#but I am pretty proud with the little things I've done so far
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h-a-unted · 9 months ago
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I need you more than you'll ever know. Still do, willing to let it show. I need a minute just to get to you. I feel like I might be getting through.
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pink-amethyst-tarot · 2 months ago
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🤍 Why You Should Be Proud Of Yourself 🤍
credit to @crystallilytarot for the idea 💕
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P I L E 1 P I L E 2 P I L E 3
Close your eyes, take a deep breath and choose the pile that you think is the one for you ♥
P I L E 1 - You have come so far! Four of Swords, The High Priestess, Two of Pentacles, Eight of Pentacles, Ten of Pentacles, The Fool, The Magician
The first thing I heard before even pulling cards is The Party's Just Begun by the Cheetah Girls and that feels like a sign that you should be having fun, dancing and living your life to the fullest! Your life can be so beautiful if you let it.
You know much more than you think that you do. I feel like you are back and forth between losing faith in yourself and feeling like you are finally breaking through. (I know what that's like, I've been there too much.) You've got to cut yourself some slack. Yeah, it's not perfect now but, you have made so much progress and that is important. You are so much closer to the finish line than you realize. Don't give up now. You've worked too hard and have come too far to give up now.
party cuz you know the future's all yours // dance 'til your feet don't touch the floor // celebrate the day you've waited for // party like you're ready for so much more // do it like you know it's never been done // go a little crazy // have too much fun //today's the day, c'mon everyone // the party's just begun //
Channeled song - The Party's Just Begun by The Cheetah Girls
P I L E 2 - Going With The Flow Two of Pentacles, Nine of Pentacles, Two of Wands (Reversed), Six of Pentacles, Justice, Queen of Pentacles, Eight of Swords
Despite your fear of change, you have overcome, finding your balance in your life and either now or soon, you will be enjoying the fruits of your labor. That could be financial abundance for this pile - it seems pretty likely, considering all the pentacles. You have been a very giving person and now it's time that people start giving to you in whatever way that may fit you.
You should also be proud of yourself for getting yourself to a point where you don't feel sorry for yourself. You've done the work to really see the truth of the situation - where you have been both right and wrong - and you've seen that you aren't as stuck as you once thought.
P I L E 3 - You've opened your heart again! King of Cups, Ten of Swords, Seven of Swords, Seven of Pentacles, Ace of Swords, Eight of Pentacles (Reversed), The Moon, Ten of Cups
You've been through some hard times. I feel like your heart was really bruised and batter but, despite the things you have been through, you have taken your lemons and turned them into make lemonade! I can see some of you turning to writing, journaling, or posting on social media. You have been working on yourselves and you are so happy with the progress you've made. You should be proud of yourself; I know I am! This work you have done on yourself is leading you to a new beginning in your life, a change of pace that you have be dying to have!
Your dreams are coming true and your intuition is spot on! You are about to get everything you wanted and then some so you can relax and know that your life is about to change for the better.
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If you are looking for a personal reading, you can look on my shop on Etsy at PinkAmethystTarot, DM me or send me an e-mail at [email protected]
If you feel called to tip:
C@SH@PP: $oddlycozycottage
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Thank you all so much for interacting with me and my readings, it really does mean the world to me!
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LEGAL DISCLAIMER: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. THESE READINGS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. no guarantees are implied. These readings are not a substitute or replacement for any professional help or services. My readings are not a substitute for any form of professional legal, medical/psychiatric, relationship, religious/spiritual or financial/ business advice nor consultations. You should always see a professional legal/trained adviser for help in any matter. I am not responsible for any decisions/ actions you take.
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artaxlivs · 1 year ago
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Were they kidding with this bullshit? Like, seriously? So many gates opening up to different dimensions now that there were too many for Supergirl to close and this? This is what they got? Fuck this. Seriously.
"Are you a virgin?" Mike asked like the total little dickhead he is.
"So what if I am? Aren't you? And the rest of your little friends?" Eddie sniped back at the rude little bastard but then, he blanched, "actually, don't answer that. I don't want to know."
Why did this have to be happening when Eddie was on a perimeter check?
Mike rolled his eyes like he couldn't believe how ridiculous Eddie was being, "Dumbass, we're children. Unicorns never go to innocent children in fairy tales. Because we're all innocent. They go to innocent adults. Virgins." He put far too much emphasis on the word because he is, as mentioned, a little dickhead.
"Listen, fuck you and the unicorn you rode in on. I'm not fucking innocent. I've done...things. Things I'm not gonna tell you about!" Eddie sputtered, crossing his arms and almost losing his precarious balance on the tree branch.
He needed to be careful because there was a unicorn circling underneath him. And not the beautiful, ethereal kind. It was beautiful, sure, but it had blood all over his muzzle and splattered across it's chest and on it's front hooves. Probably from the last virgin it had tracked down in god knows what dimension and trampled slash eaten to death. It's eyes were blazing red fire and it had fangs. Fangs. Fuck. That.
Eddie heard Steve sighing and then he flailed an arm from Eddie's tree branch to Robin and said, "It can't be trying to get you because you're a virgin, it's not going anywhere near Robin!"
The girl in question squeaked. Her ears and cheeks went bright red. All three of them turned to look at her.
"Wait, what? Was it you know who? From the...? You didn't tell me? When did you...?" Steve asked cryptically, shedding absolutely no light on who Buckley was knocking boots with.
"Yes after we met at the...place." Robin supplied lamely and then bared her teeth and said through them, "After. But before we went back in to fight Henry slash Vecna slash One." She shrugged and let out a hysterical sounding giggle. "It was...End of the World Sex. Just in case, you know?"
"Ohhhh I'm so proud of you!" And oddly, Steve really did sound proud. Which was weird. Eddie was pretty sure Robin was gay which meant the caginess was in reference to a girl but the fact that Steve was so supportive was a little suprising.
Without actively thinking about the repercussions, Eddie's mouth decided to test that theory, "Well damn, wish I'd have thought of that. Steve - want to deflower me so this unicorn leaves me alone?" The hysterical giggle Eddie let out rivaled Robin's.
Slowly Steve turned back to him but before he could reply, Mike scoffed, "You are his type. Skinny, big bushy hair, big eyes, you and Nancy both talk like everyone is just waiting to listen to you to speak." He rolled his eyes, "Annoying."
"Rude!" Eddie tilted his head thoughtfully, "You know what though? I'm fine with it. Nancy Wheeler is a badass and I want to be her when I grow up. Or when I get down from this tree." Eddie cringed, staring down as the unicorn stopped and looked up, one of it's flaming eyes bore into him. It neighed, shaking it's gorgeous mane but also splattering little droplets of blood everywhere.
Gross. So gross.
"Huh. Now that you mention it..." Robin stared up at Eddie thoughtfully, "I totally see it."
Steve just dragged his hand down his face and glared at the angry unicorn, "Okay, we need a real plan because Eddie isn't coordinated enough to have sex in a tree." He put his hands on his hips like a baseball mom wondering if she brought enough orange slices and Shastas for the whole team. "Do we know any other adult virgins to lure this one away?"
Mike snorted, "Those are probably more rare than the unicorn.'
Eddie flipped him off, "You're rolling at disadvantage on all charisma and persuasion checks for the rest of time."
"We'll have to find a new DM when the unicorn gores you anyway," Mike shrugged. "Whatever."
Then he wandered off. Just walked away, like Eddie wasn't two feet away from being mauled by a feral beast who's name was probably Glitter Sparkle or some shit. What a dickhead.
Looking away from the unicorn, Eddie watched Robin wave Steve over and whisper to him. They had a hushed conversation for several minutes while Eddie yelled things like, "Wanna share with the class?" and "Good friends don't make shitty plans in secret!" But they ignored him. Bastards.
Until Steve turned to the tree and asked, "By 'things' what do you mean?"
What?
