#but I have an immense high respect for artist that also do their own writing and worldbuilding and everything

[nevarroes]

I looooove ur art ❤️ prioritize drawing what you want to draw, so do OCs and original content if that makes you happier, maybe spend less time thinking of how you feel making fanart makes you a lesser artist. It comes across as you thinking less of people for doing it, even though I’m sure this isn’t what you’re going for. And you are under no obligation to answer every ask as well, so, if some make you feel negatively like that, you should be able to toss them 😤😤

thank you🌹 but honestly I already draw the only thing that makes me happy. And, and I'm sorry for saying it like this, but I really don't care what it comes across as. If someone wants to interpret my personal struggle with art as an attack on other artists then that's on them I just don't have the energy to make every take nuanced and consider everyone especially in... random tags sorry man

[stray-kids-react]

S/O likes enjoys writing/writing lyrics

Masterlist

...

Bang Chan

° You owned this special and locked diary for years, where you kept all your bottles up emotions and feelings in.

° One of those feelings evolving your long time crush on Chan, including the words 'Sexy, Cute, Inspirational, Hot, Prince, and A Literal Angel' all in quite a few pages. Luckily your now long time boyfriend has never seen these fangirl/boy paragraphs.

° Chan was all of those words, no doubt about it. But it is still hard to look at those paragraphs without cringing at how desperate you sounded in your mind.

° Chan however apparently loved your affectionate paragraphs, flipping through the pages as you walked through his studio door. Your heart sank as pure shock and terror rushed through your veins. No one wants their private thoughts to be read.

° The tips of Chan's ears were firetruck red, as a beaming grin flashed towards you. You noted that he read through the entire diary, knowing all the dreams and wishes you had that involved him. No skeletons were left in your closet anymore, it was bittersweet.

"So you really think I'm an angel who is also the sexiest person on earth?" he teased, cupping your face in his palms.

"Well duh, but you can't tell me you didn't think anything like that towards me-" You defended, cut off by his sweet kisses.

Lee Know

° Minho found out about your true feelings towards him while reading some song lyrics you wanted to show 3Racha.

° He needed to know who you loved and admired so dearly after reading this, constantly by your side questioning anything he could. After literal weeks of conspiracy, you couldn't take his suspicion anymore and admitted everything.

° You are now much more secretive with your songs that you've written, but that won't stop Minho from looking everywhere he possibly can. He is determined to find them.

° After so many large steps that were taken in your relationship, he wants to see how you truly felt throughout them. From the first date, first time, to the promise ring he fave you last week. Minho wants to say it's to tease, when it's truly because he loves you.

° He loved the way his stomach did kart wheels as his heart fluttered when he first read your words. He hasn't felt that amazing feeling in a while and needs to re live it, luckily for him he noticed a place he has never thought of checking.

"So kitten, you really want to marry me don't you?" he commented, a soft smirk across his glowing features.

"Why wouldn't I? You're you. And how'd you find those?!" you replied, tone changing as you saw how many he actually had.

Changbin

° Changbin was struggling to create a new song, he seemed to accidently make similar beats and lyrics to their past hits.

° You would sometime write up different songs when you were bored, but you never showed them to anyone thinking they weren't great. But Changbin looked in need of some type of inspiration, so you brought out your journal and placed it infront of him.

° His expression was unreadable, either about to thank you for the amazing inspiration or laugh at your cheesy words. You just wanted him to say something.

° Changbin began to smile shyly, showing you a page he just read over. That page happened to be the most recent and the one you completely forgot about. It was a draft about 10 different ways you could tell Changbin that you loved him.

° You really wanted it to be special when you would say it to him, but luck didn't seem to be on your side that day. You were at least glad that he was smiling, showing positive signs that he isn't feeling awkward or doesn't feel the same way about you.

"I love you too my adorable bean." He chuckled, pulling you into his lap as he held you close to his racing heart beat.

"I'm guessing he new comeback is going to be a love song now?" you teased, burrowing into his soft black hoodie.

Hyunjn

° Your relationship use to be a cat and mouse situation, one day you two were best friends and then the next you two were rivals.

° Your anger and frustration towards one another was simply a way to hide your true emotions. Both of you found each other attractive in and out, but were too stubborn to confess. That is until he walked into your room and pressed you up against the wall.

° Your rivalry left out the door once you started dating, the only ounce of it was left in the small playful bickering and teasing. Which happened every day of the week.

° You walked into the dressing rooms, noticing Han and Felix giggling as your presence became known. This wasn't a usual giggle of theirs, something was going on. You knew that for sure once you saw the way Hyunjin presented himself.

° A sly smirk across his lips as a couple crumpled peace of paper were in between his fingers. His steps were long and powerful, as he held his head up high while nearing you. This usually meant he found something to tease you with.

"I didn't know you liked me for five years, coming up with so many cute pet names if we ever dated." He teased, hiding his blush.

"First of all, you went through my desk without asking me. Second of all, I am whipped for you dumb dumb." You replied.

Han

° You weren't a very vocal person, having trouble expressing your thoughts and emotions through words everyday.

° That reason alone is also why people think you and Han are a perfect match. He helped you come out of your shell and be comfortable in your own skin. All of those actions sent your heart into a frenzy, finding there way into pages filled with emotion.

° Han knew about your habit of writing cute quotes on your palms and arms, or just randomly taking out your journal and starting a new page.

° He respected your privacy even if the temptation of knowing every little thought you have was very very strong, he held back and let you write in peace. However, when you dropped your journal without knowing. Han held it and the temptation took over.

° As you had a chat with Seungmin, he turned around from your eye sight and flipped through the pages. Many of them expressing how much you love him and how much he helped you without him even knowing. This effected Han immensely.

"Hannie are you crying?" you questioned, noticing the forming gloss over his sparkling chocolate orbs.

"Yeah, but it's happy tears. I just never knew how much you cared about me, and it makes me feel important." He explained.

Felix

° You cannot hide anything from this adorable koala, he knows you too well and can find anything you've hidden from him.

° You learned this the hard way when you asked him for help when forgetting where you left your journal, panicking since the last place you saw it was at Minho's. Felix knew you usually placed it near your bed and assumed it to be under the covers.

°His assumption was spot on, but you had no idea that he had found it yet. Felix took this advantage to skim through a few pages, smiling at the sight of his name in the book.

° His name was mentioned ever since the day you first met, January 7th 2017. He was written as this attractive aussie that had your knees weak, he laughed silently at the realization that you fancied him since the first day you met. He loved it.

° Felix walked out with the navy blue book tight in his grip, his ears a bright shade of red. You knew he must've read some sort of page about him, but you weren't nervous about it. It couldn't have been anything more cheesy than what you say on dates.

"I can't believe Han knew about your crush on me that entire time." Felix chuckled, shock filling his expression.

"And I can't believe you never knew how much I truly admired you." You teased back, kissing his freckle speckled cheeks.

Seungmin

° Seungmin met you at a library, you were working on a soft poem about not being able to find the right person.

° That whole meeting seemed like something right off of a romance movie or fanfiction novel. Writing about giving up on love as an amazing guy happens to cross paths with you. But both of you laugh at the whole cliché nature of your meeting.

° Seungmin loved how you wrote, taking him into the story each time. He felt so special whenever he found something referring to your relationship, feeling fuzzy inside.

° He liked to bring some of your poems on tour with him, reminding him to stay strong when being away from you. Letting him know that you'll always be there for him when he needs you, even if you are both countries away from each other.

° Felix once found his stash of poems that you wrote, he never teased him on it but would still smile excitedly at how sentimental Seungmin was becoming. Seungmin knew he was becoming cheesy and mushy, he hated yet loved it.

"Do you know how much you have effected me?" he questioned, tracing the curve of your jaw with his thumb.

"Or maybe you have an addiction to me, ever think of that?" you responded, smiling widely as he rolled his eyes at your words.

Jeongin

° You worked under JYP entertainment to help create songs for different groups, Jeongin noticed you during his break.

° You rarely got to work with Stray Kids since they made 99% of their own songs, but that didn't stop Jeongin from trying to get to know you. It worked in his favor, since you began to develop a living in him after two months of hang out together.

° Jeongin likes hearing certain songs you create or in the process of being created, cheering you on and telling all of his members when you created a song.

° He liked to give you the credit and appreciation you rarely get, most of the credit going towards the artist who performed the songs you created. Jeongin wanted to let you know how proud he was of you daily, even if you got shy from it.

° Whenever you showed him different samples of songs you were working on, he'd dance in his seat with a beaming smile. Even when you were tired and wanted the day to end, his admiration and addicting smile would make your mood change instantly.

"I am just worried because JYP has been pretty harsh on the past few songs." You sighed, tired and frustrated.

"He literally wrote a song about women's butts. I'm pretty sure you're more talented baby." He reassured, patting your head.

[ingek73]

Juneteenth

STORY by Team at Archewell

Jun. 16, 2021

YOUNG POETS OF GET LIT SHARE POWERFUL WORDS TO COMMEMORATE THE DAY

In honor of Juneteenth, we, at Archewell, connected with our friends at Get Lit and asked them to share poetry to honor this important day. We hope their poignant words allow you to reflect on the significance of this newly declared federal holiday in the United States and its impact across this country and around the world.

AND HOLD, AND HOLD

CORTUNAY MINOR AND TAMIA JACKSON

WHY THEY WROTE THIS POEM:

“When I wrote this poem, just a few weeks before June 15th, Juneteenth wasn’t yet a federal or national holiday. It wasn’t something I’d given much thought to, but when I had recognized that fact, it wasn’t information, it was confirmation. At first, I was upset about it. My immediate thoughts were along the lines of, ‘Where are our fireworks? Where’s our three-day weekend?’ But in reflection, I realized that this was demonstrating continued deference to a supposedly superior entity. Juneteenth isn’t the ‘Black Independence Day,’ it’s the only Independence Day. To have that nationally recognized feels amazing. But whether or not the date is printed in every calendar does not validate this holiday. We do.”

WHY SHE ANIMATED THIS PIECE:

“This poem, especially for Juneteenth, really inspired me. The color palette expresses the somber yet hopeful emotions that happen when black freedom is discussed, and what it means to be a Black individual in America. This poem as well as the visuals really emphasizes the impact that Black people have by simply existing, and the importance of our breath. We know that as long as we’re still breathing there can and will be change, and ultimately full freedom.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Cortunay Minor (she/they) is a performing artist who specializes in Stage Acting and Spoken Word Poetry. They are currently pursuing a bachelor’s degree in Theater from the UCLA School of Theater, Film, and Television. The theme and goal that Minor tries to hold in the heart of their artistry is liberation, be that emotional, intellectual, or otherwise. Expression and education are two of the most fruitful paths Minor has found that achieve that liberation, and she is immensely grateful to be able to participate in a craft that allows their simultaneous occurrence.

ABOUT THE ANIMATOR:

Tamia Jackson (animator) is a rising senior at the Rhode Island School of Design, receiving her BFA in Film/Animation/Video with a minor in Literary Arts and Studies. She has always been passionate in art, animation, and storytelling. She loves bringing stories of lesser voices, such as BIPOC, low income, female, etc., into a visual and cared-for light. Though not all of her stories or animations revolve around such identities, it is important that she shows diversity so that many people can relate and find comfort in the characters or art piece. Not only does Jackson enjoy spreading her own voice, but she also loves bringing others’ stories to life.

AND HOLD, AND HOLD

‘Holiday’ meaning ‘Holy Day’ meaning:

every second is sacred/every hour hibernates

within the spirit, huddled beneath the bosom.

To breathe is to commemorate:

inhale – exhale – cradle the thought – hold – and repeat.

When daybreak demotes breath to subconscious action,

the diaphragm still submits in reverence, still remembers that

This is Divine. This

is where jubilation begins:

in the suspension of

breathe in – breathe out – take maybe – and

forever hold the moment,

where the deferred dream stopped shriveling,

wavered in anticipation, remembered that expansion

can be soft,

recognized that it didn’t want soft

expansion.

Bodies were policied out of possession, but

the Black individual liberated their own being,

hollered themself out of state-sanctioned silence.

Words ignite, but presence sustains; this intake/expel maintains us

here

the dream explodes. The spirit absorbs the remnants and outpours,

‘holiday’ meaning ‘Holy Day’ meaning:

I hold this day as sovereign. Meaning:

I hope this day knows its home is in these lungs,

is in this breath, is in the repetition of:

inspire – expire – immortalize the memory – and hold – and hold – and release

POPLAR TREES

CYRUS ROBERTS

WHY HE WROTE AND DIRECTED THIS POEM:

“It’s easy to say “slavery was an atrocity and we need to do better” but it’s much more difficult to say “slave masters ripped babies from their mothers and used them as crocodile bait for sport.” In the average American lexicon, phrases like ‘Never Forget’ are commonplace but are rarely attributed to periods of fundamental, ongoing violence of a racial nature for the simple fact that our pain makes the people who benefitted from that pain uncomfortable. For me Juneteenth is a day of mourning; the Confederate holidays still celebrated today seem like a gruesome counterbalance. So this is my eulogy to both the country and my own being that could have been.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Cyrus Roberts (he/him) writes, acts, and directs across poetry, theater, and film. While his work has been commissioned by organizations like Toms Shoes, Adidas, and March For Our Lives, he also enjoys working on cool independent projects, whether he’s self-publishing poetry compilations, creating movies with friends, or acting in his own plays. Roberts is currently a senior in UC Santa Barbara’s BFA Acting program. Look for him in the upcoming film Summertime, directed by Carlos Lopez Estrada. His assistant director on the project was Mattie Kranz.

