#but I felt like I needed to write a lot
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yesterday, annie and I had to make the difficult decision to put my dearly beloved childhood cat, annabell, to sleep. annabell was with me for eighteen years - since I was thirteen years old. I have so much to say about her that I'm going to put it under a cut for the sake of everyone's dashboards.
my aunt found annabell in a park when I was thirteen. or, more accurately, annabell found her. she walked right up to my aunt (and her german shepherd) and wanted to be taken home, so that's what my aunt (who had several cats and two dogs) did. my mom decided that it would actually be okay for me to have a cat after all, and she was with me for eighteen years after that. the only time we didn't live together was when I was in college and couldn't take her with me to the dorms/apartments.
she was kind of a bitch in the early days, to be honest. or at least, very strong-willed and sassy and not super cuddly. but when I was fourteen and my nana was in the hospital dying and I was crying all the time, she was sweet and snuggly to me. she was good to me when it mattered.
I thought for sure that I had lost her at least three times over the years. once, she got stuck in an attic crawlspace in my mom's house on christmas eve. I was understandably distraught, because we couldn't get her out. but then, on christmas day, she woke my mom up by yelling at her for food, having somehow figured out how to free herself.
she got also got trapped in a wall in my first apartment, and then went missing for twenty-four hours after having wandered out of my house when someone was moving in around 2020 or 2021. that was absolutely awful. she had already gone deaf by then, so even though my neighbors were super sweet and searched and called for her, I knew it was unlikely that she would turn up. then, the next day, my roommate and I were sitting in the living room and we heard this pitiful meowing. she had found her way back to our front porch and was sitting by the window outside. it had stormed the night before, and she was wet and matted and hungry but still very alive. after that, we got her a collar with a bell on it and a tag with her name and annie's phone number.
she mellowed out after she lost her hearing and became much more social, planting herself in the middle of parties and gatherings to take up space while sleeping. she got up into my lap sometimes, and while she wasn't exactly cuddly, she would sit there until I absolutely had to move her. she wouldn't take a hint or move when I changed positions - I had to physically remove her from my body.
she loved to go outside, even though she had been an indoor cat since my aunt found her in that park. we were planning on harness training her, but her joints became stiff and it got harder for her to walk and we had to move out of the house with the good backyard. she came with my to five different houses and apartments, with more and more moving in her later years. I am deeply sad that she will not be coming with me to my next apartment, or to wherever I eventually "settle down" (which will hopefully happen someday soon).
but she was sick, and had been for a long time. even though she was eighteen and had arthritis and respiratory problems that included a very upsetting cough, her sudden decline was surprising. within the past week, she lost her ability to jump, stopped eating independently (we fed her by hand), and completely lost control of her bladder. I picked her up and put her on the couch to sleep the last couple of nights so that she could be next to me. she couldn't come up on my bed to smack me in the face for food at 4am anymore (I would hear the jingling of her collar, then she would hit me in the face... jingle, smack. heavy breathing. smack.).
she was such a huge part of my life, and it even though she was doing very badly as of yesterday, I still had hope that we could give her meds and take her home so that she could pass here instead of at the vet's office. but that isn't how it happened. I hate that that isn't how it happened. we buried her in my mom's backyard because she loved to be outside and we don't have a backyard with real dirt right now and we'll be moving soon anyway. even though I know it isn't the case, I still feel like I let her down. leaving my mom's house still felt like abandoning her. I already miss her so, so much, and it's going to be very weird to live without her.
annabell, I loved you dearly. I still love you dearly. there is a hole in my heart where you were. you were a cat, but also a friend and a companion and the longest lasting relationship in my life outside of my (human) family members. we watched each other grow up for eighteen years. I will never stop grieving, even when I stop crying for you all the time, because that's how love works. I miss you, my old lady. goodnight.
#animal death /#pet death /#my cat#annabell#if you read all of that god bless you#it was a lot#but I felt like I needed to write a lot#to do her and her life and this grief justice#I miss her so much already
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Normal boy spotted.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen wing#wen remnants#Wen ning#This scene felt like a bit of a fever dream. We have (with little to no comedic exaggeration):#1) WWX whistling and somehow summoning not one but several horses to his side.#2) meeting the surviving Wen sect members who insist on not leaving Wen Ning behind.#Only for it to cut back to Wen Ning ripping a guy in half. (Not pictured here. I tried so hard but I could not make it look good).#Personally I feel like we moved on way too fast from the horse thing. Where did they come from? WWX couldn't have brought them.#He *just* found out there were more people left behind.#So...are the from the Jing sect? Are these disloyal horses? Or does WWX have incredible animal charisma skills?#It feels a bit like a DND player asked to call in some horses and the DM said 'Sure if you roll well enough' and it was a natural 20.#Maybe this is just my own envy cutting through. God damn I wish I could whistle and summon a horse to my side whenever I needed to.#I know I should not be so hung up on the horses. But my brain is cooked. I have been so sick.#The kind of sickness that makes it hard to breathe. Or think. Or have any energy at all.#I wish I had good commentary to write here. I just...really want a nap. And for October to restart to make up for all the lost time.#Thank you all for being so kind and patient once again. It truly means a lot.
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The first time disciple Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu meets Liu Qingge, it is during a Bai Zhan peak raid. And what ends up happening is that Shen Qingqiu gets kicked in the jaw with such force he feels his teeth clack together unpleasantly. And frustrated with his situation, the system, and quite frankly a ton of other little things that have been building up over the course of the last few weeks, he feels something snap in the back of his mind like that of a rubber band after being stretched too far.
What ends up happening is that Shen Qingqiu turns and locks onto the very first figure he can see that is dressed in grey-and-white like a homing missile, and then with the force of a twin-tailed mountain tiger, lunges towards said figure with an equally menacing snarl.
He ends up taking the Bai Zhan peak disciple by utter surprise, and they both collide into the ground in a tangle of angry yelling and limbs. What ends up happening is that Liu Qingge gets the subsequent wind knocked out of him and pinned into the dirt by a Qing Jing peak disciple who is filled with the might and fury of a scholar having their peaceful afternoon interrupted and a once-grown-man re-experiencing puberty.
It is with that might and fury that Liu Qingge meets the wild, frenzied eyes of Shen Qingqiu, with his lips pulled back into a truly ferocious scowl. Shen Qingqiu hisses out, with such force it makes his voice rasp, as if he might as well sink his teeth into Liu Qingge's throat and rip it out; "Get the fuck off my mountain."
Liu Qingge is so shocked by -- well, quite a many things, but most importantly the fact that he has been pinned, and the way the sun is bouncing off this boy's face, -- that his brain needs five seconds to reboot. It's five seconds too long, because by the time he registers what just happened, Shen Yuan has clambered off him and disappeared. Gone and thrown himself into the closest dust cloud scuffling in order to unleash the rest of his fury on the other Bai Zhan Peak kids.
Qing Jing Peak experiences an unfortunate uptick in Bai Zhan disciple visits -- specifically of the Liu Qingge variety. Specifically Liu Qingge, actually. Who very much wants to find the boy that managed to get one over on him and demand a rematch. (Or maybe kiss him.)
#*stares at sy* i still think he deserves to go a little feral. as a treat. like. just a small snapping. not a big one. just a lil one#svsss#scum villain#scum villain self saving system#svsss au#shen qingqiu#liushen#shen yuan#he has a lot of restraint. lets break it! *said in the same tone as that angsty teenager ai voice from sister location*#me: do i call him shen yuan or shen qingqiu??? he is technically sqq but a lot of the disciple aus i see call him shen yuan....#me: fuck it i'm sticking with SQQ. they're both technically the same thing as far as im aware#this idea sprang into my mind like the mulan hun daisies. and i felt the need to write it down. this is so going in my disciple sy fic#shen yuan has a lot of restraint :) what better way to let loose all that pent up aggression than a bai zhan peak raid! he's kinda looking#forward to the next one. that was actually pretty cathartic. :) BZP disciples feel a sudden shiver crawling down their backs#the increase of bai zhan visits qian cao peak gets from bite-related injuries is in no way related to this decision. none at all.#sqq covered in bruises and scrapes: woo! that was actually kinda cathartic. i feel much better now after that. and a little guilty#meanwhile lqg: *going through a gay awakening* i.-- ??? boys? ???? boy? boy. mhm.#sqq usually avoids getting swept into fights during BZP raids. not this time! and now bzp is going to Pay For It Dearly.