"Harrington, what the hell are you talking about?"
"You said you've done 'things' but not had sex. What things?" Steve brushed a hand through his miraculously still perfect hair, and sighed, obviously frustrated, "We're trying to figure out what the unicorn considers virginity. Robin's never..." He petered off and glanced back at her and then over at Mike who was half way down the block with his radio out, sitting on a bench with his back to them, probably telling everyone that Eddie still had his V card. Traitor.
He was too far away for them to hear his conversation so he was probably too far for theirs.
Robin cleared her throat. "I've never had, you know, penetrative sex. Just...um...uh...third base!" She squeaked again and then covered her face with her hands.
"You're being extremely weird about sex talk while a blood covered unicorn is stalking me like a jungle cat!" Eddie informed her. "Oral. Just say oral sex, you weirdo!"
"Ok fine!" She shouted, "I've given and reciprocated oral sex! Jesus." Then she crossed her arms and grumbled under her breath, tapping one foot on the grass.
Eddie couldn't help it. He laughed with glee. "Was she cute?"
Robin sputtered, mouth dropping in shock.
What? Did she think she was a subtle lesbian? Because she wasn't. Not at all. Her high tops had boobs drawn on them like some twelve year old boy just hitting puberty. He rolled his eyes.
Steve looked up at Eddie then. His eyebrows were arched in that way they get when he's thinking up a plan. They're not always good plans but he carries them out and everyone usually lives so, Eddie could do worse. "Well - Big Boy?" Steve's lips twitched in a smile at using Eddie's nickname for him. "I'm guessing when you said you've done 'things,' you were lying?"
"Yeah, duh." Eddie retorted, snapping in his irritation and mounting fear. Mounting, ha. Like a horse and like sex. Mounting. He bit his lip to contain the very poorly timed giggle.
Robin rolled her eyes, grabbed Steve's arm and gave him a severe 'be careful' look and then hustled over to where Mike was sitting. When Steve tucked his bat into his backpack and started to creep around the tree, he realized she was giving them privacy. Holy shit.
The unicorn didn't even acknowledge Steve's presence as he skirted around it and climbed the tree, grunting and complaining under his breath how nobody better call him the Virginsitter because he swears to God. Then the rest of his grumbling got lost, buried under the sound of Eddie's heart pounding in his ears.
Holy shit.
And that's how Eddie lost his mythically constructed virginity in a tree to Steve Harrington who was apparently bisexual and very, very good at blowjobs.
Neither of them even noticed which way the unicorn went.
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tumb1rprincess · 1 year ago
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Okay, I just binged the rest of the Hazbin Hotel episodes.
Carmilla and Zestial are hot. And Carmilla is so interesting. I loved her and Vaggie's song. I actually didn't expect them to reveal who killed the angel so quickly. But I love how they're showing that even some of the top overlords in Hell care. The only question now is what Alastor is going to do with this information.
I love Vox. He has a great voice and his rivalry with Alastor is hilarious.
Sir Pentious is such a fucking loser and I adore him.
Nifty almost reminds me of Little My from the Moomins with her little gremlin energy. I don't know if we'll get any serious moments with her like we have with the other characters, but I guess we'll see.
I love how Alastor's room is a literal bayou/swamp. And him eating the whole fucking deer was hilarious.
I didn't expect for some of the others to find out about Angel and Val's toxic relationship so quickly, but I did like how it showed an uncommon angle: how trying to save someone from an abusive relationship can make things worse for the victim. I can't think of any other media off the top of my head that shows that kind of thing. But with Charlie and Husker knowing about this (and Cherri Bomb if we're counting Addict as canon), how long before everyone else finds out? And what are their reactions going to be?
I haven't been the biggest Angel/Husker shipper, but holy hell, am I on board now. Husker once being an overlord and pretty much implying that he sold his soul to Alastor much like how Angel did with Val was a development I didn't expect, as well as drawing parallels between his addiction to gambling and Angel's addiction to drugs. Hell, I really didn't except this angle they took with Husker. We only saw his bitter attitude in the pilot, and we still get plenty of that here, but I didn't expect him to also be a good people reader and being able to see how the other characters really are and what they're hiding. He's almost empathetic in a way.
All of the songs are fucking bangers, Poison especially. I listened to it once before the show and I liked it okay, but seeing it in context, it hits you ten times harder. I almost cried.
The show is so good at making the viewer feel so uncomfortable with how Val treats Angel, it's almost too hard to watch. I've seen shows tackle abuse before and they've done it well, but this was very raw and in your face and it makes your insides twist. And I love it.
Looking at the show's cast, Vivzi got so many people with Broadway experience and I love that. I feel like a lot of popular media nowadays just like to cast popular actors regardless of whether they can actually sing or not (I'm looking at you live action Disney remakes). But every actor who's sung so far is fucking good at it and it shows.
So far, I am in love, love, love with this show. I remember first watching the pilot when it was causing some controversy and I fell in love with it immediately. It almost became a comfort thing for me for a while. I was watching it over and over during 2020 when Covid was running rampant and everything was shit. I'm so proud of Vivzie and everyone else for their hard work and dedication and love. This show is so different from everything else out there. I hope now that it's out, even more people can fall in love with it.
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heybaetae · 14 days ago
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hi friends! 👋🏻
i am here with my little 2024 gif wrapped after being tagged by @jkvjimin, @cordiallyfuturedwight, @yooboobies, @taehyunghobi, @jinstronaut, and @btsjk-biased. i didn't expect so many tags, so i appreciate you all for including me and wanting to see me recollect some of the work i shared this year. i'll do so under the cut and leave comments wherever i see fit.
i've seen a couple different ways people have done this, so i'll do a variation of both. i'll list my favorite vs. most popular set per each month + some honorable mentions that i liked or were particularly proud of. feel free to go show any of the mentioned posts some love just as i plan to do with everyone else's some time after i post this!
JANUARY
my favorite - vmin holding hands ↳ because i'm Me and they are insufferable
most popular - thankful taehyung
honorable mentions - jimin at home, koo sprout
FEBRUARY 
my favorite - jikook...playing? ↳ i was mostly just continuing to test out panning gifs when i made this, but i liked it a lot because what the fuck is wrong with jimin
most popular - blue & grey yoongi in vegas
honorable mentions - hobi backstage, exhausted jimin
MARCH 
my favorite - bts debut solo albums as iphones ↳  this was the most labor intensive set i'd made probably since the first set in my social media series (aka the instagram feed...part two next year? i've already outlined the templates but hobi is holding me back) and mayhaps the most disappointing as far as steady engagement goes. it dropped off pretty fast and it really killed my spirit ngl...but we ball. i appreciate everyone who wrote really nice things in the tags <3
most popular - fri(end)s
honorable mentions - fri(end)s live film
APRIL 
my favorite - vmin stretching
most popular - favorite jungkook smiles ↳ i think this was requested by an anonymous person, but it sat in my drafts for many months and i thought "oh this could be an endless series for all the tannies if i'm ever running low on comp ideas". then i finally published it on a slow day and just never made another one. maybe some day lol
honorable mentions - ethereal jungkook, rawr xD jungkook
MAY 
i didn't post anything in may. actually, everything i posted in april was an old draft because i took a break during april and may (in other words: i ran away with my tail between my legs after the iphone set lmaooo)
JUNE
my favorite - life goes on vmin self-cam ↳ act surprised. i can't believe they let this sit on a hard drive for four years and then dumped it on me out of no where during festa, are you fucking crazy
most popular - jimin being small and cute
honorable mentions - smeraldo garden marching band, dino wrists jungkook
JULY 
my favorite - jungkook knows he's cute ↳ i also posted the before and after coloring of this because...girl 😭
most popular - taehyung filling the room with negative energy ↳ i would see that video edit all the time and was like...i need this as big gifs. lowkey the quality kinda slays
honorable mentions - ytc in busan jimin
AUGUST
my favorite - happy birthday jeon jungkook ↳ in my timezone his birthday starts at 8am on august 31st, so that's why i include this with august because it appears within that month in my archive. anyway this was fun and experimental and i'm glad i got it out of my system since i always wanted to try the google theme. i ended up merging it into the social media series because of the templates, but that was clearly a stupid move because if something says happy birthday in the caption people tend to abruptly stop reblogging it when the birthday is over so... 🤡
most popular - jimin struggling in connecticut
honorable mentions - sunscreen jungkook, giggly jikook, raggedy brothers, vmin in jeju
SEPTEMBER 
my favorite - maknae line sharing tae's glasses
most popular - park "believable ass" jimin
honorable mentions - jikook on the train, maknae line love gestures, jungkook being cussed out by jimin
OCTOBER 
my favorite - happy birthday park jimin ↳ another birthday flop but it's so cute
most popular - vmin in the car
honorable mentions - jikook clowning in the barracks
my recap stops there as i have nothing to show for november and december (with the exception of the yeontan tribute set and what i'll be posting for tae's birthday) as i stopped giffing at the end of october.
