#but I do have some scenes I'm pretty proud of and would not mind throwing out there

[obsessivestar]

'What If It's All A RomCom?' - a Ted Nivison x Reader

{{- Welcome to Chapter 4! Gonna ditch the Story Description from here on out. If this is your first chapter, I'd recommend reading Chapter 1, Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 first! Or just read this one if you want the good shit, up to you ;^) -}}

//General Warnings: 18+ fic, Reader implied to be afab and under 5'5.

Chapter Warnings: Heated language. Heavy kissing. Mentions of Jackbox (Idk if that should count as a warning but the game is in this chapter so if you don't know of it you might get confused)\\

> Word count: 4.7k (I'm so fucking sorry LMAO)

☆▪︎▪︎▪︎Taglist!▪︎▪︎▪︎☆

@k-k0129

☆▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎☆

Chapter 4: You Don't Wanna Kiss Me?

The shots we had just done looked very pretty, actually. The crew had gotten this one beautiful shot of the extras throwing around the ball on the left with Ted and I along the flagpole on the right, the bright sun giving this shadowy effect to us all. Good. This way, you can't see how absolutely embarrassed I was with how close Ted was to me; practically had me pinned against that pole. It did make for an excellent shot though, and I could tell Tanner was proud. I didn't want to ruin that for him.

Once we all moved inside, Ted and I finally got to take part in some scenes where we'd be speaking to one another. These next scenes had extras moving around with packed bags and boxes, simulating a large group of friends helping each other move in. Ted and I would be discussing graduation in the scene over by the kitchen table. He and Tanner had apparently made some adjustments to the script earlier in the morning as the personality of 'Mason' needed to be tweaked for Ted's more extroverted personality. I didn't mind it, any new context didn't change my own lines and we were free to improv if need be. Ted would even start the scene by picking up a box from the front door to bring to the kitchen table to make the scene feel more natural. I liked how much Ted was willing to adapt to everything for the production, I'm sure Tanner appreciated it too; and I appreciated getting to see Ted move some more.

Oh man, I'm not actually starting to like this guy, am I?

I have to control my thoughts for the scene to continue. These casual takes are relatively easy to get through when my brain isn't arguing with itself. We shoot several different scenes together, some where we're talking alone and some where we're in a group setting, once again doing any necessary retakes until the sun starts to set once again and Tanner decides to call it for the day. As the film crew once again packed up and dispurse to their own accommodations, I found out who that 5th mystery member of the editing team was. It was Dan, the guy that had almost hit me with the football earlier. He apologized to me more, but I reassured him all was okay and that I wasn't upset with anyone. The interaction had got me thinking about how to wind the night down without us all retreating to our bedrooms. We had ended the 2nd day of filming a little earlier than we wrapped up yesterday, so we had the free time. I pitched the idea to Tanner once everyone else had left, and he loved the idea, so we got everyone else together and met up in the living room.

Tanner was the one to suggest bringing his PC down from his room to play Jackbox, a party game where you use your phones as controllers to connect and play some entertaining mini games. We'd all have to be together for the next 3 weeks anyways; it felt like the perfect ice breaker. At this point, everyone had changed into their own clothes, including Ted, who was wearing a black sweater and some casual dark grey pants. He looked pretty comfy, actually. The couch we were all on was like one giant sofa, all connected together in the shape of a sharp U with a large flat screen TV mounted up on the wall adjacent to us. I had sat myself near one of the corners on the left side, pleasantly surprised when Ted chose to sit next to me. The scent of pine I had caught on him earlier was a little stronger now, even though he wasn't sitting all that close to me.

"Did you put more cologne on?" I ask with a smirk, sitting up a bit more on the couch as he got comfortable next to me. "Yeah. I sweat a lot sometimes and I don't want to smell." Ted admitted, sounding a lot more relaxed than I'm used to hearing. He might've been a little tired from the long day we've had.

"That's actually why I'm sitting over here. Tanner smells like shit, like, almost all the time, so..." Ted jokes, giving a tired grin to Tanner who was setting up his PC to connect to the TV. "That's cap, chat. That's so cap." Tanner casually responds, plugging an HDMI cable to the side of the TV, then moving to sit at the far left end of the couch. Dan had chosen to sit somewhat in the middle part of the large sofa, more on Tanner's side so Joe could sit next to me.

"If you want to sit next to (Y/N), you can just say that." Tanner speaks up again, moving his mouse and keyboard onto the coffee table. I blush to myself, pulling my hands into my own long sleeved shirt. If Tanner of all people is starting to comment on...whatever's between Ted and I, it must be noticeable to literally everyone else. So it can't just be my imagination. "No, see, she doesn't smell like gym socks, so that's fine. I'll take vanilla over gym socks."

"I smell like vanilla to you?" I scoff, turning my head to him and raising a brow.

"It's not 'to me'. I just know you use vanilla."

"What do you mean I use vanilla?"

"You have a little spray bottle that says 'warm vanilla sugar." Ted spreads his thumb and his pointer figure to estimate the size of the bottle. I'm flabbergasted because he's right.

"How the fuck do you know that???" Joe asks, sounding about as confused as I am.

"Because I saw her put it in her bag!"

"Why were you--" a chuckle escapes me. "How do you know exactly what it's called?"

"You left it on the counter this morning and it scared the shit out of me because I thought it was, like, a little container of piss at first, so I looked at it!" Ted admitted, gesturing over to the kitchen with his arm. Everyone in the room starts laughing, myself included. His logic makes no sense sometimes. "And then I saw you put it in your bag, so I know it's yours!"

"Imagine it was actually was a container of piss though. Like, sorry, I left it there." Joe jokes, grinning over at Tanner. "Yeah, sorry chat, I was saving it for later." Tanner continues the joke, laughter once again filling the room. "Man, we should start a podcast." My friends are an interesting pair, I tell ya. I was surprised to see Dan and Ted weren't phased by our strange humor. They seemed to fit right in our strange friend group.

Tanner got the first game up so we could test some of the types of minigames this series had to offer. We quickly realized the trivia ones weren't very fun for us, mostly because we didn't know what any of the answers were. Quiplash gave us some good laughs but got old very quickly, and Tee K.O. was fun, but the creativity didn't last. The ones that really entertained us were The Devil's And The Details, Talking Points, and especially FixyText. There was something about the more cooperative ones that were an absolute blast, especially if I was ever paired with Ted. We'd be pushing and yelling at each other whenever one was trying to stop the other from committing a selfish act in one game, then get close together and share the screens of our phones as we created the funniest text replies in another, snickering and whispering to each other to plan ahead. I think we really blew everyone away with our fake presentations, too. Whenever we were paired up for a game, we'd be inseparable. Sensational, even.

But as always, time is fated to pass and it eventually got rather late in the night. As the last awards of the night are given, I realize just how much closer I had gotten to Ted. I wasn't leaning on his shoulder or anything, but we were practically stuck side by side together with our knees up to our chest, sharing the award we were giving out. I could tell Ted was getting tired as his voice was the lowest I had ever heard it. It was kind of...hot, actually. Especially this close. Dan is the first to say goodnight and head upstairs, with Joe helping Tanner pack away the PC to bring upstairs as well. For a little while, it was just Ted and I.

On that couch.

In that living room.

Downstairs.

Alone.

"You look tired." I speak softly as I look at Ted, who had put his hood up earlier. I could see the subtle bags under his eyes from this close.

"You kept me up past my bedtime.." Ted muttered with a tired smirk, keeping his eyes on his phone. He was checking all of his social media for the night, switching from Instagram to Twitter. "I didn't mean to keep you up.." I chuckled a little, sticking my own phone into my baggy pockets. "You're a big boy, you can make your own decisions."

"I know, but you were staying up, so.." Ted sniffles to stifle a yawn, looking over at me as he wipes one of his eyes with his hand. "Your fault."

"My fault?"

"Mhmm.."

"It's my fault you chose to stay up with me?"

"Yeah. Exactly."

"It sounds like you wanted to stay up with me, Teddy.." I shoot him a gentle grin, taking the opportunity to tease him. "I wanted..." Ted pauses to allow himself to yawn, stretching one arm out while covering his mouth with his free hand before continuing. "I wanted to make sure you'd lose."

"You wanted to make sure I'd lose."

"That's right."

"That's it?"

"That's about it."

"You wanna know what I think?"

"Prolly not a whole lot..."

"I--fuck off, I think--" I let out a cackle, lightly smacking his shoulder. "I think you wanted to stay up with everyone, not just me."

"Not just you?"

"No."

"No?..."

He stops stretching and looks at his phone one last time to close Twitter, then slips his phone into his sweater pocket and turns his head again to look at me. Our eyes meet and the room goes quiet. Ted has this relaxed half-smile as he looks at me, his eyes subtly moving left to right to suggest he's looking at both of my eyes. I return the tired smile, taking the quiet moment to gaze into his earthy orbs. As our gazes stay fixed on one another, I can feel a pit of anxiousness grow in my stomach like a slow, blooming flower. He just admitted it, didn't he? He wanted to stay up for me, with me. I can't deny this any longer. Ted is...a very handsome looking man. I can't break my gaze away. I turn my body a bit more towards him to make my neck more comfortable. His eyes wander along my blushing cheeks. I wonder if his gaze would go any lower, but he returns his stare to mine. I shouldn't. I can't even find the willpower to say anything, but he isn't speaking either. He isn't speaking, he isn't teasing me, he's stopped teasing me. Why has he stopped teasing me? He's so...he's so...

"(Y/N)"

I hear my name come from Joe's voice, startling Ted and I a little. I look over the couch to see Joe standing at the stairs, giving me a knowing smirk. How long has he been standing there? I look at my phone and realize it's nearly midnight. We should all be going to bed. I look over at Ted again, but he's already off the couch, cleaning up the empty bottles and cups to the kitchen. Son of a bitch.

