#but I am still glad I attempted it since I love the art in this comic so much

[elodee]

HERMIT A DAY MAY - DAY 10

Stressmonster x Cucumber Quest

For Stressmonster I chose the wonderful webcomic Cucumber Quest!

I chose this design for her because I thought her colors and aesthetic would work wonderfully with the art style. I also think she would probably appreciate how cute the comic is if she were familiar with it.

This one was very difficult for me and I'm still not entirely satisfied with how it turned out. The rendering for this comic uses a very different style than what I'm used to, and I had some trouble reverse-engineering how the visuals are created, so it didn't turn out as on model as I would have liked. But, that being said, I think she looks adorable anyway. I also totally made up how the kitty would look, since as far as I can remember there aren't any kitties in Cucumber Quest, so I came up with her design from scratch.

To learn more about Cucumber Quest and see my style references, adventure below the cut! (The funds are still raising for Gamers Outreach!)

Cucumber Quest is sweet, beautiful webcomic by the artist Gigi D.G. It follows the adventures of a young rabbit boy named Cucumber and his sister, Almond, as they go on a quest to defeat the Nightmare Knight. Unfortunately Cucumber Quest will not be finished as a comic, due to changing circumstances in the authors personal life, but the story will eventually be concluded as an illustrated script and every one of the over 800 pages of the comic is more than worth reading.

I cannot say enough good things about Cucumber Quest. It has a charming, engaging story, beautiful art, and fun, memorable characters. Please give it a read if you have the chance, you will not regret it. Style references:

The comic uses a lineless style and soft color palettes. The shading changes drastically with the lighting, but I tried to mimic the style as it looks with flat lighting (such as in most panels of the above example).

Here's an example of a character rendered with more dynamic lighting (this is Peridot, she is a witch)

Cucumber Quest title banner

[redheadspark]

Hi, this is first time I am asking someone for a story, but your prompts are so fun... Well my request is for Benedict and can you pla make a combo of prompt #2 & #19 (did you know its going to be this hot, write it to confirm 😅) and when its about Benedict it will be fun to read something smuty 😉

Hope I am not being very demanding ... Thanks in advance 💮

A/N - This was great to write, I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the request!

Distract

Summary - Benedict knows how to distract you, even on a hot day

Warnings - Just fluff and a HINT of steam ;)

“Are you sure all the windows are open, dear?”

“Trust me, darling.  I have every single window open in attempts to give us some relief with the breeze,” 

You hummed, using the fan as much as you could as your husband, Benedict Bridgerton, was working away at his canvas and trying his best to finish the latest piece he was working on for a month.  You loved watching him work, it was a peaceful time when you two would be in his art studio while you would be working on your correspondence and Benedict was painting.  It was what you two would do every Sunday before you would have to start your hectic weekly schedules again. 

You’ve been married to Benedict for almost 5 years now, you two have known each other since you were young and were madly in love with one another in your teens.  Of course, you both had to wait until you both were old enough for Benedict to properly court you, then propose to you.  It was rather silly since you both knew even as early teens that you would be married to each other for all of your lives.  It was also a perk that your families were close friends, both sets of parents were already inwardly planning on your courtship when they saw the spark between the pair of you.  It was safe to say that his mother, the sweet and kind Violet Bridgerton, was beyond happy to gain another daughter in her household and with her name.

You were glad too.

Having a small apartment in the Bridgerton Estate was an immense blessing, having new siblings to get to know and be social with, your own space to share with Benedict, and simply have your time as a wife with him.  He was beyond an amazing husband, making things light in diet times, knowing when to make you laugh when you were sad or simply hold you when you needed physical contact.  You both had flaws, but talking through them together as a team made it all worthwhile.  

But now there was a minor heat wave that came through the area, and even the massive Bridgerton estate would not bring any relief that would help you anytime soon.  

“Did you know it was going to be this hot today?” You asked nonchalantly as you were scanning the stack of envelopes on the desk for you to peer through.

“I wish I did, then we would have planned a better outing,” Benedict answered.  

“Perhaps we should have escaped to the lake, like Kate and Anthony,” you hummed as you looked over another ball invitation while fanning yourself, Benedict chuckling from his spot at his easel while he was drawing a long stripe of blue on the canvas.

“I’d rather be in an audience of their…love for one another,” Benedict replied with a snort, making you giggle as you looked over in his direction.  He was still dressed somewhat formally, you both coming back from a luncheon with your mother-in-law.  His blue coat and undershirt brought out the shine in his eyes and the flushness in his cheeks, making him look even more enchanting than ever.  

Every once in a while you would get lost in his appearance: whether he was working deep on a piece of art and his skin was stained in ink or charcoal, or even when you two were chatting during dinner and he was ranting about a family story.  He had a way with you, a way to make you lose your train of thought or make time stand still.  

“Darling?”

You blinked, seeing that Benedict stopped his painting and was watching you with a hint of concern, “Are you well?”

You smiled and blinked slowly, placing your fan on the desk and resting a hand on your cheek as you tilted your head at him, “More than well, since I get a marvelous view of my husband being a marvelous artist,”

Benedict grinned, the smirk he showed you was enough to make your stomach flip.  You knew that look, something reserved for the pair of you out of the public eye.  He may have Benn posted as a gentleman when it came to his name and how to conduct himself, but it was a different scenario when you two were alone.  He knew how to make you cave from a simple look or sweet talk.  Benedict has always been a flirt, before you got together and then after.  But most of the time you were the object of his flirtations.  

Which you would never object to.

“Just marvelous? Oh, you wound me,” He replied, you ruling your eyes as he continued, “The words I would use for my wife would be far more expressive,”

“Oh would they?” You asked, taking the bait that he was dangling for you.  Benedict could only smile, placing the paint brush on the easel before he walked over towards you.  He went around the desk, his eyes still drilling into yours with a signature smile as his fingers traced along the top of the dress, almost making a mess of your letter pile while he was getting closer to you.  It felt like you were frozen in your spot in the chair, your fan staying still in your hand, Benedict reaching over to take the fan from your hand delicately.

“Divine…exquisite…intelligent….kind….angelic….” He laced every word with love and affection, inching closer and closer to you as he was now perched on the top of the desk, his eyes twinkled in the sunlight and your breath was lost in your throat.  You felt every single one of those words hit you along your chest, making you feel so loved and almost as light as air.  

As soon as he was close enough to have his lips brush against yours, you felt your stomach summersault as he eyed your lips for the briefest of moments.  

“Just to name a few,” He whispered, you eyeing his lips in return as you finally grinned widely at you.

You dived in, kissing him deeply as he was perched over you on the desk.  You both kissed, leaning into each other smoothly and with no hesitation while it felt like you couldn’t get closer than ever before.  This was nothing new for you two, especially when it came to the throws of love.  Benedict was an amazing lover, knowing which buttons to push and where to touch you with both his lips and hands.  There was never a dull moment with your husband when it came to pleasure, and he would surprise you in the best way possible.

“Take off your jacket, the hell?” You huffed against his lips as you reached to push his blue jacket off.  Benedict laughed, kissing you deeply as he threw off the jacket to toss it to the floor you spoke again, “You’re making me hot just by looking at you,”

“Just by my looks?” Benedict asked in a breath, you laughing as he reached to undo a bit of your dress with his nimble and skilled fingers, “I must be lacking then.  Perhaps I should brush up a bit more,”

“Yes you must,” You hummed in return, almost in a growl.  You both let the rest of the world slip away, just like your dress slipping to the floor as well as his trousers.  

That hot day was bearable after all. 

The End

July Prompt Session

[vasyandii]

I'm kicking my feet I love your oc Vernon! Let me pry though: have Vernon and AM ever kissed, or will they ever kiss? Also does AM enjoy the sensation of Vernon close to him or when she touches him, like in your art of her using him as an AC LOL

AAAAH Howdy howdy!! I'm so glad you like Vernon as I've worked real hard on her! Thank you so much for the ask! 💞💞 I will be answering these in reverse order!

VernonAM 🏺🖥️

Does AM enjoy the sensation of Vernon close to him/when she touches him?

I like to believe AM's come a long way with being touched. When he first transferred his consciousness over to his body, it was sensory overload. The WORST kind.

Everything was too loud, too quiet, he could smell EVERYTHING, everything was too hot, too cold, not hot enough, his mouth felt dry even with the saliva he had, how much it hurt feeling the air in his lungs, HE COULD FEEL HIS EYEBALLS IN HIS SKULL. It was like being born, it was awful. Like Nietzsche said; "To live is to suffer."

Vernon sat him down, trying to calm him since this is technically the first "human" she's seen after 109 years.

AM could feel every fold of his clothing rubbing against his skin, every microscopic fibre stabbing his skin. The residual warmth from Vernon touching him to sit him down so he wouldn't collapse caused AM to start screaming, sobbing.

Because he had no mouth (roll credits) prior to this, he didn't know how to use it to form words. He couldn't articulate what was wrong in his fit of screaming and tears.

And so his body went limp not 10 minutes after. He got out of there, telling Vernon that it's the closest thing he could compare to the torture he put on the other five. Vernon had to convince him to come back again or she'd tear the damn body apart and eat it.

It took months, baby steps of getting him adjusted in being a man. They spent weeks on smell, touch, and heat before they would even consider movement. It was tough on Vernon's end, smart as she is, she's a terrible teacher, asking AM to leave her alone for a few hours or days, lashing out when he's in such a vulnerable state.

But Vernon persisted, and finally AM got to hold her comfortably. Fast forward to now, AM has grown quite fond of the sensation of touch and touching things just for the sake of it. They could be sitting and he'd have it so their shoulders are touching.

AM is fond of Vernon's touch, that's the only time she's gentle (despite her words) with anything that might have the possibility of breaking. He enjoys her softness and warmth; How protective she is of him. AM can't articulate genuine care since his hatred for humanity is still there, but he's grateful, even despite his taunts.

Have AM and Vernon ever kissed? Will they ever kiss?

They kiss often, those two degenerates. It almost makes me jealous how often they kiss (D1 hater over here).

Vernon's technically kissed him before, just to get him comfortable, but it's never on the lips or near his face, usually his wrists and knuckles. Exposure therapy along with affection, basically. He didn't try to kiss her back until he was fully prepared to.

After fully adjusting to his new body, AM was finally able to kiss Vernon. He wasn't very good at it his first attempt. It was more similar to AM headbutting Vernon than an actual kiss.

Having a body gave way to a new emotion; embarrassment. Since he's now technically on the same level as her (in height as well, he's a lil dude) he was embarrassed that his first attempt didn't go as planned. When he didn't have a body, there was nothing to be judged, but now he does.

After brushing it off as him being curious and just feeling like headbutting her, AM didn't attempt to kiss her on the lips until he was sure he was ready.

Their proper first kiss was quite nice.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading my mad man words! I tend to ramble a ton, so if there's anything you'd like for me to clarify, feel free to tell me!

[cosmicdream222]

have you entered the void before?

I'm asking cause I've seen you post about it a bunch times with different methods to enter

Also, thank you for introducing me to the phase method! I'm using it and another method (one I created) to enter

Hey! Glad to hear the Phase has been helpful for you! Happy to answer your question, but it’s a bit more complicated than a yes/no answer and I’m feeling rambly today so you’re gonna get a whole backstory on how this blog came to be 😂

Backstory about me & this blog

I’d been in the personal development manifestation community since around 2016, and it was my life for a long time. But the kind of manifesting these people taught was basically like… wake up at 5am, work out, journal, meditate, shadow work, tarot cards, affirmations, cold showers, start a business, post no less than 10 times a day across your 5+ social media channels, and maybe if you hustle hard enough and cleared enough past life karma and Mercury isn’t retrograde, then the universe might grant your wishes... (if you don’t die of exhaustion first. 😅)

It really was a mess and realize now despite the facade of positive thinking and good vibes, the whole community really just keeps themselves identifying with lack & victim mentality so the coaches at the top profit off everyone else’s misery.

I believed in manifesting and had faith I would achieve my goals, but despite years of trying a million different things, only saw small or short-term successes and never seemed to get anywhere. I was feeling pretty burnt out and miserable, so summer 2023 I decided to stop trying so hard and just spend some time focused on myself and what I wanted. I went back to the two methods that I’ve always loved and had success with: affirmations and tapping.

I tapped every day and started making affirmation art and lockscreen wallpaper for fun. I posted the affirmations on Pinterest, which eventually lead me to finding affirmations pinned from tumblr. I think it was a screenshot from blushydior I saw at first, but her blog was deactivated by then. So I started stumbling around tumblr (around Aug-Sept 2023 at this point), where I eventually came across loa, the void, and shifting.

I was surprised because despite my extreme research into all things personal development & spiritual, I’d never heard of it. Although I’d read about quantum physics and more supernatural things, every coach/teacher had major limits. “Manifesting” only meant getting logical earth things like making 6 figures in your business through hard work and hustle so you can afford to travel and buy luxury cars & Chanel bags. Stuff like changing the past, waking up with all your desires, etc was absolutely impossible and not even talked about except “you can’t change the past”.

