#but I felt like I needed to write a lot

[g4yr4t]

yesterday, annie and I had to make the difficult decision to put my dearly beloved childhood cat, annabell, to sleep. annabell was with me for eighteen years - since I was thirteen years old. I have so much to say about her that I'm going to put it under a cut for the sake of everyone's dashboards.

my aunt found annabell in a park when I was thirteen. or, more accurately, annabell found her. she walked right up to my aunt (and her german shepherd) and wanted to be taken home, so that's what my aunt (who had several cats and two dogs) did. my mom decided that it would actually be okay for me to have a cat after all, and she was with me for eighteen years after that. the only time we didn't live together was when I was in college and couldn't take her with me to the dorms/apartments.

she was kind of a bitch in the early days, to be honest. or at least, very strong-willed and sassy and not super cuddly. but when I was fourteen and my nana was in the hospital dying and I was crying all the time, she was sweet and snuggly to me. she was good to me when it mattered.

I thought for sure that I had lost her at least three times over the years. once, she got stuck in an attic crawlspace in my mom's house on christmas eve. I was understandably distraught, because we couldn't get her out. but then, on christmas day, she woke my mom up by yelling at her for food, having somehow figured out how to free herself.

she got also got trapped in a wall in my first apartment, and then went missing for twenty-four hours after having wandered out of my house when someone was moving in around 2020 or 2021. that was absolutely awful. she had already gone deaf by then, so even though my neighbors were super sweet and searched and called for her, I knew it was unlikely that she would turn up. then, the next day, my roommate and I were sitting in the living room and we heard this pitiful meowing. she had found her way back to our front porch and was sitting by the window outside. it had stormed the night before, and she was wet and matted and hungry but still very alive. after that, we got her a collar with a bell on it and a tag with her name and annie's phone number.

she mellowed out after she lost her hearing and became much more social, planting herself in the middle of parties and gatherings to take up space while sleeping. she got up into my lap sometimes, and while she wasn't exactly cuddly, she would sit there until I absolutely had to move her. she wouldn't take a hint or move when I changed positions - I had to physically remove her from my body.

she loved to go outside, even though she had been an indoor cat since my aunt found her in that park. we were planning on harness training her, but her joints became stiff and it got harder for her to walk and we had to move out of the house with the good backyard. she came with my to five different houses and apartments, with more and more moving in her later years. I am deeply sad that she will not be coming with me to my next apartment, or to wherever I eventually "settle down" (which will hopefully happen someday soon).

but she was sick, and had been for a long time. even though she was eighteen and had arthritis and respiratory problems that included a very upsetting cough, her sudden decline was surprising. within the past week, she lost her ability to jump, stopped eating independently (we fed her by hand), and completely lost control of her bladder. I picked her up and put her on the couch to sleep the last couple of nights so that she could be next to me. she couldn't come up on my bed to smack me in the face for food at 4am anymore (I would hear the jingling of her collar, then she would hit me in the face... jingle, smack. heavy breathing. smack.).

she was such a huge part of my life, and it even though she was doing very badly as of yesterday, I still had hope that we could give her meds and take her home so that she could pass here instead of at the vet's office. but that isn't how it happened. I hate that that isn't how it happened. we buried her in my mom's backyard because she loved to be outside and we don't have a backyard with real dirt right now and we'll be moving soon anyway. even though I know it isn't the case, I still feel like I let her down. leaving my mom's house still felt like abandoning her. I already miss her so, so much, and it's going to be very weird to live without her.

annabell, I loved you dearly. I still love you dearly. there is a hole in my heart where you were. you were a cat, but also a friend and a companion and the longest lasting relationship in my life outside of my (human) family members. we watched each other grow up for eighteen years. I will never stop grieving, even when I stop crying for you all the time, because that's how love works. I miss you, my old lady. goodnight.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Normal boy spotted.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[starry-bi-sky]

The first time disciple Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu meets Liu Qingge, it is during a Bai Zhan peak raid. And what ends up happening is that Shen Qingqiu gets kicked in the jaw with such force he feels his teeth clack together unpleasantly. And frustrated with his situation, the system, and quite frankly a ton of other little things that have been building up over the course of the last few weeks, he feels something snap in the back of his mind like that of a rubber band after being stretched too far.

What ends up happening is that Shen Qingqiu turns and locks onto the very first figure he can see that is dressed in grey-and-white like a homing missile, and then with the force of a twin-tailed mountain tiger, lunges towards said figure with an equally menacing snarl.

