#but I’m also not seeing the same energy and anger for people using he/him for FCG

[towards-toramunda]

(As a person who uses she/they pronouns it feels weird when people get viscerally angry at people who don’t use exclusively they/them for Ashton. Like ashton’s pronouns are he/them. It’s fine for people to use he/him or they/them for Ashton, and they aren’t disrespecting them by using ��he” in a sentence. I get wanting to hear they/them used more often for them [I definitely do and will get annoyed by people acting like he’s not nonbinary], but like… saying “he” or “him” for Ashton is still valid and fine and doesn’t make a player at the table (!) or person on tumblr a bad person for using a pronoun he has in their preferred pronouns.)

[sxcretricciardo]

I’m back… pt.2

social media au

part 1 here

•

astonmartinf1 another successful weekend for our team! P1 for Alonso and P2 for Y/L/N 💪🏻

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username1 the amount of points they’re getting this season I’m shook

username2 the best decision was to get these two driving together

yourusername let’s partyyyyy

-> fernandoalo_oficial please yes

-> georgerussel63 am I invited?

-> yourusername of course! You’re part of our podium lol p3 great drive tho 😌

-> landonorris is p4 invited?

-> carlossainz55 meet you at the club 🥳

•

f1gossip a follower just sent us these photos of some of the f1 drivers partying and having fun at a club after the Aston Martin podium today! It is rumored that McLaren driver Lando Norris was also present and that there was a heated argument between him and Y/N. Waiting for more details 👀

•

yourusername me and my besties 👯‍♀️

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georgerussel63 I’m hungover

-> yourusername you need to keep up mate 💅

carlossainz55 party animals

username1 are Y/N and George looking at Lando and gossiping???

liked by yourusername

-> username2 they for sure were 🙂‍↔️

username3 I wanna know all the details about the argument 😒

fernandoalo_oficial finally someone that can keep the party alive 😴

•

real life

The club was alive with energy, the sound of music and chatter filling the space. The podium celebration was still fresh in your mind, the high of the race, the rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins. After a long, hard-fought race, you had finally made it to the top three, standing on the podium with a huge smile on your face. You had earned it. You had worked so hard for it. Fernando Alonso had finished alongside you, and both of you were now celebrating the victory with close friends and teammates.

As you stood surrounded by Fernando, Carlos Sainz, and George Russell, the four of you were laughing, sharing stories of the race, and enjoying the excitement of the moment. Fernando had his arm draped around your shoulders, a proud smile on his face, his voice full of excitement as he spoke animatedly about the race. Carlos was teasing you both about how you were going to beat him next time, and George was raising a glass to your hard-earned success. Everything felt perfect — until he walked in.

Lando Norris.

The moment your eyes met his, your stomach twisted into a knot. There he was, striding confidently into the club, a slight smile on his face, as if nothing had ever happened. He was still the same Lando you remembered: the boy you once loved, the boy who had shattered your heart.

You immediately tensed, your grip on your drink tightening. Fernando noticed the shift in your demeanor, his brow furrowing in confusion before he glanced over his shoulder to see what you were looking at. His expression immediately hardened, and Carlos and George followed his gaze.

Lando, oblivious to the sudden shift in the atmosphere, walked up to the bar with a casual air, nodding at a few people in the crowd. It wasn’t until he caught sight of you that his smile faltered, though it didn’t disappear entirely.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” Lando said, his voice light, as though nothing had ever happened between you two.

You couldn’t help but scoff, your anger rising quickly. Fernando, sensing the tension, took a step back, giving you space, though he kept his eyes on Lando with a wary look. Carlos and George, too, gave the two of you some room, but they didn’t hide their discomfort.

Lando leaned against the bar casually, his eyes flicking over to Fernando. “Looks like it’s been a good day for both of you,” he said, motioning to the celebration around you. “Podium, huh? Congrats.”

You could feel the heat of frustration welling up inside of you, all the old feelings coming back to the surface. How dare he waltz in here like everything was fine, like he hadn’t betrayed you? Like he hadn’t destroyed everything you once believed in.

“Don’t act like you care,” you said coldly, your voice sharp as a knife. “You have a funny way of congratulating someone, Lando.”

Lando blinked, clearly surprised by your hostility. His smile faltered, and he glanced at Fernando and the others, as if searching for something to make this moment less awkward. But you weren’t giving him that luxury.

“Are you serious?” Lando’s voice hardened, his earlier casualness replaced with something darker. “I come in here to show some support, and you act like I just killed your puppy? It’s been years.”

You could feel the anger building up inside you, the emotions from all those years ago surging to the surface. “You don’t get to act like nothing happened,” you shot back, voice tight with fury. “You don’t get to pretend we’re fine. You cheated on me. You humiliated me in front of everyone. And when I got hurt, when I was out for a year, you didn’t even care. You didn’t even apologize.”

Lando’s eyes widened at the intensity of your words, but he quickly recovered, a defensive look crossing his face. “That was a long time ago. You think I don’t regret it? You think I don’t feel like an asshole for how things ended?”

“Oh, so now you regret it?” You laughed bitterly, the sound cutting through the noise of the club. “You should have thought about that before you—”

“Before I what?!” Lando snapped, stepping closer to you now, his voice low and fierce. “Before I made a mistake? You think I don’t know how badly I messed up? But you’ve been holding this over my head for years, and it’s not even about that anymore, is it? It’s about holding onto your grudge.”

You didn’t back down. “I’m not holding a grudge. I’m holding onto the truth. You left me broken, and for what? Because you couldn’t stay faithful? Because you wanted to feel good about yourself while I was dealing with the aftermath of your mistakes?”

Fernando stepped in, placing a hand on Lando’s shoulder, his expression stern, but calm. “This isn’t the place for this,” he said quietly, his voice laced with authority. “We’re here to celebrate a win, not dredge up old wounds.”

Lando looked at Fernando, clearly irritated by his intervention, but he didn’t argue. His eyes moved back to you, and there was a flicker of regret in them. But you didn’t care about the flicker. You cared about the damage he had done.

“You should leave,” you said, your voice colder now. “This is a celebration, not a pity party for you.”

Lando’s jaw tightened. For a moment, it seemed like he was going to lash out again, but instead, he took a deep breath. His eyes briefly met yours — there was a faint trace of apology, but it was clouded by his own pride.

“You’re still angry,” he said quietly, as if finally understanding. “I get it. But I’m not going anywhere.”

“You should,” you shot back, your eyes blazing. “Go anywhere but here.”

The tension between you two hung in the air, thick and suffocating. Fernando gave Lando one final look, his expression hardening before he stepped away from the group, signaling the others to follow him.

Carlos leaned in toward you and whispered, “Are you okay?”

You nodded, though the emotion was raw in your chest, and it would take a lot more than a few words to heal that wound. But for now, you were surrounded by the people who truly mattered — the ones who had been there for you when Lando had abandoned you.

The music played on, and for a moment, the weight of the past started to lift as you turned your attention back to your celebration. But Lando’s presence, even from across the room, lingered.

•

yourusername they want what u had

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oscarpiastri give me my hoodie back

-> yourusername next time don’t leave it unattended 🤡

fernandoalo_oficial my sunglasses 😒

-> yourusername they look better on me anyway 🥵

username1 the caption SHES ON FIRE

username2 lando really lost a hottie

liked by yourusername

•

part 3 coming soon

tags: @angstynasty @elieanana

[restlessmaknae]

your heart is the target // jay

The last thing Jay expected when striking a fake dating deal with you was to get jealous (and ultimately, to fall head over heels for you).

➳ Characters: rich business student!Jay x professional archer!female reader/you

➳ Genre: fake dating au, high society au, olympics au, fluff, comedy

➳ Words: 5.5k

➳ Warning: mentions of food & drinks; vocab related to archery such as the usage of the words 'shooting' 'aim' and 'target'; my knowledge regarding archery comes from watching the Olympics, online research and this archery glossary, so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong! Jay is big time jealous in the first scene and big time in denial in the third one, so excuse him, he's just hiding his big heart!

➳ A/N: This story was heavily inspired by the Olympics, ISAC, 'Brought the heat back' aka the perfect jealousy song and this short on Youtube.

➳ Check out the college series for Enhypen’s 02z line: ‘our beginning together’

Apparently, Jay didn’t think through what kind of consequences the fake dating would bring about, and how he would react to them. To be precise, to boys around you.

But it did save him time, money, and let’s be honest, mental energy to not spend so much of his time going on blind dates his mother used to send him off to. Even though he would have plenty of time to meet girls at university, most of them only talked to him because he was 1) a rugby player for the college team 2) he had a lot of money and 3) he was handsome. He wanted more than that, but he didn’t seem to have too much luck, and it didn’t help that both of his university friends - Jake and Sunghoon - already had girlfriends, so whenever they spent time together, he felt like he was fifth wheeling.

So really, it was a sensible deal between you and him, even more so because you were a professional archer, training for the Olympics, so you had even less time to focus on dating than he did. So realising that both of you were fed up with the unfruitful blind dates you had to attend when you two had been set up, you had struck a deal. You would pretend to date for the sake of your families and yourselves, but if either of you found someone they actually liked in the meantime, you would call it off. Otherwise, you could take advantage of the other as a plus one at events, further minimising the chances of shallow-minded boys or girls coming up to you two in hopes of seducing you.

However, sitting through the opening ceremony of a music hall that Jay’s parents built where most people knew who you were wasn’t the same as accompanying you to your birthday party where all kinds of boys showed up he hadn’t seen before. Even the sight of them around you angered him, but the way they mistook him for someone else was truly dancing on his nerves.

At first, there was this tall, broad-shouldered boy who seemed younger than him, but multiple heads turned his way when he walked by, probably because of his handsome looks. Though Jay would never think of growing his hair long, he had to admit that he had a majestic feel to him because of his shoulder-length chestnut brown locks.

“Oh, noona!” The boy hollered when he caught sight of you, and Jay immediately stiffened beside you, but didn’t move when the other boy halted in front of you. As if he didn’t even see Jay, he boasted a wide grin as he handed you a gift box. “Happy birthday!”

“Thank you so much, Leehan! I’m glad you could make it,” you reciprocated his wide smile, visibly comfortable even with the close proximity of the boy. Or maybe it seemed close only because Jay was also by your side.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Though we had a bit of an emergency because Jaehyun managed to spill coffee on my suit, but alas, I look dazzling in any suit,” he blabbered joyfully, and only after you asked a few more questions about his day and silence settled on you three, did the boy turn his head towards Jay.

“Oh, you didn’t tell me that you had a bodyguard,” he noted with curiously widening eyes, and Jay’s eyebrows immediately shot up.

“Pardon?”

“Who are you then if not her bodyguard? You look so serious,” he pointed out, shrugging his shoulders casually. Jay felt like he could combust from both the embarrassment and the fury he felt, but held himself back because he was better than that. Besides, he might have stood too stiff beside you, but every approaching boy was a target in his eyes.

“Oh yeah, Leehan, I didn’t tell you. He’s my boyfriend, Jay. Jay Park.”

Leehan let out a little giggle before mentioning that it was funny that he had the same name as the singer. It wasn’t the first time he heard it, but it didn’t seem to get old no matter how much he hated it. It was just a name after all. It was like joking to every Kitty about Hello Kitty.

“Leehan and I used to be neighbours when I was living in Busan,” you explained as you turned towards him, and despite the fact that he didn’t even know you used to live in Busan, he appreciated the fact that you shared it with him. The explanation soothed his nerves a bit, but he was relieved only when Leehan left to say hello to your parents.

It was crazy, he was crazy, Jay thought to himself. He wasn’t usually like this. In fact, he was never like this. You weren’t even his real girlfriend, yet he was acting like a real jealous boyfriend. Did he even have the right to act this way? After all, Leehan was right. He was standing there beside you like a stuck up person, waiting to judge the next person that came up to you.

You took note of his behaviour as well, and asked if he was alright.

“Why wouldn’t I be fine?” Jay sulked like a little kid, hoping that the tone of voice was as close to neutral as possible, but judged by the way you let out a resigned sigh, he had a feeling that he wasn’t very convincing.

“I’m sorry that I dragged you into this. Maybe it was a bit too soon to have you here today,” you mused out loud, biting on your lower lip as you looked around, at the hustle-bustle of the guests. He knew exactly what you meant by ‘too soon’; a month into your fake dating deal, but it was what he had signed up for, so it wasn’t your fault, and he didn’t get why you felt this way.

“I’m fine, really. I just hardly know anyone, and it seems that people think I’m either your brother or your bodyguard, not your boyfriend.”

Your lips curled upwards when he mentioned this, referring both to Leehan’s bravado and Mark’s who was a childhood friend of yours, but went to the States to study, and totally forgot how your brother looked, and mistook Jay for your brother, Heeseung. In Mark’s defence, he supposedly had not only horrible eyesight but a poor face memory, too.

