#but I am pretty proud with the little things I've done so far

[h-a-unted]

I need you more than you'll ever know. Still do, willing to let it show. I need a minute just to get to you. I feel like I might be getting through.

[barcaatthemoon]

Can you do Alexia for “It’s… different. With them, I spent most of my time longing for something that wasn’t even accessible. With you, I simply feel alive.”

I love your little blurbs❤️ They’re how I reward myself for completing tasks at work!

thank you, i've honestly had a lot of fun writing them. it's nice to have something small to get the fic momentum going.

different || alexia putellas x reader ||

it was the simplest things that always caused your feelings to hit you like a truck. alexia hadn't so much as looked your way once she had started to kick the ball around with the children. you knew how important it was for her to bring something worthy back to her hometown. she wanted to make things better and help in every way she could think to.

"i don't think i have ever been so proud of her," eli said, breaking your focus on alexia. you nodded in agreement. this meant the world to alexia. "i know that you do not feel like it, but i am proud of you too. you helped her more than you know, mija."

you had never been good at taking praise, and now was no different. your cheeks heated up with a mix of embarrassment and shame. truthfully, you didn't feel like you had done anything for alexia. this was all her, you had just been her girlfriend for the most part.

"gracias eli." you bowed your head towards alexia's mother.

"i mean it, talk to her. have the big conversations that you are afraid of, nothing bad can come of it. your love is special." it was hard, but you did take eli's advice that night. alexia had brought you back to her childhood home for the night, even if her bed was far too cramped for the two of you to get comfortable.

"you did good today, ale. everybody is so proud of you for this, it's going to be amazing," you told her. alexia smiled as she turned just enough to stare at you in the light coming from her tv. "i wish that i could do something special to help people. sometimes i feel like nothing. i mean, you've had a pretty impressive string of girlfriends."

"you are nothing like any of them, you're different."

"ale, that's not exactly comforting," you chuckled. you knew that alexia didn't mean it like that, so you couldn't help tease her.

"it's... different. with them, i spent most of my time longing for something that wasn't accessible. i didn't know what it was until you came alone. with you, i simply feel alive. all of this, i did it because i felt like i could with you supporting me. don't ever feel like nothing because to me, you are everything mi amor." alexia cupped your cheeks and leaned in to kiss your forehead. you scrunched your face up a bit, only to relax it again after alexia gave you a proper kiss. "now, let's get some rest. i promised the girls i would come to the park bright and early for a pick up game."

[pink-amethyst-tarot]

🤍 Why You Should Be Proud Of Yourself 🤍

credit to @crystallilytarot for the idea 💕

P I L E 1 P I L E 2 P I L E 3

Close your eyes, take a deep breath and choose the pile that you think is the one for you ♥

P I L E 1 - You have come so far! Four of Swords, The High Priestess, Two of Pentacles, Eight of Pentacles, Ten of Pentacles, The Fool, The Magician

The first thing I heard before even pulling cards is The Party's Just Begun by the Cheetah Girls and that feels like a sign that you should be having fun, dancing and living your life to the fullest! Your life can be so beautiful if you let it.

You know much more than you think that you do. I feel like you are back and forth between losing faith in yourself and feeling like you are finally breaking through. (I know what that's like, I've been there too much.) You've got to cut yourself some slack. Yeah, it's not perfect now but, you have made so much progress and that is important. You are so much closer to the finish line than you realize. Don't give up now. You've worked too hard and have come too far to give up now.

party cuz you know the future's all yours // dance 'til your feet don't touch the floor // celebrate the day you've waited for // party like you're ready for so much more // do it like you know it's never been done // go a little crazy // have too much fun //today's the day, c'mon everyone // the party's just begun //

Channeled song - The Party's Just Begun by The Cheetah Girls

P I L E 2 - Going With The Flow Two of Pentacles, Nine of Pentacles, Two of Wands (Reversed), Six of Pentacles, Justice, Queen of Pentacles, Eight of Swords

Despite your fear of change, you have overcome, finding your balance in your life and either now or soon, you will be enjoying the fruits of your labor. That could be financial abundance for this pile - it seems pretty likely, considering all the pentacles. You have been a very giving person and now it's time that people start giving to you in whatever way that may fit you.

You should also be proud of yourself for getting yourself to a point where you don't feel sorry for yourself. You've done the work to really see the truth of the situation - where you have been both right and wrong - and you've seen that you aren't as stuck as you once thought.

P I L E 3 - You've opened your heart again! King of Cups, Ten of Swords, Seven of Swords, Seven of Pentacles, Ace of Swords, Eight of Pentacles (Reversed), The Moon, Ten of Cups

You've been through some hard times. I feel like your heart was really bruised and batter but, despite the things you have been through, you have taken your lemons and turned them into make lemonade! I can see some of you turning to writing, journaling, or posting on social media. You have been working on yourselves and you are so happy with the progress you've made. You should be proud of yourself; I know I am! This work you have done on yourself is leading you to a new beginning in your life, a change of pace that you have be dying to have!

Your dreams are coming true and your intuition is spot on! You are about to get everything you wanted and then some so you can relax and know that your life is about to change for the better.

If you are looking for a personal reading, you can look on my shop on Etsy at PinkAmethystTarot, DM me or send me an e-mail at pinkamethysttarot@gmail.com

If you feel called to tip:

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Thank you all so much for interacting with me and my readings, it really does mean the world to me!

Page Divider by @cafekitsune

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. THESE READINGS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. no guarantees are implied. These readings are not a substitute or replacement for any professional help or services. My readings are not a substitute for any form of professional legal, medical/psychiatric, relationship, religious/spiritual or financial/ business advice nor consultations. You should always see a professional legal/trained adviser for help in any matter. I am not responsible for any decisions/ actions you take.

[artaxlivs]

Were they kidding with this bullshit? Like, seriously? So many gates opening up to different dimensions now that there were too many for Supergirl to close and this? This is what they got? Fuck this. Seriously.

"Are you a virgin?" Mike asked like the total little dickhead he is.

"So what if I am? Aren't you? And the rest of your little friends?" Eddie sniped back at the rude little bastard but then, he blanched, "actually, don't answer that. I don't want to know."

Why did this have to be happening when Eddie was on a perimeter check?

Mike rolled his eyes like he couldn't believe how ridiculous Eddie was being, "Dumbass, we're children. Unicorns never go to innocent children in fairy tales. Because we're all innocent. They go to innocent adults. Virgins." He put far too much emphasis on the word because he is, as mentioned, a little dickhead.

"Listen, fuck you and the unicorn you rode in on. I'm not fucking innocent. I've done...things. Things I'm not gonna tell you about!" Eddie sputtered, crossing his arms and almost losing his precarious balance on the tree branch.

He needed to be careful because there was a unicorn circling underneath him. And not the beautiful, ethereal kind. It was beautiful, sure, but it had blood all over his muzzle and splattered across it's chest and on it's front hooves. Probably from the last virgin it had tracked down in god knows what dimension and trampled slash eaten to death. It's eyes were blazing red fire and it had fangs. Fangs. Fuck. That.

Eddie heard Steve sighing and then he flailed an arm from Eddie's tree branch to Robin and said, "It can't be trying to get you because you're a virgin, it's not going anywhere near Robin!"

The girl in question squeaked. Her ears and cheeks went bright red. All three of them turned to look at her.

"Wait, what? Was it you know who? From the...? You didn't tell me? When did you...?" Steve asked cryptically, shedding absolutely no light on who Buckley was knocking boots with.

