#but I also think that in the wake of forgetting himself he needs some connection to cling onto

[otaku553]

Thinking very hard about an AU idea of mine. Reluctant king Sabo AU!

In which Sabo isn’t saved by Dragon, but survives long enough to drift ashore and be saved by the doctors of Goa Kingdom, who do so only to ransom his medical bills from Sabo’s parents. Sabo’s parents take him back, thinking that his amnesia makes him a clean slate, but Sabo, young and stubborn and unsure of his entire identity, knows that everything is wrong and runs again, and again, and again.

Until at some point, he meets the Revolutionaries, and realizes that he can be useful to them, provide them information, make something good of an inescapable situation. From then on, he starts acting the noble that he was born as, in order to be a more useful informant to the Revolutionaries, until sunk cost fallacy hits and he believes that being a noble is the only way that he can be useful to the Revolutionaries. So at that point, why not take it all the way?

At 17, Sabo becomes one of Princess Sarie’s suitors, and at 17, he has doubts about using the princess for his own goals. Sarie is a romantic, and she wants a dramatic fairy tale of a romance, and she was already charmed, but the moment Sabo opens up to her about not wanting to use her to get to the throne, having lofty ambitions of helping the people (just not the people she thinks he’s talking about), Sabo becomes the one she simply must marry, because surely if she tries hard enough, she can make him love her back.

Soon after, the king and his son die. Sarie’s father and brother die. And while Sabo conveniently ascends to the throne, he also swiftly implicates his father, Outlook, in the assassination of all heirs to the throne, resulting in Outlook’s arrest and subsequent execution. And thus, at 18, Sabo becomes king, and begins to gradually institute great changes to Goa Kingdom.

Design-wise, Sabo wears an eyepatch because his damaged eye is considered a grotesque sight by nobles’ standards. Under the eyepatch, he wears heavy makeup to hide the burn scar. These are both at the behest of his birth parents, who spin a story about Sabo having been born half blind to hide the fact that Sabo had been shot by a Celestial Dragon and save face. To those who have seen his scar, they fabricate a second secret story that he was unfortunately kidnapped as a child. Sabo never does find out, until he regains his memories, where the burn scar is actually from.

[nena-la-fresa]

can i ask u a Josh Washigton x reader request? I would love to read an scenario were its the reader's birthday🥹

Keep It Warm

18+ Account | Minors DNI | Do NOT Follow, Like, or Comment | Pls have your age in your bio, if you do not I will automatically block you because I’ll assume you are a minor.

Pairing: Josh Washington x f! Reader

Warning: Fluff | A tiny bit of Angst | Mental Institution Mentioned | Birthday |

Word Count: 685

A/n: Hopefully this is okay. I feel like I can’t make a Josh fic without some sort of angst. Sorry it's super short. I have a lot of class assignments due this week so my focus is on that rn. Off topic but I'm thinking about making a Mr.Robot fic. Im back in my Rami Malek era.

“You are receiving a call from Ocean View Hospital. Would you like to accept?” 

“Yes.”

The line was then connected. 

“Hey sweetheart. How are you?” You could hear his sly look through the phone. 

You leaned against the wall fiddling with the hem of your shirt. 

“I’m good. How about yourself?” You missed hearing his voice. 

“I’m good now.” 

“Oh are you really?” 

“Yeah. I’m just glad I get to hear you talk. It’s a good distraction from all this.” 

“I’m glad I can distract you for a bit.” 

You had been friends with Josh since you both were little. You had always known something was a bit different with him. But it wasn’t until you both started dating that you had fully known the extent of his condition. Josh would wake up during the night screaming, he’d have a hard time recognizing you at times.

“So my birthday’s coming up.”

“It is, isn't it.” 

“Do you think you’ll finally be out by then?”

“I’m not too sure babe. But if I’m doing better by then you'll be the first to know.” 

You felt slightly disappointed but you knew he was in there to get the help he needed. 

That was 3 weeks ago. 

You hadn’t heard from Josh since that last phone call. He hadn’t been returning your letters or phone calls. You had begun to assume the worst. What if he didn’t want to talk to you anymore? Or what if he regressed? What if his meds stopped working. Even when you asked Hannah and Beth they hadn’t been able to contact him either. 

All you could think about was the day you found him. You could still see it. He was passed out on the floor. He was unresponsive for a good minute before you had to throw cold water on him. He was sobbing, saying how he wasn’t good enough for you. Saying that he didn’t deserve you. But those sobs quickly turned to anger, not at you but to whatever was talking around him. He swatted trying to get the voices away from him. But what really did it for him was when he accidentally hit you. The guilt that he felt, he didn’t mean it. He wasn’t aiming for you. He couldn’t even see you with his delusions tormenting him. That was what really made him commit himself. 

Hannah knew how upset you were but she thought it would be a good idea to take you to the cabin for your birthday. You had always said it was your favorite place to go. 

You and Hannah were already making your way to the cable cart, “Didn’t you say Beth was going to meet us here?” 

Hanna turned slightly to you, “Yeah, she got cold and just texted me that she was going to go ahead to the cabin.”

You nodded. After the walking you could finally see the cabin in sight. It was just as beautiful as you remembered it. Hannah held the door open for you as you walked in first. You felt your body jolt from the yelling. 

“Surprise!” Little poppers and kazoos echoed through the room. 

“Aw you guys.” You felt your eyes tear up a bit. From the excitement but also from the disappointment. Out of all the faces there, the one you wanted the most wasn’t there. 

You let out a surprised scream feeling someone picking you up from behind. As soon as you were set back down you saw who it was. 

Until you felt someone pick you up from behind 

It was him. 

“What did you think I forgot?”

You felt the tears run down your face. You nodded slightly.

"Now why would I forget about you."

You hugged him tightly, feeling his arms wrap around you.

“When did they let you out?”

“About three days ago.”

“Why didn't you tell me”

“I wanted to surprise you. I'm sorry”

“No, I'm just so happy. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I promise I won’t miss another one.”

He wiped your tears, “I missed you so much. I’m sorry. I’ll do better. I promise.” 

[sweetimpurity]

💓 day 23!! I have been waiting for this one and the next three days!! this is a continuation of THIS sweet thought that everyone was asking for a part 2 of!

So the next three days are gonna be a mini series off of that!! I recommend reading that before you read this so it makes sense!

cw: yandere themes, obsession

PART 1

Earth-731

Mig’s been watching you for months. Managed to tap into the feed of multiple Miguel’s across the multiverse. Connections to his dimension are tricky since a rogue anomaly came a while back and threw off the timeline only slightly. So things are glitchy. He feels glitchy all the time. Like there’s a flicker in his head and in his bones. Searching for the thing that would make everything right again, make him feel okay, and he can only look to you. Perfect you. You don’t exist in his timeline. Yet in almost every other dimension, you’re there with a version of him that’s much luckier than he’s ever been. 

It’s obsessive at this point. He watches you all day long. Watching you with your Miguel. Or rather watching you get left behind. He watches Miguel-928 miss out on important events, forget anniversaries and birthdays, watches you going to bed alone for nights at a time. But he also watches the good times, the nights in, date nights you two share together, the laughs, the love. Forcing himself to turn the feed off when it seems your version of him will get even luckier. 

It’s torture. To have fallen for you when he’s never even spoken to you before. But you love him in another timeline right? So why couldn’t you love him in this one?  

“Hah…” He sighs, running fingers through his hair and getting up from his seat. Pacing around his office in Alchemax. In this dimension, he’s not the leader of the Spider Society. He’s a geneticist working for a tyrant CEO in a bright sterile lab in Nueva York. And not a single person knows of his genetic predisposition. 

He wakes up, goes to work, overworks, goes home, checks the police feed he’s hacked into and listens to where he’s needed. Going out in the night to catch crooks and criminals because that’s all he can do. He hasn’t been able to figure out how to jump dimensions since the anomaly left his timeline glitching and cut off. But religiously he watches back a video feed he captured of another Miguel on Earth-378, constructing a portal generator. 

Since he doesn’t have the instructions himself, he’s dissected and analyzed this video over and over for months. Trying to copy it to the letter and make a portal generator of his own so he can finally get out of this place. He’s collected parts and worked countless hours in his apartment trying to make this work. 

Originally his destination in mind was anywhere but here. But ever since he found you while combing through multiversal feeds, he knows you’re his first stop. He’s taking you with him no matter where he goes. Your Miguel doesn’t treat you right anyway. 

Heading home, he stumbles through the door carrying a new discarded piece of machinery from work. There’s a circuit board with a specific wiring he thinks will be the right piece for the generator. Lugging it down the hallway to the spare bedroom which is now his makeshift lab. His half constructed generator on a bench there. Putting the piece down and flicking a few switches to bring the lab to life. Lights flickering on and some machines humming. Multiple screens on his computer awaken and he walks right over to one, scanning his fingerprint. Pushing up his glasses and typing on the screen to bring up the feed labeled with your name. Pressing on it and tuning in to see what you’re doing. 

He sits down, focusing on the screen and zooming out to see you’re still at work in your dimension. Looking so pretty and perfect. His heart flutters just seeing you after the long day he’s had. He wishes he could talk to you. 

He sits at his desk, fiddling with the machine to remove the parts and watching the feed like TV. Listening to your voice through the screen and seeing you leave work, street cameras picking up your route home. His eyes lock on any suspicious characters on the street and making sure you get there safely. Even though he’s dimensions away, he always watches to make sure you get home safe. 

And almost like it’s his favorite part of the movie, he leans forward, waiting for the surveillance in your apartment to pick up your expression as you enter the door. A smile on his face, admiring you adoringly at that relief in your expression. That gladness he knows you feel being home after a long day. It’s a good thing your Miguel installed all that surveillance in the apartment. Because now he can watch you worlds away. He’d probably do the same thing if he knew if could keep you protected. 

The night goes on and clearly your Miguel isn’t coming home until late again. Most likely on patrol all day or at the Society Headquarters like he always is. Hardly seeing you at all in a day. Mig watches you make dinner for yourself. He watches you watch a show for a while, listens to you singing to yourself as you do the dishes, watches the bathroom door when you’re taking a shower and then switches the feed to the empty kitchen while you’re getting changed in the bedroom. All the while he’s working on removing the pieces from this machine, finally getting it undone by the time you’re calling your Miguel to ask when or if he’ll be home tonight. You’re already in your pajamas ready for bed and he’s not even back yet. 

“Shit… damn it..” Mig huffs when the circuit board doesn’t fit where he needs it. All that work and now he’ll have to find a different piece in scrap somewhere. He sighs, forcing himself not to chuck the piece across the room, instead discarding it calmly in the junk metal bin. He huffs, sitting down at his desk and running his hands through his hair again. He stays that way for a few minutes. He’s tired.

Sitting with his head in his hands and hearing the sounds of you getting ready for bed. His eyes closed and listening to you brush your teeth, wash your face, do all the things he watches you do every night. And then the sheets when you’re getting in bed. Feeling heavy himself. 

