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beyoncesdragon · 4 years

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title: catch up now?

× pairing: Idol!Jungkook x Interviewer!Reader, old friends from highschool kinda stuff, abandoned but maybe rediscovered love on both sides.

× summary: Three years are a long time. In three years, many things can and will change. But three years hadn’t been quite enough to change how two people feel about each other.

× warnings: a little teeny bit angsty but it’s nothing, really. Mainly fluff, some flustered, overly eager Gguk and old memories coming up.

× wordcount: 2k

× a/n: Not gonna lie, this might be one of my favourite pieces I've ever written. I really hope you enjoy this too! it’s somehow inspired by ‘Love Maze’ (BTS) and also ‘50 Proof’ (eaJ). Will probably not have a pt.2

main masterlist | bts masterlist

When he had read the name of the interview host - or hostess more like - Jungkook had already felt the familiar tingle in the pit of his stomach that he had thought had disappeared over the course of time. Yet, he wasn’t surprised that it was still there.

He had however not dared to hope that it could actually be you, there sure were other people called (Y/N) (Y/L/N), who has pursued their dream of becoming an interviewer, media person, whatnot. He didn’t even know if you had actually graduated uni and made it in the job, hence he hadn’t seen any of you in about four years of him debuting now. He had occasionally checked out your Instagram or Twitter, yet he shied away from following you on any social media platform. You weren’t really public about your work or personal life on both, you mainly retweeted stuff (he found out about your love for Bingsu and Makgeolli ice cream like that) and posted a few selfies or landscapes. He hoped that you had been able to pursue your dream of traveling around for a bit, in South Korea and outside of it. Though again, he didn’t know.

Jimin was seated right in front of him and Jungkook couldn’t help but nervously play with his hyungs honey blond dyed hair. Jimin chuckled surprised yet amused about his open display of nervousness and turned around slowly.

“Everything okay, Jungkook-ah? You seem more nervous than usually.” He remarked, making Namjoon look over to the maknae in wonder. “He does, right? I thought so too. Did something happen?” Jungkook only shook his head.

Not yet, he thought to himself.

The cameras around them started to blink all at once, the light has been set up correctly and the camera and sound team had settled down around them in the dark. Manager and publicists stood somewhere in the back, swallowed up by the dark. The only person that was missing still, was you. Or the person called (Y/N) (Y/L/N), Jungkook tried to tell himself.

Suddenly there was a soft laugh from somewhere off the scenes and his heart tripped over its own beat and finally, finally, you stepped into the light.

You looked pretty as ever, grown into your features entirely, like a lotus flower finally in full bloom. Jungkook had to swallow dry. The light coral red of your lip balm complimented your skin and the subtle almost invisible make up you wore, accentuated your already beautiful features even more. You hadn’t changed your hair much, but it was a bit longer and looked so soft in the bright light. His eyes almost subconsciously darted to your fingers, searching for evidence of a possible relationship. He was almost ashamed how quickly he ended up thinking about this, his own boldness making him even more flustered. (There was no formal looking ring on your ringfinger though, to his relief.)

There was a warm smile on your lips as you bowed deeply to them all, greeting them respectfully. The boys returned your greeting immediately and a bunch of annyeong haseyo-s sounded through the studio. Jungkook felt Namjoon look over at him again, a piercing gaze Jungkook knew he wouldn’t be able to withstand if he met it. So he just kept looking at everything but Namjoon...not that this was hard to do when you were right in front of him.

“Thank you so much for being here with us.” You said with a smile, looking at everyone with the same look of respect and polite distance. Like you were supposed to, at work, as a professional. Like you didn't know them personally. Everyone, including Jungkook.

He felt his heart drop to his stomach. Could it be that you...forgot about him? It couldn’t really be, right? How would you actually be able to, you really...in this moment your eyes crossed again and something flickered in your eyes, a facade crumbled for a few seconds only. It was an amused twinkle, like a cheeky wink and a minimal curl of your lips.

Acknowledgement.

And Jungkook’s heart did multiple flips, breath caught in his throat and eyes widened.

You had started with the questions, keeping the conversation light and flowing. The vibe in the room was comfortable and built up on mutual respect - yet Jungkook felt as if he was sitting on red-hot needles. He wanted to talk to you, ask about how you had been, what you were doing (if you had a boyfriend) if you were happy, if you got a cat, how your mother’s little business was going (he’d anonymously purchased countless items, to support your family), if your favourite colour still was cyan blue and your still religiously bought Pajeon and Makgeolli on rainy days, if you ever spent a second of your day thinking of him (because he did).

Him, your somewhat ex-best friend from highschool, him, the one you spent hours talking to in the ungodly hours of the morning, him who you had lost your first kiss to (though lost wasn’t the right word: you gave it to him more like). Him who you had poked fun of when the first girl approached him in his Rookie days and he’d been flustered to no end.

Him, who had promised to you that he wouldn’t abandon your friendship and yet the two of you drifted apart anyways.

Not for the lack of trying on either side though. Jungkook’s schedule had just become even fuller, his nights shorter, training longer and fans more obsessive. And you had seen each other less often, greetings were shorter and late night talks turned into good night wishes over text quicker.

You on your part weren’t mad, a little disappointed maybe. Sad for sure, but not mad. After all, you had expected it to turn out like that. So had the rest of your little circle, Haneul, Hwang, Kyong and Myunghee. Whilst the five of you had supported Jungkook on his journey with all you’ve got, you all tried to overcome the obvious pain of him drifting off.

Some (mainly Hwan and Kyong) with working harder in school for example. You did that too, but sometimes you also partied a little harder, were awake at three AM a little more often, missed him a lot more. It hurt letting someone you love go.

Jungkook and you had always been a bit...closer. Why you didn’t know, how you couldn’t possibly explain. But you were and him rising into the heights and new dimensions of being an idol destroyed this almost completely. This strange world of fame, those walls of flashing cameras, the flow of expensive goods and seas of screaming people, that was his world. He was a star, figuratively and somewhat literally. He shone more radiant, higher, longer, prettier and too bright for an innocent, young love to coexist.

So you stayed behind, soon having lost his number due to him having to change it, his contact information soon had less to say than what you could find on the internet.

His new hair colour? Well, you could google it. Height? Current weight? Several fan sights knew the answer. Achievements? The internet again.

It was strange, ridiculous to some extent. And it hurt. But you couldn’t blame him, so you never did.

⋄

When you had heard that you would be interviewing BTS last week you could help but feel scared. You hadn’t seen him face to face for three or so years, three years with no FaceTime, texting, three years of not seeing his bunny smile, smiled just for you.

And when you had seen him again, laid eyes on him for the first time in thirty-five months, you realised that nothing you ever felt for him had faded away. It was all the same again, your heart still jumped in your chest and your stomach still fluttered whenever he did as much as breathing. The only thing that had changed was his height and him having had the biggest glow up you had witnessed in your life, yours included – though this Jungkook would disagree vehemently.

This Jungkook who got pulled out of his thoughts and memories almost violently, as you directed a first question at him only.

“I…” he started, gulping hardly, having forgotten the question already halfway.

“Sorry I can’t – how have you been?” you stopped shortly, stunned and a tad confused at first. You hadn’t expected him to be so bold. Or clumsy, for that matter. Yet you couldn’t help but giggle, and all the unsaid words and ignored truths between the two of you disappeared into smoke, taking all tension with them. Just like that.

“I’ve been fine, Gukie. Busy. Long-time no see, hm. How about you?” somewhere behind the cameras someone dropped a pen and there were multiple gasps being heard. The rest of the bangtan boys didn’t look any better; Jimin had his mouth open, Taehyung was looking back and forth between the two of you, Yoongi just froze, Jin and Hoseok had clasped their hands in front of their mouths and Namjoon just looked like someone poured a bucket of ice water over his head.

But Jungkook? Jungkook was smiling widely, his bunny smile, smiled just for you.

“Busy too. Yes, very long time no see.” He replied sheepishly, a small laugh escaping his lips as he looked around the dead silent studio. “Why…how do you know each other?” Yoongi finally asked, eyes snapping back and forth between the two of you.

“Well I guess we have to tell them now. We know each other from back in Highschool. We were pretty close friends back then.” You explained softly, giving him a small smile. Jungkook nodded quickly. “My apologies. I didn’t wanted to completely ruin the interview but…I haven’t seen you in three or so years. Sorry.” You waved it off. “It’s okay, Jungkook. We will catch up later, alright?” Jungkook nodded, making the mistake of looking over to Namjoon, who looked like he finally understood everything. “Is that why you were so…never mind.” He ended in a mumble and Jungkook was glad he did.

⋄

The second the interview was officially finished and all the cameras shut off, Jungkook was on his feet and approaching you. He didn’t even care about formalities anymore as he just wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug.

The first thing he noticed was that he couldn’t nestle his face in the crook of your neck as easy as he had been able to do in high-school. The second thing was that you had changed your perfume into something more flowery and fresh. The third thing he noticed was how much he liked having you in his arms again, especially because he could now rest his head on top of yours.

The first thing you noticed was how broad your Kookie had become. Broad and tall and firm everywhere. The second thing you noticed was how he smelled more expensive, faintly musky but still very much like Jungkook. A scent you could pick out from a thousand, unique and everything you loved. The third thing you noticed was how familiar and how looked after you felt in his arms, how protected from every harm. You had missed this feeling.

“Aigoo, Junkookie!” Jin yelled from behind, causing you to chuckle embarrassed and trying to break the hug. But Jungkook simply tightened his arms around you, having no intentions of letting you go any time soon.

“Just ignore them. They’ll leave, eventually.” His voice was muffled by the skin on your neck, since he had now buried his face there, taking deep breaths.

“And we?” you asked with a small laugh, not moving either. “We stay. We catch up. Got a lot of that to do.” Sounded good enough to you…just that you had expected them to make a bee-line for the exit after the cameras cut due to their busy schedule.

“Catch up now?” you asked after a few seconds of him still having his arms around you, unmoving. The young man shook his head.

“No…not right now.” He took a deep breath, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, mumbling against your skin and the fabric of your blouse.

“In five minutes. Let me just hold you for a little while, you…you have no idea how much I missed you.”

If he only knew.

— ✩ thank u for reading ✩ —

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sheepfulsheepyardinspace · 4 years

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Do you have any Star Wars fanfic recommendations, or have a link to someone else's list? I really wanna veg out.

oh my god, DO I. this may have been the best ask in the world. i’m not really sure what u want a feel for, so i threw together some of my favorite longfics for maximum veg time from the ot/pt and links for swr and swtcw recs. they’re pretty much all luke-anakin/vader centric, since that’s kinda my bread and butter.

let’s start with frodogenic, who wrote the first longfic i ever read in sw and might be one of the funniest authors ever. they once reviewed my fanfic & i nearly cried from joy. anyway.

The Father, 284k+, complete. “Ten years after ROTS, tormenting nightmares of his unborn child drive Darth Vader to extraordinary measures with unexpectedly drastic consequences. Clearly, experience has taught Darth Vader nothing...”

this is my og star wars fic and boy oh boy is it amazing. i will never get over this. i don’t want to spoil anything but when i say the final chapters are great? i mean they’re legendary. sometimes i still think about them & wish upon a star that i could be such a great writer. vader’s amazing, han is spectacular, and the ocs are fantastic.

Far More Than Rubies, 70k+, complete. “Nine years after AOTC, tragedy revisits the Lars Homestead. Little Luke Skywalker is suddenly plunged into chaos as the rebel movements discover a secret military project that may make a crucial difference in the war with the Empire.”

the spiritual twin of The Father, FMTR takes a look at padmé’s character and relationship with both luke and anakin/vader that’s hard to beat. it’s darker and heavier than The Father, but it hits those same sweet, sweet emotional beats while raising the age-old question: if padmé had lived, what would she have done?

The Family Tree, 12k, complete. “In which Luke Skywalker is stranded in a tree waiting for a flash flood to recede. Too bad he's got company...”

okay, i admit, this isn’t a longfic, but it is a longshot, and it’s amazing. the imagery and description always blow me away, and the interaction (canon-compliant) between luke and vader just [chef’s kiss] get me. vader’s in full, glorious form, and it makes it all the harder when luke wrestles with the knowledge that vader is his father.

Sibling Revelry, 25k, complete. “After Bespin and before Endor, Darth Vader is shocked to discover that Luke and Leia are twins. He's even more shocked when Imperial Intelligence reports that Organa and Skywalker are, erm, a tad closer than previously suspected.”

this is complete crack and humor in the best way possible. it’s crack treated entirely seriously, and you will be in stitches, i promise. no matter how many times i’ve read this i break down.

KittandChips (@kittandchips) writes what i can only describe as food for the soul. the luke-vader interaction is insanely amazing, the world building of daily imperial life and imperial governance is amazing, and vader just has a special je ne sais quoi that u must read to understand––tragic, funny, and so, so fatherly. they’re currently rewriting the Force Bond Series to fit in with newer canon, so i will joyously binge reread the entire again (including the new Force Bond: Mustafar Weekend).

Force Bond 1: Orphan, 47k, complete. “After Owen and Beru are killed by a mysterious stranger, young Luke ends up as an orphan on Coruscant. It's a race against time as Obi-Wan struggles to find Luke before Vader realizes the boy is his son.”

Orphan kicks off the series, which tracks vader and luke’s relationship through the perils of luke’s teenagerhood while growing up under the eye of the emperor and imperial court. it’s filled with slow growth, struggle and misunderstandings as darth vader tries to single parent, and pay off in every installment. the entire series clocks in around 777k+ and is the most joyful, fulfilling reading you’ll ever have. promise.

darth-nickels (@darth--nickels) writes darker, twistier, and terribly, terribly heartwrenching aus. they’ve got a whole host, but let me introduce to my two favorites. also, check out their faux-academia on vader. it’s amazing and i love it, but i admit i am an academia hoe.

Dooku Captured, Pt 2, 16k, complete. “Dooku is taken alive onboard the Invisible Hand, and Sidious' web is torn. The Sith Lord wonders if death might have been preferable to clumsy interrogation by Anakin Skywalker.”

Dooku Captured is a longshot au told from Dooku’s pov which takes the beginning of ROTS and throws it on its head. it’s a fascinating outside perspective of anakin and obi-wan’s relationship and such and interesting examination of dooku’s psyche and especially his complex relationship with the jedi order, qui-gon, yoda, and palpatine. i cannot rec this one enough.

Black Mirror, 90k, incomplete. “The Ghost crew returns to the Lothal when they hear the Empire is investigating the Jedi Temple there. They learn Vader is alone and decide to take him out-- but what they find could change the course of Galactic history.”

Black Mirror diverges into swr territory, but make no mistake: this is entirely an examination of vader and, later, obi-wan as well as ahsoka. luke makes his appearance later in the game, and boy oh boy will you love luke’s portrayal is a microcosm of luke and vader’s relationship within canon. heed the tags, though.

jerseydevious ( @jerseydevious ) is, first and foremost, one of my favorite people on earth. secondly, though, she’s an amazing writer with a deep understanding of vader’s character and psyche, a flair for beautiful depictions, and the true ability to wring every emotion out of your body.

Two and a Half Men (with a baby), 13k, incomplete. “After a long day of bargaining with Hutts and attempting to ignore his past, Darth Vader is nearing the end of his rope. When he discovers his two-year-old son, it's the straw that breaks the semi-rational Sith Lord's back; in a rash act worthy of the Skywalker name, he scoops his son into his arms, steals a shuttle from his own fleet, and punches in random hyperspace coordinates to a destination on the other side of the galaxy. Unfortunately, father and son are not the only ones on the ship.”

Two and a Half Men will stick with you, dude. like no other. i promise. it’s a whirlwind ride with obi-wan, vader, and piett and as funny as it is heartbreaking. it touches on some heavy issues and doesn’t shy away from looking at the damage done to vader––again, heed the tags.

Helioseismology, 4k, complete. “Luke gets shot down on a supply run and caught in an ice storm. It's extremely lucky that his father followed him there.“

i’ll admit. im completely biased about this one because it was a birthday gift to me and i am sucker for litcherally anything when jd puts pen to paper, but believe me when i say you will be awed by the depth and tangled relationships between these luke and vader that jersey can illustrate in a stroke of the paintbrush. im love. always.

izzythehutt ( @izzythehutt ) i am blown away by the intricate dialogue and characterization, always. and the latin puns? im sold. im also a sucker for latin puns, but that’s a story for a different time.

In Loco Pirates, 34k, complete. “A down-on-his-luck Hondo Ohnaka manages to capture the unicorn of all bounties--Luke Skywalker, which sends Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, on a painfully familiar trip to the planet Florrum to collect his prize. The failed negotiations leave Vader in the awkward position of being stuck in a besieged pirate bunker, trying to balance keeping his wayward child safe (and in his custody) with controlling the tongue of a loose-lipped pirate who--to the surprise of no one--has a bad habit of telling 'amusing' anecdotes from the Clone Wars.”

hondo, aka the best character of swtcw, is brought to life just as vividly on paper as on screen. his entire personality brings luke and vader’s difficulties in a sort of incredulous light, which makes it as funny as it is vulnerable and tragic. the sequel, Palpatine Ad Portas, brings piett into the spotlight, and oh man do his interactions with palpatine and vader bring u all the uncomfortable vibes. relish in it.

sparklight ( @littlesparklight ) man. lemme introduce u to an amazing prolific and detailed writer. i will never get over the series they’ve written & neither will u.

Where Our Intrepid Hero Doesn’t Get Away, 122k, incomplete. “One-shots surrounding either AU situations of canon/legends works where Luke would normally have gotten away (or Vader is simply inserted into the action to come pick his child up) but in these instances doesn't, or completely new scenarios of the same. There are no deep ruminations on consequences of the situations here, just our awful Sith dad picking his son up when he'd rather not be.”

exactly what it says on the tin. u know those glorious moments of fanfic where luke’s gotten captured and ur on pins and needles, waiting for vader to show up in a moment of dark glory? here’s the moment. here’s all the moments.

Space Race, 122k, incomplete. “Owen gives in to Luke's wish to attend the Imperial Academy and Obi-Wan is too late to avert it, though he's not too late to make sure Luke leaves Arkanis before Vader can gets his hands on him. Luke spends over a month running around the galaxy before his father gets him, and from there...”

this story relishes in chase and boy is it fun. it will keep you on the edge of your seat and it’s an amazing ride.

The Suns of Tatooine, 85k, complete. “Luke ends up on a moon swamped in dark side energy after a mission goes wrong, then his father appears... and then they go on a bit of a learning experience. This could've been the only thing that would come of getting through a Sith complex with his father, but thanks to going to free Han earlier than the gang did otherwise, more revelations are had. Will that change anything?”

this series is a thoughtful, contemplative piece examining the nature of the force and the relationship the skywalkers have with tatooine. the descriptions are beautiful, the inventiveness is amazing, and you’ll be thinking about it for long afterwards.

an additional few…

Between Flight and Longing; 34k, complete. “Luke Skywalker and Han Solo journey to the planet Balen'ar on a desperate mission and find more than they'd bargained for.”

a classic and it is for a reason. the interaction between han, luke, and vader is so spectacular and the slow trudge of going through the forest with your greatest enemy and best friend is something hilarious. the end is bittersweet and fantastic.

The Sith Who Brought Life Day, 13k, complete. “An Imperial officer loses a bet and has to get Darth Vader a present for Life Day.”

somewhere between terrifying and dull, this fic presents a canon-compliant look at the hunt for luke and the grinding wheels of the empire. the oc is amazing and it echoes in true star wars spirit: sometimes it’s just some dude who can change the galaxy.

Quintessence, 5k, complete. ‘“Well, Master, I think I’ve found the one positive aspect of this situation.” “Which is?” “The Temple won’t have to pay the costs for our funeral pyres.”’

pure hilarity and shenanigans abound in pre-aotc obi-wan and anakin hijink goodness. lemme tell u––u will deeply sympathize with mace windu afterwards. additionally, check out the rest of the author’s oneshots! they’re deeply thoughtful and the interactions the author writes between obi-wan and anakin are always gold.

some extras & shameless self-promotion

here’s a full list of recommendations for star wars rebels fanfic in case this is what you’re looking for (remember when this used to be a swr blog, lmao)

i’ve also written sw fanfic, both swr and luke-vader centric. drop by and tell me if it’s any good!

#also if anybody knows these authors' tumblr accounts pls lmk so i can link them #guys remember piett?#i miss piett #firmus piett #star wars #star wars fanfic #sw fanfic #sw fic #three two one boom #jerseydevious #luke skywalker #darth vader #anakin skywalker #star wars rebels #late-in-the-day #idk if any of these r new at all to anyone #but they r my faves :)

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another-cancer · 3 years

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Season 3 Akumatizations

Part 1 and Part 2

This is the last part of me going through all the akumatizations due to an impulse after seeing some Marinette slander.

Chameleon - Lila willingly get’s akumatized. Therefore, her negative emotions weren’t valid.

Animaestro - This was a collective effort of everyone but Marinette since she was the only one to know who he was, but he is also supposed to be Astruc and I mean mans put himself in his own cartoon about teenagers and god he is problematic on so many levels.

Bakerix - This man was definitely racist to Sabine at some point in life. He got akumatized over Marinette’s bread. She proved she could do it just as well using a different technique. He lost pretty fair and square.

Backwardar - Ah one of the biggest misunderstandings on the show that tell us Mari sucks at writing ‘love’ letters. But from her perspective the love of her life didn’t want them to be together. Valid reason to be akumatized.

Reflekdoll - Unpopular opinion this was Alya not Marinette’s fault. But guess what? At the end Mari apologizes and Alya didn’t. Alya is a queen who is way to focused on getting Adrienette together and an enabler to Mari’s more toxic behavior. Juleka’s akumatization was valid. Also it gave us Lady Noire.

Weredad - Mari caused this one by lying. But it was hilarious. The first thing she thought of was “I’m in love with you.” Tom should have listened to what Marinette and Chat was trying to tell him though and ultimately got himself akumatized by shipping his daughter too much.

Silencer - Fuck Bob Roth. Valid. Akuma design was questionable but that declaration of love was amazing. Kinda ironic that this comes after Weredad in production order. Luka deserves better.

Oni-Chan - Kagami got akumatized for the wrong and right reasons. Idk this is complicated due to the fact the creator’s don’t seem like they are ever going to address the harassment issues on the show. I’m glad Kagami got akumatized I just wish it was because Adrien looked uncomfortable being kissed by Lila.

Miraculer. - Chloe. Valid. Wait a minute tho I swear Sabrina got akumatized twice once into the invisible girl.

