#but I have spent so much time absorbing stuff in the fandom that like

[mercuryhomophony]

📓

rn I have extreme brainrot hyperfixation on FNAF SB and specifically the daycare attendant but I also like "five animatronics and a recovered security guard (and a ghost???) try to raise the sassiest fucking child and solve the mystery of why fazbear entertainment sucks so bad and where all the children went

I lovingly think of this as my "Technician Gregory AU," where after the events of the save Vanessa ending, they let things cool down for a bit while Fazbear entertainment shoves some stuff under the rug and gets things back together, then they go back, return Freddy's head, and start debugging the animatronics. the au picks up a few years later, Gregory has actually joined the "internship program" which is basically an excuse to get good at helping the animatronics actually keep kids safe, keep them debugged, and keep trying to figure out what happened to the kids.

fun plot points include:

Animatronic business meetings

Gregory being sassy about things other kids do and animatronic repairs

Gregory getting increasingly exasperated with fazbear entertaiment

all the animatronics becoming better friends with Gregory

DCA angst >:3c

Michael is the source of Freddy's Boogie Bug (saw someone with the headcanon that he loves those musical spiders and I love it)

Sun has Always Been Bugged, it's bug just showed up differently in a beneficial but fucking terrifying way (he sees dead people)

Monty tries to say fuck (is helped by some teens)

Moon and Monty become friends after a fistfight

Roxy does Michael's makeup

"Could this character have survived? Fuck it I'ma make him survive"

Chica gets taste buds and becomes depressed over not liking trash anymore, only to become a foodie

Everyone gets to kick molten freddy's ass

everyone gets to kick William Afton's ass

Everyone gets to kick Mimic's ass

All the children go free

Horrific animatronic imagery

I'd love to fuckign write it but I would fall so hard into it and I have so many WIPS I wanna actually finish and I just Cannot Rn. But I love playing jpgs in my head wit hthe AU

[fordarkisthesuede]

Heyyy…so, about where I’ve beeeeen… 

I considered doing a silly little poll to have you guess, but... Oh, what the hey! Let's do it!!!

Anyway -

While a lotta y’all had "Brat Summer", I had "Slowly-Being-Consumed-By-Moss" Summer.

And GA summers are real fuckin’ long.

Every year I seem to go through a phase where I decide I’ve had enough of endlessly scrolling through tumblr and feeling bad about not getting things done. Sometimes this is combined with the incredible gloom of coming onto the only social media I partake in and finding nothing but tragic news. Only this time it combined with the very-dreaded Election Season Panic (US version). (Please hold in your derisive laughter.)

Pictured above:  a representation of me, circa…like, April 2024.

I should note the things that I tend to over-use tumblr to avoid aren’t things that have “real” deadlines, but I feel more and more guilty when I don’t do them, or else carve out time to do them. These are usually “replying to messages” and “writing my epic fanfic”, but can even branch out to “making stable diary entries” and the like.

My fellow writers - at least some of you - know what I mean. We clean our living spaces or sort things or bake to avoid writing, because for some reason when we look at the proverbial page our brain nopes out. Sometimes it’s because of the fear we’re not writing well enough for our stuff to actually be liked. Sometimes it’s because we’re veeery stuck with where we’re at and looking at the stupid spot we’re stuck at for the millionth time is exhausting. Sometimes it’s cuz we’re plum outta ideas ‘cause the stars haven’t aligned.

But this past summer was…particularly bad in the writer’s block area. So much so that another fic I was writing from back in February to combat writer’s block with BtTTS: S5 was even getting big ol’ roadblocks! Which is really dumb. It’s mindless self-insert fun for a fandom I’ll probably never write for publicly, yet I’m struggling? WTF.

So most of the summer, I experienced Lethargy. No melancholy, no anger or serious anxiety, no hopelessness or real lack of sleep or feeling over-tired. So not depression, I don’t think, but no real enthusiasm or energy for creative stuff, nor video games for some reason. I went to work, read the news, worked my way through most of a One Piece rewatch, caught up on some manga, and went through a list of movies I had been meaning to see. (Man, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf was wild. You guys see that? De-licious drama. Incredible. I’ll def see it again in like 5 or 10 years.)

I thought about coming back to do a Book of Bill post. I pre-ordered it ages ago. It arrived, I read through it over the span of a few days, I spent time working out most of the puzzles… But I just couldn’t bring up the enthusiasm to do anything for it. It was fun ‘n’ all, but it’s not like a lot of the stuff in there is revolutionary or anything. Besides, by the time I got around to reading the book I already knew all the puzzles were solved and posted online by like day 2 of release or something, because the GF fandom is feral when it comes to puzzles. The Blacklight book was special because of its limited run, and I felt the need to share it so everyone could see. The Bill book you can find in any B&N or e-book store. The thought of typing up anything on it just felt like work.

And THEN…come late July… 

Like ol’ blue eyes lyrics, something came shakin’.

It was like the rubber-band that somehow wound around my brain SNAPPED and went

It wasn't exactly a surprise, yet it was. I've been waiting for like, a decade now. And I finally had means, motive, and opportunity,

It took every single one of my weekends from August to mid-September to find and settle on a place. And then it was every single weekend from then to mid-October to find and store furniture and start packing, all while juggling the UTTER NIGHTMARE that is the mortgage closing process.

Oh, and that hurricane. That certainly didn’t help any. (I'm fine.)

Anywho, that’s why I’ve been hermiting it up. Just been trying to clear my head and get a sense of independence - while I still can -while crafting my own little Ha-Hacienda. And even in light of recent…world-changing events…I’m clinging to my projects with my sharp, sharp nails and my primitive canines, because while the world is clearly always awful I’ve got to enjoy some small slices of life on this absolute bitch of an Earth. Hope I didn’t scare any of ya with my absence. ❤️

P.S. If anyone wants to fill me in on what tumblr-centric and Batman-universe things I missed this past 6 months, the askbox and replies are open. Wrong answers, vague answers, and hieroglyphics accepted, as long as you cite your sources.

[hypaalicious]

My internet was out for a week & this is my survival story.

No deadass I was kinda struggling 😭

But at the same time, I learned a lot about how social media is absolutely affecting my brain chemistry and it’s enlightening.

I’ve often had to take breaks from certain platforms whenever I find myself overwhelmed. But I always had an escape to like, other media.

When I ghosted FB for years, I took solace in Tumblr.

When I got burned out on fandom stuff on Tumblr, I ditched it for Twitter.

Whenever Twitter gets to be too annoying, I just scroll on Reddit.

But this was the first time in many moons that I had absolutely NO access to any of my vices. 🥲 Worst part was not having access to my besties on Discord, I felt so isolated and restless and bored. I depend on Twitter as like, my news station as well so there was a lot of FOMO on my shoulders. I was just sitting in the house like

I’m an asocial introvert but being absolutely cut off from the world at the safe distance I already kept it was brutal.

But, I went back to reading. I absolutely tore through Jacqueline Carey’s newest release in a day. I picked up an Astrology book I’ve had forever and read through that. I spent my time doing more chores or just… not having constant stimulus. I was still anxious because I couldn’t talk to my besties and also work on my VN stopped cause the team was waiting on ME to catch up 😩 But…

I’m calmer, overall. I feel less polarized and combative mentally. I have a lot to catch up on but it’s not as overwhelming in my head as it usually is. I feel like despite all my attempts at trying to get to a deeper understanding of astrology by following knowledgeable astrologers, I got more of a breakthrough NOT being pelted by a thousand astro opinions a day. Reading Carey’s book absolutely reignited my love for Terre d’Ange and adult writing in general; she has such a mastery over words I’ve only been able to grasp like ONCE in my life. I was all up in Joscelin’s story like

You really don’t notice how much you’re not being challenged in your reading until someone with her skill runs you over and you thank her for the privilege, LMAO!

I’m scrolling on Twitter now and feel detached from it in a way that’s good, I think. Being constantly informed is a double edged sword and I’m TRULY understanding how just… very reactionary social media is even when you follow people/topics that mean well. It literally cannot be healthy to absorb the knee-jerk takes and think pieces people make all the time, even if it shows me a perspective on issues I hadn’t considered.

It’s sad that my eternal fight with Cox internet forced me to take a sabbatical but I’m thankful for it. I need to be more disciplined and make my own planned absences from social media because I feel better not being constantly plugged in and doom scrolling. Idk how I’m gonna wrestle my ADHD to comply but ima figure it out, lol.

I guess this ramble is a reminder to take breaks from this hellsite and any other form of social media. It seems like nbd when you’re jumping from a YouTube video to IG to Tiktok all in the span of maybe 20 minutes and have been doing that for years. You don’t notice when you’re being overly influenced. You think cause you’ve curated your feed very well that you’re not stressed, especially when there’s extreme examples of unwell people on display to reassure you that you’re doing just fine by comparison.

Bestie, no you’re not. 😭 You’re drowning in stimulus and giving yourself no time to sit in stillness and find YOURSELF outside of all of the noise. Detox from all that and see how far you’ve REALLY come.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Gender-Locking

Apparently, the vocal minority of neckbeard assholes in the gaming community is grumping over Star Wars: Outlaws. Sure, some of it is "it looks bland", and a lot of it is because of Denuvo, but ... that's the normal people. The neckbeard assholes are giving us the following:

"I don't want to be stuck playing a woman; I should be able to decide!"

Now. Does that sound familiar to anyone else?

I remember when every time a new game came out, and someone so much as asked if there was a character creation menu, these jackasses came out of the woodwork yelling, "If you want that, go play Sims and stop pretending to be a REAL GAMER!!!" I remember ten years ago when they rebooted Tomb Raider, and the fucking devs were talking about, "Well, it's a hard sell to get people to play a female character, so we dealt with it as the players aren't identifying with her, but trying to protect her from all the awful things that will happen to her in this game". Most of all, I remember every single Yagwood (YAGWD - Yet Another Grizzled White Dude) game that has come out since games stopped being about, like, Pac-Man.

