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taeraeszn · 1 year ago

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can i request zb1 as love languages? thank you so much!

ps i LoVE your writing.. thank you for making my day

zb1 as love languages

hi luv! thank you for requesting <3 tbh i thought this request was very cute when i first saw it and now that i have time to write it, i'm so excited!!!

also thank you for your kind words!! it makes me so happy to know that people love my writings!

warnings: food mentioned but no more from what i saw but pls lmk if there is any!

btw these are all just my thoughts PLS don't attack me if we don't have the same thoughts. these are just what i pulled out from my brain so i apologize if it's similar to what other writers have posted on here.

kim jiwoong - gifts

idk about you guys but i think jiwoong is DEF the guy who'll gift you so many things when you two are dating

like your just heading to a cafe and he's outside waiting with a bouquet in his hands

most of them you don't even ask for, he just offers you them but you can't decline them either since he'll ignore you and hand you them anyways

i also think that for very special occasions like anniversaries and such he'll think carefully of what to give to you then make it the biggest reveal ever

^like maybe a ring or necklace!!

like bro is going all out for you

with every gift he gives, their for a reason, and that's what makes you love him so much <3

yeah i just love jiwoong so much guys <3

rest of the members under the cut!

zhang hao - acts of service

NOBODY CAN DISAGREE WITH ME ON THIS

hao definitely loves giving acts of services that may seem small to others but are actually so thoughtful and considerate

say there's a day where you come home from a long day and the house is literally spotless bc hao offered to clean it, thinking you were mostly likely tired

and this could also be like him helping you with something so you're not struggling alone!!

he's just your little helper and you love it!!

not just that but he'll always talk to you when your feeling down and listen to whatever you have to say and try to make the situatio better

in general, having hao in your life helps everything become so much easier with his presence

and you're always thankful for everything he does <3

sung hanbin - words of affirmation

fun fact this one was the first one i thought of when i saw this request lol

LIKE IT JUST SUITS HIM

and seeing how he originally wanted to be a therapist really shows this

you can just tell he cares about what others have to say and he listens to them with full attention

and same goes for you!! i think everyday he'll remind you of how amazing you are and how much he loves you just because

sometimes he'll even send a text or two reminding you that he loves you deeply

and whenever you come home, he'll remind you that you did well and worked your hardest!!

idk im squealing writing this, ALSO HAPPY EARLY BDAY HANBIN!!!! <3

seok matthew - physical touch

i was pondering between this option and gifts but idk after seeing how affectionate matt is with some of the members i chose this one!

i think matthew just loves hugging you or holding your hand

like in public he will REFUSE to let go of your hand bc he doesn't want to lose you in the crowd

as well, i think matthew would also give you sweet kisses on the forehead and lips, reminding you once again of how much he loves you

idk maybe i'm thinking ahead on this because this is my love language lol

and whenever you two are sitting together he'll just casually rest his hand on your thigh to ensure that he's right there

and though he claims that he wants to be woohyun oppa, he's still your cute little matthew through his physical affection

in the end he's clingy and you love it!!

kim taerae - quality time

i chose this since a lot of the trainees on bp said that taerae would bring his guitar with him and just chill with the trainees

i think he'd also do the same with you!!

like his stay that was supposed to be only twenty minutes ends up becoming 2 hours since he keeps singing songs for you and just wanting to be by your side

and out of the blue he'll just message you and say that he wants to be with you

or he'll just sit on facetime with you for hours on end while studying and not say much, only because he wants you to be with him

you are his favourite person to be with and he will always show that through his quality of time

especially seeing how in the taerae he went to each member's room to see how their doing, idk man that just did things to me

best boy kim taerae

shen ricky - words of affirmation

i was torn between this and acts of service tbh but i think woa suits ricky so well

like hanbin, he'd always remind you of how much you mean to him as a partner and never make you second guess his feelings for you

he's quite literally the perfect boyfriend ever!!

as well, he'll also encourage you to do what you think is right whenever your talking with him and give you great advice for situations

not only that but i believe that ricky would remember small things you mentioned in the past and bring it up again to remind you of how much he actually listens to you

and at night he'd casually slide in a text or voice chat that tells you that he loves you forever and always <3

idk mane ricky is just literal perfection!!

kim gyuvin - physical touch

anyone who says no is lying to themselves

gyuvin LOVES affection especially seeing how he literally adores yujin by touching his face 24/7 and being close with his other members!!

and as your boyfriend, gyuvin would quite literally do the same to you

just always touching your face to kiss you gently

his arms always wrapped around you to keep you near him at all times along with a few sweet hugs

^also he never lets go of your hands

even when your sitting down he'll casually intertwine your fingers together

but you love it sm since it reminds you that gyuvin adores you dearly <3

park gunwook - acts of service

idk about you guys but this just makes total sense to me

as a class president in school, gunwook probably has lots of experience helping others

for you he'd always want to offer a helping hand

you text him that your bored at home and one second later he's at your door with food

or when your sick he takes time off of studying to take care of you despite you telling him that he doesn't have to

even small things such as you saying your thirsty leads to him running to the vending machine to grab you a drink

he goes out of his way to pretty much do everything for you

you always thank him for his help but he plays it off as what every partner should do <3

han yujin - gifts

originally i was thinking another one but after seeing him gift ricky those figurines with the box and matthew with the protein bars, i had to choose this

he genuinely thought out those gifts well which makes me :"")

for you, he'd consider everything he gives you carefully, thinking of what you've been wanting and telling him about

and for each birthday of yours, your always surprised at how thought out each gift is

and the times when you express wanting an item, he goes out to buy it for you right away, packing it nicely for you

i also think his gifts would have a cute note on it!!

he always prioritizes you and rejects your offers to buy him something

i know yujin is still very young so i think this suits him very well

#zb1 #zerobase1 #zerobaseone #zb1 fluff #zb1 scenarios #zb1 drabbles #zb1 reactions #zb1 x reader #zb1 as #park gunwook #kim jiwoong #zhang hao #sung hanbin #seok matthew #kim taerae #kim gyuvin #han yujin #shen ricky

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dgalerab · 2 years ago

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alright here's my thoughts on how you'd fix stranger things (starting at s3 bc my stance was always that i could deal with how s3 did s2 dirty if it was building up to something properly in s4 and haha. hahaha. hahahaha. ahahahahahaahaha.)

mostly in vague terms of character arcs bc i'm still niggling at the idea of writing some screenplays for alternate episodes as a writing exercise

max vs mike: honestly the max/mike as foils aspect was GALAXY BRAINED and UNDERUTILIZED but it should have been mike's hypervigilance vs max's rebellion. *me dry heaving with the urge to not go on a rant about how the duffer bros see anyone with a gf as Normal and this blinds them to the traumatic elements that--*

mike should have been, honestly, on the same side as hopper. like, he's an angsty pre-teen so he won't ADMIT that he's on hopper's side but i think his friction with the party should have been that he's constantly overthinking where el can go without being noticed. you could still have the hormonal teens aspect with some grumpiness vs hopper but i think the overall aspect should have been that mike and hopper are very similarly overly protective

meanwhile max is going through it at home with extremely overbearing patriarchal figures. setting up for her grief arc in season 3, we really should have seen how billy is being abused, how he hands it down to max (by being biting with her from a safe distance since she laid down the law) and how she then struggles not to hand that down to lucas (also she should have had another moment where she again threatens billy away from lucas, showcasing the fact that she's as protective as mike is, despite her quarreling with lucas). so coming off this oppressive environment, she pushes to get el into freedom, being a little bit reckless, bc honestly who's gonna know? wound up with teenage overconfidence for taking on billy + a little bit of a self harm undertone because of her frustration with herself for inadvertent curtness with lucas bc of her struggles at home

the nancy/jonathan subplot is pretty good, but honestly? i think both of their sides should have been legitimized. keep and possibly even amplify all the moments with karen and nancy and the very serious fact that nancy is the victim of misogyny, but also give the byers more money troubles!! give jonathan and joyce moments where they're struggling financially! give joyce struggling to find work bc everything is shutting down because of the mall!! *slams fists on tables* lean into the horror of the mall!! the mall devours!!! the mall is the flesh monster, devouring all!!!!

ANYWAY

shut the absolute fuck up with making hopper unlikable so he can be redeemed by *checks notes* being tortured in a russian prison. fucking christian-ass hellsinner nonsense. give me hopper floundering trying to give joyce a sense of safety. taking her seriously but not knowing how to help. knowing she's thinking of moving away for money and trauma reasons. being scared to ask her to stay. being scared to offer to protect her. and honestly, i think he should have moved to cali with them, purely bc joyce felt safer that way and that's part of his redemption arc is just to trust her

make will less uwu babey boy. boy's been possessed. let him be fucking sloppy and mean. have him fighting not (entirely) against his friends to keep his lost childhood, but also himself. give him a crushes he doesn't want to have. make him be a dick about lucas and mike trying to get el back after the breakup. make mike be a dick back bc will started getting personal. FUCKING INCLUDE LUCAS IN THE ARGUMENT BRO

speaking of lucas has such an underdeveloped character arc in season 3 you'd have to invent it from scratch and tbh i'm still fucking noodling on this one. i feel like it'd have to contrast max and mike's different takes on overprotection. honestly, i feel like lucas' entire thing is the competition for hero with mike in s1, which would be an interesting arc - like, honestly, it would be fun if lucas was getting REALLY into tactics and it's part of the reason he hard commits to fixing mike and el's relationship but he's also weird about d&d now. it would make an interesting shift from the whole "sorry will lol we have GIRLFRIENDS now so we don't have TIME for interests, that's how PUBERTY works bc what 13-14 yos are really known for is being really normal about their interests and only being into girls). like maybe they've been straying from d&d bc mike's overvigilance is leaking into his dming and lucas' tactical special interests are leaking into his rp and dustin's over it and will wants them to just play d&d NORMALLY bc he doesn't want to face that he's not normal anymore and never will be again and this is deeply intertwined with the horror of puberty and queerness and trauma

i like the scoops troop dynamic but i think they shouldn't have been so disconnected from the party. i think there should have been this chaos with mike and max's war of the different flavors of the same person and lucas' Operation Get My Bf and Gf to Agree campaign and meanwhile dustin is like "so anyway there's a russian base underground" and they're like "DUSTING THERE'S NOT A RUSSIAN BASE UNDER THE MALL"

i don't care about alexei get rid of him

honestly i don't care if this is my get babygirl steve a boyfriend agenda, i think eddie should have been introduced in s3 as a direct foil to billy and a queer puberty parallel for will. i'm too winded from my other thoughts to elaborate but i'm right

karen should have divorced ted. instead of being like "what am i doing nearly fucking a teenager i have a family" she should have been like "what am i doing nearly fucking a teenager i gotta GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING MARRIAGE"

anyway tbc i need a breather before i deal with season 4

#words of ain #st

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commitmenttime · 1 year ago

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6/21/2023 (start)

first post and its...... hello welcome to my ted talk blog where we’re going to set intentions. for the first time in my entire long tumblr career im going to use this blogging platform as it was initially intended to be used by god: daily life blog

the main thing for this is that i have goals i want to accomplish and im gonna post every day about what ive accomplished/or struggled with

faq (assumed):

q: why are you doing this

a: i find that having to publicly acknowledge what im actually doing is the accountability i need in my adhd brain. also my therapist is like bro journal

