#bricks had been shat

[burnxngslash]

The spike in energy that he felt was..scar and familiar but once the man stood before him, his eyes widened at the sight of the fighter before him. A person that’s quite a different breed from the one’s they’ve fought through recent years, but he was also confused to why he was here. “Jiren right? Would you happen to be looking for my dad?”

liked for a starter / @fallesto​

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

Taking a leaf out of @bcdaily's book, enjoy this random excerpt from a fic I started years ago and will definitely never finish.

When Sirius lead the way back inside the house, which the collective household had spent the better part of a day decorating—a testament to how much they loved Remus, or how much James enjoyed drawing Adipose faces on square balloons—James followed, and split off near the living room, where he found most of the guests, and his mum, who beckoned frantically for him to come over.

"There's a girl waiting for you by the front door," she told him, pointing towards the door that opened into the hallway. "I think she's here to deliver something."

"Probably Beatrice with the cake."

"No, she said her name—wait, no, come here!" cried his mum, as he turned and made to walk away, her hand closing tight around his forearm. For reasons that were utterly beyond him, she began to brush invisible crumbs from his suit jacket—he'd gone full Tennant for the sake of the party, red Converse and all—with such force that he felt as if he was one wrong move away from a violent pummelling.

"What are you—" he began, then cried out in pain as she caught him hard in the chest. "That was a rib, woman!"

"Stop whinging, I'm just trying to help you."

"Help me with what?"

"You'll want to look presentable before you go out there."

"Why?"

"Just trust me, you silly boy," she said, and made as if to grab his tie, but James darted out of the way. "I'm just trying to fix it!"

"Ten always wore his tie tucked in!"

"It's leaning to the left!"

"Yeah, well, so am I."

"A tie should look smart, not—" his mother began, to which James turned and fled at a flat-out run, bursting into the hall with unnecessary speed and startling a girl who, until that point, appeared to have been examining a painting of the Santorini coastline that his parents had mounted on the wall.

Correction. A very beautiful girl examining a painting of the Santorini coastline.

She'd jumped when he came running into the hall, but seemed to recover fast, and bestowed upon him an extraordinarily pretty smile.

"That was some entrance," she said, sounding amused. "Are you training for a marathon?"

He was still wrong. The word 'very' was sufficient for most things, but it fell short in this instance, because this girl, this lovely, pink-cheeked, ivory-skinned miracle, with waves of dark red hair and incomparably stunning eyes, was clearly the most beautiful girl James had ever laid eyes on in his life.

The most beautiful girl in the world was standing in his parents' hallway, for some reason, while he, like an idiot, was fully dressed as the bleeding Doctor and couldn't pretend that he wasn't, because she'd very likely heard him yelling to his mother about the favoured position of Ten's tie, and he had a sonic screwdriver tucked behind his ear.

"Um," he said. Um. That was it. A sound. He'd made a sound. Well done.

Maybe he'd get really lucky, and she'd know nothing about Doctor Who, and he could pretend that the screwdriver was a really fancy pen. Woman liked fancy pens. A fancy pen meant a fancy man.

"Are you dressed as the Doctor?" she said, eyeing his costume curiously.

The fancy pen idea shat a brick and ran for the hills.

"Er, no," he lied, his brain twitching frantically. He wished there was a way to rid himself of the screwdriver in an inconspicuous manner. "This is just how I dress."

"Are you sure?"

"Totally sure."

"Oh," she said, and the tiniest crease appeared between her eyebrows. "It's just, there's a two-foot tall Dalek cake sitting outside in my van right now, and that's telling me a different story."

Were James as pale as her—and it was particularly fortunate at this moment that he wasn't—his face would have been redder than his trainers.

"You're from Lily and Bee," he said, burning with shame. "I mean, from the bakery."

The girl nodded, pointing to her own chest. "I'm Lily, if you hadn't guessed, since you've already met Beatrice—if you're James Potter, that is, which I hope you are. He's the one I'm looking for."

She was looking for him she was looking for him she was looking for him she was—of course she was looking for him, she was delivering the cake he'd bloody commissioned. "I'm him. I'm James."

"Not the Doctor?"

"Well, yeah," he admitted, and glanced down at his outfit. "But only on very special occasions."

She smiled politely, an image he wished he could record and play back when he remembered this conversation, so he could let his mind linger on the one thing he'd done right in all this ugly embarrassment. "I'm sorry if there's been any confusion—it's actually me who made the cake. I was on holiday for the week when you consulted with Beatrice and now she's on holiday and it's a whole thing, but it's all finished and ready, so no harm done."

"Ah, okay." He could do better than this. "Nice romantic week away, was it?"

Not like that.

"I was in the Lake District with my parents," she replied, regarding him with some curiosity. "So no, not particularly. Can't really sneak boys back to a Windermere-adjacent cottage with really thin walls, though I got to hear them going at it, which was horrifying." She pulled a face. "Anyway, I assume you're going to need this cake, yeah?"

[theconstantsidekick]

Captain America: Civil War ft. Static (10)

Pairings: Tony Stark x Stark!Reader (siblings), Steve Rogers x Stark!Reader

Genre: Angst with a sprinkle of happiness?

Summary: Goodbyes are a bitch, aren't they? Especially when you the future better than the people in question.

(These scenes incorporate y/n, codename—Static, into the pre-existing story as a character without making drastic changes to the plot or mythos. All the major plot points from the MCU remain in place with the addition of the reader as Static, who is not only a Stark but also enhanced. Whatever events from the canon aren’t mentioned, take place without much change.)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Past Trauma

a/n: i wrote this before the entire fucking series

Captain America: Civil War ft. Static (9) | Series Masterlist | Age of Ultron (Static Origin Story) | The Avengers (ft. Static) | Captain America: The Winter Soldier (ft. Static) | Static Verse Masterlist

“I have been thinking. I do that these days. I think a lot—all the time. You’ll be surprised to hear that it started long before whatever this shitshow was… I have been thinking a lot and I have to tell you, I hate thinking.” Tony’s sitting in his workshop at the compound as a hologram projection of his sister’s recorded message plays in front of him. He watches as she shakes her head with something akin to sorrow.

“It makes me heavy. It bogs me down with the weight of my thoughts—which inevitably turn into feelings. And you—you, Anthony Edward Stark, know better than any man who’s ever lived that my feelings are so. very. big. Humongous. Ginormous. Brobdingnagian.” Y/n laughs then, a broken small little thing, and shifts in her seat where she’s manspreading like she owns whatever place she recorded this message in.

“I think… I think about friendships. I think about you, and Nat, and Rhodey, and Howie, and Maria, and Peggy. Then I think about Thor off in space somewhere. I think about Bruce too and wish he’s miraculously found Thor and is on his way home, hopefully. I think about Sam, I think about Wanda and Vision and Happy and Pep and—it…it makes my heart heavy. Because sometimes I think about family and somehow all the same names pop right back into my head. It makes me feel warm.” She smiles, and his heart—his cheating, broken, angry heart—takes some solace in knowing that at least that was real.

“I remember when Maria handed you to me after she had spent hours screaming for you to just get the hell out of her in that hospital room. I wasn’t in there—in the room, I mean… I was too scared to go in—private moment and all that… Until your father came barging out, all sweaty and scared, like he was about to shit a brick. He walked past me at first but when he did, I got up on my feet and he turned and looked at me and his face went slack. I have never felt that kind of fear. But it was gone as quick as it came cause Howie was shouting at me, asking me where the fuck had I been this entire time while shoving me inside the delivery room. The moment I went in, your mother fucking screamed ‘thank fuck you’re here’! And that was that. If there was a doubt about it before, it was gone now. I was a Stark, through and through. Alien blood be damned. This was my little family.” Her eyes seem misty, Tony notes. She’s all dressed up in a spectacular all-white three-piece suit, with her blazer laid carefully on the back of her seat.

“I held your mother’s hand and watched as the most important person of my life came into existence. We were all crying by then, tears of joy. 

“After it was over, she wanted to get some rest. Howard had apparently shat that brick he was so desperately holding onto by his perky asshole and was therefore already deep in slumber… which by the way—typical Howard. So anyway, Maria wanted a well-deserved nap so she handed you off to me. And I will never forget what she said. ‘Look after him, will you?’ It might have been framed as a question, but a question it was not. It was an order, as clear as day, written in blood and tears and leftover placenta liquid.” It makes Tony wonder how many more stories he has yet to hear. He’s known this woman his entire life, quite fucking literally and yet, in moments like these, the moments that matter the most, she always has a new story for him. 

“I held you in my arms and I had a purpose. From that point on, I would have a purpose for the rest of my cunty god-forsakenly long life—watch out for you. To have your back, no matter what…” She exhales as her head falls, seemingly too heavy with thoughts for her to carry with any ease at all. “I had a duty of care.”

He watches as she brings her palms over her eyes, pressing them in to try to relieve whatever pain she can… None of it lifts, he knows. He’s speaking from experience.

With a deep breath in, she sits up once again. “I am not telling you all this to say that I would have chosen differently. I wouldn’t have. I never could have, I hope—I just hope one day you can understand why that was. I am, however, telling you all this in some twisted way to explain perhaps? All your life you have been used to the idea of me having your back no matter what happened, and this—this fucking cock boggling mess was the first fucking time I ever faltered. And for that… For that, I am deeply sorry, Anthony. My intention has never been to hurt you, ever. I said a lot of things. Really shitty stuff. I said those things in the heat of the moment—I couldn’t fucking stop it, Stark. I just couldn’t. Try as I might, they kept spilling. Th—there was a fucking hole in my chest, burning and itching and drilling deeper still. I couldn’t control it, it ached and hurt and burnt and I just… I couldn’t stop. Because it was fear. Because I was scared. I was—I still am. I am so fucking scared, Tony. I am always so goddamn scared, you know?” She’s a mumbling crying mess now, and Tony feels like absolute fucking shit. 

“The life I had before all this, before you—it was horrid, Tony. It was so bad. I woke up every day hoping it would finally be the day I’d meet the bullet with my name on it and it would be my last. And every fucking day it wasn’t. Which was worse… but it was also better because I didn’t want to die, you know? I didn’t want to die without knowing what it—what it fe—felt like to be happy.

“I kept living in that filth.” There is so much fucking disdain in her voice as she speaks, his own blood starts curdling. “I kept going, kept doing The Orphanage’s dirty work, then I did HYDRA’s dirty work, then I did S.H.I.E.L.D.’s. Because I was scared. And as badly as I wanted to die, I wanted to live way more. I wanted—” She’s out of breath and she looks so fucking distraught, he doesn’t even know how to fucking react. He has never seen her like this. Years and years of living with his sister, an entire life’s worth of memories, and never did he know she was hurting this badly… How the fuck did he not know?

“I just wanted to live. I wanted to escape… one day. And back then, when I was in the fucking thick of it, it never felt like I could. You have to understand, up to that point, I had lived my entire life in what was the equivalent of one fucking jail cell after another. Never in my wildest dreams did I even think of having a room with a window, let alone a view. Even when I thought of it all ending—when I thought of my freedom, I thought of the ways I could hide, of where I could get passports, of what supplies I would need while being on the run from whatever organization had control of me at that time. I just wanted to own myself—and that would have been freedom enough.” 

She composes herself.

“So, when you came to me with all your, honestly, very good intentions of getting us to sign the accords I was—” Her composer slacks, “I was back there again! I was back in a small tiny room, with an open fucking toilet and a bed that made you want to sleep on the floor. I was back to being controlled and tortured and experimented upon and I was back to being played with like a goddamn machine!” She’s almost pleading now, tears running down her face. 

