#but I also think its really funny to think of he tian just giving him several pairs of fully open pants

[motianz]

Do you guys ever think like, in the future He Tian is probably the one who knows more about high end clothing stores (bc let's be honest he wouldn't take Mo to normal stores) and he probably constantly gives Mo gifts from them so like

At some point Mo just looks at his clothes and is like, "Hey Ht don't you think clothes nowadays are really skimpy?"

And Ht just

"Idk honey, anyway here's another totally normal pair of pants that give me full access to your upper thights"

(Plus as many belts and straps as a person can possibly wear)

[realbeijinger]

Another semi-coherent rant on climate change, the value of idealism, and TGCF (I finally finished!)

Well, I finished Tian Guan Ci Fu. And, oh man, if you read my last post, you’ll know that I was terrified that the entire novel would be a criticism of blind idealism. But I am SO glad I was wrong!!! Looking back on what I wrote before… it’s kind of hilarious how worried I was. I was so sure that I knew where it was going, was so busy preparing myself to be offended/emotionally crushed, that I wouldn’t even entertain the idea that maybe MXTX had a similar worldview to me all along.

In my defense, aside from the line, “Something like saving the common people… although foolish, it is brave,” everything seemed to point toward the idea that trying to do good is pointless. I mean, up until the moment when Xie Lian was lying with a sword in his chest on the streets of Yong’an, all of his efforts to do good had essentially been in vain. He hadn’t been able to help anyone.

And then, when the one guy stopped and gave Xie Lian his hat, I dunno, I just cried. It was so perfect! Like, ugh, damn you, MXTX! So sneaky… destroying us, just to bring us back later!! It was such a small, insignificant win, but it was exactly what Xie Lian (and I) needed. I love the line, “Just one person was enough!” Just one person doing something selfless. It’s enough to give us hope.   

It really resonates with me because I think a lot about how to maintain hope. In terms of the climate crisis, I feel like Xie Lian—completely powerless. I want to stop eating meat, use less plastic, spend more time on environmental activism, but honestly, what do any of these things matter? The meat industry is not going to change because I choose to stop consuming. Even my activism has a completely negligible effect—whether or not I join a protest or write a letter to my congressman will almost certainly not be the deciding factor for any climate legislation, no matter how much effort I put in.  

And yet, I still want to. I love the moment when Xie Lian chooses to get stabbed over and over rather than create a second plague of Human Face Disease, and White No-Face asks him in shock, “Why??”—as in, why would you ever do that? And Xie Lian responds: “I don’t have a reason—just because I want to! Even if I explained it to you… Useless trash like you wouldn’t understand.” This line is so great. Xie Lian can’t explain it to White No-Face, because, in truth, it isn’t entirely logical. It can’t be explained by reason. I want to do my measly, unimportant part to help the world… because I want to. Because it feels right. Because it’s my way of keeping my heart, of maintaining faith that there is some good in this world worth upholding. (As an aside, I love how the English title of the live action drama—which we may never get to see, God damn censorship!!!!—is called “Eternal Faith.” Of course it refers to Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s faith in each other, but I think it also means having eternal faith in the value of doing good, despite centuries of experience that seem to show its pointlessness.)

As I talked about in my last post, if you zoom out far enough, nothing really seems to matter. Everything we love and care about will one day be gone. And yet, I believe we still have to act like it matters. This is the basic tenant of existentialism, and I think MXTX portrays this philosophical paradox really beautifully.

It’s funny, because I think MXTX has a lot of profound things to say, but in an interview I read, she warned against viewing her work too deeply, saying, “I am not a guru.” I get that she may not want the responsibility of giving people spiritual advice, but I do think she presents some really fascinating, really novel, philosophical ideas. So, sorry MXTX, but I’m about to analyze TGCF like it’s a piece of freakin scripture. Soo here we go…

The main theme she comes back to again and again is that fortune is limited, so the only way you can do good for others is by taking fortune from somebody else. Which leads the characters to a bunch of ethically impossible choices: the people of Yong’an and the people of Xianle can’t all be saved (Xie Lian must choose who to help), neither can the people of Wuyong and the surrounding kingdoms (Prince of Wuyong must choose), and Shi Wudu can’t save his brother from a tragic fate without taking fortune from an innocent person. When the characters try to avoid choosing, and try to “play God” by creating a “third path,” it just invites disaster.

But is this really true? Is fortune actually limited? It’s an idea that reminds me of Buddhism and Daoism, but also seems kind of revolutionary… (I like to think I know something about Chinese philosophy but it could certainly be a thing and I don’t know). I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe in limited resources, and the idea that nature tends toward balance. I think conceiving of it this way, as a pool of fortune, is really interesting.   

It reminds me of this Meme:

In other words, who is the protagonist and who is the villain is entirely based on perspective. And, according to the laws of nature, we all must survive by eating others, or causing others to starve (i.e. avoiding being eaten).

I tried to think if this is really true in all areas of life. I’m a teacher, and one of the ways I convince myself that I am doing good in the world is by helping my students—preparing them well for college so that they can get into good schools and follow their dreams. But then, is this just taking fortune from others? If I do prepare my students well, and as a result they all get into top universities, does that mean they are taking spots away from other students? Am I simply just helping “my own,” at the expense of others?

One place where I see this concept play out very clearly is with our modern, industrialized society. As I mentioned in my last post, we live in a world of abundance. Most of us have enough food to eat, live in houses with electricity and running water, and don’t worry about a whole host of diseases endured by our ancestors. It seems we have done what Xie Lian couldn’t—we have expanded the well of fortune for most of humanity.

But this fortune wasn’t spontaneously created. It was taken from other species. It was borrowed against our own future, when climate change will likely destroy this world of abundance we have created, causing untold suffering. In truth, when it comes to prosperity, there is no such thing as a free lunch.   

Even now, when we ought to be enjoying our fortune, most of us are not happy. We want other things. We take food, clothing, and shelter for granted, creating even bigger, more lofty demands—a bigger car, a better house, a machine that’s sole purpose is to make bread. In fact, it seems like whenever we make things “better,” the goalposts just move. I recently read a book called Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, which mentioned that with the advent of washing machines and vacuum cleaners, everyone assumed there would be more free time. Yet, the real outcome was that standards of cleanliness just changed. Suddenly, people expected you to wear fresh clothes every day and have a perfectly dust-free home, which meant spending just as much time cleaning as in the past.     

And according to psychologists, getting what we want doesn’t really make us happier. Instead, something like getting a promotion causes our happiness to spike, before it quickly returns to baseline. The psychologist Dan Gilbert writes that the purpose of our emotions is to act like a compass—to tell us which direction to go in. If you feel good, you can continue the way you are going. If you feel bad, you should probably turn—make a change. But if you get what you want and become permanently happy, your compass is now broken. It’s stuck in one direction and becomes useless.

All of this is very Buddhist, of course. Suffering is not caused by our external circumstances, but our desire to change them.

Like I said, I don’t necessarily believe in “fate” or “fortune.” But I believe this all points to something deeper that MXTX is getting at: which is that we cannot fundamentally make a better world, for the common people, or for anyone. This idea of “better” doesn’t really exist. The world is as it is. Trying to alter that is like playing God. And like Xie Lian says, “In this world, there are no true gods…”  

So, what do we do? How can we survive this absurdist tragedy of life? I don’t think we can just throw up our hands and not give a shit—that way lies depression and Jun Wu-style cruelty. We cannot lose our heart. But we also can’t try to fix everything.

One thing I find a bit difficult about MXTX is she is very clear about the impossible situations our characters find themselves in, but not really clear about the solution. She seems critical of the characters’ actions (I’m thinking also of Wei Wuxian here), but what exactly does she think they should have done? In other words, what is the point?

I spent a long time thinking about this. And I realized that Xie Lian was able to get back on his feet, find happiness and make peace with himself. How did he do this? Ultimately, I see Xie Lian’s solution as having three parts: self-sacrifice, gratitude, and purpose. Which all sounds very academic and maybe not that profound on an emotional level. But hear me out. Because, in the end, I think these choices are incredibly beautiful. They are the kind of thing that make me feel like reading TGCF was actually a spiritual experience, no matter what MXTX says. That makes me admire Xie Lian and want to follow him (like the God he is).

Okay so first: self-sacrifice. If fortune is limited, and the only way to make others’ lives better is to take fortune from someplace else, then there is really only one place you can take it from without hurting others—yourself.

So, part of Xie Lian’s solution is to take fortune from himself and give it to others. It’s why he asks for a cursed shackle that disperses his fortune, so that his fortune will naturally flow to those around him. It’s, of course, a very small thing. He is no longer playing God, or trying to “fix” the world on a grand scale. He is simply, in his own, quiet way, serving the common people.

My desire to give up meat and to spend more time on activism—these things feel like big sacrifices for me. And yet, they will have a very small impact on the greater situation in the world. They’re a drop in the ocean. I still want to do it, but it’s hard. It’s hard to care, or think that these things matter. Yet, this is the trade-off Xie Lian was willing to make. I really admire him for it.   

I believe self-sacrifice is actually a really important, beautiful thing, that our society has forgotten the value of. We are individualistic—obsessed with our own wants. As I mentioned previously, our expectations have risen, so we buy and buy and buy. We are unwilling to rein in our consumption. I know a lot of people baulk at lifestyle changes as a solution to the climate crisis, and I agree that putting pressure on individuals instead of governments or corporations is misguided. But, first of all, there simply aren’t enough resources on earth to sustain our current levels of consumption. And, second… I don’t think we can completely let individuals off the hook. What is society anyway, but a collection of individuals? If we are going to address this thing, it’s going to take a massive movement—bigger than the civil rights movement or the works’ rights movement or the women’s movement. It’s going to take millions of people worldwide getting out of their own heads, their own lives, and concerning themselves with the greater good. That requires immense sacrifice.

Which takes me to gratitude. In order to be willing to sacrifice, you have to appreciate what you already have.

People often talk about gratitude these days as a path to mental health. Instinctively, it sounds like an uplifting, positive thing. And it is… but it also entails having a relatively negative worldview. It means remembering all the horrible things that exist in this world which we are lucky enough to avoid on a daily basis. You stepped in some dog shit? Well, that sucks, but you could have stepped into an open manhole and broken your neck! So! That’s something to be grateful for.  

We are all so lucky. I’m sure everyone reading this has pains and traumas and challenges. This isn’t to diminish those, but, I hope, at least we all have at least one person to love. That’s all Hua Cheng had, and it’s what kept him going. Just one person was enough. And most of us, I hope, get to eat food every day, get to sleep in a bed, get to play video games or read novels or write poetry when we are sad. Not everyone gets those things.  

Xie Lian, of course, was the king of low expectations, because he knew his future was going to be bad. He had intentionally accepted bad luck for a lifetime. So, there was no point in hoping for things to get better.

I think this attitude is best shown by his interaction with the Venerable of Empty words. The Venerable of Empty Words feeds off people’s fears. But Xie Lian didn’t really have any. When the Venerable of Empty Words warned him that his hut will collapse in two months, his response is, “Two months? If it’s still standing in seven days, then it’ll be a real miracle.” Because his expectations are so low, he’s essentially immune to fear. I can’t help but think that if you could really think this way, it would be a kind of superpower. It reminds me of the famous quote by spiritual teacher Krishnamurti, “Do you know what my secret is? You see, I don’t mind what happens.”

And so Xie Lian is okay with everything. He can sleep anywhere, crash boulders on his chest for money, not eat for three days, regularly suffer corpse poisoning, and still be okay.

Which leads to my third point: purpose. Xie Lian is able to endure such hardship because his expectations are low, but also he knows all his suffering has a purpose. “If I am to become a God of misfortune, then so be it,” he says. “As long as I know deep down that I am not.” He is okay with being laughed at or avoided for his bad luck, because deep down he knows he is doing the right thing. People can withstand a great deal if they feel their suffering has meaning. In Man’s Search for Meaning, the psychiatrist Victor Frankl’s writes about the horrors of living through a concentration camp, and how over and over, it was creating purpose that allowed him, and others, to find motivation to survive. Which I think has an important lesson for self-sacrifice. People are willing to sacrifice a lot, if they feel their sacrifice has purpose.

I get it when MXTX says that she is not a guru, and maybe it’s a lot to ask of a danmei novel to take spiritual advice from it. The book wasn’t necessarily perfect, and I do have some critiques (which I was gonna add here, but this thing is already wayyy too long). But… I do think I found something really meaningful in this story—some inspiration. I want to follow Xie Lian’s example, and live with gratitude and acceptance, while keeping my faith in doing the right thing. In other words, WWXLD! (What Would Xie Lian Do?)

[quodekash]

EPISODE 2 BAD BUDDY OS2 LETS GOOOOO im so freaking excited holy hell 

i still cant believe that patpran and earthmix are going to INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER??? AND EXIST IN THE SAME SPACE???? HOLY HELLLLLL 

wait hang on 

will we get longtae?? pls give us longtae i need to see my boy 

WAIT hang on how does this work. how do bad buddy and 1000stars exist in the same space if drake plays korn and also rang. i need to make some kind of murder board of the connections between shows holy hell 

tut tut, phu, you need to take care of yourself for goodness sake 

pran is too autistic for this, he doesnt know how to Social Situation and communicate what he was actually trying to say and now they think he wants to be a teacher 

also im gonna slide past the phutian relationship problems bc i dont want to think about it. my dads are not getting a divorce, and thats final 

hang on. there’s new kids now??? where the hell did they come from? 

tian’s teacher frustration is so real 

autism 

HEY 

LOOK AT THAT 

ACTUAL REPRESENTATION OF SOME KIND 

THATS AWESOME 

I KNEW HE WASNT NEUROTYPICAL 

FJEHSBGKVJREB 

i know ocd is an anxiety disorder but there’s a lot of overlapping symptoms and apparently autistic people are more likely to experience ocd 

and even if its just ocd, im still allowed to hc him as autistic 

but either way HELL YEAH REPRESENTATION AND ITS CANONICAL AND ITS NOT JUST IN HIS HABITS ITS AN ACTUAL CANONICAL DIAGNOSIS GJERBDHBDRT 

MY BOY! 

(definitely didnt completely forget about him) 

his gaydar is going off so much he can smell it (i made the screenshot too big and now phupha in the foreground is making me laugh so hard omg- i swear its the funniest thing ever. im probably tired. its 1:30am) 

THE LOOKS PATPRAN GAVE EACH OTHER WHILE PHUTIAN WERE INTERACTING- THE GAYDARS THE GAYDARS 

(yes, i know they already know about phutian bc of tian’s online diary thingy, but it still counts) 

i wanna read this diary so bad but i cant read thai. and also idk where i would find it. its probably online somewhere. it might be a merch thing. who knows man 

GEHRKDBGV THE FLASHBACKS WHILE HES READING 

IM CRYING 

“why would a good guy come to watch me take a shower?” THE LOOKS PATPRAN JUST GAVE EACH OTHER- OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH 

THE LOOKS THROUGHOUT THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE 

ITS SO FUNNY 

I LOVE THIS 

iconic 

i love everything about this so so so much 

the amount of joy that just this one image brings me? help 

ive been wondering why they keep making those movies 

wait hang on 

guys i think we might actually be onto something 

on another but related note: what do you guys spend 25 minutes doing at 2 in the morning when you should be sleeping? cos apparently i make beautiful atrocities like that. 

anyway. 

theyre like little kids, “he liked me first” “NO HE LIKED ME FIRST” 

this is starting to sound very familiar 

pran screaming at the waterfall reminds me of patpran screaming off the top of the hill at the beach 

THEY ARE PLAYING IN THE WATERRRR I LOVE THEMMMMMM 

“i think they kissed” “agreed” “they certainly did” “i agree” okay they didnt but they absolutely should have and we all wanted them to 

they so in loveeee i love themmmmm 

IM SCREAMING AS QUIETLY AS I POSSIBLY CAN, HOLY HELL THE FREAKING PARALLELS 

hah, you bloody americans, they probably had to google what 18ºC is in fahrenheit, but i, a superior australian, know that that is... warmer than it has been recently. its currently 13º. its really weird, im not used to it getting this cold, even in winter, and winter only technically started two days ago. anyway, enough about abnormal australian weather, back to patpran 

i love them so much 

pat, i- 

HELL YES 

OISHIIIII 

FINALLY 

the kid demanding payment through sips of oishi tea? thats my kinda style 

id adopt that kid if i had to. 

i hate kids 

but ice tea? it bonds people. 

lucky kid 

i rly like this karaoke idea, i was wondering how they were gonna incorporate the ost but i guess pat’s gonna sing it 

P’AUUUU 

I THOUGHT I RECOGNISED HIM IN THE BACKGROUND EARLIER AND I WAS RIGHT 

HELLO P’AU HOW ARE YOU 

“actually, my boyfriend and i also fought about who fell for the other first. but in the end, it isnt important. what matters more is that we love each other” AWWWWBHFGHBR 

OH 

ITS THE SONG 

ITS THAT SONG 

GEIURHGUKERJBGHJK 

YAYYYY PHUTIAN ARE SNUGGLINGGGG 

IM SMILING SO HARD ITS DIFFICULT TO SEE 

i love him 

THE SIGNATURE FISTBUMP RJDGBJR 

i love them 

NOOOOO THEY STILL HAVENT MADE UP, GOSH FREAKING DARNNIT 

ooooo phu vs pat drinking challenge, this’ll be fun 

i really like how the young ones are giving advice to the older ones for a change, its very nice. and also just goes to show how powerful patpran are 

omg this kid is everywhere, i love him 

the pure RELIEF when they both see that they are, in fact, wearing pants. 