POPLAR TREES

Before you there was me. But before me there was (Nina Simone audio: “black bodies swinging”). And that was the gentler time period. Everything base within you, reflected in your actions. Please don’t censor me when I mention how you wrangled our teeth from our mouths and used them to seduce your own illnesses into submission. Or how you took an interest in the skin that had a monopoly on sunlight and then took what you wanted underneath the moon. Or how you used our babies as crocodile bait and our skin as shoe leather. Look right into the eyes of our demise and try to say those times are past, that I’m being rash, that I’m being bad and so full of woe and I should be glad I’m writing this on my MacBook Pro. Yeah? Who am I to complain about slavery? Because it ended, right? On June 19, 1865, Union Army general Gordon Granger made his way to Texas and proclaimed slavery’s supposed fall and us colored folk supposed to have a ball? I mean it was two and a half years after Lincoln already announced it, but we needed a white man to tell other white men what another white man already said. I mean that is until that white man found himself dead and Reconstruction found itself at a head and chain gangs, sharecropping, Jim Crow, private prison options, perc popping, bodies dropping, cops still stopping, guns cocking to ensure that (Nina Simone audio: “black bodies swinging”). Every 19th of June we celebrate the end of chattel slavery and every 20th we’re back to fighting its descendants. Private prisons / a cop’s knee is a modern lynching / it ain’t my decision to get busy dyin’ or busy living / I paid attention, to all the digitized depictions / all the people packing up pensions while we’re backed up by the system. Put your back into the system, this is wack how mother’s missing their babies kisses and I’m supposed to be celebrating? I’m sorry. Will you forgive me, I’m jaded. My grandmother looks at me and says confidently that I made it. That she can’t possibly imagine the life that I’m living, I owe a debt to her generation, and I hope that I pay it. I just get so angry, hazy laughter at the thought of thoughts and prayers ending enslavement. So after you hear me, I’ll forgive you if you’re jaded. But you still need to know the history to have an appreciation. It’s no mystery why it’s a mystery present in our education, presently the gatekeepers keep us from it and it’s heinous. On Juneteenth, Americans across the nation eat red foods in honor of the blood spilled before and during emancipation, we celebrate the secondary, pushed-to-the-side independence day, but you don’t have to know our proclamations of jubilation for us to be heard. We will be heard in our voices screaming thanks that we are not treated as herd. We dance and we sing hymns of freedom. Freedom: absence of subjection to foreign domination or despotic government. Are my brothers and sisters in jail cells free? When there’s a glaring loophole in the 13th amendment smiling from cheek to cheek I’d imagine there’d be some incentive to ensure our purity is never free. And how can I be free when I can’t sleep because my dreams keep whispering I can’t breathe. Regardless of that fact, progress is still being made. But I fear progress is just an exchange of chains for other chains. Same way they changed our names for other names, I rest a bouquet on the graves of enslaved, singing regardless this day. In the hopes that I never again have to see (Nina Simone audio: “black bodies swinging”).

UNTITLED

SIERRA LEONE ANDERSON

WHY SHE WROTE THIS POEM:

“When writing this poem, I really made an effort to think back to my ancestors. What was their impact? Who did they inspire? How did they carve the path for the road I now choose to take? This poem is about legacy. I am calling back to the ancestors before me to give me the strength and courage to be the ancestor I want to be to future generations.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Sierra Leone Anderson (poet) is a youth activist and professional spoken word artist from Los Angeles. Rooted in liberatory joy and armed with ancestral truth, Sierra Leone aims to bring light to the power of language, empowering Los Angeles youth of color to recognize the quantifiable influence of their voice. She has placed both second and first in Get Lit’s annual middle and high school Classic Slam respectively, co-wrote an article for the political column of USA Today, and has shared space with several influential changemakers including Dr. Melina Abdullah (co-founder of BLM-LA) and Cecily Myart-Cruz (president of UTLA). Her other organizing work includes collaborating with Students Deserve LA to make Black Lives Matter in and beyond schools. She is currently a ninth grade student at Girls Academic Leadership Academy and an avid lover of trashy teenage dramedies.

Her director and editor is Lukas Lane, an award-winning filmmaker and founding member of Literary Riot (started in his junior year of high school), and he is currently attending UC Berkeley.

UNTITLED

Every generation, the world gives birth to a new fleet of freedom fighters.

I am one of them.

I stand on the shoulders of tired women.

I dance in the footsteps of Pan-African poets, liberation fighters, and Black writers

who grew fires from a pit hungrier than a stomach. They call my name and I call theirs.

Malcolm X. Phyllis Wheatley. Maya Angelou. Sojourner Truth. Audre Lorde. Ida B. Wells.

Your resilience rivers through me. You are my founding fathers. The blueprint to a world we need to be brave enough to see, to seek.

Let us imagine a world in which we know each other’s palms

and never the fist. Not unless needed. Not unless united together.

Let us be the drum and not the war.

Let us know each other’s names and not the languages we cry in.

Let us be, let all us be more than a slave’s wildest dream

Let us beam past blueprints and what-ifs and start becoming the now we want to see, the now we want to be

Trees growing so far past the Earth, Allah would mistake our bodies for angels.

When I die, I want to ripple through lifetimes. I want my name to graffiti the mouths of the next 10 generations.

I don’t want to be forgotten. Or remembered for the way my feet wouldn’t stop running.

I wanna grow roots in this soil, in this American skin. Join the forest of my ancestors. Let my grandkids climb up my branches and tell stories of school.

And before the first pulse of morning, I want them to drip from their homes and gather at my roots.

I want to tell them my name before I forget it.

I want to tell them that morning is coming. And will always come. And will never wait for when you are ready.

I want to tell them that there is a point far beyond this tree, this forest, this temporary point in time, their bodies, their fears, their fathers, their memories. Where the sun is eternal and smiling. Where freedom rings and is never silent, never out of reach. It is called horizon. And it is right there.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

What are some of your favorite things about the Snk fandom? Eruri fandom specifically? also loved your post about how within the Snk world Erwin and Levi aren’t really considered attractive

Oh wow! Where to start??! There’s so, so much I love about this fandom, but perhaps a good place to start might be by admitting that my experience of the SnK fandom as a whole is actually quite limited.  I’ve spent most of the last six years holed up in my little Eruri corner of the fandom, where I can hang out with close friends and like-minded fans.  That’s not to say that I’m not invested in the series as a whole, I absolutely am, I wouldn’t still be here if I wasn’t, but I’ve curated my own little fandom niche very carefully.  I’ve really only been active on tumblr, twitter and a few small discords, I give Reddit and Youtube a wide berth, and have only occasionally dipped my toe into the wider fandom waters.  I should add that I have huge respect for fans who do have the energy and equanimity to navigate these often choppy waters (looking at you @momtaku​ – respect), I haven’t got that kind of patience.  

As a result, my experience of SnK fandom has been almost entirely Eruri and the Veterans, but what an experience it’s been.  I’ve been involved in fandom for twelve years now and I can quite honestly say that I’ve never come across such a diverse, creative, funny and generous fandom community.  I’ve met fans of all ages from all over the world, some of whom have become my closest friends in real life over the last six years.  My life has been made immeasurably richer through their friendship, and I’m immensely grateful for their presence in my life.  Some of those friends have moved on from the fandom long since, and though there are some that I still miss everyday, I know that it’s just the nature of fandom friendships, and that’s fine, I will always treasure the time we spent together.  

I also love the incredible creativity of this amazing fandom, the fic and the art is second to none, and the generosity of creators is unparalleled.  I’m particularly indebted all the readers who have commented on and encouraged my writing (I may never get round to replying to AO3 comments, but I treasure every one), the artists who have illustrated my fics (honestly, it’s the highest honour), the translators who have translated my stories to bring them to Russian and Chinese readers, the artists and writers who have been happy to collaborate with me, the readers who have reblogged and commented on my meta, and the friends who have allowed me to turn their shenanigans into stupid crack fic XD

I love the real sense of community that exists in the Eruri fandom, and it’s such a diverse community too.  Sure there have been fallings out and differences of opinion over the years but that’s inevitable, we’re not a homogenous group.  However I do think that because the average age of the fandom skews a little older than the norm, the community has managed to rise above a lot of the drama and bullshit that seems to be sadly endemic in fandom spaces these days.  And when push comes to shove, people really pull together, as they did during the painful days of the Serum Bowl, when we were all raw with grief, and emotions were running high on all sides of the fandom.  I’ve also been hugely inspired by the courage and dedication of individuals within the Eruri community in shutting down bullying behaviour, supporting fans from other communities when they are being harassed, rallying round friends who are struggling, and raising awareness of and funding for important social justice causes.  

I’ve been inspired by so many people in the Eruri and Veterans fandom community, I’m not going to try and list everyone here, suffice to say you all have my enduring gratitude, love and thanks.  

And thank you too for this ask Anon, it’s been lovely to have an excuse to reflect on all my favourite things about this amazing fandom ♡

[otterskin]

I didn't like the LOKI show, no matter how hard I try, and it's messing with me.

My mother died at the end of December. A lot of other bad things happened as well, like the severe brain injury of my father.

I didn't cry. There was so much to do. I did it. And even then, when there was nothing left to do, I didn't cry.

I found distractions.

Today I went to see the Green Knight after a tough week at a new job that had me leave my father in another province even though he still needs help. I was trying to get back to the life I'd dropped.

I loved the Green Knight. The Arthurian Legends are as dear to me as Norse Mythology, and my copy of them had the Green Knight on the cover. The film was truly excellent, evoking the feel of the story whole still doing something unique and very A24. I cried at one point, like I did when watching the first THOR, because of how much it meant to see something I'd loved since the very first years of my existence finally make it to the big screen and be...right. It's own thing, it's own artistic product, but right.

Then I opened a tab in a browser and saw I had some messages on a website I comment on. It was just some minor criticism of the LOKI show I'd posted beneath an article and how it handled certain things.

I was downvoted. Berated. Hated. Lumped in the ad hominem twitter users who attacked the director and writer (I'd never, ever!) Told I was biphobic because I wanted to see more of a queer lens (I even addressed how difficult it is for bi people in queer cinema and society in general in my criticisms of the romance, but even that wasn't good enough - just disliking it was 'bad'.) I was told I just wanted my 'fanfic' made (I never made any laundrylist of plot points I demanded). I was accused of being a begrudged shipper (ha! If anything I'm an anti-shipper). I was told that I should love the show, it was awesome, and I was bad for not thinking so.

And I started to cry.

I don't cry. Only at movies. Not at real life. I didn't cry at my grandparents's funerals, I didn't cry when I was left with the body of my mother in the hospital room and my brother cried on my shoulder. I didn't cry when working through my dad's severe new disabilities as I realized how much he had lost. I didn't cry while realizing how messy my parents' finances were. I didn't cry when my mother's friends called me in the middle of the night and cried into the phone. I didn't cry when saying goodbye to my dog and going back to a rundown apartment with a terrible smell so I could go to work in a dark room for hours at a time.

But now I'm crying and writing this.

I've realized why. During everything, I looked forward to the LOKI show. The first THOR is deeply nostalgic to me and I watched it often in my first year of Uni when I was away from home. It tied in thematically to what I was going for. Thor 2 came out before I went on exchange, and while I disliked it overall, talking about it was a welcome distraction from my anxieties. Thor 3 was nerve-wracking, but it also came out during my first major job which I was struggling with, and I saw it so many times in theatres...it was such a huge comfort.

Looking forward to LOKI wasn't just a distraction. It was like a promise. A promise that I'd make it till then and see it and maybe it'd give me some comfort.

That's on me. That's a personal thing. It's an unreasonable expectation.

But I needed it, all the same.

Then it came out.

I tried. I really tried to like it, to forgive it, but the problems are things I've criticized for too long in so many other things. I always try to be respectful about, I never go ad hominem and attack the creators, only critique their work and I always mentioned what I liked but...

I didn't like it.

I have no urge to rewatch it.

And the Green Knight...the Green Knight was everything I wanted and needed it to be. It didn't let me down, though I've been anticipating it about as long as the LOKI show. They're very different, obviously, but in my heart they share the same compartment.

And after a very trying day...I realized how badly I needed to rewatch a Loki show I liked. But I can't even enjoy THOR or Thor:Ragnarok anymore. It's like everything I did like has been poisoned.

This thing that got me through immense pain is causing me pain. I don't want to be toxic. I'm sure it's in me. I try so hard not to wallow in disappointment, but to not even be allowed to talk about my problems without being lumped in with abusive online monsters...

I can't do it. I just can't.