"Yes after we met at the...place." Robin supplied lamely and then bared her teeth and said through them, "After. But before we went back in to fight Henry slash Vecna slash One." She shrugged and let out a hysterical sounding giggle. "It was...End of the World Sex. Just in case, you know?"

"Ohhhh I'm so proud of you!" And oddly, Steve really did sound proud. Which was weird. Eddie was pretty sure Robin was gay which meant the caginess was in reference to a girl but the fact that Steve was so supportive was a little suprising.

Without actively thinking about the repercussions, Eddie's mouth decided to test that theory, "Well damn, wish I'd have thought of that. Steve - want to deflower me so this unicorn leaves me alone?" The hysterical giggle Eddie let out rivaled Robin's.

Slowly Steve turned back to him but before he could reply, Mike scoffed, "You are his type. Skinny, big bushy hair, big eyes, you and Nancy both talk like everyone is just waiting to listen to you to speak." He rolled his eyes, "Annoying."

"Rude!" Eddie tilted his head thoughtfully, "You know what though? I'm fine with it. Nancy Wheeler is a badass and I want to be her when I grow up. Or when I get down from this tree." Eddie cringed, staring down as the unicorn stopped and looked up, one of it's flaming eyes bore into him. It neighed, shaking it's gorgeous mane but also splattering little droplets of blood everywhere.

Gross. So gross.

"Huh. Now that you mention it..." Robin stared up at Eddie thoughtfully, "I totally see it."

Steve just dragged his hand down his face and glared at the angry unicorn, "Okay, we need a real plan because Eddie isn't coordinated enough to have sex in a tree." He put his hands on his hips like a baseball mom wondering if she brought enough orange slices and Shastas for the whole team. "Do we know any other adult virgins to lure this one away?"

Mike snorted, "Those are probably more rare than the unicorn.'

Eddie flipped him off, "You're rolling at disadvantage on all charisma and persuasion checks for the rest of time."

"We'll have to find a new DM when the unicorn gores you anyway," Mike shrugged. "Whatever."

Then he wandered off. Just walked away, like Eddie wasn't two feet away from being mauled by a feral beast who's name was probably Glitter Sparkle or some shit. What a dickhead.

Looking away from the unicorn, Eddie watched Robin wave Steve over and whisper to him. They had a hushed conversation for several minutes while Eddie yelled things like, "Wanna share with the class?" and "Good friends don't make shitty plans in secret!" But they ignored him. Bastards.

Until Steve turned to the tree and asked, "By 'things' what do you mean?"

What?

"Harrington, what the hell are you talking about?"

"You said you've done 'things' but not had sex. What things?" Steve brushed a hand through his miraculously still perfect hair, and sighed, obviously frustrated, "We're trying to figure out what the unicorn considers virginity. Robin's never..." He petered off and glanced back at her and then over at Mike who was half way down the block with his radio out, sitting on a bench with his back to them, probably telling everyone that Eddie still had his V card. Traitor.

He was too far away for them to hear his conversation so he was probably too far for theirs.

Robin cleared her throat. "I've never had, you know, penetrative sex. Just...um...uh...third base!" She squeaked again and then covered her face with her hands.

"You're being extremely weird about sex talk while a blood covered unicorn is stalking me like a jungle cat!" Eddie informed her. "Oral. Just say oral sex, you weirdo!"

"Ok fine!" She shouted, "I've given and reciprocated oral sex! Jesus." Then she crossed her arms and grumbled under her breath, tapping one foot on the grass.

Eddie couldn't help it. He laughed with glee. "Was she cute?"

Robin sputtered, mouth dropping in shock.

What? Did she think she was a subtle lesbian? Because she wasn't. Not at all. Her high tops had boobs drawn on them like some twelve year old boy just hitting puberty. He rolled his eyes.

Steve looked up at Eddie then. His eyebrows were arched in that way they get when he's thinking up a plan. They're not always good plans but he carries them out and everyone usually lives so, Eddie could do worse. "Well - Big Boy?" Steve's lips twitched in a smile at using Eddie's nickname for him. "I'm guessing when you said you've done 'things,' you were lying?"

"Yeah, duh." Eddie retorted, snapping in his irritation and mounting fear. Mounting, ha. Like a horse and like sex. Mounting. He bit his lip to contain the very poorly timed giggle.

Robin rolled her eyes, grabbed Steve's arm and gave him a severe 'be careful' look and then hustled over to where Mike was sitting. When Steve tucked his bat into his backpack and started to creep around the tree, he realized she was giving them privacy. Holy shit.

The unicorn didn't even acknowledge Steve's presence as he skirted around it and climbed the tree, grunting and complaining under his breath how nobody better call him the Virginsitter because he swears to God. Then the rest of his grumbling got lost, buried under the sound of Eddie's heart pounding in his ears.

Holy shit.

And that's how Eddie lost his mythically constructed virginity in a tree to Steve Harrington who was apparently bisexual and very, very good at blowjobs.

Neither of them even noticed which way the unicorn went.

[tumb1rprincess]

Okay, I just binged the rest of the Hazbin Hotel episodes.

Carmilla and Zestial are hot. And Carmilla is so interesting. I loved her and Vaggie's song. I actually didn't expect them to reveal who killed the angel so quickly. But I love how they're showing that even some of the top overlords in Hell care. The only question now is what Alastor is going to do with this information.

I love Vox. He has a great voice and his rivalry with Alastor is hilarious.

Sir Pentious is such a fucking loser and I adore him.

Nifty almost reminds me of Little My from the Moomins with her little gremlin energy. I don't know if we'll get any serious moments with her like we have with the other characters, but I guess we'll see.

I love how Alastor's room is a literal bayou/swamp. And him eating the whole fucking deer was hilarious.

I didn't expect for some of the others to find out about Angel and Val's toxic relationship so quickly, but I did like how it showed an uncommon angle: how trying to save someone from an abusive relationship can make things worse for the victim. I can't think of any other media off the top of my head that shows that kind of thing. But with Charlie and Husker knowing about this (and Cherri Bomb if we're counting Addict as canon), how long before everyone else finds out? And what are their reactions going to be?

I haven't been the biggest Angel/Husker shipper, but holy hell, am I on board now. Husker once being an overlord and pretty much implying that he sold his soul to Alastor much like how Angel did with Val was a development I didn't expect, as well as drawing parallels between his addiction to gambling and Angel's addiction to drugs. Hell, I really didn't except this angle they took with Husker. We only saw his bitter attitude in the pilot, and we still get plenty of that here, but I didn't expect him to also be a good people reader and being able to see how the other characters really are and what they're hiding. He's almost empathetic in a way.

All of the songs are fucking bangers, Poison especially. I listened to it once before the show and I liked it okay, but seeing it in context, it hits you ten times harder. I almost cried.

The show is so good at making the viewer feel so uncomfortable with how Val treats Angel, it's almost too hard to watch. I've seen shows tackle abuse before and they've done it well, but this was very raw and in your face and it makes your insides twist. And I love it.

Looking at the show's cast, Vivzi got so many people with Broadway experience and I love that. I feel like a lot of popular media nowadays just like to cast popular actors regardless of whether they can actually sing or not (I'm looking at you live action Disney remakes). But every actor who's sung so far is fucking good at it and it shows.

So far, I am in love, love, love with this show. I remember first watching the pilot when it was causing some controversy and I fell in love with it immediately. It almost became a comfort thing for me for a while. I was watching it over and over during 2020 when Covid was running rampant and everything was shit. I'm so proud of Vivzie and everyone else for their hard work and dedication and love. This show is so different from everything else out there. I hope now that it's out, even more people can fall in love with it.

