#broadside entertainment

[wulfums]

Chief Wulf my friend Chief Wulf

[w0rldclassjelly]

Is it normal to be completely terrified of the Starlings bcs....

I recently got the game! I have been enjoying every bit and piece of it! But....I got to the Plaza, where the Starlings become actually active...and i haven't opened the game since! I HAVENT EVEN SEEN THE DWELLERS YET, and I hid in a barrel right when I got there

[kwebtv]

TV Guide - September 19 - 25, 1964

Fall Preview:  1964 - 1965 Shows

ABC

12 O'Clock High  (September 18, 1964 – January 13, 1967)

ABC Scope  (November 11, 1964 – March 2, 1968)

The Addams Family  (September 18, 1964 – April 8, 1966)

Bewitched  (September 17, 1964 – March 25, 1972)

The Bing Crosby Show  (September 14, 1964 – April 19, 1965)

Broadside  (September 20, 1964 – May 2, 1965)

F.D.R.  (January 8, 1965 - July 23, 1965)

Jonny Quest  (September 18, 1964 – March 11, 1965)

The King Family Show  (January 23, 1965 – September 10, 1969)

Mickey  (September 16, 1964 – January 13, 1965)

No Time for Sergeants  (September 14, 1964 – May 3, 1965)

Peyton Place  (September 15, 1964 – June 2, 1969)

Shindig!  (September 16, 1964 – January 8, 1966)

The Tycoon  (September 15, 1964 – April 27, 1965)

Valentine's Day  (September 18, 1964 – May 7, 1965)

Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea  (September 14, 1964 – March 31, 1968)

Wendy and Me  (September 14, 1964 – May 24, 1965)

CBS

The Baileys of Balboa  (September 24, 1964 – April 1, 1965)

The Cara Williams Show  (September 23, 1964 – April 21, 1965)

The Celebrity Game (April 6, 1964 - September 13, 1964 / April 8, 1965 - September 9, 1965)

The Entertainers  (September 25, 1964 –March 27, 1965)

Fanfare (June 19, 1965 - September 11, 1965)

For the People  (January 31 – May 9, 1965)

Gilligan's Island   (September 26, 1964 – April 17, 1967)

Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.  (September 25, 1964 – May 2, 1969)

Many Happy Returns  (September 21, 1964 – April 12, 1965)

Mr. Broadway  (September 26 – December 26, 1964)

The Munsters  (September 24, 1964 – May 12, 1966)

My Living Doll  (September 27, 1964 – March 17, 1965)

On Broadway Tonight  (July 8, 1964 - March 12, 1965)

Our Private World  (May 5 – September 10, 1965)

The Reporter  (September 25 – December 18, 1964)

World War One  (September 22, 1964 - April 18, 1965)

NBC  

90 Bristol Court  (October 5, 1964 - January 4, 1965)

Branded  (January 24, 1965 – September 4, 1966)

Cloak of Mystery  (May 11 - August 8, 1965)

Daniel Boone  (September 24, 1964 – May 7, 1970)

The Famous Adventures of Mr. Magoo  (September 19, 1964 – April 24, 1965)

Flipper  (September 19, 1964 – April 15, 1967)

Harris Against the World   (October 5, 1964 - January 4, 1965)

Hullabaloo  (January 12, 1965 – August 29, 1966)

International Showtime (September 15, 1961 - September 10, 1965)

Karen  (October 5, 1964 – April 19, 1965)

Kentucky Jones  (September 19, 1964 – April 10, 1965)

The Man from U.N.C.L.E.  (September 22, 1964 – January 15, 1968)

Moment of Fear (May 19 - September 15, 1964 /  25 May 25 - August 10, 1965)

NBC Wednesday Night at the Movies (September 16, 1964 - September 8, 1965)

Profiles in Courage   (November 8, 1964 – May 9, 1965)

The Rogues  (September 13, 1964 – April 18, 1965)

Tom, Dick and Mary  (October 5, 1964 - January 4, 1965)

[crossxroads]

Have you got hcs for main 3 with a s/o that is extremely skilled in melee and unarmed combat, but they find out that its to make up for their sheer incompetence with a firearm? Sorry it was so specific...

And I fired, and then I missed, then I fired again. And I missed—

Can’t Even Hit the Broadside of a Barn Main 3 and Melee!Reader

Deimos

He knows that you’re very skilled and a capable fighter, able to no-sell and deal with people way more armored and armed with you. He’s also, absolutely in sheer disbelief at how much of a lousy shot you are. Like, seriously, how???

