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unmaskedagain · 5 years ago

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Marinette Vs Santa: The Rematch

Seven people requested a continuation of the Part 1 and I just gave in. I hope you like. I’m not big on writing sequels. So please let me know if its good.

When the news broke that billionaire Bruce Wayne’s daughter Marinette was dating the Roy, the son of billionaire Oliver Queen, it was like the world paused.

It was bigger than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Bigger than the royal wedding; both of them.

Bigger than the twilight love affair.

The Angel Marinette, the newfound princess of Gotham, dating the wayward Bad boy Roy, the prince of Star City.

Roy was handsome, really smart, funny, had a kickass attitude, played guitar and soccer, and loved animals; at least that’s what Jason told her Because Marinette had never met the guy.

People were betting on when they’d get married, have kids, what they’d name them…

And Marinette doesn’t even know the guy. I never had a single conversation with him.

Now Jason wanted her to… What?

“Come on!” Jason begged. “Just let him take you to the ball.”

Marinette sat at her desk, with arms cross, glaring furiously at her brother, as she contemplated murder. “No.”

Jason tossed his hands up in the air, “He’s really great. You’d like him.”

“I don’t care if reveals he’s actually Tom Holland ala Hannah Montana style,” Marinette growled. “No.”

“He’s in a bind,” Jason pleaded with his sister, giving her the biggest puppy dog eyes, he could muster. “His dad’s been giving him a lot of grief lately about him going to college and taking over the company one day and the bad press he’s been getting. Once Roy said he was taking Wayne’s princess to the ball, it stopped.”

“Why did he even say it?” Marinette yelled.

“He’s a moron!” Jason yelled back. “But he’s my best friend. He’s rich. He’s handsome. He comes from a great family. He’s strong. Gotta nice bad boy thing going on. A motorcycle. Sorta mysterious. How could you not want to date him?”

Marinette chuckled, “Maybe because I’m starting to think you might be.” She eyed him. “If this you two using me as a beard or whatever, cool. But Bruce Wayne and Oliver queen both been seen with Male lovers, I don’t think they’d mind…”

Jason glared at her, “I’m not dating Roy. Redheaded dudes are a little creepy.”

“Are they now?” Yeah, Marinette thought, really selling.

Jason pinched his nose, “Didn’t you ever wanna be Cinderella? Go to the ball with the Prince? Roy is that prince. The only one above him would be an actual prince. I thought all little girls did? Can you do it, please? For me?”

That’s when Marinette remembered the first time she saw Disney’s Cinderella. She had been six. It was Christmas. She had fallen instantly in love with the movie, the dress, the songs, the prince so much so that she talked about being Cinderella to her parents. Her dad just laughed and told her to write Santa. Ask him to make you Cinderella.

And so six-year-old Marinette did.

And now nearly ten years later, staring at her brother, she now knew… Santa had a hit list. It was the only explanation. Santa was gunning for her. Seeing what it took to break her. Finally, get her on the naughty list. Be careful what you wish for after all.

“I want to meet him,” Marinette said slowly with a defeated sigh.

“Yes!” Jason cheered. “I know the Cinderella thing would work.”

Marinette glared, “You know I know at actual prince right? Prince Ali.”

“No! Wait! We can talk about this!”

“Kidding.”

“Thank god,” Jason sighed in relief. “Oh, you can’t tell Bruce its fake.”

Marinette closed her, counted to ten, and stopped herself from screaming the only thing on her mind: FUCK SANTA.

The Tsurugi house had been tense since Kagami returned from school. Her grandparents had expressed their approval of her befriend Wayne’s youngest daughter. Kagami’s mother had been pleased that they would be receiving an invitation to the Wayne New Year’s ball.

They had been waiting all day for the invite to come. Both mother and daughter anxiously doing all they could to avoid waiting by the door.

When the doorbell rang, Kagami had to force herself not to run for it.

Discipline, she thought, control.

Her mother’s assistant announced, “Miss Wayne is here, Lady Kagami.”

Yes, she was. Marinette Dupain-Cheng-Wayne curtsied gracefully, “Mrs. Tsurugi. Kagami. I hope you are well this evening.”

Light, polite, took place after that. Her mother almost smiled in approval at Marinette.

When Marinette finally handed the invitation over, “I do hope you can attend,” She said. “I apologize for the short notice.”

Mrs. Tsurugi bowed. “It would be an honor to attend.”

“We look forward to it,” Kagami added.

“I… admit I have always wanted to go the Wayne’s Ball,” The older woman admitted the barest hint of a smile on her face. “One thing off my Christmas list, I suppose.”

At this, Marinette beamed, a vindictive pleasure coursed through. Yes, she wanted to his, Kiss my ass, Santa.

Going to Chloe’s was… interesting for Marinette. She hadn’ t even had the chance to knock on the penthouse door before Chloe had ripped it opened.

“Mama,” She called. “Marinette’s here.”

That was all the signal needed, for Audrey Bourguis to throw opened both doors of her office, “Ahh Marinette. How lovely to see you, darling.”

If Marinette had been a little meaner, she would have admitted that the scene was felt oddly similar to what it was like to see the stepsisters in Cinderella get the invitations to the ball. Chloe had been her bully, and she hadn’t changed all that much.

“Thank you for having me,” Marinette said easily. She presented the invitation. “I hope you can go,” She told Chloe and her mother honestly. “I could use more friends there.”

Chloe’s eyes softened despite the look of the annoyance on her face, “Of course we’re going.”

