#but I would also like to experience it one day lmao
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velvetvexations · 2 days ago
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i remember years ago, devon price made a post talking about a novel about a trans character. I really related to it, to the way the book described the trans experience. even though the author and character were trans women and i was not, I connected to it over shared trans experience.
I remember then being slightly put off by price's description of the book including something about how the book isn't really for "tmes" and we just need to sit and listen and not contribute.
it was this sort of strange moment for me, because it felt like I was being denied what had been this very wonderful moment of connection between trans people who were more similar than we were different.
i didn't think much of it at the time, this was before all this discourse and it seemed like a weird one-off thing, but I think of it now when I see how he talks about transandrophobia.
I think about how this separation works to kill solidarity and connection between trans people. when support becomes one-sided, it is weakened. we lack the strength of a unified group. your liberation is bound up in mine. when we construct a rigid no-man's-land between our experiences and identities, our connection becomes sterile. there is no life capable of flourishing in these conditions. there is none of the colour and music and beauty that always made me love being trans so much. if anyone gives without receiving, listens without being listened to, in time they will dry up.
bitterly, this also comes with the realization that price's denials of trans masc oppression run deeper than I initially remembered.
if something I had wrote had a fucking trans man going "we all need to be quiet and listen to the nice twans wady" I would scream lmao like shut the fuck up you pretentious little loser I'm trying to connect to people not distribute a manifesto but I wish you luck on some day translating your chivalry into sex
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genderqueerdykes · 2 days ago
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Hey um thanks for posting about endogenic plurality
I was anti endo for a long long time because I couldn't understand why someone would want to have DID but having you explicitly say that endogen plurals are different and are not expected to act the same as CDD systems has made me much more open
Like why did I hate endos? There was a few people who were definitely spreading misinfo and being complete assholes but that's every group? Endos are just people? Like all of us?
Yeah my disorder sucks but that doesn't mean everyone who experiences plurality has the worst existence ever
Anyway lmao yeah thanks for what you do
hey of course, i'm glad i could have helped in some way!
i've noticed the anti-endo community is OBSESSED with saying "complex dissociative disorder" (CDD)... which dissociative disorders aren't complex, exactly...? dissociation is inherently complex, i don't like the idea that some dissociative disorders are seen as "more" severe or whatever than others. i NEVER heard the term "complex dissociative disorder" until i met anti-endos. i have no idea where people came up with this, but why would pitting dissociatives against one another help... ever?
like, not only are anti endos concerned with pitting dissociative plurals against endogenic plurals, but apparently, they're also concerned with pitting dissociatives against one another. it's clear as day that this is just about fighting and nothing else. like, it's a slap in the face to call something like depersonalization/derealization as a "non-complex dissociative disorder" or whatever like. i was diagnosed with DPDR 2 years ago when i was in the psych hospital. i was told by the doctor who was screening me that the level of dissociation i experience is NOT normal for someone with just DID. i don't think that DP/DR is inherently less "complex" than my DID, because it's the reason i dissociate literally 24/7 and never stop. ever.
i'm glad you brought up the most important point, which is that endogenic systems are still people. it doesn't matter if someone disagrees with how they express themselves. they're still people. dehumanizing people you dislike is a dangerous path to walk down. thanks for stopping by to send this ask! i'm glad i could've helped you in some way! life is a lot easier to live when you're not harboring hate for things that don't deserve it. hatred of injustice? always reasonable. hatred of someone who don't understand? not helping anyone.