Coming to think of it, these were pretty amusing conversations, but Jay didn’t feel like laughing even though the bell-like sound of your laughter did awaken something inside of him. He didn’t have a lot of time to ponder what this unfamiliar feeling was though because the next guest came up to you, and you immediately welcomed him with a tight hug.

A hug.

From a boy he didn’t know.

What on Earth was going on? Why did you know so many people? Why did you know so many boys? He met like six of your acquaintances who were boys, and there was only one girl. Just why?

“... and this is Jay,” he faintly heard your voice, and when you called his name, he perked up, looking at you. He was so lost in thought that he barely registered that you and the jet-black haired boy had already started talking. He seemed kind with his big brown eyes and lips that curled naturally into a genuine smile, and even his tone was friendly when he spoke up.

“Your boyfriend, Jay, right?” He asked in a casual, conversational way as he reached his hand out for a handshake.

Now, this boy… he was a keeper. Jay liked him.

“Yes, that’s me,” Jay greeted him with a relieved sigh and shook his hand. He had a firm grip, but his kind smile wouldn’t have made him think so.

“My name is Sung Hanbin. We are archery partners with Y/N,” he explained after he let go of his hand, and now Jay didn’t know what to say. Seeing his confused face, you rushed to explain that you and Hanbin were training together as a mixed team for the Olympics.

“I thought that only same sex teams were competing.”

“There are actually 3 different archery categories. Individual, team and mixed team. We’re in the mixed team with Hanbin. It’s only us two, it’s not like fencing when there could be 4 people in a team,” you answered him in detail, and you were patient with him even though he had no idea about archery as a sport, let alone how the Olympics worked. On the other hand, he would definitely look things up after this because he didn’t want to embarrass himself like he did so.

Not like Hanbin seemed bothered by his lack of knowledge regarding the field. Instead, he asked about his side, and was super eager to learn about all the business things Jay studied at university. He was even more curious when he got to know that Jay did rugby, and asked him to show him some moves one day, he would be looking forward to it.

“You should also come to one of our practices. Y/N is seriously so amazing on the field,” Hanbin suggested, awe lacing his words. There was something in the way he said it, but he wouldn’t think that it was because Hanbin harboured feelings for you. It seemed more like respect than infatuation.

“Ah please, I’m just…”

“I’ll make sure to come by. If you don’t mind,” Jay made up his mind about it quickly, and searched for your eyes. This was the first time you wouldn’t bring the other as a plus one to an event, you would do it simply because you wanted to. It could be seen that you were taken aback by the suggestion, but you composed your features within mere seconds, and directed a smile at him.

“Sure. I’d love that.”

There was a moment when you just gazed at each other, and he forgot about everything else around you. He simply focused on the way the shiny peach-coloured lipstick sat on your lips as they curled into a smile, and the way the lights from the grand chandelier above reflected in your ocean deep eyes. The way the foundation couldn’t hide your beautiful moles, and the way you radiated confidence and chicness in your feminine pink and white body suit.

“Okay, I’ll leave you two lovebirds to have some time to yourself. I might check out the drinks instead,” Hanbin announced, pulling you two back to reality. A hue of pink crept onto your cheeks at the reminder that you were not alone, but your smile didn’t waver as you bid your archery partner goodbye.

“I’ve also brought you a gift, but I left at the table where I saw people leaving them,” Jay announced when he looked down at the gift boxes in your hand. You thanked him, and told him that you would definitely check it out and let him know what you thought about his gift.

Not like you had a lot of time to open gifts because your birthday party was more than packed with conversations with familiar and not so familiar figures, and by the end of the night, Jay had no idea how you still had the energy to greet everyone as energetically as in the beginning. Thankfully, there were no more people who assumed that he was your brother or bodyguard, but some found it surprising to see you as a couple. Like the ever so talkative Keeho who analysed the future of your relationship based on your music taste, MBTI and star sign (whatever he meant by that), or one of your mother’s friend’s daughters - Giselle - who was convinced that Jay was Hanbin because she thought that you were dating your archery partner because that would be so YA book-like.

Nevertheless, Jay truly hoped that after this night, everyone would know that you two were dating, so he wouldn’t have to go through this again. He wasn’t sure he could take that.

You didn’t know what got into Jay when he gave in to Hanbin’s suggestion because he was usually reserved when it came to such events. You would think that he didn’t want to bother with it since he hated blind dates just as much as you did, and you weren’t even dating for real, so it could have been just another nuisance in his eyes.

Nevertheless, he didn’t go back on his word, but asked when he could come by, and so you settled on a date. He made sure to ask if you were comfortable by the idea of him coming to your practice, but you reassured him that you were totally fine with it. Even though you didn’t interact that much in person, you rather texted the other, your impression of him was quite positive. He was a just person, someone who wasn’t afraid to speak his mind, but he was also very attentive, noticing when the screw of your earring let go and fixing it for you at the business event you had attended, or how he had gone around to find a blanket for you when you had been sitting outside in the garden at your birthday party. Even his gift was thoughtful: he bought an Avalon archery bag for you which was a good quality bag for professional athletes. You were in need of a new one anyway, so you brought it with you to practise ever since, something that Hanbin couldn’t not notice.

Ever since the two boys had met at your birthday party, Hanbin had been asking about how you had met and whether it was difficult to keep up a relationship with your training schedule and Jay’s university classes. To be honest, you didn’t decide on such details with Jay, so you spoke the truth, and told him that you had met on a blind date, and you had made it work through texts and calls because you wanted to. Which was actually true because you and Jay were getting to know each other, and sometimes it felt like it wasn’t just for the sake of the fake dating deal, but because you really did want to know more about the other. At least, you wanted to know more about him.

The indoor archery range had a security system in place, so only the athletes and the staff could enter who had a card to use the building, so you went out to let Jay inside when he texted you that he arrived. You inquired if he found it easy to get here, and he said that it was fine, and he found a decent parking place not far, so it was alright. Because of course, he knew how to drive and he had his own car. Jay was every girl’s dream after all, no wonder that title followed him around like second skin.

“So it’s just you practising today, or will there be others?”

“We’ve booked a range for us, so it’ll be me, Hanbin and our two coaches. I let the coaches know that we would have a visitor, but it’s alright. A lot of archers visit each other’s practice to learn about techniques, so you won’t stand out too much. Or maybe just a bit,” you pointed at his sleek black cotton pants, dress shoes and white shirt that he tucked into his pants, highlighting his slender waist.

Jay seemed a tad bit coy at your playful call-out, his lips slightly puckering as he looked down at his - probably usual - attire, but he went back to his usual self immediately.

“I hope I won’t be too distracting,” he mentioned with an unbothered look, but you couldn’t help but nudge him in the side.

“What was that? Were you flirting with me?”

“I-” He was about to protest, probably not thinking too much into his words, but then, it dawned on him why you teased him. “I’m your boyfriend after all, aren’t I?” He shrugged nonchalantly, but you could see a hint of amusement prompting his lips to curl upwards.

No matter how many times you said the words ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ out loud, it still seemed unfamiliar. Yet, there was a certain thrill to it too, something that you had never experienced before. Not since you had broken up with your boyfriend of three months in high school, at least.

After pulling yourself together, you guided Jay to the right room, and told him that he could sit in the spectators’ stand, you also put your bag there. So he took a seat in the front row beside your bag after greeting the ones who were present. Hanbin gave you a knowing look before he turned towards his coach who gave him some instructions. After warming up, you attached the quiver to your waist, and you held up the bow, testing the limbs and the hand. That’s when you realised that you had left a part of it in your bag, so you jogged up to the slightly confused Jay.

“Could you pass me the kisser from my bag?”

“The what?” The boy’s eyebrows shot up so high, you were afraid that his eyes would pop. That’s when you realised that you had used the jargon that he wasn’t familiar with.

“It’s this little black button in the right pocket of my bag,” you explained to him while you leaned onto the rail separating you two. Jay’s shoulders sagged in relief, and you found it difficult to hold back your laughter seeing his bewildered expression. Well yeah, the button was called kisser because it was attached to the bowstring, and your lips usually touched this part when aiming, to give consistent vertical reference. But he must have thought of something else.

Either way, Jay found the button, and handed it to you which you accepted with a grateful smile. Your fingers lightly grazed his hand in the meantime, and you felt heat rushing to your cheeks. No matter how many accidental touches you shared, it was still unfamiliar to you, the effect he had on you.

“Are you sure you will be able to concentrate with him here?” Hanbin teased once you jogged back to him, and you gave him a long stare.

“It’s not like it wasn’t your idea to invite him here.”

“Well, let’s just say I knew what I was doing,” he shrugged, a teasing little grin stretching on his lips. You nudged his shoulder in return and told him to focus on hitting the gold target face.

Despite Hanbin’s warning, the practice went well. What’s more, it went exceptionally well. You both scored high, and even if you didn’t perform that well in a set, you made up for it in the next one. One thing about mixed archery that you liked was that you could cheer on your partner without fearing for your own ranking, and it was easy to shoot beside Hanbin because he was very supportive, and even if he took archery seriously, he knew when to be silly to ease the tension. He was determined and hard-working just like you, and your coaches often said that you seemed like you were made to be each other’s partners.

Once your coaches left and it was nearing the end of your time slot, Hanbin inquired from Jay if he wanted to try it out himself. He objected vehemently, saying that after your practice, he didn’t want to embarrass himself. You didn’t force him either, but thanked him for coming by.

“I will give you a lift,” he offered gently when you walked up to him to get your bag.

“You really don’t have to. It might take about half an hour before I will get ready.”

“It’s alright. I don’t have other plans,” he protested firmly, and you didn’t have the heart to go against him when he offered it himself. He really wouldn’t say it out loud, but you had a feeling that he was offering to give you a ride because it was getting dark outside, and he didn’t want you to go home alone.

“Thanks. I will be quick,” you promised beamingly, and off you went.

After taking a quick shower, getting changed and putting your hair up into a high ponytail, you were fresh and clean, ready to head out. Jay was standing on the other side of the security gate, leaning against the wall while scrolling through his phone. You had a feeling someone let him out - maybe the security guard or Hanbin because he always finished earlier than you -, but still, it was nice to see him standing there even though he really did stand out in his business outfit while you had sweatpants and a knitted sweater on.

Jay’s nonchalant expression turned lighter when he caught sight of you, and he immediately reached for your bag, holding it for you without saying a word. Your face flushed when your hands touched again, but you looked the other way to hide your embarrassment.

You let silence fall over the two of you as you were walking towards his car, and when you stepped inside the vehicle, you felt like you were the one who stood out in your casual, sporty outfit. Alas, you preferred comfort over style when you were off to practise or coming from practise, and you were thankful that you didn’t need to wear high heels or dresses during these times. Plus, it’s not like Jay made a comment on it, instead, he inquired if the temperature was alright in the car, and if you preferred to have the radio on or not.

“So how did you like the practice? I hope it wasn’t too boring,” you inquired when the boy started the engine and drove out from the parking lot.

“It wasn’t boring at all. I didn’t know the distance for archery is 70 metres, so I was impressed that you could control the arrow from such a distance.”

“How did you know it was 70 metres?”

Jay’s Adam’s apple bobbed hearing your question as if he didn’t want to acknowledge that he clearly made his research. You definitely didn’t tell him about that.

“Well, I read it somewhere before,” he mumbled under his nose, but you couldn’t help this warm, embracing feeling bubbling up inside of you. He might have looked cold and composed, but you seemed to shake up his demeanour lately.

You talked a bit more about archery during the car ride because he was curious about the type of arrows you used, how you controlled the draw length and the aim, and whether you enjoyed individual, team or mixed archery the most. You found it heart-warming that he asked you about this because archery meant so much to you, but when you went to high society events with your parents, oftentimes the people there only asked about whether you had a boyfriend and when you would join your father’s company. Your parents never forced you to choose a different path, but these kinds of interactions came with the type of life they had chosen for themselves when you moved from Busan to Seoul, and your father set up his company that has since become one of the most important AI consulting companies in not just Seoul but the whole country.

Time passed by in a blink of an eye while you were talking, and you found yourself at home in no time. Yet, as his car drove out of your driveway, you realised that you wouldn’t mind if he gave you a ride back home more often.

Bit by bit, you and Jay got closer, and there was no denying it anymore. He went to your practices a few more times, you showed up at business events beside him other times, and in the meantime, you continued texting and calling each other. Jay also made it a habit to pick you up after practice when he didn’t have anything else to do, and sometimes Hanbin joined you, too. Jay liked him because he could see that he was a genuine, kind guy who would want nothing bad for you, and your archery partner also gave him his phone number, so Jay could reach out to him in case you didn’t pick up your phone or anything like that. Which was really attentive of him, and despite not saying it out loud, Jay grew fond of the other boy, too.

