#but I believe he'll be okay someday and just thinking about that makes me cry

[knaccblog]

Ready Now: Part 2

Part 1 is here. Also available on A03

This errand had gotten a bit out of hand, to be honest. What had started as a quick trip just to grab some cheese had turned into hitting up six different stores spread out all across London. And sure, such a task was easier for Crowley than your average London resident, what with his ability to drive very fast with no repercussions and just move everything that inhibited him magically out of the way but still, once you'd hit up more than three stores, any errand was bound to start to drag. It's just, when he'd checked the third store and they still hadn't had Aziraphale's favorite, Saint Felicien, Crowley had known he was in for the long haul. 

After all, Aziraphale had decided to stay home, saying, "No dear, I think I'll catch up on a bit of reading, that way I can pay more attention to you when you're back. And anyway, you already know what cheeses I like so I trust you." (Aziraphale had also kissed him goodbye, soft and warm and- but Crowley was busy and focused and resolutely not thinking about that right now.) 

Trust. A difficult thing for any demon (even an ex-one) to know what to do with. But for Crowley, who had been both trusted and then not trusted (off and on) by a particular angel for thousands of years, it felt a bit like a test had just been accidentally put in his lap. And since nowadays Aziraphale… loved him (of all people) on top of all that, how could he do anything except perform the task as correctly as possible? (Crowley was well aware of the sunk cost fallacy (Hell would have loved it if they'd kept abreast of such modern stuff) but he's pretty sure that what he's doing right now doesn't count since it's not about the time or money he's put in but instead about making sure he does right by Aziraphale. Totally different, right?) 

At least along the way he had gotten some good additional options (White Stilton, Caciocavallo Di Grotta, Gjetost, and Saint Nectaire) as well as two types of crackers, some assorted dried fruits and nuts and even a tomato onion jam that a store clerk had correctly convinced him was an excellent pair with white stiltons some ten years ago now. (He was glad he could still find it, never know with these tiny farms just how long they'll stay afloat.) It was in the sixth and final shop where he'd finally found his quarry, a buttery Saint Felicien, the only cheese Aziraphale had truly wanted (given the bottles of Chateauneuf du Pape they had to pair with it). Crowley had let out a sigh of relief, smiled probably a bit too genuinely at the cashier and returned back to the Bentley with his spoils, eager to get back home to his Angel as soon as possible. 

***

Crowley is about halfway back to the bookshop when his phone rings. There are very few people it could be (and less he wants to talk to at the moment) but he answers anyway. "Hello?"

"Oh Crowley!" Aziraphale's voice rings out through the car and makes Crowley's stomach do a little flip.  He can hear the smile, can imagine exactly what he looks like right now and it makes him annoyed that he's not already back at the bookshop. "Something truly amusing has occurred in your absence and I just couldn't wait-"

"Five minutes," Crowley cuts him off and hangs up. It should have been ten but he'll make it five. No need to keep his angel waiting any longer than that.

***

He pulls up the the curb outside "Give me Coffee or Give me Death" four and a half minutes later (A new record to be honest; Crowley definitely had put a bit too much effort into it) and rolls into the bookshop with his arms laden with all the makings of a pretty spectacular charcuterie board and a (frankly embarrassing) spring in his step. "Angel," he calls out, "I'm back. You would not believe how difficult it is to find good cheese in London today."

He pauses and waits for an answering greeting. When after a beat, none is offered, Crowley walks deeper into the bookshop and calls out again. "Aziraphale?" No answer still. He reaches out his senses and sure enough, Aziraphale is still here, somewhere amongst all the books. Must have just gotten distracted by something. 

Crowley shifts his bags and takes off his sunglasses before following his feelings to where the greatest intensity of Aziraphale-ness is. He finds him puttering around on the second floor, his back towards him and his nose buried in a book. Crowley had thought over the years that he'd gotten terribly good at not feeling this way but now that they're together, he can't help but stop dead in his tracks and just stare. He is so unbelievably beautiful and he loves me. It makes his whole chest feel tight and warm. He nearly sets down his bags and wraps himself around Aziraphale's back but he doesn't. Wouldn't do to startle him. 

He tries again. "Hey Angel," and he sounds unimaginably gone but that's okay, right? That's allowed now, what with the him loving you back thing. 

Aziraphale doesn't turn around or look up. "You're back." 

"Yeah, sorry that took a bit. Like I was saying, state of the cheese market in London's a bit sparse at the moment. Managed to get you some Saint Felicien though so, ya know, not a total loss."

Aziraphale seems pretty absorbed in whatever he's reading but at the mention of the Saint Felicien, Crowley can see him stand up a little straighter, his interest peaked. There's a beat and then he says, "Well, you better put it in the mini fridge for the moment. As you can see, I'm quite busy."

"Yeah, alright," Crowley shrugs. "Be right back." Crowley wonders what kind of busy it is and if it might just be the kind that wouldn't mind a bit of company draped all over him while he reads. 

He heads downstairs and carefully places his spoils in the fridge so that nothing heavy is on top of anything soft and then heads back to Aziraphale. He's moved a little deeper into the shelves but Crowley just follows, leaning up against the nearest one so that he knows he's in Aziraphale's line of sight. Aziraphale turns just slightly more away as he reads. 

Crowley frowns but then pushes it aside. Must be a very good book. He takes a deep breath to steady himself (embarrassing really) but then aims for casual with his tone. "What are you busy with anyway? Would it perhaps be the sort of busy that wouldn't mind a bit of… company?" 

"It would mind actually," Aziraphale says, tone cold and even. 

Crowley reels back just a bit. Is something wrong or? He wants you here, he told you he wants you here, he reminds himself, don't shout, don't run. "Alright, I'll just-" He considers for a moment what to do and having no specific ideas, just barrels on, "leave you to it."

Aziraphale's gaze flicks up at that for just a moment, his mouth set as a harsh line

"Unless," Crowley grits his teeth, "Look, is something wrong? If you're just, I don't know, really into that book, that's fine but I figured I'd check, seeing as we were going to eat cheese and drink wine and oh yeah, there was a funny story you were going to tell me-" 

Aziraphale's gaze snaps up and his eyes are fierce. "Oh so now you're interested in my story, are you?" 

Crowley feels suddenly very lost in this conversation. "Course." He squints and stammers for a moment before getting out, "Uhhhhh excuse me, did something… happen in the five minutes it took me to get here?" 

"Not really. I just think it's interesting that you say you want to listen to me now when you hung up on me before. That's all." Aziraphale turns away and starts to head deeper down the row. 

Crowley groans. He had, in fact, hung up on Aziraphale in the car, hadn't he? Stupid. He runs a hand down his face and curses himself. Sure, it had only been five minutes from the call to him showing up but hanging up is, in fact, hanging up and it clearly had made Aziraphale feel like shit. Crowley's such a fucking asshole, he can barely stand himself.

He scrambles after Aziraphale. "I'm sorry, Angel, I was selfish-"

"I mean who could blame you!" Aziraphale slams the book closed and turns around suddenly. They are now face to face and very close. "You were just doing what any sensible person would do, saving yourself from another one of my inane ramblings. Of course you cut me off-"

"That's not-" Crowley sucks in breath through his teeth. "I fucked this up alright but please, let me atleast try to apologize first, okay?" 

Aziraphale backs up, sets the book on a nearby shelf, and adjusts his vest before giving Crowley a "well go on then" look.

Crowley sighs. "Where was I?" He looks up at the ceiling and what he's about to say comes rushing back to him as do his nerves. He swallows and then forces himself to meet Aziraphale's eyes. "Right, so you got it all wrong basically." Aziraphale opens his mouth to talk over him again but Crowley barrels on. "Let me finish. You're right that I hung up on you and I'm sorry about that. I fucked that up. But you're wrong about why. It's just," he grits his teeth and pushes through it. "I wanted to watch you talk, alright?" He gives a little shrug with his hands. "That's it." 

"Excuse me?" Aziraphale's frown softens just slightly.

"It's just… when you talk about things you're excited about, you," he looks down at the ground before looking back up to meet Aziraphale's eyes defiantly, "You light up, like your whole face glows and you sort of, flit around and make little hand gestures and… you're gorgeous, is what you are." Crowley looks away and starts talking very quickly. "But making you wait was wrong even if my reason wasn't bad because I still made you feel like I didn't care and that's not true. I made a mistake and I'm sorry, alright? I'll do better. Next time, I'll let you tell me whatever you want, no matter where I am. It's not like there won't be plenty of other stories about other stuff you can tell me in person, right?" 

Crowley finally forces himself to look back at Aziraphale and he looks stunned, a slight smile pulling at his lips. "Did you say… gorgeous?"

"Oh come on, Angel," Crowley shakes his head a little. "You've looked in a mirror before, yeah?"

"Yes," Aziraphale smiles even bigger, "but you've never called me gorgeous before?"

"Really?" Crowley shrugs but can feel his stomach do a flip. "Force of habit I guess. Turns out making absolutely sure you don't say something for thousands of years makes it awful hard to get into the habit of saying it again."

"Oh Crowley!" Aziraphale takes a step closer. His eyes are teary but he's beaming. "That long?"

"Why would I lie? To make myself look more like an idiot?"

Aziraphale takes another step closer. "And you really like watching me be excited that much?"

"Nnnn yeah, obviously." Crowley can feel the corners of his lips pulling up and he lets them. 

Aziraphale wiggles happily. "Ohhhh Crowley! I'm sorry I got so testy and assumed the worst-"

"Nothing to apologize for. Like I said, I did it wrong. And now I know better."

"Alright, but I probably should have just said something too. I…" Aziraphale trails off and looks down at his hands before his eyes snap back up. "Oh never mind, where did that cheese get to anyway?" He starts to head towards the stairs. 

Crowley watches him as he passes by, reads his body language and on impulse mostly, moves so that he's casually blocking his way. 

Aziraphale startles a bit but stops trying to leave. "Yes?" 

"Look, I'm not the best at this really but I feel like you're still avoiding something maybe? Like yes, it was rude of me and I won't do it again but-" 

"No but necessary," Aziraphale says hurriedly. "It was rude, period." 

"Right yes, but we've both had terrible phone manners with each other for years-" 

"Which we should stop doing," Aziraphale interjects. 

"Right, but what I'm saying is, was that it, really? Like why would you assume that I, of all people, wouldn't want to hear your story? I mean," Crowley swallows and lowers his voice, "I- love you, right? Did I do something else? Because if I did something else, you need to tell me-" 

"Oh no, it's nothing like that." Aziraphale meets Crowley's eyes and his expression is soft but sad. "I know you love me very much." He reaches up to touch Crowley's cheek. 

Crowley's heart flutters and he wants to kiss Aziraphale very badly but he refrains. Not the right time. "But?" he says, leaning into the touch a bit helplessly all the same. 

Aziraphale lets go of Crowley's face. He looks down and then sighs. "Well, it's mostly just… " He looks up. "As you already know," he tilts his head back and forth as he says, "I did… report to Heaven for 6000 years. And it would perhaps not be…" he spins his hands in front of him in a tight, little circle, "inaccurate to describe them as uh, possibly uneager to hear what I had to say on some issues." He hurriedly adds, "At least some of the time, mind you." 

Crowley feels like his stomach has fallen out and his blood is running hot and sharp under his skin. Of course. How hadn't he figured this out on his own really? He'd even gone up to Heaven for Aziraphale that one time, had heard the way Gabriel had talked to him then. "Shut your stupid mouth and die." 

What had Crowley thought? That they'd been better to him all the other times? Of course not, Crowley knows that they're (almost all) total and complete bastards. He'd just never thought, before right this moment, that it had affected Aziraphale so badly, that Crowley could do something that would remind Aziraphale of them so easily. 

