#brian the beautiful human that you are. I am so glad he asked them to do this.

[guardian-angle22]

911: Lone Star | S1E1 -> S5E11

[dailyaudiobible]

06/08/2023 DAB Transcript

2 Samuel 22:1-23:23, Acts 2:1-47, Psalms 122:1-9, Proverbs 16:19-20

Today is the 8th day of June welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is…it is a delight to be here with you today as we gather again around the Global Campfire. It’s a special day of memory for me today. Today was my mom's birthday and she has been gone for several years now. Both of my parents are. But when these days come around each year, certainly those of us who have lost somebody along the way, they come to mind. And, so, she is certainly on my mind today. I miss my mom very, very, very, very much. I also believe she is very, very, very whole, and very, very happy. And I'm glad that we are here and that we have gathered yet again to take the next step forward together each and every day as we continue to immerse ourselves in the story of the Scriptures, and that will lead us back into the book that…well…we’re kind of moving into books in both old and new Testaments. But we’re in the book of first Kings now. We experienced the death of King David yesterday. His son Solomon is now on the throne in his place. Solomon’s had a little bit of drama in the transition, but Solomon is now firmly established as the King of all Israel. And, so, now we turn our focus onto Solomon's reign as we move through first Kings. Today chapter 3 verse 3 through 4 verse 34.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in first Kings today Solomon has consolidated his power. He is in firm control of the kingdom of Israel. He is on…he is on the throne of his father David and things are beginning to prosper and Solomon does something that is certainly famous, but he does something that is certainly necessary, he goes before the Lord and certainly offers sacrifices but praise to God, puts himself before the Lord, sits before the Lord, opens himself before the Lord, and the Lord comes to him and…and says, ask anything. What do you request? And that's when we see the character of Solomon beginning to rise and emerge because he can ask for anything, that his enemies be destroyed, that he live twice as long as anybody else, that…that is people are at peace and prosperous, any…anything that he wants to ask. And he asks for wisdom and discernment. He confesses before the Lord, that he knows where he's at, that he is the king of Israel sitting on the throne of his father. So, he gets it. He gets where his position is, but he also sees his own deficits and inadequacies to do this job. It's too big for him. It's bigger than he is. It's bigger than anyone can be. And, so, he asks God to help them administer justice, to have wisdom as he stewards the people of God. And God tells Solomon, that because this is what he seeks that he will have that and he will have all of the things that he could've named that he didn't name. And, so, this is certainly a beautiful picture. If we want to apply this to our lives, we all have stewardship over something. May…maybe the only thing we’re stewarding right now is our sock drawer or maybe we are stewarding human beings in the form of our children or maybe we lead an organization or a department and there are hundreds of people that we are responsible for, at least for their output and work. So, in one way or another we have stewardship at a certain level in our lives. And we spend a lot of our lives trying to figure out how to make it work when this example from Solomon is maybe the right example, understanding that life is too big for us to manage and life is moving too fast for anybody to manage and maybe what we actually need is a discerning heart full of wisdom so that we are able to differentiate between the things that are just going to take life from us and take an enormous amount of energy, things we don't even belong spending time on so that were focusing on the things that were stewarding.

Then we move into the book of Acts today and we see the further…the furtherance of the emerging church in the first century around Jerusalem as people are flocking to this message of Jesus and people are being cared for in certain ways in. And that's causing some conflict. We have these Hellenistic Jews, so, like Jews of Greek origin, and then we have these Hebraic Jews who consider themselves ethnically more true to what a Jew is and it seems that the widows are being cared for in different ways. So, lest we read the book of Acts as this glorious moment, it is a glorious moment. It wasn't a perfect moment. People were involved. And, so, it’s an imperfect moment. So, we see these things beginning to crop up in the early church where people have to sort of figure out and discern and understand like the way forward. And that leads us to what we now know as the diaconate as deacons. This is where we get this deacon. Helpers were appointed today to distribute food and to care for the people so that the apostles could focus their attention on hearing from the Holy Spirit and being out sharing the good news. And, so, we see helpers coming in that are appointed to serve God's people. And we met somebody today that was one of those appointees named Stephen. We’re gonna have a minute with Stephen over these next couple of days. So, he is doing what he was appointed to do. He is full of the Holy Spirit. He is well respected. These things we get from the book of Acts. But he does engage in these kind of theological sparring matches with other people and a plot is hatched against Stephen to drag him before the high council because of the things that he is saying. So, basically where we sit at the moment is that this new appointed helper, Stephen, who is in good devout person is being accused of grievous things like blasphemy. And we haven't gotten to hear Stephen defend himself. That's where we’re going. Stephen is going to have an opportunity to say his piece and that's an important piece for us at this point in the New Testament because what Stephen has to do is convince the council that he truly is Hebrew, that he truly does understand the Hebrew story and the Hebrew context and that this Jesus is part of that Hebrew context. And, so, as he shares his testimony, we will be reviewing in pretty fast motion all of the stories that we have been working our way through since the beginning of the year. And, so, that testimony is coming out before us here in the next couple of days.

Prayer:

Father, we love You. We thank You for Your word. We thank You that we have the opportunity to have Your word freely and to pour over it and to allow it to speak into our lives and we thank You for the Global Campfire. We thank You that You have allowed us to live at a time on the earth where we can gather together no matter where we are geographically and the center ourselves in the Scriptures, allowing them to speak the world over and fall into our lives and transform us so that we might reveal Your kingdom wherever we may be. And, so, come Holy Spirit and plant what we’ve read into our lives we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

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And I was mentioning yesterday and I will…I’ll I will mention it while we have supplies. It is baseball season. It is ball cap season. So, we have these awesome Daily Audio Bible with these genuine leather imprint stamps on them with the Daily Audio Bible logo on them and we put them on sale. This is the season. And, so, at the Daily Audio Bible shop in the Lifestyle section you can find these. There’s…well...there are a couple of different varieties, a couple of different options including the…the special edition one that we have right now which has got like a camo version with a…with a leather patch on the front. It looks really sharp. Those will not last outside of this month; this will be the last month for the camo hats. They probably won't last through this month, but they won’t last beyond this month. So, those are available right now, like a spring sale. And, so, check them out while we have them.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if you find that the mission to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and that we come together as a community and allow that to speak into our lives, if that is life-giving to you then thank you deeply for your partnership as we move through the summer. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement there are number of ways. You can hit the Hotline button in the app. That's the little red button up at the top or there are a number of numbers. In the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to call. If you are in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 is the number to dial. And if you are in Australia or that part of the world 61-3-8820-5459 is the number to call.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Coming soon…

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

The shifting narrative of God’s interventism and how it reflects on the narrative on John

This post will ignore the issue authorial intent entirely because I can, but it’s also about authorial intent in a way, but I also don’t like to talk about things as happening “accidentally” because a) a serialized story like Supernatural, especially one that got renewed for much longer than anyone could possibly expect or hope in their wildest ambitions, structurally relies on serendipity, because that’s how stories work when they’re work in progress, b) a television show is an extremely multi-authored text and the chance that something happens out of the intent of any of the multiple layers of creators is kind of... statistically negligible. So, yeah, that’s my stance on the topic. Anyway.

The shifting narrative about God is simultaneously something that hangs on fortunate storytelling clicks on an essentially programmed narrative. At first, we don’t know where the fuck God is. Cas starts looking for him with little success. Raphael says he’s dead, Cas doesn’t believe it. Dean relates to his struggle because he knows the feeling of not knowing where the fuck your father is and going looking for him with little success, not knowing if he’s even alive. Then the theory that gets assumed as the truth is that God has left. He fucked off who knows where, who knows why, leaving his creation to struggle alone. Also essentially how Dean had felt after John had died; in that case there was guilt for his demon deal and everything, but the most cruel weight on Dean’s shoulder was that John left him alone to struggle with his devastatingly horrific instructions he doesn’t understand. The angels are also left with horrific instructions they don’t understand. No wonder Cas does his own ‘demon deal’ in season 6, as he desperately tries to do what he assumes his father wants from him, but he doesn’t actually know what that is.

“God has left” is maddening, and everyone is angry about it, but it has its own dignity. God has left us without clear instructions, we are confused and in pain and evil runs amock but at least, we suppose, the evil of it is our own doing. We are alone and we do our best, our best is simply not enough. We wish he gave us guidance, but he won’t. He wants us to figure it out ourselves, possibly. We don’t actually know what he wants. But maybe that’s the point. It’s possible he doesn’t even know what’s happening, he just has left the building entirely.

But then Chuck reveals himself. We find out that he never actually left. He was there. “I like front row seats. You know, I figured I’d hide out in plain sight”. He simply chooses not to intervene. He chooses not to answer. He chooses to be hands-off. He presents himself as a laissez-faire parent, because, he says, it’s better for his children to have the responsibility they need to grow up. He’s absent, but in a different way than we thought! It’s not that he doesn’t know what’s happening or isn’t interested in knowing what’s happening. He’s here, he knows what’s happening, he just stays there and watches as you stumble and struggle and scream. It’s worse, and it pains Dean so much he isn’t even afraid to yell at God. You know we’re suffering and you just don’t give us any support, any comfort.

You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on, real hands-on, for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created... would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. It’s enabling.

But it didn’t get better.

Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.

Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.

I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

At that point of the show, the writing team almost certainly didn’t have the s14-15 twist in mind. So this was probably intended to be Chuck’s truth. Later it gets twisted (retconned?) into a lie, but about that later.

Here, Chuck is really good at manipulating the conversation. Dean has a perfectly valid point, because there IS a middle ground between being overinvolved and not being involved at all. There is a middle ground between enabling your children and abandoning them completely. But Chuck hits Dean where it hurts, plays the emotional card, basically tells him that he’s too emotional to understand, too emotional to think rationally about it, because he mixes his feelings about his father to the issue and thus cannot see it clearly. He basically tells him he’s too close to it to get it. You don’t understand parenting, Dean, because you’re too blinded by your emotions about your own little life and cannot see the big picture.

It doesn’t really matter here if he’s telling the truth or lying, it already says a lot about Chuck that he’s emotionally manipulating Dean, silencing him by hitting the painful spot.

But the thing is, 11.20 immediately presents Chuck as a liar. He makes Metatron read his autobiography and the very first line is a lie (“In the beginning, there was me. Boom – detail. And what a grabber. I mean, I’m hooked, and I was there.” “I’m hooked too, and yet... details. You weren’t alone in the beginning. Your sister was with you.”) and the stuff he talks about his experience as Chuck is not exactly truthful about anything (“That, you know, makes you seem like a really grounded, likable person.” “Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” “You are neither grounded nor a person!”). Metatron calls him out (“Okay. There are two types of memoir. One is honest... the other, not so much. Truth and fairy tale. Now, do you want to write Life by Keith Richards? Or do you want to write Wouldn’t It Be Nice by Brian Wilson?”). Chuck SAYS he chooses truth and gives Metatron a different manuscript, supposedly containing the truth, to which Metatron reacts positively. Metatron believes it, and we believe it with him.

Oh! Oh, this! This is what I was talking about. Chapter Ten “Why I Never Answer Prayers, and You Should Be Glad I Don’t”, and Chapter Eleven “The Truth About Divine Intervention and Why I Avoid It At All Costs”.

Nature? Divine. Human nature – toxic.

They do like blowing stuff up.

Yeah. And the worst part – they do it in my name. And then they come crying to me, asking me to forgive, to fix things. Never taking any responsibility.

What about your responsibility?

I took responsibility... by leaving. At a certain point, training wheels got to come off. No one likes a helicopter parent.

This is sort of what he later says to Dean, except that to Dean he talks about “beautiful creatures” “my baby”, talks about helping, none of the harsh tone he’s using here. When Metatron accuses him of hiding from Amara, he retorts “I am not hiding. I am just done watching my experiments’ failures”. What a different language, uh? Then Metatron asks him why he abandoned them, and Chuck answers “Because you disappointed me. You all disappointed me”. Then, he admits he lied about “learning” to play the guitar and so on, because he just gave himself the ability, and then appears to Dean and Sam, after Metatron’s passionate speech about humanity.

So, no matter the authorial intent at the time - the truthiness of Chuck’s words was already ambiguous. He kept lying and being called out, or silencing the conversation with some good ol’ gaslighting.

The season 14 finale introduces the big twist: it was, indeed, all a lie. The whole of it. Chuck didn’t abandon shit. It was all him, minutely controlling the narrative of the universe, putting the characters through all the pain and struggles for his own amusement.

The “absent father” narrative was a lie.

What does this tell us about John? Nothing, according to the authorial intent that shines through Dabb’s Lebanon. But we don’t give a crap about Dabb’s authorial intent about John! He’s just one dude and plenty of other authors have painted a different picture. So I’m going to read the narrative the way I want, because I can, and the narrative allows me to. It’s all there.

I’m suggesting that the fact that Chuck lied when he talked about being a hands-off/absentee father parallels how Dean and Sam prefer to think of their father as an “absent father” when that’s not exactly a reflection of the truth.

You left us. Alone. ‘Cause Dad was just a shell. [...] And I-I had to be more than just a brother. I had to be a father and I had to be a mother, to keep him safe.

Setting aside how “I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” sort of retcons and cleans up the Winchester family picture painted by ealier seasons, the fact that John didn’t really count as a functional father figure and Dean and Sam were essentually alone is not incorrect or anything. It is true that John would leave them to their own devices a lot, thus the long stays in motels, the hunger, the food-stealing, and all. But John wasn’t always absent, at all. He trained them as soldiers, he disciplined them, he was around enough for them to be intimately familiar with what happened when he drank. He drove them around.

It’s almost like it’s preferable to Dean and Sam to spin their own “absent father” narrative, putting the accent on the time they spent alone, painting their childhood as a time they had to grow up on their own, rather than acknowledge they grew up under the thumb of a controlling, looming figure they would regularly live in fear of, even when he was not physically present.

The “absent father” narrative is what Dean and Sam need to use to avoid confronting the reality of the father figure whose moods and whims they had to dance around. “I know things got dicey... you know, with Dad... the way he was. And I just... I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should have. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, probably looked like I took his side quite a bit.”

John shaped their lives. He shaped their identities. Even in the episodes where he abandons Dean or both children somewhere, he’s portrayed as the figure who drives the car. He symbolically drives the car, you know? John shaped Dean and Sam’s relationship with each other, both on a surface level (the conflicts) and on a deeper level (the parental dynamic).

Heck. The entire first season of the show plays on John’s disappearance as the “elephant in the room”. John is there by not being there, you know? And after he dies, his death - his absence - is again the elephant in the room for Dean, the weight on his psyche that he shatters under.

It is not wrong that Dean and Sam had to spend long periods of time without John. But John structured their lives in quite minute detail. Where they needed to be, what they needed to do, what they must not do, everything had to follow John’s instructions. A drill sergeant, the narrative called him, ordering how his sons needed to live their lives. That’s no absence, except on a level where Chuck not showing himself and pretending he’s not there can be considered absent. That’s a presence, not necessarily always physical, but semiotical and psychological.

John is an absent father as much as Chuck is a hands-off god. He even writes himself into the story around the time Cas has the “season 1” phase (let’s go look for dad/let’s go look for god), which is when John actually was alive and appeared. Then he was no longer physically there, but he was still shaping his characters’ lives, just like he’d always done.

The “absent father” narrative on John is that - a narrative. Spun by the characters themselves because it’s easier and actually kinder on John. Or, better, it allows them not to be crushed by the psychological implications of having to accept that their father was such a looming, minutely formative figure in their lives. They know, but they can wave the “absent father” idea around to avoid thinking about it.

“I had to be a father and I had to be a mother” is something easier to tell yourself. I was the one who did it all. But he wasn’t, and that’s the problem. The fact that John was their father - Dean’s and Sam’s - is the problem. But ironically, blaming himself for every failure is a better option for Dean than fully acknowledging John’s abuse. As long as he blames himself, he has control over it. The moment he acknowledges the extent of John’s influence, he loses control over the entire narrative of his own identity and the family identity, the family dynamics. That’s scarier, just like realizing that God manipulated everything is much scarier than the alternative. “God abandoned us” was indeed a better option, and “John left us alone” was a better option. But neither was true, and the characters faced the implications of the cosmic level, but never got to face the implication of the familial level, because the narrative always danced around it and then Dabb’s apologist version “won”.

But what’s been put in the show is still there. The narrative of John’s abuse is still there. Nothing can take it out of the story.

[nervousmendes]

Drunken Haze | Shawn Mendes

Shawn x reader (smut)

a/n: this was a failed attempt at writing smut for the first time. (it's very mild, mostly just sexual tension and making out) do check out more of my work on my masterlist right here

summary: Shawn sees the reader at a bar and makes a move.

warnings: mild smut (making out) and very little swearing

Cez does his fair share of research when it comes to choosing a bar to spend the night at, and when you're in Paris (yes, with a French accent) it's totally worth it. Brian walked in first, Shawn and Cez not far behind. "Man I'm so getting shit-faced in here." he sighed as the three of them observed the fancy lights, furniture and wall hangings, taking in the scent of alcohol and cigerettes suspended in in the warm air of the closed space. Cez being the only bright one in the three, quickly spotted an empty booth in the lounge but Shawn's eyes fell straight on a blond haired women, her black dress hugging her hips so well and her toned legs crossed one over the other while she tipped her head back, letting the expensive wine in the glass she was holding flow into her system.

There was something about her that intrigued him. Maybe it was the confidence she radiated, the way she sat with her back poised, the way her silky hair flowed down her shoulders or maybe it had something to do with how her skin glowed in the dim lighting. He felt the urge to approach her, like she pulled him towards her. And it was as if his legs knew what his heart wanted when they started making calculated steps towards the bar counter that she was facing. His thoughts went every which way trying to figure out what to say as he took the stool exactly beside her's, completely ignoring the five (or more) empty stools on his other side.

"Hey." He internally patted himself on the back for sounding a lot more confident than he actually was.

"Do I know you?" Her face broke into a polite smile, and her thick french accent dripped with the words she spoke out of her red stained lips.

"Maybe?"

Too cocky.

"You don't give me a businessman vibe." She said looking at him from head to toe. Looking. She saw the black denim that covered his toned legs, his satin, white shirt that hugged his broad shoulders and the little scar on his cheek that gave his soft facial features a more rugged look. Shawn watched her keenly. His hand went to his hair, fingers pushing a stray curl out of his eye.

"What makes you think I'm a businessman?" He turned in his stool and rested his arm on the bar counter to make her shift her vision from his face to his forearm that flexed under the thin fabric.

"They're usually the cocky ones." He was searching for what to say slightly taken aback by the fact that someone found him cocky, considering that no one has ever called him that before, not in a bad way. He wasn't offended, just surprised. In fact he liked that the whole 'be confident' thing was working.

"But you seem nice, I'll give you that." She chuckled while twirling the empty wine glass in her small hand.

"Will you let me buy you your next drink?"

She considered it, and almost nodded yes for affirmation but then her brows drew in an L shape. "I think I've already had too much to drink." She was mentally trying to count how many times the bartender filled her glass with Chartreuse.

"So why don't you tell me your name, mysterious, handsome, American man?" She said leaning close to him. The already deep cut neck line of her dress plunged down even further, dangerously low, making Shawn draw in a sharp breath through his mouth.

"I love mysterious and handsome, but I'm actually Canadian." He narrowed his eyes at her with a smirk and she couldn't help but smile.

"And nice to meet you, I'm Shawn. Et toi?"

"I can tell you skipped your french classes often back in school." She broke into a chuckle, making Shawn grin right back at her, his face very close to hers.

"You know nothing about me, but I'm afraid this one's true." He whispered, his minty breath fanning her face. She laughed again while placing her hand on Shawn's toned bicep that was rested on the countertop.

"You're funny." Her gaze burned into him.

"I wasn't even trying." Liar.

"I'm guessing that's a lie." They never broke eye contact.

"For someone that guesses a lot, you're pretty accurate."

"You know nothing about me." She said just like he did a minute ago, her lips almost grazing his making sure to not touch them. What a tease.

"How about," the tips of his calloused fingers went to her bare shoulder, "I start with knowing what those pretty lips of yours taste like?" and stroked the soft, supple skin on her arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.

"That's a good start." She inched closer.

"So is that a yes?"

Instead of giving him an answer, she touched his lips with hers, hands going to either side of his neck. He covered her mouth with his, tasting the expensive alcohol she had been drinking all night. He nudged closer to get a better angle, his large hands taking purchase on her waist. Their tongues danced with each other's, deepening the kiss. He moaned under his breath when she licked the roof of his mouth, and he used that as an opportunity to suck on her lower lip. Her nails scratched his scalp, tangling her fingers in his long, soft curls and she quickly figured how much he liked it from the way he kissed her harder in response to tugging his hair. She broke the kiss for air, he assumed but then when he pulled her in again, she opened her mouth to speak.

"I live only ten minutes away, let's get out of here." She was breathing heavily. He nodded and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before getting off the stool and helping her down shortly after. He left a quick text to Brian asking them to carry on with whatever they were upto and rolled his eyes at Brian's response telling him to "not bust that nut too quick". They got in an Uber and sat beside each other, lips red and swollen, breath heavy, and their thoughts everywhere. They didn't say a word to each other. They didn't know what to say but they were both trying to reach out for some sort of connection. She cleared her throat in an attempt to gather the right words before she spoke. Her eyes were set on her hands that played with the hem of her dress.

"Is now a good time to tell you.." He looked up at her, signalling for her to go on. She gulped, "that I actually know who you are, and I acted like I didn't because I didn't want you think of me as someone who would see you as an object just because you're a celebrity." She made air quotes on the word 'celebrity', like it was such a weird thing to say, a word that gives a human, with a little fame they never knew was coming their way, the title of an object.

"That is the best decision you ever made. If I knew you knew I'm sure I wouldn't even have made a move. You have no idea how glad I am that you did that."

She finally dropped the hem of her dress and looked back at him through her long eyelashes. That was it, there was no holding back anymore. Shawn's lips crashed into hers and she kissed his mouth back with that much force, curling her fingers into the collar of his shirt. His one hand went around her waist, palm flat against the small of her back, and the other was tangled in her beautiful, blond locks.

Their lips didn't leave other's even while unlocking the door, and just like you see in the movies, they kissed their way into her bedroom until Shawn's legs hit the cot and his butt landed on the soft spring mattress of her bed. She kicked off her heels and threw one leg to his other side, her knees on either side of his legs, straddling him. His hands slid down from her waist to fill his palms with the flesh of her toned bum. He cooed as he kneaded them with every movement she made sitting right on top his hard-on that strained his tight denims. Shawn drew his lips away from her mouth to leave wet kisses down her jawline and along the expanse of her throat. He attached his lips to the spot under her ear and sucked on the skin there, causing a shivering moan to tumble down her plump lips. He explored her neck and her chest with his hungry lips, tasting the lavender flavour of the soap she lathered on herself earlier that evening. Somewhere along kissing and a lot of exploring later, all the clothing they helped each other get rid of were scattered on the floor, sweat covered bodies moulding and crashing to give each other the climax they longed for.

(I cannot write smut for shit so I cut the crap out and got to the point.)

She woke up to the warmth of the sun shining on her golden skin through the half drawn blinds, feeling a mild headache from all that she had to drink the previous night. That's when she remembered him. She jutted her head out of her pillow to see that his clothes weren't on the floor anymore. She shifted under the sheets to find an empty bed beside her and a post it note neatly placed in the centre, exactly where he slept. She took it in her hand, squinting until she could read what it said.

Sorry, I left without saying goodbye. I'm playing a show today and I have to be there early. Last night was really fun. x

- S.M

Her lips formed a shy smile and her cheeks were tinged a shade of red as she recollected the events of last night. She folded the piece of paper in her hand contemplating whether she had to throw it or save it. She looked down at it one more time, and that's when she noticed that something was written on the other side. She turned the post-it around, to find a phone number written on it and under it he'd written, "maybe I'm glad I didn't say goodbye".

She laughed to herself, carefully placing the paper in her journal, already excited by the idea of seeing him again. She met Shawn less than twenty four hours ago and hardly knew anything about him, but there something about him that drew her in, made her want to get to know him better and of course feel that pretty mouth of his between her legs once again.

_______________________________________________

I'm thinking maybe I'll do a part 2 to this so let me know what you think. Hope you liked this one. Reply to this or leave me a message if you want to get added to my taglist!!

[schrijverr]

Love makes blind

Chapter 2 out of 4

Jonny gets headaches, when the others find out it leads to the revelation that he actually needs glasses. Through the whole process, he and Tim grow closer as xe is there for Jonny.

Getting together, slow burn.

On AO3.

Ships: Jonny d’Ville x Gunpowder Tim

Warnings: Jonnys low self esteem. Tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag something!

A/N: Tim uses xe/xem/xyr pronouns, I myself don’t so if I mess up, I apologize and please point it out to me :)

~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t forever, but the next conscious thought Tim had was waking up and the distinct feeling time had passed. Xe did not want to wake up though, xe was warm and comfortable, so xe burrowed xyr face into the warmth and groaned.

Above xem someone laughed and there were vibrations in the chest Tim was using as pillow. Wait, chest? Xe shot up and found xyrself hanging over Jonny, hands on both sides of his body.

He looked livelier than yesterday, however that wasn’t been very difficult with how he’d been. His eyes were still a bit red, but overall he looked good. Tim swallowed, before xe asked: “How do you feel?”

“Good, better.” Jonny answered.

Tim lit up with his voice, glad that Jonny wasn’t too overwhelmed to speak anymore, and said: “I’m glad.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Jonny groused, “I was fine. No need to make a big deal out of it.”

That sobered Tim up a bit and xe frowned: “Jonny,” xe waited until he looked at xem, “you scared me yesterday, don’t say you were fine. It’s okay that you weren’t, but you don’t have to keep on a strong facade.”

It seemed Jonnys resolve was crumbling, but he still weakly tried: “Nothing I haven’t dealt with before, no need to worry.”

“You know, that is not as comforting as you think.” Tim told him raising a brow at him, “It’s actually quite the opposite, you dealing with that on your own, why?”

Tears gathered in Jonnys eyes and he tried to blink them away, he shrugged weakly, he didn’t really have the energy to deal with this. His headache was gone, but he didn’t feel very rested and Tim looked so beautiful and concerned as xe leaned over him.

“You don’t know why or you don’t want to tell me?” god, Tim had always been too good at reading him.

“It’s stupid.” he mumbled.

“Why is that?” Tim asked and Jonny wondered if xe knew how pretty xe looked with xyr hair falling like a curtain xyr face, making a little bubble around them.

His heart ached with how much he wanted to pull xyr close and a sudden realization came over him as he remembered why he wanted to shoot again in the first place: impressing Tim.

Sure, when he found out it wasn’t working like he thought, he’d spiraled into obsession born out of fear of being incapable and not enough, but he felt like that most of the time, but the impressing Tim part had been new.

He blinked and a tear slowly slid over his face as he whispered: “I didn’t want you all to find out.”

His lip wobbled with the confession and Tim could only watch as his face crumbled again, still unable to do something about it and feeling like xe caused it.

Xe gathered Jonny back into xyr arms and leaned back on xyr knees, taking Jonny with xem as xe rocked him back and forth. Tim shushed and soothed him: “Hey, it’s alright, it’s all good. Just let it out.”

After a few seconds Jonny gasped: “No, no, it’s not.”

The hand that was rubbing his back stilled and Tim leaned back to look at him, a frown on xyr face: “Why is it not okay, Jonny?”

Xyr face was so open and honest that Jonny couldn't help but say: “It’s just not okay that I can’t seem to shoot right, so I can’t protect anyone and it all hurts and I can’t even do anything right without messing up and it’s all stupid.”

He was blubbering at the end, new tears flowing over tracks that hadn’t had the chance to dry. Tim held him close to xyr chest again, as xe tried to process everything Jonny had blurted out.

It was obvious that he was blaming himself, but it hadn’t seemed connected to the headaches, which what xe had asked about. Xe did have something to ask about now, however: “Can you tell me how your aim is connected to the headaches?”

Jonny took a few shuddering breaths against the crook of xyr neck, where he had hidden his face away, then he just gave himself over to telling Tim everything as he said: “The headaches got worse when I tried to shoot well again. I should be able to shoot well, but it’s gone now and whenever I try the concentrating hurts, but I need to shoot well.”

Tim frowned, that should not happen, at least xe thought it shouldn’t, but xe was not the best expert on normal human eyes, so xe focused on the last part: “You don’t have to shoot well, love.”

The pet name had just slipped out accidentally, but Jonny didn’t seem to mind, just burrowing his face further into xyr neck as he said: “Yes, I have. What if you’re all in danger and I need to shoot someone, but I miss and you all get hurt?”

“We’ll heal, we’re tougher than we look.” a hint of a smile crept into xyr voice.

“But what if it’s not enough, I can’t- I can’t loose you.” Jonnys voice cracked and Tim could feel xyr heart break a little for the First Mate.

Jonny sobbed against xyr again and xe resumed rubbing his back and rocking him back and forth as xe soothed him: “It will be enough, don’t worry. You’re not going to loose us, I promise, alright, I pinky-promise. I’m sure that with Brians knowledge, Ivys library and Raphs science we can make the headaches go away and get you to shoot again.”

“You really think so?” his voice was fragile, but hopeful.

“I know so.” Tim promised, hoping xe wouldn't have to break it.

Jonny sniffled a bit more, but the crying had stopped and he didn’t fight it when Tim pried him out of the crook of xyr neck and cradled his cheeks between xyr hands as xe wiped the tears away, smearing Jonnys run down make up in the process.

When xe was done they stared each other in the eyes, before both blushed as they realized that Jonny was practically straddling Tim and hanging off xem like a koala. Jonny let go if burned, but hadn’t realized that he was in an unstable position, only held upright by the arms around Tims neck, and toppled over backwards.

Blinking a few times he looked up at Tim, who was now kneeling between his spread legs. Both scrambled backwards until they were sitting on opposite sides of the bed.

Tim cleared xyr throat: “Well, uhm, sorry, didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Lets- lets just look for some people who can help, alright?”

Xe got up, not daring to look Jonny in the eyes as xe waited for Jonny to follow and tell xem to forget all this ever happened.

Instead Jonny whispered: “You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

Looking back xe saw Jonny, brow furrowed as he looked intensely to the bed, his cheeks were gray with ruined make up and he looked scared but also determined. He looked back up and stated: “You didn’t make me uncomfortable. Thank you for being here.”

Wordlessly Tim stared at him while the words hung heavy in the air around them. Slowly xe said: “What?”

Jonny took a deep breath: “I said thank you for being here, it was nice that you cared enough to help me with my headache and then my breakdown, I didn’t mean to put all of that on you, but thank you for staying anyway. Now, please listen, because I don’t think I am physically capable of saying all of this again.”

It was quiet again as Tim went through the words again, then xe smiled: “No problem, Jonny. You didn’t dump anything on me.” a beat of silence, “And of course I care.”

“What?” Jonny looked startled.

“Of course I care enough to help you, why would you think I didn’t?” Tim asked.

Helplessly Jonny shrugged, before he explained like it was obvious: “I’m annoying and the reason you’re here and you hate me?”

Tim opened and closed xyr mouth in shock a few times, then loudly exclaimed: “I don’t hate you, what the fuck!”

“You don’t?” Jonny asked, just as shocked and confused as xe felt.

“No.” Tim said, “You’re my best friend.”

“I am?”

“Yes, of course you are.” Tim told him, “Didn’t- didn’t you know that?”

“Uh, no,” Jonny scratched the back of his head then quickly added, “but that’s not your fault. Nastya always says I’m socially oblivious and a doom-thinker with no concept of self-esteem. Her words.”

“Oh, Jonny.” xe sighed.

“Sorry?”

“Not sorry, you idiot.” Tim told him, walking back to the bed to give him a big hug, “I should’ve been clearer.”

Jonny swallowed and hugged xem back. He softly asked: “Why are you always trying to be better than me? Just confused if we’re friends.”

“Uh,” xe knew that xe had been showing off, trying to get Jonnys attention all on xem at every chance, because it was intoxicating to have, “Just the dynamic between us, I guess.”

“Hmm.” Jonny hummed, “Can we find a new dynamic? One where we don’t fight so much?”

“Course.” Tim said as xe let go, xe gave Jonny a look and commented: “You’re softer than normal, it suits you.”

Xe wanted to hit xyrself for that, but it was too late, the words were already out xyr mouth.

Jonny in turn just looked startled for a moment, then blushed heavily. Tim remember xe’d thought xe’d seen Jonny blush last night, now that didn’t seem so strange anymore. Jonny shrugged: “Doesn’t seem worth the effort to look tough when I just cried into your neck.”

Tim chuckled at that and after a moment Jonny chuckled too and soon they were giggling on the bed together at the weirdness of it all.

When the giggling had died out, Tim turned to Jonny and said: “You don’t have to pretend with me, okay?”

“You don’t either.” Jonny told xem.

For a moment they stared at each other. Time seemed to stretch out, until Jonny couldn't take it anymore and blinked as he cleared his throat, before he got up and said: “Well, we got people to find.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Tim said, quickly following him as xe tried to burn the memories of Jonny in xyr arms, Jonny looking at xem like that and Jonny giggling, into xyr mind to treasure forever.

Jonny cleaned up his face before they went back to the common area, maybe walking a bit closer than before the whole thing.

When they entered Ashes and Brian shot up and Nastya turned around to look at them. Jonny ducked his head in shame and hid slightly behind Tim.

“How are you feeling, Jonny?” Brian asked kindly.

“Uh, better, no headache anymore, still a bit tired.” Jonny answered.

“Good, I’m glad. You scared us.” Brain told him.

Jonny bit his lip, then softly apologized. Ashes wasn’t having any of it, they just said: “No need for that. Just tell us what the hell happened. You were just being yourself, albeit a bit more prickly and then suddenly you were down.”

Tim could see Jonny wasn’t about to answer that, so xe jumped in: “Jonny got a headache. He has them a lot, but was hiding them from us like a idiot, but him falling was nothing more than him getting overwhelmed.”

“Snitch.” Jonny glared at xem.

Dramatically putting an arm around him, xe replied with an obnoxiously posh accent: “Here to help, darling.”

Jonny shoved xem off, but he was smiling again. Nastya raised a brow at him and commented: “You two are friendly.”

They both got a bit red, then Jonny said: “So maybe you were right and xe didn’t hate me, but that doesn’t mean you get to be smug about it.”

“Yeah, we’re friends.” Tim added.

It seemed like xe’d cut Nastya off, who had been about to make a comment, but instead frowned and asked: “Friends?”

“Yes, Nastya, do keep up.” Jonny told her.

Getting back on topic Tim said: “Anyway, Jonny thinks the headaches have something to do with concentrating on stuff or something, so I thought maybe one of the crew would know something about that.”