Your moans fill his ears, infiltrating his mind. Your body which could only be soft and warm and plush. Under him and accepting him over and over. His cock hugged and loved through your tight walls, his tip kissing your sweet spot every single time. Making you tremble, making you moan for him. Moaning his name. “Mmmmiguel!” You gasp and it makes him shiver. His face dipping into your neck and inhaling your scent which he can only imagine is so sweet and pleasant. 

Finding your hands with his and lacing his fingers with yours. Hands entwined above your head, as close as he’s always yearned to be. Pumping you full with everything he’s been keeping for you. Your cunt he’s longed to taste, to fill. Your sweet soft skin he’s needed to kiss and bite. Kissing down your jaw, your neck, your sternum and finding your perked mound, sucking the hardened nip into his mouth and sucking. Drawing the sweetest, most erotic sounds from your lips he can even imagine. Your shaking legs wrapping around his waist and pulling him deeper, is that’s even possible. Like he could never be separated from you. Even though he’s never not been separated from you before. 

“Oh please Mig!” You sigh, and he looks up at your face, your features quirked in pleasure. He keeps with the rhythm, knowing it’s bringing you pleasure, bringing you closer to orgasm. And he wants to feel you come apart on him. He’s wanted it for so so long.

“Come on sweet girl…” He whispers, but the sound doesn’t leave his chest. It rumbles but it stays. Like the words won’t reach the air.

He shakes awake when his elbow knocks a tool off his desk. The metal clanking and ringing through the room. “hah!” He flinches, lifting his head from where it was resting in his hands. Having fallen asleep watching you sleep. It was a dream. No it was a tease. His mind taunting him with what he will never have.

Except your moans don’t cease. They don’t stop. That’s not in his head. He looks up at the screen. Seeing the time, trying to decipher what’s going on. Your desperate cries coming in through the monitor. And there you are in bed. Your Miguel finally returned home from wherever he was all day ignoring you. The two of you having loud sex under the blankets. He’s confused. Caught off guard. Slamming a few buttons and shutting the feed off. That’s enough taunting for one night.

Taglist!! love my sweeties!

@spooky-sculder

@slushycoookie @xxyaoi-nationxx @snails-doodles22 @scaryplanetdestroyer @fate13

@divorcepaperz @yeahnohoneybye @zaunsin @tomalymme @drefear

@mrs-pondwater19 @saintdiior @aphinthestars @hyjionie

@palomanh @maxad99 @muuuwoppppp @reader-1290

@sp0ck136 @lazyninjaphilosopher

@pinkdizzyship @opalwitchart

if you'd like to be added/dropped from the taglist, please comment on my masterlist post. Or else I might not see it! thank you! 🩷

plus those who requested a part 2:

@d3stin7 @laysmt @yougavemeyourheartyouknow @marshhbs

@twwcs @resident-clown @haveclayeveryday

@fullmetal-spiderling @grumpyahjumma

@lxverrings @lazyjellyfish300

[lisafrnkstein]

people saying that penelope and colin's relationship seemed rushed through s3 part 1 and the whole colin hate train makes me sigh out of tiredness so, so deeply... so here's a random babbling out of my head:

they're CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. colin always seeks her out during social events and probably during pen's afternoons in the bridgerton house without her maid/chaperone, which probably gave them even more freedom to talk and cultivate their friendship (hence one of the reasons why she loved these visits so much)

yes, we had the "i'd never dream of courting pelenope" phrase and honestly i think that he was too influenced by his male friends, by how his brothers were womanizers and the whole messy/confusing third child thing going on

ALSO: he put on the mask of a man that society wanted him to be (even lady whistledown talks about it, c'mon now) and tried his hardest to pretend. let's not forget the whole scandal with marina, how guilty he felt after putting his family under such a bad light, how it made his heart break for the first time – his confidence and carefree vibe were broken for a while. violet saying that he has always been a sensitive child, always caring more about everyone but himself also shows it. he's a people's pleaser. this "cringe" rakish vibe IS INTENTIONAL!!!!!!!!!!

his sexual encounters with other women were satisfying physically, but they lacked emotional connection!!!! like the one he has with penelope!!!!! and such thing is obvious when we hear the paragraph that penelope reads on his diary. how lonely he felt despise being close to someone else physically. that look he gave her after being back from these travels during s2 screams so, but he probably just thought it was some sort of platonic affection.

they aren't strangers like daphne and simon or kate and anthony. these two exchanged letters for MONTHS once colin was gone, too. he just needed a wake up call, that being their kiss

[howlsofbloodhounds]

[experiment]: {2/2}

(I will refer to the Undertale versions by their names—Doctor Gaster, Sans, Papyrus, Undyne—and the Othertale versions by their nicknames. Shade, Color, Ivory, Sage.

I have the first part linked in the numbers if it’s hard to see.)

Sans rushes to tell Gaster, but he is not as excited as Sans thought he would be. He tells Sans to immediately go back and extract “the energy” before it does anymore damage to her body.

When Sans protests, confused because he thought this is what Gaster wanted, a frustrated Gaster explains nothing. Just tells Sans to go back and do as he’s told.

Sans can’t bring himself to tell Undyne the truth and ruin her happiness—so instead he tells her to get some sleep.

Undyne is disappointed because Gaster isn’t there, and worries about what if he comes back and she’s asleep—to which Sans assures her he’ll wake her up if Gaster comes back.

(It really seems like Undyne was attached a lot to Gaster. Wanting him to share in her excitement, feeling safe when he’s around.)

And then, of course, Sans extracts the energy from the girl’s eye when she’s sleeping.

He does it with just a hand. Painless and quick—the energy goes easily back to him before Sans dismisses it.

(If hands can give and take magic energy—perhaps also as a tie into to Gaster, the man with holes in his hands and ���speaks in hands”—then perhaps that explains why Color needed physical contact with Ivory to reopen her eye.

He just chose to punch her lmao. Such as difference from their interactions in this short.)

This what we see if we slow it down the moment that the screen glitches. Because Gaster fell (jumped?) into the Core.

We see that what happened to Color also happened to Gaster—possibly creating a different version of Undertale the way Sans’ erasure created Othertale.

And above see Color over Sans. Perhaps this is him immediately after absorbing the souls. He appears to be bleeding from the eye and mouth—and the look on his face seems dizzy with pain and shock.

The glitch is enough to cause Undyne to wake up, confused and in pain. She asks Sans what happened, and he replies that he needs to check on someone—but when she asks who, he says he doesn’t know.

It appears the process of forgetting Gaster was immediate. After this, we get this scene where Sans finds a picture/drawing in the Core:

This makes me think that Gaster jumped.

Don’t forget written, his frustration and shame about his perceived constant failures, Sans seems concerned about him and him being alone, the way there’s this mystery mistake that Gaster did.

The way Gaster still seems to keep a distance from Sans even when the other reaches out, the seemingly increasing arguments between them, the way Gaster claims that the energy in the eye would damage Undyne’s body and Sans should remove it immediately—yet doesn’t go to do it himself or check on Undyne despite being shown to be an attentive doctor whose patients feel safe and comfortable with him.

The way he refuses to explain himself or what he wants to Sans, shutting down any attempt to connect or understand—ordering Sans to do as he’s told. The way the world glitches and Sans’ immediate thought is that he needs to go check on someone, despite not even knowing who he has to check on.

I don’t know. It seems to me that a stream of constant mistakes tore down Gaster with shame and guilt, one he couldn’t pull himself out of even when his experiment finally succeeded.

A lot of the relationship between Gaster/Shade and Color/Sans seems to be driven by anger and guilt and a sense of responsibility.

Sans seems to feel a responsibility to keep a look out for Gaster, but also seems to not want to intrude on his space and Gaster seems likely to avoid and snap at Sans—possibly because he may be a reminder of his failures.

It seems opposite in the Void. Shade seems to feel a responsibility to look after Color’s mental, physical and emotional health—and Color just seems too drained and at the end of his rope to even be able to attempt to reciprocate.

Gaster may have committed suicide (or intended to) by jumping in the Core, and Color has almost killed himself trying to escape the Void and only survived because of Shade.

It gives me the vibes that Shade is putting Color on suicide watch, and Color is irate about it because—unlike Shade—Color isn’t trying to die or wanting to die, he’s trying to escape. Or at least that’s what Color may be telling himself, and is lashing out verbally at Shade for stopping him.

Which adds yet another parallel to Color and Stage 1 Killer. Having their choice to die or attempts to self harm or attempts to escape taken away from them by others (Killer because someone still wants to use him, Color because Shade feels responsible for him and guilty and probably also doesn’t want to be alone in the Void and forgotten if he truly did write the “Don’t forget.”)

[katyspersonal]

Idk if you have enough to say since he’s a fairly minor character but can you give thoughts on the Hornsent (NPC)? I love him so much and I absolutely agree that he’s a huge parallel to Marika herself and I wanna hear more of your thoughts on that and him in general!

Hey, he is not THAT minor! xD All seven NPCs that were attracted by Miquella and are our guides through SOTE's lore are pretty much in the spotlight! Elden Ring's story just has these important Demigods and characters more strongly involved with them that their gravity makes it harder to focus on the Little Guy 😔 (and all Thiollier fans laughed sfdhfdh)

Okay so uhhh, I will post observations and thoughts in order, because yeah, with this guy you sort of need to pay attention twice or something?

1) He originates from Belurat

The kind of mask he is wearing could've created some confusion, but "the tower" exclusively refers to Belurat in the lore!

Freyja states this much at the beginning, and it is admittedly easy to forget because most likely you check this dialogue just on the first playthrough and before what 'tower' is clicks properly.. but yeah!

A more bold evidence here is that Hornsent will recognise the meal that is trademark of Belurat!

2) Don't be confused though, Grandam is not his mother!

He states in dialogues upon being killed by Leda and if he was not summoned to fight Messmer that his child, wife and mother were killed during Crusade!

2.1) He doesn't mention father nor gender of a child, though?

I think this on itself is interesting, and opens a bit more for potential backstory! His father might have been dead before the Crusade, or... maybe even divorced. x) Or maybe, he survived the Crusade, like Hornsent himself, but perished for another reason; maybe old age, maybe even upon seeking revenge as well? It would still make sense for him to not mention his father even then, because he would not count as massacred IN purge of the Tower!

Saying 'child', not 'son' or 'daughter', also gave me a kinda fucked up idea, listen! What if this means something? For example, his wife was merely pregnant, or the purge happened at the time when she just gave a birth, so he never learned whether it was a son or a daughter? I know I should not make it even darker than it already was, and it is probably just to specify the 'status' (he does say 'wife' rather than calling her by the name, after all)... But imagine...

In any case, his child was still very little! In Japanese he refers to his child as '幼子よ', and I checked... Yeah, it refers to basically an infant, it seems!