1) weight loss

1.1) whats the goal here

i wanna get to a healthy bmi for a lot of reasons, some of which are gender but many of which are health. i’ve gotten down to about 185 pounds before and was so much happier w/ my body/health/general existence. i see a lot of fat positivity on my dash and fully support that!!! but some of my health/physical problems are genuinely related to weight

so!! i’m currently 217 pounds on 6/21/2023. i wanna get down to 185 pounds by the end of 2023. the ultimate weight loss goal is like... 136 pounds bc that’s the healthy mid-range BMI for my stats. we will reassess by the end of the year

1.2) how do this goal

for boring stats, that means a planned diet of like. 1500 calories a day or so. this requires... basically just finding cheap/healthy meals to cook that my lovely food sensitive self actually wants to eat/can cook while doing a million other things.

upping water intake.... how to do this in a way thats natural

another bonus would be to find exercise i can do quickly, consistently, and that i enjoy while also being busy as fuck

2) meditation

want to meditate for 15 minutes a day. i am an anxious ball of stress and i actually do benefit a lot from meditation but have not made it consistent

3) writing

i write for my job and future but i also write fiction for fun. want to write for like 15-30 minutes a day

4) music

this is still tbd on if i can transport my koto to where i live but: playing like a combined 30 minutes of music a week..... perhaps a good idea. consider this one more

5) language study

i am holding myself tenderly. we gotta get better at this and we both know and understand this. we need to figure out a way to do this and i love u, i am setting this intention, we will figure this out

ok squad thats all for now

#idk what people tag normal things as but ill figure it out next time

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catboyshinsou · 4 years ago

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sick headcanons!

anon request: i love your writing smmm !! 🥺 can i request mha sick hcs where they take care of the reader when they don’t feel well 🥺 you choose who !! <3333

a/n: sorry it took so long <//3

pairings: Kaminari, Kirishima, Tokoyami and Monoma x sick,g/n!reader

warnings: none rlly, mention of throwing up in monoma, slight manga spoilers

can be seen platonically and romantically <3

kaminari:

Tbh i think he’d be quite Useless

Just rlly panicky n stuff bc what the fuck does one do with a sick person???

*walks into your dorm* “hey y-n wanna- WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOK TERRIBLE”

*you in a blanket and not having enough energy to be offended* “i think i’m dying” “y/n WHAT”

He’d try his best regardless tho

He goes to sato and helps with doing something soothing and welcoming

On his way back to your dorm he passes aizawa and tells him you’re sick in THE worst way

“Oh yeah Aizawa-sensei, y/n is dying-” “THEY’RE WHAT”

Kami would definitely storm into the room with him and be just as worried

What if it was something really serious??? Like the plague?????

They find you just laying in bed, sniffling and groaning

Turns out it wasn’t the plague and just a bad flu

Flu with its whole jazz, you had a fever of 38C and you could barely move

Aizawa got you excused from classes for about a week and left again

Kami just stood there with his soup and went “oh thank god you're not dying”

like i said i think he'd be useless but try his best

he checks up on you every half hour either in person or via text during classes

he brings you stuff like blankets and foods even though you can't taste any of them or have any type of appetite

but! thanks to the fridge in your room you just had snacks for about… forever

he gave you extra attention too

sometimes he'd just sit on the ground and talk about his day and theories while you just laid under your blanket

you appreciated it though

except for aizawa, sato and tsuyu nobody came over and even they just came in every few hours

kami stayed for hours on end and even tried to convince aizawa to let him sleep over so he could “watch over you” incase you “stopped breathing”

it's not like you slept much when he was around anyway, nights were not ideal for a good rest on a sick day

it was endearing seeing him lay on a futon on the floor and poking you when he had to get up for class

he leaves notes and stuff to make sure you didn't get worried

did he do anything to make you feel better physically? not rlly

did he lift your spirits and make you feel less lonely? most definitely

kirishima:

hear me out

this boy is an angel when it comes to caring for people

when he got into the whole essentially self care stuff he also knows what's best for others

he was probably one of the first to notice you being ~off your game~

whether in class or just yknow vibing, he'd tap your shoulder and softly “you okay man?”

he calls everyone dude and man and bro no matter gender or anything he's just that into the manliness stuff

and yes he puts you in essentially self isolation more for yourself than for others

“your body needs to rest y/n! can't properly get better if everyone keeps bothering you!”

he calls you every night tho and he has aizawa bring you stuff when he checks up on you (he's allowed because he's the teacher ofc also as long you're a UA student like one of your legal guardians which is like a dad and dads can see their kids sick right?)

stuff ranges from just bowls of soup to compresses to the handmade ointment against a sore throat to like socks he knitted or something his parents sent in bc he told them you were sick

yes this boy tells his parents you're sick

i mean someone probably told yours but like twice the parents means twice the comfort!

alternatively if your parents are *cough* he'd tell his parents and put you on the phone with them because everyone needs some parental love from time to time (don't act tough about it, he's gonna make you cry and tell you how manly you are for doing so)

when you're back on your feet he probably still treats you like you're about to fall over for like two or three days more

he praises you for how well you did during your essential quarantine and when you say you didn't do anything he says some cheesy stuff about manliness

“bro i'm so proud of you for getting through it!” “i didn't do anything kiri-” “don't say that! it takes so much energy and manliness to keep in self isolation and get better, you did amazing”

tokoyami:

i love birds

also look at baby toko he's so cute

do birds get sick?

anyways

tokoyami is like.. helpful but tries to be undercover about it

he's not gonna ignore you or anything

he's the type to like silently nudge teachers into your area so they could see you were clearly sick and send you back to the dorms to rest

but he'd never actually ask you or tell anyone

it would ruin his whole ~vibe~

dark shadow tells him to tell someone and he rlly does especially if he sees you struggling through it in class but he's also just not great at talking with people so a nudge or “secret note” will have to do

it does work, you're in your dorm right before combat training because mic had sent you up and excused you

mic is sweet he said he'd send aizawa up when he finds him but that you should rest

he also tells you that you have some really attentive friends

you're at this point just letting the sickness take over you so you have no idea what he just said (you heard him but the words just didn't register in your brain)

you get into bed and the first thing you do is sleep through afternoon classes

tokoyami is only at 50% today and so is dark shadow

tokoyami swears he isn't worried, the teachers are capable of taking care of you in an appropriate manner so that you will recover in no time

dark shadow on the other hand is all gittery and doesn't wanna focus on anything but you

off topic but i just think dark shadow is tokoyamis way of showing emotions or well like… like his internal thoughts? not like his internal dialogue but ya know his feelings

so he can act all goth and dramatic but dark shadow is a good way of still giving some of his feelings an output

back to you

so training is over and so is your nap

but you wake up to pillows, stuffed animals, blankets and more pillows surrounding you

half of them weren't yours either

they laid around you like some kind of pillow fortress jusy surrounding you and making sure you didn't hit your head on the wall or fall from the bed

it kinda felt like a nest- oh

you tried getting up, your head almost immediately flinging uoh back into bed but you needed to see if a certain someone would come back in to build the nest

“dark shadow, be quiet we don't want them to w- oh you're up”

tokoyami came in with more stuffies and an extra blanket like it was a siberian winter and your rooms only source of warmth was an almost dying candle

“are those yours?” you asked half asleep, your head absolutely booming

you could barely keep your eyes open, that's how exhausted you were but you made an effort to smile at the bird and his shadow

“uh no, yaomomo-san insisted on making some blankets for you and hagakure-san, ashido-san and uraraka-san gave me all their stuffed animals when they heard i was paying you a visit-” “but the blue star blanket and teardrop pillow are from fumi!! he brought them from home because he can't sleep without them!!” “DARK SHADOW!”

you only chuckled before breaking out in a cough again

aizawa came in some time after and had a hard time finding you under all the blankets and stuffies and even offered to tell the class to stop bothering you

but you just laid there all cozy and told him to let them be

“it's how he shows affection, it's nice”

monoma:

oh so the 1A student got sick??? huh??? I thought 1A was invincible hUUUUUUH??? *manic laughter*

coughs

anyways

so basically the two hero courses are more “in tune” after the joint training

they often have dinners together and it isn't rare to see kendo come over with monoma and tetsu^4

she came over to hang with the girls and tetsu had training sessions with kiri

nobody rlly knew why monoma tagged along though

all he did was spout about how average everything is for the “superior hero course”

he did secretly like the classes growing together more though

he'd sit on the couch with you and occasionally laugh about something else other than his team beating yours during joint training

one day he came in and didn't see you at your usual spot

“ehhhh??? where's the only tolerable person in this course??”

used to his lowkey insults deku pointed you out at the dinner table, head resting on your hand and looking over some homework

“y/n what are you- oh my god you look horrible”

“thanks monoma, you're as nice as ever”

your face was drained of any colour, eyes heavy lidded and you could barely control the pen that scribbled over the paper

he tried grabbing your wrist but pulled back immediately

you were way too hot and the fact that he noticed by grabbing your wrist meant that it was more than just a high fever

“is 1A that incompetent that they couldnt even notice their classmate falling sick??? can you guys do anything but trouble???”

