#but I feel like we talk about that more
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Darry but with anxiety tho
#he def has anxiety#my dudes just so stressed#I feel for him#the outsiders#the outsiders 1983#darry curtis#the outsiders hcs#you can add Johnny in here too btw#heâs also got anxiety#but I feel like we talk about that more
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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Man is it just me or are a lot of TV shows nowadays are written to have big emotional episodes in scenes with very little build up.
#txt#i have some thoughts on a certain show.... maybe i'll talk about it lol#like you would think with shortened seasons these writers would try to limit the cast so that big scenes feel more earned... but they dont?#they want these big massive expansive casts with big emotional moments by episode 2 and then every episode needs that Big Scene#i noticed this especially with a lot of indie animated shows#pacing and build up is sacrificed so we can have big emotional scenes with characters we know very little#even indie shows i enjoy im just kind of like âwouldnt this feel more earned if i actually knew this characterâ#and sometimes it works. pluto made me cry in the first episode! but it also spent so much time with these characters because#they're an hour long each
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Half-foots are highly discriminated against in the world of dungeon meshi.
They have a difficult time living in places outside of their own territories because places where larger races live arenât built for their size and crowds can be dangerous.
theyâre the least valued race by long lived races because their life spans are the shortest out of all the races. this means that theyâre dehumanized and often considered disposable. their superior senses make other races use them as âluresâ when hunting succubi/mermaids (usually dying in the process).
Theyâre often mistaken for/treated like children because of their appearances, and because of this they have a difficult time getting jobs because itâs assumed that theyâre immature/canât handle it.
Because of this, when living outside of Half-foot territories theyâre forced to get money by any means necessary (often resorting to crime), so other races stereotype them as âcunningâ âgreedyâ and âmanipulativeâ.
On top of that, members of long lived races who tend to fetishize them.
Even the name âHalf-footâ is discriminatory.
Ryoko Kui does a fantastic job at world building.
But even after all of that, im not gonna stop talking about how bad i wanna put Chi Chi in my pocket.
#iâm not gonna stop tho#thatâs my little guy#on a real note i adore this manga so much and i feel like we need to take the treatment of half-foots into consideration more when talking#about chilâs character because it really adds to his complexity and makes a lot of his behaviors make sense#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#delicious in dungeon spoilers#dungeon meshi spoilers
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Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Sorry to everyone who was looking forwards to this comic only to find out I put WWX in the ugliest outfit.#Continuity came first. Plus let's be honest; he did *not* show up in anything fancy. Or in all black as seen in most fanart.#We are at the middle of WWX depression arc. His self-care was 100% because Jin Yanli would be sad if he didn't try to look nice.#Okay okay. Fine I've delayed talking about the kiss long enough.#It is absolutely a core LWJ scene over a WWX scene. Which is made even more fascinating because we don't get his POV.#But we get so many insights! His loss of control and his firmness all contrasted against how he trembles.#And all of that wrapped up in a wonderful self-loathing bow! You go Lan Zhan! You hated yourself so much for this!#WWX is a hilarious narrator for this because he is truly just...baffled by what's going on.#He would push the person away but he doesn't want to hurt their feelings or pride (putting other people first again are we?)#I do understand why this one is divisive for people though. I choose to look at it through a character/humourous lens.#I've seen people defend and admonish this scene as a particularly shitty thing LWJ did and let's be very clear here: It was.#That's why I like it. LWJ did a shitty thing and struggles with it. It's part of what makes him so robust as a character.#It's also fine if you enjoy this scene for it's eroticism. You're not a bad person for that. You are just A Person.#People will have their own experiences with this topic. Be kind to each other alright?
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âMistakes on mistakes untilâ ch 69 spoilers below!
