#which I am not very good at and do not have much experience in

[the-cats-noodles]

Everytime I see this, everytime, someone brings up marriage as an exception and I can't help but think, really?

I get it, promises are important (to death do us part, which is in and of itself an unrealistic standard but whatever i dont have time to talk abt that) but I feel like people forget that marriage for love is relatively recent? The point of marriage being to join households and pass on property is much older (and the origin of the whole "only death can make us separate" bc property and inheritance) like, the reason people stayed together was bc of duty not love and that was a very different environment than the one now (which is good) but it still means we're talking about a standard that is unrealistic in our current environment (not to mention the insane amount of murder over not being able to get divorced in the past, like it's a very good thing we can end marriages now)

There's nothing wrong with marrying someone and wanting to stay with them forever (we chose to do this for love and that was good actually), but can we stop pretending this idea is universal?

Making a promise is all well and good, but people change and their promises do too.

Like, yes you keep growing as you get older and yes you might grow closer with your partner (and that's perfectly normal and okay) BUT you might also grow apart and that is ALSO PERFECTLY OKAY

Saying that marriage is something to exclude from the idea of decentering permanence is kinda ignoring all the people who really shouldn't be staying together but "have" to (for the kids, reputation, etc) and anybody involved definitely feels that dynamic shift...

Just, yeah "keep your promises" but also know that breaking them is a part of life and its much better for both parties if you break a promise instead of wither away trying to uphold it for some perceived sense of duty or obligation to people whose opinions literally DO NOT matter

(If you wanna be with one person forever? great! If they don't agree bc they don't love you anymore? Oh well, tough luck, I guarantee you'll be better off letting them go then forcing them to stay in a legal contract, which is what marriage becomes when you don't feel love for the other party anymore)

Also I get most people don't want to force someone to stay in a situation that makes them miserable, at least I really hope they don't, but when (as a society) we place more importance on the whole 'till death do us part' bit and less on the 'I love you and want to show it' (or even say the only way to show it is to hold onto that person forever) then it kinda forces people into this idea of "having" to stay

And look, counseling is great, it can work wonders, but it is NOT a miracle worker. It can't fix everything and it doesn't have to bc A LOT of marriages aren't broken they're just fizzling out

Am I making any sense? Who knows, but I was raised in a community where ending a marriage or relationship was worse than cheating bc "marriages are work"

They are, but you also retire from work when it becomes a strain and you can't do it anymore. You can quit a job if it doesn't fit. I'm not saying marriage is a job, but I am saying that if we expect marriage to involve work we can expect it to reach the point where people just DONT WANT TO DO THAT ANYMORE and that's okay

I'm begging: please stop insisting marriage is different from other relationships in this regard bc it isn't. It's sweet and a wonderful experience but it's still just a love between two people and we can't expect that to be magically enough to stop the natural progression all relationships go through.

You lose friends over time but some stay around. You lose family over time (like, no contact in this case not necessarily through death) but some stay around. You lose lovers and partners over time but some stay around. And that's okay, u just don't see how the last one is somehow expected to have more weight.

(Which I believe was op's point? That they're all temporary and that's a good thing actually)

Like everything is temporary, it's just sometimes that temporary lines up with our lives bc we ourselves are temporary beings, and it's okay if it does and it's okay if it doesn't.

I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like… if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you’re a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage.

The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

I just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success… I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

[user947468]

NSFW Alphabet - Arisu Ryohei

Hello! If you're from my Chishiya fic please look away, I am really deep in writers block and I thought this could be fun.. Warning this is fully explicit, if you're not into that please click off!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Very, very gentle. He's scared that he hurt you in someway, or was too rough, or you would regret it immediately after- doesn't matter if you took the initiative or not. Despite being a borderline genius- he's not that knowledgeable in after care, but he tries his best. Cleaning you and himself up after with a wet rag, tissues, toilet paper- which ever was the most convenient at the time- and making sure you feel comfortable, asking if you need anything, ect, ect.. he loves your comforting praises after more than he would like to admit.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Arisu couldn't answer that question earnestly with a gun to his head. He didn't have a favorite, couldn't physically choose one. He was obsessed with everything about you, infatuated with every inch of your being- one moment he would ogle your thighs, than your waist, your chest, your lips, your eye's- yep, he would have to take the bullet. As for him.. well, they don't call them gamer fingers for nothing. He's a bit too proud of how long he can go without getting a hand cramp.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

When Arisu was young he was freaked out by it, thought it was dirty and inhuman- even though it subsided in his late high school years and his hormones were flying through the roof it was always a thought in the back of his mind. That's why it took him by complete shock when you asked him if he wanted to cum on your face, and how fast he came after the fact. He couldn't take his eye's off you after, having to shake himself out of his mind before he got hard again.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

While not major to most- Arisu would never admit to watching as much porn as he frequently does. He's an absolute porn-freak. One websites, apps, magazines- you name it, he's seen it. Oh, and he has a thing for keeping your underwear- which he would never tell you of course, or take without your permission!

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's not a virgin, while he doesn't have women throwing themselves at him left and right, he's not completely oblivious to the sex scene. And sure, he's watched it, and heard story's from his friends- but doing it is a whole other ball park.. its a good thing he's a fast learner. But there are still a good handful of thing he's yet to be introduced too.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Anything you want. Preferably position's he could fully watch you in, but if wanted to try something new Arisu was anything but picky. However, he does have a knack for missionary and cowgirl- he adores picking apart your reactions, how your head throws back when he fondles your breast, or when he sucks bruises into your neck and you follow up with a low moan.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Arisu always tries to make light of a situation with humor. Especially during your first few nights together; if he feels like the silences are too prolonged he'll tell a joke, or when you make a move and all he can do is let out a nervous giggle- its adorable in hindsight, although you know he hates when he reacts like a untouched-virgin.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Nicely trimmed, not too short, not too long. Before you, he would never give shaving a second glance. After all why would he need too? No one was going to see him there anyways. It was on your first date that he bashfully decided to keep himself more well groomed, for your sake.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Nervous, of course. He's overly sensitive, hyper-aware of everything going on- and you wouldn't have it any other way. He's takes his time, making sure you know how much you mean to him every step of the way- whether is be by his words, or his hands, or his tongue..