“Agreed,” Audrey said. “Everyone who is anyone is going. And we are most definitely anyone. The question is what are we wearing? Classic ball gown. Or a modern princess. What are you wearing? Everyone wants to know.”

“Roy Queen on her arm,” Chloe giggled.

Audrey smiled, her first real smile of the day, “Now that is quite the handsome accessory, bravo.”

They discussed fashion choices and who is supposed to be wearing who. All while Marinette dodged every attempt from Audrey to design her dress for the ball. And the older woman had been determined.

It was a harrowing experience. If Chloe hadn’t been her new best friend, Marinette would’ve given in to the desire to rip back the invite and tear it shreds.

As she was living, Audrey said, “I was always dreamed about it; the Wayne New Years’ ball,” It was said with a lovingness and dreamy voice that neither Chloe or Marinette had ever heard her use before. “When I was a little girl, I would watch every year and just dream about it. I envied and critiqued over dresses. When I was really little, I used to ask Santa to go every year. I’d even design my own dress; every year. Its why I got into fashion. I was a little girl who dreamed about her own ball gown.”

Marinette would leave the penthouse, walk outside where her driver waited, and before she got into the car, she stared at the Christmas decorations. At the robotic Santa waving, and whisper lowly, “We’ll call this a tie.”

But the fight wasn’t over.

Luka had no idea what to do with the invitation. Neither did his mother. Sure, they had heard about the Wayne ball but Juleka had Rose whispering in her ear so she made sure that her brother accepted.

“This is a favor to me,” Marinette pleaded. “Father will pay for the trip, for the expenses. Luka is my friend, and I would like him there. With you all of course.”

Juleka begged her mother, “Please! Rose said this a once in a lifetime experience.”

Luka eyed his sister but shrugged, “I’m in. What are friends for? He is your brother Tim single?”

What did you just say to me, punk? Marinette nearly snapped. She knew, of course, that Luka always had a celebrity crush on Tim Drake-Wayne. He even put jokingly put a kiss under the mistletoe with Tim Drake on his shopping list. But it was different now that Tim was her brother. Marinette needed her friends on her side; her family was insane. And she swore if Luka spent the entire Ball mooning over Tim, she was going to fly to the North Pole and shove her foot right up Santa’s…

“I won’t know anyone,” Anarka finally said interrupting Marinette’s thought. “It’ll be all boring people listening to classical music.”

“Oh!” Marinette straightened up. “Jagged Stone will be there,” She said brightly.

The glare she got from Luka’s mother could’ve been weaponized.

Marinette left their house feeling a bit shook.

“Ho! Ho! Ho!” She heard and saw Santa impersonator walking on the street.

Marinette’s eyes narrowed. A less person would’ve just taken him out, she knew. But Paparazzi was everywhere, and for once that was the only thing stopping her. Not being nice or polite.

No, Marinette raged inwardly, that time was over.

Instead, she shot him a glare, “Score one for you.”

The next day at school was even worse than the day before… Paparazzi wise.

“Marinette! Marinetti,” A lady from seventeen magazines yelled. “What was your first date like with Roy? Was it Romanic? Did you kiss him? Is he a good kisser?”

Marinette ignored them all as her father walked her into school again; this time with Tim and Cassandra.

“Bruce! What do you think of your daughter dating someone two years older than her?” Bruce stiffened.

“How long have you been dating the Queen heir?”

“Have you had sex yet?”

“What is he wearing the ball?”

The questions went on and on.

Marinette got to class and all but collapsed in her seat with a huff. This was too much. Her papa had assured her it would calm down soon.

“It will get better,” Kagami assured.

Chloe patted her back comfortingly, “Paparazzi are so invasive.”

Alix snorted, “What do you know about it.”

“Her mother is Style Queen,” Marinette answered before Chloe could. “One of the leading faces in fashion today; she can make or break a designer; start trends and end them. Everyone knows her name. Her face. She is the Devil’s Wears Prada: Miranda Presley of our world. Chloe was born with paparazzi wanting to know if her diaper was designer.”

Her classmates were shocked at her defense of the blonde.

“And for the record,” Chloe said sounding pleased. “They were.”

“What’s it like dating Roy Queen,” Rose asked excitedly, ignoring the tenseness of the room like she was always doing. “He’s so dreamy. Did you know I have him on my bedroom wall?”

Yes, Marinette did know. She helped decorate.

“Like a dream come true,” Marinette said with a forced smile.

Because like the most dreams, some crazy person made it up, She thought. Jason. Jason made it up.

“Do you think you’ll get married,” Mylene asked giving heart eyes to Ivan who blushed.

Marinette was about to answer when she noticed Alya’s phone was out, and she looked way to interested what Marinette was saying.

“I didn’t give permission for an interview,” She said. “Or for permission to have my conversation recorded as is required by law.”

“You never minded before,” Alya pointed out. “This could be huge for my blog.”

Marinette rolled her eyes, “No one knew I was a Wayne before. I have to be careful now.”

“Someone who knows you should give an inside scoop,” The glasses-wearing girl said. “Let people know what you’re really like, what you’re really thinking. We can do an interview right now!”

“Class is about to start,” Chloe sneered.

Kagami glared, “Delete it or hear from our lawyers.”

Adrien stood up, “Don’t you think you’re being a bit harsh.” Some of the other students nodded. “She doesn’t mean it harm.”

“I don’t care what she meant,” Marinette snapped. “I will not have private conversations on display for the world to hear. It's an invasion.” She told him and looked back at her once best friend. “Delete the recording from your phone.”