He, at first, thinks you’re pranking him. 

But then it turns out, no matter what firearm you’re given, you just. Can’t hit anything.

“Are you seeing this shit, Sanford?” “Still working on believing it.”

He’s met new recruits that can’t hit a bottle at 5 feet, but somehow, you manage to not hit anything at all, no matter what you aim at. 

It doesn’t matter how close or how far, you somehow manage to shoot 90 degrees while looking forward. 

He ends up trying to science it (I.E. Writing it down, and screwing around, which is pretty much science) and ends up giving up 2 hours in.

“Whaaaaa?”

It’s okay, he still loves you a lot. Please leave the shooting to him while you go crack skulls together.

Hank

So, the Number One Bastard of Nevada™ finds this fucking hilarious. If you’d been anyone else he would’ve laughed in your face and then executed you so goddamn fast. But! As his SO, you are very dear to him, so he’ll just laugh all wheezily and watch the chaos unfold.

He keeps handing you guns.

They really shouldn’t be, but whenever there’s a lull in the fight you can bet like, 3 dollars that Hank’s gonna find some rifle or a shotgun and plonk it into your hands. 

Please keep trying to kill things, this is the best entertainment he’s had since Deimos accidentally lit Sanford’s pants on fire. 

You have like, 0 accuracy. If you aim at something, someone else will die.

He really thinks it’s funny that some poor unsuspecting bastard gets kneecapped or body-shotted by the worst gunperson in the history of Nevada.

They take little notes on the things you’ve hit accidentally.

(40 windows, 33 cars, 16 light poles, etc, etc)

Hanks likes to show it to Doc so the guy can let out the most aggrieved sigh.

Hank prefers to watch you fight anyway, and with you not shooting and fighting purely on melee and hand-to-hand, it allows him to have more bloodshed when it comes to his targets as he’s an all-rounder sort.

The lack of accuracy on your side of things is just a really funny bonus.

Sanford

Like Deimos, he’s pretty much in disbelief. 

What?

How??

Why???

He loves you a whole lot, but seriously, this whole situation is bonkers. At least you keep a lot of melee weapons on your person and can fight back with your punches and kicks, it eases the anxiety..

At least you have good trigger discipline, but at the same time, you are just a walking hazard if you have a gun.

Will you hit a wall? A vehicle? Himself? Yourself? He doesn’t know! You don’t know! The moment you pull that trigger, anyone’s a potential casualty. 

In terms of sheer chaos, you with a gun lives in his nightmares rent-free. 

It’s also funny as fuck, but he’s only laughing until after he gets to a safe cover and doesn’t need to worry about getting accidentally murdered.

He wonders if “A weapon that fires projectiles” counts as a golf club. You can use it as a melee weapon, but what if you tried aiming a grenade at someone?

—The grenade ricochets off two walls.

—Sanford screams.

—Deimos screams.

—You scream.

—It blows up a transport vehicle.

—Don’t do it.

He’ll give you a consoling pat, but just plainly asks that you never pick up a gun ever again, please, and thank you.

[admiral-mason]

SAGAU x Battlecruisers Part 2

Aquatic characters react to an aspect of Charlie's world.

Feat: Beidou, Kokomi, Furina

The world of Battlecruisers... is not a happy one.

Humans were driven to near extinction, leaving behind a large number of former cities and technology for the next civilization to pick up upon. And the next civilization turned out to be even worse.

The automata that inherited the position of a dominant civilization turned out to be worse than their makers, exterminating what little of humanity before reverse-engineering the metal sharks that roamed the high seas.

Charles Wilfred Haka V1 never saw it happen, but he got a taste of what the world was truly like when impulsively stole the Trident. And now, your acolytes will learn of it too.

Beidou: Sailing and Trading

She's not content with the state of trading and getting around in Battlecruisers.

Due to the state of the world, plundering and luring have been common.

An infamous example is the Black-Rig.

Its oil rig-like structure describes the nature of foreign relationships in Charlie's world: lies, traps, and selfishness. Without a keen eye, your career would be blasted into spare parts.

Aside from the cons, though, Beidou looked in awe at all the ships that Charlie owned.

From the Trident to a Black-Rig, he owned one of essentially every "standard" ship in the market.

Even more impressive was the fact that he stole them all after dangerous fights.

She considered inviting you and Charlie on the Alcor for a day or so.

