#but I’m also avoiding anything remotely important

[thesilmarillionblog]

𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Part: 8

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: heavy angst, hurt , language, PTSD, mention of drugs, mention of torture

Word Count: 4674

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

You asked Ben again, “What did you do to those people?” while he continued to look at your furious and angered look.

He avoided watching the news and simply replied in a dry voice, “I didn't mean to hurt them. Everything happened so quickly.”

Despite your hopes that, after all this time, he would change a little, you came to the conclusion that his appearance was the only thing that had changed. He was the same guy who hurt everyone around him like they were just insects, never thinking twice about it. He remained the same merciless man who just cared about himself.

You were too ignorant to believe that it was Crimson Countess had drastically changed him, but this was simply another lie you told yourself in defense of Ben's behavior. It was just who he really was.

You talked softly while Butcher continued to watch TV, “How can you even stay the same after all the things that happened to you?”

“I killed the doctor who hurt and tortured you. You already knew; whatever I did for him, he deserved it,” he angrily said, gesturing to you as though he were doing you a favor and somehow trying to convince you.

“Should I feel like a graduate and thank you?” You questioned him bitterly, glaring at him. “You are the reason I spent decades being imprisoned and subjected to torture in vain. You are the reason I am currently homeless and the state's number two foe. How come you're still so blind and self-centered?”

Ben grumbled, “Calm down, baby,” ignoring your inquiries as he roughly grabbed the remote control out of Butcher's hand and flicked through the channels. “We can talk about things at a later time. For now, take a moment to rest.”

Ben continued to stare at the TV and shifted on the couch in an attempt to make himself more comfortable, so you replied, “Don't call me 'baby.'”

“It looks like Tony Montana is going to bed alone tonight.” With a cunning grin, Butcher attempted to reclaim the remote control from Ben's grasp. “Also, don’t be dramatic and so upset, you have a place to stay, you’re not homeless.”

“Tony Montana—who the fuck is he?” Ben muttered, pushing Butcher's hands a little too hard while refusing to give up the remote control. “I’m in charge in here. What I watch, you'll watch too.”

“Hey, you remember our deal, don't you? I'm hoping you won't back down.”

You turned to Butcher and questioned, “What deal?” with a confused gaze on your face when he suddenly started speaking in a serious and mysterious tone.

Ben stepped in immediately and shot Butcher a quick glance, saying, “It's not so important.”

“All right, there's nothing to worry about. Your teammate just promised me that he would help me kill a cunt named Homelander.”

Ben kept shooting Butcher with a deadly look as he immediately spilled the beans.

“I'm not worried about anything,” you cut Butcher off abruptly, averting Ben's tough stare. “Whatever he's up to, he's alone in this. But tell me, what’s deal about.”

“Sweetheart, I don't need your help anyway. You simply stay at home and take care of things while you chill,” Ben said in an amused way, attempting to hide his tiny sense of hurt that came from your coldness.

He didn't intend to include anything that would distress you further, but he couldn't stop remembering the times you supported and fought alongside him. He would never ask you to get involved in the Homelander situation, though, since he knows you've already been through a lot of terrible things. He was also too proud to accept your assistance.

Turning to face you, Butcher added, “You don’t have to be so ruthless. He made the deal to get help from me to save you.”

Butcher believed that, given Homelander's strength, helping him would be beneficial and that it would be great if you would just soften and offer a helping hand. Butcher knew Soldier Boy would be happy to let you fight alongside him, as he was aware that he took your suit from Legend. You were once the strongest superwoman, after all, and he would have a better chance of finally killing Homelander.

Hughie, thankfully, returned to join you with a meal in his hands before you could ask Butcher any more questions. You were so hungry that you didn't even realize it until you smelled pizza. It was all about pleasure, yet even if you starved for decades, you wouldn't die.

Hughie smiled hesitantly and said, “Sorry, I didn't ask you before ordering, but I hope you're okay with pizza.” It's likely that he was the only decent person in the room. You wondered why this person was willing to work with a man like Butcher. He gave off an air of deception.

“Of course it's okay,” you said as soon as you smelled it. You then gave him a graditude look and said, “Thanks a lot.”

Ben quickly got up, tossed the remote control in Butcher's face, and grabbed the pizza from Hughie's hands as he sat next to you before you could move. Ben stepped closer, spreading his legs a little and making contact with your thighs, but you put some distance between you two right away. You didn’t understand why he was acting like that out of the blue, but you didn’t ask anything.

None of you spoke, even though you felt Ben's gaze briefly lingering on you. Although you were unsure of what Ben truly wanted from you, you were determined to learn from your past mistakes. Therefore, it was best to clarify it for him as well.

Upon seeing Noir's visual on TV, you exclaimed in shock, “Is Noir still working for Vought?”

That was the moment you understood. Earving never came to save you. If he just wanted to, you knew he could and would find you. You could understand why he might not have wanted to take the risk of going through the same things with you if he had a legitimate reason for not saving you. You had no right to be selfish. However, you were certain that you would behave differently if he were in your place. You therefore couldn't help but feel a little let down.

Ben angrily remarked, “Of course he does,” as he watched you devour the pizza. “He wouldn't even take his shit without the permission of Vought. Fucking traitor. He didn't even give a fuck about the things you went through all those years. I had no doubts that he was going to abuse your friendship. There was always something sneaky about him.”

You couldn’t left out a small hiss as Ben started to talk about loyalty.

“All right,” you replied, casting him a piercing glance. “I got used to being betrayed.”

He aggressively exclaimed, “Don't compare me with that son of a bitch,” and launched into a self-defense tirade. “I came to save you too as soon as I was free, and I looked for you everywhere.”

“How could I ever compare you with him while I know you are worse. And yes, Ben, you're quite considerate to have searched me in the Countess' home. Many thanks for it.”

“I payed a visit to her because I knew she was most probably the one tricked you. It was nothing else.”

“Whatever,” you said back harshly. “I don’t care anyways.”

Butcher interrupted you after making a brief phone call in the kitchen, saying, “Listen here, Bonnie and Clyde. Hughie and I need to get out and meet some buddies, but if you're not going to make trouble and if you don't want to fuck in peace all night, it's best if you don't stay at home. In every other case of emergency, you need to join us.”

You hurriedly swallowed the large slice of pizza and gasped, “We won't... I mean, we wouldn't,” to Butcher. Your cheeks flushed. “It's not like we're together or anything, so don't misinterpret and talk like this, please.”

Ben leaned back to the coach and said, “Well, I'm all in, baby,” pleased to see you flushed and in a panic. “Keep in mind that. Since I'm free, I didn't even fucking jerk off once. You can use me however you like,” he stated, stretching his legs and making an attempt to brush against you briefly while grinning genuinely and invitingly.

You grumbled, “I'm trying to enjoy my meal here,” ignoring the absolute filth that was flowing from his mouth.

“All right, that's OK.” Butcher urged you to complete your dinner, saying, “You can continue eating where we go. We must leave in five minutes.”

Ben growled, “Don't fucking order her around.”

“It's fine,” you stopped eating right away. “Where we're going to go?”

“We have to get some Temp-V from Hughie's friend. It appears that we will need to use it soon,” Butcher replied, glancing at Ben. “Unfortunately, you can't beat Homeland with just one guy.”

Ben did not even respond to Butcher's crap; he only rolled his eyes. He was aware that Homelander would be the easiest to take down. He was Soldier Boy, and someone of Butcher's age wouldn't fully get who he was.

You and Ben were seated in the back of Butcher's car, and Ben was covering the whole place almost as if he wanted you to lean into his body. He was always on the move, both his hands and his legs, and occasionally you would think he looked a bit bashful if you didn't know just how arrogant he really was. Somehow, you sensed the uncertainty, but you didn't look him up or ask him questions.

You couldn't help but feel confused and depressed as you gazed out of the car window at the enormous, gleaming structures. You no longer felt like you belonged in the world because so many years had passed in a tiny little cage. It seemed as though no one knew you, cared about you, or you had no place to stay. It's not your world, but rather other people's, that you see when you peek out the window.

You said, “Everything looks so different,” as a sense of melancholy took over you.

“Not at all,” Ben remarked in an arrogant tone, as if he had figured out everything in a single day. “I've learned many things; I will teach you all; don't worry.”

You challenged him, casting him a skeptical glance. “What do you know?”

“Well, I might teach you a thing or two because you're too eager to learn. For instance, GPS and the Internet were quite helpful in helping us learn about you and the place you were kept,” he added with pride as he smiled at you and waited for your reaction.

You whispered, “You're just making those words up,” unsure if he was trying to trick you.

“Those words are real words. I had said the same to that fuckface; believe me, sweetheart,” he continued, giving Hughie a harsh shoulder pat. “Hand over your damn android phone to me.”

Hughie murmured in distress, “Oh, God,” as Butcher nodded awkwardly and gave him an odd look. “Just don’t break it or something, please.”

Hughie handed his phone reluctantly to Ben, who took it with a swift move, and Ben used it like a pro, tapping the screen quickly. When he wrote down his name and yours on the screen called 'Google', your eyes widened open as you saw a ton of images and details about the two of you, Payback, and everything else.

Captivated by what Ben showed you, you muttered, “Everything about us is written down there.”

“See,” he declared with pride, chuckling at your bewildered response. “I told you I was very well-informed. The name of this one is Internet.”

You challenged him again, interested in learning more about this small device, which seemed to know a lot of things. The modern world is unquestionably something else, with easy access to knowledge at any time and about any subject matter.

“I am familiar with social media. If you don't want to be identified by your real identity, you can put up a fake profile and follow anybody you want. I made one for the two of us as well.” Ben responded, seeming proud of everything he had achieved with a cunning smile on his face.

You pretended to understand everything he said as you asked, “And what's your fake name?”

“It’s ‘soldierboyy/n69.' Pretty creative, isn't it?”

“Oh my gosh, Ben,” you said, pushing the phone and his hands in an annoyed tone as your face turned red. “Everyone will know that it is you. I shall be accused of having once again supported your actions if they find out the identity of your account. Why do you act so carelessly?”

“Everyone has those fake names,” Ben said, grimacing at how much you disapproved of what he had done. Nobody will find out because I'm not using it anyway."

He intended to show you that he never thought of himself apart from you and that he thought of you even while he was setting up the account, but all he managed was to distress and upset you once more. Observing your defensively crossed arms on your chest, he sighed and moved his strong arms to your seat in an attempt to get close to you.

“How are you so sure?” you asked as he handed over the phone to Hughie in a rude manner.

“Because that's the way the modern world works, sweetheart. Nothing and anyone are real when it comes to Internet.”

“Indeed,” Butcher said, glancing at the two of you through the mirror. “He is right; no one will find out. It's not really a big deal; trust me, if it were, I would have problems as well because of him.”

You cut it short, closing your eyes and lowering your head to the seat. “Okay,” you mumbled.

It was as though some odd numbness overcame your body, leaving you exhausted and unbalanced even after decades of sleep. It was most likely due to the quantity of sleep that your body became accustomed to, and it's also possible that you were experiencing a side effect from what you experienced in the lab. Nonetheless, it didn't concern you because you knew you still had your strength. You only needed to get a bit more rest. As you closed your eyes to give your body a break until you got there, you inhaled deeply.

You slowly opened your eyes, feeling Ben's gentle touch on your cheek, and heard him say, “You really turned into sleeping beauty, didn't you?” in a lighthearted manner.

“Have we arrived?” you muttered as you opened your eyes and noticed his intense gaze on you. The moment Butcher and Hughie slammed the car door, you immediately fully came to your senses.