Xe gave Brian a look, who pointed at himself surprised as Tim nodded, then he said: “Uh, could be something with your eyes, but Raphaella would know more about that.”

“Then we’ll go to her.” Tim said brightly, already pulling Jonny along.

Tim didn’t check to see who followed, but everyone was there when they arrived at Raphaellas lab, slamming the door open, startling her enough to make her drop a substance that ate through her desk.

She ignored it in order to wave at them with a smile as she asked: “What are you all doing here? Not that it isn’t a welcome surprise.”

Jonny got pushed forward by Tim as xe explained: “Jonny gets headaches from concentrating on stuff. Do you know how we can fix it?”

“I could’ve said that myself.” Jonny grumbled, getting ignored.

Raphaella walked up to Jonny and pulled him towards an examination table where she inspected his face carefully. She asked: “When do they happen the most?”

“Uhm, they started getting worse when I tried to focus on something far away a lot.” Jonny told her.

She brightened up and ran off to pull up a chart with rows of rings from big to small with openings at different places. She pointed at a top one and asked: “Where’s the opening?”

“Left.” Jonny answered, “Why are we doing this?”

“Just humor me.” she replied.

Jonny didn’t seem to have figured out what he was looking at, never having seen a proper doctors office in his life, but it dawned on the others what was happening here. An eye test. With big eyes they followed the proceedings.

They were on the fourth row when Jonny angrily exclaimed: “How is anyone supposed to see that shit. I don’t fucking know, okay. Happy? Can someone please explain why the hell I’m even doing this.”

“It’s an eye test, idiot.” Ashes told him from where they were standing next to him, “And I can see all the rows perfectly.”

“What! No?” Jonny said, leaning forwards and looking at the chart again, “No.”

“That could be the reason the headaches.” Raphaella explained, “Your brain needs to make too much of an effort to see everything and the strain outs itself in headaches. The more you try to see, the more you strain, the more headaches you have.”

“But I’ve never had any problems with my sight.” Jonny sounded a bit scared.

“Head trauma can also cause loss in eyesight.” Raphaella told him gently in an attempt to calm him.

“What about my mechanism? Shouldn’t it heal that?” the calming had not helped him.

Raphaella thought for a second, then lit up as she got the answer and proudly stated: “It’s probably that it was a design flaw. You lost your sight a bit, but Nastya already had glasses and with Brian it wasn’t an issue, same goes for Ivy, you know hard to have brain damage there, and by the time Ashes got mechanized Carmilla had gotten the flaw ironed out and it wasn’t an issue anymore.”

Jonny gaped for a second, then seethed: “That bitch! I told her my aim was shittier and she said it was nothing, that I’d just gotten lazy.”

“Hey, hey, Jonny, calm down.” Tim put a hand on his shoulder, “We know, she sucks, nothing to do there, but at least we can fix it.”

“I’m not wearing glasses.” Jonny huffed.

“Why not? Do you think they’re stupid?” Nastya said in a dangerous tone.

Jonny swallowed: “No, of course not. Just completely inconvenient.” and an obvious weakness he added mentally.

“Do it for us.” Tim blurted out.

“What?” Jonny asked and xe got looks from the others as well.

“If you wear the glasses, you won’t have headaches anymore. I don’t want you to have the headaches. If they’re as bad as the one from yesterday, I don’t want you to have them anymore. So even if you hate them, wear them for us.” xe explained.

It was quiet as Jonny thought it over.

On one hand he really wanted to make Tim and the others happy and wearing the glasses would make them happy, he also would be able to shoot properly again, but on the other hand he already was a stupid little asshole and the glasses would just highlight another place where he wasn’t good enough.

Apparently he’d been quiet for too long, because Tim softly asked: “Jonny?”

“Nothing.” he answered, gesturing vaguely, “It’s just- it’s just- you know?”

“I know it must suck.” Tim smiled gently, “But it’ll help. You’ll have to get used to it, but you will be optimally functional again.”

He supposed the pros outweighed the cons, especially if he would make Tim happy and be able to see xem better again. He sighed and agreed: “Fine, get me the stupid glasses.”

Raphaella dragged him off to do more tests to get the perfect glasses, while the others slowly left the room until it was just him, Raphaella and Tim. He was glad Tim hadn’t left him.

“Alright, I can have them in a few hours, though if you want different frames than these ones you will have to wait until we’re planetside again.” she held up a pair of golden wire frames, with slightly big round lenses.

“Try them on for a sec, I’ll tell you how stupid you look on a scale of one to ten.” Tim encouraged him teasingly, “Promise not to lie.”

He rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help but humor xem, so he put on the glasses and looked at Tim and did a flourish: “So, how do I look?”

Jonny looked absolutely adorable. The glasses highlighted the soft features in his face and made his eyes seem bigger. Tim felt xyrself flush, xe would have to make a serious effort to talk to Jonny if that was what he was going to look like from now.

“That stupid, eh.” Jon laughed self deprecatingly, taking Tims silence for disapproval.

“No!” Tim stopped him from taking the glasses off, a bit calmer xe said: “No, you look- you look great, it suits you.”

Xe got a skeptical look, but Jonny shrugged and told Raphaella: “These have been Tim approved, apparently, so I guess they’re fine.”

“I think they look nice too, Jonny.” she told him, taking the frames back, “I’ll come find you when they’re done, okay?”

“Alright, thank you, Raph.” Jonny sighed, as he followed Tim back out of the lab.

When they were in the hallway, Tim asked: “Are you really okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” he didn’t seem convinced of his own answer and realized xe wasn’t either, so he shrugged: “Just another part where I went wrong.”

“Hey, you don’t get to be mean to Jonny, he’s my friend.” Tim told him. Xe was glad that Jonny laughed at the comment, then xe went on: “Seriously, though, needing glasses isn’t a weakness. It happens, Nastya has glasses, she’s not weak, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose, but she also has a lot of good points.” Jonny sounded so resigned and sad.

Tim stopped and grabbed Jonny. Xe looked him in the eyes and said: “You have a lot of good qualities. I never said this, because I thought there was no need to feed your massive ego, but it seems your ego is starving.”

“What are you going on about?”

“You’re a great person. You have many good points. You make sure everyone is alright in your own way and make sure everyone is happy. You’re the one keeping us together, everybody loves you, okay. Don’t get it into your pretty little head that you’re not, okay, cause you are.” Tim ranted at him.

It was quiet as Jonny blinked a few moments, then he nodded and said: “I’ll try?”

Not what Tim was hoping for, but good enough. Xe nodded back: “Good, I’ll make sure you won’t forget.”

They looked at each other for a second, then awkwardly coughed, before silently walking to the common area, to wait till Raphaella was done.

It wasn’t until dinner that they saw her again. In her hand she had the glasses and she proudly presented them to Jonny, who shrunk under everyone's eyes as he took them form her.

“Since when does Jonny have glasses?” Marius asked.

“Since today.” Nastya told him, “The idiot hadn’t realized he needed them.”

“Not an idiot.” Jonny grumbled, putting the glasses on the table.

“Oh come on, you’re not gonna try them on? I want to see if I got them right, come on, come on, please.” Raphaella said.

Jonny groaned, but still put on the glasses. He turned to everyone and said: “You get two minutes to laugh at me, then I’m murdering anyone who does.”

“What? Why would we laugh?” Brian asked, “They suit you.”

“Are you sure you’re not able to lie?” Jonny sounded suspicious.

Brian showed him the switch and smiled: “The glasses look good on y-”

“Holy fuck!” Jonny shouted cutting him off, “I can see your switch from here!”

He looked around the room with wide eyes of wonder, taking the time to look at everyone, sometimes shaking his head and looking again.

It was utterly endearing.

Then he looked up and gasped: “Did y’all know Aurora has panels on her ceilings as well?”

“Yes, yes, we did, Jonny.” Ashes smiled at him.

“Ahw, you’re so cute.” Marius told him.

Jonny flushed bright red and Tim suddenly wondered how xe though Jonny never blushed, when he blushed so easily and beautifully. Xe resolved to complement him more, just to see it.

Xe was pulled out of xyr musings with Marius falling over after Jonny had shoved him with a: “Don’t mock me, von Raum.”

“I’m not.” he exclaimed from the floor, “You look adorable when you look around like that. Like you’re discovering the world for the first time again.”

“Shut up and eat.” Jonny groused, not looking at any of them and stabbing his food harshly.

The others were smart enough to drop it and soon conversations had drifted elsewhere. Although Tim couldn't help but notice Jonny looking at stuff and grinning like a maniac to himself from time to time.

After that things went back to normal, only Jonny had glasses this time and xe and Jonny actually spend time together.

It was way more fun when they weren’t constantly trying to upstage one another and having Jonnys attention as xe told him about something stupid or made him laugh was even more intoxicating than xe would have thought.

They still played cards with Ashes, but they also talked together, hung out, softly played familiar tunes or existed in the same space in silence, just enjoying each others company.

A few weeks had passed like this and the whole crew was drinking together like normal while Marius was pissing Jonny off, also like normal. He was talking about some analyses or another when Jonny rolled his eyes as he drew his pistol and shot at him.

This was something normal as well, although instead of hitting the door frame next to Marius he shot the other straight through his brain, cutting him off mid-sentence as he fell to the floor.

It was quiet as everyone looked from Marius’s corpse to Jonny, who looked just as surprised as them. Tim broke the silence: “I guess the glasses are working then.”

Jonny grinned: “Hell yeah, I got my aim back.”

“Oh damn.” Ashes raised both their brows, “I always thought you were exaggerating when talking about your aim, since you were shit.”

“Wonderful what being able to see can do for someone.” Ivy deadpanned, not even bothering to look up from her book.

Tim laughed while Marius got up and frowned: “That was rude.”

“Then stop being annoying.” Jonny stuck out his tongue.

After that it went back to the usual shenanigans they got up to when drinking together, although Jonny did seem a bit more smug.

[muddyhippy]

Night Terrors, Chapter 5: Check-ins and Check-ups

A Lily Of-Many-Names Mechanisms Story

(Re-posting again because Tumblr refuses to have this pop up in the mechanisms tag and I am determined to try all the things I can think of before I give up!)

Summary

Lily has another nightmare filled with darkness and bad ones later than her usual night terrors torment her and when her usual source of comfort is nowhere to be found she decides to try her luck with the one person she’s pretty sure will still be up…

Featuring;  Some science officer observations, discussions of nightmares, lots of comfort, medical practice, some past Jonny whump, and some soft mechs at the end!

Check-ins and Check-ups

 There was a tentative knocking at the lab door.

 Raphaella frowned, she checked the ship’s time, 4:54 am. That was unusual. The only one who bothered to knock like that was Lily and Lily would be in bed by now and—

 Ah.

 Raphaella moved in a fluid motion, rising from her workbench and opened the door to be greeted by a slightly soggy Lily, the tear tracks and snotty nose was evidence of what had happened, clutching a fuzzy lump of something.

 “Jonny not in his room?”

 Lily shook her head, “M’sorry.”

 Raph sighed. It wasn’t a great inconvenience, she was hardly interrupting a breakthrough, she’d just lost track of time documenting one of her less hazardous bio-concoctions. Without a word she scooped Lily and her fuzzy thing up and carried her back to the bench. Lily immediately cuddled in close to her, Gemini tucked against her chest, breathing in the science officer’s familiar scent of chemicals, leather and a hint of flowers from her long golden hair. Lily loved Raphaella’s hair, it was so beautiful and silky. She loved being allowed to play with it, threading her little fingers through the fine strands and trying to plait them carefully.

 “You want to tell me what it was about?” prompted Raph.

 “It was silly.” Lily thought the science officer was so clever and busy with all he experiments she felt shy and small and silly admitting what was wrong, she was a big girl and she should be able to handle one little nightmare. Even if it had really scared her. Lily hadn’t wanted to bother her, Raphaella was always kind when she did her checks on her but that was always at the same time, they were planned. So were all her fun science lessons. This was definitely interrupting and interrupting was rude.

 Raphaella sighed, disappointed at Lily’s conclusion, “If it upset you then by definition it is not silly. Just because dreams are caused by synapse transfer and your brain’s interpretation of events does not mean that the outcome can be deemed ridiculous if it has an impact on you.”

 “Oh.” Lily wasn’t entirely sure what that meant but it sounded like she didn’t think Lily was silly after all.

 “Quite.”

 “I dreamt the Aurora was all dark and cold and I could hear banging like a big, angry someone was trying to get in.” Lily explained quietly.

 “I see.” Raphaella frowned.

 Lily quailed a little, misinterpreting her expression and began to hide her face, “I said it was silly.”

 The science officer sighed, realising what Lily thought she’d meant, “And what did I say?”

 “Sorry.” The child cast her eyes down as she mumbled.

 Very gently Raphaella caught Lily’s chin and pulled her face up to meet her, “No, don’t be sorry. This is a perfectly rational thing to dream Lily. You’ve been very brave and you continue to be brave. My research indicates that nightmares are a way of processing something very frightening and unpleasant that as happened to you. What happened to you was not silly so your way of processing it is also not silly.”

 It had actually be a good excuse to research nightmares in general since she knew full well the whole crew got them, regardless of age. Her own ones were manageable if unpleasant, determined to remind her of things she’d much rather forget.

 Lily’s lower lip wobbled dangerously.

 Raphaella sighed and for once decided to take a leaf out of Jonny’s book.

 Logical rational explanations could wait until she was little older. And she knew Lily responded extremely well physical comfort, she’d seen evidence of that be beyond that farthest doubt.

 “Come here little proton, it’s alright.” Raphaella wrapped both her arms and wings about the upset child and began rocking her like she’d seen Jonny do. It seemed to work after all and if observed action had been proved to yield positive results then who was she to argue with empirical evidence?  

 “It’s alright. You’re safe. Aurora is never truly dark, Nastya, Jonny, Tim and Brian don’t really like the dark either so she makes sure it’s always bright enough. And no one can get into Aurora without our say so. Aurora wouldn’t let them in anyway.”

 “An’ you’d shoot them if they did.” Came a convinced voice.

 “We certainly would. Or do something more interesting but we’d make sure they never got to you.”

 “Promise?”

 Raphaella was not in the habit of keeping promises, they were ephemeral and inconsequential unless you could use them to get what you wanted but this one felt important.

 “On my honour as a scientist.”

 Lily’s eyes widened at the words, that was very important. Raphaella was the best scientist there was and science was very, very precious to her. So she very much meant it.

 “Thank you.” Lily snuggled closer

Raphaella sighed once more, not really put out, she began to card her fingers gently through Lily’s silvery hair. It had been more pleasant than she’d been expecting to show Lily an exact comparison for her hair colour in the natural world, sunshine reflected off the surface of the lake. She rather thought the explanation of how light travelled and refracted might have gone a bit over her head but Lily had been an enthusiastic listener all the same which was better than her crewmates most of the time. She had been thrilled at being compared to sunshine too.

 Lily tentatively inched her fingers towards Raphaella’s cascading tresses, seeking the comfort they represented, Raphaella was kind and she was safe, she looked after her using her science. Lily loved sitting on the science officers’ lap, it made her feel important and special when Raphaella spoke science to her, (like when the others told her about things they loved too) even if she didn’t always understand it, she especially loved it when she let her play with her hair. Lily wanted to grow hers just as long.

 The science officer gave Lily her warmest smile, the one she had cultivated especially for the child. “Go on little proton, I don’t mind.”

 Lily gave her a smile filled with wonder that quickly turned into one of happy, soothed exhaustion. Two hands, one large, one small, each carefully combing fingers through soft hair, both knowing a singular form of peace.

 It took precisely two minutes and thirty seven seconds for Lily to fall asleep under the science officer’s ministrations. Lily had never fallen asleep on Raphaella before, she wasn’t normally the lulling type, leaving it to the others when the occasion arose but this was immensely satisfying, she could now see why Jonny never really complained about holding her till she slept.

 She was glad this interaction was being recorded too, it would be useful to refer back to when comparing different calming methods they all used to see which was the most effective. She had a suspicion that despite all their research, Jonny’s instinctive cuddle and rocking combination from the first night was probably the more sure-fire way to settle Lily. Not that she’s tell him of course. He didn’t need to know just what a comparably good job he was doing. The thing Lily had been clutching was likely to be a Jonny concoction too, the man was deceptively good at needlecraft, he’d mended enough of the crew’s clothes over the years when sufficiently bribed with whiskey, he’d even fixed the Toy Solider’s uniform when it got torn badly enough, complaining that he’d done so only because he couldn’t stand it moping around lamenting the damage.

 He’d even carefully embroidered eyes on the thing Lily held which seemed to be some sort of geological shape. She could admit whilst in her own company only that the craftsmanship on it was rather remarkable. He’d obviously gone to some effort to make her something with crystalline accuracy in some sort of fuzzy fabric and given how tightly Lily had been holding it but she’d never seen it in the mess at meal times nor had it accompanied the child to her check-up sessions, it was her comfort-at-night object. That, that was surprisingly thoughtful of him. She smiled quietly to herself.

 He definitely didn’t need to know what a good job he was doing.

 Maybe a hint.

 He also didn’t need to know the general positives these interactions were having on the pair of them and by extension, the rest of the crew. They would all work it out eventually and if she said anything too soon the idea would be dismissed out of hand, no, it was much better to be able to make unobtrusive observations and predictions unhindered.

 Lily was beginning to grow at a healthy rate, she wasn’t back up to where she should be yet but after three months she was now making steady progress. At her last weekly check-up Lily was now projected to be back on track to reach where she should be for a healthy eight year old in the next three months. They’d successfully reversed the physical damage done to her by the three weeks of acute malnutrition but the longer effects of a lifetime of not having quite enough would take longer to mend.

 Still, it felt, well, nice to see her improving.

 The first time she’d insisted on a proper check had been only few days after Lily had joined them. She’d asked Jonny to bring her to lab so she could get a real idea of what they were working with for Lily, exact height and weight, not to mention resting heart rate, lung capacity, bone density and a blood test to make sure everything was functioning as it should be. Lily was human so there were some basics that could be taken for granted but Raphaella wanted a solid starting point for knowing how best to reverse the damage of long term malnutrition.

 She’d argued with Jonny about it for 47 minutes before he finally saw sense and agreed to bring her along. His hang ups over poor medical practice were one thing and even understandable but not to the point that it impeded Lily’s recovery.

 He’d grudgingly agreed, especially when the others added their voices in assent and Raphaella assured him that she’d keep to the bare minimum of procedures to assess Lily.

 Marius had argued that it was so they could help her not hurt her. Given how delicate the matter was nobody teased Marius that surely it should be him leading the investigation if he was, in fact, a doctor. As it was, they all recognised that Raphaella’s dedication to the scientific approach would probably yield better results long term.  Marius and Brian advised on what she should be looking for specifically all the same.

 It was Nastya who’d finally swung him into accepting the proposal. She pointed out that if they didn’t check her properly when they could have and it turned out that they’d ensured the damage done by her ship management was permanent then that made them no better than the idiots that had led her mission. A grim accolade no one wanted to earn, the more Lily talked about life on her ship the more everyone was convinced it was mission led by utter idiots doomed to failure.

 She added quietly that they weren’t like their creator, that Carmilla would only be interested in tests to see how she could exploit Lily. They needed to conduct tests to work out exactly how to help Lily properly and make sure she stayed healthy and happy.

 Jonny couldn’t argue with that. Well, he could. But he wouldn’t, Lily being safe and well and as healthy as she could be was too important. Kid was a bag of bones, a mortal bag of bones at that and he should know, she still spent half her time attached to him and he was honestly worried by how light she was. He had very vague memories of being young except for a few key things but if he really thought about it he was sure at eight he’d been taller and broader. That wasn’t a bullshit boy vs girl nonsense thing either, he was sure he’d been taller and heavier at her age and that was with his family set up. Something was wrong. Raphaella was right, they did need to check.

 He didn’t have to like it though.

 Raphaella wasn’t sure which of the two were the more nervous coming in to the Lab.

 She made it more into a game in an attempt to settle them both, it wouldn’t do for their nerves to set up a negative feedback loop.  She got them both to play catch with one of her more robust recorders so she could check hand to eye coordination and reflexes. She challenged Lily to scrunch up as small as she could then stand on her tip toes and then stand as straight and flat-footed as she could on her weighing scales.

 Raphaella had Jonny pick her up and hold her as though they were posing for photo whilst she deployed the scanner for Lily’s bone density, explaining that she wanted close ups of her smiling face. It covered her dental development too.

 Checking her ears and throat had been relatively easy, getting silly to pull as ridiculous faces as she could whilst trying to sing ‘Old King Cole’ worked on her throat and the otoscope was hardly invasive.

 Jonny had managed to keep things light enough asking if Raphaella had found some of Ashes’ missing gold down there. Lily had been indignant and Raphaella had played along, pleased he was trying to make things easier.

 The blood test was unsurprisingly a little harder of a sell.

 Lily went rigid with fear when she saw the needle.

 Hmm. Understandable but not helpful, it was one of her smallest ones as well.

 Jonny cleared his throat, his own spine stiffening and also not taking his eyes off the syringe. “Why don’t we have a go with the stethoscope first?”

 That was a surprising suggestion coming from him. Raphaella had been planning to brace herself and try to use that as a wind down but maybe there needed to be buffer. She decided to put it to Lily to decide.

 “Lily, I’m not going to hurt you. I need to take a little bit of your blood to check everything is working as it should be inside you. Your blood can tell me all sorts of important things that you yourself won’t be able to tell me.”

 Lily still looked scared. Raphaella found it wasn’t an expression she liked to see on so young a face. Raphaella had no problem being seen as intimidating or even down right terrifying by those who crossed her path or got in her way. That was half the fun, but on Lily? No, she didn’t like being the cause of that fear one bit. The test was still needed though.

 “But you’ve got a choice,” she continued in the tone she’d already modulated especially for the child, no-nonsense but gentle, firm but soft enough to put her at ease most of the time. “I can take this sample now then use the stethoscope to listen to your heart and lungs or I can listen first and then take the blood sample but either way I need to take it.”

 The child had tried to melt into Jonny, clinging to him, fingers burying in fabric and belts.

 Raphaella tried not to notice that the comforting hand that was running up and down her back was trembling.

 Lily turned to face Jonny. “What do you think?”

 Jonny tore his gaze from the poised syringe and did his best to look relaxed and nonchalant despite the fact his heartrate had audibly trebled, “I think it’s always better to get the thing that scares you done first. Raph’s right though, she’s only doing it because she wants to make sure you’re okay inside and out. It won’t hurt, it’s more like getting a sharp pinch on your skin for a second and then it’s done.”

 He didn’t mention that it was fine when blood was being taken from you rather than a bunch of different poisons being injected into you over and over again to see how quickly each one affected you and how quickly you came back. How each one burned and cramped and ripped through every single system until he was desperate for death. He was the first after all. Carmilla had to make sure her new creation was full-proof and indestructible. That he could come back from anything.

 “How do you know?”

 Jonny smiled ruefully, “I’ve had a lot of injections over the years, given lots of samples too. It doesn’t hurt.” ‘It’s what comes after’ remained unsaid.

 “Oh.” Lily clearly thought about it, weighing up the pros and cons. She eyed the stethoscope on the science officer’s workbench. She knew how that worked at least. There was something right next to her that might make her feel braver. “If Raphaella takes a sample can, can I listen to your heart while she does it?”

 Jonny was halfway to opening his mouth to say ‘no’ on sheer reflex when Lily added in a small voice, “I don’t want to watch. I don’t like blood. It goes bad and gloopy and changes colour too quickly. And it smells horrible.”

 Well fuck. He could hardly say no to that.

 “You won’t be able to smell it Lily, it’ll be in the syringe.” Raphaella tried to distract, she was well aware of Jonny’s dislike of anything to do with exam practice. She was actually impressed he’d not just dumped Lily on her and run, that he’d taken part so far. He had more courage than she gave him credit for, that or a greater sense of guardianship than she’d expected. Either way, he was making her job much easier and she appreciated it.  

 Raphaella had tried to get a better understanding of his Mechanism not long after she’d joined the crew, intrigued by the ticking of his chest. She’d come at him with a stethoscope and woken up in the wreckage of her workbench recovering from 6 gunshot wounds.

 She hadn’t pursued that line of research further.

 “Still don’t like it.” Lily half spoke into Jonny’s chest and half to the science officer.

 “That’s fair enough.” Conceded Raphaella

 Lily’s eyes were doing the thing again. The thing where they took up half her face, she gazed imploringly up at him. “Please?”

 Fuck. He really had to immunise himself against that. Later. Now though?

 He swallowed. “Sure.”

 Raphaella raised an eyebrow, fully prepared to snatch Lily out of his arms and rocket skywards if he looked like he was going to detonate like he did last time.

 Jonny gave her tiniest nod.

 This was Lily. He shook himself internally. It was Lily. Lily couldn’t hurt him if she tried. Okay, well she could but she wasn’t armed right now and she liked his ticking. He forced himself to watch her, to brace for the touch of the disc. He’d be ready, he’d know. If he closed his eyes there was no guarantee he’d be able to hold it together for her. This was Lily reaching to him for comfort, he reminded himself firmly. She needed him to distract her from something frightening but necessary. Lily wasn’t going to sigh and tut and then open him up.

 He wasn’t strapped to a table.

 He forced himself to breathe as calmly as he could, the way Ivy had shown him from one of her books when he’d taken refuge once in the earliest incarnation of the library.

 He was fine, he was holding Lily. He was free to move. He was holding Lily and being reassuring because needles were frightening. He was proving it was fine. It was fine.

 The disc made contact.

 It took everything in him not to bolt.

 “Jonny, your ticking is very fast.” A little voice piped up matter-of-factly.

 Before he got a chance to answer Lily had already drawn her own conclusions.

 “I know I’m not a proper doctor like Raphaella but I won’t hurt you. See?” She took the disc off then pressed it even more gently against him, then rested her head on him too, trying to be reassuring.

 Fucking Hell. That she thought she could hurt him? Like this? At all? But the pressure helped. Carmilla had never been gentle with his chest. She’d never been gentle full stop.

 Lily was.

 This was Lily and it was fine. He held her a little tighter. “I like this,” she spoke quietly, as if she was speaking directly to his heart but then again, when wasn’t she? “I can hear your ticking all around. It’s going slower now.”

 It took two tries to speak.

 “T-That’s because you’re doing a good job.” Raphaella was watching him like a hawk, despite the fact he’d drained of colour and there was a noticeable (to her experienced eye at least) tremor running through him he was still sat still and solid for Lily, making no sign that he was about to flip her workbench.

 “I am?”

 “Of course.” He managed the ghost of his usual grin, “I don’t let just anyone listen to me.” If only she knew how true that was.

 Lily beamed at him, utterly delighted. Just as Raphaella took her moment.

 Jonny was aware enough of the situation to catch Lily’s face as she turned to see the source of the sudden pinch, directing her back to look at him, the surprised ‘Eeep!’ already escaping her lips. “Keep looking this way Lemondrop, it’s alright. Keep listening to the ticking.”

 Tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

 “It’s alright,” he ran his fingers through her hair, hating that she was upset, hating that they were doing this. He’d always sworn he’d have nothing to do with anything like this but here he was. A necessary evil. “It’s alright, she’ll be done soon. You’re being very brave.” He didn’t dare rock her and risk jostling the needle so he hummed instead.

 She clung to him with her other hand, with a muffled whimper but did as he asked. It didn’t hurt, not really but the idea of something being stuck in her was an idea she didn’t like. Still, Jonny had her and she could hear his ticking loud and clear and he said she was being brave so that was good. She could hear him humming Rose Red as well and she couldn’t help but relax, Jonny had her, she could hear his ticks and the humming and she could smell his spicesmokewhiskey.

 It was okay.

 She was safe.

 They were looking after her because she was part of the crew, they cared about her. It was alright.

 All at once there was the feel of something going away and something pressing on her arm.

 “There we go, all done, good girl, you’ve been very brave.” Raphaella finished taping the small cotton gauze to her arm covering the tiny pinprick of blood.

 Lily took a moment to take in the sight of her arm and then the science officer, Raphaella had been right, it hadn’t hurt. It had been scary because she wasn’t sure what it would be like and she was scared it would hurt because they were bigger and stronger and braver than her and that they said it wouldn’t hurt because it wouldn’t hurt them when they had to have needles in them but actually, it had been a bit of a shock but it hadn’t hurt at all and Jonny had made her feel safe all the way through and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her or let anything else hurt her anyway.

 She gave a sunny smile to Raphaella.

 “It didn’t hurt!”

 Despite herself, Raphaella was rather pleased, she allowed a knowing grin to bloom across her face, rather than the haughty scoff that she saved for the others, “I did say.”

 “You did!” Lily beamed wider.

 “Well I’m glad I was proved correct. Are you ready for me to take a turn listening to you?”

 “Yes.”

 “Good, I just need a listen to your chest and then we’re all done. Can I have the stethoscope back?”

 Lily carefully removed the buds from her ears and hand the piece of equipment back, she missed hearing Jonny’s ticking quite so loudly. She leaned against him instead.

 Raphaella decided not to comment on the sudden drop in tension from Jonny the second the disc was taken away from his chest.

 With gentle efficiency she had the device in her own ears.

 “Can you sit up straight for a moment please?” Lily did so, “then take some nice deep breaths for me.”

 Lily did the best she could.

 After a few minutes Raphaella sat back, satisfied.

 Her initial suspicions were well founded, Lily was almost chronically underweight and under-height but that could be fixed with care. Her lungs and heart seemed strong through and her reflexes as well as hand to eye coordination were sharp and focused, ears and throat were clear of infection too and that was the most common source of ailments for human children according to her research. Lily was a fighter and, pending the results of the blood tests had no reason not to make a full recovery. That was pleasing and definitely worth the few uncomfortable moments.

 She gave Jonny a short nod over Lily’s head.

 The relief in his face was something Raphaella was going to remember for long time to come. She might find him deeply irritating most of the time but he’d certainly proved himself when it counted. He was many things but could not be accused of being a selfish bastard. At least, not right now.

 “Alright then, all done here. I think you’ve earned something nice.”

 “Really?” Lily perked up even more.

 “Oh yes.”

 “What?”

 “I happen to know Brian’s been busy in the kitchen with Marius.” She happened to know exactly because they’d planned it earlier, it was only fair for Lily to get some sort of recompense for having to go through something unpleasant. It was something they all wished they had had when they were young (not to mention everything that had happened since they were young).

 The excited squeal that erupted was something that warmed both of the adults in the room and would certainly not get passed on to the chocolate cake bakers. It wouldn’t do to give them ideas after all.

 Not for the first time they found themselves hand in hand with Lily, swinging the excited child all the way to the mess.

 Raphaella came back to the present and smiled as she held the currently comforted and sleeping Lily, the child had got far more used to the weekly check-ups following the first one, it helped that her blood came back fine and healthy, no underlying issues to be concerned about so no more blood tests were needed.

 She still liked to listen to Jonny’s heart with the stethoscope during the check-ups.

 Jonny still endured it for her sake.

 Raphaella thought that over the weeks he’d looked a little more relaxed each time.

 The check-ups proved what they were seeing in real time. Lily was mending. She was putting on healthy weight and starting to grow, her skin was starting to have a glow to it again. It felt nice to have used her research and scientific approach for unquestionable good for once. She’d shared her findings with them all. The rest were pleased too. They’d made a comprehensive list of supplies with Ivy and Raph’s information that Ashes organised and sourced. Marius and Brian eagerly added more recipes to the collection and the others made a point of each eating vaguely healthy snacks every so often so as to not make Lily feel like she was the odd one out. Regular mealtimes helped too.

 It was satisfying to see that improvement over time, Lily was proving to be a fascinating research study that Raphaella was very much invested in. It was also immensely satisfying that the rest of the crew was just as invested her topic of study for once. Seeing Lily grow and heal and improve was something that was having a positive effect on the rest of the crew, she’d noticed (and made notes of course) that the crew interacted more frequently and more positively usually when Lily was present but sometimes even without her there. These developments were, pleasing, to put it into layman terms. Though Raphaella wasn’t entirely sure why. It would take further investigation of course but she did have eyes, the positive interactions were slowly improving the general well-being in the crew, communal mealtimes and friendlier banter seemed to be improving moods across the board.

 Most notably of course was Jonny.

 His general comportment had softened a little, his violent outbursts reduced and he definitely looked like he was sleeping more regularly. Raphaella estimated his alcohol consumption had dropped by a least a bottle a night which was rather impressive, it wasn’t like the alcohol did anything long term since all their mechanisms prevented permanent internal damage, especially when one was killed far too frequently to even consider organ failure due to extensive alcohol poisoning. But still, it was nice to see him looking more, centred, for lack of a better word.

 Heavy boots made their appearance on the peripheries of her hearing.

 Think of the devil…

 Raphaella took a moment to soak up the situation, Lily had fallen asleep against her peacefully and easily as if she were her mother. It was a completely new experience but not an unpleasant one it turned out. Raphaella had enjoyed introducing the scientific process to Lily over the past three months, teaching her the basic principles of chemistry and physics and now botany since she’d set up the hydroponics lab with Nastya and Ivy. That had been a fun collaboration and all three enjoyed Lily’s delight at each seed sprouted and new leaf grown.

 She’d added a whole new strand of research to her study too, the poisons and toxins of plants were fascinating and she was eager to put those to good use when the next opportunity arrived. There was always opportunity for hybridisation too. Excellent.

 The heavy boots stopped right outside the lab door followed by an uncharacteristically gentle knock.

 “Come in Jonny.”

 The first mate entered looking annoyed at the presumption that quickly melted into relief when he saw a sleeping Lily in her arms.

 The science officer gave him an appraising look. Despite the obvious panic at not knowing where Lily was Jonny still looked calmer and better rested than he had for centuries. Raphaella found she liked that look on him, he seemed far more settled, music rehearsals with everyone had become a lot more productive too, always a bonus.

 She still found it funny he refused to use his ship communicator to ask the group chat where Lily was on an evening she had a late nightmare-startled wander, clearly too proud to admit he’d lost her. It wasn’t as if she could get into any real danger any more. Both the Octokittens and Stowaways knew not to touch her and Aurora wouldn’t let her get lost anywhere too dangerous. Then again, the day he did they knew it would be a serious one.

 As it was the first mate was only looking marginally stressed and panicked, a whole lot better than she’d seen him look.

 Jonny took in the sight of Raphaella as he entered the lab. From the lights behind her and a sleeping Lily in her arms the science officer resembled an angel that he’d seen statues of on multiple worlds, beautiful and terrible, just as he remembered the preacher talking about on Sundays when he was small. He’d seen what Raph could do to somewhere or someone that irked her and he’d come to believe all those stories.

