#but I don’t get anywhere near as upset about things going wrong as I used to

[f1-stuff]

how do you cope with this carlos-hate between the lines here on tumblr? btw love following you for your good vibes and funny tags

Hello, sweet anon ❤️

Tbh some days are harder than others! I like to think I’ve gotten a lot better at simply not logging on when I expect there to be those sorts of posts - also making sure that the blogs I follow are the only ones I wanna see on my tl. Sometimes, like earlier today, I just channel my energy into making gifs and only come on tumblr to post those and leave lol

Obviously, I still see stuff if I go looking in his tag or something slips thru the cracks, and some days I write out a whole rant and then delete it (it can be v therapeutic just to type your feelings, even if you never post it). Also having someone/people who I can talk to about it can be pretty helpful. Or even revisiting a Carlos thing that makes you smile! I’ll sometimes just go thru his tag on my blog and inevitably something silly he did will make me laugh and I feel (mostly) better 😂❤️

Other than that, I think just recognizing that everyone’s opinions are just that - opinions! Pro sports is one of the areas in life that people can be the most opinionated/vocal/vitriolic about online but it’s bc it inspires such passion in people. Personally, I like to channel my passion for f1 in positive ways - it makes me a happier person and it’s the whole ‘be the change you want to see’ in the fandom philosophy haha

I hope some of this is helpful ❤️ you can always come to me if you’re needing someone to talk to or wanna just toss something in my inbox to take your mind off of things!

[desos-records]

The part I appreciate the most in the Lockwood and Co show is how it handles depression and suicidal thoughts in teenagers. As a theme, it’s not often (ever) done well. Lockwood and Co is the only story I can think of that depicts it in a nuanced, realistic, non-romanticized way

but first, before I get into it: [if you’re in crisis or need someone to talk to and don’t want to/can’t use your national hotline, highly recommend Samaritans, genuinely saved my life] okay, let’s go

Lockwood is the most obvious, with his general disregard for his own life and admitted suicidal ideation. Lucy struggles with her self-worth and the intensity of the emotions she’s subjected to. George worries that he doesn’t belong, that there’s something useless or wrong about him. The show depicts these thoughts and feelings in a way that isn’t overblown or dramatized, it’s all but casual. Which is how it happens. Depression or suicidal thoughts don’t crash into you all at once, they creep into your life without you noticing

But more importantly (and again, something I’ve never seen anywhere else), the show also offers counterpoints to those thoughts and feelings. It shows that there is a way out, even though you may feel trapped and hopeless. This is crucial for the show’s target demographic. Bad media depictions of depression or suicide get internalized, contribute to the stigma, and make it harder for people to ask for help. This show doesn’t do that. This show tells its audience that, yes, things are scary and painful and it fucking sucks, but it’s not hopeless. And it says it so well

In the second episode, when Lucy wants to quit, she admits something that I’m almost certain she’s never told anyone

“sometimes I just think I’d be better off dead”

And when I watched this the first time, I expected Lockwood to react the way I’ve seen people react in my own life; with silence or panic or downright dismissal. But he didn’t. He stays calm and he says something that is so so important to hear when you’re struggling under the weight of feelings like this

“I understand that”

Saying this tells someone several things: that you’re on their side, they aren’t strange or monstrous for feeling like this, and that you’re not going to attack or abandon them because of it. And you can see the impact it has on Lucy, the way her face clears. She went from struggling to breathe and near tears to calm and steady. It’s no mistake that in this moment we hear his and Lucy’s theme for the first time (those simple, beautiful guitar strings)

The next thing he says is also important

“and it’s not true”

Simple, to the point, directly addressing her feelings, and (the most common mistake) doesn’t make it about him. Telling someone that you love them or that they’d be upset to lose you might sound nice, and it can be later on in the conversation, but in a moment like this, it’s infinitely more helpful to confront the thought itself

A similar moment in the first book stuck with me too, when they’re underneath Combe Carey Hall and Lucy almost steps into the well. What she’s hearing in her head (and the general phenomenon of malaise that ghosts produce) is very similar to depressive or suicidal thoughts. Before she can fall, Lockwood pulls her back

“no, Lucy, that’s not the way it’s going to be”

Depressive and suicidal thoughts deal in absolutes, so sometimes it takes an absolute to counter it

In the last episode, George has that heart-breaking moment where he says all the awful things he thinks about himself, partly because of the influence of the boneglass and Bickerstaff, but it’s also been building up, there in the background. Increasingly, it’s Lockwood and Lucy working together and George working on his own, which picks at old wounds (engineer, engineer, engineer, weirdo). He bonds with Joplin because he feels like she understands him in a way the others don’t

“it’s nice to have someone to show off to”

But Lucy pushes back against all that because she sees herself in all the ugly things George is saying, because she’s felt that way too. She understands that. She’s so surprised and horrified to hear him saying those things, resigning himself to dying down there, she’s not going to let him go on believing them

“you’re not a third wheel or an oddball or whatever it is that you think you are”

“you’re the best of us”

“we are not losing you, Georgie”

Flo called him that earlier too, but Lucy wasn’t there for that and coming unprompted from her it sounds so much like something you might call your slightly annoying younger brother. She’s so absolute about it all, with no opening for doubt, and you can see something like surprise on George’s face (but also pain because now Lucy’s in danger too)

For all Lucy knows, the boneglass will kill her. I don’t think for a second she genuinely believes her talent will protect her; she told Joplin that to protect George. It’s unclear when exactly she came up with the plan to use the skull, but she was willing to risk it anyway. And she knows, she knows, George will blame himself for this (because she would too, if it were the other way around), but even then, she’s very clear

“this isn’t your fault”

Their whole scene down in the catacombs is two kids trying to keep each other alive, physically obviously, but on the inside as well. And, oh god, George almost crashing down next to Lucy after he’s knocked over the boneglass, trying to wake her up. His voice

“Lucy, Lucy, it’s me, it’s me, say something, speak to me”

I think it’s down in those catacombs that George and Lucy really understand each other for the first time. In their own ways, they’re both curious and suspicious about the Problem and what causes it, trying to learn more about it (and stressing Lockwood out in the process). They both left their families; they both struggle with feeling strange and different than everyone around them. That connection pulls them both back from the edge

Lockwood, for all his confidence, is practically in crisis or was fairly recently (I suspect living with George helped). It’s fairly common, actually, for someone suicidal to overcompensate with an exterior shell to hide it, which can manifest in different ways depending on the person (they may not even realize they’re doing it, I didn’t)

And I love how the show handles it. He’s not made into this dark, tragic figure. He’s so full of life it hurts. He jokes around with George and Flo, fights with Kipps, admires Fairfax. He has dreams (plans) for the future. He’s struggling with trauma, they all are, but he’s not Broken™ in the way similar leading characters are often made out to be, in the way we often fear we are

And, of course, there’s Lucy, a wreaking ball through the precarious balance of Lockwood’s life. It’s not so much that she gives him a reason to live (although she definitely helps), but she holds him accountable in a way no one else does. This is the difficult part of recovery that no one talks about. Having people care for you (George) and sympathize with you (Flo) is great and necessary, especially early on. But at some point, you have to take responsibility for yourself and the noise in your head (you have to open your door on the landing)

What that looks like is complicated and messy and different for every person, but seeing it played out in a story is remarkable. I’ve never seen anything like it. This is a difficult thing for anyone to learn (many adults never even try)

That shot of George, Lucy, Lockwood (and Kipps) rising up on the catafalque sums it all up for me. Each of them fell into darkness alone and rose out of it together. They inspired each other to fight and win their individual battles, even when they couldn’t be there to help

[lovely-keii]

being their sibling

characters: tsukishima kei, oikawa tooru, suna rintarou

a/n: i write a fic every time i rewatch hq LOL sorry ik i said im abandoning this blog buuuut…happy bday to this blog!! (repost from 1/5 because tags broke :(( )

part 1

TSUKISHIMA KEI

looks out for you, but he can’t help that hes so emotionally constipated :’( he tries to give you advice because he genuinely is concerned for you but just is unable to word anything properly. see: “you need to stop talking to that person, you’re being a pushover,” but he just wants you to realize you’re letting people walk all over you.

god forbid he has to comfort you because hes the wrong brother for that - you’re definitely in better hands with akiteru. he might walk in on you crying and contemplate if he’ll even say anything or just ignore it flat out, or he’ll say something like “don’t cry, you look stupid.” if you cry more, he’ll end up swallowing his pride and sitting next to you. he’ll groan and reluctantly, “fine, spill it.”

other than that, he’s going to be a sneaky little prick. definitely the type to take revenge on you if you annoy him. you eat the last piece of chocolate he was saving and suddenly you find your charger hidden deep under your bed. also loves to take things without your permission. “why? i’m just using it, it’s not like you need it now.”

if someone picks a fight with you, he’ll be quick to extract you from the situation before saying something ruder and harsher than usual to the person. and if you tell him you like someone from his team, he’s going to look at you like you’re crazy. “are you insane?!” he’s honestly more bewildered than upset. doesn’t let you anywhere near the gym. he can make an exception for yamaguchi though. “at least it’s not hinata…or worse, kageyama.”

OIKAWA TOORU

your life is never boring with this guy as your brother. you’re literally being dragged everywhere, practices, shopping, team events… you’re like “i’m not even part of the team.” he goes “we can fix that!” and the next day you find out that you’re the manager for the boys’ volleyball team. huh, wonder how that happened.

oh my god, he MILKS you being his manager. “hold my drink, my fans are calling.” “y/n get my towel please.” you’re absolutely seething at the power trip that this guy is on. eventually, you start doing all that for his other team members and not for him, and he gets so whiney. “y/n you’ll get big ugly iwaizumi a towel but not your own sweet brother?!” that earns him a spike to the head from iwaizumi.

he tells you all the gossip about the school, because believe me, he knows A LOT of things. he’ll do his skin care while he forces you to listen to his gossip, cue him getting mad if you try to leave. everyone realizes why you two are siblings when you two walk down the halls and pull the exact same faces at the people he’s told you about in his gossip.

he makes you his little scapegoat for his fangirls. “oh, you want my number? you’ll have to ask y/n for that, they keep my phone with them during practice!” (you dont) “now, why don’t you girls hand all these gifts to my lovely sibling for me?” (you almost immediately chuck them at his face when you see him) but you know the best way to get back at him? when he sees you even slightly conversing with ushijima or kageyama, all hell breaks loose.

SUNA RINTAROU

the devil if the devil was your brother. he takes the ugliest pictures of you, when you’re asleep, when you’re yelling, when you’re crying over a movie. he also loves to send you pictures of animals and send a “look at you in this picture, so cute”. he also takes your things without asking and never returns it, you’ll just find it in his bag one day.

he also is one to order you around, and it drives you mad. “pass me the remote, y/n.” “but it’s nearer to you.” “i’ll tell mom that you-” // “y/n get me a drink from the vending machine.” “why would i do that” “remember when you snuck out and i-” // “get my bag too when you get yours.” “no.” “what i post that one picture of you when you’re about to sneeze-”

but he’s always looking out for you. when creeps try to approach you, he’s quick to react by shooting them a nasty glare. he’s a silent kind of care. standing behind you on elevators, walking on the outer side of the sidewalk, staying up late til you come home and just telling you he just couldnt sleep. little do you know, it’s something he’s always done even as a kid. putting more food on your lunch box, holding the corner of tables when you pick something up so you don’t hit your head, returning your things that are sprawled around the house to your room so you don’t lose them.

and if he ever finds you crying over some guy, he sighs and sits down next to you. “why’re you crying over an idiot?” he then makes snappy insults at the expense of the guy, making you laugh. “see? you look better like that. now stop crying and let me get some sleep.” he closes the light and shuts the door on his way out.

[loverofallthingssarah]

she's the only one for me

wednesday addams x reader

prompt: jealousy

warning: none

word count: 800 +

A/N: sorry for any mistakes or typos

loosely based on some lyrics from jolene by dolly parton but not the actual song itself

“Wednesday!” you yelled through the hallways of Nevermore, evermore frustrated by the second. Wednesday stood you up yet again for another secret meeting with Tyler. You tried to understand Wednesdays’ need to kept the relationship between you private, but what did you have to show for it.  You spent all the free time set aside to be able to be a couple with her alone and you were sick and tired of it.  Today was going to be the end of all that useless time.

You made you way around the whole campus until you found Wedesday and Tyler whispering amongst eachother in a quiet, vacant corridor. You growled beneath your breath and you saw the glint behind Wednesday’s cold eyes.  She was intrigued, and you throught it was by Tyler.  You shivered at the thought of her falling for the normy, he wasn’t anywhere near the calibar of person you would ever think would catch her eye. Marching forward, you spoke, “Wednesday?”

“Oh, Y/n.  I forgot about our meeting. I will have to reschedule at a later date.” she replied then turned her head back to Tyler.

“Don’t bother, Wednesday.” You wanted to scream and tell her how furious you were at the way she was treating you, but truely all you ever say yourself was a distraction for her.  What more could she possibly want from someone as dull as you.  She can have her choice of suitors, but you could never fall again.  

Wednesday head whipped around at your words but her stone facade made her true emotions refuse to surface.  She watched as you walked away truly upset at herself for letting her ego get in the way of her emotions.  She was only using Tyler as an distraction instead of facing on what scared of most and that was her feeling for you. She let herself indulge in you and this secret relationship.  Even after knowing she shouldn’t, you were just too addicting to her, but she knew she was only going to hurt you in the end.  Emotions never came easy to Wednesday, so instead she just never allowed herself to feel most of them.  Hatred came easily; love did not. 

Tyler nudged Wednesday motioning down to their scheme of breaking into his dad’s office at the sheriff station. She rolled her eyes at his eagerness, but Tyler would do anything to appease Wednesday. 

Weeks went by of you solely avoiding Wednesday at all cost, and as much as she wanted to find you- she didn’t.  This was a lot harder than you thought considering you had most of your classes with her, but you just sat as far from her as possible until it wasn’t.  Both of you got paired to work on a project together and you stomach turned at the thought of being alone working with her.  Your willpower could only stand so long. 

Wednesday stopped you rushing away after class, “Y/n.  Enid is going to be away for the weekend.  Come by tomorrow at 6.”

You nodded wishing you could use any excuse to get out of being alone with the raven haired beauty standing in front of you.  Her twitch eye twitched as she walked back in the the opposite direction.

The following day, you spent it dreading your meeting with your ex-girlfriend tonight. You gathered all your courage and made your treak up the stairs to Wednesday and Enids room.  You took a minute to collect yourself outside the door before knocking on her door.  Wednesday whips the door opens and motions you forward without so much as a greeting.  Looking around the room you noticed the obiance Wednesday had set up just for you, “What is all of this Wednesday?”

“This is my way of trying to make things right,” she steps forward trying to connect her lips with yours.  You back up, “Do you really think you just kiss me about it will all be better? I’m done, Wednesday.  I came to work on the project and that is all.” 

Her eye twitches again, “I thought that-” you interrupt her, “Well, you thought wrong. I’m done with how things were, Wednesday.  I’m worth more than spending my time pawning over someone completely unattainable. I know I’m not worth much, but I’m worth more than that.  And-” 

She quickly jumps in, “You are worth so much, Y/n! I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it.  I have been trying to find ways to prevent myself from feeling what it is that you make me feel, that I lost sight of what truly is important.  If you give me the chance, I will right my wrongs.  I’ll stop distracting myself with this incredulous missions with Tyler.  We can let the world know that, I.  Wednesday Addams, am completely and irrevocably in love with you.” 

You just stare at Wednesday as she catches her breath in complete shock.  Unaware of the vulnerability seeping through her veins.  Wednesday thinks your silence means her defeat.  Her head starts to hang low before you rush toward her.  Gripping her chin, you nudge her face up to yours.  A glint of tears shines in her eyes, “Oh, Wednesday.” you whisper before connecting your lips.

sfw taglist: @oh-mydarling @rainbow-hedgehog @peggycarter-steverogers @citizenoftheworld-stuff-blog @lanawinters-ily @lntlmate @sapphicforsarahh @strawberryshorttcakkee @dreamypqulson @goodeday2u @winters-witch-bitch

[aemondapologistfrfr]

Dethrone - Chapter 2

Warnings: swearing, daemon being a shitty father fr, drinking but casually ig

Authors Note: we meet the family, we have some wine, we get some answers, we still don’t trust daemon, next chapter is a time jump and much needed

Word Count: just under 3k

⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆☁︎⋆₊ ⊹ ⊹₊⋆☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ 

When we land at Dragonstone we’re greeted by who I assume is his wife and six children. There is a girl with long, beautiful white hair. Three boys with brown almost black hair. Then there are two babies with bright white heads of hair. They look like a true family and have large smiles plastered on their faces. They tumble over each other as they race towards me and Vaelys.

“Whoa is she yours?” “Whats her name?” “What’s your name?” “Are you staying with us?”

I’m bombarded with questions as the four older kids come to surround me. I’m not even sure who my father even told them I am. Did he even tell them I’m his child? I sigh out in relief when I see their mother walking over. 

“Let’s give Viktorya and Vaelys some space. They only just landed and don’t know us yet.” she says calmly reining her kids in. 

I just stand there by my dragon unsure of what to say. I still don’t know what my father told them. If I say something wrong what will happen to me? I’m afraid if I say the wrong thing I’ll be locked up again and they’ll truly let me rot to be forgotten.

“Go on by your father. I’d like to speak with Viktorya.” she says sweetly sweeping her children towards Daemon. 

She turns back towards me and smiles. I have no idea what the fuck is about to happen. Does she hate me? Does she hate that I’m Daemons first child? If anything I can just jump on Vaelys and leave. She starts to walk over to me and I tense up. She engulfs me in a hug.

“I’m Rheanrya. Welcome home, Viktorya.” She says squeezing me even tighter. 

“It’s lovely to meet you Princess.” I smile politely hugging her back. 

“Welcome to Dragonstone. It’s a shame you were kept in the dark. We’re meant to burn bright.” she says looking to the sky as a dragon flies over head. “Come, let’s get you inside and settled.” she says grabbing my hand to lead me back to the front of the castle. 

“But Vaelys?” I ask turning my head. 

“The keepers will come and take her. She’s a beautiful dragon with a powerful name. And rider.” she says smiling warmly at me. 

Once she escorts me into the castle she takes me straight to my chambers. I’m scared I’m going to be hidden away again. So I just gave up one prison for another. I start to get upset until she opens the doors to my chambers. It’s exquisite and leaves me speechless. 

Although the room is completely made of stone it feels warm and like home strangely enough. There’s a large canopy bed near the windows and balcony. Across from the bed is a beautiful vanity carved out of stone with small gems and crystals intricately placed. I have a large wardrobe with two changing screens angled in front of it. I have a sitting area with two chairs and a sofa. Through the connecting door I see my bathing chambers. There is a hug stone bath tub in the middle of the room with floor to ceiling windows. I get so lost in thought of this being my room I forgot I wasn’t alone. I turn to Rheanrya and she’s watching me contently and smiling. 

“I hope these accommodations are to your liking Princess.” she says sweetly. 

“Very much. This is so beautiful. Thank you.” I say sincerely walking over to her as she grabs my hands. 

“I want you to know that we are happy you’re here. You have six new siblings who will adore you. You have me and your father now. You have a family. You are loved.” she says pulling me into a hug as I start to tear up.

“So everyone knows I’m my fathers daughter? They don’t hate me? I feel like an outsider.” I let out some of my haunting thoughts. 

“Shh shh shh,” she soothes. “No one here or anywhere in the seven kingdoms could hate you. You’re Viktorya from the house Targaryen. You’re a dragon rider. Power and fire runs through our veins. You are loved.” she coos rubbing my back. 

“Thank you Rheanrya, truly.” I say finally pulling away. 

“Now let’s get you introduced to everyone. They’ve been dying to meet you.” she reassures. 

She waits outside my chambers and allows me to change. I slip into a fresh gown and tame my hair from the flight. My mind is still reeling from the change in scenery and a completely different life. I leave my trunks and bags open and sprawled everywhere and will deal with them later as I settle into my chambers. I quickly exit my chambers to meet Rhaenrya.

“I know this is going to be hard for you for a while. I know how your father is and I promise he’s trying his best. Us three will sit down after dinner and finally have time to talk and answer all of your questions.” she says sweetly as we arrive at the dining hall. 

She’s so kind and gentle and everything I wasn’t expecting. Her words truly calmed me and somehow made me feel like I belong here. I’m still on edge and have so many questions. I’m getting anxious for our talk later, but I need answers. 

“I’d like to formally introduce you all to Viktorya. She is Daemons first daughter. She’s here to live with us and be a part of our family. I expect you all to be welcoming and nice.” she says with a firm yet soft voice. 

“Hello, I’m Jaceryes. You’re more than welcome to call me Jace.” Jace stands up and smiles. 

“I’m Luke, well Lucerys, but I’m so excited you’re here! We’ve been waiting to meet you ever since Mother told us about you!” Luke says practically bouncing in his seat. 

“And I’m Rheana. I’m glad you joined our family and we’re happy to have you.” she says giving me a warm smile. 

“And our youngests here,” Rheanrya starts. 

“This is Joffrey.” she says gesturing to the smallest of the boys with dark brown hair. 

“And this is Viserys and Aegon.” she finally says showing the silver haired babies. 

“We all welcome you home, daughter. It’s been a long time, but we’re happy you’re here.” my father says surprising me causing me to raise my eyebrows.

“Thank you. I’m grateful to all of you for taking me in and being so welcoming and warm.” I say smiling softly.

Dinner with a family is something I’ve never experienced. I always had to eat in my chamber alone or with Kaenna. The hall is filled with laughs and love. I took a moment to just sit and bask in this feeling. I felt so warm and full. This is what I’ve been waiting for. A family to call my own. I wish I could stop the voice in the back of my head telling me this is all a joke and that something terribly wrong was going to happen. 

The servants start to clear the table and I feel a knot in my stomach. I know I’m going to get the answers I’ve been seeking, but they might not be the answers I want to hear. The children slowly trickle out of the hall leaving me with my father and Rheanrya. Panic starts to set in, but I remain calm and collected. 

“So, how are we starting this off?” I ask looking at them across the table folding my hands before me.

“With wine.” my father says calling one of the servants over to fill our cups. 

So we’re starting this conversation off with wine. I guess I’m not the only person who isn’t that excited for this conversation. I thank the servant once she fills my cup and walks away.

“We’re not so different you and I.” I say to my father, grabbing my glass and draining it to reduce some of my nerves.

“Just leave some bottles on the table and leave us.” my father says to the servants. 

“Well, now that we’re truly alone with plenty of wine, where would you like to begin Viktorya?” Rheanrya says grabbing her cup and taking a sip. 

“Father, why don’t you start off by explaining why you abandoned me as a baby.” I say with piercing eyes. The words leave my mouth before I have time to process what I would like to say in a more collected manner.

“I didn’t abandon you.” He says blandly rolling his eyes.

“Oh, my mistake. I forgot you raised me and I wasn’t held hostage in Runestone for my entire life until a couple of hours ago.” I say my voice dripping with sarcasm. 

My feelings have betrayed me already. I wanted to be calm and show strength, but I’m hurt and confused. I know I have to practice patience and listen, but it’s hard. The man who sits in front of me is my father, but I have no idea who he really is.

“You weren’t held hostage. You’re so fucking dramatic.” Daemon says chuckling and shaking his head. 

“Daemon,” Rheanrya scolds grabbing his hand.

“Yes, I’m sorry. There are many reasons you don’t understand of why I had to leave you in the Vale.” He says more softly. 

“Is that not why we are here now? To clear everything up.” I raise my eyebrow and sip my wine.

“Let’s start from the beginning. Daemon, explain. Viktorya, keep questions limited until the end.” Rheanrya interjects firmly trying to help us both relax and soothe our tempers.

My father and I seem to have the same amount of patience and temper. I’m thankful that Rheanrya is here to keep us both calm and in check. We all take a moment to gather our thoughts before my father starts.

“I want to start off with saying, I’ve always had love for you. I felt that it would be safer for you to be hidden away. When you were born my brother had recently married a cunt,” he’s cut off by Rheanrya.

“Daemon, enough. Let it be for right now.” she says slapping his hand. 

“So as I was saying, my bother married a cunt.   I knew this was going to start a war and cause tensions to rise. I didn’t want you caught in the middle of that as a baby. My brother and I have never had the best relationship and I knew that he would try to mend that by betrothing you to one of her heathen sons, that she was bound to give birth to.” he starts to explain looking to Rheanrya to make sure he hasn’t said anything more out of line.

“But why not just say no. Why just leave me there alone?” I interject. 

“I wouldn’t have been successful in declining his offer. That man also has quite the obsession with dragon dreamers as well and I wouldn’t have been able to keep you from him.” What the fuck is a dragon dreamer? “Again, I didn’t leave you alone, you had Maester Dawsin and Kaenna, no?” he asks.

“What is a dragon dreamer?” I ask confused. “All I wanted was a family. Yes, I had Maester Dawsin and Kaenna, but I wanted a family of my own.” I say trying to steady my voice not to give away how upset I am.

I can tell by the way Rheanrya is looking at me that I’m doing a shitty job of hiding my emotions. She gives me a warm smile and reaches across to squeeze my hand. I don’t know if my father is just coming up with phrases to distract me. I’ve read lore on our family of course but dragon dreamers are rarely mentioned. 

“The dreams you have about the future. You’re basically prophesying. I kept in contact with Maester Dawsin regularly. I knew about your progress. Who do you think was the one who sent a dragon trainer to Runestone for you?” he asks raising an eyebrow. 

I wish someone would’ve told me sooner what my dreams truly meant. I’m grateful I kept my ascension to myself. Along with Maester Dawsins death I’ve had a couple other dreams come to light that I never put much thought into. I hope we can keep that secret to us three. I still can’t get over the fact that he was able to write letters to a Maester but not his own daughter. 

“Am I to be grateful?” I laugh out. “You couldn’t write to me yourself? You couldn’t visit me?” I spit out feeling my anger rise. 

“If I came and visited you, I could no longer keep you safe, people would question why I was visiting Runestone. I would’ve had to take you back with me. The life I would’ve given you then, wouldn’t have been the one you deserved. I know that you didn’t deserve to hidden away for all these years, but please know I did for you, daughter.” my father says almost sincerely. 

“I understand, but at the same time I don’t. Why did I have to stay there until Maester Dawsin passed?” I ask trying to connect any dots, but I feel as though I have a piece of paper in front of me scattered with dots that can’t connect.

“He was there to protect and raise you, as was Kaenna. They grew extremely fond of you and you were your mothers living memory. They knew as well as I, that I was not fit to raise a child. I wanted you to be surrounded by people with quality traits. I’m afraid I’m not the best father figure.” he says the last part in a whisper. 

“You’re trying. That counts.” Rheanrya comforts him.

This comfort she offers him angers me to no end. Is he trying? He’s been dismissive and uncaring of my feelings. I don’t care if he was a shitty person years ago he’s still a shitty person now.  I guess I should at least try to see if he’s willing to be a father but I won’t hold my breath. 

“I am trying, Viktorya. I know it might not seem like it, but I am.” the look in his eyes reminds me of the way Kaenna looks at me and it confuses me.

“We’ll both have to try.” I say huffing out a large breath as I accept a stalemate. “I have just one more question.” I ask biting the inside of my cheek. 

“Which is?” my father looks at me curiously.

“Did you kill my mother?” I ask staring him directly in the eyes to see if I can detect anything. 

“Where did you hear such a thing?” he says taken aback as Rhaenrya shoots her eyes to him. I’m quick to pick up on the fact that he didn’t deny it.

“I’ve heard whispers my whole life. It’s hard to think you didn’t when the whole castle is in agreement you took her life, the only thing they can’t agree on is the how.” I lean back and take a sip of wine. 

“I did no such thing.” my father says too quickly and defensively. 

“Mm,” I hum quickly. “I appreciate your transparency. I appreciate you for giving me the answers I deserved and needed.” I say as I slightly smile assessing him.

“It’s been a long day for you. Why don’t you go get some rest? We can go riding tomorrow? How does that sound?” Rheanrya offers with a warm smile. 

“That sounds lovely, thank you.” I smile warmly to Rhaenrya. 