“shut up monoma, we tried getting them to bed but they insisted on finishing up first and there's nothing in the world that can get y/n away from what they've put their head to”, kaminari yelled from the living room space

how were you gonna get anything finished if your head was falling off your shoulders if you didn't hold it up

class 1A really was incompetent

“sato-san, give me a hand”

sato, who was currently cooking up dinner, just held out his hand and some type of chocolate bar which monoma grabbed and ate up

“this is incredibly sweet, i don't know how you do it”

it's become like half a routine for monoma to copy quirks for whatever reason

kiri and tetsu used it to determine which quirk was handier

uraraka’s quirk made cleaning up after a game night easier

it was training for all of them

monoma could train his copy and the others could measure how much they've grown from his reaction to it

anyways

sato’s quirk kicked in and he lifted you up over his shoulder

“monoma!” you could barely lift your voice, faintly kicking

before you knew it he placed you on your bed in your dorm and sighed

“you're lighter than i thought”

“i think i'm gonna throw up”

so you hurled into your garbage can

monoma held back whatever there was to hold back

(he was very much disgusted but even he knew that this wasn't the time to let any type of negative emotion show)

“jolly gees y/n, what did you have for breakfast?!”

you laid in bed as he passed you a water bottle

“you need to drink something, you lost a lot of water”

“awe caring for me, monoma?”

“this is for general health, y/n. i would never as much as care for anyone, especially not a brat from 1A. who even knew that any of you could fall sick huh?! weren't you supposed to be superior to the rest of us??!”

he said all of that while putting a blanket on you and opening the window for fresh air

“god you 1A fools really are incompetent!”

he went into your bathroom and soaked a small towel in water

“i'm only doing this so you don't infect anyone. god you could cause an epidemic at UA and in the end 1b would fall victim to you as well! this is all just for the general well-being!”

you didn't even hear what he was saying anymore

with a half empty bottle next to your head, you slept peacefully

monoma let out a deep breath when he saw you

“i'd never care for anyone in 1A, i'm better than that…”

he whispered those words to himself

(he did care)

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elysianslove · 4 years ago

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hi! how have you been since the hell that ensued after halloween is?

also could you do a batboys college au? like their major and how the reader would meet them and all that jazz? 👉👈

-🐥

hi anon!! i’m not sure what ur talking about @ the halloween stuff hvsdhjs but! here are the batboys hc’s! i’m not very familiar with duke thomas’s character enough to write about him tbh, so he’s not included here :( but if you want me to add him let me know!! i hope you enjoy!!

dick grayson

out of all the batboys i really didn’t know how to choose a major for him

but

i think he’d do law tbh, specifically criminal law

his main motivation to become a police officer in bludhaven had been to be able to help people in any way he can

i forgot if it’s canon or not but he does realize how corrupt it is and he quits but that’s another thing we won’t get into that lmao

anyways yes let’s just stick with law

meeting you !

he shares one or two courses with you

one that’s really early in the morning

and one that’s later on in the afternoon

dick is like a magnetic okay

anywhere he goes people are just attracted to him

like literally he will breathe

but someone call the ambulance there’s a person that’s passed out bc of how beautiful he is

but this is an 8 am class 😃

so there’s no way ur awake enough to notice him

coincidentally he sits next to you one time

and this is the one time

you decide

yeah lemme just fkn sleep is uni even worth it

dick definitely notices right away but he doesn’t say anything

he thinks you look so cute passed out on your desk like this 🥺

when the professor signals the end of the class, he watches as people file out and then he just leans over and nudges you slightly

you nearly punch him bc he scared you ❤️

he just laughs and goes “class is over”

you just sigh like the guilt starts to hit you and your heart begins to sink

and he sees your disappointed face and just goes

“i took a lot notes. i can share them w you?”

lifesaver in every single way dick grayson 😻😻😻

you had another class that you had to run to and you were rushing

he was like “dw i’ll just give them to you whenever i see you next”

and you 🏃🏻‍♀️ outta there

imagine ur surprise when u enter class at 12 pm and he’s there in all his glory

after the lecture is over, he walks up to you as you’re packing and asks if you want to go to the coffee shop nearby

to take his notes of course

and you finally register just how handsome he is

so obviously you say yes wtf

and the rest is history 😼

he asks you out, properly, pretty early on tbh

so unfazed lmfao

now you take naps on his shoulder instead of the desk 💞💞💞

soooo into pda

kisses u when he first sees you

when you’re parting ways

when he feels like it

straight up cuddles w during lectures i’m not even joking

it’s disgusting how cute you two are

gets you coffee for all those 8 am classes u have w him hehe

study dates always turn into karaoke sessions somehow don’t even ask lmao

jason todd

english literature

this is a collective agreement right?

right

definitely english literature

i dont even think he wants to go to uni but he’s going to waste time plus this is bruce’s money 😏🤑

your major doesn’t necessarily have to be english literature as well

but you share one class

and my god

you two disagree on everything

like every little thing

at this point if he says something and you slightly agree internally you’ll still say some opposing shit

that’s kinda what draws you to him

at first you genuinely had nothing against him

but then this kind of rivalry developed for no specific reason

but it was fun

and he was hot

so seeing him get flustered or angry made him even hotter somehow

but then

but t h e n

you’re not sure if your professor like ships you or something

so you’re assigned a debate topic on one of the books you’d discussed in class/one of the books you’ve read outside, and within each group are the two sides for and against

not only were you in the same team as jason, but you were on the same side as him

so you had to work with him

the audacity of the professor omg

but jason needs this course

and

well you don’t but it’s too late to back out now

you two meet in the campus library after deciding on a book with the other two of your team

and

honestly???

you two work so well together

like insanely well

during the debate you destroyed the other team

spoiler alert

doing so well with jason kinda made you like hot and bothered

seeing him in his zone

sexy <3

what i mean to say is

you both end up making out in some storage room lmfao

or hate sex 😏

professor has a phd in matchmaking 🤔😻

i think you two don’t admit you like each other

bc you’re both stubborn as fuck

but eventually you’re literally on his lap on his couch and it just hits you

and you lean back and go

“wanna go out w me”

and he just shrugs and goes “sure” and pulls you in for more kissing hehe

he’s not v good at the boyfriend thing tbh

you have to chase him around and be like “sir!!! did u forget about me huh!!!”

he doesn’t mean to i promise

he gets all blushy and flustered once he realizes

only ever into pda if he’s insanely jealous

will straight up make out w u regardless of where u are or who ur with lmfao

he’s still getting used to the little intimacies and all

debates in class are so much more fun now cause he finds it so hot when u get all riled up hehe

that eng lit professor is so happy for you two omg

tim drake

okay i also couldn’t really decide for him

but maybe he’d study something like physics (or maybe computer engineering/computer science)

idk u have to have a death wish to wanna major in physics so tim’s major it is

i’m not sure how it works for every other uni but my uni requires 6 credits of sciences to graduate

so let’s say for the sake of this hc u take like just the first level of physics to get 3 credits

and

you’re struggling 😃👍🏼

so you like approach your professor with a few questions before the quiz

but tim is also there

and he kinda makes small talk while you two wait outside the office

and he asks why you’re here

you show him

and he’s like “oh i took this course w the same professor as well, i could help?”

it’s like an angel had descended from the heavens for you personally

you take his number and decide to meet up with him after a few hours

he’s of so much more help than your professor would’ve been, even if ur prof is a really nice and smart person

and he’s super like

patient with you?

also he pays for all the coffee and snacks you’re getting after you already get them

ur like bruh i didnt

dont pay pls

and he’s like no im loaded let me 😼

swooning <3

and guess what!!

you ace the quiz out of some miracle

first thing you do is text him and he congratulates you

and then

bc ur not blind and tim is so fucking cute

you’re like “can i take u out to thank u”

tim’s brain stops working but !

he does say yes eventually

he becomes your designated physics tutor + your amazing boyfriend

being with tim is so like

chill

it’s a very relaxed time

lots of study dates! and cafe dates! all hours of the day whether the sun is up or not

into pda but to a certain degree

like yes of course have a kiss pretty baby

but also it will only be a small peck

any time anyone passes by like common rooms you two will be there snuggling on the couch, one or both of you completely passed out

damian wayne

business major 100%

or a bsba econ major, which is basically the business side of economics

he has to take over his father’s company one day duh

also i genuinely think damian would excel in this field

he’s a very keeps to himself kinda guy in uni

like you only ever see him in your common classes and then he just

disappears

anyways there was this party that everyone was going to, and damian wasn’t planning to

but dick accidentally read some groupchat’s messages and was like are u going

damian went 🏃🏻‍♀️

but dick was like go and try to make friends !!!!

and dames cant say no to his big bro 🥺 so he goes

stays in a corner on the settings app the entire time

like half an hr in he just leaves and is walking home/back to his dorm when you come like rushing up to him

you’re zooming

and then you just latch onto his hand and lean up to press a kiss to his cheek, whispering in his ear “this person’s been following me for like 15 mins just please go along w this”

he kinda stiffens but when he does notice that there’s a person eyeing you he slips his arm around your waist and just carries on walking

he walks you to your home/dorm and is like

so awkward

but it’s okay ! ur a people’s person enough for the two of you

you thank him so much over and over

and then you’re like

“can i take you out on a real date?”

and then he becomes ur real boyfriend hehe

is still super stiff but it’s only bc he’s so hyper aware of how attractive you are

and i’m super positive he doesn’t have that much experience with dating so

you hold the reigns

but he’s a great boyfriend all in all tbh

super attentive, super protective, and so loving

isn’t into pda especially on college campus but he does like subtle pda

things like linking your pinkies or giving you his hoodie to just parade around campus hehe

end note; i’m sorry if these feel rushed or anything like. i used to be an avid writer for the batboys, but i just haven’t been feeling it lately. i still love to write from them bc i know these boys so well eeeeppp. anyways feel free to request some more!!

#dc comics x reader #dc comics headcanons #jason todd x reader #jason todd fluff #jason todd headcanon #dick grayson x reader #dick grayson headcanon #tim drake x reader #tim drake headcanon #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne headcanon #batboys x reader #batboys headcanons

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sickfic-with-kiko · 5 years ago

Note

If you write for Nishinoya, could you do one where he’s been feeling off all day but disregards it with some lame excuse and at the end of the day he goes to the Tanaka’s house to eat dinner (bc they’re all like family) and after eating he throws up, cut to Saeko and Ryu taking care of him

Today is Nishinoya’s ‘off’ day.

