#but I am glad people like how it turned out!
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Good riddance to that mess: Thank the Dread Wolf we’re done with the Mage-Templar conflict
(because magic in Thedas is more interesting this way)
Okay the people who love conflict have won and I am going to talk about this now lol
I've decided to stick within the framework of the world/story for this particular post, because I think you could talk about the issues with the mages/templars in connection with how they relate to real-life groups for an entire essay AT LEAST, and I want to focus on magic here, so I don't think it's that germane to the discussion. If you all want to talk about that later, I can put it on the pile.
It turns out that Jenny Nicholson was 100% right about the efficacy of numbered lists on the internet, so this essay will be hybridized into a list. Here are the reasons I'm glad the mage-templar conflict is gone and hope it never returns:
It limits storytelling avenues I understand how they arrived at this dichotomy as the logical extrapolation of a minority of people in Thedas being born with magic BUT it's very boring and it doesn't facilitate interesting stories. If you have this strict system and hierarchy that means that every mage has to live in the tower or they're a) a criminal or b) Dalish, that seriously limits the kind of characters you can make who are mages, which is dull as both a player and a writer.
Trying to make it nuanced is difficult Attempting to show that everyone has a point in a situation is difficult when one group has absolute power over the other and can kill them whenever they feel like it. Also, with the abuses the Templars regularly perpetuate against the mages established in DAO and DA2 any attempted justification reads as the story sanctioning an oppressive force. If they try to demonstrate the danger of magic, they end up with the 10,000 blood mage problem from DA2. It's a hard thing to do within the framework they set up, but they also haven't been particularly successful with it, imo, so abandoning it is a better choice.
It's the most reductive version of the conflict Reducing the entire discussion to whether magic is good or evil, whether mages should be free or confined is really boring. It's a false dichotomy that promotes extremism in characters on either side of the conflict who never interact with one another. "Is magic bad?" is a useless and uninteresting question. Who cares? What does it do?; Where did it come from?; What different ways can you use it? are all better questions.
Makes it difficult for the audience to learn more about magic If the only characters the audience ever meets are people who come from the Circle, Dalish mages, and apostates, the amount they're going to learn about different perspectives on magic and its various uses is limited. Part of the reason Jaws of Hakkon was such an interesting DLC for DAI is because the Avvar have a completely different philosophy about magic and spirits. It was refreshing after several games of having the same ideas about magic shoved down our throats to hear someone give a different perspective and ACTUALLY NEW information. Everything I needed to know about the mage-templar conflict, I already knew by the end of DAO, but I had to sit through two more entire games while people discussed it at length.
Magic in the North is fascinating Now that we're finally rid of that conflict, look how many different kinds of magic we get to see in DATV! We get to meet a Rivaini Seer, a Mortalitasi (who can use magic to TALK TO REAL DEAD PEOPLE!!!), a non-Altus mage from the Tevinter Imperium; we get to see magic as it was utilized by the ancient elves and how it interfaces with technology. We got DWARF MAGIC!! Finally, an answer to what Sandal was doing! We found out you can use it to turn yourself into a LICH!!! All of that stuff is so cool, and we had never encountered it before this game! It brings up so many new questions about the nature of the Fade, the source of magic itself, the strength of magic in Thedas relative to other places in the world. And NONE of it could be discussed in the South because they are too busy arguing about fucking towers!!!
tl;dr: The mage-templar conflict was a boring and reductive lens through which to view magic in the DA universe, I'm glad it's gone, I hope they continue what they started in DATV and explore different ways magic can be used in the future.
#dragon age#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#veilguard#dai#dao#da2#dragon age magic#dragon age templars#dragon age mages#idk what else to tag really#hopefully this take isn't that controversial#I don't really want to argue about it but if you're polite I will discuss
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rings of power (belated reactions) season 1: eps 1-4
Backstory: I'm a casual Tolkien fan, I would say -- grew up watching the animated movies (literally knew the songs by heart as a kid); read LOTR & the Hobbit but not the Silm; loved both the LOTR and the Hobbit movies. Read a bunch of fanfiction over the years by people who know a lot more about the lore than I do.
I tried watching the new series when the first season came out, but still felt like the pacing was really slow by the end of the second episode, so never got around to watching more.
Found out about the twist at the end of s1 and was intrigued, but not quite enough to give it another watch. Heard more bits and bobs about s2 when it came out, with people who share some of the same tastes in media as me enjoying it (shoutout to @markantonys). Liked and reblogged some interesting giftsets. Finally decided to give it another try.
Below contains vague spoilers for the whole show so far and for LotR
I went ahead and rewatched the first two episodes, and I found myself getting a lot more out of it this time than the first time. I remembered liking the dwarves a lot, and still really enjoyed that plotline, but I was able to get into the other plotlines a lot more as well this time. I actually do feel like I get what the pacing is doing now, even if it didn't work as well for me the first time around -- we start with the single thread of Galadriel's search for Sauron and then keep expanding outward from there, introducing the other important plotlines gradually. It was, perhaps, slightly too gradual for me in my first try at watching!
I've seen through episode four now and am thoroughly enjoying the show, enough that I plan to watch more of it with my mom later today.
Things really do pick up with increasing speed after episode 2. We also get some amazing costuming in Númenor -- the queen in particular has some great outfits, but I also really love the banded dress that Galadriel wears there.
My mom (unspoiled about the show) is fully willing to go with the theory that Adar is Sauron going by another name (as proposed by Arondir's (now deceased) guard-captain).
Now, unlike my mom, I am spoiled about the show and so I am watching Halbrand very carefully. One thing that I do find interesting is that the show starts out with Galadriel narrating that nothing begins as evil, so I do feel like that feeling is meant to extend to Halbrand/Sauron as well. Which is to say, I give him the benefit of the doubt that he actually does want to stay in Númenor and start a new life (whether or not he could actually stick to that once he'd spent several years there... that's more of an open question). I don't think his plan at this time is to return to Middle-Earth and set up shop there.
Both Nori and Galadriel have talked about feeling like there is something important about sticking with their mysterious respective stranger. Both of whom are Maiar (Maia? I did mention that I'm mostly a casual fan of Tolkien, lol). They both just give off the vibe of being important and consequential... to specific people. Not to everyone that they run across.
I really like what they're doing with Halbrand -- they are definitely leaning on his superficial (and false) similarities to Aragorn in LotR and, especially when he was in the prison cell, there were some moments when he really looked like Viggo too. I feel like I've already seen a lot of range from him as a character -- we've seen him being persuasive and diplomatic; we've seen a brutal flash of temper and violence; and we've seen him give Galadriel advice on how to manipulate people; we've also seen him teasing and bantering with Galadriel (very much enjoying their dynamic in these episodes).
Speaking of Galadriel, I am enjoying her a lot. She doesn't stop! Willpower and determination just always constantly turned to a thousand. She decides what's going to happen and then doesn't let anything stand in her way.