They both walk me to my chambers. My mind is racing with all of this new information. I finally have my answers, but I still don’t have peace of mind. I’m just waiting for the catch. Rheanrya gives me a hug and kisses the top of my head. 

“Welcome home again, I’ll see you in the morning.” she says to me as she brushes Daemons arm walking away. 

I look to my father waiting for him to say something. We stand there kind of awkwardly waiting for one of us to break the silence. It feels like hours have past when it’s only been minutes. 

“I’m glad you’re here with us. This is your family now. Anything you should want, you shall have. I promise this.” he says pulling me in for an awkward hug. 

“There is one thing..” I say into his chest.

“Tell me and it’s yours.” he pulls back looking down at me. 

“Can I please have Kaenna come here?” I look up to him. 

“Consider it done. Now go get some sleep.” he says opening my doors for me.

He shuts the doors softly behind me and now I’m finally alone. I walk over to my wardrobe and it seems as someone has already unpacked for me. I pull out my night dress and lay it on the bed. I slowly peel off my dress and hang it over one of the chairs. Once I’m changed I walk over to the balcony to take in some of the fresh air and enjoy the breeze.

I’m one step closer to acquiring the seven kingdoms. I’ve made it to Dragonstone but I’ve seen no man who looks to be my King. I will have to visit the library soon to look up more lore on dragon dreamers so I can learn the extent of my gift. 

The air here is so crisp. I take a few deep breaths and look around at my new home. It’s breathtaking. I walk back in and crawl into bed. My mind finally quiets and I’m able to drift off to sleep.

[ctommyinnitask]

Dear Tommy,

Thanks again for writing. You don’t have to keep doing this.

I am a coward. Dream called me one, you called me one, and that’s fine. I’ve… been a coward. About a lot of things. I’m stupid and don’t know what’s going on a lot of the time and I am scared. I’m not wasting time on this section of the letter, but just so you know, even if you’re right, exiling you was nowhere near the easy option. I have to make the choice that’s best for everyone, no matter how much it sucks for us.

That’s not good. At all. None of that. This— Tommy, you don’t have to stay there. You don’t have to stay wherever you are with Dream, you can go. You can go find another place to live; anywhere but L’Manburg. God, I’ll— I’ll help you, just… maybe go somewhere without water. I know Fundy had a place… I don’t remember what it was called, but it was built in one of those orange sandstone biomes. No water there, just mines. That way you’d be safer? Maybe you could find more connection there. Ghostbur isn’t conditioned to be around you. He doesn’t feel obligated— I don’t know how much he actually feels. But he cares about you. I care about you.

please don’t do anything you can’t undo. A party sounds fun. Maybe you could throw another and invite Ranboo? They seem to enjoy being around you. I’m sure they’d make time to come.

I can’t say anything bad about Dream for the sake of not… getting attacked or anything, but if he wanted to go on an extended vacation somewhere full of fire and brimstone I wouldn’t be upset. If we could’ve fought him and won, I would’ve. 100 times over.

If you find cameras, tell me. Probable cause and all that. Big Q has been teaching me lawyer things. It’s weird, but nice.

I’m not going to say anything about Technoblade. We’ve had

It’s

Government isn’t the only person who’s wronged you. It’s not exclusive to governments. Technoblade blew up L’Manburg, too. Don’t forget that.

You don’t have to be in charge to be a tyrant.

I do not have a crush on Ranboo, and even if I did, if I learned anything from Schlatt and Quackity, workplace relationships have no place in a cabinet and Ranboo does not deserve that, haha.

With love,

your Tubbo.

tubbo,

i think i’m going to find techno. i’m going to hang around here more, until i can’t take it anymore, and then im going to find him.

i don’t have much to say to you right now. i love you, tubso, stay happy

from,

tommy

[practicingsmut]

I’m Like a Lawyer with the Way I’m Always Trying to Get You Off

work rival!minho x reader, 3k words, one bed trope, minho’s a bit of a perv but the reader’s kinda into it

Working for one of the largest law firms in the city wasn’t always all it was cracked up to be - the work you did may have been emotionally rewarding when things went the way you wanted them to, but there were still the long hours of wading through bureaucratic bullshit to get those results. On top of that, it was a much more social job than you had expected. At least you got along with your coworkers, or most of them anyway.

The best part of working at your particular job was that it dealt with many clients not necessarily from the city you were based in, so several times a year you got to take an all expenses paid trip as part of your job in order to meet with said clients.

Normally you would be over the moon to be put on one of these jobs, and while you were still excited to travel, you couldn’t help but be upset by the fact that you had been partnered with your least favorite coworker, the one and only Lee Minho. The two of you had joined the firm around the same time and were often given similar cases to work on, so it was no surprise that the two of you quickly became the fiercest of rivals, often trying to outdo each other.

Luckily you hadn’t had to sit anywhere near each other on the flight to your destination, but the troubles began when you arrived at your hotel, tired from the trip and wanting nothing more than to sink into your bed so you could wake up well rested the next morning.

“What do you mean, you’ve put us in the same room?” Minho shouted at the receptionist. You wished he wouldn’t take it out on the worker who was only doing their job and told him as much, but you could still understand his frustration.

“I’m sorry, but this was the only accommodation we had left when your employer called to make the reservation. We don’t have any other rooms opening up for several days,” the receptionist explained. You didn’t know how they managed to keep their cool - if Minho came yelling at you the way he was, you wouldn’t hesitate to snap back at him.

“There has to be something you can do,” he insisted.

“Weren’t you listening, you idiot? There aren’t any other rooms. Come on, I’m tired, and I would rather go to bed instead of arguing about things that can’t be changed,” you said with a yawn, thanking the receptionist before turning and walking off without waiting to see if Minho was following.

Your stuff was already put to the side and your pajamas on your body when Minho finally graced you with his presence once more. You had no idea what took him so long and you didn’t care. You were in the bathroom doing your nighttime skin routine when he came in, but you could hear him clear as day as he threw his stuff down and let out a groan.

“You have got to be kidding me,” he said.

“What’s wrong now?” you called out, not wanting to deal with his bullshit for longer than necessary. Your hands paused their ministrations when his head popped out in the doorway.

“There’s supposed to be a second bed,” he asserted, a look on his face revealing that he thought you were the stupid one in this situation.

You rolled your eyes, turning your head so he’d be able to see. “The couch pulls out to be the second bed. Honestly, do you even listen to people when they talk?”

Thankfully Minho didn’t even bother responding to what you had said and instead just walked back to the room to do whatever it is he wanted to do. When you finally left the bathroom, you found him struggling with the pull out portion of the couch. He was even grunting with the effort of it, something you found wholly unnecessary.

“Oh, move over,” you said, nudging him out of the way with your hip.

“You’re not going to be able to get it. It’s stuck.”

As much as you hated to admit it, he was right. There was no way to unfold the second bed out of the couch. After a quick investigation, you found one of the metal bars to be bent in such a way that it made the whole piece immobile.

“I’m going to call the front desk. Maybe they have a maintenance worker who can come fix it or something,” Minho said, moving to the phone on the nightstand. You rushed over and quickly placed your hand on top of his, keeping him from lifting the receiver.

“Minho. It is nearly midnight. I’m not waiting for some maintenance worker to come up and fix this before going to bed. We can deal with it tomorrow.” You tried your best to keep your voice even, but in your near-exhausted state you couldn't help but let some of your frustration through.

“I’m not sleeping on the floor,” he asserted.

“Then sleep in the fucking bed with me!” You threw your hands up in the air and turned away from Minho, nearly missing the shocked look on his face. “It’s a queen size, we’ll both fit for the night. Tomorrow we can get the couch fixed, alright?”

It wasn’t the best situation to be in, but you were ready to accept any compromise at that point if it meant Minho would shut his mouth and you could close your eyes. Without another word you climbed into bed, making a show of pulling the covers over you as you snuggled into the pillows on your chosen side.

Minho let out a heavy sigh. “Fine. Whatever.” He moved over to where his bag had been tossed and started pulling his clothes off.

“Um, what are you doing?” you asked once his shirt was off and he began undoing his belt. “Can’t you get changed in the bathroom?”

“You’d still see me like this even if I took my clothes off out of sight,” he answered. “I normally sleep naked. You’re lucky I have some sense of decency and I’m keeping my boxers on.”

And what a pair of boxers they were. Boxer briefs, to be specific, a black pair that hugged his hips and thighs, outlining every curve of muscle and… other features. Was he always so fit? How had you not noticed before? You peeked at him through your eyelashes as he walked around to the other side of the bed, hoping he’d think your eyes were closed.

“Besides, you’re not much better, parading around in your underwear. Why is it okay for you to do that but not me?” he questioned as he slid under the covers.

“I’m wearing shorts!” you protested. They were small ones that barely covered more than the panties you left off when you slept, but you weren’t about to let him win any sort of argument. And the sports bra you had on held your breasts firmly out of his view.

“That’s a very liberal use of the word for what you’ve got on, but it doesn’t even matter. Can you just shut the light off already?”

You wanted to respond that you were the one who had been waiting for him, but decided to pick your battles. The need for rest overruled the need to get under Minho’s skin, and soon you were lulled into a dreamless sleep despite the distracting sound of Minho’s deep breaths just feet away from where you were.

Something was different when you woke up in the dark a few hours later. It took you a minute to register what it was, but once you heard it you couldn’t forget it - Minho’s breathing had changed. Before falling asleep they had been long, slow, and deep, but now they were much more shallow and sharp, interrupted every few seconds by a slight gasp and once by a deep moan he had to stifle, probably by biting his lip.

Oh.

You had no idea how to react. Even once you’d resigned yourself to the fate of having to share a bed with Minho, you were completely caught off guard by the fact that you had woken up to him touching himself next to you. Your mind raced with ideas of what to do, settling on the decision to do nothing and pretend you were still sleeping.

“I know you’re awake,” he whispered, the calming of his breathing giving you the idea that he’d stilled his hand. So much for your plan.

“Did you have to do this in the bed? You couldn’t at the very least go to the bathroom?” you questioned, though your words didn’t have the bite they normally did.

“Then I wouldn’t be able to see you.”

Your eyes snapped open at his admission, meeting his gaze immediately. You must have flipped while sleeping to face the middle of the bed. Even in the dim light from the moon shining through the gap in the curtains you could see the aroused blush that spread across his face, highlighting the cocky grin he had.

“You’re a fucking pervert, Minho.” The covers fell from your torso as you sat up, the cool air sending a chill racing across your skin.

“You say that like your eyes weren’t glued to my bulge when you saw me in my boxers earlier,” he countered. Now it was your turn to blush. “Besides, I’m not as bad as you make me out to be. My hand stayed outside my boxers the whole time. I just needed a little friction to work me through the distraction so I could go to sleep, promise.”

You eyed him suspiciously. “You really think I’m hot enough to keep you up at night?” He nodded. “Please tell me this isn’t one of those cliche moments where you tell me you’ve been in love with me since we met.”

Minho let out a mean-hearted chuckle. “Oh, god, no. You’re the most annoying coworker I’ve ever had to deal with, but I do think you’re fucking gorgeous. That’s something I’ll admit to having thought since we met.”

Something about the way he complimented you had heat pooling in the pit of your stomach. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought him insanely attractive as well, but you weren’t crazy enough to masturbate while sharing a bed with him.

“So what now?” you asked, not willing to put into words even in your mind what you hoped he was going to say.

“I could go into the bathroom and fix my issue while you settle back into bed, then the two of us could pretend this never happened.”

“Or?” you prompted, sensing there was more he wanted to say.

“Or you could help me out by fulfilling my perverted little dreams.”

It wasn’t quite what you wanted, but you loved negotiating.

“So what, you want me to give you a blowjob and call it done? Don’t I deserve to get something out of the deal?”

That cocky grin was back. You wanted to smack it off his face, or kiss it off. Either way would work.

“Oh, I could definitely give you something in return.”

His hand touched your arm almost tentatively like he still expected you to run, but when you showed no signs of stopping him he pulled you over to him so that you were hovering over his crotch and your mouth could meet his.

Minho was a fantastic kisser, setting up a steady rhythm of nipping your lips with his teeth and licking into your mouth. His hands slid down to rest on your hips while yours found the hard muscle of his chest.

Then, without warning, he pulled you down so your core landed directly on his clothed member, forcing you to let out an involuntary gasp. He laughed in response, the sound coming out hot on your cheek.

“You did that on purpose, you asshole.”

“Of course I did.”

Wanting to even the score and catch him unaware, you shoved him down onto his back, staying seated above him so you could grind down on him. An almost pornographic moan slipped through his lips, spurring you to continue the motion. A curse escaped your mouth as your clit caught on the tip of his cock, the now soaked layers of clothing between you two both a blessing and a curse as it added to the friction.

Then suddenly you were on your back, Minho pinning your hands on either side of your head while his lips and tongue traced patterns along the column of your neck and his hips bucked against yours. He moved quickly at first, but then seemed to come up with a better idea.

Moving your arms so that he could pin them both above your head with just one hand holding your wrist, he then used his free hand to pull the waistband of his boxers down, freeing his erection and letting it slap against his stomach.

“Careful there, you look like you’re about to start drooling,” he joked.

“Just shut up and fuck me,” you groaned.

“Shh, princess. We’ll get there.” Princess? Where did that pet name come from, and why did it have you clenching around nothing?

You didn’t have time to question it out loud, as Minho’s thumb began to rub tight circles over your clit through your shorts. A moment later his thumb was replaced with the tip of his cock. He slid it through your folds as if there wasn’t a fabric boundary there at all, taking his time to tease your most sensitive part before bringing it back down. He pressed into you, the shorts keeping him from making anything but the most shallow thrusts that barely allowed his tip into you.

“Minho, please.”

You hated how you whined, sure that he was going to tease you for it, but instead Minho just adjusted his position so that he didn’t have to guide his cock with his hand. It came up to cup your cheek, thumb grazing your bottom lip.

“Let me have my fun. I promise I’ll take care of you.” You nodded, trusting this soft side of him you’d never seen before.

From his new position he could rut against you, letting his member catch against you for a moment before springing free. It kept from forming a steady rhythm, something that would have helped you climax faster. Your only consolation seemed to be the fact that Minho was teasing himself as well, if his labored breathing and leaking cock were anything to go off of. At this point you weren’t sure if your panties were saturated from your arousal or his.

“Minho, please, I need you.” Your squirming was making it hard for any purchase to be made, a fact that finally pushed Minho to give in.

“Fuck, princess, okay.”

He let go of you completely and sat back on his knees in order to pull your shorts off, throwing them somewhere else in the room. They were soon followed by his boxers. With tingling hands from being held down for so long, you took the moment to pull your sports bra off, leaving you fully bared beneath Minho.

“Can you hold your legs open for me?” he asked. You obliged immediately, leaving Minho to groan as he saw your cunt already dripping with excitement.

His mouth was on yours again before anything else so he was able to swallow your gasp when he finally pushed his cock inside of you. It wasn’t so big that it hurt, but with your only prep having been some grinding, it was definitely a bit of a stretch. You struggled to keep your legs held open as the head hit your g-spot over and over; Minho clocked this and pulled your legs over his shoulders so your arms could flop back onto the bed and pull at the sheets.

“I’m going to be honest here,” Minho groaned in your ear, “I’m not going to last much longer. Can I come inside you?”

You nodded for a moment before realizing he probably couldn’t see you in the position you were in. “Ye- yes.”

Moments later he was filling you up, the warm and sticky substance coating the inside of your cunt entirely. You could only begrudge the fact that he came first for a moment before he was pulling out of you and sliding down your body, his mouth on you before a single drop could leak out of you.

“Fuck!” you cried out as his tongue buried itself as far into you as it could go while his nose nudged against your throbbing clit. You didn’t think it was possible to be even more turned on than you already were, but something about the fact that Minho was eating his own cum out of you seemed to do the trick. He had your legs shaking in over a minute.

Your hands found their way into his hair to tug sharply on it, though whether you were trying to pull him closer or push him away, even you couldn’t tell. Moments later you hit your peak. If Minho’s face hadn’t already been drenched in your juices, it certainly would have been then. He continued to lick at you, stopping to suck on your clit until you cried out that it was too much.

At that moment, seeing him look up at you from between your legs with eyes full of lust and awe, you couldn’t help yourself. You pulled him up so that you could kiss him, tasting the both of you on your tongue as the mess spread all over your face.

“I told you I’d take care of you,” he whispered against your lips.

After another kiss you answered, “You’re lucky that I really do need my sleep, otherwise I’d be back on that cock in a minute. You better be ready to put it to good use again tomorrow.”

You could feel him smile from the way his face moved against yours. “I guess we don’t have to call for maintenance about that couch.”

[where-dreamers-go]

"Emotions And Realizations" Dick Grayson x Reader

(A/N: Part Four in the soulmate au series with 1960s Robin/Dick Grayson.

Last time we saw a secret spread through the city, trust broken, and soulmates having milkshakes. But wait. The most frustrating and exciting is yet to come!

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Reader has social anxiety? Use of (mx) and (Y/N). Dick Grayson is the sweetest person. Reader’s guardian is a doorknob/something else.

Word Count: 10,031 words)

