#bro YOU like the character/ship and others Do Not
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free will is drawing ur two favorite characters together and making them gay
#akekita content in this economy? it's more likely than you think#this is like for the three ppl that ship them (me tumblr user haliai and atlus)#also which boyliker at atlus designed yusuke's phantom outfit like WHY is he dressed like a gay hooker 💀💀💀💀#the skintight spandex bodysuit designed to show off the slutty waist?? the exposed cleavage?? the cunty little fox tail?? bro 😭#my hand was shaking while i was drawing the second img it felt so IMMODEST 😭😭😭😭😭#i wish atlus confirmed which highschool akechi went to bc i love the hc that he attends kosei#his tie matches hifumi's ribbon so i think they're trying to tell us smt (im delusional)#ANYWAY akechi and yusuke would match each other's freak lowkey like they're both hardcore yappers that weird everyone else tf out#akechi would find solidarity in the fact that yusuke doesn't shut up abt whatever he's interested in#also also the fact that akechi is a mirror version of him bc they're victims of the same situation#both being exploited and utilized as tools after their mothers death#by the man they called father in exchange for validation or a false sense of place#but ultimately yusuke was saved by phantom thieves while akechi refused any pity and slowly succumbed to fate of his own making#really makes you look at atlus and think whats going on in their buttery smooth brains for not including other character interactions#aside from the social links with joker. the wasted dynamic potential between some of the characters is insane 😭#persona 5#p5#yusuke kitagawa#kitagawa yusuke#goro akechi#akechi goro#akekita#bro me when i stay up until three am drawing persona instead of finishing my lab (i’m beyond cooked 💀💀)#i think i need to switch college majors i can’t keep doing this#lotus draws
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I mean… wlw content get overshadowed by mlm ships everyday so it is insensitive a little
Not to sound too mean but what do you expect me to do? I get that sapphic ships get overshadowed and underrated all the time in comparison to achillean ones. Believe me. I am a lesbian who is constantly pushing their sapphic ships everywhere.
But you can't expect people to suddenly stop posting about the achillean ships they enjoy just because they're more popular than YOUR favorite ships. Is it bothersome that achillean ships get more attention for the sole reason of being a male pairing while sapphic ships get ignored or not even suggested? Yeah!!!! It's frustrating.
But if you want some change in the amount of content you see then it's YOUR fight only and others should be allowed to post whatever they like. If you want to post only sapphic ships or you're bothered by them being talked in the same light as achillean ones, then it's YOUR choice to make.
Fandom is NOT activism!!! Fandom is meant to be enjoyed in whatever way you want. Fandom is to interpret media in your own way. So, honestly, if I want to make a simple post comparing two ships I like, why should I be trying to defend myself here for that? If people don't like it, then they can just block me, scroll, move on, etc.
To think a post about comparing fictional ships is insensitive is insane to me, tbh.
#bro i just made a post comparing a sapphic and an achillean ship please relax lmao#& don't act like this isn't specifically about shuggy hate bc i'm sure if it had been any other mlm ship i wouldn't have been getting hate#can i just PLEASE run my account however i like#also touch some grass these are fictional characters and making a wlw ship more popular won't do any changes in real life#and even if it did bc after all fandom IS a social enviornment and normalizing sapphic relationships is great always:#you can't just tell people they're being insensitive when it's just a simple post#i understand your point i really do#you think that comparing a sapphic ship to an achillean ship is bad bc it makes it focus on MEN only#and we already live in a men's world to have to deal with more men ig#but !!!!!!!!! something really fun about fandom is that it's FICTION and it does not affect reality in any way#and yes it is bothersome in a social level that male characters are more popular and we can study that and be bothered by it#but to claim it's insesitive or bad or harmful is just plainly stupid#once again fandom is not activism and i don't owe anyone to change my posts to highlight other ships more when my acc MINE#tldr i hate these discourses bc it makes ME be rude when i hate that#in fact i wouldn't be this mean rn if it wasn't bc i'm getting A LOT of asks abt this bc of a simple post lmao#you know i have a job to care about it's insane to me that you have enough free time to go to other people's acc to complain
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I think the main thing that pisses me off about like 90% of mephiles ships is that people will be like "how old is he??" Look that fanwiki says that he's ten and they RUN with it. Like they don't read further. I'm so convinced that most people don't even know the plot of 06 bc the shit I've seen people draw and write with the characters is just mind boggling.