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[ID: a digital drawing of riz gukgak from fantasy high. in the front is a relatively small drawing of riz juggling books that are falling out of his hand and a phonecall, and he has a huge backpack on. he looks a bit overwhelmed, hair flying in all directions, and has a nervous smile on. in the background is a large shadow of riz, only one glowing eye and a shining gun visible. the background is red, giving an eerie feel. End ID]
Kill your best friend
Cheat your way to your rogue teacher
Announce your presidential campaign
Don't let them know how angry you are
LEARN TO RECOGNIZE A MONSTER
#riz gukgak#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year spoilers#ik the 'uh oh i fucking miscalculated big time' applies to all the bad kids BUT riz is my little blorbo so#and he was the first to go full brutal in s1 and was likely the one ppl would've seen it coming from the least#i dont need to justify myself i love all their dichotomies. my homicidal blorbos who're on a slippery slide to becoming the villains#as they grow more powerful but still react to threat with a 'no holds barred' approach#wait wait this isn't an analysis post jskdjsdjk art! had a lot of fun with this one#have the funniest 'sketch' for this that i did that was me drawing w my laptop touch pad (? the touchy mouse thing) w notes so i dont forge#the idea back when i didnt have the juices to draw it and was also in the armchair writing fic and didnt want to move stations#im still experiment with colours and now im also figuring out gradients which is super fun! correction layers my beloved <3#also didn't use my usual canvas size and had to keep making it bigger and bigger so its unfortunately compressed#such is life#did some warmup before this for once bcs i felt like working on my no-underdrawing drawing skills#have this beautiful pen brush and a new big (for me) sketchbook so i went to town with some references open#also working on tackling the wretched face angles. why do our faces Do That#anywayyyy the list is from kipperlilly's pov in case it wasn't clear#im looking forward to eventually rewatching s3 and giving her another chance#like i COULD get sick abt her. theres potential there bcs i do love angry annoying women who stick to their shit#im leaving now i simply have to hydrate its been hours#eyestrain tw#sorry for the late tw i work with so many layers of eye protection on my laptop that it took looking at this on my phone to go uh oh
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ive been struggling big time coming up with anything funny to draw that hasnt been done yet so have my rw au art dump
#ive never actually done a dump like this before i usually just keep the doodles to myself. new experience#ive been getting better at drawing rw lizards in a way i like#also doll and beau are there cause i felt like it#i need to change dolls patterns. how do you people just design these#it being finals week has not helped my motivation in the slighest#thinking through the plot in my head some more made me notice some glaring plotholes so ive gotta go fix that probably#or just ignore some of the scenes#this would be a lot easier to figure out if i could write#im so tired but i feel bad not posting here#while looking for which tags i used in my last rwmd posts i discovered i accidentally reblogged something#how did that happen. what#fyi i guess i tend to not reblog things cause i like keeping this blog mostly art#art#murder drones#rain world#too lazy to tag characters figure it out
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Me, Us, and You
Synopsis: You've been used one too many times, and find comfort in the arms of those you love.
Foul Legacy x Reader Pronouns: Gender Neutral (no pronouns mentioned) Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Comfort Warnings: Mentions of being used as an emotional outlet
~ * ~
“Hey… why do people like using me?” Foul Legacy looks up from the chunk of crystal he was batting around, tilting his head curiously. You catch his gaze, inquisitive and concerned, and sigh. “…Sorry. It’s nothing.” He frowns with a quiet trill. Not good- he’s seen this habit before, your way of pushing down your emotions, never speaking a word. Legacy shakes out his fur, rising to his feet and crossing the room before plopping down beside you, chittering in worry. His claws knead against the carpet, nudging and pushing up against you gingerly until you finally huff out a laugh and weakly shove him back. “…You get what I mean." He does. Far too well. He’s seen it happen, from behind a corner as Childe; idly twirling a coin between his fingers, walking up to meet you at your favorite restaurant, or merely happening to pass by on the street.
One, two, three. Then more. The number of times that you’ve been treated as a mere outlet. You’re too kind for your own good, too patient, too understanding. Why can’t you get angry? Why don’t you tell off the people who start using you as an object to vent their emotions to- or at least tell them no? Instead you just smile and nod, offer your advice even when you don’t know what to say since you don’t even know your own feelings and what they mean, but you try so, so hard to lift them up, help them feel strong, better, braver. And they do. They smile again, nod, laugh. Sometimes they take your advice, sometimes they just want someone to agree with them. Whatever the case, they leave lighter, and you leave with a new burden in your arms. It’s fine. You don’t mind carrying it for them, as long as they’re happier- you insist that it makes you happy if they are, too. But inside it still hurts, knowing you only exist when someone needs you to listen. When you need to fulfil a certain role or do something for someone.
They started getting used to it, too. Pulling you into conversations as innocently as a lamb only to pour forth a tidal sea of issues and frustration. They cry and rant and yell and scream and then pat you on the back with a smile with a see you soon and talk to you later. One even paused, looking at your tapping fingers, your focused expression, and told you to write things down. So you could remember them for later, if more things came up- we wouldn’t want you to forget, now would we? A pause, a strained smile, as you fished a notebook and pencil from your bag. It made dread coil in your chest, a heavy weight over your heart. That’s right. You only matter as long as you have use.
There’s a croon, and you blink, shaken from your daze. Foul Legacy stares down at you, crystalline eye wide and anguished. No. No, no, no- he hates that you think of yourself like that, as someone, something to be used. He crawls towards you, cupping your face in his claws and letting out a soft, saddened warble. His wings twitch and flutter, curling in your direction as if he wants nothing more than to cuddle you close and shield you from all the dreadful things in the world, because he does, his instincts scratching at his skull and hissing, biting, gnashing the source of your hurt, trying to vanquish it in battle and make it disappear. Protect. Heal. Love.
Legacy squeezes you a bit tighter, pressing your head against his lavender fluff, grown soft with how much you brush and fawn over it. You think he’s beautiful- you’ve told him before, time and time again. Beautiful, lovely, wonderful- why can’t you see how amazing you are, too? How much you help, how much you matter? Even if anyone else can’t see past their own nose, he knows how much you deserve to be showered with gratitude and affection. His gentle nuzzles shift and crackle lightly, turning to soft skin, scarred hands massaging your arms. Childe presses his forehead to yours, his despair on par with Foul Legacy’s, murmuring frantic words of reassurance filled with tears. Nothing, nothing, nothing. That’s all you ever call your feelings, your wants and needs. You’ve spent so long supporting others that you can’t even remember anything you desire, truly, nothing at all. He caresses your cheek, looking deep into your eyes with an oceanic gaze. Please, tell him something you want. Anything. Please. You shudder, and desperately reach your arms to him. Childe meets you halfway, wrapping you in a firm, tight hug and pressing his face against your shoulder.
He wants to give you everything, yet he knows what you need most is someone you can just exist with, not to help, not to complete a task for them, but just to be in their- his- presence. If you listen to his woes, ever, not even the Archons would be able to stop him from listening to yours, because you deserve it. Friendships go both ways, the world seems to have forgotten. Childe was your friend first, and he’s your friend now, and your love, your Harbinger, your sweet, monstrous Foul Legacy, and he adores you with every fiber of his being. Childe peppers kisses over your face, one hand human, the other armored talons, both him and his Abyssal half comforting you. Yes, they get what you mean. They get what you mean all too well, aching and weeping and watching you suffer again and again, wringing yourself dry for people who toss you away once their problems are solved.
But not with them. Never again with Childe and Legacy, forever by your side. You have no tears left to cry, but they still hush you, gently. Shh, shh… it’s alright. Everything will be okay. Childe sighs as he pulls away, tracing your features with a finger and holding back his own sobs, steadying his voice against his resentment towards the world for your treatment. “Talk to me. Talk to us. Please.” For us, we love you so.
#genshin x reader#childe x reader#tartaglia x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#gi ajax#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#genshin tartagalia#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#foul legacy x reader#sfw#genshin sfw#genshin hurt/comfort#hurt/comfort#genshin comfort#comfort#tartagalia x reader#it's been a while since i've written and this one in particular was not planned#but i've had a lot of emotions recently#the thing about writing stuff down is based off of a true experience#and like in this don't get me wrong i love helping people feel better#but it kinda hurts when you feel like you're only being kept around as a therapist#i just needed some comfort from our favorite silly gingers#i hope other people enjoy as well#kinda happy i was able to write again though felt good#genshin fic
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me: finally accepting theres a good chance im autistic and starting to work up the courage to ask my parents to see if i could get a diagnoses but being scared to
my mom: do you ever think you have adhd? if you want to do a screening for add next time your at the doctors you can
me:
#for context im terrified of being the person who sees stuff online and diagnosis themselves and then is wrong#which is why it took me so long to accept im —probably— autistic (bc now i have done research and stuff for it)#and id see adhd things that were relatable but i felt i related more to the autism + self diagnosing both felt weird (for me not in general#but now like. my mom is willing to accept i might have add??#(there was a long talk in between her asking if i ever thought i had it and her saying i could get a screening where we both agreed that#—if i did have it— i didnt have the hyperactive part. hence the add vs adhd thing)#and now that kinda through off my plans because like. what if i do also had adhd. or something#so yeah small crisis woo#i need to actually look i to symptoms and stuff for adhd though#because im not saying anything til i know more about it and if i actually do have a lot of the things#but this also gives me a chance go write about the autism things as well bc i told my mom i would look into the adhd#so now i can hopefully find a way to bring that up#ive mentioned that autism is a spectrum recently which i didnt think she knew before#so progress i guess#wow long rant in the tags whoops#jasper’s posts#moots have some jaz lore i guess
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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And now onto how Kate interacts with the other proxies... phew! got this out in time for crp day.. Included: Tim, Brian, Toby, Rouge
Before getting into all the others.. Since the proxy Kate spends the most time with is herself I thought it'll be nice to.. have how she treats herself first. After the circumstances of STA she rarely gets time to take care of herself anymore. It's always victim after victim.. She finds herself thinking her body expendable; her empty stomach will heal after eating itself inside out, her broken limbs will always regenerate. Kate just doesn't treat herself very well...