Oblivio - No one caused this. They were making out in a closet and got caught.

Desperada - Jagged. They were fired I’d be pissed too. Also this changes so much with the new things we learn about Jagged in season 4. I mean like ruin’s his character changes things.

Christmaster - I also hate this kid. They need better children on this show one’s who don’t flip out over absolutely nothing.

Startrain - She got rejected from a fancy space program/job. Valid.

Kwami Buster - To be fair she should have looked more carefully at her evidence before going on TV with her thing. Especially, a show with Alec as the host. As we already established he’s an ass.

Feast (this is an amouk)

Gamer 2.0 - People were busy and that’s not their fault. The show needs to stop making it seem Mari is a bad friend while they continue to pile shit up on her. Also Max could have just waited a while.

Stormy Weather 2 - Chloe. This was definitely valid.

Ikari Gozen - Kagami’s mom is awful.

Timetagger - We don’t know. But I hate Chris so much.

Party Crasher - Adrien should have invited him as for if this is valid idk it kinda seems like an over reaction but at the same time everyone has cried once about not being invited for a party. Also how Mari was comfortable with being in a room with all men I will never know. And that party looked like it smelt.

Puppeteer 2 - Manon is the root of all problems. Goodbye.

Chat Blanc - Gabriel being an ass. Valid. This probably traumatized Mari.

Felix - Felix caused the three akuma’s in this eisode and they did this man so dirty. He was supposed to be hot in the PV and an MC. I hate this episode so much.

Ladybug (this is an amouk)

Loveater - Gabriel, not going to go into this.

Miracle Queen - I hate that she took the akuma willingly she was doing so well. I hate this episode and Chloe deserved better. She only caused two akuma’s this season. AHHH.

In conclusion, Mari is slightly problematic but she isn’t causing akuma’s. Chloe had growth the writers threw away. All the children are the worse. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

#miraculous #mlb #miraculous season 3 #ml marinette #on this blog we stan mari #akumatization

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smolbeandrabbles · 4 years

Text

This Is What You Came For - Nolan Sorrento x Reader (Ready Player One)

@mandy23b @wltz-bby @happyskywhale #mendotagsquad

GIF Credit: X

Nolan Sorrento + 29 - “How is my wife more badass than me?” Requested by @purebloodwitch Author’s Note: Alright! Second to last 100 Sentence Challenge request! We really are almost there now! 🙏😁 This is a Ready Player One AU. You’ll figure out the AU as you read 😉 I made... some Tron references in this! I don’t think enough to warrant you having needed to see it-! 😁 Maybe you’ll want to look up what exactly a Light Cycle is. (Specifically how you use one in Tron: Legacy) Also I know that the Cycle would technically be in her OASIS inventory but I really like the idea of her just carrying the stick around strapped to her belt or thigh or something to use it. So ignore that inaccuracy!

Disclaimer: AU / Neither RPO or Tron has anything to do with me. / gif not mine / lyrics not mine / References to Lacero

Premise: With the final Key of the OASIS up for grabs, and IOI certain that it will be theirs - you’ve become unnecessary. When it all goes wrong, there’s only one Sixer that can step up to the plate...

Words: 4948

Warnings: AU / Swearing

_______ Baby, this is what you came for Lightning strikes every time she moves Yeah Baby, this is what you came for Lightning strikes every time she moves And everybody's watching her But she's looking at you, We go fast with the game we play Who knows why it's gotta be this way We say nothing more than we need I say "your place" when we leave Baby, this is what you came for Lightning strikes every time she moves And everybody's watching her But she's looking at you --- Yes, I am gonna win, And I’ll light the fuse, And I’ll never lose And I choose to survive, Whatever it takes You won’t pull ahead, I’ll keep up the pace And I’ll reveal my strength to the whole human race Yes I am prepared to stay alive And I won’t forgive, vengeance is mine And I won’t give in because I choose to thrive Yeah, I’m gonna win! Race, It’s a race But I’m gonna win Yes, I’m gonna win

---

You weren’t supposed to be here. In fact you weren’t even supposed to be on standby near IOI plaza. You were supposed to be at home - a simple spectator to the final challenge. Today was, of course, the day that IOI claimed the third key. Your husband, the OASIS for himself. Buuuut, as usual with Nolan, it had to be done the hard way - and everything appeared to be going terribly.

It wasn’t so hard to get your motorcycle from point A to point B and before you knew it you were hurrying towards the War Room. You heard the whispers and murmurs get steadily louder as you rushed from room to room; but especially as you ran the walkways over the Oologists. Y/N’s here! Y/N’s here! Y/N’s here! Yeah - everyone knew what that meant.

“Y/N! Ms.Sorrento, I-!” His assistant caught you as soon as you flung the doors to the correct floor open. “Paul, now is not the time to tell me what Nolan does or doesn’t want me to do. It looks like he needs me and, regardless of that, I think the sixers need help.” Several of them stood to attention as you clambered up on one of the platforms ready to strap yourself in. Good kids that respected you. Well, that came with the territory, you had spent time training a few of the best here too. Michael, their drill instructor and another guy you liked plenty, rushed over to perform final checks and run down exactly what was happening with you, he knew this was serious too. “Shall I inform him you’re here!?” Paul seemed to be halfway to the door already, “Nah, he’ll figure out soon enough!” You gave Michael a fist bump as you pulled on your gloves. “Andrew up there?” Nolan’s head of security seemed pretty important to keep around right now. “Uh… I don’t know I-” “Don’t worry, just make sure he is.” You took a breath regarding your visor for a moment. Okay – time to teach these kids a thing or two, again.

You were something of a marvel within the OASIS yourself - though you weren’t about to brag about it. IOI’s secret weapon, and boy did they desperately need you right now. F’Nale, but with covert OASIS based operations. And you were very alike; you understood why Nolan trusted her as much as he did you. An “official” I-R0k; although you would never like the comparison, considering you could trust him about as far as you could throw him, and didn’t understand why Nolan had so much faith. You two didn’t get on, which is why you’d been left out of a lot of this key stuff. For this to run smoothly Nolan had to keep the two of you from clashing, and I-R0K was the one getting paid for things you would consider less than legal. Except you had two keys, and they ought to remember that. Besides, it looked like his faith was going well...

You glanced up to Nolan’s office with a gentle sigh as you slipped on your visor to log in. Am I going to have to rescue you again, husband dearest? Much like him you didn’t wear your wedding ring - his in a box in the left pocket of his jacket ‘over my heart, where it matters’ is what Nolan always said. Yours on a chain around your neck, which you would often kiss for good luck, as you did now. The familiar start up screen greeted you with those five letters you knew all too well; before presenting you with a host of IOI portal options. Your flashed smile was confident as you stepped towards one.

Sector 14, Anoraks Castle, Planet Doom

*** You knew what you were as much as everyone else did. Nolan’s last line of defence. IOI’s secret weapon. Everyone knew, if they didn’t already, that it was serious when you took to the War Room floor and suited up. You would never call yourself a Gunter and you certainly weren’t a Sixer in the traditional sense, you enjoyed your time in the OASIS sure – and you were probably in it a little too much for Nolan’s liking, but that made you perfect. You knew what you were doing, and you weren’t restricted. For one thing, your Avatar still retained her original name. Today you’d changed into your battle uniform, but usually you could blend freely with everyone else. Working for him sure, but unlike the Sixers you were invisible. Before you’d met Nolan Sorrento you’d been a stuntwoman – when movie making still existed. It didn’t make the transition to becoming a fitness instructor that hard, and eventually that led to becoming a personal trainer for the elite (no one else was paying for such a thing these days). Nolan wasn’t one of these people, Nolan was someone whose form you’d commented on once or twice to help – and also a man who infuriatingly thought he knew everything. He’d in no way been your favourite person, the kinda rich corporate asshole that thought his money could buy him everything. But he liked your attitude and soon enough you realised that Nolan was only pretending not to listen to you. You warmed to him, and he you – to the point you knew he wasn’t kicking around your gym just for his workouts. You got hired as his trainer, and then promptly dropped as you started dating. Nolan wasn’t one for dating people he hired, because he liked to avoid scandal, which is exactly why you weren’t an official IOI employee. But he was as married to his job as he was to you, so, it had to bleed into your life somewhere. Truth was when it came to your relationship you were firmly in the drivers’ seat; and Nolan Sorrento needed you. Badly. Possibly none more so than he did now. You’d spent this morning at home – wishing him good luck before he left and letting him know you’d be on standby. Nolan had flashed a confident smile, and told you you didn’t need to be. “We have that… Orb of Osuvox thing, you can take the day off.” You were pleased he was at least pronouncing it correctly, “Okay. But with two keys and being arguably the best Sixer you have-” He crossed the room and kissed your forehead, “Y/N. That’s exactly why you need to stay…” He took your hands in his, touching his head to yours, “If I keep you safe here, then I know if things start going wrong, we still have a chance.” “Babe…” You pulled back, “Am I not your chance?” “We have this.” His blue eyes flashed in over-confidence (Which was correct in hindsight!) “Relax. Watch it here instead. You’ve done your part.” You tipped your head, before pulling him to you fiercely by his shirt collar for a fiery kiss – you’d have removed it, if you didn’t know that he had to go. “Finish it.” He blinked hard and swallowed harder, to Nolan that felt like a promise. Like the and hurry back was lingering unsaid on your lips. “I… I will.” Only that was before you’d watched that level 99 magic artifact implode on him, and you’d reached for your motorcycle keys then. No matter what Nolan said; you were always going to be on standby for him, you would step in if necessary, no matter the cost. The only thing that kept you on the couch for any longer than that was watching the appearance of Mechagodzilla. Now there was a movie Nolan had you watching 1000 times and yet still waxed lyrical about. How excited he was to tell you he’d built one in the OASIS. You had gifted him with a miniature figurine of it for his desk, and there it sat, his pride and joy. It always made you smile when you saw it. But even his faithful mechanical monster wasn’t helping him this time. And as you watched that explode you sprung from the couch. “SHIT!” Did that mean Nolan would have zeroed? No, no, no, no! That shouldn’t have happened. This shouldn’t be happening! You snapped the viewing screen off and sprinted to the garage – very nearly cursing yourself. You should have gone with him; you should have pushed Nolan, made it clear he needed you for moral support and no wasn’t an option – then you’d have been at HQ right now. Hell, you should have BEEN on that field right now, you could have gone from here - but what you really needed was IOI intel, portals, and access to their inventory. The one thing that gave you pause before you started your bike ignition was the vibration of your phone in your pocket, you pulled it out; ‘He needs you.’ was all it said – hastily written by his assistant, you pocketed it again and took a deep breath. Hand stilled for a moment over the gold band pressed against your chest under your shirt. “Yeah… No shit.” You always felt at home on bikes – and felt that it was always a quicker way to navigate through the city. You’d get to IOI Plaza quicker than you ever would in a car at any rate. Your OASIS vehicle of choice was a Light Cycle – Tron was one of, if not your all-time, favourite 80s Pop Culture movie. Although your current mod meant you had a version closer to the type in Legacy, a little easier to carry around and extremely fun to mount. You’d always flashed Nolan a grin and referred to your bike as ‘an ACTUAL gold piece of 80s media’ only for him to scoff at you. But yours had won you that first key before anyone else in IOI had, and you got to waltz into his board meeting and practically demand to be employed. (Unsurprisingly, Nolan didn’t really want you involved. Oh, until you proved you could do it!) The Light Cycle games were also ever popular in the OASIS, and you were the current reigning champion. Those had cemented your place in the OASIS, rather than your role as an IOI agent – it was unsurprising that everyone assumed you were a gunter. Many had tried to beat you, and all had failed – now it was time to put all those skills to a different kind of test. Hopefully you could win this one too. Nolan was counting on it.

*** Your avatar materialised on just the right side of the battle. Maybe a little too close to danger, though. You took a couple of steps back from the shattered bridge, giving only an obliging glance to the lava before turning to the castle; the real fight was in here. “Taking the bridge out isn’t a bad idea… I suppose…” – It was likely the only credit you would give I-R0K. This particular part of the planet looked like more of a winter scene than the rest of it. And not from any cheery Christmas movie, you thought, much more like the Day After Tomorrow. The wind whipped your avatar’s hair around and left a distinct chill on your VR gear; you shivered against the cold involuntarily before you broke into a run, hoping you weren’t too late. You had highly modified your avatars coding, twice, for these exactly moments. Within seconds you deployed her fairy-like wings. You couldn’t remember exactly when you’d last used them practically, rather than for extra show. But if ever there was a time, it was now. Beneath what you could hear from the OASIS itself was the nearly comforting noise of the war room and the murmur rippled – this was serious business. You could leave nothing to chance. The sound of real fighting echoed off the ice as you kept running, letting you wings vibrate against the cold air to give her lift, hopefully this would work! *** At first Parzival wasn’t sure what exactly had hit him, only that his right hand side had taken the brunt of the force. Luckily not enough to take out his armour quite yet. Looking up, he faced an avatar he’d never seen before skidding across the ice to a stop, whereupon she used her wings to right herself. Those must have been coded by the person to whom she belonged; he’d never seen a mod like that. He suddenly found himself with a sense of dread; dressed in a black leather jacket reminiscent of Sorrento’s own, underneath was a T-Shirt emblazoned in lights: IOI-6whatever-her-number-was. A Sixer?! But with an avatar like that she wasn’t just a regular one. He stood shakily, eyes flicking back to Sorrento – who looked more than a little surprised that she’d just joined the fight. Parzival smiled; Nolan was off guard – now was his chance. Z got just two paces – albeit at a very good run – before you were back in front of him. Every step he took you mirrored; wings stretched out defensively. These might have been kids, but you weren’t opposed to getting up in his face. Your eyes glittered in a way that made the colour seem unnatural (your favourite, if he was wondering), and Parzival was forced to take a slight step back. “Don’t. Fucking. Touch him.” You were more than happy to take the space he’d conceded. “Fine. I’ll just take both of you!” You had to give him credit, almost admired the attitude, eyes narrowed. Parzival wasn’t about to back down without a fight; hell, you might even find this one enjoyable. “You sure about that when you can just walk away now – it might be less painful for you.” “This is my world – and I’ll protect it from IOI and HIM by any means necessarily!” You sighed, with a shrug, “Suit yourself-!” There was just no way around you. Parzival realised he’d have to go through you and he wasn’t sure how many more of these painful hits he could take. You were highly trained and knew what you were doing – it raised so many questions as to why he’d never met you before. “Y-Y/N!” “Save it!” You didn’t even turn to Nolan’s avatar as you snapped, holding your hand up to silence him, give this kid an inch he’d likely take a mile. (Also you weren’t entirely happy anymore about your husband leaving you behind, but now wasn’t the time for that). You went for Z again – weapons unnecessary; your avatar was fine with relying on your own fighting skills and knowledge. Especially in close combat – magic was nice, but you’d still take your own instincts over that. Really you should have told him he didn’t have a chance, and you weren’t bad at dodging his tricks either. Given you were IOI’s best kept secret, there was probably too much going on in Parzival’s head right now to keep focus on what he was doing. He didn’t have any friends to save him. Your next sharp strike had him down on the floor – flashing red in warning that any second, he could be taken off the board. And it was painful, you made sure of that, to keep him there for a minute. You had a couple of other idiots to deal with before you removed him from the top of the scoring. For the first time since you’d got here you acknowledged the cavernous area you found yourself in; it seemed to be nothing but ice and stretched on endlessly. That chill still clung to your VR equipment and as you caught your breath it fogged up in the virtual air. I-R0K pulled you back to the matter at hand; “You’re a little late to the party don’t you think-!?” You didn’t even regard him properly, eyes flicking across, face hardened; “Shut your damn mouth. I got here didn’t I-!? Thought you boys wouldn’t need my help. Thank me later.” Then as a snarky aside, “This is all on you, I guess? A lot of good your plan did-!” “It woulda been fine. It’s your company that was infiltrated.” You did actually turn to Nolan then, arms folded, “HIS company.” Nolan looked a little affronted, but held his tongue. You knew he wasn’t about to chide you for being here. Looking between them again you couldn’t help but smirk; “I see your little orb didn’t work.” “It was taken down from the inside.” “...Exactly.” That still counted, you didn’t know why I-R0K was trying to pretend that it didn’t. “That’s not my fault.” “No one thought to just turn it back on?” They looked to each other and you realised it’d never crossed anyone’s mind, “Oh god, men!“ You ran your hand over your face; “So. What happened?” Nolan came in to defend his old friend from your onslaught – painfully aware of how much you didn’t get on; “It’s not exactly on him, my rig did get hacked.” You raised an eyebrow, “You still using that ridiculous password?” “Yeah.” His eyes flickered gold. “You still got it on a post-it?” “No.” His answer was far too quick, voice pitched slightly, and you sighed folding your arms once more, “I told you to change it.” It sounded like something a teen would use anyway - Bo55man69? Who was Nolan Sorrento kidding? “I… I was getting to it!” He stuttered as you gave him a hard look. “Little late for that... if you two idiots will excuse me!” Then you finally regarded the third man in the room looking between you utterly confused, yet still on the floor where you’d left him. Best not to leave him unchecked for long – you could bicker with these boys all day, it wouldn’t win Nolan the final key. “Now, Parzival, where were we?” The teen stood on his feet, he had a couple of tricks left, he knew that – maybe back up would even arrive. In fact, he was sure that if he just swept you from the equation it wouldn’t be so hard to take out the other two. Parzival leant around you to regard the Cataclyst, half buried in snow. Maybe he could use that as leverage, Sorrento might not care about setting foot in here again, but he surely wanted control. He wasn’t sure you and the other one would be best pleased about the prospect of Zeroing out. You followed his eyeline, and in that split second where your concentration wasn’t on him, he darted forward; “Oh no, you don’t!” Nolan dodged to the side, which was kinda unhelpful, because he was a lot bigger than both of you so could probably have taken a decent hit with his Avatar no problem. But, sure, instead he was content to watch you scrap with a kid over the most destructive device in the OASIS. You dragged Parzival back across the ice, letting your wings do most of the (literal) heavy lifting. “Why are you making this so hard-!?” “I can’t give up!! Not for everyone that actually knows a damn thing about what this place stands for!” You laughed, dropping him and firmly positioning yourself between Nolan, the Cataclyst and him. “Trust me, you’re only seeing what you want to see about the OASIS. You’re only seeing what you want to see about Nolan too, but you’re also a man running out of time. You can leave, right now, you can stand down. Parzival you have choices.” “I’ll NEVER let the OASIS fall into the hands of IOI.” You weren’t exactly sure how he was going to get out of it, but if he wanted to continue to fight you, you were down with that. “Suit yourself, but when this ends – remember I gave you the choice.” He came at you again, and this time you knew the only option was to take him out. *** For just a moment you let yourself regard Parzival sympathetically. In all honestly you got it, why everyone had gathered here to stop IOI from swallowing up their favourite pastime. But their perspective was what they saw, IOI and its loyalty centres. Your husband, the face and the front of that. On any other given day, you’d be on the other side fighting him and you knew that. You were painfully aware of it. But you knew him; you knew you couldn’t change the company and Nolan needed the support of IOI to get to this point. Maybe Loyalty would go, maybe it would stay – maybe when he got what he wanted, you could persuade Nolan to do anything. But he needed this. For what the OASIS had done to his family, he needed this more than the kid standing in front of you. And that was your only thought. “Sorry, kid.” And you meant it as you delivered that final blow. Parzival zeroed. For him, the game was over. There was eerie silence for a minute and you looked to the floor, feeling solemn, folding your wings away again. That would weigh heavily on you for weeks, you knew. From across the field the two men watched you in disbelief. You had actually done it. IOI was guaranteed the win. After all that, Nolan Sorrento only had to clear the final challenge. “How is my wife more badass than me?” Nolan murmured, shaking his head slow. “Well I don’t really think it’s that hard-!” He glared at I-R0K momentarily, eyes sparking back to that gold, before you spoke up. “Leave.” “What?” You didn’t even look across to I-R0K, “Your job is done here and I want you gone.” “Are you kidding me!?” “Unless you want to zero out too.” Your eyes were harsh and cold, and despite the obvious grumble Nolan nudged his friend, nodding in agreement. “You got me this far, old friend… You’ll be well paid.” You received a glare, before he jabbed a finger at you, “Don’t you DARE mess this up-!” and with that, logged out of the game. Now alone, you regarded Nolan properly for the first time since you got here. You wanted to run to him, but you knew it wasn’t over. You still had to beat the challenge and get the key. “Where are you?” He spoke first. “Downstairs.” You gave a little nod, “Andrew with you?” “…Yes.” At least his security was there, that seemed important to you. Even if the fight was in the OASIS. “You came all the way here… for me?” You titled your head, Nolan already knew his own answer, it was his lack of belief that got you; “I couldn’t let you do this alone. Not after what I saw.” “Guess I should have let you come.” “Well…” You smiled gently, “I’m here for you now.” *** You both stood in front of the final problem, with you looking for a final solution. They had won it and still failed, that wasn’t the key. It had to be something so Halliday and so out there, that it was so obvious… that’s what made it so hard. Nolan was a little less patient with you; “So how do you beat it? If it’s not about... winning?” You looked up to him, with a raised eyebrow. How exactly was he going to run the OASIS again? Maybe you’d be best zeroing him and winning it all for yourself. “Boy, you still got a long way to go.” You nudged him gently with your elbow and went back to studying the game hard; “It’s the right game we know that - the ice broke after a minute for everything else except for this one. But winning can’t be the objective.” Then it clicked; “Oh-! Of course.” “Of course what?” He was still clueless. You were trying to imagine the OASIS full of all Nolan’s favourite pop culture references instead. You didn’t think you’d find yourself complaining at all the 90s/00s obscurities somehow. As long as he kept Tron – or it’d be divorce. Instead you pointed to the retro TV; “The whole damn competition is about Easter Eggs and this game... was the first one.” You picked up the controller with a smile, “It’s about finding the Easter Egg-! Literally!” Nolan tipped his head, curiously, as you continued to explain, “Warren Robinett hid his name on the start screen, sort of, back in a time when creators didn’t get shit for things they worked so hard on...” you nodded back towards Nolan, “Kinda think you’d know a little about that.” Glad it wouldn’t show up on his OASIS avatar, Nolan’s faced burned slightly at your mention of his Gregarious days. He didn’t have to say anything though, his eyes had a habit of changing colour to give away his emotions and they’d flicked back to gold. “So, you can beat it?” “If that’s the answer, yeah!” You gave a single confident nod, coupled with a gentle smile And for once he smiled too, one so beautifully genuine all you wished was that you were seeing it on his actual face; “You’re a star!” “Oh no.” You shook your head firmly; “Your Oologists found the game, they deserve the credit. They deserve a hell of a lot - let’s be honest here!” And you’d make sure they got it, you did always like checking in on the kids and asking them about their latest piece of Halliday trivia whenever you happened to be kicking around HQ. You swallowed hard; “Okay, Noe, lets just hope I’m right!” *** The gravitas of the moment demanded you to stare up at Halliday’s avatar with a certain level of respect. It felt too wrong to be right. But you knew the man you’d married, and hopefully this would give him just the opportunity needed to show more than only you who he really was. You bowed your head, before stepping forward to take the Crystal Key delicately as it was offered. Voice soft as you bit your lip. “Thank you…” As you did so, the ice before the both of you cracked, raising from it a door of the same gem stone. You hopped down from the podium and back across to your husband, who was staring at the door with the same type of hesitation. You noticed his hand was over his heart – because even in Nolan’s haptics he would be able to feel that wedding ring digging into his skin, transferred to his shirt pocket when he wasn’t wearing his jacket. You couldn’t help your little smile at how absentminded and soft it was. He wasn’t even thinking about the OASIS when he was sitting in his office doing that. “Is this really happening?” “Uh huh.” You looked to the door, “Let’s go see what’s really waiting on the other side.” “Y/N- Wait-!” But you were already jumping across the ice path towards it and Nolan had no choice than to follow you to the door. Three holes for the three keys; yours were his and you took a step back from him. But he was still hesitant. “What?” “After all this, I just can’t…” “Honey…” You took his hand and made him look back to you, “You’ve wanted this for five years.” You looked back to the final key in your hand, taking a deep breath, “This is what you came for.” “What if I do the wrong thing?” “I know you.” You held the Crystal Key out for him, “You won’t.” Nolan took it from you gently, opening his inventory for the other two, Copper, then Jade… before he looked back to the Crystal one and paused again. You wondered what was happening around you, mass cheering? Were people upset? Your focus was Nolan, everything else was drowned out. Everyone knew what the official line for the plan was. Could the man you loved go ahead with it, that was the question – even if it was only on your lips. You regarded him for a minute, key in one hand, your fingers laced with his other and you wondered if he would really go through with it. Nolan had long had issues with the OASIS; it was in part responsible for the death of his sister, and he also held the belief that people spent far too long escaping the problems of the real world here instead of facing the ones outside. Now he truly had the keys to the Kingdom - would Nolan Sorrento shut it all down? Would he monetise it? He pandered that one to board and shareholders alike, but could he really go through with such a thing? You didn’t like to guess that he could - but making it exclusive to those that could afford it wouldn’t solve his problem. Those that could afford it would be pivotal in fixing the world, after all.