Alya crossed her arms, a petulant look appeared on her face, “I already posted it on my blog,” She said smugly. “Too late now.”

“Delete it,” Kagami and Chloe chimed together.

Alya stood her ground and sent them a look similar to what Rena Rouge sent Akumas, “No! It’s my private property,” She snapped, and she sent a smirk at Marinette. “You can’t make me.”

“Are you sure about that?” Marinette asked. “It’s your last chance.”

“This is my blog,” Alya said.

“Then prepare to see it burn.”

All Marinette wanted for Christmas last year was for Chat Noir to leave her alone and for Alya to wake up, stop listening to Lila and reporting false news about Ladybug.

Before the bell rang for lunch, Alya’s screech could be heard for miles. The Ladyblog was gone. Her mom had deleted it. Well not deleted the website but deleted everything on it. It had been an accident. Alya’s mom had been desperate to delete the interview of Marinette as quickly as possible. After realized what she had done, she quickly went to school to talk with her daughter.

“Why?” Alya had demanded in tears.

“Why?” Her mother shouted back. “Do you even know what you’ve done? What could happen to you? To your family?”

Her parents were furious. They had gotten a cease and desist Bruce Wayne’s lawyers, a notice that the Ladyblog was being sued for invasion privacy. Officer Raincomprix had shown up to let the know Alya was being hit with criminal charges; it was illegal to record a private conversation without permission for public use; even more so if it involved a minor.

Four hours. It took four hours for the Ladyblog to go up in flames.

The akuma had not been pleasant to deal with. But surprisingly, it wasn’t Alya. It was her mother; scared to death that her daughter had pissed off one of the richest family’s in the world and might have destroyed her own.

Alya left school early that day, and wouldn’t come back for the rest of the week.

Marinette counted that a win in the “Fuck Santa” Category. She could get her own freaking Christmas presents.

Marinette had been sitting with Kagami and Chloe, enjoying lunch in the cafeteria when suddenly all the noise stopped. A needle dropping would be heard.

“Babe,” A voice shouted.

Every hair on Marinette’ s body froze. What were the chances that an overly loud voice that sounded so familiar, so like how Roy Queen sounded in every video she ever saw of him, wasn’t actually Roy Queen?

No. It couldn’t be, she thought, Not even Santa’s that cruel.

She glanced behind her and tried not to groan. It was Roy Queen alright. Red hair, handsome face, smug ‘kick me in the teeth’ smile. He was gorgeous. The exact type she’d been into. He had a bouquet of red roses and what looked to be expensive chocolates.

That was when suddenly she remembered how much she wished for the same scenario. For her boyfriend, imaginary at the time, to surprise during school just because. When she was eleven, it was a Christmas wish on a star. (all her friends had boyfriends at the time; even if they only last two weeks at most.)

Another point for Jolly Saint Nick, she thought glumly.

An arm went around her shoulder, “Miss Me,” Roy smirked as he pulled her into a hug.

Marinette hugged him back tightly, a pleasant grin on her face, masking her true feelings, “I’m going to kill you,” She whispered. She kissed him softly on the cheek. “And I’m not even going to make it look like an accident.”

She wasn’t entirely sure if she was talking to him or Santa Clause; maybe both.

The smile was on Roy’s face as he pulled away, “You are definitely Jason’s sister.” He looked her up and down. “So… want to ditch school?”

Marinette sighed, “Fuck Santa.”

She didn’t care who heard now.

Marinette did not skip school. Roy did pick her up from school, on a motorcycle. The pictures were being recycled on the news.

All three of her parents were furious. Marinette had barely managed to get out of being grounded.

Santa would not beat her. She would not end up on the fat guy’s naughty list. Unless the reason was that she was standing over his cold, dead corpse.

“Okay,” Marinette said as she paced her bedroom. “I’m losing it.”

“You’re fine,” Tikki promised. “This time year gets to everyone. It will get better.”

“He’s persecuting me,” The bluenette.

Tikki sighed at her chosen’s antics, “Santa is not after you.”

Suddenly, there was a loud crash. Her bedroom door swung open, Tim rushed in looking a mess and beyond frazzled, “Tell me you can sing?” He shouted. “Doesn’t matter. I told everyone that you’re singing at the ball. It’s gonna be great.” And then he ran from the room.

It went silent.

“Coward!” She yelled after him

Marinette recalled her desire, her wish to finally overcome her shyness, her stage fright. She recalled the time fainted during a choir rehearsal for the Christmas pageant. She had been eight-years-old and vowed to never sing publicly.

“…Maybe Santa is out to get you,” Tikki said bluntly who knew all about Marinette’s fear of singing.

Tim suddenly ran back in the room, “You’re having dinner with Roy and his parents tomorrow.” He said. “And Dad wants you to meet the Justice League. Have fun.” And he was gone.

“Fuck. Santa!” She screamed.

#ml salt #ml fic #alya salt #marinette dupen chang #Marinette deserves better #batfamily #Tim Drake #bruce wayne #roy harper #class salt

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ask-gotham-city · 5 years ago

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We’re back! G’s still busy with school but we’re figuring out a balance for stuff.

I finally got some free time to finish my research on Mr. Wayne’s relationship history, so here’s what I’ve managed to find. I was actually able to make this pretty thorough, but that’s not surprising considering how long he’s been in the media spotlight.

