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di-daynamic · 2 years ago

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@hinnymicrofic May Day 21: Drunk

“Alright, Weasley?” Potter smirked at her. “Not too despairing, I hope? I won’t catch you if you faint.”

“Ha fucking ha, Potter,” Ginny snarled. “Just because your team got this shot doesn’t mean you’ll win. Wait and watch. We’ll be winning today.”

Potter smiled that absolutely infuriating smug smile of his. “You go on dreaming,” he said in a faux soothing voice. “But I have to go fly. And win.”

He flew seemingly erratically and dismantled her teammates’ formation with next to no effort.

Ginny gritted her teeth.

Harry Potter was a legend in quidditch. He’d been selected for his house team in his first year, led Ravenclaw to a victory several times, missed a catch only a handful of times and had been picked as reserve seeker straight out of school by the Pride of Portree before starting for the Ballycastle Bats.

The first time, Ginny had been excited to play him.

That had been before she’d realized what a Merlin damned asshole he was.

Well. Famous prodigy or not, she and her team would beat him and his.

Ginny seized the quaffle mid switch of the Bats’ Chasers. She passed it to Val who passed it back to her right in time and position to score. Fans roared and booed. She turned to Potter and made a violently rude gesture at him.

He only smirked back at her.

For some reason, that sent a shiver down her spine.

The next forty minutes were a deadly dance of taunting and dodging and scoring and flying. Ginny’s blood sang in the air. Flying brought a thrill to her she never got anywhere else, except for from Harry Potter’s scorching glares and mocking.

He seemed to delight in frustrating her. He was edging her, blocking her, ruining her plays ever other second. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he was unnervingly concentrated on her, despite him always being an active seeker in all his matches.

A Bat scored again, and Potter did a loop-de-loop in celebration before shooting in a slanted line towards the centre of the pitch.

Ginny’s heart skipped a beat. The Snitch!

Potter was widely regarded as the best Seeker in the League. Melissa was good, but Ginny wasn’t being cruel when she thought she was no match for him. Their only hope was the score: which was currently two-ten to sixty in the Harpies’ favour.

If Potter caught the Snitch, they would lose.

Ginny dove down, and her stomach dropped and rose all at once at the terror and thrill and joy of the act. She buzzed the opposing chaser, nearly Blatched another, grabbed the quaffle and threw it at the hoops.

It was a long shot – but the keeper had been distracted by the Snitch chase and the quaffle sailed through the left hoop right as Potter’s fist closed around the Snitch.

The spectators roared. There was a great deal of confusion. But finally, the referee declared the Holyhead Harpies to be the winners.

Ginny whooped as she took her victory lap. Her eyes met Potter’s, and she tilted her head towards him cockily. His gaze was burning. Hate and, somehow, admiration. Ginny’s heart flipped unnaturally, and she ignored it as she sped towards her celebrating teammates.

She spent the next few hours at the Holyhead unofficial pub, getting congratulated and mobbed by fans and drunk with her teammates. Vision blurring a little – she’d perhaps had one drink too many – she flooed to the nearest public floo point to her apartment.

Her head spun as she walked back home, dazed and drunk on joy and alcohol.

“Weasley,” came a slurred voice. “If it isn’t the bloody heroine of the hour.”

Ginny turned. If she was drunk, Harry Potter was completely plastered. His hair was more of a rat’s nest than usual, his features were slack, but his green eyes were as blazing as ever.

“Potter. Why, here to expend your Loser’s Lurgy?” She instantly regretted referring to one of Luna’s wild stories. To her surprise, Potter just barked a laugh.

“You’re friends with Luna too, huh?” She stared. Why the hell had she never told Ginny Luna was friends with Quidditch Star Harry Potter? “Nothing like that. Mates an’ me got drunk, and Dad and Mum and Sirius will never let me hear the end of it if I go to them, and Hermione would kill me for drinking dangerously. And Nev’s out of town. So just. . . Wandering ��round.”

In one sentence Potter had told her more than she ever wanted to know about his life.

“Like I wanted to know, Potter,” she jeered. She turned to go.

“You asked, Weasley.” Came his teasing voice. Ginny pressed her eyes shut furiously. She supposed she had. “Not going to bitch or gloat about your win?”

“Me, gloat?” Ginny’s voice was taut as she went and pressed her finger to his chest. He just smiled at her, giving her that damned smugly superior look she hated. “Says Harry Potter, the sorest winner in the whole world!”

Potter laughed incredulously. “Coming from Ginevra Weasley, the most morally superior too good for everyone player?”

“The worst—”

“Bloody crazy and arrogant—”

“Infuriating asshole—”

“Self-righteous shrew with attitude problems—”

“Smirking like the bloody devil himself, why are you so—” Ginny breathed heavily. “So incredibly good at quidditch—”

“And why are you so. . . .” Potter’s voice dropped to a ragged whisper. “So. . . so fucking pretty?”

Their eyes met. And the next moment, they were kissing.

Potter kissed like a storm. He kissed her like she was the last thing left on earth. He kissed her like she was water in a desert.

Gasping, they tore away from each other as someone called at them to get a room.

This was a terrible idea.