#trash rambles#like yeah i understand thwt nearly all of the named sonic characters are either minors or unspecified#but like#even if he was actually ten#shipping him with other minor characters would be so weird 😭#plus i dont think it would even matter if he has actually a minor because that uncomfortable power dynamic would still be there with most#other characters#and like#god idk#the amount of dog shit mephiles ships i have to have blocked in my tags is extremely upsetting#LIKE. WDYM?#MARIA??????#STOP IT 😭#tikal makes more sense but that one still makes me uncomfortable#idk i dont even remember all the ones i blocked i just remember that find the maria posts was like#devistating#that and the one person who liked all my 06 posts and was a mephiles and elise shipper (theyre siblings to me so someone like that liking m#art of them is understanbly upsetting)#that being said how old do i think infinite is??? because he doesnt have an official age (that i could find)#personally i think hes anywhere from 19 (at the absolute youngest) to like. early 30s idk 💀#somewhere between thoes idk#the only version of him that has a 100% solid age in my head is for the ghost au and hes 22 in that (bc hes a junior in collage)#n e way#i just woke up so ignore if this is illegible#ugh idk i really try not to be gate-keepy about stuff i like because its annoying but like#i love 06 so much it kinda hurts tl see people just kinda not knowing even the basic plot or like. only going off the fandubs (which i#really enjoy but at a certain point you can only say mephiles is ur favorite and have people quote it at you or in the comments of your 06#posts so many times before you just like. idk. (also ive had people irl tell me 06 sucks after i told them directly it was my favorite sonic#game??? like??? bro you asked ME.))
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do you ship helena bertinelli with anyone? if yes, then which characters and why? what's your favorite helena ship? do you have any helena rarepairs? (i know you've talked about helena/steph and you're so right about it, it's a very interesting ship)
!!!! i have so many ships for my best girl ever yes oh my god thank you for asking.
my top pairing is probably Vic Sage/the Question. Vic is the basic answer, but man. i love them so much. no couple has matched each other's freak like that have. Justice League Unlimited is a great adaptation of Helena in general, but it also did a great adaptation of Helena and Vic's relationship. how he just dedicates himself to helping her with no expected return, but also wants to make sure she doesn't go too far in a hunt for vengeance that never ends for her. i think a lot of characters often want to change Helena or expect things out of her for their own needs, like the Batfam and the BoP. but Vic is one of the few people who just wants her to be better for her own good. when he tries to stop her from killing it's not because of his morals, it's because he doesn't want this crusade to consume her. and i just. man i think about them a lot. Helena rlly likes weird little men who give themselves wholly to her.
Zinda Blake/Lady Blackhawk is also a top ship for me. tbh i just like Zinda. but i do love how Helena and Zinda interact, being the more rough and tumble members of the BoP. they're both outsiders, in different ways. Helena is an outsider of the Batfam and Zinda is literally from a different time and an outsider to the current world. their friendship is so genuine and i think if Babs and Dinah can have. whatever homoerotic nonsense going on during BoP, then Zinda and Helena deserve some homoerotic nonsense too. as a treat.
if we're willing to count New-52 Helena, then i enjoy Helena/Dick/Tiger. i think Helena and Dick being a past relationship is really important in pre-Flashpoint for Helena's development, though i don't ship them as a serious couple beyond a fling. but in the New-52, i think this throuple be fun. Helena and Tiger respect each other as two very driven, no-nonsense agents and then well. they both clearly have some kind of thing for Dick. so it's fun finding the balance of how they could all work together romantically.
and ofc. it's a crime to mention Helena ships and not mention Renee Montoya/the Question. every time they interact it's really fucking gay. it's so gay that Kate Kane, Renee's own ex, assumed Helena and Renee were gay. i cannot be convinced against this ship. i genuinely think this ship should be canon. i mean. DC did tease us with this moment from an alternate universe and it's lived rent for me since. fucking criminal for us to only get one panel of what we could have if DC let Helena be a fruit in the main universe. being in love with Helena Bertinelli should be a right of passage for the Question mantle, i personally believe. if you asked me like. genuinely who i want to see Helena date in the current comics, Renee is my top pick. (i would say Vic but he's fucking dead and the New-52 butchered him so rip my mans-)
lois lane (2019) #10
besides those ships, just about every ship for Helena probably falls into the category of rarepair. like you said i've talked about my love for Helena/Steph before bc god. i think it should be a thing more people ship. once i finish the fic i'm writing about them i will convince others to like it.
i also think Helena/Cass could be fun. in a *lot* of ways Helena and Cass are narrative parallels to each other. Helena was a victim of her family being murdered at about the same age Cass was forced to be a murderer. Helena grows up to believe in lethal justice because of this, and Cass grows up to be staunchly against it. Cass' Batgirl suit was made *by* Helena. they both want to be protectors of the most vulnerable people. they balance each other out in a lot of ways and i think they should kiss about it.
also probably a rarepair, i think Helena/Lady Shiva is fun. their fight during Birds of Prey (2010) had... questionable moments for Helena's characterization, but i do love so much that Helena knocks Shiva off her feet and gains a deep respect from Shiva. like. Shiva gives her a nickname and shows her admiration. i would like to see fanfic where Shiva continues to be weirdly admirable of Helena and bothering her non-stop. they could be a fun fucked up toxic yuri moment. this is just. so gay to me.
