#btw i know i said “less than 9 months” as if the same person could get pregnant like immediately after giving birth but i didnt know

[goodhickey]

btw since I'm thinking about secondo and terzo age gap. I feel like a lot of people are confused about why it was needed to specify "three months" between them, but in my opinion it was like a subtle way of telling us that they have different mothers. like "three months" isn't specifically relevant but I feel like them giving an age less than 9 months apart was. idk why we'd even need to know that they have different moms though lol.

[fnhrtt]

› mine  ִִֶָ !

drabble inspired by taylor's song

pairing non-idol!sunghoon x fem!reader genre fluff, angst warnings cursing, kissing (if i am missing any tell me) wc. 1.5k !

author's note: hiii!!! this is the first time I'm writing stuff like this and more important the first time I'm posting it!! anyways I just got the idea of a drabble inspired on "mine" !!! I hope you like it :) btw english isn't my native language so if you notice any error on the writing or you want to help me with it , tell me ! I'd be so grateful with you for it!!! that's all for now! enjoy <3

Sunghoon and you met a few months ago, 9 months to be exact, the both of you were in college, he was working part-time waiting tables, that's how you I met him, while you were staying up doing homework, he was working (secretly staring at you from time to time) that turned out into your new routine. wake up, get ready, go to college, end your classes, café until 12:00 a.m. or until it was closed, home and that again and again; but you knew that the main reason of your daily long stay in the cafe was him, the handsome waiter  Sunghoon, but you also knew that he convinced his boss to stay open the café a little more than the usual on his workdays cause he knew you were always there, always.

And on that way the little glances turned into a few seconds of eye contact then suddenly to a 'are u free on Friday?' and in less than you expected, the two of you are laying on your couch.

'and then the teacher just didn't accept my essay cause the margin wasn't as thick as he had requested!!! ahhhh can you believe it???' you say in pure courage and rage 'who the hell he thinks he is??!!'

'how does he dare?? did he even see your writing? he's judging it just for a stupid margin!' he said in annoyed tone along with his pouty face, what just makes your heart melt

'ugghh anyways…it isn't a big deal, it's just a stupid essa-'

'NOT A BIG DEAL??! do I really have to tell you the the amount of days I had to stay at the café past midnight just cause you still were there?! also your work matters!!! just like my time!!' he reproached.

you rolled your eyes in a frisky way 'but you don't seem to be complaining about the kisses I gave you either…' you said clearly teasing him what just made him blush a little. 

'pffffft shut up!' he said and chuckled awkwardly, you sat up in the couch what just made him did the same.

'shut me up then' a little innocent smirk appeared on your face

he just answered by cupping your cheeks leaning on giving you a sweet but lovely kiss.

that was the way your relationship had been through the long 5 months, where you had shared memories just like picnics near the lake, study sessions, video games night and whatever activity you could do together that adjusted to your student budget.

there was one point where he started to influence you and your life cause he was already part of it, he changed you, not in a bad way (well maybe a little) you passed from be meticulous and perfectionist to start enjoying the present, his presence. letting him know your secrets, your insecure side, the one that had been tormenting you since you had memory; your fear of love and giving yourself completely to someone cause you had grown up with a pessimistic view of love, with the expectation that if you gave your heart to a person this sooner or later they would leave you.

but this time was different you started to believe for the first time, he made you feel comfortable, you started to love every detail of him, his eyes, his hair, his cheeks, his eyebrows, his laughter and his dad jokes, making you laughed even if the joke wasn't that good.

all seem to be perfect this time, stable was the word, the word longed for by many, achieved by few. you thought you already could enjoy it…but that feeling didn't last how much you wanted.

in a slow and silent way, you started to spend less time together, the drawer of your things at his place has been untouched for 3 weeks now, you were falling apart but it wasn’t your fault, right? it was the school that was consuming you and leaving you with almost nothing of time to even take care of yourself ,at least that's what you told yourself, cause you knew that unconsciously (or maybe consciously…?) your relationship was falling deeper and deeper with every week. the café, the place where you used to spend the most of your time beside the college, now it was one of those places that you prefer avoid or try to take another way, all with the excuse of “discovering and exploring the streets city more cause you haven’t had the opportunity to”

but you weren’t doing this to Sunghoon, he didn’t make anything to you and you knew it but you kept depriving yourself of any sign of his affection: his good morning and good night messages, his littles presents and letter that he occasionally left at your place even his small smiles that he’d give you if you two happened to see each other and his attempt to have a conversation with you that would go further than a  "I can't today, I have assignments to do"

that happened around 3 or 4 weeks but you knew that you couldn’t keep being like that though you didn’t know how to approach him again either, this situation added to your constant insomnia were the perfect mix for your trips to convenience stores at dawn.

you found yourself again in front of the small section of frozen drinks that your nearest convenience store had. after you picked your favourite drink and some chips, you headed to the till while you were waiting for your things to be scanned. someone tapped your shoulder.

It was him. Sunghoon was there. he looked worried and you could say a bit annoyed.

‘Hi! has everything been alright?’ his voice tried to sound happy or at least encouraging but his eyes were telling all the truth of his mind, soul and most important of his heart.

you could notice his deliberate sadness and desperate hope but that didn’t stop you from just saying your favourite quote lately…’yeah…well I have a lot of work now, see you later’ paying and taking your purchases, you dared to leave the store as if you hadn't left your boyfriend of more than 5 months in there, alone and hopeless.

but this time was different when you said it you could feel a lump on your throat, before you could put a feet outside of the store the tears started to coming out, you knew it, you knew this was the ending, you knew he was mad with you cause your childish attitude of ignoring him everytime he was around or at least at your sight.

the idea of losing him a few weeks ago sounded impossible but now it was here, right in front you, right in the tip of your tongue, you could feel already all the pain and imagined how many nights you were gonna spend crying until falling asleep, how everytime you drink coffee will remind you of his eyes or his little hobby of pampering you with free coffee every day, you prepared yourself for the goodbye.

you ran out, crying, and he followed you out into the street, grabbing your sleeve before you could walk away more.

'hey wait-' sunghoon's voice had worry on it 

'this isn't working anymore, I'm not working…I'm sorry…' you said with tears running down your cheeks

'what? no, no! don't say that-'

'no, it's true…I messed it up, I've been avoiding you all the time just cause I didn't want to get hurt by losing you but all I did was being selfish…I'm so sorry really…'

'you're not being selfish for taking care of yourself, you're just being carefu-'

'no, Sunghoon I am, I am being fuckin selfish like I have always been, I put away your feelings to give priority to mines, I'm just a burden to you, admit it, you know it and I'm not judging you if you're thinking of dropping me, I'll understand it completely cause I've been a totally idiot, a completely coward for not wanting face my reality, for not facing my fear of people leaving me…so I leave them instead'

'you finished? can I talk now?' sunghoon said a bit concerned, he sighed

'listen, I knew about this…do you remember the picnic near the lake? that was the day when you told me about this side of you and even after knowing it I stayed with you, do you remember when I said that I'd never leave you alone? I really meant it! I mean it now!' sunghoon said while he was holding your hands, you missed this, his warmth, the sweet way he talks to you, his sincere voice

'with all preconceived rights I tell you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you are the best thing that has ever been mine'

'and also let me tell you that your drawer is already beginning to have cobwebs uh!' he said trying to make the environment less tense and it worked, you chuckled at his silly joke then he wrapped his arms around you 

'let's go to my place and make fun of the cheap TV series, shall we?' he asked while look into your eyes, his look showed what you've been looking for through all this time, the pureness and truthiness of a soul, a lovely soul which doesn't care about the time or place, it always enjoy being by your side

©fnhrtt

[fizzingwizard]

life stuff

I did so many dumb things yesterday. Can't even remember them all now, but for one, I went to the wrong floor when I got home and even tried the key before I realized. I also went to a sushi place where you have color-coded plates, and I took a plate that wasn't my color. I have been going there for years and I've never not once done that before. Also at work I was just a basketcase who couldn't commit to anything.

Then today I made oatmeal, but apparently never turned the kettle on?? So I just poured ice cold water on my oats and uh yeah not appetizing. I just decided to starve until dinner 9_9

I'm a little perplexed by so many senior moments, but I think it just means I'm a lot more tired than I realized. It was a tough week. Many teachers were out sick. Including a teacher who quit for (highly legitimate) personal reasons just last week, we were missing four to five teachers nearly every day. We didn't have one day with a full staff. It's also conference season so I had a ton going on, and my kids were unusually difficult. I think it's a combo of them all being sick but not sick enough to stay home, and my challenging students just having some extra challenges, and everything happening at the same time. I've also been under the weather in a weird nebulous way: various symptoms, overall fatigue, no fever, but lasting weeks and weeks. Can't call out for it as much as I want to. Wednesday was alright but every other day was like wow, welcome to hell. Though I shouldn't say that because hell would be a kid getting hurt. No injuries, no disasters, just a very tired and frustrated teacher.

Because of all the teacher absences, those of us who were here every day got slapped with a lot more on-duty time and just stints of break here and there. We couldn't even get what's in our contracts a couple days, which always pisses me off because I'm literally not getting paid for one hour that I'm at work. And the company doesn't want us to do overtime of course bc they have to pay us for it. (They are known for "forgetting" to account for overtime hours as well so everyone double checks their paychecks). Yet we've been understaffed all year, so in order to not pay for overtime, they just send teachers from another nearby school to ours to help. One of my coworkers always insists on apologizing to them. I'm not apologizing. I didn't do it. Let the company apologize. I'll thank the other school for helping (not that they have a choice) but tbh it'd be better if they said it was impossible, then the company might actually hire a full time teacher. Oh btw last year when several of us were helping the other school when their teacher left on paternity leave for the rest of the year, no one thanked us. In face they mostly just forgot about us and looked surprised every time we turned up (biweekly! for months!) to do the job they told us they needed us to do

Anyway I told the manager that as much as I understand why break/prep time is limited when there are many teacher absences, it looked as though time had been redistributed without any thought about equality. Wed's hours were a mess, but I let it slide because I thought I could fix it to be okay for Friday. Well, someone else was out on Fri, and the time was redistributed again and I had less for the whole week than everyone else. Now there are a few factors: some teachers work longer hours than others but make "the same" pay (I put it in quotes because some of the contracts are a little different and I don't know the details, but it's roughly similar anyway). A teacher who is at the school for 7 hours has gets the same off-duty time as ones who are there for 8 or 9. But if it's okay to give more off-duty time to 9 hr teachers than 7 hr ones, that's never been expressed. And because 7 hr teachers go home before the least staffed period of the day, it's the 8 hr teacher who end up with less off-duty time because there are fewer opportunities to take it. The ones that come earlier than 4 pm have to go to the 7 hr teacher first. The ones that come after 5 pm are only available to the 9hr (which sucks for them because who wants to not have a break till after 5? they do usually get some break earlier as well but it's shorter).

Overall the distribution is unfair and dumb even when it's done according to the books. We used to have a couple leaders who would point out when things were too tight or not fair to whoever, but they both quit in the mass exodus of last year. I thought I could point it out and the manager would say "oh sorry, I'll keep an eye on that for the future." I didn't expect my schedule to be changed, just that promise. Instead the manager first said it was fine that I had less off-duty time than everyone else because I had conferences (??? our contracts don't change when there are conferences - or do they? lol well if they do it was never a problem any other year before now...). So I was like not really, and she proceeded to give me a bit of someone else's prep, the teacher who had the most for the week, only I found out later that that teacher wasn't feeling well that day. She may have been given the extra time due to her condition, and because I brought it up, she lost it. But I had no idea she wasn't feeling well. When I found out, I tried to trade with her, but she refused every time. It's just 15 min we're talking about. What does it say to you when teachers feel guilty all day long for having 15 min of prep time that could have been someone else's? fuck everything

Also only found out later that another coworker spent all of her prep time onboarding a new teacher. New teacher, hurrah, whatever, it's fucking January already but sure. Well, that coworker could have used a little extra off-duty time as well. But nobody bothers to tell Fizz. I would have happily traded off-duty time with her as well but I'm not pyschic my dude. I'm just not.

While I'm complaining let me sandwich in another annoyance. The other class decided they wanted to do a certain project. They began work on the project, but then got told by the manager that they had to include my class, because what they were doing was big enough to be unfair if only one class got to participate. Since they had already begun work, it was taken for granted that my class would just be doing the project as well now. No one asked if that was alright with me. No one asked if I wanted to edit or add anything. Actually, no one even TOLD ME WHAT WE WERE DOING. The other class teacher told my co-teacher the project was happening, but not the details. I waited two weeks, nothing, so finally I had to go ask them what the heck this was about, and they then told ME what to do. Absolutely no interest in what I might think about it at all. They decided, so I just have to do it. I could argue, of course! But like every time I have the audacity to disagree with Things That Someone Has Decided, I'd just be seen as making trouble for no reason. The project is good for the kids, so it's not easy to be against it. And I'm not against it. But I do feel disrespected. Like did it occur to no one that I, also a classroom teacher, might already have my own project in mind for my class??? If this had happened in reverse, then as soon as I knew my project was going to be expected of another class as well, I would have gone and talked to that class's teachers. I would have asked for their input and changes and I would have been fully prepared, no matter how unlikely it was, for the possibility that they just wouldn't want to do it at all. Because it's their class and i don't make decisions about their class. "But it's a cute project for little kids" blah blah everything we do is a cute project for little kids. IT'S STILL WORK FOR TEACHERS. Kill me for preferring the projects I chose and put effort into instead of projects someone else picked out without even asking my opinion. And I'm still doing it! I haven't made a scene! But was it really too much to expect at least "sorry about this" or "do you want to change anything"?? I really saw red for a while.

I'm fed up with my job in a lot of ways and I want to switch. But I don't know where to go. Finding somewhere new will mean starting over from base salary which is even lower than what I make now. The more tiring and demanding the work becomes, the less the pay makes it feel worth it. No one becomes a pre-k teacher to get rich. We like little kids. But there sure are a lot of expectations of teacher's the schools are basically throwing peanuts at. The perk, yeah, is the time off. But since it's only during cold months I never really do anything with it. It was nice to go home over the holidays, but I couldn't afford to do it every year whether I had the time off or not lol.

I honestly don't know what to do right now and it's making me extra anxious. Just hoping something will fall into my lap hahaha great strategy there. Glassdoor sends me useless spam every day :) Even got one saying I'd be a "perfect fit" to teach Christian ed to the kids of a traveling circus x'D

[chiefwritesbook]

Writeblr Q&A

I have been tagged by @scifimagpie (ty for tag) so I shall attempt to answer these questions lezzgo

1. What motivates you to write?

The soup brain has too many thoughts & I have to get them out. Also spite because my asshole 8th grade English teacher said my writing assignment was only worth a C (he was the ONLY one btw I got consistently vv high grades before him) & my Chinese immigrant friend got marked down for not being good at English. Fuck you Mr English teacher

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

(idk have this one from early chapter 2 I guess)

“You mean to say that I was bait,” Talin said.

“Not the word I would use, but in a way, yes,” Red Wolf confessed.

“Why?”

“You have been on the throne for less than a year. If someone wants you dead this quickly, something is amiss. I’d like to find out what.”

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

My boy Red Wolf. He's just...yes. Autistic werewolf puppy. Could definitely kill me without hesitation or talk me to death with weapons knowledge. I would thank him if he punched me.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I like not writing.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Worldbuilding, no doubt. I am simultaneously the best and worst at worldbuilding. You want a 2000-word essay on how languages & regional dialects evolved over time? I gotchu covered no problem. Want me to stop elaborating on how Hellhound magic is linked to the moon & actually write my sequels? Absolutely not.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I think the writeblr community is chill. Like y'all are just here for a good time and I can 100% respect that & get behind it. I get to write unhinged answers to these questions & not feel bad about it bc I don't have to self-impose ridiculous societal concepts such as 'maintain a professional image on social media'.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Scrivener? Am I allowed to say Scrivener even though I use at most like 2% of their features. I am the kind of person who if given nothing but a notes app & a two-hour uni class to sit through will hammer out a full chapter in those two hours instead of paying any attention to class. On the other hand if you want me to actually write during my free time I'm sorry I'm too busy procrastinating writing with art & procrastinating art with gaming.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

This is not a wise question to ask me (see: question 5) unless the goal was to make me sit here for ten minutes typing out an entire essay's worth of worldbuilding word vomit, in which case well played. However for the sake of my own free time & sanity:

The legal system in Kies Tor is probably the single greatest thing I've ever constructed & it plays a crucial part in the plot & was built off the early British/European court system as well as my own special interests in law & criminology. In short it's trying its best but it's also deeply fucked up and I love making the fucked up parts fuck up my characters.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Don't feel pressured to write. If you're staring at the same thing for weeks/months on end of course it's gonna get stale. Heck this Q&A post is the most I've written in weeks.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

@witch-king-of-angstmar ofc (no pressure to answer tho) but other than that I never know who to tag. I have social anxiety what is an interacting. If you see this on your dash consider yourself tagged

[softprincesso]

✨HOW TO BECOME A WEALTHY MIDDLE-AGED MAN✨

PT.2: Overview to understanding different saving/retirement methods, investments, and forms of income

2.1 Savings and Retirement

Welcome lovelies to (what I hope will be) a helpful series on gaining wealth and becoming financially literate and independent!

