#but I have so many thoughts and feelings and devoted years of my early life to this show :/

[sufyonstevens]

Anyone also returning to superhell after many years sober and want to do a complete rewatch together (maybe as a lead up to a s16 revival shhh)? I need the emotional support for this and my therapist can only hear so much :((

[roosterforme]

Vintage | Rooster x Reader

Summary: You love teasing your husband about his deep and unwavering devotion to his Bronco, but he's insistent that it would come in second place to you every time, and he intends to prove it. While you're away on deployment, he concocts a plan to get you behind the wheel of your very own vintage beauty.

Warnings: Swears, fluff, mentions of smut

Length: 2700 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

Check out my masterlist for more!

"Sometimes I swear you love that thing more than you love me."

Your voice startled Bradley as he ran the wet, soapy sponge along the hood of his vintage Ford Bronco, pulling him from his thoughts. That was something you frequently said to him, jokingly claiming that you were the second love of his life. But you both knew it wasn't true. Especially not tonight.

"Hey, Baby," he whispered, coaxing you closer to him as he tossed the sponge back into the bucket. "Come here."

The setting sun painted your face with orange and gold, and he noticed the sadness in your eyes. He quickly wiped his hands on his jeans and then held them out to you, and you were in his arms in an instant. "Bradley," you mumbled against his chest as he squeezed you, getting your shirt a little damp in the process. But you didn't seem to mind. "I'm going to miss you."

Detailing and cleaning what used to be his dad's 1973 Bronco had become a way for him to relieve stress. He would get out the soap and turn on the hose when he needed a few minutes to himself. It was easier to be alone in his head, processing his thoughts and worries when he was washing the light blue masterpiece he'd spent so many years and a lot of money preserving. He always found himself in a better headspace to deal with whatever was troubling him when he spent some time with the Bronco. And today was no exception. 

"I'm going to miss you, too."

Sometimes it felt like the nearly five years you and he had been married were just spent alternating deployments. First he would be gone on an aircraft carrier for months on end, and then it would be your turn. You'd be sent abroad with the Navy before returning to him, and then the cycle would begin anew. Everything felt harder when you weren't around, and maybe that's why Bradley was out on the driveway right now instead of helping you pack for your early call time tomorrow morning. 

With your cheek pressed to his sternum, you cried softly. "It's only two months this time. And I'll have access to my phone. And I'll even be home in time for our anniversary. I don't know why I'm feeling so emotional about this."

He pressed his lips to your hair and whispered, "It's not like it gets any easier. You know that. I know that. It's going to feel like two months of hell on my end."

You sniffed hard then looked up at him with a little smirk. "At least you'll have the Bronco to keep you warm."

Bradley groaned and started to walk you backwards toward the house. "I mean, she's pretty and all, and I've definitely spent a night or two curled up around her gear shift, but I never gave her a diamond ring."

Your lips and your soft laughter against his neck sent a jolt of physical pleasure through his body, but he didn't want to rush this. He needed this to last, to hold him over for two months without your touch. Both of you tripped along to the bedroom where he smiled and whispered, "Let me show you that you're my number one girl. Let me prove you always will be."

Bradley was meticulous. He knew every inch of his Bronco, inside and out, but he knew you better. The sounds you made were prettier. The way you clung to him as he brought you pleasure was unparalleled. Your fingers laced with his as he connected his body with yours in the most intimate way, and it left him breathless.

"I love you."

-----------------------

Two days. He'd only been alone for two days, and he was already halfway through binge watching a season of a show that wasn't even that interesting. When he got home from work, he eyed up the couch and TV before ultimately changing into some sweats and heading back out to the driveway. He looked over the Bronco from hood to taillights, making a mental list of what she needed: new wiper blades, two new tires, and an oil change.

When he took his phone out to order the parts from his favorite website, he must have typed something wrong. It rerouted him to a vintage Ford resale page that left him staring at a sage green 1975 Bronco in rough condition. Man, she was still pretty though, with her original chrome and hubcaps. She was just an hour away, and the price wasn't too bad...

He glanced up at the blue gem in front of him. An idea started to take shape. He wondered how you would feel about it. With a smile, he ordered the wiper blades and oil filter that he needed and went inside to make dinner. But he couldn't stop picturing that chipped, green paint, and the vinyl that needed to be patched. 

If he knew he could get you hooked on a Bronco of your very own, he'd make this purchase. Two months to go. Shit, he might have just enough time to pull this off. He could practically picture you cranking the engine to life and waving goodbye as you pulled out of the driveway and took your Bronco for a spin. He wouldn't be able to say it with a straight face, but he'd say it anyway. "You love that thing more than you love me, Baby."

When he was stretched out on your side of the bed later that night, enveloped in your sweet scent that clung to the pillows, he closed his eyes and thought long and hard about what he wanted to do. It would be fun to prove to you once and for all where his loyalties lie. Or maybe it could just be a project that would keep him busy, and if you didn't like the idea, he could resell it after you got home. Either way, he drifted to sleep as he thought about you behind the wheel, and he knew it was too perfect to pass up.

----------------------

"Hey, Baby," Bradley said with a smirk as he answered his phone.

"Bradley! I miss you like crazy!"

"I miss you, too," he promised as he looked at the rather beat up, green Bronco before him. He got it for a great price when he offered to pay cash, and the tow truck just dropped it off a few days ago. Half of the engine was taken apart on a tarp at his feet, and it was currently jacked up so he could replace the oil pan. But he thought it was gorgeous. "I have a little surprise for you when you get home."

"A surprise?! Tell me. You know I can't wait that long."

"Nah," he said, kneeling down to check the wiring for the headlights. "I think I'll make you wait this one out."

"Rooster!"

"What?" he laughed, wedging the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he slipped his work gloves on and pulled at the loose wire. "You know, this is what you get for always giving me a hard time about my dad's Bronco. I love you so much, Baby, I'll make you wait for the surprise. It'll be sweeter that way."

"You're the worst," you groaned playfully. "Now I'll be thinking about what it could possibly be the whole time I'm gone. I'll be wondering what you have up your sleeve."

"As long as you're thinking about me, I'm happy," he rasped, and your pretty sigh in response left him a little breathless.

"I'm always thinking about you. Promise me as soon as I get back, we'll go for a long drive? Up along the coast? Late at night?"

He loved that idea. It would just look a little different than you were probably imagining if he could get this thing up and running again in time for your return. "We'll make a night of it," he promised. "I'll pack some blankets, and we can sit in the back and look out at the ocean. Can't guarantee I'll be able to keep my hands to myself though."

"Mmm. That's what I'm counting on."

----------------------

After about two weeks of watching a lot of YouTube videos posted by professionals, Bradley finally had the engine rebuilt. He was just waiting for some parts to arrive before he could put it back in place. "You're a needy one, aren't you?" he asked the green Bronco. "Nothing like her. She's a saint." He nodded his head toward the blue one before kneeling to replace the taillights. 

He was quickly realizing that the money he saved on the cost of the actual vehicle was being eaten up in the expensive, vintage parts. He was lucky he knew how to do most of this himself, even if it took twice as long. Today he was replacing the brakes and listening to a Motown playlist, and he fully realized that he felt calmest when he was with you or a Bronco. He snorted at how ridiculous that fact was as he scooted under the vehicle, but it was true. And having you tucked away in the back with the tailgate dropped, all wrapped up in a blanket while you turned him on just by existing.... well, that's when he would be happiest of all.

As the weeks wore on and the project progressed, the day finally arrived when it was time to try to start her up and take her for a little drive. Everything smelled like new rubber from the tires he'd just put on. The vinyl seats were still in bad shape, but when he slipped the key into the ignition and turned it, the engine purred to life.

Bradley's head tipped back as he groaned softly. "So fucking pretty. My god." He tapped the accelerator gently with his foot, enjoying the rev of the engine. He smoothed his hands along the steering wheel and the dashboard before he adjusted the rear view mirror to accommodate his height. Then he flicked the chrome switch and turned on the radio which he was surprised still worked.

My Girl by the Temptations poured from the speakers as the station crackled to life, and that felt like a very good sign. "Let's get out of here, Sweetheart," he whispered before shifting into reverse and leaving the driveway and his toolbox behind.

She was smooth and steady and everything he was hoping for. Would it ever fully compete with Goose's Bronco? Probably not. Was it worth the investment anyway? He'd find out next week when you got home. There were just a few things left to do before he dropped it off to be repainted and have the interior patched, and then she'd be good as new.

Bradley's phone rang in his pocket, and he smiled when he saw it was you. "Hey, Baby."

"Bradley! I miss you so much. I swear, if this thing was longer than two months, I wouldn't make it. What are you up to?"

"Oh, I'm just out for a little drive."

--------------------------

After eight weeks of nothing more than a few scant phone calls, Bradley was more than ready to have you home again. Maybe you and he could take a few days off from work. He'd help you catch up on some sleep after initially keeping you up all night. He already had some blankets ready to go as soon as you said you wanted to drive up to Carlsbad and watch the surfers at sunset before making love in the back of your Bronco.

Your Bronco. His wife's Bronco. It would take some getting used to, but it already made him smile every time he thought about it. With his hands on that familiar steering wheel, he drove toward the Naval base where both of you spent so much of your time. He waited, leaning against the light blue hood until you came running toward him in your uniform with your bags.

"Bradley!" you shrieked as you landed in his arms where you belonged. 

"I missed you," he promised, finally kissing your lips again after so many weeks. He felt your bag hit his foot, and he smiled as he tilted your face up for better access to your mouth.

"I missed you, too," you moaned softly, and he was already making the move to get you back home and remind you what you meant to him. But you dug your feet in outside the passenger door. 

"Where's my surprise?" you asked as you tucked your fingers into the top of his jeans and grinned up at him. "I've been thinking about it nonstop. Is it you?"

"No," he replied with a chuckle as his gaze drifted toward the Bronco. "You'll see soon enough."

You glanced at where he was looking, and you rolled your eyes before kissing his chin. "Did she keep you company while I was gone? She looks pristine, like you spend some time working on her."

Bradley kissed your forehead. "Just get in, Baby," he rasped. "The sooner we get home, the sooner your little surprise will make sense."

He knew the routine by heart now. The short ride home would start out with you holding his right hand and playing with his fingers while he drove. Then your hand would migrate to his thigh when the Bronco was about five blocks away. Then as soon as the tires touched the driveway, you'd unbuckle your seatbelt and make your way over to his lap.

The routine was important to him. He loved it. He loved taking you inside and directly to bed before coming back out much later to get the bags. He thrived on the return to normal life that was triggered by the routine. But today, he knew you weren't going to end up on his lap, and that was more than okay.

When your hand settled on his thigh exactly five blocks away from home, Bradley smiled. Your fingers crept up inch by inch as you leaned closer and whispered in his ear that you had their fifth wedding anniversary all planned out for the following weekend. You were playing with the zipper of his jeans by the time he could see the house, and he just waited for it. He was not disappointed.

"What the fuck is that?" you gasped, both hands going to the dashboard in front of you as you leaned to check out the freshly painted green Bronco as he coasted into the driveway. "Bradley?" you asked, glancing at him with wide eyes as he shifted into park.

He smiled and leaned over to kiss your softly parted lips. "This is your surprise. You're always joking about how much I love my Bronco, but I'll never love anything more than I love you."

You pressed your lips to his once before pulling away, shaking your head slightly. "So you got me one of my own?" you asked, jerking your thumb toward the green one.

He nodded and pulled his key from the ignition before pressing it into your palm. "Yep. She's all yours."

"Wait," you whispered, your brow creasing in confusion as you looked down at your hand. "This is your key."

"No, it's your key. The key to the green one is in the house. That's my key."

You gaped at him as your eyebrows shot upwards. "You're giving me your Bronco?"

"Yep."

"But," you whispered, turning to look out the window, "I can drive the other one."

"No, I bought the green one with myself in mind," he replied, taking your chin gently in his hand so you were looking at him again. "This one's better. She's sweet. Like you. She's yours."

"Oh my god, Bradley."

He was wrong; you did end up in his lap. Right where you belonged. His hands settled at your hips as you kissed every inch of his face while he laughed.

"I want to take her for a spin," you whispered, nudging him out of the driver's seat with your knee. "Go."

He smiled as he walked around to the passenger side of the blue Bronco, and he barely had the door closed before you started the engine and shifted into gear. "Pretty soon you'll love this thing more than you love me, Baby."

---------------------------

He gave you his Bronco. The green one was for him. That's how you know he loves you. I hope they do some nasty shit in the green one to break it in. Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls

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[spiderb00]

REST IN ME

Anora x reader 

“After everything Ani has been through, the universe has finally given her the peace she has always wanted, you.” 

Genre – Fluff       Warnings – Just comfort, my poor girl has suffered enough 

Now playing – Stargazing, by The Neighbourhood 

Anora was awakened by the rays of sunlight that came in through the half-open curtain. It was only seven in the morning, she didn't want to wake up so early, but just not having to wake up with the noises of the train passing practically inside her old house, she was already happy.  

Turning over on the bed, she reached for you, despite the sun streaming in through the window, she was starting to get cold now that you were no longer there to warm her up. She picked up the phone on the bedside table, looking at the time and sighing, where had you gone so soon? 

Ani had known you a two and a half years ago now, you and she met after all the traumatic experience she went through with Vanya. It took a long time for her to trust you after everything that rich jerk did to her, but at some point, she just accepted that she was falling in love with you. At the beginning of your relationship, she was extremely suspicious, always thinking that everything you did for her was an exchange, something dirty that hovered in her mind.  

All of these thoughts stopped after you confronted her, telling her that you understood all the traumas and that you loved her, but you wouldn't continue in a relationship where she didn't feel totally comfortable with you. After that, everything changed, she told you everything, her wishes, her dreams, her achievements, the bad things and the good things. When you asked her if she missed something, the only thing she said was "It was nice to be a trophy wife for a few days." 

So it was done, you weren't as rich as Vanya, but you could give everything Ani wanted. You worked in the real estate business from a very young age, following in your father's footsteps, the older man had left many teachings for you before leaving, and you managed to make good use of everything.  

Ani is the woman of your life, you knew how hard that girl had worked practically her entire life, and you were more than happy to give her everything she wanted. A house in a posh neighborhood? it was hers. A car? it was hers. Expensive trips? she had. Marriage and children? You were working on it. 

In the midst of all this, Ani understood that there was a big difference about how Vanya treated her and how you treated her. She didn't want to make comparisons, but at one point, it was simply impossible to say that she had the same trophy wife experience with the two of you. Despite the expensive gifts and without doing any work, Ani understood that having sex and watching that spoiled idiot play video games was not very well the definition of a trophy wife. 

 You adored Ani, you would lick the floor she walked on if she asked you to, you were devoted to her. Money wasn't the only thing that made Ani look powerful, you made her look that way. Ani had one certainty with you, you were in love with her, you loved her above all, you would do anything for her. 

In the little things, all the little gestures and attitudes were what made Ani sure that you loved her deeply, the peace and tranquility of being loved that she had never received from anyone before, the calm and peace of knowing that you would solve any problem, as an adult.  

Going downstairs, Ani saw your dog lying in the living room, near the couch. Nico had been rescued by you in an alley, while you were going to visit Ani at her old house. You took him along with you to the date you and she would have that day, it was kind of a pretext for Ani to finally come and live with you. 

You and Ani were sitting on the towel, the little ball of fur lying on your girlfriend's lap, his little eyes closing with the caresses she made on his head.  

"Hey, if I knew you would steal my girlfriend's attention I wouldn't have brought you." You said, a whisper loud enough for Ani to hear and let a giggle escape, lightly pushing your shoulders.  

"Stop, it's not his fault that he's cuter than you." Hearing her words, you threw yourself back, your back resting on the thin fabric, which made you feel the grass beneath it.  

"Ouch, I'm dying! Please someone help me, this beautiful woman just stabbed my heart!" You said, a little too loud, making Ani turn towards you and cover your mouth, still giggling at your childish behavior. 

"Shut up, you idiot, do you want everyone to listen to your little drama?" Ani watched your eyes widen and then you tried to scream again.  

Your muffled words could be heard only by Ani, who still had her hand against your mouth, to prevent a scene. Seeing that you had finally finished with your little theater, she let you go, instantly seeing the big smile on your face.  

"You're so stupid." The brunette said, rolling her eyes as she tried to hide a laugh.  

"And you're very BORING!" You shouted the last part, taking Ani – by surprise – by the shoulders and making her lie down next to you. 

Unable to hide her laughter this time, the woman laughed out loud, making the little puppy jump between you and bark. With your attention focused on the little puppy, you supported your weight on one of your elbows, turning to your girlfriend and placing the puppy between the bodies of the two of you. 

 "So, do you have a name suggestion?" You asked, petting the puppy, who was now lying on his back, one of his paws moving when you scratched in the right place. 

"How about Nico?" The brunette said, something in the way she said it made you think she had been plotting this for a while.  

"I like it. But why Nico?" You asked, seeing if you could get something out of the beautiful brunette. 

 "It's just... A junction." Ani said, more shy than usual.  