BRO THAT WAS STRESSFUL 

PRAN NEARLY DIED 

its so funny to me how intense the music is rn 

OF FREAKING COURSE 

well at least we know that means we’ll get more patpran next week, we dont have to say goodbye to them today 

anyway that was wonderful, its 3am and i feel fine currently, cant wait to feel like a dead banana peel tomorrow, goodnight folks, see you next time! 

[heyyylittlemo]

Small details in 19 Days that keep me up at night

((That I feel rarely gets talked about))

-Mo Guan Shan & The Zodiac Magazine

This chapter was pretty early on in 19days—So that must mean Mo Guan Shan has done this a lot more since, right??😳 and he didn’t even rlly know HT that well at this point so...he must be in heat on the low for HT by now 🥵🥵

So it canonically confirms at least a base physical attraction from the start—and c’mon if this isn’t the most relatable thing ever. Soon as I get an attraction to someone I’m a bit piqued to find out their zodiac. Mo Guan Shan’s hidden curiosity for HT is lwk so cute.

It def suggests that MGS has an under the surface lvl (where he can’t even detect it) pull to understand and get closer to HT.

Mo Guan Shan dreaming of He Tian

I know it was passed off like a “joke” and a “nightmare” but cmon this gay as hawlll

Who DOESN’T dream of their crush?? Dreams usually are about things we heavily think about and/or what we thought about before bed—and I can’t help but to think OX was onto smth

Not to mention, this has high bottom-denial energy. Literally. Like he was soooo trying to avoid getting a shot at the docs bc it was in his ass, why??? Like sir...ur fragile masculinity that was created from ur inner homophobia towards ur own bottom reality was def crashing at that second

N Why he got pain in his tushy??? In this dream?? N ppl bullying him like that abt it lmaoo who irl be saying those things?? Things like “aren’t in the guy who got a shot in ur ass” and “haha I’d like to see you with ur ass in the air~” even tho the translation and the way it was written can be said to mean that these bullies are literally finding it funny that his ass was in the air I have a feeling it was censored and rephrased to hint at its actual implications,, I feel like these guys were actually trying to jokingly solicit Mo in gay acts thru him bottoming—in reaction to the needle butt-scenario. I feel like OX wants us to read between the lines.

And if you see it that way, it really makes it seem like Mo is having a sexuality crisis here. And I think it’s what OX was building up to around that time bcuz it was around after the kiss happened.

It rlly makes me believe MGS genuinely thinks getting a shot in his ass will somehow societally and with unspoken words “expose” him and miraculously express to others that he likes it up the ass—bcuz u cannot tell me that dream and what those bullies were saying weren’t his damn paranoia demons talking

I think a dream interpreter could stretch it enough to say that the bullies are a metaphor of his own insecurities towards his homosexuality and particularly towards his upcoming bottoming feelings. Like he’s legit scared of a hospital needle in his butt—this is not straight behavior. And then we have He Tian to the rescue—(and do you see his look and his flirtatious line) and omg he’s gripping the shit out of his ass in the dream. He’s both being bullied for his bottom-ness and guilty-pleasure getting one rubbed out by He Tian. Like ok, have ur cake and eat it then bitch.

Mo Guan Shan Staring at He Tian

This was a moment leading up to the kiss. MGS was staring (probably admiring while also judging and heating up over HT) He Tian while he was playing BSKTBall—and As a BL writer myself can’t help but to think HT noticed MGS very not-straightly stare at him with a sort of sexual attraction he had towards him on the field.

Like cmon?? I doubt OX writes lines like these for no reason.

I feel like...at least irl...The eyes usually give it away if someone is interested in you or not. you can always see if someone is checking you out and noticing you in a different light like it just has different vibe and feel to it. OX was def trying to show and not tell with this panel that MGS has noticed HT and stares at him in the way we all hope he does. We don’t really get to see and (and I guess it keeps us on our toes and keeps us wondering if the little redhead could actually be falling for HT)—so it’s very subtle, but it is there, and once you notice it you’re like d a m n this makes the kiss scene so much more hopeful (at least for me).

I think this was the push that gave HT hopes to kiss MGS in the first place and it gets overlooked. How do you think HT own curiosity peeked? I think as a community we often think abt Mo and how he developed feelings or will develop feelings for HT but rarely do we ever questions The Who what when where and how He Tian came to like Mo himself. I have my own feelings about them that I can’t explain in this post, least it gets off-topic, but I think it’s very important.

I think his comment “Do I really disgust you that much” makes more sense in this context, of MGS giving HT some reassurance through non-verbal ques. HT was already under the impression that MGS was egging him on with his staring so it can warrant some of He Tian’s confusion. HT probably is pursuing MGS bc he probably senses some lvl of homosexual tension from Mo, and it’s exciting to him. Not only that, but MGS is exciting in his character. So I think HT was also relatively new to this venture and kinda spontaneously kissed Mo out of his own curioustes to explore their attractions and to get a grasp of what Mo was feeling.

It also makes me think HT and MGS experienced some undeniable pleasure or unspoken moment that could not be denied within the kiss as attraction and when MGS then decided to go agaisnt that with violence it only further hit HT, who knew MGS was lying to himself. I mean, it’s a classic BL moment. The two kiss, obviously feel smth (probably couldn’t show much of that due to censorship so had to pass it along as a 100% unsatisfactory exchange) and then one, feeling too much all at once and isn’t comfortable with their confirmed suspensions abt their sexuality—denies everything to the other causing further tensions especially sense both know how eachother really feel despite the others denial. And then the rejected one downplays the kiss’ seriousness to soothe their ego knowing full well the kiss meant smth. So they both internalize what the other said and both feel rejected, but both actually liked it. It’s a classic.

I truly feel that if it wasn’t due to censorship, that the kissing scene would’ve looked a lot more consensual than so forceful and wrong. Like it would’ve been taken as an tension filled “experimentation” that we see a lot in BLs and it only further ties into why MGS would be so bashful whenever the kiss is mentioned, and why HT can use it As a leverage over Mo (“don’t make me kiss you again”) bcuz it brings them back to thy moment where HT experienced some “answer” between Mo and that answer was fulfilling even tho it cannot be fulfilled and probably HT is hoping that maybe one day if he teases him enough about it they can share another kiss one that is a lot less rushed and now that they are closer, will lead to a better result.

Anyways those are my speculations. And I actually have written a short story based on these assumptions(focused on the kiss—and it’s also leading up to a jealously fic) but ofc I haven’t written it in ahwile haha. Just thought it was worth sharing since I noticed 19 days has been updating pretty “eh” lately.

[yugenn]

He Tian and Zhan Zheng Xi headcanons

This is really random, but I made some headcanons about He Tian and Zhan Zheng Xi if they were closer:) I know that they barely have a real conversation together, but I needed to get it out.

The list is very long so this is the first part of the headcannons:)) please add more if you have some🥰.

1. They both have a special name for each other

2. They share spotify playlists

3. Have a similar music taste

4. Both are addicted to parfumes and they have a whole collection.

5. Would shop together for everything, because Tian drags Xi along

6. They would try different sunglasses and make selfies

7. They would have the same size of clothing and would often wear each others clothes

8. Xi helped Tian with making his apartment more cozy, cause Xi founded it too empty and bare (Tian loves it and it feels more like a home now)

9. They do late night drives+ hard music+ singing along+ getting food. It’s the best thing in the world for them

10. They would stargaze

11. They are very loud with each other, Xi is actually really bubbly and funny with Tian

12. Would HATE each others icecream flavor with a passion

13. I think that both would like to read, especially Xi, so Tian would always ask for new books

14. Tian’s favourite book is “The Little Prince” which is the first book that Xi had lend him, but Tian liked it so much that he could keep it from Xi <3

15. They would do many different things when they hang out, like going to an arcade, to the movies, a lunapark, a museum, a restaurant, etc…

16. Tian always films and takes photo’s of their day and later on hangs it on his walls, He would also take a lot of selfies with Xi

17. After they’ve hang out, Xi will always text Tian if he came home safely and Tian would send him a photo of him at home

18. They would send each other random photo’s and voice memo’s during the day

19. They have their own dark humour and they would laugh about it till they can’t breath

20. Xi would be veryyy patient with Tian, it doesn’t matter about what. (For example: teaching how to bake, explaining something, listening to him, etc)

21. Both would eat a LOT, but Xi never ever gains weight and Tian envy’s him for that

22. They would get breakfast in the weekends

23. Facetiming 24/7, especially at night. Tian doesn’t like to be alone, so they will talk about random things or just do their own things. (Xi knows that Tian hates loneliness even if he never told him that)

24. Xi would always answer Tian’s calls, even in the middle of the night. (Tian would have a bad nightmare and needs someone to talk to)

25. Xi would listen to Tian’s rants any time of the day, doesn’t matter about what

26. They have blackmail of each other and are using it as a threat to send it to Mo/Yi

27. They would do a lot of sleepovers

28. Xi introduces anime to Tian and since then on they would held marathons

29. Both will sob and cry at a sad movie

30. They would have deep night talks about everything

31. Tian loves the Zhan family, because he feels like home there and they would see him as their son (they basicly adopted the whole friendgroup). The Zhan family would regularly invite him over for dinners and holidays

32. Xi’s sister would paint their nails and Tian likes it a lot, he always asks for a new colour each time

33. Xi showed Tian skincare and from then on they would have a skincare day. And its very serieus to them! Tian would also ask a lot of things to Xi’s sister

34. Xi sleeps at a decent time and Tian would sleep late, he’s an night owl. But Xi would still try to stay awake for him

35. Xi is kind of a heavy sleeper while Tian is a very light sleeper, so Tian would do the most weirdest shit to wake up Xi and ofcourse he’s gonna film that

36. Procrastinating buddies, they would do everything of their schoolwork in one day and still get good grades (the work smarter not harder gang)

37. Both are trying to give advice to each other about Mo/Yi but they always fail cause they dont know what to do, and after that they would eat to feel better

38. Tian would help Xi to train and fight to become stronger. Just like Xi had promised he would to Jian Yi

39. Xi can sometimes act like a big brother to Tian and Tian pretends to hate it, but he secretly lovesss it

40. Xi would sometimes braid Tian’s hair when he’s (Xi or Tian) stressed

41. I think that Xi will try to show Tian that He Cheng truly cares about him… Xi is also an older brother and (can) understand that the things Cheng does is to protect his little brother

42. Would watch weird documentaires and consipacry theories

43. They would sit on the rooftop of Tian’s building and watch at the city

44. They would watch the sunset and sunrise

45. Xi would be really hydrated, like this boy would walk around with a 1.5l water bottle, while Tian would barely drink any water a day… so Xi would always force him to drink some

46. Xi would be an amazing photographer, he would take pictures of Tian for his insta

47. Both would be car addicts, they would like those old vintage cars

48. The slides with socks gang

49. Tian would buy a matching bracelet for them

50. Would send each other cringe and weird tiktoks

51. They love to walk or run in the rain

52. Tian always has an arm around Xi’s shoulders and Xi would just hang on it

53. Xi would call Tian’s cigarettes “lung cancer sticks”

54. Xi can zoom out a lot and Tian always tries to bring his focus back

55. They challenge each other a lot, but the reason that they’re doing this is to push each other to their best.

Hope you guys liked it so far💗

[chalkrevelations]

Moving on to Episode 4 of Word of Honor, and y’all.

Wait, first: If you’re new or just visiting, this is a re-watch, so there are SPOILERS not just for this ep but for the ENTIRE SHOW. Maybe a lot of them. Scroll away and come back later if you haven’t seen all 36.5 eps and want to watch it unspoiled. (They’re all gonna be tagged “word of honor episode reax”)

A couple of big things, first:

So, right up front, I don’t know for sure that this is the first time we’ve heard the word, but it’s the first time I’ve twigged to it in this re-watch. As Zhou Zishu and Chengling are leaving the inn in the morning, at the very beginning of the ep, Wen Kexing asks why ZZS continues to call him gongzi and wants to know if he’s still too much of an outsider for a less formal form of address. He uses the word 外人 (wairen) (at 2:30) for “outsider,” which is how the subs translate it here. Anybody who’s been around for these flailing reactions since the first time I watched the show might remember that I made a deal about this somewhere around in the late 20s of the episodes, based on a post from someone that I scrolled quickly past while avoiding spoilers and that I have NEVER FOUND AGAIN and am STILL LOOKING FOR, that alerted me to the use of this word and its nuances in ep 25. There’s a conversation there about WKX possibly taking over some of Chengling’s training at Siji Manor, and WKX demurs, calling himself “外人.” Youku translated it there as “someone else,” as in having “someone else” train your disciple, and ZZS responds with “And you’re 外人?” again translated as “someone else.” This actually seems to mean “stranger,” or “outsider,” as they do actually translate it here in Ep 4 - presumably someone who’s from outside your sect, at least in the Ep 25 instance, in which WKX is labeling himself that while he’s in the midst of his upcoming crisis, trying to keep his emotional distance from ZZS and Siji Manor. It’s used again in Ep 26, when ZZS finds WKX giving training advice to Chengling, and it’s one of the ways they have WKX and A-Xiang reflect each other, when she uses it in Ep 29, and rejects it as a description of herself, in order to claim a place in Cao Weining’s sect/family (which, now, knowing … GOD. My HEART). Anyway, I found it super-interesting that WKX is using this word here in Ep 4 to push against ZZS’s boundaries, in contrast to the way he’ll use it later, to try to fortify his own walls against ZZS and Siji Manor. I begin to suspect that he doesn’t want to tell ZZS who he actually is because, maybe, just a little bit, he wants ZZS to figure it out, to recognize him, to truly know him (zhiji) without him having to spell it out. We kind of travel back around to this idea near the end of the ep, when WKX is questioning ZZS about the Baiyi sword, and ZZS tells him that their relationship is like the fish that ZZS unsuccessfully tried to cook and threw on the ground – raw (i.e., unacquainted) – to explain why he keeps shutting out and shutting down WKX. Only we know now that isn’t entirely true, and WKX certainly suspects it isn’t entirely true. (Also, just an observation, ZZS says in that later scene that he’s not interested in who WKX is. DON’T TELL HIM THAT, my dude, now it’s going to be 3,246 episodes before he’ll give you any personal info.)

Also, just a note – I think we make the switch from Zhou-xiong to A-Xu in this ep. (ETA: No! I have been reliably informed by @janedrewfinally that this switch happened back at the end of Ep 3 (at 41:18), and it seems to be part of what precipitates the Completely Reasonable, Not At All Flirtatious, Utterly Heterosexual No Really, Like Bros way that ZZS takes WKX's wine jar. You know the incident we mean.)