 Still, the look she was giving Lily as he walked in was something else, it was a face he knew she saved just for Lily, that slight softness, a pride in her eyes and smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

 Jonny knew Raphaella was incredibly pleased by the progress Lily had made both physically and with all the science lessons she’d been teaching, Lily had talked his ear off about all the things she’d made by experimenting. The physical checks were good too, in their way. Much as he hated them. If he really had to admit it, the checks were worth it, it was good to know Lily was on the right track at least, that they weren’t making a mess of her, at least not physically.

 “Thought she might be here.” Came his way of explanation,

 “Well congratulations.”

 “She been here long?”

 “Only half an hour or so.”

 “Good.” He stayed curt, not wanting to give her room to rinse him more than he was expecting, Raphaella had a way with words that could cut like one of her scalpels if he wasn’t careful, most of the time it didn’t bother him but if it was about Lily and how he handled her, it tended to cut to the core of him, much to his annoyance.

 “How did you lose her this time?”

 “I didn’t lose her!” he snapped, “She just got up when I wasn’t around. I do check the times on things you know, she’s usually up at 11, 1 and 3 so much that you can set a metronome by her. It’s not my fault she just got up out of sequence!”

 “And you weren’t in your room because?” pressed Raphaella, not giving an inch.

 “Because I wasn’t!”

 “Jonny,” Began the science officer in a deceptively gentle voice, “I could wake her up and make Lily ask you with her big blue accusing eyes.”

 The first mate looked furious he was about to say ‘you wouldn’t dare’ but Raph absolutely would to prove a point and he really didn’t want to risk having to admit the truth to Lily, he found it incredibly hard to lie to her properly after all.

 “Fine, Lily mentioned a birthday coming up some months from now and I am making something for that. Away from my room. Lost track of time. That’s it.” He ground out.

 “A secret something I take it?” Raphaella teased, amused to have caught him in such an obvious lie, Jonny on the whole was usually quite good at lying. He managed it effortlessly on stage after all. And he was damned good poker player.

 “You won’t find it.”

 “It wouldn’t have anything to do with the bits of clothing several of us have missed over the last few weeks would it?”

 Jonny’s ears began to turn red.

 “No.”

 ‘Aha.’ Thought Raphaella. But she was intrigued enough to let it stand, it was honestly rather refreshing to have Jonny do something vaguely productive outside of his musical and lyrical talents, repair work not-withstanding. There were only so many theoretical studies of chronic alcohol abuse and sleep deprivation she could observe before it got tiresome. This proved to be far more interesting.

 “Alright then, well I await to see the results with bated breath.”

 “Fuck off Raph.”

 “I could just wake her.”

 “I could just shoot you.”

 “You know you won’t.”

 The impotent rage on Jonny’s face was amusing to witness.

 “Fine, but I fill find a way to make you suffer.”

 “I look forward to it.”

 He matched her feral grin, feeling like he’d at least gained somewhat of an upper hand he moved on to the more important issue, Lily hadn’t been out of her bed unexpectedly for the last month, not since she found Brian during the poker game.  

 “What was it about this time?”

 “Doors being rattled and banged on by enemies in the dark.”

 “Oh, standard then. Good.”

 “Standard? I thought they were all like this one?” This was interesting, there were others? Raphaella got halfway through that thought and froze.

 Uh, Jonny realised he’d not actually shared a lot of detail of Lily’s nightmares, he passed on the basics to everyone at Tim’s insistence after she’d climbed in with him, demanding to know at least what they might have to deal with if the crew was now fair game to ask comfort from. The others had backed him up, the bastards, and he’d been forced to share a bit. He didn’t really want to, nightmares were private things after all and it wasn’t fair for him to share stuff that bothered someone else but as it had been pointed out, Lily was a child whom they all cared about, whom they were all guardians for and thus they all needed to know likely sources of upset and triggers to avoid when they spent time together, either during the day or if they happened to be the ones to comfort her at night.

 He’d relented, wanting to make sure she always had some solid options for comfort. He knew in excruciating detail how unpleasant it could be to suffer that sort of fear and misery on your own. Until you learned to ignore and bury it that is.

 So the others knew the basics at least, it was always the threat of attack, rattling and banging and bellowing in the dark unsurprisingly. He tended to keep the extra details to himself though, he knew how desperately Lily wanted to be seen as a ‘big girl’ by the crew. Even though there was nothing she could say or do that would actually make them think she was somehow less. Kid had endured enough and was still pretty functional, that was one hell of an achievement already. And she was stil mortal.

 Sometimes her nightmares was flavoured with gunfire (though not Tim’s apparently, that sounded different according to Lily, Jonny had no idea how the hell gunfire could sound ‘friendly’ but supposedly Tim’s did-children clearly had a higher nuance of sound perception-it made music lessons all the more interesting that was for sure), sometimes it was visions of what was left of her crew, her parents dying and on one particularly horrendous night images of her parents demanding to know why she hadn’t saved them. He had mentioned that one to Marius and then the rest of the crew since it had taken the singing of the entirety of ‘Alice’ to lull her back to sleep bookended with ‘Rose Red.’

 The one about her being left behind that she told to Brian was concerning, that one he had talked to the others about straight away, worried that taking her to a planet had, in fact, been a bad move. Given that that was as near as an admission to the idea he’d been wrong about wanting to take her planetside actually had them all discussing it properly with only minimal jeering. It ended up being pointed out that since it was such a new experience, even though it had been very positive, Lily’s subconscious was so traumatised it wasn’t surprising it had sparked off a different set of nightmares.

 It had assuaged the guilt a little at least. He was glad she clearly had really enjoyed the visit.

 “Jonny?”

 He realised he’d been staring into the middle distance and not actually talking. Shit.

 He refocused on her. A look crossed Raphaella’s face that he’d seen maybe once or twice before in all the years he’d known her. A hint of worry.

 “Does, does she have nightmares about what we, what I,” she corrected, “do here?”

 That question knocked him sideways, his initial instinctive bastard response died on his lips. This was Raphaella actually asking him, Jonny, for reassurance, reassurance that what she was doing wasn’t physcologically damaging their charge. He’d never seen the science officer look unsure before. Jonny realised he had a choice, he could lie and tell her that yes, the check-ups upset Lily and he’d had to calm her down from a lot of nightmares inspired by Raph’s actions or, or he could be honest.

 He thought about how genuinely devastated he’d be if one of the others told him that the reason Lily had come to them wasn’t because she couldn’t find him but that she was scared of him, that she’d had a nightmare about him because of something he’d done. He felt his guts twist. No, he couldn’t do that to Raphaella, he could murder her happily along with the rest of the crew whenever Lily wasn’t about and he’d been suitably bored or antagonised but lying about this?

 He couldn’t do it.

 If he stopped to think about it, there were quite a few things he couldn’t do now. All involved Lily, he couldn’t lie to the others about her, they were all in this together, more so than anything they’d been bound by previously. Jonny knew he was the primary source of Lily information but he actually respected that fact and that he should share as much as was reasonable to make sure it was as easy for the others to comfort and look after her as possible. This communal guardianship parenting thing they’d fallen into was working but it needed proper communication much as it felt like pulling teeth sometimes. It was needed so he did it. So they all did it.

 He fixed Raphaella with as sincere look as he could manage.

 “No Raph, she’s never had a nightmare about you or the check-ups, I think she’d settled into them, always asks me stuff about what you do in the lab so I reckon you’re fine.”

 Raphaella tried and failed not to look relieved.

 “Oh, well, thank you that’s, that’s preferable.”

 Yeah, it is. Her ship’s done enough of a number on her, she’s been here long enough now to know, I think, that we’re not trying to fuck her up.

 That seems like a reasonable conclusion. She’s not been put off by what she sees on a daily basis, between Tim’s shooting practice, TS’s stories and my science if that’s not affected her negatively then, for the moment we may remain in grace period.

 “What do we do when that ends?”

 “We’ll have to slowly introduce more regular elements of life on board to get her more used to things, little by little, it seems to be working so far.”

 Jonny considered, Raph did have a point, last week something had exploded and whilst Lily had gone stock-still and the colour drained out of her face she hadn’t cried or outwardly panicked, instead asked Jonny very quietly if they could find out what happened, because ‘it was probably Tim trying his new canon that he had been showing her through the building process but could they go and check please just to make sure?’

 So they had and it was. Jonny was feeling pretty fucking murderous but Tim had ignored him and got there first, explaining when they arrived exactly what he’d been upto, that he was sorry it went off without her there to see but the trigger had been too sensitive. He’d shown Lily the system and rig so that she understood the weapon and where the sound had come from, feeling much happier that she knew this was something to protect them and not a sign that they were under attack.

 Jonny had planned an elaborate murder for Tim and braced himself for an onslaught of nightmares that never came. Well they did but it was just the usual, banging on the doors in the dark one nothing to do with Tim or his explosions. He’d been waiting a full eight days and nothing. He was beginning to suspect Tim’s approach of including Lily in the construct of the weapon really had been a big help. Clever bastard.

 “Yeah, that’s, that’s probably as good a plan as we’ve got.”

 Raphaella considered, Jonny didn’t have to have been kind a moment ago. But he was. She’d almost entirely forgotten what it was like to be concerned about the long-term effects of her science and she hadn’t liked the feeling whatsoever. He could have made it worse and didn’t. That certainly counted for something and definitely towards her working theory about him and his own developmental track.

 “It’s probably better than what she would have in any other circumstance or with anyone else who might have rescued her. We’re all doing well with her, physically and mentally, we’re all in this together and it’s working, I can see it in my results and charts as clearly as I see it on her, against more odds than I think even Ivy would be comfortable calculating we’re improving her, as a crew, she’s healing and mending, and,” she considered her words, “you’re both the catalyst and accelerator in this compound of all of us, with all the variables.”

 Jonny began to open his mouth.

 “You’re good for her, my research indicates it.” Elaborated Raphaella stiffly. Being kind and gentle with Lily was far easier than she expected it to be, transversely being articulately kind to her crewmates was decidedly harder, she’d had very little practice and took refuge in her scientific terms, they always flowed more easily.

 Jonny’s eyes widened at the implication of what she was saying. That it was her saying it.

 Still, with him, sometimes actions spoke louder than words.

 Very carefully she handed over Lily to him, fuzzy rock thing and all, taking care to catch Jonny’s hand in the process and squeeze it for the briefest of moments.

 She was deeply surprised to receive a returning squeeze, equally as brief.

 She tried to read his face, a myriad of expressions flitted over him, shock, confusion, wariness, pride and elation before settling back to his default of ‘cocky bastard smirk’

 He held Lily close a moment then allowed a softer, sincere expression to linger in his eyes, “Thanks Raph, s’what the crew’s for, everyone’s got a job with this one.”

 He sobered and shifted, face returning to its usual look, his regular swagger sliding into his stance, “See you at breakfast.” He threw out his familiar feral grin without the need or will to add a snarky comment and sauntered out with a Lily tucked up against his chest who was at least half an inch taller and several pounds heavier than when she arrived.

 They were working as a crew and it was mending Lily.

 Not for the first time Raphaella considered the pair as they left her lab, a fond smile spreading across her face. The unlikeliness of this scenario had already cost Ivy one full notebook but the science officer could honestly conclude that she was deeply satisfied by this anomaly and looked forward to the further variables it generated.

 Otherwise, what even was the point?

 Smile still on her face she settled down to update her research log on the day’s nocturnal events. Her file was getting decidedly long.

 Raphaella found that only pleased her more.

[twit-moonstar]

Up for a long time - Brian May x Reader

A/N: This was for a hosted Valentine’s day secret santa but I couldn’t finished it in time bc life. I am really sorry I’m posting this so late

Please consider reblogging and commenting what do you think about the fic

Warnings: none (just a note: this is situated on 1977/1978)

Words: 2K+

Summary: Y/N was invited by Brian May to accompany him during the Sheer Heart Attack tour and as its ending gets closer, she expresses her sadness over having to say him goodbye soon, unless… maybe she doesn’t have to.

 A blissful sigh left Brian’s lips as you cuddle against his side, his long fingers petting your hair lazily. 

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could stay here forever, just the two of us? I’m gonna miss this,” you say with melancholy, as if you parting ways was a matter of fact—because, well, it was. What were the chances that he would want to keep seeing you? He was a guitarist in a rising band that was getting more and more famous. You were beginning to feel sad at the thought of missing him even if you were still by his side. It was strange to you how at ease he makes you feel even though you meet barely two months ago. It’s not an everyday occurrence that a cute musician invites you to come along on tour with his band to America but you weren’t stupid enough to miss on this chance. Besides, he had a certain charm that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, like he wasn’t even trying. Just like that, he could smile, and you would do anything he asked. A few minutes passed, in which he didn’t replied, and you started to think about what you had said. Did you cross a line there? Was that inappropriate? But being with him felt so right… and you were sure he felt the same way about you. Well, you were until now. Finally, he spoke. “What if you didn’t have to?” You smiled, feeling relief that he wasn’t weirded out by your comment. “What? What do you mean?” “What if - if we got married?” His words were shaky, his voice soft and quiet in the dim room. You look up at him. “Are you joking? Because, let me you tell you, it’s not funny,” you state. He shakes his head no. “I’m not.“ You get away from him, sitting up on the bed to look at him. It’s hard to describe the look on his eyes, it’s very serious but also a little dreamy, like he has his head on the clouds. And you might be the very reason why. “Really?” You say softly as if you were expecting him to laugh and declare it was indeed a joke but you know him well; he would never be so cruel. Your mother once told you that you must see a man getting happy, tired, sad and, above all, angry and stressed before you got married. She believed that if you saw him in such states, you would know if you were ready to handle sharing your life with him. Despite knowing him for so little time, you had already seen how he acted when he wasn’t feeling well and it never seemed like something that you couldn’t soothe. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Well, then,” you smiled, “ask me properly.” “Y/N Y/L/N, would to make me the honour of being my wife?” “Yes!” you exclaimed, throwing yourself to him and embracing him on a tight hug. He took your face between his hands and kissed you, smiling when you broke apart. “Well, then, we’re engaged now.”

“When– when do you want to do it, though?” You asked. You wouldn’t lie, you weren’t able to contain your excitement. You were going to get married! It felt like a dream, like you would wake up in any moment in an empty bed on the hotel. “Tomorrow maybe?” Brian suggested. “It’s my day off before we get going to the next city.” “Okay,” you accepted. “While you’re at rehearsal, I’ll make sure we have what we need to do it.” He kissed you again. “Alright but first, let’s get breakfast.”

Standing in front of a little mirror on the reception, you check your lipstick, even though Brian said he wouldn’t pay for any photographs here—both of you were afraid they would be leaked and all over the magazines. Despite all the paparazzi constantly following the band, Brian had done his best effort to protect your privacy as much as he could and you weren’t quite ready to give up your anonymity just yet. Besides, you were aware that a secret wedding with a woman Brian met just three months ago wouldn’t do wonders for his reputation. A pair of hands sneaked up on your waist, hugging you softly. “Are you ready?” He whispered on your ear. You turned around, your arms surrounding his neck. “As ready as I’ll ever be,” you assure him and his lips curve up into a smile. A blonde woman came up to you—her name was Marie, according to the tag on her blazer— and cleared her throat. “Excuse me, the venue is ready. Follow me, please,” she said and started walking you guide you. She opened the door and a wedding march started to sound as you entered the room and walked towards the altar, Brian holding your hand the entire time. The Victorian Venue was beautiful, so beautiful you almost regretted eloping—though both Roger and Freddie weren’t at the hotel and Deacy and Veronica were with their kids—. It was a large room, simply decorated with cascading silk drapes and a pair of pillars with candelabras as the wedding altar. It was all very white, and you were glad you had chosen to wear a light blue dress that contrasted with the room. The officiant, a middle aged men, looked as you stand in front of each other. Brian had a smile plastered across his face, reaching his hazel eyes and illuminating his beautiful features. “Brian May and Y/N Y/L/N, today you enter as individuals, but you will leave here as husband and wife, blending your lives, expanding your family ties, and embarking upon the grandest adventure of human interaction,” the officiant said. “Brian and Y/N, remember to treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Take responsibility for making the other feel safe and give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. Please, repeat after me–” “Actually, I’d like to have the word,” you interrupt him, shyly, and Brian looks at you with surprise. You hadn’t discussed having your own vows and he clearly didn’t expected it but you had been thinking about them since last night. “Of course.” “I - I know that for anyone outside us this will look rushed after only a few weeks but in that time you have made me the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve seen you in the most intimate situations and I know I’m ready to spend my life with you. It might not be easy– but nothing every really is and I’m ready to whatever is coming at us.” Brian’s smile and eyes were warm, full of fondness. His hands squeezed yours briefly, a silent ‘I love you.’ “Y/N, meeting you wasn’t on my plans. I’d have never guessed that I’d fall so hard, so fast for you but your sweet ways, your genuine excitement for life and new experiences, your energy and the passion you put on everything you do made me feel like a fifteen years old boy falling in love for the first time. I am enchanted by you, and I’m so happy I get the chance to try to make you as happy as you make me.” You feel your smile getting bigger, so wide it almost hurted but you didn’t cared. It was a nice kind of pain, it meant you couldn’t contain the happiness you were feeling inside you and for a moment you thought about how you wanted to proclaim to the entire world that you were married to the lofe of your life. You squeezed his hands for a second. You both let go of your hands to get the rings. His was one he already had but rarely used and yours was one you had bought on a market on one of your solo adventures exploring the city while he was working. They weren’t permanent rings; “I promise I’ll get you a proper ring once we’re on London again,” he had said, and you assured him you were okay with these as of now. Despite the band’s success, you knew he wasn’t really getting much money and didn’t care he didn’t buy an expensive ring. “Brian May, please repeat after me as you place the ring on Y/N Y/L’s ring. With this ring, I thee wed and pledge you my love, now and forever.” “With this ring, I thee wed and pledge you my love, now and forever,” he recited softly as he put the ring on you finger. After you repeat it, you both sign the marriage certificate and the officiant finally says the words that linked your lives for the rest of it. “By the authority vested in my by the State of San Francisco, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride!” Brian did as told, reaching down to kiss you softly, taking his time to show you how much he loved you on his gentle movements. “I love you, Mrs. May,,” he said once you broke apart. You giggle. “I love you too, Mr May.”

“Honey, I’m home!” Brian exclaimed, and you hear the closing door. You smile as he enters the room and leaves the box with Chinese food on the little table in front of the couch. You sit properly and take a look at what he brought. “My hero! I was starving,” you say and he smiles. After a week of living on Brian’s apartment using his clothes, you had finally gotten around to your old apartment and got your stuff. It was mostly books, clothes and some decorative ornaments; you didn’t have any furniture except for your bookshelf—and a mattress that you had already sold. Brian was helping you to put everything in place, but you were hungry and send him to get food—your treat. “They didn’t have fried rice, but I brought you Chow Mei,” he says, opening the box for you to see. The smell is delicious, and your stomach seems to rush you to eat when it growls. “That’s fine,” you say and take your noodles. “Do you need help?” Brian chuckles as you struggle with the chopsticks. You pout and nod. He takes his own stick. “The trick is to just move the top stick, the other has to stay still,” Brian shows you as he takes a piece of tofu with ease. You imitate him ans after a few tries, you finally succeed. “It’s way more difficult when you’re eating noodles,” you say before Brian’s amused gaze. “Do you want to try?” He asks, holding a piece of his tofu to you. You lean, doubtful, and take a bite. It tastes spicy and hot, so you swallow it and drink a little soda. “What does it have?” “Lots of pepper,” he replies. “It’s good, but I wouldn’t eat too much,” you say honestly and he smiles as he eats. “It’s an acquired taste, I guess.” “I want to go back to college,” you comment after a while and he smiles at you, interested. “To study Law again?” “No, that’s… that’s what my parents pushed me to do. I’ll like to study something related to Theatre, maybe. I don’t know, but I need to do something. I don’t like just being lying around,” you say softly. The week living with Brian, having no responsibilities was nice but you needed to do something. Besides, you wouldn’t let Brian pay for all the bills. You were a team now, and you needed (and wanted) to do your part. “I was also thinking maybe I could give some piano or bass lessons, to get some money,” “That’s a great idea,” he nods with a smile and you can’t help but smile too. “I can help you with some posters to promote your classes.” “That would be very nice,” you reply, leaning towards him and giving him a quick peck on the lips. “Hey, I have a surprise for you!” Brian suddenly says and gets up quickly, walking into the room and coming back after finding whatever he was looking for. He sits next to you and takes your hand, looking briefly at the ring you used to get married before looking at you. “Remember when we stayed at my parents’ house for the weekend?” You smile. “Of course I do. I was nervous as hell the whole drive. And during dinner. Basically all three days.” “Well, you had nothing to worry about because my mother loved you and actually gave me this for you.” He shows you a ring. It was made from gold and had one single tiny round diamond. Your mouth hangs open as Brian takes off your old ring and puts the golden on your finger. “Do you like it?” He sounds anxious as you simply stare at the ring and the way it shines beautifully with the natural light coming from the windows. “It’s beautiful,” you say, moving your hand so the light reflects off the ring. You finally look at him. “Did you say your mother gave you this?” He nods. “I can’t accept this,” you say, starting to take it off but he takes your hands to stop you. “Why not?” “Because it’s real, Bri! This diamond is real and probably worth good money, who knows how much your parents spent on it?” “It was my grandmother’s and she isn’t… she’s dead.” “Oh.” You look at the ring. “Still, why would your mother give me this? She barely knows me.” “Because she liked you and sees why I married you,” he said, cupping your cheek with his hand and caressing your skin with his thumb. “Besides, she saw you didn’t have a ring and said it was unacceptable. This is actually an engagement one but let’s ignore that.” You smile. “Alright, I’m going to keep it as long as you love me.” “Well, get used to it because you’re up for a long time,” Brian says and brings you to his lap to give you a soft kiss.

[zwiezraczek]

The Perks of being Roger's Girl... [Chapter 3]

SUMMARY:  Anna is Brian’s friend, his childhood best friend. They were separated for a long time, but when Smile performs at the Royal Albert Hall, Anna is here, invited by Brian. There, she meets Roger, the dentist drummer, a loverboy.

CHAPTER 1 - CHAPTER 2 - CHAPTER 3: Paying Off - CHAPTER 4

Freddie's birthday, a lucky day leading to February in 1974...

WORDS: 5.1k

Holding a package against her side, Anna walked on the pavement, looking for the house Freddie lived in with his parents. This neighborhood seemed pretty nice, the detached-houses painted with pastel colors made everything look warmer, cozier, friendlier and safer. The leaves slowly burnt into an orange color, falling slowly on the ground: autumn came in pretty quickly this year, just a few days after August. Anna looked up, the address she had matched with the number she found: she hoped that somebody would already be there, at least Mary, because, she had to admit it, she never felt at ease with new people. Especially parents, her friend's parents. Anna felt at ease with Brian's parents, only because they became her parent's friends, but otherwise Anna was the quiet friend when her friend's parents were around.

She rang the door, and a lovely woman with a warm smile opened, greeting her and inviting her to come in. As soon as Freddie saw her, he went to the lobby to embrace her, before she could even give him the gift she had for him – a shawl, she really had a thing for shawls lately – which she thought would fit Freddie perfectly. At the very end of the table, Freddie's father was sitting, majestic, and impressive, not a single emotion on his face, which seemed pretty scary at first, but Anna could work up with that. John already sat there, chatting with Freddie's sister, Kashemira, a cup of tea in his hand. Mary and her deaf dad were also there. “Presenting the step-family,” Anna joked when Freddie told her about inviting him. And Roger, sitting next to John, trying to talk with Kashemira and John, unsuccessfully. And when he saw her, he smiled, and waved, shyly, before showing her the place next to him. Anna couldn't refuse, and another place was empty, she could save it for Brian. Whom arrived late, scolded by Freddie himself, because of his parent's car being extremely moody lately.

After a lovely dinner, and the opening of the presents, Freddie's mother brought the birthday cake, as Anna chatted carelessly with Brian about the bloody car needing to be repaired but he still couldn't afford it, neither did his parents. He was thinking about buying a car for himself, to which information Roger replied with great enthusiasm, offering his help with the choice – with taste and budget, he said.

“I am so glad to see that Farrokh made such amazing friends, and has such a delightful girlfriend,” Freddie's mother said after putting the cake in front of the birthday boy, and looking fondly at him then at them.

“Farrokh,” Mary repeated, as everybody looked curiously at Freddie whose face expressed panic. He looked at his mother, reproaching her what she had just said.

“Did Farrokh not tell you he was born in Zanzibar,” his mother continued, without even paying attention to her son's eyes. Brian frowned, and shook his head before looking at Freddie, intensely.

“I used to know a girl who was Zanzibari,” Roger commented proudly, probably, as he looked at Anna and she smiled back at him.

“Such an international man,” she commented sarcastically.

“I thought Freddie was born in London,” John said, interrupting the two's little conversation, among others.

“Oh yes, he was... At the age of eighteen,” Kash commented, with a smirk on her face, looking directly at Freddie.

“Shut up,” he quickly snapped, a cue which nobody paid attention to.

“Our family is Indian Parsee,” their mother continued, as she went to look for their family album.

“Mom, please don't,” he almost begged her – he begged her.

“We want to see,” Mary insisted, encouraging their mother, with Anna's approval, nodding vigorously.

“Let's have a look at these then, the ladies want it,” she concluded, delighted, as she put the album in front of Mary.

“We need to see those,” Brian commented, before Freddie's father began to explain the Parsee history, absorbing Brian and John mostly.

“Look at this,” Mary said, showing Anna the picture of Freddie from across the table. She took a better look at it, a young and slender Freddie with boxing gloves on his hands. His teeth clearly prominent on his pretty face, and an unsure look. Nothing that Freddie was at that moment. Especially not unsure.

“He was quite a good boxer,” their mother proudly affirmed. Roger, when Freddie got up to the living room – seeking for sanctuary from the shame his mother was putting him in, sitting on the piano chair, and beginning to hit delicately the keys – took place next to Kashemira, leaving Anna alone, but not for long: John soon took place next to her.

“He had to be,” Kashemira jokingly said, “his opponents were trying to punch his teeth in!”

“Fair enough, good target,” Roger almost cooed into Kashmira's ear. Anna rolled her eyes, being apparently the only one to notice this little game of his in the middle of the whole agitation.

Agitation leading Freddie to sit by the piano, moving his fingers without any purpose on the keys, and humming something, “I come from London town”. Anna looked back, distracted from the chatter all around her to look at Freddie, singing a happy birthday to himself, catching her smile as she mouthed “beautiful” and he bowed. What an amazing human being, Anna thought before Brian's hand met her shoulder to catch her attention again. Even the ringing phone that Kashemira gave to Freddie right after didn't draw her attention to what was happening in the living room – almost silence, something unusual for Freddie being in presence of an instrument near him.

“So Freddie told me you're a sort of scientist,” their mother told Brian, with the album between his hands, handing it to Anna now as he looked her in the eyes, smiling. Anna grabbed what he gave her, and showed it to John, who quickly glanced over the pictures.

“Astrophysics actually,” Brian corrected.

“He is very good at it,” Anna added, and Brian just waved it off, shyly.

“And he's a dentist,” John intervened, pointing Roger, sitting next to Kashemira, his hand lazily resting on her backrest.

“I was never a dentist,” he emphasized. “Never.”

“He's a dentist,” John and Anna replied in unison, before laughing as they saw Roger's displeased face.

“I personally wouldn't let him touch my teeth,” Brian admitted, “did you know that on the last exam he told his teacher that he doesn't know the meaning of a word in Greek because 'we're not studying Greek here, we're dentists!',” Brian imitated Roger's offended and annoyed voice, and the real Roger could just roll his eyes before turning towards Kashemira.

“Kash, what are you doing later,” he carelessly asked, recovering pretty quickly from what was previously said about him.

“Homework,” she confusingly replied.

“No, she won't let you examine her teeth, Roger,” Anna said, before anybody could draw their attention to what Roger was actually doing. “Don't you see, her teeth are perfectly white and beautiful even from there?”

“I just wanted to check if,” Roger began before being interrupted by John.

“He needs to wear his glasses,” John's word snapped right in front of Roger, displeased at least.

“John, by the bloody gods....”

“I have an announcement,” Freddie solemnly said, cutting short the beginning of a heated discussion about Roger's sight. “One of the A&R men from EMI got our demo, and gave it to John Reid. You know, the one looking after Elton John,” Anna and Mary's eyes met, glistening in anticipation already. “Mr. Reid wants to meet us, Queen, and who knows, even manage us.”

“Oh shut up,” was the only reaction coming from John's lips as he leaned back on his chair, putting his face into his hands.

“You're joking,” Roger said, and immediately after looked at Anna who smiled at him, her head resting on Brian's shoulder.

“He said he wants to see us tomorrow, midday, in the pub next to the Thames,” Freddie added, putting his hand around Mary's neck, and smiling.

After the desert, the rain.

~~~~ 

Anna and Mary stood next to the props, arms crossed. The boys were looking absolutely marvelous, the makeup team and the stylist outdid themselves, truly. Brian looked like a majestic black butterfly as he held the unplugged Red Special in his hands, the sleeves of his shirt creating the most beautiful curtain under his arms as the collar was richly decorated with shiny pearls, Zandra Rhodes he said to her as they dressed him up. Freddie's look was truly outrageous, the sparkling glove added a magical touch to all of this as he held the microphone with his black painted nails, taping on it nervously now. The black leather jacket John wore made him look uncomfortable during the whole embarrassing moment, but he said nothing, nodding slightly as the atmosphere heated up quickly. But Anna's gaze was mostly drawn towards Roger and the silver choker he wore. His hair was nonchalantly falling on his shoulders, giving him an absolutely angelic look despite wearing only black. He looked almost too pretty to be a man, and Anna would lie if she wasn't jealous about the look he had right now. But, on the other hand, she didn't envy the situation the boys were put in, making this angelic face look like the face of a demon.

“This is shit,” Roger exclaimed, hitting the plastic drums with an energy he seemed to never have before, fueled by pure rage and anger.

And he was the first one to find the whole situation pretty hilarious as the staff members told them that they had to perform on tape, no real playing, It annoyed him but he knew that the drums had a sound when properly hit and hoped – God knows he hoped – that the drums he would be given would be decent ones. Everything was fun and entertaining until he saw the prop, the drum kit, this plastic toy and began to boil from the inside with the greatest rage anybody saw coming from Roger – which John found absolutely terrifying, as he told Anna.

“Are you joking,” Roger aggressively asked the poor staff member as his angelic eyes full of rage looked at him. “Put three pans and four plates and give me two chopsticks and it'll be less embarrassing, mate! A fucking children drum kit? Do you know how much I could screw your bloody teeth if I wanted to?” He was almost throwing hands with this poor staff member who followed the orders he was given.

“Roger,” Anna started before being interrupted by the director of the performance, coming near them.

“The blond man should calm down. Nobody will know the difference,” he stated.

“We will know the bloody difference,” Brian added, trying to step out a bit to not let Roger's anger explode.

“You want me to lip sync,” Freddie said with a threatening tone, as their manager stepped between the two of them.

“You'll do what I want: this is the BBC!” he concluded, turning back and going to settle everything.

“Sir, they'll be fine Sir,” their manager said, following him quickly before turning around to address the boys, “you'll be great guys!”

“This is the BBC,” Brian mocked when the two men were far enough. “Killjoy.”

“Even more than that,” Anna said. “So disappointed in Top Of The Pops...”

“Disgusted,” he even completed, scratching a few strings of the Red Special.

“I'm relieved,” John finally said, bringing the whole attention to him and especially Roger's. “Perfect performance.”

“Yeah, on your bass and not on some plastic shit they got second hand from a thrift shop, mate,” Roger complained, sour and dissatisfied.

“Darlings,” Freddie said just before Roger could burst into another wave of complaints, “we shouldn't be upset now. They want lip sync? Queen shall provide,” he explained as he bowed, his microphone in hand and all confused looks on him – but Mary's.

“Fred, I'm afraid,” Brian confessed.

“Me too,” John added as Anna just looked at him, nodding.

“Do as you please, darlings. I don't care anymore. We should have fun, play along, do whatever we want to because nobody will know the difference,” he added with a smirk before he took Mary by the hand to the center of the stage to show her something.

“Weird,” Anna commented, “but in a good kind of way.”

“I don't fucking care anymore,” Roger said, a strange feeling crossing his face, a perfect mix of anger and sarcasm, “no effort for my drum kit? Fine. No effort in this bloody last minute performance of Seven Seas of Rhye. Simple.”

And as Anna looked scared at Brian, a bell rang to notify the extras to leave the stage because the performance was soon to be started. Quickly, Anna found herself near Mary, in the crowd of young people ready to dance to the tune of Queen's song. As they heard the first notes of the piano blasting from the speakers, and Brian beginning to play, they looked at each one of the boys, faking the whole performance. From time to time they cast them a look, smiling eyes as they were playing with this ridiculous situation.

What Anna found extraordinary was Roger's attitude during the whole show. They gave him poor instruments? Fine, he would give a poor performance then. His drumsticks were barely brushing against the drum kit, as he put no effort into his movements making him look sluggish, even distant. His face seemed much more relaxed than usual, and his half-closed eyes showed his annoyance to anybody who knew him a bit. His lips were hardly pressed against the microphone as he had “to hit” some of his falsettos, his eyes avoiding the cameras around him. The only smile he gave was to Freddie, when the lead singer turned back to face him during a short moment. And another one, when he caught Anna's gaze on him. And then, a girl elbowed Anna, interrupting this strange moment between the two of them, telling her that she had a very talented brother; Anna could only chuckle and thank her warmly before looking at Mary, as if the girl had told her the greatest joke on Earth.

As they finished the first recording, they got a small pause. Anna and Mary went up the stage, thrilled about what had just happened in front of their eyes, everything looking so fake to all who knew Queen, even if Freddie was putting on a great show.

“So,” Roger said, his drumsticks in his hands as he stood next to Brian when the girls arrived.

“Compliments or truth,” Anna asked, and Brian could only sigh as he listened to the two of them.

“How was my faking it?”

“Absolutely terrible, I loved it,” she admitted with a wide grin, and then she looked up at Brian. “He was so terrible, if I were the leader I would fire him.”

“Already tried,” Brian admitted with a small smile, “even if there is no leader here. But he told me that if he's out and becomes a dentist he will hunt me until he gets all my teeth.”

“Scary Tooth Fairy.”

“Effective,” Roger corrected. “Next take I should only brush the pans and plates, a new artistic choice, because I guess my beauty already radiates enough.”

“Big show off,” Freddie said coming their way with John. “You barely smiled during the whole performance, just when Brian mouthed “We look ridiculous”,” he pointed out. “John laughed at that one too!”

“John, you looked as if a demon sucked your soul out of your body at one point,” Anna said as Mary nodded enthusiastically before giggling a bit.

“A demon sucked my soul out of my body years ago, this is why I can stand these three here,” John admitted sarcastically, knowing perfectly that Anna would catch the joke.

“Always a pleasure to hear, John,” Roger remarked.

“My pleasure, don't worry Roger.”

“Boys,” a voice apostrophed them, “two more takes and you're free!” The director himself came near them, with a satisfied expression. “You were all fantastic, nobody saw that it was on tape. Nobody.”

“We are extremely happy then,” Freddie answered, making a happy gesture towards him. “Marvelous.”

“Yeah, marvelous,” Roger repeated, as he stopped himself from rolling his eyes.

“See young man? This drum kit isn't as bad at all,” the director commented as Roger boiled from the inside, putting on a fake smile before bursting, hoping he wouldn't burst.

“Exactly what my brother was telling him,” Anna interrupted as the director quickly looked at her. She put her hand on Brian's shoulder, confidently. “Roger really out stood himself during this performance!”

“You are Mrs. May,” the director happily remarked as Brian made big eyes towards Anna. Her only reply was a look, worth a million words – play along or somebody will punch the guy and I bet on Roger, ten bucks.

“Yes, of course, my little sister, a poetess to be,” Brian said, uncomfortable with the whole situation. “Smart, looks like me, intelligent and very... Imaginative.”

“A great gift in the family I guess,” the director complimented as Anna fluttered her eyelashes with a sheepish smile.

“Absolutely, it runs in the family,” Brian sighed and was saved by the bell announcing the next take and the man left the group. “You'll owe me one you two,” Brian said, looking at Anna and Roger.

“But don't you live and lie for your sister,” Freddie asked, a cheeky smile on his face as Brian just came back to his spot, defeated. Freddie winked and followed him.

“Thanks,” Roger whispered, looking at Anna who only smiled.