"Work it out, baby." Her eyes were beautiful in the light of the sunset.  

"You know, my name is Ani, and people call you Conrad, I just thought, it might be kind of silly..." She looked away. 

Some people close to you called you Conrad, it was your father's last name, and you didn't mind carrying it around a little from time to time.  

"I loved it." You said, taking a strand of hair that fell in front of the brunette's face. You loved the little sparkles in her hair, it was so Anora.  "That's it, Nico. I loved it." You said, approaching and kissing Ani. 

Your lips glued to hers for a few seconds, before you pulled away to play with Nico, who was biting your shirt. If you looked twice, you would see the adoring look that Ani had for you. Anora had never said "I love you" to you, but at that moment, she was stuck, that's all she wanted to say. The fear of being scorned once again held him in her tongue, but it didn't take more than a week for her to say it out loud, jumping with happiness when you gave her the key to the apartment of the two of you. 

Petting the dog's ears - who was now grown up - Ani heard the door open, looking in the direction of the sound and seeing you enter with a multitude of bags in your hands.  

"Hey, are you awake?!" You said, leaving the bags on the kitchen counter and running to the couch to talk to your girlfriend. 

 Leaning in slightly, you kissed Ani's lips lovingly, sitting next to her and petting Nico before taking off your running shoes.  

"I can't sleep when you're not there to warm me up." The brunette said, pulling your compression shirt so that you leaned completely against the couch. 

"Where have you gone, baby? Why so many bags?" Ani asked, snuggling on your chest, when you finished taking off your shoes.  

"Well, I went for a run to the gym and then stopped by the supermarket to buy some ingredients for dinner with my parents." You said, kissing Ani's forehead, making the woman raise her head, your kisses going down to her nose and finally leaving a little seal on her lips. 

 Anora adored your parents, and your parents adored her. Ani was very happy when everything went well, she was very nervous before meeting your mother and stepfather. You had a good relationship with your mother's current husband, he took care of you from the age of fifteen until now, and you are grateful for everything he does for you, and if you were happy, Ani was happy. 

"I'm going to make your favorite." You said, kissing the woman's lips once more. God, you didn't want to let go of her ever again.  

"I love you." Ani's eyes looked directly at yours, you felt like you were in the clouds every time she looked at you like that.  

"I love you more." You joined your lips with hers, a calm kiss full of love. The hearts of both of you beating hard in your chest, the burning love and the flame that never went out creating more strength within you. Every moment like this was like a reminder to Anora, a message that she would never be alone again, that she had you forever. 

"I think we have to enjoy it a lot before we have company in the house." the woman said, her hands trying to take off your compression shirt. 

 "You don't even want to eat breakfast?" You asked, knowing the answer your future wife would give.  

"You're my breakfast." Ani said, kissing your neck and jaw, whimpering like a child when she couldn't take off your shirt as she wanted.  

"Anora, you're going to be the death of me." She smiled. Amazingly, she never felt bothered that you called her by her real name, sometimes even preferring it more than when you called her Ani. "Shower?"  

"Let's start the day, baby." 

Hi guys, how are you? I hope everyone is well.

 This is a little different from what I usually write around here, but I've been obsessed with Mikey since scream 5, so when I saw her in Anora my crush for her ignited again (she never went out).

I needed to write about her, I wanted to write something for Mikey too, in the same style, something fluff, but anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. 

Drink water, stay safe and go watch Anora!

xoxo, spider.

[jjenthusee]

Handshakes And Trash Cans

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

a/n: simply, i wrote a lot and i didn’t wanna release it in parts, so i squeezed the entire fic here. I’ve been having fun writing small excerpts and then they turn into full fics. Jason deserves all the love, so i focused on a neighbors to lovers? No mention of vigilante stuff, but tons of domesticity. With some mentions of big brother Dick (i’m a firm believer that he’s the number one supporter of Jason and just wants the best for him), a bit of steaminess if u squint, and a very devoted Jason. leave me any comments if your comfortable sharing because i wanna know what u guys think XD and if you were crying screaming sliding down the wall like i was (also despite me still being in my repenting era, i wanted to release this as an early apology cause i wanna write another angsty drabble so maybe…maybe not look forward to that) ENJOY (link to the work before this one here)

word count: 7.1k

tags: pining, tons of fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, heartfelt confessions, big brother dick shenanigans

When you got your first two-bedroom apartment, you always thought the dream would only be possible with a roommate. You didn’t have much money during college and transitioning into a full-time job didn’t allow you to freely spend outside of necessities and rent.

But you did it. You got two bedrooms and you didn’t initially know what to do with the extra room. A hobby space, a library, a guest room, or an office? There were too many possibilities.

This was your space, so you combined it all. A basket to keep all of your current craft obsessions next to a bean bag, two full shelves of books from your childhood to your university years, and a desk in the corner to write. It was everything you hoped for. A spot to leave work out of, to decompress and remember the things that made you happy.

You were proud you did it on your own. You could enjoy solitude, your hard work and give time to prioritize yourself.

But an unexpected accomplishment came with an unexpected visitor. A handsome visitor no less. Maybe being an adult wasn’t so bad all the time.

…

But meeting new people was bad. Or you were bad at it.

When you were up at two in the morning, doing normal two a.m. activities like trying to turn your entire life around, you believed that dragging yourself to one of the community events at the apartment complex would help you get to know your neighbors. Then you could scope the scene to see if you wanted to hide forever or maybe have a friendly acquaintance you acknowledged in the hallway.

Now you wanted neither as you sat, alone, at a bar stool in the well decorated community balcony. Although you were distancing yourself from the main party, you couldn’t help admiring the string lights they hung up, the pristine décor, and new furniture. They clearly went through a grand renovation before you moved in.

Despite your need to socially decompress from all the small talk, you did feel mellow in the warm lighting, listening to the slow music you quietly hummed to.

The view was great from your table, you got to see from the edge of the balcony into the city view. Gotham City did have its moments and lots of outsiders tend to see all the bad that overruns it, but when the city is calm, it has its own virtue.

As you watched the sky line, a man also decided to join in, admiring the city lights. He stood farther from where you sat, leaning against the glass and steel railing. He was probably distancing himself from the party like you were. You could only see half of his face from your current angle and distance, but he was…charming. Broody and charming.

Gotham did have the best views, but staring was bad. A little bit of hope crept into your mind at the thought of a handsome neighbor living in the same apartment building.

Another pretty man joined him. Wow, you never realized that Gotham had a lot of great views. Maybe you needed to get out more, enjoy the scenery a bit.

The two beautiful men seemed to know each other. One more talkative than the other, but they seemed close. It was amusing watching the way they contrasted one another, a man clearly dragged to be here tonight and the other fueling himself with the night vibe.

As much as you wanted to continue to be nosy, maybe it was time to call it a night, it was late and you got enough of your pretty boy fill for the evening. Which would have been the plan if you didn’t make eye contact with the second model that blessed your eyes.

You nervously observed the charismatic man walking toward you with a bright friendly smile.

“Hello, I just wanted to ask if my brother—the tall very alone one standing over there—could be tall and very alone over here, in this seat.” He dragged the stool out from underneath the glass table you were resting your arms on.

You looked at the empty seat across from you, then glanced at his presumed brother you were staring at earlier. He clearly didn’t agree to this sudden turn of events as he watched the two of you talk and he looked more mortified than you were. It was…cute. It brought a smile to your face.

“Well, your tall and very alone brother looks scared of me.” You glanced back to the man still holding the chair out.

Your comment must have been hysterical at the way the man was almost leaning forward from laughing. His dimples fully visible and his hair falling forward. Everything he did looked stunning.

“I promise he’s friendlier than he looks.” He breathlessly held his stomach still amused at your first impression of his broody brother. “He’s tall, alone, and friendly if it helps.”

You thought for a moment, debating on your options: leave or sit with a handsome man in possibly awkward silence.

“I don’t mind being alone together.” You smiled more, giving into the curiosity of the man leaning against the railing.

You were a simple human and apparently the man in front of you was too when he ushered his brother over. A man much too large for the bar stool, but you got a good look at his full face.

The curls, defined dark eyebrows, a white streak. His face had definition, a particular beauty that differed from his brother. Not less beautiful, but you were more drawn to the rougher look.

You definitely made the right choice.

Before you had any time to say anything, the conspirator left to go mingle with another bunch of attendees. You watched him hop from one conversation to another, you didn’t know whether he knew them or he just met them like you had five seconds ago.

“I think social anxiety is scared of him.” You laughed in disbelief to your new companion.

“Trust me, you have no idea. I’ve seen him wear some of the most horrendous outfits in public, willingly. What’s worse is—I hate to admit it—but he can pull it off, in a horrifying way.” The stranger shook his head, no mortification in his voice, and you almost unconsciously lulled to the sound. “But he means well, uh, sorry he dragged you into whatever he’s planning. I could leave you alone, he tends to unintentionally be pushy.”

Oh? Broody, charming and thoughtful. Was the bar low or were you easily impressed? Maybe the husky voice is blurring the distinction.

“No, it’s okay, he seemed worried about both us being ‘very alone’ as he put it.” You spoke, glancing into the eyes of the man in front of you. Greenish blue. A wave of amusement washed over you and with the most serious expression you could muster, you decided to test the waters. “From one alone person to another, let’s be alone together.” You reached out your hand to introduce yourself.

He coyly smiled at your formal gesture, leaning in to mimic your movement. You were both leaning onto the glass table, close enough to see the slight scaring on his face. Faint enough to see them only if you were close enough, wanting to drag your thumb across them.

His warm hand engulfed yours. Calloused. A firm handshake.

“Jason, alone man, and been alone for twenty-one years.” Jason gave you the most breathtaking smile, never letting go of your hand. “I’m looking forward to this opportunity…alone, of course.”

You laughed, almost giggled from how charming this man was.

“It’s been twenty-three alone years and still counting.” You mischievously smirked, glad he joined in on your antics. “I’m glad to let you join the team. I expect great things from you.”

“And I hope to learn a lot from my superiors, I’ll be in your care.” Jason’s voice was so low at the end of his statement. It caught you off guard that you almost missed the way he held onto your hand just a tiny bit longer than you anticipated. So short that you felt like you imagined it.

The warmth still lingered on your hands after you let go.

You were so engrossed in Jason’s company and Jason only had the eyes to look at you, that neither of you could see the man, who schemed your interaction, was beaming from watching the connection spark.

…

That single handshake and nonchalant agreement that you shared with an unknown neighbor actually kept it’s promise. That evening, you found out that Jason lived on the same floor as you did, that his brother visited him a lot, and he took out the trash on Wednesdays.

He didn’t tell you the last one, but you found out the last bit of information by accident when you bumped into him on your way back from the trash room. You thought the evening you met Jason would be the first and last time you would see him, but your laziness prevented you from taking out the garbage on your designated day and you were graced with seeing his lopsided smile as you passed him in the hallway.

You were so giddy from the surprise and seeing Jason’s captivating smile, you tested your luck and took the trash out on the same day and time the following week.

You listened out in the hallway, trying to hear a door open, it was honestly crazy behavior, but you continued your slow pace, but with no tall alone man in sight and a defeated sigh, you walked to the trash room with no Jason by your side and swung the door open.

Like a beam of light cascading over you, the man in question was standing in front of you, opening the trash shoot. You never thought a man in a trash room would be sexy, but with his shirt tightly straining on his body, a flushed face, and his muscles eye level with you, anything was possible.

May whoever told this gorgeous man to live at this apartment complex eat delicious meals, have working phone chargers, and a lifetime of happiness.

Somewhere off in the far distance, Dick sneezed.

You almost forgot the reason you were in the trash room after you set your eyes on Jason’s post-workout state. He kept the shoot open for you and with unsteady steps you threw your trash bag to disappear to the unknown. You were trying to not trip up with Jason’s defined arm holding the handle open and the close proximity of his chest to your face.

Maybe you need to go on a run. Why were you acting like this right now?

“Hey, neighbor.” Jason casually spoke to you. His voice felt airy, probably winding down from the exercise. “You come around here often?”

You cleared your mind from any thoughts, the trash room was not the place to start flirting, but what were you supposed to do when Jason started it? Or what you assumed to be flirtatious conversation.

“Nah, I’m new to town.” You glanced over to him, leaning your neck back to grasp his full height. Jason hadn’t missed the movement, combing your collarbone with his gaze. “But, I might stay a while.” You melodically spoke.

Before your stare and voice settled in the air, you stepped to the side to add a little distance between the two of you. Pulling away from the tension.

“Just so I can continue my alone things.” You explained trying to smoothen the mood with a playful tone.

Jason stayed quiet like he was contemplating something in his mind. Then he let the trash shoot close and with small steps the both of you walked out into the hallway.

“What alone things do you have planned tomorrow?” Jason nonchalantly asked, so casually you almost thought you heard wrong.

“Uh, work in the morning, but nothing planned for the evening, I wanted to try out a new cookie recipe.”

“Do you wanna come over to my place—I wanted to cook something for dinner, but it just hasn’t worked out yet. Maybe you can bring those cookies?” Jason didn’t look at you, suddenly interested in the pure white walls of the hallway. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

You were stunned. How was such a beautiful man asking you to come over to his place with the promise of him cooking you dinner and all you had to do was bring your shitty cookies?

“I want to warn you that my cookies aren’t award worthy. I just follow the recipe, they’re nothing special.” You wanted to ensure that Jason was really inviting you over.

“Then I can’t wait to try your ‘nothing special’ cookies.” He reassured.

…

You spent the entire afternoon making sure your measurements were precise, not a lump of flour above the rim of the measuring utensils you haven’t brought out in a while. Usually you winged the ingredients, not really worried about the quality too much since it was just you.

But now you wanted to cry.

How did you properly fold ingredients, were you whisking right, maybe you should’ve got the too expensive butter from the store?

It took three full hours to prep, bake, and try your hand at cutely packaging the cookies. It took four attempts to arrange the cookies in a way that didn’t make you want to cancel the dinner.

But after a few pep talks in the mirror and reassuring yourself that this was a hang out and not a date, then you were able to walk over to his unit number.

You hesitantly knocked on the door, five minutes after seven because you would torture yourself thinking about arriving right on the dot before you fell asleep tonight and every night after.

Your worries left your mind when you saw Jason open the door in an apron.

“You’re just in time, I’m ready to plate everything.” He beamed.

Your heart might not be able to survive tonight. But it was just dinner.

You awkwardly handed Jason your tin of homemade cookies. You tried to limit your snooping around his apartment when he told you to wait for him to get the drinks, but curiosity was coursing through you once you realized that you were being invited into a part of Jason’s life and home.

You were no longer going to be strangers. You didn’t know if this qualified to make you friends, but you knew you were two people about to eat dinner together. A dinner he made and cookies you made as thanks.

Once you were ready to eat, you stared at your plate filled with spices, fresh veggies, a meticulously cooked entrée and a…homemade lemonade? You stared up at Jason, watching you look at his food.

“I feel like bringing you cookies isn’t enough.” Although you felt guilty, you took a bite because you didn’t want to look at one more second of Jason’s shining eyes.

You could only sigh, which made Jason worry.

“I think I’m going to name my children after you.”

Jason chuckled at your exaggeration.

“I’d be honored.”

The rest of the meal was relaxing. You didn’t have to force yourself around Jason. Your conversation flowed easily and you were interested in learning about the man you met on the balcony.

…

After many trips to the other side of the apartment building and a couple of deep cleanings of your apartment, you got accustomed to having Jason walk around your kitchen, rummaging the cabinets and organizing your spices the way he likes it.

One shared meal after another. Sometimes several times a week or spaced out further when work got busy. It was nice to look forward to a meal with Jason.

Now you had text messages from him on your phone, a designated mug for him, and a couple of his snacks that he wanted you to try.

You traded recipes. Jason gave you his favorites and you mainly just gave him ones you were curious about, not very fond of your kitchen.

After several failed attempts at convincing him that it was your kitchen that was the problem and not your ability to cook, he came over more to prove you wrong.

Now you sat at your kitchen island to watch him concentrate on mixing an assortment of spices and herbs while you memorized as much of his face and hands as possible. The TV was on, but you had no interest in whatever movie played.

“I have a confession to make.” You sadly looked at Jason.

He glanced over from the pan on the stove to your face. Confusion in his eyes from your sudden change in tone.

“I actually don’t really like cookies.” You threw your hands up in a guilty pose. “Now it’s eating me inside that I had to give those to you when I first came over to your place.”

Jason hummed and tilted his head with one of his eyebrows raised in a teasing manner.

“So, the guilt finally got to you, huh?” He grinned moving his attention back to the food cooking in front of him. His nonchalant voice resonating around you.

“I can’t sleep at night anymore.” You exaggerated, walking a little closer to his side. “Well, once you became my personal chef I realized I had to make it up to you.” You could smell the food better now that you were standing next to Jason.

“I can see the guilt in your eyes.” He flatly said watching you eyeing the food.

“We always eat when we hang out and I can make simple foods, but if I can follow a recipe I was going to suggest if I should cook something, but you are also here to prove me wrong that my kitchen isn’t cursed. Which it is by the way—”

“Your kitchen is not cursed.” He warmly scolded you. “I’ll come over everyday to prove it if I have to.”