Ahahahahahahah here I go again
Mistakes on mistakes until until I can draw Jazz with my eyes closed
I woke up, checked my phone, woke up for real and decided that whatever plans I had for this day yeah no they can wait a little bit kfkgnfk
Also. Consider listening this while reading. Or don't who am I to tell you what to do~
#maccadam#transformers#Jazz#Meister#Starscream#L I S T E N#I THINK#The âJazzâ is a hologram and âMeisterâ is the Real Jazz#because yeah It totally makes sense. Soundwave touched Meister so Meister must be real. And Hound could just create the hologram of Jazz#but....b u t#I can't stop thinking that there's might be something more#like...Hound wasn't exactly wery well hidden. For the love of god STArScream saw him and talked about him#and we all know than Soundwave is a fucking all seeing eye of Sauron when it comes to watching suspicious activity#I...fuckin...listen ok#Meister's plan with second Jazz is so damn clever bc it would literally show to Soundwave how Jazz and Meister can stand in the same room#but I can't help but feel that Sounders is inevitably going to discover Hound and unlike Starscream he surely knows what Hounds âthingâ is#or maybe I'm just paranoid. .#maybe Jazz..I mean Meister knows something I don't#i mean duh of course he does#augh I need to stop before by brain spins itself to shreds#This fic made me overthink every detail with double intensity haha#Also. ALSO. We might see the confrontation between Meister and Jazz I feel. we might. it makes me want to giggle for some reson kgkgkg#fic fanart#momu fanart
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last three seasons spn are crazy. its just dean being borderline suicidal while sam tries to fix it by basically dangling his keys at him and going : âdean look! cowboys!â âdean look! strip club!â âdean look! haunted action figure.â
Meanwhile castiel is like i see that dean is suicidal, this is clearly my fault so i will remedy this by dying.
#and then dean is fixed by jack getting him a yogurt from the fridge or some shit#dean: yeah i just dont believe theres any point living any more. sam: huh dean are you ok? that sure was a funny thing to say#dean: yeah i just dont believe theres a point to life anymore. cas: donât worry dean. iâll always be here. *dies*#dean:yeah i just donât believe theres a point to living anymore. jack: bummer. want to play mario kart?#dean: sure kid why not#destiel#dean winchester#spn#sam winchester#supernatural#but seriously#i feel like we dont talk about how dean was trying to die at the slightest inconvenience in the later seasons and its like??? bestie???
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reading up on argentiâs lore
#I lost the 50/50 the first time but THIS TIME FOR SURE HE WILL COME HOME#big fan of the hc that he originally had white hair#I hope we get an event or quest or something that tells us more abt himâŠ#why does he have such a harrowing backstory and why does no one talk about it#actually in fact there are so many other characters whoâs got a crazy ass backstory yet I see no one mentioning it ????#hanya and xueyi r big ones for me their story is so sad đ#argenti is one of those characters that you feel like you know everything yet nothing about them at the same time#honkai star rail#argenti#hsr argenti#my art#art#digital art#fanart#illustration#procreate#sketch#haliai art#sketchier than normal cause I was trying out a new brush pack
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so itâs very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that theyâre not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world itâs such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously itâs important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might notââitâs hard! itâs scary! people will make fun of me! itâs useless because thereâs too much evil!â are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesnât get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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I wholeheartedly believe that the last thing that should be said in response to aspecs hating their identity is "don't worry! Aspecs can still do X, Y, and Z" and I'm so fucking serious about this.
The least helpful thing you can do to someone who have not accepted their aspec identity yet is give them ways to compensate for it. If an aspec person is upset over not being able to enter a romantic relationship, the last thing that should be done is to tell them they can still enter one or instead enter a QPR - not because that's not true but because that is quite literally going to stunt their ability to accept their aspec identity. Telling them they can instead enter a QPR when they're upset over the lack of romantic relationships is at MOST a bandaid for the main issue. Instead of them coming to accept their identity and accept who they are you have instead handed them an amatonormative alternative on a silver platter that allows them to pretend they still fit into amatonormativity without every deconstructing it. This is how we get QPRs getting shoved into an amatonormative framework - these people NEVER got over the "I'm sad that I'm aspec" phase because they were handed alternatives instead of given actual support in deconstructing their internalized aphobia, self hatred, and amatonormative biases.