TIM
Tim often takes the leadership role in any relationship and it's no different with the proxies and or specifically Kate.
Especially since she's one of the younger proxies alongside Toby, he feels the need to take care of her.
Kate doesn't think much of it when Tim finds her collapsed somewhere and brings her back to the cabin Brian, Toby, and him live.. She's happy that Tim takes care of her, i.e. gives her some food, tries to get her to shower, as she interprets it as Tim slowly starting to accept being a proxy and therefore starting to see the Slenderman as the savior he is!
She likes it when the proxies are nice to each other too so she savors the pampering she gets from Tim when injured..
BRIAN
Kate and Brian don't really interact much.
Kate only "visits" the cabin when the Slenderman teleports her broken body nearby and Brian mostly stays cooped up in his room until "hunts"
it's hard for them to actually cross paths with each other.
Brian is also a very apathetic being, stuck between his limbo of given life and death, he can't really experience empathy unless it's for someone he truly cares about (see Tim or Toby on the occasion).
He had to quickly pull Toby from falling to the belief that perhaps the Slenderman is good when he spent too much time with Kate and also some other stuff..
They both mainly stay out of each other's way when necessary.
I'm sure there's been a time that Kate accidentally stole his kill, not knowing the other proxies were already on the victim
Brian definitely got pissy because of that..
He had to be dissuaded from being petty by Tim
TOBY
That is his best friend right there. Probably. Hopefully.
Toby immediately latched on when he first met Kate while on a hunt.
She's actually around his age! Do you know how hard it is to find proxies that you could actually relate with that doesn't treat you like a child...!
Tim and Brian do think that she's a bad influence to Toby. He's quick to do anything to please if it means that someone would tolerate him and that doesn't bide well with Kate's admiration of the Slenderman and Rouge.
He also started cannibalizing some victims because of her.. He just thought it was sick and wanted to try.
Kate appreciates his company whenever it's available, but she doesn't actively seek him out.
Kate makes him not feel bad about just wanting to kill sometimes. It's just more power for the Slenderman either way, if he needs to let off some steam on a random person then go for it!
The thing about Kate is that she rarely speaks above a few grunts. She may spit out a few words, but that's usually it.. Toby likes translating what she's thinking (mostly getting it wrong, but the sentiment's there)
ROUGE
Above all, Rouge is the only proxy still integrated into everyday society. (Tim and Brian may go into town, but that isn't often.. Rouge actually has a nice suburban house..)
That makes it hard for Kate to visit.. It's very upsetting for her..
Rouge and Kate are a little co-dependent on each other.
Out of the proxies they're the ones that actually believe the Slenderman does good which is what initially brought them close to each other..
It's very much a peculiar relationship.. Kate has mommy issues while Rouge is still affected by her miscarriage all those years ago.
Their relationship is built on spontaneity I would say plus Rouge herself is already a very brash person..
Rouge is another person that takes care of Kate's wounds and also buys her things to take care of her burns and cleans her and takes care of her haiirr... a lot of things
Kate looks up to Rouge as she's taught her a lot on how to just past the time. Whether that be wood carving (which she in turn taught Toby), hunting, cooking, kissing ah they just like each other a lot..
The only difficult part of their relationship is the fact that the Slenderman has Rouge patrolling the South while Kate's mostly situated in the Midwest..
#hope this is.. good enough.. I realized I didn't really write how she “interacts” with them#i tried not to make rouge's part too long but i felt like i needed to explain a lot augh#p.mail#p.awesome sauce#kate's camera#kate the chaser#kate milens#kate milens hayes#tim wright#masky#brian thomas#hoody#hoodie#ticci toby#toby erin rogers#toby rogers#rouge the proxy#heather marshall#creepypasta#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta headcanons#kate x rouge#a litte of kate x rouge... hehe#i will post more on them later.. and on rouge later too
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alright, friends, it's time for a lil heart-to-heart.
for quite a while now, i've struggled with feeling like the rpc is an actual community. there's a few things that contribute to this feeling, but it mostly comes down to a lack of interaction and visible interest. sometimes i feel very one-sided in my interest and attachment to my mutuals bc when i see their ooc posts or headcanons, i like them or comment, yet this isn't reciprocated by everyone. i can usually guess who i'm about to see in my notifications, and to be absolutely clear, i'm very grateful for those people!! it's a handful or two of you, but it could be just one and i'd be grateful. it's not about numbers whatsoever but rather growing uncomfortable that not all of my mutuals are all that interested in my character or me.
i write on here to share the excitement of creating with other people. i write on here to create together, too, but i'm also here to share characters and ideas and lore with people i know are happy to hear me ramble. i'm just getting to the point in which i'm questioning how many of you are actually happy to listen, and that's just not a good feeling at all. i'm not a mind reader, y'all. if you don't tell or show me that you care about the things i talk about or even about interacting, there's no way for me to know. eventually, i'm going to question why you're following me if i never see or hear from you, and eventually, i'm going to softblock and move on. that's the only way forward i see right now because i just do not feel comfortable on my own blog. i feel like i'm retreating into this quiet bubble to avoid discomfort, and it really sucks. it's killing my muse.
i'm not perfect. none of us are, and we can't be online at all times to catch every little post. but if we're a community, then we should be supporting each other when we can and liking headcanons, liking/commenting on those lil ooc posts that remind us our writing partners are humans with lives outside this site, reblogging their promo posts, sending in that meme they've reblogged even if we're nervous to reach out first -- if we're a roleplaying community, then we need to act like it. " community " implies connection, and a connection doesn't really begin when you follow each other. it begins when you reach out, even if it's in some small way.
tldr: i think we can all do better to support our mutuals and to connect, and i'm going to softblock people rather than continue to feel unsure where i stand with my mutuals. i won't start until sometime next week, and i won't make one of those " like this to remain mutuals " posts. they're not helpful to me, if i'm honest. if you're worried, just reach out. i'm literally a 4'9'' gremlin who sleeps with a m.unchlax plushie -- i promise i'm not scary despite this post uvu
#if i reread this one more time my head will explode asdfg so i'm done and hitting post#i need to stress though i'm very thankful for the people i have connected with in small and big ways <3 it means a lot to me#but i've been told bottling things up isn't a great idea so it's time i was just honest#also i’ve felt like this for a long time#so it’s not the time of year bc i know everyone gets busy during the holidays#i’m just feeling frustrated and tired bc in some instances my efforts do feel one-sided and this hobby is supposed to be an escape#rn it’s not such a great escape for me. i’m trying to be honest so that can change#i’m trying overall to reshape this blog a little in how i run it bc i want us all to have fun and feel seen#that means creating boundaries and being honest and trying new methods so that i don’t get overwhelmed and can actually write and chat#with everyone that i’d like to write and chat with uvu#alright……. i think that’s it after i’ve rambled in the tags asfhjk#i’ll queue this and a bunch of other stuff later when i’ve got time#for now i gotta finish getting ready for work — pls have a lovely day everyone!#get ready to ramble | ooc
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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Sunday Sentences 🧜♂️
Using this (way more than) Seven Sentence Sunday to answer some Mer!Buck asks for anon, @spotsandsocks @underwaterninja13 @daffi-990 @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming 🧜♂️
Follows this snippet
By the time he’s finished his food and paid his bill there’s still plenty of daylight remaining. Plenty of time to find Evan and hopefully enjoy a brief reunion before Eddie has to go. Memories, and the ever present invisible tug, guide him back to the neighborhood near the beach house. Tourist season is over, leaving the streets mostly empty except for a few permanent residents, and homeowners winterizing their properties until the area comes back to life for rentals.
He parks in an hourly lot close to the pier, finally bracing himself for the task of calling Shannon. He could put it off even longer until he’s settled at the end of the pier, waiting for Evan. It feels wrong to mix the two worlds together, though. They’re already dangerously close.
It’s not that he doesn’t want Shannon to know, he plans on telling her, always has, but the timing is never quite right. Between getting to know each other and skipping to the babies and marriage phase, bringing up a childhood friend — who just happens to be a merperson — hasn’t managed to come up. He doesn’t think now is that time either.
With a heavy sigh Eddie dials the number and prepares to lie to his wife. Well, not lie exactly, but it won’t be the whole truth. And he’s going to tell her, so it’s fine. That’s what he keeps telling himself anyway.