<- previous

~~~

A quiet Sunday morning in Gotham City and all appeared to be normal. Weekend activities went as planned. The weather was beautiful. Birds chirped happily.

This stinks. You thought with a low huff.

In the study, the open history book on the desk hardly had your attention. A scratch piece of paper had more ink marks than your list of assignment answers.

An ‘attitude’? Are they serious? I’ve barely said anything to them since Monday. I’ve been neutral. Civil.

As of returning home on Saturday from the Wayne Manor, you were officially grounded.

You were in trouble. For what? What wrong had you done?

According to your guardian, you were in trouble for the next week. Reasonings being: of how you acted on Monday, your attitude for the past week, for not letting them know ahead of time you were going to see Dick Grayson, and missing a lunch they had planned with a friend on Saturday.

They didn’t exactly tell me about the lunch yesterday. Oh, but they’re disappointed. ‘You embarrassed me’. Sorry. Didn’t meant to. I’m not perfect.

You leaned back in the chair, glad you were alone in the room. Comfortable clothes gave you emotional support.

And then the whole: ‘Your punishment will be longer if you don’t do well on those quizzes coming up.’ Really? As if I don’t do my best every day? School isn’t easy. How much more well-behaved do I have to be? I don’t talk and it’s good, but if I don’t talk it’s bad?

Tapping the chair, you did your best to get out the energy fueled by frustration. Quietly. Always quietly.

No phone, you thought over the restrictions, and no desserts!

Four months ago it would had been a punishment in your favor. But, as of late, you had your soulmate physically in your life. Plus no desserts was unusual punishment.

You couldn’t even call to let Dick know. You were afraid to ask.

And Saturday had been so wonderful.

Attempting to return to the textbook failed. Again.

They’re just upset I wasn’t at the lunch. I’m not going to be home every second or available whenever. I don’t overhear every phone call they have. I’m bound to forget at least one thing.

Being grounded days after ‘offenses’ seemed to be reaching for more reasons to justify it all.

I’m not the one who broke a promise — spreading a secret that wasn’t theirs! People kept questioning me and—

Frustrations were high. Tension rekindling at home.

Knuckles popped and shoulders squared.

You huffed again.

Did you ever forgive your guardian for pushing you towards the Penguin or telling your secret? No. Definitely no in the near future either.

You figured the pushing towards a criminal was just really bad judgement. What else could it be?

The breaking a promise was something you would not forget and you’d be careful what you shared in the future with them.

To think, in contrast, you were becoming more comfortable sharing thoughts with Dick. He was a fantastic listener. A gosh darn good conversationalist too.

We don’t even have to talk. You thought and rolled the pen around with your fingers. Your thoughts going back to Saturday. He was so tired. If we were anywhere else, would he put his head down?

Exhaling, soon your shoulders relaxed. Thoughts of you soulmate playing in your mind.

Music played throughout the room. Just enough to keep the study from being so empty of sound.

Your textbook remained on the desk forgotten. It would have its time. Whenever you decided upon it.

Keeping your attention elsewhere was much more satisfying. Right where you wanted it.

In turn, the desk chair had been moved to the front of the loveseat where Dick was laying down.

“Tired?” You asked and brushed back a stray lock of hair from his forehead.

“No.”

“No?” You rested your forearms on your thighs as you leaned forward.

Dick cracked a smile.

“Then what are you doing here laying down? Testing the cushions?”

“I was waiting for you to finish with homework.”

“Well, I’m finished for now.”

“For now?” He questioned, tilting his head to see you better.

“Uh-huh.”

You watched on as Dick took ahold of your hands and brought them to his chest. Comfortable.

“You work too much.”

“So do you.” You poked his sweater-covered chest.

Bringing your hands up, he kissed your finger.

A familiar warmth flooded your chest.

You blinked and flexed your hands.

The textbook was still in front of you. Waiting. Your hands were no where near anyone else’s.

Okay, you thought. Aware of time spent being unproductive.

That word could ruin any mood.

Unproductive. You scoffed. I’m not a machine. If I want to think about my soulmate kissing— Wait…um.

His lips touched your fingertip. Softly and soon smiling.

Sitting there, you wondered and searched your mind to see if this was the first time you had thought of Dick in that way. Surely it wasn’t out of no where.

Did it matter if you didn’t know?

Thinking of playing with Dick’s hair and having soft domestic moments felt natural. As if that calmness could be a vacation of its own.

 Why wouldn’t you daydream of that? It was cute.

Imagining kicking the Penguin’s butt was one thing, but picturing a casual day was really nice. It could happen.

I mean…I never thought I’d be comfortable kissing someone’s cheek without being awkward. And he’s definitely okay with it. You smiled at the thought. Feeling his emotions is a bonus then.

You smiled down into your textbook.

The assignment still incomplete and waiting.

Hearing a voice muffled in another room, your hands tensed.

Your guardian was probably on the phone again.

Just finish here, you thought.

The lightness in your chest seemed to fold in on itself and dissolve. It made your stomach feel heavy.

Dick and I are friends. That’s better than anything I could ask for. We get to see each other and talk when we can. Kissing his cheek is…common in cultures and holding hands—that’s just what we do. We trust each other. You pressed your lips together and thought, we’re soulmates. And he’s literally Robin.

Slouching in the chair, you fought the urge to kick the desk.

“I really need to focus.” You muttered.

The assignment involved vocabulary from history.

Forcing yourself to sit upright, you looked at the text.

Huh. This would put even Dick to sleep, you mused. It’s just copying down the definition. It’s boring, but easy. If only the definitions weren’t so long.

Your hand took up the pen and jotted down the correct words. Such a mundane and mind numbing task with the copying.

Each word hardly left an echo in your mind. Sounds of the pen scrawling over paper only made you more aware of how quiet it was in the study. How alone you were when for once you did not want to be.

You desired good, genuine company. Even in the tiniest amount. Something positive to outweigh the rest.

You could almost hear Dick. His voice memorized and unforgettable in your mind.

Dick had a book in his hand as he sat comfortably on the loveseat.

“I think your favorite part is next,” he said with his nose buried in the book’s pages.

Muscles in your hand cramped, but your wrote on. Writing faster meant it would be finished before you declared it stupid and overly boring.

“I can read it to you, if you’d like?”

“You would do that?” You asked.

“Sure.”

Your hand stilled after you set down the pen. Aches slowly leaving your muscles.

Assignment complete.

You sat back and inhaled slowly.

Hopping onto the cushion beside Dick, you snuggled into his side.

“Holy racing car, you’re fast.”

“My hand hurts a little, but it’ll be fine.”

Expecting him to read out loud, you were surprised by Dick drawing an invisible smiley face on your forehead.

A cozy feeling blossomed in your chest.

“What was that for?” You questioned and wrapped your arms around his middle.

“To keep your frown away.”

“I think it worked,” you said with a smile.

Imagination could only get so far if it remained in your mind.

Beautiful words and fanciful thoughts could remain hidden with emotions if you wanted or you could put them to use. Learn from them.

A new project? Was it a good time to start one?

It wasn’t as if your guardian would know.

✧ ✧ ✧

Monday afternoon at the Wayne Manor was business as usual. Bruce Wayne read quietly as his youthful ward, Dick Grayson, completed homework.

Smiling to himself, Dick closed his textbook.

“All finished?” Bruce asked.

“Yup. The equations weren’t so tough today.” Dick gathered his belongings.

“That’s good to hear.”

Heading out of the room, Dick announced, “I’ll be right back.”

Taking the steps in quick succession, he cleared the stairs on his way to his bedroom.

I bet (Y/N) can finish homework faster, he thought. Maybe not as fast as them guessing books.

On Saturday, they all had done just that in the manor. Teaming up and guessing stories by describing characters made time fly by. Almost too quickly for Dick.

All the happiness of Saturday made Sunday feel off. Dick presumed it was from your absence. With only your emotions to accompany him, he still missed you. Perhaps more so if he couldn’t sense anything.

Yet there was not phone call that night to soothe him.

He lost track of time and he figured you were watching a movie. One you were eager to see. He didn’t want to bother or interrupt.

Dick only hoped that your many emotions were the results of watching the television and nothing more.

Wishing the best for you was what he’d always done. Even prior to meeting you.

Knowing you made him want to share the best with you.

Dick Grayson’s smile returned.

Yes, his schoolwork was put away, but that only freed up space in his mind to think of his soulmate.

He knew why.

Holding hands and drinking milkshakes answered questions he didn’t know he had.

Dick Grayson had a crush on his soulmate. He’d had a crush for a while.

Being together on Saturday only solidified his realization. Holding hands more consciously than reflexively. You were closer, more open with each other.

To contain that knowledge and excitement was near impossible.

Dick was on the verge of telling Bruce.

Why not? He was so happy. He couldn’t keep that to himself. He shouldn’t have to.

I wonder what Bruce will think. The youth thought as he exited his room. I forgot to tell him. Gosh. How busy can we get?

Descending the stairs took him seconds.

Getting Bruce Wayne’s attention took less.

“Hey, Bruce?” The ward called as he returned to the sitting room.

“Yes? What is it, Dick?”

“(Y/N) is really swell.”

Bruce smirked as if he knew what was on the young man’s mind.

“And their smile is the brightest I’ve ever seen.” He sat down on the nearest armchair. “If you could mashup beautiful and handsome in one word—that’d be a word I’d use for them.”

“Both words can be used in exchange for the other depending on context.”

“Gosh, Bruce, I didn’t think of that, but…there should be another word that multiplies the meaning.”

“And why is that?”

“Because saying they’re good-looking after saying how intelligent they are doesn’t sound right..” Dick rested his chin on his hand. “I mean—they are lovely too.”

“Yes. You said as much yesterday and after they left on Saturday.” He smirked again.

“Oh.” His hands folded in his lap. “I guess, I did.”

“It’s alright, Dick.” Bruce reassured him. “It makes me wonder if I’m the only person you should be telling this to.”

His eyes widened. It hadn’t occurred to Dick to consider telling you how wonderful of a person you were. Well, in the right situation anyway. That was only half of it.

He’d never complimented you at that level in full.

“I don’t think I’m ready to tell (Y/N) how I feel—I know that sounds ridiculous. We sense each other’s emotions, for crying out loud!” He sighed, “The problem is: I don’t know where I’d start. They’re practically my best friend.”

“That’s not the worst problem to have.”

“I know. Having a soulmate is the complete opposite of a problem.”

Bruce smiled and stated, “You two get along very well.”

“And (Y/N) knows more about me than other students at school.” Dick chuckled to himself and added, “At the student council meeting today, I imagined what it’d be like with (Y/N) there. They’d have great ideas. I could take a good guess what their responses would have been too.”

Not many people had mentioned the word ‘soulmates’ at school, but Dick knew they would if you were there with him. He was confident he could handle it.

But what about you?

How would you feel about it?

How would you react to Dick’s developing emotions?

“Is it too soon to tell them? I don’t want to make them uncomfortable.”

“There is no set time frame,” said Bruce. “Your concern for them shows how much you care for their well-being. Keep that in mind as you move forward.”

“That’s just it,” Dick sighed. “I don’t know when, but I’d love to now.”

“Don’t stress too much on the subject, old chum. Trust in the connection you two have and let the rest come naturally.”

Sitting up straight, Dick said, “Gosh, you’re right, Bruce. I’m worrying about something that hasn’t happened. It’s silly.”

“But you care.”

Dick nodded.

Of course Dick Grayson cared about his soulmate. He cared deeply.

If he felt a fluctuation of negative emotions from you, he wanted to know the cause. To be there with you would surely allow him to offer help or support.

Glancing up at the time, he figured you were definitely working on something. Not that the time was his main clue, however your undulating feeling of frustration. Either way, he could only suppose.

Would it be alright to call now? Dick wondered as he yearned to hear from you. It’s not late. Heck, it’s early!

He wrung his hands together.

“May I use the phone?” Dick asked, arms posed and ready to move.

“You may.”

Dick didn’t need to be told twice.

Leaning over to the side table, he picked up the phone and dialed your number.

I should ask what they watched last night.

The phone rang on the other end.

Or if anything interesting happened in class. Or if that spider came back. It had a name—

“Hello?” Your guardian’s voice sounded.

“Hello. It’s Dick Grayson. Is—?”

“Hello! How are you?” They interrupted with enthusiasm.

“I’m well. Thank you. How—?”

“I haven’t heard from you in so long. You must all be so busy in that manor. I can only imagine how many charities are planned. My friend and I — we met in college — we’ve been trying to talk their sister into hosting an event later in the summer. I’d love it sooner, but those things take forever to plan. Don’t they?”

“I believe so.”

Dick sat down and wondered how he became reeled into the conversation.

“I feel as if it’s been too long since I’ve been to a dinner party. The one my neighbor held was more of a night out. We weren’t at her place long. They have a fabulous music room. Even a harp.” They sighed longingly. “I always wanted a music room, but we have the study instead. At this rate it’ll turn into a library.”

“(Y/N) loves to read,” Dick piped up, “and they love music.”

“Very true.” Their tone was flat, but attentive.

He took his chance, “Is (Y/N) there? May I speak to them?”

“They’re here.”

He smiled.

“But they can not use the phone—.”

“What? Why? Are they all right?” Dick gripped the phone tightly.

“Their phone privileges are suspended and they can not go out until their punishment is over.” They stated calmly; adding nothing further.

It was too calm for Dick’s liking.

“Alright, I understand.” He swallowed down his rising emotions. “Can you let them know I called, please?”

“Sure. Don’t be a stranger.”

Dick could picture their smile with their chirper voice. It irritated him as he hung up the phone.

“What is it, Dick?” Bruce asked, giving his ward his full attention.

“(Y/N) isn’t allowed to use the phone because they’re in trouble,” Dick wiped his palms on his trousers, “but I don’t know what they did.” Confusion and shock lingered in his voice.

“Oh.” He said softly. “You spoke with their guardian.”

“They didn’t even sound angry or…concerned. They were too busy talking about planning a party.”

“This is unexpected news.”

“You’re telling me.” He sat back with a huff.

“Dick, this maybe a good time to practice patience. Their punishment will not last forever.”

“But they’re innocent.” He leaned forward, fist hitting the chair. “I can’t—I won’t believe they did anything wrong.”

Bruce only nodded. There was not much else to say if they weren’t given even half a story for explanation.

It was out of their hands.

Dick didn’t know when he’d hear from you or see you next. He could only feel your emotions. He couldn’t do anything else. Again, he was powerless. Back to the beginning.

But they’re innocent. What could they have possibly done? Dick thought woefully. Now Aunt Harriet will have something else against their guardian. Not just spreading our secret. … How long do punishments last?

✧ ✧ ✧

Gotham City, peaceful and busy as usual. The end of the work week was approaching and most were thrilled for the upcoming weekend.

For you, the week was going by slowly at school and quick at home. A real drag, really. Not much in your favor. It was only Thursday and your to-do list grew.

I’m going to need to rewrite the to-do list, you thought, already picturing the side notes and scratch marks on the paper. Nearing the end of the semester and it’s a mess. Kind of like this week.

Stepping lively, you were well on your way to the Gotham City Library. The second stop on your search for a book. Your friend Lucy had recommended it the day before.

The end of year essay wasn’t going to write itself and what you needed wasn’t even in your school’s shelves. Even the book store near home was lacking, but you had checked first—just in case.

It was up to you to make it happen.

Too bad it had to include asking your guardian’s permission in the morning. In any other situation it would be fine, but there was the punishment clinging to your every move. Making you second guess yourself and your actions.

So you walked on. With the huge library in sight, you grew impatient, wanting the week to be over. Again.

How ridiculously repetitive.

At least the topic of your paper would ease away from that. It would give you something interesting to focus on.

For once, you just really needed to be anywhere but at home. A breather. Time to decompress and just be.

The trip to the library was a small piece of that. A library had much to offer to citizens after all.

✧ ✧ ✧

Just outside of Gotham City, inside the Wayne Manor, young Dick Grayson worked diligently on his school essay. Ever the prudent student.

Not many things could distract him from a goal. He was well versed in work ethic.

Yet there was for certain one thing that could make Dick rush out of a room.

“Excuse me, Master Dick.”

The youth peered up from his papers.

“A phone call from a certain soulmate.” Alfred smiled.

He leapt to his feet, shouting, “Holy rule breaking!”

“So it seems.”

“Thank you, Alfred,” Dick said before tearing through the house to reach the phone. One of them at least.

Bruce Wayne was already pointing in the right direction as Dick peeled around the corner.

“Thank you!” Dick called over his shoulder.

Coming to a halt by a small table, Dick brought the phone to his ear.

“Hello? (Y/N)?” He did his best not to shout in his excitement. Dick was ever so eager to hear from you.

“Dick, hey,” your voice greeted him warmly.

A smile spread across the youth’s face.

“How are you? Your guardian said you weren’t allowed to use the phone. Are you not in trouble any more?”

“I’m okay,” you answered. “I…uh, I’m at the Gotham City Library—the big one. And technically, I shouldn’t be calling you.”

“You’re still in trouble? Why?”

“That’s what I wanted to tell you. My guardian hadn’t told anyone on the phone, so I figured that included you.”

“They told you that I called?”

“Only that you called.” You clarified. “They’re upset I missed a lunch with them and a friend of theirs on Saturday, that I hadn’t talked to them that week, and other ridiculous stuff that they chose now to pin against me.” You huffed, irritated.

“That’s terrible. They’re the one who couldn’t keep a secret. For a day.”

“It’ll be fine. They’re just embarrassed, I guess, that they had to make an excuse why I wasn’t with them for lunch. They’ll forget about it eventually or get over it.”

Dick held the phone closer.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine.” You said. “Just need to grab a book for the essay.”

Hmm. They don’t seem fine.

“What were you writing for your paper?” He asked, his mind coming up with a plan.

“Edgar Allan Poe writings.”

“Oh.”

“I’m hoping the book isn’t checked out here too.”

“Alright. You should go find it before someone else does.” He advised and checked the clock.

I’ve got time.

“True.”

It’s a huge library.

“Hopefully, we can talk again soon. I just wanted to call and not leave you with so any questions without answers.”

“Thanks.” Dick said. “I really appreciate it. I’ve been running in circles trying to figure out why you, of all people in the world, were in trouble.”

“Bad luck?”

“You don’t have bad luck.”

“Not with you.”

His shoulders relaxed and his smile softened.

“Anyway. I should go. I’ll miss you. Take care, okay?”

“I will. I hope you find everything.”

“Me too. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Hanging up the phone, Dick Grayson felt no ill feelings for not saying how he’d miss you.

No, because Dick had decided on going to the same library.

“Hey, Bruce,” he said as he raced upstairs, “I have to go to the library.”

Practically flying through the manor, Dick retrieved his car keys, and headed back downstairs.

“Dick.”

The youth stopped in his tracks.

“We can not do anything about (Y/N)’s punishment because it is a personal household matter.”

“I know,” he replied despairingly. His whole body seemed to weigh down with the knowledge.

“Good and I trust you’ll help them the best of your ability without breaking the guidelines of their punishment.”

“I promise, Bruce,” he urged, “and I promise I’ll be back soon to work more on my paper.”

So Dick Grayson was on a solo mission. His goals were formed with good intentions.

Could he make it to the library in time to see you?

✧ ✧ ✧

Shelves of knowledge stood proud and ready for the minds of Gotham City. Its largest library had much to offer.

Peering around at the next aisle, you hoped you were in the correct section.

This makes my school’s library look like a forgotten storage room, you thought. At least it’s organized. No wonder Lucy told me I’d like it here. You snuck a peek at the spines of some books. And I also know why Lucy had to save Elliot—he’d get lost in a one-room apartment. You shook your head.

Your friends really were something else. Charming, full of personality, and very much a bunch of teenagers.

The same teenagers who thought you were pranking them when you mentioned your punishment. Too bad their laughter ended, you missed the sound. Yet their sudden change to rage may have added fuel to your inner rebellion. Perhaps a little.

In such a large library, you were definitely calmer than you would had been at home with your guardian.

Calm was soft within you, however there was a bubbling delight from Dick. Through your soulmate bond, it was feeling less muffled as it increased rapidly.

What is he doing? You wondered and read a few more spines of books, still searching. It might be on the other bookcase. This is still the beginning of the authors alphabetically.

You sighed.

Quietly, someone walked up beside you on your left.

“Jane Austen, huh?”

Your confusion hit you like a wall. You knew that voice.

Turning, you were instantly met with familiar bright blue eyes and a wide smile.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you.” Dick beamed. His excitement shining through.

“Are you crazy? I’m in trouble. If my guardian finds out you were here too, I’ll be worse off.”

“Are they here?” He glanced around rapidly.

“No.”

“They won’t find out.”

It scared you to think if otherwise they did.

Closing your eyes, you exhaled slowly.

Breathe. We’re fine. We’re okay.

“Are you upset I came?” He asked.

Your eyes snapped open and your shoulders dropped.

“No. Of course not.” You ducked your head. “I’m sorry. I’m just on edge because of everything at home and I’m tired. I don’t mean to push anything at you.”

Gently, Dick brought you into a hug. Keeping you close.

An almost reset to the scratchy emotions that plagued you happened. Setting you both back to calm. At ease in one another’s presence.

Pulling out of the hug, Dick suggested, “How about I help you find the right book?”

“That’d be great and much appreciated.”

The search was on.

It was the largest library in Gotham City. Where better to find the sources you needed?

“The Odyssey?” Dick read aloud.

“Not quite.” You smiled and continued searching the shelf below. “If we find any Shakespeare, we’ve gone too far. So no Othello either.”

“Hmph.”

“My friend Elliot was writing his essay about the creatures in The Odyssey, I think. Either that or the physics of the bow.” You shrugged. “Our teacher wouldn’t let Charlotte write about her treasure theories.”

“Treasure theories?”

“Hidden treasures, ancient texts, and stuff like that.”

“Cool.”

“I know. Too cool for the teacher, I guess.”

Both of you finished checking a whole bookcase before skipping over to the one further along the wall. Being thorough was an unspoken deal.

With Dick there, you could search twice as fast. Not that it was a race, however being as you both went left to right looking through two shelves—it mirrored a carnival game.

Your soulmate was solely focused on helping you find the right back. It was endearing.

Having gone through another week of unforeseen obstacles, you didn’t scold yourself from sneaking glances at him. You were curious of how he reacted to the world and its stories.

Dick Grayson was different than your other friends and those you spoke to at school. Super excitable and incredibly polite. He wasn’t one to gossip about other people to keep you in the know. There was a sincere gentleness instead of a bluntness with a hint of humor to soften the words.

Being around Dick, you were less inclined to feel out of place if you said something ‘weird’ or if you expressed how you had never done something. With him, you felt comfortable. As if the chance of looking or sounding odd was extremely low, so there was no need to second guess how you presented yourself.

Out of everyone in your life, your soulmate was the most unlikely person to ever make fun of you. No being the butt of a joke. No unnecessary comments because someone twisted your words. There was Dick’s unique personality and caring nature. And so much more.

I’m lucky we even met, you thought. He’s also The Boy Wonder in his spare time. Don’t know the odds of that.

Your fingers brushed passed the last book of that row.

“Still nothing. No Poe.”

“Ancient structures?” Dick read aloud before his gaze searched for you. There was a humorous lilt to his tone.

Shaking your head, you offered him a smile.

“What’s that doing here?”

He shrugged.

“Maybe next year I’ll write about those arches that stand against gravity with the power of math,” you mused and kneeled down to check more books.

“I don’t think that narrows it down. Which one?” He asked as he knelt down with you.

“The ones with all the same small rectangles except the top center piece. That one keeps it from moving or falling.”

“Oh. That would be much different than the one you’re writing now.”

“True, but my decision isn’t set in stone.”

Full grin appearing, Dick shook his head. It was hardly a disapproval.

“Did you set me up for that?” Inquired Dick.

“It was a last minute thought. If I preplanned it, you’d hopefully be laughing.”

“I would.”

“Alright.” You continued smiling. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Why’s he so smiley today? We’ve barely done anything.

Remaining in the fiction section, there was almost an endless amount of stories to dive into. Adventures, mysteries, romances, thrillers, and poetry.

Only one was on your list.

We already passed Austen and Homer. Come on. Where is it? You thought.

That was when you saw it: Edgar Allan Poe.

Ah ha!

Dick’s attention was on your before you made a move for the book. No doubt sensing your thrill of finally finding what you were after.

“I was beginning to get worried,” you muttered.

Grabbing the book from the shelf, you flipped through to the table of contents and stood up.