~~~~ 

She giggled a long moment after they left the BBC studios, along with Mary. The two of them couldn't get enough of their fake performance, imitating them, Anna mostly making Roger's annoyed face as the whole team had a laugh, except for Roger who thought that her acting skills were very, very poor actually, not capturing the essence of his carelessness. She pretended to held the drumsticks, with only her fingertips, just like a posh princess and drummed in the air, making kissy faces, the ones Roger always did while he was concentrated.

It was time for celebration. But the team had to be complete, and it wasn't without Chrissie, Brian's girlfriend, and Veronica, John's, and both of them had to take their instruments back home. The ones who had nothing to carry with them – unless their poor hurt ego by some cheap imitations – decided to go to a pub, to get a drink before eating something when the others would come. Mary, Freddie, Roger and Anna parted ways with Brian and John near a nice pub where they would stay until the others would join them. The same pub Anna and Brian had eaten the last time they went to the market to see Roger and Freddie in their little shop. The pub was actually pretty nicely decorated, plants were climbing everywhere and the lighting was reddish as the sun came slowly down; people were already laughing inside, a few pints already taken, having a great time it seemed. The small group seated at a large table, saving some space for the four others yet to come.

Anna was sitting next to Roger, facing Mary, they both smiled at each other every time the boys were talking about the performance, again and again. Anna ordered a pint for herself, and so did the others. Loudly speaking, they were somehow ecstatic about what had happened to them – forgetting about the fake playing part – because, bloody hell, they were on the BBC, fake playing or not. And that, after months of doubts, sleepless nights and arguments. Something incredible. And as the others slowly arrived, the memories of what happened were surfacing again, just like new adventures to be told to Chrissie and Veronica mostly but not only. The whole situation made the two girls who weren't there laugh immensely; at some point, Anna mentioned the fact that Brian has a sister now as she looked at Chrissie and Brian rolled his eyes.

“I did it for the greater good,” she explained herself, a hand on her chest. “Roger was ready to throw hands with the manager of the BBC, which, in my opinion, wasn't as good as planned.”

“They guy deserved it,” Roger loudly said, rising his pint as he looked at Anna. “I killed the performance nonetheless.”

“You were playing like a slag, Roger,” Anna told him, her boldness coming from the second pint she drank in the evening, after eating some chicken pie. “Sluggishly,” she added as Roger's mouth went agape. He absolutely wasn't expecting that comment coming from her. Absolutely not. Nor were the others whose expressions were priceless now.

“Anna killed Roger and maybe not only Roger I'm afraid,” Brian remarked, not impressed by his friend's attitude at all, as Freddie started to laugh and clapped his hands.

“You better watch out for your sister's mouth,” Roger threatened, as he looked at Brian, “you should teach her manners, for fuck's sake,” he added as Anna gave him the most innocent smile ever. “And also, she's a liar so, you know, education went wrong somewhere.”

“Don't you talk like this about my sister, Roger,” Brian answered as Freddie hummed the tune of Liar during the whole exchange as Anna tried hard to not burst into laughter with Mary. “And you,” he said while pointing at Anna, “young lady, are not allowed to drink anymore.”

“No fun, thought An and Bri would the best siblings on Earth” she complained, pouting like a child which made the whole group smile.

“You'll thank me tomorrow.”

As they finished their dinner, already tipsy, they were heading to the club, in need of space to dance.

 Anna was the first in line to leave her jacket in the cloakroom, all excited to be able to dance, freely. She loved dancing, it was absolutely her thing – obviously when she was bold enough to do it. Roger waited with her for a few minutes at the others were giving their coats away, her sparkling eyes were looking at him as she looked excited about what was about to come. He looked at this tall girl, getting as excited as a small child before Christmas just because she was having a great time with her friends. And once Mary and Freddie joined her, she became unstoppable.

She loved music, she loved how her body pulsed with it, she loved being free and careless. She shouted so many lyrics along with Freddie as they had their arms around each other's shoulder, lulling their heads. She danced with Mary, among other bodies, putting her arms on her shoulders, as if they were about to slow dance, moving in sync with the melodies; everything was so heated, it was so hot in here, people were looking at them under the flickering lights as a group of people, mostly the trio, was dancing, attracting all eyes on them. And Anna was radiating, her smile could give goosebumps, her laugh was so divine, and people – some of them especially – were noticing it.

She was able to see Brian, Chrissie, John – who after a few drinks started to tilt his head, and it was only a matter of time before he took his girlfriend to dance – and Veronica with the corner of her eye, but Roger was nowhere to be seen now. The last time she saw him, he was sitting next to a girl who played with the straw in her drink, giggling as Roger spoke to her. A typical Roger move, she saw him in action many times, classic. And she headed towards Brian, asking Chrissie if she could borrow her boyfriend, and her own brother, to dance a bit with him, a smiling Chrissie nodded as Brian dramatically bid her adieu. Anna had Brian's hands in hers, choppy movements were made, laughs exchanged and, as if they were in high school, they began to have great time together, dancing. And after a moment, Anna came closer to Brian's ear.

“Roger's rogering around, as always,” she commented, going through Brian's hair to say it into his ear.

“Typical Roger,” he admitted with a little smirk, “bonus points if he brings the girl back home. But won't happen tonight.”

“Ten bucks we don't see him and he's with the girl tonight,” Anna bet, looking confidently at Brian.

“Ten buck he gets back home alone, but maybe a bit relieved,” Brian told her as he offered her his hand to bet.

“I'm gonna be rich,” Anna chanted, teasing him as she danced away, joining Freddie and Mary, her arms carelessly moving in the air as Brian stood there, laughing before going back to sit next to his girlfriend.

Anna felt like suffocating after a few moments, it was so hot in here, and her being tipsy and thirsty wasn't helping it at all, she had to take another beer, screw Brian's lessons about not drinking too much, she was just happily tipsy, not blackout tipsy. Not yet. She had to grab a drink, right now. She looked at the bar, no Brian in sight, which was actually a very nice surprise – was he dancing? Making out with Chrissie? Who knew. – and this was Anna's opportunity to take another pint. Marvelous. She ordered a beer, drumming on the counter as the bartender was taking a pint and filling it, the drink foamed and almost fell out from the glass, but the bartender's talents were way too good to let it happen. He put the drink in front of her, and as she reached her pocket to pay the drink, a pale hand put the money in front of her. She fluttered her eyelashes, looking at the man next to her, paying her drink. She was ready to smile at him, thank him and tell him that that's not because he paid her a drink she would dance with him. Instead, she saw Roger's blue eyes looking at her, his smiling eyes.

“Drink's on me,” he said as the bartender took the money and slid away.

“Wow, Mr. Taylor's such a gentleman tonight,” she remarked, her hand on the glass. “Want some,” she offered before rising the pint to her lips.

“Enjoy your drink, I'll take a shot.”

“Oooh,” Anna gasped after drinking a sip of her beer, “didn't manage to catch that girl?”

“What?”

“I actually lost ten bucks because of you,” she admitted as she looked at him with a smile, “ was pretty sure you'd bring that girl home, but was wrong. My bad, respectable sir.”

“You're fucking shitfaced Anna,” he whispered as the bartender gave him a shot.

“Not yet,” she replied rising her finger before taking another sip, “but soon to be if I drink too much.” Her eyes were gleaming under the club's lights, reflecting purples, blues and reds as she looked at him for a longer moment.

“What?”

“Wanna dance with me, Mr. Taylor, pretty please,” she almost begged like a little child, as she was finishing her pint before standing next to him, waiting for an answer. She stretched her hand towards him. “Pretty please?”

“Yup, wanna dance with you,” he finally said and drank the shot before taking her hand.

With Roger's hand in hers, she managed to get through the dancing bodies to find a nice spot to dance with him, somewhere where they would have a little more space. She began to move, between the dancing bodies, locking her eyes on him as she mouthed the lyrics of the songs she heard. She was absolutely feeling it, she close her eyes as Roger was drawn to her. They began to dance together, slowly, her back against his chest now; she felt every breath he took, every movement he made. He had his hands around her waist, as he put his chin on her shoulder, slowly moving with her, in sync. None of them cared about how this looked, the music was good and the moment so perfect, nothing could ruin it. After a few beats, she decided to face him, putting her hands around his neck as he still had his hands on her waist, and she looked deeply into his blue eyes. Maybe for too long, she didn't know, but everything seemed to fade around them, the bodies blurred and only him. She was tipsy, slightly drunk, it was all because of the drinks she had, the last pint was maybe too much, she had to admit it.

And then, her eyes lighted up, Roger saw it before he could hear anything. She heard the first notes of Seven Seas of Rhye. She almost screamed, as Roger smiled fondly looking at her. She looked for the band, and she found them, standing next to the bar, all looking at them dancing and she caught Freddie's gaze with a large smile. And before Roger could tell anything, she grabbed his hand off her waist and took him through the crowd again, to join the dancing band.

And as their arrived, Freddie's voice blasted in the club. Anna took Chrissie by her hand, and began to dance with her, amused by the whole situation, as the girl shyly moved along with her. Freddie's arm around Mary's shoulder, he was singing the lyrics, trying to out-voice the speakers as Brian faked playing guitar, standing next to Roger who drummed in the air, with his fingers. John took a shy Veronica by the hand, and began to dance with her, as she giggled during the whole dance.

“I belong to you forever,” Roger sang, looking at Anna, she was stunning and careless as she danced with Chrissie, smiling.

“Forever, forever,” Brian continued as he elbowed Roger with a little smile.

Their first success, their first successful night, a great celebration. Maybe one of the greatest moment in their lives, especially for some of them.

[three-drink-amy]

If After All These Years, You’d Like to Meet

Note:  Here we are, six months exactly after I posted the first chapter. This was the first fic I wrote for this fandom and it was an absolute pleasure to write! The reaction has been unbelievable and has made me want to continue writing not only this one, but other stories. This story ended up being so much longer than I ever expected I could write. I loved this version of these characters and I'm so glad that others did too! I hope you enjoy this final installment. Thank you for all the support and feedback!

master list - AO3

Chapter Twenty-Two

Claire sat on the picnic blanket, stroking her large belly. She could hear high pitched giggles carrying through the air as her husband and their child approached the picnic site. “Mama!” Claire looked over to see her second child hanging off Jamie’s shoulders, his arms keeping her from falling. 

“Couldn’t find Ellen?” Claire asked, reaching her arms out for her child. Jamie handed her over before sitting down next to Claire. 

“She ran off wi’ Young Ian,” Jamie explained. “Jenny went to find her and send her up this way.” 

“You think she knows it well enough?” Claire asked, her eyes scanning the field. 

“Aye. She spends plenty of time here,” Jamie reminded her. “Plus, she and Ian have wandered everywhere together. I’m sure she knows this land better than we did at her age.” 

Claire grinned. “I don’t know about that. I was talking about the cave the other day and she had no idea it existed. It was probably a bad idea to mention it.” 

“Mama, I wanna eat,” Lucy cried, curling in closer to her mother. 

Claire leaned down and planted a kiss on the small girl’s head. “Soon, sweetheart. We’re waiting on your sister.” 

Lucy sighed dramatically. “I dinna want to wait.” 

Claire glanced over at Jamie as they shared a look. A jolt to her stomach made Claire gasp. She laid a hand over the spot that had just been kicked rather violently. “Goodness,” she sighed. Jamie scooted closer and ran a hand along her stomach, leaning down to kiss it. “Don’t get too close. He might kick you too.” 

Jamie laughed, leaning back as he picked up Lucy and held her in his lap. “I’ll leave that privilege to ye, Sassenach,” he said with a grin. 

“Of course you will.” 

“Do ye need me to have a stern talk wi’ the lad?” Jamie asked. He leaned down, his head resting on her stomach. “Now ye listen to me, Henry Brian Fraser, ye’re no’ to be using yer mam like a human football. She willna thank ye verra much for it. And then I’ll have to be doing all the changings when ye’re out.” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “On second thought, stay there. Let your son kick you.” She smacked his arm as he sat up. 

The sound of quickly approaching feet grabbed both their attention as they saw their five year old daughter running toward them. “Ellen, nice of ye to join us,” Jamie remarked, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking down. “Ian and I were having an adventure.” 

“Of course you were,” Claire commented as she moved to finally spread out the food. “We did tell you though that we’d be going on our Fraser family picnic at a certain time though.” 

“I know. I’m sorry,” Ellen said, settling down next to Claire. 

“Yer sister’s getting verra hungry,” Jamie informed her. 

“El’s here. I wanna eat!” Lucy yelled this time. 

“Yes, ma’am,” Claire responded, handing Jamie the container with Lucy’s lunch. 

They sat there and had their picnic, fulfilling the little tradition they’d started just over five years before, right before Ellen was born. Jamie had convinced Claire they should go back to Scotland one last time before she had the baby. Even though travel had been anything but enjoyable, she agreed because she truly loved being back in Scotland. And Jenny’s knowledge and advice was a comfort as Claire went through her first pregnancy. About two months before Lucy was born, Jamie had suggested they make it a tradition. This pregnancy, they didn’t even need to address it. They’d both decided it would happen again. Traveling with their children was never easy either, but they found themselves back in Scotland much more often as their family grew. 

Jamie and Claire had been married at Lallybroch in a small but beautiful ceremony. They didn’t need much more than the quiet simplicity with their friend group and Jamie’s family. Their married life hadn’t changed much from when they’d moved in together, but they were still blissfully happy. 

The biggest change had come when Claire got pregnant. 

“We have to be clever,” Claire reminded Jamie. “They’re going to know something’s up if I’m not drinking.” 

Jamie sighed. “I know, Sassenach. Ye’ve mentioned this ten times.” Claire turned and glared at him. 

“I’m sorry, perhaps the energy from growing your child wiped it from my mind,” she retorted. “Look, I don’t want to steal the focus from Rupert and Hannah tonight. So we just need to be sneaky. It’s too early to tell them anyway.” 

“The doctor said ye’re having a very healthy pregnancy. Surely it would be fine if they found out,” Jamie reasoned. 

“Why jinx it?” 

Jamie nodded with a shrug as he followed Claire into the private room of a restaurant where they were meeting the rest of their friends. 

It was only two years after Jamie and Claire had been married. Rupert had met Hannah at a work party Jamie and Louise had decided to throw. Sparks had immediately flown and they’d just gotten engaged. The group was all getting together for a small engagement dinner at the couple’s favorite restaurant. 

Everyone gathered in a circle, drinks raised in the air. Claire tried to be nonchalant about her water she was toasting with. Rupert was starting to speak when his eyes locked on Claire’s glass. 

“Claire? Do ye only have water? Ye canna just toast wi’ water,” he pointed out. 

Everyone turned to look at her. The hand of Jamie’s that was resting on her waist tensed slightly. “Uh, no, it’s vodka,” Claire lied. 

“You’re drinking a full glass of vodka?” John asked, his brow furrowed. “Doubtful.” 

“Who cares what I’m drinking? Let’s just toast!” Claire exclaimed, trying to throw off the attention. 

“Claire, honey,” Louise began, turning from the happy couple to watch Claire. “Is there a reason you’re drinking water?” 

Claire sighed. “Just trying to cut back a bit,” she tried. “You know, we really do drink a lot.” 

“We havena been out in weeks,” Willie stated. 

“Aye, especially ye and Jamie,” Angus said as he narrowed his eyes at them. 

“Could it be…” Geillis asked. 

“Could it be that it’s Rupert and Hannah’s big night and we’re supposed to be toasting them? Yes, indeed,” Claire said, still trying to avert attention. 

“Hannah, give me yer ring,” Rupert said. Hannah laughed as she took it off and placed it on his palm. “There, tis like we’re no’ engaged. Now, Claire, tell us.” He took a long pause. “Are ye pregnant?” 

She still couldn’t admit it. “What makes you think I’m pregnant? Just because of the water?” 

“That and yer boobs are huge,” Geillis remarked. 

“Aye, they are, aren’t they?” Jamie said with a grin. 

“Jamie!” Claire scolded, slapping his arm. 

“Sorry.” 

Hannah met Claire’s gaze. “Claire, don’t worry about stealing our spotlight. Are you pregnant?” 

Claire took one look at Jamie and he gave her a look that said “Up to you.” She shrugged and took a deep breath. “I am,” she admitted quietly. 

The whole group burst out in cheers and yells, clearly very excited for the both of them. Jamie and Claire were met with hugs and claps on the back as their friends joined in their formerly private celebration. 

“I canna believe ye’re pregnant,” Geillis said, tears in her eyes. “This is incredible!” 

“Well done, lad,” Rupert said to Jamie with a wink. Jamie laughed but Claire glared at Rupert. 

“This is amazing news!” Hector joined in. 

“Your baby just needs to know that I was your child first,” John reminded them. The whole group burst out in laughter at that. 

“Well thank you all,” Claire said, wrapping her arm around Jamie’s waist. “Now, Rupert give Hannah back that ring so we can celebrate your big news instead of ours.” 

They smiled as Rupert slid the ring back on her finger and the group resumed toasting the newly engaged couple. As they sat around the table eating dinner and unhelpfully making suggestions for the future wedding, Rupert set his sights on John and Hector. 

“So lads, when will it be yer turn?” Rupert asked, one brow raised. 

John rolled his eyes before he placed his hand over Hector’s on the table. “We’re taking our time. What’s the rush?” 

Claire had been largely pregnant (and indignant about it) at Rupert and Hannah’s wedding. It had been rather the opposite of Jamie and Claire’s wedding. The whole thing was large and boisterous, but also fun. Claire and Jamie made sure to avoid Dougal Mackenzie as best they could. A lot of Jamie’s cousins he didn’t speak with much were there. Claire picked up on some of their comments on not being invited to Jamie’s wedding. Neither of them had any regrets though. 

When Ellen was eighteen months old, John and Hector finally got engaged. They had a long engagement and by the time their wedding day arrived, Claire was pregnant with Lucy. 

Claire appreciated the sight of Jamie standing up at the altar. It had been since their own wedding that she’d been afforded such a view. She couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked in his tux. Claire bent down as best she could to whisper to Ellen. “Okay, darling, you see Da up there? All you have to do is walk up to him. If you drop some flowers on the ground on the way there, even better.” John laughed as he stood next to Claire. “Think you can do it?” 

Ellen looked up, a bit unsure. The little girl looked down the aisle to her father who was nodding and gesturing for her to walk to him. Suddenly she straightened up and set back her shoulders and walked slowly and calmly down the aisle, dropping petals one at a time. Claire laughed and shook her head as she watched her daughter walk from her to Jamie. 

“I want to take a moment to say thank you, Claire,” John whispered to her. 

Claire looked over at John in confusion. “Whatever for?” 

“For all you’ve done for me and Hector. For all you’ve done for me in general,” John explained. 

“And yet you still chose Jamie as your best man,” Claire reminded him. “What happened to us Sassenachs sticking together?” 

John chuckled. “You know it had to be Jamie.” 

She grinned, nudging him with her shoulder. “I know.” 

“But I couldn’t walk down the aisle without my mother,” John said, extending his arm to her. Claire smiled brightly as she linked her arm through his. “Seriously though, you’re a wonderful person, Claire. You’ve brought so much joy to my life just by being my friend.” 

“Dear God, John. At least pretend you’re British,” Claire remarked, trying to hold in tears. “You can’t say these things to a pregnant lady.” 

“If it weren’t for you and Jamie, I don’t think I’d even be with Hector, so thank you,” John continued. “You both did so much for me after...after the attack. I don’t think most relationships would have survived something like that on the first date.” 

“I think that speaks more to you and Hector than it does to Jamie and I helping you,” Claire admitted. 

“Perhaps. But you pushed me to take care of myself and helped me while I was trying to do so. You both did. You guys changed my life,” John said, leaning in to kiss Claire’s cheek, “And I’ll be forever grateful.” 

Tears were starting to spill from Claire’s eyes. “Well what kind of parents would we be if we didn’t do so?” she teased. The music changed, signaling their time to walk down the aisle. She squeezed his arm. “But in all seriousness, we love you. Both of you.” 

John smiled brightly as he started walking with her. “The feeling is mutual.” 

“I will say, I’m a bit mad that you followed Rupert’s lead and got married while I was largely pregnant,” Claire remarked. 

“Well maybe you should keep your legs closed for a bit,” John joked. 

Claire smacked his arm lightly, stifling a laugh as they processed down the aisle.

On their walk back to the house after their picnic, Lucy fell asleep in Jamie’s arms. Claire could tell that Ellen was getting tired too, but she would surely fight a nap. She often tried to tell her parents that she was too old to nap. Claire craved some rest herself. 

Jamie quietly walked up to the room Lucy and Ellen were sharing and tucked Lucy in. Ellen had found Ian and Caitlin in the kitchen and was trying to rally so she could spend time with them. Claire shrugged, deciding to let Ellen do what she wanted. She turned and laid down on the couch, needing some rest herself. 

She didn’t end up getting much before Jamie found her. “Are ye up to go look at something wi’ me, mo nighean donn?” Jamie asked. 

Claire groaned. “What are we looking at?” she asked, not opening her eyes. “Your son is draining my energy.” 

“Tis a surprise, I’m afraid,” Jamie said with a small grin. 

“You’re trying to get me to go somewhere with you and you won’t say where?” Claire asked. “If I weren’t eight months pregnant, I’d think this was an excuse for a romp somewhere. But I think you know that’s not happening.” 

Jamie laughed, kneeling down next to the couch. “Nah, no’ that, sadly.” He laid his hand high up on her thigh. “Though ye ken there are other ways of finding some pleasure,” he reminded her as he waggled his eyebrows and moved his hand up higher. 

Claire slapped at his hand as she laughed. “Jamie, your sister is in the next room. Not to mention our daughter.” 

He chuckled, moving his hand instead to rest on her stomach as he kissed her gently. “No’ to worry, I ken our potential audience.” He jumped up, extending an arm to her. “Will ye join me? We can take the car.” 

“It’s that far away?” Claire asked. 

“Tis further than ye’d want to walk.” 

She shook her head with a sigh and smacked her hand into his. 

They stood in front of her parents’ old house, still in surprisingly good shape. “You know you’ve brought me here before, right?” 

“Aye, I ken that,” Jamie said, still looking up at the house. He bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. “But there’s something ye dinna ken about the place.” 

“What’s that?” 

“Tis for sale,” Jamie told her, turning to meet her gaze. “And...I put an offer on it.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” Claire said, looking between him and the house. 

“I ken I should have mentioned something earlier, but I had to jump on it. When I was up in Glasgow for work last month, I saw the sign as I was driving to Lallybroch. I stopped, stared at it for a long time, and then I called them and asked to see the place,” Jamie confessed. 

“You did this all without telling me?” Claire asked him. 

“Yes, and I ken that was wrong. We should decide things together. But I havena officially purchased it. Tis still just an offer,” Jamie rushed to say. “I want yer final decision before I sign anything.” 

“Look, obviously this house means a lot to me,” Claire admitted, “but it’s in Scotland. I know we’re doing pretty well, but not ‘have two residences’ well.” 

“I ken that too, but we’ve also talked about moving out of London,” Jamie reminded her. “Wi’ the girls and now the new bairn, it would be a good time for it.” 

“And so you think we should move back up here?” Claire asked. 

“We’ve talked about it.” 

“I know we have. But we never came to a decision.” Claire sighed. Her heart yearned to go back in and walk the halls she used to walk with her parents. “So we have an offer on this?” 

“Aye, they’ve actually accepted it,” Jamie told her. “But I said I had to talk it over wi’ my wife before I signed anything.” He watched her as she stared at the house. “Living in London is no’ what it was when we reunited there. Rupert, Hannah, and Angus all live in Edinburgh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Louise took that job in Paris.” 

“She did.” 

“Geillis would probably follow us as an excuse to go back to Scotland,” Jamie argued. 

Claire laughed. “You’re right, she probably would.” 

“That really only leaves Willie, John, and Hector. And you know Willie has one foot out the door.” 

“Yeah, I think he does,” Claire agreed with a sigh. 

“Our days of spending the weekends closing down a pub wi’ our friends have been over for a while now,” Jamie admitted. “And we pay quite a lot on our home. The city is a grand place, but tis no’ like here. We were both raised here and enjoyed it, aye?” 

Claire finally took her eyes off the house and looked over at Jamie. “Aye.” She smiled, moving to tuck herself into his side. “Yes, we certainly did.” She shook her head as she weighed all his arguments. “As much as I love London and will always love London, it would be nice to be closer to the family. And to have more space for the kids to be kids.” 

“Aye, that’s just what I was thinking as well.” 

“The group has dispersed so it’s not like we’d be staying for them. And we should be thinking of our family before them anyway,” Claire reasoned. “And Ellen definitely loves it up here. I don’t think she’d have any issues with the move.” 

Jamie smiled, thinking of how naturally his daughter had taken to the land. It brought him such joy to see her tear across the same fields he’d done so. “We always talked about leaving the city someday, but when I saw this was becoming available, it seemed like a sign.” 

Claire let out a deep breath, running a hand absentmindedly over her stomach. “I could see that.” She turned to look at Jamie. “But what about our jobs?” 

“I could get transferred up here,” Jamie informed her. “I spoke wi’ my boss and it would be an easy process. There’s the office in Glasgow, as ye ken. That would be an easy commute. Plus, there would be a hospital in Glasgow I’m sure that would want ye. Ye’re a fantastic doctor.” 

Claire rolled her eyes. “Laying it on a bit thick. Feeling guilty for doing all this behind my back?” 

“A bit. I want ye to be on board, but I willna push ye toward something ye dinna want to do,” Jamie assured her. “Whatever we both want for our family is the most important. I can take back the offer on this and we can find something outside London if ye’d rather.” 

Claire was silent for a long time as she thought through each aspect of Jamie’s plan. The fact that it was her parents’ old home, the last place she’d had a family before her children came along did make it feel like a sign. London had linked her to Uncle Lamb and when he’d passed, that was what she needed. That was what had felt like home. But now that she was a mother, she craved the idea of a link to her parents again. The idea that her children could grow up and play in the same place that their parents and aunt and uncles did gave her a ridiculous amount of joy. Lallybroch had always brought her happiness and peace. Getting to be there regularly sounded pretty perfect. She’d just never considered the option until now. 

Claire turned around and looked at the road that led to Lallybroch. She saw the backyard where she used to play in the refurbished shed. There was the tree that was much easier to climb than the ones at Lallybroch. This place held so many sweet memories that she’d held close to her heart in the years after she left Scotland. Suddenly, with a kick from the baby, the decision became very easy. 

“Leave the offer on the table,” she said as she walked up to the front porch. Turning around, she saw Jamie’s broad grin as he strolled towards her. 

He wrapped his arms around her. “Ye mean it? Ye’re sure?” 

Claire nodded. “London was our home for a while. And we both loved it and will always love it. And we can take the kids back and show them all the wonderful parts of it. But Scotland is also our home. And it’s where we should be. I didn’t really think about it until you showed me all of this.” She felt another swift kick. Claire laughed, rubbing a hand along her belly. “And I think Henry agrees. He thinks this is our home too.” 

Jamie smiled, bending down to kiss her belly. “Smart lad.” He looked at her. “Ye’re sure?” 

Claire wrapped her arms around his neck as best she could with her large stomach between them. “Yes I am. It just feels right.” She leaned up as Jamie leaned down and met her for a kiss.

“Well then, welcome home, Claire Beauchamp Fraser,” Jamie announced, gesturing to the house. “Apparently there’s only been one family living here since ye last did. When I looked through it, there didna seem to be too much changed. It seemed just the same.” 

Claire curled into his side, staring at the house. “That sounds nice. But realistically, we’ll probably have a lot to change. You know you’ll want a nicer kitchen than the outdated one my parents had.” 

Jamie laughed, wrapping his arm around her. “We can make whatever changes ye like, a nighean.” 

Claire leaned up and kissed his cheek. “This is a terrible time to be making a big move,” she reminded him, looking down at her prominent belly. “But I can’t deny that it seems perfect.” 

They stood there for a while longer, intermittently sharing a silence and crafting plans. Soon they turned back for Lallybroch, enjoying how quickly they got there. That night, they sat down to tell the girls the news, hoping they’d be as excited as Jamie and Claire were becoming. 

Ellen was very thrilled at the prospect of being minutes away from her cousins instead of hours. Lucy didn’t seem to really know what it all meant, but was smiling nonetheless. Claire held her youngest daughter on her lap as she watched Jamie hold their eldest and share in the excitement of the upcoming move. 

Jenny and Ian were also quite thrilled at the idea of having them so close. Their children were already inseparable during their visits. They all shared the same joy at the idea of their children living out a similar happy childhood as their own. The Frasers and the Murrays must have been destined to spend their childhoods on those lands. 

It was three months later that they finally moved into the house. Wrapping up their lives in London while also welcoming a new baby and trying to pack up had been chaotic. And in that time, Claire and Jamie never gave up on trying to convince John and Hector that they should move to Scotland. 

Jamie had moved up to Scotland two weeks before the big day due to the transfer. He’d taken the girls with him and entrusted them to Jenny and Ian. Claire had finished up packing away their lives when not nursing and changing Henry. She felt capable of undergoing it all by herself, but she couldn’t deny her relief and happiness when Jamie surprised her two days before the movers were due to arrive. 

They spent their last night in the house they’d welcomed all their children. The first place that had been only theirs. They’d moved in there when Claire was expecting Ellen. It had been a happy place. Though they were excited to move back to Scotland, it was a bittersweet moment. 

It felt strange to Claire to be unpacking all her new things in her old house. She felt she’d misremembered certain things in the almost thirty years since she’d lived there. But the feeling of contentment remained. And that was all that mattered. 

The girls were discovering the shed, one Jamie had made sure was still in good condition before letting them loose in, while Henry napped. Claire was down to her last box to unpack. It had only taken a couple of weeks, which seemed like an impressive undertaking with three small children. Claire had decided to wait to look for jobs until she was ready to go back to work. And at the moment, she was enjoying the time with her children, even if that just meant unpacking while they ran around and played. Jamie walked in the door from work and Claire held the last box up victoriously. 

“We did it!” she cried, waving the box over her head. “We’re officially moved in!” 

Jamie walked over and wrapped his arms around her, meeting her for a kiss. “I believe ye beat all our other records.” 

She laughed, kissing him again. “Yes, I believe I did. I’m amazing.” 

Jamie beamed at her, a smile on his face. “I’ve always thought so.” Claire shook her head, wrapping herself tighter around him. “What’s this?” Jamie asked, spotting something over her shoulder. She turned around to see him looking at the housewarming gift Jenny had dropped off earlier in the day. 

“It’s from Jenny.” 

Jamie smiled as he stared at it, wonderful memories clearly coming to mind. It was a frame that held two pictures. The first was the picture Claire had found when she’d moved to London of Jamie and Claire sitting on the fence as children. The second was the picture Jenny had insisted they take sitting on the same fence, their three children with them. 

“Tis perfect,” Jamie commented, seeming a bit choked up. 

“It is.” Claire hugged him tighter before Henry started waking, drawing her attention. She brought the baby back over, holding him between them. 

Jamie bent down to kiss his son’s head. He then kissed Claire’s forehead. “We’ll be happy here, aye?” 

The girls raced in, running past their parents for the kitchen. Claire laughed, looking around at the family they had and the life they’d built. She leaned in close to Jamie. “I think you should know by now, we’ll be happy wherever we’re together.” She kissed him softly. “You and me.” 

“And the bairns.” 

Claire laughed. “Exactly. Our family.”

Jamie leaned his forehead against hers. “Tis all we need.”

[glamrockmonarch]

The Best Friend's Wedding

Present day!Roger Taylor x Reader

Summary: The one in which R!Reader and Roger get married but it’s also a description of how R!Reader and B!Reader became friends.

Warnings: Slight angst at the beginning but then it is all fluff, I swear.

A/N: I kinda imagine B!Reader spends a lot of time in Scotland (we shall get more on that soon)... I am not a big fan of weddings for some reason, but I wanted to give R!Reader out there a beautiful story too! Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! 

|  Guide to The Original Timeline  |

• 7 hours before the wedding

"Oh, come on!" The brunette smiled at her best friend, a coffee cup in her hand. 

“I am not making a fuss!” The young bride cried into the air throwing her head back. 

“It’s nothin’! A tiny pimple, no big deal really...” Her friend tapped the r. 

“Are you gonna talk like that from now on?” The annoyed blonde turned back to her friend from the image bothering her in the mirror. 

R!Reader bit back a smile and opened her eyes wide at the other woman in her hotel room. 

The two stood facing each other in their pajamas, staring as one made fun of the other first thing in the morning. 

“You don’t have to be mean about it.” She blushed, taking a step back and clearing her throat to remind herself of the usual way in which she spoke. “I spent almost an entire year working with Scots, something had to stick, right?” 

“History!” R!Reader stuck out her hip and brought her hand to her side. “You are the poshest little thing since Regattas!”  

“Ugh, that’s nonsense!” She shook her head much like her husband often did. “And such a rich comment coming from the one who spent her summer on a boat in Ibiza...”

B!Reader rolled her eyes and strolled around the suite until she could put her coffee down on the small table across the room.

