#but I felt actually googling it would be funnier

[theeretblr]

Do you know if there is a name for feeling like you have no gender? I'm too afraid to google it

I'm not afraid to google it

Yep, Agender! Now go do some more research, there's nothing to be afraid of! Also a reminder that labels do not define who you are, you can use labels to help explain to others how you feel, but you should not feel like you have to put yourself into a box.

[thefisherqueen]

Some notes on Black Peter, the Letters from Watson story I'm now catching up on:

"The first positive sign which he gave me of the direction which his investigation was taking was an extraordinary one. He had gone out before breakfast, and I had sat down to mine, when he strode into the room, his hat upon his head and a huge barbed-headed spear tucked like an umbrella under his arm." Please tell me there's a Granada episode of story. Or at least an illustration

"He chuckled as he poured out the coffee. "If you could have looked into Allardyce's back shop you would have seen a dead pig swung from a hook in the ceiling, and a gentleman in his shirt-sleeves furiously stabbing at it with this weapon. I was that energetic person, and I have satisfied myself that by no exertion of my strength can I transfix the pig with a single blow." Laughing so hard over this. At least it gave Holmes an appetite?

"He was a most daring and successful seal and whale fisher. In 1883 he commanded the steam sealer Sea Unicorn, of Dundee. He had then had several successful voyages in succession, and in the following year, 1884, he retired." Just learnt a lot about the history of whaling. The only way to get rich by whaling and sealing was to be either a captain or an investor. No chance otherwise.

"The man was an intermittent drunkard, and when he had the fit on him he was a perfect fiend. He has been known to drive his wife and his daughter out of doors in the middle of the night, and flog them through the park until the whole village outside the gates was aroused by their screams." Pardon, he did what now??

I love the stories that are like, the person murdered was a dick and nobody cared but we're investigating anyway. Saves the drama.

Harpoon murder! Ok, maybe some drama after all. Good!

"I understand, however, from the inquest that there were some objects which you failed to overlook?” Holmes really is a special kind of rude sassy towards Hopkins

Old ore mines and large wild forests seem like good places for murderers to hide. How did an old sea captain ever end up here? No wonder he felt the need for some larping

"With her was her daughter, a pale, fair-haired girl, whose eyes blazed defiantly at us as she told us that she was glad that her father was dead, and that she blessed the hand which had struck him down." I love this fiesty girl

" Well, well, I can do nothing more. Let us walk in these beautiful woods, Watson, and give a few hours to the birds and the flowers. We shall meet you here later, Hopkins, and see if we can come to closer quarters with the gentleman who has paid this visit in the night.” Holmes sneaking off alone with Watson. How are we supposed to read this, Doyle? Especially because of Watson's lack of comment after. I don't know what would be funnier, Watson and Holmes having a romp between the flowers, or the both of them actually going flower and bird spotting while Hopkins is all going ^_^

"It was a long and melancholy vigil, and yet brought with it something of the thrill which the hunter feels when he lies beside the water pool and waits for the coming of the thirsty beast of prey. What savage creature was it which might steal upon us out of the darkness? Was it a fierce tiger of crime, which could only be taken fighting hard with flashing fang and claw, or would it prove to be some skulking jackal, dangerous only to the weak and unguarded?" Watson what novels have you been reading

What are knickerbockers? *googles* Ok, I love them

“What are you doing here?” “Can I speak confidentially?” “No, certainly not.” Not the answer I expected. Why is this so funny

"Well, Mr. Holmes, I am very much obliged to you and to your friend for coming down to help me. As it turns out your presence was unnecessary, and I would have brought the case to this successful issue without you; but none the less I am very grateful." Hopkins picking up on Holmes' sass, I love it. Yet... poor boy, have you not spoken too soon?

"The young detective was in high spirits at his success. “You really think that your solution must be correct?” asked Holmes. Ooooh! Danger! Hopkins, better get some ointment for that upcoming burn

"a little ribston-pippin of a man" Victorian insults are the best

“Your name?” asked Holmes. “Patrick Cairns.” “Harpooner?” “Yes, sir. Twenty-six voyages.” Of course a harpooner from Black Peter's crew would be the murderer. He was literally captain of a whaling ship. I feel rather stupid

You were so absorbed in young Neligan that you could not spare a thought to Patrick Cairns, the true murderer of Peter Carey.” Same initials. That was a clever detail from Doyle.

"He was a man of such gigantic strength that, even with the handcuffs which Holmes had so deftly fastened upon his wrists, he would have very quickly overpowered my friend had Hopkins and I not rushed to his rescue. Only when I pressed the cold muzzle of the revolver to his temple did he at last understand that resistance was vain." Watson once more to the rescue! I wanted to say that the days of arresting a suspect under threat of a weapon are over. Then I reconsidered. Ehm... pretty sure this is still allowed, even here in europe, especially under cover of 'resisting arrest' and 'suspect is posing threat'. The power cops are allowed to wield is really quite terrifying

"That's all I know, and I say again that if I killed Black Peter the law should give me thanks, for I saved them the price of a hempen rope.” This murderer is pretty funny

“Mr. Holmes,” said Hopkins, “I do not know how to express my gratitude. Even now I do not understand how you attained this result.” “Simply by having the good fortune to get the right clue from the beginning. It is very possible if I had known about this note-book it might have led away my thoughts, as it did yours." That is quite nice and humble of you, Holmes *surprised pickachu face*

"If you want me for the trial, my address and that of Watson will be somewhere in Norway—I'll send particulars later.” The boys are really going on that arctic expedition?! Exciting!

This was a fun story! Still giggling about Hopkin's face when he was once again outdeduced (?) by Holmes. And about the birds and flowers. It's good to be back!

[txxxciii]

headcanons on the main trios names!!!

(note: I know they're not suppose to have names but? it was stuck in my head for a while now)

(note2: cw - brief mentioning of morgan)

Red Guy - John Smith

• in my personal headcanon, the red people are initially very boring creatures who live under the "dystopian-utopia" system, where everyone is quite literally the same, from the voice tone to the mannerisms. and while this means that inside the "tribe" there is basically no discrimination or violence (because there wouldn't be a reason for such acts if everyone were just copies of one another), this also completely removes the individuality of each red being, to the point were every male is named john smith and every female is mary smith.

• but because red guy is the odd one, he would normally not like his own name and instead refer to himself as something more fun and creative. at one point he told yellow and duck his name, but these two couldn't properly remember it (yellow because of the dying batteries and duck because he feels like there's no need to keep in mind such unnecessary detail since "we're a family, who cares?") and eventually yellow just starts calling him "JJ". which red guy doesn't mind, as long as he isn't just "that big one".

Duck - Frederick Du Morganser

• somewhat, I always felt like if this guy would have a name, it would be one of those stupidly long ones that don't even make sense. but I actually put some sense into this one.

• first of all, don't ask me why frederick of all names, because I don't really have a coherent answer for that. I just think he looks like he would be frederick? like... in theory, it's a very noble name, but a very goofy one at the same time, especially since the shorten version of it is fred. imagine duck with a name fred. how fucking humorous.

• the prefix du is here purely because he's a duck. just without the "ck" part.

• as for morganser... now, I wasn't quite sure what kind of surname would fit this guy, but I googled some duck species and found one named merganser. and an image pop up into my mind. I feel like in this version duck would have named morgan after his own surname because of course he would.

• oh and other two don't care that much for his name. it's too many symbols for yellow's brain and red guy just doesn't feel like actually calling him that. they do sometimes mock him by calling him freddie (not fazbear) though.

Yellow Guy - William Dennis Gribbleston

• out of all the fan-made names for yellow guy I feel like dennis is the most fitting (shocking, considering I grew up with the classic fanon names). I don't know why, but when I look at yellow, I could definitely see him as a dennis rather than doi, david or even manny. perhaps it's just because of the fact that this name rhymes with tennis, which makes it ten times funnier and cute, somehow? (god I need fanart of yellow guy playing tennis please)

• william is here NOT for the fnaf reference!!! it's for the nickname, in yellow's case it's billy. billy in general sounds like a very child-like nickname (for me, personally) and I believe it fits! in the contrast with his surname I think it looks quite silly.

• I feel like yellow guy would tell the other two his name, but it would be like.. so briefly mentioned the two would simply miss it. like "yeah and then the guy asked me for my name and- and I said it and he uh.. was like oh uh- nice to see you william dennis and then I was like-" and the entire time neither red guy or duck are even listening at this point. sad.

[accessible-tumbling]

ID 1: A picture of a wall sign that says: Sativa to change the things I can, indica to accept the things I can't.

ID 2: A chat conversation:

blue: red, why the actual fuck do you have this lmaooo red: My aunt bought it for me I felt bad throwing it away green: why would she get YOU that blue: does she think you smoke weed??? red: Huh??? green: 😂 this is ab to be 10X funnier red: Oh my god I just googled it There is no way my aunt knew what that was

ID 3: I thought it was the serenity prayer in Latin im dying rn

ID 4: tags: #investing at 67 notes

so my roommate is completely straight edge like no drugs no alcohol etc and so im sure y’all can imagine my surprise when i saw she brought home this sign

so i immediately inquired

and now you may ask. what the fuck did my roommate think that sign meant? well

anyways i moved the sign so it’s now front and center in our living room and ive been laughing every time i pass it

[leseigneurdesinferieurs]

Random Storytime You Didn’t Want 1: The Time I Wrote A Poem About M*sturbation

Once upon a time I wrote a poem about the urge to m*sturbate. Not sure if censoring is needed but ah why not. Sometimes I try to write something serious with some meaning behind it but sometimes (especially now) I’ll throw in something funnier. However this case was different.

It was one of those days where it felt like nothing was going correctly and honestly I was in a very depressed mood. It wasn’t a positive mindset day and therefore as I would usually do anyways I sat down in the evening coming up with writing ideas and of course writing. Whether it’s poetry or regular prose I find that the evening is really my time where the ideas come so I can write something or carry those ideas into the next day and write while eating my lunch or something. That evening I was trying to write a poem hoping to make myself feel better by venting in verse form but I was sort of mentally constipated in a way. I’m not sure it was writer’s block because I could write something but it just wasn’t clicking. When I write I often write multiple versions and go for whichever clicks as it’s just what works for me and then if I need to improve certain parts or lines or sentences I do. Well it wasn’t clicking that night and before I knew it I got too tired and laid down somewhere and fell asleep.

I say ‘somewhere’ as my recollection of that evening and how I slept it very hazy and blurred which is why I probably ended up waking up confused at what I had written. I am led to believe I first slept on my living room sofa and it took me multiple minutes to wake up which caused me to spring up suddenly and briefly frighten my mother. After that I went upstairs and slept in my usual bed. Now for the actual important part of the story! I woke up feeling refreshed and after waking up grabbed my phone and the first thing that was open was the notes app where I often write. Upon viewing the screen I laid my eyes upon a poem I didn’t recognise but was first greeted by the title… ‘Jerk It’.

At first I told myself I couldn’t have written what I thought the title was suggesting so before even reading it I googled if there were any poems with that title. There were not. At least not that I could find and so I pushed myself to read it and holy… it was a poem about having the urge to m*sturbate and how if we all just did it a bit more the world would be a much happier place so let’s all m*sturbate in unison. Now to quickly defend myself no I was not… doing that and no the poem is not an actual belief I hold. One of the drafts in there I think was poking fun at those videos online of ‘oh guys stare at me in the gym’ but of course dirtily. Is that a word? Maybe. It was nonsensical. Dirty, sexual, vulgar… all of that sort of thing. I told some friends what I had seemingly done (not sharing the poem of course) and just moved on from it. I still joke about it and when people ask ‘what is the wordy thing you’ve written’ I normally answer ‘Jerk It’ and have to explain what it is.

Often I debate with myself about posting it on here or putting it in one of my anthologies which arguably it could be suited to one of the newer ones where I’m trying to be vulgar and controversial but I’m not sure if it’s too much. By many standards I’m sure a lot of the modern generation wouldn’t consider it that bad when it comes to the sexual content but it just felt like a lot especially when you just woke up to find out you wrote it while in some half asleep state. In fact I’m not sure I still have it saved or if it’s fully written and able to be released in a complete state.

On the notes folder or whatever you want it call it there were different drafts and ideas for the poem thrown about. For example there was a version of it that had a chorus and was more of a ballad style poem. One of them involved different situations where it would be inappropriate to ‘Jerk It’ which very well may have been the one with the chorus.