“Oh, good. It has all of his works. I mean, obviously.”

You offered Dick to flip through it.

“The Complete Tales And Poems of Edgar Allan Poe,” he read. “Aren’t some of these stories sad?” He stood beside you.

“In a way, but mostly a darker tone than reading a theatrical tragedy. It’s the mood.”

He turned a few pages.

“Poe did have a lot of….sad times in his life.”

Closing the book and handing it back to you, Dick asked, “Why did you choose his works?”

“How about I give you a copy of my paper when I’m finished and you can get a different view?”

His blue eyes seemed to sparkle with his eagerness.

“Gee, really? I’d love to read it.”

Dick’s eagerness felt as if it collided and twisted with your own. Merging into a warmth that had you both smiling.

“Alright, but I have to write it first.” You said and walked around the bookcase.

Movement across the room made you freeze.

Someone was stuffing an old bust statue into their jacket. Two others nearby had shifting gazes.

Someone was up to no good in the library!

A criminal?

Retreating, you grabbed Dick’s arm and pulled him back behind the bookcase with you. You put a finger to your lips before pointing.

Dick peered between the shelf. As his eyes widened, so did his mouth. The first word forming.

No.

Acting swiftly, you covered his mouth before he could exclaim. You gave him a warning look.

He nodded as you lowered your hand.

“We need to warn someone,” you whispered.

Again, he nodded. Blue eyes watching the people’s every move. Taking in details.

Grabbing his hand, you gave a tug.

Come on. You can play crime-fighting later.

Thankfully, Dick took the hint.

With hands held tightly together and quiet steps, you both snuck your way to another area of the library. Watching your back, you both made sure you weren’t caught.

Surely two teenagers holding hands couldn’t be an alarming sight to the criminal lookouts. Nothing to raise suspicion.

Your actions did, however, catch the attention of a librarian. Dick was quick to lead you to their desk.

“Can I help you?” The librarian asked. Their expression softening when they saw the book in your hand.

“Yes, please.” You placed the book on the surface. “May I check out this book, please? And…uh…”

The librarian leaned closer, waiting.

“We saw someone stash one of the statues in their jacket.” Dick proclaimed with urgency. “There were three of them.”

“Oh my—three of them?” The librarian inquired.

“No.” Both Dick and yourself urged, hands gripping the edge of the desk.

“People. Long jackets on.” You clarified.

“They were stealing.” Dick insisted.

Alarm lit in the adult’s eyes.

“Oh dear.” Fumbling and stamping, the librarian handed you back the book before picking up a telephone. Their eyes were trained somewhere behind you.

Before you could turn around, Dick had taken your hand and was leading you through another doorway. The two of you kept a hurried pace. Finished with business at the library, it was time to scurry away from any possible danger.

What are the odds? You wondered. Is it more from living in Gotham or him being Robin? Our timing? Day of the week?

Stepping out doors shook you from your thoughts with the afternoon light. Still hand in hand, you and Dick went down the library’s steps with practiced ease.

“Everything’s a surprise today, I guess.” You muttered.

“Hopefully that was all.” Said Dick as he lead you down the sidewalk at a slower pace. “I can drive you home.”

“What?” You looked to him baffled.

“If you want, I can dri—?”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to.”

“(Y/N),” Dick said gently and turned to you, “I want to make sure you get home safe. Driving you home isn’t a problem or a bother. It never will be.”

You knew that. For some reason your first response was never an answer.

The grip you had on his hand tightened.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m always glad to be with you.”

His words struck a cord in your chest. An area left alone to its own devices, quietly always wishing for something. Deep in that space in your heart, his words stretched and made themselves at home. Settling in warmly. Coating the area with something akin to recognition and affection.

What were you to do with that? No one had ever told you words so earnestly. None having to do with being in your company.

Always glad to be with me.

Finding your soulmate’s red car parked, he opened the passenger side door and let you sit before he made his way to the driver’s side.

He drove all the way here just to help me find this book. He got us away. He…he’s always there for me.

A burning threat of tears stung your eyes and you repressed them. You didn’t want to worry Dick.

Everything’s fine. You mentally told yourself while incoherent and fumbled feelings tried supplying unwanted thoughts into your head. It was not the right time to decipher those fully. Thoughts of how perhaps you weren’t doing enough.

Clicks of the seatbelts caught your attention enough to quiet subconscious worries.

Enjoy your time with him. Darn the punishment a little longer. You exhaled slowly.

“Are you alright?” Dick asked, worry lining his eyebrows. 

You peered over to him and decided to answer in full. “I’m better. Just…calming down.”

“You can listen to the radio if you’d like.” He turned the key in the ignition.

“Mmm. It’s been a few days.”

“Since what?”

“Since I’ve listened to the radio or a vinyl.” Seeing his confused gaze, you quickly added, “Because I feel like I shouldn’t because I’m grounded.”

Dick stared at you for a moment, car still parked. Not really speechless, no matter how silent he was then, but concerned. Blue eyes searching for an answer. No questions brought up.

Softly, you patted your thighs.

“Yup.” You muttered.

It’s just the radio. Should I just turn music on? You snuck a peek at the controls. Should I say something?

“Are you afraid you’ll be in more trouble or are you,” he swallowed and continued, “afraid something might happen at home?”

Heat filled your body uncomfortably. A fear you didn’t want to face head on.

“I’m just trying to make as little disturbance at home as possible. Blend in to the furniture, I guess.”

With a new frown, Dick sank further into his seat. “I’m sorry you have to do that. And I’m more sorry that I can’t do anything.” His voice dropped, “I wish I could.”

Your heart ached at his words.

How do I keep worrying him?

“You do more than enough. More than I could think of asking. I never know how to express how much that means to me.” You leaned closer, placing your hand on his arm. “But I’ll gladly think of a million ways on the ride home.”

A tiny smile curled his lips.

“I’ll be okay at home. I promise.”

Sighing with a short nod, Dick put the car in drive and safely pulled out onto the street.

A lift home from a caring soulmate. Gratitude passed around with smiles. The radio’s volume loud enough to combat the air rushing by.

How lucky could you two be?

About two blocks away from your destination, you felt your anxiety and worry growing.

“Dick.”

“(Y/N)?” He smiled. Mood lifted enough to not register yours as easily.

“Can you drop me off a block away? Please?”

Dark eyebrows shifting from surprise to concern, he asked, “A block? Why?”

“Because I don’t want to chance it. What if they’re home? What if a neighbor sees too and tells them?”

“Alright.”

There was no argument. No brushing off your list of concerns. It was refreshing and highly appreciated by yourself.

“Thank you.” You said as the car was stopped in a safe area.

I’m going to hug him like there’s no tomorrow.

Unbuckling your seatbelt, you reached across the center console as Dick did. A hug was shared tightly. Your chin on his shoulder as he did the same to you in return.

There was much joy radiated between, regardless of how bittersweet the situation. All accompanied by a hope that neither of you would be separated without communication for too long.

I feel bad that he’s the friend I want to see the most. But, you thought and slowly pulled away, he’s my soulmate.

You had missed him so much already with his genuine smiles and you were both a little too close to another criminal encounter. Being lucky and grateful, you thought of something. You could express a little more gratitude for him going into the city to help you. Something sweet. An action he would be okay with.

“Also.” You gently held his jawline between your hands. “If I may?”

His eyes widened, but he nodded. Keeping his arms on the center console.

“Thank you,” you kissed his right cheek, “and thank you.” You pressed a kiss to his other cheek.

Dick’s lips pulled into a wide smile.

Sparks and rolls of warm emotions informed you just how much your gesture affected him.

“You’re welcome.”

“Now get yourself home, okay?”

“I will.” He reached up and gave your hands a squeeze. “I’ll wait here until I see you’re going inside.”

“I’ll be quick.”

After eventually letting each other go, you gathered your belongings and stepped out of the car.

“Tell everyone I said ‘hi’, okay?”

“Sure thing.”

“See yah,” you waved.

“Hopefully soon.” Dick waved back, still smiling.

✧ ✧ ✧

A busy afternoon led the young ward to return to the stately Wayne Manor.

Much work was to be done. The essay!

Flutters and waves of conflicting emotion left Dick Grayson in an odd state of contentment. Between his soulmate’s punishment, spending time with you, the criminal in the library, and the two kisses he received — Dick was a little dizzy. Happily so given the latter.

“Dick,” Bruce set down a book, “are you all right? You look lost in thought.”

“I’m fine.” Dick did a quick check, looking for his aunt. Walking to stand close to Bruce, he informed him of what he witnessed at the library.

They were both hushed in their exchange.

Thankfully, the police could handle it. They were fully capable of handling the criminals.

The youth leaned on the furniture. A little forlorn that he wouldn’t be suiting up as Robin, however content to remain home. His thoughts were still on his soulmate after all.

Dick smiled to himself.

Images of you searching books, holding his hand, and being close all ran through his mind like a movie he wanted on repeat. He enjoyed every moment.

If only they weren’t in trouble with their guardian, Dick thought with a pout. It’s ridiculous. He crossed his arms.

Peering over at his ward, Bruce inquired, “Did you help (Y/N) find what they were looking for prior to…seeing the pieces of art?”

The mere sound of your name lit a happy hum in the youth’s mood.

Perhaps that was Bruce’s purpose for mentioning you. He did know his ward well enough.

“I did. They chose to write about Edgar Allan Poe’s writings for their paper.”

“Intriguing choice.”

“I know.” Dick chuckled and added, “They’re going to let me read it when they’re finished.”

“Then it looks like you’ll be adding an essay to your summer reading list.”

“Sure will.”

Dick was more curious to read your essay. To read your thoughts and see how your words flowed across a page.

What would he learn? How would he feel? Should he give you something in return?

“Before you an read (Y/N)’s essay, you better work on your own.” Bruce advised.

Blue eyes widened in realization.

“I almost forgot. Thanks, Bruce.” He said bashfully. “Oh! And (Y/N) says ‘hi’.”

The man smiled. “Hopefully we can all greet each other in person.”

“That’s what I’ve been thinking.” Dick exclaimed as he strode out of the room.

“Be patient, Dick.”

Patience. What’s patience going to do if their guardian decides to pick and choose when (Y/N) has been ‘bad’? What do they even tell (Y/N)? Are they mean or worse? Is it calm? And they were talking about parties instead of asking if I wanted to talk to (Y/N) or give me a chance to ask!

Trudging up the stairs didn’t last long as Dick made his way back to his room. A paper needed completing.

It was clear that Dick wasn’t happy with how your guardian had decided to handle things, but that was something he could not get involved in. No matter how desperately he wanted to. He wanted to ask why. He wanted to defend you. To find reason to it all. But he had to hold that in. If anything, it would add some fuel to any future punches as Robin. Relieve frustration.

Not the most healthy choice, but the thought might be present then. That and how you knew he was Robin. A completely different thought he was not ready to add to any time soon.

He’d save you from a day of stress and panic if he could. The last thing he wanted was to be the cause of it, again. That, he could control if it was only his words.

You two were separated and it felt different, tainted.

Dick just had to wait. Trusting you could take care of yourself. You had done so this long. The least he could do was be patient.

He saw on his bed with a soft sigh.

(Y/N) want to blend in to the furniture at home. What…what would (Y/N)’s guardian say if (Y/N) acted more…? He frowned. What have they told (Y/N) in the past?

The thoughts and images they produced made him feel uncomfortable. He was still unsure how to process your words from earlier. It only made him realize how little he knew of your home life.

But they promised they would be okay at home.

Sat with wondering thoughts, Dick Grayson knew he would pay even more attention to his soulmate’s guardian. Perhaps answers to his growing questions could be found without asking.

Who said he had to be dressed as Robin to find answers?

✧ ✧ ✧

Home. A place of rest, shelter, and essentials.

In Gotham City, a Friday evening could hold promises of fun and entertainment. The end of the work week.

Or the continuation of schoolwork for some.

Sitting on your bed beside your beloved Sir Hopps, you wrote something down onto the extra papers. Schoolwork off to the side. Writing your thoughts and more seemed to help. All of them kept in their own small keepsake box. Dated and filled with your inner most thoughts, feelings, and dreams. To get them out of yourself. All were addressed to your soulmate, however none were to leave the box. Not any time soon. You had wondered if you should stick them in a journal, easier to read through.

It helped when you only had your plush bunny to confide in. He was easier to talk to than most. Never told a secret in his blue fluffy life.

Sir Hopps and yourself were the only ones in the household who knew your trip to the library included more than finding a book.

Not that my guardian really cared. You thought. I don’t think they know who Poe is. Maybe I’m wrong. Who knows?

No more trouble befell you at home. No added punishment.

You were left to your own activities.

That was good news as much as having the outline for your essay almost finished. Marking down where the sources from the book were to be placed practically made it a guide—easier. Added that you wrote snippets around them.

Holed up in your bedroom made writing and taking breaks feel more natural. You didn’t have to physically pretend it was difficult or that your hand cramped to justify your actions. There was no one to judge with eyes or words.

Sir Hopps certainly wasn’t going to voice criticism.

You were certainly calm in your room. So much so that you could sense Dick’s contentment.

He could be doing anything right now. Well…not anything. Writing or reading maybe.

Placing another note into the keepsake box, you closed it and hid it underneath your bed.

“I can’t wait until summer,” you murmured to Sir Hopps.

I shouldn’t be grounded for too much longer. Another week maybe. I’m still doing well in school. I haven’t even looked at ingredients for cookies.

You flicked at a piece of paper.

Maybe it’s a good thing Dick doesn’t visit here. You thought bitterly. My guardian isn’t always as fun s they sound. And Dick is…fun. He’s a close friend, trustworthy, caring—so caring—and so many other things. My soulmate. A warmth tickled your chest at the word. You smiled. He’s brave too. Generous. Intelligent.

What fun you two could have if given the chance?

You returned to lounging on your bed.

Tired from a day of school and more, you groaned at the sound of the phone ringing in another room.

No. You dropped your head onto the mattress. Are they playing phone tag or something?

It only rang once more.

A relief to you as well as an itching suspicion.

Hopefully it’s nothing.

In a matter of minutes, there was a knock on your door before it opened. Your guardian stepped in.

Sitting up, your heart leaped, all your senses on alert.

“That was Lauren. She invited us to see a movie.”

Charlotte’s mom. She’d been talking about convincing her mom to go.

Your guardian looked at you expectantly.

“Anyone home?” They asked.

“I’m allowed to go?” You questioned hesitantly.

“Yes, why?”

“I am grounded.”

There was a pause in their movements. A crease between their brows.

Are they serious?

They shrugged and replied, “And now it’s done with.” Heading out of your room, they left the door wide open. “Get ready for the movie, if you’re going.”

“I’m going.” You responded and rushed to your closet.

A punishment over?

An outing with others to watch a movie?

A wonder how fast your night could change by one person’s decision.

. . .

Movie theater seating to a soiree. A group of friends sat waiting for the show to begin. It was debatable who talked more: the teenagers or the adults.

You sat between your friends. Your guardian, Charlotte’s mom, and Nathaniel were on your left. On your right sat Charlotte, Lucy, and Lucy’s younger brother Roger.

All of which chatted amongst themselves. Each keen in their own right about the weekend ahead.

I guess I can be excited too, you thought. I’m not in trouble any more. Officially. I can have dessert again, watch the television on Sunday night, maybe bake something, and I can call Dick. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled. Maybe more than me. Probably.

“You’re free now.” Charlotte rejoiced and squeezed your arm for a moment.

Reflectively, you stilled, however said, “Let’s not jinx it.”

“I won’t jinx anything.”

“Right. And who can’t write about their theories on hidden treasures?” Nathaniel leaned forward to question.

“Coincidence.”

“You shouldn’t have started writing it before it was approved,” you said. “But you could turn it into a book one day. Don’t waste it.”

“It would make a good story.” Lucy added.

“No. It was suppose to be my essay.” Charlotte whined and sat back in the seat.

“It’s okay.”

Charlotte sighed dramatically and turned to you.

You rose an eyebrow.

“How come you’re not writing yours about soulmates? I’m sure it would’ve been approved.”

“What? No.” Your quick response caught your friends’ attention.

“Why not? It could be a journey of how you and Grayson met and how your relationship blossomed. How the city found out. The drama. The secret dates—.”

“Dates? We’re not dating.”

“Really?”

“Well, do you consider doing homework and practicing different languages a date?” You laughed.

Beside you, Nathaniel chuckled.

“It would depend on what you’re whispering in the other languages.” Charlotte teased, snickering.

The others joined in. Perhaps not fully able to imagine you doing so.

“Hey, now.” You defended yourself. “It’s strictly what’s in the books…and Mister Wayne would know what we’re saying. But we’d probably say something silly.” A small laugh escaped you.

The thought of saying something in another language to Dick in the manor and it being purposely funny made you smile. But to say something flirtatious? What Charlotte was hinting at? That thought sent more uneasiness than butterflies in your stomach.

I couldn’t do that, you thought. That wouldn’t be right when Mister Wayne is usually right there. Or Mrs. Cooper! No, no, no. Absolutely not. Woo. And I’m pretty sure Dick would flush for a week straight. You slouched in the seat. Heck! I’d hide for a week straight! That wouldn’t be appropriate. We’re not like that.

Charlotte leaned over and added, “I did say ‘whisper’, you know.”

“Do you like like him?” Lucy asked.

Your hands wrung themselves into your sweater.

“He’s great. I just… We’re still getting to know one another. We’re friends.”

“It’s been more than two months. How much time do you need?” Charlotte inquired seriously.

“We’re not rushing anything,” you informed them. Heat rose to your neck uncomfortably. “We’re not expiring fruit. We don’t need to date or anything.”

“(Y/N) likes him.” Nathaniel declared.

Hushed laughter surrounded you and you sunk further into the seat.

Of course I like him. Just…not how they’re seeing it, you thought. He’s my best friend. He’s really great and sweet. I don’t… I’m still getting used to having someone like him in my life. Knowing he’s my soulmate is still something I have to tell myself is real.

You inwardly sighed in relief as the room’s lights dimmed low.

Just enjoy the movie. Listen to Nathaniel’s critique and we should all head home. Nothing has changed with Dick. Everything’s fine. You thought as you calmed yourself. He’s probably writing his essay though.

The film reel started and all talk in the theater dissipated. Audience members were treated to entertainment of screen and sound.

You were granted over an hour of doing absolutely nothing. A well needed break where all attention was focused elsewhere.

What a delight. A relief!

Hopefully the start of a much calmer week to come.

✧ ✧ ✧

A beautiful Sunday afternoon. Inside the Wayne Manor, young Dick Grayson was surrounded by notes and paper.

Having written in his room the days prior, he had decided to work on his end of term paper in the sitting room.

Open space, a couch, and a well appreciated plate of cookies. All the comforts a youth needed.

Once I finish this paper, it’s a huge step to spending summer break with (Y/N), thought Dick as he chewed a cookie. We could do so much. Swimming at the beach, visiting a museum, or going somewhere to eat or playing games.

Before he knew it, another school year would be over.

If he was this busy, he could rightly guess you were as well.

What else do they do whey they’re not busy? Do they read during the summer? He wondered. Maybe I can ask them to go somewhere over the summer. Just the two of us again. They seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. I hope. That milkshake was really good.

Reaching for his glass of milk, he took a long sip.

It was a rather easy day. Easy weekend overall. No unexpected visitors. No cases to solve. No charities to attend.

Dick set the glass of milk down as the phone rang on a side table.

Nearby, Alfred walked over to answer the phone. His voice hushed.

In his chest, Dick felt a tingling of excitement. Muffled and not his own, which only made him hope you had done something for yourself. For once.

Alfred directed his attention to the wide-eyed and hopeful youth.

“I’ll let him know.” The butler smiled. “It’s good to hear from you as well, (mx) (Y/N).”

Dick leapt to his feet before the older man could set the phone on the table’s surface or even say any more.

Chuckling, Alfred handed Dick the phone and walked away.

“Hello?” Dick asked, barely holding in his enthusiasm.

“Hey, Dick.” Your voice had a chipper tone. “How are you?”

How was he?

“I’m great. How are you? Are you home?” He rushed out his words.

The sound of your light laughter entered his ear and sent a grin to his face.

“I’m pretty good. Sitting in the study and eating some cookies.”

“Me too. The cookies, I mean.”

“Oh and,” you drew out the word. “I am officially no longer in trouble.”

“Holy relief!”

“Yeah. It was ridiculous, but it is what it is.” Your voice then raised suddenly for a second as you added, “And apparently it wasn’t all that important enough for my guardian to remember when getting an invitation.”

Dick shifted his weight on his feet.

“What do you mean? They forgot?”

“I think so… Doubt it. At least when they were on the phone Friday, they forgot. Charlotte’s mom called asking if we’d like to go see a movie. They basically brushed the whole punishment off when I reminded them.”

“That’s—.”

“Ridiculous.”

“Yes.” He gestured with his free hand sharply.

Good, he thought, they know, but I can’t believe it ended like that. Wait.

“Is your guardian there?” He asked.

“They’re still rummaging through their closet.”

He breathed out a sigh of relief. “You’re alright?”

“Yes. I told you that I would.”

“I know. I…” He frowned.

What did he think? What had he been feeling about the situation? Was it appropriate to tell you?

Breathing in, Dick decided it was not the time. Bruce had already told him Thursday that he couldn’t be involved in others’ household matter. I wasn’t his place. H was a teenager. Yet he was also your soulmate and friend.

“Dick?”

“I needed to know if you were all right.”

His voice was small. He feared you could sense the breaking in his heart at the very thought of you being fearful of attracting more punishment at home and of his fear of what the punishments could turn into.

Holding the phone with both hands, it was a struggle to hold back a wave of words.

Change the subject.

He swallowed as he sensed your warm emotions spreading up his throat from his chest. They were good feelings, but he could not name them then. Muffled, but there.

“We need a day without school related anything and do something together.” You said, interrupting the quiet. “Something fun. Simple maybe.”

“You could come over here.”

He was relieved by the sound of your suggestion.

“We can do whatever you want.”

At his words, Dick could almost feel Bruce’s gaze on the side of his head.

A short laugh greeted his ear from the phone. It eased a smile onto his lips.

“Sure.” You said. “I’ll think of something after I revise my paper. Can’t distract myself too much. The last week of school shouldn’t be too bad and I’m ready for it to be over.”

“If neither of us are busy the last week of school, we might be able to see each other.”

Dick, honestly, could hardly wait much longer to see you again. No school, no secrecy, and no necessary work. He’d take hours of a party or charity dinner if it meant spending real time with you.

You hummed, “That could work. I’ll be sure to ask my guardian ahead of time. Better yet, mention it and get them onboard with the idea before asking. They’re always weird about me not going out.”

He shook his head.

The guardian is like a multi-dimensional puzzle. Not the fun kind by the sounds of it. Only some times, hopefully.

“We’ll make a plan, then?” You inquired cheerfully.

“We will.”

“Cool. Okay, um. I have to get back to my paper and cookies.”

Dick snickered. He couldn’t help it. You helped bring it out of him.

“And so do you.” You added with an air of humor. “Then the next time we see each other I can catch you up on the spider drama at school and what happened to my friend Lucy after we saw a movie.”

“It’s a drama now?”

What could’ve happened? It was a spider!

“Yup. But you have to wait for the details.”

“Can the days go by any faster?”

“Cross your fingers and tell everyone I said ‘hi’.”

“I will. Talk to you soon.” He was practically bouncing on his feet.

“I’m just a phone call away.”

“Bye.” He held the phone a little longer.

“Bye, Dick.”

The call ended and the young ward felt like he swam through a river of different emotions. Overwhelming joy from hearing your voice, relief from knowing you were no longer under restrictions from punishment, frustration from hearing anything about your guardian in the past two weeks, worry form knowing you feared getting in more trouble from mundane actions, and building excitement knowing he could see you again soon.

It was a bit much, however conversations had the opportunity to be pushed anywhere. If it was with you, he’d gladly go.

Having already hung up the phone and sat back down, Dick Grayson faced the questioning gaze of Bruce Wayne.

“Everything is well with (Y/N), I hope?” Bruce’s question was punctuated with a tiny smile.

“Yes and they say ‘hi’ again.”

“Goodness me,” Aunt Harriet walked into the room, having overheard them. “It’s been far too long since they’ve came around here. Poor dear has been cooped up at home.”

“Yeah,” Dick sighed. “Just them and Sir Hopps.”

His aunt’s eyebrows pinched together. “Who’s Sir Hopps?”

(If you love my writings and want to support me, I have a Ko-Fi where you can buy me a coffee. I would be eternally grateful.