Nolan glanced to you and exhaled, squeezing your hand a little tighter, he’d dreamt of shutting this down since he’d lost her. And that’s what he really talked to you about in the dead of night curled up in your arms when no one else could hear. He gave a firm nod and turned back towards the door “Okay. Let’s do this...” Then looked back to you, placing your avatar’s hand over his, “You got me here, Y/N. So I won’t do this without you.” You could feel yourself start to well up, you weren’t one for crying and usually you’d curse yourself. But this once you’d let them come. “Nolan…” I love you. I love you too. I love you SO much. He gave a nod of encouragement, and a gentle smile – you returned both. “On my count…”

Whatever came next, and whatever Nolan chose to do here - you’d do it together.

---

15/16! Woo hoo! We’re there! One more to go and we’ve done it!! 😁

Thank you for reading and enjoying these so much so far! Hopefully we’ll go out with a bang! 😉💙

#nolan sorrento #ready player one #ben mendelsohn #nolan sorrento x reader #There will never be enough Nolan Sorrento on my blog #Rie #(Officially my AU baby now)#175 #Linzi Writes #Smol Bean Drabbles #Linzi Writes Requsts #100 Sentence Challenge

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hiddles-evans-hallucinations · 4 years

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Request: “can i request? reader is typically not that affectionate but would cuddle&sometimes sit on someones lap when shes drunk. Lately Chris is alway the ones she goes to when drunk bc hes always nice to her&goes along with it but one day she overhears him kinda complaining about it so shes stops going to him and instead goes to tom holland since the two are close from working together and are about the same age. After a while Chris starts noticing that she doesn’t go to him anymore and gets jealous” - By Anon

Pairing: Chris Evans x Famous Reader

Genre: Fluff, Young-adults,

Warnings: 18+, sensitive background, explicit language, age gap

Note: Oh another famous reader and all that, I love eeht! Thank you for the request! My request are still open btw! And please also let me know if you want your request to be short or long. Hope you enjoy this!

Tag list: @patzammit - tag list are open! Lemme know through my inbox! <3

*gifs are not mine*

You were known by the public because your dad is an actor, even though you don’t go out with paparazzi, a lot of friends are way more famous than you. Famous like your dad or even more. Like Tom Holland, Chris Evans, Justin Bieber, Sebastian Stan, and also because you dated some famous people in the past, Chris Pine, Orlando Bloom, Nicholas Hoult and Niall Horan. You are a very social person but those who knows you well know enough that you are not affectionate enough, it just happens when you’re drunk; a complete clingy and lovey dovey person. And you agreed that it’s one of the reason why your past relationships never worked out.

You agreed to go to Ellen’s birthday party and when it comes to Ellen’s parties, you know you’re gonna get fucked up. You never know how she keeps it up, and she knows for sure that you’re not a lightweight drinker, a heavy one if you have to say but it all come crashing down when she’s the one that’s hosting the party.

“Aw shit.” you said over the phone when she called, you are just around the corner near her house. “I’m about to go home.” you added as you hear Ellen’s laugh with the music blasting in the background.

“Hey, come on! It’s my birthday!”

“Fine!” You said, Portia take over the phone and say, “I can’t believe you’re about to say no to your godmother.” oh and Ellen is your godmother.

“Fine, fine! I’m pulling over!”

You hung up and look down at what you’re wearing. You frown, you were just done with work; you’re a fashion designer who owns your own clothing brand. You know that when it’s Ellen’s birthday, the paparazzi would follow you to your office that day in downtown LA.

When you were about to walk out of your car, Tom calls.

You answer by not saying anything, he hates it when you do it. “Where are you?” he asks as you spray perfume all over you. “Ellen’s.” “Oh, I’m almost there too!”

You raise your brow at him. “She invites you?”

“I think it was a mistake, she was talking to RDJ and I happen to be there in the middle of them talking-”

“Oh my god, bye.”

“See you, my darling!”

You roll your eyes and hung up at him. You know where to park at Ellen’s, it’s basically your second home and you don’t need a valet to take your car for you.

You walk in greeted by Portia. “Beyonce is here.” she whispers.

“No way?”

“Yes way!” she squealed, knowing that you love Beyonce so much, your mouth hangs open.

Ellen pecks your head, “Happy birthday, godmother.” you joked as she rolled her eyes at you.

You walk into the bar and get yourself gin and tonic as a hand landed on your back, you turn around and find Sebastian Stan. “What’s up, lady!” he screamed. You smiled and find a lot of the Avengers actors is here, you spotted Chris looking at you across the room. You partied with these guys more than anyone, since you’re only a year older than Tom, you spend a lot of your time socializing and not touching people. Seb used to say, “LOL at you cause hugging is good for you.” but you can’t help it, your parents divorced because your mom was so abusive, and since then you never liked it when people touches you.

Seb says, "Your dance partner is right there." he pointed his head to Chris' direction. You flushed, your head went back to the text Anthony Mackie sent you where you were dancing all night with Chris and got a little bit too comfortable. Every time you party and there’s Chris, you don’t know why you’re always open to be affectionate and it only happens when you’re drunk.

“(Y/N)!” Tom screamed from across the room, you were sure that everyone who heard him gave him a look. You give him a one-arm hug, he laughed knowing that this is as far as you can get and it’s still progress. You worked with Tom before and have become closer after and it’s also because you’re the same age as him, just a year older.

After you said hi to everyone, Chris smiled at you, you blushed.

How embarrassing is this, (Y/N)? You said to yourself as Anthony came in with tequila shots. You shot him a look and he smirks, “Come on, we wanna see you dance like few weeks ago. I heard you still do ballet? No wonder why you can move like that, they say.. girls who ballet will shake that ass and bring a shock therapy to men like us.” Your eyes shot open that it almost fell out of it place.

“Jesus Christ, Anthony, what the fuck?” You said taking the shot from his hand and shoot it down your throat. “Hey, come on, you can dance, embrace it.” he was about to put his arms around you but know your boundaries.

“Oops, okay, hug you later.” he hands you another shot.

After eight-glasses of gin and tonic, one screwdriver, too many tequila shots, you finally take off your outer and started to make your way to Anthony who’s pulling the invisible robe to his way. You threw your head back, as you walk to the dance floor, everyone cheers you as you laugh.

Chris looks at you, licking his lower lip, young blood, he thought, every time (Y/N) gets to this point, she dances like no other, and when she grinds on him, he wants to do things to her. And he knows that she dances with everyone platonically but sometimes he wish more.

“Girls have fun” by Tyga started to play in the background, you were dancing with a glass in hand, Seb lights up his cigarette as Anthony dance enjoying himself and the music.

You saw Chris sitting down, you walk to him and grab both of his hands but he’s way stronger than you so you fall onto his lap. This is what the picture looked like at the party few weeks ago. You find yourself wrapping your hands around his neck as he chuckles. When you sat on his lap it could be all night, you’d have conversations and he even stayed at your place, doing nothing but cuddling.

You both are friends and you guys hang out a lot, partying together a lot, so you see it as a platonic gesture when you’re affectionate and clingy towards him when you’re drunk. Tom was one of the victim of your drunk clinginess, he still does sometimes but when he’s not in LA and every party you attend there’s Chris and he’s the closest friend you have out of everyone in the room, mostly.

“I got more money than her ex!” people sang the line of “Nothin’ Like Me” by Chris Brown as you drag Chris to the dance floor, your hands wrapped around his. He laughed and just when he place both his hands on your waist the music changed to “Beware” by Big Sean.

This is yours, Mackie’s and Chris’ favorite song to sing out at parties.

Okay, skeet, smoke Sleep, call Miss, text Woke, spoke Lie, feel, Lisa ew Time, kill, months, still.

“I got somebody baby calling me daddy!” Anthony and Chris shouted.

They look at you to finish the other line as you scrunch your hair up and sang, “I drink too much please call me a cabby.” they both laughed at you, the room smells like nothing but alcohol. The music never seem to stop.

All of you went to sit to talk, you sit in between Tom and Chris, you rest your head on Chris’ shoulder. But when you were about to get water, you feel dizzy and landed on Chris’ lap. “Oh this is comfortable, as always.” you slurred.

Chris looks at (Y/N) as she sits on his lap, he enjoys it usually, but now it’s getting annoying, she just keeps sitting on his lap, and it only happens when she’s drunk, she feels like she’s doing this to take advantage of him and not caring about what he might feels of this.

“Okay, I got to go home.”

Chris sighs in relief as (Y/N) make her way out after hugging everyone and kissing his cheek.

I don’t know how long she’s gonna keep it up, Chris thought.

. . . .

A month have passed since Ellen’s birthday party, you were fucked the next morning and you keep on telling everyone at your HQ to stop screaming when they’re not. You drink coffee like a lunatic at meetings and you never want to take your shades off that day.

Tonight, you’re in New York, and you are invited by Seb, he said it’s kind of a Marvel casts party but everyone’s bring everybody, it’s kind of intimate party but not really, the party where everyone know each other, so, why not invite you when you’re also in town.

You can see paparazzi outside as you walk in covering your face. You were wearing the same outfit from opening another store in Manhattan and you didn’t want to change because it’s too much work.

“Looking good, Miss (Y/L/N)!” The paparazzi called out but you ignore him.

You walk out of the elevator of the penthouse and Scarlett Johansson pulls you in for a hug immediately, not caring about you think and also because she’s already tipsy. “Why are you late?! Everyone is almost drunk!” you laughed, trying to ignore the fact that she’s still hugging you now.

You notice that it’s not as crowded as you thought it’d be.

You excuse yourself to go the bathroom to fix your makeup. You open the door and leans closer on the mirror to check on your makeup. You reapply your lipstick and add some more blush just slightly.

You were putting your things back to your clutch when you hear Chris’ and Anthony’s voice.

“Is (Y/N) gonna be here?” Chris asks.

“Yeah, Scarlett told me she’s already here.”

Chris groans, you stop yourself from being seen by them. “What’s up with you?”

“It’s just, when she’s drunk, she’s like clingy and sitting on my lap and stuff, it gets... annoying.” your heart sinks.

You’re trying to not be so hard on yourself and say, “Told ya, it’s gonna be like this when you’re affectionate.” to yourself.

“Dude? What? Anyone will take her, but remember, you know her. Platonic Evans... Platonic.” You hear their footsteps fades as you walk out.

You were avoiding Chris the whole night, you stayed with Tom and talk with RDJ, Scarlett and Mark. The party isn’t as loud as Ellen’s, everyone can still talk to each other without yelling.

You’ve been drinking and you can feel it hits fast and right. “I’m sorry if I’m gonna be handsy and clingy to you.” You said to Tom. Tom looks at you weird, “What? You are the person that everyone waits to get drunk so they can have your arms all around you.” he pulls you into his lap as you continue to talk.

Chris watches you from across the room, he knows when your eyes are different from all the alcohol, you’ll be where you are right now. But, he feels something was off. You didn’t say hi to him, you waited for Mackie to come to you to say hi, you talk with Seb then to everybody but him. Usually, this time you’d take his hands to dance or you’d just sit on his lap, but not tonight. You hold onto Tom, talking to him, laughing with him.

Chris would see it as normal, but tonight because you’re avoiding and he noticed it, it feels different. He wanted to be Tom or at least get you away from Tom.

You feel sick, and Tom can feel it. He turns you around so you are facing as he ask, “You okay?” you shook your head no.

“Have you eaten today?”

“No.”

“Why? That’s why you’re off too fast.” he said, rubbing your back. Chris sees how your skirt lifts up a little bit too high revealing your thighs when Tom shifts you around to face him.

I don’t like what I see, Chris thought to himself.

You rest your head against Tom’s cheeks, Anthony walks in and mouth “Is she okay?” Tom chuckles, shaking his head no as he continues to rub your back. Anthony grabs you a glass of water and hands it to Tom.

But, before he can give it to you, you feel like everything’s gonna come out.

You sit up straight and say, “I need to go.” covering your mouth, Chris was fast and you didn’t even know where you came from as he throw you over his shoulder and take you to the closest restroom.

You can feel your head spinning those drinks you just counted keeps on adding up and not to mention, you’re in this state fast because you haven’t eat and you drink with your usual amount of serving.

Chris holds up your hair as everything came out through your throat that feel nothing but bitterness and sourness. Oh, great, you thought.

He helped you up once you’re done, but you avoid his eyes still. You wash your mouth, opening the drawer and find a new toothbrush and brush your teeth and tongue.��

You feel disgusting from all the vomit.

Chris looks at you, wondering what happened all these weeks you two went to party together all touchy but tonight, you’re so distant.

Once you’re done brushing your teeth, Chris said, “come.” you just look at him through the mirror before turning to him.

He holds out his hand but you rejeted his offer by gesturing him lead-the-way with your hands.

Chris took you to the kitchen that’s far from all of the crowds. “Here, drink this.” he hands you a cup of americano.

“Thanks.” you said, grabbing your phone out of your clutch, only finding that it’s already 2 AM.

You text back your friends, and texted Tom back.

T: I’m going. Please, let me know when you’re home.

(Y/N): Sobering up, thank you. See you soon.

You keep on finding apps to open to avoid Chris’ eyes that seems to never leave you out his sight. You don’t feel anything but embarrassed, and you want this to stop; being all touchy and affectionate only when you’re intoxicated.

“Look at me,”

You ignore him, opening Instagram and uploads a picture of you and Tom drinking together as RDJ posed with his arms crossed over his chest on your Insta Story.

“(Y/N).”

“What?” You said looking up to him, placing your phone on the counter. Chris holds up his hands in defeat hearing your tone. You look down, ashamed. You’re full on sober now, but you hate the fact that you are because now you have to talk to him.

Chris said, “I don’t like seeing you with Tom like that.” you give him a are-you-serious look.

“Why? Are you jealous?” You scoff.

“Yeah, I think I am jealous.”

“You think? I thought it’s annoying when I sit on your lap and be all handsy.”

His eyes widens. “Wha.. what?”

“I heard you, Evans, and I’m fucking sorry I did all of that and made you uncomfortable, I couldn’t fucking help it, but you don’t really have to say that.” you said, you never even confront anyone, you avoid conflicts, but you feel like you need to say it to him since you both are friends.

Chris make his way to you as you lean against the counter. “I’m sorry you have to hear that, I know, I know, I’m a dick for saying those things. But..” he place a hand on your waist as you hold your breath trying to not panic.

“Why are you only doing it when there’s alcohol involved? You know I’d want you to do it and be okay with it when you’re not intoxicated.”

You roll your eyes at him, “Chris, you know me long enough to know I can’t have people touching me.” He briefly looks at your lips then back to you.

“And whatever it is with Tom is none of your business.” you added, but you don’t shifts away from his hand on you.

“I’m sorry, but I still don’t like it.”

“Well, you don’t like it either when I’m on you, so.” you shrug, looking away. Chris turns you around and press your body against his so close that you gasps. “I don’t like you on me when you’re intoxicated, but this..” he breathes against your neck.

“I’m here for it.”

You find yourself smiling. “So, you’re jealous?” he nodded as he rest his chin on the side of your head, he’s too tall to have his chin on your shoulder.

You take a deep breath to place your hand on top of him. “I am, very much. I might have to show you how jealous I am.”

You gasp and turn to him. “Oh no, you’re not.”

Chris chuckled, amused before cupping your face. “People desire your touch and I long for it with you in a state like this.” he leans forward, his face is an inch away from you.

“So, please, my request, specifically, don’t do it with other guys.”

“Well, you don’t like it with you-”

He cuts you off by pressing his lips together against yours.

While the one hand’s caressing your face, the other hand trails on the side of your thigh, trailing up to the inside of your skirt.

“You’re mine, now.” he murmurs against your lips.

“Show me then.”

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Carry The Fire Podcast with Gerard Way: Full Transcription

Welcome to Carry The Fire, a podcast where we explore the big questions of life through the lens of the good, the true, and the beautiful. I’m your host, Dustin Kensrue, and my hope is that through these conversations with people of diverse and divergent backgrounds and beliefs, we can glimpse the world anew through each other's unique perspectives.

Gerard: Fiction is something to a degree that you'll hide behind in a way, and it allows you to expose yourself… I always saw the characters that I've played as some aspect of myself turned up to 12... Overall, I considered The Black Parade to be a death fantasy… death and rock and roll were kind of intertwined… Every time you get onstage you have to be prepared to die.

Dustin: Hey everybody. It is episode five of Carry The Fire podcast. Today we are joined by Gerard Way who is the singer of the band My Chemical Romance as well as also having released some killer music on his own. He has spent the last few years though, spending most of his time writing comics, including the very popular Umbrella Academy comics which have recently been adapted into a great show on Netflix. In our conversation, we talk about creating worlds and inhabiting characters, we talk about the beauty and the difficulty of creative collaboration, the complexity of trying to incorporate time-travel into a story, and we also get into Gerard’s spirituality a bit, and I want to give a brief heads up for some of you regarding that.

Gerard is going to talk a bit about magick and witchcraft. While I’m no expert on either, I do know enough to know that these words in this context probably don’t mean what most of you think they do. Some of you might not bat an eye hearing them but a lot of you probably came up inside a worldview where someone who was interested in these things was considered very evil. Gerard is very far from that. If I can try to provide a new framework for you it would be this: Generally, modern practices of magick and witchcraft, while being diverse in form, incorporate various insights and rituals from animistic pagan and folk religion, as well as incorporating some psychological intuitions from different fields and traditions. Practitioners generally tend to be very concerned with the earth and our connection with it. While this is not my spiritual tradition or practice, I recognize that we all have things to learn from each other. I think especially the ideas in these traditions about finding our place within the natural world are a helpful corrective to a lot of the western traditions’ tendency to want to dominate over nature, rather than seeing ourselves as a part of an interconnected web of being. I had no idea we’d be talking about any of this going into this conversation, but in the spirit of this podcast, I was so excited to hear from another unique perspective on the good, the true, and the beautiful, and I hope you will be too. Let’s get into it.

Dustin: Thank you so much for doing this.

Gerard: No problem.

D: It's super good to see you.

G: You too!

D: I'm trying to think of the last time we even saw each other and I- it was probably on tour.

G: Was it on the arena tour?

D: That's what I'm thinking.

G: It's been a long time.

D: And we were playing a bunch of World of Warcraft.

G: Yeah! That's my strongest memory. I have a lot of great memories of you guys, obviously, but the one that sticks out in my head the most is when we're all playing Warcraft in this big room and you had to go onstage, and you literally had your rig hooked up, you had your in-ears, they weren't in yet, but you were wired up, and I believe you even had a guitar, and you were still playing. You went literally from the keyboard from the computer right on stage.

D: Dude, I got way too addicted to that game. It's your guys' fault.

G: It was our fault, yeah!

D: Oh dude, it was so fun. It was probably like, what? Eight or nine of us playing in a room.

G: Yeah!

D: I don't know if it was the tour after that or two, and I had started just dreaming in Warcraft, and I went onstage one day and I was onstage and I had this moment where I was like, "I'm done! I can't," because I had tried to wean a little bit and it wasn't working, so I was like, "I gotta go cold turkey."

G: Yeah.

D: And I got offstage and I gave someone the Warcraft and I said, "Don't give this back to me. I'm done. I deleted it." Yeah. Which is funny because I seriously hadn't played video games since then until I just bought my kids a Switch.

G: Okay!

D: And they're playing Zelda.

G: Zelda, yeah.

D: And I decided to treat myself.

G: Nice, nice.

D: That's why I got a Switch for the road because Zelda's the best.

G: Yeah, I play Zelda with my daughter and it's so big though. We're having a really hard time getting a handle on the game because it's so vast.

D: Yeah, it is crazy.

G: I had to quit Warcraft too. I had to go cold turkey because it was still in my life when I wanted to write The Umbrella Academy.

D: Oh.

G: And I actually had this- I was at the crossroads and I had this moment where I was like, "I can either play Warcraft or I could write this comic."

D: It's a time sink.