“Roger likes boats, what can I say?” She shrugged. 

R!Reader looked back at herself in the mirror and returned to her primary concern of the morning. A pimple on the side of her jawline. A horrible surprise for her wedding day. She had pictured that everything would go as planned this day; with her hair and makeup getting done right before lunch she would have the chance to really get through her morning routine without any rush. She had invited B!Reader for dinner the night before, she came along with Lola and Rory, but the young Taylors left before it got too late, making sure they would then be in top shape for the long day ahead with being maids of honour and all... 

The only one who stayed behind was B!Reader. They probably should not have stayed up till late...but they did. They definitely did not have to eat crisps at 2 am either. And the opening of a bottle of sparkling white wine each was without a doubt uncalled for. 

“I knew the snacks were a bad idea!” The blonde grunted. 

“Ah, you’ll be fine!” 

While the blonde bride moaned about in the bathroom, B!Reader went back to the room and threw herself face-first into the bed. She was glad just then that R!Reader was not her friend when she got married to Brian, in that case, she would have for sure been sporting a hangover on her way down the aisle. For the time being, she knew she had to call Brian and let him know she was okay. If she knew him, he would have finished his morning routine on the bike by then. 

“Do you know those bastards from the Sun called me “a shameless golddigger with a little mind and not much to offer but a pretty face ”?” I am actually quoting it, they wrote that after we made the announcement.”

B!Reader turned around on the fluffy bedsheets and duvet and looked at her friend with a crinkled nose and low brow. 

There it was: the good reason for her insecurities. The press.

“They know nothing about you!” She sat up, pushing herself with her elbows and then straightening her spine. “Look at us, for instance! I wasn’t sure about you at first... and then when we started talking... I realised just how funny and smart you are! Clever too! R!Reader, you’ve done things I would never dare do... and now you’re here! Don’t let these people who don’t know you put you down - at least not today!” 

The blonde crossed her arms over her chest and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards. 

“You hated me,” She declared with certain disdain. 

“No, I didn’t hate you...” B!Reader explained shaking her head.

“You didn’t like me,” R!Reader nudged her friend and sat next to her while she agreed on that one. 

The two women looked at the clock on the bedside table reading almost noon. The curtains were drawn closed and the room was still except for the tray of breakfast foods across from the pair, a steaming cup of coffee sat there. Grey lines of warmth drew shapes in the air floating around the elegant china, the French press coffee waited right next to it. 

With a grin, R!Reader looked down at her left hand and had a look at her engagement ring. The large rock shinning in her finger was surrounded by other smaller and similarly glowing rocks. She turned her head and searched for B!Reader’s eyes. 

“What do you mean...things you would never do?” She tilted her head the side, eyes narrowing at her friend’s shock. 

The brunette’s face heated up with blush and she stuttered when she spoke again. 

“Well, what I mean...what I wanted to say is... I-” She cut herself and blinked a few times before sighing and starting over. “What I mean doesn’t sound nice... I would have never cheated.”

R!Reader looked away feeling the weight of disappointment on the pit of her stomach once again. It had been a familiar feeling to her for over a year, although sometimes it still caught her off guard. It was the knowledge that she had been the other woman, and she did not like it...but it was the way it was. Many would judge for sleeping with a married man, touch and be touched by a man whose hands should have already been bound to someone else. Many people thought of her as a nasty woman. A worthless human who hurt people just because. 

These people could not be further from the truth. That whole situation was killing R!Reader slowly. Being the other woman did not mean she would wait for Roger to swing by and fuck. They did get carried away more than occasionally, yet it was not the root of their relationship. They would always speak for hours, sometimes Roger would arrive at R!Reader’s a little bit earlier than they had agreed and he would watch her make dinner, helping the slightest and distracting her the entire time. Some days she would feel ill, or be in a mood and Roger would have to swing by and hold her for a while to soothe her. Some other times he would be the one having a rough day, and the younger one would then let him rest his head on her chest and read for him.  They could spend hours together and not even kiss... she knew that although for many that did not matter as much as the sex did, this need they had to be with each other was the actual cheating. The part that was wrong and that would hurt Roger’s wife. It made R!Reader’s stomach turn, and flip around inside her. She could feel her heart sink in her chest when Roger left in the evenings, leaving her to her quiet flat and empty bed. Her body always fell limp and her mouth went dry when her friends asked about her love life. “You are such a catch, why aren’t you seeing anyone?” Some would say. It hurt even worse when the comments came from Tigerlily or Rufus. She felt responsible, guilty. 

As responsible and guilty as she felt right sitting there next to B!Reader. A woman who fell for a man obviously too old for her and did not care. A woman her age who never cheated. 

“...I wanted to,” she admitted in a whisper, making the blonde’s neck snap back up, her eyes round in shock. “We probably had many chances... with Anita going on tour with her productions and me living on my own...” She shook her head and put her hand on R!Reader’s knee, “I was too scared. I loved him already. But what if he didn’t have the strength to leave his wife? I though... I didn’t want to push him to just- use me? I... don’t know. I figured Brian already had enough on his plate, didn’t need to add more guilt on top of everything.” They looked at each other, “I wasn’t brave enough. Strong enough.” 

“You did the best for Brian, though.” The blonde whispered. “He is such a softy your husband...” 

B!Reader broke into a smile and laughed, nodding with enthusiasm. “Yes, you can say that!” 

After a moment, the bride spoke again.

“You know... in great part, Roger and I didn’t even have sex all the time! People like that to shame me for being his mistress or whatever... but mostly, we did what you used to do with Brian!”

“Hang out,” B!Reader smiled, “have fun.”

“Forget about the world!” R!Reader smiled up at the ceiling.

Her friend giggled and narrowed her eyes at her. “There must have been a lot of touching still.”

The blonde laughed, looking back at B!Reader, she was already leaning forward to stand up. “You know us!”

With a snort, B!Reader rushed her friend so she got into the shower so they could have breakfast once she came out. For the best part of the morning, they chatted and sat back to let the professionals do their hair and makeup. All of Roger’s girls, except for Rory were there that morning too, the older one had decided she would get ready on her own and assist her brothers and father with their own wedding day preparations. 

R!Reader had never been a quiet girl. From a young age, she would get in trouble constantly for being too honest and too vocal about her opinions. it... it took her a few years of practice to read the people around her before speaking up, but even then she knew how to get away with small talk. Everyone buzzing about in her hotel suite was aware of all of this, which made them all think it was odd how she was so quiet and calm today. 

She spent most of that time thinking while she was getting her hair and makeup done. She recalled her last conversation with Roger before his divorce. It had been nothing short of horrible. Their biggest argument yet. A full-on fight. She was desperate, clinging on to anything to stay afloat when it seemed that Roger was not going to go forward with ending his marriage...she felt dirty, broken and used. She called Roger “a disgusting piece of what used to be a man” because she was so hurt. He did not even defend himself, pursing his lips he let her blow like a bomb run out of time. That should have been the end of it; she thought when he left her place looking as mad as he had ever been, that there was no way they would see each other again. 

But Roger came back. 

After a moment, before she even finished calling him names and blaming him for their peculiar situation, Roger realised what the problem was. He saw her constantly closing her large sweater over her body, shielding her chest with her arms, found her eyes shining with tears and he knew. He knew those were not the result of anger but of pain. A pain he caused, there was no use in denying it like he would have done in his youth. So Roger took the verbal beating and left without saying a word. 

They met that same weekend, Roger had dropped the bomb on his wife, and it was not a pleasant thing to do...but at least it helped his relationship with R!Reader. Only a few months later his divorce was settled and the first thing he did was show up at her place with a big rock in his pocket and propose. 

• 3 hours before the wedding

“Earth to R!Reader!” Lola sang, moving her hand before her eyes. “You are so zen today!” 

“Are you okay?” One of her childhood friends said from the makeup chair where she was getting her hair braided. 

“I’m fine!” R!Reader rolled her eyes, “I’m just...” she licked her lips and sighed “overwhelmed.” 

“Aw, that’s alright!” Tigerlily came up behind her and leaned on the sofa to wrap her arms around her shoulders and put her chin on her friend’s shoulder. “It’s a big day!”

“I kinda wish we had eloped...” 

Her mother called her by her full name with a furrowed brow, making the rest of the women there laugh or giggle. 

B!Reader clapped her hands and turned to the bride’s mother. “I guess it’s time to get her dressed...” 

It was not the best day for a wedding, the weather was awful. Rain all day, clouds crowding the sky all afternoon. As R!Reader stepped into the car to get to the venue, she met her father at the door. She looked up for a second and smiled at her dad, shrugging like a child. 

The bright white Cadillac awaited, her father held her for a second and helped her in. With her eyes, at last, ignoring the sky she turned to talk to her dad. A short conversation that put them both in a good mood. From the first time, she told her father that she liked a boy when she was only 5 to highschool dates and the last of them when she brought Roger home and nobody in the family knew why in the world was she dating a man almost 50 years older than her.

“It’s a weird thing... but you were always brave. Always head first into it!” He patted his daughter’s hand. “But you always made sense. You had your way to go about things, still, do.” He paused and looked out the window, seeing the venue appearing ahead, meaning they would have to get out of the car soon. “I trust you know what you’re doing. You are old enough to.” 

R!Reader remained quiet for a moment and stretched out in the spacious car to wrap her arms around her father’s shoulders. 

“Thank you.” She whispered into their embrace. 

A moment later she stepped out of the car and stood at the end of a line with her father by her side. The walk down the aisle went by in a second to her. She watched as the guests sitting down turned their heads, necks stretching, to get a glimpse of her. The long veil covered her face and hands, going further down. She scanned through the big names, artists and famous people in the crowd. Roger could not help himself...the guest list seemed to be getting bigger and bigger every time they sat down to go over wedding details, in the end, they invited 800 people - somehow! 

Roger looked brilliant. In a three-piece burgundy suit, he was also quite happy when his young bride arrived at the temporary altar and winked at him. The two smiling at each other. Her father pulled the veil off of his daughter’s face and kissed her cheek before letting her take Roger’s tattooed hand. 

The wedding was beautiful, both Roger and R!Reader spent the entirety of the ceremony part giggling and stealing glances at each other. R!Reader at some point mouthed a “stop it!” at Rog when he winked at her and made her blush in front of one of the many cameras they had hired to film and photograph the event.  Once Felix stepped forward and brought them the rings, he rolled his eyes at the couple, trust his dad to be fooling around in the middle of his own wedding... although it made sense and bothered no one who realised it: the odd couple had waited for too long to be able to be public and the treatment R!Reader got from the media left a lot to be desired. Now they did not care, and they were paying no attention to anyone else but each other today. Felix was almost completely ignored by the groom and bride, who grabbed the rings and put them on each other’s fingers without taking their eyes from each other. Roger did not bother hiding his smile as he did so, and his bride struggled to contain her joy in a smile through tight lips and gleaming eyes. 

By the time the ceremony came to an end, R!Reader was sniffing, some tears had slipped but she wiped them quickly before turning to her husband. Oh, because they were now married. The knot was tied, and now they were free to not give a fuck about the press together. As it should have always been.  And not one person in the guests’ list was surprised when Roger wrapped his arms around his wife and pulled her close. 

She put her arms around his neck and let her right wrist fall on top of the left one as she smiled up at him, grinning in pure joy before he kissed her lips long and hard. People behind them cheered and clapped, and she giggled, pecking his lips to put her forehead against his. 

“I can’t believe it’s done...” She whispered. 

To which Roger replied by saying: “easy as that!” 

She cupped his cheek and pecked his lips again before the finally turned to their guests to walk outside to the smaller bar part of the venue so the planner and his crew could get the salon ready for the reception.  It was in this time that R!Reader and Roger took a chance to go to a different salon and have their pictures taken, first only the couple and then with the maids of honour, all three of Roger’s daughters and B!Reader; and the best men, both Felix and Rufus, plus Adam and Brian.  

The reception started a good fifteen minutes later with the couple being introduced as they came out to perform their first dance, the two stepped out to the piano playing the first few notes of the song the couple chose, the interpreters on stage, as a personal favour to Roger; Elton came through to play one song but not without giving R!Reader a small surprise by bringing his - almost - baby son Taron on stage to sing with him for them. 

“It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...” Elton sang from the piano as Roger held R!Reader.

She had no idea Roger had arranged for the interpreters of the song to be something else than a good recording... She was over the moon, singing along and holding on to her husband.  The two would not stop singing to each other quietly. 

“I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind That I put down in words How wonderful life is while you're in the world”  

The two kissed as the last notes played and their guests clapped around them in an echo they could barely hear.

...

[deakydeaky]

Can i request some head canons for joe finding out you are pregnant and how he reacts and is with you and how he helps you through the birth and stuff cus i feel this would be very cute.

(A/N; We didn’t make them married or anything but you’ll find out that out soon and we also got super into it so we hope it’s liked! Thank you for the request, they are always welcomed! xx)

Y/F/N= you friends name

Y/B/N= your baby’s name

Finding out/Telling;

You hadn’t been feeling yourself since Joe left from coming home for a little

He as so busy and having him back, even though it was less than a month, felt great

You thought you were just off from having him around and then him leaving

One night you were at your friends place, and they said they wanted a baby and had been trying

She wanted to take a test but was nervous so you said you’d do it with her, and you didn’t really expect anything

When the faded two lines came in you were both surprised. One like was very clear but the more you looked it looked like a second one was there. They were cheap tests and she went out and got actual ones. You told her there was no way but still took the test as a way to prove her wrong. A strong pink plus sign came out

“Holy shit.” You laughed.” I’m gonna be a mom?” You questioned. “You’re gonna be a mom!” You both celebrated that night. You talked about baby names, ways to tell Joe, and the baby shower. Plus marriage. You didn’t know how Joe felt about kids. When you two first started dating he had been out a few times because he just filmed BoRhap and everything for it was picking up

You waited until he was planned home, each wasn’t for a week and a half. It was enough time to think about how to tell him

When he came home he brought the boys too, which you didn’t expect. You made light of it, because you’d had known them very well. It was hard when they were all drinking and you explained you weren’t drinking because you weren’t feeling up to it. None of them questioned it but Lucy. She took you to another room so casually

“Are you pregnant?” She questioned in her soft voice

“That obvious?” She gasped and hugged you

“Not at all but your boobs look super big and you always have a drink with us.” You both talked a little about it and were very excited. When everyone left and you and Joe were in bed you were so tired. It had been a long night because everyone was around and wanted to spend human time together

Joe played with your hair as his other arm was around you. You wanted so badly just to tell him and the thought gave you chills

“Joe?”

“Yeah love?” He says to you as your voice was very soft and came out a whisper. His arm that you were laying on trees his hand and you put yours over it, then played it on your stomach

“I’m pregnant.” Joe sat up with his band still on your stomach and you smiled opening your eyes

“Are you- are you serious?”

“I was gonna tell you when I found out but you were away.” He grabbed his face with your hand and kissed you

“Wait seriously?”

“Yes! I’m pregnant!” He looked like he could cry

“Hello pregnant, I’m dad.” You pushed him away as you both laughed

You told the others two days later when you invited them for breakfast. You and Joe talked about telling them and your families and then the world. Your families both lived kind of far and you two wanted the others to know first

“This is very good love.” Ben said as he ate

“I’m glad you like it.” You smiled at Ben as you looked at Joe

“You want me to go?” Joe asked and you shrugged

“They were your friends first.” They all looked at each other

“What?” Lucy asked and you blushed smiling very wide

“So um, during all the free time I had Y/N and I-“ You hit Joe’s chest and shook your head.” I’m bad at this. You go.” You rolled your eyes

“I’m pregnant.�� They all smiled and congratulated you. You thanked them and told them about how you found out and what the names might be

When you told everyone you were about four months pregnant and it was time for the Golden Globes. Joe brought you along and that’s when it all came out. Also am Insta stating that a baby would be born at the end of July

The pregnancy/The scare;

It was hard between award shows and your job to always be together but whenever Joe could be he was there

He was there for whatever you needed

He ran your bath, got you what you wanted to eat, helped you around

The first few weeks weren’t the worst of help seeing your hormones were... in his favor

It got worse as it continued. Morning sickness, mood swings, cravings, and pain. Joe held back your hair, got you your craving, dealt with your moods and made you very comfortable

You two picked out baby names, thought of ways to design the baby room, and kind of got into the marriage talk

He cuddled with you, helped you out on clothes/shoes, and showed you off to everyone

“Can I get you anything?”

“Joe baby, I’m fine.” You told him as you were on your bed with pillows stacked behind you.” I have my books, movies in tv, and I’ll probably sleep all day. Y/F/N will be here soon, go.”

“I love you.” “I love you too.” You kissed him a few times before he had to go

Joe was also the type that if you needed space, he gave it to you

He reminded you all the time how good you looked

He made sure the mother of his child was taken care of

And he never left your side unless you asked

“Joe.” You said as you woke up at night. “What’s wrong?” He asked sitting up. “I don’t know, somethings wrong. Joe it hurts.” You grabbed a fish full of his shirt before he called an ambulance

He wasn’t aloud to see you but he said everyone at his side. They tried their best to calm him down. “They’ll be okay.” Rami told him holding onto Joe’s hand. “There was blood Rami, I didn’t even know what to do.” Lucy sat on the other side of him. “She’s a fighter Joe. They’ll be fine.” All they could do was wait until the doctor came out. They were all shaking at this point. “She and the baby are okay.” They all sighed with relief.” Little bit of a scare I know but she will still need to be on bed rest for the next couple of weeks. You can all see her now.” “Thank you doctor.” Joe rushed to the room as the others took their time, wanting to give you two time alone

“Hey baby.” Joe said as he came in. He came over and kissed you with his hand on your cheek.” You two gave me a scare.” You laughed as Joe sat on the bed. “I told him not to tell us the sex, do you still want to wait?” You asked him holding his hand. “Yeah, if you still want to.” You smiled at him. “I do.” He kissed you again as the others walked in. “Don’t put her in labor there Joe.” Ben said to you both

You spent the next six weeks laying in bed, taking ten minute walks or a fifteen minute bath. It was scary to think of but Joe was even more by your side than before, if that was even possible

He made sure your pain was his pain. He stayed in bed with you, got you what you needed, and most importantly; made sure you weren’t bored

“Joey I’m not gonna go into labor the one time you go to the store.” “But if it were to happen! It would happened TO US!”

Labor;

It happened when you were at home and you felt a little bit of pain. Then it started happening a couple of minutes apart

You got got into the shower, Joe at the store, you felt like you pissed yourself for some reason. You got out and got dressed. You waited for Joe to come home ready to go to the hospital. “Joey!” You yelled as he was in the kitchen putting everything away.” I’m think I’m going into labor.” You heard a drop of cans running into everything else in the kitchen. “Okay! Showtime! Get into the car, I’ll get the bag. Twenty three minutes until the hospital!”

The waited wasn’t too bad, the pain was. It hurt so bad and it wasn’t even the birth

Everyone was there, making it a little embarrassing for when the birth did happen. Brian May and Roger Taylor seeing you all sweaty after child labor? No thank you

“The doctors say anything yet?” Lucy asked you. “No, I’m only seven inches so there is still time to go.” Ben whined. “We’ve been here for hours.” Gwilym shook his head. “He’s hungry, ignore him.” You were so tired and done already. “Well I’m about to push a baby out of my vagina, so I would stop complaining. Got out, eat. No baby will be here in the next hour or two.”

After three hours it was finally time and you were so excited. Up until you got into it. It hurt like a bitch. You wanted to cry and scream and you did a little of both. Joe hold your hand as you pushed. It hurt so bad you wanted to give up. The pain kept you awake even though you were so tired

“Only a few more pushes.” Sweat dripped from your forehead as you pushed and you could hear the crying a little, and it was out. “You did it.” Joe kissed your forehead.” You did so well.” The nurses took the baby away to clean it. “It’s a girl.” You smiled at Joe. “We have a baby girl.”

Around another hour the others came in and saw the baby. Each one of them holding it, introducing themsevles. “Does she have a name yet?” Lucy asked looking over Brian’s arms to watch the baby. “Y/B/N.” They all awwed. “It’s beautiful.” Roger said pushing the hair out of your face.” You did good love. You two make a cute kid.” “Thank you.” You and Joe told him. “That’s all Y/N mate.” Ben told Roger and Joe hit his arm. “It’s true.”

Bonus! Baby’s first Christmas;

You all hung out a few days before Christmas before everyone had to be with their families

You were all kind of calm and handed out presents, had a little to drink, ate some food

“She’s spoiled.” You told Joe as he came up behind you, wrapping his arms around you. You leaned against his chest with your drink close to you. Joe looked at his uncles and aunt helping her open their presents. “She’s the luckiest girl.” He kissed your cheek.” Wanna tell them now or on New Years?” You turned your face. “Let’s go wait a little.” You both walked over to your daughter and sat next to her on Gwilym’s lap. “What do we have here?” You asked looking at the ring Roger and Brian got her together.” You guys it’s beautiful!” “And we can have it resized at anytime.” You wanted to cry. “Thank you guys.”

“Joe that’s not fair I wasn’t looking.” You told him after he had taken a picture of you and Rami on the couch with the baby. “You look perfect dear.” He kissed you quickly. The rest of the night you all spent taking pictures together, doing your best to get as many as possible for the years to come

At the end of the night when everything was relaxed and a Christmas movie was on you two thought you should tell the others

“Hey guys, before the movie starts just thought you should know we’re getting married.” Their eyes all went wide. “Congratulations!” After that you were all kind of chilling and watching the movie

“I’m Y/B/N godfather right?” Ben asked started a little fight. “No I am.”

[dailyaudiobible]

10/6/2021 DAB Transcript

Jeremiah 6:16-8:7, Colossians 2:8-23, Psalm 78:1-31, Proverbs 24:26

Today is the 6th day of October, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible, I am Brian, it is wonderful to be here with you today. As we continue our journey and settled into this 10th month of the year, as we continue our journey through the book of Jeremiah and the letter to the Colossians. We’re reading from the Common English Bible this week, Jeremiah chapter 6, verse 16 through 8 verse 7.

Commentary:

Okay so, we’re reading in the 2nd chapter of the letter to the Colossians in the New Testament. And, what Paul lays out today is our reality and in describing that reality he’s kind of coming against some other behaviors that have been taught, like this is what will lead you to righteousness. So, he says don't let anybody judge you about eating or drinking, or about a festival, a new moon observance or sabbaths. These religious practices are only a shadow of what was coming. Don't let anyone who wants to practice harsh self-denial and worship angels rob you of the prize. And so, what is the prize? The prize was described today. Literally, I can't say it in another way that's better, or teach it, like Paul teaches it out of this letter exactly as it's intended to be received, so I simply want to reread about five verses while highlighting this is supposed to be the reality, we live in. This is supposed to be what normal looks like to us. And so, Paul says “See to it that nobody enslaves you with philosophy and foolish deception which conform to human traditions and the way the world thinks and acts rather than Christ. All the fullness of deity lives in Christ's body. So, all the fullness of God lives in Christ's body. And you have been filled by Him who is the head of every ruler and authority. In Him you were also circumcised with the circumcision not administered by human hands. The circumcision of Christ is realized in the stripping away of the whole self, dominated by sin. In other words, that was cut away and discarded, the self, dominated by sin. You were buried with Him through baptism and raised with Him through faith in the power of God who raised Him from the dead. When you were dead, because of the things you would done wrong and because your body wasn't circumcised, God made you alive with Christ, and forgave all the things you had done wrong. He destroyed the record of the debt we owed with its requirements that worked against us. He canceled it by nailing it to the cross.” Oh, that is our reality. And it's not like we have encountered these concepts in Paul's writings, but here it is laid out concisely, we aren't who we were. Things have changed. We have changed. In fact, so much so that who we were is well, dead, no longer existing. We have been resurrected into a new life. Again, this is kind of, I mean it's a mind blowing, let's not, let’s not take that off the table, its mind blowing. But it's also essential Christian teaching, like 101. It's the basic understanding. But man, if we could get the fundamentals, if we could get the basics down, because if we look at this and this is the reality, then why don't we live like this is the reality? Like, that’s the question, right? If this is the reality and we’re now living in reality than what are we doing, besides living in a false reality that is considerably less then what the good news offers us? On one hand, we can make this really encouraging and bolster ourselves and rise up, and yeah, we’re going to do this, but on the other hand, this is not really just about us. This is how the world will know, this is how Earth's people, who do not know Jesus will come to understand. We have been entrusted; we’re supposed to be living this reality. Anything less is just less.

Prayer:

And so, Holy Spirit, come into that. We confess that we have elected to live less, more of the time, then is easy to admit. The letter to the Colossians tells us that the fullness of God is in Christ, and we are filled by Christ who is the head of every ruler and authority, that's hard to get our mind, it's so big and so good, it's hard to get our minds around. And yet we choose to ignore things like this when there, they change everything. You change everything and we just try to moderate that which essentially makes us live less than You've offered. And we don't want to do that anymore and we need to not do that because we are the light of the world, a city on a hill, the salt of the earth. And so, come, Holy Spirit, not only let this message transform our own hearts and encourage us but give us a sense of purpose and understanding about why this reality has been offered to us in the first place. Come, Holy Spirit into this we ask You to lead and direct us and guide us. Lead us into all truth. We pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here, so be sure to check that out. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can check it all out with the drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner. Places like the Community section which is well, that's where different links are to get connected on social media, provided social media platforms are up and running but it is also the home of the Prayer Wall. The Prayer Wall is there and available day or night, no matter where you are in the world and no matter what is swirling around in your life, you don't have to be alone, which is one of the things that we worked so hard around here on as we come around the Global Campfire, to know that we’re not alone. Just that one thing, that one piece of knowledge, even if it's just knowledge that we’re not alone is so helpful sometimes when we feel nothing but alone. And the Prayer Wall is always there and so you can always go and ask our brothers and sisters to pray for us. We can also go and pray for our brothers and sisters. And that's how works right, we give and we receive and we give and we receive from one another in so many different ways, so don't be a stranger to the Prayer Wall.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if this mission to continue to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and offered to anyone who can hear it, anyone who will listen anywhere on this planet, any time a day or night, and to build community around the rhythm, as we call it the Global Campfire. This rhythm, the next step forward together. If that is meaningful to you, then thank you for your partnership, we wouldn't be here at all, if we weren't in this together. So, thank you. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996 Springhill, Tennessee 37174.

And of course, if you have a prayer request or encouragement; certainly, the Prayer Wall is a place to go but you can also hit the Hotline button in the app, that little red button up at the top, or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today, I’m Brian, I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Prayer and Encouragements:

Hey everybody, Tony the Narrator here. Just a big shout out to everybody just to let you know that I’m praying with you and for you. I love all of you but yeah. Quick prayer request if possibly; my Mum’s come down with COVID for the second time. She's had both of the Oxford shots and she still come down with it and she's got a cold at the same time and it's really, she's, she's going through it, bless her, she's going through the ringer. She actually got it in November 2019 before we all knew what it was. So yeah, it was, it was, she was one of the very early cases and she picked up a new version of it so, if I could just, please beg your prayers over my mum. I’ve already told her that your all praying because I know that I can trust you guys in DABC. I’ve told her that she's got hundreds and hundreds of thousands of Christians around the globe praying over her right now because time is irrelevant when you’re speaking to the Lord and she also said to say thank you and she said all that’s lovely, which is very English thing, don’t worry.  And so, yeah, please hold my mom up in prayers she’s going through it and this is a really beautiful opportunity for me to be able to share the gospel with her and to let her know that actually she's got a Jesus who is caring for her. So, guys, I love you so much. I'm going to be able to share the gospel with my mom because of you and I love all of you. You’re all mine.

Hello beautiful family this is Susan calling from Albuquerque. I just wanted to lift a couple people up in prayer. The first one: Mark the teacher in Australia, he called about his brother who's been missing in the Outback for a couple months now and can’t imagine how, how worried you must be. I'm just kind of speechless. I can’t imagine. And the other is Bonnie from Virginia who has managed, who came here from another country and I'm assuming it's from a culture that, where women are thought of as no less important than dogs. And I, you came over here and managed to escape from a very big abusive situation. Oh, my goodness, you are so courageous and I'm so grateful you are here, there is no accident you came here and we're just all loving you and supporting you and I just wanted to say that and I'm so glad you called in. So, Father I wanted to lift up Mark and Bonnie today and we come together because Your family we love you very much and we love Your children and our brother and our sister. Please encourage Mark. Please help him find his brother-in-law. I know that they're terribly worried and they need peace of mind, please comfort this family and help them find an answer very soon. And Bonnie, please continue her recovery from this abusive marriage. I'm all out of time now. Love you all.

Good morning my DAB family. This is Judy from Georgia. This message goes to Victoria Solider. Victoria, I'm so sorry my sister to hear about your brother passing. May God comfort and keep you in His care and comfort the rest of your family and give you the strength to get through this time of mourning. We’re all praying for you my dear. Have a great day everyone. God bless you all.

Good morning Daily Audio Listeners all around the world and here in the United States. This is Maurine from Alexandria. I want to call myself Dr. M, because that's how many people refer to me. So anyway, I wanted to let you know that I am so grateful to all of you for your contributions, for your prayers and I want to say a quick prayer for everyone today, Sunday. For your healing, for your deliverance, for God's peace and for God’s protection in your life. For all those who are suffering from COVID, I pray for God's healing. For all those who have lost their loved ones, I pray for God's comfort. For all those who are finding strength in the word of God, may you be strengthened in every area of your life. Father, thank You so much for my brothers and sisters all over the world. Thank You so much for this place where we can come together to pray and to study Your word. May Your divine presence strengthen, encourage, provide, protect and heal. In the name of Jesus, by the way, thank you for such a beautiful, beautiful time together daily. And we ask that your blessing continue on Brian and his family. Lord, we love You, we bless You, we worship You. In Jesus name. Amen.

Good morning everybody, it’s Susan from Canada, God’s Yellow Flower calling. I just want to lift up Victorious Solider in prayer today and her family, over the loss of her loved brother. Dear God, dear God, I am so thankful that her brother has been saved and is enjoying the benefits of his faith here on earth. I am joyful that his heart and soul and mind and body are with you, right at this time. But for those left behind God, it's hard. And I pray Your arms of comfort about each and every one of them and that You would strengthen them and guide them and lead them through this hour of grief. I pray dear Lord that You would especially bless Victorious Soldier with leadership she needs in guiding this family through this terrible time. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Forest spirit love; AU!Brian May x reader

*Author’s note*

Okay so I was skeptical about posting this but after searching the rabbit hole of the Queen fandom I came across some AU fics so I thought I might dip my toes into this. Also I want to point out that this was heavily inspired by the youtube channel ForTheDreamers ASMR (which I recommend you all to look up his stuff is FREAKIN AMAZING!!!) So I hope everyone likes this fic and gives this AU a chance and I may try another one soon once I catch up on requests.

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

_______________________________________________________

*??? POV*

It was like any other day of venturing through the forest.  Spring had once again come and the flowers were all in bloom, the grass was greener than ever before, more animals were out and about greeting one another, it was paradise here in the woods.

But while traveling along my usual path, I came across something I hadn’t seen in forever.  A human.  A female human napping underneath the oak tree.  My natural curious nature always got the best of me as I walked up towards the human and when I finally got a good look at her, I was in awe.

She was beautiful. Her (h/c) shined underneath the patches of sun that managed to shine down on her.

“Hey, hello? Hello?” I sniffed her trying to get a sense of who she was or if she was a threat. I also took notice that her scene was alluring and sweet, almost hypnotic.  That’s when I noticed that she was starting to wake up.

*My POV*

It was a long hike through the woods on this nice spring afternoon.  The temperature was just right and the countryside of England was so beautiful that I was so happy that I finally moved out of America and into this luscious state.  I guess I must’ve been exhausted because next thing I knew I had sat down underneath a tree for a break and some shade from the sun and I must’ve ended up falling asleep.

I then heard a male voice calling out to me and when I awoke I saw him. Extremely curly brown hair, the deepest blue eyes I’ve ever seen that sorta had an additional spark to them.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s okay I won’t hurt you; I promise. I’m just a little curious by nature. I saw you napping here under this tree and I couldn’t help but wander over. I assure you I’m completely harmless.”

“It’s okay. I just—didn’t expect to meet someone else out here.”

“Yeah no one hardly comes into the forest, other than me.” He said. “I—I hope you don’t think of me rude but seeing you this close, you’re—awfully cute aren’t you?” He softly chuckled which made me blush lightly.  As I looked down shyly that’s when I began to notice the tail that seemed attached to him.

It was long, fluffy and brown much like his hair, when I looked back up at him I soon took notice that from his curly hair, brown cat-like ears also stood out.  I heard him softly chuckle again and he said.

“So you noticed?”

“Sorry I—I didn’t mean to stare it’s just……”

“No, no I get it. These do set me apart from your kind don’t they?” he said.

“So they’re—real?”

“Oh yes I can assure you they’re real. This is not a costume at all.” He spoke with a gentle smile.

“So if you don’t mind me asking—what are you?”

“What am I? Why don’t you take a guess, hmm? My instincts are rather sharp and they have me believing that you have a few ideas as to what I am. And in my particular case, you have twice the chance being correct.” He grinned softly waiting for my response.

Since I was a folklore enthusiast I observed the ears and tail and came down to two options.

“Okay—I’m gonna have to go with either a kitsune or a neko.”

“So you think I’m either a kitsune or a neko huh?” He said as he had this judgement look in his eyes, almost like he was offended by what I said.  I nodded sheepishly hoping that I was correct and like the snap of your fingers, his face warmed up in the gentle smile of his as he continued in a lighter tone, “Bingo! Actually I’m both. I’m half kitsune and half neko.”

“Wow, is—that even possible?”

“Of course it is, why wouldn’t it be? I’m standing—well I’m leaning right in front of you.” Now that he’s said what he was I could definitely see the traits.

He had the cheeky and trickster aurora of a kitsune but he also had this gentleness and calmness that came with the nekos.

“I mean I was born this way; these eyes, tail and ears aren’t just for show.” I softly smiled at him.

“Could I—if it’s not crossing any boundaries, maybe touch them?” I shyly gestured toward his ears. They perked up as his face became surprised as he said.

“R-really? You want to touch them?”

“Again if I’m crossing boundaries here we can forget what I just said I was just—”

“No, no it’s—it’s fine. Well,” he sighed deeply and confessed, “To be honest, you’re the first person to ever want to touch them. Most humans just turn and run at the mere sight of me because they were scared of me. I’m honestly surprised that you have managed to stay this long and actually began talking to me. So for you to actually listen to me, talk to me and now wanting to touch my ears it—it makes me happy and relieved knowing that I’m not such a monster.”

Aww this poor guy. All he wanted was someone to talk to, and all people ever did from him was run. Typical human behavior for us to run at the sight of something that’s not natural.  I mean if he wasn’t this friendly or nice I would run because that’s how I define a monster.

