#but I may start crying if I look at anything school related right now

[etdraconis]

( ok so i have an assignment due tonight, a test tomorrow, and a paper due Tuesday but i need a mental break so im gonna try to write some while at work today. Quick question tho: some of my asks are old. Like really old. Are yall cool with me answering asks from like… 2+ months ago? No one has to continue anything especially that old. But I still wanna do them and don’t want to just like, delete them )

[mama-qwerty]

Hey

I want to check in on you

with everything going on and with so many of us coming to you

I want to check in on you.

I want to make sure you’re doing okay and you’re not doomscrolling, that you’re drinking water and eating and savoring even the tiniest of good news.

This may be a shit show of a time trial but we’re going to get through it. No matter what we’re still going to fight and stand for our rights and be there for each other.

I hope you’re doing okay and doing your best to take care of yourself <3

Sending as many virtual hugs as I can bc goddamnit we all need them and you seem like you really need them. <3<3<3<3<3

Thank you. So, so much. You don't know how much I appreciate this.

I am trying to distract myself. I haven't intentionally searched for anything election related since I verified the news myself. I am trying very, very hard not to doomscroll.

I, like so many others, am grieving. I simply cannot believe this is reality. That this is what so many in the country wanted. The hate is just so . . .

I can't think about it. I just can't.

When I look at the election map and see all the red, all I can associate it with is how much of the country is so hateful and angry. How many want to tear things down instead of building them up. To take people's rights away instead of supporting them.

I'm crying again.

I'm trying to compartmentalize. The kids went to school, just like any other day. My husband's off at work. I'm trying to focus on my daily activities.

But then I'll remember that red map. And the tears start again.

I don't want to be such a doomsayer. I know we're all going through it, to varying degrees. Maybe I'm overreacting. The shock and stress getting to me.

I just had such hope. And now all I feel is fear and disgust. Anger. Defeat.

I do very, very much appreciate you checking in with me. That made me smile. You take care of yourself, and maybe we will get through this. 💜

[lveclouds]

↬ paring/characters: model! kwon soonyoung x biology major reader, other members may be mentioned/make appearances 

↬ genre/aus: heavy fluff, minimal angst (like seriously you’ll blink and then it’s gone), slight college/university au, established relationship, song au, non idol au, long distance relationship 

↬ summary: in which, whenever you’re with soonyoung, time seems to stop in its tracks. 

↬ ratings(s): pg15, nc17 (see warnings)

↬ tw: heavy swearing, mentions of alcohol/mild consumption (reader and hoshi get a bit tipsy), mentions of school related stress (very brief), the members are quite literally reader’s support system in this fic <3, mentions/description of a past relationship/ex, mentions of cheating (not between hoshi and reader) 

↬ wc: 3k

↬ note: hello loves! so, like a lot of my fics lately, the idea for it was yet another spur of the moment thing. the title of this fic comes from the song ‘7pm’ by bss (ft. peder elias), which is such a cute and soft song and it honestly makes my heart warm anytime i listen to it <3 its an instant serotonin booster. this song is also perfect for a late night drive or when the sun is starting to set. i highly recommend listening to this song while reading this :) also this fic is incredibiy cheesy/clichè, you’ve been warned <3 

if anyone had told you that college was going to be easy, you would’ve laughed in their face. no, college was anything but easy, with an overwhelming amount of assignments, emails, and deadlines, it was enough for any person to go insane. though, you supposed it wasn’t all too bad, as you had a solid support system in the form of kwon soonyoung, your boyfriend of three years. 

and, when he wasn’t around, your support system came in the form of twelve loud and chaotic guys that you adored dearly. you’d met choi seungcheol, kim mingyu, vernon, joshua, jun, minghao, seungkwan, dokyeom, woozi, wonwoo, chan, and, jeonghan during freshman orientation, and had it hit off fairly quickly with them, bonding over your favorite movies and music. 

they were also fiercely protective of you, especially after some asshole you’d dated your sophomore year had cheated on you with some random girl he’d run into at a bar. they had all been beyond pissed when you’d showed up to their apartment, eyes red-rimmed from crying and tears staining your cheeks. 

“give me that asshole’s address right now, so i can beat the shit out of him.” seungcheol had raged, pacing around their living room, the vein on his neck prominent. mingyu was not much better, mumbling expletives under his breath, jaw clenched so tightly you’d thought it hurt. seungkwan, minghao, and jun offered to slash his tires. “we would love to see the look on his face when he finds out that the tires of that shitty car he drives got slashed.” 

the others had voiced their agreement, threatening to make your ex’s life a living hell due to the way he had treated you. as much as you were happy that your friends really,truly, cared about you, you wouldn’t be able to stomach it if they got hurt or injured for your sake. 

“i appreciate it, guys, i really do, but i would never be able to forgive myself if any of you idiots got arrested or hurt because of me. besides, that asshole can rot in hell for all i care.” after that, they had all given you the best group hug ever, and all thoughts of your pathetic ex vanished. 

soonyoung was an up and coming model, and was usually out of the country for weeks at a time, months, even. he was always traveling for a photoshoot or to attend a fashion show. but, on the rare times that he was home, he would always make sure to spend all of his time with you. “i’m almost never here, and being away from you physically hurts, so, on the off chance that i am home, i have to make every moment count.” he had said during a late night trip to the convenience store. 

of course, you always missed sooyoung whenever he wasn’t around, but college and your friends kept you busy and distracted. for instance, wonwoo would take you to a local bookstore and you would bond over a love of classics and romance novels, spending hours upon hours browsing their selection. seungkwan, chan, and jeonghan would treat you to korean barbeque after a long day of classes, and, if you weren’t too exhausted, a karaoke session was never too far behind. 

your friends were always there to comfort and distract you whenever soonyoung was gone, and for that, you were forever grateful. wallowing and sulking around in your dorm room was something that your boyfriend would highly disapprove of. thus, you tried to always go out and keep yourself occupied, even if it was something as simple as buying groceries. 

this time, though, soonyoung was finally home for more than a few weeks, and you were over the moon. college became even more bearable, knowing that he wasn’t in some foreign country, a million miles away. your classes ran until late in the evening at times, and you would always tell soonyoung not to wait up for you if he was tired, but he always did. 

this evening had been no exception. your lab class had ran late yet again, and by the time you stumbled tiredly out of the science building, you were about ready to collapse. soonyoung had been waiting for you outside, resplendent even in a loose, white button down thrown over a black shirt, loose, light blue jeans, and black sneakers, raven hair adorably mussed. 

“hi love!” he had said in lieu of greeting, amber eyes practically lighting up. immediately, any exhaustation you had melted away, replaced with renewed energy. soonyoung had that effect on you, you supposed. “hi.” you murmured softly, heart warming as he took you into his arms, wrapping his strong arms around you, pulling you flush against his body. 

you had all but melted into the warmth and solidness of him, breathing in his cedar and musk scent that was almost comforting. you felt him press a soft kiss into your hair, and you let out a sigh of content, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder. “long day?” you nodded. “mmm, my lab class ran late again.” 

“i know you’re exhausted, and the last thing you probably want to do is to be out right now, but i was thinking we could go for a walk along the han river? we don’t have to if you you’re not up for it, just say the word and we’ll go to your dorm, no questions asked.” your heart warmed at this, soonyoung always took your feelings into consideration, which was something your past partner had never done. 

you shook your head. “i was exhausted at first, but honestly, the last thing i want to do is go back to my dorm.” soonyoung pulled back, but kept his arms around you, concern furrowing his brow. “are you sure?” he asked gently. “i’m sure. besides, a late night walk with you sounds romantic.” at that, your boyfriend rolled his eyes fondly. “of course it does.”

and so here you were, walking hand in hand with soonyoung, admiring how the moonlight cast silver shadows onto the smooth surface of the han river, letting the cool night breeze wash over you. it was peaceful and serene, even with the faint rumbles of car engines and light chatter filling the air. 

the streelamps cast golden shadows onto the smooth, concrete surface of the bridge you were walking on, adding even more to the tranquil atmosphere. a comfortable silence settled around you, and any feelings of stress or exhaustation you had had earlier completely vanished. they always seemed to, at least, whenever you were with soonyoung. 

“how have you been?” he asked after a while, the pad of his thumb making gentle circles on the back of your hand. “i’m doing okay, jeonghan and the others have been keeping me company when i’m not drowning in my coursework.” you joked, and immediately regretted it upon seeing the frown marring your boyfriend’s features. “i’m fine, love, i promise.” you reassured him, leaning up to press a soft kiss on his cheek, which lessened the tension in his shoulders a bit. “are you eating enough? are you taking care of yourself while i’m gone?” 

your heart ached at how worried he sounded. “i am, i promise, love. mingyu made me three weeks worth of food yesterday and dropped it off, insisting that he would never let a friend of his starve.” at that, soonyoung’s expression softened, the corner of his mouth curved into a small smile. “sounds like him.”

“are you sure you’re okay, though?” you nodded. “positive.” sooyoung exhaled softly, the sound more resigned than anything. “ok, i trust you, but you know you can talk to me about anything, right?” “i know.” your boyfriend smiled, a real one this time, eyes crinkling at the corners. “good.” 

as you continued your walk, soonyoung chatted excitedly about the various cities he’d visited while modeling, even pulling out his phone at times to show you pictures of gorgeous landscapes and architecture, amber eyes lighting up like a kid at a candy store, the sight incredibly endearing. 

the late evening air was cool and crisp, a gentle gust of wind whispering through the trees and lifting your hair, brushing at your cheeks. these were the moments with soonyoung that you treasured the most, when it was just you and him, and you could forget about all the stress and worries in your life. 

and, as clichè as it was, time seemed to stand still whenever you were with soonyoung, and you could just focus on being with him, and nothing else mattered. “seungcheol hyung’s been telling me that one of your professors is giving you a hard time.” soonyoung was saying, snapping you out of your trance. 

you silently vowed to strangle your friend later for snitching. “he is, but it’s nothing i can’t handle.” the professor in question taught your biochem class, and was notorious for slamming his students with tight deadlines and hashed terrible grades out as if they were playing cards. your boyfriend chuckled softly, squeezing your hand gently. 

“ok, as long as you’re sure you don’t need me to beat his ass.” you snorted, nudging your boyfriend’s ribs gently with your elbow. “soonyoung, i love you, but you don’t have a violent bone in your body.” said male huffed. “i do.” “ok, ok, whatever helps you sleep at night.” 

he gave you a half-hearted glare, and you couldn’t help the amused laugh that spilled from your lips. “i appreciate you wanting to defend me, love, but we all know you wouldn’t hurt a fly.” “whatever.” he mumbled, bottom lip jutting out slightly in a pout, and you giggled, leaning in to press a gentle kiss onto his cheek. “it’s okay, i still love you regardless.” color rose to your boyfriend’s cheeks, staining them pink, and you fought the urge to coo at the sight. 

you and soonyoung made your way down the bridge, occasionally stopping to steal kisses and take photos, laughing at the goofy faces you made in some of them. you felt lighter than you had in weeks, glad to finally be able to let all your worries melt away, and just enjoy your boyfriend’s company. 

after a while, you finally admitted to your boyfriend that you were a bit hungry, as you hadn’t eaten since your lab started, which, as you expected, didn’t go over too well with him. “love, why didn’t you say anything earlier?” he asked, worry evident in his tone as he dragged you over to the nearest convenience store. 

“i-i didn’t want to bother you.” you mumbled, feeling tears prick the corner of your eyes. you hated making him worry and fuss over you, as it immediately made you feel guilty. suddenly, soonyoung stopped in his tracks, and before you could say anything else, you were wrapped in a warm and strong embrace, arms wrapping around your shoulders in a bear hug. 

you curled your arms around soonyoung’s back, pressing your hands into his shoulder blades, breathing in his familiar cedar and musk scent. soonyoung drew soothing circles on your back, and you felt him tuck your head underneath his chin. and, after weeks and weeks of bottling up your emotions, you finally let go, sobbing into the crook of soonyoung’s neck, clinging on to him like a lifeline. 

“i’m sorry,” you croaked, voice hoarse from crying, hastily wiping away your tears with the back of your hand. “i didn’t mean to ruin the mood.” your boyfriend scoffed, pulling back to look you in the eyes, but keeping his hands on your shoulders, his grip gentle but firm. “don’t apologize, love. and you didn’t ruin anything. i would rather you be honest with me than keep everything to yourself. you’re never a burden to me, love. ever.” 

god, you really didn’t deserve this wonderful, selfless, and caring man, not for one second. you let out a hoarse laugh, heart warming as your boyfriend wiped away a stray tear with the pad of his thumb, amber eyes soft. “i don’t deserve you.” you whispered, and soonyoung shook his head. “it’s the other way around, love.”

“can we please go get food now? i’m starving.” he laughed, the light in his eyes returning. “of course, love.” minutes later, you sat on a park bench alongside your boyfriend, practically inhaling a bowl of delicious, spicy ramen, vegetable kimbap, and downing a can of your favorite beer. the skyscrapers looked like tiny, glittering beacons of light from where you sat, casting shadows onto the tranquil surface of the river. 

“i’m glad we did this.” you said through a mouthful of kimbap, and soonyoung gave a noncommittal grunt in agreement, downing the rest of his beer, cheeks slightly flushed red. “thank you for letting me take you here, i didn’t want to force you, especially since you looked so drained from your lab today.” 

“you didn’t force me at all. besides, this is a nice distraction from all of the coursework waiting for me.” you murmured, finishing off the rest of your kimbap, wiping your mouth with a napkin. “oh,” soonyoung said, worry marring his features, “did you have something due tonight?” you shook your head, giving your boyfriend what you hoped was a reassuring smile. ���no, don’t worry, the assignment’s due tomorrow. so, it can wait.” 

soonyoung’s shoulders relaxed a bit. “ok, good.” you let out a soft sigh of content, downing the rest of your beer and throwing it into the trash can next to you. then, you scooted closer to your boyfriend, who immediately wrapped an arm around your shoulders, and you smiled, resting your head on his broad shoulder. 

a comfortable silence settled over you, and you closed your eyes, a wave of peace washing over you. “going to close my eyes, just for a few minutes.” you mumbled, speech slurring a bit, and were vaguely aware of a pair of lips on your forehead before sleep took over. 

when you woke up, you were in a large, cozy bed, wrapped up in the warm, white sheets. the moonlight streamed in through the massive windows, bathing the room in silver. soonyoung was passed out next to you, chest rising up and down peacefully, dark hair adorably mussed, an arm wrapped securely around your waist. 

you smiled, and shifted so you were facing him, reaching out and brushing stray strands of hair from his forehead, causing him to stir a bit, eyes blinking open slowly. “love?” he whispered, voice heavy with sleep, and you leaned in to press a soft kiss to his mouth. “did i wake you?” 

soonyoung shook his head, and you smiled, snuggling deeper into him, burying your face in the soft cotton of his shirt, letting out a content sigh. “you know, i’ve never actually said this, but, time seems to stop whenever i’m with you.” you mumbled into his shirt, glad for the darkness of the room so he couldn’t see the blush forming on your face. 

soonyoung chuckled, carding a hand through your hair gently. “you’re so cute, so adorable.” he cooed, and you swatted at his chest playfully. “s-shut up.” “forget what i said.” “no can do love, once it’s out in the world, you can’t take it back. “if you tell mingyu or any of my friends about this, i will skin you alive.” “noted.” 

“c-can you sing me to sleep? i know that’s really cheesy, but-” “of course love, anything.” soonyoung said immediately, cutting you off abruptly. “any particular one in mind?” “no, surprise me.” you all but melted in your boyfriend’s arms, relishing in the warmth and familiarity of him, his comforting scent wrapping around you. 

a beat of silence, a deep breath, and then soonyoung began to sing. “meet on han river at 7pm, you and i must meet before the moon comes, our answer is right in front of our eyes. After a long, long, day, the two of us meet. one drink for a day tired of jokes, the night comes too soon. stop the time, be here with me.” his voice was soft yet melodic, and you allowed yourself a content smile before drifting off, letting your boyfriend’s soothing voice lull you to sleep. 

a/n: god im so lonely :’) anyways yeah that was the cheesiest shit i’ve ever written, i hope you guys liked it lmao <3 i just felt like writing something soft and cute you know :(( like yeah where can i get a hoshi pls and thank you <3 but in all seriousness, though, i hope this fic brings you some sort of comfort and makes you smile! this was also my first hoshi fic :) 

tagging: @skyjoong​ , @playmetheclassics​, @hong-jisoo​ , @taeyo95​ , @shuadotcom​ + anyone else who wants to read this <3 ! 

[airenyah]

QL Wrapped 2023

i was tagged by @nongnaos and @ranchthoughts thank youuu <333

i meant to upload this at the latest by december 31st, but the thing is when i saw the tag i was a little overwhelmed at first bc i didn't know how to fill it out and then once i had it all written out i had a super hard time deciding on what to gif and then it all ended up taking soooo much longer than planned. and now it's already 2024. oops. well, better late then never...

so without further ado:

You watched 12 QLs this year that's about 264 hours!

(i'm counting only qls that started airing 2023 bc i didn't keep track of every single show that i watched and it's a lot easier to count all the 2023 dramas on mdl lmao)

You primarily only watched QLs from Thailand

i blame my bachelor thesis for this which i was writing on the translation strategies of thai to eng and also the fact that i'm learning thai, so any time i watch a series i'm like "do i watch something from a country other than thailand tonight??" only for a little voice in my head to go "yeah but you COULD be spending your evening practicing thai listening skills" so yeah...

