#but I’m in so much fucking debt
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I hate everything.
#y’all I’m so exhausted#and so stressed#and in so much pain#but I can’t afford to go to the doctor#or take a break from work#and I’m tired no matter how much I sleep#which okay on weekdays is Not Much#and I work 9-11 hour days#and I need a second job#but I’m so fucking tired#but I’m in so much fucking debt#i don’t know what to do
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i hope i die soon
#at least then i wouldn’t have to worry about being in debt or literally anything else in my shitty fucking life anymore#i just want to have decent luck once in a fucking while but apparently that’s too much to fucking ask for#i’m so fucking tired of this goddamn life i live#i just want it all to stop#bpd shitposting#actually bpd#bpd vent#actually mentally ill#sorry this is a complete vent in the tags.. oopsie
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Where the hell am I supposed to even post art now, or even go to look at art???
I barely even use twt anymore bc I barely see art and the posts I do see usually aren’t even entertaining anymore, it’s just a bunch of shit I don’t care about or drama that I could live without hearing about
Here is basically dead, I do see art but it’s not usually art I care about? Like, I like OC artwork idc that much about fan art most of the time but that’s most of what I see (and it’s for media I don’t consume also so—). Or maybe I’m unlucky and my mutuals’ art just doesn’t show up for me 😭???
Both sites, it doesn’t matter what I post, it WILL be flopping, my mutuals don’t even really interact with me anymore and they always used to 😞. What do I even do? I just feel completely lost between this and all of my personal/health issues
#sometimes I become delusional and I think maybe#maybe I will be able to sell commissions one day#but in times like these I know those thoughts are pointless to have#and even if I could do something that could generate a minimal amount of extra income#it’s too late now#I’m over $1000 in medical debt and have $13000ish in student loans#which were taken out for nothing bc the college I enrolled in sucked and was a waste of time#the payments are all so much and even if I make enough to pay my bills and care for my animals#I can’t just fucking save money because my stupid fat ass just HAS to have binge eating disorder#I waste all my extra money eating an over abundance of food that just makes me feel worse#and I can’t stop#everything is falling apart and out of control and I don’t know what to do anymore#every time I think I’m getting better I fuck up again and it’s back to the start#I just wish I knew how to fix everything but it feels impossible
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Sometimes I see a take so bad that I have to physically put my phone down and do breathing exercises to make sure I do not become One Of Those People
Everybody is entitled to their own opinion, everybody is entitled to their own opinion, everybody is entitled to their own opinion eVEN WHEN IT IS SO FUCKING WRONG
#chewing on my own arm rn#but why does he get so much hate? he’s just— HE IS THE FUCKING DEVIL. SPLITTING A FAMILY UP JUST BECAUSE HE SUDDENLY FEELS LIKE BEING A DAD#HE ABANDONED THEM. ABANDONED!!!!!!! LEFT THEM IN DEBT AND WITH THE ABUSIVE FUCKING ASSHOLE#HE DROVE EUIHYUN TO THE BRINK OF FUCKING DEATH BECAUSE HE COULDNT BE BOTHERED TO TAKE CARE OF HIS OWN KID#Oh but no sure let’s bitch on Taeju instead because he’s tHe wOrSt#boy CHANGED. and he has APOLOGIZED#REPEATEDLY BITCH.#cried his eyes out. found euiyoung. gives them a safe place to live#takes care of them BOTH….#I’m not saying the shitty ass dad can’t see eiuyoung but he went about it all fucking wrong. he abandoned them and then separates them#and has the fucking audacity to point out how shitty euihyun’s life is… MOTHERFUCKER WHOSE FAULT IS THAT PARTLY HUH????#he could’ve left if he didn’t have euiyoung. who YOU ABADONED AS SOON AS HE WAS BORN#GRRRRRRRRR#FUCK. I AM SWEATING I AM SO ANGRY#misha rants
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#tw bad mental health and suicidal ideation#i wanna bash my head into a wall#i just got a new debit card last week and i already have to get a new one bc someone hacked me#i have to file for bankruptcy bc my health has made my finances so beyond fucked#nobody will give me a debt consolidation loan so i could try and survive#i feel like i have to drop out of college bc i can’t take another semester off and have my health fuck it all up#i wanna get my degree but at this rate i don’t think i will be able to#im worried ill need surgery on my left arm and i financially will not fucking get through that if i do#i already feel so much guilt for fucking my mom’s finances up#my sister won’t help my dad’s a POS and i’m NC with him#i feel like dying would be more beneficial than anything at this point#like i’m in pain all the time and nothing helps#i can’t fucking deal with this anymore#i can’t my body isn’t made for this
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hi everyone i’m still alive just fucking going through it in every conceivable way lol
#tbd //#i have never been the best at making financial decisions but i’m really in the fucking pit now because of school#because i love in america!!! freedom!!! to be in fucking debt#i haven’t been eating much lately either because i’m trying to save money kehwnsgwnsv so i have no energy for anything except going to clas#& barely even fucking that lmfao#anyways that’s it i just wanted to complain lol idk when i’ll be here again but hopefully soon ❤️🩹