“Eddie?! Where the hell are you?”
And, yeah, he deserves that greeting. “I’m, um, I’m in LA actually. Needed to take care of something before Monday.”
There’s a heavy silence before Shannon responds.
“Days before you leave, you suddenly have to take care of ‘something’,” she deadpans. “Care to elaborate?”
The only way out is through at this point, so he pushes on with the closest version of the truth he can give. “I have a friend out here, Evan, and, I don’t know how exactly to explain it, Shan. I’ve known him since we were kids and it’s been a while and I just got this weird feeling that I needed to see him. Listen, I know how weird this probably sounds, but I promise I’ll be back in the morning, and make it up to you and-”
“Eddie.” Shannon interrupts, softer this time. “It’s okay. This can’t- I’m sure it’s not easy for you. I know it’s not for me, and I’m not the one going anywhere.”
“You’re not mad?” He asks lamely.
“No, I’m not mad.” His relief is short-lived. “I’m pissed and we are having a big talk about this when you get back. But at least now I know where you are and that you’re coming home.”
“Baby, I was always-”
“Drive safe. Okay, Eddie?”
He nods, even though she can’t see him. “Yeah, okay. I will. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
tagged by @dangerpronebuddie @bi-buckrights @wikiangela @loveyouanyway @actuallyitsellie
@diazsdimples thank you loves 💞
np tagging (plus Daffi, Spots and Mic!) @jesuisici33 @rmd-writes @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @queerbuckleys
@elvensorceress @bucksbiawakening @giddyupbuck @hoodie-buck @indestructibleheart
@ladydorian05 @lemonzestywrites @monsterrae1 @statueinthestone @slightlyobsessedwitheverything
@the-likesofus @thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @welcometololaland @wildlife4life
@epicbuddieficrecs @a-noble-dragon @tizniz @diazheartsbuckley @weewootruck
@saybiwithme @bidisasterevankinard @shipperqueen6 @ramonaflow @taketheplanspinitsideways
@dangerpronebuddie @theotherbuckley @stereopticons @kitteneddiediaz @your-catfish-friend
@thekristen999 @filet-o-feelings @lizzie-bennetdarcy @rainbow-nerdss @steadfastsaturnsrings
@inell and anyone else who wants to 😘
#i could have had Shannon be bitchy but i felt like they needed some understanding#next comes Eddie’s last visit with Evan before the army#i’m preparing to cry a lot tbh#hippo writes#fic: run to the water (and find me there)#buddie wip#merperson!buck#human!eddie#seven sentence sunday#sunday sentences#make me write
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Hobie1610 pt. 4
after so many months of waiting, the wait... is finally over.
here is the fourth and final part of this little au idea i had brewing in my head for some time now. i hope you guys enjoy?
and thanks so much to everyone leaving encouraging and kind comments on the previous parts as well! really appreciate y'all :)
hope this ending is a satisfying one :)
>pt. 1 here<
>pt. 3 here<
MJ: We’re going to hang tomorrow after my shoot, right?
It was a text that Miles looked at and looked at and looked at all day ever since it arrived into his messages that very morning. It literally came out of nowhere.
But how long ago was it that he and Hobie Jones ran into each other at Central Park? It had to have been like a week ago, he was pretty sure...
He thinks.
“Maybe the guy’s pushy or somethin’, he just really likes you for some reason,” Ganke had offered by way of explanation as they sat together at lunch for the first time in what seemed like forever.
Miles wasn’t entirely sure when he and Ganke ever got to chill like this together in the cafeteria area... but as luck would have had it, Ganke’s mom forgot to send over some money for the week, forcing him to buy from the cheaper menu that the school had to offer rather than ordering off of the many food delivery apps he had on lock in his phone.
They sat a ways away from the hustle and bustle of the main area, near a big window that looked outwards into the typical scene of the congested New York City streets, and Miles would have been perfectly content with this arrangement had it not been for The Text.
He jiggled his leg and rubbed at his jaw in between bites of his own cheap meal-- something he got even though he didn’t really want it, but what was he gonna do, let Ganke wait in line by himself?-- gazing at his cell phone sitting right by his elbow. The text message was gazing right back at him.
“I… dunno. I-- man, I wish I told you more about my patrols so you can remind me how long ago Central Park was. I swear it was only like… last week? Right?”
Ganke chomped on his own slice of pepperoni pizza and shrugged. “I think that was a while ago. Either way, he wants to go on this date with you. So you might as well.”`
Miles groaned. “It’s not a date, Ganks. We’re just… chillin’, hangin’ out a little,” he gestured with his hands, which was not convincing Ganke at all. “Y’know?”
Ganke leaned forward a little bit, glasses slipping down his nose as he grinned mischievously. “Did he figure out it was you, Mi? Is that why you’re so nervous about it?”
“Whaaat are you talking about? No… no, he didn’t! I just. Uh, I saved him from those scary gang members and then I swung him home and that was that. No one else knows but you and my parents, Ganke, promise.” Miles’ smile was even less convincing.
“Miles,” Ganke deadpanned, “have you ever thought about what would happen if some Flickstagram-famous model learns about your thing you got goin’ on? He could be pushing this because he knows already, dude. Or at least he thinks he does. You’re a weird kid after all, and it wouldn't take too long to put two and two together... no offense.”
Miles shoved a fist under his chin and chewed a french fry pensively, trying to come up with an answer that wouldn't give him away.
The thing is, Hobie did know.
Miles still couldn’t shake off the memories of his warm fingertips hooking under his mask and slowly lifting it off of his face, the way his entire visage seemed so positively radiant with that dazzling smile once they met eyes. He remembered Hobie’s wiry arms clutching onto him for dear life as they flew across the stadium towards the exit, the easy banter they had going back and forth after the action finally died down and they were safely heading back to the outer gates of the park.
So Hobie definitely knew. That wasn’t really the problem... although, Ganke might be right. It could be in the future, if Miles didn’t play his cards right.
Hobie is a solid guy no matter what dimension Miles found him in. Even as the Prowler on earth-616, that Hobie Brown was as an upstanding citizen as any crook could be. But flashes of earth-42 kept sparking up right behind his eyes every time doubt popped up about a new player in his life here on earth-1610, and one can never just assume anyways.
And now Miles is sitting at his lunch table with his best friend— who, until now was the only living person on this planet who knew about his secret identity— ruminating on whether or not Ganke might end up being a damn seer after all. Ganke doesn’t know that Hobie knows, but he really just might be right anyhow. That would really be Miles' luck.
Goddamnit.
Is Hobie planning on blackmailing him somehow? His involvement with those thugs stealing a prominent museum’s precious security info seemed a bit off to him, the more he thought about it.
They joked about it many a time over text, but Miles would be lying if he said he hadn’t turned a couple of facts over and over on more than one sleepless night. Hobie mentioned having connections, a camera, and seemed almost too recklessly opportunistic when it came to the chance at nabbing that flash drive...
Doubt was sinking back in. Miles drummed his fingers on the table and shot Ganke a look. “... Whaddya think I should do if he does, then?”
“What, if he finds out?”
“Yeah.”
Ganke shrugs again, popping a pepperoni slice into his mouth and thinking while he chewed. “Web him up to a lamppost,” he said after a bit.
Miles snorted with laughter. “Ganke, be for real right now. You’ve got great coding and social media knowledge, dude. Could you hack his tech if asked you to? Like, just in case?”
Ganke waggled his head, making a show of really, really thinking it through. “Mmmmn, yeah maybe.”
Miles sighs. “What do I have to do?” He asks because he knows his best friend by now.
“Fifty bucks and you also have to do my laundry for a week. What?” Ganke exclaims upon suddenly being on the receiving end of Miles’ glare, “If I get caught, it could mean like federal level charges on my head, dude. Take it up with the law, not me!”
Miles sighs and returns back to his plate of cold fries. “Yeah, yeah. You got a point,”
“But you gotta meet up with him first, figure out what we're dealing with. Just stop putting it off, bro. Avoiding him'll make you look more suspicious. Might as well get it done and over with,”
Miles swallows his fries along with his anxiety, picks up his phone, and starts drafting his answer to Hobie’s sudden proposal.
He doesn't know why there's a pit of dread in his stomach, but he opts to ignore it this time.
He hopes Ganke is wrong.
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The next day, MJ's cell phone vibrates on the portable vanity set up at the studio where his current shoot is taking place.
He’s busy, trying not to get too lost in the flurry of hands prepping him, the flashing of the cameras, the shouts of directions from the camera guy as he hits pose after pose with the props on set.
It’s when he’s changing into his last outfit for the shoot that he finally has some time to sip his water bottle and mindlessly scroll through dozens of notifications, finally coming across the one notif he waited to get the entire day: Miles. His name appeared at the very bottom.
... Meaning he received the message hours ago. Shit.
With his shoot almost over, MJ punched in a quick message and hit send, excitedly returning back to the set and finishing his work day up as quickly as humanly possible.