That much, he’s aware of. While it’s true that Nishinoya isn’t the most self-aware person to walk the earth, he’s able to tell when his body isn’t in his usual condition. Also, because it rarely happens, it’s easy to notice.

Most of his days are “on” days. He’s a lightbulb, bouncing off the walls without any caffeine needed. On the contrary, caffeine makes him sleepy, although everyone else is skeptical of it. He knows his own body best, he’s sure of it.

So when his stomach starts to cramp, he ignores it. When it gets harder to ignore, he makes up the worst excuse he can. His stomach is acting all weird, because he’s swallowed a fairy in his sleep, and it’s trying to get out.

But as the day progresses, the ache in his stomach grows worse. He wants nothing more than to curl up in the fetal position and take a nap. Usually when he feels sick or tired, a nap solves everything.

“Hey, Noya? Are you…”

Tanaka prods him, as he digs his face into his knees. Volleyball practice is over at last, and Nishinoya couldn’t be happier. His stomach hurts too much to continue, and he’d flubbed a couple of receives he knew he could have aced.

“Hey, Ryu?” He murmurs, lifting his head and wobbling to his feet. “Can I come over this evening?”

Nishinoya isn’t one to make plans, when it comes to Tanaka. He’ll show up to his house, spare key and all, and chill on the sofa alone if nobody is around. But that’s a pretty rare case, seeing as either Saeko or Tanaka’s mother are usually around.

“Sure.” Tanaka furrows his brows. It’s rare for Nishinoya to actually ask before he barges into his family home. “Your parents not home?”

“Probably not.”

That’s another reason why Nishinoya enjoys camping out at Tanaka’s. His own parents are almost never home, his mother an accountant and his father a professor of Japanese literature. They make it clear that he hasn’t inherited their brains.

“Okay, then. Let’s go.” Tanaka grabs his arm, and drags him out of the club room. They head out of the school, walking to Tanaka’s place. It isn’t far, and Nishinoya can keep up his energetic exterior for a few more minutes.

“We’re home!”

“Oi, Ryu! Help me with the dinner, brat- oh! Yuu!” Saeko’s tone changes when she spots Nishinoya, much to Ryu’s disappointment at the clear favoritism.

Tanaka heads up to the kitchen anyway, while Nishinoya heads upstairs into Tanaka’s room. He often keeps a set of clothes there, usually because of sleepovers and nights spent studying and marathoning Ghibli movies.

As he pulls the t-shirt over his head, a wave of dizziness washes over him. His feet sway, and he collapses into the bedsheets right beside him. For a split second, he feels nauseous.

Impossible, Nishinoya shakes his head. He can’t be nauseous. He’s just come home from practice, and he’s always hungry after exerting himself.

“Hey, Yuu! Come down for food!”

Saeko’s food is sublime, partly due to her often helping out with her parents’ eatery. Nishinoya knows that very well, but isn’t inclined to gobble up a helping of dinner anytime soon. His stomach his heavy and sore, as if he’s already eaten a three-course meal.

He heads downstairs, and bites his lip trying to smile. He sits down clumsily, picking up the spoon set down beside the bowl of rice and meat. The Tanaka siblings sit opposite each other, with Tanaka beside Nishinoya.

“Thanks for the meal!”

Nishinoya digs into the food, struggling to brush off the queasiness in his stomach. He should be feeling better after eating, but his stomach feels sick and bloated instead. It shouldn’t be happening. His stomach shouldn’t be this upset.

He demolishes the food, but the sick feeling doesn’t settle. His mouth begins to water, and the churning feeling in his stomach moves up, up, up. The “Oh shit” moment comes, forcing him to confront the fact that he’s going to throw up.

A groan escapes his lips, as he leans forward. He needs to get to the bathroom, and fast. It’s a race between his stomach and his libero legs, which seem to have trained for this sole moment.

Nishinoya praises whatever god there is up there, when he makes it to the bathroom on time. He doesn’t even have the time to drop to his knees, before his stomach heaves productively.

Bitterness rises to his throat, cheeks swelling productively with something that tastes revolting. Of course, Saeko’s food was a godsend, but nothing tastes good when he’s vomiting it out. The thought of food makes him retch. Vomit splatters into the bowl, creating a bigger splash than he intended. It gets onto his hair, and the rim of the bowl.

No matter how close Nishinoya is with Tanaka, he still feels awful for making a mess. But his stomach doesn’t give him any choice. He heaves up another stream of brown vomit, and the grains of rice are visible in it. He gags with disgust.

“Noya, what happened? You okay?” Tanaka is behind him, rubbing his back without any sign of disgust. “Oh my god, nee-chan’s cooking killed you!”

“Oh, shut up!” Saeko yells, but there’s concern written all over her face. “We’d all be sick, then. And you’re the one who deserves it the most.”

Nishinoya groans, spitting up a thinner stream of bile. “No, it’s not nee-san’s fault. I was feelin’ weird all day.”

“See?” Saeko shoots a glare at her brother, lifting Nishinoya up gently. “Let me take care of you. It’s not often you get sick, is it?”

“Hey! Noya’s my bro!” Tanaka crosses his arms, following them back to his room. He helps Saeko to set Nishinoya down on his bed, feeling his forehead for a sign of fever.

“It’s probably just a stomachache. I’ll be fine,” Nishinoya says, his voice louder than average even in sickness.

“Whatever. We’re still spoiling you.”

The whole incident ends with Nishinoya and Tanaka cuddling on the bed, while Saeko snaps a few photos and brings Nishinoya water and blankets. Thankfully, Tanaka’s bed is spared from any potential disaster, and yet again, Nishinoya spends the night at the Tanaka household.

#emeto #haikyuu sickfic #nishinoya yuu #tanaka ryuunosuke #tanaka saeko

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icharchivist · 4 years ago

Text

though now that i’m done with ff15 this is kinda fun to me to look back to my history with this game

from how i used to watch the first trailers to FF13 Versus on youtube in 2007/2008 when i was 12/13 being obsessed with Noctis, falling out of video games only to be obsessed back with FF right on time in 2015 when i was 20 (when the ff7 remake was first announced) enough to get to the page on every little drama that happened in the production of ff15 as it went from ff13 versus to ff15

to seeing people talk so much about the game i wanted to find a way to have it when it got released, that i ended up watching Brotherhood and Kingsglaive in preparation for that, and following every press announcement of ff15 so much so that i have so many magazines talking about it (and posters!!), as well as this period i remember we were theorizing (and even correctly predicting) the game together in the ff fandom as we were waiting , but well, never could actually play the game (couldn’t afford it/wasn’t allowed to use the TV anyway lol) and justified to myself that anyway i would have been too overwhelmed/too bad at games to play it.

to have it spoiled to me in the next few weeks and losing mostly interest because the ff fanbase was salty as hell and every little argument against ff15 got stuck into my brain for years thinking the game must have sucked and then having a “actually why do i care about fandom opinions” awakening a couple years later that brought my interest back but i was far gone by then, so i just had a passive love for the chocobros and knew most of the plot but never would have played it anyway

in the meantime i had started to get more into PC gaming but it was on my old pc that couldn’t stand newer generations of games

and a couple years ago i remember waking up from dreams involving the chocobros and i was vibrating and obsessed with ff15 for days i kept talking about it, i ended up downloading the demo on my old computer and struggling through it but i was having a blast with the bros i didn’t care it was barely playing, and i was rambling about it so much that some of my friends decided to buy the game for me on steam, which i’m still so soft about....

i tried to play it more then, but after Chapter 2, especially with the magitek engine spawning, my PC really couldn’t keep up anymore and i couldn’t keep up with the game. My PC ultimately broke anyway and i didn’t touch the game anymore for a while.

when i bought a gaming PC what was it, last year? i was too far removed from the game to play it again and i left it aside doing other stuff then.

and it took discussing about FF games with Peten who was mentioning how much bun loved ff15 for me to just. want to start playing it again.

and i ended up finishing it in what, two weeks?

idk it’s just. so wild to me because i’ve been thinking about Noctis and this game a lot since i’m 13, i still have this weird, perticular connection to the FF games due to this specific time of my life where i found so much comfort in just knowing about them. And then this call back to it in 2015 which was one of the most... specific years i’ve been through and the ff fandom was a place i felt very good, for a while at least. (ff and dgm have always been fandoms i’ve held very close to my heart if only for the timeperiod those were for me and what they brought me especially in my own understanding of myself - guess bc of the “i fell into it when i was 13, fell out of it, and came back when i was 20 realizing how much it had actually shaped who i am” way) And how i tried to play it when i still couldn’t really do it and was always a bit sad i couldn’t get through with it. And now finishing it in two weeks.

like. it’s a 13 years journey that i had since the first time i thought ‘i want to play this game” and having actually finished it. This is such a weird experience to me to look back on.

All those moments of genuine interests that just couldn’t align with the state of my life then, and i guess it does reflect too on how my life changed in those 13 years.

but it’s just, so weird to be able to get through and finish something i’ve wanted to try so many times in 13 years with always the feeling i could never actually do it.

(it doesn’t help too that because of various reasons i had a bad track record on not managing to finish games that i kinda always had a fatalistic approach over it (between life getting in the way and the fact i struggle to focus very hard when i’m not 100% passionated), but those past few years i’ve been getting through that a lot more too and that too is something that’s wild to reflect on)

and now it’s here, it’s done, it’s over. It’ll keep a place in my heart and i’ll come back to it so i don’t mean it in a way to say it’s over, but it’s weird to finally kinda put a close to this whole thing. This trip that started 13 years ago, only accessible in the last 6 years, and has been finally seen to its end.

It’s another layer of making me emotional over it DLKJFDLK

so yeah. tons of thoughts about it tonight and about my history with ff in general linking to it (this is the third time i write this post bc i ended up going off the rail too in depth too in details the other times DKLFJDf) . It’s so weird.

but there we are i guess. what a journey.

so yeah shout out to Peten for giving me the last push i needed but also to all the ff friends i had back in the days and that are still sticking around, whom i talked about the game with years ago now to see it all being over with now... I have a lot of thoughts and emotions about all of this all over again and my heart is full tonight. (and ofc shout out to the people who stuck around and indulged in my yelling, it’s just that.. man it’s SO WEIRD to get back to actually finish something that had had my interest for 13 years without being able to get through it and it’s even wilder to know there may be some people on there who knows and have seen this years back about me it’s just. so wild.)

what a trip. what a trip.