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Demelza Modern au would be Working at waffle house or something and she’d have soooooooooo much debt
#soo much. She’d fuck up and spend so much money#I do think she’d have her finances in order though. Just lots of debt.#She’d be like ‘This Loan shark is already being generous. If i don’t get 200 dollars by tonight i’m getting served sunny side up!’#‘how will you get the money in time?’#* stock plot insues. Probably singing involved. Why do i treat her like a sitcom*#‘the greatest dance competition this towns ever seen’ coded
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…
#i’m so tired of having too much shit going on#i am the one who has to hold it together because i am objectively the least fragile#i haven’t got a debilitating chronic illness. my dog isn’t currently dying. i didn’t owe $2k in taxes for no reason.#i’m not homeless anymore. i’m just unemployed full of debt and absolutely fucking TERRIFIED of the future#i don’t know who or what i am anymore#i don’t know what i want or where i’m going or what i’m doing#but i have to be stable and calm and at bare minimum emotionally neutral#because everyone in my immediate vicinity is more fragile than i am#i’m just tired#selfish bullshit rambling#i want to be able to have a breakdown and move past it#i can’t go anywhere like this#still tapping. less murder.
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Everything has been mad negative w me lately and I’m sorry.
So here’s some nice things happening:
- the sun is out and the high is 50 degrees and I might risk the sidewalks and go for a run.
- I am working out more and while I’m not gonna be Swole(c) by any means I’m excited to get stronger
- even tho it’s for Work Related Purposes, I’m going to LA in March and that means I’m going to drag my coworker on the longest Uber ride ever to go see the beach
- LA also means some fuckin good tacos and I’m here for it
- I’m going to see Fall Out Boy in April with my sister & SIL
- I have a new craft to throw myself into as soon as the materials arrive
#roni makes a text post#I’ve just been so angry lately and it’s pissing everyone off and it’s like!!!#im trying!!! sorry im finally telling you that im angry instead of hiding it!#bc guess what! I’ve always been this angry! this is not new!#but now im tired of hiding it and telling ppl about it and instead of any kind of grace it’s all#’are you sure the meds are working? you seemed better before’#I wasn’t better I was just more quiet about it!#if they hadn’t backed me into a corner and saddled me w so much debt I’d have my own place and I’d be angry THERE instead of HERE#but we’re gonna focus on the positives.#I’m gonna go for a fucking run today.
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oh you guys i had a Bad Day
#im on vacation but all i’ve done is stress about how i will pay for this#nono i am literally borrowing money from my best friend and i’m feeling so bad about it#i should’ve like. not come#i hate being poor so much#also fuck this country and no one giving me a job this is so messed up#ok i’m done complaining#and i’m going to be indebted to my friends who are paying#and i’m literally gonna feel this for the next two months probably#haha i love being abroad and doing exchanges in expensive countries#the thing is i wanna experience the most i can while i’m here#but oh my godddd#also my parents were like oh yeah sure we’re gonna support you#and they are! but oh my god i feel so bad about it and asking for money for a VACATION?????????#also my mom makes me feel so bad about it#my dad is chiller#but no yeah i passed the whole day fucking anguishing about my debts#anyone wanna donate??? haha#ok sorry for this#rambles
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“I’m sure if I work hard and save up money, I’ll eventually be able to afford SRS” says the girl who struggles to afford groceries. (It’s me, I’m the girl)
#haha I wanna fucking d*e it never gets any easier we are always out of money I can never save anything up I’m in so much debt#I wont say the others things im thinking lmao
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jams, thank you for sharing your writing with us. thank you for being one of the coolest people around. I admire the way you are able to be so incredibly kind and open, I've never seen a person more approachable than you. your friends can be very lucky to have you, you deserve the world and so much more
good morning this literally made me cry. are u kidding? are u being for real right now? this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. aooygggggfg anon. OH anon i love you. saying thank you literally doesn’t feel like enough i’m sitting here with a goofy grin with tears in my stupid eyeballs. YOU deserve the world and so much more!!!!!!!! YOU DO!!!!! 😭💕
#wh. at theeeee fuck#god what a beautiful start to the day#my heart is going :D#thank you so much anon i’m forever in your debt#also my friends ARE lucky and YOU COULD BE ONE OF THEM TOO!!! my inbox is always open 🥹💕#that goes for everyone btw i’m literally in love with people#i’m going to be riding this high for the rest of the day :) thank you again#ask#anon
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So I haven’t really said anything about this but just wanted to let all my mutuals and friends know that things are not going good right now. My sweet baby boy Grisly is in heart failure and is getting worse every day. It’s extremely draining and heartbreaking watching the little creature you’ve had since you were 19, who’s been there with you every step of the way in your life, die right before your eyes.