High school:

Pretty vague overall. A few alleged girlfriends, but the media didn’t touch him too much until he came back in the mid 90’s from those few years off traveling.

College:

Besides the usual rumors of him sleeping around a lot, there isn’t much until his Junior year, which for those of you who don’t know, is when he was outed as bi.

I’m not gonna get too far into the details, because it was a pretty nasty media storm, but basically, some photos were leaked to the press of Bruce and his friend Harvey Dent that confirmed they were in a relationship. The media exploded, and there were a ton of generally really gross and homophobic allegations brought against both of them.

A prime example of this bullshit is when a group of conservative assholes pushed to have Bruce’s son Dick (who he had just adopted the previous year) taken away from him on the grounds that he was “an inappropriate parental figure.” This obviously didn’t take, and later that month Bruce made a statement to the press that was basically a very polite fuck off.

He and Dent continued to date until the accident in 2002 that resulted in Dent becoming the villain Two-Face. This was also when the Wayne Foundation officially started funding rehabilitation efforts for Gotham’s rogues, and Bruce has mentioned in several interviews since that he has hopes to see Harvey recover in the future.

2004-2009—Selina Kyle

This was a public relationship and confirmed by both of them in interviews at the time. Of course there were rumors of Bruce cheating on her, but nothing was ever proven beyond: he’s friends with other women. Gotham’s media is bullshit and both parties denied anything happening even after the fact, so it’s safe to say there was nothing.

They broke up privately sometime in late 2009, and it was widely speculated that this was over tensions regarding the passing of Bruce’s son Jason earlier that year.

They’re still good friends! They post pictures and talk about each other in interviews and just generally seem to be happy where they are.

2010-2012—Batman (kind of)

Oh boy, 2010, the year of the famous Batwayne video (you know the one).

Between the princess carry on their way out of the building and how Batman held Mr. Wayne’s hand while he was being patched up by the EMTs, it’s not a surprise that this rumor spread like wildfire.

Overnight, Batwayne was trending on most social media platforms and there were several morning news segments talking about the supposed relationship.

It didn’t help that Bruce had been publicly sponsoring Batman since 2002 (as a way to bolster villain rehabilitation efforts). As a result, the media and the public made the leap that they met through a business partnership, became friends, and started dating. Which like... I guess generally makes sense?

Bruce heavily denied it in interviews, but that didn’t stop the tabloids. They dug up really old footage of other saves, tracked Batman sightings along with Bruce’s public appearances, and found that the Dark Knight has never strayed far from the Waynes. More assumptions were made and the ball just kept on rolling.

Why is Mr. Wayne always the first to disappear in a conflict? Batman gets him out first before he takes care of everything. Why does Bruce leave Gotham on vacation every time Batman’s in a huge fight? He’s worried about his safety.

It was two years of a phenomenal public push that uncovered a lot of coincidences and connections between the two of them, and although his associates and kids never backed down from joking about it in interviews, this has never been confirmed. It did, however, deserve an honorable mention for the sheer amount of drama and coverage it got.

2012-2017—Clark Kent

Listen, this was the best time to be a Gothamite I swear. The media didn’t now how to handle Bruce going from dating Upper-Class-Super-Famous-Philanthropist Selina Kyle/The-Dark-Knight-Himself to... That-One-Reporter-From-Metropolis. They struggled.

The Daily Planet and other Metropolis news outlets tried to get in on the action, releasing the ever famous tabloid article where poor Mr. Kent gets asked if he “cleared the relationship with Batman first.”

Please, dear god, just watch any of the interviews from this whole thing, they’re so funny.

Besides what they released by choice, most of this relationship was private. They were spotted together in public a few times and posted plenty of pictures on social media, and overall they seemed super happy!

It’s unclear when, but it was confirmed by Bruce in an interview in 2018 that they split. They’ve both said it was mutual, and just like Selina they appear to have stayed good friends.

2017-Present—A Whole Lot Of What The Fuck

Listen, after Clark I couldn’t find any more confirmed relationships, but ohhh boy have there been a lot of stories. I’m just gonna rattle off a short list of ones I’ve found, because honestly these have been some wild years. These are all alleged, some crazier than others, so please take them with a grain of salt

Lois Lane

Wonder Woman

Superman

Selina Kyle again

Oliver Queen

Clark Kent again

A lot of one off dates that pushed the media to begin perpetrating the Bruce Wayne Sleeps With Everyone Under The Sun Idea

Basically every Justice League member at some point or other

Fashion model Diana Prince (this actually has a lot behind it but it’s only been public speculation so far so 🤔)

Lex Luthor (hELp)

Batman (that one’s never really went away)

And that’s all I was able to find. G helped me out with this a lot and I’m very grateful, so thanks dude! My overall take away from this is: the internet is a rabbit hole of weirdness and Mr. Wayne is just vibing in it. I support my queer icon and trash man of a boss and I hope he’s having a good quarantine.

-W

#W talks about stuff #bruce wayne #harvey dent #selina kyle #clark kent #batman #two face #catwoman #superman #bruharvey #batcat #superbat #dc #dc comics

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bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

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Is there anything dumber than a reverse-age AU? No, seriously, Dick is the paragon because he was the first Robin and antedated Speedy, Aqualad and Aquagirl, and Kid Flash. And you can go down the list. Tim has to follow Jason because Jason would be different without the death trauma: Tim himself had a bit of a complex about not "deserving" the mantle Dick created and Jason sanctified. Then we get to Damian, who is young enough to be Dick's son.