G: Totally.

D: That game especially.

G: Yeah.

D: The social aspect, it just ends up being enormous.

G: Yeah yeah, so that was it. I quit and never looked back.

D: So, I was gonna ask you, prompted you earlier to think about it. What was something that gave you a feeling of wonder as a kid?

G: Okay so, I have a couple really obvious-

D: Or multiple things.

G: Multiple things, yeah, I have a couple real obvious answers.

D: That's alright.

G: And I know this is such an obvious one but Star Wars was really big. It just was and I know it was for millions of people. Once I saw that, it was like the first movie my parents ever took me to see and I was really young, but the thing back then was they were running these in theaters for like three years.

D: Oh really? I don't think I realized that.

G: Yeah. So Star Wars had come out and then they just kept running it until The Empire came out. I must've been two or something and they brought me to the theater.

D: Oh wow! I think I remember, I think my first memory of going to a movie was seeing- Was Jedi '84?

G: '83, yeah. I think it was '83.

D: So I remember going to see that, standing in line with my dad.

G: Me too!

D: That's the first, I don't know, there's just those moments where you have those- I remember listening to certain records in my dad's car.

G: Yeah.

D: And he'd turn it up loud.

G: Yep. That's one of my favorite memories of my dad is him picking me up from school early and then taking me to go see Jedi.

D: Oh that's cool.

G: Yeah, we waited in big lines that wrapped around. Even back then, there were a couple people ordering pizza. That's one of my favorite memories of being with my dad.

D: That's super cool. What about Star Wars specifically created that wonder? Was it the world?

G: The world, I think. It was the world, the scope, just this world you wanted to live in, that you wish existed and there was only three movies back then, so your brain would kinda fill in the gaps like, "What is it like? What are their supermarkets like?" And your brain would kinda- and later, that would come into play when I would RPGs, which is another thing I'll bring up in a minute. There was a time where I was in college, or right before college, where we were playing a Star Wars RPG that I was running, and it's just such a rich world.

D: Like a tabletop one?

G: Tabletop, yeah. And it was a really great game and it was super epic because the one thing about it was everybody already had a sense of that world in their head.

D: Yeah, you don't have to build that already.

G: Yeah, you didn't have to build.

D: You just add onto it.

G: Yeah yeah, so they all knew the world so when you would describe something, everybody had a vivid picture in their head, and then anything you hadn't seen before, you would just describe, but people had a point of reference so they would know.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: But yeah, Star Wars was like the first one and I was just obsessed with that for my whole childhood, playing with the action figures with Mikey, and we had our own sarlacc pit which was a dirt pit, and stuff like that. And then the other thing that was really important to me were tabletop RPGs. So, I was in the 3rd grade at a new school, but I still hung out with my best friend who was still at the old school. Anyway, basically he had an older brother- his friend had an older brother in college and he was way into D&D and he would run D&D for us, and we're all 3rd graders. That was a major moment for me.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: Yeah, it was. And to have a college-aged Dungeon Master who knew the game inside out was a really amazing way to play.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: Yeah. And that really opened up a big world for me. So then I would go on to- so I never stopped playing since the 3rd grade and then I took a try at being a Dungeon Master, and even just from playing and Dungeon Mastering, I learned how to tell stories, and I was really into that. You'd learn things even about leadership if you go to become the party leader, or if you're the DM, you learn how to keep people engaged. You learn how to keep momentum, things moving.

D: That's interesting. I feel like that's something that maybe a lot of storytellers are not paying as much attention to as they used to. There's the book I brought you, it's called Invisible Ink.

G: Oh, cool!

D: This guy, Brian McDonald, who's kind of like a story guru. He consults at Pixar all the time, teaches screenwriting, he's very cool. But he grew up watching a bunch of the classic movie directors coming up in the '60s and '70s or whatever, and they all had this vision of what stories were and really paid attention to how- they thought about how the audience would react, imagined them in the theater, or whatever. And then, something he was talking about is he just feels it's dropped off, that interplay of trying to connect and let that influence how you're actually creating the story.

G: Yeah. I'm excited to read that. I'm a big fan of structure and I'm a big fan of outlines.

D: Okay.

G: Yeah.

D: You'll like this.

G: Yeah! Good! I'm a big fan of those things because the way I see it, if you know your whole story, and I always feel like you don't need to know all the details, you don't need to know all of it, but you should know kind of- you should have some kind of outline or a structure, and then you get to have fun because you do know the beats you need to hit, but all the spaces in between, you get to fill that in.

D: I think it's rare that anyone doesn't do that and does it well. Stephen King's maybe the only one that I can think of that just doesn't write that way, and somehow he just has internalized it or something, and it ends up working itself out.

G: Yeah.

D: That's cool, man. So would you say those kinds of things, these imaginary worlds, these built worlds, are the things that still bring you the most wonder and joy in a sense?

G: Yeah! And it's something that I wanted to do when I grew up. I wanted to build my own worlds that people could share and be a part of, and that was something I did all throughout the band was just kinda- and building all these different worlds and the people that inhabit those worlds and the details down to the stickers on the Trans Am for Danger Days, those were all planned out. So my favorite thing to do is world building. And I've done it for projects that haven't come to fruition as well. Like I was working on this sci-fi TV show for a while and I just went deep, and I just came up with- with my friend Jon Rivera, we just came up with this whole world. So world building is something I'm a big fan of. And it's something I've noticed people talk about when they're talking about either my work with Umbrella Academy or My Chemical Romance, is the world building aspect, so. World building as a job title isn't a job, but I think it's- that element is, I feel like, one of my strengths.

D: Yeah. As far as the world building, I feel like you've not only built those worlds, but with MCR, you lead in inhabiting them in a way.

G: Yeah.

D: It's fun to watch. It's scary for me a little bit, watching it. Is it scary for you or is it safe for you? To be in that character.

G: That's a good question. I think there's a bit of safety that comes with being a character, and obviously, I was looking up to my heroes when I was constructing that. I was looking at David Bowie, especially around Black Parade, that's when I was like, "I'm gonna be a character." Early Black Parade stuff was like, I had written this line out that basically said, "What if Death had a rock band?" It obviously changed from that and we all became Death in a way, the whole band, but there was a safety with inhabiting a character, and the character I was during Black Parade was fun because I think in an entertaining way or a positive way, there was this level of disdain that you would have for you audience as playing as The Black Parade. But it was, to me, a healthy kind, because you were just playing really. And I thought that was a fun aspect of that character. But then there's a lot of you in the character and it's kind of- I always saw the characters that I've played as some aspect of myself turned up to 12. It's interesting when I would meet people afterwards and stuff, they would be like, "I didn't think you were gonna be so normal when I met you," just because the way I would act onstage. And I met a lot of kids who were like, "I thought you were gonna be such a jerk."

D: That's funny.

G: Because I would play one, you know. And it was just part of the drama for me.

D: Yeah. That's cool. Have you read any Ursula K. Le Guin?

G: I love her! I just reread Earthsea, the first one.

D: I haven't read it. I've heard it's amazing.

G: Yeah, it is.

D: I just got into- I read The Left Hand Of Darkness.

G: Oh, I've not finished that, but I loved what I've read.

D: It is a very slow book, in a sense. It's not exciting, in a sense, but it's got this patient movement and by the end, I was just floored by it. It was fantastic.

G: I have to finish that one. I love her and her work, especially Left Hand Of Darkness, it does have a patient movement, I think that's the best way to describe it. And I've also loved the way that she talks about storytelling in writing, and one thing I've read from her recently that really stuck with me, this is a quote of hers, and I'm paraphrasing it, I don't know if I'm getting this exact, but she basically said, "Not every story needs to have a message. It could just be the act of telling a story. You don't have to lecture your readership or your audience, or hit them over the head with this big message. It doesn't have to have one."

D: Which is interesting because I feel like she is a very message orientated writer in a certain way, but maybe that's coming in in a very natural sense.

G: Yeah.

D: [C.S.] Lewis talked about that too, where he was like, "The last thing you wanna do is write this thing that's just trying to tell something." He's like, "Whatever truth that you actually believe, those things are coming out if you just write."

G: If you just write, I agree with that.

D: Like Narnia, apparently, started from- he had a picture in his head of a faun in a snowstorm holding a parcel with an umbrella. That's the whole world built out of that, and he loved that image, and his love for it blossomed into something.

G: Yeah! That's awesome!

D: It's super cool. So, the beginning, in the intro of Left Hand Of Darkness, Le Guin says, "I am an artist, and therefore a liar. Distrust everything I say. I am telling the truth. The only truth I can understand or express is, logically defined, a lie. Psychologically defined, a symbol. Aesthetically defined, a metaphor." So even when you're making music, you were talking about you're making these fictions, you're lying as it were. I was watching something the other day, you said something like, "Sometimes fiction is closer to fact," or something in that range. Is that accurate of how you feel creating, that sometimes by- you're getting at a deeper truth by telling a fiction?

G: Yeah yeah. That could happen, and I think it's kinda magical when it does happen. Black Parade especially is filled with a lot of metaphors and maybe the fiction is something to a degree that you'll hide behind in a way, and it allows you to expose yourself. Because exposing yourself is really hard and one of the- just allowing yourself to be vulnerable is really hard and one of the things that Rob Cavallo said to me when he was producing Black Parade was, "Making a record, a great record, is you're almost pulling open your insides and you're pulling all your guts out," and things like that, and it's a brutal process because of that, but I think I did that on that record a lot. There's a lot of self loathing and there's the Catholic guilt I grew up with appears in stuff like Mama and House of Wolves, how you think you're destined for Hell and things like that, but it's cool, yeah. Fiction gives you a way to express these things and make yourself vulnerable and open yourself up and that's the way I like to use it, and then sometimes, there's stuff that's just straight fiction or fantasy. Overall, I considered Black Parade to be a death fantasy. A rock and roll death fantasy because I thought death and rock and roll were kind of intertwined in a way, because I think Mick Jagger had said once, "Every time you get onstage you have to be prepared to die."

D: That's amazing.

G: Yeah! So, it was this rock and roll death fantasy, Black Parade.

D: That's cool. I have the worst memory. So, I was preparing for this and somebody was like, "Hey, ask Gerard if he really wrote the treatment for the Image Of The Invisible video," and I was like, "Holy shit!" I totally forgot that-

G: Oh my god!

D: That you did that.

G: Oh my god! That was so fun too! I totally forgot! I gotta rewatch that.

D: What's funny too is I watching your videos and I was like, "This is so cool, these characters. We've never really done anything like that. I guess Image Of The Invisible is kinda like that," but didn't even make the connection, but it's totally that way because you were building that world!

G: That was so much fun.

D: And I got to live in it and it was cool.

G: That's cool. Yeah, I was really honored that you asked me to conceptualize a video for you guys.

D: It was fun. I don't think we've ever had another one where it was such- well, definitely not such a developed story.

G: Right. Didn't we do something too where we had lights on their helmets?

D: Yeah.

G: Their eyes were supposed to be lights or something?

D: Yeah, maybe it was like a single eye was a red laser-y light.

G: Yeah. That was cool. I'm gonna rewatch that when we're done.

D: So you grew up with the Catholic guilt, you said. Did you ever feel like you inhabited that world, or was it something being kind of thrust on you that you didn't- I mean, it's hard as a kid.

G: Right.

D: You don't even know, but I'm curious about that and then where you'd feel like your kind of big frame worldview is now on like, "What are we all doing on this rock?"

G: Right, right. My family, my parents, they weren't super religious. I come from this Italian Catholic background though so it was the kind of thing, my grandmother would go to church sometimes, but never would push us to really go. But for Christmas or something, my mom would go with her. But I think they thought, my parents thought, "This is the right thing to do. We should raise our child with believing in God and raise them Catholic because we're good. Even though we're not always there, we're good Catholics." So, they kind of put me on that path and I think the first thing I learned from being Catholic, or just religion in general, maybe it's somewhat at times specific to Catholicism, is this fear. And this fear of Hell, that's they really instilled in us. I think I was in the 1st grade or something, really young, and there was this thing that would happen where they would talk about death and Hell and all that stuff, and there was this period which, because of these classes, these after school classes, I would have these bouts of just crying. I guess I was coming to terms with the fact that my parents wouldn't be there forever or I would lose them and they would die. But then the additional fear of, "Well, if they behave bad, they'll go to Hell, and I'll go to Hell too," and so, there was this period where it was really upsetting for me, and I channeled that. I tapped into that stuff on a couple records, and on Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, I borrowed a lot of Catholic imagery, and that second video for Helena being in a church, and things like that. So I kinda started- and in some of our merch designs too. I remember we had one with a cathedral and a rosary and all this stuff, and then that would come to a head in the song Mama on Black Parade but, yeah, my journey in terms of spirituality and where I came with that. Obviously, at some point, I was confirmed in the 5th grade, so I did that. But then after that, my parents didn't have any more requirements out of me, because it was all about baptism, communion, and confirmation. And if you did those three things, you were good, then you could go as you wanted. So they never pushed me to go. And then, over the years, obviously I got into punk rock and I didn't believe in God for the longest time, and then I just started to really need spirituality in my life as I got older. And I'm more of the sense where I believe in there being some- I don't know if it's a God, but I do believe there's something.

D: Something, yeah.

G: Yeah. There's something out there, there's some kind of reason. I also believe we come from- because we do, we come from star stuff.

D: Yeah.

G: We come from the universe. We're birthed from the universe. I'm a believer in the fact that the universe is chaos and born out of chaos and it's uncontrollable, and there's kind of no rhyme or reason to anything, and tragedies and accidents and bad things happen and good things happen, and it's really just chaos being this constant true thing in the universe, and I came to those discoveries through my study of magick, occultism, and things like that, which I was inspired to do by my friend Grant Morrison. He's kind of like a big brother to me, mentor, he's really supportive and he's very into magick. And so I became interested and he's given me some lessons, and I actually wanted to do a podcast one day with him where I literally just sit down with him and have him talk about magick, because the way he describes it is, you would almost need it to be recorded to fully explore all the theories and things like that. So, I started to need magick, high magick, chaos magick, and eventually witchcraft, and witchcraft is something I felt more comfortable with because I always felt like, when I was reading about chaos magick, it felt like it was about making the universe bend to your will, whereas I was looking for something more that you were in service to the universe.

D: Interesting.

G: I think I got this from reading Crowley's book on magick, but basically, I don't know exactly what he said, but basically reality is your perspective. And that was kinda one of the key points of magick, your brain builds your reality.

D: Yeah.

G: And I thought that was a really great take away from all that. So, yeah, I've been interested in spirituality and things like that and studying shamanism, and all that stuff. We, with our daughter, we didn't raise her with religion, but we, Lindsey, my wife, is really spiritual too. Not like a practicing witch or anything, but she's just naturally adept at those kind of things. She's really in tune with nature, she knows a ton about herbology, a lot of the founding cornerstones of witchcraft is just kinda part of her life. And so, we do raise Bandit with- Lindsey teaches her all about herbs and plants and we have a witch's garden, and communicating with nature and trees and animals and things like that. So we're teaching our daughter that there is a kind of magick to life and magick does exist. It's not Harry Potter magic, but you know.

D: A lot of that seems like it's about an embodiment, a connectedness to everything, to other people.

G: Yeah, connectedness, for sure, yeah. And just teaching her that she's connected to the universe. And if she grows up and wants a different kind of religion, that's great too, and I know I explored those. I was looking for a religion in art school, because I had a class where we had to study all the religions, or most of them. And I kept going from each one and I was like, "I like bits of this one, but I don't like that." I couldn't find one that I landed on until I got later in life into more spiritual things like magick and witchcraft.

D: Cool. So with something like witchcraft, which for a lot of people are gonna hear it and have not at all the idea that you're talking about I think, so something like the idea of goodness in that, where does that derive from? Is that coming from the inter-connectedness? It seems like there's a moral view to it rather than morality being a decree maybe. It's something that arises out of those connections?

G: Right right, yeah! I think the positivity in it, to me, and here's the thing. I don't consider myself a practicing witch or anything like that, I just read a ton of this stuff. And that's one of the things they kinda warn you about with magick and everything, you could read all the books you want and some people spend their whole life reading books and never practice, but the thing they tell you to do is practice. And I think yeah, the goodness comes from being in service to the earth. Being connected to that and also, what I've learned about witchcraft, or at least the kind of witchcraft that I like, is it's very gray. It's not black magick, it's not totally white magick, it's just understanding that the universe and all things in it are very gray, there's no black and white to everything. And I've really liked that the most, because I get older- when I was younger, I was very black and white about a lot of things. Especially in the earlier days of My Chemical Romance, everything was really military and rigid, and black and white, and this is right and this is wrong. You kind of get older and you start to realize, "No, things aren't that simple. Not everybody's all good or all bad. There's a grayness there."

D: Which, I think, I have a song of the latest Thrice record called The Grey and it's dealing with that idea of deconstructing the black and the white, and I think the biggest danger there is the idea that even if there was straight black, straight white, you are betting a lot on your ability to discern it at any given moment.

G: You are.

D: And then if you are actually holding to it, and you're basically betting on your ability to discern this thing and now it's of the most ultimate consequence and you filter out everything that doesn't fit into that, which is basically a bunch of yourself and a bunch of everyone around you.

G: Yeah, exactly, yeah.

[ad break]

D: So I have a couple questions I’ll pepper in here from some of the Patrons. James Corvit said, “What is the purest form of goodness you’ve experienced as a human being, and how do you explain it?”

G: Purest form of goodness.

D: I don’t know, it’s deep.

G: Yeah.

D: I don’t know if that’s from someone or just internally.

G: The purest form of goodness. It’s a tough question but it’s a great question. I think the purest form of goodness is forgiveness. Or that would be something I would say is a very strong form of goodness. Even when you see people that the most terrible things happen to them, like a serial killer murders their loved one and then some of these people, not all of them, and I don’t blame the ones that don’t find forgiveness, but some of them find forgiveness and are able to forgive people for the most atrocious things, and so that feels like a really powerful form of goodness.

D: Yeah, I feel like in the middle of me deconstructing a lot of that stuff, something I was like- the idea of grace and forgiveness is something that goes deep there and I’m not willing to let go of that. Over the centuries, there’s been countless efforts to define beauty. Aristotle defines beauty as having “order, symmetry, and definiteness.”

G: Hm.

D: But it’s always struck me as a fairly anemic version of beauty. And then I saw on the cover of the My Chem single Sing, there’s a question on there that says, “Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?”

G: Right.

D: This makes me think that you probably also take issue with that definition a bit. I wanted to ask, is there something about brokenness that’s near the heart of beauty for you?

G: Absolutely, yeah. And that, I was trying to remember that phrase a couple months ago too, that was on the cover saying, yeah, “Would you destroy something perfect to make it beautiful?” And yeah, I think beauty is way more complex than symmetry and I think there is a brokenness to beauty. I think, you look at a lot of musicians, you could arguably say from a certain perspective, if you subscribe to symmetry and things like that, a lot of musicians or front-people, men and women in bands, some of them you could say they’re not traditionally beautiful, or not what you would think is beautiful, but something about their vulnerability or their confidence and things like that, make them beautiful. And that’s in any case, even non-musicians. Like people that just go to work in the world and have normal jobs, there is something about beauty that is much deeper than just what you see visually.

D: One of the Patrons was saying that, “My Chem’s music reinforced to me and my friends that being an outcast was okay.” Was that something that you wanted people to feel? What were things growing up that made you feel like it was okay to be an outcast or a misfit?

G: I think by the time I was definitely not in elementary school- well, I didn’t have to struggle with being an outcast in elementary school. I actually went to a really cool school, it was just a normal public school, but the one thing I thought looking back that was very interesting about those years is we all got along, we were all friends, even the weirdest kids, and a lot of kids would just have these parties back then and everyone was invited. And then my first real experience with being an outsider was going to middle school, and then so, you aren’t all friends anymore, and there’s all divisions and cliques and things like that, and then I found myself to be one of these outcasts, one of these weird kids that listened to heavy metal and wore flannels. There were only a handful of us in the school that were like that. But it wasn’t until high school where I fully embraced being an outcast. The first year, freshman year was really hard because I was really an outcast and I didn’t even know where to sit at the lunch tables, because I didn’t fit in with any of these groups. And it turns out I ended up sitting with a table of metalheads because they saw me sitting by myself and they were like, “Why don’t you sit with us?” And that’s where I would learn about certain bands that they were into, like Murphy’s Law and the kind of things they were listening to back then. But it was important for me to have something that spoke to outsiders with My Chemical Romance because when I was that age, there wasn’t anything that really spoke to me like that. Or there wasn’t something so specific to being an outcast. There was lots of stuff that if you were an outcast you listened to like The Cure or The Smiths, so of course, I found all those bands. But there was nothing specifically geared to somebody that feels invisible or is an outcast or rejected and things like that, so when we started My Chem, it felt very much like we were channeling the energy of being an outcast onto whoever listened to us. And in the early days, it wasn’t a lot of kids. I mean, there weren't any kids that really listened to us. It was kinda older punk rockers, it was very interesting in the beginning. And of those older punk rockers, a lot of them were actually outcasts as well.

D: Yeah.

G: Within a scene so. And maybe they weren’t even full-on punk rockers, they were just a guy with a leather jacket at a bar who just saw something in us.

D: Yeah. That’s cool. The Patron Jonathan Clark is asking, “Do you have any rituals or practices that you do to find your center, wait for yes, get connected, see the good, the true, the beautiful in others, or let go a bit?” Basically he’s kinda asking if you have any meditative, mindfulness, something to practice.

G: Right right. I really enjoy T.M., Transcendental Meditation. Actually, I’m in an interesting spot with this though.

D: That’s where you’re chanting.

G: A mantra, yeah. You have a mantra and you kind of just repeat it in your head. It helps you, basically when you’re doing it, it releases negative energy and tension and things like that, and it’s very good. But sometimes, at least in my experience, and this is why I’ve kinda paused my practice at the moment, sometimes it could release trauma and things like that, and sometimes you end up reliving that and it makes it- and granted, your body is letting go of it, but sometimes it’s hard and I found when it would get its most intense, I would catastrophize things in my head and be- so I would be focusing on the mantra, but then things would happen like I would be thinking about the worst things that could happen to my family or my loved one, or something bad happening to them or getting hurt.

D: Is that something that happens to you? Do you tend to catastrophize in general?

G: Sometimes. I do tend to catastrophize sometimes, and it’s something I work on in therapy. I’m a big believer in talk therapy and, I don’t try to push medication on anybody, but I always just share my experience, and that it’s helped me.

D: Yeah.