Not by how someone looks, but how they act.  And this guy clearly wasn’t a monster.  All he wanted was a friend.

“But again I don’t mind, by all means.” He lowered himself slightly and I slowly reached out and began stroking his brown ears.  They felt soft almost like a dog’s ears.  As I scratched and rubbed around his ears, the man softly moaned and chuckled as he leaned into my hand.  At one point claiming that one spot tickled him.  As soon as I stopped he opened his eyes he spoke again, “That felt nice.”

“I’m glad, I’ve been told I’ve got the best scratching nails. Your ears are quite soft too, kinda like a dogs.”

“Yeah I guess they would be like a dog’s. Except softer. Mainly because I don’t spend all my time rolling around in mud or chasing squirrels.” I raised my brow at him skeptically not believing him.

“Uh-huh.” I said skeptically.

“Well…..not a whole lot.” I softly laughed and shook my head at him. “Oh how rude of me, I haven’t introduced myself. My name is Brian May. And I’m part kitsune and part neko, what’s your name?”

“(Y/n). (Y/n) (l/n), all human.” I introduced myself.

“It think it fits you, I like it. Nice to meet you.” He held out his hand and I took it and we shook hands.  Wow at least we have a common greeting curtesy.  After shaking hands Brian then spoke up again, “So—what brought you this deep into the forest? Surely a nap under this tree wasn’t what brought you here?”

“Oh well I just wanted to get the chance to get back to nature. To touch it, feel it and just get wrapped up in its embrace. Sounds hippie I know.”

“No, no that’s great. Amazing actually. I just knew you were different, my instincts told me so, which is why I had to meet you.”

“And I’m glad you did.” I admitted shyly.

“Say (y/n)?”

“Hmm?”

“Where you come from, are—all human girls just as—cute and nice as you are? Or are you just a special case?” at that point my face was burning up bright red. “Are—are you alright? You didn’t happen to eat the green berries did you?” Oh god he was too cute acting like this.

“No, no I’m fine Brian.”

“Okay if you say so.” I cleared my throat softly and answered his question.

“Truthfully I’m…..average. Maybe even below average.” I muttered the last part quietly to myself but I should’ve known that his ears would pick it up as he said.

“Below average?” He scoffed for a second before continuing, “Whoever told you that must either be blind or filled with jealousy. Because I don’t see how anyone could be cuter than you.” I felt him stroke a strand of hair out of my face which made my blush intensify.

“So what—what are you doing out here Brian?” I tried to change the subject back to him now.

“Well—this is my home. Actually our home. This forest is home to many creatures, like me. All the animals and I share this forest together. Living in harmony with one another and living off the land.”

“Wow so everything in this forest—”

“Belongs to me? Pretty much. Although I have my own private little home not too far from here. But like I said I share the land with the animals that have been here before me.” He answered with a soft smile, showing off his canine teeth.

“Well I hope I’m not trespassing.”

“Oh no not at all. As I said many humans are welcome to come into the forest. They just choose not to whether because of the folk legend of these woods being filled with dangerous creatures or—me. But it’s nice for a change to see someone make the journey. So long as humans respect nature and look after it, then we have no reason to confront or attack humans. Most of the time we’d just hide away and keep our distance. Not me of course, whenever I see a human I just—have to talk to them. Ask them questions of where they’ve been, what they’re doing here, all that stuff.”

“You are a curious fellow, aren’t you?”

“It’s a habit. But I’ve always been fascinated by wanting to have a glimpse into a world so different from my own.”

For the rest of the afternoon, I allowed Brian to join me and we sat close together, and I mean really close like his side touching mine close.  Most times I wouldn’t let a guy I just met sit this close to me, but with Brian I just felt this comforting aurora about him, like I could trust him.

We talked about our families and other small things like I told him my reason for coming to England was to escape the pressures that America was going through right now, I told him about my family and what I was studying astronomy in school.

His ears immediately perked up at the mention of the fact I knew about the stars since he always loved stargazing every night.  He’d also love to hear the astronomers and astrophysicist that would come out here to study the stars and listen to their talks about the cosmos.

Pretty soon, Brian and I formed a tight friendship in just a few hours of chatting the afternoon away until the sun began to set and I had to head back home before it got dark.

A few days later after finally settling down some roots in my home, I returned back to the forest as it was another nice spring day.  I soon came to the exact same tree I once napped on to see Brian lying there under the shade sleeping away.  I smiled and quietly walked up towards him.

“Brian? Brian~” I softly sung out his name.  He kept sleeping until an idea came to mind.  I sat down beside him and began scratching his ears and they softly twitched as his tail patted softly on the ground and I could hear him moan out some laughs as a smile spread across his face.  His eyes soon opened and he said.

“Oh (y/n) it’s you.”

“Afternoon sleepyhead.” I said. “Hope you didn’t mind me waking you up like that.”

“No, not at all. Now I can finally say that for the first time I’ve been woken up by ear scratches.” He said as he stretched out his arms, his long claw-like fingers curling inward toward his palm as he stretched himself out like a cat. “You know just the right spot.”

“Yeah, and kinda ironic considering that it was me waking you up this time around.” Brian softly chuckled and said.

“Yes, that is ironic.”

“And under the exact same tree as well.”

“Really I—I suppose it is.” He admitted shyly.

“Were—were you waiting up for me?”

“What? No well no, no I—” he sighed deeply and said, “I can’t keep anything from you. Honestly I was hoping to see you again. And you’re still as adorable as I remember.” I blushed at his shy admission and I said.

“Aww well the same could be said for you.”

“Aww thank you.”

“May I join you?”

“Oh yes please by all means, join me.” I sat down close beside him and the two of us just observed the quiet and peacefulness of the birds chirping and the crickets singing. I could hear Brian take a soft but deep inhale through his nose before exhaling the same way.  “You smell so nice, just as I remember.” I shyly smiled.

I remember the first day while we were talking, Brian couldn’t help but compliment my scent.  He apologized profusely because he didn’t want to sound creepy but I told him it was fine and that I took it as a compliment.

“You know it’s just the perfume.” I told him.

“No. My keen nose can tell the difference between your scent and the fragrance you humans use. And I was referring to your scent. Though that other scent smells nice too.” He chuckled softly.

“So Mr. Keen nose, what does my natural scent smell like?” I challenged him.  He grinned and sniffed my neck as he said as he occasionally sniffed me.

“Well if I had to take a wild guess I would say….Pergamon, pink amber…magnolia and….peach? No….Nectarine.”

“Wow that is a sharp nose you have there, Brian.”

“Thank you, my nose is quite sharp.”

“Okay now I want you to tell me how you would describe it without cheating.” I said emphasizing my last word with a gently poke to the tip of his nose.  He chuckled and said.

“Me a cheater? Aww, you wound me. Well if I had to say what you smelled like without knowing all the right scents, I’d say—” he leaned in close to my ear and whispered, “You smell amazing.” I blushed feeling his hot breath against my ear which made him softly laugh.

“Since you know what I smell like, I wonder what your scent is?”

“Well only you can tell me that.” He said.  I scooted closer to him and softly sniffed around his shoulder trying to guess what he smelled like.

*Brian’s POV*

As (y/n) was sniffing me, I couldn’t help but get lost in hers.  I sniffed around her shoulder and neck once more and just fell under the spell of her beautiful scent.  It was like being covered with a warm blanket and tickled my nose every time.

“Light and refreshing like the forest air.” I heard her say. I lightly chuckled and said.

“That would make sense.” Suddenly I jolted as I felt her hand gently touch my tail.

“You okay?” She asked.

“It’s fine you just startled me touching my tail.”

“Sorry I just—it just looked so soft and I barely touched it, I didn’t think you’d react that way. I shouldn’t have done it I’m sorry.” Ohh seeing her look so sad broke my heart so I assured her.

“I—I don’t mind it’s just I wasn’t expecting it.”

“You sure?” she asked.

“Yeah, go on.” My tail lifted up into her lap and she gently observed it.

“It’s so long.” She said as she stroked the brown fur of my tail.

“Yeah it’s quite long, like a cat’s only fluffier.”

“And soft.” She added.

“Yeah well…..I do take quite good care of it, kitsune trait I suppose.” She continued to stroke my tail and I couldn’t help but close my eyes at how good it felt to have someone else stroke my tail.  

(Y/n) always had such a gentle touch and it was nice to fell her stroke or pet me, it felt like I had died and gone to paradise.

“It feel so nice when you stroke it like that.” I told her.  She looked at me and smiled softly and continued stroking it.  Then an idea soon popped into my mind.

I’ve seen some human males do this to their female partners whenever they would come here and my tail was just the perfect weapon to use.  

First I allowed her to keep stroking my tail without causing any alarm on my part.  Once she was done, I slowly wrapped my arms around her stomach and pulled her close to me, almost like I was hugging her.

Poor sweet (y/n), she had no idea what was about to come her way.

“What about if I—tickle you with it!” I then began my tickle attack by first wiggling my tail at the right side of her neck.  She scrunched herself inward trying to protect herself but I would move my tail towards her bare calves and tickle them, getting under her knees.  

She let out some squeaks as she giggled and laughed trying to get away but I kept a firm grip on her. I just couldn’t help but softly chuckle at just how adorable she was right now.

I then decided to be a little more cheeky and lift her shirt up exposing her stomach just so my tail could brush against it since I’ve seen the most humans seem to be ticklish on their stomach areas.  And I was correct as her laughter seemed to grow louder as she tried to set herself free trying to escape from my tail still tickling her stomach.

“Aww you’re so adorable.” I told her.

“Brian stohahahap! Pleheheheasse stohahahp ihihit!” I let up and allowed her to catch her breath but I still kept a gentle hold around her stomach.  Her head rested against my shoulder as she panted out, “You’re….cruel…..bastard.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself.” I said.

*My POV*

I shook my head at him and said.

“You were planning that out, weren’t you?”

“I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.” He said with a cheeky grin which made me shake my head at him as he chuckled softly.  “So, what brought you back out here? Was there—something else you need from the forest?”

“Actually I—already found it.” I admitted shyly.

“You—you have? Well tell me what it is and I’ll go get it for you.” I looked into Brian’s eyes and felt my heart racing rapidly.  I didn’t want to verbally admit that it was him that I had found so I just said.

“Well the thing is I—I can’t actually take it home with me?” He tilted his head in that same adorable fashion before he said.

“You know if it’s too heavy, I can help you carry it.”

“No, no it’s fine, it wouldn’t work anyways. Besides I’d—rather keep coming back here, instead of taking it.” He softly laughed and said.

“If I didn’t know any better (y/n), I’d say you were after a whole tree.” I softly giggled and said.

“Yeah I suppose I must be.”

“But you know I—I wouldn’t mind if you kept coming to visit.” He admitted shyly.  I looked up at him and as his ears bent backwards shyly he admitted, “I—I hope I’m not asking too much or being selfish; but…..w-would….would you come to visit me again? I understand if you don’t have the time or don’t wa—”

“Of course Brian, I’ll always come visit whenever I can.” I interrupted him.

“Oh you will?” I nodded and his ears perked up as he happily said. “That’s fantastic. Thank you. I’ve really enjoyed my time with you.”

“Me too.” We continued to cuddle underneath the shady willow tree and I sighed deeply and said. “God England is just so beautiful in the springtime. Much better than it is back in America, specifically my state. It’s either still snowing or extremely hot during its spring weather.”

“Really? That must be unbearable.”

“You have no idea, it’s like there’s only summer and winter. But no autumn or spring. Hot or cold weather that’s all goodbye and good freakin luck.” I complained as I heard Brian softly chuckle.

“Well I’m glad that you came to live here.” I turned to him and said with a soft smile and a light blush.

“I’m glad I did too.” We looked out beyond the fields of flowers and Brian said.

“You definitely picked the right tree to nap under, this willow tree gives out the perfect amount of shade.”

“Yeah, but it’s not exactly the most comfortable spot to sleep on.” I then let out a yawn as I tried to make myself comfortable.

“You do look exhausted. Did you not get enough sleep last night (y/n)?” Brian asked as his face was full of nothing with concern.

“Not really. The neighbor’s dog kept barking all night long. For what reason I have no idea but it was this loud, aggressive and ferocious barking. I wanted to complain but I was scared they’d let their dog attack me.”

“Aww you poor thing~.” He said as he stroked my hair. “You know if you want, you could rest your head on my lap—” I didn’t even give him a chance to finish as I immediately set myself down and placed my head on his lap and looked up at him. “Well you didn’t need much convincing.” He teased.

“Shut up.” I grumbled as he chuckled softly and stroked through my hair.  I moaned softly and adjusted myself comfortably in his lap as his soothing strokes made me feel sleepy.

“Does it feel nice when I stroke your hair?” I hummed as I lightly nodded. “You’re so cute, and your hair is so soft.” He praised.  I blushed once again before letting out a soft yawn.

“Sorry Brian I—I just…..”

“It’s okay. You can fall asleep if you’d like (y/n). I’ll look after you. I may not look it but, I’m stronger than I seem.” I softly smiled up at him and whispered.

“That’s good to know. So that way in case any bears come and attack me, I’ve got you to protect me.”

“Exactly. Although there’s not that much danger here in this forest. At least not a danger to you. But it is still good to have someone with you, just to look after you and all.” Brian continued to ramble which made me softly giggle up at him and I pet his tail to get him to shut up.  

He looked down at me and after the intel shock, he just smiled warmly down at me.

“I was rambling again wasn’t I?”

“Just a bit.” I yawned once again.

“Sorry. Shut your eyes and get some sleep, I’ll look after you.” I then shut my eyes and with Brian’s claws gently stroking through my hair, I soon fell fast asleep right there in his lap.

*Brian’s POV*

As I watched (y/n) slowly fall fast asleep from my stroking and the coolness of the weather and the shade of the tree, I couldn’t help but admire her beauty.  

She’s just as beautiful as the first day I met her when she was sleeping that day.

“Sweet dreams darling.” I whispered.  I then slowly leaned down and just instinctively kissed her forehead and watched her as she slept while I kept stroking through her hair to help ensure that she stayed asleep.

*My POV*

Within the next few weeks whenever I could, I visited Brian in the forest.  Somedays we’d just sit under the tree, other times we went down to the spring where he had taken me when we first met each other, and some visits would be at nightfall under the stars where he would tell me all that he knew about them.

Like today.  I had been so busy with work that by the time I had gotten to the forest, it was already pitch black.  So using my flashlight I walked through the forest to try and find Brian.

“Oh you’re a cute little girl aren’t yah? And what’s your name?” I heard Brian’s voice say softly. I kept hearing him talking to something because I wasn’t hearing a response back.  I walked further ahead until I found him talking to a beautiful young red fox.  “Seems you enjoy a nice head rub too, huh?” I guess my flashlight must’ve gotten their attention cause next thing I knew Brian turned around and the second he saw me, he smile widely and said, “Oh (y/n) you’re back.”

“Yeah. Sorry it’s so late though. There was a major accident on the road and traffic was just god awful. Hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

“None at all, I was just saying hello to my little friend Hannah here. She seemed lost so I thought I would give her some company.”

“Aww that’s so sweet of you to do that.” He looked down bashfully and I continued, “Guess the fox ears and tail helped her trust you even more.”

“Yeah, animals don’t seem to be afraid of me. I guess because of these they see me as one of them.”

“Would it—be alright if I came around?” I asked hesitantly.

“Of course, just—walk slowly and carefully.” I nodded in understandment and carefully walked around as Brian assured the young fox cub. “It’s okay girl, you can trust her. She’s very sweet and kind.”

I knelt down beside Brian and shined my light on her and awed at how cute she was.  I had never seen a fox this close before, the only time I ever got to see one was on TV but now seeing one up close was just—wow.

“She’s so cute.” I awed.

“Yeah. Looks to be about 8 months old. So she must’ve just recently left her mother.”

“Recently? How long do foxes stay with their mother?”

“After 7 months they just leave the den.”

“Aww, that’s so sad.”

“Nature works differently than how humans work. They’re pretty much adults at either a few months or just a couple of years depending on the species.”

“Really?” He nodded.

“Can I—can I pet her?”

“Sure, just let her sniff your hand first, slowly reach out toward her so that she won’t see you as a threat.” I nodded and slowly extended my hand out and kept it still as Brian also instructed me to do.  Hannah slowly walked up towards my hand and softly sniffed it.  After a couple of sniffs, she nudged her head into my palm.

I giggled softly and Brian spoke up.

“Looks like she trusts you. A true gesture of a kind soul.” I blushed at his poetic phrasing before finally petting her.  I scratched behind her ears and she really seemed to like that as she got closer to me and demanded more.  “She seems to really like that; you do have the best touch for a good ear scratch.”

“You would know that Brian. Did you tell her about my superior scratching in advance?”

“It may have slipped out in conversation.” I smiled and kept petting her.

“Wow her fur is so soft.”

“Yeah and vibrant too. Most fox cubs I see barely know how to keep themselves clean, she must’ve had a good mum to teach her proper hygiene. You should also feel her tail too, it feels so—ahh!” Brian let out a cry as I stroked his tail instead of Hannah’s.  And at his cry, it caused her to jump away and run off deep into the woods.

I laughed softly as Brian calmed down from his brief shock and said to me.

“I meant her tail not mine. Aww I scared her off.”

“Sorry Brian. But in all honesty, I’d rather pet your tail than any other foxes.”

“R-really?” I nodded and he stammered softly, “Erm well I—I would…..like that.” He sighed deeply and continued, “It—truly makes me happy to hear you say that, cause I honestly thought you’d be scared of me right about now.”

“Of course not Brian, how could I think that? And if—I’m being honest I…..I think you’re cute.” I admitted as I went back to stroking his tail.

“R-really?” I nodded shyly.  Brian smiled that adorable boyish smile of his as he admitted shyly, “When—when you say that and pet my tail…..my heart races. If you were to—scratch my ears as well I’d probably…..” he stopped as I went ahead and immediately began to scratch behind his ears.

He let out a low, pleasurable moan as he leaned up against my hand as he said as he lay his head down in my lap.

“That just feels so nice.”

“I’m glad.” I answered softly.  I kept stroking and scratching around his ears leaving Brian to cuddle further into my lap as he said.

“How do you know just the perfect spot? I could stay like this forever.”

“Me too.” I answered him.  We stayed silent for a moment before he said.

“I would feel bad though,” I looked down at him confused as he further explained, “It’s not fair that I get all the pets.” He then got off of my lap and said, “Here, put your head in my lap, oh! Wow again you didn’t need much convincing huh?” I grinned up at him as I adjusted my head into his lap and just stared up at him.  “Here, let me rub your ears.”

He then began to rub my ears.  He was mindful of his long claw-like nails as they rubbed my ears then he kept his right hand rubbing my right ear while his left soon began to stroke and pet through my hair.  I shut my eyes at the soothing feeling I sighed in pure content.

“How’s that feel love? Oh sorry is—is it alright for me to call you that?”

“I don’t mind.” I said as I looked up at him.

“Okay, good.”

“And to answer your question, it feels wonderful. Thank you Brian.”

“Anytime. I mean I know it doesn’t compare to a kitsune or neko but I’m glad you like the feeling of it love.” He then reached over toward my flashlight and shut it off so that way the only light reflecting over the land were the moon and stars.

“It’s a gorgeous night.” I softly whispered as I looked up to the night sky.

“Yeah, beautiful.” I heard Brian whisper.  I turned to Brian to see him looking down at me.  With the light of the full moon, his eyes and face just seemed to glow with this god-like complexion.  My heart raced erratically and I felt my blush deepen, oh I pray to god he can’t see the blush on my face.

*Brian’s POV*

Even when she spoke the beauty that the night sky had to offer, I was actually referring to another beauty that was before me, and she was lying in my lap.  The moon reflected her bright (e/c) eyes and her hair shined like the stars in the sky.

I noticed the redness come across her face as I spoke up and kept stroking her hair.  I softly smiled down at her and lightly bopped her nose which made her giggle and I chuckled softly down at her.

“Tell me a story Brian.” She said.

“What would you like?”

“Anything. I….just want to hear your voice.” She admitted shyly. Aww she was so cute like this.  I thought about the right story when it finally came to me.

I then told her the story of a neko man named Harold who lives here in England and had an interest in designer and he loved to travel to discover architecture designs.  Then one day when he was in Scotland, he came across a Kitsune named Ruth and together the two of them slowly forged a friendship with each other, until one day after a few months of seeing each other, their friendship became something more.

As their love began to grow, they both married and settled down into this very forest and then soon within a few years, they had a son who was half kitsune and half neko. As she listened to the story, her face turned to realization as she said.

“You.” I smiled and nodded and said.

“Yep, that’s me. That’s how my parents met.”

“Aww that was a beautiful story.”

“You think so? Yeah I always thought so too. They used to tell it to me when I was a child to go to sleep.”

*My POV*

At hearing the story of Brian’s parents and how they met, it just sounded so romantic and beautiful. And in a way it kinda resembled how Brian and I met each other.

“They sound like wonderful people; think I could meet them sometime?”

“Really? Well I’d be happy for you to meet them. They’re away for now but they’ll be back soon.”

“Oh they still travel?”

“Whenever they can, not as much as they used to but yeah. What about you do you travel much?”

“Huh I wish. I could only save up enough money to just travel here. And that alone took me years to save up.”

“I see. The concept of money can make it hard to travel.”

“Tell me about it. What about you Bri?”

“Me?”

“No the pope, of course you. Would you ever like to see the world?”

“Well—I would really like to, but…I feel so at home in this forest. And even with the story of my parents’ meeting, it does make me fearful feeling alone if I were to travel.”

“Ohh Brian.” I said solemnly as I placed my hand on top of his.  He looked up at me and he placed his other hand on top of mine as he said.

“Except when I’m with you. I feel even more at home with you than alone here in the forest. I value your company so much (y/n).” I smiled shyly and said.

“Well you know, if you’d like I would be more than happy to travel with you, should you choose to go.”

“R-really? I can’t ask that of you….”

“Brian, you’re not asking, I’m wanting.”

“You—you’d really go with me?” I nodded and he said with a soft smile, “Oh great. Yes, yes I’d be happy if you’d join me. I value your company so much. However; you’ve got so much going in your life right now. I can wait, we don’t have to go right now, there’s no rush. Just let me know and we can go.”

“You’ve got a deal Brian May. Heck maybe on one of our travels I can take you to America, let you see my homeland.”

“That would be fantastic. I’d love to see America. I can’t wait.”

We remained sitting close together looking up at the stars, Brian’s head resting on my lap while I stroked through his curly hair.

“(Y/n).” I looked down at him and hummed softly acknowledging that I heard him.  He fidgeted for a brief moment before saying, “Are—are you sure there isn’t anything I can find for you? I know you always come out here for something and by the time I see you, you seem to find it but I really wanna help you find it this time.”

Oh god I feared this moment would come.  I’ve debated whether to tell him the truth or not fearing how he would react, but I guess he’s got me in a box now.

“I…..I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out.” He tilted his head up at me and sat up and said.

“I’m sorry figured what out?”

“Brian……” I looked at him and tried to speak up but only a heavy sigh came out.  My face was burning red as my hands fiddled with each other as my eyes looked down at my hands finding them more interesting, I felt Brian place his hand on top of mine while his other gently tilted my chin up.

“It’s okay (y/n). You know you can tell me anything, I won’t judge you.” My heart raced and I swore it was going to burst out of my chest and I finally managed to say.

“There’s a different reason. Why I keep coming out here?”

“Oh? What is it?” I looked straight into his eyes and finally confessed.

“It’s you Bri.”

His eyes widened and his face turned to shock.

“M-Me? You…..you were coming out here—just for me?” I nodded bashfully. “S-so all those times of you getting herbs and flowers they…..they weren’t…..”

“Only the first time though Brian. The rest was to see you.” I admitted.  “I—I’m sorry for lying to you.”

“What no. No it’s—it’s fine. I just…..oh wow my…..my heart’s beating so fast, I…..I…..” Brian and I stared directly into each other’s eyes.  He seemed conflicted like he wanted to do something but there was something stopping him, that was until he leaned forward and I felt him give me a soft peck.

On the lips.

After the gentle peck, he suddenly became nervous as his ears dropped backward as he began to stammer.

“Oh god. I-I-I-I-I-I’m so sorry (y/n). I-I-I didn’t mean to did…..did I—” I stopped him by cupping his face and I leaned up and kissed him.  A more meaningful and loving kiss.  A kiss that poured out every emotion that I was feeling at this very moment.

When the dire need of air became a burden, we separated from each other softly panting, our breaths mixing together with one another as Brian bashfully chuckled and stammered out.

“I—I don’t know what to say. I’m just….so happy. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy before.”

“Me neither.” I admitted.

“I-I-I-I didn’t think you’d felt the same way about me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, be—because I’m….not human and I’m….used to scaring people.” He confessed insecurely. I cupped the side of his face and said.

“Brian, you are anything but terrifying. You’re sweet, funny, kind, loyal and the kindest soul I have ever met. You could have two heads and four arms and I’d still feel the same way as I do right now.”

“You—really think I’m cute?” I nodded. His smile grew wide as he said.

“I…..I knew there was a reason why I’ve always found you beautiful. Not just because of your looks but—you’re personality. I had a feeling from the moment I first met you sleeping out here in these woods. You—just had this natural spirit about you, like you loved nature and it loved you back. Is—is it alright if I—I kiss y…..” I interrupted him by kissing him once more.

He softly moaned and I felt his arms wrap around my waist and one of his hands quickly come up and cup the side of my face deepening the kiss.

“You never….have to…..ask…..again.” I stated between kisses.  After our second small make out session we touched foreheads with each other as Brian whispered out.

“I think—no. I’m certain that…..I love you.”  At those three words my heart exploded.  I smiled widely and I felt tears form in my eyes as I confessed.

“I love you too, Brian.” His ears perked up and he asked.

“Really?”

“Yes.”  He suddenly embraced me and even with his lean figure, I could definitely feel the strength in his arms.  I buried my face into his neck and heard him whisper in the shell of my ear as he buried his face into my neck.

“You’re so warm. And I never wanna let go of you.”

“Me neither.”

*Brian’s POV*

God I can’t believe this.  The woman I’ve admired and loved since the moment I first met her was finally mine. She was finally in my arms.  It felt like the world had stopped and all that mattered was her and I, together holding each other.

“This is so perfect. I’m so thankful to have you.” I separated from her and cupped her cheek and leaned down and captured her lips with mine once more.  I felt her hand wrap around behind my neck bringing me closer to her while I wrapped my arm around her waist pulling her close to me.

My heart pounded in my chest, almost like it was about to burst out as her warm, soft lips kissed mine.  After what felt like an eternity kissing, we had to separate our breaths mixing with each other’s once more.  I stroked her cheek with my thumb and not once averted my gaze from her.

“What shall we do now?”

“Can I—pet your tail some more?” she asked.  I softly chuckled and said as I offered it to her.

“Of course my love.” I set her between my legs which allowed her back to lay against my chest while I had my arms wrapped around her as she stroked my tail.  I purred softly as I nuzzled into her hair smelling her unique scent as well as lying kisses all over her head.  “What else shall we do?”

“How about the stream? It’s been awhile since we’ve been there.”  Indeed it has.  I introduced her to the stream on the day we met for a nice relaxing swim since that day was pretty warm for a spring day.  Since it’s been cool lately there wasn’t really a need for a swim but now, swimming under the moonlight, it sounded like paradise.

“Of course my darling, it’s been awhile since we’ve been to our secret little getaway.” She giggled softly as I stood up and came up in front of her, presenting her my hand.

She took it and I helped her stand up and soon the two of us walked toward the stream side by side.

*My POV*

We were now officially at the stream; Brian was currently swimming in the stream while I merely just sat along the edge with my legs dipped along the cool water.  

With the moonlight reflecting off of the water, it made Brian appear more mythical and handsomer than usual, especially with his hair now madded down from the usual poofy curls.  He swam up towards me and said as he leaned his head on top of my lap.

“What’s got you so deep in thought love?”

“Just observing the handsome merman whose come to see me.” He chuckled softly and said.

“I think you’re confusing me with a friend of mine.” At that statement, my jaw dropped as I gapped out.

“Wait, you—you mean…..”

“Yes, sirens and mermaids are real too. Although if you ask me in regard to my friend, he’s a smug little bastard.” I giggled softly as he leaned up and kissed me.  I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and felt his hands at my waist.  Suddenly I was pulled into the water and the coldness of the water made me shriek as Brian chuckled out, “But he did teach me a few handy tricks.”

I gasped at him in mock shock and splashed him in the face before swimming towards the other side of the stream.  Of course it was all in vain as he grabbed me by my ankle and pulled me in towards him and soon we floated there in the water chest to chest, the two of us laughing softly.

We stared deeply into each other’s eyes, Brian’s kitsune/neko blue eyes just glowed from the light of the moon and his features were defined from the light.  I slowly leaned in and pecked him lightly on the cheek before shyly turning away.

But Brian immediately used his thumb and index finger to tilt my chin back up so that I was forced to face him again.  His thumb gently stroked my lower lips as he whispered.

“You missed love.” He then leaned downward and our lips collided with each other’s once more in a passionate and loving dance.  I combed my fingers through his wet, curly hair while his hand cupped the back of my neck, gently stroking it.  After a few minutes we broke away from each other panting softly.

“I love you Brian May.”

“I love you too, and I am so happy to call you mine at last.” I leaned my head over his heart. The rest of the night it was just us two swaying and floating in the water or lying on the patch of grass cuddled up together to keep warm as Brian pointed out and told me more stories that he knew of the cosmos, all the while sharing and exchanging sweet and loving kisses.

[gotboredwrote]

Chapter 3: John’s Confusing Secret Feelings

[[The American Publicist // JRD]]

Pairing: John Richard Deacon x Reader Word Count: 7.2K Style: Multi-Chapter Warnings: Swearing, unwanted flirting/slight sexual harassment Summary: Y/N was just hired to become a co-manager and publicist for the band Queen. The boys had never travelled abroad, so meeting an American was . . . intriguing, to say the least. Permanent Author’s Note: To clarify, I write because I get bored. Nothing is meant to be professional in any way, nor is meant to offend, cause anxiety, cause anger, cause sadness, or promote disagreement among readers in any sort of (semi)permanent way. A/N: When I say this chapter is a roller-coaster of emotions, I mean it. I warned you.

Masterlist // Previous Chapter // Next Chapter // Masterpost

~

Ever since John got home Monday night, all he could think about was the conversation he had with Roger. John was not lying to him – he really did not know what was going on with him, what he was feeling for you. Sure, he had experienced lust before, since there are pretty girls in the world. It is sort of hard not to. He had also experienced the love for a family member, but it is different than that, too. The way he described it to Roger was the only explanation he could come up with. When you were with him, other humans did not exist. I guess you could say that you were his world, but John had no idea how that came to be. None of these feelings made sense, you barely knew each other. And he just knew that if he ever said a word about these feelings to you, you would surely run off. He just could not have that. He could not bear seeing you walk away from the group because of a stupid choice he made. You meant too much to him to risk anything.

~

Tuesday morning. A new day. Y/N was completely wrapped up in her work, Brian was thinking up some new riffs to add to songs, Freddie was doing vocal warm-ups, Roger was having a cigarette, Miami was actually working in the control room for once, and John had come in ready to simply play his bass and not think about the conversation from last night. At least that is what he wanted to do. It was proving harder than he thought it would. As he was making his way down to the Queen section of the building, his mind was racing. In order to get into the studio portion of the room, one had to make their way through the control room, so he knew that he would have to pass you. Would he simply ignore you? No, that would be rude. Would he try to just nod his head in recognition? No, it would come out frantic. Would he try and say “hello, love?” No, it would come out all squeaky and embarrassing. Would he-

“Good morning, John!”

Well, so much for coming up with a game plan.

“Mornin’, love.” That came out better than expected. He even gave your shoulder a light squeeze as he walked past you, which you recognized by placing your hand on his and squeezing back. Thankfully you did not catch him, but he was gazing at his hand like some famous person just shook it and he would never wash it again, and John did not care much for celebrities. He made his way into the back and exchanged greetings with the other boys, and once his bass and bag were sat carefully over the floor, the boy’s attention was given to the glass pane in the middle of the room.

“Alright, lads,” Miami was all business today. “Here’s the plan for the week, and before I start, I must insist that you take everything I say into heart because we have something really important coming up at the end of the week. For these next four days of studio time, I want you all focused on the songs that we have already done some major groundwork for. Tweak them, rerecord parts that need fixing, but do not spend time on completely new material. This is all in preparation for a meeting we lot have on Saturday evening. We are going to be going to this posh restaurant to meet with the producers who want to work with us on this album, so things need to be ready to demo. Got it?”

The boys all had similar expressions on their faces – joy laced with nerves. You were watching and listening to Miami, but that was it. This dinner had nothing to do with you, so you did not allow yourself to get caught up in the conversation. You glanced over into the booth and was about to look back down at the paperwork nestled in your lap when you saw John was looking at you. At first, you were not sure what the look was, since concern was the predominant feature. But you did not have to think about it long. Miami finished his one-way conversation with the boys by asking them if there were any questions, to which John piped up.

“Can Y/N come with us?”

You shot John a bewildered look because it was both completely out of character for him, and you never expected to tag along to any of these types of events. You were not sure what Miami’s response was going to be, but it ended up not being one of words. He simply looked at you for the answer to John’s question. It was completely your call.

“Ah, um… I really wasn’t planning on going, since this really isn’t my area of expertise, but if it would make Deaks happy, then I’m all for it. I’ll just have to find something to wear one of these days.”

“Then that settles it. I will call the restaurant right now and tell them to add one more seat to the reservation. Glad you could join us, Ms. Y/N.”

“Mhm!” was all you could muster out before Miami was already out of the room. You made your way to the microphone he was using and spoke clearly yet softly into it. “John, can you come in here for one minute?”

It was not necessarily that you minded attending this dinner, it was just so out of character for John to pipe up in that way that you desperately wanted, no needed, to know what was going on in his head. John had put his bass down carefully and looked in Roger’s general direction. Roger was looking at him as normally as possible, so as not to give anything away, but John knew what was floating behind those eyes. He needed to go to you quickly so nothing compromising was done.

“Yes, love?”

“Not that I mind, but why exactly am I now attending this dinner? It has nothing to do with my portion of work.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I don’t really do well around new faces or in tense situations. I try to avoid them. Having someone sitting next to me who I know is my best friend and supports me will make it easier. The boys being there helps. So does Miami. But I just think if you’re there, I won’t be too nervous. You aren’t mad at me, are you?”

“Not at all, John! It just kind of caught me off guard, you being so forward and all.”

