#but I don't wanna post anything until I have chapters 4 and 5 up to snuff

[pernesophe]

Arranged Marriage to the Demon of Sakuragi Master List:

(Minors, Ageless and Blank Blogs DNI)

Synopsis: You are an American who moved back to Japan to live with your father - Kenzo Asano - after your grandmother passed away. Truthfully, you had started receiving cryptic letters, small messages, and flowers left in places you’d typically be. One thing that remained constant was the signature: “It’s a beautiful day for flowers, isn’t it?” After a few months being back home, your father proposes you marry The Demon of Sakuragi to ease tensions between the two rival clans. You agree, hoping your marriage can create a lasting alliance and peace. How will you manage being wife of The Demon turned babysitter? Can he love you? Can you love him? Will the letters and flowers stop now that you’re in Japan, with a husband who is Yakuza to boot? MDNI. TW {stalking, angst, paranoia, deaths in reader's family prior to the story. Eventual violence, blood/gore, and smut. Some comfort and fluff throughout} In depth TW's available on each chapter. Links for each chapter will be added as they are posted.

Chapter List:

Chapter 1: Move

Chapter 2: Business Deals and Crushes

Chapter 3: Nightmares and Tea Cakes

Chapter 4: Atonement and Sleuthing

Chapter 5: Museum Dates and First Kisses

Fandom Masterlist I do not own or have rights to any of the characters, manga/anime panels, art or photos in this post. The ring photos were posted on Pinterest by Runmily (ring designer) - here is the link to their ring set on Etsy.

[beyourownanchor6]

rated: e | words: 90.4k | chapters: 10 | read on ao3

summary:

“Does this story have a point?” Eddie questioned, Lena narrowing her eyes at him; it would’ve felt threatening had he not known she was more bark than bite.

“This guy, my sort of friend—what if he could watch Chris for you?”

Eddie furrowed his brows together. “You want me to leave my kid who’s halfway across the country with some—stranger?” Was she out of her damn mind?

“It beats having him sent home to your parents, right?”

Well, she had a point there.

Eddie shook his head, overwhelmed with his thoughts.

“Look, I appreciate it Bosko, but I just—I don’t know. This is my kid we’re talking about.”

“I know that, and I know how much you love him. Hell, you’ve sent me ten plus emails when I was watching him for you.”

Eddie looked to where there was a line coming out of the office, his other teammates no doubt having several emergency questions of their own. He turned to Lena, giving his full attention.

“Alright, tell me about this friend of yours.”

—or—

The one where Eddie’s in the army, Shannon gives up her rights to Chris, and Eddie needs a babysitter. Good thing Lena knows Buck, the guy having nothing better to do than help babysit until Eddie gets back. Eddie would come home, and he would leave; it wasn’t like they were going to build some lifetime friendship or anything.

————————————————————————

this fic is complete. all chapters up and posted! <333

chapter 1: everything on our own (we don't need anyone or anything)

chapter 2: would you lie with me?

chapter 3: somehow, we mixed up goodbye and goodnight

chapter 4: backdraft

chapter 5: fall in love with a single touch (fall apart when it hurts too much)

chapter 6: miles from where you are ( i pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms)

chapter 7: i wanna feel your pulse on mine

chapter 8: look into my eyes and say you want me (like i want you)

chapter 9: i'm feeling love (i'll never love another one)

chapter 10: wait for me to come home

tagging squad and everyone else who asked to be tagged for this fic (tagging again for anyone who was waiting for it to be complete <33): @heartbeatdiaz @redlightsandicedtea @confetti-cupcake @swiftiebuckleyhan @loveyourownsmiilee @justsmilestuffhappens @queerbuckleys @honestlydarkprincess @zainclaw @eddiesbicowboy @djdangerlove @bifirefighters @mr-and-mr-diaz @buddierights @crazyfangirlallert @monsterrae1 @wh0re-behavi0r @panicatthediaz @jacksadventuresinwriting @stanningsky @buckaroo118 @angelwiththeblue-box @spotsandsocks @alyxmastershipper @buck-tartt and @toboldlynerd @spaceprincessem @shinedivine @they-reap-what-we-sow @elishareads @usuallymyenthusiast @sassybitchdiaz @wildlife4life @silassstingy @weebleroxanne @bottomofthe9th @i-had-bucky @slowlyfoggydestiny @spiceyreads @shortsighted-owl @eddie---diaz @greenfairrryy @lina-albuqq @taiga-aiusabi @lemotmo @jely-bely @insanitymoshpit @obsessedmaggiemay @sunflowerdiaiz @bucksbf if you asked to be tagged but don’t appear here, it’s bc your username is hidden so i can’t tag 😔

[sinner-sunflower]

P.2 HH Lucifer-centric AU 18/?

STORY 1, PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 14.5, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21, PART 22, PART 23, PART 24, PART 25, PART 26

Update: There will be a change in the chapter upload schedule. New chapters here will be posted MWF starting this week so next update will be on Friday. While TTh are days for me to rewrite and post story 1 chapters on ao3.

Thank you for your understanding <3

-----------------------------------------------

Adam is actually adjusting rather well in Hell which, honestly, baffled Charlie and the others. Lucifer not so much because he's pretty sure Adam was not meant for Heaven but they didn't wanna embarrass themselves by having the first human soul fall in Hell.

And they say Lucifer's the prideful one.

Sure, the dickhead bitches and complains but he deduced the guy would do it regardless of where he was. He always thought that Adam was a lazy ass son of a bitch who's all dick and no brains; like one of those jock characters from Charlie's DVD collection.

Maybe that's why he's adjusting so well. His attitude is very on brand for Hell.

Still doesn't explain this, though.

Lucifer: How are you so good at this? I thought you said you hated it.

Adam: I said I hated it not that I'm shit at it. Besides, who the fuck loves doing paperwork?

Today, Lucifer is at the palace catching up on centuries worth of documents that he missed during this 'me-time'. The Sins initially offered to take over so that he could rest but he insists on doing it himself. He feels bad about relying on the Sins too much every time there's a problem. He's supposed to the older brother! The-uh- King of Hell! And what King can't even do simple paperwork?

Apparently he is, because he and Adam have been at this for days now and the pile just never seem to lessen. He's beginning to think someone has cursed him to be stuck here forever.

Speaking of Adam, Lucifer won't admit it to his face but the other has been a very big help; like they're actually making progress and none of the work is half-assed too.

He can't help but look on in wonder at how the first man is just zooming through the endless papers.

Adam: Oi. I know I'm a fine piece of art but can you stop lookin' at me like that? Take a picture, it'll last longer.

Lucifer: I just can't get my head around all this.

Adam: What's not to get, bruh? You know I'm good at everything; even the boring shit. I handle Sera's when she's too busy doing fuck knows too, you know!

Lucifer: Excuse- what?! You handled Sera's documents?? And she didn't stop you the first time???

Adam: Okay- why the fuck are you acting like that's such a shock?

Lucifer: Helloooooo it's freakin' Sera? It's you? I just-

Lucifer makes an exaggerated gesture of scratching his head in mock confusion.

Lucifer: -is she out of her mind? Did she suffer some form of brain damage?

Adam: Okay, look. You are making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be, I don't pry into your stupid skills and insecurities.

Lucifer: Bitch, you literally do that all the time!

It was nice, in a weird way, how they're bantering. It almost reminds Lucifer of the first days he came to Eden; how Lilith and Adam pretended for a bit to get along for him.

As an angel, he was taught to see the good in everything. After all, everything was made by Father's hand so why would they be anything less than good and perfect?

They say that God is omnipotent and all-knowing, so he often wonders if his Father intentionally made the humans that way. Still does not explain why he would cast him out when the mistake was in his Father's hands.

Because.

Adam was fun until he said something about Lilith. Adam was fine until he acts like a 'man'. Adam was a friend until he wasn't.

Eden was one hell of a reality check. Pun intended.

Man, was pre-humanity Heaven always been cult-like?

Adam: Bro, how bout you shut up and let me do the work you've forced upon me. And why are you here anyway? I thought you live at that hotel now.

Lucifer: Oh? Would you rather do the work there? I have to warn you; Nifty goes in and out of rooms as she pleases to clean so-

Adam: Ah!!!! Don't say that name!

Lucifer: What? Afraid she's gonna come out of the mirror like some sort of Bloody Mary?

Adam bearing his teeth at him like a wild animal is a funny sight to see but then a got a very genius idea, a literal lightbulb turned on above his head.

Lucifer: Nifty...

Sensing what Lucifer is doing, Adam scrambles up and charges at him. Lucifer dodged him with ease and flies high above the room away from prying hands.

Lucifer: Niftyyyyy~

Adam: Lucifer, stop that shit!

Lucifer: Niffffffffffffffty-

Nifty: Hey guys!

The scream the two let out at the sudden voice were embarrassingly high enough to be mistaken for a teenage girl's.

Adam: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Lucifer: Jesus Christ!

Despite the panic in front of her, the little cyclops just smiled on.

Lucifer: Nifty, what in the world are you doing here?

Adam: Get that thing away from me!

Lucifer: Oh don't be such a baby, it's just Nifty.

Adam: You screamed too, asshole!