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He surprisingly has a higher sex drive than you would think. He could go one after the other after the other.. he only needs a few length breaks in between before he's back on track! His record was four in one day- which he only counted because of a stupid, and completely childish bet with Karube and Chota.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Arisu never gave thought to power play, especially being titled the submissive one- and maybe it was just you that provoked it in him-but when you first climbed on-top of him, whispering borderline pornographic praises in his ear- moving his hands where you wanted them, refusing to let him cum to early- he knew he would do anything you asked, and you knew it too.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bedroom- preferably yours. Covered completely by you; your clothes, your perfume, your bed sheet.. he's not one to venture off, especially while still living with family. Although his guard does lower in the borderlands, he'll do it anywhere he deems safe enough for you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Everything. Nothing. Someday's he could see you in a skimpy bathing suit and all he can think is how beautiful your eyes are or how much he adores your laugh. Other days he can get hard in an instant if you look at him a certain way- mind twirling with different images of you- you under him, on-top of him, him between your legs...

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything to hurt you is an absolute no. Blood, knifes, scratch marks- there all no-go's. He's even hesitant to use degrading nicknames. Although he wouldn't mind mild restrains or gags of some sort, on him of course. And don't even think about calling him daddy, he will gag.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves both! Want to give him a blowjob? His pants are already coming off. You asked him to eat you out? He's on his knee's in seconds. Although he love's you warm mouth and curious tongue- nothing beats being between your legs. Tasting you, smelling you- don't even get him started on you tightening your thighs around his head, keeping him in place while you ride out your orgasm.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) 

Most of the time Arisu likes to keep it slow and sensual, covering every conceivable inch of you in small kisses and following your shape with gentle wandering hands. Once in a while he'll get caught up in bliss, pace radical and tight grips- but he'll apologies immediately after, brushing your hair out of the way and asking if your okay- you always are.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not his favorite, he enjoys cherishing every moment with you, every whimper and shutter of yours graved into his mind- but there not half bad in his opinion. He has morning wood but a class in fifteen minutes? If your up for it, he is too. After all he would be a fool to not take the chance up.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) 

If it's nothing too crazy, like almost sadistic, he'll try anything once if it makes you happy. Arisu has no problem stepping out of his comfort zone for you, matter of fact doing introduced him to things he would have never known he was into. Although you'll have to slowly get through his shy demeanor at first.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He's a loser-gamer with a porn addiction... yeah he's not lasting long at all! But he does really, really, try to hold off when you ask him too, after all he doesn't want to disappoint you. Either way he makes up for it by offering a second round, he'll need a second to recharge but as soon as you start leaving kisses down his neck it's go time!

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) 

Would he ever by himself? Absolutely not. Even if he wanted too, he'd be too embarrassed to go out and buy one- hell, he wouldn't even want the charge on his card. Besides a fleshlight - which was a joke gift Karube got him for his birthday, "I knew you'd love it!" he said, watching Arisu's face turn the brightest shade of red any ones every seen- Arisu's never once owned a sex toy on his own account. Until he meet you. It started off innocent enough- cheeky lingerie, strawberry lube, clit vibrators- than you turned the vibrators on him and introduced him to male sex toys.. he was sure his brain chemistry changed after the fact.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

You would say he's a tease, he would say he's making sure every inch of you doesn't go unappreciated. He really doesn't mean too, and when ever he notices you getting aggravated or huffy for more friction, he gives you a sly smile and ask's you what you want him to do to you. When said, he jumps straight into action.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) 

Arisu really tries to hold it in, truly, with all his might - but he's just naturally loud. And you would be lying if you said he wasn't good at it. Every whimper, moan, grunt, and curse could be heard from the man, none of his reactions going unnoticed. He didn't shy away from being verbal either, much to your delight.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

This man is most love-struck fool ever. And that leads to a lot of desperation on his end, especially while your away. How dare you treat him so good? Give him the most live changing orgasm than leave to your collage classes thirty minutes latter? The amount of things he's rubbed himself off too because of it was shameful; your voicemail, a small note you left him on a sticky note, the smell of your shampoo..

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) 

Arisu was an average length, 6 and a half inches long - he swear the half inch makes a huge difference - and a width of an inch and a half, lean like the rest of his body. Pale pink and a strong veins coming from his shaft, they were always the most sensitive- along with his tip of his dick.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He could do without getting off everyday. Sleeping through it or taking a cold shower if necessary, and he never beg you into anything you weren't in the mood for but it's safe to say it doesn't take long to get him in the mood.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

As much as his hormones love raging off the charts- his physical athleticism slows him down. Generally he could fall asleep anywhere, anyplace in seconds- but plus being physically and mentally tired? He's already in a deep sleep. (After after-care, of course) Good luck trying to wake him up!

[3liza]

Really curious about your experience taking and deciding to take finasteride. I’m transmasc and I’ve got diffuse thinning from autoimmune/ autoimmune meds/ low dose testosterone, and would actually really love to have less body hair. I wonder how you balanced the possible side effects given that there’s a huge contingent saying anything from “I took it for 2 weeks and now have debilitating brain fog” to “I took it for a year and my dick shriveled up but I kept taking it and now my dick is stuck like this” etc.

long post

i'm not on T at the moment, the only hormone im taking is 5mg progestin/day for menstrual suppression, so idk how helpful my information will be. but here it is anyway

im taking 1mg a day finasteride, sometimes forgetting to take it, and i got mine from AllDayChemist. tthe effects i've noticed are first, that my nails are now growing annoyingly fast, but unfortunately they dont seem very strong so i have to cut or file them every couple days. this seems promising because as recently as a couple years ago i was still growing genetically long, strong nails just like my mom and my nail decline over the past couple years seems to suggest some sort of problem with them.