So having only heard about these incredible overnight life-changing manifestations from tumblr, I was skeptical and wanted more information. I basically started this blog to collect information from outside tumblr to prove it to myself and share with others. Which of course sent me down a rabbit hole of research and overconsumption and overcomplicating the void 😅

I did get kinda obsessed and throw myself into trying every shifting & void method I saw right away, which just left me frustrated with “failed” attempts. But I see now I was just repeating the same victim mentality from the old community - that everything had to be hard and a struggle, that I was a victim of circumstance and limited by a higher power. (This is also a really commonly held limiting belief in religion and society in general that affects many people.)

It took me more than a few months to realize, but I’m finally switching my default programming to that of a creator instead of a victim. Because I don’t want to be obsessed and put the void on a pedestal, I’m currently just working on my self concept that I am in control of my reality and can manifest whatever I want - with or without the void. I still do want to experience it of course, just want to make sure I’m going at it with a healthy mindset.

However!

About a week or two ago I read someone’s void success story that triggered a memory from many years ago: I realized I actually did wake up in the void and manifested something, long before I even knew what manifesting or the void was 😭 Because I’d always believed in supernatural things, I thought I had a “psychic dream” but now I know it was the void! (If anyone wants storytime I can make another post with more detail).

And since at the time, I entered without even knowing about the void’s existence, I realize we here or tumblr really do overcomplicate it. Like the video I posted where the void is described as the midway point between wake and sleep - it really is that simple!

I’ve noticed now that whenever I wake up naturally (not getting woken up by an alarm, outside noise, or cat jumping on me) I do always seem to wake up in the void. It’s the same kind of experience, and I don’t hear anything, but my first natural instinct when I wake up is to wonder where the sounds of my environment are. So I end up tuning in to my room and snapping out of the void.

I guess I just have to train myself to make my first thought an affirmation for my desires instead of just wondering where the sounds are 😅 But regardless, now I know it’s absolutely real and possible for me, I know it’s only a matter of time until I figure it out!

[auspex]

VtM Fangfest 2024 Prompt 7: The Lovers

Hello! Here is my seventh fic for Fangfest 2024 :)

All my fics will be about characters that are previously established, so you might not have context for everything mentioned or hinted at within :( Feel free to reach out to ask I love explaining!

I've never really posted my writing before so be kind!

my first fic is here

my second fic is here

my third fic is here

my fourth fic is here

my fifth fic is here

my sixth fic is here

This fic is about Mark and Cassidy, of course!!! Art of them here

They've done quite a bit together which I reference but could not fully explain below... so apologies for things mentioned without context!

I love them so much though <3 this is set just before they become a couple officially :)

Mark found himself overthinking his outfit as he walked down the endless stairs to the chantry entrance. Was wearing a whole new outfit, the one that he had picked out no less, too much? He hoped not. Surely it makes sense. Yeah. It didn’t matter, probably. Or maybe it did. Cassidy did seem to care about taste. Mark attempted to reason with himself though; one outfit wouldn’t make-or-break this. Either he was reading things correctly, and Cassidy was simply playing coy by not initiating things, or he didn’t like Mark, and nothing he did at this point would change that. 

Such were Mark’s thoughts as he made his way all the way to Cassidy’s haven. He took a deep breath before knocking. He will definitely be able to tell I’m nervous. 

Cassidy was already smiling when he opened the door. Mark couldn’t help but smile back and his nerves eased a bit. 

“Hello, Mark. I am glad you could make it. Come in.” 

“Ah, of course. I’m glad things are settling down.” Cassidy’s haven was as put-together as always; the blue couch he had helped Cassidy pick out was neatly decorated with matching pillows, and the bookshelves were finally both filled and organized. It was odd to see the room only lit by lamps; Mark missed the artificial sunlight previously provided by Gaius. He looked around and listened for anyone. “No Lillian?”

“No, she is making her report to Dr. White soon and so when I mentioned you were coming she went to her laboratory to focus.” Cassidy sighed. “I will have to make mine to him soon as well. Though it will be a successful report, I am not looking forward to the loss of free time.” He slumped onto the couch as he finished the sentence. 

Mark went to sit next to him. “Oh, yes, that makes sense. Erm, how often do you think we’ll be able to see each other, after that?” 

“It’s hard to say. I only know that it will be less.” He gave Mark a sad smile. “When I have time, I will certainly reach out to see if you are available.” 

“I would like that a lot, Cassidy. I should have a predictable schedule. Things have changed for me lately.” 

There was silence for a moment before Cassidy hesitantly spoke. “Ever since your sire met final death, yes?” He opened his notebook. 

Mark raised an eyebrow at the notebook but answered anyway. “Yes. He was, well, he asked a lot of me. And obviously entirely uh, changed my life, for the worse, I suppose. But there was a level of direction, and even of safety in a way, that I don’t have now - no one is telling me what to do, or asking what I’ve been doing, so. There’s a lot to figure out.” 

“I understand. What’s the phrase - ah, things have been turned upside down for you. And I know you said you were doing just fine, but sometimes, one’s emotional response to such a large change is delayed, so please remember, you can always talk to me.” 

“Thanks Cassidy. I’m doing ok though, really.” Mark attempted a smile. 

“Hm. I had asked you before what you wanted, Mark. Remember, after we were investigating that supposed Anarch party? At that time you said safety, and people you could talk to. Has that remained the same since your sire’s death?” 

Mark pursed his lips in thought; it was a question he had asked himself already yet still had difficulty answering. Before he got to that though: “Well actually, at the time of answering, I did want those things, but what I was really working towards was freedom from him, though as you might guess I had mixed feelings about it even then.” 

“This makes sense, and it is wise to keep such things close to your chest.” Cassidy made a note. “And what do you want now, then?” 

“I’m still not sure.” He made eye contact with Cassidy as he continued. “I have found people to talk to. And I’m finding some measure of safety, especially considering I won’t be asked to complete deadly tasks by my sire anymore. But I don’t know, Cassidy. I had a whole, uh, living life just a year ago and so much has changed. I know I sound like a broken record, but I’m still struggling to find my footing.”

Cassidy was writing quickly now. “And the sudden breaking of the bond didn’t help with this, as well as losing his direction, I am sure.”

Managing a weak smile, Mark replied. “No, it did not. I’m managing okay though, I think. Still, a lot changed. There are people and things I miss.”

“Certainly. It will get better with time.”

“Yeah, I guess so. You uh, help too.” Cassidy’s pen pauses for a moment. 

“You as well.” Cassidy replies quietly. “I appreciate you sharing all of this with me. I find it interesting, yet I am sure it is hard to talk about.” 

Mark scratches his neck as he speaks. “Well, like I said, you help. What do you mean by me helping you too, though?” 

Cassidy pauses first, and then speaks deliberately. “I suppose, I meant that there are things I miss too, and you remind me of them, in a good way. How is Bartholomew, also? Has he scratched up and destroyed any of your new furniture yet?” 

Mark adjusted his glasses, somewhat taken aback by the shift in topic. “Oh, not yet, but he does enjoy hiding under things. If you would like to see him, I am sure I’d be able to invite you somewhat soon, I would just have to discuss it with my roommate.” 

“Yes, I do remember you mentioning a roommate; I am curious. What is his name?” 

“Erm, JP.” 

“How did you come to live with him? Is he someone you are perhaps considering to allow into your coterie as a new member?”

“Ah, I don’t want to go into it too much, but it really just makes sense. We both are in basically the same situation and I wanted to help him out. There aren’t any issues, he just wanted some alone time and I should let him know if you’ll be coming over.” Mark smiled. “Unlike Lillian, he doesn’t have another private space to go to.

“That certainly makes sense, then. Shall we watch Fight Club now?” Cassidy was already moving to set the movie up. 

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Dammit. Mark had wanted to ask him before the movie started, but despite wracking his brain, he could not figure out how to ask. 

“You haven’t explained this movie to me yet. What is it about? Or is it intended to be a surprise?” Cassidy placed the movie in the player, and sat back down on the couch.

Was he sitting a bit closer or am I just hoping he is? Mark roused the blood to make his skin warm just in case as he replied. “It’d be better not to spoil it. I really do think you’ll like this movie, though it's not as, erm.” Mark shook his head from side to side and adjusted his glasses as he sought the right words. “Well, the themes are not as… explicit as the previous two we saw.” 

“I see. Will that be made up for in other ways?” Cassidy’s voice was entirely deadpan. 

“Oh, I’ll let you judge that for yourself.” Mark glanced at Cassidy’s notebook, which was in his lap as usual. His pen was poised to take notes. 

This time, Mark struggled not to sneak glances at Cassidy to see his reactions to the movie. Last time they watched a movie together, Mark hadn’t seen it before and had found it engrossing, making it much easier to focus. Since Mark had already seen this movie, he was much more interested in Cassidy than the screen. It didn’t help that they were sitting so close this time. Maybe he really had sat closer intentionally? 

Cassidy made notes frequently, and overall Mark observed that he appeared quite interested. He adjusted how he was sitting periodically, seemingly lost in thought, and tilted his head towards Mark. In these adjustments, most brought him closer to Mark - he still couldn’t tell if it was on purpose, but it was becoming harder to deny that it was. 

During a quiet scene, Cassidy caught Mark looking at him. By this point, Cassidy had maneuvered himself quite close to Mark, close enough for Mark to make out his eyelashes behind the reflected light in his glasses. 

They held eye contact for a long moment before Mark abruptly stared straight ahead at the movie. He felt the sleeve of Cassidy’s shirt brush against him as Cassidy then also turned his attention back towards the movie. If Mark just sat back a bit… 

And now they were touching, sitting with their arms against each other’s. Cassidy’s arm was cold for only a moment before he reciprocated Mark’s warmth.

Mark tried to relax, and failing that miserably, attempted to be very still instead, which was not so hard since he did not need to breathe. The positioning was awkward, but moving would either move Mark further from Cassidy, or require him to more overtly hold him, neither of which he wanted to do. 

Some time passed, and then, without looking at him, Cassidy spoke in a neutral tone. “Is this comfortable for you?” 

“Um. N- I mean, uh, I don’t mind.” 

“Hm. Is this better?” Cassidy shifted both forward and then closer to Mark; he was now somewhat leaning into his shoulder, with Mark’s arm almost around him. Without saying anything, Mark then moved to change that ‘almost’ to an ‘actually.’

Cassidy’s head was now close enough to Mark’s where it was in his peripheral vision even if he looked at the screen. Both kindred made slight adjustments until they were quite comfortable. 

“Yeah, that’s better. Th-thanks.” 

Cassidy did not reply, seemingly focused on the movie. Eventually, he pulled his legs towards his chest, placed his notebook in his lap, and leaned fully into Mark, crossing his arms. It was quite comfortable, really. 

This meant Mark had to shift to look at him again, which he did, unable to suppress a smile. Cassidy was right there; Mark could not have told you what was happening in the movie. He gave in to a sudden urge to touch Cassidy’s hair; tucking it behind his head, smoothing a strand, while being careful to not actually touch his face. 

Cassidy was still at first, then leaned into him more, so his hair almost brushed Mark’s cheek. Mark wished he could see his face, even if he knew he likely wouldn’t be able to read his facial expression anyway. 

Soon, the end of the movie came. As “Where Is My Mind?” played over the end credits, neither kindred moved. When the song was ending, Cassidy reached for his notebook. 

Still being essentially held by Mark, he started their customary discussion of the movie. “I quite enjoyed that, though unfortunately I do think some cultural references may have been lost on me. If anything, I should study this film further. I am curious, were you able to predict the ending the first time you watched it?” 

~ 

The credits had long since finished rolling and Cassidy had run out of questions about the movie. Fight Club had been the only thing they had discussed, neither giving any acknowledgment of their intimate position. Once they both had stopped speaking, Mark was very conscious of himself and his movements, no longer occasionally playing with Cassidy’s hair. The pair was sitting still in silence, faced by only a blue screen. 

Mark mustered his courage to say something and turned to Cassidy’s head, who at the same time turned to face him. Cassidy’s face was illuminated by the bluescreen, and his eyes looked directly into Mark’s. Their faces were closer than they had been before, in heavy silence. 

“You look handsome in this light.” Mark managed to choke out just above a whisper. “Though, you always do.” 

Cassidy’s eyebrows furrowed in a look of surprise and almost disbelief; vulnerable. He opened his mouth as if he was about to respond, but instead turned and buried his face in Mark’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around him in a hug. Mark felt Cassidy’s glasses press into his shoulder as Cassidy essentially nuzzled into him. 

“Oh.” Mark found himself holding Cassidy and slowly rubbing his back, unsure if he should say something else. 

They sat like that for a minute before Cassidy pulled away and made eye contact with Mark once again. His face was composed, though his hair had gotten somewhat tangled, when he finally replied. “Mark, I share the sentiment. I.” He closed his eyes for a moment, apparently recomposing himself. “I appreciate you sharing that. You, ah, probably will not be surprised to hear that I am not very experienced in this.” 

“This?” Mark raised an eyebrow, slightly teasing. 

“You know.” Mark felt Cassidy’s arm strain for a moment as if to gesture before Cassidy realized it was pinned behind Mark’s back. “Um.” 

