#but I do feel that the issue wouldn't be clear cut exactly — especially in the last years it would be impossible to find a King's Man who

[edennill]

Yes! — I've also thought a lot about just how important the Lay of Leithian must have been to them in those last years — the great defeats of Sauron and Morgoth, sure, but also Finrod's Ten, "but none would yield and none would tell", et cetera. Probably treated almost like a prayer at times, even — I've written upon this here and here, I think. I've never considered the lesser known stories in that context though, and the bit about the Third Kinslaying is fascinating to think about. Venerating Bor out of spite at the racism of the ruling class... wow.

The reason I'm wondering about martyrological traditions is that, well, I'm hard-pressed to imagine that a people (and religious tradition!) who experienced such persecution could not have one... except that what happened in Númenor, with that entire "human sacrifice to the embodiment of evil" facet is, I think, slightly more awful than anything that happened — on a similar scale — in real life history (and the things that did were already... bad). And I don't know if they'd be able to look at it with anything but horror, even knowing these were heroes, these were people who conquered in death — and to be honest, the idea that they wouldn't even be able to draw comfort from the bravery of others, would make that completely terrifying situation even worse. I don't know if I want that, from a "narrative satisfaction" POV, but I keep debating this with myself.

I'm also wondering in how much did they take the whole idea to be a parody of their own religious traditions — how much Sauron intended it to be in fact — as the kings did make bloodless offerings (i.e. fruit and grain probably) upon Meneltarma. The kings of Gondor are still high priests, but they fulfill any rites alone (anyone have that letter in which Tolkien expounds on this?) — and I feel like what prompted the change had to have been either a sense of collective guilt, or lingering horror at the once-committed desecration.

You're probably right that any martyrological tradition would swiftly decline in popularity during the Third Age; I don't think that if one existed it could be utterly forgotten, but it wouldn't be something an average citizen thinks about too often (or at all), and the númenórean co-responsibility for it might be downplayed too (although I do have this particular headcanon about the Gondorian psyche that might preclude this somewhat, but I believe "they didn't want to think about it too much" is more or less canon...) I do imagine that there is, for example, a symbolic grave someone had raised in Pelargir to a kinsman who was slain in the temple, and that centuries later, there is still a tradition of leaving flowers upon it, but these are local things and need not be accompanied by too much reflection over what they really mean.

(Tbh, I wonder what it looks like in Gondor vs. Arnor, because the latter strikes me as both less connected to that Númenórean heritage, for very understandable reasons — Gondor was always nearer and is partially founded upon the colonies — and more... I don't know how to describe it, ascetic maybe — especially after its might is dissolved? rational? likelier to focus on tragedies?)

The questions of morality when living at the heart of a tyrannical empire are also an interesting subject, since you cannot really avoid being partially complicit. The Lords of Andunië canonically have ships and riches, so I think it's likely the Faithful in the Westlands/Romenna (I have no idea where they were living at this point and the text itself isn't helpful) were almost self-sufficient as a whole — but not all of them were part of this community. At the same time, I also think there was a lot of internal debate on whether the colonialism is justified — I really don't imagine Elendil & co supporting slavery, but there has to have been someone who used the very beliefs of the Faithful to justify it ("We were given this island and power by the Valar, so what follows is that they want us to rule the world et cetera"). Which conflict probably also boils over into how the kingdoms-in-exile approached the "middle men" later on.

Do you maybe have any thoughts about the Faithful in Númenór, esp. in the last, darkest years... their motivations and ways of going about the hellish reality they found themselves in? Do you think the later remnant that formed the kingdoms in exile has a martyrological tradition?

(feel absolutely free to ignore this if I'm being presumptuous by asking — I don't think Númenor is your "specialty" as far as I'm aware, but I really like your philosophical approach to the Silm in general and I kind of yearn to hear the opinions of other religious people on the Akallabeth... since I think one cannot ignore that facet of the story, as interwined with the subject as it is)

I love these kinds of asks and I’m delighted you sent it! I hadn’t comsidered it before – thank you for setting me off thinking about it, because it is fascinating!

I think you’re right, that the Faithful would certainly have matrys and hold strongly to the memory of them as inspiration to hold fast in dark times. It must have bern horrific to them, seeing their entiee culture that they loved twisted and turned to the service of evil, and their friends dragged off as human sacrifices on Sauron’s altars. Remembering borth their own martyrs, and heroes of the First Age who defied the darkness, like Beren and Lúthien and Finrod and Húrin, could be inspiration in that time. I can even see them developing traditions around parts of the First Age they hadn’t thought much about until that time; for example, Fëanoreans followers who turned against the Fëanoreans during Sirion could be an image of rejecting allegiance to your nation-state when it has turned to evil. Or around Bór and his people, who fought against Morgoth; which could also become a symbol of solidarity with the Men of Middle-earth whom Númenor was victimizing. You would see Faithful risking their lives to save Men of Middle-earth from being made sacrifices, and being killed themselves (which would probably also draw parallels with Finrod in Tol-in-Gaurhoth), and memorialized by the Faithful. Martyrdom would be further elevated by being a symbolic contrast to the obsessions of Ar-Pharazôn and his followers: willingly giving up your life in service of what is right, set against the all-consuming obsession with avoiding death.

I think one thing that would become pressing to the Faithful in the time of Ar-Pharazôn and Sauron (and even well before that) would be the question of how to avoid being complicit in an empire that is bring your country such wealth and power. Because of this, I could see a strong ascetic tradition developing among some of the Faithful, living with minimal possessions and on simple food to avoid partaking of the spoils of empire; the love of craft and beauty is rooted to deeply to disappear, I think, but for some it would change to a determination that the only objects of art/beauty you would have would be ones made by yourself and your loved ones – a sort of return to the roots of what makes art meaningful, in human connection not vain display.

In times of such despair, I can also see these things taking a darker turn in some cases. People deliberately seeking out a martyr’s death for its own sake, seeing it again as a defiance of the King’s Men’s obsession with extending life, and because they had lost hope of things ever being better. Ascetics deliberately starving themselves to death.

In the kingdoms in exile, Arnor and Gondor, it becomes complicated in a different way. When the Faithful left Númenor, I think they knew in their hearts something dreadful was going to happen; but I don’t think they necessarily expected it to encompass the destruction of the entire island and everyone on it. While the martyriologucal tradition may have endured until the end of the Second Age, while they were fighting Sauron, as a memorial of what he had done to them and why it was necessary to fight, I think that things would have changed fairly rapidly in the Third Age. When we look at how Gondor remembers Númenor – the ritual of looking west before dinner as an equivalent to saying grace, and the way it’s talked about throughout The Lord of the Rings – it feels remembered primarily as a glorious lost past, not as a cautionary tale. I think the memory of Ar-Pharazôn’s era would have faded quickly, and the earlier history of Númenor would have been valorized – at first the time of Elros and the years when things were uncomplicatedly good, but after a while even the pre-Sauron time of empire and the years of Tar-Ciryatan and Tar-Atanamir might also be remembered as glory days, and the Downfall seen as the tragic consequence of corruption brought about by Sauron, rather than a progressive moral decline that long preceded Sauron and of which he was only the culmination. I think that it’s natural to idealize a thing once you’ve lost it; even a political refugee who left their country because it was tyrannical and oppressive – even one who had vigorously opposed their country’s actions as immoral – would feel grief, nostalgia, sentiment, if while in exile they saw that country destroyed. So I think that in the Third Age, Gondorian memory of Númenor as a whole becomes rather hagiographic, and the period under Ar-Pharazôn and Sauron is sidelined as an anomaly.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole if I start hooking up with my hook-up's friend?

Some background info is necessary here. I'm aromantic and I've always been completely open about that and as upfront about what a relationship with me will (and, more importantly, won't) entail. I met this particular guy on a dating website like OKCupid or something like that, I don't remember exactly which one. We got along and were attracted to each other so I sat him down and had my usual talk with him about what he could expect and what he should never expect and whether or not that was a relationship he was okay with having. He said yes, so we started doing basically a FWB thing.

He's incredibly hot and we are very compatible sexually (which is honestly not super common for me tbh lol). The problem is, he often gets clingy and weepy and complains to me about how lonely he is and that he really wants a romantic relationship, complete with things about how no one will ever love him and those types of sayings. I've talked to him about it a few times and asked if he was sure he wanted to keep doing this with me when I will never be able to meet that need. We're also not exclusive at all, so I usually respond to this kind of thing by encouraging him to keep seeing other people/keep putting himself out there/etc and hyping him up and stuff. Every time we talk about it he says he's good to go, that he totally understands my aromanticism and he won't try to push for romance from me, and like I said it's kind of difficult for me to find people who also want the sex I want (I guess I'm kind of kinky and a stone top which in my experience a lot of guys are not into idk) and especially to find people who are interested in sex and dating with no actual romantic feelings or intent. So I've been sticking with him even though he keeps bringing this up and kind of (seemingly) implying that he wants things from me I've told him repeatedly I can't give. I don't want to hurt his feelings by still sleeping with him if he wants love, but I'm basically operating on the assumption that he's a big boy who can make his own decisions and I've been honest with him and understanding, at least as far as I'm concerned.

That's the backstory, now we reach the issue I'm actually asking about. A few days ago, maybe as an early birthday present for me or maybe just coincidentally, this guy had a friend over at the same time as me and we ended up having a threesome. It was great! I really liked the other person involved and we were all compatible and had a lot of fun. They gave me their number on my way out.

So I've been texting with this person, that my long term (I guess, depending on your definition of "long term") hook-up introduced me to via a threesome, and they have asked me if I want to hook up again with just them. Which I totally do. I know I wouldn't be an asshole to start seeing them in addition to the first guy because we're not exclusive and never have been, and I've made myself clear from the beginning that we never would be. My question is would I be the asshole if I started seeing this person that he introduced me to via a threesome, and also stopped having sex with him (I would be open to still being friends who don't have sex, but somehow I doubt he would be very interested in that).

The thing is, this new person is also aromantic, so I know that a non-romantic sexual relationship that stays non-romantic would actually for sure be okay with them. I wouldn't have to worry a) about hurting their feelings because they want something from me I can't give, or b) them repeatedly implying they want more or thought I could change my mind eventually or whatever. But... It just seems like it might be a bit of a dick move when he introduced us for group sex and then to... cut him out of the group, I guess.