[televised-uhhh-nerdistry]

Cartoon rec of the week:

Craig of the Creek

I haven't seen enough people talking about the show, so I'm mentioning it here. Absolute 10/10 cartoon. Just three kids, running 'round, making friends, running their own semi-sustainable community in the forest (there are some concerns about how much trash they leave there but ultimately they're better than most adults). Literally such a dream. they encourage each other to be emotionally healthy and they protect each other from "danger". Like they'll help each other achieve their dreams as they come (and new dreams show up pretty often because they're young kids).

And they're so funny! Like genuinely these kids are so earnest and intelligent and incredibly humorous and full of heart! They have full lives and they live them to the fullest out in nature after school, on the weekends, and in the summer. It's one of the best representations of found family I have ever seen in a cartoon, and I absolutely love it.

Also several of the writers behind the show are POC and queer (I think the head writers are all Black but I could be wrong), so you know that it was written well and the representation is awesome like I know that it should absolutely go without saying, but representation is much more than just showing BIPOC people on screen, and in terms of cartoons I haven't seen that many shows understanding that fact except maybe the Proud Family, Fat Albert, and a few others whose names will return to me once I've taken my ADHD meds. But the point is that Craig of the Creek gets it right. Most of the characters throughout the show (from what I've seen) are BIPOC, and you can tell that there are caring nods to BIPOC communities (primarily Black American communities), and more than that, that the writers know what they're talking about and are deeply familiar with and are a part of those communities. Craig, the titular character, is a young Black boy, and his family are middle class and ultimately very successful Black people. Kelsey (one of the main characters) is Jewish and Polish, and written with more complexity than having a one and done Hanukah celebration. The Creek's main business, a trading post, is run by Kit, a young Black girl with a love for economy and business. And many other characters are racial or ethnic minorities as well, and it warms my heart to see these characters done justice time and time again.

There's great subtle queer rep too, and you can tell it wasn't written just for the sake of representation, like it was thought out and intentional, and it worked beautifully. There are queer witches, and there are no labels applied to them, they're just allowed to exist with no explanations, happily in love with one another. There's a non-binary character later in the series (I'm only like 10 episodes in so I haven't met them yet but I've read amazing things about them). Kelsey also apparently identifies as a lesbian later in the series (I say "apparently" because I haven't done much reading so as to avoid spoilers, not because I am discounting her identity). On top of that, JP (one of the main characters) has a sister who is dating another girl.

There's also a significant amount of body positivity in the show, at least far than I've seen elsewhere. Not only do they openly say "all bodies are beautiful" and follow up on that by defending one another, there's also very little need to defend one another, because there's a very unspoken and deep respect in the Creek for things like body type, skin colour, disabilities, and so on. The kids of the creek, and their grown ups, are all different body types, and given their penchant for community and uplifting one another, it's no wonder they all seem confident in their bodies.

Not to mention the disability representation. There is a character later on in the series who is Black and deaf, and he not only speaks in Sign Language, but in Black American Sign Language. In addition, though unconfirmed, many of the kids in the creek embody aspects of various neurotypes. For example, the three main characters, Craig, Kelsey, and JP all come across as neurodivergent, with special interests, neurodivergent ways of thinking, and so on. Some have speculated that JP has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which is a disability often comorbid with ADHD. Not to mention that all the kids in the creek embody different special interests, most of which would be considered weird or frowned upon in everyday society, but that are given the opportunity to shine and flourish in the Creek's accepting culture.

Take the Horse Girls for example, a small clique of girls who roleplay as horses in a pasture near the Creek, and of course many of their behaviours are played as jokes, but ultimately they are accepted and involved in many adventures because of their unique interests and abilities which are ultimately how they aid the rest of the Creek. Every kid is a useful and accepted part of the Creek, with the exception of the ranger scout kids, who are essentially the same as cops, who are often exploitative, rude, and disruptive to the community as a whole.

Ultimately, the show is one of love, friendship, community, and acknowledging differences as a natural and helpful part of life. On top of that, it's not copaganda! What more could you want?

[stargazer-sims]

TLC (2)

previous

Mishka: I'm sorry.

Nikolai: For what? You haven't done anything wrong.

Mishka: I was trying so hard.

Nikolai: To do what?

Mishka: To... to be brave. To be strong for you and Sasha, and to take care of everything around here while you're working. I don't want to be clingy and needy and... and a whole mess that you have to deal with.

Nikolai: You know I don't see you that way.

Mishka: It's how I feel.

Nikolai: I love you, Mikhail. No matter what, I will never see you as a burden or a mess that I have to deal with. I need you to understand that, okay? When I promised in front of all our family and friends that I'd take care of you, I meant that. In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, remember?

Mishka: Yeah.

Nikolai: You don't need to hide stuff to try and prove how brave and strong you are. It doesn't matter if we're talking about your mental illness or just a summer cold, or anything. If you're not feeling good for whatever reason, I want to know so I can help you.

Mishka: Okay.

Nikolai: So, do you think you can tell me what you need?

Mishka: *tearful* I just... I need you to not be mad. Please.

Nikolai: Sweetheart, don't cry. I'm not mad. It's not your fault, and I'm not upset about it. Things like this happen.

Mishka: But it's happening at the worst time.

Nikolai: No, it isn't. It's not like I'm getting the kids ready for a competition or I need to travel or something. I'm here, and I'll take care of you. Everything'll be fine, I promise.

Mishka: What about the ice show? You have to get ready for that.

Nikolai: I think they can get along without me for one day so I can stay home with my husband. We'll have a nice quiet day, just the two of us, and if you're not feeling better after tomorrow, we'll figure out a new plan.

Mishka: Do we really have to send Sasha to stay with your parents?

Nikolai: We don't have to, but I think that'd be best, don't you? If you are coming down with a cold or the flu, we don't want him to catch it.

Mishka: He's never been away from us overnight before. What if he gets scared? What if... what if he thinks we're leaving him there forever and he'll never see us again?

Nikolai: Look at me for a second. Do you really believe Sasha is going to be worried about that, or is it something you'd worry about?

Mishka: *weeping* I'm sorry.

Nikolai: Shh... It's all right. I've got you.

Mishka: I don't want to leave him. I remember how scary that was for me, and how I'd scream when Mama left the house because I thought she was never coming back, like my biological mother did. I... I remember I couldn't stop crying, and I'd always feel sick after.

Nikolai: How far back can you remember that happening?

Mishka: I don't know. Forever. All I know is that I can't do that to Sasha. Please, Kolya? Can't we just keep him here with us? I know I won't be able to cuddle him and kiss him like I usually do, but I want him to know I'm still with him because... because... *crying*

Nikolai: *softly* Deep breaths, sweetheart.

Mishka: *gasping*

Nikolai: Slowly, Mishka. Breathe slowly. You can do it. Just like we practiced. We’re not going to panic. We’re going to…

Mishka: Find our inner calm.

Nikolai: Good. You’re doing good. Keep breathing like that.

Mishka: Don’t let go.

Nikolai: I won't. Not until you tell me you're ready.

Nikolai: Better?

Mishka: A little. You probably think I'm ridiculous.

Nikolai: No, I don't. I think you're scared, and knowing what I know about you, that seems like a pretty logical reaction. But, you know what else I know?

Mishka: What?

Nikolai: I know that despite what you think, you are brave and strong. You've been through a lot, and you've survived all of it, and you never let it take away the best parts of who you are. You should be proud of that.

Mishka: I'm trying, but it's hard.

Nikolai: You'll get there. Some day, you'll see yourself the way I see you. You'll trust yourself and you won't be as scared any more.

Mishka: What am I supposed to do until then?