“Yes?” 

“Well, what would you call it?” Cassidy gave a surprisingly awkward smile, slightly showing teeth even, which Mark had only seen him do once before when he first offered him a TV. However, this smile looked more anxious than happy. 

“Wha- Cassidy. You’ve said it yourself that you’re not experienced in many things. How am I supposed to guess which you mean now?” Emboldened, he reached around to fix Cassidy’s hair. 

Wait, hang on, was he about to cry? Mark got a glimpse of Cassidy’s composure breaking once again before he quickly set his glasses aside, and returned to Mark’s shoulder, face hidden. It was more comfortable than before without the glasses digging into him. 

“Oh, um, it’s alright. It’s ok.” Mark tried to make his voice reassuring; he wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong but clearly Cassidy wanted comfort. He checked his watch as he went to start rubbing his back again. Good, it wasn’t even 11 yet. “I, I like what is happening right now, if you do too. We can just do this for a while.” 

Mark felt him nod and hold him more tightly. Resolving to go at Cassidy’s pace for the rest of the evening, he refrained from teasing him further and returned to stroking his hair. He really loved Cassidy’s hair. 

The room was quiet save for the low buzzing of the TV. Mark continued for several minutes before Cassidy sat up again. This time, he sat up a bit straighter, took Mark’s hands into his own, and looked down at them.

Cassidy took a long, slow breath, seemingly just to steady himself, and finally spoke. “What I mean to say is, I suppose, is that I am not used to…” he trailed off. “To any of this.” He closed his eyes as he took another breath he didn’t need, and continued. “I don’t know what I’m doing, so once again, I will follow your lead.” Cassidy slowly started to run his thumb across Mark’s knuckles, but stopped himself, as he waited for a reply. 

“Right. Uhm, this is nice. But we should be clear on where we uh, stand.” Mark cleared his throat, prompting Cassidy to look up. Mark wasn’t used to seeing him without his glasses, nor Cassidy looking so wistful, or maybe worried, or maybe even hopeful - he had managed a trace of a smile. He stumbled over his words. “Uhm, right. Cassidy, I, well, I am, glad that I’ve met you and that we can spend time together. I uh, I like you. I’m romantically interested in you, is what I mean. Which I’m sure you can tell. God.” Mark’s voice lowered. “You know, it’s hard to confess when you’re looking at me like that.” 

Cassidy said “oh” in a very soft voice. He swallowed, but managed to maintain eye contact after a quick glance down at Mark’s lips. “I feel the same.” 

The two just looked at each other for a few moments, before Cassidy continued. “What now?”

“Whatever we want. I can stay for longer.” He started moving closer to Cassidy’s face as he whispered, “a lot longer.” 

Cassidy tilted his head and closed his eyes.

Mark felt his nose brush Cassidy’s own, and shifted to meet his lips. He started kissing him slowly, and was able to tell that Cassidy was mirroring his own movements - following his lead. Mark held Cassidy’s head with one hand and his waist with the other to shift him to a better angle; Cassidy similarly held Mark, though did not change his position. 

Mark enjoyed being able to almost teach Cassidy, in a way - the thought that this may be Cassidy’s first kiss, or perhaps first kiss with a man, or at the very least his first kiss in decades, rang in Mark’s head and he did everything he could to make it a good one, while not going too far. He kept his mouth mostly closed, only using hints of tongue. 

Cassidy whimpered softly, very nearly overwhelmed but not quite. 

Mark smiled as he kept going, maintaining the same mild intensity, holding Cassidy close, enjoying the feel of his lips and shy reciprocation of everything Mark did. This was his first time kissing anyone since his embrace, and it felt odd that his breathing remained steady despite his intense nerves. God, he couldn’t believe this was really happening. 

He pulled away briefly to look at Cassidy. He looked beautiful, staring up at him. 

After only a moment though, when Mark leaned in for another kiss, Cassidy leaned away. Seeing Mark’s look of concern, he took a breath and spoke. “That was wonderful, Mark.” Cassidy’s voice was full of emotion for a moment, making Mark’s heart hurt, before shifting to his moderate tone. “However, it’s… not something I’m used to. I need some time. As always though, I enjoy our time together, and I am sure I will even more in the future.” He stood up, and waited for Mark to follow him towards the door.

“Ah, what? Um, I mean. Ok.” Mark was not able to hide neither the surprise nor disappointment from his voice. “We- we can go slow I guess. We have eternity, after all.” 

“Indeed. I will see you soon, before I return to a formal schedule, hopefully.” He held the door open for Mark. 

“Right, uh, I will see you soon.” Mark paused in the door. “Goodbye?” He gave an awkward wave.

“Have a good evening, Mark.” Cassidy’s face was a mask.

~ 

It was very awkward leaving Cassidy’s haven. Sure, it had been awkward in the past, but it was different this time - Mark wasn’t sure why Cassidy wanted him to leave so early, even though they just admitted feelings for each other, and even kissed. Why did eternity have to wait? Why did Cassidy have to be so formal, after all of that? 

The walk up the stairs back from the chantry entrance felt like it took hours. 

Bonus:

Cassidy closed the door after Mark’s final wave goodbye. He stayed there for a moment, resting his head against the door, leaving his hand on the handle. 

Looking at his hand, Cassidy thought about how it had looked holding Mark’s. It was something he had only been able to imagine; now, it was something he could remember. He kept thinking about the sensation of Mark’s lips on his own, how his facial hair felt against his own face. The warmth of another pressed up against him - how badly he had craved that and how it was just as good as he half-remembered from over a century ago. 

Speaking of, he should write all this down. 

That thought brought him back to reality. 

The notebook was left abandoned on the couch; his attention had focused elsewhere and it had been left half open. This negligence concerned Cassidy. Even if it was in code, in the privacy of his own haven, on principle it should never be open and visible to others. 

Looking at it, Cassidy knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from crying for much longer. He quickly took the notebook and retreated into his private study, so that if Lillian got back early (against his wishes) she would not see him. 

Cassidy grabbed a cloth he normally used for cleaning and slumped into his new armchair. He missed his old one, but that had been destroyed when Lillian’s chimera got out of control. 

Now it was safe for Cassidy to let himself break. 

He started smiling and crying at the same time. The tears welled slowly, and Cassidy wiped his face deliberately each time; he knew it was healthy to cry, but it still did not come easily. He hadn’t wanted Mark to leave, though he was more patient than the fledgling and didn’t mind waiting to spend more time with him. But he could not cry in front of Mark, however, he could not have stopped himself from doing so much longer. 

He should have predicted this would happen. Perhaps he could have prepared himself better, or asked Mark to go slower, so he could keep his composure. Too late now.  

Steadying himself enough to write, he took out his pen and began recording, in his customary way, what had happened. The familiarity of it was calming. 

What did Mark say, exactly? ‘I’m romantically interested in you’, or something? 

Of course he would phrase it like that. 

[thatswhatsushesaid]

Why didn't Su She just grab JGY and teleport out of the temple? Was his cultivation level really low? Did he need a recharge??

it's funny you should send me this ask, anon, since it does form the basic premise of a fic I am working on (kind of).

sms's cultivation level and martial arts skills are quite good! before uncovering his identity as the mystery swordsman responsible for absconding with xue yang's body and, presumably, the stygian tiger tally, wwx is impressed by his techniques and capabilities. during the second siege of the burial mounds, sms is the one who leads his moling su disciples in performing the altered song of vanquishing to seal the spiritual energies of everyone else present at the siege--and, once he is found out, he makes use of a teleportation talisman to escape (abandoning his own disciples in the process after tricking them--not a good look, minshan). he's using these talents towards a terrible purpose in this moment, of course, but this speaks to someone who does have a strong cultivation base; his own guqin isn't named in the text, but it is described as a first class spiritual tool comparable to lan wangji's. just because he isn't lan wangji, lan xichen or nie mingjue doesn't mean he isn't a strong cultivator! he's just not a cultivation prodigy.

(though, as an aside, it takes a different kind of gumption and courage to go from being exiled from your sect and branded a coward, to establishing your own sect in mdzs's jianghu.)

so, bearing in mind that he did just exert a considerable amount of that energy during the second burial mounds siege, I do think he was 'running low,' as it were, and didn't have much left in the tank. that said, I do think it's possible that minshan could have made use of a teleportation talisman for both himself and jgy, just because of how much spiritual power he pours into nanping [edit: not nanping!! i forgot that lwj already shattered nanping earlier in the confrontation. so this is a different sword, but i think my point still stands] in his final attack on nmj moments before his death. I am glad that this moment was included in the donghua and very sad it was changed in cql:

(highlighting that short paragraph up top just to indicate the short-sightedness of huaisang's revenge vision quest here. nmj's fierce corpse is a danger to everyone in this confrontation, not just jgy; moments earlier, he'd not only lunged towards both jin ling and jiang cheng, but even towards lan xichen and huaisang himself.)

I love this paragraph; I love that in this moment, minshan's martial prowess and his strong cultivation base get to shine, because he is a character who has gone through the entire novel belittled and mocked and denigrated by everyone around him because of his cowardice, his inconsistent control over his spiritual abilities, and his decades-long grudge against the gusu lan (and lan wangji specifically). all of that remains true, and in this moment, he is incandescent and capable and putting every scrap of remaining power that he has into this attempt to strike down nmj and protect jgy. it's beautifully and vividly written and demonstrates just how unwavering his devotion is to the only person in the text to consistently treat him with respect and dignity.

that said--

the moment of his death unfortunately encapsulates his achilles' heel, both as a character and as a cultivator, imo. minshan's problem isn't that he has a weak spiritual core and weak martial arts: it's that he is impulsive and prone to extremely poor judgment in the heat of the moment (case in point: he curses jin zixun for the unforgivable crime of... wounding his pride. I mean, I too think jzn is a cunt, but like, come on minshan). he pours so much dazzling spiritual power into his sword that it shatters, rendering him defenceless in the face of nmj's attack.

imo this is a pivotal moment in the final confrontation in the guanyin temple where both sms and jgy could have escaped exactly as you suggest, anon. if sms has enough spiritual power remaining to accidentally shatter his sword, he probably has enough spiritual power to activate a teleportation talisman (either while nmj is still staring at the empty coffin or after forcing him back with that initial sword thrust) and escape through it with jgy in tow. but he didn't, because that isn't the judgment call he made in the moment.

[celestie0]

Girl I was balls deep in my attempt to make fanart for u a couple months ago

Like I had the reference pictures collated and I sat my ass down and picked up an pencil with the intention of actually drawing something after ages

cause basically I became a lil sad cause I felt like I forgot to draw bc last year in school I took an external art subject and it didn’t occur to me that doing a hands on subject through distance study wasn’t the brightest idea

anyway that fucked me over and led to me dropping and taking up fucking legal studies 😭

Even though I’m a bit more STEM based I can still fw the wordy subjects but not this someone pls save me why am I being assessed on the bi cameral structure of parliament

saur yh I’m super lazy as is with anything so that situation just put me off drawing and art completely

congrats to me setting every world record for yip yapping and going off track

ummm yh for context it was like my 10th read through of the kickoff chapter 6 scene that compelled me to collate a bunch of reference pics that ranged from twitter smut comics to bathroom sinks and eventually I gave up because anatomy is a bitch

I changed into a dress with the same type of neckline I think reader was wearing bc of the way it tucks under her boobies and I was this close to just shamelessly positioning myself in front of the mirror to make my own references

then ofc I got distracted by a half baked portrait of Rose from titanic that I drew when I was like 15 and ended up drawing a two hour long remake of the same picture

only for my friend to tell me it looks like Mary Shelly’s ghost

Should I know who that is

To be fair it looked nothing like her but I mean it was an improvement from thinking all my ability just went poof and I drew better when I was 15

never the less I was somewhat disappointed with the product and I haven’t drawn since

wait I wanna show u actually lemme try

https://share.icloud.com/photos/0edTRG9Tb54pRh9Qe5unszRrg

the Mary Shelly in question

do these links work I’m scared I’m gonna accidentally leak personal details or my whole camera roll lol

also IM NOT AN ARTIST don’t judge me peeps I’m just a girl idek how to drive yet

I feel bad every time I send an ask I feel like I’m force feeding u Ellie babes u have the patience and commitment of a saint

also OMG IF YOU MADE ART FOR ANY OF MY FICS I’D SOB!!!!

I want to 😞🫶 but alas prospect of fanart from me will most likely never see the light of day

that crack scene in ihm was tempting tho everything u write is just so visual

♥️ mwah my gorgeous gorgeous writer wifey

hellooo my dear PLS the ramble of this ask is legendary and i found it very entertaining xD

ouuu the dress that reader wears in ch6 of kickoff is actually based on a dress that i own, here's some pictures of it!! i'm curious if the dress you have is similar!! but yea this is the official outfit reference hahah

looking at it now it's kind of a mild sweetheart neckline lol n yea def tucks under the boobs very nicely xd i was actually gonna sell it on depop a couple months ago when i did a closet cleanout but i was like nahhh i gotta keep it bc it inspired that scene

taking your OWN reference pictures sounds so badass. and its ok babe it's the thought that counts haha <3 i feel u about the losing passion/talent in art thooo aaa i used to draw too but ehh hobbies fizzle

ahh i can't see the cloud photos :(( but anywho thanks for the yap my dear!! i ate it up. also side note but i'm so glad my writing comes off visual to you!! i always worry there's not enough description in my scenes so that's reassuring to hear. much love!