~~~

Part 5 -> "A Walk Amongst Emotions"

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Best wishes and happy reading.)

~~~~~

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[buckysgrace]

Chapter Eighteen

Previous Chapter

The sun was drifting below the horizon, mixtures of pink and orange shone in the sky as Billy drove them away from Hopper’s house. Max had indeed been a few minutes late but El didn’t look the least bit upset when she came out. She had even tried to get the older teens to stay for a bit but they both had resisted.

A comfortable silence filled the car but Kim was still fighting to keep her jealousy from spilling out all over herself. She wanted to know if Billy had actually been planning on setting a date up with Tina and if he had followed through on those said plans. She didn’t want him to do it. She wanted to keep him distracted enough with her that he wouldn’t want anyone else. 

She was losing her mind. She was sure of it. Billy wasn’t her boyfriend, he never would be. One day she would simply think of him as a mistake that occurred in her youth. There would never be a future between the two of them. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t fair that he got to see other people while she was stuck with no options as he had shut them all down. If she had to be alone, then he should have to be the same way.

She had mental pictures of herself reaching across the car and rubbing her hand across the front of his pants, of putting herself out there to let him know that she was desperate to feel him and that he didn’t have to go anywhere else to get off. She was right here . She couldn’t find the confidence in herself though, instead drifting off and imagining all of the things she could be doing right now instead of sitting in silence. She used her scrunchie to pull her long, red hair up again to distract her hands with something to do. Billy must’ve had similar thoughts, at least thinking about how they were a safe distance away as he pulled his car over to the side of the road. She peered at him curiously.

“What are you doing?” She asked but she already knew the answer as he unbuckled his seatbelt. He chuckled and reached across the console to unbuckle her as well, his fingers lingering near her bare skin.

“Just thought I’d make sure you didn’t get hurt anywhere else. Why don’t you crawl in the back?” The smell of his fresh cigarettes hit her nose as she stared into his blue eyes. She hesitated for a moment, still thinking about the way he had spoken to Tina.

“Are you sure you want me back there and not someone else?” She had tried to play her tone off as casual but it was so embarrassingly obvious what she meant as the jealousy dripped off of her tone. Billy’s smile turned into a smirk as he took in her appearance. She kept her arms crossed over her chest, pretending that nothing was wrong.

“Awe, is the little princess jealous that I was talking to someone else?” He mocked and she felt her insides growing even warmer. She did not like when he treated her as if she was a child. At least not right yet. She scoffed, trying to collect her composure as his large hand gripped her knee.

“I have nothing to be jealous of.” She replied shortly, cursing herself as the heat from his hand traveled straight to his core. She was still feeling the after effects of their makeout session in the bathroom. She wished she had let him take her then and there. She wished she could’ve seen Tina’s face when they both exited with flushed cheeks, swollen lips and messy hair.

“You really don’t. You’re a much better kisser than her.” Billy praised as he moved his hands to cup her chubby cheeks. She was disgruntled. She liked when he spoke highly of her but at the same time she didn’t like being compared to the other girls he had been with. She knew it was just sex, but didn’t want to just become another girl on his list.

He squeezed her cheeks playfully, pouting out her lips as he turned her face to look at him roughly, her eyes slightly widening as he ran his tongue across his teeth, “Are you going to be a little brat tonight? Or a good girl?” Her heart was pounding in her chest as she felt the sensation growing between her legs. She was still a bit upset, but couldn’t imagine trying to sleep with the strong throbbing pulsing through her body. She swallowed hard, her face slightly burning from the grip he had on her face.

“I’m your good girl,” She whispered out pathetically, her words slightly mumbling as her tongue hit along where her cheeks were protruding in her mouth, “I’ll listen.” Billy’s smile grew as he bent forward and placed a chaste kiss on her nose. She blinked in surprise at his actions, unexpecting to his sweet touch. He released his grip on her face.

“Get in the back.” She didn’t waste any time, shoving the stuffed duck onto the ground as she crawled over the middle console. A yelp left her mouth as his rough hand smacked against her backside, ringing in the car. She glanced around nervously. The windows were down and the sun was still up high enough to spit out light. If anyone drove by slowly she thought for sure that they would be able to see the two of them. 

It was a lot more cramped in the back, she thought. Max was a lot shorter than her and seemed to have plenty of room. Meanwhile, Kim’s knees dug into the back of the passenger seat in this position. Billy chuckled as he walked around and opened the door opposite to her.

“You’re gonna need to undress, babe. You’re not going to be sitting like that either.” She looked towards him, full of naivety and concern as he bent his head down to look at her. His expression softened as he searched her face before reaching a hand out towards her. She took it, ignoring how well his hand still fit in hers as she scooted towards him. 

“You want me naked?” She asked as she felt the blush spreading across her face. Billy nodded and she felt the concern rising in her chest, knowing she wouldn’t be able to hide if anyone were to drive by. She was really starting to feel insecure. It was one thing to be naked in the bedroom or even in the shower, but to be outside in the backseat of his car? It felt completely wrong and unnatural for her. 

“I’ve got you,” He promised as his hands traced against her navel, lifting the hem of her shirt up higher so her belly button was exposed, “No one is going to see you but me, I won’t let anything happen to you.” Her words were comforting and she nodded, yet her heart was still thumping in her chest and her mind still reminding her that this was a bad idea.

“No one will see?” She asked as he pulled her top over her head, leaving her only in her blue bra as she fought the urge to place her hands over her chest and hide away. He nodded, but she was unsure if he even heard her as he stared at her cleavage. She inhaled deeply, trusting him as his fingers worked at unsnapping the back of her bra. She felt it fall forward, watching as his hands shimmied it off of her. 

She didn’t have time to cover herself before his hands were kneading at her breasts and pinching at her nipples. It was strange for her to think that someone playing with her boobs could feel so good. A soft sigh left her mouth as he bent down and connected his wet mouth around her hard nipple. She exhaled slowly, her hands lingering in the back of his blonde curls as his wet tongue swirled circles around her nipple.

“No one. You’re all mine.” He finally answered as he pulled away, his hands looping through her jeans before beginning to tug them down around her waist. She lifted her butt off of the seat and when she lowered it she tried to ignore the hot seats as her bare skin rubbed against it. He quickly pulled at her shoes, throwing them in different directions in the car as he shimmied her jeans the rest of the way off. His words had an odd effect on her as she thought about what exactly he meant by she’s all his. She closed her legs before he could pry them apart, completely embarrassed that she more than likely had a wet spot showing. She could see from this angle the red marks on her knees from where she fell earlier. 

“I can do it.” She mumbled as she  moved her feet away from him. She felt his eyes burning into her skin as she removed her socks and slowly slid out of her panties, keeping the damp underwear away from his eyes. His eyes ate her up as she moved slowly and shyly, unsure of how to sit against the hot seat without getting her wet slick everywhere. Billy shifted his head inside, leaning down to cup her face and kiss her hotly. Her tongue slid against his as he gently cupped her chin, making sure to not hit the sore area as he kissed her harder, flicking his tongue deeper inside of her mouth. Her bottom was burning from where the hot sun had sinked into the leather seats but she almost didn’t care as long as he kept kissing her like this.

“Do you want to feel my cock?” He asked when they pulled away. She looked up at his bruised face, watching how his blonde curls dangled limply across his forehead. She nodded her head stiffly, growing even more wet from the dirty words that left his mouth, “You’ll have to do better than that.” Billy’s hand lightly tapped the right side of her cheek as she stared up at him. Her eyes wandered to where his shirt was slightly opened and she found her hands reaching to fiddle with the buttons. He put a tight grip around her hand, completely silent as he stared at her and waited for her to answer. She swallowed hard.

“Yes,” She breathed out deeply looking up at him through hooded eyes, “I want your cock.” Her tongue felt numb from the word that rolled off of it but she ignored the feeling as he quickly pulled his shirt over his head. Her hand reached out to trace at his muscular chest, soaking in the warmth that she felt growing against her pale hand. 

“You gonna be good?” He asked again and she quickly nodded her head. His eyes narrowed again and she breathed her words out quickly, not wanting to upset him anymore.

“I’ll be so good for you,” She whined watching as his large hands took hold of her waist. She wanted to reach between them and take his jeans off but he was quick to turn her around, “What are we doing?” She asked confused as he placed her on her hands and knees in the seat. She was careful to avoid the buckles sticking out but her already sore knees burned from the hot leather rubbing against them. She felt Billy’s hand traveling up her spin until he shoved her face down into the black seat, her cheek soaking in the burning sensation as he crawled over top of her.

“Need to fuck the jealousy out of you, hm? Make you remember how good we feel together?” She felt his swollen tip rubbing between her folds, teasing her as she just barely rubbed against her entrance. She whined, trying to nod but he had taken a tight hold to her pony tail to keep her face pressed against the seat and she found no way to move.

“Yes, Billy. Please fuck me,” She moaned as he continued his movements of rubbing his dick along her aching heat. She wanted nothing more than for him to push inside of her and give her what she was so desperately craving, “Billy,” She yelped when he pulled at her hair, desperately trying to grind back against him, “Fuck me.” She repeated, practically begging as she felt his tip slowly push inside her eager hole. She didn’t even have enough in her to ask about condoms as his other hand slammed against her bottom, spanking her so hard that she was sure the animals in the field could hear.

“So fucking desperate,” He chastised as he moved both hands towards her waist, she grew eager as she felt him thrust forward, “You sure you deserve your big brothers cock?” It took all of her might to not reach forward and bite onto the seats with as much frustration that was racing through her veins. She was clenching around nothing, urgently trying to push him inside of her as she moaned below him.

“Yes, yes I deserve it,” She squeaked out as he roughly pulled her hips back against his, still not entering her as his dick slid between her folds again. She was sure she was dripping onto his car with as needy as she felt, “Been so good for you. Please.” She turned her head to look at the boy standing behind her. She noted how he hadn’t even bothered to pull his jeans fully off, instead they cupped his thick thighs. She wondered if it would’ve been better for her to keep part of her pants on to keep her knees from stinging.

“You’ve been good?” He questioned as he leaned over her, holding onto her ass and she fought the moan as she felt him completely cover her hole with his dick. She nodded frantically, her cheek stinging in the same way her knees did. Her nipples stung at the feeling of being pressed against the leather.

“Yes, Billy,” She whimpered pathetically, feeling some drool slide out of the corner of her mouth as she kept her eyes trailed on him, “It hurts, need you to make me feel better.” She pleaded as her fingers dug into the side of his seats. He grinned, leaning over her face and for a moment she thought he would kiss the corner of her mouth again.

Instead, he spit on her cheek, the drool dribbling down onto her mouth as she stared at him stunned. She was completely turned on, the desperation and lust inside her intensifying as he took a hold of himself and slid into her wet hole. Her eyes fluttered shut as he moved inside of her soaking walls, slowly pulling himself all the way out again before slamming into her. She felt a slight burn inside of her when he did that but nothing she couldn’t handle. She was a moaning mess underneath him, clawing at the seats and fighting to keep her legs pried together as he hit against her sweet spot in this angle. She thought of how good it had felt in the shower and was beginning to prefer being fucked this way.

“Oh my god,” She panted out as he gripped her hips harshly and drilled into her, his dick sliding into her with ease, “You treat me so good, such a good big brother.” She whined out, more for his enjoyment than her own. He seemed to get off on that a lot more than she did, she noted as she heard his loud groaning coming from above her. His hips snapped forward more roughly as he reached between them to flick at her clit every few seconds. She felt her toes curl and thighs tighten at the sensation.

He reached down and grabbed her ponytail, yanking on her hair as he rammed deeply into her shaking body. Kim’s whole body felt overwhelmed as her face scraped against the rough, roasting seat. Her nails dug into the cushion and she felt her eyebrows furrowing together as the pleasure overcame her. All she could focus on was the way his cock dragged in and out of her and the sounds that echoed out the windows. 

“You have the best pussy, princess,” He rolled his hips forward as his tip brushed against her g-spot repeatedly, pushing her forward so her head smacked against the side of the door, “So fucking tight and wet.” He groaned as he tugged on her hair again. She licked her lips, feeling the urge to cum growing bigger inside of her. Sweat was dripping down the back of her neck and onto the seats, causing her to slide around more.

Kim never wanted to stop feeling him inside of her, no matter how wrong it was. She was coming to realize that until she found someone that would make her feel this good she wouldn’t survive. She needed him the same way that she needed air.

“So close,” She whimpered out as more saliva slipped out of her mouth, coating her squished cheek with wetness as he rocked her into the car, “Billy, oh my god!” She whined rolling her hips back to meet his hard thrusts. She could hear the older boy grunting above her, squeezing the flesh of her ass before smacking it harshly. Her toes were curling as he kept her legs shoved far apart, making her take his powerful thrusts.

“You gonna cream all over my cock, baby?” He cooed at her before spitting on her cheek again. It trailed into her open mouth, her tongue licking out slowly to wipe away the saliva. Kim panted, her walls fluttering around his throbbing cock as she chased her high. Billy was groaning louder, his movements stalling more often as he gripped her tightly.

“Yes!” She cried out, trying to grind back against as best as she could, “F-fuck!” She cursed in pleasure as she felt herself coming undone around him. He grabbed her hair again, pulling her head up to force her to look at him. She stared at his flushed expression, his swollen lips and the way his blonde curls stuck to the front of his forehead.

“Look at me, baby.” He rasped out as his thrusts became more shallow. She stared into his blue eyes, resisting the urge to shut her own as her orgasm shook her whole body. She panted and watched the way his necklace bounced against his chest. She had an urge to turn and grab for it and pull him even closer to her. She clenched her fingers into the side of the chair again when she felt his warm fluid soaking inside of her. She gaped, watching the way his mouth opened and sounds of pleasure leaving his mouth. She felt her insides curl in awe as she watched him, feeling the excitement grow inside her.

“Billy,” She whimpered as her legs shook, her walls clutching his cock deep inside of her. She didn’t want him to pull out. No matter how badly the seats burnt, she could stay here forever as long as he never moved away from her, “It feels really good.” She breathed out a laugh as she closed her eyes. Both sides of her cheeks were damp from a mixture of sweat and spit. He rubbed his large hands across her soft curves, squeezing the soft flesh on her sides.

“I know, baby,” He chuckled and she felt a groan leave her mouth when he began to slide out of her soaked pussy, “You did so good though. Always so good for me.” Billy mumbled as he rubbed her butt softly. He moved her gently so she could sit up, thankful for the relief against her cheek. She sat on her side awkwardly, feeling the mixture of their cum between her legs. She gasped softly when the wind tickled the back of her neck. 

“Thank you.” She mumbled bashfully as he pulled his boxers and jeans up. He leaned forward and grabbed paper towels before dabbing her cheeks clean. She was a bit confused over how sweet he was still acting towards her.

“That wasn’t too much was it?” He looked more serious as he threw the paper napkins out to the side of him, “You know if there’s ever anything that’s too much you can tell me to stop. You know that, right?” Billy asked, looking concerned as he looked at her reddened cheek. She stared at him for a moment before nodding quickly.

“I know that,” She was grateful for her already reddened face so he couldn’t see her blush, “I like what we do. It feels good,” She giggled as she pulled at her ponytail again, “It makes me feel naughty.” She whispered so low she almost wished he wouldn’t hear her. He chuckled as he began to pick up her scattered clothes. She wished they didn’t have to get dressed, she’d stay here all night naked with him if it meant he’d hold her again.

She watched cautiously as he began to dress her again, noting how he had forgotten to clean her, “Hold on a second.” She began to reach forward to grab napkins from the console but he shooed her hand away. She looked at him oddly as the smirk grew on his face.

“You don’t need to be cleaned up yet.” He responded plainly as he pulled her underwear up towards her knees. She could still feel the mixture of them dripping down her thighs and did not like the idea of walking around with it dripping out of her pussy.

“Why?” She didn’t understand why she couldn’t get fully cleaned up as he bent forward and pressed a kiss against her cheek. She blinked at him as he looked down between her legs where his cum was leaking out of her. She gasped when he reached his fingers down and pushed the liquid back up inside of her.

“Always wanted to do that,” He mumbled taking her surprised appearance as a way to pull her panties up over her bottom, “It’s so fucking how thinking about you walking around with my cum inside of you. Dad and Susan won’t even know.” Her face burned in humiliation yet she could feel the lower half of her body reacting in a different way as he began to pull up her jeans around her waist. She couldn’t find it in herself to protest as she buttoned her jeans back up, feeling the mixture sitting heavily inside of her and pooling into her underwear as she nodded. If Billy was choosing her to do this with then she would suck it up and do it. Just to get the praise she so desperately craved from him.

“Okay,” She responded bashfully as she pulled her socks on. He reached over to grab her shoes, “All night?” He gave her a playful look as he pressed his lips against her nose again. She didn’t say anything, but she really wanted to to kiss him again. She really enjoyed the way their lips moved together. He pulled away and slid his shirt over his shoulders. He didn’t bother to button it as he pulled his blonde curls out of the back of it. She tried not to stare at his sweaty chest.

“I got something for you.” He mumbled before he climbed out of the car and popped his trunk. She focused on tying her shoes and not the wet mixture sloshing around inside of her. It felt so good yet so wrong at the same time. She’d be walking inside their house, in front of her mom with her stepbrothers cum coating her pussy.

“You got that for me?” She felt her eyes widen and a grin build as he stepped around the car again, holding the stuffed cow from the claw machine. He looked bashful as he stuck it out towards her, his expression grumpy as she ran her pale hands over the soft fur and gave it a squeeze. She grinned up at him, excited as she waited for him to speak.

“Only because you fell on my skates and cut yourself,” He muttered like it was no big deal but she knew it was, “Thought you deserved something fun out of the day.” Her heart was racing again as she watched him kick at the ground with his boot. She thought he looked oddly cute at the moment, denying that he had done anything nice for her. She squished it against her chest, knowing he’d never allow her to hug him.

“Billy, I had fun regardless. But thank you,” She squealed as she pulled the cow away to look at it again, “He’s so cute!” She exclaimed as she crawled to the front of the seat and buckled up again, holding the cow on her lap like a small child. He looked a bit more amused as he watched her.

“Better than your duck?” He questioned looking unsure as his fingers fidgeted around his keys. She handed him a cigarette and he looked even more surprised. She was beaming on the inside.

“Fuck the duck!” She laughed holding the cow up so it was inches away from her face, “I got a cow!” She didn’t even care if she sounded childish. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had given her a present other than on her birthday or for Christmas. She was going to place it on her bed, giving it the highest honor.

“You’re odd,” Billy chuckled as he started the car again, his shirt still undone as he pulled back onto the road. Kim was basically bouncing with joy, her feelings of jealousy gone from earlier. She bet that he hadn’t ever gotten Tina or anyone else a stuffed cow before, “But really cute.” Billy smirked as he viewed her now bashful expression. She still wasn’t used to being called cute by anyone, much less by him. She had seen the girls he had been with before and she wasn’t sure why he picked her over them.

“You like it.” She did her best to tease him as he turned his music up loudly again. She was brewing with happiness as she hugged her stuffed animal to her chest and watched as night settled in through the woods. The last bit of sunlight disappeared as they made their way back home and Kim was growing anxious at what Neil and her mother would say when they returned. They had already explained where they’d be at, but that didn’t mean Neil wouldn’t pretend that the conversations had never happened. He always needed someone else to blame and be mad at. She just hoped he wouldn’t get physical with Billy again.

“I like it a lot,” He spoke up as his hand rested against her thigh, “So cows are your favorite animal?” She nodded enthusiastically. She liked their pouty noses and their big brown eyes. 

“My dads parents had a dairy farm for a while, so I got to pet them a few times,” She didn’t remember much of her grandparents. When Susan had cut her dad, Sam, off his parents had protested by completely ignoring their two grandchildren. Somehow it became their fault too, “What’s your favorite animal?” She asked him curiously as she turned to watch him. Billy furrowed his eyebrows together.

“I don’t think I have one. I’ve never really thought about it.” Billy shrugged as he drove. She waited for him to reach for another cigarette but never did. She frowned at his words, not quite believing them. 

“Oh, come on. You have to have a favorite animal, I mean, everyone does.” She spoke unsure as she stared at him. She watched him, looking at how he genuinely looked confused. She pondered if Neil would even allow him to talk about that. She felt a rush of guilt filling her at that thought. 

“Maybe a cat?” He shook his head, “What does it matter? It’s dumb anyways.” She listened as the irritation dripped into his voice. She could tell she was pushing too far but she decided to try again anyways. She pawed at his arm playfully.

“If I draw you a cat picture you have to hang it up in your room. Promise?” She asked, looking at him completely seriously. He glanced at her oddly again but she could see the corner of his lips trying not to turn into a smile. She felt pretty proud over that.

“Okay, I’ll hang up your picture of a cat.” He said finally as they neared the driveway. She grinned widely and turned to face the front window, excited about drawing about the first time. She’d draw a hundred pictures just for him. Billy parked in the familiar spot outside of the garage, she noticed that Neil's truck was already parked inside. Kim peeked around for a moment, not noticing anyone as she took in a breath of confidence. She leaned over the console to press a kiss against his cheek. She pulled away quickly, unsure of how to feel when he looked at her confused. 

“Thank you for cleaning me up earlier.” She pressed the button to unbuckle herself watching as his hands did the same. He smiled softly at her, and she could feel her heart racing in her chest as a warm feeling spread throughout her body. 

“It wasn’t that bad,” He smiled as he pushed the car door open, “You really didn’t skate that bad either. You shouldn’t be discouraged.” She watched as he crossed in front of the car and opened the door for her. She pulled her stuffed animals into her arms and stood up, silently thanking him. She felt the slight discomfort grow within her as she moved, the mixture of them filling her panties as she stood. He noticed her expression and chuckled, obviously pleased with himself.

“I sucked big time, but thank you,” She grinned at him watching as the light breeze picked up his blonde curls, “I didn’t know you skated.” She admitted when she turned to look at him. He chuckled, locking the door behind her. 

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” He spoke the truth as they crossed the dry, grassy dirt and headed towards the front door. It was easier to go that way than up through the back and risk disturbing Neil if he was in his room. She followed his longer strides, even more curious about what he was hiding under all of his layers. She stepped behind him as he pulled the door open and followed him inside. She was pleased to see their parents were already in their rooms. She was still bitter at the both of them and had been giving her mother the silent treatment since Billy had snuck in the shower with her.

“I’ll come say goodnight in a few minutes,” Billy smirked as his pinky curled around her fingers, “Don’t fall asleep on me.” He bent down to whisper into her ear, a tickle traveling down the side of her neck as she resisted the urge to giggle. She didn’t want to be too loud in case she disturbed their parents. Her heart sped up again as her fingers clung more tightly to the stuffed animal he had won for her. She was still giddy about it.

“Okay,” She pulled her hair down again walking towards her room as he headed into his. She quickly sat the cow on her bed before setting the small duck on her bedside table as she left again. She barely rasped on her moms door before she spoke, “We’re back. Just wanted to let you know.” She tried to hold the irritation back in her tone as she spoke. The only reason she was letting them know was so Billy didn’t get in any more trouble.

There was silence for a moment before her mom finally spoke, “Uh, thank you honey! I hope you had fun!” She wrinkled her nose in disgust, not wanting to know what they were doing there as she went back to her room. The hallway was dark and quiet and Kim wondered what Billy was doing at the moment.

She shut her door behind her and sat in front of her vanity, taking in her reflection with a small frown. She shifted awkwardly in her seat, uncomfortable as the mixture of them seeped out of her. She wasn’t sure how long he wanted her to be like this as she stared into the mirror. Her hair was an absolute mess from being tugged on and from the wind blowing in through his car window. She gently took a comb through it, doing her best to make it frame her hair as nicely as possible. She looked at the small cut on her forehead, expecting that it would’ve been a lot worse by the way he had been fussing over her. She gently pressed her thumb to her sore chin, reminding herself to take tylenol later. 

She touched up her mascara then applied a coat of pink lipgloss. She puckered her lips in the mirror, judging to see how well it looked on her as her heart beat rapidly in her chest. She knew she should’ve refused Billy’s request to come in here. It was too risky yet, she was unable to deny herself the pleasure of being against him. She didn’t even care if it was sex or not, she just liked basking in his presence. He was a mystery and she wanted to solve it. 

Kim sat back for a moment, wondering if she should stay dressed or go ahead and get naked. She knew that Billy wouldn’t have her in her clothes for very long anyways. Her fingers hesitated against the hem of her shirt before she pulled it off, exposing her simple white bra. She played with her hair, trying to find the best way that caressed her frame. She stood and shimmied her jeans down. From this angle she could see the obvious wet spot from where his cum had drenched into her panties.

She paced in front of her bed for a moment, deciding where she should be sitting when he came inside. Should she lay across the bed? Hide under the covers? She tugged at the ends of her hair as she stressed over the answer. She stopped when she realized she was trying way too hard for a guy who wouldn’t care as long as he got his dick inside of her.

“Hey,” She turned, frightened as Billy slipped into the door quickly. He wasn’t yet facing her as he quickly locked the door behind him, “I think they’re-” His words died when his blue eyes trailed up from the floor and onto her exposed body. She felt her whole body turning red as he examined her, the hint of a smirk ghosting over his lips.

“Hi.” She squeaked out as she held her hands behind her back, fidgeting with her fingers as he trailed his tongue across his shiny teeth. She dug the heel of her foot into the floor, twisting it awkwardly as he stayed quiet.

“Is this for me?” He sounded cocky as he pushed himself off of the door and walked towards her, his hands gently brushing against her exposed hips. She gulped hard as the tips of his thumbs trailed inside of her panties.

“I had this on earlier,” She muttered shyly, “You probably didn’t notice it.” She grinned softly as he pulled her flush against his warm body. She nervously placed her arm over his shoulder as his fingers rubbed along her spine. She felt goosebumps forming along her pale skin as he analyzed her features. She looked at how well the color of his eyes stood out along his bruised face and suddenly felt guilty again for what happened the other night.

“I did,” He smirked as his hand trailed down and cupped her ass in his large palm. She giggled softly as he bent down to press a gentle kiss against her lips, “Get in the bed.” He smacked her butt hard before crawling in there first. She stared at him for a moment before following suit, sitting on her knees next to him.

“What?” She looked at him curiously as he looked at her amused. He shrugged his shoulders before crossing his hands over his toned stomach. She nudged his thigh with her hand, urging him to speak up as he bit his lip.

“I kind of meant for you to crawl on my lap.” He spoke slowly with a giant grin as he took in her flushed appearance. She shook her head and tucked her hair behind her ear again as Billy took ahold of her smaller hand. The familiar fire spread over her skin where he touched. 

“You said to get on the bed.” She blinked as she looked at him, still unsure how she felt like she knew nothing when it came to being with him. He grinned as he used her hand to pull him towards her. She cautiously straddled his lap, slowly sitting back down on top of him. There was no denying the bulge in his pants. He had obviously been planning this.

“I know but I thought maybe you’d get my drift,” He chuckled as his hands rested against her hips and fiddled with the band of her underwear again, “It’s okay. I just like holding you like this.” She furrowed her eyebrow as her hands went to his shoulders, gently tugging on his blonde curls.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve only ever held me like this once before.” She tried not to linger too hard on the previous memory of them being together. She was beginning to think that maybe they were doing this too much. Was it healthy? She didn’t care.

“Yeah, but I’ve thought of it a lot. I like it.” His hands slid inside of her underwear as he cupped the flesh of her ass and squeezed again. She blushed, turning her cheek so he hopefully wouldn’t notice. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her collarbone. She thought about reminding him about no hickeys again, but it disappeared when his grip on her bottom scooted her forward and ground her hips down on his large bulge.

She moaned softly, accepting his hint as she moved her hips against his bulge as his lips trailed against her soft skin. He licked at her neck softly and she felt a jolt traveling down her body. His rough jeans rubbed against her clothed pussy in the perfect way, hitting against her clit softly.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers harshly, the cut on his lip scraping against hers. Her lips vibrated when he groaned into her mouth as she rolled her hips forward against his hard length. She gasped softly, holding onto the back of his head as his tongue slipped into her opened mouth. She flicked her tongue against his softly, feeling giddy at how they felt against each other.

“Mhm, wanna teach you something.” Billy stalled her hips as he pulled away from her, looking up at her with dilated eyes. Her heart thumped nervously as her fingers trailed over his tanned skin. She nodded at him.

“Okay, what are we doing?” She watched confused, a small laugh leaving her mouth as he scooted under her until he was laying down. She moved with him to stay over his waist, not wanting her vagina to be too close to his face.

“Turn around,” He mumbled as he held onto the back of her thigh. She nodded, unsure as she turned around and faced the wall instead of him. A shrill left her mouth as he gripped her hips and pulled her hips towards his face. She tried to scurry away, but his grip was too tight, “Hey, you’ve got to trust me.” He smacked her butt harshly as she yelped. She felt nervous as she stared down at his hard bulge. 

“I don’t understand?” She questioned, looking over her shoulder to peek at him. He was smirking as he began to tug her underwear down her legs. She felt way too exposed at the moment. Billy’s fingers coated over the mixture of the two of them before shoving the fluid back inside her hole. She bit down on her lip hard, not wanting to be too loud with their parents only a few doors down.

“I wanna eat this tasty cunt while you suck my cock.” He spoke simply while her ears burned. She was sure she’d have to pray after this interaction. She was sure whatever small thread she had of getting into heaven would be ruined by Billy. She truly didn’t mind at the moment. It would be worth it.

She licked the inside of her mouth as she unbuttoned his jeans and slowly pulled his zipper down. Her fingers shook as she pulled at the buttons on his black boxers, reaching her hand in to pull his hard dick out.

She hadn’t seen very many penises before, but she was positive that he had the prettiest one. She liked the way it was always slightly more golden than the rest of his body, his red tip angry as his slick coated his length. She pumped her hands on him a few times, growing nervous again as she thought about fitting his thick length inside of her mouth. She hadn’t had much experience with it before and he had to remind her about her teeth the first time.

He got her comfortable as he pushed down on her spine, moving her head closer to his throbbing dick. She stuck her tongue out, licking the slick off of the side of his cock. She was beginning to enjoy the way that he tasted as her tongue traveled up his vein back up to his tip.

Her eyes clenched shut as his wet tongue licked up the length of her pussy and ended at her hole. She bit back a moan as her grip around his dick tightened while he sucked up the remnants of them. His hips moved up and she knew it was his way of telling her to continue. She wrapped her lips around his tip, already feeling her lips stretching as she pushed him partly inside of her mouth.

She tried to focus on her movements, but it was hard with his tongue dancing between her folds and flicking against her clit. She could feel the moan building in her chest as she sucked on the small section of him in her mouth, pumping the part that wasn’t. She pushed her hair out of her face, bobbing her head slowly as his dick inched towards the back of her throat. 

His fingers dug into her waist as he moved her hips closer to her face and she ground her hips down on his eager tongue. She was dripping onto his open mouth as she kept wiggling her tongue across his dick. She gagged as his hips snapped forward, drool from her mouth dripping down onto his length and her hand. She pulled away for a moment, pumping her hand faster as she spread the drool over his hard length. She squeezed softly and wrapped her lips around his pretty cock and continued to suck. She felt her pussy vibrate as Billy moaned into her pussy and squeezed the flesh of her ass again. He smacked it softly, causing her head to push down deeper on his length.

She could understand why he decided to try this with her. It kept the two of them quiet and it still felt good. She squeezed his balls with one hand, massaging them softly as she continued to relax her jaw and push him in deeper. He hit the back of her throat and she closed her eyes hard, fighting back the gag that was rising in her mouth. She continued the rough motion with her hand even as it began to ache. She felt her eyes roll back and her toes curl as Billy muttered something into her skin, sending vibrations against her clit.

