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jq37 · 2 years ago

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Twice Upon a Time - Neverafter Ep 7

Trouble in Tuffeton

Hoo, boy. Welcome back to Dimension 20 where we have for you today, 3/4ths of a normal episode and then the wildest 25 minutes of your entire life–but more on that second part later.

For now, we’re where we left off–with our intrepid and slightly monstrous heroes just having brought Little Miss Muffet back to mostly normal. She’s still sporting a spider head, but she’s no longer feral. In fact, she’s pretty scared to be in a spider’s web. Which is ironic cause she wrapped everyone in her village up in spider silk cocoons. Awkward!

Before they head out, the group decides to search for the magical artifacts they were told Muffet was amassing, and Ger does best. Here’s what he finds:

A LOT of dead people that he instantly lies escaped to protect the children and especially Muffet

A velvety black cloak with stars embroidered inside

A ghillie suit/cloak that can disguise you as a pile of grass and leaves

A golden bridle (my mind jumps to the taming of Pegasus)

A mirrored, obviously magical sword with the word “Veritas” on it. Siobhan–resident Latin understander–translates that to “truth”

When Ger uses the sword to test it out, Brennan makes him do a Wis save. He gets a 13. With that, Brennan asks if he sees himself more as a frog or a human at that point. Ger says that him being a frog is what’s getting him through this awful experience alive so, right now, he’s actually feeling pretty froggy. And, likewise, he sees his reflection as he is–slimy and amphibious.

Puss checks his spider ring and sees that it’s pointing towards the entrance. As they follow it, they see a lot of spiders are returning to the cave now that Muffet has been taken care of, including Itsy Bitsy who drops off his stuff then goes to try and climb the water spout again.

They follow him out where it’s still raining and Muffet looks up sadly to the hill where she used to eat by herself every day. Everyone says they’ll gladly eat with her and as she smiles, the rain stops falling. It’s the first sun they’ve seen the Time of Shadows began.

And, much like in the fairy tale, with the sun out, the Itsy Bitsy spider gets to the top of the spout. Time goes to record his story and asks if he wants to be put into the book. The Spider, in what sounds like a clear “Pay Attention You Guys, This is a Major Theme” asks if it’s such going to be all sunshine all the time in the book. Because while he likes the sunshine more than the rain, he likes his resilience in the face of the rain and maybe he should bring some rain with him.

The Spider, as he’s very small and he thinks he’d be more helpful as a story, is about to choose the book when Tim (and really Ally it feels like lol) slams the book, to Brennan’s surprise and is like nooooo you have so much value out here! Let’s work on your self-talk. So the spider tags along but, because his story is in the book, Tim gets a new spell that is too high level for him to access yet.

(Btw: Brennan and Ally explain that Goose gets a new spell when he writes down someone’s story. So far he has the spell he doesn’t have access to yet, Jump (I assume from the Cow), Expeditious Retreat (from Jack), Lesser Restoration (from I believe King Cole), and Calm Emotions (the only other person I can remember him sending to the book is the Dish? Or I guess it could also be Muffet since he did write her story. Edit: Cindy too but does that count since it was second hand via an object?)

After this, Tim goes with the rest of the group to distract Muffet while they search the town for cocoons. Tim spots them then leads Muffet away so she doesn’t have to see any of this.

The group takes down the cocoons which are stuck up in the rafters and crack em open. Inside, are the citizens of the town–blessedly alive but VERY freaked out. Our heroes try to claim that this is all the result of a platonic adult sleepover gone wrong (Ally: Roll for Gaslight) to mixed results.

Meanwhile, Tim is trying to give Muffet a pep talk while the screams of her victims ring out in the background. She’s not super feeling the pep. Tim asks how it felt when she became the spider monster and she says it was weird. She was on the hill and then the spider showed up but it was bigger than it should have been. She says that things have felt weird, but she doesn’t know why–a common refrain of citizens of this world. Then, she starts to get a little meta. She says that it struck her all of a sudden that the fact that she’s scared of spider is the only thing anyone knows about her. Maybe the curds and whey thing also. It felt like she was only one thing and not even really that. And that felt messed up. Sounds like someone being cursed with the burden of meta awareness to me.

Back with the townspeople and the rest of the party, everyone is about ready to start the Mob Song from Beauty and the Beast and form a spider hunting party but Pinnochio casts suggestion on the mayor of the town (Mayor Harold Hopps) and gets him to back up the adult sleepover gone wrong version of events. With that sorted, it’s now party time!

The sun sets and the stars come out. There’s a call for perception checks that doesn’t seem to yield anything (highest roll was a 17). The townsfolk bring out alcohol and curds and whey for all in their party location–the Golden Chair tavern.

Ger and Red have a sidebar because Ger is NOT loving Red’s self talk. He says she’s not a monster and, while she appreciates the sentiment, she’s like, come on, you know what’s it like to feel like a monster or else you wouldn’t be trying to turn back into a prince. Ger concedes she has a point but when she asks if he still would still have loved Elody if she had a spider’s head, he thinks he would have. He didn’t just love her for her beauty. He loved that she was rebellious and fascinating and love him as he was. He thinks that maybe once he became handsome, he stopped trying so hard to be anything but that. Red says that it’s strange that Ger is kind of leaning into the non-prince thing because all the best stories are about princes and princesses and Ger–really leaning into the meta vibe of this ep–says that stories usually end once you become a prince or a princess. Roz, who is going through it, pops in to chime in that true love isn’t real–something she as a full adult at 18 would know–and we jump to Tim.

Tim hears writing in his book and sees that Scher is writing to him. She says thanks so much for helping. She and her companions escaped the cave, picked up some new allies, and found a handy doorway to take them all to a new world. She asks if Tim knows of a place called the Land of Beasts and Birds and when Tim says no, that confirms to her that it’s another realm like the Never After and the Endless Nights. (My guess is it’s the Aesop world since he’s all about animal fables.) She tells them to sit tight and, when she can, she’ll open the doorway to them. Tim messages this info to Ger because he’s the only other real adult in the party and everyone else is dancing.

Pinnochio, specifically, is pole dancing using his nose as a pole.

(Puss: Slay Pinocchio, slay.

Roz: Oh, she’s vogueing.)

Anyway.

Tim then goes to Muffet to talk to her magical spoon which we learn is the one that the Dish ran away with (I wonder if that’s what Brennan always had planned or if he just did it because that’s what they figured was going on and why not?)

The Spoon says that yes, she had a tryst with the Dish but it was a mistake and she doesn’t wanna go into the book. Everything in the rhyme is true, but she doesn’t want that to be her whole story. Again, like I said, this ep gets very meta, and we’re not done.

Pinocchio mentions his time at the Land of Toys (aka Pleasure Island in the Disney version) and when Muffet marvels at how long his story is, he says that the story is basically about growing up and actions having consequences and everything being very black and white. Everyone else starts thinking about their stories and Roz thinks about how she has little agency in her story. Puss thinks he doesn’t have much to do in his story once it ends.

Tim wonders if he can do anything to change their stories–he is a writer with a magic book after all. He writes in the book that Pinnochio is free and able to have fun and the book throws a fit. The ink shakes and shudders and is swallowed into the page. Then it starts raining. Tim tells the rest of them what happened and says maybe this is something he can do in the future, but not yet. Pinnochio is like, thanks but I think this is the path I need to be on right now. After all, it’s where his mom wants him.

Speaking of, Tim wonders if Pinnochio’s stepmom has anything to do with the rain starting up again–defeating Muffet was supposed to stop that.

Roz tries to put her spindle into the book to see what happens and the book accepts it, writing her story as it is in this reality–with 7 fairies. But, like Cinderella, her story is interrupted (though not at Happily Ever After, at falling asleep) and then there are two blank pages and an illustration of the spindle. Strange.

Puss goes to the bar and sees two burly men he doesn’t recognize from freeing the townsfolk. He sees them whispering to each other then going upstairs. He follows them and a lot happens to I’m gonna go to bullets.

He hears two cloaks being put on the bed.

He hears a tearing sound and then the noise of something heavy and almost wet hit the ground.

Then he hears thin hollow voices and the lighting of a match.

It was dark when they walked in and now light is seeping under the door.

A voice asks why the rain came back and the voices (who call this person “mistress”) say that they saw a witch writing in a book and then the words freaked out.

The voice is like “Hmm, curious,” and asks what was being written about. When they say a wooden boy, the voice recognizes that it’s Pinnochio. She says that what happened is “dangerous” and they should stop him from writing more, kill him, and leave the book.

Puss hears a wet noise like something sharp and angular straining against something “slick and horrifying”. Then he hears cloaks being picked up from the bed.

Puss runs like hell and finds Tim. He gets Tim to message him and is like, so funny story, these men want you dead. The message is disseminated amongst the group and they all get into position. Tim goes outside to lead them out and everyone else follows or goes to an upstairs window to get a high vantage point.

As soon as they’re in position, Puss attacks without waiting and misses, but Ger’s ability lets him get another hit in and he aces it with a Nat 20 that causes a full death blow. First of the campaign! As he kills this dude, he realizes that it’s a twig and wood skeleton under a flesh skin. Gross! The plant matter inside these guys is familiar to Roz as the brambles she’s familiar with. So it seems like these guys are some kind of plant constructs and the weird sounds Puss heard were them taking off and putting on their skin suits. Again, gross!

They don’t seem to be human and the rest of the party is able to dispatch the other one in short order. Puss explains what he saw and they go to the room to check it out.

OK, so, this is when the last fourth of this ep kicks in and it turns into a Whole Other Thing. You have been warned.

They go into the room and it is destroyed. The only thing that looks OK is a small table with a silver platter on it. In the silver platter is a small amount of water and a blood red candle burned most of the way down. It’s perfectly centered in the water.

Ger puts the truth sword over the candle and the reflection shows the candle is lit, even though it doesn’t appear to be. Tim’s 20 arcana check tells him that the candle is a spell somehow.

Roz smells petrichor and iron and rot. It smells like the bad fairy–which is interesting because iron is usually fairy bane. Maybe the iron is blood?

Ger blows out the seemingly unlit candle and it lights the torches on the wall. They realize that the candle being lit probably somehow impedes other light sources.

Pinocchio casts Faerie Fire to suss out if anyone invisible is in the room and no one is revealed but the spell lights the candle and casts the room in a shimmery light. Pinocchio has a weird feeling, like one of his strings attaches to the candle.

The candle asks who he wants to speak to–everyone hears this and sees his string by the way. Pinnochio knows that his mom has his strings and wonders if this candle is somehow connected to his mom.

Roz, in a throwaway line that is actually the turning point of the episode, asks if they can talk to PInnochio’s mom. Pinnochio is like, uh OK, yeah. Sure. You guys can meet my mom. And the Roz is swiftly shoved into a closet by Tim so she’s not seen. Which is very funny considering that this was her idea and it goes…

Uh…

Interestingly.

“You watch as something terrible unfolds” Brennan says, which I have to add to the same list as, “I’m about to describe something heartbreaking” from Sophomore Year.

The candle sputters and Pinnochio hears a garbled voice say, “I did not summon you to speak to me.”

Roz and Pinnochio see the face of the bad fairy they both recognize in the candle flame. The door to the hall flies open and Pinnochio sees the silhouette of his mom in the doorway–everyone else sees this for the first time. If feels wrong to see and I’m just gonna quote Brennan because I can’t do these lines justice in summary:

“You are seeing something you absolutely should not see–the face of a divinity you don't worship, the smile of a devil you never believed in.”

AHHHHHHHHH.

Pinnochio is standing in such a way that he’s blocking the fae in the flame from his stepmom in the door and he has to choose if he wants to look at his mom or keep blocking the fae from her. Also, because of the lighting conditions here, it seems like he’ll actually be able to see her and not just her shadow.

He chooses to look at his mom.

As he does, Ger tosses him the truth sword. Light reflects on the sword and fully illuminates the stepmother. As this happens, the room grows strange. It doesn’t feel like they’re in the inn anymore. It’s like they’re in a place out of place.

The wicked fairy sees the stepmother properly, screams HORRIFIED, and does a full Oedipus–no, not that part, the other part. She PLUCKS HER EYES OUT. The candle goes out.

Brennan asks who wants to look at the stepmom after that.

All of the adults are like FUCK NO but the kids–Red and Pinnochio, choose to look.

(Note: Muffet is also there wildly and doesn’t look. Ally: Where has this bitch been in initiative?)

Anyway, both kids have to make a Cha save. They both get the help action.

Red fails with a 6–unsurprising since the AxMurph dice pool has been rolling *garbage* this episode (Murph, repeatedly: This die is RE-TI-RED!)

Pinnnochio passes with a 21.

Red gets three red tokens. Three. Dying gives you one. Looking at this person gives you THREE.

Thanks, hate that!

The stepmom in her full glory is an eldritch abomination made up of shifting visions of malice and spite. Brennan describes her sneer splitting off into a second mouth so she can sneer further over and over almost fractally. Beneath her skin are hundreds of beings crawling–countless stories and people she’s eaten.

Brennan asks whether her mom or grandma is who comes to mind first. Emily, fully knowing she’s about to get hurt, says in Red’s good natured casual tone that Grandma is always on her mind.

She suddenly sees her grandma appear and Pinnochio’s stepmom grabs her, and bites her head and shoulders off, and swallows her. She asks if this is real and Brennan says it feels real in the way that a nightmare feels real. “Grandmother,” she says. “Close enough.”

Pinnochio sees something trying to burst from his mom’s cheek–a woman in a crown–but she licks it back up with her tongue and swallows. First of all, awful. Second of all, giving me Kronos eating his kids vibes. Third of all, is this maybe the queen from Snow White? We know there’s some connection between Pinnochio and/or his mom and this Queen because of the Mirror conversation. Anyway, enough analysis, back to the horrific event already in progress.

The stepmother is furious that Pinnochio called her rather than waiting to be called.

“You don’t open a door to me. I open a door to you. I was not ready to speak with you, impudent boy. Now you have truly outlived your use.”

Everything has been happening in bullet time. Brennan finally asks for a check to catch the thrown sword. Pinnochio gets the help action from Ger and picks Acrobatics as the check.

He rolls a Nat 1.

*AND* a Nat 20.

God, the dice love a story. Y’all.

The stepmother throws the Pinnochi’s strings back on to him and he’s flooded with pain. He grabs the sword–the sword of truth in the hands of the boy known for lying–and he cuts his strings.

Ṙ̶̞̀͑̓̎̏̊̈́͛ě̸͔̟͙͕͕͙͕̱̩̟̩̻̐̉̐̈́͠͠a̴͕̘̭̺̯̮͉̩͙̳͇̰̼͓͌̈́͋͋l̵̡͚̬̞̙͉͕̩̬̘̐͊̈́̇̒̿̌̍̈̓̌̽̃i̵̛̝̓̽̑̽̔͗̆͝t̴͕̠̠̖̲̻̼̜͊y̴̡̮̺̪͍̠̭̫̱̲̖͕̣̠̾̇̉̔͜ ̷̢̤̞̺̙̱̞̝̽̆̆͠Ş̴̡̳̭̱͚͇̗͈̈́̏͗̃͗̈́̓̕͜͠ͅh̸̜̻̫̙̳̘͔̬͔͆̈́̈́̽̌̕͜ǡ̷͔̩̎̽̇̀̚ţ̸͍̮̟̼̘̊͑͗̎͌̈͗͗̏̓̅̽́̎͂͜t̴̘͇̯̳̞̮̓͗̅͆͒́́̾̏̿̑̕̚e̶̢̧̡̖͕̻̟̪̯̭͆̈̿̑̈́̚r̴̡͖͉͍̾̎͛̆̃̍̏͊̽̊s̶̡̨̺̦̰̳̯̠̅́͗͑̈́͗͗̉̽̑̄͛́͘͜.̴̨̳͍̹̪̮̩̦̥̩͉̘͕̣͍̈̏́͋̌̾̇̀

The editing goes insane.

The heroes are freefalling through pages of their stories, all on fire. The stepmother is screaming and chasing after them. It reminds me a lot of Coraline being chased down the hall by the Other Mother.

Pinnochio’s strings are returned to him (which, I am curious about considering he’s a warlock–we’ll see how that goes).

“Worse than death, worse than the end of stories!” the Stepmother howls.

She sucks in, inhaling all the pages in a weirdly Big Bad way, but before she can exhale, a golden door opens from Tim’s book.

A golden rope is lassoed around them, they are pulled into the door, and it shuts. The stepmother is gone.

On the other end of the rope is Scher plus SInbad and his crew.

“What the fuck was that?” Scher asks.

BITCH, GREAT QUESTION.

And we’re gonna have to wait until next episode to start further unpacking this because I’m barely getting it in under the wire.

In conclusion, AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #never after #never after spoilers #spoilers #twice upon a time #d20 #this isn't 100% edited for typos and such bc I am in class and getting this out there before tmrw's ep #but I think it's alright and I'll edit it properly tmrw if a have a chance!#God how wild is this ep y'all?#inSANE #that last 25 mins made me crazy

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supercantaloupe · 4 years ago

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on Aelwyn Abernant, the Reformed Villain Squad, and redeeming teenage antagonists

an analysis on antagonist character development in Fantasy High. spoilers through sophomore year and (mildly so) the most recent roll20 oneshot. essay under the cut bc i am very long winded

the turnaround with Aelwyn in s2 is handled so well i cant get over it. she was such a major antagonist in the first season and just. despicable. she had no pathos. we hated this bitchy older sister who tried to kill Adaine and her friends and raise an evil dragon, and when she gets knocked on her ass and thrown in jail, we cheer.

and then s2 fucking starts saying “hey she’s in jail still if you’d like to look into that” and pursuing that thread ends up being almost as comedic an idea as it is a reluctant one; it’s also quickly shunted to the background as soon as more pressing leads present themselves, to the point where we almost forget about her until Adaine is kidnapped and then the first time you see her it’s just. viscerally upsetting.

she’s bad. she did evil. she got what she deserved.

but she already got what she deserved. last season.

she got her ass handed to her by a bunch of 14 year olds including her little sister (how embarrassing!). her plans were thwarted. she got punched in the face and made fun of. she already got her punishment.

it just……immediately registers as over-the-top Wrong to be told “hey, remember that antagonist you beat last season? she’s still being punished for that, except it’s way worse than just going to mumple.”

and there’s that reminder that like…this is a teenager. a child. who has been manipulated and abused. which is a really fascinating look at this character we used to see pretty much unilaterally as a one dimensional bitchy villain.

i mean we got a more in depth look at Penelope’s and Biz’s motivations in s1 (Penelope being the popular rich girl sorceress obviously hungry for power and the alllure of the high school clout that is being prom queen, but also we know that her having to turn on her best friend Sam Nightingale as part of the scheme was something she was reluctant and not happy to do; and Biz being that predatory incel creeper type dude besides just a nerd with computers and a lack of social graces). and they were as much willingly active in the plot as Aelwyn was. yet in s1 they really never do bother to explore Aelwyn’s motivations. i remember after watching s1 but before s2 that was one of my biggest lingering questions: why tf was Aelwyn involved?

well. she was manipulated and abused. her terrible parents raised her in an awful environment that conditioned her to Listen and Obey and Behave and Be Perfect, and then Kalina helped cinch the noose around her neck with threats and coersion into the KVS Kaper and the NMK crown debacle. she doesn’t freely choose any of it; she’s coerced, manipulated, abused.

and she already got justifiably punished for her bad actions in s1. the torture is almost literal overkill. it’s just……there’s this immediate turnaround in sympathy and view of the character. on first watch, it’s viscerally upsetting to see her getting so brutally punished for actions she already faced consequences for, and on rewatch, it makes your skin crawl to know she’s being tortured for terrible things she had little choice in carrying out. and tortured by some of the very same people who coerced her to behave terribly in the first place, to add insult to injury.

and it’s still fucking frustrating when they rescue her and her memory gets reset and she goes back to her parents because it’s like “well shit, she’s evil again, and we just wasted all that effort for nothing” but it’s also sad cause we know she’s running back to her abusers and she isn’t happy about it but doesn’t feel like she has a choice. and it’s sadder still that what eventually inevitably gets her to turn to good for good (i.e. away from her parents) is just. a full dissociative mental breakdown.