He gave Adam a wave to say 'whatever' and turns back to Nifty who has her eyes locked on the panicking demon behind him.

Maybe he should let her have at it at him just a little.

Nifty: I'd love to start a goat collection hehe~

Okay, nevermind. With Adam's surprising skills at organization, he can't afford to die yet until he finishes Lucifer's paperwork.

Lucifer: Uh Nifty, my question?

Nifty: Yes, roach queen?

Lucifer: Roach what? You know what, don't answer that. I asked why are you here.

Nifty: Oh! Miss Charlie is calling for you. Seems pretty urgent.

Lucifer: Did something happen at the hotel?

Nifty: Not really!

Lucifer: So?? What is it???

Nifty: Have you been outside at all, Mr. King?

Lucifer: Well no. We've been holled up all day doing this-

He vaguely gestures to the mess of his office.

Lucifer: And I put up a sound barrier so we wouldn't get distracted. I've also turned off my phone sooooooooOHHHH my god!

What the shit?? 666 missed calls??? Most of them are from Charlie.

Nifty: Said that no one could reach you. The others are trying to calm the panic cause most of the icky demons went straight into the hotel. I wanted to stab them but Miss Charlie told me to just come here and get you!

Probably to prevent bloodshed. His daughter is so smart but-

Lucifer: What actually is happening, Nifty?

Nifty: Oh! The sky is falling!

-----------------------------------------------

Sorry if it's a bit short but I just wanted to write AdamsApple banter and a bit of introspective.

Also, is that a chicken little reference???

Kudos to you if you saw that Spring Broken reference (arguably my fave Helluva Boss episode all because of the creative insults)

[libraryofneith]

Out of Mind - Chapter 9 (Joel Miller x Female Reader)

@hiroikegawa @evyiione @orcasoul @taz-97

*mrs weasley voice* Where HAVE you been?!!!! I know I know I'm sorry for my prolonged absence. I'm in my last year of uni, applying for post grads when all I really wanna do is write about our fav baby girl Joel Miller. If ever this happens again, which it probably will, worst luck I promise I've not abandoned you! I'm loving writing this fic and have big plans for new ones. Huge thank you to everyone who has liked and messaged me, assuring me that I have not been forgotten.

If anyone else wants to be the first to know when this fic is updated let me know and I'll add you to the taglist.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

Summary: As you and Joel make the trade, your trust in him is stretched to its limits.

Warnings: [whole fic is 18+ minors DNI], it puts its age in the bio or it gets the block button, cursing, graphic descriptions of violence, attempted sexual assault, i'm going to put *** at the beginning and ending of any descriptions of sexual violence so you can avoid if necessary, Joel is still a dick, not me getting mad at him for things I made him do.

"you know I'd never let them hurt you."

"Do I?"

You

An icy wind startled you awake. The tip of your nose and cheeks had frozen where they'd been poking out of your sleeping bag in the night. You blew into your hands and tried to rub some warmth back into them, careful not to move the rest of your body or you'd wake Joel who was pressed up behind you.

You'd split the first few nights out of Boston, one of you resting while the other kept watch, but soon exposure to the elements had rendered caution impossible and you'd been forced to sleep at the same time, swaddled under both of your sleeping bags, desperate bodies clinging onto each other for warmth. Most nights you could feel Joel fighting to stay awake, body tensing up every time you started to relax until you hissed at him to quit it. Whether it was for fear of being attacked or refusal to accept any comfort from you was hard to tell.

Your body stilled as Joel shifted against you and you felt a familiar poke in your lower back. It had become something of a wake-up call recently, gently poking you awake on the rare occasions that Joel slept longer than you. It was a sensation with which you were familiar and you kept reminding yourself that it happened to a lot of people in your current situation and it didn't mean anything. Still, as a long, low moan rumbled in your ear you couldn't help but wonder which mystery woman was plaguing Joel's dreams currently. Tess? A ghostly apparition from his past? Or maybe, just maybe, you'd managed to worm your way into his sub-conscious. But you quickly scoffed at the thought. If Joel had any dreams involving you they probably involved wringing your neck.

Joel

She was in his dreams. Again. He always clutched her to him as if he already knew how she would slip away when he woke up. That was the worst part - spending his dreams coiled around her, nose in her hair, arms wrapped around her body, thrusting his hips, searching desperately for release - then waking up still embracing her but having to tear himself away, thanking whatever heartless God existed that she was such a heavy sleeper.

He pried himself away from her warmth, trying not to notice the way she immediately started shivering without him, prodding her until she woke.

"Time to get up."

"Mfff" was all the response he got.

"C'mon move your lazy ass."

"Go away."

"God, you would sleep all day if I let you. Gotta be the worst smuggler I ever seen." That got her up.

"How much further?"

"Not long, we should be able to reach em before sundown. Now remember when we're in negotiations…"

"You do the talking, I decorate the background."

"I know, Tess told me." Joel grimaced.

"What you do is try to be invisible. These folk don't play nice."

He would've much rather done this on his own but Tess insisted he needed back-up. He'd told her before that Ciara was her responsibility, not his, that she would be the only person to blame if she got hurt, but they both knew that was bullshit.

"You ready?" If she was rattled, she didn't show it, just nodded.

Unfortunately for them, Joel's estimations were exact: it was barely afternoon by the time they got to Marcus's camp. Guards frisked them at the perimeter, he noticed that one of them lingered a little longer than was necessary over her and he had to resist the urge to punch him.

"Let's go."

You

As you made your way through the camp, you had a distinct feeling of de ja vu. You hadn't encountered a group like this since before you came to Boston, after which you swore you'd never put your fate in someone else's hands again, fat lot of good that did. Now you felt like a fish swimming into a net.

This Marcus reminded you too much of Robert, except while Robert needed to hire bruisers to do his punching, this guy looked more than capable of striking his own blows. He gave a curt nod to Joel then his eyes turned to you and there was a cruel glint.

"See you've traded Tess in for a younger model." Joel cast you a furtive glance, but said nothing.

"You got what's ours?"

"We have what we promised" Joel responded, producing the collection of guns and ammo you and Tess had filched from the FEDRA base. At the time you'd been pleased to put your skills in climbing and creeping to use but now you didn't like the idea of giving this guy weapons. When you'd asked Tess what he was going to do with it, she rolled her eyes and said "Some light gardening. What do you think?"

"It's still mine till I decide otherwise." But he opened the trunk at his feet revealing a treasure trove of tea, coffee and batteries. You struggled to keep the greed off your face and you could see that Joel was doing the same.

You'd told yourself that everyone needed tools to survive and it was up to him what he used them for, not you. But now, as you looked at Marcus, you could see the faces of everyone you'd ever lost flashing before your eyes.

"It's all there" Joel said as Marcus rifled through the assortment of weaponry.

"Sure seems that way, but now I'm wondering if this is an entirely fair trade."

"It's not. We're giving you FEDRA level weapons in return for batteries n bullshit. You know as well as I do Marcus, that you're robbin' us blind."

"Might seem that way to you, all tucked away in that cosy QZ, but what's the feeling of a gun at your side compared to the feeling of a woman underneath?" Suddenly, you could feel the eyes of every man in the camp on you.

"What're you suggesting?"

"Give me n' my boys a turn with your slice and we'll walk away happy customers."

"C'mon Miller, don't be greedy. We ain't seen a woman in months."

There was a horrible silence. You couldn't hear anything but the ringing in your ears. Finally, Joel replied: "I don't share."

"Probably cos you scared em all away."

"Listen, I promise we'll give her back the same way we found her, more or less. I'll even throw in a few packs of cigarettes we got off a trespasser a while back. Been saving them for a special occasion."

The men were closing in on all sides now, like walls sealing themselves.

"How many packs?" Your stomach dropped.

"Three."

"Show me." Marcus produced the cigarettes with a flourish.

"J-Joel" you managed to stammer out.

"Shut up" Joel glared at you. "Unless you want a repeat of what happened in Austin."

Austin. That was his signal. Loosely translated, it meant trust me, even though things seem shit at the moment, I've got a plan. You have to trust me. And you did. At least, you thought you did.

Joel turned back to Marcus as you cowered behind him.

"At least lemme look at the merchandise."

Marcus beckoned him forward as you could feel his men shepherding you to their side of the camp. You felt a brush on the small of your back and you flinched, looking behind you, but all you could see was a sea of smirking faces.

You watched carefully as Joel went through the trunk. In a flash, you could see a glint of metal. Bullets. Joel must've stashed some in his coat pocket or sleeve. You glanced around, waiting for shouts of alarm or gunfire, but none came. Then Joel was looking at you, just for a second then back at Marcus, and you could see what he saw: under his jacket, a knife strapped to his belt, and a pretty hefty one. Could tear you a new one, or him.

Joel shut the trunk and stood.

"It's all here. I'll be back for her at midnight?"

"Done."

"You two boys escort our friend out of camp, I get first go."

"Right well, enjoy."

You cast one last glance over your shoulder as two huge men prodded Joel with their guns, leading him away from you, as Marcus placed a beefy hand on your shoulder and led you away from him.

*** You swallowed your tears, refusing to give this man the credit of seeing you cry, repeating to yourself, please help me to be brave, please help me to be brave.