*disclaimer: while this advice can generally apply to many it will not apply to all. Everyone is in a different situation and should do their own research before they take what ANYONE says as fact or law. This is also coming from the perspective of a young, biracial, first generation female business student following a hypergamous lifestyle and who does sw so some advice may be specific to my like-minded ladies, but for the most part I just love money and want to help others find joy in their wallets as well. I am also operating in the US so things regarding accounts, stocks, and certain laws will vary by your country. Also, this is just a fun thing I wanted to do because talking about leveling up and learning and growing and money are my favorite past times. None of these pictures are mine, however I am using some links which may compensate me in some way, but I only used links which were mutually beneficial and would help you gain something as well, they are still just actual sources I use for myself.

✨THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND✨

Financial independence is different than financial confidence.

Financial Independence: “The most common sense of the term is that someone has enough wealth to live as they wish for the rest of their life without having to work.” -Investopedia https://www.investopedia.com/financial-edge/0611/declare-your-own-financial-independence-day.aspx

Financial Confidence: “We define financial confidence as having three aspects,” says Miler. “The first is awareness of how money can be a tool for helping you reach your goals and dreams. The second is financial literacy and understanding economic factors. The third is trust and knowing where to turn for financial advice.” -Forbes https://www.forbes.com/sites/shelleyzalis/2018/06/16/women-money-8-steps-for-growing-your-financial-confidence/?sh=2175b65e2468

While the ultimate goal is financial independence, financial confidence should be the main focus. I’ll give an example why. Imagine there are two people: Rhonda and Jill. Both of them like nice things, love to shop, and participate in the occasional splurge. Rhonda works a regular 9-5 and has a decent salary. She doesn’t have much financial knowledge (translation: financial confidence), but she has a savings account at her local bank and puts a couple hundred into retirement each year and she thinks that's enough. Suddenly, Rhonda wins the lottery. Overnight she has become a millionaire, so she quits her job, moves to LA, and goes on to live life to the fullest. She would now be considered financially independent. However, Rhonda has no idea how to manage all that money. She puts a small amount into that bank savings account and takes the rest to do what she will. One day she tries her luck at a casino, in less than five hours she has lost all of her money and has to start back at square one with no job, only a few thousand to get her through, and no-good way to explain to employers that she just wasted the last 5 years spending money on handbags she now has to sell at a depreciated value. (BTW you would not last not working with only a million dollars in LA for that long)

Now, let’s look at Jill. Jill is an independent contractor and has a relatively steady income. She knows very little about finances, but she actively learns how to manage what she has and keeps up to date on the latest money news. The day that Rhonda won the lottery was just another Thursday for Jill, the only unique point for her was that she opened a savings accounts with a high APY (we’ll say 1%) and put in $5000.00. A little later she also opened a Roth IRA and puts in the maximum yearly allowance of $6000.00. Along the way she opened a brokerage account of her own and started trading in the stock market along with investing in real estate which has given her some extra income to play with each year. Unfortunately, another housing crash occurs, and all of the money Jill invested into real estate is gone. However, since Jill learned the skills behind her choices early on, she is knowledgeable and understands the ups and downs of the market and how to invest her money in other places in the meantime. And, that High yield savings account accrued around $50 more without her doing anything and she has that to fall back on, or worst case she can take out part of her principal Roth IRA contribution. 10 years from now Jill should start to see a steady increase in her Roth IRA that by retirement will be a little over 1 million and she should be comfortable and invested enough into stocks that she gains around $200-1000 extra each month.

I think you understand why you want to be Jill.

✨HAVING ADEQUATE SAVINGS = BEING YOUR OWN LIFEGUARD✨

As discussed in Pt.1 the first goal you should achieve is securing an emergency fund that could sustain you for a couple of months if things were to ever hit the fan, and starting a retirement fund should be in your top 5 goals to complete. The saying, “the rich get richer” is popular for a reason. Wealthy people know how to make their money work for them instead of them having to work for money. An easy way anyone can do the same is by opening the right accounts for your savings and retirement.

Savings: 

All of your savings should be in a high yield saving account or split between different high yield accounts. This is an account which will reward you some interest every period for having money in your account with them. This is incredibly easy to do. You can either research/ask your bank about their high yield accounts or do some googling to find some other bank. Then transfer your money and there you go! When looking at banks understand that the highest Annual Percent Yields (APY), or the interest they will reward you, are going to be from online banks because they have less operational costs than a brick and mortar, but they will also come with their own disadvantages, like less ATMs to access or the inability to use when outside of your country so make sure to look into that. IMPORTANT: Make sure that whatever bank you choose is FDIC-insured so if the bank were to ever collapse or lose your money you have insurance up to $250,000.This won't generate a lot of extra cash, but an extra $20 every year is better than $0.

Retirement:

These accounts usually go by your current situation and what you see for your future.

401K: Probably the most known (I believe it’s only in the States but there might be something close to it in other countries) and that’s just because this is what employers usually offer if they offer anything. It is a retirement fund that your employer will set up and you can predefine how much of your paycheck you want to automatically go into it every time. Sometimes, the employers will also have a match program, and if they do you better max out the money they will contribute because that is FREE money! Most advice that I have seen has said to really only focus on this fund if your employer has that match program, otherwise I would focus on one of the accounts below. https://www.investopedia.com/articles/retirement/08/401k-info.asp

IRA: An IRA stands for Individual Retirement Account. There are three kinds…

                         Traditional: This IRA lets you put in pre-tax money and lets it grow tax-free until you make a withdrawal. Once you make the withdrawal that money is taxed at the current rate of your income at the time. Your contributions are tax deductible so you can write them off of your taxable income of that year. There are limits to how much you can contribute depending on your income, status, and whether you have another retirement fund as well.

                          Roth: With this IRA your contributions are taxed, but when you withdrawal money later on it is tax free. For those of you in a lower tax bracket than you believe you will be in the future, this IRA makes the most sense as you will pay less taxes now than you will when you are 59 ½ (The official age of retirement in the States). There are limits to how much you can contribute depending on your income, status, and whether you have another retirement fund as well.

                           SEP: Simplified Employee Pension. This is also an employer-based plan and may also work better for my self-employed gals out there. I don’t really know a lot on this one so I’ll just leave a link you can look into if it interests you: https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/102714/how-does-simplified-employee-pension-sep-ira-work.asp

You can have both a traditional and Roth IRA as long as you are eligible for both. Anyone with earned income (with a job or can prove a steady income) can contribute to a Traditional IRA, however with a Roth IRA, as a single you can earn up to $139,000 and contribute. Personally, if you are just getting started with all of this just set up one IRA and as you learn more you can take steps to get another or switch accounts.

https://www.investopedia.com/retirement/roth-vs-traditional-ira-which-is-right-for-you/

There are a plethora of other accounts, but they are more specialized and the top four should get you started on the right path to saving for retirement. I’m guessing that the majority of the audience reading these are women between the ages of 20-30. Trust me when I say that I love to spend money as much as the next girl, but I also would like to be completely comfortable should anything happen in my older years that screws up my marriage or job, and no one is going to secure that for you.

Also, I’m sorry this is so US-based, but once again it is all I know. I believe IRAs are more widespread than a 401K, but all that takes to find out is a Google search on your part.

Either way, make sure you have a plan going into 2021 for your savings and retirement because this economic whirlwind is far from over and there is always a chance for another recession, depression, or disaster. (Wow O, way to keep the mood light)

This was getting way too long with the investments added so look out for Pt.2.2 on the overview for investments (where the actual fun begins and I can stop being such a stick in the mud)…

VOCAB TO KNOW/RESEARCH:

Financial independence

Financial Confidence

APY

Roth IRA

brokerage account

High yield savings account

principal

401K

Traditional IRA

Once again… if in these posts I ever give bad advice, F- something up, or am just generally ignorant PLEASE call me out! Remember that just like you I am a young woman figuring everything out and while I am confident when talking about money, I am by no means a genius (only in spurts) so any chance to learn I appreciate. I hope you all learned something new today and as always…

With Love,

O

[soundsof71]

Hey! Album: 'Fleetwood Mac' (1975) - Fleetwood Mac

Hey! Great to hear from you! You (and your previous blog) were my original inspiration for trying to raise my tumblr game to something intentionally curated, and more than that, personally creative. Sorry to have let you down. LOL

What a pleasure to talk about this one, though, an album I think is -- strangely enough -- one of the most underrated albums in the classic rock pantheon!

What’s that you say? An album with “Rhiannon” and “Landslide” underrated?!?! Well it’s true, seriously underrated, at least partly because those two stellar, nay, legendary songs are the first ones that most people think of. There's so much more! It's definitely my favorite Fleetwood Mac album!

My perspective is a little different than the standard rap that Fleetwood Mac didn't properly begin until those two California kids joined the band in 1975, because to me, they started taking off when their first American joined the band, Bob Welch in 1971 for Future Games, which I wrote about at some length here. 

(For the record, Future Games is my second favorite Fleetwood Mac album. Anyone who hasn't checked it out really needs to.)

I’ll leave it at that for now, except to observe that to most of my music nerd friends at the time, I was a latecomer to Fleetwood Mac the band, having completely missed their earlier, bluesier lineups. Indeed, the 1971 lineup was their 8th! And they'd come to #9 in 1972, before landing on lineup #10 in 1975.

They had a bunch of hits on the five albums in this 71-74 range (”Hypnotized” is one that still slays me) that I think hold up as among their best ever. While the album before Fleetwood Mac, Heroes Are Hard to Find didn’t have a hit single, it rose to #34 on the US charts, and got plenty of attention. 

My point is that Fleetwood Mac didn’t spring into existence out of nowhere in 1975. Nor was 1975 necessarily ground zero for the millions of people who bought the album Fleetwood Mac. It came out in the summer of ‘75, but took 15 months to hit #1 in the US! (It peaked at #11 in the UK.) This was a far bigger album in 1976 when all the singles came out, and the band was touring like crazy to support it.

They basically dragged the album to the top of the charts kicking and screaming by the end of THAT year with relentless touring, setting the stage for their true commercial breakthrough with Rumours in 1977, but artistically? I prefer everything about 1975′s Fleetwood Mac.

btw, the music nerds know that Fleetwood Mac was recorded at Sound City Studios, which makes all the difference in the telling of the tale. In 1974, the band had located to Los Angeles, and following the departure of Bob Welch in December, Mick Fleetwood went looking for both a recording studio and a guitarist. 

While getting to know producer Keith Olsen at Sound City (a studio legendary for its drum sound, among other things), Keith played Mick some tracks from an album he’d recorded here a couple of years earlier with a local guitarist and his girlfriend singer, both of whom were also songwriters.

Mick said, I’ll book the studio to record my next album, I’ll book you to produce, and I’ll hire the guitarist....who famously informed Mick that he and his girlfriend were a package deal. All of this happened because of Sound City Studios.

(Here's Mick recording this very album in this very studio.)

Your friend and mine Dave Grohl directed a FANTASTIC documentary about Sound City Studios, a kind of a dump to be honest, but where tons of phenomenal records were made, from After The Gold Rush to Caribou, Damn The Torpedoes, Nevermind, Rage Against The Machine, and most recently, Phoebe Bridgers’ Punisher. Lots and lots of stories about the making of Fleetwood Mac in this movie, and much more. 

Here’s the trailer. The whole movie is available on YT, too! And Amazon Prime, and a bunch of other places. HIGHLY recommended!

So here we go taking directly about Fleetwood Mac.....

the first song from the album i heard: "Over My Head". This was the first single released in the US, remarkably, four months after the album was released! I dunno, did the label not want to sell any albums? Or did they just not get how catchy these tunes were? I have no idea.

And ironically, the band didn't like the choice of "Over My Head" at all, ranking it dead-last in their own considerations of likely singles! I think that this is evidence that they were using heavy drugs much earlier than we thought. LOL

"Over My Head" peaked at #20 in the US, their highest to date by far, although, in some defense of the band's reservations, didn't chart at all in the UK. Saying that it rose to "only" 20 in the charts doesn't begin to describe how heavily it was played, though. A LOT.

do i own the album: Did then, Spotify now. The answer for most of the albums in this round of Asks. :-)

my favorite song: "Over My Head". Look, I admit that this is insane when Fleetwood Mac also includes "Landslide" and "Rhiannon." "Landslide" in particular is maybe one of the greatest songs anyone has ever written, and every single person reading this knows somebody named Rhiannon because of that song. (I've met two.) And hey, "Say You Love Me" was a MUCH bigger hit at the time too... but I'm tellin' ya, "Over My Head" fucks. 

It's the single version that fucks hardest, though, no doubt about it. I was disappointed when I finally bought the album that the version there fades in (NO! THIS IS WRONG) and has a wide mix that diffuses the impact. The radio version is so tight that it's practically mono, and it punches you right upside the head. 

One of my favorite things about listening to "Over My Head" in the past couple of weeks for this Ask is that it's Old School Fleetwood Mac. Chris on piano, Mick on drums, and John McVie with what might be the best bassline that anyone stroked out in 1975. My god, it's a fucking monster, and it just gets hotter as the song progresses. By the end, it's on fire, and you hear it so much better in this tight single mix.

The new guy adds a nice little solo on top of a nice rhythm lick, and he and Stevie add background vocals, but they're not front and center. "Over My Head" is really Christine McVie's showcase, although Fleetwood and Mac really shine too. This would have been a monster hit without the new kids, as indeed it pretty much was. You could say the same thing about "Say You Love Me", which is also all about Christine's songcraft, and a voice like no other, then or now.

Here's my edit of a lovely Mick Putland photo of Christine McVie from a couple of years earlier.

I guarantee that it's been way too long since you heard the in-your-face single version of "Over My Head". On Spotify, you can find it on the couple of Deluxe Editions of Fleetwood Mac (here's one), and it's also on the anthology, The Very Best of Fleetwood Mac, which I've embedded here. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw-lIt1ILzk

least favorite song: "I'm So Afraid." I'm so afraid not. LOL

a song I didn’t like at first, but now do: Hmm, I might put "Sugar Daddy" in that category, but honestly, the main thing I don't like about this song is the title. LOL But it's the 4th best Christine McVie song on an album where the best three of hers were all released as singles, so I guess it all works out.

a song I used to like, but now don’t: Anything by the new guy. I'm not going to go into detail here because what I love about this album, I still love. At the time, I dug two of his songs here (you can guess which two, surely), but I started to really despise this guy a few years later. Now, I can't listen to anything where he's prominent at all, on any Fleetwood Mac records.

Fortunately there are more than enough Christine and Stevie songs, and Mick and John's playing, plus all those earlier albums like Future Games, to keep Fleetwood Mac in the rock good pantheon. I'd have fired the new guy 30 years earlier than he was. 

favorite lyric:

Mirror in the sky

What is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changin'

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older too

Like I said, the two Stevie Nicks tracks on Fleetwood Mac deserve every bit of the love they've gotten over the years. You can also see with just a quick glance around my blog that she's one of my most-posted artists. Please don't take me repping Christine as any disrespect for Stevie!

Do I like "Landslide" a little more than I otherwise might because it's specifically about outgrowing the aforementioned new guy? Maybe.  Or do I like it a little less than I otherwise might because I can't hear it without thinking of him? Maybe that too.

overall rating out of 10: Then: 9.4. Now: 9. The new guy went 2-for-4 for my money at the time, and the two that he whiffed on are genuinely terrible...but as bad as those two clunkers were, the rest of the album seemed perfect to me. Certainly among my most-played mainstream rock records into the early 80s. I was perfectly fine skipping one song on each side.

Even though nowadays I can't stand any of the songs he sings lead on, you take those off, and you STILL have "Landslide", "Rhiannon", "Say You Love Me", "Over My Head", and "Warm Ways". No album with ALL THOSE on them gets less than an 8.5, right?

I'm adding a few tenths each for how tightly Fleetwood and Mac are locked into each other and these songs on rythm (easily the most underrated duo of the era, sez me), and Keith Olsen's immaculate production. The score of 9 is therefore objectively correct and mathematically unassailable. LOL

I'm going to end where I began, by talking about Christine McVie. Instead of listening to this first and foremost as an album with a couple of giant Stevie Nicks songs, listen again to Fleetwood Mac as Christine McVie really lighting things up. She deserves so much more credit for the band's success than she gets, and seriously, "Over My Head" fucks. 

