#but 4/10 is me being generous
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The duality of man is when you love Hadestown so much that you hate Hadestown
#me being me#idk something something show getting generic#like it’s still a good show but a good show and 4/5 and 8/10 rating for a show such as hadestown is shameful#I do think that hadestown should hit like a life changing event that made me fall in love with it#not like some generic Broadway/WE show that you see and vaguely remember liking a year after#and like it’s kinda sad to understand that it doesn’t quite hit like this now#either because of acting choices of some folks (which tbh not fully their fault and I wrote a post about it)#either because Anaïs decides to make a lyric change which is like the most obvious downgrade#that it makes me think ‘oh the show thinks I’m stupid’#instead of idk making the one change people have been complaining for years#like even fuck it just idk leave what works working#idk I feel like seeing WE made me thinking about it more#and I did enjoy the show a lot and I had fun#but also I keep thinking how some small bits didn’t fit and the show didn’t hit as it should#which makes me feel of people who will experience ht for the first time and might not understand the show’s full impact like I did#idk just thoughts
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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For fun I decided to look over all of my internet history that is still available to me to try and create the most accurate timeline of my fandoms over the years and I think this is it! I also included the platforms I was primarily using for each since that's relevant to the fandom activity I was participating in :)
There are more fandoms I have dabbled in and I might be forgetting some but these are the main eras of my fandom experiences I think.
#there was an undertale moment early on#life is strange has never been my main interest#i started around number 5 and it's always been with me on the side since#and the same thing has happened with smosh over the past year#love them but i wouldn't say im actively in the fandom#i didn't include fanfic in the platforms part#i thought i found ao3 around number 6 but it was actually 2!#number 4 was also heavily wattpad oriented#10 was a very random time i was just binge rewatching a bunch of shows with cycling obsessions#something i wasn't sure if i should add in was like my minecraft streamer era??#bc i wasn't in a fandom i was just binging content i never really interacted with anyone or made anything#i don't think consuming content counts as being in a fandom#i would say pluuno is an honourable mention#i was pretty active in her community for a few months in 2021 and it was lovely#i think that's it!#number 5 kind of bled into sims fandom in general but im still lurking there so it doesn't count lmao#would love to see mutuals timelines too if you wanna im v curious where you've all come from too
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why do i feel weirdly guilty for taking a day off of work to have necessary surgery 🤡
#they said i could go back to work but i did that last time and it was a pain so i took the day off#and i did a bunch of errands and Accomplished Things instead of napping which is what i wanted to do#then finally sat down to watch a movie and eat and im like....feeling guilty for not being at work#insane#to be fair the hour before i left yesterday was crazyyyy bc we had a kind of crisis#ibstayed a half hour late bc there wasnt enough coverage due to the crisis and i did my coworker's clean up for her bc she literally left#without finishing it#bc she was freaking out#crisis is one of the kids had lice lol#anyway she left without finishing her cleanup even tho the owner of the school and our boss's boss dropped by#to let us know the health department was coming thennext day (today)#and she Went Home even tho there was literally cottage cheese all over the floor wtf#anyway i was watching the kids while my supervisor bagged up all the stuffed toys and sheets and blankets etc to wash#then i did my other co teachers cleanup while my supervisor tried to do afternoon diapers but she was so late starting only 4 kids were lef#out of like 8 or 10 that probably should have been changed#so half of them went home without a final diaper change lmao#anyway#bugs 😬#i got a lice treatment shampoo and leave in conditioner but yuck#anyway i just felt really bad bc im out and they always need people but also im out on the day we're getting a ladt minute health inspectio#and i know that classroom is gross bc the cleaning crew thats supposed to come in every night has definitely not been doing that#this has been a shitpost#anyway my eye surgery hurts so bad wah 😭#its not even supposed to hurt that much but im like wicked sensitive to the light or something that it hurts a lot even w eye shields#and nobody is babying meeee#my mom made me clean the kitchen and the barn when we got home :(#my brother is making gf cookies for me tho but not bc of the surgery he just wants to try baking gf for me in general bc he's nice#also he's making 61 cookies by accident instead of 18 bc he doubled the recipe and then realized it was a recipe forngiant cookies lmao
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Honestly why am I fucking Like This