You always had to reset your brain when he used that tone with you. It just felt too…sincere. Too intimate.

You wanted him to come over everyday. You took a breath.

“I make more money than when I was still in college, but I don’t think I can afford that many grocery bills.” You teased him. “Why do you think I go over to your place?”

You wanted to evade any serious topics and humor was the best at evading. You were good at avoidance.

“So, I’m a free pantry to you?” His eyebrows rose, questioning you. “I knew you were using me!” He faked a flabbergasted voice like he just heard his life-long partner declare they were cheating on him for months.

He turned off the stove, covering the pan with the lid and turning to face you.

“I didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened.” You gave him your best dejected look. “I promise I’ll pick up more shifts to help restock your fridge, but let me just taste your homemade ravioli one last time.” You begged as he moved closer to you, closing you in with the kitchen island behind your back.

His height and broad shoulders easily caved you in. You gulped watching his face lean down and inch closer.

“If I can’t trust you with my fridge, you don’t deserve my ravioli.” He lowered his voice, gazing down at you with a look that made you breathless. You couldn’t move with the counter behind you and Jason hovering dangerously close to you. “But, you can make it up to me.” He brought his thumb to your chin, barely a wisp of touch.

“How?” You stammered, wondering if the bit was still going.

“Let’s go to the farmer’s market tomorrow.” His hand moved from your face to the edge of the counter, close enough to touch your side and his voice returning to normal, but he didn’t pull away.

“Okay, uh, I’m off tomorrow.” You stared, darting your eyes between Jason’s eyes. Trying to adjust to the tension that was radiating off of him.

“Good, foods ready.” Jason pulled away, moving to the cabinet to grab your glass plates. He was too familiar with the layout of your kitchen.

That night you quickly learned how easy Jason was able to turn the tables. Your racing heart and shallow breathing were the only evidence of it ever happening.

…

The heat beat down on you. Of all days for Gotham to finally clear it’s clouds, it chose today.

Although you weren’t fond of the warm air, you liked watching all the colorful tents, the food on display, and seeing the various local products. Everything looked intricately cared for and it brought a proud feeling to contribute to the locals.

“Bags?” Jason asked, going through his mental checklist.

“Check.” You raised the reusable grocery bags in your hands.

“Hats?”

“Check.” You nudged the baseball cap on your head.

“Money?” Jason smirked.

You grabbed onto Jason’s bicep. Giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Check.” You grinned up at Jason looking at the placement of your hand. “Now let’s go!” You gleefully led him to the first tent with your hand still on him.

You had no idea how you ended up carrying all the bags, but you were trying to ease your mind that this could be considered a date. Jason didn’t call it that and you never asked to clarify, but you couldn’t help it itching at your brain.

You didn’t want to label anything, out of respect for Jason and what he wanted, but you noticed he had started to touch you more and the contact makes you giddy that you had to put all of your focus on making sure you don’t drop his produce.

You stood by Jason, looking at various jars of loose leaf tea. He was smelling all the aromas, helping to move the jars to your nose, so you could smell them too. He insisted on helping you since you refused to give him a bag, but you also didn’t have a free hand to grab the jar.

After a couple more sniff tests, he settled on a jar of prickly pear tea, a lemon-ginger flavor, and he was contemplating on some earl grey cookies. You were watching him, entranced by his concentration. His brows lowered, a small line appearing between his brows. You could see more of his face with a cap on, no messy curls on his forehead and his side profile was really something.

You broke out of your trance when he offered you a piece of the earl-grey cookie, holding it in front of your mouth.

“They’re free samples, try it.” He looked at you, waiting patiently. “I know you don’t like cookies, but these are made with the tea sold here. I saw all the tea you keep in your pantry, so I think you would like it.”

In your lost state at this man in front of you, that could’ve sounded like a proposal to you at that point.

You inched forward, opening your mouth for the cookie. You hesitated at the intimacy, but how could you tell that face ‘no.’ Staring at the small piece of cookie, baked a quarter of the original size they sold, you also saw all the scars that littered Jason’s hands. Many healed over, but you could see the faded lines.

You dangerously wanted to kiss each one.

You grabbed the piece in your mouth, but you didn’t realize that you accidentally touched Jason’s finger with your lip.

You quickly glanced at Jason, but his eyes were glossed over. His attention focused on your mouth.

What a sight.

You chewed and hummed. They were good. Jason cleared his throat at your approval.

“I’ll get a bag and the tea. I’ll be back. You can put the bags down for a bit because there’s a small line.” He quickly turned around, a small tinge of redness left on his ears with his head turned away from you.

You watched his back walk away, then settled the bags down to give your arms a break.

“Excuse me, I just wanted to tell you that you two are adorable.” A honeyed voice spoke trying to grab your attention.

Your head whipped back to the table of teas. An older lady restocking the various collection had a mischievous look in her eye. You hadn’t noticed her there at all.

“The way your boyfriend looks at you, I haven’t seen a look like that since my husband passed many years ago.” The lady gushed.

“Wha, no, I—“ You stammered, trying to clear up the confusion, but your flustered face must’ve amused the woman.

“That made my day, so I wanted to give you this lemon bar we just started selling. Go on, take it and share it with him.” She pressured you to take the free treat. You were too speechless to try to refuse it and insist that you pay before she placed it in your hand herself and she walked off to help another customer wanting a sample.

Your face felt hot and you hoped it cleared before Jason came back, but before you could fan the redness away he appeared next to you with his purchase.

“Hey, you okay? Where’d you get that lemon—”

“Let’s get some lunch!” You grabbed the bags and nudged him to the food trucks lining the edge of the market, trying to hide your face with your hat and leaving the comments from the woman behind.

…

“Wow, this might be the best empanada I’ve ever had.” You chomped at your lunch.

Jason found a waffle place and settled on a berry topping. It was wrapped perfectly to fit in his hands.

You sat across from Jason at an outdoor table with an umbrella to shield you from the sun, sitting away from the rush of people lining up to also eat. The midday lunch rush got to you and you wanted to have a bit of privacy before you went back home.

“How long have you known about this place?” You asked Jason, a slight breeze grazing your face. Watching a kid nudging his dad for a piece of banana bread he found on one of the vendor’s tables.

“Last year? It was recent, but I’ve heard it’s been around for a while. Maybe over five years?” Jason took a bite of his waffle.

“I wish I had found this during my university years. This is a bit out of the way of my walk route, but it would’ve been awesome to browse with my friend.” You saw the boy you were watching earlier smiling wide as he held his dad’s hand and the banana loaf as big as his head. You smiled at the interaction.

“But I probably would’ve sent my friend into shock.” You continued, the boy and his dad disappearing into the crowd. “I wasn’t very social during my university years.” You glanced at Jason, his waffle gone and he was neatly folding the wrapper.

“My friend would joke that I would only meet someone if they magically met me at home. Like that was the only way I could score a date.” You pitifully joked at the old memory. “Sounds absurd doesn’t it, but she wasn’t wrong—“

You saw a shift in Jason’s eyes. He had an oddly serious look, it stopped you from talking and you sat up straighter, wondering what he was thinking about.

You waited, watching him internally fight with whatever he wanted to say.

“That’s not true.” He hesitated. “You’re funny, you’re able to connect with others, you’re a great listener, and you’re honest. You don’t have the heart to be mean to others and your facial expressions are adorable.” His voice rose the longer he defended you. His serious expression further amplified with his furrowed eyebrows. A part of his face obscured by his cap, but you felt the raw emotion emanating from him.

“Anyone would be enamored with you, even if they met you in the hallway or walking down the street.” He puffed, crushing the waffle paper on the table.

You were surprised, glancing over at Jason, watching him get this frustrated. You realized you’ve never seen him this…emotional and he refused to look at you.

The sudden development and his clear thoughts about you stunned you. You joked with Jason how alone you both were, it even brought you together thanks to his brother, but you didn’t really know how alone he truly was. You don’t think he really understood how lonely you were too.

You enjoyed your shared meals, you craved his time and attention.

You got so used to his presence that the days you didn’t see him, you felt like you were dreaming. Waiting to wake up when you heard that familiar knock on your door.

Your heart raced and you hoped he cherished your time together like you did.

You didn’t want to assume his witty personality as being flirtatious, you didn’t want to misunderstand any of his intentions because he was funny, charming, and awkward in ways that you just wanted to grab his face and protect him.

You didn’t particularly need Jason as your person, that felt too selfish, but you also wanted to be somebody to him. Either next to him or from a distance.

A friend, a companion, a lover. The label didn’t really matter to you because you were open to any role. A lover wasn’t more significant than a friend would be. They both had the same foundation, to care for someone unconditionally.

You convinced yourself that you were happy alone, but not until recently you realized you weren’t living. You were asleep in the routine of life.

And when Jason entered your life, you felt like you woke up for the first time.

Like he was the only one who could wake you up.

All you knew was that you wanted to be there. Through his pain, his suffering, his happiest moments, his accomplishments, his anger. To be his person.

To also help him wake up.

Your silent contemplation made Jason panic.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get worked up—“

“I think apartment community events count.” You softly whispered, indecisive of whether you wanted him to hear you or not.

“What—“

“And secret meetings in the trash room too.” Your voice meek.

You were shaking, too tense to look at his reaction to your words.

“Despite what she told me, I still managed to meet you. And I was able to have some of the best meals. I’ve never laughed as hard as I have when we joked. I’m able to try new things.” You raised your head, overwhelmed by your feelings, but you hoped to convey yourself properly to Jason. “I’ve never felt so comfortable and safe with anyone else.”

Jason looked at you wide eyed and speechless, his mouth slightly agape. You took the disbelief as a sign to continue.

“I’m able to be all those things that you said because I’m with you.” Your voice filled with more resolve the more concrete your feelings felt, the more sure you became. You squeezed your eyebrows together, complete sincerity in your gaze, your heart filled with so much emotion.

But your eyebrows relaxed once you saw Jason’s face turn red. His ears a crimson shade. Before you could engrave it in your memory, he tilted his head down, covering his face with the front of his baseball cap.

“Wait, wait, wait—I didn’t expect this.” Jason rubbed a hand down his face, but the redness contrasted the skin of his hand. “You were so shy every time I tried to push the boundaries between us, but now your directly confessing everything at once.”

He stopped rubbing his face and rested his hand on the table. Meeting your gaze, a tint of red still on his skin but not as deep as before.

“I’ve been trying to get closer to you. I’ve been hoping to run into you since we first talked on the balcony. When we met in the trash room, I purposely tried to meet you again. I’ve looked forward to every meal I’ve cooked for you and although I haven’t been clear about my feelings, I didn’t want to pressure or rush you.” Jason took a breath, closing his eyes for a moment.

When they opened again, his eyes were completely focused on you.

“I want us to be more than friends…I want to be able to come over when I miss you, fold laundry together, buy you things when they remind me of you, I want you to call me when you need car maintenance.” He kept his eyes trained on you, but his voice faltered. “I want to hold your hand and to kiss you. I want us to go on dates.”

You raised your hand to the table, placing your hand over Jason’s, but he quickly flipped your hands so he was holding yours a little more firmly.

“I want to know if you snore while you sleep, to have your things at my place, so I see you in every inch of my life. I want you to know how much I’ve fallen for you.”

“I want that too.” Your voice trembled. “I’ve been wanting to hold your hand while we walked today and I want you to come over more often.” You choked as Jason leaned in to caress your face with his hand. A sickening sweet touch that you never knew you would get to feel. You cupped your hand over his.

“I’m so happy. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while.” Jason whispered to you, his voice so honey sweet.

You looked up to him. A gentle gaze reflecting back.

“I probably look like a mess right now.” You shakily laughed.

“Of course not, you’re breathtaking, sweetheart.” Jason rubbed a thumb on your cheek, completely enamored by you.

“As much as I would love to hear you continue, I’m worried about the stuff you bought and this heat.” You tried to focus, but the smooth touch of Jason was difficult to ignore.

“Yeah, we probably need to make our way back.”

Despite his words, he didn’t move. He lingered on your face a while longer before he looked at all the bags he accumulated this morning.

“Will you let me help you carry some of the bags?” He asked. “I also want to hold your hand on the way back.”

You beamed at him. Reaching for his hand as you stood up.

…

Your walk back was refreshing.

You were exhausted from the intense flux of emotions you released, but Jason’s grip on your hand stabilized you.

You couldn’t stop smiling, the heat no longer bothering you. You swung your interlaced hands to the motion of your steps and Jason let you do what you wanted as long as you still held on.

When you got to the entrance of your apartment building, you were graced with the AC hitting you. Your hair would definitely be messed up from the sweat and your cap.

You waited in front of the elevator doors as it descended from the last person that used it. The lobby was empty, except from the usual leasing office workers inhabiting the space, but it was just you and Jason off to the side.

As you glanced around, making sure the employees were occupied, you used your grip on Jason’s hand to pull him down enough for you to kiss his cheek. A little awkward with your cap in the way, but you were able to surprise Jason.

He stayed hunched forward, shifting his face to look at you closely and digest what you did.

Ding. The elevator doors opened and you pulled Jason in the elevator.

You felt accomplished as you pushed the button to your floor. When you moved back to Jason’s side, you looked up to him, but he grabbed your face.

His hand pushed your cap up, so he could lean in and kiss you. His hat also moving up at the angle he was in.

You closed your eyes, disoriented at the feeling and because Jason completely blocked your view of the elevator, so you only heard the doors close.

Lost in the feeling and the movement of his lips, you dropped the bags in your hand to grab at Jason’s sleeve, wanting to grasp at something.

You’ve never felt so desperate to get Jason even closer and he must have understood or he craved it more because he pushed you back against the elevator wall. You felt the cold metal against your back and you gasped.

Jason devoured the sound, motivating him to hold your waist, but it wasn’t enough for him. He crouched a little lower to grasp you behind your legs to lift you fully off the ground, inching your body up, higher and more level with his face.

The angle changed and you easily wrapped your arms around his neck while simultaneously wrapping your legs around his waist. The moment intensifying as you pulled at his hair below his hat and you swallowed the low groan that left his mouth. You were drawn to the deep sound and the feeling of the hum you felt on your mouth.

You were practically flush against his body and you were down to your last few breaths, but you didn’t want to pull your face away from Jason.

You nipped at his lower lip and he lifted his hands to cup the sides of your face, digging his fingers into your sweaty hair and rubbing the back of your ears. You opened your mouth wanting to feel more of him when you heard someone loudly clear their throat.

You pulled away, shoving Jason by his shoulders as he whipped his head to see where the voice came from. You fell to your feet trying to lean against the wall with the sudden motion, hair a mess with your cap lopsided as you looked past Jason to see Dick standing there with a hand on his waist and the other holding the elevator door open. He didn’t look at the two of you directly, more like a lost look to the side.

You breathlessly adjusted your cap as you frantically smoothed out your shirt.

Jason pulled his cap down as he sighed then redirected his attention to you, gently reaching out to you to smooth out some of your hair and help you stand up straighter. Then he grabbed the bags you both dropped on the floor as he turned around to face his brother.

“I didn’t know you were coming over. You should’ve texted.” Jason walked past his brother, annoyance laced in his voice.

“I did.” Dick replied. He looked at you then followed after Jason. “But it seems you were a little occupied.” Amusement coating his voice and visible in the way he walked.

“I see you’re getting to know your neighbors very well.” Dick teased, a giant grin on his face. “I’m glad.”

What a way to meet Jason’s brother again after all this time. You wanted the floor to open up and swallow you away from the lack of awareness you had to make out with Jason in public.

You couldn’t decide if it was worse that a stranger could’ve saw you or that Dick was the one who did.

“Yeah, yeah, come inside.” Jason unlocked the door to his apartment. You nervously followed after the two.

“No seriously, I’m glad you two continued to see each other.” A genuine comment from Dick. “I’ve never seen you so comfortable with someone, Jaybird.”

A small hum from Jason as he set the bags down onto the counter.

With no indication that he wanted to speak further, you decided to talk.

“I’m sorry we’re meeting again like this. I promise I’m usually a better influence.” Hopefully your lighthearted tone would give off a better impression than the one on the elevator.

“Ha! I know you are because,” Dick moved in closer, lowering his voice. “This is the most behaved I’ve seen Jason in months.”

“Alright, enough, dickwa—Dick,” Jason cleared his throat. “But we just got back and I want to shower. It was too damn hot today.”

“Oh, I bet it was—“

“Thank you! Never come by again. See you. Good Night.” Jason raised his voice, shoving his brother out the door.

“No, please, I swear I’m done!” Dick pleaded as he was trying to hang onto the door frame, but Jason closed the door before he could start to beg.

“Are you sure he’ll be alright?” You questioned Jason.

He didn’t bother to answer your question as he closed the space between you and wrapped his arms around you, resting his forehead on your shoulder and letting his hands intertwine around your waist, falling onto your lower back.

Jason signed into your shirt. The feeling slightly tickling you.

“I wasn’t done earlier.” He whispered against you. “Then that dickhead had to interrupt.”

