#btw all of you are not ready for all the dog man art I will be posting

[starblitzy-started-a-fire]

Patiently waiting to go see the Dog Man movie

[cinder-starlight]

Biker Mice fic concepts!

1/2

Part 2 can be found here

this is concept art I have for a fic I’m planning on making after I finish the ‘94 series, a few notes before I get into it:

- this is 1 of 2 parts, once I post the other part I will link it to this post for those who haven’t seen it and vice versa, this post will focus on the concepts/ideas me and a friend have for a fic

-I’m not done with the series, this is just what I have so far, I’m on S2 E16 as of now, but a lot of the fic is gonna be heavily based off the ‘94 show

-no spoilers for the fic itself

Special thanks to my homie @voiddraws2much who is watching the series with me and helping me with the fic (wonderful artist btw)

Also there’s a lot of words to go with the art so I hope you like reading lol

First and foremost I kinda wanna start with Limburger and his goons,

This was my first concept of them wholeheartedly, I might tweak them all later but out of everyone I’m proud of how greasepit and Fred turned out

For Fred—we liked the idea that he was just a weird little guy, but since we specialize in man-made horrors we wanted to kick it up a notch, making him specifically a mutant/hybrid between an octopus, lion, dog and human. Y’all aren’t ready for the angst I have planned for this little guy

For Greasepit—me and my homie took a surprising liking to him, we felt bad for him a good chunk of the time even when he was being evil (when I tell you the scene where he’s crying about his life savings broke us, we were devastated for the poor guy). I don’t know how much of his life or past gets mentioned if at all in the show but me and Void conjured quite a story for him to work off of.

For Karbunkle—we planned that he was the first to work with/for Limburger, with Karbunkle having the longest history with him compared to Fred and Greasepit combined. (I’m aware I made him a little too crusty of an old man and that may or may not be fixed—I’m struggling drawing this guy). Can’t say a lot on him since it might spoil what I have planned but let’s just say he was Limburgers ticket to earth >:]

Finally for Limburger—the idea behind him was for plutark to have a bit of an evil underwater vibe, think bioshock but more unsettling. I gave Limburger the uncanny design of a human-like fish with the idea that I wanted him to be as scary as his actions towards the world and people he has working for him. I wouldn’t consider this a spoiler but an idea we have for him is that he’s wearing the skin of the real Lawrence Limburger, giving him an uncanny appearance if you look too close, as per this drawing Void did of her take on his human disguise.

One thing that kinda threw us off with the series was the fact Plutarkian’s stink, I understand it’s a bit, cheese stinks, fish stink—but Void proposed that Plutarkian’s begin to stink once they’re out of water for too long—which is what I’ll be applying rather then them being rancid 24/4, with the added bonus that they smell like corpses rather than—whatever the mice smell them as. We’d also like to lean in harder to the kind of greedy and corrupt person Limburger is and the people he represents.

One thing we both liked was how they’d hire mercenaries each episode almost—though I don’t think we’d be adding and redesigning EVERY character they’ve summoned, but we are looking to add a very particular fellow and his lady.

Hard Rock and Darla—I know they only really had a role in the S1 finale (as far as I know) but they felt too iconic, something about their dynamic was adorable, Hard Rock reminded me of Jareth the goblin king for some reason while Darla felt like a mix between the hex girl Luna and Calypso from potc (style wise for both). I definitely wanna make them at least a little more significant—maybe even tie into one of the mice if anything >w>

Void’s take on Hard Rock (left) and my takes on both Hard Rock and Darla(right)

Next

The Mice! Plus their human

This one was a bit of a head scratcher since for the most part we wanted to keep it the same but also had to tinker around a little, so they’re still under some construction.

For Throttle—I for the life of me cannot get the vibe I want right, something about his style is too iconic to change but I wanna spice it up a little, so here’s the few outfits/concepts I came up with for him—after the road ravens episode I couldn’t NOT give him sleeves, he looks sick as hell! Although I don’t really count it as a spoiler since I did somewhat mention it in another post—this squeaki boi is my target for my oc x canon shenanigans >:] look at him, how could he not be?

For Modo—Definitely love this goober, but I had to throw a shirt on him—what if he gets cold :c I was fighting to try and redesign the harness thing on his chest—initially wanting to go with a more cyberpunk style but changed it to a thicker vest of sorts inspired by military gear.

For Vinnie—I think out of everyone Vinnie’s design was set from the start, I drew him once and immediately loved it, the only idea I had was him being the type to strap dynamite or flares to himself without regards for his safety. In Void’s words “he’s always tweaking” other than that a part of me is trying to contain the amount of angst I have planned for this guy, I don’t even think Modo is safe either I’m rubbing my hands together like an evil fly

Modo and Vinnie’s concept designs can be found in this post

Safe to say for throttle and Modo though that our only thought was this:

For Carbine—Truthfully I initially didn’t have a lot planned for Carbine especially since we only saw one episode of her, but I read a bit of the recent comics and saw snippets of her character elsewhere and read a little about her from other fans, me and my homie void have very differing thoughts on her but it was agreed we had to fix her fit (my cousin said her og design looked like she was dressed in mustard???- I’m wheezing-)

I definitely am looking forward to potentially writing/drawing more of Carbine, I have quite a bit planned for her for when she comes up accompanied by Carbine and Throttle angst, I love drinking tears if you couldn’t tell—

Finally for Charley—we don’t have a lot planned for Charley other than our own takes of her backstory (idk if her actual backstory is ever mentioned in the show or comics, we just took creative liberties with this) and her trying to help with the guys, I love that she wanted in on the action and although I feel she doesn’t get to throw hands often enough, I think she’s always one bad day away from putting someone in the hospital lol

As for characters like stoker, Harley, rimfire etc. we’ll have to cross that bridge when we get there QwQ

I am eepy and have been concocting this post for a while now even while the poll was pending so I will frankly have to leave the oc’s, other canon characters I plan to use and world based concept art for the next part of this post QwQ

Hope y’all enjoyed tho :3

[amypihcs]

Mr Sherlock Holmes (2.0 - der Doppelgänger)

Here we go! It's sunday and ready for some more hound of the Baskervilles! Of course, put on your yaoi goggles!

First of all, Holmes and Watson had a very nice little date at the picture gallery

And Watson, honest man as he is, cares to inform us about his beloved's shortcomings about art. I'm sure they often joke about it!

Now back to work! Just gossiping with the Hotel's reception

Not gossiping, ofc, GETTING INFORMATION. You can't change my mind on Holmes being one of the best gossips in London when he feels like that!

Now we did get some int- WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING NOW?!

They nicked ANOTHER boot?!

They did!

well, someone stops the american, pls?

We have a CASE to solve! And Holmes is so, so happy and invested! all very nice!

NOW. Sir Henry decided to go to Devonshire at the end. And there's nothing we can do about it. But still we have to put set stuff straight. Like, you know you're dogged, right?

DOGGED?! WHAT? BY WHO?! W- AAAH

Okay, do write this telegram, there's noooothing that can go wrong!

BTW, -getting some tea-, tell me about this Barrymore!

LET ME GET THAT AMERICAN BASTARD'S NECK I'LL TIE IT INTO KNOT.

SPOILED RICH BRAT, NEVER HAD TO CARE FOR A FLAT, HAVE YOU? YOU'D KNOW THAT EVEN KEEPING SUCH A HALL LIVABLE TAKES ONE HECK OF A JOB YOU- -i am forcibly shut down-

Now inquiring for a motive.

Mortimer, lad. That is suspicious to say. a lot. That is EXACTLY Holmes' job and he's doing it WELL! How much money did Sir Charles have at the end?

Holmes and Watson both going 'the hell? do people with so much money EXIST?!'

As Jeremy reminds us:

And it DOES! That's one hell of a motive! It's close to a million of motives!

NOW! You SHOULD go, sir Henry, but not alone!

And i SURE can't come... i am... BUSY, YES, SOOOO BUSY!

They agree for leaving on Saturday and the investigation goes ooooon! Two telegrams arrive to prove that two ideas can't work and yes, let's take it PHILOSOPHICALLY!

We still have one more threat in our hands! -Holmes giving Watson tiny kisses -

Here's the third thread!

Nothing against you my man! Just few answers, you had a guy on with you, yes, right. Ah, he said he was a detective.

Anything else?

WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING HELL?!

Okay. Damn. Okay. Time to send in some fencing metaphors! Damn. three on three gone!

it IS an ugly and dangerous busyness. Holmes will be very very worried until it won't be solved. everything will be well!

We'll see how it'll go in the next episode!

[emry-stars-art]

tell us about the royals au!!! (im on my knees. please.)

Ohhhhh my friend you have started me on a RANT I hope you’re ready!!!

I don’t know that I’ll ever actually write it so I’m not too worried about spoilers, and the wonderful people in my dms (which are still open btw) bouncing ideas with me are always going to come up with great ideas so I’m putting WIP in big red letters, things are subject to change! But for now, some ideas. Most of what I have will be under the cut, but if you want to know more about a specific part/have any questions please I’d love to chat :D will link to the art/posts I have so far!

(In this au I’ve been referring to Neil as Nathaniel at first and then Abram (hello names as a plot device), and everyone else right now is some version of their name)

Kevin and Nathaniel were raised at Evermore castle, Kevin to be in direct competition to Riko/see which of them might claim the throne (not thought out yet), and Nathaniel as the Moriyama’s attack dog, born and raised to take his father’s place as such. The two never met in person, but Nathaniel knows and recognizes Day because of course he does, and Day knows the name Wesninski means a very, very dangerous person. Essentially the top assassin on the continent.

But as we do, Day decides he can’t/won’t handle the treatment anymore, whatever the last straw may be, and runs off to Palmetto in a kind of desperate chase of the stories his mother used to tell him when he was little. He knew she loved that kingdom. Somehow he finds Wymack - the twin’s royal advisor - or Wymack finds him, and once Wymack realizes who this kid is and has reason to believe he’s not here on Evermore business, he puts Day’s incredible talent and training as a tactician/commander to work as his pupil.

Meanwhile Nathaniel is still at Evermore, mistreated and learning from his own failures and mistakes until he’s nearly as good as his father at the family business.

I don’t know how long Nathaniel plans it, but he either plays the part for long enough or his skill is so undeniable that when the Moriyamas have plans for the Palmetto Kingdom, they send him and one other accomplished fighter to kill the king. Nathaniel goes quietly and decides he’s not coming back if he can help it.

So instead of killing the young king, Nathaniel’s panic has him turn on his partner at the very last second, stopping them just before they can get to the king. He takes them somewhere far away and does what he does best, leaving no one to report back to the Moriyamas. From then on it’s a waiting game to see how long the family will wait before they send someone after him.

Day’s followed them, and Nathaniel turns around from the body and sees this man he hasn’t seen in years, alive and safe away from Evermore. It’s as elating as it is crushing - because Day heard his partner call him by name, and there is no way Day will ever let a Wesninski walk away alive. Not if he knows what’s good for all of them.

Except Day doesn’t kill him, even when Nathaniel asks him to. (Better Day than Riko, Nathaniel knew that even when they were all stuck at Evermore). Instead, he takes Nathaniel back to the twins/Wymack, gives him a little bread, and they sit until he can pry out an explanation. (See the comic of this first meeting here.)

Day and Nathaniel spend most of their time together because Day refuses to let Nathaniel out of his or Wymack’s sight until he proves not a threat to the royal family, which proves an issue because between Andrew’s rotation of personal guards (he never gets along with them well enough that they stay/aren’t fired) Day is Andrew’s guard, which sometimes means Nathaniel is stuck a lot closer than Day would like. But after a long, long time, Day and Wymack decide Nathaniel was serious about the whole “runaway” thing and isn’t playing spy (maybe there’s some dramatic event/Nathaniel protecting a twin that convinces them or maybe it’s just a lot of little things over time). Andrew, after a rough spat with the latest guard, is again in need of a new one. Finally Day just asks “is there ANYONE you could possibly pretend to get along with that can do the job” and Andrew knows Nathaniel is dangerous he just doesn’t know exactly how or why (but oh he is curious) so maybe he just straight up says. “Wesninski.” And Day has to go “…. Fine.”

So boom. They knew each other superficially before, but now Andrew and Nathaniel are spending most of their time together and miraculously - no arguments. No spats. Day thanks the gods there’s no physical altercations (that’s probably what got the last guard fired so quick). Nathaniel is just a mystery with shady ability to tell the truth and Andrew can’t help his curiosity. Good old fashioned andreil :D

From here the timeline becomes essentially nonexistent, I have no idea when these things happen in relation to each other but so far they’re all things I like and want to include!

1) there’s plenty of games and competitions at Palmetto, we love a good tussle, and Nathaniel usually does quite well - he’s not good at playing fair, but his underhanded methods are not technically illegal and usually he can use his preferred weapon - dagger rather than sword. He does well except for the one time an opponent accidentally says/does something that was constantly said or done to Nathaniel while “training” at Evermore, and he comes back to Andrew and the tent he watched from in the beginning of a panic attack. Andrew doesn’t know anything about Nathaniel’s past at this point, but he knows a panic attack when he sees one. In trying to talk him through it, Andrew realizes that yes Nathaniel is scared of being hurt, but he’s more afraid of hurting others. Nathaniel won’t let Andrew call him by name, he flinches every time Andrew says it. After, Andrew asks what he should call him instead, and Nathaniel finally asks to be called Abram.

2) Balls! Masquerades! Abram doesn’t have many outfits, he wears the regular issued uniform to every event. Andrew will not stand for this. Abram always wears clothes that cover him fully, which is fine, Andrew can work with that. He’s still seen Abram in a tight shirt or two. So he commissions one of the most knowledgeable people in the court (we’re thinking it might be Allison, she’s a noble but she’s great with textiles/embroidery/etc) and gets Abram a new outfit. It still covers him, its still protective material, but it looks better. (Find Abram in a corset here). Andrew handles it totally normal and rational in his head when he sees Abram actually wearing it of course.

3) Day probably assumes for a little while that Andrew and Abram have got a more or less normal guard/charge relationship, even thinking it’s slightly antagonistic considering this is Andrew we’re talking about. (This doesn’t fit the timeline, but here’s a mini comic of one of Day’s misunderstandings hehe)

4) king Aaron! He became king at 18/20/whatever age we decide this universe deems old enough because he is in fact the elder twin here. I imagine their parents have both been dead and gone for at least a few years at this point. Dan is Aaron’s guard and she and Abram hit it off great as coworkers and friends. More on the uncertainty of the twins backstory later. (Drawings of Aaron and his queen Katelyn here!)