#'it's kinda fun' > *ends up crying halfway through writing this bc i made myself sad*#this is fine #ichablogging ffxvg

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feingeister · 5 years ago

Note

Rank these iconic Druck objects in the order of how emotional they make you: panini maker, David's red valve, Matteo's indiaca ball, Hanna's HONAS AND JANNA sign, Mia's follow your heart but take your brain with you note, Victoria covering brain with pussy, Amira's tent, sweet potatoes, FISCH HALLE sign, Kiki's glasses, Omar's notebook of raps for Mohammed. Be as detailed as you wish.

first of all, i’m adding a bonus item and putting it on top of the list, because it’s the best.

hans’ fish vase:

the unquestionable winner. i will not elaborate, but just the fact hans set up this whole thing IN MATTEO’S ROOM just to be a good guru... iconic and i love him.

omar’s notebook: this would have been number one if it wasn’t for my bonus item. rapping about your bro is just the no homo version of writing poems about him. i’m not one for crackships but omar and mohammed had something special.

david’s red valve: one unlikely thing that david and matteo have in common is that they pay special attention to the beautiful but small things around them. for matteo it’s mostly plants and cute guys and for david it’s weird shit like that valve. people always assumed the valve would be plot relevant and there was no other reason for david to pick it up, but i always thought it was an amazing little gesture to show us more about him and it didn’t need any further conclusion. david is just an artist and he likes to collect things. also: we have that one bts pic were matteo looks at the valve just in the same way he looks at plants and it makes me go 💞 💞 💞

what can i say. he’s a feingeist 🥰

matteo’s indiaca ball: same reasoning here. it’s a such a peculiar little character detail, just like his pen. matteo likes to keep busy with little games like that and it’s such a randomly human thing, i loved seeing that on screen.

HONAS AND JANNA: i have a good friend named janna and the sign is cute so here we go

amira’s tent: the emotion i feel for this one is mostly frustration and disappointment bc it symbolizes how unfinished amiras storyline was in her own season. we never got to see the glorious moment where she decided to keep the tent instead of selling it. also, i’m worried bc that tent looks really, really shitty. is it even spider proof?

victoria’s pussy quote: a very gay thing to do and it instantly made her very likeable. imagine renting a room only for a few months and putting that much energy into pouring your whole personality into that room. so far i don’t really have a connection to her, but i think i could really like her, she seems to be a whole lotta person.

mia’s quote: it’s very noora but it’s also very mia, so i like that they didn’t just copy the standard “everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about” quote. it’s interesting how noora’s quote is what she needs to learn to really live by, she needs to be more understanding of people and their struggles. for mia, her quote is her struggle and she never really gets rid of it. it suits how flawed she is and how complicated her relationship with alex was. after all, she never really found a way to follow her heart and take her brain with her, because sometimes they want to go in different directions.

panini maker: i cannot believe matteo posted a sandwich maker on instagram instead of texting david “hey, don’t worry, i’m still thinking about you and i like you so much, i just need time” like a normal person. i hate him.

kiki’s glasses: finally some well-deserved character with glasses representation. and they’re symbolic for kiki accepting herself and not valuing others opinions of her over everything else. kiki for president.

sweet potatoes: don’t get me wrong, the janna scene is VERY cute and its one of my favorites, but i hate sweet potatoes fkjhfjkh

FISCH HALLE: i legit don’t even remember this 😔

#ask #druck #why was this so much fun djkhdkkjsh

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thewheezingbubbledragon · 5 years ago

Text

It has occurred to me that Tumblr can be a void with friends so my problems arent unheard, but they are out I my head

Hey howdy poodle, it's me, snickerdoodle.

What's good my fellows.

Compadres.

Amigos.

Frendos.

Frens.

Howdy.

I am very glad you exist.

Thank you for existing and caring for me.

I love you so much.

Bless you.

Thank you.

I am coming down from a 12 hour panic attack/mental shutdown/depressive episode where I was nonverbal for 8.5 hours, and when I finally started calming down I had to speak with people and stand up and walk and make food for 2 hours. So all in all. Not great.

But better.

Anywho, so There Is A Reason for my inactivity.

I mean, there are several, but theyre all highly personal and meh.

So my fam and I spent the last.. 2 months? Or more? Moving 1800 miles across the country. We have 99% of all our stuff in one (1) storage unit that is still at our old town. (We took 1 suitcase and several bags of our stuff. That is it. For months or maybe even a year. Clothes and stuff included.) I had to leave my desktop BUT I have a laptop.

I mean it's literally held together by tape and can't be unplugged and overheats faster than Satan's flambe kitchen in high summer, but it works and I can write so it's mostly good I guess?

And I have my (bad and outofservice) phone, AND ALSO AN AMAZING TABLET SOME FRIENDS COLLABORATED AND BOUGHT FOR ME AND I CAN DRAW ON IT AND I ALREADY HAVE SO MANY PICTURES I CANNOT WAIT TO POST THEM RKSLDNNFJSLSMJFKSLSKDBJDJSKSNDJPAMAJEK

But.

We... Kinda have been living in a hotel for... What, 9? Days? Bc my parents cant find a place to move to in the city we're in, and the fact I am basically Tiny Tim with art skills and a good leg doesnt help...

Anyways.

Tumblr is a silly fun way to escape reality but I dont have the energy or mental capacity or time to respond to people if they tag me (unless it's 1 sentence or less but that is still pushing it) or write or anything or even post.

I havent been sleeping well, (lol thanks asthma, allergies, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and altitude y'all are doin amazing) and I had to leave my entire irl friendgroup back home. A lot of them dont have Instagram or ways for me to contact them aside from texting.

We moved to my previous home when I was very small, but it took me almost 12 years to finally feel like I was home. And that was because of the people I met and cherished and loved. I finally had a support network.

And then I got the news we were moving 1800 miles away.

I have left the life i've spent 12 years rebuilding. Heyhey, depression when did you get here? 16 years ago? Dandy.

Long story short, i've been through all the stages of grief already but I'm still on shakey ground. (The anger stage was the fastest? Bc I dont get angry? Except at people who are genuinely bad or disrespectful towards their audience for no reason other than petty revenge or ego. I'm talking about Thomas Austruc, in case it wasnt obvious. Friggin Miraculous...) I accepted what happened, and have accepted it since about 2 weeks after I heard. I accept and adjust to things quickly and easily. Doesnt mean I like it, but I can and do adjust my mindset and lifestyle to the winds of life.

Kinda sucks at times tbh.

Bc my brain shoves the whole messy business of 'processing' side to acknowledge and move on.

Anyways, that's not the point.

Point is, I am mentally royally screwed atm. I am not medicated for any I my issues, (ADD, major depression, multiple severe anxiety issues, to name just a few of the 'nom-physical' issues) which means life is about a billion times harder to exist in. So in short: my online status will be steady but my posts? Only time will tell.

I would like to apologize for everyone who follows me @un-romancible-npc for my Chance Maribat MariDami/Daminette AU, I am working on it, but I'm also aware of my own issues right now. And I can get about... 500 words a week at the most? Because we're so busy and I'm studying for my driver's test (several years late sadly but when you can barely afford food every month it isnt as much of a concern. Dont worry, we're better off now but it's still a struggle.) and organizin everything at home, and looking after my 2 younger siblings and my big bro, who is currently practically bed-ridden and puking his guts out. Basically... I am very sorry but I cant work on it. I CAN get a snippet out once I finish the freaking 'Mari meets everyone in the lobby' scene. I havr almost 3k words for that and some stuff that follows but the friggin LOBBY SCENE I SWEAR TO PASTA--

Anyways.

Yeah.

That's why I've been gone...

HEY HOWDY HEY NOW IT'S TIME TO TAG EVERYONE I LOVE VERY MUCH AND CANNOT COMMUNICATE WITH PROPERLY BC I'VE BEEN BUSY BUT I READ ALL YOUR POSTS AND LOVE YOU VERY MUCH THANK YOU FOR TAGGIN ME IN ALL THE STUFF I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE ALL GORGEOUS / HANDSOME / STUNNING AND I LOVE YOU

@rogueinkglitch

@im-here-for-the-content

@kceedraws

@da-tasuky

@lady-charinette

@hetalia-lover-is-here

IF I'VE FORGOTTEN YOUR BLOG NAME I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE KNOW I STILL LOVE YOU I JUST CANNOT REMEMBER NAMES

I WOULD FORGET MY OWN NAME IF PEOPLE DIDNT CALL ME BY IT ALL THE TIME

#personal?#personal #Thank you all so much for existing #and being patient with me.#bless you. for real.#chance au #chance update #life update #sorry guys #sorry for this #it's not my fault i know...#but it is still rough

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atalana · 6 years ago

Text

Alright, I’ve just spent 17 hours absorbing the epilogue, and in true Dirk Strider fashion, I have Thoughts.

I had plenty of responses I’ve been considering to this, about two hours ago I was honestly thinking of just dropping in with a fuckin one liner like “So Dirk Three wrote the epilogue” (Dirk Three kinda did write the epilogue, and I’ll explain that too), but we’re on the fucking essay train now and no one’s getting off it any time soon so it’s time to dive into this fucker and get it all off my chest.

Under the cut you will find essays on Dirk, cherubs, ultimate selves, both major Dirk fics (Detective Pony and Theatre of Coolty), a bunch of story bullshit, and my severe love for all Homestuck characters

(But very little criticism of the epilogue, I am no longer about that life)

So the prologue is important here. It’s the main bit of accurate information we have, not tainted by an unreliable narrator. (Well, it is, but less so). The prologue tells us that, with the characters outside of canon, they are becoming their ultimate selves, particularly the characters most susceptible to such knowledge, like seers, or heart players.

Now Homestuck wrestles a lot with the idea of the ultimate self. It is, as defined by the text, the true thing a person is, an amalgamation of every possible version of themselves. It is not a viable human being, because that’s not how human beings work. It basically amounts to Hussie’s character rules, like, there are some ways that these characters will be always, some things they’re prone to, things they like, decisions they’re likely to make, but who the person is within that is subject to extreme change depending on circumstance. The four people who embody this narrative most clearly are Vriska, Terezi, Davepeta, and Dirk.