birds of prey (2010) #6
my most rare Helena pair would probably be Helena Wayne, actually. but specifically Helena Wayne of JSA (2022). ever since, for some reason, it was made canon that the current Helena Wayne was named after Helena Bertinelli and took the name Huntress to honor her i *cannot* stop thinking about them meeting. because in-universe it makes *no* fucking sense for Bruce to name his kid after *Helena Bertinelli*, someone he's regularly at odds with and doesn't like. it's clearly an awkward explanation to try to make the whole two Huntress situation make sense. (it's almost as bad as Helena Wayne in the New-52 using Helena Bertinelli as an alias.) but because it's such an odd choice, i do think it could be fun for Helena Wayne, when she's back in time to see Bruce, to find Helena Bertinelli to get to know the woman she was named after and Helena Bertinelli just being. baffled by the idea of *Batman* naming his kid after her. it could be a fun fucked up moment.
my other super rarepair is Kara Zor-L/Power Girl. they had like. one meaningful interaction of JSA Classified and it's been PLAGUING me. something about when Power Girl doesn't remember her past and she's seeking a friend, she instinctively goes to find Huntress? but it's wrong bc this isn't *her* Huntress and neither of them understand why Power Girl would seek Helena out? god it's so good. i'm always a big fan of ships where one person in the ship is *so* obviously using the other person as a replacement for someone they lost and they both know it. it's such a doomed angsty thing where you could play with Helena actually really liking Kara, but knowing that she's just a replacement for Kara's Helena Wayne. good fucked up shit man.
and lastly: i really ship her with Dawn Granger/Dove. there's no canon basis for this, they didn't have a ton of interactions even when they were both on the BoP. but there's a very kind innocence to Dawn that contrasts Helena's violence really well. and i do love a ship with a corruption kink vibe to it. let Helena corrupt Dawn. i could write such fucked up porn about these two.
#necrotic answerings#helena bertinelli#idk the ship names for most of these ships so idk how to tag them#most of them are too rare to have ship names. tragic.#anyway i ship her with so many ppl#i do ship her with tim as well but i didn't mention him just bc i default to viewing them platonically.#also think babs is a valid ship for her. but in a hatefucking way.#i prefer their relationship when they can't stand each other it's more fun.#but yeah the realistic “i want to see this in canon” options are vic and renee#and then the rest are “i'm alone in this ship but i see potential” rarepairs#esp lady shiva. like i'm *really* tempted to write that fic.#i just need to read more comics with shiva.#actually the most fucked up option: cass/helena/shiva incestual threesome.#that has potential. but i don't think anyone shares my vision#also i've seen posts arguing for helena/jason#and while. longterm i disagree. i do think them sleeping together is on the table.#but largely ppl always bringing him up when talking about her sours me to that ship. so eh.#also i would ship helena/bruce in a fucked up way if that one batman: the brave & the bold episode didn't piss me off so bad#justice league unlimited is the *only* good adaptation of helena i'm so serious.#everything else eats ass with her. esp the arrowverse.#and the birds of prey movie.#but jlu does good by her and if you just watch that show you do have a solid grasp of her character#it adapts her story into a child-friendly medium in what i think is the best way it could've#anywhore thank you for this ask <3#you actually sent this when something rlly shitty happened so it was a nice little distraction from life to think about my answer#OH WAIT YOU KNOW WHO I FORGOT.#kate spencer. manhunter. I ship her with helena too.#lethal female vigilantes unite.#BRO those two deserve a teamup mini or something. they'd click so well.#dc hire me to write a huntress/manhunter mini series i promise i won't make them gay (my fingers are crossed)
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i hope it's okay to say this here because i saw the post you made about heavymedic shippers but as a woman who selfships with them as a polycule it honestly hurts me alot when people say that women are not allowed to ship themselves with medic or heavy because they're gay and wouldn't like them back. these characters make me happy. why am i not allowed to find comfort in them? because it goes against your made up headcanons? i don't understand why people have such a superiority complex over something as up to interpretation as fictional characters' sexualities.
it's the misogyny.
#i remember it being incredibly common in almost every fandom space#the situation is this:#[person likes a mlm ship; one of the characters are in a relationship with a woman; person hates woman character “for getting in the way”]#usually in fandoms where there's alot of teenagers that have tunnel vision over a ship they like (mha; hetalia at its peak; ect. ect.)#im surprised that it still happens to female characters like zhanna just because shes dating soldier and is “in the way” of boots n bombs#obviously i like boots n bombs and i genuinely have no problem with zhanna/soldier AND I SELFSHIP WITH DEMO & SOLLY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD#so i dont get the insistence that a character should forever be with one other character and no one else.#like this female character isnt in the way. do what you want bro#ultimate solution: polycule#(in my experience with shipping personally)#f/o blog#proships dni#[radio jargon]
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hades is a vile and disgusting in character (disney & mythology) and you’re no better than a proshipper for selfshipping with him </3 sorry not sorry but dont try to lump urself with us normal people when you ship yourself with a problematic character!