Alas, his fondness towards you could not be contained that easily, and it didn’t take long for his friends to pick up on his antics. Jake and Sunghoon teased him ever since Jay admitted that he “wasn’t feeling neutral towards you” which, in his dictionary, meant that he liked you, and they kept bombarding him with dating advice. He would never force you to date him though, and you had enough on your plate with the Olympics coming up, so he didn’t want to complicate things even further.

However, it didn’t mean that he couldn’t be supportive of you and your dreams.

“So… are you going to the Olympics with Y/N?” Jake inquired once when they were having lunch together between classes. Jay almost choked on his food, he was so surprised.

“Why would I go with her to the Olympics? She didn’t tell me that she wants me there,” he furrowed his eyebrows, looking at his puppy-like friend. Jake and Sunghoon shared a glance, and there was a knowing smile in the corner of Sunghoon’s lips when he spoke up.

“Jay, my dear friend, you really don’t know a thing about relationships, do you?”

“It’s not like you have that much experience,” Jay snorted, pointing out the fact that he and Chaerin had only been dating for half a year. To be precise, dating officially because they also had their fake dating period when Sunghoon had tried to keep Chaerin’s douchebag ex away by pretending to be her boyfriend. But he had already had a crush on the cheerleader, so his feelings had been genuine when they had started fake dating.

“Well, it’s still more than your experience which is close to zero,” he shrugged and reached for his bottle of water. Jake found the conversation amusing as he kept smiling while shoving kimchi fried rice into his mouth.

“Well then, enlighten me. Why should I go?” Jay gave up on trying to argue with them because as much as he wanted to deny it, the thought had crossed his mind that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be too bad if he went to the Olympics to watch your competitions. Then again, you had never asked if he wanted to come or if he was willing to come, so he didn’t bother asking either.

“To support her. I’m pretty sure she’s all nerves, especially because she had a bronze medal in the last Olympics, so she must be feeling a lot of pressure. Not to mention that she and Hanbin are said to be the most promising duo for the team archery.”

“It’s mixed archery,” Jay corrected Jake’s choice of words, and his two friends immediately shared a glance. Oh well, he had really become a bit of an expert in archery, but could they blame him? He was trying not to be too nosy during practices, so he did his own research and watched your previous matches to gain more knowledge regarding your field.

Jay didn’t need to ask how they knew about your rankings because they pulled up your Wikipedia page the moment he told them that you were his fake girlfriend, and besides, he might have been dropping hints here and there. However, he had to give it to them that they were right, and despite the fact that you wouldn’t want to show it, he could see the dark circles under your eyes, and you had even managed to fall asleep once while he had been driving you home after practice. You seemed to lose a bit of your smile too, and he hated that he couldn’t do anything about it, except trying to be extra comforting and supportive.

He didn’t even need to be told twice. After asking Hanbin about your Olympics schedule, he booked himself a hotel and a plane ticket, and arrived the day before your first official match. He didn’t want you to worry about his safety while you were supposed to focus on your performance, so he only told you that he arrived when he got the green light from Hanbin that you finished with your last practice before your first day of competing.

Locks still stuck to your forehead when you rushed out of the stadium after a shower and changing clothes, and you hugged him so tightly upon seeing him that he immediately knew that coming here was the best decision that he had ever made.

“Thank you so much for coming! I can’t believe that you’re here,” you exclaimed giddily, and despite the fact that it was your first hug, somehow it felt so good, so right. You didn’t even seem embarrassed as you kept babbling afterwards about literally everything: the food in the Olympic village, how your room looked and how practise went that day.

He listened to you attentively, his heart a lot lighter that he could see you smile, and because you must have been hungry and tired, he treated you to a meal. You didn’t even want to talk him out of it, and enjoyed dinner with him to the last moment. He didn’t even want to let you go so soon, so he offered to walk you back to your accommodation.

“This morning, I was so nervous that I thought I’m coming down with something. I was also not performing as well during practice as I wanted to, but I feel like I’m a lot lighter now that you’re here. The fact that you carved time out of your day to come here willingly means so much to me,” you admitted coyly as he was walking beside you. He couldn’t go with you all the way because outsiders weren’t allowed in the Olympic village, but you still had some time as it was on the other side of the park you were currently strolling in.

“Even just the fact that you are here means that you’re doing great. I know you might feel the pressure to do better than four years ago, but know that you’re already a winner. You’re already one of the most excellent archers in the whole world,” he mused out loud, and if it wouldn’t have been for the bright lights in your deep dark eyes, he might have wanted to dig a hole for himself because that was quite cheesy. It came from his heart though, and you seemed to appreciate it so much that you were visibly touched.

“Don’t cry…” he shushed you when he noticed you tearing up, and reached out to wipe the first teardrop away that was racing down your cheeks. You looked up at him with those beautiful eyes, and he felt like time stopped around you as you two were standing still in the middle of the walking path, surrounded by the shushing of the trees and the watching eyes of the street lamps. To him, you looked vulnerable yet strong, someone who wasn’t afraid to face her feelings and though the sight of you with tears in your eyes churned his heart, he was also thankful that he could be there for you.

“I’m just… I’m just so happy that you’re here,” you choked up, hidden away emotions surfacing as you let it out. Jay let you cry as much as you wanted, handing you tissues and letting you hug him as long as you wanted. Before, he might have thought that you would be better off without him because you had a lot on your plate already, but now more than ever, he was sure that you needed him just as much as he needed you.

But he didn’t ask the question until you were finished with all of your competitions, until you were finished with all the celebrations for your gold medal in individual female archery and mixed archery alike and 4th in team archery, and until you were leaving behind the country.

Only as the stewardesses signalled that the plane was ready to depart in Seoul, did he dare to ask the question:

“Would you like to go on a date with me? A real one?”

The smile that you gave him was enough of an answer by itself, but when you confirmed that yes, you would be more than thrilled to go, he was the happiest person on Earth. Even if you managed to confuse Hanbin who was sitting on the other side of the aisle (after giving up his seat for Jay) by what you meant by a real date.

But he didn’t have to know that.

➳ Check out: my ENHYPEN masterlist

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this story of mine! Let me know what you think!

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for ENHYPEN or for other artists, consider signing up for my taglist here.

Hope you have a lovely day/night! Take care! ❤️

[castiwls]

"your my sun, my moon, and all my stars"

having a baby with patrick zweig...

I feel Patrick is the type of guy to be absolutely terrified of pregnancy he kinda hates the idea but then the baby is actually born and he’s just smitten.

You’d barely been going out 3 months but you’d both been hooking up for just under a year when you randomly show up at his hotel with a pregnancy test.

His initial reaction is to slam the door in your face - he’s not ready for this. A baby would get in the way of his career.

After having the door slammed in your face you stood there for a moment, the hormones already seeming to affect you more than you’d known as a rush of anger runs through you so you do the only logical thing and bang on the door until he opens it.

“Patrick Zweig open this door right now or I swear to god.”

He opens the door and you have half a mind to slap him for getting you into this mess in the first place.

Neither of you was exactly ready to be parents.

You spend the first few months of your pregnancy trying to get used to your relationship and to the idea of being parents.

The idea terrified you but the fact that Patrick seemed to be slowly coming around to the idea left you feeling more relaxed.

You half expected him to run for the hills when you’d randomly shown up at his hotel yet he surprised you.

I feel he’s the type of guy to buy baby clothes based on his interests (like when they buy football kits for their team.)

He DEFFENTLY buys your baby a little tennis outfit with a toy racket and all.

“You did not buy our unborn child a tennis racket?” He shrugged placing the bag down. He looked at you with that lopsided grin which always made you melt. “I’m being prepared! My child will not be a football player.”

(He’s already looking into tennis lessons for when they're older but you don't have to know that)

He definitely cries the first time you see the baby on an ultrasound.

Also, I'm sorry but he gives girl dad energy - the idea of a mini version of him scares him more than he’d admit.

Secretly hope the baby takes after you more than him.

You both decide to do a really low-key gender reveal with only your close friends and family. When it’s revealed as a girl he completely freaks out.

This man is a MESS when you eventually do go into labour.

“Oh my god. Is…is that normal? You're not going to die right?? I can’t do this alone i don't know the first thing about babies never mind girls.”

You're considerably calmer than him for most of it. (You joke about him needing the gas and air more than you and he fully tries to grab it)

I saw this video on TikTok of a woman being like I wanted my boyfriend by my head the whole time I didn't want him to see anything but then the nurses asked if he wanted to catch the baby and he full-on sprinted to get gowned up - that Patrick.

This man full-on starts crying with the baby the minute she's out.

Holds your hand the entire time she’s being checked and cleaned. He just stands there whispering sweet nothings as you both watch.

Cries again when you get to hold her - you cry with him this time.

“She’s so tiny.” You sniffled slightly stroking a hand over her tiny head. “We made that.” He grins. You laugh quietly. “Yeah…I guess we didn’t do too bad.” He presses a kiss to your lips before running a hand idly up her tiny back. You're both quiet for a moment, watching her in pure disbelief before. “Will you marry me?”

For a moment you think that it's some sort of pain relief-induced dream. There is no way Patrick Zweig of all people just asked you to marry him. This is the same guy who not even a year ago happily lay in bed and planned his next hook-up.

Turns out to be the BEST dad!! This man is happily up at all times of the night to feed her or rock her back to sleep.

Whenever he can't soothe her he just ends up on the couch watching back old tennis games with her until she falls asleep.

Much to your chagrin, your daughter ends up sleeping best when a tennis game is playing in the background - truly her father-daughter,

“I told you she’d like tennis.” “She's 4 months old.”

You both wait a few months before going back to the marriage conversion.

This man was prepared. He had a ring and all much to your shock.

“I didn’t pit you for the marriage type.” “Well, it wasn’t high on my list but you’ve apparently changed that.”

You agree to marry him but you both wanna wait a little till your daughter is older. You make a one-off mention about how cute of a flower girl she would be and he is sold.

Overall he’s a surprisingly good dad and partner. He’s still trying to move up in the tennis world but manages to split his time so that he never misses anything big.

Though he did make you promise that when she’s older you’ll come to his games - you roll your eyes and begrudgingly agree but deep down you know that there is a good chance watching him play tennis may lead to your daughter getting a sibling or two.

[kakiastro]

Chiron Aries transit: Wounded Identity

2018-2027

I think this gif reflects this transit so well. It’s time to see the beauty in you and heal

We’re not discussing this transit enough because it’s playing a huge role in what’s currently going on.

Chiron is known as the “wounded healer.” It’s the wound that leaves a permanent scar on you. The pain never fully goes away but it can be tolerable. Chiron is also a healer, when you start to heal yourself, you can help others. He’s also a teacher, understanding those wounds and learning from them is healing for you on a soul level.

So how does this affect the collective?

Chiron can teach us and show us where we need to heal as a collective.

It’s been in the sign of Aries for 8 years and the year 2027 will its last until 2077(I’ll be in my 80s🥴😅). Chiron returns every 50 years back to a sign.

Aries is ruled by the warrior planet Mars. It rules our identity, Men, courage, our motivation, sex, the head.

What have we been and needs healing these last 8-9 years as a collective?

-the corrupt power of men and world stage leaders, and the downfall of them is a main theme I’m seeing here. I’m pretty sure this is when the Metoo movement became prominent in our conversations in society as a whole.

-Men/Masc energy folks are being asked to heal those old wounds that’s haunted them all their lives so they can be their best selves.

- women/fem energy folks are finding a courage and level of independence they never knew they had before.

-every single soul here is currently having an identity crisis and asking themselves “who tf am I? I know what I’ve been taught or what I’ve been who I should be, but is this really me?”

-standing up for yourself when you didn’t have bravery to before.

-lack of motivation is another theme.

Those who are going through there Chiron Return (gen x) those born in the late 60s & early 70s are really going through this. It’s the midlife crises of the self. Aries is the baby of the zodiac so that’s people are trying to relieve some sort of lost youth that they had.

Example : Leonardo DiCaprio-Chiron Aries 7h. His relationship wounds have been in the spotlight more than his movies. He has a problem with serious relationship commitment “hence him dating young non committal women”, he’s stuck in his 90s it boy youth days. I’m not saying needs to act old or anything but maturity and surrounding himself with mature (adults his age) is a big theme for him.

You know, the pandemic is also apart of this storyline. We were at home by ourselves(Aries). Life stopped and we had to face the music within ourselves.

-Anger and frustration is also a huge thing we are healing through. How we express this emotion in a healthy way. There’s lots of things to be currently angry about but Chiron is asking us “are you going to let it consume you in hurt and destruction or use it to light the inspiration flame inside you? Your choice.”

Ive always felt Aries and Scorpio chirons are the most intense because it’s Mars energy Mars is deep, intense, passionate. Scorpio is also ruled by Mars(if you didn’t know)

- with the NN Aries & eclipse Aries, this Wounded and healing energy is going to be more prevalent now than before. Neptune enters this sign next year, you’ll be asking “who am I, body and soul?”