So... would I be the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[crossdressingdeath]

Kyvir: You travelled with Bhaalspawn before, didn't you? What do you know of them? Minsc: Ahh, Boo has an inkling that this is not the question you mean to ask. I saw some hint of things when our minds mushed together - but Jaheira confirmed it for me. Minsc: You are of the same blood as our old friend: a Bhaalspawn, and as close to Minsc as if they were his own kin. Minsc: That makes Minsc your uncle. Kyvir: That's all you have to say? You're not worried what my blood might turn me into? Minsc: A curious question. Are a child and his father always alike? Minsc: Take Minsc! He does not have a clear memory of the face of his father, but he does remember tugging on the thick, red whiskers that sprang from his chin. Minsc: A beard for the ages! Boo could have nested there happily through even the harshest of Rashemen winters. Minsc: Now - look closely at Minsc, and what do you see? Kyvir: You don't have a beard. Minsc: Correct! There are more whiskers on Boo's tiny face than on the mighty chin of Minsc! Minsc: If Minsc did not inherit the flaming red hair of his mother, or the bushy red beard of his father, why would the spawn of Bhaal inherit his wickedness? Kyvir: Thank you. It's nice not having to justify myself for once. Minsc: Minsc is not here to judge - that is a thing for hamsters and hathrans alone.

Oh, this is very sweet. Especially with how Durge's first response to learning that Jaheira wants them to track down Minsc and realizing that he's an enemy of Bhaal can be "Minsc of Rashemen, the guy who hunts Bhaalspawn?" Being able to establish that worry in their mind only to meet Minsc and have him immediately say "No, your father doesn't decide who you are and I'm not going to judge you on the grounds of your blood" when the topic comes up is fantastic. I also love how Jaheira clearly wasn't worried about Minsc taking it badly for a second, since old friend or no I think that if she expected him to respond poorly she wouldn't have told him, at least not without talking to Durge first. It's also nice to know that the mind link from the tadpoles does give away them being Bhaalspawn, at least to someone who'd know what signs to watch out for; I did wonder if that would be the case.

Also! I love how Durge initially tries to sidestep around what they want to ask only for Minsc to immediately grasp what their actual point is, both for how tidily it establishes Durge being nervous about raising the subject with him (when if you choose to tell the earlier party members about it you just tell them outright that you're Bhaalspawn and don't dance around it at all) and how neatly Minsc cuts to the chase in order to assure them that he's not going to judge them for it. It's a bit strange that he says his connection to Gorion's Ward makes him Durge's uncle, since that would imply a connection to Bhaal rather than one of Durge's half-siblings, but that immediate insistence that they were Minsc's family and that makes Durge Minsc's family is incredibly sweet. Both because of the way he doesn't hesitate for a second to say it and because of how he clearly still thinks the world of Gorion's Ward (although that second one will probably be more effective when I've played the first two games). Minsc's metaphor also isn't really the greatest (divine blood coursing through your veins and pushing you to kill isn't exactly the same thing as your dad's beard inheritance-wise), but it's so clearly well-intentioned that it still works.

And it's also very fun how Durge can thank him for not making them justify themselves at all. While the rest of the group's concerns do come from a place of genuine care and worry for Durge and it's very fair that they all feel the need to say "You have to fight Bhaal" since that is a very pressing issue at the point in the story where it comes up, I can definitely see Durge being relieved to have one person learn they're Bhaalspawn and respond with essentially "That's okay." Minsc doesn't need to be reassured that they're going to fight Bhaal's influence, because a) he has plenty of experience with Bhaalspawn doing just that and so isn't as worried as people without that experience would be and b) Jaheira presumably wouldn't be travelling with them if she didn't trust them to make the right choice. Minsc also connects them to Gorion's Ward first, which is a fun touch; instead of saying they've got the blood of an evil god, he's saying that Durge has the same blood as a hero. It's just so good, I love him.

[marveltaughtmetoread]

I think the crux of the disconnect between Prequels era fans is that the Jedi supporters believe the Jedi are good and right, and it is on this that we should support, and the Jedi critical fans are like no one in this era is good and right, including the Jedi, and the fact that you won't admit the Jedi are wrong is driving us insane

Because frequently when Jedi supporters are arguing with me, they are dismissing the notion that the Jedi could ever do anything wrong and then bring up how awful Anakin is as a way to say I am wrong, because I support Anakin

Which I don't support Anakin????

I like him, he is an incredibly compelling character especially as someone who knows what it is like to repress your feelings and want so badly to hold onto the ones who care for you

But I don't support him, it's actually because I relate to him that I don't, I wish I could save him, I have compassion for him, but he killed people, he committed genocide, twice??? In the Prequels??? He is exactly the type of person who terrifies me in real life, I don't support him

My love of his character writing does not mean that I am overlooking his clear moral failings or even that agree with him, because I don't, I actually love his character more because he is written to be so flawed morally, he is an exploration of emotional repression and how wanting power, even if it is to save someone else can still make you a bad person, it is this complexity that drew me to him as a character

I am drawn to morally complex characters in spite of the fact that their actions go against my morals, because I personally find morally complex characters to be more compelling

So why then, if I like morally flawed characters do I have such an issue with the Jedi and their morals in particular

Quite simply, it's the way they aren't written (especially in the Clone Wars) with that same moral complexity, they are written as if they are moral good

And it is this framing of them that a lot of Jedi supporters have clearly sided with and made their reason to support the Jedi, they believe the Jedi are good and believe that fans should support morally good characters so they can't understand why I wouldn't support them

But the Jedi aren't morally good and I find the inability to acknowledge that alarming

The Prequels movies do a much better job of showing how their inaction leads to bad things, but even in the Prequels there isn't a full of acknowledgement of how far they have fallen

Whereas the Clone Wars just doesn't acknowledge it, at all, they flatten the story down so it has no moral complexity, they have clear cut good guys and bad guys, the Jedi are the good guys, no matter what, the bad guys are the Sith, their is the occasional attempt at making the morality of the Clone Wars more grey but it is inconsistent, and overall the approach is a binary

The issue is, in painting the Jedi as morally good, the Prequels era glosses over how they aren't, they aren't objectively good, no one in the Prequels era but in pretending that they are, you make the meta around the canon morally complex

You have people defending the Jedi's use of the clones, choice to ignore slaves and chain themselves to the Repiy, handling of Anakin and the Padawans in general, involvement in the war and everything else because the Jedi are framed as good guys

I have yet to meet anyone defending Anakin's actions because he is so clearly framed as the guy falling to the Dark Side, we are meant to mourn his fall but we aren't meant to think he was in the right

Not everything the Jedi did is bad, but enough is that placing them on a pedestal and calling them the heroes, acting like they don't deserve this slander when Jedi critical fans are just pointing out how the Jedi are morally compromised, is messed up

There is no moral high ground when it comes to the Prequels, everyone compromises themselves (including Padme, she stayed with Anakin,), but some fans want to act like there is and so we have a disconnect

[goldie90]

I saw someone reblog an old ask that I guess was from your friend? I got a little worried. Thanks for reblogging that apology, because I was sure you and your friend made up. But now I’m confused why would they pull up old drama that was between you and your friend.

I also believe that people can make mistakes and then apologize and change. And from how long I’ve followed you, you’ve been nothing but kind, so I think you’re nice! And your F/O is cool.

Hello anon.🙂

Yeah I think I know very well what and who you're talking about - it's likely exactly the same reason why we decided it might be good if we both reblog it again after all this time, to remind people of it and showing why digging up such old stories doesn't really makes sense, since this is something that has been cleared up and fixed long ago and luckily so.🙂

As for why a certain person apparently decided it would be cool or funny or whatever to bring this up again, we can only guess, as we were both quite baffled about it ngl, but we assume it is most likely because they are mad at the two of us. Cause... I don't know if you saw my other post and John's (that's my friend) statement on it? If so then you surely saw that he mentioned how he reached out to this person in an attempt to settle things between me and them and to get them to stop going around and messaging almost everyone I interacted with to "warn" them of me, as they like to call it. This was because there was not much of an other option as me and them both have each other blocked (and even if I would have unblocked them, I could not have messaged them since they would have had me blocked obviously lol) plus I knew they wouldn't have want to talk to me and I wanted to respect that and not stress them out or make them uncomfortable, and since John was also friends with them at this time, they offered to talk to them on my behalf which they did. Now this person did not accept my apology which was fine - they don't have to. But they promised John that they would stop messaging people and tell them bad things about me, yet they didn't stop. In fact it only took a few days for them to break their promise and that's why after a while John cut them off as well and blocked them.

And well, now that I decided to address the issue and he was openly showing his support in that matter, this person is apparently not very pleased with either of us and for some reason apparently thought it would be a good idea to dig up this very old thing and be like "look, that's what it looks like when these two are arguing with each other" which is not only distasteful and hurtful (especially for my friend!) but also kinda silly because they're trying to present it like they just discovered a huge scandal when it was not only very long ago but also never a secret to begin with.

I made a terrible mistake back then because I was hurt (which does not justify it in any way) and there is still not a single day on which I'm not regretting it and I still feel ashamed for what I did, but fact is I did it and I would never deny it. It is not a secret and it never was. What it is, to both me and my friend is a painful memory which we both took as motivation to grow and improve, as people and as friends. We are closer after all of this than we were before - something that makes us both happy and proud and we also worked together on improving our communication with each other, being more considerate of the other's feelings and we also figured out ways to argue respectfully and in a constructive way when we do. So no, despite what this person might think, the things you can see in this post are not what our arguments look like - not anymore.🙂

And thank you, hearing this means more to me than you can maybe imagine.💖

Also thank you so much for your message and I wish you a good night.💖

PS. Nubbins says thank you too and he thinks you're pretty cool too.🙂

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Guys... we need to talk.

Being misunderstood is one of the most distressing yet common occurrences for me, especially offline. So... having people believe what they did about my take on episode 98 of Go Rush is still actively distressing me.

So... warning for discussion of su*cide below the cut once again.

Because not at least attempting to clear the air is just leaving me really freaked out.

Just to be clear, this is not a targeted post. It's just me trying to be more coherent about why episode 98 made me as uncomfortable as it did.

First of all, and probably something I should've stated in my original post: I have been suicidal in the past. I don't want to go into detail but just know that this is firmly in the past and I am safe. I do not mind a character being depicted as suicidal so long as it's presented respectfully. My problem with episode 98 isn't that they made Zwijo suicidal. They didn't. I could tell that absolutely was not the intention of the writers. And the episode doesn't have that implication as much as I felt it did on my first two viewings.

My problem, and the reason I still don't like the episode, is a more complex issue that admittedly later episodes can rectify which is why I didn't initially want to say it. However, after wracking my mind trying to figure out why exactly this episode was still bothering me so much, this was the only answer that made sense: I don't want it to be the end of Zwijo's character arc.