Nigga ur literally using anon you have no right to have an opinion 💗
“Don’t try and lump yourself in with us normal people” WHO TF DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!? 💀 IF HOU HAVE TO CLAIM YOU’RE NORMAL YOU ARE NOT NORMAL 💀 PLEASE GET OF TUMBLR GET OFF THE INTERNET AND GO GET A LIFE. ALSO HES LITERALLY A DISNEY CHARACTER GROW TF UP BITCH 😽💗
#he’s literally a Disney character what 💀#since when did shipping yourself with a Disney character become pro shipping 💀#Can nigga be forced to read a dictionary before they come in my inbox 💀#get off anon lil bro 🙏#if I find out this is who I think it is and you somehow managed to find my acc don’t make me tell ur dad 💀#literally what💀#if I find out you’ve did this shit wi to other ppl Istg lil bro🙏🐺#please do everyone and your momma a favor and go wash ur ass and get of tumbler this hate is meant for Twitter#this has to be rage bait do you really think I’m gonna listen to you 💀😭 ALSO WHY ARE YOU IN MY INBOX LIKE THIS IM SOME RANDOM 15 YEAR OLD#PROBABLY NOT IN YOUR STATE#AND UR SAYING THIS TO A 15 YEAR OLD THAT IS MORE THAN LIKELY ON THE SPECTRUM LEAV ME ALONE LET ME BE AUTISTIC IN PEACE 💗#self ship community come help me#LITERALLY WHAY IS THIS
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2024 reads / storygraph
Bang Bang Bodhisattva
mystery set in a near-future cyberpunk future
follows a trans hacker who does random gigs to get by, but is on the verge of losing her apartment
and an ex-cop PI who takes her along on jobs sometimes - and when they’re investigating his missing ex-best friend they find him murdered instead
along with her new crush mysteriously disappearing - she’s dragged in the middle of a mystery with few leads
trans polyamorous MC, ace MC
#Bang Bang Bodhisattva#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#This is interesting!#Some fun and interesting characters and I liked the platonic buddy comedy parent/child figures kind of vibe they had going on.#thank u lulu for mentioning this to me bc it was an ace character; which thought that was handled pretty well (if brief!).#Nice to see older ace characters.#I liked the near future cyberpunk dystopia - very easy to see how we could easily go from here to there#especially with the rise of fascism and tech bros currently..#I’ve seen review like wahh wahh outdated internet references but idk. have you seen gen z on the internet#people love to bring back that shit. I assumed it was meant to be ironically cringe?#While I do think the themes re: the antagonist’s identity (like theseus ship & cyborgs) are interesting; it feels a bit#uncomfortably close to some specific [identity related] tropes. And also felt a bit unmeshed with the rest of the story in general?#Like I feel like I would have enjoyed that as a narrative from that character’s POV but as a murder mystery murderer….idk.#It kinda starts conversations about cops and racism but doesn’t really go anywhere with all of them?#Other than I guess being clear how the systems are all terrible & a fair amount of police violence#anyway mixed feelings!
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Bro i just saw an iNSANE post about adler... like... WHHAT?
#like people can have all the fun they want with the character#but painting him as the villain because others are putting him in a ship-#that you dont like how the counter parnter was treated?#if its too hard for you to understand im talking about bell and adler#bell was a war criminal to *say the goddamn least*#yeah i dislike that ship too#but for other reasons#because i understand that adler would NOT do that because its unethical in his books#and he could care less about bell after his job was done#but to hate on adler becaue people put him with bell and he (quot) abused (unquote) bell#bro! they arent that close to call it abuse!#he just *USED* bell as a tool for war#which happens more often than you think when literally millions of peoples lives are on the goddamn line#i could care less if you hate adler but dont make up shit out of fake fairy dust just to justify your hate for him#i dislike the ship too but i dont care enough to lowkey call out some people#but this post really annoyed me#edit#call me an asshole but bell was a terrorist and a right hand man of another war criminal#you cant call someone a victim when they was literally about to launch nukes in europe if he wasnt shot and left for dead#and dragged by black ops team to be brain washed#i added more this shit because i reread the shit and the 'definition of evil' actually pissed me off#this isnt a vague post this is a full on rant#about that post#jay rant
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haha it's so awesome that Qi Xiaotian is like. canonically romance averse and implied to be nonpartnering. and everyone respects that. it's so awesome that nobody ignores that part of his character for a ship that kinda sucks. right.
#im not tagging this as anything fandom the last time i posted about xiaotian being aro coded i got a ship discourse blogger in my notes#and they were misinterpreting my post because DUH. thats what discourse bloggers do. they love being bad at reading.#'huhuhu romance being used in place of character development is ok when the characters influence each others development' i mean yeah.#thats not what i was saying. can you take this 3rd grade reading comprehension test rq for me please.#anyways if that blogger sees this#know that i based a shithead traumatized loser spidersona off of that interaction#they delete their discourse blog and it shows that theyve matured as a character#and they now have better priorities and theyre on the way to recovering from trauma#so. i hope that was blatant enough for you?#idk i can never tell whats too vague for discourse bloggers. you can never know how#uhm#theres no nice way to say this. you can never know how stupid a discourse blogger can be#there is always a new low! keep digging! (please dont. delete that damn blog and put that time and energy into like.#idk#fixing the roads in your city or something#or whatever problems are most prevalent in your area#anyways that individual was so fascinating. bro i am complaining about amatonormativity how do you not see that. ur apparently aroallo!