you can take a look back at everything else i made in my archive here :)
i don't know what the new year will hold for me as far as posting content goes, but thank you very much to those who never stopped supporting my work this year and the last four years since i started this blog. i've had a lot of feelings this year about my place as a gifmaker here and i've struggled a bit reckoning with the low engagement despite how much i know my work is loved by those who matter and never fail to let me know. i am working on reminding myself of this and i offer the same sentiment to anyone else experiencing the same feelings. you all deserve 100x more than what you get back.
for now though, my queue is gonna continue posting for me for a while. if i can get myself out of this funk by the time bts comes back, then i hope to provide whatever i can when the time feels right.
i think nearly everyone has been tagged to do this by now, but i’ll tag (unless you’ve already done it, just lmk or ignore me) @jung-koook, @kimtaegis, @btsiu, @namchyoon, @kookjinnies, @rjshope and whoever else wants to do this, please do and forward it to me or put it in my tracked tag so i can reblog it!
i love you all. happy new year 💜
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televised-uhhh-nerdistry · 8 months ago
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Cartoon rec of the week:
Craig of the Creek
I haven't seen enough people talking about the show, so I'm mentioning it here. Absolute 10/10 cartoon. Just three kids, running 'round, making friends, running their own semi-sustainable community in the forest (there are some concerns about how much trash they leave there but ultimately they're better than most adults). Literally such a dream. they encourage each other to be emotionally healthy and they protect each other from "danger". Like they'll help each other achieve their dreams as they come (and new dreams show up pretty often because they're young kids).
And they're so funny! Like genuinely these kids are so earnest and intelligent and incredibly humorous and full of heart! They have full lives and they live them to the fullest out in nature after school, on the weekends, and in the summer. It's one of the best representations of found family I have ever seen in a cartoon, and I absolutely love it.
Also several of the writers behind the show are POC and queer (I think the head writers are all Black but I could be wrong), so you know that it was written well and the representation is awesome like I know that it should absolutely go without saying, but representation is much more than just showing BIPOC people on screen, and in terms of cartoons I haven't seen that many shows understanding that fact except maybe the Proud Family, Fat Albert, and a few others whose names will return to me once I've taken my ADHD meds. But the point is that Craig of the Creek gets it right. Most of the characters throughout the show (from what I've seen) are BIPOC, and you can tell that there are caring nods to BIPOC communities (primarily Black American communities), and more than that, that the writers know what they're talking about and are deeply familiar with and are a part of those communities. Craig, the titular character, is a young Black boy, and his family are middle class and ultimately very successful Black people. Kelsey (one of the main characters) is Jewish and Polish, and written with more complexity than having a one and done Hanukah celebration. The Creek's main business, a trading post, is run by Kit, a young Black girl with a love for economy and business. And many other characters are racial or ethnic minorities as well, and it warms my heart to see these characters done justice time and time again.
There's great subtle queer rep too, and you can tell it wasn't written just for the sake of representation, like it was thought out and intentional, and it worked beautifully. There are queer witches, and there are no labels applied to them, they're just allowed to exist with no explanations, happily in love with one another. There's a non-binary character later in the series (I'm only like 10 episodes in so I haven't met them yet but I've read amazing things about them). Kelsey also apparently identifies as a lesbian later in the series (I say "apparently" because I haven't done much reading so as to avoid spoilers, not because I am discounting her identity). On top of that, JP (one of the main characters) has a sister who is dating another girl.
There's also a significant amount of body positivity in the show, at least far than I've seen elsewhere. Not only do they openly say "all bodies are beautiful" and follow up on that by defending one another, there's also very little need to defend one another, because there's a very unspoken and deep respect in the Creek for things like body type, skin colour, disabilities, and so on. The kids of the creek, and their grown ups, are all different body types, and given their penchant for community and uplifting one another, it's no wonder they all seem confident in their bodies.
Not to mention the disability representation. There is a character later on in the series who is Black and deaf, and he not only speaks in Sign Language, but in Black American Sign Language. In addition, though unconfirmed, many of the kids in the creek embody aspects of various neurotypes. For example, the three main characters, Craig, Kelsey, and JP all come across as neurodivergent, with special interests, neurodivergent ways of thinking, and so on. Some have speculated that JP has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which is a disability often comorbid with ADHD. Not to mention that all the kids in the creek embody different special interests, most of which would be considered weird or frowned upon in everyday society, but that are given the opportunity to shine and flourish in the Creek's accepting culture.
Take the Horse Girls for example, a small clique of girls who roleplay as horses in a pasture near the Creek, and of course many of their behaviours are played as jokes, but ultimately they are accepted and involved in many adventures because of their unique interests and abilities which are ultimately how they aid the rest of the Creek. Every kid is a useful and accepted part of the Creek, with the exception of the ranger scout kids, who are essentially the same as cops, who are often exploitative, rude, and disruptive to the community as a whole.
Ultimately, the show is one of love, friendship, community, and acknowledging differences as a natural and helpful part of life. On top of that, it's not copaganda! What more could you want?
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asktheritochampion · 10 days ago
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Happy Yule, Master Revali.
We know you have a sweet-tooth, so Saki and I decided to bake a log cake and some hot pepper windmills. I managed to get some smooth cocoa paste from a traveller down in the Faron Region for you to make hot cocoa with. Apparently it’s made from a rare type of cacao bean that has a distinct fruity taste. Haven’t tried it myself but I think you’ll enjoy it with the pastries.
I also bought some ancient arrows from the Sheikah scientist in Hateno. He was pretty ecstatic when I managed to find the right materials. I thought they’d be useful if you ever encounter an enemy you don’t want to deal with. Just don’t point them at Link for any strange experiments.
We ended up getting a few eye paint containers from Swanphora as well. There’s purple, green, and yellow. I chose these ones specifically because they remind me of Saki, Tulin and I, so…I hope you’ll be reminded of us if you do use them.
Master Revali, you’ve proven yourself more than capable time and time again. In spite of your upbringing and the opposition you faced, you continue to persist through challenges with an unwavering spirit. Without a doubt, you are the best role model I could ever have. You’re known as the Pride of the Rito for a reason, after all.
Although you may not yet realize it, we already see you as part of our family. You’ve taught myself and Tulin a great number of things. You saved our lives and Rito Village countless times. I’ll admit, your words can be���unrestrained at times and I am more than willing to call you out, but your perseverance and genuine love for the people around you far out way your demeanour. I would be proud to call you my son with your consent, though we’ll still treat you as family even if you refused. Both you and Link are sons in my eyes.
Thank you Master Revali…for everything you’ve done, for us and the village. I’m forever grateful that you chose to be a part of our lives after you returned. I look forward to spending more time together in the upcoming year.