He was, at least at one point recency bias admittedly confuses this for me, a character I liked and his character arc, in my eyes, was about him not valuing his life because he wasn't a "real being." It was logic I never fully wrapped my head around admittedly but that's not a flaw in the writing by any means.

My point though is that killing him off permanently after he finally did value his life... wouldn't exactly be a flaw either it would just be... Miserable? Maybe it would be realistic but it's a card game show, dammit! I don't want "realism", I want satisfying character arcs and... I know a lot of people were satisfied with how episode 98 handled Zwijo and while I definitely see where they're coming from and get what the writers were going for, it really just doesn't work for me as Zwijo's final appearance. If that's what the episode is.

Because yes, I'm one of those people who thinks there's a non zero chance that Yudias will go into season 3 as the final Velgearian, much like Ai was the final Ignis in season 3 of VRAINS. It's not confirmed at the time of writing so it feels unfair to judge the episode for that, hence why I didn't bring it up initially. However, because of that, along with other outside factors, this is an episode I just don't think I can really have a concrete opinion on, at least until the arc is over.

Basically what I'm saying is that the original review I wrote was a mistake and the result of me staying up way too late brainrotting over this show. All I can really say for sure about the episode right now is "stop using Soul Galaxy at the ends of episodes, I beg you. I get what you were going for and that it may have been necessary for the runtime because of the duel being longer but holy shit please stop-"

And that the episode just depresses me, but not in a way that makes me enjoy watching it like episodes 34, 90, or 95, all of which I'd personally consider more sad (and are also three of my favourite episodes...)

I just personally find episode 98 unsatisfying as a final Zwijo episode, which I pray it's not but we'll have to see...

[kafus]

2, 3, 5, 12, 14, 15, 20?

2. Have you had any fusions that eventually split back to the (more or less) same parts?

not in particular... we've had fused alters split again but not to the same alters as before? i will say some of our fusions have been kinda like. Fuzzy/not complete so i will notice them being more separate sometimes and more fused other times but that's not so much a fusion...... unfusing later down the line and more like that's just the State Of Their Fusion. if that makes sense

3. Have you had any fusions that eventually split into new parts?

oops i did not read the questions ahead and basically answered this in the previous question. yeah we're pretty fragmented so we have had a Lot of fusions over time and alters will split into new parts... and those parts will fuse with other parts... and all our alter histories are a mess. there's a reason we don't care to self identify in public other than as "kiki" and "ayano" because explaining it to people or constantly knowing who exactly we are would be Fucking Exhausting

5. After a fusion of named parts, how do you decide which name to go by?

really just depends on the fusion and the feelings of the alters who are fusing? there's no clear cut way we handle that every single time, no rules, kind of just between the alters who fuse. i wouldn't even necessarily say it's a "decision" either - something just Naturally Feels Right for the alters in question and That Is Their Name. we've also had cases where alters fuse and have a completely new name none of them had before after fusion

12. Have you had parts that attempted to fuse but couldn't?

Yeah actually we have a running issue right now with two alters who WANT to fuse but like... they just can't rightnow for a variety of personal and upsetting reasons, including you know. hating each other and not accepting each other. that's what therapy is for babey !

14. Have you had a positive fusion experience before?

yes! many :] we don't look poorly at fusion, it's a sign of healing and moving forward in our life. usually fusion is celebratory, especially if it's expected/planned and not spontaneous

15. Have you had a negative fusion experience before?

yeah but less because of ourselves and more because of people in our life. have had times where an alter fuses and everyone around us acts like a person just died which. i can empathize with feeling loss in that situation (in a sense i kind of do too sometimes depending on the fusion) but it's kind of frustrating and Not productive to act like fusion is killing someone. that's just not the case. the alter is still there! just in a different way.

20. What is your system's thoughts on final fusion? Is it a potential end goal for your system?

we don't want Final Fusion but i think one day in the far future it would nice for it to just be Two. dual existence is ideal for us. right now we have at LEAST 30 alters if not more but we would like to be Two one day. we've presented ourselves as two for so long and identify as a mirror or "two people" internally so much that it's hard to imagine being happy as One. i actively value my life as multiple as well - i don't see my DID as a curse that needs to be deleted, it is literally why i survived life altering childhood trauma (no pun intended), and it is a part of my identity... i care deeply about my alters... but it also is still a mental illness at the end of the day and i would like to be more functional and less fragmented. i think i am capable of being more whole and happy than i am now if we were brought down to two. two is good. but of course this varies for everyone and if final fusion is a system's goal or functional multiplicity with a lot of alters is their goal good for them

sorry for answering this so late i got busy LOL and sorry if it was too ramble-y i'm just sorta saying shit

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

I accidentally regressed at Penpal friend's house yesterday. I didn't mean to, and I didn't even suspect that I might until it was happening. We were laying on our bellies on the floor, watching a lizard shed his skin on the other side of the window. (Very interesting! He did such a good job!) The only thing I can think might have prompted it would be a combo of the position (laying on my belly, occasionally kicking my legs, entranced by a single thing a foot in front of my face) and some good old fashioned child-like wonder?

I grabbed my phone at one point, intending to type up a 🐥 of some kind (our usual symbol if I go small when texting) to let him know.. and before I could he said something about how hed thought about taking a picture of lizard too but didn't think it would show up good bc of the screen.. so I took a picture of lizard bc why not.. then just fiddled with my phone and settled back in for a bit and decided to just tell him with my voice. Because I felt like I could say it! And if I feel like I can, then there's no reason not to! So I told him I was 'feelin a lil bit little' and I think he just said 'ok' or 'alright' or something like that, but we kept watching the lizard and it wasn't a big deal or something that needed discussion? Was nice.

He did have a moment not long after where he cursed in front of me (and I'm p sure I've talked before about how that's the only thing I ask of him when I'm small - to avoid cursing. And it's something that's been a repeated issue, for one reason or another)... and I'd kind of withdrawn into myself (not that it was obvious from the outside compared to how I'd been acting beforehand) and was thinking about how I was probably gonna need to say something when I was big and how maybe it just wasn't a good idea to interact with him when I'm small.. and then he asked how small I was feeling and i kind of made the so-so/kinda motion with my hand and he brought up that he'd almost cursed but had thought he'd cut himself off (and I let him know he hadn't managed to cut it off) but he acknowledged and apologized for the slip up on his own and didn't do it again for the rest of the day. Which I'm taking as a win, yk? Especially because I wasn't little enough in that moment that it had actually bothered me? It was more that he wouldn't have known that fact when it happened and that it's a line that's been crossed in the past.

Our hangout session didn't really change much from how it usually would after that. I definitely noticed behaviors and stuff in myself that indicated my smallness, but we just kept hanging out and chatting about whatever. For a bit I started having a much harder time with words and started finger spelling to myself, but that was more in an echolalia sense, not in a 'trying to communicate' way. I don't think penpal friend knows ASL? I doubt this will become a regular thing, the two of us hanging out in person when I'm little, but if it did I might need to teach him a couple signs, at least?

Anyway.

I started to start feeling bigger at a certain point (he was eating lunch and had offered me some but I wasn't hungry) and I laid on my back and put my face in my shirt (trying to orient myself and figure out if I was big or small or what) and he checked in if I was alright and I just said I was 'havin a time' but was fine and he accepted that and just kept chatting to me (and also poked me in my belly once or twice bc it was EXPOSED) and I didn't really emerge with a firm answer, but I thought I was working my way towards bigger so decided to lean in that direction a bit without like, forcing myself bigger? If that makes sense?

He checked in a bit after about how little I was feeling (I think because he wanted to say something that was probably better heard by older ears? Idr exactly rn) and I kind of fumbled the answer cause it wasn't a clear-cut one, but I basically told him to go with older bc I was leaning that way and working towards it..

The thing that put me firmly back into adulthood was playing minecraft together. I'm really into it, but usually play on my computer. I have it on my phone too though, and wanted to show him the end to illustrate something I was talking about. We played together last time we hung out at his place too and I'd promised to bring my charger next time so we could play again if he wanted. So we did that and since he's super new to the game it puts me in a teaching role. Which solidified my 'bigness'.

Everything seemed fine yesterday but I texted him to check in this morning, just in case. He didn't even know what I was checking in about at first and when I clarified he said

"Oh it was fine yea :) no worries."

"I dont mind if you end up feeling little in person 💕 you're good"

So... we're good! And I'm good! And it was one of those things that felt like it should've been kind of a big deal because I haven't been little in front of someone (in person) in literal years I think?? (Its possible I may have slipped a bit in front of roommate B during one of my visits, but nothing specific comes to mind so I don't think I have?? And even if so, it probably wasn't addressed).. and this is definitely the first time I've regressed around Penpal friend (in person, at least) ever. But it just wasn't a big thing.

The only other thing really was that, just once, at my littlest, I had the vague urge to call him 'bubba'.. but it was more a passing thought and since I doubt this is gonna be a reoccurring thing, I'm not gonna worry about it or think on it too hard.

[ayzrules]

Your tags on https://www.tumblr.com/ayzrules/725611442866454528/ive-heard-a-lot-of-people-say-dont-reach-out-to

#i still do get bitter over how much time and energy i was willing to put into group 1 that group 1 wasn't returning to me#like this stuff takes so much time to get over

God, yes. I feel like I've been trying to "get over" a friendship that became like that for longer than the friendship has actually been good and healthy for.

Good on you for changing your priorities and sticking with it. I try to do something similar, every time I find myself dwelling on how hurtful that was, I channel the energy into making contact with a different friend.

I hope all the people with excuses in the tags see posts like yours and see what the takeaway is - that the result was NOT the friendship staying as it was with no effort from them. If you treat someone with lack of care, they WILL eventually start to care less about you, for self-preservation if nothing else. Good excuses and good communication about them can stave this off, but only so much.

Hang in there and thanks for sharing.

Good excuses and good communication about them can stave this off, but only so much.

gosh, so much this! Like, I didn't get to this point without talking to said friends - I got there after we had multiple conversations about it and it finally became clear enough to me that nothing was going to change. I think part of it was that I'm the kind of person who puts 100% into things I decide to invest time into, to an extent where it can get detrimental to my own health (i.e. staying up all night working on something instead of getting reasonable sleep) and this kind of bleeds into my interpersonal relationships. That group was my "top priority" in terms of channeling energy and enthusiasm for a long time, and the realization that the others in the group just didn't return the sentiment for whatever reason (and I mean that in the most neutral, least accusatory way possible - i understand that all of us are dealing with school, mental health, jobs, etc) was both difficult and freeing for me. I actually did exactly what the original post said you shouldn't (oops, haha) and literally wouldn't message first in the chat for weeks or months at a time - and every time I did that, the chat was just dead. Zero activity. I think that helped put some things into perspective for me too, especially when another chat I was in didn't suffer from this kind of issue.

every time I find myself dwelling on how hurtful that was, I channel the energy into making contact with a different friend.