This is supposed to be an escape, not another trial.

I needed the LOKI show to be good, so I could come out of the dark into the light, or at least walk through the night with a lantern ahead of me. And instead it was just more darkness, and it's not even entirely its own fault. It's the online discourse. It's the uncalled for harassment of Herron and Waldron. It's the taunting jabs at people who didn't have a good time as if we're all jerks. It's having people roll their eyes when you point out things that made you uncomfortable in the story, it's feeling slightly gaslit when you find something gross that the story intended to be gross and then being told it's not gross, actually.

I'm sorry. I don't want to cause pain. I just...

I needed it to be good. And unlike Thor 3, which delivered me respite in a dark time...it let me down. Worse, it's hurt me.

I said I don't cry, only at the movies. Something about them lets me cry in a way nothing else does. I can't cry at a funeral, but I can cry in a movie theatre at the drop of a hat. It's a release valve, a way for me to process things.

I think I was waiting for LOKI to give me permission to cry. To give me something that could release this pain in me. And instead, it just gave me more.

I never should have given it that power. I didn't want to. But I had to, to get through this.

I'm putting away the few THOR pieces of tat I have. I feel foolish. I always knew it was a capitalist piece of art, chucked from creator to creator with no creative shepherd, which in itself was stressful.

The fandom is no sanctuary for me either, since I'm primarily interested in the family dynamics and I'm sick of 'Odin is an ABUSIVE MONSTER' stories or even unrelated fics and posts just dropping in hate for him that's not at all canon but seems to be very popular to the point where people think it is. Especially since I often read these stories when I need to think of home and my father. Or, most pleasantly of all, when I get called an abuser or abuser-enabler because I say I like Odin as a character. I also can't really bear to deal with anything to do with Sylvie, whom I had high hopes for as someone who wants more female tricksters, but instead I got this...this Mary Sue that's very hard to criticize without being yelled at. I swear I'm coming at her writing as a feminist and I don't hate anyone, I don't, I just...sigh. She's just personally frustrating to me and not being able to discuss it without being called names sucks.

Not to mention I'm asexual, and I always struggle with romance in media being pushed as the 'ultimate relationship more important than any other'. Part of the reason I liked THOR so much was that romance was not the main feature of THOR and definitely not THOR 3 (while my disliked Dark World was all about it, and so is LOKI). And when I criticize the romance, I get called a prude (guilty, I guess), a troll, or, my favourite, just 'a hater'.

I don't want to hate. Who wants that poison in their veins? I'm here because the Thor series HELPED me because I LOVED it. And now I look at the things I used to love and I...don't, anymore.

So much is asked of me right now. I can't willingly invite this painful thing to sit on my chest as well, especially since the world is already shoving it into my face without my doing anything, in ads, in news, in everything.

I suppose that's why I've leaned even more into Odin lately. He was untouched by the LOKI series (though not the Simpson special, which worries me). He's a trickster, he's queer, he's nuanced, he's 'misunderstood' (that old cliche, but he's misunderstood and misrepresented by the people always yelling about how this or that character is misunderstood, which amuses me, except when it gets to me), and he's in many ways free to make my own.

I still have some stuff I'm going to publish that's practically finished. Finnesang has a lot more written for it but needs some major sit-down time for re-writes and edits. Lokabrenna is practically done, just needs tweaks and Beta. I'll be here a little longer.

But I think I'm going to have to step back for now and put my passions into other things.

I will be back. After all, after Thor 2 came Thor 3. Maybe Love and Thunder will right the ship and Thor can still be awesome, and maybe eventually a creative I love will come to work on the franchise. Really, that's the key for me - I loved Branagh before THOR, and loved Waititi before Thor, and disliked Waldron's work (though I gave him every benefit of the doubt and hoped and prayed to be wrong - sadly, it was what I expected.)

But...if LOKI season 2 is more of this, more romantic tropes I hate and Loki being an afterthought in his own show and his family being devalued for new characters...I can't do it. I can't watch something I used to love just throw that all away for something I dislike.

My tears are finally drying. I wrote a lot of this while the screen was blurry, so I hope there's no grammar or typo too embarrasing. I'm not sure I have the strength to re-read it. Sorry for the rant. It helped me feel better.

Thank you all. I hope I feel differently someday.

[kunderdogs]

Subtle

Simon Dominic (AOMG) x Reader ft Jay Park Genre: Romance Count: 2.5k Warnings: Fluff / Some swearing Rating: PG-13  Requested: Yes

This was actually really fun to write. I love writing Jay Park ;)

Park Jaebum swivled in his black chair, eyeing his artist and friend with a suspicous eye. While it wasn't rare that Simon Dominic would come to him for advice on things, it was very rare that this advice would be about women. Kiseok had his fair share of relationships and hookups so he wasn't totally sure why the older man was looking particularly nervous right now.

"You want...relationship advice?" Jay asked, just to clarify. He wasn't exactly the poster-child for long, stable relationships and from what he remembered, Kisoek was about five months deep into a relationship at this point.

Scratching his cheek, Simon looked to the wall. God, this was so awkward. Asking his girlfriend's older brother about love advice while said brother had no knowledge of his little sister's involvement with one of his oldest, closest friends.

In his defense, it was you that had wanted to keep it quiet from Jay. You know how he got when it came to you, his baby sister - the baby of the family. He was a typical brother. Over protective and some times blinded by the sibling love to see that you were an adult now and could make your own decisions. He had fought you tooth and nail when you decided to come to Korea and be an actress, especially since your skin was darker and you didn't look like the typical Korean actress. His words were truthful but they still hurt. It took a lot of tears (on your part) for him to get over his personal feelings and support you.

So you were not in any rush to tell him about your relationship with Jung Kiseok, someone who he considered a best friend. Kiseok was also much older than you, so you were sure Jay would burst at the seams when he found out.

Your boyfriend, on the other hand, hated sneaking behind his friend's back like this. He felt like he was hiding you and that wasn't something he appreciated doing, to your or to himself. He had immense loyalty towards Jay as well so if this damaged the younger's trust in him, Kiseok wasn't sure if he could stand that. He'd known Jay for so many years that if he told him to break up with you, Kiseok wasn't confident in saying he wouldn't do just that.

Clearing his throat, Simon sat up straighter on the studio couch and faced Jay for the first time since he walked in. "Yeah. I want to meet my girl's family but she thinks we should wait a little longer. Because she's younger, she feels like her older b-...sister wouldn't approve."

Hearing the seriousness in the older man's tone caused Jay put his phone in his lap and give him his full attention. "Maybe she doesn't think you're serious about her? It's only been a few months."

Kiseok let out a breath and leaned back, muscles still tense. "I've liked her for about a year but I didn't want to approach her due to her...family. I'm serious about her, definitely, but I want to prove to her family that, despite the age difference, I genuinely care for her."

Jay watched him for an agonizing second before smiling widely. "Aw, that is so cute. You're in love~." He sang, only causing color to bloom over Kiseok's cheeks.

"Well- I- Yes, but I need options to show her family that I do," he defended as he stood slowly, "But if you're going to tease I can easily ask Loco-"

Jay scoffed, "You'd go to Loco for advice? He basically self combusts when Hwasa so much as looks in his direction."

Kiseok sat back down with a chuckle. Very true. Loco was a mess when it comes to his love life.

"Anyway," Jay continued like he didn't just shade his younger friend, "You should go meet with the sister, away from your girlfriend and tell her your intentions. If you get the one that opposes it the most on your side, the other family members would be easier to come around."

Taking a moment to think about, Kiseok agreed with a nod. "What if h-...she doesn't want to hear what I have to say?"

Noticing the hitch in his voice, Jay shrugged, "If you're serious about this girl then she'll listen. It's her sister, so of course she's going to want to meet you and see who you are. Go to a semi-public restaurant so she has to listen to you, without yelling."

Kiseok felt now would be a good time to make his move, but coming out right didn't sit well with him so instead, he nervously gulped and used the last of his will to ask, "What would you say to that?"

Jay interpreted it different than what Simon expected but he pondered it for a second before snapping his fingers. "Let's try this- I'll be the sister and you try to convince me to support the relationship. What's the age difference though?"

Feeling the panic rise to dangerous levels in his body, Kiseok did his hardest to hide his inner feelings before clearing his throat again. "It's um, more than six years."

Jay blinked at the new information but shrugged again. "She is an adult, right? How old is she?"

"She's um, twenty-six right now."

Feeling his shoulders relax, Jay took a breath. "Oh, she's the same age as Y/N? Okay, that's not too bad. Gosh, you got me worried you were dating some eighteen year old or something..."

Chuckling in nervousness, he was thankful that Jay was too distracted by getting into his character as the "sister" to notice how jumpy Kiseok became when he mentioned your name. They agreed that Jay would play the older sister coming to meet him at a restaurant so Jay stood and walked in the door, swinging his hips in an exaggerated motion as well as held his hand out like he was carrying a purse.

Jay slid onto the couch opposite of the older man and crossed one leg over the other. "So," he began in a high-pitched voice to mimic a woman’s. "You're the famous Simon Dominic my little sister is dating?"

Somehow, even with Jay pretending to be a girl, this all felt too real to Kiseok. He was nervously pulling at his collar before he could reign himself in. "I-...Yes. I'm Jung Kiseok, thank you for meeting me here..."

Jay blew his pretend manicure in boredom. "Let's cut to the chase." Within a few seconds, his dark eyes narrowed on him. "How can you date a woman so many years younger than you? Have you no shame?"

Absolutely caught off guard, Kiseok stuttered to respond, which made Jay break character and raise an eyebrow at how unsure the usually confident rapper was. Either way, he let the older man stumble to respond. "Your sister and I have real feelings for each other. I know you're concerned for the age difference and I also had my own reservations but getting to know her over these last few months made me realize my feelings for her are very much real. I would like your approval to continue dating her."

Back in character, Jay huffed with his nose in the air. "There are hundreds of men worthy of my sister, her age as well! What makes you think you deserve her? Just because you're a celebrity doesn't mean every woman has to fall at your feet!"

The sincerity in Simon's eyes as he spoke next took Jay aback a bit. "When I'm with her, I'm not Simon Dominic. I'm Jung Kiseok and she doesn't treat me any differently because of my status. I can be who I really am with her. When I wake up, all I want is to see her and hear her voice. When I'm having a bad day, she's the first person I run to...When I'm having a good day, she's usually the reason. Her smile is the most breath-taking thing I've ever seen."

Just seeing how starry-eyed Kiseok was getting talking about his girl made Jay smile a bit. He really liked this girl, whoever she was. "I know, she's my sister! That doesn't tell me about your intentions with her. I won't give my approval to just anyone."

Kiseok made sure to keep eye contact and if there were any traces of humor before, it was all gone by now. For some reason, Jay could feel the air around them take an even more serious turn. "Your sister makes me the happiest version of myself. We've only been together for a few months and even though I wanted to tell you when we first began dating, I respected her wishes to wait to tell you. Out of all the woman I've met, I've never wanted to spend my entire life with someone until now. It's too early to speak of marriage with her but I have every intention of asking for her hand, down the road."

Jay felt defensive, but he wasn't sure why. Maybe because he had a little sister who was the same age, but suddenly his voice was back to normal. "She has her whole life ahead of her and you two are at different stages of life. Wouldn't you want someone your own age?"

Kiseok heard his heart bumping a thousand beats per minute. It felt as if he were talking with Jay now, not the pretend scenario they conjured up. This was getting too real at this moment. "I've tried to convince her and myself that it would better for us not to date because of our age but after some discussion, we're both at the same point in life. I do want to settle down soon but I have a lot I want to do, career wise, and so does she. Right now, getting to know each other is our priority. All I know is that I can't live without her in my life right now. I love her."

Keeping the eye contact, Jay noticed that they weren't talking about the same person at this point. His eyes searched the older's face for a minute before he broke character entirely.

Siting back on the couch, the young CEO took a deep breath and had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he thought about his own baby sister. Your smiling face flashed in his mind. He had a small suspicion...so small it could be written off as paranoia.

Either way, he had to ask. He had to know. "Who is this girl?" The tone he used boomed with authority and usually was able to make weaker men tremble.

However, Kiseok must've noticed how pensive he became and understood that Jay was coming to the realization. He didn't have any reaction at first, just blinked at the younger man. After a few tense moments, he exhaled deeply. "I think you know who we're talking about."

That was confirmation itself, without even having to out right say your name.

So, without further ado, the usually cool-headed CEO blew the fuck up.

Launching out of his chair, Jay's chocolate eyes were set on fire, glaring at the man before him. "You're dating my sister! Without telling me!"

With no intention to fight or argue, Kiseok looked up calmly to his friend. "In my defense, I wanted to tell you as soon as we had our first date."

"My sister!" Jay nearly screamed, the realization finally dawning on him. "Y/N?! My own sister, behind my back?! What the fuck!"

Without much to say, he let Jay get it all out of his system. It looked as if he was in denial at first but after a few minutes of thick silence, he fell back onto the couch with a defeated look. It looked as if he'd aged ten years in the past ten minutes.

A hand rubbed down his face. "You're the man she's been telling me about? Damn it."