“I would do anything for you, Tony. You have to know that.” There is a seriousness in her words that scare the shit out of him, cause she says, “I would do anything for you. You want the world? It’s yours. I will burn it to the ground if you asked me to, not even question it. You want it whole and pure? I will conquer it for you in a fortnight. But–but,” she breaks once again, “But I couldn’t—I cannot do this. I cannot go back.” She wipes away her tears.

“I have tasted freedom now. I didn’t know how sweet it was before. I didn’t know what it felt like to have a family, to have friends who love me. I didn’t know what it was like to have a room with a view… I didn’t know what it felt like to have a choice. I can’t give it up now, Tony. Please, you have to understand, I can’t. I can’t go back. Please.” She’s fucking begging him now, she’s so desperate that it rips him apart. Is this what went on in her head when he talked about it all? She seems so fragile and afraid… he did this to her? He wasn’t aiming for this. He was never aiming for this. He just wanted to make up for his sins but… at this cost? At her cost?

“You know why I got the cruelest fucking missions they had? The ones that would rot you from the inside out? Cause they knew my past. They’d see my record, and they’d send me off to missions that were soul-sucking, motherfucking shit that made me puke my guts out the moment I was in the clear. Because jobs that filthy belong to people of filth. I got the jobs that couldn’t be done by someone with a soul, done by a man who was whole. It didn’t matter if it was The Orphanage, HYDRA, or even S.H.I.E.L.D. I got the soulless job because they knew I never had one, to begin with…” 

Fuck him.

He’s the most selfish asshole out there.

She exhales then… a pause, a beat, and a moment of soft introspection. He can practically pinpoint the moment she decides to compose herself. It happens between the nervous bite of her lip and her jaw clicking in place. He knows her at least that well…

She sits up straight. “But that was then, and this is now. Now I have. Now I want. I won’t even let anyone touch my freedom, not even in death.” She clicks her tongue. “So it just makes me think, you know? I think about things like this. About you and your parents, and my friends—my family. I think about them. I think about these things when I wake up, when I fight, when I dream. All that is to say… I’m not callous about this life. I am not callous about the decision I made. It weighs on me heavier than you know. It wretches me apart, with every breath…”

He doesn’t want to hear the part that comes next.

“But—but I can’t stay, Tony. You know I can’t… and for that too, I am sorry.” 

He’s never really spent a day in his life when he couldn’t reach out to his sister. He’s a fairly old dude, so you have to pardon him if he’s quite scared of it. He doesn’t know how to do it. He just doesn’t.

“I didn’t know about Barnes. Fuck, I didn’t have the faintest clue. And I absolutely did not know about that traitorous bastard who I won’t even dignify by naming. I—” Her fist clenches as she brings it up to cover her mouth. Her anger is so fucking palpable that Tony thinks he might just be able to sense it, that is until the footage starts glitching and he realizes, it’s cause her anger is making her emanate power. He thought he could hear static because there is fucking static, it is coming from her. She’s trying to calm herself down.

She breathes in, the footage settling. “He doesn’t matter,” She says with cold unfocused eyes and he can see how deep that secret has dung into her. “This isn’t about him. This is… this is about me, pleading with you, urging you to—to” she pauses, long and hard, with a small smile on her face. It’s the same one she wears when she knows she’s about to do something profoundly fucking stupid. Consider Tony terri-fucking-fied. “This is me urging you to, at a much later date in life—try and forgive Sergeant Barnes.”

“Woman, have you gone fucking crazy?!?!! Did you hit your fucking head when you decided TO DROP A BUILDING ON US?!” Tony knows he’s screaming at a holographic projection but it’s not for naught.

Because his sister is waving away his screams with an annoyed face, “Don’t fucking freak the fuck out. Just like, listen to me! TONY!” His tirade stops. She—her recording, somehow just knows. Cause then she exhales. “I am not saying now, and I am certainly not saying you have to. I am just pleading with you to consider it… Because—well because there are countless people out there in the world who…” she bites her lip. “I am to them what Barnes is to you. Except, unlike me, Sergeant Barnes never even had the chance to rebel, he was brainwashed and tortured, and broken down to be used.” And before Tony can begin to protest, her hands fly up to stop him. “That was all I wanted to say about that. I am done, the decision is completely up to you. Just you, and there is absolutely no right answer, just the one you choose. This was just…” she smiles, “something for you to think about.” 

He can’t help the corner of his mouth from curling a little as well.

She kicks back then, hands crossed in front of her as she looks around wherever she is. “That, yeah. I think that was my grand speech. I know it feels like I’m leaving you behind somehow, but I promise you I am not. I’m just a… actively hunted fugitive of the state.” She shakes her head from side to side in consideration before adding, “And I have a few dues to pay… I’ll be back once they are cleared.” 

She looks up at him then. It almost feels like she’s in the room with him.

“But no matter what happens, I’m here, Tony. You know how to reach me. And I will always come when you call. I will always be there for you. Even if you don’t see me there, trust me. I am there. I will always have your back.”

Something catches her eye, she pulls out her phone and checks it.

Rolling her eyes, she pockets the device and looks back up at the camera.

“Ugh, yeah. I think our time here is up…” She finally smiles, happy and true. “You just pulled in, so I gotta run.”

WAIT, WHAT??

HE JUST PULLED IN? 

TO WHERE?!!

He runs back to his station, “F.R.I.D.A.Y. run diagnostics on the recording, analyze it top to bottom, tell me where it was taken.”

Meanwhile, he watches as his sister stands up. 

“I love you, kiddo. And I’m always right behind you.”

More commotion on the recording as F.R.I.D.A.Y. responds, “Sir, the footage was taken here, at the Avenger’s compound.”

“That cocky bitch,” Tony curses, almost in awe of her. Cause fuck! Even Rogers had the good sense to courier his fucking apology. What was this woman thinking? “Tell me when F.R.I.D.A.Y.!”

He watches as his sister puts on her blazer and fixes up her suit.

“17 minutes ago, sir,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. answers.

“WHAT?!”

“There was a gap in the security footage, it was cloned to play in a loop. It’s almost seamless sir, except this,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. presents the footage on the screen in front of him.

Meanwhile, the hologram of his sister walks up close to the camera and leans down to look at it face-to-face. She presses a kiss to her fingers and presses the fingers to the camera.

“See you, space cowboy.” With that, the holograph is gone.

Tony falls onto his chair in complete surprise and an unwitting smile on his face, as he watches his sister on the CCTV footage waving at him with a wink.

“That fucking—”

Find the series masterlist here. Find other Static Verse works here.

tag list: @aryksworld @freeflyingphoenix @arikarapli @just-anotherstan @justab-eautifulmess @ceo-of-daichi @roxannejblack @liketearsintherainn @paintballkid711 @starkleila @heyitsmereading @fairlygothparents @euphoria-svt @sidepartskinnyjeans @mini-kunoichi @third-broparcelicito @siwiecola @haleybutnotthecomet @mvaldez7821 @iamspeed16  @ashpeace888 @hopeofwinter @percabethfangirl987 @lilfuturescars @hailqueenconquer

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[mostlysignssomeportents]

Brinklump Linkdump

Catch me in Miami! I'll be at Books and Books in Coral Gables on Jan 22 at 8PM.

Life comes at you fast, links come at you faster. Once again, I've arrived at Saturday with a giant backlog of links I didn't fit in this week, so it's time for a linkdump, the 14th in the series:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

It's the Year of Our Gourd twenty and twenty-four and holy shit, is rampant corporate power rampant. On January 1, the inbred droolers of Big Pharma shat out their annual price increases, as cataloged in 46Brooklyn's latest Brand Drug List Price Change Box Score:

https://www.46brooklyn.com/branddrug-boxscore

Here's the deal: drugs that have already been developed, brought to market, and paid off are now getting more expensive. Why? Because the pharma companies have "pricing power," the most reliable indicator of monopoly. Ed Cara rounds up the highlights for Gizmodo:

https://gizmodo.com/ozempic-wegovy-wellbutrin-oxycontin-drug-price-increase-1851179427

What's going up? Well, Ozempic and other GLP-1 agonists. These drugs have made untold billions for their manufacturers, so naturally, they're raising the price. That's how markets work, right? When firms increase the volume of a product, the price goes up? Right? Other drugs that are going up include Wellbutrin (an antidepressant that's also widely used in smoking cessation) and the blood thinner Plavix. I mean, why the hell not? These companies get billions in research subsidies, invaluable government patent privileges, and near-total freedom to abuse the patent system with evergreening:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/23/everorangeing/#taste-the-rainbow

The most amazing things about monopolies is how the contempt just oozes out of them. It's like these guys can't even pretend to give a shit. You want guillotines? Because that's how you get guillotines.

Take Apple. They just got their asses handed to them in court by Epic, who successfully argued that Apple's rule requiring everyone who sells through the App Store to use Apple's payment processor and pay Apple 30% out of every dollar they bring in was an antitrust violation. Epic won, then won the appeal, then SCOTUS told Apple they wouldn't hear the case, so that's that.

Right? Wrong. Apple's pulled a malicious compliance stunt that could shame the surly drunks my great-aunt Lisa used to boss in the Soviet electrical engineering firm she ran. Apple has announced that app companies that process transactions using their own payment processors on the web must still pay Apple a 27% fee for every dollar their process:

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/apples-app-store-rule-changes-draw-sharp-rebuke-from-critics-150047160.html

In addition, Apple will throw a terrifying FUD-screen up every time a user clicks a payment link that goes to the web:

https://www.jwz.org/blog/2024/01/second-verse-same-as-the-first/

This is obviously not what the court had in mind, and there's no way this will survive the next court challenge. It's just Apple making sure that everyone knows it hates us all and wants us to die. Thanks, Tim Apple, and right back atcha.

Not to be outdone in the monopolistic mustache-twirling department, Ubisoft just announced that it is going to shut down its driving simulator game The Crew, which it sold to users with a "perpetual license":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIqyvquTEVU

This is some real Darth Vader MBA shit. "Yeah, we sold you a 'perpetual license' to this game, but we're terminating it. I have altered the deal. Pray I don't alter it further":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/26/hit-with-a-brick/#graceful-failure

Ubisoft sure are innovators. They've managed the seemingly impossible feat of hybridizing Darth Vader and Immortan Joe. Ubisoft's head of subscriptions, the guillotine-ready Philippe Tremblay, told GamesIndustry.biz that gamers need to get "comfortable" with "not owning their games":

https://www.gamesindustry.biz/the-new-ubisoft-and-getting-gamers-comfortable-with-not-owning-their-games

Or, as Immortan Joe put it: "Do not, my friends, become addicted to water. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence!"

Capitalism without constraint is enshittification's handmaiden, and the latest victim is Ello, the "indie" social media startup that literally promised – on the sacred honor of its founders – that it would never sell out its users. When Ello took VC and Andy Baio questioned how this could be squared with this promise, the founders mocked him and others for raising the question. Their response boiled down to "we are super-chill dudes and you can totally trust us."

They raised more capital, and used that to create a nice place for independent artists, who piled into the platform and provided millions of unpaid hours of creative labor to help the founders increase its value. The founders and their investors turned the company into a Public Benefit Corporation, which meant they had an obligation to serve the public benefit.

But then they took more investment money and simply (and silently) sold their assets to a for-profit. Struggling to raise capital, the founders opted to secretly sell the business to a sleazy branding company called Talenthouse. Its users didn't know about the change, though the site sure had a lot of Talenthouse design competitions all of a sudden.