Kokomi: Warfare

Kokomi was initially fascinated by the weapons that Charlie told her about, taking notes and tidbits until she saw the ultraweapons.

Kokomi was shocked at the Orbital Laser's capabilities. A literal flying death laser capable of blasting anything while the enemy could only hope to destroy its mainframe structure.

She was further shocked at the capabilities of the Broadside Cannons, pummeling the enemy with shell after shell via its six guns on a central hub.

But what shocked her the most was the Nuke Launcher.

Upon seeing its nuclear blast, her jaw was agape. Never had such a weapon ever been created and unleashed in Teyvat.

And yet, this one launcher with its one projectile can singlehandedly destroy an entire battlecruiser.

While she may be well-versed in the art of war, it shook her to know that these destructive weapons are unleashed all the time in Charlie's world.

And that's it. Sorry if it's short, I just can't come up with too many headcanons.

Genshin Impact by miHoYo. Battlecruisers by Mecha Weka.

Edit 1/25/2024: Added Furina headcanons.

Furina: Entertainment and Isolation

Yeah, Furina hates the entertainment in Battlecruisers.

It's not even the fact that it's not Opera- it's the fact that violence is the only real form of entertainment in such a depressing scenario.

And everyone in the world is isolated. If anyone else stumbles upon you it's typically to blow up both you and your battlecruiser.

Safe to speak, she hates the Flooded Earth because of how depressing the scenario is.

[tomsmusictaste]

Thanks for the tag @tessabennet !!! 🖤🤘✨

Rules: Shuffle your playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag some people!

1. Seasons by Broadside

2. Spiderwebs by Four Year Strong

3. Master Celebrator by No Fun At All

4. Whenever, Wherever by Out Of Date

5. Nice Guys Finish Last by Green Day

6. Under Blackened Skies by Fozzy

7. The Stigma (Boys Don’t Cry) - Reimagined by As It Is

8. Hot and Bothered by State Champs (Holy hell, Derek’s voice has come a long way since this one 😮)

9. Alive by Good Charlotte

10. Crooked Halos by Dragged Under

Certainly some interesting stuff in there 😂 I saved a grand total of 3 Fozzy songs when they were on the Download 2017 lineup, so that fought some pretty hefty odds to pop up. Tbh I don’t think I’ve actually ever listened to that Out Of Date cover before now, it’s part of an album full of punk covers of well-known songs - I just saved it ‘cuz I liked the Wonderwall cover on it. Def some odd ones.

But some good stuff too; Crooked Halos in particular is a FUCKIN’ BANGER!! More folks gotta check out Dragged Under fr, their album from last year was incredible 🤘

Tagging: @bad-entertainment @midnightportals @binders-and-beanies @joshydoesntknow @rais-againstme @meowtalhead AND also anyone else who wants to 😸

As always, no pressure etc. etc.✌️

[big-boah]

Do you love addicting, entertaining, beautiful indie space games??? I do!!!

And boy does my best friend have a game for YOU!

@broadsiderenegade is a badass rogue-like space pirate game for PC. Choose your captain, upgrade your ship, and warp ahead in a race to steal the space king's booty! 🏴‍☠️🌌

Countdown to takeoff: Late 2024 🚀

Watch the trailer here! 📺

Not only is the gameplay smooth as hell and entertaining, the pixel art and animation are absolutely stunning:

Wishlist Broadside Renegades on Steam to support my friend & his amazing work!! 💪🎮

[thepariahcontinuum]

So this was a tinker idea I had that might be stupid, but they’re essentially a combination of a tinker, mover, and breaker who can make anything but they can’t choose the design or the materials. They’re like the Benny spaceship scene from the Lego movie, where they announce what they’re gonna make, and then they zoom around in a frenzy and build it out of nearby materials at lightning speed. The downside is that once again they are only half conscious while building and limited to nearby materials.

See you said stupid, but this made me think of an Ork Mekboy from Warhammer 40k....Which means that yes it's stupid, but it's supposed to be because it works and that is the charm of it.

I feel like their Trigger event was kinda similar to Bakuda, except they handled it better... This is someone who was at trade school, working part time at at least one job and helping their struggling family in other ways as well and one bad grade, or the amount of extra stress they put themselves under in the effort to make that bad grade up snapped them and they just started making shit without thinking about it in a half blind and exhausted haze.