Like, I’m not trying to shit on people who just like reverse age AUs for the fluffy aspects a lot of them tend to have, to be fair. Some people are just looking for fluff, and I get that. Those AUs don’t appeal to me for many reasons I’ve already gotten into in depth, but on a surface level I mean, its not really a big deal to switch things up sometimes for the hell of it. But in any kind of in-depth examination of that premise, I feel there’s a whole lot of missed opportunity left to explore in that....with that being I guess the thing that nags at me most?

I mean....I would be genuinely interested in reading a reverse age AU that actually acted as kind of a....”It’s A Wonderful Life” examination of what happens if Dick isn’t the first Batkid, but the youngest. I think it can still be plausible for Tim, Jason, Cass and Dick to all end up adopted even if Damian is the oldest.....but the one thing I’ve never seen any reverse age AU examine is the part I’d reeeeeeaally be interested in, like you alluded to with the other original sidekicks....

And that’s the element that’s really missing from reverse age AUs for me, personally.....acknowledgment of Dick’s impact not just on his family’s formation....but the DC universe as a whole. Dick wasn’t just the first Robin. He was the first child hero, period. He was what started the whole movement, not just within his own family, but outside of it as well. Without his example, would Donna and Garth have left their homes to become heroes for the surface world/Man’s world? Would Wally have even tried replicating Barry’s experiment, thinking that it was even possible for a kid like him to be a hero? If Bruce’s first child and protégé was his biological son, would Oliver have thought to take Roy in as his ward instead of just making sure he ended up with a good home?

Look, I love Damian. But Damian is not Dick, and it doesn’t really track that their positions could be switched and wind up with nothing else being all that majorly different......I guess the thing about reverse age AUs that makes them really just not my cup of tea is like....to me, it seems like they should result in HUGE ripple effects and alteration to the Batfamily and the DC Earth as a whole....and those ripple effects imo ARE the story, ARE the things really begging to be explored by that premise to me.....but its not really what I think most readers and writers of those stories are looking for, hence the disconnect for me.

Like....as I said, I do like Damian, but for who he is. And who he is, is just....not the bright, shining example who captures the imagination and inspires other people the way Dick inspires people. And that’s okay! Because its not a knock against anyone else to not be that, its just who they are.....and who they are isn’t Dick Grayson. Everything about Dick Grayson specifically, is what led to the trend of child heroes both on a meta level and an in universe level. Nothing about that is accidental.....those only appeared in more and more comics because Dick Grayson, the original Robin, captured the imagination of readers and appealed to them and made them want to see MORE child heroes.....just like the sight of a young child in bright colors and cracking puns even as he kept pace with one of the most dark and infamous heroes of the DC Earth captured the imagination of other young people like Dick and with talents and powers of their own and made them sit up and say hey, maybe that could be me too....if someone my age can be BATMAN’S partner, why couldn’t I be Wonder Woman’s/Green Arrow’s/Aquaman’s/The Flash’s?

And I just don’t really see Damian having that effect on peers, you know? Because Damian is like his father in temperament and preferences, whereas Dick was deliberately a contrast by his own choices. Damian wanted to BE like Bruce growing up hearing his father’s legend....and then he wanted to be more like Dick, when he realized Dick’s own strengths and attributes, IMO.....but as the first child, without Dick’s example? Damian would be more inclined to be a mini-Batman, calling himself something like Batboy and molding himself in his father’s image......which means keeping to the shadows. Being more myth than in-your-face-indisputable-fact like Dick was as Robin. And Bruce would have been more inclined to see this as a good thing, and keep Damian as much beside him in the shadows as possible, unlike Dick who just wasn’t suited to that and wasn’t interested in trying to be that.

So I think that a huge potential ripple is right there from the start....like maybe there would be other Batkids and protégés for Bruce after Damian, but would there be other teen heroes? Would there at least maybe have been a delayed start to the other teen heroes, not inspired by Damian directly but more just parallel evolutions who took a little more time to find the inspiration and opportunities to impress themselves upon their mentors? Would even Gothamites know for sure that Batman even had a partner, or partners plural, or would they be more rumor than symbol, like Dick was as Robin, and the other Robins were inspired to be when following HIS example, rather than BRUCE’S example?

That’s what I would really love to see from the reverse age AU premise, personally. And why the ones that exist just don’t really draw me in - they all seem to by premise alone just kinda devalue Dick’s effect on his surroundings as well as just his character as a whole.....there’s the impression that it doesn’t really matter if Dick came first, that anyone could have had the same effects and results that he did, when like.....that’s just not true, IMO. And it is kinda an inherent knock against his character because it sort of runs with the idea that Dick’s no big deal, that his precedent is no big deal, that he wasn’t necessary, for the DC Earth to be the one we all are drawn to today, and that’s just....I don’t see it.

I mean, so much of that is what draws me to his character, personally....the fact that he IS so much bigger than just himself, that his actions and choices have such far-reaching implications. Dick Grayson IS the ripple effects that he’s caused from day one of his creation.....and ignoring that, acting like that’s no big deal and like it could just as easily have been any other character when to my mind it wouldn’t have been any other character because no other character has made the choices he has, specifically, for the reasons he has, specifically.....like, I think that has a lot to do with a lot of the almost implicit or absent-minded....not even contempt, but just....non-interest in his character, that many fans of other Robins have.