3) He is very reluctant to make a connection, even under spell!

After Tarnished gives him the Scorpion Stew, he gives them Furnace Visage (useful item for killing two Furnace Golems that can't be killed normally and to "wake up" one blocking the way in Ruins of Unte). His motivation is, "I desire not to be in your debt"!

And he refuses if you try to give him another Scorpion Stew:

The last phrase (お前と、慣れ合うつもりもな…) is more accurately says something like "I have no intention of getting used to you"! The only thing Miquella's spell did was to give him hope, but he can't open up even to "comrades"!

4) He is not likely to be a potentate, despite his mask!

He is wearing the mask that is otherwise worn by potentates, however, there is something else about potentates:

By the practice of his village of birth! It looks like this is basically a "family business" inherited through generations, something Hornsent already is probably excluded from, since he is one of the people of Belurat!

I think the simpler explanation for why he has this mask is not its context but its practical purpose: "to ward off thoughts and distractions (from his honorable quest of revenge)"! He must remain focused on vengeance; no friends, no falling into despair, no "wax nostalgic 'bout days gone by"... I also played around with the idea that this mask was from his mysterious never-mentioned father rather than something he picked somewhere! Maybe he was one of those Potentate barbarians that somehow climbed social ladder a bit by marrying a woman from Belurat! Don't know whether it is something possible in this society, it is hard to tell :p

Hornsent also doesn't use trademark weapon of Potentates, their butchering knife, but his weapon Falx - something created with the purpose of vengeance! I think it implies that he was not even a fighter before, and only started to wield weapon to begin with FOR vengeance!

4.1) He must not oblivious to where it comes from, though, so what does it say about his character?

Regardless of whether the mask comes from, I doubt he doesn't know its actual origin! I am positive that the people who executed Shamans are long ago dead, but the practice itself is alive. Besides, even Hornsent themselves get this treatment if they've convicted:

So you'd wonder what he is feeling avenging "his beloved people" who put other people in jars, and whether there is some hypocrisy, right? Well, I THOUGHT there was some awareness:

It makes it sound as though he is, at the same time, aware that his folks are not perfect either, and believes in Miquella's new world to fix their flawed, even barbaric culture as well, right? I double checked for Japanese text, and I do not really see it as translation mistake?

ミケラが、その誓いを違えず、一族をも救う神となるのなら

一族を、救って…

In Japanese, he uses 救, which means to 'save' or religious kind of 'salvation'! To 'redeem' doesn't seem to be too far removed from original meaning, but I'd say this gives off more of the vibe of 'salvation' that is justice for the martyred, for those who were murdered unfairly! Justice of God upon sinners and to help out the victims, rather than the 'cleanse our sins' kind of 'salvation'!

Maybe I am looking at it through the wrong angle, but I also kind of like this interpretation more! He is not exactly in the mindset to question imperfections or straight up hazardous religious practices of his nation when the wound of losing his own family, and countless other families being burnt in "cleansing" is what defines his whole life now! Hornsent culture deserves to be criticised, but it is not his priority for the long time now, maybe never again, and it is fair enough!

^ Another line pointing towards him certainly not having "criticism" towards his clan nor intending to, as this is translated very plainly:

…よくも、我らを汚物と呼んだものだ どちらが真に汚物なのか、自分でも知っていただろうに！

5) He disrespects Leda without crossing her boundaries

He never once addresses her by name! It is not just how he is, as he addresses not just Miquella by name, but also Marika and Messmer, his sworn enemies! However, Leda he addresses only as:

The thing is, she is not just Leda, she is Lady Leda! She has the title by her knightly status, and calling her by the name is something reserved only to either close people or those who wants to be an asshole on purpose x)

He surely would not call her Lady, and it could be not quite personal but just because he chronically dislikes Tarnished! But he also would not shorten the mental distance between them by using her name without honorfic. I think it is a neat detail!

6) He doesn't use the flasks to heal!

I actually only learned it from @slavonicrhapsody here ( x ) as I was not paying attention, but, yeah! Developers actually bothered to differentiate him by not having him use flasks, a thing of the Erdtree, that fits the lore!

7) His invasion location might be not coincidental!

Hornsent still invades us even if we helped him to complete his revenge upon Messmer because FromSLOP hates us and our desired bonds with the characters in case you haven't noticed that upon finding dead bodies of Ansbach and Thiollier lmao. But his invasion location is particularly quite close where Romina is, and in the place full of Scarlet Rot+! And Romina is herself form Belurat!

Perhaps, even though he called us a "comrade-in-arms", maybe meeting her made him turn upon us after all? Sure, he does say that after all, he doesn't wish Miquella's help but only vengeance upon everyone under Erdtree, but come on, dude, we are friends now!

But maybe meeting another Belurat survivor face to face after a long time knocked him back to his previous mindset harder, and he decided that "no, not a single person of Marika's world deserves to be spared, not even my comrade that helped me"! As opposed to just thinking up of a change of a heart on his own! It is one thing to keep the 'idea' of victims he is avenging in his mind as his compass, but another to meet one face-to-face, to see her living in the ruins now and latching onto twisted Eldrich God of endless death-and-rebirth that was not meant to be released similarly to Formless Mother! This is a far cry from Hornsent's religion and their worship of Divine Beasts from Heaven, Romina is "ruined" and so is the nature itself in some way, and it is all Messmer's and Marika's fault...

8) Another nameless character!

There are other characters in Elden Ring who abandon their names and instead take up titles that reflect their new purpose (like Dung Eater or Goldmask)! I can only assume that he forsaken his name, instead simply using title of his nation as one, after he lost his family. "The man I used to be died in the fires with them" kind of thing...

This is just an idea that I like, but I think if he was to ever find new relationship, he'd allow this person to refer him by the name or a nickname they pick for him! But he never wants to use his former name again. He might try to start a new life in the best case scenario, but never repair anything from the former one. Things once broken... you know.

9) You KNOW where his mapping skills come from!

He doesn't just also follow Miquella, but is an invaluable help to the team in picking and mapping his exact traces! He has been pursuing Messmer and his forces before in vengeance, and needless to mention that the size of Elden Ring's world is only scaled down for the sake of a videogame not making your brain AND computer explode x) He for sure needed a lot of spyoning, researching and seeking to both find his ways and not prematurely die.

I just think it works better if he lived comfortably in Belurat, a pretty high-class place, and HAD to develop both fighting and mapping skills as a response to his trauma and craving for revenge... I know there ARE military forces in Belurat too, but he is not exactly an armoured warrior, nor a Curseblade. And think about tragic drastic change of a character.... Miquella's charm sort of put those developed skills to a good use.

10) I am not sure what to think of his face data!

(From video by Zullie the Witch ( x )) I just had a flashback in black-and-white filter to the guy that passionately tried to prove us with the foam at his mouth that Fromsoft was super lazy, and honestly... all his arguments were super wrong, yet he never would mention something like THIS! You can absolutely tell that developers created one of these characters first, and then made the other one atop of these sliders instead of making a new one. 🙄

@slavonicrhapsody suggested that burnt marks on Hornsent's face could be from him surviving the purge, and I totally like this idea! Them making a unique character first with clear idea in mind and then remembering "ah, shoot, right we need a few annoying invader NPCs too" makes more sense! Especially since Potentates invaders are all generic, without variants! Basically, I think Hornsent holds priority in this kind of face data for obvious reasons, but, god, if they picked another type of beard, why not remove burnt marks? 🙄🙄 #FromSLOP

__________________

Tbh I already liked this character instantly upon first jumping into DLC! According to my friend @val-of-the-north people were thinking he was kind of an dick, which apparently absolutely went over my head as I didn't feel this way? Maybe it is because I am both familiar with distrusting other people as person with PTSD and not familiar with "being polite" as a concept as an autist lol dhsfh

I just found him intriguing, but his monologue after being summoned for Messmer scared me a little bit. The way he grows more obsessed with revenge, and doesn't intend to stop only at people who were actually guilty... Fun fact: I've summoned him on Messmer's arena by pure accident! XD I didn't know it could be done, I just randomly saw a summon sign while running from Messmer all over the place fhshfds Apparently it was a good call, because most people skipped this turn of character on their first play?

Also unpopular opinion, but I think him being "unlikeable" on some sort of objective level is good? I feel very strongly about the whole mindset of 'only feeling compassion for the 'good victim'' that lingers in society. Like... gooooood forbid if the victim becomes angry, or ends up hurting the world back, or otherwise develops the unlikeable traits, right? Only soft "likeable" victims that just weep and clearly never did anything wrong before OR after their trauma deserve compassion, right? (Slavonic I am using all my willpower to not link your post about Beebus rn fsdhfdhs) I think Hornsent developing negatively as a person is good and realistic. I praised the base game for how Dung Eater and Mohg were executed (not everyone who opposes the oppressive system or was a victim of it is automatically a good person), but Hornsent is not even a villain, and it is even better! He is "not good victim", and it doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve sympathy and recovery!

At the same time, really good character in his function, to show how revenge will only endlessly create more revenge infinitely! I think he deserves better than being automatically written down over what his mask item is given all the other context, and he definitely deserves all the "I can fix him" Tarnished bitches. 😔😔😔

[angellayercake]

Oh well @sakuraspoke if you insist on me rambling about Terzo who am I to refuse? ☺️

We know from some interview snippets about him that by the time he becomes papa he is bitter and he hates himself and he is somewhat of a recluse which is clearly a massive contradiction to the caring, entertaining, silly, sexy charmer we see on stage. That man seems a lot more in keeping with the description we see from Bishop Necropolitus Cracoviensis who describes Terzo during his time as a Cardinal. As being a visionary who cares for his flock and revels in sin.

So how did he get here and how does that relate to this song?

I think we can all agree that his hopes for what he would achieve during his reign as Papa were squashed very quickly. He clearly put up a fight and was starting to gain momentum by the end where perhaps he thought it might be possible (hence why he was dragged off stage, humiliated and murdered) but we can see that nothing really went to plan and this is what probably sent him down the spiral of depression and self hatred.

But to bring it all back to 'We'll never have sex'. He created a very specific persona that was very likable and charming and I have no doubt that those are aspects of his personality and he had no lack of partners within the Ministry and without. But they ONLY wanted the Charming Papa™ and when his darker side would reveal itself, his self loathing and dissatisfaction they would run for the hills, if they even stayed long enough to see it. Because he is Papa right? Sex god leader of the Satanic Church, champion of the female orgasm, he is above wanting to be loved or cared for.

He is lonely, depressed, hopeless and desperate for some connection. So he keeps up the facade, keeps accepting the one night stands and casual propositions just to stave off the loneliness for a night or two until he just can't anymore. He closes himself off and comes to terms with the fact that no one will ever want just him.

This is all my standard headcanon for him in general and most of my fics unless otherwise stated but this also leads specifically into banchetto so I will put that under a read more in case anyone doesn't care about that bit 😁

This is basically where he is emotionally at the beginning of Banchetto underneath the hurt about his removal from his position and his brothers interference etc.