He ends up taking the Bai Zhan peak disciple by utter surprise, and they both collide into the ground in a tangle of angry yelling and limbs. What ends up happening is that Liu Qingge gets the subsequent wind knocked out of him and pinned into the dirt by a Qing Jing peak disciple who is filled with the might and fury of a scholar having their peaceful afternoon interrupted and a once-grown-man re-experiencing puberty.

It is with that might and fury that Liu Qingge meets the wild, frenzied eyes of Shen Qingqiu, with his lips pulled back into a truly ferocious scowl. Shen Qingqiu hisses out, with such force it makes his voice rasp, as if he might as well sink his teeth into Liu Qingge's throat and rip it out; "Get the fuck off my mountain."

Liu Qingge is so shocked by -- well, quite a many things, but most importantly the fact that he has been pinned, and the way the sun is bouncing off this boy's face, -- that his brain needs five seconds to reboot. It's five seconds too long, because by the time he registers what just happened, Shen Yuan has clambered off him and disappeared. Gone and thrown himself into the closest dust cloud scuffling in order to unleash the rest of his fury on the other Bai Zhan Peak kids.

Qing Jing Peak experiences an unfortunate uptick in Bai Zhan disciple visits -- specifically of the Liu Qingge variety. Specifically Liu Qingge, actually. Who very much wants to find the boy that managed to get one over on him and demand a rematch. (Or maybe kiss him.)

[umblrspectrum]

ive been struggling big time coming up with anything funny to draw that hasnt been done yet so have my rw au art dump

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

Me, Us, and You

Synopsis: You've been used one too many times, and find comfort in the arms of those you love.

Foul Legacy x Reader Pronouns: Gender Neutral (no pronouns mentioned) Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Comfort Warnings: Mentions of being used as an emotional outlet

~ * ~

“Hey… why do people like using me?” Foul Legacy looks up from the chunk of crystal he was batting around, tilting his head curiously. You catch his gaze, inquisitive and concerned, and sigh. “…Sorry. It’s nothing.” He frowns with a quiet trill. Not good- he’s seen this habit before, your way of pushing down your emotions, never speaking a word. Legacy shakes out his fur, rising to his feet and crossing the room before plopping down beside you, chittering in worry. His claws knead against the carpet, nudging and pushing up against you gingerly until you finally huff out a laugh and weakly shove him back. “…You get what I mean." He does. Far too well. He’s seen it happen, from behind a corner as Childe; idly twirling a coin between his fingers, walking up to meet you at your favorite restaurant, or merely happening to pass by on the street.

One, two, three. Then more. The number of times that you’ve been treated as a mere outlet. You’re too kind for your own good, too patient, too understanding. Why can’t you get angry? Why don’t you tell off the people who start using you as an object to vent their emotions to- or at least tell them no? Instead you just smile and nod, offer your advice even when you don’t know what to say since you don’t even know your own feelings and what they mean, but you try so, so hard to lift them up, help them feel strong, better, braver. And they do. They smile again, nod, laugh. Sometimes they take your advice, sometimes they just want someone to agree with them. Whatever the case, they leave lighter, and you leave with a new burden in your arms. It’s fine. You don’t mind carrying it for them, as long as they’re happier- you insist that it makes you happy if they are, too. But inside it still hurts, knowing you only exist when someone needs you to listen. When you need to fulfil a certain role or do something for someone.

They started getting used to it, too. Pulling you into conversations as innocently as a lamb only to pour forth a tidal sea of issues and frustration. They cry and rant and yell and scream and then pat you on the back with a smile with a see you soon and talk to you later. One even paused, looking at your tapping fingers, your focused expression, and told you to write things down. So you could remember them for later, if more things came up- we wouldn’t want you to forget, now would we? A pause, a strained smile, as you fished a notebook and pencil from your bag. It made dread coil in your chest, a heavy weight over your heart. That’s right. You only matter as long as you have use.

There’s a croon, and you blink, shaken from your daze. Foul Legacy stares down at you, crystalline eye wide and anguished. No. No, no, no- he hates that you think of yourself like that, as someone, something to be used. He crawls towards you, cupping your face in his claws and letting out a soft, saddened warble. His wings twitch and flutter, curling in your direction as if he wants nothing more than to cuddle you close and shield you from all the dreadful things in the world, because he does, his instincts scratching at his skull and hissing, biting, gnashing the source of your hurt, trying to vanquish it in battle and make it disappear. Protect. Heal. Love.