I also remember my first experience with Mass Effect. I was a latecomer to Mass Effect, for some very relevant reasons. Y'see, I got into Dragon Age around about when Origins first came out, and I got interested in seeing what other games might be out there for me. I did look at Mass Effect, but at that point, I had no idea that you could customise your Shepard. Because I was very hesitant to get into the fandom space (I had some ... unfortunate issues in a previous fandom space, y'see), all I saw was the marketing stuff, and the marketing stuff all said Sheploo, so I just ... took one look at the box art and went, "...Nah." And when I did get into the Dragon Age fandom, and I saw and read all the stuff about Mass Effect because of the Bioware-Overlap thing, I went, "Wait, you can have a woman Shepard?!?" and basically pounced on the thing.

It just pisses me off that these neckbeard assholes are sitting there going, "Ugh; I don't want to play as a guuuuuuuuuurl! Why can't I play what gender I want?!?" when they've spent literal decades yelling at everyone else for ... wanting to play what gender they want? Hell, it was only last fucking year that they were yelling about TEH PRONOUNZ OMG or whatever, and now? Pfft.

Though I will say one thing - I'm glad of their narcissism, in a way. They've skipped straight to, "It's not catering to me so I won't buy it" - partly because they're so self-absorbed that they think that their few quid will DESTROY THE COMPANY FOR THEIR WOKENESS or whatever the fuck ... but I think also partly because they know they're going to have to face the rest of us meeting their, "Why can't I play as my own gender?!?" with the same shit we've been getting from them for decades now. They've been getting a whole lot of their own medicine lately. I guess they don't like the taste.

Then again, they're in the Black Wukong space right now anyway, crowing about how the developers refused to use Sweet Baby Inc and such. I swear, these guys need to do way more than touch grass.

[thirdmagic]

ah, yes... i dont know if it is people we share on our following list and I am not even sure if i was mutuals with them or if they unfollowed at some point before this but there were a few people, from fate fandom, people that i at least have been following for years and years, who put some stuff on my dash on the day of october 7th that. well. i jumped ship pretty much instantly because it sure was something to see after being woken by sirens and spending most of my day running between my apartment door and the bomb shelter and then seeing what was happening on the news. but yeah i havent seen a lot of it, like two-three people but i also know just enough of tumblr fate fandom to know how insular it is that i can pretty much extrapolate what must be going on in other blogs and what you must have seen. so i clearly ran away right on time lol

i don't even know if they've even forgotten some of these parts so much as they never learned about them or never knew. or maybe they haven't forgotten but need their specific easy narrative and to project their own familiar political issues on it so badly that they willingly remain ignorant. i also think there's just such an issue where the only antisemitism that registers as such in many people's minds really is just the shoah and the idea of a jew as a tragic victim of the shoah is the only one they can work with, so they just compartmentalize that from any kind of currently living, breathing, existing jewish person who is not so easily perfect-victim-ized.

but honestly, i think none of us here realized how bad it was too. i had a feeling something like this would happen one day eventually inevitably but it seemed to me like the next moment of devastation had to be way more far off and also that people would obviously do at least the bare minimum of caring and acknowledging that it's bad that it happened and to at least be a little compassionate because that's normal to expect, right. again, not a high bar, surely, right. and well. you know how that worked out.

and to you both: thank you for your kind words and your compassion and understanding. i am pretty much as safe as i can be, there has been rockets and attacks in the areas around where i live and smaller individual instances within it but nowhere near the scale of what's been going on elsewhere. emotionally i've had a few very rough days and very, very low points this past week, i won't lie, especially since i've spent the first week just kinda absorbed in following the news, but i'm doing much better than i used to and figuring out ways to deal with it and to cope, i've had a lot of people willing to listen and talk to, and i managed to find community in several different places to bond around this and work through it together

and you know for all the awfulness and all the ways people have been horrible about it online and elsewhere there's also been a lot of goodness, many, many people reached out to me personally in support, and i treasure and appreciate every single bit and every single effort you can make. and honestly it's especially valuable coming from gentiles and in general everyone who isnt affected or involved, i understand the risk it carries for you all to go against the grain and how much easier it would be to just go long with the narrative that refuses to listen and understand. so again, thank you. this stuff kinda helps me get through the day, even if it's just thoughts, words, or reblogs, it is still valuable to me and others.

[maester-of-spreadsheets]

someone give that yuletide fic a reflection post!

I've never really done one of these Yuletide reflection posts before, but this year I have SO MUCH TO SAY OMG that I'm making one of these to get it out of my system.

So I wrote this fic with Subwoolfer fans basically trying to bend time and space to win Eurovision. Because whomst among us has not wanted to do that for a Eurovision fave at some point? (Eurovision juries turn on your location I just want to chat about the scores you gave Keiino) Except longterm subcubs are also space wolves (probably?) so they don't quite get it right.

I will ramble about the music aspects about this fic, but I also do want to talk about the writing parts! Basically I'm actually... a relative newcomer to Eurovision. I'm an American who started tuning in in 2018, but I really got on board last year when 2021 was so freaking fun and culminated in one of my actual faves that year winning! This somehow translated in me keeping up with the 2022 contest from early on... I think I started following along when Lithuania's song was announced and never quite let up. There's a lot of downtime in between Eurovision events, though, so I also became obsessed with Eurovision data vids. The ones like "biggest flop between semifinals and the final" or "songs with biggest differences between jury and public vote" (again, justice for Keiino.) This had me backtracking into Eurovision history a LOT over the spring and retroactively falling in love with a lot of different songs/moments.

Then, of course, 2022 Eurovision itself also had a lot of meme worth moments. Like the broken kinetic sun fiasco absolutely killed me. But there's a whole Eurovision 2022 iceberg meme that nailed the chaotic vibes of that contest in general.

So basically the writing of the fic was an attempt at a loving/joking synthesis of my times in music related fandoms in general, but also everything I'd absorbed in Eurovision fandom in particular. (And yes the author note about needing a VPN was a joke about how I have to use one to watch any of the performances on youtube.)

As for the music aspects of the fic... So, I've wanted to get into music editing/remixing/production etc for years now but kept getting cold feet about it. Eurovision this year was actually the thing that pushed me to finally go ahead and just do it. And I'm so glad it did! It also meant it felt appropriate to actually work on some music for this assignment.

I mostly only have things to say about the two full remixes.

First the bardcore cover. So, this one most involved just finding piano sheet music and then painstakingly programming the notes into midi files on my DAW. I quickly found out that just recreating those exact notes wasn't going to cut it, though. First the chorus... In the vocals, it's pretty much just a repetition of the same note over and over. That's fine in the original song because the point of the chorus is the intense beat drop. You don't really have that going for you in bardcore, though, so I spent a lot of time yeeting the vocal notes around... across octaves, across different stringed instruments, etc. I also put in a lot of movement in the instruments functioning as the bassline to create more interest.

Although, regarding the beat drop... I also spent an embarassing amount of time trying to reverse engineer what was going on with the drum beats in the song and reflect hem in the drums I had in this. There definitely came a point one night where I was giggling to myself over looping the second chorus over and over and over to try and figure out whether the drumming was different from the first chorus and if so how? and how do I reflect that?

And of course the final chorus does stuff with instruments that's really... not bardcore at all. The string instruments there sound more like orchestras from centuries and centuries later.

But, hey, these remixes were made by space wolves. They can't get everything right!

The lofi beats mix was almost the opposite experience. Instead of meticulously recreating the song, here I was basically... scrapping it (and several others) for parts and seeing how many times I could use the same small melody in different ways. This was because all of Subwoolfer's songs get incredibly bombastic early on and never let up. I'm not yet skilled enough at getting stems to, say, pull out of just a synth from one of the loud parts and slow it down. Limitations can be fun, though, and I definitely had a great time exploring these snippets of the songs from different angles.

It did make me a bit sad I really couldn't find a way to incorporate Grace Kelly or especially Turin. I say especially Turin because of the line "we're here to win that Eurovision/but with a broken kinetic sun it might tough." But then I was able to use audioclips from those in the mix, so that was something, haha!

Probably the most bonkers thing I did was isolate audio of Subwoolfer dropping those plastic balls with questions in them, and then using them as audio texturing for the lofi remix haha.

Okay, that's probably enough rambling from me! So, yes, tl;dr I got a fantastic assignment this year and had a lot of fun working on it.

[lactosefreevanillayoghurt]

It's weird being in a fandom, because it starts off with you watching the source material and being like oh cool nice woo had a great time and then suddenly two months later you know every bit of information there is to know and you spend an entire day watching a crappy film just because one singular actor from your fandom is in it.

[fortruthseekers]

REFRESHER ON MY INSIDER SOURCES: BTW, this is Purv aka @p-redux. This is my original Tumblr blog I’ve revived to archive past source info.

In 2014, I first posted my insider source info. I didn’t have a Tumblr blog, so I posted everything on my old Twitter account, all the details the sources gave me then. The fandom, especially shippers, went into an uproar because my source info sunk the ship. The SamCait ship had barely started sailing and I sunk it before it had made it out into open sea. Shippers have never forgiven me for that. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. 

Throughout the years, I’ve reiterated my source info, but summarized it because most people had already heard it, and I didn’t see a need to keep rehashing it. The more time past, the more it became clear Sam and Cait weren’t a couple, and that the info I had shared with the fandom AHEAD of time was true. Cait was seen with Tony a lot. And Sam was seen with different girlfriends or dates. But since I’m turning this account @fortruthseekers into an archive account, I’m going to post the original source DETAILS again, for newbies. This post is going to be LONG, very long, because I go into detail. Read it if you need a refresher on what I said previously about sources, or if you’ve never read the source details before. Click on Keep Reading to find the rest.