You laughed, loving the pouty sound of his voice.

You embraced him back, leaning your head against his.

“I think the elevator interrupted you.” You rubbed his back in soothing circles.

You closed your eyes for a moment, letting a silence fall in Jason’s apartment before your curiosity got to you.

“Jaybird?”

“It’s a nickname.”

“It’s cute.”

“Enough about him, we need to put away all the stuff we bought.” Jason lifted his head to sullenly look at the numerous bags.

“That reminds me.” You let go of him to dig around the bags, trying to find your earlier gift. “I was told to share this with you by an older woman who thought my boyfriend was adorable.”

Jason shifted behind you. Closing his hands on the edges of the counter, both of his arms on your sides. Once you found the lemon bar, you turned your body, careful to lean against the counter with Jason’s body still in front of you, around you practically.

“It’s a new product. She said I could have it for making her day, but I have to thank you because we wouldn’t have gotten it without you.”

You opened the wrapper, breaking a piece off to feed to Jason.

“How does it taste?”

Jason lingered. You anticipated what he thought, but he leaned forward to kiss you. You held onto the lemon bar, but lowered it the more heated your kiss became. The tangy taste invading your mouth.

“Amazing.”

[clare-875]

Hey clare!!!!! I love ur fics and you seem like such a cool person!!!!!!!! I would absolutely love if you wrote a tenya iida x reader with THE MOST FLUFF YOU CAN ADD pretty please <333 you can have complete free reign over the prompt, i'll be happy with whatever teehee ;) thanks lovely <333

A Dose of Him (Tenya Iida x Reader)

_____ Pairing: Tenya Iida x Female Reader Summary: Tenya Iida is in love with you Warnings: Fluff!! A/N: Omg, my first MHA fic! Thank you for all the love, I hope this is what you were looking for! <3 [MHA Masterlist] _____

When Tenya Iida is in love, you can see it in his eyes.

Tenya never thought there could be a goal beyond becoming a hero worthy of his brother's name. But then, you walked into his life. He wishes he could say his adoration of you was built off of many interactions; deliberate and steady and methodical, just the way he liked things.

But what he soon found out was that love was quite the opposite.

It crept up onto him and grabbed a hold of him and in an instant, he was whisked away in its clutches and prone to its effects. So you can imagine when he met you on the first day in Class 1A, he was beyond surprised and almost disoriented at how one glance at you - a stranger - could influence the pace of his racing heart.

It was confusing to him at first, and he could scarcely even acknowledge that the warm feeling ignited within him was because of you: You and your words and breath and presence. But even when he himself didn't know what it was he felt, his classmates knew.

Even those usually oblivious to such things couldn't miss the ways his eyes would dart beneath his glasses at an utterance of your name. They couldn't miss the way his irises seemed to gleam whenever your light laughter blessed his ears. They couldn't miss the way his gaze searched for yours in the breadth of battles; the lingering worry and anxiety clearing only in the aftermath, when he acknowledged that you were safe and sound.

When you started dating, your shared love could only amplify the devotion in his eyes.

He confessed to you early in your second year, his nerves exceeding even what he felt in his Hero Licence Exam. It had been an ordinary afternoon to any other individual but to him it was everything. His plan was simple and thought out: to get you to join him outside once class was over for the day. What he didn’t expect was for his anticipation to brim so much, he could scarcely get the words out. Ultimately when he had gotten himself together enough, he had stood straight and bowed to you rigidly.

“[y/n] [l/n]... I have liked you for a long time now. Would you please do me the honour of going out with me?"

He didn’t expect your response to be your light laughter. But you couldn’t help yourself at the formal and serious and just Tenya-way of his confession. However, when he lifted his head in time to hear you say yes, you can see in his eyes that they shone with pure honesty, devotion and love. “Yes, Tenya Iida. I would love to go out with you.” Your words to him were the beginning of a happiness he had never felt before.

When Tenya Iida is in love, you can feel it in his touch.

Before you started dating, Tenya could stare inquisitively at his hand you brushed for lengths of time. It was to the point where Midoriya would ask if there was something wrong with his hand. Any time he felt a flutter of your warmth when you stood close to him, or even in the passing of your presence he was frustratingly flustered. When you hugged him once he had fully recovered from his fight with the Hero Killer Stain, he swore he had a heart attack.

When the both of you started dating, Tenya had to learn quickly to get used to your touch for the sake of his poor heart. But in turn, in every caress and hold of his, you could feel his gentleness and care and utter love. He treated you like you could almost break under his hold, but you also never felt safer than when you were in the confines of his secure arms.

Every battle you were paired in he would subconsciously pull you close to him. In the aftermath, he could never be satisfied until his arms were wrapped around you once more. On dates, his hand would hardly leave yours. His touch would linger as he guided you away from oncoming traffic, helped you into your seat, and held your bags of shopping. In his mind, it was a given: You were his girlfriend and it was his duty to treat you as such. But to you, he was simply a gentleman amongst men.

And he was completely and utterly yours.

In lazy afternoons he has you in his arms, and when he is finally used to your presence enough to feel bold, his touch would linger on the flesh of your bare skin. It was like you were built just to melt into his embrace, and he always felt an unmistakable loss whenever you weren't. He would never say it aloud though, due to his irrevocably stubborn and flustered nature, but you would know the next day when he would scarcely leave your side.

"Are you okay? You've been following me around all day."

"I'm just... I'm just practising my stealth skills. No need to worry."

You could roll your eyes at his bullshit excuse, but your heart could only warm when you saw the pink on his cheeks. Before your boyfriend even knew what was happening, you had moved and shoved your face into his chest. Two of your arms wrapped themselves tight around his torso. "L-love? What's wrong?" He looks down at your attachment to him, and his own arms wrap themselves instinctively around you. However, his eyes widen when you lift your head and let a knowing smile enlighten your features.

"If you wanted a hug, you could've just asked for one you know?"

His heart pounds faster against your ear.

When Tenya Iida is in love, there won't be a day that you aren't reminded of just that: he loves you.

You are currently in your boyfriend's room and leaning heavily against his shoulder as he points out words that lose shape in your tiredness. "-and this, love, is what you do when you need to find the integral of this term. You see, you cannot-" His words are a jumble in your mind, and you faintly wonder why even in your hero course, you are doing mathematics. "Love, are you listening? It is of utmost importance that you learn this before your exam next week."

You hum at your boyfriend's blunt words, somehow they take an edge of gentleness when it is you he is talking to. "I'm listening baby, just resting my eyes for a bit." You promptly go from leaning on his shoulder to placing your head on his lap; a much more comfortable position you find for your aching neck and head. You can feel your boyfriend freeze briefly at your change in position, before seeming to relax once more. You can hear the sigh he lets out under his breath.

"Perhaps, we have done enough studying for today."

You smile and open your eyes briefly at his words, but surprisingly to you, Tenya is already looking down at you with softness in his gaze. "What do you say, love? I will walk you back to your room." As he softly speaks to you, one hand caresses your face gently and your lips upturn further in delight. His touch is heavenly after a day of torturous study, and despite being grateful for your intelligent boyfriend, you find yourself wishing it had been a day spent doing something more fun together.

As you look up to him through your eyelashes, you clutch his other hand and intertwine it in yours. Tenya feels his face flush red at your gentle hands caressing his. "No, let's stay here a while. Please?" Normally, Tenya would've upheld the rules of an approaching curfew and obliged to his role as class representative. However, his stature seems to melt just by your sleepy gaze and uttered words. "Okay, love." You grin in satisfaction and let out a small laugh of glee before focusing your attention on his hand once more and relishing his touch.

Soon, and completely expected by Tenya, you fall asleep.

You don't know it, but your boyfriend lets you lay there a little while, though mostly for the selfishness of having you in his presence just a moment longer. He then uses his strength to pry you gently into his arms, getting ready to take you to your room. As he travels the corridors he pays no mind to the teasing words of his classmates nor the "that's so manly," comment made by Kirishima. No, his gaze is solely on you, and his importance on making sure his peers stay quiet enough for you to sleep. His heart lurches when you snuggle closer to his warmth.

When he finally lays you in your bed, he hesitates for a moment before placing a kiss on your forehead and gently removing the deathly grip you have on his shirt. He sees you frown at the loss in contact and proceeds to internally swear that it was the most adorable sight he's ever seen. "Good night love." His words are merely a whisper in the dark room. "I love you." He witnesses your lips upturn and he smiles adoringly.

When Tenya Iida is in love you could never question it, because he encompasses it in everything he does, just for you.

[unboundprompts]

Hi! If you've got some ideas, how about: Sidekick hopelessly in love with Hero-Turned-Villain. The kind that sticks by them, even at their most villainous.

Devoted Sidekick x Hero-Turned-Villain

-> feel free to edit and adjust pronouns as you see fit.

"I feel betrayed," the villain said, running a hand through their hair as they paced back and forth, lost in thought. "They used me," they continued, "took advantage of my powers. And for what? The greater good? Bullshit. There's no such thing. Not anymore." Sidekick watched them pace, memorizing the angry lines on their face. "So much for loyalty," the villain spat. "But, at least I have you, Sidekick."

Villain wanted to burn this city to the ground. After so many years of protecting it, not receiving an ounce of gratitude for risking their life day after day, they wanted destroy what they once swore to keep safe. And Sidekick would stand by their side, even after the city was nothing but ashes.

Villain's line of morality had long since blurred. Sidekick had watched them change from a Hero with a heart of gold to a Villain that was broken and angry. The world had wronged Villain. Sidekick had watched it happen. And they'll be damned before they let Villain take on the wrongs and rights of the world on their own.

If you like what I do and want to support me, please consider buying me a coffee! I also offer editing services and other writing advice on my Ko-fi! Become a member to receive exclusive content, early access, and prioritized writing prompt requests.

[spacebaby1]

Yuta always makes me feel soft. He is a thoughtful, kind man who is devoted to his loved ones. He is his mother's son. Of course dad Gojo. 😙 He is jealous because his son is his mother's copy. Their only son. Especially the mother is very fond of her son. Can you write some cute things?

I wanna write more of these😩🩷my beautiful boys!!

You were overjoyed when you found out that you're gonna have a baby. And Satoru being the only son of Gojo clan made everyone in his family excited for his first born; some even excited that your child might have the six eyes just like his father, which is one thing you didn't want. The birth wasn't easy, and it came to a shocking end. You could still feel the five days labor pain even after many years and it made your body shiver everytime you remember; crying from the labor pain, barely able to lay down or stand when everyone were petrified on your situation, unable to help you. Satoru haven't felt this hopeless all his life as he did in those five days to the point that they all that you might lose the baby. On the sixth day, at the early hours of the morning, your baby boy was born. You remembered crying as your mother in law placed your son on your chest; even Satoru couldn't hold his tears back as he caressed your hair gently, whispering praises. The intensity of labor left your body in so much distress that your doctor sadly informed you that you would never be able to have another child in the future. The news was a slap in the face for both of you however having your precious baby yuta in your arms was worth every pain and every other loss.

To your and Satoru's relief; your son did not inherits Satoru's six eyes on the other hand your son was a carbon copy of you; he had your black hair, your dark blue eyes and your personality, your gentleness and even your smile. However, he was as strong as he's father but he surly was your baby no matter how old he got. Yuta would never leave your sight which made his kindergarten years very difficult because he would cry nonstop when you weren't there. You'd go to shop leaving him with Satoru and he would still cry for you.

It was another long day when you and Satoru were fast asleep when the baby monitor went off, you groaned getting up but Satoru pulled you back to bed, still half asleep himself. He kissed your forehead before whispering, "I'll get him, Mama." You nodded falling asleep only to be woken up minutes later with another cries of your son, you got up rubbing your eyes and saw that Satoru wasn't in bed so you made your way to Yuta's room.

You could see how tired Satoru was softly rocking his little baby in his arms, "hey, he's not letting papa sleep?" You said with a small smile making your way towards your husband. Placing your hand on your husbands bare arms, "is he hungry?"

Satoru sighed handing him to you with a pout, "he won't stop crying and I tired to feed him but he won't eat and he doesn't need changing, I think he needs his mama to hold me and not his handsome dada." You chuckled at that but you knew that Satoru felt a bit left behind from your childs love. You kissed Satoru's hand while rocking Yuta in your other arm, "He loves you and he wants his dada to have a goodnight sleep that's why he won't stop crying to let mama hold him, right yu?" Yuta already stopped crying and falling asleep. Satoru kissed your head leading you towards the rocking chair and sitting by your side as you held Yuta in your arms, "he's so mini you, isn't he?" Satoru smile gently rubbing Yuta's cheeks. You smiled, "he has your beautiful nose tho." Satoru chuckled planting a kiss on his son's head, "Our beautiful boy."

Your thoughts were cut short when the front door flung open followed with your husbands unmistakable voice and your teenager sons tired groans. Yuta had just turned twelve and Satoru would take him for training ever since because he wants his son be able to help himself and other just in case he encountered a curse. And it was getting to your poor boy.

Your two boys entered the living-room when You were putting some reports away and Yuta literally ran to wrap his arms around you leaving a tired sigh, "Welcome, home you two." Satoru gave you a kiss while your son still held onto you, "Satoru, did you overtrain my baby?" All your husband did was laugh, "hey, this wasn't even the actual training."

Yuta sighed looking at you, "ma, I'm tired. Papa said we need to train more, tell him no." You looked at your husband and he just shrugged. You sighed, "just don't drain our baby boy." You said to your husband and rubbed your sons back, "come on, both of you go get ready. Dinner is ready, now up up. Come on, papa you too. Go" you pushed your husband when he tired to hug you laughing.

The dinner was as cheerful as everyday both your boys "arguing" over their training and you watched them with a loving smile on your lips, "admiring my beauty?" Satoru wiggled his brows to which you son reacted, "eww, not in front of me." You laughed and ruffled Yuta's hair, "Eat, both of you." You noticed how Satoru watched Yuta tell you all about the school events and his training with his dad with a small smile, as your husband played with the food in front of him and that smile would fall every now and then.

The three of you were watching some TV show in the living-room with your son laying on your lap and Satoru on the arm chair. No matter how old he got, Yuta would always lay his head on your lap as you placed your hand in his hair caressing it or just placing it on there for comfort. Satoru would lie if he said that he wasn't a bit jealous and wishing that his son would lay his head on Satoru's lap. Satoru often felt left out no matter how hard he tried to be around his baby boy. However, he never stopped showing his love to his child. Yuta yawned and you tapped his shoulder after looking at the clock and it was 10 in the evening, "Okay, bedtime. Come on." Yuta nodded getting up from your lap and giving you a long hug, "Goodnight, Ma." You kissed his cheek, "Goodnight, Baby." He smiled and went to hug Satoru, "Goodnight, pa." Satoru hugged him tight observing the love he is getting, "Night night my superstar."

Satoru made his way next to you on the couch and dropped his head on your chest as you played with his silver hair not giving any attention to the TV, Satoru was laying on your chest eyes open and lost in thoughts. "What's going on in your mind, papa?" You asked hugging him to your chest and he let out a long sigh, "You'll think I'm overreacting," He chuckled and you kissed his head. "I'll never think that, now tell me what's bothering you, is it the work?" Satoru shook his head nuzzling his head in your neck. "Do you think I'm a good dad?" He asked almost in whisper. You looked at him and made him look at you as he sighed and sat up straight, holding his face in your soft hands your spoke, "you're an amazing dad, your the best dad to our baby boy and you have been the most loving since the day Yuta was born. Why would you even think otherwise?" He sighed looking at his hands with heavy eyes that took you by surprise when he whipped the tears before falling. You moved closer holding his hands in yours, "hey, Sweetie. Satoru, why are you crying? Did Yuta say some-"

He shook his head immediately and chuckled the tears away looking at you, "Our sweetheart Yuta would never say anything to make me cry. He's such a gentle boy just like his mama always considerate of others feelings. It's just, ugh I don't know, I'm being so dramatic but I feel like he likes being around you more than me and I'm terrified that he'll grow away from me and I wanna give him all my love and support I just feel like I'm lacking at something." You hugged your husband, "I'm sorry you feel like this Sweetie. You're an amazing dad and Yuta loves you as much as you love him don't you ever feel like he doesn't like being around you and you out of all people should know how much he looks up to you and tries hard to be like his strong papa. He's just a-"

"Mama's boy." You both said together and Satoru laughed holding your hand in his and placing a soft kiss on it, "I don't know, I just felt the need to let that off my chest and you just know how to make me feel better, I love you, I love both of you." You smiled and hugged your husband.

Unknown to both of you Yuta saw and heard it all when he came back to grab his bag but stopped when he saw his parents talking. His lips quiver when he saw his dad crying and feeling like Yuta didn't love him. He went back to his room and tried to not cry at the image of his father crying in his Mama's arm.

