#but I never want the entire bag :/
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isat pokemon au, my liege?
my rambling in tags
#my art#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#pokemon#siffrin#mirabelle#isabeau#odile#bonnie#i am not individually tagging pokemon sorry. floragato eevee ursaring scorbunny meowstic <- for anyone who does not know them#im personally a big fan of when artists mold pokemon designs like clay to fit their characters so i tried to channel that#siffrin really does have the perfect mystery dungeon backstory. washes up on a beach with no memories of their past type of deal yknow#i imagine that he was still a sprigatito then? and evolves at some point during their journey? dont ask me for details i dont know them#veryy tempting to make him an absol but ive already seen that done very well!! so i kept most of these to floragato sif#mirabelle being an eevee is suuuch low hanging fruit sorry. i could not resist the evolving pokemon not wanting to evolve trope#i was concerned that sif was no longer shortest party member until i realized they just stand on their back legs all the time to feel talle#when quadruped like mira he is still shortest. sorry siffrin#isa gave me such a hard time. like i never thought i would turn a character into ursaring of all things but it really was the best choice#my other choices were bewear or pawmot if you care. he’s so bear coded#if going purely based on looks i probably would have made odile a sneasler. but i wanted her to be psychic#ill be honest bonnie was purely vibes. they carry the treasure bag :)#never draw bonnie's hat in profile worst mistake of my life#loop is still cat shaped here but i’ve seen the idea of them changing species thrown around. much to think about#i like the idea of the party seeing sif and loop side by side and immediately clocking their entire deal#the change god is mew btw. very important information to no one but myself#eurasie as hisuian zoroark?? lots of hair. and the king can be darkrai#don’t mind the inconsistencies. me and my 2781 ways of drawing the same character#wait what does an eevee look like again. googles it. oh i really crabbed this one up#uhh. looks around. been sitting on this one for a bit too long i think. maybe ill clean up some more sketches later
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#marshall d. teach#blackbeard#blackbeard pirates#one piece#whitebeard pirates#my art#so sometimes i think about how teach stayed on WB ship for close to 30 years#now i know he was fighting and doing his part but still he never tried particularly hard and he was basically living under his dads roof#for his entire adult life#and would have continued to do so if not for the yami yami no mi#anyway after talking with a friend it got me thinking about him as a neet so there#really loose concept and this is just me procrastinating but kind of funny i thought#neet au#about marco since someone mentioned. since he was ship dr and 1st commaner i wouldnt consider him a neet#marco had a lot of responsibilities while teach was just a regular member#so marco would be the more mature and successful older bro#anyway with this i finally drew bb with tired eye bags#like this man doesnt sleep. he should look tired as hell#i feel like im going crazy#i want to draw highschool luffy and discord mod teach having a brawl on the street
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neil jordan has the opportunity to pull the most galaxy-brained idea possible by announcing the borgias film focusing on cesare's redemption arc and his final years and adopt francis ford coppola's style in the godfather part iii with a similar plot in a renaissanic way since cesare is michael corleone's counterpart. as he tries to patch it up with lucrezia for putting his ambitions above her just like how michael did with kay, being remorseful over murdering juan to take his army like how michael was remorseful over murdering fredo...give it to me now!
#françois arnaud bagging an oscar???? also his age is accurate now like if he didnt play cesare again then what's the point of life#lucrezia running away from cesare the entire borgia apocalypse script....FIX IT NOW#i also wanna see holly franco and david reunite is that too much to ask??!??!?!#we need more exploration especially when juan never had a closer he just...got thrown into the tiber lol#also juan dream sequences or spirit just to see david reprising his role!!!#specifically when he helps cesare in his final battle before he dropped just like how david wanted....yeah#the borgias#text post
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moms at the sports game.....