Okay, so about sources. REAL sources. I live in Los Angeles and used to be in the industry many years ago. As a result, I still know people in the industry. And just by living in L.A., you meet people who know celebs. In 2014, I got who I call “my original industry source” through a friend who knew I was watching Outlander. And she thought it would be cool for me to talk to this industry person who had Outlander connections. My friend put me in touch with her so we could talk about our common interest. Initially, me talking to the source was just to schmooze about insider info, I wasn’t planning to make it public or create a celebrity insider info account. But I was surprised about how much she knew. At the time many people, including myself, thought Sam and Cait were most likely a couple, when the source told me she knew for sure they weren’t, I was floored. Then after she told me all the details of her interactions with Sam, Cait, and some of the Outlander cast, and the fact that she was friends with one of Cait’s besties, I knew I’d hit a huge source of info. 

At first, the source didn’t want me to make the info public, she didn’t want to get in trouble, but she thought it was important that people knew the truth about whether or not Sam and Cait were a couple. She figured if they knew, then people wouldn’t get their hopes up and be disappointed when Sam and Cait became more famous, and would inevitably be seen with other people. As I said, that original industry source is good friends with one of Cait’s female best friends. And because she’s in the industry, she also had a connection to Sam through his talent agency. So, she had insider info on BOTH Cait and Sam. Jackpot.

Because I knew her full identity and knew I was talking to the real person on her real and blue check verified Twitter account, and my friend had introduced me to her, I could trust that her info was legit. She is also Instagram blue check verified and has made a name for herself in the industry. People would be shocked if they knew who she was. SHE is the one who told me 100% Sam and Cait were not dating and that 100% Sam is not gay.  At first, she didn’t want me to post things publicly, but I begged and she finally relented, as long I would swear I would keep her identity private and would leave out some identifying details. 

So, in 2014, I went public with all the details she told me. And through the years, EVERYTHING she told me turned out to be true. I didn’t have a Tumblr blog at the time, so all my source info was posted on my old Twitter account. I posted every detail of what she told me and I also posted some of her DMs with permission, and name blacked out. Unfortunately, all that is gone because I deleted my old Twitter account a long time ago. 

The main points were: Sam and Cait weren’t a couple and never have been. When I said to her that I knew actors were different than regular people, but that when I saw Sam and Cait talking about watching the wedding scene together, while drinking a bottle of wine, that there was no way they didn’t hook up at some point. She said she’s been around a lot of actors and said Sam and Cait are both natural flirts and very touchy-feely people, and she didn’t see anything out of of the ordinary in their interactions–she reminded me their behavior is the norm when promoting a show. 

She also said Sam isn’t gay per people she’s talked to who know him. She knew the director of Batman Live, the live show Sam starred in years ago. The director was a gay man, and when she asked him if Sam was gay, since he seemed too good to be true and was so good-looking, he said no. And he said he and other crew who were hoping Sam was gay were disappointed that he was straight. The director told her that the reason Sam didn’t seem to have much of a dating history, was because he had always been focused on his career and on working out. And that because he was traveling with the show, there wasn’t time for a committed relationship. Later, we found out that Sam had indeed been dating a woman named Katie Rebekah, but they broke up because she moved from London to Australia, and Sam started to tour with Batman Live. That’s the info I got in 2014. If Sam was gay, the gay director would have told my source and squeed about it.

This source used to work between New York and Los Angeles. She was in New York for one of her TV shows during the July 2014 premiere of Outlander and hung out with Cait and Cait’s bestie, as well as some of the other OL cast and crew. She also had some business meetings with Sam in NY. She confirmed Sam brought Amy Shiels as his “plus one” to the premiere and even skipped out on an unplanned event the cast was invited to because he “had a date.” When they saw him the next day and asked him how his date went, source said Sam replied “It was great!” Even though this source got info from Cait’s bestie…the bestie kept quiet about Cait and Tony, and simply said that Cait and Sam weren’t a couple….I found out about Tony from someone else...more on that later. 

This source did share some info about what Cait thought about Sam. She said that Cait cared about Sam as a costar and friend, and they got along very well.  But Cait said Sam was not her type, that Cait didn’t date actors, and that Cait referred to Sam as “a bro,” and that Cait was not into guys who spent so much time in the gym. She said Cait genuinely liked Sam as a person, but there was not more to it. And that Sam was just a big flirt, and that they were both trying to promote Outlander as much as possible because they knew it was their big break. 

This is also the source who told me that Cait’s friend, the one the source is friends with, didn’t particularly care for Sam. To be very clear: I don’t feel this way about Sam, Cait doesn’t feel this way about Sam, and my source doesn’t feel this way about Sam. In fact, my source said Sam “was lovely” to her and “a sweetheart.” But one of Cait’s besties, just ONE FRIEND–not plural, the friend said that she thought Sam “could be self-absorbed,” and “douchy.” ONE of Cait’s friends said this. No one else said this. And that was way back in 2014. I’m sure Sam has matured since then, as people tend to do as they get older. BTW Cait has a lot of close friends, some of which aren’t well known to fans. Reiterating: Cait doesn’t feel that way about Sam, the source didn’t feel this way about Sam, and I, Purv, don’t feel this way about Sam, nor have I said anything like that about Sam. 

Back to Sam being a natural flirt, remember, even Cait said “he could flirt with a lamppost.” Well, my source said that the times she saw Sam at business meetings, he was always very nice to her and would greet her with a big bear hug, tight enough that she could feel how hard his chest was. He would look down at her, right into her yes, hold her gaze, and smile big at her. And this was a woman he was not interested in romantically. He was just being friendly and sweet. Imagine how high the charm wattage is turned up for a woman he IS interested in. No wonder that Samshine has been hard to resist. This is also the source who said that Sam would always say goodbye to her by saying his now ubiquitous “Let’s get together for a wee dram when you’re in Scotland.” Of course, that “wee dram” never happened. I think that’s just Sam’s people pleasing qualities coming out, never wants to disappoint anyone. The source also said whenever he would text or e-mail her for business related stuff, he was always super enthusiastic and used a lot of exclamation points !!!!!!

Anyway, my original industry source “broke up” with me years ago because she didn’t want to chance anyone finding out who she was, as Outlander got bigger, and as she got bigger in the industry. I still sometimes look at her Twitter and IG all nostalgic, remembering when it all started...ah, memories...

My second major source was my Tony family source. My Tony source is someone from Glasgow who was friends with someone I’d known for awhile. My friend put me in contact with her. The Tony source approached me to tell me that she was shocked to find out a relative of hers (later found out it was her brother) had revealed “the lead actress from that new show Outlander is dating Tony McGill.” She was shocked because she and her family have known Tony and his family for years, all of them growing up in and around Glasgow. Her brother went to school with Tony and his brother, Joe. She then told me the whole backstory of Cait and Tony. She wanted me to keep the info to myself and she had no motivation or intention of making it public. But she finally agreed, after I gave my word that I would protect her identity and I have. 

What she shared with me in late 2014 is that her brother found out their friend, Tony was dating Caitriona Balfe. At the time she said they’d been dating for about 9-10 months, that’s why I always put the start of their relationship around March 2014. She was told that by December 2014, the relationship was “dead serious” between them and that Cait had spent Christmas 2014 in London with Tony and his dad. And then Tony had flown to Ireland with Cait to spend New Year’s Eve and New Year’s with her family and friends (we’ve all seen the pic and video on Donal Brophy’s IG). My source said that Cait and Tony had been friends for 9 years or so at the time (again, this was told to me in 2014) and had met years ago when Tony rented out a room to one of Cait’s friends. They hooked up briefly back then and then remained friends, until it turned romantic again around March 2014. The source said that she and her family knew Tony and his family from back in the day, and she told me what school Tony went to in Glasgow (something I haven’t and won’t make public). She said that Tony had moved from Glasgow years ago and had been living in London for awhile (again, this was told to me in 2014). Also, that he and his brother owned a bar/live music place in London, The Library in Islington (they later opened a second one, The Reading Room, which Cait posted from on IG) and a music production company. And that prior to that, Tony was the band manager for some Scottish bands, most notable, The Fratellis. She described Tony as “fun, clever and hysterically funny.” 

The Tony source came into the picture after I had my Twitter account up, where I was posting insider info given by my first source. I had already posted that Sam and Cait weren’t dating. This second source is the one that filled in the missing puzzle piece I didn’t know was missing and told me she knew WHO Cait was dating. I would have NEVER known the name Tony McGill associated with Cait if not for this source. He was on no one’s radar. And he wasn’t on social media. This source told me details only an insider would know. And I also had her full identity, so I knew she was legit as well. Then ‘lo and behold Tony started showing up places with Cait. There is NO way I would have known about Tony without this inside family source. No way. Of course after my source told me about him, I did look him up online and there was hardly any information about him. Never in a million years would I have linked Tony McGill with Cait on my own. And I mentioned Tony McGill way before he started showing up places with Cait. How could it be that I said sources told me Tony McGill is dating Cait, and then a man identified as Tony McGill is seen out and about with Cait? The only way I knew about Tony is because the source told me. 