The second thing that I really started turning over in my head here is the developing relationship between WKX and Chengling, and this is one of the things that took me so long on this one, because I wanted to go back and look at those two, specifically, in the previous eps again, and revisit their interactions both with and without the mediating factor of ZZS. The first time WXK sees Chengling is in the marketplace at the end of Ep 1 when Chengling ends up giving his token to ZZS. But I think the first time WKX sees Chengling is maybe when WKX’s sitting in the cutout window with his drinkie during the massacre of Mirror Lake and ZZS draws the Baiyi sword to protect Boatman Li and Chengling, just before they make it to the boat and float away back to the mainland. I don’t know how much of the beginning of the fight in the abandoned temple WKX then sees before A-Xiang makes her entrance, but there’s a lot of Chengling flinging himself in front of Boatman Li and ZZS in a way that’s not entirely dissimilar to the way Zhen Yan will fling himself at his parents’ bodies in flashback in a later episode, and then WKX definitely sees dying Boatman Li charge ZZS with Chengling’s care, then make Chengling bow, in a parallel to the scene we’ll get later when Qin Huaizhang accepts Zhen Yan as a Siji Manor shidi. In Ep 3, there’s a lot of weird sympathetic looks from WKX as A-Xiang berates Chengling over dinner (she doesn’t quite have this jiejie thing down yet, and she’s probably never had someone younger than her to take care of) for not taking care of himself so he can be strong and get his revenge for his family’s deaths. This time out, Ep 4, we start with the beggar gangs coming after Chengling, which has some resonance with the former Ghost Valley Master and his Ten Devils standing around the bodies of Zhen Yan’s parents and debating what they’re going to do with this kid before they steal him away. You can see WKX’s eyes start to narrow as the lead beggar dude talks, and he eventually even asks them, “What are you going to do if he doesn’t want to go, take him away by force?” We get a LOT of cutting to WKX in this conversation, even though he ostensibly has nothing to do with this, it’s really a convo between Beggar Guy, ZZS and Chengling. WKX pulls focus, and he eventually provokes that fight, and sure, he wants to see ZZS fighting and hopefully get a look at the Baiyi sword, and he even may think that’s the extent of his ulterior motives, but I’m not sure that actually is the full extent of his motives, there. This episode is also when we really see WKX start to encourage Chengling to continue to press at ZZS about taking him as a disciple, including the first use of the infamous “Tough women can’t resist clingy men” saying. Chengling comments that he was just supposed to be Son #3 who stayed home and took care of the old people, and WKX comes back with the Extremely Significant Comment that “When the children want to fulfill their filial piety, the parents have died,” which is not only Extremely Significant, but also sounds like it may be a quote from a poem or other literature? Anyway, a lot of this is just to say, KINDLY AU ANON WHO WAS THINKING ABOUT WRITING THE STORY IN WHICH WKX GETS CUSTODY OF CHENGLING BECAUSE ZZS IS NOT AT MIRROR LAKE, ARE YOU STILL OUT THERE? Hopefully you are hard at work, writing, because I have been having thoughts about this relationship.

What else? Kind of chronologically:

First of all, it continues to physically pain me to have to look at that horrifying facial hair, ZZS. I cannot WAIT to hit Ep 6.

We open this ep on WKX rolling walnuts in his hand in a way that is reminiscent of SOMEONE who we’ve seen do that before – multiple times, given they put that shot of Ghost Valley Master in the opening credits. Nevertheless, I didn’t catch this right away on my first time through. It took me a few episodes, and then I FINALLY noticed the opening credits shot right in front of my face. Point to you, show. Once you know, this ep practically shoves it in your face, recreating not only the walnut rolling, but a dude getting held up in the air and choked out (which we’ve seen before, in Ep 1 (and will see again)) before being slammed down on the ground with WKX crouched over him (which we’ve seen before, in Ep 1). Later, WKX is concerned about his manicure (which we’ve seen before, in Ep 1). It’s actually a little bit funny that both he and ZZS - a master assassin and a guy who literally skinned another dude (and maybe ate him?) to take his throne – are both so prissy about actual, literal blood. Anyway, is it significant or a coincidence that WKX waits until ZZS and Chengling are out of sight before actually going wild-eyed? You know the look I mean.

OH MY GOD, it’s Lovelace. I had blocked this dude from my mind. Eurgh. Nevertheless, there are a number of things I love about his scene, and all of them are related to A-Xiang, my feral beloved - from the way she clomps into the room, completely unworried about stepping the least bit gracefully while making her presence known and stomping (lit. and fig.) all over his dramatic little bit, to the way she berates him, threatens him with “Aunt Luo,” bares her teeth at him, and makes the eye-gouging motion at him. She is the best, and I adore her. I also love how she literally laughs in WKX’s face at his comment that maybe he just wants to be friends with ZZS, OK, is that alright?

The fight with the beggar gangs in this ep may be the first time we see something similar to the cage of spears maneuver in Prince Jin’s throne room all the way up in Ep … what? 30? … although it won’t be the last time we see it, and each time we see ZZS is perfectly capable of avoiding it or escaping it, making me suspect that Tian Chuang only “trapped” him in it because he let them, just like he only got taken back to Prince Jin in chains, in the first place, because he let it happen. We see it at 5:30 with the beggar gang’s staffs, when ZZS breaks it up by literally flinging another dude into the middle of it. We see it at 5:41, when he kicks his way out of the formation. And we see it at 8:15, when the sheaths have come off the swords, and he feints under them to break his way out. Just noticing.

When WKX is talking about the Baiyi sword as they all sit around ZZS’ sad little raw fish in the dirt by the lakeside, he mentions that Rong Changqing created three master works – the White Cloth sword, the Dragonback, and the “Great Wild Land,” per Youku’s translation. ZZS has the Baiyi sword, I assume the Dragonback is Ye Baiyi’s sword. Is the Great Wild Land actually the Ghost Valley? Given what we learn from Ye Baiyi in the back nine about Rong Changqing and his plans for Ghost Valley? Anyway, then we get some magic pipa playing, and ZZS (trying to, apparently) play WKX’s xiao in musical self-defense, and even though he leaves his opponent bleeding, WKX takes the opportunity to make suggestive comments about teaching him how to blow properly, just in case WKX’s been slacking on his act as a cheesy pick-up artist and anyone’s beginning to see through him. ZZS yells at Chengling for his lack of martial skill, then yells at him for crying, because that always works, particularly with traumatized teenagers who have had their entire family and sect massacred like, two nights ago. As a shifu, I’m not sure how you manage to inspire such devotion, my dude. WKX plays the indulgent parent, but also reassures Chengling that ZZS has good reasons for yelling at a traumatized, newly orphaned kid. I suppose he is getting him ready for all the yelling that’s going to go down once they get to Five Lakes Alliance and Chengling has to deal with Gao Chong and Shenshen. Chengling’s response, with WKX’s encouragement, is to ask to be ZZS’s disciple again. Was Han Ying (who I guess we’ve yet to actually meet at this point (EDIT TO ADD: NO WAIT, he was in Ep 1)) this much of a little dumbass to 24-year-old ZZS when Han Ying was 14? (EDIT 2 TO ADD: And who is writing this story, omg.) Although, ugh, that makes me realize that part of ZZS’s bad mood is that Chengling asking to be a disciple must be bringing up a shit-ton of bad stuff for ZZS about how he got all the other Siji Manor disciples killed. (Wen Kexing sees himself in Chengling, making his bow to Qin Huaizhang, one of the few good things that ever happened in his life, while ZZS sees all those red flowers on the mural back in his rooms in Prince Jin’s palace.) A final lakeside observation – A-Xiang pokes at ZZS’s uselessness as a cook here, and WKX will later ask him why he’s so utilitarian about food and drink, when they’re the greatest pleasures of life. (Really, WKX? THE greatest pleasures? Although that’s certainly an interesting comment given where we end up, in the end.) And it makes me begin to wonder – is ZZS so bad at cooking, and does he continue to avoid it, at least partially because he’s already losing his senses enough so that it interferes with preparing a tasty meal?

Also, we meet the Four Scorpion Assassins, and Pretty Arhat and Evil Bodhisattva have some pretty bold names, but now I’m back on my thing about the women in this show, and wondering what kind of enlightenment or release these two feel like they’ve had, and how it may or may not resemble the mindset of the women of the Department of the Unfaithful in Ghost Valley. I’m not well-versed in Buddhism, though, and am maybe not the person to take on how that religious symbolism is or is not used as a metaphor for female freedom in this show.

This is getting kind of long, so one last observation for now, and I think I may have mentioned this before: WKX has color-coded ZZS and Chengling as a unit in the robes he bought for them when he also rented out the entire inn. He’s not in the same color, but he is in a complementary shade and tone, which I find interesting. Also, his sash is sort of salmon, not the red of his Ghost Valley getup, but not completely divorced from it, either.

[nutty1005]

Xiao Zhan: It’s Your Turn

Translator’s Note: This article comes from VogueMe Magazine 2020 Feb Issue.

Currently, the trend in the entertainment business is to get famous overnight, the statistics dictate everything – a drama, a variety show, a song… all of which could give birth to a super idol, fame, commercial value and opportunities that come along with it. In 2019, the drama “The Untamed”, adapted from an internet novel, became this window of opportunity. This is the story of a young man who received the opportunity. And like other idols created by their era, his fanbase grew immensely, radiating throughout the youth, his name etched in time. All of these simply points to this – it’s now Xiao Zhan’s turn.

1

The summer of 2015, Xiao Zhan had not yet realized that he was going to job switch from the design firm opened by his teacher. The teacher did not feel so as well – as Xiao Zhan left for the talent search variety show, he told him, “Go play, come back to work once you’ve been eliminated.”

The show was called “X-FIRE”, and positions itself as a large scaled youth talent development inspirational show. During broadcast, the description says “16 secretly trained youths painstakingly selected from a few thousand 16-24 year olds”. At that time, Xiao Zhan was 23 years old – nearing the upper age limit.

Xiao Zhan just wanted to “play around a bit”. He felt that he would be just touring for a round, and he would be back after a week. As the former class Cultural Committee Member in his university, Xiao Zhan loved singing, won quite a few inter-school cultural activities awards, but never trained in dance-singing. Xiao Zhan, who graduated in graphic design, learnt drawing since young, but never thought of becoming an artist, because “it is hard to survive as an artist, you still need to earn a living”. He was willing to lead a simple life and go to work everyday, with a direct and clear life plan – as a graphic designer, do his work well, then open his own firm.

The summer 4 years later, the name “Xiao Zhan” meant a lot of different things – a member of a pop group, the lead actor of one of the most popular drama, the owner of a Weibo account with more than 22million followers, or as what Chinese entertainment business puts it – a “top traffic”. The topics and imagery surrounding him includes – Xiao Zhan’s looks, Xiao Zhan’s design talent, Xiao Zhan’s professionalism, Xiao Zhan’s role as Wei Wuxian…

And like the other idols who broke out in this era, he has his own set of records – moderators of Bilibili (a video hosting site in China) nagged that his drama fans uploaded so much of his videos that they “almost see him 800 times a day”, Xiao Zhan was jokingly proclaimed as “The Man who caused the Bloodbath of Bilibili”; he became the cover person of a magazine, and the two mobile sales platform app broke down consecutively on the day of the sales; his popularity in 2020 only got higher – on 9 Jan, according to Tian Mao statistics (TN: Taobao eShopping Mall), the Portrait magazine, where he was the cover person, sold out 100,000 copies in 3 seconds, overall sales exceeding 13million Chinese yuan, a poster was spread all around the internet with the accompanying text “a fandom that brought paper media back from its grave” – this is the Xiao Zhan statistics.

But different from the breakout idols, Xiao Zhan did not encounter major controversies (TN: This was published early Feb), and his career did not seem to go through much fluctuations. He never thought that he would be at this point – “Sometimes you’re not ready, but life has already pushed you to ahead. What you can do is to quickly keep up with the pace.” He is now at the stage where any of his actions are “studied under a magnifying glass”, but he feels that his stress levels are not as high as his previous few years, “the past few years, I had the drive but nowhere to use that, now I know how to work hard.”

2

During the initial auditions, Xiao Zhan still continued to work as per normal, go onstage – sing – leave, which was quite fun. After the selection down to 32 persons, he did not think much of it, and left his work to go to Beijing to practice the dance for the variety show. After the selection down to 16 persons, he practiced everything – dancing, vocals and flexibility training.

He did not think much of what would happen later. The winter in Beijing was especially cold, after the show recording, it would be around 3am or 4am, and there would be fans waiting for him outside of the studio – Xiao Zhan felt quite sorry for them, “All are young girls, it’s so cold and so dark.” He felt surreal having fans. When the 16 of them went to Zhejiang TV “Running 2016” New Year Eve performance, he saw the stage and felt that it was especially big and he was especially happy, and kept making sure he remembered the moves so as not to make any mistakes. After the final battle, Xiao Zhan’s team lost, but he and a few of his teammates were rescued by fan votes.

In 2016, Xiao Zhan debuted as part of X-Nine. During the signing of the contract, Xiao Zhan finally realized that he was going to make a career switch. “When you look at it now, 23 year old is also still a child, but no one took me as a child then.” – Xiao Zhan was the oldest in the group, he made his own decision to sign the contract, he thought that if it did not work out, he could go back to work, there was no need for him to paint himself into a corner.

3½ years after his debut, Artist Xiao Zhan still had to explain to interviewers his obsession with going to work. That day, he had a pimple on the left side of his face, and the makeup artist was applying essences on his face. The makeup room was simply a curtained area in the basement of the Art Gallery, full of passing staff, the editor was discussing the shooting schedule with his manager, the stylist was here delivering clothes, and he sat there with his eyes closed, allowing others to apply whatever it is on his face.

Xiao Zhan’s eyes are long, and also wide, he is very fair and his side profile is graceful and beautiful. With his looks, one would imagine that his personality would be cooler, more introvert, with mild melancholy, like those prince-like male leads in romantic dramas. But his personality does not really match his looks – he is serious, disciplined, he does not talk much initially, but overall he is a relaxed person, and quite funny occasionally.

“A lot of art students do not want to go to work,” the interviewer said. Xiao Zhan learnt drawing since young, some of his happiest moments in his childhood would be to win drawing awards or to have his works praised by his teachers, other unimportant happy moments includes had a good lunch, went to an amusement park, or had a liking for a girl in high school.

“They never went through the society school of hard knocks,” Xiao Zhan said. He described himself as someone who went through “quite a fair bit of knocking”. Since young, his father thought him to be independent, taught him budgeting, and told him stories about Bill Gates’s children… “I wanted to say, god, you’re not Bill Gates.” Despite all these, Xiao Zhan stopped using his parents’ money ever since his university graduation.

Xiao Zhan not only learnt drawing, he also learnt violin, go and Chinese calligraphy… pushed him to study in “National Key” middle school, “National Key” high school (TN: National Key refers to the top range of schools in China). He was an obedient child, but as a standard art student, Xiao Zhan was better in humanity subjects, and his math was not good, hence all the while he had always been the mid-bottom of the pack, which worried his family of 3 quite a fair bit.

Studying graphic design in university, Xiao Zhan felt that his university life was quite comfortable – everyday before class he would adjust himself a bit, although in the end it seemed like it did not work well after all, but at least his results were decent. Xiao Zhan emphasized that he was “definitely not the school hottie”. He was a good student. After he had learnt what the teachers taught, he started a studio on the side. The design studio would take on poster and logo design work; the photography studio only have 3 persons, Xiao Zhan did the photo taking, the other 2 did lighting. Before graduation he went to intern in a design firm, hence it was easy for him to find a job. Within a year of working, his monthly salary was around 4,000 to 5,000 Chinese Yuan, which would quite alright for Chongqing at that point in time.

Being part of a boy group releasing albums, shooting web dramas. The way to do things right was quite different from his previous job – his characterization in the group is a warm guy, although Xiao Zhan did not like characterization, he seriously fulfilled his role, and he was obedient. When someone in the variety show suggested that he lose some weight, he replied “I’m quite thin already I still have to lose weight”. As a commoner, Xiao Zhan was 183cm and 150lbs, his mother would always say he was too thin, and he felt so himself as well. That person showed him the film, “the camera lens is a really scary thing, I literally looked like a ball”. It was not easy for Xiao Zhan to lose weight, so he did it brutally. He was so hungry that he dreamed that he was eating. Xiao Zhan is now 127lbs, but this was not his thinnest.

“How was it like after debut?” “Unoccupied.” (TN: Xiao Zhan used the Chinese phrase “picking at his feet” to describe the state of emptiness.) Xiao Zhan’s words were paced and gentle, most were caught unawares by the sudden switch to casual humor, he might not be laughing, after others laughed he would continue his conversation seriously.

After his debut, he felt that he was freer than the times when he was still an intern. But he did not allow himself to stay free, he took vocal and dancing lessons, making sure that he could do sing-dancing to the best of his abilities. But he was still a bit lost – when he was still a designer, his future was clear and straight, but after his debut he had no clue where his future led to.

3

“I could count the number of dramas I’ve acted in with my fingers,” Xiao Zhan said. After which, he started counting them – “Battle through the Heavens”, “The Wolf”, “Oh! My Emperor”, “The Untamed”, “Joy of Life”, “Jade Dynasty”, “The Oath of Love”… the earliest work “Super Star Academy” was not counted – It was shot with his boy group, he was still fat, and he had no clue what he was doing.

Acting was his own idea. When he started auditioning he had not even attended any performance classes, he saw the director, took a piece of paper that indicated the scene and lines, and just went for it. Xiao Zhan did not feel that it was awkward, it was something he wanted to do, so he would do so without any inhibitions, and grasp every opportunity to do so. Singing was something that he always liked, his first single after debut was a song voted by his fans. With the stage and his fans, with attention, he would always want to do it better. Acting was something totally foreign to him.