(but then she survives and it’s gonna be good!!! until Adaine dies in her fucking arms. which is. almost funny. she’s been through so much shit and that isn’t something that Brennan would have just. preplanned. like a written in plot point. no, that was just an unpredictable consequence of the battle. what a juicy fucking moment. she’s been through All That Shit™️ and has finally turned to fight for good and her sister just fully dies in front of her. yeowch)

and she turns out okay in the end. she comes out the other side alive and whole and supported by her sister and her friends, with the hope of a future and recovery. there is an acknowledgement that A) she can and will grow from her mistakes and damage, B) it’s going to be really hard, and C) the post-s2 one shots both prove that she’s doing okay now. hell, she has a whole squad now of other former-teenage-villains-turned-good-guys. she has friends now, Ragh and Zayn, with common ground, and a secret handshake and everything. they’ve all grown from the mistakes of their past into better, happier, healthier people

and about Zayn and Ragh. we’ve seen a lot of characters, protagonist and antagonist, teenage and adult, PC and NPC do some really fucked up shit and get punished for it. but why do they get happy endings? why are Aelwyn, Ragh, and Zayn the only members of the RVS and not someone else like Biz or Penelope or Dayne?

well, the latter two are dead by then; but then again, Biz and Ragh were also killed by the Bad Kids in s1, and subsequently resurrected. (Zayn died too, but was neither killed nor revived at the Bad Kids’ hands, so i’ll get to him in a sec.) and there are plenty of adult antagonists the Bad Kids face who are killed and left that way by the Bad Kids without second thought: Johnny Spells, Coach Daybreak, Captain Wicklaw, the Abernant parents (presuming Arianwen doesn’t survive in the forest for very long, which i doubt). why do some characters get second chances while others don’t?

in the case of Zayn, his death was pretty much out of the Bad Kids’ hands, and they later found out he was manipulated by Daybreak into being bad anyway because of his sad living situation. he was a pretty minor antagonist in the scheme of things, and when we re-meet him as a ghost in the s1 epilogue, he’s pretty obviously remorseful for his actions. and dying seems like a steep enough punishment to me for the shit he did to contribute to the KVX caper; returning as a ghost, free from the trappings of his unfortunate living life, he now has the room and freedom to grow into a better person.

in the cases of Daybreak, Spells, Wicklaw, and the Abernant parents: these are bad people who should know better. these are fully grown adults who actively choose to do evil. whether they think it’s the right thing to do or not (in Daybreak’s case), whether they think it will benefit them and don’t care about anyone else (in the Abernants’ case), or whether they don’t care much at all and are just doing shit because they feel like it (in the cases of Spells and Wicklaw), these are all adults who consciously make the decision to do terrible things and hurt other people. of course Johnny Spells, who is generally a punk thief and thug, is not on the same level of bad as Angwyn, who kidnaps and tortures his own daughters for political gain, but the point remains. these fuckers should know better. they’re grown ups. they had their chances to be good and they chose not to heed them. their minds are set on bad actions and they are a continued danger to other people as long as they are alive. when they die, the Bad Kids do their damndest to make sure it stays that way.

now, in the cases of Penelope and Dayne: these are teenagers who actively chose to participate in an evil plot. Penelope, Dayne, and Biz were all fully cognizant of what they were doing trying to raise KVX back to his former power. why? well, to some extent, we can only speculate. i suspect Penelope was just one of those Regina George bitches who is rich and popular and powerful and obsessed with power and popularity within high school as if that’s the end-all-be-all of existence (which, like, when you’re currently in high school, is a somewhat understandable worldview i think). Dayne being her boyfriend and a musclehead jock probably falls into a similar line of thinking. they are actively and willingly trying to cause harm, and teenager or not, must be stopped. they’re killed, anyway, during the Climactic Battle™️ anyhow; it’s not like the Bad Kids were going to gain anything at that point by keeping them alive.

now, Biz: Biz is the creepy Nice Guy incel type, sees woman as a prize he deserves to win, yadda yadda. he does, like Penelope and Dayne, actively choose to help KVX. there might be something to be said about his motivation the Bad Kids discover after the arcade battle by detecting his thoughts (that being to upload the captured maidens from the palimpsests to “call the shots” himself) is an altered memory; whether this was his original motivation from the start or not, i’m not sure. but the Bad Kids do kill him – and then resurrect him for important, time-sensitive information. and they beat it out of him – he gets two of his fucking fingers blown off. and Riz reattaches them once they have their info, and they realize his memory is altered. of course, the Bad Kids don’t know at this point that the altered memory was something he, Penelope, and Aelwyn had planned and agreed on and done to themselves, but this points to something important in my opinion: the Bad Kids, and the narrative/show as a whole by extension, acknowledge that external manipulation affects how guilty someone is in a crime.

which brings us to Ragh. Ragh, introduced from episode 1 as the meathead jock. Ragh the archetypical one-dimensional high school bully. Ragh who works with the harvestmen in effort to (ostensibly) end the world/provoke international war. Ragh, whose low intelligence but high loyalty and internalized homophobia led him to be fully swayed and blindly led by his coach and captain, who have actively chosen to do evil. Ragh who is killed in combat by the Bad Kids and resurrected for information, not Daybreak. Ragh, who the Bad Kids realize was probably not aware of exactly what he was being made to do and how bad it really was. Ragh, who by their kindness in sparing his life and directing him on a better path, becomes a well-rounded character and an active ally to the Bad Kids during and after prom, an invaluable companion during their quest in sophomore year, and overall a really good friend and person.

(it might also be worth considering the case of Jawbone here, too, who started out a very minor antagonist in a fight but ended up becoming a major NPC because the Bad Kids talked to him, found out he came from an unfortunate situation and set of circumstances, and showed him kindness in offering the school guidance counselor position, a kindness that isn’t really owed but given anyway and ends up changing his entire life for good.)

and then, Aelwyn, whose case is already discussed above. so, why is the RVS what it is, why them but not others?

if you’re familiar with Avatar: the Last Airbender, you’re probably familiar with Zuko’s character arc, and how it’s often lauded as a masterful example of developing a villain into a hero over the course of a narrative. what makes Zuko’s arc so well done and exceptional is that he starts out as a kid in a bad situation under the influence of bad adults seeking to do bad deeds, but he later realizes the error of those ways, actively removes himself from that situation despite the difficulty and danger in doing so, goes through a lot of shit and reflects on his past mistakes and learns from them, and then actively chooses to fight for good in the end with the help of close, trusted friends, found family.

this, i believe, is the same in the case of Fantasy High and its treatment of the RVS. its members, like Zuko, are all teenagers who came from shitty situations and were manipulated by evil adults to do bad. they are punished for their bad actions, and they learn from their errors and mistakes. with the kindness and help of good people, friends and chosen family, they are able to escape their abusers and bad situations and grow into their own people. and they actively choose to improve themselves with that help and fight for good.

Fantasy High, through the arcs of Jawbone, Zayn, Ragh, and especially Aelwyn, asserts that it is not your fault if you come from a bad situation and are forced to behave badly as a result. it does not pretend that you are absolved of any responsibility for those actions; quite the opposite, as even though they were externally manipulated into their evil actions, all of those mentioned characters face tangible consequences for their actions and later express remorse for their mistakes. but Fantasy High also asserts that even if you have made great mistakes in your past, even if you came from a bad situation beyond your control, even if you were manipulated and abused, with care and love and support and a hell of a lot of work and effort, you can improve your situation and find good, happiness, peace, you can thrive. evil adults who should know better don’t get redeemed. teenagers who aren’t coerced but actively choose evil don’t get redeemed. but abused kids deserve another shot at happiness. with enough work, and some love and help along the way, they can get there, even from the lowest imaginable point, from rock fucking buttom. it’s possible.

#fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 live #dimension 20 #fantasy high sophomore year #fantasy high freshman year #d20 #dimension 20 live spoilers #brennan lee mulligan #aelwyn abernant #zayn darkshadow #ragh barkrock #sasha reviews #hello tumblr. tonight i bring you a 2.3k word essay. tomorrow? who knows #i'll just throw myself into the nearest river if this doesn't show up in the tags this is fine #this one's for y'all in my notes i see u and i love u here's some content #the first half of this is mostly copy pasted from my discord ramblings #i didnt intend for this to be as long as it got but yknow. i never do and it always is #so thats why the first part of this is written differently from the rest of it lol

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let-it-raines · 5 years ago

Text

What a Wicked Game {15/15}

Killian met her in a pub on a rainy night in March. Going inside was only supposed to be a way for him to avoid the rain and fight off the demons in his head. It was a place for him to pass through, not stay. But then he was charmed by a blonde woman with a quick wit who had absolutely no interest in him or who he was.

That was a first. It was also the beginning of Emma Nolan helping to bring him back to life. It was the beginning of everything.

Five years later, with their worlds crumbling around them, Killian can’t help but wonder if this is the end of the peace they have known now that his family knows about his relationship. It wouldn’t be a problem if his father wasn’t the King of England.

rating: mature

a/n: thank you to @captainswanbigbang for running this event and letting me write this story, to @resident-of-storybrooke for plotting and listening to me talk and for reading this, like, four times while never complaining, to @captainsjedi for making all of the incredible art for it and writing the sweetest tags, and to @wellhellotragic for finding the original story over on ao3 years ago and supporting me then and still supporting me now ❤️

ao3: beginning | current

tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15

-/-

February 2021

His heart is in his throat.

It’s been that way for several hours now, and at some point, Killian should probably get that checked out by a medical professional who can assure him that he’s not going to die and that his heart will return to his chest and beat at a normal rate again.

He is in a hospital, after all, so there’s likely someone who can help him out.

“Killian, you have to stop clenching your fist.”

“I’m not clenching my fist.”

“Literally, look down at your hand.”

Killian blinks before looking down at his hands. His right is tangled with Emma’s, his grip stronger than it should be, while his left is, indeed, balled into a fist on her mattress.

Oh.

Sighing, Killian unclenches his first before loosening his grip on Emma and leaning forward to press his lips against her knuckles. “I’m sorry, love. I - fuck. I really don’t mean to be so dramatic, but you fainted out of nowhere just as we were about to leave to go home, and I’m terrified that something awful is wrong with you.”

Emma’s hand pushes into his hair, scratching at his scalp, and he shouldn’t be the one who is being comforted right now. He should be comforting Emma. She’s the one who is in a hospital bed waiting on the results of all of the tests they ran on her, and while he knows she likely had low blood sugar and a lack of sleep from the hectic schedule of their tour, he cannot help but think of all of the horrendous things that could be wrong with his wife.

He loves her in sickness and in health, always, but God, he hopes she’s alright. He can’t live without her, which is so damn selfish to think, but this is where they are now.

(And he can be selfish when it comes to wanting Emma to be alright.)

It’s nothing. It has to be nothing.

“I’m fine,” Emma promises, but he knows she doesn’t actually know, not yet. “It’s been a crazy week with no sleep, and I skipped meals, which was stupid. It’s probably low blood sugar or exhaustion or something else I can fix when we get home and have some time off.”

“But you don’t know that.”

“I mean, I could be dying, but I didn’t think that’s what you wanted me to say.”

“Swan - ”

Emma huffs and rolls her eyes at him. “I’m fine until the doctor says otherwise because I pretty much refuse for something to be wrong with me.”

Killian nods and leans down to press his lips against her knuckles once more. He understands. He refuses for something to be wrong with her too. They’ve already spent too much time in their lives with Emma in a hospital, and he doesn’t want to keep doing this.

“Good afternoon, Your Highnesses,” Dr. Roberts sing-songs as she walks back into the room. He has no idea if this woman is always this peppy or if maybe this is her way of saying there’s nothing wrong with Emma before she actually says it. If there is something wrong, Dr. Roberts really has to work on how she speaks. “So, I have some good news.”

Killian perks up, while Emma stays sitting as she was, her thumb rubbing over his knuckles. “What is it?”

“Well, you’re fine,” Dr. Roberts continues, her smile bright as ever, “and so is your baby.”

“Oh thank God,” Killian sighs, leaning forward again. He’d truly convinced himself that something awful was wrong, but Emma is fine. She’s fine.

“I’m sorry,” Emma mumbles, “did you just say I’m pregnant?”

What?

“I did.”

Pregnant.

“I cannot be pregnant.”

Emma is pregnant.

How did he not hear that part?

“You are most definitely pregnant, Your Highness.”

How is Emma pregnant?

“You just told me I apparently have a baby in my uterus. You can call me Emma.”

Is he going to be a dad? Is Emma going to be a mum?

Killian’s head shoots up from where it’s buried against Emma’s hand to quickly look at her and her slack-jawed expression before looking at Dr. Roberts.

The doctor nods before looking between the two of them, and Killian stops staring a hole into her eyes to turn to look back at his wife who is apparently carrying their child. He feels like the biggest asshole in the world because he can’t seem to form coherent thoughts and should probably be having some kind of poetic thought about what this is going to mean to him, to the both of them.

Killian may be a little shocked.

The fact that Emma is too makes him feel a hell of a lot better.

“Emma,” Dr. Roberts sighs, “I think I’ll give the two of you some time to yourselves to talk since I seem to have shared some rather big news. Just know that both you and your baby are fine, but you need to make sure that you’re not overexerting yourself. You fainted because of a lack of sleep, proper nutrition, and your pregnancy.”

“Thank you,” Killian manages to mutter out while his thumb caresses Emma’s knuckles and Dr. Roberts walks out of the room. The moment the door closes, Killian leans down to kiss Emma’s hand before looking up at her. “Penny for your thoughts, love.”

“I’m really scared that my feet are going to get bigger.”

Killian barks out a laugh and rises from his chair in order to get closer to Emma, dipping his head down and kissing her because he can’t think of a single reason why he shouldn’t be kissing her at every available moment.

Especially now.

Especially always.

“I believe that means you’ll simply have to get new shoes. I think that can be arranged.”

“Never did I think there would be a day where you were encouraging me to get more shoes.”

“Well, you do have to throw out the old ones, of course.”

Emma’s chuckle is small, but it’s there, and Killian rests his forehead against hers while Emma’s hand comes to rest in his hair, toying with the little strands at the nape of his neck.

God, that feels good.

They’re having a baby.

“Killian,” she whispers, “how am I pregnant?”

“I don’t think I really need to explain the concept of sex to you.”

“Shut up.”

“No, I’m serious. When we are having sex, or making love if that’s your preferred term, and I reach my - ”

“You’re being an ass.”

“Wrong part of the body.”

“Ten years from now, when we think back on the moment I found out I was pregnant, this is what you’re going to have to remember.”

Emma is pregnant.

They’re going to be parents.

Bloody hell.

“I love you, darling,” he whispers, pulling back from her so that he can tuck her hair behind her ears and see the beautiful green of her eyes. They’re wet with tears, and he imagines his are too. “And I don’t know how this happened. I assume...I don’t know. I don’t know how this happened, but I do know that I’m happy. Are you happy?”

Emma nods while tugging on her bottom lip. “I’m happy, but I’m scared. I mean, we’ve talked about wanting kids, but talking about it and actually knowing that I’m pregnant is - ”

“Nerve-wracking.”

“Pretty much,” she laughs. “I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby. I don’t think we know how to have a baby.”

“I imagine we’ll figure it out.”

“I guess we will.”

-/-

Killian is flooded with joy for the first week of them knowing Emma is pregnant. She’s only eight weeks along now, so they haven’t told a soul yet, but he’s itching to, if only because he desperately needs to talk to someone about it.

Someone who isn’t Emma because right now, he’s feeling like a piece of worthless scum on the sidewalk for some of the thoughts he’s having.

There are so many damn emotions that come with Killian knowing Emma is pregnant - happiness, elation, joy, terror, anxiousness, excitement - and as much as he fluctuates between all of them, there’s only one that creeps into the forefront of his mind in the middle of the night after a day wandering around knowing that their lives are going to keep changing every single day.

Uncertainty.

And it’s rubbish because he’s not even sure if uncertainty is an emotion, but it’s also rubbish because he’s feeling uncertain not because he doesn’t want this baby, but because he’s terrified that he won’t be a good father to their child.

Killian has a piss poor excuse for a father, and as much as David has filled in for that role, it’s not the same as having a good example for his entire life and seeing year-by-year proof that children can grow up to love their dads and not resent them or be hesitant to even be in the same room as them at family gatherings. He doesn’t love his dad, and he hates that he’s consumed by that. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times in his life, and all Killian feels some days is that he’s already a failure.

(It’s been a week. How is he already screwing up after a week?)

If he didn’t know that Emma is going to be the most incredible mum on the planet and make up for all of his shortcomings, he’d be fully convinced that he couldn’t do this and that fatherhood simply wasn’t for him.

Which is utter bullshit. He’s been in love with Emma for nearly a decade, has known he’s wanted to have children with her for most of that time, and Brennan should not still be able to take up so much space in Killian’s head.

Not anymore.

He’s fighting those demons and dealing with them in his counseling and every time he has to deal with his father, and Killian is determined not to let him taint this.

He can’t.

Not when the woman in bed next to him might as well be an angel sent to him from above, and not when the almost invisible curve of her stomach resting underneath his hand can be felt. They weren’t prepared for this. It wasn’t planned, and it’s apparently the result of the two of them thinking that the month of December was some kind of sex parade where birth control was sometimes optional.

(Emma found where she had skipped birth control pills after they got home, and he thinks she stared at the package for an hour at the very least.)

They were so stupid.

But he doesn’t regret it. Killian can’t. If they’d waited and tried some time from now, the baby growing in Emma wouldn’t be this baby. It would be a wonderful baby he and Emma both love with everything in them, but it wouldn’t be the same. Maybe next time, if they’re lucky enough, the pregnancy will be a result of months of careful love-making and a pointed attempt at trying, but to him, it doesn’t matter.

He’s scared out of his mind about being a dad, doesn’t know how he’s going to do it, but he wouldn’t change a thing. Not when he has Emma.

“You’re thinking too much,” Emma mumbles, twisting in the bed.

He lays his hand flat over her stomach. “You’re talking in your sleep.”

“I’m awake. Your thoughts were so loud.”

“If you can hear my thoughts, I feel like you need to explain quite a few of the fights we’ve had.”

“Don’t wanna,” Emma mumbles sleepily. Killian huffs into her hair before twisting around her and allowing her to stick her freezing cold feet between his calves while his lips brush over her cheek. His hand flexes over her stomach again, feeling the proof of a decade of love and heartbreak and everything in between. “You’re a good baby daddy.”

(He rather despises that term, and Emma seems fit to call him that this week. Hopefully that will die down, but he really can’t complain when Emma has just become fraught with morning sickness as of yesterday.)

“Am I?” he whispers into her hair, trying not to laugh. She’s not going to remember any of this in the morning. She has a habit of waking in the middle of the night, having a conversation, and then forgetting about it the next morning.