Nikolai: Take baby steps. Make one little bit of progress at a time, just like you've been doing all along.

Mishka: But, how?

Nikolai: You know how. Push your boundaries a tiny bit at a time. I've seen you do that so many times already, so I know you can.

Mishka: This feels bigger than a baby step.

Nikolai: Maybe, but it's okay to take a bigger step once in a while. What do I always tell you?

Mishka: Taking risks is one of the ways we succeed?

Nikolai: Right. You know, you've taken some super huge steps this year. I don't think you even realize how much progress you've made.

Mishka: Do you think so?

Nikolai: This time last year, you wouldn't even leave the house without me. Now you're going grocery shopping by yourself, and going to your English class and volunteering and taking Sasha to his baby socialization group. You're trying new things and making friends. That's a lot.

Mishka: But I'm still scared. I still worry about... everything.

Nikolai: That's not stopping you from doing things now, though, is it?

Mishka: Not all the time, but... I don't know. I feel like it might stop me from being away from Sasha. I trust your parents, but it's still terrifying, wondering whether he'll understand that it's just for tonight and tomorrow.

Nikolai: Tell me something. When I leave the house, do you ever think I'm not coming back?

Mishka: No.

Nikolai: Why not?

Mishka: Because I know you love me and you'd never leave me, and I trust you.

Nikolai: Do you think Sasha knows you love him?

Mishka: Yes. I tell him every day.

Nikolai: And do you think he trusts you?

Mishka: *nodding*

Nikolai: Then, don't you think he knows you'd never leave him? He can be with his grandma and grandpa without you, just like you're here at home during the day without me, and he'll be waiting for you to come back just like you wait for me.

Mishka: Do you really think he'd be better off with your parents overnight?

Nikolai: I do, but I'll leave the decision up to you. I want you to have a chance to rest and to let me take care of you without either of us having to be concerned about how we're going to manage looking after the baby too, but if you'd rather keep him here, then I'm willing to do my best for both of you.

Mishka: If we let your mother take him, do you think she'd mind if I called her on FaceTime a few times? You know... just so I could see him.

Nikolai: You can ask her, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind that at all. If you're feeling up to it, you could even talk to him and sing the song you always sing to him when you put him down for his naps.

Mishka: She'd know everything she's supposed to do for him, right?

Nikolai: Well, if Natascha and I making it past our childhood is any indication, I'd say yes.

Mishka: All right. I think... I think I'm okay with him going there.

Nikolai: Okay, if you're sure.

Mishka: Call her before I change my mind, please, and can you get me a pencil and some paper so I can make her a list of things to do? Just in case.

Nikolai: I can do that. I'm going to get you a bottle of water and some fever reducers too. You're really hot, and not in a good way.

Mishka: Can you open a window?

Nikolai: It's raining, but I think that'll still be fine.

Mishka: Thanks.

Nikolai: Try to rest. I'm going to call my mother, and then I'll be right back.

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #42 | 6.25.24 ๋࣭⭑

tis the season of Kayn

HAPPY SUMMER!!

Hope you're all doing well and keeping cool <3 I know for me it's started getting to.... the Hot Season. To celebrate the start of Hot Girl Summer (and the beta route going live), I of course had to draw the hottest girl, Kayn.

we must stay cool brothers

Now that we've paid respect to The Hot Girl, let's get into the devlog!

Writing has been fun this month. A lot of it has been dedicated to Etza edits and writing Kuna'a's route. We're getting to about the halfway mark with Etza edits, so we are definitely chugging along!

Sneaky peeky of a recent edit

For Kuna'a's route, I said I wanted to have his first draft complete or almost complete by the next devlog, and I'm VERY PLEASED AND PROUD to say their first draft is In Fact almost complete! This is, of course, the very, very first draft so I'll be going back in to flesh some scenes out here and there and rizz him up even more. But I'm happy with the fact that at least the very base draft is done ^^

This month, I did quite a bit of drawing actually! I finished rendering two of Kayn's CGs, meaning 8 out of their total 9 CGs are finished YYYEEEAAAHHHH!!!!!

it feels so good to see the ending cg titles ouuggHHHH

Because Fenir's beta will be going out soon, I wanted to make some headway on his CGs. This month, I ended up finishing 3 of his CGs and sketching two. I'd really like to get 5-6 of his CGs finished so that it's a similar amount to Kayn's beta, so here's to praying!

baby girl

I also finished Senja's (they/he) sprite and base expressions. His outfit was designed by very talented bestie @saffein-e so please thank them for doing god's work o7

Finally, this past month we worked mostly on Kayn's beta route and getting Fenir's beta route ready for Patreon access!

If you'd like to try out Kayn's beta, you can get access to it if you subscribe to my Patreon (tier Hydra). Beta access to Kayn's route will close as soon as Fenir's beta goes up which will be early July, so if you want to experience Kayn's beta, definitely make sure you subscribe before it ends!

Player feedback for Kayn's route so far has been really positive, which has been a relief, especially since Kayn's route is the first one I wrote so is arguably the roughest (I have a big soft spot for it and like it, but I'm obviously Biased). So I hope you're all looking forward to it!! <4

beta feedback: so real

I also have started the voice acting sessions for the characters, which is EXTREMELY EXCITING!! That's the last asset I need basically, so the fact we have finally entered a stage where we can start recording is crazy. Our current session is for Kayn's route, but in the coming months we'll be moving to the next routes similar to how beta-testing is going :')

Aside from Kayn's route, I've also been working on coding Fenir's beta route. Rereading his script and he's... a cutie, I'll admit. So I hope the Fenir fans are excited for his route to enter the beta phase!

LET'S.......... GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Last thing, but I also ran a poll on Alaris's release, basically asking whether you all would prefer a full or segmented release. The results were basically 50/50 LMFAO and that's the vibe I've been getting in general. So while I don't want to solidify anything yet, just let it be known that Alaris may end up having a segmented release, where the first four Central routes are released first, and the Fae routes a bit later. I'll see how I start feeling as the year goes on and where Alaris stands, but thank you all for the support and understanding for the poll <3

I was pretty busy this month, so I didn't have too much time to do market research :cries:

But............

I did see the new Haikyuu movie..................... And I am the biggest Haikyuu fan. Quite literally if you want to know everything about who I am as a person and creator, watch Haikyuu and you will understand who I am to my deepest depths.

obviously I had to draw baby

But aside from that, I want to give one last shoutout to our Hot Girl Summer cross-promo! If there are any games you haven't tried out in this little set, I highly recommend giving at least 1 or 2 of them a peek! All of the games are so charming and have some similarity to Alaris, whether it's a personality mechanic, hot Fae, or a fantasy/ adventure story :')

Links to each game can be found on the Alaris Game page under the magic and mystery otome section!

I'm pretty happy with the progress we made this month. While there's still a lot to do, it's satisfying to see Alaris come more and more to life with each month. See you all next month with hopefully more exciting progress!

[luvwich]

✒️ writer interview tag

tagged by @dustdeepsea — tysm, this was great fun! read their answers here and mine, if you like, beneath the cut ✨

When did you start writing?

early 2023 was my first foray into writing actual fiction. prior to that i'd done an embarrassing amount of roleplaying many years ago, which i shall speak on no further, but it did form the basis for a lot of my writing now!

once upon a time, i seriously entertained the idea of an MFA in screenwriting, but went on to pursue something even stupider for grad school 👍

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

honestly everything i enjoy reading gets smuggled into my writing in some form or another!