#speculation nation#im still overcompensating i know#i got the everliving shit scared outta me and had one of the most humiliating days of my life#and ive been working so hard on being Useful that i have been. putting in a Lot of extra hours...#i didnt Have to do all of this today. i stayed late to do it. 1.5 hours of active lifting the Entire Time#plus some work with counting and general managerial stuff#so that i stayed 2 hours and 20 mins over my 5 hour shift#and im just like. in the moment i was just so bothered by how disorganized everything was#i couldnt find where the Fucking lids were. ended up they were buried under a bunch of other stuff.#so i dug them out. reorganized. did a Ton of lifting.#like... uhmmm. 9 large boxes 7 regular boxes 4 straws 10 sippy lids and 31 dome lids#boxes. all boxes.#oh yeah and 8 paper bag boxes. plus general rearranging.#none of the lids were in one place and all the cups boxes were on top of the other boxes#so i had to pull them out to dig things out then put them back in#the good news is the lids boxes were pretty light. cup boxes not so much.#but thats still. kind of an insane number when i think about it.#i didnt NEED to do this. but i did anyways. because im a neurotic prey animal working desperately to keep the anger away from me#wahoooooo#it's... fine. it feels good to be productive. im just feeling... a bit fed up with myself.#my hip has already been bothering me today bc there always has to be Something wrong with my body#and then i went and did This. who knows what fucking unpleasant side effects this is gonna have on me.#sore muscles probably. maybe bruises. and MAYBE ill fuck my back or ankles up again. or make my hip worse. or#whatever.#it's fine. i'll be fine. im gonna go home and eat dinner and... chill. im gonna chill.#just. ugh.#but im clocked out at least. and i have tomorrow off. i'll make sure it's a good one.
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Not sure which fucked-up position I managed to sleep in but my shoulder sure isn’t enjoying it.
#‘sleep’ being a generous word#oura ring says 4h30 in like 10 different bits#anyway#home in less than 4 hours if all goes well#very much regretting not having taken tuesday off as well#but at least I have a vale monster with me I guess#I was trying to massage my shoulder earlier while waiting for my train#and a woman tried to explain to me how to make things better#except obviously she went on in german and her english wasn’t computing with my brain#but that was nice of her I guess
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one more week without artetaball 😭
#the audacity of my work to schedule me for an 8-4 when arsenal played at 8 !!!!!!! on a Saturday like what do u need me at 8am for !!!!!!!#3 weeks combined no artetaball I feel sick !!!!!#sorry for sucking at being on here when there aren’t any games I am struggling in life in general:)#almost 10 years later and I’m back at the point where knowing I get to see Mikel on the weekend is the only thing keeping me going 😭#hope you all are well hope you enjoyed the match !!!!
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i think a lot abt biker and jacket's relationship for someone who does not like them together romantically
#and talk abt them a lot for that matter fgdfgfgd#idk!! i just think that there's like. possibilities there y'kno#like there's a reason why i made a playlist for them. bc if you know me then you know me making ship playlists and like#actually sharing them. is a little unusual. bc i have others that aren't hlm related#but this is the first time i've felt strongly abt them (the playlists) enough to actually share#which makes sense for beardjacket and jacketgf since i post abt them a lot#but for biker&jacket (esp consdiering that it's a ship playlist /meant/ to not be romantic) it's like. god idk how to say it properly#like there's tragedy there. if u kno what i mean. just inherently#like there's a reason that of all my jacketshipping playlists the biker&jacket one has the most amount of songs w no words (5/10 of them)#bc to me their relationship isn't built on affection/any sort of real attraction. it's built on understanding.#on needing this person in your life even if it isn't good for either of you because not having them there would just make things even worse#bc the beardjacket playlist also has a genrous amount of songs w no words (4/10) but i have specific reasons for having them there#the main general ones being /comfort/. and longing. bc that's what those songs meant to me personally#w the biker&jacket one i have straight breakcore songs on there (bc to me biker/jacket means breakcore) and a 25 minute ambient/vpw track#as well as release by M|O|O|N and it's ok you're ok by bonjr bc to me all of those songs are like#like regardless of how i personally feel about them they're not meant to be. satisfying? ig?? like they're meant to be unsettling in a way#i'm essentially trying to encapsulate how games like hlm and firewatch make me feel#like. like this is how it's supposed to be. even if it's not what anyone wanted#anyways. i need to keep studying.#the trash speaks
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i haaate writing texts to people i barely talk to who also happen to not be Online people like. what version of myself am i allowed to be here