I'm glad that we got back to Elrond's storyline in the fourth episode and caught up with Durin and the dwarves. I did spend a lot of time trying to remember if Moria and Khazad-dûm were the same place (yes) and so that means that it may well be these unsafe mithril mining practices that lead to the Balrog waking up and the mountain being abandoned by the dwarves. I don't know the timelines well enough to know for sure. It made sense to me that it was the same place, because of the elf word for 'friend' being the word to open the gates into Moria in LotR.
Though I am fairly well spoiled about certain things about Sauron, I am still missing a lot of the connective tissue about the various plotlines, so I don't know what the blood-drinking sword is going to lead to yet. Except that it means that the mayor (tavern owner?) of the village was a true believer in Sauron even after all these years and has been keeping it. And probably encouraging the rest of his people not to trust the elves.
Super-minor note: I love the costuming for Bronwyn -- the blue dress with the reddish boots. It really pops against all the other characters in her storyline and she's always easy to spot. Appreciate that!
There really is a heartbreaking contrast between the lives of the people of Númenor and the people of the Southlands.
What are the Valar trying to do in all this? Was it the Valar who made the petals fall or was Halbrand/Sauron trying to help Galadriel out? He seems to enjoy... how did he put it? Her galloping around full-speed like a colt? Something like that, lol. So he might have wanted to give her a chance to get what she wanted from the queen. Playing multiple sides against each other seems to come pretty naturally to him.
We are seeing that ambition is being set up to lead to doom already in Middle-Earth, even without Sauron's direct presence -- Celebrimbor explicitly wants to create objects of power, not just objects of beauty. Adar is trying to find that blood-drinking hilt and is leading the Orcs to some kind of terror (he's already enslaving people in his search). And the dwarves have been mining in the dangerous old mines because they found a vein of mithril there.
Gil-galad tried to send Galadriel away to Valinor because he foresaw that her continued hunt for Sauron might end up bringing his danger back to the forefront and, from what I know (spoiler-wise) that ends up being true (in fairness, she did find Sauron! Even if she doesn't know it yet! And he will get defeated. You know. Eventually.)
Other things of note: I love Disa! Disa is wonderful. Disa-Durin-Elrond could make for a very nice polycule. What if Elrond had made it to their wedding and there hadn't been any estrangement! But I really like that we saw some consequences for long elven lifespans and how it can affect their relationships with people who don't live as long.
I like the angsty young teens well enough, though Theo is definitely in the roughest situation out of any of them (see: the Southlands kinda sucking as a place to live). Definitely perked up when I heard Elendil and Isildur's names!
I'm really curious about whether or not the isle of Númenor turning against the elves is all based on them being more insular and isolationist or if there's something else at work. That the old king was trying to return to the ancient elven ways because of a vision in a palantir... very curious where that vision is coming from. Galadriel's arrival being tied to the breaking of the sea wall and the destruction of the city. I... don't know my Middle-Earth history enough to say for certain, but I suspect Sauron is gonna be involved in that. Because it's Sauron.
Arondir is our most plainly heroic character overall, I'd say (Galadriel is driven by vengence; Arondir's focus has been on trying to save and protect) and he is very dreamy. I do like that we have these PoVs in the Southlands and what's going on there, so we see that Galadriel is justified in feeling like there is still evil to fight.
Having a lot of fun with this. Glad I gave it a second chance.
#rings of power#rop#the rings of power#lotr#summary: the pacing picks up in the third episode#so if you also stopped after the second because of the pacing#give it another try#butterfly watches
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Wild Life Pearl POV Live Reaction
Ooooo super powers!!
Sick ass guitar riff!
SHE CAN LAUNCH SUPER HIGH IN THE AIR?? I do wonder if she would be taking fall damage. Not that I want to risk it.
Impulse can teleport? CLEO SUMMONS ZOMBIES!! SKIZZ AND MUMBO ARE BACK!!! BDUBS CAN SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT! BIGB GETS CREAKINGS?!?
Invisible Jimmy?
Scott can become random animals!!! Perfect for subterfuge :)
Ghoul 1 and Ghoul 2!
Oh I just realized Pearl can leap super high. And she has a mace. And she doesn’t take fall damage from it! Hell yeah.
Ooo I’m gonna watch Cleo’s pov after this to see what convo with mumbo and Skizz.
Speedy boy Tango! Ooo Etho and Pearl have the same power.
They were slain? And she can bring them back every five minutes? Ah beautiful necromancy. DID CLEO DIRECT THEM TO MAKE FUN OF GRIAN?? AHSIWHWJAKHSJA
Bdubs can slow time? Makes sense for clock boy lol.
So Gem can speak to the dead? NO SHE CAN ASTRAL PROJECT?? SO SHE CAN GO IN SPECTATOR MODE??
Oh we’re friends with Ren now? Beautiful. Just like Last Life.
RIP Scar.
“Gem, I know you’re looking at me” Jeez Louise Pearl. And she breaks her mace right after. A beautiful wet cat move. Those aspiring wet cats can truly learn from her.
Ooo Impulse can swap places with people.
GRIAN CAN BORROW POWERS?? Watcher ass activities. SHE CAN FLY?
Oh does Tango freeze water when he runs on it?
Trap time! And Tanguini is here! Wait that’s how calibrated skulk sensors work?
And another failed trap….. Pearl has failed to kill Gem again… my beautiful pathetic wet cat.
Love their beautiful cane tower now has cherries.
Cleo ordered them to go kill Grian! I somehow doubt this will succeed.
Ren CAN BE OTHER PEOPLES SKIN???
MUMBO GOT THE KILL! W FOR CLEO AND MUMBO IN MY BOOK!
Oooo Scott can choose a mob if he clicks on it!
I am shocked that BigB’s face remains unburnt down.
Ooo Bdubs killed by Scar.
I need fanart of Pearl’s cute hat. HOW DID SHE GET POISONED?
“I did tell you not to fix it. I said don’t bother man” Yes Pearl I know and the way you said it made me go actually insane.
SCOTT ACTUALLY GOT THE KILL ON GEM! GGGG WIN.
Cleo died to a creeper. GGGG loss.
“Hey! My eyes yellow! Can’t be stealing my eyeball”
“This is my skin from last season! You can’t *incomprehensible*!”
“I mean what’s hilarious is you’ve gone for different eyes. So you two have basically just shared contact lenses,”
“This is the eye I lost in the portal that you didn’t remember.”
“Oh sorry. Guess it wasn’t important enough to remember” DAMN PEARL IS GETTING SASSY WITH GEM TODAY LOL
Skizz wants to talk to Impulse privately?
Glad to hear that while Skizz struggles, Mumbo has been a great minion for Cleo. Cleo once again picks a favorite son.
“Minions are to be seen not heard” HAKAHWIANAB Scott I love you
Ooooh wait. That’s why Pearl said cockroaches. Because Skizz and Mumbo can’t die.
And the only thing it killed was Mumbo. GGGG loss.