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

there are like 26 different writers where i wish to take bits and pieces of their style, send it all into a meat grinder, and press the gunk into sausage casings to be dipped in batter and deep fried. ideally i want my writing to hit like wagyu beef that's been corrupted into a county fair corn dog. but no i'm not sure i've ever been compared to another writer! that would fuck my shit up truly (in a good way)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

typically curled up on my couch, because the ergonomic status of my home office setup is terrible — potentially lethal. sometimes i stay late at my not-home office, hidden away in a dark conference room, but that's usually only if i'm on a self-imposed deadline (i.e. i've started posting a WIP)

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

the spark that gets me to write is usually some kind of Dynamic that i want to explore so i do a lot of noodling upon situations and then figuring out how to get there. and by situations i mean smut

also, writing bits of dialogue, even if i don't know the context yet. it gets a character's voice and mannerisms in my head, and gives me a little grain to start building on

sadly, going on a hike and/or reading a really good book are both very effective and by far the most time consuming

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

longing, isolation, identity, the difference between the person you'd like to be and the person you are, strained/dysfunctional family relationships, wrong person right time, hope, blowjobs, self-deception, california, fucking your way through it, guilt, social class, mommy issues, mono no aware, oral fingering, etc; they don't surprise me anymore but the first time i finished a long fic and took a step back i was like "ohh haha Damn"

What is your reason for writing?

i am horny, sad n silly

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

all forms of feedback are so touching! i think much of what i write is pretty niche, so simply knowing someone has read my stuff gets me pumped. a big essay of a comment is like receiving a love letter, and comments that are just an emoji are like someone's tucked a little note in my lunchbox, and both are incredibly nourishing to me. as far as motivation, though, anything that implies someone is looking forward to reading more is the surest way to light a fire under my people-pleasing ass

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

affable wretch, trickster, wine aunt

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

i'm not sure any one thing stands out: i believe i'm pretty good in a few areas (dialogue, sensory detail, characterization) and notably lacking in others (action, "plot," pacing, not getting high on my own supply)… okay i'll stop being an asshole though and say my strength is in "delivering on a mood," if that is a thing

How do you feel about your own writing?

generally good. for one, i'm proud of myself for ever finishing and posting anything, because following through on shit isn't something i'm renown for. i tend to hate everything i write after i've gotten some distance from it, but i think that's normal? right? i'm new at it and it's all for fun so i try to be gracious with myself, with mixed success, because beneath my goofy exterior i do take everything too seriously

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

mostly for myself; i do abstractly ask "would someone who isn't me enjoy this?" and never quite know the answer. like most humans i crave external validation and connection, but like a cactus i can survive on just a lil rainfall 🌵

tagging w/no pressure (but with my best barbara walters impression) @corpocyborg @ghostoffuturespast @merge-conflict @streetkid-named-desire @writing-for-soup

[meanbossart]

Some art-advice asks I've been meaning to reply to!

I use Clip Studio Paint Pro, though I'm not sure what tips I could give just in general. Just experiment with new things often, draw as much as your lifestyle allows, watch how other people do their work but try to avoid "Dont do THIS thing ever" type lessons and tutorials. Use as much reference as you'd like and take your time! To this day a simple sketch can still take me several hours to do depending on what it is.

Thank you so much!!! I didn't do any kind of formal art schooling but I've always been inclined towards arts and crafts, and started taking drawing semi seriously when I was about 17 (I'm 27 now). I draw a lot of inspiration from western comics and my favorite artists are jason shawn alexander and sean murphy.

Oh I'm so flattered to hear my stuff's inspired you to take up drawing again, I have a bunch of little crafty hobbies but art is by far the most fulfilling one to me - largely because you're constantly learning and improving.

You're definitely onto something already, I am constantly looking at other people's art (even If it isn't a style I would want to emulate) and analyzing how the pieces come together to create the final product. In my opinion this is pretty much the best way you can go about learning besides real-life reference drawing. You can even take something into your software of choice/print it out and trace it (just to yourself, of course) to get a sense of hand-motion and line use.

As a beginner I think there's no shame at all in taking heavy inspiration from your favorite artists, as long as you aren't straight up copying things and calling them your own. Your personal style Is likely to come out naturally, with time. That's very much how I started myself!

Also, just be patient with yourself, try to have realistic goals for your skill level while simultaneously being proud of everything you do. Even if you absolutely despise a drawing, you still drew something! And even if it doesn't feel that way you most definitely learned from it. Use learning tools and tutorials to whatever point you feel comfortable with but don't get stuck on people's arbitrary rules - unless we're talking about something tangible like real-life application of traditional art tools, things like anatomy, perspective and light are to be referenced from - but It's not the goal to emulate them 100% unless you ARE going for hyperrealism. As someone who uses a ton of reference these days, I can tell you first-hand that I often find myself straying from it on purpose to make a piece look more interesting.

Lastly, draw things you enjoy! Don't let anyone else dictate what you SHOULD be doing and don't fall into the trappings of wanting to stick to one specific style, process, or subject matter.

Good luck!!!

LOL thank you so much for your very evocative compliments! I haven't ever done a timelapse, not that I remember at least. I'm not sure how they work but I do so much of "I'm gonna try this thing 5 different ways and then decide what I like" that I'm not sure how comprehensive that would be LOL

I could put together a process showcase or something though, I feel like that might be better even, since I get to explain a little of what I'm doing through text and display how I use reference. Something to consider!

[punkitt-is-here]

Could I ask about dealing with anxiety when starting to make games? Also I hope your day is going well when you get this

Sure!

I think the most important thing to learn about, as with any new skill or tool or what have you, is that you have to get cool with sucking. I didn't get this far in being a fun gamedev internet person by caring immensely about the perfect quality of what i put out; i was just proud to do it! If I cared about getting everything right the first go around i'd never get ANYTHING done. Underneath all the neat stuff I show online is actually a mountain of things that I would call subpar or even failures, but I don't mind having those at all; they're important steps in the creative process! And I think being bad at something is better than not doing something at all. And I'll say this much: in gamedev, even the tiniest, most insignificant victories feel like GIGANTIC wins when you're dealing with something as fickle and intimidating as gamedev, and those victories are what motivate me. The second you get far enough to have your own lil guy walking around in your own little world is the moment when everything starts to click for me and i go "boy i fucking love gamedev so much". it's tough, but i think when you hold out long enough to start seeing even the tiniest little fruits of your labor you'll see why it's such a rewarding experience.

Secondly, recognize that you're doing this for fun!! If you're going into ANY medium with the goal just to earn money or make the next big hit, I think you're gonna hit a roadblock pretty quickly. Make things because YOU wanna make them, and you'll find the anxiety washes away pretty quickly. Don't make things because it's hot right now to make uhhhh i dunno Among Us Roguelikes with FPS elements or something, do it because you have an idea that sounds fuckin sick and you wanna make it real. It's 100% why i make ANYTHING i make at all.

Additionally, cheat!! Use shortcuts!!! All the gamedev stuff I've shown is actually made off of engines that require little-to-no programming experience (SMBX2 and RPGMaker 2003) and while I eventually want to move on to stuff like Godot, I think it's INCREDIBLY fun and rewarding to work with engines that do a lot of the initial ground work for you. I don't think there's anything wrong with using engines that'll get you quicker to where you wanna be as long as its something you feel like you can get behind. So have fun with it, be ready to be bad (and that's okay!) and take it easy on yourself.

Hope you have a wonderful day! I am :>

[clubwnderland]

⤷⋆⋆ 𝑼𝒑𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆: 𝑰𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒆 ♡

Dear diary,

I thought it was about time to give a little update about everything that's been happening. Positive things since there's been so much frustration going on.