The first turning point was “The Wolf”. When auditioning, within 2 hours, Xiao Zhan had tried many roles – the bounty hunter who was threatening someone, the prince whose brother was about to be executed… Xiao Zhan won the role of the bounty hunter – the 4th character on the character roll, Ji Chong. During the pre-shoot training he was still acting in “Battle through the Heavens”, daytime he would be shooting, nighttime he would be having performance classes. He did not feel it was tough then, as long as he had time to sleep. “Work is something I am willing to do, I will only feel very motivated, tomorrow must be done better than today.” Xiao Zhan liked Wei Wuxian, felt that he was vivid. When acting, during the first month he would be second guessing himself everyday, is the portrayal accurate? Would the audience accept it? Xiao Zhan checked with the director everyday. After a month, he stopped asking, he felt that he was Wei Wuxian. Dramas adapted from web novels are rarely positively received, his hopes for Wei Wuxian was that “I hope people would not dislike the character because of my acting”.

The summer of 2019, the drama aired, and the real turning point arrived.

Billions of fans, frequent trending topics on Weibo, appearing on multiple magazine covers and even causing the sales platform app to crash…

He is one of the few artists in Weibo that sets his account as “only posts in the past 6 months are viewable”, but it did not affect his popularity. His interaction with his fans are witty, the statistics are more than enough to attract attention. Last year on the Chinese Valentine’s Day (TN: 7th of the 7th Lunar month), he posted a photo informing his fans that he had put on weight, his pants folded up, legs in the swimming pool. One of his fans replied, “Fine, good to know that your leg hairs are doing fine.” This reply was boosted to the top with 190,000 likes.

“After watching ‘The Untamed’ and ‘Joy of Life’ and then meeting you, I feel like you are very similar to your performance method, calm. You are like an AI, whatever you do you’re especially precise.” “You’re highly professional.” The interviewer concluded.

At the start of the conversation, Xiao Zhan just finished an exterior photo shoot, we were both seated, leaning forward and warming hands above the radiator. He said, “Artist is just a job, I don’t like artists to place themselves on a pedestal, just like today you are the reporter who is interviewing me, today I am someone being interviewed. Cooperation, is just so that we can complete our jobs, coming in for the photo shoot is my job today, every single staff is also executing this job, it’s just the role is different.” Because he went through the society “school of hard knocks”, he respected and understood the truth behind teamwork.

As someone who once had to face clients, he knew how it felt as someone at the receiving end of endless unreasonable requests, and therefore he did not want to be someone like that. His standards for work is consistent – high efficiency, good results, everyone is happy, no one has to serve another person. Also “once I am done I will knock off, after I knock off no one should come find me, let me be alone.”

“Everyone works to fulfill their needs, they have entertainment after they knock off, they have freedom and privacy. As a public figure, artist, the product is yourself, the works are also yourself. You have to output materials, contribute works, and then gain the opportunity to grow, for higher social status, value and better lifestyle. For some people, besides their career, they also included their dreams,” the interviewer said.

“The understanding is very thorough. You win some, you lose some, after becoming a public figure it meant that there are multiple pairs of eyes staring at you, anything you do would be judged. Whether it is positive or misguided. Truth and falsehoods, isn’t this circle just like this? Whether the rumors or the gossip is true or false, who knows?” Xiao Zhan said.

4

On 5 Jan 2020, Xiao Zhan was working in a sculpture garden in Shanghai Songjiang, shooting a series of photographs to be the cover of VogueMe. It was cold, the gallery’s doors were open, and the wind blew from the first floor to the basement. Everyone was wearing winter jackets.

In the morning, beside the metal sculpture on the first floor, Xiao Zhan and model Chen Yu faced the camera separately. As the shutters rolled, they did not exchange glances or touch each other. As the photographer requested the model to sit on the ground, Xiao Zhan said his only sentence to her, “Careful your head.” and used his hands to shield her head from the protruding portion of the sculpture.

That day’s Weibo opening advertisement was also Xiao Zhan. As per the photographer’s request, he tilted his head up slightly and gave a cold gaze, or side glancing a faraway place, but also at the same time, he was smiling sweetly on mobile phone screens, promoting a series of instant food products.

In the afternoon, the team went to the exterior, to a concrete sculpture beside the gallery entrance, where he and the model stood in front of, facing the camera. The arm was on the model’s shoulders, and the two of them looked at the camera – he was even thinner than the model. In yet another set, the staff erected a ladder to one of the rooftop grass patches on the gallery buildings. An ice cold rock slab was selected, which the assistant padded using a jacket, and tested the light levels. After which, it was Xiao Zhan’s turn. He was wearing a red jacket with blue shirt, wearing a baseball cap, lying on his side on the rock slab, supporting his head with his arm. In between shoots, the assisted would hand him a long wool top, with deep blue diamond checks, quite thin. The top was flipped over, he slipped his hands into the sleeves to protect the front of his body, his assistant handed over another water bottle that contained warm mineral water to warm his hands. Xiao Zhan basically did not speak, he placed the bottle on his neck to gain some warmth.

An artist’s job, the profession included losing weight, staying hungry, freezing and staying up overnight, wearing winter clothes in summer is the norm, not drinking water prior to any shoots to prevent water bloating on screen… people who do those well may become famous, if they look good or are lucky they may become even more famous. Now Xiao Zhan has an opportunity, and like his previous job, he chose to be down-to-earth and do it well.

In the evening, the green screens were setup in basement 2 of the gallery. 17:44, Xiao Zhan was in position, his manager reminded the stylist to take note of the clothes’ proportion – “The sweater is too long.” Hence, the sweater was folded up. After the camera assistant brought down the Apple machines, the cameraman adjusted his machines, and started shooting the video. Quite a few scenes were done in one take, in the middle there was a break, the manager and the camera crew were discussing camera positions. This was the 10th hour of the shoot, Xiao Zhan sat behind the table, laid his head on a prop gift box and waited quietly – we could not see if he was tired or not.

The shoot ended, and the sky was already dark. Xiao Zhan has not yet knocked off. The media had ended their work, the manager was darting around, arranging for Xiao Zhan to change out and get on his car, to rush to his rehearsal that night – they were already behind schedule. Both teams bid their farewell, Xiao Zhan warm and gentle, still unclear whether he was tired. After less than an hour’s journey, he would need to go onstage to sing, and thereafter, his work would be to complete the costume testing of 20 different sets of clothes.

The Initial Cold

The time set for the shoot was 9am, Xiao Zhan arrived at the rural set at 8.30am. His overnight flight arrived only the day before, meeting Xiao Zhan on the cold morning of a deep southern winter, his spirits looked great, his face having the same kindness as usual. The endless job schedules taught him how to conserve his energy – no casual conversation, not even to his staff; take every opportunity to eat or rest; absolutely no procrastination, ensure efficiency, do his best to accommodate and complete every job. He is a highly disciplined and professional artist.

In this shoot, the warm, gentle smiles have been replaced by cold, sharp glares, the metal and concrete sculptures gave him a few minutes of inner emotions and narrative, his scenes with the model was almost like he was acting in the set of “Last Year at Marienbad”. Xiao Zhan displayed emotions and charm very different from usual self – this is the power of an actor. The darker filters and monochrome imagery restored the caution that the youth of his age would have, it was the concealed feelings of a sunny boy. With such an idol, not only he can warm your hearts, there are still much to expect from him.

[wayfarerreads]

August Reading Goals + June/July Wrap Up:

Haven't felt like updating this little blog in recent months :/ Mainly because, between work and family, July was extremely busy and I didn't have as much time or motivation to read.

But now it's August and things are starting to calm down, so hopefully I can find my motivation again ^_^

In June I managed to read, or at least start, a few of the books I wanted to get to. I finished This is How You Lose the Time War, Fangirl, and Golden Stage. I started Gideon the Ninth, Fire Logic, the Husky and His White Cat Shizun (Erha), Tian Guan Ci Fu, and Inland.

In July I got caught up on Erha, and got further in Tian Guan Ci Fu. I also read Spring Trees and Sunset Clouds and started My Darling Sick Beauty.

For August, I'm flip-flopping between giving myself a tbr or just seeing where things go :/ Tbr's haven't really been working for me, but I'm reluctant to let go of the format...

I guess if I do try to stick with a tbr these are the books that will be on it:

-Tian Guan Ci Fu by MXTX:  I’m about 86% of the way through TGCF.  Things have really taken a turn regarding the identity of White No Face :’(  I’m really looking forward to completing TGCF, but I also don’t want to say goodbye to these characters...  I really adore Xie Lian <3  Finished 8/30/2021

-Erha by Meatbun: I’m caught up with the current human translation (ch.160).  *deep sigh* There aren’t enough words in the English language to express how much I love Erha lol  It’s one of those rare books that I start and it immediately hooks its claws into my soul and just burrows there.  Mo Ran and Chu Wanning just constantly break my heart, with all of their misunderstandings.  Mo Ran 2.0 is best boi; seeing him trying so hard to be a good person and come to terms with Taxian Jun/Mo Ran 0.5 and the things he did in that lifetime is so well done.  And Chu Wanning! I love him so, so much <3 He is very much my favorite Erha character. He's so awkward and full of self loathing and I cannot wait to see him finally get past all of that 😭 I’m dying waiting for the next chapter lol  Can’t wait to see where this whole drama with Ye Wangxi/Nangong Si/Song Qiutong is going, especially with the ch.160 reveal :O  I also really want to know who the antagonist is!!!  He reminds me so much of Taxian Jun...

-My Darling Sick Beauty by Dao Xuan:  This one is just kind of fun and funny and fluffy. I really love Jiang Zheliu and Wen Renye and seeing their relationship develop.  I wasn’t sure about it at first, wasn’t completely getting into it, but I stuck with it and now I’m hooked :D

-Remarried Empress by Alpha Tart:  This is my first Korean webnovel.  I’m not really far enough in to have much of an opinion yet.  I like Navier and I’m curious to see where this goes.  It came highly recommended by a friend, so I’ll probably love it ^_^

-Nan Chan by Tang Jiuqing:  Not super far into Nan Chan either, just got to chapter 12.

-Inland by Téa Obreht:  Intriguing, but I’m only 5% in.

-Fire Logic by Laurie J. Marks: I adore this book & very much want to read the whole quartet (which my library happily has :D).  Right now, I’m only 90 pages away from the end.  Will probably finish it either tonight or in the next few days. Finished 8/4/2021

-Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir: Love, love, love this book!!!  I’m a little less than halfway through and am excited to get back to it.  Finished 8/25/2021

-Bloodchild: and Other Stories by Octavia E. Butler: I haven’t touched this one since April -_- It’s my first Butler and I really want to get into her works, especially since I have a ton of her other books!  After finishing Fire Logic, I’ll probably prioritize this one. Finished 8/10/2021

-Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston:  Read like two pages of this in May and haven’t touched it since :/  I think it’ll be a quick read, though, once I get back to it.  Finished 8/18/2021

-the Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon:  Haven’t read this since May either.  I do want to get back to it.  I definitely don’t expect to finish tPotOT this month, but I would like to continue it rather than leave it hanging.

-Victory's Price by Alexander Freed:  Haven’t touched this since March :(  I love Star Wars and I really love the characters in Alphabet Squadron.  Very much want to find out how the trilogy ends.

-a Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara: Haven’t read since February :(  Like with Victory’s Price, school got really busy and I didn’t have time to read.  I’m only 90 pages in, so not very far, but I really love what I’ve read so far.  I’m going to go pick up my own copy this weekend, ‘cause too many other people have holds on the library copies and I know I’m not going to be able to finish it before I need to return it :/

[sunshine304]

I am so so sorry that it took me this long to continue my LoF watching posts! RL, y’know. Ep 26 felt like a good place to take a breather, as well, so that’s what I did.

 Anyway, let’s move on to eps 27 and 28!

It’s exposition time! Zhou Fei and ChuChu are at a tea house and hear about an army deserter who was trained on the Mountain of the Immortals (has this been mentioned before... IDK), was poisoned and became a monk. A-Fei thinks this story sounds familiar (indeed it does, indeed it does...) and ChuChu remembers having read sth like this in a book (the book of ... Peng Lai? I think?).

Oh look, Huo Fort becomes relevant again! I forgot about them. Anyway, Huo Lintao, who is now the boss and seems to not be well liked basically everywhere, wants to fight Disha and invites people from Jianghu to his Destroy Disha Assembly (God, I just love that name XD). Li Sheng & 48 Strongholds get an invite and he wants to investigate. Huo Fort is also... attacked by random cultivators I guess?

Meanwhile, let’s check in on Yin Pei! He still can’t deal with his internal injury (loss of internal power? still not sure; I’m assuming it’s sth like severe damage to a golden core in xanxia or even complete loss of one) and scours Old Daoist Master Chongxiao’s rooms for the Phoenix Pill, which... I think gives you lots of power but is also really super dangerous? 

This show sure has lots of useful but also dangerous power restoring/improving pills and needles, huh?

Anyway, Yin Pei takes the pill. He does not feel so good. Uh oh.

Li Yan and Yang Jin go in search for A-Fei again – uhm, didn’t A-Fei simply go into town with ChuChu? Why are they searching for her again, other that Yang Jin wants to fight her because one obvious defeat isn’t enough? I'm guessing there has been a time skip again...

Meanwhile, at Disha Manor! Shen Tianshu is nursing his wounded ego I guess, while Chu Tianyu, an older member, is now supposed to take care of all this drama, but he doesn’t really want to because he’s retired. How many weird members of Disha are there?

Oh okay, so Yin Pei goes kinda crazy because of the scabbard since it seems to be gone, takes more of the Phoenix Pills, which is a fucking stupid idea, we get some exposition that this might turn him into a demon of some sort, and then he kills Chongxiao for the scabbard because he thinks that the old master wants it for himself.

Which, you know, isn’t true, but that’s what you get for being so secretive, I guess. Chongxiao actually wanted the scabbard so a forger could make lots of copies of it, so that Yin Pei can keep the original one. *sigh* Well, too late now. Yin Pei also meets that evil guy from way back in ep 7 or 8 who’d fought Chongxiao and Li Sheng, who calls himself the Black Judge (I’m too lazy to look up his name and hope he doesn’t really become that relevant). 

I’m kinda sad that Yin Pei simply seems to go the “Oops I’m super crazy now“ route instead of having a more interesting redemption arc. I also... don’t really know what he wants to do now? He’s got the scabbard of his father... Are there still people alive he could take revenge on? Disha I guess?

But! The song that plays while Yin Pei confronts Chongxiao is awesome! I'm in love.♥

Back to the main characters, thank you! Xie Yun is really ill and freezing, the poison taking its toll. He’s at the same inn as two new characters (noooo, no more characters, have mercy!) Zhu Chen and Zhu Ying of the small Zhu sect, who are there for that assembly. They eye XY and feel sorry for him. We instantly know that these are Good People.

Aaaaaand introducing another new character, Ying Hecong, Poison Doctor! I know he’s relevant because he’s got a poster!

Of course Zhou Fei just misses Xie Yun in that inn. *sigh* But then she meets Li Yan and Yang Jin there, which is nice. 

Yet another new character!  He’s Black Tortoise Ding Kui and has henchman that are dressed in a rather peculiar way. Is this now the same as with that Azure Dragon guy, and I don’t really have to remember him? He’s from the 4 Guardians Mountain (speaking of which, where tf is Mu XiaoQiao!?).

Okay okay I see now. Everyone is in LingLing for that meet up with the Huo family! Madame Nichang is there too! Ah my beloved! ♥ She tells Xie Yun to follow his heart, and not be stupid and only think of his end. 

Xie Yun is all evasive of course, and then he meets up with Cheng Zichen who of course is also there! Because of this he finds out that Zhou Fei is there, too, which puts him into a conflict. Because his running away was going so well, dammit!

On to Ep 28!

Xie Yun hides out in the carriage with Ling Yu of the Feather Robe Troupe, who slyly comments on him running away from Zhou Fei. He’s sad and says that it’s not A-Fei’s fault and that he’s just an unlucky person who is not good for her. T_T Kill me, why don’t you.

A-Fei has learned a lot and notices XY’s ruse, yay go my heroine!♥

She catches him and they fight, and she asks him about the poison. Zhou Fei obviously suspects ahhhh! (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ But of course when XY seems happy that she was looking for him, she goes all haughty again and is like, “It’s only because of the HYTS!“ (although no it was mainly because of him and she looks light she might burst into tears any moment now, too...)

