#brother help me i am still fucking sick <- has only been sick for two to three days and is aware it lasts like a week

[whump-n-comfort]

two characters cuddling on the couch watching TV. despite the calmness of their surroundings, the show playing on the screen like normal as if nothing were wrong, they're both tense as brick walls. one is sick as a dog, wrapped in blankets, waiting for it to be over, and the other is worried out of their mind about how high that fever keeps getting, ready to load into the car and book it to the nearest hospital at the drop of a hat if need be. the tension only fades when the shivers of the ill one slowly die off, indicating the fever breaking after a hard battle won, the sickness finally leaving them so they can rest properly

[pepprs]

my mom isn’t letting my dad go back to his office bc him being out of the house stresses her out and makes her have a flare up and it’s like kind of insane. like i understand why the idea of him doing that would make her panicky and angry as someone who also struggles w separation anxiety and abandonment shit / has physical symptoms from that kind of stress (though not to the same degree ofc) but also he is a grown man. he should be allowed to go to his office and not have to shape his entire life around her needs. and she keeps guilt tripping him out of it and it’s impacting his quality of life a lot and the whole thing is kind of… hm

[watermelongirl01]

The Benders

Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

Criminal Minds x Supernatural

Summary: A new case came to you thanks to the Winchesters, it’s now your job to help the BAU profile the case.

Content warning: Murder case description, Bossy Hotchner.

There was once again that peg in your chest after the Winchesters figured out that their case it’s not about monsters, sometimes it makes you nauseous to know how fucked up this world is, this wasn’t the brother's case anymore, it was yours, or at least for you to figure to whom to pass it, Which FBI department is the right one? You knew the answer, You always knew the answer, that’s your job.

“What do we think?“ Dean said, walking with you around the house. “Can you do something for Officer Kathleen?” You nodded 

“If she has my back with the story nothing can go wrong.” You assured him while wrinkling your nose in disgust inspecting the kitchen. “These people are vile, crazy, and disgustingly vile, worse than monsters.”

Every single item in the house was bizarre and heinous. You coughed as you felt sick to your stomach.

“Talking about crazy, what do we do with the little girl?” Sam said, peeping his head into the kitchen.

“Do not let her out, I will handle her later.” The look both brothers sent you made you roll your eyes. “Not like that, don’t be ridiculous, she is a girl.”

“She almost has Dean’s ass.” Sam reminded you.

“Like it’s hard.” 

“Excuse me? You’re saying I’m weak?” The older brother said while crossing his arms.

“No, sluttish.” A big smirk invaded your face as you walked downstairs, headed to the basement of the house with the brothers following your lead.

“You think you are so funny.” You heard him mumble behind you.

“I know I am.” And just like that your smile was erased, looking at the horrors this family caused, and all of those heavy feelings rushed back, the horror, the fear, the lack of hope. You got out of that basement as fast as you could.

After five minutes of heavy overthinking and walking in circles on the muddy field, you decided to call one of the only phone numbers you know by heart.

“Hotch.” You heard in the other line when he picked up the phone at the second ring.

“Hey Hotch, it’s me once again, it’s not an easy one, you might need the whole team in here, We need a profile although it’s our case, it’s foggy and the bureau needs your approval.” You said with a heavy breath while rubbing the back of your head, which is exactly where your stress likes to hit.

If Aaron was being honest with himself after your two first words, he knew it was a difficult one, even if he didn’t know what you just faced, or what you’ve been doing, he still heard you were exhausted and that was enough for him to make a peculiar gesture for Rossi so he could arrange their next flight on the jet for him, so Rossi could tell it was a “You emergency”.

“Where are you? Are you okay?” Those were the only words he could manage to say, you know he cares about you, but hearing his concern was selfishly comforting.

“Yeah.” You said in a whisper. “Yeah, yeah of course, I’m okay, Umm I’m in Minnesota, Hibbing Minnesota, the Sheriff is waiting for the team already.” He knows you are lying, you know he does, he’s a profiler for the love of good. 

“We are on our way, we’ll be there in two hours, Does that sound ok?” 

“It does, thank you Hotch, I’ll be waiting for you.” A sense of rephrasing urgency came to you and you don’t even know why. Was that the right way to talk to your team leader?

“Of course”  He simply said. “Does Penelope already have all the information?” 

“Yep, I bet she’s already in the debrief room all settled.” All Aaron needed was to turn around to see the whole team gathered in the room. “Am I right as always, Aaron?” Hotch could hear your bubbly self coming out again and that was a relief for him, it meant you’ll be fine, at least until the next case.

“Don’t push your luck, See you soon.” That was the last thing he said to you before hanging up the phone and greeting his team. 

The team didn’t know what your job was, they didn’t fully understand why you had to leave the office to find new cases, and once you found them, why you needed  Hotch with such urgency, they knew better than to question him about it when it comes to you, The only two people who knew what was going on were Rossi and Hotch, not even Strauss was trusted with the big secret, maybe that was the reason why she hated Hotch that much.

—

“Hey, it’s your boyfriend coming?” You heard a voice beside you ask. 

“One, Hotch isn’t my boyfriend, he's my team leader. Two, the BAU is on their way, so maybe you two shouldn’t be in the same city when they arrive, Dean.” You said while crossing your arms and looking directly at him.

“Isn't it funny how I didn’t even say his name and you already know who I am talking about? Cause it’s funny to me.” He implied with his characteristic smile and eyebrow move, while you rolled your eyes at him. “Don’t worry sweetheart we will be out of your hair.” The brothers left a kiss on your head as they said their goodbyes before leaving the place.

The Winchesters were family friends, it all started when John was on your Dad’s radar, and instead of arresting John, he helped him hunt a creature, that day their friendship began, and once in a while when they were in Virginia, your parents were happy to take care of Dean and little Sammy, it was easy because Dean was a well-behaved boy and Sam was your same age so he would play with you all day long, and before your father got retired from the BAU, he sent you to the FBI’s academy so he could trusted you with his job, in that way every time a Winchester job was humankind, you could step in and take their case.

—

After two and a half hours, you heard a familiar SUV engine sound and the first person to exit the vehicle was Aaron, with his sunglasses and typical stoical expression. He approached you hurriedly, and you could feel his gaze looking for any wounds.

“You know, I hate having to call you for this, but when I see you arrive, that’s when I know my job is totally worth it.” You said with a flirty smile while leaning over the fence of the house.

“Behave, please.” Hotch said although for a split second, you saw a little grin on his lips break into his composed self. Hotch was used to your flirting, he didn’t mind as long as you didn’t compromise him in front of the whole team. 

“Sure thing, Boss.” You tilted your head to see Rossi coming out of the vehicle and smiled at him as he walked closer to greet you. “Well, I guess it’s here when it gets serious.”

“Not that you try anyway.” Rossi emphasized. “No survivors aside from the officer?” Rossi said while arching a brow. The question made you chuckle a little.

“Wrong question, Dave, You do know that hiding that information from you is kind of my whole job description, right?”  You placed your hand on your hip while smirking at him with a hint of sassiness. But before Rossi could reply to your comment, Hotch interrupted.

They know about supernatural creatures, but they don’t know from whom you get the information, you have the feeling that if they get to find out someday, the Winchesters will be in jail in a heartbeat.

“Can you walk us through the case?” Hotch asked.

“Absolutely, but let me warn you, this is going to be a bad walk, like walking with high heels on grass, and your heel gets stuck and gets dirty, kind of walk.” Both men looked at you confused and you sighed.  “A family of hunters, they’ve been hunting humans like wild animals for years, only once or twice a year though, victims of opportunity, mostly males but I don’t think they have any preference.”

“What makes you say that?” Hotch asked with a frown 

“There are trophies everywhere, cars, hair, chandeliers made out of bones, teeth, photos, and when Officer Kathleen came, they were getting ready for another hunt.” 

You walk through the house with both men following your pace, as you watch the forensic team analyze the evidence.