"Alright sweetcheeks that's far enough." Bile rose in your throat as his hand forced your head down, pushing you onto your knees. You didn't want to look at him but he grabbed your chin, tilting your head up.

"This'll go a lot easier for you if you don't fight back. I'd hate to return you broken to my associate. That's just bad business."

His shout was cut off by you sticking your fist in his mouth. Teeth pierced your skin but you didn't flinch. You just grinned and said

You said nothing, just nodded and started to unbuckle his belt. You ignored his hand stroking your hair in a disgusting display of tenderness and focused on your task until it came loose. You met his eyes one last time, smiled, then stuck his knife into his groin.

Marcus groaned pitifully and collapsed. Before you could finish the job, you heard the rattling of gunfire and you took off back towards the camp where you could see Joel, having grabbed one of the men's guns, shooting his way through Marcus's men. Unfortunately one man he hadn't accounted for was sneaking up on his left side. Not his left side.

"this'll go a lot easier for you if you don't fight back", sticking the knife into his side.***

The man barrelled into him and had his hands around his throat.

"Let go asshole!" You screamed, plunging the knife into his throat before he had a chance to obey your order.

Joel stared up at you with bulging eyes as you pulled him up, then you both dove behind a crate as shots rang out all around.

"You go left, I go right."

"Real smart thinking giving these douchebags guns" you quipped, but Joel ignored you, responding:

*** You nodded, then edged to your left as Joel drew their gunfire away. It was criminally easy to put your knife through the first two guys but as you grabbed the third one and slit the blade across his throat, you felt a fist closing in your hair and yanking you back. You tried to scream for Joel but another hand clamped over your mouth. You thrashed wildly but to no avail, whoever it was had you in a complete grip. Then you were going flying, hitting the ground with a grunt and feeling your arms and legs pinned as you stared, in horror, at the face of Marcus, covered in blood but still very much alive.

"Guess you shoulda finished me when you had the chance instead of running to help your boyfriend."

"Get off me!" You yelled, turning your face away, the only part of your body you could still move.

Then a single shot tore through the air and Marcus let out a gut wrenching roar above you. Two hands appeared on his arms, ripping him off of you. You remained on the ground, gazing up at the tree tops until a familiar face came into view, tufts of grey and black beard matted with blood.

"I'm gonna enjoy this so much more." You looked around wildly. The sound of gunfire had stopped but you couldn't see Joel, just trees above you.***

"Joel." He helped you up, keeping a firm but not ungentle grip as you swayed in the breeze. The sound of a groan brought you back to reality. Marcus was squirming on the ground like a fish on dry land. A gun was pressed into your hand.

"He's all yours." Marcus whined as you approached.

"No wait, please I didn't mean it, take what you want, let me go, I'm sorry, I won't ever do it again, please…"

You steadied your hand and aimed for his forehead.

"This'll go a lot easier for you if you don't fight back" and you pulled the trigger.

"Are you hurt?" You gazed at Joel who was looking at you with concern. You threw your head back and laughed.

"Am I HURT?!" With a scream that you didn't even realise you were capable of making, you launched yourself at Joel, punching and kicking blindly, shouting "are you hurt? Are you hurt? ARE YOU HURT?"

Joel caught your fists.

"I'm sorry, it was the only thing I could think of." You kept kicking him. "I had to get their guard down and get them separated from their leader." You kicked him doubly hard in the shin. "Ow, stop, you know I'd never let them hurt you."

"Do I?" You screamed, "DO I KNOW THAT?"

Joel held your gaze as your voice echoed throughout the forest. You were suddenly, painfully aware of the death that surrounded you.

"We need to get out of here." You tore yourself away from him and started searching blindly for your pack."

Joel jumped, then followed you as you ran out of the camp.

"Ciara…"

"NOW!"

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Make Use Of Me (chapter 1, preview)

Dec. 7 EDIT: ONCE MORE, WITH BRAVERY THIS TIME. No more chickening out. You can read this thing FOR REAL now. Sorry for being weird, and now....sorry if this wasn't worth it. XD

O-OK...here goes....

First thing's first: I am not expecting a lotta people to read this. I'm not asking people to read this. At this point, I'm making this mostly as a passion project, and if anyone enjoys it, it'll be a really cool bonus. My writing style isn't gonna be for everyone, and the characters I write aren't the most....popular characters in the CRK X Reader community, and I imagine this isn't really something a lotta fans'll be demanding more of.

This is LONG. This one chapter is 56 pages long. I am a VERY wordy writer,

So......why'm I posting this preview? Well....partially as an interest gauge for people who WOULD wanna read it, but...mostly as a motivator. As something to remind myself of whenever I get lazy. After all....I can't quit after I made the first chapter public, right? By doing that, I put myself out there...And, hey, I even tagged it, so, if by the off chance, someone did read it, I'm basically promising them more eventually.....

But, again, I'm not forcing anyone to read this.

Not only is it long, but.....This first chapter is probably my least-favorite thing I've ever written. By posting this chapter by itself, I'm testing to see if it does its job of making people wanna read the rest, cuz....right now, I'm not so sure how well it succeeds at that.....

This is the boring part of the story. It's a bunch of setup, and me jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to just get everything started. I know setup is important and all, but....I'm already a very wordy writer, so....oof....There is some interesting stuff that happens, but it takes a while to get there.

I-I....kinda hate it, actually. The only reason I didn't scrap it is that I didn't realize I hated it until I was about halfway through it and the "good part" hadn't started yet. And I still spent a month writing the thing, so....I finished it.

I'm tagging this...as an experiment. If you wanna read this, go ahead. W-well, read my tags first, THEN go ahead. XD

All I can really say in this chapter's defense is that....I do try my best to salvage it. It's just setup, but I TRIED to make it interesting. And everything that seems like it didn't go anywhere, will later. This isn't the whole story, it's just the beginning of what's gonna be a BIG story. Anything that seems weird in this chapter, gets explored in the other chapters. This does set up a bunch of stuff that becomes important later (The friend character shows up later, the Colosseum becomes relevant later). This chapter is boring, but I tried not to make any of it pointless.

For the future: I'm aiming for five chapters. Chapters 2 and 3 will be a series of smaller vignettes that take place over the course of a few years, chapter 4 will be the climax, and chapter 5 will be something of an epilogue. After that, there will be two endings to choose from (which will make sense when we get there).

This probably won't be my favorite thing I've ever written, but it will be the most ambitious thing I've ever, and probably will ever, write. I haven't written something like this before, and it's all to flesh out this story and make it believable.

Right now, I.....I want to finish this. I'll probably still be writing this in February at the rate I'm going, but...at this point, I've put too much into it to give up on it. However, I'm STILL not completely ruling out the idea of my motivation dying before then. It COULD happen. So, what I'm planning to do is...setting a short-term goal of finishing chapter 3. After I do that, I'll post the first three chapters on AO3 together, and work on the rest. That way, even if I don't finish it, I'll at least have it over half done, and chapter 3 will end on a somewhat high note.

So, yyyyeah....Not a lotta people will read this preview. Overly wordy writing style + boring setup part of story + 56 pages long + assumed lack of interest for X Readers of this character (At least, I haven't SEEN many simps for her, m-maybe I'm wrong, I might be, I-I haven't checked any tags cuz I've been nervous, b-but it doesn't make my writing any better. In that case, this is my first time writing her so I'm trying super hard to do her justice >//////<)

I-if you wanna read this, and see if this first chapter does a good job of making you wanna read the better chapters, then...Go ahead.....

Some notes:

-This is still not the final draft. It's finalized enough for me to share, but I'm still not considering it finished. Even tho I'm working on chapter 3 right now, I STILL go back and edit this, even very recently. So, chances are, even if the story is finalized, small details and sentences are still subject to change. I know for a fact that there are still SOME placeholder bits in here that will change after I get some stuff cleared up. Recently, I even considered chopping off an entire section to make it shorter. I decided not to, but hey, it could still happen. I don't wanna waste anyone's time. The first chapter of a story, even if it's boring, is still very important, and I wanna make sure it's the best version of itself.

(A-and yes, this means that I've finished chapter 2 as well. The reason I'm not sharing it is that, unlike chapter 1, it was finished VERY recently, so I might still need to give myself time to edit it. From what I have, tho, I do like it a LOT more than chapter 1. There are some parts of chapter 2 that I'm legit proud of.)

-Even tho this first chapter is completely clean, I-I should mention that....this fic is for adults. The full version, at least. Chapters 3 and 4 are gonna contain some light N/S/F/W moments (the "fade to black" variety, so nothing explicit) and there'll be other slightly racey comments here and there. Just a heads-up. I'm gonna be uncomfy with minors reading this.

Th-that's all? I-I think that's all.......O-OK, so......h-here goes..... E-enjoy....

[qveerthe0ry]

WIP Wednesday

I got tagged by so many people I feel so loved 🥹 Thank you @ezrasbirdie @jeewrites and @lotusbxtch 🫶🏻💕

Okay now listen, I have a WIP problem right now. I have two I want to finish for the pride event, the epilogue to Small PP Marcus I didn't even plan on writing, and TWO chapters of Lions Ain't the Kind that are half-baked.