5) the angst. The Moriyamas should have heard from the Wesninski boy months ago - something somewhere went wrong. So, naturally, they go to collect their property. If they get away with it, we can imagine how it goes. What I don’t know is if the twins, Day, and Wymack know for sure he was kidnapped or if they have a little nagging in the back of their head that wonders if he’s only run away from the castle or if he’s run back to Evermore with everything he’s learned.

When he’s recovered, Day doesn’t let Andrew too close too often for a while. If Abram forgets where is for even a second too long - waking up from a nightmare, having a flashback - it’s long enough for it to be fatal to whoever might get too close to Abram. It’s already almost proved fatal for Andrew, after Abram played normal so well that Andrew let it slip - he forgot Abram was taken back to Evermore for them to finish making him into a thoughtless weapon, and they’d nearly succeed. He wakes Abram too quickly and ends up extremely lucky Abram recognizes both his voice and the way Andrew didn’t call him ‘Nathaniel’ or ‘Wesninski’. There’s really a huge amount to possibly be covered about this point so I won’t go into detail here - but if you like hurt/comfort you know where to find me 👀

6) the biggest thing we haven’t figured out is Andrew. Either he was kidnapped at a young age and only recovered in his teens, or the elder King Minyard didn’t much care for his second son. Though I’ve always liked the idea of Mr. Minyard being a good man who died shortly before the twins’ birth and their mother just couldn’t handle the grief or knowing that the twins look like him. Anyway a lot of the twins’ issues after both of their parents are dead are the advisors or other people around them that try to take advantage of their youth and inexperience for their own gain, without realizing that both Aaron and Andrew have had to grow up much too fast, each for their own reasons. They can usually see right past the tricks. It’s why they both trust Wymack so much - he’s one of the few adults that are truly there to help them, and not make decisions for them.

Im sure there’s more I missed, but this is long enough as it is lol. People have asked about the Trojans/Jean in this au, and I’d love to include them! My brain’s instinctive response is that Jeremy is some sort of high end noble/royal of a faraway kingdom, and Jean (always last to leave the nest, im so sorry baby) somehow gets over there, but I don’t have an idea of his or anyone else’s roles yet. Renee could even still have a hand in him getting there if we really want.

So I’m still writing snippets and drawing over here lol but i promise I don’t bite if you want to talk :D

[pixelatedanimereviews]

Fall 2023 Plan to Watch

Happy Fall Ya'll

As today is the first day of fall, and the last season of anime for 2023 is fast approaching, I figured there was no better time to list out what we'll be watching for the Fall 2023 Season.

This is in by no means order of rank, just how they got colleged together. All in all, we'll be starting the season with 25 shows and 4 (at the time of posting) that we'll be keeping an eye on for an official release as they still haven't been picked up.

Spy x Family Season 2 《Action ▪︎ Childcare ▪︎ Comedy》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 7th} If you haven't seen Spy Family (btw I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be Spy vs Family, but whatever) then that's on you I guess. Like you still have time to go watch season one, and you should because it's about to get good! I'm just excited for some good comedy mixed with just the right amount of James Bond style action.

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End 《Adventure ▪︎ Drama ▪︎ Fantasy ▪︎ Magic》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Sept 29th} I first heard about Frieren from one of Gigguk's videos when he was talking about the manga. I love me some true fantasy anime, and I have a feeling that if the anime is as good as the manga is, that I'll be writing probably several think pieces about it.

The Kingdoms of Ruin 《Action ▪︎ Adventure ▪︎ Fantasy ▪︎ Gore ▪︎ Sci-fi》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 6th} The premise of Machine vs Magic/revenge plot seems really interesting, and I'm intrigued by the Gore tag.

The Vexations of a Shut-in Vampire Princess 《Fantasy ▪︎ Vampire ▪︎ Comedy》 {HiDive ~ First Episode Aires Oct 7th} This looks like silly nonsense, and we love the "Vampire that doesn't drink blood" troop.

I'm Giving the Disgraced Noble Lady I Rescued a Crash Course in Naughtiness《Fantasy ▪︎ Romance ▪︎ Comedy》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 4th} This title is a mouthful, but I'll forgive it as long as there is a good amount of sassy comedy.

The Apothecary Diaries 《Drama ▪︎ Historical ▪︎ Medical ▪︎ Mystery》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 21st} I know a lot of people are super excited for this show. We really enjoyed Raven of the Inner Palace and are excited to see more shows just like it. The animation and artwork in the promo video look gorgeous, so we'll see if it lives up to the hype.

The Ancient Magus' Bride Season 2 Part 2 《Fantasy ▪︎ Magic ▪︎ Mythology ▪︎ Slice of Life》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 5th} I'm so ready for this part 2! We fell in love with series back when season one first started airing. The art, the world building, the characters and their growth, and the mix of mythology is just so perfect! So excited to get to be back in this world and experience the journey it takes us on!

Ragna Crimson 《Action ▪︎ Fantasy ▪︎ Isekai 》 {HiDive ~ First Episode Aires Sept 30th} Dragons. That is all.

Undead Unluck 《Action ▪︎ Supernatural ▪︎ Comedy》 {Hulu ~ First Episode Aires Oct 6th} Look, all I know is that the last couple of anime that Disney has acquired have been bangers so I'm not going to miss out on this either.

I'm in Love with the Villainess 《Fantasy ▪︎ Girls' Love ▪︎ School ▪︎ Comedy》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 2nd} This is one of two Yuri that we are getting this season. This one looks to be silly and goofy, and I'm always down for some silly girls love fun!

Butareba - The Story of a Man Turned into a Pig - 《Fantasy ▪︎ Isekai ▪︎ Comedy》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 7th} This.........I mean why not. As long as it doesn't take an Inukai-san's Dog turn then I'm sure it'll be entertaining. I'm hoping for my sanity that it's just wholesome fun.

I Shall Survive Using Potions! 《Fantasy ▪︎ Isekai ▪︎ Reincarnation 》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 7th} You know, every seasons got have at least 3 dumb, turn your brain off, lazy writing but oddly fun Isekais. This will probably be mine for the season.

FLCL: Grunge 《Action ▪︎ Avant-garde ▪︎ Comedy ▪︎ Mecha ▪︎ Sci-fi》 {Max (HBO) or Adult Swim ~ Currently Airing (Sept 8th)} Oops, I guess I'm already behind. Oh well! I'm also adding Shoelace to this as well because it aires in a couple of days (Sept 30th), but other than an article saying that it'll be on Toonami there's no official release posting for it. Anyways, I'm excited to see it, as that grunge punk artsy look is something I don't see often, but I enjoy it when I do. I heard the last two spin-offs didn't do great so I'm hoping these don't fall flat.

Firefighter Daigo: Rescuer in Orange 《Action ▪︎ Adult Cast ▪︎ Drama》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Sept 30th} I'm going to give this 3 episodes. I'm hoping for some intense drama, but have a feeling that this will feel like one of those "cop propaganda" shows that are prolific here in the US.

Shy 《Action ▪︎ Drama ▪︎ Super Power》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 2nd} Who doesn't love a shy Super Hero trying to overcome their shyness to save to help maintain the safety of the world! I'm gonna give it at least 3 episodes because this could either be really good or really bad.

KamiErabi GOD.app 《Action ▪︎ High-Stakes Game》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 4th} I was really worried at first that this was going to be some kind of spin-off of King's Game. None that the synopsis is out, we're worried it'll be some kind of mash-up between King's Game and Platinum End. I want to be wrong. Please, let me be wrong.

16bit Sensation: Another Layer 《Adult Cast ▪︎ Otaku Culture ▪︎ Comedy ▪︎ Workplace》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 4th} Hehe haha, twist of fate, now you work on this hentai game in order to help us save the studio and also your job. I'm just enough of a degenerate that I'll probably enjoy this.

Migi & Dali 《Mystery ▪︎ Comedy》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 2nd} Mystery Comedy? Spooky twin boys that pretend to be one boy. Huh.

Protocol: Rain 《Drama ▪︎ Video Games》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 7th} Take the "High School Idol group that's trying to save their school" troop, but make it e-sports, net boys, and the net cafe that "saved" them. Hoping it'll be interesting.

My New Boss is Goofy 《Adult Cast ▪︎ Slice of Life ▪︎ Comedy ▪︎ Workplace》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 7th} I don't know why, but a part of me was hoping that this man's boss was actually Goofy, but it's not Disney Jailed so there was, not gonna lie, a bit of disappointment when I realized that wasn't the case. I'll still watch it. Just means that I'll have a few less "Hyuck" jokes when I do my review.

A Girl & Her Guard Dog 《Romance ▪︎ School》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Sept 28th} We are...apprehensive about this one, but will give it at least 3 episodes, but if it gives us the creeps due the Age-Gap Romance troop then will probably drop it.

Stardust Telepath 《Girls' Love ▪︎ School ▪︎ Comedy ▪︎ Supernatural 》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 9th} This is the other comedy Yuri this season, but this one has an alien girl instead!

Ron Kamonohashi's Forbidden Deductuons 《Detective ▪︎ Mystery 》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 2nd} Wow are we a sucker for these kinds of shows. However, we've seen these swing from really good to truly awful. Hopin' I don't have to drop this one.

The Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch 《Fantasy ▪︎ Slice of Life ▪︎ Comedy ▪︎ Supernatural 》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 1st} A funny, lighthearted story about a Witch and her silly little human she raises. This will probably be what I watch to wind down in the evening.

Tearmoon Empire 《Drama ▪︎ Fantasy ▪︎ Comedy ▪︎ Romance ▪︎ Time Travel》 {Crunchyroll ~ First Episode Aires Oct 7th} Ah, the old is Time Travel just Isekai debate. We, for one, do not think that it is as it's still that same world even if time has changed. That aside, there isn't enough of these one world time travel shows these days, so it'll be interesting to see how this one shakes out.

These are the 4 that, at time of posting, do not have an official release (streaming or other media) to the US

The Four Brothers of Yuzuki - Where are there parents? Who is the main brother this story is about? Will there be overwhelming merchandise of these brothers who look the same but are different ages as well? These are the important questions that may never get answered.

Paradox Live - I don't know why, but for some reason, I'm getting DMMD vibes off these guys. I love DMMD. Why is this not available here in the US?

The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Love You - I very vaguely remember playing this clicker idol game. Kinda sad I probably won't get to see how this show turns out.

You Were Experienced, I Was Not: Our Dating Story - Experienced how? I need to know! Don't keep secrets!!

[ventrue-in-control]

Jackie Mczyne

since I never made one before cuz im bobo the fool

Name: Jackie Emanual Abdul Mczyne Pronouns: he/him they/them age: 25 forverer but 70 in total (30-7) Nationality: British-Tanzanian Species: Vampire (VTM) Clan: Ventrue Sect: Camarilla Location: Andover (primarily) and Swindon (secondary) Personality: egotistical anarchistic idiot Partner: @misericorsalvator Sire: @keeper-of-lions Notes: This man is a germaphobe and has a bit of OCD. Also can NOT handle physical toutch what so ever. If he was a bird he would be an impundulu

There are no specific rules for interacting with my blog! Just dont be focking racist cuz ill feed your kidneys to the dogs

THINGS ARENT TAGGED SO BE WARNED OF GORE BLOOD AND WHAT HAVE YA NOT you can of course ask me to tag certain things I will appologize because I may very well forget orz plz do remind me.

More rambles under the cut off

You've unlocked the extra rambles! congrats! Im so sorry as this may just be incomprehensible

first of all Hi! Im birdy, 24 years old, a black trans animator from the netherlands. I do da drawing and da makin of da gaymes. I stream on twitch you are always free to reach out to me here in DM's or else on discord The-Nerdy-Birdy#0918 <- JUST BE AWARE I was terrible social anxiety and I may be slow to respond THAT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU PLEASE KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU Im just silly :3 and have my moments. I promise ya tho I love to talk and ramble.

WITH THAT OUTTA THE WAY MY BOI OH HOW I LOVE HIM SO HE CAN SOMETIMES BE A BIT OF A BITCH AND I AM SORRY. HE CAN BE MEAN. ITS JUST A CHARACTER THOUGH BUT IF I EVER GO TOO FAR LET ME KNOW PLEASE I DONT WANNA HURT NOBODY

anyways, quick summary about jackie.

Jackie went through a lot in his living years! going through the 50s to the 80s as a black man in the uk certainly was something! He used to be a genuine sweet and caring kid and now he still cares but hes very jaded by the world. He used to be part of the british black panther party and he has many opinions bout stuff and politics! but he has quited down quite a bit after his embrace.

he has a bit of a shortfuse cuz folk keep threathening him and hurting him so he is quite defensive. sadly he does not have the brains to see yet that he himself also hurts people and he should be a bit nicer to folk sometimes!

He cares tons about his friends and those who he considers fam. he does not enjoy seeing folk get hurt but.... if push comes to shove he will always choose himself. hes all he has. and all he can rely on and nobody is worth destroying himself over. atleast he'd like to think that. he does however often finds himself choosing his friends over himself and he hates it.

EHHHH FASHION WISE. He basically runs a GIANT company called SALMON which both makes ready to wear as haute couture. he is not the sole designer of it al. but he is most well known. he is a bit of a control freak with his company (not much better outside it either) so he will pick up more work than he should resulting in him always stressing about something.

he has many other companies also and a whole buncha other lore PLEASE ASK ME BOUT ME BOI HE IS ALMOST 10 YEARS OLD AND HE MEANS A LOT TO ME.

EHHH IDK WAT ELSE TO ADD SO U GET SMALL FUN FACTS!

Jackie is terrified of moths his handwriting is actually a perfect typewriter font he is really good at math! unlike me! cant see shit without his glasses was part of the british black panther movement HIS FEEDING RESTRICTION IS FOR ME TO KNOW AND YOU TO FIGURE OUT TEEHEE He wishes to become prince someday fave color is salmon of course.

HAVE SOME MORE ART OF HIM ALSO

HIS COTERIE BTW HOW COULD I FORGET! He is actually from a still active chronicle! though I most things on dash arent like canon lol In order the characters are: Tommy Riley Jackie Ada and Chris. they all hate each other and they has an awful time together :)

[arttrampbelle]

Ok i have a silly self indulgent au ideas.

They are called character pov aus. They are where you are now in the character in question's place. So i.e. pov au: you are now protecting earthrealm as a god in raiden place. Now you are in raidens pov. How would you handle it? What would you do differently? Etc.

So i made a fun Johnny cage pov au. Where I'm in Johnny cages place. So I'm a Hollywood heartthrob actress trying my best to survive mortal kombat. Trying to prove my prowess as a fighter. And make sense of the crazy. Pretty simple. (AS IT SHOULD BE WITH JC!)