Her brothers would encourage it, which was a warning all in itself. Her parents would be very sternly horrified. They were on opposite teams, facing in the league.

She didn’t care.

He was a drug she wanted to get high, delirious, drunk on.

This was a terrible idea.

“My apartment’s that way,” she said.

#hinny #hinny microfic #fanfic #fanfiction #harry potter #harry james potter #ginny weasley #rivals with benefits #rivals to lovers #got a little too long #oops #seventh in a row!!!#alternate universe #Have a LOT of thoughts about this AU #Last one for a bit

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avirael · 6 months ago

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The Frozen Lake

It was the third day since he had stopped feeling like dying.

About a week ago he had woken up from his far too lifelike fever dream and a few days later the last spikes of the fever itself had been gone too just like the hallucinations it had brought in his sleep.

He still had been sick though and welcomed Rael telling him to stay in bed until he was perfectly healthy again all too eagerly.

While he still sneezed every now and then, it was at least tolerable now, still annoying but he didn’t feel incredibly uncomfortable anymore.

That day, just like the last and also the ones before that, he had awoken late. Against Rael’s order to stay in bed he had found the courage to get up and take a look out of the window. It was a sunny day, which in Coerthas still meant that it was bitterly cold though. But the sun was shining brightly and already high in the sky too which meant it had to be almost midday. He had slept way too long again, way to many hours for a surprisingly dreamless sleep. Or maybe it was exactly the lack of dreams that allowed him to finally rest, after all in the past there rarely had been good ones…

For a moment he considered to go downstairs and ask for a late breakfast if that wasn’t too insolent given the late hour but then a knock sounded from the door.

Quickly he hurried back to bed, just in case it was Rael, but the person who carefully peeked into the room a few seconds later wasn’t a viera.

“Ah, you are awake! That’s good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and brought a small tray with hot soup and also something warm to drink. “It is so late already, you must be horribly hungry. Alphinaud checked in on you earlier but you were still fast asleep and he didn’t have the heart to wake you.”

A little uncertain on how to answer to that, A’viloh just nodded. Haurchefant grinned, put down a mug on the bedside table and handed A‘viloh a comfortingly warm bowl filled with some rather delicious smelling stew.

Instead of fetching the chair from the small desk by the window, Haurchefant sat down at the lower end of the bed balancing the tray with his own lunch on his knees. Rael once told him that ishgardian society had an absurd amount of strict and antiquated rules and so A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder, that although it seemed like a very appropriate distance to him, in Haurchefant’s hometown the fact alone that he dared to sit on someone else’s bed was probably scandalous.

“I hope you don’t mind me having lunch with you.”, the Elezen asked as he noticed A‘viloh staring.

Quickly the Miqo’te lowered his gaze to his bowl of soup. “Not at all.”, he muttered and tried a spoonful of the food just to change the topic. “Mhh, this is very good!”, he mumbled, still chewing, surprised by how good this really was compared to the bland food and bitter teas Rael had usually brought him these last few days. It must have been the Viera’s way of punishing him for running away.

Haurchefant laughed and then for a while they ate in silence.

“You look a lot healthier already.”, the Elezen stated after a while with an amiable smile on his face before taking a sip from his mug.

A‘viloh shrugged a little embarrassed, since it had been his own fault that he hadn’t been well in the first place. “Only because all of you took so good care of me.”

Haurchefant nodded. “You know, you had us all horribly worried right?”

“Sorry about that.”, he said and guitily looked into his mug.

Curiously Haurchefant eyed him for a moment. “Why did you do that anyway? Run out into the storm.”

A bit surprised A’viloh looked up. Had they all thought he had done this on purpose? “There wasn’t a storm when I left! What do I know about weather? I didn’t expect it to start snowing, let alone that much!”

That made the Elezen chuckle again but he still looked at him expecting an answer.

“Still… why did you leave?”

“I assumed Rael told you…”, A’viloh replied not sure what Haurchefant wanted to hear exactly. He nodded. “Rael did. But maybe I want to hear it from you…”

A’viloh sighed. His plan hadn’t been very smart and he felt a little uncomfortable having to explain his reasons to someone else, when in retrospect it didn’t make much sense even to his own ears.

“You know the… circumstances under which we fled Ul’dah… I couldn’t… um… the fact that we didn’t even know what happened to our friends… I wanted to find out, because it doesn’t seem fair to me that we escaped while all of them didn’t…”

“Mhh…”, Haurchefant nodded thoughtfully but let go off the topic for now. Instead he asked, „And how are you feeling today?”

Somehow that question confused A’viloh even more.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a simple question, isn’t it?”, he said still smiling politely.

Of course it was a simple question. Just the answer felt unreasonable complicated to him. To make things even more difficult people who asked such a question usually wanted to hear “I‘m fine, and you?” or “Very good, thank you.” for an answer and rarely the truth. They certainly didn’t want to hear “A few days ago I was convinced I was going to die and honestly it wasn’t that bad, so now I‘m still not sure wether I am happy to still be alive or not”.

“Alright… I guess.”, he mumbled instead. He had never been a good liar and could only hope that this fact wasn’t too obvious for the Elezen.