Personality wise....A bit dumb, a bit abrasive, is generally done with everything and everyone; is essentially a good person who has never in their life had good options. The end result is someone who was approached by the Wards and considered it but took too long making a decision and entertained offers from gangs a bit too much, so now they're a freelance problem solver and tech support for every criminal in town who is wanted by the Protectorate. The only reason they've managed to remain freelance and keep the right to decline services on any particular project that they insist on is simply because nobody wants to try forcing or capturing a Tinker who is that unpredictable.

They don't usually go out and do jobs in person, but when there is something they can't help but want to steal, usually for a project their suit is the tackiest, nastiest bullshit you've ever seen....I mean it is basically a mech suit; I'm imagining a mix of Ork Meganobz and T'au Broadside Battlesuit from Warhammer 40k and Daytrader from the Bayverse transformers....This shit has go faster stripes on it, a birdnest on one gunbarrel and a pet racoon living somewhere inside it that's all I'm saying.

Cape name: "MechGuyver" yes he thinks he's funny

[scoutbot]

something i think is kinda funny

i was watching a video on shipwrecked 64; normally that kind of horror content would make me really paranoid while i was watching during it and for a while afterwards (acceptable price to pay for fun media experience, imo), but then they got to the part where they mentioned like 2 guests dying as a reason for broadside's amusement park failing, and it completely took me out of the experience.

people die at amusement parks all the time - not due to any specifically dangerous property of amusement parks, but because of the sheer volume of people that go in and out on a daily basis. its statistically impossible not to have someone kick it every once in a while.

it took me out of the experience so badly that the horror part just. completely lost its grip on me.

like i can belive that woodcrawlers Will Be At The Fridge after watching a video on gemini home entertainment, but one incorrect assumption about amusement park operation is enough to completely negate any fear derived from shipwrecked 64

[dahliaduvide]

This is not an attempt at confessing my life's traumas, as much as examining the cultural themes relating to my experiences.

Reexamining music about violence from the perspective of a survivor.

It is also an attempt at expressing uniquely feminine pain and anguish that has long been ignored by genres that examine male pain, such as metal, industrial, and most all of the *cores that emerged from them, but including blues, country music, and English language folk music. Experiences unique to humans having children, but also those of violation, lack of physical dominance, disenfranchisement, erasure, demonization, stolen agency, navigating narrow social constraints, etc. These experiences are not unique to women universally, but in our culture here in the USA they are had most often by women and other oppressed groups.

I've been fascinated with murder ballads since I was a kid listening to 60s folk revival and country western music with my parents. Fascinated in a kind of thrilled and afraid way.

How many times did I hear the words of Delia's Gone before I realized it held a passive threat?

I wanted to know what kind of power these songs had. I did what I do best, I dug into as many old sources as I could find to understand where these songs came from. I learned about broadside ballads and Child ballads and the Roud folk song index. So there is history, just not mine.

I learned that Delia was a real murder victim.

There was also an Ellen Smith and an Omie Wise. There are two different Frankie and Johnnys. The unnamed shes, hers, hims, and theirs. And of course the victims and killers who lost their names to lyrical meter and are now known only as Molly, Polly, Jenny, Maggie, Margaret, Willy, William, Tom, or Johnny.

Because that's the thing about these songs, a lot of them started as news- a kind of news based entertainment that would of course be hard for any modern person to understand. People who heard them wrote their own versions with different words, different melodies, different rhythms.

My life is a lot, with no break in the storm in sight, but digging through these fragments of pain help me keep things in perspective. I'm lucky enough to have access to meds and a therapist that I really get along well with, but I don't feel comfortable with the kind of raw expression I'm working towards with this project.

Right now I am focused on what I see as the beginning phase: Warming up and refining my musical ideas by performing traditional songs, covering modern songs in a "traditional" style, and rewriting traditional songs to examine them with a better understanding of history.

Some big inspirations for this stage of the project:

It's been almost a decade since I've been in a band, and I've never worked solo before, so it's slow going to say the least. But I am also enjoying working on this musical project more than any I have done in the past. No matter how many times I move on to work on something else I always come back to this music.

I'll be using this space to gather research materials, workshop song ideas, fuck around posting aesthetic stuff, ramble pointlessly, and share drafts of my songs.

If you are interested in following this project's development, follow my tumblr and whatever social media accounts you prefer.

It may be awhile, but you'll hear from me. 💜

[captainclickycat]

2022 wrapped: Clicky Goes to a Bunch of Live Shows Edition.