The only difference besides it being well self insert pov. Sonya is a good friend not a lover. Liu is a crush,lao is a crush, Actually Jenny crushes on a lot of people ok. That never really changed. But not sonya. She's a friend. Kitana tho? Perhaps.

Oh and shang tsung you ask? Well he doesn't change much. Same ol sneky man. But he gets some time to show more of his martial arts mastery. And is a tad bit well nicer considering. Maybe a bit flirtatious. Maybe a crush.

Master boyd also LIVES! (For a bit longer that is. Or at least we get see more of him before shang tsung "illkays" him)

Tired to get that 80s/90s cali vibe. Tattoos too (cuz I'm extra ok?)

Rose gold,purple n pink neon. Foo-dog elements and kneepads.

Sunset aviator shades. Hell yeah.

Jenny cage is ready to show her glow. (Which i had start as pink/purple,than blue,then green,then gold/white. To show growth. Also btw the powers come from the natural chi/qi within. Not some ancient bloodline plot device. Nope. All natural non gmo)

And yes. Raiden is still sassy. And is still a tired dad trying hard.

[corpsentry]

this october i'm gonna draw something every day even if it's ugly as shit. 01

[cloudninetonine]

saw an art from lu-twilight-pup (i think thats the url?) and their banner is just wolf twilight in cowboy boots and a hat and i think it is very funny

... so what would happen if player tried to put wolfie in cowboy boots and a hat - mold

Okay, I saw this and I needed to do it.

Like, a life and death request for me.

@lu-twilights-pup (God I hope this tag works) I really hope you don't mind this and you like it (Hi, I'm a huge fan btw)

“Come on, Wolfie pup, one picture?”

Movies always told you to expect the unexpected, it could come from any angle. From deep underground, from the skies above- hell, it could be pretending to sell drugs to you in some alley when in actuality it was just some PO about to bust you-

Where were you going with this?

Movies always told you to expect the unexpected- shame Wolfie’s reaction was expected when he sent you a menacing growl, lips pulled over razor-sharp teeth towards your hunched figure, face falling into a pout.

“Listen,” You started, wrapping your arms around your knees, letting yourself fall onto your bum. “I know the outfit is already torture enough, so asking for a picture is ridiculous but you look so cute! I can’t not take a picture so let me take one and I’ll leave you alone, promise!”

If Twilight could speak in his wolf form you knew for a fact he’d probably curse Ordon’s name to the high heavens at you. It was bad luck that he stumbled onto you when you were going through your stuff, even worse that he was shifted into Wolfie, curiously eyeing your wares as you organised them accordingly, stumbling across the little outfit, your smile beaming.

“Hey, I remember this! We put JD’s dog, Perdita, into this!” You’d cried, examining the little hat and boots to go along with it as you let Wolfie sniff them. “She was such a polite little lady! She looked so cute, our little cowgirl!”

The idea popped into your head when you glanced over to the wolf, nudging gently at the hat curiously before you raised your hand, the beast freezing in a quizzical silence as you placed the item onto his head, pulling your head back to look at all his rooting, tooting, cowboy shooting glory.

A silence was shared, a showdown of the century hanging over the pair of you.

You glanced at the shoes.

Then back to your furry companion.

Back to the shoes.

Back to Wolfie’s narrowed eyes.

“...Gotta complete the fit.”

And you pounced.

In all honesty, you were surprised that Twilight didn’t try to rip your fingers off. Surprised that he went along begrudgingly with a few light nips here and there. He certainly did moan the entire time, wailed similar to a husky as you pushed the doggy boots onto his paws, moving back to see his outfit while he glared at you, mind freaking you into a puddle of goop while you grinned something maliciously cute towards him.

“What a polite young man!” Wolfie growled in defence but it burned away in his throat when you gently scratched his chin. “My little cowboy! Gonna hurdle cattle into a barn for me, smelly boy?”

The gentle nip at your fingers was probably deserved, but that didn’t stop you from pulling your phone out, and wiggling it teasingly.

“How about a picture?”

And that’s what lead you to now, a pouting pup ready to wreak havoc on you, his enthusiastic paparazzi, who merely wanted a keepsake for such a cute moment!

“Wolfieeeeeeeeeee~” You whined, flopping onto your side. “Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~”

Wolfie howled along with you in protest.

“Just one photo!”

He yelped out something similar to a no.

“Please!”

“Woof!”

“Please!”

“Woof!”

“PleasePleasePleasePleasePlease-”

He finally snarled, silencing your little scene.

Silence was once again shared between you.

Then you sighed.

“Fine, fine.” You gave in, standing. “I’ll leave you alone-”

Wolfie sneezed, shaking his muzzle and then flicking his tail.

“What? You said no didn’t you want to-”

A little garble fell from his mouth.

“Wolfie-”

The great beast stood once again, performing a small spin for your eyes, barking something once then doing a little pose, kicking his front paw up as well as his back paw, tail shoved between his hind legs in a sign of annoyance.

A moment passed before you giggled, leaning down to capture the pose then quickly shuffling over, pressing soft kisses to his maw and scratching lightly at the fur of his back.

“Good boy.” You praised, crying out when he licked at your face. “Ew- okay- okay! Let me get the stuff off you then!”

He didn’t fight you as you took off his little outfit, packing it away back into your backpack before hauling it over your shoulder, looking down at the wolf sitting quietly at your feet. “Thank you, cutie.”

With a final pat on his head, you disappeared into the foliage to find the others.

Twilight was quick to shift back at your retreating figure, hand coming to hold his forehead with a laugh of disbelief, leaned back on his hand.

“The things I do for love.”

The things he did indeed.

(I made it slightly shippy at the end, I got soft, sorry guys not really)

[the-illiterate-pirate]

Btw here's this

@dirty-brainrot made this and even let me post and edit this work of art. No credit goes to me, it's all Deer and her pretty braincells at their best. Ok I'll shut up

What's New, Pussycat?

Warnings: NSFW. Very not sfw.....sub Weather and dom Reader supremacy. And,,, Catboy Weather..........................

Weather report misses you, your voice, your loving touch, and your smile. Mostly your warmth on his cock.

He rushes into your room, searching for any kind of your clothing he can get his hands on. Rummaging around your items until he saw your shirt in a corner that you wore yesterday. It was dirty, yes, but it had your scent. Your lovely smell that he craved.

Grabbing the piece of clothing, he brought it up to his face to take a whiff of your scent. He groans, eyes droopy as his dick grew harder.

Unable to contain himself, he went to your bed, removing his boxers that restricted his cock in the process. Oh, how badly he needs you now.

Shoving his face into the covers, he took a big sniff, desperately moaning into the soft pillows. His large hands kneading the shirt.

He slips the shirt on the pillow imagining it was you under him, calling him your good boy and telling him how well he was pleasing you.

Hugging the pillow while he began to thrust into it like a dog in heat, he takes another sniff. His eyes roll back into his head as he moans into the pillow, gripping the sheets for dear life.

Quickly, he was already nearing his orgasm just with your scent. He went all in, humping the pillow with your shirt on it as quick as he possibly could. Chanting your name over and over like a mantra and clutching at the sheets until he finally came. Long strings of thick cum splurting everywhere, making a mess of your bed and covers. He collapsed into your sheets, exhausted and shivering. He definitely needed to clean that up soon.

He shivered, suddenly feeling cold from an unknown source of wind. It could just be his post-orgasm... His humping stopped while he tried to regain his breath as he turned his head to look at the door, expecting nothing but he was shocked to see you leaning on the door. Shocked and horrified. A disappointed look graced your face.

Why didn't he hear your steps?! Getting his senses back, he fumbled to hide his shame with his Stand's clouds. The click of your tongue scared him stiff "Naughty boy~ You didn't even wait for me?" As he tried to get off your bed, he was suddenly pinned by you. Pushing his pink face into the cover, with his dick still hard and overstimulated. He couldn't help but moan at the friction of grazing the pillow.

"Do you know what happens to impatient brats like you, Weather~? And look at this mess! How will I sleep now?" Nervous and once again turned on, he gulps and whispers feeling your hands massage his ass. "I-I get punished... I'm sorry." Accepting his response, you brush your other hand through his hair. He subconsciously purrs at the feeling but it was short-lived when you grabbed a fist of his hair, pulling his face up, making the man hiss and wince.

"Meow for me." You demanded, the hand on his ass reaching to your desk beside the bed. With the subtle hints, he knew what punishment he was going to receive which only excited him more.

"Mi-mi—Nyaou!" He cries as you tugged harder on his hair.

In one of the desk's drawers, you pulled out your torture device. "Hmm... Does this kitty deserve to be lubricated?" Letting go of his long white hair, you massaged his scalp before reaching further into the desk.

"Meow... Yes, please..."

Weather report stayed in his bent-over position, the pillows slightly making friction on his balls as you moved to get the lubricant out of the same drawer. "Alright~" He yelps at the sudden spank his ass, even though it wasn't too hard.

Squirting a huge amount of lube in your hands, you teased his hole whilst rubbing the dildo against his cheeks. The dildo was small but the vibration it gave was good, one of Weather Report's favorites.

Deeming he was ready, you slowly inserted the artificial dick. His thighs quivering along with his heightening moans. "My, my, aren't we vocal today?"

"I missed you so much..."

You laughed heartily making Weather blush harder and hide his face in the covers, muffling his moans. "How cute," He was getting shy from your laughter and simple comments, and getting rilled up enough to start humping the pillow once again.

"I'll be here all night, kitty."

—————

HEY

Go check Dirty out 🔫 they serve good food for all your rotted brains needs

[incorrect-deltarune]

I’m putting all my livestream comments on this and I’ll edit as we go. Enjoy!

Toby Hawk, Pro Skater

What’s better than this, three dads being dudes

Rip to ThreeDads

“Time to start the real game like real gamers”

Asriel canonically buds with a reluctant Burgerpants

Toby really said, “ha, you thought”

“So embarrassing with your mom loves you…I hate when that happens”

“Alphys’ square glasses were based off John Eggbert…no one needed to know that”

Worms

“This is all off the cuff bad jokes”

This panel really does have such dad energy

“I wanted people to be unsure here” yeah toby, i thought I was about to be murdered! Didn’t help it was halloween

“IT’S THE BOY!”

“Please guys, it’s a boy…I boy proofed the game”

TEMMIE!!!

“Don’t say it’s bad…btw it’s bad”

I love Toby’s both love and hatred of retro video game tropes

“Is that stubble or teeth?” “It’s stubble, he says he shaves it, shows what fan you are” “YOU CAN SHAVE TEETH!”

TORIEL OH MY GOD IM CHOKING ON SPIT

Well, that’s one way to go to commercial

ALL OF SANS JACKETS AND MONSTER KID!!!

“True gamers will never touch wall and never touch grass, only game”

Toby’s drawings of character concepts is me turning in my design for art class before the sculpture is made

“This forest is based off a leaf” “…a leaf?” “Yes”

Man, who needs an incorrect quotes blog, these four are more than enough with their correct ones

“This is what the stream is all about…piss”

“How come we never made does”

“Producers, can you get me a sword, the next time they say something stupid…I’ll be ready” Toby ain’t playing around

“Give me the sword” is so omnious coming from a robotic voiced dog

“A concert asked me if they could play like 3 songs…like long elevator, and I said…bro, u do u”

“That might be his real accent, who knows…he’s still bad at it”

THEY GOT TOBY A SWORD!!!

So happy to know that Toby codes how I do

“Burn up with the rest of the garbage of the universe” gO OFF TOBY

“This special boy removes his special headwear”

ASRIEL/RALZEI PLUSHIE

“BOLD AND BRASH, THATS SQUIDWARD”

“Patrick from the new nickolodian game will wave dash and kill me”

“Respect me”

“You’re mother loves you…you might be worried because your room has no stuff but your family loves you in this game” it’s come full circle

Kris has become Tantalus

“Oh my god, it’s Sans from Smash Brothers” the power to say this statement, toby I swear

“Sans will wave dash into my house and kill me”

THE DOG ON THE BALCONY

I look down for five seconds and now one of the dad is goat dad

TOBY FORGOT HE WAS IN JAPANESE

“We’ll see you soon” owo

OH MY GOD OH MY HOD IAOABEIQLA A OENF EUA A HIT CONTINUE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

TOBY I KNOW YOURE A DOG BUT FOR THE LOVE-HES MOVING

KRIS ATE A PIE OH MY GOD

TIME LOOP?! WHAT IS GOING ON?! FELLAS?!!!

Good social distancing from Toriel, thank her

SUSIE I LOVE YOU

NOELLE I LOVE YOU MORE

MAGICAL GIRL TRANSFORMATION?!

OH MY GOD

Thank you so much Toby and Co, it was a blast! Happy birthday Undertale and to many more!

[neko-loogi]

♡︎𝙰𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝙼𝚎!♡︎

Get ta know a li'l bit about me :))

*Reading this is optional btw

( ♡︎𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚞𝚝!♡︎ )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝙽𝚊𝚖𝚎: You can call me Loogi or Loo Loo! ( Any nickname is acceptable, I don't really mind what you call me! So things like dude, sis, bro, buddy, pal, are fine! Call me anything except babe. I'm not okay with people calling me 'babe' unless we're dating or we're really close. )

♡︎𝙰𝚐𝚎: I'm a legal adult (21)

♡︎𝙽𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢: I'm Puertorican! ( Therefore I can speak Spanish! )

♡︎𝚉𝚘𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚌 𝚂𝚒𝚐𝚗: I'm a Sagittarius ( My B-day is on December 19 )

♡︎𝚂𝚎𝚡𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢: I'm bisexual and polyamorous!

♡︎𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 / 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜: I identify as non-binary! My pronouns are.. ( She/They ) ( in Spanish it's Ella/Elle )

♡︎𝙵𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝙲𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚛: I really like Green, Pink, Purple, Yellow and Black!

♡︎𝙻𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚜: Sleeping all day, drawing weird shit, eating a bunch, owning lots of plushies, dogs, cats, or any cute animals. Cute or neon aesthetics, video games, kid movies, etc. Occasionally I might like creepy things, but it's rarely tho-

♡︎𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚜: Spiders ( or just gross bugs in general- ), drinking coffee ( at least if it's too strong and bitter ), heights, regular and social anxiety, math, and getting an artblock or a writer's block. I also hate people being a little too weird with me-

♡︎𝙲𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚂𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛.. D-16 (Megatron)..

♡︎𝙻𝚒'𝚕 𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚊 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚘♡︎

- I'm officially a college student, and my major is 3D animation and I have a minor on graphic design! I also want to study music, radio production and possibly how to start my own business!