“You know what?”, Haurchefant proclaimed after watching him thoughtfully for a second. “Today is a wonderful day. We should go for a walk.”

“A walk?!”, A’viloh exclaimed wide-eyed, as if he had just asked something unreasonable of him.

“Why not?”

A’viloh couldn’t think of a good reason why not, other than that he was supposed to stay in bed, so he shrugged.

“Where’s Rael?”, he asked instead.

Haurchefant smirked. “Do you need Rael’s permission to go outside?”

“Of course not.”, the Miqo’te protested. “But Rael will be mad if I run off again, especially against their orders to stay in bed.”

“Rael and Alphinaud went to the observatory earlier.”, Haurchefant explained. “We’ll be back before they are, I promise.”

What was A’viloh supposed to say against that and also against the expectant look on the Elezen’s face. He took another glimpse towards the window and decided that it looked nice enough to go outside.

“Fine.”

“Good!”, Haurchefant exclaimed happily and collected their empty bowls and mugs. “There should be warm clothes for you in the wardrobe. If you need anything else just ask someone. I’ll wait for you by the northern gate.”

After Haurchefant had left, A’viloh remained sitting in his bed for a moment longer contemplating on the Elezen’s question. Yes, he felt better again. But better in what comparison? Better than a few days ago when he had felt and also been half-dead? Though he didn’t feel sick anymore now, there still was a weigh on his heart. From his plan that had failed so spectacularly and even more so from the dreams he wouldn’t have minded to keep on dreaming forever.

Vehemently he shook his head and decided not to think about that now or he would just crawl back under the blanket of his comfortably warm bed again. Instead he got up and took a look into the wardrobe. Almost none of these were his own clothes of course since all he possessed were the ones he had worn on his body that day they fled Ul’dah. Very unsuitable for this climate. But neither did he see the borrowed clothes he had worn that night when he had tried to run away. Everything in here looked even softer and warmer like someone had wanted to make sure he was feeling comfortable. To his surprise the things didn’t look that much too big for him either, unlike his last set of clothes. Besides a few Hyur most people here at Camp Dragonhead were grown up Elezen but these clothes looked like they belonged to neither. Maybe it were clothes for Elezen children, he wondered and also thought that in that case someone must have brought them here just for him.

Grateful for so much effort he picked a few pieces and got dressed. Lazily he ran his fingers through his hair to get rid of the worst knots but the look into the small mirror at the washbasin, where his tired face stared back at him reproachfully, just made him sigh. Once he was ready he took the warm coat out of the wardrobe too and went out to look for Haurchefant. Just as he had said, the Elezen was standing by the gate that led to the north-east, towards the ruins of the Steel Vigil.

From afar Haurchefant already recognised the Miqo’te, his bright red hair a singularity among all the people living here. Pleasantly smiling as always he waved at him and A’viloh couldn’t help but smile a little too and wave back as he hurriedly walked towards him.

“There you are! I see the clothes fit you nicely.”

A’viloh nodded.

“They do. Thank you very much for these.”

Haurchefant dismissively waved with one hand. “It’s the least I could do…”

But he had done a lot more than that, A’viloh thought. “I think there’s more I need to thank you for. Rael told me it was you who saved my life.”

“Mhhh…”, Haurchefant tilted his head as if he wasn’t sure if this statement was entirely the truth. “Rael is too humble. They played a bit of a role in that too. After all it was Rael who noticed you were gone. And it was also Rael who didn’t leave your bedside and tried their best to heal you.”

A’viloh remembered waking up and finding the usually quite touch-averse viera cuddled up to him with a look on their face so horribly sad like he had never seen on them before. Rael had pretended it was nothing but it had been a very unconvincing performance. Asked about it Alphinaud had only offered a few sentences about how worried Rael had looked and how they had used all kinds of spells he himself had never seen or heard of before, all of it to try and save him. It had made him feel even more guilty for his stupidity.

So maybe Haurchefant was right. But still it had been him who had risked going out into the storm to find him.

“Anyway. I still want to thank you! Honestly.”, he insisted. But how honestly was it really?

Sure, he was glad to still be alive. After all his plan hadn’t been to run out into a blizzard and freeze to death, although some of them seemed to think that was the case. But once he found himself in this situation he had to admit that he had welcomed his fate rather willingly. A fact that shocked even himself a little looking back at it now.

“You’re welcome. After all you wouldn’t be any help to your friends frozen to death out there.”, Haurchefant joked with a wry smile on his lips.

“I guess not...”, A’viloh muttered, the topic of his friends making his mood visibly sink again.

Of course the Elezen noticed and his smile turned into a playful grin. “But I acted a little selfish too, you know? I think Camp Dragonhead is a lot friendlier with your company and I would like to have you and your pretty smile around a little longer.”

For a moment A’viloh’s eyes shot up to look at the others face before he quickly pretended that something somewhere a little bit to his left was a lot more interesting. Sometimes Haurchefant randomly said things, A’viloh hadn’t had the slightest idea how to react to. Not because he was that oblivious but simply because it puzzled him. Nonetheless the air suddenly didn’t feel that cold anymore on his face.