G: I was somebody who was extremely imbalanced all through the years of My Chemical Romance, and go through these extreme highs and crushing lows where I wouldn’t get out of bed for like three months, but then I would be in a manic phase, and I would be up until 4am working on zines all of the sudden, and I would say to Lindsey, “I don’t need to sleep. Why do people sleep? I don’t get it.” So there was a lot of that, and then Lindsey found me a therapist and we did a lot of really hard work and I faced myself a lot, I looked inward. And at the same time, before we were able- before we explored and did the work, we stabilized my brain chemistry. That was the key. Once we were able to stabilize my brain chemistry-

D: You were able to actually…

G: Do the work, yeah. So, I am a big believer in T.M., it’s just that sometimes I struggle with it, but I know all I have to do is check in with the T.M. center and explain what I’m going through, and actually my therapist had found me this woman who’s one of the heads of, I’m not sure if it’s the David Lynch Foundation or something else, she actually said, “You should come in, I’ll talk to you, I’ll walk you through the trauma stuff and all the hard stuff.” But I’m a big believer in it because when it was cooking, and there were two months this year where it was totally changing my life until some of the negative came out. It was, I was a more productive, more focused, calmer, more engaged, more present. I’m a believer in it and a big believer in therapy and just having somebody to talk to.

D: Yeah. That’s awesome. On the drive up, I was thinking about Umbrella Academy and I really love it in general. I remember getting the comic when it came out. The show turned out so great. Are you really happy with it?

G: Yeah yeah! I’m totally happy. At the end of the day, it was somebody else’s vision and I was able to let go of that. I think I needed to. When the process first started in making it a TV show.

D: That’s gotta be hard.

G: It’s hard.

D: That’s your baby.

G: Yeah yeah! But I was really upfront when I was talking. I went in to meet with UCP and Dawn and the people there. I was with Dark Horse and they said, “What is your goal?” And I said, “My goal is to make great comics because I already went through a whole big thing with Universal trying to make this a movie and it just drained me.”

D: Oh okay.

G: And it was full of really difficult things, it took up a lot of my time, and disappointments, and I really turned my focus back to comics because I was like, that’s where you’re in charge. Nobody can- you have an editor, obviously, if you have a great editor, you’re doing great work together and you’re making changes, but it doesn’t feel like something creative is being ruled by committee, and that’s what it feels like in Hollywood. I was really upfront with Dawn and I said, “I want to make great comics so you guys have good material to make a good show.” I ended up being more involved than that. The extent of my involvement is giving notes, especially about things like wardrobe, costumes, the look and feel of the world, the fact that it’s kind of an alternate reality, and I give notes on scripts and I give notes on edits and things like that, so I am involved for sure. But I was able to realize this is somebody else’s baby and I’m happy with the results for sure. My whole thing is the proof is in the fact that everybody loves it.

D: I like Klaus a lot and I can’t remember, because I read the comics so long ago, how true to the book that character is.

G: Right.

D: Do you feel like it’s capturing what you were trying to get out with it? G: It is capturing, yeah. It’s capturing, to me, what Robert who plays Klaus, he’s capturing this kind of sadness and tragedy to the character. Also obviously, the humor. In the comic, Klaus is a little bit more of what I call a dry goth. He’s very nihilistic in some ways.

D: Not quite as whimsical, maybe.

G: Yeah, not quite as whimsical as what Robert ended up doing. But the way Robert approached the character really ended up working and he adds a lot of humanity to the character, that maybe there’s not so much of it, or you don’t see it very often in the comic with Klaus. Klaus just does bad things and makes bad decisions and obviously, a lot of that is coming from a place of trauma that he experienced as a child, and in the show, it’s cool because the drug use is there to help him quiet the voices in his head. They explored that a lot deeper and I thought that that was really cool.

D: Is that less of a focus in the comic?

G: A little bit. I never really explored the fact that he’s constantly seeing and hearing and talking to ghosts, and so these drugs kind of quiet his mind. I’d never explored that really deeply.

D: Which is cool because you, it’s another evidence of you’re building a world and someone else was living in it, and then they were like, “Well yeah.”

G: Yeah!

D: “Of course he’s like that,” and you’re like, “Well dang.”

G: Yeah! That’s a cool thing. They’re able to point at things you weren’t seeing because sometimes when I’m doing stuff like creating a world like Umbrella Academy, a lot of it is running off the subconscious. A lot of it is, some things you don’t realize you’re putting in there. And when they look at making a TV show or a movie, they really kinda deconstruct it and look at it and say, “Well, this makes sense because of this.”

D: Some of the beauty with the comic is that the concise kind of form makes it to where you don’t always have to trace down all of these rabbit trails, but when you're trying to blow it up into something else, you’ve gotta figure out how to make sense of it all.

G: Mhm. And to bring it back to the question of a sense of wonder. That was the other thing I thought about this morning when you asked me the question was, “what do I get a sense of wonder from,” and comics were a big one. Because to me- and then I would later reinforce these feelings when I started making them and writing them. You could do anything in them and that’s really what’s beautiful about them. I also love the mechanics of them, because there’s definitely things you could do in comics that you can’t do in film and TV and I love that. So I’ve really learned to embrace the medium when I’m writing them. I think I’m writing comics that are definitely comics, and they’re not just a TV show playing out in a comic.

D: Yeah. How much do you draw your own stuff just to get your ideas going? Or is it more conceptual?

G: Quite a bit. No, I do- well especially for something like, less so on Doom Patrol but Umbrella Academy, Gabriel Ba, the artist and I have this really cool relationship and I think the ideas kinda need to start with me, and I’ll do a sketch and then Gabriel will completely reinterpret that and kinda make it much cooler and much better.

D: That's because that’s your complete world from scratch, whereas with Doom Patrol you’re reinventing something?

G: In the beginning, Umbrella was definitely my complete world from scratch and I had this idea, but Gabriel, especially even in the early days, he helped build that world. I was able to give him a couple references and I’m like, “I don’t know, maybe it’s the ‘60s, maybe it’s the ‘70s. People are dressed like the ‘60s and cars look like they’re from the ‘60s, but there's modern things too.” And he loves drawing architecture, which you don’t find a lot of in comics. A lot of people try to stay away from the buildings in the background and the architecture, but he embraces the architecture so he really built that world with me in the beginning. But we still have our process and the process usually, not always but usually is, especially if it’s a villain or something like that, I’ll do some kind of sketch, even if it’s bad, and then Gabriel will take that and make it something.

D: That’s cool. Collaboration is terrifying and super fun when it’s working.

G: Yeah! When it’s working, it’s amazing, yeah. I love collaborating, and I’ve learned to really embrace it over the years. Delegating and collaborating were two skills I really needed to get really good at, and I think I got better at collaborating after the band. Although, we were pretty good about collaborating in the band, I just got better at it though.

D: Yeah. It’s definitely for Thrice, the most fun but also the hardest thing for sure, and it causes the most tension.

G: Right. Yeah, for sure.

D: Just because you care.

G: Because you care, yeah! You care, and sometimes you do see or hear a complete vision so you want that realized.

D: I think that’s the hardest part. You’re like, “I see all this,” and you’re like, “Okay but there’s three other people.”

G: Yeah!

D: Every single time that I’m set on something, and then everyone else is like, “Dude, no,” every time by the end, I’m like, “Wait, what was I stuck on?”

G: Yeah.

D: It didn’t matter anymore.

G: Yeah!

D: It’s totally a psychological issue at that point.

G: It is!

D: “It has to be this way.” No, it could be a million ways and they’re all different and cool.

G: Yeah. And that’s what I learned too when collaborating on music, is exactly what you just said. You don’t even remember what you were hung up on.

D: Totally.

G: Because it’s just much better after everybody's worked on it.

D: It’s very similar to being super upset about something in the moment and you’re just not thinking clear, and you sleep and you wake up and you’re like, “I was real upset about that. It doesn't seem like a big deal anymore.”

G: Yeah.

D: Time travel is a big thing in Umbrella Academy.

G: Yeah.

D: Which it’s notoriously troublesome to write stories with time travel.

G: Yeah.

D: And not have it just fall apart. If you’re trying to get a specific future, you have to have a bunch of people constantly fixing these things.

G: Right right!

D: I like that way of interpreting because usually it’s, “Oh, we fixed this one thing,” and you expect it to just keep going straight, but no way.

G: Right. I really like that the show took that from the comic and really explored it. All these people making these little corrections, sometimes they’re violent corrections, but sometimes they’re very simple. But time travel is such a pain in the ass. I did not envy them when they were starting to do the writer’s room for Umbrella Academy.

D: They try to make it all work.

G: Try to make it all work. And they’d have to put up these big timeline boards and be like, “Alright, this happens this year,” and that’s what I was doing when I was writing the second volume, Dallas, because there’s not much- I don’t think there’s any real time travel, besides Number 5 coming back, there’s no real time travel in volume one, Apocalypse Suite. But Dallas is all about it, so that was the hardest volume I’ve ever had to write, because time travel is just, it’s so hard.

D: Are there any stories that you like that you feel do it really well?

G: I don’t know if I’ve read enough time travel stories. I mean, I thought Back To The Future did it really well.

D: But then I always get stuck on the idea that you have to, there’s an endless cycle of Martys that have to go back.

G: Oh right!

D: And keep- my brain breaks when I try to be like, “But what if he doesn’t? Then none of it works anymore?” It all breaks.

G: Yeah, it can break very easily, and I think almost every time travel story has the possibility of completely breaking, or at least in some person’s mind out there, it is broken.

D: Yeah.

G: So sometimes you have to take time travel stories almost at face value and be like, “Alright, this works.”

D: Yeah, you can’t- well I think part of that is on the writer or whoever’s making it to address and deflect. The Brian McDonald guy I was telling you about, he talks about that somewhere where he’s like, “You gotta spot the problem and then you just need to have some character address it, and then sweep it away,” just so that it helps whoever’s watching or whatever, it helps them be like, “Oh yeah, what about this?” And then, “Oh, they thought about it.”

G: Yep.

D: And it’s not like it’s making it perfect, right? But it gives you permission to let it go, I think.

G: Yeah yeah. And you do have to address these concerns. I realized my answer might have been possibly a little lazy about taking things at face value, but one of the things I had to do in Dallas was address every concern that I thought the reader would have.

D: Which is great. When you do the addressing, it lets the reader or the watcher or whatever, it lets them let it go and enjoy the story.

G: Yeah, exactly. I’m about to start volume four of Umbrella Academy and I’m really happy because I don’t think it’s gonna have any time travel in it, so I think we’re a little bit away from more time travel in Umbrella Academy.

D: Alright, this is a question from Mike Morale, he says, “In his recent arc, Cliff Steele aka Robotman, regains his humanity, at least in outward form. But on Gerard’s latest, ahem, cliffhanger, Steele burns it all up after facing the painful inhumanity of someone with power to hurt him. I suppose my question is, how do we protect the precious beauty of our humanity while remaining vulnerable to those who have meaning in our lives?”

G: Oh wow. How do we protect that humanity? Well that’s a big question, because especially with given how the world is now and the toxicity out there online and things like that, how do you protect your humanity? Because toxicity, like the kind that Cliff experiences when he goes to visit his mother in that nursing home, it’s a very real thing and it’s something you have to deal with. I don’t know how you hold onto your humanity, it’s hard sometimes.

D: While being vulnerable too.

G: While being vulnerable, yeah exactly.

D: Which I guess is almost synonymous to holding onto your humanity.

G: Yeah.

D: Because you could close off but that’s not good.

G: Yeah exactly. I know this isn’t the healthier, great answer, but I think one of the things I did was to kind of remove myself from certain social medias. But it wasn't unhealthy because what I did was I decided to look inward at that point. Instead of, and I could tell you as many harsh people are on the internet, I was much harsher on myself. I looked in and I asked myself tough questions, I really asked myself what’s right and wrong. I think about these things deeply when I’m writing, but holding onto your humanity is very hard. And Cliff, obviously, he doesn’t hold on to that humanity, and he goes back into his cage because that makes sense to Cliff.

D: His follow up question was, “And does skin make the man, or can metal reflect who we really are just as well?”

G: I believe metal can reflect who we are just as well. I think Cliff Steele is very much Cliff whether he’s a human or a robot. He’s still Cliff and I think that’s one of the things that’s great about the character and why he’s so fun to write because no matter what, he’s still Cliff.

D: I wonder if there's anything you’ve been listening to, watching, reading, that you think people should check out?

G: Let’s see. What have I been reading recently? Well, this is old but I just decided to reread Lord Of The Rings from start to finish, and I made it through the books rather quickly and they’re just such a joy to read. They’re so relaxing, but there is a real build up to Lord Of The Rings. It gets so dark at one point, and horrific, but there’s a calm and a peace to reading it. And the way Tolkien writes, you’re just thinking about the greenery and the trees and the rivers and all of those things, and so it’s a real relaxing read for as much as it ramps up. I have a hard time watching TV. I feel really trapped when I’m watching it so I tend not to watch it at all, which is interesting about having a TV show. I bring a different perspective when I’m giving notes because I don’t watch a lot of TV. And more or less the only TV I watch is edits of Umbrella Academy. But every once in a while, Lindsey will rope me into a show that she feels like I absolutely have to watch, and she did that with Breaking Bad, and I’m really grateful she did. She literally rewatched the whole thing with me, made me watch it, and it’s still one of the best I’ve ever seen. And then she got me into Cobra Kai, have you seen that?

D: No, is it good?

G: I think it’s really good, yeah. Especially the first season is really amazing.

D: I had huge doubts about if that would be good at all.

G: Yeah, watch the first season and one of the things that actually helped hook me into the show is the episodes are a half hour, so it was really cool. I didn’t feel as much of a prisoner of the television when I was watching them, because you can watch a half hour and be done.

D: But books don’t make you feel that way? They expand.

G: Books are my favorite thing, yeah. Books are- you know how a lot of people will use a television to kind of tune out and shut off and relax? I use books to do that, so there’s piles of books next to my bed.

D: Thanks so much for sitting down. It’s been so good to talk to you.

G: You too! It’s been a long time. I miss you.

#gerard way #dustin kensrue #carry the fire podcast #full transcription

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strangershield · 5 years

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The Impostor

Pairings: Platonic Daisy x Fem! Reader

Request:

could you write something for daisy during the recent season?

would you mind writing a platonic Daisy Johnson x SHIELD agent fem reader where Daisy and the reader were best friends, almost like sisters, and when the reader died on a mission post season 5 Daisy was devastated? Then around season 6 the reader comes back but is completely different because she was reborn on an alien planet and has never met the team and Daisy is struggling to cope with that?

Warnings: season 6 spoilers, death, memory loss, kinda sad near the end

She noticed her blank eyes first. The vast black, void of colour and emotion, that glazed her eyes like a film. Daisy’s own eyes glassed over as the world around her became a distant memory, foggy and muffled as if she was underwater. Yet she was at the SHIELD base, surrounded by her friends and her impostor of a best friend. The air in the room, once alive with electricity, had settled to a dull static.

“Daisy, what’s wrong?”

Jemma’s voice rose from the corners of Daisy’s conscious as the scientist began to step forward. Only then did Daisy realize that she was frozen, staring into (Y/N)’s eyes whilst holding her at an arm’s length.

“Daisy?”

She snapped back to reality, to time, with a sharp jolt. A dull thud echoed as she stepped back from (Y/N)’s body, her ankle rolling in the process. Thankfully May was near, catching Daisy as she fell for she was too in shock to react to her small stumble. Daisy crumbled in May’s warmth, indulging in her familiarity. The second of the pair stood rigid, holding her friend who had grown doll-like, unable to move. Small clicks and thuds bounced from the concrete floor as the others moved to watch Daisy. Their eyes flickered towards (Y/N), a gaze once consumed with joy now littered with apprehension.

“Daisy?” May asked again, staring anxiously through stern brows.

“It’s not her.” Daisy whispered hoarsely.

The others looked at the girl in question, confused.

“It’s not her.”

Everyone seemed to be pacing but Daisy. The now blonde had thrown herself (quite dramatically) upon the black sofa that occupied the break room as the others bombarded her with questions or theories. She either responded with a sound or let it fly over her head, for she was too emotionally drained to think properly.

The others were less enthusiastic about her lethargic state. Fitzsimmons bounced theories off of each other, varying from alien planets to a long lost twin. Deke occasionally injected his own thoughts, but mainly stayed glued to his phone as he tried to find any articles or social media posts surrounding (Y/N). May paced in front of Daisy while she waited for Coulson’s return. Paced seemed like an understatement, marching in a repetitive motion as she fired question after question.

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“Eh?”

“Daisy, I need you to-“

“I don’t know May!”

Daisy yelled, violently standing up in one swift motion. The room grew eerie quiet as everyone watched Daisy in awe, who was a completely different woman to the lifeless body that lay on the couch only seconds ago. May didn’t flitch, but she didn’t react either.

“I don’t...know.”

Just as quickly as she’d switched, Daisy had reverted back to her state of numbness and confusion. She felt like collapsing, the weight of her own body too much to bare as her throat closed over. Because she did know when she last saw (Y/N). It was hard to forget the day her best friend died.

May took a definitive step forward and placed an arm on her shoulder, squeezing gently.

“We’ll figure this out, okay?” She said lowly, although everyone heard in the room’s absence of noise. “In the mean time, you need to get a grip.”

“First you hold me up, which is basically a hug, and now an arm squeeze with a threat. What’s gotten into you today?”

“It’s not a threat.” May smirked, glad to see some of the old Daisy peaking through the girl’s damaged state.

Before Daisy could reply, the doors flew open to reveal Coulson and two guests.

“Coulson already filled us in.” Yo-Yo revealed as the three stepped into the room. She went straight to May, the pair immediately breaking out in a conversation of hushed tones, as Mack made his way over to Daisy. They didn’t speak, he only consumed her in one of Mack’s rare but legendary hugs. Daisy let out a sigh, burying her head in Mack’s warmth and familiar scent.

“You okay, Tremors?” He whispered, muffled as his cheek lay against her head.

Daisy didn’t reply, she couldn’t lie to Mack. He would see through her facade, and they were too good of friends to not be completely honest with each other, even when the truth hurt. Time stopped as Daisy listened to the soothing, steady beat of Mack’s heart, wanting to indulge in this moment of warmth and security forever. Unfortunately, she had demons to face.

“What’s the latest?” May asked, finishing her secretive chat with Yo-Yo.

Daisy reluctantly pulled away from Mack to face Coulson, yet he never left her side. Coulson quickly scanned Daisy’s face before addressing everyone, concerned about her wellbeing and overall stability.

“Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your angle, Daisy was right. This isn’t our (Y/N).”

Daisy was punched in the stomach by an invisible force, completely winded. Whilst she saw it coming, the truth was still a bitch. A part of her had hoped that she was wrong, that it really was (Y/N). It was stupid, wishful thinking.

Everyone else seemed to be just as blindsided. Fitz buried his head in his hands as Jemma pressed her forehead to his back, the pair relying on each other for strength and support. Deke almost threw his phone but decided against the frenzied action, instead letting out a deep sigh and glaring at the floor. (Y/N) was apart of the team, so it was a low blow. Even May looked devastated, staring at any object or surface that wasn’t another human being.

“Did she speak?” Daisy wheezed out, staring directly at Coulson.

“Not much, but a little. She seemed pretty disorientated.”

Daisy stared at Coulson for a moment before she let out an incredulous, bitter laugh.

“You think she’s disorientated? That she doesn’t know where or who she is? She freaking stole (Y/N)’s face and is acting as some impostor.”

“Daisy-“ Mack began to warn.

“No, she’s not stupid or innocent. She’s not the victim. Why else would she come here of all places. Why the lighthouse, our secret base?”

Coulson stared blankly at Daisy, letting the silence fuel his thoughts.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t know. I’m still trying to fill in the blanks myself. But Daisy, let’s not villianise anyone yet.”

Daisy scoffed, pulling away from Mack to gain some personal space. The whole situation make her skin crawl.

“I may have a theory.” Jemma offered, her eyes flickering across the room to gage the reaction. Coulson shrugged and spread his hands.

“The room’s yours.”

“Where (Y/N) materialized from remains a mystery. My best bet is still an alternate dimension, an alien planet or some kind of clone. But I think she must have some memories, or at least feelings of familiarity. It would explain why she came here, to us. She may recognize us even if we’re strangers to her.”

“So you think she is attached to our (Y/N)?” May asked, knowing they were treading in dangerous waters.

“Perhaps,” Jemma answered hesitantly, “but I don’t want to imply too much with the little knowledge we have.”

“It fits with the doppelgänger and clone theory, being able to recognize the original owner or host’s thoughts.” Fitz offered, trying desperately to think of a reasonably explanation.

“We’re sure it’s not A.I?” Mack asked cautiously.

“Definitely, or at least 98%. It’s very advanced tech if it is an A.I.”

“It’s not A.I.” Daisy declared, surprising everyone with her sudden input. She became the new subject of interest, eyes fixated upon her.

“I looked at her. I spoke to her. It’s not A.I tech, but it’s also not (Y/N).”

“Daisy, are you-“ Jemma started softly, eyebrows creasing together as she looked at her friend.

“I know I have an emotional link to this but I know it’s not her. I know, Jemma.”

Jemma only offered a small smile of concern laced with sympathy before she turned back to Fitz.

The room became alive once more, a flurry of voices with no real answers or solutions. Only Daisy remained silent, trying to think logically about the vessel that looked like her best friend. It still didn’t seem real. Maybe that was her problem.

“Let me talk to her.”

Silence.

Everyone stopped and stared at Daisy once more.

Then the protests began.

Everyone disagreed, considering her request detrimental to her wellbeing...and (Y/N)’s. There were still so many unanswered questions and questions to still be thought of. It was irrational, unreasonable, dangerous. Those were Daisy’s favourite conditions.

“Please, I need to see her for myself again. Let me talk to her.”

She locked eyes with Coulson, knowing he would understand. Luckily, he knew her well. He nodded grimly, taking a breath before announcing his decision.

“You get ten minutes.”

(Y/N) wasn’t kept in a cell, she wasn’t a criminal. But she was a potential threat, an unknown case yet to be explained. Hence, the containment module seemed to be the safest place. Daisy looked into the room through the door’s small window, her whole body alive with chills. She couldn’t see (Y/N), not from this angle, but the white hexagon walls did enough to make her nauseous. Too much had happened in this room, to her and to others. And now a whole new memory was about to made, for better or for worse.