This being said, LATK is going to be on a bit of a hiatus at least until after June I fear, but here is a snippet from LATK Part 5 — “But Tings," you may say, "you haven't even posted Part 4 yet." To which I shush you gently. I know. Don't worry about it.

“We have to leave in 30 minutes,” he warns. He’s already panting, though, and you feel the hard line of him under his jeans.  “I only need ten,” you say, “if you wanna try something with me.” He huffs, his warm minty breath heats your face with it.  “I’ll try anything with you.” You smile at him, and your eyes light up, and maybe you look a little devious because his gaze turns a little timid.  “Can I plug you up?” “Jesus.”

NPT: @demonsandbullets @for-a-longlongtime @perotovar @sp00kymulderr 💖

[sorcerous-caress]

I just wanna thank you so much for your completely earned deconstruction of the writer/reader relationship. I have 2 separate writing blogs, and one, my main in fact, I've all but completely given up on until I want to write again. The other is being transferred to be my new main, and I'm not sure if I'll take requests. I've been debating just taking commissions that I'm comfortable with, and posting my own writing when the mood strikes. You've really made me think, and I appreciate that so much! ❤️

I'm not sure if you've had a similar experience, but basically one of my works exploded somewhat and another did to a lesser extent. I was working on other things and all anyone cared about was those two fics.

When I tell you I pored hours upon hours into this super high fantasy rewrite crossover of my favorite game with the same characters, I mean it. My first chapter was over 8k and I made sure I did a bunch of research to nail both the combat, and dialouge.

I posted it, initially meant to be posted between that and one of the fics- only for it to be ignored and instead all I got was update asks. No-one cared when it was right in my rules that it gave me anxiety and made me not want to write.

It got so bad, I literally dropped the blog. I haven't updated my most popular work since 2019 and I've only the past 6 months got inspired for the secondary popular fic. I got so in my head- desperate to do what my readers wanted and not upset anyone. To this day the next chapter sits half written, with me still torn to rewrite it entirely, or just finish it the way I want to and go from there. Yet it's so soured for me. I still love my concept. I still kind of want to repurpose it and flesh it out but I just get such a bitter taste in my mouth and I freeze and get anxiety even now when I re-read it.

Ironically the lack of reception to my passion project was my wake up call. I was genuinely devastated. I had one thankfully amazing commenter(of course on Archive of Our Own), who didn't know my niche little fantasy video game save its very opening hours(It's Final Fantasy 4, in case you're curious), but clicked anyway and gushed about my execution. A whole 4-5 paragraphs. I cried when I read it, beaming ear to ear grin.

If it wasn't for her? I very well may have quit posting my writing altogether and you know what? I still post that fic. Slowly, granted. My 2nd chapter was 9k+ and the 3rd is looking to be over 10k and has taken over 2 years thanks to a lot going on. She posted again on that 2nd chapter though! And I go back and read it when I need inspiration. I'm basically solely posting it for her.

Just...thanks. For sharing how you feel on this. I've always really struggled with feeling selfish, or like I have no right to ask for a comment. I still can put myself down and feel incredibly guilty, especially about that constantly asked about fic. Feel like I should take the likes and update asks with a smile because "that means they like it, obviously, they're asking for more, right?" I don't think people not actively creating and posting get it, and you truly put it into words in a way I've struggled with for years.

I'm new here, and still playing through the game and all, but please know at least I see you. I appreciate all the hard work you do and put in. You don't owe any of anything, and I'm so grateful for anything you choose to share with us. I think a lot of people underestimate how intimate sharing our writing is.

Also appreciate you mentioning the difference in respect between fanartists and fanwriters. SO many people think "Anyone can write." and we get belittled so much faster for offering commissions too. It takes just as much skill, whether people believe that or not.

Just...thanks. For real. You've given me a lot to consider as I work on transferring my new blog over and I appreciate it more than you know. ❤️ -S

That genuinely means a lot, it's an honour to have even meant something to anyone at all.

Especially someone struggling with the same thing I am. Thank you for taking the time to write and tell me this, i never thought anyone would bother to read my rant or take it seriously.

I relate to a lot of the things you've just described, it's really horrible how the world can twist something we love and are passionate for into something that hurts us instead. I'm never forgiving anyone who made me feel anxious about writing a story I was excited about or for posting something knowing instead of feedback I'd be met with asks about updating the more popular story.

And I'm happy to hear that you take commissions, just to make it clear I'm totally against the whole "mixing money with art makes it lose meaning" fiasco. I think it's stupid and people who claim that they don't understand that you can never put art in a box or steal its meaning away, that artists are people who need to eat and pay their bills too.

Your writing more than deserves money, it's something intimate that we pour our heart into, that we take parts of our life experience and memories and put it in the story to give it its own life.

Fuck anyone who thinks writing is below art, just because it's written words. They never consider the planning, creativity, writing style and experience, the research, plot and energy it takes.

If anything at least you can draw and paint while listening to music or watching youtube, you can let your hand go on autopilot every now and then. With writing it's one of those jobs you can't distract your mind from, you have to be present and you have to focus on every word and line, consider every dialogue option and every descriptive word, it's draining mentally and takes so much focus.

Both art and writing are important, all artists deserve respect and compensation for their work. People are getting too comfortable demanding work that takes literal hours from your life for free or a low price, a work they'll consume so quickly and never give a second thought to.

I hope things get better for both you and me, I hope we find readers who appreciate us for who we are, who actually respect and value our work instead of consuming it mindlessly, who understand what it takes to create and the amount of time we're giving out for free.

Who realise that taking 10 or 5 minutes to write a comment under a fic and phrase it politely isn't that hard, how it's literally all we ask for because it means the world to see someone appreciate our effort.

Good luck on your new blog <3 Close the requests whenever you want and open them whenever you want. Write how you want to, and please don't let anyone steal the joy of writing away from you.

[msookyspooky]

Spooky!!!!! Can you plz share your thoughts on Neve Campbell returning to scream? 👀

(Sorry if you've answered this already!)

Ps I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE ur series so much - ur writing is SOOOO good 🥹 The last chapter tore out my HEART but has me kicking my feet GIGGLING at the same time - I genuinely wish u the absolute best bc you are AMAZING ��

OMG THANK YOU!! I appreciate that especially since I was lowkey a bit weary of even adding Billy and YN at the end but damn we're 4 books in this has to happen eventually 😭🥴 I swear that the latest chapter is actually done (Just proofreading) but the plot is so heavy so damn 'wtf' that I'm writing the next chapter because I wanna make sure this pieces together smoothly cause there is no going back afterwards. So I swear I ain't dragging my feet TOO much 😅 But I'm giddy and nervous to post bc omg I don't think yall are ready 😗🤭

That is...just complicated. I love the idea of Sidney returning but not for this movie simply because of how they handled Melissa. Idc what side of the aisle you're on firing someone for speaking their mind on their Insta instead of being a meek media darling will always rub me the wrong way.

ANNNNDDD these Producers and Executives have lowkey butchered Scream in so many ways since Wes Craven passed and the fact that they made Sidney have less screen time in 5 not only for ageism in my humble opinion and money hungry greed to replace her with younger actresses no one asked for (Sorry I was all pissed they killed Dewey just to replace him with Chad even if I love Chad and got rid of Neve for the sake of 'new chapter' bs with a Billy's daughter trope if they were gonna do that they should've went with Scream 4's original plot IMO OR Sidney's daughters and Mark etc)

THEN by 6 we got very use to them and Sam became a beloved character that we could live with her and Tara being the new final girls just to shitcan them (Jenna walked from what I remember good for her) over an opinion that wasn't stated rudely or anything just talking about the kids involved in this war and they treat her as badly as they did Neve cutting Neve's pay and tossing her aside just for Neve to agree to come back???

Man, I'm sorry I am not a Neve lover nor hater but my pride could never. Guess that's why I'm not in Hollywood or loaded bc I would NEVER sign onto a movie that publicly humiliated me by basically saying I'm not worth the pay, then treating a younger co-star so poorly, then signing back on because they paid me what I should've probably gotten paid in the first place. My Manager and PR team could bite me...Probably why I'm a struggling artist instead lol

I do not hate Neve for this choice because ik money is money but it's disappointing.

And honestly? I have BEEN vocal how Scream 5 is by far my least favorite and they suckered us in with nostalgia and Scream 6 was GREAT except for the ending with the killers being so...Wattpad to be blunt coming from a wattpad fanfic writer. Hate or love Jill Roberts but she was a great Ghostface and it's so OBVIOUS what movies Craven worked on versus not. The killers in 6 COULD have been great too had it not been for them related to Richie (Who is my least favorite GF by far) and how fanfiction both latest installments feel with reveals. Scream 3 did too but Scream 3 purposely did not take itself seriously while 5 and 6 did except for Mindy as comic relief.

Of course this is my opinion and thank you for asking I'm honored you wanna hear my rinky dink opinion but I am not looking forward to 7. Scream 6 may not be my favorite but it is top 3 for me up until the reveal and Sam letting go of the mask and choosing a path to the future feels like the perfect ending! Franchise is done! Move on!