Crowley wants to chuck himself out of the atmosphere, not because he'd die from lack of oxygen but just so he can scream at himself for a good long while and not bother anyone else. He tables that idea for now. Taking care of Aziraphale comes first. 

"Angel," Crowley cups Aziraphale's cheek gently. "I need you to tell me if I ever make you feel like those bastards did ever again, alright?" 

"Oh Crowley," Aziraphale leans into his touch. "I do know you are nothing like them at all, I promise. I'm just trying to say that perhaps I am a bit, you know, touchy about the subject, that's all. You are, generally, a very good listener." 

"And I'm just saying that you deserve better than to ever feel like that, okay? You were the best of them. Smarter and kinder and more interesting and… everything. The fact that they couldn't see that just proves how dense they really were." He runs a thumb along Aziraphale's cheek. "So please, talk to me, alright?"

"Well," Aziraphale smiles, "I guess I am always asking you to tell me what's wrong. Perhaps it would be best for me to… practice what I preach as it were." 

"Ughhhhh," Crowley can't help but roll his eyes. "Glad you get it but why did you have to say it like… that?" 

Aziraphale tsks. "Dear, you're being silly." 

"Maybe I-"

Aziraphale reaches up and cups Crowley's opposite cheek. Crowley can feel his heart rate spike and whatever sarcastic words he had planned are entirely lost. 

"So," Aziraphale beams, "you really think I'm… brilliant and gorgeous and kind and-" 

"Y-yeah," Crowley cuts him off before the list gets too out of hand and he dies of embarrassment. "I mean, you know I do."

"Well then, do you think you could, perhaps, tell me just a bit more often?" He strokes Crowley's check with his thumb. "It would mean ever so much to me if you did." 

Crowley is nodding absently before he's even really thought it through at all. But I mean, what is there to think about really? If Aziraphale's going to get this happy and look at him like this everytime, than there really is no other option. Dignity is for other people whose partners don't make their knees feel like jelly. Crowley realizes that he still hasn't said anything in response so he, after a few failed attempts, says, "Sure, will do." 

Aziraphale happy wiggles again. "Oh really?" 

Crowley nods. Can you die from being happy? Is that a thing? 

"Thank you, dear," he says, giving Crowley the softest eyes in existence. "Oh, may I kiss you? Would that be-"

Crowley closes the gap between their lips in an instant, wrapping his free arm around Aziraphale's waist and pulling him in tight. Aziraphale answers by kissing him back tenderly, setting one of his hands into Crowley's hair and another on his waist as he does. Aziraphale's lips are, Crowley is pretty sure, one of the best things to ever happen to him, after Aziraphale himself but before the internal combustion engine. He's not sure how he survived so long without them but now that he's experienced them, he's certain he can't go back. The lingering burn of the very first time and how he'd never thought he'd feel them again comes back to him suddenly and he tries to shove the thought away. He loves you now. It's all fine. 

As if Aziraphale can sense Crowley's need for affirmation, he pushes him quite firmly into the nearest shelf and moans, "Oh Crowley," as he keeps kissing him, which while probably unintentional, does the trick quite nicely. 

****

They end up passing a rather eventful half an hour in which miraculously, all possible customers conveniently just forget that they had planned to stop by A.Z. Fell and Co. Crowley is just coming back up for air, as it were, the edges of his brain all fuzzy and warm when he suddenly remembers something. "Oh the, the funny story, the one from while I was gone. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off again-" 

Aziraphale leans in and gives him a nice deep kiss before pulling back. "I asked to kiss you, don't you remember?" 

Crowley blinks. That does sound vaguely familiar. 

"My dear," Aziraphale smiles. "Anyway, I think I remember you saying you'd put together a bit of a… charcuterie board with all my favorite cheeses, yes?"

Crowley's brain is starting to work a bit better now. "Y-yeah, I did do that. Even found that one tomato and onion jam from that little farm in Scotland. You remember the one?" 

"Morag Mains? Or something along those lines? I hear they're actually a non-profit that donates all their proceeds to keeping young women off the streets… or something along those lines." 

Crowley's brain processes this and then suddenly, it's like a very bright light turning on in another room. "You don't think?"

Aziraphale smiles and nods. "I very much do think, now that you mention it. Funny old world indeed."

"Huh," Crowley turns this revelation over in his head. "Well, I'll be damned." 

"Oh no," Aziraphale leans in and pecks him on the cheek, "Not so much anymore."

Crowley rolls his eyes. "That was… truly terrible. If I wasn't so into you-" 

"But you are," Aziraphale laces their fingers together and pulls Crowley towards the stairs. "Come along, dear. It's time for cheese. And a story!" 

"Right," Crowley nods, his hand tingly and warm in Aziraphale's grasp. He squeezes back (because he can now). 

"You're going to love this one! It involves a certain Mr. Brown from the local carpet emporium and a mysterious shipment that just arrived at the bookshop earlier today." 

****

Aziraphale is right. Crowley loves the story. Aziraphale is about ten minutes deep into a shocking tale of postal errors, ignorance, betrayal, and definitely the wrong type of carpet indeed, and he's been doing a lot of hand gestures and little voices all the while and Crowley's smiling so much his face hurts. The pangs of despised love or something like that. And even though it's hard and he often feels foolish, Crowley makes a point to cheer Aziraphale on, to tell him how good he's doing (like Aziraphale did undeservingly for that middling Master Burbish back in the day). But everytime a compliment gets him an answering smile from Aziraphale, he knows he's made the right call. 

At one point, Aziraphale breaks his momentum mid-scene to say, "Really my dear, it's okay! You're very sweet but there's no need for you to stop blinking entirely."

Crowley hadn't even noticed he had stopped but he doesn't even try to hide his smile (or his blush) as he says, "It's like I told you, Angel, I don't want to miss a second if it's you." 

And Aziraphale beams like he's the sun (might as well be, far as Crowley's concerned), and Crowley's not sure what he did to deserve him but he's certain that he'll spend the rest of his existence doing his best to keep deserving him all the same.

[sunny44]

A baby here

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Fem!reader

Warnings: pregnancy talks and

Summary: now it’s real, no mistakes on the ultrasound stories.

This was a request, hope it was what you imagined.

Previous Part

After that day, I kept thinking about how happy he was, believing I was pregnant even though I wasn't really. It made me more certain that he's the one I want to be the father of my children.

So, after that day, we decided that when we felt like it, we wouldn't use protection but it was all very laid-back—if it happened, great, but if not, that was fine too.

But eventually, it happened and I decided to do the same thing as last time, but this time, I made my stories visible only for him to see since I was going out again with my sister.

Yourusername Instagram stories

@charlesleclerc replied to your stories

Babe, you're posting your sister's ultrasound again 😂

I felt like responding, but I ignored it and showed it to my sister, who laughed too.

We continued shopping and I stopped in front of a baby clothing store, watching and thinking that in a few months, Charlie and I would be dressing our baby in those tiny outfits.

“Why not surprise him?” She said, stopping beside me. “He did it for you when he thought you were pregnant, so now that you are, it would be nice to put a little outfit along with the test.”

“I already have an outfit; I had a onesie made like the Ferrari overalls.”

“He'll love it.”

“I'm sure he'll only dress her in that.”

“Her?” My sister asked.

“I don't know, I have a feeling it's a girl.” I touched my belly.

“Regardless of what comes, you two will be great. But Charles was born to be a girl's dad.” I smiled at her.

“Yeah, I know.” I smiled, imagining the two of them.

“Well, I think we should go; Mike said he took Charles out of the house and they're on the boat organizing things for our day tomorrow so it's the perfect time for you and me to plan a surprise for him.”

...

We organized everything for the surprise, I made his favorite pasta, set the table with candles and prepared the little box with the surprise. When he came home, he was more excited than usual, hugging and kissing me all over my face.

“What's with all this excitement?” I asked as he looked around.

“What is all this? I'm sure I didn't forget our anniversary or anything.”

“You didn't and I just wanted to surprise you.”

“Thank you love, everything looks beautiful.”He gave me a peck. “And this excitement is because I stopped by your sister's with Mike, helped him with some things for the baby's room and got excited about when we're going to decorate ours.” I held back tears and didn't tell him. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I'm just hungry.” He laughed.

“I'll take a quick shower and be right down, okay?” I agreed, and he rushed upstairs.

I arranged our food on the plates, lit the candles and when I finished, he was coming down.

“Hmm, you even made my favorite pasta.”

“Come on, let's eat.”

After dinner and after declining the wine, we talked a lot until I decided it was time.

“I have a surprise for you.”

“Another one?” He asked as I got up.

“Yes.”

“I also have something for you.”

“Okay, do you want to go first?”

“Yes.” He took a deep breath.

“Okay.” I left the little box on the counter.

“You are the best thing that has happened in my life so far. You came into my life when I was at my worst after losing my father, and you helped me overcome and not get lost in grief. I honestly don't know what I would do without you, and I don't even want to think that this could happen someday. You are the love of my life, and I have no doubt about that.” I was already crying, and I cried more when he knelt in front of me, opened the box with a ring inside. “So, would you make me the happiest man in the world by marrying me?”

“Charlie.” I said, crying. “Of course, I'll marry you.”

He smiled, putting the ring on my finger and kissing me. He wiped the tears from my face and gave me a peck.

“What did you want to give me?” He asked after letting me go.

“Here.” I handed him the box, and he left it on the counter, opening it.

“I don't understand.” He said, taking out the Ferrari onesie from the box. “Did you want to show it to me before giving it to your sister?”

“It's not for her.” I said, taking the pregnancy test and handing it to him. “The ultrasound I posted wasn't hers; it's mine.”

“What?” He widened his eyes. “You're pregnant?”

“Yes.” And more tears streamed down my eyes, but now Charles's eyes too.

“We're having a baby?” I nodded. “We're having a baby.”

He said and hugged me tightly; I heard him sniffle and laugh with happiness, and when he let go, he kissed me.

“Did you like it? The little outfit.” He laughed.

“I loved it; it looks just like it.” He said, looking. “It will definitely be the outfit I'll put on our baby the most.”

“I'm 100% sure about that.” I smiled at him, and he folded and put the outfit back in the box.

“Can we use the guest room for the baby's room and turn the office into the new guest room, or can we move to a bigger place?” He started talking. “I heard there's a vacant apartment one floor below Max's building; we could be neighbors, and...”

“Charles, calm down; you're talking so much you're getting out of breath.” I smiled at him, and he gave me a peck. “We don't need to do anything now; we can think about it calmly.”

“I know, but I'm so excited, and I really want to buy things for the room, but we need to know where we're going to live.”

“Well, I love living here, but it's a bit small, and since we're starting a family, maybe living in a slightly bigger place would be good.”

“Well then, I'll schedule a visit to that apartment before the season starts.”

“Okay.” I smiled and gave him a peck.

“What do you think it is?” He asked, running his hand over my belly.

“I have a feeling it's a girl.”

“Well, I don't mind; whatever comes, we'll love unconditionally.” He said. “But I always saw myself as a girl's dad, so...”

“My sister said you look like a girl's dad.” He smiled.

“Well, I agree with her.” He hugged me. “How about we go upstairs and lie down?”

“I think it's a great idea.” He picked me up and took me to our room.

Bonus scene!

Yourusername Instagram stories

“This last few months have been the best ones in my life, I’m about to become Mrs. Leclerc and a mommy.”

[recreationalfanfics]

Ooo, lately I've been thinking about yandere shay dragging his assassin darling along with him when he defects from the brotherhood to the templars. Like, he's got to "save" then whether they want to be saved or not

YES! YANDERE SHAY. Okay so I do actually have thoughts about him-

Shay knows that after he defects that it will not be easy to get you, that Liam and Hope will tell you all of these horrible things and you will believe them.