#olivine has one of those giant totes that carries EVERYTHING u could ever need and even stuff you'll probably never need#juice and water for the entire team. 6 first aid kids. an entire pharmacy. cute lil bandages with the animal mascots on em#falsified passports of another country (for the whole family). because you never know.#the bag is cavernous and weighs as much as a bus#olivine carries it around like it's nothing#kuya has this tiny purse . idk. the strap is made up entirely of those metal chain link puzzles that he likes as intimacy gifts#fidget toy purse for kuya when he's bored (frequently) :)#the only thing in his purse is matches.#absoLUTELy kuya is stomping around in high heels and his fuzzy little boots at sunrise#whoever put those puffballs on kuya's sash in his SR design is seriously Biggest Brain#because that means i can now put kuya in all sorts of obnoxious clothing with puffballs#those glittery santa boots with puffballs all over em? kuya.#faux fur poofy coats that would make anyone else look like a moldy marshmallow? kuya.#olivine is actually sensible (not a peacock) and wears some nice comfy warm clothing. very soft. very inviting#will he expose his gem for slutty purposes#despite the brisk weather and dropping temperatures?#always.#a toasty warm olimom with a supportive smile and a bag of snacks.#i want olivine to give me a juice box 🥺#nu carnival kuya#nu carnival olivine
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we need more ford haters in this fandom. this dude is a fucking loser. it has nothing to do with him being a nerd, and everything to do with him being a borderline narcissist who has ruined the lives of every single person he's come in contact with
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#fuck ford#yall i cannot describe how much i hate this fucking dust bag#i hate how much the fandom is obsessed with him too#even alex acknowledges that ford is an asshole whos in love with himself and has no problem destroying peoples lives to get what he wants#examples; stan fiddleford (almost) dipper and mabel (almost) his au self and fiddleford in an au AND the entire dimension of that au#fiddlefords entire family- their parents (specifically his mother who loved stan more than she loved ford and NEVER GOT TO SEE HER SON AGAI#BEFORE SHE DIED BC OF FORDS FUCKING ACCUSATION)#which btw let me just side track slightly to point out that ford DIDNT make a pwrpetual motion machine.#if all it takes is one screw loose for it to stop working it isnt a perpetual motion machine. period.#he wouldve gotten into thr college with a lie and he wouldve absolutely failed to meet the expectations in his 'dream scgool'#(a school he didnt even know about until the day pRIOR. a school he was willing to abandon his TWIN over and... again.#destroyed stans life over.)#theres so so so so so so so many other examples#so mamy#but im getting TOO mad
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i have three whole new fallen london ocs that I haven't begun to tell y'all about bc i can't think of how.
#well one is brand new i haven't developed him yet and one is new but went through a whole arc in discord very rapidly#and the third is ellery's reflection#anyway arthur william hastings is a sequencer nepo baby who#within days of me beginning to develop her on discord#she told me she was a woman and she was a sympathetic character actually and not just a punching bag and her name is charlotte amelia#anyway charlotte is going through light fingers#hugh paternoster is a surface sailor who died on a merchant trip in the neath and now is stuck here and has to make the best of it#he's gonna be hd but he won't start it right away... may not start till posi#we'll see#he doesn't have an account yet#the parabolan mockingbird is ellery's reflection and will never have an account bc he exists entirely in parabola so#i will eventually go around and update my pinned with everyone but i want new art and such
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............................................. I'm regretfully writing a fanfic.
It's not gonna be big, but dialogue has been running in my head 24/7 and if I don't write it down I'll explode. Writing is a fun break from drawing besides and I genuinely feel like slowly dissecting other characters is helping me revisit my original stories, and dissect my own characters and bring more continuity and subtlety into them.