Ben nodded, confused, not knowing how to react to your coldness as you gently moved his hands away from your face.

Ben and you had just followed Butcher and Hughie to the small, slightly desolate house. You looked around the room, and the other two women, who were glancing at you warily, exchanged glances. You could tell they were supes, just like you, from the whiff of Comp-V in their scents. You were a little nervous because you had no idea what their intentions were toward you. You had no friends or someone to rely on anymore, and you were a stranger to everything after all.

“Ladies, how are you doing here?” Butcher grabbed a glass of whiskey from the kitchen and inquired as he sat down right away on the closest couch.

“I can't believe you and you especially you Hughie,” the blonde remarked angrily. “You two really set them both free, and you forced me to take so much Temp-V; we're going to be caught. It's only a matter of time.”

“So you're the supe woman that bottom-faced guy pounding?” Ben aggressively exclaimed, pushing the short-haired man to the right while he snatched a cola from the refrigerator. “And the one who works for Vought when you're not getting off and doing other things.”

“Stop it, Ben,” you said in a warned tone as his abrupt aggression caused the air to thicken.

“Why don't we just sit down and have a nice chat?” Hughie looked at you anxiously, as if you wanted to soothe Ben before anything happened.

“Relax, sweetheart,” he said, flashing you a cunning grin when he spotted you approaching him, and you gave him a cold look while he sipped his coke in joy.

“Well, Annie, that it wasn't in vain. Soldier Boy and I struck very useful bargain, didn't we?” Butcher inquired, glancing back to Ben with a sly smile. “We're going to kill Homelander together.”

You felt uneasy, and your thoughts turned to the Homelander once again. Even if you didn't care about Ben at all, you couldn't help but feel concerned because you were both strangers to Vought and the outside world now that Ben had gotten into so much trouble. Not only did you not want to return to the lab, but you also didn't want Ben to go through the same painful experiences. Even though he had been vile to you, you didn't want him to suffer forever in Russia.

Annie replied, “You should have told me, Hughie,” casting a disappointed glare at her boyfriend. “You’re so acting strangely these days.”

Hughie insecurely responded, “I know, I know,” rubbing her cheeks. “And I’m really sorry for it. It won’t happen again.”

The man with short hair said, “You all know that they both are being searched by the government, right?”

Butcher shot back, “Of course we all fucking know that, Frenchie.”

Annie looked at you and said, “Well, I guess Y/N's situation is worse,” while you stood by Ben, watching him carefully to make sure he didn't suddenly lose his temper and start some serious drama. “Well, she's a known traitor after all.”

You immediately defended yourself by saying, “I'm not a traitor,” and you were enraged at her haughty demeanor. Despite her lack of knowledge, she was constantly talking about things she had no idea about. “Vought only spread lies and caused us pain in order to build up the next generation, which is your generation. They tortured me for years just because I wanted to quit.”

Annie's expression softened as she realized that Vought would do something like that and that she was having trouble as well in Seven. She then apologized to you by looking at you and sincerely saying, “I'm sorry to hear that.”

She went on, making an effort to get you to see how complicated the situation was, saying, “But you need to understand that no one will believe you. For all this time, you have been regarded as a spy for the entire world. The same remains for Soldier Boy.”

“What is your point?” Ben cut her off with a harsh voice.

Ben was becoming mad at those morons; they were just some stupid kids who liked to order other kids around, but he was a man, a true leader, the strongest supe to live, and they had no idea what him and you had been through or who had been in charge decades earlier. He was already becoming a little tense about that blonde's cunning ideas, so he realized he had to proceed with caution going forward. He had to watch out for you too, in order to keep you safe.

With defensive hands on her hips, Annie retorted, “The thing is, it's best if you don't see each other for a while. I can help you spend a week in various secure locations, separated.”

Ben abruptly tensed up, enraged that the blonde had already made plans in her cunning mind to keep him away from you. “No fucking way,” he said. He was certain that those fucked-brains would propose something so incredibly moronic.

Even if it made sense, you realized those new guys weren't to be trusted as they were strangers. It was true that you needed some alone time apart from Ben, but for the time being, it was preferable to ignore what you’re told.

“Everyone is talking about what happened in New York and Ohio,” Annie said furiously. “I’m just asking you two be hidden for a week. Everything’s already complicated in Vought and I have my own problems.”

“Look, sneaky woman,” Ben hissed, “I don’t give fuck about your problems or anything at all. If you ever suggest such thing, you won’t have a head to think such idiotic things anymore. I’m warning you.”

“Ben, you need to calm down,” you said. You scowled at the feeling that his chest was unusually heated compared to normal. 

Frenchie agreed, saying, “Y/N is right; there is no need to fight each other.” The supe woman next to him smiled and patted his shoulders.

Butcher responded, “Annie is right too, though,” as he examined the Temp-V carefully on his lap. “Too much attention has been paid to Soldier Boy during the past three days. We are also doomed if he is seen soon enough.”

“They could be right,” you acknowledged, nodding to Butcher, understanding that his points were reasonable. Since you and Ben were currently the state's number one and two foes, you also didn't want to get into any sort of trouble.

Ben cursed, “Fuck that,” and he gave Butcher a menacing stare. He got offended at the fact that you instantly agreed with them but not with him. “I didn't realize I had done business with so many jerks. If you're that afraid of what's ahead, I might accept your suggestion, but Y/N is staying with me.”

“Calm down, buddy. Why are you so obsessed?” Butcher questioned, putting the bag down from his lap.

When you realized Ben was about to start an argument without reason, you asked him, “Why are you being like this?” in an irritated tone.

“Are you saying that you're prepared to follow those fuckfaces' instructions?” While you could tell he was angry, he inquired quietly, “What's wrong with you?”

Ben set down the coke and paid no attention to Butcher's irritating remarks. Instead, his attention was drawn to you. The fact that you didn't trust him but did trust the new people you had met most disturbed him. It was not them who saved you, but it was him who considered your safety and future. Still, you were ready to follow what they had to say. You'd been away from each other for a long time, so there was no reason to spend another minute separately.

“I'm not saying anything, Ben. I just want you to quit being irrationally dissatisfied and to be reasonable.”

Butcher sighed as he watched you start to debate, but Annie grasped Hughie's arm and guided him to another room to have a conversation.

Ben stated, “I'm not getting angry for no reason,” while attempting to stay controlled.

Despite Ben was desperate to touch you, he restrained himself since he knew that you two needed to have discussed the situation before acting on it. How in the world was he supposed to talk to you properly after a week apart? “I'm just saying, we don't have to spend a week alone and separated,” Ben said with a low voice.

Your eyes wandered around everywhere except for him.

“I'm not sure, Ben,” you teased him, feeling hesitant about his response. “Maybe we should.”

“How can you be sure that those people won't imprison you to a metal box once more? Do you really want to go back to that lab? You're saying you have faith in them, but not in me?”

You angrily gasped, “Don't you ever talk to me about trust. I would never make the same mistake by trusting you again.”

He tried to calm himself down, saying, “I'm the only one who saved you,” but the heat inside his chest kept growing.

“Will you stop arguing?” Butcher got up and asked, watching Ben trap you against the kitchen table while grinning at Ben and sipping his whiskey. “She obviously wants to be by herself for a while. Would you please just accept her decision and let her to enjoy herself?”

Ben angrily remarked, “Mind your fucking own business; we are fucking having a conversation here.”

You stopped disputing with him and cast a puzzled glance at his chest as soon as you felt the warmth in his chest increasing once more.

Butcher said, “It's like you're forcing her for something she doesn't want to though. Don't be such a drama queen,” ignoring Frenchie's warnings. “She might just want to spend time alone in a nice place and fuck with some hot dudes, savor the time she missed all those years.”

Ben snarled, turning to face Butcher and ignoring you this time. “Watch your fucking language," he growled. “If you say one more word, I fucking swear I'll rip your heads off.”

Ben's chest began to glow suddenly before he could finish his sentence, and your eyes widened, sensing the anxiety and the heat coming from his body.

“Ben,” you whispered quietly, uneasy with his rage and the anguish on his face, as if he tried to maintain self-control.

With an expression of fright on his face, Frenchie and the supe woman next to him also retreated a step. “Calm down, buddy,” Butcher muttered. “Let's not cause another accident. You've already done enough damage, huh. ”

But Ben's chest continued to glow, alerting you. “Hey, what's wrong with you?” you asked as you walked up to him, stroking his arms and then his face and making him to look at you.

He snarled, “I can't hold it,” and shoved your hands away right away. “Stay away from me.”

Instead of following commands, you remained in the same spot and continued to massage his upper arms in an effort to soothe him though you got extremely anxious. Then, in the hopes of calming him down a little, you put your hands on his burning, hot chest. Even if there was smoke slightly arising from his body, your hands felt chilly.

You whispered, “It's okay,” feeling his temperature drop beneath your fingertips gradually.

Next Chapter

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A/N: Comments and reblogs are very appreciated! -`♡´-

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Let me know if you want to be tagged for this series. -`♡´-

[beneathashadytree]

Hi guys!! Kind of a long post here, but it’s actually pretty important, so give it a read if you’re a writer and you’ve got the time!

Please be careful when tagging your fics/posts. I know many people are new to Tumblr/fandom around here, but Tumblr’s tagging system is not the same as Instagram or AO3. You can’t filter posts to show only certain things while simultaneously avoiding other tags. So using the tags that are only relevant keeps things all tidy on this website, and makes it easier to navigate.

Also, cross-tagging clutters the tags. Sometimes I’m only feeling like reading a Zayne fic, but his tag is full of Sylus fics because people incorrectly tag their works. I know we all want more people to read our works, so cross-tagging is a sure-fire way to get more people to see it, but trust me it’s only harmful to the community/fandom because it causes readers to be unable to find the stuff they’re actually looking for amidst all the clutter☹️

Another thing: please, for the love of everything good, tag your smut fics as smut fics only and not fluff. I myself am on the ace spectrum, and my relationship with sex (even when written!) fluctuates daily. Sometimes I’m completely sex-averse and reading anything remotely sexual icks me out, and sometimes I’m perfectly okay with writing and consuming sexual content. That means that I can’t just block out the smut tag since I do occasionally seek it out, so instead I’d normally avoid searching it up until I want to read it. But now, I end up searching the fluff tags and find straight up porn lying there, which I’m definitely not in the mood for. It’s jarring, to say the least.

And for the people who do want to read smut specifically, tagging your fics as smut only makes it much easier for them to find your work!! This way, you’ll curate your audience and make their reading experience go more smoothly. You avoid attracting people who don’t want to read smut, and you bring in the people who want more of it!! It’s a win-win situation🙏🏽

One last thing: please clarify if the seemingly-innocent thing you’re writing about is a kink. Whether it’s in the warnings prefacing your fic, or in the tags, I’d much rather not be jumpscared mid-reading by things turning sexual when they weren’t remotely so at the start. I’ll be reading a cute little fic about tickling or something, then I’ll find out that this writer has a tickling kink😭 Enjoy whatever you like bestie, just make sure to correctly tag that/add warnings so that others don’t unknowingly consume content that they’re actually not into.