“No found bodies.” You finish your speech looking directly at the kitchen.

Both men nodded and looked back at the files in their hands.

“So they made a sloppy move that got them caught?” Rossi inquired with an arched brow.

“The sons did, they got out of hand, the thrill was too much and they wanted more, they never had police presence before.” 

“Well, we should move to the station, Rossi will wait here for Spencer and Morgan.”  You nodded and pulled your keys out of your pocket. 

“You’re riding with me.” Hotch wasn’t fazed at your questioning look and took the keys out of your hands handing them to Rossi.

Although your head was spinning with questions and a sense of annoyance, your body followed Hotch to the interior of his car.

“Why?” 

“Because I say so.”

“That’s not reason enough, and you know that” You heard Hotch muffled a sound. “Is this because of what you promised to my father? Because is absurd, I’m fine.”

“It has nothing to do with that, I know when to pull one of my agents out of the field when is needed, you need air and probably a little bit of sugar, you’re pale.” 

You open up your mouth to argue back, but Hotch's words beat you to it.

“And No, I’m not saying you can’t handle things, but you need a break.” You only nodded and let out a heavy sigh. “Here.”

“It’s not funny when you don't let me argue back, but thanks.”  You said after taking the chocolate bar Hotch was offering you.

The ride to the police station was silent and comfortable, and once you had already eaten something after almost twelve hours, Hotch could see how the color of your face came back.

“Hey.” JJ greeted you with a tight hug when she saw you coming down the hallway. “I went to talk with the little girl.” Your smile dropped.

“Did the girl say something back at the hospital?” JJ thought she saw a sign of relief written on your face when she answered with a “No” But decided against bringing it up.

“Although she said something about wanting to kill the man with pretty eyes.” If Hotch hadn’t been paying incredibly close attention to you, he would’ve missed how your eyes hardened for a second, just in time to change it to a confused look before JJ noticed.

“How peculiar.” You said. “However she is mad as a hatter, I mean why would she lock herself in a closet back there.”

You heard Hotch call your name with a scolding tone, but you brushed it off and went straight ahead to the station kitchen to get a needed cup of coffee. And after a couple of minutes, you felt a big figure by your side, leaning on the kitchen counter.

“The less she knows, the better.” You brought the cup to your lips while glaring at him. “If the report and the witnesses don’t match my story, they are going to think I’m hiding something.”

“You are hiding something.” He dryly said and frowned at you looking actually offended.

“I’m camouflaging the truth.” You try to explain earning a stern look from Hotch. “Let me handle the interviews, I don’t enjoy lying to my team.”

“I know, they’re finishing their profiles, and going back to Quantico tonight.” He informed you, distracted by your scrunched face displeased at the taste of bitter coffee. “I’m staying with you.”

“Aww, aren’t you a sweet one?” 

“ To do the interviews, it’s our job.” He immediately said, earning a roll of eyes from you.

“Right, you can’t let a woman dream, can you?” 

He smirked a little and shook his head, analyzing your unconcern attitude, Hotch scans over your form struggling with making your coffee taste good.

“There’s no way that a fifth spoon of sugar makes that taste good.” He said dryly.

“Well, I don’t hear you coming up with solutions, Boss.” 