as for hair, i already have very long hair, and it's properly spiral curly, so determining exactly how much longer it has gotten in a period of time can be tricky, but i THINK it is also growing faster. when it's wet in the shower is when i can see where it is reaching relative to my back/hips, and it seems like it has grown back down to my tailbone very quickly since the last trim. I also see a lot of baby hairs around the observable areas on my hairline, and my widow's peak (which has always been very defined even when i was a kid, it's not a pattern baldness widow's peak) has a handful of what look like new hairs that are the appropriate length to have started growing since i started finasteride. also, and this is the biggest relief, when i brush my hair i am shedding a LOT less. like maybe 20-30% of the hair that i used to lose in my hairbrush is there now. i initially started this finasteride experiment because my shedding was getting so bad and i was noticing significant volume loss, so only seeing a fraction of the hairball size in my hairbrush as i used to is really great

naturally i neglected to take any "before" photos because im just not that organized, so my data sucks.

as for other effects.....i really havent noticed any at all. my brain fog is bad all day everyday at my baseline, so it's possible that anything finasteride is contributing is just being lost in the background noise. however, on the other hand, the obsessive self-monitoring of the sick person may also mean im in a good position to notice that kind of thing. i dont know.

i think my eyelashes are being affected positively. i forgot to take finasteride for about three days last week and noticed that i lost about six eyelashes that day, so i think they were finasteride lashes but who knows.

as for feminizing effects, like i said, i usually pluck my beard hairs (im fem-presenting rn) on about a monthly basis, and i have about four or five of them on my chin, and a peach fuzz mustache with five or six darker hairs that i shave or pluck sometimes too. since starting finasteride most of the beard hairs just havent grown in. i haven't noticed any breast tenderness or body feminization, i think i look about the same naked as i always do, so i dont think im getting any body fat redistribution either. i havent noticed any sexual effects either but i'm in a semi-asexual period at the moment anyway so im not sure how much i would notice finasteride changing that stuff anyway.

i think the online drug effects anecdotes are a valuable source of data, but that the data is generally low quality. the people reporting on what they think are side effects are extremely impressionable and also suck at noticing confounding factors, and stuff that's very personal and very psychological like erectile dysfunction are basically impossible to get good data for outside of a lab. it's one of the most vulnerable factors to placebo/nocebo effects, and erectile function declines with age anyway at about the same time people start taking finasteride, so i just dont think reddit posts are trustworthy on this topic. someone could easily have turned 35, started taking finasteride because they were losing enough hair for it to bother them (normal at that age), and then also started experiencing age-related erection decline at the same time for reasons unrelated to finasteride, and just done the human thing of associating the two unrelated events. on the other hand hormones are weird and theres every reason to expect an exogenous drug thats doing stuff to your "masculine" endogenous hormones could affect your penits. its not unrealistic at all.

drug companies bend over backwards to hide side effects that only come to light many years after a large general population is exposed to a drug. so i dont think you can discount this stuff either. i just tend to assume most of the reddit side effects are partially bad data and partially exaggerated, even as i take them seriously.

in conclusion hormones are truly weird and have unpredictable effects. i think it's probably not the case that trialing a low dose of finasteride for a few months would permanently damage you, but i cant state that with certainty because idk,. shit happens and there are edge cases for everything.

edit: i just remembered i used an epilator on my legs around the same time i started taking it. i dont have a lot of body hair normally so idk how good this data is, but i THINK my leg hair has been growing back less, and thinner, than it was before i yanked em all out. kind of hard to tell since epilators usually cause really bad ingrowns on me, i dont really have the right hair texture to be using one in the frist place. but this epilation growback SEEMS less hairy than it usually is.

[sewersewersewercouch]

Microphone and ADHD: yet another very rambly analysis

GUESS WHO’S WRITING LONG TUMBLR POSTS ABOUT MIC AGAIN!!!!

i’ve been trying to formulate this post in my brain for a while and i’m finally writing it. I should add a disclaimer here: while i’ve done my own research for this, i’m also mostly writing from my own experience, which a) obviously every case of adhd is different, and b) while adhd is my only diagnosis at present, there are various other things that i’m questioning and in the process of being evaluated for which might also bleed into my experiences with adhd. If there are any issues please feel free to point them out! Also i don’t want to imply that if you don’t have adhd you can’t relate to mic, i’m just discussing the things i personally am seeing in canon. Also also, if this is weird and disjointed and rambly, well, you signed up to read a very long post by someone from adhd about blorbo from their shows.

I think what first comes to mind with Mic and ADHD traits for me is her impulsivity. This is something we see trip her up again and again—for example, when she yells at Fan in Tri Your Best, not considering how the noise could boost him into the air and ahead of her, or in Mazed and Confused, when she calls after Knife in the maze without realizing that Test Tube is in there as well. (And yes, she didn’t hear Baseball say that Test Tube was in there, but if she’d thought before she’d acted she might have considered looking around to make sure there were no Bright Lights missing as well.) Hell, another example I noticed was that during Mine Your Own Business, when Taco and Knife are arguing, Mic physically shoves Knife into the gem, and like, not gently, either—he slams into it pretty hard. It’s been pretty well established at this point that Mic is very averse to physical violence, and she definitely wouldn’t do anything like that intentionally, but the fact of the matter is, when she’s stressed like that, she just kind of makes a snap action without using her head.

This also ties into my second point, her difficulties with emotional regulation, which is something that’s very common with ADHD. I kind of struggle to describe how this shows up in Mic, because honestly, a lot of her seemingly overblown reactions are more of a “straw that breaks the camel’s back” type of situation where she takes so much shit from her teammates that obviously, who wouldn’t be upset? However, I do think it’s fair to say that she’s someone who’s quite easily frustrated, and can have a tendency to lash out quite harshly when she’s in this state. For example, in A Kick In The Right Direction, she’s pissed off about being relegated to goalie, which is fair, but she takes this out on Dough, who wasn’t involved in this decision, just because he happens to be near her, and she’s, like…pretty mean about it, too? Like, when he says he’s bored she says “so am I but not enough to talk to you” and then later flat out tells him to jump off a bridge. Yes, this second one was after he was distracting her and the Bright Lights got a goal past her, but still, it does feel like a pretty dramatic reaction. Especially as in general, Mic’s demeanor is friendly and outgoing, she clearly is someone who cares a lot about others’ well-being, and she’s just a nice person all around, but when something gets under her skin she’s immediately on the defensive and says stuff like this.