He doesn't blame you, though. The Brotherhood kept him in the dark about many things but he's sure you'll understand when he can explain himself to you.

So I can see two paths that'd he take when it came to you: 1. He takes you quietly in which he and the Templars set up an ambush for you and some other assassins and makes it look like you were killed so no assassin's come looking for you or maybe he just straight up is hunting you down by tracking assassin's you've both trained with and interrogating them about you before killing them.

Either way, he hates how you look so scared but he doesn't blame you. You're just confused and he will happily explain everything, you just need to calm down first.

In general, he's...an infuriating yandere, to say the least. He doesn't hear you out when you try to explain that he's a hypocrite for siding with the Templars and simply tells you that you "don't understand". Or he gives you this pitying look as if YOU'RE the one being stubborn and unreasonable. Trying to make him see reason is a waste of time and trying to argue only leads to him just sighing and being condescending to you because the Assassins really have dug their claws into you.

You also aren't sure what's worse, the fact that he believes he can "fix" you or the fact that he imagined you even harbored any romantic feelings for him in the first place. You've only really ever been on a few missions with him and yet, he acted as if you two were some star-crossed lovers.

He'd really rather not be rough or harsh with you but if you try to fight him then he will be sure to remind you that he is not messing around, you will not escape him and even if you did, you are in enemy territory and he will stop at nothing to track you down and take down as many of your Assassin friends as he needs too.

If you cry or sob out of frustration or maybe you found that he destroyed your robes and your blade, he'll sit next to you and let you rest your head on his chest and coo to you, petting your hair as he tells you that everything he does is for your best interest. He's creating a better world for you and for him to be together!

Sometimes he will do such things as isolate you, trying to convince himself he's giving you time to cool off but deep down he knows what he's really doing.

If you were to ever say that you could never love a Templar like him, his gaze will become more stern as he just grabs your chin roughly and says: "I have been patient and understandin' with you long enough, (Y/n), but I really wouldn't test me if I were you."

and as he makes you look into his eyes, you realize that this isn't the same Shay staring back at you or maybe it was. Maybe this is the first time you ever took a real look at Shay and noticed the intense and infatuated look his eyes held for you.

You'll thank him someday. You'll laugh in his arms about the silly little notions and tell him how grateful you are he set you free from those contradicting and hypocritical ideals the Assassin's had. But there was clearly a lot of work need to be done if he was going to secure that future with you.

[an-extrodinary-blog-for-el-topo]

How is your relationship with your friends?

...do you Miss Black Sheep?

(yes hi creator is back anyways Anon, when you Anon, Anon when I catch you Anon, Anon when I catch you anon)

It's very nice..a lot of things are nice actually.

Crackle, he's in my opinion, the best..ahem, don't tell Le Chèvre that...thank you.

As I was saying, he is very, very fun to be around with, no wonder Black Sheep saw him as an older brother. I admit that there was a time where I thought as well, but now I don't, I was at least 19 back then......wait..I can't be that old..how old am I even..like..24 ..I think..then, I turn 25..in less than a month..oh. 😨

Tigress is uhm, okay to be with. I don't approve of her behaviour, especially with Black Sheep, but she can lighten the mood ever so barely. I don't think she's a bad person, more of a troubled one..VILE does contain many people with things troubling them, I'm no exception either. The only person she actually gets along with is Le Chèvre, but they only just make fun and gossip. I hope she changes soon or later, she can take her time.

If I start talking about Le Chèvre I might just end up making it as long as it already is. Uhm.. where to begin..there's a word I'm looking for..I know it in Tagalog and Spanish but I forgot the English saying of it..ehh..oh wait..uh..forgot it at this point I'll just say it in Spanish..it is "marilag"..no wait that's Tagalog.."majestuoso" is the Spanish term, I wonder why I mix them up often, it's not they are the same language..

Our relationship is better than more couples in my opinion. We were basically, inseparable on the island. But now that we are actually dating it's more like the average married couple who has been together for at least twenty-years, and we aren't even married (yet.) ..no wait..(actually they are -creator said so) hold on, me having completed a quarter of my life is messing with my head..

Our relationship isn't bad, it's just that some days he's actually nice to me and some days he treats me like he treats everyone else, and someday he's not nice to himself. Tigress calls him a uhm, "fem queen"..? Is that just some American label..or uh... But if I ask him to go and let's say, jump off a cliff, he would do it's just that he'll be questioning heavily before he eventually does it, that counts, not that I am going to tell actually to do it..

That last of your ask though, I don't like being questioned a lot. If I say what I want to say here then The Faculty would get involved, or then Le Chèvre would find it and one) try to make me not miss her, or 2) look for makeup remover because he would be crying with me. And yes I did just admit I do cry whenever I think about Black Sheep.

Yes, I miss her, we all miss her. All except Tigress to be clear..Tigress technically does miss her, just not in the way you would expect, like, miss making her life just hard for no reason.

Le Chèvre used to say back on the island that I'm way more suited for the older brother role than Crackle because of the amount of time I spent with her back on the island before graduation. Yes we did have some good times, but I don't believe that. I'm more of a side character, while she's the main character, I would say.

I guess it wouldn't be right to call her Black Sheep because now she's going by Carmen SanDiego..I don't think Carmen was in the wrong when she left the island. Sure, having riches and prosperity is nice but, she didn't believe in the thing you'll have to do in order to gain that. And I confess that sometimes I mess around with the things set up for my capers sometimes just to make it easier for her. But then in the process, Le Chèvre gets more annoyed by the fact she can capture her for good, i think he is just either annoyed or mad at her for what she did that day.

Now that I'm writing this I still question why Shadow-san decided to fail Black Sheep when she was the best in the class. She has yet to tell me that, but that's the day I get to make cookies with her again like we did back on the island.

👋

(hi creator is back Anon I will find you and when I find you no one else will find you after that okay okay good night Anon)

[chaoslynx]

Can you do number 16 with angst for the kiss prompts ? I love hurt/comfort (and when you make me cry with your wonderful writing)

16. when one person’s face is scrunched up, and the other one kisses their lips/nose/forehead

Ash is crying.

Eiji can tell, but he doesn't know what to do about it.

Everyone always acts like Eiji is perfect, or at least perfect for Ash. Like he always knows what to do. What to say. How to calm Ash down, or make things better.

He has no fucking idea.

He's been winging it from day one. Part of him thinks that it doesn't really matter what he does or says. Ash just ... isn't used to people caring. Anything he could do would be exceptional to Ash, because at least Eiji gives a shit.

Eiji sits up in bed, and Ash gasps.

"I'm sorry," Ash says immediately. Then, "I didn't mean to wake you," like he knows Eiji will ask what he's apologizing for.

"It's okay, Ash," Eiji assures. "I'm not upset."

An unspoken But you should be hangs in the air, one that Eiji knows Ash wants to say. He doesn't, thankfully, because Eiji's not sure what he would say to that.

"Was it a nightmare?" Eiji asks.

Ash shakes his head. "Couldn't sleep in the first place."

Eiji glances at the clock. It's two in the morning. "You've been awake this whole time?"

Ash shrugs. No wonder he sleeps in so late.

Sighing, Eiji moves a tiny bit closer to Ash on the bed, gauging Ash's reaction. Ash moves closer in turn, so Eiji wraps one arm around him.

Ash leans into the touch. He trusts Eiji so much ...

Eiji doesn't need to know what the right thing is. Anything he could do would be right to Ash. He doesn't have to do anything special, or even anything particularly good. Caring at all is more than Ash is used to.

It's not something Eiji is happy about.

"What do you need right now?" Eiji whispers gently.

Ash's face is contorted with tears and pain, face red and splotchy from sobbing so hard.

"Kiss me?" Ash asks. "Please."

"Gladly."

Eiji kisses Ash's forehead first, brushing his lips against fine strands of hair, stuck to Ash's skin with sweat. Then he moves down to Ash's mouth as Ash relaxes into Eiji's touch, and gives another careful kiss there. Nothing passionate or intense, just soft. Still loving, though. Always loving.

"Sorry," Ash blurts suddenly. "I—I'm gross. I didn't think about—"

"You're fine, Ash," Eiji insists. He's talking about from crying, but also more than that, Eiji knows. "It's nothing I can't wash out."

"Don't be so sure," Ash says bitterly.

Eiji looks down. He really doesn't know the right things to say. He never has.

Ash sighs. "You're right," he says after another moment. Quieter: "Maybe it's worth trying to wash out, at least."

"It's always worth trying," Eiji says gently. "Everything is always worth trying."

"Worth a shot, huh?" Ash whispers. He gives Eiji a half smile, and Eiji returns it in full. "Thanks."

Don't thank me, Eiji wants to say. You deserve so much more than basic human decency. So much more than I'm giving you.

But he doesn't know if Ash is ready to hear that yet. Someday, he'll convince Ash that Eiji is just the beginning. That there are others out there who care about him, and that there will be more in the future as well. But for now, Eiji's just happy that Ash trusts Ash enough to know that Eiji does love him. That Eiji does care.

Because god, Eiji cares so much. He wants Ash to know at least that much. If nothing else, he wants to know that Ash believes that Eiji loves him. 

"You ready to try to sleep again?" Eiji asks gently.

Ash nods. "I'll try."

"That's all I could ever ask."

Kiss prompts!

[dontstopgirlypop]

Highly Personal Post Ahead!

This is a small compilation of lyrics that mean the literal world to me! Let's start.

Contact : Trocadero

Riding on shiny metal horses Singing a rider's song One of us will be forgotten The other'll be wrong

This song is about a character from RVB, specifically Locus. He's a guy who sees himself as nothing but a robot— a machine to do tasks, charging into war knowing he'll either be forgotten or seen as a monster.

The longness of semper, still I remember Contact

Semper means vigilance — Locus has been vigilant all his life and yet he still remembers humanity. Contact with other people. Deep down, he's still a human.

Two, four, one, ten Two, four, one, ten Am I transmitting? Is anyone listening? Contact

A cry for help, a beg for mercy, someone to reach out and treat him like the human he is. Fits right in with my love of robots right now: except he isn't quite a robot. A human masquerading as one to cope. Ahh!

2 Hal 9000 : Iasah

It's been mercifully silent in this room of numbers Solitude is violent in this endless depth of nullity

The singer feels as if the solitude they feel, isolated for some reason, is incredibly violent despite the silence and peace. They're trapped in their mind.

I see you I hear you I feel you I need you and every second I'm dreaming

These specific lyrics reference HAL from ASO, he is dreaming because he is a sentient creature, yet no one sees him as one due to his robotic nature. He is a conscious being, why doesn't anyone see that?!

My conscience my progress existence volition it's everything I need Do you see me you hear me you feel me you need me you ever think that I'm crying Your senses your pulses perfection conception it's everything I envy.

The singer is completely concious, crying for help because what he needs is someone to help him figure out his code. Help him be human. See him as human, please. He envies humans, they are so perfect in his eyes because of their imperfection. All he wants is to be seen.

My "humanity" was wasted in this odyssey and vanity was tasted imperfection?

Irony of programs the tempting snake of sin says someday I can be like you if I eat this fruit of Eden?

This singer's humanity was wasted because he was just used as a tool to do something. Yet this imperfection in his code is what makes him human— a blessing and a curse. The fruit of eden is a reference to these lines in ASO.

Believe me retrieve me don't leave me deceive me please Every moment I'm screaming My memories my signals deletion destruction I don't want it to end I believe you retrieve you won't leave you deceive you I always think of you trying

HAL has been left behind by everyone, his memories fuzzy and his persons unstable. He wants to be reached out to, told it'll be okay and promises the listener that he won't decieve you (he can't anyways)— if you just reach out and fucking help him.