Today however I think the poem did have an influence on me as the idea of writing a poem or poems that aim to shock and be inappropriate is something I’ve been throwing in more for my fictional alter ego in my new anthology. Perhaps one day ‘Jerk It’ will see the light of day once again or perhaps it just goes to show… we all need a healthy amount of sleep.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Sad Girl Novel by Pip Finkemeyer

I don't know why I'm so drawn to covers that feature women who look like they're in some kind of emotional distress (there are a lot of them out there -have a quick Google!). Maybe I feel a kind of kinship with them and feel like they're calling me home! With a title like Sad Girl Novel, I had a good idea of what I'd find inside and I was really excited to see how many of my own feelings and opinions would be validated in this book.

Kim is an Australian living in Berlin but she is drifting through life while trying to finish her own sad girl novel. When she meets a hot, successful, American literary agent named Matthew, she finally feels that he may be able to help her finish and publish her novel and get her life together. Perhaps there might even be a chance of romance too.

Kim becomes obsessed with Matthew and overreacts to every interaction she has with him. I didn't predict the twist regarding this but I'm also not sure it was needed. I didn't really understand the reasons for it and would have liked that to have been explored a bit more. I did enjoy the easy, overdramatic humour that came along with Kim's romantic hopes because sadly, for some of us, that's a real coping strategy for dealing with something as emotionally intense as unrequited love.

The humour is dry and definitely isn't for everyone. I did see this book compared to Monica Heisey's Really Good Actually and while I can see the similarities (a millenial woman realises that life isn't what she'd thought it would be hides behind comedy in order to deal with it), I'd say that Heisey's novel is much funnier. However, comedy isn't something that you can please everyone with, so some readers will undoubtedly enjoy it more than I did.

Naturally, there is a lot of discussion about the regular things that come with being biologically female. Like most women, I could definitely relate to Kim in this. It also talked about the unpredictability of a menstrual cycle and the havoc it can wreak on hormones and emotions. I'm not sure if it talked about it in a way that I haven't read before but of course, it would have been strange to not touch on women's issues in a book like this.

Again, naturally, the book talks about issues that writers face. For Kim, this means keeping her focus and I know that this is something that most, if not all, writers deal with. Kim is also an overachiever and perfectionist with the reality being that she is spread too thin and that nothing is done well. This is really typical of many writers' mindsets, so no doubt several readers who also write will identify with this.

Kim has some really interesting opinions on fertility and getting pregnant and to be honest, they are quite thought-provoking. I hadn't considered that since sperm banks and artificial insemination has become more mainstream that women perhaps have more power over whether they have children or not. I just thought of it as great scientific advancement but it's true. Women no longer need men to have children and that's actually a great triumph for female autonomy and independence.

I really loved the friendship between Kim and her best friend Bel. Their conversations paralleled those that I've had with my girlfriends and their connection felt really authentic. That's perhaps why the 'twist' upset me so much. However, for the most part, Sad Girl Novel does a good job of depicting a loving, genuine female friendship and I have to give it credit for that.

Sad Girl Novel is a cynical, wry take on life as a young, aspiring but unpublished, female writer. There was also some reflection on how a foreigner experiences Berlin, which was another aspect to the book that many readers will find interesting. In general, I feel like the book was perhaps trying too hard to be hilarious and that didn't land for me. There was plenty to relate to as a millennial woman though, so I enjoyed it well enough.

[andguesswhat]

So here's my (very quick) take, Armie, on where this is going. I know you are the better storyteller and would make it much funnier.

*

Colbertorwhoever: My next guest should not be forgotten, as he is a renowned actor who has starred in films such as The Social Network and UNCLE, and gave a wonderful and memorable performance in Call Me by Your Name. Ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between, Mr Armie Hammer.

APPLAUSE, Armie comes in, does the "Hugh Grant - I slept with a prostitute" walk of shame, sits down.

Colbert: Good to see you, man. It's been a while since we've seen you in ... Flesh and Blood. (Audience laughs) Or is that too bad a metaphor to start with?

Army (laughs): No, no, go ahead.

Colbert: Why don't you tell us what happened in the last two years? If I understand correctly, there have been a few things that have attracted ... attention.

Armie: Yeah. We actually have to start much earlier because the things that came out then happened before. So let's start with the pandemic. (to the audience) I don't know if you guys remember what that was like. The beginning. This invisible threat that came upon us and most of us didn't know that feeling. At least I didn't know it.

Colbert: Yeah, it's funny how you almost forget that, how scared you suddenly were, how you felt threatened by something you couldn't really see or comprehend.

Armie: Exactly. And I was one of those who was really hit hard emotionally. I thought the rug was being pulled out from under me, I didn't feel good. Also, I was in that state in an environment that didn't help me feel better. I'm not proud of it, but I let myself go. I drank too much, I did really stupid things with my friends because I thought, well, the world is ending anyway.

In such a state, when I definitely had one or two too many martinis, I wrote a few things in chats that I definitely shouldn't have written there. But when you think the world is going to end anyway... you might not necessarily think of the consequences. Or I didn't.

In any case, I had been talking to my dear friend Timmy, (to the audience) - you may know him?- (the audience is screaming) about his latest project, which was about… yes, we all know now - cannibalism.

And you know what, I found it fascinating. And I know I'm not alone in that. People watch, I don't know, "Hannibal" or something, people make these films because this subject is fascinating to a lot of people.

Colbert: But that doesn't mean you are one.

Armie: No, it doesn't necessarily mean you are one. So it's a fascinating subject. Because it's so scary, so inhuman, so blatant.

And it may be that this is even a more fascinating subject when you are drunk.

And since I'm an actor and hadn't acted for a while because of the pandemic, I thought: what the hell, I'm a cannibal now! And wrote that down in the chat. "I'm a cannibal 100%)

"Really? What does that mean?"

And at the same time I google... what does that actually mean?

Found it and wrote "I want to cut out your heart and eat it".

And it went on like that for quite a while.

I googled all that stuff and with the Martini in my hand, I felt like a bad ass good villain in a James Bond movie.

The audience laughs.

Armie: See? How the hell am I supposed to believe anyone is taking this seriously? Well, let's just say I was stupid, and I can't recommend making jokes like that, even in a pandemic, because the next thing you know you're reading in the paper that you're a real cannibal.

The audience laughs again.

Armie: And I may have gone a bit too far, but not as far as you might think. Most of the chats that were published were manipulated, and if it only affected me, I could even laugh about it. But it doesn't only affect me, it affects my family and my friends. And that's what's really nasty about the whole thing.

Colbert: Why didn't you say anything?

Armie: I did, but you don't stand a chance. If they want to see you go down, they want to see you go down.

It didn't help that I really like eating meat. You know, steaks and all that stuff.

It also didn't help - and I really don't want to complain, but it also didn't help that I'm a white straight man from a rich family.

So I thought, what the hell, let them talk, I can't convince anyone who doesn't want to be convinced.

A lot of people came up to me and asked if they could help me, and I was so grateful that they did, that was the most important thing, but I didn't want them to get involved too. What was the point? I made the mistake, not them. And anyone who tried it was also immediately brought down.

Colbert: The rape allegations have finally been cleared up, I hear.

Armie: Yeah. Finally. Completely... You can't pick your fans. People do crazy stuff for whatever reason. The only reassuring thing, no actually it's anything but reassuring, but there's a certain amount of comfort that I'm not the only one that this happened to. And the support I got from a lot of fans was great. They questioned everything, exposed so many inconsistencies, unbelievable.

That's what everyone should do. Don’t believe anything that is written on the internet. Don't judge people too quickly. Don't think that you know everything and only your opinion is the right one.

It's not so much about me here, it's about thinking about what kind of world we want to live in. Whether this way is really the right way.

Colbert: That's what the new play you're in is about, right?

.....

Aaah, wouldn’t that be nice…

[anothertimdrakestan]

Calling Batboys/YJ Boys "Husband" On Accident Headcanons!

req: So there's a thread on tiktok that the girlfriends accidently call their boyfriends "husbands" How would the batfam and YJ boys react? also i love your writing it's just amazing!

okay i had to google this and it's actually so cute i had to write this :) half are like pranks and half are written as genuine slip ups hopefully it's clear lol

dick grayson

- you'd set up the perfect prank, playing the iphone ringtone sound you "picked up the phone" pretending to talk to your friend while dick was making a bowl of cereal (at 9pm)

- "oh yeah! i'm in gotham now, living with my husband and working towards finishing my degree! it's honestly such a good time! how are you dude?" you paused, letting your "friend" talk, stealing glances at dick who was frozen mid-spoonful, milk from the spoon slipping back into the bowl

- "that's amazing, i'm so proud of you! literally hit me up anytime if you're in gotham! i know the best places in town," you exchanged final words with a literal voice in your head, hanging up and slipping your phone in your pocket

- as you moved to grab a bowl for cereal a hand shot out, pulling you into the embrace of one needy boyfriend

- "hi babe, you gonna let me get some cereal?" you ran your hands through dick's hair, feeling his head tilt up to look you in the eyes "say it again." his tone was deep, like he was wholly focused on you

- "say what again? that i want cereal?" you yawned, loving the way his face contorted. "what you said on the phone, say it again?" one of his arms was wrapped tightly around your waist, the other was tracing little shapes on your back

- "oooh you want me to call you my husband hm?" you winked, watching him visibly take a gulp of air, his grip on you tightening

- "yeah, i like the sound of that," he had the cutest look on his face, all giddy and excited, like just the idea of forever calling you his was all he needed in life- yeah, prank successful for sure

wally west

- "say it again" "no" "pwease?" "fuck off" "you're the one who said it" you just about punched the speedster in the face as he zipped around you aching to hear the word "husband" again after you had the slip up of the century

- "i think this is funnier than you calling me dad, like how did that even come out of your mouth? god i wish i was recording!" wally had about 1000 thoughts a second running through his head but the only thing you felt was embarrassed

- "dude just let it go i slipped up who cares," you tried to shrug it off, but he wasn't letting you go

- suddenly you were carried up against your bedroom wall "you called me your husband, this what you're looking for?" your hands were pinned against the wall in one of his, his face just inches from yours- you could feel his warmth radiated as he perched over you, red hair tousled from all the running he'd been doing

- you couldn't deny this was exactly what you'd been looking for

- you swallowed, hoping to gain any semblance of confidence as you raised your eyes to meet his, "maybe i did, what would you do then?" you whispered, but it was all it took for his lips to come crashing into yours

- after the high of it all you had to tell him the truth, "walls, i'm very excited for all this but you know i accidentally said husband cuz i was listening to corpse husband right?" his hand slapped over his mouth so quick you were sure it had to hurt

- "choke me like you hate me?" he said in a high pitched tone, making you almost fall over laughing as you crumpled into his embrace, slip up or not it was totally worth it in your book

tim drake

- you knew it was ballsy but what's life without a little adventure?

- as you led the Lex Corp associates down into yours and Tim's Wayne Industry testing lab you introduced him to the group

- "and my lovely husband Tim, he's been such a huge help in developing this research even though he's busy running the whole company!"