Now looky here, @aluacrescente . I know that YOU have strong feelings about this record, so spill! And the rest of you, too! I don't intend to have the last word on the albums in any of these Asks! Just the first one. :-) So lemme know what YOU think!

PS. Apologies for any formatting weirdness! I started this on desktop, where I do all my writing, saved the first few paragraphs to come back to later, only to be told by tumblr that I'd stated this on the app (DID NOT) and could only edit there. Grrr. Not cool, @staff. I've spent another day just tweaking to make it somewhat readable and wondering how these people can be so bad at their jobs. LOL

My crackpot opinions and wobbly writing are my own of course, and I'm aware that they have a larger negative impact on readability than tumblr's incompetence by far. LOL

[wychive]

𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic 

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn​ !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph)  sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol  im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:) 

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3 

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?  

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me.. 

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you. 

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people. 

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them. 

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog. 

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine. 

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were. 

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar. 

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio​ , @neo-shitty​

reply to be in my gen taglist!

[stray-tori]

TPN Vol 8 - Chapters 66-70 Thoughts

[we're already on vol 9 but I'm slow with compiling]

I know I always rag on the "cop out" deaths and it is true that no corpse no dead, and I am curious if there will be any more worldbuilding regarding Lucas' survival (hello deus ex machina person) but uh. Idk. I'm sure it has a point and it makes sense in universe (having him be the reason for the knowledge among GP kids is good) but it just feels a little. Eh. Like it feels like paddling back on a small part of geezers guilt and feelings. In part it also feels like a "reward" for choosing the heroes moral side and going to help save Emma (why ever that happened - ig bc Gilda would blow up the shelter if he doesn't so. YAY).

...

Obviously the development is still his, and he obviously isn't expecting to find anyone alive there, but ig i felt like he was leading up to... healing more through the kids and not one epic Emma speech and "oh your one friend is alive btw" reveal later on. It feels like a spark of hope and happiness for him that I'm not sure if was needed narratively. He already decided he wouldn't harm them.

Like maybe they handle it very differently so i might be jumping the gun here but idk. It just feels a little... weird to me. Probably in a similar way how speeches about Norman hurt but also kind of get that "well uh about that...." Air once you know. I feel for the characters and their separation but it doesn't have the same weight it could have anymore.

In theory it reminds me a bit of the whole gate reveal structure in s2. With a setup being built up or established and a reveal just going "nvm that's not what we're doing".

It makes sense, I'm just not a huge fan of what it does for me for previously established things.

But i guess writing wise it puts its cards on the table with small scale Lucas and then Norman haha.

.

I find it rly funny how much the arc sort of mirrors the s2 arc so far (character assumed dead is alive, new cast of demon kill children introduced, a plan to kill demons).

Ig that might be intentional, for all intents it's a good method of conveying character change. Or different specifics or how things might be judged differently with different specifics (like hunting for enjoyment vs. farming)

I'm totally jumping in on this too early but idk it's interesting to think about.

That and also our whole "There's someone I want you to meet" - "ITS NORMAN" jokes made me think, like you could probably ACTUALLY restructure some of this in a way that would allow Norman's return here instead lol. Could be a fun AU, esp since we have the seeds of a (small-scale) demon annihilation plan anyway.

I also just find it funny to think about Norman grumbling from his future self that Emma agreed to some random guy's plan so easily udkhjsd

Obviously the time is a bit of a mess -- it's only been 3 months? is Adam out bc Norman's escaped already or was Adam just shipped to GP? if he already escaped, our boy is quick - plus, why would he go to GP. the supporters in Lambda probably know it's been compromised, so aside from freeing the children, there isn't a lot of reason to go there and while that may have priority, I feel like 3 months is a bit of a short timeframe for Norman to settle in there well enough -- so it's more wonky than anything BUT IT'S FUN TO THINK ABOUT.

.

btw I find it so funny how Emma has that whole "intent to kill" thing going on now, considering her later moral stance - like it's fair but coming from s2 it's a bit of whiplash haha especially since she's so determined about it right from the start. (though I have no idea if she ever addressed killing demons before this, memory bad)

Though notably she said "she wants to shut down the hunting ground too", not "want to kill them too" - and it's good that she draws a line but IDK IT'S JUST INTERESTING because what bothers her is the toying / no respect for their lives, right? - "this kind of hunt", not hunting in general.

... so like, if you were hunted by a demon in the wild, who didn't toy with you, just killed and ate you, that would be fine then? Idk, it's a very fine line and I get it, but it's interesting to think about. A quick, suffer-less death is of course a valid thing to want if you will die anyway, but you're dead afterwards in both variants.

Of course maybe I'm reading it wrong and it's just her sort of realizing that between mass production farms and GP, they really did have it good, even if they died an early death, and how this is much more hate-worthy than GF's method. Which is true, I suppose, and might expand on the building blocks of her moral development down the line (as in "there's different stages of demon-badness").

.

Also a more funny thought but imagine if Lucas DID have the pen, would... Geezer-senpai just not find the way back? And even if he did would he even get into the bunker? That'd be one tragic ending pff. Tell the person to run away and they can't even go back inside sudhdjd

.

Also i thought about it and isn't it weird that none of the books or materials mentioned what goldy pond actually is? Like youd expect sth that important to be in there.

We know WM wasn't at the bunker in the last 13 years and we know that the books he supplied to GF, the newest one was 2015. What if he was discovered or had to limit his WM activity 30 years ago?

So 30 years ago, he still sent people to goldy pond.

I'm just realizing.... That totally sounds like a setup for minerva to actually be on the demons side or a demon himself sjdhjddj. Like he orchestrates escapees (who are likely to be smart) and then sends them to GP where he and his noble friends can hunt them.

But where i was actually going with this uh, what if GP 30 years ago (potentially longer depending on how long ago he was there last) wasn't actually a hunting a ground? Why would you send kids there without a warning otherwise? What if it WAS a small human community (tho that would likely have been passed around by the inhabitants) or it was at least WM supporter base like the bunker, intended for humans to live there. Not sure about mansion then but YKNOW.

If it was, i wonder if it being discovered was a huge part in WM cover being blown OR if the demons decided to keep it secret bc you know this place is rly convinient haha

I also wonder how wm even finds and builds all these underground things lol. Bc it can't have existed since before the world split i think?

Man has some big construction projects running pfff.

I'm also not sure how that underground thing works-

.

its tori is confused about minor things hour

[Emma takes the axe with right hand, her right hand is still behind her as if she was winding up, but the axe is already thrown?]

like if she had the axe still in hand it'd make sense or if it was in her hand AND spinning, it'd be like "2 frames".

but this?? i am just-

.

im rly late with this but the glove is Lucas' memorial. the pair will only be together again when they reunite :<<

what I want to know is HOW. like the John thing is already questionable but I guess he could have gone back again?? but with this.

he has both gloves when they part he still have one glove on when his arm is gone. but the arm Leuvis has, doesn't have a glove?? So either Leuvis took it off but i wouldn't know why, and just dropped it on the ground for geezer to come pick up ORRRR he took one off for some reason?? maybe he threw it at the demon pff something is very un-continous here and i need answers-

.

the duality of man... not wanting people to know a) your age and b) your name (which you may have forgotten, who knows)

we just assumed geezer's name is censored here but I guess it could be anything haha-

[ohnobjyx]

you answer about celebrities being prudent with dating got me curious as western boys in bands, especially in the rock/alternative/rap scene, seem to have a reputation for dating/sleeping around a lot, do asian idols just not date/sleep around a lot or are they just better at hiding it because they are expected to?

Hi, anon! I’m slowly working through all the asks, but I remembered yours when I was watching this week hotpot episode from SDoC S3 (I’m wondering if I should write a post compiling all the candies, but I have so many asks pending).

To start with the answer, let’s put the disclaimer first: I don’t know celebrities, I’m a simple fan just like all of us. Whatever they do in their private life it’s their own thing, and I just simply try to place an objective view of their situation here.

Just a clarification: when we talk about idol or celebrity, I’m talking about those that are pretty successful in the industry (with their number of fans ranking in the millions). These are the tip of the iceberg in the industry however. The bulk of them have less fans, but are also less subjected to scrutiny by the public.

1. First of all they are prudent because it isn’t widely accepted as “good” that people date/sleep around a lot, especially among the older generations. However, many young people also feel that it’s unacceptable, and their opinions may vary from “they must be very promiscuous or they flicker a lot” to “if they haven’t been able to keep a relationship for long, there must be a problem with this person”.

2. We’ve already talked about the fact that celebrities are expected to uphold a clear and good moral example for their fans. They’ll be heavily criticized if they do things that aren’t socially approved, and it’ll impact negatively on their work prospects. So, I suppose that in the case any celebrity did date/sleep around, they’d have to be masters at hiding their “affairs”.

Let’s just imagine how a male idol’s gf fans (the type of fans that fantasize being their idol’s gf) would react if their idol publicly dated around with many girls. I don’t think that would end well.

3. Like I said at the beginning, I’m going to talk about those idols and celebrities that have more success in the industry.

So, when we talk about dating/sleeping around, there’s something that we can’t ignore: time.

I don’t know about the workload of the boy bands (especially, as you said, in the rock/alternative/rap scene) but the workload of an Asian idol is terrifying.

Let me show you a few examples:

a. Even before he debuted in the boy band, dd spent almost everyday hours dancing, no free weekends and barely vacations, since he was 13 and entered the company. As a child, he got myocarditis when he was learning to dance. As soon as he got discharged, he went back to dancing, and spent his summer vacations (just a month in China, btw, August) dancing from 1 pm to 9 pm everyday, to recover the lost ground (this really was a test for his love for dancing, but just imagine it: he could do 8 hours a day just because he liked it, how many hours would he pull when pressed by the company?)

b. To anyone unfamiliar with Asian culture, the Lunar New Year’s Eve is the most important celebration in Asian culture, a night when family gathers together to celebrate the arrival of the new year. Asian idols usually are full of work, even that same night, so they almost never spend the New Year’s Eve with their families. A famed actress (in her fifties), once said in a program: “my father died last year... and one of the things I regret the most is that I haven’t spent a single New Year’s Eve with him in the last 20 years”.

c. In 2015, a year after his debut with Uniq, dd posted on w/ibo: “Just another year that I can’t be with my parents on New Year’s Eve... just a little sad” (and from what I know, he hadn’t spent a single New Year’s Eve at home since his debut).

d. I don’t know if any of you are familiar with Running Man, another c-variety show that’s very popular in China (I recommended it, btw). They did a night-life special last year, and when the director announced the theme (that they’d start filming by 4 pm and continue through the night), the host were like “just that?”:

“Then like our usual jobs”, “I can stay awake longer than an owl”, “I’m also good at spending all-nighters”.

One of them actually said: it seems that they don’t really get what an actor’s job is... everyone say how many days and nights have you gone by without sleeping in you busiest times? Angelababy (that’s her stage name, yes): “When I was a model... I really spent  three days and three nights   without a single moment of sleep.” Li Chen: “Before I came here to film yesterday, I spent 4 days filming night scenes for my drama, so 4 nights without sleep.”

Song Yuqi: “If we count sleeping an hour a day... I went a full week without a full night of sleep. Yesterday was the longest I’ve been sleeping in the last month”.

Their attitude is what surprises me the most, to be honest... It’s like, “of course we would spend a whole night awake, no problem!”

e. One of the previous hosts from this show once said that from his daughter’s birth to her first birthday the amount of time he spent with her totalled to three months.

4. I actually remembered your ask yesterday when I was watching the hotpot episode because of this:

The hosts mentioned getting back at their hotels after filming at 6 am (I think they had been filming the episode during the day and most of the night, and wanted to film a part of the dance using the first daylight). Actually, dd was talking about ZYX making noise in his room practicing dance moves at 6 am (wtf dude, you just pulled an all-nighter, please sleep).

There was a stalker photo of dd taken at 3 am when dd was coming out of the filming site for SDoC S3, one of the other day (just imagine it: you’re leaving the workplace, after a hard day of work, and instead of getting into the car peacefully you have to escape from these people). 

This kind of workload is insane. When they aren’t filming, they are travelling to filming sites, filming tv shows episodes, filming commercials, doing interviews, photoshoots, practicing whatever show is coming up next, reading scripts, and a long list of things they do. Almost without a single moment to rest.

I remember an interview of another actor, in which he said that if he had a free moment in his schedule or a free day, he spent it sleeping and talking with his family.

I’m not saying that with this kind of schedule keeping a relationship is absolutely impossible, but it resembles greatly a long distance relationship, no matter where your home actually is. So dating around a lot is quite of... difficult? (at least in my opinion). And about sleeping around... maybe it’s just me, but if I had a free night with their workload... I’d pass out as soon as I was in my room, and that’s all the sleeping I can envision.

(Btw, this kind of work pace is a trend in China. I've been told that it’s actually common to have surgeons doing 36-hour shifts... here I was thinking that 24h shifts were outrageous).

5. However, it’s not impossible. It wasn’t so long ago that a scandal got out about an actor who was married and with an adult son AND still had time to keep a mistress.

I hope I haven’t rambled too much, anon, and that you find my answer useful!

Edit (thanks to @gremlin-02!): “you're missing the part about propaganda. chinese idols have to hold up "chinese culture/good morals/examples of good citizens" they are not gonna be promoting a play boy idol since it "corrupts" the family values and state system.”

You are absolutely right, and it’s also a point that supports the second part of this post. We tend to forget about it, but the national propaganda has shaped the country from its core. Without it, the country would be very different today. Not better or worse, just... different, since propaganda, for all its bad reputation, has played a large part in their economic growth and their position in the world economy today.

[ladynestaarcheron]

Like Pristine Glass - Chapter Eighteen

ao3 - ff.net - masterpost

(tagging these cuties: @humanexile @skychild29 @rhysandsdarlingfeyre @candid-confetti  @rhysandsrightknee @missing-merlin @azriels-forgotten-shadow @books-and-cocos @sezkins79 @city-of-fae @someonemagical @dusty-lightbulb @messyhairday-me @rinad307 @superspiritfestival )

so, i recalled earlier this week that in canon, showers don't exist. you might be thinking, hey lior zoë, what are you talking about? allow me to refresh your memory. in acowar, nesta confesses to feyre in front of the inner circle that her ptsd is triggered by taking baths, because of the cauldron. so she has to bathe in buckets. feyre assures her that they will come up with some contraption that will allow her to clean herself some other way. in the snippet from the end of acofas (which we now know is called A Court of Silver Flames, btw!!), nesta mentions her ability to slip into a bath is huge progress. so presumably, feyre has not given her this contraption. i think about this all the time, because the idea of a superior race with all the magic in the world not having ever invented showers is so supremely stupid to me. however, it has come to my attention that on two occasions I have forgotten this, and mentioned showers in previous chapters of lpg. i have elected to continue ignoring this and in the future will continue to reference showers. but in accordance with the rules of the game, I can no longer call this fic canon compliant AU. henceforth, this fic is a showers exits!AU and nothing more.

enjoy.

---

February 9 - 4 years after

The last of Sugar Valley's snow melts in early February, and as mid-month nears, the weather almost looks warm outside. Of course, it is still plenty cold, so every morning brings a new argument on whether or not Avery has to wear her coat, which sparks an identical one with Nicky.

Nesta takes a deep breath. "All right, Avery," she says. "Stand outside for one whole minute without your coat. Just on the porch. Yes, you too, Nicky."

"I want Ollie to come too," Avery demands.

"No, Ollie doesn't want to stand in the cold without a coat. There you go. Your minute starts...now."

Nesta watches the two of them stand on the front porch, Nicky enjoying himself like it is a game and Avery, cross and stubborn, glaring at her.

Ollie sits on the floor next to the door, working on putting his boots on by himself. He's quiet except for slight whispers as he coaches himself on how to tie his laces.

"Had enough?" Nesta calls.

"I'm cold, Mummy."

"Well, come inside and put on your coat, then," Nesta says, doing her absolute best to keep her voice even.

Nicky does, but Avery remains outside, scowling.

Nesta takes a deep, shaky breath. "Avery," she says. "I can see you're shivering."

Avery stomps her foot. "I am not."

Nesta closes her eyes. "All right," she says. It's far too early in the day to choose a hill to die on. "Let's just walk to nursery, then."

Nesta wraps Avery's coat inside hers—she can't hold it normally, for if Avery sees it, she'll throw a fit. She fastens her buckle tightly, so the smaller coat won't slip down her body and she can still use both her hands to hold onto her children.

But Avery doesn't want to hold hands today.

Eventually, she manages to get all three of them to nursery, with Avery in her sour mood the whole way, Ollie keeping to himself as much as possible, and Nicky blissfully unaware of both his sister's and his mother's irritation.

She sneaks the coat into their teacher's hands and leaves after only two quick kisses goodbye—Avery has joined her friend Emilia in a game and refuses to pay Nesta any mind at all.