[callme-aprilroseisha04]

I so badly wanna know what's going on with Sonic in your Voices AU!!! (This is an invitation for you to info dump if you so desire)

OK so originally I had this MONSTER essay on what this was about but im really really bad at explaining things and I don’t want to leave you hanging forever so instead I’ll just give you a basic rundown of the concept and all the plot points. Also, important thing to mention, I HAVEN’T FINISHED SEASON 2 YET. Y’know, where the majority of my AU takes place. Haven’t finished that. Haven’t even seen Chaos Metal Sonic. Sorry, sorry, I know, I’m a fake fan but in my defense every time I turn on the show I want to bang my head against a wall, tear all my skin of, and run in circles at the speed of light (in a good way) (but also in a bad way) (a good bad way). Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I need to quickly explain the concept behind this. In the first episode of Season 2, Avoid the Void, Sonic doesn’t realize that he can run out of the Ghost World. He’s stuck there. This also means that he can’t save shadow from falling into the void (this is why shadow doesn’t have his arm or his leg in my au illustrations, he wakes up before he can be fully disintegrated, but he did lose some limbs.) Back to Sonic, since he has nothing better to do, he tries to take a nap at the beach where his friends are at and starts “taking” to Tail’s projection. Then, the voice comes. I don’t really know how to describe this. There is a voice, like the name says, but it’s also a lot more complicated than that. When “it” comes, Sonic can’t hear anything; or, well actually he can hear things (sometimes the noise feels oppressively loud) but he doesn’t know what people are saying, so to him it just sounds like gibberish. Also, this isn’t always true, (it just depends) but his eyes won’t focus properly and they get really blurry, like can’t see what’s in-front of you blurry. Also, headaches! Because apparently we needed to make this even worse for him for some reason!!!!! It’s not at its worst here, but as you can expect, he is pretty disoriented after it’s done. Shadow comes back to the ghost world, Sonic is understandably surprised by HIS LACK OF TWO LIMBS, he gets the tech and bounces, yadayadayada, all the stuff. More importantly, now we get Nine back! Chapter two; Sonic goes to Boscage Maze, they’re ripping the place up, Sonic goes to help Thorn, mini “voice” episode (as an appetizer), he gets a tech upgrade from Nine, he goes to fight, gets the main course “voice” episode, Nine gets in trouble cause emo tween egg boy caught him talking to Sonic trying to figure out what’s wrong with him and why he’s talking to himself, Sonic gets the shard from Thorn, he runs of with it, emo eggboy sends a message that they’re gonna kill Nine unless Sonic gives them the shard, Nine tells him not to, he goes anyway and THROWS THE SHARD INTO THE OTHER SHARDS THE EGGMEN HAD COLLECTED SO HE CAN SAVE NINE, (he tries to get the shards back but they got swarmed by robots) and finally they get out and go to the ghost world. Shadow is really, REALLY mad at him for trading a SHARD just to save his little kit boy and ALSO mad because Sonic wants to keep Nine there, to keep him safe. Eventually, Shadow gives in after Nine mentions that he could build Shadow a prosthetic, but he adds the clause that the moment Nine finishes the prosthetic, he leaves. After that, Sonic goes to get the rest of the shards back while Nine makes Shadow’s prosthetic at Tail’s workshop. For the next few chapters, Sonic get into some sort of a routine; Try to get the shards, come back to the ghost world to rest, squabble with Shadow, chat with Nine for a little, and repeat. Some important things to mention from this period are: 

Nine is intentionally taking his time making Shadows prosthetic (Sonic’s idea) as well as making it break really easily & adding a secret “feature” that allows him to $&@!?ING electrocute him from afar using a remote implanted in his mechanical tails (both and especially the last one NOT Sonic’s idea); 

Sonic doesn’t actually sleep during this time, he just takes 3 hour naps so he can get back home quicker, which only worsens the voice thing; 

Shadow, (who doesn’t understand anything about what’s going on with Sonic other than the vague sense that something’s wrong with him, unlike Nine who got a basic lil explanation from Sonic after asking wtf happened at boscage maze) is getting increasingly frustrated with Sonic because of how long it’s taking for him to get all the shards, as well as his continual trusting of Nine.

This continues for a while, those “episodes” get worse and worse, Sonic grows closer to Nine and tension keeps building between Sonic & Shadow until <drumroll………>

THE EGG COUNCIL COMES!!!!! Again, since I still haven’t seen season two of Sonic Prime, I don’t really know how this is gonna happen, but I do know it’s gonna happen. (btw Nine finishes Shadow’s prosthetic & leaves like a day before the egg council comes.) This is a massive battle and I have like a whole thing on how it’s gonna play out but the important things to note for the story are: Shadow finally sees Sonic’s “episodes” play out in front of him and he is understandably confused and concerned, but their in a battle right now so he can’t really do anything about it and <another drum roll please…..>

SONIC TRIES TO CHOP OFF HIS F$!?KING ARM! Ok, I definitely need to explain this a little more. During the first occurrence of the “voice,” it mentions something about them and Sonic being the same person, & basically says “I am a part of you, Sonic. The only way to get rid of me is to get rid of you.”  Edgy stuff like that, y’know? Well, during this one, it repeats that phrase again and in true Sonic fashion, he decides to do something incredibly stupid, risky, and drastic based on even dumberreasoning. You see, the voice said it was a part of him, not all of him. It also said that in order to get the voice out, he’d have to “get rid” of himself too. So, using this logic, if he only gets rid of a part of him, then he gets to keep living without the voice constantly haunting his every move! This is admittedly pretty silly logic, but he was in the middle of what is essentially a scaled up panic attack, so cut him some slack, OK? He tried to use a piece of scrap metal that fell off the robot to remove it, which unsurprisingly doesn’t work very well. It only ends up cutting halfway, but Sonic can’t really tell that it’s still attached since he’s so tired, & “it” did shut up after he stabbed his arm open soooooooo¯\_(ツ)_/¯. He manages to drive the egg council off to their own dimension before passing out from blood loss, leaving Shadow to rush him to Tail’s workshop so he can get bandaged up, made harder with Shadz’s new leg getting absolutely trashed. When Sonic finally wakes up, Shadow is confused, deeply concerned, and angry with him for almost killing himself for seemingly no reason. Sonic, however, is incredibly calm about the whole thing and nonchalantly explains why he cut off his arm during the battle, until he realizes his arm is still attached to him 

Here’s a comic page of the next scene:

He leaves to go get more shards and get Nine back to fix Shadows leg, which Shadow predictively grumbles about. This is a pretty light chapter, besides the ending:

Nine and Sonic are hanging out, having fun, the usual. Nine points out how cheery Sonic is right now, and Sonic starts to explain why he’s in such a good mood while Nine passes a small knife for him to hold while he does other things. Sonic, in the middle of his explanation, is cut off by…… “it” and proceeds to frantically rip off his bandages and try to cut the remainder of his arm off with the knife Nine gave him. Nine, who has no idea what’s going on, tries to wrangle back the knife from Sonic. In the struggle, Sonic ends up permanently scaring Nine on one of his eyes. It was an accident of course, but Nine bolts out of the workshop and zaps the door so Sonic can’t chase after him all the same. Sonic breaks down. 

After a bit, (about 30 minutes or so,) and after seeing and briefly meeting with Nine to ask where Sonic has been since he should be with him at the workshop; Nine responded with a suggestion to check for himself, Shadow decides to take Nine’s advice and go. Here’s the scene I wrote for this, as well as the comic I made (they have some dialogue differences, but the general idea is the same.)

“Sonic,”

He didn’t even look up. He was completely unfazed, almost expecting it.

“Sonic!”

Finally realizing who it was, he made a soft gasp, which, however small, was enough for Shadow to know he was listening.

“Do you know how big of a mess you’ve just made?”

They both stayed silent.

“Let me get this straight: That, … thing came back,”

The blue hedgehog sitting on the floor appeared perfectly still in the darkness of Tail’s old workshop.

“So you decided that it would be a good idea to try to cut your arm off again, even though it clearly didn’t work the first time, and I explicitly said not to, because we didn’t have the medical supplies to patch you up after,”

This time, he made a slight nod downwards.

“And when the fox tried to stop you, you hit him in his FUCKING eye? Is that all? Does it get any worse than that?”

The hedgehog didn’t respond. He was focused on something else.

“Are you even listening?”

Complete. Silence.

“Of course not. Of course you’re not listening. You never have, so why start now, huh?”

Shadow broke into a grin.

“You can’t listen to anyone, can you? Not your friends, not your allies, not even your own family! You’re Sonic the Hedgehog. The arrogant, narcissistic, naive, idiot hero who destroyed his own world because he couldn’t slow down. That’s all you are.”

Still nothing. He got angrier.

“I’m TIRED of your NONSENSE! I’m TIRED of you just sitting around having a PITY PARTY over something YOU CAUSED YOURSELF!”

Shadow grew quiet.

“I’m tired of your games, Sonic.”

A cold, hard, stare crossed the black and red hedgehog’s face.

“SO GET UP ALREADY!”

He forcefully pulled him off the ground, and for the first time during this whole conversation, Sonic spoke. He… screamed, a scream so loud you could hear it from a mile away. 

Shadow let go. 

Then, he slowly lowered his hand to his face, and …. No. The hedgehog gazed into the person standing before him, looking for something, anything, any semblance of the hedgehog he knew, but all that met him was an empty husk that he could barely even recognize.

“I-”

Sonic ran past him. He was gone. And Shadow didn’t know if he would ever come back.

“I’m sorry.”

———————————————————————

Sonic runs into the New Yoke rebel base and patches himself up. He’s able to get two shards from the egg council, but the rebel base is found in the process. There’s only one left, besides the Grim shard. Before Sonic leaves, Shadow tries to talk to him for a moment, but once he got a hold of him, he doesn’t know what to say. Does he apologize? Would that make things worse? Is he just supposed to wait it out and hope Sonic’s friends will help him? Sonic is still able to collect the shards, so they’re still getting back home, but what will happen after that? As much as Shadow hated to admit it, Sonic and his friends were just about the only force that could stop The Doctor from completing whatever world ending scheme he cooked up that week, other than himself. If he …. If something bad happened to Sonic after this, and he couldn’t get back up from it, and if he couldn’t pick up the slack, then….

He didn’t know what would happen. 

Shadow is barely able to get a word in before Sonic leaves to get the last shard. There’s nothing left to do.

Before we move on to the next plot point in the story, i want to talk about Nine for a second, since we haven’t really gotten the chance to explore him at all yet. A quick little thing I want to note is that Nine knows what the plan is in the AU. Get the shards, put them together, and save this world. He is planningto betray Sonic in this. At the same time, he’s also a lot closer to him. They hang out more, they chat more, and both of them feel the other is the only one on their side right now. Nine reasons that he can just convince Sonic to come with him, since they’re friends after all. He doesn’t really pay Shadow any mind, just thinking of him as an antagonistic coworker, not a real threat. The zapper he put in his leg was just a backup plan, incase he couldn’t fight him himself for one reason or another. Sonic and Nine were a team. They wouldn’t hurt each other. Until they did. Until Sonic did. After the incident, all of the trust between the two is gone. Nine doesn’t blame Sonic per say, he knows that Sonic was just desperate for it to stop, but he’s still angry. He’s angry at himself for trusting him. For trusting that he wouldn’t get hurt. From this point onwards, neither of them try to talk to each other. Nines plan only changes slightly.  He won’t try to convince Sonic to come with him. He won’t make that mistake again. 

Sonic’s feelings are a bit more complicated than Nine’s. He wants to fix everything, but he can’t. He wants everything to go back to normal, but too much has happened for that to even be a possibility. He wants everything to just stop for a minute, to just let him rest, but no matter what, it won’t. He just has to keep going. He just has to keep moving forwards. 