“Mhm. You’re sweet, and you’re also really hot. I like that about you.”

“Oh, well, I’m glad I can be of service for you in that way.”

Her breathing starts to even out after that, slowly returning to how it was, and Killian keeps moving his hand over the small, almost swell of her stomach, something that he knows is a comfort to both of them already.

“Killian?”

“Yes, love?” he whispers so quietly the ceiling fan drowns out the noise of his voice.

“You’re going to be a good dad.”

And even though she’s mostly asleep when she says it, Killian knows that Emma thinks that. She has so much faith in him even when she shouldn’t, and her words settle the beating of his heart and the worry running circles in his mind.

It’s not everything, but it’s a start.

(And technically, Emma having faith in him is everything.

It’s all he’s ever wanted and far more than he deserves.

But he’s glad for it.)

-/-

“What the hell are you wearing?”

“What? You don’t like it?”

“It’s rather beige.”

Emma huffs and tugs at her bra, pulling it out and gathering all of the excess fabric there. “My mom thought it would be appropriate to buy me nursing bras, but this isn’t even close to my size. Like, I understand I’m going to balloon up in every way imaginable, but this is gigantic.”

“We told your parents about the baby two days ago. How has your mom already sent you new bras?”

“Express shipping, babe.”

Killian laughs and walks toward her. She’s standing in front of the bathroom mirror in nothing but her knickers and this massive bra that he can’t ever imagine Emma properly fitting into. Apparently, she can’t imagine it either. It hangs far off her back and over her breasts, and if she lets it go from her grasp, it falls to expose her nipples.

She looks ridiculous.

But also rather lovely, and when she turns around to face him, bottom lip jutted out in a pout, he steps up to her and places his hands on her hips, fingers inching up over her sides. “This is the sexiest you have ever looked.”

“Shut up,” she laughs, slapping his stomach.

“What? Can I not talk about it? This bra is so much better than everything you have in your closet.”

“You’re being dumb.”

“Oh, always.”

He leans into her and brushes his scruff against her neck, knowing that it tickles her, before doing the same with his fingers against her sides. Emma is squirming away from him, or, at least, trying to, but he doesn’t let her, backing her up against the counter as he keeps moving against her while she gasps for breath and laughs.

In between calling him an asshole, of course. That’s her favorite name for him.

“K-killian,” she gasps, leaning away from him as he kisses her neck and moves to kiss her jaw. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“In an hour.”

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”

“Aye,” he promises before kissing the corner of her lips until she’s turning to him so she can move her mouth over his, soft and slow and absolutely perfectly. As always. “But I think I might have some time to spend with you first.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm.”

“Can I take this damn bra off?”

“That was kind of the plan.”

-/-

They’re having a boy.

Killian was convinced that they were going to have a girl, as was Emma, and while it’s definitely a shock despite the equal odds, it doesn’t change anything about their excitement level or any of their plans going forward.

They’re having a boy.

And they can’t decide on a name. Everything in his head and on the list on the refrigerator were decidedly more feminine names, and while David, Liam, and Graham all cheekily suggest that their son should be named after one of them, Killian isn’t too sure about that.

(Ruby says their son can and should be named Ruby because she simply cannot wait until they have a girl for her to have a kid named after her.

When Emma suggests she have her own kid - “pregnancy is a bitch,” Emma mumbles - Ruby raises her hands in defeat and says they should name the kid whatever they want.)

It’s not that simple.

For as much as he and Emma push back on the traditions of his family and some of the inane rituals, they do want the name to fit. However, they want it to fit both them as a couple and his family. It’s a mixing of lifestyles and opinions, and the debates seem to rage on and on. Killian’s mum tells him she’s happy with whatever name they choose because it’s their family, Killian’s father makes a rare comment just to tell them how much he’s still pissed over Emma saying she won’t pose for photographs the day after giving birth, and Emma can’t seem to decide on anything.

(Except that she’s still not going to pose for photographs and expose their child to the wildness of the press after twenty-four hours of life, and he supports her wholeheartedly.

The press has tried to ruin them time and time again, emotionally and physically, and Killian will not stand for it for his wife or their child.)

Killian has his preferences, but he’s trying to narrow down her choices on the massive list that seems to keep growing and growing each day.

The name debate wages on as the weeks pass by and Emma’s stomach continues to grow. Killian never spent a lot of time imagining what this period in his life would be like, but overall, it’s mostly the same as he expected it would be. At least for him. Emma has gone through highs and extreme lows as her hormones attack her and change her body, and all he could do was support her and rub her back when she was vomiting.

And make every food that she wants, no questions asked. Though, surprisingly, her cravings are not at all what movies make them out to be. They do follow along with a lot that he’s read in the books and articles he’s consuming.

“There is literally no reason to read ten different books on the same thing,” Emma mumbles as she pulls her up into a bun. “That’s got to be information overload.”

“It’s varying opinions, love,” he insists, taking another note and sticking it to the page in his book. “I want to know as much as I can so I’m not caught unaware, and I needed a break from looking at cabinet handles for the new house.”

“Babe, you’re going to be caught unaware. It’s going to happen. Not even you can completely prepare for this.”

“Aye, but I can try.”

And he does try. He tries as he reads his books and looks at articles online so that he can at least be the tiniest bit more prepared than he would be. Emma reads books as well and is always looking to see his notes and what he knows, but she’s definitely the more relaxed of the two of them.

At least he thinks that.

She’s six and a half months pregnant and in a wonderful phase of constantly wanting him no matter what they’re doing when he realizes that Emma doesn’t like to constantly talk about the baby because it is all anyone talks to her about. When she does engagements, it’s what people mention. When they go out to dinner, even the servers mention their impending parenthood. When Emma talks on the phone with his mother, Allison is constantly talking about gifts for the baby and plans and asking if Emma has looked into some of the classes Allison suggested. Everyone means well and simply wants to share in their excitement, but their life isn’t all about this baby.

Their life is greatly enhanced by him and will change because of him, but at the core of it all, they’re still Emma and Killian who have been having conversations for nearly a decade about things other than a baby.

And Emma is still Emma, and she wants people to ask her how she is or what books she’s read lately or any conversation that would have been had before she was pregnant.

Late at night, though, when they’re lounging in bed with his hand on her stomach and his chest pressed into her back, sometimes she likes to whisper her thoughts and her fears, all of the hopes that she has for this future that keeps getting nearer and nearer to them.

The road to getting here was full of sharp wrong turns and dark corners full of heartbreak, and while they may have gotten a little lost along the way, they’re here now. That’s absolutely all that matters.

It always has been.

“Babe,” Emma calls out on a sunny day in June. They’ve been home all day, neither of them changing out of their pajamas, and he imagines from the look of it, Emma hasn’t combed through her hair. To be fair, he hasn’t either. “Do you know where the peanut butter is?”

“We had that entire box shipped here for you. It should be in the cupboard.”

“I don’t see it.”

“Have you checked the bottom shelf?”

“Yes.”

“Did you really?”

“I’m going to slap you.”

Killian sighs and puts down the letters he was responding to in order to get up and walk toward Emma and the cupboard. When he steps inside the room, he immediately goes in search of the box of jars of peanut butter he ordered for Emma only for it not to be there.

“Fuck,” he mutters.

“That’s kind of an extreme reaction to not being able to find the peanut butter.”

“How did we lose an entire box of peanut butter?”

“It can’t be lost. It has to be misplaced.”

“Lost, misplaced. Whatever, love.”

He squats down to look over all of the bottom shelves before scanning each and every other one, shifting around containers and boxes and every other insane organizational tool he decided to buy when he wanted this room to be contained and not a mess.

Except he can’t seem to find anything.

Mostly this damn peanut butter.

“You know what,” Emma sighs, “it’s fine. I’ll eat something else.”

“Darling, I will find it.”

“It’s fine.”

“I’ll find it.”

“Killian,” Emma huffs, tugging on his wrist until he turns around to look at her, “it’s fine. We have those smoothies I like in the fridge. I’ll drink one of those instead.”

“Are you certain?”

“Absolutely.” She tugs on his wrists again until she’s pulling him out of the room and back into their kitchen. “It wasn’t important.”

“I simply don’t understand where the peanut butter could have gone. I mean, I suppose it could have been moved, but I - ”

Emma loops her arms around his neck and presses up on her toes until she’s gently sliding her lips over his in a slow kiss that has his heartbeat quickening and gooseflesh rising over his skin.

“Stop worrying about it,” she murmurs as they sway back and forth with her stomach pressed tightly against his. “I don’t want a repeat of the blueberry muffin incident.”

“Dammit, don’t - ”

She kisses him again, insistently pressing her lips into his, and Killian presses back, pecking her lips once before doing it again and again and again. He kisses her fleetingly all the while continuing to sway the both of them. The wood is cold against his bare feet, so he’s sure Emma’s feet are literal icicles, but he’s not focusing on that as Emma begins to laugh, a small melodic sound that carries with the music that’s playing over the speaker on his phone from where he was listening to it when he was working.

But the laugh grows louder as Killian’s mouth moves away from hers and more toward the corner of her lips so that his scruff brushes against her skin, tickling her in the same way that his fingers are scratching against her sides and over the edges of her belly.

“You’re the only one I want to make laugh, truly.”

Emma’s laugh quiets at those words until she’s tightening her arms around his neck and nuzzling her face into his neck. There’s a sharp inhale of her breathing him in, and Killian kisses the top of her hair.

“You’re a romantic, my love,” she whispers.

“That’s what I strive to be.”

“I know. It’s why you practice all of those lines in the mirror.”

Killian scoffs. “I do not do that.”

“If anyone asks, it’s your word against mine, and well…”

She lets the words trail off, obviously waiting for him to fill in the blanks and continue their banter, but he doesn’t. He can’t, because the song is changing, and it’s been ages since he danced with her in the privacy of their home. Everything lately has been in suits and dresses with Emma’s heels making her nearly his height, but it hasn’t been the two of them in pajamas with messy hair and the ghost of missing peanut butter cascading over them.

So he keeps moving them, a gentle sway that turns into more, and they traverse the space in the kitchen, their feet quickly moving as Killian whispers in Emma’s ear words of affection that flow from his heart. It’s moments and times like these in the sanctity of their kitchen when it’s just the two of them and no one and nothing else that he thinks of how grateful he is that they fought for their love and won. Nothing about this was ever guaranteed or predestined, but they figured it out.

“I love you.”

Emma hums. “I love you, too.”

She pulls her head back until he can see her eyes, the beautiful glint of blue wrapped up in the green, and her smile is so bright that he can’t imagine not kissing her. He can’t imagine not kissing her as often as he’s able and not kissing her every day on a multitude of occasions. So he does.

And he hopes not to ever stop having that desire.

He won’t.

Emma is his wife and the mother of his child, of this one between them now and any ones in the future, but most of all, he thinks, she’ll always be his closest companion.

His best friend.

“Hey,” Emma whispers after they’ve been silently dancing for at least two songs.

“Yeah, love?”

“I think I’ve finally decided what name I want for the baby.”

Killian chuckles and tilts his head to the side to press his lips into her hair once more, inhaling the scent of her shampoo and everything that he’s grown accustomed to over the years. “And what’s that then?”

-/-

Their son is born on September twenty-third, a few days after Killian’s thirty-second birthday.

They name him Andrew Killian Phillip Jones.

He always goes by Andy.

-/-

Any of my Second in Command (the original version of this story) will recognize Andy. He was, like, star of the show for that crazy long epilogue/sequel I wrote, and I really wanted to include him here. The main reason, though, was to show that even though some parts of Emma and Killian’s story changed, that they went through more of a wild ride this go round, that they still get to have the same happy ending...wait, I think I have to say “happy beginning” here 😉

Thank you all for the INCREDIBLE support! I hope you enjoyed this story!

@mrtinski @klynn-stormz @jonirobinson64 @snowbellewells @therealstartraveller776 @thejollyroger-writer @sherifemma @shardminds @captainsjedi @galaxyzxstark @galadriel26 @idristardis @karenfrommisthaven @teamhook @spartanguard @searchingwardrobes @itsfabianadocarmo @owlways-and-forever @jamif @shireness-says @ultimiflos @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @onepunintendid @bluewildcatfanatic @397bartonstreet @killianswannn @carpedzem @captainkillianswanjones @mayquita @jennjenn615 @onceuponaprincessworld @a-faekindagirl @scientificapricot @scarletslippers @xellewoods @ultraluckycatnd @stahlop @kmomof4 @tiganasummertree @singersdd @tornadoamy @captainswanbigbang

#what a wicked game #cs fic #cs ff #cs fanfic #captain swan fic #captain swan ff #captain swan fanfic #csrt #captain swan #captain swan rewrite a thon

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txladyj-blog · 5 years ago

Text

This Time Around - Chapter 24

A Daryl Dixon x OFC collaboration written by @xmistressmistrustx by request of @txladyj-blog

Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character

Tags: Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Awkwardness, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Crush, Fluff and Humor, Angst and Humor, Mild Smut, Strong Language, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, Some Canon Scenes and Dialogue

Chapters 27/?

The next morning was fraught with tension and sorrow. Most of the guards were killed and as a result, people began to step up, offering their help where they could as the cleanup effort began. A truck was being filled with the bodies of the enemy group, while the fallen Alexandrian’s were all gathered near the graveyard to be given funerals. Deanna was the first to spot Jess when she was let through the gate and she immediately ceased her conversation with Rick and ran to her with her arms wide open.

“Oh, Jess! You’re alright” She gasped as she drew her into a warm hug. Not one for hugging everyone anymore, especially after such a harrowing attack, Jess swallowed hard and made an exception, lifting her arms and allowing Deanna to hold her in an embrace. “The others, they said they saw you run out last night.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t stay and help, I just needed to get out of here. I was attacked-” She tried to reason.

“-We know.” Rick interrupted as he walked over with his hands on his hips. “Daryl told us.”

“W-what did Daryl tell you exactly?” She asked hesitantly, all the while hoping that Daryl had left out some significant details that would only add to her humiliation.

“He said he walked into Aaron and Eric’s place because the door was wide open and saw two of them trying to kill you. Said you took a beating but you were putting up a pretty good fight.” He explained.

Jess relaxed somewhat, her shoulders loosening and her defenses lowering. He hadn’t told them everything and had the consideration to omit the things which he knew she would find horrifying if everyone else knew. She owed him for that, the thought of the entire town knowing what she'd been subjected to was not something she could entertain without feeling physically sick.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Jess questioned. It was as good an idea as any to steer the focus away from what happened in the house the night before. Behind Rick. in the distance, she could see Daryl leaving the Grime’s home with Carl in tow.

“It’s all hands-on deck, whatever you can do. But first, I want you to go and get checked out by Denise.” Deanna instructed

“I will. But it can wait a couple hours” Jess mused “There was a woman, a blonde woman. By the wall over there”, She motioned to the dark corner where she’d left the bloodied woman that she’d tried to save “Where is she now?”

Deanna took hold of Jess's hand and looked right at her. From her peripheral vision, Jess detected Carl and Daryl now within earshot.

“I saw what you did. I was at the window, checking there were no other children running around that I could bring inside. That was brave, Jess. Your courage and humanity shown towards Mrs. Brennan was admirable.”

“It was nothing” Jess muttered as she very deliberately broke away from Deanna and headed to Carl.

“She’s with the others, in the church grounds.” Deanna called out to her.

Carl’s face lit up when Jess wound her way around Rick and Deanna and broke into a jog, slamming into him and hugging him fiercely. Carl was only a kid and therefore a lot less triggering to her than physical contact from adults. She was delighted to see him, aware of the devastation that would follow losing Carl not only for Rick and the community, but for her also. Daryl continued to walk, meeting Rick and Deanna and joining them in observing Jess with Carl.

“Oh god, I’m glad you’re in one piece, kid.” Jess sighed into the side of the teenager’s head. He was now almost as tall her and she figured she must have missed the beginning of such a growth spurt. He was going to be as tall as his father and likely as brave too.

“You too.” He muffled against her jacket before stepping back and embarking on a run down of events as they transpired from his point of view.

Meanwhile, Daryl and Rick swapped a glance, one of concern for Jess but also for each other. They were beat after having worked all night to sweep the town and eliminate the chances of any of the dead rising again.

“She is playing it down” Deanna muttered through clenched teeth.

“Huh? What d’ya mean?” Daryl asked.

“What she did last night. I saw her from the window. Jennifer Brennan was running across the street away from one of those awful men. She was badly hurt and Jess appeared from nowhere and took him down. Then, she dragged Jennifer to the corner over there and stayed with her, held her hand and talked to her as she died.” She relayed with bloodshot eyes as she took in the impact on her town and the suffering that was forced on her people. “It was chaos, all of it. But she showed compassion and humanity towards that woman despite it all. Then, I watched her save Aaron's life, too. She always said she wasn’t good at fighting people, just walkers. I’m very proud of her.”

Daryl glanced between Deanna and Rick, who was still watching Jess laugh with Carl and playfully jabbing him in the arm.

“Yeah” Daryl mumbled.

Me too.

He cleared his throat and tugged her knife and machete from his belt, slowly encroaching on her conversation with Carl. She stopped talking when she saw him and peered at him expectantly. He held out her weapons, noticing that the end of her bow, which was positioned across her torso as normal, was bent out of shape.

“Cleaned ‘em up for ya.” He told her. She took them from his hands, her eyes never leaving his as she did so and she knew Carl was watching, but struggled to care. “I want ya to go see the Doc, let her make sure ya aint concussed.” He requested

“Thanks. I will. I just imagine she’s kinda busy right now.” She shrugged. Connecting her machete to her belt with its leather loop and sliding her knife back into its holster, she clicked the button closed and pushed her lips into a thin line. He was still staring at her and she knew he wasn’t going to give in.

“So, we’ll wait. I’ll go with ya. C’mon.” He grunted.

Carl raised an eyebrow at Daryl’s unwavering stubborn streak and considered that this may very well be the kind of thing that Jess was referring to when she suggested that he use Daryl as an example of how to treat someone as if they truly mean something.

“Daryl, I can go by myself” Jess tried.

“Ya ain’t doin’ nothin alone until I know ya ain’t got a brain injury. Complain all ya like, I ain’t goin’ nowhere.” He insisted, taking her wrist and marching her off along the street.

“I’ll catch you later, kid” She called out to Carl, who was holding a hand up in a small wave with a knowing smile spread across his lips.

It turned out that after an hour long wait with Daryl hovering over her like a concerned husband, Jess did not have a concussion. What she did have, was severely bruised thighs, a gash across her temple and a bump to the back of her head that had gone down overnight and left a dull ache that was more than manageable. Denise was informed of the true happenings of the night against Jess’s wishes by Daryl, who stepped in when she tried to lie upon being asked if there was anything else that she wasn’t telling her. She’d scowled at him and cursed him in her head but underneath it all, she knew he was doing it because he cared and after everything she’d been through over the last few hours, she considered herself lucky to have such a blessing. When she was finally released from the infirmary, what little energy she did have was put to good use to aid the community in its repair and removal of the bodies. After all, she had all the time in the world, it wasn’t like she could catch a minute of decent sleep anymore.

Daryl made a point of keeping Aaron and Eric away from their home until he’d cleared the bodies inside. Reluctant to let anyone see the result of his fury splattered all over the pristine, white kitchen. He left the house carrying a box full of body parts which he threw onto the back of the truck that contained the rest of the bodies and gave Aaron a nod in passing, letting him know the coast was clear.

“Sorry ‘bout the mess, man.” He mumbled.