Like, what if Dick wasn’t the first - that’s the basic premise of these particular AUs. But the conclusion almost all of them result in is....nothing else would really be all that different. And that’s just not that far away from saying that Dick’s character is largely irrelevant and inconsequential....when to my mind, obviously, nothing is further than the truth. Yeah, what if Dick wasn’t the first? Honestly, truly asked and examined.....what would be different? Not just about his family but the whole DC Earth?

Because I think the differences would be enormous.

LOL, this is the 80th anniversary of this character’s creation. A character who has consistently been one of the highest profile, most visible characters in the entire DC universe for pretty much all of those 80 years, in one way or another. Who has only spent part of one issue dead, in all of that time. And in none of that time retired, or absent, or not in some way still at the center of the cape community.

How do you pretend that a character with that much history, that much presence.....has no real distinct impact on everything he’s connected to? That he could be plucked out of that tapestry and easily and seamlessly switched with a character who is noted for being the night to his day, just as Dick originally was the day to Bruce’s night? It just doesn’t make sense, IMO.

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thedesperatehousehusband · 7 years ago

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You Named Your Baby What Now?

Naming a child is stressful. Parents tend to have differing opinions. Prefer different names. Have family traditions. Like a “junior” or the “second”. Middle names as first names. Middle names as the mom’s maiden name. Three first names like Zachary Ty Bryan or Jonathon Taylor Thomas.

I have already ranted about dubious spelling. The misuse of the letter “Y” is troubling and I view it as the precipice of the fall of modern society.

No, today is about old names. Because there are some old timey names that are popular and hip and cool. But others that have not really come back to the limelight. They don’t really roll off the tongue. I’m not consulting any sources for the names I will judge and discuss. So if I miss something that you like or named your baby, fuck off. If I dislike something you like, I don’t care. You have bad taste. If I dislike what you named your baby, make better choices.

1. Owen – I simply and 100% approve. I love kids named Owen. Every little boy named Owen needs hipster clothes, cool little boy glasses and should be artsy.

2. Oliver – Ditto the above but Oliver can also play soccer.

3. Vivian – I approve. But only of this spelling. Unless you are French or from Quebec, spelling it Vivienne is pretentious and douchey.

4. August (nicknamed Augie) – It is a very specific child who can pull this name off. Parents, watch out. You probably need to live in Portland, OR for this to work. No kid named Augie is going to make it in Wyoming.

5. Violet – Any trend that can be attributed to Jennifer Garner is a trend I can wholeheartedly support. I love Violet Affleck.

6. Clarence – This old man name isn’t coming back into fashion any time soon.

7. Ethel – Another old lady name I can’t see making a comeback.

8. Elsie – I feel like I heard about a baby named Elsie recently. I’ve got mixed emotions. I had a great aunt named Elsie. I believe she was 100 when she was born. This is a child that is likely doomed to have rheumatism and wear crocheted shawls. Proceed with caution. But I fully condone this as a name for a dog.

9. Lucy – Very cute.

10. Lucille – Less cute.

11. Maude – I don’t know if anyone is naming their baby Maude but I support it. I applaud homages to Bea Arthur.

12. To that end….Beatrice – I’m torn. I think it could work. But, like Augie, any little girl named Bea is going to need to possess a lot of confidence. However, Beatrix is off the table. Not an option.

13. Bernard – Very few have the chutzpah to pull this off. Unless you are born a Jewish grandpa and go by Bernie.

14. Same with Morty or Saul.

15. Chester – Nope. There’s far too much poetry and limerick shit that will haunt this child for his entire life. Nothing good can come of this.

16. Homer – I think I can build a campaign for this one.

17. Max – I love it. But just Max. Maxwell is a bridge too far and embodies someone who wears ascots and owns yachts. Nobody likes that guy.

18. Percy – Make it happen.

19. Bruce – Not an amazing name. Though I do love “Bruce Wayne” and “Bruce Banner” but RIP “Bruce Jenner”.

20. Florence – I’m leaning towards no. But I had a great aunt Florence who made the shit out of some homemade caramels that she wrapped in waxed paper. Personal connections to these names matter. But it may be tainted by Flo from the Progressive spots.

21. Bertha – Like Chester for boys, this name is wrought with issues. Big Bertha is a golf club for shit’s sake. You can’t name your baby after a golf club.

22. Mabel – Sort in the vein of Elsie, it could work or it could be a miserable failure. This child probably needs to be a free spirit and belong to a grocery co-op.

23. Clara – No offense because I believe this name is in use in the real world of today but this is a name for a cow.

24. Bernice – It’s not working for me.

25. Wayne – I have very strong feelings about the name Wayne and they are not good feelings. They typically get me riled up. Don’t name your baby Wayne.

26. Walter – I’m almost OK with a kid named Wally. But Walter is just very, very old doddering man-ish.

27. Stanley – It’s just not good.

28. Ralph – There is nothing redeeming about anyone name Ralph. Don’t trust anyone named Ralph. Ralph will TP your house and poop in your yard.

29. Melvin – No. Just no. It will never make a comeback.

30. Doris – Totally appropriate for a 65-year old woman who enjoys the forgiving fashion available at Chico’s. Not an infant.

31. Marcia/Marsha – See above.

32. Frances – I can convince myself this could be cute. Frannie or Fran are fun.

33. Rhonda – I mean this to be directly judgmental. Nothing implied whatsoever. Rhonda is at the top of my list of trashiest names of all time.

34. Rita – I think a kid could pull this off. I really do.

35. Ruth – I think this one is on the cusp of being trendy.

36. Wanda – I have known very few people named Wanda but the one I remember most is a woman from CK in Chicago. Rightfully so, she was referred to as Wicked Wanda behind her back. Terrible name.

