#Professor Hojo tries to get published in a peer reviewed journal

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Peer Review (FF7 Fic)

Dear Mr. Hojo,

I would like to thank you for submitting your study, "How Much Mako Before It Croaks?" to the Gaia Journal of Biological Science for publication. I would also like to extend my deepest condolences. I truly hope that your university can swiftly locate your missing classmates soon and I cannot imagine how difficult things must be right now. Unfortunately, I must inform you that we are unable to consider your paper for publication at this time. Though I applaud your ambition I'm afraid there are several issues with your submission that render it ineligible for further peer review.

Firstly, your hypothesis. Or rather, the lack of one. You appear to have simply written "Inject frogs with mako until they explode." Mr. Hojo, this is not a hypothesis. It is a foregone conclusion. Secondly, your sample size is three subjects with no control group. Even if you did have a properly structured hypothesis I very much doubt you could prove or disprove anything with so paltry a sample size. Additionally, although you seem to value, in your words, "beautiful data" you aren't exactly clear about what it is you are measuring, either. You seem to think of "data" as some kind of abstract concept, a magical buzzword far removed from any actual math. An no, marking the number of extra limbs your subjects may have sprouted does not count.

Also, I assure you that sending the last living sample along with your paper was quite unnecessary. Please do think upon the mess involved with shipping such a sample the next time you are tempted to apply and, for all our sakes, reconsider. It was our administrative assistant who had the pleasure of opening your package, as she does with all our mail, and the janitorial staff was quite peeved with us over both the mess made of the box itself and the way she subsequently lost her lunch.

We received several letters of resignation the very next day, hers included. So please, do us a service and keep our hiring budget in mind next time you apply for publication?

Kind regards,

Dr. Stephen P. Wilworth,

Editor for the Gaia Journal of Biological Science

P.S. You could have at least included air holes.

Dear Dr. Hojo,

I confess that I am surprised to hear from you so soon after your last endeavor. Congratulations are certainly in order. Not only have you earned your doctorate, but to earn a position under such an esteemed scientist as Professor Ghast!

As to the matter of your submission, please forgive me. I have read it over and though the methodology is much improved I'm afraid it feels a little, shall we say, incomplete. In fact, I recall running into dear Ghast at a conference naught but a month or two ago and, wouldn't you know, he also mentioned this very same JENOVA specimen outlined in your paper. Although I do find his claims of it being an Ancient dubious at best. He is an excellent researcher but perhaps a bit prone to flights of fancy. Well, there is no shame in having one's hypothesis disproved. That is, after all, the way of science.

Perhaps you could help me with a hypothesis of my own? You see, although I know for a fact that you are working under Professor Ghast on this JENOVA project I do not see his name, nor those of any other collaborators, credited within your paper. Maybe you can guess at the hypothesis I have come up with? But no, surely a newly minted PHD such as yourself wouldn't be so crass. You have a smart head on your shoulders and graduated at the top of your class, so I can only assume that there has been some mistake. Especially since Ghast told me himself that he did not plan to speak much about the project, nor publish anything, for "security reasons."

So, then, let us say that this little mistake never happened, shall we? Far be it for me to cut short such a promising future before it even buds.

Kind regards,

Dr. Stephen P. Wilworth,

Editor for the Gaia Journal of Biological Science

Dear Dr. Hojo,

I found your last letter to be frightfully unprofessional. There was no need to level such insults at myself nor the nighttime pursuits of my dear, departed mother. So you can imagine my surprise when I found a new manila envelope on my desk this morning with your name scrawled on the return address. I honestly thought that you had given up on submitting to our illustrious publication in light of our last few tete-a-tetes.

Let it never be said that I give up easily. No, I girded every milliliter of my resolve and dutifully read through your new masterpiece despite my misgivings. The result?

Sir. These are crimes.

Actual crimes.

I admit that when you first said that you were infusing an foetus in vivo I thought to myself, "Ah, good old Dr. Hojo has returned to his roots! Smashing incompatible things together with the wild abandon of a five year old!" And I was relieved, for at least you were predictable.

It was only when I got to the interview with the mother that I realized you meant that you were experimenting on a human foetus. Apologies for this egregious oversight, for many foeti are difficult to distinguish in the early stages of development. My mistake.

I have directed my staff to contact your employer Mr. Shinra, Professor Ghast, and any and all authorities that they can think of. With luck, this letter will not even reach you as you will already be languishing within the darkest, most hellish cell that Shinra may possess.

Regards,

Dr. Stephen P. Wilworth,

Editor for the Gaia Journal of Biological Science

Dear Dr. Hojo,

How are you? Or rather, how are you not in prison? Did my letters never reach Mr. Shinra, or is the man as ethically bankrupt as yourself? It is strange, though, that I have not heard from Professor Ghast. I know him to be an upstanding man of the finest character.

I have lost another administrative assistant. She took one look at the stains on the butcher paper enclosing your most recent work and quit on the spot. She was, perhaps, the smartest of us here in the office for doing so and I envy her such wisdom. I admit that I cannot turn away from your macabre studies. To do so feels like I would be turning a blind eye to an atrocity.

The photos you included are vile. I have not been able to eat or sleep since I first laid eyes on them. You killed this man, didn't you. But then are the pictures out of order? He begins as a corpse, yet the ones further on show him moving, screaming, twisting. Your paper does not clear this up. It keeps skipping around and appears to be interspersed with what I can only describe as mysanthropic ravings.

I once believed there was a natural justice in this world, you know, but by your hands you have revealed that to be a fiction. Well, I may have no legal authority but I can promise you one thing: your papers will never be published. But don't worry, you will most certainly be known. I will make it my personal mission to ensure that every journal on Gaia knows of your sickness. You will become an exile from the halls of learning, a persona non grata in the eyes of science save as a cautionary tale for med students. We will give you what you want in the worst possible way.

Regards,

Dr. Stephen P. Wilworth,

Editor for the Gaia Journal of Biological Science

Welcome, readers, to the new Shinra Electric Company Journal of Science, formerly the Gaia Journal of Biological Science! Do not worry, although this journal may have a new name you can expect the same caliber of standards as always. Nothing will change in that regard!

All this means is that we have a few more resources at our disposal, which will include not only higher quality content but also a faster publication schedule! Starting now the SECJS will be publishing weekly, not monthly.

We have a very special surprise for you for this first issue. Our very own, newly-appointed Director of Research and Development, Professor Hojo, has graced us with one of his latest studies on mako-stone brain implants in project "SPW." So stay tuned! We think you will find it well worth it.

Dr. Kratus Fine

Editor for the Shinra Electric Company Journal of Science