“Forward, heh, yeah…” He felt heat radiating from his neck. He really hoped it was not noticeable. “One thing Miami forgot to mention is that we are all riding together in a limo. We will pick you up last in case you don’t get around to finding that dress until Saturday. Can you be ready around 6:30?”

“I think I can manage that, Deaks. No worries. Now get in there and let me hear the beautiful sound of your bass playing.”

Your smile sent him through the roof. Internally, of course. On the outside, you both exchanged smiles and he grabbed your hand lightly and gave it a squeeze as a way of saying thank you before waltzing back into the studio. Roger was still giving him that same look, Brian and Freddie had moved on a while back. John simply mouthed a “keep it together” to Roger, who then proceeded to his drums. You looked back down at your paperwork, not noticing the small exchange, while the boys began to play the songs you had heard numerous times before. The rest of the week was more of the same. You and John sharing innocent exchanges every time he passed through the control room, his face and neck heating up just as much as the time before. Then Roger would give him that look of knowing that was normal to everyone else. John still had no clue that Brian and Freddie knew what was going on, and Roger was determined to keep it that way, for John’s and yours’s sakes.

~

6:15pm. That was the time the clock in your living area said. You had made sure to only get dressed thirty minutes before John told you the boys would be there, so as to make sure nothing happened to your new gown. You were not sure why you were nervous. You had been out to eat with the boys before, and you had been to tons of meetings back in the states. Nothing about this meeting was any different than one’s you had been to before. What was it? Your dress. The pesky dress you decided to buy. Miami told you that Friday you could have a half day and only come into the studio for the afternoon and evening so you could have the morning to go find an outfit for the dinner. You still had not really learned the layout of the area your new flat was in, so you made sure to get up early so you could walk around a bit to find a shop that had what you were looking for. Turns out it was right across the street, so you mentally cursed yourself for getting up so early, but this just meant that you had more time to find the perfect gown. You went in the store after grabbing a small breakfast sandwich at the deli also right across the street from your flat, and found who you thought looked like a very nice lady to help you.

“Hi there, I am joining some… workmates on a business meeting tomorrow night for a dinner, and I do not have a dress that is posh enough for the place. I was hoping if I gave you some ideas you could help me find something that wouldn’t need altercations?”

“I am perfectly able to do that, miss, and by the way, your accent is beautiful. Are you from the east coast of America, by chance?”

“Yes, actually! Thank you!”

“Of course. Now, what ideas can you toss my way?”

“I was thinking something slightly form-fitting, but not squeezing, with tank-top sleeves, full-length, and maybe an unconventional color. Is that…too specific?”

The employee gave you a once-over, which made your self-consciousness bubble over a bit. Why had you said slightly form fitting? You’d look better in a trash bag. Then her eyes lit up and she exclaimed that she thinks she knows the prefect dress. You nodded at her, and she ran into the back. After about 3 minutes, she came back to the front with a gown in a cover, so you knew she meant business.

“Don’t be alarmed by the cover, we do that for all the gowns that have not made it to the floor yet. Now, this dress is actually the only one we got in in this style and color, so if this fits you, you’ll be stunningly unique. I will give this to you, the dressing room is right there, and I will be waiting right here so come on out when you’re done and we can talk about it, okay? And if you like it, I have some shoes that would go perfectly with it.”

“Sure, thank you!” You were trying to hide your nerves about her not even having shown you the dress before ushering you into a fitting room, but the nerves went away when you unzipped the cover. The dress was stunning. You sincerely hoped it would fit. You went to take off the clothes you had worn to the store and immediately felt this looming self-consciousness rise back up to the surface. You wanted this dress to fit so badly, but you could not pin point why. You unzipped the back of the dress, stepped into it, and zipped it up as best you could without looking at yourself in the mirror. When you finally braved the mirror, you were taken aback as to how well you felt that it fit you. It was just tight enough but a little loose where it needed to be, had the perfect straps, and fell right to the tops of your feet, so it would not need altercations. It was a beautiful mint green, and it had a slit on the left side that went up to about mid-thigh. You were thrilled, this did not happen back in the states. You could never find something that fit you properly, let alone on the first go. You felt so confident in your new look that a thought you did not conjure up flashed through your mind. “John is going to think this looks great.” You stepped out of the dressing room, and all the employee could say was “let me go get those shoes I was talking about.”

~

Now it was 6:31, and you were starting to get worried that the boys had completely forgotten to pick you up. But then you remember who wanted you to come, and how he would never let that happen. Just as that thought flashed through your mind, you heard quiet knocks coming from your door, signaling that it was time to go. You expected the driver to appear at your doorstep, or at most Freddie. But you were greeted with a sight that you were not ready to see. John was currently standing in your doorway, holding his hands behind his back in a suit that made him look, frankly, drop-dead sexy. You just hoped that your face did not say that out loud. You were still trying to sort through the weird feelings you were having for him. He was wearing black slacks with a black blazer, only buttoned from right above his belly-button down, and a white satin shirt only buttoned about the same amount, revealing his sternum and upper chest. Long hair flowing down onto his shoulders was the icing on the cake. You both swallowed so intensely that it was audible.

“Hi, John,” hating yourself for how breathlessly it came out.

“Hello, love. If I may, you look…” John could not find the word that was appropriate. Ethereal? Gorgeous? Stunning? Ravaging? He ended up settling on “beautiful.”

“I could say the same to you, Deaks.”

The silence that fell between you two was not awkward or deafening. It was comfortable. You two simply taking in each other’s presences for what felt like years, but was really only about five seconds. One thing John noticed in those few blissful seconds was that you were not wearing a necklace, which he was thankful for. His arms came around from behind his back to reveal a small, dark green, velvet box, to which he immediately offered an explanation.

“I know that tonight wasn’t exactly how you wanted to spend you night. So, I wanted to get you something to show you my appreciation. But then I couldn’t think of what to get, and I didn’t want to be so cliché. But I remembered that we decided to be best friends and I was out the other night and passed by a jewelry store that happened to have this necklace on display. I had to get it, so if you want I can put it on your neck before we head down…”

You took the box from his hands and pried it open. Inside was a pure gold chain, and on it was a gold bass guitar that connected the two sides of the chain, one connected to the tuner, one connected to the bottom of the bass. It looked exactly like the bass John played, even though it was no more than one inch in length. It was extremely small and minimalistic, but in that moment it, and John, shone as bright as one thousand suns. You teared up a little, thanking yourself for not wearing any makeup. You did not even have to say any words before John was taking out of the box and placing it around your neck. Once it was secure on your neck, you turned around to face John while holding the small bass between your fingers, and breathed out a thank you. You were so moved by his gesture that you could hardly speak. You did manage to pry your hand away from your neck to give him a tight hug, one that he reciprocated instantly. You stayed like this for a minute, hearing each other breathe and feeling each other’s heartbeats, before you pulled away and looked John right in the eyes.

“I think we better get moving before Miami has a stroke.”

“Yes, you’re right love, lead the way.”

You and John carefully made your way down the steps that lead up to your flat and to the limo, where you were greeted with a couple wolf-whistles from Freddie and Roger. Brian simply gazed at you in almost complete shock, and Miami could not have cared less because he wanted to make sure you all were at the restaurant in time. You did not mind the comments from the boys for two reasons. The first is that you know they are just messing around with you, and know not to step too far over the line. The second is that you had already heard the opinion that you needed to hear and his was the only one that truly mattered. Maybe there was some real feelings there, but tonight was not the night to hash those out. This was all about the boys. It took about ten minutes into the ride before Roger noticed the charm hanging from your neck, and he waited until a proper moment to address it. You had ended your private conversation with John to look out of the window at the cityscape you were driving by. Roger made eye contact with John after he was gazing in your general direction, enjoying watching you so at peace. He simply pointed to his neck with one hand and offered a thumbs up with the other. John got a little red in the face, but could not stop the wide grin from spreading across his face.

~

The limousine pulled up to the restaurant around 7:15, which was only a few minutes before the producers were supposed to meet you there, so Miami was at least slightly pleased. The hostess escorted the lot of you to your table, which was in a private room. It was a large, circular table with a black tablecloth adorning it, something you had never really seen before. “This must be really posh if that is what they have going on,” you thought. Each seat already had a glass of ice water and all the utensils you could possibly need and then some. Miami said that he had a particular order in which he wanted us all to sit, and he went around pointing to each person’s seat.

“Starting with Brian, you sit there, and making your way around right, Fred next, then Roger, John, and Y/N. I will sit to your left, Roger, and the producers will be in the three remaining seats.”

A lump formed in all the boy’s throats, as well as yours. Why were you being seated next to the producers? Brian, Freddie, and Roger were all simply concerned that they were going to be assholes to you and treat you like a groupie, which was clearly not what you were. You were nervous that they were going to give you attention that you don’t want. And John… he basically had a tinge of jealousy that some man he did not know was getting the privilege of being seated two feet away from you. He would have much preferred you seated in the middle of the band, or at least Miami being next to you. But messing with Miami’s plan could only mean trouble, so you decided not to say anything. Freddie, on the other hand, spoke up.

“Miami, darling. I cannot speak for the rest of them, but frankly I am not keen on the idea of Y/N sitting directly next to the producers. Not that I don’t think you can handle them, dear, I know you can. I just worry that they might be a little bit rude to her.”

“I’ll second that,” Roger said, Brian chiming in with a “I’ll third it.”

“Nonsense, lads. I have worked with these men before, and they wouldn’t do something like that. Plus, I told them that we had a lady joining us for business purposes and they had no objections. Let’s get seated before they walk in so they don’t think we are bickering.”

You all had not been seated ten minutes before the producers marched in the doorway, acting larger than life. You all stood to greet them and introduce yourselves. Miami did it for you.

“Evening, gentlemen. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jim Beach, or as the band likes to call me, Miami. I am a co-manager of the band, and allow me to introduce you to each of the members. This is Brian May, lead guitarist and backup vocalist. Next to him is Freddie Mercury, lead vocalist. To his right is Roger Taylor, drummer and another backup vocalist. To his right, you have John Deacon, bassist. And finally, to his right you-”

“We have a gorgeous lady, obviously, Jim. Hello, beautiful, what is your name?”

“Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N, co-manager and publicist for the band, sir.”

To be polite, you reached out to shake all the men’s hands as the boys had already done, but before you could reach the first producer, the one who interrupted Miami grabbed your hand, clasped his other one around that, and brought your hand to his lips to kiss it. John visibly tensed at the gesture in the first place, but when he saw that said kiss was not just a peck and was more like he wanted to make out with your hand, he clamored to get him to stop. He spoke up, again, very out of character.

“Why don’t we have a seat, lads, so we can order our food and talk business?”

The producer let go of your hand to look at John, to which you were extremely thankful. You offered your hand to the other two producers, who shook your hands like normal men and not like the horny idiot who promptly took the seat next to you. None of the boys were all too happy about that, but John had already picked up his habit from the first day you met. Immediately as you two sat down with the rest of the table, his hand was on your knee, this time almost rubbing your knee like he was giving you a deep-tissue massage. This time all the feelings he had for you were pushed to the back-burner of his mind, and the forefront was taken over with feelings of needing to make sure you felt safe. You wanted to show John that you sincerely appreciated his gesture, but did not want to make it obvious that you two were not giving your full attention to the three crucially important figures in your midst. What you decided to do was nonchalantly place your hand on top of his and instead of just squeezing, continue to hold it. You felt his hand quickly turn around underneath yours. He wanted to properly hold your hand, and frankly, you were so nervous about the man next to you that you had zero issues with that. John laced his fingers with yours and squeezed so tightly that it almost seemed like he was trying to get back at you for the bruise you gave him Monday. Again, you were completely fine with it. John’s presence and touch calmed you down, and yours calmed him down, too. The waiter had just come over to take all of your orders, and when he walked away, Miami “the businessman” Beach began the nitty-gritty conversation of why you had all met in the first place.

“Gentlemen, as you know we are working hastily but with meticulous detail on the second Queen album, which will be appropriately named “Queen II.” This week alone, the boys have recorded three practically album-ready versions of songs, and we brought them on cassettes to demo for you tonight. If there are no questions or comments, I would like to let you hear this and take your notes before any food comes back.”

Miami took out the cassette tapes and the small player. John still had the back of his hand resting on your leg while you continued to hold it. “White Queen (As It Began)” started to play on the player, and John felt your hand tense up. He found that odd, since you had heard the song probably over twenty times in the last week, so he was not quite sure why you reacted in the way that you did. He glanced over in your direction, careful not to lean in to seem secretive, and did not even have to ask his question. The producer seated next to you had extended his arm over to your right leg and had his large hand splayed out across the area right above your right knee, the first place John had ever come into contact with you. He began to feel a sense of possessive ownership over that spot of your body – it was special to him in a way he could not put into words. You were keeping your face together, your grip on John’s hand the only thing giving it away that you were uncomfortable. The producer with his hand on your leg leaned somewhat close to your ear and spoke at you.

“This song could have easily been written about you, gorgeous.”

“Brian would be the one to explain the inspiration, but it was not written about me sir. Could you also kindly take your hand off my leg?” You were trying so hard to remain professional, but you were starting to feel faint. The producer, to your surprise backed off for the moment, most likely because the band shot him looks that could kill.

As per your statement, Brian began to explain, in extensive detail how the song came to be, and midway through, John felt your hand tense up again. He immediately looked down to his lap so as to not seem obvious, but forced his eyes as far right as they could go to see if the hand had returned to your knee. It had. But it was halfway up your thigh. Thank God the slit was on John’s side, so only he had access to your bare skin. Except he knew better in this moment than to directly touch it, despite that being all he wanted to do in order to make you feel better. He pulled your dress so the slit was not noticeable in an effort to make you feel calmer. You were so thankful for this man. Brian had finished his explanation, the producers nodding and taking notes, eagerly awaiting the next song, which was said to be “Ogre Battle.” Miami was about to switch the tape over to play it when your voice broke through the deafening silence.

“Sir, please remove your hand from my thigh and do not put it back there again.”

You heard the boys of the band swallow and Miami shot the producer a concerned look that was laced with “I will hurt you if you hurt her.” The producer huffed in and out of his nose, drawing out the expulsion while removing his hand and putting it atop the table. You looked over at Miami as if to say “please get on with the tape,” and as if he could read your mind, he placed the new tape in and began to play it. You were still holding John’s hand, and at this point, his long thumb was tracing patterns on the side of your hand to make sure you knew you were still the only thing in this meeting he cared about. Just like before, when the song ended, Freddie piped up and explained his thoughts to the song, and the producers took their notes. The food has still not come, why was it taking so long? All you wanted was for the man’s hands to have a distraction from you. Miami was about to play the third and final song, when you stood up from your seat. The producer had, again, placed his wide-open hand on your leg, this time dangerously close to your womanhood. If he had moved his hand two inches to the left he would have grazed the area, he was just that close. This time he gripped your thigh and it was three strikes and you were out of there. You instantly regretted standing up because when you did, his pinky brushed up against the spot that he was so eager to get to and you felt more disgusted with yourself than you thought possible.

“My apologies, but I would like to excuse myself to the ladies’ room for a moment before the food comes. Please do not pause the conversation for me. My notes and ideas will all still be right here ready when the time comes. I hope you enjoy the third song, gentlemen.”

As you leaned down to grab your wallet from the floor, you made it a point to whisper into John’s ear that he was not to follow you. Only leave if the icky producer left to make sure he did not try anything in the bathroom. You nodded to the table as a way of excusing yourself, and the second the door lightly clicked behind you, the producer leaned over the empty space between himself and John to call him out.

“Alright, Deacon, you listen to me. You’re acting like I couldn’t see that your hand was on her leg the minute we sat down, and then you grabbed her hand and have not let go since. Clearly, she is okay with physical contact from any guy, even from a mug as ugly as yours. So, you have about three seconds to explain to me why my hand was such a big deal to her.”

John looked absolutely mortified, going completely mute, his mind running twelve miles a minute. Roger started berating the man, the other producers trying to calm their comrade down, but the producer decided John had had enough time to gawk. A ringed, right-hand formed a fist and swung in John’s general direction. Needless to say, being at such close proximity, the man could hardly miss, and he cracked John directly on the left side of his face in front of his ear. John was not the largest man, so this sent him straight to the floor, but thankfully not unconscious. Meanwhile you were in the bathroom berating yourself for not having dragged John into the bathroom with you. You were hyperventilating and could not get a grip on your mind and body. You did not even about know the scene that was unfolding in the room thirty feet away from you. You told yourself you needed to pull yourself together so you could go in there, present your bit of the meeting, and just go home. Go home and wallow in the filth that you felt like you were. You made your way back to the private room, seeing your waiter on the way. You told him that if it was not too much trouble, you would like to cancel your meal and replace it with a cup of tea, you were not feeling too well and just wanted to play it safe. He told you that it would not be an issue, you thanked him, and wobbly made your way back to the private room. You could hear some dull shouting but could not tell it if was the music or the actual people in the room. You opened a door and only saw seven heads appearing before you, and you knew that there should have been eight. John was not there, but all the band members were looming over a spot on the floor. Oh God, John was on the floor. John was on the floor and moaning. Clutching the side of his head. What happened, was he having a migraine? A stroke? It was now your mind running too fast, and the room seemingly stopped when you walked back in, cheeks tear stained and sniffling. You gave all the men in the room a once-over, making it a point to make eye contact with the man who had caused all of this to show him you were not scared. Then, you made your way over to the spot on the floor where John was laying. You kneeled onto the floor and lightly grabbed the sides of his face, asking if he was okay and could he stand on his own. His pained eyes softened seeing you had returned and not seemingly in any pain of your own. He shook his head and took hold of your arms, you gently helping him off of the floor. The whole room was looking at you as if you completely ran this shitshow of a night. At that moment, the waiters with the food and your cup of tea came in, so you took initiative and controlled the next phase of the meal.

“Well, considering I cancelled my food because I no longer feel up to eating, I think this would be a perfect time for me to go over my portion of work while you all eat. So, if everyone would kindly take their seats so the waiters can distribute meals to the proper patrons, I would gladly like to get this show on the road.”

Every single person in the room did exactly what you were told, and almost instantly John gave your knee a knowing squeeze before digging into his meal. You started presenting your notes and your game plan for how you want the next photoshoots to go, and how you want the album portrayed. Everyone took your words in with such an intensity that you almost started to feel at ease. The producers hand never left the top of the table for the rest of the meal.

~

The nightmare of a meeting had finally come to a close, and the producers, despite what all had happened, felt that the music was great and the publicity plan was equally as good. You all slowly made your way to the front of the restaurant, trying to act as casual as possible. You all made it to your cars, and you got in the limo before the producers could say a word to you. The rest of the band and Miami exchanged their goodbyes. Before crawling into the limo, John asks the boys if something would be okay.

“Hey, I know this is super last minute, but I have a favor I want to ask of you all.” All the men nodded their heads, knowing that they would say yes to whatever it is John needed after the night he had. “I have something I want to do for Y/N, but I need to go to the studio to do it. Miami, could I borrow your spare key for the night, have you all get dropped off at your houses first, and then take her to the studio? I’ll give our driver more specific instructions, and then I will make sure it is okay with her, and go from there.”

“Of course, John. Whatever you need.”

John made his way to where the driver was standing and gave him the specific instructions, making sure he knows that once they make it to his house, he will handle the driving in his own car from there. The driver had no complaints, so all that was left was for John to run it by you. Now the nerves kicked in. The boys let him get in the limo first so he could sit next to you and talk to you privately.

“Hi love.” You sent him a tired and sad smile. “I have a question for you, if that’s alright.”

“Of course, Deaks, what’s up?”

“If you’re not too tired and okay with it, I would actually like to drive you back to the studio tonight. There’s something I want to show you, but I left it there and I think it would brighten your mood a little. I would drive you home directly afterwards. Do you feel up to that?”

“Quality time with you is just what I think I desperately need, John. Please.”

With that, John’s plan had gone into full effect. The driver dropped each person off at their respective houses, each with an “I’ll see you lot on Monday.” Eventually, they had made it to John’s house, which happened to be around 9:30pm, so you would make it to the studio by 10:00pm. John ushered you out of the limo, saying he would explain everything once you got in his house. “We won’t be here long, love, I just need to grab a couple things.” You had not seen John’s house before. You loved it. It was a small cottage that just felt homey. You could envision yourself living in a place like this one day, but for now your apartment had to do. John explained that he would be driving you two to the studio that way the limo driver could go home and get some sleep. He also brought down, along with the stuff he was taking to the studio, a change of clothes. He had already changed, though, so you were confused to say the least.

“You need to be comfortable, too, love. These are going to be a little bit big on you, but at least you won’t be in a stuff dress anymore.”

He thrusted his clothes in your general direction, and he directed you in the direction of his bathroom. You went to change and a thought made you super anxious. “I didn’t wear a bra with this dress.” You were about to put on a pair of John’s sweatpants that you were sure you were going to have to roll to keep them on your waist, and one of his older tee shirts directly against the skin of your entire torso. You were not sure what to do, when he knocked on the bathroom door.

“You alright, love?”

“Y-yeah John, um I just realized something, though. I’m… ‘m not wearing a bra with this dress, is that an issue?”

Like hell it is not, is what John wanted to say, but he is a gentleman – not the asshole from dinner.

“I won’t pay attention to that, Y/N. I just wanted you to be comfortable, is all. If you’re not going to be comfortable, I can take the clothes back…”

“No, John. It’s okay. It’s pretty big, so you shouldn’t be able to see anything, anyway.”

You had a moment of shared thought again. What if I want him to be able too, though?/What if I wanted to see something? You came out of the bathroom in his large, black tee shirt and large, grey sweatpants with the dress folded lightly over your arm, shoes rested on top of it. John had even given you a pair of his smallest socks and slippers to wear. You gave him a soft smile, and being the gentleman he truly is, never once looked down to where he so desperately wanted to look. After all, your face was much too beautiful to ignore, anyway. You followed him back to the front of his home where he picked up his stuff and motioned for you to leave first so he could lock up. He gave you the car key so you could unlock and start it while he messed with his front door. By the time he got to the driver’s seat after putting his belongings in his trunk, he noticed that you were looking at your chest. At first he thought you were getting self-conscious about not having a bra on, which he did not mind for a number of reasons. Then he noticed what you were actually doing – playing with the little bass around your neck again. The sight made his head spin. He could not believe he was about to do what he was going to do, and the fact that you were unconsciously doing that without knowing that was exactly what he was going to do drove him wild. The drive to the studio was quick and quiet, you both sitting in silence just enjoying the peace and each other’s presence. John could honestly say that he has never had an experience like this, where he felt simply at ease. Especially alone with a girl. Once you were back in the Queen-designated booth, you took your natural, force-of-habit spot on the couch, and John just laughed at you quietly.

“No, silly. Come in here with me, there are some bean-bag chairs we can sit on.” He extended his arm out in front of him for you to take, which you did, completely unaware of what was about to happen.

John stopped you in the middle of the floor, right next to where he had dropped off his bass, then scurried to the back of the room and pulled out to of the bean-bag chairs. Black and yellow. John’s and yours favorite colors, respectively. It really was the small things that mattered, huh? He fluffed up your seat to the best of his ability, and then gestured for you to sit and get comfortable. He did just the same. Then he opened his bass case, laid it across your lap for the moment, while he flipped through the pile of sheets that he had in the pocket of the case. That was another thing you really were intrigued by and needed to ask the boys about come Monday. You had never seen another soul get this close, let alone touch, John’s bass. It was like it was his child and he would do anything to protect it. What made it so you could touch it? John had finally found what it was he was looking for in his stack of papers, and gestured for you to hand him his bass. You carefully handed it to him, and when he took it from you, his signature crinkly smile returned. He placed the bass in his lap as if he was going to play it, but before he could do anything, you asked him a question.

“Are you just not going to tell me what is happening or do I have to guess or…”

“I finally wrote that song you wanted to hear, love.”

[mezzomercury]

Bohemian Rhapsody in Blue: Chapter Six- You are the Sunshine of my Life

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: Mentions of Pregnancy, C-Section/Childbirth

*******************

January 17, 1986

Lindo Wing, St. Mary’s Hospital

London, United Kingdom

6:32am

It was only an hour ago that the lives of one Freddie Mercury and his husband Jim Hutton were changed forever and undoubtedly for the best. For it was then that their daughter, Eliza Marlene Bulsara-Hutton, arrived into the world at a tiny but healthy six pounds and four ounces, with an enormous set of lungs that seemed to carry her first cries throughout the entire hospital. Once her surrogate mother Nadia was stitched up from the unplanned, but successful C-Section that rang in her birth, the three new parents were escorted to a luxurious recovery suite. They had a few minutes to spare before officially meeting their daughter, so Freddie and Jim took a moment to hold each other, both feeling as though their love for one another had greatly expanded and could no longer be contained or described.

Meanwhile, Nadia, who was fighting the urge not to sleep, was lying on the bed, with her mind drifting to a perpetual mystery yet to be solved: Will I ever see this baby again after all of this? Am I really her mother still? She assumed that she would leave the hospital alone and come back to her old flat, living out the rest of her life as if the past nine months had never happened, but seeing that baby girl whom she carried and gave life to suddenly changed all of that. She wanted so badly to hold the baby to her chest, count her tiny fingers and toes to make sure they were all there, and shower her with love, but alas, she figured that it was never meant to be. Eliza was Freddie and Jim’s daughter now. She was in the world now, living and breathing on her own, and therefore Nadia was supposedly no longer needed. The facts of this matter were painful, but true. She was glad that she was able to provide the couple standing before her with an amazing gift, but she couldn’t help but want to feel more included than she already had been.

All was interrupted when a nurse entered their suite, holding a tiny, mewling newborn to give to her beaming fathers. 

“Someone wants to see you.” the nurse whispered as she came over to the three of them, now anxiously waiting to meet their daughter. 

Before the nurse could place the baby into either Freddie or Jim’s arms, they stopped her and gestured towards Nadia, clearly inviting her to be the one to hold her first. To Nadia, the moment seemed almost surreal, as she didn’t have any high expectations for seeing the baby at all, and had to ask both fathers a soft, “Are you really sure?” before given an instant nod of approval from both of them. She could feel her heart racing as the nurse came over to her bedside and slowly settled the infant into her mother’s awaiting arms. As she pulled back the blanket to reveal Eliza’s face, Nadia gasped and smiled ear to ear before muttering, 

“She’s….so beautiful.”

For the most part, the thought of Nadia holding the baby never really occurred to her before now, but Freddie and Jim insisted that their daughter meet the woman who carried her and gave her life. She tried her very best not to get attached, but she nearly lost it as little Eliza grabbed onto her index finger and gave it a tight squeeze. Noticing how much she tried to suppress her emotions, Jim sat beside her on the bed and put his arm around her slowly. 

“We’ve been thinking,” he spoke quietly while looking down at his daughter in complete awe, “and we decided it would be best if Eliza has her mother in her life. That is, only if you want that, dear.” 

Nadia’s heart seemed to do a somersault at this sudden proposition, and was about to reply until Freddie joined in while coming to stand next to them on the other side of the bed and put his hand on her forehead to brush back her sweat-soaked hair from her face, 

“After all, what kind of fathers would we be if we didn’t let our daughter grow up with her beautiful, strong, and intelligent mum?” 

Both of their statements caused Nadia to feel even more overwhelmed than she already was, and before anyone could blink, hot tears started streaming down her face. Freddie and Jim immediately panicked and tried to comfort her as best as they could. 

“No no no no no, darling. Please don’t cry. We didn’t mean to upset you.” Freddie cooed to her and kissed her cheek, “You can give us an answer once you feel better. You’ve had an incredibly long day, and the sun isn’t even up yet.”

Once Nadia calmed down, mostly for the sake of the baby in her arms, Eliza began to stir, garnering everyone’s attention. Her mother beamed down and murmured, 

“Looks like someone wants to meet both of you.” 

As Nadia shifted the tiny bundle to pass off to one of them, she suddenly paused and realized she didn’t know which eager father was going to hold her first. A puzzled expression crossed her face, which made Freddie come to her rescue, 

“Jim, darling, you should take her first.” trying to hide the fact that he was afraid of dropping her once it was his turn. 

Nadia silently nodded and carefully handed over the squirming infant to her Papa, who welcomed her into his arms like a seasoned professional. Once she was in Jim’s warm embrace, Eliza seemed to calm down and resume sleeping, her mouth slightly opening in a tiny “o” shape. The sight of it all melted Freddie’s heart to the point where at any moment he could turn into a blubbering fool. Out of curiosity, Jim slowly removed the tiny pink hat that was covering her head to reveal a nearly full head of dark hair that was standing up from static. This revelation made Freddie roar with laughter, before realizing he would wake the baby and suddenly covered his mouth, as he often did in order to hide his teeth, trying to stifle noise, which turned his face a deep crimson. 

“She’s like a cat, isn’t she?” Nadia joked as she noticed the hat that was once on Eliza’s head was covered in tiny, black hairs. 

Jim chuckled and rocked the baby gently, now in his own little world, and taking in every detail of his daughter’s face. He found himself absolutely speechless, wanting to tell her everything and anything, but just resorted to kissing her soft cheek instead and inhaling the intoxicating scent of her head.

After a minute or two of just holding Eliza and memorizing her tiny face, Jim finally felt he could speak and whispered, 

“Let’s have you meet your Daddy now, sweet girl.” 

As he was getting ready to pass her over to his husband, Freddie felt his stomach drop and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He knew this moment was coming. He was excited, but oh so terrified. Sure, he held Brian, Roger, and Deaky’s children and his godson when they were babies, but this was completely different. What if I drop her? What if she starts crying as soon as I touch her? His mind thought of endless negative possibilities, but Jim interrupted them by saying, 

“Here, sit down. It will be easier.” 

Freddie complied and sat in the reclining chair at Nadia’s bedside, opening his arms which were mildly shaking with nerves. His husband shifted Eliza in his arms, guiding him patiently and whispered into his ear, 

“She’s so beautiful. She looks just like you.” 

This caused Freddie’s eyes to soften and look down at the tiny girl who was now comfortably nestled in his hold on her. He secretly hoped that she ended up being biologically Jim’s, but this was still a pleasant surprise, seeing how Jim was clearly ecstatic about having another little Freddie in his life. He took notice of his daughter’s resemblance to himself more and more and then rebuked, 

“Poor thing, let’s hope she won’t have my teeth.”

The sound of Freddie’s voice caused Eliza to slowly open her eyes for the first time and look up at her beaming father, as if to say, “I know you. I recognize that voice.” Her pair of large, curious brown eyes met the ones identical to hers, causing the owner of the latter to softly coo to her, 

“Hello there, Liza darling. Can you see me, my love?” 

The two of them couldn’t stop staring at each other, and Jim and Nadia could only watch, both in silence and adoration, as the pair before them were forming an incredible bond right before their eyes. Freddie felt at a loss for words until he heard Nadia interject, 

“Just keep talking to her. She likes hearing your voice.”

Freddie thought back to the months before this moment, when Nadia told him around the start of the second trimester in her pregnancy that the baby could hear him, he started talking to her baby bump whenever he had the opportunity to. He didn’t even have to think about what to say, he just would talk about absolutely anything, but mostly about how excited he was to meet the baby. Eventually, as he got more comfortable with the idea that his unborn child was listening, he would start to sing to her in hopes that she’d recognize his voice once she was here in the world. Most nights at the Garden Lodge ended with him and Jim lounging on the sofa with Nadia between them, Freddie rubbing and singing to her belly in order to get the baby to kick. He would always squeal or yelp in delight whenever he felt tiny kicks, movements, or even hiccups beneath his hands, and would beg Jim to join him in feeling their daughter-to-be as he continued to sing. He held those moments so near and dear to his heart; those moments where he could have sworn he was the happiest bloke who ever lived.

Freddie quickly snapped back into reality as Eliza, who was now a tiny little human with thoughts, feelings, and a bright future ahead of her, was stirring and making noises that signaled she was about to fuss unless she heard her father’s voice again. Freddie quickly tried to rack his brain and figure out what song to sing to her before she became hysterical, but had so many choices, since he would literally sing anything to her while she was still in the womb. At the very last moment before Eliza could start wailing, he started rocking her gently and sang softly:

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are grey

You'll never know, dear

How much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

The dulcet tones of her father’s singing seemed to soothe little Eliza instantaneously, as she slowly closed her eyes and sighed almost comically in satisfaction, just before dozing off into a peaceful slumber. Upon realizing he didn’t know the lyrics to the next verse, Freddie just resorted to humming the same tune, all while shifting the sleeping angel to rest against his chest. Jim rushed over to help, adjusting the reclining chair so that his husband could be further back, and undid the top few buttons of his shirt, silently suggesting that their baby would benefit from some skin-to-skin contact.

Somehow during all of this, Nadia happened to nod off as well, as her body gave in to the exhaustion culminating from the past nine months up until today. Jim looked back to see her sleeping and went back to her bedside, stroking her face and putting another blanket on her. 

“We are so lucky that we met her when we did.” He whispered to his husband, who had stopped singing moments ago and was now rubbing Eliza’s back and planting tiny kisses on her forehead. 

“I know, darling. She gave us the most perfect little girl we could have asked for.” Freddie agreed before asking, “Do you think she’ll say yes to our little proposal?” 

Jim shrugged, but still kept his eyes on her, 

“I certainly hope so. It’s fair to say we’ve grown quite fond of our new friend, haven’t we, Fred?” 

Freddie nodded and looked at him lovingly, before looking back at their tiny daughter sleeping contently against his chest.

“Your papa and I love you so much, my dear. More than you’ll ever know.”

******************

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[muddyhippy]

Night Terrors, Chapter 5: Check-ins and Check-ups

A Lily Of-Many-Names Mechanisms Story

(reposting because Tumblr refused to have this pop up in the mechanisms tag before!)

Summary

Lily has another nightmare filled with darkness and bad ones later than her usual night terrors torment her and when her usual source of comfort is nowhere to be found she decides to try her luck with the one person she’s pretty sure will still be up…

Featuring;  Some science officer observations, discussions of nightmares, lots of comfort, medical practice, some past Jonny whump, and some soft mechs at the end!

On AO3 here

Check-ins and Check-ups

 There was a tentative knocking at the lab door.

Raphaella frowned, she checked the ship’s time, 4:54 am. That was unusual. The only one who bothered to knock like that was Lily and Lily would be in bed by now and—

Ah.

Raphaella moved in a fluid motion, rising from her workbench and opened the door to be greeted by a slightly soggy Lily, the tear tracks and snotty nose was evidence of what had happened, clutching a fuzzy lump of something.

“Jonny not in his room?”

Lily shook her head, “M’sorry.”