#a childhood friend (we went to school together ages 4-10 and have seen each other twice since - once close to school and once in january)#anw she asked what i thought of the barbie movie and i said sth about it being pop feminist in my first message and felt the need to double#text to explain what i meant by it and (somehow not physically but very much in spirit) i have a headache now#oh no wait there it is physically:)#oh uh#barbie spoilers#i guess but yeah it was at the level you'd expect it to be on that but perfect camp fun in general and i loved it sm#anw i feel like i should've left it at the fun camp side of my review that's what she probably meant#regardless ive done that now#if anyone's following along since the January party this is the friend who introduced john to our group and may or may not have been t#*subtly trying to set us up so we're gonna have to have that conversation eventually which is soooooo fun but i love her n i love that we'v#been reconnected#oh god i just remembered she's trying to have us meet up w the friend who hosted the party and was absolutely in on the me and john idea so#that specific psrt of it will be hell especially if it comes up that i was more interested in andrew who went to school with us and managed#to accidentally reject him.... although if undoing that comes out of it (unrejecting him that is) i would not mind he is so babygirl#ok i am going to get ready for bed!! it has been so much of a day#omg she replied about barbie#this is the most perfect review this is kind of all i cared about and you addressed it w/o asking#though now i'm excited to see what the story line is bc i haven't seen the trailers#im so relieved and i have a newfound faith in our rekindled friendship im so excited#also i just remembered sth#i was way more of a kelly club girl and i think i first played with actual grown barbies at her house!! we had sm fun and i remembered that#but this brought so much back still#vie
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someone will make a joke about how short they are and i instantly become aware of the fact that im wearing thicker shoes than them and if i took them off the size would uhhhhh not make them the shortest in the room anymore
#god i wish i could wear high heels#also i have thoughts abt being a short and fat person#people dont see me as small or short or anything like that nine times out of ten#and if they do its in v much a silly exaggerated way and theyve known me a while#i am not plus size but literally just because im short i can find a size that fits me in most straight size shops#and i dont want to take away from the amount of shit that plus size people go through#also gender etc etc but in general i can physically put on a size small it will just be Very Tight#but i dont think people actually grasp that concept#anyway proportionally im wide and short and most places dont really cater to that as a thing#and the majority of people dont really see me as small despite being 4 foot 10#and like i dont mind being seen as taller but it sometimes irks me#and if i talk abt being small i feel like i seem like im trying to be those im so dainty and delicate i get hoovered up ppl#and those people all consider themselves much smaller than me#even when im literally shorter than them noticeably#anyway i understand height and dysphoria and i know these people didnt respect my gender identity either#but when someone who is like five eight is complaining abt being short i get a bit pissed off
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I got tagged by @vogelmeister to put my playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and I can do that while studying! (hopefully)
Death by a Thousand Cuts - Live from Paris by Taylor Swift (It feels appropriate to start with this ngl)
Hello Goodbye by The Beatles (A bit of a whiplash after the previous tbh)
Blank Space by Taylor Swift (Can't believe I got Taylor Swift twice already, that is not statistically accurate)
Tout l'Universe by Gjon's Tears (Forgot this song was in my playlist)
Bring on the Monsters from The Lightning Thief Musical (heck yeah! BRING ON THE MONSTERS BRING ON THE MONSTERS BRING ON THE REAL WORLD)
It's Quiet Uptown from Hamilton (a way to ruin the mood)
Show Yourself from Frozen II (I was obsessed with this song in early 2020)
Highway to Hell by AC/DC (ehmm that's another mood change)
Okay by this point I had been reshuffling too much (see the tags) to call this a genuine shuffle, because like at what point is it Spotify's algorithm fucking with me and at what point is it my own disbelief in the chance of getting 3 musical songs in a row, so I'm redoing it with a random number generator and no reshuffling any more:
More Than a Feeling by Boston (this was in the Inside Out trailer and I loved the song so much back then)
Waving Through a Window from Dear Evan Hansen (I know, but it's a good song)
Arcade by Duncan Laurence (we actually won Eurovision with this, unbelievable)
Defying Gravity from Wicked (forever sad I can't sing this + that I didn't see Wicked when it played here) (also fun fact the random number generator picked this one twice but I felt it was fair to reshuffle that, as we're looking for 10 songs)
Dream by Imagine Dragons (the story of how I found this song is kinda embarrassing so not gonna share that here, I like the song though)
Ålderdomshemmet by Miss Li (Swedish!!! And I like Miss Li, this song is cute)
Alla gör slut by Felicia Takman (More Swedish? More likely than I thought)
10 Years by Daði Freyr (This was robbed at Eurovision 2021)
First Burn, a different version of Burn from Hamilton (I was OBSESSED when this came out and it is still really good)
The Schuyler Sisters from Hamilton (ANGELICAAA Peggy ELIIIIZA!)