Also, just in general, Mic is very outwardly emotional. It’s one of the ways the narrative contrasts her with Taco, who for much of the story is incapable of giving up her facade, whereas Microphone is incapable of not wearing her heart on her sleeve. You can usually at any given time tell from Mic’s expressions and tone exactly what she’s feeling. This is especially noticeable as she’s frequently in a position where she has to lie, and she is…not good at it. Some of the time she falls back on the aforementioned defensiveness—for example, in Alternate Reality Show, when Suitcase asks what she’s painting and she replies, “Uh, zilch! Why are you picking today to talk to me for the first time ever?” and when Knife immediately after asks why she was late, she says, “I got other places to be? What’s it to you?” A lot of the time, though, she just gets all nervous and awkward. Adorable, undeniably, but not helpful when she’s in the position she’s in. (I was very charmed to find that she keeps this trait even after the game, what with her telling Taco to act natural and then going “Heyyyyy!!!! I, uh, found someone! :))))” as if that’s at all acting natural. Never change.) Mic feels everything very strongly, and she can’t naturally hide that like Taco can.

I also wanted to bring up Mic’s extreme sensitivity to negative feedback, or what’s often referred to as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria—which, yes, I know that isn’t actually technically a diagnostic trait, but I would say it’s kind of an offshoot of emotional dysregulation combined with a response to being ostracised for being neurodivergent in a shitty ableist world. A lot of the time when Mic shows the traits I’ve mentioned here, and they trip her up, her teammates show her very little patience and compassion. (Baseball and Nickel are particularly guilty of this—Cheesy does it as well, but he also apologizes to her and it seems like they get along afterwards. Baseball, however, will be on thin ice until I hear a goddamn apology from him.) And while she tends to respond to their disparagement with anger externally, as mentioned above, it also clearly really upsets her in a deeper way. For all the amount she takes it out on others, she takes it out on herself tenfold: look at the words she uses to describe herself in her diary. “Annoying, harmful, random, useless, insignificant, loser.” This treatment, along with her previously mentioned sensitive emotions, make her very reactive to any form of perceived criticism or failure. Even in the finale, when she’s been through her own arc and had a while to heal from the toxic environment of the show, the image shown in the red line game shows that this is still what upsets her the most—the idea of being ignored and rejected by others.

I think this also goes the other way—she’s so sick of being disparaged that it turns into a desperation for approval and connection. This is kind of the foundation of her entire arc. I noticed this one moment in Mazed and Confused, where Taco offers to help her out and Mic says “Really? You would help me out?” as though she’s completely shocked by the idea of someone offering her help. Which makes sense—the only person who��s actually been there for her is Soap. And one could ask, why does Mic stay in her alliance with Taco? Clearly she realizes, deep down, that what she’s doing is unethical. Mic is someone who has a strong moral code that I think in most circumstances she’d care about more than the money. (Yes, I know, I know, the twist, but it’s been proven several times that contestants are more than capable of putting other things above the game. Look at Marshmallow, Clover, Lightbulb, and obviously, eventually Mic herself!) But I don’t think what keeps her pushing her cognitive dissonance down is actually anything about the money. It’s the approval she gets. Baseball, who as I’ve said is normally quite hard on her, compliments her when she does something right as a result of her cheating, and in so doing cements in her mind that cheating=people liking her. She also gets approval from Taco, which fuels this even more. And as this alliance goes on, it transforms into…well, I don’t know if I’d call it a friendship, per se, but it seems that Mic really does value Taco’s company and wants to connect with her on a more personal level, rather than just as a means to an end. This just muddies matters further, as Mic now has not only approval at stake, but also one of the few actual relationships she has in the game. It takes Taco killing two people in front of her for her to decide that’s not worth it.

I think I maybe got a little sidetracked from my point there, as I am very much wont to do, but I think this leads Mic to display some kinds of masking behavior. One facet of this is politeness/friendliness—and this is not to say that Mic isn’t genuinely an outgoing, friendly person. In my own experience, masking isn’t as cut and dry as “not acting like yourself”---rather, it’s often more putting certain, more socially acceptable aspects of one’s personality forward and suppressing the less acceptable ones. Her politeness also comes off as very stilted to me. For example, in Theft and Battery, where she says, “Guys, not to sound rude, but didn’t MePhone5S and 5C just try to kill MePhone4? Didn't this guy create them? Why would he support us if he just tried to kill us?” It seems like a weird thing to have to tack “not to sound rude” onto—it’s a completely valid and truthful point. But she’s so used to being perceived as rude that it seems she feels like she has to say that. There’s also another example I already talked about in a different post but will go back over here—in Mine Your Own Business, when Mic and Taco are trying to sneak past Knife, but Mic sneezes and then follows it up with “Sorry! ‘Scuse me!” Which, as Taco points out, isn’t something people normally do. And immediately Mic falls back on her other defense mechanism, lashing out. If you listen to what she’s saying when they’re arguing, it’s “What was I supposed to say, ‘bless me’ and bless myself? You’re the one who’s always trying to be proper, what’s your problem?” I think this moment says a lot about her—when she knows she’s messed up, she tries to cover for it with politeness, but she also doesn’t quite get the social rules right. It’s very much something that’s put on, not that comes naturally to her. (This is where I realized she has many parallels with my other favorite Cabby, but that’s a whole different can of worms.)