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Opinions on Dream? :^
SO many feelings about him omgg rant under cut please forgive me
okay so i don't really talk or draw him much cause honestly,,,most of the times i just think he's a bit....boring? or more accurately plain? not in a mean way either but just in a 'fades into the background' type of way like don't get me wrong!! he's a really nice friend to his peers, his feelings about his powers and aura making his relationships harder to navigate and trust along with his whole conflict with nightmare and morality about what's good and bad IS very cool!! and i love it whenever they write him to be complex and not on this black and white mentality or when he's just straight up following along his friends with no free will or with a dubious purpose without ever addressing his issues or feelings! it's just unsatisfying to me :')
or when they're making him the 'naive' and oblivious, (sometimes childish?) character being marked as the obstacle and villain along with the other star sanses from the fic's pov, always talking about doing good things while fighting his brother and not hearing him out about the balance, (and for weak reasons most of the time. like it's been so long and you STILL haven't sat down with him when he's, generally, basically begged you to just have a talk? guys please :'( ) or when they go for the victim sad dream always missing the old nightmare, where corrupted nightmare is the incarnation of evil, with no sympathy or emotion except anger and sadistic glee, killing and hurting everyone and dream's just trying to protect the multiverse and dream's always been in the right. such extremes!!!
LIKE!! i hope i'm not the only one that thinks a 500+ year old should have had enough time to idk. learn things? about people and manipulation and deceit? after knowing what the villagers did to night? about the bad things in the world and how there's a lot of grey areas in life and that he maybe reflected on his past enough to process and ask himself if there should to be a convo to settle his differences with nightmare (and you can make nightmare the stubborn one too! or have them BOTH be petty and imperfect and have some things wrong and some right at the same time like why do i always see the good guy vs bad guy cliché with these two when they're the perfect example of why positivity doesn't have meaning without the negativity!! as long as there's a satisfying evolution or growth that doesn't leave me empty i'm good yknow?)
plus i believe dream really isn't as dumb as people view him. i do get some of you saying he probably can't read or write since that's actually a pretty interesting idea to explore! but in general please let him have emotions other than pure sunshiny happiness or endless sadness like he's gotta have more depth than that! let him make mistakes, have flaws that don't just make him the bad guy that's always in the wrong by default, and be angry or suspicious or jealous or bitter or battling his mental health problems/depression or malicious or smart or witty or mischievous and silly or sarcastic or ANYTHING dude i just want him to be put into different scenarios where he can be serious or lighthearted like it doesn't even have to be long or perfect but make him feel real.
it could definitely be that i don't read or see much art about dream or really look for it hard enough but also i just. i feel bad for even saying this fr and i wanna be honest about why i don't enjoy most stories about him cause he always gets the worst treatment along with ink!!! especially ink omg the poor guy has it the worst i think like wow do they mess him up :'(
always one dimensional in non shippy fics, or too plain or easily replaceable by other, more entertaining people in the significant other's life in most of his ships like man. i have read fics out there that made me genuinely FEEL and root for him and love his character so much it restored all hope for me!!! but i can only name one on top of my head and the others? it's been so long i don't even remember their names i just legit feel terrible cause i love him still and i can't find many headcanons that fit my interpretation of him yknow?