Sonic gets the last shard (Sonic and Shadow have to fight off the egg council again; it’s pretty awkward), and Nine finally puts his plan into motion. Using a machine he built while Sonic wasn’t around, he creates a portal to the Grim, his new home. Sonic begs Nine not to do this, that they’re friends, but that only makes Nine angrier. If they were friends, then Sonic would want to help him, if they were friends, then Sonic would’ve listened to him, and if they were actually, really friends then Sonic WOULDN’TV’E DONE THIS TO HIM.

Shadow had been outside the whole time listening to this, and he has heard enough of Nine’s ramblings. He lunged straight at Nine, but just as he’s about to reach him…. ZAP.  They both stare down at Shadow’s limp, burned body. Sonic’s head started spinning rapidly. He couldn’t tell who was in front of him, he couldn’t tell what was going on, he couldn’t tell where he was or who he was or why he was doing any of this at all. All he knew was that Shadow. Was. Dead. Because of him. Because hedecided to trust him. He spin-dashed straight into the kit’s chest, pressing him deeper and deeper into the rough, ragged cavern floor. One of his mechanical tails snapped from the shear force the spin dash on his body. Sonic slowly picked the broken hunk of metal, held it above the little fox’s body, and …

He ran as far as he can go. He ran and ran until he just couldn’t anymore and broke down in the middle of f@!king boscage maze. They’re dead. Both of them are dead. And it’s his fault isn’t it? If he had listened to Shadow about Nine then he wouldn’t had gotten electrocuted. If he had listened to Nine then Nine wouldn’t have betrayed them. If he had listened to his friends then none of this would’ve happened in the first place. But he didn’t. And now they’re all dead. So why even try? Why even try to help people if you only end up hurting them? What’s the point? What’s the point of anything anymore? Sonic’s grip on sanity finally snaps, when someone finally finds him….

It’s Thorn. She’s been watching Sonic this whole time and is understandably disturbed by the whole, watching someone have a meltdown thing. Seeing that Sonic has seemingly calmed down, she reaches to ask what happened to him, why he was so scared, but it was too late. Sonic grabbed Thorn by the neck, just before Mangey, Prim, and Gnarly came looking for her. Meanwhile:

Shadow tackles Nine, shoving him into the portal and just barely managing to close it before he got back. But now, both Shadow and Nine are both stranded. Without the shards, Nine can’t create a portal to escape the Grim. Shadow can’t enter any of the shatter spaces, so even if he could leave the ghost world, he���d still be trapped. They’re both stuck. 

Back with Sonic, the boscage maze crew are still trying to snap him out of it as he attacks them and their home. Prim keeps arguing this is pointless, that they should just beat him up until he leaves, but Thorn won’t let that happen. Sonic’s still in there. He has to be. This gamble fails, the forest is mostly destroyed and Mangey is injured. (btw the boscage maze stuff I just talked about isn’t very plot relevant, just wanted to mention it cause I could.) When Sonic finally leaves boscage, he plans to go to the other realities as well, destroying them one by one. But, for some reason, he decides to go to the Grim instead. He’s not quite sure why, but goes anyway. Why not, after all? 

Nine has been on edge the entire time he’s been in the Grim. It made sense, after all. Sonic was still alive, and presumably, still looking for the last shard. His best bet was to try to find it before he found him. Nine had been searching for about a day and a half, getting increasingly desperate by the hour. He wished he had stolen the tech he gave to Sonic, or made another one that could help him track where the shard was. Suddenly, Sonic arrives. And Nine’s not exactly happy to see him again. Sonic immediately starts attacking, Nine trying as hard as he can to get a hit in. As they’re fighting, Nine has a realization. He can use this to his advantage. All he has to do is keep Sonic chasing him and his shoes will tell him where the last shard is. Then, try to trigger the “voice” so he can get the shard. Finally, finish. the. job. Unfortunately, the second step doesn’t go to plan. He’s able to get the shard but…….

Sonic gets to him before Nine could run off with it.

And when he watched him bleed out, when he watched the blood pour out of his chest, when he realized that he was dead, that there was no way he could come back from this, no way he could still miraculously be alive, no chance that he could ever fix what he had done, Sonic fully accepted what he had become. A mindless, murderous, monster.

Shadow has been waiting this whole time; waiting for Sonic, waiting for the last shard, and waiting for a chance to actually apologize for what happened at the workshop. But that chance had already passed, it seemed. Sonic slowly walked into the cave, where everything started, Grim shard and metal tail both in hand. The two hedgehogs met eyes. Sonic stood in shock for a minute, then smiled. One last person to kill.  He hopped down from the cave’s mouth, tossed the shard to the side, and gripped the bloody scrap metal harder. Then, he lunged. They start battling it out as Shadow tries to put the pieces together on what happened. Sonic keeps teasing and joking with Shadz while they’re battling it out. Eventually it just devolve into rants about how stupid everything is, and how stupid he was for ever thinking he was a good person. When Shadow finally gets a good look at how deteriorated Sonic’s mind has become, he can’t help but wonder what he could’ve done to stop this. But it’s too late for that now. He was too slow. Shadow eventually gets the upper hand and corners Sonic, toppling him over. Here’s the passage I wrote for the next scene: 

——————————————————————

Shadow grasped the jagged piece of metal and held it just above the blue hedgehog’s skull, shaking with what he couldn’t tell was rage or fear. Sonic’s eyes stared up at him, his maniacal grin completely wiped. Instead, a blank expression crossed his face. It wasn’t exactly fear, it wasn’t exactly shock, it wasn’t exactly sadness and it wasn’t exactly relief. It was…. everything, all mashed into one giant, unreadable expression. For once, Shadow felt he genuinely understood Sonic. For once, he knew exactly what he was feeling. Shadow dropped the blade. He hugged him.

“Wh-?”

“Because you need it.”

Sonic couldn’t hold back any longer. The tears that he had been repressing for so long now streamed down his cheeks like waterfalls as he leaned further and further into Shadow’s embrace. All the words he had wanted to say for so long spilled out of his mouth in a giant river, jumbled and broken and completely incoherent as he tried to explain it all, as he tried and tried and tried to apologize for everything he had done. 

“I-I didn’t-”

“Shhh”

“I j-just-”

“Shhh”

“I c-couldn’t”

“It’s OK. Sonic, look at me.”

He lifted up Sonic’s tear stricken face with his hand, staring into his eyes, tinted with pain.

“It’s all gonna be OK.”

the end.

———————————————————————

And that’s it! This took a while to write, so thanks for sticking around through it all, that was really cool of you. A few little notes about the epilogue & after story.

Epilogue:

I need to clear something up before I can start discussing what happens in the epilogue. You may have noticed some of the Sonic art I’ve posted (mostly the ones with Sonic using a prosthetic arm) mentioned something about an epilogue. This is a mistake. What past me was trying to say was that this was from the after story. I just forgot the word for it, sorry! With that out of the way, let’s begin. After Sonic’s finally cried it all out, they both get up and he thanks Shadow for the hug. Shadow accepts, and there’s a cute lil scene where the two of them are just… talking, while they go to grab the last shard from the top of the mountain to put it back in its place. After they’re done, Sonic hesitates for a moment. Should he go back to them? After everything, he doesn’t really believe that they would want to see him, not after what he’d done. But Shadow reassures him that if HE could forgive Sonic, then his friends probably would too. They both go their separate ways, and Sonic finally gets to see his friends again. He (tries) to explain what happened, why he’s missing an arm and covered in blood, all that stuff, and they are understandably horrified at…. EVERYTHING he’s saying but ultimately forgive him. They all leave to get chili dogs, and we end with the whole gang minus Shadow having a picnic and Sonic FINALLY taking a nap on Tail’s tails.

After Story: 

I don’t have much of this part planned out outside from a prosthetic design for Sonic and the BAREST of story outlines so I’m just gonna make a bullet point list.

Eggman steals the paradox prism

Everyone (including Shadow) gets together to make a plan to steal it back

Sonic messes up the plan somehow and starts freaking out

Shadow yells at him, making it worse

Sonic runs away and has a panic attack 

After he calms down a little, Shadow goes to apologize 

They go back and come up with a new plan

It works & they all go get some food (including Shadow, after a lot of convincing)

———————————————————————

Final, FINAL Notes: OH MY GOD THIS TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE IN ONE WEEK OH MY GOD. thank you again so much for reading all of this this is so long oh my freaking god why’d I make this so long? uh, this mostly serves as a reference sheet so you know what scene im drawing so I can stop getting questions on what is going on. speaking of questions, if you have any, ask! im bad at explaining stuff, so im sure there’s PLENTY. just to make sure im not getting anyone’s hopes up btw, i dont know if I’ll actually end up making this a full fic, mostly cause ive never made one before & i dont know how to use ao3 yet :( feel free to use any and all ideas mentioned within this mega-essay with or without credit, i support you! with this last, last, LAST note, I think I will leave you be.

(also sorry that this took so long to write, it got deleted 3 separate times so I had to start over haha :))))))))))

[justkillingthyme]

hcs about the main characters when sick?

Rubs my hands together. You’ve activated my trap card (<has three uploaded sickfics and three more planned) lets fucking go

Hershel (post uni pre ls) would go to work. Wouldn’t exactly overexert himself to the point of exhaustion/passing out but he would just try and power through while taking it easy. Hershel post LS alternates between trying to work (and being cajoled into rest) and simply taking the day off to not risk others health and set a good example

Luke will take it easy when he realizes that he’s sick. Problem is that he’s taken up Hershel’s bad habit of running himself into the ground and ignoring himself to please others. If someone tells him to rest he’ll go down without a fight but it’s also the matter of Luke having little bodily awareness to realize that he’s sick in the first place instead of just feeling bad. I also think that he’s The Nefarious Crier when sick. Will bawl like a baby because he’s sick and feels bad (bad for all the emotionally constipated adults he hangs out with)

Emmy will run herself into the ground. She will go to work and fight god while running a fever of 104. Unless she’s passing out or physically tied to a bed, there’s no way her ass is resting. I think she has a pretty good immune system, so it doesn’t happen often, but when she gets sick it takes a while to recover. On account of her refusing to chill. She’s also very crabby and snippy when ill.

I think flora gets sick often. Naturally bad immune system plus isolation from living people for a good portion of her life means that someone could sneeze 50 miles away and somehow she’s sniffling the next day. I don’t think it gets particularly bad for her (mostly it’s just mild symptoms on and off). She’s not as emotional as Luke, but she’s easily swayed with her mood, and prefers company while she recovers. She does her best to avoid getting sick but doesn’t go out of her way. If someone in the house is sick, she’ll avoid them and won’t linger in their room or places they’ve been. But she doesn’t go all out vigorous cleaning mask in place.

Desmond got the worst pick of the genetic lottery (his dads face and his mom’s shit immune system). He does everything in his power to avoid getting sick because when he does end up getting sick it’s BAD. It’s never minor it always snowballs into something far worse and he knows that. When it’s just him and Raymond he’ll complain endlessly when it’s minor. Raymond my nose is stuffed up fetch me more tissues. Raymond I’m coughing make me more tea. But when it’s serious or he feels like he has important things to do he will hide it at all costs. AL Des has to pretend he’s normal and not germaphobic when anyone gets sick but internally he wants to put on a hazmat suit and use one of those garbage claws to move things around in the vicinity of the sick person. He also tries to downplay his illnesses when with other people so he doesn’t draw attention and worry others. He kinda just crashes in his room and doesn’t exit until he’s coherent (kinda similar when he gets migraines but this ain’t about that.) Raymond doesn’t let him have access to the medicine cabinet after The Incident so he has to suck it up every time and beg Raymond for cold medicine while seething because he’s a grown ass adult but also. It’s Raymond. And Raymond will know if he tries to just steal them. All powerful all knowing Raymond.