I get up to help clean up, as Ted missed a cup since his hands were full. "Hold on." I tell Joe, heading into the kitchen with Ted. It's all one big room, so Joe can still see Ted and I in the kitchen. As Ted's putting the bottles in the recycling, I start putting the cups in the sink. There's a moment where we both reach for the same cup and his hand slightly rests on top of mine. His hand is surprisingly colder than I anticipated. We look at each other and chuckle quietly, then Ted removes his hand so I could put the cup in the sink.

"Clearly I am fuckin' tired.." He mutters and looks at me with a tired smile. "Don't stay up so late next time.." I pester him a little, returning the smile as I move away from the sink.

"I probably will.."

"Right, and it'll be my fault, yeah?"

"It'll absolutely be your fault."

I roll my eyes at his response, not even making an effort to hide the blush on my cheeks.

"Goodnight, Ted."

"G'night, stinky.."

A little laugh slips out of me, finally joining Joe at the stairs. Before we're even out of Ted's sight, Joe is already badgering me about that exchange. He whispers in a criticizing tone, but I can barely hear him over our stepping until we get to the upstairs hallway.

"I literally told you. I literally told you not to flirt." Joe huffs, picking up his tone now that we were likely out of earshot. "No no no, you didn't tell me not to flirt." I shake my head and waggle my finger in Joe's direction. "You told me not to sleep with him, I'm not sleeping with him."

"That's not what it was about to look like." Joe's whisper becomes raspy, like he's quietly yelling at me.

"What do you mean?? I didn't start flirting, he did."

"Did you not feel how fucking close you two were the whole night? He looked like he was about to kiss you just now!"

I look over at the stairs, as if I'm able to look at Ted through them. I think about his eyes and his smile. God, his smile. His stupid smile. "He was?.." Once again, I find myself smiling. It seems I can't even hide these feelings from Joseph. Not sure why I thought I could, Joe's see's everything, especially if I'm involved. He may know me better than I know myself. He's my best friend.

He snaps his fingers in my face to wake me from my gaze, furrowing his brows at me in frustration. I let out a huff, shrugging my shoulders at him. I'm not going to dance around him anymore. I know he has good intentions, but I see him as a brother, not a father. "Well, so fucking what? What do you want me to say, that I think he's ugly?"

"I'd know you're lying to me."

"Exactly! What are you gonna do if it actually happens? I have to kiss him tomorrow anyways. If something else happens, it happens. I don't know what to tell you that'd make you feel better other than I'll be fine."

Joe takes a deep breath, turning his head away from me for a moment. I could see his thoughts through his body language. He was unsure at first, but a mischievous smirk began to take over his expression. I saw Protective Brother Joseph leave his body in favour of Gossiping Best Friend Joseph.

"...okay, you two would be pretty hot together."

I let out a louder laugh than I probably should've, quickly covering my mouth as Joe playfully shushes me. I know Joe just doesn't want me to get hurt, I acted the same way with him when he met his husband. We love each other like family. "But you have to promise me you'll tell me first if anything happens. I need the tea."

"Oh you know I will.." I grin at him, moving over to my door for the night.

"Night, Joe." "Night (Y/N)."

I enter my bedroom and plop right down on the bed, letting out a content sigh. I take out my phone to glance over social media one last time. I see Ted had posted a photo of the 5 of us earlier, and I see just how close I was to Ted. I take a screenshot of it and rest the phone down on my chest, unable to contain my smile. I giggle to myself, knowing what's coming. I fall asleep wondering if I'll be ready tomorrow. There's a very good chance I could freak out.

Turns out, we both might've been freaking out.

The morning comes and goes, mostly because some of us had slept in. By the afternoon, we're having to turn the lights down and close the blinds to simulate it being much later in the night. We've got a bunch of RGB lights and even a light-up disco ball on the ceiling to make it feel like a party. This is the first scene in which Ted and I will be sharing a kiss. I actually really like how the scene is set. Ted and I are sitting in a circle with a bunch of the extras playing Spin-The-Bottle. Of course, after a few spins, the bottle will be pointing for us to kiss. We have to act like we're nervous, which probably wasn't helping. When it came to filming the actual kissing scene, we had to sit down beside each other, turn our heads and kiss, but it had to be slow. We have to linger on it, really show the tension building up just for it to burst with that very first kiss.

But for nearly a whole hour, we couldn't do it.

Maybe it was all the extra eyes, maybe it was the weird angle we were at, I had no idea. Sometimes Ted would be ready and I'd mess up, sometimes I'd be ready and he'd mess up. It was a whole ordeal. I felt bad for everyone that was waiting for us to get this. No one appeared to be mad, but one kiss was taking over an hour. Even I'd start to feel a little frustrated if the leads couldn't wrap it up. We almost get it at one point, but I choke at the last second and start laughing, which makes Ted start laughing as well. He grabs my face and starts shaking me, chanting. "We have to kiss, (Y/N)! This is our job! You need to kiss me, God damnit! Look at my lips and kiss me!" We both were becoming hysterical, so much so that Tanner finally decided to call for a break. I was relieved, actually. As hard as I was laughing, I was embarrassed. I thought I'd be more prepared for this. Perhaps getting this comfortable with Ted was a mistake, now I can't do my job.

As everyone's leaving to grab lunch or touch up their hair and makeup, Tanner approaches Ted and I as we get up from the floor. I half expected him to encourage us to get the kiss over with in front of everyone, but he has a different idea. "Okay, this is going to sound insane, but hear me out..." Tanner begins, gesturing to the both of us. "I'm gonna get the camera rolling...and then I'm just gonna leave it there."

"Leave it there?" I ask, raising a brow. "What do you mean?"

"I just...I feel like all of the eyes watching are making this a little harder for you guys.." Tanner admitted, clasping his hands together. "I can bring another camera and go outside with everyone, I want you two to be comfortable. You can take your time and, yknow, Ted could look at the shot afterwards.." Tanner trails off, probably looking for a specific reaction out of either Ted or I. Ted didn't seem to mind the idea at all, looking over at me with a shrug. I look down at my shoes, sort of clicking them together. So Tanner wants Ted and I to kiss on camera...alone.

"But if you want to wait, we can film something else..." Tanner speaks up again, looking at me with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay...?" Ted pauses, lightly touching my arm with one of his fingers, almost like he was...caressing me. I turn my head up to look at Ted, watching as he tilts his head. "....with that?"

"Yeah, I can do it this way." I finally answer, giving Ted and Tanner a smile. "He probably needs a refresher on how to kiss a woman anyways..."

Ted chuckles and shakes his head at me, though Tanner is satisfied with the answer. "Alright, I'll just set it up and give you two the reigns.." Tanner speaks, moving over to the camera. He adjusts a few things on it, then takes a step back and shoots us some finger guns. "Shout if you need me."

Ted and I watch as Tanner collects the rest of the team and brings them outside, watching one of the bigger crew members pick up an entire camera and hoist it on outside.

Now, it was just Ted and I.

In the living room.

Alone.

On camera.

"Alright, go sit where we were before, I'll make sure the camera's in focus.." Ted instructs, pointing over to the floor. I can't help but blush, only because It sounded like a command. I wonder if he's the type to talk you through it...

Stop it. It's just a kiss.

I go and sit back on the floor, criss-crossing my legs as I watch Ted fiddle with the camera. After a moment, he lets out a sigh and steps back. "Alright. You're in focus. It'll adjust to us." He speaks, coming over to sit next to me. I can feel my heart start beating out of my chest once he sits down. This is really happening. I know I have to do this for Tanner, I want to do it for Tanner, but it's...harder now. For some reason, it's harder now.

"If you want, we could just...talk first.." Ted spoke to me in a condecending tone. Our eyes meet once more and I get that same pit in my stomach that I had last night. No. I'm not gonna let him have this. He got me yesterday on that fucking pole, I'm getting him today. "We could...talk about last night.." I offered, shooting him a little grin. He cracks a smile, gliding the tip of his tongue along his top teeth briefly.

"You wanna get into this on camera?" Ted asks, nodding at me with am embarrassed little smile.

"What!? You're the one that offered to talk!" I start laughing, tilting my head at him mockingly. "You don't wanna kiss me, Teddy? You afraid to kiss me?"

"Fuck you."

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"This film is going to fail because of you--"

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"and your--and your giant fucking ego."

"You don't wanna kiss me?"

"Are you done, princess? Are you fucking done?" Ted's swiveling his head in my direction to mock me back, a permanent grin on his face. "Shut your mouth, I'm comin' in."

"You're not doing shit! That's not the tell!"

"Hey."

"'Hey' what?"

"Hey."

"What?"

"Shut your mouth."

I raise both of my eyebrows at him and scoff. Before I can think of another sarcastic remark, he does it. His eyes wander down to my lips, lightly nibbling on the end of his own bottom lip, then he returns his gaze to mine. That's the tell. He's about to lean in, but I don't let him.

My body moves on its own, darting towards him so our lips could finally meet for the first time. All of the tension that had been building between us finally begins to melt as our lips continue to connect, slowly at first. It's not enough. I unravel my legs and sit up on my knees. Ted reacts by placing both of his hands on my waist, pulling me in closer to cause a breathy moan to escape into our kiss. My hands reach up to hold both of his cheeks, his glasses caressing my face as our lips caress each other's tenderly. I can feel the heat radiating off his cheeks, my own warm blush making my breathing pick up. I can't pull away. It feels like his lips were meant to be attached to mine. I can feel his breathing on my chest, his stubble along the palms of my hands, his fingers gripping my lower back, his tongue gliding along his lower lip into mine, his cologne, the tension. The tension. All of it was making me stir crazy. His lips, his kiss, I could lose myself in him. I could truly lose it. I don't want to stop. I want to run my fingers through his hair, I want to bite his stupid lip, I want to be louder.