- I'm actually really shy and timid, I have a bit of trouble talking to people ( both online and irl ) but I can be friendly! ( but I'm also kinda rude when I'm ticked off ).

- ^Side note to this, I'm an introvert. Therefore I don't mind going out to places but just know that my social battery can run out pretty quickly..-

- I really like to draw! ( I wouldn't consider myself an expert but my art is pretty decent )

- I like video games- if y'all wanna talk to me about 'em that would be fun! Or we can actually play together if that's cool too! ( Nintendo games are my favorite! :))

- I absolutely do NOT like to do RPs with people! ( I've had really bad experiences with it so it makes me very very uncomfortable when people ask me if I wanna RP, just keep in mind my answer will always be "no". )

- ^Also please don't randomly just DM and try to get all friendly with me out of nowhere, that shit is super awkward for me plus I can't just trust you right away. Things take time, okay?

- I'm really dumb sometimes, get used to it.

- ^In addition, I'm neurodivergent, I have dyslexia and ADHD..-

- I'm chubby and POC.. ( Latin American )

- I'm single and ready to mingle- ( but I also have trust issues, since people always seem to break my trust. Though I'm not looking for a relationship here, maybe on Insta perhaps- )

- I'm a selfshipper! So I ship myself with fictional characters. Please don't judge me for that ( especially since I'm literally not hurting anyone so you have no reason to be a dickhead )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝙵𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖𝚜 𝙸'𝚖 𝚒𝚗:

• Undertale

• FNAF ( Five Nights of Freddy's )

• TLOZ ( The Legend of Zelda )

• Mario Bros. ( if that even counts as a fandom )

• MHA ( My Hero Academia )

• DBZ ( Dragon Ball Z )

• Miss Kobayashi Dragon Maid

• Pokémon

• Hazbin Hotel

• Steven Universe ( Not Steven Universe Future, that shit sucks )

• Marvel

• Spider-Man ( Spiderverse )

• Batman ( Arkhamverse )

• KNY ( Demon slayer )

• Cuphead

• Splatoon

• Animal Crossing

• Transformers ( specifically Transformers One )

♡︎𝚂𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝙼𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚊♡︎

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝙻𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚝.𝚛𝚎𝚎:

• @//NekoLoogi ( all my socials are in here, but I'm going to list them down below! )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝙿𝚊𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚘𝚗:

• @//Neko_Loogi ( it's semi-nsfw, beware )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚖:

• @//neko_loogi ( this account is NSFW )

• @//clownie_arts ( this is my business account! )

♡︎𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚜:

• @//Neko_Loogi ( I barely use this but it's the equivalent of Twitter )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝚃𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛:

• @//Neko_Loogi ( this account is SFW but I barely post here )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝚃𝚒𝚔𝚝𝚘𝚔:

• @//neko_loogi ( I occasionally post there )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝙱𝚕𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚔𝚢:

• @//neko-loogi.bsky.social ( new Twitter, again. I barely post there, sorry- )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚍:

• @//Neko_Loogi#5917 ( I don't have a server yet sorry )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝚃𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚛:

• @neko-loogi ( you're right here lmao / it's NSFW-ish )

• @writer-loogi2 ( my second blog / it's also NSFW-ish )

• @loogi-selfships ( my selfship sideblog / it's kinda NSFW-ish )

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝙰𝚍𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝙽𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚘 𝚂𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚌𝚑!

• Friend code: SW-5153-9862-6221 ( it should appear as Neko_Loogi! )

• Animal Crossing Creator ID: MA-5374-8092-6969

• Happy Home Paradise (ACNH): RA-7750-5867-7934 (Legendary Designer!)

♡︎𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎! 💚

-𝙻𝚘𝚘𝚐𝚒 💕

°.♡┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈♡.°

♡︎𝙼𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝♡︎

[mwolf0epsilon]

Crazy idea that I figured right now. Thomas dosn't hear like someone that would get married, even with a person of his kind (g r u m p t y) so, Allison is a witch (cannon btw).. love potion? Sorry is pretty funny for me.

Summary: One of Allison's more peculiar interests turns out better than she expected, if only because of a slight mistake.

---

[[MORE]]

If questioned on the subject, Allison wouldn't exactly call herself a witch. She had an interest in witchcraft, sure, but she herself was not an expert nor a professional on the arts of ancient beldams and shamans.

She was, however, the owner of a vast and ever growing collection of tomes that were the aglommoration of such olden knowledge.

Of these powerful tomes came the biggest of her fixations: Potion brewing, more specifically the refinement of elixirs.

It was amazing what a few select ingredients could produce if you were to extract or prepare them in a certain way. From all natural remedies to combat the effects of illness, to powerful poisons and even blends that could condition the mind to do certain things.

It was an art that could be used to do as much good as it could do evil, and Allison knew a few select witches of the past had indeed done evil when others scorned them so. To the detriment of those that had been pure in their intentions, as were many of the victims of the Salem Witch Trials.

But Allison wasn't looking to do much with her knowledge besides sate her curiosity and test a few interesting blends. Most went into helping those around her anonymously...

A few drops in a cup of coffee and suddenly Jack's bad cough was gone. A whiff of her perfume, and Sammy was a lot calmer than he'd been a minute or so ago. Even a few delicious homemade cupcakes got everyone into a creative rut that kept Joey off their backs.

She was benevolent in her actions... But... There was one particular blend she wanted to try for more selfish reasons. A love potion of a sort, composed of natural aphrodisiacs and calming herbs.

One she hoped to try on the object of her affections, a man that had such an impeccable work ethic that she doubted he even knew she even existed (which was odd as most men often buzzed around her like bees to a flower, because of her attractive features). It frustrated her to no end that Thomas Connor was a difficult person to understand, or to get close to.

Her previous experiences with past boyfriends had always been quite linear, so the mysterious engineer being so hard to read was baffling. No man nor any woman should be a puzzle so hard to figure out, and her lack of progress on this matter only made her feel more attracted towards him.

So here she was, trying to find Mr. Connor's coffee mug, ready to slip him an all natural drug that would definitely turn his gaze towards her... You know, like some degenerate wench...

"Oh you've sunk low Al... You've sunk very low." She murmured to herself as she looked through the shared cupboard. There was a myriad of different mugs that were unique so as to distinguish them from someone else's property. A lot of people in the studio were against sharing their cups after all, thus this fun little measure that definitely wasn't making it hard for her right now.

She knew the mug with brightly colored polkadots was Norman's, as it was a silly play on his last name (one Mel had started as a means to poke fun at him). She also knew the white one with intricate depictions of songbirds and forget-me-nots was Sammy's (a gift to him from his sister apparently), and that the bright green one with stocky writing on it was Shawn's (Mr. Flynn was, after all, fond of yelling 'Top o' the Morning to ya' to everyone at the earliest hours of the morning).

But, for the life of her, she couldn't find a mug that she thought might fit Thomas's personality at all... They were all varying degrees of either pretty or silly and none really screamed his name. Not until she squinted and found one that was bland enough to be a no-nonsense GENT employee's pick.

A simple black mug with absolutely nothing extraordinary about it, sitting besides a white mug with paw prints on it (likely Wally's as he had a fondness for dogs).

Taking that bland old mug, she proceeded with her plan.

-

By 9 AM sharp, Allison was a bundle of nerves. She'd prepared Thomas's coffee separately before making everyone else their own mugs to avoid suspicion. Then she'd set out a plate of cupcakes (some vanilla, some chocolate) to make it seem like an innocent little gesture rather than the shameful and depraved act that it actually was, and greeted everyone on her way out of the break room.

Morale was great that morning, but so was her increasing guilt... She shouldn't be meddling with what others felt, especially not trying to bewitch her crush into liking her for a brief moment. Yet here she was, hoping to bump into a drugged up Thomas Connor and get him to praise her in some form.

Her need for validation was... Rotten. She hated it, she hated that she'd gone to these lengths just to feel like someone genuinely cared for her rather than her good looks.

So when she did find her crush at last, she didn't feel so good about the plan anymore.

"Allison could I maybe speak to you for a second?" The gruff voice of Thomas Connor wasn't particularly loud, at least not louder than many of the other employees in the music department, so she jumped slightly when he approached her quietly during her break from recording.

"I... Yes certainly." Her stomach felt like it was doing flips as she followed the taller man, considering her options here. She could lightly reject any advances he tried to make in his state of unknowing inebriation, admit she may have slipped something in his coffee, or even straight up lie and say there was weed in the cupcakes... But, instead of doing anything, she resigned herself to the fact the next words out of his mouth weren't going to be genuine.

"I wanted to thank you." Thomas began as they'd gotten out into a quieter hall with little to no movement. "For always trying to brighten things up a little here at the studio. Drew's been a right pain in the ass, and it really sets off a chain... But here you are, getting up bright and early to bake cupcakes and brew everyone a cup of coffee, being the most genuine and selfless person at this damn madhouse..."

The guilt was excruciating, and Allison felt herself blush slightly as her eyes began to sting. He likely thought it was humility on her part.

"Hey, no need for that. Just stating the facts Miss Pendle..." He smiled, really smiled, and it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Thomas Connor had this shy little smile that started at the corner of his mouth and just barely exposed his front teeth a bit. "I was wondering... If maybe I could pay you back. With uh... With lunch?"

"I..."

"I understand if you're busy, it's just... I'd just like to be able to repay your kindness in kind. Lunch for an impromptu breakfast seems fair... And it's well within our schedules I hope..." He added. She couldn't bring herself to decline even if she knew she should.

"It... It sounds good to me. Uh... Wednesday?" She shyly suggested.

"Wednesday." He nodded in agreement. "Best we both go back to work now, before Lawrence has a fit..."

"Yeah... Thank you Thomas." She smiled sadly, watching him as he nodded her way. Her smile vanished once she noticed him bring a mug up to his lips. A white mug with paw prints on it.

Once he took a sip from his coffee he went on his way, leaving Allison in a confused state. On one hand, her crush had genuinely just asked her out and that was amazing! On the other... Who's coffee mug was it that she had drugged then?

-

Henry groaned as he hung up his phone for the 20th time that day. Whoever the hell was calling his landline only to breathe heavily into the speaker as he questioned them, was really starting to aggravate him.

Damn kids and their stupid pranking antics... He had half a mind to call the cops!

[superman86to99]

Adventures of Superman #505 (October 1993)

REIGN OF THE SUPERMAN! The Reign is over, and Superman does what we’d all do after being dead for several weeks and coming back to life: no, not visiting your parents, making out with Lois Lane.

Or more than making out, since the next page starts with a caption that says “Later...” and lets us know that they both had to take a shower. (NOTE: Check Don Sparrow’s section below for artist Tom Grummett’s definitive take on what happened in that scene.)

Their post-resurrection bliss comes to a stop when they remember a little detail: Clark Kent is still presumed dead. How are they gonna explain his return without making the extremely smart residents of Metropolis suspect that Superman and the guy who looks like Superman but with glasses are actually the same person? Superman’s mind immediately goes into “wacky bullshit excuse” mode and he starts spitballing ideas, like claiming Clark lost his memory, or was carried by underwater currents, or was abducted by aliens. Honestly, I’m pretty sure that last one would work, since there have been THREE major alien invasions in the past few years, but Lois thinks no one would be dumb enough to fall for that sort of thing. Really, Lois? No one?

At this point, Superman picks up some supervillain activity with his super hearing, so he gets dressed and goes there (though it would have been pretty intimidating for the criminals if she’d shown up in that shower rug). A bank uptown has been taken over by Loophole, a S.T.A.R. Labs accountant who stole a gizmo that allows him to phase through walls. When Superman shows up to arrest him and his henchmen (are they all villainous accountants?), Loophole literally puts his first through Superman’s chest, instantly killing him. RIP Superman, again.

Nah, Supes just swats Loophole away and breaks the gizmo, causing him to get his crotch area stuck inside a vault door. Now he has to change his supervillain name to “DickVault”.

(I freaking love Maggie Sawyer, btw.)

After that, Superman goes to one of the areas trashed by his fight with Doomsday and helps clean up the junk that’s still laying around there. It’s then that he finally reunites with his best friend and most valued ally: Bibbo Bibbowski. (Jimmy Olsen’s there, too, unfortunately.)

Bibbo also introduces Superman to the dog he named in honor of his home planet, Krypto -- and it’s Krypto who provides the most significant moment in this issue. The little mutt starts barking at some debris from a destroyed building, leading Superman to examine it with his X-Ray vision and find some kids underneath.

Turns out the kids had been trapped there since the Doomsday fight, leading some random passerby (fine, Jimmy) to wonder if Clark could be stuck in a similar situation. Superman and Lois look at each other... giving Superman an idea and providing the premise for next week’s issue.

Character-Watch:

First appearance of Loophole (real name Deke Dickinson, C.P.A.), who would become a running joke in Karl Kesel’s Superman and Superboy comics. While his phasing powers are tech based, he also has the metahuman ability to somehow convince attractive women to be his girlfriends/henchwomen despite being a balding little dweeb. In this issue he’s dating a blonde named Sheila (who wears a mask, so maybe she’s actually hideous), but I’m pretty sure he had other girlfriends in future issues.

Plotline-Watch:

As I said... holy shit, five years ago: no one draws Supes coming back to Lois after an extended absence like Tom Grummett. This scene is almost a remake of the one from that issue when Superman comes back from his time traveling jaunt. There’s also a callback to Man of Steel #25, when Lois hears a tap on her window and thinks it’s Superman, but it’s just some dumb bird. This time she gets it the other way around:

Don Sparrow says: “There’s a cute visual callback to the last time Superman returned after a long absence on page 18, when Superman is reunited with Jimmy. It’s a near identical pose to Action #643, where Superman returned from exile in space (and in that moment, infected Jimmy with Eradicator-based space sickness, womp womp).” I think he’s instinctively throwing Jimmy up in the air, hoping the cold of space will kill him. Unfortunately, both murder attempts were unsuccessful.

As seen above, Maggie Sawyer wasn’t too convinced that “Fabio” here was Superman at first. That changes when he calls her “Captain” even though she was recently promoted to Inspector, and she’s like “only a dead man wouldn’t know all the precise ranks for the local authorities!”

The surviving non-Supermen are seen arriving at S.T.A.R. Labs for medical care after the Engine City showdown. Don again: “There are some mild continuity issues stemming from Superman #82, which perhaps wasn’t completely finished being drawn while Tom Grummett worked on this one, as Steel’s costume is almost entirely intact, when we last saw it a week ago, it was in tatters. Ditto the Eradicator, who was a wizened husk, and now is apparently a scorched Ivan Drago.” Let’s assume Supergirl worked her clothes-shifting magic on Steel’s armor and the Eradicator’s, uh, hair.