MJ's absentmindedly agreeing that every picture the director shows him is truly amazing, yes, amazing indeed, all while trying not to vibrate out of his mind-numbingly expensive designer outfit he’s been forced into. The only person he can think about as he dumbly nods along to whatever the crew is saying to him is Miles. Miles, Miles, Miles.
Miles has agreed to finally-- finally, after all of these weeks-- meet up with him and make good on his promise. Of course, MJ's slightly miffed that it had to be him to initiate the lunch date in the end, but whatever.
Closed mouths don’t get fed, after all. And Miles was technically not breaking his promise.
So now MJ is floating back down the hallway to the makeup room, gently pushing past all of the other models and swatting away at his mother’s hands while he makes his way over to his duffle bag.
“MJ, darling. Look at me,” his mother says as she hooks a finger under his chin and examines his makeup. “Do you wanna be wearing this when you go hang out with your little friend today?”
Your little friend, MJ almost scoffs out loud, but manages to school his expression into one of pure professionalism. “Yes, mom. Nothin' wrong with it,” he answers breezily.
She hovers. "I mean, it might make your friend think that... uhm, well. You know, it might give the wrong impression. He'll think you two are on a date! You're not allowed to date."
"Sure, mom. Except he knows I'm a model. The whole city does at this point." His tone drips with teenage attitude.
She lets him go.
Then, he’s unbuttoning his shirt and untying a sparkly scarf doubling as a belt to hold up the comically baggy jeans he was assigned to wear today, impatient to shrug himself out of those clothes and jump into his own so he can finally, finally, finally run down to the little cafe he told Miles to meet him at.
His mother was busy on a tablet typing away at something, chatting with MJ's agent once he found his way over to them, and even when neither of them noticed much about MJ on any other day, it seemed they were paying special attention to the way he was throwing his clothes back on with obvious glee now.
MJ had never smiled this much around them, and they sure took note of it now.
“Heard you’re getting ready to meet with a friend, MJ,” his agent told him once he turned his attention back to his client.
“Yyyep,” MJ answered noncommittally. He threw on a coat and started to reach for his messenger bag, stopping when a hand grabbed his shoulder and squeezed.
“We’re gonna keep in touch with the team, and keep updating you on the status of the shoot, but we gotta make sure you’ve got your phone on, right?” His agent looked him directly in the eye. “It’s great that you’re making friends again, Em, but you have to keep your head in the game.”
Yeah, of course. “Don’t let anything distract you from helping me make money” is what you mean, MJ thought ruefully, blinking back innocently.
He nodded and offered his agent a casual smile. “I mean yeah. He’s just a friend, I’m not gonna let that get in the way of my job. Don’t worry,” he adds, “I got my phone on. Hit me up when something cool happens.”
His agent and his mother exchange glances, but agree to release him anyways.
“I mean, he’s still a kid,” he hears his mother say as he quickly exits the room and finds his way towards the elevators. “I let him have a little fun every once in a while! The real work doesn’t start until he’s older right? Might as well let him have this for now..."
MJ rubs his thumb up and down along the edge of his phone case, feeling the bumps of the volume keys over and over.
He steps into the elevator when the doors slide open. He punches the button for the main lobby and stares down at his messages with Miles.
Yes, he thinks a bit vindictively, the real work doesn’t start until he’s older.
She definitely isn’t wrong about that.
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"You ever think about running away at all?" Hobie asked Miles rather suddenly after they got their usual greetings done and over with.
The cafe Hobie picked was cute, quaint, and very small. A nice little reprieve from the noisy halls of their school and the bustling city streets, since the business didn't seem to have any other patrons at this hour aside from the two boys.
They picked their seats right next to the window and opted to people-watch for a bit as they scrolled through the cafe's stylized menu on their phones. The lighting of the late-afternoon day illuminated Hobie in such gorgeous warm light that Miles was almost suspicious; did he pick this place specifically because the late sun's rays would bounce off of nearby skyscrapers and cast them both in the best mood lighting New York City had to offer? It sure seemed like it.
Hobie leaned back in his seat and gave Miles the most charming smile he's seen on a guy yet, erasing his suspicions from his brain entirely. And... well, anything else as well.
"Uhhh," Miles offered intelligently.
Hobie huffed a laugh in response. "It's okay, I know it's a weird question. Forget I said it."
Miles shook his head. "Wait, no. Sorry, what'd you say again? I'm, uhm. Sorry, I think I'm just a little tired. Kind of out of it,"
Hobie nodded sagely, setting his phone aside for the time being. "Hmm, late night homework, right? Essays maybe?"
They chuckled and grinned at each other cheesily, the knowledge that they shared a big secret between them settling comfortably and cozily like a fat cat curling up near a fireplace. It was nice, kinda. To be in on something that not many other people were, like an inside joke or a long-running bit between old friends.
But then Miles' earlier conversation with Ganke at the school cafeteria floated back up in his mind again and he had to bite his lip to keep from frowning suddenly. He looked down, a bit ashamed.
"Hobie--" he started.
"MJ," Hobie interrupted, chin in his hand now.
Miles looked up. "MJ. Oh, yeah. Right, sorry."
"I don't really like my given name, so no one calls me that. Just call me MJ. Or Em, even. That's what my agent calls me."
"Agent. Geez. So you didn't really answer my question earlier, back when we first met," here, Miles folded his arms on the table in front of him. "How famous are you, really?"
MJ grinned like a mischievous cat, chin still in one hand. "You've been on my Flicksta page this entire time since you found it. How famous do you think I am? Not that hard to do research nowadays, right?"
Miles felt his face heating up. "H-how'd you know about that?"
"You liked a post of mine that I made like... last year, dude. I saw."
Miles silently cursed himself out as he shut his eyes in embarrassment and winced. "Yikes. Alright, I guess you caught me. That was my bad for sure!"
MJ's grin was crooked. "Yeah, I'm... pretty well-known. Not supermodel status yet obviously, but I've been on a couple billboards. Posters, some ads. I'm training to walk some shows. Whatever." He leaned back in his seat again and messed with his sweater's sleeves a little as he spoke. Distantly, Miles noticed how expensive MJ's clothing really looked, how plush the knit of his sweater was, and the tailoring of his coat.
"Whatever," Miles echoed inquisitively. "Do you hate it? Is that why you wanna run away?"
They met eyes.
"I thought I told you to forget that question, Morales," MJ replies coolly. "It was a weird one. I dunno why I even said it,"
Miles, sensing something in the air between them, wondered if he should have changed the subject. Too bad his mouth had a less-than-stellar track record of listening to his brain.
Instead, he opened it and quietly said: "If we're gonna be friends, and if you want me to not web you up to a pole somewhere in Manhattan, I gotta know your deal."
"Mn, my deal," MJ repeated warily.
"Yeah," Miles sighed, already resigning himself to just getting this over and done with already. No time like the present, right? "You mentioned... you mentioned having a camera and connections. And you're just... weird, man. Like, no offense but you being in Central Park when you were that one time? Running away from those gang members who looked like they were gonna strangle you for takin' their flash drive away from 'em? That was super risky. Something's up."
MJ nodded, still looking apprehensive but also like he wanted to give in. "Right, I've got your big secret. Now you wanna have one of mine. Fair, I guess."
Miles shrugged helplessly. "If we're gonna be friends... I mean, it is fair, right?"
MJ glanced around at the empty seats around them, grateful that even the cashier seems to have gone to the back so that they were both totally alone together. Good spot to pick after all, he thought to himself. He kept his voice down just in case anyways.
He licked his lips and leaned his elbows on the table. "Yeah. I get it. It's a big thing you're doing for the city, y'know... doin' what you do. So here it is: I hate being a model."
Miles blinked at him, waiting for more. MJ didn't immediately being speaking again so he made a go on kind of motion with a hand.
MJ laughed a bit, shaking his head. "This is gonna be stupid. It's gonna sound so stupid! God," he rubbed the bridge of his nose with a knuckle and looked outside at a small stream of people walking past, all in a hurry to get on with whatever it was that occupied their lives.
"... About as stupid as some kid from Brooklyn putting on a costume to go out and fight crime?" Miles smiled patiently.
"Well, kinda. It was because of some punk kid from Brooklyn putting on that costume to go fight crime that I finally had the courage to like, go out there and get into my little hobby of breaking and entering, snooping around places I shouldn't, trying to help people..." MJ stopped when he saw the look on his friend's face.
"You...?" Miles started, his lips forming the shape of the words he wanted to say but not quite letting them out into the open just yet.
Did he hear that right?
As if reading his thoughts, MJ nodded. "When you took up the mantle of Spiderman after our first guy died, I took it as a sign. To like... finally just do it, right? I guess all that was left was just taking the leap, y'know what I mean?"
Miles suppressed a shudder as he nodded along, pushing Peter B's lectures out of his mind for the moment.