- a few congratulations were murmured but you were solely focused on the way Tim's eyes bore into your soul, you smiled politely as he shut his dropped jaw, attempting to collect himself

- "mhm yes, as we were- uh- saying, if you look here this research shows that there's a possibility..." tim had sufficiently gathered his wits but as the associates toured your research campus he was at your side immediately

- "you know you can be slyer about wanted me to propose?" he whistled, hand slipping around you waist

- "mhm it was just a slip of the tongue timbers, but now that you mention it that may be the reason it's on my mind," you grinned, loving the way he quite literally wrote "buy ring" in his agenda right there, he was never sly around you, but it was perfect nonetheless

bart allen:

- "okay y/n i'm gonna ask you this but you can't get mad at me okay?" bart pulled you out of your focus on your reading, tilting your head up to find him pacing around the room

- "what's wrong b?" you watched him run his hands through his hair which for him was a pretty big sign of stress

- "did we get married and either i forgot or you didnt tell me?" as he said that he sped over to sit across from you on the couch which you just about fell off out of shock

- "did we WHAT?" you laughed, holding up your ring finger to show it completely ringless

- "well um last night like in the middle of the night you woke up and told me i'm a good husband and like you know i love you but that's a lot and we are so young and i'm not even sure if i can legally get married cuz of the future travel and stuff but if we did that's totally fine and cool and awesome cuz you're awesome but-" you cut him off as you nearly died of laughter

- "sleep talking bart, we aren't married but it's pretty funny i said that last night" you giggled, he quite literally deflated in front of you, letting out the breath he'd clearly been holding in

"okay, so good, good good, cuz like i'm totally down but i'm not even sure how and if we had and i didn't remember that would be soo bad but i'm just glad i have you y'know!" and just like that he was okay again, going back to zipping around central city bringing you various. gifts as you begged him to stop bringing you starbucks drinks and cake pops

- "god i love that boy" was all you could think as you sipped your free delivery, appreciating the sparks on your cheek from everytime he placed a kiss on your face upon his return

damian wayne

- "i'm gonna marry you, you know that beloved?" you and dami had been lounging behind a stage as you both waited for your call time on the stage- damian hated press briefings, more so now that he had taken a more serious role in the public after his father, but they were easier with you

- "i know my love, but let's focus on the talk show ahead? no need to get too rattled?" you rolled your eyes as damian huffed, toying with your ring finger with his own calloused hand

- that's really what did it to you- he had grown the habit as he continually thought about proposals, but little did he know how often you thought about it too... that was until:

- "as my husband so eloquently put, we are beyond excited to open this new attraction in gotham-" you cut yourself short at the gasps in the live audience, you didn't think you'd said anything too outrageous

- the talk show host was quick to jump on your error, "i'm sorry, did you say husband?" you actively felt the color drain from you face

- quietly you felt damian let go of your hand, thank god he was on your left, reaching into his own pocket he slyly slipped a gorgeous gold band on your ring finger, a perfect fit

- with your head spinning you decided you had to lean into it now, "oh wow, we were supposed to get into the news later but yes!" you held up the ring for the host, feigning a smile

- "this is wonderful news! care to tell us anything more?" the host leaned forward, begging for gossip

- damian spoke up quickly, "it was a small and beautiful ceremony, we will do a briefing on it in the near future, but for now i'd love to speak more on the resources being added to Gotham streets," and just like that your mishap was solved, and dami finally found the balls to propose

- the amount of calls you had after the show was painful, but with your now fiancé by your side you knew you'd be fine :)

hope you enjoyed! let me know if you'd want a part two- there's tons of characters i haven't gotten to for this request <3

[basilly]

fake dating quackity headcannons || irl!quackity x reader

. request:  how about completing fake dating series and hcs for fake dating quackity but with little rivals to lovers? really loved the ones you did for karl &wilbur!!

. tysm to this anon- let’s hope its as good as the other two 

. enemies to lovers type beat >:)

. the timestamps and dates on the photos are wrong and irrelevant :D photos are a ref!

. pronouns: they/them

. karl’s! & wilbur’s!

. your little rivalry with Quackity had started quite long ago, as you were both streamers for a while and had similar followings

“Chat says- you should play with y/n? Who tf is that?,,,(he google searches your user) oh- nah chat we don’t need nobody here.”

. that had gotten clipped so fast by your fans and soon there was a small rift between fans and fanbases

. after that, the two of you would often go back and forth on twitter

. once the two of you had gotten in the same among us lobby for a stream, each making it each other’s goal to kill the other as fast as possible

“Ok guys- once quackity turns this corner I will kill him.” *your character slides his head off* “Y/N WTF YOU”RE ACTUALLY DOGWATER”

. however, there were a large amount of fans who thought the two of you oozed sexual tension and shipped you guys

. and you would never admit it, but you thought quackity was really cute, which did not help whenever someone mentioned the ship

chat: “y/n, what do you think about the ship with you and quackity?”

. kinda caught you off-guard, and you pretended to not see it, hoping that no one caught it (rlly failed)

chat: “OMG CLIP THAT! why did they ignore the question? are they dating quackity??”

. soon enough, you and quackity were trending under your ship name, which caused quackity to dm you on twitter

. although you were very grateful for your fans, you had a ton of creepy ones that would make awful sexual comments, so this situation may solve it

. you quickly answer with your idea

. quickly typing out your entire spiel, quackity actually felt bad, and agreed- on one condition

“Okay, I’ll go along with your fake dating and your rules if you admit on stream I’m better and funnier than you”

. you were kinda like -_- but nonetheless you agreed

. the first step the two of you had prepared was to post photos on twitter, in order to first let your fans become less hostile and at least tRy to believe it before going on stream

. you couldn’t go into total ‘honeymoon phase’ or it would’ve arose too much suspicion

. to say you got your fans confused was quite the obvious statement

. however, it wasn’t until your conjoined stream that you had people convinced

“Chat chat chat, today we have a special guest- my s/o, and you may know them from that one clip that went viral way back” “Hi guys!”

. to make it more convincing, you leaned towards quackity, hoping he didn’t try to move away, otherwise chat may not be convinced

. what you didn’t see, as you were focused on the screen, was quackity turning a bit red and flustered

chat: “Wait they look really good together” “I wasn’t convinced before but now i am” “YESS THEYRE SO CUTE”

. thankful that chat was buying it, you relaxed a bit and tried to treat quackity as you would a regular boyfriend

. throughout the stream, chat continued to buy your guys’ front and you noticed less of the creepy fans were making comments

. unknowingly to you, quackity had gotten very nervous and was very fidgety, feeling weird about his reactions right now

. all he wanted to do was hug you and be close to you- weird because he was your enemy

. restricting himself, he focused on the game- or at least tried to

“Come on quackity- scared to lose to your s/o?” “NO! I’LL BEAT YOU RIGHT NOW! WATCH!”

. at one point you had even rested your head on his shoulder, which- you did had to prep yourself a lot and gather the courage

. quackity on the other hand was incredibly flustered but responded with trying to wrap his arm around your shoulder/waist

. chat just went nuts, clipping it, screenshotting, all while the two of you were slightly embarrassed

. the both you were just thinking this is kinda nice

. after stream, the two of you were slightly avoiding one another, scared of your feelings, as they betrayed your usual they’re my enemy relationship

. quackity had even called Karl for advice

“Karl- I’m supposed to hate them but-” “Dude, you like them” “NO- I mean I can’t be they’re just- they’re my enemy, since day one” “So? I mean, anyone could see how much chemistry the two of you have.”

. in your next conjoined stream, it was yet another competition game

“QUACKITY ARE YOU DUMB?” “HEY WAIT NO” “Why are you so close to me? Are you going to kiss me?” (are we about to kiss rn ;))

. at this point, quackity’s feelings had shot through the roof- he moved forward and pressed a fast but soft kiss on your lips, effectively making u combust and the chat to go insane, as well as shocking himself

. you quickly dug your head into his neck to hide and he tried to cover his face

. inside, you were elated and shocked but you couldn’t do much until the stream was over

. quackity had made you so incredibly happy these past few weeks, and even throughout your rivalry, it was exciting and gave you adrenaline

. the kiss was the cherry on top

“The kiss quackity?” “I- uh, maybe i really don’t hate you?” “I don’t hate you either.”

. the two of you were trending once more, but this time you couldn’t be upset at it at all

an: this one took a while but its like 800+ words :D i really liked this one I think tumblr is being a bit wack cuz my notes consistency has been rlly off :/

requests are open!

[lovelywingsart]

//AU// Bruised

-- Karl Heisenberg X OC (AFAB, She/They) --

Trust me, this is NOT what you think. It's actually a cute one that my mom helped the idea for! uwu It does get a tad serious at the end, but it's still supposed to be cute.

And according to my mom, it's entirely possible- which makes it funnier. (She's actually been helping me quite a bit with some basic info on this considering I'm her first child of 3, so she knows her shit XD And she knows how uncomfortable the subject makes me... So all little info is thanks to her and google.)

Also, TRYING to get my writing groove back... so I'm hoping the next few are a bit better... QuQ"

**Remember, check out the Masterlist for more! <3**

-----

*Warnings?: Small stresses, teeny tiny bit of /humorous/ bodily harm(you'll see), a little bit of serious worries near the end

Summary: A little relaxation turns into a grumpy Karl when he finds out the hard way just how much their unborn baby likes his personal space.

Emelia woke to a small clicking noise and footsteps, her eye fluttering open slightly. She could just barely see Heisenberg in the dim light of the room, seeing him shuffle to the side and strip off his jacket and toss it over a chair with her blurry, tired vision.

"... Karl...?" She muttered quietly, only to be met with a soft grunt.

She watched as he made his way over, though instantly scooted over as he proceeded to crawl onto the bed and next to her with an irritated silence only he could give off.

"Long day...?" She asked, and he nodded. She then gave her own nod in understanding with a quiet hum, reaching for his face. She nudged his jaw up to press her nose against his before giving a light, quick kiss. It didn't last long, but was enough for him to at least relax enough to ease against her... Though he would have admitted he wouldn't have minded more.

"Tell me about it." She said simply, her voice still quiet as he pressed his face to her shoulder.

"... Had some... issues with wiring batteries..." he grumbled. "Not to mention that goddamn casting machine breaking every five fucking minutes..."

"I keep telling you, you need a new one..." She joked, and he grumbled.

"I need the parts for it, which I have... But I don't have time. And before you ask, you're not doing it for me." He muttered a response ignoring her pouting grumble. "But I'm more concerned about these batteries. The wiring hasn't been hooking up correctly and the sensors go off the rails if I so much as touch the damn things..."

"Have you tried altering the internal wiring...?"

"Internal, external, even switched the goddamn plugs around." He sighed. "Changed the shape, made them smaller, made them bigger, threaded the wires, tightened the screws, more that I really don't give a damn to think about right now..."

She nodded, reaching to pat his head lightly.

"Rest for now, then, and go back to it later... You've been working enough." She said softly. He simply went quiet and gave a huff, shifting his position against her to lay his head against her stomach. It was something he did more often now, and she admittedly quite enjoyed it.

He didn't move as his body eased into a small, welcome relaxation, his eyelids heavy as she began to run her fingers through his hair. Even he knew he had been working harder lately, and he relished in this 'break' he was more or less forced to have via the frustrations and simple exhaustion. He could have used it earlier on, if he were being honest with himself... But being late was definitely better than never.

He felt small movements under his cheek as she gave a soft hum, letting herself be entirely comfortable.

"Feel better...?" She asked quietly, and he gave a confirming grunt.

"Sure..." he replied quietly, and she smiled.

"I'm taking that as a 'yes'..."

"Take it how you want." He mumbled, shifting his arm slightly around her- only to yank his head away with a surprised yelp as his cheek was kicked hard- almost too hard. Hard enough to send a legitimate pain through his jaw.

Emelia jumped the feeling as well, and froze as he sat up immediately to press his palm over his cheek in genuine pain.

"What-" he started, only to glare at her stomach with a look of pure insult. "What in the fuck was THAT for?!"

She was quiet for a moment before snorting, which slowly turned into small chuckling, and then to full laughter as he grumbled again. His eyes flicked to her face as she covered her mouth quickly in attempts to stop.

"It's not funny, the little bastard kicked me!!" He said defensively, and she only laughed harder.

He gave a huff, and she managed to calm after a moment.

"I-... I don't think they like you laying on me..." she managed between giggles, and he could only glare and rub his jaw.

"Bullshit-" he mumbled, and she smiled.

"I suppose I didn't warn you enough..."

"Warn me about what, getting kicked in the fucking face?!"

She snorted again.

"No, just... how strong they've been recently."

He kept his glare, though it was now more reminiscent of an angry pout. It made her laugh more, even more so as he rubbed his cheek.

"Little asshole..." he grumbled. "Feels like it's gonna fucking bruise..."

Emelia rolled her eye, reaching out for him slightly to beckon him closer.

"Well, let me see it, then..." she said, a smile still on her face as she forced back more laughter.

He only gave a simple huff as the tips of her fingers grazed his jaw, admittedly feeling a small heat in his face as she turned his head. She tilted her own, her thumb brushing against it.

"Perhaps a small bruise... not that you would notice through your hair." She mused, and he rolled his eyes. She chuckled, letting go of his face before patting her stomach lightly as the corner of her own mouth twitched slightly. His attention was instantly drawn to her face, an immediate worry in his eyes.

"Emmy...?"

"It's alright, they're just... active." She said simply, smiling again. But she laid back down with a huff, curling up how she had been. Heisenberg watched her for a moment before frowning.

"Still tired?" He asked quietly, and she nodded.

"The usual..." she replied with a shrug. "I'm more worried about you." She reached out for him again. "You should rest too, and then work on the casting machine. The batteries can wait."

He stared at her before sighing.

"Yeah, sure..." he mumbled, though was slow to join her. His eyes drifted between her belly and her face, noticing the lax way her body rested against the covers and pillows. It was odd for her, even now... He grew more and more worried for her own well being the more she grew, and even his frustration with the batteries and work beforehand was an afterthought as he watched the exhaustion settle in her face from simply moving.