“There’s a coffee shop nearby, my treat.” You shoot him a smile and follow him back to the car without another word being said.

~~~

After three long days doing interviews and trying to get the story together, you and Hotch got the chance to sleep a couple of hours before your flight back to Quantico. And when you thought you were about to fall asleep, you woke up hearing the ringing of your cell phone making you jump scared by the sound, and answer immediately without looking at the caller ID.

“You have to tell me everything.” An excited and squeaky voice greeted you.

“Penelope I’m about to kill you right now if you don’t let me go back to sleep.”

“Oh please, I heard he smiled at you.” She insisted.

“What? No, it was a lip spasm, now bye.” 

“No, no, JJ said he smiled at you.” And you felt that maybe you were about to kill two agents now.

“Oh God, just let me go.”

“No, no, details.”

“Bye, good night.”

“No, no.”

“Adiós, hasta luego.”

But that night you slept with a smile on your face, thinking about how Hotch had a soft spot for you and you weren’t the only one noticing, and maybe just maybe, you are his favorite member of the team.

[lambsouvlaki]

His Heart (Dad!Jason AU)

Character: Jason Todd x civilian! Fem!oc

Rating and Warnings: G, no warnings, besides sappiness.

Word Count: 1,390

Summary: Jason comes back from a years long mission in space, and finds out he's a dad.

Masterlist

Jason stepped into the JLA Watchtower. Earth glowed, vast, blue, and beautiful, through the giant windows. It had been almost two years since he saw it. Dorothy knew what she was on about, there really was no place like home.

He was so sick of sleeping alone in his bunk. Andy had just moved into his apartment when he got swept away, and it had just started to feel really right. 

Dick stood in the otherwise empty airlock in civvies. The furrow on his forehead was a little deeper than it had been last time, but his smile was just as wide and genuine. 

He stepped forward and wrapped Jason up in a hug. Jason hugged his brother back, far beyond pretending at coldness. Space was cold enough, and the two years on the front lines had taken their toll on him. 

“I wasn’t expecting a welcome party,” he said as they pulled back. 

“What were you expecting?”

“I dunno,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “Maybe a giant spray painted sign saying ‘And don’t come back!’”

Dick laughed. “Sure, if we wanted to see how long it’d take you to break into the tower.”

“Three minutes.”

“Well, you’re tired, we wouldn’t hold it against you.”

Jason scoffed. “I missed you, you asshole.” 

Dick flashed his winning smile. “So now what? I only saw your arrival by chance. Do you have plans?”

“Not really. I’ll probably slink home, see if it's still standing. See if Andy still… wants anything to do with me.” 

Dick blinked, his expression going blank. 

Jason’s heart clenched. Was there just an empty apartment waiting for him with a note that had been collecting dust for eighteen months? It would be exactly what he deserved, he thought with a bitter twist of his lips. 

“I guess I’ll settle in for a couple of days then go find her,” he said. Maybe just messaging her would be kinder? No, he was going to look her in the eye, even if it was just to say goodbye. 

“Don’t do that,” Dick said. He touched Jason’s shoulders urgently. “Go straight to her. I’ll take you, we’re going now. She deserves that much.” He turned and hurried through the hallways towards the zeta tubes. 

“Whoa, what? What are you talking about?” Jason caught up to him, grabbed his arm and dragged him back to a halt. “What’s happened?”

“Look, it’s not really my place to say.”

“You’re freaking me out, Dick,” he growled. “What, is she dying?” 

“No! No, Jason, she… she’s had a baby. Your baby.” 

For a moment the world stopped. The rotation of the vast planet out the window surely halted, same as the beat of his heart. 

“What?” Jason rasped. 

“Sophie. She turned one a few months back.” 

“She’s my–? Oh. Oh fuck.” 

The world rebooted, spinning anew but the axis had moved. Jason leaned hard against the wall. “Sophie,” he whispered. 

Dick patted him on the shoulder. “Congratulations, by the way. For a year ago.”

Jason laughed, frantic and broken. 

“Do you need a moment?” Dick offered. “We can go sit and–”

“No.” Jason pulled himself up. He marched towards the zeta tubes. “We’re going now. Straight to Andy and my– my daughter. Is she… how is she? Are they okay? Did the family help out?”

“Of course, Jay. That little girl has a whole circus’ worth of aunts and uncles who love her to bits. And a doting grandfather and great grandfather who spoil her rotten.” 

He hung his head as they reached the platform. “I should have been there. I should have been there. What kind of deadbeat am I?”

“Save that for Andy.” 

“Yeah.” 

---

They drove from the manor to the apartment by the river overlooking the Narrows. It was the same one he and Andy had shared for that halcyon four months before duty came calling. 

Dick dropped him off downstairs, saying he didn’t want to intrude but demanded Jason call him when he was settled in to plan some kind of family night. Jason didn’t hear a word of it. 

He made it to the apartment door without registering any of it. He dropped his bag of gear. 

He knocked. 

“Coming!” Andy’s voice called. Faint music was drifting out through the walls, something upbeat and light. The door opened, letting in noonday light to the dark hallway, shining around a smiling Andy. She was in loose workout clothes that were stained on the shoulders. She wore no makeup and her hair was up in a bun on top of her head, and her skin had a light sheen of sweat. 

Her expression stuttered at the sight of him. 

He had no words. 

“Jason?” 

He surged forward. She met him halfway. Her arms wrapped around him as tight as his did around her, and it felt more right than anything ever had before. 

He managed to get her name out, before he kissed her. Her hand grazed his cheek so tenderly. 

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. Had there ever been anything so beautiful? 

“Jason, I have to tell you,” she said, putting a hand on his chest. “While you were gone, I…”

“I know. Dick told me.” He looked around the entryway. Even if Dick hadn’t said a word the folded up pram, the tiny raincoat, and the row of little shoes would give the game away. The furniture had seen a change too, most things had been moved higher up.

His eyes caught on the shoes. They were so small. He couldn’t help his smile. 

“Where is she?” he asked. 

“Gaa,” a high pitched voice rang out from the living room. 

Andy’s lips quirked. 

Soft, slow footfalls patted on the hard flooring, heralding the new arrival. 

He stepped forward, out of the still open doorway. 

And a little girl toddled into view. She was wobbly but her face was fixed into a determined pout. She stuck her nappy-wrapped bum out for balance, and held her arms cautiously forwards. She wore a single sock and a yellow dress. 

Jason’s heart relocated itself. It no longer lived in his chest.

She had a wispy halo of black floppy curls and a chubby round face. She stared at him. 

He knelt down. 

“Sophie, baby girl, this is your daddy. Can you say daddy?”

“Mammy.”

“Daddy,” Andy repeated, her voice wet.  

Sophie hummed. She toddled closer, relentless despite some wobbles. She stuck out her lower lip and fixed her eyes to him with absolute determination. He held out his hand. She reached back, closer with every step. 

Jason held his breath. 

Her whole tiny hand wrapped around his crooked index finger. She laughed in triumph and then fell onto her bottom.

“Oom,” she said on impact. 

She looked up at him again, actually seeing him now that her quest was complete. Big curious eyes of sparkling blue stared at him. 

“Hello,” he said. He offered a shaky smile. His eyes were glassy. 

She stared back. She blinked.

“Da.”

His tears fell. “That’s me,” he said. 

“Da. Da. Da de da den dayaya,” she babbled and giggled at herself.  She lifted her arms at him.

He lifted her gently and held her to his chest. She was so impossibly small. He could feel her heart beat against him, so feverishly fast. But she was calm, quite happy to be held. He curled around the most precious thing in the world. His breath hitched as he tried not to sob. 

She hugged him back; chubby little arms wound around his neck. She was so unafraid. 

He looked up at Andy. She was smiling down at them through her own tears, her hand held over her mouth. 

He stood, lifting his baby up. He held his little girl in one arm and the love of his life in the other. The baby was the only one dry eyed. Andy kissed the downy top of her head. Sophie leaned her head against his chest with a little sigh, safely ensconced between them. 

“Uncy?” 

“Hn?” he queried. 

“No, baby, he’s not an uncle.” 

Sophie turned her head back, looking up at him.

“Uncy Da,” she said, like she wasn’t letting them trick her that easy. 

He gave an amused snort that almost covered the yawning gulf in his heart. “That’s what I get for not being here.” 

“You’ll just have to stick around and convince her otherwise.” 

“Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “I will.”

Next>>

[lolidiary]

ok I’m back!! It took me a while to find your acc :,3

but anyways, imagine sitting at a restaurant with your big bro. Sometime during the meal, he slides his hand onto your thigh. You don’t mind, of course, but as you eat, he slides his hand higher and higher up your thigh, eventually pressing his fingers against your panties

you’re already wet, of course, how could you not be with how much he’s teasing you? He pushes your panties to the side, and presses his fingers into your warm cunt.

you try not to squirm too much, you’re in public! But as he finger fucks you, you can’t help but let out little whimpers, drool dripping onto your plate as you pant.

your waiter asks if everything’s ok, after all you seem uncomfortable. But as you open your mouth to speak, he speeds up, pumping two fingers into you. You let out a wail, as you cum, right there, with the whole restaurant staring at you. Theres no mistaking what just happened.