There’s a short scene where Superboy is visited by his reporter pal Tana Moon, who tells him she quit WGBS and is leaving Metropolis. Awww. Goodbye, Tana. Or should I say... aloha?

Meanwhile, Lex Luthor Jr. has a scene with Dr. Happersen where he says he intends to control or destroy anyone who wears the “S” symbol. Basically, if he can’t date them, they should be dead. He also instructs Happersen to help Cadmus’ Director Westfield get in contact with disgraced genetician Dabney Donovan. Get ready for a whole lot of clone-related shenanigans in the near future.

And now, more Don Sparrow-related shenanigans after the jump!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow​):

This issue is another favourite of mine, but I suppose all these issues around the Death and Return are faves when I really think about it.  My copy of this issue had the holographic fireworks cover, and it’s a good one.  I like that Superman and the Daily Planet are in natural colour, rather than holograms.  The cover credit goes Karl Kesel, Tom Grummett and Doug Hazlewood, so I’m not sure what the breakdown was (or if that’s just a handwritten cover credit, just in case?

The story opens with one of my favourite sequences ever, with Lois waking up on her couch, having fallen asleep following the events in Coast City.  I love the detail as she opens the curtain, we see her engagement ring, indicating she knows her real fiancée has returned.  This sequence is followed up by two pages of splashes of the passionate reunion of the best couple in comics.  All beautifully rendered as they float, locked in a passionate, sunrise kiss.  Just lovely (so lovely that I am willing to overlook a small colouring error, as Lois has black hair instead of reddish brown for one panel).  [Max: I can confirm that they fixed that in the collections.]

What follows is a very cute scene, and one of some debate among Superman fans.  There’s no overt evidence of what happened, all we get is a cryptic caption reading “later…”.   Again, I give credit for the subtlety of the writers, as they depict this scene in a way that can be read either way:  maybe Clark and Lois made love, and the “later” we are seeing is afterglow, or maybe Lois had a shower since she just woke up after sleeping in her clothes. Then, after calling his parents while Lois showered, Clark had a shower himself.  I feel like today’s writers wouldn’t feel the need to be so subtle, and might lose the sweetness of this scene.  

In previous posts, I’ve talked about my friendship with artist Tom Grummett, and how as a boy, I would wear him out with all my dumb fanboy questions.  Once I got older, and our relationship became a little more collegial (just a little closer to collegial, since I in no way consider myself anywhere near his level of skill or success) I would really try not to geek out too much when we would visit.  But the one question I had to ask was about this scene, and what their intention, or interpretation of it was, as I was always curious.  Once I had explained to him which issue it was (the guy has drawn hundreds, so they might not all spring to mind immediately!) he admitted that his assumption was indeed that they had sex.  So there you have it!  [Max: Hot damn! Another Superman ‘86 to ‘99 exclusive, folks!]

However you wish to read this scene, the choreography, and facial expressions as they horse around is really sweet and fun, and such a nice, light tone compared to the do-or-die pace the books had been for the last two years or so.   Their easy joking, and back and forth banter really do a great job of showing them as a real couple.

It’s a very nice pose on Supergirl as she lifts off, simultaneously spurning Superboy’s romantic complaints.

I quite like the design on Loophole, and his gang.  Loophole himself kinda harkens back to the silver age villains of the Flash as Loophole has a unique hairline, is an older man, with a pretty average build, which was rare for villains in the 90s. His gimmick is pretty cool, too, though we immediately see its vulnerability.

The tearful reunion of the now-sober Bibbo and Superman is also a great moment—if anyone rose to the challenge of living up to Superman’s example in his absence, it was Bibbo.  I discuss the scene in more detail in the observations later, but the image of Superman whipping away the debris on page 20 is a great visual, with the dust clouds creating great motion and urgency.

On the whole, a great first issue for the return to the never-ending battle, even if it brings us closer to Grummett’s last issue on this title (for a while).

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

Could Superman referring to the Death and Return storyline as a dream, while stepping out of the shower be a reference to Dallas, and their famous about-face after an unpopular season, where Bobby Ewing emerged from the shower, alive and well, dismissing a yearlong storyline as a dream?

A coy semi-reference to perhaps my favourite line in the first Reeve Superman film on page 8, where Supergirl says “Easy steel, we’ve got you, then later adding, “ok, you got me”.  

A little more issue-to-issue dissonance with Superboy reversing himself from the end of Superman #82, where he said clearly that Kal-El was Superman, with Superboy pointing out that legally, he’s Superman and not Kal. [Max: I think he’s talking strictly in the legal sense, since he helps Superman deal with the legal problem on the next issue and all.]

For all the times that Superman has used his heat vision on guns (as he does on page 11), we’ve never seen rounds get burned off, firing on their own because of the heat.  There might be an idea there.    

An odd sorta-cameo by Erik Larsen’s Savage Dragon, who Superman apparently defeats in the waterfront district. An eagle-eyed reader asked Larsen about it in issue #6 of Dragon’s own book, and he nixed any proper crossover rumours, saying it was just a shout-out from Larsen’s buddy Karl Kesel.  Eventually they’d meet in Superman/Savage Dragon: Chicago, a so-so crossover in 2002.

A slightly bawdy joke from one of the Loophole gang, on page 14, as the moll of Deke Dickson calls Loophole a “weiner”.  

GODWATCH: A stirring moment when Superman detects the faintest of life-signs, thanks to would-be super-pup, Krypto, and responds “God willing” when someone asks if anyone is alive in that wreckage.  The love and concern in Superman’s eyes when he says he’d “rather die” himself than let little ones perish is a tear-jerker moment for sure.  Bonus points for the cuteness of Superman heaping praise on Krypto, with the line “if that dog could fly, I’d put a cape on him…”

Question:  Does Jimmy know? He comes up with the solution to the Clark problem very conveniently.  Maybe he’s smarter than we (and by we, I mean Max) give him credit for? [Max: It was all Krypto! Okay, I’ll concede that maybe Jimmy is as smart as a dog.]

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Let’s Read Comics! With Samantha and her girlfriend :D

And this time around we’re returning to the story of Ultron and his sister/daughter/wife Alkhema, that he built with his kidnapped father using Hawkeye’s ex wifes brain!

You might think your prepared for how nonsensical this story will get after reading that but trust me you aren’t

When we last left this Homicidal Robot Lovers they’d been blasted off into space...so what happens next you ask? Do they settle down, have robot kids, get a robot dog with two robot cars in their robot garage?

READ ON

And learn the startling next chapter in this Robot Romance

Also get ready to meet the Most Pointless Hero In The Entire Marvel Universe

Me: THIS ONE IS FOR THE BIRDS

My Girlfriend: God damn it Samantha

Me: ITS AN EGGS-ELLENT TALE

Introducing a new hero

Who won’t chicken out!

My Girlfriend: stop

Right

NOW

Me: I love how the cover is like “OH BTW THERE’S A KILLER ROBOT HERE”

As if that’s just incidental to Mutant Chicken Man

My Girlfriend: Mutant Chicken Man IS intriguing me

Our story begins with…          

Me: Is there actually a memorial to firemen shaped like a hose nozzle in san Francisco because

What the fuck

My Girlfriend: I hope there isn’t

Me: I KIND OF HOPE THERE IS

Also

I love and hate the fact the Avengers are rocketing into action here because of what could be a crank call

My Girlfriend: They’ve heard that infamous serial killer IP Freely has been seen nearby and they need to stop him

Wanda adds that “If our enemies are back on earth, the Avengers want to know about it!”

Me: THE AVENGERS

EARTHS MOST LAIDBACK PAROLE OFFICERS

My Girlfriend: They just want to know if your on earth or not

Me: “You can leave the state or the country but STAY ON THE PLANET”

Hawkeye muses that if he still had his growing powers he might be more use but Bobbi assures him “I married Hawkeye and I’m not complaining”

Me: You might say she’s letting him know size isn’t everything

My Girlfriend: She’s not a size queen she just needs someone who can hit the target

Me: She must be VERY happy with Jan right now

My Girlfriend: What the hell am I looking at

Me: It appears to be what Rob Liefield looks at whenever he wants himself to feel better about drawing human anatomy

My Girlfriend: “So human beings look like this right?”

Me: “Humans are well known for having giant misshapen heads, weird bulging eyes and three fingers on each hand”

My Girlfriend: And circular mouths can’t forget that

Me: HE’S LIKE AN EMOTICON

AND NOT A GOOD EMOTICON

Whatever this being imitating human life is, we’re going to follow its escapades (LUCKY US)

My Girlfriend: “Dad Morely”?

Me: HE’S GONNA RIDE HIM FOR A MONTH

My Girlfriend: I don’t want to know

Anything more about this relationship

Me: I feel like we know too much already

Also what in the nine hells is a “Pencil clip”

My Girlfriend: A fist sized computer chip judging by the art

Me: That or the worlds worst pencil case

My Girlfriend: Whatever it is it’s a really shitty present

Me: But I was going to get you one for our anniversary!

Don’t lose it though or I’ll ride you for a month

My Girlfriend: Promises promises…

Our sort of protagonist does the only logical thing here…he goes down a sewer to fetch said Pencil Clip, musing that it’s “Soggy” but mostly okay

My Girlfriend: “And there’s only a slim chance I caught hepatitis getting it back!”

Me: wallowing in human waste and filthy drain water is much easier than just buying a new pencil clip to replace the old one!

He hears strange voices nearby and decides to investigate them, making the Absolute Worst Face as he does so…

Me: AND THEN HE’S EATEN BY A SEWER CLOWN

My Girlfriend: HE’LL FLOAT DOWN THERE

Me: “WE ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE”

No it’s not Pennywise the Dancing Clown he’s discovered but something creepier…namely Ultron and his Daughter/Sister/Wife Alkhema!

Me: SHE’S NOT YOUR TOY

My Girlfriend: NOT YOUR TOOOOYYYYYYY

Me: U STUPID BOY

My Girlfriend: STUPIIIIID BOOOYYYYYY

Me: And then the bird man starts making chicken noises

My Girlfriend: DJ Bird Monster in the house

Me: Dropping the hottest album of 2019 with his barnyard noises

Ultron cuts this argument short declaring “Hold! My sensors detect a presence near at hand…a HUMAN PRESENCE!”

My Girlfriend: So what he means is “Hey look there’s someone over there”

Me: Okay but that wouldn’t sound very dramatic

My Girlfriend: Does it HAVE to sound dramatic?

Me: He calls himself Ultron and gave himself a face like a jack o lantern

YES IT DOES

Ultrom brings the luckless human forth into the “Light of our robotic brilliance” as he muses that Ultron is “Like a walking magnet” to tug him in by his belt buckle

Me: FUCKIN MAGNETS

HOW DO THEY WORK

My Girlfriend: So when they say “Bring it forth into the light of our robotic brilliance” they just mean “Let’s look at it”

Me: Again

DRAMA

My Girlfriend: Not every line of dialogue needs to sound like it’s from The Return of the King okay

“A youthful specimen…and quite scrawny!” Alkhema declares of the intruder

“Y…Yeah!

So wh-why don’t you throw be b-b-back!” he suggests

Me: They DO seem open to reasonable argument

My Girlfriend: A sound plan

Amazingly the genocidal robot monsters don’t go for this idea but the dismemberment of Harvey Birdman here is interrupted by…

My Girlfriend: Not even a superhero battle raging around him

Will stop him commiting some petty theft

Me: legitimately what just happened

These two SAVED HIS LIFE

And he responds by pickpocketing them

My Girlfriend: SUCH GRATITUDE

Me: it’s pretty much standard for regular people in the Marvel universe

Spider Man swings by next issue to save him from Electro and he’s just like “OH HEY YOUR AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD JUST FELL OUT OF UR WALLET I’LL HOLD ONTO THAT”

So while this asshole literally robs the people who saved his life the rest of the West Coast Avengers arrive to kick much Shiny Metal Ass

Me: Ultron takes time out from his attempted mass homicide to give his Frank Views on the latest superhero fashion trends here

My Girlfriend: Robot Eye for the Human Guy

Me: I would watch it

My Girlfriend: Of course you would…

USAgent proves about as much use as he always does, hurling his shield at Alkhema with a loud “CHEW ON THIS” only for her to stop it in mid-air and send it spinning right back at him

Me: I sure hope that concussion didn’t give him any brain  damage

My Girlfriend: Who would notice?

Me: POINT

My Girlfriend: WHAT HAPPENED TO ULTRON’S JAW

Me: He appears to be contemplating eating Alkhema’s whole entire head here

My Girlfriend: As if his relationship with her wasn’t weird enough he also has a vore fetish

Me: ULTRON UR SO PROBLEMATIC

Ultron stops the rocks falling and everybody dieing and declares that he has developed something new…a “Mesmeric Ray” which can hypnotise the Avengers…

“Very…impressive” Alkhema notes

Me: Alkhema gets turned on by Mesmeric Rays

My Girlfriend: Who doesn’t?

But

When exactly did he build this?

HOW did he build this?

Me: Oh you just find the parts for Mesmeric Rays laying around all over the place in the Marvel universe

Alkhema suggests hypnotising the Avengers into doing their bidding and Ultron goes into full on Supervillain Rant Mode

Me: I’m…not sure that’s what irony is but okay

My Girlfriend: It is not remotely what irony is

Me: Alkhema in the background meanwhile looks confused as to how he’s making bright pink volcanoes appear above his head

My Girlfriend: “What in the shit…”

However Ultron’s rant is interrupted by the sound of that Badly Drawn Boy sneaking off and he pursues him, looming menacingly over him

“Your life has no purpose!

But your death shall serve to protect the secret of this…”

Me: I’m sure that will cheer him up immensely

My Girlfriend: Ultron’s a real glass half full person

Me: Inspirational really

However before Ultron can act on his villainous threat a “Strange aura” surrounds the boy and…

Well just see for yourself

Me: AND YET HE STILL LOOKS MORE NORMAL THAN HE DID BEFORE

My Girlfriend: I adore the “Even Ultron and Alkhema are speechless” narration box there

Me: Even the two murderous sentient robots made out of unbreakable metal genuinely do not know what in the hell to make of this

My Girlfriend: I’m pretty sure they think their optic sensors are malfunctioning right now

Me: “HOW AND WHY IS HE A BIRD MAN”

Me: Oh

I guess he’s no threat to them now either

My Girlfriend: “He was no threat to us before

But now he has feathers and a beak he is truly a force to be reckoned with!”

Me: “I MUST FLEE!!”

Alkhema tries to blast the bird man but without much success…with Ultron cautioning her to just let him go as her wild blasts are damaging their complex

Me: I mean it’s not like she has computer targeting or anything OH WAIT

My Girlfriend: “Your shots are too random!

