#and i dont want to take away from the amount of shit that plus size people go through

[gonzoinamaskandcape]

someone will make a joke about how short they are and i instantly become aware of the fact that im wearing thicker shoes than them and if i took them off the size would uhhhhh not make them the shortest in the room anymore

[terraliensvent]

Can we mention and call attention to how their website looks now? They don't seem to check the final work at all. Some items like Gummy Eye, Shell Pot, and Inchsect are larger than the rest of the items, which makes them stick out of the line, which is just ugly.

Also now the images for forest and grassland locations have just a huge weight, which makes the foraging page take an unreasonable amount of time to load. Guys, I just want to make a couple clicks and go about my business again, why should I have to wait for the site to load because your images weigh so much?

And continuing with the artist thing. Items are drawn in different styles and it seems like the current owners don't think about how things end up looking at all. And I just don't understand why? I thought the new owners were more interested in the quality of the species, but it looks like I was wrong.

This all goes to show that the moderation doesn't seem to check at all how certain pages are displayed and working.

the item sizes thing i remember being way more egregious than this (or maybe it has to do with the fact im on mobile), but the funny thing about lorekeeper is that the size of items and awards and stuff is determined by the size of the image. im pretty sure you have to edit the css if you want the site to automatically resize the images.

the heavy images issue is also something ive noticed, they NEED to compress the images for the foraging locations because if it loads like shit now, imagine what itll be like when they all have insanely large image files to boot up when people just wanna do 3 clicks. its incredibly easy to compress images, you can do it right from your browser and usually theres no way to even tell the difference between a compressed image and a non-compressed (at least when its been resized like the foraging locations are). the same issue comes up with the items, inventories take forever to load now and i think the problem is because EVERY NEW ITEM IS ON A 1000x1000 CANVAS. for reference, lorekeeper recommends 100x100 for items. you do NOT need a canvas that big, and it shows they dont really know how to make items.

listen, i dont mean to hate on terra artists or whatever, just gonna point out examples

the problem with using such a big canvas for items is that you create a lot of tiny details that arent needed for an item icon. think of items in video games, you want to make something visually appealing and recognizable with as little detail as possible. the pincher potion, gummy eye, and silk wyrm are good examples of this, limited palettes, strong linework, and enough contrast/strong silhouette to be recognized from far away. i think the fur pop, shell pot, and moonfin are examples of how not to do items. the fur pop is too overly rendered, and the linework is very thin and small within the actual lollipop. the moonfin and shell pot both have small details (ie. the tassel on the moonfin’s arrow + the bits of fur on the shell pot) and the rendering issue from before. reminder that these are eventually going to be used as emojis on the discord, theyll be incredibly hard to read at such a small size plus incredibly unrecognizable to users familiar with the old items. in addition, the shell pot lacks direction in design, it reads more as an item that would grant a tail trait or a mist trait, not shell/exoskeleton. fallen tail, monstera bat, and horseshoe beetle also have these issues, but theyre similar enough to the old items that people will probably still recognize them.

like, look at these iconic items. they are so popular because theyre simple and recognizable from a distance, you can make them as big or as small as you want, you can see it from 10 feet away and still know what it is. THATS good item design.

i think this goes back to “mods hiring their friends,” you just pick people on a personal bias and dont consider the level of skill in making specific items because item design is not the same as making fully finished rendered art. it takes a different eye and you need to think of different principles than you would when making a full piece.

and heres the thing, that doesnt even necessarily mean the art is bad. the fur pop for example, has a very distinct and eye catching style; however, the issue is that theres no uniformity WHATSOEVER. these dont look like theyre all part of the same world, if all the items were done in the same gritty rendered style of the fur pop i would say its a great set, its the fact that you have some items that are incredibly simple, some that are “gritty,” and some that are just silly.

if nothing else, at the very least PLEASE make your canvas smaller and compress your images, youre making the site painful to use (and thats especially an issue when your site has so little functionality anyways)

[acheronist]

okay 🖤 yay🖤

ok starting off with this spooky picture of my big beautiful monstera named nessie who is rapidly taking over the bay window. i love her more than anything else. she's sooo happy in this spot it's unreal... she's seriously putting out a 1-2 new big fenestrated leaves every week i love her crazy ass. i keep wanting to turn her around though so the leaves are facing in towards the room but literally every single time the leaves will just face back towards the sun by the end of the day. but she's happy so i just have to live with the behind view of her i guess

next up are the ones i'm playing favorites with. so we have the tiny little raven zz branch propagation that's still kicking LMAO + the calathea white fusion i got for my birthday + the syngonium holly.

no visual changes to the zz but when i put it in soil it had developed a rhizome + teeny roots so i presume it's still just. developing the root system before we get to any new branch/leaf growth so that's fine!!

unforch the calathea did get a little bit dehydrated and frail while i was sick and forgot to water LMAO so some of the older leaves started to wither and get crispy around the edges but we're back on a watering schedule and she's perked up a lot. i think it's really happy in the greenhouse box too because we're finally!!!! getting new leaves which is sooo exciting. i love calatheas so much rahhhh

the syngonium currently winning second place for Tallest Plant I Have. it's got three main vining branches and each one is growing at a pretty equal pace? recently had to put in some acrylic stakes to give it some support but i fear that it will need a larger pot + trellis soon... that's a problem for future me though. also i dont want to repot it though because i think the pot it's in is sooo gorgeous fr

the peacock calathea is for sure the Actual Tallest Plant I Have. peppercorn pictured for size comparison lol. this plant and I had a weird few weeks where i tried moving it around in different spots to see which light it preferred while also maintaining a nice breeze and humidity level? and we had 0 growth and very minimal prayer leaf movement BUT I THINK WE FOUND A PERFECT SPOT. FINALLY. in about two weeks it's shot up like six new leaves and its so fun to see them come up... they emerge straight up + coiled like cigar papers i love themmmm

so these are both tradescantia plants

wandering dude on the left is still kicking. she's kind of frail like i'm always worried this thing is one day of not being watered away from dying? but she bounces back really nicely so idk maybe i just have the most melodramatic wandering dude of all time. anyways lots of vining growth compared to when i got it so that's fun to see eheheh.

the other one is a new one i bought today!!! it literally just said 'tradescantia' on the label and was super dry in the shop... i can't quite tell which specific tradescantia it is though? definitely not a wandering dude and its leaves+branches almost remind me more of a succulent!? if anyone knows wtf this is let me know. i think the pinstriped leaves are sooo gorjuss though i'm excited to see it grow n__n

BABY DARLING ANGEL.... BLACK CARDINAL PHILODENDRON I LOVE YOUUU i will keep you alive forever i promise. this was a baby starter plant i bought online as an experiment and i'm sooo thrilled that it's still kicking and thriving. the huge new leaf on the right is only about a week old and it changed from a really light green to this dark brown color already... PLUS the new leaf already coming out of the stem? sickos voice HA HA YES i can't wait to see this thing get its huge red and black leaves. i'll literally throw a party idc

rest of the greenhouse box

this pilea pisses me off so much. the amount of shit i've done to revive this plant makes me feel like dr victor frankenstein. and then peppercorn tried to eat it a few days ago so it got put back in the greenhouse to recover LOL

sensitive plant is new today as well!!!! i always thought they were so darling and have wanted one for ages but pepri will chew any delicate ferns to hell and back so this one gets to live in the greenhouse box forever now

fittonia...... baby i love you.... please be less freaky and suicidal... thanks.....

and i don't want you guys to think i'm letting peppercorn gnaw on these plants all of the time!!! i would never do that to her or the plants. so we compromised and she's gotten a special catgrass plant to nibble on when she likes and it looks busted as fuck but she's loving it LMAO

[fandom-go-round]

Can I ask for an Obey Me! request? Where the brothers (if you dont want to do all of them then just whoever you feel like writing for) make casual comments about weight related things and they dont realize it upsets the plus size reader until later. like causal comments like "oh that's allot of food" and stuff like that. hurt /comfort please! love you!

Warnings: Fatphobia, Hurtful Comments about Reader’s Weight, Insecurities About Weight, Crying, Emotional Reactions

Mammon:

Mammon always has a way of sticking his foot in his mouth and this is no exception. You’re at a modeling job with him, waiting for him to finish up his shoot so you can go to dinner together. You had grabbed a large smoothie on the way over and are sipping as you watch, half curious about how modeling works and half checking him out. You’re almost done with the smoothie when he makes the comment, coming over to hang on a quick break.

“You’re not gonna need dinner at the rate you’re goin’!” There’s no malice in his voice but you freeze, eyes wide as you look to see if he really said what you thought he did. Mammon doesn’t notice, jogging back over to the set as his manager calls him over. The rest of your smoothie quickly goes into the trash and you spend the rest of the shoot looking at all of the models and cursing yourself; of course the Devildom values skinniness like Earth does.

It takes Mammon days to notice that he’s upset you, mostly because he’s too busy running the high of having money again. He does notice when you dip out of movie night and refuse to let him take you to dinner. Everything comes to a head when he barges into your room demanding an explanation and you’re crying.

He feels like absolute shit when you tell him what’s wrong. He blows off all your reassurances that you’re used to this and that you know he didn’t mean it. Weight isn’t an issue that Mammon has ever had to deal with but he does know about being teased and made fun of. He’s quick to beg your forgiveness and make things right. He becomes your number one supporter, buying you cute clothes and whatever you want to feel better. He’s quick to snarl at anyone who even makes a comment vaguely talking about weight in your direction. Mammon would support you if you wanted to lose weight but might pout a bit; he loves that you’re soft and have places for him to grab onto.  

 Leviathan:

Everyone knows that anime and manga have some of the most unrealistic women out there. That doesn’t stop people from being into it or loving 2D women more than real women. Being into anime before the Devildom had you prepared for this but Levi takes it to another level with Ruri-chan. You shouldn’t have been surprised by the comment but you would have thought Levi might be able to understand, considering his own insecurities.

“I don’t understand how anyone wouldn’t want to look like Ruri-chan! She’s the perfect woman!” You’re mind takes it the way you’ve always taken comments like that: ‘perfect woman’ means thin. You make an excuse to leave quickly after that, Levi only half noticing as he goes into another rant.

He doesn’t understand why you keep avoiding talking to him! An episode of your favorite anime is out and you refuse to come watch it with him! It’s blasphemy! It takes him almost a week to work up to nerve to come to your room and demand answers. Levi is a stuttering mess but when he finally gets out what he wants to talk about you look away, seeming almost as embarrassed as he is.

Levi starts to spiral in the middle of your explanation, blaming himself for being a gross otaku and giving you these thoughts. He know anime expectations are unrealistic (it’s one of the reasons why he likes it) but its another to see it used to hurt people. Both of you end of crying and there’s a lot of frank talk about body image. It’s a good way to bond, even if it did happen for a crappy reason. Levi is more sensitive to what he says and tries to find anime with more diverse characters. He also starts trying to find more plus size hentai… not for any reason in particular though!! He just wants to make sure there is some, that’s all!

 Asmodeus:

Hanging out with Asmo can be a blessing and a curse. He’s beautiful and loves fashion and you love to go shopping with him. The downside to that is you have body negative days that tend to match up with Amo’s feeling great days. The shops in the Devildom are a lot like Earth’s; plus size store exist but they’re more expensive and harder to find. Asmo doesn’t fit into any of the stores you do and you never ask to go, not wanting to point out the obvious differences between the two of you.

“You really should take better care of yourself darling, just think of all the things that would look good on you if you did!” You freeze immediately at his words, dropping whatever you had been looking at like it burned you. Asmo had been watching you in the mirror, eyes trained on your hair and skin but all you could think of was your weight. That’s a harsh comment, coming from the Avatar of Lust and you have to resist the urge to burst into tears in the middle of the store.

He knows the moment you start holding back tears that he’s messed up but he has no idea what to do. He tries to explain himself but you wave him off just saying that ‘I’d like to go home now’. You both leave the store after that, heading back in silence. You quickly go to your room and skip dinner, making everyone interrogate him about what happened. Satan is the one who points out that it might be weight related and Asmo has to resist the urge to cry at the table.

He bursts into your room the next afternoon and forces you to get up. You were planning on staying in bed the entire day but he convinces you to have a spa day with him. You’re not mad at Asmo, just yourself. You know how vain he is so it shouldn’t have surprised you. Asmo, however, apologizes for the first ten minutes, practically begging you to forgive him. You have a conversation about dos and don’ts and Asmo takes it to heart, listening to you and trying to understand your struggles. After your spa day he surprises you by bringing out a mountain of outfits; he had run to some of the shops that fit you and got things! If there’s anything you hate it’s quick to disappear but he wants to pamper you and this is the best way he knows how.

 Beelzebub:

Beel loves hanging out with you because you love food like he does. Not to the same physical amount of course, but you’re always willing to try new things and go new places with him. Everyone knows that if there’s a new restaurant you and Beel (and sometimes Belphie) are going to be some of the first people in line. Just because you love to eat doesn’t mean that you’re immune to the things people say about the two of you. You just wouldn’t have thought that Beel would say anything.

"That’s a lot of food.” You freeze, looking up from your plate to look across the table. Beel’s eyes are locked on your plate and not his own, even though his plate is pilled much higher than yours. “Are you going to eat it all?” You don’t hear anything after his second question, appetite suddenly gone. He doesn’t wait for your response, eating his own food with vigor and eating yours once you push it over to him.

You stop going out to eat with him after that, hardly eating at school or at the House of Lamentation. Sure, you eat enough so that no one says anything but Beel knows better. You don’t snack like you used to or eat cakes with him, you just eat and then that’s it. He talks to Belphie about it and his bother helps figure it out; when did they stop eating? Why? He puts it together after that, feeling horrible once he remembers you talking about how people used to make fun of you in the human world.

Beel shows up at your door the next day, a box from Madame Scream’s in hand and a determined look on his face. He asks to talk to you and you have a conversation about what he said, ignoring the box even as his stomach growls. He apologizes for upsetting you and says that he doesn’t care what size you are, he likes you for you. If people are going to make fun of you or try to bully you, he’ll protect you because you mean a lot to him. You end up splitting the box of treats with Beel, happier than you have been all week. He doesn’t tell you but he prefers that you’re bigger; he’s a big guy after all and it’s a relief not to worry about hurting you as much.

[popculturebuffet]

House of Mouse: Max’s Embarrassing Date Review

Hello House Mouses and welcome back to the house of mouse. Another comission by Kev and my second House of Mouse for the valentine’s season. This time we’re not tackling a Valentine’s Episode necesarily, but a romantic one all the same as fan faviorite couple Max and Roxanne finally go on a date.  I always liked Max. Even as a kid when I wasn’t the biggest fan of “A Goofy Movie”, didn’t like the darker patches like the principals office scene or the Pete Hot tub scene.. though in hindsight both had legit greviances with Max... it just dosen’t make either less terrible as the principal still told an innocnet man who wasn’t responsible for what his kid did and was trying his best that his son was going to become a crminal because of one stupid but mostly harmless prank, and Pete.. is just an abusive, unlikeable and unlovable ass in both Goof Troop and Goofy Movie, and I hate how he treats his son, don’t blame his wife for leaving him or taking their daughter and dog, and am really sad he got custody of PJ somehow. And for the record this isn’t ALL petes, just this version. The rest are fine and just the right level of asshole. 