Haurchefant was always very kind to him. Well, he mostly was kind to everybody but sometimes he seemed to admire him especially. Him of all people, although there was nothing special about him. Haurchefant sometimes spoke of him like he was one of the greatest heroes of all time and it felt so ridiculous to him. He was just silly, cowardly A‘viloh! What had he ever achieved in his miserable life to justify such admiration? The people called him a Warrior of Light but wasn’t that some grand overstatement? Some days he thought all of this had been a horrible mistake. A great misunderstanding! Then he wondered how he had ever gotten entangled in this madness in the first place and also if he ever would get out of it again. But what else should he do with his life anyway...

While A’viloh’s brain still screeched in desperate search for a proper response, Haurchefant seemed to realise he had flustered him and glossed it over by gesturing to the gate.

“How about we walk a few yalms? There’s something you need to see!”

Still too dumbstruck to speak or to even wonder what the Elezen was talking about, A’viloh nodded and then proceeded to follow him out into the snowy landscape.

After a few minutes Haurchefant paused and took a deep breath. “Isn’t the air wonderful today?”

A’viloh followed his example, breathed deeply and let his gaze wander over the snow covered landscape with a few pines here and there and the mountains and ruins of the Steel Vigil in the distance. The air was cool and fresh, still cold enough that the warm sun couldn’t melt the snow. Instead the rays of sunshine made the scenery shine and sparkle as if everything was covered not in ice but in millions over millions of tiny diamonds.

“It is.”, he answered and smiled, surprised how beautiful this inhospitable landscape could be, before with a sudden spark of curiosity he finally asked. “Where are we going?”

“It’s not far anymore.”, Haurchefant said with a grin on his face and pointed into another direction. Shortly after and only a bit further ahead they reached a small lake.

As they got closer A‘viloh noticed that it not only was covered in a layer of snow and ice but also that quite a few off-duty soldiers, given the proximity to the camp he assumed they had to be, were standing right on top of the frozen lake. No, they were not quite standing. It looked more like they were dancing or flying maybe. More or less gracefully they moved over the lake‘s surface in fluid swift strides, some just moving in wide circles and other swirling around this way or that. A’viloh had never seen something like this and it looked strange and impossible but at the same time very beautiful to him.

The two of them had almost reached the lake by then, A’viloh a few steps ahead to get a better look at the wondrous people on the ice and he already wanted to ask how they did that, when his attention was drawn elsewhere by a curious squawking sound.

“Oh! Look at them!”, the Miqo’te exclaimed, his fascinated smile still turning a little brighter, as he gestured to a small flock of wild geese resting at the shore of the lake. With ruffled feathers they sat closely huddled together at the edge of the ice and suddenly A‘viloh couldn’t help but worry about them. They looked so unbothered by his presence, sleeping through the day and all the hubbub around them, looking all exhausted and frozen with their puffed up feathers. Like anything could happen to them and they wouldn’t even mind.

Strangely he wondered what he himself had looked like when Haurchefant had found him unconscious in the snow. He must have been a pitiful sight. Had the Elezen thought him beyond saving too, just like he himself had. What if he had found him a little later or not at all? Maybe that would have been better, a voice murmured to him just like it had so many times before and for a moment, tempted by the grief heavy on his heart once again, he almost believed it.

But no, he would be dead then and while he would have liked to imagine that this would mean he could be with his loved ones again, it was not exactly what either of the tribes he had lived with believed.

Vaguely he remembered his father working for hours, digging a grave at what used to be Wellwick Wood. An elderly woman too exhausted by their long journey, his grandmother if he remembered correctly, had died shortly after they had arrived there. With a sad smile on his face his father had explained to his children, who had stared down into the hole in the ground with confusion in their eyes, how by returning her body to the earth there could still grow new life from this death.

Or the drake tribe of the Sagolii Desert, who always burned their dead and left the ashes to be carried away by the desert wind, believing that it would make it easier for the deceased‘s aether to return to the Aetheric Sea and create something new elsewhere.

With a sudden sharp pain in his heart A’viloh realised that neither of the people he loved had gotten the burial they would have wanted for themselves. And neither had A‘viloh himself wanted to die in the coldness of Coerthas and be forever forgotten under a thick layer of snow and ice. He had thought about dying before but never had he been this close to it. For a second he wondered if this was something worth speaking to Rael about, but he wasn’t sure they wouldn’t misunderstand and get mad at him again.

“Why do you make such a sad face now?”, Haurchefant asked having noticed the smile slip from the Miqo’te’s face. But A’viloh just vehemently shook his head and focused on the geese again.

“They must be horribly cold.”, he wondered in a voice that suggested he already planned to take all of them to the safety of his comfortably warm room.

Haurchefant chuckled. “Don’t worry, they survived the storm out here after all. They keep each other warm, that’s why you‘ll rarely see one of them alone. A bit like you and your friends.”

“Maybe…”, A’viloh answered thinking about this comparison for a moment. “I just wish it wouldn’t always be me who needs to be taken care of. But as proven in Ul’dah and now once again I am simply too weak and useless to keep myself alive, not to mention anyone else.”

The Elezen’s face got a little stern as he folded his arms in front of his chest. “Don’t say that, I am sure it’s not true! This was just bad luck! You are neither weak nor useless!”