Legacy squeezes you a bit tighter, pressing your head against his lavender fluff, grown soft with how much you brush and fawn over it. You think he’s beautiful- you’ve told him before, time and time again. Beautiful, lovely, wonderful- why can’t you see how amazing you are, too? How much you help, how much you matter? Even if anyone else can’t see past their own nose, he knows how much you deserve to be showered with gratitude and affection. His gentle nuzzles shift and crackle lightly, turning to soft skin, scarred hands massaging your arms. Childe presses his forehead to yours, his despair on par with Foul Legacy’s, murmuring frantic words of reassurance filled with tears. Nothing, nothing, nothing. That’s all you ever call your feelings, your wants and needs. You’ve spent so long supporting others that you can’t even remember anything you desire, truly, nothing at all. He caresses your cheek, looking deep into your eyes with an oceanic gaze. Please, tell him something you want. Anything. Please. You shudder, and desperately reach your arms to him. Childe meets you halfway, wrapping you in a firm, tight hug and pressing his face against your shoulder.

He wants to give you everything, yet he knows what you need most is someone you can just exist with, not to help, not to complete a task for them, but just to be in their- his- presence. If you listen to his woes, ever, not even the Archons would be able to stop him from listening to yours, because you deserve it. Friendships go both ways, the world seems to have forgotten. Childe was your friend first, and he’s your friend now, and your love, your Harbinger, your sweet, monstrous Foul Legacy, and he adores you with every fiber of his being. Childe peppers kisses over your face, one hand human, the other armored talons, both him and his Abyssal half comforting you. Yes, they get what you mean. They get what you mean all too well, aching and weeping and watching you suffer again and again, wringing yourself dry for people who toss you away once their problems are solved.

But not with them. Never again with Childe and Legacy, forever by your side. You have no tears left to cry, but they still hush you, gently. Shh, shh… it’s alright. Everything will be okay. Childe sighs as he pulls away, tracing your features with a finger and holding back his own sobs, steadying his voice against his resentment towards the world for your treatment. “Talk to me. Talk to us. Please.” For us, we love you so.

[jasperthejester]

me: finally accepting theres a good chance im autistic and starting to work up the courage to ask my parents to see if i could get a diagnoses but being scared to

my mom: do you ever think you have adhd? if you want to do a screening for add next time your at the doctors you can

me:

[icewindandboringhorror]

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

[480pfootage]

And now onto how Kate interacts with the other proxies... phew! got this out in time for crp day.. Included: Tim, Brian, Toby, Rouge

Before getting into all the others.. Since the proxy Kate spends the most time with is herself I thought it'll be nice to.. have how she treats herself first. After the circumstances of STA she rarely gets time to take care of herself anymore. It's always victim after victim.. She finds herself thinking her body expendable; her empty stomach will heal after eating itself inside out, her broken limbs will always regenerate. Kate just doesn't treat herself very well...

TIM

Tim often takes the leadership role in any relationship and it's no different with the proxies and or specifically Kate.

Especially since she's one of the younger proxies alongside Toby, he feels the need to take care of her.

Kate doesn't think much of it when Tim finds her collapsed somewhere and brings her back to the cabin Brian, Toby, and him live.. She's happy that Tim takes care of her, i.e. gives her some food, tries to get her to shower, as she interprets it as Tim slowly starting to accept being a proxy and therefore starting to see the Slenderman as the savior he is!

She likes it when the proxies are nice to each other too so she savors the pampering she gets from Tim when injured..

BRIAN

Kate and Brian don't really interact much.

Kate only "visits" the cabin when the Slenderman teleports her broken body nearby and Brian mostly stays cooped up in his room until "hunts"

it's hard for them to actually cross paths with each other.

Brian is also a very apathetic being, stuck between his limbo of given life and death, he can't really experience empathy unless it's for someone he truly cares about (see Tim or Toby on the occasion).

He had to quickly pull Toby from falling to the belief that perhaps the Slenderman is good when he spent too much time with Kate and also some other stuff..

They both mainly stay out of each other's way when necessary.

I'm sure there's been a time that Kate accidentally stole his kill, not knowing the other proxies were already on the victim

Brian definitely got pissy because of that..

He had to be dissuaded from being petty by Tim

TOBY

That is his best friend right there. Probably. Hopefully.

Toby immediately latched on when he first met Kate while on a hunt.

She's actually around his age! Do you know how hard it is to find proxies that you could actually relate with that doesn't treat you like a child...!

Tim and Brian do think that she's a bad influence to Toby. He's quick to do anything to please if it means that someone would tolerate him and that doesn't bide well with Kate's admiration of the Slenderman and Rouge.

He also started cannibalizing some victims because of her.. He just thought it was sick and wanted to try.

Kate appreciates his company whenever it's available, but she doesn't actively seek him out.