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bi-buckrights · 6 months ago
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*opens Instagram*
*sees three different couples got engaged*
*exits Instagram in favor of tumblr*
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tiktowafel · 6 months ago
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do you ever think about how all you used to draw when you were 10 was ponies and that you should still know how to do that, then get an idea and proceed to draw something like these in nearly one sitting and it turns out better than any drawing you've done in the entire past month
sooo anyway does anyone have cutie mark or pony name ideas for them?? lol
#(the b girl lineups are older than a month because i procrastinated a lot on doing minor fixes. nothing i drew in the month of june 2024#is really worth showing it's all shitty doodles lmao)#bnha#class 1b#mlp#?#yui kodai#setsuna tokage#itsuka kendo#ibara shiozaki#(i love how she came out in particular! creature :3)#reiko yanagi#tikto's art#you may be wondering why pony of all people isn't here.#i did draw her! but i kind of ran out of steam so i ended up not really liking the result lol same for kinoko#anyway shoutout to elementary school me i was SO obsessed with mlp. brony stuff was one of the first things i used the internet for#and you know what. i wouldn't say it ruined me it was a pleasant experience#i just read what was basically a polish version of equestria daily and constantly checked the deviantart profile of one (1) specific artist#that i liked a lot#i did watch some weird speedpaints (yknow the horror ones) but i honestly dont remember being very bothered by them i just liked the art#i was just chilling there lurking and never actively participating due to being 10 and afraid of online strangers (good for me tbh)#i remember having an identity crisis though because can i really call myself a brony if i'm a little girl? the target audience of the show?#lmao anyway i would also draw ponies constantly and write oc fanfics (and the ocs were actually my irl friends ponified)#and i even had my own little g5 concept. good times good times#tag story time over god bless enjoy your day
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sundial-bee-scribbles · 4 days ago
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i realized they had the same birthday (dec 21st) so i was like "yoooo i should draw them together"
silly bonus:
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#my art lol#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#utau#utauloid fanart#utau fanart#根音ネネ#nene nene#nene nene utau#oliver vocaloid#oliver vocatone#oliver maghni ai#i guess??? because that's his maghni ai design? chose it for fun and for color/composition purposes ig (slightly more yellow? and details)#don't know how to tag this... and since yuki only appears in the bonus doodle idk if i should really tag her#i don't actually know if oliver would be scared of nene or not aksjhgk that little guy doesnt seem scared by most things#but i just thought it would make for a funny side doodle so thats why its there lol#potential successor to the kagamines/iku doodle? in a way maybe... i should find more vsynths that share bdays and draw them together#fun fun fun... ofc its not the exact same day and year like tho iku and the kagamines tho (which is crazy); nene came out in 2009#but ya. showing penance in some way because i was too depressed to draw anything for oliver's bday last year lmao 😭 im sorry my boy#i mean i did do that shitty short meme video which i almost completely forgot abt but that doesnt counttt im talking art piece#this piece was gonna look way more different originally but i couldn't get it to look right so i went for something simpler#cause i was running out of time... and also experimented a little since this one's weird in that i did the colors first rather than lines#then did lines based on the colors and cleaned up the coloring after. and i was gonna add some more stuff to bg but got tired rip#so yeah maybe its a bit simple for my liking but im too tired to redo this again. i had to resize it bc i accidentally made og file huge#and it just wouldnt upload to tumblr lmaoo so apologies if the quality got crunched#IVE BEEN WAITING ALL FUCKING DAY TO POST THIS AND THE OTHER SHIT HAHAHAHEH... i couldve scheduled them but NOOo... oliver day
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youling-the-ghost · 3 months ago
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More handwritten fanfiction!!
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I've decided to just write this entire bubbamiah fic in my notebook and honestly it's so much fun to write on paper. I've said this before but I genuinely recommend you try this out if you're a writer, even if it's just for a bit. It makes you think about your word choices more because it's so much harder to edit a mistake when it's on paper.
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dimonds456-art · 8 months ago
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Maladaptive daydreaming.
#daydreaming#maladaptive daydreaming#maladapting daydreaming disorder#maladaptive behaviors#maladaptive coping#dissociation#immersive daydreaming#dimond speaks#yeah so adding this to my list here lol#my therapist helped me realize i dissociate a LOT and the primary way i do it is through vivid daydreams#they usually happen at work but they also pop up if i'm having a bad day or... anytime really.#i've also come to the realization that i have at least one of these a day which is not good fgsjh#my therapist says they're not inherently bad especially since they do have a positive effect on my emotions (if its a good daydream)#but it's gotten to the point that it's affecting the way i work#and they can last for a LONG time too#i haven't timed them but i do know they've been over 30 minutes at work before#this is either due to ADHD autism PTSD or a mixture of the three lmao#weeeee#anyway. this post isn't really intended to be a vent post#it's more like a 'this is my experience' type post#it just kinda comes across as somewhat vent-y#but that was because i wanted to try and immerse the reader into what its like to have these daydreams#like mine look NOTHING like this but making it more generic would help others understand it#the void is the general dissociation from reality#then you emerge in the dream#i can feel things as if i'm there- the sun the wind and sometimes even physical touch#and i'll stay there until something snaps me out#strangely i can get my work done while i'm doing this- i just wont have any memory of doing so. it's like being on autopilot#anyway. I hope this post was helpful to someone out there#if you also maladaptive daydream YOU ARE NOT ALONE! it's valid and you're not 'faking' anything. it's a genuine trauma response.
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haarute · 4 months ago
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something i realized in the recent years is that while my mom is a very nice person and i can understand why she is the way that she is sometimes, she had a history of always dismissing and throwing away things that were important to me, and in hindsight that certainly had an effect on both my trust in her and how much i was willing to ever share, and also just turned me into a dumpster goblin because i just gave up on ever having nice things so why bother ever caring about my personal space at all ✌️ i'll just live in the filth because we'll never have anything better after all !!