So Nesta scowls on her way to start her day, too. Perhaps even more than usual, for Maz ducks behind a bookshelf as soon as he sees her.

"How have you scared him off already?" Zeyn asks, laughingly, from behind her.

Nesta whips around. "All I did was walk in here!" She can't help her outburst. She doesn't have many outlets. She'll take what she can get.

But Zeyn is rather used to this, and his easy-going personality never falters. "Woah," he says, holding his hands up. "Coffee's in the back room. Come with me."

She'd like to stew in her misery for a bit longer, actually, but Zeyn doesn't let her, pushing her along and sitting her down in a chair.

"Is it the workload?" he asks her. "I know you've been taking the brunt of those Prythian writers..."

"It's all of it, Zeyn," Nesta says, dejected. "It's the writers and my regular workload and Avery's going through this phase...and Ollie's being quieter than usual and I think his lungs are part of the reason, really..."

And she doesn't say it to him, but it's Cassian, too. Not that he's done anything wrong, it's just...he's been in the Night Court all week, and she has grown so used to having him around. And now it feels like everything has been dumped upon her alone. Pairing this with that "paperwork" that Amorette had started doing, which is shaping up to be a huge opportunity for her in Ciyaluck...Nesta's never felt more burdened in her life.

"At least Nicky's still singing to himself," she says miserably.

"Ava's not exactly depressed, Nesta," Zeyn says, teasing slightly.

"I think she hates me now."

"She doesn't! Like you said, it's just a phase."

"It's not..." Nesta swallows. "It's just a lot."

And now she can't even share with him, because...well...it feels too weird. She and Cassian have been co-parenting for months now. She's been slowly easing Zeyn out of conversations like this, and to suddenly talk about something as intimate as her relationship with her daughter with such brazenness...it feels wrong to be talking to anyone else this way.

But that isn't right. She still loves Zeyn. He still helped her with the children so much when they were born, when she was pregnant.

"It feels a lot to handle sometimes," she says finally.

Zeyn cups her face with his hand. His eyes, warm as ever, twinkle at her. "You don't have to handle it alone," he promises, voice sweet.

She summons a smile. "Is that an offer to edit these short stories I just got?"

Her ill attempt at humor works. He laughs and breaks apart. "Count on it."

---

February 3 - 1 year after

It was a good thing Adil had found her a house when he did, because the deals with the bank and with Erest, the councilhead, were finalized just as Nesta grew to be too big to fit through the door of her room at the inn.

Nesta had actually been looking forward to her second trimester, because of the promise of not greeting every morning with violent illness, and then crumpling up in a heap on the bathroom floor.

But it seemed that the first day she had awoken to find all she had eaten before going to bed yesterday had successfully stayed down, was also the day she thought she would not be able to get out of bed on her own. While it was true—in her case, at least—that the fourth month of pregnancy brought with it the energy that had all but disappeared completely these past few months, it wasn't much use if she was too heavy to handle herself.

Amorette, her healer, was pleased to note every pound Nesta gained. She had been worried, at first, having heard tell of females unable to produce enough space and nutrition for multiples and losing all of them, one after the other, but Nesta was having no such troubles. She—and Miri—had assured her that she did not look to be the same size as her new two-story house, though.

(There was some concern about the size of one of the triplets, a male, significantly smaller than the other two, but Amorette said as long as they were keeping an eye on it all, they should be fine.)

"Right, then," Adil said, coming down the stairs of the house. "You should be set for now. Placeholders," he added, nodding towards the blue couch in the living room and other items that graced Nesta's sparse new home. "Until we can...get some..." he trailed off, looking around, perhaps doing more measuring in his head.

"You've done more than enough," Nesta said firmly. While pregnancy had not been kind to her over the last month, Adil certainly had, helping her with everything she could possibly think to need. Miri as well. And Zeyn...well, Nesta could never really tell if he was more irritating than helpful, but he was there, too.

"Got the cribs set up, room next to yours. Didn't paint the room, though..."

Nesta could hardly believe it. "What?"

Adil looked as startled as she felt. "Well, Miri said it was important for you to paint it. Nesta...?"

"Nesting," Miri called from the kitchen.

"Right."

"No, no, it's not that. I just..."

I just forgot I'd need cribs.

"...didn't realize you had bought me cribs. That's—that's too kind."

"Gift from the shop," he grunted, looking away. That was fine. Nesta didn't want to make eye contact either. "Well, we'll be on our way."

Miri came out of the kitchen. "I've got some meals ready for you in there, dear."

"Oh, thank you, Miri. You didn't have to do that."

"Oh, please. We'll see you tomorrow, dear."

"Thank you," she said again, to them both, as she walked them out.

The sound she made when she shut the door was between a sigh and a groan. Endless relief and gratitude that she finally—finally, for the first time in her life, had her own home. And the dawning realization that it would not be hers alone in a few short months.

Or would it? Nesta didn't remember deciding she was going to keep the triplets, only that she wasn't terminating the pregnancy. Were those her children stretching out her insides, she wondered, running her hands over her belly as she stared in the mirror? Or was she just holding them for someone?

That was something she needed to figure out. Before Cassian wrote back, at least.

She tried not to think about how he hadn't written back yet. Perhaps he was still...upset. But he would, eventually, and then she...they would...what?

Less than five months to go...and with the average duration of a triplet pregnancy being far less than the typical nine months, probably not even that. Whatever decision she was going to make, she had to make it soon.

---

February 18 - Year of

Nesta never thought the sight of Cassian's house in their camp would bring her so much relief. But it meant that trip was finally over.

"I've got to shower," she said, as soon as she walked in the door. "I have to get all of that place off of me."

"What was so bad about it?" he called after her, but she didn't stop to answer.

That camp wasn't so terribly different from this one, true. In fact, it was uncannily similar, as she had noted when they first arrived there. But the people were different. There was no love lost between all the townspeople here (save Cassian and Emerie) and Nesta, but she had not missed being looked at that way. Hated...feared.

She hadn't minded really, in that room. And she could admit to herself here, alone in the shower, that she even...enjoyed some of it. The parts where she spent all her waking hours with Cassian, and even when there were other people in the room, she wasn't sharing him.

Nesta had never been someone's first choice. No one had ever placed her at the height of their priorities, given themselves to her first and foremost. And that still wasn't what was happening. They had only gone because Cassian was General Commander—sworn to her sister and Rhysand and the people of the Night Court first.

But all that had seemed far away on this trip. It was so easy to pretend like none of that was real.

Even then, she knew the illusion couldn't last that long.

---

February 26 - 1 year after

Days seemed to go by quicker now. What with her new house, Nesta felt she had more freedom to go about the town as she pleased. She was so taken with living life as she saw fit, she didn't even mind that Sugar Valley really didn't have much to do. She thought she might prefer it that way.

In the mornings, she would walk to the bookstore, and someone would be waiting with a coffee for her. Zeyn or Miri or sometimes Leyla. Perhaps they worked in shifts.

She'd read and repair all day, and stop to eat lunch with everyone at half past noon. There hadn't been a collective lunch break when she had started, but one day she sat down with a large container of chicken salad, and Zeyn had sat himself next to her, and then Leyla had joined, and Maz followed her, along with Xeyale and Amir, and Miri had come to see what the gathering was about, and then Adil had wandered in after her. Sometimes their publishing agent, Hazar, stopped by and joined them.

Sometimes she'd leave in the afternoon for a visit with Amorette. In the evenings, she'd go home and fix herself dinner, which she liked to do alone.

But after that, she'd go for a walk about the town, and inexplicably, someone would be there. Most often Zeyn.

"So, you think of any names yet?" he said to her one night, as they walked.

Nesta popped a sugarberry into her mouth. "Names?"

"For the babies."

Nesta flinched. "No."

"Oh, do you think it's bad luck to talk about it? Some people do. My mother's that way."

"I don't believe in luck," she said. Luck was so faerie, like their pantheon of gods and fate and mates. None of that was real. Not real enough to matter, anyway.

Zeyn laughed. "That must be nice."

She didn't think it was. He laughed at everything, didn't he? Nesta would never be that way.

"So, do you need any help? With the names?"

"Did you have some you wanted to share?" she asked drily.

"ZJ," he said immediately.

"ZJ? Zeyn Junior?"

He grinned at her. "Got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

She summoned a weak smile. Where she was from, someone was only a Junior if they had taken their parent's name.

"Zahra's pretty popular for a girl," he continued, unaware of her thoughts. "I think it's pretty."

"I don't think I want a Gilameyvan name, though," she mused. And she certainly shouldn't choose a name if she wasn't sure she wanted to keep the children.

"What's popular in Prythian, then?"

"I don't know," she said shortly. Then, after considering it for a few moments, "I'm from south of Prythian."

"What's popular there? Is Nesta a common name?"

"Hardly," she scoffed. Feyre wasn't, either. They did know their fair share of Elains, though. "I guess...Heather? Joyly? Analynn?"

"Joyly's nice."

"Well, I didn't like any of the Joylys I knew."

"What about boy names?"

Nesta thought. "Well...Caleb, I guess. Elias." She didn't remember many boys she had known. Tomas, of course, but she wasn't going to name anyone after him. "Actually," she said, softly, "I did always like my father's name."

He touched her elbow gently. "What was his name?"

"Ollison," she said. She hurried to find something else to say. She certainly didn't want to talk about her father. "I like Avery for a girl. A book I liked when I was younger...the heroine was called Avery."

"Human-authored?"

"Yes."

"Maybe we can find it," he said. "How do you know so many human-authored books anyway?"

So Adil hadn't mentioned her slight stretch of truth. "I lived among them for many years," she said.

"Wow, really? What were they like?"

"They were normal," she answered, irritated by the question.

"Really, even to a High Fae?"

Oh. That was why he asked. How to answer?

"Friendships and love can transcend race," she said, thinking of her sister and her new family. Herself and...

"You loved some of them."

After a lengthy pause, Nesta said, "I did. Very much."

---

February 11 - 4 years after

Avery's poor attitude does not transfer towards her behavior at nursery, according to her teacher, and while Nesta supposes she should be glad of this, she finds she's only upset that it seems to be just her Avery has a problem with.

This is further worsened by her shrieks of delight when Cassian accompanies her to pick them up that afternoon.

Avery races towards him like she hasn't seen him in months—even though Cassian had arrived last night, and they had all eaten breakfast together.

Cassian doesn't seem to notice Nesta's disgruntlement, and laughs as he picks Avery up into his arms. Nicky and Ollie clamber at his legs, and he scoops them up too.

Nesta keeps her eye roll to herself as she takes their bags. Not Avery's coat, though—because at Cassian's request, she had elected to wear hers today.

At least Nicky says, "Mummy, I missed you so much today!" and Ollie nods along eagerly.

"Can we go to the park?" Avery asks.

"You know the rules, Ava," Cassian says sternly, as they leave. "We go home and eat first."

Avery pouts some, and Nesta's blood rushes to her cheeks—is she going to throw a tantrum? Oddly, the idea of a public fit doesn't faze Nesta at all, as the three of them have each had their fair share, but having Cassian see how incompetent she can be mortifies her beyond belief.

But he coaxes her out of it by promising they're going to go to the park later, and actually, they're going to cook something together to eat, and won't that be fun?

Nesta has been hiding her bitterness from her children their whole lives, so this one afternoon is hardly the one that kills her. But she takes extra care to keep up cheery pretenses because of Cassian's presence, and she's convinced she's done a good job of it, because he doesn't seem to notice anything's the matter at all.

At least, she doesn't think he does, but right after they shut the door to the children's room, he puts his arm over her shoulder, and—when they are safely out of earshot, in the kitchen—says, "Nesta, what's wrong? You've been miserable all day."

"I have not been miserable all day," she scoffs, trying to hide her flush with a glare.

"Come on, Nesta. What is it? Is it Ava? Kids act like that all the time."

"I know how children act," she snaps.

"I didn't mean to imply you don't," he says. "Just...trying to reassure you." He hesitates. "Nesta...Rhys and Az and Mor each told me that you're a wonderful mother."

"What a surprise that must have been."

"To them, maybe, but not to me," he says seriously. "I always knew. But it's okay if this is hard for you to do on your own. With Ava and with everything you've had to take on at work...and, you know, if anything else has been pressuring you..." he trails off, and when she doesn't show any sign she knows what he's talking about, his lips tug upwards slightly, and he adds, "If I've been pressuring you."

"You have not been pressuring me," she says automatically.

"Well, I hope you're lying," he says, "because I've certainly tried to."

Nesta rolls her eyes.

"You really haven't thought about my telling you I want us to be a family?" he asks, skeptical. "I don't believe you. Come on, Nesta, it's just me. You can tell me."

Nesta gives a short, irritated sigh. "Well, of course I've thought about it."

"And what?" He takes a step closer to her. "You haven't come up with an answer yet?" He puts his hands on her shoulders, smirking slightly.

He's...he's much closer now. And his wings aren't spread wide, but inching closer to her as well. Blocking out everything in her periphery, so he is all she can see. "I have."

He raises an eyebrow. This is unnatural, isn't it, being this close without actually touching? "And?"

His eyes—like Avery's, like Ollie's, like a dark honey disappearing into the black of his pupils. It takes her a minute to remember what he's talking about. "Oh," she says, slightly surprised to remember. "Well. Of course I want us to be a family." She doesn't get a chance to say anything else.

Because then he is kissing her, and it's like no time has passed. His hands circling her waist and hers taking their place in his hair. He tastes the same—that vague lemon and mint. His hair is a bit longer, but the growling sound from the back of his throat when she pulls it is just as she remembers. It's what spurs him onward, downward. His lips move to the side of her mouth, and he kisses down her neck, but she pulls him back upwards. It's been too long. She has waited so long for this.

And it appears she'll have to wait a while longer, because just as their hands start to roam, a small voice from the stairwell calls, "Mummy, my throat is really hurting a lot."

They rip apart. Cassian's eyes are wide, and he snaps his wings backwards to be tucked against his back.

Nesta whips around, hands furiously smothering her hair—just in time to see Ollie wobble into the kitchen.

He hasn't seen.

The pair of them breathe a sigh of relief together.

Then Nesta remembers what he said. "Your throat hurts, angel? Come here." She picks him up and holds him against her. He lays his head on her shoulder and coughs, wet and deep.

"It's been back," Nesta whispers to Cassian. To Ollie she says, "Do you feel like you need to take the purple medicine we got from the healer?"

Ollie nods, yawning.

"It's in that cabinet there," she says to Cassian. She takes a deep breath to calm herself so she can calm him. "We're going to take a little bit of medicine. We're going to practice our deep breaths over the steaming bowl, and first thing tomorrow we are going to see our friend Healer Nazrin. All right, angel?" She looks at Cassian when she speaks, and he nods along with Ollie.

After she directs Cassian on how much of the tonic to give Ollie, she says, "Now, why don't you go with Appa and sit on the couch, and Mummy will bring the steaming bowl?"

This is not the first time Ollie has woken up in the middle of the night complaining of throat or chest pains and a cough. Nesta's not overly terrified; in fact, she's even pleased to see he is old enough to tell her exactly what hurts and that he wants medicine. But she knows that for Cassian, this is the first time, and he is probably as scared as she was. So sitting with him for a moment alone on the couch while she takes care of the treatment will probably calm him down.

And give her just a few seconds to collect herself. There is far too much on her plate. She doesn't need anything extra to deal with now.

---

hope you enjoyed that!!

also, did you know, i started a booktube? also also did you know, june 21st as this week and it’s the triplets’ birthday? also also also did you know, june 25th is tomorrow and that’s my birthday!!

thank you all so much for the overwhelming support. i just love you guys so much. i also love @thestarwhowishes, my beta.

---

Chapter Nineteen

[that-little-bisexual-mess]

HPHM MC Fanfiction: ‘Ada’s Adventures Series’. Part 1 : September 1st, 1984. Chapter 1 : The departure.

[So, guys, this is it. I’m finally jumping into the other side of the Fanfiction World. Always a reader, now a new writer. I’m beginning this hopefully amazing journey with a first little story about Ada’s first day at Hogwarts (For the people who don’t know Ada, here is the link to her profile template : here. And here is a link to her mother’s profile template, who is important in this chapter : here).This first part of ‘Ada’s Adventures Series’ is going to retrace this very important day in Ada’s life. And the first chapter of this first part is focusing on the moment between she wakes up and the moment she goes on the Hogwarts Express. Over the last few weeks I started to developp a lot about Ada’s full story and her family history and all that. So, writing fanfictions about her felt like the next natural step. I’m also planning to write about other members of her family. I can’t wait for you to read it, if you like that kind of stuff. Little notes tho : I’m a baby writer, so it might not be very good. If you have any advice, can you please tell me what is good and what is not so I can improve myself? Also, English is not my native language, so, if you see any mistakes, sorry about that (I’m french, and btw there are tiny little french stuff in this fic, I wanted to add some French heritage, in the language mostly, since Ada’s has French blood on her mother’s side and her mother, her brother, Jacob, and herself are fluent in french. So I hope it’s a good little addition). ANYWAY, without further ado, here is my very first written piece. I hope you’ll enjoy it!]