Kate makes him not feel bad about just wanting to kill sometimes. It's just more power for the Slenderman either way, if he needs to let off some steam on a random person then go for it!

The thing about Kate is that she rarely speaks above a few grunts. She may spit out a few words, but that's usually it.. Toby likes translating what she's thinking (mostly getting it wrong, but the sentiment's there)

ROUGE

Above all, Rouge is the only proxy still integrated into everyday society. (Tim and Brian may go into town, but that isn't often.. Rouge actually has a nice suburban house..)

That makes it hard for Kate to visit.. It's very upsetting for her..

Rouge and Kate are a little co-dependent on each other.

Out of the proxies they're the ones that actually believe the Slenderman does good which is what initially brought them close to each other..

It's very much a peculiar relationship.. Kate has mommy issues while Rouge is still affected by her miscarriage all those years ago.

Their relationship is built on spontaneity I would say plus Rouge herself is already a very brash person..

Rouge is another person that takes care of Kate's wounds and also buys her things to take care of her burns and cleans her and takes care of her haiirr... a lot of things

Kate looks up to Rouge as she's taught her a lot on how to just past the time. Whether that be wood carving (which she in turn taught Toby), hunting, cooking, kissing ah they just like each other a lot..

The only difficult part of their relationship is the fact that the Slenderman has Rouge patrolling the South while Kate's mostly situated in the Midwest..

[quietlyblooms]

alright, friends, it's time for a lil heart-to-heart.

for quite a while now, i've struggled with feeling like the rpc is an actual community. there's a few things that contribute to this feeling, but it mostly comes down to a lack of interaction and visible interest. sometimes i feel very one-sided in my interest and attachment to my mutuals bc when i see their ooc posts or headcanons, i like them or comment, yet this isn't reciprocated by everyone. i can usually guess who i'm about to see in my notifications, and to be absolutely clear, i'm very grateful for those people!! it's a handful or two of you, but it could be just one and i'd be grateful. it's not about numbers whatsoever but rather growing uncomfortable that not all of my mutuals are all that interested in my character or me.

i write on here to share the excitement of creating with other people. i write on here to create together, too, but i'm also here to share characters and ideas and lore with people i know are happy to hear me ramble. i'm just getting to the point in which i'm questioning how many of you are actually happy to listen, and that's just not a good feeling at all. i'm not a mind reader, y'all. if you don't tell or show me that you care about the things i talk about or even about interacting, there's no way for me to know. eventually, i'm going to question why you're following me if i never see or hear from you, and eventually, i'm going to softblock and move on. that's the only way forward i see right now because i just do not feel comfortable on my own blog. i feel like i'm retreating into this quiet bubble to avoid discomfort, and it really sucks. it's killing my muse.

i'm not perfect. none of us are, and we can't be online at all times to catch every little post. but if we're a community, then we should be supporting each other when we can and liking headcanons, liking/commenting on those lil ooc posts that remind us our writing partners are humans with lives outside this site, reblogging their promo posts, sending in that meme they've reblogged even if we're nervous to reach out first -- if we're a roleplaying community, then we need to act like it. " community " implies connection, and a connection doesn't really begin when you follow each other. it begins when you reach out, even if it's in some small way.

tldr: i think we can all do better to support our mutuals and to connect, and i'm going to softblock people rather than continue to feel unsure where i stand with my mutuals. i won't start until sometime next week, and i won't make one of those " like this to remain mutuals " posts. they're not helpful to me, if i'm honest. if you're worried, just reach out. i'm literally a 4'9'' gremlin who sleeps with a m.unchlax plushie -- i promise i'm not scary despite this post uvu

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

[hippolotamus]

Sunday Sentences 🧜‍♂️

Using this (way more than) Seven Sentence Sunday to answer some Mer!Buck asks for anon, @spotsandsocks @underwaterninja13 @daffi-990 @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming 🧜‍♂️

Follows this snippet

By the time he’s finished his food and paid his bill there’s still plenty of daylight remaining. Plenty of time to find Evan and hopefully enjoy a brief reunion before Eddie has to go. Memories, and the ever present invisible tug, guide him back to the neighborhood near the beach house. Tourist season is over, leaving the streets mostly empty except for a few permanent residents, and homeowners winterizing their properties until the area comes back to life for rentals.

He parks in an hourly lot close to the pier, finally bracing himself for the task of calling Shannon. He could put it off even longer until he’s settled at the end of the pier, waiting for Evan. It feels wrong to mix the two worlds together, though. They’re already dangerously close.

