#buff harry winning everyday | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

waitimcomingtoo · 5 years ago

Note

Hello there! I hope you’re having a lovely day. Any chance you’d write a fake dating story with Tom?

That Day in the Rain

Synopsis: Tom lies and tells Haz you’re his girlfriend, who tells the world

Masterlist

Requests are CLOSED

I have added the “keep reading” tab a thousand times and it won’t stay I am so sorry

“Before I say anything, I’d like you to think about how much you love me.” Tom said once you opened your door to him.

“God, what the hell did you do?” You asked him with wide eyes.

“And how much I love you.” Tom continued as if you never interrupted.

“Is there a body?” You whispered harshly. “Are you making me an accessory?”

“And most importantly”, Tom went on with a boop on your nose, “think about all the times you told me you’d do anything for me.”

“Oh my God, he’s killed someone.” You groaned and gave your hair a stressful tug.

“This is one of those times.” Tom went on as if you weren’t talking.

“Who was it? A stranger? Harry? Jake?” You badgered. “Tom, please tell me you did not kill Jake Gyllenhaal.”

“I didn’t kill anyone! Why is that your first guess anyway?” Tom sounded almost insulted. “I just need a small, teeny tiny favor.” He said as he pinched his fingers together.

“What might that be?” You folded your arms.

“I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend.” Tom said in a rushed voice.

“You need me to what?” Your voice dropped.

“I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend.” Tom repeated, whining a little in the adorable way that he did. “Just for a little while.”

“Have you been staying up on tumblr again?” You raised an eyebrow. “You want to have a fake relationship? That is so Harry Styles x yourname, it’s unbelievable.”

“I haven’t.” Tom promised. “It’s just, the paparazzi took a picture of us Lady and the Tramp-ing that Kit Kat last week, so rumors have been off the charts. And then today, Haz and I were having you know a discussion over who’s braver and what not. He said he was because I couldn’t even ask a girl out, to which I replied, “I damn well could”, which we both know-“

“-you cant.” You cut in.

“I can’t. Exactly!” Tom excitedly agreed. “But I wasn’t about to let him win and he just kept teasing me over it so I snapped and “you know why I can’t ask girls out? I have a girlfriend.”, which we both know-“

“-you don’t.” You finished his thought.

“I know!” Tom exclaimed. “But he was really getting to me and I panicked. So he went, “oh yeah? Who?” all macho,” Tom imitated Haz’s voice in a buff manner, “and I started to panic right because I don’t actually have a girlfriend so I was just gonna say a random name but yours was the first that came to my head and I said it.”

“If it’s just Haz, why can’t you tell him you were kidding?” You asked.

“Because he started saying how he knew it all along and I was an idiot to think people didn’t know we were together.” Tom said sheepishly, taking sudden interest in the floor.

“But we’re not.” You stated.

“Apparently everyone thinks we are.” Tom scratched the back of his neck. “So of course, he told Harry who told Sam who told my entire extended family and now my mom is asking me about grandkids and I don’t know what to do!” Tom said in one breath. His eyes were full of panic and you knew he was beginning to spiral.

“Okay, okay.” You said soothingly and put your hands on his cheeks. He immediately stopped panicking and softened his eyes. “Don’t panic. Your family thinks we’re together, so what? We can pretend we’re dating for a little bit and then have a fake mutual break up. No big deal.”

“My mom wants you and your parents to come over for a family dinner tomorrow. Is that too much too soon?” Tom asked, bringing his hands up to your wrists and rubbing soft circles into them.

“Well, we have only been dating for about three minutes.” You joked.

“If you’re uncomfortable, we won’t do it. I’m okay with the years of embarrassment and ridicule I’ll have to deal with if you won’t pretend to be my girlfriend.” Tom sighed dramatically and drummed his fingers on your wrist. You rolled your eyes and pursed your lips.

“Just one dinner?” You held up on finger.

“Just one dinner.” Tom held up a finger and touched it to yours. You couldn’t help but smile.

“Alright, boyfriend.” You emphasized the last word, much to his amusement.

Tom picked you up, spinning you around and kissing your cheeks.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Tom squealed and set you down.

You prepared for the dinner like it was a final at school. You and Tom rehearsed the facts, well, fiction.

“We could say I first kissed you that one time my car broke down in the rain and we had to wait for the mechanic. Remember that?” Tom suggested with a shy smile as you drove to his parents house.