You spent way too much time thinking about these characters: Pat Napat Jindapat

listen. LISTEN. i know ok, i know bad buddy is from 2021 not from 2023. however!!!!! bad buddy was part of our skyy 2 and that included my boy pat and so i'm counting it!!!! i'm always thinking about pat napat jindapat ok bye

no for real tho. i am NOT kidding when i say i have spent hours on end thinking about pat in the year of our lord 2023, two full years after the show dropped:

maybe in 2024 i'll finally sit down and write that meta that's been in my head for two years now

Your favorite show was Moonlight Chicken

it's gotta be the chicken show for me. yeah. it just felt so... idk, real in a way. idk how to explain it. i'm not even obsessing over mlc all that much but any time it pops into my head i go all kinds of 😭😭😭 and 🥰🥰🥰

not to mention the firstmix

the heartliming

and most importantly earth and fourth as an uncle/nephew duo??

i am so🥺🥺🥺

special shoutout also to jimbo the cat (left) who looks almost exactly like coco, my family's cat (right):

Another one of your favorites was Last Twilight

just. the way p'aof shows relationships on screen okay. yeah.

i cry

You are still stuck in this hallway:

yeah i've been thinking about the yank-kiss-yeet scene from hidden agenda and joke breaking down afterwards in that very hallway for 19 weeks straight gay. bye.

The soundtracks you listened to the most were:

(according to my spotify wrapped top 5)

Just Friend? (Bad Buddy)

Our Song (Bad Buddy)

น้ำลาย (My School President Cover)

Secret (Bad Buddy)

yeah. i've given up on the "only 2023 media" thing. if we're talking songs only from series released in 2023 then i've got love love love (our skyy 2) on no. 32 and no more empty nights (our skyy 2) on no. 46 on my spotify wrapped

also if you're wondering what the 5th song (on no.3 in reality) from my top 5 was that's missing above where i only mentioned four songs, well, it's none other than tilly birds' same page? which yeah. is also bad buddy related. surprise surprise 🤭

Your overall bl mood was P'Aof

You created 15 gifsets (of which "only" 1/3 were about making other shows about bad buddy)

you can find them here

You shazammed 295 royalty free background music pieces/songs from thai dramas

fun fact: i haven't mentioned this publically yet but since thai dramas keep using the same music over and over again in various series i've actually started collecting the different songs/pieces and i'm planning on making a side blog about it. i just want to go through some more dramas first before i publish anything. so this is something you can look forward to in 2024 dkjfkfdj

currently shazamming my way through bad buddy (you may have seen my blorbo breakdown about pran in the ep4 sleepover scene the other week that was triggered by me shazamming all of ep4). next on the list: theory of love and the eclipse. it takes ages tho, so don't expect it any time soon

Your favorite acting pair was JoongDunk

(is anyone even surprised by this lol)

no but for real whatever these two have going on, i'm intrigued:

i just. i love their energy ok. they're fun. and they're clearly having fun

i couldn't decide on what to gif so here's a little compilation bc fuck it, this is my post and i get to do whatever the fuck i want

(actually there's more that i could have put in there but i didn't wanna waste any more time with posting this tag game and also i was trying to keep the compilation somewhat short lmao)

they are such silly little idiot boys ("little" says the 155cm tall short person about the 180+cm giants 🤭) and i adore them &lt;3

their energy is essentially this meme and i'm so here for it:

and they just communicate so well when they're performing and you never feel like either of them is "alone" on stage (doing his own thing in his own little bubble), it's SUCH a joy to watch!!!! once again plugging two of my all time fave performances that i've been rewatching over and over again for the last 3 months:

also dunk is just SO little brother-shaped to me idek!! looking at his face just makes me go into big sister mode. it doesn't help that he's only like a month or so older than my actual little brother. AND he reminds me a lot of one of my fave kids from my youth group that i used to go to for years. dunk natachai has klein-andi energy and you all don't know what that means but i know what that means as does my mom and she agrees. so.

tagging:

i feel so ashamed for not making it in time before 2023 ended so i'm not gonna tag anyone but if you see this and you really wanna do it bc you haven't done it yet then please do so and tag me because i say so!!

and mutuals, send me yours bc i'm not sure i saw everyone else's!!!! (@celestial-sapphicss @moonkhao @visualtaehyun @telomeke @waitmyturtles @dribs-and-drabbles did you guys do this already and if yes, send me yours? i must have missed it 🥺🥺🥺)

[faerishv]

Hihi Helloo~~

May I request Kou, Hanako, Tsukasa and Shijima who are having a panic attack and Y/n finds em , They try and reasure them that they’re fine but they know what’s happening because of past experiences???

Hope ya can do it! ^^ Love yaas!! 💖💖💖💖💖

i actually cant think of Tsukasa having a panic attack in any way so i will write for yashiro instead i hope its okay for you 😭

" don't worry , im here ! "

; yashiro :

you knew your girlfriend worked as an assistant for the number 7 of the 7 School Mysteries , though she won’t let you know anything about what she does , saying that it’s better if you don’t know ; but how can you comfort your lover if you don’t even know what stresses her ? Today you decided to surprise her and go to her house to have fun together , you even made cookies for her , hoping that it would make her happy. When you arrived at her door yashiro’s mom opened the door for you “ Oh , [ name ] it’s good to see you ; are you here for Nene ? “ you smiled at her “ yes ma’am !! “ you entered the house knowing already she was in her room ; what you didn’t expect was finding partner shaking and crying , sitted down on the floor. The box of cookies you had in your hands got on the floor , making her flinch and looking up , she saw you with a blank expression on your face ; you immediately ran to her and gave her a big hug “ what’s wrong nene - chan are you hurt !? “ everything she could say were muffled words without a logic sense , instead of asking more questions , you waited so she could calm herself down. She explained what happened with Hanako and Aoi , the burden she has to bringe on her shoulders to save her friends , everything that had to do with supernaturals , it was just too much for her “ nene - chan , i know it’s hard for you right now , and if you want to quit from what happened nobody will blame you , but please , let me help you in your next mission , as your lover i want to help you in any way possible , even if it’s just hugging you for hours or being beside you. Let me have half of your burdens on me … “ she started crying again at your words , she was completely overwhelmed that she didn’t even figured out that she had you at her side , ready to help her with anything.

; hanako :

the people from different clubs were heading home , you stayed a little longer to take Yashiro place from cleaning the bathrooms , though its from this morning that Hanako wasn't seen ; from now he should be with you cheering you up and motivating you for cleaning the bathrooms ; today you and Yashiro have met Hanako's sibling , Tsukasa , who he killed. It seems Hanako isn't in good relations with him. After cleaning you wanted to say bye to him so you started searching for him ; you opened the door to the roof and found him there : he was sitting on the iron bars , watching the sky " Hanako !! Finally i found you , i wanted to say bye before i go ho- " Hanako turned his head towards you , he was shaking , his eyes red and puffy , signs that he was crying " hanako ...? " you approached him slowly " is everything okay ? " he didn't said anything , just held you in his arms , though you knew the one who needed to be held the most was him. You didn't pressured him into saying what was wrong , he would've said it with time , even though you already knew why he was like that. Let's say you went home later.

; kou :

everything went down hill after saving Aoi and Hanako with Teru , Yashiro , Akane and Kou. Teru wanted to exorcise Hanako without Yashiro knowing it , though Kou helped Yashiro so that she could run away with Hanako , because as he said to you , he promised her he would be by her side everytime , and you respected it , unlike Teru ... they had a fight and Teru said bad things to his little brother , this shook him a lot. He seems fine but you can see he's still hurt by his big brother's words ; you wanted to say something but knew that you had nothing to do with it , though watching Kou this low on energy was terrible. Teru wasn't at home so you decided to stay with your boyfriend and Tiara , you opened the door and noticed that the house was in so much silence ; you checked up on Tiara , finding her already asleep. Next was Kou ; you knocked on his door but there was no answer " Kou , im entering in the room !! " opening the door you found your lover sitting on the bed , with his raiteijou ( his weapon ) in his hands , head lowered down " Kou , are you okay ?? What are you doing .. " he didn't even moved , he just replied " [ name ] ... do you think im as weak as Nii-san says ?... " his head got up , revealing his eyes full of tears " Kou ... " seeing your boyfriend sad was bad , but seeing him crying was even worse " of course you're not weak kou ! Your brother was already strong at a young age , but that doesn't mean you have too , i've always thought you were an extraordinary exorcist , and i still think it , please don't ever look down on yourself .. " he looked at you , blushing by your words and crying worse than before. You two ended up sleeping on his bed , both exhausted.

; shijima :

( this takes part after the picture perfect arc ) Something was off with Mei after she let Yashiro and the others escape her painting , of course she's wont tell you nothing , keeping to live her after life like always ; something must have been happened for sure. It's not much to know how to make her like this , she's more calm then before .. but that's not your shijima , so that's why you decided to confront her face to face. Lessons were over and you sprinted over to the art room , where she's usually to paint something , though she wasn't painting at all , she was staring at the last painting she made before she died , it wasn't like her to be watching that painting , wasn't that the cause of her rumor ?? " Mei !! What are you doing ? " she took a while to finally face you , she had a blank expression on her face " oh [ name ] .. did you come to visit me ... " " mhm ... actually , it's from a few weeks i see you spacing out easily , is everything alright with you Mei ? " she smiled weakly at you " of course im alright ! ". Mei was in fact not alright , after talking with her past self , her vision of herself changed completely , taking her to a crisis ; she didn't want you to get involved with her troubles tho. The only way you can comfort her is by staying by her side when you think she's at her worst ; she's the best at telling lies , but she's not good at hiding her feelings.

[rocketturtle4]

Eclipse Episode 10

@thegalwhorants @wen-kexing-apologist @plantsarepeopletoo @grapejuicegay thanks for holding my hand

Of episode 11? Yes I fecking am.

Thoughts in brief (lol) I started taking these while I went fyi so they may feel a bit different from the previous lots idk

The way Akk changes his WHOLE POSTURE when Not!Max says the school motto is telling me everything I need to know here

with bonus award mention! Scholarship goals yada yada

GUYS THUA WAS SHAKING (I've done him dirty)

"What happened today has shaken me, whatever I used to uphold or believe in...has changed" - Thua

Okay so I still think he stole the diary and instigated the protestors but I am less convinced he's behind the other stuff but then WHO IS? also the message after the fire made me think it wasn't him too

Chadok thinks its Akk, is it actually Namo???

Everything about Akk and Ayan on the beach

"Mes managed" "Your time and his are different"

Then the fricken bedroom scene????????

CAN I PLEASE RELATE TO ONE CHARACTER AT A TIME, AKK IS TAKING UP TO MUCH SPACE FOR AYAN TO DO THIS TO ME

and Akk agrees, and he's SO HAPPY but it's not been dealt with yet right he hasn't grappled with his identity

See this is what I mean, he hasn't let go of anything yet he's trying to carry it all and he's going to break I can FEEL IT (I am ALSO PROJECTING WAY TO HARD ONTO AKK IF YOU WEREN'T AWARE - This show basically opened up my DO NOT READ journal from feckin highschool and put it on my screen AH)

THROUGH THE FRICKEN BARS

OTHER PEOPLE NOTICED TOO

AND NOW THEYVE RUN AWAY AHHHHH

for the record I also thoroughly enjoy all the Khan Thua stuff that is going on, it's SO GOOD. It's just that because EVERYTHING IS GOOD (AND I AM PERSONALLY DYING FROM AKKS EVERYTHING) I keep forgetting to mention them

He's SO CLOSE AAAAA

And now they're both at the protest

WAIT DID THUA NOT KNOW ABOUT KHAN being bruce wayne???

"Stop the Suppalo curse" LIKE I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE CURSE IS AND WHERE IT CAME FROM?

Can I please go back to my regularly scheduled unrelateable highschool characters because this:

Is TOO MANY RELATEABLE CHARACTERS

OH MY GOD KHAN SAID IT

Good on Thua for clarifying about the kiss

Yay theyre together, WHY DOES EVERYTHING FEEL SO OMINOUS

NO NO NO NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

at least Ayan is hearing this

reference to the armband and upholding the honour AHHHHH

oh god Aye came in

He's So scared

But THEN AYE JUST LEFT

oh he's gone after Chadok, I get the urge but it's NOT GOING TO WORK

That ship has sailed teacher chick

The breath Ayan takes to try and regulate yelling at the female teacher

THE HUG

Ayan: "I'm worried about you Akk" YOU AND ME BOTH

OH GOD AKK DON"T PUT ON A BRAVE FACE

AYAN IS TRAUMATISED ALREADY OKAY

is he finally going to tell him about his uncle????

OH GOD NO, He did but AKKs Crying HeLP

the neCKLACE

"right now you need it more than I do" CAN I HAVE AN AYAN PLEASE

OKAY real quick

if they use Akks attachment to Ayans uncle to break the schools hold on him without causing him to have a total breakdown I will be okay with this

Next episode doesnt LOOK scary but I AM STILL SCARED

Still confused whether the necklace WAS the uncles or if it was GIVEN by the uncle

Is everyone on the same side now?

Is anyone going to clue Wat in about the fact that his two besties are now in gay relationships? (Like he'll be chill but he should be told)

How much pressure is teacher chick under?

ONTO EPISODE 11

I'm just planning to react again fyi probably with less screenshots

[npdvents]

It's been a while, but god I am fucked right now, TW // brief mention of self harm (and thats all i think??)

I've been sorting of tracking every time I have a "overraction" to small things this week.

I had 5 different "episodes" ((not sure what to call them, but 5 different moments of horrible feelings, all different, all caused by small but different things)) in like under 6 hours one day, and I feel so horrible over it

I hate it, I'm so emotional over nothing. I can't tell if this is a "puberty" thing, but I'm sure I used to be emotional even before puberty and it makes me scared. I always go from hating people to loving people in minutes and it's always over small things (e.g; a friend was talking to someone else instead of me in class so I felt betrayed, ignored, alone, I hated them for like 20 minutes and began to contemplate self harm, but then they talked to me again and I was fine) and I know my friends notice. I feel like I'm being a burden on them, being so emotional, unstable. They never know how I'm going to react

One day I was upset while walking into school and they.. well I approached them and immediately they noticed I was upset, so one of them started to like,, push the others away? Clearing a path for me to my FP.. and maybe it would've been a compliment to me if it want for the fact it made me feel like a rabid dog. They were avoiding me as if I was going to attack them at any moment. They even said "just let them go to [FP's name]" and stuff. Like i was something that needed to be controlled

I kind of get it but I dunno. I feel like I'm a lot to handle and I'm so scared. I don't understand why this is happening, I don't think it's normal but I'm scared to look into anything to do with it. I already know I have DID and NPD, I don't want to find out about any other disorder, because then I'll feel like I'm faking. Like I'm just looking for attention

I'm so paranoid all the time, so emotional, I can't help myself. I say "no more breakdowns today" and I immediately have a breakdown or whatever it's called. Even on the sleepover with my FP, I wanted to cry.

I know this may not be NPD related but I needed to get this off my chest

- 🫀🫁

It’s okay that this isn’t NPD related

It kinda sucks that it’s been like that lately, I hope things get better.

[valkyriesexual]

i got tagged in that thing about ‘post 8 shows to get to know me better’ which like... i feel like none of this makes any sense and i am dating myself here. but nevertheless.

1. buffy the vampire slayer (1997 - 2003). listen. it’s iconic. i have complicated feelings about it now, given everything we know about what the actresses went through on set with joss whedon, but at the time, it was formative. faith in the leather pants eating twizzlers in that apartment that the mayor put her up in is one of my earliest “oh i’m kinda gay” moments. belonging pt 2 still makes me cry. willow and tara. i’ll never be over it.

2. queer as folk (1999 - 2005) obviously, in the late 90s / early 2000s i was searching for queer rep anywhere i could find it.  we had just gotten direct tv, i think so my dad could watch the sopranos. little did he know, i was watching 30 year old brian fucking 18 year old justin taylor on the lowest tv volume possible after sneaking into the living room at 2 in the morning after everyone else had gone to bed. is it good representation? is it fucked up that the relationship that anchored the show was between a grown man and a teenager? i wasn’t thinking about it like that when i watched it.  i was just absolutely in awe. 

3. the l word (2004 - 2009) listen. if you watched the l word and wanted to bang shane, you were probably straight.  if you watched the l word and wanted to get railed by jennifer beals, you were just a mortal. if you watched the l word and wanted to be jenny schecter before she got that little dog... you were me. i may have been the only one in the world? i don’t know what that says about me.

4. charmed (og) (1998 - 2006) i watched charmed reruns literally every single day after school.  i adored charmed.  beautiful powerful women living in san francisco with the most bonkers late-90s / early 2000s fashion fighting demons? i was all in.  i remember my dad telling me that he thought holly marie combs was “plain looking” and i’m still offended.  Its been 25 years.

5. south of nowhere (2005 - 2008) i feel like i was the only person in the world who watched this show. it was on nickelodeon (???). it had 3 seasons. gabrielle christian moves from ohio to los angeles and falls in love with mandy musgrave. it disappeared and tbqh i can barely believe it aired when and where it did.

6. crazy ex girlfriend (2015 - 2019) a show about older ppl for an older me. i obviously relate a lot to a california attorney with a complicated relationship with her body and mental health struggles.  so. i stopped watching before the last season so i could continue to live in my fantasy world where rebecca was with nathaniel.  i know i’m in the minority, but i thought they were perfect together. the chemistry was off the charts. he matched her intellect. i loved it.

7. orange is the new black (2013 - 2020). i mean, it basically started off the rise of netflix’s original content, right? i mean, now, looking at how netflix treats their original content creators, it’s bad. but still.  and i think about danielle brooks saying "so I'm sitting there, bbq sauce on my tiddies" all the time. and i’ll never be over what they did to poussey. and how they handled it the next season by painting the killer corrections official as sympathetic. i didn’t watch anything after that season.