We are in the “time to face the music and heal era” are you doing the work?

So as we move through these next few years of this transit, think on how much growth you’ve done since 2018. The person you are now in 2024 won’t even be the same person in 2027. Document everything because this is how you see astrology work in real time.

Im open for readings!

[cosmicwolfboy]

crutchie - akb vs matthew duckett !!!!

alternatively titled - cast disabled people jesus christ

listen i am having so many thoughts and feelings about crutchie and at the risk of annoying the fuck out of my partner i am putting them on here instead!

prefacing this by saying:

i do not speak for all cripples

matthew’s duckett was my first real introduction to crutch and yes i am probably biased because of it (because matthew was an absolute sweetie when i met him)

i do not actually hate AKB as much as i dislike his crutchie

★

i think the main problem i have with his crutchie (and i understand that it is not entirely his fault at all!!!!) is that it’s so sanitised in so many ways. it is so of its time and not really in a good way, it came about in a period where representation wasn’t a big focus and i very much understand that, but i also hate it.

it’s so easy for disabled characters to fall into this weird ,sanitised, almost infantilising position, where their struggles are shown (abuse from the delanceys that was directly because of his disability, the fact he’s more likely to be put in the refuge because he’s seen as ‘weak’), but they’re bound by this kind of happy-go-lucky persona where they don’t show any real anger or upset. it’s fuelled by the abled need to see disabled characters as some sort of inspiration porn. “he’s crippled but look how happy he is despite that!!!!!! if he can do it i can too!!” he has this air of innocence and can-do-no-wrong that kinda falls a little flat compared to all his friends of the same age, and whilst this wouldn’t be a problem in itself, it fits a repeating pattern of the innocent, docile physically disabled person that is shown so much.

i loved matthew’s crutchie so much because he was so much more than that. he was happy, he was kind and an big laugh, but he didn’t shy away from being truly angry or scared (in the finale when he is brought back and cuffs snyder) and he was still a bit of a dick, he felt a lot more like he truly belonged. one of my favourite examples is at the start of the show the first time we see katherine, he helps one of the boys (i can’t remember which one) steal something from darcy and keeps it on him through the rest of the show. he’s as playful and annoying as the rest of them, shooting paper balls at them with his slingshot (especially during the finale, i love him so much for that). he has an attitude. he has the energy of a boy who was raised on the streets and knows what the fuck is what.

and thats what i think changes him the most for me. it’s all the same script (?) but it’s all so different when you think about how smart crutch actually is. i think the biggest change is my idea of him specifically when he’s being so nice to weasel at the beginning, when all the boys are being annoying and dicks, crutchie is so sweet. i don’t believe he’s doing that because he’s just such a nice guy who can look past weisel and the delancey’s being assholes to them, i think he realised quickly how to play the game. he’s gonna get sympathy, he knows that, and he knows if he acts all innocent and is overly kind, that they’ll somewhat pity him and he can use that to his advantage.

i hate being pitied by most people, i hate being looked at differently, like i’m almost helpless. but i also know how to use it to help myself, i know when i can play the poor little cripple card to my advantage. and i fully believe crutch does the same.

edited to add because i forgot to add this entire section in sorry!!

when i say sanitised i also mean literally. as in they made him cleaner. specifically in the finale again when he’s brought back from the refuge, broadway crutch looks way too clean. he’s a little bashed up but he’s not dirty. he doesn’t look like he’s been battered and then subjected to awful conditions. it takes away the impact of his time at the refuge. when he got back in the uk production they actively were disgusted by how much he smelled, because he’d just got out of a place where he couldn’t look after himself for a multitude of reasons. he suffered in there, mentally and physically, and in more ways than one. he was not given nice clean clothes and a pat on the back, he was taken out and put right back into the mess without much time to check himself over, without any time to process or heal.

i just think it has a much bigger impact when you can see, from his actual appearance and the other guys’ reactions, how much he actually struggled in there. they were glad to have him back of course, but it really drove home the point of how badly it affected him.

and once again in that scene, you could see the fear on his face and the anger when he faced snyder and when he made a move at him. he was fucking scared of the man that had subjected him to all of that. even when he was being a little goofy and put on the hat to handcuff him, there was still that fear, and there was evidence to why.

(end of edit)

but like i said, i don’t think it is entirely akb’s fault or his intention, he almost definitely wasn’t aware of the way it came off and how it perpetuates stereotypes. but it’s just another reason why giving disabled roles to disabled people is so important. plus we know how to use mobility aids properly

★

shoutout to my beloved partner who proof reads my shit and also is the reason i am into newsies . thank u babie @fizzloves-blog <3

[elliotthinkssometimes]

Wrote like four paragraphs of my fic based around some weird fucking coal metaphor at like half twelve the other night but it’s got me thinking about riptide and fire as anger

Chip gaining his fire magic to me is a manifestation of his anger. He’s always been hot headed and irritable but it was for surface level stuff, and mostly a persona he wore to keep himself safe. I think the further into the campaign he gets, and the more he accepts how good he has it now, he realises truly how many people failed him. Where are his parents? Why did not one single good person after the black rose decide to take him in? Why are his friends favoured by the goddesses? Where were those goddesses for him, when he spent years all alone and with nothing to call his own? Why wasn’t he saved?

his fire is the pure rage that flows through him. His fire is every person who ever looked up to the sky and asked ‘why me? Why did this happen to me?’ His fire is the realisation that it wasn’t his fault— it was never ever his fault.

and again, when he left Reuben’s gang, he set the place on fire. He couldn’t deal with what he’d done so he burnt the whole place to the ground, ridding the land of his sin. And maybe that’s what his magic is: an attempt to rid his body and kind of every terrible thing that ever happened to him.

Jay’s relationship with fire is complicated. It’s always been a symbol of her family, something she used to take pride in. But her firey orange hair looks too much like Ava’s and worst of all her fathers, and the more she learns about her family the more she hates it.

fire is what surrounds her father on his worst days, when she doesn’t recognise him anymore due to the formalities and the ruthlessness and the yelling. Fire is what spread to her when she almost betrayed her friends, when she shot gillion. Fire hurts and fire is evil and fire is her family and she doesn’t know what to make of that.

And now fire is chip. And maybe that recontextualises it for her, or maybe it scares her more. Because she has lost two siblings to fire, and maybe she’s next.

Gillion doesn’t have many fire motifs, but I will place lightning under this category. Lightning is something that has always followed Gillion around. He’s been struck by it god knows how many times, but it’s also part of his magic. I don’t think he harbours the same kind of anger as the other two. He experiences it in a different way. He uses it.

lightning is a tool through which Gillion has learnt to focus his anger. He uses it in battle, and that’s mostly the only time we see him with any outward anger. Sure, he’s not the calmest and chillest of people, but that’s for different reasons. His morals are important to him, but he cares a lot about defending them the ‘correct’ way.

Lightning takes the discipline he was taught as a child, and combines it with his high energy, crazy personality. Lightning means using all of his resources, and making old techniques his own. Lightning is the power to protect those he cares about

I’m supposed to be writing my fic but I did this instead…

[maximwtf]

izzy hands x reader where the reader also served in the navy with izzy. reader has chronic pain and izzy helps them through a particularly painful flare up after overexerting their energy.

Izzy x Reader

words: 1600

google docs pages: 3

warnings: Slight s2 spoilers (I think :”D), smoking, back pain, platonic relationship, hurt/comfort

opening: Blackbeard was back as he used to be, but so was the fierce work no one truly missed. You could endure it, but at some point it became too much, causing a flare up. 

AN// Reader can be any gender! I wasn’t sure what kind of chronic pain you meant, so I went with what I was most familiar with myself. Thank you for the request, I had fun writing this! I hope you like it ^^ (Also take this as a peace offering for the angst I’m going to write next) Requests for him are still very much open!

 “Peace of mind”

Izzy had worked alongside you for as long as you could remember. You had both joined Blackbeard’s crew around the same time; and during the time there so far you had seen Izzy get the position as first mate, seen crew members die and watched Blackbeard change. Stede had come along at some point, and as much as you were used to ignoring people coming on the ship and leaving alive or dead, this one didn’t seem to budge. He stayed and even your stubborn mind could see that he had brought change along his arrival. Blackbeard wasn’t acting the same as before. Sometimes he’d dress differently, behave and talk differently and most of all, it felt like the ship had two captains from time to time which didn’t fit in the ideology of a pirate ship that you had in mind. This didn’t anger you though, not in the way that it seemed to irritate Izzy. He’d often come to you and complain for hours after he’d gotten nowhere with trying to convince Blackbeard to get rid of this man who called himself the gentleman pirate. 

Just as you had kept telling Izzy that Stede would eventually leave, he did. But what came back as Blackbeard was someone else other than the man you’d known him as before. Soon after his return Izzy had gotten his foot injured and refused to tell you what had happened, making you only assume how Edward was now acting. You tried to help him, but he’d become a little more distant as time went on. Which hurt you, but there was no time to think about that. Blackbeard was attacking so many ships and taking in so much treasure from those ships that the crew barely had time to rest. At that point it wasn’t just izzy who looked more than a little disheveled, it was the whole crew. Everyone was exhausted and at this point some even felt bad for the acts they had performed under Blackbeard's command. And you were no different from them.

No different, up until this point. Blackbeard had started to command for the crew to start throwing some of the treasure overboard, since he needed to make more space for new treasure to fit in. It had already been a strain on your back to carry the items in, but to carry them back out at a rather fast phase sounded like it wouldn’t end well for you. The back pain had started off as light, small stings of pain whenever you worked. And you’d ignored it, shrugged it off as something that would pass even if you internally knew what was coming if you kept this up. The feeling was all too familiar, and the part of you that was aware of this also knew that one day you’d wake up and the pain would be much more intense. But you pretended not to know this, because you didn’t want to imagine what would happen if you stopped working for a while and Blackbeard caught you slacking off. Izzy was also aware of your condition, most of the time a little more aware than you had ever been about it. You hadn’t even wanted to admit to yourself when Izzy had suggested that maybe the back pain was chronic, even if he’d been correct. You didn’t want to be known as that injured person in your unit. And that conversation happened long before this moment. 

Yet another night was setting in, and the sea seemed empty, thankfully. No ships meant no fighting and that gave the crew time to rest. And so most of the people took advantage of that and were sleeping wherever they could, giving you time to be alone on the main deck. Your back hurt, and moving made it so much more worse so you had given up and leaned your whole body weight on a mast pole. The heavy boxes of treasure you’d carried today and the days before were the last straw, and this was the flare up that followed. Crouching down at this point was not even an option, and so you leaned your head against the mast and took a drag from the cigarette you held between your fingers, blowing the smoke into the cool sea air. The pain was bringing your mood down, further down than it had already been buried with the work and atmospehere on the ship. 

As another shaky breath of smoke left you, the sound of someone arriving on the main deck rang in the silence of the night. The person made their way to the mast, stopping behind you. “You’re spending the time to rest well.” He said, the voice revealing who the person was. Of course Izzy had come to see where you were. “I was about to come down soon.” You took another drag from the cigarette, turning to give the rest to Izzy but the movement made you groan before Izzy’s hand made contact with yours, taking the cigarette. You didn’t want to look at him again, leaning back against the pole. That had been enough to alert him of the flare up, and you knew he wasn’t going to leave you alone after that. “You moron, I told you to fucking leave the heavy work to someone else.” He said, voice stern but you knew he was worried, which you hated. He looked half dead most of the time when he came back from a visit with Blackbeard, yet he found it in him to worry for you. Maybe that was the small part that was left of his past self, still trying desperately to care for you. “I can do things just fine.” Your jaw tightened, not out of anger for his worry but out of frustration for yourself. You felt useless, even if you had done the work this was always the result. Even the standing hurt, as simple of a task as that was. 

Izzy took one last drag from the cigarette, putting it out by pushing it against the mast, leaving a black mark on it. “Come on, I’ll cover for you as long as you need me to.” He turned around, your gaze followed him. He was expecting you to follow him, but you didn’t just yet. He was limping, worse than before. The feeling of worry over him eased out the scowl from your face, following him all the way to his quarters. He took breaks while walking, turning to check on you but not saying anything. 