Jennifer Brennan’s funeral was tough for Jess, who stood at the back of the crowd and pulled her hood and mask up to create a barrier between her emotions and everyone else. But she simply had to attend, not being present wasn’t an option when she’d ensured that Jennifer’s last moments were spent with her. She hoped she’d been able to do something to calm the woman’s heart, to put her mind at ease and to let her slip away as peacefully as possible among the pandemonium. She turned her body away from the funeral in an effort to hide her tears when it was declared that Jennifer’s husband had also been killed, leaving her two young boys as orphans. Daryl picked up on her sadness and resisted the need to go to her. The last thing she needed was yet more attention.

In the longer-term aftermath of the attack upon Alexandria, an urgent meeting was called, ideas were swapped and opinions raised with regards to the security of the town and how well equipped it was to deal with such situations. Having never experienced much in the way of danger from outside the walls before, most of the residents were still shaken and angry, believing that huge changes needed to be made to make everyone feel more secure.

Rick’s group stepped up the guard duties, changed the gate rules and went on regular patrols in the woods and surrounding areas, also placing two people in the tower at any one time so as not stone was left unturned. It fast became common knowledge that out of the fifteen strong group that attacked, all but two of them were killed. Rick surmised that there would be a cooling off period for them to regroup and bring in reinforcements, if they possessed such a thing and that everyone should be prepared, at any time, for similar attacks.

Jess was tasked with taking training sessions on the promise from Deanna that she would run the lessons on how to kill walkers and attend the lessons by Abraham on how to kill live humans as a trainee. The more she applied herself, the more she was able to mask her mood and after a week, she was able to cover her anxiety enough to convince everyone that she was just fine during the hour-long sessions. When really, she was plagued with flashbacks and nightmares and rarely slept a wink. She was tired, mentally and physically but training was giving her a focus and a useful one at that. But still, the dread seeped through and after her training sessions, she retreated back to the fairground and hid away from the world.

Nothing was said about the kiss that Jess planted on Daryl. Every time he tried, something else came up, someone interrupted or he thought she could sense it and either removed herself or changed the subject. He didn’t quite know exactly what he wanted to say, but the longer it was ignored, the larger the elephant in the room became. Jess wanted to forget it, sweep it under the rug and continue with their friendship as if she hadn’t tried to ruin it all. She hoped he would quickly realize her displeasure at the prospect of discussing it, purely because she hadn’t brought it up herself.

Daryl, who was usually reasonably self restrained, particularly where affairs of the heart were concerned, found it too tempting to resist stopping and watching during one of Jess’s training sessions. She was a delight for him to watch when she was in teacher mode. Confident, sure of herself and displaying a bossy side that tickled his interest in her all the more. In her hand, Jess held onto the knife that he’d given her all those months ago like it was precious and worth more than all the knives in Alexandria combined.

A couple of the participants in her class that day waved to Daryl, who stood off to one side and smiled thinly at Jess as she worked. He didn’t bother trying to hide his amusement, even dipping his head, running his chin and laughing quietly when she described them all as Stormtroopers locked in a war against the Walkers. That was the old Jess, the one he was seeing more and more of and that apparently was done with being suppressed.

“Copycat.” He called out smugly at the sight of the fake Walkers made from potato sacks and stuffed with grass and straw which were tied to heavy posts. Just as he’d tied a real walker to a tree and demanded she learn how to kill them at the quarry.

Jess looked over her shoulder and shot him an irritated look. Her eyes lingered on him for longer than was needed, but she’d noticed his sleeveless, black shirt and the way he was casually leaning against the back of a house with his big arms crossed over his chest. It was staring her right in the face no matter how much she tried to ignore it, he was so attractive and she sometimes hated him for it, especially when she was trying to concentrate. She marched over to him, stopping and resting her hands on her hips. Her six students wait and glanced at one another in curiosity.

“Can I help you, Stinky?” She asked with a pout.

“Mind if I step in?” He requested.

Jess let out a giggle of disbelief and shook her head at his boldness.

“Yes, I do.”

He stood up straight and went to turn away from her in the direction of the road, his lips curled at one corner.

“Fine. Do it wrong.” He challenged.

The people behind her, comprising of three men and three women all began to grin at one another, finding the playful tension between Jess and Daryl highly amusing. Jess watched Daryl as he ambled towards the road, turning and walking backwards with his hands open, tempting her to reevaluate if she was sure her answer was the right one. She exhaled through her nose, frustrated at how she couldn’t say no to him because she wanted to look at him a little longer.

“Alright, smart ass” She proclaimed “What do you want?”

He cleared his throat and walked back to her, stepping behind her and leaning down. With his hand he hooked his fingers around her calf and eased her outside leg further back.

“This leg needs to be further back. It’s a defense thing. Less likely to fall on your ass” he explained, taking her arm and moving it up and back, closing his hand around hers on the knife. “This arm. Lift it up a little more.” He rasped in her ear as he slid a hand down her arm, gently closing it over her elbow and shifting it to the correct position.

Her skin was set alight when she felt his breath on her neck and the warmth of his chest brush against the thin fabric of her shirt. She swallowed hard and noticed everyone staring at them, most of them with recognizable smiles that were directed at Jess’s pink cheeks and Daryl’s unnecessarily close proximity to her.

“What are y’all looking at?!” She snapped at them all “You’ve had a demonstration, get practicing! Remember, keep your body behind your knife.” They all scattered like mice and picked up their weapons, chatting amongst themselves and helping each other.

Daryl had little desire to move and the longer he stood, connected to her side, the more he thought about the kiss and how he didn’t even know if he was right or wrong for not kissing her back. Given time, a few more seconds maybe, he was positive that he would have reciprocated. But the timing and the situation were all wrong. The whole thing was confusing, out of place and bizarre and he wished it wasn’t. He wished it had been in better circumstances, so he could have pulled her back to him and asked her if it was really what she wanted.

Standing firm, Daryl trailed his fingers back along her arm and dropped his hand to his side. She failed to increase the distance between them and took a deep breath as she shyly licked her lips and straightened up her jacket. Her cheeks were still pink and the day was not cold enough to have made them so. Her skin was reddened because she was flustered and he was loving every single second of it.

“Did you have to undermine me like that?” She uttered.

“Probably not.” He smirked

“Then what are you even doing?” She tested

Daryl sucked both lips into his mouth and thought for a moment. He had an idea, but wasn’t sure if he was pushing his luck a little too far. He saw the glint in her eye while she waited for an answer and decided to take the chance, figuring he’d just make a joke out of it if it backfired.

“Need a sparring partner?” He questioned confidently, looking down his nose at her.

If anyone could fight, it was Daryl. He didn’t think himself good at much, a modest number of things; fishing, hunting and having grown up scrapping with the best of them, he was fearless and could more than hold his own. What he lacked in professional training he made up for in determination and resolution.

“Uh, no?’ Jess replied.

“Yeah ya do.” He argued. “Need to show ‘em how it’s s’posed to look. Get some practice in of your own too”

She considered his offer, unable to actually find a reason to decline. He was right. It would be helpful to show them what everything was supposed to look like and as much as she tried not to entertain the thought; she liked the idea of a little healthy competition with the man she thought to be the most attractive she’d ever seen.

“Fine. Tomorrow. But we’ll have to meet up and discuss what I'm going to teach them and how” She instructed in her best official and professional voice.

“Fine by me. Meet ya at your place tonight.” He was already on his way to the road, throwing his response over his shoulder with a hidden smile that only she was allowed to see.

Jess was resourceful enough to work out her own way of training using her weapons and keeping her stamina up. Since the attack, she felt the need to hone her skills more than usual and aside from her time as both a teacher and a student inside the walls, outside, she reserved time each week for cardio training. Just as in the city, she always remembered that she may never know when she would have to run, and keep running and so, keeping up her fitness level was of great importance. She also didn’t want to become complacent with her weapons. Being attached to a safe zone was one thing, but she still lived outside the walls and should her own land be attacked, she needed to know how to defend it, and herself.

Inside the fences of the fairground were various home-made training sections. Scarecrow-like effigies were tied to the horses of the carousel for knife training and targets were hanging, dotted around the compound for firing at with her bow. When Daryl stepped out of the bushes and gained a view through the fence, he spotted Jess aiming and firing at a target with her bow. Her practice over the months of her being alone had paid off, and she rarely missed a shot through lack of skill, it was just her unsteady nerves and tendency to panic that sometimes put her off.

She lowered her bow when she clocked him working his way along the fence and met him at the gate. Opening it up and clanking it shut behind him. In the clearing between the carousel and the Ferris wheel, she walked to the middle and turned to face him, tossing her bow and quiver to one side.

“You think I can’t handle myself, Dixon?” She challenged.

In truth, she felt far from the capable superhero she presented herself to be. She was tired and on edge, the constant memories of her attack dropping into her mind to remind her of her near-death experience. She hated it and it made her angry and sad and vulnerable. Most of all, she hated the nightmares.

“Seen ya fight. You’re good with Walkers. But it was me that taught ya.” Daryl cleverly pointed out.

“You taught me to fight with a knife” She pointed out, unsheathing her blade and tossing it onto the grass. He raised his eyebrows “we’re not using weapons. Before anything else, those people…and me…we need to learn how to survive in a situation where we aren’t blessed with a blade or a gun. Who better to teach me than a brawler like you?”

“You think I’m a brawler?” He asked with a hint of surprise, although he couldn’t blame her for thinking it with a reputation and a temper like his.

“Tell me, how many fights were you involved in before the turn, Daryl?” She shot back at him.

“Alright. Yeah, a lot.” He accepted, tilting his head to one side with a subtle shrug.

He didn’t know what he’d been anticipating when he offered himself up as a sparring partner, but combat with no weapons was certainly not it. All things considered, he wasn’t entirely displeased with the prospect of being so close to Jess, but he was apprehensive about hurting her. When she raised a hand and beckoned him with one finger, his stomach hummed with a complex mix of nerves, excitement and worry.

“Fight me” She challenged.

“You’re sure about this?” He checked.

“Ahh…you’re scared” She mocked, knowing very well that he was far from afraid of her but delighting in being able to poke fun at him.

“I ain’t scared of nothin’.” He warned.

“So, fight me.” She smiled.

He lunged at her and she dodged his first swing, ducking and jabbing him in the side. She refrained from hitting him as hard as she actually could, unsure of her own strength and not wanting to leave any bruises. He swung a leg under her feet, knocking her off balance and grabbing her arm, spinning her and twisting it behind her back. She took a deep breath while he held her there, trying to ignore the churning in her stomach, the gnawing discomfort of being touched after her near miss at the hands of the two barbaric strangers in Aaron and Eric’s house. Fixating her energy onto the task at hand, she stamped on his foot at the same time as shooting an elbow backwards, into his ribs. A grunt rang through her head and she detected his grip loosen a little, just enough for her to slip down to the floor and out of his grasp. Straightening up again wasn’t all that difficult but she soon grasped that her cockiness was too premature when Daryl simply slapped his hands on her shoulders and knocked her backwards. She stumbled and hit the deck like a toddler, devoid of a single ounce of grace. Flat out on the grass, she gawped up at him when he knelt down with a leg either side of her and held her arms to the ground.

A brief spell of panic flashed through her with the vivid memory of being trapped on the table in Aaron’s house, forced to breathe in the stench of rotten breath from the man holding her down and the pressure on her thighs from the one who intended to violate her. In a split second, she was back in the present, in the fairground and under Daryl with his blue eyes peering down at her.

“You’re holdin’ back.” He rasped at her with a slight smile that made her stomach flutter.

“So are you” she panted back.

“Thought you couldn’t fight the livin’.” He reminded her.

“I can’t” She admitted.

Daryl’s restrained breathlessness hadn’t come from their brief fight, but more from his inability to ignore the magnetism he felt whenever he was near her. Jess’s was a mixture of both their strenuous activity and her deep feelings for him, now strengthened by his need to shield her from any harm that may come her way.

“Guess I am scared of somethin’ after all.” He deliberated

“What’s that?”

“Hurtin’ you.” He admitted.

It was the same for her. She was adamant that she wouldn’t go too far, hit too hard or do anything to leave any pain that lingered. Hurting Daryl was the last thing she wanted and she found herself relating to his statement, but choosing not to acknowledge it with anything more than a feeble nod. Upon moving away from her and allowing her to crawl to a sitting position with her legs stretched out in a V shape, Daryl offered her some constructive criticism which was gratefully received by Jess, who had a genuine burning desire to be able to hold her own should she be faced with two more men who chose to be monsters.

“So much for discussing lesson plans.” She sighed even though she’d gained more pointers from this one, short attempt at fighting than she had at an hour-long lesson inside the walls.

“This was more fun.” Daryl commented. He liked how the stray strands of her hair blew like ribbons in the breeze when they fell from her braid, tickling around her face and tempting him to touch them, to softly graze her skin at every opportunity. She brushed them from her eyes and looked thoughtfully across the fairground.

“Yeah, it was” she uttered.

Jess picked at the grass, collecting long strands of green and winding them around her index finger before ripping them from the earth. But her attention wasn’t on the empty patches of dirt she left in her wake, it was on Daryl and the fact that he’d saved her life. Again. Her eyes lifted to find him already staring at her through his hair, his features set in a serious look.

“Thank you for saving me the other day. I should have said that before.” She offered.

“No need. I’d do it over n’ over. You know that.” he responded. She took his short but sincere reply as the end of it and resumed her grass trimming ritual.

The big issue hanging over them both was the kiss. The sudden, thoughtless and shocking kiss that had rooted Daryl to the spot and sent Jess fleeing in a daze of horror and humiliation. He’d tried to bring it up, accepting that talking it over was something that had to happen for both of their sakes. But Jess was less convinced of its importance while she wished she could turn back time and make a different decision in that moment. As he sat opposite her on the grass and observed her peacefully picking at the blades with her fingers, he guessed that it was as good a time as any. They were alone and without interruption or distraction.

“Jess?” He started.”We ever gonna talk ‘bout what happened afterwards?”

She stilled instantly with her fingertips pinched around a daisy. He could see her chest expand when she drew in a deep troubled breath, her eyes flickered around the area between her knees. Daryl felt like he was holding his breath for the duration of time that it took for her to reply to him and he could do nothing but endure the wait of time ticking by, thirty seconds, then forty.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” She finally said.

Now, he had to be braver, pushier but not demanding. He was treading on thin ice and at the wrong comment, Jess could well have fled into her home and refused to acknowledge that day ever again. It wasn’t an option for Daryl, he needed answers.

“Pretty sure you kissed me.” He braved.

“Please” She scoffed. “That wasn’t a kiss.”

He was baffled. He was as sure as the sun rose every morning that she had stormed up to him in Aaron and Eric’s house and kissed him. After all, he should know, it had been a long time since he’d felt the lips of a female on his and he was highly unlikely to be able to forget the fact that this time around, it was Jess.

“Sure felt like it.” He tried to argue in the most non-confrontational way he could.

Jess got to her feet and flicked the grass from her pants. She made eye contact with him, but only for a brief spell before it became too uncomfortable to withstand. Her defensive side was creeping out.

“Yeah? Well you don’t get to say what it was; you didn’t participate.” She remarked as she stomped across the ground to collect her knife and bow. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to head inside.”

I guess that’s the end of that. He thought.

“Alright.” He admitted defeat and didn’t bother to question her further. He wasn’t in the mood for an argument, especially one about such a touchy subject that he thought he might now be willing to let go after seeing her dislike for the subject being raised. It would still resonate every time he looked at her, that much was evident. But to save her closing up and getting mad at him, he shelved the issue for the time being.

The next couple of days saw Abraham, Glenn and Daryl making several trips to a nearby quarry to gather yet more building supplies. The tower was being expanded and basements secured and concealed as hiding places. The area around the walls was being improved with a walkway and platforms with spaces to mount rifles and sadly, the graveyard was being expanded.

Rick was barely seen for 48 hours while he embarked on a low key, one-man mission to find any more tracks of enemy groups that may be laying in wait to attack the town. So far, nothing had been found and he and Deanna could only conclude that for the time being, they were safe enough.

Jess was sitting with the town’s leader on the front porch when a truck rolled through the gates and Abraham, Glenn and Daryl climbed out and began unloading wood and metal beams from the back. Jess had been talked into accepting a lemonade from Deanna, which was much to her irritation but to save face and not come across as though she was a harbinger of misery, she gracefully agreed and promised herself than ten minutes of chit chat would do the trick. Really, she just wanted to go back to the Fairground and hide, as she had done since the attack. The only things bringing her out of her sanctuary being the unavoidable or the necessary.

The truck appeared just in time for Jess to make her excuses and leave as Deanna began to mention moving inside the walls once more. With a subtle eye roll and a sigh, Jess placed her empty glass on the table, thanked Deanna for her hospitality and hopped down the steps towards the truck, where Abraham was buckled over and complaining to anyone within earshot that he’d pulled something in his back.

Without thinking too much of it and under Daryl’s speculative gaze as he helped Glenn move the materials, Jess set to work on loosening the knots in Abraham’s back using her thumbs to dig deep into the muscles in the hope of increasing the blood flow and lessening the pain. Abraham’s reddened face started to calm and gradually he managed to straighten back up again. Jess kept her distance, uneasy about being so close to anyone. She’d managed it with Daryl during their sparring but it wasn’t without its tribulations and she still didn’t trust her own mental health to hold up while so close to another person. She felt her own face flush with heat when Abraham began moaning loudly and attracting the attention of everyone around.

“Yeeeeah! That’s right girl, don’t stop!” He cried while she worked on his lower back, making sure that she wasn’t just moving the problem to another area. In his waistband, was a 9mm that she brushed the handle off as she went. “Careful of my gun, honey. You’re gonna make it go off all over the joint at this rate” He chuckled “It’s loaded.”

“Oh, shut up, Abe.” Jess scoffed, still uncomfortable but wanting to help her friend and failing to hide a grin. Catching Daryl’s eye as he stalked past, she noticed him taking a drag on a cigarette and scowling at them both.

“You wanna go a little further down, there? You can play with the beanbag. I��ll let ‘cha.” He added.

“Ew!” Jess squealed back.

No matter how she dressed it up and no matter how together Abraham was with Rosita, Daryl still struggled not to feel the unwanted familiarity of jealousy when she giggled along like she was a small child, totally enthralled. He couldn't say anything about it, to do so would have put their friendship at risk, and that was something he wouldn’t do without definitive proof that she felt the same. Friends like her don't come along too often. Maybe if he had a little more height and a little more presence along with a vulgar sense of humor, she might forget about the large military man that garnered so much of her attention, but the truth as he saw it, was that on a generous assessment, his own looks and personality were less than ordinary but far from appealing.

A slap rang out across the street when Jess’s hand collided with Abraham's shoulder and she shoved him away from her, chuckling loudly at his boisterous sense of humor. Abe placed a big hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze, thanking her for her assistance and turning slightly more serious when she twisted away from him and let her smile fade at the discomfort of the physical contact. Daryl pretended to sort the smaller chunks of wood and brackets on the back seat, gaining himself a front row seat to their conversation.

“You alright? You look kinda tired” Abraham noticed. Jess wrinkled her forehead and squinted in the sunshine.

“I’m fine. Just not sleeping much.” She admitted.

“Well, you watch your 6 out there while you’re huntin’ and tired. Or, I’ma have to rat you out to ya boyfriend.” He warned.

“Daryl isn’t the boss of me, Abraham.” She corrected boldly with a hint of sass.

Abraham’s face lit up and he chortled to himself while peering down his nose at her. Totally unaware of what she’d just said, she raised her hands in a clueless gesture.