Shows in question being: Wooden Overcoats, The Live Shows (and the post-show mingling which was essentially the closest thing to a convention I’ve ever been to before), Foil Arms and Hog on their Swines tour, Reading Rep doing Midsummer Night’s Dream, Bellowhead on their Broadside tour, and the Muppet Christmas Carol with live orchestra doing the music.

Featuring me with Sam Sweeney, who appears to be terrified of me, and Beth Eyre, who I appear to be terrified of, or at least very flushed and jittery in the presence of. And Beth again, because I went to see her doing some Shakespeare in Reading and she was nice enough to hang out with me for a bit afterwards, which I was (and still am) embarrassingly, inordinately thrilled about.

I’m somewhat biased because I’ve got a crush you can see from space, but she comes off as a genuinely delightful, sweet-natured sort of person who goes out of her way to be lovely to fans. The first time we met she asked for my name so she could make her signature out to me and it was all I could do to smile politely and make a valiant effort to remember what it was. I liked her more than I can say.

(Should also mention for clarity that the rest of the WO cast and crew were also absolutely lovely and great fun to be around. I didn’t get any pictures with them because I’m a lazy fuck.)

But I did get what can best be described as a drive-by selfie with Sam Sweeney when he was signing things, whose solo music I only discovered that evening and I absolutely love it. It’s very uplifting and made me light up inside, and I’d very much recommend his album Escape That for anyone who’s into instrumental folk stuff. It was also very exciting to briefly meet one of the Bellowhead guys, I’ve been a fan of theirs for a decade now and it was lovely to see them live. For the third time. So not quite as momentous but still fantastic. He had cool trainers which lit up.

Overall it was the best series of shows I could have gone to and the best entertainment-industry people I could have mingled with. 100/10, wouldn’t change a thing, except maybe the opportunity to get a picture with a guy in a Kermit suit which would have rounded things off nicely, I think.

So I did, Tom. I did.

[thehiddenelephant]

ARCH-DAEMON: Floating Fortresses of terror and torture, Arch-Daemons lead the fleets of the Abyss as flagships and capital ships. Thousands of lost souls row the oars of these crude vessels, pushing forward a bulk made of unnatural wood and stone. Abyssal Dwarven cannons belch sooty cannonballs into enemy ships. Those that survive a broadside will be boarded, their crew captured for the twisted entertainment of the Abyssals aboard. Even with its unrefined construction, an Arch-Daemon is a hardy vessel, taking brutal punishment before dealing greater in return. Among its armaments is a thunderous mortar, just like that of the Volcan's. Unlike its smaller cousin, however, the Arch-Daemon is stable enough though size to use such a cannon effectively. Each Arch-Daemon is so colossal, it is considered a mobile base for coastal raids by the leadership of the Abyss. Indeed, among its structures is a gladiatorial arena. Either unfortunate victims are tossed in for demons' amusement, or the elite soldiers of the Abyss train within, honing their skills for the next gory combat. The saving graces, in the Forces of Good's eyes, is that the Arch-Daemon is neither quick, nor subtle. Indeed, sailors maintain that you can hear cries of the damned on the wind flowing from an Arch-Daemon.

UNDERWORLD: There is no ship afloat that is more feared than the Underworld. This damned vessel has only a few short months to her name, but the power contained within her is so horrific that tales of her slaughters quickly spread from port to port. What distinguishes her from a common Arch-Daemon is not enhanced firepower, nor speed nor durability. Instead, it is her gaping maw, a glowing portal that leads to the Abyss itself. Swarms of winged fiends can easily flutter through, clouding skies with their wings. Hordes of lesser Abyssals can pour through, leaping into combat directly. But the prospective of endless demons isn't what chills sailors the most. It is that whomever is slain by the Underworld's near-endless crew have their souls stolen, sucked away to join the Lost Souls rowing the abomination. With this combination of endless warriors and endless workforce, the Underworld scarcely needs to take to port, moving from one target to the next, preying, smiting, obliterating. A coalition of goodly-aligned admirals have come together to track the monster and slay it, an endeavor unparalleled.