Back in the day, when Cait and Tony weren’t yet living together yet, people wondered how they made their relationship work given the sometimes long distances? Well, when they first started dating around March 2014, Cait was filming Outlander Season 1, so Tony would go to Glasgow or Cait would go to London on weekends. Then when Season 1 wrapped and Cait went back to L.A. (where she had been living) in late Sept. 2014, Tony went to L.A. to visit her in October 2014 (both their birthdays are in October, Cait Oct. 4 and Tony Oct. 12, not Oct. 14 like some have said. Libra/Libra bond!). The Fratellis were also in L.A. Oct. 2014 and Tony helped them out with some business stuff, even though he was no longer managing them then. Then, as I’ve already stated, Cait and Tony spent time together Dec. 2014 and January 2015 for the holidays. Then Valentine’s Feb. 2015, Cait flew to London for the opening of Tony’s 2nd bar, The Reading Room. She posted a pic on IG. Then in April 2015, Tony flew to NY to join Cait for the premiere of the second half of Season 1. Eyewitness sources saw him sitting with Cait’s friends at the screening and then with Cait and her friends inside the after party. There was one PUBLIC pic on Twitter of Cait, Tony and Sam. And I and others have been shown private pics of Tony there. Many of us have seen them but we couldn’t make them public because they show the location where they were taken, thus identifying the source who took them, and she would get in trouble with her boss. After that, in May 2015, Cait went back to Glasgow to begin shooting OL Season 2, and this time, she brought her cat, Eddie with her. Per more than one source, Tony pretty much lived in Glasgow after that with Cait. One person who went to Tony’s bars in Glasgow and then reached out to me, said that she had asked about Tony and was told “he doesn’t come around much anymore because he moved back to Scotland.” They then moved into their new place in Glasgow, move out of that one and into a new one in Glasgow, and also have a place in London, and are now married and had their first son. THAT’s how Tony and Cait made it work.

My Tony source also parted ways with me, also due to fear of being found out. She didn’t formally break up with me, the way the original industry source did, she simply ghosted me. But I also see her pop up on Twitter or IG sometimes and get all wistful. Oh well...

After I posted the insider info from BOTH these sources, then people started to contact me with source info. They knew I was Anon and would keep them Anon--win/win. People who went to Hollywood parties, or premieres, or meet and greets, people who saw celebs at the market, or baseball games, or the beach, or at the gym, or walking down the street, or just happened to be at the right place at the right time, started sending me info. From all over the world, wherever Sam and Cait were. And if I could confirm it to be true, I would post it. If I couldn’t completely guarantee it, then I’d say it was speculation. And that’s what I still do. Granted, back in the day, I was somewhat naive, and did get burned and betrayed a few times. I admitted when that happened. I’m much more careful now. But for the most part, the MAJORITY of the info I’ve posted has been ACCURATE. People who have been here for years can corroborate that. I don’t post everything that is shared with me though. And because my sources are actual real humans, they can’t know everything or be everywhere…I don’t always get minute by minute info, that doesn’t mean I don’t have real sources.

As for me also being the first to let the fandom know that Sam was dating Abbie Salt in 2015...I had a couple of Abbie sources. One of them turned out to be super sketchy and once I figured that out, we parted ways. My Abbie sources approached me after I had already established my account as an insider info sharing account. The motivation was to debunk that Cody and Sam were still seeing each other since they no longer were, and Abbie had started seeing Sam. 

BTW: as an aside...I was also the one that, through an eyewitness source, told the fandom that Sam and Cody Kennedy had gone to the Matthew Morrison Halloween party in October 2014, and the source had seen them kissing while waiting for the valet to bring their car around. You don’t know the LENGTHS that Extreme Shippers went to to disprove my source. They even Google Earthed the driveway from the street to the valet and measured it trying to prove that my source could not have seen where Sam and Cody were waiting for their car. Hahahah omg. Except, my source wasn’t on the street, she was right next to them. After all the bullshit from ES, it’s a wonder I’m still here, but here I am...the strongest bitch you’ll ever meet. But I digress...

Anyhoo, back to Sam and Abbie. I had no idea Abbie Salt existed or that she had dated Sam before and was friends with him…until my Abbie source contacted me to tell me that Sam was no longer dating Cody Kennedy and had resumed dating Abbie Salt. Abbie met Sam years ago when her sister, actress, Charlotte Salt starred with Sam in “A Princess For Christmas,” they dated briefly then, and then rekindled their romance in early 2015. Cody Kennedy’s mom later confirmed this by posting publicly in response to a fan Sam and Cody had broken up because “Sam went back to his old girlfriend in London.” Abbie lives in London. Again…I was surprised because I had no idea…but all the info checked out and then whadda you know, Abbie started showing up in Glasgow…in Sam’s flat (IG pics since deleted)…in L.A. in February 2015 at the London hotel, West Hollywood seen and photographed by an eyewitness for Oscars Week parties (the pic is of Sam and the fan, taken by Abbie, fan said Abbie was super sweet)... n NY when he was there for the OL premiere April 2015 (she posted on her IG, since deleted the pics), in Miami when he was there (eyewitness and Miami source proof that they were in Miami together, and NO that was not me, it was a source) and in Barbados together (Barbados source confirmation, and NO that was not me, it was a source, and pics from Abbie and Sam Tweeted he had been in Barbados). After that, Abbie was in Glasgow and Sam in London, where Abbie lives, on several occasions…not to mention she was photographed as his date in Monte Carlo for the TV Film Festival. It couldn’t be a coincidence that the Abbie Salt sources told me about AHEAD of time, then started to spend all that time with Sam. I didn’t even know Abbie existed, how would I have ever known anything about her without sources?

I also told the fandom about Mackenzie Mauzy and Sam dating via a source who saw them in person, holding hands and leaving together at a Guns N Roses concert in Los Angeles April 1, 2016. A friend of someone I know in L.A. was there and recognized Sam. He told my friend that he’d seen “that Outlander dude, Sam Heughan holding hands with a blonde, leaving the Guns N Roses concert.” At first, I thought it may have been Cody Kennedy, but afterwards, sources came forth to confirm it was Mackenzie Mauzy. Later on, I was contacted by a different Mackenzie source and given more info, which I posted. That Mackenzie source ghosted me too because Mackenzie was probably asking questions as to who was doling out info.  Also, by sheer providence, a fan was in the stands at the Dodgers baseball game in June 2016 and sent me a video of Sam and Mackenzie at the game together. Another source sent me the video of Sam and Mackenzie leaving their hotel together at San Diego Comic Con. I’ll repost all that in the archives. And someone I’ve known for years on Tumblr and trust completely came forward to share that she found out Sam and Mackenzie had broken up from one of Mackenzie’s relatives who live near her. Again, that was also by chance. Life can indeed be stranger than fiction. The relative told her Mackenzie wanted to get married and have kids and Sam wasn’t ready for that yet, so they broke up. That source came forth and identified herself on Tumblr, so that also proves my source info was legit. 

In summary: I was the FIRST to let the fandom know Cait and Sam weren’t dating, Cait was dating Tony, and Sam was dating Abbie, and Sam was dating Mackenzie BEFORE anyone else knew. You can’t do ALL of that simply by scouring social media posts as haters would have you think. It’s just not possible. And reasonable people understand that.

Before Covid-19 hit, people who were attending industry events would contact me and say “Hey Purv, I’m going to the PCA, or the TCA, or the GoldenGlobes, or the Outlander Season premiere and after party, I’ll give you the scoop!” I’d say “Cool, thanks! Send pics or video and let me know what and who you see.” That’s it. No social media searches or data mining needed. There is no conspiracy involved. No one is “feeding” me info from Sam or Cait’s camps or non-shipper or shipper sides to propagate a certain “narrative.” It’s just different people, who are at the right place at the right time, or are privy to certain insider info, sharing it with me because they know I post info for fans who are into that. As I’ve said ad infinitum, I am quite simply THE MESSENGER.

Any questions, send me an Ask or a Direct Message on my MAIN account @p-redux  Thanks!

[pauls1967moustache]

I wanted to let you know that I love your writing! You set your scenes so well and have really great comedic timing. I’ve found myself re-reading your fics several times. Just wondering, what is the premise of your WIP? Also what is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I'm glad to hear you come back to them <3

My WIP that is currently torturing me is broadly about the slow and painful crumbling of Paul's sense of denial, and more specifically about the month John and Yoko spent living in Cavendish with Paul and Francie Schwartz in 1968 :)

As for my favourite thing I've written, pardon me while I go on a self-absorbed tangent...

I think my favourites are Aninut and i thought i knew you, what did i know (as you can see, my taste tends to lean bittersweet lol). Both of them were character studies where I was trying to explore really specific things about Paul (how he reacts to grief) and Jane (why does she stay with Paul), and I feel like I did that really successfully, and in a way that felt very true to who they were, so I'm quite proud of them. I find the character centric sort of stuff more difficult than just writing smut, because smut, while not something easy to write, is at the very least easy to structure because it's quite formulaic. With character studies I generally have to think more about how I'm going to demonstrate something about a person without flat out telling you "they act like this because of this reason", which is challenging, but really fun and rewarding when I feel I got it right.

The reason I'm drawn to this fandom is because the dynamics between absolutely everybody are really complex. There's a lot of love, and as a result a lot of tension when that love isn't enough to satisfy each other's emotional needs, if that makes sense? The nature of them being real people is that no one can ever really be a one-note character. I find fic where they're treated like that very boring, which makes me try not to treat them like that, which makes me write conversations which I find really interesting and emotionally fraught. Like the Brian/Paul dynamic is soooo intriguing to me which was why I first thought of writing Aninut in the first place. Like, Brian died at a time when they were getting along super well and in a way that they hadn't before, and I can't imagine how confusing it must've been for Paul to lose Brian then, especially since Paul grieves in such unconventional ways. And as I was writing i thought i knew you, I got really swept up in the Jane/John dynamic too. I finished the story where I did cause that felt like the end of it to me, but had I kept going with it, I feel it would be less about Jane and Paul vs John and Paul, and more about Jane and John's relationship as an extension of how they interact with Paul.