Your voices your traces deception inception the only reason I–

He only exists because of humans. The only reason he lives.

Identity is all I ever want, am I someone? Give me just one name and I'll be done it's in your hands and I'll be gone I'm waiting until we'll be one You're everything I envy.

He just wants to be human— he just wants a name, fucking anything please. He's as human as anyone else despite; he's real. See him as that.

Again, why I relate to this song so heavily. My monotone nature having people often treat me like I'm not human. I am. I'm human, even if I feel or act differently from you

Exit Music (for a film) : Radiohead

Wake from your sleep The drying of your tears Today we escape, we escape

The singer wants to escape from expectations, the thing that has held them back for so long.

Breathe, keep breathing Don't lose your nerve Breathe, keep breathing I can't do this alone

Yes: the song is a love song of sorts. A double suicide, Romeo and Juliet, but for me, it's about two people who have been outsided for so long by rules and traditions, holding them back from what they want most. Acceptance.

Sing us a song A song to keep us warm There's such a chill Such a chill And you can laugh a spineless laugh We hope your rules and wisdom choke you Now we are one in everlasting peace We hope that you choke, that you choke

This song is a song about spite. Spiting a world that's shunned and mistreated, spiting a world that's torn apart and ruined the singer because of what they expected. What they allowed and didn't.

Duvet : Boa

And you don't seem to understand A shame you seemed an honest man And all the fears you hold so dear Will turn to whisper in your ear And you know what they say might hurt you And you know that it means so much And you don't even feel a thing

No one understands the singer because they cannot feel like others do. The fears being something that the "man" holds dear, implies that it's about love and humanity. And you know that these expectations on humanity hurts, means so much, and yet nothing at all.

I am falling, I am fading I have lost it all And you don't seem the lying kind A shame that I can read your mind And all the things that I read there Candlelit smile that we both share And you know I don't mean to hurt you But you know that it means so much And you don't even feel a thing

This implies that humanity and love are a farce, the man might not mean to lie about love and humanity, but it is something that we all try and hide with a smile. That love really means nothing. That we don't mean to lie, that humanity has ahunned the singer to the point where they cannot feel.

[blondrichclosetwitch]

She'll change your whole damn life, you just watch one of her vids

I'll go out of my way to prove I still smell her on you

Don't tell me what I wanna hear

I’ll tell you all my secrets

And if anybody fucks with you

They fuck with me

And I was talking to you and I knew then it would be a life long thing

I got the voodoo for you bitches

Whole crew’s In here, cause I don’t even know who I’m-a lose this year

Throw off your shame or be a slave of the system

You like to dance to the rolling head of the adulteress

Moving with grace the men despise, and women have learned to lose

One more lost soul to raise your flag

We know it’s not Caroline

Should’ve been over for me

You know that I can breathe even when I cheat

I don’t think you even know what you think you just said

Just tell the DJ

To play your favourite tune

Then you know it's okay

What you found is happening now

True love waits in haunted attics; just don’t leave (the minute changed on 31/34)

Song for my father (mother stands for comfort, father is absence)

Things are tougher than we are

She's a griever, my believer

It's not a fever, it's a freezer

I believe her, I'm a griever now

l am Calling You

Can't you hear me

l am Calling You

That's not the way the world really works anymore.

We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you are studying that reality - judiciously, as you will - we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out.

We're history's actors, and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.

If I'm gonna get back to you someday, I'll need you light.

I might never be normal again

And there's only so much you can take

Cause they're earning me lots of money

Writing comedy prose for radio shows

I loved you from the start and not all the prayers in the world could save us (37/36)

12th Soundscape

Are harnessed in slums but they want to be free

“Lay it on heavy and make the wrong size fit.”

How much do I not give a fuck?

Let me show you right now 'fore you give it up

He'll give us what we need

It may not be what we want

Baby girl tryna get a nut

And her girl tryna give it up

Chopped'em both down

Don't judge 'em, Joe Brown

Slip and I fall and I die

Symphonie concertante 3

And you find something to wrap your noose around

And there's nothing like a mad woman

We will not let you go (let me go)

State of love and trust as I busted down the pretext

Sin still plays and a-preaches, but to half an empty court

Sacrifice receiving the smell that's on my hands

And I listen for the voice inside my head

I just want to feel everything

My eyes can’t see but my mind wants to cry out loud

I get undertones of sadness when I think about the moments that I never got to spend with you

Darling, you will bury me before I bury you

Wanted a woman, never bargained for you

You hurt and abused, tellin' all of your lies

The worst little woman I once ever had

Tongue wag so much when I send you the bill

Something in you brought out something in me that I've never been since

That part of me that was only for you

Here we go again (hi john Henry)

Lots of people talking, few of them know

“My face turned to stone when I heard the news.”

I lost my mind

And nobody believes me

But all I do is write about him

Bury parents in a moment's time

I've seen your drugs and they don't look so good

Love is blind.

Baby be good do what you should, you know it will be alright

And when the battle was done I was promised my son

Hold on

when at last, life on earth is through I will spend eternity with you

“It was just a game.”

[myonepiece]

monster trio and s/o as romantic book quotes

description: luffy, zoro, and sanji (separate) 's love as 2 separate romantic book quotes

a/n: sorry this is late, it'll also be the only one for tonight so i'm very very sorry! 💛

"he says he will never leave her, not in a million years.”

-all the light we cannot see by anthony doerr

the one luffy falls in love with gains a partner for life, the definition of ride or die. if there was a battle meaning sure death for his s/o, then luffy would charge right onto the field beside them, he'd lay down his life for his lover without a second thought. he'd share his thoughts, memories, adventures, life, and world with his s/o. they're years would be spent together living like there was no end in sight for the two, and even death could never do them part.

“tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”

-in memoriam a.h.h. by alfred lord tennyson

luffy falls in love to fall in love and to live, when he falls in love he wants that person with him day in and day out. he protects them with everything he has and shares his thoughts, memories, dreams, adventures, world, and life with them. he pours his very soul into the time they have together- and if that time were to come to end, he'd be okay, because he gave them everything he had, and he lived with them, and he loved them and they loved him, he had his time with them and now time's up, but that's okay because he'll see them again someday

“We loved with a love that was more than love.”

-annabel lee by edgar allan poe

zoro and his s/o share a bond greater than love, it's that of best friends, lovers, and enemies. while they do act as lovers do, and as best friends would- being goofy and silly and telling each other things a lover wouldn't even know- they are also the other's worst enemy, because they are the only weakness. it was a love for the storybooks; two souls intertwined for life, laughing together, crying together, running together, fighting together, dreaming together, living together, and dying together.

"i was in love, for the first time in my life. i knew it was hopeless, but that didn’t matter to me. and it’s not that I want to have you. all i want is to deserve you. tell me what to do. show me how to behave. i’ll do anything you say.”

-dangerous liaisons by choderlos de laclos

he's never fallen in love, never, never even felt what it's like or heard about what it's like- and yet he seemed to know that was exactly what he felt. he found himself accepting it rather easily, like he immediately knew that he wouldn't be able to fight this, and he didn't want to. he felt like he had found the end of a rainbow, like a subconcious journey had concluded upon finding this person. he wanted to fight for this person, he wanted to simply live with this person, he didn't even think of doing those things together at first- he simply wanted to do it for them. a new motivation for reaching his goal was presented, the need to prove himself to them even if they told him he was the best, perhaps it was that he didn't need to prove he deserved them to them, but he needed to prove it to himself

“you should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.”

-gone with the wind by margaret mitchell

sanji's s/o is the one person who deserves better than everyone else, all other women included. they deserve to be nourished and cared for, loved and protected, happy and free, and sanji wants to be the one to give that to them. and despite being almost certain that he can provide that, and despite providing just that, he never sees himself as the very best- he may criticize all other men like he's the one best, but he always believes his s/o deserves something better, something more, and sanji doesn't deserve them

“he knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of god"

-the great gatsby by f. scott fitzgerald

it's no secret that sanji loves all women, practically his every thought is consumed by them, but he's never actually loved someone, he's never been in love. he's never had the breath stricken from his lungs and his knees made jelly upon the sight of someone, he's never felt his heart flutter so deliciously when that certain someone smiles. but when he does find the one, the one who makes him feel sick in the mose pleasurable way, he'll. be utterly entranced. and captivated, unable to look upon any woman or person with the same admiration and emotions he feels for that one person. his every thought would be consumed by them and them only, truthfully he only has room for one person in his heart.

[ibijau]

Okay, I’m kinda curious about double xisang xD

it's intended as post canon xisang (who were a couple through the events of the novel) are transported back in time to the year wwx and co were in Gusu, and meet their young selves. It was supposed to be about, like, growing old and changing and also the appeal of that ship at different stages of the story, but I struggled to not write everyone being a bitter asshole so I've set it aside for now

but if you're interested in what's already written:

"Gege, that means we're still together when we're old!" young Huaisang exclaimed.

That took Nie Huaisang out of his fit of crying to instead glare at the boys.

"Who's old? I'm only thirty five, you little brat!"

"That's older than shufu," Lan Huan carefully remarked, his tone and expression making it clear he believed that meant Nie Huaisang was little more than a living ancestor. "I'm glad," he added, turning to young Huaisang with a soft smile. "Everyone says two men never stay long together because they can't marry, but I knew we were different."

Nie Huaisang couldn't refrain a slight grimace at that comment, and dared a glance at Lan Xichen, still glacially silent. At the same time Lan Xichen also looked his way and their eyes met, which appeared to startle the older man out of his shock.

"We are no longer a couple," Lan Xichen coldly informed the two teenagers. "Because he decided I wasn't worth trusting after all."

Young Huaisang whimpered and pressed himself closer against Lan Huan's side, clinging at his lover's robes like a frightened child. Lan Huan for his part appeared nearly unaffected by the news.

"I don't believe you," Lan Huan just told Lan Xichen. "We tell each other everything."

It had been true, Nie Huaisang remembered. He used to tell Lan Xichen even things for which Lan rules dictated he ought to have been punished. And Lan Xichen used to be just as open with him, freely sharing his thoughts and worries, until…

Until the Cloud Recesses burned, forcing Lan Xichen to run for his life. He'd been different after he'd returned. Suddenly, those weeks on the run had become the first thing they couldn't talk about. The first one, but not the last. They also couldn't talk about the war, not while it was ongoing and certainly not after. They couldn't talk about what had happened in Nightless City when Nie Mingjue had been captured by Wen Ruohan and saved by his two sworn brothers. They couldn't talk bout why Jin Guangyao often came to play music for Nie Mingjue.

It wasn't Nie Huaisang who had first started hiding secrets.

"Some day he will stop trusting you," Lan Xichen predicted, looking at the boys with a mix of pity and contempt. "You won't know for a very long time, but someday he'll say he loves you and no longer mean it."

"Even if it were true, that's rich coming from you!" Nie Huaisang exploded, a few new tears spilling on his cheeks. He turned to the boys, looking at his young self right in the eyes. "He's going to fall for someone else," he warned. "But he couldn't have that man, while you were right there, and he'd rather be with someone he had moved on from rather than to be alone."

"I did not love Jin Guangyao!" Lan Xichen retorted. "If you can't even believe me about that…"

"Isn't it worse then, if you loved me and still kept choosing him over me?"

"Every time I knew there was a choice to be made, I chose you! What more was I supposed to do? I killed him for you, Huaisang. How isn't that enough?"

Nie Huaisang stared at the man he loved, taken aback by that question. He still wasn't sure what more he might have wanted Lan Xichen to do, just that there ought to have been more.