You entered his quarters first, looking at the bed before drawing in a breath and sitting down with a groan. It hurt, and it felt like it wasn’t even getting better than this. No matter how much time you thought had passed, this always happened after a certain amount of work. And recently it had started to feel like the amount of work you could endure had begun to be smaller and smaller. And if now Izzy got himself in trouble for covering your work, that would be your fault too. An overwhelmed sob escaped, and soon another. You’d feel embarrassed if this was the first time you’d broken down in front of him, but it wasn’t. This was just another flare up to the collection of many that he’d been there for. “Come on now, look here.” He said, voice a little further away as he tried to grab something from under his bed. “Fuck off.” You groaned, keeping your eyes closed, but it didn’t block the tears from making their way down your cheeks. “I know ye think this is again it, but you’ve made it this far…” He said, the sentence sounding like he had drifted off while looking for the item and forgotten to say the rest. “So how about we talk?” He finished, voice a little more awkward. Had he picked that up from Stede? You grinned slightly, opening your eyes as the tears kept making their way down. “As a crew?” You joked. Talking things out as a crew had become somewhat of a joke for the two of you, after listening to Izzy rant about how much he despised the change Stede had brought. “Sure.” He shrugged, more amused by your attitude now and willing to keep it up. “Rum?” The first mate asked, turning to you with the bottle he had found. He reached out with his free hand and wiped away the tears racing down, but before he was able to pull away you took a hold of his wrist. “Please.” Came out as more of a whisper, his thumb caressed the top of your hand a couple of times. Izzy corked the bottle, handing it to you. “There you are.” The first mate said, almost silent enough for you to miss it. There weren’t many things on the ship anymore that brought you back to the surface, but Izzy had stuck around for reasons you could not name. But it made you feel better. Things could be worse, and the pain would pass. It was okay for now. 

AN// I'm sorry if there are any spelling errors, even though I did proof read this. I'm too hyped to write for this man to hold back anything I write to double check everything XD

[wejustvibing]

Adding onto that one anon and the post about Jenson and Lewis but it’s such a weird thing to read that people want Lewis to “have a paranoid breakdown again” in the reblogs because they hate his PR presence and personality and how people are talking about him like he’s a criminal mastermind in tricking people into thinking he’s a much better person than he is. But then they’ll see Fernando Alonso and his current rebranding of being memeable, while also giving him pass on his aggressive actions and comments from the past and now by saying “oh he’s just a silly old man!” Nico Rosberg consistently mentions Lewis and does participate in the narrative that Lewis is “just naturally talented” and constantly tries to prop himself up by using Lewis they go “aww brocedes moment” It’s mostly to do with how they find Nico or Fernando more “genuine” than Lewis, but never have the mind to wonder WHY Fernando or Nico or any of the white drivers can be more aggressive or bitchy or don’t have to be as PR-acceptable as Lewis is. Hamilton, Yuki Tsunoda, Zhou Guanyu, and every other non-white driver consistently get criticized for their aggressive moments in ways that the white drivers do not. If Lewis Hamilton were to push another driver or put hands on another driver the way that Max had he would have NOT been praised that way, and I’m tired of seeing F1 fans on every platform not understand the importance for POC and especially Hamilton for being the only black driver in F1 right now to keep up PR. A lot of these people want to see Lewis Hamilton have a tantrum or break his PR character as like a gotcha moment. They want to see him get upset or angry and go “see! I told you that he’s secretly evil!” And it’s frustrating and gross. And this is not me trying to excuse any nasty behavior Lewis Hamilton has done (the twitter follow meltdown is embarrassing for him) but to see people excuse or even praise white tears and anger while not allowing Hamilton the same energy because he’s too “media trained” and PR smells of something nasty and we all know what it is. F1 fans think they can shit on Nelson Piquet or Helmut Marko for their racism and bigotry and think they’ve solved racism within F1 but that can’t be the end of it

that's f1 in a nutshell, yea

we have no choice but to witness this and watch the same people try convincing next generations how lewis wasn't appreciated enough in his time once he r words

[im-out-of-it]

season 2, episode 4, part 3 “day of wrath” continued (long because I went on a bitchfest so sue me)

66. I always love watching Magnus’s expression when they’re about to summon Camille. this is not something that is easy for Magnus to do but he’s doing it because it needs to be done (I don’t know how to flip it but whatever) (I don’t have a degree or common sense in IT but I tried) (so be nice to me )

67. Magnus looks so devastated knowing he will have to betray Camille

68. ah shit, my poor alec

69. now Alec looks so devastated. okay but Alec couldn’t have known. anyone would have done what he did. Valentine may be a hypocritical bad villain but he is good about making sneak attacks and using his resources. you can bet your ass that anyone would’ve done the same especially jace and clary. they would be too busy ogling each other. (how they are in charge in the books always baffles me) how was Alec supposed to know that a demon sneakily got into the institute? he doesn’t have eyes and ears all over the place

70. Simon, some people get excited about dirt (I couldn’t resist- also don’t like small gifs so I used them both AND I CANT BELIEVE HE IMPROVISED THIS SHIT)

71. yes clary, the institute loves to gossip. it’s boring waiting around for demons to show up

72. Izzy: be fucking grateful for once bitch

73. Izzy is way toooooooo nice to clary. Clary is one of those people that just suck the energy right out of ya

74. Izzy: not everyone can be Isabelle Lightwood

75. too be fair, she makes it look easy 🥰

76. “so maybe you should be glad you have one who wants to try and make things right.” MY GIRL IZZY LEFT NO DUST!!!!!! no because clary is one of thee most ungrateful people around. she’s allowed to be upset at her mother for lying, but Jocelyn does anything she can to protect clary while Maryse has been a cold hearted cunt to Alec and Izzy so just be appreciative for once clary

77. Lydia, I would suggest being nice

78. YEAH THATS MY MAN ALEC

79. meant to post these before (Alec investigates and jace has dreams of ugh clary)

80. Lydia gave it her all so maybe raj will watch his mouth next time lmaooo

81. I don’t see why they didn’t have Alec shoot the smoke but I guess they need Alec to keep suffering and enduring for no reason

82. I also want to point out from a recent discussion I had that Alec did not need to endure all of this. he’s gone through hell from season one and now. he’s almost died twice, sorted through complex feelings, almost got married, and is having my boyfriend is immortal crisis and I’m not. like did Alec really need to go through this? I feel like they wanted it to be almost payback for Alec not wanting clary around and all of the stuff he’s said

83. I’m on board for Jocelyn dying but let’s remember, alec didn’t choose to kill her. the demon finds anger and hurt and it chooses its victim. Alec didn’t go on a plan to kill Jocelyn no matter how tempting it is. and remember, Jocelyn would have been fine if Alec died all for finding clary. she didn’t seem to mind giving him that stone. so I’m just saying, at least Alec wasn’t being intentional about this. and Jocelyn knew what could happen with that stone but she didn’t care as long as clary was protected 🙄

84. I can’t stand this episode for many reasons but it felt like a smear Alec campaign. has this man not been through enough? Maryse practically disowned him, he had all his shit in season one, almost lost Izzy, was constantly betrayed by someone who is supposed to be his brother and bestie, and almost died twice. and I’m no way trying to play the gay card but Alec is in the top five people who go through the most shit but also why is the gay man going through some of the worst possible shit???

85. Magnus izzy Maia Simon also Raphael are included but Alec is constantly getting judged for other peoples decisions, the blame goes on him, he almost dies thrice for someone who wouldn’t save him given the time of day, and he’s got so much hurt and anger inside him. I’m honestly upset they never let Alec process anything. literally he doesn’t marry Lydia and dates Magnus but there’s no time to process because jace leaves so let’s make it all about jace!!!!!!! I love the show for putting Alec first but I’m hurt that he hardly gets to process anything. it’s an upgrade for sure from the books but no one really talks about all he endures

86. and clary does say she’s not upset at Alec but she still blames him in a way. Alec didn’t seek Jocelyn out but she did seek alec out with the stone in episode 2. they never processed Alec’s dark side and I think that’s a shame because Matt is a very gifted and talented actor and I think he would have excelled at that. y’all can fucking quote me- Matt would have killed a more dark serious role. and after all the shit Alec goes through, his villain arc would’ve been warranted and justified at this point. he’s very good at the comedic timing, being serious, changing his character up but having alec go dark alec would have been very fun to watch. I have full confidence that Matt would’ve pulled it off EASY

87. speaking of Matt, I always love his interviews so let’s take a breaky break

88. HE JUST GETS ALEC

89. I’m done gushing for now BUT I CANT HELP IT!!!!!! Matt talking about Alec’s arc because he is summing up how a lot happens in season one and it’s not the books and basically how Alec doesn’t matter in the books. he just really fucking gets Alec more than CC understands Alec. after all, she wanted to kill him off first book and the way she treats the lightwoods shows how much she can’t stand any of them. Matt is a hardcore Malec and Alec and Magnus shipper and I love him for that. he gave Alec the potential he so needed!!!!!!!!!!

90. where the fuck was I?????? oh that’s right, alec just saved Lydia AGAIN but she saved him too

91. trial by mortal sword ⚔️ 🗡️ ah shit

92. I’m going to post the video of Magnus talking about Camille in the next one 🫶🏼

93. poor Magnus having to make one of the hardest choices in his life. Camille saved him and has been an old friend of his. it’s going to be very painful for Magnus to do this. he’s not someone who willingly betrays an old friend and lover but Camille has gotten out of hand. I wish they didn’t get rid of her

94. I mean Magnus is still a human being with thoughts and emotions and who goes through challenges and hardships but valid Simon

95. well last time you’ll see your mother clary, say bye (also forgot this one, slay Izzy)

96. I wonder if Jocelyn knew that clary was desiring jace romantically before she had her heart yanked out (THANK YOU ALEXANDER)

97. because it’s very obvious to us

98. I’m still mad we were robbed of more Alec

99. like imagine a dark Alec arc. instead of seeing jace be saved or clary like a dark Alec or Magnus would have been ten times more fun to see plus Matt and Harry would have killed it but what do I know I’m totally fucking biased

going to stop at 100 and will start part four tomorrow and it should probably be the last one since there’s about 13 ish minutes left

[david3096]

It's almost Día de muertos once again. I can't believe I wrote this two years ago!

This has a lot of things, romance, comedy and sad moments of life. So, if you are looking for a buddie fic like that this is the one for you!

A little preview...

“It's not the same thing" Eddie repeats, and this time he can hear his voice getting louder and angrier. He starts to feel stares from the people around him, he wishes Buck had chosen a more private place to annoy him and not a restaurant.

“Why?" asks Bobby, sounding genuinely interested.

“I don't know, día de muertos is something kind of... spiritual" he tries to explain.

“I didn't think you were the spiritual type” says Chim.

“I’m not.”

“See" Buck points out "Total hypocrisy.” Buck grins directly at him. “It's like that time you made fun of me because I think a ghost called 911.”

“Buck, shut up" Bobby says, but his best friend just smiles wider.

“Seriously, Evan" Buck frowns for two seconds "Is it so bad that I can believe in this?" Buck seems to meditate it over because he stops looking at him, the smile is wiped off his face, and he remains silent.

“I don't know if my question is offensive, but" Hen pauses, looking at everyone at the table "When did you start believing?" Eddie laughs lightly, they don't really understand what this tradition means, although if he's honest, sometimes he doesn't understand it perfectly either “or does this work?" Hen adds.

“Well, this isn't like Santa Claus" he says "I've believed in this for as long as I can remember. It's something I've always done and want to keep doing" he pauses, looking at Buck "I like to remember the people who are gone. The good parts, the bad parts. Believing that their spirit, energy or whatever it is can still be in the world.”

“And is actually necessary to make an altar?" asks Chim and Hen taps him on the shoulder.

“Probably not” Eddie laughs. “But my Abuela used to say that these days is when people in the other world are allowed to cross over, to return to the world of the living.”

“Basically the movie Coco" Chim says.

“No, and you shouldn't let yourself be guided by what día de muertos is by that movie," Eddie notices that slight anger in his voice again.

“What?!" All four say at the same time, truly surprised.

“I'm just saying what I think" Eddie feels a little uncomfortable for some reason, "I'm not saying it's a bad movie, but it's not quite what I think día de muertos is.”

“But the movie is great!" defends Hen. "I couldn't stop crying at the end!”

“And don't pretend that you didn't cry when we went to see the movie with Chris" Buck speaks again, his face has a gesture he can´t decipher, but he can feel that the Buck he is a little more in love with is back. He´s also in love with the one that annoys him, but the sweet one is better.

“I know, I know" he says, "Maybe I am a bit of a hypocrite" Buck gives him a sad half-smile.

“You are not.”

“No, no, stop there" says Hen "Let's not turn this conversation into a Buck and Eddie are in love moment" they both open their eyes wide and look at each other silently "I said what I said" Bobby and Chim have a grin on their faces "I want to know what's wrong with Coco in your opinion, Eddie.”

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Normal: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.3k

Summary: Another lunch with your parents reveals something that’s been locked in your head, but your dad makes you confused and jumbles up the truth. It’s hard enough to focus on a case with a deranged man killing people on the road, you don’t need family drama on top of it.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

Back at the station, as soon as Jordan knew what she wanted to say, she put together a press conference so she could get the profile out to others. It's still early in the day, so you're confident that a lot of people will watch this. You head back to the station with Spencer's lunch in hand, and he greets you with a kiss when he sees you.

"Thank you," he smiles.