TOO PRE-PROGRAMMED TO BE RANDOM”

Me: HE FEARS MANY THINGS

Global warming

Clowns

What would happen if he ate one of those silica gel packets that they say you shouldn’t eat

MORE CLOWNS

The Skeleton War…

My Girlfriend: But his alter ego FEARS ONLY CAGES

Me: AND CLOWNS

My Girlfriend: Yes probably clowns

Me: You might say that

Despite all his rage

He is still just a bird in a cage

My Girlfriend: No you may not

My Girlfriend: Iron Man is VERY BLASÉ about the fact a MONSTROUS BIRD MAN just answered his Superhero Skype Call

Me: He literally just

Takes it in his stride

One mildly startled reaction…

My Girlfriend: It’s not even shocking enough for him to use a real swear word

Me: And after that he just gets on with business

My Girlfriend: It’s a little impressive

Me: Well I mean to be fair one of his recurring foes is a eighty foot space dragon named Fin Fang Foom who gave Magic Rings to a racist stereotype so he could destroy the west with them

He’s used to WAY WEIRDER FUCKERY than this

My Girlfriend: I hate everything you just said being canon

Iron Man muses that the warning about his friends “Could be a set up…but then it could be on the level!”

But makes the choice to trust Raptor’s Dire Warning

My Girlfriend: THOSE ARE THE TWO OPTIONS YES

Me: And again

His only concern about the fact he’s talking to a BIRD MONSTER is that the bird monster might be deceptive

My Girlfriend: I guess Stark is much more open minded than I would have thought

Me: He has no problem with bird monsters…only with DECEITFUL BIRD MONSTERS

Iron Man is quick to summon some reserve Avengers members with Tigra making the somewhat baffling comment of “So little Tigra is fresh from “Oztralia” and you want to send me and Miguel to Mexico? Figures!”

Me: What does that mean

My Girlfriend: Never mind what it means WHERE IS OZTRALIA

Me: Oztralia!

Home of such legendary figures as Mad Mack

Alligator Dundee

And Skiffy the Wilderness Jumping Beast

My Girlfriend: Nopody’s Purfod in Oztralia

“And all the while” the narrator informs us desperately trying to sell us on the idea of the Raptor being a major threat, “Rage grows within the pinioned creatures heart” to strike back at Ultron apparently

“And too bad about anyone…Avenger or otherwise…who tries to bar the flightpath of…THE RAPTOR!”

Me: HE’S GONNA FUCK THE TSA UP

My Girlfriend: This narration really wants us to know that This Character Is Important

Despite the fact that so far his contributions to the plot were to get captured and run away

Me: AND COMMIT SOME LIGHT THEFT

Don’t forget that

My Girlfriend: Heroic

Me: “Any time Raptor isn’t on panel everyone should be saying…Where’s Raptor?”

He should be louder, angrier and have access to a time machine…

My Girlfriend: He’s totally in my face

Me: So are you read to learn the Amazing Origin of the Raptor?

My Girlfriend: Do I have a choice in the matter?

Me: NO

My Girlfriend: Then sure

Me: OH GOOD

Because it’s quite something!

Me: “We won’t have an abortion to spare an innocent child from growing up horribly and agonisingly deformed!

INSTEAD WE’LL JUST INJECT DANGEROUS DRUGS INTO OURSELVES TO TRY AND MUTATE IT INTO SOME KIND OF CREATURE!”

My Girlfriend: Their Americans alright

Me: Because as we know JAYYYYSSSUUUUSSSS says that ABORTION IS BAD…I mean…not anywhere in the actual bible but sister-fucking evangelists SAY that Jesus said it was bad and that’s all that matters

My Girlfriend: “So whatever people tell me…that the Bible tells me…that’s what I will dooooooo”

Me: “Perhaps they were geniuses”

No

Geniuses would have had the fucking abortion

My Girlfriend: Where does Jesus stand on the issue of turning your child into a freakish bird creature with dangerous drugs?

Me: I don’t think it ever came up much

However it turns out that Mr Wilton is as good a driver as he is a husband and father because he ends up dying in a car crash six months later

Me: Remember kids: Don’t drive under the influence of BIRD DRUGS

My Girlfriend: BIRD DRUGS: NOT EVEN ONCE

Me: “The son I selfishly forced into this world rather than just getting the goddamn abortion may spend his whole life weak and anemic and barely able to breathe on his own but at least he’s not UGLY!

So it was totally worth experimenting on him while he was still in the womb!”

My Girlfriend: I just can’t believe her maid forgot the Baby Handling gloves

I mean what kind of incompetent fool doesn’t own a pair of baby handling gloves?

Me: Notice that she’s yelling at her about this…while holding the baby without wearing gloves herself

My Girlfriend: SHE’S A BABY HANDLING HYPOCRITE

And it turns out her shitty parenting isn’t just limited to not using Baby Handling Gloves because she soon marries Roger Morely, a spectacularly ugly rich douchebag who gives us…this hilarious panel

Me: “I made myself what I am!

An utterly hideous looking douchebag who can’t even get a proper haircut!

With a mouth like a shotgun blasted anus!”

My Girlfriend: He started out from nothing!

Except for a Small Loan Of Five Million Dollars from his father

Me: And he made himself the man he is today…through hard work, multiple felony tax evasion and declaring bankruptcy two or three  times a decade!

My Girlfriend: Apparently his mother is much more okay with child abuse than she is with really serious things like not using Baby Handling Gloves

Me: “My husband might beat our son but he always wears gloves when he does it!

So that’s okay”

We learn that Gary spent most of his life terrified of Basically Everything and we soon get an explanation why

Me: So in addition to giving him anemia and nearly killing him, the drugs his parents pumped into him also caused harmful psychological effects and gave him terrible headaches

My Girlfriend: I can really see why this was the moral thing to do

Me: Abortion is just WRONG!

INJECTING AN UBORN FETUS WITH MUTAGENIC CHEMICALS THAT MAKE THE CHILDS LIFE A LIVING HELL IS A-OKAY!

My Girlfriend: This message brought to you by the Republican National Convention

So while Gary wanders lonely like a clod he stumbles upon a mugging/gang execution/who even knows with a bald headed extra from a Mad Max film declaring to his hapless victim that “You’ve got this coming, Mother-Lover!”

My Girlfriend: Mother Lover is actually his Gang Name

Me: Did not strike fear into peoples hearts like he hoped it would

My Girlfriend: He’s just a really big fan of the Lonely Island

The gang leader spots Gary and what with witnesses being such a pesky impediment to brutal gang violence, orders his goons to give chase and kill him…so Gary makes the sensible decision of ducking into a filthy abandoned building “Suddenly seized with a desire to get to as great a height as he could”

My Girlfriend: See Gary, that’s the kind of desire you should IGNORE in this situation

Me: Are you saying that when being chased by armed murderers you SHOULDN’T immediately run to the top of a tall abandoned building from which you will have no escape, nowhere to hide from your pursuers and no one to ask for help?

My Girlfriend: I fear it’s an unsound strategy, yes

Me: Well where ELSE would he run to?

To the police?

To a brightly lit area where he could ask someone to help him?

That would just be SILLY

Me: “OH NO THAT’S RIGHT THAT’S HOW ROOFS WORK”

My Girlfriend: “The one flaw in my foolproof escape plan!”

He’s cornered by the crooks, with their leader declaring “We can make this easy…or we can make this hard…my vote’s for HARD!”

My Girlfriend: Did pages of this script get jumbled up with pages from the porn parody version?

Me: Seriously are we just done with phrasing?

However it’s at this point that Gary…STARTS GLOWING

Prompting a pretty typical reaction from your average Marvel citizen…

Me: Gary’s real superpower

GIVING YOU TINNITUS

My Girlfriend: A dastardly power

Me: Truly he is the Most Dangerous Superbeing of them All

My Girlfriend: How the hell did they miss him at that range, by the way?

Me: The shooter DOES appear to have their eyes closed so that might have played a part in it

The gang crowds around to see the Grisly Fate of Gary only to find…that there’s no body!

Me: HMMMMM

I WONDER WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED

My Girlfriend: Well given this issue already showed us he turns into a bird man there’s not MUCH mystery to it

Me: Shhhhh I am Building Suspense

And yep sure enough Gary has indeed become an Avian Avenger…who promptly pounces on his felonious foes!

The gang tries to gun the Bird Creature Down but, as the narrator informs us “Frightened hands are unsteady hands…and even glimpsed in a fleeting instant, the gaze of the Raptor is…well, you just had to be there”

My Girlfriend: It’s like the narrator has given up trying to convince us that we should be afraid of the Chicken Man and just shrugged and gone “It was more frightening in person okay”

Me: To be fair having a LITERAL BIRD MAN swooping at you would be PRETTY FRIGHTENING

It just loses some of that chilling power when the artist draws him like an angry Foghorn Leghorn

My Girlfriend: “Boy I say I say BOY! Don’t y’all be trying to shoot me gangland style like that!”

Me: HE’S GONNA CLUCK THEM UP

Me: If by “Hurt” he means “Crush their skull while compacting their neck down into their ribcage” then yes he definitely “Hurt” that guy

My Girlfriend: THAT MAN IS DEAD GARY

A HUMAN SKULL ISN’T MEANT TO TAKE THAT IMPACT

Me: The helpful “Kruntch” sound effect leaves very little doubt that Gary 100% just snapped that guys neck like a breadstick

The last of the gang who Gary hasn’t blinded or murdered tries to leap to the next building…and promptly plummets to his death

Me: Well done Gary you technically didn’t kill that one!

My Girlfriend: He will be missed

Though not by the sidewalk

Me: TOO SOON

My Girlfriend: So he’s the Hulk

He’s the Hulk but a bird

And with fear instead of anger

Me: Don’t Do Him a Startle

U WOULDN’T LIKE HIM WHEN U DO HIM A REAL BAD STARTLE

My Girlfriend: Stop that

Our story returns to the present in Alaska, where the narrator informs us of the recent history of volcanic eruptions, adding “If Ultron has his way, these and three more like them will soon erupt simultaneously”

Me: I like when comics include Cool Little Trivia Facts like this

My Girlfriend: I like it when comics include warnings about killer robots and their volcanic doomsday devices

Me: Educational in so many ways :D

Me: I’m sorry…HOW tall is Clint meant to be?

My Girlfriend: AND HOW TALL IS WANDA

Me: Is

Is everyone in the Marvel universe some kind of giant?

My Girlfriend: Maybe Gary’s parents weren’t the only ones mutating their unborn children’s genes

Hawkeye and Scarlet Witch get to work setting up the Volcanic Activator…however they soon have surprise company in the form of none other than the Wasp and Hank “I invented artificial intelligence and all I got was this lousy Evil Son” Pym

Me: What part of “Hypnotised” is he not getting?

My Girlfriend: YOU CANNOT APPEAL TO REASON

WITH HYPNOTISED PEOPLE

Me: I think it’s law that in any story where this happens there has to be a “I know your inside there deep down you can fight this!” moment

Hank continues his passionate plea for them to fight Ultron’s brainwashing…Hawkeye’s response?

“All who oppose Ultron’s final solution…MUST DIE!”

Me: “Oh

I was really hoping for a better response than that honestly”

My Girlfriend: I guess deep down they’re okay with causing a volcanic winter

Me: They’re not that fussed about the human race one way or another

Me: Thank goodness for her sense of distrust in her friends

My Girlfriend: “Ordinarily I would say I learned that paranoia and distrust are bad things but those are what saved me”

Me: Also I guess Hawkeye is using Pym Particles to grow at this point in his career?

Which

Doesn’t explain how Wanda is as tall as him

My Girlfriend: Maybe all of the Avengers are on Pym Particles

Me: Having read some of the nonsense they get involved with I’m certain their all on SOMETHING

Hawkeye smacks Hank down declaring he’s “TOO SLOW!” to stop Ultron’s fiendish plot

My Girlfriend: Since Hawkeye is bigger and therefore heavier shouldn’t he be slower than Hank?

Me: Never try and apply logic to Pym Particles…

Hank responds by trying to use said particles to shrinking Hawkeye down to Punch-able size…

Me: CASE IN POINT

Me: Hank

Maybe if instead of just Repeatedly Trying and Failing to Shrink Him and Put Him In a Bottle you could have

I don’t know

Just knocked him out while he was shrunk somewhat?

My Girlfriend: “PYM PARTICLES GOT ME INTO THIS MESS AND PYM PARTICLES WILL GET ME OUT OF IT”

Me: “OH NOT PYM PARTICLES JUST MADE THINGS WORSE!”

My Girlfriend: Isn’t that basically a summary of Hank’s life?

Me: Pretty much

Wanda defeats the Wasp with one of her “Hex Bolts” and the narrator grimly notes that now there is only silence, adding “When and if Ultron activates his murderous devices four of the first victims of the volcanic eruption will be four members of Avengers West…two of whom will have helped to win the robots total war on all natural life on earth”

Me: WAY TO RUB IT IN

My Girlfriend: They are probably feeling bad enough without the narrator rubbing salt in the wound

And they aren’t even doing this of their own free will!

Me: Right?

WAY TO VICTIM BLAME, OMNISCIENT NARRATOR

So while the Narrator goes off to tell some kids there’s no easter bunny or something equally cruel we turn our attention to the next chapter which….

WOW

Me: WHERE

DO WE

BEGIN

My Girlfriend: Let’s start with “So close to the states so far from God” because that sounds like something from a Donald Trump speech

Me: Though ironically this opening scene is a strong argument for Mexico needing to build a border wall to keep Americans out of their country because War Machine and Bobbi have been their two minutes and their already committing an act of terrorism

My Girlfriend: VOLCANO TERRORISM

Me: “Americans are bringing drugs

They’re bringing crime

They’re bringing Volcanic Activators”

My Girlfriend: Ultron is not sending Mexico his Best People here

This attempt to commit a Volcano Crime is interrupted by Funky Lightning Powered character Miguel Santos aka The Living Lightning who, the narrator assures us, does not waste time trying to reason with War machine or Bobbi he just tries to take them down

Me: I love that the narrator is taking a subtle dig at Hank Pym there

My Girlfriend: ALMOST makes me want to forgive them for that “So far from god” bit

Me: BUT NOT QUITE

My Girlfriend: Wasn’t the Living Lightning in the last story we did with Ultron and Alkhema in it?

Me: he was!

He is also HELLA GAY

And got to be pretty awesome in Avengers: No Surrender

My Girlfriend: I approve

However War Machine fights back using a “Plasma Cannon” that the narrator informs us “Strikes his galvanic young foe full force, severely disrupting his electrical field…for he is a plasma being!”