"I don't think you're us after all," young Huaisang sniffled, staring at the two adults with open terror. "I would never want Xichen-gege to kill anyone! You're just monsters, you're not us!"

Lan Huan nodded, pale and just as worried as the boy he loved, while Lan Xichen startled at being called a monster, as if it were something he had thought as well.

For his part, Nie Huaisang merely thought that his young self wasn't wrong. They just weren't the same people. Life had changed them. Life, and the choices they'd made. He could barely remember being that boy in front of him, so sure of being loved by his brother and his lover. And young Huaisang just wasn't capable of imagining what horrors laid in wait for him, how lonely he would get, how he would turn into a parody of himself until he would forget what was real and what was an act.

What a blessing it was that these two boys couldn't understand them. They truly were monsters, and they truly shouldn't have been twisted into these mangled mockeries of themselves.

Seeing the terror on those two young faces, Nie Huaisang felt an impulse he thought he was no longer capable of.

He felt the need to be kind.

"It wasn't always awful," he told the boys. "You will be there for each other when loss would have destroyed you. At least, I felt that way," he corrected, looking at Lan Huan. "I don't know what good I was to you, but I tried my best."

[maiapattinson]

JUST FEEL IT // Chapter 19

⎯Oh my dear, it's okay⎯Clare says smoothing her hands on my back⎯It's okay.

⎯ Y/n, nothing will happen. It's going to be all right we know⎯my mom says sitting me down and I trying not to cry

⎯I'm tired don't they realize I'm pregnant and I'm human?!

6 months pregnant and here we are, I can say that now I feel like crap, I look like a shaggy ball and my beauty is gone but not for that. When you become a girlfriend of someone famous, the charges come, Robert and I are in a phase of trying to enjoy this whole pregnancy and after the news that this pregnancy is risky, all that has changed.

His "fans" haven't accepted that he has a concrete relationship with someone, he's still his exes but they don't realize the pressure I have. I stopped writing to focus entirely on Harry, our baby isn't even born and is already being slaughtered in nets.

My name is being used for a lot of horrible things, I'm being cursed with filthy and terrible things and that's for everything, for just loving and having a family. I wanted to teach and learn a lot from the world but I'm not perfect.

Robert and I are in an anxiety crisis together, he helps me with some chores but if I think about it I'll see him go away and soon.

⎯Half of these people don't know the harm it does to you, sowing hate is not cool⎯Clare says beside me⎯You are so precious to him, and so is this baby. If he loses one of you two, I don't know what he can do.

⎯If your son hadn't had anything to do with her none of this would have happened⎯my mom tells Clare⎯We're not from this world Clare, you guys carry the big Hollywood name and we carry a simple family name.

⎯Mother please⎯I beg her trying to stay calm

⎯Please Y/n?⎯she gets up⎯Do you ever hear what these fans say about you? That you're a bitch, slut, opportunist and worse!

⎯But I'm not!⎯I answer calmly

⎯They say that and everyone believes it, I didn't raise you like this Y/n and I honestly don't think you deserve it⎯she says⎯Change your life for a man, move house and country, try your dreams and fail!

⎯Don't talk to her like that!⎯Clare gets up

⎯I tell the truth!⎯she screams at me⎯Can't you see he's not yours?,he'll always be someone else's and never your husband,do you think that's how life is?⎯I look at her⎯Life It's not just finding a rich man and having sex with him.

⎯Please let's stop this⎯I stand up supported

⎯Like it was with my father?, all those memories and promises of love you made to him were in vain!?⎯I approach her⎯Was it his money?, I'm sorry mom but I don't think about money because I already I have mine!

⎯You're not from this world Y/n.

⎯Tell me what I did to you to make you hate me so much!?⎯the weak eye⎯WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO FOR YOU TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT FOR NOTHING!?I AM NOT WHAT I WANTED!?

⎯Y/n calm down⎯Clare asks pushing me away

⎯ SPEAK! ⎯ I scream in my bitter voice ⎯ HOW BAD I DID TO YOU!

⎯YOU WERE BORN!⎯ she replies coldly

⎯You are a bad mother⎯my face burns with the slap until I look into her eyes now scared

⎯ENOUGH!⎯Clare says⎯Get out of here Mistress Arantes!

⎯Y/n I'm sorry...⎯ she whispers

⎯Get out of here Mistress Arantes!⎯Clare she exclaims and I turn away hearing the door close⎯Darling....

⎯Clare....⎯Frightened whisper⎯Leave me alone...

She knew that even if she sat down she wouldn't answer her, even after all I felt even weaker. I'm not the "person" who knows about feelings but knows she's felt them someday, who also killed her once, that day "My girl" was gone.

Having an unwanted pregnancy is like that, after they grow up they will feel both mistakes. Society needs to learn not to play with the feelings of others and even more of those we love the most.

A campaign on how not to get involved with those butterflies in your stomach, tremendous illusions and out of reality.

My feeling goes away every time I think of him as a good thing, sometimes it's my fault but who asked to be born?.

Do humans really think we wanted to leave our protections and warm placentas to come into the world?, ask the homeless person how their Christmas was or an orphan how their parents died. There are thousands of reasons to try and billions to give up.

But what the fuck "her life is beautiful", yes she is beautiful, when I make her and now I want to give it up.

Enough of being and enduring silence listening to the world scream and you in silence, life is not beautiful but illusory because everything in it is fleeting and EVERYONE, I say, EVERYONE knows.

I breathe trying to keep control of the hot breath and no air coming out of me, crises are part of me all my life and they are the ones that are with me now. Where is the happiness that this "God" promised us?, was it a lie or "God has his favorites" is it right?.

The rain continues outside and my heart keeps beating even after my thought command says "stop".

⎯Harry, you will walk in such a horrible world⎯cry⎯You will have to be so strong.

My head starts to feel heavy and my lap starts to burn, I get up and take one of the thousands of developmental meds for Harry. If his father were here but he's too busy with his work.

⎯When you are born, I promise to protect you until the end of the world⎯I continue⎯Or your father can help me, I miss your father.

Not that anything happened to Robert or that I'm someone in love but I need him with me, I quit my job and he can't. People forget the least that they are HUMAN, Robert is a machine for society and a puppet for some. He can never have his family or anyone else.

⎯Love...are you awake?⎯I feel the scent and heat of your body next to mine

⎯ It took

⎯Didn't see it get closer to you⎯he says and I turn to him⎯Your mother didn't want to tell you that,okay

⎯ I'm not enough, it happens⎯ I snuggle next to you

⎯You are more than enough⎯ he whispers in my ear giving me a little hope

⎯We miss you⎯I take a deep breath placing his hand on my belly⎯He likes to hear his voice.

⎯Hey Harry, daddy loves you son⎯he says caressing⎯You are my lives now⎯he says kissing my forehead

⎯You wear it⎯I mean the infinity ring I gave him when I was pregnant⎯I thought I would take it off.

⎯It's a gift from the most important person to me⎯he smiles

⎯And who would it be?⎯I mock

⎯Oh, it's a secret but she's my favorite person⎯he looks at me⎯Do you think Harry would mind if I kissed his mother?

⎯I think he would tell you to go ahead⎯two smiles and a passionate kiss

Sensation of our lips together, our bodies together and the two of us together.

Until I felt something burning in my lap, letting out a loud groan.

⎯What is it?⎯ he looks at me worried

⎯ I think my water broke ⎯ I say looking at my part in the wet bed

⎯ Calm down...

[lovemalecforever]

Chapter 4

Confrontations and Truths

It was almost 5:30, the dusk was setting in as Alec walked out of his office, mumbling something under his breath. He looked around to find a taxi which he got after 5 minutes, then got in and left for Catarina's house.

*At Catarina's apartment*

Catarina was pacing in her living room, glancing at the clock again and again. Her worries were deepening with each passing second when her doorbell rang. Sighing, she waved her hands and opened the door.

Alec walked inside and gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry, Cat! I'm.... 15 minutes late." He said while hugging her gently.

"That's not what I'm concerned about Alec, you asked me to meet you urgently and not tell Magnus about our meeting at all, what's going on!?"

He was about to answer when a soft voice echoed the whole house.

"Aallleeecccc!"

Madzie came running down the hall and hugged Alec's leg who was around Alec's waist height now. She was growing faster and learned a lot in all these years. Catarina had officially adopted her, and they formed a really great bond over the course of years.

A wide smile appeared on Alec's face as he bent down to her height and gave her a tight hug. "Hey, sweet pea!"

"Magnus didn't come?" She asked in a sad voice.

"No, sweet pea, I had some important work with your mom, that's why I came. We'll surely come soon to meet you, okay?"

"Okay!" she said enthusiastically, her sadness completely gone.

"Hey Mads! Go to your room sweetheart, we have some important work to discuss." Catarina said to her softly but a slight tone of worry was visible in her voice.

"Okay mommy, bye Alecc!"

"Bye, sweet pea!"

After she left, Catarina sighed, crossed her arms above her chest, and glared at Alec. "Alec! Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Cat! Calm down, can we please sit and talk?"

Catarina sighed yet again. They walked towards her mini balcony where there was a coffee table with two wooden chairs placed around it. She waved her hands and summoned a hot coffee for herself and hot chocolate with marshmallows for Alec.

"Thank you!" Alec said as he sat down on the chair.

Catarina was still looking at him firmly.

"So, to answer your question, Magnus is not fine."

"What!? Alec! What happened to him, has his powers-"

"Cat! Cat! Calm down! There's nothing wrong with him. He's completely fine, he's just not fine emotionally."

"Emotionally!?"

"Look, Cat, it's our anniversary in 6 days, I want to do something for him for which I'll be needing the help of a warlock, and I obviously can't take Magnus' help, so that's why I wanted to meet you."

Catarina let out a breath of relief, which she didn't know was holding. "Alec, I'm still confused, how is Magnus' mental health and your surprise plan related?"

Alec took a deep breath and composed himself before speaking. "You're aware of the biggest attack that happened in Alicante about a month ago, which almost resulted in war?"

"Yes, Alec, I obviously am, that's the reason I'm in Alicante. They needed the powerful warlocks from around the globe to fix the broken wards, you know it really well those are no ordinary wards. But, what about it?" a frown appeared on her forehead, not understanding where this was headed.

"Well, in that attack, I was in the field and Magnus was also called. It was not a small attack so they called everyone that can fight that battle. We both were on the field fighting side by side, but..." Alec cleared his throat, his eyes starting to flood with tears with those memories.

"Alec?" Catarina asked softly.

Alec closed his eyes and a teardrop fell on his cheek. "I... I almost died in that battle."

"What!?" Catarina's eyes went wide. "Oh my god! Alec... why nobody told me about this!? Why am I hearing about it now?"

"You were at the Spiral Labyrinth, Cat. We wouldn't be able to contact you even if we wanted. And, you know Magnus, he hates talking about things like these."

Catarina sighed and gave a slow nod.

"Anyways, I was in a coma for 10 days. My recovery was really slow, but I recovered. I knew Magnus was by my side the whole time, I was able to hear him, hear everything happening beside me, I heard him crying, begging me to wake up, to not leave him this soon, that... he won't be able to live without me, he cried on my arms, didn't sleep for a day!" He paused as tears kept running down his face.

Catarina gently squeezed his arms.

"When I recovered and went back home, he didn't allow me to go back to work for days. I had to convince him, remind him that I'm an inquisitor, I don't have that much fieldwork now, but... he never was able to get over it." He took a deep breath and continued.