100%! It's definitely been a much healthier way of coping with it for me. I haven't cut anyone from group 1 off or blocked/gone no contact or whatever, but I also don't go out of my way to randomly pop in and say hi anymore. Wrt my newer groups/chats I've always thought of it as like, filling the space that group 1 used to hold in a way? if i think of a fun activity that i might have liked to propose to group 1 in the past, i suggest it to my new group instead. i'm more than happy to do work and organize activities or fun lil events like music streams with new group because i get more than just "Ooo" as a response to suggestions. lmao.

If you treat someone with lack of care, they WILL eventually start to care less about you, for self-preservation if nothing else.

100% that last part. i haven't looked at any of the tags in the original post, but i hope those people can understand that it's supremely unhealthy to be waiting desperately for someone to respond and getting upset when they just don't while seeing them respond elsewhere, or wracking your brain for ways to engage people - who are supposed to be your friends! - in ways where they won't just ghost in the middle of the conversation, or feeling bitter when you're trying to put something together for them but the intended recipients don't seem invested or particularly receptive at all (me a few hours before seeing the original post, lol). even though i haven't left the chat or blocked anyone etc, i've definitely moved on, mostly because it was really doing a number on my mental health and I just... didn't want to feel so sad and lonely all the time, yknow? I also wasn't going to blame them for it, because it's not their fault that our expectations of friendship were misaligned. it just happened. sometimes that's what life is. if any of them reach out to me, I respond and engage, and I do still occasionally seek them out. they're just not "top priority" for my energy or time anymore.

Hang in there and thanks for sharing.

thank you <3333 and thank you for sending this ask! I'm glad it's not just me who feels this way. I really did feel like I was going insane, lol

Wishing you all the best <3

[oodlyenough]

I'm gonna use a cut 'cause this will probably get long lol

Yeah, obviously I don't yet know where exactly her arc is going to go in AAI2, but so far it feels like they've hit a bit of a reset button and I imagine that they'll end AAI2 with her... uh... starting an arc I thought she already had in the trilogy. I wouldn't expect her by AAI to have all her feelings about MVK sorted out, but I would expect her to be waaay past "what do you mean he's not perfect".

Franziska doesn't get as much material in the trilogy as I wanted, or arguably she should, but I thought what she did have painted a pretty good picture of who she was, and I also really loved all her material in 3-5, which I thought showed a clear progression from JFA and let us get to know her better. In 3-5 you get to see how she cares for people and you see how she demonstrates that care, whether it's bullying Edgeworth into self care lmao, her protectiveness over Sister Bikini, reaching out to Pearl (which backfires terribly lmao), staying up all night to free Maya, etc -- even Phoenix, for all that she rants and raves about Revenge against him, as soon as the earthquake hits she's offering to get him past the police line.

Trilogy Franziska is also imo clearly very shaped by having MVK as a father but she isn't especially motivated by him. JFA isn't about him as Phoenix originally assumes but about Edgeworth, then in 3-5 she makes it explicitly clear to Phoenix that her "revenge" at this point is for herself, and in court there's this:

So by the end of AA3 to me she seemed like she was on approximately the same trajectory as Edgeworth, if a step or two behind, ie figuring out who she is now that she doesn't have to or want to be MVK 2.0. I was hoping AAI would pick up where T&T left off, but so far it feels more like it was written based on like... the original character brief from JFA, lol.

In the interest of fairness to AAI though there have been some Franziska moments I liked -- like her saying being related to her by blood is no guarantee of anything. That's great and makes total sense she would have that kind of lingering trust issue, it's something I hadn't specifically thought of before and I appreciate the game giving it to me to chew on. (And it's a nice counterpoint to Phoenix who is the exact opposite lmao.) I also liked that referring to Edgeworth as the "likeliest suspect" and he immediately recognizes that tiny margin of error as a sign of her caring, lmao, they're so weird. And also that so far she's called him simply "Miles" all of once -- I wasn't sure I'd see adult Franziska do that in canon lol but I'm glad.

This post got really huge and kind of wandered away from the point sometimes, sorry. I am burdened with blorbo thoughts always

well, i've only finished the first two cases and have barely started the third. so far my impression of AAI is that it is like reading a moderately entertaining gen fic, where there are lines or moments that get quite a laugh out of me but an equal number of lines or moments that feel a bit off, or like the author flubbed canon continuity somewhere. franziska for example seems to forget and remember dl6 at random, so i assume someone off screen is hitting her with a fire extinguisher between cut scenes. etc.

also there have been no emotional stakes. the way i've seen fandom talk about these games i keep waiting for this last bit to change, but the longer it goes the more judge judy tapping watch.gif i am.

having said all that, i thought cammy meele was hilarious, and so were ms teneiro's hideous suitcases and the mournful music playing as she explained graphic design is her passion, and so is the concept of a police sponsored theme park. so it's not like i'm not enjoying myself at all. but, so far anyway, not a lot of meat on this bone, y'know

[witch-hazels-musings]

Hey there Hazel! I've found myself in a bit of a..predicament. Recently, I decided to revisit the new account of a writer whose old account I'm currently following only to realize that I had been blocked on their new account. Confused by this, I sent them a message pointing it out and apologizing in case I did something to upset them (i.e spam liking since they are one of the few authors I've come across to not exactly be fond of that, and I've been guilty of such in the past) but then I realized I had only interacted with their new account once, which made me even more bewildered. So I decided to ask what another author may have thought about this and they said that it may have been because I have a "blank blog" and that I shouldn't reach out to anyone to ask why I've been blocked (keeping in mind, I never did ask why. Just apologized.) because it can make someone uncomfortable and they "don't owe me an explanation for protecting their own space" which I completely understand. It is never EVER my intention to make anyone uncomfortable.

I had not the faintest clue that a blank blog can be seen as..offensive somehow? In reality, I had been building the courage to start reblogging and even possibly writing one day, but I've been moving at my own pace since I'm a generally nervous person in almost everything I do. Just recently I've been quite proud of myself for being able to send in asks/messages without being as nervous as the first time (I was an nervous wreck that time) but now because of this situation, I feel like I've moved 10 steps back. I've been overthinking this for almost the entire day and it's honestly extremely overwhelming since on one hand "wow, I can be blocked for a blank blog?" And the other "wow, now I've upset 2 of my favorite writers".

This has been weighing so heavy on my mind that truly, I feel quite deterred from interacting with anyone because of it but I want to keep trying since one day, I would like people to read my stories and I wouldn't want reblogs or anything in return, just to know that people are content with my writing. You are the only person that I've thought about reaching out to since you're so understanding and give amazing feedback and I hope to be as mature as you one day(once I get past my anxiousness).

TLDR: In case of anyone being in the same boat as me, do you have any advice on publicly writing and handling the anxiety that comes with putting out that first piece? I'm deeply sorry for the ramble and hope I was as clear and concise as possible. (And as you can see this whole thing was exhausting to the point that I'm not bothering with any anonymity)

This got a little long so read more below the cut! (Also I'm on mobile so I'm not gonna italics below... because ...work)

I can't imagine the confusion of returning to check out an author you love only to find out they've blocked you. Especially if you aren't sure what happened to cause the block.

So you've asked a question here, but your comments are of a different issue so I wanna answer both

There are so many reasons why a blog might block another. I've seen all sorts of rules posted, so I want to explain some perspectives as to why. --

Don't spam like :: some people get overwhelmed by notifications, others believe it'll lead them to being shadowbanned (this isn't true, idk why people think that), lastly - and in my opinion the most important - likes do nothing for creators. They are nice, but they don't help creators get their work seen

I know you said your working up the courage to reblog and interact, so think about your blog as a little scrapbook that you want to save and look at later. That's what Tumblr is.

Creators need your reblogs or their posts die. That's it, that's how Tumblr works.

Ageless and blank blogs :: these are more comfort level for creators. They are different person to person. Ageless is scary for adult vs minor interactions, and blank blogs are often bots (spam accounts) - so some blogs block all of them

My advice is make your blog your home before you go out into the world..it's your safe space, your happy place, so make it how you want!

DNI/BYF :: DNI (do not interact), BYF (before you follow) are great things to check out when first encountering a blog. It'll outline the rules of the author and it's possible you did something on that list that they didn't like (it can be hard to know, so check for those before interacting)

These are just a few reasons why, and I know it doesn't tell you what happened but maybe it'll bring a little background.

I'll also say that while people are allowed to set their rules, of course, still I'm sorry you were treated the way you were when figuring out why. No wonder your nervous to interact with people. Some of the interactions I've seen are ... Kinda not nice.

You're always welcome here to practice and grow more comfortable! I'm happy to help and encourage you!!

As for your second question, honestly, you just have to go for it!! If you've written something and you love it, you have to rip off the band-aid and post it.

See how it goes and learn from everything around you. I made plenty of mistakes when I first started so ask if you get lost, be open to feedback if you've made an error, and stick to your values ♥️♥️

Check out my pinned post on my blog for some writing blog 101 guides if you want more info!! And reach out if you need something.

Here's another thing, if those blogs are not going to give you a chance, there are others that will and who want you to succeed. Shrine bright firekeeper, you got this 🔥🔥

[n-blanca-archived]

↳ CLASS 1-A HC’S TO MAKE YOU SMILE (hopefully) 

A/N: i’ve been on class-1a brainrot (yes, all of them. collectively) for SO LONG and honestly? I love it here. romance is all good and dandy but FRIENDSHIP? good shit. 

on that note, these pairings are all platonic! just little things i like about their dynamics or things i think they’d do when they hang out :) feel free to see them as romantic though, not like i can stop you :P

p.s sorry for dipping??? for like months???

genre: fluff

warnings: minor situational angst

→ Denki & Izuku

❑ These two boys are the other’s hype-man, totally. Kaminari absolutely does not mind sitting through Izuku’s ravings about the fluctuating hero rankings, or even just the times where Izuku mutters on and on. 

❑ Kaminari’s been ignored enough times to know that it doesn’t feel good at all to want to talk to someone and for them to sheepishly tell you they’d long since stopped listening. Izuku does the same for Denki, no question. Sometimes Denki starts talking, and he doesn’t really...stop. 