Point is despite my problems with the first film, I had none with the second and even now I like it due to having some really good ideas and concepts while also being gloirously rediclous due to the loveably dated X-Games element. While I do have a spot in my heart for the Dana Hill and Shaun Fleming versions, especially the latter once upon a christmas is awesome, Jason Marsden’s version is the best by the mile having the right amount of ego mixed with self doubt to make him likeable enough to brook him being an ass to his dad a lot. He’s a good character.. and it baffles me Disney NEVER uses him nowadays. No really, the last time he showed up was in twice upon a christmas and no one liked that because he was dating someone who wasn’t Roxanne just to rehash the same plot they’d already rehashed better in Extremley Goofy Movie. I REALLY need to rewatch that one. Hmm.... gonna see if I can squeeze that one into May or later in April. That’s for another time. 

But yeah while he’s at one of the disney parks, that’s it. The character just .. vanished, and hasn’t been brought back in any way shape or form. Though I could see either a Disney Plus reboot of goof troop or a goofy movie with max having his own kids. That could be intresting. Also bring Roxanne back as weirdly this episode i’m reviewing, a goofy movie and now her ducktales cameo are her ONLY apperances. 

Seriously I get she’s not the most fleshed out.. but then flesh her out. Like Max she’s crminally underused and while I get her absence as a character in the sequel, the plot really didn’t need her, he still could’ve been dating her off screen. Though clearly the two worked things out and tried again as this episode came out AFTER extremely did. But did this episode work out? Join me under the cut to find out. 

As i’ve decided is my standard for House of Mouse Episodes, shorts first, then wraparound, then Mickey Mouse live sex celebration. Though I will say i’ve picked up there are two kinds of formats for the show: They either use two of the longer Mouseworks shorts or just one close to 11 minute short, a medium one, and one of the little two minute segments. There might be a break from this in the future, we shall see but for now those ar ethe two standards. This time we have two longer shorts. 

Pluto’s Penthouse Sweet: 

I’ve mentioned in the past I dont’ really get why Pluto is part of Disney’s sensational six along with Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy and Daisy. And I stand by that: While he’s had his own cartoons they just aren’t as entertaining and creative as MIckey’s or hilarous and relatable as Donald and Goofy’s. He’s just an average cartoon dog. He works fine in tandem with Mickey, but on his own he’s just nothing and his spot should be taken by pete, who while not a goodie all the time, again the goof troop version needs to step on a rake and fall into a well.. somehow. i didn’t think my insult through. Point is pete is better.  And this short isn’t BAD .. but to me it’s what some fans THINK the disney shorts are: Bland, maybe one or two good jokes but almost nothing new or intresting. As I found out last year, that’s far from the case, as a lot of the Donald shorts are still hilarious today and a lot of the mickey shorts are shockingly creative, like Thru The Mirorr where he goes .. well thru the mirror into a wonderland like world where all the inanaimate objects are alive and he can shrink and what not via astral projection, or Mickey’s Mechanical Man, which I sadly didn’t know about when I did the MIckey Birthday Special and for some reason isn’t on disne plus. In it Mickey creates a robot and has it box a monsterous looking gorillia. 

How has Mickey piloting this thing but giant sized against various kaiju been a thing yet? And if it has someone tell me. Seriously with all the comics and animated series how. I’d even settle for a Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse episode. Just bring this guy back. Point is there was far more invetnion than it seemed.. at least at first as it slowly died out as they went by the late 50′s. But Pluto just seemed even in their hayday like your standard pet gets into antics thing without the creative slapstick of tom and jerry or the likeablity of sylvester who never could get that asshole Tweety Bird. This is just weak sauce and whiel I could forgive the older shorts, as their from another time and likely lead to say Tom and Jerry... I can’t forgive this which was made probably in 1998 and released in 1999 originally. Comedy had evolved a LOT by that point and unlike the Goofy how to shorts, which are a format that is immortal and still evolved to match the times and felt fresh, these just feel stale and boring and like the last Pluto short I covered this one was a chore to sit through though not nearly AS bad. 

Still though the premise is about the same, Pluto’s left to his own devices, and finds a female dog, though in this case she’s VERY intrested in him. I”m also not entirley convinced she’s a dog, but instead one of Jumba’s experiments and that Lilo and Stitch later had to journey to.. wherever these shorts take place to fetch him. Or more likely the house of mouse. I mean Proud Family, Recess, American Dragon Jake Long and Kim Possible all take place int hat universe, why can’t house of mouse? Also tell me you wouldn’t watch an avengers style team consisting of Kim, Ron, Jake, Penny, Probably TJ, Lilo, Stitch and Donald Duck. If you wouldn’t i’d call you a liar because you would be. 

Seriously the eyes give her away.... just look at them. Very experimenty. But before Pluto can do it like they do on the discovery channel he has to get past the guard dog.. though how he does produces the one great gag of the short, as he BUILDS A GIANT, TROJAN HORSE ESQUE PLUTO OUT OF JUNK. Just holy shit that’s awesome> It gets him inside, only for him to find his lady friend is a bit TOO affectionate and he has to escape, he does so, and MIckey wonders if he missed him etc lame button. This short was a vacuum of comedy outside of GIANT PLUTO. Seriously where’s my disney giant mecha series. YOu have five main characters, and Pluto among with MANY, MANY side characters, frmo scrooge to the boys to hopefully Della, to even possibly pete and mortimer who could have their own mech against the heroes but maybe join them in the last episode. Maybe max and pj could have some, have a father vs son thing with PJ and Pete. I”m just saying, i’d watch it. I know my nieces would watch it. I know my nephews would watch it. Greenlight it. Or i’ll make it.. somehow. 

How to Ride a Bike: Speaking of the How To Shorts, as usual for the House of Mouse era ones.. this was awesome, pretty much what you’d expect, some goofy, pardon the pun, gags about goofy riding a bike and then a fun climax of him in a bike race. Not a ton to add, other than that hamster bike above is genius. Just needs some tweaking. Really funny, really simple, and really good as you’d expect from a good Goofy Short. Easily the best part of the episode. 

Max’s Embarrassing Date: So this was a disapointment. Like i’d try to be nice.. but I had high hopes given this brought Roxanne back, and while the premise was stock maybe they’d do something funny with with it. 

But no the plot is pretty standard, very predictable and fairly obnoxious. Max has a date with Roxanne, and is playing it cool and what not, but is worried his dad will find out.. which he somehow did offscreen. Probably Clarabelle.. I mean they do go out sometimes in this one, wouldn’t surprise me. 

So Max pleads with the rest of the HOM staff to keep him away because he fears his dad will overdo things, which.. is fair and one of the few things I like> He dosen’t want him to overdo it on the mood because this is well.. a first date. He dosen’t want to pressure her or himself and just wants it to be nice and calm. The problem is it’s framed like him once again being embarassed by his dad and having to learn better.

At this point we’d had TWO movies do this already, one of which was only two years old at the time of this episode. This plot is stale as old toast even if it dind’t have goofy in it. And the twist is predictable: the HOM crew end up also overdoing it: Minnie comments on how cute they are and wants candles brought, Daisy gets them a bigger table forgetting how dates work,t hough we do get a great gag of hte 7 dwarves stacked, and Mickey while having .. some.. gopher? I honestly can’t tell who it was, usually i’m better at the cameos. Speaking of which they also have a runner of beast going on a date with Cruella Devile. 

I mean is he cheating on his wife? Is she holding his wife hostage? Is this before belle because we see a post transfomratoin beast too so maybe the House of Mouse is an intersection of space and time? That’s.. actually the most resonable answer I can think of honestly and when i’m focusing more on how the hell your gag works than how funny it is, you clearly failed somewhere along the line. 

Point is Mickey puts his good friend in a pothole, and not only calls max little max, which while an understnadably close family thing to do is still embarassing, but also takes pictures while their eating the spagetthi.. which i’m 100% sure was Huey’s idea nad had Mickey not interrupted, would’ve been tied up down the middle for a lady and the tramp thing. It’s his signature move. Well that and having a panic attack. That’s also one of mine the others being lettterkenny refrences and sex jokes about disney characters.  But yeah this just.. dosen’t work. Them being as embarassing? that’d be fine.. if they weren’t wholly unsympathetic for not only keeping their friend from WELL INTEITONEDLY trying to help his son on his date, something his son shold have no problem with since ROXANNE’S MET HIM. AND IS FINE WITH HIM. AND NEVER CARED ABOUT YOU BEING HIS SON LIKE THE DICKHEADS AT SCHOOL. MINUS BOBBY WHO YOUR FRIENDS WITH FOR SOME REASON. My point is this plot bothers me a lot, and it makes the mickey crew come off like assholes for doing this to thier friend instead of just talking to him like a person. Especially since only ONE of them is a parent and Conviently donald is mostly absent. Likely because he realized this was going to end badly and just agreed to tie the spagetthi like huey taught him to keep his involvment in this shit show and gaslighting his best friend to a minimum. 

Eventually Mickey takes things a step too far and has Sebastian almost sing kiss the girl. Max cuts him off though yelling that he just wants them to back off, he just wants them to relax and he TOLD them this, which makes them come off worse as they KNEW he didn’t want this and did it anyway and never apologize becaue apparently the first rule of house of mouse is never apologize for anything, huh huh. Goofy naturally steps in, tells them off and agrees to serve them and Roxanne finds him entertaining and gives him a nose kiss for being a good dad. He’s a good guy that Goof.  Roxanne then whispers something in max’s ear at the end of the date... which gives him an audible erection. No really. And given his age is vauge here I’m suddenly super duper uncomfortable so let’s move on. 

So max tells them she liked it and wants to come back.. 100% sure that wasn’t what she said but what she said isn’t fit to print and you’ve seen what i’ve said and what I put in the we’ll be right back. Point is he’s happy, though Mickey says we’ll try to make it extra special next time. Mickey.. did you do a space mountain’s worth of pills and cokea nd just forget the entire evening? Did you take some of those hangover roofies/ Why would you do that? Was that pete’s new plan to steal the house of mouse? To drug you guys and make you forget you already paid the rent? Did PJ stop him? Inquiring me wants to know. 

Final Thoughts: Yeah this wasn’t a very good episode. Roxanne is wasted despite having a suitable replacment Roxanne voice in Grey Delise, with no real depth just to rehash the plot of the first and second goofy movies. And this one didn’t have an inexpilicable beatnik cafe, PJ getting laid and finally being happy for once, a standard college fraternity plot  surgeically infused with an out of nowhere obession with xtreme sports that was nowhere in the first film, Goofy in an afro, Goofy finding love, That disco sequence, and a climax in which Goofy carries Brad Garret out of a fire, then Brad Garret probably kills the villian of the film who certainly deserved it. My points are this episode was an underwhelming rehash only saved by some good shippy moments and a good goofy short. It was weak, not all that funny, and not all that intersting.  My other point is that an extremley goofy movie is awesome and also kinda insane and I love it for that. I’m glad I saw this one but i’m really disapointed in how bleh it was. Next time I visit the house of mouse is.. actually in a few days as Pete Does a One Man Show. So yeah already 100% better just by having THAT musical number in it, see you then and if not, there’s always another rainbow. 

[bi-dazai]

okay while we're on the subject of eating healthy and exercising, I want to vent/talk about weight loss. This is gonna be a rly controversial, very personal and extremely long post but I do want to make a point. I'm not going to discuss every fucking nuance of haes or my EDs. But for clarity, know that my eds are complicated and were mostly osfeds - minor anorexia osfed in high school and bed osfed when I was 18-19. after i realised how fat i was the minor anorexia came back and over the pandemic it became full scale anorexia nervosa.

I'm 5'3. The healthy weight range I should be in is in the high 40s-low 50s. I went up to TWICE that by the time I was just nineteen years old. It wasn't fun being fat. I consumed as much fat acceptance, fat activism content as I could, I pretended I was confident and happy even when I was fat. But I wasn't. Because people don't just get obese accidentally. A little overweight, yes. But obese? No. You get obese from depression, from giving up. You don't want to move so you don't. You're sad all the time, and the body positivity circles say eat comfort food, whatever and as much as it makes you feel better!! Do you know what that is? That's encouragement of BED. Do not say that. Because I did that. I ate sugar and junk food, I was still depressed.

I was reading these posts that were claiming fat people shouldn't be weighed at the doctor, that your weight shouldn't count, that BMI is incorrect and doesn't matter, etc etc. There were posts saying that they got "perfect bloodwork" (what even is that? I knew that was wrong, I've had chronic iron deficiency for a decade!) even though they were fat, so they had to be healthy, right? I got shown pictures of obese ballerinas and obese weightlifters blah blah blah. And I grew and grew, and I got to almost 85kg on the fast track to 100kg before reality smacked me in the face and I realised I was shortening my lifespan by decades.

Here's what it was like being obese!

- joint pain, constantly

- could barely walk anywhere without feeling out of breath

- couldn't find any fashionable, good quality clothes (plus size stores either carry unfashionable clothing, or fashionable but cheap quality clothing. I don't like to waste money on cheap clothes)

- more acne than I'd had in years

- oily skin

- more difficulty feeling "full"

- JOINT FUCKING PAIN

- rashes from skin rubbing against skin!

- even larger chest, making me MORE dysphoric

- back pain!!

- snoring - this is not just embarrassing. This is potentially deadly.

- DYSPHORIA

- KNEES. JOINT PAIN.

- DYSPHORIA

this was just things I felt physically, noticeably! The things that my fat was doing on the inside was even worse. Fat isn't just this layer of packing peanuts that appears on top of you. It coats your organs. It gets everywhere. It makes your entire body run worse.

Fat also makes it much more likely for you to not just GET cancer, but it it also makes it harder to FIGHT cancer. Being obese makes almost every single goddamn sickness on the planet worse because when you have THAT MUCH fat tissue the hormones and shit it secretes fucks EVERYTHING up.

Yes there are obese bodybuilders. Yes there are obese ballerinas. Let's talk about those two.

There are plenty of drs and dieticians who have pointed out the obvious - if an obese person was really, actually eating healthily and exercising every day, they would not stay obese forever. Its not magic, it's thermodynamics. CICO done right works for everyone. If you are eating healthy, appropriate portions for weight loss at your TDEE and exercising it would literally be IMPOSSIBLE for you not to lose weight!! Even more the heavier you are because when you exercise you carry around a lot more weight.

Obese weightlifters are still obese. They are not proof you can be obese and healthy. They are still going to die younger if they do not lose weight.