[Keep reading under the cut]

------------

Ada Shelby, eleven years old, opened her eyes on September 1st, 1984. It took her a few minutes to remember what day it was and how important that day was. The evening before, she had had trouble finding some sleep because of how excited she was. After these few minutes during which her brain struggled to fight the lack of good sleep, she finally remembered that today, she was supposed to get on a very special train that will take her to the start of her new life. Her excitement grew again, and she jumped on her feet. She put her glasses on and looked at the clock on the wall facing her bed. 8:15 am. In less than three hours, she would be on the Hogwarts Express. Something she’s been waiting for years. She heard a knock on her door and her mother came in. Miranda Shelby was a very beautiful woman. Her blue eyes were filled with kindness and love. Her brown hair, which normally reached her shoulders, was tied in a ponytail, freeing her beautiful face from flyaways. Her warm smile, that always put joy in people’s hearts, was one of the warmest Ada ever saw. She was radiant. When she saw her daughter awake, she said:

“Good morning honey!”

“Good morning”

“Sooo? Are you excited about today?”

“Of course, I am! I already packed everything, look!” said Ada, pointing at her giant suitcase containing all of her robes and school furniture.

On top of it, an empty cage was waiting to welcome Ada’s new owl: a beautiful barn owl that she had named Merlot. She had decided to name it after the owl her maternal grandmother had once, when she was still alive. It was the owl the late French lady always used whenever she was writing to her daughter, Jacob, or Ada. The new Merlot was currently perched on the dresser next to Ada’s bed, her eyes closed.  

“I finished to pack everything last night, before going to bed” continued Ada.

“Good! You’re much more prepared that I was when I first went to Hogwarts”

“Were you nervous?” asked Ada.

“A little. Mostly because I didn’t really know what to expect since Mamie went to Beauxbâtons. She talked to me a lot about it, she loved her time there. But you’ll see, Hogwarts is just as great!”

Ada nodded but didn’t say anything. She was excited to go to Hogwarts, but she was also very nervous, for multiple reasons. The first and obvious one was the unknown of a new start. The second was the reputation her brother must have left to the Shelby name. Ada didn’t understand everything that had happened, but she knew the boy had been involved in some dark stuff and had been expelled from Hogwarts with his wand being officially broken by the Ministry of Magic. And now, he was missing. Ada knew her brother and she knew he would never be involved with Dark Magic by conviction. If he did, she was sure it was because he didn’t have a choice. But the other kids didn’t know Jacob like she did, and she was afraid she would get insulted by other students or hear students insulting her brother or even her mother. She didn’t know how she would handle that. Finally, he third reason of her nervousness was that she would leave her mother all alone. Her father was killed 3 years earlier and with Jacob now missing, Miranda will have to live alone for most of the school year.

“You’re sure you’re ok, Mon Ange?” asked Miranda, replacing a wild hair behind her daughter’s ear, suddenly worried to see her daughter lost in her thoughts.

“Yeah! Yeah, just a little nervous that’s all.”

Ada felt a little guilty to lie to her mother like that, but she didn’t want her to worry even more than now.

“Everything is going to be ok. You’ll see, you’ll have a great year. Actually, you’ll have seven great years!”

Ada smiled and nodded.

“Alright, we finish to get ready and we go downstairs to eat something before we go?”

“Yes!” said Ada, her excitement going up again.

Miranda smiled again before kissing her daughter’s forehead and left the room. Ada started took a shower and dressed herself. Half an hour later, she was ready. Before going out, she looked in the mirror and saw her reflection. Just like her mother’s, her brown hair reached her shoulders. Her maternal grandmother, Margot, always said that she was a spitting image of Miranda when she was young. After seeing a few pictures, Ada happily admitted that it was indeed the case. Her green eyes however, she had them from her paternal grandfather Anthony, something she was quite proud of too. She smiled a little and after checking that everything was in order, Ada started to go out of the room.

Miranda had decided that it would be better to sleep at the Leaky Cauldron in London to be closer to the King’s Cross station. Once they were both ready, they went downstairs and began to eat breakfast. For a few minutes, Ada looked at the other wizard present in the room while eating a buttered toast. Then Miranda asked:

“Do you know in which house you want to be?”

“I don’t really know. Every house has good qualities, and I personally know at least one amazing person that went to each house. You were a Ravenclaw, Ted was a Hufflepuff, Andy was a Slytherin, and Dad and Jacob were…” Ada stopped, suddenly worried to have upset her mother.

But Miranda smiled at her and completed:

“Dad and Jacob were in Gryffindor.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright without me, Mom?” Asked Ada before she could stop herself.

“Of course, I will be!” she said, stroking Ada’s cheek. “Now, let’s finish breakfast”

Ada knew her mother was not completely honest, but she decided to let it go.

They finished breakfast and went to their rooms to get their stuffs. Tom, the pub manager, helped Ada with her suitcase in the stairs. After thanking him, the mother and the daughter took the bus to go the train station. It was 10:30 am when they arrived. They still had thirty minutes to go on the 9 ¾ platform, which was plenty of time to exchange plenty of goodbyes before separating. Once they were on the platform, Ada’s excitement was at its peak. It was not her first time here, since she always came to say goodbye to her brother for his departures. But this time it was for her. She was the one to go to Hogwarts. A little bit of sadness started to reach her though, as she always thought Jacob would be here for her first departure to Hogwarts. She was also sad that her father wasn’t here like he was for Jacob. The tears were starting to fill her eyes when she suddenly felt a huge shock on her right side that almost made her fell on the floor. In her left hand, he could feel Merlot’s cage moving from the owl’s protestation to this shock. For a split second, she thought a student had hit her by accident, but then she heard a familiar laugh in her hear that made her realize it wasn’t an accident at all. Nymphadora Tonks was hugging her.

“ADA! We’re finally going, it’s today, we’re going to Hogwarts” said the young witch.

Ada laughed at her best friend’s excitement. They had known each other since they were babies and were best friends. The two were basically inseparable. Their families didn’t live too far from each other and it wasn’t rare at all to see the Tonks at the Shelby’s house or the Shelby at the Tonks’ house. Indeed, Nymphadora’s mother, Andromeda, was Miranda’s best friend since Hogwarts. When Ada was born, Miranda and her husband, Luke, designated Andromeda to be their daughter’s Godmother. A few months later Andromeda and Ted Tonks designated Miranda to be Nymphadora’s Godmother.

After a few second, Ada and Nymphadora finally broke their hug. Nymphadora’s excitement was all over her face. She had one of the biggest smile Ada’s ever seen on her. Her eyes were sparkling with happiness and her hair, that she had decided to turn purple for the day, was moving from the little jumps of excitement the girl was doing. A sight at her face made Ada’s sadness disappear. This kind of joy was communicative. Soon, Ada was wearing the exact same smile.

“Tonight, we will finally be at Hogwarts, can you imagine that?” Continued Nymphadora.

“This is amazing! So, you have everything on you? You didn’t forget anything?” Asked Ada.

“Oh come on Ada, I thought you knew Dora by now! She almost forgot her wand this morning, we almost left without it…” Said a male voice.

Ada turned her head and saw Ted and Andromeda Tonks walking between excited students towards them.

“Seriously?” Laughed Ada.

“Argh, details” Shrugged Nymphadora.

Ada laughed one more time and turned to properly face the Tonks. Ted, tall with kind hazel eyes, smiled and high-fived her. Andromeda, tall too, with the elegance and grey eyes she inherited from her birth family and the warm smile and gaze she inherited from herself, opened her arms to welcome her Goddaughter in them in a quick hug while saying:

“Hello Ada. Ready for school too?”

“Hi Ted, Andy. Yeah, I can’t wait to be there!”

“I can only imagine.” said Ted “Dora too, obviously. I don’t think she even slept last night.”

“Not very much, to be honest.” Responded Dora, who was hugging Miranda.

“Yeah me neither.” Said Ada.

“OH, you have an owl too!” said Dora, spotting the barn owl, now wisely placed in her cage again, though staring at Dora with mistrust.

“Yeah, her name is Merlot, just like my Grandmother’s old owl. Mom bought it for me yesterday.”

“She’s beautiful! I named mine Horton.”

Ada smiled and looked at the little black owl somehow sleeping in her cage, that Ted holding. How could the owl sleep with all the noises present on the platform?

They heard a whistle and the students present on the platform began to say goodbye to their parents and to enter into the train. With the help of their parents, the two girls dragged their suitcases on the train. Ada placed Merlot’s cage on hers and went back on the platform.

While Dora was hugging her parents, Ada turned to her mother with a smile.

“So, this is it Mon Ange” said Miranda, softly stroking Ada’s hair, with a smile that was a little bit sad. Ada started to get a bit worried about her mother again. “Just send me Merlot tomorrow morning to tell me everything about tonight, alright?”

“Will do” Smiled Ada.

She hugged her mother. She wanted to ask her one more time if she was going to be ok, if her leaving was going to cause too much harm. But she didn’t ask. She knew her mother was strong. She had to believe in that. It would be better for both of them.

They finally broke the hug and Miranda kissed her daughter on the forehead.

“Don’t let Dora drag you into too much trouble. She likes pranks a little bit much.” She said.

“HEY!” Protested Dora from behind Ada.

“You know I’m joking! Come and say goodbye, you little troublemaker.”

Ada faced Ted and Andromeda to hug them too.

“Don’t drag our Dora in your pranks, please. We know it’s actually YOU the real troublemaker here!” said Ted.

“Ted! That was supposed to be a secret!” Laughed Ada.

He laughed in return while Ada was hugging Andromeda. The latter whispered to her:

“I know you’re worried about your mother. I’m going to keep an eye on her, don’t worry.”

Andromeda always knew how to read her mind, somehow. She always knew what Ada was feeling or thinking. It was one of the things Ada loved the most about her Godmother. In addition of that, the woman always knew how to talk to her or what to do whenever Ada wasn’t feeling fine. This had led to a lot of heart-to-heart conversations and a strong connection had grown more and more over the years between the two of them. By talking about it to Dora, she knew her best friend and her own Godmother, Miranda, shared the same kind of connection.

After a few seconds, Ada stepped back a little.

“Goodbye Andy!” she said, trying to put in her smile all of the gratitude she was feeling towards her at the moment.

“Have a great year, Love”

With Dora, she went on the train and they both stood at a window to wave at their parents, while the train started to move. Once the train turned at the first turn, and the platform was out of sight, Ada turned to Dora:

“We’re going to Hogwarts!” she said with excitement.

“We’re going to Hogwarts.” repeated the young purple-haired witch.

The two had spent days and days talking about their future school. Most of the time, they were having the same conversation over and over, but they didn’t care. It was something they would share together, and it was the only thing that mattered.

“Come on, let’s find a compartment!” said Dora.

“Yes!”

Ada followed her best friend, most of nervousness starting to leave her. She trusted Andromeda Tonks completely and she knew that if someone could keep an eye on Miranda, it would be her. The relationship between the two mothers wasn’t too much different from the relationship Ada had with Dora. Knowing that her mother was in good hands and knowing that Miranda was a really strong woman, she started to debate with Dora on which house would more suit them while they were searching for a place to sit.

(To be continued...)

[hollyand-writes]

Quarantine Q&A

I was tagged by the lovely @gremlinquisitor ❤️ Sorry it took me so long to get round to doing this!

Tagging: anyone who feels up to it -- like Erin said in her own post, take care of yourself first, and if you don’t feel like you can talk about this, then please don’t try to force it. ❤️

Are you staying home from work or school?

My husband and I have both been working from home since mid-March. I was already pretty much working from home before that anyway (been doing it for about a decade), so I was used to it and therefore don’t feel my life has changed dramatically. We’re really lucky that our jobs can be done 100% from home -- March and April were really busy months for both of us work-wise, so I think that helped us both cope and feel useful. 

In a weird way, lockdown didn’t/doesn’t upset or stress me out? I think it’s because I had a head start on worrying about the pandemic back in January: I have family in China/HK/SE Asia and I was really, really worried about them for a bit. I follow a few Chinese-language social media accounts of people based in China / East Asia and what was coming out of there was really, really bad -- sometimes worse than what was being reported in Western media -- and people over there were so angry and terrified for months before anyone in the West started worrying about it, I think. 

So, by the time the pandemic hit the UK and lockdown was announced, I think I was just relieved that finally there was something I could “do” about what was going on in the world, if that made sense??? I’d been reading these first-hand anonymous accounts “on the ground” in Chinese for two months by that point, so I felt like I kind of knew what to expect physically and emotionally. (My family and family-friends out there are all fine as far as I know, btw.)

If you’re staying home, who’s with you?

My husband. 9 weeks into lockdown and we’re still very much enjoying having each other around! He misses his colleagues, but he doesn’t miss his commute. We have the odd Zoom party and catch up with his family on FaceTime (it’s weird how it took a pandemic for us to think of video-calling them instead of phoning them), but yeah, he’s been great lockdown company and I love having him home! I don’t want him to go back to work LMAO! 

We work in the same room, but tend to be very good at focusing on our work during the work day, so we don’t really distract each other and give each other space when needed (mentally rather than physically, though; we live in a tiny flat with only like 3 rooms so it’s hard to give each other physical space). We play endless games of Civ6 against the other during breaks from work.

Are you a homebody?

Before 2020? No, not at all. But after lockdown started? I’ve been discovering the delights of just chilling at home with my husband, being busy and in-demand at work, writing, reading books, teaching myself Photoshop (working through an online course LMAO) and playing Civ. 

Also I’ve been really happy about all the money I’m saving from not going out and not buying anything apart from food and books LMAO! 

I’ve not really felt very talkative this year; and after lockdown started, that even extended to many of my real-life friends -- I’ve just felt happy staying at home and not talking to anyone except my husband, for some reason. (As an aside -- sorry to all of you on Tumblr and Discord for not chatting so much -- it’s not personal, it’s just whatever phase I’m going through, both IRL and online!) I’m not depressed or anything, I don’t think -- just happy doing my own thing for a bit.

An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled.

The one that I was most gutted about was the Euro 2020 football tournament (soccer to you Americans of course) -- I had tickets to go to the final in July. But the organisers said they’ll hold the tournament next year and tickets will be valid, so I don’t feel so bad about it now. 

I miss the gym the most, I think. Everything else has kind of sorted itself out (even cancelled events), but the gym / working-out thing hasn’t. I started doing some home workouts with resistance bands at first, but I’ve fallen out of the habit of that somewhat -- it’s just not the same as having an actual barbell in your hands.

I was also meant to go on holiday to Greece with friends (12 of us) but that’s been cancelled. Funnily enough, when lockdown was announced in the UK I was secretly relieved, because I had a lot of social events lined up and my social life had been so busy up to that point that I was starting to get rather overwhelmed with it all. Turns out I’m an extrovert with a strong introvert streak.

What movies have you watched recently? What shows are you watching?

Hmmmm.... not really so much movies, I think. Aside from Frozen 2 (again). We’re currently working our way more through the 1994 BBC TV series of the classic novel Middlemarch (because I’ve been reading it), but we tend to play Civ, or read, or bake/cook, rather than watch TV.

What music are you listening to?

Gosh, loads, haha! The Frozen 2 soundtrack. Ibiza clubland tunes (to remind me of good times, LOL). Listened to old Eurovision tracks over the weekend (to get me in the spirit, even if Eurovision 2020 was cancelled). Attended virtual concerts that my friends in music bands have been holding. Pretty much everything you can imagine, whenever the mood strikes. Today I was listening to Suede’s Singles.

What are you reading?

Right now I’m reading “Middlemarch” by George Eliot; I’ve been getting through lots of books since February, both fiction and non-fiction.

That said, I’ve not really felt like reading fanfic much -- stopped reading Dragon Age fanfiction in December or January (and completely fell out of the fandom for a while, too) so I’m really behind on every longfic I was following. I’m only just starting to catch up on it all, in May, although I don’t see myself being in fandom/online that much. I’ll get to all your fics eventually! I’m just slow 😄

What are you doing for self-care?

Lots of things, and I think they’re helping because I’ve been coping OK so far (sorry this list is so long!): 

Staying offline -- especially off Tumblr and Discord and Twitter -- more often, which has really helped me get work done (sorry I’ve not been around much, though) and finally getting around to doing all those projects I didn’t have time to do / wasn’t home often enough to do is helping, especially when I can see progress being made 

Weekly therapy sessions -- started these last year when my brother got very seriously ill; the therapy sessions have now moved online via video-call rather than face-to-face and in-person, but I’m still keeping up with them through the pandemic. I haven’t felt like I need it, tbh, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to keep having therapy just in case...