❑ But Izuku finds it’s nice to hang out with the boy, and he doesn’t mind not contributing to the conversation when Denki looks so elated to see someone listening for once. 

❑ While I will forever be the number one advocate for Bakugou tutoring Denki and finding different studying strategies that work for Denki instead of giving up on him, I think Izuku’s just as likely to do that for kami! 

❑ It’s a frustrating first session, but once Izuku’s brian suggests that Kami might just need another method of studying, he takes that idea and runs with it. 

❑ The next week, kami goes to Izuku’s room a little afraid of the freckled boy rejecting him- but to his surprise, Izuku presents him with all types of new study methods, including colored index cards and a home-made sentence reader that covered the entire page except for one line at a time.

❑ (yes, he did tear up for a second.) 

❑ They end up going through that week's chapter in half the time it usually took Denki to get a subject, and they got to play video games afterward! 

→ Ochako & Katsuki

❑ While I don't think the boys in 1-A look down on the girls in the sense of "but they're girls so they are weaker :(" all that much- Katsuki was the first and only one really to make that clear. He didn't see her as something or someone to pity. She was an opponent and a damn capable one at that.

❑ So, yes. Maybe Ochako and Katsuki aren't exactly best friends who'd die for each other. But they’ve proven to each other that if there's someone who'll bring their all to a fight no matter the circumstance, it's each other.

❑ Ochako’s weariness when it came to Katsuki was short lived. It was kind of hard to be so...afraid of someone who treated you better than others seemed to coddle her when she told them she was a hero-in-training. 

❑ It starts small, too. At first it was just teaming up occasionally during class for spars. Then it was going to the gym after school with Katsuki and Eijirou. 

❑ Tiny little hang-outs like that then turn into joining the blonde on his morning runs every once in a while, and eventually Ochako found herself seeking out Bakugou every weekend, and the blonde seemed to be on the same mind-track, too. Every Sunday, when Ochako pulled open the front door, she spotted Katsuki, stretching out in the front lawn, waiting for her. 

❑ (and if they occasionally have breakfast together after their bi-weekly sunday training sessions, then that's their business.)

→ Shouto & Eijirou

❑ them hanging out wasn't really ever. Expected. Like, at all.

❑ but kirishima's shown that he has a knack for weird, almost hostile awkward boys with low friend counts

❑ so shouto fits right in

❑ really it starts when Kirishima finds Shouto in the common room, staring into space. Usually he'd leave him be, but it was weird to see the boy without his group of friends joining him

❑ in an effort to get to know shouto better, kiri offers to play a few rounds of super smash bros,,, and shouto just. blinks. at him. And kiri blinked back for a second before he realizes shouto didn't know what super smash bros was

❑ and of course, to kiri, that's absolute blasphemy

❑ so kiri abandons his trip to the kitchen in favor of sitting next to shouto on the couch, and teaching him how to play as many video games as they could fit in one night

❑ (the first time kiri sees shouto laugh, he can't help the way his face splits into a grin. Todoroki, while not mean, was someone who came off as cold most of the time, so to see him so relaxed made Eijirou feel warm.)

❑ somehow it becomes a regular thing-- shouto would come downstairs, and eventually Kirishima would show up. Sometimes they were both alone, sometimes they were surrounded by their friend groups. But every time without fail, Kirishima would take his place next to shouto, hand him the blue controller that he favored, and turned on the TV to select the first game they'd be playing

❑ (watching Shouto start to gain some of Kirishima's vernacular was also an interesting - read:hilarious - experience)

→ Mina & Yuga

❑break dancing buddies

❑ like. I'm not kidding these two have moves.

❑ well. Mina does, at least. Aoyama gets it pretty quickly but it took him a second to familiarize himself with how your body moves when your break dancing.

❑ aoyama's danced ballet most of his life, so dancing wasn't new to him

❑ but this particular type of dancing was new to him- so of course he reached out to mina after the UA festival

❑ mina, ever the angel, agreed!!!!! Dancing buddies!!!

❑ Mina's also loved dance for a good amount of time

❑ it started in middle school, and just carried into highschool. The idea of being to express yourself with your /body/ was exciting, plus you looked really cool while doing it too!

❑ so when she gets asked by Aoyama to teach him how to breakdance she's nervous, but completely giddy to be able to be someone else's intro to a hobby that was a big part of her life

❑ it's not an uncommon sight to see mina and Aoyama, in their workout clothes, working through moves Step by step with Mina's phone blasting some random song that was beat heavy

❑ (Aoyama would be an interesting extra add on to the bakusquad. Am I wrong? No 🚗)

→ Hanta & Tsuyu

❑ Sero never really interacted with tsuyu, not to say he didn't like her! she just wasn't in his social circle

❑ so to say he felt awkward when he found her in the corner of the library during free period- curled up and sniveling away - was an understatement

❑ still, he put down the fourth issue of a manga he was /really/ looking forward to catching up on, and sat next to her until she calmed down enough to tell him what's wrong

❑ turns out, winter always sucked and made her tired, which made her sad. Added on to the already existing amphibian instincts in her that hated loud noises or too many people, it could get really overwhelming for her

❑ Sero offered to let her into his room whever she wanted to hang out in the quiet, if she felt embarrassed to do so with her closer friends

❑ she seemed surprised, but quickly agreed.

❑ Sero wouldn't tell her, but he often felt the same in a sense. The only two people in his friend group who could be relatively quiet in more personal settings were Bakugou, ironically, and Kirishima. So he often found himself leaving group hang-outs just a little early, to destress in his quiet room.

❑ tsuyu hadn't expected him to stay with her, and especially not offer his room to her whenever she needed to get away. Still, she agreed, knowing she'd probably never take him up on his offer

❑ she was proven wrong three days later, when Ochako squealed about...something.

❑ tsuyu couldn't say for sure what the floaty girl was yelling about. Normally she was attentive, really! But her head was throbbing and she was on the verge of falling asleep then and there when Ochako burst into a loud yell of excitement, startling the frog-like girl

❑ so tsuyu gathered her stuff as quickly as her sluggish body allowed, rushed out a quick goodbye to her baffled friends and made her way to the dorms

❑ the elevator was a struggle, with the humming of the machinery almost lulling her to sleep. She made it out successfully, though due to her drowsiness and increasingly blurring vision, she realized just a little too late that she had wandered down the wrong hallway

❑ sero's name plate made her stutter in her tracks, but after a moment of deliberation that left her swaying on her feet, she knocked as strongly as she could on the thin door, hoping the lanky boy was in his room

❑ thankfully, he was, and he only offered her a small smile before ushering her into the room and guiding her to his bed. Tsuyu thinks she croaked out a tiny "thanks", but she couldn't really be sure

❑ she slept better in those 39 minutes than she had in weeks

❑ after that, tsuyu somehow got into the habit of wandering down the opposite hallway once she left the elevator, and most of the time Sero would open his door when she knocked, only giving her a smile before letting her wander to his bed or, more commonly, the pile of blankets and bean bags he had in a corner of his room.

❑ (she wouldn't admit it, and neither would he, but the times where they walked back to his dorm together once their free period began were their favorites. and the days where tsuyu wasn't so sleepy and they talked for the hour they had weren't so bad, either)

okokok i’m cutting it here since that last section was super long! who knew i had so much to say about hanta and tsuyu ,,,, 

anyway! this was super fun, so i’ll definitely be doing stuff like this more in the future. if you have two characters you’d particularly like to see, don’t be afraid to jump into my ask box! 

[matan4il]

So glad 911 and your metas are back!! So I’ve been wondering... it’s usually a conflict of interest for two firefighters in the same house to be involved, right? If Buddie were to become canon, how do you think they would address this issue? Do you think they’d just get put on different shifts? Or would one of them have to transfer to a different house??? It would be kinda bittersweet to finally win buddie only to lose battlefield boyfriends 🥺 Or would the writers just say to hell with authenticity? This has clearly been bugging me a lot haha

Thank you so much, Nonnie! It really makes me happy you enjoy my weekly meta posts. I’m happy 911 and these posts are back, too. *hugs*

As for that conflict of interest... I’m not a firefighter, but I did serve in the army here. IDK that it’s exactly the same, but I can tell you that here, there was only ever an issue with two soldiers dating if one outranked the other while serving in the same unit/base. If one did and they were really keen on dating, then one of the soldiers was expected to put in for a transfer to another unit/base. But if they were of the same rank, there was no issue. I’ve pretty much assumed this would be the case with Eddie and Buck, since they’re of the same rank. Bobby might have a talk with them to put some rules into place, maybe there’d be some HR guidelines too, but I wouldn’t expect anything more than that. I hope this helps put your mind at ease. ;) xoxox

(The rest under a cut)

Hi there! I've been thinking that Chris, Eddie, or Buck are going to be hurt in the last few episodes of the season. New ep made me think it might be Chris. At the accident site, after Bobby says the boy will be taken to the children's hospital, we get a direct shot of Eddie. While brief, it reminded me of the episode where Shannon dies and they framed Eddie in the ambulance window. Also, including Chris at the end...SO wholesome, but it feels like that moment will mean more in coming eps 1/2 

And I know it very well be that Chris isn't hurt and that everything is okay, but I just felt that a lot of things in this ep were intentionally done, setting up for later. ALSO I know some would say that Chris has been through enough & they wouldn't hurt him...Sorry, no. They put this kid in a tsunami right after his mom died. They had Chim almost lose his brother the same night his daughter is born. Anything is possible, & if it isn't Chris who gets hurt, I'm willing to bet it'll be Eddie. 2/2 

OMG, Nonnie! Thank you for the ask, but aaaaah, just the thought of Chris getting hurt... ;_; TBH, I’m very suspicious when it comes to Tim, because twice now he made us believe someone will die and we were trying to guess who, since it seemed pretty clear from his words that someone def will, and it turned out that no one died once the relevant ep aired. I do think someone will be hurt in the season finale, 'coz Tim can’t keep pulling the same trick and not delivering. I know the show has put Chris through a lot, but at the same time, I also don’t think it’s as willing to cause a child (especially one of the firefam kids) actual physical harm, so I tend to think it won’t be Chris. I do think there’s a good chance it will be Eddie and if you saw my 409 meta, I talked about Eddie’s arc for this season. I do think him being the one who gets hurt could fit in with what I suspect they might have in mind for him. So yes... I’m not 100% sure, but I assume there’s a good chance it would be Eddie who’s hurt in the season 4 finale. My runner up is Bobby. But we’re just at the start of 4b, who knows what clues this half of the season might give us... Thank you for the ask, hope this was helpful... xoxox

To the nonnie who sent in an ask with a green heart emoji, I’m glad you liked reading my meta posts! I’d really appreciate it if you could come talk to me in DMs, I have a few follow up questions... xoxox

[imalifegen89]

A Legacy Left Behind - Chapter - 5 - The Gemmond Incident

Rating: Mature

Category: M/M

Fandoms: Stargate Atlantis, Hawaii Five-0 (2010), Stargate SG-1

Relationship: Steve McGarrett/John Sheppard

Characters: John Sheppard, Steve McGarrett, Danny "Danno" Williams, PO Higgins (OC), Kono Kalakaua, Adam Noshimuri, Alicia Vega, Laura Cadman, Bates (Stargate), Original Stargate Wraith Character(s), Original Characters, George Hammond, Jack O'Neill, Catherine Rollins, Evan Lorne

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Swearing, Character Bashing, Not Catherine Rollins Friendly, Violence, BAMF John Sheppard, BAMF Team, No DADT

Summary: Team SG-11 goes on their first off-world mission. It's supposed to be a 'walk in the park,' easing them into the hectic life at the Stargate Command. But things have a way of going off the rails when this particular team is involved. One way or another, they'll prove that they've got what it takes to fulfill their mission.