“I remember. We stood in that rain for hours because someone locked their keys in the car.” You laughed at the memory from the passenger seat.

“Well someone was distracted because someone else looked really pretty with raindrops in their hair.” Tom defended. You gave him a bright smile before leaning over and kissing his cheek.

“What was that for?” Tom chuckled.

“Just practicing. We have to be convincing, don’t we?” You shrugged as Tom pulled into the driveway. He kept his hand on your back as you walked up the walkway.

“We should probably hold hands. You know, for effect.” Tom suggested with pink cheeks.

You shyly slipped your hand into his as he rang the bell. Tom gave you an assuring squeeze.

“Tom! Y/n! Come in! Everyone’s here!” Nikki smiled as she opened the door. You walked inside, hand in hand and made your way to the table. Tom pulled your seat out for you and let you sit. You gave him a ridiculous smile as you sat down, finding it hilarious that your awkward-around-girls best friend was now pulling your seat out for you like a proper gentlemen. Everyone sat around the table, and the games began.

“So, Y/n, how long have you and Tom been together?” Dom asked, making polite conversation right away.

“A year.” You answered.

“Four months.” Tom said at the same time. You and him exchanged a look of panic before plastering on fake smiles.

“A year and four months.” You nodded, and everyone excepted it.

“You’ve been together for over a year and you never told us?” Your mom cut in.

“They didn’t have to. It’s not like everyone didn’t already know.” Dom laughed, and you and Tom let out fake laughs as a response.

“What do you mean?” You said through your fake laughter. You squeezed Toms leg under the table and gave him a scared look.

“Well, Tom talks about you all the time. I feel like I know everything about you, just from what he’s said. It’s funny, almost. He was never good in school because he couldn’t memorize facts, and yet he knows every detail about you like the back of his hand. I’ve never seen my son so enthralled as he is by you. He’d give you the damn world if you asked for it.” Dom quipped before taking a sip of his wine.

“Haha, very funny dad.” Tom said through a clenched smile. You furrowed your brows at the news.

“I’m not being funny. I was so happy when Sam told us you were an item because I know you’ve wanted it for so long. I’m proud of you, Tom. You’re really going after your dreams.” Dom said with a raise of his glass.

“Thanks, dad.” Tom said in a more sincere tone, feeling a little guilty for not being able to make his dad proud.

“What about you? Did Y/n keep it a secret that long from you too?” Nikki asked your parents.

“Oh dear.” You gulped. Tom sensed your fear and took your hand, under the table. You found it a little odd, since you were trying to fake a relationship but he was holding your hand out of sight. Nonetheless, you appreciated it.

“She just told us last night. We weren’t surprised either. Well I wasn’t. Y/n’s father just went “Tom who?” and went back to his newspaper. But I’ve known Y/n was in love with Tom since the day they met. She came home on the first day of school and told me she met the her future husband.” Your mom gushed. You sucked in your breath and avoided Toms piercing gaze.

“Alright, alright. I was six.” You defended. “Everyone has crushes when they’re six.”

“But it was so sweet! He used to come over everyday, and she’d talk about him all night when he left. I was so happy when she finally admitted they were together. I just thought it was closer to three years, not one.” Your mom went on, much to your embarrassment.

“You’ve thought Tom and I were together for three years and you didn’t say anything?” You wondered in amazement. Did the whole world see something you didn’t?

“I didn’t want to pry.” Your mom shrugged.

“I’m curious, Mrs. L/n. How did you know we were together?” Tom leaned forward on his hands with an amused grin, loving the embarrassment you were feeling.

“Oh, are you kidding? It’s like she wanted me to know. All the times I’d ask her where she got a T shirt or a sweatshirt and she’d go, “it’s Tom’s” ,with the reddest face you ever saw. I’m pretty sure she uses one of your shirts as a pillow case, right Y/n?” Your mom asked you from across the table. You gave her wide “shut up mom” eyes.

“Mom”, you fake laughed, “thats enough.”

“You do!” She exclaimed. “I remember now because I asked you why you did it and you told me you missed him. Isn’t that sweet? She missed her boyfriend.”

“I did that when I was little.” You told the table.

“Oh, but it was just last week that you said that.” Your mom said, completely oblivious to your efforts to make her stop. Tom, for one, was loving every second of this.

“Last week?” He said as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“She’s old.” You shook your head. “She forgets.”