your big bro has to pay for the meal, and some extra for your little mess :(

🫧anon

Aaa! That’s so embarrassing… and mean!

I can imagine my face getting all read and tears streaming down my face. I feel like my life is over. You think it’s hilarious for some sick reason as we walk out of the restaurant slick running down my thighs and peaking out from under my skirt. I say I hate you. Which only makes you laugh harder considering I’m clinging to the sleeve of your jacket. I’m so angry but so pathetic. Because what can I even do? Absolutely nothing. You’re older and bigger than me and you take what you want. So here I am cold and clinging to you. You pose the question that if I hate you so much then I obviously don’t want you to fuck me and violate me anymore. That works wonders. Immediately I’m your obedient little pet again. Humiliation forgotten as I explain my embarrassingly extreme devotion to you, my mind too far corrupted to see how silly I look telling you I’m your little toy, and that I’d do anything to be around you, even be your punching bag if I’m not already. I’m anything you want me to be and you know it. I’m wrapped around your finger so tight my identity’s your will. I’m too naïve to realize I only still feel like I’m in control because you’re letting me. You know that with the snap of your fingers you could get me to change everything about myself if you wanted. But where’s the fun in that? If I weren’t myself you wouldn’t have been able to humiliate me like that. So for now you’ll stick with little temporary changes. I can be your maid, your dog, your fleshlight, your punching bag but I’m still your little brother. Right now no matter how much I want to deny it though, what I am is craving your cock. You can solve that when we get back to your car though.

(I’m so sorry if this doesn’t make sense or it’s bad- aaaaa)

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Reichenbach: Part One

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.6k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst

Summary: You're done with Dean and his antics. You want to leave and you're going to do whatever it takes to make him understand that he doesn't have the power here. You do.

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

It doesn't matter what city you're in or what bar/strip club you're at, Dean always manages to flirt with every woman to the point where he'd like to fuck them. There is an exotic dancer in this car that Dean has his eyes set on while you're at one of the tables drinking yourself away. Dean hasn't paid you any attention since narrowly avoiding his brother, but it's not like you wanted it in the first place.

If you're being honest, you're getting kind of bored with him. It was fun in the beginning but you hate watching him sing badly, flirt with other women, and beat up any man he sees. You look over the entire bar and notice Crowley by the front door. He motions for you to follow him outside, and you listen since there is nothing else left for you to do.

You down the rest of your drink and follow the demon outside where it's much quieter.

"Look, it's no secret that we're both sick and tired of Dean's behavior and his attitude. We need to talk about his anger issues. He is getting out of control."

"He's a class-a douche," you roll your eyes.

"We need to do something. I've been in contact with Moose. He's trying to find a cure for being a demon."

"Yeah, like what we did to you? Remember that?" you chuckle.

"Unfortunately."

"Tell me one good reason why I should care."

"If he continues down this path, he's only going to be more ruthless to the point where he might kill you. I'm gonna guess you like life."

"That was weak but I guess I'll help because he's getting on my damn nerves."

Seconds later, the front door of the strip club opens and the beaten security guard throws Dean out. Two teenage boys walk past the strip club and collide with Dean. They say something insulting but before Dean can kill them, Crowley steps in.

"Kids, am I right? In my day, we respected our elders. Of course, back then, anyone over thirty was ancient. Now forty-year-olds are still living with mommy, lying on OkCupid, and taking pictures of their food."

"What do you want, Crowley?" Dean sighs.

"A chat. We need to talk about your anger-management issues."

Dean has nothing better to do, so he follows you and Crowley into the nearest bar to grab a drink. Dean motions to the bartender when he gets there for a drink while you hold up two fingers for a double.

"So, how have you been feeling? On edge? Pent-up? Unfulfilled?"

"You sound like a Viagra commercial. You do know that, right?" Dean scoffs.

"This is about the Mark. It's changed you."

"I've noticed," Dean smirks and flashes his black eyes.

"I know that you want to keep the party going. I know you want to have fun till Daddy takes the black eyes away."

"Why are you picking on me? The Mark changed her, too."

"What are you, a child?"

"She's not going around beating people left and right. The fact is that you need to kill now. It's not a want, it's a need. Face it, darling. You're an addict. Death is your drug, and you're gonna spend the rest of your life chasing that dragon."

"So?"

"So, I'm here to facilitate."

"You want me to kill for you?"

"I want you to kill for us. You're going to snap eventually. The anger and the bloodlust are gonna build up until you can't take it anymore. So, the question is, do you want to spike a civilian or someone who has it coming?"

"Who?" you ask.

"Mindy Morris. She's a caring mother, a loving wife, and a cheating hoe. After her husband, Lester discovered Mindy's affair, heated words were exchanged. In the end, Mindy wanted a divorce and fifty percent of everything. Lester doesn't want that. We live in a very materialistic world. Mindy's gonna die one way or the other. Why not take the job and feed the beast?"

"He has a point," you shrug and down the first drink.

"Fine. This is a one-time deal."

The thought of Dean killing someone with the Blade causes your Mark to itch and burn slightly. You don't like the idea of going anywhere with Dean but he is going to cause chaos and you crave that right now.

"I'm coming with you."

"I don't care what you do."

"That's a lie," you scoff and down your second drink.

Most of that afternoon is spent watching Mindy at her house until the sun goes down. You're about to get out of the car when headlights shine from the end of the road. They get closer and a car pulls into the driveway. The car's lights turn off and Dean decides to confront the person rather than go inside and do the job Crowley wants him to do.

Dean takes the passenger seat while you get in behind him. The man jumps at the sudden noise and Dean smirks at this.

"What the fuck? Who are you people?"

"Let me guess. You're Lester?"

"Who are you two?"

"Who do you think?" Dean asks, flashing his black eyes. Lester seems to recognize the demon in Dean. "What the hell are you doing here, man?"

"My contact told me this was happening, so I wanted to come down and make sure it gets done right."

"Because you're the expert, right?" you ask.

"Murder 101. When you hire someone to kill your wife, you don't want to be around when the hit goes down. It's called an alibi."

"Yeah, I know what an alibi is. I watch 'Franklin & Bash'."

"Fascinating. Listen, you sold your soul for this shit, so--"

"It's not shit. This is my life, and she flushed it down the toilet."

"Did you ever stop to think why she cheated on you?" you ask and lean back in your seat. "Maybe she's not the problem, you are."

"I'm gonna say something to you and I need you to really listen to me," Dean says, recapturing his attention. "You're a loser. Your lady in there is ten times better than you. She's an eight and you're a four and a half, at best. I don't blame her for stepping out, especially if she found you were messing around first."

"No. I-I wasn't. How do you know?" Lester sighs.

"You just got that pervy 'I'd do anything to nail my secretary' look."

"No, t-that's not--It's different when guys do it."

"Really?" you scoff.

"Yeah, it's called science. Men aren't built for monogamy because of evolution. We're programmed, you know, to spread our seed."

Dean quickly punches him in the face for that comment.

"Like anybody would want your seed," you roll your eyes.

"As I said, a loser with a capital L."

"Yeah, well, you're a punk-ass demon! You work for me now. So, get in there and do your job, you freak!"

He really shouldn't have said that.

"What are you gonna do?" Dean asks with an icy glare. "Are you gonna watch? Is that what you like to do, Lester? Watch? Well, watch this."

Dean pulls out the First Blade and stabs Lester in the chest, killing him instantly. As soon as he is dead, you feel this wave of power that comes from the Blade. This high is what you need to feel like all the time. The high seems to get at Dean, too, but it's gone as quickly as it comes.

"Killing Lester wasn't such a good idea. Crowley is gonna be pissed he lost a soul."

"Crowley can kiss my ass."

This high is replaced by annoyance. If you were a demon, you'd be a much better one than him. With the "job" done, you two head back to Crowley who is in some bar talking to two demons. As soon as he sees you two, he motions for his minions to go away.

"Dean! Y/N! How did it go?"

"Go ahead, Dean, tell him."

"You were right, Crowley. He's dead and I feel amazing."

"He?"

"Lester."

"The client? You killed the client?"

"Does it matter? He was a douche. Now, he's a dead douche."

If Crowley was on the fence about Dean before, he's over it now. He's fucking pissed like you said he was going to be.

"Of course, it matters! The deal was one dead wife for one soul. If the wife's not dead, I don't get the soul. It's math."

"I told you," you say and he shrugs.

"Okay."

Dean turns to leave but Crowley isn't done yet.