Randall complains endlessly while sick. Yes he will let you know at any point in time that he’s horribly sick and that’s why you should grab the remote that’s two feet away from him and within reach. But if he has something that he wants to do there’s no getting him down without a fight. He’ll go on an expedition while dying. Because no risk no glory or smth oh look a cool rock!

Henry will do anything to pretend that he’s not sick. Regardless of whether or not he recognizes that he’s sick, he’s not telling anyone and will simply work. Then work harder when he’s upset that he’s not at full efficiency. He could probably be coaxed to bed though.

Claire was normal about being sick, though kinda similar to Randall in that she might ignore it if her symptoms aren’t bad if she would be missing something important school or work-wise. But she knows her limits well.

[once-upon-a-stolas]

Here’s the one, guys. The one that I’ve been waiting for and I know a lot of you have been waiting for, and we should talk about all the things that have happened in the interim, we should view these through the the lens of the Kendraws screenshots, Millie’s brother, the transandrophobia/ableism screenshots...

We’re not going to be doing any of that. Not today. Let me have the memory of this one.

This incident starts off with Blitzo, undisguised and in plain view, being spotted and photographed by a human in the living world. To say that Stolas is annoyed would be a gross understatement; he’s pretty fuming, not even remotely playing around. It’s quite possibly the angriest we ever see him become, with the possible exception of the time a commenter suggested he rape Blitzo.

Now, before we get to the good part, it has to be said how important this is, because it speaks volumes regarding Before!Stolas and Blitzo’s arrangement regarding the grimoire. This was all taking place pre-Murder Family, and as said many times before on this blog, without expecting anything in return. Stolas simply allowed Blitzo to use his grimoire because he liked him, and in these posts, we see that his only condition was this: that Blitzo not do anything foolish with it. A condition Blitzo, being Blitzo, breaks.

That being the case, Stolas shows up at I.M.P.’s office, waiting for hours in the office to have a serious talk with Blitzo, who avoids him until Stolas makes it clear why he’s interrupting work hours, at which point Blitzo lets him in immediately.

And here’s, of course, where things get fun.

Blitzo lets Stolas lecture him for a while, and then whips out a remote controlled vibrator. Stolas is surprised, but needless to say, delighted. Blitzo is delighted. You’re delighted, I’m delighted, everyone’s delighted. The only one not enjoying this is Moxxie. 

(The commenters are also delighted, and that’s not a good thing. Just a quick scroll reveals that there are a lot of very, very young people in this crowd. I’d say at least half of them have no idea what’s going on here.)

Stolas would be within his rights to get extremely upset over this, but after all is said and done, he just tells Blitzo that he’s lucky he’s cute. Blitzo flirts back at him, saying Stolas is lucky Blitzo wasn’t recording him, Stolas is aflutter, and all is forgiven.

So, what does this very lighthearted, extremely fun incident tell us about Before!Stolas and Blitzo’s relationship? A couple of key things.

1. Blitzo and Stolas’s sexual encounter was not a one-off deal; the only way that this is able to take place is if Stolas is wearing a vibrator 24/7. 

2. Blitzo enjoys his sexual relationship with Stolas. He enjoys teasing him and is comfortable enough around him to do so.

3. Because the full moon deal doesn’t apply, they’re both doing this for no other reason than they want to.

We now know, by Vivzie’s own admission and the admissions of people who were close to her, that Vivzie writes by the seat of her pants and frequently changes things on a dime. We know, for instance, that Present Day!Stolas and Blitzo being childhood friends was a last moment pivot based on a piece of fanart she liked. This is, of course, not the way to write a coherent story, but it explains everything about Stolas’s wildly inconsistent characterization. The Stolas we saw bleeding out in today’s episode, love him or loathe him, is a completely different character than the Stolas who once crossed his legs and went brrrr.

And that’s why, the further away we get from that summer of 2020, the more important it becomes to me that that briefly lived iteration of Stolas is remembered for who he was, and his romance with Blitzo remembered for what it was. Because it was trusting, playful, healthy.

And it had remote controlled vibrators.

[alexandraisyes]

i’ve been thinking about dark sun for a while now so i’m dropping my thoughts into your ask box

when dark sun was first introduced i took ONE look at that mf and went “this man is def schizoid.”

i’m gonna dump the dsm criteria for szpd in here real quick

DSM-5 Criteria

- A pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

1. Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family.

2. Almost always chooses solitary activities.

3. Has little, if any, interest in having intimate experiences with another person. (note: i changed the wording from sexual to intimate here because it can be seen as an attempt to pathologize asexuality, and that’s not very cool of the DSM)

4. Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities.

5. Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives.

6. Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others.

7. Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity.

disclaimer here, considering the recent lore on dark sun, i don’t think he’s Entirely Schizoid anymore, but he def has Some Traits. I’ll mostly just be talking about my earlier thoughts on him before all the shit with Ruin, Nexus, and Eclipse happened

when he was first introduced (and through some of his subsequent interactions) i could SMELL the apathy and anhedonia on this bitch. i mean LOOK at this man

dark sun was obviously Very Detached and seemed unbothered by his solitude/overall Lack of Social Relationships, in fact i think he preferred it

i can’t say anything about him enjoying any activities (even with current lore) (which in it of itself might say something about him) i’m not sure if this guy truly Enjoys anything he does, he seems quite apathetic to it all

him lacking close confidents is. kind of self explanatory, he was very much Alone in his dimension (moon does not count, i’m not sure if that guy was even functional). his indifference is also self explanatory i think

i already mentioned his Detachment, but he definitely experiences flattened activity, i don’t think we’ve ever seen him sound/be remotely emotional

he also does appear to experience some level of grandiosity/superiority complex, which is actually something that can be experienced with SZPD (not to be confused with grandiosity in NPD)

for SZPD, they may experience grandiosity as a defense mechanism. it should be noted that people with SZPD who display these behaviors may not believe they are a “great” person. rather it’s a mask to protect themselves. think of it as a means to maintain their independence (avoid being “controlled”) or cover up their own emotional inavailability.

here’s a tumblr post with some screenshots about SZPD & grandiosity (from a book about SZPD) that you may find useful: https://hauntedselves.tumblr.com/post/715822672943202304/schizoid-defences-omnipotence-and-grandiosity

now, does dark sun genuinely believe he’s great/superior? honestly idk LMAO if anyone has any idea lmk

ANYWAYS, this is probably really jumbled (rip) but i tried my best. i’m just a guy with szpd who thinks it’s Really Neat when characters display symptoms of a disorder i have

i hope you enjoyed my Thoughts 🐐

Hi and thanks for the ask! And it actually makes a lot of sense as to why you would think he has ScPD considering it's commonly mixed up with ASPD by the general public.

Firstly, I think it's important to recognize that ScPD is a Cluster A disorder, and ASPD (his canon diagnosis) is a Cluster B disorder. The two clusters have similar but different criteria and generalized behaviors.

Both disorders involve difficulties in social interactions. ScPD individuals have discomfort in close relationships and may exhibit eccentric behaviors, while those with ASPD may disregard others' rights and engage in manipulative or deceitful behavior. People with ScPD may exhibit paranoid thoughts and suspiciousness, which can superficially resemble the manipulative and distrustful behaviors seen in ASPD.

ScPD is characterized by eccentric behavior, odd beliefs, and social anxiety. In contrast, ASPD involves a lack of empathy, disregard for social norms, and manipulative or anti-social behavior. Individuals with ScPD often behave oddly due to cognitive distortions and discomfort in social situations, not intending harm. Those with ASPD often act with intentional disregard for others' rights and may engage in harmful behavior without remorse.

Mental health professionals use structured diagnostic tools and criteria (like those in the DSM-5) to distinguish between these disorders accurately. This process includes detailed interviews, psychological assessments, and consideration of the individual's history and behavior patterns. This second part is especially important because if you look at the DSM-5 criteria a lot of behaviors are generalized and therefore a lot of different specific behaviors get glossed over. This is how I ended up with an autism diagnosis (I am not autistic in the slightest) and almost got shackled with a BPD diagnosis too because the people diagnosing me weren't taking the time to figure out what I was actually like and listening to the general behaviors.

Misunderstanding can occur in non-clinical settings due to a lack of detailed knowledge about the specific features of each disorder. The term "personality disorder" itself can lead to confusion, as people might assume all personality disorders have similar characteristics. Media often portrays individuals with personality disorders in a sensationalized manner. For example, characters with ASPD are frequently depicted in media as violent criminals or masterminds, while those with SCPD might be shown as eccentric loners or “weirdos.” These portrayals lack the nuance of real-life experiences and can lead to stereotypical views that do not accurately represent the spectrum of symptoms or the daily challenges faced by individuals with these disorders.

Some symptoms can appear similar across different personality disorders, leading to confusion. For instance, both ASPD and SCPD can involve social difficulties, but for very different reasons. Without a thorough understanding of the specific criteria for each disorder, people might conflate the two or misinterpret behaviors.

I think it's important to remember that as far as canon goes, he was labeled with ASPD from the get-go, and they have been extremely consistent with portraying ASPD traits in his character. However, as far as fanon goes, do whatever you want bro. I'm in full support of having headcanons and such.

As far as superiority, survey says yes. However, not in the sense of grandiosity that comes with arrogance or the belief that one is better than others which is commonly associated with disorders like NPD and ScPD, as well as others. I actually talked about what it's like for someone with ASPD/low empathy in this regard and I'll go ahead and grab that.

Fourthly, as someone who believes themself to be both superior and inferior of their peers at most all times, but never an equal, as well as having experience with other's who are similar to myself in nature, I will have to debunk that last statement entirely. You cannot feel superior to something if you do not understand it, because how else are you able to make that judgement. Most often people who genuinely know that they are above their peers understand their peers more than their peers understand themselves, and it is not a snobbish, arrogant superiority, but rather a knowledge, deep and lonesome in nature, that you will be lucky to chance upon another who can match your own understanding. It is not a cruel, vindictive behavior, but rather the turn of pages and the avoidance of others because they exhaust you by being overly concerned with things that you know have no real importance. People around you are tedious at worst, and amusing at best. There is a difference between genuinely being superior and being casted in this knowledge that is fact, and considering yourself better than another person. More often than not those who are genuinely above others in their understanding are the ones who are most aware that they are then rendered as less than, for they can no longer comfortably exist among their peers, and as humans are social creatures, one who cannot do such at ease are cast aside by the crowds as well. It creates both a hermit and a pariah out of a being.

This specific snippet was from a debate about Gemini having low empathy but also applies to characters (and people) with ASPD.

Also thank you for coming in here to share! I think you raise a lot of good points that would have been extremely relevant and informative, and still are extremely informative. Maybe not as relevant however since we already know that Helios is canonically ASPD, haha. However, it was so nice to hear your thoughts and about you're experiences (indirectly), so thank you so much for sharing (again)!

[malkaleh]

The thing about Cuthbert I’d forgotten is that he’s especially awful and stupid when his ego gets punctured - so I shouldn’t have been surprised he did what he did but it was so incredibly Dense. He’d decided to set some orcs on Lord Elrond (I found this out later) - oh he didn’t go to them directly (he’s not remotely brave enough) but he did know some nasty types in the next decent sized village and he did have gold and a big mouth to match.

-

Cuthbert Edelsson was angry and more than that his ego was bruised and he wasn’t bright enough to understand that he should leave it alone because in his small village, he had always been the most important and feared one and could not imagine it being otherwise.

So when he had gone to the nearest town (a fishing town - not large but large enough to have several inns and even shops) to drink and gripe he had found himself with several of his particularly nasty friends who had still nastier friends who knew, well they knew some orcs.