It’s not that he doesn’t want Shannon to know, he plans on telling her, always has, but the timing is never quite right. Between getting to know each other and skipping to the babies and marriage phase, bringing up a childhood friend — who just happens to be a merperson — hasn’t managed to come up. He doesn’t think now is that time either.

With a heavy sigh Eddie dials the number and prepares to lie to his wife. Well, not lie exactly, but it won’t be the whole truth. And he’s going to tell her, so it’s fine. That’s what he keeps telling himself anyway.

“Eddie?! Where the hell are you?”

And, yeah, he deserves that greeting. “I’m, um, I’m in LA actually. Needed to take care of something before Monday.”

There’s a heavy silence before Shannon responds.

“Days before you leave, you suddenly have to take care of ‘something’,” she deadpans. “Care to elaborate?”

The only way out is through at this point, so he pushes on with the closest version of the truth he can give. “I have a friend out here, Evan, and, I don’t know how exactly to explain it, Shan. I’ve known him since we were kids and it’s been a while and I just got this weird feeling that I needed to see him. Listen, I know how weird this probably sounds, but I promise I’ll be back in the morning, and make it up to you and-”

“Eddie.” Shannon interrupts, softer this time. “It’s okay. This can’t- I’m sure it’s not easy for you. I know it’s not for me, and I’m not the one going anywhere.”

“You’re not mad?” He asks lamely.

“No, I’m not mad.” His relief is short-lived. “I’m pissed and we are having a big talk about this when you get back. But at least now I know where you are and that you’re coming home.”

“Baby, I was always-”

“Drive safe. Okay, Eddie?”

He nods, even though she can’t see him. “Yeah, okay. I will. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

tagged by @dangerpronebuddie @bi-buckrights @wikiangela @loveyouanyway @actuallyitsellie

@diazsdimples thank you loves 💞

np tagging (plus Daffi, Spots and Mic!) @jesuisici33 @rmd-writes @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @queerbuckleys

@elvensorceress @bucksbiawakening @giddyupbuck @hoodie-buck @indestructibleheart

@ladydorian05 @lemonzestywrites @monsterrae1 @statueinthestone @slightlyobsessedwitheverything

@the-likesofus @thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @welcometololaland @wildlife4life

@epicbuddieficrecs @a-noble-dragon @tizniz @diazheartsbuckley @weewootruck

@saybiwithme @bidisasterevankinard @shipperqueen6 @ramonaflow @taketheplanspinitsideways

@dangerpronebuddie @theotherbuckley @stereopticons @kitteneddiediaz @your-catfish-friend

@thekristen999 @filet-o-feelings @lizzie-bennetdarcy @rainbow-nerdss @steadfastsaturnsrings

@inell and anyone else who wants to 😘

[jessepinwheel]

my very serious writing advice for people who are trying to write more morally complex characters is to stop caring about their morality and focus instead on their individual motivations

it’s hard to articulate exactly what I mean, but the essence of it is basically: when a character does a murder, not only do I not care about whether they’re justified in doing so, it’s straight-up irrelevant. a character’s moral standing from some nebulous universal standard has no bearing on the plot or their interactions with other characters and has no use in the story for me as a writer. what does matter is why the character thought they were justified and then if it comes up to other characters, what they think about it.

you can obviously think about your characters’ morality but it’s not your job as a writer to interpret your stories for your readers and tell them how to judge your characters. your readers can see the evidence for themselves and draw their own conclusions. your job is just to understand why a character is motivated to act in a certain way and have it make sense

focusing on character motivations is a much more versatile framework than trying to give them specific personality traits or moral alignments, and frankly more useful to understand why a character would do a certain thing instead of just what they do. that way when something fucked up happens and your character starts acting differently, there’s an actual logical reason for it that isn’t you forcing characters to do things because it’s what’s required to make the plot go

when you write your characters with the understanding that people are not static and they act differently under different circumstances, complexity in character and morality follows naturally.

[squidmilk]

so I just finished mouthwashing.

what the fuck did I just play.

10/10.

[humanmorph]

"This is a message to you, who listens. You must trust me, because we are friends. You just don't know it yet. "

(The Road to PARTIZAN 05 : Ech0 & dusk to midnight)

currently halfway through PARTIZAN (making my way towards palisade extremely slowly. see u guys there in a month or two) & this is to date my favourite intro Austin has done. what an great introduction to an extremely cool character

[good-beansdraws]

Mutual left this tag on one of my Fuuta analyses and yeah...

Part two of "Fuuta’s central theme is invasion of privacy and he has extreme anxiety over being watched, so it's interesting that we get to pick him apart and see all his worst, most private thoughts" :(

[doodlejoltik]

my favourite writing device is having an un-Rei-liable narrator