He was a relatively healthy senior dog just a month ago and now he’s declining rapidly. There are good days and bad days, and I’m just trying to make it through everyday without a panic attack. Every little change in his condition is torment. 😔 Truly, I don’t think I’ve known grief until this, anticipatory grief is no fucking joke.
So I’m sorry I’m extra quiet 🖤 thats just how I deal with things and I’ll hopefully feel up to socializing soon.
#tw: death#tw: pet illness#we also recently had a big health scare with one of our cats#we’ve had a million vet visits#pills and medication#surgeries#completely gone into debt with one of our credit cards#and thats just with the pets!#so to say the least I’m fucking tired#and feel like I’m already grieving before it even happens#my dog is literally my best friend#hes been here with me since even before my husband#HES MY GUY#MY LITTLE BUDDY#MY SHADOW#I love him so so so so much#it’s tearing me apart#(Lisa)#some days I’m okay and some I’m crying all day#It feels like a part of me (and a stage of my life) is ending#my parents are gone#and now the last remnant of my ‘old’ life is leaving too#kind of like my young adult life is ending#idk#anyways I’ve never had to deal with the death of a pet how the fuck do you manage?#anyways x2 thanks for coming to my pet grief ramblings/ted talk#I wanna get back to some semblance of normal so I’m gonna try and post more#will just fill my queue up because scrolling on here makes me happy
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me when i have to actually do things today
#i’m devastated#i have soo much college stuff to do actually#i need to like ask my dad for help i feel like everyone else knows what’s going on but me#atp i’ve been trying to hard to understand scholarship stuff but im so behind and i have no fucking clue what’s going on???#godddd#i’ve probably missed a ton of scholarship deadlines already tbh#im going to hate myself for not being on top of things soo much later down the line when im like. in debt. sigh
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There is something so dystopian about having to apply for financial aid because you can’t afford to pay your hospital bill 🙃
#text#personal#medical#tw medical#i don’t even know how much the bill is. I’ve received so many things in the mail stating what I owe#the last thing i got from the hospital stated that I owed $26000 lol#(my insurance is shitty and doesn’t cover ER visits). so insurance won’t do anything#and in the financial aid application i received there’s a sentence that says ‘we know that medical debt can cause financial hardships’#please 😭 they KNOW that medical debt can fuck up people’s lives#how is the US the ‘best country in the world’ and yet serve out bills like that to ppl who can’t pay for it#like I should’ve just stayed dizzy af. I mean I’m kind of back to square one anyway with the dizziness and disorientation#the doctors in the south literally fucking suck like they do not give a rats ass about their patients#(at least the ones I’ve been to). but im so fucking frustrated#I guess I can forget about trying to find a therapist/psychiatrist and seeing if there’s something Wrong with me (aka anxiety)#i’ll just suffer ig until I get a job. which will only make my suffering worse. I just know it lol#bc the last time I had a job it literally sent me into a spiral and it made my anxiety 1000% worse#anyways my personal posts always turn into rants/vents/me being negative so. I need to stop lmao
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misery posting x
#i for real cannot process my puppy getting hit by a fucking car today#and being charged 10k that i don’t fucking have#and the emergency vet ppl were cold as fuck#i genuinely do not know what to do and now my credit card is jacked up and i’m in so much debt#i feel like i’m never going to get out of this this really fucked me over#i just want my fucking dog but then it’s like wtf am i going to do about my fucking financial situation#and student loans r starting back up again for me this month like i literally want to die#👍🏻
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