The next morning you were in the kitchen making breakfast while Satoru was going through the report you wrote from yesterday. It's how your weekends went a late breakfast with you and Satoru rewriting the report for the week missions. Yuta came down a bit to excited skipping his way to hug you first, "morning angel, slept well?" He nodded happily giving you a kiss on cheek making you pout at how tall he has gotten; your baby was growing so fast. He happily ran to hug Satoru, "wohh, Good morning strong boy, don't attack your old man like that, I might break a bone." Satoru kissed Yuta's head, "slept well?" Yuta nodded happily still hugging his dad. Satoru's brows frowned as he hugged his son, "you okay, buddy?" He rubbed his son's back. Yuta finally let go and smiled, "better than ever, you're amazing pa." Satoru smiled as he ruffled his sons hair, "says the strongest boy. Who's my strong boy? Who's my strong baby boy?" Satoru spoke in a baby voice holding Yuta's cheeks making him laugh and try to let go of his fathers hold. Yuta finally managed to free himself from his father's hold, "Pa, are you busy today?"

Satoru smiled as both of your boys made their way to the kitchen to help you set the table, "not really, no missions for the day, why? You want me to drive you to your friends?" Yuta shook his head as shrugged, "Nah, I was thinking if you want to hangout at the mall? We haven't been to the mall, if you'd like?" He asked nervously and Satoru's eyes light up, "ah, yes and your mother would love to go-"

Taking your chance you spoke, "I don't think I can baby, I still have the report to finish, how about you two boys go and have fun? Plus I need my alone time." You said making them chuckle. Yuta looked at his dad, "Yes! Sure, let's go after breakfast."

You happily watched your husband get ready as you were standing by the doorframe, "you seem so happy that's making me fall in love with you over again." You said making Satoru smile, "I fall in love with you everyday!" He placed a long kiss on your cheek, "have fun at the mall, and get me something sweet when you come back." You said that and headed towards your sons room to find him trying to button up his shirt sleeve; unsuccessfully. Which reminded you of your husband and how both your boys can't button up their shirts sleeves. You laughed and Yuta forward his arm happily for you to button up his sleeves and you immediately helped him, "have fun okay? And please don't let daddy eat so much candy?" Yuta laughed at your request and hugged you once you were done, "I love you ma, I love you both so much." You kissed his forehead once you let go, "we both love you more, baby boy."

You watched them both leave and went to your report once again not minding the quietness in the house. Surprisingly you needed that time alone after finishing the report you went to your reading until it was getting dark and you heard the familiar voice of your two boys entering the house. Followed by laughter that made your heart swell with love at the sight of your two boys. "Pa, show ma what we won today!" Yuta hugged you quickly before rushing towards Satoru making you smile wide, "and tell her about the new store we want to! Ma, you won't believe what pa got you and we had so much fun. There was this new game store and pa and I went a bit crazy but it was so much fun." You watched you son and husband show you the big stuffed toy they won. "I take it you two had fun?" You asked to which Satoru and Yuta nodded happily. "Should we try the new video game, yu?" Satoru asked and Yuta nodded, "Yes! Wait I'll turn the TV on pa, get the game. Let's play it!"

It's been a few hours, and your husband and son were playing the video game on the living room floor, laughing and having fun while you happily read your book from the couch. A few few minutes later, Yuta fell asleep with his head on your husbands lap. Satoru turned the TV off and turned to look at you with a huge smile on his face, which you matched to his. Carefully, Satoru carried his son to his bedroom with you following behind. Satoru placed Yuta on the bed and was about to leave when Yuta grabbed his hand in his sleep, Satoru tried to carefully let go but only to earn an annoyed groan from his son. You chuckled and whispered, "Now he won't let go of his papa. Stay with him a while?" Satoru nodded with a smile as he knelt down next to the bed, caressing his son's black hair with such gentleness and love. You kissed Satoru's hair as you watched your two precious boys.

[zablife]

Joel Takes You on a Road Trip

Joel Miller x gf reader

A/N: Fall road trip, requested by @huntingingoodwill. Part of my Corrupt a Wish challenge. Patsy Cline Song is "Leavin' on Your Mind."

Warnings: mention of the infected, sedation Corrupt a wish reminder: If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention. Proceed with caution!

"Ain't falling asleep on me, are ya?" Joel asked, brushing your cheek lightly.

You glanced over at him with a lazy smile as you denied the gentle rocking was indeed lulling you into a comfortable slumber. "Course not," you mumbled over the quiet static of the car radio.

"And here I thought we were gonna have a nice chat," he chuckled, rubbing his thumb over the steering wheel.

You might have noticed the nervous gesture if you hadn't been thoroughly exhausted, a yawn rippling through you as you tried to respond. "Wh-what do you want to...talk about?" you finally managed to ask.

The lines near his temples crinkled slightly in amusement at the sight of your drooping eyelids, prompting him to gently urge, "Go on and close your eyes, darlin'." After the months you'd spent together, he was well aware you couldn't keep them open more than five minutes during long drives. However, the certainty of it gave him pause, an uneasy feeling settling in his gut thinking of the trust you'd placed in him.

Failing to notice his sullen expression, you snuggled down into the passenger's seat with Joel's jacket. Fingers clutching the worn edges of the soft fabric, you gently pulled the weighted material over yourself for warmth, careful to cover the unsightly bite mark on your shoulder. It was a gruesome reminder of the ordeal you'd faced just before meeting the man you now considered your guardian angel.

While others were unwilling to believe your fantastic claim of being bitten without infection, Joel had accepted you into his circle of protection instantly. He offered gentle words of comfort to get you through the early nights when you couldn't sleep out of fear and worry. With steadfast devotion, he promised you'd survive.

When you asked how he could be certain, he swore he'd seen a similar case once before in a young girl named Ellie. Though he was reluctant to speak of her, you learned she'd been like a daughter to him. The heartache in his voice kept you from asking questions about her fate, but the nagging curiosity rarely ceased. Only one thing could distract you from it and that was the sound of Joel's soft, Texas twang.

"Tell me again," you begged, head resting on the rattling window frame and he knew exactly what you meant.

As your eyelids fluttered, the passing shades of orange and red lightly dusted your vision and you began to imagine the kaleidoscope of color around Joel's lakeside cabin this time of year. He'd described it to you many times to satiate your curiosity, yet you still begged for more. You loved the way he spoke about this idyllic place, reciting the details from his memory like a bedtime story.

With a bit of reluctance, his husky voice rumbled to life beside you. "We're gonna follow the main road until it forks. Then 'bout three miles south there's a dirt path that twists and turns so far into the woods you'd think you were goin' back in time."

You exhaled deeply in satisfaction at his familiar tale, relishing the way he embellished the narrative like all good storytellers do.

"After you pass a rickety, old barn, you know you're gettin' close," his voice faded out momentarily as a radio station came into range. Patsy Cline's crisp, clear voice ringing out.

If you got leavin' on your mind Tell me now, get it over

His breathing hitched, eyes staring at the road intently as though deep in thought and you took the opportunity to remind him of the rest.

"The one with the peeling red paint that your uncle helped build," you added, so softy he almost didn't hear you.

"That's right," he agreed with a small nod of his chin. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he continued in the low, deep voice that soothed your soul. "You pass that barn and Grandaddy's cabin sits back there on the far side of the lake. On a calm day the water looks just like glass."

He ventured a wistful glance in your direction, eyes squinting against the sunshine as he tried and failed to picture the two of you standing on the dock. He'd wanted to take you fishing many times and introduce you to the splendid wonder of the surroundings. If not for recent circumstances, you might have lived happily on that forgotten parcel of land as man and wife. Shaking his head to dislodge the notion, he tried to bite back his own anxiety with honeyed promises so sweet he nearly succumbed to them himself.

"We'll fish and skip rocks across the lake," he hummed quietly, caught up in his own daydream. "If you get cold, I'll start a fire in the old wood stove to keep us warm..."

The serene thought made you curl your limbs in tighter, imagining his strong arms cradling you beneath a large quilt. You soon felt your body grow heavy with sleep, the soft rumbling of the engine melding with the strain of a piano and a forlorn voice.

Hurt me now, get it over I may learn to love again

A sudden jerk jolted you from slumber as the golden sunshine glistening before you sharpened into a ray of bright, white. You moaned, but when it escaped your lips there was a distinct note of pain present.

"Try not to move," a strange voice persisted as the pressure on your shoulder intensified.

"Joel?" you cried out, as you felt yourself being rolled down a long, sterile corridor. Arms and legs flailing in a frenzied panic, you began to reach out for him without success.

"We're going to need more sedation," a second voice announced behind you.

The radio was still playing in the distant recesses of your mind even as you blinked against the harsh light overhead and you struggled to comprehend where you were.

Don't leave me here, in a world Filled with dreams that might have been

"We'll take it from here," the voice near you soothed someone in the distance confidently, but it only worsened the spike of panic coursing through you.

Using all your willpower, you fought to sit up and crane your neck to see around the gurney. You found Joel's grief stricken face staring back at you from the doorway, a young brunette gathered in his arms. As a firm hand pressed you back into the bed, your strangled cry burst forth. "Don't leave me! Joel, please!"

His big brown eyes widened at your plea, helplessly looking between you and her. Just then the girl buried her head to his chest, groaning in agony. "Stay with me, Ellie," he urged as he strode away from you without looking back.

Your brain raced to piece everything together as you felt the sharp sting of a needle going into your arm.

"Shouldn't we alert security?" the nurse by your side hissed at her colleague.

"A life for a life. That was the agreement," you thought the other woman replied as your head grew fuzzy.

The rest of their conversation became a gentle buzzing at your ear as you sunk back against the pillows, the sedatives plunging you into a shadowy world of fantasy.

The tiny cabin stood before you, just as Joel had described, a path of bright orange leaves beckoning you to follow. The only sound was the distinct crunching beneath your boots, keeping count of every step. But when you came to rest, you found yourself alone, abandoned at the edge of a still, dark lake.

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Hopelessly Devoted V

Roman Reigns x Multiracial OC

Part five: Balancing Hearts & Duty

Summary: A year ago, Joe met Princess Pensri on Fook Island, and they quickly fell in love. Unbeknownst to her, Joe paid her bride price, planning to marry her. Now, he returns with his family to fulfill his promise, ready to begin their life together.

Part four: Crowned by Love

Pensri walked through the quiet, sun-dappled garden of her family’s palace on Fook Island, the fragrance of tropical flowers drifting through the air. Her heart was full of anticipation, as today she had invited Trinity, Joe’s cousin’s wife over for lunch. There were many questions that Pensri had, ones that had been growing steadily in her mind since Joe’s return to Fook Island.

As she prepared for lunch with Trinity, her mind wandered back to all the thoughts and feelings that had been consuming her since their whirlwind romance began a year ago.

Being a princess has always come with its share of responsibilities and expectations. She was the daughter of Fook Island’s monarch, which meant her every move was scrutinized by the public. Her royal duties were extensive, ranging from representing the royal family on overseas tours to working closely with the Royal Foundation.

The Foundation supported charitable causes focused on early childhood care, wildlife conservation, and art. Pensri was the patron of several charitable and military organizations, which often required her to travel, attend events, and oversee projects that aimed to make the world a better place.

But the prospect of marriage to Joe especially given the complexities of his life was something Pensri had to approach with great thoughtfulness. Joe had five children from a previous relationship, and while he was still involved in wrestling, he was trying to navigate the balance between his career, his children, and his new life with her. Pensri knew that her life on Fook Island would always come first, but she also knew that it was important to make her relationship with Joe work. They had promised each other they would be together, and she wanted to find a way to honor both their lives, his as a father and wrestler, and hers as a princess.

That was where Trinity came in. Trinity had been in her shoes, in a way, she had become a stepmother to Jon’s two children from a previous relationship. Trinity embraced this role fully, and Pensri admired her for it. She was active in the children’s lives, balancing her career in wrestling with her family duties. Pensri could see the way Trinity and Jon’s family worked together, and how they made the balance of family time, career, and personal life look so seamless. Pensri didn’t want to make any assumptions about how her life with Joe would unfold. She wanted real advice, someone who had been there, someone who could give her guidance.

The soft clink of silverware interrupted her reverie. She stood in the entranceway to the dining room, where Trinity was already seated, her bright smile a contrast to the more subdued atmosphere Pensri often felt in her palace. The warmth between the two women was immediate both of them knew that, while their paths had been different, they were tied by a common thread: the men they loved and the family they were part of.

“Thank you for coming, Trinity,” Pensri said, gesturing to the beautifully set table. “I’m so grateful you could make it today.”

“It’s my pleasure, Pensri,” Trinity replied, taking a seat. “I know this transition must be exciting but also overwhelming. I’m happy to help in any way I can.”

Pensri nodded, feeling the weight of the situation. She had been thinking about her marriage to Joe, the responsibilities that came with it, and what it would take to blend her life with his. She had already spoken to Joe about her hopes, but she knew it was important to have a conversation with someone who understood both sides, someone who knew what it was like to balance marriage, family, and career, and who could provide her with a more grounded perspective.

“I have so many questions, Trinity,” Pensri admitted, placing her hands in her lap. “I’m still figuring out how to manage everything. Joe and I are so happy, but his life is complicated. He has five children, and I have my duties here. I want to be a good wife to him, but I also want to continue with my work. How do I make it all work?”

Trinity took a slow sip of her water, her eyes thoughtful. She’d heard a lot about Pensri and Joe’s relationship from Jon, but she knew there was more to it. She had questions of her own, too. “I understand where you’re coming from,” Trinity said, her voice warm and reassuring. “Jon and I have had to navigate a similar path. Jon has two children from his previous marriage, and while they’re older now, there was a time when it felt like there was so much to balance. Wrestling is our career, but family comes first.”

Pensri listened intently, hanging on every word.

“The key is balance, Pensri,” Trinity continued. “You and Joe have to find a way to make time for each other and your marriage while still honoring his role as a father. That’s the most important part. It’s not just about managing his children, but about managing your time together. And that means you’ll need to carve out space for each other and make family time a priority.”

Pensri nodded slowly, absorbing the wisdom. It was clear to her that Joe and his children had to come first, but she wasn’t sure how to create the space for herself. “But how do I balance that with my commitments? My royal duties? My charity work?”

“I know it’s tough,” Trinity said, offering a sympathetic smile. “But you’ll have to learn how to say no to some things and prioritize your relationship. Joe is a part of your life now, and that means adjusting to his needs too. But it’s also important that you don’t lose yourself in the process. You can’t forget who you are, your passions, your work, your responsibilities. But family time is something you’ll both have to prioritize.”

Pensri paused for a moment, contemplating Trinity’s words. She had always put her royal duties first, feeling a deep sense of responsibility to her country and its people. But the thought of sacrificing her dreams and her sense of self in the name of love was a daunting one. Still, she was determined to make it work with Joe. She loved him, and she wanted to be a supportive wife, even if it meant adjusting her priorities.

“So, you think it’s possible to live part-time in both the US and Fook Island?” Pensri asked, voicing one of the biggest questions that had been swirling in her mind. “Joe has his wrestling career, and he’ll need to be in the US often. But I can’t just leave Fook Island. How do we make that work?”

Trinity’s face softened, and she nodded. “I believe you and Joe can live part-time in both places. You’re both driven people with strong commitments to your respective careers and families. I think the key is finding that middle ground where you can balance both. And when you’re together, make sure it’s quality time, really focus on each other and what you need as a couple.”

Pensri felt a sense of relief wash over her as she listened. Perhaps this could work, after all. It wouldn’t be easy, but it was possible.

“And as for Joe’s children…” Pensri trailed off, unsure how to approach the subject. “I know I’m not their mother, but I want to be involved in their lives. How do I approach that without overstepping?”

“Respect their mother,” Trinity said firmly. “Be a presence in their lives, but never try to replace their mother. The key is being both active and respectful. You’re the third parent, yes, but their mother is still the primary parent. And you need to honor that dynamic.”

Pensri nodded slowly, her mind taking it all in. She knew this would take time, but she was willing to put in the effort. Joe’s children were a part of his life, and they would be a part of hers too, whether she was ready for it or not.

Trinity smiled, her tone gentle but direct. “You’re going to do great, Pensri. Just remember, family is everything. You can make this work. But always keep the communication open with Joe. Make sure you’re both on the same page, especially when it comes to his children and your duties.”

Pensri sighed, a mix of relief and uncertainty in her heart. She wasn’t sure what the future would hold, but one thing was clear: she loved Joe, and she was willing to do whatever it took to make their relationship work.

“Do you want children of your own?” Trinity asked, her voice full of curiosity.

Pensri paused, considering the question. “I can see myself having two,” she said slowly. “I’m not in a rush, but I want children. I want to build a family with Joe.”

“That’s good,” Trinity said with a smile. “Children change everything, but they also bring so much joy. You’ll be an amazing mom, Pensri. I just know it.”

Pensri smiled softly, feeling a warmth in her chest at the thought. She had so much to look forward to in her future with Joe. Yes, there would be challenges ahead, but with love, patience, and effort, they could overcome anything together.

Later that afternoon, as the lunch wound down and the conversation turned to lighter topics, Pensri felt a renewed sense of clarity. She was leaving with Joe and his family to attend a WWE show, something that had long intrigued her. It would give her a glimpse into Joe’s world, one she hadn’t yet fully experienced. And when the time came, she would return to Fook Island with a clearer sense of how to balance the demands of marriage, family, and career.