The instructions from Mordor regarding certain among the opposing side were very clear indeed (they were not to be harmed if captured, they were to be delivered to Lord Sauron immediately for a great reward upon safe delivery and only safe delivery) but it had not filtered down to the common bandits.

So the idea of getting rich on Cuthberts gold for the easy job of grabbing and killing some soft elven healer was entirely a positive for them.

It was not that they knew Elrond and his sons, not exactly - in this part of Middle Earth it was known there was, somewhere some Elvish Dwellings still about but they were largely avoided and shunned. But it was known that there was an elvish of sorts healer who went out to help when he could and sometimes, sometimes he would stop by a certain inn to eat.

The bandits decide to drug the food.

-

When Matthias came in carrying Lord Elrond (I did not know it was Lord Elrond) I was…it wasn’t the blood, I’m used enough to that. It was that he, oh I can’t explain it, if you haven’t seen him but he is so beautiful and gentle - like a summer night sky full of stars on a perfect night and it seemed so awful that someone would hurt something so gentle.

“The cowards drugged him and left him for dead - on the road side as though he was nothing” Matthias spits at me and of course they wouldn’t have wanted a fair fight or anything like one - that might have been their one intelligent move but it makes me angry too, that they did this so cruelly when Matthias had told me the elf had only healing tools with him.

“What was an elf doing in a human town? If he is an elf?”

We were talking as we cleaned the blood off him - it made things look worse, in truth. Matthias isn’t a healer like me but he knows enough to help.

“Healing, the inn keeper said. There are some orphaned children who needed care beyond the local healers skill and he’d been coming for a while. Said he didn’t know much of who he might be - he kept his hood and cloak up but that he was very kind.”

By all accounts he should have been safe. The village (a good sized one) was known to have been peaceful and prosperous for generations and generations and I got the feeling that if he hadn’t been drugged the robbers would have had no chance at all.

For the maybe not entirely an elf had also been carrying weapons - good ones, it turns out.

“But this..what they seem to have used shouldn’t have made him this sick if he is only an elf? It should have merely caused him to pass out for a few hours. Do you think…?”

I did not think. I knew then.

“We need to get hold of the Rangers - Matthias if you can find them”

for @nocompromise-noregrets More Miri.

[whatsaudreythinkingabout]

a dear friend of mine once told me that everyone in danganronpa 2 is in a situationship with each other and ever since then i’ve never been able to see them differently. this is how i envision it (so far)

extra notes:

“official” is for ships i see as actually happening within my headcanon, “potential” is for ones that have been hinted at or might not be at the present time but could still happen at a later date

this is still in development, may or may not be updated over time

twomiki & twobuki will probably be made official at some point, as well as sonia/mikan

no bitches for nagito. ever. komahina is funniest to me when it’s fully unrequited and the day i make anything even remotely komanami is the day hell freezes over

so for some of them i don’t have a defined sexuality/gender identity (at least that i know of) but the ones that i do hc are as follows: chiaki is a lesbian demigirl, nagito is gay, hajime is nonbinary (so hinanami is still on the table but i cannot imagine him as a man bc while it’s cute in theory it also kinda gives me MPDG vibes which i wanna avoid), mikan is sapphic (this is canon but i’ve heard conflicting accounts over whether she’s a lesbian or bi so for now i’m leaving it unlabeled), ibuki is a biromantic ace w/ a preference for girls, sonia is bi, akane is pan, i think teruteru is canonically bi & ofc imposter is canon nonbinary/genderfluid. everyone else i’m still figuring out but the important thing is that no one is straight

so if anyone’s wondering why teruteru is a part of this: i came up with a hc (initially as a joke but then i got attached) where teruteru has a MASSIVE crush on akane (he’s a chef, she loves food; to him, it’s a match made in heaven!) but she’s completely oblivious to it; anytime he tries to hit on her it goes completely over his head. then he sees how she has that kinda will-they-won’t-they thing with nekomaru & he’s like “oh of course how can i compete with the big buff dude boohoo woe is me” until he has this aha moment like “oh yeah, i forgot. i’m bisexual. i’m attracted to the big buff dude too.” this man wants to be their third so badly it’s insane

kazuichi has a lot of self-reflection to do before he’s actually ready for a relationship but in time it could happen

as for hiyoko & mahiru, i’m still figuring out where they’d fit. i’ll get there eventually

out of all of these nanamiki is still probably gonna be what i focus on the most bc obviously

[thessalian]

Thess vs Avoidant Behaviour

There are no words for the frustration right now. I feel so “out of sight, out of mind”. Not that I’d go back to that hellish commute for anything, and not that it’d even help if I were back at the office, but it’s still how it feels.

Look. Temp and Violet had a bargain. Violet does the long typing; Temp does the short ones. I do ... whatever, I guess. I was not consulted about this, because if I had been, the first question out of my mouth would have been, “So what happens when Violet isn’t typing?” Because she’s often not. Even if she’s actually in, she often has other things to do. But Temp keeps acting like the deal read “Temp does the short ones and only the short ones, forever and ever".

Side note: I wonder what the fuck she does when I’m on annual leave, or off sick. I may have to ask, because we’re at the point where I might end up having to take health leave because of her.

Today was a bad day, okay? Today was “stabbing pains in my back and hips, making sitting upright painful”. Today was, “I had to get up and move around or just lie down for a few minutes, just to maintain some semblance of equilibrium”. Today also quickly became “vertigo”. So obviously this was a day to at least try to take it easy, which was aided and abetted by the fact that we’re not actually doing too badly insofar as the queue goes - we’re in the low double-digits, which hasn’t happened in awhile.

But noooooo. I mean, I did what I could to minimise the workload, but ... you type for a specific group of people for awhile, you start to know what to expect. You see names and you hook them to how their dictation usually goes. You know the guy who’s in training and whose work is always checked over by a consultant, and who therefore ends up going, “Oh, can you go back to that bit in the middle and add...?” because he is still moderately clueless and a consultnat saved his ass. You know the guy whose dictation is only as short as it is because he has not got to grips with the footpedal after this long and tends to miss out important stuff - like, for instance, the description of a tumour - and thus obliges you to email him and go, “Um, we’re missing a bit”. You know the woman who talks way too fast. The three or four women who insist on not flagging up that there are fragments in the sample until the block key, when that has to be in the fucking body text as well. The woman with the vocal quirk of having her voice lilt up a half-octave at the end of every sentence, at just the right pitch to trigger a migraine in my case. The two trainee guys who ignore the templates altogether, obliging a lot of typing when we could just be filling out a form. The three or four people who always dictate placentas, which require copy-typing a handwritten form every fucking time. The ones who have no grasp of sentence structure, and who don’t know how to pluralise (through no real fault of their own; English is not their first language so I’m not shitting on them for that; it’s just frustrating).

Temp. Avoids. ALL OF THEM.

There are maybe one or two who dictate well - concise, well laid-out, short, simple, to the point. She takes all of those and maybe some of the less ideal ones if they’re short enough, and I get everything that could even remotely be even a tiny bit inconvenient for her. She hasn’t done a dictation that was longer than a minute long in two days.

So here’s me having a particularly bad pain day, having to get up every fifteen minutes so my back and hips can stop screaming at me, feeling unbelievably dizzy, and I get to struggle through all of the long, inconvenient, frustrating bullshit while she does all the nice simple stuff. And Violet’s not there to pick up the slack even a little bit - out of the office or otherwise engaged, I don’t know or care. I mean, okay, I care - I hope she’s okay. But the reasons she’s not doing the long typing have no bearing on the fact that she isn’t, and Temp is just fobbing them all off on me.

Scruffman seems to think that the situation is solved because Violet and Temp have an arrangement. However, no one considered that I am involved in this arrangement because I share the workload, and Temp is obviously deliberately misconstruing that arrangement to mean, “Do whatever you want and someone else will pick up the bits you don’t like”. I get that she doesn’t like them. I DON’T LIKE THEM EITHER. Fact is, however, that being stuck with too many of them doesn’t leave her in enough pain to be near tears at the end of the day. But I’m hesitant to bring it up to Scruffman because he basically waves it off every time. It’s “I’ll talk to her” or, “Oh, Violet and Temp have an arrangement” and it’s dismissive as fuck. He’s really bad with confrontation, you see, and I get the short end of the stick because there’s little to no chance that I can get into his face about it, because I’m not in the office. And as long as the work gets done, he seems fine.

I left one seven-minute long bit of nightmare for someone else to do, but I did everything else. Because what choice did I have? Temp wasn’t going to. Violet’s not able to for some reason. And it still needs to get done. Hell, I feel guilty about leaving the seven-minute long bit of nightmare, despite it having come up at the head of the queue pretty much towards the end of the day and wouldn’t have necessarily left me with the time to do it anyway.

So we have Temp and Scruffman avoiding shit they don’t like - any typing that’s not really quick and easy, and conflict, respectively. And it all gets lumped onto me in both cases. And I am fed up beyond the telling of it. Right now I’m just trying to let things settle a little so I can manage a trip to check the post and go to the corner shop. Days like this require chocolate.

[qnewsau]

Royston Noell shares coming out journey in new song Say it Loud

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/royston-noell-shares-coming-out-journey-in-new-song-say-it-loud/

Royston Noell shares coming out journey in new song Say it Loud

Australian Idol winner Royston Noell has shared his coming out journey in his new track Say it Loud.

The 25-year-old queer First Nations man won Idol season eight last year. The musician says the first track from his new album reflects the challenge of embracing who you are.

“For me, that struggle was tied to my sexuality,” Royston told us.

“I couldn’t Say It Loud for a long time, and this song captures that significant part of my life that I was scared to reveal.

Royston held onto a lot of fear before he came out of the closet.

“When you are in the closet, it is so scary. You don’t want anyone to know because you’re also dealing with so much internalized homophobia, and you hate yourself,” he said.

“I had to work through that as well and start to learn to love myself.”

Say It Loud is written and produced by Sam Fisher and DNA. Royston knew he wanted to release the song as soon as he heard the lyrics.

“I instantly gravitated towards not being able to say it out loud when I heard it,” he said.

“The lyrics really aligned with my whole experience and process.”

All he wanted growing up was to sing

“There was some homophobia at school, and I tried to avoid singing in front of other people because of it,” Royston said.

“But once I started the journey of embracing who I was, my story, my truth, was that I no longer felt the need to suppress my love for singing.

“It felt so freeing. I’ve received so many messages from people telling me my journey as a queer First Nations artist has helped them.”

Proud Thanakwith and Wagadagam man Royston was a young boy when his music teacher ignited his musical passion.

“Growing up in Mapoon isn’t like growing up in the city; we still practice a lot of traditional hunting and have a strong sense of community,” he said.

“I was so different to a lot of the other kids growing up; other kids wanted to be footy players or be like Cathy Freeman, but all I wanted to do was sing.

“Although, it felt very isolating being the only kid in my school of 60 kids that sang.

“This project has been a long time coming, but I’m so grateful I had the time needed to truly put together a body of work that I was proud of.

“To figure out what I wanted to say and give to the world as an artist.”

‘What am I saying as a queer artist?’

Say it Loud is the first song on Royston’s upcoming EP.

“I didn’t want to put out just anything. If I had released any music a year ago, it wouldn’t have been strong,” he told us.

“I wanted to focus on stories about the different journeys I undertook that have helped me find myself and find my voice.”

Each song on the upcoming album explores his story since leaving school, accepting himself and stepping into the world.

“It’s important to know what you want to say as an artist. I could have just gone to any pitched song and just put that out,” he said.