He set his hand on her belly as he got comfortable, taking a breath as she cuddled to him with her arms wrapped around his chest.

"Hey Emmy..." he started, and she gave a questioning hum.

"Yes...?"

Her voice was somewhat muffled from his chest, but neither moved.

"... You would... tell me if anything was wrong with you, right?" He asked quietly. She simply nodded.

"I let you know if I notice anything stranger than usual, yes." She replied. "Right now I'm worried about your face and your stress. Now rest..."

The smile was evident in her voice. He was silent for a moment before nodding, himself.

"... Alright."

[george-mackay-macfine]

Let's Play a game - CH.3

Chapter three of let's play a game, as usual pick your own Jude. I know I have!

Tag list: @neocil @cjand10

If you want to join the LPAG tag list, let me know.

If Jude Hastings thinks he can show up at my family brunch and act like he wasn’t committing an act of war, he sure had another thing coming.

I was going to be the best’ girlfriend’ this man had ever seen. I was going to be such a convincing girlfriend that his parents would be begging him to propose to me by the time I break his heart. I was going to be that girl that all his friends, colleagues and all his family compare his next girlfriend to.

I was going to be the girl who destroyed Jude Hastings for other women.

“Hi.” I smiled at the female officer who sat at the front desk. She looked borderline depressed with her piles of paperwork around her. “I’m here to see Jude Hastings.”

“Name.” She drawled out.

“Darcy Edwards.” I plastered the fakest smile on my face as she picked up her desk phone.

“What is your reasoning to see Officer Hastings?”

“I’m his girlfriend,” I held up the picnic basket by my side as the woman eyes widened. “And I brought him dinner.” I put the basket on the bench and riffled through finding the container of cupcakes I’d baked - Oh yeah, I’d also baked dessert - “Cupcake?” I offered the now open container of sugary sweets to the woman who looked at them like they’d offended her entire family. “There is chocolate and vanilla.” She didn’t speak, just kept looking at me.

“Hastings… There’s a woman here to see you.” She looked me up and down. “Claims she’s your girlfriend.”

“Darcy.” I prompted right as she put the phone down.

“He’ll be out in a few minutes if you sit down.” She mumbled before looking back down at her open file.

I guess that’s a no to the cupcake, then.

I pulled the container back, shoving the lid back on and storing it back inside the basket before walking over to the waiting chairs. I put the basket on one and began to fiddle with my dress.

A long summer maxi dress with sandals was the best accompaniment to this whole dinner scheme of mine. Not only was it workplace appropriate, but it gave off this virginesque vibe which would only help me win over his colleagues.

Hastings would have no clue what was hitting him.

“Darcy?” I turned at the familiar voice. Standing holding the door open was Jason Sato. Hastings partner and one of the many people I’d gone to high school with who didn’t seem to want to leave this damn town. “I didn’t actually believe him when he told me you were here to see him.” He began to laugh.

“What do you mean?” I picked the basket up and walked towards him. “Is Jude coming?” I held the basket up slightly. “I made him dinner.”

“Is it poisoned?”

“What?” I faked as gasp - poisoning it would have been too obvious. “Why would it be poisoned.”

“Because the last time you made food for him, you put laxatives in it.” Oh yeah.

“That was high school, Jason.” I gave a giggle. Sweet and innocent. “Besides, I wouldn’t want to poison my boyfriend; he’s too cute for that.”

“It was only two years ago,”

“Was it?” I tapped the side of my head gently. “Bad memory.”

“So you and Jude finally put it all behind you, huh.”

“Sure did.” I smiled as Jude appeared behind him. “Hi Bunny.” I beamed at him. Relishing in the way, his smile dropped at the use of his new nickname.

“Bunny?” Jason tried to hold in a laugh as I nodded idiotically. “Wow.”

“What you got in there?” Hastings pointed to the basket.

“I made your favourite.” I lifted the basket some more. “Egg salad sandwiches and cupcakes.”

“Egg sandwiches are your favourite food?” Jason raised an eyebrow at Hastings. Absolutely not. He hated egg salad sandwiches.

“Picnic food it is.” Hastings amended.

“Did you want to join us for dinner?” I stepped towards Hastings, who wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me back against him. “I made plenty for everyone.” Jason looked between Hastings and me. “You don’t mind, do you, Bunny?” I looked up at Hastings with a wide smile, the smile only becoming broader as I heard Jason let out a snort of laughter.

“Of course not,” Hastings grimaced, leaning down kissing my cheek.

“I am only saying yes because I want to see more of this.” Hastings grabbed my hand and led me through the police officers towards their break room. I made sure to smile and wave at everyone who looked at us, cementing myself as the polite and sweet girlfriend I was.

“How has your day been?” I asked Hastings as I began to grab all the items out of the picnic table, laying them out in front of the two seated men. “Catch any bad guys today?”

“Not yet.” Hastings grabbed a can of root beer I put down in front of him. “How has your day been, babe?”

“Babe?” I pushed my bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout. “You never call me babe.”

“What does he call you then?” Jason asked mid-bite.

“He usually calls me wifey.”

“You what?” Jason spun to look at Hastings while I struggled to keep the shit-eating grin off my face.

“What can I say? When I see something, I want I go for it.” He picked up one of the sandwiches. When he sat back down correctly, he looked at me again, maintaining eye contact as he began to smile. “But, baby. If you’re happy to let people know I intend to make you my wife, then I’m happy to call you that in public. I just thought you didn’t want people to know.”

A challenge.

“Of course Bunny.” I walked around the table and sat down in his lap. “You know I want nothing more than to win this big heart in here.” I tapped his chest. “If you want everyone to know you intend to marry me, then I’m okay with it if you tell them.” Do it, Darcy. Win this one. “It’d make me happy, actually.” I kissed his lips, fighting off the bile that rose with the action.

“Sato.” A voice bellowed from beyond the break room, giving me a reason to break the bile raising kiss. “Call for you at your desk, line three.” Jason stood up slowly, looking at us as if we were some mutation.

“Right, coming.” He called back to the voice. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” I smiled, watching Jason walk out, the door shutting behind him.

“Is this your feeble attempt at a surprise attack,” Hastings whispered in my ear, his chin resting on my shoulder.

“You mean like yours from this morning?”

“I didn’t think we were playing dirty, Edwards.”

“We weren’t, then you crashed family Sunday brunch.”

“You needed your wallet,”

“Then you shouldn’t have lifted it from my purse.” I turned to look at him. “You started this. I’m finishing it.”

“Oh no, this is just the beginning… Wifey.” A twisted smirk covered his lips. “You know that comment I made about no more pranks.”

“Of course,” I remembered everything he said that morning.

“I take that part back.” He nodded towards my outfit. “After this little prank, I think everything is fair game.”

“Prank?” I shook my head. “This is no prank. I wanted to make my big strong man some dinner.” I poked his cheek as I spoke.

“You know I hate eggs.”

“No, I knew eggs give you insane gas,”

“Tamato, tomato.”

“Whoopsies.”

“I’m not eating them.” He looked at the sandwich.

“What’d I miss.” Jason sauntered back in.

“Nothing.” I turned back to him. “Jude was just going to try the sandwiches and tell me what he thought.” I spun around to face Hastings. “Isn’t that right, Bunny.”

“Darcy…”

“It took me a long time to make it all, the sandwiches and the cupcakes.”

“It’s lovely of you, Darcy.”

“Thank you, Julian. If only my boyfriend felt the same way.”

“Try one, man. They’re good.” Julian slid a sandwich over to him. Julian and I both watched as Hastings disgruntledly unwrapped the foil that wrapped the sandwich. Taking half of it, he brought it to his lips.

“Take a big bite! Make sure you get all the flavours.” I clapped my hands together. Honestly, I have never wanted anything more than for this sandwich to react badly with Hastings’s gut. The idea of people thinking he shit himself is nearly funnier than it would be if he actually shit himself.

“Of course.” He muttered, bringing the sandwich to his mouth. To my surprise, he took a massive bite out of it, more than I’d expected him t take. As he chewed, Jason and I watched on. “Wow,” He reached for the root beer, taking a long gulp. “Nice.”

“Try a cupcake now.” I grabbed one of the cupcakes and scooped the icing off with my finger. I was bringing it to my lips before Hastings redirected my finger to his lips. I felt his tongue work around my fingertip, sucking off all the sugary sweet vanilla icing.

“Okay, you two might just be enough to gross me out.” Jason broke us from our moment.

“That was my icing.” I sighed, pulling my finger back. I subtly wiped it on Hastings shirt, thankful that Jason couldn’t see.

“Delicious.” He laughed. “You should try one.” He looked over at Jason.

“Give me your finger, Darcy.” He winked at me.

“Sorry mate, But you’ll need to find your own girl.” His hands wrapped tighter around my waist.

“I should get going.” I unwrapped Hastings arms from around my waist. “I’ve got class tomorrow.”

“I finish in an hour. Why don’t you go to my place.”

“I don’t have clothes, Bunny.” I loved seeing a part of his soul die when I used that nickname, thank you, google.

“Well, go home, and I’ll swing by and get you on the way home.”

“He wants to romance you, Darcy, by the sounds of it.” Jason cackled, unwrapping a cupcake.

“Is that true?”

“Of course it is.” His hand ran down my back, stopping at the swell of my hip. “Romance is my middle name.”

“Now I’m sure your mother told me your middle name was Fredrick.”

“Oft.” Julian hissed. “That’s a sexy name right there.”

“Isn’t it just,” I giggled, throwing my hair over my shoulder. I knew by the look on Hastings’s face he wished I were dead right now, and I knew he could tell by the look on my face that I was loving this more than anything.

Payback is a bitch.

“I better go.” I picked up my purse and walked to the door. “Can you bring those back to me whenever?”

“I’ll bring them by tonight when I come to get you.” Jude stood and walked behind me. “I’ll be back.” He called over his shoulder. “Let’s go.” He swatted my ass, causing me to flinch forward. “Didn’t mind it the other night.” He winked.

“You bloody bastard.” I muttered under my breath as he scooted past me. “I’ll kill you.” I growled as he grabbed my hand, pulling me through the station. “When you get home, I thought we could take a bath together.” I began to rattle. “And maybe I can give you another facial, and we can watch the notebook.” I thundered as we passed by a group of highly masculine-looking officers. “Like we did last week, you seemed to like it. I’ll even use the pink face cream.”

“Jesus.” Hastings hissed, shaking his head. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

“You don’t have to.” I passed him pushing open the same door I’d entered only minutes ago.

“I’m walking you to your car,” He confirmed, holding the door open so I could move through the threshold. “C’mon.” His hand grabbed mine, pulling me along behind him. We passed by the silent woman on the front desk and out into the warming summer air. “You are -“

“Incredible?”

“No.”

“Amazing… Phenomenal… Astounding… bewildering… bewitching…”

“Insane… mad… cretinous.”

“Oh a big boy word.” We’d reached my car by now, but Hastings still wasn’t letting go of my hand. “Can I have my hand back now?”

“I don’t know.” He leant back against the car, pulling me into his chest. “I rather like the way it feels in mine.” His other wrapped around my waist, holding my body tightly to his.

“I think we need to clear some things up.” I tried to pull my hand back from him. “This whole facade thing doesn’t have to happen all the time… only when we’re around people.”

“No, sweetheart.” He nuzzled his nose into the underside of my jaw, breathing deep. “I’m going to make you fall madly in love with me.”

“Whose says I’m gonna let you?”

“Whose says your gonna stop me?” His lips crawled up my jaw before moving across the skin of my cheek towards my lips. He flipped us over, so I was trapped up against the car “Darcy,” When did his voice become so husky, and why is it sending a shiver up my spin. “Whose going to stop me?” Why did the idea of his lips on mine seem so appealing? Why did I feel like I was starving? And without the feeling of his lips against mine, I was going to die. “I don’t think you’re going to stop me, Darcy.”

He was right. I wasn’t going to stop him.

Without a second thought, I pulled his head, so our lips met. His hand let go of mine and ran up, grabbing onto my face, keeping me locked to him. My tongue traced his bottom lip. I wanted more. His lips left mine again, kissing all over the skin on my face.

“Baby.” I grabbed onto his face this time and reattached our lips. My hands wandered the expanse of his body, feeling all the muscles I was reluctant to remind myself about. “Darcy, we need to stop.” I shook my head against his lips, my own going to his neck. His hands left my body completely resting against the car on either side of my head as I kissed his neck. “Believe me, I don’t want to stop this either, but if we don’t - We’re going to end up naked on the street, and I don’t think that’s appropriate for an officer of the law.”