JUST LISTEN TO PEARL THEY CANT RUN FROM END CRYSTALS!
YEAH THEY GOT REN! GGGG WIN!
Not Pearl pulling out the creeper eggs lol.
Oooo Martyn’s proxy chat is way turned up.
Bdubs on red! BDUBS SHOUTING AND CATCHPHRASE ANS MISSING LOL. Martyn on red! Scott on yellow!
Gem was getting boring because she wouldn’t stop complaining about how Scott and Impulse killed her? And how much better she is than their team? Guess Pearl can stop worrying about seeming obsessed lol. Seems the GGGG live in Gem’s mind rent free.
Oh never mind. The cockroach spoiler was about Tango! And how they keep failing to kill him because he’s so fast! That makes sense!
“They’re trying to get everyone off green and little do they know, you’re technically green as long as you use that, right?”
“Right, yeah,”
“A secret green. Like you got so much potential. I swear like, you better win the series, mate,” Where have I heard this before *flashbacks to Pearl and Bdubs in Secret Life*
“I’m trying Pearl.”
“You have a big advantage.”
“I’m trying but this whole lack of being able to kill people isn’t boding well for us is it?”
“No dude. I can’t believe how much I’m sucking this season. I suck so bad.” It’s okay your pathetic wet cat nature is charming.
“I cannot get a kill to save my life.” Yours too buddy.
Joel got hoppies!
Are we literally all meeting up to kill Tango? No wonder Pearl called him a cockroach.
Aaaaand Gem killed Mumbo.
This is actually super epic for tango. The whole server is failing to kill him!
GGGG has taken down Tango and Joel! Two wins!
Omg Jimmy tried to kill Pearl. Congrats to Jay for a single Pearl and Jimmy interaction where Pearl didn’t even see him. I’m sorry.
Cleo is scared of Gem and Pearl just isn’t lol.
“Oh that’s so weird to see me like that. Is that how annoying I look?” Ur not annoying :( your skin looks really cool.
Tango on red!
Pearl! That’s somehow significantly nastier than calling them eyes.
BYE BYE MARTYN!
Oh no Pearl and Scott :( WAIT HI SCARLET PEARL!!! HI!!! HI!!
She commented on the red hoodie! She noticed their skins match!
Ren joined them? We have… six Gs at this point?
End of session! I see why Martyn was being super cryptic when someone asked how the session went. I think next session will probably be the last given how much of the server is on red, and that’s there’s no greens left to get lives back. Unless you count Impulse, I guess.
My final thoughts on the wild card are that it’s super fun! I love that they all got their own unique power, especially because some of the powers seem to be themed to them specifically like Cleo’s zombies and Bdubs having time manipulation!
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MHA epilogue spoilers 3 2 1
Mandatory internet Disclaimer I love most of the izuocha shippers and every ship has good and bad shippers etc
Second mandatory disclaimer I honestly believe the leaks could potentially be fake! but for the sake of assuming they’re not fake cause we don’t rly know…
I’ve already seen izuocha shippers claiming that the ending isn’t demeaning to any characters and doesn’t unravel their development at all and to this I say: I beg you to learn media literacy. You’re allowed to be happy your ship became canon! But to deny it became canon at the expense of all four of their characters is rich.
Reducing the main female character to just be the love interest in the very final moments of the series (when none of the rest of the series explicitly focused on much romantic love) can only take away from her character, not add to it. Whatever happened to her main arc? Learning to see the good in others and wanting to learn what makes himiko tick whilst letting go of the desires that were holding her back and confining her (aka her crush on deku), only to turn around in the last moments we see her to come crawling back to Deku with toga on the forefront of her mind.
Himiko dying for this woman, learning what it means to be understood and to be loved for who she truly is, only to be reduced to the motivating factor in Ochako’s relationship. Her memory is used to further Ochakos ambition to…go out with a man? We could have spent the final moments of the manga seeing how himiko inspired Ochako to help young kids be understood and gain control of their quirks!! Wasn’t that what she was doing in her honor and memory in the last chapter? Why not focus on that?
Once again, we see strong and competent women reduced to nothing but play pieces for the male characters in their final moments. You can say all you want how Ochako deserves to have a happy romantic relationship, regardless of gender, and she does, but no matter what this will take away from her character. This will be the first thing on peoples mind after finishing the series. The aftertaste left in their mouth. In their final moments, these women are used as romantic options for men. Himiko is not remembered as the martyr of a story about privilege and humanity, but instead as the mournful embodiment of the survivors guilt holding Ochako back.
As for the boys, this 100% reduced their characters as well. Izuku’s hero is Ochako? What did she do for him directly? Of course she’s heroic, but what did she do for him? Her most heroic moment was not when deku was even there to witness, it was a private moment between her and himiko so *why* is she his hero? What happened to all the reasons katsuki is his hero? Is he just chopped liver now? The beautiful parallels and hundreds of chapters set up to revolve around these two and instead in the end we focus on…something else? It’s kinda like how monoma is so prominent during the final battle as well as number ten on the rankings? He’s cool and all but why? Why him out of everyone? The focus is not where it should be.
And Katsuki’s whole motif with the hands and reaching out to Deku, finally being the one to reach out first in the final chapter, only for Deku to take someone else’s hand in the epilogue. Like. Come on. Now we don’t have the full epilogue yet, and rukasu & Ever (via twitter) said that there will be a scene where Baku and deku talk with each other, but going based on the full page leaks we have, is it not wild to u guys that the stories own deuteragonist gets less time in the epilogue than MULTIPLE side characters?? As much as I adore shoto, [he’s one of my top five mha characters (as is uraraka!)], Katsuki comes before both of them in terms of narrative importance. He is our deuteragonist, yet I see less of him in the leaks than monoma 😭
I could go on but like. I’m glad izuocha shippers can be happy, I truly am. But before any of you go around claiming it was a good way to make them canon, take some time to really understand the characters and what this kind of ending is saying about them.
Cause this isn’t the ending they deserve
#bakudeku#bkdk#reluctantly tags this izuocha#I haven’t looked at the izuocha tags am I gonna get flamed guys LMAO#this is called an opinion btw!! everyone please I’m just a guy!! at the end of the day it’s just a show!#okay I’m gonna go hide in my bunker away from the war#izuocha#mha#bnha#my hero academia spoilers#my hero academia#mha leaks
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A Chance Encounter | B. Barnes x Reader
Entangled Fates, Chapter One
A Victorian Era AU
Y/N - your name
Bucky, a young aristocrat, attends a prestigious ball, feeling out of place among the opulence and superficiality. The lace and opulence was far too much for his liking. He wanted to spend more time outdoors in his element rather than holed up inside attending a party.
Y/N, a brilliant but underprivileged scholar, manages to secure an invitation to the ball through a benefactor, hoping to make important connections for your future. This was going to be monumental for your future career and you were very fortunate to be able to attend such a prestigious gathering.