8. skins uk (2007-2013). this is another one that i have complicated feelings about, given what the now-adult actors have said about their experience filming the show as teens. the star power this show brought us though. dev patel. daniel kaluuya. jack o’connell. kaya scodelario. it was really something. i remember downloading it and watching it on my first laptop sitting on my fire escape and smoking as a college student and thinking that i was just so deep and grown up. how embarassing lmfao fml

[flannel-and-rainbows]

15 questions, 15 mutuals :)

Tagged by @lepetitfruit , sorry I'm a couple days late on responding to thiss

There's no way I'm gonna tag 15 people, but I suppose I'll tag a few of you

Anyways;

Were you named after anyone?

My first name was chosen by my parents after some biblical person, it was related to trouble having me etc etc, I've heard the story plenty. My middle name is the same as both my great-grandmother's and my aunt's I believe.

When was the last time you cried?

Actually cried? Not sure, I'm the suppress-emotions-when-possible type. Getting a bit teary and doing my best to avoid crying? When a character died on a show I was watching a few days ago

Do you have kids?

Dear god no, nor do I plan to. I mean, maybe if my future partner really wants a kid I'll consider it, but there is no way in hell I will be the one giving birth. Not a chance

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

If you haven't heard me use sarcasm, either I am dead or you've never spoken to me for more than 30 seconds.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

For some reason I seem to have accidentally trained my brain to look for queer signals right off the bat, so ngl it'll probably be that. Sounds bad, I know, but it's the truth

What's your eye color?

Hazel

Scary movies or happy endings?

"Happy endings" is so non-specific, it could be practically any genre! Including scary stuff! But anyways, I haven't watched a ton of horror but if whatever I'm watching doesn't have a satisfying ending I will revolt (aka read fanfics) so I choose happy endings

Any special talents?

I do competitive archery on a national level, I think that one counts. I also can and will improvise practically anything small-ish into earrings

Where were you born?

Same general area I live now, Illinois, good ole American midwest. Yes, I am dying inside.

What are your hobbies?

Can I just repeat the "special skills" stuff? Archery, making earrings, and anything else I may hyperfixate on at any given time. Those things include half a million fandoms, way too many craft projects, and the occasional writing sprees.

Have any pets?

The only one who's tecnically mine is my cat, Pippin (named after the hobbit). The other animals in my house include Daisy, our beagle, and my sibling's two ferrets, Merlin and Myrtle.

What sports do/ have you played?

Feeling a bit repetitive here, but once again my answer is archery

How tall are you?

At least 5'7 last I checked, could be a little bit more

Favorite subject in school?

Well, back when I went to public school I'd always say science, but given the fact that I was 8 and only went through 3rd grade there's some room to change there. However, in my homeschooling ventures my work was much less rigidly defined by subject so I'm honestly not sure which to say here, I just teach myself anything I'm interested in

Dream job?

If I could get this writing demon in my brain under control that'd be fantastic, I need it to start spitting words onto pages please. Other than that, is it too much to ask to find a hands-off job that generates it's own income so I can travel and socialize and just live?

I'll tag... @superwho-ace @lonely-little-astronaut @renee561 @mon-sher-liam @siriuslythatbitch @seventiessunglasses @homoromoacecase

No pressure obviously, and if anyone else sees this you can say you were tagged by me, go for it!

[the-healing-mindset]

Hii!! I don't know where to start with my experience but I saw some posts on your blog that I can relte to on a level I never did with other posts before so I thought I might get some useful advice from you, I was a VERY confident person, I never had trouble being myself, and never found trouble mingling anywhere. But last year the girls in my class were all very insecure and they just loved bashing me for simply not being insecure really. So, I realized I only had breakable confidence and it broke after these girls treated me sh!tty for 9 months straight.

I didn't realize it till around September last year, it was my first month in a new school and I noticed that I had zero social skills and I could barely move without thinking what people might say in their heads abt me, I kept hiding and avoiding the spotlight tho that's not like me at all! I even cried when a teacher asked me a question and I gave her a wrong answer. It was so bad almost like I was in another person's foot, like I'm not myself like I just existed yesterday.

Anyways, nothing changed the first semester I was just confused and crying everyday waiting for something to change, nothing did. I stayed like this for 130 days, then I started to actually work on myself and now, 145 days later I kinda made things better, I can stop hiding in public places. but still I can't stop feeling shame whenever I do something like myself. I really would love to know if you have tips on how to get rid of this feeling, the second semester is pretty close and I'm determined to get my full confidence back before it starts, also sorry if this is long but I just got too comfortable. :))

These are the asks I live for!!! Two things to start off. First, I want to thank you for submitting this ask because through it, I can see that you still know yourself more than you are aware of, something I'll get into deeper a little later. Second, I want to apologize in advance because my response will get a little lengthy, so no need to apologize on your part. I love the detail that you write with. 💜

I am so sorry that you have had the misfortune of dealing with shitty people. Really. I never use language like that, but I know the experience, so I won't beat around the bush, and it's a good thing that you aren't doing so either. You've looked through the blog already, so I won't make this response about me as you have likely seen my posts concerning the similar stuff, but I can relate to EVERY word you typed and each feeling that you described above. I know exactly how tough it is to go from having that confidence where you feel like you can conquer the world (or the days and weeks at least), to staying in bed because the world is just that scary. Hiding because you just get so tense that if anyone says anything to you, you freeze and get even more nervous and possibly burst out in tears because it's just so overwhelming. Not being able to assert yourself because you get so caught up in your head about how the other person may feel. I've been there. And I am working through this exact thing right now after nearly 18 years of having been treated that way.

Remember earlier when I said that you still know yourself more than it feels like? Most of that is because you have that awareness of how you feel down to almost a science. I recognized that immediately because I have a very similar trait. The detail of exactly how long you have been feeling a certain way and how long you have been working on yourself and getting better is something that not many other people are able to do. Having this awareness is helpful, which should give you some hope. Be proud of yourself for this. On to a few tips.

This may be annoying, because it was to me when I was looking for ways to break myself out of this state of mind, something that I began describing as "shell-shock," though I know that has a different meaning, but it helped me in further describing the feeling to myself. Though this wasn't meant to be the first tip - (and it isn't the annoying one either, lol, but this is how my thoughts have started to flow) - find words that are true to you to describe the way you are feeling. These words do not have to be appropriate, and they don't have to be kind, friendly, nice, or what ever other descriptor you want to attach. They just have to be true to you and to the way you are feeling. Journal and write these feelings out. You don't have to journal whole sentences at first. Start out with just maybe labeling at the top of the page, "words that describe how I feel" and go from there. Phrases can be included in this. Move on to whole sentences if you feel like that is something that would help you out. I know that it may be scary to keep a journal, especially if you live with others, which I did as I filled up my first seven of them. But writing really does help you process what you are feeling and what you are going through (think of the comfort you felt as you were writing to me.) That's the key.

Also just another piece to go along with this (tip 1.5). In addition to pen and paper, you could do little video journals of yourself using the front-facing camera on your phone. Almost like a vlog, but you will be the only one watching it back, and you can get more personal with it. I know it sounds a little weird, and it will be at first, but it's something that I started in early 2022 and it helped me because one of the missing pieces for me is that I had stopped seeing myself. I was no longer visible to the one person who could help me out of my situation. Make sure you look directly into the camera while talking your feelings out to yourself. When you play it back, you will be looking directly at yourself from the other side which can help you rebuild that social muscle. You don't have to stare at it the whole time, of course, but it allows for a more natural eye contact feel when you play it back. As I said, I know it's a weird one, but in our healing, sometimes it's the weird things that help us the most.

This second piece of advice is the annoying one that I was talking about, because it is one that everyone talks about nowadays. Meditation. I know. It isn't for everyone. I have started and stopped SO many times over the past 8 years, but I have finally gotten to a place where it helps. When I am not able to do meditation, I just do diaphragmatic breathing. In simple terms, it's just breathing deeply into your tummy instead of into your chest. The guide I linked from Harvard Med should give you a good idea of how to start out. With a little practice, you will be able to do this anytime without having to lie flat, but it really works wonders when you have time to do it that way. Recently, and I am talking just within the past two weeks, breathing this way has helped me out tremendously with that social anxiety that you were describing above. It allows me to get deeply anchored into my body and out of my thoughts for just a little while, which gives me space to feel freer and let more of my personality shine through. If you feel yourself getting tensed up, just try it out and see if you feel better. If regular meditation doesn't work, then guided meditations may help a little better because someone else is there guiding you along. It may take a little while to find ones that are suitable to you, but don't worry if you can't do that immediately. Please don't give it up just after a few tries if it doesn't work for you immediately. Feeling yourself get back into occupying the entirety of your body is something that helped me feel more like a person instead of just a reactive "thing" so to speak. I'm not saying that that is the way you are, but that is how I felt about myself - and still do from time to time when I am thinking about how I was treated.

Lastly, while you are in the midst of feeling off or tense, even if there are no other people in your immediate environment causing this, start talking to yourself as a mother would her child who is afraid. Another strange one, I know, but just bear with me. When I first noticed myself feeling like you described above, I had no idea what was going on, but after about two years, I noticed that in those moments, I felt like a scared and helpless child, a feeling that came back to me late one evening as I was writing, and that I remembered actually feeling when I was a child so many years ago. The remedy? Remind yourself that you are safe. As you are anchoring yourself in your body through your deep breathing, remind yourself that everything around you is okay. Remind yourself that you are a capable person and that you are capable of navigating your life, even if things get a little unfamiliar at times. I know it sounds a bit weird that you will be talking to yourself out loud, but try it when you are alone sometimes. If you happen to be far away from others for a few minutes, or at home with no one else around. After a while, you will be able to do this in your head when you're afraid or feeling tense, which means that no one will know the wiser. Also, going back to tip 1.5, you could record little voice memos for yourself and play them back during tough moments if you have some earbuds. Something calming and that puts you at ease.

Through all of this and as you continue to learn and grow, I hope that you become a safe person for yourself. Someone you come to rely on first and foremost. Not saying that you aren't now, because you do have that awareness and emotional intelligence that many people are lacking nowadays, you've just become a little insecure within your own skin based on other people, something I can relate to til no end. We just need to block them out and let ourselves in.

[my-digi-life]

I never used to journal digitally, but I decided this year I would try to do something a little different. So let me introduce myself and give you a little run down:

I’m Arley. I’m 24, soon to be 25. I like to read and write. I want to keep this journal as anonymous as possible so I won’t get into what I do for work specifically, but if I ever need to I will vent about my work (very much a possibility as I work with the public and the public does some stupid shit sometimes). Any other details I deem necessary will be shared as I think of them haha.

Let’s get into some really journaling now:

I’ve made it through another year and it feels a little crazy how different I feel. I started 2023 very depressed and overwhelmed. I was feeling extremely burned out in my undergrad program, but knew I just had to push through because I was due to graduate in May. I was crying every single night and to be honest, I was starting to feel how I felt in the months leading up to my pysch ward visit in 2019.

I’m happy to say I ended the year with 0 psych trips and a shiny new degree in English. I’ve also found a job I love. To be honest, it’s a little hard to reconcile who I was and how I felt in January 2023 with who I am now. I know people say your brain fully developes around the age of 25 and I truly believe my brain did a lot of cooking in the last few months. I find myself calmer and more rational. I’m able to cope with the hits as they come and I’ve settled into a since of acceptance with somethings that used to cause me a lot of distress.

Let’s talk a little bit about yearly goals. I’ve kind of grown away from New Year’s Resolutions since I was a teenager, but I’ve started making some actionable goals for myself. I wanna start by reviewing my 2023 goals and then I will present my 2024 goals.

For 2023, I wanted to:

Prioritize mental health and healing from burnout

I did this! I’ve been taking my therapy more seriously and have been talking through my feelings with my friends and family instead of suffering in silence. I took two months off between school and the start of my first job and spent that time doing things that made me feel so fulfilled. Honestly, just getting out of school made me feel 100 times better. I remember I graduated and one of my besties, we’ll call them Rena, looked at me and said “you’re glowing now that you don’t have class anymore”. It kind of shocked me how right they were and just how miserable I was grinding that way for years.

2. Learn to love writing again

The actionable part of this was simply to start writing again. I actually added over 7k words to my manuscript! However, this has kind of gone to wayside since I started working, just because I don’t have the time anymore. I’m hoping in the following year though to learn to juggle my schedule better so I can do the things I love.

3. Take more photos & videos

This was a goal because I am a deeply sentimental person and I love looking back through photos. I actually did this and I’m so happy I did because I did so much fun shit this year and I never want to forget it.

4. Read 5 nonfiction books

NOPE! I read 1. I was fighting some real demons to get to my reading goal this year, so let’s just be thankful I read anything haha

5. Read more meaningfully

This goal basically just meant to be a little more thoughtful of the books I picked up instead of reading just to hit a goal. I definitely did this and my average rating really reflected it. I picked up a lot more books I ended up loving because I was actually thinking about them instead of just doing it as a means to an end.

6. Journal once a week

……….. No comment……

Okay! Time for 2024 goals! (A lot of these are more health focused)

Stop eating out on your lunch breaks!

I only work 2-3 long shift a week, but I’ve been eating out for every single one. Not is it only a strain on my wallet, but I’ve gained weight and I just don’t feel as good. I don’t want to make any goals directly related to my weight because those tend to go awry for me (ED girly here), instead I want to make goals that prioritize general health and feeling good.

2. Go to the gym at least 2 times a week.

I’m starting with just 2 days because I fear if I make it higher, I’m going to be setting myself up for failure. I pass this gym on my way to and from work so I think it’ll be easier to convince myself to go than it used to be. I’m gunna try working out after my shifts since it’s open 24/7, but if I need to, I’ll switch it to before my shift.

3. Read 60 books

I set a reading goal every year, even if I don’t put it in my written yearly goals. My goal in 2023 was 40 and I read 63. My goal for 2022 was 52 and I ended up reading 109, so I’m not too concerned about hitting this goal.

4. Watch more movies this year

Another goal I had in 2023 that I just didn’t write down. I don’t really watch movies instead I usually just watch brain rot TV shows that require 0 attention. However, I had a good time in 2023 looking for movies to watch. I also got to watch some that had been on my list for years! I actually got really into the whole Saw franchise and I have 0 regrets. Even developed a new hyperfixation with the Scream franchise (fuck SpyGlass Entertainment and fuck Scream VII tho).

5. More trips with friends!

My friend, Alyssa, has a goal to take more day trips in 2024. Day trips, vacations, or whatever, I just want to make more memories with the people I truly love!

That’s it for now! I’ll see you when I see you.

Hum and kiss from your friend,

[kinkandkreep]

I posted 105 times in 2022

29 posts created (28%)

76 posts reblogged (72%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mybeautifulmultitudes

@black-kpop-fans

@bonemarr0w

@love4hobi

@hob

I tagged 81 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#kuroko no basket - 9 posts

#kuroko no basuke - 8 posts

#kuroko's basketball - 8 posts

#fuck - 5 posts

#knb - 4 posts

#genshin - 4 posts

#about the author - 4 posts

#kuroko - 4 posts

#murasakibara - 3 posts

#villain archetypes - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 128 characters

#i couldn’t find the right photos and it wouldn’t have adequately expressed my love for you to just carelessly throw out any 😞😔

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

KnB Main Boys as Archetypes

Kuroko- The Stalker (possessive, spasmodic)

Kagami- The (Mission Oriented) Serial Killer (violent, unrepentant)

Aomine- The Sadist (sociopathic, reckless)

Midorima- The Master (psychopathic, selfish)

Murasakibara- The Monster (detached, unstable)

Akashi- The Kingpin (greedy, domineering)

Kise- The Devotee (obsessive, narcissistic)

A/N: What do y'all think of these? Did I hit the nail on the head or miss the mark? I'm writing up expansions for each of these now, and I'll probably include Hanamiya (a.k.a Kyle), Imayoshi (a.k.a Trevor) and Haizaki (a.k.a Nick) after I finish up the main guys.

(P.S I'm taking very light inspiration from formal psychology on these and kinda just feelin' out how I would personally interpret each of the archetypes and how they would present in(ex)ternally in each boy on a mental, physical and emotional level.)

24 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

#4

WHEW CHIIIIIIIIILLLLLLE, THAT TEPPEI KIYOSHIIIIIII!?!!!??!!!😩😩😍😍😍🤌🏾🥵🥵🥵🥵

That man?! Dat man right der?!?!!?

He can, and when I say this I mean it in the most polite way possible...

✨𝑅𝐴𝐼𝐿 𝑀𝐸✨

Like he possesses my ENTYRE. HORT. OKEH?!

I love him so much it's ridiculous.🙃

He's the perfect mix of sassy and sensitive and confident and humble and FUCK. 😩

What I wouldn't give for him to be real...

27 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#3

So, I recently started Kuroko's Basketball and lemme tell you...

Aged up Midorima, Aomine, Kuroko and Ponytail Murasakibara™️ can GET. IT.

Like, I want them to ✨ 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒍 𝒎𝒆 ✨

Collectively and disrespectfully.🙃

(And by me I mean a fictional extension of myself that manifests through one of my conjured OC's since I am actually ✨𝓪𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓼𝓮𝔁𝓾𝓪𝓵✨.)

But anyway! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Das all.✌🏾 (Oh, but also, does anyone else think Murasakibara is totally not hot if his hair's not pulled back?)

40 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

#2

Aight, so this may be common knowledge, but Sephiroth is ✨𝑮𝑶𝑹𝑮𝑬𝑶𝑼𝑺✨

And also sexy as fuck 🥵

And he's just a bit of a creeper...🙃

But real talk, LOOK AT HIM:

See the full post

49 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

One (1) Sex-Related Headcanon for Aged Up!Generation of Miracles ft. Kagami

A/N: Hey hey y'allll! I feel like I haven't actually written up and posted anything on here in some time, but I have been hella busy lately with school and work and prepping for my driver's test and just life in general. But anyway! Today I have for you one (1) sex-related headcanon each for the aged up main boys of Kuroko's Basketball. I will be expanding on these very soon and creating full lists for each boy. In the meantime, enjoy!