And also, the reason I wrote both of them was because they felt like stuff I hadn't read in the fandom yet, and would've liked to, so they're quite fresh and unique to me. I don't know if it sounds stuck up of me to say this, or whatever, but I am quite proud of myself for bringing something new to the fandom with those two stories.

Anyway, thank you for asking! If it sounds like I'm obsessed with my own writing, it's because I genuinely am :)

[mleemwyvern]

Totempulse AU, a creation of my own hermitcraft hyperfixation and that one @hermitcraftheadcanons post

As the title says, i saw one idea for this and then i went off and made an entire au based on it. This is the contents of my entire notes app note that i made and filled with every single idea I had for this concept. Please interact because i love this idea and i want m o r e.

Basic AU Summary

a hermitcraft au where impulse uses too many totems of undying and now he wont die

Alternate timeline of season 7, occurs before the secret base shenanigans. Impulse discovers that his constant use of totems is having more permanent effects. Shenanigans and science soon follow.

Important Characters: Impulse, Tango, Zedaph

How Totems Work

Every time someone uses a totem, they absorb a tiny bit of the energy released. This energy gives them a bit of death resistance, but its such a small amount that its not even noticeable unless you use huge amounts of totems. Impulse uses huge amounts of totems. Every bit of energy absorbed makes it easier to absorb more, so repeated use of totems has accelerating effects. This effect is known as Totem Corruption (totem syndrome? just totem effects? totemification? name in progress but ill use corruption for now). The death resistance manifests as:

- taking less damage from all sources

- faster regeneration

- a bit more resistant to fire/lava than to other damage sources

- does NOT affect void damage in any way

- At high levels, natural regeneration is possible even when hungry

- At high levels, the affected has temporary fire/lava immunity for the first few seconds spent touching fire/lava. This timer resets once the fire/lava is no longer being touched.

- At higher levels, regeneration is extremely fast and works even when starving

- At higher levels, the affected takes no damage from almost all sources. Only void and incredibly high damage things can hurt them

- At higher levels, the affected is completely immune to fire and lava

- At highest levels, the affected may stop aging

- At highest levels, the affected may become completely immune to all non-void damage.

Phases of Totem Corruption (the Science Notes):

These are notes from experiments performed on the only known person to develop totem corruption, ImpulseSV. He has a notable habit of farming and using large amounts of totems, and constantly tries to get other people to use them as well. {Optional physical changes bc this fandom just loves their inhuman stuff}

Stage 1: the subject takes slightly less damage and regenerates slightly faster. Effects can barely be noticed unless compared to someone who is not corrupted. Can fall from a few blocks higher, and lasts longer when drowning or burning. Takes one more hit with a sword to kill, although just barely. Totem corruption was first detected in this stage, and it is unknown how many totems it takes to get here. {No physical changes}

Stage 2: the subject takes significantly less damage from all sources. They are capable of surviving a full-speed elytra crash without armour. It takes around 10 hits with a sword to kill them. They can also sit in lava for approximately 5 seconds before starting to burn. It is unknown exactly how stage 1 progresses to stage 2, as Impulse entered this stage due to repeated intentional activation of many totems in a small amount of time. (Non-scientific translation: he flew into a wall a few hundred times). It is also unknown why Impulse had so many totems. {If physical changes are on: the subject develops striking emerald-coloured eyes. Their skin may appear slightly gold-like.}

Stage 3: this stage is only speculation, as Impulse has not progressed past stage 2 at the time of writing. In stage 3, the subject may become completely invulnerable to all forms of damage other than the void. They may also cease aging. They will likely also have extreme regeneration, however it will not see much use if they cannot be injured in the first place. Sometime between stage 2 and invulnerability, they will likely become completely immune to fire. It is unknown how many totems are required to reach this stage. {If physical changes are on: the subject may develop golden wings on their back. Their skin may become even more gold-like, and their eyes may become solid pools of emerald green.}

{basically, totem-like features, more severe as more totems are used}

The Plot So Far:

- The boomers are doing their thing (blowing stuff up). For this reason, none of them are wearing armour

- Impulse and Tango both fall off the tnt machine. Tango dies, but Impulse does not.

- They are confused, and decide to push Bdubs off the ledge to see if Impulse is strong or if Tango is weak. Bdubs dies (and is angry).

- Extra confused Impulse and Tango, Bdubs does not care and is mad that they pushed him off the ledge.

- After the job is finished, Impulse and Tango meet up with Zedaph and tell him theres weird stuff going on and they need to science it. Zedaph is all for sciencing weird stuff!

- Cue experiments- Impulse is proven to Not Die As Easily.

- The squad discusses possible theories for why this is happening. They settle on totems being the cause, as they are magical in nature and also an Impulse Thing.

- More experiments to prove the theory- seeing how much damage Impulse takes from the same source, before and after he activates another totem. The theory is proved correct.

- The squad decides they need to see how much they can accelerate the changes. Impulse gathers an ungodly amount of totems and proceeds to repeatedly fly into a wall as Tango and Zedaph watch.

- Xisuma comes across this experiment and slowly backs away

- Impulse finally stops once a flight into the wall fails to kill him and activate a totem.

- Cue even more experiments, to see how death resistant Impulse is now.

- The secret base arc progresses, specifically to the keralis turtle part.

- Grian suggests they kill each other for heads. Impulse has to explain how difficult it will be because he used too many totems and now hes hard to kill. This does not stop Grian from trying.

- Bdubs is angry because this is unfair. Him and Grian gang up on Impulse to try and kill him at least once.

- Impulse dies exactly one time. That head is given a place of pride in the turtly display.

- Later, Impulse encounters Xisuma in the shopping district, who proceeds to question him on why exactly he was flying into a wall repeatedly. Impulse has to explain the totems effects yet again.

- Impulse STILL wears full netherite armour despite being incredibly death resistant. He just fears death that much.

People who are aware of impulses new abilities, in order of discovery:

- Tango (knew something was weird when impulse Did Not Die)

- Impulse (knew something was wrong when he Did Not Die)

- Bdubs (saw impulse Not Die, but then forgot)

- Zedaph (tango/impulse explained it, experiments occur)

- Bdubs, again (explained to at secret base, he caught on quicker bc he was there for the original Not Dying)

- Grian (explained to at secret base)

- Xisuma (questioned impulse bc he was concerned about the repeated wall flights)

Random Ideas:

- does this affect the code in any way? Can xisuma do something with this?

- tango has admin permissions too- will he do something with this? Will they work together?

- one subject isnt much of a study pool. Do more hermits get these effects? Will zedaph totem himself for science?

- does impulse still carry totems after this? Does he still fear death that much after becoming so resistant to it?

- if impulse cant die, do impulse heads become rare and valuable?

- do the totem effects carry between servers or are they limited to this one?

- what about drowning? Does he run out of air slower or does he just not die from being unable to breathe?

Fun ideas and scenarios:

- a competition for who can actually kill impulse

- totem demand rises as more hermits want to become death resistant

- "thats NOT FAIR! thats CHEATING!" "well i cant exactly control it!" "YOU ADVANCED THE EFFECTS ON PURPOSE!" - someone who just found out what impulse did

- impulse is banned from decked out

- once he becomes fireproof, impulse just vibing in lava

- impulse starts a service where he will do dangerous things other hermits need done, because hes probably not going to die from it

- grian unleashes absolute chaos upon an unsuspecting impulse because it wont kill him anyways, why not have fun?

- at least one person finds out about the totems effects by trying to kill impulse and failing miserably

- if anyone sees an impulse death message in chat, the immediate response is "HOW?"

Oh, you want ANGST? Optional angsty stuff here (i prefer not to, but go off if you must):

- you COULD get angst by flipping the totem effects (overuse makes you more fragile as you become dependent on totems), but thats boring and doesnt fit the rest of the lore

- instead, get some "not himself anymore" angst! extra effective with physical changes on

- does impulse even want to advance the effects more? maybe hes paranoid of what might happen

- what if he gets to the invincibility stage? what happens to a man who cannot die?

- hes pretty much guaranteed to outlive all his friends if minecraft ppl can die ppermanently! especially if totems stop aging too.

- get deep into the lore of why the totems are like this! they come from illagers, so theres some connection to vex magic, which the fandom has used for ungodly amounts of angst (could also bring convex in somehow)

- perhaps theres a price to pay later on or something

- maybe impulse develops a fear of the void, since its the only thing that can kill him. Does he avoid zedaphs cave now because of the void hole?

- trying to hide the totem effects perhaps?

reblogs are vastly appreciated and i will read the tags because i am starved for validation

[kalofi]

Bro just the way u like. Draw the cast it makes me so happy its unreal....can u pls spill sum hcs u got for the crew?