They get distracted by the procession of Black Tortoise Master walking by and A-Fei knocks XY out. They’re even now! XD

Nice to see the whole gang together as A-Fei drags the unconscious Xie Yun to an inn! ChuChu my beloved! ♥

OMG Li Sheng and Yang Jin getting into this peacock fight! XD Li Sheng scolds his sister and Yang Jin is super pissed about it. Li Yan is looking sooo smug, like “Yep that's my very own protective himbo!“ XD

Then Li Sheng is sent off to find Madame Nichang because she at least might know what to do about Xie Yun.

Ding Kui arrives at the Hui Fort. If I understood correctly... Hui Lintao wants to... kill all the cultivators when they arrive for his assembly? Or just those other cultivators that are randomly attacking him? There's traps in the forest they have go through. He specifically mentions that the traps are set after Daoist Master Chongxiao’s design, so hm might Li Sheng be of great help here later? Anyway, that old guy from Disha is there and seems to find all of this very funny. I’m confused.

Mu Xiaoqiao my love!!!!!!! He’s back!!!!  For about 5 seconds but there he is, looking fabulous! ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

Ding Kui (who... has left the Huo Fort I guess) wants to work with him and reminds him of his debt to the Huo Fort. I had forgotten about that.

Oh let’s check in for about a minute on Yin Pei, who is still crazy and slaughters some people... uhm somewhere. He also now calls himself the true Master of Clear Light. [at least I think it’s supposed to be his new name?] Nicely written on the door in blood. Okay then.

But the instrumental of his song plays in the background, making all of this much more epic, so it’s fine.

Madame Nichang arrives, is shocked, and states that Xie Yun is poisoned, as A-Fei feared, and he has a year if he doesn’t use his internal force anymore. A-Fei is devastated and we get their love song while she rubs his (supposedly) ice-cold hand. Oh my heart. T_T

Ying Hecong arrives because he wants to see the poisoned guy! XD He has never heard of tact. 

Since A-Fei is desperate she lets him in, and we get some exposition in bits and pieces. Ying Hecong first assumes that XY must’ve been poisoned about a month ago (which fits the fight against Disha, where he used the needle), but wonders how that could be because Lian Sheng (the poisoner known for bone piercing blue) has been missing for a while longer. He lets slip that he isn’t actually a doctor, uhm yeah....

Oh not A-Fei is so sad and crying, nooooo T_T She’s angry at XY, asking why he had to meddle in her affairs and then leave to just die somewhere alone. Oh nooooo.  ಥ_ಥ ಥ_ಥ ಥ_ಥ

(side note: easy scene for Wang Yibo, just lying there the whole time, no lines for once XD)

A-Fei gets the Tianmen Lock from Madam Nichang (a special lock that has a double lock mechanism that is very difficult to open. Md. Nichang actually alludes to this lock being very useful for lovers and I’m like... okay XD). YunFei are kinky as ever, nothing new here – A-Fei is so pissed at XY that she doesn’t want him to have the chance to run away again. XD

Loved how XY complained about the lock destroying his posture. XD And how Zhou Fei’s like, “It’s not my fault you’re bound like that, Li Sheng is to blame!“ while the flashback tells us, that uhm no, he’s not. XD

Ending with A-Fei telling Yang Jin about the Hai Tian Yi Se. Ah they’re important relics it seems. Well whatever. XY listens in.

I really need to keep on watching, it seems stuff is happening.

[starmakerdotcom]

BLOOMING is the debut single of STARMAKER ENTERTAINMENT’s new boy group BOTANICA, and it’s available digitally and physically. the single was released on july 25, 2020 and was promoted from july 26th until august 31st, however they revived no music show wins. the single contains two tracks, HOME, which serves as the title track, and JUST ONE DAY, a promoted bside.

TRACK LIST:

HOME (title) insp

JUST ONE DAY insp

STYLING:

ERA HIGHLIGHTS:

WOOO HOT HOT DEBUT !!!

sorry i’m just excited

people were sorta iffy on them at first which is very valid w smk’s track record of rookies

but they warmed up to them eventually because THEYRE SO CUTE !!!! they’re SO CUTE SO CUTE

people loved the music video there wasn’t much of an overarching story it was just really pretty

omg they were so happy to debut like especially peach and clover bc they trained for a while . i mean peach was more like “ohmygod :( it’s happening omg :(“ and clover was more “omg fucking FINALLY”

people were the most nasty to jaeyi :((( mostly bc he was with the company for a lot shorter than some other trainees and people were saying he shouldve trained for longer but shut up goeun knows what she’s doing

they had all the support they needed from their seniors anyway :(( fruit basket mentioned them , both soloists mentioned them , and solar were like all up in their business

they’re so close with solar honestly it’s the cutest THEY DID A VLIVE TOGETHER !!!

their interactions just :((( i cant i’m so sorry i actually can’t they have the best bond they’re so comfortable with each other

mostly

a lot of them trained together so some of them knew each other from beforehand !! clover was actually supposed to make it into the solar lineup but he didn’t . no ones ever specified the reason

(it’s bc they didn’t get along if there’s one member of botanica that most of solar don’t get along with its clover)

he was on that same predebut dance team as mj and milo and they just haven’t been close since then ??

i should probably get into the actual debut now ??? that’d be ideal

they didn’t get any wins this time around mostly due to fans taking a while to warm up to them so they weren’t promoted as well as they could’ve been ?

they did manage to get on a few variety shows though and we really got to see their personalities shine :( they’re so funny

they started a vlog series too where we also got to see a lot of their personalities ! and like just how much of a mess they all are like in every single vlog peach is either stressed as fuck or asleep ren is just on a different plane of vibe and in every single one there’s at least one clip of tian eating

tian start a mukbang series on youtube i think we’d all benefit from that

peach had light pink hair and it suited him so well it looked so good

ren’s hair was long and curly and dyed brown ! what i said abt his dead ass scalp

jaeyi had this purple ish colour that looked GORGEOUS omg

clover had bright red hair ! and he ROCKED it

eli had long ish brown hair bc he didn’t cut it out of spite . for who ? who knows

tian’s hair was an obnoxiously bright orange omg it was so bright it gives me a headache

the styling was so pretty it’s annoying these dudes didn’t ever not look good like . all the white and pink and blue

there was a lot of blazers and a lot of oversized button down shirts it’s hard to explain but i know what i’m thinkin of

they also had a lot of flowers :((( they had flowers in their hair for a few of the stages

the makeup . ethereal

someone give the makeup artists a raise right now please thank u

but also the just one day stages . they were always dressed in white it was all white and sparkly they looked so pretty

for one of the stages they were all wearing angel wings :(

ok but then they did a special stage which was a cover of how you like that by blackpink and people lowkey lost their shit over it it was so good but it was like . the complete opposite of their own music but they slayed

they uploaded a dance practice with vocals to the uncensored version and just . CLOVER SAYING “BRING OUT THE BOSS BITCH” THATSE ALL thank u

so uh . overall ? pretty solid debut 10/10 we stan

can’t lie i love the cover look at her she’s lowkey a rip off of the ruby (april) but it’s cool it’s all good

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

I was re-reading the whole story and I've noticed a lot of moments where zhan punched or slapped jian and no one called him abusive but when he tian did it to mo in the past he always got hate. The thing I love the most about tianshan is that they're relationship is not the typical one and not "rainbows and sunshine" but I wouldn't call it abusive either. Where did this double standard come from?

Good evening, dear anon-san!

I have talked about physical violence, comedy, and toxicity a couple of times. Here are some asks that I think could be related to your topic:

HT as the discipliner?

ZZX and violence in the beginning

Is Tianshan (still) toxic?

Is Tianshan toxic, vol. 2?

I might repeat myself a little but I don’t think I have compared Zhanyi and Tianshan this way before. At least not in so many words. Also, for this ask, I’m going to call punches, kicks, and slaps just physical violence. But please don’t jump to any conclusions. In each case, I will be giving it context, so “physical violence” doesn’t equal “toxic abuse”. It’s just easier if I have some kind of quick way to refer to whenever the boys kick, slap, or punch each other.

“Where did this double standard come from?”

I wouldn’t call either Zhanyi or Tianshan abusive but I do think physical violence is different in nature when it comes to the respective relationships. So, I do see why people treat it differently when ZZX kicks JY from when HT kicks MGS. Because they are different, although they both serve their own purposes.

Context is the key here. I don’t think you should call anything abusive or toxic without a proper context which is exactly what makes all the difference here. This is also partly why I don’t think Tianshan is toxic or abusive. If you separate the physical violence of both Zhanyi and Tianshan from their contexts, they become seemingly similar. A punch is a punch.

Let’s take a look at Zhanyi at first. The comedy in 19 Days (especially in the beginning) is largely based on slapstick comedy. A form of humor that strongly exaggerates physical violence (either accidental or intended). Literally, when someone gets slapped, it makes us laugh. You can see this kind of comedy a lot in cartoons, comics, and anime. It’s not “real” violence; it’s merely a comedic moment that doesn’t have longlasting effects.

Doesn’t that sound pretty much like Zhanyi? Usually, this kind of comedic physical violence is built on JY’s crush on ZZX and him not always being able to hold back while ZZX is the one with stricter boundaries. JY, being the oblivious airhead in love that he is, often ends up getting uncomfortably close to ZZX or making some kind of pass at him or otherwise gets on ZZX’s nerves. ZZX gets embarrassed, bothered or annoyed, and all of us wait for him to explode in 3…2…1… (ch. 1, 4-5, 9-13, 23-24, 29, 30-31, 34, 62, 73, 86, 88, 92, 106, 121, 129, 137, 171, 206, 247, 253):

Even listed like that, ZZX’s physically violent behavior starts to look kind of bad. But if you remember to read them as a part of their context their meaning shifts quite significantly. Prior to those slaps, punches or kicks, JY had:

touched ZZX’s personal stuff without permission

suddenly kissed him on the lips

refused to get up

destroyed ZZX’s precious stuff by being careless

drooled on ZZX’s shirt

suddenly gotten in ZZX’s face and startled him

tried to hold ZZX’s hand while drunk

been pushy with physical affection

practically made love to ZZX’s blanket

been overall an idiot

suggested they took a bath together to save water

squeezed ZZX’s butt

nearly toppled ZZX over

wiped his snotty nose on ZZX’s shirt

jumped him

suddenly wrapped his legs around ZZX’s waist and locked him in an awkward position on top of JY

tricked ZZX with a lollipop he had already sucked on

suddenly flashed his dick when ZZX wanted to have a serious talk

told something embarrassing about ZZX to someone

and finally ripped his jeans while trying to feel ZZX up.

When you put the physical violence in all of that context, it suddenly becomes something else than ZZX being abusive towards JY. Especially when you’re familiar with the characters, what kind of relationship they have, and 19 Days as a publication. So no, I wouldn’t call the physical violence in Zhanyi abusive or ZZX an abusive character. We realize the bruises, bumps and bloody noses are there for a laugh and they’re “healed” by the next panel.

Besides for the comic relief, ZZX also seems to get physical if JY had made him worry (ch. 179, 181, 198):

In a way, that fits Zhanyi as well. ZZX is the protector and JY the one who’s weaker and yet often careless and oblivious. Giving JY a hefty slap in the head is a way for ZZX to take his relief out on something. Could he do something else instead? Sure. But I don’t think that still makes him an abusive character. It’s just an exaggerated way to show how worried he is about JY.

As far as my interpretations go, there has been one occasion when the physical violence in Zhanyi got darker (ch. 141):

Usually, when JY makes a pass at ZZX, it’s lighthearted and comedic in nature. They could have been brushed off as jokes and JY just messing around. That kiss was different, though. In his panic-hazed bout of seizing the moment, JY did something he had wanted to do for years. It wasn’t a joke anymore, and his unrequited love was suddenly there for both of them to see. ZZX’s reaction was more than expected, but the violence was different in nature. He wasn’t comedically annoyed but shocked and upset. However, even this occasion doesn’t come across as “abusive” to me. Rather it was about something that had been simmering under the surface for a long time suddenly bursting out in the open, raw, vulnerable and potentially destructive. By ZZX seemingly reacting the same as always, it was cleverly demonstrated how it wasn’t the same at all.

Now, what about Tianshan? HT and Tianshan are often called abusive and toxic. Personally, I can see where people who think so are coming from even if I don’t interpret HT’s character and their relationship the same way. There is physical violence in Tianshan - there’s no denying that - but again, it’s the context that matters and gives it a purpose, so to speak.

Whereas physical violence in Zhanyi’s case was mainly about comic relief, in Tianshan’s case it’s often about two strong-willed personalities clashing (ch. 138, 160, 222):

Where ZZX slapping, punching or kicking JY is funny to us, HT’s character uses physical violence to overpower and dominate MGS. And it’s rather easy to call that kind of behavior abusive - but again, the nature of it shifts when put into its context.

HT had to use force to get through to MGS who was blinded by his suspicions and distrust due to bad past experiences. Neither of them was wrong and had reasons for acting the way they did. HT needed to assert control to turn MGS’s direction around and make him listen. MGS wasn’t going to yield to mere words, and while HT thought his stubbornness was good and showed he had principles, MGS was still not to ignore HT’s orders. HT took control by force, but I do think it was unavoidable and in a way helped to create a sense of security and trust. In some ways, HT acted like a parent and set strict boundaries for MGS. But again if you take all of that context away, HT’s behavior comes across quite darker and abusive.

Of course, it’s possible some people interpret the physical violence in Tianshan as abusive even in its context. And I can kind of see where those people are coming from even if I don’t personally read the story the same way. Even if in context, HT still clearly used physical force and didn’t give MGS an option. The thing is, though, I don’t really have a problem with HT behaving like he did. For the most part, I’m not bothered by HT being physically pushy or MGS more or less resisting him. It’s one of the things that appeals to me in Tianshan. And if their relationships became drastically different in that sense, I would find it quite out of character for them. However, that also means Tianshan is most probably always going to come across as abusive to some people.

To summarize, I don’t think either Zhanyi or Tianshan is abusive but the physical violence in them is different in nature. And that naturally results in people viewing the seemingly same acts differently. Some people don’t have a problem with physical violence when it comes to slapstick comedy (although, I have seen people calling ZZX abusive, too) but they do think HT’s kind of physical violence is different and actually abusive. Again, I don’t really agree about Tianshan but the “double standard” makes sense because they’re not the same.

In a way, “abusive” and “toxic” are in the eye of the beholder. And we all have different levels of tolerance for it before it starts to change our opinions about the fictional relationship. And I don’t have a problem with that - we all have our taste and what appeals to us personally. However, I’ve come to found out that when people are quick to cry “abusive” at every turn, the context is often forgotten or ignored altogether. The bigger picture. The question of “why is this happening this way?”. “Toxic” and “abusive” have become moral high horses of sorts to make people feel good about themselves and, if possible, to guilt-trip others in the process.

Thank you for your question, dear anon-san!

[quodekash]

this kid getting lost is such a mood

except for me its not "getting lost on the way to the top of a mountain that's really dangerous and far away to get to", it's more like "getting lost on the way to a friend's place who lives 15 minutes away, while they were trying to tell you where to go, and also whose house you have been to more times than you can count, but then you had to sit at a playground and wait for them to come pick you up because youre just that hopeless at navigation"

WAIT THIS IS SO FUNNY

THEY'RE IN THE SAME PLACE AGAIN

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING I WOULD DO OML

stop i might cry

this kid is amazing

i would trust him to guide me into the afterlife

he could take over charon's job fr

PLS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

im shivering so much rn, leeches give me the heebiejeebies more than like. anything

i smell merch??

(side note: why are earth/phu's arms so veiny in that shot)

i just love him so much

i hate children but i would adopt this one and take care of him better than hes ever been taken care of before

HSDHSDHHDS

HIS ONE CHARACTER TRAIT IS LOVING HOW PRAN SMELLS AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH

he's just so silly

their father/son dynamic will be the end of me

especially when i think about pat and his relationship with his actual dad :(

PLS EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS SO OVERDRAMATIC

PHU POINTING A GUN AT A BUSH WHEN ITS DEFINITELY JUST GONNA BE ONE OF THE LOST GUYS

PAT TRIPPING OVER A ROOT

PRAN AND TIAN GRIPPING FOR DEAR LIFE SO THAT THEY CAN MAKE IT UP A SLIGHT HILL

IF THEY LOSE THEIR GRIP, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN

ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

BUT ALSO ITS SO UNNECESSARILY DRAMATIC

AND THIS IS COMING FROM A DRAMA KID

SEE????

i love him so much

GUYS CALM DOWN OMG

I CANT STOP LAUGHING

ITS LITERALLY GOING TO BE FINE

SEE????

also once again: his arm is so veiny???