#FUCK ALL OF YOU YOU ENABLED ME#i'm kidding i genuinely love you all#but GOD FUCKING DAMNIT#these two just have far too much fun dialogue and since i've been casually watching while i draw its given me more of a character basis to#work off of#and this is like junk food for my soul#the more I write garbage the better I get at writing my own stuff#but the fandom still scares the shit out of me#given I also have a younger brother its fun to examine their relationship and see some parrallels to my own experience#and how family differs from friendships in the dynamic#you get way more baggage from their shared experience growing up#and where they diverge from each other's mindset and approach and how its shaped from the difference in their Older sibling Younger sibling#experiences which is a critical component when they have fights#anyway Dean being the huge “I'M COOL FUCK THE SYSTEM I DO MY OWN THING” then immediately shifting to “yessir three bags full sir”#in 0.5 secconds never gets old#and Sam's perpetual frustration at this hypocrasy sends me#given Sam's entire existense is based around him genuinely wanting to do his own Thing VS Dean tricking himself into going down his own pat#but they both still have that childhood need to be fullfilled by their parents and IF THAT AINT RELATABLE#but they both tackle it so differently due to circumstance#anyway tldr: sibling dynamics fun as hell you go from seamlessly working with each other#to having a massive squabble so fast its very entertaining
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I rlly should talk abt Solange more here
My beautiful princess with so many fucking problems
#she has so much repressed rage inside of her that she only rlly gets to let out via Nari pretty much being her punching bag#not physically but like emotionally#she tries to do her best regarding her Flock/Cult ( though that term is used very loosley with postgame )#but is constantly stressed bc she never even wanted to be in this position#she’s struggling so bad with adjusting to divinity#and the only possible ppl that could even help her adjust are the people who committed genocide on her species ( bishops )#and someone who she holds a really nasty grudge against bc she felt like he fucked her over even if it’s not entirely true ( Nari )#and Haro ig#but Solange barely interacts with him#she’s so close to crashing out tbh#( I have a whole au where she does )#cosmic chatz#cult of the lamb#cotl
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I genuinely feel like I dont have a right at all to complain or talk negative about Japanese fans but like……..the evident cliqueish-ness of honestly what looks like a very unfortunate larger chunk of them ……😮💨
like i gotta be honest the concert was a lot more isolating than it actually already was in itself because of the vibes at least a couple of clusters of fans gave me
#ramblin but not a gamblin man#like there’s a point where the pretty fixed staring or being like….physically distanced by everyone just gets…..unnerving#like the train back was completely fucking packed#except for in the space in front of where i was sitting…..lol#there was room for at least two people to stand if only people had actually consolidated and scrunched#like they had been doing the entire motherfucking way through transit and back#but i guess fuck them they can wait for the next train??? sure that makes sense#like i have never felt MORE uncomfortable and self-conscious being a smap/takuya fan#he’s the only piece that actually matters at the con tho 🫰#i probably should have brought merch but i actually was not crazy about the con’s theming (it’s…giving a bit too parasocial for my taste)#and I didn’t even consider bringing gwtf or next destination merch but i probably should have#but it’s not actually /mine/ so then i would think about how everyone that has theirs maybe probably ACTUALLY went to the concerts#that was another thing tho which is absolutely stupid because the whole point of a con is to SHOW OFF the stuff#but it was actually like……..off putting to me…….#idk maybe it’s cuz i innately have a weird ‘relationship’ with smap/individual members in that they aren’t normal-level interests#it just wasn’t sitting right with me seeing hoards of fans with bags..shirts..hats..all kinds of stuff lol#and it’s so hard NOT to have a defense mechanism like ‘I wonder if that person likes smap or /just/ takuya….’#and ‘did you actually want to come to the concert or mostly/just because you think he’s hot/cool/etc etc?’#esp validating seeing TWO people yawn during the con which was genuinely pretty disgusting/distasteful lmao#like that’s worse than leaving early why are you EVEN HERE#sorry okay i could probably vent more but i actually shouldnt and also i might end up talking in circles but#he was genuinely…………so amazing im eternally grateful that i had the opportunity to see him live#and if there is a smap reunion………..#….i genuinely think smapchat should storm it#be our own ✨clique✨#(but like…actually nice and kind and probably how takuya would want his fans to be ie not thickly-layered judgment [heehee :3])#(im also actually kind of so serious ???)