#i remember i used to have a bunch of cool anime and game posters i collected over many cons for a couple of years#and one day i just came back to my bedroom being fully repainted and everything was thrown out#same with some figures i got. i had a nice bleach collection and they were all broken due to rough cleaning#some just straight up gone because haha who cares they're just toys toss em out#and it was a situation of if i complained i would only get dismissed as being pissy about stupid things. so i just. didn't.#i just accepted it and decided ''i guess i'm not getting anything again'' and didn't even bother going to cons after that lmao#now that i'm in my late 20s i'm FINALLY buying cool physical items for myself and not letting anyone even come close to my room#and a part of me feels guilty about spending. but like... yeah no.#i deserve that 1/8 makise kurisu figure i found the other day. or gunpla. or mtg cards. or manga collections. i can do whatever i want.#and i should also be retroactively pissed at how dismissive everyone was over my belongings because#EVEN IF they were all silly unimportant items. i was like 15. why would you throw away a kid's belongings like that. even if “dumb.”#not to mention how unimportant i was already feeling at the time. none of this helped.#and i was fully convinced that yeah this is what my life should be like. i don't want to be selfish so. i'll just embrace minimalism.#that is what i deserve.#which only later as an adult after i started comparing my experiences to other people i realized#hey. what the fuck was that.#do you guys really not remove all of the layers that make you human??
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manasurge · 5 months ago
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1/3 of the way done of this last page, then I can finally post it all o|-<
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hirazuki · 6 months ago
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Hira's year in medical review:
Me, August 2023: *experiencing extreme fatigue, fainting spells, mood swings, sudden and drastic increase of suicidal thoughts, and intense hair loss*
P.A: let's do blood work
Me: ok!
Bloodwork: *normal except for prolactin*
Doctor: sometimes that's a fluke so let's retest
Me: ok
Bloodwork: *exactly the same*
Doctor: your values are higher than normal range, but not high enough to be in range for a pituitary gland tumor.
(P.A: go see an endocrinologist and get an MRI, that might be indicative of a pituitary gland tumor.) <- bless this person and only this person in particular
Endocrinologist, seen earliest available which was January 2024: *wants to retest blood work instead of ordering an MRI*
Me: ... ok
Bloodwork: *the same*
Me: can we please do an MRI now?
Endocrinologist: Well. Your values are above the normal limit, but it's highly unlikely that's it's a pituitary gland tumor because they are not high enough for that. Let's retest blood work in four months.
Me: ...................... ok
Bloodwork, May 2024: *THE SAME*
Endocrinologist: hmm, I recommend an MRI
Me: *gesturing angrily*
MRI, June 2024: 🎉 pituitary gland tumor 🎉
Doctor, when I went in for something else: I doubt your endocrinologist will want to treat that, we typically don't treat adenomas that small
Endocrinologist, who took 3 weeks to review my results: I recommend just monitoring. It's highly unlikely that this is causing your symptoms, it's too small for that.
Me, July 2024:
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#like im sorry but 'highly unlikely' =/= 'impossible'#sure it might be rare but like thats not a reason not to check it out???#idk wtf is with this resistance to treat it#like SO WHAT if in the majority of people a microadenoma of that size doesnt cause symptoms?? all individuals are different#like y'all didnt even think i had one because it was atypical presentation so maybe that's the case with my symptoms too#what would it hurt to do meds for it?#if i do meds to shrink it and my symptoms resolve; great!#if i do meds and my symptoms dont resolve? thats also great! it means we've ruled one thing out#and can continue exploring why THE FUCK my body is acting the way it is#why wouldn't you want to rule things out if you can?????#the healthcare in this country is so fucking broken#its been almost a year since i went in for my symptoms and still no resolution#ive lost about 2/3 of my hair at this point. ill probably have to chop it off if it keeps going like this#not even gonna talk about the fatigue#nor gonna talk about my sis's current experience where an untreated infection (not for lack of her trying to get it treated!)#is potentially now developing into something more serious. like kidney stuff. 🙃#(and they apparently have no record of the labs she submitted 🙃🙃 so she's gotta go do it all over again otherwise they wont give her meds)#it's okay. its just nausea to the point she hasn't really eaten in days and constant pain and dizziness. difficulty standing#but its fine right lmao#ughhh#dont mind me im just frustrated beyond everything and need to yell into my little corner of the void#withoutwords
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ruvviks · 6 months ago
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made the realization my vampire story would work best as a video game and now i can't stop thinking about it