THEM <33333333

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

GERHSGBDRHV

these dramatic-ass gays

(i was gonna say something about the importance of grammar there and the hyphen needing to be where it is for it to be right / make sense, but "dramatic ass-gays" would also work)

LOOK AT THEMMMMM

PHUTIAN WALKING WITH THEIR SON BETWEEN THEM LIKE THE DADS THEY ARE, AND THEIR ADOPTED SONS PATPRAN WALKING WITH THEIR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER

THEY ALL MEAN SO MUCH TO ME

wait how long were they gone for

HIS SMILE <3

HIS DIMPLES <3

PAT'S FACE ON THE SIDE THERE <3

T H E Y A R E D A D S

are you sure about that

theyre so important to me

<3

i really want noodles now

its 1am and i want noodles

theyre listening carefully to all the tea, tuning in to the drama

its just, some are more discreet about it than others

look at this little guy

just enjoying his noodles while the adults do their adult things

i love him so very very much

something about this image is just so funny to me

i think its the kid

i genuinely forgot his name

but i love him so much

as a 158cm tall (5'2) person, i dont like how tall they all are

knowing that ohm is 186cm tall and nanon and earth are 183cm hurts me on a deep emotional level

theyre so small. theyre such tiny little silly guys. and yet theyre all more than 20cm taller than me.

honestly i agree

he's wonderful

he's multi-talented

just like sound

by the way, soundwin = patpran and if you dont believe me, click here! (that was a seamless transition into a very casual self promo)

holy hell i love this child so much

i would protect Kampung with my freaking life

i would die for him without a second thought

i should also probably do that

my eyes keep going shut so then i need to pause the episode for like twelve seconds so i can get a little bit of sleep

its getting more and more difficult, though

i think ill finish in the morning, it's saturday tomorrow

goodnight!! bye-bye!!

[zhanxixis]

I don't know if you know kpop but if you were to put the boys of 19 days in a kpop group what headcanons do you have for them? Positions? I love you 💗

(´♡‿♡`) hello, first of all that ‘I love you’ warmed my heart more than you can imagine and I probably wouldn’t be able to convey my gratitude for your kindness no matter how much I tried. now to answer your question… unfortunately I know literally nothing about kpop besides the fact that its korean pop. I once watched a compilation video of some funny moments between kpop stars but I don’t have enough knowledge on what positions there are for kpop or how that industry works, the training etc. so I don’t think I will be able to answer this and for that I apologize immensely. 

however, I don’t want to leave you completely hanging — so, since I had another message in my ask box to which I believe is slightly similar to your own question, maybe you would be interested to know what I think regarding this as well since it also has to do with music/roles. I hope this will be able to make up for that.

question from this anon in short is: what do you think their band roles are?

the post they are mentioning that I reblogged is this one in case anyone is wondering. I agree it is strange that some people believe if someone already has an instrument to play it means they cannot be the vocalist, its a very false thing to believe; but maybe they just don’t know or forgot thats not really how bands work most of the time. in fact the majority of singers in bands do, do more than only singing and often play an extra instrument; its actually less common for vocalists to only sing in a rock band. 

now to get to actually answering the questions, I think the official artwork which straight up show what they play, as well as hints, and their personalities help to give away what roles they have in the rock band illustrations old xian has drawn. to help explain, I think the positions they have will be similar to how it is in the story ‘given’ by kizu natsuki (which if you haven’t read yet, go read it now, its amazing. mafuyama are my otp, I’ve been reading it for years). you can see their band roles in an edit I made here. essentially there is a vocalist/guitarist, drummer, another guitarist, and a bassist. so this is what I think:

jian yi is the vocalist/guitarist:

(some images taken by the microphone post made by radonyx)

as you can see jian yi has a deep red guitar, which peek — also happens to match zhan zheng xi’s deep red drum set, strapped around himself in the top left image so its automatically a given that he will be playing the guitar. a regular guitar typically has six strings and its sound a bit lighter compared to bass guitars which I think would pair well with jian yi’s voice, who I believe to be the vocalist. jian yi has a very boisterous, outgoing personality, and is far from shy so this role, usually put at the forefront + center of attention, wouldn’t particularly bother him. and not only does he seem comfortable enough for the part — as you, I, and apparently some others believe, it looks to be that there is a silver microphone peeking through, hiding behind zhan zheng xi’s drum set. of course this is just speculation, but it very closely resembles microphones that have a flat top and doesn’t look like it could be much else. its seems to be that zhan zheng xi and jian yi like to keep their instruments together backstage from the official illustrations provided; however, there is a reason I believe zhan zheng xi wouldn’t be the singer out of the two which I will get to later. I imagine jian yi to look something like this:

singing with his guitar in his hands (illustration taken from the promotion of the anime ‘given’ which will be coming out soon). and here is a quote that old xian put in their new artbook  (it goes with the illustration of zhanyi wearing matching rings and jian yi with his nails painted black) translated by the lovely @thingsthatfml.

“In the backstage of a musical performance,where the staff run restlessly and busily, only when I sit beside you do I feel at ease/feel the most safe.” 

it’s a nice quote and its one I see in the point of view of jian yi who may be feeling a bit nervous before a show; he goes to find comfort and the feeling of protection from his safe haven, the love of his life — and sits beside zhan zheng xi who has sworn him protection since they were young and has always showed him the most care and love in his life. if you would like, check out this amazing fanart of jian yi singing made by trmk1. it is one of my favorite fanarts of him ever.

zhan zheng xi is the drummer:

as shown in the illustrations above, zhan zheng xi is displayed holding drumsticks in his hands with his deep red drum set nearby him — so it’s automatically a given by old xian that zhan zheng xi would be the drummer, and it makes sense because it fits his personality well. its an instrument that is never typically in the front and center and is usually in the background, which goes well with his very ‘keep to myself’ (unless you’re jian yi) personality; now while I don’t think zhan zheng xi is shy, he is not outgoing either. zhan zheng xi is sociable when needed to be but isn’t one to want the spotlight on himself so this is why, for me, he wouldn’t be the vocalist (even though his deep, husky singing voice would no doubt be hot, him being the vocalist in a band doesn’t feel as though it goes with his personality). drummers are also usually the main one responsible for the rhythm of a song, generating a beat and timing for others to follow. drummers also need to know how to accentuate/highlight the rhythms, volume, and have speedy reflexes to go well with certain instruments or quick vocal changes — a responsibility which would be handled well with a serious man like zhan zheng xi.

he tian is the bassist:

he tian would be the one to play the bass guitar. as shown above, his guitar is black and white with 6 strings. a bass guitar usually has anywhere from 4-6 strings. the sounds of a bass guitar in contrast to a regular one is that a bass guitar’s notes are about an octave lower — it sounders deeper than a normal guitar, which is what jian yi and mo would play. bass guitars are also usually a bit larger with a longer neck than regular guitars. I see he tian as the type to try to chase and master something that would be more of a challenge for him, so he would probably go with the one with more strings (plus as shown in the image above, his guitar has 6 strings). bass guitars are also known to be an instrument that works well with the drum set to create a good, cohesive rhythm and/or harmony. the bass guitar is probably something he would master quickly. he tian would probably be the second likely one to sing if not jian yi, given that he is also outgoing like jian yi and doesn’t appear to be very shy; however, to me, he  doesn’t seem the type to be the first one to jump at the opportunity to sing either. 

mo guan shan is another guitarist:

like jian yi, mo seems to be interested in guitars as heavily hinted in chapter 226 when he passes by a store displaying guitars and he seems to pause and stare at them longingly. normal guitars usually give the player more freedom to go off script with its lighter sounds and for mo it would fit him best because he could control how intricate (or not) he wants his sounds to be, how much attention he wants to attract with it etc., and given his nature of wanting to be as far away from the spotlight as possible, this would be the most comfortable role for him since he would have control over the amount of attention he could grab, essentially just doing what makes him most comfortable. out of everyone he is the least likely to be the vocalist as it wouldn’t fit his character, because being the vocalist usually means being at the forefront and center of display and that is exactly what he despises the most — it’s makes him extremely uncomfortable and he hates, hates, hates it which is also one of the reasons why in chapter 216 he didn’t want to be a model even though the job had good pay.

so in conclusion, I think their band roles are: jian yi = vocalist & guitarist, zhan zheng xi = drummer, he tian = bassist, and mo guan shan = guitarist.

[tazzmanien]

The Tian Guan Ci Fu (Heaven Official’s Blessing) Review

Okay I’m doing it finally. Sorry if it ended up way too long, but in my defense the novel itself was huge so…

First of all I will not be comparing this novel with any of the other MXTX novels, but I just want to tell you this is definitely my new favorite for several reasons, but mostly its love story. If you want to know more write me I will gladly talk more about this.

I read in many posts everywhere that Hualian invented love. Well you know what, there is really no lie there. Theirs is one of the most beautiful love stories out there.

So, before I go into the details, please just go and read the novel!!! NOW! 

The good:

Usually I would like to say a few words about the writing style and quality, but as I’ve only read a translation of the novel I don’t think I can tell you much about it. The translation was very easy to read, so I’m guessing the novel can’t be too extravagant or bad either. BTW thank you everyone who is doing translations for FREE. You all are angels!

The novel was quite long, but the moment you step into the world you would wish it was longer. Every character has their own story and they needs time to evolve, so I really liked its length, but also not so much. Check out the bad for more information.

I liked how the story took place in three realms and different times. I know some get confused by such switches, but I tend to enjoy them very much. I think the heaven and the ghost city were so diverse, that I can’t wait to see them play out in whatever visual adaptation. I feel like this time around MXTX finally explained the actual world with more detail, which made it easier for me to imagine myself strolling through the ghost city market buying sum forbidden rubbish, or watching the moon up close while seated in a garden in heaven. I could see, smell, feel, hear and sometimes unfortunately even taste many things and that is what I think good writing should be about. The things that weren’t described in detail made it even more fun, as one could work with their own imagination (this might be a bad thing for visual adaptations, just saying). And some of you might remember I complained before that if one has no prior knowledge about the whole cultivation, eastern religion and xianxia stuff, then you might have issues reading MXTX books, well this did not change, but I guess I’m starting to appreciate it, as my own imagination created a whole new version of what this whole thing was meant to be. Still, I should have probably listed this in the bad part as well.

The main plot was very interesting and at times even slightly surprising. Mostly it was quite predictable, but I think writing does not have to invent itself every time again, but it has to give some sort of satisfaction at the end. If a story is predictable deep down to every little detail, this is not a huge issues if the story has other strengths. And this one had a nice mix of both.

It did have some parts which appalled me, but you know what, this was actually a good thing. Like I felt a lot of things, even though I really didn’t want to. The things that were disgusting, really actually disgusted me. The things that were supposed to make you angry, made me go nuts. The things that should have made you happy, made my grin like a maniac. But worst of all, were the things that existed to hurt you, they ripped out my heart and shredded it in front of me while I was still conscious. So all in all, yeah even the bad parts about the plot served a purpose. If you are good at keeping track on the main plot while diving into hundreds of subplots, then I would say it was easy to follow. I think this was okay, but the other way around (remembering the subplots) I would argue differently (more in the bad). Nevertheless, some of the subplots were so beautiful that I think they might have deserved their own novel, but isn’t that the case with all good stories?

On a side note, I don’t know if that was intended or if I just saw things that weren’t there, but was the hidden plot actually about how wrong idolizing people is and how it feels to go through post traumatic stress? I might write some more on this in a separate post, I just wanted to get it off my chest here.

Now my favorite part of any MXTX novel: the characters. Honestly, I can’t remember many stories where I loved every character. But MXTX did it again, I loved all of them, even the ones I hated. Once again the way the side characters were introduced, involved in the main story and the main guys, had their own very individual nature and lifes and fought with their own challenges was beautiful. Every character had their own aura (for the lack of a better word). Yeah I like to make fun of this but it’s true nevertheless: most of them had sad histories or were living their nightmares while the plot evolved, however, this was good as it made me appreciate the few sunreys that were able to shine through the clouds even more. As I said, I hated quite a few of them, but either they had their moment one had to love them for or they served another purpose, like propelling other characters to become what they were meant to be or drive the overall plot. And none of this felt forced. So to make it short wow!

And last but no least, the main characters and their love story. 

Xie Lian, our protagonist, my angel my only god the life of my love (yeah I used this one already, sue me), is an adorkable martial arts badass/nerd with the worst luck and cooking skills and spiderman reflexes. He is a true neutral, treats everyone with the same respect, just the way a god should be. He is so genuine in every aspect of his being. He is fully aware of all his shortcomings and all the wrongs he has done, but he still hasn’t lost the good in him and the will to act righteously. He is just so so human, that each of us could learn a little from him. I mean he even warns the freaking demon king to not think too highly of him, because he might disappoint him. And what does Hua Cheng do? He calls him his hope! So XL gives the cruelest of all the demons hope. This shows how perfectly imperfect and inspirational XL is. The world does not deserve him, yet still treats him the worst it can. He lost everything, EVERYTHING! Still he somehow came out to be this beautiful being. The only consolation we get is that at least he gets to have Hua Cheng in his life.

And Hua Cheng, he is the only man out there! Towards Xie Lian he is gentle, loving, understanding, supportive, patient, strong, funny and all sorts of beautiful things. With everyone else he is everything you would expect of a demon king to be and none of it a the same time. He is unpredictable in all things that are not Xie Lian. He does so many good deeds that one would forget that he is a demon king, but he hates, is cruel, intimidating, has killed and is mischievous through and through. Even though we don’t get to see everything about him (see the bad), we know him to be the perfect grey character. Also he proves to be the realest of them all, he stands by everything he says and does and I respect that a lot. He shows his anger and love equally and acts upon both equally. And is so freaking intelligent, handsome, sensual, seductive and cute, that I am actually fearing of being in love with a fictional character. The butterflies are a nice touch btw.

Yes, you are right, we all tend to praise almost every main couple, when the love story is good, but please hear me out. Both of them individually are just perfect in their own imperfect way and together they are the definition of true love. Their first encounter was magical to say the least. Without having any prior knowledge about the overall story or how their love would come to be, I was bewitched from the first moment they both shared the “screen”. I could feel the air stilling, just so I could give my full attention to them falling in love (yeah I know one was already head over heels before that meeting, but that is beside the point). And boy, the way they were falling. It was so realistic and yet hopelessly romantic, that I will use them as the perfect example to show people what it feels like to fall and be in love. 

The bad:

The length and some subplots… Yes well it was quite strenuous to follow the happenings, as every character had their own huge side story. While I loved to know every single bit of their stories, sometimes it took me a while to get back on track in the main story and many many times I totally forgot about some subplots later in the novel and was like “where is the other character now? why don’t we see them anymore?”. Despite its length, some characters stories were either only told from the view of the protagonist and lost a lot of what was going on deep down, or some characters stories had huge gaps even. Sure, it was not their story and we can be happy we even got something, but at some point I was kinda disappointed to be teased about a character and never get to find out what happened or how they felt. So I would have enjoyed an even longer book even if the one now was too long. Do you get what I mean? At the end of the day I can actually forget and forgive all except the fact that we never got to see some sides of Hua Cheng and had to read between the lines to understand his motives and feelings a little better. I need a whole book about him only to be honest. 

So my next bad thing, might actually be inaccurate if I’d knew more about Hua Cheng. This part is probably highly subjective, but I feel like Hua Cheng was not demonic enough. You know, in my head I pictured him to be a real demon, including the looks and what he is doing. How else would he become a demon king? I mean the looks were pretty much on point, I just feel like all the other characters either ignored it or didn’t care and the fandom just makes him look more like a human being. And yes he treats many badly, but in my opinion not bad enough. It feels like all his good deeds got more screen time and his bad deeds were either justified by something good or not really shown.

Not sure if it was only my short attention span or if that was the case, but I felt like the living world was not described as good as the heaven and ghost city. 

Conclusion:

I would recommend this novel to everyone who wants to feel love, but is not afraid to hurt a LOT. If you are searching for a story with some human or heavenly goodness, good friendships, good families, just decent people, then this is not a book for you. Xie Lian is the only exception of course and he is worth every tear you are 100% going to shed.

Just go and read the book! Please. And come back to me and talk about it with me :)

[trashyswitch]

The Roaring 20′s

New Years Eve is finally here, and the Egos have opened up the bar to party! Chase, Jackie, Shawn and Henrik end up getting a little too drunk, and JJ and Marvin have to keep things under control.

Thankfully, everyone seems to be happy, playful and silly right now. This could be easy!...right?

There's a few swears in this fanfic. Just be warned.

It's New Years Eve, and the Egos have opened up the bar for some good ol' fashioned partying! A little known fact about Jamie: He is an AMAZING bartender! He can come up with those well-known alcoholic blends on the fly! How? He simply memorized them from working full-time as a bartender for many years, before his entertainment career took off! So, Jamie was volunteering behind the counter, serving up the Ego's favorite drinks. He was also keeping in mind how much each ego was drinking. Knowing Chase, he might end up overdoing it. Shawn was known for overdoing the drinks as well, so he'd have to keep an eye on both of them. Thankfully, Marvin didn't appear to be drinking very much. Telling by the cup in his hand, Marvin was most likely drinking something. But it was barely anything compared to the other Egos.