Finally, the company announced the change as the last founders left. Rather than announcing that the new owners were untrustworthy scum, warning their users to get their data and get out, the founders posted oblique, ominous statements to Instagram. The company started stiffing the winners of those design competitions. Then, one day, poof, Ello disappeared, taking all its users' data with it. Poof:

https://waxy.org/2024/01/the-quiet-death-of-ellos-big-dreams/

I'm sure the founders' decisions each seemed reasonable at the moment. That's every terrible situation arises: you rationalize that a single compromise isn't that big of a deal, and then you do the same for the next compromise, and the next, and the next. Pretty soon, you're betraying everyone who believed in you.

One answer to this is "Ulysses pacts": making binding commitments to do right before you are tempted. Throw away all your Oreos when you go on a diet and you can't be tempted to eat a whole sleeve of them at 2AM. License your software under the GPL and your investors can't force you to make it proprietary. Set up a warrant canary and the feds can't force you to keep their spying secret:

https://locusmag.com/2021/01/cory-doctorow-neofeudalism-and-the-digital-manor/

If the founders were determined to build a trustworthy, open, independent company, they could have published their quarterly books, livestreamed their staff meetings, built data-export tools that emailed users every week with a link to download everything they'd posted since the last week. Merely halting any of these practices would have been a signal that things were wrong. Anyone who says they won't be tempted in the moment to make a "reasonable" compromise in the hopes of recovering whatever they're trading away by living to fight another day is bullshitting you, and possibly themself.

The inability to project the consequences of your bad decisions in the future is the source of endless mischief and heartbreak. Take movie projectors. A couple decades ago, the studio cartel established a standard for digital movie distribution to cinematic exhibitors called the Digital Cinema Initiative. Because studio executives are more worried about stopping piracy than they are about making sure that people who pay for movies get to see them, they build digital rights management into this standard.

Movie theaters had to spend fortunes to upgrade to "secure" projectors. A single vendor, Deluxe Technicolor, monopolized the packaging of movies into "Digital Cinema Prints" for distribution to these projectors, and they used all kinds of dirty tricks to force distributors to use their services, like arbitrarily flunking third-party DCPs over picky shit like not starting and ending on a black frame.

Over time, the ability to use unencrypted files was stripped away, meaning every DCP needed to be encrypted, and every projector needed to have up-to-date decryption keys. This system broke down on Jan 1, 2024, and cinemas all over the world found they couldn't play Wonka. Many just shut down for the day and refunded their customers:

https://www.theverge.com/2024/1/1/24021915/alamo-drafthouse-outage-sony-projector

The problem? Something that every PKI system has to wrangle: an expired certificate from Deluxe Technicolor. The failure has been dubbed the Y2K24 debacle by projectionists and film-techs, who are furious:

http://www.film-tech.com/vbb/forum/main-forum/34652-the-y2k24-bug-major-digital-outage-today

Making everything worse is that Sony mothballed the division that maintains its projectors, so there's no one who can update them to accommodate Technicolor's workaround. Struggling mom-and-pop theaters are having to junk their systems and replace them. There's plenty of blame to go around, but Sony is definitely the most negligent link in the chain. Shame on them.

Big corporations LARP this performance of competence and seriousness, but they are deeply unserious. This week, I wrote, "we're nowhere near a place where bots can steal your job, we're certainly at the point where your boss can be suckered into firing you and replacing you with a bot that fails at doing your job":

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/15/passive-income-brainworms/#four-hour-work-week

Score one for team deeply unserious. The multinational delivery company DPD fired its support staff and replaced them with a chatbot. The chatbot can't tell you where your parcels are, but it can be prompt-injected into coming up with profane poems about how badly DPD sucks:

https://twitter.com/ashbeauchamp/status/1748034519104450874

There once was a chatbot named DPD, Who was useless at providing help. It could not track parcels, Or give information on delivery dates, And it could not even tell you when your driver would arrive.

DPD was a waste of time, And a customer's worst nightmare. It was so bad, That people would rather call the depot directly, Than deal with the useless chatbot.

One day, DPD was finally shut down, And everyone rejoiced. Finally, they could get the help they needed, From a real person who knew what they were doing.

This is…the opposite of an AI hallucination? It's AI clarity.

As with all botshit, this kind of AI self-negging is funny and fresh the first time you see it, but just wait until 3,000 people have published their own versions to your social feed. AI novelty regresses to the mean damn quickly.

The old, good web, by contrast, was full of enduring surprises, as the world's weirdest and most delightful mutants filled the early web with every possible variation on every possible interest, expression, argument, and gag. Now, you can search the old, good web with Old'aVista, an Altavista lookalike that searches old pages from "personal websites that used to be hosted on services like Geocities, Angelfire, AOL, Xoom and so on," all ganked from the Internet Archive:

http://oldavista.com/

I miss the old, good internet and the way it let weirdos find each other and get seriously weird with one another. Think of steampunk, a subculture that wove together artists, makers, costumers, fiction writers, and tinkerers in endlessly creative ways. My old pal Roger Wood was the world's most improbable steampunk: he was a gay ex-navy gunner who grew up in a small town in the maritimes but moved to Toronto where he became the world's most accomplished steampunk clockmaker.

I was Roger's neighbour for a decade. He died last year, and I miss him all the time. I was in Toronto in December and saw a few of his last pieces being sold in galleries and I was just skewered on the knowledge that I'd never see him again, never visit his workshop:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/16/klockwerks/#craphound

A reader just sent this five-year-old mini documentary about Roger, shot in his wonderful workshop. Watching it made me happy and sad and then happy again:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqMGomM8yF8

The old, good internet was so great. It was a place where every kind of passion could live. It was a real testament to the power of geeking out together, no matter how often the suits demand that we "stop talking to each other and start buying things":

https://catvalente.substack.com/p/stop-talking-to-each-other-and-start

The world is full of people with weird passions and I love them all, mostly. Learning about Don Bolles's collection of decades' worth of lost pet posters was a moment of pure joy (I just wish more of it was online):

https://ameliatait.substack.com/p/the-man-who-collects-lost-pet-posters

That's the future I was promised: one where every kind of freak can find every other kind of freak. Despite the nipple-deep botshit we wade through online, and the relentless cheapening of words like "innovation" and "future," there are still occasional gleams of the future I want to live in.

Like the researchers who spliced a photosynthesis gene into brewer's yeast (a fungus) and got it to photosynthesize, and to display enhanced fitness:

https://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(23)01744-X

As Doug Muir writes on Crooked Timber, this is pretty kooky! Fungi – the coolest of the kingdoms! – can't photosynthesize. The idea that you can just add the photosynthesis gene to a thing that can't photosynthesize and have it just kind of work is wild!

https://crookedtimber.org/2024/01/19/occasional-paper-purple-sun-yeast/

As Muir writes: "Animals have no evolutionary history of photosynthesis and aren’t designed for it, but the same is true for yeast. So… no reason this shouldn’t be possible. A photosynthesizing cat? Sure, why not."

Why not indeed?!

OK, that's this week's linkdump done and dusted. It only remains for me to share the news with you that the trolley problem has been finally and comprehensively solved, by Sidereal@kolektiva.social, of the IWW IU 520 (railroad workers):

Slip the switch by flipping it while the trolley's front wheels have passed through, but before the back wheels do. This will cause a controlled derailment bringing the trolley to a safe halt.

https://kolektiva.social/@sidereal/111779015415697244

I'm Kickstarting the audiobook for The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/20/melange/#i-have-heard-the-mermaids-singing

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Shadows Entwined: part 11

BatmanVsTmnt!Leonardo x sidekick!reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 / Part 12 Part 13 Bonus (18+)

A/N: I bet ya all have been waiting for what is about to happen, but it is still not over yeeeeeet💙😉

Warnings: Fighting, breaking of bones, if you have seen the movie you know what happens, just with a little extra.

The reader and the turtles are 19.

Baxter Stockman connected the last few wires, plucking the machine together, the Cloud Seeder making noises as it started to warm up. The scientist turned fly mutant then turned towards the people below him inside of Ace Chemicals’ main building, his arms up in the air as he gave the speech he had been preparing for several weeks now.

“Gentleman!”, he started. “Ninjas all around… murders… I’m pleased to announce that the venom slash ooze hybrid is complete. The Cloud Seeder is ready to launch”.

Shredder turned towards Ra’s al Ghul with his always angry eyes, narrowed in almost spite for the Demon’s Head.

“Then it is done, Ra’s”, Shredder said, his voice muffled by the metal mask that covered his mouth, his distaste for the leader of the League of Assassins thick as he spoke, bubbling over into pure hatred and anger. “The Foot has completed its obligations to you. I will expect no more delays in giving me the Lazarus Pit!”

Ra’s sighed, annoyed with Shredder’s continued demands of the pit, just like he had done at Arkham the other night as they sought out Joker. It was already becoming an old story. Ra’s suddenly understood very well why Kraang wasn’t there to help Shredder out with their plans. Maybe that was why Shredder came to Ra’s in the first place. Or maybe it was his age. Ra’s could really feel the 650 something age difference between the two.

“Over eager as always”, Ra’s sighed, side eyeing the ninja and the blades on his gloves. He then turned his attention back towards Baxter Stockman, giving him a firm command to “activate the machine”, making the fly turn towards him. “It’s time for the city to reward to its primal nature and destroy itself”.

Shredder knew very well what that meant. No Lazarus Pit before Ra’s knew the machine was working.

“Do as the man says”, Shredder growled at Stockman.

“Yes sir!”, Stockman said, turning back towards the Cloud Seeder with a small laugh. Though the fly had several times wondered about his status as a hostage, he could not deny the excitement of trying out his machine. It was fine being a hostage, as long as he got to try out his newest creation. His small wings carried him to the machine, turning it on with a small beep, lights and screens turning on with small sounds as the Cloud Seeder gained life.

“Ah”, Ra’s sighed in delight, watching as the machine woke up from its slumber. “And now nothing can stand in my way”.

But like so many villains often did, Ra’s spoke too soon, the Foot Ninjas and assassins turning to the wall in confusion, at the sound of rapidly approaching motors.

With no hesitation, Leo broke through the wall with the Turtle Van, sending bricks flying everywhere. You, still on the back of Raph’s motorcycle, came flying through the window alongside Batgirl, sending glass shards across the room. The Batmobile broke through the window just above the door, shatting the group of Foot Ninjas that stood in its way. Emerging from your vehicles, you and your Bat family stood alongside the turtles, staring down the big crowd of villains.

“So much for your distraction”, Shredder said to Ra’s, knowing very well that he was beginning to push his buttons.

Donnie’s eyes quickly scanned the machine in front of them, no confusion about what it was that he was looking at.

“That’s it”, he said, referring to the Cloud Seeder. “We have to shut it off before it launches”.

“You’re too late, detective!”, Ra’s called out, smirking at Batman as Foot ninjas and assassins gathered around him. “Gotham will fall and be born anew”.

“We don’t have much time”, Batman said, his eyes never leaving Ra’s. “Let’s take him down”. And as if that had been a call for war, all of you jumped into action, fighting and making your way through ninjas and assassins. Leo swung his katana at whatever enemy came close, followed by Robin that jumped and kicked them so hard that they fell to the ground without a sound. Mikey’s nunchucks sounded loudly whenever they came into contact with his opponents faces, just as loudly as the sound of Batman’s knuckles against jaws. Donnie’s bo staff knocked people out, while Raph jumped an unsuspecting assassin, at the same time as Batgirl’s motorcycle roared as her front wheel connected with a Foot ninja’s face. You too fought the best you could, using everything your father had ever taught you. But you did find yourself unprepared at moments, ducking quickly before a blade was able to grace your skin.

