#btw i'm insane. i'm crazy.

[adastrabbit]

also hlvrai fans: i need you all to understand that the half life alyx gnome videos are required reading for hl2vrai. if you want the full lore you need to watch them. i know they're mostly just adjacent. but you should watch all of them. they're so funny and the final video is genuinely so awesome i was shaking from excitement when i watched it. please watch the gnome videos

[tofixtheshadows]

So I've been thinking lately about how Mithrun is Kabru's dark mirror (more on that another time- it needs its own post), and I thought it interesting that one of their parallels is that they were both cared for by Milsiril, but in opposite directions. She took Kabru in as her foster after he was orphaned and tried to convince him not to become an adventurer. On the flip side, she helped rehabilitate Mithrun specifically so that he could rejoin the Canaries.

And I kept wondering: why?

For Kabru, obviously she loves him a whole lot- despite any other shortcomings in their relationship, I do believe that.

So I get why she tries to convince him not to go dungeoning, and, failing that, at least prepares him as thoroughly as she can.

But why help Mithrun? She used to hate Mithrun, but after realizing what a secretly twisted person he was, she actually thought of him more positively (oh, Milsiril). So it wasn't as if she held the kind of grudge that might motivate her to make his already-depleted life even more miserable by sending him back to the dungeons. And it wasn't that she felt bad for him either, since she didn't visit Mithrun for the first ~20 years of his recovery.

The Adventurer's Bible says that Utaya was the impetus for Mithrun returning to the Canaries, but Milsiril is the one who made the trip to see him and tell him about it.

Why would Milsiril work so hard to get her old coworker back into fighting fit? Why encourage him to return to such a dangerous lifestyle, when she was the one who chose not to mercy-kill him?

That last panel is such a crazy thing to hint at and then never elaborate on. Without it we could have just thought that Milsiril wanted the Canaries' work to continue without her, even if it seemed out of character. I think some people even assume she's just a natural caretaker as a foster mom and handwave it to include nursing Mithrun too. What could Milsiril's suspicious motives be? What does she gain from Mithrun joining the Canaries that isn't an altruistic desire to see dungeons safely sealed? Feeling a sense of responsibility for the work she left behind isn't an ulterior motive.

My theory is: Milsiril, knowing that Mithrun was empty save for the burning desire to face the demon again, wound him up like a clockwork doll and pointed him back at the dungeons.

Hoping that he'd eliminate the biggest threat to Kabru's life, before it was too late for him.

Milsiril the puppetmaster.

[mattodore]

birthday boy 🎂

[duchess-doodles]

Have a wip because I'm going fucking insane

[abyssalzones]

stanford motherfucking pines

[harbingersecho]

grif's surgery but just a little more... obvious?

I actually rly rly ADORE frankengrif but I don't have an in-show reason why he'd have extensive long-term allogeneic skingrafts on his face 😔

[wimbledonstrawberry]

not to be dramatic but considering holger took that set in the only match he played against jannik this year (monte carlo) with a tie break (when jannik's record is literally 25-8 in tie breaks) I'm so fucking proud of my pookie

x

[warpedpuppeteer]

No it's actually pretty insane that Buck specifically chose Tommy to be jealous about. Tommy who's implied to be queer. That's who he's jealous of for being close with Eddie. You want me to think this is heterosexual behaviour?? That this is something "besties" do?? That Buck out of nowhere becomes jealous of Eddie being close to someone just because he feels threatened by "friendship"???

[flying-cat]

I'm stealing a tweet but what are your media literacy check characters

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

ok this is a deeply deeply weird manifesto and i'm sorry but i feel suddenly very burdened to say it so. if you felt like we were friends and i unfollowed you, this is for you. (don't be scared this is not about problems with anyone this is just my mess. that I think is ok to have which is why I'm talking about it)

so I joined tumblr in 2020 when a) the world was isolated b) I had just moved to a new city and was living alone taking Zoom classes in my apartment. what started as a mindless distraction became such a lifeline of connection and friendship! and still such a support as things started to open back up and get busier in 2021, when I was teaching and in class in person but still struggling for close in-person friendships. I know the group dynamic on here has shifted a number of times, as some of you probably experienced from various vantage points. my use of tumblr has shifted too, on and off, as I've needed different things out of it and been in different spiritual and emotional states. and I've kind of come to realize that I probably threw myself in too eagerly in some ways. it was so exciting to have actual friends on here and for them to actually turn into friends in person, that honestly I maybe prized that dynamic too much for what it symbolized over actually valuing the people. I'm sorry for doing that.