But for now, as she sat across from Trinity, she felt grateful. She had a long road ahead of her, but with the right guidance and the love of the man she had chosen, Pensri believed she could navigate whatever came her way. She was ready to embark on this new chapter with confidence, love, and the unwavering support of those who understood what it meant to balance family, love, and the pursuit of personal dreams.

Masterlist | Part six: Above the Clouds

[hurlumerlu]

As a fellow enthusiast of The Labyrinthine Workings of Kant's Deliciously Fucked-Up Mind, what are your thoughts on him STILL not coming clean about why he's scared of the ocean? Arguably, that could've be the perfect moment to be truthful about it because a) sympathy and b) demonstration of honesty, so I'm interested in his thinking. I'm not at all mad about it, because it gives me faith they want to treat it with the gravity it deserves and that it will be revisited later in a meaningful way, but I'm curious to hear what you think!

Also curious as to whether the invoking of penguin in this ep (I gather ppl had mixed reactions to this but I loved it - thought it was such a beautiful show of trust, and when partnered with Bison's exact words about using it from ep 3 - 'Let me know as soon as it's too much' - it becomes utterly heartbreaking) gives you more or less confidence that they'll also revisit the BDSM?

Oooooh, that is such a good question! I don't think I have a definitive answer for now, as I haven't thought about it very deeply (also I just woke up), but my gut reading of it follows three axis (and sorry. this got long. how did it get so long. why am I so verbose.)

Kant simply doesn't wanna look at it. That's the first thing I landed on and honestly the reason I didn't even wonder why he wasn't talking about it. It's just not his style! Early in the show I said that trying to write Fadel's pov is both interesting and challenging because there are many things he simply can't look at or he'll never stop screaming, and I think this is yet another thing he and Kant have in common. Kant is sociable and very sexually active, so he doesn't register as repressed in the same immediate way Fadel does, but he is! He's been dealt a shit hand in life, and he's known for a while that how he felt about it would never meaningfully change his situation ; so while he can't exactly stop having those feelings, he can (and does, all the time) chose to set them aside. It's very human tbh: no one can stare their grief in the face 24/7 and survive. But yeah, it took Kant waking up disoriented on the deck of a boat to actually look at what happened to him as a kid, and that was an extraordinarily unpleasant moment for him. So if you put him back on solid land? He's just gonna say no thanks! This is why I must say I'm not sure they will actually revisit that trauma in depth, but I personally wouldn't be mad about it. I don't think Kant is at a point in his life where he can do that work, especially since they still have so many things to worry about. However I can totally imagine him casually mentioning it years down the line, and Bison going "I'm sorry, WHAT" and Kant saying "oh we don't have to make a big deal out of it" and Bison being like "yes we do Kant. holy fuck." TLDR: Kant is very much a "if I don't touch my feelings they can't hurt me" kind of person, and that might be what he's doing there.

Kant doesn' want to make this moment (the beach vacation torture session) about his hurt. It's about soothing Bison's pain! It's about aknowledging the damage he caused, showing that he's sincere in his desire to make up for it, and proving to Bison he's worthy of trust! (this isn't not linked to the safeword thing, btw.) And we can be mad about him prioritizing Bison's needs over his own, but "devoted to a fault" is just how Kant rolls, and now that he doesn't have to keep that side of him in check when it comes to Bison (Bison who is, at this instant, very emotionally vulnerable), of course he's going to indulge. He doesn't want Bison to forgive him out of pity and compassion for his past circumstance. Does he even want Bison to forgive him? I mean, yes, obviously, but forgiveness isn't the main goal here at all. getting another chance is. I think he wants Bison to put his broken heart in one side of the scale - with no mitigating factors to lighten that weight - then Kant's sincere devotion and love in the other, and then judge for himself. And I think Kant's is very confident that his love and devotion will outweight the hurt, and that Bison just needs some time to accept that. But in the meantime he's not gonna fish (haha) for sympathy, and I don't think it occurs to him that the plane crash is even something to be honest about (after all he never lied about the plane crash. that would probably require looking at it.) but even if it was I don't think he'd believe that's the honesty Bison needs right now, as it has nothing to do with their relationship. In fact the only time he really mentions something that isn't part of their relationship, it's Babe, and I don't think I need to explain why Babe is the exception. TLDR: Kant said "this isn't about me, this is about my boyfriend's hurt feelings and saving my marriage."

The one I'm way less confident about: I'd say (and this is related to point 1 but still a separate thing) that Kant finally feel like he can turn over a new leaf. All the things that he was running from caught up to him, and it should have killed him, it certainly felt like it was killing him, but it didn't. Immersion in water symbolizes a cleansing of the soul and/or a sheding of past identities in many cultures, and Kant emerged from the sea with the absolute proof he was loved. That's bound to make a man want to look toward the future! Add to this his gradual realization that what he was doing wasn't actually efficiently helping Babe, which culminates in him admitting that Babe will be independant very soon, and you get someone who's more than willing to let the past be past. Now, obviously irl he would still probably need to adress his trauma, but as a character? I'm not sure he does. And at this moment I think he's kinda basking in that feeling of rebirth, despite everything. (There might also be some Buddhist element in that reading, like the idea of letting go of past hurts, rather than give them power over you by obsessing about them, but I am not Buddhist and know very little about Buddhism so. idk. do NOT quote me on that) TLDR: Kant did not dwell on the past because he is, symbolically, moving on from all the bad shit in his life.)

Thus conclude my thought on the question! I shall now release that post into the wild, where it perhaps will catch the attention of fellow Kant appreciators who might add to it crunchy thoughts of their own, and - oh, wait. There's a second part to this ask.

Okay, so, the thing is I am not the best person to weight in on the safeword scene, because I tend to have very knee-jerk reactions to how safewords are used in fiction. It's one of my numerous bdsm related pet-peeves, and I've been trying very hard not to inflict my rants on the subject on people who didn't ask, and. *deletes one of said rants* I will be strong and not get into it. I do personally think it was silly, but not in a bad way, simply silly like a lot of the show is silly, like a hitman tying a guy to a bed with promises of pain and then introducing himself as "the cutest waiter in a burger joint" is silly: just because something is silly doesn't mean it can't also be meaningful, or even kind of heartbreaking. Personally, it did not hit me nearly as hard as the "Hi, I'm Bison" moment did, because 1. that's a tall order and 2. see the "kneejerk reactions to the use of safeword in fictional settings" part of this paragraph. But I did find it remarkably sweet! (and just to make sure no-one gets their own knee-jerk reaction reading my post: safewords are useful in many settings and necessary in many others, including fictional ones. i am not disparaging safewords. carry on.) So my very instinctual answer to "does this scene give you more or less confidence that they'll revisit the BDSM?" is well, they went somewhere I didn't particularly want them to go, so how can I trust they'll go somewhere I actually want them to (ie, more BDSM)? (Not to mention that the safeword use could technically function as a sort of bookend: they opened the BDSM talk with it, they could close it the same way. It would not be very satisfying to me, but I have to reluctantly admit that it wouldn't be bad writing.)

But if I take a step back from my own feelings... well, I don't know. I don't know, because until now this show has not followed the usual scripts for BDSM in media. Pretty sure I've already been over some of the things that I've loved so far, so I won't go back on them, but my point is that it's been breaking some old molds, and while I appreciate it, it makes speculating a lot harder. What I will say, though, is that BDSM has been woven into the KantBison plotline in a way that allows it to really underline the various themes of that plotline (trust most of all, imo), so why drop it when we still have four episodes to go? Especially since the writers do seem to care about it enough to not just follow clichés.

And like I said, you could argue that the safeword scene do bookend the BDSM "arc" quite well - from the two of them agreeing on a safeword that can't really mean anything since one of the participants is partially having sex under pressure, to them using the safeword in a non-sexual setting to convey that they can actually be trusted to respect boundaries and, in the case of Kant, can be trusted to set boundaries. Like, it does make sense!!! But wouldn't it make even more sense, and be even sweeter, if we went from a scene gone wrong to a scene going right? Maybe the safeword scene wasn't so much the bookend as it was the climax of the BDSM arc. In which case I do believe they will put bow on it later. A nice little epilogue to it. So yeah, I don't know, but I see no reason to just assume they'll drop it. With still four episodes to go, I believe each couple will get one more (if perhaps only slightly) sexual scene before the end of the show, and I hope they'll put the BDSM there. But even if they don't, it's not like the show has been shy with sex jokes and little allusions so far, and I really don't think they'll stop. Wether that's enough or not will be a matter of taste.

Well, I started this post saying I had just woken up, and it's now time for lunch. I hope this isn't too jumbled, and that you'll find something for you in there. A sincere thank you for being interested in my thoughts! With any luck it will also spark conversations, and we'll both get to read more Kant meta.

[hannibalbabygirlifier]

i would love to hear more of your thoughts on Hannibal and Will's post-fall relationship (and maybe even Hannibal being more emotional in contrast to how most of fandom sees him, because i very much agree with you on that)!! honestly, feel free to ramble to your heart's content because i love all your takes on them <3

Yippie!! Wahoo!!

Okay on Hannibal being more emotionally driven than people think. The thing is I think he’s actually basically in emotional overload at all times. This is a man that feels everything INTENSELY at any given time. Art is life changing and euphoric to the point of sitting by it and recreating it every single day. Good music brings genuine tears of emotion. Love is akin to devotion for him, it transcends everything. He has very specific coping mechanisms and ways he has learned to be BECAUSE of this, the way people learn to mask the aspects of themselves that they feel are deficient.

So much of his hedonism is a combination of intense love of everything life has to offer and the fact that it’s a double edged sword. Feeling everything intensely equally makes it so he is unable to sit with unpleasant feelings or things. Having gone through the early years of his life with the constant of fear, pain, loss, hunger, cold, discomfort, magnified by 1000 in someone who everything is exceptionally intense for, there is a clawing hunger for only the best of everything, to not be having a bad time ever for even a second. He will not suffer boredom, humiliation, indignity, without a disproportionately volatile and impulsive response. He’s a ticking bomb easily set off, he’s just learned to hide it. Anyone truly apathetic wouldn’t care about the whole rude thing, it would fly completely over their head.

It’s a through line in every version of media made about him that one key component of his character is that he is very capable of love and that it’s a driving force for him. I think he has a much greater depth of feeling for people than average, and those he does love and consider family are on the receiving end of absolute devotion and adoration, but again, it is a double edged sword. With the ability to love that deeply there is also the ability to feel intense disappointment, alienation, disgust, etc about people. His love is above and beyond the average persons, but his feelings of dislike and therefor apathy are disproportionate as well.

Many of his kills aren’t completely random or unfeeling- they are people that inspire negative emotions such as politicians that try to destroy the nature and beauty in the world, doctors that are cruel and derogatory to their patients, academics that are deliberately exclusionary and condescending, in general people that in his eyes actively make the world a worse place. He cannot stand ugliness because what is a minor inconvenience to the average person is blindingly unspeakably ugly to him.

This isn’t to say he doesn’t still kill people that don’t fit in this category- there’s very much two types. Those he kills because they make the world a worse place and in his eyes don’t deserve the beauty of life, and those that are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think the second category falls into a weird place in terms of his empathy- I’m just spewing thoughts here but I think he has this weird thing going on that he has suffered about as much as a person can and still finds life joyful and even feels that he’s better for it, is even excited and compelled by the idea of his own death, that he just genuinely doesn’t think what he’s doing is that bad. He’s the boomer parent going “well back in my day I walked 50 miles through the snow to school” except it’s back in my day this this this and this happened and I’ve seen the ugliest the world has to offer and I’m keenly aware of it, so getting your arm chopped off and being gaslight really isn’t that bad, maybe you’ll even be better for it and see the world through new eyes/become something more beautiful for it! Isn’t that exciting! He even thinks death is exciting and a beautiful change in its own way, so it doesn’t phase him. The smaller fish is eaten by the bigger fish and the bigger fish will someday get got by the shark and as the bigger fish he is perfectly capable of empathy for the smaller one, even does see himself in its shoes, but sees it just as a beautiful cycle of life that will happen to him someday too and it isn’t at all a bad thing to have experienced it and been a part of something. How wonderful, for it all to have meaning. But in general I don’t think he does anything he does without empathy-he just does it anyways. “Extreme acts of cruelty require a high degree of empathy.”

All this isn’t to say that he doesn’t have times that he does shut off his empathy at will, or behave deeply apathetically, but it’s very much a learned skill. There is a feral dog, a volatile child, an open wound of a person deep down but age and rigidly practiced self control have given him the ability to repress things and control his reactions in a way someone who does not struggle with that simply never would. In the way someone who struggles deeply socially might practice and overcompensate to the point of becoming excellent public speakers and social butterflies, he has crafted himself a person suit that is calm, always rational, collected and emotionless to serve him as he makes his way through the world. He’s almost a matryoshka of person suits. The first layer the world sees is the charming kind social butterfly that is perfectly normal. The second, the unfeeling sociopath, the monster. But that’s just another suit intentionally stitched to serve him. The third, further down, as I said, is the emotional burn victim whom every metaphorical breeze is a severe sensation. He is a master of repressing pain- whether it be no reaction to physical torture or violence, or over a decade of repressed memories, he takes pride in being able to control the volatile beast within and letting it out just enough. He actually is pretty successful with this for a long time! But of course will bursts his way into his life and breaks down those walls just enough that it’s like dominos and his grip on all of it starts to loosen.

SO. Pivoting onto post fall relationship.

I do think there’s a total acceptance of that vulnerability at that point. Some people see him as still having walls or even being resentful towards will but I really don’t think he is. I think he’s just genuinely euphoric that they are together and that there is family and peace and unconditional love at last. I think one of his biggest driving forces is a desire for genuine true all accepting-unconditional love. If I did the worst will you still love me. He’s definitely the bitch asking if you’d still love him if he was a worm. That was really the whole thing with Abigail in season 2-if you think I killed her will you still be able to love me and accept me. The tragedy of it is without Abigail will probably would have been able to forgive everything else but Hannibal needed to know even if he did the worst, that nothing would be enough to sever them. So now that he really does have that I see him as a deeply content cat purring and basking by wills side.

I do honestly think it’s touchy as hell right away too. On the cliff a dam is definitely broken and there is a kind of physical contact and intimacy there hasn’t been before, and I think once they start touching there’s no reigning that back in. I definitely think a first kiss would be initiated by will because funnily enough even though he doesn’t have it early on, by that point hannibal almost has a strange insecurity with him-he is deeply vulnerable to rejection from him and I think would be afraid of pushing especially now. That being said, I think it would happen very quickly, within the first day, and it’s as natural as breathing. They’re already in each others space, clinging to each other for warmth, survival, coming down from the high of everything, treating their wounds, at some point it goes from just breathing in each others air to being connected. They’ve begun to blur. I’m extremely soft about them showering together, sleeping intertwined, in the days after. There’s just such a peace after the hollow ache that has been there for both of them for so long.

I do think it is an interesting stretch for will to spend with hannibal because he starts to see him in a much more vulnerable light. He starts to be more of just a man to him, a man that he loves, that wakes up from nightmares or has flashes of insecurity he starts to recognize, that has strange little fussy habits and preferences that make will feel fond.

I was talking the other day that I feel like Will will sort of enjoy getting things for him but he’ll be so particular about how hannibal gets only the best. He’ll grumble all the way about it but go out of his way to get exactly the right coffee beans, tea leaves, flowers, etc for him. And it’s not even that hannibal cares, he would love anything from will! But it’s important to will that his beloved has exactly what he wants and likes. Of course will is ridiculously possessive, we know that, and it’s only amplified post fall. Hannibal is the most precious thing he has and of how he treats his dogs is any indication, he is VERY particular about what hannibal gets. I also think he’s spent so long wanting/trying to hurt him, there’s a particular delight in wanting to please him, to see him delighted and it’s because of HIM. Oh and if he gave something that hannibal could wear, the fucking power trip of that kind of claim on him.

I think they teach each other things a lot too. I love will teaching him fishing, and loving Hannibal’s undivided attention and how much hannibal wants to be involved in wills interests, and in turn will dabbles in cooking and music and such. They often cook together, although hannibal starts burning things more often than he ever has in his entire life because will gets very randy about him in the kitchen. And there’s absolutely nothing to unpack there, no sir!

Of course they do murder stuff, I mean. It’s them. But I think less and less as the life they’ve carved out together is too important to risk drawing attention, so it’s a special date night treat rather than Hannibal’s manic look at me come catch me flurry in Europe.

They also psychologically torture each other but it’s mainly just for enrichment in their cage. Will knows hannibal will go crazy and start eating the drywall if he’s bored even a second so he deliberately instigates shit and causes situations just so hannibal has a project. There’s a lot more honesty though when it really matters, the mind games and lying are mostly just a weird sex thing for them, they know where they’re at at the end of it. Hannibal also is running Pavlov-esque experiments on whatever dogs will gets just as something to do and will is begrudgingly okay with it as long as it’s harmless.