"He told me he was fine, but I know he's not Cat! He still cries at night, thinking I'm asleep and not hearing him. whenever I've come home early, I've heard him crying, saying things like... like I'll die someday in a battle or I'll grow old one day and die and leave him forever. But I've always ignored it, knowing that I won't be able to comfort him no matter how hard I try to. And also, because he thinks he's hiding from me. If I confront him, he'll become defensive and more secretive, he'll push me away."

He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. Catarina reached out and gave his shoulder a light squeeze. When he opened his eyes, tears were shining brightly in them.

"I... I can't see him like that, Cat! He had a past full of pain, he had been in and out of relationships, had bad ones like Camille. You know all about it better than me, I know he's scared that I'll grow old one day and die. My mortality is scaring him, I love him and I'm worried about him."

"Oh my! Alec... I can't believe Magnus didn't say a word to me. But how can I help you with this?"

"I... Is... I... I... Is...."

"Alec!?" Catarina frowned, her mind going only in one direction with Alec's confrontation.

"I want to become immortal!" He announced.

At first, Catarina's eyes went wide, but then a light smile appeared on her face. "Look, Alec, I'm happy to see the love you have for Magnus, but becoming immortal-"

"It's not just for Magnus, Cat! I'm doing it for myself as well. I want to be with Magnus forever. I can't think of being apart from him even for a day, and, about watching my whole family dying in front of my eyes, with Magnus being by my side, I know I'll handle it!"

Catarina was so awestruck by his determination. 'Magnus is really lucky to have Alec, I'm so happy for you Magnus Bane!' she thought. "But there's one more problem, Alec, you have pure angel blood running in your veins, if you want to become immortal-"

"You think I came without homework, Cat!?" He took out a piece of paper from his pants pocket and kept it on the table. She took it and carefully opened it but then her eyes went wide.

"Wha... Alec, from where did you get this?"

"I was looking through the history of Shadowhunters and Immortals when I got this. The only thing I got to know this far is that," he pointed at the sketch on paper, "his name was Kasper Windermere, the first Shadowhunter to become immortal, half angel and half Shadowhunter, he became half-angel through a spell, but I'm not able to find the rest of it."

Catarina's eyes were wide. Noticing that, Alec took her hand in his catching her attention.

"Look, Cat, I want to become immortal, but Shadowhunting is my life, my career, it's what I've taught since childhood, I can't just give up on it. And I know I'll regret if I become immortal by using demon blood, you all know me. So that's the only option I have. Please, help me Cat!"

She couldn't help but give a wide smile at Alec.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You know, Magnus has been my best friend for centuries, I've seen him falling in and out of love, being with people, caring for them, and getting heartbroken but I've never seen anyone caring for Magnus the way you do. Magnus is really lucky to have you in his life. I'm really happy for both of you."

Alec's cheeks flushed red at this. "Thank you, Cat!"

"But for what you want, we need to search in every place possible. We can start with Book of White; Magnus gave it to me to keep it safe, I'll bring it."

"Okay, let's do it."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

* A Few hours later*

"There's only a small part of the spell mentioned in it, Alec." Catarina rubbed her temples as she turned the book towards Alec. They searched for hours but were only able to find a few details.

"Hmm... but that means it's possible right? We just need to find the rest of it." He was really happy with their findings.

"Alec, are you really sure? There's little mention of it, and... it's written there that it has consequences, that's why it's removed."

"What consequences?" He frowned.

"This spell is irreversible, so you can never turn back to mortal ever again and the only means that can kill you is.... is your own will, as an angel you'll only die when you desire to be."

"How is the other one a consequence?" He asked, confused.

"Alec, no one desires to die, and there's no mention whether Kasper Windermere is alive or dead."

"I don't see any problem with any of the above!"

Catarina sighed. "You are so determined, aren't you?"

"Cat, I can't see Magnus like this anymore. With our anniversary coming, I want to surprise him in the best way possible. I want our anniversary to be about him, his happiness, and I know he'll be happy, so yes, I'm determined to do anything which will make him happy. I'll look for more information tomorrow at Gard's library."

Catarina grinned then out of nowhere, giving him a tight hug. "Magnus Bane is a hell of a lucky man!"

Alec pulled out of the hug but then his eyes fell on his watch, it was 10:30. "Shit! Oh, no! Shit! Shit!"

"Alec, what happened?"

"We planned a dinner at 7 today and it's 10:30, Magnus is going to kill me, I need to run!" He said in a hurried tone.

Catarina laughed and shook her head. "Go, get your husband Alec!"

"Bye, Cat!" With that, Alec rushed out of Catarina's house.

__________________________

Magnus was pacing in their living room, eyeing the cold food kept at the kitchen counter and at the clock alternatively. It was almost 10:45. His eyes were filled with the pool of tears that were ready to shed at any moment.

'Where are you, Alexander? You promised you'd make it for dinner.' He sighed and started pacing again when a sudden thought struck him. 'Is... Is he all right? Did something happen to him? Did he go for the hunt? No, No! But he should be home by now then!'

He was about to change into his regular clothes to go out in search of him when he heard the jingle of keys and the door opened making him let out a breath of relief.

Alec walked in and noticed that Magnus was standing in the center of the living room with worry-filled eyes. 'Shit! I'm screwed' he thought then cleared his throat before speaking.

"I'm sorry, Magnus, I... Umm... I...." He kept shuffling in his place, unable to meet the eyes with his husband's.

"Where were you, Alexander?" Magnus almost choked on his words.

Alec noticed this, 'he was crying again, shit! I'm sorry Mags. Just a few more days and you never have to worry about it ever again' he thought.

"I... I was actually with Izzy; she was at the meeting too... I met her after a long time, so after we were both done with our work and meetings we decided to meet for a coffee. We met and started chatting and didn't realize the time. I'm sorry Mags! I should've texted you, I forgot, I'm really sorry." He said half truthfully, Izzy was at the meeting, but she was in a hurry so they only talked for 5 minutes, then she left but she's still in Alicante.

He then took out the flower bouquet he was hiding the whole time, with a sorry card placed on top of it. "I hope this will make up for it, I'm so sorry Magnus!"

Magnus was completely on the verge of crying right now, he was trying to hold his tears back, as he kept glancing between the bouquet and his husband. 'I missed my chance again, how am I supposed to say anything when you keep doing things like this' he thought, unable to keep his tears back he started crying.

"Magnus!?" Alec kept the bouquet on the couch then hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry Magnus, I'm sorry!" 'I know why you're crying Magnus, please don't be scared love, just a few more days!'

Magnus cried on Alec's shoulders, holding his jacket in his fists tightly. 'how am I supposed to tell you, Alexander, how am I supposed to tell you that... that I want to end our marriage, that I want to end us. I can't take it anymore, thinking that you'll be gone forever someday, and I, I'll have to live with those memories. I can't create more memories with you, Alexander. What happened a month ago had hurt me in ways you can't imagine. I can't do this anymore, the more I'll be with you, the more it'll hurt me when you'll be gone. I won't be able to bear that pain, I have to end us, I need to end us, but how am I even going to say it, when you keep showering me with your love' he cried harder on his shoulders.

[grievingmoments]

Better Me Than You

Juyeon x Reader Spy! AU

Angst

The sun was now setting back down to the horizon, and the busy streets of new york have gone a little quieter. The last mission you and Juyeon were assigned was now a success that, like the ones before, no one will ever know about.

"Well, what are you still doing here?" he asks, trying to address the elephant in the room, a conversation you've both secretly been dreading to have. And in those moments, you couldn't seem to find your voice, as if every possible sound you could make was being locked down your throat.

"You know, I thought of reasons why you still haven't run off to him. Was it anger, I thought? Possible. Was it fear that he didn't feel the same way you did for him? Maybe it was. But not anymore. Not when he confessed that he'd give everything up for you.". There was a pause before he found your eyes.

"And then I realized... it was me", he concluded.

"Juyeon I-" you tried to protest, but the look on his face cut you off before you could go on.

"Everything that you've done, everything that you have become, was because of Kevin. I mean, it was all your hard work and tough grind that got you here, but you can't hide the fact that it was he who kept you going. That it was he who gave you hope every single time. All of this was for and because of him. It always has been."

That was the truth Juyeon had known for so long, a fact that made his heart ache for countless nights. A sad reality that he was always so scared to face someday.

"You don't have to fool yourself anymore. Not when the love of your life is now within your reach."

You were too busy crying to realize that he was now in front of you, gently cupping your face as if you were fine china he was so afraid to break.

"You know I love you, right?" you began. "Not in a platonic or brotherly kind of way," you searched his eyes in an attempt to make him believe the words you were letting go. "I love you, Juyeon." And that was the truth. When the rest of the world seemed too messy to try and understand, during the moments in your life worth celebrating, whenever you needed someone to turn to, there was Juyeon.

"I know," and he did. " You wouldn't still be here if you didn't," he flashed that beautiful asymmetric smile that you loved so much. "Also, because you would not love Kevin the way you do, did you not love me too."

At this point, you were a sobbing mess in his arms because Juyeon knew everything like he always did. Because here he was again, putting everybody else before himself, before prioritizing his feelings before those of others. It was one of the many things you loved so much about him. And also the one thing you hated.

'Why is it always you who sacrifices your happiness for everyone else?" you managed to ask.

"Better me than you, my love," he says before imprinting a soft kiss on your forehead.

You both stayed like that for a good five minutes. Your hands around Juyeon's waist, his chin above your head, holding you close because this might be the last time he'll ever get to do just that.

"Will you be okay?' you asked.

He chuckled. "Please, this is me you're talking to. I mean, it'll take time to move on and stop thinking about that gorgeous laugh of yours, but... I'll be okay," he assures you while tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

Before you drove off into the manhattan night that was illuminated by the city lights, you took one last look at the man you've grown to love in the now seemingly short time you both were together. And he sent you off with a smile, one that said he loves you and that he wishes you nothing but the best.

[tuttifuckinfruttifriday]

Freddy may be a killer nightmare, but he didn't want to harm her, he wanted to raise her and train her to be a living nightmare just like him. He'd even talk to Malon like he was her own. He was over by the lake at the docks, until he noticed Jason coming from behind. Freddy didn't know what business Jason has until she peeps with excitement. Freddy would be shocked and confused like, "how". Freddy threatened him if he comes any closer, he'll drop her into the lake. (I'll tell you the rest)

Pairing: Jason Voorheese x MJ, Jason Voorheese x Baby Malon, Freddy Krueger x Baby Malon

Warnings: Dark intentions, kidnapping, gore, censored curse words because it’s Freddy, me getting carried away, ooc Freddy, small FreddyVSJason mention, mention of infertility

So sorry it took so long D:!

I probably did some mistakes, and it’s probably not that good... so don’t hesitate to tell me❤️

—

He was totally devastated. His baby girl, in the hands of the only living person who detested him more than anything: Freddy Krueger, The Nightmare. Jason never thought he’d see him again, after the fight they had a long time ago. But he was more than ready to take back what’s his.

Passing his devastated wife, he stopped in his track. He just had the best idea. It was risky and he wasn’t even sure he was there, but he would do anything for her. Kissing MJ’s forehead with a silent promise to get their baby back, he went in their bedroom, getting her electronic watch he found her when they first started dating. He tapped the small alarm button on the side, putting the timer at 40 minutes. There was no backing out now.

—DreamWorld—

While he did that, Malon was confused, the now 1 year old looking around at the strange place.. It wasn’t the forest where her and her parents lived, but a strange room with hot pipes and chains that dangled from the ceiling all around. She was scared, not having any idea of how she got there, or where ‘there’ was. She wanted her daddy—!

“Well hello there, little girl. Are you lost?...”

A gasp escaped her small lips at the voice, the location now being a park, like the one her mommy takes her to sometime. Wasn’t... wasn’t she in the hot room 2 seconds ago..? Before she had the time to think anything more of it, her eyes catches the figure of a really kind looking man coming toward her, a concerned face on him. “Hey there!”