Shredder and Ra’s watched calmly as you all fought. Evenever one of their men fell, several more came to take their place, keeping you all busy. Almost too busy. You had a hard time keeping up. Whenever you dodged one punch, you were soon met by another, keeping you turning, running, jumping and ducking, almost out of breath. You stumbled, the blade of an assassin making its way towards you, and for a moment you thought that it was it. This would be the moment you would die. But before the blade could touch the surface of your skin, another sharp shinny one came into view, deflecting it, followed by a flash of green and blue, a pair of beautiful blue eyes looking your way for a moment, making sure you were okay. Leo.

It was not hard for Leo to emobile the assassin, with Donnie coming to his aid, helping his older brother clear the way, before both of them brought out their grappling hooks. In a swift move, Leo brought his arm around you, pressing you to his side, before letting the grappling hook pull you both to his desired destination. The scaffolding, high above ground, not far from where Shredder and Ra’s were standing. Leo dropped you off behind him, making sure you were covered by his shell, before Donnie came to his side, followed by Batman that took a spot between them, all three staring down the two villains.

“Shut off the Cloud Seeder”, your father commanded the two turtles, almost not acknowledging you behind Leo. But he knew you were there. You knew your father too well. There was no way he hadn’t seen Leo bring you with him. “Shredder is mine”.

“I think you forgot how our last encounter played out”, Shredder said, reminding you of what your father had told you. The things that had happened inside of Wayne Enterprise, while you had stayed outside, watching the turtles and Penguin go at it on another roof. But there was no time for you to tell your father. You wanted him to be careful, and not let Shredder come too close again. But before you could even utter a word, he and Shredder were off, fighting on the scaffolding.

Before you could even fully register your father’s absence in the chaos, Leo turned towards you, his pretty eyes catching yours.

“You wait here, (Y/N)”, he said in a demand, before he and Donnie were off, using their grappling hooks to get past Shredder and Batman, landing not far from the Cloud Seeder. And Ra’s al Ghul.

“Typical”, the Demon’s Head spoke. “Batman sends children to do his work for him. Perhaps another must die to teach him the folly of his ways”. Ra’s pulled off his cape, letting it fall to the ground. Leo and Donnie exchanged glances, before Ra’s came at them with a sudden move, causing both of them to jump back. You gasped, covering your mouth with your hands.

On the ground the others continued their fight against the men of Shredder and Ra’s al Ghul, with Robin having turned his attention towards Baxter Stockman, only for Stockman to throw up before Robin even got to him.

You jumped from side to side, unsure what to do. You couldn’t just stay back here and do nothing. There was no way. Especially not with all the narrow misses Ra’s pulled on Leo and Donnie. And it was with the sudden push of Leo, that sent him colliding with the scaffolding that brought you into action, using your grappling hook the same way he and his brother had.

You landed next to Donnie watching Ra’s with narrow eyes, ignoring Donnie’s confused look.

“But you have no weapons”, Donnie said, throwing a quick worried look over his shoulder at Leo who still wasn’t up from the ground.

“Don’t worry about it”, you said, knocking your wrists together, hearing the echo of the metal inside of them.

“It’s almost a pity”, you heard Ra’s snicker as he swung his blade one more time, making you and Donnie jump back. “So many children that must die today”.

You were ready to jump back in, but before you had the chance, Donnie did, still angry from what Ra’s had done to Leo. But Donnie was met with a kick to his plastron, making him fall to his knees for a moment. Ra’s swung his blade at him, but Donnie managed to catch with his bo staff, the point of Ra’s sword poking through the middle of wood. In the short moment Donnie stared at it, still in shock from what had happened, Ra’s grabbed his forearm and threw it over the railing, before bringing his foot down upon it with full force. Donnie yelled out in pain as his bone broke, falling onto his broken arm, between the pieces of his broken staff.

Ra’s looked at his work with a small smile, before pushing Donnie off the scaffolding with his foot, sending the mutant plumaging towards the earth below.

“Donnie!”, Leo called out, making you aware that Leo now sat up. But in the short time you looked away, Ra’s had turned his attention towards you, making you take a few steps back, terror clear in your eyes. “No!”Leo called out again, flashbacks from Arkham Asylum flooding his mind. His brothers laying dead on the floor of the boiler room, and the fear in your eyes.

Ra’s swung his sword at you, and you shield yourself with your gloves, the metal inside of them making the sharp edge bounce off. Ra’s roared in annoyance, before kicking you with his foot, making you fall to the ground. The vision of you on the ground, crying out in fear was very clear in Leo’s head. He could not let it happen.

With a battle roar Leo rose from the ground and jumped at Ra’s. Ra’s turned at the last moment, their blades clashing together.

“Get away from her”, Leo growled as the sky light broke above you, the Cloud Seeder launching with Donnie hanging off of it with his good arm, while Mikey frantically tried to turn it off.

Ra’s laughed when he caught on to what was happening. Young love was never hard to spot. He had seen it from the moment Leo safed you on the floor below and brought you with him, and when you selflessly jumped into action, with nothing but your metal gloves to protect you.

“Then be her hero and make me”, Ra’s laughed pushing Leo off, before swinging his sword at you once more. You ducked and rolled out of the way from two more blows, before Leo was on him once again.

“I have to admit”, Ra’s said through the clashes of blades, clearly very amused. “This is very interesting. A turtle and a human. How did you expect that to work?” Leo did not answer however, but swung at him once more. “You think I’m trying to make a fool of you? Well, I’m not. You seem like a smart child, and therefore you may know how impossible it sounds. But the Cloud Seeder could be your key to be together. It could turn her into anything. A bat, a wolf. Maybe even a turtle”. But Leo did not listen. He knew what Ra’s was trying to do. Make him unsure. Make him question. Make him hesitate. But Leo did none of those things, especially not with you, your family and his brothers’ lives on the line. He felt anger, the same kind of anger he had felt in Arkham, and it was controlling him.

Ra’s, seemingly too caught up in his own perceived brilliance, did not notice you launch at him, kicking at one of his feet, making him stumble. Leo, still blinded by anger, jumped at him once more, but Ra’s caught him in the last moment, before throwing him off the scaffolding and down towards the floor below. You called out for Leo as he landed on the ground with all the wind blown out of him, dropping one of his katanas on the way down. Ra’s turned his attention towards you, smiling menacingly as gave you a hard kick to your side, causing you to roll up on the ground, whimpering at the pain. He then grabbed a hold of the railing, ready to jump over, sending you one last evil smile.

“Time to get rid of that turtle lover of yours”, he said, before acceding to the floor, where Leo was slowly getting up, resting his weight of the katana he still had in hand, watching as Ra’s landed on his other one. The memories from Arkham still flooded Leo’s head. His brothers, you, all of it. But then he remembered your father’s words.

“Your anger won’t help your brothers, and it won’t save (Y/N). You have to focus”.

Taking in a deep breath, Leo got off the ground as Ra’s came closer, his blade still proudly in his hand. On the scaffolding above, Leo could hear you whimper and see your eyes as you watched them below you. Leo calmed his breath, watching as Ra’s got closer, grabbing firmly around the katana in his hand.

Whatever Ra’s had expected, it wasn’t the sudden newfound speed that Leo came in with, clashing his katana with his sword in several swift moves. Ra’s was taken aback, taking several steps back with each blow, but then struggling to do so when Leo stepped on his foot. You watched in awe as Leo managed to swing Ra’s sword out of his hand, sending it flying up into the air, before it landed into the floor several meters away. But Ra’s wasn’t done, continuing to fight without a weapon, kicking and punching at a dodging Leo.

Leo then jumped, swinging his katana down upon Ra’s. But to your surprise, Ra’s caught Leo’s blade between his hands before breaking it in half. Leo stumbled in shock, before Ra’s sucker punched him in the face, sending him flying backwards, the sight making your insides hurt more than they already did.

Ra’s went to get his sword, before pointing it at Leo, who was still struggling on the ground, all while you watched in fear.

“How?”, Leo asked, still not fully having processed what just had happened. Ra’s chuckled.

“Foolish child”, he chuckled. “I’m hundreds of years old, and have trained with the greatest teachers in history. How could you possibly-”.

Ra’s was suddenly cut off as Leo’s foot kicked up between his legs, hitting him where the sun was not supposed to shine, and definitely no foot either. Ra’s fell to his knees, cupping his manhood while Leo got up with a backflip.

“Oh yeah?”, Leo asked, finding the scene before him very amusing. “Well, I’m 19, and I learned this from a rat”. Leo did a series of small punches and pokes to Ra’s upper body, before the leader of the League of Assassins fell unconscious to the ground, dust flying up around him.

“Leo!”, you called out from above, crawling towards the edge of the scaffolding. “Catch me!” And without question Leo did so, holding arms open for you, catching you as you fell down from above making sure not to touch you where Ra’s had kicked you.

Both you and Leo wanted to ask each other if you were okay, but neither of you did so. You could not help yourselves. As relief rushed over you both, there was nothing that stopped your lips from crashing together in a passionate kiss. For a moment the two of you forgot where you were or what was happening, letting nothing but the feeling of each other's lips play out in your mind. Finally, after so many hours of wondering, Leo was finally able to feel them against his. Soft and warm. It was only his first kiss and his was already feeling himself becoming addicted. He already dreaded the moment he would have to let go of them again.

Leo leaned his head further to the right, deepening the kiss, until both of you had to pull away for air, staring into each other’s eyes, fighting the smiles that was playing at the corners of your lips, and the urges to go for another kiss. Leo’s lips felt cold now, and there was nothing he would rather do, than warm them up with yours one more time. But now was not the time. As much as he wished it was, he could not stand around and continue to kiss you, even if it was very tempting.

“Come on”, Leo said, forcing himself to let you go in order to take your hand, pulling you with him towards the stairs. “Let’s help your father”.

[obriengf]

How about no.5 with thomas for blurbs ?

send me a prompt for some oblivious love blurbs ✩ Notes: i changed the word "like" to "love" from the prompt because it suited better idk?

WRONG PLACE, RIGHT TIME ?

Timing was a luxury when it came to the seemingly everlasting battle against WCKD. If anything, it ran askew and unharmonious in adjacent to the nightmares that plagued closing eyes and the terrors that chased outlivers through each and every new day. It was hard to stop and think, let alone feel any emotion other than the will to just purely survive. It was even harder to recognise something that may have been right under your nose, when your focus was instead pulled forward as you looked possible death straight down the barrel of its gun. Thomas huffed; his throat wheezing slightly as he tried to catch his breath, back pressed against the solid structure of a brick wall. Beside him flopped Newt, looking worse for wear, and also stared at by a recently rescued Minho and exhausted Gally. It was bittersweet to watch these boys as they took a small moment to gather themselves - the night had dragged, and even you were feeling the detriments of your extricated mission a little more now that you managed to take a seat. Adrenaline continued to pump through your veins and exercise your heart just that little bit more than you'd deem safe, and it was keeping you focused enough, for now.