“No I don’t. I remember it perfectly.” Your mom got ready to set the scene. “I came in your room at like three am and asked you where you got the pillowcase from. You got all shy about it, remember? Apparently it was his favorite shirt or something. I should’ve told you right then and there that I knew. What girl would care about a silly T shirt if she wasn’t in love with the guy who owned it?”

“Haha, yeah. Because we’re so in love, right Tom?” You looked at him with panic seeping in. Tom burst out laughing and took both your hands in his.

“That’s right, Y/n. I love you so much.” Tom matched your slightly sarcastic tone before switching to a more genuine one. “More than you know.”

You and Tom stared into each other’s eyes, having a real moment amidst the chaos.

“Yeah, no. I don’t buy it.” Harry interrupted.

“Buy what?” Tom asked.

“This whole thing.” Harry gestured between you two. “There’s no way you’re actually together. I don’t buy it.”

“Me either.” Sam chimed it with a look of disapproval. “It’s too forced.”

“It’s not forced. We’re in love.” Tom defended sharply. A little too sharply, for a fake relationship.

“No, I believe that part.” Harry laughed a little. “But I don’t believe that you’ve actually told each other that.”

“Boys, please.” Nikki scolded.

“But think about it, mum. Didn’t Tom say he had a thing for Y/n two weeks ago? How can you have a thing for your own girlfriend?” Harry brought up. You felt your heart stop a little at this revelation. Did he really say that? You looked to Tom for answers, who looked at you in fear.

“It’s possible.” Tom said quickly.

“Is it, Tom? Is it really?” Harry pressed.

“Or is it possible you’re pretending to date to get us off your back?” Sam pilled on. Tom wasn’t enjoying this as much anymore now that the attention was on him.

“More tea, anyone?” Nikki pipped up.

“We’re not pretending. It’s real.” You came to Toms defense.

“Do you smell that, Sam?” Harry snuffed the air around him.

“Yup.” Sam nodded and sniffed the air. “I smell clownery.”

“It’s not fake.” You burst out. “I’ll prove it.”

You turned to Tom, who met you with a confused gaze. Your eyes fell to his lips, and hesitated for a moment. It felt like the whole world was holding their breath as you leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips. He stiffened from initial shock before melting into you and cupping your face with his hand.

Right as your lips touched, you saw white lighting flash behind your eyelids, like the flash of a camera. You kept the kiss short, being you were in front of your family and all. When you pulled away, Tom looked at you in a way he never had before. You plastered a smile on your face and turned back to Sam and Harry.

“See? We do that all the time.” You shrugged as if the biggest moment of your life didn’t just happen.

“I stand corrected.” Sam said, visibly impressed.

“Then congratulations, Tom.” Harry said. “You finally got the girl you’ve been pining over for years.”

“Haha, yeah.” Tom mumbled, never taking his eyes off you. You were too busy talking to Nikki to notice Toms love struck gaze.

After dessert and helping to clear the table, you and Tom said your goodbyes and got into his car. As soon as he pulled away from the house and hit a red light, you high fived in celebration.

“That was great! They totally bought it.” You cheered.

“Our parents especially.” Tom agreed. “Good thinking with that kiss.”

“Oh, thanks. I just wanted to prove to Harry and Sam that we’re actually in love.” You said, eyes immediately widening. “I mean, pretend love.” You followed up.

“Yup. Pretend love. I was definitely pretending to be in love with you tonight.” Tom let out an awkward loud laugh. “Especially in that dress.” He fake laughed even harder.

“Oh, me too. I was pretending so hard that I’ve been in love with you all this time. Total make believe.” You nodded way too many times and kept your eyes on the road.

“I hear you. And that kiss? I was totally pretending to enjoy it. I completely forgot it even happened.” Tom shrugged with a squeaky voice.

“Me either. I’m definitely not thinking about it right now.” You told him.

“Oh, same. I’m not even thinking about your cherry chapstick transferring onto my lips and leaving a taste in my mouth.” Tom laughed again, sounding almost like he was in pain.

“It’d be a shame for us to continue this conversation and find out what tonight meant to the other.” You said sarcastically but attempted to sound sincere.

“You know what I’m thinking?” Tom said with a scarily huge smile.

“Pretend tonight never happened?” You finished his sentence, as always.