Let's talk about fat ballerinas. The only ones I've seen are trainee ballerinas, not professional ones. And their performance looks impressive at first, until you look closer. You notice their balance is never quite perfect, their control can be amazing and the best ever but they'll still be off. Why? Because fat moves around with your movement, and it displaces your balance and your line of movement. It's simply not possible to do something like ballet dancing as a fat person without risking major injury as well. En pointe is already stupid dangerous for the skinniest ballerina. Going en pointe at anything above 60kg is going to get progressively suckier the heavier you go. And god help your ankles because falling down will always end in a major injury.

I'm so fucking done with "fat acceptance". I'm tired of "body positivity" being a movement about obese middle-upper class white women and not about scars and disabilities etc like it was focused on in the start. I have no problems with Health at Every Size - every person should feel happy to workout, to eat healthy. I have no problem raising issue with people bullying others for their weight as well. That's wrong. But pretending that it's Healthy at Every Size is a fucking lie, and it's one that could've sentenced me to an early death. Healthy at Every Size said I was condemned to joint pain and oily skin and depression and exhaustion for the rest of my life based on cherrypicked sentences from studies that didn't agree with them. That "95% of diets fail" sentence in particular drives me up the wall. You don't need a diet to lose weight, you need healthy CICO, you need to eat below your TDEE, you need to eat healthy, and you need to exercise. All you have to do at first is go on a 10-20 minute walk, whatever pace you like, a few times a week.

You can BE fit, you CAN lose weight! You are not sentenced to having joint pain and an increased risk for cancer and a less effective COVID vaccine for life. You can change your body in incredibly ways. You have no idea what you are capable of.

There's this myth that weight loss takes keto and shakes and diet pills and crash diets etc. It doesn't. All it is is making sure you eat less than your TDEE, eating HEALTHY calories, and getting your heartrate up by exercising at least 175 minutes a week.

The human body is not meant to be obese. There's no such thing as a set point weight. There's CICO, there's nutrition, there's making sure your muscles dont atrophy. Weight loss and fitness isn't some magic thing that youre just born able to do. I was lazy throughout my entire teens. I thought fitness was something the popular girls did. It's not. It's for everyone. and everyone, especially in places with an obesity epidemic such as the US, UK, and Australia, should make use of it. It's a good thing. Walking is one of the best things you can do for your body, and it's incredibly rewarding in every way. Eating healthy and not eating until you feel like you're going to burst is rewarding in every way. And it's not like you can't ever have junk food again, you just have to limit it to a treat, a once or twice per week thing. And honestly, it makes it much more enjoyable that way.

Now I want to talk a little about my anorexia. My weight loss journey came to anorexia. This is because it was an eating disorder I'd had for a long time. I did not see a trainer or dietician, and I consciously decided to push myself too far. I consciously decide to eat less and exercise more when I am starving. This is not something that just happens because someone is eating at 1200cals. It happens because you have an eating disorder which you are born with. Saying people who eat 1200cals of healthy food a day and exercise right are "anorexic" is so fucking insulting to everyone involved. It's ableist and ignorant. 1200cals is also a pretty generous amount for anorexic ppl to eat. That's close to a binge in ED standards, so that should give you a reference for how offbase saying 1200cals is "anorexic" is.

My anorexia is healthy habits pushed into eating disorder territory. I eat healthy, yes, but I don't eat enough. I exercise, yes, but I often push myself too far when I'm already lacking energy. The advice I give people for health is correct, and I'm never going to go around saying "eat less than 1200cals" as weightloss advice. Eat less, sure, but there's a limit. Calorie counting is a good thing to do, tracking your macros and nutrients is good. But I do it too much.

I know what's healthy, a lot of ppl with restrictive and purgative EDs do. People with EDs can give some awesome health advice, we just can't follow it because we have a mental disorder. Believe it or not people with EDs discussing their EDs are not "pro-ana", pointing out that anorexia and people with anorexia are real and not some boogeyman you use to justify not losing weight and eating healthy is not pro-ana. Anorexia existing is not pro-ana and anorexics being anorexic has nothing to do with fatphobia.

this post is a rambling mess but i rly had to get some stuff clear on how I feel abt this stuff because it's getting concerning how much unhealthy shit, and then straight up ableist shit, that the fat acceptance crowd spews out.

A little exercise won't kill you, eating healthy won't kill you. You are not sentenced to ugly plus size fashion and joint pain and being out of breath for the rest of your life. Leave the Healthy at Every Size death cult and join the Health at Every Size movement. Let the doctor take your weight (it IS medically necessary). acknowledge that you are obese and it is affecting your health. It's scary but it can be the start of a new, healthy beginning. It was for me.

Losing 15kg has been the best thing in my life. Sure, the anorexia is there enjoying it for one reason. But the reason I truly enjoy it is because I've discovered what a healthier body feels like. I've discovered the joys of exercise, I've discovered the joys of eating healthy. I can fit nice clothes now. And I'm still overweight! I'm 66kg, that's 4kg away from the barest minimum acceptable healthy bmi. But I feel so so much better. I look better. I have a jawline! Good skin! Energy! It didn't fix me but it sure made me a hell of a lot better.

Please please try and eat healthy, eat an appropriate amount, go for walks. It's so so good, and if you do it right you WILL lose weight. You'll live past 50. You'll get to explore the world in a way you couldn't when going up stairs had you out of breath. You'll fit into that nice skirt you've been looking at. Your skin will clear up. You'll have energy and your mental health will improve.

It's so so fucking worth it to put effort into your health, like I cannot emphasise this enough. Please do it, I wish I could tell myself this when I was binging on junk because the FA crowd told me it was valid to comfort eat until I hurt.

[thirsthourdemon]

Tea party headcanon

Includes: All obey me characters except solomon, and barbatos

Genre: Fluff

Tags: Fluff, Tea party theme, Pink Pastry and Pekoe Parlour! Au, general

A/N: This is a celebration cause I happen to like my new formatting. If anyone wants to be added to the taglist then just send in an ask please!

||Lucifer

-He’s actually the one that invites you and the brothers to the tea party.

-Makes sure everyone is at least properly dressed

-A mother of 7 children cause that includes you 😌

-Hates it here the moment levi said he’d wear something from some anime about a ‘demon’ butler, mammon saying that he did NOT steal the precious fine china set and beel having that look on his face that says “If I dont eat everything on the damn table, Im eating everyone else.”

-Either drink pure black coffee or chamomile

-if He drinks an ocean of chamomile but no amount of ‘calming’ tea can help save this poor stressed demon who just thought he could finally get a small break and have a lovely afternoon tea with diavolo.

-I wont be surprised if he’s even payed 200,000 grim worth of damage on the place due to his whole family

-Satan thought it was a good idea to exchange salt with sugar but he avoided this cause he...he looked into satan’s eyes while he drank his bitter black coffee with no sugar or cream.

||Mammon

-Gold laced bone china that costs about 500 grim a cup? Sold.

-He didn’t want to go but apparently he saw something that had caught his eye ❤️

-He was always invited to be the man servant at the witches’ tea parties so he kinda thought it was boring

-Did not realize how much he liked fruit teas until he came here

-Did not bother to even wear anything fancy as requested😤

-Probably tried stealing some stuff 😔

-He is on his 3rd cup of fruit tea and the orange chiffon cake but STILL denies that he liked being there.

-Chiffon cake is his thing but he will never admit that so instead he goes for regular old bread

-Defensive over paying the bill but he gives in a bit cause lucifer had to pay for the fucking stuff he stole 😤

-Was fucked with cause diavolo was actually paying and not them

||Leviathan

-Im sorry...sebastian michaelis who? I only know levi in a stuffy butler suit

-Speak like he’s talking to his masters but still trash talks mammon

-“I thumb my nose to you, unrefined scum.”

-For some reason...I cannot stress this enough...He loves...Lolita tea parties.

-Probably a Lizzie fan from Black buttler

-He strikes me as the type to drink matcha or a classic earl grey for the aesthetic but drinks bladderwack tea due to how common it is when he was at sea

-he drinks his tea in a typical lolita designed porcelain tea cup and is charmed by it so he takes 50 photos of the set for his live journalng blog.

||Satan

-A refined gentleman who wore appropriate clothing and brought a book

-He brought a little sacket or his own spice

-He usually drinks chamomile to calm down but occassionally drinks lattes but this time since it was a tea party he settled on...wait for it...

-Ethiopian spiced tea! More specifically Cardamom milk tea in the hottest temprature it can handle

-Him and asmo like their teas hot

-Satan makes me think that he goes for finger sandwiches instead of cakes or pastries.

-Has a book with him and actually his books have tea leaves in them as well because he likes the book smell with the Lapsang Souchung tea

-The ideal guest until he tried to play a prank on lucifer

||Asmodeus

-would you believe me if I told you he walked in there wearing slim dark slacks, creamy white silked dress shirt and a pastel plum ribbon tie that makes me drool?

-OF COURSE YOU WOULD IT’S ASMO 😤

-He looks gorgeous and he knows it! And every waiter/guest there is trying to get his number! 🥺

-I can see him originally drinking assam tea but he switches between that and a very specific order of butterfly pea flower tea with 1 cube of white sugar, 1 mint leaf within a minimalistic see-through tea set

-definetely a fan of berliner or a good chilled charlotte

-Indulges in conversations with simeon, solomon, barbatos and luke like the classy boys they are

-Drinking their tea like that, gossipping like mid 19th century wives in england

-probably laughs at the more energetic people

-Has the other guests at the parlour just senting him in something sweet only for their hearts to be crushed as asmo hands the sweet gifts to his sweet beloved younger brother

||Beelzebub

-You know why he’s here

-Asmo’s personal pastry trash can

-Hungry baby is eating a whole cake by himself ❤️

-Living the dream on his 4th cake btw

-Likes Cannoli sicillianis and Chou à la crème A.K.A profiterole or french cream puffs! He likes custard inside it

-He’s not very picky on his food but he does refuse to drink matcha tea without milk

-The type to be drinking something like dandelion root tea or peppermint tea

-This is the reason he can eat food faster. Please stop him. Please.

-Surprisingly even though he doesnt like matche he keeps green tea so he can gives some to belphie to help keep him awake.

-He tries to wear something nice so...Hahahaha Enjoy beel in a thick dark blue sweater

-He cant contain his cute little hair 🥺

-Uses a tea cup the same size as a mug and a dinner plate instead of a dessert plate

-Gets destracted by the pretty flowers and thinks of lilith ✨

||Belphegor

-Im sorry...Private booth with a couch please?

-He likes nuts cause they make up for his lack of serotonin and plus sleepy

-His tea is either chamomile to calm him or something like green tea to wake him up

-Only drinks green tea that beel gives cause beel knows exactly what to wake belphie up with

-He’s old fashioned he likes his tea in a some porcelain or clay though a preference is not a requirment

-Sleepy boy like private booths and resting himself on beel who’s just munching away but when he’s awake he does join the mid 19th century wives group

-Talks shit about most of the brother, except beel cause beel though a demon is still angelic.

-Has a great time there cause he’s reminded of when him and his twins were playing tea parties

-Does not dress for the occassion cause who gives a fuck

-Has told stories or at least recalled the times that lilith has made them pretend there was tea in the cup while they tried to point out that there was in fact none

||Simeon

-Polite boy that helps set up some of the servers and praises them

-ASSAM TEA YOU CANT CONVINCE ME ON THIS. He loves the taste honestly and he thinks he likes it so much more when there’s milk with it. Likes 1 cube of sugar on it and likes it bit more on the hotter side.

-Another one who enjoys sandwiches more than pastries though please dont tell luke.

-Likes the tea party so much that he wants to host one with luke so they can invite micheal and the other angels.

-Wears something nice but still a bit more appropriate.

-Probably the next host for the tea party

-does not shit talk or gossip bad stuff be he likes to join the conversations

-Adores watching luke pick flowers at the indoor garden

||Luke

-He is such a grateful person that he also brings his own sugar cookies ❤️

-He likes scones!!!! he likes em with lots of cream and blueberries

-The type to drink some sweet tea however he swears by candyleaf as the ultimate drink for him. If there’s no candy leaf though he can always go for fruit teas and something that kicks like orange blossom sponge cakes 🥺

-Dont look at me like he wouldnt play with the flowers and explore the indoor gardens while simeon calls him and he’s already back with sweet butterflies crowding him like the most adorable angel ever

-Joins the adult table cause...h-he’s...he’s old enough 🥺👉👈 (It’s really cause simeon needs to take care of him)

-He might not like devildom but he can say that the ambiance in that place wasnt absolutely breathtaking

-Wants to recreate the sweets here as well

||Diavolo

-The host of the party and is currently tending to everyone in conversation

-He thinks he should do these more often due to how successful they are in bringing everyone together

-Brought barbatos cause only barbatos can make his special tea since the ingridients are rare to fine

-His tea? Bolivia black✨his tastes are complex yes I know

-goes on board with orange food and dark chocolate. He is so exquisite, bro. An orange-scented short bread with finely tempered dark chocolate is the best thing he pairs with that black tea.

-Has a grand time trying to give luci some of his sweet shortbread but ultimately the other demon refuses 😔

-Just fucking say yes, luci. Stop being a pussy already

Taglist: @yamaguchi-stan (Special thanks to her for my knowledge in this stuff),

[feeling-uncomfy]

This is for u @trademarked-but-not-really do with it what you will :D

There is a blood warning, just a heads up!

Also, Hawks platonically calling Tokoyami baby bird gives me serotonin —

"Goodbye, sir." Tokoyami waved from the front door of Hawks's agency. The sun was setting slowly, the sky was a warm orange colour. Hawks grinned and shot a feather to bump his interns shoulder, hands occupied. "Dont forget to text when you get back to the dorms, okay?" Tokoyami let's out a huff but nods and walks out of the building. Hawks sighs, another day done.

The other sidekicks left in an orderly fashion, each getting the paperwork finished relatively easily, so Hawks was left alone after a half hour. He sighed and looked down at the paperwork left unfinished.

It was his, so Hawks had no excuse to not have it done. Plus, the commission had been on his ass recently regarding his lack of monthly check-ins, which annoyed the winged hero. Why should he still have to answer to them? Hawks huffed and sat down, prepared to sit there and get it done.

Until there was a loud bang at the door.

Hawks sprang up. He had just closed up, why was someone there? He left his office and walked down the hall. He was about to tell whoever was there to piss off, but what he was met with made him freeze.

"Tokoyami?! What—?" Hawks walked up to the door, where Tokoyami was hunched heavily over it, clearly trembling. He didnt look up when Hawks approached, which worried him. "Kid? What's going on?"

Hawks opened the glass door, and Tokoyami fell through. Hawks let out a shout of alarm and picked his intern up, and set him on his feet. "Kid...?" Tokoyami still hadn't responded, his hands were clamped down on his beak, shielding it. Hawks couldn't help the confused expression rise on his face.

"What happened? Answer me, kiddo." He went to touch Tokoyami's beak, but the teen jerked out of his grip, and swayed dangerously on his feet. Hawks stared. It was like he couldn't stand straight.

"What happened? Answer me, kiddo." He went to touch Tokoyami's beak, but the teen jerked out of his grip, and swayed dangerously on his feet. Hawks stared. It was like he couldn't stand straight.