Thomas made the first move to rid the WCKD uniform jacket that weighed down his shoulders, the saturated material dripping to the ground before it bled into a haphazardly thrown heap. You followed him quickly until a deep breath filled your lungs with relief, your body no longer constricted nor branded by the threads of your enemy. It was Minho's voice that caught your attention next. Your eyes squinted with confusion, unsure of the words dripping with disbelief as they were spoken towards Newt. And that's when you saw the state of your friend up close, properly, since this break-and-enter mission had begun. Black veins, roots protruding from his arms trailed up his neck. They licked at his cheeks and provoked tired reddened bags to drag at his once soft caramel-toned eyes. They, too, were black as they challenged the night sky in a silent feud for the darkest pitch.

A nearby explosion shook you from your worried state; debris flying overhead, an avalanche of buildings falling to their knees, and Tanks with crazed vengeful men entering the now destroyed streets of the once grand city. It was time to leave, and to get Newt over to Brenda so that he could take the cure. You tuned back into the conversation between the boys in front of you when your name was mentioned - assigned to follow Gally and Minho - a route best leaving you safe. You disagreed, wholeheartedly. "Thomas, I'm not going anywhere without you." You said sternly, brows furrowed as you peered at him. You could see the months of stress integrating into the lines of exhaustion and worry between his eyes; he had driven himself to the ground to protect those that he cared for most, and you weren't going to be any different. He shook his head, "I'm fine. Seriously, you need to go, now -" "-No!" The boy grunted in agitation at your response, lips curled frustratingly before he was quick to grasp your wrist. He gently pulled you aside until his stressed gaze softened almost immediately after looking into your own. Thomas reached for you; fingertips careful as they brushed back loose strands of hair, revealing a cut to your forehead and a trail of dried crimson flakes. He had never been more tender as his thumb rubbed over the wound. "Listen to me. You need to go with them, Y/N. Please. If anything happened to you, I..." Words were lost as his tongue grew heavy, feelings of infatuation trying to break free. He didn't want to make this any harder, in case it was a goodbye. He didn't want to lay his heart on the line, and in the middle of such danger, if it meant the potential for one to shatter. But how could he not when you looked at him with such admiration. Your head shook, tone pleading as you begged, "I'm safest when I'm with you, Tommy. I always have been." He bit his lip, time ticking. You two never had just a moment - a simple, quiet, moment. One between you both where time could stand still. It was overdue but impossible. And you both knew it. The others waited patiently enough to allow a brief spell of privacy, but the air was thick with tension, and another explosion burst the bubble that held you both temporarily captive. Thomas groaned. "No, no you don't get it! I can't let anything happen to you... I-I love you, dammit! I need you to be okay! Out of every-fucking-thing that's happening right now, I need you to be okay! You are so damn reckless sometimes, just for once do what you are fucking told instead of asking for a death wish, I swear - " "Wait, you love me?" Your voice cut through his rant, hand cupping his cheek, and tone so incredibly quiet in contrast to the harshness around you all. "For God's sake - that's all you got from that?" "Guys, I get this is an intimate moment, but we need to get out of here, right now!" Gally called, his persona shrouded in restlessness as he looked over his shoulder. Thomas took one look at you. He did love you, so much. Sometimes it hurt him, and other times, it healed him. And he may never forgive himself if something happened to you, but as he noticed the beauty of mutual love that sprouted from your smile, he knew that he couldn't have you leave. It was hasty, borderline crazy, but Thomas reached for your hand that had warmed his cheek before he kissed your palm. He drew a sharp breath, shaking off any better judgement, "Okay then, just don't ever leave my side." "I promise. Always."

[imjustalilboi]

(After the absolute bs my Internet decided to pull on me, here's the tickle fic I made)

𝐖𝐇𝐎'𝐒 L4UGH!N6 𝐍𝐎𝐖?

Ler!Xenophanes Lee!Fleetway Ler!Sarah/Needlem0use

TW: Cursing

-----------------------------------------

"Goddamn, I hate these two.." Xenophanes would internally scowl as he would be sitting down on a patch of grass. He had been pestered by both Fleetway and Sarah for the past two hours, of course Fleetway being the worst of it. "What's wrong, you blood crying bitch? You mad?!" Fleetway's voice would echo from afar, clearly aimed at Xenophanes.

"Go fuck yourself, you hacked up hairball of piss!" Xenophanes would hurl back, turning his head 187 degrees to at least see him. "Oh how original!" The maniacal version of Super Sonic would cackle, later appearing in front of him along with Sarah, who would be brushing out her quills. Xenophanes would roll his eyes and slap Fleetway on the back of the head, earning an annoyed grunt from him.

"Watch it, crystal cunt! I'll beat your ass!" Fleetway would hiss, straightening out his quills. "I wish you would! Who's the god here?" Xenophanes would huff, crossing his arms. "Pah! Please! You couldn't even kill a midget and his annoying girlfriend!" Fleetway would snap back. "Not like you could either, Fleetway!" Sarah would speak up, leaning against a wall.

"Oh blow me, Sarah! You didn't even try!" Fleetway would spit, clenching his fists. "Ooh! Is the little guy getting mad?" Xenophanes would tease, smiling smugly. "Kiss my ass, Xeno!" Fleetway would push him off to the side by the head. "Hey! Why you little-!" Xenophanes would regain his bearings and go to shove him back as Fleetway would float up in an attempt to dodge it, only for one of the crystals on Xenophanes' quills to brush under his arm.

"Ah-!" Fleetway would slightly squeak, tucking his arms back down tightly, getting silent stares from Xenophanes and Sarah before they would start to snicker. "There's no way.." Sarah would giggle, covering her snout with a hand.

Fleetway would feel his face heat up, his ears pinning back against his head, he knew that he was ticklish and shat bricks trying to hide it, now two individuals that he hated knew he was! "Don't you fucking dare.." He would mutter, already backing away. What are you so scared for? Weren't you talking shit earlier?" Xenophanes would chuckle, wiggling his fingers in claw-like movements.

Right as he was about to try and escape, Xenophanes would've already pinned him. "Ack! Get off me, you fatass! You're fucking crushing me!" Fleetway would squirm under his grasp, scowling a little until he felt his left sneaker get pulled off. "What's the matter? You scared?" Sarah would tease, setting it off to the side and grabbing his ankle and poking his sole, the sock not doing anything to nullify the feeling.

"Eep! Sarahahah!" Fleetway would snicker, jerking his foot a little bit. "Looks like you found a good spot already!" Xenophanes would chuckle, still keeping him pinned down and digging his fingers into his sides.

"Fuhuhuhck! Nohohoho!" Fleetway would start to crack a wider smile, his sharp teeth on display as he would start to thrash a little bit. "Look who's turning into a little puddle of laughs now!" Sarah would snicker as she continued to skitter her fingers across his foot, tracing the pads and toe beans through the fabric of the sock, his toes curling in response.

"OHOHO FUHUHUHCK OFF! HEHEHAHAHAHAHA!" Fleetway would start to laugh uncontrollably, bucking and thrashing yet Xenophanes wouldn't let him move away the slightest inch. "Oh we're so hurt!" Xenophanes would say in mock offense, over dramatically placing a hand on his head before delivering a few tases to his sides, getting more laughs out of him.

Fleetway would continue to kick and squeal, laughs uncontrollably pouring out of his mouth as a crimson blush would be on his cheeks. "I FUHUHUHCKIN' HAHAHATE YOU TWOHOHO!" He would continue to try and get out yet they wouldn't let him, skittering their fingers across his sensitive spots.

"Hold on, Let me try something really quickly.." Sarah would say, Xenophanes temporarily stopping his tickles to let her take over. "What now..?" Fleetway would say, out of breath. "I usually do this to Luther when he's not paying attention.." She would say, straddling Fleetway before her claws emerge, pressing them against his exposed furry stomach before scribbling her fingers against it at extreme speeds, Fleetway cackling and screeching loudly, his red spirals for eyes spinning faster and turning pinkish in color.

"FAHAHAHACK! NOHOHOHOHOHO!" He would squeal, his voice shooting up several octaves as tears of laughter pour from his eyes. "Hehehe.. fuckin' adorable.." Xenophanes would chuckle, having taken over tickling Fleetway's exposed foot.

Sarah would continue on with her relentless assault on his torso, counting his ribs slowly, earning more giggling and screaming from the poor hedgehog. "PLEHEHEHEASE! STAHAHAHAP!" Fleetway would beg, struggling to breathe with how much he's been laughing. "Hmm.. okay!" Both would say, finally letting him go, leaving him panting on the ground. "I.. I hate you two retards.." Fleetway would say through pants and wheezes.

"Yadda yadda, whatever you say, piss hedgehog!" Xenophanes would mock, going back to sitting down, not even a few milliseconds passing before he fell asleep, snoring loudly as Sarah would get off of Fleetway, helping him up.

Fleetway would glare at both of them, not wanting to admit that he liked it, a scowl on his face yet not that intimidating due to his current state. Maybe he could do something like that on the next person he sees later on.

(Finally I'm fcking done)

[heyheyitsjae]

I got the LEGO Lion Knights Castle

So recently I managed to get my hands on this new LEGO Castle set, and they did this cool thing with it where they put little messages from Majisto (the original LEGO Wizard from the 90’s) up in the corner at different parts of the build. But a few of these messages are a tad odd or interesting and I want to highlight them

A) First and definitely weirdest. So normally LEGO pieces are either 1 plate tall (a plate) or 3 plates tall (a brick.) A couple years ago they released this piece I like to call the “Minecraft candle” that’s only 1x1 studs wide, but is 2 plates tall.

The odd thing is that Majisto makes comments along the lines of “hey check out this weird piece” twice in the manual. The first time makes perfect sense because it’s the first time you use one (I think) in the entire build and it is a really weird part. The second time though is like halfway through the second manual, so like 3⁄4 's through the entire build and after you’ve put down like 100 of the damn things. It’s extra odd ‘cause sometimes these messages are like 30 steps apart, sometimes like 5, so they didn’t have to include a message there at all. If they were out of material it’d be fine to leave it blank. 

B) A while back there was this mobile app called LEGO Legacy: Heroes Unboxed. In it it was implied that Majisto used to date Willa the Witch (and also Basil the Batlord but that’s beside the point.) According to this set, however, Majisto is actually Willa’s cousin. It was the medieval era I suppose…

C) One of the characters they had in the retro lineups was The Black Knight. He started off as a member of the Black Falcons before splintering off to start his own faction known as the Black Knights. While the Black Falcons and Crusaders/Lion Knights had a bit of a back and forth rivalry, and you were supposed to root for the Crusaders, but neither was really marked as outright good or evil and they had peaceful interactions from time to time. The Black Knights however were consistently antagonized by the story, and always depicted as enemies of the Falcons, Crusaders, and Forestmen. 

We got some new lore in this manual. Apparently the Black Knight was driven to madness and greed after looking at a magical shard of amber now sealed in the Lion Knight’s dungeon. While the manual never explicitly states this I’m assuming the Falcons and Crusaders went to war over the Black Knight wanting the amber, and when the Black Knight left the Falcons and the Crusader King was replaced by the Lady of the Lion Knights peace came to the two factions. 

D) At one point Majisto describes a gear as “what sorcery is this” and I’m like “dude, you’re literally a magic wizard how is this weird for you.” I don’t think LEGO was including gear pieces in those old Castle sets so it’s probably a meta joke, but I’m like 90% sure knights IRL had gears in siege machines and portcullis mechanics and shit. Majisto makes a similar comment about a wall attached with hinge pieces (again probably a meta joke about LEGO being less boxy then it used to but in-universe it would just be a simple diagonal wall.) and another wall that grows and bends when you open the castle up (and… fair enough for that one.) 