"I hate being a model," MJ continued, a single loc falling into his determined face, "because I wanna be a journalist. Like... an investigative journalist. But I also like science stuff as well. I guess I dunno what I really wanna be when I'm older. All I know is... I have got to get away from my overbearing mom."
"Or else," Miles finishes for him, tilting his head as if to say remember our conversation at the park?
MJ grimly confirmed it. "Or else," he replied.
Miles blew out a breath and leaned all the way back in his own seat, folding his arms over his chest. "Wow."
"Yeah, heavy stuff. I know," MJ tossed his locs back over his shoulders and glanced up at the posted menu hanging high above the register. The cashier returned from the back, placing several different pastries from a baking tray into the cafe's clean little glass display at the counter.
"Wanna...?" MJ pointed his chin at them, already pushing his chair out to get up.
"Oh, yeah. Food! Duh," Miles answered and got up to follow suit. How could he possibly forget?
The rest of their hangout goes over wonderfully after the grim conversation, all things considered. They opt to chat amicably about surface-level stuff mostly; family dynamics, friends, schoolwork and more about MJ's day job as a model.
"My mom acts like she's my agent most days, too." MJ is recounting this in between sips of his black coffee, long fingers nursing the ceramic cup he was given. "She's the one who got me into these modeling gigs in the first place. She said I had 'the look'... whatever that means. I like bein' behind the camera, though. Not in front of it," he lamented.
Miles spears some lettuce that fell out of his sandwich with the toothpick his side of pickle came with, waving it around as he talks. "Your mom sounds like the type of parent that pushes their kids around a lot. I guess I would know what that's like,"
Sensing a chance to commiserate in their shared dilemma, MJ leans forward a bit and smiles. "Your folks sounded nice when you described them. What's up?"
"I love them, and they sure do love me, but," Miles shakes his head and picks the lettuce off of his toothpick. "I dunno. They want the best for me and... sometimes it feels like nothing else matters but that."
MJ has the lower half of his face carefully hidden behind his mug when he asks: "Have you told them?"
Miles sighed, long and loud. "Yep. Yeah. They know. They do. That was... a very long story but. Anyways, yeah, after all the stuff that went down this spring, I finally had to fess up. No one else knows but you guys, though, I swear."
Miles silently patted himself on the back for managing to completely omit Ganke from the conversation. Can't give up his ace up his sleeve so soon, now can he?
MJ nods sympathetically. "I wasn't kidding, you know. Back when I told you that your secret was safe with me. You've got one of mine, so. No one else but us,"
Miles raises a pinkie over their plates and makes eye contact with him. "Pinkie promise?"
MJ's eyes flash at him.
"Duh. I never break promises," he replies, hooking pinkies together and smiling. "I'm not really in the business of ruining the life of a pretty great hero right now."
"Until it benefits you, you mean," Miles says, really only half-joking.
MJ doesn't take the bait. Instead, he deflects the best way he knows how. "Oh yeah, absolutely. If someone's out there putting a billion-dollar bounty on your head someday, you already know I'm goin' for it. What? It's a billion dollars, dude!"
They laugh together as Miles throws a piece of tomato in his direction and MJ threatens to pour the rest of his coffee onto his lap.
It felt good, felt natural. Their banter was smooth and seamless which Miles thought was a relief because very few people he encountered in life wanted to keep up with his constant sarcasm and nerdy jokes. No one else seemed to share his sense of humor except for MJ, and it made him feel a bit of warmth in his chest.
Even if they only stayed friends, he seemed to be a great companion to have nonetheless. And Miles had Ganke as backup in case anything went wrong between them. It was a daunting thing to come to terms with, the fact that such a cool guy like Hobie M. Jones had the ability to stab him behind his back at any moment's notice, or accidentally let Miles' secret double life as the crime-fighting webslinger out at the most inopportune time.
But... it wouldn't be the first time a friend has double-crossed him.
Miles wasn't stupid. He knew that letting more and more people in on his secret identity was a huge gamble, especially when it came to keeping a secret as big as this was. The risk was too high, the rewards might not even be worth it.
Worst of all, his friends could be legit and then get hurt if they ever found themselves somehow caught in the crosshairs of his other life.
... But Miles didn't want to think about that right now. That was a problem for future him. Right now, they were both too busy being what neither of their own families seemed to want them to be: a pair of carefree kids.
In this moment, MJ didn't have to worry about stifling and busy schedules arranged for him without his consent. He didn't have to worry about itchy fabrics or ill-fitting designer clothes or loud and bright cameras capturing his every move. With Miles, he could finally let loose.
And in this moment, Miles didn't have to worry about crime-fighting (for now), juggling mountains of schoolwork to please his parents, or keeping up appearances so he didn't arouse suspicions as to where he always was when he managed to slip away. With MJ, he could relax a little and enjoy the small things that always escaped his notice as he rushed this way and that, desperately trying to keep up with the chaos of his everyday life. Time seemed to slow down and speed up simultaneously when they were together.
They finished up their meal and exited the cafe, thanking the cashier and pulling on their coats to hopefully battle the frigid winter air of the city. They made their way up and down blocks, past shops and restaurants, weaving in and out of passing crowds on the sidewalk.
As they wandered aimlessly, unable to escape each other's gravitational pull for even one second, they talked some more.
They talked about Miles' art, MJ's secret science experiments in his room and how he fought his mom to get into Visions in the first place, about Miles' parents and his daily workload he usually juggles. They tried talking about Miles' start as Spiderman, but they didn't get too far along that topic before realizing there were only so many code words they could use to say what they wanted to say out loud before devolving into a fit of giggles.
They chatted about their plans after they graduate, how Miles still wants to go to Princeton and how MJ is planning on funding his own college education once he saves up enough money to leave his station in life and go wherever the wind takes him.
Miles seemed a bit sad at the thought that their friendship looked to have an eventual expiration date in the future, but there didn't seem to be anything changing MJ's mind anytime soon. After all, he didn't even know if he was going to keep in touch with Ganke once they stopped being roommates. And they ended up being pretty tight, against all odds.
So as they kept their casual pace through the city, Miles made a mental note to remember and cherish days like these as much as he could. He checked his phone for the time... this blissful moment of normalcy would have to end soon.
"So," Miles said once their long conversation eventually wound down. Their feet had taken them to a nearby subway station, the gum-covered concrete steps already beckoning them both to bid each other adieu.
"So..." MJ glanced at him, stopping them both by the railing and smiling down at his friend.
The day was drawing to a close, the sun had fully set about half an hour ago and they both needed to get out of the streets and back to their regular everyday lives. For Miles, this meant he had to get at least an hour of patrolling in before swinging back to his dorm room and getting started on his studies for their chem test on Monday.
For MJ, it meant returning back to Manhattan and steeling himself in preparation for the eventual lecture he knew he was going to get, about not staying out so late without supervision and how he didn't respond in time to his agent's texts. The usual.
"I hate to say it, but it's lookin' like we might have to say goodbye for now," Miles shrugged, hanging his head for comical effect.
MJ laughed brightly. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you sound like you don't even wanna leave."
"You might be right about that. Wish me luck tonight, I gotta... y'know," Miles leaned casually as he could manage against the railing, shrugging a shoulder.
"Right. Do your extracurriculars,"
Miles groaned. "Yuck. Let's not call it that, please! You sound like my dad. Let's just call it my weird hobby instead."
"Okay, so I guess I gotta let you go to do your weird hobby instead, then."
"Which just so happens to be graffiti, by the way," Miles' lips quirk up mischievously, giving MJ a look as he slowly slides against the railing and places a foot on the first step. "I like to spray paint around the city every now and then... in case anyone wants to know. In case they ask."
MJ bobs his head in response, following Miles' movements. "Ah, right. Spray painting! Super cool. Anyone asks where you are, I got your back, man."
Miles' smile is as dazzling as it is endearing as he places a hand on the metal railing and lowers himself some more, unable to bring himself to cut the invisible rope anchoring him and MJ together, holding them there in that one space as a constant stream of New Yorkers climb up and down the steps beside them.
Thank you New York City, Miles finds himself thinking.
No one glanced in their direction, they were completely surrounded by people, but still alone. The lights of nearby shop signs and street lamps gave MJ a bit of a halo around his hair, and from the angle he was standing at, Miles looked up at it and believed that it made him just glow.
They gazed deeply into each other's eyes, the usual noise of the city falling easily into the background. It was just the two of them.
"... Yeah." Miles says a bit awkwardly, unable to pull away. "Yeah, that sounds... good. Great. Thanks man! You're a real one,"
MJ smiles knowingly above him. "So you might wanna head on down now. Don't wanna keep you from catching your train."
Miles grins back. "Right. My train."
"Go get 'em, Tiger." MJ responds, offering him a little salute with his fingers and finally turning away to disappear into the thick crowds that flowed up and down the city sidewalks like water.
After a little bit, Miles felt like he could breathe normally again.
He descended down.
♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧
Miles' life went right back to normal, with a new element added in.