These movies are not like Friday the 13th of TCM with new victims these are stories tying in the victims and making 7 with the political climate rn and how they got rid of THE TWO NEW FINAL GIRLS just to beg Sidney to make a comback while probably having the safest most generic plot with how many changes they probably had to make after the characters were gotten rid of.

I'm just not hyped for Scream 7 and probably won't watch it. Ya know, all good things have to come to an end. Even this fic in time has to end. And I think the execs bit off more than they can chew and are backpedaling instead of doing the reasonable thing and canceling and I hate that Neve and some writers etc are on board still

And let's be real; Scream is getting less believable with tech. 96? Yeah, I could see it! 2000's? Sure! But 2020 onward? With smartphones and smarthomes and ringdoorbells and dna collected its time to say good bye to something that has to move on! Scream 6 did a descent job with the multiple GF and Scream 4 despite me not liking it they did it best as far as preparing future Scream for the murders. Not to get away with it but to be caught and sell the footage. They SERIOUSLY could've ended at 4 and I would accept it :/

But whatever, they're still decent movies but 7 is just one I have no interest in truly watching. For me personally but thank you for asking and listening to me rant and hopefully if you want cheesy overdone meta tropes my fic will do the trick rather than the movies 😅🤞🖤

[agentplutonium]

Fic WIPs I want to post in 2024

I wanna hold myself accountable more than anything so here's some fics/concepts I want to write in 2024. I don't know if any of them will get done we'll have to see.

1. Like Real People Do

This is kind of a cheat since I already started it, but I really want to finish this fic in 2024. It has been in progress since last September. I love it it is my child however it is time for this guy to get off of my wiplist. It's already 35 k, and we're still six (+?) chapters away from the end. If any of my wips are getting finished this one is a priority.

2. Biting the Hand That Feeds

This fic I just started last? month? something like that, but where its shorter and I like the concept there is a high chance that I will finish it. It's a Milo/Sweetheart 1920's AU that Dizz introduced me too that I am putting my own spin on. I am actually in love with the concept and I wanna see if I can get that whole "can't be together but like fuck do I care" vibe down since this is the first time that I'm properly writing it ^^

3. Milo/Sweetheart Mafia AU

This one is another one that is probably (hopefully) going to be done sooner rather than later. Veau actually handed me this concept attached to Copacabana (at Copa) by Barry Manilow and I am so excited to play with it. The song in general fascinates me, I liked it before now but I listened again a few nights ago while we were talking about it and really listened to the lyrics and it has such a fascinating story it tells. I haven't picked out the themes I would be writing JUST yet (I just started developing it on the 24th) but there's probably gonna be something there.

4. My Tank fic that is based on songs from Stick Seasons (We'll All Be Here Forever) by Noah Kahn

This one is pretty self-explanatory, but the concept fascinates me. Ever since that album came out I have never been able to detach it from Tank no matter how hard I try. So, the natural response is to write a fic until I hate myself (/lh/j). It would revolve around the relationship that Tank & Milo/Sweetheart would have before, during, and after Quinncident/Darlin moving away. This one has themes of different connections on person can have, and how those connections can age as someone grows up and changes, and what its like to navigate someone returning after so long and changing so much.

5. My SpiderSneaks AU

this is just me indulging in my other hyper-fixations. In this fic, I'd be taking the plot of The Amazing Spider-Man and twisting it to fit into Milo/Sweetheart. I forget what other details I have, but it's a concept I've been sitting on for a while. I'm just obsessed with spiderman guys that's really the only reason this exists. However I would love to write out themes of the struggle between purpose and love/happiness. I feel like that's a fitting thing to imbed into a spiderman au that doubles as a milo/sweetheart fic. The two of them are easily put into that "must do good" role, and their relationship seems to balance that out a little bit, but I kinda want to play with it in regards to Sweetheart.

6. The Milo/Sweetheart intimacy fic. (the one talked about in this post. )

This kinda ties into me pushing my aspec!Sweetheart agenda, but the idea of writing a fic that shows the intimacy and love these two share without defaulting to a sexual encounter is so fascinating to me. I would put SO MUCH into that fic guys you don't understand. I need it. It's not even "oh this would be cool to write" its "I NEED to write this to satiate my soul."

I do have other wips I want to work on but they're smaller and will probably act as buffers between the bigger ones. I hope I can get most of them done, especially the unfinished fics because I hate having unfinished projects. However there are themes I would love to explore in the not started ones that might convince me to start writing it ^^

[apricusapollo]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

thanks for the tag @babygirlbridger 🤭💞

1.) How many works do you have on ao3?

40 🚶🏻‍♀️ I am supposed to have more but I archived some a while ago because they were so bad

2.) What’s your ao3 word count?

572,080

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

I've written for haikyuu but I'm not really in that fandom anymore so now I mainly write for star wars & red white and royal blue. occasionally marauders fandom too.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

paper rings - jegulus

somethin' stupid (like, "I love you") - jegulus

english lover affair - firstprince

golden says of yore - jegulus

running through rose thorns - firstprince

6.) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

definitely until the sunrise hold me tight. sometimes I wonder what I was high on when I wrote that.

7.) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

paper rings <33

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

nope, never gotten it.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I started a while ago and it's lowkey soo fun ngl 🤭 I usually used to avoid writing it but. not anymore.

10.) Do you write cross overs? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

oh boy. I used to. my very first famous fanfic was called fragile world. used to post it on Instagram and wattpad. it included *clears throat* shadowhunters, glee, 13 reasons why, skam, eyewitness 🧍🏻‍♀️ but in my defense I was, what, 12-13? I have CHANGED.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yeaa it was kiss in the kitchen. someone reposted it on wattpad without my permission and gabby found it and told me. they did take it down after I told them to tho.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

YEAH!! made me so happy.

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

well usually me and yana come up with the plot of my fics together sometimes. there's this one jegulus fic based on a couple of hamilton songs I wanna write and yana came up with more than half of the plot so yeah!! that counts!!

14.) What’s your all time favourite ship?

I think firstprince. they're just so. *muffled sobs*

15.) What’s a WIP you’d like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

in 2021 I started writing iwaoi attack on titan au. I had outline ready, I wrote 2 chapters out of 5 and all of that. then I never continued it. it still exists in my docs but I forgot half of the plot so I doubt I'll ever finish and post it but who knows. never say never.

16.) What are your writing strengths?

writing angst?? Idk I think I'm quite good at that for a girl who has never had her heart broken (in a romantic sense)

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

DESCRIPTIONS. god I HATE describing things. I'd rather die than describe anything.

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I mean, I don't think I'll succeed (unless it's in georgian which is my native language) and considering that I mess up english sometimes, maybe it's for the best if I just stick to one language 😭😭

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

one direction. I was 9 y/o. write it in a notebook with a sparkly pen. it was called "love."

20.) Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I have a couple so here's the list idc

paper rings

english love affair

sacred touches & wasted days

the end is here

better than revenge ('cause he's like so whatever)

champagne problems

(I'm too lazy to attach links to all of them so here's my ao3)

again, I hate tagging people so pls do this if u wanna mwah<3

[veterveter]

2022 Writers' Review

I was tagged by @lavandulacosmos - thank you most kindly!!! 🥺💕

1. What is your AO3 account?

Call me by my name - it's veterveter

2. How many words did you write total in 2022?

Ao3 says 58,634, and I wanna say Google Docs has maybe 25k more. I didn't actually write that much stuff that I didn't end up publishing, this time. Also, I didn't write almost anything for the first half of the year - I almost thought I was cured of my hyperfixation, had other things in my life, and then??? Idk, I was hit by the idea of romanticising summer in a fic format, and it was all downhill from there again.

3. How many fics did you publish in 2022? How many multichapters vs oneshots?

6, and they were all one-shots, because if I write something chaptered again... yell at me, for I'll probably never finish it.

4. What was your longest fic? Your shortest?

controtempo was the longest at 14,600 words, realistically I could've probably written more of it if it weren't for working on a deadline etc. But I think it's a pretty good version of itself, not to mention that there's sometimes a certain sense of artistry in having to cut these things a little short. Stops one from meandering too much. Anyway, a fire in the flask was the shortest, at 4,441.

5. What was your most popular fic? Your least popular fic?

swimming with the sharks (until we drown) and a fire in a flask, respectively. Both deserved, I think.

6. What fic didn’t perform as well as you thought it would?

Eh, no such thing this time! They got what they deserved.

7. What fic performed way better than you thought it would?

swimming with the sharks (until we drown) - I've come around to thinking it's pretty good, but I had such stress about whether anyone would like it when I posted it, so. Stepping out of one's comfort zone is very difficult.

8. What was your favorite fic you wrote from 2022?

controtempo!! That was a labour of love, it was my preferred storytelling style and obviously there's something special about writing for a dear friend, so. But I'll give an honorary mention to the only thing that's ever stopping me is me - as previously mentioned, it dragged me back to the whole writing thing, and I'll admit it's been nice. And for artistic merit, I'd say a form of divine drunkenness. There was something quite poetic about it, to me, and I think it was... It was kinda cool.