This peaked his curiosity and he couldn't help but ask, "She talked to you about me?"

Jay glared weakly at how eager he sounded but couldn't stay mad at his friend. "She mentioned she was interested in a guy in the industry, a few years older than her who sent her flowers every day for the duration of her movie shooting. I told her to pursue it if she kept babbling about him...You, I guess."

Trying to fight the smirk, he failed miserably. So Jay was the person who'd basically told you to date him? Everything really came full circle, didn't it? Seeing how utterly confused the young CEO looked, Kiseok took this time to tease him. "You know...if you hadn't told her to pursue a relationship with me...she wouldn't have agreed to our first date. So, you're directly responsible for us dating."

"I didn't know it was you she was talking about!" Jay defended, but quickly deflated once again. "Although, even if I knew it was you...I don't think I would've been opposed..."

"You wouldn't have?" The doubt in Kiseok's voice was too thick to cover up.

Jay crossed his arms, huffing like a child. "How can I oppose you two being together when you bought her flowers every day for months? Not to mention the whole k-drama worthy speech you just gave me..."

"So," Kiseok started gingerly, "Does this mean..?"

"That I approve?" Jay grumbled in his chest. "You're lucky I know the kind of man you are. If you'd been any other sleazy rapper I'd end this right now."

Kiseok felt oddly flattered. It didn't last long though.

"But," Jay continued, eyes narrowing dangerously. "Y/N is still my precious baby sister so if you hurt her in any way, if you fuck up, I'll be on your ass faster than you can apologize."

A weight lifted from his shoulders that he didn't even know was there. Jay was the biggest obstacle in your relationship so with his approval and him on your side, it would be easier for your family to come around, especially since they knew and loved Simon like he was apart of the family.

Jay stood, fingers unlocking his phone so he could call you. With the phone to his ear, he gave Kiseok one last once over, "Also, I don't want to hear about any...activities you two have."

Laughter followed the CEO out of the studio as he left a voicemail to meet him and "your little boyfriend" for lunch today.

[misterbitches]

some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

[the-parallax-of-rain]

Honest asks: L, O, Y 😊

L - If I have siblings.

Yes! I have a younger sister who is currently starting college at Zoom University 😂 A few weeks ago, she texted me a screenshot of one of her classes hoping for my sympathy – apparently she had to sign up for an astronomy class and they were learning about protostellar clouds. I was like, well you’re not getting sympathy from me, umm, I love astronomy and you should know this? 😌 We’re 4 years apart and she was my best friend all through childhood. She loves creative writing and is also a super talented artist as well. Lately we haven’t talked as much as we used to, but I’m going home for the winter holidays so I’ll get to see her then!

O – If I like my school.

Oh boy. Putting this under a read more because it got long! 

I’m interviewing here for med school but I’m positive they are 1) not on Tumblr and 2) can’t verify who I am in the first place lol, so here we go! Small rant time. So I went to Hopkins for undergrad and I’ve learned some pretty nasty things the administration (the hospital, in particular) has done to the communities of Baltimore. Not only in the past (I’m sure many people know about Henrietta Lacks) but still ongoing – for example, the hospital suing low income patients who are unable to pay their medical bills and subsequently forcing them into debt (and also apparently garnishing their wages? Jesus). It’s terrible and predatory and makes me sick especially because Hopkins champions its own efforts in growing local communities to prospective students. And since Hopkins has such a large influence in the state (I think they’re one of, if not the largest employers in Maryland), they hold immense power over these communities. I’m sure that other large medical centers do the same thing in their respective cities, and there are positive things about Hopkins (obviously the innovative research comes to mind!) but it’s so important to hold them accountable. Especially because Hopkins gets a lot of positive press re: their COVID tracking/response. I simply wish for them to be exposed more. I’m including an article here in case you want to read up more on this medical debt thing, and I also wrote a rambly thing about med school/healthcare as a business and my vague thoughts on why it sucks here.

Y – If I like my town and why

Guess I’ll talk about my hometown! I’m from a small city in Southern California, and though I haven’t found myself actively homesick throughout college I do miss it there! I still consider it home. I have lots of great memories there with my family and friends – I’m still close with my friend group from high school, and most of them still live there. And lots of small things that keep me connected to there and make my heart ache as well: there’s a pipa tree (I don’t know what it’s called in English lol) that was planted in our yard when I was a toddler and it’s just now starting to bear fruit. Our pets are all buried in the backyard. My room still has some books I read as a kid. My mom’s cooking that I’ll never be able to replicate because I am just talentless in the kitchen. 

Some other people also asked this question and I’m gonna need to take some time to craft another answer because I love Baltimore and I need to do it justice LOL.

[vroenis]

The 2019 Charlie’s Angels Reboot Was A Good Project & Deserved More Respect From Hollywood

We’ve just finished watching the film and there was a lot both J and I really enjoyed about it. We’re critical of media and art in different ways and I certainly don’t speak for them, as for me, oddly I’m lenient in ways that they probably aren’t when it comes to production and culture. I don’t have to dive too deeply into the cultural response to this picture to know how it went down, I’ve come into contact with just enough of it to have a clear understanding of the popular digest. The response is not at all unexpected, it’s just uninformed.

I feel that the 2019 (year of publishing) Charlie’s Angels reboot was a good project with a wonderful spirit. Elizabeth Banks’ aims were clearly evident in the final product, however it may have been shaped along the way, and that it was under-served in the production process likely from the very beginning.

This casting is fantastic.

I do wish there were better cast-ensemble promos for me to lift from the internet and wonder whether that’s another telltale sign of production or whether the heat has just faded since release and they’ve just dropped out of the archives but I struggled to find well composed images.

The first short sizzle-teaser I ever saw for the film, I thought was quite good. Neckbeards and mouthbreathers won’t have paused for a second thought before launching hate for the project - anything in the most vague proximity of feminism or empowerment of women, or even simply just not being centred around men - will be enough to bring snide internet snark by the truckload. It remains interesting that men continue to struggle to live in a world where there can be things that also exist that are not for them, they cannot simply let these other things also exist without contributing in some way. As it were, the project looked good. Sharp, clever, playful, and a timely reboot reclaimed in the most contemporary way. When I looked up the production details and found out Banks was championing it herself, I really took an interest in it. As the first full trailers released, the casting looked great - genuinely diverse and with real chemistry, I hoped it would find the audience it was looking for.

J and I have had a lot going on in our lives over the last two years and still do. We’ve gone to theatres I think twice in that whole time, maybe three times and I think two of those were gift certificates generously paid for by family. So tonight we finally got around to watching Charlie’s Angels. If we’d seen this in theatres, I’d have still be satisfied and had the same evaluation.

A production budget of $55 million is low-balling a project of this scope; 

There seems to have been a bit of pre-production shuffling and Banks did a lot of wrangling herself early on. 

The whole shoot front to back was just over two months and I assume three countries, US/or studio inclusive. 

CGI is noticeably subpar but not exactly cheap either, so it still would have cost a significant portion of that prod. budget. When I say subpar, the CG in this film isn’t bad, please don’t take that criticism as overly negative of the CG artists’ work - remember that people do the best they can with the time and money they’re afforded. If you want to understand what that’s all about, I encourage you to watch Corridor Crew’s channel on YouTube.

Combat choreography with principle actors isn’t great, there’s far too much editing but again, I’m betting there wasn’t a whole lot of money and thus time for training and rehearsing for them, so combat is noticeably slow. 

2nd Unit photography looked very good because this kind of thing is very old-school Hollywood in that it contributes to what makes an action/spy movie look like one. Unfortunately, that means it was also expensive. We’re really running out of money here...

There is a lot of licensed music in this feature which isn’t cheap at all. Again this feels super old-school Hollywood and definitely demographic targeting, but it firmly timestamps the feature - any film, really - and unless your film is about capturing the essence of the time IT WAS THE 80′s! or FOLK FESTIVALS JUST BEFORE COVID BROKE OUT as an example of not necessarily wanting to capture the past, I really think trying to nail down pop songs of the hot present ultimately does your film a disservice.

And I’ll address that one first because I feel like it may have been one of the easiest changes to make to lift the overall quality of the picture. Instead of burning thru an immense amount of budget on a pile of pop licenses, I think a calculated risk could have been taken in getting a young contemporary musician to create a slick electronic score in its entirety to back it along side the generic orchestral action fare, no disrespect to Brian Tyler. To be honest, Tyler probably could have done it all himself but was also probably just writing to spec. BUT HEY... WHY NOT SCOUT FOR ANY NUMBER OF AMAZING WOMEN OUT THERE WHO ARE PHENOMENAL ELECTRONIC MUSICIANS AND PRODUCERS what am I talking about it’s Hollywood...

This is what I mean by the project deserving more respect and being under-served. Hollywood doesn’t believe in projects like this, they don’t realise what the project is and why it needs frontier, sincere, good faith hiring and instead under-funds but funds it nevertheless SEE? WE FUNDED IT, WE DID THE GOOD THING, SEE US SUPPORTING THE WIMMINS? WE’RE NOT  SEXISTS YOU CAN’T SAY WE’RE SEXISTS YOU CAN HAVE YOUR FILM oh it didn’t do very well except we didn’t let you make it the way you wanted to make it, we still shackled you to 

THE SAME TERRIBLE HOLLYWOOD TRADITIONS THAT, BY THE WAY, ARE FAILING OUR MANLY MAN MOVIES FULL OF MEN HOLY SHIT THE DEBT-RECOVERY CYCLE IS REALLY DOING A NUMBER ON OUR INVESTORS I SURE HOPE WE DON’T HAVE TOO MANY CONSECUTIVE FAILURES OR, SAY, SOME KIND OF GLOBAL CATASTROPHIC AND/OR ECONOMIC EVENT HAND-WRINGING

ahem where was I

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross provided the entire soundtrack for The Social Network and it’s both fantastic and timeless. OK oranges and refrigerators, but the principle still stands - I get the intent of Charlie’s Angels was a summer blockbuster but it would have still been elevated by being all the more slick having its own identity in music, having its own sound. You want that soundtrack by that amazing young woman because it sounds fucken awesome.

Charlie’s Angels still needed a few passes by a dialogue editor. I say that a lot. I know my standards are high and it’s a Hollywood film. There’s no problem at all with the vernacular, idioms and the casual language, that was all fine. It’s always just the little details - again, it’s always time and money which - really is just money. A good dialogue editor or script supervisor might have been able to just elevate this whole thing to that super-smooth level of flowing just right. Or perhaps if the actors had spent more time in training and combat rehearsal together, they’d have riffed better and improvised more. They still have good on-screen chemistry but again, more time - more money for time - and things improve.

If you don’t know my taste in film, you could see if you recognise anything in the Film Notes page of this journal, but it’s totally OK if you don’t. Basically most of them are long and boring, with super long takes of people not saying or doing much. I still love Hollywood films tho - I love all cinema and I’ll repeat like a broken record, I should either add a section to Film Notes of my favourite blockbusters or create a page for them. Anyway - Charlie’s Angels still has too much editing mostly due to the aforementioned combat, but also because of that good old Hollywood formulaic style-guide. It’s easy to look up the production credits and pluck out names but on a project like this, it’s difficult to pin the end result on the roles themselves. In these cases, personnel like editors are more like daily jobs rather than creative contributors which again is an immense shame. I catch myself before saying “It doesn’t have to be a Malick/Shortland/Lynch project...” but why not? Why can’t a summer blockbuster have its own fantastic identity? General audiences can identify Michael Bay and Christopher Nolan - sure, one or perhaps both of these people take themselves far too seriously, but why not let a project have its own identity?

We run back into the conversation of protecting investments and style guides.

The easy answer to Bay and Nolan is they’re men, but they’ve also had time to prove their worth over time with previous work and track record. Because they’ve had the privilege to do so. Because they’re men. And most of the people making decisions and letting them experiment and sometimes fail to recover investment on their projects and hey, don’t worry, just try again, are men - and they were permitted to try again because they were themselves men.

Whether individual men do or don’t deserve whatever they did or didn’t get, I’m not here to discuss. Many of them definitely didn’t and I can’t change it.

What we should be changing is how we finance, how we empower and how we hand over autonomy of projects to women in cinema, in the arts - in professional life, in any industry.

YOU DON’T KNOW THE DETAILS OF THIS PROJECT

So. Fucking. What.

I can make educated guesses and I can support as much as possible as fair and equitable an arts industry wherever I engage with it.

I really liked Charlie’s Angels. It had a lot of heart. It had a wonderful sense of play and sass and smarts. Yes, a few too many “why didn’t they just shoot the bad guy” moments etc. - again - script reviews, better writers, more time...

More money.

More respect from an industry that doesn’t respect women and women’s autonomy; social, professional, in all aspects.

I hope Elizabeth Banks wants to make another one, can raise the finances for it and has even more control of the next project. More power to her.

[thehoodsweetheart]

Twin Flames.

A/N: This is something that popped up in my mind. I was feeling a little uninspired lately but knew I wanted to get some type of content out. Tell me what you guys think. Should this be something I continue? I hope it’s not total crap.