Jordan is on the TV talking with the press, and everyone in the station is watching her on the news.

"We ask the public to listen very carefully to the following description. Anyone who believes they recognize this individual should call our tip line immediately. We are looking for a white, middle-aged, married father. We believe his wife is blond, approximately forty years old, resembles the victims, and drives a luxury sedan. This individual drives a blue small-model SUV and most likely lives in this area. It is also very possible this individual recently suffered a personal trauma in his life. Again, a white, middle-aged, married father. We believe his wife is blond, approximately forty years old, resembles the victims, and drives a luxury sedan."

Jordan makes sure everyone knows exactly who you're looking for, and not long after the conference is aired, there are reports of another murder. The unsub watched the press conference, and he got pissed so he went and murdered someone to get that anger out.

This time, he went off script. This wasn't a calculated plan. This was out of anger. The unsub killed two young men with multiple shots each. Everyone is gathered to watch, but the local police are doing a good job of keeping them at bay.

The energy coming from the parked car is that of two young men, but there is another floating around everywhere. It's the unsub's. He's unhinged, and his condition is getting worse by the second. This man isn't suffering from multiple personalities or anything like that, but he is suffering from a mental illness.

"Joe Karem and Timothy Calvert. DOA with no wants and no warrants. They work in the area, and detectives are notifying their families," Thea says.

"He used a sawed-off shotgun," you state. "That, coupled with close range, shot it out of the driver's side window and driving a blue SUV. It's our guy, but he went way off script. He's suffering, and it's only a matter of time before he's driving down the road and shooting everyone until he's caught."

"Something triggered him and pissed him off."

"Yeah, the press conference. It aired at two, and this happened at 2:20. He was watching the news."

"A Single witness says the shooter was driving a small blue SUV. They didn't get a plate but noticed it was a middle-aged white guy wearing a tie. His suit jacket was hanging in the back."

"If he drives the speed limit, and taking account into red lights and mid-day traffic, I'd say he came from no more than ten miles away. If he was wearing a suit with a suit jacket in the back, he was coming from work. He works in the area."

"I'm gonna call Garcia," Derek says and walks away from the group.

"You think he's gonna kill again soon, don't you?" Thea asks.

"Yes, and he's done killing surrogates."

"Did you know?" Jordan storms over to Hotch angrily.

"Excuse us." Hotch grabs her arm gently and guides her away from everyone else, but you can still hear them. "This is not the time or the place. Are you gonna do this in front of the press?"

"He killed those people because of something I said!"

"No. When we talk to the public, it's always a possibility. That is part of the job. Tell me now if you can do it or not."

"Damn right, I can do this job."

Jordan is in over her head. She thinks she can handle it but she lets her inexperience get the better of her. She was never prepared for what all JJ had to deal with since JJ couldn't teach her everything in time.

"Good. You're about to give another press conference."

Since the press was already at the scene, it wasn't hard to gather everyone. Jordan, with some help from Hotch, had everything she needed to say to them. You're standing off to the side watching her and studying her behavior.

"We are prepared to release to the public additional information about the individual responsible for the freeway shooting. The individual is a white, forty-five to fifty-five-year-old male of average build. He works in this area. He wears a suit and tie to work, and left work very abruptly shortly after two immediately after watching our earlier statement about him. If anyone has any additional information, please call our anonymous tip line. Thank you." She turns to leave but pauses and turns to the camera again. "One last thing. This individual has committed horrible crimes and must be held to account, but he is a husband and a father. He's violent and troubled, but he must be capable of some degree of mercy and compassion. So, we appeal to him... Do not hurt any more people. Please turn yourself in."

This happened so recently that no one could forget if their coworkers suddenly left without an excuse. Someone called the tip line about their coworker, so you, Derek, and Spencer headed over to the place where the call originated to talk to the caller in person. Jack's a worker at a local office building, and his coworker fits the description Jordan gave perfectly.

"That's funny, when I heard the description in the first press conference, I thought of Norman. I just thought it couldn't be, you know? He's so quiet."

"What does Norman do?"

"He's in charge of the company's travel expenses. This is his desk."

Jack escorts you to Norman's desk, and all of his red angry energy is left behind.

"Does he have access to the company cars?"

"Yeah, the whole fleet."

"What about the first press conference made you think of Norman?" you ask.

"The woman mentioned something about him suffering a tragedy. His daughter died in a car accident. She was run over after she ran out into the street."

"How long ago was this?"

"Six months. I really should have done more to help him." A woman brings Jack a file on Norman. "This is Norman's personnel file."

You take it and file through it until you get to his personal information such as his address.

"Is this address current?"

"It should be."

"Why are there two files?"

"We cross-reference married couples. Norman's wife Vanessa works here, too."

"We need to speak with her."

"She's not here. She just got a promotion, so she took a couple of weeks off."

Your phone rings, and you pick up when you see Hotch calling. Derek is already texting Emily the address since she's with Hotch and Rossi.

"Y/N, we have a high-speed chase at 117th and Pacific. It sounds like our guy."

"Alright, we're closer to that, so we're on our way now."

"Prentiss got the address from Morgan, so we're headed to his house. If he's having a break, he could be on his way there to finish it. We're on our way. Be careful."

"Got it." You hang up. "We need to go." The three of you take off back to the car with you and Derek in the front and Spencer. Norman's anger swirls out of the building which only you can see. "Go straight and make a right at the light up ahead. I can see his energy."

Derek makes a sharp right, and you have to grab onto the handlebar that's attached to the ceiling. Derek is driving fast to catch up to the car chase, and none of you are wearing any seatbelts. With his crazy driving, it's hard for everyone to stay in their seats, causing Spencer to panic. Derek is making sharp turns and weaving in and out of traffic, and you shake your head.

"Spencer, baby, I love you to pieces but you need to calm down. The more you panic, the more I panic, and if we're both panicking, then Derek panics and he can't panic while driving."

"Sorry. Sorry," Spencer chuckles nervously.

"We're just going to put our seatbelts on." You're the only one who does so, and that takes flying out the window off your chest. "Take a left at the next light."

Derek does so, but not a lot of people are seeing a big police SUV barreling their way. You close your eyes tightly because if you don't see it, then it's not really there. Derek makes it through the light without any injury to anyone, and you open your eyes to peek at what's going on.

The police are chatting over the radio, and you can hear someone shooting at them. It sounds like a shotgun, and you can only imagine it's Norman shooting.

"Repeat, shots fired! On the chase now," an officer says.

"He's losing it. Reid, does it look like the chase could be headed to his house?"

Spencer has the map of the area in the backseat. You can tell Derek which direction Norman is going, but Spencer can tell him where he's heading to.

"Uh, yeah, I think so. It almost looks like he's starting to go in a wide circle toward that direction."

"All units, pursuit now headed over Memorial Bridge."

"We're almost there. Turn right at the next light. Memorial Bridge is around the next corner," Spencer says.

Derek approaches the intersection before the bridge, and all three of you see Norman racing in the opposite direction with three police cars behind him.

"Hold on!!" Derek slams on the brakes and does a quick U-turn to chase after everyone. "Are you okay?"

"I'll get back to you on that," you mutter.

"Reid, get on the radio and tell them we're in the chase," Derek says and steps on the gas pedal.

"This is the FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit," Spencer says over the radio. "We caught up to the chase and are now monitoring. We ask if you're able to stop the vehicle, you allow us to take the lead in contacting the driver. We believe him to be a severely deranged suspect."

"Copy."

Derek turns the corner and slams on the brakes when he sees the situation unfold. Norman swerves to the left and crashes into the concrete median. His car flips over and lands on the roof, shattering the windshield into pieces. Derek is the first out of the car and Spencer is the second. You take a moment to gather yourself before unbuckling your seat belt. You open the door and step out, and that's when the entire world slows down around you.

Derek yells at the officers not to shoot, but no noise is coming out of his mouth. Norman crawls out of the car in slow motion but you're not looking at him. You can see Norman's family in the car, but they're not moving to get out at all. All three of them (his wife and two kids) look at you before glitching out of existence.

They were never in the car with him even though he thought they were. They're dead and he may not even know it.

The entire world speeds up and returns back to normal, and you raise your gun at Norman like everyone else is doing.

"Norman! Don't move!"

"What are you doing? What are you doing? My family's inside!"

"Stop and listen to me! Listen to me! Nobody is in that car. Your family's gone, Norman."

"No, they're in there."

Norman's pain is great enough for you to feel it from where you're standing, and the tears start to well in your eyes.

"They're gone, Norman! Look inside. Look in the car. They were never there. It's over. They were never with you."

"No, but they were," he says heartbreakingly.

"Your family's gone, Norman."

Norman looks in the car and sees it's empty, and that's when he breaks down crying.

"Oh, god, what did I do? Oh, what did I do to my family? My family! I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"

Derek puts his gun away and manages to handcuff Norman, and you lower your gun just as the tears fall from your eyes.

"It's over, Norman. We're gonna get you some help."

You see this kind of thing all the time, but Jordan usually doesn't. She thought she could do this job, but after seeing Norman's family dead in their beds from where he shot them, she decided that this isn't the job for her. The entire ride back home was draining, but as soon as you stepped foot into the BAU, you felt relief.

"Hey, do you guys ever notice how the trip home always seems to go so much faster?" Emily asks.

"That's because the tailwinds are in our favor," Spencer answers.

You look up and see someone standing in the briefing room, and a wide smile breaks out on your face when you recognize her blonde hair.

"JJ's here."

You set your things down and rush over to the briefing room where she's standing by the table holding her son. You gasp happily when you see your Godson in her arms.

"What are you doing here?" Spencer smiles.

"Hello, handsome boy," you grin and gently grab his fist.

"Garcia said you guys were on your way back tonight. I thought you could use a surprise."

"I thought I gave you strict orders to get this place out of your head for a while," Hotch says.

"My bad. I couldn't help myself," Penelope says when she enters with a bottle of milk in her hands. "Here. I heated it up."

"JJ," Derek says and makes his way to the front. "May I?"

"Of course."

JJ hands her son over to Derek who supports his head. He's grinning from ear to ear, and you notice Hotch is even cracking a smile at this.

"Look at that. He smiles," you tease him.

"I just realized with all that we do and see in this room, it never smiles. I wanted at least one good memory to hold on to."

"This is the best memory you could have given us," you grin and hug her.

"There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were." - President Dwight Eisenhower

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[crescentlyautumn]

So, I want to share something that’s been sitting in my brain since KinnPorsche the Series aired. I’m a person who loves seeing colors and their meanings in the media I consume, as well as seeing how those colors connect to characters and become like a calling card for them. And oh boy does KPTS do that often. And one thing I’ve seen over and over again is that when Pete is on screen, – and somehow Vegas is involved – the color green appears.

In either lighting, clothing, and/or background items/decorations. And yes, green lighting is shown in scenes where neither is involved, or just Vegas, but it’s most common with Pete.

The meal that Vegas barges in on at the main home where Pete is present? Green lighting.

Pete in the car with the condoms and Vegas? Green lighting.

Pete snooping in the minor home and getting caught? Green shutters and Vegas in a green robe.

Pete being tortured? Green lighting.

Pete in the safe house? Green lighting.

Pete afterwards in the tub after his escape? Green lighting.

Vegas when he is pretty much confessing to Porsche about his feelings for Pete and swearing he’ll keep him safe no matter what? Green silk shirt.

Now, I know what you’re saying, “This sounds almost like Vegas is the green color.” Or “Well green can mean this thing, so it’s not really connected to Pete.” And yes, you are probably correct, but this is where it gets interesting. (Also this is just my personal take. So anything else is also valid.)

We know how Pete is as a character, right? Well look at what we find when we look at the color green:

“Green is a very down–to–earth color. It can represent new beginnings and growth. It also signifies renewal and abundance. Alternatively, green can also represent envy or jealousy, and a lack of experience. In spiritual terms, the color green implies beginnings, new growth, vibrant health, and other ideas connected with life, rebirth, and renewal.”

Now, does some of that sound familiar? These are all things that you can tie to Pete. Down-to-earth, lack of experience (you all know), beginnings, new growth, rebirth/renewal, and even envy or jealousy (from what I’ve seen people talk about how Pete felt about Porsche at certain points.) These are parts of Pete and his journey throughout KPTS.

Even more interesting is when you look into green in terms of love:

“What does the color green mean in love?

Green is the color of the heart chakra, symbolizing love to others, forgiveness, compassion, understanding, transformation, warmth, sharing, sincerity and devotion.”

Now tell me that isn’t Pete’s love for others, but especially Vegas. That’s basically how Pete loves Vegas down to the letter in the series.

But let’s also look at Vegas while we’re here. So I know most of the fandom pins Vegas’ color as red (I do too) and when you go back and look at certain scenes (the torture and safe house scenes for example) you see both colors. And the show almost always seems to add the red once Vegas enters, and even frames them accordingly to their colors. So of course we have to look at that.