However, she also masks in kind of the other direction, that is, putting others down to boost herself up. The Grand Slams are not the healthiest of teams, to put it lightly, and Mic mimics the behavior she sees in others that brings them social success. For example, when she jokes to Baseball about not wanting to “pull a Balloon—” Balloon being unpopular as he is, she knows other people will find mocking him funny. And it works! Baseball laughs! She tries this again later, when she says to Knife “talk about emotional baggage” in regards to Suitcase, but this time he doesn’t respond well. Mic seems genuinely surprised at this—this method has worked for her before, so she’s put off by the fact that it doesn’t work this time. And I should say—this isn’t something Taco tells her to do. She does it entirely of her own volition.

Actually, looking at this more, it seems more like part of something she mostly does during her alliance with Taco—an unaffected, jokey front she tends to put on when she’s lying or messing with people, to…limited success, as discussed earlier, but I think she also uses it when she’s lying to herself, or trying to convince herself that what she or Taco is doing isn’t wrong. I had a few examples in mind. The first is in Kick the Bucket, right after the Nickel and Balloon double elimination, when she says, “Well, ha, what a lively experience! Well, not much to gain from sitting around and doing nothing. See ya!” It’s oddly nonchalant when clearly everyone around her is upset, and we see her look concerned for a second beforehand before she goes into this. I interpret that as her…kind of seeing that what just happened messed things up for a lot of people and that it was her fault, but she’s not ready to accept that truth yet. She also uses this affect throughout Mine Your Own Business—both with Taco, as an attempt to get her to open up, and with Knife, I think in some ways trying to mimic what Taco did to recruit her in order to do the same with him. Neither of these are successful. Knife being Knife, he’s someone who’s very able to see right through people (figuratively speaking, that is, because now people can literally see right through him! Get it? Because he’s a ghost? Please imagine the sound of Cheesy slapping his knee from somewhere in the distance). He plants seeds of doubt in Mic’s mind by telling her about Pickle—and she’s still not ready for those seeds to grow, but they certainly are there. In fact, the next time we see her use this behavior, it’s in Hatching the Plan, when she jokes that Taco will “inevitably drop me too or whatever.” She says it casually, but clearly what Knife said is still on her mind, and she’s trying to convince herself that what happened to Pickle won’t happen to her even though she doesn’t at all believe herself. I also think looking at this behavior has really clarified my view of her in the movie—at first I was frustrated at how she seemed much more calm and collected than I would have expected her to, both about the general horrors happening to everyone, and specifically about Taco. I talked about those criticisms in another post, and I do still stand by them to some extent, I would have written her differently. But I don’t think it’s as incongruent with her character as I did before—in fact, I think there’s plenty of precedent for her masking like that in situations of greatly conflicted emotion. (Oddly enough, I think it’s something she has in common with Taco, but Taco’s just better with it.) I kind of doubt she was quite mentally ready to reconnect with Taco yet, but in such a dire situation she doesn’t have time to process all that, so she just kind of shoves that to the back of her brain. Not to say that I don’t think she genuinely cares for Taco, but I do think there’s a lot of processing she hasn’t done yet about her that will hopefully be a topic of discussion later please please please AE please for me???? Anyways, I do think this is a response to her aforementioned emotional dysregulation tending to create problems for her, and it’s definitely a masking technique in my eyes.

I also want to touch briefly on Microphone and Soap’s friendship, because while it’s not evidence for my point exactly, per se, I do think it’s relevant. While unfortunately pretty stereotypical representation, I would say it’s generally considered true that Soap is coded as having OCD. Now I’m not going to say that all neurodivergent people can easily be friends with one another, I know that’s not true. However, looking at the scene we see with the two of them in Rain On Your Charade, it certainly plays a part in this specific friendship. Mic helps Soap cope with her compulsions, and Soap is the only person at this time who really values Mic and doesn’t see her as a burden just because she’s accident-prone.

One minor thing I also wanted to point out was how it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to struggle with controlling our voices, including the tone, speed, and…well, volume. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve had people tell me that I’m talking loudly and I didn’t even realize it. I trust I don’t have to explain how this point is relevant to Mic, and it does very much fit.

There was one specific line that inspired me to write this post, from Everything’s A-OJ: “I’m trying harder than anyone else, so why do I always lose?” One of the diagnostic traits for ADHD is described as making “careless mistakes” in activities, and I never have particularly loved that phrasing. It may look careless on the outside, because it’s often mistakes that other people can easily avoid, but when you have a disorder that affects your attention, impulse control, memory, executive function, et cetera et cetera et cetera, you doing your best might look like someone else half-assing it. Not to get too personal on my blorbo post, but I keep thinking about this one teacher I had in middle school who, when I messed something up in a class, said “oh, that’s such a Clonnie move!” I’m sure she doesn’t remember that, but I do, because when you hear over and over again that people associate you with making mistakes, that shit sticks with you, and eventually when nothing you do helps you start to feel like you’re the mistake. That’s why Mic as a character resonates with me so much. God willing AnimationEpic will bring my girl back because I would like to see how Mic heals from that mindset as time goes on and where she goes from here.

[jjslvt]

my thoughts on this character. pls tell me someone understands lol (long af like a fanfic. sry 😭 i went on a rant for him bruh)

(TW: topics about drug addiction, mental health issues)

a little scared to post this… ngl lmao

i haven’t seen a post on this yet but i haven’t dug deep into tags at all and am sorta new ish so! others have probs talked about this? i struggle finding stuff. searching is my weak point lol.

anyways — when i watched obx, the character that suffered the most was undoubtedly jj maybank (fight me). and i can write a novel analyzing it (like many of us can). esp since he is the character, i and others can relate to. but this won’t be about him.

there’s another character that suffered also… it was so overlooked and it’s complicated af. because jj is a good ish person overall and this character… is questionable because he does make serious mistakes. he harms the pogues. he commits crimes that i cannot excuse… but i think he deserves a chance at redemption?

rafe cameron.