You arrived promptly at 7pm on the dot, dressed in a beautiful maroon and navy dress, that sparkled ever so slightly in the dim light of the building. The ball was being held in a sprawling home on a few acres. It had a tall, pitched roof featuring brickwork and decorative tiled hallways throughout the home. The home also boasted massive ornate fireplaces in every room, a beautiful front porch, and gorgeous stained glass windows. A butler, was there to greet you at the door, ushering you into the grand foyer and over to two massive doors that led into a lavish but cozy ballroom. There were sprawls of people standing in what seemed to be every corner of the room. Mingling amongst each other, while servants catered to the whims of the partygoers.
Amidst the crowd, you locked eyes with a man who had dark chocolate brown hair which was neatly slicked back. He was dressed in a meticulously pressed dark gray suit that accentuated his features. You locked eyes briefly with this man before turning away embarrassment visible on your face. You knew that you didn’t fit in here but you needed to do this for the sake of your future.
You went to go and grab a place of pastries and a cup of tea to keep your mind occupied. “I don’t need to get involved in whatever this man does. He may be strikingly good looking but I can’t get involved.” You think, as you wander off to a nearby table, the plate in your hands filled to the brim with the delicious treats. You noticed that this man kept his eyes on you the entire time. He began to make his way over to you. “Ahem.” The man says, as you swallow a bite of one of the pastries. “I wanted to introduce myself. I haven’t seen you around before. My name is James Buchanan Barnes. But you can call me Bucky.” He says, with a huge grin. His hand was extended to shake hands with yours. You reach over the table and shake his hand with a smile. “Pleasure to meet you, Bucky.” You say, as you shake his hand warmly.
“How are you enjoying everything?” Bucky asks, his hands now clasped in his lap as he watches you intently. “It’s been very nice to be invited here. I never thought I would ever be able to attend an event such as this.” You say, with a wistful sigh. “This is honestly a dream come true. I am but a simple scholar and I have dreamed of a moment such as this.” You say, as you drink a sip of tea that was swiftly brought to you by one of the many attentive servants. “I’m very glad to hear that, y/n.” Bucky says, as he takes a sip of tea as well. His brown eyes twinkling in the low light. He was contemplating whether or not to tell you why he was there before clearing his throat softly.
“How about we step outside to continue our conversation? I’m quite enjoying myself here with you. And I’d love to get to know you better.” Bucky smiled, as he finished his cup of tea before standing up and extending his arm out towards yours. Nodding, you link arms with Bucky’s and make your way outside, into the cold London air. Bucky leads you out into the porch and you sit next to him on one of the benches outside. The dim oil lamps faintly lighting up the space between you.
Over the next couple of hours, Bucky shares with you his thoughts about what’s going on with society, his dreams about the future, and business opportunities that he has awaiting him. You mention that your benefactor has secured the invitation for the ball tonight as well as helped you become the scholar that you are today. Without them, you confessed, you would be in a far worse situation.
As the evening draws to a close, Bucky makes a promise to meet again, with you, at a later date. He takes down your address and with a kiss to your hand, and once more to your cheek, promises to write to you soon. Before disappearing back inside to the swarms of partygoers.
You were eager to meetup with Bucky again however that meeting would occur. James Buchanan Barnes has captivated you in ways that you never imagined. And you were awaiting that moment with anticipation.
Little did you know, that Bucky went home that night happier and hopeful, than he’s ever been.
#lilmarshie#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes imagines#bucky barnes#bucky x y/n#marvel fic#bucky x you#bucky x reader#bucky fanfic#bucky barnes fanfiction#marvel imagines#marvel fanfiction
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blue hour
lee jihoon x reader (gender neutral)
it's the end of the year and jihoon is tired. but not too tired for a meet cute.
content warning: swear words concentrated in just one part
note: this just came out while i was listening to my secular christmas playlist (you gotta separate the two iykyk) !! and i am craving a cold winter!! and i finally lonely and marginalised!! honestly no clue what this is!!
divider by tumblr user enchanthings
jihoon always felt the end of year wash over him. the weeks before his birthday blurred into one another; usually, it was his members reminding him he was turning a year older on the day of. before he knew it, christmas lights shone on enamoured couples in the busy streets of the city and the new year rang in somewhere in the middle of award shows and booked appearances. in between events, he slept a dreamless sleep. the year behind him had him spent by november 1st, and nothing inspired him in this season of full-speed running on empty. the enduring snow looked less like magic and more like future mud, the bite of the cold on his skin felt like a vengeful nudge instead of a vigorous pat.
yet this year, somehow, thankfully, he found himself walking among merry strangers on a weekday evening with nothing to do. first excited at the thought of free time spent fidgeting with an abandoned composition, the lack of inspiration hit so hard that he felt there was nothing to do but go out. he needed to see life happen to other people, to make sure time was indeed passing by and that it was possible to feel anything positive, anything other than massive indifference for the winter’s happy occasions.
early december had swept in with windy elegance and jihoon was glad he could justify bundling up to the extreme of someone seeking anonymity and needing to hide much of themselves to get it. he debated bringing his phone along, but imagined himself caught in a mob of invasive fans with no escape in sight nor hand and supposed he could switch on do not disturb and reach for it if need be. surely his coworkers were enjoying their day off with loved ones, sparing no thought to jihoon, imagining him locked away in the studio, and would not disturb him.
it is strange how perception works. jihoon had no desire for a coffee, but something in the window of the small café caught his attention and before he realised he was ordering an americano and a waffle. the barista looked beyond saving, surely working overtime or fighting off a cold, and jihoon felt selfishly comforted by the interaction. that, and his shoulders dropped with ease at the thought of the worker too far gone to recognise him if they even had the faintest idea who he was.
snow started falling in slow, fluffy flakes just as he sat at the table facing the big window which had mysteriously convinced him to walk in. taking off his face mask, a sigh escaped his mouth. was it just exhaustion at the busy season, the accumulation of the busiest year of his career, or was there something else tugging on his heart strings? was the loneliness a consequence of all the couples walking down the street, the newly introduced partners among the members? the thought felt new, but it was loud, like it was trying to get jihoon’s attention with an urgency he had never experienced before. a sudden weight crushed his chest, the burden of a deep love that had nowhere to go. surely the closest feeling to this must be grief, he thought, mindlessly swirling his coffee around the cup with a spoon. maybe i’m grieving the life i am sacrificing for my career, he thought.
just then, a small, dark, shiny object flew towards him and landed on his waffle. a gasp and a curse turned his attention away from what turned out to be the broken lead of a mechanical pencil. jihoon’s eyes zeroed in on the yellow and blue pencil, noticing the fingers tightly holding onto it. his eyes traveled up an arm, covered in a loosely knit jumper, along the curve of a tense shoulder, then met your anxious look. "i am so sorry! holy shit, fuck, i should not be swearing at strangers! can i buy you a replacement waffle? fucking hell, what is it with this pencil?! shit, no swearing!"
jihoon’s heartbeat picked up its rhythm. your face was bright red with embarrassment, knuckles white around the mechanical pencil. in front of you a notebook was filled with messy sketches of the view he had just been gazing at through the window. he recognised his penciled self as he must have looked mere moments ago, suddenly enraptured by the café, magically convinced a coffee was just what he needed. maybe it was you who lured him in, without even realising he was seeing you. he had gone out looking for the sort of calm and loneliness you only get in crowded places. he was desperate for some peace and quiet-
"how long have you been drawing?" he was surprised his voice did not betray the shock at hearing himself start a conversation with a complete stranger who had just rendered his untouched waffle unedible. maybe the fact that you were engrossed in your activity, alone in the same coffee shop, perhaps looking for the same serenity that had brought him here in the first place, gave him the illusion of a connection already established by your common circumstances.