But we're on camera. Tanner's camera. We have to stop. I have to...

I'm the one to break the kiss, hearing a quiet pop and an airy moan from Ted in response. I connect my forehead with his for a brief moment, keeping my eyes closed until I pull away to look at him. The tip of his nose tickles mine, his hands still wrapped around my waist. We share a quiet moment, steadying our breathing. I don't even know if this kiss was supposed to be this heated, but it's what Tanner's getting. All he wrote was 'Kara and Mason kiss' in the script. He can work with this.

"...I think we got it.." Ted is the first to speak up, but he doesn't remove his hands from me just yet. I can't help but let out a laugh, leaning my head back for a moment. "What? What did I say?" Ted asks, smiling through his teeth.

"No no, I just..." I take a few breaths through my laughter, letting go of his face to wave my hand a little. "I-I think that's the quietest we've been together so far.."

"Oh yeah? We should probably get louder then.."

Now that. That is something I didn't think I'd hear out of Ted, certainly not to me. Did he forget we're supposed to be shooting a scene?

"Camera's still rolling, Teddy.."

"...FUCK!"

Ted nearly throws me off of him and struggles to get up to go turn off the camera. I'm absolutely killing myself laughing as I pick myself up off the floor. No way did the fucker forgot we were filming. He JUST said 'we got it'.

"You forgot!?"

"Can you cut footage on this!?"

"You fucking forgot! Oh my god, you sad fuck!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Ted laughs, trying to sound angry with me as he pauses the film on the camera. "Tanner's gonna see that!"

"Hell yeah he is! Great Job, Teddy! You sleazy mother fucker.."

"Me? Me!? He's gonna see you being a fucking slut!"

"Oh I'M the slut!? Really?!"

"Yeah!"

"Really!?"

"Yes!"

"Your hands on my fucking waist? I'M the slut!?"

"Your tongue in MY mouth!"

"You started with it!"

"I did fucking NOT! I felt yours first!"

"I felt YOURS first! YOU started with it!"

"Started with what?"

Tanner suddenly steps into the room, startling both of us. He must've just stepped in from outside, I didn't even hear him close a door. He's got no idea what we're yelling at each other about. "Have you guys kissed yet?"

Ted and I look at each other again as I struggle to contain my laughter. All I can do is nod, pointing in Ted's direction. "Ask him about it. It's on there." I manage to speak after a little while, walking passed them to head outside. I lightly touch my lips as I open the screen door to get outside. The last thing I hear is Tanner asking Ted about all the yelling, and a final huff from Ted himself.

Truthfully, I needed to head outside to compose myself. I could still feel his hands on my warm cheeks, placing my own hand on it to feel just how hot they had become. I couldn't believe he forgot he were filming, he seemed very into...all of that.

What would've happened if the camera wasn't there?

__________________________________

|| Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 (smut) || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 (smut) || Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 (smut) || Chapter 15 ||

[meanbossart]

Misc. Ask compilation

These aren't all of the asks I want to reply to, just some that I can answer relatively quickly to clean the ol' inbox out before things get out of hand. Thanks for your patience!

HAHAHA THANK YOU FOR PERUSING AROUND and for enjoying my work! I had a... Weird Gale experience my first playthrough which led to his characterization being what it is in my comics. Here's the beat-by-beat of all the shenanigans: https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/740827466716807168/alright-i-am-like-90-sure-there-is-one-line-in-a

And here's just some of my personal thoughts on him! https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/736193145686114305/can-you-tell-me-more-about-how-you-would-make-gale

I would be lying if I said I'm not conflicted to know my style still bears some remnants of my edgy teen roots (not your fault not noticing it though, you aren't the first and won't be the last) BUT... That comic did mean a lot to me as a youth, so I guess I should be proud 🤷 and honestly it is a little cool that such a thing would survive for so long in what I do, crazy how that works.

LMAO, re: the bottom/top debacle, I was honestly so surprised to see people react to it like it's something novel. If I ever expected to get any push back on the matter, I thought it would be from people assuming DU drow was the top and taking issue with how violent and big he is (and yknow, some people are weirdly protective of Astarion as if he isn't a sneaky murder machine rippling with lean muscle)

Very disheartening to see that mindset still so alive and well among young people, but I guess it just means I gotta draw DU drow throwing more back and Astarion drooling over more ass until the stereotype is forcefully banished out of people's minds!

(more asks below the cut)

"Sleeper agent activation phrase" absolutely took me out, Thank you so much LOL

YEAH I got it pretty late though, Astarion had already told my durge that he was a vampire of his own accord (and the response was, of course, "no duh") I forgot wheter this happened before or after the first romance scene triggered, but I think after.

Since this was after DU drow decided he was gonna fuck him out of pure contrarian spite and was shamelessly laying it extremely thick, He happilly let Astarion drink his blood. Hell, he was probably a little Too Eager - the guy likes pain and he likes letting people he trusts do with his body whatever they will, and while he didn't yet trust Astarion at that point, that event might've very well reminded him of something from his past that planted a seed which would eventually grow into his genuine affection for the guy.

Ah, he definitely got a half-chub as it happened too. I'm sure Astarion noticed it and just walked off rolling his eyes and thinking "eugh of course" lmao.

Hello!!!

Oh man, I grew up fascinated with horror things. I remember from a very young age just looking at the covers and backs of horror movies at the film-rental even though I wasn't allowed to watch them. I was also easily scared but I sought those things out anyway - I think i just enjoyed the visceral reactions it drew out of me and was always curious about most things taboo.

When I got access to the internet that just opened a (very unfortunate) door to all things vile and awful like it did for so many people at that age in time. Though my tastes have changed a lot since then (Less August Underground, more The Devils kind of guy nowadays) my stories and art are just always going to fall into a horror-y category because I just... Don't think there's many better ways to showcase the human experience and emotional range without many of the elements native to the genre, and I'm all about that.

Thank you for your question and your sweet words, have a good week yourself!

I did a little write-up about that over here! https://meanbossart.tumblr.com/post/742508493562593280/i-dont-have-a-particular-question-in-mind-sorry

That's the result of a scene that happens relatively early in the story I'm writing ("A Novel Experience" on Ao3).

{SPOILERS} DU drow accidentally passes out on a blade which puts a relatively deep gash on his hip. Meanwhile, Astarion is weakened and starved after certain events that transpired the prior night. They have a private exchange both in a somewhat hazy-state of mind and Astarion ends up prodding and prying at his wound while feeding, so it's a laceration and bite mark that just scarred over badly.

Elves apparently don't grow body hair so never LOL guess they'll just have to slip&slide up on each other for heat

[redundantharpoons]

larian plz

Apparently Minthara's VA has been in the studio again for some after-release recording, so I'm just going to go ahead and drop the headcanon I came up with during EA for "good playthrough but you get to keep Minthara" here just in case . . .

I feel like if you side with the tieflings during the grove event but toggle on non-lethal damage to knock Minthara out rather than kill her, the after-battle scenes should include one where you find that they have captured Minthara and she's basically bedraggled in a cage, fully restrained with shackles and such. In just a really pitiable, pathetic situation but she keeps her chin up and her jaw clenched, too proud to be broken even in this situation. And perhaps, just perhaps, her faith gives her confidence that The Absolute has planned this.

When she sees you walk through the camp and everyone thanking and cheering you, maybe she pushes into your mind with the worm, maybe not. I think only if you're drow or depending on dialogue choices before to make her think if you can be easily turned back or not. But I think for most people she's written you off as an infidel and traitor to the absolute and other than a glare she doesn't acknowledge you at all.

While talking to Halsin, or Zevlor, or someone "in charge," you are being thanked for all you did for the grove and tieflings, and they express that they are in your debt, ask if there's anything they can do for you despite having so little, etc. And you should be able to choose "I'll take the drow prisoner off your hands."

Depending on who is with you, most of your party members are going to be disapproving/wary, but you can (and this is true, it should be an option later in the game) say you will use her as leverage or a bargaining chip in Moonrise or otherwise when dealing with the Absolute, or acknowledge that her insider knowledge of what's going on would make her a valuable prisoner to keep nearby.

If she overhears you asking for her as your "reward," she might push in now, but I still don't think she does, she just watches, appraisingly. (Or, perhaps depending on your dialogue choices this was all her orchestration via the mind worm; that she reached out to you when she saw you and assured you that The Absolute is not done with you, and that she brought you together and spared you both for a greater purpose, and you must free her so you can return to Moonrise together, as The Absolute clearly intends!)

The druids and tieflings are clearly uncomfortable with the idea of letting such a dangerous prisoner out of their hands; odds are they intended to kill her after a while (they were letting people throw food and stuff at her through the cage for a while as catharsis :( ) and so the idea of her possibly escaping or being set free by you later doesn't feel good. But you can convince/intimidate them over how much you've done for them, how you are clearly the more capable group to look over her since you had to look over them too, etc. Eventually they acquiesce, and there's a prisoner handoff scene, some banter with the party members about how you better know what you're doing.

And in my headcanon there's tons more content that gets very sexy in the times after that once you have Minthara in your camp as somewhat of a prisoner-in-tow (lots of her pushing into your brain and . . . showing you things, making you feel things 👀 with you second-guessing if she's actually into you or just manipulating you for her freedom), but suffice it to say from there the various game experiences maybe allow her to warm up to your party or your party to warm up to her . . . or maybe not and you just trade her away to slavers or kill her or whatever. But I always felt that was a pretty simple way to allow you to spare the tieflings and recruit Minthara, and I'm sad it's not in the game.