something that is highly overlooked is rafe’s childhood neglect and drug addiction. pls hear me out a lil? 🙂‍↕️

i hated him so damn much seasons one thru three. so this is coming from someone who thought would never change the stance on that. rafe and ward drove me up the wall! ask my dad cos i was yelling at the tv stressed af when those two were doing shit. but season four had me start to slowly see something else. that he had some humanity still? the hug between him & sarah actually hit me…

i’m an open minded person. i’m open to rethinking things and i have. it’s not just cos i like drew starkey now. i am becoming a fan of him as well. & yeah, he’s another obx hottie. i get it but i have really thought hard about this.

back to the point, rafe actually needed help.

why is this never thought of?

a child is showing signs… and not a single person did anything. granted, what can i expect from the parents of obx? ward had a favorite which was sarah. obviously (also wheezie? hello? another one to be neglected by everyone?). which starts rafe’s desperate need for validation and approval especially from his father.

that is a very difficult thing to work around. desperation causes for a lot of shit to happen and it does take a toll on you. combined with a child who already had a problem early on… then gets into drugs later in life.

rafe could have been helped early but no shit was given. just ignored the kid’s needs. kids need guidance. what the hell can a ten year old child understand about that? sometimes, i think… what would have happened to rafe if he wasn’t neglected? for some reason, i feel like he would be a good person… i feel like he just never got the chance??

lemme get to drug addiction- & unless you know what a drug addiction is like, don’t talk. don’t judge. don’t even try me because sadly, i can relate to rafe here a little… 🫠 something i didn’t think would happen but fuck, i can. i’ve been through it.

i think drugs amplified whatever mental health issue he might have had since childhood. i feel like it does play a big role in why he did bad things. drugs are no fucking joke… the effects are damaging. it mentally and physically wrecks your body, the more you do. in some cases, many won’t even realize they have an addiction. the tolerance you develop and the way it hooks you is strong. society judges this… i find it sad. we should help people. some people get to a point where they think there is no way out and drugs will help! btw, my experience… my doctor caused it, i didn’t originally seek it. (yeah, got a fucked up past story there when i really got fucked over by people but i won that battle).

next, it is very hard to train your brain… it gets harder the older you get. so child rafe having possible neglected mental health issues going into adulthood? yikes! it’s really not as easy to fix as you might think! i learned from past (forced) therapy, REWIRING YOUR BRAIN is extremely difficult, especially for people like this!!

i feel like… he had cries for help and nobody listened. so, he went down a dark path unfortunately. it was wrong af. i do know that.

when ward left… he started changing, slowly. i noticed that. his father’s influence held a strong hold on him. our parents and how they raise us do shape us in ways.

this is one recent edit that killed me. cos i understand.

i know he’s old enough to know right from wrong, etc. but when your brain is… in a place like this? i just… as fucked as it is, it’s hard. he should have gotten help is all i’m saying overall! and he committed literal crimes, he should get reprimanded, of course i think that! but can he reform? should he be given a chance? honestly, i say yes. if he really means it and put work into… he’s got a lot to make up for and i know what he did (murder) shouldn’t really be forgiven but… idk 😭 would it have happened if he wasn’t neglected, used drugs, etc? that question lingers too much on my mind which makes me think all this…

am i rafe apologist, am i crazy?

[canideformed]

Hey I am transfem. Your friends might think one way but I am sorry they are not the voice of the transfem community. I am personally made incredibly uncomfortable when transmascs target other transmascs and the way they discuss their oppression under the guise of doing it “for” transfems, because, if I’m honest, I’ve faced way more transmisogyny and exorsexism and intersexism from people who have the viewpoints you’re espousing than from people who talk about transandrophobia.

I’ve had people tell me I didn’t understand the people around me and that I was going to “get hurt” if I “kept hanging out with” transmascs. I said hey, maybe don’t talk to a woman that way, maybe acting like a woman doesn’t understand the world around her and will inevitably be victimised by the “evil men” she’s friends with is. Really sexist and infantilising. And it was 100% ignored. They told me they “hoped I learned before I got hurt.”

I’ve also had intersexists interrogate me about my medical history so they can determine whether I am “really” transfem, as if that’s something that would ever be up to them. (And not that it matters, but when they inevitably decide to “allow” me to “be transfem,” they still treat my intersex status as basically inconsequential to my overall Transfem Status, which is very much inaccurate and erases my intersex identity and experiences).

I’ve also had these people tell me I was a “non-man” when I directly identify as both a man and a woman. And then when I’ve claimed that, no, I am a man, I’m just also a woman, they’ve tried to say I’m still a “non-man” because I’m “nonbinary” (a word I do NOT use or at all like for myself).

At least ime transmascs who talk about transandrophobia tend to be much more aware and thoughtful when discussing oppression, they don’t condescend and infantilise me for being transfem, they don’t force me into a “non-woman” or “non-man” box, and they don’t ask me for personal details of my medical history.

Whenever transmisogyny HAS popped up, the transandrophobia theorists around me (at the very least) have ALWAYS been very good about shutting it down and calling it out. And yet I’ve seen fellow transfems accusing them of being “bitchy transmascs who can’t even support each other” literally for calling out and refusing to tolerate transmisogyny spread by other transmascs. Like I’m sorry but if the people you’re saying are supposed to support me actively punish transmascs for calling out transmisogyny… maybe those aren’t the people who legitimately want the best for transfems as a whole. Maybe those are the people who all agree with one specific ideological framework and who try to punish anybody who disagrees, even if they are actively working to call out transmisogyny and even if they are transfem themselves.

There are some transmisogynists out there, but by and large they are NOT supported by the rest of the community or, if they are, they are very open to being corrected by a kind voice (which I have done, multiple times!).

I’m also just. Not sure what you mean when you say transmascs deny trans women’s experiences of oppression. Transmascs talking about transandrophobia and their own experiences say nothing about trans women and fems and their experiences. Ex. a non-passing trans man talking about how he doesn’t experience male privilege says NOTHING about any trans woman. It only says something about him individually.

what does the "proud transandrophobe" in your bio mean?