Summary: Sometimes you can’t shake a person, no matter how much you try to let go. However, you hand can be forced. This is the case with Isis and Erik. (I don’t want to give up too many details).

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: ??? There are none. I write for Black audiences, Black women in particular. My main characters are Black and that’s that on that. Isis is and will remain a Black woman. 

------------------------------------------------------------

      Isis sat perched up in the middle of her oxblood colored crushed velvet couch legs folded beneath her as she diligently clicked away on her MacBook Pro. Isis was dressed in a black mesh panel Ivy Park crop top with the matching leggings. Her wash and go was on day 2, which was honestly her favorite due to how much volume the fizziness gave her hair. Isis’s fluffy coils created a large halo like fro around her head almost like a crown. It hadn’t even been an hour since she landed in Los Angeles from her 21-hour flight from Johannesburg and she was getting straight to work. The soft murmur of Martin re-runs played on the wall of her condo from a projector and providing most of the light in the room. The projector was Isis’s idea after debating with her best friend, who also happened to be her roommate, over an obnoxiously sized flat screen TV.

      She glanced up from her work on your laptop to give a soft laugh at Martin & Gina sneaking into Tommy’s apartment attempting to find out if he was apart of the CIA. It reminded Isis of how nosy her own best friend could be when she felt like Isis was hiding something from her. It was no offense to their friendship. Isis was an only child and somewhat of an introvert. She grew up with the struggle of overly sharing or not sharing herself at all with ‘close friends’. She learned fast it was best to be picky with who and what she shared of herself. Isis was private in nature and her current job only added to it. Isis was awarded the once in a lifetime opportunity of being part of the visual director team and personal photographer to Beyoncé. Yes, the one and only Queen Bey.

      It was 11:11 PM, which Isis considered peak working hours. She knew that she’d be awake editing pictures until well after 3 AM. Isis wanted sort through all her captured footage from her last trip and edit the best images. Seemed like a simple task but any artist will tell you it’s the most challenging part. What if a photo she absolutely hates is one that her client loved? Or Vice versa? The longer Isis looked at the image the more flaws she could find, but wasn’t that the beauty in art, photography in particular?  

     Isis played around with the gradient and shadows of the picture trying to highlight its depth using Adobe Lightroom. She was so fixated on editing that she didn’t even hear the front door open, but the sounds of giggling and the door slamming sure caught her attention. Her best friend Brea was home and she were not alone. Brea was accompanied by a large male figure that towered over her petite frame. Isis gave them a quick glance before returning her attention back to the work before her. Despite not getting a clear view of Brea’s male ‘friend’, Isis felt an odd sensation of familiarity. Isis knew Brea hadn’t even noticed she was there yet because she was too focused on her male companion who was actively kissing and groping her.

“Aye, who is that?” His gruff voice questioned. Brea shot him a confused look before turning on her heels to face the couch. She let a loud gasp followed by a squeal.

“OH MY GODDD ISIS!!! YOU’RE HOMEEE!” She ran over to Isis giving her a bear hug, completely disregarding the laptop on her lap. Isis let out a small chuckle, fumbling with her MacBook Pro so it wouldn’t crash onto the floor, yet still trying to reciprocate Brea’s embrace.

“I know…finally right?” Isis’s light voice followed. She spent two weeks in South Africa, and she had only been home for four days prior to that after a trip to New York. During those four days, Brea was away on a business trip for the NPO she worked for, so it was safe to say they hadn’t had a chance to see each other in a solid four weeks.

“Soooo, how long do I have the pleasure of having my bestie back?” She nudged my elbow.

“We never know. Until duty calls again I guess.” Isis shrugged.

“Well you have to tell me about South Africa! Any fine niggas?” Brea attempted to whisper the last question. Isis couldn’t help but let out a hearty laugh, which Brea soon joined in on. Leave it to Brea to be so bold in front of her male company.

     Erik cleared his throat catching Isis and Brea’s attention silencing their laughter completely. Isis’s eyes locked with Erik’s. She finally zoned in on his face. This was Erik that Isis has heard Brea talk so much about in the past months, but nothing of substance. Brea just pretty much boasted on his good looks and sex drive but no concrete details of the ‘mystery man’. Not even a screenshot of a picture of the man had been offered from Brea. The three seconds that they held eye contact felt like nearly an eternity. Her heart began to pound in her chest so much so she could hear it in her ears. It was as if they could see through each other’s exterior and see straight to the core. Brea’s guest was indeed handsome…strikingly handsome yet familiar.

     Erik’s face was one Isis would never forget. His face was etched in marble in her mind. Her mind worked like a camera, her favorite vice. Capturing faces in a moment, associating them with particular narratives. Every face held a different story; all worth discovering yet Isis wasn’t much of a storyteller. She was the observer obsessed with the details of stories in a calculating way. This one in particular was mysterious and how it intersected with Isis’s was less than complicated but not in the least bit simple.

*********

           They met what seemed like a lifetime ago during one Isis’s summer visits to the Bay, on Isis’s father’s birthday. It was the summer before high school. She met Bria that same summer during Summer Bridge, a requirement for the private high school they attended. He was her favorite boy cousin’s best friend. Despite her introverted ways, Isis and Erik linked as if they knew each other their whole lives. It began as a platonic friendship. It soon became obvious that they had crushes on one another but they didn’t say anything about it in respect to her cousin. Then her cousin died and Erik moved away the same year causing them to lose contact. But before he moved he told her, “Don’t trip, I’ll find you one day. I feel like I’ll always find you. No matter what lifetime it is.”That was the summer before her senior year of high school. And find her is exactly what he did, multiple sporadic times.

      It was actually puzzling to say they never kept consistent contact with one another. Like the summer after her first year of college when she landed an internship in New York at the Staley-Wise Gallery, and Erik casually sauntered through the crowd of the gallery on a busy afternoon. He was notably different. More mature in his looks and moved more guarded than the teenager Isis once new, nonetheless his magnetic pull drew her in almost immediately. It was that force that never allowed her to shy away when she was near him, even if she tried. Isis was uneasy with idea of being attached to Erik, because life had a way of showing her that her best bet was on herself. Despite this, he made her feel safe. He was there when the gallery closed. They chilled with each other like there was no time lost between the two. Any time she was free during his two week stay, Erik made sure he spent it with her sparking that old crush letting it fully ignite. When he asked her, “You saved yourself for me?” It wasn’t much of a question. He knew she did.

           Years passed and after graduating from undergrad, Isis moved back to Los Angeles. Isis like every woman has experienced a fair share of cat calling and unwanted extra male attention. When she experienced it one particular night, the ‘I have a boyfriend’ and ‘your man don’t let you have friends’ debate was brought to an abrupt end with a ‘Nah’ from a male voice behind her. Isis wanted to roll her eyes because she knew she didn’t have a man but she didn’t necessarily want to entertain the new unknown voice because he played superhero. She was in luck to find it was Erik. Isis was stricken with awe. She was sure their last encounter would be the final one. Isis came to terms with that.

      Erik and Isis practically bound. What else could explain their unexpected reconnections? Their most encounters recent were in Johannesburg. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since she’d seen or heard from him. She knew of him being in the navy and his plans for Wakanda. Part of her thought he was dead. When attending a museum on a much needed off day, pictures of South Africa’s neighboring country Wakanda acted as a friendly reminder of her old friend.

“What do you know about Wakanda? Almighty Isis.” The familiar predatory voice purred in her ear. Isis whipped around to see a vastly different appearance yet Erik in the flesh.

********

     Isis raised an eyebrow as a sly smirk crept onto her face. The same smirk that Erik held, mirror-like with arrogance. She turned her attention to her best friend. Isis waited for what would be a proper introduction. After all, Brea was oblivious to Erik and Isis’s acquaintance.  She had no clue that Isis and Erik’s once-in-a-blue moon meetings sparked a flame consuming the flesh and spread like wild fire only to be put out not long after it starts. Neither Erik nor Isis was accustomed to the immense connection they possessed, like a shared soul internalizing each other’s pain without explanation, knowing things about each other that never needed to be verbalized. Something about it always savoring the essence of its natural flow and it was still so foreign. Yet, Brea did not know that her Erik was Isis’s N’Jadaka.

“Sorry, I’m being rude! Ice, this is Erikkkk” Brea sang his name. Isis chewed her inner cheek to keep from cringing. She wasn’t sure if it was the way Brea said his name or the thought of Erik fucking her best friend.

“Wassup” Erik said with a nod. Isis coach herself mentally not to roll her eyes. Should she tell Brea? Would it even matter? Could she even be mad at Erik? They never had anything exclusive, ever.

“Hello.” Isis kept her response curt.

“Yo…You look hella familiar like I know you from somewhere.” Erik tilted his head dreads falling more into his face as his tongue ran over his gold fangs. If he wanted to be petty, Isis could match all energy.

“Doubt it…Probably Instagram.” Isis said with a shrug gaining an uneasy look from Brea. Brea was accustomed to Isis being more polite in general, after all she deemed Isis as the ‘nice’ friend.

     If this situation couldn’t get anymore awkward, Isis phone began to ring illuminating with the name Aaron and a picture of her and a handsome chocolate man making goofy faces with the Snap Chat dog filter. Isis sucked in a deep breath breaking her gaze from her phone immediately locking eyes with Erik. She couldn’t believe the situation that was unfolding before her. Her secret on and off ‘fling’ was in her home with every intention on fucking her best friend, despite having a two-week long mind-blowing sexscapade with Isis in South Africa just days prior. Her best friend had no clue and her current situationship was hitting her up for the late night action.

“Don’t ignore my brother-in-law. You know the drill.” Brea laughed. It was too late. Isis missed the call. Isis could only let out a nervous chuckle while avoiding looking at Erik altogether.

“Whatever Bree. I’ll get out of you guys’ way.” Isis said fanning them off while quickly texting Aaron she was on her way.

       She sat her laptop down to get ready to leave. Isis quickly gathered her tote, which was packed with her essentials since she had landed that night. It was no need for Aaron to leave the door unlocked she had a key. He was far more invested than she was but she did care for him.

“This picture is dope. These scars look so familiar.” Brea squinted as she studied Isis’s MacBook Pro.

“Ehhh, you know ritual practices…just something I saw in South Africa.” Isis said looking directly at Erik with a smirk. She took her laptop from Brea as she headed towards the door. “You two have fun!” Isis shot them a wink.

[tarysande]

Hi tarysande! I remember a little while ago you mentioned you were applying to creative writing MFA programs. Just wondering how that went? I'm thinking of applying to some myself, and curious about the process.

I ended up only applying to the one. I was wait-listed but ended up not getting in. And you know, that’s totally fine. Right around the time I found out I’d been wait-listed, I ended up reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. There was a section called Schooling, where she talks some real talk about going into debt to get an MFA and ... you know what, I’m just going to C&P that part. Because I don’t think people talk enough about how debt can destroy creativity. I have been there before and I do not recommend it. If I had been really committed to teaching at the university level—I do think an MFA would’ve proven useful. But to be honest, I think I’d much rather work one-on-one with people, or run small, personal workshops--and I don’t need extra letters after my name for that.

Would I have done the program if I’d gotten in? Debt and all? I don’t know. Maybe. It was pretty prestigious (even being wait-listed was ... a big deal). But I know this section of this book basically grabbed me by the shoulders and said, “THINK HARD ABOUT THIS.” And thinking hard is always worth doing.

Schooling, from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic.