From,
Teba
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Tch - that man is so soppy and emotional.
How dare he think I have any need for his pride, it's not like I care what he thinks. I don't care if I'm part of their silly little family or not, I've always been a lone wolf anyway, I don't need anyone, especially not someone to call me their son. I don't need anyones approval. Though I supose I don't care what he calls me - whatever, he can call me that if he wants I guess, it's none of my buisiness.
How ridiculous and unessessary. I supose I shall accept the thoughtful gifts though to be polite.
M-maybe I could drop in for - just for a bit to- help out with the yuletide cooking and decorating- just to be polite-maybe-
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stargazer-sims · 6 months ago
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TLC (2)
previous
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Mishka: I'm sorry.
Nikolai: For what? You haven't done anything wrong.
Mishka: I was trying so hard.
Nikolai: To do what?
Mishka: To... to be brave. To be strong for you and Sasha, and to take care of everything around here while you're working. I don't want to be clingy and needy and... and a whole mess that you have to deal with.
Nikolai: You know I don't see you that way.
Mishka: It's how I feel.
Nikolai: I love you, Mikhail. No matter what, I will never see you as a burden or a mess that I have to deal with. I need you to understand that, okay? When I promised in front of all our family and friends that I'd take care of you, I meant that. In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, remember?
Mishka: Yeah.
Nikolai: You don't need to hide stuff to try and prove how brave and strong you are. It doesn't matter if we're talking about your mental illness or just a summer cold, or anything. If you're not feeling good for whatever reason, I want to know so I can help you.
Mishka: Okay.
Nikolai: So, do you think you can tell me what you need?
Mishka: *tearful* I just... I need you to not be mad. Please.
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Nikolai: Sweetheart, don't cry. I'm not mad. It's not your fault, and I'm not upset about it. Things like this happen.
Mishka: But it's happening at the worst time.
Nikolai: No, it isn't. It's not like I'm getting the kids ready for a competition or I need to travel or something. I'm here, and I'll take care of you. Everything'll be fine, I promise.
Mishka: What about the ice show? You have to get ready for that.
Nikolai: I think they can get along without me for one day so I can stay home with my husband. We'll have a nice quiet day, just the two of us, and if you're not feeling better after tomorrow, we'll figure out a new plan.
Mishka: Do we really have to send Sasha to stay with your parents?
Nikolai: We don't have to, but I think that'd be best, don't you? If you are coming down with a cold or the flu, we don't want him to catch it.
Mishka: He's never been away from us overnight before. What if he gets scared? What if... what if he thinks we're leaving him there forever and he'll never see us again?
Nikolai: Look at me for a second. Do you really believe Sasha is going to be worried about that, or is it something you'd worry about?
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Mishka: *weeping* I'm sorry.
Nikolai: Shh... It's all right. I've got you.
Mishka: I don't want to leave him. I remember how scary that was for me, and how I'd scream when Mama left the house because I thought she was never coming back, like my biological mother did. I... I remember I couldn't stop crying, and I'd always feel sick after.
Nikolai: How far back can you remember that happening?
Mishka: I don't know. Forever. All I know is that I can't do that to Sasha. Please, Kolya? Can't we just keep him here with us? I know I won't be able to cuddle him and kiss him like I usually do, but I want him to know I'm still with him because... because... *crying*
Nikolai: *softly* Deep breaths, sweetheart.
Mishka: *gasping*
Nikolai: Slowly, Mishka. Breathe slowly. You can do it. Just like we practiced. We’re not going to panic. We’re going to…
Mishka: Find our inner calm.
Nikolai: Good. You’re doing good. Keep breathing like that.
Mishka: Don’t let go.
Nikolai: I won't. Not until you tell me you're ready.
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Nikolai: Better?
Mishka: A little. You probably think I'm ridiculous.
Nikolai: No, I don't. I think you're scared, and knowing what I know about you, that seems like a pretty logical reaction. But, you know what else I know?
Mishka: What?
Nikolai: I know that despite what you think, you are brave and strong. You've been through a lot, and you've survived all of it, and you never let it take away the best parts of who you are. You should be proud of that.
Mishka: I'm trying, but it's hard.
Nikolai: You'll get there. Some day, you'll see yourself the way I see you. You'll trust yourself and you won't be as scared any more.
Mishka: What am I supposed to do until then?
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Nikolai: Take baby steps. Make one little bit of progress at a time, just like you've been doing all along.
Mishka: But, how?
Nikolai: You know how. Push your boundaries a tiny bit at a time. I've seen you do that so many times already, so I know you can.
Mishka: This feels bigger than a baby step.
Nikolai: Maybe, but it's okay to take a bigger step once in a while. What do I always tell you?
Mishka: Taking risks is one of the ways we succeed?
Nikolai: Right. You know, you've taken some super huge steps this year. I don't think you even realize how much progress you've made.
Mishka: Do you think so?
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Nikolai: This time last year, you wouldn't even leave the house without me. Now you're going grocery shopping by yourself, and going to your English class and volunteering and taking Sasha to his baby socialization group. You're trying new things and making friends. That's a lot.
Mishka: But I'm still scared. I still worry about... everything.
Nikolai: That's not stopping you from doing things now, though, is it?
Mishka: Not all the time, but... I don't know. I feel like it might stop me from being away from Sasha. I trust your parents, but it's still terrifying, wondering whether he'll understand that it's just for tonight and tomorrow.
Nikolai: Tell me something. When I leave the house, do you ever think I'm not coming back?
Mishka: No.
Nikolai: Why not?
Mishka: Because I know you love me and you'd never leave me, and I trust you.
Nikolai: Do you think Sasha knows you love him?
Mishka: Yes. I tell him every day.
Nikolai: And do you think he trusts you?
Mishka: *nodding*
Nikolai: Then, don't you think he knows you'd never leave him? He can be with his grandma and grandpa without you, just like you're here at home during the day without me, and he'll be waiting for you to come back just like you wait for me.
Mishka: Do you really think he'd be better off with your parents overnight?
Nikolai: I do, but I'll leave the decision up to you. I want you to have a chance to rest and to let me take care of you without either of us having to be concerned about how we're going to manage looking after the baby too, but if you'd rather keep him here, then I'm willing to do my best for both of you.
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Mishka: If we let your mother take him, do you think she'd mind if I called her on FaceTime a few times? You know... just so I could see him.
Nikolai: You can ask her, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind that at all. If you're feeling up to it, you could even talk to him and sing the song you always sing to him when you put him down for his naps.
Mishka: She'd know everything she's supposed to do for him, right?
Nikolai: Well, if Natascha and I making it past our childhood is any indication, I'd say yes.
Mishka: All right. I think... I think I'm okay with him going there.
Nikolai: Okay, if you're sure.
Mishka: Call her before I change my mind, please, and can you get me a pencil and some paper so I can make her a list of things to do? Just in case.
Nikolai: I can do that. I'm going to get you a bottle of water and some fever reducers too. You're really hot, and not in a good way.
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Mishka: Can you open a window?
Nikolai: It's raining, but I think that'll still be fine.
Mishka: Thanks.
Nikolai: Try to rest. I'm going to call my mother, and then I'll be right back.
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crescencestudio · 6 months ago
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๋࣭⭑ Devlog #42 | 6.25.24 ๋࣭⭑
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tis the season of Kayn
HAPPY SUMMER!!
Hope you're all doing well and keeping cool <3 I know for me it's started getting to.... the Hot Season. To celebrate the start of Hot Girl Summer (and the beta route going live), I of course had to draw the hottest girl, Kayn.
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we must stay cool brothers
Now that we've paid respect to The Hot Girl, let's get into the devlog!
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Writing has been fun this month. A lot of it has been dedicated to Etza edits and writing Kuna'a's route. We're getting to about the halfway mark with Etza edits, so we are definitely chugging along!