Tag List: @lamnwar @sailewhoremoon

Koko- Is a pussy eating GOD 🥵

Seriously, this man will have you shaking, crying, screaming, squirting and creaming with just a few well placed flicks of his tongue.

He is absolutely cunt obsessed, and his naturally giving personality combined with his slight oral fixation makes him unbelievably skilled

And WHATEVER YOU DO...sit on his face

I cannot...just- 👏🏾...sit on his face, he will literally have hearts in his eyes if you do

Kiki Aomine- Has a hand kink 🤚🏾

See the full post

61 notes - Posted March 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[pinkapet]

Ok, before I really get into this I should probably explain a few things that people who haven't watched the show may be confused about.

1. Yugi and Yami Yugi/Atem, although they look very similar, but are NOT related.

2. If anything, Yugi is implied to be a reincarnation of Atems BODY but NOT his soul. His soul was in the Millennium Puzzle for the past 3000+ years, therefore they are not the same person.

3. Both boys are 18. Yes Yugi is shorter but both are actually the same age, and adults.

Now that anything potentially confusing is out of the way, let me explain who these two are and why I've shipped them since I was a little girl watching the show with her younger brother in the mornings before school!

This is 18 year old Yugi Muto, a Japanese boy who's a Duel Monsters prodigy. He lives with her Grandfather and his Mother (who you pretty much never see) at their family game shop. He goes to high school with his close friends Joey, Tea, and Tristan as well as rivals Bakura and Seto Kaiba.

In this world, Duel Monsters is a card game based off ancient Egypt tablets that were once used for a similar purpose. There's also seven magical golden artifacts known as the Millennium Items.

Yugi was gifted the unsolved Millennium Puzzle by his grandfather, and with his affinity for games and puzzles he managed to put it together, and now wears it as a good luck charm. What he DIDNT know, is that it contains the sealed soul of an ancient pharaoh known as Atem.

This is Atem, the soul of an ancient Egyptian pharaoh that's been sealed away and dormant for 3000+ years. Since he was there when the original version of Duel Monsters was created, he is also incredibly good at the game.

(He looks Japanese while he shares a body with Yugi, but he's actually Egyptian)

These two, although they don't originally realize, now share a body and have connected minds. Whenever they get into a serious duel, Yami Yugi (nobody, not even him, knew his name yet) would usually unconsciously take over the body. Despite not technically being the same person, they share the same friends and both refer to belongings as their own. At first there isn't really a point differentiating.

A friend of Yugi's, Bakura (who is being possessed by the evil Yami Bakura who resides in the Millennium Ring) challenges him to a duel, he does some magic stuff and puts everyone's souls into their favorite cards, leaving Yami Yugi to pilot the body and win the game on his own. At this point, Yugi and Yami Yugi officially met and start interacting from there.

OK, BACKGROUND FINISHED NOW TO TALK ABOUT SHIPPING

Yugi is sweet, shy, unconfident, and just the cutest bean around. He would never hurt a fly, even going as far as to let himself be hurt to protect others.

Atem is very confident, snarky, and prideful. He has a dark and evil power, but he only ever uses it to punish those who truly deserve it and never for his own benefit.

So already we have a soft boi and badass combo. Atem is also very protective of the much softer Yugi, so you also have soft boi and scary dog privilege. And THEN you have the fact that when Atem does something bad and ignores Yugis protests, and Yugi sacrifices himself and gets his souls kidnapped.

And I kid you not, this is the point that absolutely sells the ship. Does e double down and insist what he did was right? Does he take this opportunity to just have the body as his own? NOT EVEN CLOSE THE BITCH WAKES UP AND STARTS SOBBING AND ABSOLUTELY LOSES HIS SHIT AND SCREAMS AND CRYS AND SLAMS HIS FISTS ON THE GROUND AND JUST IS NOT OK UNTIL THEY RESCUE YUGI!!!

That's a scene that's just... stuck with me. Episode 158 and the following events have permanently raised my standards for kidnapping and rescue scenes/arcs in anime. In everything honestly.

I just love the chemistry between the two... so, so much... every interaction is perfect

Also have some video clips :3

I'd show the part I was talking about but I can't find a YouTube clip that's even remotely watchable

Does anybody else remember their first ship? Like the first pairing they ever properly said "yeah I want those two to be together" because I just figured out what mine was.

It was puzzleshipping. Yes, I still ship it. No, I am not surprised that my first ever ship was two anime boys.

Like if you give me a minute I can explain EXACTLY why.

[tokyo-tower-symbolism]

A Deep Dive of the Junna-Nana Revue in the Movie, or why you really ought to believe in others more

The Revues in Revue Starlight can be difficult to understand.

Usually that’s because of all the imagery and music and symbolism coming at you simultaneously, but this one in particular is confusing because Nana is just so hard to understand. She is absolutely terrifying in the movie, and last time it was because she had to protect her reruns, but we don’t know why she’s doing it this time. And don’t get me wrong, we just had a whole thing where Mahiru chased Hikari with murderous intent, but that was acting! So we keep waiting for Nana to drop the act, but she never does! Even when Junna is crying and has lost the will to fight, Nana just leaves her behind like she doesn’t even care!? What’s going on? Nana is Junna’s biggest fan! What happened to Nana? What’s going on?

So this is my attempt to lay out everything going on and try to get a better understanding of what was going on with Junna and Nana throughout the movie. It’s also part of my series of deep dives into each of the movie’s Revues, and while it should be able to be read as a standalone thing, I will be analyzing the Revue of Annihilation in this one, so I may touch on the issues everyone else is dealing with as well. 

So to start it off, let’s take a look at what Junna’s dealing with at the start of the movie.

And I gotta say, girlie is going through it.

Admittedly she seems fine at a glance, but literally her first scene has her own acting being overshadowed by Karen’s brilliant performance of someone who feels lost after their friend leaves them behind. And if we’re being real, that really says more about what Karen’s going through than anything about Junna’s actual ability, but can you blame her for being discouraged by this brilliant display of method acting?

And it get’s even worse when you realize what they were performing. This is the play that they were going to see at New National. And from the poster and the fact that Mahiru and Futaba were practicing these lines, you can figure out that Junna was playing the lead role in this rehearsal. 

So literally everything in the script is working to make her stand out, but she got upstaged by the supporting cast! Not only that, but she’s also gonna see this her own role played by a professional soon enough, so she’ll have to compete with that too soon enough.

If you take a look at her future plans, you can see that Junna plans on continuing to University, which is a big departure from literally everyone else who is planning on auditioning for Acting Troupes so they can become professional actors straight out of high school. But unlike them, Junna wants to study more about the stage right now to understand it deeper.

And this is a sign of the growth for Junna compared to the start of the series, since she used to be extremely impatient. She was obsessed with becoming the top star and pushed herself with extra practice to the point of passing out to try and make up for her lack of experience compared to Maya or Claudine, so the fact that she’s willing to take it slow and learn properly is much healthier for her in the long run. If you think about it, pre-character development Junna probably would have applied for a troupe immediately after graduating because that’s what everyone else was doing and she doesn’t want to fall behind, even if it wasn’t the best move for herself.

But if she wants to understand the stage, it’s a little odd that she’s applying to a literature department as her first choice. Keep in mind that Seisho is a music academy and her second and third choices are explicitly drama focused, so it’s a little strange that her first choice isn’t explicitly stage related. 

But then again, Junna has always loved using quotes from literature, and she says she’s going to use what she learns to act in college, so it’s not like she’s completely given up! She says as much, in that all of this is so that she can become the star she aspires to be! Also she quotes William Shakespeare because of course she fucking does.

But I think it’s a little sad that the quote she and her teacher recite is about how some are born great, while others achieve greatness, and it’s pretty clear that Junna doesn’t think she’s the first one or that she’s the second one yet.

We see this lack of confidence surface again when Kaoruko accuses them all of having given up their desire to become a top star.

Obviously in the scene we know that Kaoruko is wrong here. Kaoruko even admits as much to Claudine after storming off from the room. She’s clinging to an idealized version of the past, so obviously the rest of them aren’t interested in becoming the top star of a stage that never existed. They are looking to the future instead.

But I wanna take a look at Junna’s reaction in this scene.

When Junna looked at her phone, she didn’t recognize the date, because she had moved on from the auditions, which is a little surprising when you remember how much weight she put into that initial loss to Karen. She was ready to complain to the manager about it too! But then again, Junna had matured since that first revue, and by the 10th episode when she got knocked out of the auditions, she wasn’t bitter. She instead chose to watch and learn from everyone else.

So she and everyone else is shocked to realize that Kaoruko actually still wants to participate in the auditions.

Although unlike everyone else who remains shocked, Junna is the only one who looks away while Kaoruko talks about waiting for another shot at the auditions. Because although this is coming from a place of hurt, Kaoruko accidently hit the nail on the head for Junna. She hasn’t been waiting for the next audition, since she doesn’t think she can compete with top stars as she is now. And from an outside perspective, this scene almost makes it seem like Junna can’t bring herself to look at the brilliance of someone who strives to be the top star of the audition.

But all of that was just my wild speculation about this scene. For all I know I could be reading way too into it, but Junna explicitly says as much to Claudine later in the train ride, so I’m probably not too far off.

On the train to New National, Claudine decides to reenact her conversation with Mahiru in the laundry room, but this time with Junna.

Just like with Mahiru, Claudine takes a look at her questions for New National. And Junna’s questions are… rough to say the least. They’re all about how to handle pushback from those around her or how to overcome hesitation about her career path. And like wow, this is heavy stuff. Can we go back to the power of love overcoming hardships? This got way too real for me way too fast. 

Honestly that thing in her questions about her family makes me think her first choice college being a literature department instead of a drama department might have been a compromise with her parents so they would let her act in college. As I said earlier, girlie is going through it.

But Junna defends herself for having such a long list of questions, just like Mahiru did with Claudine earlier. And just like with Mahiru, Claudine remarks to Junna on how excited everyone is, because thinking of new conversation topics for every single person is hard.

But eventually Junna asks Claudine if she’s the one who recommended Futata to aim for New National. And while Claudine says she simply encouraged Futaba, she does ask if Junna is okay with not applying to New National.

Junna doesn’t directly answer that question, saying she’s no match for Claudine or Maya right now, but she’s going to improve to be their equal one day because she’ll keep learning and trying. Anyways that whole monologue is a nice call back to what she had been saying since the first episode, that she would work hard to catch up to the rest of them and reach her own star!

But don’t let her eloquence deceive you, she absolutely dodged the question on whether or not she was okay with not applying to New National.

Anyways, earlier I mentioned that the conversation was practically ripped from the laundry room scene before, but there was a notable difference. When Mahiru expressed doubts that she would be good enough to get into New National, Claudine didn’t try to comfort her, but Claudine tried to cheer on Junna when she expressed her doubts. 

This is because despite their similar lack of self-esteem, at least Mahiru is at the start line and is willing to at least audition for the best troupe in the world. Mahiru doesn’t need Claudine to encourage or comfort her. 

But Junna gave up before she even started, already deciding that she needs to learn more, that she’s not ready yet. Which is why Claudine tries to give Junna a push, just like she did with Futaba. But even when Claudine encourages Junna literally word for word the same way she encouraged Futaba, Junna is still hesitant to try to audition for New National, too scared to aim for the top star at the top troupe. 

But that’s all in her head. Junna is underestimating herself. Sure Claudine was making a jab at Maya when she said Junna was just as good, but she really does think that Junna has what it takes. And much later during the Revue of Resentment with Kaoruko, Futaba explicitly mentions Junna as a stage girl who has something she lacks.

Junna covers up this insecurity of hers by claiming she’s only not a match now, and in the future she will be, so it’s not that like she’s completely given up. But even so, right now Junna has lost the recklessness she had at the start of the series, that courage to try and become the top star, no matter how slim the chance. The Junna we see on the train is not the same Junna who got mad at her classmates for giving up on becoming Flora or Claire even before the auditions because they were sure Maya and Claudine were going to win. 

That Junna would have snapped at this Junna.

Anyways, there’s a reason that is the last meaningful conversation anyone has until the Revue of Annihilation.

But before that, let’s take a look at Nana.

In Nana’s career counseling, she says her current plans for after graduation are to either apply to New National’s acting troupe, or apply to be part of their production troupe, but she’s not completely sure which one to choose in the end. This is a nice reminder that although Nana’s pretty knowledgeable about the auditions and revues and everything, she’s also trying to figure out her own future, just like everyone else.

It feels important though, that Nana mentions that she knows she will have to choose, and that eventually it will end.

But unlike everyone else who is guiding the new students in their opening scenes, Nana is instead helping out Class B, essentially guiding the existing students instead of new ones.

Although, I gotta be real with you guys, I kinda forgot that Nana’s initial goal was New National.

When I rewatched the movie, I actually did a double take at this scene since I completely forgot that she applied there, and not the Royal Academy for Theatrical Actors where she ends up in the epilogue. And while this may be attributed to the fact that I am illiterate, I think part of it is because we don’t really see Nana get excited about New National with Maya, Mahiru, and Futaba. 

The entire time before their field trip to visit New National, the three of them are talking about it non-stop since it’s their dream troupe, but not Nana. She’s thinking about something else the whole time.

As for what she’s thinking about, we can take a guess.

If we go back to the scene where Karen and Junna are acting in front of potential students, Nana is in the background watching, and it’s pretty clear that Nana definitely relates to Karen. In Karen’s performance of someone who is lost because their friend has to leave them, Nana is the one who finishes Karen’s line, “Why are you leaving?” by adding “my friend.”

Nana’s whole subplot in the show was about how she didn’t want her friends to change and leave her behind, making her alone again like her time in Middle School. And while she made peace with the idea that they would all eventually grow and evolve as stage girls at the end of the show, the threat of them growing apart is still very real, especially as they all graduate and go their own, separate paths.

And unlike every other girl in their class, Nana and Karen are the only two without a clear plan for the future. But while Nana is at least attempting to narrow down her options and aware that she has to make a decision soon, Karen left her future plans sheet blank.

This separation of Nana and Karen from their classmates continues even into their next scene at Seisho. While Karen is who-knows-where, Nana had left to do laundry before she can hear Kaoruko’s rant about how pathetic they all are for not being interested in the audition this time. However despite being physically separated from the group and not participating in the conversation, Nana is somewhat aware of what’s going on with everyone.

Nana doesn’t come in and take part in the conversation though. She chooses to wait outside, despite not being busy with the chores.

This is a switch between Maya and Nana’s usual roles in the show, since usually Maya would be the one to be separated from the group in the show, and Nana would be the one infodumping about what’s going on. My working theory is that Nana feels guilty about what she will have to do later, so she’s trying to isolate herself from her friends before the Revue of Annihilation.

Even on the train ride, Nana only talks to Karen, the sole person in their train car who won’t take part in the upcoming Revue. And it isn’t like the two of them are having some important conversation either, since Nana is paying attention to Junna and Claudine’s talk.

When Junna talks about how she doesn’t plan on aiming for New National right now, Nana stares, although I gotta wonder if she is staring in disapproval or concern?

And like I said, that was the last meaningful conversation anyone has before the Revue of Annihilation.

Everyone, sans Nana and Karen who are conspicuously absent, are surprised to see Revue cloaks fall in front of them and the giraffe wheel going by them, and are disoriented when they find themselves thrust on top of the train in the dark.

Meanwhile, the drums start when the camera reveals Nana, her shadow looming over the position zero. She taps her foot, already dancing to the music of the stage, unlike the stage girls who are frozen in place, save for the movement of their hair and clothes from the wind.

Nana prepares to fight, and cryptically says the train will go to the next station, and then asks about the stage, and about “us”. And I just think it’s notable that Nana is including herself in that question.

Anyways, the train cars behind the stage girls detach and we see the giraffe standing in front of the New National Theater, literally the next station for the train, and he announces the star of the Revue of Annihilation.

When we cut back to the train, the backdrop rises, revealing lights that blinds Kaoruko, Futaba, and Junna, and while they’re distracted, Nana pounces in front of them.

Maya and Claudine say her full name before she starts singing, so I guess that counts as a Revue introduction? It could be a reference to how Nana didn’t introduce herself in the Revue of Solitude? That feels like a reach though if I’m being honest. I think the real reason she doesn’t do one is because the Revue introduction basically states what a stage girl wants out of a Revue, and Nana’s motives are supposed to be a mystery right now.  

Either way, when she starts singing she specifically mentions “wi(l)d-screen Baroque” and “Sing, Dance, and Battle” both of which the giraffe had said outside New National, even though she ought to have no idea about that.

As she makes her way to the other side of the train, dodging and parrying each of the stage girls, the song has Nana asking if they understand the rules, reminding them of the giraffe’s catchphrase, despite the fact that he isn’t there. She also asks what they plan on doing once their life ends, which sounds dumb, but then again a stage girl is constantly reborn so I guess it’s a valid question.

Kaoruko mistakenly thinks this is an audition, but is interrupted by another train approaching, which Nana had been waiting for, sees as it gives her a second sword.   

That second sword is important because it’s a show of how much brilliance Nana has. When Hikari lost her brilliance, her sword significantly shortens, so clearly having two shows just how much hidden brilliance Nana had. In fact the time we see Nana with two swords is the moment she stops holding back and defeats Maya in the original timeline, so it’s a sign that Nana will not be holding back against her classmates this time.