"transandrophobia" is the belief that trans men are specifically oppressed for being men/masculine and the "transandrophobia" community often uses this belief to undermine and/or outright deny trans women's experiences with oppression and transmisogyny. its a dumb term that links back to the idea of "misandry" / male oppression. as a transmasc person with real life transfemme friends that i love and care for i find the "transandrophobia" community and its terminology distasteful. calling myself a "proud transandrophobe" is just a joke i put in to have that community steer clear from my blog lol

[elodee]

HERMIT A DAY MAY - DAY 10

Stressmonster x Cucumber Quest

For Stressmonster I chose the wonderful webcomic Cucumber Quest!

I chose this design for her because I thought her colors and aesthetic would work wonderfully with the art style. I also think she would probably appreciate how cute the comic is if she were familiar with it.

This one was very difficult for me and I'm still not entirely satisfied with how it turned out. The rendering for this comic uses a very different style than what I'm used to, and I had some trouble reverse-engineering how the visuals are created, so it didn't turn out as on model as I would have liked. But, that being said, I think she looks adorable anyway. I also totally made up how the kitty would look, since as far as I can remember there aren't any kitties in Cucumber Quest, so I came up with her design from scratch.

To learn more about Cucumber Quest and see my style references, adventure below the cut! (The funds are still raising for Gamers Outreach!)

Cucumber Quest is sweet, beautiful webcomic by the artist Gigi D.G. It follows the adventures of a young rabbit boy named Cucumber and his sister, Almond, as they go on a quest to defeat the Nightmare Knight. Unfortunately Cucumber Quest will not be finished as a comic, due to changing circumstances in the authors personal life, but the story will eventually be concluded as an illustrated script and every one of the over 800 pages of the comic is more than worth reading.

I cannot say enough good things about Cucumber Quest. It has a charming, engaging story, beautiful art, and fun, memorable characters. Please give it a read if you have the chance, you will not regret it. Style references:

The comic uses a lineless style and soft color palettes. The shading changes drastically with the lighting, but I tried to mimic the style as it looks with flat lighting (such as in most panels of the above example).

Here's an example of a character rendered with more dynamic lighting (this is Peridot, she is a witch)

Cucumber Quest title banner

[lunarharp]

played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

[thegreenhordes]

Field Guide to encounters with The Glow, Part One: Type 1 infected, AKA Growlers.

Growlers are intensely aggressive, so much so that they are just as violent towards other infected as anything else that moves. While blind, the Growlers are equipped with keen hearing and smell, and can locate a potential meal from far distances. Constantly on the hunt, these unfortunate beasts' diet of choice ultimately leaves them unsatisfied and starving. Stage 3 Type 1 infected usually die within weeks, but some have survived up to two months.

To Distract a Growler: Find some way to create noise in the opposite direction that you are located. Make sure it is loud, and lasts long enough for you to run. Flying is a viable method of escape if you possess wings, as stage 2 and 3 Growlers are incapable of flight. Stage 2 due to the weakening of their flight muscles- and stage 3 due to the loss of feathers.

How to avoid detection: Mask your scent. Try to remain as neutral-smelling as possible. This can be hard to do, but do your best and you will avoid being sniffed out by a late stage Growler. Avoiding detection by a stage 2 is simply a matter of staying out of sight and keeping noise to a whisper. Additionally, avoid making noise when near a stage 3 Growler. If you cannot be detected through smell, your best bet with a stage 3 is to hold completely still, breath slowly (quietly), and wait for them to leave line of sight- then you can make a run for it. Stage 3 Growlers are strong but slow-moving. Outrunning them in a large enough space is possible.

Special Notes: Growlers at stage 3 cannot be reasoned with and have the minds of starving, cornered predators. However, due to stage 2 Growlers being still rather cognizant, you can communicate with them- it is recommended to do so with some form of barrier however, due to their overwhelming instinct to bite and infect everything they see. When things were still relatively stable and infected were being appropriately contained, Princess Twilight Sparkle had frequent verbal contact with multiple stage 2 Growlers in her care. They were reluctantly polite, expressing a clear desire to attack the princess, but understood their situation well enough to be compliant at the time. All these stage 2s eventually progressed into stage 3, and were either put down, escaped, or kept for further study.

[scribblewise]

I can only speak from my own experience as someone whose main employable skills are grocery stocking and general labor, and as a person who came from relative poverty that is supported in their "artist lifestyle" by a partner that can simply afford to with few problems. I am by no means over having feelings of guilt for being relatively well-off during a time of crisis, but I have made some peace with it and I hope this can bring you or anyone else in the same situation some level of relief.

I'm clearly capable of supporting myself with terrible shit-paying jobs with long hours, I did it for 12 years. During that time I did find myself subscribing to a number of patreons and buying products (that I mostly didn't care for) to support artists I liked - in truth I almost never even looked at the patreon rewards or even consider them significant, I simply liked contributing to art that I believed to be good. I did not, as a laborer, spend every second of my life fuming about artists making literally any money. And believe me, there was a time when I did hold resentment for people whose work I considered to be bad earning what I thought was a lot of money for it - that's some 4chan shit, and it's a totally distorted and inaccurate view of the world that doesn't really hold up to scrutiny. Do not believe that having a bad job makes every second of your life unimaginable agony to which every dollar gleaned from the jaws of a corporate hellscape is so hard-earned that you could only ever stand to give it to a saint, that's not really how it is. I liked certain parts of my life and even my job. I'm kind of an outlier in that I legitimately literally love stocking groceries and managing inventory but it pays very, very badly.

Something I'll always remember is the feeling of resentment and also respect I felt while bailing cardboard at 2:30am in the grocery store listening to the hosts of Off Book the Improvised Musical Podcast very honestly explain that the only reason they were successful is because they had people supporting them long enough for them to make it in entertainment, and how there were many more talented people in their circle that washed out simply because they didn't come from the means or find a way to secure it with their personal connections. If you look around, it's all like this, things haven't changed much from the olden times for artists. If people (even family) are supporting you financially during an economic and civil rights crisis as an artist and you're not revolutionizing the world's political institutions, you're actually still doing great! Trust my word as a laborer: when they can't afford or don't enjoy supporting you and getting what they believe to be value out of it - they will stop! As I did, when money got tight.