"Don't turn your back to me!" Dean turns and shoves Crowley down to the ground with a cold chuckle. "Is something funny? What do you think you're doing?"

"Whatever I want."

"Really? Because I think you don't know what you want. Tell me, Dean, what are you? A demon? If so, why isn't Lester's wife dead? Did you feel sorry for her? So, maybe you're human. Except you have those pretty black eyes and you're working alongside me. Why don't you do us all a great big favor and PICK A BLOODY SIDE?!"

"Or what? Hmm? Go ahead. Make a move. See how it ends. I ain't your fucking bestie, and I ain't taking orders from you. When I need to kill, I'll call. Until then, stay the fuck out of my way."

"Fine," Crowley says and gets up. "It's over. What can I say? The crazy ones are good for a fling, but they're not relationship material."

"Are you done?"

"We're done. You know what, Dean? It's not me. It's you."

Crowley disappears seconds later, leaving you and Dean alone in the bar. Dean looks at you and sees a sour look on your face.

"What's your problem?"

"I'm done with your shitty attitude. You want to be the bad guy? By all means, but if you're going to be bad, be bad with a purpose. You're an even bigger dick than before."

"What are you gonna do?" Dean smirks. "Leave?"

"Yeah, maybe I will."

"I'd like to see you try," he laughs.

Oh, you will and he's not gonna like it when you finally do.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[ilovecoelacanths]

actually seriously though sorry to vent but this quarter has been like one of the worst times of my life i didnt really think it could get worse from last year but it did and also my whole family life kinda fell apart which didnt help.

i thought going part time this quarter could help me but it just gave me more time to do nothing and then feel bad about doing nothing. i only have two classes this quarter and im definitely gonna fail one and im maybe gonna barely pass the other one. plus my financial aid changed so school is literally 3 times more expensive which means im running out of money way faster than i have the past two years, i thought that since i worked 3 jobs this summer i had finally saved enough to pay for the whole school year but instead i barely paid for the quarter.

literally the only thing that makes school worth it right now is the rowing team and tbh half the time i cant even drag myself out of bed to get to practice because we meet at fuckin 4:30 in the morning so im just disappointing them and wasting all the fucking money in dues because we don’t get money from the school so we have to pay a lot to fund the club and yeah. i just. need a break. i thought i could do better this year but nothing ive done has helped and trying to fix whatever is wrong with me and do school at the same time is just too much.

im just so tired. im tired of doing nothing and then feeling bad about it and overwhelmed even though i havent done anything and all my tasks are very manageable. im tired of not being able to fall asleep on time because i managed my time badly or my roommates were being loud and then either getting up for rowing or sleeping way too long. im tired of getting 3 hours of sleep one day and then 10 hours the next. i feel like shit and i cant even tell people how bad it really is because i dont want to disappoint them but here i am disappointing them anyway. i want to fix it but for some reason things that should be easy are so so so hard. i didnt even brush my fucking teeth today man.

my professor sent me a message a week and a half ago telling me im gonna fail the class because ive missed too many classes and im too far behind and i still havent responded. she probably thinks i dont care but the truth is every time i think about responding i feel sick. i just want to go home but now everything is different and my mom and brothers moved to a new house and my aunt and uncle moved to a new state and i have to go home to a house that isnt mine and not all my family will be there. or i go to a different house that isnt mine and not all my family will be there. and they say they dont want me to pick sides but somehow going to either place feels like im betraying someone. cant a guy catch a fucking break around here

[starheirxero]

OH GOD, EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING, EVERYTHING'S GOING ON-

I AM SCREAMING, KICKING, CRYING, RUNNING UP MY WALLS, DRAMATICALLY THROWING MYSELF ON THE GROUND AND WAILING-

FIRST SAMS FUCKING PUNCHES AND KNOCKS ME TO THE GROUND, AND THEN MGAFS GIVES ME THE FINISHING BLOW- FUCK EVERYTHING-

OH GOD, WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN-

First of all, we finally reunited with old Moon…BY GOD, DID I MISS THIS SNARKY BASTARD- I am so happy, to see him again!!! He's so nonchalant and blunt, especially towards people outside of his family- It makes me so nostalgic!! His similarlities to Eclipse are clearer than ever, honestly!

Everything about it just makes me so emotional, I can't even begin to describe it-

He's on that same old beach where he gave up his life, the same old beach where he showed empathy and compassion more than ever before, the same damn old beach where he was the more selfless than he'd ever been- It is making me sick to my stomach/pos

He still loathes himself so much, still looks down on himself and his mistakes. He has never been able to let go of it, he'll always hold on to the mistakes he made. One of these mistakes is leaving a part of his code behind, which in turn created Eclipse. His hatred for him comes from the hatred of himself, because Eclipse is the embodiment of everything he hated in himself.

But even though he hates himself, even though he buried himself underneath a mountain of mistakes, he will never regret protecting his family. He has always been a big brother, always been a protector, no matter what! Even after everything, they are the only thing on his mind. I'm going to fucking cry, man-

God, he adores them so much! Everytime he talked about them, I teared up!

He adores and treasures Sun with all of his heart, and only wishes for him to be safe and sound and happy! He knows his brother, knows he's blaming himself, and wants so badly to put a stop to it! But he can't, because that would involve a conversation, and he cannot bare to hurt him more than he already has.

He wants to thank Monty, who has been his emotional support, his best friend. Old Moon is anti-social, apathetic towards anyone outside of his family, even another version of himself, yet Monty got through to him, time and time again. Monty, in their own right, was family too! The two of them always got each other out of the gutter.

God, when he talked about Lunar and Earth, I legit started to cry a little-

He always wanted a sister. He always wanted a little brother. He wished he could've met them, wished he could've gotten to know them, wished to have loved them as much as he loved Sun!

He did know Lunar, but he never had the chance to truly get to know them. Everything he said about them is honestly just so sweet, and shows old Moon beyond his shell.

They were just a kid in a shitty situation, made with a purpose they never wanted.

Old Moon has a hard time caring for others, yet he looked at this child, who needed help and guidance, and took them underneath his wing without hesitation. Tragically, though, he always kept his distance. I don't think, he quite saw, how much they looked up to him. He always kept them at arms length, because he had hurt one brother, and was afraid to hurt another, afraid to open his heart. Yet, despite this distance, he would've ripped Eclipse apart for what he did, without mercy.

God, I can only imagine what his dynamic with everyone would've been like, especially with Earth, who is so incredibly different from him!

Old Moon is such an intriguing character to look at! Especially with how obviously different he is from New Moon!

I want to analyze him so bad, but my brain just won't cooperate👀

I'm really glad, New Moon got his reassurance though, and even learned from Old Moon, it seems!

Now, as for MGAFS….NO, GOD NO, PLEASE EVERYTHING BUT THIS-

THEY WEREN'T JUST SEPARATED- THEY WERE PERMANENTLY TORN APART, NEVER TO REUNITE AGAIN- THEY CAN'T DO THIS, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS-

BLOODMOON'S REACTION TO HIS BROTHER'S DEATH- HE TRIED SO HARD TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE, BUT THE MOMENT THEY TRIED TO LEAVE, HE STARTED YELLING- HE HAS NEVER BEEN ALONE, ALWAYS ONE HALF OF A WHOLE. NOW HIS OTHER HALF IS GONE, AND HE IS ALONE, AND HE WILL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN-

I ALSO READ YOUR INTERPRETATION OF BLOODMOON'S LAST LINE, AND IT HAS BROKEN ME- THEY COULD'VE BEEN GOOD. THEY COULD'VE BEEN FRIENDS. THEY JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE CHANGED, DIDN'T WANT TO BE LIKED AS SOMEONE THEY'RE NOT. THEY JUST WANTED TO BE THEMSELF, YET THEY NEVER WOULD'VE BEEN ACCEPTED THAT WAY-

XERO, WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME-

-Stardust

YESSSSSYESYEYSES I DIDN'T TALK MUCH ABT THE TSAMS EP BC I GOT SO DISTRACTED BY MGAFS BUT EVERYTHING U SAID FOR REAL !!!!!! THE BEACH AND THE CONVO THEY HAD AND AAUAGGGHH

I was honestly so worried that there was going to be a sudden change in how Old Moon acted but seeing him just still wholeheartedly be him made me experience sooo many emotions. Like u said, the similarities between him and Eclipse are just wholly on display and it's like,, oh yea! you are who he stems from!

AND YEAH ALL HIS SENTIMENTS ABT MONTY + SUN + THE BROTHER N SISTER HE NEVER GOT TO KNOW. BURSTS INTO TEARS!!!!! For how little people he cared about, he made up for in caring about that small handful of people with his whole entire soul, even if that care could be convoluted and confusing and ultimately hurtful, he never wanted it to be like that. He just wanted the best :(

AND THEN THE LAST MESSAGE FOR NEW MOON AUGHHH I CAN'T EVEN. DIES EVERYWHEREEEE

AND THEN MGAFS. FUCK. I KNOWWWW I KNOW I KNOW IT FUCKED ME UP SO BADDD. THE FINAL BLOODMOON'S DESPERATE YELLING AT THE END FUCKED ME UP EVEN WORSE TO TOP IT ALL OFF I CAN'T EVENNNN.