Being grateful for how lucky I am -- I’m still alive and well for now, as are my loved ones, my husband and I are still in jobs / earning money, and things could be a lot worse; for example, at least I’m still able to go for walks in the park: my brother is officially a “vulnerable category” person who has to stay completely indoors and self-isolate for 12 weeks, even though he’s in remission; he can’t even go to the shops to get food

Working -- it’s been really nice sometimes to keep busy. The nature of my work means that unfortunately I can’t completely switch off from the news, so I tend to look at less of the bad and sad news and consume more the “how does the pandemic affect my specific specialism or field” news -- I find that limiting my news consumption is helping

Husband and I go for a walk in the park in the sunshine once a day (it’s been warm and sunny in London ever since lockdown started in March) for like 45 minutes a day. We have a really lovely park and I’ve taken lots of nice nature photos, and have discovered parts of the park and our neighbourhood that we didn’t know before, which has been very exciting 😁

We’ve been cooking and baking a lot more because we’re not commuting, and we’ve got time to cook ourselves nicer / healthier meals, and experimenting with baking puddings and cakes.

Taking multivitamins and fish oil every day, with boosters for Vitamin D3 and magnesium -- I actually think the latter has helped me sleep better and helped with motivation this year, but who knows LOL

FaceTime with husband’s family -- I actually think this lockdown has improved the quality of our relationships there, and they’ve been really happy to chat to us more often than usual

Just... not pushing myself on anything: usually I’m a really chatty and sociable person, but this year I’ve been far less chatty and just not felt so sociable, and just enjoyed being away from people to read and write or whatever. My one and only goal in 2020 is to survive it -- literally, given that there’s a pandemic on, LOL. Anything else is a bonus.

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 9

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 241: Shit day at work. To cut a long story short, I could complete a task Sueanne gave to me and then I got it in the ear, including a snotty email ay 5:40pm. Pissed off.

Day 242: Had a meeting with Sueanne (our weekly 1-2-1 actually) and she was alright. I feel much better tonight. Last night I didn’t even have an appetitie - unheard of! Going to make up for that tonight, pie and loads of veg! A much better day. Ridiculously, I believe yesterday was all my own fault - I take work for granted sometimes and I let myself down by ignoring the urgency of a task just because it was Sueanne asking me to do it and she was a peer. She is now my boss, and I should respect that.

Day 243: So-so day at work. It’s strange how used to work I am after over six months on furlough. It’s been less than two months back but all the highs and lows amd frustrations are commonplace. Most importantly, it being Thursday, I cannot wait for tomorrow eveninga dn to kick back, drink and smoke. Spoke to dad this morning, he’s same as...that’s always good to know. Sugar levels have been a fucking roller coaster today, and it has really fucked me off! No salad at lunch due to them being so fucking high when I got back from my walk. It ended up being my tea. Sarted watching The Undoing...it’s OK. 

Day 244: Glad it is Friday. Just cooking a (very hot) chicken madras, cracked open my first beer. Gonna eat, drink, smoke and watch a good film.

Day 245: Gold was the film I watched last night, with Matthew McConaughey and it was a good choice. I then watch a Kevin Hart stand up show on Netflix...very Eddie Murphy, very funny. I did a 12 km walk today...fucking felt it in my legs. Walked the footpath from Stoke Doyle road to Benefield road for the first time. I liked it and it comes out between Lytham Park and Wakerley Close....I posted on FB about the fact that when I move to Oundle, Clifton Drive was the last street heading out of town. Saw Becks on the walk down Benefield road, She mentioned she’s tired of lockdown. I replied that I’m tired of the virus!

Day 246: Up at 1pm, nice long walk, ordered new slippers and waterproof jacket (my Craghopper is bust again).

Day 247: I screwed up at work today, went for a (ridiculously) late lunch right when I was meant to be at an online meeting that Sueanne had reminded me about in the morning. There’s mitigation but, when push comes to shove, I fucked up and now Sueanne’s on the warpath - one more slip up and it’ll be an offical disciplinary matter. 

Day 248: Suzanne wants me to troubleshoot a ticket she has in her queue, some database request for a Cork guy. It’s a test and it’s fucking me off.

I did testing for a network change tonight...8 till 11:15pm.

Elliot and Aaron cleaned the windows today. It was nice to see them.

Rita sent a couple of emails recently. Dad’s ear is all clear but Paul has got testicular cancer.

Day 249: New waterproof jacket arrived today. It’s very nice, bargain for £25 odd. Also picked up slippers from M&S food hall in Corby so, while over their, did a shop at Tesco’s...£109 mainly booze.

By the time I was back, I ended up doing my evening walk at 9.30pm!

Day 250: Leigh from Oundle Chronicle has got back to me. She (he?) has selected the photos that are going to be in the article and wants me to write a sentence on each - where they were taken and what inspited me to do so. Whether that means the stuff I wrote before is not going to be used, or not, I dunno! New slippers are OK and the new jacket is still impressing me.

Day 251: Typing on Day 252. Usual Friday, beers, meatballs, pizza, long chat with Fog. I should mention that, as we approach the end of Lockdown2 in England, Boris and his government have laid out a three tier structure for how the second lockdown will be eased. It’s caused confusion and consternation across the board. None of it affects me, still isolating like I was on day 1. Day 252: Totally forgot about my diary entry yesterday! Up at 1pm, nice long walk, nipped rong Elliots to pay for my windows, had a chat with him, Artron and Camilla - it’s so nice to socialise! Gonna make fish pie and supp a few ales. Day 253: The weekend is over way too quickly. It’s 7.30pm on Sunday as I type and I wish it wasn’t. I wish it was 7.30pm on Friday. Day 254: In a meeting, a working Zoom, with Andy Ashler in the US re: qfiniti, which Sueanne pissed me off about earlier in te day (RCI diary updated), but the meeting went well. I am desparately trying to buy an iPad on Black Monday. As usual with tech, I cannot make my mind up which to buy! Day 255: I haven’t bought an iPad....I’ll wait for the 10.2″ iPad to come down in price. I had more involvement with Andy Ashler and in the US with the Qfiniti project at work. I’m really enjoying it, it’s very technical...although I didn’t finish ‘til 6pm because of it. The Oundle Chronicle is out and an article about me and my pics is on the back page. Leigh, the editor, sent it to me electronically. It’s good. I am chuffed!  Day 256: I booked some holidays today, making sure that I didn’t include any days off in the week December 14-18 (SB’s off). So, this coming Friday (4th Dec), Next Weds-Fri and Monday 21st. I know I have only been back from Furlough a couple of months but I am more than ready for some kick-back time.  1-2-1 with SB today, it was a relaxed affair, most espcially becaus eof my success thus far with the Qfiniti project - that being said, I got pretty much nowhere with it today.  Ordered a couple of long sleeved Ts and a fleeced hoody from a shop called Doubletwo today, well cheap in the sale. I saw half a dozen joggers on the Milton Road blind bend tonight, oblivious to any other potential path user. I posted about it (in my own, sarcastic way) on the Oundle Chatter FB group. It was met how I’d expected plus some direct digs so I deleted it. Cowardly but, I figure, I don’t get my point across, the vast majority of joggers really don’t think they are doing anything wrong by bulldozing there way around town and, lastly, I couldn’t be bothered with the flak, and its tennis like back-and-forth!

Day 257: Got tomorrow off so worked late tying up loose ends, including the qfiniti project - fucking nuts really, making sure no one asks any questions of SB or the team, in terms of my work load, for just one day off! Still, just had tea, cracked open a beer and am watching Shaun of the Dead. Nice.

Day 258: The main thing I did today is walk. It was about 12km but felt much longer ‘cos it was wintry, pissing down, windy and slippery as fuck. And I really enjoyed it! Badge messaged me today to ask how I am and, in replying, I mentioned that I think I am becoming addicted to walking...it wasn’t a throwaway comment. Just cooked up a chilli (which I think I have ruined with a Knorr beef stock pot), and will tuck in with beers, smokes and telly. While it’s been a day off, this Friday evening will be as all others are at the moment, late, drunken and solitary fun - no doubt.

Day 259: Typing on day 260. That chilli last night was actually OK. Plus I ‘invented’ a meatball wrap - moving on from the TikTok ham and cheese wrap you fold into the toaster, I tried the same with meatballs but no fucking way could I fold it into the toaster slot (pissed up kitchen shenanigans), so I wrapped it in tin foil and heated it in the oven, Fucking delicious. I watched Shaun of the Dead. I think it’s the first time since its release and I couldn’t help thinking “zombies just aren’t like that [in real life]” Wtf?

Day 260: I was quite sensible (for a Saturday) last night, in bed by 2am, up at my alarm this morning, 10:30am. Nice long walk, taking in a new path up by Biggin Grange and took plenty of pics that turned out really good. Btw, posh lost yesterday at Portsmouth (with 2000 fans there) and they lost midweek and last weekend in the FA Cup to Chorley, at home. 

Day 261: It’s freezing today...actually 0 degrees. This house is so fucking cold, even with the heating on.

Day 262: Typing on day 263. Last day of work for 5 days. Beers are in order. And a sausage casserole. Day 263: I completely forgot to do a diary entry yesterday....concentrating on starting my work break off on the right foot, which I did. As a result, I didn’t get up until 1pm. So, to stop that sort of day wasting, no beers tonight. Just got back from a shop (£90 in Tesco’s), trying to sort out Romiley’s Christmas present, then something to eat (more sausage casserole) and a early, sober night.

Day 264: So, after abstinence last night, I was up before 11am and did a walk that included the track from Benefield Road to Monson Way past Park Wood. It was fucking hard work due to mud. I have lost coumd the amount of times I nearly slipped right over. Throw into that a hypo, the 12-13km walk was tough. Sorted out Romiley’s present (guitar stand, music stand and guitar exercises book). Took soime nice photos today as well which I’ve prepared and shared. No booze today/tonight either. Some break, a younger me would say!

Day 265: Friday, and I am typing with a beer, balti on the hob and I am just gonna choose a film and roll a single skinner. I am knackered. Up at 10am, cleaned the hall and stairs after a 10km walk. Also, I spoke with dad who is, as always, fine.

Time to make up for the last two sober nights.

Day 266: I am typing this on day 267. So drunk last night I left nearll a full can of beer and went to bed in my jogging bottoms and t-shirt. I have had a day off from any exercise at all which felt very odd. A few beers and watched Snatch. Day 267: While I was nowhere near drunk last night, due to sleeping in late (2pm) I was up ‘til 3am watching TikTok so today I struggled out of bed at just before 1pm. Watch the start of the season’s final GP (Verstappen won from pole and it was boring af), back on the exercising including a 9km walk. Back to work tomorrow which I feel totally conflicted about! Posh won yesterday at home to Rochdale (with the allowed 2000 fans) 4-1 including a 17 minute first half hatrick from Jonson Clarke-Harris.

Day 268: Back to work - Sueanne’s off and it’s the first day I’ve been at work with Jon in charge which involves a daily ‘SUMO’ (whatever that acronym stands for?) at 9.30am every day. I am still involved with te qfiniti upgrade project which seems to have taken a step backwards in the 3 days I had off, so I was working until gone 9.30pm! I have decided to do a quiz, hopefully for Christmas, whereby I don’t want the actual answers (to 25 particular questions, all with a common theme in the answer), merely an omitted question!  

Day 269: Stand Up Meeting Online. SUMO. Ian Bird told me. I might struggle with double Y for my quiz. Work was OK, more Qfiniti stuff. Posh drew away to MK 1-1. Posh were 0-1 up but Lincs lost at home. I can’t undertsand why that pleases me so....oh, yeah I can Steve Dee.

Day 270: Struggling to order Dad and Rita booze for Christmas without it being a Morrison’s delivery that I can do through Amazon Prime. That would be OK but it’s just a bit clinical! Meanwhile, now I am paying for Prime, and they are showing some Premiership games (for example, tonight I watched Liverpool v. Spurs (2-1), I really have to contact Sky - I am paying £71pm atm! Sam posted pic of her Christmas tree but mentioned how she’s finding it hard to get in the spirit - Paul has testicular cancer and the outlook is bleak - fuck know’s what she’s going through with all that, trying to shield Romiley from the worst without lying!

[nct-imagines-uwu]

Which NCT OT21 members are most likely to be anxious or depressed

——————————-

Rather than just depression and anxiety I’ll be listing other things as well- not a professional psychologist btw

Know in advance that I may get some members incorrect as I don’t pay attention to every member the same way, some more some less- imma be kinda inaccurate for dream though

Taeil: A bit shy and anxious at times but not enough to be diagnosed with anxiety, probably just a personality trait

Johnny: Healthy well rounded person, looks intimidating but is actually sure sweet. He trained for 8–9 years but doesn’t seem stressed about it and it looks like he doesn’t regret staying with Sm when he trained a long time and saw his friends exo and red velvet debut while Johnny was stuck in SM’s basement. Otherwise he doesn’t seem to have any trauma with it and is probably one of the most mentally stable members in nct

Taeyong: Has anxiety for sure, and low self esteem maybe? Must protect smol bean at all costs. May have depression from previous scandals

Yuta: He’s mentally healthy but there’s definitely a very small chance he’s mildly depressed because of his scandal of being friends with a controversial YouTuber. Also the only Japanese in NCT so maybe he felt a bit isolated at some point in his life. Best friend Winwin joined WayV and doesn’t promote with 127 anymore so he’s friends with Mark now. May or may not have low self esteem for being the member who is only relevant when shipped with someone else.

Kun: Mentally stable… except for the fact that he is the leader of wayv and has six kids to tend to in wayv, also NCT calls him old all the time but I don’t think it’s severe enough to affect his self esteem due to being mentally strong. That’s probably the reason why he was chosen as WayV’s leader. He is however likely stressed from taking care of wayv and being made fun of such as purposefully being called old 24/7 Lmao

Doyoung: may or may not have depression from members bullying him all the time but can confirm he probably has semi low self esteem and anger issues- either that or he just has an angry personality

Ten: He kinda acts crazy for the cameras but tbh I actually think he’s pretty much mentally stable. He may be nationally the only Thai member of NCT but because he is ethnically Chinese I don’t think being Thai makes him uncomfortable at all. Also he’s an amazing polyglot which also probably factors into his comfortability in NCT

Jaehyun: Some of y’all might be mad that his description is short but I will only describe him as mentally stable and with two powerful words: Unbothered King

Winwin: I think he definitely had some anxiety back in NCT 127 due to him moving to South Korea as a foreigner who couldn’t speak Korean well, as well as yutaewin love triangle and Yuta and Taeil constantly loving him and embarrassing him on camera. As of WayV right now I’m pretty sure all that anxiety has faded away now, although he’s naturally shy at heart so he probably has minor anxiety but nothing else. Not depression but maybe slight regret with joining SM and wondering how much popularity, recognition and Promotions he could have gotten had he not joined SM and stayed in China as a professional Chinese Ballet dancer

Jungwoo: Poor boy was the last to join nct, and when Winwin suddenly disappeared after Simon Says promotions for WayV and didn’t participate in 127’s first World Tour, many fans initially started hating on Jungwoo and claiming he was a “replacement” for winwin, like a winwin 2.0. This has definitely affected his self esteem in the worst way possible, and he likely developed a lot of anxiety and depression (as well as possible panic attacks??? Remember when he had a nervous breakdown before performing Boss for the first time? Poor baby) during this phase which could explain the possible health reason as to why he took an 8-ish month hiatus away from NCT. He’s better now though and has worked hard to prove to fans that he is Jungwoo, an individual and not just a replacement for Winwin.

Lucas: Honestly the most confident guy in NCT, he likely gets embarrassed a lot and gets very shy at times but those don’t necessarily mean that Lucas has anxiety. He probably was a bit sad and self esteem went down a bit when he didn’t debut with Dream despite the correct age due to “being a tall tree among the short flowers” (at the time when Dream just debuted and were prepubescents). Lucas practiced Chewing gum so hard due to thinking he’d debut with Dream lmao! He’s in SuperM now so it probably doesn’t bother him at all anymore.

Off Topic: The fact that NCT Dream unofficially recognizes both Taeil and Doyoung as unofficial members of the group yet always rejected Lucas every single time is freaking hilarious and really sends

Mark: Is extremely embarrassing, cringey and awkward asf but obviously doesn’t have Depression or Anxiety of any sort. Hooray for being mentally stable!