"clearly not long enough, are you seeing this? i still can't draw a straight line... but i guess the struggle to get just one good drawing is what i like the best about it. is it masochistic? or sadistic? wouldn't it be both if you like hurting yourself in this way? i like struggling to do something right. clearly i like struggling to make a good first impression by contaminating food with pencil lead...."
jihoon let out a giggle. a giggle. exhausted, fresh out of inspiration, almost disgusted by the stuffy odour of his studio, happy to take some time away from his best friends and coworkers, this observant, talkative stranger was right up his alley. yeah, he could keep that conversation going, easily. maybe it wasn't coffee or his subconscious that brought him here, to this street, this café, this table, at this hour. "i can relate to that," he said with furrowed brows faking deep thought, as if he didn't know exactly how much this applied to his stubborn practices. "and where else in life do you like to suffer?" you laughed hard enough to throw your head back and your hands to your stomach. maybe it was fate, he thought as he propped up his elbow on the table, his head leaning into his hand, a smile stretching the corners of his lips.
#woozi x reader#woozi fluff#woozi scenarios#lee jihoon x reader#seventeen x reader#woozi fanfic#lee jihoon fluff
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Homestuck Is For Cat People
(page 928-941)
KITTEN UPDATE: Rose has picked up the kitten and is cradling it so gently.
The big development here is another APPEARIFIER, this one green (on theme with the lab) and perhaps a different model as it has this arcade cabinet setup instead of the big flat Playstation Portable that WV had (p.738). A coin-operated appearifier is a fun thought and I’m glad the idea was planted in the story, even if it didn’t come to pass.
This appearifier can be adjusted in time, but has been specifically locked onto Rose’s childhood cat Jaspers, who is apparently a Very Important Cat – there’s a special catlock symbol on the bottom of page 929. The funniest reveal is that Jaspers was always wearing a suit, and was fitted with a new one for the funeral, but not his first one.
And then we zoom out and see BABY ROSE. So small. Giant wet anime eyes way too big for her face. This is from Thursday September 7, 2000, and Rose was born in the winter of 95/96, so she’s 4 close to turning 5, and she is already a therapist and (according to unreliable present Rose) may have written the phrase ‘characteristically recalcitrant’ in a notepad.
Rose’s immediate instinct upon seeing this is to cause a time paradox. As though she doesn’t have enough problems already.
KITTEN UPDATE: The kitten is clinging to the trailing end of Rose’s scarf.
Rose creates a slime-cat just as WV creates a slime-pumpkin (p.752), and then we get a MASSIVE lore bombshell. This appearifier is connected to a slime chamber/DNA sequencer, automatically sucking up the paradox slime which contains the DNA of whatever was/wasn’t appearified. (I can confirm from Real Life that molecular biology sometimes involves slime).
If it’s working, the machine then creates a PARADOX CLONE; an actual, living, non-slime embryo of the creature which can most likely grow like any other creature of its species. This one isn’t quite working; the kitten nibbling the scarf is actually a very close copy but the two-headed version in a jar is a step backwards. These are, apparently, ‘unsuccessful attempts to perfect the science of ECTOBIOLOGY.’
‘Ectobiology’ is written in green in the narrative so we know it’s important. And it is a very green and slimy word. Maybe a word that could describe a kid wearing a green slime ghost shirt. John is (or wants to be) someone who clones creatures through appearification, sequencing, and synthesis. It’s… weirdly analogous to how alchemy works in Sburb. Appearifying the slime = dispensing the cruxite, a raw material to work on. Sequencing the DNA = carving the totem, encoding the specific data. And synthesizing a clone = alchemizing an object, creating something physical out of digital data. It actually seems really easy, and like it doesn’t require any actual biology knowledge. But how does John know about this science when we’ve never seen it mentioned outside this ominous underground lab? And does John have plans with this? Specific clones he’d like to create??
Jaspers ‘tells Rose a secret’ and again I am wondering if we are supposed to take this literally, if cat speech is possible via Skaia’s will or if this is a weird false memory of Rose’s. And then he’s appearified away, by someone who isn’t Rose at some point in the past/future. For exactly two weeks his location is hidden by static; then he returns battered, and then we get the Jaspers-centric animated page, something I wasn’t expecting for today but am thrilled to have.
KITTEN UPDATE: The kitten is blinking all four eyes in sequence, like a crowd doing the wave.
A funeral dirge filled with purrs and meows plays as we see Jaspers’ extravagant funeral (complete with Mom’s martini glass and what looks like a funeral lab coat?), time in the mausoleum, and journey to the lab and transportalization today to somewhere with a gray square-patterned carpet. I don’t think we’ve seen this specific carpet before, but we have seen some geometric gray carpets in Jade’s house (for example, p.914). This is intercut with moments of the new mutant kitten chewing on Rose’s scarf, rolling around, and being generally adorable. Surely Rose is falling in love with this kitten as much as I am.
Rose appearifies Jaspers back and with ‘all this sorted out’ (p.940) grabs both cats and transportalizes away to who knows where. I do not feel like anything is sorted out. I actually have nothing but questions. But I’m glad Rose is feeling good.
Thinking through all this. Someone – presumably Rose’s mom – has been trying and failing to specifically recreate Jaspers. We know that resurrecting Jaspers via Sburb is a big goal of Rose’s, even if she’s reluctant to admit it, so that’s a big parallel between these two characters who have a lot of distance and hostility. Rose was so young when Jaspers disappeared that losing him must have been a formative memory. Jaspers was likely Mom’s cat from before Rose was born; her cat plushies suggest she’s a cat lover in general. She might have been working on getting Jaspers back ever since the moment he disappeared. The question is, does she want him back for herself or for Rose?
It's also possible that this setup has been here even longer, and that Mom herself appearified Jaspers from Rose’s therapist couch that day. Maybe accidentally, and it had bad effects, and she’s been trying to create a new Jaspers ever since as an apology (a real Dr Frankenstein way to approach interpersonal relationships but GREAT characterization) or maybe on purpose for some more nefarious/experimental reasons, considering the ‘no accessible feed’ during the time between his disappearing from Rose’s side and reappearing at the river.