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thank you onibon <3 i'll love you always
#hypmic#hypnosis mic#hypstage#rule the stage#onigawara bombers#i miss them so bad already it makes me sick :( why did they have to destroy hypstage like this aaagghhh#they're legit my 2nd fav division after dotsuhon and it breaks my heart that they'll never get more story#the fact that the haiyuu have openly stated they do not want to retire is an entire bag of salt into the wound too. pain#i'm so glad they existed though and that i was able to get into hypstage before it ended to see them in action in real-time#it was so so so much fun and onibon were so sweet during bop2023 ;-;;#they'll live on in my heart forever#7-7-cherry drawingz
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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man what the fuck
#JUST WHEN I FELT COMFORTABLE ENOUGH WITH A LABEL DID I START QUESTIONING MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE#long story short there is this person i feel like they're super cool and i really really really want to be friends w them but#its not how i typically feel about wanting to be friends with someone else??? one of my friends was like maybe you have a crush on them#like what the fuck#anyway im queer now?????? not aroace anymore what the fuck#really thought i had that one in the bag#i mean this is mainly only for romantic but ??? i dont even know if its real or if i literally just wanna be their frienf#BUT I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON SOMEONE EVER???#so WHATS THE DIFFERENCE#and this person is mainly just vibes we've interacted like 3 times and had surface level conversations wtf is happening#im done actuslly im just done carinh
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my job is schoool and my side gig is taking as much free school branded shit as i can find on campus (it’s a lot.) (like a lot. very fun past time and you help the people stuck tabling feel a little less bored)
#only stuff given by the school though fuck the random petitioners and religious orgs#i’ve got SIX scantrons today. three exam books <- none of my classes use those#i’ve gone my entire college career never buying a scantron bc people love to hand them out. it’s great#i’ve got a whole bag of stickers and highlighters and pens and shit over this semester it’s so fun#i got a bucket hat!!!!! it’s cute as hell!!!!!! for free!!! heck yeah#i take what fun i can get when i’m stuck on campus#i’m so sad i found out yesterday right after i left campus that the student union was giving out blankets. i want a blanket so bad……#i’m a bad environmentalist i like having stuff too much
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jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore
#I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST LEAVING IT THIS YEAR SINCE IT WAS SO LATE. FUCK THE GRASS IT'S SHITTY GRASS#it's almost xmas why did you not rake the yard while i was um. not around#IT SUCKS OKAY. I"M NOT A TEAM PLAYER#ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND MANDATORY POINTLESS YARDWORK#it hurts my back and my joints and it takes me forever and it's always stupid bright outside and i hate kicking the rakes and it's never#good enough because if i'm raking the yard it should be perfect right?? it always turns into a 3 day thing and the yard isn't even that big#we just all suck at it except for my dad so he spends the whole time being like well why don't you just do it this way. dad i CANT that's#why i'm doing it my way. it's shittier but it's Possible and yours is not. bruhgh i hate raking the yard sorry that's all#i am feeble and sore and i hate moving please don't make me do this#he's like why do you sit on the ground to scrape the leaves into the bags girl what else do you want me to do. i can barely do the dishes#without sitting sometimes and you want me to rake for 6 hours??? what?????#look i know this is mostly trivial but it sucks okay. fuck my stupid baka life#i have been exactly this bitter about such chores my whole life and im not stopping now. i hate being made to do stuff on a whim that hurts#me for an entire day when i wasn't expecting it okay. i feel like that's a normal response adults are allowed to have even though children#are not. something something children's autonomy etc#and honestly i just hate being in my yard doing manual labor in full view. you should not be able to see me moving around what ew gross#(<- super weird about being perceived doing anything physical) (<- hates being seen moving awkwardly and so anything but small practiced#movements are just. agh. unless they're silly and i can make them smoother but like exertion? No. oh my god i hate that)#shit like oh i don't wanna put a bra on bc that's uncomfy but what if my neighbors ogle me while they drive past i don't want that#just some gangly twink failing a basic task in the clumsiest way possible and fucking all their