Dammit, he was right.

“Your right.” I pulled away from him, my chest heaving. “I should save shows like that for when people are around.” He let out a chuckle.

“What games do you have planned in that twisted head of yours.” His fingertips tapped my temple gently.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” I pushed his body away from mine, moving so I could open my drivers’ door.

“Well, was your show in there, was that how it was supposed to happen?”

“Let’s just say, it’s not exactly how I planned it - I expected more people wanting cupcakes, I mean they’re cupcakes c’mon - but it’s turning out better than I thought.” I stopped as I was about to step into the car. “You’re going to fall in love with me, Jude Hastings, and then I’m going to break your heart into a million little bits.” Disturbingly he smiled. Not the reaction you really wanted from a man when you tell him you’re not only going to break his heart but also shatter it into a million parts.

“I’m sure you will, Darcy.” He stepped back away from the door. “But I suppose the real question is, will I break yours first.”

“Don’t count on it.” I slipped into the car.

“I’ll see you soon.” He called out as I turned on the ignition. I rolled my window down and stuck my head out.

“You won’t see me if I don’t answer the door.”

“You will.” He winked before turning and walking back down the path we’d walked together moments ago.

As I took off, my mind was consumed by one thing.

Jude Hastings.

Thoughts of him clouded my senses as I drove, and the feeling of his hands on my hips as he pulled me closer to him left chills on my legs.

He was good, but I was going to be better.

[wordsinwinters]

Then Again, Part 26 (Peter Parker x Reader)

Masterlist (with AO3 links)

Total word count: 50,293

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25,

Summary: After an intense argument and a forced-to-share-the-bed situation during their junior year decathlon trip, Peter and the Reader examine their faults and failings. As they attempt to fix their mistakes and improve their friendship, that friendship quickly begins to evolve into something else.

Slow burn fic in which all characters are included and their dynamics explored; multiple character POVs.

Betas: @girl-tips-from-satan and @fanboyswhereare-you

A/N: This isn’t my favorite chapter, but it’s been sitting in my drafts for over a year and I figured if I don’t post it now, I’ll never move on to the next. Additionally, as always, I live for feedback. 😉

Without further ado,

Then Again Part 26:

(Words: 2,825)

The bus ride will probably get boring soon, or at least as long as the girls stay asleep, but even as quiet as it is, it’s almost a perfect morning. Being early (around 6:00, I think?), there’s barely any light except street lamps and car lights, but some of the clouds on the right have caught a pretty bluish purple tinge. It reminds me of that Rainbow Fish book Aunt May used to read to me as a kid. To make it better, the morning air is chilly enough that the driver turned the heaters on low so it’s wrapped-in-a-blanket-while-it-snows warm in here. Although that also might be why, apart from general dirt and old gum, the strongest smell on the bus is salty grease— since the nearest heater is under the seat Flash spilled french fries and chicken nuggets in yesterday. It could be worse, though. I mean, it’s not necessarily a bad smell and the traffic isn’t horrible. It’s not the best, but it could definitely be louder and a lot slower. The field of flowing red tail lights ahead of us is oddly comforting, like a snail-slow pasture of mechanical color. 

All in all, it’s a pretty cozy start for a dreaded five hour bus ride. It’s giving me quiet time to think. So that’s where I’m at. Or should be. I got some stuff organized in my head last night even if I keep getting distracted now. Well, it was more like a couple hours ago, since I wasn’t able to get to sleep for so long after we said goodnight. But anyway, I’m trying to focus. It’s just hard, even with both of them sleeping.

From my and Ned’s spot behind them, watching the girls’ heads gently shake and bump against each other as the bus shudders through potholes is kind of calming. They seem so peaceful from this angle, like two people who’ve never pranked me and Ned to the point we were nearly suspended, or kept us awake and annoyed by asking paradoxical hypothetical questions because they know how Ned and I will argue for days if we don’t agree on an answer, or anything else like that. It’s like finding two mischievous cats sleeping, curled up on a chair. It’s easier to appreciate them when they aren’t causing chaos. But it’s not that hard to appreciate them when they are anyway.

Though Ned and I won’t admit it when they’re fully awake, seeing their heads smack into the seat in front of them each time the bus lurched to a halt at stoplights (during the first ten minutes after they’d fallen asleep) was funnier than it should’ve been. Even knowing then that we wouldn’t mention it later didn’t stop us from exchanging silent laughs when they leaned back up, muttering unintelligible complaints before settling their heads back onto one another. For the last couple stoplights before the highway, at least, we decided to be better friends. We both stood up with one leg on the floor and one knee on our own seat so we could easily hold their foreheads back each time it happened. Again, I wouldn’t admit this out loud, even to Ned, but it’s a little bit funny that Ned was a split second slower than me, so while I kept catching MJ’s head before the stop, he half-smacked Y/N’s forehead, like a really-close-to-the-floor basketball dribble, and made a wincing face each time. A lot of times. But it did stop her from colliding with the seat, and she didn’t wake up or complain. 

As nice as it is with them and almost everyone else sleeping through the dark, quiet first hour of the bus trek back to New York, I am excited for her and MJ to wake up. Whenever that is. I’ve missed them. 

But anyway, I really need to focus. God. I’m not doing a great job of that this morning. Apparently. So I’m focusing now. It’s like Ned said. I need to be honest with myself. 

Okay. 

Alright. 

No distractions. 

I’m going to set myself straight now, before we get back, so I can make a game plan and be more decisive and make less mistakes. Fewer? Yeah, fewer mistakes. She’s told me that half a dozen times this since she read that grammar book last summer. But that’s not important.

If I’m being honest... I think I’ve avoided the real possibility that things could work out between us because it felt too risky. And I make some dumb, impulsive choices. So that’s saying a lot. If she said no, what’s the worst that could happen? May and Ned have been asking me that for months, and it’s been so frustrating. The answer should be obvious. The worst thing wouldn’t be the rejection, it’d be if it made her uncomfortable and she broke off our friendship. Or, even if she stuck around, if our friendship changed and I had to watch her get more and more distant, knowing it was my fault and nothing would ever go back to normal. 

Those were the worst — and, I thought, most probable — possibilities. For months I’ve been certain that if anything changed, everything would, and it’d all go to shit. So I kept dodging it. And dodging her before the trip. But, then, things did change this weekend. Things are changing. We fought, and it was super shitty and awful and a total nightmare fiasco, but we made up. And she seemed almost as relieved as me when we did. Now we even have this pact about spending more time together. I know it’s officially only in the name of friendship, but something’s… different. I feel it, and I think she does too. And it doesn’t seem bad. That’s the craziest part. I mean, she even kissed me last night. On the cheek, but still. “Keep it.” Maybe May’s not ridiculous: she really might feel the same way. 

I’ve been texting her this morning, actually. Aunt May. I had to admit that I’m happy she forced me to do the forehead kiss thing last night. As annoyed as I was that she and Ned ganged up on me like that, I can’t dispute the results. She kissed me! Kind of. (To be fair, she did hit my mouth a little bit even if it was an accident.) At first it made me wonder if she heard any of Ned’s shout-comments before I could turn the t.v. up to cover what he was saying. But I doubt it. Even if she felt the same way, I know her too well to think she wouldn’t freak out more and enough that it’d be noticable. Yeah, no, I’d definitely have been able to tell if she’d heard him saying things like, “Nobody’s saying you have to tell her that you googled the probability of high school sweethearts getting married that time she saved your ass on that Bronte essay, but yeah, Aunt May’s right! Just ask her to come over and either talk to her or do the hair/forehead thing!” Anyway, May’s on board with her coming over a lot this week and next week and giving us some space. So are Ned and MJ. Ned said they agreed on giving us two weeks (starting tomorrow) without them hanging out after school. And who knows, if the dance goes really well, maybe it’ll be normal for us to hang out, just us, without the whole group. Because… well, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself. 

I’ll admit, they’re the best friends I could ever have. All three of them. 

And it’s nice to have them all here now, Ned to my left and the girls in front of us. It’s even nicer to be outside of class or the city or crazy study sessions and have had a short breather from all that (despite the shitshow before we smoothed things over and could enjoy it). To be somewhere chill together. Yesterday and today probably feel even better because the last few days, or even weeks… no— months, if I’m being honest— have had me in a kind of less than happy place. But that’s over now. We’re all here and things are finally good. I just wish the girls would wake up, especially since Ned’s back on his phone. Again. 

Yesterday, everybody hung out for most of the afternoon, but being in the whole decathlon group isn’t the same as just being the four of us. Or two. 

Speaking of two— Ned being away during this next week or two is going to make everything so… unfiltered. New. Without his interference and being able to talk to him as often as normal, it’ll mostly just be her and me. Nobody to distract attention or blame stuff on or help me out when I’m doing something dumb (which is often). Like, for example, last night when I maybe let my excitement get the better of me and I might’ve jumped on the bed and thrown a pillow that accidentally broke the lamp on the nightstand. While I don’t really think writing that “Bill Mr. Harrington” note with the school’s address was Ned’s best idea, it helped me not care too much, enough that I didn’t do something dumber like actually tell Mr. Harrington. It might come back to bite us, though. Still, he was genuinely helpful this morning when Flash showed up too. 

While we were hanging out in the girls’ room waiting for them to finish packing, there was a knock on the door. I figured it was Mr. Harrington about to yell at me and Ned for the broken lamp, so I motioned to Ned to shut up and move closer to the head of the bed we were already sitting on where, courtesy of the wall between the bedroom and bathroom, he wouldn’t be able to see us as long as he stayed by the doorway. MJ gave us an odd glance before she got up to answer it. Her annoyed, “What are you doing here?” didn’t immediately disqualify Mr. Harrington, but the sound of Flash’s voice saying, “I, uh, brought you guys some muffins,” made me tense at the first syllable.

“The free muffins they give us for breakfast?”

MJ’s dripping sarcasm nearly made me laugh even though I couldn’t see her, but Y/N turning from her suitcase and walking over to join them killed it still in my throat. 

“Nope,” he said. “They’re fancy muffins from a bakery a few miles away.”

I wanted to roll my eyes out of my skull.

She may not like him, but that doesn’t mean I was wrong about him being into her. What a dumb way to impress someone. “Fancy muffins.”

“Expensive?” MJ asked. Even without seeing her face, I could tell she was giving him the squint death stare. It’s scary to have to respond to that face if you don’t know what the right answer is.

“Yes, especially with the delivery fee,” he said, sounding prepared for the question, “but they’re from a small local place, not a chain, which I figured you guys would appreciate. Actually, I think you’d like the woman who owns it, she was super grouchy and hard to convince.”

“Convince?”

“They don’t normally deliver at 5 in the morning.”

“Oh, so you thought you could just—”

“What kind did you get?” 

That’s one of the things I like about Y/N. She knows how to manage tempers and when to jump in; she has Flash and MJ down to a science. In that moment, though, I wanted MJ to fire her most confrontational questions at him with no mercy.

“Well, they’re all apology muffins—” I heard MJ scoff. Exactly. She gets it. “But I got blueberry, chocolate, obviously, coffee, cranberry orange, maple, I think that one has chicken in it or something, and banana nut.”

Ned and I turned towards each other with silent smirks at the last one. It’s a dumb joke, but under normal circumstances we’d never resist—

“Cool. Since you’ve brought so many, you can come in.”

Sometimes MJ drives me up the wall. This was one of those times. 

I mentally took back my agreement with her scoff.

The three of them came into the room, and for a couple seconds, Flash didn’t see us. The girls were closer to the window than they were to the wall and the bed Ned and I were sitting on, and he didn’t look behind him. Until MJ pointed us out directly.

“You can give them some too,” she said, her expression bordering on smug. “Apology muffins, right?”

Flash froze for a second. I straightened my back. Neither Ned or I said anything.

“Yeah, yeah,” he nodded. “Of course.”

Surprisingly, he shook his shoulders like a bug just buzzed by his head and walked over, opening a giant rectangle of a box up to us. 

“Take however many you guys want.”

I stared at him, not moving. Nobody flinched. Then I realized he was tapping the side of the box with his thumb. Not in an asshole come on, hurry up way, but in an anxious way. Just as I started to reach toward the box, Y/N asked:

“Why’d you get so many of the coffee ones?”

Flash looked away at just the right second. 

Did I technically cave first by reaching into the box? Yes. But did anyone see? No.

Although, I guess he technically caved by offering us the muffins in the first place. Ha. All the same, I took a blueberry one. 