He still rushed through his days of back-breaking homework and tests, still tried to keep up with the crime-fighting and his family back home who kept pestering him with exclamations about how he was always late to events and get-togethers, especially as the holidays rolled around.
(His mother pulled him aside for a quick little chat on how he needs to get better at communicating where he was so that she and Jeff could make up excuses for him ahead of time)
He still gamed mindlessly with Ganke on most weekends after their school break ended and the students all traveled back to their dorms, he still texted his extra-dimensional friends whenever he was free and had a minute to spare.
But now he made some space for another special person in his life: Hobie M. Jones.
They passed notes back and forth in the classes they shared like a pair of friends back in elementary school (to avoid leaving a trail of evidence on their phones, Miles argued when he brought it up to MJ, who just laughed) and walked each other to their classes whenever they could.
But it was risky business keeping someone like MJ so close, especially if it could arouse suspicion when Spiderman happened to swoop in and save him out of the blue. Both Miles and Spiderman hovering around MJ's vicinity day in and day out could be a possible liability to contend with indeed, so Miles still tried keeping his distance whenever possible.
For what it was worth, MJ seemed to understand. He was also occasionally followed by cameras from online fans in the real world or opportunistic reporters looking to try and pry precious info of a new marketing campaign MJ happened to be a part of, so this kind of life wasn't new to him either.
Thankfully, he agreed it was best to only get together in private.
As the months flew by, exams and assignments came and went, but their friendship only flourished.
Miles found himself admitting some surprising things to MJ on late-night text conversations when he couldn't sleep and needed to hop out of his dorm window to burn some energy. He found himself doodling his friend in his sketchbook often, unable to scrub the images of his flawless modeling photos from his brain.
He found himself... doodling their names together on hastily discarded sticky notes and coming up with illegible graffiti so he can mash their names together on stickers and shamelessly slap them up onto signs, onto walls, onto bathroom stalls and stairwells and notebooks and poles and bus stops and--
Miles startled out of a reverie as he was balancing himself on a random window ledge somewhere in the city, fully suited up, sketchbook in hand as he doodled little hearts around a profile study of MJ. Tucked under the page he was working on was an embarrassing amount of stickers with his and MJ's last names on them.
God. The humiliation he would face if MJ ever got his hands on this book. His mind flashes back to the sheer embarrassment he felt back when Gwen suddenly dropped down into his room from a portal and began to leaf through his old sketchbook, finding one too many drawings of her own face in the pages.
The memories snapped him out of his weird love-induced haze and forced him to shamefully fold over the corner of the page and hide those little hearts.
First, you ran away from him after you figured out he was an MJ, now you're obsessed with him. ¿Quién te puedes entender?
The sound of Miles' conscience was taking the harsh shape of his mother's voice. Not good.
He sighed and shut his sketchbook, shoving it into his backpack that was webbed onto the wall right next to him. Crime never slept, but it did have its ebbs and flows that Miles found himself in tune with as the months went by. This hour on a Thursday evening happened to be one of the slower hours for crime fighting, it seemed.
Regardless, he yanked his bag from its sticky confines and brushed the webs off, straightening himself up from his position and mindlessly checking his phone for any pressing updates.
Finding none, and with nothing much else to do... he sent MJ a quick text.
Miles: Busy rn?
He knocked himself on the forehead for it, knowing he might regret what he was about to propose but... he couldn't get the guy out of his head. He was dreaming about MJ on the regular now, which was never a good sign. Might as well see if he was up to doing any crazy last-minute stunts since the heart seemed to want what it wanted.
The reply came almost immediately after.
MJ: Nope, just surrounded by a pile of annoying hw, why do you ask?
Miles grinned as he typed a quick reply, hit send, and shot a web up to climb to the roof of the building.
Miles: I'm thinking I'm like... about a 15 mins walk away from your place. Wanna hang? I can swing by
He can almost taste the eye roll in MJ's replies, which made him smile beneath his mask.
MJ: You're corny as hell and that's exactly why you're my friend
MJ: Just give me a few to get ready
Miles sends back an affirmative, and tucks his phone right into his bag's side pocket which he then throws over a shoulder. He turns towards the general direction that MJ's penthouse apartment is located, right over the Brooklyn Bridge.
On his way there, he rehearses all of the coolest lines he could think of, not quite hoping to impress his friend or anything, but hoping that maybe MJ won't see him for the weird dork everyone else treats him as. And... to also keep him from suspecting anything or whatever.
They've hung out together countless times before, after their initial meetup. And not once did flawless-fashionable-cool-model MJ make him feel like he was ever uncool or off-putting. Maybe that was why Miles was so infatuated with him, when it came down to it. Still a good idea to play it safe, just in case.
It would have served Miles much better if he gave this friendship an even wider berth, retained his mysterious reputation... but there was something so arresting about MJ's eyes, his mannerisms and gentleness that contrasted so sharply with his quick wit, surprising bravery and intelligence.
Miles can shoot off the wittiest lines on the planet, but at the end of the day, he was still a boy with a crush. Alas.
In the time that he vaulted around NYC as Earth-1610's Spiderman, Miles developed a knack for snappy one-liners that MJ seemed to find endearing. Whenever they were together, they often fell into good-natured jabs and quips at each other, and he was so enamoured by it.
And it seemed like they just... naturally fell into the gravity of each other's orbit often anyways. Miles would look up into a crowd anywhere at Visions and immediately be able to find MJ. Like he developed an MJ-sense alongside his own spidery ones.
Two twin stars locked in orbit, a binary system forever hurtling through space together.
God, he really needed to get it together. That was super cheesy even for him, and he watched Titanic on his laptop damn near a hundred times at this point.
The thought had him yanking on his webs much harder and flying through the late evening air just to burn off the heat that built up in his gut.
He had to quickly remind himself that regardless of whatever happened between them, he promised that he would forever cherish it all. Miles wasn't an idiot, he knew that being Spiderman put a dampener on a lot of his relationships in life. It was a constant tug-of-war between him and his parents, and Ganke often reminds him of how absent he is at school, even when he's present.
Whatever happens between him and MJ in the future is whatever happens. Miles has already made peace with the inevitability of reality, like he so often needed to in this life. No need to get his hopes up.
Sobering up, Spiderman does several somersaults in the air before attaching a web onto the corner of MJ's swanky high-rise located not too far from the bridge. He sticks to the reflective glass and lets gravity do all the work for him as he drops down a few stories, hoping he was just a quick black blur that could be chalked up to just being a bird of some kind in case anyone happened to glance out their windows.
He hasn't been over to MJ's apartment at all, but knows the building from the outside very well thanks to the two friends' prior escapades. MJ's mom was strict according to him, and after sneaking them both out of the window to go to a mall or hang out at a park, swing around the city a bit and then drop MJ off back home, Spiderman was well acquainted with his bedroom window as a result.
He finds it again effortlessly and hangs upside down by a web, slowly lowering himself into view.
MJ's eyes light up immediately upon seeing him. He perks up, gets up from his computer chair to carefully lock the bedroom door and moves right back to his window.
"Well hello there, Spiderman! Glad you could make it." MJ smiles warmly, keeping his voice down. "Sorry, mom and the team are in the living room and I just told her I'm lockin' myself in here to study as hard as I can. Finals coming up and all... but we don't have too much time."
"Which is why you're only stepping out for a bit of air, right? Real quick, I promise." Spiderman replies good-naturedly. "It'll help clear your head."
MJ huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. "Where would I be without you?"
"It's Spiderman's job to help all of the citizens of New York... and you look like you could use it, so,"
MJ slides his window open even wider, already throwing a leg over the sill. "My hero."
Together, they drop down a few stories, just free-falling and enjoying the chill of the late evening for a few seconds, shrouded by the dusk's descent that was already darkening the vast sky above them.
MJ gasps breathlessly when Spiderman shoots out a web and sends them sailing over congested streets filled to the brim with cars and trucks, over tall street lamps and past bright digital billboards advertising all kinds of products.
They zoom past more buildings, arcing gracefully around corners. At one point, MJ dares to loosen a grip on Spiderman's shoulders and splay his fingers out against the wind.
They fly together like birds for a minute more, soaring through the air and then rounding right back on the path they carved into it so Spiderman could deposit his friend right back home.
MJ said they didn't have much time, right? And Miles was satisfied with their short little hangout anyhow. He got his hands on his crush, had him clinging onto his arms and his neck the entire time they were airborne. It was getting late and he had to head back to Visions himself as well.
"Take me up to the roof real quick," MJ pants into his ear. Miles tries very hard not to think too much about that as he wordlessly follows orders and makes a beeline for the roof access.
Together, they land near the edge, overlooking the concrete jungle that was Manhattan, surrounded on all sides by tall buildings that seemed to reach up to heavens, still much taller than MJ's own building.
It was a miracle they weren't seen together, but that might've been because of the glitter and glitz of the city night all around them. New Yorkers never really looked up anyways.