“What?” She asked.

“Oh nothin’…It’s just…who said I meant Daryl?” He replied with a wide grin under his mustache.

The trucks door slammed and Jess flinched at the sound, whirling around in time to see Daryl sling a heavy canvas bag over his shoulder and glimpse at her as if he was running away from something. She waited for him to join Glenn on the other side of the street before slowly turning back to Abraham with her jaw taut and her hand tapping her thigh nervously.

I really hope he didn’t hear that.

Abraham stepped closer to her and guided her around the truck and out of Daryl’s sight by her elbow “Y’know, he might have the cure to your grouchiness, young lady.” He suggested with a knowing grin.

“Don’t you dare” She warned with a thin smile and a wag of her finger.

“C’mooooon, don’t tell me you don’t wanna pet that Python.” He beamed, shooting her a quick wink.

“What?! Abe! No!” She exclaimed. Horrified at his crude and yet not entirely unfunny remark.

“Well why the hell not?!” He asked.

She briefly stared off into space, at nothing in particular and tried to figure out a way of explaining the situation to him without drawing more dirty comments out of him. Clinging to the only thing she thought he could maybe relate to, she tried her luck.

“You a Star Wars fan?” She started

“I seen the movies, yeah.” He shrugged.

“OK, so I’m like a Padawan in this apocalypse. He’s my Jedi master, teaching me the ways of the force. They don’t have relationships.”

His bushy eyebrows changed position as he thought it over but her explanation was soon met with an incredulous expression and a huff of disbelief.

“Shit, girl” He commented “It ain’t no lightsaber. It’s not gonna take ya hand off”

Before the conversation could get any worse and before her anxiety reared its ugly head, Jess decided to beat a hasty retreat.

“I gotta get back to the fairground. Goodbye, Abraham.” She said sternly, seeing him chuckle back at her and raise a hand in a departing wave.

Spinning around and heading for the gate, she very nearly charged straight into Daryl, who was returning to the truck to collect the last of the materials. His eyes connected with hers before darting away again, concentrating on hauling the door open with a notable amount of strength and much more than was actually needed. She backed away from him, almost able to see the anger seething from him like smoke from a fire.

“What’s with the long face?” She questioned hesitantly.

“Nothin’.” He grumbled under his breath, reaching into the truck cab and retrieving his crossbow. He slung it over his shoulder and slammed the door shut so loudly that Deanna rose from her seat on the porch and craned her neck to check there was nothing dramatic going on. Jess moved back and decided that she was too exhausted for one of Daryl’s complicated moods and went to turn to the gate when she heard him mutter something from behind her.

“Why’s he gotta do that?”

She slowly looked back at him, his face was stony, as it had been for the duration of Abraham’s massage and he was seemingly doing absolutely nothing to hide it.

“Who? Abe?” She checked. Soon opting not to wait for a reply. “He’s just joking.”

“Yeah, well it pisses me off” He blurted out against his better judgement. He had set out to mask his jealousy, to keep it inside and not mention it again, but his anger could make him impulsive and reckless and, as was apparent at that moment, snappy.

“Are you jealous again?” Jess asked. If he wasn’t going to acknowledge it, she was going to do it for him. Far be it from her to be subjected to and expected to suffer the moody nature of Daryl’s complex thinking. She’d done nothing wrong and wasn’t about to tiptoe around him and pander to a reaction that was his problem, not hers.

“No” he grunted.

“I think you are. But whatever you say” she sighed as she walked away. That was the end of it as far as she was concerned and having known Daryl for as long as she did, she began to wait until he swallowed his pride and sought her out to offer a shy apology.

Her suspicions were confirmed when he showed up at the fairgrounds gate when she was softy rocking back and forth in one of the Ferris wheel carts. He paced about impatiently while she climbed down and ambled towards the gate, unlocking it and allowing him inside. With his fingers shoved into his pockets, he nervously watched her through the greasy front strands of his hair and nibbled on his bottom lip.

“Sorry… ‘bout back there.” He mumbled. “Don’t know what got into me”

His urgent need to apologize was fueled by his inability to keep his mouth shut and the horror he felt when he thought back over how he’d behaved and the things he’d blurted out uncontrollably.

“Jealousy got into you. But it’s okay, forget it.” She snapped.

All at once, fatigue hit her out of the blue and a simple yawn turned into a stumble backwards against a disused trash can. She grabbed backwards with her hands, steadying herself and feeling Daryl grip one of her elbows. He dragged his vision up and down her body, paying careful attention to her eyes, which were boasting dark circles underneath. Regaining her stance, she managed to stand back up again.

“You gonna tell me what’s goin on?” he pressed.

“Nothing-” She tried.

“-Jess you look like shit.”

She blinked dramatically at him, more to clear her vision than anything else but his direct and reasonably hurtful comment was not lost on her.

“Wow. Thanks. Just leave if you don’t want to look at me.” She remarked.

“I-I don’t mean that how it sounded. You look exhausted. It ain’t good. Ya never look like this. I ain’t seen ya eat nothin’ in days. Ya don’t wanna be near nobody.” His observations were not unfounded and very little got past him when it came to Jess. She was his reason to smile, only she hadn’t been doing a lot of that herself since the attack.

“Well, I could use losing the extra pounds and that’s ridiculous, I’m around people all the time.” She argued.

“Oh really? Cause ya don’t spend time with nobody no more. When was the last time ya had a real conversation with Aaron? Huh?” It was a rhetorical question and one he knew she couldn’t protest at. “Ya lock yaself up in this place and you’re in and out of Alexandria quicker than a fuckin’ mail man.”

“That’s complete crap” She scoffed.

“Alright” He spat “Fine” His tone was aggravated but determined and she could tell he was up to something straight away.

He moved closer to her, looming over her and standing so close that when he inhaled, his chest almost touched hers. Her senses exploded and she became intoxicated by him. Her eyes fluttered and her heart rate quickened.

“Then you won’t mind if I stand right here.” He growled “See? You’re scared.” He watched her breathing change and her lips part. “You’re breathin’ hard. Can see ya hands shakin’ too.”

Scared? I’m not scared of you. I’m in love with you and you’re standing so close to me I could kiss you again.

“That’s not because I’m scared of you, you idiot.” She whispered. “It’s because I’m not. Y-you don’t scare me. You make me nervous.”

Jess couldn’t recall another soul that she’d met in her life that made her as nervous as Daryl did. Everything about him set her on edge but in the best way possible. If only he wanted her the way she wanted him, the chemistry would be electric.

“That ain’t good.” He told her.

“It is.” She corrected “It means I care what you think of me.”

“Right now, I think ya need to tell me what’s goin’ on with you.” He took one small step back to allow her some breathing room but at the same time cementing the fact that until she was honest with him, he wasn’t going anywhere. But Jess was reluctant, feeling childish and ashamed that her nightmares were having such an impact on her life. They were just dreams, bad dreams that she knew were not real. But their vivid and realistic nature was enough to mean they stayed with her all day long. She understood that a problem shared was usually a problem halved, but could Daryl really help her with something as complicated and personal as night terrors? He’d made it clear that he was the one that she was to tell if she needed to talk about anything and for that gesture of reaching out to her, she felt she owed him the truth.

“Nightmares. Okay? I have nightmares about that night.” She admitted.

Daryl sighed and closed his eyes briefly. He was smarter than to expect her to come out of such an ordeal with no lasting psychological effects, even if it was the apocalypse. Dreams were something he had some experience with himself and when he thought of how bad his own could get and so many years on from his trauma, his heart lurched and he wanted to hold onto her.

“Jess…” he paused “…do you, do you feel safe…with me?” he asked.

“Yes” She answered straight away “You’re the only person I feel safe with.”

He nodded and backed away from her but she could tell he was still deep in thought. She took a couple of steps around him in an attempt to see his face but he lowered his head and stroked his beard. She wondered if she should end the conversation there and then and vanish inside. But something about his body language was telling her to stay put.

“I’ll stay.” He eventually said, turning to see her eyebrows raise.

“What?” She croaked.

“I’ll stay here with ya tonight and any other nights you need. I’ll watch ya back while you sleep. Keep ya safe.” He offered.

Jess was touched and bowled over by his willingness to stay right by her side until he knew she was okay. She’d never have anyone exercise such a fierce protective side over her before and for a moment, she considered that if he never wanted her the way she wished he did, he would make an attentive and devoted partner for someone else.

“I can’t expect you to do that.” She told him.

“Would it help?” he asked.

“Maybe. Probably.”

“We’re friends, right?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’m here until ya don’t need me to be.”

She almost dived on him and wrapped her arms around him. It was this secret, sensitive and thoughtful side of him that she’d fallen for. The Daryl that hardly anyone got to see, anyone except her and because he chose to show her through his trust in her. The idea of some real sleep was a tempting one and after a lingering glance with Daryl, Jess agreed to let him stay.

The inside of the Diner was proof that Jess wasn’t coping with her exhaustion and the aftermath of the attack. Her living space, usually tidy and organized, was messy. Clothes were strewn everywhere along with empty cans and thin strips of wood for arrows that had never been touched. Books were discarded on the coffee table and the bed was unmade. It was totally different to how he’d seen it before and it only served to increase his worry for her.

She used the Diners kitchen to change into an over-sized T-shirt and shorts for the night and as she did so, Daryl averted his gaze from the view through the transparent display fridge, affording her some privacy and dignity no matter how much he wanted to witness the beauty of her that she seemed to know nothing about. He removed his boots and vest and settled in an armchair opposite her bed, draping his vest over his arms in defense of the slight, biting cold in the room. When she returned, she wordlessly slid under the covers. Daryl shuffled around in the chair and prepared to keep a close vigil over her, when he glanced up and saw her staring at him.

“What is it? You okay?” He questioned.

“We’re friends and we have shared beds before.” She pointed out “You’re not sleeping on that chair. Come here.”

He had no interest in arguing but made sure not to leave the chair too quickly for fear of coming across as too keen. She moved to the far side and spread the pillows out as Daryl sat beside her and lay back. He fluffed the pillows behind his back, wanting to ensure he was slightly more elevated than her so he could see her should she wake. Jess snuggled down beside him and closed her eyes.

After a while, he realized that he hadn’t stopped looking at her, examining every part of her and resisting the urge to trace his fingertips over her bare upper arm and through her hair. A deep sigh escaped her lips and he didn’t know why or what had changed but he wasn’t strong enough to resist anymore. He felt down her arm with his fingertips and it set her skin alight with a blissful tingling. Torn between not reacting and finding a way to let him know she wasn’t going to push him away, she looked up at him and was floored when he lifted his arm and nudged his head up at her. Her mind was crowded with questions. Why was he doing this? Did he really want her to be closer to him? Was he going to change his mind? She would find no answers through inaction and so, she pulled herself closer to him. He remained there, waiting with his arm up and it dawned on her; he was trying to tell her that she should sleep on him. Knowing a good opportunity when she saw it and believing it to be a one off that she would never forget, she didn’t ask if he was sure. Instead, she nervously rested her head and hand on his chest, feeling the powerful beat of his heart under her palm. He closed his arm around her, over her shoulders and it was like a switch was flicked when she fell into a deep sleep. No flinching, no skin crawling, no trembling. Just peace.

Daryl spent the next few hours drifting in and out of a light snooze, waking every time he remembered where he was, why he was there and that Jess was out for the count on his chest. It was a momentous occasion for him, having never even slept in the same bed as another woman, let alone one he cared so much about. Disregarding his own inhibitions and allowing such a thing was not something he’d ever thought would happen. But it had and he knew when she began to whimper and jolt in her sleep that he would do just about anything to keep her in one piece and by his side. He gently drew her closer, gradually enveloping her in both arms so as not to wake her and startle her. Her hair was as soft as silk under his fingers as he hushed her and lulled her back to a peaceful sleep;

“Shh. I got you. S’alright. Shh”

Morning broke and with it came the slither of bright light through the gap in the concealed windows. In the seconds that preceded her waking, she struggled to remember where she was or why she was there. Somehow wondering why she was not in her bed in her apartment surrounded by her dragon collection and listening to the street below as the world woke up. Then, reality hit and the comfy, warm pillow under her turned out to be Daryl. It all came flooding back. She didn’t know if he was awake or not and lay as still as possible to avoid him detecting that she was no longer asleep. She was going to hold onto this treat for as long as she possibly could. She nuzzled closer to him and to her delight, felt him hold her tighter. Her heart began to flutter and her stomach hummed with butterflies when it occurred to her that he’d pushed his face into her hair and was rubbing his thumb over the skin of her upper arm.

This is bliss. Pure bliss. I think I died in the night and this is heaven.

Daryl could not believe his luck. He wondered why it didn’t feel strange to him or make him tense and nervous because of so much physical affection that he just wasn’t used to. Having only ever been touched by hands with violent intent, he was surprised to find that snuggling Jess just felt right to him. In the darkness her skin felt like a little touch of heaven, warm, together, cozy. He wished he could extend the night just so he could stay close to her for longer, with her safe in his embrace. His arms wrapped right around her brought a peace he’d never known before, a calming of the storms in his heart and he hoped it was the same for her too, although he may never know. But it was her that gave him hope for the future, made him start to believe that there was nothing out there to fear. But then he would have to leave, maybe before the sun is fully risen in the sky and he must stand alone again, be his own person instead of Jess’s person.

Why am I not freakin’ out here? Shit. I don’t ever want to move.

She fought with all her might but Jess could not manage to hold in a small cough and had no choice but to let him know she was awake. He instantly felt as though she would want to move away but when he tried to release her from his arms, she held onto him, sliding the hand on his chest over his torso and clinging to him.

“No. Just…A little while longer.” She whispered. “Please”

Maybe I shouldn’t be assuming so much. This girl is full of surprises.

More than happy to stay put, Daryl accepted that it was what he wanted. He wanted to be able to do this with her every night. He wanted to be the person she trusted and felt safe with and ran to. He wanted to be able to hold her and kiss her and soothe her.

After her restful sleep, disturbed by only the beginning of a nightmare before it filtered out to nothing, Jess slowly rolled over, trapping his arm beneath her neck, stretching her muscles and cracking her back. He tried to look away, to give her the same privacy as he did before, but she was mesmerizing. He noted the fading bruises on her thighs, fading to a green. Apparently not picking up on his admiration of her, Jess sat up with messy hair and sleepy eyes and took his hand, turning it over and leaving a delicate kiss on his skin which felt like tiny sparks of electricity flitting through his entire arm.

“Thank you.” She whispered before shuffling off the bed and leaving him there, stunned and unable to stop smiling to himself.

At the vegetable patch, Jess caught Aaron as he took a break from digging in the heat and shared her bottle of water with him. She’d arrived back from her Walker clearing duties and re-filled it in the pantry, along with filling her backpack with her weekly rations of canned and dried goods. Her head was stuffed, filled with too many thoughts and weighted with tiredness. She’d woken twice during every night since, nightmares plaguing her and bringing with them terror, cold sweats and a reluctance to sleep at all. Every night except the night she'd slept on Daryl's chest.

Aaron, having been worried about Jess since the attack but unable to speak to her properly, was finally grateful to get a moment alone with her, which was something she’d avoided very openly. When he confronted her and asked why she’d pretended as if he didn’t exist, she admitted that she was having difficulty processing what had happened. That the events of that night were still all too fresh in her mind and that she didn’t quite feel like herself yet. He accepted it with more understanding than she'd thought and also thanked her from the bottom of his heart for saving his life that day.

After giving him just enough information to placate his questioning, she informed him that she didn’t need to keep talking about it. In fact, she would rather not and expressed that she just needed time and patience to be able to move past it. However, there was one thing she wanted to run by him and there was no one else that she ever would have imagined telling other than Aaron. She swore him to secrecy, once again threatening to destroy his collection of license plates from across the states.

Aaron quickly swiped the back of his glove across his sweaty brow and got comfortable on the wall where they perched, passing the bottle back and forth between them. Jess tapped on the outside of the plastic with one fingernail while she tried to find the right words to convey exactly what had happened between her and Daryl that night.

“When he saved me, in the house. I think I had some kind of breakdown. I was terrified. I was crying, and then…then I was laughing.” She said with a confused snort of entertainment. Hearing it said out loud made it even harder to decipher. She handed him the bottle and he took a large gulp. “I couldn’t control it and it was because…I was alive. I was alive because of Daryl. I-I didn’t think, Aaron. I just…I kissed him.”

A choking sound spluttered from beside her and she turned her head to see Aaron coughing and staring at her in shock. He wiped his lips and blinked at her for a moment before clearing his throat and shuffling closer on the

“Uh, you did what?” he asked.

Jess glanced around at the other workers. She could see Eric through the green bean trellis, his eyebrows knitted together at the thought of Jess and Aaron sharing gossip without him. At the other end of the patch, Carol and Carl were picking fruits with Judith, who Jess could hear singing to herself without a care in the world. As she picked raspberries, she ate them intermittently; one for the pot, one for Judith and so on. Unbeknownst to Jess and Aaron, Daryl was smoking against the partition wall in front of the gate, at the back of the brick built one they were sitting on. It was the waiting area for those gearing up to leave for supply runs. Having heard his name mentioned, he edged closer to find he could hear every single word of their conversation. He smirked to himself, took a drag on his smoke and leaned back, enjoying the show.

“I kissed him. I made a huge mistake.” Jess reiterated in a low voice

“Why do you think it was a mistake?” Aaron questioned.

She closed her eyes and felt dread course through her body when she remembered how her lips connected with Daryl’s and how he’d stood there like a statue, shocked and baffled by her behavior.

“Because he doesn’t want that from me. He didn’t kiss me back. In fact, he froze up and I just… I just ran.” She relayed.

Aaron remembered watching her flee from the house as though the devil was chasing her and Eric wanting to go after her. Maybe if he’d let him, he’d have been told about Jess’s rogue kiss sooner. But the look on her face and the desperation with which she left the town, like she was nothing but a fleeting shadow, told him that she wouldn’t be sitting next to him and confessing with her sanity somewhat intact if she’d been made to admit everything at the time.

“I see.” He sighed, “So, what’s going on with you two now?”

She’d never been more confused in her life about the dynamics of her relationship with another person. This was a first and Jess couldn’t honesty put her finger on what exactly was happening between them, if there was anything.

“I mean, I still think he’s amazing and super-hot and we hug now, we-we do that. And hand holding. We do that now too. We also…snuggled” She confessed shyly.

“You snuggled?!” Aaron gasped, a little louder than Jess was comfortable with. She held her hand out flat in front of him, lowering it to signal that he should take more care over the volume of his voice.

“Yes. I have these bad dreams. He was taking care of me. It was the most blissful thing I’ve ever experienced and I can probably die happy now. I don’t know what it meant though. Do you? What does it mean?” She questioned in a panic.

Aaron could only shake his head as if there was too much going on, he was staring at her in disbelief at how she couldn’t possibly see what was so obvious to him.

“Kiss him again.” He instructed, ignoring her previous questions and getting straight to the point.

“What?! And prolong this torture?! No!” She growled at him quietly.

“You caught him off guard,” he explained “ Kiss him again and he’ll kiss you back. I know he will. I just know it.”

Jess wasn’t convinced, in fact, the whole idea was absurd to her and it also carried far too much risk. She considered herself lucky that Daryl was even still speaking to her, the last thing she wanted to do was send him running for the hills after giving him another unwanted kiss.

“You don’t know that. Stop getting all excited, I’m not kissing him again.” She dismissed. “There’s no point. No matter how much I like him, he doesn’t like me in the same way.”