But circling back to the second train for a moment, I wanna point out how it’s strange that something from the outside is helping Nana, considering they were isolated on the train. In the scene before the Revue, their classmates say that everyone else had made it to New National except them, and once the Revue began, the attached train cars all fell away, so it’s a little jarring for a new element to show up on the stage, and a little suspicious that Nana was expecting it.

But that’s just to show that Nana had outside knowledge before this Revue. She knew it was coming.

In the recap/prequel movie, Rondo Rondo Rondo, an exclusive scene added to the end which has Nana see a vision of everyone dead. It’s like the very first scene of the show with everyone lying in the same positions on the stage, except this time there is blood tomato juice everywhere. She brings up the dead stage girls to the giraffe who can’t confidently say he understands, but he warns her about the new ending that the audience demands: “wi(l)d-screen Baroque.”

In another after credits scene from the previous movie, Nana comes to the conclusion “We are already on Stage”, and welcomes Hikari. And I gotta say, I probably should have watched Rondo Rondo Rondo before I wrote the Mahiru-Hikari Revue. I was super confused on how Hikari knew that phrase despite not taking part in the Revue of Annihilation, and apparently it’s because Nana told her beforehand. Although Hikari didn’t really get it, which led to the whole Revue of Competition, and if that interests you then read the write up I did for that.

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that Nana isn’t attacking her friends for no reason. She’s trying to pass a message onto them. But they don’t know that, and neither does the viewer who skipped the recap movie because they just watched the actual show before this, so why would they want to watch an abridged version?

Hahaha, fuck me.

Now armed with her second blade, Nana aggressively charges at the rest of them, and we get a fixed wide shot of Nana fighting everyone at once. It’s not even a challenge for her, though. She’s weaving through their attacks effortlessly and pushing them back!

But despite this utter dominance, the backlight has everyone shrouded in darkness from our point of view, and literally no one is talking. And in the song even, Nana is bemoaning how no one there has any brilliance. How boring the whole fight is for her.

These stage girls aren’t a challenge for her, they’re a shadow of their former selves.

Also considering this is an essay about Junna and Nana, I feel like it’s important to point out the scene of Nana blocking Junna’s arrow without even looking, while the song in the background talks about how there is no excuse for running away.

Anyways, the first one to break the silence is Kaoruko, who claims she’ll use this to become the top star, but this is silenced by Nana cutting off her clasp, and she tells them that this isn’t an audition.

Earlier in the movie, before heading to New National, Kaoruko complained about how none of them were aiming for the top star. But literally no one was aiming for that because they aren’t performing Starlight anymore. Well, they still have their third year performance, but that’s not what the movie’s about. They all have their own futures they need to work towards, and each of those will take them different places.

They aren’t competing for the same role anymore, so there’s no need to audition.

Anyways Kaoruko calls them all useless for that, but later admits that she’s the most useless of them all. And as I said in my analysis of the Kaoruko-Futaba Revue, that uselessness is referring to her refusal to move onto the next stage.

And don’t get me wrong, Kaoruko was lashing out from a place of hurt, so she didn’t actually have a point, but literally no one here is ready to move onto the next stage. None of them are actually ready to confront their insecurities, so they are holding themselves back from their full potential.

So that’s what Nana means when she says this isn’t an audition.

In Revue Starlight, the auditions were meant to steal glimmer from the other stage girls to use as fuel so the top star could get to their stage of destiny, but this isn’t an audition. The Giraffe isn’t watching the Revue of Annihilation, and there’s no rankings here either.

After the Revue, the giraffe has a scene where he says that he is their food, their fuel. And he meant that literally, seeing as the giraffe is made of various vegetables and fruit, including that tomato that each of them will use as fuel to get to the next stage. So as a result, this time they don’t need to steal from each other in order to get to their next stage.

Basically when Nana says that this isn’t an audition, she’s refuting Kaoruko’s idea that they should still be aiming for the top star in the Starlight Play, instead they need to find a new goal. But literally this entire Revue is showing that everyone lost their edge, so we know that none of them have actually found that new goal yet.

Also it sort of hints at the nature of future Revues, with Position Zero no longer being the goal, and the former rules of the auditions no longer applying.

And I just want to mention that in the background, Nana sings that even if you step off, you are still on stage, and that’s important later because Maya says that she is always on stage if the audience desire it at the end of the Revue, and Maya is also the only one who doesn’t get defeated by Nana, so clearly Nana has a point here.

This philosophy is that none of them can half ass being a stage girl. They can’t just take a break. The need to be in 100% on being a stage girl, or give up. There is no middle ground.

Another important line that Nana sings in the background happens when she throws her sword at Junna, and in the background Nana sings that you can’t just get by with words alone. Plus there was also that line about being all bark and not bite, essentially talking big but not delivering.

I swear it’s like this song’s lyrics are targeted at Junna specifically.

Anyways, then Nana manages to cut the cloaks off of Futaba and Mahiru simultaneously, and repeats that this isn’t an audition. This is because Mahiru and Futaba had been attacking her, trying to cut the clasp off like in an audition, but that’s not how they were supposed to beat Nana in this revue. Just defeating Nana wouldn’t do anything for them, since they’d be in the exact same headspace they were before. In order to beat Nana here, they’d have to be confident in their next stage, but neither of them actually think they can get into New National, which is why both of them lose to Nana.

Anyways, after seeing this impressive display, Junna can’t bring herself to try and fight, or even perform. And this is reflected in the Revue as the music slows and the train goes through a tunnel which blocks the stage lights. At this point, Nana doesn’t even need to run anymore. She just picks up the sword she threw earlier and easily cuts Junna's cloak without a second glance at her.

And when Junna falls to her knees, all she can say is that she doesn’t know this Nana, but Nana ignores her and has already moved on to her next opponents.

And this sucks for Junna. I mean don’t get me wrong, giving up without a fight is pretty tragic for her sure, but that line also calls back to that night after Nana lost to Karen where Junna comforted her.

Initially when Nana tells Junna about repeating the year (time loops, not being held back), Nana remarks that the Junna she knew isn’t called Junjun, introducing this recurring idea for the two of them. Anyways, as is natural when your roommate tells you that they are responsible for putting everyone in a time loop, Junna is completely lost and can’t say anything, exactly like Junna on the train.

Anyways, after Nana loses to Karen, Junna finds Nana again, and Junna doesn’t blame Nana. She says that Nana was trying to protect them, and was well intentioned at the very least. Anyways, during that conversation, Junna complains that she doesn’t know anything about Nana, but by the end of the conversation realizes that Nana is a real stage girl, and that she’s a scardy-cat and a crybaby, like a kid.

And don’t get me wrong, Nana is exactly that, but that’s not all she is.

On the day that Nana faces Karen, Nana mentions that she and Junna haven’t faced each other in a Revue yet. And the next day is when Claudine and Maya fight Hikari and Karen, which means that Junna has never fought Nana before the Revue of Annihilation.

So even though Junna thought that she understood Nana best, it must have come as a shock to her to see Nana like a completely different person. She’s just as lost now as she was when Nana told Junna about the time loops.

Anyways, like Nana, let’s ignore Junna and get back to the action.

The music kicks up again when they leave the tunnel and the train is out in the city, and Nana asks Claudine and Maya the question from earlier, about how the train will reach the next station, but what about the stage, what about them?

Claudine is confused, but Maya says that if the stage and the audience ask for it, she is already on stage.

At this moment, Nana knows that she can’t beat Maya in this Revue, since Maya came to the answer that Nana was trying to get them all to reach. Maya has the wrong idea of her next stage, as we see in Maya and Claudine’s upcoming Revue, but it’s a goal she decided on and she’s wholeheartedly working towards it, so that’s enough. 

And as if to physically show this difference between Maya and the rest of them, the train enters the tunnel again, and blankets Nana and the stage girls she defeated in darkness.

But Claudine, like the rest of us, has no idea what the two are talking about, and isn’t in sync with Nana and Maya who approach each other simultaneously, and is thus ignored. In anger, Claudine charges at Nana, who swipes at her but ultimately goes past her, to lock blades with Maya, who she is evenly matched with. And while Nana couldn’t say anything in response to Maya earlier, she does shut down Claudine for being a bit too talkative.

And the moment Nana and Maya separate is the moment Claudine’s cloak falls off. And the clasp falling off is timed with Nana reaching position zero, because she had finished what she came here to do.

Now that the play-by-play is done, can I just take a moment to say how cool Nana was this entire Revue? Like that thing she does at the end with her hair? Completely badass. 10/10. Absolutely terrifying and I love it.

I’ve been holding it in till now, but oh my god she’s so cool! Like she was completely destroying them and she made it look effortless! And these are like the top students at the top academy! Did you guys see the grace with which she dodges and weaves! Like don’t get me wrong, in the show she had that powerful presence, but there’s only so much of her skill you can convey if you only show her swinging her sword down really hard. Meanwhile this fight choreography undeniably shows the Nana who could beat Tendou Maya countless times for her time loops. And she just makes it look so easy! Like I get that everyone was nerfed because they had no clear idea of their goals or conviction in this revue, but still!

She’s just so awesome. Plus it makes it even funnier that they all call her Banana. Am I really supposed to take her seriously with a name like that? Because I will. Again, she is just that cool.

Anyways, back to the analysis. 

It’s silent for a bit as they all try to process what happened, until Nana says that she feels like she was drunk. But she has to repeat herself a couple times because she speaking softly and the train is loud so no one can actually hear her, but eventually she speaks up so everyone else can hear her.

Anyways Junna points out that they’re minors so they can’t drink. (Don’t tell her about Kaoruko taking a bath in champagne later in the movie. Or the drinking age in France.)

But she’s right, Nana doesn’t know what it feels like to drink strong sake. Instead, Nana’s just playing a character who has. She’s acting. But because Junna refused to act in response, blood tomato juice sprouts from her neck. After all, a stage girl refusing to act is essentially death for them.

Everyone is overreacting to the blood tomato juice that’s gotten everywhere, except for Maya who points out that it’s a prop, because as the only one who wasn’t “killed” by Nana, she’s the only one with an objective view of the stage as she isn’t as affected as the rest of them due to their collective loss to Nana.

As a stage girl, Maya is the farthest from death currently.

Speaking of Nana, she’s not looking at any of them. She’s doing that pose from when she won the Revues in her time loops, where she’s enchanted by that dazzling light. And I’ll talk about this later in the actual Revue, but it’s not a good sign that there’s something else dazzling enough to make Nana not pay attention to them. 

Anyways, Nana’s train car separates from the others, leaving them standing still as she goes off into the distance. Nana repeats her question from throughout the Revue, “What about the stage, what about us?” Only this time she answers, that they are all already dead.

I think it’s interesting that she's including herself in that, because if you remember from her career plan, she isn’t sure about her next stage either. She’s still trying to decide if she wants to stand on stage or create a stage. 

She isn’t already on stage like Maya.

Anyways, while everyone is left behind and standing still, Kaoruko tastes the blood and says that it’s tasty, implying that it’s actually tomato juice, which we later see is the fuel that they need to go to the next stage.

Either that or this was her cannibal awakening.

We next see Nana and Karen riding the train car together alone. Their conversation is mostly about Karen, so I’m probably gonna talk about this scene whenever I get to Karen-Hikari Revue deep dive, but I just want to point out how tired Nana is in the scene. She’s not cold or overbearing like in the Revue of Annihilation, but she doesn’t have that usual friendly, reliable Banana energy either. She sounds mournful when she talks about everyone going their own way, to their own stage, their own roles. And while she tells Karen to find her own stage at the end of the path, Nana gets off the train, claiming she has to go back.

So after those heartbreaking scenes of utter confusion and loss, it’s time to party!

The kick off party for the 101th Production of Starlight is a blast and everyone is happy, except for the stage girls who Nana beat, who are all sitting in darkness. Junna in particular is sitting at the gazebo they usually hang out at, where Nana usually gave them snacks. Nana meanwhile, is nowhere to be seen.

Anyways if you wanna know why I love this scene, check out the section in the Mahiru-Hikari Revue essay since I don’t wanna write it all out again, but what you need to know from this is that this is the moment where everyone realizes it’s okay that they don’t know what they’re doing. No one has all the answers and everyone is incomplete. But they aren’t alone, and their friends can help them figure it out along the way.

Also we finally see where Nana is, because she was helping set up the stage. It’s a little strange that she’s alone though, because setting up that tower required a coordinated effort from the members of Class B.

Anyways, Nana mentions how the time for snacks is over, and instead they need to hunger for a new stage. This is similar to what Nana said to Karen earlier in the train car alone, but unlike Karen, Nana says that everyone else is already seeking that new stage.

Also it feels targeted at Junna, considering she’s the one who is at the gazebo where they always ate those snacks. And if you also consider how Junna is settling for a smaller stage so she can take it step by step and slowly get better, instead of ravenously clawing for the top like she did before.

This eventually leads all of them back to the top of the train car where Nana utterly demolished them.

It’s not clear if Nana is doing a monologue or talking to her classmates, either at the kick off party or the following scene on the train, but Nana reveals that, as seen at the end of Rondo Rondo Rondo, she saw a vision of all of their deaths.

I’m gonna be real, so much of my confusion could have been solved if I had just watched the Rondo Rondo Rondo exclusive scenes. I’m fuming.

Anyways, regardless of who she was talking to, everyone faces their corpses as dead stage girls. None of them are wearing their clasps or jackets, since it’s all in a bloodsoaked tomato juice soaked pile in the corner. They have been defeated. Also, they give off a packaged doll vibe if you ask me, considering how they have the bodies and the accessories neatly laid out, if you ignore all the tomato juice. But the thing about dolls is that they can’t move on their own. They can’t act.

Also the reason they aren’t wearing shoes is because it’s a cultural thing to take off your shoes when you commit suicide, meaning the stage girl corpses weren’t defeated in a Revue, but chose to die. After all, losing an audition doesn’t mean you can’t try again. The only way for a stage girl to stay dead is if they choose not to act, choose not to live. (Apologies to the Futaba-Kaoruko Revue Deep Dive, the curtains were not just blue apparently.)

But yeah, this is a vision of what they could be if they decide they don’t want to be stage girls, which is a perfectly valid path for them. After all, they’re just high schoolers, they have their whole life ahead of them. They can find a new dream to pursue.

But if they want to be a stage girl, they have to go all in on it. Just like what Nana sang on the train, they need to be ready to always be on stage.

So after finding a new resolve at the Kick off Party, the stage girls all face their failures and they all choose to get back on stage. This includes Nana, which is a little surprising considering she didn’t really fail or learn anything new from the Revue of Annihilation, but I guess it makes sense considering she’s in the same boat as everyone else about graduation. 

Okay, I take that back, she probably learned one thing from the Revue of Annihilation, and it’s that Junna is no longer fit to be a stage girl.

Nana saw that Junna no longer had that same ambition that she had last year. Instead of aiming for the top, Junna had essentially given up before she even started. She refused to apply to New National, thinking she wasn’t on par with Maya. She even refused to fight Nana once the gap in skills became apparent! It’s not for nothing that Junna was the first one to “die” on the train.

Nana initially put them all in the time loop to protect them. And the first real shock that made her go down that path was seeing that two of her classmates dropped out of Seisho. And now it looks like Junna is going down that same road.

So Nana resolves to go back into her own role, to the obsession of that girl, to seeing to her end. But for those last 2, the camera shows Junna instead of Nana, making it unclear if she was talking about her own obsession with the past and the end of that, or Junna’s obsession with one day finding her star and the end of that. Probably a little bit of both if you ask me.

Meanwhile Junna is completely lost. She doesn’t know what Nana’s talking about putting an end to. Unlike everyone else who properly faces their stage girl corpse, the shot of Junna barely has it in frame. And this checks out if you see them facing the corpses as acknowledging their failures so they can find out what they need for the future. After this scene, everyone other than Junna knows what they want from their upcoming Revue.

It’s also interesting to compare it to the shot of Nana looking at her stage girl corpse, since Nana herself is barely in the frame. Unlike Junna, who doesn’t know what she’s doing wrong, since she’s not aware that she’s basically given up on being the top star, Nana is very aware of what she’s doing wrong. She’s been very withdrawn and isolated from her friends because she knows that what she did and what she’s about to do will hurt them.

Nonetheless, the two of them both choose to take a bite of the tomato, and accept the fuel so they can reach the next stage. After all, they chose to be stage girls. They are already on the stage.

The Revue opens with Junna rising from a platform, still confused from earlier. She doesn’t know what needs to be put an end to, or with who.

It’s a little odd for Junna to not realize she’s gonna be fighting Nana though, but she’s been through a lot in the past couple of hours, so I’m not gonna blame her too much.

The set of the stage is Seisho Academy, with two giant katanas hanging from the ceiling along with a projector that displays Daiba Film Co., Ltd on a screen.

Honestly, Junna’s entrance here almost mirrors Hikari’s from the Revue of Competition. They were both confused once they got to the stage, unlike their opponent who was expecting them and has complete control of the stage. But unlike Mahiru, who was welcoming initially, Nana isn’t nearly as kind.

Earlier I said that Junna and Claudine’s conversation on the train was the last meaningful moment before Revue of Annihilation, and the reason for that was because that conversation was what pushed Nana to start the previous Revue.

A projection of Junna during that conversation is displayed, and she says “As I am right now, I don’t have enough experience or practice. I don’t even have the resolve to stand on stage”. But what Junna had actually said at the time was “I’m no match for people like Tendo-san, or you” to Claudine.

Basically what I’m trying to say here is that Nana’s whole basis for this Revue is flawed.

Don’t get me wrong, Junna definitely lost faith in herself and her abilities. She isn’t aiming nearly as high as she should be. But it’s a mischaracterization on Nana’s end to think she doesn’t have the resolve. After all, Junna took a bite of that tomato. She’s willing to use it as fuel so she can get to the next stage.