So why does he do what he does to poor reader? Well I think personally he has forgotten how to relate to people romantically other than sex. He hasn't had a traditional 'relationship' for many many years probably since he was a very young man and first learned about falling in love and heartbreak.

When he realises that reader is attracted to him he also finds her a distraction from wallowing in his depression and even though he had grown to hate no strings sex he falls back on that easy seduction to give him that taste of connection he craves. That is until he realises how much he hurt her by playing with her and that's when he realises

1. He may have found someone who really does care for HIM not what they can get from Papa. She has seen him at his worst. Complete rock bottom and still she cares?

2. He is beginning to care for her too. He looks forward to seeing her everyday and the light she brings into his life. He wakes up earlier so he can be up as soon as she arrives and he wracks his brains for question after question so he can justify following her around as she works. It's only when she disappears for that week after he cornered her that he realises this though.

And this is why they are taking it so slowly (aside from the fact she really does have a job to do which he tends to forget and at this point has completely forgotten). She has picked up on the fact that this is unfamiliar territory for him and really there is no need to rush right? What could possibly bring their happy little domestic bubble to be popped??? 😈

On that note I will leave it there. If you have got this far I love you 😚😚

[bloogers-boogers]

Thinking of an au where Lucifer is still the king of hell but in this world Adam was a mere sinner and not the ‘first man’ but the first ‘willingly fallen angel’. People will say wouldn’t that be untrue bc Lucifer yada yada,, but nah, Lucifer didn’t expect to fall, so willingly he didn’t, at least not in this au ~ so anyways…

Adam was never created as a human, he was an angel and had been friends with Lucifer before his fall. They were both seraphim! Though Adam was made a few ranks below Lucifer, God created him as the embodiment of perfection and beauty ~ so all angels admired him for how he looked and was praised by the creator, even Lucifer.

Lucifer at the time never considered Adam as something more than a brother just like all of the other angels they just saw each other like that? The knowledge of romance was an oddity or some type of supernatural feeling no one experienced at the time but God would mention about when it came in describing the first humans.

And they weren’t entirely close either. They were just connected being very pampered and favored by God.

Fast forward to Lucifer already being casted to hell and married to Lilith. They eventually heard of a fallen angel landed in hell (by a deadly sin, I would like to say it was Satan who informed Lucifer of this bc yk that’s a freaking fallen angel). So Lucifer was shocked of this revelation. After all, it’s been like a century since Lucifer and Lilith gathered angels to go against heaven and then be casted to live in hell for the rest of eternity.

When Lucifer tracked the angel down, it took a while until his eyes landed on Adam. Yup. The Seraphim Adam he once knew as the living perfection of God’s hands turned as a sinner.

Once Lucifer helps Adam, picking his unconscious body and taking him to his castle to get heal. Adam wakes up and was greeted with a bomb of questions by both king and queen of hell of why the hell was he here. In this case Adam refuses to tell them why he fell and flees to never be seen.

Leaving Lucifer and Lilith speechless because why, when, how???

Years pases by and the whole incident is long forgotten, just like Lucifer’s marriage.

So everything is basically the same except Lucifer is more of a king than being shut in his castle depressed. I feel having the influence of Adam back in heaven kinda toughened him up a bit bc he shared a lot of things in common and well, God’s love. So there was some sorts of jealousy involved just like competition. Also having Lucifer near by kinda just softened Adam a ton which made it easier for him to be too vulnerable in hell.

Lucifer is much more colder though. He doesn’t have Charlie in this Au but Adam sorta does? He has Abel who has a similar personality and ambitions. His dream is redemption and thats why nothing much changes aside from that. But without Charlie Lucifer just doesn’t have anyone, and like they say, nothing is more scarier than someone who has nothing to lose.

Adam has a strained relationship with his son because he’s so blinded by Abel’s mother who’s very abusive and who Abel distanced himself from (unaware Adam is actually trapped in her chains/ she owns his soul), so they rarely ever talk or see each other but Adam loves his son more than anything.

Abel isn’t Adam’s only son he has 15 biological children! And 56 adoptive ones (exorcists that in this au are hellborn orphans/ who aren’t necessarily currently living in his area or home but are his nonetheless) Vaggie, Lute, and more. Adam is an overlord! The most powerful in wrath and was allowed to leave pride by a deal he made with Lilith thousands of year before she kinda bailed on hell.

He and Lucifer did cross paths throughout that time which made the whole falling incident more easier to forget considering Lucifer was no longer interested in wanting to know why Adam fell and just respected his privacy. The deal he made with Lilith needed to be reinforced from Lucifer’s power so it was necessary for the king of hell to be involved and grant Adam’s wish to leave pride and join wrath instead (he’s still a pride citizen he just isn’t forced to be there like the rest of the sinners/ is basically the only one allowed to have left his ring).

But getting to the plot. So Lucifer starts getting a bunch of complaints of Abel’s hotel and all the trouble he’s making with heaven. And the angels aka Sera haven’t stopped pestering his ass about it so he goes and seeks for this ‘Abel guy’ he has no idea who’s about (or who’s daddy did this one belonged to) and surprise surprise Lucifer becomes Abel’s Alastor ~ he joins in the hotel (with all the intention on screwing it over) being a sponsor, and ofc to this Abel’s all enthusiastic having the actual king of hell ‘on his side’ giving him ‘support’ of his dreams yk

And you can imagine the rest aksbwksheks Loving the idea of Hell greatest dad being Lucifer taunting Adam for being a better dad than him and Adam feeling challenged (bc he kinda is)

[bunnakit]

my stand in final thoughts, feelings, etc.

what an absolute ride of a show. what a series of ups and downs and downs and downs and up.

i think what i find so charming about this show is that it really exemplifies what it means to be human. each character was flawed in their own way and each made mistakes that at the end of the day were just human mistakes. no one felt like a mustache twirling villain but rather a flawed human being that got caught up in something bigger than themselves, or caught up in their own ego, hubris, etc.

in a show that was clearly framed to be about second chances i really did not expect the wide array of examples of different second chances in life - the obvious being joe and ming, but then there was joe and new!joe's mother, ming and his mother, tong and may, joe and sol, etc. almost everyone experienced a second chance of some kind with one another. almost all second chances worked out towards a positive outcome but i respect that some were neutral outcomes at best; a total reset. a second chance doesn't always mean total forgiveness and absolution but rather a new slate to try again and i really appreciate that MSI made it a point to showcase that.

i am also once again grateful that the show did not fall into the evil mother trope. i was gritting my teeth waiting to see what became of ming's mom and in the end both she and joe's mom were parents doing their best, wanting the best for their children, and stumbling along the way - another perfect example of humanity.

i couldn't even come to fully hate tong by the end. the industry inflated his ego, he felt indestructible, he was able to get anything he wanted with his connections, and he allowed that confidence to turn to hubris and got involved in something far bigger than himself. a scared, cornered beast will almost always lash out and at the end of the day tong was lashing out for any chance of survival. he needed a wake up call of catastrophic proportions to get his head on straight but throughout the show they did show us reminders of how much he loved may, little glimmers of who he was behind all of that, and by the end when he was able to find peace those traits shone through again.

and with ming i appreciated that he still felt like the same person. he was still an asshole, still rough around the edges, still who he was at the beginning of the show but his efforts were channeled elsewhere, his priorities changed, and he learned what he truly values out of life. joe didn't magically change ming, but he did alter his perspective and give him so much to consider.

i still cannot fathom the pain joe has to go through every day looking in the mirror and knowing he will never see his face looking back at him. the show teased little peeks of the affect this would have on his mental health and i wish it had maybe delved into that more but mental health is always a slippery slope.

for the grit and darkness of the show the ending felt a little too fairy tale for me but i was also kind of hoping joe didn't come back. i know, horrible of me, but if i was him? i don't think i would've come back. he had to be so, so tired and he'd been through so much, that part of me wanted to see that happen as a final nail in the coffin, a message that sometimes death comes for us no matter how hard we try to run from it, and sometimes death is a kindness at the end of a long and painful journey.

idk i'm also a slut for angst so ignore me.

i wasn't mad at the ending by any means, i enjoyed the little nods to potential side couples, i loved seeing things come full circle, loved joe's realization that while HE always saw himself as a stand in or someone overlooked everyone else remembers his past self fondly and he made an impression on them. in the end, so much of joe's self worth issues were his own insecurities exacerbated by ming's emotional abuse.

that being said, don't forget to tell people in your life how much they mean to you. it can mean a lot more to them than you can imagine.

definitely think MSI is my fav bl of 2024 so far, it was something unique and a little darker, more mature, all things i've been craving for a while.

[satellite-slickers]

some headcanon on Warframe creation and the like.

when we make a warframe we arent actually making a warframe, missions that give you warframe blueprints are actually you recovering actual parts of destroyed warframe from long ago.

we know that Natah talks a lot about how "tenno" are captured or found by various factions across the system, which to me reads as factions finding the remnants of warframes and hording them for whatever reason, and we're hunting them back down

we also know that a warframes are immortal in one of the highest calibers of the term, Umbra was im actual chunks when we found him and helminth had no trouble stitching him back together to the point the guy was ready to throw hands within no time at all

when you make the frame youre basically just giving everyones favorite sentient slime mold helminth the pieces of whoever it was that was destroyed in the past thousand years for whatever reason, along with whatever materials the thing needs to fix them up and get them going again

we know from Varzia that the Orokin would use aya and relics and whatever as basically the warehouse from the end of indana jones and the lost arc. anything they wanted to brush under the rug they would trap in the shrodingers cat weirdness of their relics, which raises some very interesting questions about why the prime frames were sealed away like that. We and the frames were their special little pet project super soldiers so why would they take the even better version of them and hide them away like that?

again, all of the warframes you can actually find in the system proper and recover are the baseline models, every single prime is from a relic, which again, the orokin used to hide things theyd rather forget existed.

I think the answer is that the orokin regreted making the primes, they werent controllable enough and they were afraid of them, so they locked them away and went back to making the less powerful frames, which were in use until we entered the second dream for a thousand years.

we know from the rhino delio that warframes weren't always passive and almost puppetlike as they are in the modern era, and balas himself says that our ability to preform transference with warframes is at its core because we are able to empathetically connect with the person inside the warframe and sync our minds with them, which doesn't mesh with the idea that our warframes except umbra are all mindless puppets.