AH THANK YOU !!!!! um im rly bad at coming up with hcs they usually just happen when i draw but i’ll try to sum up the silly little thoughts i have about the cast !! about two for each :)

gordon

kinda canon, but he just says stuff. like most of the time without thinking. so sometimes he comes off as insensitive but he just does NOT have a brain to mouth filter. this has gotten him in a lot of trouble but also can b rly fucking funny. some old jerk scientists will be like oh dr freeman didnt you wear that exact shirt yesterday(smug) and gordon without looking up from the photocopier and only half paying attention will b like well u wear that same face everyday and i don’t hear anyone else complaining. and then the other scientist will try to hold in their tears as they walk away. gordon does not give this a second thought ❤️

extremely smart but also just so dumb. u know what i mean. also he loves fishing but hates hiking. he also doesn’t know the first about how cars work and has no idea how to differentiate between brands or models. gordon “help girl i don’t know what breeds of cars there are” freeman.

benry

me n cecil (@/mint-bees) were talking about this once but benry usually just dresses comfortably cause it’s easy but if they want to dress up they WILL. extremely good fashion sense which surprises everyone cause like. benry can dress?? the same benry who wears tuxedo shirts unironically?? THAT benry??? but they just wear shittyass clothes cause they find em funny and also they just like em

benry is so bad with animals. like they try to be friendly but most creatures are scared of them lol. sunkist is the only dog who would even get near benry and that took a couple months of interaction to achieve. don’t be mistaken tho sunkist wasn’t afraid of benry she just didn’t like them lol

tommy

TOMMY MY FRIEND TOMMY. pls excuse me projecting onto him but tommy loves jewelry. collecting it, wearing it, etc. he’s just super into it and he especially likes metal-type jewelry cause of the clinking sound they make when they hit each other. his favorite designs of jewelry are fun litle things like fruit or candy or just miscellaneous objects. he finds them super cute!! also, the brighter the color the more drawn to it he will b. tommy is like a crow in which he sees a neon or shiny color and his eyes zero in on it and he needs it now now NOW!!!!!!

this is based off that one comic i made but tommy can just. consume stuff without actually...eating it?? like if he wants to eat a breadroll he can just hold it in his hand and like. absorb its energy. from an outsiders perspective it just looks like that object is slowly phasing out of existence. in retrospect it’s kind of a useless ability and tommy likes the stimulation of chewing so he doesn’t use it that much except as a fun party trick ❤️

also tommy was adopted by gman but he still has powers cause gman just passed them onto him. think all might passing his quirk onto midoriya but without the hair eating. tommy spent time in his childhood after being adopted trying to hone his skills but he’s still a little unsteady to this day. in that way he’s kinda more dangerous than gman sometimes cause he can’t completely control his powers

bubby

i think this is kind of agreed on within the fandom but bubby loves cooking. black mesa food was ASS. utter ASS. so once he gets out he goes all out with experimenting on what he does and doesn’t like. they’re pretty bad at cooking at first but they’re pretty stubborn so eventually they get it!!

i feel like it’s funny if bubby was one of those ‘oh in my day-‘ old ppl but like also he likes to b pretty up-to-date with whatevers currently popular. hence the ‘NUT UP OR SHUT UP!’ and ‘i believe the kids say you pogged it!’ gordon hears bubby use the word lit once and has to sit down for a moment to process.

also unrelated but bubby only likes two video games and they are tetris and pac-man. this is simply bc years ago i asked my mom what video games she liked and she was like ‘i hate video games the only one i like is pac-man’ and i thought it was the funniest shit. me n my siblings still make fun of her for that

coomer

DR COOOMEEERRR !!! we all know dr coomer is extremely impulsive if he wants smth he WILL get it by any means necessary. he is very bad at thinking of long term consequences, he just sees the product of the now and if he likes it he will go for it. the reason he allowed himself to b cloned by black mesa even tho it was extremely new and unsafe technology was bc he was like wow! that is just so cool! and didn’t give it any thought beyond that. i feel like the reason dr coomer has so many body modifications(power lungs, extendo arms, etc) is bc of the long term affects on the body of the cloning process. like yeah in the long run it may have caused for him to need to get a replacement heart but also: clones 😼

this has been said b4 but dr coomer is p bad at comforting ppl. like don’t get me wrong he tries but most of the time when trying to comfort someone he’ll just go off on tangents. in that sense he’s bad at it cause he usually doesn’t know what to say but also surprisingly it helps bc most of the time he says the most absurd thing that just cause ppl to. snap out of it. at least for awhile.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

I hope you find something that is able to capture your creative energy soon☀️🎉

Love you toni💖

LOVE YOU TOO FRIEND <3

i must admit that my creative energy is still eluding me and it is super frustrating. i'm now medicated for adhd, and i can definitely see areas of my life/brain where it's having an effect. my memory, my sleep, my ability to push through tedious tasks--it's even upped my muscle strength a little, weirdly. and possibly heightened my sense of taste and smell? (which is weird lol).

but i have no idea if it's not helping my attempts to be productive or if the problem is just a lack of inspiration. because i really MISS writing fic. and i miss making gifs! but whenever i wish i were making things, i follow that with...what would i focus on though? and i draw a total blank.

i've come across very few things lately that really suck me in, and those are not the kind of things i want to make stuff for. (i currently have the tick tick boom soundtrack playing in my ears at volume 80 and i watched the snl performance of all too well like 20 times, but what am i supposed to do with that? gif things that i love because of their sound? that doesn't make any sense to me)

because i've spent so much time this year on health issues, i've given myself a pass on writing and graphics, and so i keep thinking maybe what i need is a challenge for 2022. a ficlet every day, or gifs every day. something.

then i just get stuck. because on the one hand, i know that unrealistically high goals will mean i give up quickly. but if i try to set modest goals, they don't feel challenging and i lose interest before i even start. unfortunately bipolar!brain doesn't work well with with middle ground.

so i keep turning over ideas in my head like doing a ton of 'make me choose' gifsets, or a series of 'get to know me' gifsets for stuff i love, or picking a couple old WIPs to finish even though i've moved on from the fandom (like i did last year) or writing completely random new ficlets (for what fandom?!?) based on prompts from a generator. SOMETHING.

anyway, i know i've turned this into a whole ramble :) but it turns out i saved this message for a day when i would need it as a reason to ramble all this. sometimes when life is hard, i have to let myself quietly absorb other people's media and creations, and i'm okay with that. but i can't live that way forever.

[trashmouthnerd]

Just dudes being dudes...

Fandom: Avatar, Zuko x Sokka

Summary: Inspired completely by @firebendcr “Zukka are the gay friends who constantly flirt “as a joke” but would say yes in a heartbeat if the other asked them out” Yes so he is the absolute genius that came up with this. Follow him please :)

A large, drawn out sigh escaped the not so new but still incredibly inexperienced fire lord. He ruled over the entire fire nation with confidence and grace but evidently could not face a social event with even a fraction of the same attitude.

"Relax would ya? The whole gang is going to be back together for the first time in a year. You should be excited" A familiar teasing came from Zuko's bed. Sokka had let himself in earlier this evening, already dressed in his best attire, and dropped theatrically on Zuko's freshly made bed.

"How can I relax? This outfit looks ridiculous Sokka, and what if they don't like me anymore? Spirits this is dreadful, maybe I can call it off-" Zuko rambled, hands patting down the red fabric frantically.

"Alright seriously, chill. They love you and you know it so shut up, and hey that outfit is barley different from your usual"

"It's tighter" Zuko complains. Sokka groans, pulling himself off the bed reluctantly to stand behind Zuko - who was glaring into the mirror as though he were waiting to grow a second head.

"Just shows of your rocking bod more" Sokka winks, slapping Zuko's ass playfully before turning his friend around and flattening the collar properly.

"Shut up, like you know what looking stupid feels like. You look ridiculously hot in anything it isn't fair" Zuko pouts, his head falling in defeat to rest on Sokka’s shoulder.

"Hey, that's just my natural charm, can't blame me for that" Sokka grins, it only widening as his remark earns a groan from Zuko.

"Seriously though, you look great alright? Now stop being such a baby" Sokka said, rolling his eyes when a glare was sent his way. Zuko made his way to the mirror once again, prepared to compulsively check over his appearance when a rather loud knock sounded at his door.

"What is it?" He called, making his way over to the doors, barley keeping himself from tripping over his robes when an excitable Sokka shoved ahead of him.

"Oh ambassador Sokka, please could you inform Fire Lord Zuko that the guests are arriving now" A soft voice came from the doorway and Sokka nodded his head triumphantly.

"You hear that Jerk-lord, party's starting" Sokka winked, grabbing Zuko's hand and dragging him out of the comfort and isolation of his room.

"Fantastic.." He muttered as he allowed himself to be pulled around corners and through hallways.

They reached the main hall moments later and were utterly flabbergasted at the outcome of the last few days. Rows of brightly lit lanterns were hanging from the ceiling, tables of the finest food lined the back walls. It was completely decorated with Fire Nation scrolls and paintings in any areas that might have looked uninviting had they not been there.

It all looked so official Zuko had to take a deep breath.

He never would've hosted a party if Sokka hadn't been so spirit damned adamant about it. But maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all...

Sokka smiled, nudging his friend before taking it all in himself. Crowds of people who were well aquatinted with each other were beginning to form in small circles. All sorts of people, there were friends from past adventures, officials of every kingdom and special guests Zuko had invited from the fire nation villages he'd visited.

"Will uncle be coming?" Zuko turned, his eyes trying to submerge the hope until he received an answer. Sokka smiled sympathetically.

"Not tonight, but in his letter to me he said.. never mind" Sokka stopped, his eyes widening as though he'd said something he wasn't supposed to.

"He said what, Sokka?" Zuko glared, staring ferociously to encourage an answer.

"Oh alright.. he's planning on surprising you this week but I wasn't supposed to say anything.." Sokka frowned, knowing he'd missed the chance to see the light in Zuko's eyes upon Iroh's sudden arrival.

Zuko smiled anyway, thankful he'd see his uncle again soon.

"Oh.. Well good, it's about time the old man visited"

"Sokka! Zuko!" A familiar voice called from the crowd. The pair turned to see three smiling faces running towards them at full speed. Aang got there first, nearly sweeping the two off their feet as he jumped into a sudden hug. Katara following soon after, engulfing them further into the warmth of their friends.

"Guess I'll join in on the sappy reunion too" Toph smirked, her arms wrapping around the group as her cheeks squished against Katara’s back.

"I missed you so much, even if you are a pain" Katara smiled to her brother warmly as Aang told Zuko a long winded tale of his adventures on the way to the fire nation.

"Ha ha, you too sis. Keeping this one in check isn't an easy job" Sokka sighed, punching Zuko in the arm playfully.

"Speaking of which, spirits look at you Zuko..." Katara started, looking him up and down.

"Yeah, tell me about it.. You look so.." Aang trailed off.