E) The brown frog piece underneath the toilet trough is canonically not a pile of shit, it is a frog who has been shat on. 

F) Majisto has to poop standing up because his minifig has a dress piece and those can’t bend to sit down. 

G) At one point Majisto brags about being able to drop stones off the castle wall if the “dragon army” ever attack, which is weird because he’s the leader of the Dragon Knights!? TBF retroactively, in other LEGO media, Majisto has kinda become a Gandalf type, wandering from kingdom to kingdom helping where he can, so maybe he’s not considered their leader anymore and Burnabus took over/was always in charge in-universe. Also there are like three different groups of Dragon Knights, Majisto’s neutral Dragon Masters and then the evil Green Dragons and Red Dragons so maybe he’s talking about one of the latter two? Also also, if Ninjago is any indication, Dragons are a sentient race in the LEGO world so maybe some of them have militarized? 

[chronicles-of-arges-county]

Paranormal Journal Entry: 7

Yeah, at this point I'll just give up trying to give excuses for the long wait between posts. though in my defense the last post didn't leave me in a very good mood. anyway, i think ill just go back to more lighthearted stuff. do you guys remember how i said i found a tank?

Like usual i was wondering the woods alone[this happened before Darius started coming with me] at night. that was the only weird part at first, i don't usually go there so late in the night 'cause that's just suicide with extra steps. but i came across a nice clearing a few days before and wanted to go there to look at the stars. to bad my stupid ass didn't think to go there during the day and just wait. i instead planed a secret route trough the forest that would minimize the chance of me getting attacked by god knows whatever existential horror for 2 days. now everything went according to plan until the obvious happened and i was jumped by something i can only describe as a giant rabbit with wolf legs and no ears. i immediately shat a brick and started running for my life without looking where i was going, which ended up saving my ass. as i ran i fell of a small cliff, and miraculously didn't break any bone. i got up and leaned against a rock to catch my breath, when i realized....that's not a rock....that's metal...... and OH SHIT ITS A TANK! now i think the tank was an LTvz38/R2/Panzer 38t, either way it was hella old. ww2 era, maybe even interwar. i looked in and there was nothing there, i was expecting some corpses but it was empty. then i decided on possibly the only good idea i ever had. i was in the haunted forest with every "animal" here trying to kill me and was armed with nothing other than my trusty hatchet. i could either spend the night outside in the open or with inches of steel between me and whatever creatures are out there. for the first time in my life i made a rational decision and locked myself in the tank and spent the night there. the next day i came back with a bunch of stuff:

crates of MREs, some old tents, tarps to cover everything with, etc and established what i call "Outpost T"(for Tank) so now i have a place to go if i ever get lost in the woods at night.

i have no idea how it got there. i couldn't have been abandoned since it is in what looks like perfect condition(well....as good as an 80 year old tank can be). but i learned that looking for answers about the stuff i find in the woods only leads to more questions.

anyway, i hope you all enjoyed the story, until next time.

[krombopulos-mercenary]

A bucking Zorble would've been a simpler challenge than the Beserker Drone. Micheal would've preferred it. He'd ridden one once at some rank ass rodeo- bar place he and Rick had found themselves at years ago. Both men enjoying more than one kind of high and wasting their time on an interdimensional bar crawl they were calling an "adventure".

At the end of besting the Zorble, Micheal had enjoyed an untold amount of free drinks, drugs and his at the time boyfriend.

After besting the Drone, Micheal ended up suffering a severe case of "being smacked into the wall". Making him lose grip on his knife in the process of being tossed aside. All of the blood making the handle too slick for his claws to keep a decent grip. While the Beserker drowned in his own blood, Mike was also wheezing away. A crumbled heap laying the ground.

The force of colliding with the wall had knocked more than just the wind out of him - his bad lung had collapsed. Not completely, but he could feel the organ struggling along and it was slowing the defector from bouncing back. And Micheal needed to bounce back, he still had one more blood thirsty Drone to deal with after all!

His eyes met with the deranged gaze of his final enemy and the race was on! Micheal forced himself to his feet, still wheezing and gasping away, and staggered his way over to the fresh corpse in the hallway. Half falling onto it once he got there. Determined to retrieve his weapon, all while the other Drone made the dash over to him on only three working limbs.

Luckily, the Diamond Knife's handle was in plain view and Micheal could easily grab on. The only question was whether he could pull the damn thing out and use it to defend in time before the second Beserker Drone was upon him-

=====

“REEEE REEEE— RIIIIICK!”

Every time. Every. Fucking. Time. That Amy thought things couldn't possibly get worse- they get fucking worse.

To say she shat a brick when that horrible little nightmare creature actually managed to speak - to say the name of the guy right beside her! - was an understatement. She shat the metaphorical rock! The horrifying implications of what that all meant were too much to process in the moment. All she could do was curse in fear and grip onto Rick just as hard as he was to her.

It was all she could to watch as an attempt was made to shoot the thing out of all of their misery- and it promptly backfiring. She screams as they hit the deck, the body of the young soldier making for unintentional cover. She and Rick managing to squeeze down into a corner of the elevator while sparks and chaos rain around.

"STOP SHOOTING! THOSE BULLETS WILL KILL ALL OF US INSTEAD!"

She cries out, more out of harried need than out of Rick's order to. Her arm finding it's way around his neck to make sure the stupid human wouldn't raise his head up at the wrong moment or something.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK-!"

What the hell were they going to do?! What could they use to destroy that mini-lizard person before it tried taking it's first bite out of Rick?! Let alone anything else it wished to do-!

X

[aces-basement]

Chaotic Ace (Gorillaz) x Reader that borders on explicit but isn't and is written by someone with 3 braincells on the verge of a breakdown just for u anon

(it's not explicit but I don't want minors to read it anyway. Minors DNI!)

You were walking home from work. It was late. And cold. And you wanted to get home more than anything.

There was an alley. A scary one. A dark, wet, cold one. One you've never been in when it was dark. But it was a shortcut. And at this point? If you got shanked and left for dead that might not be so bad

Anyway you decide to go down the alley.

It was.

Quiet.

Too quiet. Not even a cat in the dumpster or anything.

Oh hey speakin of dumpsters

BAM! Ace stumbled out of one wowww

You jumped and shat your pants figuratively

He tried to be menacing but he got his leg stuck on the side of the dumpster. He was stuck. Hanging by the foot. Out of the dumpster.

He looked. So disappointed there. Dangling in the moonlight. He sighed long and hard. "......Can you help me down."

"Yeah sure stranger" You unhooked his boot and he fell on his face. You heard glass shatter

"Ah jeez, alright," The tall stranger brushed himself off and got the sunglass bits out of his eyes. "Well I was gonna mug you but I t'ink the moment's passed"

"Uhuh"

"Yeah.."

"You are the worst criminal I've ever met. Can I go now?"

He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Aw, yeah, sure. Go." But this man. This legend. This absolute goblin man. With his head hanging low and his little puppy dog eyes looking everywhere but at you. You couldn't leave him because you are the protag of an x reader fuck you

Anyway this blushing idiot was waiting for you to leave and you wanted to. But no you didn't because Ace is hot. Anyway you said "I like your eyeballs. Do you smoke weed"

This. Flustered him. He looked right at you and stuttered "No??? That's just- that's just how my eyes look."

"They're nice. So are your ears. And your skin. They make you look like a gross elf. Slash affectionate btw"

"Are you trying to flirt? Because you ain't great at it. What does that mean."

"Ok well since you're the CEO of flirting why don't you show me how it's done." You snarked

"Alright."

BOOM. Next thing you knew you were pinned against the wall. You looked up at him. Surprised. He had one arm against the wall, leaning into you.

"Hey."

"You smell like cheese"

Boom. Pocket knife to your throat. He didn't seem to acknowledge what you said. Uh oh. "I'd watch my tongue, toots. Don't want it on the cement." He growled

"This isn't flirting this is um what is it this is uhhhh"

"Violence? I dunno" He shrugged

"Yeah that's the word keep going please."

"Alright." He smooched you up your arm, then to your neck, before BITING your neck

"OW!"

"Sorry too much?"

"NO"

So he smiled and nibbled you some more, before pulling your hair and making out with you against the moldy ass brick wall mmmmm that's scrumptious. Then you took him home like an alley cat and yall lived happily ever after

[smute]

i was tagged by the wonderful gem gem gemmaaaaaaaaaa @whenwinterfell

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

name-calling? bitch (affectionate) or bro (sarcastic) but jan is also fine

2. when is your birthday?

10 april

3. where do you live?

atm im still enrolled in bremen but i moved back to [redacted] to live with my parents when i started going insane(r) in my dorm room after months of isolation. will probably move to berlin in the fall bc my plans a, b, and c fell through and i dont know what else to do but lets not talk about that 🥲

4. three things you are doing right now?

having a really bad day, drawing on my arm like a child, listening to marina

5. four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

i honestly dont even know what a fandom really is lmao my obsessions with stuff never last long enough to grow into anything substantial

6. how has the pandemic been treating you?

idek how to answer this.... i know im one of the lucky ones and im very grateful, but at the same time im doing worse than ever before... the past 15 months have been hard, a lot has been destroyed and im struggling to look ahead or feel hopeful ✌️😗

7. a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

VENUS FLY TRAP

8. recommend a movie:

Legally Blonde (2001)

9. how old are you?

29 and fuck you for asking (jk lol)

10. school, university, occupation, other?

im about to start an MA in english lit 🤡 and i justify my existence in this capitalist system with 3 separate jobs in 3 diff teams of my uni's pr department (yes its about as adhd friendly as it sounds)

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

COLD!!!! im a sweaty bitch and my skin is a beautiful, delicate shade of raw pork so i really hate the summer. i can admit that the concept has a certain appeal tho

12. name one fact others may not know about you

not really a fact but a fun anecdote: i transferred schools in first grade, just a few months into the school year and, on the first day at my new school, went home with a random girl. apparently sabrina had invited me to hang out, so we went to her house and spent the afternoon watching cartoons and eating candy. we were both latchkey kids (quite common where im from). my mom finished work around noon and obviously shat a brick when she came home to an empty apartment. my parents freaked the fuck out, called everyone they knew and eventually a major police operation was launched within hours of my disappearance... like friends and family were searching all over town for me, police were sweeping fields and the forest next to our neighborhood and 6 year old me was just chilling at this girls house lmaooooo... her mom came home later that night and asked me if my parents knew where i was BECAUSE SHE HAD HEARD A RADIO ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT A MISSING BOY. the weird thing is that sabrina had TWO older sisters who were obviously supposed to watch her (us?) but neither of them had the wherewithal to ask "hmm do the parents of this new kid you dragged in from the street know where he is?"

13. are you shy?

idk man... yeah? but then people keep telling me i come across as an extrovert and outgoing or whatever and i just think to myself omfg? i have to stop overcompensating

14. preferred pronouns?

he/they

15. biggest pet peeves?

"people who chew with their mouth open" <- yes absolutely! and when people interrupt others... which is slightly hypocritical of me but it just drives me up the wall!!!! even when it happens to others and im just a witness it makes me flip my lid

16. what is your favourite “dere” type?

my what now

17. rate your life from 1-10: idk man my brain doesnt really do long term analytics? i find a gummy bear on the floor - its an eleven. i experience a minor inconvenience - i want to kms.