"Kid, I need to see your face, can you do that?" Hawks asked softly, moving closer. Tokoyami let out a pained noise in the back of his throat, but moved one hand. Hawks inhaled sharply. There was blood coating his hand, and it looked like the flow hadn't stopped.

Hawks was immediately put on edge. "Tokoyami, who did this." His voice had lost all hospitality, and Tokoyami scrunched up, clearly taken aback by the dramatic change. Hawks asked again, more urgently this time. Tokoyami couldn't get the words out.

"Did— didnt know what to—" Tokoyami shut his eyes tight again, his whole body tensed as another load of pain shot through his head. It was enough to make him stumble again. Hawks caught him easily, and moved him to the couch. Hawks didnt like how slurred and messed up his interns speech had become.

"Right, stay here, I'll go get you a first aid kit, okay? We'll fix this." Tokoyami didnt react. Hawks got worried. "Kid? Open your eyes, kid" Tokoyami's eyes opened slowly. They were glazed over and lidded. Hawks cussed. "Okay, okay. I'll be right back. Try stay awake for me." Tokoyami's eyes shut.

Shit. Did Hawks need to go to the hospital? Maybe? He should ask Eraserhead? No, the last time he asked about bird related things, Eraser said 'Hawks you're supposed to be the bird expert here.' and hung up on him. So no homeroom teacher. Maybe Dark Shadow would come out and give him answers.

Speak of the devil, Dark Shadow came round the corner. He didnt say anything, but turned and went back the way he came. Confused, Hawks followed. Tokoyami had moved from the couch to the ground. Hard, judging by the fact that the tremors had gotten worse.

"Fuck! Okay, I'm back, come on, up you come." Hakws gently moved Tokoyami to the couch again and opened the first aid kit. Tokoyami sank boneless into the plush couch, and his eyes shut again. Hawks slowly moved to peel his interns hands away from his face.

They didnt budge at first. "Come on kiddo, this'll make it hurt less, promise." Hawks coaxed gently. Tokoyami shuddered as both hands were placed on his lap. Hawks stared at the mess. It was hard to see where the blood was coming from, but there seemed to be a nasty gash across somewhere.

Hawks decided to ease his kid into it by starting at his hands. "Do you know what happened?" Hawks asked gently, pulling out a cleaning kit and wiping the red off Tokoyami's hands. His intern tried once again to get the words out, but it came out garbled and wrong. Dark Shadow came out, resting on Tokoyami's shoulder. "He cant talk properly." The shadow explained quietly, and Hawks nodded, shoving his anger down.

"Can you tell me what happened then? I really need answers here." Hawks was only partially frustrated at the lack of answers he was getting. Dark Shadow grew considerably in size. "Some asshole who doesn't like people with animal type quirks jumped us." Tokoyami's hands started shaking violently as Hawks shot up, wings flaring out.

"Are you fucking kidding me—?!" Hawks yelled. The first aid fell to the ground with a clang, and Dark Shadow flared up more. Hawks took a breath, calming himself. He picked the kit back up and silently cleaned the rest of Tokoyami's blood off of his hands. Tokoyami's hands still shook on Hawks's grip, he realised.

They came to the beak. "How much does it hurt? On a scale of one to ten." Hawks tried to gauge the reaction of the teen, reaching out. Tokoyami shifted back, shrugging. Dark Shadow answered before Tokoyami had a chance to. "He wants to tell you it's not that bad, but it hurts a lot. A solid nine point five." Hawks bit his tongue to stop himself from yelling again.

Tokoyami looked betrayed, but nodded in confirmation. Hawks exhaled slowly. "Okay, we'll I'm gonna give you something for the pain, and then I'll treat you. That sound good?" Tokoyami looked uncertainly over at the meds. More specifically, the needle. It took Hawks a second to realise why.

"...You dont like needles?"

A teen shook his head. That's all Hawks needs. He sits quietly, thinking. How was Hawks supposed to do this? Tokoyami starts opening his beak, but immediately makes a noise of pain and closes it. Dark Shadow doesnt translate.

Tokoyami tried again, slower and much more muffled than usual. "You... dont have to worry... I can—" He cuts himself off with a wince of pain, hand flying up to his beak again. Hawks takes his hand away, gripping tight. "Its okay, dont push yourself."

Hawks looks around for a distraction. If he can manage to get Tokoyami's mind off of the needle situation, Hawks might be able to inject him without a problem. He's used those drugs on his sidekicks and himself before, and they work fast, and are completely safe, a bonus. Plus, considering how small his intern is, Tokoyami should be put straight out, the stuff is strong.

Hawks's eyes land on the T.V. and he grins. He turns it on and flicks through the channels. Someone catches his attention. "Hey, isnt that Eraserhead?" He stops on a talk show. There, in all his glory, is the class 1A homeroom teacher. "He doesn't look very happy." Hawks laughs. Tokoyami is staring, seemingly occupied.

Hawks let's him watch for a little longer, setting up the needle. Dark Shadow noticed, but said nothing and continued to watch. Eventually, Hawks finally deemed Tokoyami distracted enough and quickly injected the needle into his interns arm. Tokoyami visible jolted, but the drugs worked fast and Tokoyami fell quiet, and slumped against the couch after a minute.

Hawks sighed. "Sorry kid..." Hawks turned him over, and got to work quietly. Tokoyami's beak was fragile, so Hawks had to work gently. He wiped a considerable amount of blood away and saw it. He wasnt surprised that it hurt. There was a large gash sliced over the right side of his kids beak. It was a messy cut, so obviously Tokoyami had either been moving or the person had shaky hands. Or both.

Either way, Hawks wasnt letting them away with this. He was gonna hunt the fucker down himself if that's what it took. He cleaned it up and was going to bandage it when Tokoyami's hand shot out and gripped Hawks's arm tight. Tokoyami's eyes were barely open and it looked like he was completely out of it.

Hawks chucked. "Alright bud, go back to sleep—" Tokoyami cut him off. "Hawkszzzz. There'sss dis guy. Dis guy and he keepssssss..." he trailed off, mumbling nonsense. Hawks stopped. A guy? He must really be out of it. Tokoyami continued. "He keepsss followin' me! Amd I dont know why... hess freaky dough. I domf like it."

Well, now Hawks was concerned. Before he could ask any questions, Tokoyami had gone slack again, his breathing evened out. Hawks didnt think much of it, and just bandaged him up. Hawks sat back with a sigh, looking at his work. Tokoyami was oddly calm, Dark Shadow no where in sight.

Hawks turned off the T.V and got up. He'd have to call Eraserhead once he was finished up with his interview, and judging by the yelling he heard, it wasnt going very well. Hawks looked down at the sleeping teen. He couldn't leave him on the couch, but he didnt want to risk injuring him further by moving him and fucking dropping him, which, knowing Hawks's luck, was a very real possibility.

Hawks decided it would be safer to just grab a blanket and wrap his intern in it. At least he'd be comfy, right? Hawks grabbed the fluffy one he'd seen the kid eye after a rough patrol. Hawks manoeuvred the kid and wrapped him into a mini burrito. Hawks smiled and decided fuck it, the kid was up, might as well move him. He carefully walked down the hall towards the elevator.

He asked himself where he would put the kid. The simple answer was to put him in Hawks's room, but his office was all the way down at the bottom floor. Would Tokoyami be able to handle the elevator if the drugs are still in his system when he woke up? Hawks sighed and brought the paperwork with him, playing the safe game.

Hawks sets his kid in his bed, and does the rest of his work quietly, feathers keeping a close watch on his kid as he sleeps without a problem. Hawks finishes his work and sits back, eyes closing. He drifts off, his feathers still active.

The next morning, his feathers woke him. Tokoyami is moving. Hawks groans and stands up, stretching and walking to his room. Tokoyami is sitting up, hands touching his beak with obvious confusion.

Hawks laughs and pushes his intern back down on the bed. "Go back to sleep, baby bird. It's still early." Tokoyami nods and curls up, still feeling exhausted. Hawks sits himself on the edge of the bed, watching his intern as his chest rises and falls. Hawks gets bored after a while, leaving as his phone buzzes.

Erasurehead? This should be fun. Hawks leaves and puts it on speaker. The angered shout that greets him tells Hawks everything.

"Hawks! You are aware of what a curfew is, correct?" Aziawa yells. He's in class as they speak. The rest of the class is confused. Bakugo rolls his eyes and Mina pokes at Asui and whispers something.

Aziawa continues without a pause. "Because I know damn well that Tokoyami wouldn't break curfew, so where is he? I swear if you tell me he's in hospital again." At this Hawks winced as the class perks up on the other end of the line. "Again?" Midoryia turns to Todoroki, who shrugs.

Hawks laughs. "Well, you'll be glad to know we didnt have to bring him this time, but—" Aziawa cuts him off. "Then why isn't he in class?!" Hawks sighs. "Some guy jumped him on his way to the train station, okay? They hit him hard, too."

The class grows nervous as Aziawa stays silent. Whatever Hawks had said must have either shocked him or caught him off guard. "Are you serious? Why—?" Hawks answers with a shrug. "Dark Shadow said something about animal-based quirks."

"Really? Just because of his appearance—" the class falls quiet again. Kirishima shakes Denki's shoulder. "They cant attack someone like that, right? Just because of his face?" Kirishima whispers, and Denki shrugs. Shouji's fists clench. He's delt with more than enough of those types of people in his life. Iida was chopping angrily, and Bakugo looked pissed.

Aziawa is still ranting. He's gotten so angry he couldn't hold his phone, in fear of breaking it. So it went on speaker as he went on a tangent. Hawks finds a good place to cut in. His voice rings loudly in the class.

"Hey, I'm just as angry at you. But the kid is trying to sleep. Maybe keep it down?" Hawks chuckles darkly. "Not like he'll be able to voice his complaints, though."

Aziawa immediately regrets it, but he asks why. "The motherfucker slashed his beak. It'll probably scar, it was deep." Hawks peeked into the room. Tokoyami was still asleep, turned away from the door. Hawks closed the door softly and tuned back into the conversation. Aziawa was yelling. There were other voices yelling, as well.

Aziawa's voice rang clear. "Sorry, Hawks. Gonna have to cut this short. Bring him back around when he wakes up, Recovery Girl will help him. Bakugo! Dont you dare—! Fuck!" The line went dead.

Hawks laughed. Looks like the class knew. He turned to go down the hallway, but stopped when something pulled at his jacket. He turned to see Tokoyami standing, albeit wobbly. The blanket Hawks had wrapped around him hung on his shoulders, and Tokoyami's body disappeared under it.

Hawks smiled softly. "Hey there, baby bird. What's going on?" Hawks moved to support him as the teen almost went down. Slowly, they moved to the kitchen. With Dark Shadow's help, Tokoyami sat on the counter, still wrapped in the blanket. Dark Shadow faced Hawks. "He's wondering how to eat. We're hungry."

Hawks blinked. "I hadn't thought about that...." He trailed off. "We'll ask Recovery Girl when we see her. You wanna go now or do you wanna wait?" Tokoyami shrugged. Hawks shook his head. "Well, let's re-bandage your beak first, then we'll go, sound good?"

Tokoyami nodded and moved to stand. It took a minute, but they got there. Hawks took off the bandages. The wound looked as ugly as ever. "Hey, what did the guy look like?" Tokoyami thought about it. He turned towards the T.V and his face dropped. He pointed at the screen.

Hawks looked. Someone had been murdered late last night. Ouch, it looked brutal. There was something familiar about the wounds though...

"That looks like..." Hawks stared at the wound he was cleaning. "Oh. Holy shit." Hawks snapped his head up, looking for confirmation. Tokoyami nodded, a little too hard, and hissed in pain. Hawks steadied him. "Wait. If the wound is so similar, then..." He turned the volume up.

"The only suspects we have at the moment are the league of villains, and that's because of the dust left behind. Also scorch marks left on the victim's back..."

Hawks's phone lit up as a message came through. He checked it. It was from an unknown number, which meant it was from Dabi.

"You're welcome." Was all it said.

Hawks typed out his reply. He asked why the fuck he would do something like that. Dabi responded with: 'Dude was on our hit list anyways. He should learn to think twice before slicing a league member so close to Shigaraki.'

This left Hawks confused. Dark Shadow said that the guy didnt like people with animal-based quirks, so it would have to be their driver, but the last part....

Oh well. He's dead now. That's all that matters.

He took Tokoyami to Recovery Girl, and she did all she could. Within a week it had scarred, much to Tokoyami's annoyance. He could talk properly, which was okay. Before he got used to it though, he had a lisp. Hawks thought it was adorable. A lisp plus head tilts?? Hawks's intern was the cutest, no doubt.

Hawks grinned as Tokoyami waved goodbye two weeks later. "Make sure you get home this time, okay?" Tokoyami sighed and flipped Hawks off, being the last person to leave.

Hawks laughed. Hopefully this time there would be no unexpected attacks on his intern. Hawks walked to his office and stared at the pile of paperwork left unfinished.

"Son of a bitch—"

This ended on a funny note, though I wanted to make a point on quirk discrimination. With everything that's happening in America right now, its important to say

Black lives matter. They have mattered all along, and they will always matter.

But I do hope you enjoyed! If you wanna see anything else, just ask! I'm always open to suggestions :D

[bunnyramen]

It started with Hagakure, the first somewhat bravely approaching Kirishima and giving him a pair of her hero gloves to wear for whatever reason.

“Wow, thanks Hagakure! I can use these for when i have to work with Hatsume!” He put them on and wiggles his fingers around in them, turning his hand over to gaze at them.

“It’s no problem, Kirishima!” Hagakure blushed a bit, not thinking her plan would work.

The reason she gave him those because she wanted to see him in her hero merch. She had recently gotten a bunch a pairs back since there were always left overs from random cons and such.

It wasn’t odd to see a couple of classmates carrying large boxes back into their room, most likely full of their own merch.

She was surprised she was the first to do it, Kirishima would be the perfect person to showcase that she was the next top hero.

Or at least top 5.

“Well, see you later!” She walked away quickly, Kirishima looking a bit confused cause he figured they would talk a bit more but shrugged it off.

“Bye!” Kirishima waved with the gloves still on, Hagakure barely catching it when she looked back, a grin gracing her invisible face.

——

“Excuse me, Kirishima?” Ochako tapped the taller on the shoulder as they were in the lunch line.

“Hey Ochako! Didn’t see you there! What’s up?” He smiled, his dimples taking over his cheeks that made her heart scream a bit.

“I got some hero merch in the mail and decided to give you these earrings since I know you’re adding to your collection.” Kirishima scooted up in line to make sure he didn’t hold up the long line, Ochako scooting up behind him.

She reached into her jacket pocket and produced a pair of medium sized golden hoops. There were little charms that represented the 8 planets that clacked when you shook them.

Kirishima gasped, “These are so boss!! Thanks so much, ‘chako!” He slipped the first pair earrings that were in his ear off and put in the new ones, absolutely beaming with delight.

“Plus they glow in the dark!”