[snips2112]

20 Fic Writer Questions

Thank you for tagging me @ladylucksrogue and @aknightreaderr! Excited to do this question game!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26

2. What's your A03 word count?

162, 887

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write for the Star Wars fandom! A long long time ago, before I was confident enough to post my fics, I wrote some Lord of the Rings fan fics that will never see the light of day XD But now my main fandoms are The Clone Wars and The Bad Batch.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

That Familiar, Yet Unfamiliar Feeling - 205 (Rexsoka)

Tihaar? More Like Truth Serum - 118 (Rexsoka)

Hold On to Me - 111 (Rexsoka)

Not Strong Enough - 86 (Gen, Tech centric)

Please Don't Make it Real - 84 (Gen, Crosshair centric)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm I have a few, but I think Lost Without You is pretty darn angsty. The general premise is that it is a Rexsoka fic I wrote where Ahsoka is in mourning after Rex passes away :(

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I would say Tihaar? More Like Truth Serum has the fluffiest, happiest ending! What can be better than an adorable, drunken Rex admitting his feelings to Ahsoka :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't yet (and hopefully never will), everyone has been very kind in the fandom, which I appreciate!

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I don't! I'll write a little bit of spice into my fics but I always tend to keep it pretty mild, and rely on fade to black when anything further is going to happen.

10. Do you write cross overs? What's the craziest one you've written?

I haven't written any cross overs but I am working on an AU of the Bad Batch as Formula 1 drivers, which is probably the closest I'll ever get to a cross over.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, but I have some tentative plans with one of my lovely fellow fic writers to collaborate on a fic for her fanfic universe! Not sure how much I should say about this so I'm gonna leave it at that :)

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I think its a tie between Crosslo (Crosshair and my OC, Arlo) or Rexsoka! I love both of these ships to death (as you can probably tell from my writing). 

15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever wilI?

Ahhhh this would be my Kix the burnt out medic fic (that is literally the placeholder title in the word doc)! I really want to finish this but it is pretty heavy on the angst so we will see if I can make it through the long dark that is this fic! I would love to share it, but it's just a very heavy one to write.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm I would say I think I do a good job of characterization and getting into my character's mind sets and pulling out emotion in my writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I would like to improve my ability to set the scene in my fics. Sometimes I see the scene very well in my head but forget to write it into my fic XD

I would say I also admire some of my fellow writers ability to write off the charts chemistry and sexual/romantic tension between their characters. Although I think I have some ability in this, I would absolutely love to improve it more as I think I have room to grow!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'll throw the occasional Mando'a word in if I'm writing a clone centric fic, and I usually use Star Wars specific swear words but I would never write full passages of dialogue in another language, at least not at this point.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically Lord of the Rings, if you count my never to be posted fanfics from a long time ago XD But the first fandom I ever posted fanfic for was Star Wars!

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Oooo I am particularly proud of Disobedient Hands, which is the first fic in my Crosslo series for Crosshair and my OC, Arlo. I felt like I really did a good job of getting into Crosshair's mind in this one, as well as creating the beginnings of what has come to be my most favorite OC of mine, Arlo (not that I have many, but of the few I do, she is my fav). I truly love all the fics in this series though, and it's been fun exploring the relationship between Crosshair and Arlo, and watching them grow through my writing. The series is ongoing and can be found here on AO3 if anyone is interested <3

Tagging: @tealmisthams, @acatinwinterfell, @queen-of-mandalore, @melting-houses-of-gold and anyone else who wants to participate!

[comicaurora]

So, you mentioned on the podcast that you were watching some classic-era Gundam.

For the season(s) you've watched, assuming you're not planning on suddenly taking the plunge and making a Universal Century Detail Diatribe, would you mind sharing your opinion so far? Universal Century can be a bit divisive, but I always enjoy seeing people's opinions on it. I have mixed feelings on some of the decisions made, myself, but in the grand scheme of things I enjoy what I've seen so far. (Especially Unicorn, but that's not really classic era.)

Also, I'd like to reccomend watching (or reading!) Gundam The Origin, since it acts as a really good, pretty, (and in the anime's case, short) prequel series to the original.

It's interesting! I've watched the compilation movies for 1 and 2 and most of 3, and I can't tell if they lost the plot after 1 or if the writers were being really, really scathing in a subtle way.

1 was incredibly blatant about how Amuro is a traumatized kid who got strongarmed into being the gundam pilot and using it to kill people, something that he clearly absolutely hates - and it's pretty overt that the Federation Force is more than willing to mulch up as many child soldiers as they want in order to win. The movies, and I assume the show they're compiled from, go out of their way to show that there are sympathetic young people on both sides of the conflict that just want to be free of this war, and there are also right bastards on both sides that are willing to be very callous with the lives of others. You can, of course, always identify who the compassionate people are by how pretty they are, and all the right bastards by how grotesque they are. It's pretty unsubtle about that being the core of the narrative, and they really twist the knife at certain points, like when Amuro's mother is horrified and ashamed at him self-defense-killing a Zeon soldier that was actively menacing her refugee camp, and Amuro concluding that she doesn't love him and he truly has no family to go back to.

By 2, things have gotten a little confusing, and I'm inclined to assume this is because the compilation movies had to make some cuts that would've made the character arcs flow a little more smoothly. Amuro decides to leave the whole war behind, which makes sense, but he takes the gundam, which doesn't. They introduce this thread that Amuro is extremely attached to the gundam and very proud of his ability to pilot it, and he has an actual breakdown when he learns that other members of the crew are now trained in its operation and can use it just fine, if not quite as skillfully as he can. It seems like there was a bit of a lurch from "Amuro has been unwillingly dragged into this nightmare and is forced to fight again and again despite his extremely obvious PTSD" to "Amuro refuses to let go of the giant robot that tethers him TO this nightmare," and while it's very interesting in the implications, it doesn't exactly flow cleanly. In fact, this is where there seems to be a bit of a shift from "war is bad" to "wow! cool robot." Amuro goes from PTSD-catatonia every time he destroys an enemy mobile suit to counting them during fight scenes, which is kind of a chilling indicator of the mechanized horror he's becoming accustomed to - assuming that was on purpose and not just a broad defanging of the story to do more Cool Robot Fights.

But the thing is, there's this subplot sometime around 2 or 3 involving a bunch of actual toddlers that have been hanging around on the ship - because it started as a refugee vessel escaping the destruction of a colony, so there's a lot of women (who are now conscripted pilots, of course, and shockingly badass for the era it came out in) and children onboard, and they've been stuck on the front lines running from Zeon with almost no ground support because the Federation likes throwing the gundam at things too much to care about a handful of six-year-olds potentially getting mulched. But throughout this little arc, the kids are finally on track to getting rehomed on Earth by the military - something that the kids are unhappy about because they've got a whole Found Family thing going, but Amuro approves of them leaving, saying "little kids shouldn't see people killing each other," which aligns very firmly with how he is a kid who hates all the killing he's stuck in.

Except then the happy ending is that the six-year-olds get to stay on the warship because they recently helped out with bomb disposal and "they've seen things you guys can't imagine, they don't want to leave!" And this is either really losing the plot or absolutely brilliant spiteful writing on the part of the creative team, because as I understand it, executive meddling was pushing them to include newer, flashier, more colorful giant robots (weapons of war and untold suffering that our teen hero has been trapped in by a mechanized war machine that has effectively enslaved him for his talents) to push toys to the exact age demographic of those chipper six-year-olds. It's almost like the teenage child soldiers are turning out to directly face the camera and saying "what's the difference between forcing us onto the front lines and letting these precocious youngsters keep flinging themselves into the crossfire? Gotta sell more gunplas, right?"

So if that was on purpose, I really liked it. If not, it's kinda hearbreaking to see the show gradually start pulling its punches in favor of turning the Oops All Babies warship into a heartwarming found family situation.

Also they started really banging the "newtypes are the plot now" drum in 3 and once everyone started getting psychic powers I kinda lost steam tbh

[voidshrubsquared]

Ok so Candied Circuits amirite (banger title also I am very proud of it)

(I was talking to emi about it thru tags and I felt like rambling a little about it :3)

So it would have been very much a Scrollon-centric fic, though I've thought of a few iterations that added a character or two for some extra Thought Experimenting. I had two more or less concrete iterations in mind: Either one, a smaller one-shot based completely on the hemoglobin post scene, or two, a 2-3 chapter long fic involving Cinna's story in Scrollon's POV, somewhat.

Short summary on each!

Idea one: Scroll goes out at night to catch an unsuspecting addison, drags them back to his bakery, scraps them, preps and eats them. Pretty self-explanatory, haha.

The idea here though would be that you get to hear him think, plan methodically, ramble about his addi biology knowledge and see him cook! There would have been a recipe section with a list of ingredients, and the reader would be able to follow the whole baking process! The descriptions would be really appealing :)

And when it came to finally eating his bake, the reader would also be able to catch that glimpse of feeling he's been wanting to experience this entire time. Just this super short sense of... euphoria? This THING he keeps trying to reach and can almost grasp but it disappears JUST as he thinks he's finally getting it. Oh well, there's always next time.

This fic would be very descriptive :>

Pros and cons of this idea:

Pros: Someone gets fully scrapped, death cool. Cutesy baking scene with an eerie atmosphere.

Cons: Kinda short? No Cinna :(

Idea two: This one is admittedly a bit more vague for me, but it would follow Scrollon's thoughts during Cinna's disappearance right after he thought he killed her. And some other branching-out thoughts of consecuences if his actions are brought to light, what his next move should be, etc etc. I'm a firm believer that Scrollon planned to kill two birds with one stone by killing Cinna, to both have another addison in his stash for later and also to try throw off suspicion over his department in a 'oh dear! our darling cinna has gone missing too! who could be doing this, I hope everyone gets found soon!' Kind of way, yknow? And it would be really interesting to just have him think while he idly bakes about what he should do now and how to keep things in control.