Not tagging anyone because I'm burned out from my rage at Spotify, but feel free to do this and say I tagged you
#tag game#music#about me#the truth: number 4 was another taylor swift song but I went like: nope and first played a few songs from another playlist before reshuffli#like there needs to remain space for other songs#after that I decided to reshuffle for every song#this does mean I removed Arcade because that was originally coming up after tout l'universe but like that was only proof to me#that the shuffle sucks because 2 eurovision songs in a row?#I hate that there's no K3 here >:[#y'know I will do it again with a random number generator#than I know it is not influenced by an algorithm#still no K3 I got a K3 song at the 17th number#could have been a number earlier because that was a song in the middle of 10 K3 songs but the random number generator picked exactly#the one non K3 song there#do I think this is a good overview of my taste? No but it isn't glaringly being influenced by an algorithm so it's better
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idk if i rlly am unable to feel intense hate for something or i conditioned myself into thinking that hating soemthing makes me even more of a bad person so i refuse to feel such things HMMM
#cw rant#ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ idle chit chat#IDK❕i was always known as that one really caring and generous big sister#and whenever i express that i am upset i always get told 'why are you being like that?' and idk . perhaps ive been too nice to people#ALSO WHEn I RANT ABT STUFF LIKE THIS IM NOT LIKE . SAD ABT IT .#i just genuinely wonder hawuhhebfil#but yeah i think the emotional invalidation that i grew up with fucked me up like that LMAO#ngl i dont rlly even feel VERY strongly abt anything???#i know that my posts here on tumblr r very like yk energetic and BAM BAM but when it comes to irl i just . dont hklwhjr#gosh i am the exact opposite of my online self its so weird#thinking back on it though my childhood rlly shaped me into who i am today in maybe not so very good ways huhu#my childhood was pretty good though . it could be way way worse but there were very miniscule things that rlly impacted the way i behave😭#like 4 example the expectations set on me as a child was ABSURDLY high .#and everybody always praised me and stuff and i was so goddamn afraid of disappointing my family that i fainted on my desk while doing hw at#10 yrs old . yeah . JUST 10 YRS OLD#fainted due to overworking hawjgvhfk#also i was going to like . 2 schools at the time so like the stress was doubled hahahah darkest time of my life fr#ngl i like being my own therapist a lot and psychoanalyzing myself and my own thoughts🔎#its pretty interesting. the way i think ;0
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One Line One Fic
Rules: pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the mid point, pick a line, and share it! Then tag 10 people.
Tagged by @captainjimothycarter thx <3
1. I Feel Good (The X Files)
He was holding her close, whispering the lyrics into her ear. Squeezing her tighter, but still, lovingly he planted a kiss on her neck. Muffling the lyrics he was saying.
2. The complication of getting a prescription refill (The X Files)
She turned to look at him, realizing he didn’t care she saw him shirtless. She shrugged saying ‘‘Well, yeah, I suspected it for a while now. I just figured you would tell me when you're ready. It didn’t feel right to ask. It’s not of my business, as long as you’re happy Mulder.’’
3. Jim The Fish (DW 11xRiver)
‘Sweety, you can’t just take a fish out of a pond and keep it.’ She looked at the poor creature who was clearly struggling. She gently took it from his hands and released it back into the water. The fish gladly swam away, but then returned holding his head out of the water.
4. Take me as you found me or leave me to die (The X Files) (yes the title is super dramatic)
She knew the distance between them had been slowly growing to the size of a canyon. She hated having to push him away, but it seemed like her only option to keep herself from breaking her own heart. Like she was letting herself down slowly.