KITTEN UPDATE: The kitten has been PRETTY DECENTLY ESCAPALIZED along with Rose!
> Rose: Check for additional cats in your new surroundings.
#homestuck#reaction#i got a 100% on my first big school assignment!!!!#which counts 15% of my grade for the whole year!!!!#i literally didnt believe it when i saw the number i was like 'that cant be real'#only bad thing is i didnt get given any areas for improvement. which would have helped. but im not gonna complain abt this lmao#just glad im on track and able to handle the material :D#chrono
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The Snowman dance
Eddie Diaz x Evan Buckley
Summary: Eddie recruits Buck to help chaperone Christopher's winter dance. At the dance, Chris asks Buck to help him ask his classmate to dance. It all leads to the two firefighters sharing a slow dance with whispered confessions and hallway kisses.
WC: 2.5k
A/N: My sister and my coworker finally got me to watch 9-1-1 and I'm obsessed with this show. I hope you enjoy my first fic in the Buddie fandom ♡
In my head, they're dancing to The Christmas Waltz by Laufey
Eddie Diaz pulled his aviators from the front of his shirt as he opened the front door to Christopher’s school. He slid them up the bridge of his nose until they rested comfortably at the top and the Los Angeles sun was no longer bothering him. He grumbled about having to park his beloved truck in the back of the busy school parking lot. It was early on a Tuesday morning in December, and he thought he would have been in the second row.
“Mr. Diaz!” A high pitched voice called from behind, but the firefighter was too lost in his thoughts of potential scratches to the shiny black paint.
“Mr. Diaz!”
After three more times, a hand touched his strong bicep. The man whipped around and put on a million-wat smile for Mrs. Romero, the older administrator of his son's school. She was a kind woman with graying brown ringlet curls and flowy earth-toned robes that reminded him of an eccentric theater teacher Chris had at summer camp once.
“I am so sorry,” he laughed out an apology, her chunky costume jewelry clinking together, “I was in a world of my own.”
The woman laughed in return and patted his arm, “I’m so glad I caught you.” She had a twinkle in her eye like she was about to ask him for a favor. He recognized it as the same look his abuela gives him whenever she needs help around her home.
“How can I help?” he gave in, just like he would for his abuela.
“Well as you know, The Snowman Dance is this Friday and I’m down two chaperones” Mrs. Romero explained, holding up two well-manicured fingers to further make her point. “Would you mind?”
Eddie bit the inside of his cheek and put his hands on his hips, staring at her crimson red nails. He could already hear the 118 making jokes about high school dances and Chris telling him how uncool he was for babysitting him and not letting him grow up. But nothing could compare to the cold stare of a woman with a plan and no highway option. “I’ll, uh, be there. I have an early shift, it should work out.”
She clasped her hands with glee, red painted lips smiling brightly, “You are a Godsend, Eddie!” She tapped his arm again and started to walk back towards the school. “Oh! Oh!” she chirped, turning around before Eddie could walk a few more feet. “Would you also ask that other strapping young man, oh, what was his name?” Another manicured finger went up, “Oh! Evan! We all just love him.”
They wanted Buck to help chaperone too? Out of all the people he knew and who had come to pick Christopher up in the past, they asked for Buck. It was probably the charming smile that could woo any of the PTA moms, or maybe how his muscles filled out the shirts he wore at pick up, or the way he was with children. Eddie smiled fondly to himself, fighting off a blush “I’ll ask him!” he called out, earning himself more points with her.
Buck was cackling to himself later that night, nearly falling off Eddie’s couch as he crumpled the dance flyer. “They want me?” Buck asked for the third time, this time he was trying to catch his breath. The first had been disbelief, the second was shock that Mrs. Romero didn’t ask him herself the day before.
“Don’t let it go to your head,” Eddie intoned, bringing the amber bottle to his lips.
“Too late, Diaz,” The blond smirked. He looked down at the flyer again, blue eyes connecting with the generic clip-art snowman in the bottom corner. Chris had already loudly expressed that he wanted Buck at the dance, it was now up to Eddie and what he wanted. “Do you want me to help out?”
A silence lingered in the living room, Buck cautiously searched for any answers in Eddie’s body language. The brunet shifted in his seat, leaning forward to put his bottle on the coaster on the table that divided them. A million thoughts began to run through his head, what if he was crossing a line? What if Eddie didn’t want anyone questioning their relationship? A sadness suddenly hit him, was chaperoning a dance too much and were they getting too close?
“Yeah,” Eddie finally said casually, “It’ll be fun.”
And to Buck’s surprise, it was fun even if he had to hear “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town” ten times. He mingled with the moms of the PTA, avoided their advances as if it were a superpower, and stopped three kids from spiking the punch bowl. He was now the proud owner of three silver flasks.
He finally got time to breathe halfway through the event, sitting on the cold metal bleachers and taking in the tacky silver winter decorations that covered the gymnasium. Not too bad for a bunch of teenagers, he thought as he unbuttoned his maroon velvet coat jacket and leaned backward, clothed elbows resting on the bench behind him. His eyes followed a string of twinkling lights, leading him straight to Eddie who was talking to a few boys he recognized from Christopher’s class.
He looked so relaxed, laughing at their childish jokes. All he wanted was to be close to him, to—
“Buck,” Christopher whined as he plopped down on the bench below him, his limbs splayed in defeat. Buck’s thoughts were interrupted by the teen's annoyed groaning.
“What’s up, buddy?” Buck sat up and tapped his shoulder with the back of his hand.
Chris shifted in his seat and looked up at him, “They’re going to play a slow song soon,” he sighed.
Buck narrowed his eyes and cocked his head, “What’s the problem with that?”
“Carly,” Chis said sadly, pointing to a girl with chestnut-colored hair and a puffy pink dress, giggling with her friends near the punch bowl.
The older man's lips parted in realization, he wanted to ask a girl to slow dance with him. “Well,” Buck coughed, “Go ask her to dance.”
Chris rolled his eyes. “I don’t know how.”
Buck sighed and rubbed his forehead, “Well, all you gotta do is walk up to her and ask her if she would like to dance…and you dance.” Way to play it cool Buckley.
Chris thought about it for a moment, “Can you show me how to ask?”
“Like me ask someone?”
“Exactly!” the boy cheered.
Buck chuckled nervously, “I don't know, man, I don’t know anyone here.”
The teen scanned the room, his eyes falling onto his father, “You could ask my dad.”
A flush of pink dusted Buck’s cheeks, the palms of his hand suddenly becoming sweaty. “Chris,” he sighed.
Chris’s features softened, his body slumping, becoming resigned to the situation. “Ok,” he muttered sadly.
Buck was a proud man and most of the time he had an iron will, but when it came to Chris? Buck would do anything to see that boy smile. That boy's happiness mattered more than asking his crush to dance. His hand landed on his shoulder, “Alright,” he said, and Chris sprung back to life, “follow my lead.”