“Yup! You always know what to say.” Tom admired, sneaking a glance at you in the mirror. On the inside, he was dying to talk about the night. But you seemed to agree that it should be let go of.

“We’re just so in sync.” You faked a smile as you drifted further and further from the real conversation you wanted to have. “You’re the best fake boyfriend ever.”

“I totally don’t want to be your boyfriend for real.” Tom declared with fear in his eyes and a forced laugh. You were both saying the opposite of how you felt, and neither of you knew it.

“Me either. I’ve never even thought about it.” You lied.

“I know, right? I’ve never thought about holding your hand or being the little spoon or braiding your hair when you’re too tired because you stayed up all night helping me learn lines because you’re so selfless and kind that it makes my heart swell and burst.” Tom shrugged. “That’d be crazy, right?”

“Insane.” You agreed, replaying his words in your mind.

“But imagine if we really did get together, though?” Tom said as if he just thought of it. “I wonder what it’d be like if we went on a real date.”

“I bet it’d be terrible.” You forced a laugh. You knew it’d be magical.

“Oh, awful.” Tom agreed, despite the blatant lies. He felt hurt at your words, not knowing they were completely fabricated.

“The worst.” You nodded, feeling a little hurt at the confirmation that he didn’t feel the same. “That’s why we’re just faking it. But I have to admit, it’s pretty fun being your girlfriend. Almost makes me want to fall in love with you.” You said as a joke, but meant every word.

“Haha, I am in love with you.” Tom blurted in the same cheerful tone you’d both been using. The car filled with awkward silence as Tom drove on.

“But just pretend, right?” You asked softly.

“Right.” Tom nodded and cleared his throat, no longer looking at you in the mirror. “Just pretend.”

You got back to your shared apartment and flopped on your bed. You tried to push the nights events from your mind and went to sleep.

The next morning, your phone was nearly dead from blowing up all night. You had hundred of notifications, but only one caught your eye.

harryholland64 tagged you in a photo

You clicked on the notification and it brought you to his page. Right there, for the world to see, was you and Tom pecking each other on the lips. The caption was sweet and simple.

“lover boy.”

Your initial reaction was your heart swelling. That white lightning you saw during the kiss turned out to be the flash of Harry’s camera, but you felt oddly grateful that he’d captured it at all. Otherwise, the memory would fade with time and you’d forget how momentous that night was. Harry had immortalized that spontaneous kiss, and then sent it out into the world.

That was your second reaction.

Harry had upwards of a million followers, and anything he posted of Tom was inevitable posted in every single fan account in existence. That night was no longer between your respective families. Every marvel fan was about to get the surprise of a lifetime. Tom had been steadily denying a romantic relationship with you since he found success with Billy Eliot. All the news reporters wanted to know if the little girl in pigtails doing the dances in the wings and cheering the loudest was “Toms little girlfriend”. It’d only gotten worse when social media took off and your face was splashed all over Toms Instagram. He could count on being asked about you every time he was interviewed. This picture was nothing but air to the fire. There was no going back from it. Harry had unknowingly let all he’ll break loose, all because of a stupid, stupid, amazing kiss.

“Tom!” You screamed. Tom rushed to your room and you immediately held up the photo for him to see.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know he was gonna post it.” Tom apologized, having already seen it. “But it’s up and there’s nothing we can do about it. On the bright side, people are being really supportive.”

“To you!” You cried. “I’m getting death threats from 12 year olds!”

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. I never meant for this to happen.” Tom said sincerely as he knelt next to your bed and took your hand.

“You need to post something about us breaking up.” You said as you pulled your hand away from him. Tom faltered and blinked in surprise.

“You said you’d pretend.” He reminded you with hurt evident in his voice.

“Yeah, for one dinner!” You whined, eyes landing on the amount of likes the picture had already. “The whole world knows now Tom. And there’s nothing to know! I’m getting harassed for dating you and we’re not even dating.”

“I think there’s something to know.” Tom mumbled, feelings once again hurt.

“Tom.” You whined and took his hand. He hesitated before putting his hand over yours and looking you in the eyes.

“They’re just want what we have.” He said gently. “They know you’re the most important girl in my life and you always will be. Can you blame them for being a little jealous?”

“No.” You admitted, a small smile creeping onto your face.