Taking a silent breath, Daisy set her neutral interrogation face and opened the door. She walked in steadily, finding (Y/N) sitting upright on the crisp, white bed. Looking at her again, Daisy’s breath was taken away. Same colour hair, same blemishes on her face, same eye colour. Yeah something was off. Her posture was too rigid, too robotic. Daisy kept her distance.

“Hi, I’m Agent Johnson. We met earlier.”

Daisy clasped her hands in front of her, voice void of emotion. When the stranger didn’t respond, Daisy continued.

“Do you have a name?”

“(Y/N).”

Daisy’s heart fluttered. The room started to spin as she comprehended what just happened. That was her voice. She has her name.

“Where are you from?” Daisy asked clumsily. She couldn’t call her (Y/N). Not yet.

The girl didn’t reply, and Daisy wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing. She let the silence continue for a moment longer before she tried again, becoming desperate for answers. Precious time was also ticking away.

“Are you from Earth? Another planet? Another galaxy?”

(Y/N) remained still, emotionless. It was a harrowing sight.

“I don’t know.” She finally answered. Something changed, and suddenly she was staring at Daisy with wide eyes.

“I don’t know.” Her voice has changed, from sterile and robotic to panicked and urgent. The blood in Daisy’s veins ran cold, her body acting on instinct and taking a step backwards.

(Y/N) was staring at her, piercing holes through Daisy with her eyes. Yet it wasn’t threatening, it was a plea for help.

“It’s...it’s okay.” Daisy stammered after she regained some awareness, trying to ease (Y/N)’s mind. The girl’s eyes screwed shut as she shook her head.

“No, no it’s not. I don’t know.”

“What do you know?” Daisy asked, trying a different angle.

She watched as the other woman searched her mind for an answer.

“I know my name. I know I woke up in dust, and only one thing was clear: you. I knew I had to find you.”

Daisy felt like she might internally combust. She was trying to keep her walls up, to remain indifferent to this stranger. But it was (Y/N). She had (Y/N)’s face. She had her voice. And now that it was clear that (Y/N)’s motivation was Daisy herself? Her walls began to crumble.

Digging her fingernails into the palm of her hand, Daisy took a step forward and lowered her voice, engaging in a new kind of intimacy.

“How did you get here?” She whispered.

(Y/N) wouldn’t look at Daisy, only at the floor or the opposite wall. Daisy’s heart sank.

“I found a ship, a plane, whatever you call it. It wasn’t easy.” Her voice was brittle and unwelcoming to any further questions. Daisy understood. After all, she had done some questionable things in her own past, and (Y/N), her (Y/N), had never judged her.

Before Daisy could reply, the door opened.

She swore under her breath as Coulson and May entered the room slowly. Daisy’s mind went haywire. She needed more time, she was getting through to (Y/N).

“Daisy, it’s been-“

“No. Coulson, I’m sorry, but she’s talking.”

“This isn’t up for a discussion.”

“Did you not hear me? She’s talking!”

“Daisy, calm down.” May warned as Daisy’s heart rate rose rapidly.

Why couldn’t they see that she just needed time? She clenched and unclenched her fists as she looked from Coulson and May to (Y/N).

She needed more time.

“Please.” She whispered in a hoarse whisper.

The room stood still. Eventually, Coulson stepped forward and placed a hand on Daisy’s shoulder, light and without force.

“Maybe after some lunch, okay?”

She visibly collapsed in on herself in defeat. There was no point making a scene and arguing, she was outnumbered and might remove herself from (Y/N) for good. She had one last look at (Y/N), sitting quietly with hidden eyes on the bed, before she left with May and Coulson by her side. She would be back. She had to come back. (Y/N) was counting on her.

In a cruel yet expected twist of fate, (Y/N) wasn’t (Y/N).

They all saw it coming, even Daisy. Yet the truth is a mysterious, often painful force of nature that will always prevail. For Daisy, the pain was worse than being shot in the stomach and being on the brink of death (which had happened before). She had lost so many people: Ward, her parents, Lincoln. Now (Y/N) was added to her list of ghosts, twice in fact. Losing her the second time was almost as worse as the first. Almost.

The silver chain gleamed in the warm light as Daisy sat on her bed, twirling the necklace in her hand. Her fingertips traced the cool metal, from each individual link to the paper airplane chain that dangled at one end. She watched as the tip of her index finger became misshapen as she pressed it further into the blunt point of the chain when someone knocked at her door. She muttered some form of approval, too mesmerized by the necklace to look up or open the door herself.

Jemma entered quietly, closing the door behind her with a soft and polite thud. She was fiddling with her own piece of jewelry, the ring on her finger twirling endless circles as the scientist gave Daisy a warm smile.

“How are you?”

Daisy let the question fly over her head. It was something she had been asked for weeks but couldn’t answer honestly. How could she? It felt like her insides had been quaked apart and stitched back together.

“I’m so sorry, that was a stupid thing to ask.” Jemma apologized immediately, her eyebrows creasing together as she spoke.

Daisy sighed and finally brought her gaze up to Jemma, still holding the necklace.

“It’s okay Jemma, you’re...okay. I’m kind of glad it’s you and not Mack for a change.”

“He’s still trying to get you to open up?” Jemma laughed.

“Oh yeah.”

Jemma rolled her eyes playfully, Daisy even managing half a smile. The moment died quickly, reality setting in.

“What, um...what do you want?” Daisy asked, blunt but honest.

Jemma slowly crossed the room and sat next to Daisy as she replied, trying to create a space of warmth and comfort.

“Well, I’m not here to be your therapist, but I thought I could lend you some advice.”

She waited to see if Daisy would refute or reject her offer. She didn’t.

The two sat arm to arm on the edge of Daisy’s bed as Jemma wondered how to begin. The dated yellow light from above bathed them in unique shadows and faded golden rays, lightening their faces but darkening their eyes and the hollows of their cheeks.

“I’ve lost Fitz a number of times now. We all know about the classic Fitzsimmons curse,” she nudged Daisy’s arm for comedic effect, trying to lighten the dreary mood. “But last time felt different. We weren’t lost in time or space or an alternate reality. I actually lost him. For good. And it...it was-“ her voice broke, tears suddenly forming in her eyes.

Jemma’s heart was large but scarred and bleeding. Some things she could never truly recover from, like Fitz’s death. The others never saw her break down, she maintained a facade and kept consumed in her work. But with Daisy, Jemma could be her unapologetic self. It was the beauty of friendship.

Daisy’s heart sunk for her friend as she leant across and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tight.

“I’m so sorry, I’m meant to be helping you not becoming a blubbering mess myself.” The two laughed somberly as Jemma began the wipe her tears away with the palm of her hand. She took a deep breath before continuing, voice slightly shaky.

“Losing Fitz was awful. It sucked. And realizing I could get him back...well, that changed everything. I could have my Fitz back, no strings or A.I attached. But I was scared. Scared it wouldn’t be him, that it wouldn’t work and he’d be a stranger. And, yes, he did miss our wedding and a few other key events, but he’s still my Fitz.”

Now it was Jemma’s turn to squeeze Daisy’s hand.

“Daisy, we all went through the Coulson saga, but I know what it’s like to actually lose and regain someone. I know. I understand your pain. And I’m here for you.”

Daisy’s knuckles whitened as she gripped onto Jemma’s hand as if it were life support. Her throat was tight and dry, so it took her a moment to speak.

“I...Jemma, I miss her.”

Something inside Daisy snapped.

She felt her heart break under the weight of losing (Y/N), twice. Jemma was quick to maneuver herself to cradle Daisy in her arms, returning the favor of comforting a friend with a broken heart. Daisy couldn’t breath, her chest heaving and aching with each sob. As she cried in Jemma’s arms, her mind replayed her final moments with (Y/N), the real (Y/N). She didn’t know if it made it better or worse, but there was no controlling her mind. The memories was all she had now, any glimmer of hope for a revival gone after the impostor incident. So Daisy sat with Jemma and did something she had banned herself from doing: she grieved.

“Daisy, I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t say that. Don’t you dare say that!”

Every machine in the room was beeping, no matter how small or irrelevant. Agents ran behind Daisy in sync with the symphony of beeps as she surveyed the spread of maps, coordinates and vitals in front of her. It wasn’t good. (Y/N) and her co-pilot had lost an engine and were descending rapidly. Daisy was trying to think of a solution desperately, but time was flowing like water and everyone knew that the odds were not good.

Daisy’s thoughts were interrupted by a sudden and violent swoosh that came from (Y/N)’s end of the coms. Her stomach flipped.

“(Y/N), what was that?”

Silence.

“Oh god you better be alive. (Y/N) I swear-“

“I’m sorry I’m here! I’m here! I’m alive! Just a bit preoccupied by my crashing jet.”

In any other scenario Daisy would have laughed at her witty sarcasm. It wasn’t appropriate now.

Daisy breathed a sigh of relief yet still felt nauseous as if she was on the spinning, falling jet.

“Okay, well what was that?”

“I may have given Bailey the spare parachute.”

“You what now?” Daisy was consumed by rage and fear. “This is no time to be a hero, (Y/N). Your life is at stake.”

“I’m stuck!”

To Daisy, the room fell silent even though there were dozens of conversations happening in the room. It was only her and (Y/N).

She heard her friend conceal a sob in the disguise of a shaky breath, and Daisy felt like screaming in angst. She couldn’t do anything, and her friend was about to die.

“When our engine got taken out the front got damaged. My seat’s stuck, it won’t eject. My legs don’t look too good either, especially my left one. I think it’s crushed from where the side of the jet collapsed after impact.”

(Y/N)‘s voice was calm but far from fearless. She was panicking, and so was Daisy.

She only had seconds until impact, and both women hated how hopeless they were.

“Daisy, tell me something good.”

“(Y/N)-“

“Daisy please. Please distract me.”

Her plea broke through to Daisy, and she knew what she had to do. Pushing her own grief aside, Daisy focused on (Y/N)’s voice and not the flashing red numbers in front of her. She even smiled to sound more genuine.

“So you know how we brought Deke back from space?”

(Y/N) laughed. “Yeah, and he has a total crush on you. Why are we talking about him right now?”

“Well, did you know he filled my bed with lemons to express his love for me?”

“You’re kidding”.

“Unfortunately no. It reminded me of summer camp-“

“With Jason Higgins! Oh my god, that kid had it bad for me.”

Daisy laughed at the memory, her eyes filling with tears. (Y/N)’s breathing was intensifying as the ground grew closer and closer.

“He gave you an apple everyday.” Daisy continued, trying to distract her.

“Yeah, a Granny Smith which I hated. So on the last day of camp and I stole his beloved toy car and a black marker and wrote-“

Static.

Silence.

“(Y/N)?”

More silence.

Daisy screamed.

#marvel #agents of shield #daisy x reader #Daisy Johnson #daisy johnson x reader #mcu #aos #fanfic #fanfiction #angst #jemma simmons #request #writing #my writing

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spacetravels · 5 years

Note

I feel dumb but what are podcasts? Where do you listen to them? How do you know if they're good????

omg podcasts are shows that are usually entirely audio in like, a ton of different genres!! i like to listen to podcasts on spotify but there is also the podcasts app for iOS and also a ton of podcasts are on youtube !! as for if they’re good it’s mostly like, doing a lot of exploring on ur own and finding what u like since there r so many podcasts for so many diff topics... i can rec my faves to try that i listen to on the regular if u wanna try any!!:

and that’s why we drink (true crime & the paranormal and so, so underrated)

99% invisible (i adore roman mars & design podcasts)

ologies with alie ward (educational and fascinating!!)

my brother my brother & me (comedy advice show, mcelroy content in general honestly)

off topic, always open, & the rooster teeth podcast (probs would only catch ur attn if ur an rtah fan but :”))

oh no ross and carrie! (ahdksnsk kinda crazy but so so good)

a taste of the past (SUPER cool historical lens into food)

bon appetit foodcast (just. bon appetit)

ted radio hour (it’s ted LOL idk how to pitch it. it’s good!!)

daniel & jorge explain the universe (a science podcast!)

the adventure zone & critical role (groupin together cuz dnd and like, probably the biggest followings here cuz mcelroys and critrole but podcast form)

i wish i could rec more fictioncasts but they’re not rly my thing huhu but i’ve rly enjoyed the bright sessions and started king’s fall AM if ur more into listening to fictional stories but ! i am not kidding abt exploring podcasts for urself cuz there r just so many and so many celeb & youtuber hosts and so many topics that u can defs find one that fits u if u wanna get into them !

#amanda answers #i got SO many podcasts i listen to but these r just current faves #also if u like cats. uhm. the purrrcast #if u like hockey i enjoy puck soup #my dad wrote a porno is a CLASSIQUE #i also love creative pep talk & north v south for art & design stuff and also design matters by debbie millman !

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squaredcircleconfess · 4 years

Text

Talking Christ #1

𝗕𝗥𝗢𝗨𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗧𝗢 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗕𝗬 𝗦𝗤𝗨𝗔𝗥𝗘𝗗 𝗖𝗜𝗥𝗖𝗟𝗘 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗙𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗔𝗟

𝗛𝗢𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗕𝗬 𝗟𝗢𝗚𝗔𝗡 𝗙𝗘𝗡𝗜𝗫 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗞𝗜𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗡 𝗙𝗥𝗔𝗨𝗦𝗧

The Talking Christ by Squared Circle Confidential signature plays until the scene transitions over to Kiersten Fraust and Logan Fenix sitting on opposite sides of the large glass table. A backdrop of the Talking Christ logo behind them ready to start the show.

Kiersten Fraust: Hey everybody and welcome to Talking Christ! I'm Kiersten Fraust and to my right is my very outspoken co-host Logan Fenix joining me tonight! Wooo! What a show Wrestling with Christ in Saudi Arabia was, right?

Logan Fenix: It was a complete catastrophe, Kiersten, but it was the kind of catastrophe I could not look away from like a child falling down an escalator. I laughed, I cried, I threw up in my mouth in sheer disgust and much much more.

Kiersten Fraust: I was very surprised how they got away with so much of the stuff that happened. Being Saudi Arabia and how strict things are over there. I'm just thankful that everybody who made the trip came back to the United States and their homes safely.

Logan Fenix: Got away with it? Hercule Giles was over there forever, according to Brennan Devlin they’re still picking apart Bun Bun to this very day. They all left pieces of themselves behind, quite literally, and none of them will ever be the same. Do you know how much the therapy is going to cost them all?

Kiersten Fraust: Well, you know sometimes people tend to exaggerate things online and really... my mind is still trying to process everything that happened. The whole golden ticket championship madness throughout both nights of the show. Everyone thinking that Marty Kovacs was dead but shows up on night two very much alive. I mean there is a ton more which will require therapy for the viewers.

Logan Fenix: And what about say for instance, C.J. Sweet turning her back on everything she’d ever known in this business. From the start of her career, she’d been the good girl, the fan favorite… one big win and suddenly her personality shifted and she turned her back on Angel and the fans. Somehow, that paid off and you know what? I’m actually happy to see that side of her.

Kiersten Fraust: Seeing her in that light is kinda disturbing to me. It's honestly sad because she had so many fans rooting for her, rooting for Angel, rooting for this match but then she turns her back on them? I don't get it.

Logan Fenix: That’s what you do when you are trying to make that next step, to turn that next corner. This CJ has a lot more stock in her than the last and I am happy to see it. But then, we had on Night One, Jacob Kuntz taking on Winter Drell. This one had a lot of potential to change the very outlook of Night Two. Because if Kuntz won, it changed our main event from winner take all… If Winter won, well, the chances of Winner Take All weren’t just chances anymore, they were happening. Boy what a fight that was too.

Kiersten Fraust: Ever since Winter Drell won the CCW heavyweight championship she has done everything in her power to keep it. Like when she ate the light tube in her match against Jacob Kuntz. That match was very, very, very brutal thing to witness and I was just sitting at home watching. I can't imagine what it was like seeing it in person. Then Kuntz? Oh my lord, he was just taking the blunt of every light tube that came in contact with his... Uhh.. private area.

Logan Fenix: But in the end, Winter Drell hung on… somehow, the Queen of the Double Dragons ensured that she had her chance for Winter Take All. Get it? Winter take all. But before we get to that.. Chang had an eventful weekend, he killed Allah!

Kiersten Fraust: While you're all celebrating it, I just don't know how to process it all. Were we all tripping on something we didn't know we took before this match or what? Like Chang killed this invisible presence. It's like...

Kiersten Fraust: My words have failed me.

Logan Fenix: Love it, love everything about it, and let’s not forget what he did to Prince Salman. You saw what he did, right? It was like something out of the Avengers. I kept waiting for Samuel L. Jackson to show up at the end and recruit him.

Kiersten Fraust: Throughout this match I was thinking how we were watching a collaboration between Avengers and Terminator movies in wrestling. But yeah, I saw what Chang did to Prince Salman. I wish I didn't but I did.

Logan Fenix: It was the most captivating, enthralling, some would even say erotic thing I’ve ever seen, Kiersten.

Kiersten Fraust: Don't you mean exotic? Like Joe Exotic.

Logan Fenix: No, erotic. As in I experienced confusing emotions in my brain, and in my nether regions. My girlfriend Taylour and I had the best lovemaking experience of our lives after watching Chang’s matches.

Kiersten Fraust: Uhmmm... Okay. How about that Winter take all? It was one of the best things you've said tonight. And she really showed up in that match. The champ was kicking butt and much more.

Logan Fenix: Everything I say is good things, Frausty. But you’re right! What about when Redd Thunder and Duke Andrews hurled themselves into the Double Dragons, all of them went off the Heaven in a Cell to the floor. Thank goodness for Wendy Wynne’s magic toilet paper maze… it was magic right? Actually, let’s not get into the mysticism of an enchanted toilet paper maze, we’ll be here all day. What a move from Thunder and Andrews though, but it did not pay off in the end.

Kiersten Fraust: Constantine was about to win it for his team but then the freakin' devil shows up? The Saudi Arabia crowd definitely got more than what they bargained for. It was hellish with little sprinkles of good thrown in here and there.

Logan Fenix: It seemed like Satan may have been making an offer to Constantine too, but Winter took the deal instead… and then the end, when the building was finally overrun? And did you see the post-credits?!

Kiersten Fraust: Where Chang was holding Prince Salman's heart and declaring he was going after Jesus next? Yeah, I saw it. I wonder how that match will go down, if it will be a match at all.

Logan Fenix: We did see a logo at the end for Wrestling With Christ: Satanic Service, maybe? But let’s not get ahead, we have some guests!

Kiersten Fraust: Oh yes! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our very first guests to the show Conor Machina and Mitch McMaster.

Both men walk on to the set, Mitch acting like he had a few extra shots of hard liquor and Conor his cool and collected self. They sit at each end of the table as they are given microphones.

Kiersten Fraust: Guys! It's so great to have you here. Thanks for coming tonight.

Conor Machina: It's a pleasure to be here.

Mitch McMaster: Wow look at you honey.

Mitch scooting closer to Kiersten, obviously very inebriated and thirsty for a drink of that Frausty root beer.

Kiersten Fraust: Wow, and look at you too. But I wanted to ask how your client Barry is doing after the loss to Axel at Wrestling with Christ?

Mitch McMaster: Oh you like what I’ve got goin’ on don’t you honey? Who? Oh, Barry! Barry, I love Barry, that kids been family for ages. We’ll get Axel, don’t you worry. My baby girl Angel made a bad choice in a man, and I have to protect her.

Kiersten Fraust: How did this match come about?

Mitch McMaster: It all comes about at Wrestling With Christ 2. He asked her to marry him, it was brief, but I caught it. Now, I always dreamt of better for my girl, she’s so many generations ahead of wrestler that she deserves the best. Instead, she has to deal with that wrestling equivalent of a mutt? Nuh uh! I thought maybe Barry would whoop some sense into this guy but, apparently, I need to look deeper because he cheated Badass Barry Saban. You saw it right?!

Logan Fenix: The world saw it, Mitch. Several closed fists, which should be banned but the referee just lets it go.

Conor Machina: I know the thought of your daughter marrying Axel gets you extremely hot under the collar and it's natural for you to disapprove of him and want better for Angel. But I have known Axel for a really long time and the guy's a good dude. Nobody would mess with her with him around.

Kiersten Fraust: I totally agree.

Conor Machina: Now as far as the closed fists are concerned... What about that low blow Barry gave to Axel when you distracted the referee? Are you guys just selectively blind during the match? Barry had it coming.

Kiersten Fraust: Yes. Excellent point.

Mitch McMaster: You have a problem or something boy? Your line of questioning is starting to get me hot under the collar, I did what I had to do and I’ll do it again. But right now it seems to me you’re trying to rabble rouse and cause issue. You’ve been looking at me cross-eyed this whole show and I might be an old man but this old man still got a lot of bullets left in his gun.

Conor chuckles into his microphone.

Conor Machina: I mean this with the utmost respect but come get your ass kicking, playboy. Pull the trigger.

Mitch McMaster: Oh it’s on, boy, I’m going to slap you around like your mama should have before she went out and let me put my thing in her way back in the day.

He jumped up as security rushed in to keep the two men separated.

Mitch McMaster: Better watch your ass big boy, me and the homies are coming for you. Better sleep with one eye open cause froggy’s about to leap! RIBBIT MOTHERFUCKER.

Conor Machina: Tell me... was there a secret stipulation to that match if Axel won, Angel had to call him daddy?

Mitch McMaster: Watch yourself because McMaster spells disaster for you, kid! And my daughter would never be into DDLG fetishism! That tears it!

McMaster threw a shoe across the room at Conor, nearly taking his head off as he was drug out of the room.

Mitch McMaster: RIBBIT MOTHERFUCKER, RIBBIT!

Kiersten Fraust: Well, this is an interesting way to sign off. See everyone next time.

Mitch continues to shout out of camera view and the show finally comes to an end.

#wrestlingwithchrist #talkingchrist #efed #chat

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ladykateofledfordpark · 5 years

Text

No-one Understands (Charlotte's Diary)

This fic is inspired by day 18 of the Choices July Chalkenge hosted by the amazing @kinda-iconic under the profile @choicesjulychallenge!

Dedicated to @mariaoz and @itsbrindleybinch , my lovely Jaime lovers! ;)

Tagging also amazing and supportive people, old and new: @lady-kato @jlpplays1 @desiree-0816 @brightpinkpeppercorn and @flyawayboo @darley1101! Thank you for everything! =D

This entry takes place years after the timeline of the original series, when Charlotte is near finishing school.

Day 18 Prompt: Family

Summary: After a few cruel comments, Charlotte and Jaime share a few comforting moments.

Notes:

There is no "Dear Diary" and a "Sincerely" on purpose!

Talk about death and bullying-ish.