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Sneaky peeky of a recent edit
For Kuna'a's route, I said I wanted to have his first draft complete or almost complete by the next devlog, and I'm VERY PLEASED AND PROUD to say their first draft is In Fact almost complete! This is, of course, the very, very first draft so I'll be going back in to flesh some scenes out here and there and rizz him up even more. But I'm happy with the fact that at least the very base draft is done ^^
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This month, I did quite a bit of drawing actually! I finished rendering two of Kayn's CGs, meaning 8 out of their total 9 CGs are finished YYYEEEAAAHHHH!!!!!
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it feels so good to see the ending cg titles ouuggHHHH
Because Fenir's beta will be going out soon, I wanted to make some headway on his CGs. This month, I ended up finishing 3 of his CGs and sketching two. I'd really like to get 5-6 of his CGs finished so that it's a similar amount to Kayn's beta, so here's to praying!
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baby girl
I also finished Senja's (they/he) sprite and base expressions. His outfit was designed by very talented bestie @saffein-e so please thank them for doing god's work o7
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Finally, this past month we worked mostly on Kayn's beta route and getting Fenir's beta route ready for Patreon access!
If you'd like to try out Kayn's beta, you can get access to it if you subscribe to my Patreon (tier Hydra). Beta access to Kayn's route will close as soon as Fenir's beta goes up which will be early July, so if you want to experience Kayn's beta, definitely make sure you subscribe before it ends!
Player feedback for Kayn's route so far has been really positive, which has been a relief, especially since Kayn's route is the first one I wrote so is arguably the roughest (I have a big soft spot for it and like it, but I'm obviously Biased). So I hope you're all looking forward to it!! <4
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beta feedback: so real
I also have started the voice acting sessions for the characters, which is EXTREMELY EXCITING!! That's the last asset I need basically, so the fact we have finally entered a stage where we can start recording is crazy. Our current session is for Kayn's route, but in the coming months we'll be moving to the next routes similar to how beta-testing is going :')
Aside from Kayn's route, I've also been working on coding Fenir's beta route. Rereading his script and he's... a cutie, I'll admit. So I hope the Fenir fans are excited for his route to enter the beta phase!
LET'S.......... GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Last thing, but I also ran a poll on Alaris's release, basically asking whether you all would prefer a full or segmented release. The results were basically 50/50 LMFAO and that's the vibe I've been getting in general. So while I don't want to solidify anything yet, just let it be known that Alaris may end up having a segmented release, where the first four Central routes are released first, and the Fae routes a bit later. I'll see how I start feeling as the year goes on and where Alaris stands, but thank you all for the support and understanding for the poll <3
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I was pretty busy this month, so I didn't have too much time to do market research :cries:
But............
I did see the new Haikyuu movie..................... And I am the biggest Haikyuu fan. Quite literally if you want to know everything about who I am as a person and creator, watch Haikyuu and you will understand who I am to my deepest depths.
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obviously I had to draw baby
But aside from that, I want to give one last shoutout to our Hot Girl Summer cross-promo! If there are any games you haven't tried out in this little set, I highly recommend giving at least 1 or 2 of them a peek! All of the games are so charming and have some similarity to Alaris, whether it's a personality mechanic, hot Fae, or a fantasy/ adventure story :')
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Links to each game can be found on the Alaris Game page under the magic and mystery otome section!
I'm pretty happy with the progress we made this month. While there's still a lot to do, it's satisfying to see Alaris come more and more to life with each month. See you all next month with hopefully more exciting progress!
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meanbossart · 11 months ago
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Some art-advice asks I've been meaning to reply to!
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I use Clip Studio Paint Pro, though I'm not sure what tips I could give just in general. Just experiment with new things often, draw as much as your lifestyle allows, watch how other people do their work but try to avoid "Dont do THIS thing ever" type lessons and tutorials. Use as much reference as you'd like and take your time! To this day a simple sketch can still take me several hours to do depending on what it is.
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Thank you so much!!! I didn't do any kind of formal art schooling but I've always been inclined towards arts and crafts, and started taking drawing semi seriously when I was about 17 (I'm 27 now). I draw a lot of inspiration from western comics and my favorite artists are jason shawn alexander and sean murphy.
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Oh I'm so flattered to hear my stuff's inspired you to take up drawing again, I have a bunch of little crafty hobbies but art is by far the most fulfilling one to me - largely because you're constantly learning and improving.
You're definitely onto something already, I am constantly looking at other people's art (even If it isn't a style I would want to emulate) and analyzing how the pieces come together to create the final product. In my opinion this is pretty much the best way you can go about learning besides real-life reference drawing. You can even take something into your software of choice/print it out and trace it (just to yourself, of course) to get a sense of hand-motion and line use.
As a beginner I think there's no shame at all in taking heavy inspiration from your favorite artists, as long as you aren't straight up copying things and calling them your own. Your personal style Is likely to come out naturally, with time. That's very much how I started myself!
Also, just be patient with yourself, try to have realistic goals for your skill level while simultaneously being proud of everything you do. Even if you absolutely despise a drawing, you still drew something! And even if it doesn't feel that way you most definitely learned from it. Use learning tools and tutorials to whatever point you feel comfortable with but don't get stuck on people's arbitrary rules - unless we're talking about something tangible like real-life application of traditional art tools, things like anatomy, perspective and light are to be referenced from - but It's not the goal to emulate them 100% unless you ARE going for hyperrealism. As someone who uses a ton of reference these days, I can tell you first-hand that I often find myself straying from it on purpose to make a piece look more interesting.
Lastly, draw things you enjoy! Don't let anyone else dictate what you SHOULD be doing and don't fall into the trappings of wanting to stick to one specific style, process, or subject matter.
Good luck!!!
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LOL thank you so much for your very evocative compliments! I haven't ever done a timelapse, not that I remember at least. I'm not sure how they work but I do so much of "I'm gonna try this thing 5 different ways and then decide what I like" that I'm not sure how comprehensive that would be LOL
I could put together a process showcase or something though, I feel like that might be better even, since I get to explain a little of what I'm doing through text and display how I use reference. Something to consider!
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punkitt-is-here · 2 years ago
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Could I ask about dealing with anxiety when starting to make games? Also I hope your day is going well when you get this
Sure!
I think the most important thing to learn about, as with any new skill or tool or what have you, is that you have to get cool with sucking. I didn't get this far in being a fun gamedev internet person by caring immensely about the perfect quality of what i put out; i was just proud to do it! If I cared about getting everything right the first go around i'd never get ANYTHING done. Underneath all the neat stuff I show online is actually a mountain of things that I would call subpar or even failures, but I don't mind having those at all; they're important steps in the creative process! And I think being bad at something is better than not doing something at all. And I'll say this much: in gamedev, even the tiniest, most insignificant victories feel like GIGANTIC wins when you're dealing with something as fickle and intimidating as gamedev, and those victories are what motivate me. The second you get far enough to have your own lil guy walking around in your own little world is the moment when everything starts to click for me and i go "boy i fucking love gamedev so much". it's tough, but i think when you hold out long enough to start seeing even the tiniest little fruits of your labor you'll see why it's such a rewarding experience.
Secondly, recognize that you're doing this for fun!! If you're going into ANY medium with the goal just to earn money or make the next big hit, I think you're gonna hit a roadblock pretty quickly. Make things because YOU wanna make them, and you'll find the anxiety washes away pretty quickly. Don't make things because it's hot right now to make uhhhh i dunno Among Us Roguelikes with FPS elements or something, do it because you have an idea that sounds fuckin sick and you wanna make it real. It's 100% why i make ANYTHING i make at all.