I never got an advanced degree in writing. I don’t have an advanced degree in anything, actually. I graduated from NYU with a bachelor’s degree in political science (because you have to major in something) and I still feel lucky to have received what I consider to have been an excellent, old-fashioned, broad-minded liberal arts education. While I always knew that I wanted to be a writer, and while I took a few writing classes as an undergrad, I chose not to seek out a master’s of fine arts in creative writing once I was finished at NYU. I was suspicious of the idea that the best place for me to find my voice would be in a room filled with fifteen other young writers trying to find their voices. Also, I wasn’t exactly sure what an advanced degree in creative writing would afford me. Going to an arts school is not like going to dentistry school, for instance, where you can be pretty certain of finding a job in your chosen field once your studies are over. And while I do think it’s important for dentists to be officially credentialed by the state (and airline pilots, and lawyers, and manicurists, for that matter), I am not convinced that we need officially credentialed novelists. History seems to agree with me on this point. Twelve North American writers have won the Nobel Prize in Literature since 1901: Not one of them had an MFA. Four of them never even got past high school. These days, there are plenty of staggeringly expensive schools where you can go to study the arts. Some of them are fabulous; some of them, not so much. If you want to take that path, go for it—but know that it’s an exchange, and make certain that this exchange truly benefits you. What the schools get from the exchange is clear: your money. What the students get out of the exchange depends on their devotion to learning, the seriousness of the program, and the quality of the teachers. To be sure, you can learn discipline in these programs, and style, and perhaps even courage. You may also meet your tribe at art school—those peers who will provide valuable professional connections and support for your ongoing career. You might even be lucky enough to find the mentor of your dreams, in the form of a particularly sensitive and engaged teacher. But I worry that what students of the arts are often seeking in higher education is nothing more than proof of their own legitimacy—proof that they are for real as creative people, because their degree says so. On one hand, I completely understand this need for validation; it’s an insecure pursuit, to attempt to create. But if you’re working on your craft every day on your own, with steady discipline and love, then you are already for real as a creator, and you don’t need to pay anybody to affirm that for you. If you’ve already gone out and earned yourself an advanced degree in some creative field or another, no worries! If you’re lucky, it made your art better, and at the very least I’m sure it did you no harm. Take whatever lessons you learned at school and use them to improve your craft. Or if you’re getting a degree in the arts right now, and you can honestly and easily afford to do so, that’s also fine. If your school gave you a free ride, better still. You’re fortunate to be there, so use that good fortune to your advantage. Work hard, make the most of your opportunities, and grow, grow, grow. This can be a beautiful time of focused study and creative expansion. But if you’re considering some sort of advanced schooling in the arts and you’re not rolling in cash, I’m telling you—you can live without it. You can certainly live without the debt, because debt will always be the abattoir of creative dreams. One of the best painters I know is a teacher at one of the world’s most esteemed art schools—but my friend himself does not have an advanced degree. He is a master, yes, but he learned his mastery on his own. He became a great painter because he worked devilishly hard for years to become a great painter. Now he teaches others, at a level that he himself was never taught. Which kind of makes you question the necessity of the whole system. But students flock from all over the world to study at this school, and many of these students (the ones who are not from wealthy families, or who did not get a full ride of scholarships from the university) come out of that program with tens of thousands of dollars of debt. My friend cares immensely about his students, and so watching them fall so deeply into debt (while, paradoxically, they strive to become more like him) makes this good man feel sick in the heart, and it makes me feel sick in the heart, too. When I asked my friend why they do it—why these students mortgage their futures so deeply for a few years of creative study—he said, “Well, the truth is, they don’t always think it through. Most artists are impulsive people who don’t plan very far ahead. Artists, by nature, are gamblers. Gambling is a dangerous habit. But whenever you make art, you’re always gambling. You’re rolling the dice on the slim odds that your investment of time, energy, and resources now might pay off later in a big way—that somebody might buy your work, and that you might become successful. Many of my students are gambling that their expensive education will be worth it in the long run.” I get this. I’ve always been creatively impulsive, too. It comes with the territory of curiosity and passion. I take leaps and gambles with my work all the time—or at least I try to. You must be willing to take risks if you want to live a creative existence. But if you’re going to gamble, know that you are gambling. Never roll the dice without being aware that you are holding a pair of dice in your hands. And make certain that you can actually cover your bets (both emotionally and financially). My fear is that many people pay through the nose for advanced schooling in the arts without realizing that they’re actually gambling, because—on the surface—it can look like they’re making a sound investment in their future. After all, isn’t school where people go to learn a profession—and isn’t a profession a responsible and respectable thing to acquire? But the arts are not a profession, in the manner of regular professions. There is no job security in creativity, and there never will be. Going into massive debt in order to become a creator, then, can make a stress and a burden out of something that should only ever have been a joy and a release. And after having invested so much in their education, artists who don’t immediately find professional success (which is most artists) can feel like failures. Their sense of having failed can interfere with their creative self-confidence—and maybe even stop them from creating at all. Then they’re in the terrible position of having to deal not only with a sense of shame and failure, but also with steep monthly bills that will forever remind them of their shame and failure.

Please understand that I am not against higher education by any means; I am merely against crippling indebtedness—particularly for those who wish to live a creative life. And recently (at least here in America) the concept of higher education has become virtually synonymous with crippling indebtedness. Nobody needs debt less than an artist. So try not to fall into that trap. And if you have already fallen into that trap, try to claw your way out of it by any means necessary, as soon as you can. Free yourself so that you can live and create more freely, as you were designed by nature to do.

Be careful with yourself, is what I’m saying.

Be careful about safeguarding your future—but also about safeguarding your sanity.

[mobius-prime]

159. Sonic Super Special #15

Welcome to the final Sonic Super Special ever! Here's my opinion on it. Past Super Specials have ranged from okay to amazing, depending on the writer and the subject matter, and their long length has usually, if you ask me, worked in their favor, as it meant more time and space to tell a compelling story. This is not true of this one. Unfortunately, the last super special of the comic is utterly awful, with two stories that do absolutely nothing to grip my attention, one of which ends in a status quo with a net gain of absolutely nothing, and the other of which is cringeworthy and isn't even very clear on when, where or how it takes place. Let's just get this over with, shall we?

Naugus Games

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Many Hands Colors: Josh and Aimeee Ray

This first story is far, far longer than it has any right to be - it really feels like they were trying to find ways to pad it out it to take up the full 48 pages of the special. Furthermore, you might notice some oddities about the credits above. First of all, Aimee's name is misspelled with three E's for both stories for some reason, indicating some lazy copy-and-pasting as well as a lack of care from the editors. Even more frustratingly, no one is actually credited directly for the pencils (or inks), with the art instead just being credited to "many hands." Remember how I said the comic was getting annoyingly bad about properly crediting people? Now, in case you're confused, there's not just some artist out there literally named Many Hands; instead, that's the comic's way of sidestepping actually bothering to credit any individuals for their work. It just means "eh, a lot of people worked on this I guess, but we don't care enough to actually tell you who." Unfortunately, unlike a few issues ago where the art style was immediately recognizable as Steven Butler's, the art style for this story is foreign to me, suggesting they got some people who weren't their usual artists to work on this one, so I can't even take an educated guess here. All I know is that both the art style in general and the quality of the inks are very poor, and as we'll see, the art gets unforgivably lazy at times. Perhaps best of all, this story was later retconned into a much more interesting and concise version of itself at a later date, with better storytelling and artwork to boot. The only reason, then, that I'm covering it at all, is honestly as a demonstration of just how lazy the comic could get at times, as well as due to the fact that this is the first appearance of "Many Hands," who later pencilled one other issue for the comic that was of equally poor quality.

So this story takes place at an unspecified time in the recent past. It seems to be sometime after Eggman's return, judging by some of the lines of dialogue within the story, but the actual timeframe is pretty vague. Sonic has returned to the Southern Tundra to pay his respects to Eddy, recalling how Eddy sacrificed himself when he, Tails, and Nate all fought Naugus here some time ago. He's brought a single rose to lay on the site of the wreckage, but the ground isn't quite stable…

And here we have the first instance of a truly terrible art decision. Sonic falls into a pitch black cave system, but instead of representing this with maybe one page max of blackness or darker lighting, we're treated to nearly four pages straight of nothing but this:

He blindly stumbles around for a while, informing us of this fact through dialogue bubbles because everyone knows that telling is better than showing in fiction, right? He finally hits a wall and sees a glow through a crack in it, so he tunnels his way into the next room only to find it full of glowing rings - apparently, either he, Tails and Naugus somehow didn't use up all the rings when they fought, or these one have just auto-generated themselves somehow down here. Sonic recalls memories of the previous battle when Nate sealed Naugus away with a wish from a ring, and then decides to try to use one to get out of the cave system.

Wonderful! Apparently, a "wish" as defined by the magic of the rings just means that you think of someone's name while touching a ring, and so with a flash, Naugus is back from his imprisonment in the zone that Nate sealed him into! But how is this possible?

That explanation makes… basically no sense, dude. Naugus was definitely sealed away in another zone, he didn't just get turned into a pile of telepathic rings. But whatever. He and Sonic start battling it out, and somehow make it outside, where Naugus conjures up a snowstorm that consistently stays centered on Sonic no matter where he runs. Time for the second awful art choice of the issue - now instead of four pages of pure blackness, we get six whole pages of this:

I think the best thing about this is that the blizzard backgrounds are clearly not even hand drawn like the rest of the comic is - there's only two types of snowflakes up there, and they're consistently just copied and pasted in that same repetitive swirl pattern on every single page. I get that drawing for a big story in a super special like this can be long and tedious work, but this is why you don't try to find a way to artificially elongate a story like this which could easily be told in the span of a normal issue length. It just ends up making the audience feel like their time is being wasted. Anyway, the blizzard finally ends when Sonic pulls out a ring from his jacket and wishes for Naugus to be sealed away in his previous zone once more, and thus, Naugus is out of our hair again, with absolutely nothing to show for it. Man, if it's this easy to defeat people in this universe, why hasn't anyone tried this on Eggman yet?

Sonic then leaves back for home, thinking one last time of Eddy, who is shown looking down on him from the heavens above. And thank god that story is over.

Sonic Spin City

Writer/Pencils: Michael Gallagher Colors: Josh and Aimeee Ray

Michael Gallagher, over the course of the comics, has gone from one of the series' main writers to basically a guest writer who's brought on every once in a while for special occasions. In this case, he even makes his return as a penciller! Unfortunately, his goofy writing style has begun to clash with the much more serious plots of these later issues, and this story is no exception. It's entirely unclear about whether we're supposed to take this story as actual canon, as a story from an alternate zone, or as just a silly joke story that doesn’t mean anything - and while I tend to try to avoid looking at non-canon materials in this review series (I've already skipped a few stories and issues for exactly this reason), the ambiguity of this one forces me to cover it. In addition, I don't even know why Josh and "Aimeee" were credited as colorists for this story, considering the entire thing is black and white with no color to be found.

Much like the first story of StH#52, this story has the flair of an old detective serial. Sonic is wandering the streets on a rainy night when two swatbots ambush him. Of course, two swatbots are no match.

What does a swatbot need matches for? Eh, whatever. Sonic races over to Rusty's, a hangout for abandoned badniks, and orders himself a "chili dog float," which in addition to sounding absolutely disgusting doesn't even seem like something a bar for robots would serve in the first place. As he takes his seat, the lights go out, and… this abomination emerges onto the stage.

Yes. The badniks are going wild for a swatbot with tits dancing seductively on a stage for them. What is she gonna do, plug them into a wall outlet? They even start screaming out for "the stretch," and appear to get even hornier as she massively elongates her legs for them. I mean, just, what? I swear, Michael, if we get one more weird borderline-sex thing like this from you in this comic, my eyes are gonna pop out of my head like Natsuki. A bot grabs the dancer's ankle, and she's thrown off balance and crashes down, with the head popping off to reveal that underneath, it's Bunnie in disguise.

You know, after her claim all those issues back that she's a "sax cymbal," I'm not even gonna contest the idea that she'd do a sexy dance during infiltration for a mission. Hell, I get the impression she'd do one anyway just for fun back in Knothole if she got the chance. You might also notice her arm is the arm from her old design, and that coupled with Sonic's own design seems to indicate that if this took place at all in actual canon, it was before Eggman's return, though I'm immensely skeptical that this is supposed to be canon at all. Sonic and Bunnie take out the rest of Rusty's customer base, and then evacuate before the last swatbot activates its self-destruct chip, blowing the place sky high. Congratulations, nothing important was accomplished in this issue and nobody cares!

It's kinda sad that the final Sonic Super Special turned out to be so low-quality, honestly. However, this marks a bit of a turning point in the comic. For the first time in its entire run, from now on, there are no more special issues, no sister series, no miniseries, nothing. From the next issue, all the way to almost the 200th, with one exception in the form of a Free Comic Book Day issue, there are absolutely no interruptions from issue to issue. While this may not seem too notable at first, since we've just been reading everything in mostly-chronological order anyway, keep in mind that as far as the comic is concerned we're still in the year 2000, with a mere seven years having passed from the beginning of the comic all the way to now over the course of 159 issues. Over the course of the next 106 issues, we're going to blaze through nine years of comic history, meaning that the story is going to flow a lot faster, with more plot points being covered in a shorter amount of time. While this does make the order of issues a lot easier to follow, since there's no questions about which issue fits in where or anything, I am sad to see all the special issues go, as I quite enjoyed how they served to break up the flow of the comic as a whole with special stories and side content. Though we're still in the middle of our current plot era, we're entering into a new era of the comic as a whole, where we've got a straight shot through the next hundred issues. So I say - let's do it to it!

[sasorikigai]

My muse in a relationships || @ephemeralkryonics​ || accepting (Part 1)

🤗Are they physically affectionate?

Physical touch for Hanzo is immensely important; not only is it a fundamental human necessity, but the need for affection in him is unique in the sense that even he may be perceived as “a loner,” maintaining the ability to ignore relationships with others unless the necessary ones as a Grandmaster and being a parental substitute for Takeda Takahashi, there is still a sense of emptiness that exists when he is isolated from human interaction. 

For him, affection is more than just an emotion, it can be considered by him as a most important requirement in healthy relationships. Affection is an ebb and flow between two people, where each individual is giving and receiving a certain amount of contact and interaction at all times. Whether it is through a hug, kiss or a cuddle, affection is the way he shows Kuai Liang how important he is in Hanzo’s world.

Physical intimacy between them not only strengthens the bond between them and fosters closeness, it serves as a major binder that helps them iron out the differences between them. Physical intimacy builds a stronger connection between two people by mitigating any existing negativity. Through exercising it, it would only enhance trust and a stronger sense of companionship between them.