----------

3.9.2014

I don't know how long it's been since Mom passed away. The love and the affection she once gave me are now forever gone, only wisps of memories flying away.

And I'm desperately trying to chase after them.

Other people aren't nearly as understanding as I need. They speak about me freely, their words like sticky poison trickling down my back. I tried fighting it once, but soon my efforts proved fruitless.

Most days are cruel, but today was another matter entirely.

I sat in recess, writing in my special story-writing notebook, when I once again heard my name. I knew the best reaction was ignorance, but my focus was now half gone.

So I couldn't help but overhear every word.

"Charlotte is making such a big deal out of this," one of them said, "I get it, her mother died, but there are much worse things in the world. She should move on, already, and stop wallowing in self-pity."

I grit my teeth as I forced my hand to continue writing. She wasn't even eighteen yet, but how was she supposed to figure out what she wanted in life? So many roads, so little…

Another shook their head. "She's probably just a poor spoiled girl."

I bit my lip. I needed to continue writing, but what would be a good way to continue it?

"Not surprising."

The grip on my pencil tightened. Tears started to prick me eyes, and no matter what I told myself, they didn't disappear.

What was wrong with me? Why did their words get to me?

I closed my eyes. “So many roads, so little…”

Maybe, maybe, saying these words out loud would help my concentration.

The first one spoke again. “I don’t know, she really needs to learn to count her blessings. We all have troubles in life, and none of us get special treatment for it.”

I silently closed the notebook, and attached the pen to its spine. Notebook now in hand, I hurried toward the exit, where the students were huddled in a half circle.

And I stopped right there.

“Excuse me.”

They turned to me, and gaped when they realized I was there. I don’t know how, but somehow this always happens to me. It’s as if I’m almost invisible.

“Yes, I’m Charlotte, remember?” I forced a smile, before forcing back the tears. “I just want to remind you, that just as the way you have problems I have mine. And just as I don’t judge you based on your problems, I would expect that gesture to be returned. Thank you for your kind words and now I need to go.”

I pushed past them till I was almost running out of school, out of the cruel place. I stopped when I reached the tiny playground, which at this hour was nearly empty. It was slowly starting to darken, or maybe that was just me. I didn’t know. At this moment the world was a cruel and dark place, and I just wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

I would be safer there.

Of course, I knew these people didn’t mean for me to hear their words, but I did. Maybe it wasn’t intended to bring me down, but the fact that they even had the guts to say their thoughts like that came with enough blame.

I smiled weakly when I looked down at my notebook. At least I wasn’t completely alone.

I carefully opened it and took a shaky breath. My eyes scanned the last paragraph I wrote, and once again I read the last sentence. “So many roads, so little…”

However, my concentration was gone. I couldn’t feel the writing urge anymore. My body was like a wordless vessel, waiting for the saving inspiration to come.

It didn’t arrive. Maybe because of the tears that wouldn’t leave, maybe because of the pain pulsing through my heart. It couldn’t come.

“Char!”

I raised my head. It wasn’t Dawn, the girl I almost didn’t talk with anymore. It wasn’t one of those classmates, coming to apologize. It wasn’t Tristan, my boyfriend.

It was Jaime, my best friend.

“Hey, what happened?” He asked as he neared me.

“Nothing,” I answered, forcing my legs to quickly take me away.

Jaime wouldn't let me go. He took a gentle hold of my arm and led me to an empty bench. As we sat down, he scanned me, as if my face hid everything I could ever tell him.

But his attempt was fruitless. Jaime frowned as he carefully took hold of my hand. “Was it your mom again?”

“It was nothing. Just hormones, I guess.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “It was not nothing, Char. Even with all the extra-sensitivity in the world, you need a reason to cry. And you’re not the type of person to cry over nonsense.”

I shook my head. What was I supposed to say?

“I’m not crying,” I said at last.

“You’re about to.”

I smiled. It was a weak one, but it was still there. “You know me too well.”

“That’s my job, as your best friend.”

“I guess.”

I knew Jaime was still waiting for me to answer, but I didn’t know what to say. “It’s stupid. Some kids said things about my mom. I already heard thousands of other stupid comments about her, but their words come and only then I'm tearing up.”

Jaime looked deep into my eyes, his pain almost as strong as mine. “I’m sorry, Char. What did they say?”

“Basically they said that I’m acting like a poor victim and need to stop doing that. That’s it taking too long for me to get over her. All kinds of things.”

Jaime clenched his fists. “I wish I was there to stop them. I hate when people think they understand how it is to be in a certain situation, when they really don’t. It’s not as simple as it seems.”

I smiled weakly. "Thank you."

He squeezed my hand. "It's nothing. I had enough similar experiences. For some reason, people believe they'll always know better than me about adoption."

I didn’t know what to say. Jaime almost never talks about this, even with me, so hearing him mention it touched me in a million places.

I returned the hold he had on my hand, hoping my warmth will be even a bit of comfort.

Maybe that was what pushed him to continue.

“Some people think that adoption is easy. And maybe it is, for kids who were adopted as babies. But in reality, that’s not the case. I was adopted when I was just a kid, barely old enough to remember. It was hard, moving to a new place, with complete and utter strangers. I felt alone, a little boy trying to figure this world out. Sometimes I still feel that way.”

A bitter smile rose to his face. “There are times when I lie in my bed and wonder what would've happened if my parents wouldn’t have chosen me. Where are my biological parents? Who are they? Who would I had been today if I wasn’t sent to adoption? If Mom and Dad could still send me back, would they?”

“Jaime…”

Jaime’s face suddenly softened. “Charlotte, you also don’t understand how I feel. But you don’t pretend to, and that’s why I know I can share with you anything. I’ll always know you’re here, just like you were all those years ago, when we first met.”

My tears reemerged, but this time out of happiness: pure and blissful joy only Jaime gave me. “Thank you,” I whispered.

Jaime shook his head, his beautiful smile once again on his face. “You still didn’t tell me about how you feel.”

My first instinct was to run behind my regular facade; but this was Jaime, and he just poured his heart out for me. So I took a deep breath, and forces the words out.

“I know most people don’t understand how death is, and the sad truth is that they’ll never truly get it. No one knows how hard it is to lose someone like Mom, even if they experienced the same type of loss themselves. I hate when some people believe they know better than me, as if they themselves experienced it. How can they know the way her death changed everything completely around? How Dad suddenly stopped smiling, and then started to constantly bring me down? How the happiness in my life is now so much smaller, leaving me almost alone?"

I looked up at Jaime, my eyes shining with tears, adoration and affection. I was so lucky to have him.

"But you're always here, and I will never ever forget that. Jaime, if it wasn't for you…" I shook my head with a smile, "I don't know what I would've done."

He brushed his thumb along my hand, a simple yet genuine smile to his face. "Always."

We sat there for a few more minutes. Everything was quiet, but if before it was haunting, now it was almost relaxing. I may have still been broken, but Jaime was here with me.

"Jaime," I asked once we started walking back, "how did you know to find me?"

A mischievous twinkle rose in his eyes. "Why are you even asking, Char? We're best friends."

When I laughed, the realisation suddenly hit.

Ever since my mom died, ever since everything change, the best moments of my day were with Jaime.

And maybe it would always stay that way.

-Charlotte

#playchoices #choices #choices stories you play #jaime x mc #jaime lewis #jaime lewis x mc #wishful thinking jaime #choices wishful thinking #wishful thinking #wt #choices wt #wt jaime #mc x jaime lewis #mc x jaime #choices july challenge #charlotte's diary

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science-lings · 5 years

Note

#47!!

47- Stars

It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for Peter to be unable to sleep. Especially after the traumatic experience of dying and coming back to life only to witness his hero die slowly in front of him. He tried to focus on the cool grass under him and his own constant heartbeat.

Unfortunately, it only reminded him that he was still alive while the great Tony Stark was not. The man who had become a father while Peter was dusted, who had a family, who was willing to sacrifice his life for the safety of everyone else even when they never seemed to appreciate it.

Peter was convinced that Tony deserved to live. Even if it meant he would’ve stayed a pile of dust on a distant planet. It may have been selfish but Peter wanted his mentor back. He didn’t understand why it had to be him, why it had to be Tony to make the choice, to snap his fingers. There where gods and people enhanced enough to survive using the infinity stones all around them.

Maybe that was what messed Peter up the most. Tony didn’t have to die. In fact, Peter could have used the stones. He had the gauntlet for a while. He was enhanced... he could’ve done... something. Anything. He could’ve saved Tony. He wished he did. He wished he could go back in time and do everything over again. He didn’t know his first actual hug with his newest father figure would also be his last.

Peter ripped himself away from his thoughts. They would only send him into another spiral. He looked up at the night sky, clearer than he had ever seen it in the middle of the city. Clearer than he would’ve ever seen it before the decimation.

There were thousands of stars, an infinite universe right in front of him, making him feel small. Which he was thankful for. After everyone being convinced that he was the new Iron Man, the youngest Avenger, some sort of new beginning, he just wanted to be small again. Invisible again.

He wanted to not see himself on every screen, not be framed for murder and not to be exposed like some fucked up science experiment to be dissected by the asshole that hosted the Alex Jones Esque ‘news’ show.

Peter wanted to escape. He just had nowhere to go. He had been slandered and the temporary privacy in Pepper Potts’ hidden cabin was limited. Peter couldn’t go on Instagram to check out Michelle's photos without seeing some hot take about the spider-man situation. He couldn’t take a dumb Buzzfeed quiz without an article teasing the edge of his vision with a stupid picture of him aiding to the clickbait.

Peter stared at the stars, wishing he could just escape.

Like a fairytale, a light in the sky seemed to approach him. No, it wasn’t the incoming apocalypse, it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. It was a spaceship. The only spaceship that he recognized besides the donut ship. The Guardians ship.

Peter stumbled to his feet and watched as the aircraft landed steadily in the field in front of him. As the spacecraft lowered and opened its doors, Peter got an idea.

What better escape from the world that thought he was a murderer than into space? The guardians were outlaws, They were a crazy group of aliens and part aliens and if anyone would take pity on him, it could be them. He could at least ask.

“Isn’t it a little late to be stargazing? I thought it’s past your bedtime!” The other Peter yelled as he sauntered off of his ship.

“I guess being blamed for murder tends to keep a kid up at night!” Peter smiled. “You got any more room on that spaceship? I’m kinda getting tired of hiding in the middle of the woods.”

“Maybe... Are you cool with sleeping on the floor?”

“I prefer the ceiling or I can always make my own web hammock.”

“You cool with rooming with a tree?”

“Sure.”

“Okay fine, pack up for a little galactic field trip. No fights, you’re on tech duty with Rocket. Dammit, I came here for my jacket, not another kid...” Peter was already running back to the cabin though.

“Thanks, Mr. Starlord! I’ll try not to be too annoying!”

“Too late!”

#Sometimes escaping your trauma is going into space with some wacky aliens and thor #ask gay #still doing this #one word writing prompt #kinda want to write peter with the guardians now...#Anonymous

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foreverbeingthunderbuddy · 6 years

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Just Say It [one-shot]

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Prompt: “Not to be dramatic, but I am going to die if we don’t do something … like now.”

Summary: Tony throws a Halloween party – the first ever for the reader. What to wear when you want to impress your superhero crush, Steve, but also want to hold on to your dignity? light, fluff, and one or two cuss words ;)

A/N: This is my piece for @starksparker’s 10k Writing Challenge! I’m so so sorry this is coming so late :// Prompt is in bold. Also first time I wrote for Steve so please don’t kill me :) Word count around 5,5k. Gif by @drunkromanogers .

Masterlist

Until you moved to New York, Halloween was never really a big thing for you.

Your little group of friends in your hometown never bothered throwing an actual party or attending one, it was always more like a coming-together while wearing cat ears and eat chips in candlelight kind of thing. Of course a scary movie would play on TV and you’d spend your night screaming at too many badly done jumpscares while your friends would laugh and talk about how badly done these jumpscares were.

You like to think you never went to a party dressed like a slutty bunny because you are better than that, but behind that carefully built wall of denial you know it’s because you never got invited.

So? There are worse things in life.

For instance, being invited by your boss Tony fucking Stark to come to his probably way-over-the-top Halloween party with no Halloween party-experience on your side whatsoever. Do people still go slutty these days or are scary costumes actually in now? Should you come alone or bring someone? Besides, for a party of that scale, do people even put on costumes or is that just an excuse to have another sinful fête (how May, your supervisor, always calls it) and everyone wears the usual glamour and glitz-attire?

Google doesn’t seem to be able to give a clear answer.

Another question. Assuming people actually go scary nowadays, what could you wear that would both showcase your funny, spontaneous side by committing to a creative, spooky outfit, and your sexy, I’m-single-too-must-be-destiny side by, well, wearing something sexy?

Even though sexy isn’t usually the style you feel most comfortable in, a party is a party and a party whose guest will be Steve “strongest BDE” Rogers calls for special actions.

“Before I forget, have you finally figured out your costume for the party next week?” Roxie asks and takes a sip from the cup filled with hot chocolate in her hands. Her dark eyes roam over your face curiously, eager not to miss the smallest hint of emotion. Roxie knows about your crush on Steve.

“Nope. Last night I had a drink, or four, and I thought it’d be super funny if I showed up as Captain America. With a shield and angry eyes and everything. But then I thought, maybe that’s weird to dress up as … Steve basically to impress said Steve.” Your last words hang in the air like a question and you see Roxie raise her eyebrows.

“Odd mating call, I have to admit,” She says and breaks into a grin but collects herself when you threateningly lift your index finger. “But of course, I, too, think that’d be a great idea. Or you don’t dress up as an Avenger when going to a party hosted by the Avengers. Just a suggestion.”

You sigh and look down into your own cup on the table in front of you. You’re sitting in your little kitchen, both gulping down hot chocolate like it’s water and listening to old songs playing on the radio.

She came straight from the hair salon to show off her now super short hair à la Danai Jekesai Gurira and you spent the last fifteen minutes admiring every single inch of it. And then you spent another ten minutes praising the white eyeliner she’s wearing that builds the perfect contrast to her dark skin and got all the details about the collection that “Never gonna buy anywhere else, Y/N, I’m serious”-eyeliner comes from.

“What if- I mean, we know Steve lived in the 40s right, so what if you went all retro and dressed up as someone from the fourties or fifties? That’s trendy nowadays and you like old stuff, right?” Roxie asks and you don’t miss the teasing sparkle in her eyes.

“You like old stuff?” was the exact question she asked the moment you told her you fell for Steve Rogers. She didn’t intend to be mean, she just wanted to provoke you out of your Finally-we-have-world-peace, trance-like state that you were in during the first weeks of having a thing, a huge thing, for him.

“Isn’t he like a hundred years old?”

“Um, no, I mean, uh- no. He didn’t age, Roxie, not his fault he was frozen.”

“….. Imagine the diseases he could have. I’m sure a hundred years ago diseases were different. I don’t think our modern bodies are made for 40s’ STDs. You could die.”

“Um, I don’t think our bodies are made for any kind of STD but that’s not the point.”

She has admitted she finds him kinda hot, too, but she’s too proud to go any further than that. Sometimes you wish you could read her mind. Or more accurately, all the time.

“Yes, I like old stuff. Old music and clothes, everyone does. It’s called vintage,” You say and try to distract her before she gets the chance to start philosophizing about Steve’s STDs again.

Alleged STDs. She has no proof he actually has them and you’re definitely not going to tell her that he probably was a virgin until he woke up in the modern day. Again, no proof, but people talk and people speculate, especially people who work for Stark in the Tower or Upstate Facility and who regularly pick up a couple of words and sentences here and there, making six out of two and two.

You probably shouldn’t believe anything that gets exchanged in the daily Stark Industries gossip meetings in the hallways and kitchens but … believing Steve didn’t bang his way through the country in the 40s does help calm your jealousy a bit. A tiny bit.

You know he had girlfriends since starting to work for Tony but a girl can ignore that and wait ‘til she’s home and has a glass of wine in her hand before she turns to google to figure out what the “Ten Signs He Likes You” are. Preferably, there’s a phone in her other hand and her best friend (Roxie) on the line.

Cliché, you know, but … there’s a reason why these things are cliché, they’re just too fitting. And relatable. Roxie disagrees.

“But just imagine. You, in a 1940s vintage style tea dress, grey tartan, short sleeve. Black T-Strap Pumps, but sexy. I’m talking five inch heels. You’re going to a Halloween party, not church. Ooh! And one of those little hats that women wore on the side of their heads. And red lipstick, heavy eye make-up, some rouge. Did they have anything else? A highlighter?”

“You look remarkably excited about your vintage ideas for someone who doesn’t like old stuff,” You comment but can’t hide a smile. Your best friend is a stylist first and a lawyer second. Only the latter professionally, but the former at heart. If you let her, she would give you a complete make-over. Needless to say, the thought alone scares the shit out of you. She is just too unpredictable.

“Y/N, maybe try to contribute to this brainstorming, would you, I’m trying to get you somewhere.”

*****

You shouldn’t have made brownies. What made you think bringing brownies to a Tony Stark party was a good idea? You are going to make a fool out of yourself if you walk in there with two loads of self-made goods in your hands. What made you think this was “cool and spontaneous”?

Ah, yeah, right. Ally told you this year’s party wouldn’t be held in one of Tony’s mansions or the Tower. Due to some mild excesses last year, Tony – and the various authorities involved, yikes – has decided to keep it small and personal this year. His words, not yours. The party will be at someone’s apartment in New York where you live, but rumour has it that that someone is loaded as fuck, so apartment probably doesn’t apply entirely.

Read: a gigantic loft.

The fact that there aren’t going to be as many people here as you thought, makes you a little nervous because your anonymity and option of turning invisible, if everything gets too much, go downhill the minute you step through the front door. Hard to disappear without leaving if there’s hardly any space to disappear into.

Why the brownies?

How Ally put it, it sounded like this is a cozy, little get-together among friends and bringing something is usually what you do when you’re invited to something like that, right? Right?? Roxie talked you into it, to be honest.

“Men love those!” She screamed whilst wildly pointing at the freshly baked goods on the counter, “Everybody loves chocolate caramel layer scares, trust me. He won’t know what’s happening to him.”

Ha. You can guess what’s going to happen to him if he tries more than one of these: diabetes. Not that you told her that.

It’s fine, Y/N, it’s gonna be fine, just drop the brownies on the diamond counter and never get near the kitchen again, so no one will suspect any connection between you and these health risks.

You take a deep breath and one last look at the intimidating building in front of you before you start walking to the entrance. It’s been a while since you last wore heels, but thankfully Roxie doesn’t just understand style but also comfort and picked a pair that looks and feels good. You shouldn’t get too optimistic, though, the evening hasn’t even begun yet.

Before you reach the glass door, you see your own reflexion in the dim street lights.

Your outfit is exactly what she envisioned in your kitchen, grey, very 40s, very femme fatale and tight on the right places. She even got you one of those “little hats women wore on the side of their heads”. Her sister Florence took care of your make-up which means you have your face all done up, smokey eyes, lashes who aren’t exactly your own, dewy cheeks and serious red lipstick.

To add a tiny scary factor, Roxie and Florence put some fake blood on your stomach area to make it look like you got stabbed, some on the side of your head where the hat sits – “Someone crashed the hat needles into your skull, Y/N, and blood is dripping down your temple” – and on one corner of your mouth.

You wish you could have taken Roxie with you as your plus one, but Ally said no companion – small circle. Well, judging by the music already coming from a window on the, what, sixth floor (?) small circle means something entirely different to Tony. Who knows how many people he invited.

You step into the building and walk to the reception. Yes, you heard right. Reception. This is going to be fancy, you can tell. Doesn’t help your goddamn nervousness. The box in your hands gets heavier and heavier the longer you hold it and there’s one needle attaching the hat to your head that just pokes into your scalp like it’s holding on for dear life. You need to fix that as soon as you find a bathroom.

Nothing in this lobby hints at the ongoing party or its theme, everything looks as sterile as possible. Not Tony’s style, admittedly, but you guess he had trouble with the neighbours, so he refrained from decorating everything.

“Good evening, Miss, can I help you?” The man behind the desk asks and looks up to you over his round little glasses. Is that a smile or just a coincidental shadow illusion on his face?

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N, I was invited to Tony Stark’s Halloween party,” You answer (um look at my costume?) and try another smile that doesn’t get reciprocated, instead he nods and pulls up a piece of paper that looks like a list. Oh, there’s a smiling pumpkin candle on his desk, right next to the little box of paperclips. Mister Dead Inside rebelling against the stuck up neighbours, what a nice touch.

Within a few seconds he finds your name, puts a check mark behind it and meets your eyes again with a sober look on his face.

“The elevator is over there, the party is on the fifth floor, 1-0-3-1 is the code for tonight. I hope you’ll have a very nice evening, Miss Y/L/N.”

I hope so, too.

You thank him and walk to where he pointed, punch the numbers into the little keyboard on the wall and step into the opening elevator. The last thing you see before the doors close is him pulling out what looks like another pumpkin candle from one of his drawers and positioning it on his desk.

There’s no music coming from any speakers in the elevator during your ride up, but there’s definitely music coming from outside the elevator, growing louder and louder the higher you get. Hrrr, your pulse really has no business speeding up like that. It’s not like you’ve never been to a party.

You’ve just never been at a party smaller than Tony’s huge orgies (basically) and therefore never got the chance to talk to Steve with a champagne glass in your hand and no “I have to go save the world now, sorry, dear” between you two. All you know is Business Steve, stern eyes, determined eyebrows, important stuff to do. You have no clue what Private Steve is like. And that’s … kinda scary.

What if Private Steve is a douche? No. He isn’t. You don’t need to know him to know that. But what if Private Steve is boring and stiff (hmm) or … what if he likes to collect stamps or miniature trains? Is there a bigger mood killer in this world than collecting miniature trains and would you be able to stand above it?

Roxie would be of great help right now, it’s a shame you couldn’t bring her.

The doors open and reveal an open, dark hallway that is decorated with spider nets, candles, two skeletons, fake blood on the wall, a couple of pumpkins, a crooked mirror and various dusty boxes and murder equipment. This looks surprisingly awesome. After what you saw in the lobby, your expectations fell to a humble level but this is really cool.

At least a dozen voices can be heard from around the corner and the music is a notch too loud for your liking. You hesitate for another second before entering the apartment and slowly walk around the corner. What you see definitely has Tony Stark written all over it.

Take the decorations from the entrance and multiply it by a hundred. You have never seen this many different candles, and someone really had a blast with the fake spider nets. There is even a broken chandelier hanging from the ceiling, adding to the dim, mysterious atmosphere produced by the candles and blinking chains of lights.