“Oh, you’re so wrong” Aaron laughed as he handed her the bottle back with a thud against her arm. She snatched it away from him and narrowed her gaze.

“You’re supposed to be helping me through this minefield, not making it worse!” She told him. Her vision lifted to see Daryl appear at the corner having come from the gate and she momentarily stilled with sheer terror at the thought of him having heard their conversation. But he looked like he’d just arrived and seemed relaxed enough and so, she clung onto that tiny shred of hope.

“Aaaanndd that’s how I think Vision or Dr strange could probably fix all this” she lied with her eyebrows high at Aaron, who slowly started to nod when he noted Daryl’s presence.

“Yes. Yes! Absolutely. I think you’re right.” He commented, adding to Jess’s thin and pointless untruth.

That day Jess was restless and after having heard the one thing he’d been longing to hear for so long, so was Daryl. Finally, he had confirmation that she did, in fact, like him as more than a friend and it had become a struggle for him to go about his day without a smile on his face, which he knew everyone and their uncle would soon notice due to it being so far removed from how he usually conducted himself.

Jess found herself in the armory after offering to take over for a couple of hours, it was an unusual task for her but one that kept her busy and away from Daryl, who she couldn’t stop staring at as he cleaned his bike on the drive of the Grimes home. Her job was simple, to count all the guns and ammo and report any discrepancies. Rick was already out and there were no other runs scheduled that day so she figured she would be done before midday and could spend the rest of the morning at the fairground until it was time for training. Which had been pushed back to the late afternoon to avoid anyone getting sunstroke from the heat.

Cleaning his bike was not a pointless task, he was preparing for a recruiting run which, to his delight meant he had to visit the armory to check out a gun. He wasn’t sure that he liked the giddy, happy feeling that was dwelling in his chest and stomach, was this how teenagers felt when they developed a crush for the first time? Still, he couldn’t help it and it was so strong he found that he couldn't concentrate on little else as he polished the same spot on the tank of his bike over and over again. His next course of action was a mystery to him, finding out such information was not common in Daryl’s world. In fact, it was unheard of and he was now in new territory and faced with two options; forget he’d heard what Jess had said and do nothing in the knowledge that she had no designs on kissing him again. Or, make a move. The latter was terrifying to him, but it was also the one thing he wanted more than anything, the chance to be with Jess in the way they both seemed to want. But, there was something stopping him; his belief that despite how much he cared for her, Jess deserved better than he could ever offer.

The armory was quiet as Jess worked her way through the neatly written checklists of guns and ammo. Shelf by shelf she ticked them off, checking their condition and cleaning the shelves and racking. It was a job normally performed by Olivia, who also oversaw the rationing of food from the pantry. She had been more than happy to hand over the reins when Jess turned up looking for a job that would take her away from other human beings for a while. She hummed a gentle tune to herself as she worked, coming to the end of a row and planting herself in Olivia's dilapidated swivel chair. She signed the paperwork off and held her breath when Daryl wandered into the room, nudged his head up at her and began picking through the guns.

“Take what you want but just tell me what you’re taking so I can cross it off.” She told him without looking up from the list. She flipped the page and began to scan through the names of the ammunition that was kept in a closet at the end of the room. It was silent in the armory, so much so, that she felt the need to raise her gaze and check on Daryl. She peered at him over the top of the clipboard. He was smirking at her.

“What?” She asked uneasily.

“Nothin’.” He replied, picking up a gun and sucking both lips into his mouth to disguise the strong smile that was forming.

Jess wasn’t convinced, something was amiss and she could feel it in her gut. Something had changed and there was a clear difference in how Daryl was acting.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she demanded as she stood up and lowered the clipboard to her side.

“I ain’t lookin’ atcha like nothin’.” He said, his lips now curling at the sides and his eyes lighting up.

“You keep smiling at me.” She pointed out.

Shit. Can’t fuckin’ help it, girl.

“Maybe I’m just havin’ a good day.” He reasoned.

Jess dropped the clipboard onto the chair and slowly moved closer to him, growing more and more suspicious with each step. It briefly crossed her mind that he may have heard her conversation with Aaron earlier on, but it was unlikely, they’d both been careful to keep their voices down and when Daryl had stepped into view, he’d given away no signs that he’d heard a thing and such subject matter was bound to provoke some kind of reaction. No, this was strange, it had to be something else and she wasn’t done questioning him.

“This is weird. You’re weird. You’re never having a good day and you sure as hell never smile this much. What is wrong with you?” She pressed, narrowing her gaze at him and finding it difficult not to copy his amused expression.

“I told ya, nothin’. Smilin’ ain’t no crime, Jess.” He answered with a small laugh, holding up the gun he’d chosen. She picked up the clipboard again and crossed it off, watching him carefully as he sauntered to the ammo room and plucked a box from the shelf.

She stopped talking but still glared intermittently at him. He continued to smirk at her and nibble his lower lip as he loaded the gun and made his way to the door. Leaning on the frame before he left, he lingered and toyed with the idea of taking her out with him. At least he would get to be close to her, knowing what he knew, no matter how inexplicable it was that she liked him.

“Goin lookin’ for people. You could come with” He suggested.

“No. I’m going home once I’m done here. Be careful out there” she murmured as she scanned the names on the page, ticking off the items Daryl had selected and marking them as ‘checked out’ with Daryl’s initials at the side.

“You feel better?” he questioned

Then, she met his eye and the very real memory of her curled up in his arms flashed through her head. She did feel better, as if he’d been some kind of medicine to her and fought off the nightmares with his presence alone.

“Yeah. Much better. Thank you.” She said.

“You know I can be there with ya anytime, right? Just gotta say” He reminded her in the hope that she would take him up on it once more. She presented him with a small smile and nod before she sat down again and bit down on the end of her pencil.

“Jess” he rasped.

“Mm?” She hummed, still fixated on the page in her lap. He’d lost her attention and admitted defeat.

You kissed me and it’s driving me crazy

“Nothin’. See ya around.”

Recruiting was useless when there was so much hanging over him, yet he persevered, trudging through humid fields and tracking what turned out to be nothing but Walkers. The grass was dry and crackled under his boots when he crossed through open land to check wooded areas for signs of camps or discarded food containers. But he found nothing, only the restless cycling of his mind and the nervousness in his hands as he tried to roll a smoke. Loath to continue on as he was, he decided that he had to say something. He was sure that he had little to nothing to offer her past the friendship he’d already provided, but if it meant things were clearer and he was surer about where he stood, it was worth the discomfort of asking about the kiss yet again.

Arriving back at Alexandria as the sun was going down, he dismounted his bike and took in the pleasant orange glow that illuminated the town. Dusk always seemed to be picturesque since the end of the world, or maybe he just never appreciated it before. He was always following Merle, treading in his footsteps, being the run around, ducking from the cops and wasting his time in bars or laying on the couch as high as a kite. Now, he could enjoy the things he missed from before, like the sunset, the sunrise, the gentle sway of the leaves in the woods when he was in the tower and the blue-eyed, dark-haired nerd that grabbed his sanity and ran away with it at a quarry one day.

Jess was sitting by the pond, fiddling with the straps on her finger-less gloves and adjusting her bracers. She’d removed them to take part in close combat training, a lesson which she was finding to be beneficial not only in skills, but as a distraction from the traumatized state of mind she drifted around in. Daryl sat beside her and for what ended up being a number of minutes, neither of them spoke. He leaned back on the bench, stretching his legs and resting one ankle over the other. Wishing there was some kind of rule book he could follow that would talk him through how to approach such tedious subjects, he sighed loudly, drawing Jess’s attention.

“Find any signs of life today?” She questioned while pondering where his smug and smiley attitude from just hours before had disappeared to.

“Nah. Waste of time.” He grumbled.

“Training went well this afternoon.” She told him “Thanks for the fight the other day. I think I needed the perspective. Y’know, measure what I was capable of before so I had a starting point.”

“No problem. Didn’t do nothin’ Abraham wouldn’t have done.” He snipped. Jess chose to ignore the dig at her friend, putting it down to his ever-growing jealousy and the denial with which he tried to hide it. Confronting him about it would only end badly.

“Yeah, right. Abraham is a great teacher, but extra-curricular lessons with him would be a little too much.” She mused with a small huff “He’d probably have me in tears or smoking cigars-”

“-why’d you kiss me?” Daryl asked, forcing the question out and turning slightly to face her. She was statue still with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open from being interrupted. Daryl’s heart began to hammer in his chest and he considered that maybe he should have just ignored what he’d heard, that way, nothing had to change.

“W-what?” She stammered.

“Don’t say ya didn’t, cause ya did.” He warned carelessly. Words were tumbling from his lips without him thinking about them at all as impulse took over “I know I asked before but ya shot me down without a real answer n’ I’m sorry…but I need to know, Jess.”

Very slowly, her mouth closed and she licked her bottom lip, turning her body to face the pond and scanning the dimly lit floor beneath her boots. She could tell him the truth; that she was in love with him and that’s why she kissed him. Or, she could protect their friendship and go with the more painful half-truth, that she was overwhelmed and couldn’t control her actions. What she really wanted to do to escape the pressure, was say very little. Just enough to satisfy his questioning.

“I…I don’t know.” She croaked.

He nodded once and leaned forwards, rubbing his face with both of his hands. Why did this have to be so complicated? So far, he’d not progressed any further than he had when he first sat down. Why didn’t she know? Dissatisfied with her answer, he released a quiet, frustrated growl that told her in no uncertain terms that he was not happy.

She’s never going to tell me, is she? She told Aaron, but she won’t tell me…?

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I didn’t mean to confuse everything. I don’t know what I was thinking”

“Mm. Wish I did.” He admitted with no regard for how irritated he sounded.

Sensing that she’d touched a nerve and bothered him with her inexplicable actions and dislike for deliberating the subject, she was well aware that any further attempts to make things right could end in a fight or, worse still, the end of their friendship. Unbearable guilt festered in the pit of her stomach and while she’d dreamed of kissing him a thousand times over, she would take it back in a heartbeat if she could.

“I should get back. It’s late. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She sighed, rising from the bench and pacing away from the pond. Before Daryl could think of something to stop her, she was already through the gate. Anger began to spike in his veins. All he wanted was a straight answer, so he could tell her that he liked her too, but she was better off with someone who had more to offer. But now, their friendship was left in choppy waters and sinking fast. He sprang up from the bench and stormed after her.

Jess clicked on the battery-operated light that hung above the lock for the gate to the Fairground and released the mechanism. She’d practically sprinted all the way back, literally trying to run away from her problems without stopping once on the journey. Now, she took a moment to pause and rested her forehead against the cold metal of the fence post. She let out a long sigh, hoping it would regulate the nerves and sadness in her heart. She hated that she’d angered him, hated that she’d confused him and put him in a position where he was forced to question her bizarre actions twice.

Aaron was wrong, she was sure of that. There wasn’t a chance in hell that he’d want her to kiss him again and so, she resigned herself to trying to repair the damage done by acting as if nothing had changed. It would be hard and it would hurt like hell. But it had to be done because having Daryl as a friend was better than not having Daryl at all.

A rustle from behind her had her gripping the gate post, ready to haul it open when she saw the blurred reflection of a figure behind her in the metal. Just about able to make out something on the figures right shoulder, the penny dropped and she relaxed.

“Step to the left and you’ll lose your leg to a bear trap, clubfoot.” She quipped.

It was Daryl and the shape at his shoulder was his crossbow. Obviously forgetting his stealth skills, he’d charged through the woods in pursuit of her and given hardly any thought to what he would say when he caught up. Overthinking things hadn’t done him any favors before so, he went with his instincts.

“So fuckin smug, ain’t ya?” He scoffed with a side step to the right, away from the trap she’d mentioned.

Assuming his presence was down to his concern about her sleepless nights and bad dreams again, she moved to face him and leaned back against the gate.

“You don’t have to stay. I’ll be fine.” She said softly.

“That ain’t why I’m here.” He stated.

Dread reached every limb in her body and she was sure she could even feel it in her toes. Had he really turned up there for a full-blown argument?!

“Then why are you here?” She questioned with a shaky voice and a hand tapping at her thigh. His eyes clocked her nervous ritual, one she’d had since the quarry and he worried that he was unsettling her a little too much. It wasn’t his aim but he needed to get to the bottom of exactly what was going on between them.

“It gonna happen again?” he asked. Halfway through his sentence, his voice cracked and Jess swallowed hard. All of a sudden, it became clear why he was there and what he was referring to. He wasn’t done discussing that kiss.

“Please, Daryl” Her eyes began to moisten and she huffed out a jagged breath “We have been over this. Can we just forget about that?”

I can’t forget about it. You kissed me and you like me and I have no idea why. But you are everything to me and it’s making me crazy. I can’t concentrate on shit; it’s messed my day up in the best way. I ain’t no good for you but you are all I think about and I think you need to know that.

“Can’t.” was the only word that croaked from his mouth.

“Well… try.” She pleaded with a slight stomp of one foot like a child having a tantrum.

“I have” he mumbled

“Oh, for god sakes.” She complained. Then, the floodgate opened and every thought she had on the subject seemed to pour out uncontrollably and once she started, she couldn’t find the strength to stop. “I was just overwhelmed, OK? I made a stupid split-second decision and it was wrong. I didn’t even know what I was doing until I was doing it and I’m sorry, you didn’t want it and I’d rather we just forgot about it instead of you making me re-live the humiliation like this. It’s like ‘Journal-reading 2.0’. It’s not fair, I would have thought it was obvious-“

“Jess?” he tried to cut in.

“-That I don’t want to talk about it because it could screw up our friendship and even though I think you’re a…damn fine looking man and you’re just amazing I don’t want you looking at me like I’m some kind of hussy or like I’m going to throw myself at you because really, it was just a one off and I was so happy to be alive. You saved me and I just got carried away with that, it’s not going to-“

“Jess?”

“-Happen again. I’ll make sure of that. I mean, I can admire from afar and you could just be a gentleman about it and not bring it up anymore. I hope I’ve answered your question and you’re going to stop being mad at m-”

He kissed her and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled and his tongue brushed the crease of her lips. She ran her fingers down the lapels of his leather vest, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest. Although startled, her head filled with air like she was floating when she kissed him back. His kiss was deliberate and with just enough pressure to tell her that he really did want to do it but didn’t want to scare her.

It was the first time Daryl had kissed anyone in years and as he sensed her relax in his grasp, it occurred to him that he had never kissed anyone because he actually wanted to, until that fateful, memorable moment and it felt incredible, especially when he heard her whimper against him. Her knees were so weak she thought she might crumple but he was pushing her against the fence and her mind fell into a blissful, blank state where nothing mattered anymore. There were no Walkers, no death, no apocalypse. There was only her and Daryl and the fact that he had kissed her. Making it more than just a simple locking of lips, it was deep and filled with so much that neither of them could figure out how to say to each other.

When they broke apart for air, he rested his forehead against hers and gathered some much-needed oxygen. His blink and you’d miss it smirk told her everything she wished for, for so long and she could only stare at him, sinking into his hold.

“Just shut up.” He uttered.

Then, the smallest of laughs was exchanged between them and they finally made eye contact which proved to him that she was just as nervous as he was. She still stared up at him with a sparkle in her eyes that he had put there and her lips were slightly pink from the kiss. Daryl stepped back, breaking contact with her and dropping his hand. He could see her trying to speak, her mouth opening and closing again but all words would fail her and there simply was no point. She was rendered totally speechless and her knees were still weak and wobbly.

“Hey” He whispered, managing to gain her full attention for a second. “This ain’t over”.

With that, he backed up, taking care not to step on the bear trap and Jess could only watch as his shadowy figure vanished into the trees, leaving her astounded and undeniably happier than she’d been in a long, long time.

---tagged as requested---

@lilred254 @woundmetender @lonewolf471

Masterlist for This Time Around

#daryl #daryl dixon #the walking dead daryl #twd daryl #daryl fanfiction #daryl x oc

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mulderbabe77 · 5 years ago

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You’ll Feel Better Soon

Author: mulderbabe77 Summary: Pure fluff. Brennan gets her period on their way home from interviewing a suspect. She feels like crap, Booth helps her feel better. Some cute conversation and caretaking. Nothing but fluff really. Sorry! Length: 2174 words Classification: Fluff, Caretaking, Sickfic Rating: G Spoilers: None really, as long as you’ve seen season 1, this is set around early season 2 sometime

Has not really been proof read very well, just kind of threw it together as it was running around my head.

**********************

Dr. Temperance Brennan shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat of the SUV for the sixth time in just a few short minutes. Something that did not go unnoticed by her partner, Seeley Booth, as he drove. In fact, he was now keeping a mental tally of how many times she squirmed in her seat since they started driving. She had been unusually quiet the last hour or so, as they ate lunch and drove home from questioning a suspect in rural Virginia. They were still a couple hours from home. She shifted in her seat again and Booth’s eyes flitted over to his partner. “You ok, Bones?” “Of course,” she replied, though he could swear he detected a slight grimace on her face and an edge to her voice that he had never heard before. Booth and Brennan had been partnered together now for a little over a year and though they certainly had their moments here and there of getting on each others nerves or disagreeing, this was certainly unusual behavior for her. She wasn’t one to give the silent treatment, usually preferring to speak her mind, quite loudly and quite forcefully. And he couldn’t think of anything she would be angry about, they hadn’t argued and he didn’t think he’d done anything that would upset her.

She turned to the backseat and pulled her large messenger style bag into her lap and began digging through it.

“Damn,” she muttered to herself after a few minutes of frantically looking and finally coming up empty-handed. She tossed her bag rather haphazardly into the backseat and leaned her head heavily onto the passenger window, closing her eyes.

Booth glanced to his partner again, then back to the road. Something was definitely up and his curiosity had been piqued. He stole a few more glances at her - she didn’t look well. He hoped she wasn’t getting sick.

In the 13 months that they had worked together, he had never seen her sick. She had never taken so much as even one sick day. Not even a sniffle or sneeze, save for this past Christmas when they were quarantined in the lab, and she had surprised him with those two quick sneezes and nearly gave him a heart attack thinking she had valley fever. Other than that she was always healthy as a horse. Always. He suspected she had a very strong immune system.

“Bones, are you sure you’re ok? I think I know when something is bothering you. What can I do to help?”

She gave him a small smile, appreciating his perceptiveness.

“I need painkillers,” she sighed.

“You have a headache?”

“Something like that.” He wasn’t sure what to think of that response.

“Want me to pull off at a gas station? You can grab some Tylenol,” he offered.

“I’m afraid that won’t cut it.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” He felt the beginnings of panic begin to creep around his heart, worrying that she was about to tell him something horrible was wrong.

“It’s fine, Booth,” she reassured. “I’m merely experiencing dysmenorrhea,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Dysmeno- what?”

“Dysmenorrhea, also known as painful cramping brought on by the monthly shedding of my uterine lining.”

He still gave her a puzzled look. “Layman’s terms, Bones?”

“Menstrual cramps.”

“Oh. Sorry Bones. You going to be ok?”

She pressed a hand to her abdomen and grimaced as another cramp ripped through her.

“Yes, although I usually take prescription medication, but I seem to have forgotten it at home today,” she sighed. “The pain can get quite intense and we’re still a long way from home. It’s possible I may vomit if the pain gets bad enough. Please be prepared to stop the car if that happens.”

Even though she explained everything very matter of factly, Booth still noticed a hint of blush to her cheeks and she looked out her window as she spoke, instead of looking at him, almost as if she was embarrassed. He’d never seen her embarrassed about anything before.