37. Shirley – Don’t you dare call me Shirley. Leslie Nielsen said it in Airplane. Heed the warning.

38. Donna – Despite Tori Spelling playing the character of “Donna” on the original Beverly Hills 90210, I have never met a Donna who isn’t currently pushing 70. No one in 2018 looks into a stroller (or what is now apparently referred to as a “travel system”) and says in baby talk: “How is sweet little Donna today?”

39. And finally the piece de resistence…..Let’s talk about Linda. One of the most popular names in the 1950s. Making every person named Linda 65+. I’ve been hot on this topic since last season on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt when Titus dated a guy who had adopted a baby and named her Linda. Titus was baffled and said how he could not look into a crib and say Baby Linda. I agree. It’s a great name for a mom who had her kids in the late 70s or early 80s. Had a sensible haircut, drove a Dodge Caravan and made a fair amount of casseroles. But in 2018 I cannot imagine naming an infant Linda. So of course I am tormenting my work BFF and favorite co-worker (Marisa). She is currently preggers and having a girl. She and her husband are not sharing the baby name until she’s born so I have taken to calling the little one Baby Linda. I put it in emails. I say it out loud. It’s potentially annoying but I find it hilarious. Because you can’t name a baby Linda.

These are my thoughts. Take them. Leave them. If just one person reconsiders naming their baby Bertha then my work here is done.

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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Drew Barrymore ‘I don’t pretend to be perfect’

Drew Barrymore is back on our screens, this time as a flesh-eating estate agent. She tells Rebecca Nicholson about the endless ups and downs of her life from child star to teen rebel, and savvy producer to business woman and explains why shell fight to the death to be happy

Drew Barrymore walks into the hotel room in Berlin flanked by assistants, caked in heavy TV make-up and wrapped in a brown fluffy jacket that makes her look like a very glamorous teddy bear. Within seconds, the entourage has disappeared, shes wiped every last scrap of foundation from her face and shes rummaging around underneath her dress, a kind of earth mother hippy smock, regretting her decision to wear tights on this sub-freezing day. Why does anyone wear pantyhose? she exclaims, barefaced, faux-exasperated, shifting in her armchair, trying to get comfortable. Theyre so fucking sadistic! Theyre not even control pants, she says, conspiratorially, but Im forcing them to be.

For a lot of women, especially women who grew up between 1982 and the early 2000s, Barrymore is a particular kind of icon. Shes the accessible rebel we all wanted to be, or be friends with. Shes the child star of ET who hit the skids early and hard, and not only survived, but went on to be one of the most popular (and bankable) female stars of the past three decades. She appeared in, and often produced, the kinds of movies that are vital viewing for teenagers, from the trashy taboo-busting rebellion of Poison Ivy, to the triumphant high school romcom Never Been Kissed, to the moody angst of Donnie Darko. Plus, in her 20s, she seemed to hang out with the best bands, go to all the best parties and always looked like she was having the time of her life. She was the manic pixie dream girl before it became a tacky indie film stereotype. The memoir she wrote in 2015 is, appropriately, called Wildflower.

She looks genuinely pleased that she holds such a place in peoples minds, and decides that if people do like her, If anyone has any goodwill towards me, careful not to sound arrogant, its because she extends goodwill to other people. Not in an annoying way, but just, like, being in peoples fucking corners. Its this combination of soft and sharp, all wrapped up in that valley girl lilt, that has carried her through life. I want people to be happy, but I know happiness has to be fought for. Its a warrior trophy. Its not hippy, she insists. Im like, fight. Fight to the death to be happy, and dont kill anyone along the way.

Little riot grrrl: Drew Barrymore with Steven Spielberg at the age of five on the set of 1982s ET. Photograph: Everett Collection/Rex Features

Were in Germany to talk about Santa Clarita Diet, the new Netflix series which has brought her back into the spotlight again at 41. Its a warm and occasionally gross 10-part comedy about Sheila and Joel, estate agents who have been together since their school days, and whose marriage is tested when the amiable Sheila develops a sudden taste for human flesh.

I stopped working to have my kids and take care of them and raise them, and so I was nervous about working again, she says. I was going through a dark time in my own life. And then I read it and I liked it. Now what am I supposed to do? I cant do this right now, its terrible timing, my whole life is falling apart. She ended up executive producing it as well as starring.

That her life was falling apart out of the spotlight was a new thing for Barrymore, who had played out most of her life in a very public sphere. No ones talking about my life. I mean, yes, I had a divorce, but even that was real quiet. She split up with actor Will Kopelman, the father of her two children, Olive, four, and Frankie, two, at the beginning of 2016, but recently posted an Instagram of him running the New York marathon; she was there, with their daughters, to support him. It was like, Oh, they didnt work out, I wonder why? Oh my God they seem like such good friends, and so amicable, I guess well stop giving a shit. I was so happy about that, she says, breezily.

Warm and occasionally gross: Barrymore in Santa Clarita Diet. Photograph: Erica Parise/Netflix

In the midst of her divorce, Santa Clarita Diet was a transformative experience. Ironically, it wasnt the worst timing. It was great. It was really happy. It was a good summer. My daughters and I got to go out to California and I got three days off a week. Just as becoming a proto-zombie saves Sheila from the numbing boredom of domestic life, Barrymore went through her own kind of rejuvenation. I feel like Sheila. I feel like maybe I was dead inside, she says cheerfully, blowing her nose. I dont know. I was in a place in my life where I had gained a lot of weight, and been in a place of fear and sadness, and I felt stuck. I dont think thats so much unlike the character.