“They’re my dad’s favorite. I wanted to surprise him, you know? But I can’t even get a hold of.... Um, are your guys’ parents going to pick you up when we get there, or are you actually staying for school?”

“Staying.”

“All of you?” 

He looked around to ask all of us, even me and Ned. We all nodded. When he looked at me, though, his eyes twitched. It’s a face I’ve gotten a lot before. He realized he said parents. 

“You said these are orange cranberry?” Ned asked, pointing. 

Flash nodded. 

“They’re solid, though the banana nut ones are probably the best.”

As I said, under normal circumstances, like if one of the girls had said it, I would’ve laughed right then, but I’m not used to laughing around Flash. Ned, who usually follows that same rule, shook his head and grinned, if a little bit... nervously?

“Hell no!” he said, pretending to be mildly outraged. “I’m not eating banana-bust-a-nut muffins.”

A second surprise: Flash tilted his head and paused, clearly as stunned to be told a joke by Ned as the rest of us were to witness it— and laughed. So did everyone else. It was only for a few seconds, like literally three quick seconds, but for the first time for as long as I can remember, all of us were laughing with Flash. It stopped almost as soon as it started. 

Tension crept back in soon so he left pretty quickly after that with an awkward, “See you guys in a few.” Thank god. 

The girls finished tidying their room and going over the homework that’s due today (which we did last week since we knew we’d never get it done on the trip), before forcing me and Ned into the hallway so Mr. Harrington wouldn’t need to check our room for us and potentially find the broken lamp. 

And then, pretty soon, we ended up on the warm bus, loaded in with everyone else. It seemed like everybody but Ned and I were too quiet and sleepy and squinty to be able to talk much before dozing off or staring blankly out the window or scrolling social media on their phones, the latter two options leading to the first in most cases. At this point, I think Ned, Flash, and I are the only ones still awake. 

I’m going to work at tolerating him. As long as he doesn’t cross any lines with anybody from now on, I won’t bait him either. (Admittedly, I’ve been guilty of that, especially recently.) I mean, his comment about his dad was hard to miss. And even when he said it, it wasn’t a shock. Everyone in our grade at some point has had to listen to Flash’s rambling excuses for his parents ignoring or forgetting to show up for school events. Maybe being a dick is just hereditary for him. Or a family tradition. 

I don’t remember how I got so off track. Where was I before? Oh yeah. Risk. Possibilities. The almost-worst case scenario that turned out not so bad. It’s been a messy weekend with plenty of re-evaluating, but the point is simple: I think I’ve got to give a few new things a try, and I’m excited to have a chance over the next couple weeks.

Next update: God only knows.

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[mevekagvain]

Chapter 93 - Fancy chair, love it.

- So my theory is that Raizel just never learnt how to write in Lukedonian either.

- Tbh the janitor is suspicious. Like how hard was he googling M-21?

Chapter 94 - SUYIIIIIIIIIIII

- Ah geez the first of the racistly depicted characters.

Chapter 96 - Suyi getting mad at the kids for complaining about Hansu is so funny like when she first appears you think she's perhaps a stuck up celebrity or a pushover but it turns out she's just a really sweet friend.

- Suyi being stunned by Rai's looks but not falling for him (same with Yuna) is one of the things I always liked about Noblesse. Like sure in the first meeting they get blushy but I'll just jot that down to the inherent beauty of nobles since I can't relate to it at all.

Chapter 97 - Frankenstein's house always being stocked with so much food because the kids just started coming over daily is hilarious. Even funnier since Frankenstein obviously thinks it's overkill but is the one stocking up anyway.

Chapter 98 - Regis and Seira 🥺 Seira's og outfit was the best one she had like it only goes downhill from here folks.

Chapter 99 - It would have been so funny if Frankenstein went "they must be cosplayers" instead of realising the two were nobles.

- Regis taking all the initiative shows how it's his roadtrip coming of age journey which is pretty clever. Also Seira's just like that but still.

- Shinwoo stop exercising in class bro. Do not flex on the rest of us this is so rude 😭😭😭

- Regis confidently saying he's a noble in class to humans he doesn't plan on mind controlling... Baby boy why are you so dumb? How is this hiding your identity??? And Seira just lets him,,, good for her.

Chapter 100 - Ah yes their elegance boner at seeing Raizel... nobles are so fucking weird.

- M-21 thinking he won't get any information because of his time at the Union and thus being surprised at how open Frankenstein is is actually really sweet. Like yeah I still think Frankenstein is an unethical and questionable person but he is kind to most humans (werewolves and nobles can go fuck themselves I guess lmao).

Chapter 101 - The second hand embarrassment I felt when M-21 called the two noblesse... how do I even consume content?

- Yeah 100% most union members don't know the difference between nobles and vampires. I bet they'd classify jiangshi as either mutants or werewolves. Or to be more specific, that would be the classification given to low leveled members. On one hand I think it's dumb that the Union gives members twisted information because how would they even use it? But on the other hand it makes sense since it prevents said members from seeking nobles for help. After all, if they believe even the 'noblesse' are vampires that drink blood, than obviously they won't see them as possible escape routes.

- 'Noblesse only applies to one person'. Yeah because Rai's brother is fucking dead. And so is whoever was his predecessor/parent.

Chapter 102 - Those bullies got backup so fucking fast like Shinwoo literally just asked Regis and Seira if they were okay then boom! They're back.

Chapter 103- Regis going ??? essentially when Shinwoo tells him to take care of Seira is so funny like yes ofc he's confused she's literally a clan leader + noble females aren't physically weaker + noble women work out just like the men.

- Rude, Regis. You can't just ask someone why they're mingling among humans. You're doing that too. Who doesn't mingle among humans smh. Even cats and pigeons mingle with us.

Chapter 105 - Love how everyone else in the household is so sick of ramyeon like Raizel stop please you're being selfish.

Chapter 106 - Frankenstein is the definition of the 'right in front of my salad?' meme at Regis and M-21 arguing at the dinner table. Then there's Seira and Raizel just waiting for the noodles to get soggy so he can't even eat. Wish Urokai could see him getting tortured like this.

- The soldier rejecting backup because he knows the enemy is the Union hurts my heart. Wanting to prevent casualties... iwi

Chapter 107 - Shark how tf do you not know about South Korea? That's one of the asian countries people actually know about. I guess maybe it's because this is from around a decade back? K-pop is more recent and made the country more visible I guess.

- Ah yes Takeo. Forever known as "the first time I read Noblesse and he appeared I thought he was Marie's sister since they had the same hairstyle". Like I thought that before even learning about the Aris Taivra fiasco. My power 😔

- Oh don't worry M-21, Frankenstein stopped experimenting on people 830 years ago. You know, as one does.

Chapter 108 - Shark has like no general knowledge. Geography? History? Tf is that I guess.

- Tao saying they're the worst possible people for the job is so funny like yeah he's right. "All we do is massacre people in warzones why are we in Seoul?"

- The rest of the squad complain or are confused about the peace meanwhile Takeo is vibing. He's the normal guy TM of the group.

- Ah yes noble lore. If you take canon at face value than the fact that nobles were around when humans first emerged and there being about 2-3 clan leaders before the current generation means you can estimate their lifespan. Ofc it differs wildly depending on how you interpret the 'first humans' part. I'll assume there were 3 generations before the current generation (mvp lord being the third generation) and won't be adding the current generation since a 0.5-2k years is kinda meaningless. I'll also be assuming that mvp lord entered eternal sleep at around the same age as his predecessors and that he would have died soon from old age anyway (since canonically they do have limited lifespans). If we assume it's just the first human ancestors (7 million years ago) than the average pureblood lifespan is 2.33 million years. If we assume it's when homo sapiens started to emerge (300k years ago) than it's 100k years. If it's about modern humans (130k years ago) than it's 43.3k years. Regardless I'll ignore it since my hcs are that nobles are effectively immortal unless killed and that the 2-3 clan leaders is a misconception due to a mix of Gechutel just straight up lying, because there are clans that have had fewer clan leaders, because I have nobles settling on Lukedonia only 30k years ago, and because Gechutel is factoring in his own age of 10.2k so it's more like 'There have been 2-3 Ru clan leaders before the Ru clan leader 10k years ago since after we settled in Lukedonia'. There's also the possibility that nobles didn't have lords or clan leaders until a few thousand years ago in canon but the species has existed for much longer.

- 'Nobles are individualistic... They don't despise humans but don't love them either.' Humans w/ ants. Now if the ants were capable of speaking with us it'd be exactly the same situation.

Chapter 109 - "What were they researching here?" Since when does the Union research anything aside from human modifications Kranz? Why do you even need to ask? More seriously this means that the Union doesn't actually only do human experimentation and weapons lmao. The other shit just isn't relevant I guess. It's a shame, I'd have loved to see how a lab focused on like, fixing up polluted waters, would be fit into the story.

- The fact that Tao beat Jake up is never mentioned enough. Also confirms that Jake was lying out of his ass about being the strongest.

- Marie being the weakest assassination squad member is interesting like I know why Crombel doesn't need bodyguards as the reader but you'd think the Union would be suspicious of him not having a stronger bodyguard. Also I still can't believe the Union doesn't bother learning who the members are aside from the ones Crombel tells them about like. Bro???

- Shark calling Takeo uptight is hilarious because the guy literally just shot the falling ceiling light which is the opposite of uptight. Either he was preventing them from getting hurt/being caught or he wanted that to happen considering the fact that he shot it and it shattered. And then he just goes back to leaning against the wall. Takeo please 🤣

Chapter 110 - And Shinwoo's still staying over at Ikhans place. Wonder when he's gonna move back. I really love their dynamic like yeah I beg my sister to get me food all the time too. Also love the apron and skeleton hoodie.

- Shinwoo went through the five stages of grief pretty quick huh? Like yeah it's his own misunderstanding that Ikhan is dating someone but still. Homophobia is annoying as always though.

Chapter 111 - Suyi paying for their food is so sweet of her and also I relate so much like yeah mood that's me and no I don't want to be paid back.

- Takeo,,, the fact that he just hands his wallet over because he doesn't like violence and doesn't want to beat them up,,, my heart. Otoh... how did he even get cornered in an dark shady alleyway lmao.

- Aris managing to make herself look like a teenager as Taivra is interesting since Takeo says he wants her to be able to go to school like Yuna and Shinwoo when he's treating them. I guess she looks younger without makeup.

- Takeo just straight up pointing his gun at Shark in public because he mentioned Taivra... anger issues much? I understand why but taking your gun out is an overreaction.

[piduai]

this has been on my mind for a while, i feel like at this point women mangaka are generally just better people than their male peers. id love to hear some manga ud recommend by women, or even counterpoints, but series like Dungeon Meshi and Full Metal Alchemist (among others) handle almost every concept way better and with more tact, from writing complex stories and compelling characters, to treating women like people and not literal naked rubber dolls colored in and posed like p*rn

you are so correct and right and speak the truth. female mangaka are superior. the only thing i’d say women don’t do inherently better is technical skill, there’s a ton of men who are very artistically talented, but arts such as drawing and music are sexless because they come from within and aren’t influenced by external factors such as upbringing and culture like storytelling is. everything else though is done better by women.

the problem with female mangaka is that they’re gatekept in the industry big time. if you google ‘top selling manga of all time’ and go to the wikipedia page, there’s only one woman (kimetsu no yaiba) and she’s hiding behind a male pen name just like arakawa hiromi did when fma was publishing. neither of these are a coincidence. women are generally discouraged from pursuing writing, and if they do so they’re supposed to be kept to female-catering genres such as shoujo, josei and BL, which are all much less mainstream, aka much less known and much less money making, than shounen. women having to go behind male-sounding pen names just so men don’t feel emasculated when consuming their stories has been a thing since forever across many different cultures. misogyny is universal.

however since i personally am more into grittier stuff and i love gratuitous violence and other Mature Themes i just naturally gravitate more towards manime with all its faults. my favorite genre overall is comedy though and women ARE much funnier and wittier and more clever. female mangaka also typically avoid drawing gore, which i guess is cultural but a shame.