I think the answer to what changed is just the sheer amount of time. the thousands of years between the old war and when natah wakes us up again isn't something that attention is given to but that is a monumental span of time. even for an immortal supersoldier. especially when you no longer have that mind meld connection with the godling whos void powers let you preform physics breaking feats.

i think that they just, as to quote jojo, "eventually, he stopped thinking".

they got broken, and were like that doe thousands of years, unlike umbra who was basically being constantly tortured with the memory of being forced to kill his own son and unable to go to sleep in the same way.

we give them to helminth to heal them and make them combat ready but they're still effectively in a coma, sleeping just like we used to be

[lloyds1fan]

Ninja habits

This is pretty much a post about habits I think the ninja would have or things that they would do in the show or my au, I might to do other people in the future but no promises :)

KAI: ○I think Kais eyes would get slightly brighter red then usual when he gets super angry or hurt. ○ Kai has slight burn scars on his hands from when he first got his power and weren't used to them (same with his dad Ray). ○ Kai is like a human heater, his body temperature is always warmer than a normal person's so he is always in the middle of the couch or cuddle pile with the ninja.

COLE: ○ I feel like Cole is the best at being intimidating out of all the ninja even though he is a huge cuddle bug.○ From his time being a ghost sometimes he forgets he's human again and tries to walk through a wall or something or and sadly has nightmares of dissappearing. ○ Cole has super good lower body strength as well as upper body strength from when he used to be a dancer and sometimes when he's playing music he starts dancing using some of the moves his dad taught him.

JAY: Jay has little lighting spark scars on his hands,wrists, and arms. (I know they have a proper name but I forgot it, I'm sorry) Nya calls Jay's lightning spark scars lightning kisses :). ○Jay and Cole sometimes curl eachothers hair out of boredom or for practice, and they both have little pins and trinkets they put in eachothers hair (I don't really ship bruise shipping but if you do thats all good :). ○ Jay and Nya often help eachother when they have nightmares because they mainly have nightmares abt Nadakan and the others don't know what happened.

ZANE: ○ Zane is the main healer/nurse/doctor for the team and helps treat their injuries after training or missions. He also gave all the ninja basic training on how to treat simple wounds. ○ When he is especially stressed or upset he accidentally creates thin layers of ice over and liquids nearby. ○ Zane and Lloyd always had a closer connection after Lloyd saved Zane from his ice emporer situation and so Lloyd often helps Zane when he has nightmares because of that (yes I believe Zane has nightmares and sometimes needs sleep (some sort of temporary shut down mode that's needed for whatever reason). ○ After missions Nya or Pixel helps him with his injuries if he can't take care of them himself. ○ Zanes eyes glow in the dark like Christmas lights and so when the other ninja run into him at night they get the scare of their lives because it's like waking up to a freddy fazbear in your house.

LLOYD: ○ Lloyd loves pillow mints and has his own secret stash of candy beneath the floor boards in his room. (He used to have one in the kitchen but then someone found it and kept stealing from it, he has no idea who though.) ○ He purrs when he's happy like a cat, him and garmadon have also hissed at eachother every now and then when angry at eachother. (He's also accidentally hissed at enemy's before and the other ninja find it very amusing) ○ Sometimes due to being part oni he feels the need to eat raw meat, (NOT HUMAN MEAT) so he often eats beef jerky or uncooked lunch meat because he finds it unsanitary and wierd (Zane tried to convince him it was normal and he wouldn't get sick because of it because hes part on but Lloyd didn't care.) ○ Lloyd is a VERY light sleeper during to a couple of reasons 1) When he used to live on the streets he was always alert just incase someone found him and tried to hurt or help him. 2) He is scared of enemy's coming to attack someone on the monastery 3) Because he is part oni his senses are a lot stronger than a normal person so he can hear super well so he wakes up easily when other people get up at night. ○ Lloyd's eyes glow in the dark and scare the life out of the other ninja when they run into him at night.

Thats all for now. (I think you can tell my favorite character from how long these are and my username and ig my entire account lol) Hope you enjoyed these! :)

[smallmartiniolive]

Thinking abt how Jurassic Park is like obviously abt chaos and the evils of mindless capitalism that destroys what it touches for a profit but also it’s abt the people you know? This is coming from the movie standpoint bc the book didn’t really check off the right boxes for me but the movies are just so inherently abt people and connection! To me

I’m gonna just give my thoughts abt mainly dinot3 bc they are something. So special. To me.

Imagine you’re Alan Grant, in love w dinosaurs and being in the field, ur at the top of your game and it doesn’t even matter as long as you get to study what you love. Then, unexpectedly! You get to share this passion and love w another person and part of you doesn’t understand why it works but that’s ok as long you get to dig up dinosaurs and be with her, Dr. Sattler (understandable

Imagine being Dr. Sattler and always chasing after something and wanting more. You find the love of your life and he doesn’t hold you back at all, he’s perfect! You both thrive in your own lanes! You get on a helicopter to who knows where and you meet this exciting new guy, you don’t love him, not like Grant but he’s exciting and new and you feel like he sees you for something you’re not even sure you see yourself

Imagine you’re Ian Malcolm and you’re made aware of people trying to remake dinosaurs and you know it’s impossible but you also know that life finds a way so you go along. You flirt w some paleontologists, have fun, berate the senselessness of the actions around you. I mean what else is there to do. Then, you get a life altering injury that’s gonna bug you forever and the last person you see is a person you hoped you got to save, who is risking his life to save children (I.e. Grant) and then suddenly you’re waking up to the face that saves you (I.e. Sattler).

And through that all, nobody comes out ok! There’s nightmares and injuries and assumedly they’re quarantined in a Costan Rican hospital till everything’s sorted and people are good to go. Alan and Ellie always find each other, planets in orbit etc, and of course Lex and Tim are connected to Alan after everything. The kids cling to them and they protect them, but also they at least have each other and are stronger for it, but it also makes them aware of how awful it would be to be alone right now- Ian Malcolm. So they all spend time together drifting in and out of hospital rooms (most commonly Ian’s bc he can’t move around much) and after all that they’re connected by shared experiences and the knowledge they can’t share. Pandora’s box and all that but they all end up woven together.

They separate but I’m sure it’s apparent that Malcolm ends up alone, not wanting to rely on anyone, especially not his ex-wives and kids cause that would be unfair and even in pain he’s still trying to protect other people. So they end up together again, how could they not? Malcolm needs help, they all do but that’s a touchy topic and it’s easier to focus on what they can see. Alan and Ellie and Ian finish up at the dig and Alan just wants everything to be the same so he can forget and Ian needs the change, but Ellie? She’s not really sure and it leaves her unsteady.

All at the same time you have Malcolm writing his book bc the truth was always what was most important to him, like Alan to dinosaurs. Alan doesn’t want him to ruin his life, and Ellie wants to support him but doesn’t know how but they coexist.

Ian gets better. He leaves w/ Sara a woman he met shortly after the hospital and whom he seems inexplicably fond of having witty banter with. He leaves so that when he publishes his book it doesn’t come down on them, he leaves because Ian Malcolm has never been one to want to settle down and he’s afraid of becoming complacent, that if he stops moving he’ll lose something critical (he’s shark-like, Ian).

And then the digs over and Alan’s ready to throw himself back into another, but Ellie simply isn’t. She gets a teaching position in another state, and Alan doesn’t ask her to stay but by god he wants to (just like he wanted to w Ian although he never had the chance bc he was gone so much quicker) and it’s the biggest mistake he ever makes.

Ellie leaves. Ian reconnects w his kids, reminded by Alan and Ellie how important family is and that hiding only does them a disservice. Alan digs.

They still stay relatively close, stuck in orbit even though they’re separated, they message and mail and spontaneously stop by when they’re in town (Ian). There’s distance but it’s not uncrossable, they’re still there for each other. They still call and those calls never go unanswered, no matter how late.

Ian goes to Isla Sorna and it’s shoved in his face that he’s changed, whether he wanted to or not. He wants something more stable, of course he still wants independence but he also wants to come home to *something* (he misses what he had w Alan and Ellie but he’s trying to avoid that iceberg). Alan and Ellie find out and it’s the beginning of an end, they fly out immediately and check in w him, and stay a few days. But. But Ian didn’t tell them, didn’t tell them abt something so critical to the three of them.

They grow a lil farther apart.

Alan goes back to work. Ian mutually splits w Sara (word is she and Nick have something weird going on when they aren’t traveling the world for respective careers)

Ellie marries Mark, the guy she met while teaching. He made her laugh and was a lil plain but she liked it (reminded her of Alan). Although Mark is different, he brings up kids on the third date and he’s everything she needs right now, he’s stable and kind and his job travels w him so she never has to worry which would take precedence (her or the job). He loves her for her or what she is right now and there’s something in the back of her mind but she loves him and they build a life together.

Ian meets a woman he can settle down with, an intellectual and a perfect mix of Ellie and Alan (although he doesn’t know it) and he settles down too, finally ready for that build-a-family lifestyle that he’s started to want. They have two kids (canon compliant due to the five kids comment in Dominion) probably around Ellie’s kids age, they probably have play dates. Alan doesn’t come around too much but he mails occasionally or helps set up furniture, but he’s undeniably pulling away.

Alan who couldn’t just ask people to stay, is alone and he’s become increasingly aware because of his new grad student. Billy Brennan is a mirror, he’s everything Alan was (admittedly more flirtatious tho) and Alan can’t do anything but nurture it because he wouldn’t even know how to change (because god knows he wants to). So he pulls away and focuses on work and at least w Billy he’s not alone and maybe maybe he can help him get on a better track (his version of accepting defeat)

Of course he doesn’t stop seeing Ellie or visiting w Ian over mail or the occasional spontaneous visit (couldn’t bring himself to) but he pulls away still. During play dates, Ian sneaks looks at Ellie’s calendar and will conveniently tell Alan when Marks out on business ( bc I refuse to believe Alan didn’t visit Ellie even tho Mark first meets him when Charlie is 2 so I believe he snuck on in cus it makes sense you know). Alan loves Ellie’s kids more than himself and probably bought Charlie his dinosaur toys (Ellie groans abt his taste but she knew it would happen and loves him anyway).

And then Alan, who has never really been alone but has isolated himself to that point, gets a chance to see dinosaurs again (he says it’s for the money but dinosaurs are what’s always made sense to him). He gets lost. He’s got no way out. He calls Ellie bc she’s always been his beacon of light, saving grace, Hail Mary etc etc. (Also him bringing Ian up to Eric bc that man has never been normal about *either* of them).

Ellie meets him at the hospital (maybe w Ian who knows) and Alan is made increasingly aware (between yelling and crying and thank gods) that he’s not alone he’ll never be alone as long as they’re around.

And after that they’re sort of ok. They have regular visits and there’s distance but they settle, they try. They bitch abt Jurassic World together and how all the kids they’ve collected are doing. One of Ian’s eldest going into paleontology bc she met Alan Grant at the age of 15 and it altered how she thought academically and Ian is exhausted. Ian and Ellie’s partners don’t really understand it but they also know not to interfere (even if sometimes frantic calls wake them up in the middle of the night).

Alan stays in his ways (hoping for a change but not seeking one).