#text#aspec#aro#aromantic#ace#asexual#aroace#I'm not saying that bringing up the fact that aspecs can still interact in certain ways to be Bad or Wrong btw#I'm not saying we shouldn't talk about how some aspecs have sex or some have partnerships or whatever#but more just that the only response to people complaining about certain issues shouldn't only be âOh but you can do xâ#someone who is mourning the fact they dont fit into amatonormativity shouldn't be told âoh but you can fit into amatonormativityâ#Like idk maybe there should be a discussion about how many people use favorability and partnering to avoid properly healing?#maybe there should be a discussion about how often people only accept aspec identities based on how closely they fit amatonormativity?#maybe there is a discussion about how other aspecs play into that and never actually leave their âsad to be aspecâ phase#the fact so many can only âacceptâ their aspec identity when they are told that they can still partake in amatonormativity#like idk i feel like discussions can be had here and i think these sorts of discussions need to be had#especially if we ever want to be on the same page when it comes to dismantling amatonormativity
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9-1-1 + scenes that made me cry 8/? S05E13: Fear-O-Phobia
#911#911 abc#911edit#tvedit#eddie diaz#eddiediazedit#evan buckley#evanbuckleyedit#buddie#buddieedit#i feel like we as a society don't talk about this scene enough#and by we i mean me#i don't talk about this scene enough#i need to talk about this scene more#neptune gifs#911cry
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catch us if you can! â
#the drawings that made my ipad scream in agony#project sekai#polysho#polysho week 2024#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#pjsk#prsk#proseka#colorful stage#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#and tbh theyre pretty overt so#emukasa#ruinene#emks walk into a store in plain clothes and see rui and nene and emu goes Tsukasakun its the detectives we have to hide !!!!!#and tsukasa goes heh.. no need emu.. without our genius disguises snd hair extensions on they wont recognize a thing!!!#(both talking at 200db) (nene voice) Are they stupid?#ruis just a bit too happy about being consistently outsmarted to notice. emks is only winning at phantom thievery by looney tunes logic tho#Emukasa are just team rocket-ing it. and wxs miku much like the detestable Meowth#POLYSHOW WEEK IS KILLING ME AND I ONLY DID 2 DAYS#i drew this whole thing literally just bc i wanted emu in the phantom thief suit. everything else was secondary#my petition to abolish the costume gender lock#I NEVER WANT TO LOOK. AT ANY OF THESE FUCKING OUTFITS EVER AGAIN. EVERRRR. NIGHTMARE DRAWING.#COUGHS UP BLOOD AND GOES TO LESVE THE ROOM BUT I HIT MY HEAD ON THE DOORFRAME AND BLACK OUT.#this is gonna be a bitch to post on instagram with it's Stupid fucking Crop. Guh#FUCK I FORGOT TO PUT THE SHADOW ON THEIR STUPID HANDCUFF LINK dont care dont feel like it [coughs up more blood
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Nobody is as excited about the preview as I am. I have paragraphs.
#very bad doodle I just need to get this out there#donât look at it too hard Iâm begging#someone please talk to me about the blood rush breakup before the world explodes#it is not that serious but I will do anything for twenty seconds of them arguing#the episode hasnât come out but I am shaking#every time they talk I become a little more evil and fucked up#genuinely though aside from the silliness of the conversation being about sports I have some very strong feelings about the little bits we-#-got to see in the preview#like I will inevitably talk about it but just because I know people are gonna beat me to it I just want to express how excited I am#fantasy high#d20#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20#gorgug thistlespring#fabian seacaster#thistlecaster#<- yeah fuck it why not#for my one mutual who likes them#this is for you and you only#fhjy spoilers#my art
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Flower Empowered.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#lan wunian#The absolute chaos that ensued when Lan Wangji showed up...those girls went wild.#We have to give kudos to narration that takes the form of a bunch of suitor seeking ladies.#They were so loud about being here for the hotties and whispering gossip. You go girls.#Wei Wuxian most likely just picked up a already tossed flower to throw. Second hand flowers...are still flowers I suppose.#Can you imagine if LWJ had allergies? Poor lad.#Okay it's time for the real gritty discussion point. The one everyone is waiting for me to talk about:#So...from where we are in the timeline...what the hell is WWX supposed to be wearing?#I'm serious. Put all the fanart out of your brain for a moment.#We are post burial grounds and sunshot campaign so he's had his little goth moment reveal.#*BUT* he is still with the Jiang sect. And by proxy of this flashback talking about his disrespect - they never bring up his attire.#meaning he is likely in some kind of Jiang Purple.#Continuity wise it really feels like this scene should have been *before* the burial mounds.#I understand why it's post - we need to build up on the mystery of how he became the YLLZ.#But also his personality feels way more 'pre-burial mounds WWX'. I think this was probably a 'I don't want to kill my darling' scene.#(The Phoenix mountain flashback is a lot of people's 'darling'. I am knowingly putting myself in the line of fire here).#I'm willingly putting him in Wen Qing's borrowed cloak and assuming people take him wearing it as like...a war trophy.#Historians will revise this moment later on but for now he *is* a hero of that war.