It looks like a great party.

Oh and the people? As diverse as it gets. From vampires, werewolves and witches to pirates, various animals including a giraffe, to cartoon show characters, murdered people, injured people, angry people, to clowns, zombies, princesses, nuns, nurses, monks, angels and devils, the KFC guy and oh, is that one-armed Spongebob?

Looks like people go scary, sexy and funny. Questions answered. Time to drop off the brownies that are still in your hands and that feel like two hundred pounds at this point. No one seems to notice you as you walk past the Power Rangers and follow Ernie and Bert into a hallway that hopefully leads to the kitchen.

It doesn’t. It leads to another hallway with several closed doors which could be bedrooms. Ah. Ernie and Bert want to make out. Your bad. You turn around and walk back to the gigantic living room that in itself looks like a loft and try to make out the way to your admired location.

“Am I having hallucinations or did the 1950s just arrive at my party?” A voice suddenly asks and you jump, not expecting the noise next to you. The person who the voice belongs to turns out to be a black Aladdin, open vest showcasing abs and everything, completed by silver eyeliner and a fake wig to get the typical 1001 Nights Prince’s hair but doesn’t quite fit the rest of his appearance. But who are you to judge a dedicated man’s Halloween costume at his own party?

“Yeah, that actually might be a hallucination because I don’t represent the 50s, but the 40s,” You say and smile, just as Albert Einstein walks past you. Something to tell your grandkids about.

“Oh, I’m sorry M’lady, I got the decade wrong but the costume looks, um, fetching.”

Is this really how people talked in the 40s? Probably not. You laugh and feel a little of your nervousness go. Only a little, but still.

“So this is your party? Can you tell me where the kitchen is then?”

“Over there, next to the skeleton on the wall and the bloody unicorn. Thank you for bringing something, Miss 40s, I really hope this is dessert.”

“It is. Brownies,” You say and watch as Aladdin punches the air in joy.

“Nice! I’m glad Tony invited you, no one else brought Brownies yet. Speaking of, Tony should be here somewhere,” He informs you and roams the crowd.

Oh, please let him be Genie! Please let him be Genie, God, please!

Tony Stark topless in blue body paint and a little ponytail on the top of his head is something that would make the whole stress worth it.

You scan the room and look for Tony but you find someone else. Steve. Standing with a small group of people, a beer in his hand, he looks too beautiful to handle. So much about getting calmer.

“Okay, I’ll bring these to the kitchen, thank you!” You quickly announce and start to move.

“It was my pleasure, a lady in distress, how could I not help? The royal court has raised me to be a Prince, not a dizzard,” Aladdin proclaims and tips his fedora- you mean, his little hat. Didn’t Aladdin grow up on the street and only got access to the palace when he met Jasmine? This Aladdin here either forgot his own origin story or had more than a couple of drinks already.

While dodging guests, you walk over to the skeleton and the bloody unicorn (another guest) and enter the kitchen. Having a will of steel, you didn’t once look at Steve or check out his outfit. Like a powerful queen.

You walk around the kitchen island and put the box on the huge counter (not diamond by the way) and start unpacking. It looks like a lot of people brought some stuff, thankfully, and you place yours at the dessert side of the buffet. There are a couple of vampires with you in the room, but suddenly you hear more people walk in behind you.

“… like it’s the worst, Abe.”

“If anyone makes another theatre joke to my face, I think I’m actually gonna shoot someone,” A deep voice answers and you turn around.

Abraham Lincoln and a zombie nurse are deep in conversation while the nurse pours glasses of bowle on the kitchen island for them. You need a couple of seconds to recognize them as Mark and Jess from your department.

“You chose the outfit, Mark- um Abe, so you gotta live with that now. Just suck it up like a real man and get drunk with me. I never drank with a president before,” She says and hands him his glass. That’s when she notices you.

“Y/N, hi! Good to see you! Nice costume, are you … I don’t know who you are. Someone from the 60s? A celebrity? Meryl Streep?”

Did she just say 60s? Wait, did she just say Meryl Streep??

“Um, no. I-“

“Jess, why would she be Meryl Streep, she looks nothing like her, look at the hair. There were other actresses besides Meryl in the 60s, by the way. Also, I don’t think Y/N is going for the 60s, I think she is going for first World War,” Abraham Lincoln muses and takes a sip from his cherry bowle.

1910s definitely wasn’t what you envisioned.

“That’s why she is all bloody, because she served in the war and got killed by a grenade splinter in her chest,” He continues and seems very sure of his ability to identify vintage fashion.

“Women didn’t fight back then,” Jess retorts and pushes a strand of red hair out of her face. Even if women had served in the World War, they wouldn’t have worn a dress and heels. Time to solve the mystery.

“I’m a lady from the 40s and I got brutally murdered by my unfaithful husband who didn’t want to pay for a divorce.”

“Makes sense.”

“At least you got the decade right, Abe,” She says and pinches Mark’s side who squinches his eyes at her comment.

“The first World War wasn’t in the 40s, that was the second one. Did you leave your brain at home tonight?”

Geez.

“Y/N, by the way, Steve was asking about you.”

What.

WHAT.

Your eyes grow wide as you stare at Jess.

“He was?”

“Yup. Wanted to know if you’d be here, too, ‘cause he had overheard Ally telling you about Tony’s invitation. I said I didn’t know and that you’ve never been to Tony’s Halloween party before, so who knows if you’d be going.”

Yeah, because you’ve never been invited before but that’s the details. Steve asked about you!! Is this even real?

“I, um, okay? Cool. Well … I’m here. Um … do you know why he asked?” Okay, can your voice sound any more unstable? Try to keep your cool, for god’s sake!

“Nope,” She simply says and eyes you curiously. Poker face! Poker face!! You smile.

“Okay.”

Short silence.

“Wow, Y/N’s got a thing for Cap. That’s cute.”

“Mark!”

“Jess, I’m Abraham Lincoln, please respect your presid-“ A rather violent punch against his shoulder cuts off his sarcastic remark.

At that moment, a small group of people walks in and to the dismay of your previously relatively steady heartbeat you see Steve with them, now being nerve-wreckingly close. The kitchen seems quite crowded now.

Did he dress up as Han Solo? Heart be still!

Before he can catch you staring, you quickly turn back to face the counter and pretend to be occupied with inspecting the cover of the box you brought the brownies in. Oh, click-closure, interesting. But is it purple from both sides…?

From the corner of your eye, you see someone push in right next to you, and you don’t need to look up to know who it is. You’d recognize that cologne anywhere. You dare a glance to your left and realize that Steve has his back to you and is talking to a fantastic-looking blonde in a Super Woman costume.

It’s easy to see that every single woman in this room and a couple of dudes are subtly staring at Captain America and you can’t blame them.

He doesn’t notice you and you think you’d get away when, on the other side of the room, two of your co-workers in sexy Harry Potter costumes (Hufflepuff and Slytherin) come up to the kitchen island. Hufflepuff sees you, claps her hands and laughs, getting everyone’s attention.

“I didn’t think you would come!”

Slytherin whistles approvingly at your costume and excessive make-up just as Steve turns from having his back to you to looking at you. His expression is kind of friendly when he turns, surely because he’s having an inspiring discussion with Wonder Woman, though he also looks curious to see who Hufflepuff is yelling at, or at least that’s how it seems to you. The minute his eyes meet yours, he freezes and stares.

“Look at you!” Slytherin calls out and grabs an empty glass to fill it with bowle, “That dress is beautiful, so retro, I love it. 50s? You should come to work looking like that, no wait, we should all come to work looking like that. Every Wednesday. We’ll make it our Mean Girls-inspired theme day. Minus the fake blood of course.”

You want to run. You don’t want everyone looking at you.

“You have no idea how long I have waited to hear those words,” Hufflepuff comments and goes for her own glass, “I’m a sucker for everything vintage. It’s so cute.”

“I’m actually a lady from the 40s, whose, um, whose husband cheated on her and now doesn’t want to pay for a divorce, so he, uh, killed me,” You explain, now not so sure about your costume idea anymore. You also try to avoid Steve’s beautiful eyes which are so painfully close and they are looking at you! One might think you never had a boyfriend before, it’s pathetic.

“Ooh, drama! I like that,” A guy who you don’t know says, “Trouble in paradise?”

Trouble in paradise? Does he think you had beef with your *non-existent* boyfriend and now you went for Murdered Wife? That’s something Roxie would do, no doubt.

“No, just liked the idea.”

The general attention in the room moves away from you and the little groups get back to their own conversations.

You chance a look at Steve out of the corner of your eye and see he’s still staring at you, no longer frozen. There is activity behind his eyes, lots of it. Just nothing you can understand. You stop trying to look at Steve without looking like you are looking at Steve and take a step forward.

“Can you pour one for me, too?” You ask Hufflepuff and she does as you ask. Steve’s gaze burns into the backside of your head. Why isn’t he saying anything? He never seemed shy around you.

The music in the living room changes into a different song and a Pink Power Ranger shrieks and pushes against the pirate next to her.

“Let’s go dance! Please!”

“No, let’s just stay here for a while.”

She sighs and looks annoyed, as far as her body language tells you because the mask covers her face completely. All of a sudden, you feel a heat at your back, like someone came up behind you and you think you know who it is. For the sake of your reputation – ‘cause you’d definitely ruin that if you turned around now and stuttered like a horse – you keep your back to him and hold on to the surface in front of you.

“We’ve been standing around all night. I need to move!”

The pirate doesn’t answer and demonstratively takes a sip from his cup. You do the same and listen to the music blasting through the apartment (Steve has moved to stand next to you now), all while ignoring the tension between the two of you in the air.

The music goes into the chorus and the bass booms.

“Not to be dramatic, but I am going to die if we don’t do something … like now.”

“Sarah, if you want to go dance, go.”

Seriously. You start to grin at her childlike crossing of the arms.

“Y/N.”

The blood in your veins freezes at his voice, so close, so him, captivating you instantly although you try not to let it show. You turn your head, still smiling, and look at him. You barely smile around him, let alone at him, because you are usually too nervous but he took you off-guard this time. Then you realize where you are, only a few inches away from Steve fuckin’ Rogers, and your smile dies on your face.

He is still staring at you, but now he is staring at your mouth.

You feel your knees get a bit weak.

The tension gets unbearable, so all you have in mind is ESCAPE. You turn away and attempt to walk around the kitchen island when Steve grabs your wrist.

“Hang on, Y/N,” He says.

He pulls you back gently and you involuntarily get close again, head tilted up to meet his eyes but immediately regretting it because how are you going to get out of this situation now?

“Hm?”

“I like your outfit. Been a while since I saw someone dressed like that.”

Roxie would high-five you now if she was here.

“Thanks.”

“I was actually … hoping to see you here, I-“

“Oh my god, who made these brownies?!” Someone cries out next to you and both of you turn your heads to the side. Albert Einstein stands at the counter, eyes huge, one of your brownies in his hand and his mouth is chewing wildly.

“Me,” You inform him and hesitantly raise your hand.

“These are unbe-fucking-lievable. I’m in love. Everyone please leave me alone now, I need some me-time.”

You smile at him, what a nice thing to say, especially from a physicist that legendary.

You look back at Steve and realize he is watching you again, this time a small smile plays around his lips. Seeing a Private Steve Smile up-close creates a tingling flutter in your belly and kind of detaches you from reality for a second. Where are you again?

“Y/N, what did you put into th-“

“Okay, that’s it,” Steve declares, interrupting Hufflepuff, lays one arm around your waist and starts to move, so you have no other option than to follow him. “I can’t even have one solid conversation with you without anyone interrupting.”

You don’t say anything because you’re way too overwhelmed by the sudden physical contact. He has never really touched you before, aside from shaking your hand or platonically laying a hand on your shoulder, and now you don’t really know how to react. The wild beating of your heart doesn’t help the matter.

He guides you out of the kitchen and you find yourself standing in the loud living room. Pink Power Ranger is dancing like there’s no tomorrow and if this wasn’t such an important moment, you would laugh. Are you being dramatic or just needy?

“I mean, I’m sure the brownies are great, but … well,” He says, arm still around your waist, blue eyes looking down at you, his smell has long catapulted you into a Steve-induced trance, “What I was saying is, I’m glad you’re here because- actually I was trying to approach you at the Tower this week but you’ve been busy and I didn’t want to interrupt, and … well, I was wondering if you want to go out-“

“Han Solo and Lady 40s, arm in arm in my living room! Never thought I would see that happening,” Aladdin booms a few steps away from you. Is this night even for real? Since when have you been so popular??

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Steve bursts out, grabs your hand and drags you past Aladdin into a hallway. You shoot the host an apologetic look but don’t bother stopping the grin on your face. This is kinda funny, not gonna lie.

The hallway is empty and there seem to be no other horny guests so far. As soon as he knows the air is clear, he turns around to you and moves way into your Personal Space (like always, it seems), his beautiful blue eyes locking on yours.

“What I was trying to say is-“

“Hey, Steve my man-“

“You better piss off now, Carl, or I can’t guarantee for anything anymore!” Steve growls at Carl, who just appeared behind him, without even looking over his shoulder.

At this moment he sounds so threatening that you can’t help but wince a little, your eyes grow huge as you watch Carl do a 180 and walk into the direction he came from. Your gaze flickers back to the man in front of you and it’s obvious he is trying not to lose his temper – a trait you never thought he had in him, losing his temper, you mean.

A small muscle in his jaw twitches and his eyes look unusually dark while they stare at the corner of your mouth, so you try a smile. At that, his face changes and he looks up into yours.

“You wanted to ask me something?”

Phew, who would have thought you would be that fucking courageous. Roxie won’t believe this.

“Yes.”

He gets even closer, so you retreat until your back hits the wall, and he puts his big hands against the surface next to your shoulders. Caging you. It’s just that it doesn’t feel like it. He could show you a way out and you would still stand glued to this spot.

“Before anyone gets in the way again, I’m gonna make this short. Do you want to go out on a date with me?”

****

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melypeira · 5 years

Photo

“Cold Zone Lovers”

An illustrated fanfic by lilacmel

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Summary:

"Friends will take your silence and your hurts, Sharing and trading passions and joys, Even naughty pranks and flirts, But careful of green eyed beasts it annoys. Specially when dealing with oblivious blondies."

An illustrated fanfic, for an idea I had in my mind for a while. End game was disappointing and not enough gay, so this is my contribution for pride month ;3

Fic also on AO3 (easier to read, but I needed an place to image host).

archiveofourown.org/works/19376977/

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“This human called Jim is a simpleton.” Says one.

“You just don’t appreciate his effort trying to win over a lady.” Speaks two.

“Surely, that woman is arrogant and vain.” Replies back the haughty one.

“Like you, you mean.” Sassed in return the mellow other.

A serious man walks quietly thinking to himself, while searching for someone. Said man has a strong silhouette, one so popular in North America that couldn’t possibly be unrecognizable. Well, except maybe with a hat and glasses. Our dear Captain America, with dark blond hair and the shapes Kim Kardashian would be jealous of, according to Tony/IronMan, AKA also known as Steve Rogers, could not believe what he was hearing, much less seeing. Walking over to the ‘Big ol’ Popcorn Mess Hall’, name courtesy of the host, he saw the most unimaginable view he could possibly think of in his long but short years of life.

Two branded criminals, the notorious Winter Soldier, Hydra’s soldier with a mechanical arm - very sought after by certain woodland creatures - and notorious frost giant, norse god of mischief and all around “pain-in-the-ass” for the avengers. Together, in a sofa, eating popcorn, sat Bucky and Loki, talking and watching – the shock- a comedy movie. Stunned still by this in the hallway, our American hero retires, forgetting entirely what he wanted with his traumatized friend.

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“Thor, we need to take action, I don’t mind Loki returning anymore, but I don't care where they're from, I don't enjoy bullies” Steve Rogers declares out loud. His mighty friend is sometimes an excellent judge and leader, but he can be overprotective, thinks the golden haired norse god. Master of lightning, ale and, now, of a slightly round belly - blame the later - Thor Odinson doesn’t see the point the captain is making against his brother’s associations. He is generally is just glad to have gotten Loki back, with all his little mischievous acts and fake-deaths, after all.

“Loki is free to do what he wants, meaning all things which will not hurt the midgardians or the sanity of the avengers, such is the trust my brother and I have made” claims the Asgardian king, stroking his fashionable braided beard while whetting his axe. Maybe the other blonde should spend his time caring for the borrowed Mjölnir instead of spying on his frost friend, muses Thor.

“You don’t understand, Loki manipulates minds, with or without the stones. Bucky has been far too much brainwashed by those blasted octopus loving bastards” May those days never come again for his dear friend; the young aged soul contemplates. He doesn’t want the other going back to such harsh settings as freezing, to heal in Wakanda, away from him.

“My brother has a powerful silver-tongue, indeed, but comrade Bucky is a fierce warrior, he can fend for himself in such matters”. Thor says while putting his axe in its weapon stand, leaving his comfy armchair.

“Then let’s prove that conviction. Come with me”. Rogers declares, turning and opening the door. He finds Tony outside, who clearly had listened in through his cameras and came to “gossip the juicy bits, Steve”. Both the Son of Odin and the soldier ignore him. “I don’t see why the worries, I am kinda shipping this WinterFrost happening in my sofa” they can still hear nearing the end of the hallway near the elevator.

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“Hell, they are on the sequel today!” “How would you…nevermind, must be that little leatherless book of yours” Both blondes whisper to each other in the hallway, not very hidden as they think they are. Thor knew what Steve was saying, but watching was another thing altogether. It hit him hard how much he missed his comraderies with his brother, laughing and being “bitchy” as he heard Hawkeye saying. Seeing happening with the arm-armored brunette was jealousy-inducing.

Worse times were still to come, because this friendship became evident to other avengers, even the Wakandan people heard about it. The only ones not amused by the situation were still America's Golden Boy and now the Thunder God.

The interactions were everywhere, joking and pranks and even once in a while you could see Falcon/Sam joining with beers on the TV and Wanda sharing some wine and conversations on the bar with the two. That was only the eye of the storm, trouble was arriving at the horizon.

Then, flirting began. It was inevitable, Bucky has always been charming, Steve somewhat suspected gender didn’t matter to his friend - likewise for him - but why Loki of all of them was a mistery, even Wanda made more sense, seeing his usual type in the day. Thor meanwhile knew his brother enjoyed both the attention and the actual chasing game, often seducing and changing appearances for the sake of ‘a bit of fun’. He wondered what exactly in the scenario was bothering him, was it he missed his friends? Maybe Jane? The Snake-like sibling’s full attention. Or was it vanity, the feeling of being undesirable as he now is, missing his toned body looking at the brunette soldier.

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“Bucky, I know nobody is perfect, but the ‘safest hands are still our own’. So why are you playing right into Loki’s hands?" Calmly Rogers says, thought noticing his little slip, maybe Bucky didn’t even notice.

“Whadya mean pal? I wasn’t aware I was playing into something Steve, except maybe my games with Birdie Man” Bucky replies, somewhat confused but amused by his friend.

"I’m glad you’re back at the headquarters, and as much as I don’t like the idea of you isolating from others because of the past, I don’t think that bonding with Loki will help you at all. We all need family, I get it, but the Avengers could be yours, maybe more so than mine. They won’t judge you for your past” More fiercely, Steve declares.

“Wait a minute, hell Steve! Are you actually coming to me after all this mess, with we haven’t talked much about by the way, we are busy, I get it, to ‘order’ my friendships?? ‘Cause I might be unstable and lonely?” Finally understanding and somewhat angry, Bucky replies with a slightly raised voice.

“I never said that, but it’s for your own good. Loki is Thor’s brother but also a horrible being; in his mind we are all ‘dumb magic-less midgardians’ for him to play with” Harshly states the America Man.

“Are you sure? Have you asked or interacted with him? Besides the past? I was horrible to Tony’s parents too, wasn’t I?” Bucky unveils. “It’s different!!!” Struck back God's Righteous Man “Is it?”. With a somber look reminding of his Ghost days, whispers deadly the Winter Wolf, ready to pounce for flesh.

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Meanwhile, in a similar situation is the light blonde bearded god, with his frost sibling, on the rarely used garden.

“Mother would be disappointed in such an orchard” articulates the dark haired one, seeing his approaching sibling.

“Indeed” Concurs the peace invader. Silence reigns for a short while, the kind that is rare in this turbulent world. Still, even stillness needs to be broken eventually.

“Brother…I don’t know what scheme you…” “I don’t know what you are talking about Thor” “…but you need to stop it.” Urges strongly the slightly older one.

“May I remind you I am not a mind reader, much less know your mental monologue” Spats the younger adopted sibling.

“This obsession with the midgardian frozen warrior, I have seen it before. With Jane and many others” Claims the Asgard Golden child. “Obsession? Please! Why so worried, do you fancy him? Should I go tell Jane?” Scoffs the slick haired one.

“I don’t, but you are playing with him” The raging thunder is burning inside Thor’s veins now, with the theatrical antics of his fraternal old playmate. “I honestly thought it was quite mutual. Shame, woe is me. Tell me…do you enjoy spying on us Thor? Stealthy, you certainly are not.” The obsidian hair male talked as if in a play, long periods and sudden words, ending in a short haughty statement.

Giving no time for replies, he ignores the other’s angry sputtering and continues “Am I not allowed to have friends? Acquaintances? Relationships? You came here to stay with yours, to fight your silly battles with them, instead of staying with our kin-” Thor is momentarily happy to hear that part, but quickly gets angry again ”- and ruling, as you were supposed to be, as I am meant to be with you! Even leaving the invisible throne for Valkyrie to sit!!”

“I saw you smiling and I know…!” the axe-wielder loses his conviction midway, enough for Loki to take possession again of the discussion. The curly braided male should have known that in a battle of the tongues, the serpent hisses fast and non-stop. ‘Silence is golden’ indeed, ironically.

“OH, only mighty Thor can be happy! With his little annoying friends! OH NO, not his brother, that one should stay miserable and, in the shadows and shackles, were he belongs" Loki pacing around the room, with a flourish in his limbs, mocking and hissing. “‘Brother everything's gonna work out fine in Earth’ ’Brother, we will fight side by side forever’ indeed, how fickle you are” Loki rants, each time louder with more articulation and acerbic words.

“ENOUGH! It’s because I wish it was with me!!!” Already regretting what came out his mouth, Thor closes it suddenly and contains his mortification.

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Muahahaha cliffhanger.

If you enjoyed please give a like here or there or share this around. I may keep doing this depending on feedback.

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