[ozwuv]

I love your art! So, I was wondering if you have any drawing tips you could give?

Hiii thank you so much for the kind words, I am really glad you like it!!! :’3

As far as tips, this is kind of a broad question that I think it varies widely in terms of how you want your art to look. Personally, my main priorities are fluidity and character interaction, so that’s what I focus on even though it means I don’t really draw elaborate backgrounds and such. I’m sure I could become better at other things if I tried, but I’m not a professional nor am I trying to be, so I just focus on what’s fun to me.

Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it's gonna be long

As for actual advice, I have three big rules which I think have helped me continue to enjoy drawing as long as I have, which is the most important thing to me. I started drawing as soon as I could hold a pencil, and it's been my main outlet for good and bad times throughout my whole life (I am 26 now). Other people liking what I draw is a treat, but as long as I have fun, that’s ultimately what matters to me. That said, please keep in mind I am speaking solely for myself here since everyone draws for different reasons and in different ways.

The first thing is avoiding perfectionism at all costs when drawing, because it sucks the fun out of the process and ruins the visual fluidity in whatever I’m working on. An example of this is that I don’t like to go back and revise lines I’ve already placed, because the more I try to polish them, the stiffer they look. Even in digital art I try to roll with mistakes instead of erasing, or just completely undo the line I placed and try again. 

The other thing is something I actually picked up from dog training which is arguably my biggest passion in life. There’s a common saying amongst dog trainers: No “one more time” — which essentially means that when find yourself thinking “one more time,” you need switch gears immediately and do something else because you have hit your frustration threshold and every attempt from then on will be frustrating & counterproductive for both you and the dog. 

This applies to pretty much every aspect of life for me, but it made a huuuge difference when I started to consider it within the context of drawing. If I just stop whatever I’m frustrated with and go back to it later, 99% of the time I can pinpoint exactly what bothered me and how I could have fixed it. I’m typically not the type to work on something over various sittings, so even if I don’t finish the picture I was working on after coming back to it, being able to pinpoint what went wrong about it is a lesson I can apply to whatever I work on next.

The third rule ties into the last one, which is just not pushing myself. If I’m not having fun with a drawing anymore, I’m not going to force it. If it’s not coming out the way I want it to, I’m not gonna push it. Any time I've pushed through frustration to finish something, I wound up disliking how it came out. This isn’t really realistic for someone who is a professional (or aiming to be), but for me who just likes drawing anime characters for fun, it’s perfect. Because of this, I haven’t dealt with constant art blocks like I used to. I definitely still have them, but they're usually brief and not distressing to me. I feel like I’ve kind of stagnated the past several years, but at the end of the day I have a blast when I draw and that’s all that matters to me!

There's a common sentiment that everybody hates/is embarrassed of the things they drew in the past or even right after finishing and/or posting them. But it doesn't have to be like that, and imo it shouldn't. I think that just means there are some things about one's process and mindset that need to be reflected on.

Hopefully that helps somewhat, but YMMV if your priorities are more in the vein of constant improvement and/or being a professional :] I know this was kind of an abstract response, so if anyone has specific questions feel free to ask lol

[jojo-schmo]

UHHHHH no anon but uh.....your art cool..i just wanted to say that lol- LIKE I REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY LOVE YA ART it makes me happy and your style is like...so cute! your style is pretty sweet and i like the au your doing (i am currently looking through all the stuff ya doin' lol) your really cool and your art cool and i hope you know u inspire me alot/gen! i hope ya have a good day and stuff ^^

AHHHH!!! Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to tell me this omg!! So much love in my ask box, I'm so grateful for it!!

It means a lot to hear that you like my art style too! I spent so much of my life being dissatisfied with my style and thinking it was nothing special- but boy have I changed my mind and embraced what I can do :) I'm eager to keep improving and developing it further!

Shucks, being called cool just makes me feel so warm inside heehee! I'm just out here doing my best to enjoy myself and share some of those feelings with others on here! It genuinely means the world to be able to inspire even just one person. Thank you again, truly. Keep creating what you love!! <3

Oh my goodness, that's incredible! Wow, THANK YOU! What an honor to even be able to help with a tiny part of your creative process. That character didn't exist before you brought them to life!! Isn't that just so cool? Feels like a superpower to me!

Don't feel bad about not wanting to share something! It's totally valid to have some creations to keep for yourself. I find that sometimes making things quietly to myself takes some of the pressure off and can still be very fun. And if you ever change your mind and decide to share, that's okay too! I bet there's someone out there who will love your drawings and ideas very very much. :)

UWAHH thank you for saying that!! AHH I feel so much love and kindness!!

Honestly, it's pretty wild to me how much better and more confident I've gotten in my art even in the past year or so of making this comic. I look back at some of those first pages every now and then and marvel at the different ways I've evolved since then, hahaha.

I never would've imagined myself being able to commit to a project this big before. I guess I just kind of reached the mindset of, it's okay if I don't know how to draw everything. If something looks wonky, at least I gave it a try instead of giving up before I attempt it like I've done before. This can be a learning experience for me too! And I'm so glad I'm committed to it :D Turns out getting out of your comfort zone is a very good way to improve!

Thank you! Life in general is just all right haha. But I am definitely very happy to have a little corner of the internet here with kind people to share stories and art with <3

[muppetjackrackham]

a lot can happen in a year. 

from the beginning of the year to the end of the year, i've been on six or seven new medications (give or take). i went from being unemployed for over a year and a half to having a part time job that pays the same as my last. i went from hardly ever leaving the house to seeing movies and going out with friends. i started doing therapy again. and i rejoined tumblr, something i wasn't sure I'd ever do again. i've never been overly fond of social media to begin with, and i wasn't sure if I was even making the right decision to start using it again. i had been in fandom communities off and on for years, with experiences far more negative than they ever were positive, and i couldn't be sure that this would be any different. 

i am so very glad to say i was wrong.

i've talked about elvis on a handful of occasions now, but allow me, if you will, the chance to be sentimental about its significance one last time. prior to june of this year i had no real concept of what baz lurhmann had planned when he released elvis 2022 into the world. yet another musical biopic, this time carried on the shoulders of a relative unknown? i have always had love for baz lurhmann's artistry, but this seemed like a long shot, even for him. 

still, it had my attention. 

i had given up on any attempts to connect with my family after years of false promises, spending most of my summer feeling isolated from most of the people in my life for one reason or another. i decided I'd treat myself to something after the way the year had gone thus far. knowing my dad liked elvis, i convinced him to go see the movie with me on its opening weekend, thinking we both might get something out of it.

it was, without a doubt, one of the best experiences i've ever had sitting in a theater.

i went on to see elvis seven more times in theaters, each time wondering whether or not the magic would wear off and it would lose its opulent, cinematic luster. in reality, it only ever burned brighter and brighter, giving me a love and appreciation of elvis presley that i wouldn't otherwise have beyond the simple enjoyment of music i had listened to off and on for as long as i can remember. it introduced me to a talent whose performance was so captivating it made me overlook tom hanks in every scene he was in. and, perhaps more than anything, it introduced me to people who were not only like-minded in their experience with this film, but were unwavering in their kindness and their friendship.

elvis is not the entity of my tumblr experience (this being my 4th time interacting on the platform). there are many other people and types of content i have interacted with since starting this blog and, if you have made it this far, i simply want to thank everyone for the memories they have given me at a time when I needed it most. 

to the people who colour my dash with their passion for the things they love most. my dash would not be the same without you.

@68special @aconflagrationofmyown @avengen @bcofl0ve @countesspetofi @fantuhsise @feverkitten @flwrs4aust @himbocampus @mamaspresley @obetrolncocktails @skinnyscottishbloke @slowsweetlove @stargiirl27 @steph-speaks @superbatson @thatonemoviefan 

to the people whose creations inspired me to rediscover the joy of what it is to make art

@floralcyanide @melis-writes @nathandrqke @she-is-juniper 

and finally to my friends, the people who have pulled me out of a shell i didn’t realize i was in. your kindness means more to me than you know.

@ab4eva @areacodefan @bisexualwvtson @burninlovebutler @cryingabtab @cutienerd13 @dreaming-of-hope @elvisfatass @gggoldfinch @itey @karamelcoveredolicity @lavenderelvis @lindszeppelin @lllsaslll @loving-elvis @luluthesandgoose @mxrspng @mymamalife @nora-nexus-34 @powerofelvis @samfangirls @star-shard @troubleinapinksuit​​ and my darling artemis, who is not on tumblr, but holds a special place in my heart regardless

i never expected to have followers, or an impromptu movie club, or even a blog to begin with. i certainly didn’t expect to end the year on a positive note. i am not someone who makes a habit of being particularly optimistic, but i dare to hope that maybe, just maybe, this next year will be better. to all of you reading this, wherever you are, may you find kindness and warmth and many blessings in 2023. may you eat well and heal and continue to grow. may you find comfort in the things you love, and may your new year be rich with the love and support of the ones you hold dear in your life, be it family, friends, or pets. whatever your year may have been, i hope it ends on a better note than it began on, and i look forward to not only sharing new films, but making new memories with all of you. 

in the immortal words of elvis presley, "til we meet again, may god bless you. adios."

all my love to you, 🦁❤️

[ddarker-dreams]

Tis I once more, Hello and greetings.

I am still obsessed with your writing. I always come Back to Vephar and I love her every time. (Zhongli back off my wife) I attempted to Make her in a genshin style Hope you like it.

Also I really like Nexus and All it’s Greek myth References :D (I have attempted to draw Miss arbiter but It’s a bit hard as I’m not sure of what her aesthetic is)

AAAAAAAAAARHGHHHH CHEWING ON MY KEYBOARD>.............. what absolutely GORGEOUS art oooooomg 😭 everything about it is perfect. i especially love how you drew her hair. the way it flows, then transitions into the color most closely associated with geo,, the shading adds so must vibrancy to it. the shading on the clothes is beautiful too wtf!!!! everything is just flow-y and elegant ... and the pearl accessory in her hair 🥺🥺 what i especially love about this color palette is how it's reminiscent of the ocean along the shoreline. that fits god darling perfectly.

AAA you did such a great job, especially with incorporating genshin's brushstrokes for the shading,, this looks like it could be a splash art. i would sacrifice all of my primogems.

the hourglass' inclusion is a great choice too, it'd definitely be heavily involved in god darling's kit.

thank you so much for drawing and sharing this 🥺💖 it made my day infinitely better.

(and i'm so glad you've enjoyed nexus!!! i might need to make a moodboard or something, because i imagine n darling with two outfits. one pre blade with lotus motifs, predominantly white/pink colors with gold accessories, long/regal/mature ?? then post the events of nexus, she's gifted a more practical outfit by kafka that shows less skin. spider lilies would be the main motif since that'd make blade go :), crimson/black color palette).

[crowtrobotx]

I know this is out of the blue, but thank you so much for being a real one 👍✨️

Like I have nothing against people who see Heisenberg as a gay man, they’re entitled to think that. But I draw the hard line at people who feel the need to bash others just because their views don't align, and then when confronted use the piss poor "it's just a joke" or "it's just an observation" excuses. If you're going to be a bitch at least have the balls to own up to it.

Anyway, loved your work since 2021 and wishing you all the good vibes. 🤗

Oh my goodness, thank you!!! This is such a kind message and I appreciate you so much. ❤️ Good vibes right back at you. I’m glad that my rantings have resonated with folks because sometimes I wonder if *spongebob voice* I’M the maniac. Getting dragged into this stuff really makes me feel like it sometimes, haha.

Yes! To be clear I also truly do not care what your HC’s are! I love that there are people for whom gay Heisy is their thing and I hope they are having fun and keep making their art/fic/etc! Even if I really can’t stand the popular fanon ship I’m so glad it exists for folks who enjoy it and I am not going to spend my time posting about what I don’t like/agree with when they’re not hurting me and I can spend my time on stuff I do like!

And like. I know. I KNOW a lot of these people are teenagers. And I struggle sometimes because “do not fight literal children” is a rule I try to live by lmao but I also really don’t like seeing people target and mock folks for harmless fun. (It’s on sight if a 25+ year old starts putting this shit in the tags tho. I know they’re out there.)

Still, it’s extremely weird because they always defend themselves with “it’s just a joke/it’s not that deep” or “oh my god no one is stopping you from liking x why are you so pressed 🙄 i can’t believe you’re letting my nasty opinions bother you just because i put them right where you can see them with the intent of insulting you.” 💀💀💀 Like what could possibly be the point of doing this if not to, at the very least, actively try to dissuade people you don’t like from engaging with the community? Obviously no one can stop me but if I know that there are dickbags out there who are going to vaguepost and make fun of me when I do, I don’t care how confident and thick skinned you are (and I am very,) it’s still going to sting!