Kirishima scooted up causing Ochako to scoot up again, then captured her in a hug. Her arms wrapped around his waist and squeezed tight, unexpectedly taking in the scent of cherries and fresh grass.

“These are like the best earrings I have by far!” He smiled again, tilting his head from side to side, making the charms click against each other.

Ochako blinked a few times before putting on a bright smile of her own, the prospect of her merch earrings being the best made her feel warmness in her heart.

——

“Happy great friends day!” Kaminari produced a present suddenly, startling Kirishima who was playing his Ds.

Kirishima has been in the common room on the couch, others were either sitting at the table or on the floor.

“There’s a great friends day?” Kirishima paused his game and sat up on the couch, putting it down on a cushion and turning towards Kaminari.

“Of course it’s not a day that I made up!” He plopped the wrapped gift in Kirishima’s lap, thankful that it was soft.

“I wish I would’ve known! If we’re exchanging gifts, I’d have gotten you one, too.” Kirishima started tearing the packaging and putting the pieces on the cushion to pick up later.

“That’s alright, dude. You don’t need to get me a thing!” Kaminari watched intently as the boy and unfolded the sweatshirt, the clothing being covered in lightning bolts and his hero name in cursive neon yellow letters across the front.

“This is so gnarly! I’m touched!” He hugged the sweater close to his chest, making Kaminari blush.

“Ah, it was nothing really! You just seem to prefer hoodies to shirts anyways.” Kaminari really wanted to be cocky but he couldn’t help but to be humble to Kirishima.

The redhead started to put it over his head but when it came to pulling it down over his stomach, it only got half way down.

“How is it too small? Cant you fit a medium?” Kaminari seemed confused, he could’ve sworn that this was his size.

“No but it’s fine! ‘Sides crop top sweaters are in according to Aoyama’s blog.” Kirishima sucked his arms back into the hoodie and also through the arms of his shirt.

It took a bit of time but after a minute, Kirishima pulled off his shirt, showing off a midsection marked with abs, scars, and plenty of stretch marks.

Kaminari almost covered his eyes but didn’t since he would miss the sight in front of him.

“Well, I’m gonna go to my room and draw or something, thank you for the gift!” Kirishima said a bit hurried as he made his way to the elevator.

“Denks..” Jirou called his attention, said boy turning towards the purple headed girl sitting at the community table with a raised eyebrow.

“That was probably one of the smartest things you’ve ever done..” Jirou mumbled as she clinked the ends of her headphone jacks together, her face red as a ripe strawberry.

Kaminari smiled cockily, “Yeah, I know.” With the amount of shirts Kirishima wore on a daily basis, that hoodie was going to be on display for a good, long while.

——-

“Shit!” Kirishima has his mask in his hands, though it was split in two now.

“What happened, dude?” Kaminari asked as he slipped on one of his boots and laced it up.

“My mask broke in half.” He tossed the two pieces in the trash and started taking off his shirt.

“You dont have a replacement, Kirishima-kun?” Iida slipped on his shin guards and turned towards Kirishima, a calculating arch in his arrowhead brow.

“I don’t! I should probably build new one, Iida-Senpai.” Kirishima pulled out a piece of paper, showing him the blue prints for a new design for a mask on it.

Iida flushed a bit, which was very uncharacteristic for the normally in control president.

(Momo made a joke that it was respectful to call your class reps senpai since they were technically the upperclassmen of the class. Kirishima, not wanting to be impolite, took it seriously)

“This is such a carefully calculated design, I’m extremely impressed.” Iida looked it over and handed it back to the redhead, a rare smile on his face as he pushed up his glasses.

“Thanks! I was thinking about adding goggles to it since I have nothing protecting my eye.” Kirishima took of his pants and slipped on his hero pants and his new metal belt.

“Well, I suppose since you don’t have your mask, you can use these for the time being.” Iida fished a visor-like pair of glasses from his locker, handing them to Kirishima who had finished buckling his shoes.

“Seriously? Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to break them-“

“I assure you Kirishima-kun, it’s quite alright. There an old prototype for my hero costume that didn’t quite fit with the design of my suit. You may keep them.” He handed them to Kirishima as he put both his palms out to take it.

“Thanks so much, Iida-senpai! I really appreciate this!” Kirishima put them on and made a small marveled sound.

“You’re very welcome. Now I must finish getting ready for hero training, I’ll see you out there.” Iida bowed a bit, as did Kirishima with a big smile on his face.

“I’ll see you out there, class rep!” He waved happily as the heavy footfalls of his boots got quieter as he left.

As soon as the boy was gone, Iida had a light smile, almost a smirk on his face.

He normally wasn’t competitive but in this case, he had this one in the bag.

——

Bonus:

“Woah, where’d you get those?” Kaminari pointed at his glasses.

“Iida! He let me have them since I need eye protection!”

“If I would’ve known that, I would’ve given you my old spare!” Kaminari harrumphed.

——-

“Kirishima?” Midoriya knocked politely on the redhead’s door, keeping the item he was holding flush to his side.

I’m no time, Kirishima’s door opened revealing the taller boy, his hair up in a ponytail that swished when he moved his head.

In the front of his hair was a couple dark shadow shaped clips and the boy seems to be wearing a dark cloak.

“Yo Midoriya! What’s up?” He smiled wide, his dimples on display.

“Oh, I heard-uhm that you needed something cool to wear to the sleep over tonight and brought you this.” He grabbed the item from

his hip and unfolded it to show Kirishima.

It was a onesie version of Midoriya’s hero outfit and had a pair of long green ears on the hood.

Kirishima only stared at it, making Midoriya a bit nervous that maybe it wasn’t cool or manly in this case.

“I know I may not be the coolest looking hero..” Midoriya started, looking down a bit in embarrassment.

“Well that’s bullshit!” Kirishima cursed, Midoriya looks back up to see a determined look to his face, eyes shining like rubies with emotion.

“I would be honored to wear this cool ass onesie!” Kirishima put up a finger to signal he needed a moment and closed the door.

In no time, he popped back up in the door way, looking way too adorable in the Deku sleepwear.

It was a bit tight looking but it was never in Deku’s DNA to complain about trivial things.

“What do you think? Am I not the coolest number one hero around?” He put the hood up , displaying the large ears that stood straight up on his head.

“Number one?” Midoriya’s face turned a light pink at implication

“Fuck yeah, dude! And when you’re on that podium and people are cheering you on like-“ He put his hands up to his mouth and cheered quietly “oh my god, we love you so much Deku! You’re so awesome and smart!” He put a hand on Midoriya’s shoulder, “Just know I’ll be in that crowd, and I’ll drag Bakugou’s ass in that crowd too. Ok?” His bright, toothy smile made Midoriya’s heart beat just a little too fast to be normal.

“Ok.” Midoriya smiled back, braces and all.

——-

“Hey Kirishima! You want some of my merch-“ Mineta asked but was cut off when Kirishima suddenly turned around.

“Ew, Fuck No.” Kirishima said as he walked towards his friend group and away from the short grape.

Mina cackled her ass off as Bakugou nodded in approval.

——-

Aoyama gives Kirishima pair of sunglasses designed to look like their hero one because they wouldn’t want Kirishima to be blinded by their sparkle.

Kirishima smiles brightly and Aoyama takes the sunglasses back and puts them on themself, saying that they need it more than he does.

—

Bakugou throws a shirt that looks like a skull shirt but it’s made from the word fuck you, Kirishima wears it proudly.

In reality, it’s his own shirt that he wanted Kirishima to have without the redhead getting suspicious.

—-

Jirou gives him a Deep Dope brand speaker and they end up dancing around crazily to some music playing from his phone.

—-

Todoroki got him a simple half red and half white heeadband, something that Kirishima wears constantly.

——

Sero gave him a charm bracelet with a tape dispenser on it that Kirishima also never takes off.

——-

Someone asks what Kirishima does with all the merch the class keeps giving him.

He has special cork board on his wall and a special box for it all.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@deepseawave this is a small story dedicated to you! I hope you like it!!

[concentrateandpush]

Lauren had worked in the fast food restaurant for 4 years, her and Dan were studying the same degree. Sometimes Dan would come and eat before the end of shift so they could walk home together. She was the girl next door and they'd lived next to each other their whole lives.

They were best friends, always had been, but one night when the families had a barbeque, both Lauren and Dan had a little too much to drink and ended up sleeping together, nothing more was said and they kind of forgot about it, despite it being both of their first times.

It was getting late and Lauren was sweeping up and in scrolled Dan, he was wearing his typical attire, a check shirt, jeans and DMs. The shoes were something that him and Lauren shared a love of.

"Hey hey hey, could I get a cheese burger and fries with a coke please madam?" Dan asked hanging on to the bar weightlessly.

Lauren chuckled and replied with "Only if you'll walk me home" and with out hesitation, Dan bowed to imply yes.

Lauren had been getting so tired recently, her back was hurting and she constantly had headaches, she assumed this was because of college stresses. But today, she was feeling super crampy, she put it down to not having a period for so long as she had always suffered with irregularity.

"You dont look great Lau, are you ok?" Dan had picked up on her uncomfortable stature. "I guess, I think I just need a hot bath, not long anyway, 45 minutes left then I can leave" Lauren powered through until she went in to the kitchen and picked up a dust pan and brush. As she bent over she felt such a strong pain that she fell down on all fours "F*ck" she shouted, it was a pain she had never experienced before, like a cramp but with severe amounts of pressure.

Gordon, the chef, went over to Lauren and asked if she needed help, by which point Lauren was embarrassed and ran to the bathroom. She slammed door behind her and sat on the toilet seat looking at the mirror to pep talk herself.

"Hoo, okay, not long left then you can get out of here, get some pain killers, have a bath and chill out, you'll be fine, stop thinking about it and it'll go away it's just a period pain, it's been months, it'll all be ok" as she said the last word the pain came back, but somehow even stronger. "Ahh, shh, hoo hoo hoo" she couldnt understand what was happening but heard the bell go off for service, gathering herself and breathing through the pain, she ran out and grabbed Dan's meal and took it to his table.

"What's going on with you? You're sweating, you really dont look well, are you ok?" Dan knows Lauren so well, he can tell something isnt right. "Honest, I'm fine, girl troubles I think" Lauren laughs nervously and runs back to the bathroom to look at her period app. The app she uses tracks periods, ovulation and sex, so when she had sex with Dan it's logged in her diary.

She slept with him in January, her last period was two weeks before, that was 9 months ago. "No, no, no, f*ck" with the realisation of what's going on dawning on her. She locks herself in a cubicle and takes her fingers to her self and touches the area, inserting her fingers slowly to see if she feels anything, she questions whether or not she would be able to feel anything, would it be too early? She feels around forcing her fingers as high up as she can and she touches something, as she touches it, a load of water floods out of her.

"Oh f*ck, I need help, I need to call someone, stay calm, I'm so stupid, oh my god it hurts so bad" panting and crying, she gets her phone out and calls her best friend Sally, she always picks up first time, breathing as rhythmically as she can so when Sally picks up she can talk

"What up gurl" Sally answers.

"Ok I need you to not freak out" Lauren warns Sally.

"What's going on? Where are you?" Sally demands.

"Okay, I need you to listen. About 9 months ago, we had a barbeque and Dan came over, I may have had a few too many drinks and we kind of.."

Sally interrupts Lauren "Girl, tell me you didnt have sex with Dan?! Are you kidding me?"

"Yes, we had sex, but this is serious, how soon can you get to the diner?" Lauren asks.

"If it happened 9 months ago why.. is this a prank? Holy shit Lauren, are you having a baby?" Sally says, putting 2 and 2 together.

"Listen to me, come in through the back door, DO NOT speak to Dan if you bump into him, come straight to the bathroom, I'm in here and I need help, DO NOT bring anyone and do not tell mom or any of my brothers"

Sally doesnt even answer and hangs up, Lauren knows she is on her way. Breathing through the contractions, Lauren has so many things on her mind, where is the baby going to sleep? Should she call Dan in? Does she even want a baby? She rubs her underbelly and realises how much weight she had put on, having always been plus size, she never noticed any difference as her clothes were so baggy.

Ten minutes pass, the door slams open and she hears Sally "Lauren?" She slams every cubicle open and Lauren pushes her door wide. Shes sat on the toilet seat and her legs are wide open, she's in the disabled cubicle so there's loads of room for Sally to get in.

"How long have you known?" Sally asks, offended that he didnt tell her.

"I didnt, I had no idea until the water came out, I haven't even done a test, Sal please help, I can feel something up there, will you look? Is that awkward? F*ck here it comes again"

"Right, Lauren look at me, you can do this, yes it's scary, but I'm here and I'm not leaving. Open your legs up, breathe through the pain and let's see what's going on yeah?"

Sally takes her eyes of Lauren's sweaty, red face and looks between her legs, "oh my god Lauren, I can see the head, the head is coming out, have you been pushing?". "No, hooo hooo, I didnt know if I should, how far out is the head?" Lauren asks as she reaches down and feels the head poking out, "Sally, go and get Dan, I think he needs to be here" Lauren orders.

Sally gets up and goes to the door until Lauren shouts "Wait, please dont go, I need you here, ahh, I dont think I can do this, I dont think I can get it out" she's overwhelmed and frustrated. "Of course you can, you can do anything, here let's get you on the floor, I'll put down my coat, sit on this, get comfortable".

Lauren is half sat up and half lying down with her hands supporting her weight. "I think I should stand up" she says frustratedly. "Okay, maybe try squatting?" Sally suggests. Neither of these girls have even seen someone give birth let alone given birth themselves. "I need to scream, but I dont want anyone to hear, I need Dan".

Lauren starts actively trying to push out the baby, panting through the pain panting, pushing, panting and pushing until she feels the ring of fire. "Sally, rub it, It hurts to bad, rub the sides, please please. Hoo hoo hoo hoo, am I stretched out fully? Ahhhh nghh". "Stay calm, the heads nearly all out, you're doing so well, I'm rubbing around the head, does this help?" Lauren starts to run her fingers around the head with Sally. "I need to push more, nghhhh, hoo, ahhh AHHHH" pushing as hard as her body will let her, gritting her teeth, the whole head is out.

"Lau? Are you in here" Dan shouts from the outside of the door.

"Dan?! Come here, come in the bathroom, please, ahhhh, DAN" Lauren shouts, needing his support, begging for his help.

Dan comes in the bathroom and opens the door to the disabled cubicle to see Lauren, legs spread and his childs head hanging out of her. Lauren is surprised that he smiled excitedly firstly, then he kneels down and holds her hand "Is it mine?" He asks. "Yeah, it's yours" she smiles. "You should have told me, I would have helped you" he says with a frown on his face. "I didnt know, I had no idea, I.. ngh, ahh". "Come on, let's get this baby out" Dan orders.

"Come on, push as hard as you can, like you're going to the bathroom, come on, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. That's so good Lau, now try holding for 10" Dan guides her.

"How do you know that?" Sally asks, curiously.

"I helped my sister give birth to my nieces, the ambulance didnt come fast enough" Dan answers.