not to say people who write him very happy, mislead or sad are ruining him like that's silly- if i see something i don't like i just. move on bro i wouldn't force people to feel or think the same way i do about him cause anyone can have whatever headcanons they want!!! just talking about what i personally look for in him and why i can't exactly find it since most of the stuff out there just isn't my cup of tea :')
hopefully i didn't set anyone off with this rambling opinionated essay i just pulled hhh xD i know i know he's a popular character and i know a lot of people like dream so *sobs* please please recommend me artists and fics about him that you think is good it's been so looong since i've read or seen anything new that makes me attached to this little guy aughg<33333
#ask#rambling#delete later?#probably xD i just wanna love him SO much but sometimes he's just *sigh*...forgettable#i tried to explain myself but also it's like 4 am and i skimmed through the proofreading so don't take this too seriously HHH#like really even when i do read good fics about him he's not on the forefront of my mind and it's painful to me :'(#i used to see him as my third fav but now? ever since i've read and seen characters who get heavier more in depth plots?#i can't say it with as much confidence :') and dream lovers out there i am not bashing your choice or even your headcanons#to each their own but i really wanna hear someone be passionate about him in my feed or askbox like TELL me about him#i've seen ink rants out there that are FIRE like so true!!! but where's the dream defense team???#maybe it's just me tho :') btw i still like cream but not the same way as before if i'm being real#it feels the same...all of it and it makes me wanna bite something ARGHGG#i know i know i ship some stuff that's basic too hhh but dream and cross are always written the same and dream is too innocent#and nightmare is too weird in some of these fics like if MY brother ever tried to literally attack my hypothetical partner????#i wouldn't give him the :'((( sad face and weakly tell him to 'please stop...you're hurting him'' like NO girl they're TWINS#they're the same age i would tell him to BACK off and not insert himself in my love life after years of ignoring and fighting LIKE#especially since most of the time cross is actually good to dream and all- so he doesn't have a good reason to disrupt his bro's dates#UGH i just have so many opinions but basically i would love him a lot lot more than i do now if they also let him be more flexible#and shake things up like with shattered and stuff! gimme alternate versions of him even if it's too ooc like we do for all the other sanses#jaa i am SO sorry you had to read all that dude thank you so much for passing by :'D
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Everyone tells me to just stay the same (but it's not like that)
Word count: 1640
Summary: Hinata finally decides to tell Rinne about his past at Yumenosaki. CW for Setsubun mentions, identity issues, and mentions of abuse
Read on AO3
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Hinata isn’t entirely sure what compels him to send a message to the leader of Crazy:B. Rinne Amagi had a habit of doting on him and treating him like another younger brother, which he knew Yuta wasn’t a big fan of. Yuta would often call Rinne a bad influence on Hinata, but Rinne was also one of the only people who treated him like a normal kid.
It was kind of addicting in a way. It wasn’t just Rinne who had treated him like that either. The rest of Crazy:B had taken him in as one of their juniors (despite the fact that Kohaku was younger than Hinata) and Alkaloid, or at least Hiiro, had taken a liking to him as well. He treasured those nights that he spent with Niki and Hiiro playing video games and snacking on homemade sweets late into the night.
Maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising that the first person he texted was Rinne on the anniversary of Setsubun. It had only been a year and yet it felt so much longer than that. He was grateful that the year since then had been filled with smiles and warmth, much more than years previous had been. The Amagi brothers were partially responsible for that change in his life.
Rinne responded quickly and asked if he’s alright since he doesn’t normally send cryptic messages like this in the middle of the day. He said he’ll be there in 15 minutes after debriefing with his unit.
Hinata didn’t bother replying to that, instead opting to just tell Rinne everything when he gets to the rooftop garden with him. He needed to figure out exactly what he wanted to tell Rinne anyway. It’s not in the older man’s nature to judge people based on things they can’t control, and he would understand a lot of Hinata’s own problems…probably. Rinne also wasn’t fond of showing weakness in front of other people.
Hinata sat at the edge of the garden, towards the back. Being so high up reminded him of that day, but this was almost cathartic in a way. He was in a better place now, with people who didn’t know about that incident at all and cared for him as his own person. As much as he knew Yuta didn’t like the nickname Rinne gave him, it was a comfort for Hinata.
Hina, such a simple nickname and yet it was a breath of fresh air, a new start, and here he was about to change everything. He just hoped that Rinne wouldn’t change how he talked with Hinata afterwards.
Hinata was dangling his feet over the edge, looking down at the bustling street below when Rinne finally sat beside him.
“What’s up, Hina? Somethin’ on your mind?” Rinne’s voice was gentle today, soft and even. Such a strange contrast to the Rinne most people knew.
“Mmm, you could say that,” he replied, not looking at the older man. “Rinne, have you ever felt like…people don’t see you for you?”
Rinne chuckled. “Every damn day Hina. Even back home…” he trailed off. Hinata knew not to push that topic.
The two of them were like peas in a pod in that sense.
Hinata laughed too. “Yeah, I knew you’d get it.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Rinne waiting patiently for Hinata to keep going and Hinata searching for the words to say. But just having someone else there helped keep him from spiraling too much.
“I just…feel like people wouldn’t miss me if I was gone, because they see me and Yuta-kun as the same person. It hurts a lot but I don’t know what to do about it because…I feel the same way. Like Yuta-kun and I are one person in two, but that’s not true anymore. I try to keep telling myself that we’re different but it’s hard to change how you think when it’s all you’ve ever known.
Yuta-kun has so many friends and is always laughing and smiling with them and I want to be like that too, but after ah…”
“After what, Hina?”
“After Setsubun fes, people started treating me like I would break at any moment. I’m not grandma’s fine china or anything that will break if you handle it too roughly! But everyone at Yumenosaki can’t seem to get past that video.”
Hinata still couldn’t look at Rinne, but he knew Rinne was confused. He hadn’t known about Setsubun at all. Of course he hadn’t, he didn’t go to school with them and was much too old to have been there at the same time as Hinata even if he had. It’s why he was drawn to him in the first place, along with his roommates, Niki and Hiiro.
“Ah, sorry. You don’t have any idea what I’m talking about, do you?”
“Not a clue.”
“Long story short, I had a mental breakdown on the roof of the school last year and…it was filmed and everyone at the school saw it. It’s not like I had much of a choice in the distribution either, so everyone was just watching me like I wasn’t a real person.”