She was taken aback when his hips snapped up harshly and he released into her mouth, cumming harshly against her tongue. She fluttered her eyes, trying not to let any pool out of her mouth as she attempted to swallow while still keeping him in her mouth. It didn’t work out the best as she gulped hard, most of his cum coating her hand as she pulled away to catch her breath.

Her hips moved relentlessly against his tongue as he pulled her even closer on his tongue, groaning into her pussy as she released around his dick. She gaped, drool sliding down the side of her cheek as she held onto the bed and moved against his wet tongue. She was chasing her release as she rolled her hips in the same motion of his tongue, feeling herself come undone above him.

She bit back a large moan as she rode out her climax, his tongue carrying her down gently as he squeezed her butt and rubbed her soft flesh. She panted hard when he slowly began to move his face away from between her legs. She still felt way too exposed as she quickly moved off of him, turning so she laid next to him. She fought the urge to cover up as he turned on his side and rested his arm over her torso. His lips were still glistening with her slick as he leaned in towards her.

“What’s wrong?” His hands dipped dangerously low, and her body reacted in a positive way, craving his touch. She shook her head, cheeks flushed as she pushed her hair out from under her.

“It’s hot,” She muttered, her eyes widened as he grinned at her, “Like it’s warm in here.” She replied shyly as his hands drew circles around her belly button. She wasn’t going to push him away. She liked feeling this close to him. She enjoyed being held like this almost as much as she enjoyed the sex.

“Mhm,” He cupped her face and licked his lips clean before kissing the corner of her mouth. She grinned widely, also enjoying when he did that, “You’re a fast learner.”

“I did okay then?” Her heart raced as she watched him nod his head. She felt like she constantly needed his approval, unsure if she actually was doing good or not. She wanted to be doing well just for him.

“You did more than okay,” He chuckled as he gave her a longer, lingering kiss, “You’re so damn sexy.” She mentally flipped out over that word, never imagined that Billy would call her that. She had seen the girls he had been with before and never thought she quite compared. She figured that she must be doing something right. She watched as he rolled over and began to sit up. She felt herself growing cold suddenly.

It was still early in the night, and she felt as if they could talk like they had earlier at the skating rink. She didn’t want him to leave so soon. She liked being in his presence and listening to him when he spoke. There were a lot of things that she now liked about him that she didn’t realize from before.

“Why don’t you stay?” She asked cautiously as she rolled on her side to face him, pulling the sheet up over her chest. She rested one hand to the side of her cheek, cupping her face to stare at his muscular back. She felt very exposed as she questioned him, “I mean it’s still early and I’m not going to go to sleep for a while.” She tried to reason with him, explaining herself so that she didn’t seem too desperate for his touch. Billy quirked an eyebrow at her, pausing his movements as he sat at the edge of the bed. 

“Like sleep in here? With you?” Billy questioned her slowly, looking at her peculiarly as her cheeks began to grow hot. She instantly began to regret her question as he observed her. She knew it was a stretch, but she hated the fact of being alone. She was so desperate to have someone hold and touch her like he had just been doing. 

“Uh, yeah,” She tucked her hair behind her ear nervously, “I mean you heard Neil get up the other morning. What’s the worst that could happen?” She knew the answer to that. It was very risky for them to sleep together in the same bed. No one would believe them if they passed it off as accidentally falling asleep. They weren’t that close.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” He turned from her, dismissing her idea completely. She felt her heartbeat slowing down as the disappointment sank into her chest, “It’s just too risky and I don’t really like being touched like that.” She tried not to think about the night before, how they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. She knew he wasn’t one for touching but she had hoped that she would have had a small chance. Her smile was forced as she covered herself more, suddenly feeling ashamed of her actions.

“Yeah, you’re right. I just thought it would’ve been fun or whatever.” She rambled nervously as she untucked her hair before tucking it again. She tried to keep her hand from shaking by laying it underneath her pink pillow. She was afraid she would reach forward and take his hand in hers, begging him to stay with her. He stood up and she grew worried that she had just scared him away from her. She didn’t want him to think that she had feelings. Like sex, she just wanted to be held. They could do that without any feelings. 

“Uh, yeah I guess it may have been,” He wiped his palms on his jeans, looking like he didn’t quite know what to do either. He hesitated for a moment, looking around her room before turning to face her again, “I better get back to my room. I have work in the morning.” She looked across his bruised face for a moment, searching for any indication that he may want to change his mind and stay with her. 

“Right,” Kim breathed in deeply and fluttered her eyelashes as she kept her emotions at bay, “Have a good night, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She licked her bottom lips watching as he leaned across the bed towards her. Her heartbeat sped up a bit as she thought he would lean down and kiss her again. She was disappointed when he nudged the tip of her nose with his finger. 

“You too.” Was Billy’s simple response as he turned and left her staring after him. Her door shut all too soon, the warmth of him sinking out of the room and following behind him. She shuddered, not quite sure why she was feeling this way. She knew the way Billy was and that he did not like being touched anyways. It was dumb of her to try and invite him to spend the night when it was obvious the answer would be no.

She reminded herself bitterly that this was just sex, and sex didn’t include cuddling. She rested her head back against her pillows, bringing the stuffed cow to her chest and pretending like he had stayed.

Next Chapter

[abbatoirablaze]

Fire & Ice, Chapter 3

Word Count:  936

“Wh-where are we?”

Your carbon copy chuckled as she gestured around herself, “this is the place where my world ended…Johnny had snuck me up here...he wanted me to see every part of his life; including the superhero stuff even though I wasn’t interested.”

“Wha-what happened?”

She sighed, “Well, me and Johnny were making love in Reed’s machine when Sue found us. We’d accidentally started it, but nothing happened…at least, we didn’t think anything did…but that was the blip that started it all.  Only, I didn’t know it at the time.  Turns out, Sue had a visit from another version of herself, and she found out about my mind control abilities.  Her other self thought that I was controlling Johnny and convinced her that I was.”

“But you weren’t?” you asked slowly. 

She shook her head, and you noticed a few tears streaming down her cheeks, “I-I loved Johnny...I would never do anything to hurt him.  And that includes Sue.  I never wanted to hurt her.  But she was going to knock Johnny out.  They’d started fighting because she‘d tried to tell him that Reed needed to study me; to figure out how I got my powers, because it wasn’t like how they’d got them, and if people were mutating then they had to know why.  But he didn’t want Reed anywhere near me.  She’d had him pinned and I knew she was going to knock him out and come after me…so I used her blast against her, and she became impaled on some of the loose metal bars that Reed had left out.”

“Jesus…”

“Johnny knew it was an accident…he never held it against me…he was upset, sure, but he never blamed me for Sue’s death.  But Reed-he was a different story.  He hated me because of it.  Him and Ben called me a murderer.  But the only person we had ever hurt was our sister…and we were so young.  That was an accident too…” she said as she rushed up to you, “you know that, right?”

When she touched you, you saw the battle between Johnny and Sue play out. 

You saw how he wasn’t using his powers against her; he was only being defensive. 

And you saw her take advantage of the fact, knowing that Johnny didn’t really want to fight her.  Especially after Johnny pushed the version of yourself back into the machine to keep her safe. 

But she was desperate to get to him.  She froze the mechanical components and broke through the door just in time to use her mind-control abilities to bounce Sue’s forcefield back into herself, throwing everyone in the room in separate directions. 

She’d knocked herself out, narrowly missing death herself, but that fact didn’t matter to Reed or Ben. 

No, the only thing that mattered was that Sue had died.

“How did we get here?” you asked.

Your question cleared up the room once more, and you saw her standing beside you, holding onto your hand. 

“Simple enough...the last blip!” she said simply, “I think I was meant to write the wrong.”

“The wrong?”

“And I created a diversion downtown,” she whispered in an ashamed tone, “I did what I had to…I needed to show you why this place is important.”

Your eyes trailed to the tv where the desecration of downtown was playing out on a loop.  Your stomach turned as you saw a version of yourself freezing people and forcing them to harm themselves or simply unable to move because they were being controlled.

You turned to her, “y-you hurt people…you said that the only person we ever hurt was our sister.  That-”

You took a step back and she reached out, cutting you off, “I did what I had to do, April.  We were brought here for a reason.  We were meant to change our path.”

“I-I’m not on a path!” you said quickly, pulling yourself even further from her, “I’m not some murderer.  I don’t hurt people.  Leave me alone!”

“We need to kill them, April!”

“NO!”

Her nostril twitched and her gaze turned to an angry one as she scoffed, “I knew that you didn’t have it in you.  I could see it the second I walked into that café and saw you flirting with him.  You’re weak!  You don’t deserve the chance.”

“Wh-what?”

“I’ve been watching you for weeks, April,” she hissed, “ever since they last saved the city.  I saw how you were being coy.  I saw how you showed him your powers but kept everyone else in the dark.  You wanted him to see you…to chase you…BUT HE’S NOT A GOOD GUY!  HE WAS GOING TO LET ME DIE!  HE’LL DO THE SAME TO YOU, BECAUSE WE ARE THE SAME!”   

“WE’RE NOT THE SAME!”

“WE BOTH FELL FOR JOHNNY STORM WHETHER YOU WANT TO ADMIT IT OR NOT!”

“I WOULD NEVER HURT PEOPLE!” You screamed, “YOU’RE THE MONSTER, NOT ME!”

“You’re right…but there is one canon event that can stay the same…” she growled, “one thing that doesn’t have to change…and then I can take over this universe.”

“Wh-what?”

“Goodbye, April!” she smirked as she pushed you hard against the window. 

You screamed as you felt the glass breaking behind you.  It all felt like it was happening in slow motion as you felt weightless.  Your eyes widened as you realized that you were falling out of the Baxter Building. 

She had pushed you out of the building. 

Her eyes were glaring into yours as the top of the building became further and further away. 

The canon event...she wanted you to die, so that she could take your place.

Tag List:  @designatednewbie, @elbell20-blog, @lohnes16

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

“Pfft I don’t get stressed out or anxious about unexpected changes or being in unfamiliar situations! I walk around in the dark, at night, across busy streets and I find it fun! I don’t get upset by people changing my plans; I’m a free spirit.”

Also me: [needs my gigantic purse with everything plus the kitchen sink in it to leave the house for any reason whatsoever]

Also me: [prepares ahead of time and psychs myself up to engage in an unfamiliar pursuit]

Also me: [obsessively begged my parents to quiz me on what I should say and do in every scenario in existence after they gave me the stranger danger and child molestation talk as a kid to the point that they had to give me super unrealistic scenarios because they had run out of everything rational]

Also me: [my favorite books as a kid were all informational guidebooks or historical fiction because people did those things in real life and what was in them could therefore be used in real life]

Also me: [scripts life stories I want to tell verbally in the mirror over and over again for HOURS until I can tell them fluently with a fully cohesive narrative structure; so when anyone asks about an experience, or I deem it relevant to the conversation, I will go into performance mode and the conversation stops being a conversation and instead becomes an interactive recitation in which I am the life of the fucking party because I Actually Know What To Say]

Also me: [is at the center of a ridiculously tiny friend group in which each of my friends are friends with me, but none are friends with my other friends because for some reason I have a weird urge to keep my friends separate because mixing categories of friends seems wrong and I don’t know if they’ll like each other or if they’ll be offended by being put together]

Also me: [gains exactly ONE additional friend and (even though they’re cool) instantly becomes a miserable, anxious wreck because they’re extroverted and want to do things with me I didn’t plan on doing]

Also me: [constantly stresses about my hair and rearranges it because hair constantly moves around and cannot ever stay in one place or remain one length forever and my hair must be perfect at all times]

Also me: [emotionally feels like I’m going to die if I experience too many sudden changes in a short period of time]

Also me: [feels like the walls are closing in on me when people unexpectedly buy me things I don’t need because all I can think of is “oh god oh fuck I have no room where am I gonna put it?”]

Also me: [had nightmare after nightmare as a kid about being in dance recitals and not knowing the choreography; or about being lost in school and not being able to get to class on time]

Also me: [in sixth grade, did a shitload of Wikihow research on how to handle bullies, get popular, and make up creative comebacks because I heard middle school was awful and I needed to be prepared for it just like I was prepared to fight a shark despite not being a significant target of bullying and despite not living anywhere near an ocean]

Also me: [hates having more than one sudden expectation at a time because otherwise I feel as if I am being pressed with stones like Giles Corey]

[reds-fluff-extravaganza]

Howell x male!reader

Requested over on ao3

You are Bee’s younger brother, and because of this, you are also friends with her friends, especially the Wizard family. You and Howell are childhood friends, you would spend a lot of time together playing together and having sleepovers, and other things kids do.

As you’ve grown up together, you have gained a bit of a crush on Howell, but you didn’t think he would feel that way, let alone like other guys, so you’ve hid your feelings away from him, as you did not want to go through the rejection and heartbreak of it all, which would hurt a lot more considering you two are childhood friends.

The only one who knows about your little crush, is of course your sister, Bee. Bee has tried in the past to get you two together, but unfortunately has gone unnoticed by Howell, and you end up rather flustered by her efforts, so she decided to stop, mostly because she didn’t want to upset you. However, that doesn’t mean that she hasn’t stopped giving you advice, though!

“You know you can’t hide from him forever, Y/n.”

“Yes, I am aware of that, but I can try.”

“Why are you hiding from him, anyways? Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“That’s easy for you to say, Bee, considering you’ve never had a crush like this. We’re best friends, and I just… don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“But that doesn’t mean you should avoid him, you’re just going to upset him and you know how he gets when he’s upset.”

“Unfortunately, I do..” you sighed a bit. “Are you really sure about this, Bee..?”

“Of course I am! When have I ever been wrong?”

“…I’m not going to answer that.”

“Wha- hey!” You laughed a bit at this, now running away from your sister.

“I’m not sorry!” You called out before running into your room, closing the door behind you.

Later, you were at the grocery store, grabbing a few things for dinners for the week. Despite Bee not having a kitchen in her apartment, you find a way to make dinner for you two. You were making your way to check out, until you heard a familiar voice.

“Y/n!” You flinched a bit as you knew who it was. You slowly turn to face Howell as he made his way over to you. He… didn’t look too happy, but you already knew why. You have been avoiding him, and you knew there wasn’t much of a way out of this one without making a scene.

“Hey Howell..” You said a bit nervously, just ready to get out of there.

“Why have you been avoiding me, Y/n? Every time I see you and call out to you, you always run away from me!”

“I’m sorry, Howell..”

“You should be..! I miss you, Y/n. We haven’t been hanging out as often as we used to. Do you not like me anymore?”

“What? No! That’s not it..!”

“Then what is it?” You were not going to confess in a grocery store of all places, so you told him,

“I’ll tell you what.. meet me down by the beach, and I’ll tell you there. We can even hang out afterwards. How about that?”

“Alright, but you better be there, Y/n!”

“Don’t worry, I will. I promise.”

“Good.” You rubbed the back of your neck and went to pay for your groceries before heading home. That could have gone a bit better, but you were glad he agreed to meet up with you.

Once you got back, you told Bee about what happened, only because she had gotten a bit worried on what took so long.

“So you’re going to finally tell him?” She asked as she helped put things away.

“Yeah, I don’t really have much of a choice now. I don’t want him to hate me or anything.”

“I highly doubt he hates you, Y/n.”

“How do you know that?” Bee just shrugged,

“I dunno, maybe it’s cause you’ve been friends since you were kids?”

“If you’re so sure.. anyways, let’s get some food made.”

“Oh heck yeah, I’m starving!” You laughed a bit and got out the ingredients for a chicken pot pie. Of course you’re not letting Bee anywhere near this, as you have seen her cooking skills, or rather lack there of.

After dinner, you went down to the beach, and waited for Howell to show up. With each passing moment, you got more and more nervous, thinking to yourself: what if he doesn’t actually show up? What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if-?

“Y/n?” A voice called out to you, snapping you back to reality. You looked over as Howell walked up to you.

“Hey..”

“So, what’s up..? Why did you want to meet up here and not tell me in the grocery store earlier?”

“Yeah, about that..” you rubbed the back of your neck. It was now or never!

“Yeah..?”

“I know we’ve been childhood friends, Howell.. but I, um.. I have feelings for you. I have for a long time, and I’ve been afraid to tell you how I really feel!”

“Y/n..” Howell took a moment to process your words. You were about to say something else, but Howell cut you off,

“You should have said something sooner, you goof!” The teal haired male pulled you into a hug, which caught you off guard.

“Wha..?”

“I feel the same way. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, but you’ve been avoiding me!”

“I… I’m sorry, Howell.”

“It’s alright, just.. don’t do that again. You had me worried! I thought I did something wrong!” You chuckled a bit and kissed his cheek.

“You did nothing wrong, Howell. I was just.. being paranoid. I didn’t think you would feel the same way, or at least, didn’t think you liked guys in general.”

“Well, I do love you, Y/n. Now come on, it’s getting kinda cold out.”

“Haha, alright, alright, let’s go.” You smiled faintly and held his hand as the two of you walked back to his house, partially to get out of the cold, and partially to tell his siblings the good news. You also called Bee and told her the news as well, and she was very happy for you!

[dragonmasterhiccup]

She chuckled, though it was fake and sarcastic. “I need to catch up faster, because this isn’t working; I am still so behind on everything I need to be able to do, excluding archery.” She scoffed. “This year has been nothing compared to before. Before, either me or somebody else was on the brink of dying every week, so I’d take getting almost killed once every three months over that any day.”

She sighed, pulling away from him. “See, you say that every time, but I know you’re lying. I’m obviously not that strong, so I’d rather have you just say that than lie just to make me feel better and give me false hope.”

“Hiccup, it happened two days ago, of course they still care— y’know, I wish you could start being honest with me, say stuff as it is and not just try to make me feel better, because it’s starting to get on my nerves,” she said, hugging her knees to her chest.

“He can do a little more than ridicule you, you know… He could try to overthrow you again or something..”

She immediately took note of his flat tone of voice, and a small wave of guilt came over her. She knew Hiccup didn’t have his mom growing up, and now here she was, probably making him upset because she was getting affection that he never got. Maybe she should stop calling Valka ‘mom’…

“Sorry.” Was all she said, her tone a little upset.

“But it’s already been a year, and I don’t know how long I can keep being patient for. And I also don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.”

He was usually better at this, what was he saying wrong? Why couldn't she see it?

"Danny? Think about this for a second. A year ago, you were camping in the cove, insisting on leaving Berk. You refused to trust anyone and anything. You wouldn't go anywhere near Toothless or any other dragon. And now? You not only have a dragon of your own, but you're part of the Haddock family now. You smile and laugh with us and Camicazi, and correct me if I'm wrong, but you're much happier than you used to be, right?"

He paused. "You need to stop comparing yourself to others, or you'll get nowhere. Since we've met, you've come so far, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't proud of you. I say you're stronger than you realize because it's true. For some reason, you just refuse to believe it..."

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. "Did the people have a lot of questions that day? Yes, they did. But they were more curious than angry. Spitelout just knew what to say to rile them up, but once they saw the truth, a lot of them seemed to not mind that you were Drago's daughter. Especially since you've already been here a year, and as far as they know, there haven't been any incidents since."

The most important thing was keeping the big one a secret, if Spitelout found out that a hunter had snuck in and almost succeeded in killing Hiccup, nothing would be able to stop him from taking over.

"He could try, but after what happened, I think the people will think twice before following him."

At her sorry, he blinked, a little confused, before it clicked. "What? Oh, no. No, don't be sorry, it's fine, really. Mom and I, we're fine." And he meant it.

It was hard to see your own progress sometimes. "You've made big strides already. This may be a little setback, but you'll get through it, you're too determined not to." He smiled at her encouragingly.

[stars-are-just-ghosts]

Another Harrisco one shot. Enjoy! -QuietDarkness * * * The Nearness of You * * *

“Seven.”

Harry stiffened, glaring over the rim of his glasses at Cisco. He looked about as good as Cisco would assume someone like Harry would after nearly two days of being stuck at the labs with only his own thoughts for company.

The team had been in Star City helping out Oliver, but Harry had stayed behind to hold down the fort. They’d only gotten back to Central City a few hours ago, and everyone else had gone home for the night, except for Cisco. Despite Harry being classically introverted, Cisco had learned early on that Harry became extra grumpy when he was left to his own devices for long periods of time.

So, he’d stuck around to see if he could ease Harry back into his baseline of salty and content. Except it wasn’t working this time as well as it used to…

“Seven what?” Harry demanded gruffly, relaxing back a bit in the rolling chair he was sitting on, one leg stretched out. He rubbed at his left shoulder absently, probably having no idea he was even doing it, tilting his head a little and making a face as his neck pulled.

“And that’s eight.” Cisco pointed directly at Harry’s hand as he walked away from Barry’s suit. “Eight times you’ve rubbed at your shoulder in the last hour. Did you sleep wrong or somethin?” Harry froze in place, then frowned very hard before dropping his hand and rubbing both his palms on his thighs like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

“Or something. Is there a reason you’re watching me? Or are the repairs on the suit really that boring?” Harry demanded. “And why are you even here? I thought you’d be home like everyone else.”

“I’m not bored.” Cisco wandered around the console station, lazily crossing his arms as he stopped nearby. He wasn’t lying, it was very hard to ever be bored around Harry. Even when they were doing absolutely nothing, Cisco was always on his toes with him. It was one of the best things about his friendship with Harry. Still… Cisco hadn’t really answered Harry’s question, and he absolutely did not intend to. Harry didn’t need to know that when they were anywhere near each other, he was always in his sights because Cisco needed it that way.

It was almost instinct at this point. Some part of Cisco seemed to need Harry’s presence as much as he thought Harry might need his. Cisco knew he felt better knowing Harry was there, that he was safe, that he was close. Cisco wanted Harry a whole lot closer, in fact. He wanted to be so close that he couldn’t tell where either one of them began or ended anymore. But those were words that could never, ever be said out loud. And it wasn’t going to happen, anyway. So, he settled for being a satellite in Harry’s grumpy atmosphere.

“And I’m here cause I can be.” Cisco added. “And you can’t stop me. Now, how’d you hurt your shoulder?” He demanded lightly, lifting his chin a little. Harry’s jaw tightened as he plucked his glasses off and set them down with a clatter before he crossed his arms, too.

“I didn’t.” he rumbled. Cisco was never perturbed by Harry’s signature grumpiness. The man made an art form out of it. And Cisco secretly prided himself on being able to surpass Harry’s threshold of patience. Though only because Harry never truly got upset at him. If anything, Harry seemed to enjoy the back and forth as much as he enjoyed the rest of their ‘constructive’ arguments.

“Mm hm.” Cisco intoned, “I don’t believe you. Who knows what you get up to when I’m not around.” (Continue on Ao3)

(Gif credit goes to its creator.)

[easypeasylindyvesey]

I Think it’s Strange We Never Knew: Jimmy Vesey x fem!OC

Summary: After the unforeseen death of Abby’s boyfriend, one of the NHL’s star defenseman and her teammate, she severely struggles with managing her grief. She confides in Jimmy Vesey, who is not only another teammate of hers, but is one of the very few people she has a strong friendship with. That is until that night and the days that followed. Does this life-altering news change the trajectory of their personal perceptions of each other? Or does it entail a chance of crossing boundaries for the risk of moving on?

Word Count (excluding title and heading): 15,745

*(General) Warnings: (foul) language, mentions/discussion of death, suicide attempt (brief, closed door description), eventual confession of feelings, grief, panic attack(s), angst, eventual sexual implications but no smut, age gap

*Note: This story takes place in the future. Abby is 24-25 and Jimmy is 33-35.

MAY 2027  (Warnings: angst, grief, mentions/discussion of death, suicide attempt (brief, closed door), (foul) language)

I am confined to this state of nothingness. I feel like I am passing through each day without any purpose. There’s nothing to do, nothing to distract myself with. The hours take so long to pass. It’s probably because I spend them in my room.

I’ve fallen into a pattern where I only leave my room to use the bathroom and to get food, otherwise, it’s my little private habitat. I don’t even attempt to talk to Jimmy. He’s forcing himself through the exposed cracks that happen to be parts of my soul. The forced conversation does not work. I see it as a little tactic of his. I hate to break it to him, but he’s not going to get anywhere with his strategy. If it’s not going to work with anyone else, it sure won’t with my roommate. God, it still feels so weird to call him that.

Ever since the argument about the panic attack, we haven’t had any others that have escalated to that point. A few quick arguments here and there, but he’s done better with not verbally attacking me. We didn’t even have a discussion about that fight. There were no apologies or anything. It was kinda shoved aside and forgotten about. Well, I wouldn’t say forgotten about. More like something that didn’t want to be revisited. After that, we’ve still talked to each other, but it’s more short-term, if anything. I think we’re both avoiding the elephant in the room. The meals are shortened, quick pleasantries are said half-heartedly, little to no quality time is spent together in the same place. I don’t mean to shut him out. I really don’t. I’ve always craved my own space, and he’s starting to realize that now. It doesn’t change the fact about previous encounters, but he’s being cautious. It’s as if he’s walking on eggshells. Now again, I don’t want him to feel like he has to do that. He’s probably afraid of saying the wrong thing, which he’s actually never admitted before. Hey, there’s a first time for everything. He’s not getting an out.

I’m watching how I talk to him, too. I have to remind myself that he is still hurt and upset by everything. It just might take him a little while longer to fully express it. The thought of him exploding at any minute never leaves my mind. I’m not prepared. So in order to avoid it in the near future, guess I’m walking on eggshells too.

The room grows dark as the evening sky makes its way to settle in. I’m watching the HGTV channel. It’s been my hyperfixation for most of the month. The shows are calming and have great personality among the hosts and guests. There’s no mystery, no uncertainty. It’s there to boost your spirits and keep you engaged. It sure has kept me focused. It has definitely not boosted my spirits, that’s for sure.

Out of the corner of my eye, my phone lights up next to me on the duvet. It’s a text message, and who else would it be from than the man that’s about 10ish walking feet from me right next door? I quickly gaze at it. Sleep well, it reads.

I unlock my phone and tap my fingers on the screen. you too, I answer, hitting send. I lock my phone and turn it camera side up. A new alternative the both of us have silently came up with is engaging more in text than verbal conversation. It gives us the choice of actually wanting to respond without being forced when we’re stuck in front of each other. It’s not like we go all day without talking, but you can tell there’s some sort of weakened part in us being able to hold a dialogue. Then again, it’s a touchy subject, and I’d rather not talk about it. One of us will end up getting hurt. Both of us are used to it by now. At least we’re making the minimal amount of effort to maintain contact. It’d be nearly impossible to ghost him and vice versa. It would’ve poured out in an argument at some point or another.

I end up watching TV for another hour before shutting off the lights and getting comfortable to go to bed. The only problem is that I’m wide awake. My eyes are completely alert and show no signs of rapidly closing. It’s probably because my brain is racing. It’s racing with the thought that tomorrow is going to be a very tough day.

Tomorrow was supposed to be Ryan and I’s second year anniversary. I know my last year self was so excited about getting past 1 year. When it comes to relationships, whether you’re still with the person or have ended it, the time you were together matters. Even if they were the biggest asshole to walk this planet. You wouldn’t be able to consider it time really wasted. At one point, you meant something to them and were prioritized. The unsatisfying part is never being fully aware of when it started to spin sideways. Where it started to slip away from which both of you would not be able to fully recover.

The thought of never being able to find out if the two of us were going to stand the test of time is one of a million thoughts that is going to forever haunt me. Then, I’m reminded of Jimmy’s comment saying that it was a blessing in disguise. Even though it didn’t come off as sincere, he really wasn’t wrong. Who knows what the universe had in store? Who knows if we were really built for a future? Who knows what his true, bitterly raw feelings about me were? If there’s one thing I do know, it’s that I never regretted the time we had together. It might have been cut short, but it was evident that we were always going to share that special bond that no one else would ever be able to understand. It’s somewhat comforting.

What’s not comforting, however, is the fear of having to replicate another close bond with another man. It’s not going to be the same, not that I want it to be, anyway, but to open up my heart and soul again will be even more daunting than I might realize.

Okay, that’s enough thinking for tonight. I hit my head on the pillow and shut my eyes, hoping that the task of faking to be asleep will eventually pay off. I can’t be kept up all night. Not by him, anyway.

I’m awoken again, this time not by noise, but by what feels like bright lights. I squint my eyes open and look to the carpet floor. I don’t see any outside light pouring in. My curiosity decided to get the best of me and I find myself dragging out of bed to open up the curtains. 

Well, now I know the source of the “bright lights.” It’s cloudy.

So much for a good day. Even the sky knows it’s not time to celebrate.

“Well, that’s just great,” I say aloud. I discard my unmade bed and head straight for the door, taking a quick peak to see if Jimmy’s awake. By the looks of his closed door, I can tell that he’s not. It’s either that or he’s doing his morning social media scroll. I wouldn’t blame him because I do it too.

I use the bathroom and wash my face, spritz on the perfume, roll on the deodorant, all that jazz. I tiptoe into the kitchen and do everything I can to be quiet while making breakfast. I’ve always been known to act like a mouse when it comes to wandering around places. I don’t draw too much attention to myself and I’ve got tiny feet, so it doesn’t really count for much noise. Jimmy’s kinda the same, I’d say. I mean, he can’t help his tall stature, so he can be a little loud when moving around, but he does his best to maintain my mouse-like quietness. Although, there is one time where I recall sleeping within the last couple weeks, and since I’m a light sleeper, I heard footsteps approach my door and it creaked open, shutting several seconds later. This is under the assumption that he was either watching me sleep, which is really creepy, or he wanted to see if I was awake and wanted to have a conversation. Should I even give him credit for trying?

I settle for scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast with a side of store-packaged fruit, specifically the assorted containers with cantaloupe, watermelon, pineapple, honeydew. That’s the good shit. I take the fruit out of the fridge and keep it out on the counter while looking through the newly organized cabinets for a decent sized pan to cook the eggs in. I decide to double my workload and make breakfast for him too. I hope he appreciates the sentiment, even if it’s through expressions rather than words.

I crack the first 2 eggs into the pan and prepare the toast by dropping the slices of bread into the toaster. It’s only 9:10. A little earlier than I get up, but I guess both my brain and body had different plans today. While waiting for the food to get caught up to speed, I decide which fruit to pick out. The package isn’t even open yet, so I have first-hand advantage. I pick one of everything, arranging it on the paper plate and pushing it off to the side. My attention returns to both the eggs and toast.

It’s too quiet in here. I don’t hear any shuffling or evident signs that he’s gotten up yet. That’s okay. I’ll just take the time to think, collect my thoughts. Maybe by the end of it, I’ll have my shit together. Oh, who am I kidding? Everyone knows I won’t.

I continue folding the eggs around on every corner, every crevice, every edge there possibly is until I’ve gotten them all yellow and scrambled before I remove them from the pan with the spatula and place them onto the crisp, golden brown toast. I reach into the cabinet above the pots and pans, moving my hand around blindly to grab the salt and pepper. Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t hard because they were right in front of me. I sprinkle a small amount onto each slice before I locate them to their own spot on the counter. I reach bag into the egg carton and grab 2 more and crack them above the pan, watching them fall out of their shells and sizzling underneath the flame. At least that one can be retained. Mine’s upgraded into a wildfire.

Conversation has continued to be limited with the team. There hasn’t been much to really discuss, other than the fact that it’s technically summer vacation and we’re free to do whatever we want without the constant routine of showing up to the rink and practicing almost everyday. With that temporary absence of a consistent schedule, it’s been difficult figuring out how to spend my free time. Then again, I’m having several solo parties a day in my room. It really cannot get that much better, right?

I’m so adjusted to the drastic decrease in communication that I don’t even realize another voice infiltrating the room. “Morning.” It’s said in a sleepy voice, just like the one in Minnesota. I hear the scrape of a chair on the floor.

I turn around and meet his gaze. He was already looking with my back turned to him, wasn’t he? “Hi.”

“This for me?” He points to the full plate I pushed away earlier.

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m making my own now.”

“Thanks.”

“Sure. Killing two birds with one stone.”

I immediately regret using that phrase, as it brings me back to the night of that argument. I remember him saying he wished I would’ve died with Ryan, hence, the two birds being us and the stone being that drunk driver and his stupid fucking truck. Sometimes, I wonder if he really wanted it to end up that way.