Ian and his wife have a tiff bc she accused him of loving her bc he loves Alan and Ellie at least at first (still does in a different and perhaps more powerful way than her?) and he can’t lie bc it’s all the truth with him. He says it’s not fair to her to not know that Alan and Ellie are just his people, you get it. She doesn’t, not really, it only ever made sense to the three of them. They divorce but it’s amicable.

Ellie and Mark have been on the rocks for a little, they’re relationship has always been a bit boring but that was never a real problem. However, she wants to go out and do more field work (writing books was great but she’s ready for a change bc the world turns quick but she’s always moved faster). He wants to have an at home life and one thing spirals to another. She chose him bc he’d never need to choose between anything and she wouldn’t either, they could both have everything and he’s a great guy, but. But now she needs a change and once again she’s left in a situation where someone can’t bend for her, so she breaks it. They divorce and it’s heartbreaking, they love each other, but Ellie has always needed some flexibility (she calls Alan and Ian later on and they drop plans to have dinner together, she doesn’t bring up the break up but she does note how they changed things for *her*, it’s nice maybe they changed)

Maybe they’ve all changed a lil you know? Ian travels, lectures, makes connections, and visits w the people he loves. Ellie writes paper after amazing paper after amazing book between field work. Alan digs. They communicate in academic papers and books that they send each other, their love notes are annotations that feel a lil too raw so they’re kept private. Every new paper and book and interview fuels the three of them forward and keeps them in orbit. Despite everything.

Then, Ian is hired by Biosyn (Ellie encourages it a bit bc she doesn’t trust them, Alan discourages it for the same reason). And then they’re back, they are SO back. They come together to fight against what they’ve always had to fight against, it’s a lil exhausting but they have each other. Through it all it’s always them. Every single time. Alan and Ellie meet and see each other like they don’t see anyone else. It’s a little unfair to Ian because they’re prepared and his entire world gets flipped for a second when he sees them (it’s ok he recovers pretty quick). They fall in step, into old conversations and patterns.

And between taking down Biosyn and avoiding dinosaurs they all kind of fall in love, not again bc it’s always been that way for them but it’s just so so apparent. They can’t give each other up and everytime they look at each other there’s comfort and understanding without words. It was easier to deny a part but now they are here and it’s just so. Perfect

Ellie tells Alan she needs to go, she’s always been too fast for this world, Alan tells her he’ll stay which is the best love declaration she could have asked for.

Ian says he needs to tell the truth, he’s always had to, and they say “we’ll be with the you, we will tell the truth with you.” You know and that’s their love declaration, Thats them asking him to stay, to be with them.

And at the end of it all, Alan says in the end he’d just rather not be lonely again, and Ian and Ellie look at him like he’s absurd bc of course he’s stuck w them now. It’s always been them even if they didn’t realize it

OH MY GOD LOOOOONG POST IM SORRY IM NOT NORMAL AT ALL HAHA. Dinot3 is something I’m not normal about because look at their stories!! Look at how through everything they fit together!! They are in Montana somewhere rn having a beer and laughing abt something silly one of them did and talking abt their collective kiddos.

TLDR; just my thoughts on DINOT3 and just their canon timeline and how it’s always been those three.

[latenightsimping]

THE EDGE

“...There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who’ve gone over.” - Hunter S. Thompson, Hell’s Angels

Summary: A part of the deal to freedom included a stay at Pennhurst. It’ll take everything to keep the hope that one day the locked doors will open, the windows will no longer have bars that block the view, and that one day, the name Eddie Munson will be synonymous with the word ‘innocent’. The hope, he never realised, would also come to be synonymous with your name.

Chapter: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

Pairing: Eddie Munson x reader

Word count: 3.1k

Warnings: angst, heavy themes of inpatient treatment/hospitalisation, heavy themes of mental health, institutional deprivation of liberties, body injuries, mentions of suicidal ideation, themes of institutional abuse, can be a dark read (continue with that in mind, look after yourselves), canon divergence, Eddie survives the demobat attack, post-S4 timeline, slow burn romance, eventual smut, 18+, eventual fluff

AN: This was an idea that I’ve had for a little while, and finally getting around to writing it. There will be multiple chapters, and we’ll get to meet the reader in chapter 2. I’m pulling on many references, some of it being my own experiences of being in an inpatient facility a couple of times in my teenage years. Write what you know, and get some catharsis through angst relating to it, innit. I will say though, look after yourselves, and seek help if you need it. Inpatient sucked, but it’s what I needed to keep myself healthy and alive. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. And if you think it needs extra tags, please lemme know. I can see replies but cannot answer due to this being a sideblog, so keep that in mind. Anyway. Hope you enjoy.

Taglist: (lemme know if you wanna be added): @edsforehead​

Eleven vertical steel bars, five horizontal. eighty-seven bricks on the wall just past them. Sixty-four pinstripes on the pillowcase. One hundred and twenty one days since the last breath of fresh air. 

There’s only so much counting to be done, before you go as insane as they report you to be. 

Eddie had prided himself in independence, before everything went to shit. He could get up when he wanted, go to bed at a time of his choosing. Choose what clothes to wear, when he wanted to shower, what food he ate. But that had all been stripped away. A uniform of white was given to him on arrival. White undershirt, white button down and pants, white vans, white socks. A colour that he typically hated, now forced upon him with no room for argument. The food was shit, the attitude of the staff even worse. Bed so uncomfortable that what little sleep he could manage with the screams and yelps of the damned ringing in his ears, he would always wake up with a soreness that could never be taken away. 

He thought he’d witnessed hell. Skies of red and thunder, twisted vines and flapping of wings and razor sharp teeth. But this? 

This was worse.

He had woken up bathed in bright light, and for a second he wondered if this was Heaven. Only took a couple of seconds to realise that it was likely that the promised paradise wouldn’t smell of disinfectant and have incessant beepings of heart monitors. A couple of times in his life, he had been in handcuffs. Drug related charges that Hopper had conveniently lost the paperwork for, letting him go with a stern talking to and a slap on the wrist. But this time? This time, the steel that connected him to the bedframe of the hospital bed felt permanent. He was lucky to be alive, according to the doctors, who told him with disgust evident in their features. It should have been you who died, was clear to translate from furrowed brows and the thin press of their lips. Eddie couldn’t help but agree with them sometimes. Nurses would often ‘forget’ to give him the pain medication prescribed, leaving him in a near constant state of agony. 

The demobats had really done a number on him; lacerations and chunks of flesh torn from the left hand side of his body, trailing up his neck and ending on his jawline and cheek. More on the right pectoral muscles, the backs of his hands, forearms and upper bicep. If he wasn’t facing the barrel of the death penalty, he would have cracked a joke about losing his nipple. Each and every wound was a constant ache, his jaw near permanently set to grinding his teeth to bear with it. Only when Wayne was finally allowed to visit, hollering his lungs out about how much pain his boy was in, was he finally given those syringes of relief that he so desperately craved for. Not for long, only until they decided to neglect him again. But those moments were the reprieve that were sorely needed.

It had been Hopper’s idea to turn himself in and feign insanity, when he had visited his bedside. Something about a plan, and that he would just need to hang tight for someone high in the food chain to be contacted to fix the mess. He was promised that the chief of police would make sure he wouldn’t go to jail. Just to have trust, have faith, and repeat the words told to him to plead insanity. He couldn’t remember anything past the point of letting Chrissy into the trailer. He couldn’t remember killing Fred Benson or Patrick McKinney. Couldn’t remember attacking Max Mayfield, putting her in the hospital. Couldn’t remember how he got hurt. Deny, deny, deny. It had been easy to convince the cops that he’d lost his mind; easy enough that it was borderline insulting. The last of Vecna’s victims had wounded him to find out about, and had nearly caused him to lose face. He didn’t know Red well, but he’d seen her around the trailer park, looking as lost and broken as he did at that age. Got to know her better over the time they spent together, and had admired the strength and tenacity that was in her, too much of those qualities for a fifteen year-old to carry. He just prayed to a God that he didn’t believe in that she’d pull through. 

Many years ago, he had made a promise to himself not to ever turn out like his father. That waste of space that chose drugs over his own flesh and blood. But getting processed in what remained of Hawkins police station, ink still damp on his fingertips as he clutched the name board while his picture was taken, that’s exactly how it felt. The hospital booted him as soon as he was medically stable, no doubt not wanting to harbour a serial killer in the halls that were meant for healing. At least he could be thankful that the station was only a detour, a short stop to what would be his home for God knows how long. 

Pennhurst Mental Hospital. 

In four months, life had blurred into a monotony that was barely endurable, with no end in sight. He was afforded no luxuries; the cell he was kept in made up of nothing more than necessities. Bed, sink and toilet, desk and a chair. No windows, and the only view past his bars being a dirty grey brick wall.He’d counted the cracks in it the first week in. Counted the ones on the ceilings in the second week. The rest of the time had been spent packing back and forth, like that tiger he’d once seen at some shit zoo. The lack of fresh air had suffocated him long ago. He could swear that he hadn’t taken a deep breath since Chrissy’s body flung itself to the ceiling.

It was the boredom that was the thing that was slowly poisoning him the fastest. The unending, unyielding, mind numbing boredom. Where all he had was his thoughts, and no possible escape from them. Thoughts of the past and the future threatening to pull him under, to drown him in regrets and missed opportunities. He was going to finally graduate from high school. Corroded coffin could have gone somewhere. He was going to start a new campaign for Hellfire. He was planning to finally move out of the trailer, and into a place of his own. Back and forth, the rumination so intense it made his head spin. Made him pace even harder, until he was near the point of over exertion. The only outlet for a man that barely ever stood still in his life.

 A nurse that must have had a shred of humanity left passed a book through his bars the first couple of weeks in, evidently having enough sense to realise there was no possible way for him to do damage to himself or others with it, and most likely sick of the sound of rubber soles against cement. The Count of Monte Christo was a book that he vaguely remembered from school, no doubt an essay that he didn’t hand in considering he’d never read it in his life. But by this point? He could have recited it in his fucking sleep. 

It was during another countless repeat of reading it that his attention was caught by the calling of his last name, a loud bang of a fist hitting metal that snapped him out of whatever dissociation he found himself lost in. Snapping his head towards the sound, he was met with the unkind face of one of the orderlies, one that seemed to have it in for him since getting here. Eddie had heard him be called Bradford before. He must have caught the confusion on Eddie’s face, considering he followed it up with an eye roll. 

“Get your ass over here,” was the gruff response he got, the jingling of keys audible as the one to his cell drove home into the cylinder. “Must be your lucky day.” 

Though there were multiple questions ruminating in Eddie’s mind, he knew better to push his luck. Gift horse in the mouth, and all that. The steps he took towards the door were methodical; slow and steady, as if it was all one sick prank, getting him into trouble and thrown into the solitary confinement cells that he’d been borderline threatened with multiple times. 