A’viloh shrugged. “But that’s how I feel right now...”

Slowly Haurchefant nodded before speaking again with a silent but determined voice. “Listen. I‘ll never forget how bravely you fought for Francel although you barely knew him. You could have gotten yourself in trouble with that and you helped him anyway.”

“It’s not like I did that on my own -”, A’viloh tried to protest but was immediately interrupted. “But you still helped! And I’m sure even without Rael you would have done so!”

Another shrug was all Haurchefant got in response, so the Elezen thought for a second before making an offer. “You want to make yourself useful, right? Get stronger? I could teach you how to fight like a real ishgardian knight, with sword and shield. Or we have some dragoons at Camp Dragonhead too! I’m sure there’s a lot you could learn from them.”

A‘viloh‘s face turned to disbelief. “I really don’t think I could fight with armor and weapons this heavy…”

“You can’t say so if you don’t try! And I have you know that dragoon armors are surprisingly light. How do you think they could still be this agile otherwise? Promise me to at least try training with them a little!”

He didn’t really want to agree to that. He knew he would make a fool of himself. But how could he say no with Haurchefant trying everything in his power to cheer him up. Weakly he shook his head and muttered: “Fine…”

“Perfect!”, Haurchefant exclaimed with a bright smile on his face. “I think an early reward for your efforts is appropriate then!”

Confused A’viloh watched him take a small bag off of his shoulders, which he hadn’t even noticed until now. For a moment the Elezen was busy undoing a knot before he opened the bag and presented to A‘viloh a set of two weirdly shaped blades attached to pieces of wood with leather straps. He had no idea what these constructs were meant to do and that was plainly visible on his face. “What’s that?”

“Ice skates of course!”, Haurchefant said as if that would explain it all but the Miqo’te‘s face remained clueless, so Haurchefant gestured to the lake behind them. “You attach them to your boots so you can walk on the ice like this!”

“Oh!”, A’viloh exclaimed as he understood what Haurchefant was planning. “I don’t think-… I mean I‘ve never-… You don’t really want me to step on that lake do you?” The idea somehow scared him.

“Why not?”, Haurchefant asked for the second time today with this smile that made the question sound like a challenge.

“It’s just a bit of ice!”, A‘vi objected. “What if it breaks?”

The Elezen shook his head and proceeded to fasten the metal blades beneath his boots. “Ah, don’t worry. The ice is thick enough, it will take at least a few more days to melt.”

“I don’t know…”, was all A’viloh replied as Haurchefant pressed another pair of skates into his hands. But the Elezen remained determined and took a few wobbly steps through the snow and onto the ice. “See! I can stand on it and it doesn’t break! You are a lot lighter than me, so why wouldn’t you be able to?”

Oh, you don’t know my bad luck!, A‘viloh thought but Haurchefant didn’t look like he would take that for an excuse. Instead he stretched out a hand towards the Miqo’te. “Come one! Believe me, this is going to be funny!”

For a second A‘viloh pondered his options. The idea of nothing but a little bit of ice between him and the water still terrified him but Haurchefant seemed so excited about this and the other people actually seemed to have fun too. Maybe he should at least pretend to try... Reluctantly he sat down on a rock and tried to put on the skates just like Haurchefant had done a moment ago.

“The clasp on the back too. Make sure none of them are loose… Yes, that looks fine!”, Haurchefant helpfully explained. As A’viloh got up, he almost flopped right back down into the snow. It was a weird feeling to balance his whole weight on only two thin pieces of metal. As he carefully took the first few steps towards the lake Haurchefant reached out for him once more. “Here! Take my hand! I don’t want you to fall…”

Hesitantly A‘vi stepped onto the ice and immediately felt like the ground was being pulled away beneath his feet. He struggled for balance, feeling himself falling backwards, so Haurchefants arm was a very welcome thing to hold on to.

With a chuckle the Elezen tried to loosen A‘vi‘s desperate grip on his arm and instead took each of his hand in one of his own before carefully making slow steps backwards pulling A‘viloh over the ice, which A’vi could swear was making suspicious crackling sounds below them. There was no way to tell the blades beneath his feet not to move, so all A’viloh could do was try not to fall and plead to Haurchefant with ears flat on his head and panic in his eyes, as he slowly was pulled further onto the lake. “No, no, no. Take me back, that’s a horrible idea!”

“Calm down. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I promise.”, Haurchefant said soothingly and continued to explain to him how to move on the ice skates. And in fact the Elezen’s calm voice slowly made A’viloh feel less anxious. His hands, frantically clasping at Haurchefant’s, relaxed along with his legs. It was still a weird feeling to be standing on the ice but now it felt a lot easier to remain balanced. He glanced at the people around them while remaining as still as possible, studied their movements for a moment and then tentatively tried to mimic the way they slowly pushed their feet above the slippery surface. To his surprise he really moved forward without much effort and also without feeling the sensation of falling again, closer to Haurchefant who had steadied him with his outstretched arms so far.

“See! It’s not that difficult.”, he said while making another step backwards so A’viloh had to follow with another step forward. The Miqo’te, strangely excited about the fact that he was actually moving on these weird ice-blades, laughed happily. “You are even going backwards!”