The two crossed the floor, Chris copying Buck’s confident posture, eyes looking towards the punch bowl. Chris gasped as the slow song started. He couldn’t miss his chance! Buck walked in front of Eddie and turned on the Buckley charm, a confident smirk adorned his lips as he stared directly into Eddie’s warm brown eyes, pushing his feelings aside.
“Eddie, would you like to dance with me?” Buck asked confidently, outstretching his hand. Eddie looked confused until Buck nudged his head towards Chris who was anxiously standing in front of Carly, side-eyeing Buck to see what he was supposed to do next.
“Oh,” Eddie chuckled, “I’d love to dance, Buck.” Eddie put his hand into Buck’s and watched Chris and Carly walk to the brightly lit dance floor.
The feelings he managed to suppress crashed into him the moment Edde slid his damn hand into Buck’s palm. His vision was blurry and his heart was aggressively leaping into his chest. It was almost like whiplash, he first saw Mrs. Romero’s gentle smile of approval and the next thing he saw was the back of Eddie’s head as he led him to the edge of the dance floor.
For Eddie, he was as calm as could be. He softly smiled as the two men stood staring at each other, waiting for someone to take the lead. The brunet snorted, he placed one hand on Buck’s velvet-clad waist and lifted the other higher. The problem was that they were still standing a mile away. Eddie glanced over the other's shoulders and watched his son timidly dance slowly with his classmate. Her soft smile as they shifted side to side made his fatherly heart happy, a sudden relief washed over him knowing Christopher was ok.
His eyes shifted to Buck, who was still watching Chris. That relief didn't last long—since when were they standing a mile apart? Why were his hands suddenly on fire? A breath hitched in his throat, now that Chris didn’t need him, Eddie was left alone with the consequences of his feelings. “Hey uh, Buck,” he began, his voice shaking, “Chris is good. We don’t gotta—”
“No- no, we gotta follow through—for him, just in case he’s watching or something,” Buck played it mildly cool, his head snapping back to look at his friend. Shit, Eddie cursed in his head, his jaw clenching tightly.
Follow through.
For Christopher—for himself.
Eddie took that step forward, closing the space between them. Buck’s blue eyes came closer into view. Were they always this beautiful up close? “We should dance,” Eddie whispered, his eyes trained on the slightly taller man.
Buck swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded nervously, “We should,” he agreed. Left, right, left, right. That’s all he had to do, just move your damn feet Diaz. By some grace of God, Eddie and Buck finally started moving along to the slow jazzy Christmas song. Buck’s grip on his shoulder tightened and he stepped even closer, their breaths almost being able to mix.
And suddenly, the world had faded around them. Eddie no longer smelled the stale gym air or overly fragrant teen boy body spray, all he could smell was the expensive cologne the blond was wearing. It took every ounce of strength not to bury his nose in the side of Buck’s neck. They had danced together before, at Hen and Karen's wedding, and many of Athena and Bobby’s parties, but it was never like this; sober and completely exposed. There were no threats of a fire alarm, their friends interjecting, or any alcohol (hopefully the confiscated flasks in Buck’s pockets continue to go unnoticed). It was just Buck standing in Eddie’s proximity.
They stayed silent and the song played, just swaying side to side and avoiding each other's nervous gaze. Maybe fate stepped in because when their eyes finally locked onto one another, they couldn’t look away even if they tried—and they tried. Eddie watched how the silver lights that hung around the room reflected in Buck’s eyes like twinkling stars, they were almost glowing. The glowing squares of light off the mirrorball danced along Buck’s features, tracing his sharp jawline and taunting Eddie by moving over the curves of Buck’s lips. He knew Buck was an attractive person, everyone knew that. But in this light and this level of closeness, he was the most beautiful person Eduardo Diaz had ever seen.
Then it hit him. The pounding in his chest was only getting worse as they danced, his desire to kiss the man in front of him only grew stronger. This was so much more than a crush, Eddie had fallen in love.
“Eddie, are you ok?” Buck asks suddenly, pulling his friend out of his nervous trance.
No, he wasn't ok, his brain had been swirling since he agreed to a dance. Eddie pulled away, taking a step back. Before he could register the new look of disappointment that appeared on Buck’s features, he held out his hand for him. “We should take this somewhere else,” Eddie managed, his voice barely above a whisper.
Buck cautiously took Eddie’s hand, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion as the taller man led them outside the gym doors. “They’ll never hire us as chaperones again,” Buck joked lightly as he watched the door click shut, the slow song becoming muffled in his ears. His attention returned to Eddie once he felt his thumb gently swipe along his knuckles.
“They can survive a bridge and chorus without us,” Eddie joked back, pulling Buck closer. This time, Eddie placed his arms around Buck’s neck, and Buck instinctively put his hands on Eddie’s waist. The taller man felt dizzy again, clutching Eddie’s waist to keep him upright, somehow they were closer than before. Their foreheads were mere inches apart, noses almost grazing as they swayed.
“Why’d you bring us out into the hall?”
So a bunch of fourteen-year-olds wouldn’t see me kiss you for the first time.
“I needed,” he breathed, his hands unclasping and delicately moved to the sides of Buck’s neck. Buck felt like he was burning, a wildfire igniting on every patch of skin Eddie’s fingers slowly moved along. “I needed-”
“Eddie,” Buck gulped, his forehead finally finding purchase on the other. His pulse thumped under the pads of Eddie’s calloused fingers, then his palms gently covered that area as he cupped his face.
“I needed to be alone with you,” Eddie whispered, noses brushing as he got closer. Buck was the one to close the gap as his blue eyes fluttered closed, pressing his lips to Eddie’s softly—cautiously. Buck pressed closer, their lips moving in perfect harmony.
His heartbeat finally returned to normal the second Eddie pulled away slightly to catch his breath. “Eddie, I-”
“-I love you.”
So much for a regular heartbeat.
“You love me?” Buck shook his head, making sure he wasn’t hearing things.
“I’m very much in love with you, kinda always have been.”
Buck kissed him quickly before pulling him into a hug, “I love you too,” Buck whispered in his ear.
The two stood there for a while, a whole song had passed as they whispered sweet nothings and swapped jokes about them taking too long and how they kissed at a high school dance. Buck finally pulled away, telling Eddie that they should probably check on Chris and the others. Eddie couldn’t help but laugh when Buck mentioned they needed to keep the kid's arms length apart from each other.
They peered into the window, scanning the glossy gym floor until they saw Christopher happily dancing with his friends. Buck reached for Eddie’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“Come on before the PTA comes for us,” Buck chuckled, kissing the back of Eddie’s hand.
Eddie shrugged and pushed open the door, “I’m sure they didn’t miss us, and thank you,” he spoke fondly, “for asking me to dance.”
Buck grinned, “Thank Chris, it was his idea, but you’re welcome.”
Eddie looked over at his son, then back at Buck. A smile broke out on his lips, the warmth of Buck’s hand very present on his own. What a beautiful little family they made.