Below them, the traffic and the bustle of the city continued at its usual pace; a constant thrum of vibrations, sounds and lights as they flowed up and down the streets like blood cells traveling through veins.
Both boys leaned their elbows onto the roof's raised edge and peered all around them, enjoying their temporary peace, catching their breath.
"I'm real glad I met you, you know?" MJ says, uncharacteristically sincere. His face was an open door now, but he was still unable to meet Spiderman's eyes.
Miles thought it might be appropriate to keep his mask on for now.
"Man, I only swung us around for like a few minutes. You don't need to confess your love for me, I'll take a thanks as payment. That's all." He joked but still tried to keep the sarcasm light. Didn't want to ruin the moment, after all.
MJ offered a crooked smirk at that, but then sobered up again. "Nah, really, man. I mean it. I'm not sure where I'd be right now if I hadn't transferred over to Visions and literally bumped into you. Crazy how life works like that, huh?"
"Right, especially since you were my biggest fan before that," Miles reminds him. "Serendipity or whatever."
MJ nods slowly. "Serendipity. Yeah... exactly. Sorry. What did you just say?"
Caught off guard, Miles hesitates for a bit. Play dumb, Morales!
"Uhh, what did I just say?"
MJ laughs, punching Miles on the arm before folding his own arms over his chest. "I was a fan of the old Spiderman before you came along. When he died..." he averts his eyes, studying his shoes. "Yeah, that sucked. But then you came along out of the blue... anyways. I just took it as a sign, that's all."
Miles dramatically wilts against the side of the roof. "Daaamnn, bro. I just swung you around the city for a bit! I gave you a free ride, and I don't even get to be your favorite? I see how it is."
MJ bursts out laughing. "Don't worry, Spiderman," he says, holding up his hands placatingly. "You're on your way to replacing him soon enough! Keep giving me those free rides. And uh... thanks," he finishes lamely, raising his hand to shoot his friend a salute. "Yeah. Thanks. For this."
They smile sheepishly at each other for a few seconds and Miles swears he's going to start roasting alive in his suit pretty soon from the way the warmth in his chest was radiating outward towards every limb.
Butterflies were swirling inside of his gut and he swears he can hear the sappy music from a romance movie Miles watched recently playing somewhere near them. Maybe now was the time to... stop avoiding his feelings? Take that leap of faith, right?
He's done it many times before. This time was probably no different than any other time where he's been thrown way out of his comfort zone only to be kinda glad it happened, in retrospect.
He opened his mouth and started to speak at the same time MJ did.
"So, Em--"
"Uh, so--"
They jumped in unison, wide eyes meeting wide lenses. MJ dipped his head.
"Oh, sorry I was--" Miles chuckled, bopping his forehead with a hand. "S-sorry, what were you gonna say?"
He winced at the jarring awkwardness of it all. The sappy music went silent, the mood thoroughly ruined.
"Oh, well, uh--" MJ looked just as flustered as Miles felt. "N-nah, sorry, I was just gonna say that... that it's been a little while now. So I should probably be heading back," he gestured awkwardly over his shoulder towards the side of the building, trailing off.
"Riiiight, right. Yeah, duh. Of course. Just, uh," Miles turns so his back is facing his friend, gesturing at it as if to say hop on. "Lost track of time, I guess. My bad,"
"What were you gonna say?" MJ asks, right next to Miles' ear as always.
Silently, Miles tucks that part of himself away again for later.
He was really 100% willing to risk it all and go for it, just fully display all of that for a measly chance at getting to date the most popular kid at school right now, and one of the coolest people that he's ever met. He would kick himself if he weren't carrying him right there on his back.
What a stupid idea, Miles. Real dumb, even for you.
In a fraction of a second, he stuffs his emotions right back down in him. Time and place. Not the time, not the place, he reasons. They'd just met a few months ago, and they got off on a pretty rocky start. It just wasn't the time to be making such rash decisions. Yeah, that was it.
"Nah, forget it. I think I was just gonna ask if you wanted to come with me and Ganke to our favorite comic shop this weekend, but that's a dumb question--"
MJ suddenly squeezed his hands tighter around Miles' shoulders. "Duh! It's a dumb question because the answer is obviously yes, of course."
"You like comic books!? Since when?" Miles exclaimed in shock.
"I'm beating you as the top student in chem class right now. You are not nerdier than me. Stop playin' with me." MJ grumbles grumpily. He digs his chin vindictively into Miles' shoulder.
Miles' loud bark of laughter echoed off the rooftop as he takes a running leap towards the ledge, hops on it and promptly sends them plummeting several stories down.
MJ's cry echoed around them even louder.
After about a minute or so, MJ's back inside of his room and they're both trying very hard to suppress laughter so hard that their cheeks hurt and they're crying tears.
Thankfully, outside of the bedroom door, MJ's family never heard a thing.
#spiderverse#punkflower#miles morales#hobie brown#it started off angsty and then i had to go and be all sappy about it baaawwww#i reread a lot of this story trying to regain the memories of what exactly i wrote before and man that first chapter sure was a bummer huh#i was like.... maaannnn these boys have to put up with SO MUCH and i need them to just be kids again for my sanity#as a treat#yeah i hope y'all enjoyed and also thanks so much for being so patient with me if you've been waiting for updates OTL#guess how i'm trying to stay sane this winter! i'm writing about wholesome fluffy sappy maybe-but-maybe-not boyfriends i fuckin guess#will they won't they... i think that's how you sum up spidermanxMJ dynamics in four words right?#but yeah i think y'all already know that these 2 are endgame in my heart no matter what#so its not like i'm leaving a devastating cliffhanger or anything lol :p#a lot inspired these two dorks and their fluffy and frustrating relationship and that is: mj and peter in the mcu movies#i felt like they were a p good summation of what a young and closed off mj would be like with a dorky nerd who has a big secret#and also just. miles. and his relationships in the comics in general. gosh he is simply too sweet...#they're two teens still figuring shit out yanno? maybe they'll have their romance in college lol#and andrew garfield and emma stone's relationship was also so cute... idk i just love a lil rivalry going between partners too sue me#i can see a rivalry happening between this spiderman and mj for surrrre#so many options to choose from!!#anyways thx for reading!#mi writing#clown paint
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so I just finished mouthwashing.
what the fuck did I just play.
10/10.
#i cant recommend it to everyone but. i will be playing it again and thinking about it for the foreseeable future#im so serious please dont take this as a whole cloth recommendation there's a lot of rough shit in it#but uh. anyway. i just felt like i needed to say this somewhere. get it out of my system.#mouthwashing#alex writes text posts
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"This is a message to you, who listens. You must trust me, because we are friends. You just don't know it yet. "
(The Road to PARTIZAN 05 : Ech0 & dusk to midnight)
currently halfway through PARTIZAN (making my way towards palisade extremely slowly. see u guys there in a month or two) & this is to date my favourite intro Austin has done. what an great introduction to an extremely cool character
#Partizan#road to partizan#friends at the table#fatt#gur sevraq#ive been wanting to draw something for that intro ever since i first heard it but i didnt. even know who gur sevraq was at that point.#but its been On My Mind#rosa art#im fairly happy with this i had a lot of fun coming up w the composition. it felt like a puzzle bc i knew what i wanted...#the lineless artstyle is something ive been trying out more and it doesnt come easy but it is fun. (so many layers.....)#you can zoom in for details because. ofthe person i am i always have to add little lines everywhere#well i usually write kind of a lot in the tags but ive been drawing for 5 hours nonstop. my brains kind of wiped.#i havent taken my walk yet so. i will now do that#...usually id listen to more partizan but millenium break is. literally not relaxing and i need to chill a bit#might put on the new bluff.#oh one more thing every time i relisten to that intro i do a little ME? gesture i hear that first line. its fun to me#edit: ok i moved the text slightly it was bothering me !#probably noone else will notice.
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Mutual left this tag on one of my Fuuta analyses and yeah...
Part two of "Fuuta’s central theme is invasion of privacy and he has extreme anxiety over being watched, so it's interesting that we get to pick him apart and see all his worst, most private thoughts" :(
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#i didnt want to be annoying with a tag but thank you trinipopkt for the original tag :3#ive never posted something like this so let me know if i need to tag anything#my writing brain may be struggling rn but you can bet im still over here drawing fuuta 😅👍#part one was the lil moodboard on main#this also had slight oc connections (my brain was going brrr having a scientist oc) but once again its general to the audience overall#plus i was really proud of the composition/posing/colors i switched to -- i was excited to share!!#it took me like 80 years to pick a composition/pose that worked asdfsadsg#and i had to redo all my coloring and shading because i wanted a more neutral sterile science look than what i originally had#anyway it wasnt my usual type of drawing so it was a lot of fun to see it come together!#i did the first version and my partner said it was mean (and against procedure) to keep him awake#but then the second version felt equally mean :(((( so in conclusion rip fuuta#he is my little bug and i am going to figure out what makes him tick
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