AND SHAKES YOU SHAKES YOU THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SO EASY TO ACCOMMODATE FOR IT DRIVES ME INSANE!!! THEY WANTED CONTROL OVER THE ONE THING THAT IMPACTS THEM THE MOST, OF COURSE THEY WOULD HAVE DENIED ANYTHING ELSE!!!! THEY COULD HAVE HAD IT ALLLLL AAAAOAUHGHHHH

[romanarose]

Life update if anyone cares.

I only post this bc i was posting my depressing shit for months and a lot of people were reaching out in concern <3

cw sever depression, self harm, suicide, csa, SA, all the bad. but also lots of good <3

TLDR: Despite a god-awful semester, i got all a's and b's

Everyone thats been following me the last few months has seem my personal posts about how fucking awful things have been for me.

I've dealt with fact I can no longer deny that what happened to me was CSA, despite being on a milder side of things. That sparked an absolutely spiral. I didnt sleep for months which made things worse. School, I got an F on a midterm and i NEVER get F's on writing assignments.

Work had its complications and i quit and then rescinded that quit two days later. I was so constantly depressed in my dorm my roommate literally told me i needed to go to the basketball game with them bc i was sitting in a depression hovel none stop. I only went to services twice this whole time, one shabbat and once for Rosh Hoshannah.

I burned the ever living fuck out of my fingers, yall remember that one? lol.

In novemeber i had relapsed so severely on self harm i thought i had accidentally killed myself. I should've called 911. I thought I was bleeding out and/or going into shock. I then worked myself up more by going down pages of the internet about medical shook and people dying from it. that did not help my heart rate. I couldn't stand, I couldnt see straight for a while.

I could not afford an ambulance or a hospital stay as i am uninsured and only ork 25 hours a week. not a lot of money.

All this happened and I didn't miss work. This is not a brag, this is me not being able to makegood choices for myself.

Finally, thanksgiving break hit. Thank fucking god. I WANTED to use those 4 days of absolutely nothing to get to my TWO BIG RESEARCH PAPERS I HADNT STRTED YET but alas, I was SICK. I was so sick, in fact, and so hoped up on cough medicine for 3 days i was incomprehensible.

I was so physically ill, i couldnt even think about how mentally ill i was. I slept and slept and slept. And by the time sunday hit, I felt so recharged.

My failed midterm was so bad and so not me my professsor reached out to me. Im close with him (in a v appropriate way lol, hes a bruce springsteen fan too) and i felt comfortable telling him essentially that for a few months there things were severe, and I really should've gone in for a 72 hour hold multiple times and i was not safe. through a few lines of resources, I ended up back in therapy bc my school added a new therapist that is a woman (i stopped going last year bc i didnt like seeing a man)

I like my new therapist.

Anway, in about 2 weeks I wrote 2 12 page research papers, 2 book report papers, 1 science paper did 2 presentations, took 2 finals, wrote 2 more finals with essay questions, and at the end of it all, not only did I not fail any classes...

I GOT ALL A'S AND B'S! Which means my gpa is still high enough to renew my scholarship for my last year

I am so fucking proud of myself for accomplishing all this despite suffering so fucking badly. I havnt felt pain like that in years, just agony.

I had a down turn again over christmas bc my siblings were literally ass, upto and including making fun of me for not ating (i am multiple accounts of sexual trauma from several people, so im scared of dating), making fun of my eating, and my sister slapping me and my older brother hitting me. Was a bad time. But for right now, im in the place im staying for break (all january) im back at my old day care and they love me, and olive garden at this store has been going great

Im hoping next semester to be better, im hopful at least

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has supported my writing has supported me through these times. It makes me happy that i came her to share my silly little moon knight x reader series, not really intending on writing a whole lot, but next thing i know, i have friends and a lil community. so thank you <3

[compassionatereminders]

i guess you could call this a vent or whatever but im going to tell you about something that has been making me crazy lately

so when i was like 3 i took a serious blunt force blow to the forehead. our house had hardwood floors and my brother had left a sock on the floor and i slipped on it and hit my head on the rounded corner of our oak coffee table. it left an inch long open wound and i was completely dazed and unresponsive, but conscious.

here is where i start getting frustrated. my mom didnt call 911 or take me to the ER, she took me to our family pediatrician. already really questionable imo but it gets worse. so ive got this gaping hole in my forehead and im unresponsive right? so what do they do? sew my forehead shut right there in the pediatricians office while i watched. didnt give me any anaesthetic or anything because i was, again, completely unresponsive.

then my mom was like "okay you arent bleeding anymore, can i leave now so i can go see the play i wanted to see?" but at this point im screaming and crying because im a toddler with fucking brain damage and a stitched wound that still hurts.

so she just took me home and that was that. and then for months afterwords she couldnt get me to wake up in the morning so she stuffed my limp body into my school clothes herself and took me to preschool half asleep. and then nobody ever spoke about it again except to make jokes.

its been two decades and i am only now realizing that ive had serious brain damage the whole time. my mom and brother have been shaming and belittling me for years for displaying symptoms of the brain damage that they gave me. my mom calls me a fucking spaz and my brother is pissed because he thinks i get "special treatment" instead of realizing that i need more help because he gave me brain damage. its like the final puzzle piece that explains why my life is such a mess.

and im just so overwhelmed by the fact that my mom and brother are directly responsible for the immense suffering ive endured over the past 20 years. all my health problems, the mental illness, the inability to avoid being abused, its all because of the brain damage. and they keep making fun of me for it. im not even mad im just. horrified. the sheer negligence of it all makes me sick. how many people like me are out there suffering from old brain injuries they didnt realize they had?

its like my brain cant even comprehend how fucked up the whole situation is. which is why im here telling it to you in the hopes that you will agree that its very bad 🙃

This is abuse and neglect on a level that no one and nothing could ever justify and I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. You deserved SO much better! ❤️

[fumikosushi]

Mentions of parental death under cut.

I haven't really talked to that many people about all the things that have gone on surrounding my mom's death. I talked to maybe two people, but not a whole lot. I have a hard time talking to people directly about the things I'm going through (trauma has led me to having difficulty confiding those things in others, but I'm trying to do better). For now, the easiest way for me to do that is just by making a post where I throw things into the void.

Even before my mom passed away, my family was being absolutely horrible. My sister, my mom's sister, her brother, and the man she was staying with were just fucking awful. I would also like to point out that none of these people had anything to do with her until she was dying. My sister visited not once while we lived here for 10+ years until she heard my mom was dying. My brother visited some and with his it's different because his schedule doesn't allow it, but my sister flat out refused to speak to my mom unless she could con my mom into giving her drug money (for crack and heroin). My sister drained my mom's bank account this way, mind you. Took advantage of my mom's desire to help her to try and be a good mom and my sister lied to her for drug money.

When they were here the few days before she passed people treated both her and myself terribly. With me, it was nothing new. My family has already been pretty fucking awful. My only real problem with my brother is his refusal to acknowledge anything that happened being fucked up, but I still might end up opting into going no contact with him too like I have my father and sister.

The entire time I was there, even though I was literally silent and minding my own business, I was just.. bullied the whole fucking time. My sister and my mom's sister would whisper to each other while looking at me and laugh or they would try and say things to provoke or gaslight me into a reaction (I never gave them the reaction they wanted). My mom's brother spent the whole time drunk and fighting with people. Again, I constantly have comments made about me despite the fact I literally never spoke unless spoken to. Even then, I didn't say much.

There was a point where my mom wasn't really responsive. You know, she wasn't really.. there. Like she was alive, but she was literally skin and bones with next to no meat or fat left on her body. She couldn't speak. You could hear her struggling for air. What does my sister do? She calls my dad who horribly abused her for years and lets him just say what he wants in her ear while she's unable to respond and literally fucking dying. Like.. who makes someone listen to someone who help ruined their life as they're dying? That's just.. sick. I genuinely feel as though my mother died feeling completely unloved. I won't lie. I honestly can't believe that she didn't and it fucking sucks because it haunts me. Like, how is she supposed to feel loved when she's suffering so much and everyone around her is just continuing to abuse her? These people couldn't even respect her after she died either.