My birthday was something I couldn't have ever imagined. I never thought Chris could out do all the surprises he's done over the years but dressing up and having a high tea party? I truly felt like a Queen in that moment. He looked a little uncomfortable, out of place, but he didn't complain. Even as we ate and enjoyed the view, the food and each other's company, he never said a word about how terribly itchy those pants were.

The cherry blossom tree was definitely something that put the icing on the cake. It truly completed our home. He's been working so hard and while I've always known how good he is with his hands~ seeing the finished product of his hard work... I am proud of him.

The house is nearly all complete, the sun has been shining and we've been spending a lot of time in the little garden room Chris has designed for us. When he's not with Luna or helping the others, I've been finding him napping under the cherry blossom tree and enjoying the afternoon sun.

He looks almost at peace.

Last night, Spartan had gotten up on the furniture, his bed was overtaken by Comet and so he thought that he'd sit where Chris was sitting before having dinner. I had to share take a picture and share it because it was pretty amusing watching Chris tell Spartan to get off and the big pup merely looked at him all confused because he's allowed to sit on the chair~

I do hope one day they'll get along for me~

It's been far too long since I've written my thoughts and memories down. I'll try not to leave it too late next time~

[dark-frosted-heart]

Book of Memories ~ Clavis, Jin, Sariel ~ Part 3

Collection story

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this.

~~ Flashback continues ~~

As night falls, the town is enveloped by a lively atmosphere different from during the day.

As if to blow the fatigue from work away, people happily drank their fill and danced to music at the tavern...

Within such a town of adults, two children wandering about looked out of place.

Clavis: Jin! Look, there's some musicians over there.

Jin: Hold on, if you run too fast you'll end up crashing into people.

Clavis: ! This smell. It smells like the muffins I've had with my mother.

Jin: It definitely smells sweet like a muffine...

Clavis: I thought so! Jin, you got it.

Jin: Seriously...

Clavis dashes through the streets with the zeal befitting a child of his age.

Jin chases after him and pulls him back before he bumps into someone.

To the people passing by, the pair looked like brothers.

Jin: I'm feeling a bit hungry. Wanna get something to eat?

Clavis: I do! Ah, I'm the senior so it'll be my treat!

Jin: Nah, let me treat you. You've already done so much for me. Besides, let me be the big brother once in a while.

Clavis: ...

Jin: Hm, what's wrong?

Clavis: I was just happy to hear that Jin wanted to do something brotherly!

Jin: Ah- I just got caught up in the moment. Sit on that bench while I go get us something.

Clavis: O~kay.

--

Jin: I didn't think you'd actually follow me.

Clavis: Hm?

Clavis, who was munching away at his muffin, tilted his head at Jin's words.

Jin: I meant when I invited you to go out to town when you happened to pass by. Won't your mom or Sariel scold you if either found out you snuck out of the castle?

Clavis: It-It'll be fine as long as we don't get caught.

Jin: You're pretty bad.

Clavis: Am not! I didn't follow you just to enjoy the twon.

Jin: Are you keeping an eye on me as my senior in case I do something weird?

Clavis: That's not true. If I thought you weren't just simply going out, I would've done everything to stop you.

Jin: Then why'd you follow me?

Clavis: So that you can get closer to your brothers.

Jin: Other people think that we're close enough.

Clavis: Do you think so too, Jin?

Jin: Definitely...more than the beginning.

Clavis: I see...That's fine with me! Still, I'd like us to get along and know each other better.

Jin: By how much?

Clavis: Why don't you tell me some stuff. Things that make you happy, annoyed, or sad. All of it.

Jin: ...

Clavis: I came along because I thought it'd be the bets place for us to relax and get to know each other better. Because I think court's still a place that's too nerve-racking for you. A place where you can't stay calm.

His golden eyes which were usually brimming with curiosity now held some seriousness.

Jin: You've really come to accept me as your older brother.

Clavis: Of course. But I'm also your senior too. As your little brother and senior, I'm easier to talk to than anyone else. So you can tell me anything, no matter how trivial it is. I'll be happy if court becomes a comfortable place for you someday, Jin.

Jin: You've grown up to be an amazingly good kid.

Clavis: I'm a good boy! Mother told me so.

Jin: Your mother must be really proud to have a son like you.

Clavis: She told me that too! H-hey, don't mess with my hair! I'll have to tidy it up again!

Jin: Pfft. You look good even when messed up. It's no problem.

Clavis looked up at Jin in annoyance as he fixed his hair, but his eyes instantly narrowed in happiness.

Clavis: I knew getting out of the castle was the right choice.

Jin: Hm?

Clavis: I feel like I've seen a true smie. It's soft and gentle. You should show the real Jin more often, even if it's just in front of Sariel or our brothers. For that reason, I'll keep visiting you as much as I can.

Jin: The real me... If you, my little brother and senior, are going that far for me, then I guess I have no choice. I know I might be lacking as a big brother, but don't turn away from me, okay?

Clavis: I'm a boy with a big heart so I don't mind.

Jin: Thanks...

After giving his little head a gentle pat, Jin stood up from the bench.

Jin: I had good a lot of fun, but I think it's about time we head home.

A rough-looking man: Hey, there's some kids out at this hour.

Jin and Clavis: Huh...?

--

Sariel: You're back late, don't you think?

Jin and Clavis: ...

As if punishment for their bad behavior, the two rann into Sariel after returning from town.

Sariel: Do you have anything to say?

Jin and Clavis: Sorry.

Sariel: At least you're honest with your apology. But that doesn't mean I'll let this go.

Jin and Clavis: Understood...

Sariel: Prince Jin, what's with that scratch on your face? Prince Clavis too, you didn't have that scratch on your arm this morning.

Clavis: I...fell.

Sariel: How?

Clavis: Because I was running from a bad guy that approached us...

Sariel sighed deeply and looked at the two again.

His eyes were wavering with quiet anger.

Sariel: You two are children first, before you're royalty. You know how dangerous it is to go out at night. Even the most familiar of places change once night falls. This is even true for court. Nonchalantly thinking that you'll be fine can lead to danger.

The lecture that echoed throughout the entrance hall placed a heavy weight on their shoulders.

As Clavis' gaze lowers more and more in apology, Jin steps in front to hide him from Sariel.

He smiled as if to smooth things over.

Jin: I asked Clavis to go with me, so don't get mad at him. I'm sorry I put him in danger.

Sariel: Prince Jin, you don't regret it at all, do you?

Jin: Excuse me...?

Sariel: I'm not just concerned for Prince Clavis, but you as well. Actually, I'm glad that Prince Clavis was with you. If you went out by yourself, you would have returned with even more scratches.

Jin: Why do you think that?

Sariel: Because you have this odd sense of confidence that you can do anything yourself.

Jin: ...

Clavis: Sariel...Jin...?

There was a strained tension in the air that wasn't present before.

Clavis looked at the two before getting in between them.

Clavis: S-stop arguing!

Sariel: Thank you for helping me find my words. Prince Clavis, I'm going to have to ask you to stay quiet for a moment.

Jin: I agree with Sariel on this one.

Clavis: B-but if you don't, you'll start fighting!

Jin and Sariel: We won't.

Clavis: Liar!

Jin: Not if this guy doesn't keep pushing me.

Sariel: Unfortunately I won't be backing down.

Clavis: Sariel...?

Sariel: You've never complained, studied hard, took part in social gatherings, but then you suddenly slipped out of the castle. I'm not so uncaring toward you that I'll stop my lecture here. I worry about you as a human being, not as royalty nor as a prince.

Jin: ...

Sariel: Can you at least tell me why?

Next

[pragnificent]

Tagged by @tina-mairin-goldstein! Tagging whoever else wants to play.