joints at the same time. sucks. hate#(<- man i don't even feel right EATING around people for the most part like. you want me to RAKE?? movement is a performance and you put me#up there with no rehearsal no script nothing just the wikipedia page for hamlet. i can't do this all of a sudden. what. what)#(<- i just. waughhUAGHH i hate it so so much i don't like it okay. for reasons that are yet to be diagnosed)#(<- no body language is natural to me so it must be practiced to feel natural AND YOURE PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. IT FEELS WEIRD)#aughh. if i had the leaves on a table and a chair or something i'd be better. not great but better. but all the bending over and crouching#and scooping and getting leaves under my gloves and the scary scuttly bugs and scraping myself on the branches mixed in on accident i just#do not like it. gross#ugh at least now i have wireless earbuds. used to yank out my corded ones with the rakes pretty regularly and Oh Boy Did That Not Improve M#Situation There like. whewwww#and my dad's always like hey i know we're starting late (it's past noon here) but ummm i'd really appreciate it if we could really push
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the other doodles on the same page as my prior rose drawing are her cuddling a toddler aged jim and her making harvey go mushy, truly the character of all time.. her range
#txt#rose#ill post them perhaps when they're done#i like the idea that she gets a bit more assertive and self confident in her relationship w harv#he might run the place but we know who the real boss is#also i want her to have been proactive after hugo yk.. like he didn't get what he wanted. she wasn't trapped and miserable#she managed to exercise some autonomy and bag herself a ginge#welll not trapped entirely it's clear she wanted to go away but w hugos body there she could never truly leave and Jimmy solidified that#im rambling i love rose hall she has multitudes#i like harvey being a hardass. traditional in the sense that he was a man born in the 40s raised by a war vet (1 & 2 presumably)#very much a 'men must be strong and forward and stern' then he meets rose and she gets in the part of his head that Just manages to surpass#that sentiment#ill be quiet gn
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I have been feeling so much rage the last few days that I genuinely don't want to socialize because I'm afraid I'll punch someone's lights out.
We are now under the thumb of a despot who has, in his first week in office, rolled back civil rights to the 1960s, torn DEI out of all federal agencies, forced all federal employees to return to office, flown his fat ass to two different disaster zones to trash FEMA, and made our country the world's biggest pariah to our own allies, among many, many, MANY other things
My oldest uncle (I only have one other left at this point) is dying in the ICU one town over (terminal heart disease, failing kidneys) because he refused to take care of himself for decades and was in so much denial up until literally two days ago about his own physical frailty and the reality that he was not leaving the hospital with a pulse that he wanted any and all lifesaving measures to the point of going on life support and forcing my mom and aunt to make the decision to take him off of it just so he didn't have to make the decision and face his own mortality
AND
My dad and brother have been spectacularly useless in keeping the household from falling apart while mom is at the hospital every day visiting said uncle. Mom does about 60% of the household chores on a weekly basis. I do about 38%. The last 2% are split evenly between dad and brother, because apparently having a penis makes one incapable of cleaning up after themselves when there's women in the household. And even in a time of crisis neither one of those absolute FUCKS can be trusted to do something as simple as wash the motherfucking dishes or scoop the goddamn litterboxes, which now leaves the entire fucking yoke on MY SHOULDERS, because mom doesn't need to be worrying about this shit rn
I am caught in a rage cycle, and all it boils down to is men.
Men and their arrogance.
Men and their refusal to look after themselves.
Men and their weaponized incompetence and sexism.
As if I needed any more reason to go full 4B.
#i've never experienced vertigo as a symptom of blind rage but there's a first time for everything#my head is literally spinning#I almost threw my phone at the wall when he told me to do the dishes#i've been doing them for the last four goddamn days#along with nearly everything else around here#part of me just wants to go down to the garage and take the machete to his entire workbench#shred all of his precious plants that he SOMEHOW has the energy and time to look after#at the same time that he's 'not feeling well enough' to load a fucking dishwasher#i need a punching bag
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