“Sure Bones. I’m sorry you’re in pain,” he said, reaching his hand out and giving her forearm a gentle yet reassuring squeeze. “You don’t need to be embarrassed, you know. It’s natural.”

“Logically I know that. Women have experienced menstruation since the beginning of time, Booth. Though I have no idea how prehistoric women survived without modern day painkillers. Still, it’s not something I usually discuss, especially with the opposite sex,” she looked towards him for a minute before turning back to look out the window.

“I get it. I’m just saying, I’m not going to get all weirded out, ok? You’re a woman, and it’s a natural bodily function. We’ve been partners for a while now so I know you have periods, obviously but I’ve never seen you like this before Bones,” he said, and their eyes met and locked - his shining full of empathy for his hurting partner. He was truly worried about her and this stirred something deep down in her heart. Something she’d never felt for a man before. She shook her head, trying to quiet her thoughts before answering.

“I’m intentionally very discreet. Plus I usually always keep my prescription medication in my bag. It really helps. I must have run out and forgotten to refill it. I don’t know how I could be so careless.”

“We’ve been really busy lately, it’s understandable,” he noted. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Anyway, please tell me if there’s anything I can do to help.”

Bones nodded, “Thanks,” and gave him a small smile. “I’m going to try to sleep for a little bit, sometimes that helps.” She rested her head against the window and shut her eyes.

Booth drove on and Bones did eventually drift off to sleep.

They were still about an hour away from home when Bones started to lightly moan in her sleep. Her brow was creased and he could tell she was in a lot of pain.

Suddenly her eyes snapped open and she leaned forward holding her stomach.

“Booth?”

“Yeah?”

“Stop the car, I’m going to be sick,” she held a hand over her mouth.

He was already prepared for what she was about to say.

“Stopping, just one sec,” he said, pulling off the road quickly, into some gravely dirt. They were on a nearly abandoned country road.

Brennan jumped from the car the second it came to a stop, stumbling a bit on the gravel and falling to her knees just a few feet from the car as her stomach violently emptied itself onto the ground.

Booth jumped out of his side of the car and hovered nearby, close, but not too close as to make her feel uncomfortable by invading her personal space.

Brennan retched again before trying to climb too quickly back to her feet. She swayed a bit and Booth stepped up from behind and grabbed her elbow before she took a tumble.

“Whoah, take it easy, Bones. Just breathe for a minute.”

He handed her his handkerchief from inside his suit jacket which she gratefully accepted and wiped at the corner of her mouth.

“I’m sorry, Booth. I’m humiliated,” he heard her voice crack on the last word and then saw the tears begin to fall.

He pulled her into a gentle embrace, “Temperance, it’s fine, you’re human. People throw up.”

“I don’t,” she hiccuped into his shoulder, feeling like a complete fool, not only for throwing up in front of her partner, but now also for crying about it. “I don’t get sick, Booth. And I certainly don’t usually cry about it.”

She pulled away and wiped her nose with the handkerchief, trying to compose herself, smoothing out her suit which after the whole ordeal was looking quite a mess.

“Everyone gets sick now and then, Bones and I would never think any less of you because of that. How are you feeling now?”

“A little bit better, but still in pain. Maybe we can find a gas station for some Advil and a bathroom?”

“Sure thing, Bones,” he said, guiding her by the arm over to the car and opening the door for her.

“Thank you,” she gave him a small smile and climbed into the SUV. Once inside she folded herself up into the seat and pulled her knees up to her chest.

Booth kept his eyes peeled for the closest gas station but they were still in the middle of nowhere, so he knew it might be a while before they found one.

Brennan has curled herself up into a little ball in the seat. He couldn’t help but think how tiny and helpless she looked there, all curled up, face still scrunched up in pain. He would do anything to take that feeling away for her. He pressed his foot down a little harder on the gas pedal.

He thought she had fallen back to sleep when her tiny voice floated through the air.

“This used to happen to me in high school. Before my parents disappeared,” she sighed, thinking back.

“Every month when I would get my period it was like hell for me. I would feel awful, be in so much pain crying on the bathroom floor at school. My dad,” she started, and he could hear her struggling to get the words out, fighting back tears as she said his name. “My Dad would come pick me up from school every time it happened. He would bring me home, bring some Advil and a glass of water and tuck me into my bed. He never talked about what was wrong, knowing I was too embarrassed to talk about it. But he would pull the blankets up to my chin,” a tear streaked down her face and she quickly swiped it away, but he saw. “And then he would kiss me on the cheek and say ‘Sleep sweetheart, you’ll feel better soon’ before he left the room,”

“He sounds like a great dad, aside from the whole criminal secret life thing, of course,” Booth noted and Brennan laughed out loud.

“He was,” she smiled. “I’ve never had that feeling since. That feeling of being really cared for…. not until I met you,” she said the last part so quietly he almost thought he imagined it.

“I’ll always be here for you, Bones. I promise.”

“Hey look, a gas station!” she pointed up the road, interrupting their moment rather abruptly.

He filled up the tank while she went inside to use the restroom and grab a bottle of Advil.

It was about an hour later, and the sun had already set when they were pulling up to her apartment. He helped carry her bag inside along with some pieces of scientific equipment she had brought along to collect evidence.

“I think I’m going to lie down, I’m still not feeling great.”

“Come on,” he said pulling her hand towards the bedroom. “I’ll tuck you in.”

She kicked her shoes off and climbed under the covers, not even caring that she was still wearing her dress clothes. Booth disappeared in the bathroom for a minute and returned with a glass of water and two more Advil.

“Here,” he said, placing them on her nightstand, “In case you need them in the night.”

“Thanks Booth,” she smiled sleepily and then let out a yawn.

He pulled the covers up to her chin, leaned down, kissed her on the cheek and said, “Sleep, you’ll feel better soon,” before letting himself out of her apartment.

She fell into a mostly pain free sleep and when she woke in the morning, she felt much better. Ready to face another day with her partner.

#bonesfic #booth x brennan #sickfic #periodfic #fluff #temperance brennan #seeley booth

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piracytheorist · 5 years ago

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My Notes on Rewatching “Call Girl”

I amuse myself by thinking that watching this film is an important rite of passage for anyone who’s an all-in Colin fan, as in, one who’ll watch anything and everything he’s in, no matter the content, theme or quality.

I actually used to think that this was a pretty bad movie... but, as you might have seen from my last few posts, I recently realized this isn’t the case. Sure, it is not your average short film, but breaking it down you realize it’s doing most things right from a filmmaking point. I mean, you don’t have to love it, but it does a great job overall.

And I mean, it’s got Colin in it. How bad can it be? ;)

Beware of spoilers, if you haven’t seen the film. And if you do wanna see it, here it is :D

I'm still surprised that... this is it. That's Colin freaking O'Donoghue right there. The pirate. The cowboy. The astronaut. The man the myth the legend.

Ah, early 00's.

Wait. Ok let's make a breakdown of the decoration here. There's: 1) a heart anatomy poster 2) a frame with an undiscernible picture 3) IS THAT AN ASTRONAUT FIGURE? dun_dun_dun.mp3 4) a small penguin (?) plushie with a nautical (?) hat on it 5) are those... mantis figurines stuck on the sides of the screen????

Oooooh boy you sure have some very specific decorations on your desk.

The music stops abruptly when Brendan's mother calls out to him to not close the door because she wants to see him studying. That's interesting. Also how old is Brennan supposed to be? Is he supposed to be in high school, or an adult in college? What was the age of consent in Ireland in 2003?

This vibe, though. White perfect shirt and dark vest...

The look of "I'm gonna look at hot girls with my bedroom's door open while my parents argue across the hall" ALSO YES THAT'S A MANTIS

This just makes me laugh so much. Can you imagine sweet innocent (mostly) virgin Brendan typing it and his heartbeat skyrocketing?

Seriously though, that "Welcome back Brendan" thing. With one small addition you add a whole point in his backstory about him trying to deal with his urges.

Jesus I have forgotten so much. As soon as Brendan hears his mother coming, he immediately clicks "Dump her" on the "Virtual Babe" and it just... explodes.

With a full low-quality boom sound effect to boot. Like seriously if you were trying to hide why the f have your speakers on. You had one job, Brendan.

A rare glimpse into Brendan's room, and I'm trying to understand what the pattern on his sheets are. Maybe I'm just confused by the astronaut figurine, but it looks... vaguely... about space? Like, if you squint, the circular thing on the top left looks like Saturn's rings. No?

Also, Brendan's mom being obsessed with disinfection. That was 2003.

"I don't want filth getting into my house while I'm gone." And two hours later, her son has sex on her bed.

Oh wait, his father says "The only contact [Brendan] has with the outside world is through that bloody computer of his," in a... weird, tone? Like he's trying to placate the mother's fears of any rave party suddenly taking place in the house, but also with his tone (and maybe by using the word "bloody"? idk I'm no native speaker but it piques my interest) it doesn't seem like he's very... understanding and/or supportive of his probably very shy and/or socially awkward son.

Mom: That reminds me, block off the internet, will you? Dad: *scoffs* Why not lock him in a tower while you're at it?

He is sassy though!

Lookit him though! So sad he won't be able to create and look at Virtual BabesTM while his parents are gone.

The parent's accents strike me more towards a British one and I got confused for a bit, but then I remembered that we see Brendan use euros later, lol.

*hatching the plan to search in his father's briefcase for any cards for escort services*

This is where I started feeling that this movie is better than I’d remembered. Like, it does the job of delivering Brendan's guilt over "tresspassing" into his parents room and disobeying his mother, as well as his fear of being discovered, even though he watched his parents drive away, so he'd hear the car if they came back, in a pretty well-done and clear way.

I love how he immediately knows exactly where to look. His father's such an organized fella. Also those pills that he seems to not need immediately (thus leaving them behind for the weekend) are... something. They're put there for a reason and I wonder what that could have been.

There's not even a moment of hesitation, once he opens the briefcase. He doesn't put the card back in, he only looks briefly at his parents' photo but then he's like "Yeah. I'm doing it."

That smile as he sees the card though, lol.

Casual reminder to have safe sex, lads.

And then the phone operator is like, full business mode. Brendan stutters for one (1) second and she's immediately like, "You want a girl?" She's like, I've had tons of people like you, lad, can't waste my time waiting until you find the courage to ask. You wanna hire or not?

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED The operator asks for the address, Brendan gives it, then asks how much does it cost. Then the operator says "Same as usual." BRUH she knew the address from how often his father used the service!

And then poor Brendan checks his savings and his "Uh..." says it all about how he wishes he could hire someone for longer than an hour. Bro, calm down. It's your first time.

And then he's like, waiting all anxiously by the door. I've never hired an escort service but I feel ya dude.

And of course Barbara the nosy neighbor, here to bring us to the edge of our seats, lol.

Look at how organized their fridge is. Why is that chick suddenly so eager to cook something for him? There looks to be so much food already prepared in there.

And dude. This movie has set-ups. Barbara tries to open a cupboard to like pick up ingredients to cook something, and Brendan, with a sudden "No!" rushes in and closes it. It only makes sense later, when we see that that's where he hid the money for the call girl.

Yikes she booped his nose as she left... what is he, ten? I mean even if he's supposed to be a teen here it's still... like... he's not a little boy to fucking boop his nose. No wonder her mother seems to trust her with taking care of him, with how both treat him like he's a child.

Hi there! You're gonna die :D

Shit I just noticed the portrait on the wall. Is that a... is that a fucking ruff collar his mother is wearing???? (btw I had to search to find that term with "shakespeare collar" XD)

I mean... you can't help falling for it. At first you're like, she seems too... simple for a call girl. But then you're like, who else could it be who also knows his name?

I wonder what would've happened if she hadn't asked to use the bathroom, which prompted her to look at his parents' bedroom and him to... initiate contact. Would he have mustered the courage to actually ask her about it or would he have been so flustered until she'd say something? What would she say? "You know, your mother said you would [something]" and he would FREAK THE FUCK OUT because how does his mother know? Would they have stayed there in awkward silence long enough for his mother to call, him to pick up and find out what she was really there for?

I mean, look at that! I'm speculacting the "what-ifs"! Good fucking movie!

That look, though. You suddenly go from "Aw you cute" to "WTF I know you're thirsty for it but that's... creepy"

Look at that smile, though! She is pretty nosy!

I just... I love everything about this. The way she's smiling at nosing in in her boss' bedroom. Him creeping behind her like the future killer that he is, actually scaring her. The way he says "This is my mother's room," so shy and collected. The fucking music, too. How it slowly builds up from the moment she spots the bedroom and it starts developing when Brendan kisses her.

And that kiss. So chaste and shy and yet she's like, wow yeah let's have sex now.

"You're not as shy as you look." LOL

For the pre-sex scene I just wanna link y'all to @killian-whump 's post about it, since it says it all.

Also dude the voicemail is set up from that moment too, but we've yet to hear what it includes, aside from his mother being bossy about the smallest things. "I hope you haven't gone back to bed." IF ONLY YOU KNEW. Not only what bed he's gone to, but also what he's doing on said bed.

"You don't waste much time, do you?" Lol if only you knew. And again his first response is to apologize if he did anything wrong.

And you know what? Plot twists are a hell of a lot of fun and well made when they make you go back and see things with the new perspective. Like, how chill and simple she was, why she said the last line I mentioned, the newly-known reasons why she said it was kinky to have sex in his mother's bedroom... *slams hand on table* That's a great way to do a plot twist! A fucking plus!

Like seriously, this convo: B: Have you met my father? M: No, but a lot of the other girls have though.

Pre-plot twist viewer: Wow whAT how do you say it like that Post-plot twist viewer: Yeah makes sense

M: I think he gets sympathy from them, like, you know, cause his wife's such an old witch... *realizes* Oh, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that! *more failed excuses and then THAT face*

And like, that's a bit inappropriate in any case but pre-plot twist you're like WTAF. And then you're like eh makes sense for frustrated employees to pity their bitchy boss' seemingly calm husband...

And there's that set-up from before. Job well done, film.

And then their argument about the money. Brendan being confused about the amount, Mandy saying she'll come back and speak to his mother about it...

Seriously though what if he'd found out the voicemail after he'd had sex and before the "confrontation"? Would he like, have sent her on her merry way with all the money and then had more sex with the actual call girl?

And then his instinct, to try and make sure his mother won't find out, is to fucking threaten the woman with a knife. Wow, a little too much, Brendan. And then his first instinct, when they're fighting, is to search and grab the knife and fucking stab her. Lbr though that's just baby Colin finding his call for playing messed-up characters.

Also how did she die so quickly. Guess I found one weakness in the plot XD

And now you're like Jesus he just murdered her but when Barbara comes a-knocking and he looks at her and exasperatedly calls her name, you're like... same, bro.

And the stupid bastard didn't even wash the blood off his arm. Like seriously, Brendan, either do a murder correctly or don't do it at all. At least you can't say he wasn't dedicated, bro sliced his own arm open. *pats head* you'll learn, my little murderous bean, you'll learn.

Brendan: I was doing the dishes. Barbara: Did your parents leave them for you to do? They must have left in a rush this morning.

Yes, Barbara, he can do the dishes, he's in an undetermined age between late teens and-

Barbara: They didn't even make their bed.

Wtf you nosy bitch.

See what I'm saying? Full character development for a character with like, two minutes of screentime.

And then the voicemail drops like an anvil. My first thought when his mother said that Mandy is nothing but trouble I was like "Yo look who's talking" but then I thought that... yeah she did creep in her boss' bedroom, actually had sex with her son in it, then pretty much talked dirt to him about her... I mean she definitely didn't deserve to die, but maybe his mother was a good judge of character for one (1) moment.

And then Lorraine appears.

And Brendan's like "Now I have money for like, three hours with her. Maybe I'll even convince her to help me hide the body too."

“OR MAYBE I’LL JUST KILL HER TOO.”

In conlusion, yup, I’m pretty glad I spent a good hour and a bit watching, analyzing, writing this review and screencapping this film. 10/10 would rewatch and review again.

#Colin O'Donoghue #/#//#///#////#Call Girl

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bonesgadh · 6 years ago

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My opinion on what the future may hold for Gendrya (or a shipper’s desperate rant).

This is a very long post. It basically consists of me analizing evidence that points to Arya and Gendry being endgame. The reason why I decided to write this is because I want to give hope to some Gendrya shippers out there who were left pretty devastated after what happened on Sunday. Of course I can’t know for sure if all this shit will mean anything in the end, for all I know the failed proposal was Gendrya’s last scene and we are facing a bigger heartbreak. Still I wanted to share with you the reasons why I’m feeling optimistic and I really hope I can make you feel optimistic as well. Please forgive any grammar/spelling mistakes because, although I do my best, english is not my first language :)

First, some shout-outs:

To @chocolatecarstairs for this wonderful post that points out how Arya and Gendry are pretty much redoing their story. You gave me the idea to write this :)

To @captainfangirlll for reminding me we still haven’t seen Gendry addressing Arya’s scars. I had forgotten that very important detail.

To @miladyaryastark for proving nothing is more effective than a fan with a quest and providing evidence that the show will go back to Storm’s End at some point.

To every fan who has mentioned how this recent turn of events is basically a live action version of “My Featherbed”, especially @ladywolfandbastardbull and @forehead451 for these two wonderful analysis.

Last but not least to my mom™ for ranting with me every day of this damn week. Love you mom :)

Okay, let’s begin:

The “I reject you not because I don’t love you, but because I’m not ready to be with you” scene

I was born in the Bones fandom. Those of you who have followed me since I first got into this hellfire of a website know it. Temperance Brennan is my life guru and there’s no show, book or movie that has taught me more about love and life than Bones.

When the now infamous episode 4 aired I saw a striking similitude between the Gendrya scene and a scene from the 100th episode of Bones. I don’t know if you have ever seen the show but the main couple are Booth & Brennan. He has been in love with her for a while and on that episode he finally makes his move and tells her he wants to give their relationship a shot. Brennan rejects him but you can tell she is suffering because she also has feelings for him, although she doesn’t want to risk ruining their relationship and she doesn’t want to take a leap of faith because her life is basically shit and she has been burnt before. Eventually and after some angst —him getting into a relationship with someone else, jealous Brennan— she realizes she loves him too and decides to give her relationship with Booth a shot and they have a baby and get married —although she said she would never do it— and they live happily ever after.

The Gendrya scene follows a very similar path. There’s an undeniable attraction between Arya and Gendry, an attraction that is years in the making. Although Arya was the first one to make her move with the whole “we are probably going to die” line, you could say them having sex only happened because it was an extreme situation and because of the threat of imminent death. Now that they have left that behind Gendry makes his move and confesses his love to Arya *sobs*, only to be rejected by her in a kind but still very sad way, and his heart clearly shatters in a million pieces.

I’m gonna take a risk here and say I know Arya pretty well —I identify with her a lot, actually—, and I’m certain one of the reasons behind her rejection is her fear of giving her heart to Gendry only to lose him as she has lost everything she has ever loved. Every person who has suffered loss, especially catastrophic loss develops a fear of attachment because they know firsthand that nothing lasts forever, and they are scared of being hurt again. Like they said in Grey’s Anatomy (back when it was good): “Fears means you have something to lose”; it was obvious Arya was terrified during the Battle of Winterfell and there were also traces of fear in her face as Gendry word-vomited his feelings for her. This has been said a lot in other posts so it might come across as repetitive, but Arya has lost so much and she is not willing to lose anything else (ironically by rejecting Gendry she is “losing him”, but at least she believes he still has a chance of finding happiness with another woman like @apiratecalledav mentions here. Selflessness with a bit of the good ole self destruction).