Me: If Miguel is MADE of Plasma shouldn’t getting shot with MORE PLASMA just…make him stronger?

My Girlfriend: You have a skeleton inside you but if someone shot you with a skeleton cannon it would not make you stronger

Me: OR WOULD IT

My Girlfriend: No Samantha

Me: Let’s try it and find out

My Girlfriend: SAMANTHA NO

Me: BABE

My Girlfriend: DON’T SAY IT

Me: Is this

A CAT FIGHT?

My Girlfriend: I am just so disappointed in you right now

Tigra insists that she doesn’t want to fight Bobbi but Bobbi declares she is happy to fight Tigra…and then…

This happens

My Girlfriend: What just happened?

Me: It looks like Bobbi’s Fighting Stick just sort of…extended?

And this knocked Tigra away…somehow?

My Girlfriend: Leaving aside why she would need this…

Me: FOR HITTY WHACKY

My Girlfriend: LEAVING IT ASIDE

Unless that thing is spring loaded with the concussive force of a cannon ball

That should NOT have had that effect

Me: At most it would just knock the wind out of Tigra for a bit if it hit her in the stomach

My Girlfriend: It should not function like a fuckin ejector seat

Back with Miguel and War Machine, they’re still dog-fighting in mid air with Miguel noting that he “Has to hand it” to War Machine that even though none of his weapons effect him he still keeps trying

My Girlfriend: He’s impressed by War Machine’s stick to it-evness when it comes to murder

Me: “Most people would have given up by now but you KEEP TRYING TO KILL ME”

My Girlfriend: Such an inspiration to the children

Me: Also didn’t War Machine’s plasma cannon hurt him?

My Girlfriend: Maybe you were right about it not being effective

Me: AND RIGHT ABOUT THE SKELETON CANNON

My Girlfriend: No you were not right about that

However disaster strikes when War Machine threatens the life of an unconscious Tigra…forcing Miguel to resume his human form and be easily knocked out

Me: She’s lucky this wasn’t an issue of Hickman’s Avengers…he’d probably let Tigra die and call it Collateral Damage

My Girlfriend: if this was Hickman’s Avengers no gay people would be appearing in it

With Miguel and Tigra both now unconscious, the narrator solemnly informs us that War Machine and Bobbi are “Waiting for the end of the world”

Me: AND FOR GODOT

My Girlfriend: “It’s always the way, they SAY the end of the world will be along in fifteen minutes yet half an hour later”

Me: At least it’s not raining

There’s nothing worse than waiting for the end of the world in the pouring rain!

The next chapter of this Titanic Tale brings us…  

My Girlfriend: “Fuss and Feathers” was the name of the rock band that Big Bird was in in college

Me: Gave the world cover versions such as “Eggs and Drugs and Rock and Roll”, “Welcome to The Black Parrot” and “Chicken Tikka To Ride”

My Girlfriend: Hits, every single one

Me: It’s also kind of surprising/odd to be reminded that the Avengers didn’t always view killing Ultron as Okay Because He’s a Machine

I approve of their lack of Robo Racism here

LESS great that they’re defending the life of a genocidal weirdo

My Girlfriend: I disagree with iron man assuming that this isn’t Superman

Getting turned into a bird man is among the least strange things that happened to the silver age one

Raptor and Iron Man begin scrapping…

My Girlfriend: Oh good it’s the Mandatory Hero Vs Hero fight

Me: Even in a story FULL of them thanks to mind control we still have to have a non mind controlled one that’s just the heroes being dicks to each other…

The narrations reveals that this story takes place during the time Tony operated the armour by remote and lets us know he’s not a fan of this because it’s “Too much like push button warfare”

Me: let it be noted that even Tony Stark thinks drones are a fucking abomination

My Girlfriend: Wait why is he operating the armour by a joystick here?

Me: Ah, he couldn’t operate the armour at this point in time because he was in a bad way after being shot by one of his exes

My Girlfriend: JESUS

Me: I’d feel MORE SORRY about that if the ex girlfriend hadn’t been like half his age and suffering from mental illness which he didn’t care about and he basically cheated on her and flaunted the fact he was fucking other women

My Girlfriend: Once again

JESUS

Me: And then he faked his death, let his best friend think he was dead and emotionally manipulated him into becoming his replacement

My Girlfriend: Paying it off a third time: J E S U S

Tony muses that Raptor “Might be here to help”…while blasting at him with repulsor rays

Me: “He might be here to help

SO I’D BETTER SHOOT HIM”

My Girlfriend: “He’s here to help!

DON’T LET HIM GET AWAY!”

Me: “BREAK HIS LEGS”

Me: “You mean there were lots of clues pointing to his involvement?”

My Girlfriend: “No, I mean he’d covered everything in “Property of Ultron” stickers”

Me: Also when was Iron Man ever denying that Ultron was involved?

My Girlfriend: He scrambled a whole team of Avengers to fight him

He said it was Ultron two seconds ago

Me: “Yes I “Admit” that thing I was just talking about is true well done Raptor you forced it out of me”

The two agree to work together to try and stop Ultron however Tony warns Raptor not to kill any human beings during said team up

Me: “You can kill any mutants or aliens we encounter though

BUT NO HUMANS”

My Girlfriend: Tony draws the line there

Me: “Also don’t try and kill any talking animals”

Meanwhile, Thousands of Miles Away, a team of scientists doing Volcano Science are coming under attack…with one eagle eyed scientist declaring “Look! It’s the Avengers West!”

Me: The sad part is this is probably the first and last time that this version of Spider Woman has gotten any recognition from anyone

My Girlfriend: I don’t know, she was pretty well known when the Iron Man cartoon was coming out

Me: It’s just a shame it was for being part of a love triangle with Tony and one of his other lovers

My Girlfriend: Oh you mean with Wanda?

Me: No I meant with Rhodey >.>

Me: “Oh, so its something that will cause the volcano to erupt”

My Girlfriend: “You’ve kind of answered my question already there, thank you”

Me: “Do you think now maybe you could NOT melt me with lava?

My curiosity is well satisfied”

My Girlfriend: I don’t really get that Wicked Witch of the West reference

Me: You mean you don’t remember that famous scene where she ties Dorothy up in spider webs and threatens to melt her with lava?

My Girlfriend: I think it was missing from my copy of the film

Iron Man swoops down to do battle with them, deciding to start by taking down USAgent

Me: Tony doesn’t even care if he’s hypnotised or not

He just REALLY wants to beat up USAgent

My Girlfriend: For the first time ever I can actually relate to Tony Stark

The battle goes poorly at first with Tony musing that if USAGent wins then his cause of death will be listed as “Neural Feedback”

Me: “And I can’t die from that!

I’m going to die the way I always dreamed…OF ALCOHOL POISONING”

My Girlfriend: Wait hold on “Neural feedback”?

So if the suit gets trashed HE DIES AS WELL?

Me: Basically yes

My Girlfriend: That is

The WORST designed remote control system I have ever heard of

This man is supposed to be a SCIENTIST

Me: Can you imagine if Stark Industries made video games?

When you got knocked out in Smash Bros the console would physically yeet you out of the window of your bedroom in real life

Me: SHE IS STUNNED INTO HELPLESSNESS

Through a mixture of shock and terror

You might even say this is

A BIRDEMIC of Shock and Terror

My Girlfriend: I would not say that and I wish you hadn’t made me hear you say it either

Me: OH NO TONY’S ONE WEAKNESS

A PIE IN THE FACE

My Girlfriend: The social humiliation!

THE SHAAAAAME

But no in fact that was actually a bomb and Tony is pounced on by USAgent

“HE’S POUNDING ME!

WITH FISTS LIKE HAMMERS!”

My Girlfriend: “Pounded By Fists Like Hammers” is also the name of the Erotic Iron Man Novella available on Amazon right now

Me: QUALITY LITERATURE

Tony notes that USAGent has “Quit pummelling him just long enough to break my neck!” which he seems very worried about…

My Girlfriend: ITS AN EMPTY SUIT OF ARMOUR

Why does it have a neck he can break?

Me: WHY DOES IT TRANSMIT PAIN TO TONY

My Girlfriend: HOW does it transmit pain to Tony?

ITS METAL

It does not have nerve endings!

With a heroic “YAAAAAA!” Tony activates his armours boot jets…and smashes himself and USAgent straight into a mountain

My Girlfriend: Did he just kill that guy

Me: It’s USAgent

No jury on earth would convict him

Tony begins the slow and painstaking approach to Ultron’s “Volcanic Activator” and is in the process of shutting it down…however above them and I do mean directly above him, Raptor and Spider Woman are scrapping and Spider Woman lands a powerful blow…

Which leads to…

Me: You know

Iron Man has lost fights to people who genuinely run around calling themselves things like “The Melter” and “The Chessmen”

And yet this

This right here

Is STILL the single most humiliating moment of his life

My Girlfriend: Even accepting that it’s smart or even POSSIBLE to build a remote control armour that can feel pain and transmit it back to you

How in the HELL would this cause enough pain to make you pass out?

Me: Right?

A bomb blowing up in his face, that just causes a mild twinge but a normal human falling on the armour THAT causes so much agony that he passes out

My Girlfriend: The only person who should be hurt right now is the woman who just had her fall and most of her bones broken by landing on a suit of armour

Me: The Invincible Iron Man!

UNABLE TO WITHSTAND THE MOST FEEBLE OF BLOWS!

With this shameful spectacle done with we turn to the final chapter of this tale, where..

Me: If by “Forced” he means “Chose to do it of his own free will because he’s a Weird Fuck”

My Girlfriend: Don’t try and escape blame for your Fetishes Ultron

Me: ADMIT YOU HAVE ISSUES

Ultron decides to go and deal with whatever the problem is, angrily noting that maybe it was a mistake to follow Alkhema’s advice to use the Avengers as brainwashed pawns

Me: Oh sure, put all the blame on your spouse

No wonder your marriage didn’t work out Ultron

My Girlfriend: He needs to learn that a relationship is a PARTNERSHIP

Me: The two of them should really get Dr Samson to give them some marriage counselling the next time they’re locked up together

They arrive to find the Avengers knocked out and tied up though Ultron notes that he gave no orders for the hypnotised Avengers to bring their captives all together like this…

Me: The mesmeric ray is tuning in to his subconscious superhero bondage fantasies

My Girlfriend: THE RAY KNOWS YOUR SECRETS

My Girlfriend: Alkhema Says: FUCK THE POLICE

Me: Imagine your last words on this earth being “Egg Beater to Salad Bowl”

My Girlfriend: There might be worse last words

But I can’t think of many

Me: “Here lies Egg Beater

Blown up by a killer robot”

My Girlfriend: I don’t think that’s his actual name Samantha

Me: IT IS NOW

Me: Awwwwwwwww

See Ultron?

See how much nicer destroying humanity is when your kind and polite to your Omnicidal Robot Wife?

My Girlfriend: Apparently Neural Feedback, which we were told could be potentially fatal, can be countered by just giving Tony a good kick in the ribs

Me: He cleverly designed the failsafe to be something there would be no shortage of volunteers to do

My Girlfriend: INGENIOUS

Alkhema notes that Iron Man and co are “Still defiant” but Ultron is confident that they will “Fall into line…when I operate my HYPNOTIC RAY”

Me: Wait I thought it was a MESMERIC ray

My Girlfriend: You can’t just go around re-naming your weird rays like that

Me: IT CONFUSES US

However because Iron Man isn’t actually IN the armour somehow that means the ray does not affect him

My Girlfriend: NO!

No

You cannot have it both ways story

IF HE FEELS THE PAIN THE ARMOUR “FEELS”

Then the mesmeric ray should work on him

Me: Are you suggesting that this gimmick is WILDLY INCONSISTENT in how it works?

My Girlfriend: LOUDLY AM I SUGGESTING IT

What, a light blow to the head causes blackout-inducing agony but being blasted with Hypnotic Waves that he can just shrug off?

Was he off the wagon when he built this cock-eyed disaster of a suit

Ultron is flabbergasted, declaring “HE RESISTS MY MESMERIC RAY”

Me: Now we’re back to Mesmeric

My Girlfriend: MAKE UP YOUR MIND

And he and Iron Man begin duking it out, though Ultron claims that Iron Man is “Just a human squirming inside an exo-skeleton…while I am made of adamantium! The strongest substance ever conceived!”

Me: it’s a rule that anyone who has adamantium in or on them must always remind us that it is The Strongest Substance Ever Made

My Girlfriend: It makes for STRONG BONES

Just ask Wolverine

Me: STRONG UNHEALTHY BONES

Me: For someone who takes no pleasure in death he sure seems to be dragging this out and gloating about it a lot

My Girlfriend: “I take no pleasure in death…except for yours, yours I will take a lot of pleasure in”

Me: Also Ultron…if you “Take no pleasure in death”…maybe STOP TRYING TO COMMIT GENOCIDE

My Girlfriend: He sure seems to spend a LOT of time killing tons of people for someone who takes no pleasure in it

Me: I have suspicions that he takes SOME pleasure in death

However before Ultron can make good on his threat we get a genuinely epic moment…

Me: ALWWWAAAYYYYYS

WE WILLL FIGHT AASSSSS OOOONNNEEEEEE

My Girlfriend: ASSEMBLED WE ARE STROOOOONG

“LET’S HIT ‘EM, GUYS!” Hawkeye declares as they charge into battle

Me: The Avengers less well known battle cry

“LET’S HIT ‘EM GUYS”

It never quite caught on as much

My Girlfriend: It’s what Steve is going to say in the new film

Me: That leaked footage of him saying “Avengers Assemble” is to throw us off the scent…what he’s actually going to declare is “Avengers…let’s hit ‘em guys!”

My Girlfriend: That or “Up against the wall male chauvinist pigs”

Me: Oh there is a LITTLE CALLBACK THERE :D

Ultron declares that he planned to wait to kill them all till later “But fortunately Ultron’s plans are flexible!”

Me: Is Alkhema also…FLEXIBLE?

I am asking for a friend

My Girlfriend: Samantha don’t fuck the Murder Robot

Me: I will live my own life

So are you ready for the Worst Face You Will Ever see?

Oh good!