🎶Do they have a type?

Hanzo seems to be gravitated towards emotionally strong people who he could lean against; resilient and insistent on their own, capable to meet his fire, but also being able to understand and extend compassion and perception. Emotions become the most visceral and primal external stimuli which he could exert without having the blueprint of him crumble and blur around the edges. As he is known to be volatile, impulsive and follows his heart more than his brain, it’s better than following the visceral manifestation of violence which he used to be subjugated under Scorpion’s fiery, demonic spirit. 

As I associate Kuai as a rose; for Hanzo needs that type of significant other who can balance him out. I always headcanon that Harumi’s personality would have been very similar to that of Kuai Liang’s; quiet, altruistic, emotionally strong and stable, very chill, strong-willed and a very good moral and emotional pillar for hanzo. If Hanzo Hasashi was (and still is) the most ferocious and talented Shirai Ryu warrior in all their history, Harumi would have went down as the strong matriarch of the clan, who encompassed the clan with open arms, offering words of wisdom and advice and being a good listener. She would have served a pivotal supportive role in the clan.  

😡What are their deal breakers?

His two most primordial facets include discipline and loyalty, so if someone is dubious in their morality, a perpetual liar who is distrustful and disloyal to him in any manner, there would be no forgiverance. 

Because Hanzo is such a traditionalist and heavily influenced by Confucius’ teachings, its philosophy including;

Ren, the virtue of benevolence, charity, and humanity;

Yi, of honesty and uprightness;

Zhi, knowledge;

Xin, the virtue of faithfulness and integrity;

Li, correct behavior, or propriety, good manners, politeness, ceremony, worship.

Those who cannot follow the doctrines which he had been taught - he is a proper, respectfully behaviored warrior - are not worthy of pursuing any relationships with him at any cost. Kuai Liang encompasses all of this, and considers him not only a respectable warrior, but a friend, a life companion, a lover and a soulmate. 

↕��Are they sub, dom or switch?

Hanzo is predominantly flexible (despite wanting to exercise control and much prefers being dominant) when it comes to lovemaking, but as his masculinity allows, he will expect to be in a dominant position even when he’s seemingly not. Intimate sex to him transcends the concept of sex, and it has to be significant in that both partners have to be emotionally connected and pushed together by the fate’s hand, one touch that fit, as old, idealized feelings would be relearned to his new body. For love to him isn’t something that is forged nor created, but has always been (taken away by deception and manipulation of Quan Chi). With Kuai Liang, he will expect himself to be in a dominant position simply because he’s more experienced one out of the two. 

⏰How long do their relationships tend to last?

Until the end of his living breath. For Hanzo, love binds all romantic relationships and that bond is unbreakable. Without love, he would not exist; for love makes all hard hearts gentle. Love itself grants him a sense of reassurance, self-esteem, and love for himself. Love enhances the lives of both partners in the relationship when he is in love, his emotions are at an ultimate high. It creates a bond that is not easily broken and it lasts for his lifetime.  

💍Would they ever get married?

He was married once to Harumi and he considers her as a soulmate. Although Hanzo is still mending his bleeding, septic wounds, he also has come to realization that miring in the past had been stunting his growth and development, as years and years have been spent with gnawing grief, resentment and melancholy. The desiderium, a deep longing to experience will always be there, but it’s being married (having himself absolutely devoted to responsibilities and duties that come with his marriage) that anchors his heart and settles his mind. 

🏷️Do they give their partners cute nicknames?

Hanzo is mostly a traditionalist who is proper and formal, so he would often use things like ‘beloved,’ and ‘love.’ Or he would opt to use Japanese and call Kuai “運命の人 (man of destiny; soulmate),” “あなた (you, in terns of romantic/sexual love),” or “ハンサム (handsome).” 

💋Are they more sensual or sexual?

He is essentially a sensualist, meaning he will utilize all the blazing, burnt, burning trails of his hands to trail along his significant other’s skin, roaming to paint his color upon his lover’s body. He’s vanilla when it comes to sex; there is a lot of eye contact, gentle caresses wanting sufficient time to explore his lover’s body. Essentially, it is a sacred act that chases away his negative emotions melt away. It anchors him, reminds him that he deserves happiness. He deserves a second chance at love, despite him always struggling with underlying guilt. He will be at his most vulnerable, with all the raw, unfiltered emotions spilling out as he reaches the climax. 

In essentiality, sex is feeling the sequence of his heart beating through his lover’s lips, as they create beautiful rhythm together. It becomes this peculiar thing of dualism and dichotomy, where it’s all he wants and other times it’s what he needs the least. He wants it with all of his heart, yet his gnawing guilt and limerence towards Harumi will always be there no matter what. And he’s an absolute pessimistic optimist and believes not many will love him, because of all his underlying emotions and all the pain-riddled dourness and appears indifferent and nonchalant. Even with his hardened exterior, he’s so vulnerable and soft inside. He knows of its cruelty and indescribable beauty - and all of its otherworldly, seamless perfection of stealing each other’s breaths and letting him wrecked in cornucopia of sensations. And he wants the sharp angles or his personality and beautiful lines of his body and mind to become completely abstract as he floats in the seventh heaven, as he savors it, engrave it in his memory and write songs about it as notes imprint on his lover’s skin, with everything light and good in the world, despite him not living in it.

📖What is their favorite outside of the bedroom activity to do with their partner?

It would be either sparring or spending time in the hot springs to relax. Hanzo can harbor a lot of stress within, most of which he does not get to release beyond fighting or taking a moment in nature to relax and calm down. He also likes to delve into his artistic endeavors, preferring to paint his partner in sumi-e, writing poetry, practicing caligraphy or reading. 

🛏What is their favorite bedroom activity to do with their partner?

I always imagine them being more sensual than sexual, so they would strip down naked, let their roaming hands and lips become the quenching rain that water their acrid, parched dry skin down with gossamer pitter-patters of peppered kisses and exploratory caresses that repeatedly map the coordinates of their musculature, all the imperfections and scars and all, along with the exquisite peaks and valleys of their chiseled form shining aureate under the beaming moonlight.

Their sensual, intimate, and carnal exploration could last for hours at times, The ebb and flow of time when they are entangled like this brims them with exquisite joy, exhilarating bliss and contentment, without their emotional abysmal void gnawing their unconscious, as both of them suffer from severe and lucid nightmares.

Alight brighter than the sun under Hanzo’s furnace warmth and Kuai’s misty vapor that saturate their aureate forms, through their vigorous carnal exposition of impassioned desire, gentleness and tenderness, they remind themselves that they are not alone - they are highly introverted beings who thrive in solitude and loneliness, but desire to be emotionally connected to a person, so much so that each other’s presence alone calms and numbs their pain - as the cruelty and violence of their daily lives become offset by the exploration of body, mind and soul.

💚Are they prone to jealousy?

While Hanzo has his own streaks of insecurity and paranoia, he is confident and holds himself in a high regard, and also does his significant partner. Because of his lack of jealousy, his instincts are signaling that he is in a relationship with someone who he will be fully able to trust. He can appear concerned and worried, but he will never exhibit it openly. He has high sense of self-worth, and don't feel envious of Kuai’s circumstances or relationships. For comparison is the thief of joy and Hanzo is well aware that if he is constantly stacking up his life against someone else's, chances are he will find something to nitpick. Instead, he prefers to just plainly fixate on the positives - in his life and in the lives of others that naturally involves both of them as Grandmasters and Protectors of the Earthrealm sworn to protect it until their last breath.

😘Does their demeanor change when in a relationship?

In general, people are very much affected by those around them, and not just behaviorally. A growing body of scientific evidence suggests that people’s self-concepts actually change when they’re a relationship and Hanzo is no different from the normalcy of how people act. Because their relationship is healthy; they have mutual respect towards one another and are highly intelligent, sympathetic people in their hearts. Because deep down, they are kind, responsible and emotionally resilient, so they are going to only substantially improve their chances of maintaining a stable and satisfying marriage. 

[alwaysmarilynmonroe]

Tonight marks 57 years since Marilyn left us – her body was found by her housekeeper in the early hours of August 5th and it was officially announced to the world that morning. Every year I try and write about Marilyn on both her Birthday and her Anniversary, each time I make sure to focus on one particular thing – to celebrate and appreciate her for the amazing person she truly was.

Baby Marilyn, then known as Norma Jeane Baker in 1929.

So many people and society tend to view Marilyn as a victim, passed around from man to man and used throughout her lifetime. This both angers and frustrates not just me, but many fans, who have spent years taking the time to research legitimate sources and find out who Marilyn herself was. Often her death is viewed as a conspiracy fueled gossip loving debate, so much so that she ends up no longer seeming like a young woman anymore, but an object of fascination.

Marilyn in the 1930s.

It seems to me that it’s easier for people to believe in the distasteful lies and conspiracies that surround not just Marilyn, but many other celebrities and icons before and after her. People cannot comprehend someone as beautiful, talented and loved as her to have any demons or hardships. It almost seems like it’s frowned upon to listen to the doctors original death verdict – which was, “probable suicide” as depression can’t always be comprehended or accepted by others. It also doesn’t continue to sell hundreds of books and trashy articles like conspiracies and salacious stories do and sadly, that’s what so many seem to care more about. In the end Marilyn ends up being turned into a former shadow of her true self, which is just not acceptable to me and so many others – therefore, I will continue to try and dispel the lies and bring back her true character.

Marilyn visits Catalina Island in 1943.

Furthermore, Marilyn’s death does not define her – intended or accidental it is still and will always be a tragedy, but, it does not take away from her 36 years of life and the achievements she made during and after her lifetime.  Marilyn was a voice for the underdog, incredibly ahead of her time she defied gender stereotypes and was never afraid to be honest and speak out about taboo topics such as sexuality, abuse and the pay gap. She was also the third Actress to set up her own Film Production Company – Mary Pickford and Mabel Normand did so in 1916.

Marilyn by Andre de Dienes in 1945.

Marilyn constantly tried to improve herself as a human and an artist, she suffered immensely for her creativity, always wanting to be the best actress she could become. She was very self conscious of her limited education and loved to read and learn about a variety of subjects – her library had over four hundred books on it’s shelves varying from Psychology to Russian Literature! She loved the simple things in life, such as walking around Brooklyn, caring for animals, listening to music and spending time with loved ones. Ultimately, this was the real Marilyn, the person that so often gets lost in the publicity of hearsay and money making headlines.

Marilyn by J.R. Eyerman in 1949.

I truly hope that whenever a person comes across Marilyn, they take a few moments to discover the real her, the person behind the Blonde Bombshell persona. It’s so easy to see a headliner or false image and believe an inaccurate presentation of a famous person. I may be a little biased, but I can honestly say that feelings aside, Marilyn was truly an incredible woman, brave, generous, kind and strong, someone who just wanted to make the world a little brighter. Plus, even if all of these ridiculous, continuously disproven myths miraculously ended up being true, it would not change my the amount of respect or adoration I have for her.

Marilyn by Nick de Morgoli in 1953.

So many associate sexual promiscuity, addiction and stupidity with Marilyn and honestly, it not only saddens me but I find it incredibly, infuriating. Firstly, even half a century later, the amount of sexism and double standards that still exist in our society is simply disgusting. Therefore, I’d like to touch on each one of these so called flaws and share the facts behind the assumptions.

Marilyn in England in July 1956.

Did Marilyn have an affair? Yes, she did – with Actor Yves Montand during the making of Let’s Make Love in 1960 – not with the often noted, John F. Kennedy. In reality, they only met a less than juicy four times from 1960 and three of them were at public events. Yet as always, the woman is shamed and condemned – even if the hearsay comes about years after her death by people simply wanting to make some money. I would say that a huge amount of Stars in Hollywood had affairs during their careers, no judgement here, I’m just stating the facts. However, why is it Marilyn that is constantly criticized, judged and linked to every man in and out of Hollywood? In reality she spoke out multiple times about the peril of the, “Hollywood Wolves” and actually lost out on a contract renewal with Columbia Head Harry Cohn for turning down a proposition. Lastly, if she had slept with every single person that she’s been associated with, she’d never have had time to have such a successful career and three marriages.

Marilyn by Sam Shaw in the Summer of 1957.

Was Marilyn an addict? Yes, she was addicted to prescription medications such as Chloral Hydrate and Nembutal, which she would take for her depression, crippling anxiety and insomnia.  Medical negligence was extremely high in the heyday of Hollywood and if you were famous and had problems, they could often be taken advantage of instead of resolved. Personally, I don’t know why being an addict gives others the right to condemn, judge, shame and insult someone suffering from this terrible sickness? If anything there should be compassion and understanding, we are all only human and the stigma needs to stop.

Marilyn by Richard Avedon for LIFE Magazine in 1959.

Was Marilyn just a, “Dumb Blonde”? No, but for some bizarre reason to me, people seem to not be able to understand that an Actor is performing a role, the character you’re seeing on the screen is just that – a character. However, because Marilyn was able to create such a convincing persona, people could not accept that in reality, she loved to be in her capri pants, with no makeup on, sitting at home reading a good book. Even during her lifetime, her acting was usually only appreciated when she took on dramatic roles, such as in Bus Stop (1956) and The Misfits (1961). Honestly, I don’t know why a persons intelligence has any influence in how they should be viewed and treated by others and I actually think if Marilyn had been less intelligent, she would have been a lot happier.