"Hey Jamie, my man! Can I have one of those Jack and cokes please?" Chase asked. Jamie smiled, nodded his head and took his glass back. He placed a few ice cubes into the glass, dumped some Jack Daniel's whiskey into the glass, and filled the rest of it with Coca Cola. Then, he handed it to Chase and put the lid back onto the Jack Daniel's.

"Thanks! You're the best! How long have you been bartending for?" Chase asked, taking a sip of his cocktail.

'35 years.' Jamie signed back. Chase choked on his drink.

"How old are you again?!" Chase asked, wide-eyed. Jamie laughed, and clapped his hands in amusement.

'Do you really wanna know?' Jamie asked, still silently laughing in both amusement and embarrassment.

"Yeah! How old are ya?" Chase repeated. Jamie shook his head with a big smile on his face.

'Older than I look, that's for sure.' Jamie replied.

"Aw, come on man! Specify!" Chase whined.

Jamie bursted out into another fit of laughter. He took a moment to calm down, before answering his question. 'Honestly? Older than the World War II survivors. I should be dead.' Jamie replied, before falling into another fit of laughter. Chase's face went pale, as he slowly, and awkwardly, placed his drink down on the coaster in front of him.

"Jesus...You're older than most of the boomers that are still living..." Chase muttered.

Jamie sighed. "Uncultured millennial's..." Jamie joked.

Chase gasped, causing Jamie to burst out laughing once again. "HEY! How DARE you make fun of me! I'll have you know, that the millennial's are the most well-behaved generation so far!" Chase argued.

'Is that true? Or is that just your biased opinion?' Jamie asked.

"He's right." Henrik butted in. "Millennial's are zhe most vell-behaved generation, according to scientists." Henrik clarified.

'Well, I'm not surprised. My generation was drinking, partying and having sex every evening.' Jamie mentioned.

"That's true." Chase agreed.

"And surprizingly, not a lot has changed, over zhe years..." Henrik muttered, before sipping on his drink. Jamie giggled at Henrik's last remark.

15 minutes later:

"Hey guys! I have a funny idea! Let's watch Unus Annus on YouTube! I'd like to see what kind of hilarious content is going up on that!" Chase suggested excitedly.

"Oh dear god...Not ZHIS again!" Henrik sighed, rubbing his nose.

Jamie clapped his hands, and pointed both index fingers at Chase. 'Let's do it!' Jamie signed excitedly.

"I'll get it ready!" Jackie yelled, running to Chase's room to grab the computer and the HDMI cord.

In a few minutes, all 6 egos were sitting on chairs in the living room, flipping through the channel and its content.

"Which one? We've got loooots of content to watch!" Chase asked.

"OOH! COOKING WITH-"

"NEIN! VE ARE NOT VATCHING ZHAT VONE!" Henrik interrupted Jackie.

"Awww...you're no fun..." Jackie whined.

"What about turning Ethan into a mummy?" Chase suggested.

"Sure!" Shawn replied.

'Good choice!' Jamie signed.

"Okay. Zhat's user friendly." Henrik replied.

Chase turned on the video, and sat down.

[After the year long countdown played, Ethan started describing what he wanted his body to be mummified with, and surrounded by. Soon, the pair found a Ted Talk on making a Mummy.

"Are you gonna have to put your hand in my mouth?!" Ethan asked in surprise and horror.

"Oooh yeah." Mark said in a smooth voice.

"Noooooo..." Ethan said in a monotone voice.]

"I don't like how sexy that sounded..." Marvin admitted. Chase bursted out laughing at the remark.

[The narrator started explaining the process, telling Mark and Ethan about the spike hammered into the skull, the mashing of the brain, flushing it from the nose, and the pouring of the tree resin into the skull.

"It's a Neti Pot!" Ethan exclaimed.

"What?!" Mark reacted to Ethan's remark.

"We've done step three already!" Ethan added. Mark bursted out in deep laughter.]

"What- when did they do that?" Shawn asked.

"They used a Neti Pot in a previous video." Chase explained.

"It's a nose-cleansing device. You put it in your right nostril, it runs through zhe right nostril, and out zhe left nostril." Henrik explained.

Jamie's facial expression turned to horror, as he covered his nose and mouth in pure horror. Chase laughed at Jamie's reaction, before looking back at the video.

[The duo discover through doing the Unus Annus videos, they've already done the first few steps of mummification.]

"I feel like we're skipping a few videos by choosing this one..." Shawn commented.

"Kinda, but not really." Chase replied.

[Mark comments on how Ethan speaks normally off camera.

"You're like uh, you're like uh...Yu-Gi-Oh! You're like Yu-Gi-Oh! When you open the EGYP-TIAN...pyramid-"

Ethan's hair gets covered by a PNG image of Yu-Gi-Oh's hair, and the background slowly changes to an action-based animation from the Yu-Gi-Oh anime.

"-Turn into another person!" Mark finishes.

"It's...all connected." Ethan exclaims, clapping the bottom of his right hand, over the palm of his left hand.]

Jamie, Jackie and Chase all laughed at the Yu-Gi-Oh transformation.

["How are we gonna do the first steps?" Ethan asked, as he laid on the table.

"I am going to suck out your brain, with this patented brain sucker." Mark replied, showing Ethan the box that said NOSEFRIDA on the front.

"OH! MY GOD!" Ethan yelled, in silly horror.]

"Hahahaha! Zhat's PERFECT!" Henrik laughed.

"What is it?" Marvin asked.

"He explains it." Chase replied.

["This is meant to suck the snot out of baby's noses." Mark explained.]

"Oh...OH NO!" Marvin exclaimed, laughing in slight horror.

["What if I..." Mark said, before walking away. "I'll be right back." Mark said, leaving through the white door on the right.

Suddenly, Mark came barreling into the room, with a sucking device, shaped like a gun.

"DON'T put it in your nose, if it's going in mine!" Ethan warned. "Now remember: The safe word is please." Ethan said, making Mark laugh.]

"OH GOD NO!" Jackie reacted, covering his mouth and nose with his hands.

[After a first attempt, it was discovered that Mark, will certainly, have to do it himself.

"Fine. I will SUCK! THE FUCK! out of your brains!" Mark declared, bending down to his knees.]

Marvin and Jamie laughed at that.

[Mark put the end of the tube in his mouth, and started sucking.]

Chase gasped. "EWW! OHOHO MY GAHAHAD!" Chase shouted, laughing in pure disgust.

"That's DISGUSTING!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Do people have to actually do that to their babies?!" Marvin asked.

"Yup! I've done it once. But, it's a lot less uncomfortable when it's your baby. When a MAN, is sucking the SNOT out of ANOTHER MAN, THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER STORY!" Chase replied.

[After the sucking part, Mark and Ethan moved onto the guts part.

"I think, for you, more than just your heart is is the seed of your soul. I think your tum tum-" "I think your gutty wutty's-" "Livvy witty-" "Panc-wee-essy-" Mark cooed. Ethan bursted out in flustered giggles]

"Hahaha! That's adowable!" Chase cooed.

Jamie's face turned slightly red. 'Stop.' Jamie signed.

"What? Why? Are you embawassed? Is de wittwe boy embawassed?" Chase asked in a baby voice.

Jamie covered his face in embarrassment, and nodded.

"Awww! That's SOOO adowable! Where are those dimples? I wanna see those dimples!" Chase cooed, wiggling his fingers to further tease the man.

Jamie removed his hands to sign. 'Stop please!" Jamie signed.

"THERE'S those adowable dimples! I see them! Oh yes, I see them!" Chase cooed, poking and squeezing Jamie's cheeks.

Jamie, already embarrassed as it is, was now getting his cheeks squeezed like a baby?! That's taking it to another level. Even though he was a father who knew how to tease a person to oblivion, Jamie still knew how to embarrass Chase back. Jamie reached his hands out, and skittered his fingers under Chase's armpits.

"AHAHA! SHIT! NOHO! JA-HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Chase bursted out loudly, bouncing back, and feeling his back hit the couch with a thump. Jamie took advantage of the situation and continued his tickle attack.

"Ooooh! Looks like Jamie's got the upper hand! Let's see how long THIS lasts!" Jackie cheered.

Shawn, who giggling at the sight, quietly got up behind the dapper boy and squeezed Jamie's sides. Jamie squealed in surprise, and giggled as Shawn start spidering his fingers on his sides. However, Jamie wasn't giving up so easily...Jamie reached his hands behind him, and felt his hands touch someone's knee. sensing who's it was, Jamie smirked, wrapped his fingers around the top of his knee and squeezed.

"AH! Gahahad dahahahamn ihihit!" Shawn let out, letting go and falling into a puddle of giggles. Jamie quickly whipped himself around, lifted up Shawn's leg and skittered his fingers under Shawn's knee.

"BAHAhahahahaha! Yohohohou suhuhuhuhuhuck!" Shawn yelled, bursting into even more laughter.

Jamie's choice to ignore Chase, ended up being a big mistake. Because before Jamie could stop it, Chase had grabbed his ankle, pulled off his shoe, and started scratching his socked foot. Jamie's whole body jolted, before dropping the leg and attempting to scoot away and pull his foot free. But Jamie had fallen into a trap! He had scooted himself into Shawn's arms! Shawn pushed his arms through Jamie's armpits, and held him down.

"Now Chase! Get 'em!" Shawn commanded quickly. Chase wasted no time, as he continued scratching and wiggling his fingers on specific spots on his foot. Jamie arched his back and silently laughed as a bad spot on his foot was attacked wildly. Refusing to get stuck like this forever, Jamie kept his back arched and got ready to reach his hands back.

All of a sudden, Chase moved his fingers to the inner arch of Jamie's foot. Uh oh! Not good! Jamie threw his head back as the new spot was scratched, and wounded up delaying his attack for a couple seconds. With his mind focused once again, Jamie reached his hands behind him.

"Oh no you don't!" Shawn warned, wrapping his arms around Jamie's to stop him. However, That ended up helping Jamie in the long run! Jamie felt for somewhere on his sides. Feeling his hands touch Shawn's hips, he wasted no time and drilled his fingers right into Shawn's hips.

"AAAH! WAIT! JAHAHAHAMIE! NAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Shawn bursted out, falling into a fit of hysterical laughter.

Chase stopped for a moment. "What- How are you so flexible?!" Chase exclaimed, unable to relate.

Shawn, who was still trying to keep Jamie detained, tried to stay focused on holding onto him, while Jamie attacked his worst spot. Though, he wasn't making it easy for him. Jamie had fallen into a pattern of wiggling, and drilling. Wiggling, and drilling. continuing his drilling, before switching to wiggling. He stayed wiggling for a little while, before drilling AND wiggling at the same time.

"JAHAHAHAMIHIHIE! PLEHEHEHEASE! I CAHAHAN'T TAHAHAHAKE IHIHIHIT!" Shawn pleaded.

"I think the only way you're getting out of this one, is by letting go of the guy." Marvin commented, snickering at Jamie's shit-eating grin.

Jamie winked at Marvin, before he switched tactics from wiggling in the hollows of his hips, to drilling his ring fingers into the back of his hips.

"WAHAHAIT! NOHOHOT THERE! NOT THEHEHEHERE!" Shawn shouted.

Jamie changed from drilling, to wiggling. He wiggled, and wiggled and wiggled, until he switched to his middle fingers from the first set getting tired.

"WAI- SHIHIHIHIHIT! OKAHAHAHAY! OHOHOKAHAHAHAY!!" Shawn shouted, removing his arms as quick as possible, and flopping his arms above his head in surrender. Jamie tried to get off the couch, but ended up falling off the couch due to his foot still being stuck. His head and his back was against the ground, while his feet were still on the couch. His right foot was sitting there lazily, while his left foot was still captured by Chase's hand.

"Ouch...How did that feel?" Chase asked, referring to his head. Jamie rolled his eyes and gave him the middle finger.

"Bahahaha! Yeah! Go give yourself a fuck, Chase!" Marvin yelled. Henrik guffawed and covered his mouth, remembering the game the quote was from. Chase's jaw dropped, as he turned his head to Marvin.

"How about you shut your mouth before I shut it for you?" Chase threatened, jumping up, and sprinting to take down Marvin.

"Wha- WaitwaitWAITWAIT WAIT! CHASE! I'M SORRY! DO-" Chase picked up Marvin, placed his back onto the back of the couch, and pushed him over. Marvin's body did a full 180, before his head landed on the couch seat, and his legs rested on the back of the couch. Marvin was essentially sitting upside down on the couch. For Chase, that was exactly what he wanted. Chase grabbed Marvin's ankles and readied them under his arm.

"What are you even doing? Play wrestling? OoooOOOHHH GOHOHOD! AW COHOHOME OHOHOHON, MAHAHAN!" Marvin yelled, bursting into laughter as the soles of his feet were being scratched by Chase's fingers.

"Hey! You started it with your Little Misfortune bologna. I'm just returning the favor!" Chase shot back, scratching on the underside of his heel. Marvin's laughter turned to cackles, as he shook his head and flailed his arms. Chase had him in a position where, if he wanted revenge, he was gonna need a lot of core strength. Unfortunately for him, that was one thing he lacked.

Not only that, but during his squirming, Marvin's shirt had fallen down a bit, exposing his belly a little bit. Henrik, who was sitting right beside the upside down laughing magician, couldn't help but smile and lift his right hand up to the exposed tummy.

"Somevone's got a cute leetle tummy, I see. Boop! Boop boop boop!" Henrik complimented, giving his belly and his belly button a few pokes and scratches.

"HEHEHEHEHEY! NOHOHOT YOU TOOHOHOHOHOHO! THIHIHIS IHIHIS UHUHUNFAHAHAHAHAIR!" Marvin yelled through his laughter. He tried to cover up his stomach, but Henrik grabbed his wrists and pushed them against the couch cushion. With his dominant hand, he continued to skitter his fingers on Marvin's tummy.

"PLEHEHEHEHEHEASE!" Marvin begged.

"Please vhat? Please tickle you more? Alright! Shawn?" Henrik said, turning his head towards Shawn. "Do you have a paint brush vizh you?" Henrik asked.

Shawn smiled, and pulled a paintbrush out of his pocket. "Always do." Shawn said, throwing the paintbrush his way. Henrik caught it.

"Zhanks!" Henrik said, before dipping the paintbrush into his belly button.

“AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NOOOHOHOHOHOHO!” Marvin begged, squirming his belly to get away from the paintbrush. However, the paintbrush would only follow his squirming and dip itself back into his belly button.

“Vhat’s wrong, Marvin? Toooooooo ticklish?” Henrik asked, smirking as he started to spin the paintbrush.

“CHAHAHAHAHASE! TOOHOHOHOHO MUHUHUHUCH!” Marvin yelled. Henrik looked towards the end of the couch, and saw Chase...tickling under his toes!

“This little piggy went to the market...” Chase said, wiggling his big toe. Henrik's eyes widened, as a smile grew onto his lips in amusement.

“NOHOHOHO! PLEHEHEHEASE DOHOHOHON’T!” Marvin begged, his face turning red as he laughed.

This little piggy went home...” Chase said, wiggling the second toe.

“YOHOHOHOHOU’RE SOHOHOHO MEHEHEHEHEAN!” Marvin yelled.

“This little piggy had ticklish wittle feetsies...” Chase teased, changing up the lyrics to further ridicule him as he wiggled the middle toe.

“THAHAHAT MAHAHAKES NO SEHEHEHENSE!” Marvin exclaimed.

“This little piggy had none!” Chase said, wiggling the second last toe.

“LAHAHAHAY OHOHOHOFF, WIHIHILL YAHAHA?!” Marvin yelled.

“And THIS little piggy went...” Chase teased, pausing the rhyme to create more suspense. Instantly, Chase skittered all 5 fingers on the entire foot. “WEE WEE WEE WEE WEE! All the way home!” Chase cooed.

“HAHAHAHAHA! HEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Marvin laughed. His face was practically a tomato, and his body was starting to get REALLY tired! So, Chase let go of his legs, and pushed his legs to the side. Marvin's whole body fell comfortably onto his side, as the exhausted Marvin laid there, breathing deeply through his mouth.

"You okay? We didn't kill ya, did we?" Chase asked.

"I-*huff* I'm fine... *huff* I'll be *Huff* *Huff* Fihihine...*Huff*" Marvin said through his breaths.

Chase let out a sigh of relief. Henrik handed Shawn back his paintbrush, while Jamie sat back onto the couch with a big smile on his face, that he just couldn't hide.