“Listen.” Tom tucked your hair behind your ears and cupped your face. “I can put an end to the hate. My fans will listen to me if I tell them to stop. My publicist wants us to do an interview together tomorrow on Ellen. If we go on and explain that we want our relationship private, people will leave it alone. We won’t have to pretend. People thought we were dating before anyway right?” Tom asked and you nodded. “Nothing has to change. Just do this one interview with me.”

“How am I supposed to lie to the whole world that I’m in love with you?” You asked. Toms heart fell and he prayed you couldn’t tell how much that hurt him.

“It’s not lying. It’s pretending. You can pretend to be in love with me for ten minutes, can’t you?” He asked a little bitterly before mumbling under his breath, “I’ve been pretending I wasn’t in love with you for ten years.”

“What?” You asked, not hearing him.

“Nothing. Will you please do it? I can do all the talking. You just have to sit there and look pretty.” Tom promised. You looked at his puppy dogs eyes before sighed.

“Fine.” You agreed.

You smoothed your dress and took one last look in the dressing room mirror just as Tom came in.

“Y/n, I belive I told you to look pretty. I never said anything about looking as radiant as the sun.” Tom teased as he wrapped his arms around your waist. You looked at his and your reflection in the mirror and told yourself he was only doing it to keep up the act. He didn’t really feel that way. It was just pretend.

“Aren’t you sweet?” You said with a tight lipped smile. “I might just fall in love with you for real.”

“I’d simply hate for that to happen.” Tom muttered and pressed a kiss to your shoulder. For the act, you told yourself, just an act.

“Me too.” You quipped, and quickly looked away.

“Did your mom mean what she said?” Tom asked suddenly. “About you sleeping with my t shirt?”

“I don’t even know what she was talking about.” You fake laughed and shrugged.

You knew exactly what she was talking about. A week earlier, she found you lying awake around three in the morning with tears in your eyes. You’d just gotten off the phone with Tom the night he left for shooting reshoots for Chaos Walking in Georgia. Knowing he’d be gone longer than usual, he gave his favorite black T shirt to wear when you missed him. Unbeknownst to him, that was all the time. You slipped the shirt over your pillowcase just as he rang your phone. You laid your phone on the pillow next to your head with a sigh as Toms voice filled your ears as his scent filled your nose. If you shut your eyes, it felt like you were lying on Toms chest, just like he was there. Your mom had found you in the position long after the call ended, and in the spur of the moment, you told her a little too much.

“Oh, okay.” Tom nodded his head, slight disappointment in his voice. “It just reminded me of all the times I’ve stolen one of your shirts before leaving for shooting.”

“Why do you do that?” You asked, turning in his arms to face you.

“The same reason you do. Or don’t do, apparently.” He said, slight disdain present.

“Because you miss me?” You asked. Tom looked frustrated and looked down at your lips.

“Because I love you.” He blurted.

“Pretend though, right?” You asked.

“Wrong.” Tom shook his head before crashing his lips to yours. You kissed him back for everything you were worth. Your fingers found their way to his hair, like they’d always meant to be there. He lifted you off your feet with arms secure around your waist. It was the fairytale you’d been waiting for since that first day of school when you told your mom you’d met your future husband. You only broke apart when a knock at the door came.

“Five minutes until you’re on.” Someone begin the door yelled.

“Thank you, five.” Tom called, his loving eyes never leaving yours. “I should’ve kissed you that day in the rain.” He whispered.

“That’s in the past. Let’s focus on our future. And my future is you.” You smiled at Tom and pecked his lips once again.

“You ready?” He asked.

“I am. I’m just glad we don’t have to lie anymore.” You said as you made your way to the main stage.

“Oh, Y/n.” Tom sighed dreamily as he brushed hair out of your face. “I was never lying.”

You took your seats in the couches next to Ellen after the crowd died down.

“So, how did you guys get together?” Ellen sat back in her chair and folded her hands.

“Well”, Tom looked at you and smiled as he linked his hands with yours, “it’s a bit of a funny story.”

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona @sunrise-shawn @meghan-8520xx @writing-for-hours-on-end @lavender-writer @captainmandeestudent17 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @theolwebshooter @autumnlyholland @andreasworlsboring101 @guksmyfav @waiting-to-be-myself

#tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #spiderman x reader #spiderman x y/n #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #spider man: homecoming #iron man

3K notes · View notes

bladekindeyewear · 4 years ago

Text

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25

I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!

...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding. (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)

So are we gonna follow up on the main ship? Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right? We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????

Yeah, probably.