1.How many fics do you have on AO3?

78.

2. What's your total word count on AO3?

934,933. Wow, maybe I can break a million this year....

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just HANNIBAL right now (and for like the last seven years or so). Been vaguely thinking about picking up a second but nothing has caught my interest strongly enough.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Attachment - 7,592

The Fisherman and the Beast from the Sea - 4,565

Sashimi - 2,807

Hungry Ghost - 1,585

Identically Different - 1,382 <- This is my best series and yall should give it a shot <3

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to, and I enjoy doing so, but sometimes the brainworms win and I don't get stuff done even when I really want to.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Breathless

I don't love this story, but "Hannibal is effectively braindead after the fall, but Will keeps caring for the body and feels that Hannibal is there with him, up until the body dies and Will turns himself in because there isn't any point anymore" probably counts as the most angsty? If you are in the market for a "Hannibal receives a brain injury and he, along with everyone else around him, has to cope with that" story Tina's For Remembrance (Holes in the Floor of the Mind) is a much better pick. And as I continue to think about it, Means of Influence has a pretty angsty ending.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my stories have slightly bittersweet but still mostly happy endings. Part of the thing about that is I think it's really hard to envision a situation where Will is like 100% Happy Happy, his own mind hates him too much and every little scrap of happiness needs to be fought for and then vigilantly guarded. But I put both him and Hannibal through so much that I always want them to be as close to content as they each can be.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have gotten two flavors of Fic Hate. 1.) People calling the five year old kid OC in ATTACHMENT slurs like "r*tard" and saying "he belongs in jail" and etc.

Every time Hannibal or Will fuck someone who isn't each other at least one person decides to Yell At Me.

I think I've gotten the old "you didn't tag for bottom Hannibal!!" nonsense once or twice too, but who hasn't?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

A little. I actually started Hannishark bc I was really intimidated by sex scenes and wanted to see if I could pull off a short monsterfucker story. I feel like I've gotten better at writing these but am generally more comfortable leaving them sparce on anatomical details and big on feelings/conversations.

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one?

I've got a WRONG TURN crossover series that I'm very proud of here: Bear Mountain Road AU. You don't need to have seen any of the movies to read it, or anything, the movies' premise of "a clan of inbred mountain cannibals waylays travelers" is really just an excuse to put Hannibal (and Will and D, as child members of the cannibal family) In Situations. If I counts as a cross over, I've got a universe swap between the novels and NBC HANNIBAL here: Shiloh

I also have a vague idea for a SAW / HANNIBAL crossover but I've been sitting on that for so long, who knows if it'll ever happen?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not so far as I know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several times.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yep, a couple of times.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Hannigram and Reba/D (guys we need a fuckin ship name).

15. What are your writing strengths?

Character, emotions, dialogue.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Sex scenes, pacing.

17. Thoughts writing dialogue in another language?

Fine by me, tho I only think I've done it one or twice.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

FARSCAPE.

19. Favorite fic you've written?

Identically Different AU !!!! This it the best thing I've ever written and probably the best thing I will ever write.

[wa-royal-tea]

I'm back! Kinda + What I've been up to + Timezone Change, Story Posting Update

Heyyyy thur guys! I’m back, kinda. Sorry it took me a while to update you guys on what I’ve been working on, life has been extra busy since July 31st for me 💀 I won't post a story update yet as I still have things to do but I mightttt return by the end of September.

If you wanna know what I've been up to, read under the cut. Just a warning, it's pretty long 💀

I have an update on what I've been working on irl and it's kind of an exciting news, at least for me lol. So, in case anyone is wondering what I've been up to, I'm actually preparing to further my Masters overseas and this plan has been a wip since last year. I've been studying for my IELTS because the universities I've applied to requires me to take it. And then I had my graduation ceremony for my Bachelor's Degree after waiting for SO long bcs of Covid. It was one of the happiest day in my life bcs I got the Vice Chancellor's award!!! Sorry for the bragging there, I'm just so proud of myself :') I worked my ass off to maintain my CGPA every semester so getting that award really felt like all of that hard work was worth it :')

After all that is done, I applied to the Uni's that I wanted and surprisingly, all the Uni's I applied to gave me an offer which is pretty neat! I accepted one of the offers and then I had to look for a sponsorship.

I kept it a hush-hush kind of thing and only told several of my close friends about what I was planning to do bcs it was something that I wasn't sure that I'll be getting so anytime that I was taking a "break", I was actually working on this in the background (had to attend zoom interviews with the Uni's. Doing the tasks in order to get an interview invite etc.). It was a stressful process but yeah, this is what I've had planned for me when I was younger so I was determined to make it happen no matter what! Your girl is not one to give up easily! 😤

So around June this year, the sponsorship that I've been aiming for opened and I applied for it, got the results that I had been offered a full-ride sponsorship on July 31st and everything became so busy for me because I had to prepare the necessary documents to be sent to the sponsorship board. It was an exhausting process as I had to make sure that everything is prepared perfectly so there wouldn't be any problems and so far, alhamdulillah, everything has been going well. I had my visa done, I secured a place to stay during the duration of my studies, all the documents were sent at the end of last week. But preparing all of these took a toll on my energy and I simply don't have the energy to open my game or even open blender to work on my story. But I have been writing the scripts and all so yeah, the story is still running in the background. I did find some little time to work on poses but I worked on a few before I stopped because I was too tired hahaha.

Anyways, only a few people knew what I was working on while I was on this break. Shoutout to Miss Wheat knee and Gigi for being patient with me replying to their discord messages late everyday 😭 And thank you for giving me your emotional support and encouragement! A huge thank you to both Miss Devilled Eggs and Wheat knee for helping me in my process of applying to the Uni's from helping me brush up my English for my IELTS during one of our previous calls, and for helping me with my Piece to Camera video practice for my Uni interviews. I really, greatly, am thankful to you guys for that. And to Wheat knee, thank you for believing in me when I was overthinking stuff thinking I wouldn't get the offers sfkhskl I really appreciate you for that 😢

And with that, I would like to update you guys that my posting time will be changing as I will be moving to London for my studies. So my timezone will no longer be GMT+8 :') It will be GMT+1 as of September 28th. Aside from that, my postings won't be regular too, I'll be updating whenever I can as I'll probably be busy with my studies and all. So, wish me luck! I'm a bit anxious about this so I hope I'll do well :')

Thank you to all my readers who are still there for me since day 1, you all are the best! And sorry that the story will take a while to be completed, I'll try my best to still work on it bcs I love it too much to just leave it like that 😭

That's all I guess! Thank you again for reading this if you are reading it lol.

Love,

Nina ❤

[sherlockholmes-real]

Kinktober day 5- Against a Wall

Sherlock BBC- Johnlock

Most of the people apart from Lestrade and John disliked Sherlock at Scotland Yard. Which makes sense. He is a bit of an ass. Sherlock likes to really think it doesn't get to him, and most of the time, it doesn't, but he can only get called a freak so many times before it starts to.

He never talks about it with anyone because it's not that serious. And even though John might not be the best at deductions, he can tell when Sherlock makes that slight micro-expression at the words Donovan calls him.

Today was especially berating. He said one thing that pissed her off, and there she went with the string of insults coming at him. Sure, he was a prick at times, but that's just who he is.

"You know that's not true, right?" John asked him, Sherlock looked up front whatever it was he was writing.

"What are you on about, John?" Sherlock said looking annoyed.

John pauses for a moment, "all the stuff Donovan says to you."

He shrugs in response, "I don't care what she says."

John takes a step closer to him, "Yes, you do."