I’m still not 100% sure on why the ultimate selves outside of canon thing is, but my best guess would be this - within the story, there’s a definite timeline, right? Like, these are the things that are written down, this is what you can see, the word of god (loaded phrase, thanks Dirk), the things that you look at when trying to apply death of the author (even more loaded phrase, thanks Hussie, also thanks Calliope). There’s more than one timeline, sure, but that’s the point, everyone is who they are within that timeline, affected by what happened to make them who they became. Outside of canon is, well, outside of the story. They’re not affected by the story here, they’re just characters. This is a fanfiction site. And what does fanfic do best? It takes the characters, takes who they are, pulls them out of the story, and shoves them in wherever it likes, to become whoever it is they become. And thus who the character is exactly becomes murky and confusing if you’re trying to jam them all into one thing, and it all gives Rose Lalonde a headache. Ultimate selves.

Davepeta liked their ultimate self, it helped two kids who were otherwise struggling with unsatisfying ultimate selves to become a better whole.

Vriska took the proactive approach, by which I mean bullying her other selves into letting her become the ultimate Vriska, which was ultimately useless and gave her no ultimate self at all

Terezi saw her ultimate self, and is still processing what that means for her (but also Terezi is still in canon, so she’s immune to epilogue bullshit)

And Dirk, god, poor Dirk. Dirk was terrified of it. Because he could see his ultimate self and he knew that’s not the kind of person he wanted to become. (And this is where I start using the Theatre of Coolty numbers because there’s no other way to get through this, if you haven’t read/seen it you 100% should, but as a general note, Dirk One is the main Dirk we know, Dirk Two is Brain Ghost Dirk, Dirk Three is “Trickster Dirk” but actually revealed later to be Hussie, Dirk Four is Hal)

Because here’s the thing. Dirk’s ultimate self is him, but it’s also Hal. It’s also BGD. It’s also Bro. And Dirk One was never as bad as he thought he was, but he surrounded himself with copies of himself, so he knew how bad he could be, and tried everything he could to avoid it. We have actual canon confirmation on multiple occasions that Dirk would so much rather kill himself than become the kind of person capable of hurting his friends. Which only got worse after he met Dave and realised Bro existed, like, that just doubled his resolve to Never Be That Person.

(Hey, fun hypothetical, if you kill yourself to stop yourself becoming a bad person because you know it’s inevitable but you’re too good a person to want to go through with it, is it heroic or just? Because I would like to have a lengthy discussion with the god tier clock!)

God, there’s so much I can write on the subject of Dirk’s ultimate self. Because you can see every version of him inside there, there’s Bro in his possessiveness, Hal in his need to fuck with people for no real reason, BGD in his hyper critical nature (beyond what is normal for all Dirks), Dirk One in his desire to never let anyone hurt him again. (God, the “I’ll never let you break my heart again” line hurt so much, because like… I can feel Dirk One in that line, but it’s delivered by ultimate Dirk, and ultimate Dirk isn’t the kind of person who would have even been heartbroken by Jake’s actions. Dirk One poured his soul into that relationship and Jake responded by ignoring him, and like, this isn’t a dig on Jake, because that did make Dirk very intense and hard to deal with, but as Calliope so beautifully put, the children left alone are those who most despair at being ignored. And every version of Dirk was so very alone.)

When sending initial thoughts to my friend, I wrote “Ultidirk is Dirk One but without the compassion or empathy and with an apparently infinite supply of horse tranquilizers”. Which was mostly a joke, but does get down to the core of the problem. Dirk One and Ultidirk aren’t really that different, when it comes down to it. But there’s one crucial element that makes all the difference. Dirk One’s life philosophy is “This is a me problem, so I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you don’t have to deal with that problem, at any cost”. Ultidirk’s life philosophy is “This is a me problem, so I’m going to make it everyone else’s problem. And it turns out that without basic human empathy and morality holding him back, Ultidirk will just… fucking declare himself God, and use that alongside his powers of manipulation to just write a new story in which he is the villain. Very little changes in the scale of things.

(The other main difference is that Dirk One is scared to exist, whereas every other Dirk is scared to not exist, that’s the stuff, good callback, etc etc, that line fucking killed me, and also killed whatever remnant of Dirk One was still lurking inside Ultidirk and god I want to hug him)

(I also want to extract him from Ultidirk and bring him on an Ultidirk murdering quest bc he would be 100% down for that without a second’s hesitation but that’s a bit hard to do)

Now you may be wondering why I brought up Theatre of Coolty if I was only gonna refer to Dirk One as Dirk One and not touch on any of the others. Well, it’s true, saying Dirk Two and Dirk Four when I have simple three letter names for both of them is a bit ridiculous. But then we get to Dirk Three.

Now here’s the thing about Theatre of Coolty. Dirk One appears in Homestuck, as alpha Dirk, in Dirk’s usual shirt with the orange hat. Dirk Two appears in Homestuck, as brain ghost Dirk in god tier pyjamas. Dirk Four appears in Homestuck as Hal, and he wears a red hat because he’s Dirk in a different colour scheme, also because the sprite Hussie eventually made for him based on fanon had a red hat, all’s sorted there.

But Dirk Three? Trickster Dirk? Never appeared in Homestuck. They tried, but it was still Dirk One. Dirk is immune to cherubic influence (remember this point too, it’s important), because his concept of self is so present (and also because he’s depressed as fuck, but that doesn’t necessarily exclude you, it’s just the presence of both at once). And who does Dirk Three turn out to be? Well, they said it from the start, Theatre of Coolty is about the presence or absence of god, who definitely will show up at some point. Dirk Three is Hussie in a Dirk costume, Dirk Three is God, Dirk Three is The Author.

Dirk Three is Ultidirk. Congrats, all four Dirks have officially shown up in Homestuck, to whatever extent this counts as Homestuck, an extent which has been thoroughly documented by its own existence bc this is Homestuck (kinda) and you gotta lean into the bullshit or you’ll drown in it.

So yes, this was penned by Dirk Three. Who is also Lord English in two different metaphorical ways now (The trickster element, and also the fact that the epilogues insist on making Jane a second Condesce, which in this analogy puts Dave as himself and Dirk as, you guessed it, Cherub Master of All. Which is additionally insulting as fuck because Dirk grew up in that apocalypse and would never contribute to recreating it, if Jane ever was inclined to, which she isn’t, but you know).

And LE’s major force of opposition? Adult Calliope. (Also, like, Vriska, but symbolically it’s the other cherub.)

Which brings me to the main point of this essay, and that is that all of this? It’s a cherub fic. And we knew this, from the moment we were offered that choice. Meat or Candy? Well, neither of them are sustainable food sources for humans, not with the meat uncooked like that. They’re not satisfying endings for us either. But it’s all cherubs eat. (Well, that and special stardust, but that was Caliborn’s intermission. This is Calliope’s offering.)

Which again feeds back into the AO3 metaphor because from their introduction, Caliborn and Calliope have been fandom inserts, representing all of us, for better or worse. They read the story, come up with the theories, they write the fanfic.

And Calliope’s trying so hard. But she’s not human. She doesn’t get it, not on a way that connects with the characters, only with the text. Cherubs spend their lifetime alone. Cherubs only have black romance. Cherubs think trickster mode is an acceptable way to solve problems.

And, as Dirk pointed out back when he was still himself, everyone getting married and having a bunch of babies for no reason doesn’t solve shit.

Without a solid timeline, everyone became susceptible to becoming their ultimate selves. Ultidirk is a dick with the powers of actual capital g God, and none of the remorse of Dirk One, so he took control of the narrative. And so Calliope, the fanfic author, the one with the power to write a new story (with the exception of Dirk, as previously mentioned, he’s immune to cherub bullshit, and John and Terezi, who are still in canon), tried to help everyone realise their full potential.

But she made them selfish. She made them solitary. She doesn’t understand how humans work, so they became parodies of themselves. In meat, there’s a plot, but it’s insubstantial, because no one is truly themselves, facing a Dirk who lost himself years ago. In candy, it’s fluff with, again, no substance. It’s trickster mode calmed down. Everyone gets married and has babies, but it makes no sense, and everyone’s miserable.

And John Dirk and Terezi are the only ones who see it, because they’re the ones who haven’t been given to Calliope. But what’s the point, when they’ve lost their power over the story? What’s the point of gaining power if you’re not yourself anymore? (And one way or another, they all die in the end.)

The rest of them… Well, they do the things the narrative implied they would do, but usually in the worst possible way.

(Aradia and Sollux have been canon neutral since 2011 and they like it that way)

And now we go back to Detective Pony, like everyone and their mother have analysed already. Because yeah, these two things have so much in common, but also, some really crucial differences.

Both are stories in which Dirk takes control of the narrative, in which he is fought for control by another author figure, in which he considers his own role in the story, what he’s created, who’s got the authority (I still love that pun so much), and eventually forces the characters to come to the conclusion that he needs to be defeated, because at the end of the day Dirk is still hopelessly suicidal and like most problems the kids have, this is never addressed outside of ironic bullshit. (Not to him anyway, it’s kinda addressed in candy but I think if you’re talking about someone’s suicidal tendencies at their funeral it’s too fucking late).

But Detective Pony is ultimately a heavily veiled love letter to his friends. Detective Pony is Dirk exploring what he fears becoming, it’s him learning to let go, and eventually he relinquishes control of the book to the characters in it (as does Jeanne Betancourt).

Meat is Dirk’s notice of ownership over his friends. It’s him glorifying having become that thing he used to fear, it’s holding even tighter to everything he fears losing, and ultimately neither he nor Calliope trust the characters enough to pull back. They’re both obsessed with it, in both iterations, this battle between the two of them, even though it was never supposed to be about either of them.

But Detective Pony has an original story, with a timeline. It even has a second solid story for Dirk to come from, since Homestuck itself explicitly states when and why Dirk made it. When Detective Pony sits down to analyse which version of the text is better, it has that substance to fall back on. Jeanne Betancourt’s version is boring but kind. Dirk’s is interesting but cruel. And because the characters are all solid people, not their hazy ultimate selves, they have agency too, and can decide their own fate.