9. What was your favorite fic that somebody else wrote in 2022?

That would be what we do in the dark by @sorrydearie. I don't suppose I've anything to say about it that I haven't already said in several different fonts formats and mediums, but I really love that one. 🔪

10. Tag your friends to do this year-end fic review as well!

I've seen this doing the rounds for a while now but if you wanna do it, consider yourself tagged! ❤️

[onbearfeet]

1. Times New Roman, 12-point, double-spaced. It's effectively invisible to me, so I can focus on the words and not the letters.

2. I started out handwriting everything. I could do it again if I had a steady supply of comfortable pens. Unfortunately, my go-to was recently discontinued and I'm looking for a replacement.

3. I write when I'm home alone or when my roommate is asleep. I've always been a late-night writer...as in, staying up until 2 am to write novels at age 13.

4. "Alright". IT IS TWO WORDS AND A FINE HILL TO DIE ON IF I HAVE TO.

5. Never edit in the same format you wrote in. Also, the steel wastebasket and WW2-surplus office chair I inherited from my grandmother are writer-magic.

6. That I'll never stop being crap at it. (Doesn't matter that lots of people say I'm not actually crap. *I* know better.)

7. Rereading something I wrote and getting so absorbed in it that I forget what I was supposed to be doing (usually cleaning).

8. Tough choice. I think I'd flip a coin, and then reinterpret a fairytale.

9. I do not believe in ghosts except for the one ghost that visited me one time. But that was my grandmother, and I'm pretty sure she's her own category of entity.

10. Hahahahaha I literally have nightmares about my old work. Not least because my first novel netted me a stalker who's still popping up to ruin my day over a decade later. (Hi, this is a pseudonym.)

11. I am pretty ruthless. But some of my darlings do ACTUALLY go to a nice farm upstate, and sometimes they wander home again later on.

12. That something I write be loved by good people for many years after I'm gone; that something I write bring me financial stability (it needn't be the same something); that I write something that leaves the world better than I found it.

13. Sex is hard. Fights are easy. I'm aware of the absurdity.

14. I lend a lot of books, but I never lend a book I'm not willing to lose. I do lose a lot of them. Sometimes they come back.

15. I don't write in or dog-ear books unless it's a proof copy I'm marking up. I don't mind other people who do, so long as they don't do it in other people's books without permission. I would read in the bath if I had a bathtub. I think reading in the shower is ill-advised. We can still be friends as long as you don't maul my books.

16. A wooden marionette dressed as a clown.

17. Two of my leads, Maggie and Gabe, have entire backstories that just won't fit (and in Maggie's case, she doesn't know because it all happened before she was two). I know how Maggie's parents met, but it's just not narratively relevant; sometimes even crappy histories like hers aren't dramatic. Gabe, meanwhile, has TONS of drama and remembers it all when he tries but almost none of it matters to the story. Oh, and I know who his aunt is, but you'll never meet her.

18. In the first chapter of the book, Maggie interrupts some fash who are harassing a woman on the street for not "respecting" them. I've gotten some pushback from the more conservative members of my writing group who think it's "unrealistic" to have random street Nazis in my world and also to have them harassing people. I take a certain bitter pride in pointing out that 1) the scene is taken pretty closely from an incident documented by the US State Department in Berlin in 1933; all I did was change the location and let Maggie kick them in the head, and 2) we literally HAVE fascist street gangs in the US now, there's one that hangs out in the next neighborhood over from me, and this story is semi-post-apocalyptic, so if anything I'm letting people off easy.

19. I began making up stories when I was 3 and writing them down when I was 5. I accidentally started a cult in high school when other people got hold of my notebooks. Then I picked up a stalker, had to burn down my life to escape him, and am now reestablishing myself under a pseudonym. I just wanna tell fun lil stories that also jab certain people and societal forces in the eye; is that so wrong?

20. The one true love. I've learned to be satisfied with the results of hard work on my writing, but I'm acespec and I'm hot garbage at anything related to sex or romance. Magical assistance would be great, thank you.

21. I've gotten depressed enough to put it aside for a while. But it always comes back.

22. Notebooks, plus a sketchbook with little bits of index card stuck to the pages with poster putty. It sounds very organized. It is not.

23. Right now, I sit in a squishy beige recliner with my crappy kids' laptop, Potato, balanced on a lap desk. My mug of tea is at my left elbow, ALMOST out of reach, because I can't be assed to move it closer or to my dominant side. I'm in my living room, with a slightly busted beige couch along the wall to my left, a scarred coffee table in front of me, and my roommate's flat-screen to my right. I face my balcony door, which is usually open with the screen shut so I can hear the little fake streak burbling and eavesdrop on my neighbors.

24. The length of my prep is roughly proportionate to the planned length of my story. I like prepping; I learn a lot from it, and then throw most of it out.

25. Gabe likes black licorice.

26. I just kind of...hear voices and feel them? It's like sitting beside someone on a loveseat, but also 1/3 of your body shares space with 1/3 of theirs. It's blurry, is what it is. I don't usually regret going in there because my own head is worse.

27. A genderswapped reinterpretation of Sherlock Holmes. The OG looms large in my childhood imagination, and even though I'm one of those people who gets called smart before we're called anything else, writing super-smart characters is hard for me. How deep into the weeds can I get before I lose the audience? Herlock (not her name) lived in that gray zone and was MISERABLE about it. All my childhood neurodivergent isolation welled up in her. It was rough.

28. I haven't actually written her down yet. She's currently called the Bear Mother. She's like a warm cup of tea sitting in a corner of my brain.

29. Things just ... happen to me. I've lived and read enough that my brain is full of random bits of knowledge and experience and they all collide sometimes. Moat often the trigger is someone asking me a question or telling me I can't do something.

30. I've read in dreams, but not written. And yes, I've used my dreams in my writing. I have a recurring nightmare that informs the aesthetic of a Very Bad Place in one of my stories. If you're reading something of mine and you see chessboard floor tiles or white walls with black wrought-iron decor, be afraid.

31. Thank you. You are Best Humans, and the bears love you, each and every one. 💜

32. All of Nation by Terry Pratchett. I won't choose.

33. I sew, draw, paint, and bake. And yes, particularly the sewing. Every outfit my characters fight in CAN be fought in.

34. You don't have to use it in every circumstance because it's not always strictly necessary, but also excuse you sir that is my emotional support punctuation.

35. Minimum paragraph length? Kiss my ass. I will have paragraphs less than one word long and the words won't even be in the dictionary.

36. Lots of things, most of them strange and all of them terrifying if you think long enough about them. But for a short list: American evangelicalism, archery, quilting, how to swear in at least 12 languages, how to perform a convincing (and quick) fake exorcism (ritual also works as a curse), Shakespeare, teddy-bear design, the history of carousel horses, and how to make friends with wolves.

37. "Some writers have issues; this one had longboxes."

38. I use what I call a socratic process, in which I ask myself a series of questions and then write down both the question and the answer. I frequently argue woth myself, which makes the results ... interesting to read.

39. The belief that someone out there needs it. There's such a thing as the right book for the right person at the right time, and the idea of having that book and not setting it free to find its person horrifies me.

40. "Bone to ash and soul to sky;/One to scatter, one to fly." -The start of the best poem I've ever written, from a book that will never be published now. I'm still glad I wrote it, though, and Peter Beagle said he liked that line.

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

[dashawfrostart]

This Week In "Time & Again" #10: Colours Are Getting Colourful, Indeed!

So, just as promised and exactly as planned, I'm working on the colouring for Chapter 5. And boy, it goes very well now, let me tell you! In fact, it goes so fantastically well, I honestly don't even wanna be here right now writing this post that most people will not even bother reading (we live in the age of Likes and Emojis, after all, so longreads are usually not welcome... but see if I care!), and I just want to keep working on the colouring. Just like I do almost every day, almost non-stop. Quite possibly over 40 hours a week. And I'm not even getting paid for it. That's dedication, innit?.. But making another post on how it is going, even if there's not much to tell aside from an incredibly simple and modest yet surprisingly descriptive "'Iz gude!" (pardon my Scottish, ahem), is kind of a moral obligation for me. I decided that I'm gonna make posts about the progress - so that decision should be carried on with.

So... yes, iz goin' gude! 🤣

This time I did not bother trying to decide what approach to use in colouring the characters. I decided to aim for the same simplistic way of colouring from Chapter 4, with a lack of shading. "Atlantis" is still one of my greatest artistic inspirations, and the masterly executed balance of visual simplicity and skillful complexity in the art style of that movie is something that drives me to keep working on my own style, to strive to achieve a similar effect, because this is what I want my work to be like, too. Of course, a little experiment will also take place in Chapter 5, since I don't like my visual works to feel static and inanimate. But I'm not going to tell what exactly it will be yet. You will see. It's going to be something very obvious and easy to notice, for I've never done anything like that in any of my previous works. 😉

The question of backgrounds tho, contrary to the character colouring method, is a much, much trickier question. With every new chapter in development, I ask myself how to draw and colour the backgrounds in such a way that it's in harmony with the characters, but allows them to also stand out - but not too much (otherwise there's no harmony). And this question has not been answered fully by me. I keep experimenting. I'm still searching. For now and for this particular chapter, however, it all seems pretty straightforward to me. I opted for a simple background with a little bit of a painted, splattered "texture" to it. And I achieve this effect through layering colours and the texture with specific settings, usually using Soft Light (SVG) blending mode for the dark parts. And if I need an even darker shade - I put an additional black rectangle on top of it and play with its opacity until I get the desired effect. ("A very LARGE gif below" warning!)