Haurchefants laughed. “One step after the other. Let’s teach you how to go forward first, hm? I‘ll let go off one of your hands but don’t worry, I still got you. One feet after the other just like you did before…”

In fact it almost felt easier now that he could use one of his arms to balance himself. Very slowly at first they floated above the icy surface of the lake but soon A‘viloh got braver. Once he almost lost his balance but for a comparably tall and strong person like Haurchefant it seemed like a very easy task to keep a small Miqo’te on his feet. Almost falling had felt like a shock for a second but only moments later they were laughing about it and in the end A’viloh was surprised and also a little proud how quickly he had learned and how much fun this was.

He wasn’t sure how much time they spent there on the frozen lake but at some point a bell sounded from the nearby Camp. Startled A’viloh looked up (and almost lost his balance again). “How late is it? I’m sure you have more important things to do than this! I’m sorry if I’m keeping you from doing your work.”

But Haurchefant just laughed and teased, “What could be more important than prove to you that not all of Coerthas is a deadly wasteland trying to kill you? But I think we really should return soon. I don’t want you to get cold again and after all we also don’t want Rael to find out about this little excursion, do we?”

For a second A’viloh wished the viera could see him now and wondered what their reaction would be like. The thought made him chuckle.

And as they floated, one last circle around the lake, A’viloh couldn’t help but wonder that maybe it was happy moments like this. The reason he was still here. Moments that made his life worth living.

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inspired by the poem The Reversal by Leila Chatti

#ffxiv #ff14 #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14 #ffxiv writing #ffxiv screenshots #gpose #Aviloh Tia #Haurchefant Greystone #This ended up sadder than I wanted actually XD #But at least it ends on a good note and thats worth something huh?#I read that poem while I was still writing the last story and thought it fitted A'vi's mood quite well #and that it would be sweet to make him go ice skating although he has no clue what that is and how to do it :D #Did I ever tell you A'vi is his own worst enemy sometimes? I probably did or you figured that out by yourself by now...#If he thinks he can't do something he won't even try #I like to blame that on the expectactions people had for him and which he failed repeatedly but it's probably a bit of a character flaw too #However before late HW it is probably also very easy to talk him into pretty much anything if you have the slightest bit of persuasion skil #oops thats probably a character flaw too... but in this case it is useful at last :D #A'vi will get better soon I promise!#Well obviously he will get worse first for obvious reasons but then he'll get better eventually!#Maybe... I hope... Oh boy I am seriously trying but this sad cat doesn't want to be happy D:#I think getting the Scions back will help a little and so will the happenings of Stormblood I think...#And regarding Haurchefant: I don't think I see this as particularly romantic (I mean from Haurchefant's side maybe given his character)#I should probably make a post one of these days giving some iside look on A'vi's emotions! because it's complicated! XD #he's been alive but not really living for so long now and maybe this near-death-expierence was necessary to make him think about that...#rant over! I'll make a different post another day! this already got out of hand again...#and once again I’m posting this on a Friday! i might just start calling it FanficFriday! which doesn’t mean you get something each week XD

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starryjkoo · 7 months ago

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Alright, not to get too caught up in the MHJ drama, but I’m crying because I just reread my now deleted post-Golden rant complaining about BSH, SB, and my issues with their strategy and I got to this part

😭😭😭

No but I was right. Say what you want about MHJ, but NewJean’s was truly HYBE's only other major success outside of BTS and it had nothing to do with BangPD and it turns out that it absolutely did piss him off LMAO. I knew it. You don't have to believe everything she says, but the elevator thing was basically confirmed and there's no normal, well adjusted adult who would ignore young girls like that if they weren't an immature, petty asshole.

Not to be messy and reopen this can of worms, but it does make me think it's even more likely that he might have been a little bitter over LC hitting #1 considering he couldn't take credit for it. He had that whole article in billboard that came out around the same time talking about how they were going to get the next #1 through their connections or infrastructure or however he put it, which was clearly referencing SB & HYBE America. I think he was trying to make it seem like this whole Scooter A&R strategy was ingenious and vital to Western success based on how hard they kept pushing and talking it up. So if MHJ was telling any amount of truth about his attitude and how he acted towards NWJN's, I just can't help but feel like he must have felt at least a LITTLE negatively about LC hitting that #1 right after he was talking such a big game about how his system (that he spent a billion dollars on) was going to be vital to that next #1.

LC was a Korean song Jimin made with a small in-house team so it must have been a little embarrassing for him to say all that to billboard (and probably investors lol) and have it be immediately invalidated. And LC so clearly demonstrated that BTS and the members could still pull off these big feats without him or his ideas and massive investment and personal involvement. And yeah, billboard did target LC right after that to try and smear it's success, but I think this argument still holds up. Especially because if LC was given any extra care or support it could have kept charting. And what billboard did in it's second week was insanely dirty.