So anyways Cinna escapes, many thoughts occur, something something about keeping her missing arm as a reminder that she's out there. But then Scrollon finds out Cinna is BACK and she's ALSO eating people and she has a CREW, and so he's kind of irritated, more thoughts, tasteless simulacrum reference.

Things get more vauge as I go, but the idea is that at the end, he finds out that Cinna is out to get him, and that... makes him uneasy.

Pros: Okay so I'm gonna go on a little side-tangent here. So you know that one buks art of Scroll and Everette cuddling and Scroll wonders "Am I prey..." "No..." "I'm poison :3" (which. Btw. Super cool way to see how he interprets love. Or whatever closest he feels to love.) I love that. Because it's a little glimpse of how he sees things, and I think it applies well to the 'takes metaphors literally' thing. Well there would have been more of that in this iteration of the fic, and would have had heavier predator vs. prey theming. At the beginning there would be some stuff along the lines of "Scrollon is predator, Cinnemon is prey." And it would turn around on him in the end with something along the lines of "Cinna has a pack. Cinna hunts. Cinnemon is *predator.*" and a pause, "Scrollon is prey." And you'd just get a little dread... at the very least you'd get the sense that Scrollon has to be very cautious, and careful about what he should do next.

Side-tangent over, this whole thing is the pro. OH and Cinna. Cinna is always a pro.

Cons: Still vague imo? No real scrapping scene... no fun baking a Man scene... :(

Both ideas had stuff I wanted to incorporate, so looking back at both, I think I'd combine them, honestly. It would be something like Cinna disappears -> Scrollon kills, bakes and eats a man -> Scroll finds out about the Rainbow Café (I REMEMBERED THE NAME WOOO) and ofc in between all of that, we'd get all that juicy character exploration mainly on Scrollon :)

I hope none of that was confusing and made Complete Sense my brain is now Air

Anyways if I remember something else about this I'll rb with the additional info, but I think that's it! I wish I got to develop this a little more before the motivation went away, but ey, what can ya do!

(@emiplayzmc @jevajoy tagging ya both cause you two really like the scrollman and I thought you might like this/get something out of it, as small/vauge as it is :3)

[amethystina]

For your ask game: 🎉 and/or 🦅 please and thank you!!

Alrighty! :D

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

I'm going to assume this means "a success with the intended audience" and, to be honest, my answer has been the same ever since I started writing fanfics over 10 years ago.

If it gets ten kudos, I consider the fic a success. Because, when you think about it, ten is a pretty solid group of people. Like, if I were to gather those ten people in a room, I would probably feel a little intimidated knowing so many people read and liked something I wrote. But I'd also be really happy since, hopefully, the fact that they liked it also meant I made their day better. And improving the day of ten people is definitely something to be proud of :)

And if the fic gets 20 kudos well, dang it, then it must be really good! Because, again, that's a lot of people if they were to stand in front of me, and a lot of people who I've made happy!

... I admit I have to stop counting somewhere around 100 kudos, though, because that's just way too many for my brain to handle. Like, I've organised conferences for a hundred people and I've seen the size of that crowd and it's just difficult for my mind to grasp when that many people have read and liked something I wrote. It honestly blows my mind.

So yeah. 10 kudos! And that means that, so far, all of my fics have been successes! :D

Though I admit I had my doubts about that Major Character Death one I mentioned in a previous ask. But even that managed to pass it eventually. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time.

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

I do something in between. I always have the overarching storyline plotted, often with key scenes already decided — sometimes with certain lines of dialogue written down — but I kind of improvise the rest. Or the soft, squishy bits, if you will.

So, sometimes, a scene will end up having a different tone than I first intended, or I will throw things around last-minute, or I'll decide to add an extra side plot a little earlier than planned because it suddenly fits really well into the scene I'm writing.

I try not to be too firm with my outline because I need some wriggle room for unexpected ideas and epiphanies, but I also don't want to go in completely blind when it comes to the plot and story structure. I need to know where I'm going, even if the road there might not be fully mapped out yet.

In all honesty, the parts I'm the most nonchalant about are the characterisation and character reactions since those are instinctual and, somehow, always work out even if I don't really think about it? So most introspection bits and internal monologues and such are never outlined or structured beforehand — those I write as they come, close to stream-of-consciousness style.

So it's really a bit of both, depending on the situation.

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

[greycappedjester]

hey! hope you’re doing well. I’m starting to reread the HQ at Hogwarts series because I needed a change of pace from my work at uni (and it’s a comfort read of mine). anywho, I was wondering if you had a favorite quote from any of your stories that you wrote and why (or just the quote if it is to avoid spoilers)? like were there any quotes that really made a scene worth writing to you?

Oooh I love this ask, thank you!

Let's see, I don't know if these are my favorite but they're lines that come to mind a lot that I'm specifically proud of (tbh I tend to forget lines until I'm re-reading one of my stories and see it and go "oh yeah, that one")

I'll try to do one per series. I can't really pick one from Past is a Mirror or Call Me Your Home At Night yet, I'll have to wait until they're more done:

ATFO:

Oof somehow this is the hardest series to choose just one line from. That said, it's a super dark line for a dark chapter but I really love the use of homophones in this one.

Dick tilts his head up to the sky and laughs.

Laughs until it hurts and it does, it hurts so much, and that just makes him laugh more--throwing his arms out like he can fly on the ground and turning in a circle in a dirt covered Gotham alley that even the morning can’t erase.

Because Robin always smiles when it’s dark. Until it’s morning again.

Or mourning again.

….Dick’s laugh fades out.

Cards:

And, eight years old and with a bone deep gravity too heavy for his small body, Kuroo Tetsuro quietly made a vow even if Kozume Kenma would never hear it.

I’m going to build a kingdom around you.

(Not a line but Tsuki and Hinata's final conversation in Shufling the Deck is what really sold me on writing that sequel)

Walking With My Eyes Open/ In Spite of Ourselves:

Honestly for short stories this series has some of my favorite conversations; but, a couple of favorite lines are these two.

But, human shoulders weren’t meant to bear the expectations of divinity.

and

A riddle, Schrodinger’s long lost love letter. Gen had proof he fell in love--was dying to try even--yet still couldn’t quite believe it. So, which was the lie?

Hq at Hogwarts:

I really love the prologue for Department of Mysteries; I wrote it waaaay before I posted it and was excited about posting it for awhile. I think the end just eally says everything about how long and how deeply Akaashi does love Bokuto.

He was bright and happy and so deeply good in a way that was everything Akaashi wanted that he fell in love by the time he took the hand.

“I’m Keiji.”

Investigators Inc.:

Truthfully, my favorite of my humorous stories; I like this exchange a lot from when their van breaks down. It just eels like it really fits all of them.

“I’m looking up directions,” Suga said, already pulling out his phone.

“But….but, map !” Oikawa held it up even as it drooped around him.

“Great,” Kuroo said, “we can use it for shelter when we’re stuck out here and have to take up foraging.”

Bokuto brightened. “Ooh, I’ve got a pocket knife!”

“Yay, we’ll need it to fight off the wolves,” Kuroo said.

“I don’t think it’s that dire,” Suga said, showing them the screen. “There’s a town pretty close by. Can’t find a taxi or a towing service, though. We may have to walk if Iwaizumi can’t fix it. It’s about an hour.”

Kuroo shrugged. “Honestly, Iwaizumi can probably fix it. He’s like the machine whisperer or something.”

“Iwaizumi cannot fix it,” Iwaizumi said from right beside the passenger window and Oikawa jumped. “The transmission’s out.”

“Then, put it back in,” Bokuto suggested.

Iwaizumi stared. “I’m seriously having all of you read a car manual one of these days."

Thanks again for the ask! Trutfully I always love hearing what people's favorite lines are; I just think it's really neat to see what sticks with people and I'm always touched that it could be something I wrote.

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

Hi, probably weird question, but can you offer any tips on how to co-write, like two different authors working on the same fic? How does that work?

hello there is actually nothing i would rather do let me give you the unabridged version because I think people romanticise it and it's important to be real. I'm going to give you all of my experiences and why I did it and which ones worked and which ones didn't.

HERE IT IS :

2-Let's start with @greenvlvetcouch who was my first duo writing experience. I was heavily part of an online thing at the time and I met him there, and we somehow (I genuinely can't remember how but I think it was me) ended up DMing about something, which actually pretty quickly evolved into me throwing a concept idea into the chat, and it just took off. We ended up losing our minds over the library scene from God Eater and that was that. I had read Zar and Jude's fic where every 15 min they switched (I think??) and I'm not a "minute" writer so I suggested to Green we did 700-1200 words each and pass it back. I also have a background in theatre, and I am part of a improv group in my city so improv games was part of my curriculum and I've always LOVED IMPROV GAMES, especially in small groups. (this is relevant for later). That's how God Eater was written. it happened very organically. We wrote it all in four months, in a doc, and didn't talk about publishing it until we realized that actually it was going to be a thing we were super proud of, that we would want to post it. The writing experience itself had none of the stress of "what if it's bad". We just wrote until we were done with no expectation. There were a lot of inconsistencies we fixed when we were done and TA-DA.

Since then Green has been a writing partner for a lot of published and unpublished works. We have several projects, some which we started and never finished because we lost the interest, some that we might publish, we don't know. I think he and I are aligned on the fact that writing is meant to be this fun thing and if the joy isn't there when writing, then the project dies. We had a LOT of really cool fun projects that only lived inside our mutual DMs and I think it still makes them real and great. They just weren't tangible enough to see the light of day. Green and I's writing process isn't *super* involved. We rarely fangirl over each other's works. I think we've reached a healthy balance of we *know* we love each other's writing, so we don't need to tell each other that. We will when a line slaps particularly well but other than that we mostly just hype the story up which is our way of saying we love working together.