5. He Chose Me (Steggy)
So he was surprised when she said his name. First, he was surprised she was still awake, they had been lying in bed for about half an hour. And then when the words registered in his brain, he wasn’t sure he heard her right
6. Mulder's birthday gift (The X Files)
As per usual, when Emily spotted her parents from the playground, she ran to them and demanded a piggyback ride back to the car, which Mulder obliged. He helped her buckle up as Scully started the car. The drive home was pleasant, Emily recounted how she learned that a caterpillar could become a butterfly. And said they had to draw butterflies, so she had a new artwork for Mulder’s art gallery.
7. Nobody warned you about me? (DW 11xRiver)
Finally, they saw it, the big blue box. Like a beacon in the sea of all the people. The Tardis was standing exactly where they left it. River thanked god it was because she was not ready to drag The Doctor around the town to look for his box.
8. A Well-Devised Plan (The X Files)
Everything was going to perfectly until the was a knock at the door.
9. White Christmas (Steggy)
One day he hoped to work up the courage to go up to her and tell her how he feels. But just because she doesn’t mind his staring, it doesn’t mean that she feels the same way. So for now he will be content with watching from afar. Admiring her determination, her strength, her heart, her soul, everything about her.
10. Your smile fades in the summer (The X Files)
‘‘This is my sister I was telling you about, the smart one’’ Melissa started. ‘‘Dana, right? My name’s Fox Mulder, but everyone calls me, Mulder.’’ He put his hand out to her but she just stared at it.
Not tagging anyone but if you want to do it concider yourself tagged
#I picket these using a number generator and also skiping all my drabbles#also its very hard to not leave a comment about everysingle one of theme#so these tags will be long because i can't help myself#1 they are listening to i feel good by james brown and the lyrics are so sweet even if the beat is funky#2 scully's reaction to mulder telling her that he's trans is her being like yes i know#3 river love's her idiot husband#4 i know the title is super dramatic but the fic is angsty and a one bed trop okay!#also go listen to take me as you found me by amberlin#5 the name peggy said was micheal#6 little emily enjoying life with her parents will always be the best#7 yet again the doctor is an idiot and got them into trouble#8 i also just put the line that is litteraly just the title because its funny#9 steve just wants to love peggy maybe he could do that for christmas read the fic to find out!#10 for context its a highschool au i think scully is like 14 and mulder 17 or somthing#also for 10 listen to feeling this by blink 182 the lyrics have nothing to do with the fic but i like the song and used it to title the fic#thanks for the tag#these tags are so long im gonna sign off now good night#moon's midnight post#tag game
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random self reflection tonight:
realising i may have been slightly depressed at 14 instead of like 18 when i realised i was perhaps Mentally Unwell
#i mean i didnt wanna off myself cus i remember thinking depression and suicide sounded scary but the fact that at 14 i was like#(internally. i never told anyone this) yeah i wish i could go back in time and make it so i was never born and never existed#therefore never being a burdon to anyone and tonight i was like woah! that probably wasnt an okay thing to feel at the ripe young age of 14!#though you could argue i was already mentally unwell due to having general anxiety and social anxiety#idk when thr general anxiety started but the social anxiety is like a i was most likely born this way or it started at like age 1 or 2 so...#and to top it off 😔 ive insecurities about my appearance since i was like 4 so WOOF damn gurl....you were not doing super good as a child!#like i didnt hate my appearance when i was little (took me until i was like 10 or 11 to get there 💖) but i also knew i wasn't exactlypretty#so uhhhh ;w;
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If anyone wants to know why every tech company in the world right now is clamoring for AI like drowned rats scrabbling to board a ship, I decided to make a post to explain what's happening.
(Disclaimer to start: I'm a software engineer who's been employed full time since 2018. I am not a historian nor an overconfident Youtube essayist, so this post is my working knowledge of what I see around me and the logical bridges between pieces.)
Okay anyway. The explanation starts further back than what's going on now. I'm gonna start with the year 2000. The Dot Com Bubble just spectacularly burst. The model of "we get the users first, we learn how to profit off them later" went out in a no-money-having bang (remember this, it will be relevant later). A lot of money was lost. A lot of people ended up out of a job. A lot of startup companies went under. Investors left with a sour taste in their mouth and, in general, investment in the internet stayed pretty cooled for that decade. This was, in my opinion, very good for the internet as it was an era not suffocating under the grip of mega-corporation oligarchs and was, instead, filled with Club Penguin and I Can Haz Cheezburger websites.