-o0o-

The first official mission of SG-11, yay!

As always, Salchat, you are the best!!! Thank you so much for all your hard work. I'm improving but I'm still a lot of work for my Beta.

If there are any mistakes, they'd be my own.

Part - 1

Officers Quarters, Pearl Harbor-Hickam Base - Hawaii

The Naval Intelligence Command Analyst, Lieutenant Catharine Rollins, was tired. The 18 hour or so trips from Hawaii to Libya and back were taking a heavy toll and all she wanted to do was go to her quarters, take a long, hot bath, and collapse on her bed for a long, uninterrupted sleep until the next day. Both she and Harrington had been dismissed by Commander Joe White with orders to take the rest of the day off and report for duty the next day when they had returned to the base. Harrington had invited her to go out but she had declined politely, citing jet lag and the need to rest. In her mind, she had been cursing at the damn idiot to stop trying to get attached to her like a freaking limpet and just leave her the hell alone.

She sighed in relief as she finally reached her quarters without having been called away for something or other, despite her being off duty. That had happened a couple of times before and that was part and parcel of her glamorous career as an Intelligence Analyst. She entered her quarters, threw her traveling bag to a corner, and started taking off her sweaty and dusty uniform while fantasizing about a nice, hot, bubble bath. But being just a lowly analyst, she only had a cramped shower in her quarters. 'Ah well, at least it's not like I have to go for a communal shower.' She shuddered at the thought.

Her much-needed long shower turned out to be only fifteen minutes as the hot water got cut off. She sighed and got out, still quite travel weary. Then she found her most comfortable and baggy sweats, an old t-shirt that was a few sizes too big, put them on, and got under the blankets in her bed. She was hoping to catch a few hours of sleep before she had to go out for dinner.

Despite the physical exhaustion, her thoughts turned to the past few hours.

'Why is it that the handsome ones are always either taken or gay?' she asked herself rhetorically.

She had tried her damndest to flirt with the navy SEAL she'd had her eyes on for a while now. But the stupid asshole had been completely oblivious. She had been sure, when they were on their way, in that transport - his loud-mouthed friend had pointed it out clearly to the Commander. But the man had seemed utterly uninterested and even annoyed at his friend. Catharine had been reeling at that response, although she had kept up the pleasant conversation with the idiot, Harrington. Then she had seen the subtle drama between her SEAL and that rather unremarkable pilot. That had given her a clue as to the lack of interest from the guy. She knew she was a very pretty woman and was not quite used to her rather demonstrated feelings going unreciprocated in that manner.

'But he’s got to be bi, hasn't he? So there is still a chance. Claire was pretty sure when she told me that McGarrett used to go out with Anna from the Enterprise during the first year after he got his trident. Pff... I'm a much better catch than that woman, certainly much better than a damn pilot...a plain guy with dumb hair-do, at that...Argh. Besides, fighter pilots don't really have that long life expectancies now, do they? Oh, Steven, you could do so much better, really..' She let her thoughts wander about the latest individual that had caught her attention and his rather ungainly love interests.

She was dragged away from her musings by a certain ringtone on her phone that had only rung twice before. She sprang up in her bed as if she had been electrocuted.

'Shit, shit, shit! I should've anticipated this,' she berated herself, especially after what had happened and where she'd been.

She hurriedly got off the bed, found her personal laptop, and plugged in the special USB/Dongle she had been given about a month ago when she was recruited. She then switched it on, disconnected her internal internet connection to the base, and connected to a different server - a server with an IP address that bounced off several satellites and countries making it impossible to track the connection. She finished running the encryption she had been given along with the USB when a window opened on her screen, indicating an incoming call. She clicked the button to accept, with trepidation.

As usual, a black screen greeted her as the call connected. She had taken steps to protect herself as much as she could and had her camera already covered. She was reasonably sure that whoever was on the other side wouldn't see her either, but she couldn't guarantee it.

"Agent CR-17, this is Zero. We have questions for you," the disembodied and distorted voice coming through the connected call informed her. She grimaced at the 'handle' she'd been given. Then she took a deep breath to clear her mind and remember the details of the past 30 hours.

"Yes, please ask your questions," she replied when she was sure her voice was even and polite.

"You have participated in a certain meeting. Give us the particulars," the voice ordered.

'Well, that's easy enough,' she thought as she mentally listed the main points of the meeting. And then she launched into an account of the meeting that happened at the base between her, Harrington, SGC, and the SEALs, the gathering at the Wheelus Air Base in Libya, the points they discussed there, and the revelations that came to light about the alliance between the Wraith and the Goa'uld agents.

The voice was quiet for a long time before it answered. "Are you quite sure of this, Agent? They have seen our involvement at the Detention facility?"

"Yes, I am. I'd advise you to take precautions if you are going to conduct further operations in this manner. I'm certain they will be able to track your transporter movements. The scientists they have at the SGC seem very competent," she answered truthfully.

"Very well." said the voice, with grim finality.

"Now, this is your next task. Send the personal files of the members of the SEAL team who were involved in this meeting. We need to deal with this before things get out of hand - well - even more out of hand. Do you understand?" the voice asked with emphasis.

Rollins felt sweat running down her spine despite the shower she had just taken only a few minutes ago. Giving them verbal reports once or twice in a while was one thing, but sending highly classified personal files was something else entirely. But she knew that refusing was not an option, not if she wanted to keep her career or her life for that matter.

"Yes, I do." She answered the only way she could.

"Make sure we receive it all by the end of the month. You do not need to send them all at once. Take steps to cover your tracks. But make sure we have what we need by the deadline." The voice cut off abruptly, just the way it always did after it finished giving orders.

She stared at her now empty laptop screen for a few moments, trying to wrap her mind around the conversation she'd just had. Not for the first time, she regretted the circumstances that led her to accept this arrangement. Having a fat retirement fund to return to when she finally took her early retirement from the navy after putting the minimum years in, was a nice feeling. But she certainly couldn't enjoy it from a military prison or an early grave.

She shook her head and switched her laptop off. It was too late to do anything now. She had to concentrate on planning how to get around various security restrictions and get her hands on the files that were requested by her beneficiaries. She needed someone from the Human Resources Administration for this, didn't she? Then she felt a small smile creeping up on her lips - She knew exactly the person she could easily persuade into letting her take a glimpse of such things! Feeling quite satisfied and making further plans for her treasonous mission, she decided she was hungry enough and started to get dressed to go out in search of a proper dinner.

Stargate Command, Cheyenne Mountain - Colorado

Embarkation Room

(Four weeks later)

"I know you said renaissance age, but what does that mean, exactly?" Danny asked as he adjusted the strap of his MP7.

Everyone in SGC was issued FN P90 Personal Defense weapons. But the SEALs were partial to their own submachine guns and other weapons. The first thing they'd done when they began the training, was to raid the armory in the SGC to make sure they had those specific weapons and ammo they needed. The Master Sergeant in charge of the armory had gleefully sent out requests for the Navy to re-supply them with the standard weapons and kits for the Special Operators. The Navy had reluctantly given in, needing to keep up their standards.

"Like you just stepped into a Rome-Egypt hybrid planet in the 14th century," Bates replied with a grimace. He was not a fan of the planet. He had been on one of the Gate teams who had visited the planet before it was reformed by the SG-1. He hadn't been impressed.

"Hey, it's a nice enough planet,” Major Evan Lorne interjected. “Well, they were a bit uptight before, but then SG-1 sorted them out. They are good people now, took on refugees from Nasya and everything. It's safe enough for first-time planet hoppers. Besides, they are having their harvest celebrations this time of the year. Food, drinks, and merry people all around. And we have a standing invitation every year for the party," Lorne had visited the planet two years ago for his first 'travel through the Gate' experience and it had been a blast. He was very much looking forward to an encore.

"So, what do we do there?" This was from Higgins.

"Nothing much. We go and say 'hi' to the leaders, go to a party or two and come back home," answered Cadman. She had heard good stuff from Lorne and was looking forward to the experience as well. It would be nice for once, just to go to a planet and join a celebration, just enjoy the visit other than fighting or running for their lives, for a change.

"Nice," Higgins agreed.

The Stargate Command's newest addition - or the newly re-arranged SG-11, was waiting to go on their first extra-planetary mission. Four weeks had passed since Colonel Sumner initiated the first-ever SGC team combined with the SEALs and the CIA agents. They had all been heavily involved in training for all sorts of scenarios they could think of since then. Their days had been full of weapons, physical, tactics training, going through all available information about galaxy's bad guys, and then a couple of weeks spent in earth's Alpha site for field training. Sheppard and Lorne had had to beam down to Antarctica in between for projects at the Outpost and then visit Peterson Base a few times to keep up their flight qualifications. Altogether, those six weeks had been hectic and they were all looking forward to this outing. Listening to Lorne and everyone else who had already been to planet Gemmond painting a merry picture of their culture, had them all eager for the visit. The Wraith and the Goa'uld had been silent and hadn't made any noteworthy moves so far. They all knew that when they finally did, SG-11 needed to be ready to move. This trip to Gemmond for their harvesting celebrations was sort of a break before they had to go to war, so to speak.

"Dialing the gate now." Sergeant Harriman's voice could be heard over the speakers. He had started the dialing sequence for the planet designated P3X-422, aka Gemmond.

"Chevron One encoded,"

"Chevron Two encoded,"

"Chevron Three encoded,"

"Chevron Four... not encoded."