i’m not a manga person, i prefer watching anime, so i compiled a list of my favorite anime based on manga written by women a while ago. i am VERY picky and nitpicky and very, very difficult to please so keep in mind that the list is not comprehensive in the slightest, it’s just things that i personally liked. there’s tons of non-shoujo stuff written by women that generally have a good reputation (ao no exorcist, gangsta, kuroshitsuji, noragami, d gray man, magi, xxxholic etc etc etc) that didn’t stand out to me at all so again, short as it may be the list isn’t comprehensive in the slightest, i’m sure that people who are more easily entertained than me could come up with much more names. anyway everything else is copy-pasted, i know you know of fmab but it needs to be included because fmab is my favorite series of all times:

anime based on manga created by female writers that is in fact not heterosexual shoujo/BL garbage and i liked (bc i saw a post talking about female mangakas and all of the examples were in fact heterosexual shoujo/BL garbage that i unfortunately do not like and my anime opinions are super important obviously):

fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood (adventure/action) any comments on why fmab is the best product the anime industry has ever put on the market that will not be outranked ever is tired at this point. fmab is a masterpiece through and through. most of the cast including the mcs is male tho, which is sad

saraiya goyou (historical/drama) if fmab didn’t exist it would have been the best title out there. the word masterpiece was invented solely to have a concept to describe it. the ost makes up about 40% of its greatness and was also written by a woman. too bad all the characters are also dudes

acca: 13ku kansatsuka (drama/political) not quite as good as saraiya goyou but from ono natsume as well. pleasant is the word to describe it. relaxing. most of the cast is male.

dorohedoro (horror/gore/comedy) the best title since like 2006. everything about it is great. i don’t have a single criticism and that’s rare. the cast is actually balanced and the Female Characters™ all 3 of them are like, written like people and are also queens

hachimitsu to clover (slice of life) saddest shit i’ve seen in my whole life in a colorful packaging. heterosexual as hell but not in an obnoxious way. cast seems diverse but it’s predominantly male

3gatsu no lion (drama) from the same great umino chica who is a master at writing uncomfortable truths and playing on emotions. she’s great truly, her character crafting is genuine but it gets under your skin, it’s filled with melancholy. 3gatsu is actually better than hachimitsu to clover but 1) i have history with the former so i like it better and 2) it was produced by shaft which is a sin in itself. they did a great job and all, i just hate the studio. has 3 speaking female characters in total but all 3 are great.

hoozuki no reitetsu (comedy) it’s hilarious it’s fresh it’s pretty it’s original it’s creative it’s clever. i love everything about it. the whole cast is male with like 2 exceptions and a rabbit (best girl).

saiunkoku monogatari (historical) i know it LOOKS like heterosexual shoujo garbage but it in fact isn’t. fits the reverse harem trope solely because everyone is in love with mc, but there’s next to no actual romance in it. unironically a feminist power fantasy. i’m still shooketh at how incredibly pleasant it turned out to be. the mc is a young girl but the rest of the cast is almost exclusively male.

arakawa under the bridge (comedy) surprisingly… by shaft again. maybe i am prejudiced. anyway, hilarious to a fault. is technically centered around a str8 romance but it’s not too invasive so whatever. cast is pretty balanced and the women are written smartly.

saint oniisan (comedy) THE funniest thing i’ve ever watched, or nearly. it’s just great. same author as above. cast exclusively male

doukyuusei (gay romance) which i refuse to categorize as BL simply because it’s not BL. it’s a good gay story, arguably the best one yet. cast is exclusively male but i mean lmao

gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun (comedy) straight to A FAULT but funny nevertheless. is, technically, heterosexual shoujo garbage. but SOME heterosexual shoujo garbage can stay i guess. cast is balanced, there’s still more male characters tho

gokusen (comedy/action) which i don’t remember much about except kumiko being best girl and me liking it. if i remember liking it it means it was good overall just not memorable. cast is exclusively male except mc.

kaleido star (sports) which is the ONLY good, or like decent, or like watchable sports anime, the rest don’t exist. not based on a manga but the writer is a woman which is strongly felt through and through. good story about perseverance and will and optimism and competition. cast is predominantly female and all of them are wonderfully written

michiko to hatchin (adventure) again no manga but main writer is the woman known for creating the skating BL people pretend isn’t BL. michiko to hatchin is way better than the skating BL, but i’m just a humble girl. tons of sexy sexy i could have lived without but otherwise good shit. cast predominantly female.

mushishi (mystery/fantasy) mushishi is just unique. it has similar vibes to saraiya goyou and natsume sure, but ultimately it’s one of its kind. it has what ghibli wants. again no criticism about it at all except that it’s SO chill that binging it is super tiring. cast is predominantly male but it has few reoccurring characters so who cares.

natsume yuujinchou (mystery/fantasy) again similar to mushishi but less grim. chill story, the definition of wholesome unproblematic etc whatever kids are into these days. cast predominantly male but not memorable in the slightest

petshop of horrors (horror) watched it a million years ago so don’t remember shit but i do remember liking it. cast is probably predominantly male

sakamoto desu ga (comedy) well THE actual funniest thing i’ve ever watched, it licherally had me in tears, i watched the new episodes like 3 times on the days they came out, including watching them on tv in real time at like 3 am or whenever it aired in shinya. just really really funny. cast predominantly male.

[smolbeandrabbles]

Marshmallow World - Anders Harris x Reader (The Land of Steady Habits)

Holiday Fic Time! 🎅🎄

@wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​

GIF CREDIT: X

Author’s Note: I mean this is technically a Christmas movie anyway, right?  😉

Technically we don’t actually mention Christmas at all in this fic, but I mean... it is Festive Season related.

Honestly, this song is another google search for “songs involving Christmas candy” and like... yeah, this! Basically because my prompt from @sagitariusrising​ was ‘Do you really need all that candy?” (To which the answer is always yes, by the way.)

Thank you for requesting 💜💙

Disclaimer: TLoSH zip to do with me / not my gifs / not my lyrics 

Premise: It’s time for the winter markets and annual light switch on in your little town, and you clearly are a homing beacon for sweet things...

Words: 2635

Warnings: sexual innuendo / sexual connotations / it’s clearly a Christmas market and stuff I just tried to take the Christmas element out of it.

_____

It's a marshmallow world in the winter, When the snow comes to cover the ground. It's the time for play, it's a whipped cream day, I wait for it all year round!

Those are marshmallow clouds being friendly, In the arms of the evergreen trees; And the sun is red like a pumpkin's head, It's shining so your nose won't freeze!

The world is your snowball, see how it grows, That's how it goes, whenever it snows. The world is your snowball just for a song, Get out and roll it along!

It's a yum-yummy world made for sweethearts Take a walk with your favorite girl It's a sugar date, what if spring is late In winter it's a marshmallow world The world is your snowball, see how it grows, That's how it goes, whenever it snows. The world is your snowball just for a song, Get out and roll it along!

---

Today was the big annual light switch on in town, and for once there were no cars on the roads. Although that mostly had to do with the fact that instead of the main streets being open, they were covered market stalls and were bustling with people. It was known to be traditionally busy, and you’d stayed the night at Anders’ place - as he was closer - in order to get here early. Not that you did much sleeping. And you still had to set off before the sun came up because it wasn’t just your town that turned up here, and he wasn’t within walking distance of town. You had a nice secret weapon in Preston’s little apartment, which was situated centrally, near the main shopping street, and had spaces out the back. Not many in his block had cars, and he had enquired with his neighbours to secure one for the two of you. So you’d turned up to his place this morning and walked the rest of the way. Despite the lack of sleep - and you would certainly blame your boyfriend for that - you were all in very high spirits. It was chilly, but you were bundled up, and there was something about the cold today… Due to the excitement surrounding the market it just hit a little different. You expected more snow; it had already fallen pretty steadily all week and the weather seemed to suggest it would stay that way. Anders laced his fingers with yours, pulling you closer and drawing your hand into the pocket of his coat. You couldn’t help smiling, even though you weren’t looking at him, and you nudged into his arm playfully, causing him to chuckle.

Preston, who was walking in front of you, turned with a look of feigned disgust: “You two aren’t about to embarrass me again are you!?” “Oh my god, we haven’t even had breakfast and he’s started.” Anders muttered, before rolling his eyes, “No! Could you walk any slower?!” Preston scoffed, “I’m admiring the ambience. Taking in the silence before it gets too busy... Where do you wanna go for breakfast anyway? Geez, we coulda had some at mine. Woulda been cheaper.” “As if you’re paying!” You couldn’t help laughing at their bickering, some things never changed, and for that you were extremely grateful, “First off, it’s tradition-! And I’ll pay, let’s just get out of the cold for a minute…” You’d all been doing this for years - the market was a tradition in town after all - and it was never less exciting than previous iterations. For the past few years, however, you’d had the addition of your boyfriend and his son. There were a few stalls that had become staples, but there were a lot of independent ones that just kept being added to, and you always loved looking at these. A lot of your gifts had started to become more local and to your friends around the world these had become like gold dust. Each year you received multiple texts asking what it was going to be this time, and you always teased them all about it. Now you were with Anders this became even funnier - because stall hopping became a long string of gasps, before he shook his head at you, smiling, ‘Alright, who is this one perfect for!?’  Preston usually hung around with you both for about an hour or so before he graciously took his leave to wander alone. Sometimes you thought he was merely humouring you… sometimes you felt he actually wanted to hang out with you both. So whilst at breakfast you discussed what you were most looking forward to seeing, and what route you were going to take. With the market spread out over most of town you could start and finish the circuit virtually anywhere; and you liked doing different variations of your walk each year - and then revisited stalls where you’d need a little more time to think. 

*** 

Sometimes you thought Anders humoured you just as much as Preston did, because he didn’t ever do a lot of shopping here. Although you got the distinct feeling that he came down on another evening to do that - because occasionally you talked about things you liked and you ended up being gifted them. Sometimes you were surprised you hadn’t caught each other in the act, as this was something you did too. But you knew Anders would tell you otherwise; you thought that in reality he just enjoyed your company here and getting in the holiday spirit. After all, of the two of you, who was the one decorating their house to the nines? You always cackled when driving up, because you could literally see his house from blocks away; such a vibrant mass of colour down an otherwise dull street. No-one else made the effort that he did. 