"Are you trying to deduce me, John?" He says a little bit jokingly, looking John in the eyes.

"I'm not trying to deduce you, I am deducing you, and I deduce that it hurts your feelings." John looks slightly proud of himself.

"My feelings are hardly susceptible to change, and they don't get hurt, thats a physical aspect of a person, not a mental." Sherlock says, looking back down at the case file. He seems to be done with this conversation.

John decides to drop it and just bring it back up when they're home later.

~~~

They don't end up at home that night, though. They end up on a probably many hour long case. There was a murder of a lady not much different than what they were used to. Sherlock was doing his thing, pacing around the room. Everyone was quiet. Everyone except Donovan and Anderson muttering to Sherlocks disdain. "Can you shut up?" He snapped at the two of them.

Donovans eyes narrowed in his direction. "If you're so good at this, can't you use your freaky powers while we talk?"

"No, actually, your voice is like nails on a chalkboard to my brain. Quiet." Sherlock sighs placing his fingers to his temples.

She looks over to Lestrade, "If we keep working with weirdos like this, I'm going to scream. Look at him, he's a fucking freak, he's never been smart, he's just lucky." Throwing her hands up in the air when Lestrade and John give her a look essentially saying 'what the fuck' she leaves and Anderson follows.

Sherlock stands there for a moment, eyes wide and upset looking, not usually one to show emotion on his face like that John was concerned, to say the least. He stormed out of the room in an uncharacteristic display of emotion.

"Are you gonna-" Lestrade started to say

"Yeah, yeah, I'll go get him." John sighed and started to walk towards the door Sherlock went through.

"Okay, good, because he likes you more than me, and well, you know." Lestrade was just rambling as John walked away.

He walked through the door and down the hallway. Even though he didn't know this building, he assumed he'd know where Sherlock would go pretty well. He looks around and then opens another door to the outside into an alleyway. There's Sherlock, not crying, not hitting things, just standing there. He's thinking John can tell by the look on his face. "Sherlock?" John walks over to him slowly.

He turns to look at John, his expression softening, "Do you think I'm a freak, John?"

John looks shocked by the question, "Absolutely not, I think you're the most brilliant man I've ever met."

"That's what I assumed, but I'm never quite sure about that." Sherlock smiled slightly.

John takes another step closer, the two closer than they had been in most situations ever, "Don't doubt it, Sherlock, you're perfect."

"I'm far from it." Sherlock sighs, he likes being close to John, the cold air bitter against his face, he's inches from everything he's ever wanted.

"Hardly, you're perfect in your own, Sherlock way." John pauses, his hand reaching up to hold Sherlocks face, "My perfect, Sherlock Holmes."

"John, I-" Sherlock stuttered for probably the first time in his life ever.

"Can I show you just how perfect you are?" John was asking him for permission to do exactly what Sherlock thought he was doing.

He stared at John for a second, "Yes." He blinked, "Please do."

John leaned in slowly for a kiss, and Sherlock reciprocated quickly. He had never really done anything like this, but he knew he wanted to do it with John. Sherlock leaned down more to further intensify the kiss, and John pulled him in closer by the waist. They were flush against each other, the heat evident. The cold is hardly even remeberable now.

John pulls away for just a moment, "You're so perfect, don't forget it."

"It's hard for me to forget things, I mean, logically." Sherlock started to say before John shut him up by kissing him again. John's tongue slipped into Sherlocks, and they were making out. Sherlock had never made out with anyone. He had crushes before but never more than that. He never would have thought John would be doing this to him, and he was just giving in to it. He's really happy its John though, he might not be the best with emotions but he knows he's been in love with John since they day they met and that's what matters to him.

He leaned into it, did it just the way his body told him to, and John, he had experience, but it had never felt like this. So electric and powerful. He pushed Sherlock up against the cold brick of the wall, his knee between Sherlocks leg keeping him pulled down to where he could reach him easily.

Sherlock wasn't sure what to do with his hands really, he settled for one on John's neck and the other on his face, sort of caressing his face. John's hands, though, started to trail down a bit to feel Sherlock through his tight dress trousers. He was already rock hard, and John smiled into the kiss slightly. Sherlock rocked his hips into John's hand involuntarily, and John laughs a little bit. John pulls sway from the kiss, and Sherlock leans into him, wanting more. "So needy Sherlock, how long have you wanted this?" John asks him, rubbing his hand ever so slightly on the others cock.

"A long time," he let's out a small sound of relief, "one year, seven months, and thirteen days to be exact."

"Leave it to you to know the exact day and time. What is that date?" John asks him.

"Mmhm, that's uh," Sherlock moans, "that's the day we met."

"How romantic of you, see look Sherlock, the more you tell me the more perfect you are." John says quietly, and Sherlocks' expression changes almost as if the words turned him on more. He starts to remove Sherlocks trousers, pulling them down to his ankles. He then pulls down Sherlocks underwear, his dick fully erect and begging for attention. He then pulls off his own, and Sherlock watches in pure awe.

"We don't have any lube, so I'm gonna have to use spit. Is that okay, love?" John asks Sherlock, and he nods, face flushed. John prods his fingers into Sherlocks mouth, "Suck." He complies and sucks on the fingers as he was told. Once John decides it's probably good enough, he pulls his fingers from Sherlocks mouth. He uses his other hand to turn the taller man around and push him once again up against the wall.

His finger pushes against the tight ring of muscle. Once his first finger is in and moving with a decent pace, he adds the second. Sherlock pushes himself against John's fingers, wanting him to go deeper into him. John moves his fingers in a scissoring motion, trying to open Sherlock up as much as possible. John then decides that he's loose enough for him to get in there he spits into his hand and lubes up his dick as much as possible.

"Are you ready, Sherlock?" John asks him, his hand rubbing his lower back.

"Yes, just put the damn thing in me." Sherlock whines getting impatient. John complies and pushes his dick in slowly inch by inch. The spit isn't the best lube, but it's not dry, and that's what matters. John finally gets all the way in, and Sherlock starts to rock his hips back and forth.

"God, you're so beautiful, Sherlock, such a perfect man just for me," John pulls his hips back and then pushes back into Sherlock, causing him to whimper, "such a good boy." John says rubbing Sherlocks back while he fucks into him.

Sherlock wiggles slightly his legs obviously getting wobbly, John presses his chest to Sherlocks back, fucking him harder essentially into the hard brick wall. Sherlock lets out a string of curse words and whimpery moans. If nobody heard him, he'd be surprised. He didn't really mind at the moment though, he probably wouldn't care either way, what he cared about was John Watson was fucking him and it felt so damn good.

John as he was edging closer, drug his hand down to feel Sherlocks quivering cock. He jerked off Sherlock at the same pace in which he fucked him. "John, I feel like I'm about to cum."

"Good, that's good, cum for me? Can you cum for me Sherlock." He whispered in his ear his thrusts getting shakier. Sherlock nodded his forehead against the cold wall. "Yes, fuck yes." With those words he came all over the wall, his cum splattering looking like a paint job gone wrong. A few moments after he came John also was cumming, he decided to pull out of Sherlock, mostly because they were still working and he also came on the wall next to him.

Sherlock stayed there, his forehead pressed against the wall for a moment before the cold air hit him, "John." He spoke.

John pulling his pants on, "Yes Sherlock?"

"You did mean it, right?" Sherlock asked. He wasn't the most sexually smart person.

"The sex?" John responded.

"Yeah."

John smiles, lightly placing a kiss onto Sherlocks lips, "Of course I did."

(Sorry, my posts have been so out of wack, I'm gonna get them back on track. I've just been away on vacation.)