“But I wanted to put out music that I was resonating with, and that takes time.

“I asked myself what am I going to say as a queer artist? What am I going to say as an indigenous artist?

“I’m so grateful that Sony gave me that space to dig deep and write music that resonates with me.

“I put a lot of my heart and soul into this new music and it’s the output from the creative journey I undertook after winning Australian Idol.

“I’m really excited to show these different sides of me.

“Coming from a small indigenous, remote community in North Queensland has been my story since Idol, which I love as that is who I am.

“And I’m very proud to be able to inspire everyone from remote or regional areas.

“But I am excited to share more about my sexuality because I’m a proud queer artist. I haven’t spoken a lot about that in my music and I’m excited to open up my world to my audience.”

The first taste of Royston’s new body of work has been released with Say It Loud. We look forward to hearing Royston share more of himself with his upcoming EP.

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[womenhelpingwomen]

Thanks so much for putting this blog together! I have a question about careers. I'm a straight woman in my early 30s who intends to stay unmarried and independent. I'm a little afraid about maintaining my independence, though. I have chronic migraines that affect me on a daily basis. I have had to accept that dealing with them means significant lifestyle changes, which I've made. But it's backed me into kind of a corner, career wise. I was already a freelance writer/editor before they got bad, which is mostly good -- being able to have some control over schedule and work remotely is great. But the pay ... is shit. And when I try to figure out what other kinds of jobs I could do, I get frustrated -- migraines mean I really, really need flexibility of schedule. I can work a full 40 hours per week, I just ... can't always predict WHEN those hours get worked. Having no partner to lean on makes this scary, and I worry a lot about the future. I wonder sometimes if the trades might have anything to offer me. Do any of you women have any advice regarding career paths that might work with my issues? I'm open to learning just about anything, and like working with my hands. I don't have many physical restrictions, beyond being unable to do REALLY intense physical labor (big migraine trigger). I'm also curious about anything any of you might know about different kinds of writing/editing -- even though I've been doing this for years, I feel like I weirdly know very little about what my options in this field are. Mostly, I write/edit clickbait and food-centric website copy.

Hello! First off, it’s great that you’re planning on maintaining your independence and working on your future. We love to see it. Avoiding the trap of relying 100% on a romantic relationship to meet your needs is huge. I will say that avoiding relying on men is really important, but so is cultivating relationships with a community of women. If you seek out friendships with women of all ages and skillsets then your future will look a lot more secure. Through those connections you could find work opportunities that you’d never get just by looking around and applying to places.

I got several responses from women in the group to your ask:

“There’s something called a Virtual Marketing Assistant that is work from home and it’s aimed at providing small business owners remote people who can write ad copy for them, edit little videos, create landing pages for businesses etc. I don’t know if they pay well enough to cover this woman’s living expenses but it’s something she can look into to find out if it’s worth learning how to do.” ~XX

“I would second work-from-home. Writing for businesses, especially copywriting opportunities to work from home. For physical work, it might be possible but I would think she’s need to start her own business. If she likes to work with her hands and doesn’t want the rigorous labor of say, construction, she could try landscaping or crafting and selling online or taking commission. This sort of independence is good for all women, but I hope she can also find ways to reduce these migraines since this will be easier if she saves money for business expenses and to cover the time not spent working.” ~RQ

“Someone once suggested locksmithing! I don’t know anything about it, but it seemed like an interesting thing to go into and should be pretty well paying and offer a lot of freedom. Re writing, my personal suggestion would be to develop and area of expertise - - I spend probably half my time writing things, but I get paid so much to do that because I’m bringing my expertise into it. (I don’t know anything about migraines, but wouldn’t someone who experiences them be better off not spending a lot of time in front of screens?) I do worry about career options with respect to general writing, as it seems ‘AI’ is starting to lower the market value of this work (which doesn’t seem to be very high anyway), so it may not be a good choice for investing in your future.” ~ DD

“If possible I’d advise getting into tech somehow. Freelancing and remote hours are pretty good.” IWKD

I hope some of this was helpful to you! If anyone else has more advice to give please reblog this with a response.

[tastydregs]

The hidden dangers of generative advertising

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As the whole world knows, the field of artificial intelligence (AI) is progressing at breakneck speeds. Companies big and small are racing to implement the power of generative AI in new and useful ways. 

I am a firm believer in the value of AI to advance human productivity and solve human problems, but I am also quite concerned about the unexpected consequences. As I told the San Francisco Examiner last week, I signed the controversial AI “Pause Letter” along with thousands of other researchers to draw attention to the risks associated with large-scale generative AI and help the public understand that the risks are currently evolving faster than the efforts to contain them. 

It’s been less than two weeks since that letter went public, and already an announcement was made by Meta about a planned use of generative AI that has me particularly worried. Before I get into this new risk, I want to say that I’m a fan of the AI work done at Meta and have been impressed by their progress on many fronts. 

For example, just this week, Meta announced a new generative AI called the segment anything model (SAM), which I believe is profoundly useful and important. It allows any image or video frame to be processed in near real-time and identifies each of the distinct objects in the image. We take this capability for granted because the human brain is remarkably skilled at segmenting what we see, but now with the SAM model, computing applications can perform this function in real-time.  

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Why is SAM important? As a researcher who began working on “mixed reality” systems back in 1991 before that phrase had even been coined, I can tell you that the ability to identify objects in a visual field in real time is a genuine milestone. It will enable magical user interfaces in augmented/mixed reality environments that were never before feasible.

For example, you will be able to simply look at a real object in your field of view, blink or nod or make some other distinct gesture, and immediately receive information about that object or remotely interact with it if it is electronically enabled. Such gaze-based interactions have been a goal of mixed reality systems for decades, and this new generative AI technology may allow it to work even if there are hundreds of objects in your field of view, and even if many of them are partially obscured. To me, this is a critical and important use of generative AI. 

Potentially dangerous: AI-generated ads

On the other hand, Meta CTO Andrew Bosworth said last week that the company plans to start using generative AI technologies to create targeted advertisements that are customized for particular audiences. I know this sounds like a convenient and potentially harmless use of generative AI, but I need to point out why this is a dangerous direction.

Generative tools are now so powerful that if corporations are allowed to use them to customize advertising imagery for targeted “audiences,” we can expect those audiences to be narrowed down to individual users. In other words, advertisers will be able to generate custom ads (images or videos) that are produced on-the-fly by AI systems to optimize their effectiveness on you personally. 

As an “audience of one,” you may soon discover that targeted ads are custom crafted based on data that has been collected about you over time. After all, the generative AI used to produce ads could have access to what colors and layouts are most effective at attracting your attention and what kinds of human faces you find the most trustworthy and engaging. 

The AI may also have data indicating what types of promotional tactics have worked effectively on you in the past. With the scalable power of generative AI, advertisers could deploy images and videos that are customized to push your buttons with extreme precision. In addition, we must assume that similar techniques will be used by bad actors to spread propaganda or misinformation.

Persuasive impact on individual targets

Even more troubling is that researchers have already discovered techniques that can be used to make images and videos highly appealing to individual users. For example, studies have shown that blending aspects of a user’s own facial features into computer-generated faces could make that user more “favorably disposed” to the content conveyed. 

Research at Stanford University, for example, shows that when a user’s own features are blended into the face of a politician, individuals are 20% more likely to vote for the candidate as a consequence of the image manipulation. Other research suggests that human faces that actively mimic a user’s own expressions or gestures may also be more influential.

Unless regulated by policymakers, we can expect that generative AI advertisements will likely be deployed using a variety of techniques that maximize their persuasive impact on individual targets.

As I said at the top, I firmly believe that AI technologies, including generative AI tools and techniques, will have remarkable benefits that enhance human productivity and solve human problems. Still, we need to put protections in place that prevent these technologies from being used in deceptive, coercive or manipulative ways that challenge human agency.    

Louis Rosenberg is a pioneering researcher in the fields of VR, AR and AI, and the founder of Immersion Corporation, Microscribe 3D, Outland Research and Unanimous AI.

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[trashogram]

Addition: The comments (which I appreciate so much thank you 💋) are giving me ideas for a Lucifer version:

I love the concept of Lucifer falling back into his depression somewhat while he and Reader are an item, and it is heavily caused by his doubts and insecurities after being left by Lilith. He’s hard on himself but it’s not enough to get him out of the depression funk, and unfortunately this coincides with him not being as energetic or engaged with you as he used to be — and subsequently you try to give him support but also space so there’s a distancing effect, and it feeds his insecurities. It’s circular. An ouroboros kinda thing.

Well, you may be a sinner but you’re still in many ways human, so you talk about how you feel to Angel Dust, who’s one of your best friends at the hotel. He feels bad, tries to get involved but it backfires so damn hard bc when he tries to cheer Lulu up, it grows into this *thing*. Angel sort of slips into work mode, in a way, and Lucifer is responsive (bc he’s self-destructing HARD). One thing leads to another and suddenly he’s servicing the Devil to help him “loosen up”. It’s just a one time thing, they both swear, but… no. It’s nothing like love or anything remotely close. It becomes a way for them both to harm themselves and goad themselves into believing that your love for them isn’t as monumental or touching or important as it really is. Because love is terrifying and neither believes they really deserve it.

But you catch them. They don’t realize it in the moment, but Husk can’t stop you from leaving and he spills. All Hell breaks loose (pun intended) as elucidated.

But the thing for me is that this actually branches off into the themes of forgiveness and redemption. Like I’m personally more interested in how Charlie would react to her Dad doing this, and Angel Dust. Charlie is disturbed by it so much because it makes her view them differently and suddenly her belief in redemption no matter what is being challenged like she never imagined. She also loves you (not romantically ofc). She thought everyone at the hotel did, but this is a nightmare and you’ve disappeared completely. And then it goes into her making tough choices about the fallout. She and Lucifer have a conversation about him maybe stepping away from helping with the Hotel bc he’s fraternizing with guests and they’re gonna have to make a hard rule about that. He tries to dissuade it bc he wants to help his daughter with her dream! But the more he thinks about it, the more sense it makes for him to gain a bit of distance. He can barely get up in the mornings anymore, he sees you everywhere in his mind’s eye. And his own daughter seems uncomfortable in his presence.

Angel Dust, on the other hand, isn’t asked to leave or anything (he’d still be considered a resident and not staff). Charlie tries to be firm with him but his way of denial is bitter and harsh. He says terrible things like how you “should’ve been able to satisfy your man if you didn’t want him to cheat.” He does not mean this at all. Angel Dust just lashes out and says whatever he can to avoid the truth and how fucked up what he and Lucifer did is. But it takes Charlie shouting at him in sheer disbelief over how cruel he’s being for Angel to break down and bawl over it. He doesn’t know why he did it either and he doesn’t know what to do to fix it. It can’t be fixed, can it Charlie???

Charlie comforts him, but she doesn’t know either. She tries to smile through it, and tell Angel that at least if when they find you, Angel can apologize and at least it’ll be sincere and heartfelt. That has to mean something right?

No. They never find you.

Which Hazbin character would be the best for this scenario?

Warning: Darkfic, infidelity/cheating, betrayal, mental breakdown, extreme angst, general suffering and Hurt no Comfort, do not read if you’re in a bad place rn

I’m in the mood for some serious heartbreak, so picture this:

You’re a resident of the Hazbin Hotel, and you’re in a relationship with one of our core characters. You’re genuinely in love, and everything seems to be going great, although you do have your insecurities. Your partner is always there for you though, and they keep you going… except lately they’ve been acting kinda off. You try to ignore it, feeling extremely guilty for ever getting suspicious or doubting their devotion. But the signs keep appearing, the red flags are getting harder to ignore and it feels like a test against your sanity to justify that everything is ok.