[tortoisesshells]

For the fic excerpt ask game, #3 and #23? Thanks :)

3. ... that encompasses my style:

Answered here (and here, and here), but! I love it when characters digress internally about things totally unrelated to their current problems as a way of approaching those problems obliquely. Here's Vicki thinking about apple pie and chowder, and not being displaced from the only home she's ever known and working for a family of unhinged WASPs up beyond the last regular stop of the train:

She moved down the counter to talk to another patron, leaving Vicki alone with the soup – clam something or other, she supposed. No tomato. It was hot, though, and that was good enough for the present – she ate slowly, regretting that she had left her book on her desk, thinking over what she had planned to teach David, how she would adjust her plans for the week – and, looking around the dining room, how quiet this place was compared to New York. Even (especially, maybe?) at the cheapest, most run-down lunch counters and diners, there was enough traffic that the donuts and pie were almost always fresh – and that looked like last week’s apple pie crumbling on the plate by the coffee carafe. Maybe the apples were fresher to begin with – Carolyn had, off-hand, mentioned orchards on the edge of town as you headed towards Logansport – she supposed it must have been the next town up the coast. Maybe. All she could say, from her memories of David’s atlases, was that Bangor was an hour from Collinsport, and there was a national park across Frenchman’s Bay from here – Arcadia? Acadia. That sounded nice. Somewhere along the way, she’d gotten the idea that places like that only existed so far west – places that even sounded different: Colorado, California. Everyone’d heard of Yosemite, after all – it wasn’t like you could forget it, even in Manhattan, walking past that old statue of the first President Roosevelt. She imagined the walk from the foundling home, holding the park on her right, the laughter and skipping of the other, younger children on a rare expedition.

23. ... that was inspired by work from another medium:

I picked a specific edition of Godey's Lady's Book (vol. 62) for the background chatter of Remember the (Godey's) Lady's (Book), which has a terrible pun of a title, and I'm not sorry.

“Perhaps,” Miss Green had drawled, “If the lines of war were not so strenuously drawn, we might have had June’s Godey’s?” And there was an end of that avenue of search. Mary’d found a tattered copy at the morning market, after a few day’s poking – shoved in a miscellaneous pile of broadsides and papers, headlines rioting together with the last few month’s news. As if to bless her task, a vague figure that was almost certainly Florence Nightengale graced the frontspiece, visible after the cover had been ripped away. And – goodness! – was that supposed to be Dorothea Dix? She’d handed over full fifty cents for it – certain she had cheated Mr. Godey, by about dollar’s worth – thinking it would be a worthy investment for a few nights’ entertainment.

send me a number and I'll send you an excerpt of my writing!

[asting-carolynnunn]

19th Century freak shows.

Freak shows in the 19th century are an exhibition of rare qualities in the human body. The typical features would be physically unusual such as being uncommonly large or small as well as conditions like conjoint twins. People that are heavily tattooed or pierced have sometimes been in freak shows as side acts. More commonly people who eat fire or swallow swords perform as side shows.

Freak shows include people that have deformities and have been treated as objects of interest for others entertainment. During the late 19th century and the early 20th century freak shows were at their highest popularity. They were commonly seen at amusement parks, circuses, museums and vaudeville.

There were four ways freak shows were produced and marketed. The first was lecture which features a showman that introduced and presented the “freaks.” The second way was printed advertisements like broadside and newspapers. The third step included costuming, choreographing, performance and space to display the show. The final way was collectable drawing or photographs that portrayed the group of freaks on stage for viewers to take home.

[puutterings]

guessing at the distant letters... entangled in a labyrinth of meaningless questions

  ��     Within the stifling examination room there began an ocular examination which would have wrung tears from the eyes of the most caloused refractionist. Assailed, buffeted on all sides by an unending broadside of questions such as, “Is this better? Does this make the letters brighter? Can you see better with this,” etc., and perspiring profusely in the humid dark room, the stout Mrs. Morgan Kale’s mind was soon confused. The constantly changing lenses flashing before her eyes, the clumsy, puttering fingers of the old optometrist, the unpleasant odor from a scorching cardboard shade over the dark room lamp, the pungent odor that reeked from every corner of the room, completely discomfited the wife of the coal and lumber magnate. As the moments dragged, she became doubtful of L. Wayne Pope’s refractive skill She began to entertain grave misgiving whether she had selected the correct lens. A moment later, she was merely guessing at the distant letters; her mind was hopelessly entangled in a labyrinth of meaningless questions.

—

ex Leston W. Betts, “A Fable of Two Optometrists,” in The Optical Journal and Review 51:17 (April 26, 1923) : 27-30 (28) U Chicago copy/scan, via google: link via hathitrust :

moral : Keep close up with optometry’s progress or you will close up! sub moral : don’t be old, nor stout.