Raph sighed. It wasn’t a great inconvenience, she was hardly interrupting a breakthrough, she’d just lost track of time documenting one of her less hazardous bio-concoctions. Without a word she scooped Lily and her fuzzy thing up and carried her back to the bench. Lily immediately cuddled in close to her, Gemini tucked against her chest, breathing in the science officer’s familiar scent of chemicals, leather and a hint of flowers from her long golden hair. Lily loved Raphaella’s hair, it was so beautiful and silky. She loved being allowed to play with it, threading her little fingers through the fine strands and trying to plait them carefully.

“You want to tell me what it was about?” prompted Raphaella.

“It was silly.” Lily thought the science officer was so clever and busy with all he experiments she felt shy and small and silly admitting what was wrong, she was a big girl and she should be able to handle one little nightmare. Even if it had really scared her. Lily hadn’t wanted to bother her, Raphaella was always kind when she did her checks on her but that was always at the same time, they were planned. So were all her fun science lessons. This was definitely interrupting and interrupting was rude.

Raphaella sighed, disappointed at Lily’s conclusion, “If it upset you then by definition it is not silly. Just because dreams are caused by synapse transfer and your brain’s interpretation of events does not mean that the outcome can be deemed ridiculous if it has an impact on you.”

“Oh.” Lily wasn’t entirely sure what that meant but it sounded like she didn’t think Lily was silly after all.

“Quite.”

“I dreamt the Aurora was all dark and cold and I could hear banging like a big, angry someone was trying to get in.” Lily explained quietly.

“I see.” Raphaella frowned.

Lily quailed a little, misinterpreting her expression and began to hide her face, “I said it was silly.”

The science officer sighed, realising what Lily thought she’d meant, “And what did I say?”

“Sorry.” The child cast her eyes down as she mumbled.

Very gently Raphaella caught Lily’s chin and pulled her face up to meet her, “No, don’t be sorry. This is a perfectly rational thing to dream Lily. You’ve been very brave and you continue to be brave. My research indicates that nightmares are a way of processing something very frightening and unpleasant that as happened to you. What happened to you was not silly so your way of processing it is also not silly.”

It had actually be a good excuse to research nightmares in general since she knew full well the whole crew got them, regardless of age. Her own ones were manageable if unpleasant, determined to remind her of things she’d much rather forget.

Lily’s lower lip wobbled dangerously.

Raphaella sighed and for once decided to take a leaf out of Jonny’s book.

Logical rational explanations could wait until she was little older. And she knew Lily responded extremely well physical comfort, she’d seen evidence of that be beyond that farthest doubt.

“Come here little proton, it’s alright.” Raphaella wrapped both her arms and wings about the upset child and began rocking her like she’d seen Jonny do. It seemed to work after all and if observed action had been proved to yield positive results then who was she to argue with empirical evidence?  

“It’s alright. You’re safe. Aurora is never truly dark, Nastya, Jonny, Tim and Brian don’t really like the dark either so she makes sure it’s always bright enough. And no one can get into Aurora without our say so. Aurora wouldn’t let them in anyway.”

“An’ you’d shoot them if they did.” Came a convinced voice.

“We certainly would. Or do something more interesting but we’d make sure they never got to you.”

“Promise?”

Raphaella was not in the habit of keeping promises, they were ephemeral and inconsequential unless you could use them to get what you wanted but this one felt important.

“On my honour as a scientist.”

Lily’s eyes widened at the words, that was very important. Raphaella was the best scientist there was and science was very, very precious to her. So she very much meant it.

“Thank you.” Lily snuggled closer

Raphaella sighed once more, not really put out, she began to card her fingers gently through Lily’s silvery hair. It had been more pleasant than she’d been expecting to show Lily an exact comparison for her hair colour in the natural world, sunshine reflected off the surface of the lake. She rather thought the explanation of how light travelled and refracted might have gone a bit over her head but Lily had been an enthusiastic listener all the same which was better than her crewmates most of the time. She had been thrilled at being compared to sunshine too.

Lily tentatively inched her fingers towards Raphaella’s cascading tresses, seeking the comfort they represented, Raphaella was kind and she was safe, she looked after her using her science. Lily loved sitting on the science officers’ lap, it made her feel important and special when Raphaella spoke science to her, (like when the others told her about things they loved too) even if she didn’t always understand it, she especially loved it when she let her play with her hair. Lily wanted to grow hers just as long.

The science officer gave Lily her warmest smile, the one she had cultivated especially for the child. “Go on little proton, I don’t mind.”

Lily gave her a smile filled with wonder that quickly turned into one of happy, soothed exhaustion. Two hands, one large, one small, each carefully combing fingers through soft hair, both knowing a singular form of peace.

It took precisely two minutes and thirty seven seconds for Lily to fall asleep under the science officer’s ministrations. Lily had never fallen asleep on Raphaella before, she wasn’t normally the lulling type, leaving it to the others when the occasion arose but this was immensely satisfying, she could now see why Jonny never really complained about holding her till she slept.

She was glad this interaction was being recorded too, it would be useful to refer back to when comparing different calming methods they all used to see which was the most effective. She had a suspicion that despite all their research, Jonny’s instinctive cuddle and rocking combination from the first night was probably the more sure-fire way to settle Lily. Not that she’s tell him of course. He didn’t need to know just what a comparably good job he was doing. The thing Lily had been clutching was likely to be a Jonny concoction too, the man was deceptively good at needlecraft, he’d mended enough of the crew’s clothes over the years when sufficiently bribed with whiskey, he’d even fixed the Toy Solider’s uniform when it got torn badly enough, complaining that he’d done so only because he couldn’t stand it moping around lamenting the damage.

He’d even carefully embroidered eyes on the thing Lily held which seemed to be some sort of geological shape. She could admit whilst in her own company only that the craftsmanship on it was rather remarkable. He’d obviously gone to some effort to make her something with crystalline accuracy in some sort of fuzzy fabric and given how tightly Lily had been holding it but she’d never seen it in the mess at meal times nor had it accompanied the child to her check-up sessions, it was her comfort-at-night object. That, that was surprisingly thoughtful of him. She smiled quietly to herself.

He definitely didn’t need to know what a good job he was doing.

Maybe a hint.

He also didn’t need to know the general positives these interactions were having on the pair of them and by extension, the rest of the crew. They would all work it out eventually and if she said anything too soon the idea would be dismissed out of hand, no, it was much better to be able to make unobtrusive observations and predictions unhindered.

 Lily was beginning to grow at a healthy rate, she wasn’t back up to where she should be yet but after three months she was now making steady progress. At her last weekly check-up Lily was now projected to be back on track to reach where she should be for a healthy eight year old in the next three months. They’d successfully reversed the physical damage done to her by the three weeks of acute malnutrition but the longer effects of a lifetime of not having quite enough would take longer to mend.

Still, it felt, well, nice to see her improving.

The first time she’d insisted on a proper check had been only few days after Lily had joined them. She’d asked Jonny to bring her to lab so she could get a real idea of what they were working with for Lily, exact height and weight, not to mention resting heart rate, lung capacity, bone density and a blood test to make sure everything was functioning as it should be. Lily was human so there were some basics that could be taken for granted but Raphaella wanted a solid starting point for knowing how best to reverse the damage of long term malnutrition.

 She’d argued with Jonny about it for 47 minutes before he finally saw sense and agreed to bring her along. His hang ups over poor medical practice were one thing and even understandable but not to the point that it impeded Lily’s recovery.

 He’d grudgingly agreed, especially when the others added their voices in assent and Raphaella assured him that she’d keep to the bare minimum of procedures to assess Lily.

 Marius had argued that it was so they could help her not hurt her. Given how delicate the matter was nobody teased Marius that surely it should be him leading the investigation if he was, in fact, a doctor. As it was, they all recognised that Raphaella’s dedication to the scientific approach would probably yield better results long term.  Marius and Brian advised on what she should be looking for specifically all the same.

 It was Nastya who’d finally swung him into accepting the proposal. She pointed out that if they didn’t check her properly when they could have and it turned out that they’d ensured the damage done by her ship management was permanent then that made them no better than the idiots that had led her mission. A grim accolade no one wanted to earn, the more Lily talked about life on her ship the more everyone was convinced it was mission led by utter idiots doomed to failure.

 She added quietly that they weren’t like their creator, that Carmilla would only be interested in tests to see how she could exploit Lily. They needed to conduct tests to work out exactly how to help Lily properly and make sure she stayed healthy and happy.

 Jonny couldn’t argue with that. Well, he could. But he wouldn’t, Lily being safe and well and as healthy as she could be was too important. Kid was a bag of bones, a mortal bag of bones at that and he should know, she still spent half her time attached to him and he was honestly worried by how light she was. He had very vague memories of being young except for a few key things but if he really thought about it he was sure at eight he’d been taller and broader. That wasn’t a bullshit boy vs girl nonsense thing either, he was sure he’d been taller and heavier at her age and that was with his family set up. Something was wrong. Raphaella was right, they did need to check.

He didn’t have to like it though.

Raphaella wasn’t sure which of the two were the more nervous coming in to the Lab.

She made it more into a game in an attempt to settle them both, it wouldn’t do for their nerves to set up a negative feedback loop.  She got them both to play catch with one of her more robust recorders so she could check hand to eye coordination and reflexes. She challenged Lily to scrunch up as small as she could then stand on her tip toes and then stand as straight and flat-footed as she could on her weighing scales.

 Raphaella had Jonny pick her up and hold her as though they were posing for photo whilst she deployed the scanner for Lily’s bone density, explaining that she wanted close ups of her smiling face. It covered her dental development too.

Checking her ears and throat had been relatively easy, getting silly to pull as ridiculous faces as she could whilst trying to sing ‘Old King Cole’ worked on her throat and the otoscope was hardly invasive.

Jonny had managed to keep things light enough asking if Raphaella had found some of Ashes’ missing gold down there. Lily had been indignant and Raphaella had played along, pleased he was trying to make things easier.

The blood test was unsurprisingly a little harder of a sell.

Lily went rigid with fear when she saw the needle.

Hmm. Understandable but not helpful, it was one of her smallest ones as well.

Jonny cleared his throat, his own spine stiffening and also not taking his eyes off the syringe. “Why don’t we have a go with the stethoscope first?”

That was a surprising suggestion coming from him. Raphaella had been planning to brace herself and try to use that as a wind down but maybe there needed to be buffer. She decided to put it to Lily to decide.

 “Lily, I’m not going to hurt you. I need to take a little bit of your blood to check everything is working as it should be inside you. Your blood can tell me all sorts of important things that you yourself won’t be able to tell me.”

 Lily still looked scared. Raphaella found it wasn’t an expression she liked to see on so young a face. Raphaella had no problem being seen as intimidating or even down right terrifying by those who crossed her path or got in her way. That was half the fun, but on Lily? No, she didn’t like being the cause of that fear one bit. The test was still needed though.

 “But you’ve got a choice,” she continued in the tone she’d already modulated especially for the child, no-nonsense but gentle, firm but soft enough to put her at ease most of the time. “I can take this sample now then use the stethoscope to listen to your heart and lungs or I can listen first and then take the blood sample but either way I need to take it.”

 The child had tried to melt into Jonny, clinging to him, fingers burying in fabric and belts.

Raphaella tried not to notice that the comforting hand that was running up and down her back was trembling.

Lily turned to face Jonny. “What do you think?”

Jonny tore his gaze from the poised syringe and did his best to look relaxed and nonchalant despite the fact his heartrate had audibly trebled, “I think it’s always better to get the thing that scares you done first. Raph’s right though, she’s only doing it because she wants to make sure you’re okay inside and out. It won’t hurt, it’s more like getting a sharp pinch on your skin for a second and then it’s done.”

 He didn’t mention that it was fine when blood was being taken from you rather than a bunch of different poisons being injected into you over and over again to see how quickly each one affected you and how quickly you came back. How each one burned and cramped and ripped through every single system until he was desperate for death. He was the first after all. Carmilla had to make sure her new creation was full-proof and indestructible. That he could come back from anything.

“How do you know?”

Jonny smiled ruefully, “I’ve had a lot of injections over the years, given lots of samples too. It doesn’t hurt.” ‘It’s what comes after’ remained unsaid.

“Oh.” Lily clearly thought about it, weighing up the pros and cons. She eyed the stethoscope on the science officer’s workbench. She knew how that worked at least. There was something right next to her that might make her feel braver. “If Raphaella takes a sample can, can I listen to your heart while she does it?”

Jonny was halfway to opening his mouth to say ‘no’ on sheer reflex when Lily added in a small voice, “I don’t want to watch. I don’t like blood. It goes bad and gloopy and changes colour too quickly. And it smells horrible.”

Well fuck. He could hardly say no to that.

“You won’t be able to smell it Lily, it’ll be in the syringe.” Raphaella tried to distract, she was well aware of Jonny’s dislike of anything to do with exam practice. She was actually impressed he’d not just dumped Lily on her and run, that he’d taken part so far. He had more courage than she gave him credit for, that or a greater sense of guardianship than she’d expected. Either way, he was making her job much easier and she appreciated it.  

Raphaella had tried to get a better understanding of his Mechanism not long after she’d joined the crew, intrigued by the ticking of his chest. She’d come at him with a stethoscope and woken up in the wreckage of her workbench recovering from 6 gunshot wounds.

She hadn’t pursued that line of research further.

“Still don’t like it.” Lily half spoke into Jonny’s chest and half to the science officer.

“That’s fair enough.” Conceded Raphaella

Lily’s eyes were doing the thing again. The thing where they took up half her face, she gazed imploringly up at him. “Please?”

Fuck. He really had to immunise himself against that. Later. Now though?

He swallowed. “Sure.”

Raphaella raised an eyebrow, fully prepared to snatch Lily out of his arms and rocket skywards if he looked like he was going to detonate like he did last time.

Jonny gave her the tiniest nod.

This was Lily. He shook himself internally. It was Lily. Lily couldn’t hurt him if she tried. Okay, well she could but she wasn’t armed right now and she liked his ticking. He forced himself to watch her, to brace for the touch of the disc. He’d be ready, he’d know. If he closed his eyes there was no guarantee he’d be able to hold it together for her. This was Lily reaching to him for comfort, he reminded himself firmly. She needed him to distract her from something frightening but necessary. Lily wasn’t going to sigh and tut and then open him up.

 He wasn’t strapped to a table.

 He forced himself to breathe as calmly as he could, the way Ivy had shown him from one of her books when he’d taken refuge once in the earliest incarnation of the library.

 He was fine, he was holding Lily. He was free to move. He was holding Lily and being reassuring because needles were frightening. He was proving it was fine. It was fine.

 The disc made contact.

 It took everything in him not to bolt.

 “Jonny, your ticking is very fast.” A little voice piped up matter-of-factly.

 Before he got a chance to answer Lily had already drawn her own conclusions.

 “I know I’m not a proper doctor like Raphaella but I won’t hurt you. See?” She took the disc off then pressed it even more gently against him, then rested her head on him too, trying to be reassuring.

 Fucking Hell. That she thought she could hurt him? Like this? At all? But the pressure helped. Carmilla had never been gentle with his chest. She’d never been gentle full stop.

 Lily was.

 This was Lily and it was fine. He held her a little tighter. “I like this,” she spoke quietly, as if she was speaking directly to his heart but then again, when wasn’t she? “I can hear your ticking all around. It’s going slower now.”

 It took two tries to speak.

 “T-That’s because you’re doing a good job.” Raphaella was watching him like a hawk, despite the fact he’d drained of colour and there was a noticeable (to her experienced eye at least) tremor running through him he was still sat still and solid for Lily, making no sign that he was about to flip her workbench.

 “I am?”

 “Of course.” He managed the ghost of his usual grin, “I don’t let just anyone listen to me.” If only she knew how true that was.

 Lily beamed at him, utterly delighted. Just as Raphaella took her moment.

 Jonny was aware enough of the situation to catch Lily’s face as she turned to see the source of the sudden pinch, directing her back to look at him, the surprised ‘Eeep!’ already escaping her lips. “Keep looking this way Lemondrop, it’s alright. Keep listening to the ticking.”

 Tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

 “It’s alright,” he ran his fingers through her hair, hating that she was upset, hating that they were doing this. He’d always sworn he’d have nothing to do with anything like this but here he was. A necessary evil. “It’s alright, she’ll be done soon. You’re being very brave.” He didn’t dare rock her and risk jostling the needle so he hummed instead.

 She clung to him with her other hand, with a muffled whimper but did as he asked. It didn’t hurt, not really but the idea of something being stuck in her was an idea she didn’t like. Still, Jonny had her and she could hear his ticking loud and clear and he said she was being brave so that was good. She could hear him humming Rose Red as well and she couldn’t help but relax, Jonny had her, she could hear his ticks and the humming and she could smell his spicesmokewhiskey.

 It was okay.

 She was safe.

 They were looking after her because she was part of the crew, they cared about her. It was alright.

 All at once there was the feel of something going away and something pressing on her arm.

 “There we go, all done, good girl, you’ve been very brave.” Raphaella finished taping the small cotton gauze to her arm covering the tiny pinprick of blood.

 Lily took a moment to take in the sight of her arm and then the science officer, Raphaella had been right, it hadn’t hurt. It had been scary because she wasn’t sure what it would be like and she was scared it would hurt because they were bigger and stronger and braver than her and that they said it wouldn’t hurt because it wouldn’t hurt them when they had to have needles in them but actually, it had been a bit of a shock but it hadn’t hurt at all and Jonny had made her feel safe all the way through and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her or let anything else hurt her anyway.

 She gave a sunny smile to Raphaella.

 “It didn’t hurt!”

 Despite herself, Raphaella was rather pleased, she allowed a knowing grin to bloom across her face, rather than the haughty scoff that she saved for the others, “I did say.”

 “You did!” Lily beamed wider.

 “Well I’m glad I was proved correct. Are you ready for me to take a turn listening to you?”

 “Yes.”

 “Good, I just need a listen to your chest and then we’re all done. Can I have the stethoscope back?”

 Lily carefully removed the buds from her ears and hand the piece of equipment back, she missed hearing Jonny’s ticking quite so loudly. She leaned against him instead.

 Raphaella decided not to comment on the sudden drop in tension from Jonny the second the disc was taken away from his chest.

 With gentle efficiency she had the device in her own ears.

 “Can you sit up straight for a moment please?” Lily did so, “then take some nice deep breaths for me.”

 Lily did the best she could.

 After a few minutes Raphaella sat back, satisfied.

 Her initial suspicions were well founded, Lily was almost chronically underweight and under-height but that could be fixed with care. Her lungs and heart seemed strong through and her reflexes as well as hand to eye coordination were sharp and focused, ears and throat were clear of infection too and that was the most common source of ailments for human children according to her research. Lily was a fighter and, pending the results of the blood tests had no reason not to make a full recovery. That was pleasing and definitely worth the few uncomfortable moments.

 She gave Jonny a short nod over Lily’s head.

 The relief in his face was something Raphaella was going to remember for long time to come. She might find him deeply irritating most of the time but he’d certainly proved himself when it counted. He was many things but could not be accused of being a selfish bastard. At least, not right now.

 “Alright then, all done here. I think you’ve earned something nice.”

 “Really?” Lily perked up even more.

 “Oh yes.”

 “What?”

 “I happen to know Brian’s been busy in the kitchen with Marius.” She happened to know exactly because they’d planned it earlier, it was only fair for Lily to get some sort of recompense for having to go through something unpleasant. It was something they all wished they had had when they were young (not to mention everything that had happened since they were young).

 The excited squeal that erupted was something that warmed both of the adults in the room and would certainly not get passed on to the chocolate cake bakers. It wouldn’t do to give them ideas after all.

 Not for the first time they found themselves hand in hand with Lily, swinging the excited child all the way to the mess.

 Raphaella came back to the present and smiled as she held the currently comforted and sleeping Lily, the child had got far more used to the weekly check-ups following the first one, it helped that her blood came back fine and healthy, no underlying issues to be concerned about so no more blood tests were needed.

 She still liked to listen to Jonny’s heart with the stethoscope during the check-ups.

 Jonny still endured it for her sake.

 Raphaella thought that over the weeks he’d looked a little more relaxed each time.

 The check-ups proved what they were seeing in real time. Lily was mending. She was putting on healthy weight and starting to grow, her skin was starting to have a glow to it again. It felt nice to have used her research and scientific approach for unquestionable good for once. She’d shared her findings with them all. The rest were pleased too. They’d made a comprehensive list of supplies with Ivy and Raph’s information that Ashes organised and sourced. Marius and Brian eagerly added more recipes to the collection and the others made a point of each eating vaguely healthy snacks every so often so as to not make Lily feel like she was the odd one out. Regular mealtimes helped too.

 It was satisfying to see that improvement over time, Lily was proving to be a fascinating research study that Raphaella was very much invested in. It was also immensely satisfying that the rest of the crew was just as invested her topic of study for once. Seeing Lily grow and heal and improve was something that was having a positive effect on the rest of the crew, she’d noticed (and made notes of course) that the crew interacted more frequently and more positively usually when Lily was present but sometimes even without her there. These developments were, pleasing, to put it into layman terms. Though Raphaella wasn’t entirely sure why. It would take further investigation of course but she did have eyes, the positive interactions were slowly improving the general well-being in the crew, communal mealtimes and friendlier banter seemed to be improving moods across the board.

 Most notably of course was Jonny.

 His general comportment had softened a little, his violent outbursts reduced and he definitely looked like he was sleeping more regularly. Raphaella estimated his alcohol consumption had dropped by a least a bottle a night which was rather impressive, it wasn’t like the alcohol did anything long term since all their mechanisms prevented permanent internal damage, especially when one was killed far too frequently to even consider organ failure due to extensive alcohol poisoning. But still, it was nice to see him looking more, centred, for lack of a better word.

 Heavy boots made their appearance on the peripheries of her hearing.

 Think of the devil…

 Raphaella took a moment to soak up the situation, Lily had fallen asleep against her peacefully and easily as if she were her mother. It was a completely new experience but not an unpleasant one it turned out. Raphaella had enjoyed introducing the scientific process to Lily over the past three months, teaching her the basic principles of chemistry and physics and now botany since she’d set up the hydroponics lab with Nastya and Ivy. That had been a fun collaboration and all three enjoyed Lily’s delight at each seed sprouted and new leaf grown.

 She’d added a whole new strand of research to her study too, the poisons and toxins of plants were fascinating and she was eager to put those to good use when the next opportunity arrived. There was always opportunity for hybridisation too. Excellent.

 The heavy boots stopped right outside the lab door followed by an uncharacteristically gentle knock.

 “Come in Jonny.”

 The first mate entered looking annoyed at the presumption that quickly melted into relief when he saw a sleeping Lily in her arms.

 The science officer gave him an appraising look. Despite the obvious panic at not knowing where Lily was Jonny still looked calmer and better rested than he had for centuries. Raphaella found she liked that look on him, he seemed far more settled, music rehearsals with everyone had become a lot more productive too, always a bonus.

 She still found it funny he refused to use his ship communicator to ask the group chat where Lily was on an evening she had a late nightmare-startled wander, clearly too proud to admit he’d lost her. It wasn’t as if she could get into any real danger any more. Both the Octokittens and Stowaways knew not to touch her and Aurora wouldn’t let her get lost anywhere too dangerous. Then again, the day he did they knew it would be a serious one.

 As it was the first mate was only looking marginally stressed and panicked, a whole lot better than she’d seen him look.

 Jonny took in the sight of Raphaella as he entered the lab. From the lights behind her and a sleeping Lily in her arms the science officer resembled an angel that he’d seen statues of on multiple worlds, beautiful and terrible, just as he remembered the preacher talking about on Sundays when he was small. He’d seen what Raph could do to somewhere or someone that irked her and he’d come to believe all those stories.

 Still, the look she was giving Lily as he walked in was something else, it was a face he knew she saved just for Lily, that slight softness, a pride in her eyes and smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

 Jonny knew Raphaella was incredibly pleased by the progress Lily had made both physically and with all the science lessons she’d been teaching, Lily had talked his ear off about all the things she’d made by experimenting. The physical checks were good too, in their way. Much as he hated them. If he really had to admit it, the checks were worth it, it was good to know Lily was on the right track at least, that they weren’t making a mess of her, at least not physically.

 “Thought she might be here.” Came his way of explanation,

 “Well congratulations.”

 “She been here long?”

 “Only half an hour or so.”

 “Good.” He stayed curt, not wanting to give her room to rinse him more than he was expecting, Raphaella had a way with words that could cut like one of her scalpels if he wasn’t careful, most of the time it didn’t bother him but if it was about Lily and how he handled her, it tended to cut to the core of him, much to his annoyance.

 “How did you lose her this time?”

 “I didn’t lose her!” he snapped, “She just got up when I wasn’t around. I do check the times on things you know, she’s usually up at 11, 1 and 3 so much that you can set a metronome by her. It’s not my fault she just got up out of sequence!”

 “And you weren’t in your room because?” pressed Raphaella, not giving an inch.

 “Because I wasn’t!”

 “Jonny,” Began the science officer in a deceptively gentle voice, “I could wake her up and make Lily ask you with her big blue accusing eyes.”

 The first mate looked furious he was about to say ‘you wouldn’t dare’ but Raph absolutely would to prove a point and he really didn’t want to risk having to admit the truth to Lily, he found it incredibly hard to lie to her properly after all.

 “Fine, Lily mentioned a birthday coming up some months from now and I am making something for that. Away from my room. Lost track of time. That’s it.” He ground out.

 “A secret something I take it?” Raphaella teased, amused to have caught him in such an obvious lie, Jonny on the whole was usually quite good at lying. He managed it effortlessly on stage after all. And he was damned good poker player.

 “You won’t find it.”

 “It wouldn’t have anything to do with the bits of clothing several of us have missed over the last few weeks would it?”

 Jonny’s ears began to turn red.

 “No.”

 ‘Aha.’ Thought Raphaella. But she was intrigued enough to let it stand, it was honestly rather refreshing to have Jonny do something vaguely productive outside of his musical and lyrical talents, repair work not-withstanding. There were only so many theoretical studies of chronic alcohol abuse and sleep deprivation she could observe before it got tiresome. This proved to be far more interesting.

 “Alright then, well I await to see the results with bated breath.”

 “Fuck off Raph.”

 “I could just wake her.”

 “I could just shoot you.”

 “You know you won’t.”

 The impotent rage on Jonny’s face was amusing to witness.

 “Fine, but I fill find a way to make you suffer.”

 “I look forward to it.”

 He matched her feral grin, feeling like he’d at least gained somewhat of an upper hand he moved on to the more important issue, Lily hadn’t been out of her bed unexpectedly for the last month, not since she found Brian during the poker game.  

 “What was it about this time?”

 “Doors being rattled and banged on by enemies in the dark.”

 “Oh, standard then. Good.”

 “Standard? I thought they were all like this one?” This was interesting, there were others? Raphaella got halfway through that thought and froze.

 Uh, Jonny realised he’d not actually shared a lot of detail of Lily’s nightmares, he passed on the basics to everyone at Tim’s insistence after she’d climbed in with him, demanding to know at least what they might have to deal with if the crew was now fair game to ask comfort from. The others had backed him up, the bastards, and he’d been forced to share a bit. He didn’t really want to, nightmares were private things after all and it wasn’t fair for him to share stuff that bothered someone else but as it had been pointed out, Lily was a child whom they all cared about, whom they were all guardians for and thus they all needed to know likely sources of upset and triggers to avoid when they spent time together, either during the day or if they happened to be the ones to comfort her at night.

 He’d relented, wanting to make sure she always had some solid options for comfort. He knew in excruciating detail how unpleasant it could be to suffer that sort of fear and misery on your own. Until you learned to ignore and bury it that is.

 So the others knew the basics at least, it was always the threat of attack, rattling and banging and bellowing in the dark unsurprisingly. He tended to keep the extra details to himself though, he knew how desperately Lily wanted to be seen as a ‘big girl’ by the crew. Even though there was nothing she could say or do that would actually make them think she was somehow less. Kid had endured enough and was still pretty functional, that was one hell of an achievement already. And she was stil mortal.

 Sometimes her nightmares was flavoured with gunfire (though not Tim’s apparently, that sounded different according to Lily, Jonny had no idea how the hell gunfire could sound ‘friendly’ but supposedly Tim’s did-children clearly had a higher nuance of sound perception-it made music lessons all the more interesting that was for sure), sometimes it was visions of what was left of her crew, her parents dying and on one particularly horrendous night images of her parents demanding to know why she hadn’t saved them. He had mentioned that one to Marius and then the rest of the crew since it had taken the singing of the entirety of ‘Alice’ to lull her back to sleep bookended with ‘Rose Red.’

 The one about her being left behind that she told to Brian was concerning, that one he had talked to the others about straight away, worried that taking her to a planet had, in fact, been a bad move. Given that that was as near as an admission to the idea he’d been wrong about wanting to take her planetside actually had them all discussing it properly with only minimal jeering. It ended up being pointed out that since it was such a new experience, even though it had been very positive, Lily’s subconscious was so traumatised it wasn’t surprising it had sparked off a different set of nightmares.

 It had assuaged the guilt a little at least. He was glad she clearly had really enjoyed the visit.

 “Jonny?”

 He realised he’d been staring into the middle distance and not actually talking. Shit.

 He refocused on her. A look crossed Raphaella’s face that he’d seen maybe once or twice before in all the years he’d known her. A hint of worry.

 “Does, does she have nightmares about what we, what I,” she corrected, “do here?”

 That question knocked him sideways, his initial instinctive bastard response died on his lips. This was Raphaella actually asking him, Jonny, for reassurance, reassurance that what she was doing wasn’t physcologically damaging their charge. He’d never seen the science officer look unsure before. Jonny realised he had a choice, he could lie and tell her that yes, the check-ups upset Lily and he’d had to calm her down from a lot of nightmares inspired by Raph’s actions or, or he could be honest.

 He thought about how genuinely devastated he’d be if one of the others told him that the reason Lily had come to them wasn’t because she couldn’t find him but that she was scared of him, that she’d had a nightmare about him because of something he’d done. He felt his guts twist. No, he couldn’t do that to Raphaella, he could murder her happily along with the rest of the crew whenever Lily wasn’t about and he’d been suitably bored or antagonised but lying about this?

 He couldn’t do it.

 If he stopped to think about it, there were quite a few things he couldn’t do now. All involved Lily, he couldn’t lie to the others about her, they were all in this together, more so than anything they’d been bound by previously. Jonny knew he was the primary source of Lily information but he actually respected that fact and that he should share as much as was reasonable to make sure it was as easy for the others to comfort and look after her as possible. This communal guardianship parenting thing they’d fallen into was working but it needed proper communication much as it felt like pulling teeth sometimes. It was needed so he did it. So they all did it.

 He fixed Raphaella with as sincere look as he could manage.

 “No Raph, she’s never had a nightmare about you or the check-ups, I think she’d settled into them, always asks me stuff about what you do in the lab so I reckon you’re fine.”

 Raphaella tried and failed not to look relieved.

 “Oh, well, thank you that’s, that’s preferable.”

 Yeah, it is. Her ship’s done enough of a number on her, she’s been here long enough now to know, I think, that we’re not trying to fuck her up.

 That seems like a reasonable conclusion. She’s not been put off by what she sees on a daily basis, between Tim’s shooting practice, TS’s stories and my science if that’s not affected her negatively then, for the moment we may remain in grace period.

 “What do we do when that ends?”

 “We’ll have to slowly introduce more regular elements of life on board to get her more used to things, little by little, it seems to be working so far.”

 Jonny considered, Raph did have a point, last week something had exploded and whilst Lily had gone stock-still and the colour drained out of her face she hadn’t cried or outwardly panicked, instead asked Jonny very quietly if they could find out what happened, because ‘it was probably Tim trying his new canon that he had been showing her through the building process but could they go and check please just to make sure?’

 So they had and it was. Jonny was feeling pretty fucking murderous but Tim had ignored him and got there first, explaining when they arrived exactly what he’d been upto, that he was sorry it went off without her there to see but the trigger had been too sensitive. He’d shown Lily the system and rig so that she understood the weapon and where the sound had come from, feeling much happier that she knew this was something to protect them and not a sign that they were under attack.

 Jonny had planned an elaborate murder for Tim and braced himself for an onslaught of nightmares that never came. Well they did but it was just the usual, banging on the doors in the dark one nothing to do with Tim or his explosions. He’d been waiting a full eight days and nothing. He was beginning to suspect Tim’s approach of including Lily in the construct of the weapon really had been a big help. Clever bastard.

 “Yeah, that’s, that’s probably as good a plan as we’ve got.”

 Raphaella considered, Jonny didn’t have to have been kind a moment ago. But he was. She’d almost entirely forgotten what it was like to be concerned about the long-term effects of her science and she hadn’t liked the feeling whatsoever. He could have made it worse and didn’t. That certainly counted for something and definitely towards her working theory about him and his own developmental track.

 “It’s probably better than what she would have in any other circumstance or with anyone else who might have rescued her. We’re all doing well with her, physically and mentally, we’re all in this together and it’s working, I can see it in my results and charts as clearly as I see it on her, against more odds than I think even Ivy would be comfortable calculating we’re improving her, as a crew, she’s healing and mending, and,” she considered her words, “you’re both the catalyst and accelerator in this compound of all of us, with all the variables.”

 Jonny began to open his mouth.

 “You’re good for her, my research indicates it.” Elaborated Raphaella stiffly. Being kind and gentle with Lily was far easier than she expected it to be, transversely being articulately kind to her crewmates was decidedly harder, she’d had very little practice and took refuge in her scientific terms, they always flowed more easily.

 Jonny’s eyes widened at the implication of what she was saying. That it was her saying it.

 Still, with him, sometimes actions spoke louder than words.

 Very carefully she handed over Lily to him, fuzzy rock thing and all, taking care to catch Jonny’s hand in the process and squeeze it for the briefest of moments.

 She was deeply surprised to receive a returning squeeze, equally as brief.

 She tried to read his face, a myriad of expressions flitted over him, shock, confusion, wariness, pride and elation before settling back to his default of ‘cocky bastard smirk’

 He held Lily close a moment then allowed a softer, sincere expression to linger in his eyes, “Thanks Raph, s’what the crew’s for, everyone’s got a job with this one.”

 He sobered and shifted, face returning to its usual look, his regular swagger sliding into his stance, “See you at breakfast.” He threw out his familiar feral grin without the need or will to add a snarky comment and sauntered out with a Lily tucked up against his chest who was at least half an inch taller and several pounds heavier than when she arrived.

 They were working as a crew and it was mending Lily.

 Not for the first time Raphaella considered the pair as they left her lab, a fond smile spreading across her face. The unlikeliness of this scenario had already cost Ivy one full notebook but the science officer could honestly conclude that she was deeply satisfied by this anomaly and looked forward to the further variables it generated.

 Otherwise, what even was the point?

 Smile still on her face she settled down to update her research log on the day’s nocturnal events. Her file was getting decidedly long.

 Raphaella found that only pleased her more.