For the obvious reason of spoiler avoidance, I will refrain from further explanation and I'll limit my demonstration primarily with the textual description, for now. But, just as proposed long ago, I am indeed still planning on creating a WIP thread on Krita forum. Your horribly introverted and seriously muse possessed dear artist simply should take a break from colouring everything like an obsessed maniac and finally get the Sch***e done. Eventually 😁

There's something else interesting I wanted to note before wrapping it up for today. Something somewhat technical.

Because I have increased the page size for the last 4 chapters of my crazy endeavour, suddenly I remembered that I also need to rescale the rest of the pages that serve as - as I call them - "framing materials" for the chapters. And that includes (and, as you may guess - but not limited to): the cover art, the background for all kinds of bonus materials, the back design (for potential printing on paper), the chapter title page, Vorsatz und Nachsatz, the credits page, and, of course, the Characters' IDs page... Yup, all of that stuff required to get the higher resolution variations, exactly 1/3 larger size of the original. And I forgot about it at first. I guess, my idea to turn it into a webcomic prevailed and befogged my consciousness ever so slightly. Or a lot. Not sure. But the fact is, that just slipped my mind.

Of course, a poor designer in my could've just enlarged the already existing pages by 33% to get the expected result in a few clicks hassle-free. But that's only the poor designer. Because everybody who tried to draw at least something digitally in their lives would know that that would only destroy the quality of the artworks. And that is totally unacceptable for me. And I'm no poor designer. "Time & Again" is awesome. No sloppiness allowed, I says. This is why I needed to redo everything layer by layer, file by file in higher resolution. It was that clear. Am I being too techy? Well, deal with it 😎.

But good thing I'm so practical: I already had all of the elements drawn in higher resolutions than needed. And those I didn't have - they were all vector-based, so they didn't even need any extra work. Good job, me! 😁 The moral of the story is simple: dear artists, whenever you work on something like that, just make higher resolution drawings - just in case, even if you don't need them that large for your particular current tasks. Because you might need the larger art in the future. Because who knows? What if you go crazy and haphazardly decide to up the resolution for everything, like it happened to me? This is something that I also learnt from the videogame development tutorials, and that was quite an obvious idea, now that I'm thinking about it. Drawing everything in twice the resolution you need is a truly good advice. Surely, it might save you from a lot of frustration.

But back to my circus and my monkeys. Since I always make all the geometric elements for the page designs in Inkscape, it was simply a matter of a couple clicks to re-save my older page outlines and templates in higher resolution. The same goes with text. I love vector stuffz 🤩 The only page I needed to tinker with a bit longer than everything else was the Characters' IDs page. This is my vector template:

From today's perspective, I do not understand why it was made this way - can't be responsible for my past self, right? right???... - but the colouring of the Characters' IDs was done in Krita instead of Inkscape. Which is a bit absurd, because I used simple gradients to fill in each of the "character cards" individually. And I could've easily done it in Inkscape, too. But to save myself some time, I decided not to unravel that twisted ball of yarn and did the same: coloured them all in Krita. Again. Because why not? - it's extremely easy. However, I have discovered imperfections that I was able to remove in this "new, hi-res edition".

Each "character card" has an inner circle of solid colour around the character's portrait. And apparently, in all 4 of the previous chapters, those were not aligned properly. The screenshot above demonstrates that: once I copy-pasted the new template on top of the old one for comparison, the placements of the inner circles did not match (the black one is the perfectly aligned new circle; the pink parts sticking out from behind it are the parts of the old and misaligned circle from the previous chapters). Of course, I seriously doubt it anybody would stare and measure how precise I am down to the pixel... But this time to me this misalignment was pretty obvious. And the puny perfectionist in me raged. A lot.

So that has been fixed. Hurrah for Align and Distribute options in Inkscape 😁 Remember this, pals: Align and Distribute are women's best friends - not dogs, not diamonds, and... definitely not what the rest of the internet suggests. Yikes. (and to be fair, Align and Distribute should be the best friend of everybody, not only women! Honest!!!)

Again, because I drew all the character portraits in significantly higher resolution than needed long ago, I just copy-pasted and rescaled them to the right size. And then... after a few sessions of copy-pasting and rescaling, everything was done and ready to go!

And for now that is probably enough. Once I stop colouring for a while next time, I'll drop by again to write another one typical - and perhaps, somewhat techy as usual - longread that some of you might be interested in. But for now - bah-byes, and cheer up! Valentine's Day is soon, and spring is just around the corner. Be happy just like Jeanny! See you soon! 👋

[stormy333]

Bible Talk

Hello Loves!!!

I won't bore you with a long boring intro but I will get straight to the point. Let's talk Psalms~~

A few days ago a friend asked what my favorite book in the I wanna say new testament but it might have been the whole bible either way it got me thinking well I feel like thats an understatement. More like obsessively reflect about it for days on end, until it came to me. It's the book that has it all, it seems. Well honestly I spend the most time free reading as I like to call it (randomly selecting verses) in Psalms, my go to for anything really, Psalm 91 is great for nightmares (old Isaacs' family tradition or remedy I suppose), Psalm 139 is oddly soothing for me (I am not really sure why to be honest with you), then of course there's chapter 1 of Psalms. The whole point is that there are so many things in Psalms that makes it so amazing and powerful. Jonah is a pretty powerful book to. The book of Matthew is also amazing and powerful, it also carries the story of our Savior's birth; the whole bible is powerful but specifically these catch my attention all the time. We aren't going to be talking about Matthew or Jonah however if you are wondering if we named my cat Jonah after the Jonah from the bible the answer is yes and also I could write you a hilarious blog as to how that came about but back to the topic of discussion; Which bible book is my favorite? The answer is quite simple it is Psalms. In particular one chapter holds my mind these days; Psalm 139

(Check out the link to the chapter and such)

I feel it is important to define the word Psalm before moving forward with this post, so here you go. The word Psalm is defined as two things, [(1) "a sacred song or hymn, in particular any of those contained in the biblical book of Psalms and used in Christian and Jewish worship." (2) "A book of the bible comprising a collection of religious verses, sung or recited in both Jewish and Christian worship. Many are traditionally ascribed to King David."]

Now that we have defined the word Psalm(s) let's dig into this chapter. Chapter 139 of 150 chapters. Let's start with my favorite (also the scariest at least for me) part of this chapter.

O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. ~ Psalm 139:1 KJV

 Why is it my favorite you ask? Because it is just the start of the list, it keeps going. It gets more in depth! This verse it's just the beginning!

What's so scary about it you ask? Well for one God searched me, and all of us and he knows us. He KNOWS us. Everything. Our thoughts, what we are going to say, or don't say but feel. He is all knowing and it's comforting but also scary. Bruh I don't know about you but I can think some pretty awful things at times. Much like everyone else in this world I also tend to say those awful thoughts occasionally. Also those thoughts are like at their worst probably burn me at the stake worthy, then there's the mid-level aka just jail time maybe? and lastly we have lowest level demons which will probably just get me smacked in the head? Yeeha so definitely scary to think He knows it ALL, but silver lining He loves us anyways?!

Let's dig into the deeper parts of this Psalm. The reasons I find it SO VERY poetic...

(1) O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.(2) Thou knowest my downsetting and mine uprising, thou understandeth my thought afar off. (3) Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. (4) For there is no word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. (5) Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. (6) Such knowledge is to wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. (7) Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? (8) If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. (9) If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; (10) Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. (11) If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the light about me. (12) Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. (13) For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. (14) I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. (15) My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. (16) Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in all thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. (17) How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! (18) If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake I am still with thee. (19) Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. (20) For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. (21) Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am I not grieved with those who rise up against thee? (22) I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. (23) Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: (24) And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

 Yes, yes I know I quoted the whole chapter. Fun stuff but let's dive deeper. Also yes I find this whole chapter very poetic and amazing and rad! Anyways get your gear we're going diving!!!

Let's take a look at verse 5. "Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me." So we already know David is talking about the Lord, but what is he saying in this particular verse? Usually talking about God's hand being over us is a symbol of protection. From there we can use basic knowledge of context clues and common sense to figure this out. Beset has two definitions [(1) (of a problem or difficulty) trouble or threaten persistently. (2) be covered or studded with.] Now that we have defined the word beset we can move forward. I should also mention that the definition we are using for beset in this verse is definition number two to be covered or studded with.

Now we know that "thou" is referring to God. Beset in this particular verse is talking about being covered, then we know that talking about God's hand being "laid upon" us means a protection barrier right? Time for context clues... "Thou hast beset me behind and before"  behind and before? What's that mean? Think about it while we move further on then we'll discuss it again.

Okay so let's skip a few verses ahead and look at 7-13;

[(7) Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? (8) If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. (9) If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; (10) Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. (11) If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the light about me. (12) Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. (13) For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.]

Here David is talking about how God is everywhere. So this is where we backtrack to verse 3 where David mentions God being "acquainted with all my ways"

.....