(I’m not saying he was MAD about it, or that he didn’t talk it up to investors after, or that he sabotaged Jimin like a vengeful cartoon villain, I’m just being petty and speculating and saying I don’t think he was thrilled about it considering the circumstances)

Likewise NewJean's released music that did have a good chunk of English but was still Korean, and they managed to break a bunch of girlgroup billboard records as well, and that's ANOTHER project that BSH didn't have his hands on at all. In fact it was one he didn't believe in. Yes, ILLIT broke their record for getting their debut song on billboard quicker, however BSH followed the formula that MHJ created and apparently didn't even consult her or give her any credit while creating a group that was clearly inspired by her work (I genuinely love ILLIT and think they have their own identity! But they do follow the formula that MHJ popularized). So it's not like he got another group on billboard with his genius, it was again just following a formula someone else created (Magnetic was a bop and I loved the whole EP, so I'll give him that!).

I honestly don't even know what SB brings to the table that's so helpful because all they need for a pop song to succeed is basic charting tools like CDs and remixes and playlisting, which they could get before him, and basic decent promotions for visibility. And he's not doing anything interesting or helpful for the non-pop releases even though there's a massive market here for indie, alternative, R&B, and rap. Why wasn't CBTM on college stations? He's useless because the pop releases don't even need much to be successful. And none of JKs promotions were new or unique or something they couldn't have gotten before SB either. And if he's doing something else behind the scenes, I don't think that's worth it either.

JK did have more GP tuning in, but his solo debut was still heavily carried by ARMYs who took advantage of every provided tool, so nothing revolutionary they couldn't have accomplished pre-SB. It wouldn't have worked for anyone else like I said before either, a good example being TXT and their Jo Bros collab which flopped. BSH was all overconfident (top 10 on billboard lol) about it because he thought the secret to success was simply - western producer, western collab, english - but their fans didn't care for the song and therefore it didn't do well. So yeah, at the end of the day it's about good music and/or having a big fandom willing to carry (and that very rare charisma the BTS members have). Not whatever stupid synergy strategy BSH thought he unlocked. Honestly I wonder if he's really that stupid to think that they could get a hit with just those things, but I'm starting to think so. Genuinely what good decision has he made lately that wasn't just following trends?

Won't rehash everything again but this MHJ drama did make me look back on all this discourse even though I swore I was done with it. I'm not as bothered by all of this now, I just think it's interesting to look back on and compare some of her criticisms of HYBE & BSH to many of our own criticisms and speculation. While I take her words with a massive grain of salt, I do think there's a lot of outside evidence to back up some of her claims about the company and their issues (and I'm not her fan or excusing her actions or saying she's always truthful either).

Of course I could be totally wrong, just my thoughts. I'll go back to looking forward to Jin returning and upcoming projects because at the end of the day the BTS members are the ones responsible for their own careers and they have to be the ones to advocate for themselves and deal with their company, but the plus side of this situation is that I hope at least some K-ARMYs are approaching the company with more scrutiny and hopefully holding them accountable for certain things, although I won't hold my breath. It was hilarious seeing HYBE's quick response to their complaints about Jin's hug event though. I wish I-ARMYs would stop being such company stans (you can criticize HYBE/BH without being a manti you know) but not getting my hopes up.

I just sincerely hope that this whole SB creative strategy won't carry over into BTS music, or any more of their solo work. I wouldn’t care if the quality was there, but imo it’s too inconsistent (I definitely enjoy most of Golden! Seven is a bop, SNTY is 10/10). It’s not about creating art or good music for them, it’s about trying to design a song that they think will chart. And songs like that will almost always lack in some way. So I hope this doesn’t become a pattern and the members retain their creative freedom and recognize that they definitely do not need to rely on those people for a hit (ofc unless the want to work with them).

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helldustedstories · 9 months ago

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Okay, but I want to talk about Stolas and his relationship with touch, affection, and praise, because they're all kind of wrapped up in one another. Under a cut for length.

When he was younger, he barely saw his father. The day he received his grimoire was the first time he'd seen him all year, and Paimon didn't even tell him 'happy birthday;' he just greeted him, completely forgetting his name, and told him that it was finally time for him to 'become a true part of the Goetia family. Good for you.'

After that, he very quickly told Stolas what his duty in Hell was going to be, gave him the grimoire, and then announced that he was destined to 'sire a precautionary heir,' which meant that he was never going to have any say in how his life turned out. It was all planned for him right from the start. The picture that Paimon showed Stolas of his future wife was one where she was abusing her pets, something that was understandably upsetting on top of the news he'd just received. When Stolas starts crying in reaction, Paimon pats him on the head, the touch condescending and anything but comforting or affectionate. Stolas even flinches when he pats him, which suggests he's used to less than gentle touch, by that point.

He's used to his father not being there or being less than gentle, which sets up an expectation for other. Because if his father, who loves him (because fathers are supposed to be loving, right?) treats him that way, of course other people are going to as well, right?

And then later, when Stolas bows to Blitzo, being the polite young gentleman he is, Paimon hits him to correct him, calling him an idiot in the process. It definitely wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. Paimon's simply not around as much as he could be, but Stolas almost certainly had physical correction applied whenever he did something wrong (a rap across the knuckles with a ruler, a smack upside the head, like when he bowed to Blitzo; little things that add up).