People are not bothered because they’re disconnected from reality and think they’re really married to a pixel man, they’re upset because life is hard enough and you come into your hobby space to have a good time and then find lame ass idiots infesting it. I also think the whole “ohhh my god why are you so upset he’s/she’s not real!!” is a blatant attempt to discredit the hurt parties by once again insinuating that they are “crazy” which once again conveniently ignores multiple realities, chiefly that 1) most people are not upset by a simple opinion that their fave wouldn’t fuck them IRL, they are upset at the blatant meanness of the person making the accusations and 2) even if they are genuinely hurt by the thought because it’s a coping mechanism for them, why does that make it okay for you target them? What gives you the right to harass and mock people who are not bothering you? Do these people think they’re doing these folks a ‘favor’ by forcing them to contend with what they perceive to be some kind of delusion? Shut the hell up. Why do people decide it is their god given right to hold strangers on the internet accountable for psychological “problems” that they’ve completely made up.

Anyway SORRY I have a serious problem shutting the fuck up lol. I have never been good at phrasing my thoughts in a coherent way especially when I’m grumpy. I am very glad my little circle is full of awesome, open minded and levelheaded folks and not gatekeepers/weirdos (derogatory) who have decided that diversity of opinion in fandom is bad actually and that women and femmes specifically are enemy number one.

[luna-alatus]

ᕼEᗩᗪᑕᗩᑎᑎOᑎ

----------------------- Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs Prompt: "Grill me a cheese." "I AM NOT GRILLING YOU A CHEESE-!!" Characters: Dazai Osamu Headcanon: Canon AU, After work things, Friends to lovers..?~ + non-binary reader Small note: Yeah its been a while huh.. missed me? Welp, as a sorry present here ya go~ -Art/Header not mine. PS- I was writin a book on wattpad so I couldn't write much here sorry.. ----------------------- It was the end of the day, finally.. after a long, and hard working day in the Agency. (Y/n) was finally able to go back home, rest up.. and enjoy their relaxation time after their hard work. They were glad though, cause despite the fact doing paperwork was boring as heck sometimes and it does cause their hands to hurt after a while. It was worth it, since now they had an off day tomorrow! Well, it was now definitely worth the pain of having to finish paperwork now. Saying their farewells to the rest of the Agency members, those being Atsushi, Kunikida, Ranpo and Yosano. As the Tanizaki siblings were out and a certain suicidal maniac was no where to be found.. (Y/n) didn't bother to try saying goodbye to them anymore. Besides, the others would inform them in their place. And well for Osamu Dazai's case- the suicidal maniac, well.. they had a gut feeling they were once again trying to commit suicide so- they'll definitely be fine. Sighing softly at the thought of their work partner, the (h/c) agency member merely shook their head and continued their walk back home. Speaking of which.. maybe they should just use their ability.. Ah no, probably not. They're tired anyways. Besides, it was only a few more blocks away from where they were at currently, might as well use the exercise. Anyways, they're ability would slightly alert the normal civilians around them too- so better stay discreet and keep walking. And so they did, granted once they arrived at their apartment they were exhausted, still the exercise was somewhat appreciated. -------- (Y/n) just finished their quick bath, and had already gotten changed in comfortable clothing. It was already like, the late evening or something and well, they were m ore than ready to head to bed. But, they were a bit hungry and they haven't had dinner anyways so. Might as well make a little something, and so they did. It was a simple dish, just some warm noodles, soup, and rice. It was very tasty though despite it being quite simple. After the nice dinner, they had gotten the kitchen cleaned up and made sure everything was back to where they were supposed to be placed. Once that was over with, (Y/n) closed the lights that were on and headed up to their room. Shutting the door behind them and getting in their futon, wearing their socks, and warm jacket first before they got themselves tucked in under the soft blanket. And with that.. their day finally comes to an end. And they fall asleep slowly but surely. .

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. It was a calm night, truly it was. And well the (h/c) ability user was already in quite the deep sleep. Sadly, a certain suicidal maniac had decided to sneak into their home late at night, using the spare key given to them for EMERGENCY purposes only. Ah well.. it was the Dazai Osamu, what else could you expect from them. As the male made himself at home in their friends home, he had gotten himself his pair of slippers that he'd always wear in here. And looked around the dark home, humming softly as he looked around some more. It seemed like (Y/n) was already asleep.. that can't be, he hasn't even eaten anything yet. Plus, he wants a grilled cheese sandwich. Hm, it was too bad the suicide attempt he tried committing today took him too long to actually get out of once it failed. Ah well.. (Y/n) wouldn't mind!! They loved him for crying out loud! So with that said, and with the decision made. The bandaged-detective went upstairs to head to his friends room to wake up the poor sleeping and unsuspecting victim of his want of a grilled cheese sandwich. -------------- (Y/n) was asleep, oh so soundly asleep.. that was before they were quickly shook awake and tackled down by their bandaged co-worker. "(Y/n)! (Y/n)!!!!!!!!!! (Y/N)!!!!!!!!!!!! Come on wake up please please please!!!!!! I am hungryy!!!!" Dazai continued shaking the poor soul 'till they fully woke up. And with a groan and annoyed sigh from (Y/n) they had glanced at the male who was clinging onto their torso like their life depended on it. "Alright.. alright, alright!!! I am up you idiot! What do you want-?! And fucking get rid of that coat! For crying out loud you smell like a-!" "Cheese." A pause was heard, before (Y/n) who was now fully awake after what they just heard come out of Dazai's mouth.

"Huh..?" "Grill me a cheese." Oh.. so that's what they meant, tch, they had the audacity to wake them up and ask for a grilled cheese sandwich.. in the middle of the night, seriously??!?! "I am not grilling you a cheese." Another pause, honestly (Y/n) hoped they had gotten the hint and was already slowly falling back asleep.. finding their arms to wrapped around their torso to be quite comfortable and warm. Before crying and sobs were heard.. seriously.. this was a grown man. "B-but.. Mmph..." More sad noises. "Wh-..." (Y/n) blinked, seriously.. they had a man child for a co-worker. Then again.. they have been caring for this man child for who knows how long now so, well they were definitely more than used to it by now. "Oh for god's sake." ------------------------ The lights in the kitchen were turned on once again, and sizzling of something cooking on the pan above the stove could be heard. (Y/n) was once again being hugged by the bandaged man child who had asked for the grilled cheese. Their head on top and leaning over on their shoulder as they leaned their head slightly back as they watched the grilled cheese sandwich cook. Dazai's arms were wrapped around their waist tightly, and well, they were smiling happily at both the fact they were hugging (Y/n) and the fact he was finally getting his grilled cheese. "Thank you~ Hm.. you know I love you right (Y/n)?" "I know that bandages, known that since I met you." Smiling at the thought, the male kissed the side of their forehead gently nuzzling their head in between (Y/n)'s neck and shoulder. "Good.. I just wanted to say thank you I suppose, for dealing with me and how I am and all that." (Y/n) gently shut the stove as the now cooked grilled cheese sandwiches were finished and done cooking. Placing them on a plate and putting it on the counter before they responded to the male. "You're welcome, besides.. you deserve it anyways.. a person to care for you. People to care for you, people who you can call friends Osamu. But there is one thing, you aren't acting like your usual self.. you okay?" They had asked this because it was true, Dazai didn't usually act this soft unless something traumatic happened or, well something bad happened. So.. of course it was concerning whenever they acted out of character- not that the character they were showing was any better but.. yeah. "I am perfectly fine, just.. happy to be with you is all.. and thanks for the food. It smells great." (Y/n) merely felt Dazai's head nuzzle closer to them, and with their now free hand. They gently combed through the male's brown locks. "You're welcome." .

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"Right, Dazai?" "Hm..?" "Finish your sandwiches before they get cold will you." "Hehe..~ yes yes, on it." ______________________ Note: Thanks for reading~ And yes I got this from that 'grilled cheese' audio from titkok- Pft- hope ya enjoyed the fluff!

[stardusthuntress]

EnigmaTech - Ch. 4

My Tech Lives AU! (see prior chapters for summary)

Chapter 4 - A New Perspective

Tech x female!reader (pronouns only)

Word count: ~8.3k 

Chapter Summary: Picking up right where we left off, the lost 3 and the regs now freed from that creep, Hemlock, are in need of a chance to heal. And, as Tech would say, the human body is fascinating, and especially puzzling when driven by the emotion center instead of the logic center.

Also, Tech may or may not end up shirtless at one point! Kinda needs a warning of it's own, hehe! <3 I recommend referring to the following fan art pieces by @amorfista (here and here) and @lightspringrain (1; 2; 3) and @bruh-myguy-what (here) and so many more, but these were the ones that have been on my mind lately!!! <3 love you guys!!!

TW: mentions of Tech's injuries again. I'm not a fan of the way shows show a character getting injured and then in the next episode they're fine. It's just so unrealistic. So, Tech is gonna be recovering for another chapter or two beyond this. It won't be gruesome tho. No descriptions of grossness. Just mentions of where Tech's mods are.

A/N: I am not a medic, nor do I know a damn thing about medical treatment! Nothing gross. Nothing angsty. A touch of jealosy, but that's it. Tech figuring out what the fuck it means to flirt. Reader's callsign still used intermittently.

It's been so long since I've added to this story! I've been so busy. Lift took a turn I did not expect, but I think it's actually gonna be a good change! Just needed some time to figure out what to do with the curveball. I've had most of this chapter pretty much ready to go for a while tho, so it's time to release this to the world! Doing my best to getting back into writing these, I miss writing so much!

Tech dividers: @/djarrex

“Tech, let’s give those meds a few more minutes under observation to bring your system back to a somewhat normal level before we do anything else, just to make sure you’re stable. Okay?” Spitfire checks in with her patient. 

“Yes. That is an excellent idea. I will inform you if I perceive any changes in my current state of being. Perhaps it will provide adequate time for my brothers to receive medical attention as well?” 

“Certainly,” she nods, beckoning Wrecker over. “Wreck, the left shoulder?!? Again???!!! Your poor left shoulder, Big Guy! That’s at least the third time you’ve taken a hit to your left shoulder since the Empire became a thing!” 

“Tech told me once that it’s better that it’s my left rather than my right because I’m right handed.” Wrecker’s voice is quiet. 

Spitfire sighs, “He’s correct there, but either way, less hits to any of you at all would be ideal. Let’s get you patched up, Big Guy.” 

“Awwww, no I hate medical stuff. Do we have to?” 

“Yes, we want it to heal. It will be over before you know it. Tech and Crosshair are getting patched up too. I won’t do anything that might hurt if I don’t have to, I promise.” She pats his arm, trying to reassure the large man with touch as well as words. 

Tech didn’t remember seeing Wrecker take a hit to his shoulder, but he’s glad someone noticed. 

She has finally managed to sit Wrecker down and has started rummaging through the med pack Echo got out to use on Tech and Cross. Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Wrecker fretting. 

“You remind me of another trooper I once worked with, Big Guy,” she starts, “I was working with the 104th at the time. The man’s name was Numbskull.” 

“Hah! how’d he get a name like that?” Wrecker asks. The room is quiet, all the men listening to her voice in an attempt to keep their minds off of the horrors they found within the walls of Hemlock’s facility. 

“By doing the same thing you do, Goofball! He took so many hits to his shoulder that he eventually lost all the feeling in his arm.” 

“His whole arm?” Wrecker seems stuck somewhere between amusement and worry. 

“Mmhmm. After enough hits to the pressure points and the spaces between the gaps in his armour, he said all he felt was a tingling in the back of his skull when the doc tried the good old pinch test.” 

“Where you pinch his arm to see if he can still feel it?” Once Wrecker started trying to think his way through the story, his worry began to fade.

“Exactly, all he felt was a little tingle in the base of his skull. And then eventually he lost all the feeling in his arm completely. But he could still use the arm like normal, he just couldn’t feel it.” 

“That doesn’t sound so bad. I’d rather not feel any pain.” Wrecker’s shoulders relax. 

Tech and Echo laughed, exchanging glances beside her, as she continued her work on Wrecker. The idea isn’t so bad to them either, a numb Wrecker would certainly be a lot easier to deal with during medical exams, thats for sure. 

She smiled. Her story was working, distracting and calming not just Wrecker, but all the boys, while she patched them up, but she was only getting started. 

“There was this one day where Numbskull was fighting a battle down a seppie hallway. The boys had managed to take out the main power generator, so the whole base was running on backup power. Now, this base was enormous! Definitely ended up a lot bigger than the Seppies intended it to be. So much so, that the entire base was really struggling to function on backup power. Doors would only half open and then get stuck, and blast doors could easily be pried back open without much effort. Battle was going surprisingly well. Turned out they were trying to empty the base anyway, probably because it got too big and was only good as a diversion anymore, so it was just a skeleton crew there. And Numbskull’s squad was one of the ones assigned to work their way through the hallways and clear out any droids they found.” 

She pauses to glance around the room at their faces to see if they want to hear the story before continuing, “Just his luck, Numbskull managed to find a room chock full of fully functional B1’s. Now, Numbskull liked to wield 2 blasters, one in each hand, like Tech over here.” 