"Come on, push down here" Dan puts his finger where Lauren can push, "Let's do this, pushing after 3 for 10 seconds, come on".

"Ooooooooooooooooooo" Lauren is in the zone and is pushing, shes almost singing with the sounds she's making. "Well done, you're getting there, the shoulders are the hardest part, just concentrate and push, okay?"

Lauren nods and pushes down as hard as she can "nggggghhhh, get an ambulance, it's coming out" Sally runs out and tells the chef to call for an ambulance and runs back in as fast as she can "Mmmfffff, shit, whoooooo, AH shit". "You're doing so good, you're beautiful doing this, you got the shoulders out, let's just push now and it should just slide out".

With one last push the baby is out and Lauren and Dan are parents.

[puffmamaa]

Rated E for Extra Petty.

Hey y’all! Here’s a random, little one-shot loosely based on this meme I saw a while back. Everytime I listen to Fantasia, it’s all I can think about lol.

Pairing: Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens x Black, Dark-Skin, Plus Size Reader. (Always💛)

Summary: No amount of 2K or Anime is a match for you when you’re on your bullshit.

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Cussing. Use of N-word. Corny jokes. Reader being a major brat. Mention of smut. Erik being...a nigga lmao.

A/N: Song is “Free Yourself” by Fantasia, just in case someone doesn’t know it.

Also, I love me some Tasia so any shade towards her singing is all in jest. 😉

——

“IF YOU DON’T WANT ME, THEN DON’T TALK TO MEEE...”

Erik paused the TV and placed his elbows on his knees. His right leg bounced up and down aggressively. Sighing loudly, he threw down his PS4 controller and laid all the way back on the bed. You’d been blasting that same song for the last 20 minutes. Erik tried to tune it out but between Fantasia’s loud ass crooning and your off-key screeching, he couldn’t take it. He let out another breath as you continued to scream out ad-libs about how ain’t shit he was.

Let you tell it, this moment of supreme pettiness is what Erik deserved. You had come home late from work, tired and worn out from being around d’wights all day. All you wanted to do was curl up with your boyfriend and watch Love & Basketball. But Erik was in the middle of a game of NBA 2K19 and didn’t want to stop for your impromptu movie night.

EARLIER...

“What you mean not right now?” You asked with an attitude. You had changed out of your work clothes and into a black crop top t-shirt and black fitted shorts. Your big, kinky hair was pulled into a high puff.

“Baby, I’m trying to finish this game. We can watch the movie afterwards. Aight?”

“But I want to watch it now.”

“Well, I’m busy right now. Just watch it without me, if you can’t wait.”

“But we always watch Love & Basketball together, you whined as you poked your bottom lip out. “You don’t wanna hang out with me?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

You sauntered over to him and sat on his lap, straddling his legs. You wrapped your arms around his neck and gently played with the tail of his black du-rag.

“Then why not now?” You cooed into his ear.

Erik groaned lightly as you ran your nails against the back of his neck. “Look, I’ll only be like an hour. I’m sure you can find a way to entertain yourself until I’m done.”

You squinted your eyes at him. Usually, you had Erik wrapped around your finger. Your whine alone would have him rubbing on your booty all night. And a whole lot more. But this time, he wasn’t letting up. Your pout quickly turned into a frown. You hopped out of his lap and stood in front of the TV.

“So this dumb ass game is more important than me?”

“Y/N.“

“Nah, that’s basically what your saying. You rather play this shit than be with me. I can read between the lines, Erik.”

“Girl, you trippin’ right now. Chill out.”

“Fuck chill! All the times I’ve sat up and watched those stupid ass anime shows with you?

“Stupid?” He stood up, cocking his neck back in offense. His gray sweats hung low on his hips. “I thought you said you were starting to like anime.”

“I don’t even understand that shit! I watch it because its something you like to do. But, do you return the favor? Nooo. You rather sit in front of this fucking TV and play some wack ass game made for 14 year olds! Witcho cornball ass!”

Erik’s eyes bulged. He clenched his jaw and moved towards you.

“Watch ya mouth, princess. I don’t know who you think you talking to but I’m not sum nigga in the street. You need—“

“I need to what, Erik?” You cut him off, placing your hands on you hips and moving closer to him. His large frame towered over yours but you still managed to look him right in the eye.

“You know, maybe I should get me one of those other niggas. I’m sure they would love to do much more than watch a movie with me.”

Erik’s eye twitched. You knew the thought of you entertaining some one else would get under his skin.

“You better calm all that down before we have a fucking problem,” he lowered his face to yours. “I mean that shit.”

“Then turn the game off,” you whined again, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Hell no.” Erik mirrored your actions. Normally, he’d let you have your way by now, but you were being more of a brat than usually. Plus, you had disrespected his favorite genre and game. No fucks were given on his end at this point.

The two of you glared at each other for a minute.

Erik huffed and rolled his eyes, “I’m not finna do this with your bratty ass. Take that bullshit somewhere else, bruh.”

He sat down on the bed and grabbed his controller, starting his game back up.

You stood there, burning a hole in the side of his head as he continued to play like you weren’t in the room.

“Ok,” you hissed, “OH-Kay.”

You stomped out, slamming the bedroom door on purpose.

—

Erik heard the song start over again.

“If your unhappy then your free to go onnn. Cause I don’t want you stayin’ arounndd, if I make you so miseraablee,” you and Fantasia sang brashly.

“IF YOU DON’T WANT ME THEN DON’T TALK TO MEE,”

“That’s FUCKING it.” He said as he shot up from the bed.

He swung open the bedroom door and stomped down the hall.

“I swear to GOD...” he murmured to himself as he made his way to the living room.

You were sprawled out on the couch, one leg thrown over the back while you leaned your head on the arm and sang. An open bottle of wine and half filled wine glass sat on the coffee table. You eyes drifted to Erik as he barged into the room. He was silently fuming; his naked, scarred chest heaving in and out. You gave him a dry look and grabbed your glass, taking a long sip.

“This love thing is fuull of scandaaaals, so you’re WELCOME TO WAALK.”

“Yo. Kill all this fucking noise, ma.” Erik said, pulling on his sweats.

You gave a him a stank once over, rolled your eyes, and kept singing.

“If you don’t WANT me, then dont TALK to me.”

“I’m serious, Y/N. You being mad childish right now.”

You turned the volume up on your speaker.

“Then GO ahead AND free yourSEELF.”

Erik clenched his jaw, “All this over a damn movie?”

You glared at him and walked towards the kitchen. He was right behind you, huffing and puffing the whole way. You opened the pantry and grabbed a big bag of kettle popcorn. You strolled over to the kitchen island and sat down on one of the stools.

“Look, stop all this and I’ll watch the stupid movie with you.”

“Time and time again, I tried it over and over,” you sang between bites. “But the love I had inside, has died.”

“Come on now, this shit is ridiculous,” he moved to your side of the island and sat down, trying to grab at you. You pulled back and perched yourself up on your knees to sit over him.

“Go. Ahead. To. Someone. Else.” You chanted, tapping your index finger into his forehead with every word.

Erik grabbed your wrist, getting more agitated with you, “I’m warning you, Y/N. You better stop.”

You kissed your teeth and snatched your hand back. With all the dramatic energy you could muster, you threw your head back and your arms out, bellowing out with the screaming songstress.

“IF YOOUU DON’T WAANNT MEEE THEN DON’T TAALK TO MEEE. GOOO AHEAAD AND FREEEE YOURSEEELFFF!”

Erik winced at your screaching. You threw your hand up at him and shook your head side to side.

“I had to take it there, I had take it there. Cause I’m TIRED.“

He flared his nostrils at you. That right leg started bouncing again.

“IF YOU DON’T WANT ME, THEN DON’T TAALK TO M—.”

“Goddamnit, Y/N!” Erik yelled. He quickly scooped you up and walked you over to the couch. You yelped as he plopped both your bodies down and leaned over you, a scowl on his face.

You blinked up at him innocently. His eyes scanned over your chubby, brown face. He sighed, still sneering a little.

“Why do I even put up with your ass?”

Fantasia continued to croon in the background as you stared back at him, batting your eyelashes.

“Cause you love me...” You said with a shy smile.

Erik let out a soft chuckle and dropped his head. He was lowkey happy to hear you say something besides those damn song lyrics. Reaching around you, he turned the speaker off.

He shifted both of your bodies sideways and laid behind you. He snuggled his head in your neck, causing you to whimper a little.

“Cue the damn movie,” Erik said, wrapping an arm around your waist.

You giggled, grabbing the remote off the table and turning on the TV. The opening scene of Love & Basketball faded onto the screen. You moved your head to face his and smiled, running your nails through his beard.

“You are something the fuck else, I swear.” He mumbled as he peppered kisses up your neck and along your face. He captured your lips into a full kiss as he pressed himself against your backside. “Spoiled ass.”

“E...” you moaned, pushing back against him.

Erik pulled back and sent a hard smack to your ass, causing you to squeal.

“I’ma watch this shit with you now but I got something for that ass later on,” he said with a smirk while he rubbed the sting away. “You ain’t really start singing yet.”

“The neighbors gon learn my name today or whatever Trey Songz said.”

——

Alright, I hope y’all got a good little chuckle out of this.

Let me know what ya think! 😁

[lastoneout]

Yall ever think about how most negative stereotypes about women are either men projecting or are just by-products of the patriarchy?

I mean how many men have complained that women take forever to shop for clothes, which is true, but they never consider how men's clothes are all simple and the sizes are all based on numbered measurements so it's easy to find something that fits right away, when all brands size womens clothes differently so a size 12 might be petite at Old Navy and XL at Walmart. So we take longer to shop becuase we have to actually take 17 pairs of pants back to the changing room to find one that maybe fits, while men dont have the same problem. (As well as the fact that most men's clothes are plain and simple with very few design flourishes while womes clothes are covered with unnecessary jewels and embroidery and holes and fake pockets. I love plain clothes and shopping is a nightmare. It took me a lot of looking in Ross to find a PLAIN pair of women's jeans.)

Or talking to much and being over emotional? Both things that are much more prevalent in men but labeled as girl things. Studies have shown that men talk way more than women in any given group, and women have a remarkable amount of control over their emotions while men will lose their shit at the drop of a hat.

Liking makeup? Well if we didnt have to fear getting turned down for jobs and having to deal with dress codes that require it maybe more women would feel comfortable without wearing it. If you are forced to do something it's not unreasonable to try to make it fun so it seems like less of a chore. As well as the fact that most men have a laundry list of stuff the want women to look like, shaved everywhere, nails done, makeup, nice hair, perfume, never farting or pooping or sweating, no wonder we are so obsessed with our appearances we've been convinced it's the only way anyone will like us. It takes a lot of time to look like that, so if we take extra time to get ready or shower or take time to head to the spa thats why.

Plus most above minimum wage jobs require shoes that are expensive and uncomfortable for women. There arent flats or heels that exist that are good for your feet. Plus those kinds of shoes get worn out real quick, so you have to shop for more constantly.

And bags? Women have to carry around so many fucking things. Not just a wallet and keys, we need backup pads and makeup for our shitty jobs, as well as body spray and hair pins, try fitting all of that in your pockets when they are a third the size of a man's.

And taking too long in the bathroom or going in groups? Cis women have to take their pants and underwear off to just pee and often times they have to take the kids with them, and as for the group thing? If we didnt have to worry about creeps and rapists maybe we would feel better going alone. As well as the fact that should a girl's boyfriend or husband be abusive the bathroom might be the only place e she can safely talk to her friends about it. I mean I've legit hid in the bathroom from creeps. The bathroom is the only place women can get away from men, go figure that we spend a long time in there.

Like women get backed into a corner and forced into doing a lot of stuff and then men still act like we do a bunch of shit we dont do and make fun of us for it. It's so fucked and I'm so sick of men playing the crazy stuff women do card when they are the reason we have to do any of it.

(TERFs, SWERFs, and RadFems dont interact unless it's to block me this post isnt for you)

Edit: It occurs to me that most trans women probably also sit in the bathroom since I know my bf does and standing would be a quick way to get targeted by transphobic jackasses so yeah having to take all of your pants off just to pee takes time and we shouldn’t be judged for it. No one should be judged by how long the take in the bathroom and it’s so dumb that it’s a joke that women are always in there forever. 

[el-dibidibidorado1]

Untamed Pt.7

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x plus size MASTERLIST

A/n: sorry for the late update! I hope you guys had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

"Y/N?!"

Noooooo it's my day off! Pulling the blankets over my head and rolled over.

"Y/N?!" Noooooooo.

"Y/N!" Angrily I sit up and bring the blanket down. My eyes open and....... What the fuck? There is a Christmas tree in the middle of my room?! Oh my god there is a real pine tree in the middle of my room!

Slowly, I crawl out of my bed and sit In front of the tree. The smell filled my nose heavenly and the ornaments.......looked familiar. Except for this one, a turtle dove? My fingers softly touch the dove. Who put this here? All of this.

"Y/N" Mom and Ed open my door with scared and angry expressions.

"Someone broke i-" mom looked at the Christmas tree and looked back at me then back at the tree.

"Ta-ta da" I nervously say and extend my arms out.

"I don't know if I should ask how this got here?" Ed pointed at the tree.

"Good. Cause I don't know how either" they both came in and sat next to me looking at the tree. It's beautiful. Whoever placed it here is amazing. Creepy, but amazing.

"It smells amazing" all of us take a deep breath, taking in the wonderful smell. Who knows how long we sat there just looking at the tree.

"Who wants pancakes?" I asked.

"Me" Mom said touching the turtle dove

"This is new" I nod my head and take it down.

"Usually there is two. One for a friend and one to keep, but here we have one."

"Should we freak out about all of this?" Ed questioned. I feel like if I should, but I don't. Why? Why can't I freak out about this?

"Oooh these are nice!" I look at Ed playing with some sunglasses. The sunglasses! I forgot to give them to Bucky! Aw man!

"Take those off! They are a gift to someone!" I get up and take them off his huge head.

"WHO?" He asked childish, putting his hands to the side.

"Someone special" I place them in the desk.

"Well I'm going to make the pancakes, get ready we're going to grandma's" we all got up and went out separate ways. Getting my clothes ready I head to the shower. The marks are gone but now there is a scar left behind, make up will do.

With no care I put my music on and get in the shower. I have gone back to showering once a one or twice times a day and it is fine, still feel dirty, but I can't let it get to me.

I let the music take over me and begin singing while washing my hair.

~send you my love on a wire~

~lift you up every time~

~everyone oooooooooo~

The thought of someone breaking in kinda scared me, and the thought of someone placing it in my room while I was sleeping made it worst. Holy shit! I mean the tree is beautiful, but who could have put it in there it's super heavy, and so quietly too. Rosie and Caroline know that I wanted a really tree for Christmas! Them bitches will give me socks or something they dont want. They are out.

A real Christmas tree is all I wanted! But who did I also mentioned that I wanted one. Then the realization hit me like a bowling ball hitting a pin.