Off topic: Mark is seen as a little brother by literally everyone in both NCT and SuperM. He gives off such little brother vibes that he must probably be known as Kpop’s little brother amongst everyone he knows lmao

Xiaojun: Doesn’t have Anxiety or Depression but likely has low self esteem from the members constantly teasing him on either embarrassing moments or his self improvements such as his accidental bleached eyebrows or having arm muscles which really drains his self confidence a lot even if they are just joking around

Hendery: Probably a bit sad about being underrated in WayV and NCT in general, but for the most part this guy is mentally stable and was originally going to become a comedian before joining SM which really screams self confidence right there

Renjun: Poor boy gets teased by Dream 24/7. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have Anxiety or depression but maybe has overly high self esteem and minor impatience as well as “minor” anger issues. Otherwise he’s a pretty well off guy in terms of being mentally stable

Jeno: Like I said I don’t pay attention to Dream a lot so not too sure. I don’t think he has Anxiety or depression. He’s just a quiet introverted person and there’s nothing wrong with that

Haechan: This full sun boy does not have depression whatsoever, however he may or may not have minor anxiety because he’s the one causing the teasing all the time. He also gets red and anxious whenever he has to do certain tasks aka running errands for people such as sending bouquets or returning lipsticks, however anyone would be nervous in his situation so that doesn’t count as anxiety and for the most part Haechan is mentally stable.

Jaemin: While he may act super sweet, extrovert med and chill on camera, he’s actually an introvert at heart and likes to distance himself from Dream at times in order to recharge his extroverted energy. Same with most introverts so this is normal. A lot of people keep misinterpreting the situation and assuming he’s depressed, but no. Jaemin is just a mentally stable extroverted introvert that’s all. Although he does have an unhealthy caffeine addiction lmao

Yangyang: Honestly the same as Haechan’s description except that he doesn’t get as easily embarrassed as Haechan does… this maknae boi is so savage towards WayV lmao that he has the same energy as Dream not letting each other breath towards both either WayV and/or specifically Ten In general

Chenle: laughing dolphin/parrot boi is probably the most confident and least anxious/depressed person in all of nct. If you haven’t seen Chenle flexing on his rich family then you haven’t met his mentally stable yet overly confident ego.

Jisung: Currently Maknae of all of NCT at the moment, he is not depressed yet gets anxious and scared easily, but it’s obviously not severe enough to be actual anxiety so he is also mentally stable.

That concludes everyone!!! (Did I do okay?)

[marshmallowgoop]

This is something I should have edited together.

So here it is: (a lot of!) the sweet messages I’ve received in the last month or so that are in direct response to my anonymous hate mail. 

I don’t know how true it is, but I’ve heard it said that humans are remarkably negative creatures, and it takes so many more positive experiences to balance out just one negative experience. And maybe it’s not that universal a thing, but I can say that it sure feels relevant to my own life.

So, I think it’s important to remind myself that, no matter how much it seems like it’s so easy to attack me but so difficult to support me, I’ve actually received far more kind messages than cruel messages throughout this whole mess. And the kind messages are so much more thoughtful, too—and often attached to real names! 

And... I think that says something when I’m as cringey and humiliating as I am. These folks aren’t too ashamed to say that they’re here for me and what I do.

(But that said, I have removed names from anything that wasn’t a reblog or reply because I don’t want to embarrass anyone. Please let me know if you don’t want your words here at all, and I’ll blur them out. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.)

There’s some stuff I want to address under the cut—along with a transcript if anyone is interested in reading these words but has trouble with the screenshots—but more important than any of my ramblings to follow, I want to thank everyone who took the time to write out these supportive sentiments and who continues to support me. I know these meltdowns are a drag, and I know I’ve been a nuisance. Thank you for sticking with me. I aim to be better and live up to what these messages say.

First things first, I want to clarify why I posted the collage of all the hate the other day. I didn’t approach that well, and I’m sorry. I realized too late that it was a bad decision.

Really, that collage was more meant just for me. Maybe it’s sad, but I’ve been actively writing on this site for a good half decade now, and for a lot of that time, I’ve almost craved anon hate. I was disappointed that I never got any. I wondered what the heck I was doing wrong.

After all, I have so many unpopular opinions. I realized that a lot of the community disliked me—or if that’s too strong a word, I knew they didn’t want anything to do with me—because of what I think and how I feel. But they never wanted to voice anything to my face. I wasn’t worth the effort to be attacked. I was nothing. Nobody.

There’s this quote from Tibor Kalman that I think about a lot: “[W]hen you make something no one hates, no one loves it.” If no one hated me enough to hate me right to my face, I thought, then I wasn’t good enough. I was boring. Easily forgotten. Not worth the effort.

So, getting all that anon hate for the first time? God, it hurt. It hurt so bad. Getting everything I’d always feared the community hated about me—as well as things I didn’t even consider them hating about me—right in my inbox? Ow. I cried a lot. I wanted to burn everything I ever wrote a lot. I wanted to quit making stuff for this community a lot. 

What’s the use? I thought—selfishly, of course, keeping in mind all the support up above. Why do I try? It was cruel and unfair, but I kept thinking these things. I kept thinking, What’s the use when nobody wants me here?

But I also thought about the implications of getting all that stuff thrown at me. And I knew it meant one thing: I’m not boring anymore.

There is at least one person out there who frequently checks my blog for more things to rail on me for. There is at least one person going out of their way to write nasty, awful, mean-spirited messages. There is at least one person eagerly waiting for me to respond, to say something, anything, so that they can hurt me and drag me and push me down.

After all these years, to at least one person, I’m worth the effort. No matter how much the messages have stung and destroyed me, I wanted to keep a record of them to remind myself, hey. Someone or someones out there hate(s) me this much for having a different opinion on a cartoon. Maybe that says that my opinions on this cartoon are worth something. 

I mean, they’re worth this level of mocking and ridicule, right?

But... I could have just kept the collage to myself. It’s a personal motivation. Nobody else needs to see these terrible things. That just encourages the cruelty even more. Why did I publicize it?

Well, it’s not too uncommon for Internet content creators to make something out of their hate comments. I like the trend of turning the comments into songs, like here, for example:

At the end of the video, Madilyn Bailey, the artist, says that the purpose of the song is to mock Internet troll culture and make something positive from the negativity.

But I wouldn’t say that that was really my motivation for posting my collage. Call me silly and naive, but I wanted to draw attention to these Internet fandom issues. Everything in that collage is what I was having to deal with... on top of my normal life struggles. 

While all of this was happening, I was tapering off my anxiety and depression medication because I felt it wasn’t as effective as it could be and because I feared it was making me lose my hair—something that I am extremely self-conscious about. I cut my hair short nearly a decade ago, and it’s never grown back to the same length. 

So, needless to say, while all of this was happening, I was horrified about the big clumps of hair lost in the shower. I was dealing with lightheadedness and dizziness from the withdrawal of my meds (which I’m still dealing with, btw), and I was also dealing with stresses at work. My department has changed management within the last year, and there’s been the concern that people will lose their jobs. There’s been the concern that this occupation won’t be enough to support me anymore.

While all of this was happening, I was stressed about my career, about money, about growing older—the beginning of the anon hate assault was just days before my birthday. I couldn’t see my therapist as much as I wanted because there ain’t enough therapists out there for all this world’s issues. 

And while I know that I shouldn’t compare, I also know well that my struggles are nothing compared to the struggles of others. So, how must it feel to deal with all the crap that life just normally throws at you, that’s probably a lot worse for most people than it is for me... and then come home to messages that treat you like a disgusting, horrible, awful human being for your feelings on a cartoon? For work you offer to a community for free and fun? 

For answers to questions that you only answered because you were asked to?!

Well, it felt pretty bad to me.

When I posted my collage, I meant to send a message about how this is not okay. I don’t want to see this kind of behavior, and I’m bothered that I don’t know how normal or common what happened to me is. Is this an everyday occurrence for online content creators? Have I just been shielded all these years because I wasn’t interesting enough?

I hoped that by sharing what I was going through, it’d draw attention to the problem. We shouldn’t be treating our fandom content creators like this. It’s not fair. It’s sick.

Of course, I don’t want to guilt anyone into supporting me. I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t criticize me. I don’t want anyone to feel that, just because I was dealing with a Lot in life, any poor behavior on my part is somehow okay. It isn’t.

The comments that probably hurt me the most in that collage aren’t even the “hate” ones. They’re the ones that express that I messed up. That I hurt them. I can’t say I agree with how these feelings were expressed, but more than any nasty, personally insulting message, those probably hit hardest. I hate the feeling that I’m disappointing my followers. In fact, in taking screenshots for this post, I saw that at least one of the people who had sent me a sweet message has since unfollowed. And that—the sense that I should just stop, that my work really is as horrible as the cruel anons say, that I’m no longer someone they want to support because I’m a disaster and a failure—that... really, really stung.

But as I’ve said before, I can’t blame anyone for leaving me after all this drama. It stinks. It sucks. I messed up. I try to be kind, respectful, considerate, but I’m not perfect, and there are gonna be mistakes along the way. 

So I want to encourage—but only if you’re comfortable doing so, of course—more feedback about how to be better. How could I make my content more appealing? How could I handle these situations in ways that are less awful? Could I improve my post-tagging system? My therapist is helping me, but I’d like to hear from all y’all, too. I want to know how to make stuff that people actually enjoy. Anon hate doesn’t exactly help me make better content, but actual constructive feedback will. That’s what I want to see.

But enough bellyaching. Here are some posts I’m prioritizing right now, and I’d like to know which one folks would want to see most:

✄ “ambiguous” thoughts

✄ Ryuko stronger in episode 14, North Kanto monkey versus Osaka monkey

✄ Episode 6 ending

✄ Ryuko and Senketsu interactions

✄ Ripping out heart

✄ Satsuki’s isolation

✄ Things About: Senketsu, Satsuki, Mako, Tsumugu (maybe more?)

✄ Ryuko’s IF story, episodes 5-8

✄ Ryuko’s IF story, episodes 9-10

✄ Anime Revolution info

It’s a lot, I know ^^; And that’s not even close to all of it. But where should I start? Don’t worry; I intend to finish everything here—especially because a lot of these are old, old requests!—but I’m easily overwhelmed, so an idea of where to begin would be really helpful for me!

tl;dr, I shouldn’t have posted that thing the other day, and maybe this long vomit dump about my intentions doesn’t even come close to making up for it. But I want folks to know that I appreciate their support and would love any feedback about how to better serve the community and live up to these kind messages.

Which, speaking of, here’s a transcript of them:

“As a survivor that's ace I think you're handling the ragyo situation excellently and I'm really enjoying your blog so thank you!”

“Sorry you’re dealing with backlash in regards to your opinions and headcanons on Ragyo, dear! While I can’t really say much on the matter, I think it’s fair that you’re being open with us on how you feel and that you’re entitled to your opinion. Does that mean people will agree with you? No, but that’s okay! Or at the very last, it should be...but people can get heated when certain topics come up and that’s when it Gets Messy”

“There’s no right way to fandom, people jumping in your ask to belittle you are jerks. Tbh the first time I watched Kill La Kill I didn’t consider ryuko and senketsu relationship as romantic but after finding your writing and on subsequent watches I totally see it and like that’s the whole point of fandom right? A group of people who love a thing for varying reasons, I don’t understand this need to be monolithic in fandom. Anyways I love your writing and totally understand your frustrations of late”

“Guys, come on. It’s a work of fiction. People are allowed to like whatever they want to like. You don’t like that? That’s fine! But please, leave Goop alone for stating her mind and expressing how she feels about it. She wouldn’t hark you for your opinion because she’s fully aware of how could make you feel. She’s done nothing but pout her heart out about a series she loves, it’s her passion. If someone did that to YOU, you wouldn’t like it, now would you? (1/2)

“I know it’s not going to magically change overnight and everyone will say their peace to feel validated, but I just feel so bad that you’re getting all of this over things that you’ve previously talked about and STILL have to defend yourself for. Your opinion is yours, Goop, and don’t let ANYONE try to challenge that! (2/2)”

“Please don't be so hard on yourself! I understand why it makes you upset when people send hate and stuff but you shouldn't feel the need to justify every single word you say. I just wanted to let you know that I always adored everything you write and I'm completely on your side in all of this. :) I hope you feel better soon!”

“I think your takes are very good; but more important than everyone agreeing w/ everyone elses readings, I think, is that you are a very good writer of analysis and it would be a shame for you to falter in that because of ppls reactions to your content. anyone who harasses you about having the 'wrong opinions' about fiction needs to learn how analysis of fiction functions & find a better outlet :) you are very talented, Goop, please follow your true north!”

“People get hung up on weird things, like you can disagree with someone and not devolve to personal attacks??? Anyways I enjoy your klk content! I look forward to more analysis of the game!”

“man, i dunno why so many anons gotta be such massive jackasses, you don't deserve it. hell, i don't even ship ryuketsu (I lean towards a more queerplatonic partnership interpretation, and im generally allergic to romantic shipping anyways) and i still deeply appreciate the thought and research and care you put into your meta.”

“ik you don't want asks about this but as a sexual assault survivor you are absolutely valid on how you feel about Ragyo. I skip the bath scene on every rewatch, and I find her atrocious. The fact that people are attacking you for this is dumb.”

“Hey man you’re allowed to talk about who you want on your blog. It’s your shit. People are so entitled nowadays and can’t let people have opinions anymore. You’re not dumb, you’re not trying to be offensive. And it hurts seeing how you’re trying to be courteous and step on eggshells and still getting dragged. Like people are allowed to disagree but there’s no need to be rude to someone trying not to be rude. You’re literally saying an opinion. Everyone else relax, my dude. You’re fine.”

“It’s amazing how all these people can recognize ragyos terrible behavior but insist on having to defend her….”

 “Just wanted to shout over all of this hate and say you have an amazing blog and you shouldn’t let this get you down. Keep doing what you’re doing because it’s legitimately awesome. Anyway that’s all I had to say. Keep being you.”

“Hey Goop. Just always remember that even if we're quieter, there will always be more people supporting you and loving you than people hating you. I really hope you don't let these anons destroy your health in a more permanent way. Keep up the good work!”

“Hello! Just wanted to say that I love your posts and analyses of klk so much! I love seeing how passionate you are about it (bc I am too) and I also ship Ryuketsu SUPER hard! I'm sorry if people are getting you down, but I hope you keep on doing your thing!”

trashcanalienist said: I agree with this so much

tolliver-j-mortaelwyver said: …don’t ever let someone else’s insecurities become part of you. 😉

official-raven-branwen reblogged this from marshmallowgoop and added:

Ya’ll got a problem with Goop, you can fuck outta here with that.

#Lookin at you anon

official-raven-branwen said: Why are people being mean to you??! Goop, please please please don’t ever think that your content isn’t wanted. If people are having an issue, that’s on them. They can fuck right off.

tolliver-j-mortaelwyver said: More Ryuketsu! Indeed!

kuribo4indahouse said: Kill la Kill needs you

csolarstorm said: Hey Goop, I sympathize. It’s never easy to share opinions about topics like this, because everyone has a different story, and they all want their story heard by others. I’ve found that you can’t accomodate everyone’s struggles - you can only speak for yourself. Keep on writing, I love Kill la Kill and Iook forward to reading your work.

official-raven-branwen said: You got this! 

kuribo4indahouse said: Don’t worry, and don’t count out the possibility of becoming bigger over time!

gaylo-thymos said: Hell yea, you’re doing your very best to be out there and that’s what matters. Keep bein you!

darthvandr said: Well regardless of recent events, you’re one of my favorite blogs and I’d be sad if you left. So you just keep on being you!

kuribo4indahouse said:

Who the fuck wrote that lol

Are those even real people writing those messages? Who would be this rude over a TV show?

And then they call you “butthurt”… Any self awareness?

official-raven-branwen replied to your post “You’re so butthurt about this Ragyou thing. Get over yourself. So…”

You are awesome Goop! Don’t listen to those asshat anons. You rock and those anons mean nothing. You keep being you because you are enough!

Not sure why you have such awful anons. You are an awesome person. Please know that you opinions on stuff that you (very obviously) love are perfectly valid, because they are your opinions, on your own freaking blog. And to that anon that sent you that message, listen dude, if you don’t like the content Goop puts out, there’s the unfollow button right there champ.

eldritchgentleman reblogged your photo and added:

Fuck the opinions of others and enjoy what you love! They don’t own you, listening to them doesn’t make you happy so screw them with a pineapple.

simon-newman​​ reblogged your photo and added:

Also Ryuko and Senketsu is a valid ship.

eric-coldfire reblogged your photo and added:

Absolute valid ship, op. Ignore the haters and keep being you.

kuribo4indahouse​​ reblogged your post and added:

Just laugh at these Goop.

badgerjaw​​ replied to your post “goops, you’re starting to stoop to the level of those that are bugging…”

I don’t think this anon knows what patronizing means, nor can they tell the difference between getting a big head and acknowledging the amount you do in this fandom. To each their own, nonny, cheers

badgerjaw replied to your post “You realize some of us don’t have Tumblr accounts, we’re coming over…”

At least the shirt in question can consent; wonder if these nonnies are gonna get on the people who abuse their non-sentient socks?

“I'm sorry. I don't always necessarily agree with the ideas, but I haven't been offended.”

“And I know you're like, you know, a reasonable, nice person. So even if you did say something that came off as offensive, I wouldn't be up in arms about it, you know?”