Ugh, more Dirk. I guess it’s overdue. :(

> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair

Oh huh, I guess not? So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?

Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.

Pretty much, yeah. Can’t blame either of them.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well. Low-point. Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.

He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.

Can’t move. No Breath huh? What’s going to get him to, then?

> (==>)

Oh boy, that might help. XD She’s pretty good at that.

> (==>)

Still with the waistline gap. And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

Nice, huh! No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back. He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess. (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)

ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered

YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT

ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin

Heheheh. Gosh Roxy is always the best.

JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.

Hah.

JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.

Yep! Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor. Definitely something Roxy can do well.~

> (==>)

EXCUSE ME. What is that outfit and pose. Did you--

ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.

Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room

Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling. JFC

Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU

> (==>)

Yea this seems like a fucc room.

JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there

So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good

Ah geez.

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Well, that’ll buff out easy.

ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.

Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)

Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.

That would be the feeling.

> (==>)

MY GOD. Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit

She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it

JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--

So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry? Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.

> (==>)

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

boot knockin XD

ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.

Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.

Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars? Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something? (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task? And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)

John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.

He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.

Just put your feet up yeah

> (==>)

WHAT A CUTE IMAGE

JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud

she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far

ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened

Ouch. Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was. (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous? I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)

ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"

Talk it ouuuut~~ get those feels out there and articulated john

JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.

I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit? Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Oh shit

ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep

Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?

ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on

It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little

ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences

OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement

ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind

Okay no. Wait. What the fuck?

First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,

Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!? Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES. God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN! And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise! If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!? And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they?? This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to. FUCK.

This feels stupid.

ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?

Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.

> (==>)

JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here

THANK FUCKING CHRIST.

If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad. Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is. OF COURSE.

ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good

Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it

ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push

eyeroll, but yeah, of course

> (==>)

Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.

> (==>)

Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????

That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it???? For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or

ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean

Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing. And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely. :)

JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me

I don’t have any big theories. Is it just the Hiveswap device or something? If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.

> (==>)

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^

Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.

> (==>)

THEY’RE SO CUTE

JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u

Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline. Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).

CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.

Vital conversation? What sorta truth-bombs are coming?

CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^

Holy SHIT that was savage! And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~

JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.

Uh oh.

Hopefully babies aren’t involved.

JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.

Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?

JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.

Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction. “ok.” Pretty much inevitable.

CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)

And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.

CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):

Yeah shake him out of this shit.

ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u

Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.

CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)

This is all gold

ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.

Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility. Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John. ...Whatever.

CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

No? So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

What the heck? Calliope SAW all this? Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there? And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already. Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?

JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.

Um, what?

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep. Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline. It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Ah fuck. You’re going to regulate non-canon? “Canonize” it? Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?

ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)

Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.

JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol

YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.

..............................

OOooooh, kay.

Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it. Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point. Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention! That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!

They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough. Huh.

ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?

Love with who? Callie, John, both?

In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.

Oh shit. Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.

> (==>)

Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska. Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--? Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?! I don’t know. Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????

Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.

JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska

No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there. But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.

JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!

How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?! Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.

Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Roxy Lalonde #John Egbert #Calliope

17 notes · View notes

lovemesomesurveys · 5 years ago

Text

x1 How are you feeling today? Well, it’s 230AM and right now I feel super tired, but here I am doing a survey. x2 Were you feeling like that yesterday at any point? I always feel tired. x3 What kind of food could you go for right now? I’m actually thinking about biscuits and gravy with scrambled eggs from this local place that I love lol. x4 Would you consider yourself a movie buff? No. x5 What is one common name that you like? Alexander.

x6 What is one unique or odd name that you like? I like Autumn for a name.