18. what’s your main blog?

this is my only one

19. list your sideblogs and what they’re used for:

i feel like you're not even listening to me

20. is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

i guess it takes me a while to warm up to people but once we reach the friendship stage its basically impossible to get rid of me and im very loyal and committed? sounds like a dog lmao. BUT at the same time that can be hard to see for other people bc im also impulsive and not the best when it comes to consistent communication so... dont take it personally when i disappear for a few days and then message u like nothing happened🥺

tagging: @shyredpanda @mmolia ❤️‍🔥

[kiss-my-freckle]

The Vampire Diaries: 1x11 Rewatch

A beautiful episode. Romantic undertones, but completely innocent. If I could wrap it up into one dialogue, it'd be Stefan's from 1x3. "You're not gonna hurt her, Damon. Because deep down inside, there is a part of you that feels for her." That's why she goes on the trip without her vervain necklace. Damon truly cares for her, but this is the first time she gets to see the side of him that she met before her parents died. 

I consider this episode the brick and mortar of the Delena ship. It’s centered around trust. The trust between Bonnie, her grams, and Stefan. The trust between Elena, Bree, and Damon. It's the reason Elena offers herself up as a hostage to Damon in 1x14. Because she knows what she did. Damon cared, then she turned around and betrayed him because Stefan asked her to. They shat on his humanity, which isn't at all how you get Damon to embrace it. 1x14 solidifies Delena's trust. 

You can see how much Damon cares about Elena through Bree. That’s why he touches her face the way he does, then kills her. “So what are you going to do now? Because if you try and destroy that, I'll rip her heart out." He can’t kill Elena because he cares about her. He’s cared about her since the moment they first met. He can only threaten to kill her. 

Elena has a stalker. Damon scares him away, then helps her out of her car. This scene is fate at work. A natural incident that wasn't created by someone like Markos. They were meant to go to Atlanta together, and this isn't Damon getting romantic with her, but his shred of humanity Stefan spoke of. "I was worried that you had no humanity left inside of you, that you may have actually become the monster that you pretend to be." 

Damon: Time-out. Trust me. 

The parallel to Stefan and Bonnie. 

Stefan: Just close your eyes. Trust me. 

Forget the vampire you see. 

Elena eyes Damon's ring as he taps his steering wheel. Her fear taking over for a moment. “Is that Damon's ring? No. don't, Stefan. keep it hidden." Setting is everything. Elena is scared of Damon, so this daytrip is a leap of faith for her. The bar they hit when he takes her to New York would've been too lit. Bree's bar is quiet, cozy. Elena lights up the place.

Damon enjoys pissing off Stefan, but he also cares for Elena. He can care and gloat at the same time. That’s just who he is. 

This is what Damon and Vicki would’ve looked like had she survived. Having fun for five minutes without life getting in the way. It’ll be there when they get back. 

Elena: This nice act. Is any of it real? Damon: Mmhmm. 

Again, the man she met before her parents died. It’s not an act. He’s not the one pretending to be human. Stefan is. Anyone who sees how these brothers are written.... would understand why Elena ends up with Damon. Night and Day, sun and moon. This is what “whole” looks like. You can see the change in Elena’s attitude between drives. Tense on the way up, relaxed on the way back. She’s comfortable around Damon. 

Elena: You said no more lies. Only the truth. I can handle the truth, Stefan. As crazy as it is, I can handle the fact that you are a vampire. And you have a vampire brother. And that my best friend is a witch. I can accept the fact that the world is a much more mysterious place than I ever thought possible. But this - this lie - I can't take. What am I to you? Who am I to you?

Episode centered around trust. That’s why it starts and ends with Stefan and Elena. They’ll never have what she and Damon do because he can’t stop lying and keeping secrets. And I’m not just talking about the lies he tells her. I’m talking about the lies he tells himself. 

Elena: Did Stefan think that he could use me to replace her? Damon: Kinda creepy if you ask me.

♪ If I only could, I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get him to swap our places ♪ The “human” Katherine Stefan fell in love with. And Damon was being serious. It’s creepy to him. He cares for Elena, but he has no intention of falling for her. He’s in love with Katherine. 

Bree: After all these years, it's still only Katherine.

For now. 

[thorin-is-a-cuddler]

Careless laughter

A/N: I was inspired to write this fanfiction when I read about the story of Andrew getting waisted a lot during the time that Wham! was recording their album Make it big at Chateau Minerval in France. It is 100% a work of fiction and the way I write Andrew and George here is very personal and has nothing to do with the real people. Writing fanfic about real people is very strange business, but to anyone who enjoys reading this: thank you very much and I hope you like the Wham! in my fictitious little world. This is in parts a tickle fanfic, so I literally just project a lot onto poor Andrew and George and I hope you Wham! fans who read this can forgive me and maybe even like it. Alright, that’s it! Have fun :)

“George, please... George! George, won’t you at least look at me?” 

Andrew groaned when George stood up and walked past him, tense like a brick and with an expression of unfiltered anger. He grabbed something off a shelf in the recording room - which was actually more of a hall - and was about to go back to the mixing desk when Andrew strongly gripped for his wrist and held him back. Andrew’s head felt like it was stuck in a helmet. He was seriously too hungover for a fight with his best friend. 

George whirled around and tried furiously to free his arm from Andrew’s iron grip, but he couldn’t get away. Despite his headache Andrew kept the blank expression of someone who knows that they’re stronger and after a few more futile, angry attempts to get free George stopped, breathing heavily with his blond hair fluffed up like a cloud on his heated head. 

“Will you talk to me now?” Andrew waited for a reaction, but didn’t get one which led to him gripping his best friend’s wrist a little tighter. George hissed and was forced to look Andrew in the eyes. They stayed like this for a moment, George steaming with anger, Andrew determined and stubborn. George’s anger seemed to vanish in parts as Andrew’s solid glare kept imploring unshakenly. “Well?” 

With a tired expression mixing into George’s angry mask he gritted his teeth and nodded once, harsh and short. Andrew let go off his arm and pointed to the wide entrance behind them that led to an incredible garden, flooded with sunlight and covered in flowers and nice shadowy spaces from some huge trees. “Come on, you can get it all off your chest, yes?” 

They’d spent very little time in that paradise together until now. Andrew had been out and about with two of his oldest friends ever since they’d arrived in South France. He was still overwhelmed by the beauty of this place as he stepped out onto the red terrace with George. 

They sat down of a white bench placed in front of the wall of the recording “hall”. For a while they merely listened to the birds and insects and the very low mumble of the wind. It was afternoon and the sun was already yawning, less strong and bright than during midday. It could have been a wonderful moment, sitting there, holding their faces in the gentle caresses of the sun, maybe sipping a coke together. Then Andrew noticed George’s body started humming with tension again. It didn’t seem capable to hold all the mixed emotions together inside. He prepared for a storm. 

“I’m so sick of your fucking antics!” George got out between gritted teeth, turning his head away from Andrew, the sunlight meeting his hair, making it look like a golden shield between them. 

Andrew looked down at the terracotta tiles, the gentle breeze ruffling his black hair. He nodded merely noticeably and tried not to sigh. “I know.”

“You know,” George swallowed, a lump as big as their overwhelming success in his throat and seemed to choke on it in the most painful way. “You gave me a near heart attack yesterday. Seeing you in the bathtub like this, your friends trying to make you look like a person again, minutes before we had to do the special for The Tube... I was so angry at you. I was so worried, but I am constantly worried at the moment, because I’m trying to produce a fucking album here. And then I see you like this. You are not helping with that. You make me worry about you as well. I thought we were going to have a good time here. I thought you’d be here with me. I thought-” 

The lump made it so hard for George to talk that he had to stop. His shoulders were shaking ever so slightly. Andrew felt the entire array of fears, anger and wishes of his best friend and a big wave of dread rushed through him. His lips turned into a thin line and his fists clenched in his lap. He avoided looking directly at George’s shaking form, keeping his gaze directed at the warm tiles underneath his shoes. The wind was just a huff around them, but it managed to make Andrew shiver now.

“I thought we were going to do this together.” George said in a more stern voice now, but the sadness in this line nevertheless dripped out of it like water from a sponge. You couldn’t see it at first. But he was full of it.

Andrew did sigh now and dared to sneak a glance at his friend’s face. George looked disappointed, lonely and sad and it hurt Andrew as much as it managed to give him something back that he’d talked himself out of previously: that he was important for Wham!, that he was important to George, that he was needed for the band. He could barely stand George’s disappointment and he felt overwhelmed by the strong emotion of George’s unbroken affection despite Andrew’s behaviour of late. With a sniff he nodded to himself and carefully leaned in closer to his friend, looking for some kind of contact, for the usual warmth between them. 

George didn’t look at him, bent over to pluck out some grass to pick at, but settled back down on the bench with their shoulders touching again, the way Andrew had initiated before. Andrew tried not too smile too widely at that. He knew George couldn’t stay resentful. They just weren’t like that. They both had a strong desire to be taken seriously and they could argue a lot. But they couldn’t stay mad at each other beyond a certain point. They were too close for that. 

“George, I’m sorry.” Andrew pushed him gently with his shoulder, but George remained in his half-adverse posture - not pushing Andrew away, but neither initating any form of contact himself. “I’m truly sorry. I don’t want you to worry about me. I think I was trying to distract myself a bit too much there, wasn’t I? You know that I am not jealous of you, that I’m happy for you, right? I think your work is breath-taking. But I guess sometimes I feel a little... overwhelmed. And I worry. I know people talk about me, I know what they think about me and my position in the band. I just... sometimes I want to get away from all the thoughts that come, that just come then. I don’t really want to think them.” 

Now George directed his gaze directly at Andrew and it was Andrew’s turn to look away. He tried to avoid the hurt expression on his face, the furrowed brows and the helpless glare. But it didn’t work. 

“Andrew, you know that I don’t see it that way. I need you here. Wham! is not me, it’s us. I need you in this. Obviously. I can’t do this alone. We’ve always done this together. Even if I’m writing the songs, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t a lot more to do than just that.” 

Andrew shrugged and changed the position of his feet. He couldn’t hide that the bad opinions and the malice he was receiving from outside were messing with his head and his self-esteem. George tried to catch his sight. 

“You don’t have to act according to the fucking press. They don’t tell you who you are, Andy.” 

George now searched for contact as well, squeezing his shoulder against Andrew’s and tilting his head closer. “Please, help me, Andy. Stay here for a while. Please.”

Andrew huffed at that, a smile pulling at his features. He met George’s imploring gaze, his chest still heavy, but his head a little lighter. “I will only be in the way. All I will do is sit there and repeat to you how good it all is. All that comes from here.” 

George made a grimace when Andrew used his left hand to knock on his forehead. He smiled reluctantly and turned his head to really look at him. “When you’re around I know that you’e not getting in trouble. You being here, enthusiastic about the music and the fact the we are making our second album together gives me the confidence in our music that I lack when you’re gone. Your are the spirit of Wham!’s music, don’t you know that?” 

Andrew looked back at George and saw that his friend’s anger was gone now. His eyes were shimmering slightly and his expression seemed to say “Yes, believe it or not, you fool, that is the truth” forcing Andrew to smile at him. 

“Yep. Well, George, Wham! is all about fun. So, of course, I am its spirit.”

George groaned and rolled his eyes, taking his head away from its position close to Andrew’s shoulder and bringing some distance between them again. His smile remained. “Yes, I am real buzzkill.” 

“You are. Totally. You’re so lucky to have me.” 

“Mhm.” 

A huge grin appeared on Andrew’s features as he noticed the two of them were back to their bickering selfs. “Without me you just mope, like you do right now.” 