But one random night you do catch them. They are cheating, they’re right in the middle of it, possibly with another resident that you also viewed as a friend. And it’s devastating. Even when they realize that you’re standing there in the doorway and your expression is downright haunting. Your partner (and friend if applicable) immediately gets up, desperately begging for your forgiveness, apologizing, trying to explain, but it’s all a ringing in your ears. They follow you back to your room but all the while you’re shellshocked and unresponsive. You lock them out and stay that way for an unknown amount of time. Eventually you decide to leave out the window without a word. You disappear into Hell and never come back.

OR a variation of that:

But one random night you do catch them. They don’t notice you standing in the doorway though. They’re far too wrapped up in what they’re doing. You’re shellshocked, but you leave silently. You go to the lobby and another resident/friend finds you. They’re immediately concerned and try to prod whatever’s wrong out of you. Eventually you concede, and the flash of guilt that you see on their face feels like a stab to the gut. Your friend knew. They knew — maybe your other friends know. Maybe everyone in the hotel except you knew, but no one loved you — or even liked you enough to tell you that your Love (and friend/their homewrecker) were betraying you, for who knows how many times and how long. You get up and leave out the front door of the hotel, disappearing into Hell despite your friend’s protests.

Your now ex-Love searches for you. So do many of the other Hazbin residents. They look everywhere for weeks. Your former partner tries calling, texting, leaving voicemails until your mailbox is full trying to explain themselves, asking for forgiveness, begging for you to return. It gets to a point where they just want to know that you’re safe somewhere, even if they never see you again. But days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months and an Extermination has gone by but apart from your room remaining untouched, it’s like you never existed. The person that hurt you the most spirals into a deep depression and buries themselves in their vice(s) of choice as they begin to see you out of the corner of their eye or looking at them, light completely gone from your eyes, when they’re half-asleep. Hurting you like that was the worst thing they’ve ever done in life and in death.

And the other residents try to move on. They leave your spot in meetings/group activities empty. You always have a place there, even if they know you’re not coming back. It’s like your ghost is haunting the hotel.

[maenadmorelikemaerad]

oh my friends

[writeshite]

Hi there, I just read your soldier boy fic and when I say I'm deeply in love with it I mean it! So I wanted to request something for the soldier boy with ftm reader...

{this is a small plot} Ben could be meeting reader through one of his friends or something and instantly has feelings for reader which progress to smut and after a time skip you see them getting married. Sorry if this too specific and if you don't feel comfortable writing it, it's okay. Thank you ❤️

My Love, My Life

Summary:

“Actually, he’d need to have a child to be classified as a DILF,” Frenchie voices. “What the fuck’s a DILF?” Ben asks. You and Frenchie exchange a look, then shrug, diverting the conversation elsewhere. You turn and lean over him to grab the TV manual and toss it at his face. You snicker, “Asshat.”

Pairings:

Soldier Boy x FTM!Reader

Tags:

FTM!Reader | Fluff | Marriage | Falling In Love | A Wee Bit Of Smut

Words: 920

Author's Note:

I've decided to take fanfic titles from ABBA songs because they're a bop. I left the Reader's body description as vague as possible - mainly to avoid my own dysphoria 😭.

“Don’t even think about it.”

Butcher’s not scary enough to deter Ben from doing what he wants; really, he only sticks around the guy and his crew because he has nowhere else to go, so telling him not to hit a hot piece of ass isn’t going to register in his mind, You’re one of them, on the run, probably traumatized and occupying Ben’s thoughts. Butcher told Ben to fuck off and play nice with his right hand; he was very adamant that you stay as far as physically possible from him. That went into one ear and out the other, “How do you work this thing again?” 

Ok, so playing dumb was a low blow, but it worked. You turned your attention to him, mock irritation on your face, “I taught you how to use the remote yesterday,” you stated. Ben shrugged, handing it over to you; he leaned closer, arm set on the back of the couch, “See this button up here, the red one, that’s the power button,” you explained in a child-like voice.

You point to the numbers on the remote, “And if you click these ones, you can type in whatever channel you want.”

He rolls his eyes, “I’m not a kid; you don’t need to explain it like that,” he jokingly sneers.

You pat his head, “I know, I know, but when you get around your age, things get confusing.” When he smacks your hand away, you laugh, settling back onto the couch; you shift closer, “Ok, jokes aside, just type in the numbers of whatever channel you want; it’s not that different from the TVs of your time.”

“My time…I’m not that old, asshat.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” you quip, “Though it would kinda make you a DILF then, wouldn’t it?”

“Actually, he’d need to have a child to be classified as a DILF,” Frenchie voices.

“What the fuck’s a DILF?” Ben asks. You and Frenchie exchange a look, then shrug, diverting the conversation elsewhere. You turn and lean over him to grab the TV manual and toss it at his face. You snicker, “Asshat.”

It’s always like that; the two of you dance in some limbo; it takes some dutch courage for either of you to make a move. One that leads to the most mind-blowing sex Ben cannot remember; he wakes up to find you scratching your head and glancing around the room in confusion. When you look over at him, it takes a second for your brain to catch up before your eyes widen, “Holy shit.”

“Holy shit, good, or holy shit bad?” he inquires, sitting up as well; your eyes dart down to his bare torso.

“Definitely good,” you respond, shuffling close; you walk your fingers down his torso, “So….”

“So…”

“Are we fuckbuddies now?”

Ben purses his lips, pulling you close by the hip; he doesn’t answer the question; in fact, he does anything but - bringing you in for a kiss, leaving new love marks on your skin, and drawing out moans from you as he fucks you like there’s no tomorrow. Ben does remember this sex, he also remembers Butcher threatening to claw his balls with his bare hands, but that’s not important.

You arch your back when Ben hits the spot with his dick; he holds your waist, your legs around his own, and your hands around his shoulders. His hair skims against your skin with each thrust, your head is tilted back, and the headboard practically rams against the wall. Ben isn’t going fast or slow, but he teeters on the edge of both inconsistently, driving your sense through the roof; when he cums he holds you close, head above yours as he pants.

The important thing is you, and he add fucking to the equation.

“You’re a dick; you know that,” you groan, stretching your arms; Ben rolls over, arms under the pillow. He smiles that cocky little smile of his. “Thank god; we don’t have anything to do today.”

He chuckles, kissing your hip, “Even if we did, I’d still fuck you nine ways to Sunday.”

Missions get a little complicated; yes, Ben is aware you can defend yourself just fine, doesn’t mean he can’t help. For everyone’s peace of mind, the two of you get paired together when necessary; after missions are amazing because it’s just happy sex - happy that you both came back in one piece. He draws shapes on your skin as if to reassure himself you’re still alive, and when it tickles you, Ben will sigh, kiss your forehead and snuggle close. It’s during one such night that Ben looks you in the eye, “Marry me,” he says.

You draw back and look him in the eyes, “What?”

“Marry me,” he repeats.

You nod, the surprise look on your face morphing into joy as you hug him tight. The news goes about as well as one would imagine, mixed reception, but overall not as bad as you’d have thought. Neither of you feels the calling to a chapel; you kinda shotgun it, quick trip to Vegas. Ben slips the ring on your finger, it’s not much, but he doesn’t give a shit; when the Elvis impersonator announces you, husband and husband, Ben dips you in a kiss. Your hand comes up to his cheek, stroking it as you seal the deal; he whispers the wedding vows as you part and get back up, “Always.” It’s one word, and it may not mean much to anyone, but to you, it’s a promise.

End Note:

Hope I did alright, it's my first time writing Trans!Reader. Anywho, stay hydrated.

[sshannonauthor]

I'm sure this wasn't deliberate but I couldn't help but wonder is all - it's a complex topic and education on Jewish history isn't very common outside of Jewish communities 2/2

Hi,

Thank you for sending this, and for the kindness of your message. It's important to me that I always remain conscious of how my work could be read outside my perspective, and I’m really grateful you took the time to share yours.

Apologies in advance for the length of this reply – this is a complex subject, as you say, and an important one, and it deserves more than something I rushed off the keyboard. Before I say anything else, I’m so sorry for the discomfort I've caused you. I want to make it very clear that I would never inflict that on a reader with intent, and it’s shaken me to realise I had this blind spot about a potential interpretation of a series I’ve poured so much of my life into. I’ve always understood and accepted that the author’s intention doesn’t negate impact, but I’ll try to distil my approach to including Jewish mythology in the books, as you’ve asked about it – hopefully without writing an essay.   

I grew up with Biblical stories from a very young age. When I was nineteen – the age I was when I wrote the first book – it seemed completely natural and instinctive to draw on those stories in my writing, since they had, until recently, been part of my daily life. I had been in Christian faith schools and churches since I was a child, and I’d had comparatively little exposure to Judaism – or really, to any religion but Christianity – by the summer of 2011, when I put pen to paper. This meant that, at the time, I didn’t meaningfully separate Jewish and Christian stories in my head; I didn’t have a developed understanding of how they were different, or the specific ways in which I might need to tread with care when drawing them into my work, or even if I had the skill or wisdom to do that. I wanted to reimagine a Greek myth with stories and influences that had impacted my life in various ways (e.g. my link to Ireland, my time at Oxford), and I saw the entire Bible as both as the body of history and myth that I knew best, and one that had affected me significantly from childhood. I didn’t have the maturity, at nineteen or twenty, to dig into the nuances of that. All of this meant that my research process was nowhere near as layered or rigorous as it would have been if I were starting the series now.

When I imagined the inhabitants of the Netherworld, I had always pictured them as both large in stature and associated with death. The word Rephaim brought those ideas together in a way no other word had – I still remember how excited I was by its etymology, even before etymology became my big passion. Since I also thought the Victorian government of England would logically have looked to the Bible for answers when the Netherworld and Earth collided, that was the word I decided on. I didn’t remotely consider that this could have problematic implications; my understanding of potentially harmful tropes, or the need to be familiar with them, was very limited.

I promised myself I’d keep my background explanation to two paragraphs, to avoid turning this into a huge wall of text, but I want to tell you how I’m going to take your message into account, moving forward. I am really humbled to hear you’ve still been able to enjoy the series, and relieved that you alerted me to this reading just as I go into the second arc – it means I still have three more roomy books to do remedial work, and I can keep this at the front of my mind as I go. The good thing about the series, in this context, is that it’s an alternate history, rather than a secondary world, which means I have the creative freedom to actually discuss and acknowledge my use of real mythology and religions on the page; the Rephs exist alongside that mythology, rather than replacing it. 

My hope is that Book 5 is where I can start to make big strides in counteracting my carelessness when I was first building the world – this was always the one where I wanted to start widening the series’ horizons and considering the Rephs from a broader international and historical perspective. Book 5 brings out more of the inspiration from Prometheus and Pandora, associates the Rephs with the Greco-Roman gods and other bodies of myth, and brings them into contact with the world beyond Scion, all of which I hope will help to detach them from a single mythology. This series, its characters, and the people who have supported it all mean the world to me, and I will do everything I can to deliver a finished story that sees and respects all of its readers, with the knowledge and (hopefully) skill I��ve accumulated in the eleven years since I started the first book. 

I caught this message just as I was about to log off for the week – I’m going to make a lot of Bloomsbury people’s jobs very difficult if I don't hit my deadline – but if you have any more thoughts, please feel free to send them, and I’ll make sure I read when I get back and I can devote my full attention to them. Thank you again for sending this – I am grateful you took the time, as it helps me learn and grow.