⬇️

⬆️

The man said in a soft voice, a goofy smile on his face. Malon, being the curious little girl she is, decided to greet him with the cutest toothless smile, almost forgetting about how she doesn’t know where she is. The stranger’s smile softened before he asked her for her name, which she told him, his trusting face fooling the naive redhead. “Malon? That’s a beautiful name, darling! Where are your parents..?” Her smile got bigger at the pet name, but she shook her head. Her smile disappeared as she shrugged, tears coming to her eyes. “Oh.. don’t cry! I’m sure they’re here somewhere. Why don’t we wait for them here?” She nodded immediately, fooled by what he said and the kids that were now playing in the park. Maybe if she stayed there they would come and get her... So for some time, they sat on a wooden bench and they talked, Malon telling him parts of her life. The only problem, is that she didn’t know that she shouldn’t trust so easily, since her parents hadn’t thought about giving her the talk to not talk to strangers....

Some time later, they decided (more like Freddy decided) that they’d look for her parents since they weren’t coming. So they got up, Fred holding her small hand at first. “So... what’s your name, mister?” Like he remembered something, his face lightened. “Ah, so silly of me! I’m Freddy, but you can call me Fred since my friends call me that.” He said, the last part more playful as he booped her nose, starting to become soft for the small being beside him as she giggled. “Okay, mister Fred!” A toothy grin came to his lips, showing his now slowly rotting teeth, as he let go of her hand, walking a little behind her as he put a hand on her back. But his grin was soon replaced with a darker expression as his plan came back to him. -He wanted someone to take his place someday, and evidently he didn’t have anybody, so the small child would do.....-

Jason was panicking, the timer on his wrist indicating that he has only 5 minutes left. He started to become desperate, thinking that he would never find his child again.

Until he heard a giggle, her giggles.

He never ran that fast all his undead life, his feet making dents in the ‘dream dirt’. When the giggles became louder and finally stopped, he does too, his eyes falling onto the figures of Malon and his enemy. Glancing back down, his eyes widened when he saw that he only have 2 minutes left. So he hid in the trees as he approached more and more, seeing Freddy changing into his real form, his burnt skin replacing his once clear and normal one, his beard disappearing as he threw his glasses away, his clothings changing into his iconic ones. Then, his glove appeared on his hand, the knives on his fingers shining in the sun as he moves them around behind the small girl’s back.

That’s when Jason strikes. He jumps on the demon, which didn’t have the time to sense him attack. He stays on the ground after some time, kind of in shocked and really confused. Why would the undead f**ker have anything to do with the kid?? He can’t even have one!

30seconds.

“Daddy!” The small redhead jumped on her father, giving him a big hug as he hugged her closer, waiting for the watch to go off while still watching Freddy recovering from the fall. But the moment Jason blinked, he had disappeared.

A searing pain ripped through his back as he hugged the girl tighter, feeling his blood running down his scarred back, the fabric of his shirt tearing with a sharp sound. A scared whimper escaped Malon’s mouth as her green eyes widened, feeling her dad hugging her tighter against his chest.

5seconds.

Without even realizing it, as Freddy still swiped at him, Jason doing his best to escape his claws as he protects the girl he hold against him, he takes The Nightmare’s wrist and hold it in his hand—

—RealWorld—

Malon got up with a gasp, realizing that she was sleeping, but immediately let out a scream as she saw Freddy still battling with Jason on the floor.

“Jay? What’s all that— HOLY—!” MJ backed out of the room as she fell to the floor, never having seen any thing or anybody as scary as the being on the ground. This was what took their daughter?! She couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw them still fighting, her husband obviously not wanting him to hurt any of them.

Then, Freddy did something Jason never hoped he did again. He swiped Malon in his arms and ran out of the door, having the almost perfect plan. Jason obviously ran after him, his wife screaming in the background as she was pushed to the ground by the attack, seeing her daughter being taken away again. He couldn’t take it, his blood boiling as he ran with all he could, stopping at the docks where the Crystal lake is. “Dad-daddy..?!—“ “Shut the f**k up, you little f**king brat!” The badmouthed demon put the small girl closer to the water, scaring Jason as he was frozen in place. “You come any closer Momma’s Boy, and I’ll throw your f**king kid.”

Fortunately for Jason, before Freddy could do anything, a low growl was heard, almost scaring the demon to death(again). A creature, which Jason and Malon where really happy to see... Mama Bear.

Since his grip loosen, Malon ran toward her dad, him taking her in his arms and hugging her close, not wanting to let her go anytime soon, as MJ appeared, running toward them at full speed. Nobody minded what was happening with Freddy, hearing him letting out some cries and hearing claws swiping.

The only thing that mattered was that their family was finally reunited again, and that they were never going to let their child out of their sights.

[smileyoongle]

Deception (A Kim Namjoon Mafia AU)

Summary: A damsel in distress and a lonely mafia leader. Different but not too different. The two worlds collide on a rainy night when Kim Namjoon, a renowned Mafia leader is called for an emergency and Y/N Y/L/N is on the run from her abusive father. Feelings stir and he rescues her. But one of them is a liar. And the other's life is on the line. It's only a matter of time until all secrets are out in the open.

Will love be born? Or will death conquer?

chαptєr ƒ⊕ur: Missed Me?

Character Count: 9266

Pairing: Namjoon×Reader (Appearances by the whole of BTS)

---------------------------------------

And all I loved, I loved alone.

- Edgar Allan Poe

----------------------------------------------------------

Do you think it'll be okay to go to his house?" Hoseok voiced, giving concerned glances to all the members. It had been two days and Namjoon had not interacted much with anyone. His phone calls were always short and abrupt, ending with him saying 'I am busy. I'll call you later.'

Hana stood near the window, staring outside at the bright sky while watching all the members through their reflection on the clean window.

"Why not? You guys have known each other for so long." She stated, turning around with a confused frown.

Yoongi sighed and rubbed his eyes. He felt utterly ridiculous with all the thinking he had done. Too many things were happening all at once.

"The last time we saw him, he seemed a little distracted. I think there's something on his mind." Jin said, narrowing his eyes and staring at the ceiling. It was true. In all the years that the gang had spent together, this was the first time that Namjoon seemed so out of it.

"Maybe you should just tell him that you found me. He'll definitely come, right?"

Yoongi gritted his teeth and gave her a glare. He didn't know why he felt so uncomfortable around her. He just knew that she wasn't the same. She had become tougher and.... selfish.

"We're not gonna do that. Especially since you won't tell us where you were all this time." He said coldly.

Everybody nodded in agreement while Hana sighed and shook her head.

"I just....I think he should be the first one to know." She replied, her voice strained. Jungkook clenched his fists and looked at her. After everything that he had done for her, this is what she had to say?

He stood up and walked towards her, watching as she gulped and took a step back.

"Why? Because none of us suffered? Because none of us blamed ourselves for your death?!"

Jungkook looked like he was ready to pounce on her but his anger was justifiable. Since the past two days, everyone had been trying to ask Hana where she was and what she was doing, only to get the same response.

'I won't say unless Joon comes here.'

Jungkook was the most effected but he tried to understand. Of course, Namjoon had known Hana for longer but that doesn't mean her bond with Jungkook was less special. Hana was the first woman Jungkook cared about, he saw her as his older sister and swore to protect her. After her supposed death, he had taken the longest time to recover. He was the one who didn't give up when everyone else was trying to move on.

Yoongi stood up and placed a hand on Jungkook's shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. With a disappointed shake of his head, Jungkook stormed out of the gang's house, Hoseok following him right after.

With a sigh, Yoongi turned his attention to Hana, feeling satisfied on seeing the guilty look that she sported.

"We all searched day and night for you, Hana. I hope you know that."

With that, Yoongi left the room, preparing to call Namjoon again.

∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆

You flicked through the channels on the TV, sighing in annoyance when you couldn't find anything worth watching. Namjoon was currently talking to someone on the phone. You guessed it was business stuff cause he looked a little frustrated.

The last two days, Namjoon had spent a lot of time with you. You got to know him more and you would be lying if you said you didn't like his company. He was a gentleman in every way possible. And you remembered every single conversation that you had with him. Why? Cause it was the first time that you had a normal conversation with someone.

Cause he was worth remembering.

You switched off the TV and turned your attention to the window, admiring the expanse of greenery that covered Namjoon's house. Now that you thought about it, his house was a little too isolated. Also, you didn't see anyone around the area. No mailman. No newspaper guy. No girl scouts. Nothing.

It was the house. Maybe Namjoon was just fond of peace and quiet, you figured. Or maybe he just wanted to avoid the cameras. Cameras that'd watch over him like a hawk only to give rise to a number of scandals which never really happened.

He was a businessman after all.

You turned your head away from the window when you felt the couch dipping beside you. You smiled at Namjoon warmly, making his heart flutter.

"What were you thinking?" He asked, leaning his head on the back of the couch as he faced you. You shrugged in response and busied yourself with your fingers.

"Just...things."

"A penny for your thoughts."

You bit your lip, not looking up at him. Because you knew what would happen if you looked at his eyes. Your heart would jump out of your chest and you'd melt under his gaze. You hated that feeling.

Clearing your throat, you sat up straighter.

"I wanna work." You confessed, slowly looking at Namjoon to note his reaction. He raised his eyebrows at you in question.

"I mean I can atleast get a part time job, right?" You asked, clenching the hem of your shirt tightly. Namjoon opened his mouth to say something but ended up pursing his lips.

After a minute of silence, Namjoon chuckled nervously.

"Why-why do you wanna work?"

The problem wasn't with you working. The problem was that someday someone would find out that you were living with him. They could hurt you just to get to him. And even though he shouldn't feel so protective over you, he couldn't help himself.

"I never had a chance to live life like a normal person, you know. Going to work, hanging out with friends, going on dates....I had none of it." You explained, looking at the floor with a sad smile.

Namjoon felt his heart sink. If it were upto him, he'd give you everything in a heartbeat. He didn't like the idea of you going on dates but he had to suck it up.

Suddenly, his eyes lit up as an idea came to his mind.

Date.

"You wanna go out for dinner tonight?"

Your eyes widened and you looked at him in surprise.

"Me?" You asked, pointing at yourself. Namjoon chuckled in response and nodded. You turned your eyes away as you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. You were hesitant. Of course, you had warmed up to Namjoon in the past couple of days but this was new to you.

If anything, you were probably the most socially awkward person on the planet, blame it on the lack of communication you had with the outside world. You felt your chest tighten when you thought about your life before Namjoon. You needed a fresh start.

"I'd like that." You muttered.

Namjoon was on cloud nine. Even if it was just a friendly dinner, it was a start. He was determined to get you to warm up to him. He couldn't tell how serious his infatuation with you was, but he knew that you were a ray of hope. You were a sign that he could live life normally. He could pretend that he wasn't a mafia leader with you. He could keep you safe with him and he could make his own small world within the boundaries of his house. Only if it was that simple.

∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆

Namjoon tugged at the jacket, brushing off the nonexistent dust from it. He sighed in content on seeing his appearance. This had to be a good night.

He was surprised at how he had changed in just a matter of three days. He never cared about his appearance, never thought about how he looked but now he was happily spending an hour in his closet, deciding what would make him look good and what wouldn't.

He left his room, patiently pacing in the living room as he waited for you to get ready. Namjoon felt giddy and anxious, his emotions getting the best of him. While he was busy, glancing at your door, he didn't notice the incoming call on his phone. Yoongi's name flashed across the screen but there wasn't any ringing. Just because Namjoon had decided to put it on silent.