Additionally, cheat!! Use shortcuts!!! All the gamedev stuff I've shown is actually made off of engines that require little-to-no programming experience (SMBX2 and RPGMaker 2003) and while I eventually want to move on to stuff like Godot, I think it's INCREDIBLY fun and rewarding to work with engines that do a lot of the initial ground work for you. I don't think there's anything wrong with using engines that'll get you quicker to where you wanna be as long as its something you feel like you can get behind. So have fun with it, be ready to be bad (and that's okay!) and take it easy on yourself.
Hope you have a wonderful day! I am :>
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whoops-all-jennas · 13 days ago
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Dysphoric - v.c.
Vada Cavell x TransFem!Reader
"This phantom skin, it's weird to live in."
Summary: Vada comforts you as you're feeling insecure about your gender expression.
Warnings: Gender Dysphoria
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Vada's room is filled with the music from your combined playlist, taking over the silence of me getting into a dress for a school dance that Vada is taking me to as her date.
The dance wasn't today, we were just trying on our clothes.
Vada was there for your entire transitioning journey so far, helping you adjust and learn the woman experience. I don't know if I could've done it without her.
But lately, it's been hard. The more I've been branching into more feminine clothes the more masculine I felt.
I stared at myself in the mirror for a second, feeling defeated, before turning to Vada.
Vada is scrolling through her phone, looking up when she sees you're done.
"You look so pretty!" Vada leaps off the bed to admire you closer.
"I don't know." I turn back around to look at my reflection, I just feel so unattractive.
Vada turns me around by the shoulders, grabbing my face.
"There is no 'I don't know,' you are just pretty."
I shrug my shoulders, the words of affirmation not working.
"Say it with me, okay? I'm pretty." Vada says, forcing a smile trying to lighten the mood.
"I'm pretty." Vada states, I remain quiet. I can't keep lying to myself.
"So that's when you say it." Vada half jokes, looking into your eyes as they start to feel glossy.
"No."
I say, my voice breaking. I grab Vada's wrist to move her hands from my face.
I stay silent for a moment as emotion and insecurity build up, the emotion starts showing through my eyes, holding back tears.
"I'm- I'm."
I'm having trouble getting the words out.
"I'm tired of feeling like I'm pretending to be a girl."
I say, the first tear breaks past my eye.
"I just want to be a girl."
"But you are a girl." Vada rubs my arm, trying to comfort me.
"I don't feel like it." I say, avoiding eye contact.
"You'll change your mindset one day, it's all just going to take time." Vada continues trying to comfort me, but it's not working.
I'm staring at the ground for a moment, my single tears turning into sobs.
"I hate my body." I say flatly through the tears, meeting my eyes with Vada's.
"I hate my shoulders."
"I hate my voice."
I find myself getting progressively louder as my emotions take over.
"I feel freakishly tall!"
"I'm tired of being scared of using the restroom in public!"
Vada takes in all the emotions on my face, letting me get my built up emotions out.
"I'm tired of choosing 'Prefer not to say' for my gender in job applications!"
"I'm tired of the stares in public!"
"I'm tired of shaving my face in the morning just to see it start to grow back by the evening!"
"I'm tired of never finding shoes that fit!"
I grab Vada into an embrace, sobbing into her shoulder.
"I'm just, tired." I say, muffled by my face buried into her.
I sob awhile longer while Vada rubs my back, saying words of affirmation.
"I'm so tired."
After a while, my tears run dry.
I lift my head my head from her shoulder. "I'm sorry about soaking your shirt." I say with a sad smile
"I don't want you even thinking about that, I am here for you, forever and always." Vada grabs my hand.
"Do you want to lay for a minute?"
I nod my head as Vada guides me to her bed.
We lay facing each other, gazing into each other's eyes. My eyes might be a bit more red and puffy than hers.
"It's all gonna be okay." Vada grabs my face, caressing my cheek.
"These things take time, but you will get there one day. One day you'll see yourself how I see you, for how beautiful you are."
My eyes start to get glossy again, not from sadness, but from admiration and gratitude. A smile creeping onto my face.
"You're so brave, and I'm so proud of you." Vada's eyes start to get a little glossy as well, failing to hold back a smile.
"I love you so much Vada, I don't know what I'd do without you." I say, my voice breaking as more tears start to stream down my face.
Vada pulls me into an embrace again.
"I love you too."
a/n: I've been feeling a bit emotional the past couple days and decided to write a little vent fic. hope you guys enjoy :,)
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ox24g · 7 days ago
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(This isn't any sort of well thought through obituary, just a ramble of thoughts and feelings about Granny/ Liz Knox, my relationship with her, and the ending of 2024)
Just a few days ago, my grandmother passed away. It was much too sudden, because though she'd been unwell, she appeared on the mend. She was gaining weight and just a couple of days before we had been complaining about my brother, talking about art, and admiring birds. Normal things. I don't think I broke it to her that I didn't get accepted for the studio fellowship I'd applied for, so maybe she passed thinking I was going off to Aberdeen to make fantastic paintings. Don't worry, Granny, I shall do my best to keep making beautiful things 💖
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She taught me so much about art, pushed me, and supported me an incredible amount. She helped me build portfolios that got me into Leith School of Art, and then paid for my tuition fees. Every time I wanted to give up and feel sorry for myself, she wouldn't let me.
Granny, that is, Liz Knox, never gave up either. When her parents refused to sign the forms for her to go to art school (because back in those days you needed parental permission before you were 21), she found work in a dye factory and made her own portfolio, and studied art by herself. Some friends helped her sit in the back of a life drawing class so as she could get some figure drawing done, she drew and painted every day until she was 21 and could apply for art school. When she did apply, she got into Edinburgh School of Art, which is no small achievment!
She is also the most fancy, fashionable and proper lady I know. She perfectly balanced being both disparaging and kind. She never coddled anyone, she did not lie to spare feelings and that frankness was not born out of malice, but respect.
She would have turned 80 in a little less than a month.
I feel like I've really grown up this year. Took me long enough, lmao. This year I got a job that I love and of which I feel proud. I strengthened friendships with people who see me as an equal and love me for who I am and not in despite of that. I cosplayed Bilbo Baggins! What a dream! And of course, every step of the way, Granny encouraged me and didn't let me give up. I didn't always appreciate it at the time, but she was often absoluetly correct. But goodness. To loose both Jura (the family dog) and Granny in one year. The world is so much less wondrous without Liz Knox.
Granny, I'm in bits that you're gone, but I'm so glad you existed. If I could have just one more conversation, I wouldn't even want to say goodbye. I'd just like to talk a bit of nonsence with you one last time. To anyone who's read this far, pretty please take a look at her portfolio linked below. Seriously, she's amazing!
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random-introverted-blog · 1 year ago
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Guys, our blog is growing, I'm so proud of us.
We must spread the gospel of Dark Justiciar/Sharran Shadowheart. I mean, yes, we all adore the fluffy and sweet nature of Selunite Shadowheart, my heart melts and eats that shit up but there's a wealth of untapped potential for Sharran Shadowheart and the fanfiction/Shadowheart fandom are cowards and scared of her power. To that end, I am providing the following information that you may have seen in that meme I posted a little bit ago. There will be spoilers. I'll mark these red as best I can.
First off, she has access to memory magic.
Modify Memory is the first spell that comes to mind though it's limited to 10 minutes of memory. Also, the range of time is decided by the level you cast the spell. You need to cast it as a LEVEL 9 SPELL to be able to have full access to their memory, with level 8 being within the last year. I have no doubt Shar has better usage and can grant more flexibility to her followers if you go by what Viconia did to Shadowheart. Repeatedly.
On that note, she can manipulate/edit memories as well. Modify Memory doesn't mean total erasure after all, but that is something its capable of.
Memory suppression is potentially different, and Shadowheart says suppressed specifically. She also says that her memories will be restored to her after she completes her mission, but I'm not sure if she ever does, actually. If someone has dialogue or a clip of her saying she does after a full Sharran Shadowheart playthrough [including her parents] then I'm interested in being proven wrong.