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I had a blast doing part of the cover for the Mirror image zine for the @d20zinejam! ✨ Check out this, and many many more zines, in the full charity bundle!
#james art times#artists on tumblr#d20 zine jam#mice and murder#shoutout to august for continuing to save my ass when it comes to drawing animals 🙏 bless#did I slightly phone it in and go the easy route by doing a leyendecker for this? mayhaps#but I am glad people like how it turned out!
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the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)
after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)
the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol
lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him
#I am worried about him all the time. but also: his found family of godslaying maniacs and also the power of love. there are reasons to hope#when there was only one set of footprints in the sand that was the veilguard party holding lucanis in their arms#and going 'excuse you he said no FUCKING pickles!!!' while he's like '🥺should you guys really be -- ' 'YES'#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#there's some messiness to his arc but what mary kirby managed to capture here about how this works. is everything to me#he is so exactly for me. I'm sorry for all the people he turned out not to be for. but not for him being for me#the gift of looking at him and hearing 'you're more than what you're going through' and be forced to annoyedly go 'okay#MAYBE that could be also be true for me. maybe.' he's going through it. and also so much more and the funniest person in the world#he's so worth it to still have in the world!!!!#I'm so glad we don't get to 'fix' his relationship with his family and especially caterina actually#that is stuff that would need to happen on a time scale waaay outside of the one in this game#and there's Something very real in having to go 'this is not for me to decide for you. who you love and what you do about it is yours'
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She likes to be tall
#Goldie being the ultimate wing man#(he owes her one)#kicks my lil paws like i’m at a sleepover#I am being self indulgent again pardon me#really happy with how this turned out#I know people like Tall Ahsoka but I hope y’all see my 5’5’’ vision#the 5’5’’ vagabond wizard and her 6’ tsundere warlord gf#coyote scribbles#sad girl saga au#bosoka#ahsokatan#ahsoka tano#bo katan kryze#tcw goldie#R3 S6#star wars#star wars fanart#sw clone wars#sw tcw#the mandalorian#I haven’t drawn two characters kissing in like 5 years I was never confident enough in my skills to draw it#I’m glad i got the courage to finally just do it
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I am already a big enjoyer of Friede and Amethio's rivalry and dynamics in general, so if Crave turns out to be Amethio's father, I feel like this knowledge would reframe their rivalry in very interesting ways and give additional readings and perspectives..
#something something about amethio rejecting his father and friede stepping in to be the positive male figure in his life at that point#Not saying friede takes on that role (dad) because i don't interpret him that way at all#however he is very much meant to be someone amethio takes inspiration from#most adults in amethio's life aren't inspirational i think so friede is probably the first person he met who is free and independent etc#i need to be moderately invested in that theory so i'm not disappointed if it doesn't turn out to be true lol#but i think it adds a lot to the narrative.. amethio and liko's parallels etc and even friede's character!#the thought that he is giving back to the younger generation after being nurtured by teachers and mentors#oh friede the man that you are. the coolest guy ever that you are.. luv you#horizons tends to be very intentional about its writing.. the mentor character (friede) has been helped by Very Specific People#and feels indebted to them. before his rvt era. those people are liko's mother (lucca) and roy's grandfather. and director crave.#hmm. i wonder what that means!#(not saying friede isn't helped by the rvt. but they act as equals. lucca was a hiearchical superior as a teacher etc.)#also. on a personal level. i think it's funny if friede knew amethio's dad before meeting him#crave going like 'i'm glad my son has taken a liking to you professor friede :) i hope you can continue to get along'#and ame being like 'we don't get along? smh'#we'll see where that leads. but hz doesn't really trick its audience. it expects us to pick up on all these themes and hints here and there#like how this ep points out that yeah gibeon still being alive at this point seems odd and for him to be ame's grandpa too.#it's intentional! so i'm just pointing out reocurring patterns.. but yeah. we'll see#friede#hz074#character notes#episode notes
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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one of my housemates is so fucking sensitive it turns me into a person I do not like
#like i always thought /i/ was 'overly' sensitive but my god. you cannot say ANYTHING around her#every little thing is too much for her everything is a trigger everything makes her tell you it wasn't okay for you to say around her or not#warning her about first like my sister in christ how the fuck should i have known this was a problem for you#maybe print out a trigger list and send it to all of us or something#but breathing is probably on there so#truly i hate how i sound i don't want to be like this but she's just playing the victim so severely it makes me aggressive it's like. primal#and I don't care when she flees from the room all the time when we're just having normal conversations because honestly I'm glad when she's#gone but she projects her issues onto everyone and everything around her like she cannot comprehend that maybe she has a fucking problem and#should maybe learn to deal with the fucking world#people aren't horrible for simply existing around you being themselves like. ny god it just makes me so furious#like i am AWARE that i have deficits; things that are easy for other people or come natural to them that i have issues with and that's fine#I'm learning to live in my way#and i can still love myself and not blame myself for having these problems without turning everyone around me and the whole fucking world#into the problem instead#i don't know if I'm even conveying what i mean#it's just this fucking victim complex that's driving me up the walls#she sees herself as so innocent and actually she's treating people like shit#man do i wish i could smoke about this
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#it seems our gas furnace was contributing to my flare up so my wife went out and bought a space heater.#(mcas is an illness that can react to literally anything regardless of how safe a thing probably is for most people)#(and yes I am vaguely aware twitter was arguing about natural gas but I've never liked it personally)#(it smells bad which usually means that it's bad for me)#(which like convenient that that one single safety system works! glad things I find unpleasant turn out to be things I should avoid)#(cuz I know that's not the case for everyone)#(and like growing up undiagnosed autistic I was really pushed to just put up with unpleasant sensations)#(so it's good to have double justification for not forcing myself to eat foods I know I don't like and so on)#(but I'd turned it off yesterday cuz I had a hunch)#(and I turned it back on this morning cuz I didn't want the cat to be cold)#(and I hadn't had a flare last night)#(but I started feeling worse whenever it kicked on.)#(so.)#(pretty straightforward answer there.)#(whoops left half of the thought shared with twitter in the post body -n-)
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just watched all the veilguard endings and
#whoever approved these i am gonna find out where u live.#i cant even express how disappointed i am w the endings#when i played i got the solavellan ending and that sent me into a deep depression for a week and now i watched the others and like.#u know what idk if im glad i got into da a year ago bc on one hand i get to experience all this w other people :)#but on the other hand i get to experience all this >:(#the caricature they made solas to be......#he would not fall for the fake dagger thing. if this was trespasser solas he could turn rook into stone along w the others.#the post credit scene????? changes so much from the previous games?????? idk how they looked at that and went yeah that seems completely#fine and doesnt alter any previous choices' importance at all#anyways at least ill always have shrimp solas :')#nett plays datv#nett rambles#datv spoilers#the way i was live texting the whole thing to tay bc what the hell are these endings genuinely
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