A firm hand planted to his chest stopped him in his tracks, the contact to the still healing scars making him wince and take a sharp breath. It was instinct to lower his eye contact upward, though it quickly dropped to the floor as the man loomed over him. “Any trouble, so much as one foot out of step, and I’ll make it my fucking mission to put you back in here. Do I make myself clear?” the man warned under his breath. The smell of stale coffee and cigarettes hitting him square in the face, making his stomach churn. 

Swallow down the disgust and agony, as much as it hurts, the reasonable voice inside him whispered. Don’t do anything stupid. In another life, he would have given this figure of authority hell. A sarcastic quip heavy on his tongue, a middle finger to those who wanted him under their boot. 

But this wasn’t that life. And he needed to play it smart. 

“Crystal, sir,” he mumbled, fight well and truly snuffed out from the system that wanted him locked up and the key thrown away. 

It seemed to have appeased the orderly, for now. The man took sure steps towards the exit, Eddie following his heels at a close yet respectable distance. Head lowered, frizzy curls now wild and unruly falling like a curtain in front of his face. It was near laughable to him that the ability to walk in a straight line further than ten feet was now a luxury. Could finally properly stretch his legs, though the destination was still a mystery. 

The shift from dim lighting to sunshine with the ascension of a set of stairs that he’d only travelled down once made his eyes screw near closed on instinct, turning his head away from the windows that let it in. Once upon a time, he enjoyed sunny days. Like the feeling of sun on his skin, and the wind in his hair. Nowadays he didn’t even know what season it was. 

Being led through winding corridors, for the first time he saw other patients, all eyeing him with paranoid looks. He couldn’t blame them. But he could feel the tendrils of fear beginning to grip at his gut. Would he end up like these people eventually? How long would it take? A couple of months? Years? A subtle shake of his head as he tried to dislodge the thoughts. He couldn’t think like that. Hopper promised he’d be out of here soon. He just had to have hope. 

The orderly came to a stop in front of a door, deep green and paint chipping off with age. The nameplate on the front gave him pause, when he finally spared a glance at it. DR. EDITH MILLER, etched onto the brass. He’d had meetings with Dr. Miller since he got here. Once a week, the nosey bitch would try and get information that didn’t even seem relevant. He’d managed to evade some of the questions, embellished the truth on others. But if he was being summoned to her office? This couldn’t be good. 

The orderly’s knuckles rapped on the door three times, a call of “enter,” being audible seconds later. Eddie was ushered inside, the homely looking woman with already greying hair barely looking up at him from her paperwork as she motioned with the pen in her hand towards the chair nearest to them. At least in his cell, he was somewhere that he knew back to front. This was completely different, completely new, and his nerves were already on edge as he shuffled inside. 

“Need me to stay?” Bradford asked, hand still grasping the door handle as his eyes flickered around the room. No doubt his mind was already thinking of possibilities of what could happen with a suspected murderer left alone in a room with a defenceless woman. The thought of people thinking that he was capable of atrocities weren’t new, but it still made Eddie sick to the core. 

“That won’t be necessary,” she replied, hazel eyes finally shifting upwards to look at the two men. Her monotone voice gave nothing away, face devoid of any emotion either. Bradford faltered for only a second, before Eddie finally heard the door close behind him. Only then was he given the barest hint of a polite smile as she motioned her hand towards the chair again, to which he obliged out of the need to be polite. “How are you feeling this week, Eddie?” she asked, head slightly tilted. 

She was the only one to call him the name he preferred. Everyone else just called him Munson. He wasn’t stupid; he knew it was a ploy to get him to trust her. Make him comfortable with small signs of respect, though it was likely she didn’t in the slightest. His hands settled on his lap as he fidgeted with his fingers, eyes glued to the worn tiles of the linoleum and absentmindedly counting the cracks. “Fine,” he replied, the word devoid of any emotion or energy. 

The truth would be sharing too much; the fear of being honest bringing the risk of even more restrictions under the guise of safety. There wasn’t a delicate way of saying “I want to close my eyes and never wake up some days.” 

He heard scrawls of the pen, no doubt more notes that would dig him a grave of pills and cell bars. A pregnant pause before she spoke again, and an intake of breath. “And how are you feeling with the medication changes? Is your mood still low?”

He had to bite his tongue, to stop his lips turning up into an incredulous smile. The truth again being evaded in the answer. “Fine,” he repeated, this time with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “The pills make me feel sick every hour of the day, make me into more of a ghost than I already am.” 

Another scratch of ink on paper. “Your case was brought forward to the panel this morning. We’ve decided that we should ease your restrictions, given that there’s been no record of violent tendencies to yourself or others since the time you’ve been with us.” 

That made his ears perk up, the sparks of hope threatening to ignite in his chest. Head snapping up to finally make eye contact with the good doctor, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What does that mean?” 

Her eyes studied his face for a few heartbeats, a small smile gracing her features, one that seemed to be an attempt at easing anxieties. “It means we’ve decided to move you to a medium security wing. It comes with certain privileges, but also with expectations, Eddie.” 

The words coming out of her mouth seemed to blur together, becoming a background noise to his rapidly beating heart. He was finally getting out of the damnation he had been trapped in, perhaps finally allowed into the light. To be able to breathe lungfuls of outside air from a crack in a window, to not have to sleep just to evade the hollow boredom. It was relief; as if the hand of an angel had reached into the pits of hell, to bring him to salvation. And if that hand was one of the likes of Miller, he’d clasp it with both hands and not let go until the end was in sight.

“-we’ll still need to see improvement to give you certain privileges, but we can play it by ear. How does that sound?” Her voice finally tuned back in, a little hazy at the edges, tears of joy and relief threatening to fall from his eyes. 

“When can I go? When do I move?” he blurted, the only question that mattered. Fuck, if she’d asked him to crawl through broken glass right now, he’d do it with a fucking smile on his face. 

Her eyes flickered downwards as her wrist came up, a brief glance to her wristwatch as she pulled herself to a stand. “You’re just in time for recreation, and there’s no time like the present.” She rounded the desk, taking sure steps to the door and looking back. “Shall we?”

It was instinct to move as fast as his legs could take him, quickly snuffed out with the realisation of where he was. Slow, sure movements, make yourself as least threatening as possible. Keep hands visible at all times, open and by his sides. Three steps away from the doctor, passing many twists and turns of the corridor and being led through multiple sets of steel doors, until one was finally opened for him that he was expected to step through alone. 

It wasn’t until the door slammed behind him that he finally looked up to take in his surroundings. Chipped and scuffed beige linoleum tiles, walls in just as sorry a state. Large windows that bathed the room in natural sunlight, though the bars on the windows were a reminder of where he truly was. A couple of tables and chairs dotted around the room, most occupied with other patients. Who seemed to be in various stages of lucidity. A couple of benches, some more chairs crowded around an ancient TV. 

In any other situation, he would call this place what it was; an abject shithole. Somewhere he wouldn’t be if you paid him. But recent events had changed his mindset, had lowered his expectations until the bar was practically on the floor. This was a damn palace, compared to his last recent address. It had the lack of staleness in the air, albeit now replaced with bleach and something he couldn’t place. It had space, and light. 

It had hope. 

But with the luxury of choice, came the immobilising aspect to it. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Where was he going to sit, or do? Strike up conversation and hope that the person didn’t know about what had put him here in the first place? 

He was still making his choice when he heard a voice. A woman, tone bored yet slight amusement playing on the words. 

“Are you just going to stand there? You’re making the place look untidy.”

[anlian-aishang]

SNK Men - Rebounding After You - Eren, Armin, Jean, Levi, Erwin, Reiner, Zeke

// exes!snk x ex!reader, angst, semi-smut, alcohol mention, smoking cigarettes, gn!reader // read also: Rebounding With You

Eren

He was upfront about it: happenstance to some, intentionally to others. 

His roommates noticed how your socks had disappeared from the dryer. Friends saw old sweatshirts return to his outfit rotation. Prescriptions and ripped photographs rested on overfilled trash bags. A box of condoms readily and shamelessly displayed on his nightstand. 

To his rebounds, that was neither the most explicit nor first indication of his intentions. In the club: a hand to the wall, his fingers beneath their chin, a harsh kiss. On the pullback: “Listen,” he would snarl, “I am fucking to forget.” Eren recognized that his words drew mixed reactions, some nervous laughs, some lip bites, but always the enthused yes when he asked if they would like to come home with him.

Stripping them free of their clothes, his haste was interpreted as rampant desire, a need. Their minds snowballed at the thought of how much he needed them, but really, what he needed was evidence - evidence that they’re better than you were. Their waist, more delectable, right? Their taste, sweeter, right? The passion, the sex, the kiss, all better…right?

Each night, with his partner passed out beside him, he would take in their moonlit features. Even with the stars twinkling, their blissed sleeping face, dressed only in sheets, he recognized: no, they’re not better. 

Throwing his arm over his head, he was faced with his forearm tattoo: Forward. No matter how many times he drew those backward comparisons, it would not stop his routine - not until he found that someone better than you. Eren knows they’re out there.

Armin

Armin knew better. He knew better. Plenty of fish in the sea. Bigger things in life. He was in his twenties, still a whole life ahead of him. No matter how many times he told himself that, though, it did not fix his feelings. The brain and the heart, although connected, were not the same. His thoughts immaculately logical, his heart stubbornly refused conversion. 

Still, he was not a defeatist. He made sure to try new things and see old friends. Waking up early, catching the sunrise with a book in hand. Every Wednesday, trying a new spot for lunch. Thursday nights, an old bar with his hometown buddies. On his calendar, he crossed off each day, and soon, it was visibly apparent how long it had been since his split with you. 

Shortly after, the glow of his new healthy habits began to radiate. Neighbors wondered who the slender silhouette was at 5 AM in that window sill. His coworker asked him for his restaurant recommendations, wondered if he could show them how to get there. That one regular heard both his intelligent speech and sacred laughter from across the lounge, and after a few drinks, yearned to grow closer. 

More Xs on the calendar, more and more attention towards the wallflower. He was never and never will be a player, but at last there was proof to his theory: plenty of fish in the sea made you seem like less and less of a catch. 

Jean

Fingers made fists in his hair. Tears fell, landing on his jeans, seeping through to his skin. He was not mad at you, not at all. You insisted it was you, not him, but yeah, right. Someone as nice as you, of course you would say that. 

Uncharacteristically, he slammed his hand down against his mattress. Mad at himself, he couldn’t stand being in his own skin. Between sobbing breaths, “You fucking idiot.” Another punch. How could you let them get away? 

You had taught him how to love himself - which was why, after you left, all he could think was that he needed you back. What he really needed, though, came along with time. The classmate who noticed he was confused and tipped their notes towards his direction. The staff who called him after he left his credit card behind at their establishment. The patron who saw him sitting alone and asked if they could take a seat. One by one, using the lens you gifted him, he began to notice how loved he was -  even by complete strangers.