x7 When|why did you last have a stomach ache? I did earlier. That’s not such a rare occurrence for me due to some health related issues. x8 How many times have you had the flu? Maybe a handful of times. x9 Do you think imagination is valuable? Absolutely. x1o What is valuable to you, in general? My family. x11 Who or what are you most impatient with? Close mindedness. x12 When was the last time you mowed a lawn? Never. x13 Have you seen all of the Star Wars films? I have. x14 How about all of the Harry Potter ones, so far? I’ve seen them all. x15 Do you plan on seeing New Moon when it comes out in theaters? I saw all the Twilight movies as well. x16 Was your horoscope accurate the last time you checked it? I don’t check it. x17 Do you put much stock into those kinds of things? Nope. x18 Name a location that’s absolutely beautiful to you? The beach. x19 What part of the newspaper do you typically enjoy reading? I don’t read the newspaper anymore, but when I was a kid I loved reading the comics. x2o Do you ever click any links on your homepage? Uhh I click links on my Chrome bookmarks toolbar. x21 Have you ever made a website, even a simple one? Yes. x22 Which was better: your childhood or your teen years? Childhood. x23 What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? It was scary and I was nervous, but I also felt giddy with that butterfly feeling. It was a good feeling. x24 What does it take for someone to win your heart? Someone who I vibe and have connection with who is kind, caring, patient, and understanding. x25 Are you expecting anything? Coffee when I get up. x26 What is one thing you would rather be doing? I should go to sleep. x27 Do you ever blame your moods on PMS? When I had a menstrual cycle, yes. I had really bad PMS/PMDD. x28 When was the last time you changed your mind about something? All the times. I second-guess everything. <<< x29 Who was the last to ask you for something, and what was it? My brother, but I forget what it was at the moment. x3o Do you know anyone with a lisp? No. x31 How much weight can you lift at once? Not much. x32 Do you gossip about others? Sometimes it happens. x33 Are you often bored? I’ve felt like that a lot lately. Really it’s lethargy and that’s why I can’t do anything to kill it. No energy or focus whatsoever. <<< Yeah, it’s more so that than boredom for me. x34 Is down-time a bother to you? Everyday is down-time for me since I’m not in school and I don’t have a job. I don’t have any responsibilities that require my time like that. x35 Do you ask guys out, or wait for them to ask you out? I’ve never asked a guy out. I’m way too shy and awkward for that. x36 Do you like the last person who showed interest in you? Man, it’s been a long time since that has happened. x37 Have you ever disliked someone because of a physical feature? No. x38 Have you ever been disliked for one of yours? It’s possible. Some people might be deterred by the wheelchair. x39 Describe the last person you stared at? Uhh, well I’m watching Boy Meets World so I guess I’m staring at Cory, Shawn, Topanga, Eric, etc.

x4o What are your usual chores? I don’t have any. x42 Do you feel like you fit your gender? Why|Why not? I feel like I’m a female, yes. x43 Do you like dating one person at a time, or multiple people? I’m into monogamy. x44 At the end of the day, how do you usually feel? Tired and blah. x45 Do you know many others who share your sense of humor? Yeah. x46 If you could have one thing, what would it be? Good health. x47 Do you take criticism well? No. x48 Do you give it well? No I’m pretty bad at it. I don’t like being critical, even if it’s meant in a constructive way. <<< Same. Even like in school when you had to critique someone’s essay or presentation I never knew what to say. x49 What rule do you break most often? Uhhh. x5o Have your experiences made you more or less sympathetic to others? I think I’m very sympathetic and empathetic. I think that’s just part of who I am, but I also think my experiences help with that as well.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

5 notes · View notes

harryhookwriter-blog · 7 years ago

Text

JOINING UMA PT.1

JOINING UMA

SUMMARY: Reader joins Uma, with some life in-between.

Words: 948

A/N this isnt a Harry X Reader yet but part 2 will be. Thanks !!!

PART 1

I woke up in my house in Wonderland. It's much safer than sleeping on the Isle. Dont get me wrong, I love danger, but it's easier to sleep knowing no one died overnight at your window. I got dressed in my burgundy training gear, (I love burgundy, its not surprising, really, I mean, my mom is the Queen of Hearts). I got dressed and went to the training grounds.

My mom hates the Isle, and hates me being there, so I'm banned from making Isle friends, joining gangs, having Isle boyfriends, (or whatever else we call it) yah know, normal Isle stuff. I don't care what mom thinks, really, she's a bitch. But I'm not in a gang, anyways, back to the story.

I went out to the training grounds, the strongest win on the isle, so I train by myself. It helps a reputation, you know?

After a few hours training, I hit the showers and put on a leather one piece, and left for my home, the Isle.

I got there and went about my scaring people, occasionally stealing whatever I liked. My mother still beheads people, so no one complains, just in case. It's not a good idea to get on my bad side, anyways, I have access to wonderland, the only way to get off the Isle. I prefer the isle, it's more interesting and entertaining.

I was feeling hungry so I went to a fish and chip shop by the ocean, it didn't seem too dodgey. It was attracting a good crowd, a crowd of pirates, might I add. I followed them inside.