Now what’s interesting is red and green are opposites, yet complimentary colors on the color wheel. One could almost say two things that are the same yet different. (Yes, I am implying Vegas and Pete being similar, yet different right now.) But let’s take an even closer look at the colors and what they represent when compared to each other:

“Red is a color of vigor and energy. It represents passion, urgency and grabs instant attention. It can also cause you to feel hunger, which is why it is used in food and beverage logos.” Now who does this sound like? Grabs instant attention, vigor and energy, but above all else causing you to feel hunger?

“Since red is the color of blood, it has historically been associated with sacrifice, danger, and courage. Modern surveys in Europe and the United States show red is also the color most commonly associated with heat, activity, passion, sexuality, anger, love, and joy.” And now we bring blood, danger, sacrifice, passion, sexuality, anger, love, and joy into the mix as well? Seems pretty spot on with Vegas.

“Green, on the other hand, is a color of peace, rejuvenation, nature, cleanliness, and fertility.” So when compared to red, green is its opposite: bringing peace, a rebirth of some sorts, and cleanliness (like washing away the sins of your past perhaps?). But also note how some similarities still are there.

Now one last look at the colors. I feel like this one is the big kicker for these two, and really sells Pete as green, and Vegas as Red: “Green speaks to our desire to foster understanding and acceptance between people and to see the potential value and goodness of each person. Green does not represent the color of love on the level of passion between two people. Throughout history, red has been the color of passion, romance, and sexual energy.”

That to me is Pete. If nothing else, that is Pete as a character and how you see him in his time at the safe house. He tries over and over to understand Vegas, see the value and goodness in him, as well as acceptance for who he is and of his past. You can even boil it down to just how Pete is as a person and how he loves/cares for people in general.

And when we look at the love on a romantic or just simply passion level, we see how Vegas and Pete are different. Vegas – like most people in his family – loves people to obsession. Once he loves you, he will do anything for you. He cannot and will not let anything or anyone harm Pete. He brings the intensity and sexual energy that we never really get from Pete. Pete loves in a more nurturing and compassionate way. Vegas comes in like a fire, whereas Pete comes in like a gentle rain on a summer day.

But when they two come together (look at me bringing things back around again) they compliment each other, and both take from one another. Pete learns to be more rage and heat. Finds that hunger and passion that he never had before. Finds the love and sexuality that he never explored or was aware of in his life.

Vegas cools down some of his heat and rage, and brings in the compassion and understanding of others (even if we only get to see it briefly with people like Porsche and Pete.) And we even see him entering his rebirth right before he gets shot and afterwards. Him finding that peace and devotion. That warmth and his own love that he never had before.

Red and green are two colors that work perfectly (again, in my opinion) for these two as “their colors”, but also to give us more depth and insight into two characters who didn’t get as much time and development as others. Complimentary, yet opposites. The same, yet different. Two people that you would never expect to come together, yet are soulmates through and through for one another.

One ruby heart, now speckled with beautiful emeralds. One lush and green heart, now blooming beautiful red blossoms.

[midnightshard06]

Fictober Day 6: "I'm not giving up"

You can check it out on ao3 here if you prefer.

Summary: The Black Arms return to earth in order to take it over. Shadow finds himself feeling conflicted about the whole situation.

Set in my Lost and Found AU

Warnings: None

Word Count: ~850 words

Shadow sucked in a deep breath as his head was filled with a familiar chatter. Something he hadn’t heard for a long time. It was overwhelming in a way. Around him the Black Arms swarmed the city yet he was frozen in place. Somewhere out there Sonic and Tails were no doubt fighting off the invasion but Shadow felt rooted to the spot.

“How does it feel to finally see these pathetic creatures getting what they deserve Shadow?” Black Doom asked from somewhere behind him. Shadow’s ear twitched at the familiar voice, he felt conflicted about the relief that washed over him at hearing it. “Speechless I see. I imagine you’ve waited a long time for this.” 

Shadow’s mind brought up memories from the few times Black Doom had managed to bring him to the Black Comet when he was still living on the Ark. Those were memories that had always held a special place for him. They were some of the few happy memories he had about his time on the Ark. Those and every time Maria managed to visit him. Looking at the destruction the Black Arms were wreaking though truly had him feeling conflicted. Black Doom had never told him the Black Arms’ goals all those years ago, but now that he knew he wasn’t sure what to think. He also hated to think that perhaps back then he would have agreed with them.

He raised his hands to speak but quickly put them down. There was no point when he both didn’t know if Black Doom would even understand him, and when there was a much more convenient mode of communication that didn’t need him to speak out loud. “Is this all necessary?” Shadow looked back finally as he asked the question through the Black Arms’ hive mind. It felt odd to access it directly like this after how long it had been and how used to functioning without it he’d grown to be.

“The humans must be properly subjugated.” Black Doom folded his arms behind his back. “That requires them to be properly crushed.”

Part of Shadow wanted to agree, but he wasn't sure how much of that was due to his own feelings and how much was due to influence from Black Doom. There was only ever one human that had been kind to him. Well at least on the Ark. Sure Sonic wasn’t a human but he’d shown Shadow that people could be kind and accepting. Ever since the blue hedgehog had found him Shadow had been learning that not everyone was like the people on the Ark. Did the whole of humanity really deserve to pay for the sins of a few no matter how much he may want to take revenge? 

Shadow flicked his tail in annoyance. “No…” He spoke out loud, his voice rough from general lack of use.

“What do you mean?” Black Doom mostly sounded curious but there was an edge to his voice.

It was in that moment Shadow realized just how much he’d changed, how much he’d really let Sonic and the others into his life. He turned to Black Doom, standing tall and face set into a defiant frown. “I’m not giving up on this world.” He snarled. “I’m not giving up on all the people who’ve given me a chance.” He allowed chaos energy to crackle around his hands dangerously.

Black Doom’s eyes narrowed. “Do not defy me Shadow. You are one of us, you have no need for these lower creatures.”

“I may be one of you, but that doesn’t mean I have the same goals.” Shadow felt anger rise in him. Red hot and sudden. “You failed your end of the deal that day. Why should I listen to you!?” He’d not spoken this much possibly ever at one time, but the anger in his system had overridden any hesitation he may have had in that moment. “You’ve had your chance, but now I have something to protect.”

“Shadow-” There was a warning tone in Black Doom’s voice but Shadow didn’t let him finish. He chaos controlled away, somewhere deeper into the city. He needed to find Sonic and help fight off the Black Arms. Luckily the background chatter of the hivemind came in handy as Shadow followed the reports of a “blue blur”. He sped through the city, grateful he’d elected to use his air shoes today. Once he found Sonic they’d figure this out together.

Black Doom stared at the spot Shadow had been a moment ago in mild bewilderment. Just what had happened? Last Black Doom had seen the little hybrid he’d been completely on his side. Now he suddenly wanted to defy the only people which had shown him kindness? “How unexpected…” Black Doom hummed. While he’d been rather certain Shadow would still be on the Black Arm’s side by the time they returned, perhaps he’d underestimated the influence from the hybrid’s other DNA. Luckily he had someone who just might be able to appeal to Shadow’s more… emotionally driven side. “Eclipse?” He reached out through the hive mind. “I have a mission for you…”

[kaytaygay]

Time for Himiko’s backstory as promised!

Warnings in advance

1: I don’t know what I’m doing

2: ⛔️ do not read if triggered by the following ⚠️

Physical abuse

Mental abuse

Experimentation

Murder

More murder

Death

Arson but only once

Swearing

Guns

Syringes/needles/scalpels

And kidnapping.

Now let’s start!

her birth parents names were

Aka Shinamoru

And

Tani Shinamoru

No Himiko is not related to Akatani Shinamoru in any way I just used the name twice in the past because I was out of name ideas at the time and by now it’s too late to changer her name

Now when Mei was born her parents were already disappointed because she was born female and they were sexist assholes who wanted a boy so he could “carry on their legacy and become a hero” but apparently a girl couldn’t do that as well.

So of course they mildly abused her it was mostly just mild neglect and yelling but sometimes hitting her if she did something wrong, horrible parenting technique really.

they named her a mix of their names so her legal name was Akatani Shinamoru

I was dumb and named them the same ok?

Her life sucked at home and at school it was ok she didn’t really have any friends except for one, Jun Hano. Jun was her best friend they got along well because her parents also thought she should’ve been born a boy.

Then just a couple weeks before her fifth birthday Jun got a quirk! It was similar to her parents it gave her the ability to see the true nature of people meaning if say a random kid was acting nice she could tell if they were genuine or not.

But a month later Akatani still hadn’t gotten her quirk so her parents took her to the doctors to see why. But the doctor told them the worst possible news.

Akatani was quirkless.

She had the double pinky joint and therefore would not gain a quirk

But it seemed her body should be able to handle a quirk if she had one, her body was fit for whatever quirk she should’ve gotten.

Her mom was able to take energy from the surrounding area and give it to herself allowing her to feel more energized, she could also take energy from people. Her dads quirk allowed him to heal people using the persons own energy and her body seemed to be fit for holding more energy than most people but without a quirk she couldn’t do anything.

When they got home her parents finally showed their anger and beat her.

And it only got worse from there.

Seriously this is when her life had some joy in it, it only gets worse.

Every little thing she did wrong she’d get yelled at and hit for, even just making a little bit of noise would wind up in her getting hit.

Her best friend noticed that Akatani was acting different and when she asked what happened she told her the truth.

She was quirkless.

But Jun didn’t care, so they made a plan, on akatani’s half birthday they would run away together changing their names to Mei and Tei and never looking back.

It would’ve happened but that night her parents had called someone to the house. From what Akatani heard they were talking about her, but she could only barely hear them, until they called for her.

When she came down she was met with what looked to be an old man with odd glasses and a mustache, along with her parents and two other people who looked like bodyguards of sorts wearing all black and carrying firearms.

The weird looking old guy greeted her kindly and said she could simply call him the doctor, he said he was here to help with her quirk problem.

She got a little excited if he was here to help then she’d have a quirk and when she runs away she’d have a better chance at getting a job!

But then it all went to shit, after her parents gave him the money he told the guards to shoot her parents.

And they did.

Her parents were shot, and dead.

Being only five she of course tried to scream but “the doctor” covered her mouth before she could.

The guards then lit her house on fire and ran, with the doctor picking her up and running with them.

She was shoved into the trunk of a car and was stuck in there for what felt like hours crying and realizing she was never gonna get to run away with Jun.

Also I forgot to say, Jun’s name is pronounced like the month June.

When she was finally taken out of the trunk she seemed to be in a large garage it was well lit with white walls and a concrete floor, there was no clutter in the room except for five other vehicles. There was a large white van, a grey Volvo, a medium sized box truck that was blue in the front and its back was entirely white, a blue minivan, and another van but this one was black.

She wasn’t taken towards any of these vehicles though, instead she was taken out of the room and into a hallway, it was small but not too cramped and had the same white walls and concrete floor as the garage except it was a bit darker and had a dozen doors across each wall.

They kept on making seemingly random turns down different hallways in this maze of a building until she was finally taken into a room.

Oh gods she wished she was back home.

The room was medium sized with white tiled walls and matching floors, to the left was a table covered in scalpels, syringes filled with mystery liquids, quirk suppression cuffs and dozens of other things she didn’t know the names of. But the worst part was the middle of the room, there was a chair that looked like a dentists chair but ten times more uncomfortable, it was made of solid steel, had cuffs for the hands, feet, and torso, and had wires coming out of the back of it like those star wars torture devices they often put Jedi in.

She did not want to be put in that chair.

They put her in that chair. She tried to escape the man’s grip when he was putting her in but she was five and he was maybe sixty so he was much stronger than her and he managed to put her in the chair.

The doctor grabbed a syringe filled with a clear liquid and injected it into her arm. Immediately after she felt tired and drowsy, she tried to stay awake but after a few seconds she was out.

She woke up in a small dark room. there was nothing in the room other than her, but it was cold and the floor was hard. She got up and realized she was in what looked like an oversized white t shirt and white shorts, her arms and legs were covered in bandages and her hair was cut into a pixie cut.

Akatani didn’t feel any different than usual so what did he do?

Time skip to six months later cuz I’m lazy and on a swing.

Better question what didn’t the doctor do?

In maybe, six months? She had been put in the chair so many times that at this point she didn’t even fight. Her hair had turned white, from stress or the injections she didn’t know. And now the doctor says he has a special thing for her, whatever that is she honestly doesn’t want to know.

Forgot to say this is what Himiko looked like as a little kid

Now back to the story. Also it’s after the doctor gives her the surprise.

Everything hurt, every single part of her body felt like it was being stabbed by burning knives and she just wanted it to stop. The part that hurt the most was her left eye, whatever the doctor did to it was horrible. before the pain even came in she already couldn’t see out of it and it stung.