When Dirk analyses whose version is better in the epilogue, his whole reasoning is that neither is good. The characters rarely have any agency. Even the few moments, between Roxy’s void powers and Dave’s ability to stand up to Bro (which, by the way, so proud of him, how many people do you know who, in a situation where their childhood guardian and abuser literally became god and tried to thought influence them into doing something they kinda wanted to do already, would have the mental resilience to say “no, this isn’t me, stop that” and stand by that? Dave is the strongest goddamn character in this whole comic, holy shit), are only hints of who they were as real characters in the story. Dirk takes control, in one version, because he’s lost himself to Ultidirk, who’s overly concerned with how stories are supposed to be written, and tries to wrestle Homestuck into a shape he finds interesting. In the other, Dirk kills himself before he can hurt anyone. (And before anyone gets on my case about Dirk’s reasoning being he’s lost his purpose, his purpose was always protecting his friends.)

But Calliope’s not helping them either, just piling them full of romance and fluff and selfish parodies of themselves and thinking that’ll work out. Giving the villains “redemption” without ever actually letting them redeem themselves. Explaining all about their tragic backstories without doing anything with it. To bring back a very old quote, it’s like when Mario gets the star. He wins, but he’s denying himself many powerful moments of catharsis.

Just with less happiness, more death, and a bunch of weirdly political teen drama. And then when Calliope gets distracted by Ultidirk and gives up, everything unravels completely, but it also lets them live a life which does let some of the characters be happy, in a weird roundabout way. It’s dysfunctional as fuck, but these characters care so much for each other, not even being in a weird self melting fanon bubble could erase that completely. (And then things get buck fucking wild because this is still Homestuck we’re talking about)

(Though seriously, I could have done without the Jane is a fascist thing, she deserves better than that. Like what was the point of decrockertiering her if she was just gonna go right back to that? Also I love Dave but he barely has a leg to stand on in most of those political arguments anyway given how he completely destroyed LoHaC’s economy and once accused Karkat of communism for captchaloguing a chair. And while I’m complaining, Jake English is still not being allowed to consent to fucking anything.)

I’m not sure why this was written. I’m not sure why a lot of things in Homestuck were written, honestly. It’s certainly not a satisfying ending, but I don’t think it was supposed to be. It’s not disappointing either, and it’s definitely interesting, with all of Homestuck’s trademark humor.

When I first wrote this halfway through candy, I’d written the following as an ending:

“But if we’re going to triple kill the author, I think this is just ultimately validating everyone’s own interpretation of the ending. You can’t write everyone’s fanfic at once. You can’t be a cherub, or a god, we don’t write fic about people’s ultimate selves. What you can do is provide a timeline for them to exist in, and a better one, where they have a chance to be the people they have the potential to be. And just to be happy, in a way that feels real.”

But honestly, now? I think the point was just to fuck with us, and also do a fuckton of exposition about canon and the nature of reality

So fuck it, let’s end on a relevant Dirk quote

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hoe-imaginess · 6 years ago

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replies

so many repliessss. About two month’s worth so check for your message here! They’re not really in order since I mixed them up on accident

@evagenesis I know you sent this like forever ago but just so you know it still makes me so happy to read thank you so muchhhhh

Why ):

INTERESTING I love this thank u

true

ajdhfkjshfdkjshdfkjh this would be Tobirama tho

I am!!! I’m just busy with life and writing a lot more commissions now bc I need the $$ to keep up with expenses, especially now that I’m not in school and have to help pay back some loans before I go back next semester. thank u ily <3

THIS is it chief

I’m so late but thank u!!! Happy Valentine’s @any59

No worries!!! Things are coming back into order so I’m definitely getting back to writing and updating

I will probably dream about this tonight then I will tell you how it fees

INTERESTING... So most of the votes were separate so that’s what I’ll be doing. I honestly did struggle a lot with the dabi x reader x hawks one because I had so many ideas but they didn’t all flow together. Hopefully the separate ones will do each boy justice~

I’m doing much better thx!!! Just trying to get my mental health on track before I make room for other stuff in my life

@gamewriter-12239 I’m not going anywhere!!! Thank you so much for the love <3

I MEANNN I’m not too into discussing ships but... all fax. I don’t see Madara ever wanting anything to do with Tobirama after Izuna’s death. Don’t think either of them could stand even being near each other, let alone touching each other and let alone x2 fucking each other. BUT I can understand the appeal of their personalities. In an AU where Izuna isn’t dead then... maybe. Less on Tobirama’s end, still

Honestly you’re right and for all equally different distressing reasons

this is.... so cute... wtf....

ofc this was what Kishimoto had in mind when he created Naruto, clearly

HMMMMM sounds a little wild but I’m in

Gai has the unfathomable dick energy we been knew!!!

ngl I can’t get past the face-titty like... it barely even looks like Hashirama. It just looks like a meme face

When you enjoy dom/sub relationships in bed! I also tend to think of it as fighting for the dominant role, but that may just be me

I feel Madara would have had some problems still with the village itself, because Izuna still wasn’t there with him, but I agree, Tobirama really did cause a lot of shit lmao his death would have saved the Naruto series 3/4 of all its problems

Yeah it’s really not our fault we’re not culpable

YES I DO!!!! Knb was my introduction into anime imagines I spent hours looking at knb blogs omg kajshdfkjasdh the good ol days

Thank you all so so much for these messages I have such great followers thank you for always sending me nice things even when I’m being a dramatic inactive bitch I love y’all

I’ll write aged up for him!

Ahhhhh I can’t think of any right now my brain is fried sorrrrrry. Thank u though!

THE HEART KNOWS. Don’t underestimate Madara though he knows how to use it he really does

Yeah like I can never see dabi banging a hero knowingly (but even like an undercover hero didn’t feel right to me) as of now I’m trying to play around with the idea of an undercover cop??? Maybe not as bad as a hero in Dabi’s eyes. Maybe. But I like villain on villain more lmao less drama and more banging

Tbh he’s embarrassed by his long schlong but at the same time, he knows he’s the shit

He really really is he cannot be stopped

I honestly have a good portion of the gangster Au written out from yearsssss ago, but I’m getting back into the Gods AU. Wondering if I should write some out in my free time tbh

Hmmmm possibly! Also factoring in Izuna on Madara’s part, and I think most of Butsuma Senju’s intolerance was inherited by Tobirama

STRONG AND SILENT VIRGIN IS THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE IT

It was honestly the question of the century

It’s canon

MIKOTO!!!!

!!!!!!!! completely canon (although I thought Senju had more chakra maybe I’m wrong)

the evidence presents itself tbh!

I doubt you could even get a comb through that thing tbh so nah

@sufferthesea I’M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THIS THANK UUUUUU

I do not play Skyrim but.... I agree

@daemmerlicht-prinzessin SUPER LATE MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU TOO!

Ahhhhh I’ve been so caught up with other stuff I stopped working on it for the moment, hopefully in the next few weeks!

I missed it this year I’m so mad ):

other fics!

I do not, sorry ):

it’s sad times we’re living in but the Uchiha dick had to go. It had bigger dreams

i’m glad it was such a delicious drama <3

honestly.... they’re not wrong

OH MYYYYY Tobirama would die

UGH it’s ok we all feel the same way

WHAT DOES THIS MEANNN

Ugh don’t worry love Tobirama did fuck up in some arenas to get to this point but there will be an ending soon...

high key it’s always been a lil ugly

omg thank youuu. yeah the Uchiha have a frustrating tendency to be hot as FUCK so I’m sure Madara’s bros were

thank you so much my friend <3

LMAOOO it’s an illusion tbh this man is such a giant virgin dork

wow... this was so sad.... but so true

I would but I don’t have any good pictures of it surprisingly ):

Hmmmm I might, I’m not sure. There are so many requests it’s difficult to remember what I have

I don’t have too many currently so I’m available to write more if anyone is interested!

murked omggggg. Well I guess you’ll just have to find out (:

UM HE REALLY IS his dick has its own armor it’s so strong it can’t be defeated. He’s not worried about it at all

I’ll give it a listen!

Hashirama can be my sugar granddaddy ugh yes

Hmmmm likely not. I really don’t see Izuna as the type to put aside clan rivalries for friendship, at least not a deep one ):

Yeah I noticed that too ): if you’re looking for a specific one lmk, it may be on my wordpress!

Honestlyyyyy I don’t think much would have changed. Hashirama would have been heartbroken, but still an advocate for peace

it’s true I thank you for this

#in other news i missed tobirama's birthday i'm a horrible hoebirama #repies #did i spell replies wrong

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vmheadquarters · 7 years ago

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ASK THE FANDOM--RESPONSES

Here’s this week’s Ask the Fandom question:

I’m curious as to whether fans think that Logan is a well-read individual? He throws around large words like anthropomorphic and was enrolled in the newspaper class, which could hint at a love or enjoyment of the written word. I also find it interesting that many non-Navy Logan fics have him working in the journalism or literary industry. Is there a hint of this in canon?

And here’s what you had to say:

@leuberpwnage--Briefly: little hints are dropped about Logan's appreciation of literature (and film, and television, and music...) left and right. Along with the constant allusions ranging from Citizen Kane to Beach Boys to Prince, he references tons of literature (in his usual sly way). 1984 is not, in fact, the only book he has read.

If the asker was referring to his fanon penchant for writing, I point them to that one time when he actually tried and out-wrote all of the other kids' preppy essays. He may have used an uncredited quote or two from a cult movie, but that doesn't negate the pages and pages of quality writing that undoubtedly followed (for a high-schooler, in any case).

@cheshirecatstrut--Yes, I think there’s lots of evidence to suggest that, despite his skater-bro fight-club persona, Logan reads a lot and is good with language.

1) He’s very well-spoken–no ums or uhs, no incorrect grammar, uses lots of big words. Also he’s verbally witty and makes many literary/historical/pop culture allusions in conversations.

2) His inspirational voicemail messages are quotes from classic novelists.

3) He’s a good writer, as evinced by the fact that he won an essay contest. (The Easy Rider speech is about 2 paragraphs long and the essay was multiple pages–he wrote the bulk of it).

4) His test scores were high enough to get him into Hearst, an elite private college. Even if he aced math, he wouldn’t be accepted with a low verbal score, and he says at one point he’s bad at math. So we should assume he aced verbal and did moderately well on math.

5) He seems to take mostly liberal arts classes in college (mass comm, sociology, classes that require essay tests) and these subjects require a ton of reading, good comprehension skills, and the ability to write well.

6) When he and Veronica argue, he almost always shuts her down, although she’s extremely intelligent and expresses herself well. No other character on the show is capable of out-arguing Veronica, not even Keith.