"Handsome? Hot? Flaming Hot?" Sokka rambled, doing his duty of helping his friend in finishing his sentence.

"I was going to say fancy" Aang laughed.

"You look the same to me" Toph shrugged. Sokka laughed, touching her arm gently. It felt nice, right, being all together again.

Hours passed and the party was still going strong. Sokka had eaten most of the buffet but everything else had gone according to plan. Zuko had met with a few officials to greet them, doing his absolute best to win them over.

Other than a few short conversations Zuko had spent the entire night in a spare room with his friends, sending Momo every now and then to retrieve some snacks - which never worked in their favour.

"So come on then Zuko, spill the beans" Toph teased but Zuko only raised a brow.

"Oh come on, you're telling me you're the Fire Lord and you haven't gotten any" She went on, her own brows furrowing together in disbelief.

"Huh? Oh no, I guess I haven't" He shrugged, it's not as though he'd really thought about. Yeah there's a few cute boys but he's busy enough ruling the fire nation and rebuilding what Ozai broke to think about dating.

And by a few cute boys he means that one cook that works mornings, the guy he met down the market place once, and his painfully perfect best friend.

"Lame" She finished, stretching her feet out onto the table.

"Why do I need a relationship when I've got hot stuff here to help with me everything anyway" Zuko smirked, eyeing the boy beside him mischievously.

"It's an honour, Fire-Jerk" Sokka smiled, biting his bottom lip suggestively while maintaining eye contact. The two were so absorbed in their teasing they failed to see the confused glances their friends were sharing.

"Get a room!" Katara said, turning her nose up in fake disgust.

"We have one" Sokka winked, Zuko seemed to have found this amusing as he nudged his shoulder against his friend’s, scoffing slightly.

"So have you two been like this since we left or...?" Aang asked, sitting forward as he snatched a carrot from the bowl in front of him. Tilting his head as he awaited the highly anticipated answer.

"What do you mean 'like this'?" Zuko asked, turning to Sokka for some sort of assistance.

"Acting like you're married" Katara provided to the dumbfounded idiots sitting directly ahead of her.

"Dunno what you're talking about sis, this is completely normal bro behaviour" Sokka shrugged, his hand resting on Zuko's thigh. Katara looked at said hand suspiciously and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah.. sure.. friends always flirt with each other non stop" She said sarcastically, eyeing her brother knowingly.

"Flirting? We are not flirting!" Zuko frowned, shoving the hand off of his thigh.

"Yeah! We always act like this!" Sokka added. Raising his hands to drive home his confusion.

"That's completely normal.. just guys being guys.. nothing romantic about it" Aang smiled, looking towards Katara in knowing agreement.

"Exactly!" Zuko shouted. Arms crossing over his chest in realising that touching Sokka right now was off the table, he didn't want his friends to be suspicious about nothing after all.

"So you're saying neither of you would go there with each other?" Toph smirked, knowing her question would give her plenty entertainment.

"Well-" They both said in unison. Sokka's eyes wide and Zuko's cheeks tinted red.

"You go first"

"No you”

"Fine. Well I'm a good friend you know, if my buddy here wanted to do something then who am I to decline the Fire Lord?" Sokka explained, shrugging as though he weren't declaring the tension between them was existent after all.

Zuko's eyes widened at his best friends confession. If he'd known that were the case then for what dumb reason weren't they doing that already?

"Yeah and I mean, have you seen those eyes? I'm not saying no to them" Zuko stated, grabbing Sokka’s chin, tilting it up with his finger as he smirked.

“You wanna go out with me? I wouldn’t mind giving you the pleasure of having such an incredibly good looking boyfriend” Sokka smiled, his eyes glinting as Zuko tilted his chin just a little further to kiss him with a warm smile.

"Idiots, the both of you" Katara shook her head, smiling as she watched Sokka throwing his arms around his totally platonic best friend, planting a soft kiss on his cheek.

[dreamylyfe-x]

our story was epic

Up until a few days ago, I was unable to really absorb that they are about to start airing season 11. Like... they are still SHOOTING season 11. And it feels like I JUST got into this thing, so... despite being on Tumblr way too much, I still couldn’t fully wrap my head around it. 

But then I bought myself an advent calendar and it started to be me daily going “Oh my God. It’s December 4th. That’s TWO DAYS. And I’m just realizing that it’s exactly a year since I became obsessed with this show. 

I started to binge right at the start of December, initially watching YouTube clips and then just surrendering to the whole show. And I was IN a fandom that I was enjoying very much, but the magnetism that is Gallavich could not be denied. I’ve been a sucker for a good love story my whole life. I used to sneak watching soaps (severely not allowed in my house) as a kid by *taping them off the audio feed on my radio*. So I like epic. I like over the top and dramatic desperate love stories a whole lot. 

But I don’t think I’ve ever loved a love story like I love Ian and Mickey. 

When I was first falling in love with this story I kept thinking of an exchange from Veronica Mars: 

"I thought our story was epic, you know. You and me.”

"Epic how?”

"Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined and bloodshed. Epic.” 

Epic is a high bar. Epic is Shakespearean. Epic often ends in tears. 

But I think Gallavich is epic. 

Spanning years we got. These are not people who span continents. Bloodshed, certainly. Lives ruined?  Well. It sometimes looked pretty bleak. But I think they did ok. 

The thing about an epic love story is that a lot of them do end badly. They’re also almost always about rich people. But there’s nothing all that inspiring about a great love that lasts a few weeks before you both end up dead in a tomb because of a wacky misunderstanding and a slow mule. 

I’ve always thought the point of a great love story is not to rush headlong into death, but to have something that’s worth fighting for, because it enriches your life. For me, an epic love is one that withstands pressures the conflicts. It’s rooted in understanding. It’s about two people who really know each other and lift each other up. There is something to be said for the epic love story that ends with people splitting a beer on the porch after a particularly gruelling day. That’s the stuff I actually find relatable and uplifting. 

So. On the eve of the last season, here’s my list of what has made them epic, up to this point. 

1. They are in for each other just as they are. From day one -- if we count day one as being the day Ian Gallagher discovered Mickey Milkovich was an option for him -- they have been charmed and twitter-pated over exactly the guy they see in front of them. We’ve seen Ian unable to suppress a smile while Mickey beats some poor kid up, and grin like an idiot while Mickey shrugs off their hookup. And we know from Ian’s other relationships that Mickey is the only guy who he is ever just himself with. Mickey never gives Ian a reason to think he has to be something else because Mickey isn’t critical of Ian as a human. 

2. The Magnet Factor. This is essential if you’re going to to call yourself epic. Two people who can’t stay away from each other. Who will come back to each other again and again, no matter what is going on. The best they do at staying apart is season three, when they have both been attacked and traumatized, and even then it’s the person who has to live with his assaulter who is taking that position. It still doesn’t last. It’s life and death and Mickey still does stuff like hook up with Ian while his entire family is upstairs waiting for his wedding to start. Authorities have to intervene. Nothing else can mount a convincing counterattack. Not even a Mexican cartel. 

3. Compatibility. If you have a couple who are willing to draw blood for each other there’s got to be a reason. Ian and Mickey have that deep compatibility that I find so convincing. Settling in to watch action movies, or spooning in bed, or having beers in the kitchen. Stumbling down the street, singing Love is a Battlefield. They have the best time with each other and it’s the absolute greatest thing about them. 

4. They really and truly do love each other. Not just in those moments when they’re smiling at each other like they’ve never seen anything more amazing in their entire lives -- but in the moments when Ian is spending all this time fretting about how Mickey is while Mickey won’t talk to him, or is limping around Chicago trying to figure out how to get Mickey to come home to him. Or when he’s giving Mickey all his money at the border because he can’t reasonably go with him and stay healthy, but will still do everything he can to make this work out for him. Mickey being absolutely terrified for Ian when it becomes obvious that he’s sick, but never, ever entertaining the idea that it’s within his control. Just holds him, deals with his own stuff, argues with uninterested nurses at the clinic, gets all the fuckin’ Bs, when when Ian lets him know he needs something else, pivots. Instantly. Because Mickey isn’t interested in fitting Ian into some box. He’s just there to support Ian in getting better. They really do look to do what’s best for each other, to the best of their abilities, and that hasn’t changed. 

5. Constancy. They started this when they were teenagers. They never really gave up on each other. They have met other people, done other things, and spent time away from each other. They know what else is out there. They still want what they wanted as kids: each other. 

I generally go into things with as low expectations as I can manage. I’m going into season 11 expecting Ian and Mickey to fundamentally stay Ian and Mickey. And that will be more than enough for me. Because as long as it stays a story about two people who like each other, want to be together and stay together, I’m going to be happy. Most of the story has already been told. And I think it’s the greatest. 

[cherry-valentine]

So I recently read Killing Stalking over the course of two days. The first day was spent fleeing my home from flood waters and so I read the first half of the manwha on my phone in the parking lot of a grocery store. I was so absorbed in the story that I didn’t have time to worry about whether or not my house was washing away (it didn’t, and there was no damage, thanks for asking). I know I was pretty late to the party on this one, and it wasn’t because I wanted to avoid the series. To be honest it sounded like something I would love from the moment I heard about it, but at the time, I was busy and ended up forgetting it. I saw some pictures from it on Tumblr a few days back, was reminded, and decided to give it a shot. I have some feelings and random opinions on it that I felt like sharing. Most of these will include spoilers for the entire story, so be warned. Also: TW: ABUSE

But first, my non-spoilery plea to others who haven’t read it (and I guess the first thing I wanted to talk about): If you’re avoiding the series because you’ve heard that it glorifies or romanticizes abusive relationships, you can put that concern to rest. I honestly don’t know how anyone can walk away from the series with that take. The relationship portrayed in the series is nightmarish, and even the parts that aren’t so nightmarish are tense and very much realistic in the way abusive relationships actually work. Abusers aren’t abusive 100% of the time, and that’s what makes them so insidious. If they were terrible all the time, it would be much easier to hate them, leave them, and forget them. Instead, they are often kind, generous, and loving between incidents of abuse. This is to keep their victims emotionally attached to them. For many of these abusers, they may even feel actual love for their victims (a twisted, selfish love for sure, but I’ve always been of the belief that love can be a bad thing in certain situations). So even though there are moments in the series where the relationship seems to be going “well”, there’s always a sense of dread hanging over it, the feeling that at any moment, things are going to explode.