She hoped it would stop soon, maybe the doctor would decide that he was done with the experiments and he would send her out on the missions he keeps on talking about. at least then she wouldn’t be in this cell any more.

After what felt like days but was probably only a couple hours the pain finally subsided and only her eye hurt, she still couldn’t see out of her eye but at least she wasn’t in extreme pain only mild pain.

Then the doctor came in.

Great she thought, he’s either here to torture me more or hopefully send me off on one of the missions he says he’s been preparing me for.

It wasn’t a mission, but luckily it wasn’t experimenting either. Instead he was taking her to what he called “the training room” apparently she was going to practice using her quirks and learning different fighting styles and techniques which didn’t sound too bad, especially compared to how her life usually was.

Time skip to six hours later

She takes it back this is almost as bad. She’s been training for hours and the doctor says that she’s only halfway through her training for today. She’s already, practiced her teleportation abilities which she didn’t even know she had until today, she has practiced karate and taekwondo, and now she’s working on what the doctor calls “Jieitaikakutōjutsu” which he said was a military self defense fighting system that focuses on hand to hand, bayonet, and knife fighting.

He also said that after she gets used to fighting in taekwondo, karate and jieitaikakutōjutsu she would work on incorporating them into her own fighting style. Which he said she should be able to start doing in four or five months and should finish in a year. After that she could start going on missions.

She wished she could go on missions now because then at least she could go outside, but at least the experimentation is finally over.

Time skip to four months later.

The doctor says that she can now start incorporating all the fighting styles she’s learned into her own personal style, which should hopefully be a bit funner than this because after four months of almost constant practice she’s tired and bored of doing the same stuff every day. But at least with all this training she gets fed more. She gets one full meal a day along with four five minute water/bathroom breaks a day.

The first thing she has to do is work on slightly altering the moves she’s learned by adding maneuvers from separate techniques. It was fun especially since she got to choose what moves she was altering and what she added to them. She hadn’t really gotten to choose things for most of her life so this was a good change.

Ok so you probably don’t know what jieitaikakutōjutsu is and if you do that’s impressive.

Jieitaikakutōjutsu is a Japanese military self defense fighting style that uses knives, hand to hand, and bayonet fighting.

I found out about this when searching for knife fighting techniques in Japan because himiko was taught knife fighting in her past but has her own fighting style so I picked jieitaikakutōjutsu.

Jieitaikakutōjutsu is pronounced

jee-et-tai-ka-ku-to-jutsu

Which is hard to say but not as hard as

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis which is actually my favorite word

Now back to the story!

She’s been been creating her own fighting style for three months now and has gotten pretty good at incorporating different moves into preexisting ones, along with constantly adapting her fighting style mid fight to better defeat enemies. The doctor has also started having her research into different heroes fighting styles, specifically underground heroes since the doctor says she’ll be fighting them more often.

One hero she is especially interested in is Eraserhead who’s an underground hero with a quirk that can erase other quirks and uses a scarf as a support item.

Eraserhead is apparently the top underground hero so the doctor is having her practice using a scarf similar to his so she can counter his attacks.

Time skip to three months later.

The doctor is sending her on her first mission today and she has a plan. A plan to escape.

Yes this place has been okay as of late but she knows that there are better places she could be. Plus she doesn’t want to be fighting heroes, she in fact wants to be one and she can’t do that if she’s their enemy.

Her mission is to infiltrate the musutafu police station and download all the information they have onto a hard drive then bring it back to the doctor unnoticed. Her plan is instead to take the information then also steal some piece of police equipment and use it to take off her cuffs, after that she’ll destroy the usb stick and teleport outside before running away.

I’m gonna leave this here for now because this is already a fanfic at this point so I’ll do it chapter by chapter

Also I’m thinking about posting this on wattpad as an actual fanfic, should I?

If you want to learn more about jieitaikakutōjutsu Wikipedia has links to two different videos showing it along with talking about it. But really just searching jieitaikakutōjutsu will get you results

Have a nice day and I’ll post chapter two soon! I’ll also post a chapter index that lets you access each chapter easier! :)

Here’s the link for the chapter index!

[inkblackorchid]

Me going absolutely insane about Aki

I wanted to make this a nice, coherent post, screenshots and everything, because I feel like it deserves the effort, but in the end, my thoughts completely ran away from me and I guess now I'll just have to inflict whatever stream-of-consciousness mess I can come up with onto people now.

So remember how I talked about the first duel between Aki and Yusei and how it does so much and drives me absolutely insane? Well, that turned into many more thoughts and now I'm basically obsessed with the way Aki and her relationship to pain and destruction are defined at the start through the first third of the show. So I wanna talk about that. Also, warning: LONG post incoming.

We're introduced to this girl who destroys things with her unusual powers and for all we know at that point, she does it on purpose. Yusei doesn't know she can't control these powers at first, we as the audience don't know she can't control these powers at first, hell, Aki herself doesn't know that there's a way for her to learn to control these powers at first. She thinks she has one, she thinks Divine is teaching her, he even goes as far as saying "Only I can stop the rage nesting inside you" (which we're meant to understand as synonymous with her powers because that's how Aki understands it). But the thing is, with hindsight, we know he's lying through his teeth—he's not trying to teach her to control anything. In fact, he wants her to be as destructive as possible. We see this in the way he grows displeased when there's a "shift" in Aki's emotions after Yusei confronts her in the Fortune Cup, causing her powers to weaken because he can't maintain the "vengeful energy" which he links to the strength of her powers.

And I think there's one important thing to take away from that: Aki doesn't want her powers to be destructive. She's trusting Divine to "stop the rage nesting inside her"—she wants the destruction to stop and hopes he can show her how to accomplish that.

However.

At the same time, in the early episodes of Aki's debut, we're also shown that she acts at best indifferent, and at worst delighted at the destruction she causes. She mocks Gil Randsbourg's knightly antics and steals his monster with glee, she beats down the duel profiler to the point of requiring the on-site paramedics, and nowhere is it more explicit than during her first duel with Yusei, where he tells her to her face that she enjoys the destruction she causes while she keeps hurting him. And the thing is, he's not wrong—but he's not entirely right, either.

Rejected by her parents, ostracised by her classmates, and feared by street duellists as the Black Rose witch, Aki feels as isolated, lonely, and wronged as she possibly can, of course. Moreover, Divine gleefully feeds right back into that, what with his whole "only I can help you, only I can accept you, society sees us psychic duellists as threats"-shtick. Because he doesn't actually want to help her, to improve her mental health, or teach her to accept herself. He wants her to stay angry and vengeful because he needs that wrath to feed her powers. That aside—it's not like Aki is wrong to feel that way, honestly. Her parents have wronged her, her classmates have pushed her away, society has failed her. Her anger is justified; the problem is that it's deeply self-destructive, in the long run, which we see precisely in that enjoyment of destruction. She's tearing up her environment, she's hurting people, and she's trying to find petty satisfaction, even joy in it because these people deserve it, they hurt her first, they're the reason she's this angry and alone and hopeless.

But this is where it gets really interesting for me. Because Aki enjoys the destruction... but she also doesn't. For one, we see her express doubts when Divine speaks to her right before the match against Kinomiya/the duel profiler/Commander Koda. They meet in one of the stadium's corridors and Aki is holding the Black Rose Witch mask (which is another thing I need to talk about), and we get this exchange:

That doesn't sound like the response of someone gleefully revelling in the pain she causes, does it? But this goes even deeper, which we see during her duel against Yusei in the Fortune Cup.

So I already said that Yusei's neither completely right nor wrong to say Aki enjoys destruction, but what I wanna look at now is Aki's reaction to him saying it. Her immediate, emotional, no-front, no-pretences reaction.

I guess you could argue that this is her trying to say the socially acceptable thing before she later changes her tune, but you know what? I think it isn't. I think this is actually the truth. Aki tells Yusei to quit the nonsense because what he's saying isn't true, and she doesn't want it to be true.

However, as I mentioned, she does change her tune, later, when Yusei keeps insisting.

She does a complete one-eighty and admits that frightening and hurting people as the Black Rose Witch is fun. And bear with me here, but—I don't think this is a lie, either. Remember, Aki feels no small amount of very justified anger towards all the people who hurt her and pushed her away. So she does enjoy the fear and pain she's causing, to an extent, but at the same time, this isn't who she wants to be (which Yusei correctly identifies when he questions whether Aki herself really takes as much pleasure in causing pain as she pretends to, because this guy is actually better at quickly getting a measure of people's character than the show sometimes gives him credit for, I feel).

So how do these two things, both wanting to cause pain because Aki herself is in pain, and being afraid of hurting others, coexist, then? The key is the Black Rose Witch—and now I get to talk about the mask.

First, we get some interesting insight about the mask by Divine. In the same conversation where Aki expresses concern about hurting people again, Divine takes the mask from her hands and tells her that "she'd part with it once she realises her pride and mission":

More on the "pride and mission" thing a little later, because first, I feel the need to point out something: Aki repeatedly looks distressed when the mask is in reach but she's not allowed to wear it. Why?

Because of this. The Black Rose Witch is not Aki herself, the Black Rose Witch is something Aki created to handle the guilt of constantly hurting others with her powers. The Black Rose Witch is essentially a maladaptive coping mechanism to seperate the part that enjoys hurting others from herself, to pretend it's someone else. And Divine wants her to get rid of this part, because of course he does. He doesn't want Aki to be separate from her impulses for destruction, he wants her to embrace them and revel in them, mask or no mask. Speaking of which, remember her "pride and mission"? With everything we learn about Divine during the show, I don't think it'd be a stretch to say that the "pride and mission" he refers to here is precisely this. He wants her to be proud of her destruction, to accept it as her mission to be an obedient little destroyer for him.

But you know what really gets me?

She can't. She can't do it. She can't let go of the Black Rose Witch, she can't become that person full of hatred and a desire to destroy everything that Divine wants her to be. Because she doesn't want to be. It's the whole reason why the Black Rose Witch exists! Because no matter her anger, no matter how much the world has rejected her, fundamentally, Aki doesn't want to be a person who hurts others and who is indifferent to their pain! And this is brought up repeatedly, during the Fortune Cup and after.

Not to speak of the way she reacts to Misty telling her that she supposedly killed Toby for the first time!

That's not the expression of someone who couldn't care less about the destruction they cause! She even goes as far as insisting there were no young boys at the duel field where Toby was found, hinting at the fact that she was paying attention to that, that she made sure that no matter what destruction she might cause otherwise, no children would be harmed!

Aki has such a deep-seated, repressed desire for kindness and human connection that it pains me to watch her. And it's yet another reason why she clings to Divine like a lifeline, because she thinks he's genuinely the only person in the entire world who's willing to offer her that.

And you know what's extremely ironic? The moment Divine is suddenly ripped away from Aki (and good riddance), he almost gets what he wants.

In that one, anguished, recently traumatised moment, faced with the two people who started her whole cycle of rejection and self-hatred, Aki is completely ready to become the monster everyone called her and that Divine wanted after all. It only took taking everything she thought she had left away from her.

And what finally snaps her out of it?

Granted, Yusei has already laid some groundwork towards changing her mind here (and we love him for it), but here, where not one, but two people are completely ready to face up to her terrifying powers, approach her, and accept her anyway, while ADMITTING that they can't help her/are afraid of her/failed her (and I am convinced that this gesture means even more precisely because Yusei and Aki's dad both aren't psychics), she reaches out and...

Upon having her pain acknowledged, upon seeing that people are willing to reach out to her and offer her that kindness and human connection she's been craving for an eternity after all, even though her powers are still there and could still hurt them, she can finally let go of the impulse to hurt the people who have hurt her for long enough to control her powers by herself and choose not to hurt one of the two people she arguably has the most reason to be angry at. And I know some people hate that she forgave her dad because he didn't deserve it—and I get it. I do. Hideo Izayoi has so much to make up for, it's unlikely he'll ever accomplish it in his lifetime. But he tries, and the much more important thing is that Aki accepts that he's willing to try. Because, and I can't stress this enough, this is about her. It's not about her father, and it's not about Yusei. It's about her. All Yusei does in both duels with her is drop some insights at her feet and extend his hand halfway—hell, he even admits he can't save her! But Aki can, and she chooses to. She chooses to accept her father's apology and try being with her family again, she chooses to accept Yusei's friendship and help save the world (because he specifically requests her help, to boot), and she chooses to let go of her anger and her hatred. Because it's what she wants, and it's who she is, beneath the facade of the Black Rose Witch. And even though I can 100% understand people who think she should have ditched her parents, I think Aki's whole progression up to this point is a beautiful representation of forgiveness—because in the end, that forgiveness is not for her father. It's for her. It's so she can start healing from all the hurt inside herself, and I think she deserves that.

I honestly don't remember whether I originally had another point I wanted to get to, but yeah. In conclusion, season one and two Aki is a fantastically written character and I love her to death.