Which is a perfect segway into inthesquare and I's writing process (hi I still don't know if I can tag you so imma send it to you after).

2-I'm currently writing a story with her, and our start was very different. I read this fic from hers and lost my mind. I cried and was very upset, it was such a great story, so I left a comment (as one does). What would you know, a few days later I get a comment on my fic about how she freaked out because she liked *my* work. So we literally met the most organically way possible: through ao3 comments. Then the normal pipeline happened: Tumblr, then Discord, then Whatsapp.

I wrote one fic that felt very much like something she would do and asked her to participate and add bits and bobs, she said yes, I was overjoyed. And then a few months ago I popped in and was like... *you like myths, right?* and TADA we have the amaranth hymns.

The writing process with us is very different. We each write until we're done with a scene (which usually ends up capping at 1500/2000 words-ish). We are posting as we go, we have 0 plan, zero foresight, we're just hoping for the best, rocking with a Pinterest board and voice noting each other at 3am going "hey do what was this thing you wrote and what does it mean?" "oh cool" "and so does this mean that X? Cuz we need to Y then" "Yes, right". We're problem solving as we go, and I think we're both kind of unbothered and unstressed about it: the story will write itself, we're just along for the ride. We also don't really hype each other up (a little ya know, when a line slaps), but we *do* talk about the fic itself a lot, which I think is our way of showing our engagement. We talk about the fic because we like writing it (I have a point to make later on bear with me).

3- You remember how i LOVE improve games, right????? WELL. There is a game called the "yes" game. A scene starts, you have a theme and a concept and you can't backtrack. Whatever the person throws your way you have to work with it....hence the "yes". You can only move forward, never back. That's how Raise Hell was created. I asked a bunch of my friends if they wanted to create a frankenstein fic, some said yes, some said no, and Raise Hell got started. I knew all of these people beforehand, so that made it easier. We still want to finish this fic but ya know, life got away from us.

What ended up happening is that there were no "writing" rule aside from : you must write enough to propel the next person. Give the next person *something* to work with. So what accidentally ended up happening is each person ended up writing a chapter.

Now let's talk about the rest:

As stated before, I love writing with people: I have the bandwith to work on numerous fics at once (it keeps my brain fed and entertained, I like the community of it), I like it, and thus I seek it.

But I think (and THIS is my point) that people romanticise it and it can stress people out. This is what I mean:

I started writing fics with several other writers because *I like it and I seek it and it brings me joy*, but some writers didn't like feeling like they were one in a lineup.

I wrote 30k with a writer and then the story died and we never picked it back up.

I have had two people I was writing with tell me they didn't like it because I wasn't 'involved' enough (by this I think what they meant was that I wasn't showing enough hype and enthusiasm for their writing).

I had one person tell me that our writing didn't match up and it felt weird and they didn't want to continue.

I have had one person tell me I hurt their feelings because I made them feel like their writing wasn't good enough by the way I edited.

I think it's important to mention that co-writing *is* a skill and it's not something that will work for everyone.

I have a graveyard of fics and a few friendships that died because of that, too. I'm not a big hyper. I do edit a lot. I show my enthusiasm in ways that perhaps isn't obvious enough. I don't praise other people's writing that much because in my mind, the fact we're writing together is proof enough that I love their writing, but that actually isn't always enough.

And I think the difficult part of all of this is that writing is a very personal endeavour. When you expose your guts to another person and they do not react the way you want them to, it's not very easy I think to say "Hey, you hurt my feelings because you didn't tell me you loved this and that". That's another layer exposed and because talking about hurt feelings is hard and uncomfortable, sometimes it will drag on and take proportions that lead to broken friendships.

So you do have to be careful.

...But I also don't know how, in the sense that *before* you start writing with someone, you won't *know* how they will react to the duo process.

What I'm saying is it' a gamble and actually I have lost more than I have won, BUT I still don't regret trying. I personally have had good experiences every single time. I have grown and I have learned.

I know for instance that writing with Green and Inthesquare is a great experience because we approach writing in the same way and we are all very confident in our own writing. We like how we write. We like how the other person writes. We know that, we don't feel the need to say it.

But I think I tend to forget that some writers (even really good ones!!) can feel self-conscious about their own writing and need more praise than what I give.

So bearing all that in mind here is my advice:

-Talk about what you need from the experience BEFOREHAND. How much hype, can I edit, how much editing can I do, etc etc. When green and I edit our works, we fully destroy each other's parts. We will go in and add and remove a LOT, to the point where it really becomes kind of undetectable, who wrote what, because we're in each other's lines everywhere. This isn't something that will feel good for everyone. When I write with inthesquare, we *barely* edit each other's work. The separation is much more obvious, and I don't really know why this is? It just is? We just kind of never edited the other person's part. And it works really beautifully, too. My point is these are two very different approach yet there isn't one better than the other, it's just different.

Some people do not like when you tinker with their writing too much. Some people do not like when you tinker with their writing at all. Make sure you know what each person is comfy with.

-Decide on a plan: are we writing each for a set amount of time? Of words? Are we each doing a chapter? The only rule is the one you make up.

-Don't put pressure on the work. See where it goes. If it dies, let it.

-I would advise against posting as you go if this stresses you out. That way if the story doesn't finish, no stress.

-Start with someone who you feel very confident writing with. Someone you know, who knows you, where the communication canals are OPEN. You're gonna need to be able to tell each other if someone does something that wasn't appreciated.

Not all co-writing will end up with a fully fledged fic. Not all co-writing will end up being a good experience. If the person you really want to write with doesn't want to write with you, don't take it personally. It just do be like that.

But I'm the kind of person who really has come to love it, and while I'm a lot more picky now with who I write (because I'd love to like, not lose more friends), I think I will always seek it out, especially with the people with whom it's been a success before. I love, love, loveeeeee writing with my friends. I find it so rewarding and fun and great and I have nothing bad to say about it. I just really, really love it.

And if you've made it till here just know I have ONE fic I wrote with 2 other writers that we published under anon. and it's just out there. Doing its thing.

[billsfangearring]

❤️ Valentine's Day Self-Rec ❤️

I'm going to do a little Valentine's Day self-rec because I think this is a good day to show a little love to ourselves too! I wrote daily 250-word Jess/Lupe sprint ficlets last week and I'm proud of myself for a few different reasons that I'll put below the cut, but first, some little superlative awards for my Love & Baseball series!

Love, In Deed and In Truth

⚾️ ❤️ Most Poetic ❤️ ⚾️

It started that first day on the ball field, when Lupe noticed a woman sizing her up from the on-deck circle with a well-worn bat slung over her shoulders and fire in her eyes and hair.

Two Fingers Means Curveball

⚾️ ❤️ Most Nuanced ❤️ ⚾️

Beverly has some advice for her errant pitcher.

red is the fire in our veins

⚾️ ❤️ Most Thematic ❤️ ⚾️

It was inevitable, really, a foregone conclusion, that Lupe’s gaze would be drawn to the muscled thigh next to her that’s outlined in insolent red.

your love's got me trippin' on you

⚾️ ❤️ Most Lively ❤️ ⚾️

All’s fair in love and baseball.

keep you like an oath

⚾️ ❤️ Most Complete ❤️ ⚾️

By unspoken agreement, Jess and Lupe keep Vi’s a secret—even from those who would be welcome. Lupe probably has a number of complicated reasons for it, but Jess only has one: she’s selfish as hell.

Kiss Cam

⚾️ ❤️ Most Fun ❤️ ⚾️

The “Set It Up” baseball scene, Peaches style.

I've Built My Life Around You

⚾️ ❤️ Most Understated ❤️ ⚾️

“Can’t believe it’s been ten years,” Jess says into the silent stadium. It’s not hard for Lupe to believe at all, actually, now that they’re back at Beyer.

(Now for some self-indulgent rambling—don't mind me.)

Why I'm glad I did this, beyond throwing my hat into the Jess/Lupe ring for the first time:

I wrote every day and got into a rhythm! Hopefully I can carry this forward into other projects.

I aimed to and largely succeeded in writing and posting each of these in about an hour, so this series was good practice in just putting something down on the page instead of overthinking it.

I mostly didn't let myself edit other than paring them down to 250 words—I tended to write around 260 to start—so that was more practice in not overthinking things and in not editing as I write.

I stretched myself with these! I tried out some new-to-me POVs and forced myself to write dialogue, my beloathed. I even wrote something I'd classify as crack for the first time. Who am I?

The strict word count that I set forced me to be pretty economical with my language, which is something I strive for, and it was nice to keep that muscle activated while I simultaneously co-write a long-for-me fic. Don't want to develop any bad habits (for my personal writing style) ;)

Honestly, I think these ficlets turned out pretty well on the whole! There are some rough edges and pacing issues that I'd have liked to smooth under other circumstances, but all in all I stand by them, which is big for me because I don't think of myself as a good first draft writer. I'm also proud of myself for completing this challenge I set rather than wallowing in self-doubt and self-consciousness and bailing before the end.

Okay, I’m done now. Happy Valentine’s Day! <3

Okay, I’m done now, if anyone read this far.

Happy Valentine's Day, friends! <3

[meissashush]

7, 13, 18 for the behind the scenes ask game

7. Which part of writing do you struggle with most?

The writing bit haha. I mean, I'm sure most writers feel the same, but there are days I sit down to write and absolutely nothing comes out. I guess, if I want to be more specific, I'd say the issue I encounter the most when it comes to writing is that I can almost never tell if I can't write on certain day because of needing to push through a block, or if it's because I need to take a break. There's a fine line between the two of them, and I am not good at recognizing the difference.

13. Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

Ukefication. I'm a devoted lover of bad-asses. Even in the whumpiest of whumps, I want my characters to have agency and a spine. I feel like there is a very big difference between letting a character be vulnerable and making them into nothing more than a shivering brain-dead trophy.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

(Forcing myself to do this about a published fic lmao)

Goose Step has a scene in it that was not planned, but ended up being one of my favorite I've written.