I am not going to ever be one of those assholes that says shit like, "emotional turmoil and depression is actually a part of the art making process that makes it more authentic blah blah blah" but the job you're doing isn't measurable by the same metrics as putting jars of pasta sauce on a shelf. Art necessarily comes from articulating intent, and that's trickier to sort out than just taking it out of the fucking box - there's gonna be downtime! And it sucks, sometimes!!

As for being supported by a partner - if the roles were reversed and I was making enough to support her while she did like, math or whatever and made basically zero money doing it, the reason I would be doing that would not be out of some perceived future financial or social payoff but simply because I love her and I like it when she is happy and safe and cared for - the exact same way she feels about me. It's not my "job" to just be a happy domestic partner, because even when I'm miserable the support is the same. However, by looking at myself from the outside, in a little diorama of my home and my friends and family, I can see that simply my stability and well-being is actually a fairly robust source of comfort and support for those connected to me.

As a closer, and not that I don't understand that politics is so deeply saturated into every aspect of this discussion that it's almost inseparable, but I will separate it out here - I can't really help you much there other than to remind you that every aspect of this is so deeply saturated with politics that any actions of support you take for anyone ever could conceivably be construed as political action. As a single thread in the tapestry you can't really be held responsible for the weave of society collapsing or becoming poisoned around you, because you (and I) do not individually hold the level of power necessary to do these kinds of things. If you feel like you're not doing enough, there are many options for actions that impact the lives of those around you. Consider volunteering, like maybe literally anywhere and maybe not even that long, but as much as you can manage. Maybe even just solitarily walk around with a bag and a stick and pick up trash. Talk to someone about their problems or something. Help someone, anywhere, and you'll be playing a part. Maybe not the biggest part, but a part nonetheless. I don't want to simply suggest monetary donation, because it doesn't really have the same emotional impact for a person as literally reaching out to help, but I also won't discount the idea as worthless or ineffective - there really are places you can give money that have a positive impact on things.

Anyway, sorry if that sounds like a bunch of cope bullshit, and maybe it is and I'll have a revelation about it later, but it's my honest perspective about this issue at this moment.

i also think its a little reductive to position me as saying "the world is bad so why should i be happy". my dilemma is "the world is bad right now, what part am i playing in contributing to that?". i dont think thats an absurd thing to consider nor the result of just shame. if anything the shame comes from reflecting on the answers to that question

[ask-that-weird-dog]

Kris. Kris. Kris. Of the two, do you prefer moss or potassium more?

* (You get the feeling this is about to be a very, very weird day.)

<< PREVIOUS || MASTERPOST ||

[magicalgirl6]

I'm sure it's been talked about to death, but I just finished yuki yuna season 1 and wanted to talk about it. To be clear, this is fully my own thoughts and opinions. I think it's fully valid if other people feel differently. Also, I don't have the same disabilities as any of the characters, so I can't speak on representation of anything specific.

There were things I liked about the ending for sure. Yuna and Tougou had some very sweet moments, and I liked the emphasis on Yuna recovering through her own willpower rather than the gods' influence

But man I cannot overlook their disabilities being cured…

I understand, from a narrative perspective, that if a major part of the conflict is the gods taking away functionality in parts of your body as offerings, than the solution is taking it back from the gods. I understand that, if they didn't, it might feel like they lost. But they could still fight to break out of / change the system without all their losses being undone in the end!

I don't like disabilities being cured at the end of a story because it sends the message that you can't be disabled and have a happy ending. Like, being cured is the only happy ending. And I know the show wasn't trying to send this message, or at least I don't think it was, because Tougou had plenty of happy moments throughout the series. She was well-written as a wheelchair user, at least as far as I can tell as someone who doesn't use one. I think they did really well with her. But the ending still leaves a bad taste in my mouth because it does still imply that this was the only solution for them.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with the characters being upset after becoming disabled, or it messing with their self worth. Disability can be scary, especially when it's new, and in cases like Itsuki's it can mess with people's aspirations and drastically change the trajectory of people's lives. I think that that's accurate and real. I think they're allowed to be angry and upset for having so much taken from them. But I don't think them getting it back sends the best message to the audience. (And I feel like some of the stuff the characters said about Sonoko seemed kind of offensive? But idk if that was just the translation in the version of the subtitles I had)

I don't think I'll ever recover from my disability. It drastically messes with my life, it makes many things way more difficult, but I know it's not going away. I'm not mad about it anymore. I'm okay. I can still be happy and have a good life. So a story where the characters fully recover doesn't feel inspirational or motivating to me, it feels uncomfortable. I know disabilities can sometimes be recovered from, and I'm not trying to dismiss anyone's experiences, but as someone who won't recover, I'd find it much better to see characters thrive AND stay disabled.

It would still be a victory for them if they didn't have to fight and sacrifice anymore. It would still be a victory for them to keep on living after everything. They don't need a full recovery to be heroes.

[blackvahana]

i am really never going to understand why people post "shifting antis dni" in the astral projection tag. "here practice that constantly gets appropriated by us and used as a weird justification for a new set of beliefs that aren't really based in the same reality you work with, and that also gets completely misunderstood by our community because we don't care to understand what you do and just pretend we know it's what we do like christians saying other religions worship the christian god, have a post! Also dni if you don't like our practice that has nothing to do with the one whose tag we just shoved this into"

if you're not astral projecting don't put shit in the ap tag. if you don't even know the difference between AP and RS I dont think your opinion holds enough weight to counter the pushback against flooding a separate practice's tag with "if you dont like the practice I'm talking about in your tags dni"

[skrunksthatwunk]

head in my hands not me wanting to skip my classes. ITS WEEK TWO

[britneyshakespeare]

Man is saying weird things to me again

[unexpectedbrickattack]

Hi…