anyway, that worked fine for a bit, but as (glory be to God) I've become much more plugged into my in-person community in the last couple years, I've felt more and more emotionally strained. I've taken up a new attitude towards my family that's much more in line with God, but also much more draining as it means I have to just pour out in prayer and love and wait with patient sorrow over some things rather than fighting and defending my perspective as always right and necessary; and then there's the church-related grief my family has gone through over the last year. I've had a very delicate and difficult friendship that pulled up a lot of unresolved stuff from a college situation and felt endlessly wearying at times. I've had another issue from college recur in a way I thought had been healthily resolved years ago. I've had this whole roommate marriage situation that as y'all know is a very weird trial and pressure. My church has been dealing with a strange and tough ongoing struggle that was already stressing me out before I started working there. My small group has been amazing and I've loved connecting with and relying on them more, but that connection also means more fully bearing the griefs of a lot of different people dealing with the different struggles of life. My advisor situation has been so weird and tough, making my academic work really hard, and then this recent church work has been fulfilling but physically and often mentally exhausting. My future location, work, and community is up in the air after a few years of stability. (I really didn't mean to make this a recitation of my woes, but honestly it's really helpful to see it all written out here; helps explain my deep deep exhaustion, I guess.)

If I ever followed you on tumblr, I love you. In a number of different ways. I feel fondness at the thought of you and at your presence; I want to know you more fully; I desire the good for you; and I find my well-being to be, at least a little bit, tied up with yours. That last one is the rub. As I'm sorting through all the callings and duties in my life, trying to identify what counts as changing my tires versus what wears my tires out, I've found that my tumblr dashboard can switch back and forth very unpredictably between one thing and the other. Often it's a delight to come on here and find my friends and the cool things we're showing each other and the joys and sorrows and goofy moments of our lives! But at other times, when what I desperately need is an escape and rest and humor to provide solace from in-person cares, I find myself pricked all over again by the sorrow of the world and the stress of sin--or even just irritated by stuff I find irrelevant or disagree with or don't want to be reminded of.

To be clear, I'm not saying anyone's doing anything wrong on here. The opposite; I love the freedom y'all have to seek out what helps you, whether that's a lot of facts and ideas or a lot of goofy content or recipes or weird TV or music or venting about life or seeking prayer or advice! We all have the freedom and responsibility to determine how to use the tools we have to aid us in pursuing the good, whether the good is a quick laugh or building up virtue. But I think for me, at this point in my life, my duty and calling has swung back towards my in-person connections in a variety of ways, and I have to honor that.

The lie of infinity that the internet offers is just that--a lie. for me, that lie right now is being laid bare in my inability to have infinite care for everyone whose path I cross. I could follow everyone on here whom I'm endeared to, could keep messaging and replying and building relationships, but it would be a lie to think I can offer that love and care to everyone I would like to. In-person friendships are limited by physical proximity and time; online friendships can't be unlimited either. I need to apologize for acting as though they could be, and committing myself beyond my limits; but also, my life has really changed, and I'm not going to be caught either by the lie that online is only worthwhile if it's permanent.