This year Anders had hauled you over to help him put them all up (well, Preston was supposed to help too, but he spent most of it sitting around with a beer directing you) and you were in fits of laughter for the whole day. So once the whole damn thing was finally lit up at night, you almost felt sick from how much you were laughing. His son was laughing too, but you felt for different reasons. Anders didn’t really care, he was just happy that you were both joyful, and that things were looking festive. You’d helped him decorate the rest of the house too, and tried to reign him in to being at least a little tasteful about it. “Inside or outside, not both.” “Aw, c’mon Y/N, you gotta do it properly!” “Good god, what are you planning!?” Still, in the end you thought he’d managed it. In fact one of the main reasons that Anders’ house was a little more decorated than yours was the amount of time you were spending here. You’d invited him over for a date and he’d peered around, then looked at you with a frown that said you were insane. “You call this decorating!? This is so SAD!” You were almost tempted to agree with him… As predicted, Preston eventually moved further and further away from the two of you. However, this year you didn’t just let him go, and you and Anders looked to each other with identical smirks. “OI!” Preston stopped, shoulders moving in a cringe before he twisted back to you, “...Yeah?” “Not cool enough for you or something-!?” You had always prided yourself on being the cool one, so that tease was well landed when he practically grimaced. “If you wanna leave just say something!” Anders was a little louder about it and Preston turned red. “Oh my god - guys! What did I say!” He shuffled back over, trying to calm you both down. “Just ask to go!” “C’mon I’m not 12-! I’m not even 17! I have to ask!?” You peered around him, spying a few of his friends kicking around just up the street. That’s probably where he was heading. Anders folded his arms tilting his head, “You’re still my kid.” Preston took a deep breath and sighed, “I know…” That caused your partner to smile gently, “Go on, go enjoy yourself. Just don’t be a stranger okay?” “Okay…” Preston was a little bashful, but gave Anders a hug anyway, “See ya later, dad.” Anders blinked a couple of times but returned the hug gratefully, and you caught that smile of his you knew he’d likely be wearing all day. Preston offered you a hug too, which you gratefully accepted, “Go enjoy yourself with your friends!” “Yeah!” He laughed, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do-!” You gave him a look that might suggest you didn’t know what he was talking about, before Preston gave you a wink and waved you both off. You turned to Anders’ smile and couldn’t help beaming yourself: “If you could see that look on your face.” He laughed and as he looked to you, holding his hand out for yours again, that smile widened and Anders’ blue eyes glittered; “Oh… I know!” *** If there was one theme in all your purchasing this year, it could only have been candy. The food stalls were out of this world and you’d strategically come to them all at lunchtime. Unfortunately you were both eating and buying, and your sweet tooth had taken over. You were glad this was still going to be a good walk-! But the festive candy was just too cute to pass up - and it would be rude for you not to try some, especially when offered. Anders had resisted a little at first, but now was in full swing with you. And every time one of you commented that you were stuffed and probably couldn’t eat another bite, you came across yet another stall. At this point - unsurprisingly - you were on a sugar rush and Anders was groaning and trailing you. You hadn’t made him carry anything, at least he could be grateful for that - but he was pretty sure he knew exactly what you’d be eating over the festive period. “Do you really need all that candy?” At least he said it with a laugh. You turned to him eyes wide, “Uh, yeaaah--!” He looked amused and bit his lip like he was goading you into something but, standing and staring at you laden with bags full of nothing but candy, Anders couldn’t help it: “Oh my god, seriously, are you a child?” You knew exactly what he was saying but, instead of agreeing, you folded your arms and gave him exactly what he wanted: “Says YOU!” “Me?!” Anders placed a hand to his chest, and was smiling even though he was trying to look shocked, “Whatever could you mean-!?!” “It’s the Holiday season Anders! Everyone is entitled to act like a child!” He chuckled, walking towards you, “Exactly, so why are you complaining!?” “I’m not complaining - you’re complaining!” “Mmm…” He tipped his head gently with a squint, “I can complain about your candy consumption if you can complain about my decorating.” You gasped, “Always with the decorating!” “You started it!” The two of you kept staring each other down for a minute, until you realised that you were standing in the middle of the street arguing like children. Upon which you fell into peals of laughter. Eventually you both managed to calm down, and Anders wiped his eyes, taking deep breaths of cold air to stop his voice from wavering with laughter too much. “So, uh, kiss and make up?” You giggled, thinking you might have just graduated from children to teenagers: “I think…” You took a step forward to be nearly toe to toe with him, “that would be wise!” He wound his arms around you as you leaned up into him, your lips to his as you closed your eyes. Suddenly you were glad of all that candy, because it made him taste even sweeter. An amalgamation of sugars and chocolate coated his own familiar taste and you couldn’t help but groan into the kiss. You were surprised Anders didn’t snort at you just for that; but he squeezed you to him a little tighter.  You pulled back, eyes closed for a moment just to savour him, opening them again and breathing; “I think there’s sugar still on your lips, should I kiss it off?” Anders smirked as you clung on to his coat, “What, didn’t get enough of a sugar fix?” “From you?” You leant back up into him, smiling, “Hell no!” *** As the evening began to roll in, with renewed excitement in the air, the crowds were drawn further downtown to watch the lighting of the tree and the strings of lights running the length of main street and beyond. You of course had immediately spotted someone roasting marshmallows, and Anders only rolled his eyes. ‘Of course!’ Still at least they tasted good and were of the right consistency, as you pulled him through the crowds to get a good view. “Only you would be able to find another place selling sugary treats!” “I must be honed in!” You grinned. “A sugar radar. Sounds about right-!” You looked back to him with a smile, “I like sweet things. That’s why I’m with you. The radar didn’t lie-!” He couldn’t help turn a shade of pink at that, “Okay, you’ve definitely had too much!” Anders remained beside you and cuddled your body into his as you stood watching the MC do his best to warm up the crowd - for the most part everyone was in good spirits and it worked charmingly. In fact you didn’t think one person didn’t join in with yelling the count down. You’d both spotted Preston - still with his friends - and had waved over, but left him to hang with them. There was a gasp through the crowd and then a cheer as all the lights went on. You couldn’t help but also light up, feeling like a child again. There was just too much wonder and joy about this time of year not to. It always made you excited. Anders smirked, leaning into you, “Bet that’s not the only thing that gets turned on tonight…” You knew that he knew you wouldn’t be able to resist bantering back to his cheekiness: “Well, you can turn me on later.” There was a growl to his voice that proved his point: “Oh… I think I will.” You walked slowly through the streets admiring all the different collections in vibrant colours; there had been some new strings added and the town had clearly got very creative. You thought suddenly about making the trip into NYC to see all the lights there… although somehow you felt this could be better. Especially with the context. When the chill in the air began to settle in, you decided it was about time to call it a night. Finding Preston just to say goodnight and hug goodbye. Although you weren’t exactly hurrying back, despite your joking. And eventually white flakes began to fill the air. Anders paused and blinked before continuing the walk a little slower, watching it begin to stick to the ground. “Oh, what would you know, it’s snowing.” He commented, but realised you weren’t beside him anymore. You had stopped a little way down the street behind him, looking up in wonder at the sky as the flakes began to drift. He walked back to you, slipping his arms around your waist and rested his head on top of yours to watch them fall. “Snow always looks so pretty. And so soft when it’s settled...” “Not as pretty as you.” He mumbled, but smiled himself. “Okay, Mr. Smooth.” You chuckled, “I suppose you want to get me home?” He smirked, “Think that one is your prerogative. But I can certainly warm you up-” “Uh huh!” “-In the car on the way back.” You scoffed, taking his hand back in yours, although neither of you moved, “Maybe we can watch for a few more minutes…” “Then I’ll have to warm you up even more.” You could hear that smirk in his voice as you pushed your head back into his chest, and couldn’t help but smirk yourself. “I mean I really hope you do. First you gotta turn me on... like a Christmas light.” Anders scoffed, “Oh what, like that’s hard?” You bit back your immediate reaction, ‘what’s hard?’, but couldn’t help but snort; “Oh no, I’ve seen you with your own. I think you got this.” “Oh yeah.” He pulled away from you slightly to place a kiss to your neck that made you shiver, “I’m practically a pro.”

---

Thank you for requestingggg--!! Thank you for reading! 💕😘

[kitkats-mikrokosmos]

you who led me through that maze, you are my light - chapter 1: such stuff as dreams are made

crossposted on ao3

genre: fluff, slowish burn, romance pairing: ot7 x reader summary: ❝ this rain, too, is coming to an end i won’t let go of your hand anymore i wish that you would love me ❞

(or the one in which bighit holds a raffle for army to spend 4 months with bts in a remote lakehouse, and you win)

word count: 1390 warnings: cursing

see author notes at the end

Words could not begin to describe the cocktail of emotions that shot straight through your veins as you stared down at your phone.

"Dear (L/N) (F/N),     Congratulations! You've won the raffle!     Please contact us by January 31st, 2021 to claim your prize.     We look forward to hearing from you. -BigHit Entertainment"

This had to be a joke, right? There was no way that this was real. Spam or a cruel joke from your family or maybe this was a dream.

You reached over and pinched your forearm. Hard.

The only thing that resulted was an explosion of stinging pain across your nerves and involuntary tears springing to your eyes.

So this wasn't a dream. But that still left spam or a joke.

It was totally in character for either of your brothers to pull something like this. But you didn't know if they knew how to spoof an email address, and, as you peered at the screen, you realized that address looked very official.

Quickly, you opened an incognito browser and did a Google search for BigHit's email address (addresses?). There was no guarantee of credibility, but still, it was better than operating under the assumption of goodwill. That was the sort of thing that got you hacked and all of your data sold on the dark web, and that was something you'd rather avoid. Once you'd found emails that looked like they might be correct, you opened the email again to compare them. The result had your heart hammering in your chest and your pulse fluttering in your throat like hummingbird wings.

They were almost identical.

This was probably the real deal.

This was probably the real deal.

You leaned back in your chair, a bark of disbelieving laughter leaving your lips.

Well shit.

You had some plans to make, you guess.

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"Dear (L/N) (F/N),     We discussed what you mentioned in your last email, and, in the effort of making you more comfortable, we thought that we might send the boys out one at a time to join you in the as-of-yet undisclosed location. You would have a week to get to know each other individually before another member would join you both.     Is this sufficient? -BigHit Entertainment"

"Dear BigHit Entertainment,     That sounds great! Thank you so much for being so understanding. I really appreciate it. -(F/N) (L/N)"

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"Your plane will leave tomorrow at 6:00 AM. Sorry, but that ended up being the most convenient time."

"It's fine, I understand," you said, smiling even though you wanted to cry at the thought of waking up at 4 in the morning so that you could make the plane ride. You'd have to make an emergency order from Target for a couple of those Starbucks frappucinos. You absently scrawled a reminder to yourself down onto a sticky note that you stuck to your corkboard, phone balanced between your shoulder and your ear.

Oh, how you missed the days when you could just drive to the store down the road and pick up whatever junk food you happened to be craving at the moment.

Still, life goes on.

"All precautions will be taken, of course. Still, when you arrive in Seoul, you'll be required to quarantine for two weeks. I know you've already been informed, but I just wanted to double-check one more time: you are okay with this, correct?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

You'd expected it, in fact. They couldn't have known for certain that the ARMY that won the raffle would be from Korea, and there were all sorts of travel restrictions, worsened by winter - that they could fly you in at all was nothing short of a miracle. Quarantine seemed obvious.

You'd rather not spend time holed up in some hotel or someplace for fourteen days, waiting to see if you'll start displaying symptoms, but you'd also rather not get other people sick by accident - especially not the boys. The only way those two things could coincide was if the pandemic was over, and, unfortunately, things weren't there yet. You were still praying for a vaccine, but in the meantime.

"All right, I believe that's everything. We look forward to meeting you, (L/N)-ssi."

"I look forward to meeting you, too. Thank you. I really appreciate this opportunity."

It sounded like the person on the other end was smiling when they replied, "Of course. Have a good day."

"You, too."

"Bye."

You hung up and turned in your chair. Your suitcases were packed and waiting by the front door, and butterflies swooped in your stomach. In less than 24 hours, you'd be hopping on a plane to Korea, and in a little more than 2 weeks, you'd be meeting BTS.

Already, you were nervous. You couldn't imagine how much of a wreck you'd become as the day approached. Still, that was something for future-you to deal with. Present-you had enough on your plate.

First order of business: ordering coffee.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You blinked blearily up at the airport.

Where to now? you wondered as you stepped through the automatic doors. Multiple signs blinked at you to please wear a mask, and you adjusted yours a little, fixing it on the bridge of your nose. You glanced around. There weren't any obvious directions or anything.

"Uh, are you (Y/N) (L/N)?" an unfamiliar voice spoke.

You turned.

A woman in a pressed blue uniform and a matching mask stood there. She stopped the mandatory six feet away, and, judging from the crinkles of her eyes, she was smiling at you.

"That's me," you said, reshouldering your carry-on bag.

"Excellent!" she chirped, in true customer service fashion.

You felt bad for her, having to be this upbeat at ass o'clock in the morning. Maybe she could recommend you her coffee brand. Or maybe she was just fueled by spite like you'd been when you worked at the coffee shop downtown. Opening was always a fucking nightmare.

"Please follow me." She gestured onwards, then began walking.

You trailed behind.

"I'll take you to security," she continued as she walked, her heels clicking against the linoleum. "You'll be flying on a private plane today. Whoever's flying you out must really want to be sure you're safe." She paused. "And have a lot of money." She gave a tottering laugh.

You probably would've found the joke funnier if you were actually awake, but alas. You'd had two of your three coffees already, but there was only so much caffeine could do when it was up against the existential nightmare of an early morning.

Luckily, she didn't seem particularly daunted by her less-than-enthusiastic audience. Instead, she kept chattering on - about what, you weren't sure; you were having an incredibly hard time focusing your foggy brain to focus on anything for longer than 0.2 seconds.

You were flying to Korea. Jesus Christ. The reality was finally sinking in - as much as it could, given your current state. What country had you saved in a past life to be this lucky?

You likewise went through security in a daze, still reeling. You were only slightly more coherent when you were boarding the plane.

The flight attendant gave you a sympathetic smile and advised that you try to get some sleep - it was going to be a long flight.

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14 hours later, give or take, the plane had touched down in Seoul. You disembarked and were immediately swept away, rushed through customs before being deposited into the care of BigHit employees. One notable employee being Kim Hyun-Woo, whom had been the one you communicated with primarily as this whole thing was being set up.

He greeted you with a wide grin. "It's so great to finally be able to meet you in person, (L/N)-ssi."

You tried to return his smile as best you could. "You as well." You yawned. "Sorry, that was a really long flight."

"I understand." He nodded and gestured to the car. "If you'll climb inside, we'll take you to the hotel you'll be staying at for the duration of your quarantine."

You did so, and you were soon on your way.

You watched Seoul's cityscape slide by, the brilliant lights offset by the dark of the night, and you wondered why it was that you felt like your life was about to change. Forever.

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Short first chapter I know, but the next chapter will be longer - and juicier. You’ll be joined by the first member next chapter, so be sure to vote to decide who that’ll be.