Then around the 2010-2012 years, a few things happened. Interest rates got low, and then lower. Facebook got huge. The iPhone took off. And suddenly there was a huge new potential market of internet users and phone-havers, and the cheap money was available to start backing new tech startup companies trying to hop on this opportunity. Companies like Uber, Netflix, and Amazon either started in this time, or hit their ramp-up in these years by shifting focus to the internet and apps.
Now, every start-up tech company dreaming of being the next big thing has one thing in common: they need to start off by getting themselves massively in debt. Because before you can turn a profit you need to first spend money on employees and spend money on equipment and spend money on data centers and spend money on advertising and spend money on scale and and and
But also, everyone wants to be on the ship for The Next Big Thing that takes off to the moon.
So there is a mutual interest between new tech companies, and venture capitalists who are willing to invest $$$ into said new tech companies. Because if the venture capitalists can identify a prize pig and get in early, that money could come back to them 100-fold or 1,000-fold. In fact it hardly matters if they invest in 10 or 20 total bust projects along the way to find that unicorn.
But also, becoming profitable takes time. And that might mean being in debt for a long long time before that rocket ship takes off to make everyone onboard a gazzilionaire.
But luckily, for tech startup bros and venture capitalists, being in debt in the 2010's was cheap, and it only got cheaper between 2010 and 2020. If people could secure loans for ~3% or 4% annual interest, well then a $100,000 loan only really costs $3,000 of interest a year to keep afloat. And if inflation is higher than that or at least similar, you're still beating the system.
So from 2010 through early 2022, times were good for tech companies. Startups could take off with massive growth, showing massive potential for something, and venture capitalists would throw infinite money at them in the hopes of pegging just one winner who will take off. And supporting the struggling investments or the long-haulers remained pretty cheap to keep funding.
You hear constantly about "Such and such app has 10-bazillion users gained over the last 10 years and has never once been profitable", yet the thing keeps chugging along because the investors backing it aren't stressed about the immediate future, and are still banking on that "eventually" when it learns how to really monetize its users and turn that profit.
The pandemic in 2020 took a magnifying-glass-in-the-sun effect to this, as EVERYTHING was forcibly turned online which pumped a ton of money and workers into tech investment. Simultaneously, money got really REALLY cheap, bottoming out with historic lows for interest rates.
Then the tide changed with the massive inflation that struck late 2021. Because this all-gas no-brakes state of things was also contributing to off-the-rails inflation (along with your standard-fare greedflation and price gouging, given the extremely convenient excuses of pandemic hardships and supply chain issues). The federal reserve whipped out interest rate hikes to try to curb this huge inflation, which is like a fire extinguisher dousing and suffocating your really-cool, actively-on-fire party where everyone else is burning but you're in the pool. And then they did this more, and then more. And the financial climate followed suit. And suddenly money was not cheap anymore, and new loans became expensive, because loans that used to compound at 2% a year are now compounding at 7 or 8% which, in the language of compounding, is a HUGE difference. A $100,000 loan at a 2% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, accrues to $121,899. A $100,000 loan at an 8% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, more than doubles to $215,892.
Now it is scary and risky to throw money at "could eventually be profitable" tech companies. Now investors are watching companies burn through their current funding and, when the companies come back asking for more, investors are tightening their coin purses instead. The bill is coming due. The free money is drying up and companies are under compounding pressure to produce a profit for their waiting investors who are now done waiting.
You get enshittification. You get quality going down and price going up. You get "now that you're a captive audience here, we're forcing ads or we're forcing subscriptions on you." Don't get me wrong, the plan was ALWAYS to monetize the users. It's just that it's come earlier than expected, with way more feet-to-the-fire than these companies were expecting. ESPECIALLY with Wall Street as the other factor in funding (public) companies, where Wall Street exhibits roughly the same temperament as a baby screaming crying upset that it's soiled its own diaper (maybe that's too mean a comparison to babies), and now companies are being put through the wringer for anything LESS than infinite growth that Wall Street demands of them.