Returning to the eggs, they look perfect. I shut off the stove and take the toast out of the toaster, unplugging it right after. I arrange the toast on my plate and gently put down my eggs on top, sprinkling the salt and pepper for a perfect finish. I decide to take a fork out from the drawer and just eat the fruit straight out of the container. I turn back around to face him, my forearms leaning down on the counter. “Got anything planned today?” I say, attempting to sound as honest as possible.

Jimmy shakes his head. “Not really,” he responds. He points to the plate with his fork, a diced piece of watermelon taking up its space. “This is really good, by the way.”

“I’m a good cook.”

“Hell, you’re better than me.”

“Don’t I know it,” I reply sarcastically.

“Alright, stop that.” He flashes me his little smile.

I can’t help but flash one back at him.

“What about you?” Now it’s his turn to pry into my personal mental journal of thoughts.

“Nope. Got nothing better to do than just sit here.”

“That’s fair.”

I give him a little nod.

“I’m, uh, I’m sorry about today.” He flashes me those sparkly puppy-dog eyes, that even I, too, can really see they are filled with sadness.

I look down at my plate and then look back up, glancing everywhere around the room that isn’t directly into his eyes. “It’s fine,” I mutter.

“Is there anything you’d like to do today, to uh, like, commemorate it or anything?” He’s sincere when he says that, too.

I shake my head. “No. It’s not the same without him here.”

“For what it’s worth, if anything, I thought you two were a great match for each other.”

I finally gain the courage to look at him. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he continues. “You both really cared about what was best for one another. It was evident there was some other level you two had unlocked that no one else could’ve cracked. I don’t want this to come off as creepy or anything, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happier than when he was in the room. I know you didn’t have to be everywhere with him, and you were fine with that, but he just generated a different aura, you know? I’ve never seen you not smile when he was there. It made me happy to know he was treating you well.”

A rare sighting of sweetness?

“He did,” I admit. “There were rarely any arguments, and even if there were, it’d be over stupid things, like where to go get ice cream after a day on the beach or what music to play when driving. He was never too serious. I mean, he obviously was about his career, that’s a given. Don’t get me wrong, he was serious about us too, but I never had to question if he truly enjoyed it. If he could make me laugh at least three separate times during each time we saw each other, then maybe it was something worth my time.”

“Never made you cry?”

I stare him down. “Not until recently. He never made me go to bed wondering if I wasn’t an important part of his life.”

“Sounds like he was the perfect guy for you.”

I scoff. “Well, he wasn’t perfect, by any means. He obviously had flaws, just like you and I do. However, he did put in the effort. That’s what mattered.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s always going to matter.”

Jimmy clears his throat and gets up from his chair, retreating to the fridge and grabbing the jug of orange juice to place on the counter. He takes a cup out of the cabinet and pours himself some to go along with his breakfast. He looks in my direction, jug in hand. “Want some?”

“No thanks. Orange juice is dehydrating.”

He scrunches his eyebrows. “What do you mean? No, it’s not.”

“Uh, yes it is,” I sarcastically argue. “I don’t know how anyone drinks it God-willingly.”

“You’re so weird,” he replies back.

“Damn straight.” I give him a devious smile.

Now it’s his turn to scoff and shake his head. “You want anything to drink?”

“I’m good.”

He puts the orange juice back in the fridge and shuts the door, walking back to where he was sitting. He takes his piece of watermelon and pops it into his mouth.

“You excited for Wednesday?”

He finishes swallowing and looks at me. “I guess so, yeah.”

“You don’t wanna turn another year younger, do you?”

I get him to crack a smile, and with teeth. Damn, I’m good. “Not according to you, no.”

“But, like, do you have an idea of what you wanna do? We can’t just do nothing. Maybe, we can do a team outing or something.”

“Not everybody’s here,” Jimmy corrects me. “Lots of the guys went back home for the summer, remember?”

Oh crap, I forgot about that.

I exhale a frustrated sigh. “Alright, fine. I’ll go buy a tiny cake from the store and stick 34 mini candles in it. How does that sound?”

“It sounds like a fire hazard.”

I wave my hand away in his face. “I’ll keep it under control.”

“Oh, I’m sure you will. But seriously, we don’t have to do anything crazy. We can run to Dunkin to get breakfast and then maybe come back here and just lounge. We could walk around the city if it’s nice out. Just wanna keep it lowkey, okay?”

I nod. “Got it. Your parents aren’t gonna be in town?”

He shakes his head. “Not this year. It’s not a big deal. You didn’t celebrate your birthday with yours, either.”

“Well, yeah, but I did it with another family instead.”

He nods in agreement. “Have your parents checked in on you at all?”

“Yeah. I call my mom once a week. I’m tired of her constantly texting me, asking if I’m okay. She should know by now that I’m not. My dad hasn’t thought to formulate a sentence, but that’s how he is.”

“When did you last call her?”

I finish the last bite of my toast before moving to my fruit. “Yesterday. It was only like 15 minutes. It’s the same old shit. There’s not much to talk about.”

“Does she seem worried?”

“She’s always gonna worry about me, even if I’m in the happiest mood ever,” I retort. “She was a nonstop mess when I moved here and had to live on my own, but she feels slightly better that I’ve moved in with someone.”

“Has she said anything about me?” Jimmy wonders.

I pretend to think. “She told me to thank you for being there when she couldn’t.”

“Well, tell her that it’s my utmost duty.”

“Okay, now you’re just being a little shit,” I laugh, closing the fruit container and putting it back in the fridge, then throwing my plate in the trash can. “You done? I can take it for you.”

“Yeah,” he says. “Thanks.”

“Oh, it’s my utmost duty to serve you, James.”

“Okay, enough of that,” he laughs. “What do you wanna do?”

I look around the apartment. “Actually, I think I’m gonna get organized. Make the bed, put away laundry, maybe start shifting some stuff into the other closet so that it doesn’t come crashing down on me the next time I open it.”

“Sounds like a great idea. Today’s probably not gonna be a good day to go out, anyway.” He gestures to the windows behind the TV.

It’s started drizzling. That’s great! Perfect weather for a somber day!

“Well, thank goodness for our lives being boring and having no plans!” I reply. “And with that, I’m going to go distract myself with plans.”

“Let me know if you want any help.” 

Oh, like he’s ever done that since that night? He cannot be serious.

“I will,” I respond. It’s the only thing I can say that won’t start something. I make my way to my room, shutting the door behind me.

I start off with making my bed, propping up all the pillows so they look fresh and totally not worn out. I brought my pillows to sleep on and kept Jimmy’s boring ass white shams. Same thing with the duvet. To make the room a little more interesting, I placed a couple throw blankets at the end to add in some color to make up for the lack thereof. The next task was perhaps the most daunting of them all as an adult: laundry. The basket was heavy because I let it build up, and Jimmy always wanted to take my basket down when our laundry had to be done so he could separate our clothes. He has not yet made the mistake of throwing in one of his own articles into my basket yet. I’m still waiting for the day.

After the longest 25 minutes of flipping shirts inside out, finding unoccupied hangers, hooking them on the closet rail, folding all of my pants and putting them in the drawer, repeating the process with my bras and underwear, which now, it got me thinking. I wonder if he ever peaked at them longer than he should’ve when I wasn’t around. Oh, who am I kidding? He most definitely did not. He’s too innocent for that. Although, he was guilty of calling me a burden, so I wonder if he’s gonna reverse his charges. Wait, what was I alluding to? Oh, yeah. My laundry’s done.

I move all of my hockey gear, equipment, all of its corresponding bullshit to the empty closet. It’s not one that I want to open in the near future. I forgot how heavy my duffle bag was, so I literally had to shuffle it across the carpet because I really don’t want to throw out a shoulder right now. Not that it would matter because we’re not playing, but it would make my life just the tiniest bit easier. I go back for the skates, stick, and gloves. Only they’re not mine. They’re his.

The other option was that they get discarded in some deep, dark closet that no one would ever open again, the lock being kept in place. I drove up to the practice rink one day to get them. Of course, I chose not to tell Jimmy where I was going, so when I got back an hour and a half later, when I opened the door, I found him sitting on the couch and immediately turning around to give me one of the most disapproving looks. We quickly bickered about how I need to let him know where I’m going, yet I’m a grown adult just like him and that he doesn’t need to become a helicopter “parent” and know all of my whereabouts. The good news is that he hasn’t had to worry since. I have not stepped foot out that door probably since close to the end of April. The closest I count to escaping is standing out on the balcony for a little while until I start to feel claustrophobic, and then I make my way back inside. I finally got an apartment complex parking sticker, so I did end up bringing my car over, but it’s never left its parking spot since the day I came back from Greenburgh. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know who to go see.

Exhaustion begins to set in after moving everything around and rearranging my space. I don’t even make a run for lying down on my bed and instead settle sitting next to the deep, dark closet on the carpet. It’s not even 12 yet and this day is already going by too slow. I need it to be over. The goal is always getting to the next day without feeling the need to perish. Has it gotten easier? No. Am I starting to come to the conclusion that this accident was probably the one thing the universe did to me on purpose? Yes.

I hear a faint knock. At first, I think it’s at the bedroom door, but I hear footsteps make their way from the room next door all the way across the apartment. Someone’s here. Who is it? What do they want?

There’s a distant sound of voices. Are they conspiring on something? Does someone know I’m here? Are they coming to kick me out? Are we being invaded? Are they here to tell me that someone else is dead?

Now is the time when the footsteps approach the bedroom door. I hear a light knock. If it’s actually him on the other side, kudos to finally taking the hint at knocking. Every time that I’m in here, he never feels the need to. I could be standing naked in the middle of the room and he wouldn’t be able to burn that image out of his head. That would be the day where his embarrassment would’ve created a permanent fixture of remembering the importance of knocking on a door. It’s courteous. It’s considerate. It’s smart.

“Who is it?” I call out.

“It’s me.” Ah, yes, Mr. Boston boy!

“Come in.”

The door opens and he emerges onto the carpet, keeping his hand on the knob. He notices me sitting on the floor. “You, uh, you okay?” 

I cock my head at him. “Yeah, why?”

“Because you’re sitting on the floor.”

“Because I couldn’t find the energy to flop down on my bed after moving everything around.”

“I see.” He looks skeptical.

“Still find me weird?”

“Yeah, definitely. Hey, listen. Laf’s here. He says he’s got something to give you.”

“Laf?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, what is it?”

“I don’t know. You gotta go see it for yourself.”

What is this? What could he, out of all people, have to give me?

I gather myself off the floor and drag my feet on the carpet, following Jimmy out into the hallway. He was right. Gosh, I haven’t seen him since the funeral. It feels like years.

I walk past Jimmy to approach him first. He’s standing by the far side of the island. “Hey.” It comes out as a combination of curiosity and surprise.

“Hey, Abb.” 

“How, uh, how are you?”

Alexis looks around the apartment before back at me. “Good. I’m, uh, I’m flying back to Quebec in a few hours, so I’m not gonna be back in the states for a little while. I was cleaning out Ryan’s apartment for the new tenants and I came across this.”

I don’t even pay attention to what he’s holding. I ask the more important question first. “Wait, what do you mean you were cleaning out his apartment? They just decided to end his lease?”

He coughs. “Well, yeah. I mean, he’s not there. Landlord needs to clear out space.”

Yeah, I’m not buying it.

“Since I had his spare key, I spent a few days cleaning out what I could. I was looking through his room, and it took me forever, but I found something stored away in the back of his dresser.”

It’s when I look down at his hands and notice he’s holding a light blue bag. It’s got white tissue paper sticking out and a lime green envelope.

It’s my birthday present.

The one he forgot because he was in a rush.

The one he promised he would give to me after practice the next day.

And he broke that one, too.

I stare at it, wondering if I should even accept it. It’s two months overdue. I meet Alexis’ eyes. “You didn’t think to give this to me sooner?” My voice is riled with hesitation.

“There was never a right time. The funeral, the wake. Everything was happening so quickly that I wasn’t sure if I was going to bother. I had it sitting in my room for the longest time before I remembered that I was leaving, and it’s not like anyone else would’ve been able to get it. That’s why I’m here.”

“Did you peak?”

“No. It’s wrapped up pretty good. Your guess is as good as mine.”

I outstretch my arm to release the gift bag from his grip. I continue looking at it, as if there’s an unwanted surprise that’s going to jump out and scare me.

“You don’t have to open it now,” he says. “It’s whatever you want.”

I turn to look at Jimmy. He’s sitting against the back of the sofa. “Yeah, Abb, you don’t have to do it now. It’s probably something that would mean more if it were just you that opened it.”

I sigh, thinking over my options. I’ve done everything on my own for this long. This should be shared with someone else. It was the original intention anyway.

“No, I’ll open it now.” I pull out a chair from the island and sit down, deciding if I should focus on the card first or the actual gift at hand. I settle on the card. The writing will probably throw me in for a quick waterworks show. Shocker.

If you ever looked at Ryan first glance, you would assume that his physical appearance would indicate that he was very tough and manly. You could indicate based on his tone of voice that he was always so stoic and serious; never had time to joke around, didn’t seem like the type of person to let themselves have fun. Oh, you would’ve been so wrong.

I wouldn’t say that he was the absolute best at giving gifts, but I told him to never go over the top, whether it be for Christmas, Valentine’s Day, my birthday, our one and only anniversary. Did he ever listen to me, though? No. I’m about to be proven that.

I tap my fingers on the envelope, flipping it upside down and opening it. I wiggle the card out and turn to look at the front. It’s got an animated illustration of two cats. One’s playing with a ball of yarn and the other’s watching from afar on the couch. I don’t realize the destroyed birthday cake in the bottom corner. The cat on the couch has a speech bubble above its head, saying “The sweetest of lives are lived with you.” 

Alright, here it goes.

I open the card to read what’s in the middle. “Here’s to the rest of them. Happy Birthday.”

I drop it on the counter, head already in my hands. I let out a tiny squeak. This really is hitting a lot harder than I thought it would.

But it’s not over yet.

He filled up the whole card. Both sides.

If I’m being honest, Ryan would sometimes be an annoying little shit because he would choose not to communicate his feelings verbally, so that’s when he resorts to writing it out, whether through a card or a quick text or even on a Post-It note. He never ignored me deliberately. I’d give him some time for him to sort them all out, and then when he was ready, he would come find me and we would talk about what was bothering him. He would always start off with “It’s not because of you.” And he really meant it.

I direct my eyes to the top of the card and begin reading.

Dear Abby,

Happy 24th! It feels as if I’ve known you in a past life, and it’s given me the privilege of replicating in the real one. I’m gonna be sappy real quick. Where do I start? Oh, yeah, thank you for literally being the BEST girlfriend, the BEST person, the BEST human that I have ever had the pleasure of getting to know. I’m aware that I don’t tell you as often as I should, and that’s my fault, but you are everything to me. I’m fortunate to make you the happiest I’ve ever seen you, and you’re fortunate to make me the luckiest and most blessed man. I appreciate your mind and your heart; the way you care for everybody and only want what’s best for them, the way you’re never afraid to say what you want/need, the way you’ve become more comfortable as a player and a person, dealing with the consistent pressure to do well. You’ve handled it with such grace that I’m almost jealous, only because I wish I could do that. You are the greatest gift I could’ve ever received, so the one that I got you might finish in second place. Here I am to say that if not for you, I don’t know where I’d be. I guess the extra time of just remaining teammates and friends really paid off. I’m excited to celebrate with you and everyone else, and I can’t wait. You’re perfect. Just as you are. And to me, you always are. Excited for the next one. There is truly no one better, and there never will be. At least, not for me.

Love always,

Ry

I shove the card to the far edge of the countertop, distracting myself by ravaging through the gift bag like a hyper kid rushing through opening their presents on Christmas to see if they got the toys they asked Santa for. There’s two things. One is placed in a skinny, rectangular box, and the other is standing up, wrapped in blue tissue paper. It seems like it could be fragile, so I place it down gently on the counter without having it hang too close to the edge.

It almost seems like I’m opening the gifts by myself until I hear a shuffling noise in the background. It causes me to turn around in my chair. Laffy’s moved over to sit with Jimmy on the back of the couch. I furrow my eyebrows at them. “Why don’t you guys come over here and we can open it together?”

“We don’t wanna impose,” Alexis pipes up. “It’s not our business to know what he got you.”

“You’re not,” I say. “C’mon. Please?”

Both of them stand up and make their way to the kitchen area, still maintaining their space by hovering near the pantry. Good God, what are they so afraid of? What’s the worst they’ll have to do? Comfort me? Watch me cry? Grow up.

I start off with the box. I lift up the cover and my eyes are immediately drawn to the two presents inside that I don’t even know what to pick up first.

How about with tickets to Country Fest in Detroit Lakes in August?

He told me this was one of the reasons he always looked forward to summer. He went every year with friends and always had the best time. I kept mentioning that I would gladly go with him, even though I don’t religiously listen to country music like he did. Every time he’d drive us anywhere, it would always be on. He stuck to his true Midwestern roots, and never once let them go.

Is there even a point of using them now? He spent a good amount of money. I don’t want it going to waste. Maybe I’ll sell them or something. Why would I go when it’s not going to be intended quality time?

I reach to the second gift. I speculate on how to open it; that’s even if there’s a right way. I move the tissue paper, pushing it down until all of it hits the counter. The good news is that it’s not glass. Essentially, it’s two things in one. The first thing, giving way to its tall stature, was a rectangular pillow. It was red and white. Embroidered in large font and large letters, it read Abby & Ryan, and on the bottom, it read 05/22/2025. It had tiny red hearts protruding from each side. It looked stitched to perfection, handled with so much care. 

I stare at it for a couple seconds before snapping myself out of my trance and looking to find the next part. I scoff. As if it couldn’t get any worse than a personalized pillow.

It’s a personalized photo blanket.

With what looks to be several 4x6 and 5x7 photos all meshed into each other.

On the top, it reads A different type of warmth that will never die.

On the back, this time in smaller font, it reads Happy birthday. You’ve warmed my heart, and now it’s time for me to return the favor. -R

Just when I think it’s over, it’s not.

A container of something spills out from the middle of the blanket and onto the floor. I reach down from my chair to pick up. I see a tag attached to what looks like to be a bottle. I turn it over.

It’s his favorite cologne.

I look at the tag.

In case for when you start to miss me.

My lip starts to quiver, but I bite it so hard to prevent myself from a meltdown in front of one more person. I look over at the two men still lingering by the pantry. They’re looking along as well.

“Those are really nice, Abb,” Jimmy says. “Guess he meant it when he said you should’ve opened it in front of him.”

“Are you glad to have gotten them?” Alexis asks. “He really knew you like the back of your hand.”

I turn in my chair and face the both of them, one eye focusing on each. “Yeah, he did,” I mutter. 

I stand up and grab the gifts, stopping myself in my tracks before heading to my room. I look at Alexis and attempt to sound as grateful as I can. “Thanks for stopping by,” I say. “I’ll see you around. Be safe.”

He folds his mouth into a grimace and nods his head. “Of course,” he responds quietly. He reaches past me to retrieve the card off the counter. “You almost forgot this.”

I take it from his hand. “Thanks.” I walk past him and into my room, shutting the door. I let out a long, frustrated sigh. I quickly walk over to the deep, dark closet before I can change my mind, and lackadaisically throw the pillow and blanket on top of his equipment, shutting the door immediately. As for the card, cologne, and concert tickets, I walk in a different direction, this time to my nightstand drawer, and toss them in, closing it loudly. Sliding down the side of my bed, I find myself present on the carpet again, staring out at the balcony. It’s stopped raining, but everything is wet. Dreary. Diminished.

“You stupid son of a bitch,” I whisper under my breath. “You stupid fucking idiot. Can’t use this shit now. Couldn’t have held on for one more day, right? Took the easy way out, like Jim said? Forget how I feel. No one could understand. I mean, I’m sure you could. But you’re not here, so it doesn’t fucking matter.”

I hear mutters of conversation from the kitchen before I hear the door close. An exasperated sigh escapes Jimmy’s mouth. “Goddamn it,” I hear him say.

Well, at least we’ve finally agreed on something.

The unfortunate yet familiar footsteps creak outside my door. Another knock.

“What?”

“Do you want me to come in?” He sounds sad.

“Leave me alone.”

I don’t hear anything.

I try again. “You just gonna fuckin creep out there?”

“I was just gonna ask if you needed anything.”

“I need you to go the fuck away.”

“I-”

“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO!”

The door opens.

Alright, time to kill him.

I hear his footsteps on the carpet. “Where are you?” his voice calls from behind me.

“Dead.”

He follows the trail of my voice and finds me sitting next to the nightstand and up against the bed. “Nice try.”

I shrug. “Not like it’d be hard.”

“Abb-”

“I told you to go away and you still don’t listen.”

“Because you’re lying.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yeah, I think you are.”

“I literally just said I’m not.”

He kneels down on the carpet, sitting on his right leg. “What is wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Now, see. That’s a lie.”

“Oh, what the fuck do you know?”

“I know that you’re upset.”

“I’m fine.”

“You are not.” He sounds legitimately serious.

“Yeah, I am. I think I can manage.”

“Have you, though?”

The tips of my ears start to burn.

“Not in the way you want me to.”

Got him there once again.

“I think you should talk to someone.”

What an absolute abomination.

I heavily focus on the balcony, shifting my focus to the trees in the distance past the buildings. “I absolutely do not. I already talk to you.”

“Yeah, barely.”

Okay, it was in due time he returned the hypocrisy back to me.

“It’s like you don’t wanna talk about it. You can’t let it eat you up for so long. Everything’s going to come out one way or another.” Wow, how inspiring for a man who went to a fucking Ivy League, Daddy’s money funded institution. The advice can seriously not get any better.

“Is it finished eating you up, or has it never bit you to begin with?”

Jimmy sighs. “It lingers around from time to time.”

“Then you can’t tell me to spill it all out. I don’t have anything to say.”

“So all of your underlying feelings are gone for good?”

Pause.

“You’re brave enough to leave out the pillow and blanket on your bed?”

Another pause.

He motions to stand up. “That’s exactly what I thought. Seriously, though, you should talk to somebody. It doesn’t have to be me, but I think it’d feel a little less heavy if you expressed how you feel. You know?”

I look up at him, my eyes seething with rage that is invisible to him. “No, I don’t know,” I snap. “Maybe you should talk to someone to help with your nosiness.”

He laughs.

“I’m not kidding, Jim. You need to give me space. Still haven’t learned that, either. Who ever knew you were so stubborn?”

“I give you space. You’re always locked away in here. It’s like there’s nowhere better you’d wanna be.”

Actually, there is one alternative.

He continues. “You do know you are allowed to leave here, right? You can go out and drive around the city for a little bit. You can go to the park and feed the ducks. Hell, we could maybe go out and get dinner once in awhile. Have you ever thought about the idea that we haven’t spent any time together?”

I roll my eyes. “That’s all we do.”

He shakes his head quickly from side to side. “No, Abby, I mean really spend time together. I’m talking about actually walking around Manhattan and spending the afternoon acting like tourists or going for a quick run around the block. I feel that I’m somewhat confined here too because you refuse to leave.”

I blink at him, then look away.

“Just think on it, okay? Remaining trapped in here isn’t going to make anything easier. I think it’d be good for us to go out and get some air. Obviously, not today, but sometime in the near future.”

“You have no idea what’s good for me.”

He sighs frustratedly. “You’re right. I don’t. But I think a step in this direction might have us both uncover what actually is.”

I don’t say anything.

“Wanna give it a shot?”

I lift up my hands and slap them against my knees. “Fine.”

“Okay. And with that, I will now leave you alone.”

Finally.

He walks across the carpet again and grabs hold of the door, shutting it quietly behind him. The footsteps disappear.

I have to admit, he’s not wrong. I have been making the decision to stay in the apartment. It’s not helping me, but it’s what I’ve adjusted to. Why change the routine when it’s working? No one else needs to agree. No one has to support it. No one has to approve. I’m choosing how I deal with it. And it’s enough.

The rest of the day is spent in my own head. I don’t even attempt to start another conversation with him. All he’s gonna do is talk about what he thinks I need to change. I don’t wanna say that he’s trying to force it on me, but I just feel that constant pressure to be over it by now. Every single day has not been easy since. The saying “Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud” is exactly what he’s trying to do. He’s anything but a rainbow. More of a category 5 hurricane trying to wash everything away and take me with him.

It’s dark out now, the stars illuminating the sky. The post-rain air has made its way in. I’ve opened the balcony doors to cool down my room. The distant sound of traffic makes me temporarily miss being stuck in it. The bright LED lights on the store signs makes me tempted to go down and walk through the doors of one. The sturdiness of the black railing makes me want to sit on the edge and drop from it.

But I won’t. That’s too easy.

In fact, I know an easier way.

The closet has made its return. I open the door and grab the pillow and blanket, tossing them to the floor behind me. Stepping over them, I walk in the opposite direction to the nightstand where I placed the card, cologne, and concert tickets. I take all three and place the tickets inside the card. As for the cologne, I wrap it up in the blanket. I pick everything up off the floor and make my way out to the balcony. I stand there for a few moments, clutching it all tightly against my chest. I can’t bear to hold onto it. My arms are getting tired. Everything about me is just tired. It never seems to end. Two months later and he’s still finding a way to haunt me, this time through gifts that I cannot utilize. You know what? Maybe it was a good thing I had to wait so long to get them. They sure weren’t going to help me anyway.

I drop everything over the balcony, watching it fall to the concrete. Then, I shut the doors and close the curtains. I do the same thing with the closet and crawl my way into the bed, turning off the lamp. If I am not allowed to enjoy these things to my fullest potential, then no one else will be allowed to. Fuck him.

As I drift off to sleep, I can’t help but think about a random stranger finding them on the sidewalk and just stealing it for themselves. All of that is personalized. It was just for me. Doesn’t matter. It can make someone else happy now. There’s no coming back from that, and I don’t think that I’m ever going to.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The chirpy birds serve as my alarm as I keep my head buried in my pillow. “God, leave me alone,” I mumble.

The sun has returned, as I see it peaking on the carpet. There’s only so much light that can protrude through before it becomes an eyesore. Aggravated weekend traffic has resumed, given the nonstop honking. It helps to know that other people must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed, too. Dragging myself out from under the covers, I sit on the side of the bed and vigorously rub my eyes. It’s clear the eyebags are still there. I’ve thought it would’ve become a permanent part of my physical appearance by now. Strands of hair fall next to my eyes, temporarily interfering with my ability to see. I push it out of the way and grip the bed, my feet landing on the carpet first before I stand myself up. Ignoring the closed curtains, I open one of the balcony doors and overlook the city before looking down at the spot where all of the gifts landed.

They’re gone.

Well, that’s a relief, I think to myself. The worst case scenario would have it still be lying there. At least it held enough value for someone to take it. Whoever that person was, they definitely hit the jackpot. Enjoy.

I walk back into my room and shut the door, keeping the curtains where they are. Making my way toward the actual door, I handle the knob before emerging out into the kitchen. There’s something on the counter. It looks big. It’s definitely taking up space. However, it doesn’t look edible, so it’s not breakfast. I walk a little further to get a better look.

First, I’m met with the judgmental eyes of the man of the year. His hands are planted on the counter. I can see his veins. I’ll go under the assumption that he’s building some type of tension there.

And then I’m met with the pillow. And the blanket. And the card. And the cologne. And the concert tickets.

“You’ve got some explaining to do.” I can tell he’s so over it. You’re not the only one.

“No, I really don’t.” I walk over to the living room area, looking out the window so that I don’t have to face him. “How did you even find it?”

“I’m not an idiot, Abby. I was taking out the trash and I saw everything lying there. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?”

“I was thinking to get rid of it.”

“Why on earth would you do that?”

“Because I don’t need it.”

“Hey, you know how much he must’ve spent on all of that to give it to you?”

“Yeah, well, he never did, did he?”

Another deafening silence.

“You could at least store it so that it’s not just lying away.”

“Oh, yeah, for it to only collect dust? What a real smart idea.”

“It’s better than having it spread out on the concrete in Manhattan.”

“I was doing myself a favor.”

“Which was what?”

“Getting rid of him.” I move to the other window on the other side of the TV, still avoiding any type of contact.

“I don’t think that’s the right way to do that.”

“I don’t give a damn what you think.” I raise my voice in the slightest octave. “Why can’t you just let me do things the way I want to? You keep trying to save something that’s already gone. There’s no need to salvage it.”

“You can’t replace these things.”

“It’s not a matter of replacing. It’s a matter of letting go. Something you’ve already done.”

“And something you’re not even remotely close to doing, so why start now?”

Ouch.

“Abb, you need to get help.”

Here we go again.

“I don’t need help.”

“Yeah, you do. If you were thinking clearly, you wouldn’t have even thought of throwing away those memories.”

“They’re not memories, they’re pity prizes.”

“Fine, call them whatever you want. In the meantime, I’m gonna call someone who can work this out with you.”

“No.”

“You have not left this place since the day we got back from the funeral. Go out, get some air, and I’m not talking about just standing on the balcony. I mean really go out and take some time for yourself.”

“Oh, you’re not gonna join me?” I reply sarcastically. “That’s a first.”

“I’m worried about you.”

Those words cause me to turn and look at him. “Now you’re worried about me? A month ago, you wished that I was dead, but all of a sudden, you care? Your empathy’s been restored? Your heart’s finally started beating again?”

“Your’s hasn’t.”

Ouch again.

“I can’t stand to see you like this,” Jimmy says. “We need to figure something out.”

We? I thought this time, it’d be me. You know, since it’s been us against each other.

“Not now.”

“Okay, fine, not now, but soon. I don’t wanna go out one day and come back here and see you passed out on the floor.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Oh, I think I do.”

“Jim, I promise that you don’t.”

He lifts his hands from the counter, moving them to his hips. “How do I not know that you throwing that stuff off the balcony was alluding to someone else doing the exact same thing?”

“Because it’s not.”

He rolls his eyes. “I give up with you. Really, I do.”

I just stare back at him.

He walks over to the direction of where I’m standing by the window, positioned toward the door as if he’d leave. “I am letting you know right now that if you ever, ever, ever try to pull something like that on me, and I’m the one that finds you, and they’re not able to get you back, I will never forgive myself. You understand? I know that I seem like a helicopter whirring over you, but seriously, it’s in my best interest. I know that you don’t trust me right now, and that’s fine. I’m just gonna put it out there and say that doing what you might want to do as a last resort and getting away with it, if you fail, it’s going to take a long time to earn my trust back. I’ve always been here for you, and it’s only fair you do the same. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Directing himself back to the kitchen, Jimmy reaches into the pantry and pulls out a brown paper bag. He got bagels again.

“Pick the one you want and I’ll throw it in the toaster,” he instructs.

With slight hesitancy, I make my way to the island, peering through the bag. It smells so good, so fresh. I think Sunday bagel breakfasts should be a little tradition that we start. I’ll ask him at a better time. Choosing the sesame seed bagel, I give it to Jimmy, who cuts it down the middle and pops it in the toaster. He does the same to his bagel. This time, he chose an everything one. I’m surprised he deterred from the plain. You’d think it’d be impossible for him to give up that consistent routine of picking it, but I won’t call him out. I always thought plain bagels were boring, and the man that loves them is surely not.

“Jim?”

He turns around, not even looking at me. He’s handing me a plate. “Yeah?”

“Are you really that worried about me?”

A disgruntled sigh leaves his mouth. “Abby, I literally did not sleep that night because even I couldn’t figure out what was really going on. Frequently, I can’t sleep because I think about how you might not wake up after I find out you’ve done something to yourself. I don’t like the change in mood. I’m not blaming you by any means, but I’ve noticed that it’s become a little more drastic and I just wish that I could have a bigger role in stopping its growth.”

“Then just watch me sleep from now on,” I reply. “You’ve done it before.”

He scoffs. “C’mon, I’ve never done that.”

“I once heard my door open while I was sleeping and then shut like 20 seconds later. It would’ve been impossible if someone wasn’t there to twist the knob.”

Another sigh. “Okay, fine, it was me.”

I smile. “No shit, Sherlock. Do you want me to move in your room, share a bed? I call left side.”

He laughs. “I’m good. Plus, it would be your turn of invading my privacy.”

I bat my eyes at him. “Yeah, but I’d only be trying to help you, right?”

“Fuck off,” he responds, and I giggle.

The toaster dings and Jimmy turns around, taking out both bagels. He hands mine over to my plate and slides the cream cheese over. “I know you’d never voluntarily take butter.”

I take a knife and open the container, sticking it in and spreading it on the first half. “You know what’s funny? I always thought you were a butter guy.”

He shakes his head. “Nah, it’s too much sodium for my liking. You can buy several flavors of cream cheese, while butter just remains the same. It gets redundant after awhile.”

“Like me?”

There goes the puppy-dog eyes. That’s when I know he’s about to be serious with his words. “Anyone but you.”

Anyone but you.

Anyone but me.

The world could end tomorrow and he’d probably want to spend the last few minutes with me, wouldn’t he?

I don’t think so. Nice try.

Breakfast is quick and quiet as always. I don’t even end up finishing all of my bagel. I tell him that I’ll save it for later. Both of us know that’s not true.