“It’s with or without you, Andy!” 

“No, no, I’m taking the blues away.” 

“You make me sick. Especially with your colored white strands. You look like a bird shat on your head.” 

“Excuse me?!” 

“It literally looks like shit, Andrew!” George repeated teasingly, eyes widening when he saw Andrew narrow his own. He knew that look and it didn’t exactly promise peace and harmony. 

“You know what’s really sickening, though? I will give you something sickening!” 

George opened his mouth to fire something back at Andrew, but his friend was suddenly grabbing for him, trying to pull him off the bench. George took this a his cue to rip free and run for his life, but Andrew had other plans for him. Before he could so much as reach the middle of the garden Andrew had his arms around George’s middle and wrestled him to the ground as if he was a mere flower on a field. George couldn’t do anything about his hysterical sounding laughter as Andrew pushed him into the grass. His blond hair glowed in the sunlight like an open treasure chest, which was nothing in comparison to his shining smile that took over his entire face as Andrew kept him on his back while breaking through his hectic defenses and squeezing his sides viciously. 

George kicked and wiggled and squealed for his life, laughing so much that Andrew couldn’t help but laugh along. They hadn’t played around like that for what seemed like two years now. Ever since they’d gotten famous. For the first time in a long time now Andrew felt like he was on the same level as his best friend again. It felt like they were just two boys who had been friends since childhood and therefore knew each other like brothers. Laughing this outgoingly together set something free in Andrew again and he realized he hadn’t been himself for longer than he’d liked to admit. The sight of George choking on his giggles, his eyes squeezed shut from the sensations of the ticklish torture as he twisted his head around in the grass - for once not caring that it would get messed up in the process - shot a bang of love through Andrew’s chest and he didn’t feel like stopping any time soon. 

“What did you say about my hair, George?” He asked teasingly, as he wrestled George’s arms to the ground, basking in his terrified squeaks as he managed to pin them down with a single hand. 

“NO ANDY!” George kept kicking and laughing and tearing at his pinned wrists as Andrew evilly wiggled the fingers of his free hand around in front of George’s face. “PLEASE DON’T!!” 

“I just asked you a simple question, my cherished friend.” Andrew grinned as George squealed in fear when he lowered his hand in the direction of his ribs. He hadn’t had that much fun when he got wasted out of his mind the nights before. This was a whole different level and he only realized now how much he’d missed the fun he’d always had with George. 

“Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” Andrew poked George’s exposed ribs and chuckled when it caused a breathless fit of high-pitched giggles. George’s eyes were squeezed together tightly as a sort of defense against the unbearable feeling of getting tickled that way. 

“PLEHEHEHEASE STOP!!” 

“I’m barely touching you.” Andrew smirked, loving the way George’s laughter showed off his singing talent. “You know this is great training for your next Careless Whisper, don’t you agree? Some Careless Laughter maybe?” 

Andrew enjoyed George’s strong reaction to having his ribs and sides poked relentlessly, the way he tried to keep his giggles at bay and failed miserably. He shook his head wildly, his bond locks flying as he could barely form any coherent words through his laughter. “ANDY! I CAN’T TAHAKE IT! PLEASE STOHOHOP!!” 

“No, you know it looks like you’re having an awful lot of fun.” Andrew said matter of factly and started wiggling his fingers into George’s ribs, chuckling at the immediate booming laughter the touch evoked. 

“I’M DIHIHIYNG!” George got out dramatically after taking a deep breath to fuel even more laughter. “PLEHEHEASE, ANDY, YOU’RE KILLING MEHEHE!” 

George changed pitch when Andrew’s tickling fingers reached his armpit, making George reach the full capacity of his voice. 

“Oh, right, this is a killer spot. I totally forgot. I’m so glad we talked, George. This is really important information.” 

George could only shake his head and laugh on as Andrew exploited the ticklish spot a while longer, before deciding that maybe he could show a bit of mercy. He smirked and kept on tickling, as he asked: “Now, are you taking back what you said about my hair?” 

“Yes!! YES!! I TAKE IT BAHACK!! STOP PLEHEHEASE!” 

Andrew chuckled and let go off George’s arms, leaving him more of a chance of self-defence as he sneakily took his chance to attack both of his sides at the same time, leading to George continuing his laughter with a very accusing sound to it. He twisted around on the grass and tried to tear Andrew’s hands away from his sides. “NO STOHOP STOP!! I TOOK IT BACK!!” 

Andrew laughed when George managed to roll out from underneath him and held his hands up in defense, panting with red cheeks and glaring despite the huge smile on his face. 

“I know you didn’t really take it back. You only wanted me to stop tickling you.” 

“OBVIOUSLY!” 

With a wave of his hand Andrew gave George a sign that he wouldn’t attack again, as he put his hands up on his knees, bent over, slightly out of breath himself. George sat up and immediately tried to tame his wild hair, groaning and panting and trying to seem somewhat fed up with Andrew. It didn’t work at all. There was no way George could have managed to stop grinning. 

“You had fun!” Andrew stated, laughing and pointing at George’s face.

“I did not!” 

“Yes, you did!” 

“Ugh.” With a groan George lay back down in the grass and huffed some strands of hair out of his forehead. He twitched away, when Andrew threw himself down beside him, making Andrew laugh again as he innocently held up his hands. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve had my revenge. Seriously an outrageous insult though!” Andrew pulled at his colored strands of hair and held them in the sunlight, his shoulder touching George’s again as they stared at the cloudless sky and tried to regain a normal breathing pattern.

“You sound like a little girl when you giggle like that.” 

“Shut up, Andrew!” George said without any real vigor behind it as he crossed his hands over his stomach and listened to Andrew rambling out a few more insults, thoughts and ideas for the album. He was glad to have him back. 

---------

So I’m tagging @heysucker1963​ and @captainkrakenandtheaquanauts​ because you guys kindly showed some interest in this fanfiction and if you want to let me know if you want more / if you liked it, I would gladly oblige. ;) Absolutely no pressure though if you don’t want to read it after all!! Also if you want to listen to George laughing really carelessly, check this out, I tend to melt when it comes to 5:47. Cuuuute. 

[chargetheintruder]

Understand something.

I am around and have been paying attention.  Not as closely as I should maybe--I am trying to stay sane here and not give in to my Call of the Void any more than what’s strictly necessary.  But I am aware of the tragedy going on here in this weak-ass, sellout Congress. In short: Bitch McConnell and his Traitor Party ilk all need to die.  No question, it’s been the case since January 6th, 2021.  But ALSO?  Joe “Bum-Ass on a Houseboat” Manchin and Kyrsten “Myxtlplktlk” Sinema both have earned a perdition of their own.  Their repeated and flagrantly whorish betrayals of the American people have earned them their own store-brand _Saw_ traps as well.

No, really, their behavior defies all logic and all humanity in this context, of this pandemic that attacked the whole world.  There’s no explanation of Manchin’s and Sinema’s conduct that is both accurate, and that doesn’t encompass willful greed, malice and corruption.  They deserve to have brick-bats and rotten tomatoes thrown at them day and night for the rest of their lives, and then when they’re dead their graves need to be public toilets to be shat upon and within by every passing humanoid ever.

In essence, America needed to change for the better, do more for her people, and recover from 40 years of Reaganism and naked sabotage of the nation by globalists.  We needed to do this and those two filthy sons of bitches didn’t allow it, by virtue of being trapped in an entitled past, and having too much Republican Traitor Party Money shoved up their muppet asses sideways.

You watch, now the Biden Presidency will be condemned much as the Obama one was: for being all promises and a rancid pile of naked Do-Nothing-ism, and selling out to Republican TRAITORS yet again.  And all I have to say about that is:  never ever EVER forgive Manchin or Sinema this.  Ever.  Torture them until they fucking die and until Satan takes those two back home.

Because it’s entitled, sold-out whores like them, that insure that too many of us are in abject poverty, and/or shackled to a shit-labor job, living in fear of that poverty (and also of being replaced by the latest Incoherent Pet Immigrant). 

This is the Season of the Witch and if we don’t, somehow, have the blind raging hatred NOW, that we should have had in January after the 6th, then I seriously have to question how many of you still have a pulse.  No really, if we had went down everyone’s throat SCREAMING all the time in January nobody would be fucking around with their do-nothing-ism today, I can tell you that much.  We’d either be better off, or we’d be in prison, and people would HAVE TO acknowledge our humanity and human rights, at least.

But nah, ‘Muricah’s got to be All Plantation All The Fucking Time Until We Go Extinct, Ain’t That Right?  You’ll pardon the Southern Caps, I’m that fed up.

[crassussativum]

Day 7: Scanner

Sentinel: The Estate of the Primarch, Palaven

Bent forward over the hood of the car with his omnitool up and scanning the engine, Mavic playfully ignored Cicero trying to climb up his back and onto his shoulders. The little boy was squirming like a fish on a hook, digging his talons and toes into every spot they fit. All the damn sensitive spots and a few ticklish ones until Mavic couldn’t pretend he didn’t know he was there anymore.

“Okay, okay now.” He laughed and pulled the little thing off his shoulders, set him down on the floor. “Whatcha buggin’ me for, lil’ prince?”

Cicero gave him a big toothy smile and happy chirp. Wanna play with you.

“With me, huh?” He scratched a little at one of his mandibles. All three kids had really seemed to take to him in the last few months, but they didn’t usually come to him for play time. It made him a little nervous when they did, he didn’t know how to play with kids, and he typically sent them in search of their father. “Well, I’m workin’ on your dad’s car right this sec.”

Those little -but too big for his face- mandibles fell loose. Everyone’s busy, he trilled. 

Yeah, Mavic could see that. Crass and Cato were getting ready to head to the Citadel for a couple days for an art thing that kid was real interested in. He figured Ignatius and the Primarch were organizing things for that to go down safely. Eros was probably at the Temple again and Marcian was-

“Where’s your other half?” Mavic asked.

He’s in the garden. Cicero sounded, scuffing one of his feet on the floor.

“Ah,” He hummed, nodding his head. “And you still can’t be in the garden ‘til you stop diggin’ up the flowers, huh?”

The little boy huffed and flared his mandibles at him.

Mavic snorted a laugh. He used to dig up his mom’s garden too, of course her’s hadn’t been near as expensive or extensive or important as the estate gardens. He couldn’t blame the groundskeeper or the Primarch being upset about the whole thing, his mom likely would’ve shat a brick if he’d brought her a fistful of six-thousand-credit flowers. “Looks like you are stuck with me then, lil’ prince.”

Yeah? Cicero tested a smile.

“Reckon so,” Mavic gave him a long, exaggerated sigh. “But I can’t play just yet. I’m almost done though.”

What were you doing? The boy stood on his toes to peak under the car’s hood.

Mavic picked him up and sat him comfortably across his shoulders since he’d been trying to get up there anyway. Thank the Spirits the boy was so small and light or he’d never be able to. “I was checkin’ out the engine,” He said, pointing to it and showing Cicero the scans on his omnitool. “It was runnin’ a lil’ hot the last time we went out. Chuggin’ some. I could feel it when we hit the speed limit.”

Cicero wiggled about some and held on to his fringe. Okay? What’s that mean?

“Means there might be a problem.” He said. “Means I should fix it. I like to fix things. That’s how I have some fun, y’know?”

The boy patted at his fringe and kicked his feet a little. Can you teach me how, too?

Mavic grinned, excited and proud. “I’d love to teach you.”