Internal to the tech industry, you get MASSIVE wide-spread layoffs. You get an industry that used to be easy to land multiple job offers shriveling up and leaving recent graduates in a desperately awful situation where no company is hiring and the market is flooded with laid-off workers trying to get back on their feet.
Because those coin-purse-clutching investors DO love virtue-signaling efforts from companies that say "See! We're not being frivolous with your money! We only spend on the essentials." And this is true even for MASSIVE, PROFITABLE companies, because those companies' value is based on the Rich Person Feeling Graph (their stock) rather than the literal profit money. A company making a genuine gazillion dollars a year still tears through layoffs and freezes hiring and removes the free batteries from the printer room (totally not speaking from experience, surely) because the investors LOVE when you cut costs and take away employee perks. The "beer on tap, ping pong table in the common area" era of tech is drying up. And we're still unionless.
Never mind that last part.
And then in early 2023, AI (more specifically, Chat-GPT which is OpenAI's Large Language Model creation) tears its way into the tech scene with a meteor's amount of momentum. Here's Microsoft's prize pig, which it invested heavily in and is galivanting around the pig-show with, to the desperate jealousy and rapture of every other tech company and investor wishing it had that pig. And for the first time since the interest rate hikes, investors have dollar signs in their eyes, both venture capital and Wall Street alike. They're willing to restart the hose of money (even with the new risk) because this feels big enough for them to take the risk.
Now all these companies, who were in varying stages of sweating as their bill came due, or wringing their hands as their stock prices tanked, see a single glorious gold-plated rocket up out of here, the likes of which haven't been seen since the free money days. It's their ticket to buy time, and buy investors, and say "see THIS is what will wring money forth, finally, we promise, just let us show you."
To be clear, AI is NOT profitable yet. It's a money-sink. Perhaps a money-black-hole. But everyone in the space is so wowed by it that there is a wide-spread and powerful conviction that it will become profitable and earn its keep. (Let's be real, half of that profit "potential" is the promise of automating away jobs of pesky employees who peskily cost money.) It's a tech-space industrial revolution that will automate away skilled jobs, and getting in on the ground floor is the absolute best thing you can do to get your pie slice's worth.
It's the thing that will win investors back. It's the thing that will get the investment money coming in again (or, get it second-hand if the company can be the PROVIDER of something needed for AI, which other companies with venture-back will pay handsomely for). It's the thing companies are terrified of missing out on, lest it leave them utterly irrelevant in a future where not having AI-integration is like not having a mobile phone app for your company or not having a website.
So I guess to reiterate on my earlier point:
Drowned rats. Swimming to the one ship in sight.
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Rotation is actually awesome, because I'm way too stingy when it comes to spending resources, wildcards especially, and I ESPECIALLY never craft full playsets of cards because what if I get a 5th copy in a pack or in limited? That's inefficient! I must be as efficient as possible! But now that Midnight Hunt and Crimson Vow have rotated, I'm never going to get any packs or play any limited events for them, so I'm in the clear to craft playsets of all the cards I want to make decks with!
Normally this would be pointless because the cards have rotated out of standard, but I pretty much only play Arena for limited and direct games now, and even when I do play matchmaking constructed I still don't use wildcards because of the above mentioned 5th copy issue. So now I finally have something to spend my 300 uncommon wildcards on!
I never had more than 2 copies of any of these, now I have a full playset of the first two and 3 copies of Grafkeeper!
#original#actually i'm also already never going to get any packs or play any limited for Dominaria United through March of the Machine#but i'm not especially excited for any of those sets except All Will Be One so meh#meanwhile one of the first decks i ever made was a disturb deck and now i get to make the exact kind of disturb deck i want!#2 disturb decks actually!#i always loved Shipwreck Sifters and Overwhelmed Archivist both for general usefulness in a disturb deck and for their combo together#turn 2 sifters in to turn 3 archivist feels SO GOOD but i rarely got to experience it#now i have 4 copies of each!#and also an aura disturb deck because i already had 4 copies of Brine Comber#in total these two costed me over 10 wildcards and i feel great about it!#also just. wow. shipwreck sifters is SO STRONG for a common#2-drop 2/3 that loots and can grow even bigger. it has to be in the right deck but WOW#i've always been enchanted by that card for being so good at common
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