Rinne moved a hand to Hinata’s back and began rubbing gentle circles between his shoulder blades. There were damp spots on Hinata’s cheeks. He rubbed his eyes with his hands balled up in fists. Why did his lowest moment have to be broadcast to everyone he knew? Why was it made to seem like a spectacle for people to watch and not do anything to help? Even after his monologue to his brother making it clear that he didn’t want to be treated like the same person anymore and not knowing how to distinguish himself without just moving into the background, nobody offered him help.
He was drowning in the unknown and it took the creation of ES and Crazy:B for him to find a lighthouse to guide him to somewhere safe. Even when Crazy:B was against the entire world, hated by everyone, Rinne and the other members never once hurt 2wink. After their collaboration at the nightclub Rinne had taken a liking to Hinata. He was there for him to lean on when he wasn’t sure about the direction of his unit or how to be a big brother or a good senior to the new first years or just how to navigate life.
At some point, Rinne had pulled Hinata into a side hug and just let him cry into his side. Hinata leaned into the touch and allowed himself to let it all out.
Rinne’s hugs were always warm.
It took several minutes of crying before Hinata ran out of tears. His sobs turned to sniffles and he pulled his legs to his chest.
“You didn’t deserve any of that, Hina.” Rinne’s voice was serious, but not cold. It was a warm honey-sweetened tea on a rainy day.
Another stretch of silence. Hinata’s head was spinning and numb and full of cotton.
“But…I know how it feels. When I was younger, I had to keep my emotions in check, especially in front of other people. Any sign of weakness was always punished by my father. ‘A good leader doesn’t cry’ he would tell me.
When my mom died, I was…eight or nine. I couldn’t cry at her funeral and when we returned home I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’ll spare you the details but he punished me severely. I never wanted Hiiro-kun to see me like that again and I made myself stop feeling. It felt like I was just there to be the next leader of the village, never allowed to be myself.
What I’m tryin’ to say here is that I get it. I know how it feels for people to try and put you in a box that doesn’t fit, and how they treat you when you finally break. It’s okay to be frustrated and angry that it happened, but you can’t let it consume you. Show the world that Hinata Aoi is his own person, that you aren’t just that video and that you’re here to stay.”
Hinata sniffled and leaned more into Rinne’s touch.
“Thanks, Rinne-senpai. It means a lot, heh. I guess we all have our own burdens to carry.”
“Yeah. Life is about learning to carry them and not let them drag you down. If it gets too heavy, I’ll be there to pick you back up and carry it for you.”
“You don’t have to go that far, Rinne-senpai. How will I learn to carry my burdens if you take them for yourself? Wouldn’t that just make it heavier on you?”
“I’ll take on everyone’s burdens if it means they get to smile just for one moment. I’ll fight fate itself if that’s what it takes.”
“I’m not sure why, but I believe that you would find a way to do that, even though most people would say it’s impossible.”
“Thanks for believing in me, Hina.”
Hinata laughed, Rinne lightened the mood just enough that he felt like everything was at peace for the moment. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes would be puffy and red when he returned to the dorm, but at least he’d be smiling.
Even if the world was against them, Hinata could count on Rinne at least being in their corner no matter what. Rinne was a lighthouse to people like Hinata, a steady light in the rocky ocean saying that someone is there, watching out for you.
Despite the front that he put up and how he had a bad habit of pushing people away, Rinne was always there when it mattered.
Hinata fell asleep curled up on the rooftop as Rinne hummed a gentle melody from his hometown. And everything was right with the world.