Marilyn during the filming of The Misfits by Elliott Erwitt in 1960.

I think a lot of people forget that Marilyn was actually a real person, just like you and me, a human that graced us with her presence on this Earth. Someone as beautiful, wonderful and pure of heart like her really existed and with such a judgmental and prejudicial society like ours, it can sometimes be hard to accept this. Just because Marilyn’s no longer here in a physical presence, doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve the same respect that we’d give to others. She gave a hell of a lot to this world in just a small amount of time, her contributions to Hollywood and for women are legendary and should be appreciated and shared.

Marilyn by Bert Stern for VOGUE Magazine in June 1962.

Wherever you are sweet Marilyn, I hope you feel the love and kind words so many of us only wish we could say to you. You’ve given so much happiness to millions of people, this girl especially and we truly love and appreciate you for being undoubtedly your true self.

“But when you’re famous you kind of run into human nature in a raw kind of way. It stirs up envy, fame does. People you run into feel that, well, who is she who does she think she is, Marilyn Monroe? They feel fame gives them some kind of privilege to walk up to you and say anything to you, you know, of any kind of nature and it won’t hurt your feelings.”

– Marilyn to Richard Meryman for LIFE Magazine published on August 17th 1962.

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57 Years Without Marilyn. Tonight marks 57 years since Marilyn left us - her body was found by her housekeeper in the early hours of August 5th and it was officially announced to the world that morning.

[randomvarious]

S Club 7 - “S Club Party” Now That's What I Call Music! 6 Song released in 1999. Compilation released in 2000. Pop

We love the overly transparent crass commercialism of the 90s and early 2000s, don’t we folks? S Club 7 were the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed septet of British teens and 20-somethings that were concocted in a lab and thrust upon hordes of impressionable tweens across the world. The story of S Club 7 is a rather gross one that consists of young and attractive, moderately talented people being taken advantage of by their manager and his company to churn out gobs of content without just compensation. If you’re an American of a certain age, you probably know a little something about S Club 7. Their ballad, 2000′s “Never Had a Dream Come True,” peaked at #10 and #8 on the Billboard Hot 100 and Billboard Mainstream Top 40, respectively. Two of S Club 7′s other biggest global hits, the Jackson 5-inspired “Bring It All Back” and “S Club Party” never charted in the US, but lots of Americans still seem to be familiar with them.

S Club 7 was the brainchild of Simon Fuller, one of history’s most successful music  managers, who had managed the Spice Girls. Fuller was known for manufacturing a bunch of British boy and girl bands throughout his career and, at the time, also managed Annie Lennox of the Eurythmics and athletes, too. After helping the Spice Girls skyrocket into global superstardom as a brand that sold itself on a gimmicky blend of “girl power” and quirky British-ness, Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice) orchestrated his firing. Citing his unbearably controlling nature and his marketing schemes, the Girls decided to proceed without Fuller.

But the day after his firing, Fuller was back at it. This time, he decided he would start a new band, but rather than it being a boy band or a girl band, it would be a boy-and-girl band, modeled after an idea put forth by another British group, Steps. Steps are a quartet, and while they’ve achieved little to no success in the US, they have enjoyed wild success in Europe, especially in the UK. And they’re still around. After a five year hiatus that followed a twelve year hiatus, Steps released an album in 2017 that reached #2 on the UK charts. 

But they weren’t a Fuller group. Fuller seemed to have the connections and gravitas that Steps’ managers didn’t. To start his new group, Fuller held an audition of an astonishing 10,000 people, which eventually was culled down to seven. These seven would then be formed into a group and be dubbed S Club 7. None of the members had known each other prior, but according to all the articles I could find, they hit it off and they all became close friends.

With this crop of kids, Fuller saw dollar (or pound or Euro) signs. S Club 7 were going to be way more than just a pop group; they were going to be a marketable brand. And to achieve that goal, the first thing they were going to do was not get into the recording studio, but instead shoot a fictional TV series to air on CBBC (Children’s BBC) to introduce themselves to British pre-teens. Each character would have their own personality, which would be loosely based on their true selves, and together the group’s adventures would strengthen their bond. And each episode would consist of a choreographed song performance, too. The first season, set in Miami, would depict the seven constantly being exploited by a seedy hotel manager and made to perform housekeeping duties.

Unfortunately, these fictional circumstances were loosely based on their own reality. Over twelve weeks of shooting in Miami, the group worked tirelessly for eighteen hours per day, and after a long day’s work, would have to take care of their own cooking and laundry. Fuller and his company, who were flush with cash, didn’t provide S Club 7 with any of these needed amenities. The S Club 7 TV series would become an immense hit in the UK and ended up being sold to 120 different countries. As a result, each group member pulled in 52,000 Euro; a total pittance compared to the total sum of all the TV contracts the show received.

Seven months after its UK debut, the S Club TV series would make its way stateside on kids’ TV purgatory, Fox Family. Formerly The Family Channel, which was founded by horrible and insane Christian shitbag grifter, Pat Robertson, it would be acquired by NewsCorp. Fox would control the network’s programming, save for some hours in which Robertson’s daily spoonful of Christian conservative nonsense, The 700 Club, would air. Admittedly, for a time, I was an avid viewer of Fox Family (except when 700 Club was on), but I’m pretty sure I was rare. Year after year, Fox Family would try to replenish its lineup with new shows to attract new viewers, but they failed to peel many eyes off of the likes of Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, and the Disney Channel.

The release of the S Club TV series in the U.S. coincided with the group’s debut album. And maybe it was the fact that they only managed to get on Fox Family that led to them peaking at an unimpressive #112, but back home, they topped charts. The TV series-first formula more than paid off (for Fuller, though. Not so much for S Club 7). “Bring It All Back,” the group’s first single, which was released two months after the TV show’s debut, went to #1 in the UK. Its follow-up, “S Club Party” topped out at #2. And their debut album reached #2 as well.

And along with the TV show and the music came all the merchandise. Dolls, makeup, perfume, clothes, school supplies, a PC game, you name it. If there was an object that a kid could use, Fuller wanted it to bear the S Club name. There were also more seasons of TV and movies, too. And Fuller would reap great profits from all of it, but once again, S Club 7 saw minuscule returns from their name and likenesses being marketed and sold. 

Fuller’s cartoonishly-evil-yet-real-life-record-executive persona became more than apparent during a meeting between he, S Club 7, and some of the members’ parents. Asking how they could receive such little compensation as Fuller and his company made millions off of their efforts, Fuller told the members that he could replace them on stage with cardboard cut-outs and it wouldn’t make a difference. Fuller would also be publicly shamed by a radio DJ when it was revealed that while the S Club kids were traveling the world and making him literally millions, he flew them in economy class. Only after his miserliness was made public did he bump them up to business class.

And although Fuller knew the right people to get his band spoonfed to British kids, it didn’t mean S Club’s songs were bad for what they were. They were well-produced bubblegum pop. Five songs on the debut album ended up being produced by a Norwegian duo called Stargate. Total unknowns at the time, Stargate went on to write or produce for some of the pop world’s most successful groups and artists, including Michael Jackson, Mariah Carey, Lionel Richie, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Beyoncé, Rihanna, Selena Gomez, Janet Jackson, Shakira, Jennifer Lopez, Sam Smith, Mary J. Blige, Ne-Yo, Katy Perry, Coldplay, P!nk, Sia, Kylie Minogue, Carly Rae Jepsen, and Charli XCX. Throughout their careers, Stargate have managed to rack up a whopping seventeen Grammy noms, including four wins  But before building up that long list of accolades, they began with S Club 7. 

The first single Stargate ever produced was “S Club Party”. A piece of sunny and breezy, anthemic kids’ pop, this song is a natural earworm. Underneath mostly loud and shouted vocals, Stargate weave a celebratory, feelgood g-funk whine throughout the choruses as a series of electro-funk synths and string and horn stabs predominate the rest. The first verse, sung solo by member Jo, proceeds from relative sparseness to an addition of hand claps and a simmering choir of backup vocals, before launching into the undeniably catchy chorus. The four female members soothe in unison as the boys contrast with revelrous chants. In the post-chorus, the girls get in on the chanting, too. The second verse, which packs more energy than the one that precedes it because it’s sung in unison, introduces each member of the group with a simple rhyme. Following the bridge, the song undergroes an unexpected key change, which raises the enjoyment, and as the song fades out, Bradley, the group’s lone black member, does some light scatting. 

You know, Fuller admitted that since he was fired by the Spice Girls, there were some ideas he had had for them that he wasn’t able to use, and instead used for S Club 7. Maybe musically, he wasn’t quite finished with that g-funk infused pop sound. The Spice Girls’ “Say You’ll Be There” has that summery g-funk pool party vibe much like “S Club Party” does. Just a thought.

Here’s the music video, which shows the group transporting back to a California desert in 1959 to race a bunch of people. A choreographed song and dance seemingly materialize out of thin air, too: It comes from the movie they shot called Back to the ‘50s.

For the next few years, S Club 7 continued to release high-charting hit after high-charting hit in the UK, but in 2002, band member Paul decided to leave. This ultimately resulted in possibly the worst sentence ever written on Wikipedia:

Talking about his former musical venture three months before he left S Club 7, Paul Cattermole described his school nu metal band — called Skua— as having a "Limp Bizkit vibe" as well as comparing their style to Rage Against the Machine.

Wat.

Following Paul’s departure, S Club 7 shortened their name to S Club and continued to make hits. However, their star was clearly fading, and in 2003, they agreed to a mutual split. In 2008, some of the members got back together and formed S Club 3. In 2014, they expanded by a member and became S Club Party. Eight months after that, all seven members regrouped for a reunion tour to cash in on some nostalgia. Needless to say, Simon Fuller was involved, and hopefully, the contracts weren’t as exploitative this time around. In the meantime, Fuller would continue unabated, amassing management deals with the likes of Carrie Underwood, Amy Winehouse, and Kelly Clarkson. In 2001, he launched Pop Idol, which would be imported to the States as American Idol.

Now you know more than you thought you’d ever know about S Club 7. It’s tragic how Fuller treated them, but the group is responsible for some great turn-of-the-millennium pop hits, despite how manufactured and seemingly preordained their success was. Oh well, we can’t help what we listened to when we were kids and nostalgia has a way of making us love things we definitely wouldn’t as adults. Nothing wrong with coming to terms and embracing that fact.

Stay the fuck inside you freaks.

[lowtownbutcher]

how did you meet your wife and your best friend? What was your first impression of them?

Ah, Ors-- wait, he told me he would prefer it if I stopped disclosing his full name, as he’s a pretty high profile figure and if word got out that he was best friends with an incredibly talented necromancer and blood mage, well I imagine that wouldn’t work out for either of us.  So for the sake of this question, I’ll try to be as vague as possible out of respect for him.

Let’s see...I met him shortly after I was transferred to Kirkwall from Starkhaven’s Circle.  We were cell mates, you see.  He was always so fussy, certainly not the headstrong, determined man he is now.  Always worrying about me, “Quentin, you need to stop hiding forbidden research in our cell!”  “Quentin, stop leaving your anatomical sketches lying out in the open!”  “Quentin, the Templars are going to kill us!”  Maker, it was adorable how much he cared about me.  But I always knew he would achieve greatness.  You have to remember that this was when Maceron was First Enchanter and I’d say that we’d be better off with a shambling corpse leading us, but I’ve resurrected shambling corpses who would do better than him.  I would always tell my friend that he was exactly the kind of person who should be First Enchanter, and you know what?  He did!  I mean...or perhaps he did not.  Keeping it vague.  Let’s just say that if he were to be the First Enchanter of the Gallows in Kirkwall, I would be immensely proud of him.

And Revka...oh Revka.  I guess I’ll start from the beginning.  Some noble families would invite mages from the local Circles to their parties and events.  Not as guests, but as entertainment.  One year, I was particularly well-behaved enough to attend a party thrown by Kirkwall’s distinguished Amell family.  I planned on spending the evening getting drunk and sketching in the corner, but then I saw her.  I didn’t recognize her as an Amell, all I knew was that she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen - an opinion I still hold to this day.  When I conjured up the courage to approach her, I learned that Revka and I were of one spirit - in the sense that neither of us were appreciated for our talents and interests.  Obviously my passion for the forbidden arts were discouraged by the Circle, but Revka was always treated as an outcast by her own family for her own interests.  Though we were only strangers at the moment, it was the first time either of us were able to talk freely with someone else.  I don’t think we even danced, we spent the entire evening just talking.  Also we taxidermied a raccoon together.  That woman was an artist.

Sadly I had to return to the Circle, but we never stopped writing to each other, at least up until my eventual escape.  I swear, Orsino must have been sick and tired of me rambling on and on about her.

I mean...my nameless cell mate who may or may not have become the First Enchanter.

Not Orsino.