Junna has always had this attitude towards Maya and Claudine. In her second Revue with Karen, we see that Junna saw herself in the audience, or as one in the crowd, unlike Maya, Claudine, and the other top stars who shone on stage. She was always aware of this gap in their abilities. That was why she worked so hard to catch up and surpass them. So that one day she could find her own star.

But Nana’s not completely wrong though. When Junna watched Maya and Claudine's Revue against Hikari and Karen, she was watching intensely and saying that she can’t let them defeat her. But now Junna is saying that she’s no match for them?

And that’s why the second part of the memory is accurate when Junna says that what she said before was “just for now!” Because while Junna believes in her future, Nana does not. When Claudine and her teacher asked about Junna’s future plans, she was always hopeful for her future, but to Nana, it just sounds like an excuse, and she says as much when she enters the Revue. After all, Nana saw how time passing eroded Junna’s ambitions as a Stage girl, seeing as Junna went from someone who would challenge the top stars to someone who gave up before she even tried.

Just like Mahiru in the last Revue, Nana also enters the Revue and immediately opens with her Revue Introduction, since she already knows what she wants out of this Revue.

Unlike her initial introduction with Karen, when Nana talked about how it was her duty to protect the fragile fruits that were her classmates, this time she refers to Junna as an ugly fruit that’s ashamed to live. And while she considered her classmates to be unripened fruits hanging from the tree before, she now sees Junna as an overripe fruit that will fall to the ground since the branch can no longer support its weight.

Because as Nana sees it, Junna gave up. She used to reach out for her dream despite how unlikely it was, but she’s lost that drive. And if Junna never tries, she’ll never get anywhere. Instead she’ll just keep futilely chasing her dream, hoping, waiting for it to come to her some day, but it never will.

Junna’s a lot like how Karen was before her first Revue with Maya, as she’s just spinning her wheels, hoping that her feelings will eventually bridge the gap in abilities between her and those who have been trying to reach the top star long before she started.

If Junna keeps going as she is now, she’ll never succeed. So at this point, it’s basically a mercy for Nana to stop Junna from continuing as a stage girl. It’ll hurt now, but it’ll save Junna from the constant pain of constantly failing to achieve her dream in the future.

Of course this is all just Nana’s opinion.

But that’s why Nana’s here. Her introduction says as much, that she’ll offer Junna a beautiful end, instead of a long, painful, drawn out one.

Unlike everyone else, Nana’s end goal here isn’t to find her own stage or determine her own future, but instead to end Junna’s future as a stage girl, to get her off the stage.

This is reflected in the outfits they are wearing. It’s some kind of military uniform, and I’m gonna be real, I do not feel like looking up the specific branch of the military or what time period they are from. If I had to guess based on my gut feeling, I’d say Nana is an army officer and Nana is either a navy or airforce officer, but it really doesn’t matter right now. What does matter is what they are doing.

Their poses resemble seppuku, or the Samurai ritual of suicide. Junna is kneeling with a blade in front of her, and she’s supposed to use that to stab herself in the gut. And in order to make sure Junna doesn’t suffer a slow death from blood tomato juice loss, Nana is supposed to decapitate her once she does that to end it quickly.

As I mentioned earlier, the corpse of the stage girls on the train weren’t wearing shoes, implying they committed suicide. That’s because the only way for a stage girl to truly die is when she chooses to no longer act. Nana beating Junna in this Revue wouldn’t actually achieve anything, since Junna could just decide to get back on stage again à la Karen.

The only way to achieve Nana’s objective is for Junna to give up being a stage girl of her own free will.

It’s also interesting how they are awash in a red light that references first Junna’s Revue, when Junna had Hikari pinned with her arrows and there was a red spotlight on her. Only this time, Junna is the one who is trapped and unable to move.

Anyways, we get a close up of Junna’s eyes panicking because she’s in a very high stakes situation all of a sudden, when Nana’s sword swings down, smashing the tomato underneath Junna’s discarded cap.

Nana is trying to cut off Junna’s path to the future as a stage girl by destroying the fuel she needs to get there. It doesn’t really do much though since Junna already ate though.

For a second though, you think that Nana actually succeeded in decapitating Junna though, since Nana slowly walks away with blood tomato juice on her sword. We saw on the train that Junna couldn’t fight back, and now she’s frozen in place once again by the scary red lights, despite all the positive connotations of red if you consider color theory.

But we do see Junna safe and sound, having run away from the dangerous situation, although Nana claims that it’s futile considering she lost sight of her star. Basically this is what Nana was worried about, that Junna would fruitlessly struggle, but it’s not as if that would change the end result.

And Junna admits as such, that she can’t see her star and she doesn’t see a future where she succeeds. But she’s never seen that, so her only hope is to continue down her chosen path until she gets there. Plus she brings out that aerial hoop she used in her Revue with Hikari, which she absolutely dominated up until Karen very rudely interrupted Junna, so it’s a way to show that Junna is going to put on her best showing.

Anyways, despite Nana having complete dominion over the stage a few moments ago, Junna takes control and brings up a maze of walls to trap Nana in. Junna may have lost the will to fight Nana before, but she’s ready now. She decides that in the Revue of Hunting, she will be the hunter instead of the hunted.

Junna can’t beat Nana in a straight fight, so she keeps her at a distance and forces Nana on the run with her arrows, and keeps her guessing where the next attack will come from by concealing her own presence. Junna is very resourceful while using the stage, since she distracts Nana by using the debris her arrows cause by hitting props.

And while Junna seems to be winning, this is actually bad for her.

Because a stage girl is supposed to shine, so why is the spotlight only shining on her opponent during the Revue?

Junna’s whole strategy against Nana is suspiciously similar to her plan when she had her revenge Revue with Karen. Just like with Nana, Junna was caught off guard by Karen during their first fight and lost. So in her rematch, Junna is more cautious. She hides in the background and uses the debris from the props to distract Karen.

But Junna couldn’t win like that, and by the end of that Revue, she decides to be more straightforward like Karen. So in the little bits we see of her future Revues, and that one time when she almost beat Hikari, Junna continues to use the stage to her advantage, but she herself is front and center, boldly facing her opponent under the spotlight.

In this Revue though, she regressed, so Nana clearly had a point about Junna not shining as much as she did before.

And seeing as this is a battle for Junna’s life as a stage girl, the least she can do is give a counterargument to Nana.

While sniping at Nana, Junna says a couple quotes from famous writers about how trying is the first step before succeeding, hoping to convince Nana to see it from Junna’s perspective, that she just needs time before reaching her star.

And from Junna’s singing, we get a glimpse into her mindset, that if she uses the wise words from people of the past, or learns from her top star classmates, eventually she’ll drift towards the stage and find her star. But the word drift is troubling, since that implies passivity on her end. She might get there eventually, sure, but it’s essentially up to the tides of fate.

But Junna has always been about putting in the effort to achieve her dreams, so it almost feels like Junna isn’t even sure that she’ll be able to make it. Her list of questions from earlier did ask about how to overcome any hesitations about a career in living on stage.

And you can kind of see this idea in the scenery too.

While Junna is hunting Nana, we see these giant red kanjis, meaning “star,” fall in the background. Funnily enough it’s the same kanji (hoshi) used in her last name. And while Junna does use them to her advantage, we eventually see where they are coming from, the Tokyo Tower above them. Tokyo Tower often represents the stage, so essentially by relying on these stars, Junna has been damaging her own stage.

This is seen more explicitly when we cut to Nana, since these falling stars have destroyed the maze that Junna used to trap Nana. Because Junna is surrounding herself with stars at the expense of own stage, she’s quite literally sabotaging herself in this fight.

But that’s not just in this fight. That’s what’s happening to Junna in the real world. She’s always comparing herself to the greats and consequently doesn’t think she’s good enough.

Anyways, there’s also a shot of an arrow coming at Nana while Junna says that words are her power, again showing Junna’s mindset in the battle. She doesn’t have enough confidence in herself, and is instead using lines from more established writers to compensate. It also links this reliance on words with her bow, her usual method of fighting as a stage girl.

Anyways, Junna couldn’t beat Karen with this strategy before, and she can’t beat Nana with it now either. While illuminated by the red light of danger from before (coincidentally, red light also symbolizes the top star), Nana cuts the giant arrow in half using her own power, and destroys the stars that Junna has been letting cover the stage. After all, those were just props, and Nana is an actual top star.

Nana knocks Junna down, and traps her again. Junna’s attempt at fighting back clearly didn’t impress Nana. Junna didn’t even try to shine on her own merits. She’s hiding from the stage and hiding behind the words of others. Nothing she did in that fight could possibly shake Nana’s view of Junna. And as Nana sees it, if Junna continues as she is now, she’ll never achieve her dreams of becoming a star.

While Junna is pinned to the ground, Nana says that Junna had been beautiful, and in the background you can see pictures of Junna working her hardest at practice and studying.

But I gotta ask, if Nana takes pictures of beautiful things like that, why does she also take one of Junna now? I think this shows that Nana is a little more conflicted about how she feels about Junna’s brilliance than she lets on.

It’s a tiny detail, sure, but photos are important for Nana. She’s constantly taking photos, since she’s sentimental like that, and has tons of pictures displayed in her room. Plus photos are a way to preserve the moments of the past, so it’s almost like her time loops.

But after she gives up on her reproductions, she stops taking them.

Although in this movie, when helping Class B, we see that Nana started taking photos again. Although now she’s using a brand new disposable camera, instead of her phone. The same camera that she now uses to take a picture of Junna while she’s pinned down.

So just like Junna, Nana has also regressed to her pre Karen self during this Revue.

On the train, Nana talks about going back to her old role, and in both the Revue of Annihilation and the Revue of Hunting, and she’s been acting like she did in her Revues with Karen and Hikari. Don’t get me wrong, in the time loops and both those revues, we’ve only ever seen Nana act like this in a Revue. Cold and overbearing, clearly in control and gazing at a goal beyond what anyone else can see. But you’d think after realizing that she didn’t need to protect everyone, she would act a little differently.

But in a way, she is still trying to protect everyone. Her Revue of Annihilation was a wake up call that everyone needed. Even now she’s trying to protect Junna from future pain, in a twisted sort of way.

But while last time she tried so hard so everyone could stay together, this time Nana is deliberately forcing them apart. She stabs a blade between a picture of the two of them walking home in the evening, literally severing their bond. And in the background, Seisho itself splits when she does this.

But we know Nana, and she treasured her newfound friends and school more than anything, literally to the point of sticking them in a time loop so they would never have to separate from each other.

So we know doing this is probably killing her inside.

But none of that is showing in her acting. Nana’s been very cold and ruthless this entire time. Even when you could tell that Nana was mad at Junna for giving her a subpar performance earlier in the Revue, the anger seemed very cool and resentful. It’s completely unlike the last time we saw an angry Nana, when she was desperately shouting, trying to understand Karen in their Revue.

And that resentful anger is there when she was talking about how amazing Junna used to be. About how Junna used to be unaware of the gap that existed between her and top stars, and she could blindly reach out to become the lead.

The thing is though, Junna didn’t foolishly reach out to become the lead in the original timeline, or any of the loops. She was always very methodological in her approach, constantly learning and improving, while never giving up. It’s only after losing to Karen, who’s inner stage girl was reignited by Hikari returning, that Junna decided to straightforwardly aim for the top instead of overthinking.

The Junna that Nana is talking about isn't the one from her reproductions, but the one we saw in the show.

And Nana says that Junna was dazzling.

Dazzling is an important phrase for Nana. In the show, dazzling is how she describes the 99th Starlight. And it was so dazzling that Nana never wanted to leave that moment. She was content to live in that moment forever, since from the first loop to the last one before Hikari arrived, Nana says that particular stage was still dazzling, no matter how many times she reran it. And Nana is always chasing that shine, up to the point in her Revue with Karen, where she asks how Karen is so dazzling, just before she loses.

And sure, Nana lost to both Karen and Hikari in a Revue, but it’s the conversation with Junna after the Revues, when Junna asks Nana to let them make the next stage together, that finally convinces Nana to end her reproductions.

In that moment, Junna was dazzling enough to make Nana's desire to see their future overcome her desire to return to the past.

But unlike the 99th Seisho Festival, Junna couldn’t live up to Nana’s expectations, and she is no longer dazzling.

And this genuinely angers Nana. She grips her sword too tightly, and sounds just so desperate and frustrated in this line. She gave up everything because she believed in the stage girl Hoshimi Junna, but Junna doesn’t even believe in herself anymore. 

That’s gotta be disappointing.

So instead of cutting off the clasp to her jacket, as they normally do to win the Revues, Nana instead smashes the gem on Junna’s bow, literally destroying Junna’s ability to fight, her ability to shine as a stage girl.

Because Nana’s goal isn’t to just beat Junna and show her what she’s missing like on the train, Nana’s goal is to kill Junna as a stage girl, but there’s really no way for her to do that. Sure if the auditions were still a thing she could maybe steal Junna’s motivation for the stage, but that’s not possible anymore. The only way for Junna to die as a stage girl is for Junna to choose that, so Nana instead has to destroy any hope that Junna has for being a stage girl.

Like the start of the Revue, Nana gives Junna her sword to commit seppuku, only this time Nana isn’t offering to see to her beautiful end. Instead, the spotlight follows as Nana just walks away, no longer visibly angry, instead it's more like she doesn’t even care.

And this is tragic for Junna. She’s had doubts about her future, sure, but she received nothing but support from her teachers and friends up until now. So when Nana, the person closest to her, confirms her fears that she isn’t good enough to be a stage girl, she breaks down crying.

Junna cries and asks why Nana said she was dazzling in the past tense, but Nana ignores her, simply noting to herself that Junna was crying.

And this sucks for Junna. It really does. It’s almost a repeat of when Nana beat Junna on the train, where Nana ignored her and just moved on while a defeated Junna was on her knees in the dark. She’s in the exact same position, so like Nana said, despite her attempts to fight, it was futile in the end.

So to motivate herself, Junna recalls quotes about failure and how people can overcome that, but for a moment it looks like that isn’t enough, since she hesitantly picks up the seppuku blade that Nana gave her.

And this is heartbreaking for her. For the obvious reasons, of course, but also because this isn’t the first time that one of them was crying in the dark while Junna started reciting quotes in front of Seisho Academy.

After all, this entire set is just a callback to that night in front of Seisho Academy in episode 9.

That time, Nana was the one crying, while Junna tried to recite quotes to cheer her up. And that time, instead of walking away, Junna hugged Nana, and assured her that as a stage girl, Nana would be fine. But when their roles are reversed, Nana is doing the opposite.But the thing is, what touched Nana that night wasn’t the quotes from great writers. She only cheered up when Junna said her own, original quote, which happened to be her Revue Introduction.

And that’s exactly what Junna does now. She needs her own words. She realizes that the words of others aren’t enough, so instead of using Nana’s sword to kill herself, Junna instead uses it for a different purpose.

She slams the hilt into one of the fragments of her gem that was shattered around, making Nana’s sword her own.

Remember how she said words were her power when shooting an arrow? Well now that she can’t use her bow, she needs to find a new source of power. And using quotes is kind of fitting for a bow, since Junna is using other people’s word, the arrows, and shooting it at the target. There’s a degree of separation there, so that’s kinda symbolic.

Although the first time I heard the line that the words of others aren’t enough, I thought she was talking about quotes by other people, in that Junna relies on using wise words to guide herself. But she could also be talking about Nana’s words. When Nana said Junna wasn’t dazzling anymore, Junna really took that to heart, and that’s what really made her break down, which is kind of surprising after considering Nana completely destroyed her in both of the Revues, but Junna’s built different and would never completely give up from something like that. So this declaration could also be referring to how she decides to ignore the words of others, and truly follow her own path.

So Junna comes to a new resolution. Just like that night when she convinced Nana not to do the reruns anymore, Junna says her brand new Revue Introduction. She says that she knows she’s not enough, and she’s tired of it. But unlike before when she would try to drift towards her star, now she’s going to desperately struggle until she not only takes the leading role, but devours it, calling back to what Nana said about the stage girl hunger during the kick off festival.

And unlike before, when she would previously introduce herself as a part of the 99th class, now she introduces herself as the student council president for the 99th class, which is subtle but also kind of a big deal. You see, everyone else just says 99th class, except for Maya and Claudine, who introduce themselves at the first and second rank of the 99th class respectively. So by acknowledging her own achievements, she’s bringing herself to their level in a way, despite earlier claiming she was no match for them.

(Although I could have sworn she was just the class representative for Class A, but who knows, maybe she got elected in her third year, in which case good for her! But considering there’s like 2 classes in a year, I’m not sure if there is much of a difference.)

So even though Nana tried to destroy Junna’s passion for living as a stage girl, it didn’t work. If anything, that gem on her sword shining shows that Junna is more passionate than ever. After all, the stage responds to the stage girl's passions, and their gems would always glow during those moments.

And now instead of trying to become someone who can impress Nana, Junna instead calls her out. She won’t let Nana ignore her again just because Junna couldn’t meet her expectations, and she also won’t give Nana what she wants either.

If Nana wants to kill the stage girl Junna, then she’ll have to do it herself instead of making Junna do it.

The stage shifts to a yellow (Nana’s color), hazy landscape, with Nana’s swords all around them, pointing at Junna.

The set is still entirely under Nana’s control and hostile to Junna, as seen by the fact that she is still getting utterly bodied by Nana. I get that she’s not used to the new weapon yet, but it’s kinda embarrassing how she is completely off balance and is thrown backwards during each of their exchanges.

But she doesn’t give up, no matter how unsightly she looks. In the background, Junna sings about how she's gonna keep continuing on her journey and won’t ever give up on it, which is remarkably similar to what she said when she first fought Nana in her Revue, that even if she can’t see her star, she will continue down her path.