"What's so funny?" Chase asked, both suspicious and curious about his motives.

'imagining your reaction to my plan to get revenge.' Jamie signed, before tackling him down.

"Jamie, Wait- HAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHA NOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHO!" Chase exclaimed, before bursting into a fit of hysterical laughter, from Jamie's fingers in his armpits.

Jamie's smile grew wider as his fingers skittered and scratched, and soon decided to move down to his ribs.

"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NAHAHAHAT THE RIHIHIHIBS! AHAHANYTHIHIHING BUT THEHEHE RIHIHIHIHIBS!" Chase shouted, shaking his head back and forth as Jamie dug into and in between the ribs.

Jamie gave Chase the puppy face, before taking in a quick inhale, and...Blew a big raspberry! right on Chase's ribs!

Chase's laughter turned into cackles, as his face turned a deep scarlet color! His hat came flying off as well!

Liking how red his face had gotten, Jamie took in an inhale, and blew short raspberries on multiple ribs!

This was when Chase's laughter went silent. He seemed just about done. It didn't take long, but that didn't really matter. Jamie smiled, messed up his hair a little, and got up off of him.

As Jamie walked, he was suddenly stopped, by Shawn of all people. Jamie crossed his arms, putting on an irritated teenage face.

"It's my turn for revenge." Shawn announced, before grabbing Jamie, flipping him around, and shoving his hands into his sides once again.

Jamie squealed, and fell into a massive puddle of giggles as he squirmed around in Shawn's stronghold.

"Jackie! Grab his arms!" Shawn ordered quickly. Jackie nodded, stood up and quickly grabbed his arms and held them out in front of him.

Once his arms were completely contained, Shawn continued tickling his sides, and squeezed his tummy a little bit as well. Jamie laughed, giggled, cackled and squirmed through the whole thing. He even let out a few snorts! That was an adorable thing to hear! Eventually, before the clocked striked twelve, everyone had gotten their share of ticklish revenge. Happy New Year, everyone! May everyone have an amazing 2020.

[marshmallow-phd]

Market Surprises

Genre: Neighbor!AU

Pairing: Kris x Reader

A/N: Once again, I’m bringing you another little story inspired by @xui-n-soowillbethedeathofme moodboard above! (Also, it’s Kris. How could I ever resist?) (also, do not be surprised if the title changes a few times, I’m still not satisfied with it)

**

Going to the market was one of your favorite activities. While most people hated the very idea of going grocery shopping, you had the exact opposite approach. Maybe it was simply because of where you chose to shop.

The neighborhood that you lived in was close to an outdoor market where local farmers would bring their produce and fresh goods to be fully appreciated. You would spend a good hour there each time, looking over the fruits and vegetables, bargaining with the butcher over prices, and just conversing in general with the vendors. It was calming to you, how shopping for daily sustenance should be. It was more personal, where you knew the name of the person who grew your tomatoes or cut your pork belly.

“Are you sure you don’t want any help carrying these bags home?” Mrs. Wu asked you for the third time today. “My son would be more than happy to go with you.”

While you had at least four large bags of groceries to lug home, the bags were reusable cloth so you didn’t have to worry about any of them ripping and you were sure your arm strength could hold out. Of course, no matter how many times you told Mrs. Wu that, she still tried to get you to accept the help of her son.

There was no mistaking her hidden agenda. She was always talking up her son, saying how handsome he was and sweet and kind. One time she even boldly stated that the two of you would look good together.

“That’s okay, Mrs. Wu, I can handle it,” you assured her with a smile. “But thank you! I’ll see you next week.”

She waved goodbye to you along with her motherly smile. “Have a wonderful day, dear.”

With two stuffed bags in each hand, you began the uphill trudge to your little home, ignoring the groans of your calves as the bottom of your tennis shoes dug into the asphalt street. You stayed off to the side of road, careful of any cars that might be rushing by.

“Hey! Tomato girl!”

You groaned. Seriously? You were almost there. You were almost home free.

Kris, your neighbor who drove you up the walls, came running up behind you, his typical self-confident smirk plainly on his face. The two of you had been neighbors for a while now and yet, he still referred to you by that stupid nickname he came up with when you first met.

It was before you bought the reusable bags. You’d planned on making a large batch of homemade salsa with a recipe that you’d found online and were rushing to get back to your kitchen. However, the bag wasn’t strong enough to hold the quantity of tomatoes you’d purchased and just outside your door, it ripped, sending the fruit rolling away. The only one around to “help” happened to be your neighbor that you’d only ever seen in passing.

His idea of helping included a few teasing comments that you weren’t in the mood to receive graciously. Because of that, you refused to give him your name the next few times you ran into him. That resulted in his annoying nickname, constantly calling out to you as “tomato girl” until you gave in and told him your real name. Occasionally, when he was being obnoxious, he’d still use that stupid nickname to grate on your nerves.

“I have a name, Kris,” you gritted through your teeth.

“I know, (y/n),” he chuckled. “Do you need any help?”

“No, thank you,” you grunted unconvincingly. “I’ve got it.”

A heavy sigh left Kris’ throat. “Okay, then. I’ll… see you later.”

He walked away and a strange feeling of guilt started bubbling in your stomach. But you quickly pushed it aside and entered your home.

As soon as you closed the door behind you, your phone began to ring. You answered it when your hands were finally free of the groceries, putting the bags down on the counter. It was your best friend’s name brightening up your screen.

“Hello?” you said slightly out of breath. The irritation from just a few seconds ago was still very apparent in your voice.

Your friend laughed in your ear. “Uh-oh. Sounds like someone recently saw their very cute neighbor.”

“Cute?” you scoffed. “Don’t make me laugh.”

Kris wasn’t cute, in your opinion. He was the kind of guy who walked around in ripped-up skinny jeans and large shirts with earrings, sometimes diamonds and sometimes hoops. His black hair was long on top with a sharp undercut, often covered up by a ball cap. Tattoos decorated his arms. While they were all tasteful, he still wasn’t quite the kind of guy your mother had envisioned you bringing home to meet her.

Then again… when you really thought about it, his face wasn’t too bad. His eyes like a smoky quartz, were a bit magnetic with a glimmer of mischief behind them. The natural pout of his lips were a bit intriguing and his high-bridged nose was a bit adorable.  

What the hell were you thinking?

“He is not cute!” you insisted.

Your friend giggled at you. “A double denial? Has someone been thinking about her neighbor a little too much?”

You rolled your eyes, biting back a sarcastic comment. “Did you call me just poke my buttons or did you actually need something?”

“Oh, yeah!” There was a mild shuffling in the background before she came back to the line. “Do you want to check out this new bar that just opened up here recently?”

For a second, you thought it over. It had been a while since you’d gone out and you could use a fun night with some socializing. “Sounds like fun. What’s the bar called?”

“Um, like Tian Di, or something like that?”

Interesting name. You were definitely intrigued. “Sounds good. What time were you thinking of heading out?”

“You know the real fun doesn’t start until after ten!” your friend exclaimed.

You couldn’t help but laugh along with her. “Alright. That gives me plenty of time to get ready. Meet you at your place around that time?”

“You got it!”

After hanging up, you went back to your groceries, putting every little thing in its designated space. You still had a few hours before you needed to get ready, so you opted for a long, hot bath, sinking down into the water while your favorite playlist danced from the Bluetooth speaker. This was turning out to be quite the nice Saturday, if you did say so yourself.

**

Downing another shot, you giggled relentlessly as the alcohol burned your throat pleasantly. There was no doubt that you were getting well passed tipsy at this point. Your heels were becoming harder and harder to keep your balance on. Why did you wear them again?

Right. Because they were cute.

Why was fashion such a sacrifice?

“One more! One more!” your friend chanted.

“No, I need a real drink!” you yelled back over the music.

What your friend had described as a “bar” was really more like a nightclub, but you were already out and dressed, so you didn’t fight, instead choosing to make the most of the night.

“Fine!” your friend pouted. “I’m going to the bathroom real quick!” She disappeared into the crowd as you let her know that you’d heard her.

Turning to the bartender, you got his attention and said, “I’ll have the cherry round-about, please?”

“Make that two.”

Frowning, you turned to the new voice and your jaw dropped.

It took a second for you to recognize your neighbor. Gone was the hat to reveal dyed chestnut hair parted in the middle and hanging just over the cheeks on either side of his face. His jeans were no longer full of rips and holes, instead simply decorated with a zipper on each side where the pockets normally were. The long sleeves of his black shirt were pushed up to his elbows, giving you just the slightest peak at his tattoos. To be honest, they were kind of alluring, not vulgar, but intriguing, making you want to ask why he got each one.

Over the top of his shirt was a strange olive-khaki vest with rivet holes in the collar and chest and long chains that looped down from the pockets and hung loose underneath his arms. On anyone else, you would have sneered at it, thinking it strange, but somehow, Kris pulled it off, whether it was just how well it fit him or if it was his air of confidence that made it unquestionable.

Your heart was doing a funny dance in your chest while he just kept smiling at you. No, you still wouldn’t say that he was cute, but in your drunken haze, you’d dare say that you were becoming very attracted to him.

“Put it on my tab, Luke,” Kris told the bartender, only taking his eyes off of you for a second to address the issue of payment before coming back to meet your gaze.

“Wha’ you doing here?” Oh, wonderful. You were slurring already. No chance in pretending that you were sober now.

Kris chuckled at your grammatically incorrect question. “Just out for a good time, same as you. And it looks like you’re having a very good time.”

Unable to hold back the urge, you stuck your tongue out at him, making him laugh again.

Damn it. You liked his laugh. It was deep, scrunching up his nose and widening his smile to an eye-crinkling degree. Why did you not like this guy before?

When Luke the bartender put the two freshly made drinks down in front of you, you swiped one of the glasses up and began sucking down on the delicious red liquid.

“Whoa, whoa, slow down,” Kris insisted, putting one of his (very pretty) hands on top of the glass and pushing it down and away from your mouth.

Before you could let out a very loud protest, your friend came back from the bathroom, practically jumping on your back as she squealed, “Oh, my god, you must be Kris!”

At her already knowing his name, Kris raised an eyebrow while you cringed with embarrassment. A while back, she’d wanted to know what he looked like, so one time when she was over, you kept an eye on the window and pointed Kris out when he walked by.

“Y/n talks about you all the time!”

Oh, just kill me now.

You did not talk about him all the time… did you?

Kris laughed again. “Well, what a coincidence. I talk about her all the time, too.”

You pursed your lips at him, confused. “She means I complain about you a lot.”

“I figured that was the case.” That correction didn’t seem to ruin his mood at all.

Over the course of the next few hours, the three of you sat there and talked about the most random things including topics of pop culture and occasionally complaining about the annoying songs blaring from the speakers while hitting back the drinks. Or, at least, you and your friend were still kicking them back. Kris had stopped several hours ago, still very sober.

Intoxicated or not, you discovered that you actually enjoy conversing with Kris. You were falling for his laugh and discovering that he was actually a large dork behind the cool façade.

At one point, a friend of his showed up and, before you knew it, your friend was declaring very loudly that she was ready to head home, sending a wink in his friend’s direction. The four of you headed out of the club while your friend called for an Uber. The two extras hopped in the back of the car and disappeared down the road.

“Don’t worry,” Kris assured you. “He’s a good guy. He’ll just make sure she gets home and then leave.”

You nodded, trusting his judgement.

It turned out that Tian Di was just a few blocks from your house, so, instead of wasting money on a ride, Kris walked with you. However, you only made it a few steps before you stumbled in your shoes.

“Whoa, there.” Kris was able to catch you before your knees hit the sidewalk. Thankfully, you were wearing jeans, but the impact still would have hurt like hell. Crouching down in front of you, he offered, “Get on. I’ll carry you.”

“No, you don’t have to,” you said quickly, heat rising up in your cheeks.

“You’re going to end up getting hurt if you keep stumbling around in those shoes,” he pointed out. “And I’m not going to let you walk around on the concrete barefoot. It’s not that far, just hop on.”

Giving in, you wrapped your arms around Kris’ neck while situating yourself on his back, legs tightly locked around his waist when he stood back up. He kept a good grip on your thighs, not letting you slip for a second.

If you allowed yourself to be honest, you were quite enjoying this, letting your heavy eyelids close with contentment.

**

Kris made it to your door without any problems. It was just his luck that he happened to run into you at the bar and even more so that you didn’t immediately run away when he approached. He finally figured out that his teasing style was getting him nowhere with you and so he decided to play the gentleman, just being nice and talking without a hint of sarcasm. And now here he was, fitting into the role of hero as he carried you home on his back.

Except now you were fast asleep, your grip a little looser than it had been in the beginning. Thankfully, your keys were already out in your hand, so Kris gently tugged them out of your grip and let himself inside.

Since you were next door neighbors in these little townhomes, he knew the basic layout of the place and was able to take you to your room without any difficulties. Getting you down onto the bed wasn’t as easy, but he managed to lay you down without waking you up. Oh, so he thought.

Just as he stepped away, you reached out and took hold of his wrist, keeping him place.

“Don’t go,” you mumbled. Your eyes were still closed and you were shoving half of your face into the pillow. You were too cute to resist.

Knowing that you would probably yell at him in the morning, Kris laid down beside you, shocked when you immediately attached yourself to his side. He smiled to himself as he wrapped an arm around your waist and drifted off.

**

Boy, you were in for a rude awakening.

At first, you were very comfortable with whatever pillow you were snuggling up with. Until you opened your eyes.

When you realized that the warm pillow was actually Kris, you screamed, throwing yourself off the bed in the process of shuffling away. The loud noises jolted Kris awake, immediately pushing himself up to a sitting position where his eyes found you on the hardwood floor.

“What are you doing down there?” he laughed.

“Me?” you scoffed. “What are you doing in my bed?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You were the one who asked me to stay.”

Absolutely flustered because the memories of last night were flooding back to you all at once, you scrambled up from the floor, putting your fists on your hips. “You shouldn’t take my intoxicated ramblings at face value.”

Rolling his eyes, Kris slid off the bed so he was now standing nearly toe to toe with you. With gentle fingers, he cupped your jaw and caressed your cheek with his thumb. “Are you saying that you don’t actually like me?”

“Uh- well… no, you see- it’s just that- I mean, come on, we-”

You couldn’t finish a single thought or sentence. You were completely cornered. Actions truly spoke louder than words. Because – well, maybe you did like him. Last night kind of proved that. And… there was a fine line between irritation and attraction, wasn’t there?

You sighed heavily, pouting your lips. “Okay, so maybe I do like you… like that. What about it?”

Not answering your very important question, Kris dripped down and pressed his lips to yours. It was a deep kiss, one that made you snake your fingers through his sleep-tousled hair as he pulled you in closer with his warm hands pressed against your back. With incredible expertise, he gripped your hips and lifted you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist. However, not so expertly, Kris ended up tripping, sending both of you backwards onto the bed.

You couldn’t help but laugh hysterically as you pushed yourself up. “Smooth.”

Kris simply shrugged, the faintest of pinks painting his cheeks. “Part of my charm, right?”

Shaking your head, you giggled, “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Satisfied with that answer, Kris pulled you down again, continuing where you’d left off.

**

Almost two weeks had gone by and you were still in a slight state of shock at the fact that you were dating your neighbor Kris; the boy that you couldn’t stand just a while ago was suddenly making you smile and your heart race. Oh, well. Life was just funny that way, you guessed.

Said boyfriend was scheduled to come over tonight for dinner and you wanted to make him a meal that would really impress. That meant a trip to the market.

You were currently looking over the tomatoes, smiling over the irony of it all.

“Finding everything all right, dear?” Mrs. Wu inquired when she stepped around the display.

“Yes, thank you,” you nodded. “In fact, I think I will call it good with these.” You held out the bag you’d filled with her goods and Mrs. Wu counted everything before adding it all up on her calculator she’d pulled out from her pocket. You handed her the amount due and started off.

“Wait!” Mrs. Wu called out before you’d taken two steps.

“Yes?”

“My son is just inside,” she grinned at you. “Please, let him help you with your bags.”

You sighed. “Mrs. Wu, I really appreciate it, but-”

Your jaw dropped. Because who else just waltzed out of the shop but none other than Kris. He kissed his mother on the head before stepping up to you, taking the bags out of your hand. There was no fight from you; the shock was still much too present.

“Come on,” Kris smirked. “I’ll help you home.”

Shaking your head, you followed him up the road while Mrs. Wu waved excitedly behind you. She had no idea that the pair up she’d been trying to concoct this whole time had already happened and her wish manifested. You were absolutely dumbfounded as you stared at Kris’ back, but you quickly ran to catch up with him, happy with the little surprise from the market.