Tech smiles, surprised she was aware since he had clearly not been doing that during today’s escape. 

“Numbskull’s preferred tactic was to plant himself in the middle of the driods and extend his arms in a T-pose so he could take down droids on either side at the same time, or so he claimed.” She demonstrated with her body: holding a pretend blaster in each hand, one outstretched on either side of her, pointing 180 degrees away from each other. “He thought that was the most fun way to take the droids down. After a while it kinda became his signature move.” 

By this point, all the men are engaged in the story, various expressions of amusement on their faces and in their stance and posture, not paying much attention to the medical checkups she and Echo were conducting. Even Omega was listening from Hunter’s lap, and Hunter seemed relieved that she was so entrenched in the story and was getting a little of her mojo back. She’d grown rather quiet since their return to the ship. Meanwhile Hunter conducted a discrete medical scan of his little girl with one hand while the other comfortingly petted her hair. 

“I was working with the Commander in the control room when the call came in. Numbskull’s squad had managed to draw the B1’s into the hallway, and Numbskull planted himself right in the middle of all the droids and pulled his signature move,” She’s laughing a bit as she tells the story. “The men were laughing so hard they could barely call it in. Turns out, Numbskull hadn’t noticed the blast doors closing, he’d been so focused on one blaster, he forgot to look back over his other shoulder at his numb arm too. You know how the blast doors close in a spiral so the last spot to close up is right in the center? Well, by the time he remembered to look at his other hand, his numb hand, his arm was stuck. The blast doors had closed around his wrist. It was a good thing the whole base was only functioning on low power, or it would have just taken his whole hand clean off and he wouldn’t have noticed a thing. In the end, he was fine, just some minor bruising. That was the day his squad knew they’d picked the right name for him.” 

Wrecker howled with laughter, and the rest of the room wasn’t far behind. 

“You should have seen the Commander’s face when the squad finally stopped laughing enough to tell him what had happened and that Numbskull was stuck and in need of an extraction.” 

Echo paused, halfway through a procedure for Crosshair, earning a glare from his patient as he turned towards the woman, “Wait, did you say you were working with the 104th?” 

“Yup!” She confirmed. 

“That was the Wolffepack?!” Echo’s disbelief echoes in the small room. 

“Yup!” she was laughing too. “So you know how Wolffe never smiles, and definitely never laughs?” 

“Yeah…?” Echo’s disbelief has turned to skepticism, but it’s quickly fading, she knows too much about Wolffe for this to be completely made up. 

“That was the closest that man has ever come to a laugh that I have ever witnessed. He could not believe the dumb shit his men had gotten into. He just stood there looking pained and staring into a corner for a second (though I think he was focusing all his effort on not laughing), before snorting in annoyance (or laugh that broke through his composure) and leaving the room. He told us later he had to ‘borrow Master Plo’s saber to get Numbskull out’. The control room was still on a holo-call with them when the second bout of uncontrollable laughter that came through the comms a few minutes later turned out to be the squad’s reaction to the way Wolffe just walked in and stood there, glaring at Numbskull’s arm for a solid minute, muttering something about ‘my circus, my monkeys’ and ‘definitely my idiots’ before he ignited the saber and took the doors outta commission.” 

Wrecker laughed again, loud and proud, and clearly relaxed. 

“All done, Big Guy!” she patted Wrecker’s uninjured shoulder, and he got up and walked to the cockpit. Omega jumped up and went with him, Hunter’s favorite soft blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders.  

Tech looked around the room. Spitfire had clearly done that to relax more than just Wrecker. His whole family (Omega was right) had clearly enjoyed the story. 

Echo declared Crosshair done, and he stood to leave the room. He’d been so tortured, he wasn’t exactly up for walking on his own yet, and she let him put a hand on her shoulder for balance. She discretely helped him up and passed him off to Hunter who was standing at the ready for him. But before Crosshair let go of her shoulder, he gave it a quick squeeze of thanks, and a barely noticeable nod. He too had appreciated the distraction. 

Echo joins her as they begin a scan of Tech’s injuries. 

Still laughing softly to himself Echo shook his head in disbelief, “I still can’t believe that’s a Wolffepack story,” he snorted, pinching his nose. “Does Rex know this one?” 

“Na. Never found the time to tell him. And somehow I don’t see Wolffe ever wanting to tell him that one either. But I sure hope he learns the story someday!” She had moved to helping Echo patch up Tech. 

Tech notices how easily she and Echo converse, not to mention the indicators of a shared history that seems to go back to Echo’s 501st days. Tech wishes he had something like that to help him figure out what to say to this brilliant Mandalorian woman. Tech lets his mind drift a bit as they continue their tests and scans, realizing this is only the second time in his life he’s felt this way about someone. 

Eye’s still glazed over, he begins to subconsciously turn towards the woman whenever she says something, but hardly reacts at all to anything Echo says. 

“Uhh,” Echo looks over at her, “I think this part will go a lot faster with two hands.” He holds out the next patch Tech will need. 

She smiles and takes it, “You don’t need my help, but since you’d rather I do this, I will.” She laughs, which makes Echo smile back. He always did love the sound of her laughter. 

Echo smirked, glanced between her and Tech, and left the room. 

Tech felt his own logic replaced by a sudden bashfulness, his mind nearly as blurry as his vision, but this time he gets the feeling the haze in his mind is from emotions rather than an unstable body in an environment designed to keep it off kilter. But he realizes her story was meant as more than just a way to calm them all down. She also liked it when her actions and words had many meanings, much like he did. She’d just given him a conversation starter. 

“Thank you,” he muttered, unable to look at her as she finished patching him up. “For calming down the whole… family with a story. You’ve no idea how much they needed that. Wrecker can be quite the handful during medical exams.” 

She laughs and nods, “Oh, I know.” 

It’s not long before they arrive at the medical facility. 

Medics determine that whether or not Tech needs a replacement eye is TBD, he needs to heal a bit first and they need to run a few more tests. So they send him back to his family and the Marauder. 

In the meantime, they are quite overwhelmed removing the chips from the hundreds of clones now roaming the hidden medical facility. To help process them all, Rex volunteers those who have previously had their chips removed and the Mandalorian to aid the processing. 

Naturally, she volunteers to help as much as she can. They assign her to work with Echo to monitor Tech’s state of health, and give her rotations of state of health checks for the other new rescues before and after chip removal, usually during Tech’s more intensive medical checkups with a real doctor. 

This also means she needs to be more familiar with the specifics of Tech’s injuries. Back on the Marauder, she, Tech, and Echo set about constructing more detailed notes about every new mod now adorning Tech. 

“I’m going to need you to take off your shirt for the next part so I can see the mods the medics mentioned on your torso, maybe add some fresh bacta and replace the bandages, you know the drill,” 

Tech obliges without question. It is a logical request, she is only doing her job and intends to help him to the best of her ability as he adjusts to life with his newly modified body. 

However, he finds himself sitting on the hem of his shirt. So, to make it easier, he simply stands up to take it off. 

She turns back around, having just traded out instruments in her hands, doesn’t realize that he stood up to remove his shirt, and nearly faceplants into his bare chest. 

Not that she’s complaining. 

She does everything she can to NOT visibly react beyond simple and expected surprise, but boy is that hard! Tech is ripped. The man has very chiseled muscles. Clearly, Wrecker and Hunter weren’t the only ones hitting the gym frequently. It made sense, they are military men after all. Being in good shape was a logical choice for war. Getting a lot of exercise was a given anyways, and was common amongst the battle-hardened Mandalorians she was used to as well. But somehow, all that had slipped her mind, until Tech took off the tops of his blacks, that is. 

She blushed and hoped her little inhale when she turned around and came face to face with his chest wasn’t audible. She does her best to concentrate on her work, but it’s hard given how attractive and intelligent this man is. 

Wrecker grins at Echo from the doorway. Her reaction wasn’t lost on him. 

Echo takes this as their cue to excuse themselves and return to the others in the cockpit. 

“Oop, sorry! Didn’t realize you stood up!” Is all she says. Fortunately, without his goggles, it wasn’t likely that Tech would notice if her cheeks were heating up. Unless he touched her face, which he had no reason to do, so nothing to worry about, right? 

“Ah, my apologies. You switched out tools more quickly than I anticipated,” Tech tried to look down at the blurry shape he knew was her. 

To verify that the medbay station has not shifted - since it’s not like he can just look at the wheels to see if it is locked in place - Tech turns slightly and leans to place a hand on the medbay station he had been seated at. 

Realizing only too late that she’s still in his personal space, she quickly attempts to shuffle back to a reasonable distance for two new acquaintances, only to find herself dodging his shoulder as he turns to place a hand on the pad. 

Tech freezes when his shoulder brushes past soft hair. He can hear her shuffling around quite close. “Oh, forgive me, I should have warned you I needed to locate my seat, so that you knew not to start yet. Now that I am once again seated, you may begin.” 

How sweet of him to assume she was simply eager to continue on with the state of health check. Of course that’s all it was. She tried to convince herself she had not just gotten distracted by his abs. 

Thankfully, Echo and Wrecker had returned to the cockpit with everyone else, so no one was there to witness the full extent of her embarrassment. As such, there’s nothing much that can be done except to plow on though the medical exams, so that’s what she does. 

Her hands are, once again, cold. So, she rubs them together in an attempt to warm them up before she begins. 

“I take it your extremities are usually cold?” Tech inquires. 

“Yeah, sorry. Not so great when I’m acting as a medic instead of a warrior.” Tech notes that this is the first time her voice has sounded a little shy. 

Following the sounds of her, he reaches out for her hands, and takes them in his. 

His touch is gentle, soft. Surprised that he reached for her hand at all, she is shocked into silence. 

“That hardly qualifies as cold. You may begin, if you are ready,” Tech states. 

“You know it will feel colder on the skin that is usually hidden beneath your blacks and your armor,” she points out, partially on autopilot, still trying to process the face that Tech just took her hands in his and that he just gave her permission to touch him. 

“Yes. I am prepared,” Tech assures her. 

“Alright, here goes,” she shrugs off her feelings as best as she can. 

Gentle fingers examine the lines between machine and man, searching for bruises and tender spots in the hopes that the internal damage is minimal and was well patched up. 

Tech is amazed by how gentle this woman’s touch is. There are moments when he is barely even aware that her fingers still rest on him. 

And he quite likes having her hands on his chest and arms. He’s never enjoyed touch so much, nor had he ever liked touch directly on his skin so much before. In fact, he usually didn’t like it. He’d been trained to wear blacks and gloves whenever he did anything - building things, warfare, even when typing. He didn’t like things on his skin. His blacks provided a welcome barrier between him and the strange textures of the world around him. 

Hunter had often placed a hand on his shoulder, and he’d noticed Captain Rex did the same. Even during medical assessments, the Kaminoans only touched the clones if it was absolutely necessary. Clone medics were a different story, many used touch to reassure stressed and pained brothers, but Echo, the medic of the 99th, knew Tech didn’t like touch. 

Wrecker’s touch often annoyed him though. Wrecker often forgot how strong he was, and roughhousing wasn’t uncommon around him. Tech didn’t like it when Wrecker would shove his shoulder, but Wrecker meant well, so Tech didn’t say anything about it anymore. 

But then she had touched him. And it was like she had known he was repulsed by, and unfamiliar with touch, so she kept her touches as light and barely-there as possible. As she works on a panel on his shoulder, her palm rests on his pec. 

Tech quietly revels in it, resisting the urge to place his hand upon hers and hold it there flat against his chest for a moment. Was this why Wrecker and Hunter liked touch? No, it couldn’t be. Her touch was not like any other being Tech had ever come into contact with, pun intended. She was special, but he barely knew anything about her. He could barely even see her… and though physical attraction had never been important to Tech before, he found himself aching just to know her face. It hadn’t helped that Echo had made a point to describe her as cute when he introduced her to Crosshair. He wondered what Echo considered cute… if only he could see, then he might understand the comment. 

Fixated on his ability to see, or rather lack thereof, Tech’s mind begins to spiral. He’s so used to being able to see the world around him, and so much of what he does depends on it, a few hours of blindness felt like an eternity. 

Much of what Tech did depended on his ability to see, but now he’s going to have to learn alternatives just to live. 

He can get a walking stick, or a guide massiff, though it’s not likely Hunter will allow the latter. They don’t need one more mouth to feed. Normally, he would just build a robotic one, but he can’t safely construct anything if he can’t see what he is doing. Gonky could help a bit as a proxy guide-massif, but there is a lot he can’t do, and he’s slow, Tech needed fast. 

Speaking of speed, would he ever be able to run again? It’s hard to move quickly if you aren’t aware of your environment. He wouldn’t be much help on missions if he can’t move quickly… and he definitely wouldn’t be able to fight with just his hearing to rely on. 

Now Tech wished he had the force. He’d heard tell of Jedi who learned to see through the force, but that wasn’t in the cards for a mere clone. The Kaminoans seemed certain that the ability to wield the force could not be cloned, and as far as Tech was aware there was no reason NOT to trust their knowledge there. After all, cloning was their expertise. 