I get up from my chair and motion toward my room. That is until I forget the gifts are still sitting on the counter. No. I don’t wanna bear the weight of them in my arms again. I’d be carrying the burden right back in when I don’t need it. However, I’ve somewhat succumbed to the thought already. Would it really make a difference?

Picking up from where I left off, dead in my tracks, I lift my feet again and head toward my place of solace. Again, it can’t hurt me if I don’t see it. Well, that doesn’t apply to everything, but whatever.

Shutting the door, I walk over to the nightstand and grab the remote, turning on the TV and flipping through the channels. Brain rotting for the rest of the day sounds better than talking about nothing.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday was the same.

Tuesday was too.

Wait, what day comes after Tuesday? Last time I checked, I was repeating the same cycle over and over.

I’m awoken not by my alarm, but my phone lighting up my home screen. It sent me a notification. It’s a message.

And of course, who else would it be from?

It reads Ran out to get us Dunkin. I’ll be back in a little bit

How long is a little bit? Ten minutes? Thirty minutes? An hour? Ten hours? Hell, not coming back at all?

I drag myself out of bed and head straight for the door, opening it to walk the short distance into the bathroom. I shut the door and turn on the light. Staring at myself in the mirror, I evaluate my reflection. She’s unrecognizable again. The hair is too messy, the face is forming boarders of stress zits (at least that’s what I suppose), the eyebags look a little heavier, skin a little paler, brain more foggier.

I grip my hands on the sink and wander my eyes down to the counter. Jimmy was obviously in here before he left. His toothbrush looks to be drying and a razor sitting on the marble countertop.

I pick up the razor, looking down at the shiny blade with what feels like not a wave of exhaustion, but a wave of dehydration coming over me. It occurs that I never filled up my water bottle before I went to bed. I could always get up in the middle of the night and refill it, but I don’t wanna wake him. Besides, I’ve never felt comfortable being active in the late night hours. How weird to be awake when everyone else is asleep.

My vision starts to blur, and I immediately grab the counter for support. I crouch down onto the floor an lay my legs down on the bathmat and my head back against the wall, shutting my eyes. Gosh, I’m freezing. It’s not like the A.C. is on. I blindly fumble for the razor that’s still sitting on the sink, feeling it fall into my lap. I press the blade to my face, feeling the cool metal rest on some part of my body. Surely, it will help.

But it doesn’t.

I move it to my kneecaps. Nope, not there, either.

I pin it to my wrist. That’s the spot.

The feeling of goosebumps take over my body, legs shaking at the sensation. I still can’t see clearly. Shutting my eyes again, the blade traces around my wrist. I still feel cold.

One slow, steady motion.

And then another.

A rapid gasp escapes my mouth, settling into the intruding warmth. Now I feel better.

Until I don’t.

Between the dizziness and the absence of sharp metal doing everything it can to keep me warm, my head slides off the wall and hits the floor. It’s at a cool temperature. I don’t feel myself starting to slow down, but my eyes are pressed closed. I can feel my lips slowly part.

I see him. He’s smiling. He’s been waiting for me. “There you are, babe. I hated waiting this long. Let’s go finish the story we never got to write.”

I take a weak yet deep breath. “Okay.”

And then he’s guiding me past the gates.

Or so I think.

He disappears. Where did he go? I guess this pattern of leaving continues in the afterlife.

Or so I think again.

He comes back with his A bracelet. He smirks. “You really thought I left without it, huh?”

I shake my head, smiling. “But I did.”

“Don’t worry about that. That’s what this place is for. It’s all about fresh starts.”

A fresh start, you say?

“I can’t believe you’d do that for me,” he continues.

I look into his bright blue eyes. “I had no other choice.”

“Of course you did.”

“And what was that?”

“To live.”

I look back at him with a blank stare.

He grabs me by the hand. “Live for me.”

I sigh. “But I already did.”

“No, you didn’t. You’ve barely even started.”

“I can’t do it.”

“Sure you can. You’ve done it for 2 months already. It’s just the rest of your life to go.”

“That’s a long time.”

“You know what? Maybe it is. Soon enough, you’ll be here when you need to. But not right now.”

“What do you mean?”

I see the gates open. He turns around, dragging me by the arm.

“Go live for me, will you?”

I try to escape his grip. “No, no, I can’t do it again! Why can’t I just come with you?”

“Because that’s not how this is going to work.”

“Well, then, how is it going to work?”

“It starts with you waking up each day and me not being the first thought. You’ll move on from there.”

“But I don’t want to!” I yell in earshot.

“Gonna have to, babe,” he responds. “You’ve got people waiting for you.”

‘Yeah, like who?”

“Your family, the team, anyone that you have ever known is anxiously awaiting your return.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Then why do I see you lying down on the gurney in the back of an ambulance?”

What?

“Why does Jim’s face look red, like he’s just finished crying?”

But he’s never cried. What is he even doing here?

“Why are you intubated?”

I don’t know.

“Why did your heart stop beating again?”

It’s never beaten since you’ve left.

“Why are paramedics pushing down on your chest?”

It’s a lost cause.

“Okay, never mind, babe, you came back. Whew! That was a close one.”

Damn it.

“Oh, the ambulance stopped! I think we’re here!”

Great.

“Hey! New York Presbyterian! I died here! What makes me think they’re gonna save you?”

I hope they don’t.

“You know what, Abby? You might have actually gotten your wish.”

God do I hope so.

“Aw man, do you see Jim’s face? Look at it. He looks scared out of his mind, like he saw a ghost or something. I’ve never seen him like that.”

Me either.

“Yeah, you might wanna turn around and walk back through these gates. Once you wake up, he’s gonna kill you.”

I’d dare to see him try.

“You’re really brave for doing this on his birthday. What a great present for him to have, right?”

Oh, no.

Wait.

Wait.

Oh, my God.

I forgot about that.

“Still wanna go back?”

No.

Anywhere but there.

“Help me,” I manage to say.

“Oh, honey, I can’t help you,” he begins. “But I can guide you, make sure you don’t do anything like that ever again.”

“I wanna go with you.”

“No, you failed this time. You’re not ready.”

“But I am.”

“You will be very soon.” He kisses my hand. “I gotta go. Do me a favor and wake up, yeah?”

And that’s exactly what I do.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My eyes struggle with fluttering open, but I feel another cool metal surface beneath my hands. It definitely doesn’t feel like the bathroom.

It’s quiet. I can hear distant murmurs, but none of them can be picked up on in a close distance.

I wiggle my fingers and then my toes. My vision slowly starts to come back, too.

The first thing I notice is the grippy socks that are covering my feet. They’re blue. They barely fit. Something’s not right.

After that, I look at the closed door. There are signs on the back of it, depicting a pain scale and informational resources. Physically, my pain is a 10. Emotionally, my pain is a 10 too, thanks for asking.

On my left side, there’s a sink with a long countertop and numerous cabinets. I wonder what’s in them.

I start to feel like I’ve been stripped of my clothes. That’s because I have been. 

I look down ay my legs and notice I’m covered in a cotton gown. It’s got blue and white designs. I’m starting to feel warm again.

My wrists feel tight, and that’s because of the bandages and gaws that are taped down. It’s difficult to move them around. Wait a minute. Why do I have bandages on?

I take a deep breath and divert my gaze into the corner. I see a shadow sitting in a chair. It’s slightly hunched over, their face buried in their hands. I don’t think it’s crying, but it sure looks discombobulated.

I don’t even know who it is.

The shadow lifts itself up from its bent position, sitting up straight now. I can hear the tapping of one of their shoes on the floor. A shaky breath, rubbing their hands on their thighs. A sniff of the nose. The feeling of their eyes watching me.

I look down at my right wrist. It’s got a bracelet on it. Only it’s not the one with the R in the middle.

It looks like an admitted bracelet.

It’s got my name, birthday, and unit that I’m placed in.

Emergency.

What happened?

I look back up to the shadow.

Only it’s not a shadow anymore.

There’s an actual person sitting there.

An actual person has come to see me? Oh, how sweet.

That is until I get a better look.

At him. 

Ryan was right.

Jimmy. 

He’s actually sitting there.

RIght where I can see.

And it looks like it’ll be his turn to kill me.

His face is red, his body completely on high alert. He might just bounce out of that chair if someone opens up that door.

He doesn’t say anything. He looks at me with the darkest set of eyes I have ever seen. It’s like they’ve lost their sparkle, their shine. Let’s just say they’ve gone lifeless.

He’s not the only one.

I stare back at him. I can feel my glasses on my face, helping me see him better. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if I’ve ever noticed him look so utterly hopeless. Not until this moment, at least.

I don’t say anything either. I’m waiting for one of his sarcastic, knife-stabbing words to take a dagger at my heart. You know, the one that literally stopped beating? That’s a first occurrence where I don’t have to live in a figurative state of mind.

Everything about him looks absolutely disheveled. His face, his clothes, his hands that are holding so much tension right now, given that I can see his veins, that I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to strangle me and have me go for another round.

But he doesn’t budge.

And with sudden abruptness, as the door starts to open, he quietly says these three words.

“You promised me.”

I just sit there, no change in expression. Wait, what did I promise him?

Both an ER doctor and nurse emerge from behind the door. The doctor is a middle-aged man, probably not too much older than Jimmy. The nurse is a woman with her shiny blonde hair in a slick ponytail. She’s got pink and purple pens sitting in her coat pocket. Neither of them look excited. Instead, sad.

The doctor opens his mouth as the nurse shuts the door. “Hi, I’m Dr. Sanderson.” He points to the nurse. “And this is Dr. Rileston. She’s gonna take some of your vitals real quick.”

I adjust my sitting position on the bed, watching Dr. Rileston listen to my heart, both on my chest and upper back, “Elevated, but steady,” she reports.

Then she takes my blood pressure. “Elevated, but steady,” she repeats.

Then I have to follow the pink pen waving in front of my eyes. “Alert and functioning. Doesn’t look like there’s any signs of brain damage.”

Guess she’s a woman of few words. Concise and to the point.

That’s how I wish our conversations would go.

It’s time for Dr. Sanderson to possibly interrogate me. “Can you recall what you were doing before the attempt? Do you remember what happened? Anything helps, even if it’s the smallest detail.”

I swallow the saliva in my throat. “I don’t know,” I squeak out. “I was in the bathroom and then got dizzy, so I sat on the floor.”

“And you don’t remember taking anything with you?”

I pause. “No, but I did get cold.”

He clears his throat. “There was a profuse amount of bleeding from both your wrists when paramedics arrived. Not before your friend here found you.”

I’ve just made his most recent nightmare an actual reality.

“He said,” gesturing to Jimmy, “that you were pale and your lips were dry. Could it be that you were dehydrated before this?”

“That explains the dizziness, I guess,” I reply soft spokenly.

“He found a razor in your right hand. That was yours, I presume?”

I don’t answer.

“Based on the extent of the injury, we can assume that this was intentional?”

I don’t answer again.

“Yes.”

That didn’t come from me.

Dr. Sanderson turns his attention to Jimmy. “It was?”

He meets his eyes. They’re not glassy, but they might as well could be. “I’m completely positive.”

I hate him even more than I ever thought I did.

“Has she ever had thoughts of killing herself?”

“Yeah, she’s joked about it a couple times.”

I hate him.

“She lost her boyfriend in a car accident 2 months ago. Hasn’t been the same since.”

I hate you.

“Any changes in mood, appetite, lifestyle?”

Jimmy answers for me again because God forbid I should. Who cares? Let the man blabber on.

“She has her own place, but she’s been living with me for the time being. Appetite’s been the same, but I’ve noticed her not eating as much, let alone finishing her meals. I’ll say that her mood tends to differ, but honestly, she’s been upset and sounds a little hopeless that nothing will get better. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have done this.”

It feels like a knife being stabbed to the heart.

“Are you concerned about her inflicting harm on yourself or others?” Dr. Sanderson asks.

I look at him, and then at Jimmy.

“She’s already done so, just not physically. But to answer the question, no, I am not.”

Did he really have to mention that first part? Of course he did.

“Well, we have two options here,” Dr. Sanderson continues. “We can keep her here under 48-72 hour watch and then refer her to grief counseling, where they’ll prescribe her treatment, or we can get someone in here to clean and bandage up the cuts, give you the referrals, and then you’ll be on out of here.” He looks at Jimmy. “It’s up to you.”

Wait.

It’s not up to me?

“Given her current status, we’d feel more comfortable if someone else were to make the decision. The situation can account for not being in the right mental space to think about something like that.”

Seriously?

“If I were to keep her here, she’d have to be admitted, right?”

Oh, don’t tell me-

Dr. Sanderson nods. “We’d admit her to the ICU, have a nurse check in on her about every hour or so, perhaps bring a psychiatrist down and speak with her about options to seek help.”

God, I hate that word.

I can tell that Jimmy’s concentrating. I don’t think he’s even afraid of saying the wrong thing. If he wants to get the hell away from me, get some temporary freedom, maybe it’s his best choice to have me stay.

He catches me looking. Please, please don’t do what I think you might. However, he has every option to do so. As we’ve already established, I’m not in control of this decision because I’m too weak, too empty minded. What kind of patient care is this? I swear it has to be some sort of hoax. It’s gotta be, right? No.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll let her get bandaged up.”

Oh, thank God.

Dr. Sanderson tilts his head, perhaps in uncertainty. “You certain?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy replies. “She’s not a danger to anyone.”

“But do you think she is to herself?”

“I don’t think she ever will be again after this.”

He sighs. “Alright, then. We’ll have a nurse come in and clean the cuts, then stitch them up.”

Jimmy clears his throat. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Dr. Sanderson replies. He and Dr. Rileston walk out the door, shutting it behind them.

The sound of noise coming from the hallway is the only one that fills the room. I hear a loud, frustrated sigh, face buried in hands again.

I stare up at the clock. It’s a little past 11:30. It feels like we’re here at night, but my mind is playing tricks on me. I want to get out of here.

Neither one of us thinks about talking. He’s too distraught, and I can’t take back what I did. I can’t justify it. I will say this, though: He is definitely having a harder time at grasping this than I am. Did he seriously think it wouldn’t happen? I literally warned him.

There’s a knock on the door. A woman enters. She’s got curly brown hair and glasses. “Hi, I’m Dr. Cole,” she says. “We’re just gonna clean and sterilize these cuts and then bandage them up good as new. I’m just gonna remove these gaws, okay?”

I don’t even nod. Instead, I zone out on the posters plastered on the wall. Then, I decide to close my eyes. Perhaps I can transport myself into another world where I meet with him under different circumstances. That was until I feel the rubbing alcohol make contact with my left wrist, making me wince.

“Yeah, it might sting a little bit. Just gotta hang in there.”

Oh, I’ll try.

Jimmy can’t even bear to look at me. He’s got his phone in between his hands, probably texting the group chat (you know, the one without me, of course) about what happened. Then again, it is everybody’s business, right?

I don’t know it took me this long to see this, but he’s got my purse resting on his lap. He seriously thought to bring it? Okay.

Dr. Cole moves her spinny chair over to my right wrist, starting the cleaning process. I turn away from the both of them, staring at the cabinets. I wonder what hospitals really keep in there. I’ve never seen them open, let alone be touched. Are they just there for show? The rubbing alcohol burns my skin again, so I clench my left hand into a fist, digging my fingernails into my palm, forming tiny crescents. It’s only a few seconds before she applies this cream onto my cut, taking away the uncomfortable sensation. She goes back to my left side and does the same for my other one. Finally, she takes the bandages resting on the tray and unwraps the roll, cutting it with scissors at an appropriate length before lifting my wrist and rolling it around tightly until it ends. She repeats the procedure once more.

“Given the depth of the cuts, there is a possibility they might scar if you don’t take care of them,” she says. “You’ll want to clean them out with rubbing alcohol and any kind of anti-inflammatory cream. It will decrease the current bits of swelling and the risk of infection.”

Great. Another thing to keep on top of.

She gives me a sympathetic smile, but I barely look at her. “You’re all set. One of you will just need to sign out at the front desk, and then Dr. Sanderson told me to remind you about doing research on certain grief counselors in the area. He’s already got a list printed out.”

Jimmy nods. “Thanks.”

“Of course.” She shuts the door behind her.

I sit up from the bed, my legs dangling off of it. I hold on to the tiny bit of courage I have to speak. “Do you know where my clothes are?”

He reaches underneath his chair, my pajamas scrunched up in a plastic bag. Yeah, that totally doesn’t elicit a similar memory.

He extends his arm out for me to grab it. “I’ll let you change,” he mutters, not even looking at me, as he stands up and opens the door, shutting it quietly behind him. I don’t hear the footsteps fading away. He’s seriously trying to guard me? When will it end?

I notice that he took my purse with him. Does he not know I could easily wear it myself? Why can’t I just get through to him? It’s exhausting.

I undo the knot on the back of the gown and shimmy my way out of it, the only thing remaining on being my underwear. I open the bag and fumble for my bra, T-shirt, and shorts. Oh, and don’t forget the slippers (Yeah, he totally picked those out. I guess those would be the easiest to put in there). After I’ve put everything on, I take one last look around the room. It’s a miracle he chose to let me leave. Someone in their right mind would have me remain here against my will, but I don’t think it would do him any better if he wouldn’t be around to check on me. Guess I’ve signed up for more of his helicopter “parenting.”

Opening the door, I slowly walk out, looking around for him. Where the heck did he go?

And then I spot him at the front desk with the receptionist. I would assume he’s signing me out. In his right hand, he’s holding what I believe to be Dr. Sanderson’s list and a bunch of brochures. Damn, he’s really not gonna give me the chance to explain myself, huh?

Then again, I’m not sure if this can be worth an explanation. 

He turns around and notices me awkwardly hanging by the door, motioning his head toward the exit. Ah, I see we’re on no speaking terms again. I walk as quick as I can in my slippers and remain behind him. He’s literally walking so fast that it’s freaking me out. I’m afraid he’s actually planning on abandoning me.

Just as I think that, he stops dead in his tracks on the pavement outside the hospital. Turning around again and looking at me, I’m expecting him to start a scene. No, he wouldn’t do that. His self-control is too high. He walks a little closer, my heartbeat picking up speed, the opposite of what it did just around two and a half hours ago.

“I rode in the ambulance, so obviously, I can’t drive home. I’m gonna order an Uber, ‘kay?”

He sounds impatient, if anything, the tiniest amount of pissed off. I don’t even bother to respond.

We find a bench to sit on that surrounds the flowers growing in their own little corner. They’re so many different colors. The miniscule attention to detail when it comes to those things do not usually go unnoticed. They’re always so pretty that I wish I could pick one up from the dirt and take it home. I’m obviously not going to do it now, but it’s just a thought. It’s a nice distraction.

He’s looking out at the parking lot, watching cars roll on by, pull into an unoccupied spot, people entering and exiting. Anything he can do to avoid me. I don’t blame him.

“Could I have my purse, please?” I ask.

He flings it over to me, hitting me on the thigh. I bite my tongue, doing my very damn best not to cry. That action alone can signify he’s already given up on me.

I clutch it in my hands, my eyes already starting to burn. No. I will not let him win. Not today, at least.

Side-eyeing him, I can see he’s on his phone again, probably telling the group chat ‘Oh, hey, she’s walking free! Without being given any time to think about her decisions! Isn’t that great? Fuck yeah!’ His leg bounces like it’s an out-of-control bug that’s buzzing around a room. I wanna hold it down so it can stop, but I’m sure he’d lose his mind at the thought of me, out of all people, attempting to provide any comfort to him right now.

Our Uber shows up about 5 minutes later. At least it wasn’t too long of a wait. I don’t know how more I could’ve continued sitting next to someone who has all of their emotions bottled up and slowly leaking from a powder keg. If it won’t happen today, I’ve delayed the inevitable. And that’s my fault. I know.

Entering the backseat, I sit down quietly, putting on my seatbelt and listening to Jimmy giving the driver the address before we take off. I try to remove all of the voices in my head by staring out the window. The sun is shining at perhaps its highest angle of the day, and I’m not even halfway through it yet. It’s almost blinding, but maybe it can cleanse my eyes, help me see in a different light. Bad joke, sorry.

The drive is dead silent that you could hear a pin drop. I wanna jump out of a moving vehicle again. It feels like I’m suffering, as this could’ve been the worst punishment the universe chose to grant me. However, I think the worst punishment has already occurred. There’s no need for another one.

When we make it back to the apartment, both of us get out of the car and walk through the parking lot to get up to the entrance doors. He doesn’t even wait for me. That’s deserved.

I see him get in the elevator and watch the doors immediately close. It’s okay. I’ll wait for the next one. When the next one does arrive, I step in slowly, pressing the ‘4’ on the keypad. As the doors close again, this time around me, I have never felt more alone. I’m so used to him being next to me that I recently started to push him away without totally realizing it. It’s not like I reached my goal, but my actions and attitudes are continued catalysts for it to actually become a thing, where I’ll have to listen to him telling me to pack my things and go back home and to never come here again. Because I didn’t promise him.

The doors open and I walk out, tiptoeing down the hallway. The apartment door is still open, so at least he didn’t forget that I was still trailing behind. I thought it would be in his benefit to not let me in at all. Luckily, I have a key. Unless he actually locks it with the latch. I won’t have so much luck then.

Walking through the entrance, I notice the Dunkin sitting on the counter. He’s got his regular, bland, boring coffee, and for me a matcha latte. He knows how much I love it. There’s a corresponding bag next to it. I think there’s donuts in there, but at this point, I don’t think I’ll ever get to know.

He’s sitting on the couch. The TV’s not on, so I’m not sure what he’s staring at. I shut the door behind me and lock it. That’s enough to grab his attention and shift his frame to intimidate me once again.

“Get the hell over here,” he says gravelly.

I kick off my slippers and walk over hesitantly. I stand on the rug that’s beneath the couch.

“Sit down,” he continues.

I sit on the coffee table in front of him.

“Look at me.”

Again, why should I?

I do it anyway. His face isn’t red anymore, but you can tell the life has been drained right out of it. He doesn’t look relaxed; in fact, kinda the same way he did after we drove back from packing up my things at my condo.

“What-,” he begins, “in the hell,” he pauses, “is wrong with you?”

I shrug. “I don’t know.”

He scoffs angrily. “You don’t know? I’ll let the blood on the bathroom floor do the talking then.”

“I’m s-”

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” He seethes through his teeth. “You are not, and you sure as hell ain’t getting out of it this time.”

I look down at my bandaged wrists.

“How could you be so selfish?”

I continue looking down. “I wasn’t.”

“Really? That type of action doesn’t scream selfish to you?”

“No,” I whisper softly.

“What was that?”

“No.”  I say it a little louder.

Another frustrated sigh makes its way out of his mouth. “Do you wanna hear my side of the story?”

I don’t, but I know he’s going to tell me anyway, rubbing more salt in the wound.

“I walked through the door, put everything down on the counter, and saw your bedroom door was open, so I thought you were in there. It didn’t take me long to see the bathroom door, though, was closed. So, I had to make a choice, figuring out where I thought you were. I chose the bathroom. I walk over to the door, knock on it, call out your name. No answer. I knock on it again. No answer. I notice it’s unlocked, so I open it, bracing myself to accidentally walk in on you using the bathroom as worse case scenario. I don’t even get to move it halfway before I just see you lying there, motionless, my razor in your hand.”

Can’t even imagine how he feels right now.

“It takes me a quick minute to notice the blood trickling on the floor, trying to figure out where the hell it’s coming from. I thought you might’ve accidentally ran into the wall or something and passed out.” He smiles as he scoffs. “Oh, boy, was I wrong.”

Can’t even look at him.

“So I back out of there, my hand literally shaking as I grab my phone on the counter, dial 911, speak to the operator, telling her my name, my address, why I’m calling, waiting for paramedics to arrive. They knock on the door. I let them in. They rush into the bathroom, hook you up to the Lifepak. The lead paramedic tells me you’re not breathing. He says it’s perhaps due to the amount of blood you lost. I watch them lift you up on the gurney, buckle you in as I’m running into your room to grab your things. The bed’s not made, the blinds aren’t open, nothing’s the way it should be. I grab your slippers to make sure you have shoes to walk in. I grab my things off the counter and follow them out. My heart is beating one million miles a minute. I feel like I might as well have a heart attack in that moment to be dramatic.”

Still can’t.

“And we’re in the back of the ambulance, literally clenching your purse in my hands, wondering if this is all I’m gonna have left of you. They got your heart back, and then you flatlined. Four minutes.”

I can feel his eyes burning into my face somehow.

“Pushing down on your chest, fighting to get you back. And they did. The only thought I had in that moment was having to attend another funeral.”

Well, good thing you don’t now.

“Got to the hospital. They dragged you out of the back and onto the pavement, rushing you in while I slowly followed behind. Heck, I was so close to just not walking in at all. But, if I remember correctly, I said that we have to be there for each other, and I can’t go back on my word. You did.”

I know that.

“The emergency trauma unit brings you to your own room. They unstrap you from the gurney, get you changed out of your clothes, get you your own bracelet. Meanwhile, here I am, sitting in the chair, you sitting in the bed, eyes closed, an IV jabbed into your arm, hooked up to monitors so that your body doesn’t get another chance to crap out.”

I didn’t even hear the sound of a monitor when I woke up.

“The paramedics bandaged you up in the bathroom. I’m looking at them. They’re almost blood-soaked red. It makes me wince. It makes me wanna wake you up myself and take that knife I pointed at your chest and move it to your throat.”

We’re really bringing that back? I thought we were past it.

Guess not.

“And I got to wondering: how do I make the best of this situation? There’s always a silver lining, right? Wrong.”

Damn.

“You could’ve fucking died, and I would’ve been the last one to see you. I thought that maybe I shouldn’t have left the apartment. I should’ve stayed. I feel responsible, even though there’s no logical reason for me to.”

I stare down at the carpet, distracting myself with the patterns.

“Finally, like the grace of God, and the grace of the universe, you woke up. I knew you would. You had to. Why? Because I was not letting you leave without hearing from me first.”

Of course you wouldn’t.

“By the way, the reason I didn’t let you stay is because for these past two months, you have never been good at doing things alone. I don’t wanna get a call in the middle of the night to find out you’ve flatlined again or worse. We’ve already been here on the other side of things, having to wait for news. This time, we were part of the actual event. Again, I still waited. You, however, were tired of waiting.”

Jimmy shifts on the couch, sitting up from what was his lackadaisical posture, and sits up straight, moving toward the edge of the cushion. He takes his hands and places them on my kneecaps. His palms have taken their turn to start burning. That gesture alone reluctantly makes me break the avoidance and I look straight at him, brown eyes lacking so much life. I grip my hands on the table.

His voice returns to normal, less agitation and still the same amount of seriousness, but it’s somewhat shifted elsewhere. “I’m going to look through those brochures, and the names that Dr. Sanderson has on that paper, and I’m gonna research and see which place has the best reviews, the best people to see, the best outcome they can give you. This is non-negotiable. No more excuses, no more outs. No more hospital visits. I’ve only been saying it for so long. You need help, and now you’re getting it.”

The only thing I can manage to do is blink. “Sorry.”

He looks at me apologetically. “But you’re not. If you were, you never would’ve done it. We both know that.”

I can’t even nod. I just look away.

“C’mon,” he says, removing his hands and standing up. My knees are hot. “You gotta drink something.” He motions over to the counter, holding my matcha.

I get up and walk over to him, taking it from his hand. I rip the paper covering off the straw and poke it through the middle of the cup, taking a small sip. I could say that matcha does cure all sadness, but right now, it doesn’t.

Jimmy takes the donuts out of the bag. One’s double chocolate, the other’s strawberry frosted. He folds the bag over on the counter. I guess we’re using it as our plate. The strawberry one is definitely for me. Taking a bite, I savor the feeling of the icing and sprinkles relishing in my mouth. Some of them are definitely gonna get stuck in there, but they’ll eventually find their way out.

He’s sipping his coffee while staring at the top brochure, then moving his gaze to the window. The wind is moving the leaves around in a swift manner. It’s calm. His mind is definitely not.

I feel the need to remind him. I still keep my quiet tone. “Happy Birthday.”

There is no reason for me to even say that after what just happened, but I can’t wait another year. What if everything’s different then? We might not speak, I might be moved back in. There’s too many possibilities. There’s one action I already regret, but this one, I don’t.

He just looks at me with the slightest of frowns. It’s a combination of dissatisfied and sad. He does the right thing by not responding.

So we sit in silence, eating what we could consider our lunch, given it’s already the afternoon, with the brochures becoming more appealing. At least he now gets to do his favorite thing.

Helping me.

[scorpiongrassfield]

It's Time To Drop The Subject

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Pat’s warning to be gentle is starting to make more sense. You’d had an inkling about Theo’s role in all this, but you didn’t think that just talking about it would hurt him. 

You don’t want to do that to him, he’s been hurt enough. 

The crackling sound has become a roar, which doesn’t make you feel any less panicked. 

“No, no, Theo it’s okay. Let’s think about something else now, okay?” you say, trying to steer away from the disaster unfolding. 

You aren’t sure Theo hears you. He doesn’t indicate that he has, but he’s also busy coughing up creek water. 

“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” you say. Mostly for your own peace of mind. 

“Theo, Theo look at me. You aren’t in the water anymore. You’re in your house. You’ve got a mug of hot tea on the table and a friend with you. It’s gonna be okay, nothing bad is going to happen here,” you say. 

Theo finally manages to gasp in some air again. One breath, then another. You think he’s going to be okay. 

The crackling sound begins to subside. 

“We’re all safe here. You’re safe, Concrete is safe, I’m safe, we’ll be okay,” you say. 

Then you put your hand on his arm. Try to offer some grounding contact, some comfort. 

You regret it when the world shifts sideways. There’s an impact, like you’re being shoved sideways. Your head makes contact with something hard. Then, nothing. 

You wake up disoriented and coughing. Creek water is gross to have in your mouth, and unpleasant to cough up. Your lungs and throat hurt like hell. But you aren’t dying. 

You’re pretty sure you aren’t anyway. What was that, anyway? 

Pat’s notes on ghosts didn’t mention anything like this. You’ll have to ask them about it later. 

Once you can finally breathe without coughing again, you survey the area outside of the field. 

The forest is looking quite robust. You can hardly tell that a fire even happened. 

You can’t say the same thing for the cabin. 

It’s in worse shape than the first time you saw it, the top floor completely burned up. And there are still some flames visible. 

Shit. 

Vaulting yourself up, you hurry over to the cabin as fast as you can while feeling as rough as you do. 

You make it as far as the front walk before the shadow appears out of nowhere, right in front of you. 

It seems… upset. It makes a shooing motion, like it wants you to go away. 

You shake your head. “I need to make sure Theo and Concrete are okay.” 

The shadow presses a finger to where its lips would be, signaling for you to be quiet. 

You don’t have time for this, you try to go around the shadow. 

It moves to block your path again. 

“Hey, come on, this is important,” you say, trying to shove past it. 

“Oh, did I just hear something? I must be looking in the wrong place,” you hear someone call from inside the cabin. 

It sounds like Ametrine. 

That’s… very bad. 

You’re pretty sure you don’t want an exorcist anywhere near Theo. 

The shadow blocks your next attempt to run inside. 

It grabs you by the shoulders, uncharacteristically not hesistant to touch you. 

“I can’t protect you and deal with her at the same time, especially after what you just did. Go back to Pat and leave us alone for a while,” the voice you’ve come to associate with the shadow says, sounding kind of pissed off.

The shadow shoves you hard. 

So hard you’re shunted right out of the woods and into Pat’s car. 

It’s still parked in Theo’s driveway. 

Looking through the windshield, you can see that the cabin is still in one piece, no sign of fire. 

Still, you can’t help but be worried. 

You get out of the car, and head back up to the cabin. 

There’s no answer when you knock, which isn’t surprising. 

The door is unlocked when you check it though. 

“Theo? Are you still around?” you call out. 

No response.  

“I’m sorry about earlier. I won’t pry into your business anymore, I promise. But I’m kind of worried about you,” you explain. 

Nothing. 

You sigh and resign yourself to searching the cabin. 

He’s not in the kitchen, it’s empty except for the tea you made growing cold on the table. 

He wasn’t in the living room when you passed through it, either. He’s not anywhere on the first floor, and there’s no sign of Concrete either. 

The basement is equally devoid of inhabitants. 

Theo is probably at the diner now. He said he needed to go there next.  You wonder if the rigid schedule following a ghost thing, or a Theo thing. Or both. 

Still, you want to be sure. 

As you walk up to the second floor, you hear a crash from the direction of the game room.

You rush in to see that Concrete has knocked over the stack of game boxes that Theo had amassed while trying to figure out what to play earlier. 

“Hi, Concrete,” you greet the cat as you get a little closer. 

Concrete doesn’t seem to want to give you the time of day, and saunters away without acknowledging you. 

Well, at least it seems like the cat is alright. 

You put the games back on the shelf, then canvass the rest of the second floor. 

Concrete is curled up on the bed when you check the bedroom, but you leave it be. 

Theo doesn’t seem to be home anymore. 

That’s probably for the best, if Ametrine is hanging around the Cabin. But you’d still like to warn him. 

You almost consider driving over to the diner when you remember you have his phone number now. 

You shoot off a series of texts. 

[I’m really sorry about earlier and I understand if you don’t want to talk to me for a while]

[But I need you to know that I saw the exorcist near your house]

You consider leaving it at that, but then you remember that Theo might not register why an exorcist would be a danger to him. 

[I don’t know if you remember any of our conversation but she’s really dangerous]

[She’s violent to everyone, ghosts and living people]

[If you see a blond woman in a dress that looks like it's modeled after a black dahlia please run]

[And I’m sorry again] 

[Be safe]

With that, you put your phone back in your pocket. Whether or not Theo responds, you did your best to warn him. 

Pat is probably starting to worry about you considering how long you’ve been gone. 

You wave goodbye to Concrete and show yourself out of the house. 

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