#personal#like. vtm meets cyberponk. do you understand#it would be very focused on prioritizing... because you do play as a fully established character#but you get a bunch of jobs to take care of and you have to decide what you do first and most importantly how you solve it#you can combine certain jobs to do at once to save yourself time and effort but everything you do comes with consequences#if you ignore a problem for too long or deal with it poorly it will come back to bite you in the ass later. you can lose friends and such#basically you have it all from the start and then gradually like. work your way towards a single ending#locking yourself out of other paths because of the choices that you make etc etc and so on#friendships can help you out but they can also get in the way of other things so you have to think about like#how far you're willing to let yourself get distracted. but also no distractions is also a bad way to go at it because you'll end up alone#it would have a wide variety of endings but i suppose the 'canon' one would be the one where everything works out#because of the whole already established character thing. and also this is not real this is my story so i can do what i want#if it was an actual video game it wouldn't have a canon ending but it's never gonna happen so i can say it has a canon ending#but yeah you can play as heavenly the vampire hunter or as sun the vampire and then you get cool vampire abilities :]#i do like the idea of romance availability but they're different depending on who you play as#valentine can be romanced by both but he's a little brat so idk if you'd want that#isaac can only be romanced by heavenly because isaac is a gay man. valeska can be romanced by sun only because#valeska and heavenly are exes. so you can have a one night stand with her as heavenly and then she ghosts you LMAO#you can go into clubs... you can play carousel with npcs. it would be a very immersive experience#if you hang out at certain clubs too much then other vampire factions will be warier of you when you visit their club instead#you can forge alliances to be allowed into certain areas in town. you can disguise yourself. you have to hide your weapons#there's actual ways you can research locations or people involved in gigs so you can prepare yourself properly and potentially like#learn new things that open up a new way to deal with a situation#sometimes you have to wait until nighttime to be able to go somewhere because it's quieter around those hours. or vice versa#sometimes you have to wait a few days before someone can meet with you but if you miss the meeting you have to reschedule#and then you have to wait even longer. and some quests don't give you that much time so then you'd have to improvise#being spotted in a location can be dealt with by wiping security footage / killing the person who saw you. or just reloading your save#but if you've been spotted and you don't take care of it then that will ALSO have consequences. etc etc and so on#difficulty level in the game would determine how generous the game is surrounding stealth / time for quests / resilience of the guy you pla#and it wouldn't like. necessarily turn enemies into bullet sponges because that's lazy. it's much more fun to change other things
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cleromancy · 1 year ago
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the post thats like "as a bette enjoyer i understand jason likers just making stuff up but dont you want something good dont you want something that delivers" is so goofy like. yeah i fucking do and i want jason to deliver it
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herawell · 11 months ago
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dashiellqvverty · 1 year ago
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always think its funny when people are into a particular rpf ship but get antagonistic/hostile/morally superior towards other rpf ships like girl we are all in the same house here
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cervinelich · 1 year ago
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"Everyone always leaves/abandons/rejects me =C" is such a huge red flag for me. Saw someone saying this on social media the other day and knee-jerk instinct was "blockblockblock"
#like I understand it can feel like you are constantly being abandoned or rejected especially if you have rejection sensitivity#but in my personal experience this often comes from assuming the worst of the people around you due to anxiety#and often translates into not communicating your needs and wants to friends and assuming they should behave a certain way intuitively#and this has been used MANY times to accuse me of being a shitty person for not... knowing exactly how someone wants to be treated#and then being accused fucking constantly of not caring enough because I didn't know??? what someone wanted???#I also was kept on the hook with SEVERAL different people saying “everyone always abandons me =C”#to put me in a position of never settings boundaries with them bc then they would have an extreme fear reaction I was “leaving them”#and I'm talking about like if I tried to tell one of them to please not call me at 1AM every night when I had work the next day#I tried to ask one of my friends if we could spend *slightly* less time together bc we were attached at the hip and he had a MELTDOWN#asked one ex if I could go hang out with friends without her and she called me sobbing in the middle of the hangout to get me to come home#idk maybe this is just a particular trigger for me afjvbsdklfj LMAO but if someone says “everyone abandons me”#I am immediately suspicious that they are expecting too much of their friendships and not communicating and allowing boundaries#LONG RANT SORRY
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excadrill · 2 years ago
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snapchat gave me a throwback picture of my ex best friend from high school so im thinking a lot about a huge fight we had at the end of our senior year and wondering why. i ever made up with her after that. i like Completely forgot we were even still friends after high school bc of how badly this sucked like we got summer jobs together and i visited her at college and stayed over at her dorm more than once but in my head we stopped being friends just before high school graduation
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