As she continues with the health check, she notices his demeanor falling again - he’s so used to being able to see the world around him. 

In an effort to both cheer him up and bring in their other resident expert in modifications to living beings, she calls Echo back into the room. As it stands, they do have a lot of similar mods now. She asks Echo a few questions about various attachments now adorning Tech as they run diagnostics and make sure everything is interfacing with Tech’s own body in ways that won’t do more damage than good. 

As they work, they place Tech’s fingers on each mod so he can “see” it, warning him of buttons and asking questions about what he can control. 

“Echo, does this data port look familiar to you?” She is working on a mod behind Tech’s ear at the base of his skull. 

Tech lifts his hand from his lap “Show me.” 

She obliges and gently places his fingers on the port. Meanwhile her fingers drift off the metal and settle ever so gently on Tech’s own skin, remaining near the piece she is working on. 

Tech twitches. 

She quickly pulls her hand away. “Sorry, I know my hands got cold again.” 

“It is quite alright, I was simply not expecting it,” Tech just hopes she misses the blush on his cheeks. He’s doing everything he can to keep his heart rate down too. He’d quite enjoyed her touch actually. Gentle and soft, despite the well-calloused fingers from years of working on wiring and machinery and armor. 

But it wasn’t just that. Tech was learning all sorts of things about the human body he had never even considered before today. One of which, is that there seems to be an erogenous zone just beneath the ear. Right where her fingers had so gently brushed. The softness of her touch had sent a spark through his veins and a shiver down his spine. Truth be told, that was why Tech had flinched, not the temperature of her hands. But he needed more data, not to mention time, in order to prove whether it was simply the long-lasting effect of whatever drugs Hemlock had used on Tech, before he even came close to admitting the real reason why to anyone. 

Unbenounced to Tech, Echo had noticed. Echo knew knew what it looked like when Tech flinched when he was startled. And the way Tech has straightened up instead of shifting away like he usually did looked a hell of a lot more like an aroused shiver to him. So a mind like Tech’s could be aroused after all. But Echo also needed solid proof before he’d believe it. And he was standing next to a very attractive woman. Afterall, the man was a Domino. So, naturally, there was one way to get more information quickly. He would flirt with her as the conversation continued, and watch Tech’s reaction. 

“I wish I could see the port,” Tech’s voice is quiet, “I cannot quite tell what it is with just touch.” 

“Yeah, it’s quite a small port and it’s recessed into the panel a bit.” Echo answers, no hint of mischief in his tone. Fives and Rex hadn’t nicknamed him ‘silver tongue’ for nothing. 

“Hmm, I swear I’ve seen a cable with that end on it around here somewhere…” Her thought trails off as she looks around. “Any chance you remember where we should look to find a plethora of cables we could try, Tech?” 

“If I could see my surroundings, I could probably think of the many places I keep assorted cables, but I do not know how things have been reorganized or shifted around since I was last on the ship…” Tech’s voice trails off with a sigh. 

The room falls quiet for a moment. Tech can hear them rummaging around. He never thought losing the ability to see would affect him so much. In fact, he never really thought about losing his sight at all. His mind was not made to process emotions well, in point of fact it was made with the intent of avoiding the cumbersome ordeal of emotions so that logic would drive him in stressful situations. But even the Kaminoans couldn’t remove all the human pieces, so Tech still had emotions… he slouched forward, resting his elbows on his knees and hung his head. 

Just a glimpse would be all he would need. He hadn’t realized just how dependent on sight his life was. No matter what happened, whether they were able to get him a prosthetic eye, like Wreckers, or whether they could not, he would make a point of learning how to cope in a world where he could not see, just in case. But for now, he was living in a world of VERY blurry shapes. He sighed heavily. 

“I know,” her voice piped up from right beside Tech. He hadn’t realized she was still right next to him. He turned towards her, though it wasn’t like he could SEE her. He suppressed another sigh. And felt a light touch rest on his shoulder where a soft, very familiar material was draped over his arm; his blacks. He reached up for his shirt and she placed it in his hand. 

“I know. It’s hard to lose a sense that you had previously depended on so much. We will find a way to get some of your sight back. We can also find other ways so you don’t have to feel so dependent on seeing the world around you, if that would help?” 

Tech nodded, “Thank you,” he replied quietly, placing a hand over hers on his shoulder. “And, for the record, your hands are not that cold.” 

“Oh,” her voice took on a teasing tone, “so they are a little cold, huh?” She nudged him with the hint of a laugh in the air between them. 

He let out a little chuckle too. Tech found himself unknowingly leaning into her touch a bit. He couldn’t see, but he could feel - touch as well as emotions. He’d learned that much from his interactions today. 

But the happiness on his features quickly faded, the weight of his current predicament too great to allow simple distractions to last for long. 

“Maybe you don’t need to see it or touch it to figure this out. What do you feel?” Her voice dragged his wandering mind back to the real world. 

“WhAt?” Tech’s heart raced. Had she already figured out he liked her touch? Had he been that obvious? Internally, Tech went into panic mode. Externally, he did his best to keep his cool, like he always did. 

“Can you access the port and tell us what kind of data it is programmed to receive?” She asked. 

“Ah, excellent idea,” he replied, cool and nonchalant. Of course that was what she had meant, Tech’s panic subsided. He put his shirt back on and took a moment to search for the device driver in his operating system. 

“It seems to be set up to take in all media types: text files, binary files, audio and video files, a wide variety of map files, anything a typical datapad can handle.” 

“WAIT!” Her voice was laced with a revelation. 

Tech jumped at the excitement in her voice, and he could hear Echo stop his rummaging. He had likely stopped to turn and look at her. 

“What is it, Gorgeous?” A teasing smirk graced Echo’s features as he looks at her, watching Tech in his peripheral vision, knowing full well Tech can’t see the look on his face, “another useful factoid on the tip of your tongue?” 

She laughed. Tech wished he could tell if she had also smiled at Echo or not. She likely had. It was a fairly common reaction when someone was flir—Wait! Was Echo flirting with her? Tech found himself getting angry. Illogical, he barely knew her! But he did like her touch, as well as her demeanor, not to mention her wit! She was kind, gentle, and had so far proven to be his equal in mind. She had, as Hunter described it, been the one to sift through Tech’s notes and make sense of them, and figured out he was still alive. He felt like he owed her his life as much as he owed it to his brothers. 

And yet the way Echo had called her ‘gorgeous’, and the ease with which they communicated in half-formed sentences while searching the room, as well as the shared experiences implied by the story earlier, would suggest they had known each other for quite a while. 

We’re they partners? And if so, in what sense of the word? Had he finally found his equal in mind, the kind of person he’d finally allowed himself to dream of having as a partner, only to discover that her heart had already been given away to someone else? Tech desperately hoped that was not the case. Though, if it was, Echo was a lucky man indeed. 

Tech was lost in his thoughts, his mind racing away in a split second, missing that he had not hidden the pinch of his brow when Echo called her ‘Gorgeous’. Echo took it to mean that Tech was upset that he couldn’t even see her face. 

“Video files! Tech! You brilliant man! You already solved it!” She exclaimed. 

“Pardon?” Tech was confused. He wasn’t holding anything. He hadn’t been fiddling with anything had he? 

“Where are the goggles?” He could hear her excitedly shuffling around him. 

“Goggles won't do much, I’d need ey—“ he stopped, realizing exactly where she was going with this. “My recording device! Do you think you could make it into a prosthetic eye? I could provide instructions, if need be.” 

“First, let’s just see if this is gonna work. Ah HA! Here they are! Echo, do you remember where we put the cable for them?” 

“Yeah. That I kept safe. It’s over here,” Echo’s footsteps walked past Tech, towards Echo’s special spot where he kept his important belongings. So that much had stayed constant during Tech’s leave of absence. 

“Okay,” she started, again at Tech’s side. “I repaired your recording device, and Echo made sure there’s no trace of the Empire’s meddling left on it. So, in theory, all we have to do is plug it in. Tell me if something doesn’t feel right, and we will unplug immediately and start a diagnostic. Okay?” 

“Excellent,” Tech replied. “However, if anything goes wrong, I suggest you have a mild sedative on hand to knock me out, and a set of cuffs ready just in case the Empire tries to take my mind back.” 

She sighed, Tech felt a new touch on his shoulder. Definitely her touch, but not like a touch he’d felt before. Echo could be heard retrieving the necessary preparations in the background, while Tech sorted out this new feeling. Then her hair brushed his bicep. She was resting her forehead on his shoulder! She laughed quietly. 

“You really do think of everything don’t you?” She’d said it quietly, so quietly it was likely that Echo couldn't hear exactly what she had said. 

“It is wise to be prepared,” Tech could feel his finger rising to accentuate his point, automatically. 

“Yes, but I seriously hope we don’t have to use them,” she muttered quietly, to him alone.  

“As do I,” He agreed. 

Echo returned with the cable and Tech’s suggested in-case-of’s. 

Tech sat there, waiting. Nervousness painting his features. He might be able to see again, momentarily! And if he did, would it be enough to make him useful again until he could teach himself alternative methods? Would it be enough to allow him to continue to participate in their chaotic lifestyle? Questions danced around his mind. But he took a deep breath and refocused himself on the here and now, on the senses he could still use. 

He could tell that she now stood side-by-side with Echo. Echo in front of Tech, while she returned to her post at Tech’s side. He tilted his head to give her better access to the data port there. 

“Let me take the remaining fragments out of the lenses. Maker, why didn’t we do that ages ago? Why did we let this sit here with shards of transparisteel in it?” She muttered. 

Tech noted that she seemed nervous too, though he was not sure why. He could hear the pieces entering the waste receptacle as she removed them one by one. Tech waited patiently, doing his best not to tap his foot. He needed to stim, but he didn’t want it to come across as impatience. 

“It’s okay if you need to stim, Tech,” she must have noticed what he was doing. “I understand this is a big moment, if you need to move to process it, don’t stop on my account.” 

Tech let a small smile cross his features, as he let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. “Thank you,” he said to the floor. He took a deep breath to let his nerves around her out - it was actually sort of helpful that he couldn't see her yet, it became significantly easier to let go when he was only vaguely aware of her presence - and allowed his foot to resume its rhythmic tapping. 

“Alright, you ready?” She asked. 

Tech nodded. “Ready when you are.”

“I’m going to put your goggles on you first, over the bandages.They’re gonna be very loose though, we don’t need it creating more injuries while these heal. You adjust them as needed so it feels comfortable, then when you’re ready, I’ll plug it in. I don’t know how it’s going to interface with your operating system, but I bet Echo can give you some tips on that if he hasn’t already. He’s standing right in front of you so he will be the first thing you see. Okay?” 

“Understood.” Tech held as still as he could, his anticipation palpable. 

“Here goes. Goggles going on…” 

He felt the band slip over his head, and reached up to adjust it as she had suggested. His fingers brushed over hers. He felt that new spark again, racing from the point of contact between their hands to his core. But right now he was too excited to see again. He pushed the spark to the side, hoping he would have time to focus on that later. 

“Ready to receive data,” he told her, closing his one good eye to avoid the juxtaposition of one blurry and one clear image confusing his brain. 

“Plugging in… there.” 

She and Echo watched the red light on the side of Tech’s goggles blink to life, and then go a steady red. 

Tech remained still for a moment. 

She and Echo exchanged hopeful glances. 

Then, Tech’s brows rose and his chin lifted, pointing the camera up, towards Echo’s face. 

“Hello, Echo,” Tech chirped, relieved to have some sight to work with again. Though this new perspective - from the side of his face - would take some getting used to. 

For the first time in a while, Echo smiled. “Hello Tech! Good to have you back, ol’ buddy!” 

Tech looked slowly down at his lap, and raised his hands, getting adjusted to the side-shifted perspective. 

Next to Tech, she giggled. “Oh you brilliant mind, you!” And she pressed a quick kiss to Tech’s temple. 

As heat rose to the surface of Tech’s cheeks, he was suddenly struck by the fact that he still hadn’t seen her face. He didn’t know why that made him nervous though. 

Echo laughed. Her surprise kiss to Tech had caught even him off guard. 

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t even think about it, I just did it. Was that okay? I’m sorry if I overstepped!” She babbled. 

Tech opened his mouth to answer, but found his mind vacant of any coherent sentences. It was all he could do to try to refocus on his surroundings to ground himself once again. 

So he focused on Echo, who was still standing in front of him. It had been a while since Tech had seen Echo laugh like this. And their reactions would clearly indicate that Echo and Spitfire were clearly not ‘together’ as his brothers would say. But the nerves quickly took over Tech’s mind again as he realized she had withdrawn her touch from him while she waited for his answer. He did his best to reacquire his ability to speak. 

“It is quite alright. I do not mind,” Tech replied. Odds were, he was not hiding the warmth in his face now. He had completely lost control of it. Oh well, at least it was appropriate in such a situation. And it gave him an excuse to look at her. 

Slowly, so that his new perspective wouldn’t make his stomach spin like his head currently was from her kiss, he turned to look at her, hoping his naturally emotionless exterior would swoop in and save him from further embarrassment. 