She is Shar's Chosen [CANONICALLY THE FAVORITE PRINCESS OF A GOD GUYS]
That's not a title/position to scoff at.
When you take Dark Justiciar Shadowheart to the cloister for her coup attempt, she informs the entire place that Shar now uses the wound on her hand to funnel her power into her.
She doubles down on this after she kills her parents. When she rises from the floor and is all agog (thanks Astarion) she says Shar's power is at her fingertips. She could very well be speaking metaphorically, but Shar backs this up, saying prior, and I quote, "It is done. And done well. They are with me now, in my endless dark. And from them, you can draw endless power." I haven't had the time nor the full courage to get far enough in a DJ playthrough to confirm if she gets any cool powers like Ascended Astarion does. Far as I can tell from googling around, she doesn't.
It's not mentioned in the epilogue, you don't see this power the same way you see Ascended become Batstarion. But the point remains. She stands at the helm of Shar's church.
Deception, secrecy and infiltration, oh my
Shadowheart comically has a -1 to her charisma rolls, but canonically she is an expert at lying and hiding secrets. If you try to pry her before she's ready to tell you about Shar, she will pretty expertly thwart you before you can get too far along. While that's moreso her being a prickly asshole to shrug you off her and less cunning, it's still a testament to her ability to bunker down on things she can't/won't talk about.
So imagine my surprise when I realized people were sitting on the fact that Sharran/Dark Justiciar/Mother Superior Shadowheart has a cult of people obsessively devoted to secrets and deception and manipulation at her disposal, under her command... And not a single soul is considering the yandere/obssessive implications. The limits to this are almost endless. Shar is a narcisstic goddess but we're talking fanficition/fanart guys, we create our headcannons under creative license. If we wanted canon, we'd just play the game again.
The Church of Shar is big on indoctrination and has no shame and virtually no limits on how far it will go to achieve this
This, roped in with memory magic, can be a DEVASTATING combination. I've touched on the memory part already in Flickers of Loss where the reader had some of her memories suppressed and the gaps were padded with Sharran brainwashing.
Do even a fraction of reading on the Forgotten Realms wiki for Shar's church and you find out pretty quick that some of her followers probably didn't (initially) choose her.
Due to the perception of Shar's church among most folk of the Realm, open recruiting for new members was not an option. Novitiates of the faith—whether they served as spies, agents, or clergy within the temples—were brought aboard individually, a process that sometimes took an inordinate amount of time. Sharran clergy often sought out secrets held by prospective members, and manipulated them to secure desired converts.
If we're saying Tav completed a full Sharran playthrough and Shadowheart is Shar's Chosen, that Tav saved Baldur's Gate, then converting them would make a lot of sense to Shar. And Shadowheart has said herself, "rules aren't meant to be broken, but they are intended to be bent." She can justify many acts as service to Shar, to manipulate a conversion from Tav. Few finer torments, after all...
In I Want To Live, by Chapter 8, Shadowheart has successfully abducted Emily, and obviously has a twisted obsession with her. Why isn't Shar striking Shadowheart across the face for turning her attention, even slightly, away from her? Because Shar wants a conversion from Emily, and is allowing Shadowheart to use any means necessary to get it. Shar wants what she wants, and so long as she gets it, she doesn't really care how (she'll make a show about it, sure, but in the end its narcistic theatrics)
Shadowheart is still a terrible Sharran [This whole segment is epilogue spoilers]
She's knowledgeable, absolutely, but she fails to apply that knowledge. Often. It's part of why Viconia had such an issue with her. Not only was she grooming her own replacement, but her replacement was, in her eyes, an incompetent fool.
In the epilogue, we see this trend continue. Romanced, she's like "yeah we can't officially be together but I'm totally down bad to show you my PRIVATE WINE CELLAR" guys please I'm begging yo—
If you try to lowkey brush her off by saying "you're not the same woman I fell for" she will come at you with "yeah, but there's still something of me you want to pursue, right? Right?"
Non-romanced, she basically implies that Nocturne has become this. "Yeah, I'm playing favorites and I dare them to call me out on it, they won't because I'm built different and they're scared of me and they should be because I'm playing favorites and they're not my favorite and—"
If you ask her to take leave from her duties, she doesn't rebuke you for suggesting it HOW DARE YOU SPEAK SUCH HERESY MY LIFE IS FOR THE DARK LADY TO DECIDE. Nothing like that. She just says "would that I could, but this is my life now, sooo..."
If you ask her how running the cloister is going, she will go off on a rant. "All-consuming. Endless decisions to make, underlings jockeying for your attention, threats from the outside, threats from the inside... there's times I miss when it was just our little group against the odds. Simplicity is a luxury that has drifted out of my reach, I'm afraid. But at least for tonight, I can have a taste of how it used to be."
And if you tell her you're living a quiet, peaceful life, she says, "I won't pretend I'm not a little jealous. Lady Shar is a demanding mistress - as is her right to be - but a little calm and solitude would be a tonic."
She's unhappy, and she does a poor job concealing it. She wishes she had more freedom to pursue her heart's desires. Calm, peace, friendship, intimacy.
So all she needs is an excuse/exemption from Shar to pursue Tav. All she needs is Shar to let her off the leash. And even if Shar doesn't, I'm pretty confident that this woman will comb and rake through scripture to find the vaguest of loopholes to have Tav.
Conclusion
You guys are cowards and are too intimidated to write Dark Justiciar Shadowheart. She's definitely more complicated to write because of her religious beliefs and the restrictions therein. She's not as simple to write as Ascended Astarion, a man who is beholden only to his own ego. But there is plenty to scrounge up to justify and headcanon a fanfiction or fanart of Dark Justiciar Shadowheart being yandere and obsessed as well, and a pretty believable one at that. You just have to be willing to put in the work.
If I think of more to add, I'll probably add it as an edit.
Now go forth, my fellow Dark Justiciar Shadowheart simps! Take this sermon and manipulate convince the nonbelievers of our truths!
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dark-frosted-heart · 1 year ago
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Book of Memories ~ Clavis, Jin, Sariel ~ Part 3
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Collection story
As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this.
~~ Flashback continues ~~
As night falls, the town is enveloped by a lively atmosphere different from during the day.
As if to blow the fatigue from work away, people happily drank their fill and danced to music at the tavern...
Within such a town of adults, two children wandering about looked out of place.
Clavis: Jin! Look, there's some musicians over there.
Jin: Hold on, if you run too fast you'll end up crashing into people.
Clavis: ! This smell. It smells like the muffins I've had with my mother.
Jin: It definitely smells sweet like a muffine...
Clavis: I thought so! Jin, you got it.
Jin: Seriously...
Clavis dashes through the streets with the zeal befitting a child of his age.
Jin chases after him and pulls him back before he bumps into someone.
To the people passing by, the pair looked like brothers.
Jin: I'm feeling a bit hungry. Wanna get something to eat?
Clavis: I do! Ah, I'm the senior so it'll be my treat!
Jin: Nah, let me treat you. You've already done so much for me. Besides, let me be the big brother once in a while.
Clavis: ...
Jin: Hm, what's wrong?
Clavis: I was just happy to hear that Jin wanted to do something brotherly!
Jin: Ah- I just got caught up in the moment. Sit on that bench while I go get us something.
Clavis: O~kay.
--
Jin: I didn't think you'd actually follow me.
Clavis: Hm?
Clavis, who was munching away at his muffin, tilted his head at Jin's words.
Jin: I meant when I invited you to go out to town when you happened to pass by. Won't your mom or Sariel scold you if either found out you snuck out of the castle?
Clavis: It-It'll be fine as long as we don't get caught.
Jin: You're pretty bad.
Clavis: Am not! I didn't follow you just to enjoy the twon.
Jin: Are you keeping an eye on me as my senior in case I do something weird?