I want to be clear that I value the connections I've had with you. I've loved exchanging mail and phone calls, messaging fun things back and forth, being online at the same time or learning about your day after the fact. Please know, also, that I have gone to war in prayer for you, and I continue to do so. I wish that I knew how to love widely without feeling pulled apart and worn down, by difference and sorrow and sin (mine and yours). I hope God is sanctifying me toward that end. But right now I'm fairly convinced I need to honor my calling to in-person friendships; I need to protect my mind and heart from even little pricks and distractions, so that I can keep my desires in order and use my energy for prayer and Scripture and to do good work and love the people God's made my physical neighbors. I really do love you, and I wish we had infinite time to talk and think together. I'm so excited to be with y'all in heaven forever. And who knows--maybe my life will shift yet again (it's looking likely) and I'll have a ton of spare energy and love and will come sheepishly back looking to connect with you again. We'll see. You deserve love and attention and connection, in person and online, and I'm sorry that--at least as it feels to me--I held out the promise of giving you that and then had to withdraw it.

so. there's all that. My dash is super quiet these days, thwarting my dopamine search but pushing me towards texting friends, towards meditating more fully on Scripture, towards praying over my work and burdens. I hope you can understand and maybe even be glad that, God willing, this is how I'm able and needing to work for the kingdom right now. love you love you

[faaun]

we sang in the aeroplane over the sea tgth ☆

[artbyfuji]

strqrock summer for @sracha !!

[helmarok]

i'm always thinking about this line

[dawnsbreaking]

Transcription: Zayne's ST "Beginning"

i transcribed Zayne's ST story for meta purposes and thought I would put the transcription here for others to have it if they haven't unlocked it yet/to have it more accessible than it is in game

everything with "Foreseer:" is Zayne speaking directly, anything not attributed is the poem. i did it this way to make it easier to read the poem on its own, since that's what i hope to analyze in the future <3

Foreseer: Shift your gaze elsewhere. Foreseer: Your expression shall not even earn an ounce of my pity. Foreseer: Though it seems a night in the throne room was not enough. Foreseer: Perhaps you desire to be frozen with the wall as your paltry confessional? [Ice SFX] Foreseer: Better to yield now than later. [Page turning SFX] Foreseer: Could you still be interested in what I’m currently reading? Foreseer: …Certainly, ’tis a poem related to Astra. Its descriptions suit you. Foreseer: Would you like to hear it? - A great distance beyond, …. north of ice and snow, Atop the Divine Mountain, When Light pierces through howling blizzards, The divine sing of Destiny’s crest My Emissary devout, Will thou be lost in these celestial halls? Will thou have the courage to wait for Mine words? To unveil thy fate predetermined. - Foreseer: You appear to be fascinated. Foreseer: [Laugh?] Hmph, then don’t speak. - With the frozen kingdom awakened, Greedy ants fall into eternal slumber. The divine rest upon their thrones, Yet hidden daggers lie beneath their robes. Brazen trespasser, Arcticyons sing of thy requiem. Dost thou know where thy stands, Upon white, gleaming bones? - Foreseer: I don’t mind repeating this verse. Consider it a prophesy of your future. Foreseer: Are you frightened? Foreseer: If this is all your courage is capable of, you best forget about the Creatio Protocore. [Page turning SFX] - Traces of destiny like shimmering starlight, Bind people who have never met… - Foreseer: I’ll stop here. The last verse is rather strange. Foreseer: Do you truly wish to strike a deal? Foreseer: You ask far too many questions. [Ice SFX] Foreseer: Must your wild curiosity be satiated? - Celestial Savior, Is thou prepared? To save him from darkness? To be his sanctuary amidst rime and gale, To allow the descent… of miracles once again? - [END] here is the poem in its entirety without interjections just to make it easier to read:

A great distance beyond, …. north of ice and snow, Atop the Divine Mountain, When Light pierces through howling blizzards, The divine sing of Destiny’s crest My Emissary devout, Will thou be lost in these celestial halls? Will thou have the courage to wait for Mine words? To unveil thy fate predetermined. With the frozen kingdom awakened, Greedy ants fall into eternal slumber. The divine rest upon their thrones, Yet hidden daggers lie beneath their robes. Brazen trespasser, Arcticyons sing of thy requiem. Dost thou know where thy stands, Upon white, gleaming bones? Traces of destiny like shimmering starlight, Bind people who have never met… Celestial Savior, Is thou prepared? To save him from darkness? To be his sanctuary amidst rime and gale, To allow the descent… of miracles once again?

[clowndensation]

the people's princess. btw.

[quatregats]

This is probably Bush and also Pullings's native dialect (though I have many MANY doubts about what exactly the methodology being used here was)