“You’re seriously gonna do a little dance for His Majesty?”

Nyx lobbed a knife at Lib’s stupid smirk, watching with annoyance as he flickered around it easily. He lazily chucked another three in the general direction of the blue sparks, snorting as one pinged harmlessly off Lib’s knee-pads.

“Not really being given much of a choice,” Nyx said. “You have to practice phasing without the gear at some point.”

Lib glared at him, rubbing at his knee. “Yeah, I will when it’s not you doing the throwing.”

I wanted it to be clear that Nyx was being a bit of a coward, and that meant that someone other than Cor the Immortal would have to tell him so. I figured I would have someone Nyx was much more inclined to trust say it, so that his refusal to listen would stand out more as a product of fear/anxiety rather than based in any unseen past experiences. Naturally, Libertus was the best choice.

We start with my favorite activity for this duo, Libertus and Nyx giving each other shit.

It always kind of annoyed me that, while I know warping is supposed to be one of the harder magic techniques, Libertus didn't seem to be capable of even phasing when most of the other Kingslgaive are shown doing it. So I decided to make Nyx annoyed by it too, which is why Libertus is being given one-on-one training in it.

Lib, of course, uses the opportunity to make fun of Nyx for being spineless. Bit of glass-house move, given the circumstances, but I've never been above throwing stones so neither is Lib.

I absolutely agree with his decision to wear protective gear while practicing with Nyx, though, whose aim is more instinct than is strictly safe for people who spar with him.

“Coward!” Crowe called, dangling lazily from the ropes overhead.

And here's where the scene immediately went of the rails.

Crowe always has a talent for throwing me completely off in my writing (which is why her fic is taking so freaking long). She's a lot of fun to write because of this, but she also has a tendency to run off and world-build on her own. Such as, the Warp Obstacle Course, of which she is currently dangling from. Yes, it also bothered me that we saw almost nothing of her talents in the movie, so she gets to warp too.

“Mind your six!” Nyx yelled back at her, watching as one of the greener Glaives tried to warp up behind her. Anya, he was pretty sure. The rare Nif with a talent for magic. 

An OC! Yeah, Anya is actually a glaive you should get used to seeing in my fics, since I consider her to be one of Nyx's more trusted officers. This is early into her training, though, and I made a nod to the Comrades lore here that Nifs aren't typically as skilled with magic.

“You should just hire one of those troupes to do it for you. Less embarrassing for Galahd that way. I’ve seen you dance.” Lib said as he tossed the knives back into the Armiger.

Nyx pulled them out again and readied his aim. “Yeah, keep talking and I’ll make you do it.”

Nyx can't dance. He can do the training sequences just fine, but I don't see him as the kind of guy who can let himself go long enough to feel comfortable making a display of himself. Part of this is because I love to juxtaposition 'grandiose' characters with crippling anxiety, and part of it is because in the movie, he is described by other characters as being a show-off, but he doesn't really do that outside of it being a by-product of him doing what is necessary.

I also loved this little interplay of the armiger here. I have a fairly nuanced idea of how 'my' version of the armiger works, and I love hinting at it in places.

“Or,” Luche said, clapping a hand on Nyx’s shoulder. “You could grow a pair and tell his royal arse to shove it.”

Ah, Luche. Eloquent. A good portion of this whole over-arching AU is to redeem the Traitor Glaives, since I think they're neat.

Nyx held the knife over his shoulder, offering it to Luche, who took it immediately.

“You’re late,” he said as the knife whipped past his ear and towards Lib’s chest.

“Yeah, well, blame yourself for putting me on guard on the other ass-end of this fucking city.”

“Blame yourself for running your mouth in front of Councilor Balneum.”

Luche scoffed, grabbing another knife from Nyx’s hand and pitching it at Lib. “He had it coming.”

I also like to explore the relationship between Nyx and Luche as friends who had grown apart, and how that changes when Drautos isn't purposely driving a wedge between them. I see them as two people who know each other extremely well, but don't always have the same ideals. They do, however, both enjoy throwing knives at Libertus.

Nyx nodded slightly in agreement, sniffing once. “Yeah, he did. Doesn’t change the fact that I had to do something about it, or risk him mouthing off to someone else with more sway.”

I don't think a lot of people caught this detail, despite the fact that I made a point of it in the scene prior, but Nyx is subconsciously using the same behavioural cues that he was examining in Cor. Specifically, this is the 'slight sniff to denote agreement', though Nyx notably also voices his opinion where Cor tends to leave it unspoken.

“Fucking politics.”

Nyx laughed, “Yeah, welcome to the Citadel, Luche. You still want to be my second?”

This is the first time I mention in this series (or any, for that matter) that Luche is Nyx's second in command. I will delve into this more in his planned KGLegends22 piece.

“Shut the fuck up,” Luche sighed, throwing the last knife at Lib and missing by a meter. “Let me take a nap instead of running drills, and we’re even.”

Lib watched the knife clatter off in the other direction, bemused.

Luche is just tired, here. His aim is actually very good.

“How about you go relieve Crowe of her flag and I won’t make you do target practice for an hour to make up for your shit aim?”

Nyx has to balance being a Captain and not being a hardass. He's being a bit soft here, but part of that is to gauge just how sour Luche is, since this is early into their Captain-Second partnership. They already mesh pretty well, but the last thing the Kingsglaive need is interpersonal conflict between their leadership. It's about toeing the line between authority and comraderie.

“Oi, fuck you!” Crowe shouted, now dangling slightly to the left of where she had been earlier and attempting to shove Anya off the course.

“Deal,” Luche laughed before shattering into blue sparks behind him.

One of the parallels I am making in this scene is the connection between Fighting and Play in Galahdian culture. Nyx's training style and leadership is drastically different from Drautos', largely because Nyx is letting his own upbringing inform how he leads. Rather than warp training being traumatic as it is in the movie, they utilize various techniques in team building activities, simultaneously training the magic as they build trust in one another.

I am annoyed at myself for not mentioning that there are other Glaives taking part in this capture the flag game, though. It's not just the five of them in there.

“Still should just tell them off, Hero,” Lib said, sauntering back from retrieving Luche’s stray throw. “Or at the very least have someone else do it. No reason to make a fool of yourself for the royals. You’re not just a random Glaive anymore and they need to remember that.”

“Easy for you to say,” Nyx scoffed. “You’re not the one standing in a room with them every day.”

“Sounds like you need to remember it too, Captain."

Libertus has never exactly been subtle, but that's just as well, since Nyx is being extremely obtuse here. You'd think he'd pick up on it, but nah. Which is a good think for us, since otherwise we wouldn't have gotten Nyx doing a little dance for Cor in the very next scene XD

[spindrifters]

H: How would you describe your style? + G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order? + F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

:))) forgive me im greedy

no forgiveness needed, please be so so greedy.

H: How would you describe your style?

I don't know why this one's so tough?? maybe it's hard to see my own style from inside of it. but it's definitely character-driven via emotional arcs before anything else. I think it's pretty clean and straightforward, though maybe occasionally veering towards poetic when I'm in the guts of something emotionally ineffable.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

start to finish! I wish I could write out of order, there are certain scenes I can see so clearly in my mind but if I don't know what's leading directly into it, it feels impossible to start. something something about a theater background, idk.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“Remus. Moony,” Sirius says, all at once feeling wildly desperate, because he’s meant to have the answers. He’s meant to throw himself between danger and the people he loves. And he doesn’t know what to do here. He doesn’t know where the danger lives, because suddenly it seems to be closing in at all sides. “How do I fix this? Just… just tell me how to fix this and I will.” Remus shakes his head. “You can’t.” “There has to be something. I should’ve been able to stop him, before this all got out of hand. I will, next time.” “Oh, will you?” Remus asks, and there’s the ghost of an almost hysterical laugh in there. “So what, should I spend the rest of my life hiding behind your robes? You’re not always around, Sirius, and even if you were, I… I’m a person, alright? I'm my own man. I can handle myself, and buggering Christ, you’re always fucking smothering me.”

This one. I'm really fucking proud of this whole scene, basically the entirely of marginalia, chapter 19. Because this is the moment where they're both finally allowing themselves to say the quiet part out loud about every bit of subtext that's existed in their relationship up until this point. It's also the first time Remus is really, truly allowing his defenses to come down in front of Sirius. (It's also, we will learn later on, the moment Remus realizes he has feelings for Sirius and promptly rewires his brain into just being mad at him.) I had to put into dialogue some harsh truths while juggling some funky relationship dynamics, all through the perspective of Sirius, who is fundamentally still Realizing Things™. So this whole scene could have ended up being wildly overwrought and melodramatic, but I think it came together in a really realistic and satisfying way.

fic ask game

[ninjakk]

Why the 'like' someone conversation WWX had with JYL was so poignant

The scene where WWX asks his shijie JYL what it feels like to 'like' someone, to me, is a hard pill for me to swall. When I read it, it made my heart ache for a second.

Chapter 71

Wei WuXian, “Why would someone like another person? I mean that kind of like.” Jiang YanLi paused for a moment, musing, “Why are you asking me about this? Do you like someone? What kind of a maiden is she?” Wei WuXian, “No. I won’t like anyone. At least not too much. Wouldn‟t it be the same as putting a rein on my neck?"

There are two sections to this very simple piece of dialogue that really hit home to me. The fact JYL assumes the sex of someone WWX would like was just a heart sinking moment for me. It's not her fault, she's been brought up in a time period when heteronormative ideology was somewhat widespread and she grew up in a house with at least one homophobe - so she is predisposed to assume he only likes girls.