“Hey Goop, I know this is coming really late but here's what I wanted to say

“You didn't deserve any ounce of that anon hate.

“I'm just absolutely stunned. There was nothing wrong with what you posted. Not then, not now. Because all you were doing was expressing your OWN interpretations. You weren't trying to claim anything as set-in-stone fact

“And... I don't understand. I don't understand why people are SO angry that another person has an opinion they don't share. In the end, what are we talking about here? An anime...

“Don't get me wrong. The topics you discussed were indeed important to talk about, and fiction definitely does influence reality. But the fact of the matter is that, when it comes down to it, your posts were simply you sharing some headcanons about some characters from an anime

“And... when you look at the grand scheme of things, I really do think those anons are really quite pathetic. I mean. Consider what sort of person they have to be so get SO angry over a post like ‘Hey I think Ragyo might be ace’ and say ‘How can you be this STUPID Ragyo is OBVIOUSLY a lesbian and YOUR WHOLE BLOG IS A BAD TAKE’ like really?????

“Actually you didn't even say ‘Ragyo might be ace,’ it was more of a ‘I personally feel like Ragyo is ace’ and?? What's the issue with that?????/

“I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I'm so upset that you're upset cause of those anons and all the hate you got over NOTHING

“Also, don't discount the fact that there are indeed people out there who agree with you. I know you mentioned that you don't think anyone shares the same opinions on Ragyo as you do. But in all my years of following you, I've realized one thing

“You and I... have the same opinions on EVERYTHING????????

“But let me be clear. That's not why I support you. It doesn't matter if we have the same headcanons. 

“Even if I disagreed with everything you said, I'd still support you. Because it's not the headcanons that matter—it's how respectful you are and how you're always trying to better yourself. You always try SO SO SO hard to express yourself in a reasonable and kind way, and you are always trying to be mindful of your wording and considerate of other people's opinions

“It really upsets me to see you apologize so much to people who don't deserve an apology.”

“Hi, Goop. I want to thank you for everything you do on this blog. I started getting into your Kill la Kill content in around 2016. I even keep a copy of your meta book downloaded on my phone to reread every now and then. 

“I think what I like so much about your writing is how in-depth and supported and thoughtful it all is. Kill la Kill is so easy for people to write off as just a flashy, over the top, fanservice show. I think the biggest takeaway from the show is that it truly is a story about friendship and love, and I’m glad that you write so, so much about this. It always gets me all giddy and excited when I see you post something new or when you reblog your old stuff. I first watched the show in 2014, then I rewatched it two more times, knowing that I liked it, but not knowing exactly why. 

“Until I started reading your blog. It’s really thanks to you that Kill la Kill is now my unbeatable, number one favorite anime ever. 

“You put into words so eloquently what I’ve always felt towards Kill la Kill since I first watched it. I want you to know I really appreciate you. Please know you have my support, and I hope you keep doing what you love.”

“First off HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ 

“I just hope that anon finds something more fulfilling than spewing hate and nonsense. Like model trains, or magic tricks. I know my life got a lot more bright when I kept my nose out of people’s business and started focusing on the things I love to do.”

“I'm sorry that you have to deal with these trolls. :/ Some people just like to get a reaction. 

“*would talk more but feels that the conversation is past its expiration* 

“I respect you for expressing your opinion. Lord knows how illegal that is when insecure people get offended.”

“super late at night for me and I should be sleeping but I saw all your responses and how you tried to handle things and just felt really bad. You're in a situation that things just can't be solved with a simple logical response. Like I said sometimes people just have a view and when they disagree they just need to attack others who are part of that disagreement.”

kurouga replied to your post “[[MOR] I already knew people felt this way about me, but I guess…”

You don’t know if it needs you? At times like these I’d say the fandom doesn’t deserve you. It’s always mind-boggling – and yeah, saddening – to recognize how readily people forget how to be civil and begin to hold the meaning they see in fiction as more important than the feelings and experiences of others. Meanwhile you’re classy, humble, patient, and resilient enough to have retained these qualities where so many others… haven’t. Nothing short of inspiring.

I’d say it’s reflective of the cancerous state of fandom environments that it’s so much easier to win support with sweeping, neat and tidy divisiveness – that is, by resorting to discouraging, dismissing, or ridiculing differences in opinion – than it is to garner support as a thoughtful proponent of discussion.

Those who would argue “This fandom would be perfect if only those people who have other opinions/ships would just *stop* already” are those who would rather reign over a wasteland than accept that their views aren’t threatened/invalidated by the existence of differing views. And they almost certainly don’t appreciate the irony in that the perfect victory they envision is one in which what remains of the fandom is all cut from the same cloth. Never stop being you, goop.

“Hey uh saw that you're going through some brutal stuff with a anon. But I wanted you to know you're handling it like a champ and hopefully they'll get on with their life soon!”

“No problem I always look forward to getting notifications for your posts. It's kinda sad that you can't talk about opinions on here without someone getting upset but I hope that doesn't stop you from continuing!”

“You write a lot about things and you're sure to upset someone but at least you're being honest and always try to resolve disagreements realistically. I'm sorry that you're crying and all but I hope you do feel better soon! It's gonna be your birthday after all ✌️”

“I don’t know if I clicked the right button. Sorry. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really, really respect your work and to thank you, because you bring so much happiness to life of me and my other friends. Keep up with your good work and continue to share love for Kill La Kill and for t h e m. *salutes*”

“hey! heard you'd been getting shit lately from people deliberately seeking to misunderstand the work you've put into the KLK fandom over the years (doubt you'd remember me but i'm still [blurred for privacy] on AO3). even though i don't use tumblr anymore on a regular basis, of all the people i met and knew, even tangentially, in this fandom, you've always stuck out to me as one of the loveliest and most dedicated fans and my favorite meta writer, period. please keep it up!”

korra-n-stuff​​ replied to your post “You realize some of us don’t have Tumblr accounts, we’re coming over…”

can these anons please go away? you’re wonderful goop, dont change. These people just has sticks in their asses

fromtheriverbanks​​ replied to your post “Guys, come on. It’s a work of fiction. People are allowed to like…”

I love your analysis. I tend to agree with the stuff about Ryuko and Senketsu and think it’s a big part of what makes the show beautiful. If there were PhDs in Kill la Kill, you would deserve one.

[emisonme]

X-Factor: Staged "reality"........

I have been planning this post, for a while now, but I have had a sudden influx of question, about X-Factor, so I thought I better get the lead out of my ass, and get it up. Most want to know, If I know how it works, and if I can try to explain the whole process, in a way everyone can understand. I'll give it my best shot.

I have discussed some of this before, in a post, a while ago, but I'll go more in depth, with this one. This information, is readily available, on the internet. All one has to do, is search for it.

The truth is, these damn glorified televised talent shows, are a fraud, disguised as a last resort, to chase your dream. Do they actually find and discover talented people? Yes, they do...but not necessarily the way they portray it. It's a huge ploy, to get talent THEY can manipulate, control, and make money off of.

The X-Factor (and the others) is, for the most part, scripted and rigged. They are certainly NOT what they show us, on the TV screen. It is a lot more of a tedious, in depth, process, than what is put to the public. The actual audition process, is nothing like what we are shown. The contestants, have to want this pretty bad, to actually go through all the shit they have to go through.

The first lie, is that all the contestants just show up, on audition day, to follow their dreams. That's total bullshit. These shows, including X-Factor, employ talent scouts, to scour the country, for contestants, with talent. They look to YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and other SM sights. They will call local talent agencies/agents and scouts, to see if they have anyone that might be interested, in doing the show.

Once the scouts find the talent, a producer, for the show, will contact them, and ask if they would be interested in auditioning for the TV show. If they really want you to participate, they will throw in incentives, like skipping some of the steps, in the audition process.

Those who weren't scouted and called, will sign up to audition, online. To sign up online, you give some basic information, about yourself, and a short video of you singing. If they think you fit, for the show, they will send you an E-Mail, telling you you have been invited to audition, and told when and where to show up, and what you should bring with you, to the audition.

There are actually four stages, to the audition process. The audience only gets to see one of them, and that’s the last one, otherwise known as the live audition, for the celebrity judges.

The first three stages, of the audition process, isn't televised. These three phases, are really called "producer auditions" but they are eloquently dubbed, "the cattle call". You heard Lauren mention this term, in one of her latest podcasts she was on. These three auditions take place months in advance of what we see on TV. In fact, all the girls, except Ally, were still, just turned, or about to turn 15 years old, during the first audition phase.

The cattle call is, usually, a three day event. The first thing you have to do, is register so they will know how many are there, and who is there. If you are under the age of 18, you MUST have a parent, or legal guardian, with you. (BTW you usually register, the day before the auditions begin). On audition day, you must be prepared to do a shit load of waiting.

They will tell you, the earlier you get there on audition day, the better. The reason for this, is to get a shit load of people there, at the same time, so they can record footage, of thousands of hopeful contestants, waiting outside the venue, to audition and chase their dream. That is the only part of the "cattle call" we ever see on TV. The recorded footage, of everyone waiting to get into the venue, to audition. And boy, are they disappointed when they actually get into the venue.

The first audition, there is no stage set up, at all. There are no celebrity judges there, at all. On the arena floor, there were 36 tables set up, all separated by black curtains, for partitions.

You sit in the arena seats, and wait for your row, or section, to be called down to the floor. You line up, and they direct you to one of the partitioned tables. When you get into the little partition, you will find ONE producer there waiting to hear you. That producer will ask your name, and what you are going to sing. You will only be allowed to sing, about 15/20 seconds of the song, before they stop you. That one producer, will give you a yes/no. If it's a no, your audition process is over. If it's a yes, you move on to the next round, of producer auditions. These take place on day two, of the audition process.

If you made it to the next round, it's much like the first. The only difference, instead of 36 tables set up, there is half that many, still partitioned with black curtains. Instead of one producer there waiting to hear you, there are two. They will ask your name, and what you are going to sing. They MIGHT ask you a few more questions, depending on the producer's mood. You get to sing about 30/45 seconds of your song, before they stop you. Both producers HAVE to be in agreement, for a yes, if not, it's a no, and your audition process is over. If they both agree on a yes, you are on to round number three.

If you made it to number three, congratulations, you are driven to achieve your dream. Lord knows, you have jumped through hoops, to get this far. Audition three, is different. Here, you are introduced to the interview process. Here, you go into an actual room. In this room, is a table, with 3 or 4 Executive Producers, of the show, and there is a camera set up in there, as well.

These EP's will ask you about  why you want to be on the show, what you hope to achieve from being on the show, and they will start to ask you  more personal questions about your life. They want the juicy stuff, that they can exploit for the show.

If you went through a break-up, great. If you lost a love one recently, that's even better. Have someone going through cancer, or any other life threatening disease, perfect. Have you ever been abused in any way, they start salivating with giddiness. The more trauma for you, the more drama they can exploit, for them.

Once they get the "story", you are allowed to sing your song. If they think your story is good for the show, you are put through to the next round. If you have talent to go with that story, even better, but it's not a requirement. If they don't think your story is something they can exploit, you are done with the audition process.

If the EP's have put you through to the next round, congratulation, they are fixing to exploit the fuck out of you... and you have also made it through to the live round, to sing in front of the celebrity judges. Yea!!! Now. let the real "fun" begin.

If you make it to the fourth and final round, this is when the brevity of the contracts you had to sign, to participate, kicks in. You have to fill out, a lengthy questionnaire, where they really delve into your personal life. You have to go through a background check. You are interviewed by a psychologist, employed by the show, to see if you are mentally capable to go through the bullshit the show actually puts you through. (also to make sure you aren't a threat to the judges, if and when they piss you off, or purposely make you feel like you are worth less than the shit on the bottom of their shoes) This is also when you are required to hand over the passwords to all of your social media accounts. They don't simply want to look at what you have on there, they want unfettered access to your accounts. (can you think of a reason why? I sure can?)

As for Camila and Lauren, the first three phases of their audition, actually took place in late March/early April of 2012. Lauren said, she was contacted three months after her first auditions, to let her know she had made it to the final round. The whole, "I like your shirt" moment. happened months before we were lead to believe. The audition we got to see, actually took place in early July. A three day process, that started on July 9.

With the "live" auditions, nothing happens, as it seems. First of all, the judges don't see thousands of auditions. There is only around 100/150 people, at most, from each audition site, that is chosen for the final round, and a shit load of those, are people who can't sing, or aren't quite good enough for the show. (they have to put some of them through, so they can give the judges their moment to "shine", or act like a total dick)

So, when Simon asks "who lied to you and said you could sing?" The answer is, the shows producers. They give people hope, so the judges can tear them apart, all in the name of drama, for the damn show.

Anyways, a boat load of this phase, is prerecorded, or taped footage. Like, when we see the contestants walk out on the stage, that was recorded earlier and edited in. That's why they tell the contestants to wear the same outfit, all three days of the live auditions.

A shit load of the audience reactions, are prerecorded, and edited in. Like, if they want the audience to chant something, or to react a certain way, they will prerecord all that, to edit it in, where the producers want it, and for which contestants.

They will prerecord all the interviews, and edit them in, where they want them. They will also ask questions, that have been predetermined, to get the most reaction. It's all bullshit. The only damn part that isn't scripted, is the actual audition/singing by the contestants.

Each contestant, is told to be prepared to sing more than one song. They have to be prepared to sing at least 3. So, when Simon asks if they have another song they can sing, he already knows, the answer is yes. That's all for show.

So, yeah, nothing is as it seems, with these damn shows. Let's move on to boot camp. There is one whole round, they didn't televise, at all. That was the "group round". This round, is when they made ALL of the solo contestants, pair up into groups, and sing a song together. This, is so Simon can hear, for himself, which of the solo artists will sound good in a group setting. Why? Because he knew he was going to manufacture a girl group. He just "manufactured" a few other groups, to make it look like he wasn't set on a GG. Like I said before, he KNEW, when he eliminated all five of those young ladies, as solo artists, that he was going to put them in a group together.

Even that scene was recorded multiple times. All you have to do, is watch the footage, and you can tell, that "scene" of him putting them together, was heavily edited, from at least three different scenes. Hell, that's why the show, had so many of the eliminated contestants, waiting in that courtyard. They had to make it look like, the ones who's names were called, got a genuine second chance. All for drama sake. Literally, it's all bullshit, to make the show look like they are really giving these people the best chance to chase their dreams. UGH!!!!!

Even Camila's story has changed. I don't doubt, they told her she was an alternate, just to sell the story, of her determination. But, if you remember, the story used to be; on the third day, they told her there wouldn't be time for her, and that she seen Simon, and went to him, and all but begged for a chance to audition. Recently, when she talked about it, the story changed to; on the second day, they told her not to bother coming back, and that she told them, if there was even a 1% chance of her getting to audition, she would be back. That the producers seen how determined she was, and gave her an audition slot the next day...They told her what to say, about how her audition came about, all to make Simon look better. THEY had control of the narrative. She said what she had to say.

These damn shows, don't need alternates. They tell contestants they are alternates, so they can get a story out of it. That's what they did with Camila, so they could manipulate her, to get a story. They did the same fucking thing, during one of the Britain seasons of X-Factor. Only, with that girl, they actually televised the whole damn thing. They had the girl run out, in the middle of another girls audition, begging for a chance to sing for them. They even went so far as to say "hey, stop her. Stop that girl". Problem is, it was so "spur of the moment" they took the time to mic the girl up first. I can't make this shit up. The video is on YT. I watched it, and instantly thought of Camila's story.

Anyways, moving on. Once the girls were put in a group, it was time to make sure they made it to the finals. I'm not saying Fifth Harmony wouldn't have made it to the finals, on their own merit, because they would have. What I'm saying is, it was time to rig it, to make sure they made it to the final three, and that's it. Making it to the finals, gave Simon and Syco contractual rights, to sign the group, through their signed X-Factor contracts.

I don't know if you have noticed, but the third place finishers, almost always, with a few exceptions, actually go places in the Industry. The winner, rarely if ever, makes it through the first year of their recording contract. It's actually planned that way. People love to vote for an underdog, or a sob story. The winners of the shows, aren't always the most talented, of the final three. They usually have the best story.

The winners, make their money, get the contract. Syco will usually release a couple of singles, maybe a cheap EP, rarely an LP, and then they are shelved, or released. The winners win, because of a dramatized television show. They rarely have what it takes, to actually succeed in the Music Industry.

So, there it is. MY OPINION, on the truth about X-Factor, and other shows like it. Like I said before, all of what I wrote, I researched the hell out of. All of it, was in articles written, or videos that I watched, all available on the internet. You can research it all yourselves, if you would like. It takes a while, but it’s there. I read countless articles and stories from actual contestants. I watched hours upon hours of YT videos, to get all this information. You don't have to take my word for it. You can look into it yourselves, and you will come to the same conclusions I did.