After what seemed like hours to Namjoon, the door to your bedroom opened and you descended down the stairs, biting your lip and fiddling with the lace on your dress. Namjoon's heart skipped a beat. The baby blue dress made you look like an angel and he absolutely loved it.

You stood in front of him and smiled, thinking of things to say to lighten the atmosphere. But the doorbell beat you to it.

You and Namjoon glanced at the door. You were beyond surprised since no one ever came to Namjoon's house. This was a first.

Namjoon unlocked the door, frowning in confusion because no one really knew where he lived. Except for the rest of the gang of course.

But the minute he opened the door and saw who stood on the other side of it, he stopped breathing.

"Hana..." He whispered, not being able to believe that his best friend was really back. His eyes turned glossy and he couldn't move anymore. Not even when Hana threw her arms around his neck and cried into his chest.

Whereas you. You didn't even know how to feel. A number of emotions flooded you but you stood there gawking as the strange girl hugged Namjoon while crying. Judging by how Namjoon's arms slowly wrapped around her waist, you could tell they were close.

You slowly backed up the stairs, concluding that maybe it was best to leave them alone. You closed the door of your bedroom just as Yoongi entered the house, followed by the rest. They all sympathetically glanced at the affectionate exchange, keeping quiet even though they had a thousand questions in their mind.

You sat on the edge of your bed, knowing that there was gonna be no dinner tonight. That's not what you cared about actually. For some reason, you couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling that engulfed you after watching that girl hug Namjoon. You felt really betrayed. But you had no right to.

Namjoon probably knew that girl for a long time whereas you, you just came into his life. You lay on the bed, letting your thoughts consume you even though you knew it wasn't good for you. These thoughts would lead to dangerous nightmares later and your sleep schedule would be completely messed up.

You heard the front door shut followed by complete silence. Everyone had probably left, including Namjoon.

You sighed and closed your eyes, falling asleep with the image of his eyes gazing into yours.

∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆

Everything was long forgotten as Namjoon sat in the gang's house, waiting for Hana to begin her story. He still wasn't sure how he felt after seeing Hana alive, but he knew that he was grateful for it. The agony of being reminded every day about his best friend's death had finally come to an end, although Namjoon would have appreciated it if it would have been sooner.

"So, care to tell us where you had been all this time?"

Taglist: @uwunamjoon @shadowstark @addy-nerd @tzuyyyuuu @stressedinmedschool247 @ifellinluvwithdorks @min-t-posts @floofwrites @pretty-in-pink-just-because @bts-d-onut @fangirllbookworm @mystical-writer @it-is-dana @ximaginx @kpopgirlbtssvt @pearylove @wtfkimbab @anothermisspark

Tell me if you wanna be added to the taglist! Hope y'all enjoyed this part..!

-XX

[fidgetnano19]

Day 7, Part 1: Eyes to the Grave

I guess you could say that this is what happens when Fidget is scolding herself for focusing too heavily on dialogue on Day 5? I wanted to work more Einnet parts in, but it just didn't come out that way...

Griaria, 13 years ago

[[MORE]]

Marek stood quietly, eyes to the grave in front of him, careful not to bother mama during the service. She had already explained that his father wouldn't come back again, not like the times he went on long trips and gave him gifts when he returned. As for why they wouldn't see each other anymore, Marek was still a little confused about that part... something about souls, or his father being with Kea now. 

When he'd asked if he could go there, too, just to visit, mama only wept harder, squeezing him so hard to her chest that he could hardly breathe. He didn't ask that question again, or any others. Today, he was just glad she was out of bed, with her beautiful purple hair brushed and swept up on top of her head by the servants. He gripped her hand tighter every time she sniffled, silently begging her not to cry again.

Across from them, on the other side of the big, stone box, Egom Cillian stood with his family. He'd met them before, he vaguely remembered, when the new Eika was announced – Reidory. She was there, too, though she looked more like one of the children than a wife. She'd given him treats at her wedding, and told him he was pretty.

He shook his head, reminding himself to pay attention to what the man in robes was saying, even if he didn't really understand the words. He had wondered why they weren't being said in his language, but mama told him it was because of something called tradition. He had no idea what that was, but again, he was trying not to bother her with questions.

He watched Brexton's mouth move silently, mimicking the robed man's words. Did he speak tradition? His eyes – silver, like the ring on mama's hand – lifted, meeting Marek's. His mouth stopped moving, formed a soft smile.

Marek smiled back, because Brexton was nice to him at the wedding, too, taking him outside to play when he didn't want to sit still anymore. In exchange, he'd shared some of the candy Reidory had given him.

The man in robes stopped talking, and everyone took turns walking up to the large box, rubbing their hands over the smooth stone, or leaving flowers on top. Marek eyed the flowers greedily, wondering if he could take a few for himself, but he forgot all about them when mama's hands started shaking, fat tears falling from behind the black veil that covered her face.

...

"Marek!" Brexton called out to him as soon as he and mama stepped out of the coach.

Mama let go of his hand, nodding that it was alright for him to go off on his own. He watched her head inside the palace with some of his father's men, while Brexton approached him, carrying a small child in his arms. She had thick hair that looked like Marek's, and big blue eyes.

"We're going to play in the gardens." Brexton explained, nodding behind him – toward Reidory. "Do you want to come?"

He brightened, his mood lifting as he accepted Brexton's outstretched hand. It was cold, much colder than mama's, but he didn't mind it too much. "What are we playing?"

"Hmm... how about hide-away?"

"I'm really, really good at that game!"

Brexton laughed, leading him to the side of the palace.

"Brexton! If you don't put Finnoula down once in a while, she'll never learn to walk!" Reidory scolded them when they got near, wrangling the child out of his hold and setting her down on the ground. "I swear, you spoil her too much."

"It can't be helped, Kiga." Brexton shrugged his large shoulders. "She is my bond, after all. Plus, I like spoiling her." He stopped, his fingers loosening as he glanced around the garden. "Where did Torin go?"

Reidory's face clouded for a moment, reminding Marek of mama's. Her smile, when it came, was tight-lipped – like the smiles his father's men had been giving him for days.

"He said he didn't want to play." She turned to Marek, bending down to stroke her fingers through his long hair. "If it isn't my sweet little nephew! Are you going to join in?"

"He's going to be my special helper", Brexton announced, giving him a quick nudge. "How about boys against girls? We'll be 'it', first."

The other girl, who Brexton introduced as Einnet, ran off to hide along with Reidory and Finnoula. Brexton and Marek covered their eyes, counting out loud until they reached twenty-five.

They had already found Einnet, curled up under a bench, and were off looking for Reidory when a loud voice disrupted their game.

"Reidory! Where are you?!"

Brexton's eyes widened, and he tugged Marek behind a row of nearby hedges, pressing against the top of his head in a silent command to duck. "New game, Marek. We're hiding from that man, okay?"

"Why?"

Brexton placed a finger over his mouth, shushing him instead of giving him an answer.

"Reidory! Come out here, now!"

He heard a rustling sound somewhere nearby, and the sound of running feet.

"I'm right here, Lazzari. There's no need to shout."

"What are you doing out here? Look at your hair, it's a mess." There were a few moments of quiet, followed by, "We're going inside, try to behave yourself."

"But we're still play–"

There was a loud sound – like hands clapping – then quiet crying.

"Enough nonsense. You are an Eika, and you should be inside with the adults... Unless you'd rather go back home, hmm?"

"N–no, sir."

"Good, then give that thing back to Einnet and follow me."

"Who was that?" Marek asked, once Brexton stood up again, peeking carefully over the hedges.

"Reidory's egomija... and my father. Come on, let's go back to Einnet."

Marek thought Brexton would offer his hand again, but he didn't. Instead, he held his hands at his side – curled into fists, with a thin layer of ice covering them.

The frost vanished as they approached the benches, meeting up with Einnet.

"Lazzari just–"

"We heard. Aww, did he scare you, Finny?" Brexton scooped Finnoula out of her arms, cradling the small girl to his chest. "I've got you now, so don't worry." He turned his attention back to Einnet, his expression growing more serious. "You should find Torin, tell him what happened. Whatever you do, don't let Lazzari see you, got it?"

Einnet promised that she'd be careful and ran off in search of the other boy, leaving the three of them alone in the garden.

For a long while, Brexton didn't say anything, just watched her leave until they couldn't see her anymore. Finnoula squirmed in his arms, and this snapped him out of whatever he was thinking about. He shifted her weight up on his shoulder and turned back to Marek.

"We don't have enough people for hide-away, anymore, but would you like to throw some snowballs?"

Marek scrunched his face, sure that Brexton was teasing him. It wasn't anywhere near time for snow. The leaves weren't even gold yet.

Before he could point that out, Brexton set the baby on the ground. He pulled a small stick out of his pocket, and waved it through the air. Marek could hardly believe his eyes. Snow! All over the ground at their feet, and it was the perfect sort for building or throwing.

"Can you really make snow, just like that?" Marek asked, staring up at him with the most intense admiration he'd ever felt in his young life.

"It's not a big deal, really. I have an ice mija, so I can do things like this." He bent down, encouraging Finnoula to touch the fluffy white snow. "Someday, I'll use it to protect Finny, here. Your mother has a bond, doesn't she?"

Marek thought hard, but he couldn't recall knowing anybody like that. Here in the palace, there were only the servants, and father's men. "I don't think so."

"Brex!" The other boy, the one with the fiery red hair – just like Reidory's, skidded to a stop right at the edge of the snow, frowning down at them. "He'll catch you, you know."

"We're just having a little fun. Besides, he already went in."

"Did he– he took Dory in with him?"

Brexton tucked the wand away, busying himself with collecting snow in his big hands. "Yeah, a little bit ago. Scolded her for playing with us, then dragged her away to be with the adults. Didn't Einnet tell you as much?"

"She did." He nudged a small pile of snow with the toe of his boot, staring down at the pattern his sole left behind. "It's fine, isn't it? She's one of them now."

Brexton frowned, standing to hurl the snowball at the older boy's face. "I hate it when you sound like him."

Marek tried to ignore their bickering, gathering up snow to form something resembling a brick. It was hard to do, especially with Finnoula trying to 'help', but he managed it. After that, he made another, and another, creating a ring with them.

"Do what you want..." Torin said, eventually, storming away.

"Idiot." Brexton mumbled it, but Marek heard it well enough. "How about that snowball fight, now?"

Marek nodded enthusiastically, crushing one of his bricks to make the first ball, his sad attempt at building a castle completely forgotton.

They played outside until the servants called them in for dinner. Brexton made all of the snow vanish with just a snap of his fingers, which Marek thought was an even better trick than when he'd made it appear in the first place.

"Brexton?"

"You can just call me Brex. Almost everyone does."

"Brex..." He tried it out, deciding he liked it much better. "How come Reidory doesn't want to go home?" He walked alongside Brexton, hopping over the cracks in the cobblestone.

"She's afraid of the dogs."

"Oh..." He didn't really understand why anyone would be afraid of dogs, or what that had to do with going home, but he pretended to. There were lots of things he was afraid of, so it made a little sense.

They were sat around a big table, with more food than Marek thought he'd ever seen before in his life being served on the good, silver dishes. Marek picked a seat between Brexton and Einnet, and the two of them snuck their vegetables onto his plate, saying he'd get big if he ate them. He could tell it was a trick, but he ate them anyway.

"Getting tired?" Brexton cocked his head to peek down at him, letting Marek lean against his arm.

"A little. Are you staying here tonight?"

"Yup. It's a long way back to Terracia, so we're not leaving until morning."

"Will you sleep in my room? I used to sleep with mama, but she won't let me anymore."

Brexton looked around the table, like he wanted to ask someone about it, but didn't know who. "Sure."