@millenderj--@cheshirecatstrut you said it perfectly!!

@absolutelyiris--That’s it! All points valid. The issues for Logan have always been discipline, drive and self-esteem, all of which he lacked. I personally never considered Logan to be dumb, just unwilling to push himself beyond what’s necessary. He knows a lot of obscure references, nice “SAT” words, seems to be Brain to Dick’s Pinky, and keeps up with Veronica consistently, there’s no reason to think he’s stupid, really. That’s why I always found Veronica basically calling him a meathead in Wichita Linebacker to be such a low blow- and judging by his response, he thought it to be hurtful as well. Dude isn’t dumb.

@iamjmgardner--I think some of the confusion stems from the problematic characterization of Logan in S3. S1 and S2 Logan, for all intents and purposes, is a pretty decent student. I mean, he keeps attending school, even winning an essay contest well after he’s the only one responsible for himself and his dad is arrested. Not to mention the fact that he still takes the SATs/ACTs and standardized tests in preparation for … something … so we can assume that whether he planned to go to college or not, he at least covered his basis.

During the S1 and S2, we have Logan voicemail messages from several writers that all speak to him being a literati on some level.

S3, for whatever reason, decided to play up the “Logan is a total meathead slacker who only fights, goes to weight-lifting, and barely passes his classes.” Frankly, this is a bullshit and not really in-line with the character we saw during S1 and S2. Now, if you want to tell me that Logan starts doing poorly in college because he’s struggling with grief, depression, guilt, and all the rest of it from the traumatic ending of S2…then, yes, I could see that, but Logan doing poorly in S3 because he’s “not smart” or witty or clever, I don’t believe.

Now, is Logan a reader or well-read?

Let’s take a look:

In the main rooms of Logan’s home, there are no books to speak of not even on the bookshelves.

And remember that one time Mr. Echolls reads a book?

In the few glimpses, we get of Logan’s room though, he has books on his shelves, and while I can’t make out any of the titles, they’re not just school books but ones that live there full-time

Reading is a form of escapism, a chance to experience another world, another person’s life, and to get away from your own for awhile. With everything we know about Logan’s life, I think it’s safe to say that he needed an ongoing outlet and way to escape from that, so, yes, I think he’s well-read.

@happilyshanghaied--Agree with all of this, except I don’t think Dick is ‘Pinky’ to Logan’s ‘Brain’. He’s not dumb either. I think Dick cultivates a shallow, idiot persona bc his Dad always preferred the popular dudebro son over the geeky math genius son. I find it hard to believe anybody closely related to Cass would be stupid. Also, he’s extremely witty and often holds his own bantering with Veronica. And like…he somehow got into Hearst?

RE: Logan

I always had the impression Logan was better read than Veronica and definitely more sophisticated and worldly. IMO Logan’s intelligence is what Veronica likes most about him (and vice versa). I always headcanoned little Logan reading Lynn’s scripts with her to help her practice her lines. Maybe if she was filming a literary adaptation, he read the original with her?There’s a reason people like to write Logan as a writer so often.

@shesgotalionsheart--Oh yay! This is actually my question!

I suspect that Logan is genuinely an avid reader; an activity that contributes heavily to his repertoire of snappy comebacks and skills as a writer. Although we mostly saw references to his hobbies which include surfing and video games, I feel like he would retreat to books in private moments when he isn’t entertaining the masses. My head canon is that Logan used books as a release from the real world, in which his dad abused him and his mom was an alcoholic. Because in books the hero of the story can be true to himself/herself and react in ways that are not always feasible in real life.

@adorkableauthor (via twitter)-- Yes. I think Logan was well read and did well in school, even if he came off as a slacker. I think he made references to things that he would only know of if he was an active reader.

@isa (via twitter)--Yes. Logan is well read and he enjoys reading but doesn't care to show it, Even though if you have a conversation with him and he cares enough he will show you how much he knows about the topic.

#ask the fandom #vmhq #veronica mars #atf logan #vm meta #meta logan #meta hobbies and skills #logan echolls

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credulouscanidae · 8 years ago

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i just wanna…complain a bit here but im hesitant to cuz when i talk about my head stuff and wellbeing theres always someone who stumbles into my ask box criticizing me but whatever

just had my first appointment with a psychologist about gender transition and im…..unhappy? i mean if this is the shit you have to go through to transition then bloody hell are the people who got through it are strong

firstly i was talked over and did more listening than explaining. she kept making assumptions and kinda acted like i SHOULD be saying yes to them.

she just….had a lot of generally shitty views. she kept basically saying “pronouns are too confining cuz im just me ^_^” and she even said similar about autism (cuz i had to talk about my family and that came up). shes like “what even is autism anyway ya know? it’s just a collection of traits ppl have. YOU could even be on the spectrum” and basically alluding to that whole “everyone is kinda autistic” BULLSHIT. made me super uncomfortable.

she asked me if i had any support networks and i explained i get a lot of support online. i was going on to say i get lots of rl support but she cuts me off and goes into this ramble about online not being validating enough cuz u NEED rl support. after her rant i kinda defensively said i have a good rl support network. didnt even get to explain WHO cuz she kept fucking interrupting me with her bullshit.

then i had to give a brief timeline of my life and of course that means talking about dad. she asked if i had any suicide attempts which i stupidly said yes. she keeps relating my experiences to “oh yeah lots of trans ppl have had this happen….father issues among transmen is very common” and im like…what are u getting at. ugh. i explained one of my suicide attempts that was inspired by my older brother’s attempt method. she said i was being a bit of a copycat cuz i saw bro do it and she trivialized it to “playing chicken with a train” and “would you even count that as a suicide attempt?”

also she kept going on about how the brain isn’t developed until 22 years old and then kinda used that as an excuse to start talking about how young trans people are …..god idk?? she basically said “in the 70s it was punk….these days it’s gender haha” kinda like a statement?? that pissed me off. got to the point where i felt like i had to add in exaggerated anecdotes about my childhood to even SEEM VALID. all what i said was true, just exaggerated.

i didn’t tell her about my bpd out of fear, but she mentioned bpd at one point basically saying “ppl like that have identity issues so we’re hesitant to let them medically transition”

then it got really fucking awkward when i was talking about my depression and how much better im managing it. i mention i have ambition and hope for the future, which is different to a few years back. she asks what things make me hopeful, i tell her my partner (we talked about him before this but i’ll explain this soon), my friends, the idea of gender transition, making a living, etc. then she’s like “if gender was taken out of that mix, would u still be hopeful?” and im like “uhhhh….i mean…life would be harder for me but i could get by…i just dont see myself in a future without transition…im tired of living like this” and then shes like “thats a bit of a red flag. are you saying you’d kill yourself if you didnt get to transition?” (we had just been talking about suicide) and im like….legit shocked. im like “no??” and then had to spend 5 minutes, nearly on the verge of tears, trying to explain that that’s not what i meant. she said that that’s the WRONG reason to want to transition and puts pressure and manipulation on her to approve it. i said thats not what i meant and that i find the “lemme transition or i kill myself” thing wrong.

so that made me feel extremely fake and manipulative and awful lmao

and earlier before this convo when she asked what my support networks were, i FINALLY got to explain i have a lot of rl friends and roommates and honestly the only prominent online support is from my partner since he’s from the uk. this turns into a running convo that appears throughout the session about internet safety. she questioned “but how is that even a relationships, like what do u do?” and then i shyly say that we talk on skype/video chat almost daily and then she goes on this spiel about “people on the internet can make themselves out to be like anything they want to be to appeal to you” and i got super defensive. i said i trust him and i know what im on about. she asks how long we’ve been dating (there goes my wanting to tell her it’s a qpr) and i exaggerated AGAIN saying weve been friends for 2 years and been together 6 months. lets not forget when i finally tell her about my mum and shes like “did u seek out your relationship with your partner after your mums death? did u get attached bc of that?” and then she said some other shit about autism that i dont even wanna talk about on here.

and oh goddddd what else.

OH YEAH i had to tell her about my abuse history and by extension mums and she basically asked “how do u know youre not being abused by this partner in the uk?” following her logic that im doomed to be abused just because mum was and i have been in the past.

and then as i left she kept stressing that i need to get approval by other doctors saying im emotionally stable and not at risk of suicide bc hormones can fuck u up. and yeah ok fair enough. i tell her im very in touch with my emotions and she says back “well if you’re reading them properly”

who fucking knows anymore.

lady, you’re trans so you know better than anyone else what dysphoria feels like. you talked 80% of the time for an HOUR. you DON’T KNOW who I AM. you do NOT know SHIT about me or my struggles or the fact that ive been ACTIVELY WORKING ON MY MENTAL ILLNESS FOR YEARS. (OH AND ACCORDING TO HER “MENTALLY ILL” IS A PROBLEMATIC TERM CUZ ???? WHY??)

and i cant even use my psychiatrist to write a letter saying im stable and ready for transiton cuz earlier to-fucking-day he told me i should hold off transition until my bpd is under control and that it’s not smart to pursue it. oh and also he put me on medication. :)

yeah uhhhhhhhh…..i think i know myself better better than anyone. im not coming into this expecting transition to be easy. dont even think i was oblivious to how emotional it can be. it’s fucking awful. i know this. ive had literally 3 different doctors tell me “OOOOOO YOURE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE TRANSITION ISNT A GOOD THING YOU PROBABLY JUST CONFUSED” and im like….yeah…..definitely confused after all these years. definitely. it’s not like i stayed trans even after all this shit or anything. gender psych wants me to “unwrap” my sexual trauma so she can….idfk….deem me really trans or some shit.

how the fuck do people deal with professionals. ive had small doses of this sorta shit my entire counseled life, always trivializing my symptoms to just being “stressed”. i wasnt believed about my symptoms besides depression+anxiety for YEARS…and now that im finally opening up about my bpd and gender stuff, im getting this intense dose of professional bullcrap and im already sick of it.

gender psych interrupted me and condescended me the entire time. shes so fucking ableist ESPECIALLY towards autistic people (and once again my allistic privilege played a part cuz i can only IMAGINE how differently that appointment wouldve gone) and seems very technophobic, or at least against the way things are these days with LDRs and young trans ppl.

whatever. lets hope next session wont be so fucking messy.

#life of doge #suicide -#dont come running to my inbox lecturing me either cuz im actually pissed #gender -

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