But it seemed his subconscious wanted to make him suffer today. It took extra effort to hide his reaction. Echo was right. She was gorgeous. Tech had known she was smart, at least as intelligent as he was if he had to wager a guess. He was well aware that he liked the gentleness of her touch. And he had known that she had a pretty voice, and an even prettier laugh. But she was also very physically attractive. Especially with the flustered expression currently adorning her face as she bit her lip and looked nervously at him. 

Once again, Tech didn’t have words, he just looked at her. He didn’t know what he expected, all he knew was that her natural beauty threw him off guard. 

Beside them, Echo was trying to contain his laughter; though admittedly, he wasn’t trying that hard. 

“Brother, you’re staring,” Echo chortled, shaking Tech’s shoulder to snap him out of it. 

Tech started and snapped his gaze back to Echo. Too fast. He could feel the nausea rising in his gut. He tried to close his eyes and then remembered his real eye was closed and this new ‘eye’ didn’t have eyelids. He got the feeling his face was likely draining of color. 

“You okay?” Concern laced her voice. 

“Unplug,” Tech managed, swallowing hard, “please.” 

She hurriedly unplugged the device. “What’s up, everything okay?” 

Tech sat still and breathed for a moment. Well, all things considered, it does make sense that a new point of view would be disorienting. However, since they had decided so quickly to try this, it was not an outcome he had yet thought through. 

One more swallow and a long deep breath and he was ready to speak again. “Yes. Thank you for unplugging quickly. The point of view of my recording device is a little too far to one side. I moved too quickly, and became disoriented and slightly nauseous.” 

Next to Tech, Echo was not even bothering to hold in his laughter anymore. 

Hunter appeared in the doorway, the laughter having drawn his attention from the cockpit, as Echo piped up, “Of all the things I thought might happen when we got out your goggles, ‘Tech getting distracted by a beautiful woman, and then allowing his own jumpiness to make himself sick’ was certainly not on the list.” He laughed harder, “I can’t wait to tell Rex this story.” Now Hunter was laughing too. 

Tech’s cheeks blazed with heat. 

“Are you sure it wasn’t the fact that I’m NOT actually attractive that made him sick, Echo?” 

The room fell silent. 

“WHAT!” Hunter and Echo’s voices suddenly filled the ship’s hold, reverberating off the durasteel walls. 

“Why would you think that?” Hunter asked. 

“Don’t coddle me Hunter, I’m used to it.” 

Hunter and Echo sat there fishing for words like fish out of water. Their mouths opened and closed, but no sound came out. 

Tech could hear only silence in answer. That was not okay. Why weren’t his brother’s saying something? No matter, Tech would do his best to remedy the issue. 

“Then allow me to put your concerns to rest,” Tech butted in, “For I AM certain that it was my startled reaction to Echo bringing me out of my reverie. I was indeed distracted by your beauty. I have rarely ever encountered an individual of your caliber. I must admit, while the first thing I noticed about you was your voice, it was your mind that truly caught my attention. But now that I have seen your face, I can confirm that you are indeed quite a stunning woman as well.” 

She spluttered for a moment, struggling to find words of any sort. “I… well… umm……… thank you, Tech. That’s… that’s very sweet of you.” She rested her hand on his shoulder again, and this time Tech happily reached up and placed his over hers. 

“He’s right, you know. I don’t call just anyone Gorgeous,” Echo flirted. Tech could hear Echo moving towards her, and desperately wished he could see what they were doing. But wait, that could work! Though he didn’t quite know why he was so desperate to keep Echo from flirting with her - was this jealousy? All he knew was that he was going to act on it regardless. 

“Will you, um,” Tech pointed to the side of his head. “I would like to see the rest of my brothers now,” he finished while she reconnected the cord. “We will have to find ways to do this differently in the future, but for now, at least I am not totally in the dark.” 

Off to the side now, Echo chuckled quietly to himself. So he had been proven right. Tech was already quite taken with her. 

“I’ll go get the others then,” Echo volunteered to give them a moment to themselves, already heading towards the cockpit. 

Tech sat still for a moment, and she watched the light blink and go steady again. And then Tech’s hand reached to the side, towards her. She knew he could not see her where she was standing, but it surprised her when he found her hand and gently pulled her in front of him, so he could look up at her again. 

“Yes.” Tech said, eyes wide. “You are indeed quite attractive, My Dear. Now, if only I could quantify that for you to prove it.” He smirked, “perhaps I can, though it will take time and deliberation to develop a good system. You are not something that can be taken lightly.” 

The surprise on her face pleased him. But his emotions were becoming very confusing for his analytical mind. He felt a rush at having so successfully complimented her on his first try. But he also felt nervous that he wouldn’t be able to best that compliment. And he felt ‘screwed’ as Wrecker would describe it… there was no way to avoid falling for this woman. But somehow, knowing that he was fated to fall for her was… thrilling? Emotions were complicated… and not at all logical… and so rarely ever came one at a time anymore. but alas, those were issues for later, he reminded himself again. Right now, he wanted to see his brothers, and sister! 

“My Dear,” he practically purred, he could see Hunter raising his eyebrows at him in the doorway behind her, “Would you help me to stand up slowly so that I can look my brothers in the eye when I greet them?” 

“You might want to wait on that one,” Hunter was now leaning against the wall just outside the main room, looking over his shoulder towards the copilot's seat as a blur of blonde dashed out ahead of Wrecker, Echo, and Crosshair. 

The woman stepped aside as the blonde dart zipped in for a hug. 

“Tech! I still can’t believe you’re alive!” Her voice was muffled as she refused to raise her head from his chest to speak. “Echo said you can sorta see now?” She uncurled herself from his chest and backed up so she could see his face. “Ooooh! Are you using the recording device on your goggles as your new eyes?” She asked. She seemed impressed. 

“Indeed. Good observation, Omega.” 

“COOL!” 

Tech couldn’t help but smile. Behind her, Hunter’s grin was the biggest of them all. Though Wrecker’s teary one might surpass that quickly. 

“Tech!” Wrecker blubbered from over Omega’s shoulder, “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you outta the railcar fast enough. If I had, maybe you wouldn't be dealing with this now.” 

“Wrecker, there was nothing you could have done. But it does not matter. I am here now, and we are finding solutions, just like we always do.” Tech’s voice was matter of fact, as always, but in a way meant to reassure Wrecker. 

Wrecker’s tears subsided a bit, and he tilted his head to the side, realizing he was standing directly in front of Tech, but Tech’s new eye was off to one side. By tilting his head, he could more directly look his brother in the ‘eye’ so to speak. “Is it… like normal… or is it… offset?” He asked. 

His observation impressed Tech. 

“It is offset. So much so, that if I move too much or too quickly it will make me feel nauseated.” Tech explained. 

“So, no sudden movements?” Wrecker tucked his arms in, resisting the urge to hug his brother. 

“Correct.” 

“That’s why you were laughing earlier, right?” Hunter asked Echo. 

“Yeah,” Echo answered, taking the opportunity to fill Wrecker in, “he made himself woozy when I startled him because he got distracted by her.” Echo used his thumb to gesture at Spitfire. 

Wrecker smiled, and had been about to further Tech’s embarrassment when Crosshair stepped forward, and for a moment the room fell silent. 

“It does not look like they treated you well, Crosshair.” Tech observed. 

“You could say that,” Crosshair drawled.  

“I wish there was more I could have done to prevent that,” Tech spoke up again. “I was connected to the main system at the base, but it seems Hemlock did his research well, and learned what not to do from our mission to break Echo out of the Techno Union’s control. I suspect Spitfire already told you as much… In short, the effect on my end was that I could see you two, but I could do nothing to protect you.” 

Crosshair shrugged and looked away. He was surprised that Tech still wanted to protect him. After they all kept their blasters trained on him while he rescued Omega from the sinking wreckage on Kamino, he had thought he’d lost their trust forever. 

“However, I could access your record,” that earned a side eye from Crosshair as Tech continued. “I am sorry about Mayday. Though I am proud he was our brother too. I would have acted much the same as you, had I been there in your stead.” 

Crosshair retreated into himself, jaw clenched, but nodded subtly. 

The other’s exchanged glances, that name was new to them. Omega opened her mouth, questions on the tip of her tongue, but Hunter shook his head, and she fell silent, understanding that that meant that Crosshair was clearly not ready to talk about it. 

“Have you received the medical attention you need since returning to the ship?” Tech inquired. 

Crosshair nodded, doing his best not to show how grateful he was that Tech had diverted the topic at hand, but Tech’s observational nature noticed every detail. 

“Echo made me his nurse!” Wrecker chimed in. “Don’t feel bad waking me up for anything Cross, I’ve got ya!” 

Tech let a half smile sit on his lips. He was back home with his brothers and sister again. Everything was going to be okay. And there was a highly intelligent, highly attractive woman, whom he was willing to believe was flirting with him, if her sudden kiss to his temple earlier was anything to go off of.

Please don’t steal my work! I pour my heart into these so if you like it please reblog to share instead of reposting it!

taglist: @bambambunny @amorfista @originalcollectionartistry (I hope I got everyone, and if I messed up and added someone who wasn't supposed to be on the taglist, dm me and I'll fix it!)

[bokutos-last-brain-cell]

This is sorta random but your and tired-o-fighter's interaction is so sweet ajdhdj this is what I love about fandoms how we coincidentally find each other and how our mutual special interests can bring that sense of joy and excitement. To think I almost didn't send that ask because I was shy ajdhdj I'm glad I did send it then

-sunshinebokuto

I totally get being shy about that kinda thing lol, though that tracks given my anxiety! I’m glad you sent that ask too!

I love talking with people about the things I enjoy but it’s admittedly been somewhat difficult to establish that people are welcome to converse with me here (and even on my main blog) because of how inactive I can be which I worry makes me appear more aloof and unapproachable than I actually am. Mostly it’s because of how sometimes I feel I’m just dropping fics and art into the ether and no one is seeing them, which makes me feel like no one’s interested and so I don’t post things like this where it’s just my rambles about stuff or even what’s going on in life because I find myself thinking “Does anyone even care about just my thoughts by themself? Why? It’s just me talking.”

It’s one of the mindsets I’m working on changing but unfortunately that takes time and I won’t magically improve on it overnight, and when you add my neurodivergency and mental health issues to the mix, it’s a pretty gnarly combination to try to combat. It’s definitely prevented me from being more bold in trying to cultivate a social circle here and grow my audience, such as how I’ve been wanting to find a beta reader for my Haikyuu fics (or even just my fics in general) but don’t know where to look or how to go about asking. I’ve been working on the Ennotana story for the Soulmates of Sleep series for the last 2 years since posting the Yakulev one (well, I haven’t really attempted to do so for the past year because of the massive writers block I’ve been dealing with but still) and have kind of stalled on it because I haven’t been able to get any feedback on it from people, and this applies for a lot of the other stories I’ve had in the works as well, such as the multiple BAKK AJR series WIPs I have going

I feel like I managed to go off track of what your original message was saying lol, but I’m pretty sure that’s just bound to happen with me given my ADHD. Anyways, agreed, fandom space can really be such a unique and wonderful thing! Thank you for sending me these asks and getting me out of my shell a bit more than I’ve been able to do on my own, it means a lot that you’re reaching out and please feel free to keep doing so! (Also that applies for all y’all, I really promise that I love getting asks and whatnot from you guys)

[katyspersonal]

I will be honest, the reason why I am not very sociable within "communities uwu" for my favorite characters or ships beyond occasinal asks or comments in reblogs is not really asocial attitude or arrogance. I do NOT think I am "too cool for plebs" just because I can point out some objective flaws in social dynamics or always have my own thing to offer instead of blending with headcanons commonly accepted amongst my peers.

The real reason is that I am just in a permanent Lilo Pelekai state regardless of age and experience lol. You remember when she tried to socialize with the other girls with playing dolls and simply weirded them out very much? I am just like this. Related to that character since forever. I'll weird my peers out, if not scare them or give them "bad vibes", without even doing anything bad. I can just take up space in a group as an autistic person that can NOT mimic others, and 90% of the people will get confused with my weird headcanons or feel annoyed with my scrupulous analysis of the source material or be disgusted with my unskilled and "ugly" art of our fav(s)....

It is not that I think I am too elite to hang out, it is just that I am very reluctant to socialize only to feel the same 'weird looks' on me that remind me how I'd have to change literally everything about my tastes and approach to be accepted.. and frankly sometimes make me want to wash my autism away like if it was a layer of filth. Not many finally broke to snap at me admitting what exactly makes them uncomfortable about my attempts to enjoy the same fav/ship, most just kept leaving aggressive hints that would pass even through my dumbass layer x) I am glad that some snapped though; harsh truth is always better than """trying to be polite""" imo. I hate it when fellow fans that are weirded out by me "try to be polite", actually: it is not your problem if truth makes me cry and run away. Hearing truth is how people like me eventually find friends that LOVE them, instead of wasting emotions on those that merely "tolerate" them!

But I am still glad that I DO have people who genuinely like my style and 'weirdness'. I do need approval and communication like any other human being, I'm not trying to lift above that. Just trying to stay safer.