From here on out, there are !!MAJOR SPOILERS!! for the entire series.

A lot of people have identified the most sad or tragic or painful moments for them while reading, and those moments vary quite a bit between people. For me, the moment that gouged out my heart, the moment that was such a punch to the gut that I almost felt physical pain, was just a tiny thing. Toward the end, the first time Bum tries to go to the hospital Sangwoo is at, and the cab driver treats him like shit, Bum thinks “Why does everyone treat me like this?” And then we see flashbacks of moments when Sangwoo was kind to him. And... that right there. That got me. The fact that his abuser, the person who had treated him so cruelly, was also the only person who had treated him with actual kindness, broke my heart. The fact that he’d lived his whole life and experienced nothing but cruelty or indifference or betrayal. The only person who ever made him feel special, feel loved, was also the person who had tormented him. And it hurt so much to read, because I know that’s how many real life abuse victims feel. It was, in my opinion, the most tragic aspect of the series.

My last opinion might be a little controversial. Something I noticed when checking out the fandom for the series was how anyone who even hinted that they’d like for Sangwoo and Bum to be happy together was met with absolute hate and fury (slinging around lots of terrible insults like “failed abortion” and things I won’t repeat here - like yeah great idea explaining how abusive relationships are bad by being verbally abusive). Now, as a logical adult, I know it would be totally impossible for them to have a happy relationship (and indeed they didn’t). I didn’t even want them to be together. I just wanted them both to get a lot of therapy. The “headcanon” I came up with to make myself feel less depressed after the ending was that they both died and were then reborn into loving, nurturing environments where they grew up to be happy, well-adjusted people who would meet in college and have a healthy relationship. But I do understand the people who saw the less horrible moments and thought, “I wish they could just be happy together”. Because it did feel like these two thoroughly broken people had found a tiny, miniscule amount of happiness and love, even if it was clear it definitely would not last and definitely was not healthy. I get feeling that way.

And actually, the series plays a fairly clever trick on the reader. Just like real life abuse victims have trouble hating and leaving their abusers when those abusers are kind or show a more human side to them, Sangwoo became much harder to hate and dismiss once his traumatic childhood was revealed and he showed some kindness to Bum. It’s like the series was showing us exactly how abuse victims remain attached to their abusers, by making us stay attached to Sangwoo as a character. For the first half of the series I despised him, but the series tricked me into sympathizing with him and even feeling sorry for him and wishing he could be happy. And that. right. there. That’s how abusers get you. I thought it was a very smart way to portray this concept.

I also get that some BL fans DID romanticize and even fetishize the relationship. But, and hear me out please, I don’t think that’s a reason to totally dunk on those fans. Most of the fans who felt that way are probably fairly young, probably naive, probably exploring some dark fantasies for (perhaps) the first time in their lives. I think most people have something that introduced them to darker fantasies (rape fantasies, violent kinks, etc.). When you’re young, these are pretty thrilling to think about, and as long as you limit this exploration to works of fiction, it’s a safe way to dig into these fantasies. For most people, they grow out of them. The thrill wears off as they get older or they become mature enough to realize how horrible and scary those situations would be in real life. Some people keep those kinds of kinks all their lives, and as long as they limit it to fantasy and fiction, or consensual situations, that’s fine. But we need to understand that Killing Stalking, just by nature of having a very attractive character like Sangwoo, is going to be that piece of media that introduces a lot of younger people to those darker fantasies. And it’s not necessarily a terrible thing to let them safely explore those fantasies with this story. Because the story doesn’t encourage it. It doesn’t paint a rosey picture of this kind of relationship. It’s horrifying and ends in tragedy and trauma for everyone involved.

My “thing” that introduced me to darker fantasies was a movie called Boxing Helena, which I watched when I was most definitely too young. For those who haven’t seen it, it actually shares some themes with Killing Stalking (involving a sexy but psychotic man who had lots of issues relating to his mother and keeps a woman captive in his home, partly because she reminds him of his mother, and does horrible things to her - there’s even a scene where he brings another woman home and has sex with her while the captive woman is forced to watch through a cracked door. Sounds familiar, right?). It felt dark and dangerous and taboo, because it was also horrific. But it was exciting. Of course, I grew out of things like that, but it would have been absolutely no help to have a ton of people screaming at me that I was a sick pervert for finding the psycho guy hot (I mean it was Julian Sands in the 90’s, can you really blame me?).

If you come across younger fans who think Killing Stalking was sexy and say dumb things like, “I’d like to be in Sangwoo’s basement!” (actual comment I saw), don’t immediately harp on them and make them feel bad. They’re just exploring their own fantasies. It would be much more helpful to calmly and patiently talk to them and point out that it’s okay to like this stuff in fiction, but to be very careful about how they explore these feelings in reality. I’d be willing to bet that the vast majority of these people are just virginal teenagers who would never in a million years get involved in a dangerous relationship. So let’s cut them a little slack.

Note: When I refer to younger fans, I’m thinking 18-20 or so, and of course the younger teens who are going to read this whether we want them to or not. I am in no way suggesting that we should encourage younger people to read it. Just that, if you come across a younger person who has already read it, yelling insults at them over their naive opinions on it isn’t going to be helpful to anyone.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about it for now. I just felt very strongly about it and felt like sharing.

[botwstoriesandsuch]

hey, I saw you play a keyboard (amazing compositions btw legit thought they were actual nintendo ngl), when did you start? I'm a noob, so any suggestions on hand independence? How long did it take you? (and yes I know everyone is different but still 👉 👈👉 👈👉 👈👉 👈👉 👈

But also I kinda still don’t know what I’m doing because while it’s nice and all to play the piano, I don’t know SHIT about advanced music theory which is kinda important for making music. Like I know my staccatos and vibratos and tacos and concert band terms, but fucking beats me what you pair an F minor seven chord to. What the fuck is a relative key...A major? More like a major failure amiright

Luckliy I didn’t really make music for a long time so it didn’t really matter...that was until a little game came along in 2015, you may have heard of it, or maybe you haven’t, it’s called Undertale? Yeah kinda a niche game, but anyhow I was pretty hooked on that game and I was like “hey, music tho...do be boppin.” So I learned all the songs, and I followed all the tumblr fandom blogs. And there was this one fancomic that I really liked and I was like “hey......I got a cool little idea” and I sat at my keyboard and fucked around until a thing sounded good. That’s not even me joking or exaggerating. I, a like 13 year old kid, just kinda played some notes together until something sounded decent. And thus was my very first song, which was THIS babam

THIS piece of shit somehow actually got the attention of one of the mods for that Undertale webcomic?? And they were like "hey that's really nice!" and obviously with the benefit of hindsight we all know that was a lie, but I in my eager, powerhungry, 13 year old state accepted the compliment and absorbed it into my ego forever. I spent WEEKS on this piece of shit, I even made shitty trace art...so if some random stranger that ran a tumblr blog/VA twitter said that I did an amazing job, then god fucking dammit I am an amazing composer.

So yeah after that I just kinda....did it. I LIKE TO THINK I IMPROVED FROM THAT PIECE OF CRAP but hey who knows. You just kinda gotta....play those funky little notes, I still haven't taken a music theory class and hey, I'm turning out well enough. *dabs* Hand independance.....can't relate to the struggle, ask 7 year old me and get gud kid. (OK BUT ACTUALLY, are you right handed or left handed? so just play a fancy little melody with one hand, then practice playing it with BOTH hands on different octives. It's easier than just immediately going to a different hand because your brain is wired to like...connect your fingers or something. So then when you can play your little melody with both hands, then switch entirely to the non-dominant hand and practice that till it's perfect. Then babam, you did a thing. And that's under the assumption that your dominant hand is all powerful and can play whatever. Also just....practice. Just gotta practice practice practice. It's chiche, but that's how it works. It's easier to practice if you got a hyperfixation on a certain fandom that is famous for its good music.)

Ok so LONG STORY SHORT. 1) I was four. 2) Get gud and practice. 3) I guess...2015,,minus 2020,,or wait no skip 17 and 18 i didn't do anything that year....like 3-4 years??? Dont let that scare you, I made a total of 4 songs over that period, and most of my actually good shit that I actually took seriously I only made in 2020, so I guess it's really more like 1.5 years. And hell it'll probably be faster if you actually know what goes on with notes, cause again, I just compose based on vibes and feelings, I don't know jackshit on the technical chord shit or whatever. One might note that all my shit lacks complicated chord progressions and instead relies on triplet and arpeggio movements....

Oh ALSO two more things. Forget about melody. Fuck the melody. You want a fancy catch tune? FORGET IT. The only thing that matters is the harmony and background that's it, pour your heart and soul into that first and then you can place whatever bullshit tune you want on top of that and it'll sound 600% better I promise. Then ALSO ALSO, just watch a bunch of youtube videos about people analyzing and gushing and critiquing other music, sepcifically music that your passionate about like maybe video game ost for example. Cause when you enjoy the thingy then you're eventually gonna learn stuff and then do stuff you know? That's why I don't suck as much as I should at composing, and also the similar method for how I learn literally anything else, like writing. Ok long post done.