It's a sore spot for me - I'm not going to lie. I have been JYL myself, and I'm not proud of it. I can only blame my ignorance on my age and how rife heteronormative ideology was at the time. But, I still did this to my own brother and it haunts me to this day. I wish I hadn't assumed anything - but I did. I'm lucky my little brother didn't blame me for being so ignorant. At the time, my brother didn't understand his own feelings either. He just knew he felt different and had never liked a girl.

Now people could argue I'm projecting my personal thoughts into this scene - and maybe I am. But I think a lot of people have been in the situation above, when people assume their sexuality as the default hetro and they have a similar reaction. Obviously JYL's passing comment didn't seem to necessarily upset WWX. But to me, his answer is quite telling.

Chapter 71

Wei WuXian, “Why would someone like another person? I mean that kind of like.” Jiang YanLi paused for a moment, musing, “Why are you asking me about this? Do you like someone? What kind of a maiden is she?” Wei WuXian, “No. I won’t like anyone. At least not too much. Wouldn‟t it be the same as putting a rein on my neck?”

He states he will not like anyone and it's quite a sad thing to say really. To me, this is because he's never actually felt overly attracted to a girl - he just assumes he won't like any girl that much, because to him he never has. He then covers himself by being silly and making a joke out of the whole thing, insinuating he'd be tied down and that would be a bad thing. We know this isn't how he really feels, because he had saved his first kiss for his 'one'. So the statement and his actions are very contradictory. Because of the heteronormativity he has been subjected to growing up, he is predisposed to assume it must be a girl he has to 'like' and because he doesn't 'like' any girls that much (or perhaps at all?) he has determined that this is something that will never happen for him. This is WWX pretty much confessing he's never had those feelings for a girl. Unfortunately he doesn't understand or realise his feelings for LWJ are of a romantic nature, because he assumes he can only have those feelings for a girl. I actually really feel for him at this point. Thankfully WWX doesn't put much thought into the fact he's never 'liked' a girl enough and as he's a romantic at heart, we can only assume he hopes to still meet his 'one' some day. (Oh sweetheart, you've already met him!)

I've seen a lot of people getting a bit annoyed about others claiming the above question is in relation to LWJ. Now I know it's not really, it's about JYL and JZX. WWX cares very much for his shijie and he is worried about her. He wants to make sure she is happy. But I think it is also slightly at the back of his mind, in relation to LWJ as well. But only subconsciously. He's just returned from seeing him after all. He'd got ghost girls to throw flowers at him in order to obtain his attention. He even just mentioned to JC that he saw LWJ as well! So you can't say LWJ wasn't fresh on his mind.

WWXs mind even drifts back to LWJ after the above conversation. After he reminisces about when he first arrived at Lotus Pier, he starts to think about LWJ and the happy times he had at the CR.

Chapter 71

Squatting in the yard, Wei WuXian put the empty bowl onto the ground. He gazed at the stars sprinkled across the sky, and then smiled. When he ran into Lan WangJi in the streets, he recalled many things from when he was studying at the Cloud Recesses. On a whim, he stopped Lan WangJi, wanting to direct their conversation toward those days as well. But, Lan WangJi reminded him that everything was different from how they were back then.

So, both before and after this conversation about 'liking' someone, WWX's thoughts gravitate towards LWJ. He even smiles about it! It's subconscious, but you can't help but think it's because his heart is trying to tell him something deep within and he is yearning for a simpler, happier time before everything was so complicated and tragic.

[mywritingonlyfans]

A fic about sucking / Smut with Damiano David

warnings: it's what the anon said, it's smut! like just smut!

a/n: i hope you don't mind but i'm taking some stuff you guys send and writing and yeah, i'm back. oh, and it's small, 1,378 words of pure smut

It was similar to sucking his energy to yourself.

He would come off stage all agitated, let you jump into his arms, lifting you and spinning you around. The air would come out of your lungs, because he was irresistible like that, so he would kiss your cheek, your neck, marking the spot with his teeth so that you squirmed in his arms, and as a calling, soon he would be getting rid of the others to be pulled by you to some quieter place. It was always like that after their concert when you were present, no exceptions, and today would be no different.

“Did you like the gig? What did you think?” He asked, knowing the answer well; just wanting to have his ego fueled by you as he closed the door behind his half naked body.

Catching your lower lip between your teeth, you placed your hands on his chest, pressing him against the door, looking straight into his eyes from the tip of your toes. “It was good, I kinda fancy the shirtless man throwing himself at people who made the best facial expressions when singing. Quiet hot I might add.”

“And what are you gonna do about it?” His voice thickened, making you shiver.

He held the collar of your shirt, guiding you closer to him until his mouth was inches away from yours, before thousands of exchange of glances, you got on top of his feet and kissed him.

"Dami,” you whispered into his mouth, letting your breath take him as your fingers delved into his damp hair, pulling some locks for yourself.

“Huh,” he pulled his lip to himself, pulling a quiet moan out of you. When you opened your eyes you had a flushed Damiano, already impatient in front of you.

You sighed between giggles at his restless behavior, rubbing your knee between his thighs to feel how excited he was for you; as expected he was in his half solid state coming from your little touches. “I wanna praise you properly for tonight,” you added strength to his bulge, digging your nails through the hair on his chest and working your way down to the bottom of his shorts. “Can I have a taste of you pretty boy?” Your finger slipped inside the hem of his underwear, causing his stomach to contract and you to smile even more.

“Sure, go ahead, babe,” He didn’t hesitate, holding on to your shoulders for you to kneel before him; you didn’t blame him, in any other circumstance at this time he would be the one pounding into you or diving into your juices because it was always you who didn’t control yourself and needed him to put you in your place.

Doing as he expected, you tucked your hair behind your ear, getting your locks out of sight, and propped yourself up on his thighs, your hands right below Jesus. “Unbutton yourself, babe!” You instructed him, placing a gentle but wet kiss on his tattoo’s nose.

Obeying you, with his eyes still fixed on your face and swollen lips from his previous actions, he pulled his shorts off along with his underwear, revealing what you wanted so badly; your smile was priceless under his gaze. “Do you like what you see, angel?” He sounded softly, both knew it wouldn’t last long until your character dropped. In minutes he would be the one to shut you up by being in charge, not you; it was a fact.

“Yeep,” You said excitedly, holding him in your hands, following for a few pumps, making him let out sighs that filled the room you were in. “Are you excited about it, pretty boy? Imagining when you have my mouth?” With that being said, and his hip thrusted into your hand, you leaned in, watching him look at you intently, and licked his slit, gathering his sweetness for yourself.

“C’mon, angel,” he said already breathless, holding your hair and putting it around his fist, before that you had your lips pressed against him.

“Wait, it was my time to shine!” You whined, not sounding annoyed at all; even because you weren’t.

“You shine when you’re not being a tease, baby doll,” he said simply, guiding his tip between his lips. “Now be good and take what you want, huh?”

You nodded, gathering saliva to accommodate him, opening your mouth wide with your tongue ready for him, letting him fill you. He held on to the back of your neck, making you close your eyes and concentrate on sucking his entire length into your warmth. You went on like this, having him lost in front of such a scene until he realized that he needed more. “Look at me, angel,” he pulled you by the hair so he could pull him out of your mouth, resulting in a pleasant ‘pop’ noise to sound in his ears as he admired your saliva running down the corners of your lips.

“What’s wrong?” You said quietly, wiping yourself off with the back of your hand.

“Nothing angel, I just need more,” he paused, swallowing hard; a simple act, but enough for you to understand what he wanted. You were never one to want to be in control when it came to him anyway. “More of you for myself.”

You smiled enthusiastically, assuring him that it was what you needed. “Yes, babe, please,” you whispered, leaning properly on his thighs, parting your lips again for him.

Silencing you with his weight, he held tight to your hair, guiding you the way he wanted you to be positioned. His eyes roamed over your face, only to receive a nod assuring him that you were okay with that and with your throat appropriately relaxed for taking him. Following the signals, he thrust his hips into you, filling your mouth with him and pulling up to the tip just to fill your throat right after. His movements were repeated until his noises were way too loud inside the small room and your eyes were melting into tears. If there was someone outside, they would clearly know what you were doing.

“God, yes,” he groaned, his raspy voice making you want to touch yourself as he eased into you. “You’re taking me so well, fitting me just right into your mouth, angel. I bet your velvety mouth was made for this, right? Just to take me like that.” He ran his thumb down your cheek, wiping away a tear of black makeup as he violently went at you.

You agreed, feeling drool on your chin as a few drops trickled down your arm. Lost in your senses, you watched him, taking note of his makeup-smudged eye; which was certainly better than yours right now and the veins in his neck that were tight in between his silent moans, within minutes your throat was being filled with his hot liquid as you swallowed every drop of it; or at least tried.

“Fuck,” he lamented, needing to get you out of him because it was becoming too much.

You took a few last licks at him, coughing a little as you felt your throat scratch for the lack of him as you tried to push away your blurred vision with your wrists.

“C’mere here, sweetheart,” his sweet voice welcomed you as he knelt in front of you, grabbing you in your arms and kissing your forehead, wiping your mouth with his hands. His arms tightened around you, pulling your face towards him, showering you with kisses, cheek, nose and then your mouth in an act so gentle that made the previous moment seem banal for both of you. “You’re such a lovely mess right now, love, but you did so great for me, I’m very proud of you.” He pecked your forehead, still trying to clean up more of the mess that was the makeup under your eyes.

“Proud enough that I can be repaid?!” You asked, giving him your best puppy eyes while holding his chin so he could be looking you right in the eye.

He bent over you, leaning your back gently on the icy ground, running his teeth over the sensitive skin of your neck and cheering you up. “Always babe, always.”

------

tagging: @pingpongchamps @oro-e-diamanti @marriedwithmarktuan @its-afucking-mess

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3