That was not the usual script during a dial-out. Sheppard exchanged a glance with Steve and turned back to look up at the dialing station. They were all waiting in front of the ramp while Harriman dialed. The day's duty officer-in-charge, an Air Force Colonel called Dixon, was standing behind the station where Harriman was sitting. He was also frowning at the diversion from the norm.

"What's happening, Sergeant?" They could all hear the Colonel asking Harriman over the speakers.

"Sir, the gate is not connecting. It's almost as if someone from that side is already dialing. You know, it's like, we're getting the 'line busy' tone," Sergeant Harriman guessed.

"That doesn't make sense. They know we're visiting them today. They usually like it when we visit," said Colonel Dixon, his frown deepening as he glared at the dialer. Then he looked over the see-through window to stare at the group waiting to go off-world. He grimaced as if SG-11 personally had something to do with the Gate refusing to connect.

Colonel Garry Dixon wasn't a big fan of the newly initiated team. His personal opinion was that the lot of them were too arrogant and cocky for their own good. And he hadn't really tried very hard to keep his opinions to himself. But SG-11 didn't let it bother them. They hardly needed validation from the opinionated Colonel. The man had only earned his stripes just by spending the required years in service without a single active combat tour under his belt. He had somehow landed his position as head of Public Relations for SGC, mostly thanks to his political connections.

"Well, dial again," said Dixon after a pause. The Sergeant did as ordered.

"Nope, still not connecting," Harriman said after the third failed attempt. The fourth Chevron refused to connect and the Stargate stubbornly stayed dormant.

"I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Something's not right," Bates muttered, shaking his head.

Sheppard stared at the Gate, thoughtfully. He could feel it in his mind. The Gate was trying to establish a connection with the input destination. He knew that Walter had guessed correctly; something was blocking the connection from the other side. Moreover, he could feel the Gate trying to force the connection, but not succeeding because something was lacking from SGC's side. It gave John an uneasy, itchy feeling in the back of his mind - like a puzzle piece that's been forced to fit into a place that it didn't quite belong. It gave him an idea.

"Sir, permission to take the Puddle Jumper on this visit?" Sheppard addressed the Colonel.

They had only just found this super-cool, little spacecraft back in Antarctica a week ago, and John had felt like he had been given a gift. He had been on the Chair running a diagnostic on weapons systems when the link had guided him towards one of the storage areas that was recently uncovered to show him the ship. He had finished the routine quickly and taken off towards his prize, with the mental connection in his mind laughing softly at his eagerness. He and Rodney had spent two days going through the ship top to bottom and declared it safe for flights. He had taken the newly named 'Puddle Jumper' (Rodney had insisted on calling it ‘Gateship,’ but John had exercised his veto power as the pilot and put a firm stop to that nonsense) on a few rides and returned with it back to the Mountain at O'Neill's orders. Jack O'Neill had promptly jumped in with Jackson, Carter, and Mitchell in tow, and taken it on a tour to space. He had returned after a few hours with all of them grinning like kids on Christmas, and then given his official stamp to put the Jumper on active service.

"What can you possibly do with the Jumper, Sheppard? We can't dial. The damned line is busy," said the Colonel, starting to lose his patience.

Sheppard mentally rolled his eyes. He knew that Dixon was quite skeptical when it came to believing in Sheppard's affinity for all things Ancient.

"I know that, Sir. But I also know that the Jumper's got a DHD in it, an Alteran designed. As advanced as our dialer is, it's still primitive compared to the real thing,” he replied. “And when there's the real thing, there's a chance that I could do something with it," he put on his most innocent expression and stared expectantly at the Colonel.

John could see Danny openly rolling his eyes and Steve trying hard to hide a snort. Bates was staring stoically ahead, staying away from the officer's spats. Agents Kalakaua and Noshimuri were staring at the Gate serenely, not letting this petty nonsense bother them. Cadman and Higgins were grinning ear to ear, watching the drama unfold. Lorne and Vega were doing the same as Cadman and Higgins, but they were carefully hiding their grins behind blank masks.

"So sure of yourself, Major?" asked Dixon, not bothering to hide his disdain.

It was obvious that he didn't believe for a second that Sheppard could do anything about the situation. The Ring was busy on the other side - there was not a damn thing they could do from this side until it closed, period.

"I don't see any harm in trying," Sheppard drawled with a shrug.

The Colonel looked for a moment like he wanted to refuse. Then he seemed to realize that it would be more fun to let John try and then berate him afterward when he inevitably failed.

"Fine then, knock yourself out. Just don't break the Stargate or the Jumper, Major." Dixon gestured grandly for them to get on with it.

...........

The team reached the next level where the Jumper was parked. The floor of the level had a trap door that could be remotely opened to let the jumper fly vertically down until it came face to face with the Stargate.

They all got themselves situated comfortably inside the craft. Sheppard took the pilot seat with Major Lorne as the co-pilot at his side. Lorne hadn't had the chance to take it out for a spin yet and Sheppard wanted him to familiarize himself with the controls during the flight. Steve and Danny took seats behind them in the cockpit. The rest of the team made themselves at home in the back where there was plenty of space for them and the equipment they carried.

"So, you think you can force a dial-in?" Lorne asked while he watched Sheppard going through the pre-flight.

"I don't know yet, Lorne. It's not like I've tried it before," said Sheppard with a crooked grin, not bothering to look up from what he was doing.

"Well, you sounded awfully sure back there," said Lorne.

"Let's just say, I have a feeling." Then he turned to look at Lorne and give him an impish grin. “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.”

"Ah, Jesus! Please tell me it's not going to be like the time when we were doing that thing in Baghdad... Please! I'm begging you," Danny implored. His eyes had gone wide with what looked like genuine fear.

"Fucking hell, Danny, you had to bring that up," said Steve, trying to hide his fear behind annoyance.

"McGarrett, tell me that is not the case now - cos man, I'm gonna climb outta this tin-can right now." Higgins was already halfway up from his seat and looking furtively at the back door of the Jumper.

"Come on guys, relax. I'm pretty sure I know what I’m doing." Sheppard had finished checking on the flight controls in front of him and was now fiddling with the switches directly above him. He looked completely at ease, in direct contrast to the mounting fear in the atmosphere inside the craft.

"What happened in Baghdad?" Bates piped up from the cargo bay, stoic demeanor forgotten as his curiosity was piqued.

"Don't ask man. Just. Don't..." Higgins was shaking his head from where he was inspecting what looked like an electronic keypad with door controls.

"Oh come on, you can't just say things like that and expect us to let it go. Now you've got us all intrigued and shit," Vega cajoled.

"She's right brah, you gotta spill," Kono seconded. They were all getting increasingly curious as to what could possibly have these badass SEALs shaking in their metaphorical boots.

"Okay, people calm down. If we make it through this mission in one piece, I'll get drunk and tell you all about it - there’s no way in hell I'm going to talk about that shit while I'm sober," Danny promised the group, visibly collecting himself and.

"Stop exaggerating, Williams, it wasn't that bad. Got you all out of there, didn't I?" Sheppard defended himself with a full-blown, mischievous grin. Whatever he'd done, John was enjoying the memory, Lorne could tell.

"I was never the same again, man - none of us were - for a long time," Danny said petulantly. Steve nodded his agreement.

Sheppard finished off his flight checks with a chuckle and gently guided the Jumper above the opening on the floor. The technician outside opened the trap door, obeying Sheppard's signal. The little craft descended smoothly and came to a stop in front of the dormant Stargate, hovering just above the ramp.

..........

Sheppard dialed the address of the planet Gemmond on the Jumper's DHD. He could feel the connection failure even as he dialed due to the disturbance from the planet. He concentrated. He could feel the Jumper in his mind, wanting to co-operate eagerly.

'The Astria Porta is open on the other side. Is it imperative that we gain entrance to this specific planet, at this time?' John knew the inquiries that appeared in his mind were unmistakably Alteran, but he had no difficulty understanding what was being asked.

'Yes,' John thought confidently.

'Please enable the emergency override.' Another smaller, Ancient equivalent of a keypad appeared from the side of the DHD where John's palm was resting. He replaced his palm on the new sub-dialer, thinking 'Override.’

The new keyboard went back inside the DHD and John removed his hand to place it back on flight controls. The DHD started dialing the Gate address by itself and then dialed another sequence at the end. The Stargate in front of them came to life and the Chevrons started locking at double their usual speed. When the seventh and the final Chevron locked, the wormhole burst into life with a swoosh and stabilized with a splat. Then it waited patiently for the Jumper to fly through the gently rippling, blue surface.

The team chuckled, hooted, laughed, and whistled their praises.

John tapped his ear and activated the comms. "Sheppard to Control. Permission to visit Gemmond, Sir." He waited for the 'Go' order from the Colonel.

"Permission granted, Major." They all clearly heard the sour note in the Colonel’s voice, but they refrained from commenting, wanting to get going without any more delays on their first mission as a team.

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Yuvon, I just cannot anymore. He's not our Jake, but what Jessy's implying makes me crazy!!

If I had any way of going there I couldn't promise to hold myself back! Not because I blame her (V fgvyy qb...Your code, Yu...), but because of the thought that a Jake helped and got captured because if this.

In this case I really would understand if MJake wouldn't want to help me anymore

But I'll hold myself back, that's probably the best for this case. I rather help you two, Yuvon and Jake. That means, as much as I can. Btw, Jake, any luck with the deciphering?

I understand what you mean you, it's in our nature to be the concerned ones, hm?

Yeah, actually, I do know about word association. I will do that later on the backside of the letter, I hope that's fine :) Even though I don't know what you and Jake want to figure out with that xD

When I send letters I just put them in the mailbox...Your name on the envelope (which you probably already saw). That's it. They most of the time appear in my mailbox or sometimes just in my flat directly infront of the door.

You want to break fate? Let's go, I'll do what I can to help.

Yes Jake, the thought is rather disturbing. And...to be honest, I didn't tell Jake about it till now. I think I'll do that directly after writing this letter...I just couldn't bring myself to do it till now. I mean, that's not really an apology, but yeah. I'll tell that Jake later. Probably even before I send the letter.

As I already said, no adress. Just sending it with a name. But that could be different from universe to universe (will saying that ever get less weird? Probably not)

Rebirth and change? XD I mean, I don't think it's impossible anymore.

That he's not on the way to be in any TSB danger is enough for me, thanks :)

Lis🐾🔥

[Once again a screenshot is glued to the back]

Once again a message from Jake :) I even read the first part.