We still haven't had a service for her. Her brother is in charge and that always means whatever he's in charge of? It's never happening. He's always too busy getting plastered and telling everyone how shit and terrible they are like he's even the slightest bit delightful to deal with himself. Not to mention.. my mom's abuser has her ashes (the guy she was staying with) and he refuses to let me have any of her ashes. I feel like if anyone deserves to have them, it's me - I'm the only one who has ever been here for her. But no, of course, I'm being fucked over and not included in anything. If they have a service, I'm sure I'm not even going to be invited. I am so tired of being hated by these people just for existing as a disabled person (this is literally why they hate me - they're all ableist af and don't believe disabilities exist).

So I go to my boyfriend's to try and deal with all of this and my mom's abuser is whining at me to hurry up and send photos of my mom I took from her house like he has ever given me what he owes me. My mom's ashes. I told the guy I'd do it when I got back to keep the peace, but God, I already know it doesn't matter how civil I am despite hating these people. I will still be excluded. So I've decided to give them diddly fucking squat. I lost a fuck ton of things to do with my mom because I couldn't afford a truck for her things. No one could find it in their heart to just help me move anything (my place is literally 10 minutes away from hers) and we would have paid them back too! But no. No help. So I lost 90% of my mother's belongings because they're all in the fucking dump now because the landlady threw everything away before I could get a truck.

And like.. the day my mom died my siblings were just like "aye we're leaving" not hours later and I'm just like ??? That's so.. crazy. Our mom just died and you're just.. gonna go back to South Carolina?? Like yall aren't gonna make sure I'm okay or nothing? Just "oh yeah, here's the tv mom left" and then you fuck off? These people baffle me.

I'm home now and tbh I'm still not okay at all and God, I don't want anyone to tell me shit like 'it gets better' or whatever because I'm so tired of hearing it. As I said, I just needed to throw my feelings into the void. I'm not wanting some pity party or whatever. This isn't even everything going on right now, but this is the stuff to do with my mom.

[unreadpoppy]

.

I'm not upset because I didn't get the role I wanted. I'm upset because of everything else.

Because I've been on this group for 8 years, I'm currently the person who's been there the longest and I feel invisible. I feel like I'm always the second option.

'Cause I keep getting told how 'important' i am to the group, and how 'good' and 'talented' I am, but I'm always fucking side lined. "Oh but we need strong voices in the ensemble, we need someone who knows what they're doing to help the others" well goddamn it I'm fucking tired of being that person, and not getting a fucking chance ever under the spotlight.

And like sure, I could take it when it was small roles, but after three years in a row where your name is not called, where you're pushed to ensemble for the same reason, it gets fucking tiring.

Because yes, the ensemble is important, but I also feel like I'm not developing any of my skills in it, so yeah, it does bother me.

And it feels especially more fucked when you know favoritism is happening. Because everyone who has private singing classes with the vocal coach gets either the role they wanted or a role. And guess what? I HAVE SINGING LESSONS WITH HER, since 2022 and still I get the short end of the fucking stick every goddamn time. Even my friend pointed out that it was weird that every one of her students got that favoristism but I didn't. (and i'm bringing this up because she always plays a big part in deciding the roles, and this time around, it was practically only her who chose who plays what).

And also, I even discovered that this one prick that nobody likes (including the coordinators) keeps getting good roles because he's autistic and if they don't give him something, he's gonna freak out, so they give him a good role for that. And then I'm not supposed to be fucking pissed.

Especially when like, I was sick, I wasn't going to audition that day, I only did it because the vocal coach asked me to, and despite everything, I still think I did a good job (and it was an audition in front of everyone else and even the others told me I had done well and thought I would get the part) and then I got home and had to listen to my dad tell me shit. Fuck dude, I was beating myself down for it but I found a recording someone did of the auditions and I saw mine and it truly wasn't that bad.

I know I'm always number two, because every fucking time someone skips rehersal, it's always me they call to cover for them. And every time someone decides to leave, it's always me that gets their part. So I am good enough to do things I'm just not good enough to be the first choice apparently. And I'm not even the one that fucking realize this. It was my friends from there. They were the ones that began saying they didn't like how I was treated, that I was never given a chance to shine. They're the ones who get really pissed at this bullshit. And it's them, my parents, and even my fucking brother who could give less of a shit about this, even he gets bothered.

And my fucking god, what adds salt to injury is that even when I swallow all my feelings and work my ass off to do this shit, I BARELY get a fucking "hey brenda, good job". Just fucking nothing, while I see people who have gained the ire of the entire cast because of their attituted get praised time after time.

I guess my problem is that I let myself wish, right? Because I keep wishing and hoping that I'll get noticed and the universe kicks me on the goddamn stomach again and again.

Call me selfish, jealous or whatever but god fucking damnit I got the "rejection feels worse" condition and I'm fucking tired.

[fangbangerghoul]

My week in a set of photos~

The black pictures represent the back of my eyelids cause my ass has been asleep for most of it.

Monday started out normal, I had a presentation that I forgot about coming back from spring break but I nailed it because I've seen enough politicians bullshit in my life to replicate that.

Tuesday I slept in on accident but turned out it was for the best because I got a stomach bug. Which fuck all of that.

Yesterday I managed to keep down, jello, bananas and bread along with my water only diet for those two days.

Today I have managed to eat one solid food and it thankfully cured the ever-present headache. Currently I am still eating jello in between stuff to not test my luck but I have upgraded to some more tea for caffeine reasons.

I have been brainstorming while all this has been happening and watching a lot of The Resident because apparently Medical Dramas are my sick go to (used to be Trailer Park Boys but I cannot tell you how many times I've rewatched all those episodes, so I had to switch it up recently)

Am I still on a writing hiatus? Yes. Will I be off it very soon? Probably not. I really want to give myself a whole month off plus I promised my brother I would crochet a big project for him soon and he just ordered the yarn. I think when I do decide to start publishing material again it will be material, I have a sum of, so I am not stressing myself out about posting. I also just prefer to have things of quality written instead of what I felt I did last time and gave lots of quantity. I don't think my writing was bad, but I also felt like I always made myself feel I had to produce a lot and I am trying to step away from that for my own mental health.

But I do have ideas, many ideas, and I have spoken about these ideas with several people who have helped me focus them. Are they Starfield related? No. But yknow I am not gonna say that ship has sailed yet because I do have a bunch of nonsensical notes and a maybe false hope the story will still be cared about. But my passion in brainstorming exists for other things right now.

Currently I am rushing to finish a paper that was due yesterday to make my English grade not look like I am failing.

Thats about it for the update from me. Y'all have seen my BG3 posts from over my spring break. That's literally all I did. I was gifted an Xbox as a late graduation present (I graduated in the Fall with an Associates of Science in Psychology; I am just crazy and am now pursuing a bachelor's in political science pre-law. I could just stop and call it a day, but I like this whole learning thing too much) So now I will forever have to choose schoolwork or Faerun.

[kifu]

So I realized yesterday how close I was to losing one of my friends. He's a current coworker, but considering coworkers ARE the only friends I have up where I live, he's a fucking friend. One of the three coworkers (going on four I suppose) I've ever had up here. But anyway.

He was in a bad place. His wife that he ADORES and centers his life over decided (out of the blue) to end their marriage. They've been together for just short of a decade, just got married last year. Now no one knows his wife's side of the story. She won't tell him what happened, just made it clear that it's over.

It ripped my man apart. Threw him over the edge.

Found out that he called the other current coworker I consider a friend this Saturday, but he didn't answer his phone. Hell, I tried texting him when I started getting red flag suicide messages for help. Turns out, he accidentally left his phone on airplane - was blissfully unaware. I stopped hearing from my guy reaching out.

Found out on Monday that he checked himself into the hospital. Learned yesterday that he planned to ask our coworker friend to come over for "gun therapy" (it's a thing up here, very common) and shoot himself as soon as our coworker's back was turned. I indeed felt sick most of yesterday.