Because there’s another figure involved in this brawl…

Me: Gary’s face here genuinely looks More Horrific than the face of the homicidal robot with a Jack O Lantern face

My Girlfriend: He somehow manages to look LESS HUMAN than when he was a giant bird

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS EYES

Me: WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIS MOUTH

Me: Okay I am officially putting a ban on the use of the words “Mesmeric Ray” any more this issue

My Girlfriend: The writer actually had a bet going with a fellow Marvel professional about how many times he could slip the words “Mesmeric Ray” into the script

Me: I hope he won the bet

My Girlfriend: The editor DID demand changes to one page where he just had all the characters screaming the words “Mesmeric Ray” in every dialogue balloon

The Raptor hurtles at Ultron declaring that he will stop him (And shamelessly talking about himself in third person)…only to hilariously just bounce off Ultron’s forcefield while also being electrocuted

Me: OH WELL HE TRIED

My Girlfriend: THERE WAS AN ATTEMPT

Me: The Raptor sure did add a lot to this story, didn’t he?

My Girlfriend: I can really see why they spent several pages on his origin story

Me: TIME WELL SPENT

Me: SOMEONE IS REALLY AGAINST VOLCANIC ACTIVATOR EMPOWERMENT

My Girlfriend: They hate Volcanic Activator Rights Activists like Ultron

Me: And there we have the sum total that Raptor contributed to this plot…to be a small distraction

My Girlfriend: And so a legend is born

My Girlfriend: So the Avengers

EARTHS MIGHTIEST HEROES

Have in the course of this story

Basically achieved absolutely nothing

And needed to be rescued first by a Murderous Bird Man

And now

BY ONE OF THE STORIES VILLAINS

Me: Once again the day is saved! Thanks to…MASS MURDERING ROBOTS

My Girlfriend: Truly this is a landmark victory for the forces of justice

“I should have realised!” a stung and overacting Ultron emotes

“I have seen this poison growing since the day I created you! You revel in death…while to me the death of all earths organisms is merely a means unto an end!”

Me: Not…SURE you can take the moral high ground on this one Ultron

Me: “I’m the good kind of mass murderer!

The kind who doesn’t enjoy it!

While you’re the BAD kind of mass murderer!”

Me: Not the worlds strongest ethical argument

Ultron declares that there is “NO PLACE FOR A WAR TOY IN ULTRON’S WORLD!”

Me: “I am alone…and you made me this way

YOOOUUUUU MAAAADDEEEEE MEEEEE”

My Girlfriend: You realise

I am now not going to be able to get Lemongrab’s voice out of my head now any time I read a comic with Ultron in it

Me: Be honest, it’s an improvement

My Girlfriend: Hmmmmmmmmm

And so begins a pretty Homicidal Lovers Spat as Ultron and Alkhema start blasting each other, with Alkhema noting that neither of them can destroy the other as they’re both made of adamantium

Me: Maybe given that literally every robot he’s ever built has betrayed him, Ultron should have NOT built Alkhema to be completely indestructible

My Girlfriend: “I’m sure she won’t turn on me. What are the odds of that happening…again I mean…”

Me: “Third time’s the charm!”

My Girlfriend: And then he’d try it a fourth

Me: “WHY

WHY WAS I PROGRAMMED TO FEEL HEARTBREAK!?”

My Girlfriend: “WHY MUST I BE A ROBOT FOOL IN LOVE”

Me: And so Raptor exits this story the way he entered it

Completely pointlessly

And being utterly useless

My Girlfriend: Careful Raptor

You ALMOST contributed something to the plot there

Me: DON’T MAKE A HABIT OF THAT

My Girlfriend: “Next time you want a companion, build yourself a dog” is an utterly cold blooded put down I must add

Me: Sure it sounds like a good plan in theory but what happens when Ultron’s roboto dog Fi-Do turns on him and creates a Robot Dog Army to wipe out not just humanity but also human shaped robots as well so that the Doggos Can Rule Supreme

My Girlfriend: Did that ever happen

Me: Not YET

But if I ever get the chance to write that Pet Avengers miniseries for Marvel I have an excellent idea what to make the plot of it now

Me: “The bill for this collect call is HOW MUCH!?!?

I’M GOING TO BACKHAND THAT LITTLE BASTARD OUT THE WINDOW!”

My Girlfriend: What is that expression he’s making?

Fear?

Excitement?

SEXUAL AROUSAL

What is it

Me: I think he only just realised he has hands and he’s freaking out about it

My Girlfriend: “Holy shit what are these things at the end of my wrists”

Hawkeye muses “Whereever that Man Bird got to, I hope he’s okay…”

Me: So…that’s it?

Their not even going to TRY and follow up on this?

There’s a murderous Were Chicken soaring around…one who might be seriously hurt and in need of medical attention…and their not even going to make a token effort to try and find him?

My Girlfriend: They don’t want Raptor in any more of their stories any more than we do

Me: “Well, thoughts and prayers”

My Girlfriend: “Sure hope that guy who just got burned alive and then plummeted like a rock is alive…oh well, I’m sure it’s nothing for superheroes to worry about”

Me: “Hope he doesn’t kill anyone else!”

And our story ends with…            

Me: “We can hope, that with time and patience…and a little bit of that little thing called UNDERSTANDING…one day they’ll fall in love again

And then kill us all in the most horrific fashion imaginable”

My Girlfriend: “God I’m looking forward to that, after the events of today”

Me: It’s not every comic that ends with the heroes just standing around while they let the villains escape so they can discuss said villains love lives

My Girlfriend: AND WITH GOOD REASON

Final Thoughts

My Girlfriend: SO THIS SURE DID HAPPEN

Me: It was a real Sequence of Events Alright

My Girlfriend: Did any of the Avengers make

ANY EFFORT

To track down either of the two murderers that they just

Let run away in this story?

Me: You’d think so wouldn’t you?

Because that would Actually Make Sense for heroes to do

But no

NO THEY DID NOT

My Girlfriend: So their just going to let Raptor run around clawing peoples eyes out whenever Gary wets his pants in fear

And let Alkhema continue to pursue her dream of being the worlds most prolific serial killer

Me: Look do you have any idea how much fuel for the Quinn Jet COSTS?

My Girlfriend: Reagonomics ruins yet another superhero adventure

Me: I do genuinely love how the Raptor seems to be in this story for absolutely NO REASON

He does nothing to effect the plot

Accomplishes nothing when fighting the issues villains

And Basically exits the issue in a way that’s so buffoonish you can practically hear the “WAH WAH WAAAAAHHHHH” trumpets

My Girlfriend: The one thing he did do was call Iron Man

And when your sole contribution to the plot is something that a guy with loose change and access to a pay phone could have done

That does not make you a Impressive Heroic Figure

Me: He also murdered that street gang, don’t forget!

I mean

Not in time to save the guy they were killing

He just ran away and let them knife him to death

But he sure did rescue himself!

By murdering four people in the most bloodcurling way imaginable

My Girlfriend: When will he be getting his movie in the MCU

Me: It’s going to be quite the plot twist when he shows up to take down Thanos in Avengers Endgame

My Girlfriend: TAG YOUR DAMN SPOILERS

Me: “We can hope, that with time and patience…and a little bit of that little thing called UNDERSTANDING…one day they’ll fall in love again

And then kill us all in the most horrific fashion imaginable”

My Girlfriend: “God I’m looking forward to that, after the events of today”

Me: It’s not every comic that ends with the heroes just standing around while they let the villains escape so they can discuss said villains love lives

My Girlfriend: AND WITH GOOD REASON

Final Thoughts

My Girlfriend: SO THIS SURE DID HAPPEN

Me: It was a real Sequence of Events Alright

My Girlfriend: Did any of the Avengers make

ANY EFFORT

To track down either of the two murderers that they just

Let run away in this story?

Me: You’d think so wouldn’t you?

Because that would Actually Make Sense for heroes to do

But no

NO THEY DID NOT

My Girlfriend: So their just going to let Raptor run around clawing peoples eyes out whenever Gary wets his pants in fear

And let Alkhema continue to pursue her dream of being the worlds most prolific serial killer

Me: Look do you have any idea how much fuel for the Quinn Jet COSTS?

My Girlfriend: Reagonomics ruins yet another superhero adventure

Me: I do genuinely love how the Raptor seems to be in this story for absolutely NO REASON

He does nothing to effect the plot

Accomplishes nothing when fighting the issues villains

And Basically exits the issue in a way that’s so buffoonish you can practically hear the “WAH WAH WAAAAAHHHHH” trumpets

My Girlfriend: The one thing he did do was call Iron Man

And when your sole contribution to the plot is something that a guy with loose change and access to a pay phone could have done

That does not make you a Impressive Heroic Figure

Me: He also murdered that street gang, don’t forget!

I mean

Not in time to save the guy they were killing

He just ran away and let them knife him to death

But he sure did rescue himself!

By murdering four people in the most bloodcurling way imaginable

My Girlfriend: When will he be getting his movie in the MCU

Me: It’s going to be quite the plot twist when he shows up to take down Thanos in Avengers Endgame

My Girlfriend: TAG YOUR DAMN SPOILERS

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 010

I think I’ve run across a continuity error here.   Following Raditz’s death, a lot of what we’re seeing here is filler, mostly to show what Gohan did while living on his own for six months, and what the other characters were up to in the meantime.   The narrator sort of keeps track of time by stating how much longer until the Saiyans arrive. �� I think we’re at eleven months now, instead of a full year.   The point here is that we’ve flashed forward quite a bit.   Gohan now seems to be managing pretty well on his own.   He can climb trees, gather food, and when he runs into dangerous animals, he finds ways to deal with them instead of running away or crying.

However, this is also the episode where Bulma and Krillin locate Yamcha and tell him that he’s been summoned to Kami’s Lookout for training.   The impliction here is that it took them days, maybe weeks to locate Yamcha, despite the fact that Bulma has Raditz’s scouter to detect his ki.

You can make the case that Yamcha was tough to find, because he wasn’t using his full power, but Piccolo was just standing around in Episode 1, and Goku was chilling out with his friends in Episode 2, and Raditz located both of them without any trouble at all.  I would think that, even at rest, Yamcha would appear as a significant blip on the scouter, but maybe lower levels are harder to pick up than higher ones.   Raditz only found Piccolo because he was the strongest signal in a certain range, and he only found Goku once he had moved to Piccolo’s position.   To track down someone like Krillin or Yamcha, you’d have to get even closer to wherever they are.    By the Namek Saga, it seemed like the scouters could find people more easily, but everyone was a lot stronger in the Namek Saga, so that kind of makes sense. 

Anyway, Yamcha’s been playing professional baseball for a while now.   He doesn’t enjoy it much, since his advanced martial arts powers make it too easy for him, but it pays well and he needs to pay the bills.   I’m not sure why he holds the bat that way.    It looks cool, but I’m pretty sure he could hit the ball just as well holding it in any other orientation, so he might as well hold it correctly.    Isn’t there a rule on how you’re supposed to hold it?    I’d look it up, but I really, really hate baseball.   Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure Yamcha is my favorite thing about baseball, and he seems just as bored by it as I am. 

Why does Puar get to sit with him in the dugout?   Because Yamcha wins games, that’s why.   It’s in his contract.   Puar gets to hang out with him at all times.   Also, Puar gets a free stadium hot dog at each game, but someone has to cut it in half because he can’t eat a whole dog by himself.   He saves the other half for lunch the next day.

There’s some baseball rules horseshit in this game, and the coach signals his batter to get hit on purpose just so he can have Yamcha take his place, and that’ll help win the game for him.  This coach looks skeevy as hell.   He looks like Captan Dock from the Red Ribbon Army.   Yamcha looks like he recognizes this guy from an episode of Unsolved Mysteries.  

It doesn’t matter, though, because the pitcher realizes what they’re up to, and so he intentionally hits #12 with the ball, but before Yamcha can bat, they get into a fight over it.

This batter sort of looks like Staff Officer Black with hair.   Not sure if that’s intentional or not.

Yamcha gets all excited because there’s a real, honest-to-goodness fight happening.    He jumps in, but he has to hold back so he won’t hurt anyone, so he mostly just taps people gently and sort of sidesteps attacks.   Honestly, I would think this would be boring for Yamcha as well, but he’s probably so starved for action that this is the best he can do.

It’s only when he senses Krillin’s presence that he genuinely gets interested, and then he realizes that it’s Krillin, and he’s just here to talk.  

But Bulma’s with Krillin, and this brings back all the bad blood between them.    Yamcha stood her up on a date, because he couldn’t afford it, and they’ve been apart ever since.   Is this why Yamcha sought out a high-paying job that he hates?   Was it to salve his wounded pride as a man?  

Bulma gives him the same routine she used during the Red Ribbon Army Saga (which was eleven years ago, btw), but this time Yamcha plays it cool and acts like he’s just as aloof to their relationship as Bulma.  Puar seems to take that pretty hard, because he ships it.

Anyway, it doesn’t really matter how Bulma feels about him, because the deal here is that Yamcha’s going to train with Kami, and I’m pretty sure no one said Bulma could tag along for that.   They’re not going to see each other much for the next year anyway, so what difference does it make if they reconcile?

So he’s back in the Turtle School Orange, and ready to kick some ass.  

Back to Gohan, he’s taken up residence in a cave, where he’s got a fairly decent setup going.   He gathers food, catches fish, and then he takes it all back here, where he builds a fire to cook it all.  It’s like he’s playing Don’t Starve, only for real.   In this particular scene, he’s making some sort of bandage out of a leaf, to deal with an injury he got on his shoulder.   How’d he learn to do that?

Turns out he learned it from Goku, when he skinned his knee once.    I guess Goku knows a lot about making medicine from plants, since he lived out in the middle of nowhere himself as a boy.   Gohan fussed and cried a lot at the time, but he still remembers what his father did to make it.  

Later, he discovers an animal inside the cave with him, and he realizes it’s a dinosaur!   Kind of an old-school, probably-anatomically-incorrect-artist’s-conception of a dinosaur, but this is a cartoon where the king of the world is a dog.   Look at this guy, he’s great.

But the dinosaur is hurt from having a big piece of wood stuck in his flank.   Gohan yanks it out, probably because the dinosaur is too weak to stop him...

Then he patches the wound with the same remedy his father used.   He even says the same reassuring words Goku used on him back then.    This is terrific stuff.

Gohan spends the next few days gathering food for his new dinosaur pal to help him recover.    While doing this, he imagines how fun it will be to play with the dinosaur once he’s healthy again.  

Gohan rules.

On his way back, he tests his strength by punching a big rock, but he only hurts his hand, so he decides he’s not that powerful yet.

But the rock cracks after he turns and leaves.   There’s a moral here somewhere.

But when he gets back, he finds his friend under attack by a meat-eating dinosaur, the same one that chased him around in Episode 7.   This time, he stands and fights, but he’s just no match for the guy.   Gohan gets knocked away, and when he finally recovers...

It’s too late.   His friend is dead, eaten by the carnivore dinosaur.  Well, that’s the law of the jungle for you.    The question is: will Gohan be any more effective against the Saiyans when they get here?