Not only is God all knowing but he is also EVERYWHERE. Not only does God just know of us, because there's a MAJOR difference BUT God knows us and is acquainted with us and our ways! WOW! Billion dollar thing right here, not only is he acquainted with our ways and not only does he know us inside out/ upside down and sideways He MADE US!!! We could go on and on for absolute ages quoting verses that support David's claim of to say it simply God knowing all and being everywhere, but I don't really feel drawn that direction. He loves us the way we are. All of our flaws. He LOVES us.

This passage give me comfort when all I have are questions, I don’t quiet get it but this passage expresses a lot to me and I wanted to share it with you all and I hope you all got something from it. I love you all, have a good day/nigh whenever you are reading this!

As always stay safe and until next time!

Hailey Marie

[aberooski]

Since today is Thanksgiving and all that, I'm thankful for the conversation I had with my sister yesterday that led to me figuring out a lot of stuff for my Stormshipping Cinderella au so I can start writing it a lot sooner than I thought I would because I'm slow as shit. Chazzerella is on the horizon! Next year babes 👀

[mythicalmxyhem]

Personal rant incoming, it's very long and may be a bit incoherent:

As a younger Gen Z, I relate to this HARD. I'm less than a month away from graduating high school, and I mostly just feel nothing. Maybe slight relief, but sometimes dread overtakes that numb feeling. Sure, I'll have more freedom in college or whatever, but will I really? I'll still have classes and a shit ton of homework, but now I have to prepare for my future. For my jobs. How much control will these corporations try to exact over my personal life? I can never post anything on personal social media, I might ruin some corporation's image in the future! I can't do anything too rebellious like *gasp* dye my hair a super bright color or wear ripped fishnets, corporations won't hire me! That would be bad, because I need internships and jobs for experience! I won't get hired during/after college without experience! I can't hang out anywhere, or I'll either get shot for trespassing or get the cops called on me for loitering! I can't have my own opinions or disagree with any adults because that would be bad and rebellious, and I'm just a stupid teenager!

I doubt I'll get to have my "teenage" years, even in college.

I live in a typical suburb, complete with a communal swimming pool and HOA. We have Christmas and Halloween decorating competitions, and we do a 4th of July celebration every year. The neighbors are (mostly) really nice. I live five minutes away from a grocery store and my high school. There's several other neighborhoods in the area. There's a few restaurants, both chain and local, near us. Sounds like a nice and lively community, right? Wrong.

I never see a lot of activity. I don't know if that's just because I don't get out much, but I just don't see anything. Sure, there's the occasional kids playing basketball or riding bikes together, but that's only when the weather's warmer. When I was younger, I used to bounce around between my friends' houses all the time, basically just doing whatever we wanted. We'd usually have to stay inside because a neighbor would inevitable complain about noise. (We could never go to other neighborhoods though, because then, we'd have to be on the roads. There were no fucking sidewalks in reasonable places.) Then, my mom would call my cellphone whenever it was time to come home. I had a cellphone at a young age for other reasons.

Now, though? I feel like I don't have any time or energy. Scratch that, I know I don't have any. Almost all of it is consumed by school or preparing for the vague future. Wake up, still tired, at 6:50 am. Get ready and then drive to school at 8 am. Classes from 8:30 am to 3:30 pm. Half of my classes are in windowless rooms. Everyone else, even the teachers, are as fucking miserable as I am. (One of the most common phrases I hear at school is some variation of "I wanna kill myself.") Get out of class at 3:30 and wait in the parking lot till 4 pm because trying to get through dismissal traffic sucks ass. Get home and take a shower at around 4:30 pm if I don't have anything else for the day. Do homework until dinner is called between 5 and 6 pm. If it's Tuesday or Thursday, I leave for karate class at 5:45 pm and come back at 7:50 pm. Karate is one of the very few weekday activities I actually enjoy. If my homework still isn't done (and it usually isn't because I get so fucking much), I continue that. Go to "bed" between 9 and 10 pm, but I usually stay up much later because it's the only time I have to myself. Rinse and repeat for every week day.

Weekends aren't much better. I do homework because I probably still have a fuck ton of it. Half of it isn't even from my hard AP classes. If I don't have homework, I just spend the weekend recuperating from the week.

I never have time or energy for my hobbies anymore. I've been writing a fanfic for almost two years and only have five short completed chapters posted. The rest of the fic is just comprised of jumbled notes and out of order chapters in my Google Docs. Outside of my art classes, I haven't picked up a paint brush in literal years at this point. I haven't read a book for fun since middle school, even though I love reading. I haven't used my camera since middle school. I've been meaning to try a resin kit, build a music box, make jewelry, and so much more. I just can't. I'm either too busy when I have motivation or I'm too tired. So I just end up rotting in my bed, mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr or YouTube or AO3 while vowing to myself that I'll do that eventually, I'll try this sometime soon, I'll work on that, I'll make this. And then I never do.

Last year, in my Junior year, it was ACT prep. (For reference, southern US states usually take the ACT instead of the SAT. In my state, taking the ACT is a graduation requirement.) I spent EVERY fucking weekend of December to March in 2023 prepping for my ACT. I got a score of 31, which is good, but not good enough for many of the colleges I wanted. Then I spent every fucking weekend of April to June prepping for the ACT AGAIN because I wanted to improve my score. I got a 31 again. Keep in mind, I did this on top of prepping for my class exams.

Then, in the summer, I spent the entire time writing my Common App college essay, doing this year's summer work (which included writing several essays), and doing my Girl Scout Gold Award community service project. The Gold Award is essentially the Girl Scout version of Eagle Scouts. It requires 80 hours of service. I'm very passionate about the topic I chose, but I also did it because it looks good on applications. Everything we do has to be based on how good it looks on our applications.

When my senior year started in August, I didn't have high hopes. Up to this point, my friends never texted me about hanging out because we were all always busy.

Whenever we did have time, it was usually just wandering around the mall our parents drove us to, maybe buying a few things. We all hate driving on the interstate, so we don't go to the mall often. I've been driving for two years now, but it just sucks. I still feel like I can't go anywhere. Everyone drives like they're out to kill me, and gas is expensive as fuck. My hatred of driving aside, there just isn't anything interesting that can be accessed via walking.

Nobody trusts each other either. Asking new friends to do anything with me is a fucking drag because all the parents have to do extensive background checks on each other. Like safety, I get it, but we don't live in the fucking Thunderdome. And because we have to drive everywhere, there has to be at least one person who can drive, and that someone has to be trusted by all the parents to drive their kids.

In terms of how much school work I have, I feel more fucked over than ever. I have three (3) AP classes this year and I regret it. AP Lang & Comp is fine, I don't know how I'm doing in AP Physics because the teacher hasn't graded any fucking tests, and I'm barely passing AP Calc. Pretty sure I'd be failing Calc without the extra credit assignments. I've had to finish writing my Common App college essay, write 80 million supplemental college essays, and write 80 million scholarship essays, ALL while keeping on top of my school work, volunteer hours, and extracurricular activities. How the fuck do colleges expect us to do all this shit? I'm not even employed like some kids are!

I started high school in 2020, in the height of the Covid pandemic, yet each subsequent year has somehow gotten worse than the last. If one more person tells me to "Enjoy it because it's the best years of my life!" I'm going to start breaking some fucking necks.

Whenever my parents talk about their childhoods, I'm just bewildered. When my mom was in elementary school, she'd bicycle through the forest with her friends to get to school. When I was in elementary school, I was barely allowed to play in the open, empty field that we owned next to our house. When my dad was in middle/high school, he'd go train hopping to get to and from friends' houses and other places. I'm lucky if I have enough free time to drive to Food City five minutes away. I just can't imagine being able to do something like hitching a free ride on a train without repercussions of some sort. I'd be worried about getting arrested, getting assaulted or hurt in some other way, getting robbed, or getting shot for trespassing. It's just incomprehensible to me.

I feel so bad for my cousin. She's about the same age as me, but I'll say with no complaint that she's more accomplished than I am. She has a fucking 4.7 GPA and has been in dance since she was a toddler. She's even had a few smaller modeling gigs. She's like the top of all her classes and spends so much time studying and working on school work, as well as perfecting her dance technique. She's won national dance awards. Her family spent a shit ton of money on an editor to make her college essays perfect. She never has any free time as a result. Nearly her entire identity is built on academic perfection.

She was rejected by all but one of her dream colleges. The one school she wasn't outright rejected from? They waitlisted her. She was devastated, obviously. What's the point of doing all this fucking work if everyone around us deems us not good enough? What's the point of doing all this fucking work if everyone just calls us the lazy generation? What's the point of doing all this fucking work when we can't afford to live?

I never got my teenage years, and I probably never will. Was missing them really worth it? Nothing we do ever seems worth it, in the end.

Maybe this is the wrong platform to pose this question given the average tumblr user but

Is it just me or did our generation (those of is who are currently 20-30 ish) just not get the opportunity to be young in the 'standard' sense?

Like, everyone I talk to who's over 40 has all their wild stories about their teens and 20s, being young and dumb, and then I talk to my friends and coworkers and classmates, and we just... dont.