"BUCKY!" I yell and open my eyes making soap get in. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck that stings. I hurry and get the soap off and finish my shower in a speedy.

Quickly I dry my body and comb my hair. I should have known from the beginning that it was him. My stomach began to get butterflies as I thought about Bucky bringing a pine tree into my house quietly. He gave me a real Christmas tree for Christmas!

"Mom! I need to go somewhere can I get the car?!" I yelled running down the stairs.

"Is 12:37 we need to be at grandmas at 2" she was still making pancakes.

"I'll be back super duper fast!" She gave me her serious look. Come on, please.

"Please I need to go" I gave her my best puppy eyes. Fall for them, fall for them! She threw me the keys, happily I gave her a kiss and ran out. As i raced to Bucky's place I began trying to wrap the sunglasses. That's it! Is that all I am going to really give him! NO! I need to buy him something else! Should I just wait? Or give him the sunglasses?

"Nope! I'm waiting!" Getting out of the car I slip on ice but manage to get a hold of the car door. Getting myself together I go and knock on his door.

Knock knock knock!

I wait for 10 minutes but he doesn't answer. Ugh he's not home! I hit my head against the door. After a couple of seconds I get in the car and head straight home. What did I expect? he has family, duh. Getting home I literally flop myself on the couch.

"Where were you?" Ed asked me.

"Hukmmmmmm" my face was squished against the pillow.

"Huh?"

"I know who gave meee the tree!!!!" Shouted into the pillow. He sat next to me and put a hand on my back.

"His name is Bucky Barnes." He just hummed.

"Ed say something?"

"What do I say?"

"I dont know?! Something?!"

"Is he different?" I nod

"Is he like the other guys?" I shake my head

"Have you....you know?" I shake my head again. I lift my head and look at the destroyed artificial tree. A little chuckle escaped me thinking about Bucky just trying to get all the ornaments.

"How did you guys meet?"

"Work" I sit up trying to fix my hair. He didn't ask anything else. We ate and went to grandma's. We did the same thing over and over again, eat dinner, sit In front of the t.v. or look at the stupid fake tree, then open presents and asking where my boyfriend is, then we eat more. Same. Shit. Over. And. Over. Again.

--------------

"Hey Bucko" Tony sat next to me while drinking his spiked eggnog.

"Hey" he gave me one and I gladly drank it. Alcohol didn't affect Steve or I. Super solder serum.

"Ready for presents?" I nod my head and look at the tree. Damn, Tony goes all out! The thing is almost touching the ceiling.

"You know I didn't buy anything for you guys......i thought I wasn't going to come."

"Hey. Your presence is better than anything" he puts his head on my shoulder and finishes his eggnog.

"Tony what are you doing?" Nat asked amused.

"Don't ruin the moment!" Tony yelled and began digging into his pocket.

"Here take a picture. And post it on my Twitter account. Saying something nice" he put his head back on my shoulder and his hand on my chest like a couple.

"Smile honey"

"No" i deadpan.

"Come On sweetheart" I try moving away but he pulls me back down.

"COME ON. LOVE MEEEEE" I manage to get up and Tony falls to the floor getting a hold of my leg.

"3......2......1!" Nat takes the picture. She showed us the picture cracking up.

"Ohh Oh this is perfect" Tony let's me go and grabs his phone and process to upload the picture.

"Come and open presents!" Steve yells. Once we where all in the room Sam had a Santa hat while giving out the presents. Everyone got a bunch of presents! I got one but it didn't matter I felt good. Bunch of clothes and video games where scattered across the room it was amazing! It felt like home, I just missed someone.

"I know......Buck" Steve caught my attention from Peter teaching me how to use my new phone.

"Hm?" Both Steve and Tony give me a heavy box.

"This is from all of us." Tony said with a huge smile on his face. I began ripping the paper. Man, I felt so excited! I don't care if i just got two presents they ment something important. A record player!

"Look inside" clint said.

A bunch of old records that I enjoyed from the past. I got up and hugged Steve for the wonderful memory before war.

"Hey Bucko" I felt overwhelmed by the gift that a lump formed in my throat.

"There is something else Buck" I look at them and they had huge smiles.

"We might have gotten Tony to make you a mp3 player and put new music in there. It's the songs we think you might like. Some of our favorites too" Clint said as I open the small box inside the case.

"Thank you" I mumbled. I feel overwhelmed with comfort and care.

" Mr. Bucky sir are you crYING? " slowly I wipe my cheek. I guess I am. I try to hid the little tears but I guess I failed.

"I guess I am kid" I lightly chuckled and Peter gave me a bone crushing hug.

"DoN' t cRY" I...

"Peter..." can't...

"Peter........" breath..

"PeTER!!"

"Yes Mr.Stark?"

"Let him go. He can't breath!" Soon as he let go I felt myself take a large amount of air.

"Damn kid you got a strong hold" my voice came out raspy. Laughter filled the room.

---------

"Here we are Buck" Steve turned on the truck. He wanted to drive to my studio. 3 hour drive just talking and singing like old times.

"Thanks Steve and Sam"

"Yeah whatever. But next time can we hear music from this era! I wanna hear some Kanye West man!" Sam kept on blabbing and blabbing. Ignoring Sam I got out and walked to my door with my stuff.

"Hey" I whip my head to the side and see Y/n.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" I open the door and let her in first.

"Thanks. Umm I wanted to th-thank you for the tree. It's beautiful" her cheeks turned pink. "Welcome" I mumbled and placed my stuff on the bed.

"I got you something.." she gave me a Christmas bag. "It's not like your gift sadly. I wish I could give you something better" I open the bag and see the sunglasses that i wanted and a DVD movie. Dumbo.

"We can finally see the movie. If you want." She was nervous, I can tell. All I need is her presence, she made this Christmas better.

"Y/n, you watching the film with me will make my Christmas perfect"

Tags: @tnupsweetpie

[sortagaysortahigh]

Im ab to vent ab my family and moving and how theyre cunts to me so if you dont care just scroll past ok? Ok

When your familys moving and they get literally everyone else something that they wanted in the new house but leave you w literal jack shit. I dont even care if i sound spoiled or materialistic bc genuinely my entire life ive gotten jack shit from my family like up until mid pandemic i had been paying at least $600 a month in living expenses for everyone else bc i was FORCED To and ive been doing it since I got my first “real job” when i was fucking 15. Now im expected to pay rent in some shitty house that i dont even like to literally have a room the size of my college dorm with a little ass closet, and all of my siblings have large rooms, one got the entire basement and fucking kitchen down there ans literally said he pays rent like bitch we all pay the same fucking amount of fucking rent and why tf do you even still live at home when you make close to 100k a year-the same mf who refuses LITERALLY REFUSES to help around the house and leaves me to do it all, the other got an entire fucking garage dedicated to his bullshit “engineering” or whatever he fucking calls it, then leta get into how im sharing a bathroom with 3-4 people when i literally have been working my ass off for everyone, oh and also cant forget how ive been raising my parents kids since i was fucking 15 when i worked 2 jobs and had to go to school on top of that, to still be raisimg their kids and told that when we move ill be taking care of the kids even more than i am now. Also lets talk about the fact that I can’t even have any private space bc the littlw shitshow of a room theyre putting me in is smack dab in the middle of the kids room and my loud ass brothers room. Oh and yk what the only thing i asked for was? Bitch i asked for a walk in closet bc i have a lot of art supplies and ahit but instead my cunt brother gets that plus the garage while i get a room that is I KID YOU NOT less than 8x10 in dimension-IT WAS USED AS A FUCKING OFFICE SPACE.

Oh and guess what? I was told that id be cutting the grass and cleaning the kitchen, not to mention also having to clean the bathroom which i already do now bc my lazy ass grown ass brothers cant clean up after themselves. Acting like we live ina. Fucking fraternity house. Oh and the room is so small that the pictures show a twin sized mattress stuffed next to a little ass desk and a desk chair. Thats literally all that fits. OH BUT THE REAL KICKER HERE theyre taking the actual other bedroom and using it as an office bc they “need more space” to work from home when in reality these bitches only use a laptop and headphones to work from home. Lets also get into the fact that this house is in a racist ass county, and in the videos of the trip there the entire neighborhood has american flags and a few blue lives matter flags. But yea ok definitely move there cause that just makes so much fucking sense.

And if you think im being a little bitch ab it this is the same family that has physically emotionally and verbally abused me my entire fucking life and then chucked out some apologies bc omg no we ahouldve done better for you. My literal father LEFT ME, bitch dont even know my birthday to this fuckin day and he spells my middle name wrong like hes not the stupid bitch who gave it to me. The only reason im FORCED to live with them is because i physically cannot afford a new lease rn and when i asked them to co-sign for me they laughed in my face and told me i waa the irresponsible one who should’ve known better than to end my previous one, as if i didnt have to drop out bc i was two days away from literally killing myself. But yeah they just oh so love me ao much huh? IM A FUCKING LIVE IN MAID

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 172

Cammie

I sit down on the couch next to April. She is on her phone like she has something serious going on. I lean back on her pushing the phone into her chest. She couldn't push me off. One because she is but so big and secondly I have Caden in my arms.

"Ma?"

"Get your ass up."

I scoot off of her lap onto the couch. I still had my legs on her. I sit Caden down on my legs so she couldn't take them off of her. She goes back to her phone. Caden has been sleeping too much in the day. I'm trying to get him off of that hospital schedule. They were always poking him and bothering him at night. So I'm bothering him during the day instead of giving him his peace.

"Your son thinks I need to lay Caden down and let him sleep. I'm trying to get him back to the real world. People sleep at night. Only prostitutes and celebrities be up throughout the night. He not going to want to be up every night. Plus he don't have breast and Caden gets to where he only wants the breast, no bottle."

"Who are you talking to?" April asks not looking at me.

I push her shoulder with mine. "I don't think there's nothing wrong with holding my baby all day. We missed so many hours of bonding already. I'm more attached being that he was away from me."

"Cammie, go somewhere else and talk to yourself."

"I'm talking to you."

"Oh please don't whine." she says putting her phone down. "You have Lane spoiled. It's only fair that you spoil the little warrior. He is gaining weight fast."

I smile. "These fat thighs are getting too big for those preemie diapers."

April pulls at his feet. "He is so cute. Do you think he looks more like Lane or his own look?"

"A lot like Lane. They are going to be the perfect Disney siblings."

"Fucking Disney."

I giggle. "Disney."

"Who the fuck do they think they are? Here is when you are going to introduce your baby to the world. Here is how. You have til the end of the day to provide an invite list. You have to RSVP to your own shit."

"Your son doesn't see a problem with any of that. Only rights he wants are the ones to announce it. But Disney is cool with only allowing videos at their back drop. They even offering free photos with a character theme of our choice."

April shakes her head. "I don't give a damn."

I laugh. "Anyway, Ma, I found you something to wear."

"That's usually a joke." She stares at me. I don't smile. "Cammie, you not putting me in nothing that your mother would wear to church."

"I can't with you." I say laughing.

Caden starts whining. I turn him over on his belly then rubs his back. He is too fucking much. He gets quiet immediately. I take out my phone. I seriously took my time and picked this dress out for April. She is going to wear it whether she loves it or not. I took her style into consideration. She takes the phone from me.

"This is more of a dress for you." she says.

"Let me see that." I take it. "Oh that is mine."

She sucks her teeth. "You paid for this already?"

"Yes, I did, April."

"You think you the shit." she rolls her neck. "Better be on point."

"You going to think you the shit in this. I was thinking Disney. Fairy Godmother. Sexy Grandma."

She turns up her lips. "Rose is the grandma. I'm more of the..."

"Grandma." I say giving her the phone.

As I thought she doesn't say nothing. Her way of approving it. She strolls up and down the page.

"You might understand me." she says smiling then giving the phone back.

"Dress size and everything." I snap rolling my neck.

She takes Caden. "Tell your mama I don't like her attitude."

I hug her. "Mama."

"Cammie get off of me. Where is your husband? Go be up his ass."

"You never said you liked the dress." I snap.

"Cammie, I didn't fuss about it."

"Tell me you like it April." I say all up in her face.

She sighs. "Tremaine, get your wife."

I look up. "I thought that was really Trey."

"Cammie."

"No, Ma."

She kisses Caden's head. "Where is my baby Lane? He will get you out of here."

"April." I whisper.

"Did I tell you about my new friend?"

I back up out her face. "No. Spill."

"Imma just tell you that you met him."

"Oh you are no fun at all. How am I supposed to guess?"

"I bring lots of men around, Jayla?"

"Don't try to flip this."

She laughs really hard. "Here I was thinking you knew me and we had this mother/daughter thing going. Don't even know me like that."

"Jayla." Trey says walking into the room. "Lane, here is your mommy and mine."

"That my mommy." Lane says.

Trey makes a face at us. I start laughing really hard as I realize who April's new friend is. The guy with the funny name that she didn't bother introducing anyone to. It was at a party. She was talking about the life of Trey Songz to this guy.

"I know your secret." I say.

"Mommy, Caden right there?"

I focus on Lane. "Yes, this is Caden."

"Caden say hey." Lane raises his eyebrows.

"Caden can only cry. Come back later."

He starts whining. "I go? I leave?"

I kiss his face. "No Big brother. Where would you go if you have car?"

"I go all the way up high."

"Not in a car. Why are you looking for me?"

"Cause." he says touching Caden back. "I looking for you, Caden. Hey, Caden."

Trey comes back into the room. "Who did you send flowers to?"

Damn he mad about it. "What's wrong with sending flowers?"

"Depends on who the f... Who you sent them to."

"I wouldn't be sending a man flowers, Tremaine. You know what they say about jealous people. They usually the ones doing the dirty."

He smacks his teeth. "Be straight up. Who?"

"I sent them to Charleston, Smarty Pants. Who else did I send them to?"

"You act like I know all of that." he says leaving abruptly.

I sigh then whisper to April. "Excuse me, Ma. I have to go pay my jealous oldest some attention. He tripping."

She chuckles. "Please do. That doesn't look cute and y'all sound terrible."

"You not take Caden. Nanma, give mommy back my brother. He want mommy."

"Your mama leaving you." April says pointing. "Drama number two."

 *******************************

 I look at the list of people who RSVP'ed already. I didn't want a lot of people. I mainly invited my wedding guest list. My bridesmaid, Trey's friends, and family. So far 10 out of 55 are coming. I'm expecting about 25. Mostly women. Not many men want to come see a newborn baby.

"Tremaine?"

"Mmh?" he replies. He stands up and walks all the way over to me. "Jayla?"

I rub his chest. "Tremaine, like... I don't want to be rude or nothing. I don't want people touching my baby."

"I understand that."

"I mean, he only what 7 weeks? How did I forget? Anyway, his immune system not that good. Like who knows what people bringing in with them. Then they will be wearing perfume and shit."

Trey steps back so I couldn't touch him. "Perfume?"

"Yes."

He screws up his face. "What the hell perfume has to do with anything?"

"It can break him out."

"Seriously? Why didn't you tell me that? I..."