Hannibal’s social life is bad because will acts like a deranged lunatic going “you know other men????” Anytime he mentions like. The mailman. But he’s okay with it because will is all that he actually needs and the only person he actually cares to talk to-as long as will still goes with him to parties and operas because if he doesn’t get his little nights out on the town he will kill everyone and then himself. Relationships, it’s all about balance.

[jjs-brainrot]

The temptation to write up a massive essay on Our "Love" is Disgusting gets stronger and stronger every new chapter, but I also feel like I should wait a few more months as we're still in the "setting up all the drama bombs that will blow up in each of these characters' faces" phase...

(Future me): ...Ah fuck, I wrote that essay that I said I'd hold off on anyways (spoilers for up to chapter 8)

Like god damn, this genuinely feels like the type of toxic yuri you could only get from someone with an intimate understanding of the diversity of sexual interest to write 3 very different flavors of aspec character + 1 allo character and have their differing feeling of and wants towards sexuality blow up in each other's faces.

Like I'm only 8 chapters in and I already have so many thoughts on all of these characters.

Azuki being demi-coded and being unable to get over her sexual desire from back when she and Meguru were about to have sex to the point of making endless clay dolls of Meguru's body is already pretty strong characterization, but the extra layer of Azuki not really seeing herself as person as much as a "thing" for other people to use just hit extra hard with me as I often struggle with those feelings often as well.

Her obsessive devotion to Meguru even after they broke up feels less like romantic love and more like Azuki wanting to be Meguru's "thing". Meguru was Azuki's first actual friend who didn't treat her like an oversized gardening tool. The first person she genuinely cared for, loved and had sexual desire for.

Which makes the fact that the last time she saw her was when they were about to have sex, but Meguru noped out in disgust sting all the more.

Meguru is sex-replused but Azuki very much is not. Azuki sees herself as a thing but to be Meguru's thing she would fundamentally have to contort and break parts of what makes her who she is... And she would do it because after all

Meguru is a sex-repulsed ace who was going through a hard time with her parent's divorce and the sexual trauma from walking in on her dad's adultery when she befriended Azuki. Azuki was genuinely an important person Meguru loved and cared about who helped her through a hard time in her life

She did love her but... when she offered up sex to Azuki, hoping Azuki would say no, she had to confront the fact that Azuki did have sexual desire towards her which just caused all of her sexual trauma related to her walking in on her dad's adultery to blow up in her face right before she and Azuki were about to fuck.

Meguru wanted a version Azuki that was sexless but when she's confronted with the reality that Azuki did want to have sex with her, she left instead of trying to confront her trauma.

Maybe that was the right call for her in the moment, but it's clear that years later she's still refusing to actually deal with her trauma and instead has taken up a coat of puritanical disgust at anything remotely sexual.

"Azuki didn't actually love me, she just wanted my body" she tells herself, because actually dealing with the fact that she left someone who actually cared about her would be too much for her otherwise.

...And yet part of her still wants the Azuki she hanged out with, talked about anime with and loved again. That one was the real Azuki right? Not the one that was looking at her body with nothing but lust.

After all... Azuki is a thing.

Remu is a dollfucker.

That is to say she can only really feel sexual attraction towards and masturbate to dolls. Unfortunately for her, it started when she was a young child and having your own parents be disgusted at you for playing in a way that is nonconforming will fucking do a number on you.

That's the kind of shit that wrecks you.

Realizing at an early age that a part of what makes you who you are makes the people who are suppose to love you deeply uncomfortable and in order to actually be loved by them, you have to contort into a fake version of yourself that's devoid of anything that makes other people uncomfortable.

You've become acutely aware that love is conditional and that you can't ever drop the mask around anyone. If they knew you were a freak, they'd leave in an instant...

...Unless they're also a freak.

I'm sure I'll hear the usual fucks bitching about age gap in their fiction at some point once this manga gets more popular, but god damn does seeing Remu be able to be comfortable and open about her perversion for the first time in her life around Azuki hit hard.

Finding someone who matches your freak perfectly and who won't actually shame you for your perversion is the best feeling. As the freak girl who obsessively makes dolls of her ex's body doesn't have any higher standing in society over the freak girl who masturbates while licking doll body parts, so you can just be yourself around each other.

...And of course, the freak girl making doll of her ex's body could make you an incredible doll to jack off to if you commission her...

and also offer up your body to help her make better anatomical of her ex, but you are essentially replacing the dolls of her ex's body with dolls of your body...

also her ex is your step sister...

Needless to say that Azuki has quickly become someone incredibly important to Remu in a short amount of time, probably more then her friends at school... Which is not great for Niji...

Niji is Remu best friend... and also she writing self insert romantic fanfics her and Remu. We've only had one chapter from her POV so there isn't too much examine about her yet but already she has the bulk of the drama bombs armed around her ready to explode.

She seems to be allo and in love with Remu... Or rather the Remu she knows. The Remu who's not good with sex or romance... The pure Remu who isn't a perverted dollfucker who love her.

...So the fact that Remu is in fact a dollfucker who's having a woman way older then her feel her up so that she can make a better doll for Remu to masturbate with is 100% going to explode in her face once she finds out.

The fact that her feelings towards her idolized version of Remu are kind of mirroring Meguru's feelings towards an idolized version she had of Azuki makes me look forward to some incredibly spicy drama in the future.

...Ah fuck, I made an essay when I said I was going to hold off for more chapters. Oh well, go read Our "Love" is Disgusting by Shio Usui if you haven't already.

Do it. Do it now!

[bakuliwrites]

Video Game Fanfiction Table of Contents

Disclaimer: 18+, Minors DNI!!!!!!

Baldur's Gate 3

Just to Be Held (M): Astarion x Tav, His shoulders slump as he releases a heavy sigh. He’s been worn down by your patience, worn down by years of keeping everything to himself. Here you are, offering up companionship without any expectation. Here you are, sitting in front of him, telling him that you actually, for some gods’ forsaken reason, like spending time with him and you’re not expecting any sort of compensation from him. So why is he trying so desperately to push you away? Astarion and Tav share a quiet, peaceful moment together along their journey. Astarion learns that he is valued and loved. Tumblr, AO3

The Elder Scrolls

Devotion (18+): Cicero x Listener, He worships her, every piece of her. All of his Listener must be worshipped, as ordained. Cicero, sweet Cicero, eager to please. Eager to serve. His lips on hers, his hands roving, searching, exploring. Venerating. He dies inside her, and it is glorious. He would die a thousand times in her, as many times as she wanted. Immolating in her light over and over and over again. Cicero is unsure of this new Listener, but his feelings are muddled and confusing. What will happen when the Listener is forced to choose to take or spare his life? Tumblr, AO3.

Legend of Zelda

Ebb and Flow (18+): Prince Sidon x Reader, “I will not accept that all we’re meant to be are star-crossed lovers,” Sidon states passionately, his tone filled with a steady resolve, “I cannot accept it. Was it not here that I pledged myself to you? And you to me? Was it not here that we promised our hearts to one another? Aren’t we more than just crossing tides?” Sidon is given earth shattering news. His duty as a Zora Prince outweighs all else. But how can he accept that when his love for you is so deep? Tumblr, AO3.

Stardew Valley

Love Letters (18+): Elliott x Reader, My Muse! You inspire in me such vivid dreams that when I wake to find my bed empty, I despair! I ache for you, body and soul. How I long to return to you, scoop you up in my arms, and ravish you from evening until dawn (Beyond dawn! For dawn does not limit my undying love, my eternal passion for you). Though weary from this whirlwind tour, I am never too weary to show you the depths of my adoration for you. I will return to you early next week, and I am beside myself with excitement. Elliott returns home from his book tour and the Farmer has a sultry surprise for him. Tumblr, AO3.

Dark Souls

Lunar Halo (18+): Gwyndolin x OC, Gods do not require witnesses. So in the sanctity of the Holy Church of Anor Londo, Gwyndolin weds a mortal woman, a marriage that takes place with sightless statues and eyeless stained glass figures for guests. Veiled by cloth woven of moonlight, Gwyndolin guides his Beloved Star to the altar. Her robes are redolent of the night that enshrouds the earth, glimmering diamonds and sweeping swathes of indigo pooling around her feet as she glides up the aisle. Iridescent moonstone enamels her hand and with the promise of fealty, of love for eternity, the Dark Sun is wed. And a mortal has been anointed his wife. A tale of how the Dark Sun came to love a woman born of the Dark Soul. AO3

Fire Emblem

Restless (18+): Xander x F!Reader, As leader of the combined Hoshidan and Nohrian armies, you find yourself growing restless one night, plagued with troubling thoughts. You decide some fresh air and quiet reflection under the stars might do you some good; but, you run into Xander, also lost in thought, and decide to spend some time together. AO3

Slip Away (18+): Xander x Gender-Neutral Reader, Xander finds himself unable to unwind at his birthday party, until a certain someone whisks him away. Tumblr, AO3

To Walk a Path of Light (M): Jeritza von Hrym x GN!Byleth, Jeritza’s desire for Byleth was sparked long before the goddess had even conceived of either of their forms. Their fates have always been intertwined... Long after the war has ended, Jeritza seeks out a familiar face, while the Death Knight seeks a battle. Tumblr, AO3

Gentle (18+): Jeritza Von Hrym x OC, "She is soft. And in her softness, she dissolves whatever sharpness, whatever edge I have. In perfumed sheets and gilded sunlight, I am, for a moment, vulnerable. My gentility clambers out from where it's been buried deep for so many years. The Death Knight dies in her embrace, and from him blooms a new creature." Jeritza finds himself drawn to one of Garreg Mach's newest professors. Tumblr: Chapter 1, AO3

[yoursweetheartsrevenge]

Disease - Chapter Eleven - Goodbye - Ettore

Summary: Ettore finds himself face to face with a new inmate, his ex. Will their tragic circumstances bring them closer together or be the end of them?

Read on Ao3

Masterlist

Warnings: smut, violence, murder, MINORS DNI, 18+

Word Count: 2.5K+

Chapter 11 - Goodbye - Ettore

His head was on her belly. His arm was draped around her prone body cushioning her in a squeeze of a hug. His lips gently kissed that beauty mark on her hand. 

“I should have used my words.” 

After months together on this ship Ettore had finally let himself break down. He didn’t know what their future held, but he knew he needed to tell her what had happened. 

“You’re right.” She mused pushing her fingers through his hair, nearly long enough to tug. “But I understand. Now I understand.” 

He had come to her tonight. 

Ettore had planned that he would enact his loose idea of a plan right before Dibs could figure out who fathered Amelia’s child. He hadn’t woken her, just laid his head on her belly, a bit lumpy and hard from the early stages of pregnancy. 

His baby. 

He recalled that over and over again before he told her. 

Ettore had been scared that night. Of himself mostly. He did love her. He always loved her, but something had broken inside him letting his monster free. The years of not taking control had taken over him as if he were a rubber band finally snapped. He took whatever loss of control to heart. 

That man had taken his girl. 

She had taken as well. It was in her right to take her revenge. He had felt that monster burn inside. 

He was so afraid when he finally let his hands from around her throat. 

He could do that to her again. 

Ettore WOULD do that to her again. 

There was too much love there to allow himself that sliver of happiness. 

He could not risk harming her again so he removed himself from the equation. He let his anger and hurt out in terrible ways on others. She wasn’t there to rein him in. Amelia wasn’t there to offer him his name as anchor back to the reality they shared together. 

He drove himself away to never hurt her again. 

Now he was here, resting on her belly filled with life. He was hurting her again this way too. Ettore supposed he couldn’t help himself in hurting her. Perhaps that was the price of love, a tug between hurt and absolute devotion. He nuzzled his nose into her skin, feeling her pet his him softly. 

“You’re here. You’re here now. That’s what matters most.” She continued to play with his hair and tickle his nose. Her fingers tugged at the warm edges of his ears. 

He whimpered a bit. 

“I didn’t forget you. I’ll never forget you.” Her voice was so soft and full of wanting. 

Ettore looked up at her from under his lashes. He suckled at her hand feeling his body react to her touch. If this was the last night they spent together he wanted her here and now. 

Just like this. 

He moved, a predator in only a small sense. She seemed to welcome his lips with open arms. He pressed gently to her so she could feel his hardness. Amelia lowered his boxers so that he was able to kick them off his ankles. Her fingers tugged at his ears again as he continued to kiss her. He couldn’t count how many times she said his name. 

Each time made his heart sing, skip beats. 

This was what it was like to be in love he thought. 

This was what it was like to love someone so much it made his heart hurt to part from her. 

“I will never leave you again.” He told her. 

He watched her face. Ettore wanted Amelia to believe him. He wanted her to know it wasn’t just him anymore. It had never been just him. From the moment he met her, he knew he had endangered himself to anchor himself to her. 

Her love had hurt him. 

Her love had saved him. 

Their love would kill them both if given the chance. 

“Stop acting like this is the last time.” She said when he sheathed himself fully inside her. Amelia’s fingers pulled at his hair. “It will work. It will all work out.”

Ettore could not save himself from falling into kissing her. His hips were slow to press into her. He had never been more careful with her body then he was now. He minded himself as he moved slowly into her letting his thumb tease her clit as he moved. With each stroke she whimpered against his lips that never left hers. 

His name was whispered against his flesh. 

“I’ll never leave you again. Both of you.” He did not press too hard into that little bump. 

He felt the tears gather at the corner of his eyes. The pleasure built inside him nearly boiling over. He felt her hand against the small of his back encouraging him to roll his hips against her a little harder. 

“I love you, Ettore.” Amelia breathed. Her voice was high and deliciously on the edge of her own desire. “It’ll work. We’ll be happy. We’ll be together. I never want anyone else. Only you. Only you, Ettore . . .”

His name. 

His name on her plush and raw lips was all he ever wanted to hear. 

Ettore didn’t want this love making to end. 

Yes, he knew he wasn’t fucking her. 

Ettore was making love to the only person who would ever love him, the only person HE would ever love. 

Her hips pushed up to meet him. Her lovely little sounds were so soft and beautiful as he cried. Fuck, he didn’t hate that he was feeling so good that tears were spilling from his face. When he felt her kiss and lick his tears, a pureness escaped him he did not know existed within him. He breathed out letting his eyes close, crying more as he released inside her, an orgasm that blinded him to all reality they shared together. 

Hers was small and controlled though he felt her little nails dig into her. 

Amelia peppered him with kisses not stopping the momentum even as they both came down from their high. 

“Don’t leave me.” 

“I won’t. I promise.” He palmed her belly. There was fear in Amelia’s eyes. He hated seeing that. He kissed her cheeks feeling how vulnerable he was naked on top of the woman he loved. “As long as I have breath in me -” 

She cut him off with a kiss. 

“But I take your breath away.” She teased with a sweet little smile that slowly verged on devilish. 

He watched her, the emotions wave in and out of her face. 

Uncertainty.

Hope. 

Love. 

Desire. 

Anxiety. 

Trust. 

This woman trusted him. She loved him. He could not fail her. 

He would not fail her. 

There was a dark silence that fell in the room. He saw Amelia turn her head toward the doorway of the the little room. He knew what that meant. His hand snaked under her pillow to grab at the scalpel. 

“You.” Was all Dibs said. 

Ettore acted. All his rage at the doctor for hurting HIS girl bubbled up to his fingers wrapped hard around the metal weapon. His entire strength pushed her against the wall. She struggled. Dibs was stronger then he imagined, but the scalpel buried within her collarbone. His soft cock pressed against her hip causing a bit of pain as he caged her against the wall and himself. 

She bit at his hand that went to cover hee mouth. Ettore twisted the knife into her flesh deeper feeling the hardness of her collarbone as the blade moved. Blood bubbled from the cut. 

“You hurt her.” It was a hiss. 

“But you chose to kill her, you fuckin’ idiot.” It was muffled, but he could hear it as she struggled to survive the wound. 

“No, we are leaving.” 

It sounded so much stronger out loud than in his head. His hand slunk into the doctor’s pocket for the key to one of the escape pods. He had been secretly studying the scamatics of the thing for weeks, instead of sleeping. He had broken into the offices he needed to gain this information. Dibs rarely had the keys except on certain days when she had opened the pods for yearly maintence. 

Tonight had been one of those nights. 

“You won’t survive.” He heard the uncertainty in her voice. He pulled the scalpel out, stabbing her. 

One. 

Two. 

Three times in succession.

“You can’t control us anymore. You’ll never hurt her again.” The body fell in a slow slump to the floor. 

He turned to Amelia, the bloody scalpel in his hand. She was crying, a soft flow of tears flowing from her face. 

“I didn’t want this for you.” 

“It was needed. I would do anything for you.” He was on his knees beside her, keys and bloody scalpel in each hand. He kissed away her tears. “Is that why . . . you killed him? Back then? You didn’t want that sin on my soul?” Her little nod was slow and easy. “You can’t save me, love. You can only cage me in.” He rubbed his nose against her, sniffing in her natural smell. 

It made him hard, just being here with her, smelling her sweat drenched flesh and salty tears. 

“Let’s go.” He whispered, giving her a sweet kiss on her temple. 