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what was the point of lila thinking home was a feeling she didn't deserve and could never earn until she found diego. what was the point of them finding deep, meaningful love in each other. what was the point of lila opening her heart and confessing that all she really wanted was a family with him.
what was the point of developing diego and lila over two seasons, creating such a beautiful, chaotic bond, just to destroy it for no reason.
#the umbrella academy#diego x lila#lila pitts#diego hargreeves#what was the point!!!!!!#isn't it great when there's no character resolution and everyone just gets erased from existence#instead of giving us emotional closure they just added more pain and trauma and called it a day#what was it all for exactly. to give the handler a peaceful happy life of all people#don't even get me started on the bracelet or that awful pointless love triangle#steve blackman is gross and so is the way he talks about lila like she's not even a character in her own right but just an afterthought#someone who was there to pair with five while diminishing all that she is#five needed a love story so they just shoved lila into that role as if she were some random accessory to five's story#rather than her own character with thoughts and feelings#a woman's entire character arc is ruined just to give a guy a love interest#i feel sick#i've already mentioned some of this on twitter but whatever#as you can probably guess i'm not going to gif this so-called new season#lila deserved better. diego deserved better. we deserved better
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no way you dropped the biggest river lore in the tags and moved on like it was nothing đ can i ask if this is still your intentions with him? bc it sounds like you changed your mind halfway đ€
im ngl though i really enjoy how ren and river are similar and different to each other, but does that mean river would hurt his angel but leave our friends alone the same way ren would never hurt his angel but would unalive all of our friends? since they're suppose to be each other opposites. i really hope this makes sense đŹ my final question is what is ren doing on thursday? i want to go on a cute pier date again đ©·đž
@secretkoa asked: and can i hear more about what unsent memory is suppose to be about or is that off limits? idk if i asked this in my previous question so ignore me if i did! thank yuo and remember to drink lots of water đžđ±
ââ„â For those who haven't seen the original post, I want to quickly clarify once more that while River was originally my OC, he's since been picked up and revamped by my friend Jesse/@unsentmemory!!
However, now that Jesse has stepped away from the yandere community, River's fate (and da fate of Unsent Memories) has kinda been put on the sidelines for the foreseeable future.
âŒïž Massive Unsent Memories and River spoilers under the cut âŒïž CW for: mentions of gore, torture, mutilation, self-harm, etc.
With all of that being said, yes, Jesse's original intention for River was for him to be your standard "serial killer-turned-yandere once he accidentally catches feelings for his latest victim (Bunny)". The only main difference is that I originally planned for River to be a generic murderer first, whereas Jesse had him become a yandere right off the bat.