But there were more than just strangers in his life, and when those more intimate found out that he was single, they were eager to show him more than you ever could. They grabbed his hand in public, kissed him long and hard, cherished his body - prioritizing his happiness as much as their own. In the lows of his self-esteem, every act of affection felt like a new high. He thought he had the best in you - and maybe he had - but after feeling his worst, the tiniest efforts of others make everything feel better, including the broken heart you left. 

Levi

Stupid. Fucking stupid. This whole dating thing, he was better off on his own. He had known that all along, but had suffered a lapse in judgment when he first saw you back then. A momentary mistake that evolved into a year-long regret.

It took a few days for him to fold your clothes and box them up. It took much longer for him to get over you. Levi would rather die than talk to anyone about it, but his friends could soon enough tell. He holed up - even more than usual, rejected their invites, and after a while, your split was all but communicated. 

Having had enough, of course it was Hange to arrive on his doorstep. Knocking incessantly. As soon as he opened the door, Hange snatched his wrist and threw him in their passenger seat.  

Angry, but no tears left to cry. “Are you out of your goddamn mind?!”

Sharp jam of the child-safety locks. “I have someone I want you to meet.”

That someone just similar enough. If he was a man of faith, he could have sworn it was you reincarnated. But with the same pull he experienced on your first date, he was beginning to become a believer. 

When he kissed them, he thought of you. When he fucked them, he felt you. Pleasure - so fucking good - drowned out the drone of his underlying doubts: Another mistake. Another mistake. 

Erwin

Workaholic. It was his means of survival after the death of your relationship. At the same time, it was the cause. A clusterfuck he had yet to understand. So much time away, whether he truly was at the office or having external affairs, that was not the crux of your downfall. The passage of time was cruelest, a seemingly miniscule aspect was deeply wicked: drawing wild thoughts and exponential anxiety. Nights that he came home just a couple hours late, they blew up with a break-up. Before he knew it, it was all over.

Now that there was no you to return to, he had no real reason to get home at reasonable hours, and oh - how he had searched for one. Unfortunately, though, it came to this point: a duffel bag with overnights hidden under his desk and a pile of take-out containers threatening to peek over his garbage bin. 

So far, it had not been affecting his work performance. Neither clients nor his superiors had noticed the changes after you left. 

There was one coworker, though. 

The city had just gotten past rush hour. In the background, occasional honks and sirens made their voice sound more heavenly, “Hey, Erwin.” Fingers curled around his door frame. A hand effortlessly on their hip. “Burning the midnight oil again, huh?”

Pen in hand. Hand on cheek. Erwin glanced up from paperwork that suddenly felt meaningless. A low smile encouraged more.

“Before you know it, the sun will be up.” A couple sauntering steps brought them into his office, “What say we hit happy hour before then?”

Now that there was no you, “Why not?”

That was what he told himself each step of the way. When they leaned in for the first kiss, why not? When they invited him to spend the night, why not? When their lease was up and they proposed moving in, why not? What he never asked himself, though, was why? Why them? Busying himself, the worker bee never let that question come to mind, for if he had, he would have to reconcile: because they were not you. 

Reiner

He swore, he swore he would never find anyone after you. A pain that deep. The belly aches. The empty bottles surrounding his bed. The nights he had woken in a cold sweat, hoping it was just a bad dream: he would reach over, feel you there, and find reassurance. Only thing: you weren’t there, not anymore. Reiner vowed to never love anyone again.

But with each day came new leniency. The barista at his coffee shop, serving java and a smile: a break from relationships, at least a year. The tailor of his jacket, measurements taken in the most agitating places: when the time is right, you’ll know. The new hire who clung to him throughout all of orientation: things will go differently.

In just a month, the never find anyone after you evolved to never to love anyone the way I loved you which finalized: never to love anyone like you.

At last, a vow and a break-up that he could live with. One that became preferable. Appreciation garnered each time they kissed him, hugged him, caressed him. He began to forget the sound of your voice, the feel of your skin. His scars began to heal, hesitation left behind. From I want to take things slow. To you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.

Wasn’t it you who had said those same words to him? But it was getting harder and harder to remember those promises, that relationship, everything about you.

Zeke

The smoker turned chain. Sharp tongue turned silent. A beard unkempt, just like his apartment: he had not shaved since you left, had not even thought about cleaning. Even when the ashtray overflowed, even when every article of clothing had gone wrinkled, he did not raise a finger. If not for the smell of tobacco, it would be your perfume still in his sheets. If he did the laundry, he would have to sort yours. Snapping and shutting his lighter, glasses glared with the flickering flame: he wasn’t ready for that.

Others were ready, though. The biggest, tallest, cockiest tease in city limits was newly available. And if scrubbing the traces of you was something he could not do, there were a dozen on the block who would play a French maid to help him out with that task, however innocently.

He did not wear innocence well. He did not search for it in others. What he came to appreciate, though, were the lights and buzzes of his phone: Heard about what happened. Here for you for whatever you need. Depending on who was on the other end, whatever he needed could be anything from a pat on the back to a hand around his cock. If you had not blocked his number, his victorious impulses may have let you know: he was getting plenty of the latter, getting over you one night at a time.

// masterlist //

[2lisa-quinn2]

Okay, I know that people probably started to talk about it already, but I just can’t stop thinking about it.

It’s about the whole “Dazai left Sigma behind” thing.

Dazai didn’t forget about Sigma. That would be a very weird and bitch move from him if he would. After all, Dazai was really keeping his promise about taking Sigma out of prison alive, which he was doing. I mean, Dazai literally had a reason why he took Sigma with him, so they won’t get killed by Fyodor and Nikolai. He helped them to not drown under the water and also saved them from falling down an elevator. Plus, Dazai is trying to become a better person, and help people, which he was doing during the series (even though he was annoying at times and he was doing some horrible things in the past. He even himself thinks, that all this stuff doesn’t suit him at all. But he’s trying to become a better person and help people, mostly because Oda was the one who told him to do so. Seriously, if it wasn’t Oda, Dazai would still be stuck in Mafia.) It would make sense for him to leave someone who was a person that was doing a horrible actions behind, he wouldn’t care about that person at all. But he wouldn’t leave people he cares about behind. Even though he and Sigma knew each other for only a day (well, less than a day), Dazai still wouldn’t leave them behind, because again, he made a promise, and because Dazai wants to help this who are good, those who need help.

I think the reason why we didn’t see Dazai and Chuuya have Sigma’s body with them, is because they had to get an antidote and also finally put an end to Fyodor. It would make more sense, since they didn’t have much time to try to find Sigma (especially when they might be on the floor which is far away from them.) The only time they had is to only to put a splint on Dazai’s leg and that’s it. If they would go look for Sigma, it would take a little longer and Dazai would’ve (for real) die from the poison.

Maybe I’m being too hopeful, but it’s just feels wrong for Dazai to leave Sigma behind. There is possibility, that he could maybe think that Sigma had escaped the prison and is safe now, but that’s only a maybe.

I just don’t want Dazai to end up looking like another person who manipulated and used Sigma, but only this time at the end is being like, “oh? You got that info on a Russian rat that I needed? Yeah uh…I kinda don’t really need anymore. Sorry :D”

The other thing I think, is that if Sigma is being unconscious and will never wake, that would be a very fucked up. It would just feel like Sigma was wasted as a character, without fulfilled goals, having a character development, and getting a better ending. (Okay, I’m being a little too hopeful again when it comes to a good ending, but they deserve a good ending, okay.) Even though Sigma’s information on Fyodor won’t be used anymore (but who knows, it might become useful cause…you know…maybe some characters might raise from the dead out of nowhere..), still, it doesn’t mean that their arc should end there. Being unconscious in the prison in Europe which is somewhere in the middle of the fucking ocean.

Its also not really in bsd style to forget about certain relationships with character, and also waste it and characters, or every detail that shows up even for a few seconds. After all, all the things are connected to each in some way in the story. So I’m pretty sure that Sigma will still have their story being continued. There’s still some things that are not answered about his character, like who wrote them down on the book and why, what will they do now and how they will continue develop as a character.

So conclusion is….Dazai and Chuuya will pick up Sigma and they all three will come back to Yokohama.

(Wonder how long will it take, since there will be another bullshit that’ll happen 2 hours later.)

[howlsofbloodhounds]

ooooh interesting thoughts about stage 1. ironically, killer is his own worst enemy. i wonder if he just subconsciously goes into stage 2 as a defense mechanism so as not to think or feel about the things he's done. is he just constantly in stage 2 the whole time under cross' monitoring period? maybe he only lets himself be vulnerable in stage 1 around color.

and the selective amnesia!! oooooh the angst!! stage 1 doesn't have any idea about what's happening. is he dreaming? is he hallucinating? because color wouldn't do that to him, surely. i wonder if he sometimes thinks he's back in nightmare's grasp, and all the happy times he has with color are just happy dreams he has. that kinda implies that stage 2 is the one in the most lucid state, and i don't know what to think about it tbh.

also delta anon is so true. i'm imagining delta just holds color's shoulder and goes "i think we're gonna have to kill this guy", like the meme lol. i think cross wouldn't mind that either, but dream would be so disappointed so he would try the talk-and-rehab route. though, with this huge bump in the recovery road, i think most people in cross' advisory circle would suggest cutting killer from color indefinitely. at least until killer can actually accept help, which he truly needs. color needs some therapy after all this too, and it's really uncertain if he will forgive killer once he gets professional help and realizes objectively how much killer fucks him up.

~ crowshipping anon

damn :( (please dont kill him we need him alive for the angst and hopefully the healing process)

imagine this story from stage 1’s perspective. the confusion, the pain, the disbelief mixed with moments of relief. maybe he even just convinces himself all the good parts are a wonderful dream he never wants to wake up from.

..what do yall think was the most impactful or “severe” lessons. either that killer taught to color or color gave to him (with killers prompting). what was the worse punishment.

..did he make color punish him for showing emotion. like color comes to dread the mornings after taking care of stage 1 because st2 will immediately start provoking him to punish killer for daring to be upset or scared or in pain or for trying to get away from colors touch.

and did he stay in stage 2 throughout the whole monitoring process? i know hed definitely try, but did he succeed. was that apart of one of cross’ goals—try to coax him into stage 1, trying to pry some slimmer of truth of what’s going on in killers head. did color have to give tips and ideas on how to provoke it (or did killer come to a conclusion that color was commanding him to be in stage 1) (I wonder if that’s another form of punishment killer used to have with nightmare)

and will cross and killers’ dynamic develop with having to be in close proximity—especially when killer really fucking feels threatened by cross right now (doesnt help that cross is another connect to nightmare in killers mind).

how is colors therapy going? Will nightmare somehow learn word of all this and try to get in contact with color somehow—either just to mock him, offer to “take killer off his hands,” or even give tips on how to better handle killer…what if thats been happening for awhile even before cross and the others interfered. and its so disturbing how likeminded killer and nightmare can be even without having any contact.

what is the moment out of this entire thing that will stick with color the most. what is one specific part that he just can’t forget or stop thinking about