He was also very isolated, mostly only interacting with the household servants and his tutors, none of which showed him more than cursory attention, the way one does to the son of their employer. So he grew up touch-starved, isolated, and desperate for any sort of attention or affection.

Additionally, he was frequently belittled and told that he was stupid, ugly, worthless, that he wouldn't amount to anything, which very much stuck with him and he started to internalize. He's used to just kind of ducking his head and going along with it, to minimize any attention on him, because so frequently when people are paying attention to him, it's negative.

He's more likely to expect a physical blow than any sort of gentle affection, especially when it's preceded by raised voices. Stella was more likely to throw objects than to throw hands, at least at first, but he still flinches sometimes when someone is upset with him, just out of habit. Though he's gotten pretty good at keeping any physical reaction to a minimum, as a means of self-preservation.

Stolas also got very good at deflecting and defusing situations because he had to after Via was born. He showers her with love and affection, because he doesn't want her to end up like him.

Because as much as he craves touch, affection, and praise, actually receiving them is another matter. When he's comfortable with someone, he very much wants to be touching them frequently, even if it's just something simple like the brush of his hand against theirs, because it reassures him, fills part of the hollowness that he constantly feels because he wants to be held, to be cared for.

So he channels that into caring for others: usually his plants and his daughter.

But as is a theme in his life, everything changes when Blitz shows up again. Stolas tries to joke and flirt, not really expecting anything to happen, but he'd had something to drink, and the first person he'd ever called his friend had seemed to enjoy his company when they were children, maybe that hadn't changed. Maybe he really was here to see Stolas.

The two of them sit down on the nearby chaise lounge and talk a little bit, until Blitz is the one that initiates any sort of touch between them. Stolas is immediately flustered and doesn't know what to do, going so far as to back away from Blitz. Because at this point, he's never experienced any touch that is romantic or positive in a sexual nature; he's been married to Stella for quite some time, and he disassociated whenever they had physical contact. So he's understandably a bit flustered because he's experiencing attraction for the first time, too.

Blitz pursues him, putting all of the attention on Stolas, which he is not used to, especially in this sort of situation, but he doesn't push him away. It's new, it's exciting, and he finds that he actually wants what Blitz seems to be offering. He has no idea how to put that into words, and he stammers over an answer when Blitz asks him what he wants him to do to him. Which is the point that Blitz bites him, tipping that needle over from "I want this but I'm uncomfortable" to "oh my god, I want this."

When Blitz pushes him back down onto the bed, he latches onto that, immediately asking Blitz if he likes to be in charge, to command. He goes right into playing that up, going from the idea of commanding to kinky in seconds, because any of the knowledge he possesses about this sort of situation came from books. Blitz tells him to stop, and he immediately does.

It's at that point that Blitz blindfolds him and ties him to the bed, which Stolas takes to mean that more touch is coming, something he says he's craved for a very long time. Blitz could have just left him there, but he didn't. He stayed and he fulfilled that desire: he gave Stolas what he'd been craving, showed him what it was like to be touched and wanted, which also served to show him what he had been missing.

Because up until that point, he thought there was something wrong with him. I've talked about it a little bit before, but my interpretation of Stolas is that he's both gay and on the ace spectrum, specifically demiromantic and demisexual, which means he needs an emotional connection to feel more for someone than just appreciating them aesthetically. He hasn't necessarily come to terms with this sort of label yet, which was why his initial night with Blitz meant more to him than some casual fling would have, because he already had an emotional connection, which made the physical that much more intense.

Things with Stella got even worse, at that point. He was able to block her blow so easily the one time he stood up for himself because he was expecting it, because she'd done it before.

So while he craves touch, there's also part of him that expects the worst when he actually gets it.

Which is part of the reason he leans so much into the BDSM side of things with Blitz, especially in the beginning. Because if he expects pain, if it's controlled and given out as part of the touch, part of the experience, and not just a negative, then that's fine. It's something he expects and can handle, and even find pleasurable, because it's controlled and it's not coming from a place of anger, of fear. It's actually coming from a place of trust and of care, which is an entirely new experience for him.

He can handle being touched, leans into it, because he so desperately wants and needs it.

Affection, on the other hand, is harder for him to deal with because it's so foreign. He frequently feels that he's not worth the time and attention it takes to reach some level of caring for him, even if he's desperate for it.

The same sort of thing goes for genuine praise. If someone tells him he did something well or he's good at something, his first instinct is to pick apart whatever they're complimenting, because he clearly could have done better. They're not actually complimenting him; they're trying to show him how he failed.

It's even worse when someone tells him he's pretty. He wears nice clothes and does what he can, but he's been told from a very young age that he's ugly and disgusting, which is definitely taking some time to unlearn.

But the more he spreads his wings (so to speak) and experiences more and comes to terms with the fact that his treatment wasn't okay and wasn't his fault, the more he unlearns the things he was told. It's been a long road to get to where he is, and he definitely still has days where he doesn't feel like he's worth anyone's time or attention, but he is definitely trying.

#ᯓ★ stolas : headcanon #✎ helldustedstories : meta; aka mal thinks too much about things #[really I should have called this one 'an analysis of The Circus]#[but here we are]#[this got longer than I expected oops]#long post cw

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