Inside, there was a girl, who looked like Ursulas youngest, and another person, a boy, who was holding a hook, I was guessing he was son the of Hook, were stood on a stage in the middle of the shop, they both were laughing maniacally, I was intrigued, but over looked this, and the girl, Ursulas daughter, came to my table, and asked me what I wanted. I ordered and it wasn't bad, so I came back everyday after that.

The Hook boy noticed, of course, he served me from time to time. He's a flirt, I noticed, but I don't pay attention to it.

*TIME SKIP TO A FEW MONTHS LATER*

I went to the Chip shop for food, as per usual. But something was different, I walked in and people stared at me. Intensely. I'm a confident person, so I ignored this. I went to sit down when I was stopped by Uma. That's a first.

"Come with me to my ship" she stated, but I still didn't move as she made to leave. "Are you coming?" She repeated. "What the fuck? Just follow you? For what? This is how people get held hostage" I answered. Uma smirked and gave me her sword and said "look, your armed, I'm not, now come on" Uma was smiling, I didn't really trust her, but I followed anyhow.

We walked in silence, we were both on high alert. The isle isn't somewhere for a stroll. We got to the ship and i followed Uma to the Captains quarters. She sat down and motioned me to do the same. So I sat, sword still gripped tightly in my hand.

"Let's talk buissness" Uma said, I still was tense. "What buissness?" I snapped. Uma saw my shoulders tense more and laughed. "If your worried about my crew, they're way to afraid of you to attack you, when you first came to the shop I couldn't find anyone who was willing to follow you, so Harry did, wasn't happy about it though" she chuckled, and I felt a little more at ease but was wondering why the hook boy was following me.

"why'd you get him to follow me?" I asked, curiously, but I felt I knew the answer. " Oh my bad I just hadn't seen you around and I wanted to know who you were." Uma answered simply. "don't worry, one night you tackled 7 buff dudes and won so you scared him off. "oh, well that explains that". I said, still confused.

"Anyways, so to be honest with you, I'm impressed and wanted to ask you, a few questions" Uma getting back to the point, "Fire away" I answered, I was getting bored.

"ok can you sail?"

"Yeah I learned in wonderland"

"so can you navigate?"

"Yep"

"Sword fight?"

"Learned before I could talk"

"Impressive" said Uma eyes wide with delight. "I'll cut to he chase, I want you on my crew,not at entry level but as my left had man, or woman" she stated/asked, a slight plea in her voice. I was shocked Uma wanted me as her third in command, but I kept my game face.

"why me?" I questioned, with confidence in my voice. "Easy, your smarter than 90% of my crew, and stronger too. Your able to sail and you've a reputation. My crew wouldn't follow my orders, because of you. You also don't hate me or Harry." Uma answered, as if it was obvious.

"How'd'ye know if I hate you or not?" I questioned again, wanting to know everything before I sign myself into anything. "well you always come back to the shop, you don't give me or Harry shit, and you came with me to here," Uma explained once more, took a pause once more and said "so, will you join?" "What's in it for me?" I keep asking questions, the best way to get what you want. "well you grow a reputation, you have my crews protection and food" "Fine, Im in."

#Harry hook x Reader #Not really tho yet #Uma #Gil #Harry #reader #reader x harry hook

37 notes · View notes

gift4sure · 7 years ago

Text

Gifts for Film and TV Lovers 2017: Entertainment Holiday Gift Guide

Nick Thackray for Thrillist

D o not bother counting the shopping times until Christmas — you had the perfect gift yesterday. ‘Tis your right time for you to look for “the finest presents for him” and “the finest presents for her,” hoping to land onto a gift guide that’ll somehow understand your loved one much better than you do.

C’mon! The holiday season doesn’t have to feel like one, long eggnog hassle. What did she diligently binge watch this year? What film did he have to check out in theaters? You see where it’s about: Pop culture obsessions will be the secrets to finding the perfect presents this Christmas, what from the pragmatic to this totally superfluous into the stocking stuffer throwaway you end up using for the subsequent 20 years. Whether you are buying for fanatical in need of a new coat, fanatic that skateboards on the facet, theory-hunter looking to kill time between seasons, or someone in need of a good book, Thrillist has you covered. Here are seven gift guides best that’ll score big with the giftee this past year. We all know you can do better than a card. (Click through each picture for full gift guide)