He dressed. He grabbed his boxers, rolling them over his cock which was half hard. He heard her little sigh and giggle. Amelia palmed his covered cock. He warned her not to. They were on a time limit now. They might have a lifetime of desire if they pulled this off. He found a pair of slacks and a dark black shirt. 

Amelia pulled herself out of bed. 

Fuck, she was gorgeous, long hair she pulled back with her little hair tie, white shirt that he could clearly see her pert little nipples, and soft low hanging black pants. He held her up under her armpit. She leaned against him even though she didn’t need much help. Her face snuggled into whatever surface she could get from him. 

Ettore could feel how hot she was. 

“I didn’t realize murder turned you on.” He joked as they passed Dibs body. 

“Not murder,” She cooed. “You protected me. You are protecting us.” Her eyes motioned down to that little bump covered by her slacks. 

“We’ll be okay, love. My beautiful girl.” Ettore kissed her forehead. 

They moved out of the room. 

The pair were careful when moving on the eerily silent ship. Their feet padded softly though Ettore felt they were too loud. Her little breaths were soft against his skin as she squeezed close to him. She was relying on him. It frightened him to realize in that moment two people would be relying on him. 

The responsibility of it hit him with a bit of a tremble. 

He could focus on that fear once they were in the pod. 

Ettore could focus on the rest of their lives once he smelt the dirt of earth again and not the fake -

Tcherny was standing between them and the entrance of the pod. He had a set of tools next to him. They had all been put away. He felt Amelia slowly pull the scalpel from his hand. The older man’s eyes slowly looked over Ettore and Amelia. They fell on Amelia’s belly. 

The two men made eye contact. 

***

Ettore was buckling her into the escape pod. He made sure the harness was tight, but not tight enough to hurt the baby. He stroked her little bump looking down at it. He let himself imagine it getting larger, feeling it swell with life, even feeling the little life kick within her. He ignored the blood that he now realized was staining his hands. 

“Do you think it’ll be okay?” There was the fear in her eyes again. 

“I don’t know.” He admitted. 

They would have to be in hyper sleep for three years while the pod made its way back to Earth. He had already plugged in the directions. He had settled on their time. He’d wake up a little earlier then her to make sure things were okay. Ettore didn’t know much passed getting them into hyper sleep. He certainly hadn’t thought of if their baby would survive. 

He hoped. 

Ettore really hoped. 

He leaned down to kiss her belly one last time. 

“I want it to be.” She said through teary eyes and a wide smile. “I want us to be okay.” He held the side of her face. Her cheek was so soft and round, not the swallow cheek he saw when she first got on the ship. He pressed his forehead to hers before kissing her there, then her lips. 

It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but one that held devotion, promise, and joy. 

“I love you, Amelia. No matter what happens. No matter what. Just . . . know that.” His thumb ran over her lower lip. 

He let her say one last thing before letting her go into a three year sleep for their journey. 

“I love you, Ettore. I came here for you. I am leaving with you and so much more.” Her fingers tickled her belly. 

He punched in the code to put her to sleep. Slowly her seat rolled back. A slick shield covered and molded to her body, protecting every aspect of her. His heart leapt into his throat at the thought their child might not survive the hyper sleep. That maybe they might not survive. 

If this was the last time, he was content with that. 

Neither of them were good people. 

Neither of them deserved to escape, to be happy, but they were selfish. 

They wanted to live. 

They wanted their love to survive.

He could be his best self with her. 

If they deserved to live, they deserved to live together. 

Once she fell into her deep sleep he moved to press in the pod’s course. It disconnected from the prison ship with a resounding hiss. Fuck, he wouldn’t miss it. He’d rather die in space than rot on that vessel. However, memories of their time there settled in him. 

He had reconnected with her there. 

They had conceived their child there. 

Those memories would stay with him forever. 

He settled beside her in his own seat. Ettore let the audio pilot of the pod begin to work as he was strapped in and slowly rolled back to fall into a three year sleep with her. He wished he could hold her hand. His fingers twitched to reach out to her. Instead he let his eyes focus to the cold white ceiling covered in a film of blue lights. 

It reminded him of the bar he met her at. 

The club with pulsing music echoed in his head as the shield covered him. 

He remembered whirling around to see her for the first time. 

She was against his type. 

Amelia was everything he didn’t want. 

In the end, she was everything he ever needed. 

She was perfect. 

She was his. 

It was his last thought before the sleep faded his vision to black.

Author’s Note: Despite the title of this chapter this is not the end. We have one more chapter, an epilogue of sorts. When I was writing this I knew I wanted a happy ending, not only because sad endings really put me in a funk, but because it was something I had not seen before in a story about Ettore (not that he deserves a happy ending in those other fics). I decided on this ending before I realized the actual logistics of the lore established (three years in space!). After my initial how do I get out of this feeling I decided it’s my story I’ll make up what I want lol High Life is already a pretty bizarre film so more suspension of belief is not uncalled for.

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Ahh it's the last day of 2023 already?

I am expecting a call from a friend although the possibility of this happening is very slim it always felt nice to hear the voice of an old friend ( I'm not a text person I've realised this over time but I am stuck to be a text person) .

I can't wait for spring to come in 2024 , spring provides an intense amount of healing to my soul.

The next four months are very crucial in my life if they go well I can survive the rest of the year, I have died a couple of times this year and I am amazed that I am alive i didn't honestly thought i would make it to the end of this year ( especially in the last 3 months , I badly needed help but i didn't wanted others to pity me so i spoke to none about it ) anyways I don't want to talk about it , i don't want to make it sound blue than it already is,a i am really sorry about the fact all my posts are blue I sincerely wish it wasn't that way( altho i haven't posted anything here with as much as devotion I use to do , partly cuz i created an Instagram acc but that's not all reason I ve been sad nonetheless) and sorry for all the "anon/asks" that i haven't answered

I have made no achievements this year and there is little to no progress towards my self love or self growth, but I think that's okay I can do it in the upcoming year, time flies so quick i can't believe Its been so many years since I was 16 I miss being 16 honestly I had more in me back then than i have now , i have lost of confidence my vision and my smile over the years it's as if I am very different person now , i certainly wish I wasn't this way i really thought i would be so much more and better in my early 20s but it is what it is , acceptance is haredest of all emotions in my opinion , you know things are harder to accept when you know you could have done better .

Just like in the last 2 years even this year I didn't make any real life friends with whom I can hang out with i think it's partly due to the fact some people are destined to be alone and I am afraid to admit I am one of them , I did make 2 online friends this year .

I don't want to share any life lessons i learnt this year but if there is something i would love to share is choose yourself one more time each time you feel it's the last time you are doing it , choose one more time to live,one more time to hope, one more time to have faith , one more time to start again [ the fact I am the one telling you this is rediciculosly funny ] .

Unlike most people i don't have a lot of goals for the new year I just got things i want to avoid ( idk if that's the same thing?) Avoid my leftover heart's heartbreak, avoiding what takes away my peace, avoiding what can cause me discomfort, avoiding things that make me question myself ( in any negative way) ,i think that's a little too much but that's it .

As I was writing this Google photos sent me a notification saying " 3 years back today with a photo of mine " and it broke my heart a little, now I am questioning myself how did i let so much happen to me , I wish I treated certain things as the last time instead of always stupidly believing in future ( my worse trait yes).

There is a lot to say as always, i wonder if I open my mouth i would never stop sharing things that go inside my mind , but i also know there is no use of it if i can't find people who can understand it , maybe that's how I end up ranting here .

Not to mention I love people who are patient, i believe in the near future i would only like to talk with people who could be patient with me and with my silence . I believe everyone deserves people who can be patient with them .

Nothing really matters in the end but at the same time everything you do matters ❤️‍🩹

[foolondahill17]

Annual Favorite Supernatural Fic Rec List of 2023:

I bookmarked 66 fics in 2023 (and read…a lot more than that), but only 9 were written/updated in this year of our lord. SMH we gotta pump out more content, friends. Seriously though, I’ve got several more 2023 fic reads in my Marked for Later, but some are still WIPs or I just haven’t gotten around to picking them up yet. I’m sure some (like the much-hyped Lighthouse Keeper AU where there is darkness by the talented quiettewandering [@wanderingcas on tumblr]) will end up on my Bookmarked favs…but, alas, they’ll just have to wait for the 2024 recap.

The list below is in no particular order, barring the first, which has joined the ranks of one-of-my-favorite-fics-ever:

A Cliff That Knew Too Many Tides by luulapants (@luulapants)

E, early series Dean/others, 94,508 words

Partial Summary:

A canon rewrite AU diverging from the events of Some Cruel Tide, in which a shifter disguised as his father used Dean's blind obedience to molest him. By the start of S1, Dean's relationship with his father is more strained, his devotion more intense, and his life consumed by the need to hide the parts of himself he is most ashamed of.

My words:

If you’ve been looking for a gay!Dean manifesto, you’ve found it. Obviously, the subject matter is dark: warnings for past childhood sexual abuse, internal and external homophobia, past suicide attempt, and traumatic outing. It is also beautiful and heart-wrenching and scratches the swollen, itchy, weeping rash on my heart in a way that only the balm of good Dean angst can.  

Favorite part:

“I wasn’t acting out,” he blurted.

“What?”

“When I – I wasn’t trying to act out or anything.” Deacon’s presence hovered behind him like an aura, and Dean reminded himself, Don’t rock the boat. Don’t rock the boat.

Dad sighed. The line crackled, and Dean pictured him standing in a phone booth somewhere, probably huddled up against the cold. “Then what the hell would you call it?”

Dean tried out a few words in his head, imagining how they’d sound to Deacon. He ended up with, “I misunderstood. I thought I was supposed to.”

Asterism of an F-Series Ford Pick Up by disabled_dean (@disabled-dean)

M, Destiel, 17,408 words

Partial Summary:

When you've been to hell, desire is isolating and ugly.

Or: Cas drives his truck for a case and Dean is exceptionally horny about it

My words:

The way Dean’s PTSD is described in this fic, like a slow, oozing poison that awakens the longer he and Cas travel together, is tantalizing and masterful. Ostensibly, this fic is about Dean and Cas road-tripping to a case. It’s actually about how you, a monster-hunter, can come to terms (or not) with your body and soul when you think you’ve become the very thing you’re spent your whole life hunting.

 Favorite part:

"Like everything will be going fine and then all of a sudden I just. Can’t. I can't stand it. And the more fine everything is, the worse it gets and I feel-" he breaks off, eyes on his hands like they aren't his hands, thumb rubbing over and over the ring on his index finger, "It's like everyone else is living this normal fucking life and I'm still back in the pit."

Personal Space: The Final Frontier by botley

M, Destiel, Star Trek AU, WIP, 63,570 words

Partial summary

"Captain's Log, Stardate 10918.8. Captain Ellen Harvelle reporting, First Officer… Castiel… attending. After a month of bargaining with the Gehennian government, efforts to permit a search party within the Rack facilities still proved unsuccessful. Although Starfleet’s orders dictated we tuck tail and leave, I elected to disregard this decision and beam a rescue operations team down for the recovery of Lieutenant Commander Dean Winchester.”

My words:

This fic has been on my rec lists before. It’s still a WIP, but it very unexpectedly posted an update after a 3(?) year hiatus, so I’ll cling to hope until my fingernails leave a bloody, mauled mess.  This is basically a Star Trek AU where our favorite Supernatural gang are fucking around in Starfleet instead of the Midwest. Fantastic stuff – worth the read even if it does remain unfinished.

Favorite line:

"Dean made a face. Castiel decided the man was hideous."

Receding by minkmix

T, early season gen, 38,729 words

Summary:

After a visit to an old, abandoned theme park in the desert, Sam begins to notice strange lapses in Dean's memory. As his brother starts to disappear before his eyes, Sam must rush to find an answer before there isn't anything left to save... My words: A Lucky Charms fic if I’ve ever read one. Delicious, crunchy marshmallow goodness of some fantastic Dean!whump and panicked caretaker!Sam with the solid undercurrent of slightly sweetened amalgamized oat and corn cereal of a solid case fic. Yum.

 Favorite part:

“Sammy?” Dean cut him off.

“W-What is it?”

“What’s Dad’s name?”

Sam’s chest heaved as he fought himself from sounding as stunned as he felt.

“John.”

Swan Upon Leda by kelsstiel (@kelstiel)

E, Destiel real-world AU, 174,096 words

Summary:

Pediatric Surgery Fellow Dean Winchester meets baby Jack Kline and neuropsychologist Castiel Novak his first week on the job. Dean’s been accused a time or two of caring a little too much in the past and it’s hard not to care about the neurotic adoptive father and his medically needy preemie. After a series of run-ins between the pair, Dean and Cas develop a friendship that everyone else around them suspect more from immediately, though it takes them a little longer to get the memo. When Dean struggles with a particularly devastating patient loss, their mutual understanding of loss and love bring them closer in a way that neither of them could have expected.

My words: A solid, old-fashioned romantic AU. It’s unpretentious, fluffy, heart-warming, authentic and the kind of could-have-been-a-novel goodness that makes up the heart and breadth of fanfiction. Warning for infant illness and death (not Jack).

Favorite part:

"I know they say there’s a chance, but I’ve just got this feeling .” She shook her head and looked down for a moment. She looked up again and took a deep breath as if steadying herself. “I wish I could see you grow up.”

five minutes to six by saintedcastiel  (@saintedcastiel)

M, Destiel real-world AU, 23,383 words

Summary:

Castiel Novak has been the co-host of Good Morning, Lawrence! for a little over ten years when he stumbles across the story of a lifetime. But after a producer pulls the segment and tells him to forget it, Castiel begins to wonder who's really pulling the strings. Can he bring the truth to light while somehow managing to keep his co-host, and the man he loves, in the dark?

 My words: Another Goddamn quality AU. This one is a little quippier and fast paced than the Hospital AU above, but it’s full of fantastic characterization and even a last-minute breaking and entering romp. Fun that’s perfect for the whole family!

Favorite part:

“Been asking you out all week.” Dean tells him, and Castiel realizes all at once he’s right.

“Oh my god.” Castiel laughs. “You have.”

This Is Not My Beautiful Wife by luckshiptoshore (@luckshiptoshore)

T, Destiel, one-shot, 4,755 words

Summary:

“Dean,” says the man again. “This isn’t real. You need to come with me, now.”

Dean’s been zoning out again. But he can’t escape the feeling that something’s very, very wrong … and wherever he goes, a strange man in a trench coat follows.

My words: You gotta love the Djinn dream trope. This one has everything you want in a caught-in-a-fake-reality-while-your-lover-pleads-for-you-to-return-to-the-waking-world story, plus an extra dash of on-point characterization and some truly imaginative scenarios for Dean’s alternate realities.  

 Favorite part:

“We could look into adoption,” says Cas. “If you’d like. Of course we could also simply take a child, but I think that’s frowned on."

we really shouldn't be doing this by LoversAntiquities (@tragidean)

E, Destiel, 17,138 words

Summary:

After Castiel goes missing for a week, Dean finds him in an abandoned cemetery in the middle of nowhere Kansas, suffering from a mysterious welt. Only, as the hours go on, the deeper the curse grows—and Dean finds more than he bargained for, namely on every surface he and Castiel can find.

My words: This is more straight-up (not straight) porn than I usual rec, but this is a fantastic take on the from-sex-to-love fic where everyone was already in love to begin with. There’s a hefty sprinkle of idiots-to-lovers and sex-curse. Also angst, which is my bread and butter.

Favorite line:

Castiel stares up at him, his eyes gone soft, hooded. Dean thumbs over his eyelid, just to watch it flutter shut. “I’m not solely interested in you for your hands, or your mouth. They are wonderful attributes, but I don’t long for them so much as I long for you.” He leans into Dean’s palm and kisses the center. “I don’t know when I fell in love with you, but it would take the death of the universe to get me to stop.”

Postpartum Prometheus by babbyspanch, saltslimes (@dragqueenpentheus @nifedick)

E, Destiel, technically mpreg, WIP, 18,959 words

Summary

Welcome to the Supernatural renaissance. Welcome to Castiel and the terrible naissance.

My words: warning for the fact that this is technically an mpreg fic even though Castiel is an angel and not really a man. Warning, also, because this is another WIP that hasn’t been updated since the beginning of the year, so I don’t know if it’ll be finished. Basically, Dean and Cas bump uglies to unexpected results. Cas kinda freaks without telling Dean he’s his baby daddy. He also yanks out his intestines so said baby can be nice and comfortable in there. Funny and angsty.

Favorite part:

“Are those—?”

“Yeah.” He waves his hand at the door again, starting to feel like one of those used car lot inflatable men, limbs akimbo. “A total murderer looking guy just bolted that way. And not like— the regular murderer-looking people who come in.”

“And he left his organs.” Dennis thinks a moment, and then shrugs, as if this isn’t the weirdest thing he’s ever seen. He’s been working here longer than anyone Henry knows, maybe it isn’t. He opens his mouth and Henry can’t help hoping some miracle plan of action is going to fall out of it. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Um. What?”

“I don’t want to offend you.” He pauses, brows furrowed. He rolls Henry’s cup over in his hand. “What is a ‘FABINISTA’?”

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