Meanwhile Nana demands her Katana back since Junna isn’t using it for the intended purpose. And just like at the beginning of the Revue, Nana tells Junna that fighting is futile. That Junna lost her ambition and now she won’t ever be able to fulfill her dream.

While fighting, Nana brings up that Junna just parrots the words of others, but only moments ago Junna herself decided that she would no longer rely on that. So Junna has evolved in the middle of this Revue, but Nana isn’t acknowledging that.

Meaning Nana is fighting now someone who doesn’t exist anymore.

Just like last time, Nana easily beats Junna and tells that she can’t take ahold of her own star, and attempts to walk away again. But just like last time, Junna picks up the sword again, and challenges Nana to kill her herself.

And this bothers Nana.

Just like when Nana brought up how Junna used to be dazzling, she clenches her sword and starts sounding a lot more passionate compared to her cold demeanor from before. Because even though Junna knows she stands no chance against Nana, she’s foolheartedly fighting back anyways.

Exactly like the Junna that Nana found dazzling.

Nana is completely different from before. She’s no longer as dominant as she was during the Revue of Annihilation or in the beginning of the Revue of Hunting. Despite claiming nothing would change no matter what Junna did, Nana’s getting desperate to end this. And when she fought before, her sword would always stop for a moment and lock with the weapon she parried, but now she’s flailing her blade wildly and letting their swords slip by each other after every hit. Not only that, but she’s evenly matched with Junna, despite easily stomping her earlier.

This uncontrolled fighting style is similar to when Nana fought Karen in the Revue of Bonds. She was so desperate to achieve her goal and cling onto the past, but at the same time so curious as to why Karen was so dazzling.

Just like with Karen, in this Revue Nana brings up the roles they play, and how her opponent is different now. But it's not just a callback, but also a role reversal of the Revue of Annihilation, Junna brought up how she didn’t know this Nana, but now Nana is the one who doesn’t know this Junna. And this scares Nana, since as I mentioned earlier, she was fighting someone who doesn’t exist anymore, but she’s only realizing this now.

With this realization, the haze clears and the light turns green (Junna’s color), revealing that Junna was already at Position Zero, the final goal for a stage girl, and we couldn’t see it. Junna reached this point by evolving as a stage girl throughout this Revue. She died and was reborn along with a new weapon. She found a new resolve as a stage girl, so if she wanted to end it here, she would be fine. At this point, she would probably be able to achieve her dreams if she keeps up this passion and resolve.

But that’s not enough for Junna. Instead of accepting an end set by someone else, she steps past Position Zero. She claims she will find her own path, different from the one that Nana planned.

And she doesn’t stop there. She says she won’t accept the roles Nana gave her or any of her stages, and literally bisects the stage and giant sword set pieces in the background. Not only that, but she cuts down the projector that Nana used at the start of the Revue. But this declaration isn’t out of spite though. She’s not mad about how Nana literally tried to get Junna to give up on her dream.

It’s just because Nana’s a shitty director.

In her song in the background, Junna asks Nana where she has been looking all this time. And Junna herself says that Nana was blinded by the light, the same thing that Nana accused Junna of being when she lost her ambition. And looking at the set designs, she was probably right. When they were covered with the yellow light of Nana’s color, the stage was hazy and hard to see. But when it’s green like Junna’s color, it’s clear.

In Nana’s mind, Junna’s role was supposed to have a beautiful end after realizing that she no longer had that ambition from last year. But Junna’s whole thing has been never giving up, and putting in more effort until she can catch up, so Junna was never going to do that. Nana doesn’t understand Junna nearly as well as she thought she did. And for that reason, Junna isn’t going to stand on Nana’s stage.

So instead of waiting to become the star of a distant stage like before, Junna claims the lead for herself now. And instead of relying on Nana to call her dazzling, Junna is now confident enough in herself to claim that descriptor. Just like how she doesn’t need Nana’s roles, now Junna won’t let herself be defined by anyone else. She will no longer say she isn’t a match for people like Claudine and Maya.

When Junna finally swings her sword, we get a shot of the stage falling, but it’s juxtaposed with a shot of Nana’s clasp flying in the air. Because although this stage has ended, Nana’s future is up in the air, and she will continue as a stage girl. Unfortunately we really don’t know anything about Nana’s future though, since both of them were fighting over Junna’s future as a stage girl in this Revue.

Earlier in the Revue, when Nana was walking away from Junna, she was following a pink path to her next stage. Now, at the end of the Revue, Junna and Nana are facing away from each other on that same pink path, but on two different sides of a crossroads. Coincidentally, this forms a giant Position Zero.

So symbolically, this looks like the end of their relationship. After all, Position Zero is the end, and now we have Nana and Junna going their separate ways.

Junna says that the stage she mentioned before where she is the dazzling lead will be her next stage, and that she will never stop reaching for it. That kind of messes up my point from earlier about how she was no longer relying on the future to become a star, but art is subjective, and I choose to interpret it so that I was right earlier. But it's nice to see this Revue helped her find her way, so that’s nice I guess. She’s now properly facing her next stage, symbolized by her green light at the end of the path.

Plus, now that I think about it, she completely destroyed that stage where she was the lead, so maybe it’s for the best that she was talking about a future stage.

Nana is also headed towards her next stage, represented by the yellow light at the end of her path, but I do have to wonder how ready she is for it. Unlike Junna who got a new resolve for herself, Nana’s resolve was probably destroyed by this Revue. After all, she was wrong about Junna, so what if she gets it wrong again?

She sadly says that her reproduction might have ended, but if we’re being literal, her reproduction ended last year. Maybe she’s talking about ending her idealization of the past, since that was the point of the reruns last year, but I think she was actually talking about her relationship with Junna and everyone else.

After all, the point of the reproductions was to make sure their friends never had to go on their own separate paths after graduating, and now that’s basically going to happen in a couple months.

But in a way, the time loops were also to protect the relationships Nana made at Seisho. And her actions here could have completely destroyed her bond with Junna. She literally stabbed her sword between the two of them in the picture, and it can be hard to forgive someone if they try crush your dreams and get you to kill yourself (metaphorically, of course.) She knew that going into this, which is why she was always somber outside the revues, because she knew she was about to do something unforgivable to Junna.

But just like the night that Junna forgave Nana for the time loops, she understands where Nana was coming from and forgives her. Even though they are going their separate ways, Junna looks forward to when they can stand on stage together again. And when she says this, we finally see a shot of their faces and we get to see Nana’s reaction. Very surprised, I think, but also really grateful that there’s no hard feelings between them.

And sure, earlier I said it symbolically looked like this was the end for them because they were going there separate ways on a giant position zero, but Junna stepped beyond the position zero. She can do whatever she wants, and she wants to be with Nana.

Not right now though. But later, definitely.

They “See ya” to each other, implying that it’s not goodbye, just bye for now. And as they go down their respective paths, the water repairs the damaged picture, showing that this Revue wouldn’t impact their closeness in the long run, despite the fact they have to go their separate ways.

It also shows Nana’s discarded camera in the pool of water, showing that Nana no longer needs to hold onto the past so tightly. It also shows that she hates the environment, but in her defense 100 companies are responsible for 90% of all global plastic waste, so I’m not gonna get on her case too much.

But was it really that hard to find a trash can?

Despite Nana being the one earlier to insist that the curtain falls, Junna is the one who sings about the ending as they go their separate paths, but knows they will meet each other on stage one day, since she knows they’ll both continue on as stage girls.

And as they walk away, Nana thanks Junna for helping her arrive at a brilliance that’s like jewels set ablaze, a phrase which she previously only used to describe the 99th production of Starlight that she was always trying to reach.

But Junna is just so dazzling that she can make Nana forget the past.

And while walking away, this time Nana is the one crying, another role reversal for the two of them. So now Junna is the one to mention that “she cried.” And just like Nana before, we see Junna continue down her path after taking a moment to make a steel herself. And since this is a mirror of the earlier scene, we can assume Nana must have done something similar too at the time. Even back then she didn’t want to ignore a crying Junna, but she thought she had to do it for them to make it to the next stage, and forced herself to move on.

But unlike episode 9 though, Junna isn’t there to wipe away Nana’s tears. Nana is still a bit of a kid and a crybaby, just like Junna noticed back then, but now Nana has to find her next stage on her own, so she wipes away her tears on her own, and continues down her path.

Anyways, despite that heartbreaking goodbye, literally 5 minutes later we see the two of them sitting with each other. I mean I know they promised to meet together again soon, but this was probably way sooner than they expected, right? Then again they are roommates and this is like May so they have like 9 months of school left, so their reunion was probably going to be sooner rather than later, but could you imagine how awkward it would be if Nana actually succeeded in making Junna give up on being a stage girl?

Now let’s take a look at their endings.

Junna ended up studying abroad at the New York Musical and Drama Academy. This was not on the list of colleges she was initially applying to, so I’m guessing after the Revue, Junna decided to apply for schools regardless of her chances of being accepted, and she got in! Plus she’s not in the literature department, so she can focus on the stage full time now! And it’s a performing arts school, so I guess she doesn’t need to focus on learning more quotes from famous pieces of literature anymore.

But I thought that she would apply for an troupe instead of a school though, since she got more confidence in herself after that Revue, but in the beginning she said she wanted to study more about the stage objectively, so clearly she wasn’t saying that because of insecurity, but because she really does love the stage and wants to learn more about it.

Plus she says she is having a lot of fun right now, and that’s what really matters.

Nana also ended up studying abroad, but she’s at the Royal Academy of Theatrical Actors. Her initial plan was to go to New National with Maya, Mahiru, and Futaba, but maybe she thought she needed to study more before moving on to the next stage, after all she never really had a moment like everyone else where she found out what she wanted to do in her future. But that’s because she thought that she was already ready to move onto the next stage, although the fact she couldn’t beat Maya and that she also saw herself dead in the vision means she probably wasn’t as ready as she thought. And after Junna proved her expectations wrong in their Revue, she must have realized it herself. Although I’m a little annoyed we never got to find out whether she decided to focus on making the stage or performing. After the ending of the revue, I could see either happening though.

But it’s cool that she’s not alone since she’s with Hikari in London. And while it’s a little sad she didn’t go with Hikari to meet everyone, it seems like she’s adjusted well to separating from everyone, so that’s nice.

It’s interesting how Junna and Nana are the only ones to change their future plans after the Revue. It probably says something profound about the two of them, but I just analyzed two whole Revues and I’m tired of thinking. I guess it just shows that the two of them have a lot to learn I guess? Maybe to show how the future isn’t set in stone and they can always go down new paths?

Anyways, it was really cool to see an actual fight between the two of them, especially because every other main pairing got the chance in the show, even if we only got to see brief moments of it. They have this really interesting past vs future conflict going on, so it was really cool to see that play out in an actual revue.

But boy did it hurt to see the two who were most supportive of each other duking it out. At least they looked awesome while doing it. They really popped off with the fights in this movie, so it was cool to actually analyze their movements and their meanings.

And now let’s take a look at some cool things that I noticed but didn’t mention earlier because that would mess with the flow of this essay:

I didn’t talk about the kick off party much in this deep dive, mostly because I already talked about it in both of the last two Revue Write Ups and I had to cover two whole revues in this one, but there’s a line of foreshadowing in it that’s relevant. 

The line “Be reborn, destroying your old body” is read while Junna is on screen. This hints at her having her gem get destroyed, but coming back to continue fighting with a new weapon, and with a new stage girl ideology.

The more interesting thing about the Kick off Party when it comes to Junna is the fact that she’s the one who brings up how the script is incomplete and doesn’t have an ending. I feel like it’s fitting since Junna herself doesn’t have an end in mind, since she can’t see her destined star yet, but she keeps reaching out because she has faith that she’ll find her ending, just like how the classmates have faith that the script writer will be able to come up with a wonderful ending too.

Also it’s funny because Junna has literally no idea what’s going on during the period between the Revue of Annihilation and the Revue of Hunting. She’s constantly lost and voicing her confusion from the train up until she gets up on that Revue stage. It doesn’t really mean much, but I find it funny.

There are a whole lot of shots in the beginning of the movie where Nana looks straight at the viewer to reference that jump scare in episode 7, and oftentimes it’s not clear who she’s talking to, making it seem like she’s addressing the audience. I don’t really have anything to say about this, just know that while looking for screenshots I had to pause very often so sometimes I got moments where she stared into my soul and I did not appreciate that.

Also, can we just talk about how much unconditional support Junna gets? In her previous songs, it’s heavily implied her parents aren’t completely on board with her decision and she’s had to fight an uphill battle alone for even the chance to pursue her dream, but literally everyone is behind her here. I mean her teacher agrees that her path will be good for her if she wants to become a star, and even though Claudine thinks she should aim higher, she understands that Junna doing what she’s comfortable with is important. Anyways, I just think it’s just really nice that Junna is surrounded by people who love and support her no matter what (yes, this includes Nana despite everything.)

In the Revue of Annihilation, Nana chucks her sword at Junna, causing her to miss and hit the lights, sending shimmering light everywhere which distracts Futaba. This was a tactic Junna previously used against Karen in their second Revue, showing how Nana not only knew Junna so well that she could use her techniques, but also how Nana was so skilled that she could get Junna to help her.

Nana’s literally so cool. What do I have to do to be this suave one day?

Junna’s last name has the kanji for “star” and “to see”, because she is always gazing at stars and trying to reach them. But if you think about it, this means that her star was inside her all along!

Speaking of meaningful names, you can rearrange Daiba Nana’s name to Dai Banana, which means big banana in Japanese!

Thou Shalt not Die is an Japanese anti-war poem where the author mourned her brother having to fight in the Russo-Japanese War and begged him not to let himself be killed. Seeing as the two of them are wearing military uniforms, it really brings into question Nana’s true feelings on trying to kill Junna as a stage girl. Then again I just looked up a summary online and am repeating what some blog said, so as far as I know this could all be bullshit.

But it's interesting how Nana is bringing up literature, since that’s usually Junna’s thing. Although Nana is referencing a Japanese work, unlike Junna who usually quotes Western authors.

Now can we take a minute to talk about how this whole movie is sword propaganda? In what world is a bow not better than a sword!? Bows were way more effective than swords back in the olden days! This is revisionism and I won’t stand for it!

Give Junna her bow back! Actually give everyone bows! Other than Aruru in the mobile game, she can keep her pistols. And that new girl with the boomerang, that’s hilarious. But everyone else should switch to bows.

“Your star is just a piece of space trash” is like the sickest possible burn, I’m still reeling. Especially for Junna who was constantly reaching for a star, but didn’t know what she was reaching for. So to say that the faraway star she was reaching for was actually just junk that humans shot up, it just feels so cruel! They should do more astronomy related burns like this considering how they are all trying to become the top star. Maybe say something about how the hazy landscape they are in is the nebula from Junna’s dying star or something. Honestly that line is just such a good insult, I’m still in awe.

In her song, while she is shining the brightest, Junna brings up how she didn’t look upwards just for show. So even though Junna admits that she was wrong before, she’s not gonna completely disregard her previous methods, and is still gonna use what she learned to shine. This mirrors her advice to Nana back in episode 9, where she told Nana to take the memories she treasured with her to the next stage. And just like that, while she won’t rely on the words of others anymore, she will still use what she learned to become an even better stage girl.

Continuing the previous point, Junna sings about how her unbreakable pen is stronger than Nana’s Katanas. As she said before, words are her power, but now instead of reciting someone else’s words, she’s going to be the one to write them, and no one will be able to break her spirit again.

You know in a way, Nana never went to the next stage in all her time loops. She was constantly stuck repeating the same one over and over again, so she’s probably going to need the biggest adjustment once she graduates. I mean everyone else was used to growing up, but can you really say the same for Nana after she was in the time loops for who knows how long?

But despite probably being the most scared to move on to the next stage out of all of them, Nana made sure she could help everyone get to where they needed to be in order to advance to the next stage. And I just think that was really sweet of her.

Although her methods for helping could have been a bit sweeter if you ask me.

[nonokoko13]

Child!reader being adopted by spy x family characters Pt. 2

As I said in the previous part, these adoption headcanons are really specific, including your hypothetical pronouns and name; these two are extra so you can imagine yourself with your name and desired gender. You can ask for less specific headcanons if you want too. Part 1 here

Enjoy!

Sylvia Sherwood

How you met

She carries the responsibility of WISE, she needs to be committed to it. More than ever now that the peace was threatened every day by those who wanted war to arise again

She missed her family, but she overcame it. Just like the HQ she had to be impenetrable

At least, that's what she thought

Because right in front of her there was the question which answers she wanted to hear. A kid.

It would be normal to see one if she wasn't at the HQ

It didn't help no one knew there was a kid there until you spoke up

The camera system didn't record you and there wasn't any entrance to the agency that had been forced. You weren't any employee's kid either

After scolding them and order to search your parents she met you again

"Hello little one. May I ask you how did you get in here?"

You smiled, seeming to have been waiting her to ask

"Because I like to play and explore! And I'm really good at hide and seek"

Sylvia raised an eyebrow. No matter how well someone was good at hiding there was no way you could break into the HQ; it sounded surrealistic

"But how did you find this place?"

"Because it was easy to find"

"Don't you think you could end bad breaking into unknown places?"

"If I don't know what isthis place how I'd know that?"

Fair enough

That conversation wasn't going anywhere, yet she was angrier with the security staff than you. You didn't look worried though

You gave her an idea

"Do you want to play with me?"