#shay writes#enstars#ensemble stars#hinata aoi#rinne amagi#aoi hinata#amagi rinne#dont tag as ship#i think about them too much. have you seen my meta post on main? have you?#this is based on that. ugh theyre so.#i read setsubun a month ago and then reread night club and i was like. oh this make so much sense#why hinata feels kinda distant from the other characters sometimes#the kid just wants to be normal but he really cant after setsubun huh.#and then you get these new guys who know nothing. and well. second chance.#also i felt like rinne was too direct but also i considered that like. 1) hinata doesnt need stupid riddles and games right now and 2)#rinne was very straight forward with hiiro in the main story so i think he can be up front about this stuff when he knows the situation#calls for it. so i think this is fine. its good. big bro rinne means so much to me do u understand#also he gives the warmest hugs. not necessarily the gentlest or anything but theyre very warm. to me#anywayyyyyyyyyy tag ramble over im waiting for an email from my loan provider#biting and maiming i need to pay my student loans please please please#okay im doneeeeeeee im done i'll cross post this to ao3 in a bit
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even online i cannot escape middle-aged adults trying to tell me their life story and hit on me,,,,,,,,, help,,,,,
#why was a 52 yr old texan trying to hit on me on THIS BLOG OF ALL PLACES....... BRO..........#and telling me about his divorce and everything 😭😭#also im sorry USamericans but uhm. some of yall are a little funny sometimes with the way you live in such a vacuum fdsjkl#(it is not ur fault and i understand that and i do not blame u for it. nor am i saying you are stupid or anything like that fdjkl)#(but also why tf do u not put your country in ur address for shipping.... literally every other country in the world does that JFDSJKL)#but anyways he asked me where i live and i said turtle island bc thats a safe vague answer and he... assumed it was michigan??#for some reason ????#but what could i expect from a 52 yr old texan trying to ... hit on a 22 year old. on tumblr. goddamn. sobbing on the ground.#WHY DO I ATTRACT THESE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE I GOOOO#i've heard so many woes and life stories of middle-aged adults and been hit on so many times and im so tired 😭😭😭#sometimes its interesting to hear about ppls lives but not when im like. busy with shit. like at school or at my workplace or on my blog😭#WHY WAS HE MESSAGING ME ON /THIS/ BLOG OF ALL PLACES. BRO. FJDSFJKL#this is my blog where i get silly over FICTIONAL CHARACTERS HDSGJKL CMONNNN MAN#vent //#ask to tag#dandy.cmd
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shipping solely on the basis of what is canon or what one wants to be canon is crazy. i actually feel like the large majority of my favorite pairings are things i would not want to actually be canonical if that makes sense
#.#like some are things that i don’t think canon would ever do well (yung law) others are things that just wouldn’t be fun in canon#and some just straight up dont make sense at all and kinda need to be relegated to the crack house in the back on one’s mind#‘shippers think x and y are in love how could they believe that’ ok i literally dont. i just think its fun bro#but also i view shipping primarily as a vehicle for character exploration to begin with i guess…#the point being why would you restrict yourself solely to canon or what you think should be canon#like its not a sports team LMFAOOO#anyway. brain melting.
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ngl the worst thing about the xenoblade fandom (which I think is the root cause of a lot of other issues) is that it’s mostly on twitter. I have to subject myself to twitter for any real consistent fan talk or content. legit there's always some new stupid topic of argument ive noticed in the past few weeks on there and its all very silly and frustrating and what im saying is everyone should move to Tumblr. please. for me.
#siren says#the other root problem in the fandom is that as of 2 there's just a lot of fans who are clearly there for sexy anime lady reasons. and that#in turn bleeds into certain peoples perception of those characters as mostly sex symbols and attracts a lot of...certain kinds of#individuals. specifically ones who dont really understand what fandoms basic principals are. the amount of times ive seen someone going "um#but thats not canon or some comment along those lines is so stupidly high. and I thought it was just homophobia and certainly part of it is#but I also saw it on a fucking glimmer/nikol art??? like. neither of them have any other love interests and its a perfectly cute if cliche#pairing and you STILL have people being contrarian? I think a lot of these gamer bro types just dont understand basic fandom guidelines ngl#and idk I also feel kind of alienated from other queer fans bc I kind of like some of the ships most of them hate and I felt like if I ever#tried to reach out it would just be awkward idk. at least the people I see on tw who I think are very cool writers or artists or whatever#xenoblade really should be bigger on here Tumblr goes on and on about the romanticization of cannibalism and weird divine imagery#and machines that are also alive and maybe even angels and im like. BOY HOWDY DO I HAVE A SERIES FOR YOU#including saga and gears btw ESPECIALLY them actually. tumblr would love A's gender fuckery I just know it but A is stuck to mostly being#known by twitter a cruel fate for an enby if I ever saw one. free A :(((((#actually I just need to get a bunch of Aros into xenoblade they'd understand me then :3 understand me and my nontraditional relationship hcs#xenoblade#putting this in the main tags o7 pray for me
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bro 💀💀💀
#why do people get mad when you hc a character that is often shipped with someone of the same gender to also like other genders??#what is the point of getting mad#what#also this is towards nobody here just smth i saw on twitter#bRO YOU CAN SHIP Z.HONGLI AND C.HILDE AND Z.HONGLI AND N.INGG.UANG#THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT#* (&&. ooc) as tiny and small as a rock .
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vaguing
#sth really lazy and almost insulting about 'you ship 2 guys bc you hate women'#esp when the woman in question straight up murders one of the 2 characters i enjoy writing lol#and esp also when im not allowed to write said woman as anything other than a perfectly matronly receptacle for male sadness#or else that is also somehow misogyny#am i allowed to like women enough to make them interesting characters rather than the mommy the gamer bros never got#am i allowed to puke up my own trauma and neuroses through male characters so as to not see them inflicted on a woman ie me#so that i can see those things at a safe distance so that they become cathartic rather than another depressing rumination#what if you just said you dont like something instead of trying to make everything a value judgment about a persons moral integrity#what if ppl write the things they do for their own personal reasons and not bc they hate some marginalized group#i dont even hate fia but im not going to write her as anything other than cunning and manipulative and driven#every character in this game is some flavor of fucked up#and almost none of them have pure intentions#thats uh kind of the point in some ways#meh
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