Until she took time away from acting to have kids, Barrymore had never not worked. She began her career at 11 months in an advert for dog food, quickly becoming the main breadwinner for herself and her mother, Jaid, who raised her alone. Her father John Barrymore, of the Barrymore acting dynasty The great line of loonies from which I come, as she puts it wasnt around much. Her extraordinary youth was public and well-documented. Her breakout role in ET, at five years old, was followed by an outlandish few years of childhood boozing and drug-taking, rehab and institutions, and the sense that, at 14, she was washed up and her career was over.

But it wasnt. She moved into an apartment by herself, got a job in a coffee shop, learned how to do her own laundry and, eventually, clawed her way back into the business, defeating the curse of the child actor where so many others have been lost. She has said her 20s were a kind of delayed adolescence. Now, in her 40s, shes had a lifetimes worth of parties and experiences, and says she doesnt miss it at all. I dont feel like Im not at the centre of things. I dont worry about career stuff. I dont worry about who the hottest band is or that Im not at that show that night. I dont care if the latest trend is happening and its just passing me by.

Star quality: Barrymore with Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu in Charlies Angels. Photograph: Image Net

Her idea of a good time these days is taking the girls to Disney World, or setting up movie nights for the kids in my daughters class. I just watched Home Alone and all the moms and I were crying at the end. Oh my God, its so good! I appreciate it now much more than I did when I was younger.

Shes too classy to be drawn into any child actor comparisons it would be patronising, annoying, no thanks, she says, nicely but firmly but we talk more broadly about celebrity scandals. Everyone goes up and goes down. Thats life. Nobody wants all of it looked at and discussed. However, if you do put yourself out there, then you need to be prepared for that to be examined and you have to handle it to the best of your abilities. So for people who are like [she puts on a whiny voice]: Dont look at me you put yourself out there!

Is there any way to avoid being examined and discussed? Not in this day and age. You just try to manage things in the healthiest way you can. And by the way? You wont all the time. Youre gonna fuck up. So fuck up, then pick yourself back up. But just be nice and kind and humble and gracious and have a sense of humour. And dont pretend to be perfect.

Golden girl: winning a Golden Globe for Grey Gardens in 2010. Photograph: NBC/Getty Images

Barrymore dealt with her own initial fuck-ups in an incredible and startling memoir, Little Girl Lost, which she wryly calls, The mea culpa book I wrote when I was 14. She appeared on Oprah with her mother to promote it, to go over what went wrong. You can watch it on YouTube; shes 15 going on 35. Yet the book has a cult following, in part because it makes all the partying she did as a young child sound kind of adventurous. Yeah! Its like an 80s cult tragedy book, which is super cool and wrong and fun all at the same time. Its a little riot grrrl, you know?

Theres a chapter where Barrymore describes being hauled off to an institution at her mothers behest, and shes furious at the starstruck guards. God, youve just yanked me out of my house with cuffs on, I thought, and now youre asking me what it was like to meet ET. What jerks, she writes. Even at 14, she had a disdain for celebrity. Still do, she says, today.

We meet on the afternoon of Trumps inauguration. She plans to watch it later, as shes a total news junkie, but she doesnt particularly want to talk about what she thinks of him. Im not a painter and Im not a musician and I think people dont want to hear it from actors, she says. I read this op-ed in the New York Times that was saying, just do things quietly, in your art.

Slasher: Barrymore in Wes Cravens Scream, 1996. Photograph: Allstar

Barrymore is more about the practical. During her screen break, she wrote Wildflower, which became a New York Times bestseller, and shes built a sizeable business empire, including Barrymore wines, a production company, Flower Films, and beauty brand Flower Cosmetics. All of which channel some of that free-spirit warmth into profits reports suggest shes worth $125m. Theres a line in Santa Clarita Diet where Sheila announces: I sleep two hours a night. I get so much done! It struck me that for Barrymore, spinning so many plates, that might be funny. Actually, she says, it was originally written that Sheila would use her spare time to learn French. Me, in my real life, would spend time learning French. This woman literally has a ticking clock on her mortality. Shed be studying fucking Bruce Lee moves and learning to do shit. The line was changed at Barrymores request: instead of learning a language, Sheila would get the ability to parallel park in one move. Im, like, yes! Thats practical!

Its strange to see Barrymore, who seemed to be an eternal teenager, starring as the mother of a teenager in Santa Clarita Diet, partly because her fame is life-long, and you can see interviews with her at almost every age on YouTube. But, she says, she never watches them, never goes back. Hell no. The only thing I ever think when I see myself when Im younger, if Im on a talk show and Im stuck there having to watch clips, is that I was so much more brassy when I was young. Im like: Where do you get the balls, kid?

She says it as if those balls have disappeared with age. She claims shes much more polite now. Sarcastic, but polite. And worse still, she tries to say shes newly dull. In my life Im just so quiet and boring, she declares, not entirely convincingly. This is Drew Barrymore, after all, who talks with the hunger of someone who will always be on the lookout for something new, whether thats being a mother, a businesswoman, or playing a friendly estate agent who kills and eats bad people. I am pretty boring, she insists. I tell her I dont believe it. She smiles slyly, and leans in. Theres a rebel in her still. Im not sure I believe it either.

Santa Clarita Diet launches on Netflix on 3 February