Both entered in the nearest police station, she talked with the officers before telling you to count until 1000 while she was going to hide. You started the count facing a wall

She felt bad, but there were some traffickers she had to catch before they made the exchange

She was following their car; everything fine until she believed to see a small hand greeting her from the car's trunk

She returned to the police station to find out that moments later of her departure you disappeared without anyone realizing. She went to the point where the delivery would be made

Outside the abandoned warehouse there was no signal that you were there until she saw you getting out from under the car on the other side

Something caused a shooting that would make the police come and caught her at any moment. The bands kept shooting at each other while you were behind a transport container

"What were you thinking?! I told you to stay with the police!"

"I'm sorry, I counted until I know, then I saw you following the car, so I followed too. But before they caught me I hid in there...I'm sorry..." You pulled out a walkie-talkie

"I got two from the police station. I left one in there so the others thought the guys of that car were betraying them, it should have worked to scape with no bad guys seeing us"

She was impressed. However, there was no time to ask where you learn that from

Analyzing the situation the principal scape was blocked, fortunately they hadn't noticed you yet so–

You pulled her shirt, pointing somewhere else

"Let's get out"

General headcanons

Sylvia was still surprised that your plan of exiting through a rear window she hadn't seen and walk away without hurry could work

She stopped walking to watch you smash the walkie-talkie and take out some matches to burn it

"Now they can't find footprints!"

The police may not get answers about it but she had many questions for you

She lied to you about the HQ, after the shooting her lie was on the floor. Thenceforth Sylvia's not able to tell if you were playing along and keeping her secret or you have no idea what's all about

You thought her name was Handler. When you knew she was called Sylvia Sherwood you pointed your hoody logo and say "S of Super, you're superman–Superwoman!"

That's how she begun to be mistaken with an endearing mother and her son. She was superwoman and you "kid", because you said that's how you were called, along with child, shrimp, demon...

"That's unacceptable". She handed you lists of names to choose, unfortunately no one convinced you

It wasn't until you two went to a jewelry store that you found the name

The casual way you break in HQ when you want still frustrates her, how do you do it?? You don't see big deal though

Fullmetal lady didn't remember how tough was motherhood

Anyone would freak out if they found out about spies. Yet there you are, admiring flying guys in underpants

Sylvia asked you about your family, but you always tell the same: you lived with dad until he left you with a woman that he said was your mom

The Handler found out your father is a repeat offender, currently on a maximum security prison in another country. Both him and the woman without offspring legally

"Please, don't tell me one of his criminal records is jailbreaking"

The informant doubted "Actually, that's the main one"

"..."

The Forgers

Scenario where it's up to both of them to adopt you. To keep Loid's mental sanity safe it will be independent of the timeline where Yor has a kid on her own, feel free to imagine both kids being Anya's siblings at the same time. You can ask me to include that idea if I write more about this

How you met

As I said before Twilight wouldn't adopt anyone due his job, only one kid for Operation Strix and that was Anya. For now Yor didn't want more kids, she loves Anya and that's enough for them

Not for Anya. She wanted a little sibling

All started talking with Becky when Damian mentioned his brother. Back at home she brought the topic and neither Pa or Ma were giving her an answer of where babies come from

That's when she begun to feel like being a sister. Any plan helped her to convince her parents though

Anya remembered something Mr Henderson told them. "If you want something, take it into your own hands"

And she took it too seriously

Next day Anya and Bond disappeared, she was in the dogs park with Yor

While Mrs Forger panicked Anya had returned to the place she met Twilight

As the time passed the Forgers worried more. When they found Anya and Bond at their building's door they felt relieved

Your presence didn't make things better

They asked Anya where she had been and where did you come from. She said she adopted you

Of course Anya wasn't going to say she broke into an orphanage and took you

Loid's scolding made you cry

"Anya, we aren't adopting–"

"If she's not my sister I won't go to school ever again!!"

"Just for a trial period" that's what Loid hoped

General headcanons

Loid thought babies were easy because it's unnecessary (more impossible) communication with a living being that can't talk; after all babies only have basic needs. He was wrong

It would be easier if you could talk. Why are you crying? You have eaten! Are you sad? Cold? You dislike him?

Yor is not better either. Because her parents died when Yuri was a kid Yor didn't have experience with changing diapers, or anything related with babies

She was more scared than Loid to the point she didn't want to hold you. She broke Yuri's ribs with a hug when he was a toddler, what if she kills you with few contact?

In less than 24 hours you already had a crib and all kinds of things a baby would need. However, having three bedrooms and parents sleeping in separate rooms meant all your things ended in Anya's room

You cried at night until they discovered you calmed down when Anya let you a plushie to hug

She can't wait for the day pa and ma share bed to take back her bedroom

The second night Anya had an idea

Ma is scared of being your mom, solution? Leave you in her bed while Yor is asleep imagining that would work

Thanks God Yor doesn't move much when sleeping. On the other hand Yor is a light sleeper due not being used to sleep with someone so she woke up minutes later

She almost jump out of the bed, realizing that would make you cry made her contain. You groaned, did she wake you up? Yor wasn't sure of holding you, instead she laid down again and approached you to her chest

Seeing you so peaceful by her side melted her, thinking about it you looked a bit like her and Loid.. She blushed at the embarrassing thought

Bold of them to not imagine that's why Anya chose you

In the morning Loid discovered what happened and had a little words with Anya during breakfast before she went to school

Yor went to work and he decided to take a day off from his work to spend the morning with you. The Handler said the first days you should see them to recognize faces

Walks with Bond, buying toys, trying to teach you sign language...Normal stuff

Loid is glad you don't do anything but sleep and eat, except your obsession with munching. When you first kissed Yor he found it normal until you munched her cheek and now you do that to everyone; probably you're teething

Yor found it really cute, but you shouldn't go kissing and chewing cheeks. Anya thinks is funny just don't try to chew her hair again please

Another problem came with names. Loid was going through a list of 850 names in alphabetical order, meanings included; Yor didn't take it to the extreme

"Hum, what about Rose? I think it's a cute name, I mean it's both decision and I'm not good with names Loid–"

Welcome to the family Rose

A spy, an assassin, a telepath and... Well, a baby. Seems like a good mix

Yor Briar

As we know Twilight only would adopt for Operation Strix's sake. Yor became mother by marrying Loid, but what if she had already a kid before being Mrs Forger?

Inspired by this post of @say-seira

How you met

Long ago before Twilight adopted the identity of Loid Forger, the Briars moved to a flat in Berlint

While the eldest sibling had recently become an adult Yuri was only a kid, Yor decided to move to the city so he had nearer his school. It was possible due her proper salary as Thorn Princess

This change would make her job easier too. She had a new client which death could pay Yuri's entrance to a good university

There was a politician who negotiated with terrorists, helping them to get into Ostania and providing them with weapons in exchange to gain good propaganda abroad and getting rid of competition

Knowing this was enough to make Yor's blood boil. He deserved to die, she was sure of it

Struggling with the security around him, Yor finally killed the target without leaving trace

The only inconvenience was a bad injury made by a bullet that she received. After removing the bullet the wound got worse

She went to the hospital to avoid an infection. In the waiting room she met a kind lady, Yor swore that she had seen her before

The woman was scared, but Yor reassured her she will wait her

While Yor was attended the girl was taken to another room. As she promised, Yor waited in the hall after her wound was treated; with a buttoned medical gown on because she didn't want to attract more attention due the bandaged wound in sight

Time passed and many people enter and exit from the room, but she didn't. A nurse carrying something mistook her for one of the staff and scolded her for standing there

"Here, take the baby to the nursery"

"Me? But— wait! What about the woman? Is she okay?"

From afar she heard the answer, but before Yor could explain the error the woman had left. She was shocked, how? She seemed fine

Against her will the dark-haired looked at the lump she was holding: rosy cheeks babbling in dreams, you were in peace

Her shock grew when she saw you shared the username that the man she killed had. That's why the woman was familiar: she was the politician's daughter

Yor searched someone who hand the baby when she recognized the doctor that guided the woman to the room, he was talking with a masked nurse

The fact they went to a private place and maintained their voices low made her suspect

"Did you take care of the mother?" the nurse asked

"Yes, they got ahead of us with her father but I think they will pay us anyway. When they found it was a medical negligence we'll be far from here"

Yor understood they were assassins as well, probably paid by a rival. Luckily they hadn't seen her yet

"Heh, do you they will pay more if we got rid of the baby?"

Yor left the hospital with you, unsure of what to do. Did you have more relatives? The widowed politician didn't have more kids, and your mother came alone. What if they wanted to kill the rest of the family?

A small hand grabbed hers, and every fear disappeared. Looking at each other, she knew you were safer with her. Perhaps it was only guilt or sympathy, but she would try

General headcanons

The moment Yuri saw Yor holding you was in disbelief. Yor said she found you in the streets and he believed it

At first he tried to convince her sister to leave you in a orphanage but once scolding was enough to cease

Still disliking you for the first months. It took some time until he saw you like one of his family

Yuri helped, although they had a rough time because you refused to eat Yor's purees. Your endurance might grew up to make you the only person who can eat her food without bleeding but it doesn't mean you like its flavor

She viewed you as a sibling until you were two, being called mom made Yor too happy to correct you. Yuri was just Yuri, you never feel like using formalities with him or addressing "Uncle" everytime you talked

Yor decided to let your belongings, it was better that way. When you were older, and only if you wanted, she would tell you the truth

She's bad with names, Rose was the only name she could think of but you're a boy. Yor's parents loved that Yuri and her had matching names, therefore you would be the sweet addition to it

The only name I could think of is Yuu because it's gender neutral and means "you" sorry

During the first year of your life she didn't try to hide the blood of her clothes from you. Yuri never suspected either and you wouldn't remember it when you grow up

Your lack of childhood amnesia was something she didn't have in count. Not that she knows you know anyway

Yor has been training you since you were able to walk, if she wasn't there when you needed at least you would be ready to defend yourself. Proud to say you're her strong boy

That said, if the assassins that tried to killed you found were you lived it's something you ignore. Being the protective mother Yor is they could be dead by now

Six years later, it was still Yor and you against the world, with Yuri being the only paternal figure you had. Before one day she met a man and everything changed

She said he will help her by accompanying her to a party so Yuri stopped worrying about her. She said it would be one night, and the next morning you woke up with Yor waiting to talk with you

In part she accepted because of you; you passed the Eden exam before knowing you needed a dad for it. That requisite seemed stupid for you, as you reassured her you could go to any other school; now you would be accepted into the best school!

You agreed and started packing. What else you could do? The decision was made before you were asked anyway, and you didn't want to argue with your mom because she was doing it for your future too

Of course it affected you. No matter how nice they were it was a huge change; in one day you had to move to a new place which didn't feel like home and live with strangers who you'll have to share mom with isn't easy

Anya was nervous too, but for different reasons. She was so excited to meet her soon-to-be sibling! For her, who was an orphan last week, having a pa, a ma and a friend to play with was great

Her expectations went down when she read your mind. You didn't think bad of them, but excited wasn't the word to describe your emotional state either

Loid may not be good at understanding children, but it was clear for him you wasn't comfortable. For him would be weirder if you didn't seem affected at all

On the contrary, Yor seemed cool with all of this to you. Even without any idea of how to be a wife or mother for Anya she enjoyed her time as Forger, which confused you a bit

Yor is happier, not only because she didn't have to worry about the SSS or Yuri anymore. They make her happier, it's just matter of time she could fall for Loid and have a baby that was her own, real kid

Being sure Yor loves you and your new family want you to feel welcomed doesn't make disappear the feelings you carry with. Still, if mom is happy you prefer to keep it to yourself and try to maker her smile too

If it wasn't because Yuri hates the idea of her sister hiding her marriage for a year and sympathized your situation he would have laughed at the irony when you told him during your uncle-nephew walk the next day of his meeting with "Loiloi"

He doesn't know they got married before you attended school so he assumed you had been holding it for a long time. He passed his fingers through your hair

"I understand it's difficult, but I'll be for you whenever you need me"

+ Honorable mention to compensate you for the mild ansgt without warning

Daybreak

We don't know much about him but I included this dork for fun

Thinking about "Daybreak" and "parenthood" makes anyone's mind stopped working

Mainly because it's difficult to say which one would be the child

Not "How you met headcanons" because he wouldn't be able to adopt to begin with

From what we saw in chapter 27 he seems to live alone, depending on his amazing spy career to afford pork steak for dinner. So he must not live too good given that after his first mission he was fired

If he had a child, it would be likely because of a previous relationship he had and didn't end well

He didn't adopt you. You're his biological kid, the only not adopted of this gang

Sorry we can't choose our family good luck ig

Not necessarily ended bad, even remaining as friends, your mother took a different path and is happily married with another man

If she knew he wanted to be a spy either thought "it's a joke" or *sigh*

She was who brought money in the relationship, now you live with her and your step-dad but at the beginning you didn't want to

Daybreak talked with you and promised you could visit each other and even live with him when he could afford it

They don't get it

Who would take care of him? The idea of living on his own was frightening to you

Imagine being father and is your kid who worries about whether pops know how to pay taxes without mom

You took after him in terms of appearance. Any signal of intelligence was from your mother

Average smart but surely smarter than him

Probably he thanked God that you were a boy. He will love whatever you are but he was relieved of saving himself of buying female products when you were on that time of the month and guide you through puberty

As much as he says to be a charming man he's not good with women either so

Your name is Sunny. Guess who chose it

Probably you see him more on weekends than during the week

Until you showed him Spy Wars he didn't have no idea that existed such good series

Of course not cooler than the legend he is but Daybreak jokes about how reading that and seeing your cool pops in action would make you half as good spy as he is someday

Quite sad is that your common sense along with the things you see on TV are enough to be better spy material

You try to watch it with him to see if he learns something

Unsure of what you'll be in the future but in the mean time you had fun watching cartoons and liking kids stuff like dinosaurs and skateboard

Current status: Busy with your first year at school and getting him out of trouble

[charliedawn]

How would the Hannibal family comfort their significant other if the S/O had a bad day and they started crying because they got too overwhelmed?

Kevin : "What happened ?!"

Kevin would panic. He would walk left and right, thinking of a way to help you.

He would lose it when he would see you crying and look around frantically for something to cheer you up or someone to take care of you. (Hannibal Jr. or any responsible adult who knows how to handle these sorts of situations)

Lots of internal monologues.

'Panic. Panic. Okay, what does one do with someone who cries ? Hum..Sleep ? No. Bring food ? Maybe..No, stupid. Touch them. DO SOMETHING, STUPID ! THINK ! WHAT CAN I DO ?!'

He would then simply give you a hug or just ask you right away.

"Hum..Did something happen ? Did someone hurt you ? What do you need ?"

He would then listen to what happened to you and empathize with you or go do something crazy to solve the problem.

Let's say..If it's something work related ? Your school or place of work may or may not have an accident..Yeah. He tends to take things way too far when he's stressed or nervous. 😅

One thing is for sure: Kevin doesn't like seeing you upset and would do anything to make you smile again.

"Hey..Are you okay ?"

Peter would be worried and just lend you a shoulder to cry on if you need it or just cuddle with you until you feel better.

Peter would wait until you've finished crying to ask you to explain what made you so upset in the first place ?

"So, you had a bad day, huh ? I'm sorry..I wish I could have been there to help. But, I'm here now. Wanna go play a board game or we could stay here and eat our weight of f/f while watching f/s ?"

His mission : make you forget all about your bad day and brighten your mood.

He knows what bad days feel like and it's not good to be left alone, so he would just try to make you feel better.

However, there is a reason he's part of the Hannibal family..He's very good with a gun.

Someone makes you feel upset ? They better have 7 lives..8 if they make you very upset.

But, he's not gonna act unless you specifically ask him to and will be just as happy to just hold you until you feel better.

Hannibal Jr. would immediately notice that something is wrong and sit next to you to hold your hand and wait patiently until you're ready to talk about it.

He would then prepare you a warm drink and let you talk as much as you want and let all of your negative feelings pour out of you.

He's a psychiatrist, so he usually knows what to say or do in these kinds of situations.

"Don't worry, love. It's only a bad day. You'll be okay tomorrow morning and I'll help you as much as I can. Trust me."

He will try to help by either finding a solution with you or just face the problem himself. He would try to talk to whoever or deal with whatever upset you and if he can't find a way to remedy to the situation ? He would make sure said situation disappears...permanently.

Identify the problem. Find the best solution for the problem. Solve the problem.

Morgan is rational. He wouldn't waste any time and just help you find a solution.

He wouldn't necessarily physically interfere, but he wouldn't leave you alone and would be here if you need emotional support and help as much as he can.

He knows that getting rid of the problem with violence may cause you more trouble than actually helping, so this is why he prefers to find a peaceful solution at first.

"Just, tell me what's wrong and I promise that we will find a solution together."

Morgan may sound very practical, but it's because he knows that tears won't help and that making sure that it won't happen again is far better.

He doesn't like seeing you unhappy and will do everything in his power to never see you cry again.

"Hey. It's okay. You'll see. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. It will get better. We just need to face this together, okay ?"

He knows very well what a mental breakdown looks like and he will do his best for you not to suffer.

If he can't figure it out with a peaceful method ? Then—and only then—will he consider interfering personally.

"Is something the matter, little lamb ?"

He will be very sweet with you and play the caring man to perfection.

He genuinely cares and doesn't like seeing you so sad. He will even ask the guards to hold your hand for a moment.

He doesn't like the fact that he can't do anything, but will listen to you and advise you the best he can.

"It's okay, little lamb. Don't cry..Everything will be alright..I promise. It's only a bad day, but you're strong. I know that you'll be alright.."

Now, you also have to be careful with what you're telling him.

Hannibal Sr. may be the best psychiatrist you'll ever get, but he knows very well how to advise you and even manipulate you to do what he thinks is best for you.

For exemple, open the door of his cage so he may kill or destroy whatever or whoever upset you.

You think Kevin's reaction was excessive ? Wait until you've seen what the Hannibal patriarch can do.