You also asked to know more about Unsent Memories, and I think giving a general synopsis(?) would be fine?? ^^ But basically... After getting involved in a car accident, Bunny wakes up with amnesia and gets tricked into thinking that this random guy â whom they've never met before â is their loving, supportive boyfriend named River. In turn, he convinces Bunny that staying in their shared home would be more beneficial than staying in the hospital as it might rekindle some old memories, he'd be able to take care of them, and it would be easier for them to recover at their own pace. But surprise!! River is actually a frequent patron at the Murderer Motelâą and now has trapped Bunny in his Torture BasementÂź!!! <3 He also maaaay or may not've been the one who hit them with Ren's car as well... ^^ Oopsie daisy hehe
And yeah!! Similar to what you've said, River was also supposed to share (somewhat of) a narrative foil with Ren!! I personally wanted them both to have similar, complimenting vibes with each other â all while having completely different/separate motives and incentives when it comes to the object of their affection. I'm glad to see it was conveyed well enough; even after Jesse's additions to River's characterisation :3 I know I already shared some examples in the previous tags, but I can share a few more:
Where Ren puts Angel's feelings and opinions above his own, River purposefully ignores Bunny's and does everything for his own personal benefit. Essentially, "I'm doing this for you" vs "I'm doing this for me".
While Ren would never dream about harming Angel in any capacity, he's perfectly happy to kidnap, extort, torture, and kill everyone else... In contrast to River, who's accustomed to torturing and brutalising others for his own twisted enjoyment and sees it as a way to show his interest in Bunny.
Kinda silly how Ren claims to be a freelance programmer (but is actually a hacker) and how River claims to work at a music shop (it's a coverup for his second torture chamber lmaoooo).
[CW: implications of SH] Ren is willing to go as far as mentally and physically hurting himself if Angel asks him to, whereas River is willing to physically mutilate Bunny if it means keeping them by his side. [end CW]
With that being said, you can assume that Ren is easily swayed by Angel's words, opinions, and emotions, whereas River can easily sway and manipulate Bunny due to his own feelings and emotions.
This is something I've actually mentioned before, but Ren always prefers things to be tidy, so he often cleans himself up after disposing of his victims. Compared to River, who casually wears the bloodstains with pride and blames it on getting a bit rough with someone else during a boxing match.
It's no secret that Ren is willing to change every aspect of himself to earn Angel's love, and River is willing to change his serial killer ways to return Bunny's love. Da power of friendship and repressed childhood memories gksdgjh T_T /silly
Ren pretends to be a Normal Guy© with tons of empathy to spare, whereas River pretends to be a Regular Personâ with the heart of a himbo.
I could go on but you get da point lol
So, yeah!! This is essentially the vibes we had planned for River (and Unsent Memories) before Jesse stepped down /pos ^^ I feel like talking vaguely about UM is fine since River only has a small cameo in 14DWY â and I'm sure that if Jesse ever returns from war (/silly), they'll give River muuuuch more justice than I possibly can :3c
#Hopefully me yapping in this post will suffice for all the yammering I did in the other posts' tags lmaooooo#Ren: is that guy bothering you? I'll kill him >:(#River: someone is bothering you? more than me? what the fuck#Anyways!! Lords and gentlewomen..... I give you......#River ''you made me catch feelings as a child and I don't do feelings so I'm gonna hit you with a car'' Acosta đđđ /silly#There are direct parallels between 2017!Ren and River too if you squint#Also would this be 2024!River now?? Since UM is kinda homeless rn? /silly gshjgjs I just made myself sad T_T#Also; yeag... I agree that I could've worded my original tags better because it DOES seem like we changed our minds hjdgjsk#However my original intention [within da tags] was to talk about what River's characterisation would've been BEFORE Jesse stepped down#i.e. me yapping about what you could've expected from Unsent Memories since the game's fate is kinda.... ambiguous now ^^; /nm#But again; I don't want to force Jesse to come back to da yan community and write for a game they no longer have an interest in#It's not the end of the world if 14DWY doesn't get its sequel; and it's not like I'm going to stop working on its prequel either /gen#me: guys there's another yandere in 14DWY!!!#everyone else: omg it's Leon!!!#me: ......yeah... definitely... đŒ#.......I yearn to :evilhehe:#đ â answered.#đ â 14 days with queue.#đ â about ren.#đ â about river.#secretkoa#Very brief mentions of:#cw torture#cw self harm#cw gore
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