Lis now talked to me about the situation with alternative-Jessica. I also understand now, why she was hesitant to tell me. So that's fine now. To be honest, it is quite unsettling. I don't like this thought at all. But in this case it isn't too bad that we now know what could possibly happen.

If you may stop reading now Liska :) You too, Yuvon

And we know what could happen if our pursuers get to us. I imagine, as well as myself, you had some kind of an idea, but this is different I suppose. I am not even quite sure if I would like for this Jessica to tell us more. (And in case you are reading this, I really do not intend any harm to come to Liska.)

But putting that aside, if it wasn't ADHD then I really have no idea what you are talking about, at least not in this moment.

And don't worry, I do not intend to make you a liar. Liskas safety is my first priority, as well as mine. And I know that this probably goes both ways. She wouldn't be able to sleep if anything happened that would give her the slightest chance to feel guilty. And she went through enough, she doesn't need that.

Also, additionally, I like my freedom.

~ Jake

[On an extra piece of paper is more written. It's with the letter in the envelope. Throughout the writing the words become more neat to the end]

I almost forgot, you wanted my associations to the word yellow, here they are:

bee, banana, beach, sun, best friend, past, light, warmth, brightness, safety, familiarity, gold, silver, Aur

Hello, Lis.

Yuvon is, for some reason, taking sheets of paper from the infinite pile and systematically tearing them into small, even shreds. She would not look at me when I attempted to hand her the letter to answer, and told me to answer first. I am not entirely sure what that is about. However, glancing at the rest of the letter, it seems the alternate Jessica said something troubling? Something involving my counterpart in her universe?

No. No luck yet deciphering those papers. It is incredibly vexing. Whoever created this code clearly did not intend it to be read by those without the key.

That is good to know, about the method of sending. Theoretically, your version of Jake may be able to send letters independently, in that case. That would be intriguing to test at some point, though obviously other issues take priority.

I am sure Yuvon will be glad for your help :)

I am not sure Yuvon meant literal rebirth. Symbolism is not my strong suit, but this place is all but made of symbols. It is possible she is planning an equally symbolic action to try to affect this place.

I will attempt to get Yuvon to write her piece, now, before I address Jake. Thank you for completing the word association, by the way, Lis :)

Sincerely,

Jake

(The handwriting changes to Yuvon's. Her lines are more jagged than normal. All down the margins of the letter and in all the remaining space on the front of the page she has repeatedly written in pencil "I have no plan". She attempted to erase it, but she wrote too forcefully to erase it all.)

Lis,

I know, Lis. I know. Trust me, I understand. I'm only barely holding it together, to be honest. I keep imagining

Well. I'm sure you're thinking the same.

I'm not going to spend very long on this letter. I'm a little upset right now, and trying not to think about things. I'll probably hand it back to Jake pretty soon.

I have no idea what you're talking about. I never mentioned those two words. And I don't have any plan, no matter what Jake thinks. I am not planning anything. :O

Goodbye for now.

—Yuvon

(The letter continues on the other side, in Jake's handwriting.) I have returned. I am not sure what Yuvon is getting at, exactly, but I am slightly concerned.

Regardless. Lis, if you would kindly stop reading, I'll address Jake now.

I must admit that while Yuvon was distracted writing her portion of the letter, I read the most recent letter from Jessica. I always had an idea of what might happen were our pursuers to catch up, but having it actually happen to one of our counterparts is a completely different matter. I wonder if this is how Yuvon felt when she read that Lis and Matt had been killed. I hope not.

I do not think the specifics of my diagnosis are entirely necessary to the case, but in the event that it becomes necessary, I will say this much: I cannot stand tags on my clothes. It feels like sandpaper. Similarly, I am very particular about what type of cloth my clothes are made of.

Also, the diagnosis is not treatable with medicine, nor would I care to treat it were I given the chance. It is a part of who I am and has been since birth.

Moving on. Yes, especially now that what is at stake has been made clear, and now that our Detectives are worrying, it is more important than ever to stay several steps before our pursuers at all times. I, naturally, have a significant advantage on that front, and you have a head start. I am not overly concerned about our odds.

I am sure you will leave them in the dust. You are a counterpart to myself, after all ;)

On a final note, Yuvon got the idea to ask Lis to do some word association. The word was "yellow." I am sure you can guess why. Look for yourself; I believe you will find this of interest.

(The note with the word association Lis did is glued to the letter here with sap. Impressively, Jake managed to not make a mess.)

Sincer

What in the name of

I give up. There is no logic in this place. Yuvon just cut a branch off a tree with a single blow with that knife of hers. That should not be physically possible.

—Jake

(The letter tucks itself in the paper clip with the others.)

[silver-wield]

Okay, as requested a few days ago, a Cloud and Aerith analysis. I feel like I've spent a lot of time in chapter 8/9 today lol 

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone’s interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Cloti body language chapter 3 

Cloti healthy disagreement 

Cloti post heliboss battle (chapter 15) 

Clerith playground scene 

Cloti body language plate fall 

Cloud and Barret friendship 

Resolution scene analysis (A) 

Barret character analysis (chapter 13) 

Cloud character analysis (Honey Bee Inn) 

Cloud character analysis (Barret's death) 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recap time!

Okay, our delightful heroine (I will rein in the sarcasm, but Aerith aggs me when Cloud says no and she ignores him. No means no.) and our moody af hero have finally got done with the flowery side quests, kiddos, Rude and the giant hands of crash crash boom oops there's an invisible wall there minigame trip through sector 6 to reach sector 7.

Aerith says “let's take a break.”

Cloud says, “No.”

They take a break anyway.

(I've already done the slide analysis, link above)

Back down from the slide and it's time to go. Aerith opens up the underground link into sector 7 and we're venturing into awkward goodbyes.

So, we're starting with Aerith being chipper and cute with the quips. Standard stuff. It's possible she's feeling regretful they're parting, but I've said plenty of times that of everyone in this, Aerith has the best poker face. There's very few times she lets that mask slip and lets us see what she's really feeling and it's usually in times of intense stress. This isn't stressful, although she was feeling down a few moments ago while talking about Zack, so maybe that'll make her a little easier to read. For now, though, she's fronting like a boss.

Hmm interesting. He's definitely thoughtful here. So, I'm gonna have to put together some possibilities.

He's clearly mellowed his attitude towards her – he was proper stroppy at her house the day before, shouting and so on – so this isn't negative. We could say he started feeling more positive towards her through their interactions over the day or maybe when he saw the whole Rude bit and realised she's not quite what he first thought. Or it might have been when he saw her looking downcast about not high fiving or it could've been their chat on the slide that finally thawed him out towards her.

And Aerith's the same. Her smile falters just a bit and she can't meet his eye. Maybe she knows they have no reason to meet again or that her mother told him not to see her. We don't know for sure, but it's possible, otherwise why is she disappointed? She could expect to see him again. They could make plans. It could be meta!Aerith knowing that Cloud is probably better off not getting to know her.

Eugh dammit. Does anyone know how hard it is to analyse people's motives when you can't see their faces clearly? I bet this was on purpose, thanks Square.

I mean, having to go by the above data I've mentioned, they could both be feeling the same lingering regret intuitively. You know like how you just get the sense how someone's feeling? That.

Their poses are identical, and coupled with the slightly awkward intonation on “so” I'd look at this and say this comes across like a couple of teenagers who kinda like each other and don't know how to take the next step. You know, that kind of immature I have no idea what I'm doing with my life kinda deal. That's not to say it's romantic, especially not from Cloud. He's an awkward introvert. Aerith has no social skills. They're not friends and up until five minutes ago Cloud was annoyed af at her. That'd make for an awkward goodbye.

Aerith laughs, Cloud doesn't, and she moves aside so he can leave. Looks like the moment’s over.

Before going, Cloud turns back to ask if Aerith can get home ok. This looks like polite concern, which I'd expect considering they just came through an area full of monsters, mech and bandits. If Cloud wasn't concerned, I'd call him a douchebag. His eyes widen a little as he speaks, but it's not that same kind of expression he pulls whenever we're suspecting a visit from real!Cloud. This is SOLDIER!Cloud asking. 

(I've said that typically Cloud's eyes go very wide as a hint that his real self is reacting to things, but widening eyes on their own do not indicate real!Cloud. It's something about the way he does it that shows it's not quite right for the SOLDIER persona we usually see. I can't explain it properly, but it's likely something the devs have done to his microexpressions on purpose to differentiate between the two and without knowing exactly what I can't put a pin in it. All I can say is when it looks like real!Cloud is expressing himself and when it isn't because there’s a difference that I’ve picked up on.)

This is flirting. Plain and simple. Head tilted, little smile, crinkling eyes. She's amused and teasing him in a flirtatious manner and her dialogue backs that up, although at the same time the tone she puts it in also sounds quite matter of fact, like she's genuinely asking what if she wasn't ok? That likely does appeal to the protective SOLDIER side of Cloud. He wants to be known as the hero. Still not romantic.

That's what I like to call a shit-fuck-bollocks moment. The realisation he should take her back home and make sure she's safe, but then he's also got to get back to sector 7, and this is all SOLDIER!Cloud's debate. There's no sign of real!Cloud and there's a quick decisive result that he should do the right thing, which is why he says he’ll take her home.

This is nothing like in the honey bee inn later when you see the clear back and forth of his eyes darting around as he argues with real!Cloud about dancing to get Andrea's approval.

And Aerith laughs again because I think she's aware how ridiculous it is that he'll walk her back when he needs to get home. She was teasing the entire time, but it looks like it went over Cloud's head – colour me unsurprised.

I mean, there's no romantic undertone to her expression here. It's genuine amusement and I'd definitely say friendship towards Cloud.

Ah the image that certain people hang their hat on. Let's get this one done.

Aerith says she has a backup route for emergencies that's safer than the one they used. You can hear Cloud start to speak—- ask a question because the sound is a “W” -- then cuts himself off and smiles. That smile is a mix of bemused and amused. 

For anyone who doesn't have a stupidly large vocabulary and thinks those two are the same thing:

Bemused

adjective: puzzled, confused, or bewildered.

Amused

adjective: finding something funny or entertaining.

Cloud's bemused because back at the start of the collapsed expressway he literally asked if there was a better way and she avoided answering. So, he's caught her in a lie and what can he do about it? Nothing. That's why he's all "of course there's a safer route".

And then we're back in control and moving onto the next part of the game.

Conclusion:

Well, they're awkward. Both of them. Cloud is an introvert with mental issues and Aerith has no social skills and a terrible personality flaw in which she bosses everyone around and doesn't listen.

I wouldn't say they're friends, more like comrades. Cloud's still very resistant to her company even after she helps him save Tifa.