"You dont put cologne on at home. Plus you put it on your clothes. Only a small amount be on your skin."

He steps back up to me. "You tell me what to do Jayla and I will do it. I'll be as rude as need be. If they can't touch him then they can't touch him."

"I only want our personal photographer in the actual event. Not Disney people. I told them already. People will just have to look at him. Nobody hold him unless they are willing to wear covering."

"You should have only invited a few people then."

I shrug. "I'm figuring only the women will come. Maybe a few guys. Chris most definitely."

"Not true. Drake is coming for sure. Jeremih, Jeezy, Kanye, Frynch, Mario, Khaled, Will, Jackie, Kevin..."

"They are not. They not even on the acceptance list. They all called me asking if it's real. They all told me they are coming. I might have to tell them to respond to the invite. I know Drake assistant is doing his."

"That's... Okay, I was not expecting that."

Trey starts rubbing on my ass. He was deep in thought about something. I hug his torso. He stops blankly rubbing on my ass and hugs me back. It doesn't take long for his mine to go back to my ass.

"Tremaine." I say letting him go.

"What do you think about me going out?"

I shrug. "Go. Just remember if you drink or smoke, sleep it off and don't bring it around my children. The behavior or the scent."

He grabs my ass with both hands. "Jayla?"

"I think that you should get off of me."

"Only if you are physically unable to be touched. Can I bring a female home?"

I start laughing. "You not funny. Get off of me."

"So you get to have two other men in your life but I can't bring home some funky bitch from a party? You got some deep rooted double standards."

"Leave my babies along. I give you so much attention. We have been fucking more than we did that week we spent together."

He smiles. "We not doing nothing right now. You not naked from the waist down."

"Tremaine, I can't believe you still be on me like we don't be doing nothing. Can't let you get a taste of nothing."

"You telling me to taste it." he says pushing his body against mine.

I put my arms around his neck. "Tremaine, I swear I already feel like I been doing squats all week."

"I'm just wondering what kind of conversation this is."

"Mama Rose." I say letting Trey go. He grabs my wrist. I look back at his 'don't go to far' face. "Hey Mama."

She hugs me. "My pretty girl. How are you?"

I smile hugging her. "I'm doing good. I know you already saw Caden."

"I told Lee that we had to go down before that showing party. I'm not going to let a party be the first time I see my baby."

"Isn't he beautiful..."

"Handsome." Trey says hugging Rose.

She kisses him. "He is so handsome. I know how proud you are of this woman, Maine. Two healthy boys."

"What?" Lane yells.

"DayDay." Rose says.

Lane falls out on the floor. He so funny. He kicks around on the floor playing. She yells at him to come hug her. He acts even more silly then he runs to her jumping up. They have a conversation then leave.

"What did he say to her?"

"I don't know." Trey says grabbing me. "I'm okay with being rude. You?"

I look at him funny. He grabs my ass touching my pussy. I understand fully what he is talking about. I smile touching my body.

"I might be walking like I'm bowlegged. But rude is okay."

He laughs really hard pulling me to him. I start kissing on his neck. Fucking Tremaine. He picks me up and starts walking. I bite on his ear. He grunts. I lick his ear. He throws me. I gasp as I hit the bed. I turn over in the bed lying on my stomach.

"Perfect." he says in my ear.

His voice gives me chills. It's like he knew I wanted to hear him in my ear more.

"I love you."

"Mhm." I moan.

He grabs my hips pulling me into him then starts fucking me hard. I press my lips together holding back the urge to let everyone know the amount of excitement I'm feeling. I exhale. He starts fucking me right. Hitting my spot each time. I cover my mouth and let it all go. I still could be heard. I know it. But the feeling... Oh the feeling.

"Acting like you fucking for the first time." Trey says.

"Feels like it." I moan.

He kisses my back. "I feel like singing to this shit." He says poking my pussy with his limp dick.

I turn my upper body over looking at his face. He kisses me so I couldn't see his face. I want to see that look of satisfaction he has right after.

[crashpaddiaries]

Dear Crashpad Diary #26

Yooooooooo freackin beasts!! Wassssssuuuuuup??

So great to hear good news from Ireland!! Ro and Stephen are already training with Rob Hunter… the master!! ahaha Now I am the one worrying about it… they’ll become beasts and it´ll be so hard to catch up with them later on hehehe All the best vibes beasts and keep strong… it´ll hurt and youll get exhausted but itll also pay off!! =)

So… going back in time a bit and I´ll tell yas about: our adventure overnite going to Koh Tao, rainstorms, the incredible case of a Russian newbie alcoholic-wise,  fruits for free, getting close to sea urchins, things for the first time ever, Brazilians messing around, another interview, boat to Krabi, what a great start for the surfing trip, the cursed room, paid beaches and fixing the room for the AC…

coolio…. last time we were heading Koh Tao or Kho Tao or Kho Thao or Ko That…. dunno… they defo have some trouble defining what is the correct way to write down their shit heheheheh

So… the boat from Surat Thani… or Suratani or Surat Tani… hahaha same same… was pretty cool… we got there not putting much faith on it but we were surprised by the quality and the size of the boat… it was like a hostel… dunno… maybe 200 beds or so… double beds and all… we got there a bit early and left the bags to get some food outside… as it was weekend there was a huge… gigantic open air market.. with food, clothes, animals, electronics and so on… as usual… real local street food does not suit vegetarian so we walked a little to find some for me… Luh is always freakin patient with that… haha thanks Luh!! Luv ya!! =)

I got some Papaya Salad and he ate his addiction… fried rice with chicken hehe and than we went back to our floating and surprisingly not-shaky-at-all hostel… sweet dreams and few hours later we arrived to one of the most beautiful islands I’ve ever been to… Koh Tao!

I had the idea that Id get some climbing there too but turned out that the climbing is quite inexistent and all the info I gathered in 27crags was quite shit… we walked one day loads to get to a boulder and there was any hahahah instead, we ended up in an open field hahahahah maybe with a local it’d be better but even that I couldn’t find hehe so we went for snorkelling all the days we were there… such a bad option, right?? hehehe

Ive always being a mountain guy… I would go for jungle/forest/mountain rather then ocean anytime but the reefs and the beaches here got me… the underwater world is amazing and we are enjoying in a way that I could never imagine!! We walked pretty much everywhere there and got one day the boat to go to Koh Nang Yuan… three islands connected between them… one of the few ones in the world…. what a gem!!

All the other beaches though, are incredible too… there is no need of boat to have a blast here!!

You´ll need only some goggles and hold your breath to get a breathtaking experience!! hehe

The top 3 beaches we visited there: Nang Yuan… Said Nuam…. Ao Lek…  2 of them you can go on your own and they are stunning!! =)

The trip to the Nang Yuan islands was great… the scenery is something else there!! But I dunno…. it seems that crazy people go everywhere… we got another mad guy… drunk just for a change… falling off from one of the platforms going to the viewpoint…. Viewpoints are normally on top of hills… so you can see better right?! Well… if you´re going up… kinda scrambling up…. would you drink and mess up with your ability of ensure that youre standing up?? I dont think so right?? hahaha

Well… the same way we got over Christmas, in Hampi, some dumb guy falling, hitting his head and almost dying, while walking and jumping from boulder to boulder drunk, we got another not-too-smart one… but this time was a bit funnier… kmon… its hard to find a Russian that goes down on whisky heheheh Yep… the weak Russian didn’t hold up well on whisky… decided go for a walk but chose the tricky path throughs the platforms that go over the ocean and rocks till the point you get to the jungle and reach the viewpoint… unfortunately, for his head and back…. he got a short cut to another view point… the viewpoint of the reef down there hehe he got some good scratches and the people on the beach had to come and help otherwise we would have one less person in this world and a little bit more alcohol haha

The best part was when a lady-boy came and said: “Don’t worry guys… Ill take care of him!”… and sailed away as a storm with his/her boat and the dizzy Russian!! hahahah

Talking about storms and rain… we´ve been enjoying hugely the rain here… every afternoon we get few storms… something peculiar for those who live in Ireland… First of all because we dont have storms like that… when it seems the world is ending on water… and second of all… its impossible to go out and enjoy the rain… feeling the mild water hitting your skin… and the refreshment that it provides….. if you try that in Ireland you´ll get some pneumonia with not doubt heheheheh

After few days having fun in Koh Tao we decided to leave and head to Koh Phangan… or Koh Phan Gnan… or…. hahahahah you know right!! hahaha

All the big islands are quite close and you can reach them with a short trip on a boat… so we did that… over 1 hours on a jumpy boat and we got to Koh Phangan… the second biggest island… we could see the other side Ko Samui… the largest one… but we decided for Phangan cuz Luh would meet Dai and we could also check some rad places we´ve been told!

The first days we stayed in the south… but there is no much… the accommodations are cheaper but the only attractions are parties and kite surfing… not our style tho…. fortunately we found a freaking good restaurant there… Harbour House… cheap and scrumptious… worth defo a visit if your there!! =)

Once we realised that the beautiful beaches and awesome waterfalls were up north we grabbed our backpacks and snorkelling gear and off we went!! WOW… if you like nature… go straight to the north of that island!! Astonishing!! =)

Thailand is great… seriously… its nature… people… food… you can easily fall in love with the country… the only thing I couldn’t understand was why everyone was telling me before the trip that I would love the fruits here and that would be cheap and all… but so far was so hard to even find it!! Well… Phangan surprised us in that sense… and confirmed our friends theory… we were walking one of the first days there when we found a fruit stand and simply asked how much was the banana… the girl didn’t speak any english but made sure that a wave of free fruits came towards us.. hahaha FINALLY… FRUITS FOR FREE!! HAHAHAHAHA No need to say that we got fruits for dinner that day!! and the other!! and the following one too!! hahahaha What a sweeeeet life!! =)

Days of new things are common when you´re travelling and for me it wasn’t different… as we were 3 people we had to rent two motorbikes… so Luh would go with Dai and I had to get one on my own… you know… I love adrenaline and that´s why I never got a bike… because if you accelerate it will speed up and I´ve already some trouble cycling… crashing into a wall with a motorbike is not on my life bucket so I´ve always avoided… up to now though… when you have no option … well… the choice is already made! hehehe

So there we were… handled our passports (yep… no passport no bike… no bike… no trip around… so….)… and got two bike… Luh is already used to it… but me…. you should’ve seen the guy´s face from the rental shop when I left the place driving the bike and showing all my newbieness hahahahahah Hoooooooray… the first 200 metres done and I´m in one piece!! Self high five!!! =) hahahah

In fact, in the end of that day I was myself and somethings else…. we went to another fantastic beach where you can see coral reefs and enjoy a sweet beach… Ko Ma… and chatting… not paying attention… I stepped on a sea urchin… haha got some nice spikes inside my left foot… few of them are still with me hahahahah part of the family hehehehe But even some needles can´t change your perception of great life, awesome vibes and gratitude when you are in a place like Ko Ma.

The tourism is the locomotive of the island… there are … loads of them… tourists from all over the world coming and going constantly… therefore, loads of people renting bikes… and falling off in small accidents… that´s one of the other reasons I didn´t want to rent the bike… additionally the island is full of up and downhills, the roads are good but some are covered in sand due to the constructions and all…. Plus, the amount of people wth sort of bandages or dressings covering the wounds was bigger than Hampi… and in there the bikes were shit like you turn to right and it goes to the left!! haha

I got the bike anyways cuz I had no option hehe but kind not sure of what would be the output.. some new scratches? On me or on the bike?? Will I get the passport back?? hahaha

In the end, I enjoyed the rides, learnt ok-ish and after the bad first impression I gave to the rental guy… I got along with the idea pretty well!! We met two  Brazilian girls that can’t say the same though… visiting Ko Ma we have to go through a quite big uphill… as we were going we saw on the left side a group of people in an area that is not common… well… on the side of the road… full of dirty and roasting under the sun… don´t think its a pleasurable place to be hehehe as we approach the group we realised that it was an accident… the bike went off-road with two girls and the other couple was trying to help´em… we stopped right after and started helping too… pushing here and lifting there… speaking in english with them and when we had to lift the bike back to the road  I spoke in Portuguese with my bro to sync the moves… so the girls said: Oh you´re Brazilian too?? hahahahaha and after that PT took the chat… the couple left as they had done loads already and couldn’t´t understand a fuckin word haha

With the rescue finished they told us what happened… it was a sum of mistakes… even funny tho hehehehe

1st and main mistake - they didn´t know how to drive… haha 2nd - they were going up through the wrong lane… as over here they use the British way… on the left lane…   3rd and the best one - the driver saw an elephant and got way to excited… tried to point it out to the passenger and forgot that autopilot is an utopia yet ahahahaha

They ended up with few some good scars, with less money and with only one good pic of the elephant hahahahah

That made remember one time I was enjoying a beautiful trekking in the middle of the desert in San Pedro de Atacama… the guy who brought us there told us that he couldn’t go further because it was dangerous and more likely to get stuck on the sand… cool… we were maybe 5 mins already walking, when we see a car stuck in the sand… actually with sand almost covering the tires… and everyone started chatting and commenting… the group was heterogeneous, peeps from different nationalities and we were all betting with nationality that guys were… hahaha just to mess around… some said Argentinian, some sad north American,  some bet they were locals… and as we got closer and closer we could hear the indistinctly Portuguese… clear and loud… mainly when one of them yelled to the driver: “I told you so!! The rental company said that we shouldn’t go any close to the dunes!” hahahaha

Yep… it seems the Brazilians are around to provide fun and good stories!! hahahahahaha We are messers and that no one can change!! hahahahah

What happened to that car??? Dunno… there are some stories… you know… urban legends… in that case desert legends… that says the car has been swollen by the sand!! The group registered a stealing case in the police station, the rental company got the money back from the insurance and the group rent only 4X4 cars nowadays!! hahaha

Our last day in Phangan brought another great surprise… fortunately, good vibes and sweet happenings are recurrent!! …. we met a girl that left everything behind, got a one way ticket to Thailand and started a YouTube channel… to tell her story!! It´s incredibly fantastic how people like her are inspirational and full of life… we chatted loads about the adventure… life… how the uncertainty makes us scary and happy simultaneously… how the world is great and provides the most extraordinary experiences for those that go after it…

In fact, in contrary of many people think…. not much courage is needed… one only a bit of curiosity… a small portion of will to change things in your life… capacity to accept what comes… and some steps towards the unknown… a leap of faith… that will present you with surreality, happiness and stories that you had never dreamt of!!    

She interviewed me for one of the videos that come out soon… and if you´d like to enjoy her stories and her epic adventure… send good vibes or get inspired to do the same… I mean… same same but different…. check her channel: Voecomjulia…. you type that one YT and you´ll have a blast!! =)

See you soon Julia and talk to yous soon beasts!!

I got a bit excited on this post… sorry for the exaggerated text… I´ll take it easy next time… or not!! hahahahaha too many stories!!

All the best vibes and sweet smiles…. =) =) =) =) =) =) =)

Cheers,

Evan