Clavis: That's not true. If I thought you weren't just simply going out, I would've done everything to stop you.
Jin: Then why'd you follow me?
Clavis: So that you can get closer to your brothers.
Jin: Other people think that we're close enough.
Clavis: Do you think so too, Jin?
Jin: Definitely...more than the beginning.
Clavis: I see...That's fine with me! Still, I'd like us to get along and know each other better.
Jin: By how much?
Clavis: Why don't you tell me some stuff. Things that make you happy, annoyed, or sad. All of it.
Jin: ...
Clavis: I came along because I thought it'd be the bets place for us to relax and get to know each other better. Because I think court's still a place that's too nerve-racking for you. A place where you can't stay calm.
His golden eyes which were usually brimming with curiosity now held some seriousness.
Jin: You've really come to accept me as your older brother.
Clavis: Of course. But I'm also your senior too. As your little brother and senior, I'm easier to talk to than anyone else. So you can tell me anything, no matter how trivial it is. I'll be happy if court becomes a comfortable place for you someday, Jin.
Jin: You've grown up to be an amazingly good kid.
Clavis: I'm a good boy! Mother told me so.
Jin: Your mother must be really proud to have a son like you.
Clavis: She told me that too! H-hey, don't mess with my hair! I'll have to tidy it up again!
Jin: Pfft. You look good even when messed up. It's no problem.
Clavis looked up at Jin in annoyance as he fixed his hair, but his eyes instantly narrowed in happiness.
Clavis: I knew getting out of the castle was the right choice.
Jin: Hm?
Clavis: I feel like I've seen a true smie. It's soft and gentle. You should show the real Jin more often, even if it's just in front of Sariel or our brothers. For that reason, I'll keep visiting you as much as I can.
Jin: The real me... If you, my little brother and senior, are going that far for me, then I guess I have no choice. I know I might be lacking as a big brother, but don't turn away from me, okay?
Clavis: I'm a boy with a big heart so I don't mind.
Jin: Thanks...
After giving his little head a gentle pat, Jin stood up from the bench.
Jin: I had good a lot of fun, but I think it's about time we head home.
A rough-looking man: Hey, there's some kids out at this hour.
Jin and Clavis: Huh...?
--
Sariel: You're back late, don't you think?
Jin and Clavis: ...
As if punishment for their bad behavior, the two rann into Sariel after returning from town.
Sariel: Do you have anything to say?
Jin and Clavis: Sorry.
Sariel: At least you're honest with your apology. But that doesn't mean I'll let this go.
Jin and Clavis: Understood...
Sariel: Prince Jin, what's with that scratch on your face? Prince Clavis too, you didn't have that scratch on your arm this morning.
Clavis: I...fell.
Sariel: How?
Clavis: Because I was running from a bad guy that approached us...
Sariel sighed deeply and looked at the two again.
His eyes were wavering with quiet anger.
Sariel: You two are children first, before you're royalty. You know how dangerous it is to go out at night. Even the most familiar of places change once night falls. This is even true for court. Nonchalantly thinking that you'll be fine can lead to danger.
The lecture that echoed throughout the entrance hall placed a heavy weight on their shoulders.
As Clavis' gaze lowers more and more in apology, Jin steps in front to hide him from Sariel.
He smiled as if to smooth things over.
Jin: I asked Clavis to go with me, so don't get mad at him. I'm sorry I put him in danger.
Sariel: Prince Jin, you don't regret it at all, do you?
Jin: Excuse me...?
Sariel: I'm not just concerned for Prince Clavis, but you as well. Actually, I'm glad that Prince Clavis was with you. If you went out by yourself, you would have returned with even more scratches.
Jin: Why do you think that?
Sariel: Because you have this odd sense of confidence that you can do anything yourself.
Jin: ...
Clavis: Sariel...Jin...?
There was a strained tension in the air that wasn't present before.
Clavis looked at the two before getting in between them.
Clavis: S-stop arguing!
Sariel: Thank you for helping me find my words. Prince Clavis, I'm going to have to ask you to stay quiet for a moment.
Jin: I agree with Sariel on this one.
Clavis: B-but if you don't, you'll start fighting!
Jin and Sariel: We won't.
Clavis: Liar!
Jin: Not if this guy doesn't keep pushing me.
Sariel: Unfortunately I won't be backing down.
Clavis: Sariel...?
Sariel: You've never complained, studied hard, took part in social gatherings, but then you suddenly slipped out of the castle. I'm not so uncaring toward you that I'll stop my lecture here. I worry about you as a human being, not as royalty nor as a prince.
Jin: ...
Sariel: Can you at least tell me why?
Next
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pragnificent · 8 months ago
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Tagged by @tina-mairin-goldstein! Tagging whoever else wants to play.
1.How many fics do you have on AO3?
78.
2. What's your total word count on AO3?
934,933. Wow, maybe I can break a million this year....
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Just HANNIBAL right now (and for like the last seven years or so). Been vaguely thinking about picking up a second but nothing has caught my interest strongly enough.
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
Attachment - 7,592
The Fisherman and the Beast from the Sea - 4,565
Sashimi - 2,807
Hungry Ghost - 1,585
Identically Different - 1,382 <- This is my best series and yall should give it a shot <3
5. Do you respond to comments?
I try to, and I enjoy doing so, but sometimes the brainworms win and I don't get stuff done even when I really want to.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Breathless
I don't love this story, but "Hannibal is effectively braindead after the fall, but Will keeps caring for the body and feels that Hannibal is there with him, up until the body dies and Will turns himself in because there isn't any point anymore" probably counts as the most angsty? If you are in the market for a "Hannibal receives a brain injury and he, along with everyone else around him, has to cope with that" story Tina's For Remembrance (Holes in the Floor of the Mind) is a much better pick. And as I continue to think about it, Means of Influence has a pretty angsty ending.
7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Most of my stories have slightly bittersweet but still mostly happy endings. Part of the thing about that is I think it's really hard to envision a situation where Will is like 100% Happy Happy, his own mind hates him too much and every little scrap of happiness needs to be fought for and then vigilantly guarded. But I put both him and Hannibal through so much that I always want them to be as close to content as they each can be.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I have gotten two flavors of Fic Hate. 1.) People calling the five year old kid OC in ATTACHMENT slurs like "r*tard" and saying "he belongs in jail" and etc.
Every time Hannibal or Will fuck someone who isn't each other at least one person decides to Yell At Me.
I think I've gotten the old "you didn't tag for bottom Hannibal!!" nonsense once or twice too, but who hasn't?
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
A little. I actually started Hannishark bc I was really intimidated by sex scenes and wanted to see if I could pull off a short monsterfucker story. I feel like I've gotten better at writing these but am generally more comfortable leaving them sparce on anatomical details and big on feelings/conversations.
10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one?
I've got a WRONG TURN crossover series that I'm very proud of here: Bear Mountain Road AU. You don't need to have seen any of the movies to read it, or anything, the movies' premise of "a clan of inbred mountain cannibals waylays travelers" is really just an excuse to put Hannibal (and Will and D, as child members of the cannibal family) In Situations. If I counts as a cross over, I've got a universe swap between the novels and NBC HANNIBAL here: Shiloh
I also have a vague idea for a SAW / HANNIBAL crossover but I've been sitting on that for so long, who knows if it'll ever happen?
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not so far as I know.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes, several times.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic?
Yep, a couple of times.
14. What's your all time favorite ship?
Hannigram and Reba/D (guys we need a fuckin ship name).
15. What are your writing strengths?
Character, emotions, dialogue.
16. What are your writing weaknesses?
Sex scenes, pacing.
17. Thoughts writing dialogue in another language?
Fine by me, tho I only think I've done it one or twice.
18. First fandom you wrote for?
FARSCAPE.
19. Favorite fic you've written?
Identically Different AU !!!! This it the best thing I've ever written and probably the best thing I will ever write.
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