I got a call from him today. He's out of the hospital, on new meds for depression and preexisting psychosis, with weekly therapy sessions. He told me I'm the only one he's planning on reaching out to in our workplace until he can talk to our boss.

I've been a lifeline for someone before. My wife, in fact. I have NO problem advocating for those that can't for themselves. I have no problem dealing with suicidal ideation. I'VE been there. Active suicide is a little different. Not the first time I've dealt with that, either.

I am happy to help him even he needs it. HAPPY that he's willing to reach out as he leaned a life without his wife. I am scared I might not say the right thing when I am now the one he trusts most.

My brother almost committed suicide a couple years back. His girlfriend was cheating on him with his best friend. He lost his entire friends group. My brother still hasn't figured out how to get better.

I'm lucky. A lot of my problem was living in the city. Yeah, brain didn't help either, but I learned healthier coping mechanisms that social ideation is far and few in between. I KNOW how I got there, but you can't just ... talk someone into that mindset. For one, it's hard. It is so so hard to change the way you let you speak to yourself. Two, most of the advice you can give just sounds superficial and stupid. But it really is all up to you. Happiness really is a choice, even if it's a really hard choice. I don't know how to make that sound better to someone that hasn't gotten to doing the work.

But I'm generally pretty big on trying to choose the words well enough that they're difficult to misconstrue. I'm not willing to lose my friend. He's become important to me, and not having him around this week has been incredibly ... weird and noticeable. We've been strict partners for months now, and I'm suddenly paired up with someone else. I just want my friend back and I can't wait to see him again to give him a hug.

I'm lucky I can do that.

[having-conniptions]

Love In The Air episode 5 live reaction under the cut (long post)

Awwww Payu is checking if Rain got sick OHMYGOD HOW MANY HICKEYS CAN A GUY- awwwwww little forehead kiss <3

And Payu with his hair down AAAAA

At least Rain is finally getting some sleep

"I was gonna flirt then dump him, but willingly became his instead" AYYYYYYYY

MOM ALERT

"I don't get why architecture students study so hard." Rain, under his breath: "Do something else hard, more like" BOYYY HAHAHAHA

And he's borrowing Payu's sweater 😭❤️

RAIN'S ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED FACE WHEN HE SEES PAYU WORKING OUT TOPLESS AND SWEATY

Ohhh is Payu gonna be mad? Worried? Mad about being worried?

Meeting the mom so soon huh?

Yeah he's mad cause he's worried

And he's getting a little controlling idk what to think of this

"Are you ready to be punished?" You guys just made up so I'm gonna assume you mean in a sexy way

Was not expecting "fever reducer. Rectal suppository." HELP I'M DYING HAHAHA

Oh no Rain don't call for your mom what if she actually comes in huh

Annnnd there she is with snacks. Rain under the covers thinking "don't be suspicious, don't beeeee suspicious" while Payu plays it cool - I bet he already got Rain's pants off and that's why Rain is hiding like that lol

Payu is such a smooth talker

Yup, pants were off. This was not the scene I expected but it was the scene I needed lmao

Prapai!!!! He's sooooooooo

"I was gonna ask about the cutie's friend. But it's okay. I can wait for Payu. Cause if he's a devil, then I'm a beast." TELL ME NOW HAVE THEY BEEN HOOKING UP I REMEMBER PRAPAI BEING IN A GOOD MOOD RANDOMLY AND THEN DISAPPEARING FOR SEVERAL EPISODES AND SKY HAD THAT GIANT HICKEY ON HIS NECK I SAW THE CLUES THEY'VE BEEN HOOKING UP HAVEN'T THEY

PRAPAI I BARELY KNOW YOU BUT I LOVE YOU

Not Sky sneezing because someone is talking about him I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON

"Should I address myself as 'Wife' instead?" RAIN STOPPP HAHAHA

"We're just junior and senior. Your time to win me over is up." PAYU DON'T MAKE HIM SUFFER LIKE THAT SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW

"From now on... I'll be the one to pursue you." OH the game is ON. THE GAME IS ON I SAY

Yeah hit him with that pillow knock him the fuck out Rain I support you

"You left scratch marks all over my back last night" WELL YOU LEFT HICKEYS ALL OVER HIS CHEST I THINK YOU GUYS ARE EVEN

Rain being a little tsundere but literally only lasting for two seconds is what I live for

"I want you to choose... between becoming my wife or having me as your husband" PAYU THAT'S LITERALLY NOT HOW IT WORKS also why are they getting engaged already is this the gay version of uhaul leabians??

PAYU BUSTING OUT A WHOLE ASS SPEECH WHY RAIN SHOULD AGREE TO BE HIS BOYFRIEND (WIFE?)

WHAT DID HE WHISPER IN RAIN'S EAR I NEED TO KNOW

That's a lot of tongue ayyyyyy

Payu is so happy and in love aaaaaa why is this episode called calm before the storm I'm scared

Rain is so shy and giggly while texting Payu aaaa I love them

OH so that's what Payu whispered awwwww <3

Sky is 100% done again lmao

Oh Ple...

"I would have been happier if I hadn't just gotten a husband" for the 100th time babe you did not get married

SHE REALLY ASKED RAIN FOR PAYU'S NUMBER I AM CACKLING GIRL YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU JUST STEPPED INTO

Not Rain almost publicly calling Payu his boyfriend aaaa

"I think... my brother likes P'Payu too." IS THIS GONNA BE A RAIN JEALOUSY ARC???

Rain still has tea on his nose lmao

"Damn these fruity siblings" NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I AM WHEEZING

Whoever wrote these subtitles deserves a raise

Good to know everyone looks a little dumb with a helmet like that, even Rain

Motorcycle ride giving me kpts flashbacks

My pet peeve is that we can always hear the fabric of their clothes etc moving/rustling because they were probably wearing mics while filming, it makes me feel like I'm hiding in Payu's shirt lmao

Oh hi Sky! Rain don't be shy he knows anyway - not just because you talked about it but also because I still suspect he's already hooking up with Payu's best friend (who obviously also knows about everything that's going on in Payu's love life)

AWWWW SKYYYYY aaaaa I love himmmmmmm

Lmao Payu asking about Ple

Not Payu calling Rain's mom asking for permission for Rain to stay over 👀👀👀 boy has plans I suppose

Which is exactly why we have a timeskip to the next morning lmao

Payu is humming while making coffee and I am once again reminded of the fact that this episode is called calm before the storm WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN

PAYU I'M ALL FOR YOU LIFTING RAIN UP ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER BUT COULD YOU PLEASE PUT THE KNIFE DOWN FIRST

Oh my gaaaaahddddd the singing scene

"If anyone asks, just say that you're P'Payu's wife" xD

Bonus scene: wait that was before Rain even started studying there and Payu wrote him a good luck note IT IS FATE AAAA

[lovemikage]

SPILL!!!!! 🔫

omg hello … okay SO I fleshed her out as part of an rp w @angeltails so this is based mainly off of that bc I had to adapt her out of rp BUT;

before her bite she was a small time indie artist, very much in the vein of early sabrina carpenter/olivia rodrigo but less famous. she was also planning on going to law school bc it’s me so ofc she was <3 the lab at her university created the spider that bit her by engineering a pink crab spider. though i’d like to add that i contemplated having a mexican pink tarantula bite her bc it’s so funny bc I am also mexican but I did not

lives in california and protects new angeles (thanks babe). it’s a running joke she has to commute to work bc of the traffic. told pav she’s in cali and he asked if she protects san fransokyo or if it’s still that little hiro boy and she calmly explained that is still hiro’s gig but sometimes she’ll go up there and help <3

since she’s been bit she’s still pursuing her music career but has taken a bit of a step back because of how demanding being a spiderperson is. she’s focusing more on school rn because if she gets recognized she’ll die 😭

her suit is based off of/heavily inspired by that one spider barbie fanart … will link if no one has seen it pls lmk. but her webs are pink/have an iridescent sheen to them! her suit is also one of the most impractical because “I will always promote cuteness over comfort” so she has a cutout of a heart where the typical spider is (it’s a heart shaped spider tho :D)

so she TECHNICALLY has two powers added onto the spider powers but it depends. the scientists (aware of the possibility of spider people) were attempting to kind of…super soldier that shit a la steve rogers. the main power I attribute to her is the power of luck, rendering her basically unable to die of anything aside from old age. there’s also her power of mentifery but that’s mainly reserved for rp purposes since it’s stupid overpowered 😭

her bf ended up being her universe’s mysterio </3 w the way her power works, once you pick a fight with her only one person is coming out the winner and it’s her. so when that damn fishbowl broke and she sees her BOYFRIEND ?! oh she was SICK …

her brother was part of her main canon event; she was helping him fight and since the luck power is only concerned with its user’s safety (primarily physical), she tried sacrificing herself for him and it didn’t work </3 baby is going THROUGH IT

she is dating both pav and gaya <3 at first it was funny bc in their universe she’s a popular western artist so gayatri was like ??? what the fuck ??? but miss pink lady is so pretty she doesn’t care (she also def knows pab is spider-man bc he’s terrible at hiding it so she was like honestly why question a woman w big tits

she goes by pink lady because it’s me duh but also because she has arachnophobia so she’ll fully be like “why would I go by spider girl or spider woman I fucking hate those things”

the art style of her world is very pink (thank u to my gf @bladeisms for this idea) so she’s usually very pink toned when she’s in other universes