Still, I firmly believe Arya will recapacitate and something will happen that will make her realize what she feels for Gendry is worth fighting for. My guess is it’ll have something to do with The Hound (you can read my theory below), and whatever happens will show her that it’s okay to be scared of loss, but that life is better when you are with those you love, even if it’s just for a little while. When she comes to this realization she will feel comfortable enough to let Gendry know how she really feels about him, how afraid she is of losing him again and how she is willing to fight her own demons in order to find peace and happiness with him, something that is long overdue (just like it happens on Bones. Seriously, you should watch it if you haven’t already. It’s full of life lessons).

Arya’s final lesson

I already wrote this in another post, you can read it here. The Hound will be crucial for our ship to stay alive.

Arya’s issue with letting go/Being “torn”

When Gendry tells Arya she is beautiful and that he loves her, her face is a very interesting mix of surprise, fear and awe. She is clearly so overwhelmed with what he just said that she can’t bring herself to say a word, because he literally took her breath away with his kiss. It’s quite an unusual reaction on Arya’s part as she always seems to be so calm and prepared for anything, which says a lot of how much Gendry’s lovely speech caught her off guard. I can’t help but wonder what she would’ve said if he hadn’t proposed, if his speech had ended with “None of it will be worth anything if you are not with me”.

One of Arya’s main traits is her issue with letting go. She can’t let go of her desire of returning to Winterfell, she can’t let go of Needle when Jaqen asks her to, she can’t let go of her identity as Arya Stark, she can’t let go of her list and her thirst of revenge even though she defeated the personification of death and a man gave his life for her to live. But if there’s one thing Arya hasn’t been able to let go as well is her feelings for Gendry. Maisie said it herself, the moment Arya reconnects with him she can’t help but remember the girl she used to be and how she was so in love with Gendry she was willing to follow him to the end of the world. Back in seasons 2 and 3 Arya was still a girl who wanted to be with Gendry but his mind was clearly set on something else. Now it’s the other way around, Gendry is head over heels in love with Arya but her mind is set on something else.

Now that Arya’s old feelings for Gendry have risen to the surface, my guess is they will be addressed on the next two episodes because his proposal clearly shook her to her foundations. She will be torn —as Maisie said she would— between her thirst for revenge and her desire of being with Gendry and fulfilling a dream she had when she was thirteen years old. This will obviously be very hard for her because her list is what kept her alive all those years she spent away from home, it’s like giving up your lifesaver because you are ready to learn how to swim. And I want my girl to give that step, to chose life (yes I know you are tired of reading that expression everywhere but I can’t think of a better way to describe her options).

The three acts

This fucking show loves foreshadowing and mirroring scenes. Thanks to @chocolatecarstairs amazing post I noticed we have seen Gendrya complete two full cycles.

Cycle #1

Arya and Gendry meet in King’s Landing.

Gendry defends Arya from Hot Pie.

Arya tells Gendry about her real identity.

Arya shows traces of being attracted to Gendry.

Arya asks Gendry to go with her to Winterfell and says she can be his family.

Gendry refuses her proposal in a very gentile way because he believes his fate to be somewhere else, and because he isn’t drawn to serving others forever.

Gendry leaves (unintentionally but still) and she goes with The Hound to Winterfell.

End of the first act.

Cycle #2

Arya and Gendry meet again in Winterfell.

Arya defends Gendry from The Hound.

Gendry tells Arya about his real identity.

Gendry shows traces of being attracted to Arya.

Gendry asks Arya to marry him and to be the Lady of Storm’s End.

Arya refuses his proposal in a very gentile way because (we assume) she believes her fate to be somewhere else, and because she isn’t drawn to the life he is offering her as a lord.

Arya leaves and she goes with The Hound to King’s Landing.

End of the second act.

At this point they are pretty much even. Now some people would take this as proof they have come full circle and that their story is over, but I disagree. Cycle #3 is still yet to unfold and I’m betting a large sum of money they will repeat the process one last time. If my analysis of @chocolatecarstairs analysis (Lol) is correct, my guess is their story is following the A-B-A structure.

They meet in King’s Landing (his birthplace)—they see each other again in Winterfell (her birthplace) —therefore they will reunite in King’s Landing (back to his birthplace and where their relationship began).

She is shown to be attracted to him—he is shown to be attracted to her—she will be shown to be attracted to him (although they kind of already showed that but work with me).

She told him she loved him (or that’s how I interpret the “I can be your family” quote)—he told her he loved her—now she will be the one to tell him she loves him.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome, right? Well, if they actually want to be together, they will need to do something to disrupt the pattern (something Bones also taught me). Now, how will they do it?

Let’s play attention to this scene that has already been referenced:

She asks him to come with her to Winterfell but he refuses—He asks her to come with him to Storm’s End but she refuses—?

AHA! Here’s where the pattern will break!

My guess is the key is in the final moment that will be mirrored:

“Last time you saw me you wanted me to come to Winterfell. Took the long road, but…”

(I don’t know if he says “road” or something that sounds very similar. If I’m wrong feel free to correct me).

Thanks to @miladyaryastark’s post I learned they filmed some stuff in the Cushendun Caves, which was used as location for Storm’s End back in season 2. It was actually the last known location for season 8 although I don’t think we have any idea who filmed there (logic points to Joe because Gendry is the new Lord but who knows?) Anyway, let’s suspend reality for a second and suppose both Joe and Maisie filmed there. I would love a callback to Gendry’s quote but this time Arya is the one who delivers it:

“Last time you saw me you wanted me to come to Storm’s End. Took the long road, but…”

And this is how this scene would bring an end to the third act of their story:

Gendry leaves Arya—Gendry returns to her—Arya leaves Gendry—Arya returns to him.

It would even be a different structurem from A-B-A to A-B-A-B.

Full circle.

I would die if a scene like that makes it to the finale.

The symbolism of Arya’s target practice

We have seen Arya practicing her archery and being interrupted by Gendry twice now. First time in episode 2 and then in episode 4. My mom™ says both scenes are extremely symbolic and perfectly represent their relationship. Let me elaborate:

Arya’s archery practice is meant to represent her goal of killing Cersei. Why? Because when you are practicing archery you are basically aiming for a target. You need to concentrate in order to hit it, and a little distraction can cause you to miss. Arya’s main desire is to kill Cersei, she is her target. That’s why she looks so concentrated as she shoots and why she pretty much hides to practice, she is not willing to let anything or anyone distract her from her objective. She kills the Night King and instead of celebrating with the others, she chooses to go back to focus on her target instead. The Long Night was a distraction, but now she’s ready to return to her goal.

Along comes Gendry.

As I just mentioned, the first time he interrupts her is in episode 2 when he delivers her weapon. She makes a pause in her practice (a.k.a. her mission) to talk to him and, you know, ride him. The second time happens in episode 4, when Gendry literally comes between her and her target and she almost pierces his head with an arrow. This time she also makes a pause to listen to what he is saying to her, she even puts down the bow for a moment as she kisses him. After she rejects his proposal she goes back to shooting arrows, which symbolizes her returning to her target.

What can we conclude from this? That Gendry is the only one who can literally make her turn away from her target (wow I’m using the world “literally” too much). He can get her to forget about her objective, even if it’s only for a little while. He is her distraction, and I believe he will be the reason why she won’t be the one to kill Cersei.

Arya’s scars

Another thing my mom™ pointed out regarding Arya’s scars (thanks @captainfangirlll for reminding us the director said they will be important) is the fact that no one else besides Gendry has seen them. She noticed this, which probably caught her off guard because he is the first person she shows them to. You look at Arya and the first thing that catches your eye is her cold demeanor and seemingly overconfident attitude, you would never imagine her body is full of scars that remind her all the time someone tried to kill her and almost succeeds. Her scars represent her vulnerability, that she can be hurt, that’s why she hasn’t shown them to anybody. But Gendry saw them. The moment she catches him staring at them she demands him to take his pants off. She doesn’t want him to stare because that gives him an intel of how vulnerable she really is, and she doesn’t like that. He literally saw her scars which is very symbolic. I don’t think anyone has seen her that naked since she was a baby tbh.

The live action version of “My Featherbed”

I don’t have much to say about this because other fans have made a much better job than me (@ladywolfandbastardbull and @forehead451 for example). What I can say is I’m certain the lyrics of the song will play an important part :)

I honestly have no idea how Gendrya will end the show. Will they marry? I have no idea. Will Gendry give up his newfound fame and fortune to sail west of Westeros with her? Probably. Will Arya realize she doesn’t have to be a traditional lady and that Gendry would never ask her to be something she is not? Hopefully. Will Gendry be crowned King and Arya will go back to Winterfell, never to see each other again? God, I hope not.

But what I believe, in my heart, is that they will be endgame. How? If only I knew. Maisie said Arya’s arc this season revolves around her regaining her humanity and finding herself after years of misery. Joe said Gendry’s arc is very tightly linked to Arya’s. They brought Gendry back to make a statement, for us to see a side of Arya we hadn’t really seen before. For her to remember the person she used to be and the one she could still be. Remember this until May 19th. Don’t give into despair. For the love of God, get the fuck away from reddit and spoilers. Trust in the story they have told us since season 1.

Feel free to share your opinions with me. I only ask you, for the love of all that is holy, to NOT post spoilers or pseudo leaks. I don’t want to know and there are others who don’t want to know either. Please respect our decision :)

*Don’t Stop Believing plays in the background*

#gendrya #gendrya positivity #arya stark #gendry baratheon #arya x gendry #gendry x arya #wow this ended up being a fucking letter #my featherbed #I'm sorry it took me so damn long #I hope you enjoy it #shit it's 4 am #I should really go get some sleep #meta

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killian-whump · 6 years ago

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How would you arrange Collin's movies' whumpiness from highest to lowest?

Oh, this has been sitting in my inbox for awhile now, Nonny! Sorry about that! But this is a great question, so hopefully the answer is worth waiting for? Maybe? No? Probably not, but I’ll try XD

Now please keep in mind, this is only MY personal opinion on where these roles would fall, ranking-wise. A lot of Colin’s work has some borderline whumpy elements to it (angst, fear, drunkenness, suicidal behavior, etc) that may tip each film upwards or downwards on others’ lists. These are just where they land for me, personally. Your mileage may vary ;)

OKAY! Colin’s roles, Whumpiest to Least Whumpiest!

Captain Hook, Once Upon a TimeThis one takes the top billing, for containing both the most extreme (and highest quality) whump in 5x13 and 5x14, as well as boasting the most plentiful whump throughout the rest of the six seasons Colin’s in the show. There’s a reason why Captain Floor is a thing, and that reason is because Hook gets laid out on the ground like it’s going out of fashion. Bless him, the writers, the directors, and the show itself for so many gifts

Conor Elliott, The ClinicMost of Colin’s work on The Clinic is better known for its sheer adorableness and the bean-sprouty goodness and cancer-curing qualities of Conor Elliott’s precious smile. However, in the first season that Colin was on the show, Conor set himself on fire in his therapist’s office - which led to some rather extensive pain faces and hysterics on the floor of said office as he was tended to by paramedics. He’s then carried out in a wheelchair, obviously sedated, and is later seen multiple times in a hospital bed - even sporting an oxygen mask in one shot. He continues to be seen with bandages on his arm for multiple episodes, and a scar from the event can even be spotted on Conor’s arm two whole seasons later. Now there’s something you don’t see everyday.

Mark, Storage 24This is one of Colin’s films that is damn hard to quantify the whump in. For starters, we have a solid punch to the kisser, complete with some blood. There’s also a scene in the beginning where his friend knocks him over and lands on his nuts (cue pain face). Both scenes are solid, whump-wise - but for me, it’s the extreme fear and panic Mark exhibits throughout the entire film that brings it as high on this list as it is. It is SO much fun to watch him scramble through air vents, terrified that a giant alien monster is going to burst through and eat him alive at any moment. And Colin does such a brilliant job of relaying that fear. Even when he’s not being hurt, you feel like he’s in dire peril… and that makes this entire film feel extremely whumpy to me. At any rate, we also have the fact that the end of the film sees Mark [SPOILER ALERT] get his face chewed on rather graphically, and we’re right back to not knowing what to do with this film. How dare that thing touch such a beautiful face.

Peter, What Still RemainsThis post-apocalyptic film brings us a grievous bear trap injury in the first half that leaves Peter limping and wincing throughout the whole rest of the film. There’s really no cinematic reason for the injury, either, which leaves a lot of us wondering if the director cottoned on to the fact that Colin has a lot of whump-loving fans and was like, “How do you feel about bear traps?” What The Rite gave us all in angsty rain shots, this film gives us in winces and limping. He also gets [SPOILER ALERT!] stabbed and dies at the end.

Ben, The EuthanizerThis short film opens with a lengthy sequence of Ben trying to hang himself and lacking the go-ahead to take that final leap (if you will). Very angsty, with some noose action and wincing and frustration. Ben then hires the eponymous “Euthanizer” to help him finish the job - resulting in more noose hijinks, some crying, a hand-gagging, some desperation, a bit of a wrassle on the floor, and some great moments where Ben’s got the muzzle of a gun pressed into his face. Jazz… nice.

Michael Kovak, The RiteDespite this being a “horror” film, there’s not as much whump in it as you might expect. And while there is an impressive-looking list of maladies in the film, they all suffer from being a bit too brief and a bit too dark to truly enjoy. That said, Michael does get choked twice, wakes up in a cold sweat from a nightmare, cries and angsts when his father dies, and gets attacked in the ending climax. That scene sees Anthony Hopkins getting in his face, mocking him, throwing him across a room, getting in his face again, and even briefly possessing him - but it all feels even darker and briefer than the earlier whump.

Brennan, The Dust StormSo much of the whump in Colin’s roles is subjective, that it’s hard to even quantify it for this list. For example, if one considers the vulnerability of extreme inebriation to be whumpy, they’re likely to feel this movie deserves a much higher place on this list - whereas those who don’t find that kind of thing whumpy at all might object to this film being as high on this list as it is. C’est la vie. Drunkenness aside, however, this film does feature a solid punch to the face, a voluntary cigarette burn, loads of romantic angst, some vomiting… and did I mention the extreme inebriation? He even passes out in a church.

Brendan, Call GirlAnother short film, and also one of the earliest film roles our Col ever did :) This one’s got some very brief fisticuffs that result in Brendan [SPOILER ALERT] accidentally killing a young woman. Obviously, some angst ensues… and he ends up slicing into his forearm with a kitchen knife to cover the crime.

Professor Harrison, Carrie PilbyOn top of housing one of Colin’s least-liked characters (by design ;)), this film also only has one very solid punch right to the nose (with blood!) for us whumpers to enjoy.

Duke Phillip of Bavaria, The TudorsIt’s not real whump… but Phillip does pretend that Princess Mary has stepped on his foot during their dance and quite melodramatically winces and stomp-limps off the dancefloor, before revealing it was all a ruse to get her alone for a smooch. Nice one, Duke Phillip. We’d follow those pain faces off into a dark corner any day.

Peter, Love Is the DrugHe gets punched in this one (when does he not?), but it’s off-screen. He’s also drunk (again) and ends up passed out on the street, having puked all over himself. Oops? Well, it’s whump. Sort of. Oh, I think his buzzcut might also count as whump, depending on who you ask XD

Jamie, Proof 2Colin’s appearance in this is very brief, but he still manages to get grabbed by the collar and manhandled a tiny bit, regardless :)

Nameless Florist, The WordsThere’s no whump at all in this one, although Colin does appear adorably embarrassed when he knocks dirt all over the counter in the florist’s shop. Aww. There’s also some angst in bed and he takes a bath - and I don’t want to live in a world where that doesn’t count for something.

Security Guard, Wild DecembersThere’s no whump in this at all, unless you count giving him the lines, “It’s tough, it’s tough” to a woman whose lover has just been gunned down in front of her a form of whump. Some of us do. I mean, that’s awful dialogue.

Rowe, Rebel HeartThere’s no whump in this at all, but he does look extra cute. It’s also the very first time Colin appeared on film (that we know of). Bless.

Douxie, TrollhuntersWe only hear Colin’s voice here, and there’s no whump whatsoever. His character might return later in the series, though! Maybe someone will punch him then XD

Honorable Mention: JJ SneedThis isn’t even out yet, but I feel the need to mention it, since it’s likely to land VERY high on this list. JJ is the recipient of not one but TWO separate gunshot wounds in the song this Heartstrings episode is based on - one that lays him up badly enough to be nursed back to health by the protagonist, and the other that results in his death by that same woman’s hand. If that doesn’t sound like a role destined for the Top Three of this list, I don’t know what would!

#colin o'donoghue #whump #retrospective #oc #anonymous #kw ask box

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auraisereigh · 3 days ago

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"A dive into the past"

chapter nine

Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader Blurb: Star explains a piece of her magic while passing time waiting for e certain someone. wc: 3.9k ☆ SPOILERS FOR THE EMPYREAN SERIES. Not much really. Star's thoughts get their own warning? Uses pronouns: she/her. i use Star as a nickname as y/n sounds weird, and i'm awful with names.

Masterlist ☆ Dragon guide ☆ Star's story ☆ Empyrean guide ☆ Support me

After a lot of back forth with House Lindell today would finally be the day I'd see my brother again. Almost two months after I came back home I finally get to bring him home.

I didn't sleep much, I kept tossing and turning, filled with nervous energy. Wondering what state he'd be in, we might have been separated for only two months but those two months have been long and difficult.

Since I couldn't sleep I spend the night cleaning Xaden's room, tidying it up, making sure everything he could possibly need would be there. I refreshed his sheets which gained me some glares from the early staff because of the noise. I also gave him new and extra pillows.

In the morning I almost bumped into Brennan. Despite that our... Issues had been resolved, I didn't necessarily go look for him to spend my time. He still leaves meals for me with notes and what I heard from Felix he still doesn't spend much time outside his room. I visited him in the beginning of the week with some books I thought he might like but he didn't look too happy about them.

It fueled me with insecurity for some reason. I wanted to do something nice but I'm not sure that that is how it came over to him. An insecurity I still feel right now, as he literally sits Infront of me in the mess hall.

It's mostly empty, lunch ended an hour ago. I've been restless for the whole day. Waiting for Xaden to arrive. Aethan promised he would come and get me when he arrived but that was hours ago.

Brennan looks up from the paper I slid under his nose. His brows furrowed in confusion. "Please, enlighten me, what am I looking at?" His sarcastic voice asks. He knows I'm nervous and restless, he handles it well compared to other people. "A paper?" I cringe at my own words. "Your serious." He deadpans. "What are the symbols?" He asks, his voice a little softer now.

"They're runes." I state matter of factly. "They're runes on a paper." He looks at me as if I just told him his dragon spits water instead of fire. "Runes?" He asks with raised brows "You don't know what runes are? Did precious mom keep that from you too?" I taunt slightly, which earns me a glare.

"No, I do know what they are but they are forbidden." He explains softly. "I know they are." I say a little bitter. From all the provinces, Tyrrendor suffered the most after unification. We lost our language and our culture.

"Then why write them down? You're not allowed to use them and you can't use them." There's is curiosity in his voice. "Not allowed and not being able to are two different things." I correct.

"Yes, I know that but you can't use it. You're not a dragon rider. You don't have magic." I scoff at that. Dad was right, riders are truly pricks. Their ego bigger than their dragon. "And you think you dragon riders are the only ones with magic?" I challenge with a raised brow. "Yes, there is no other way except channelling from the ground and you look pretty sane to me." For the love of the lord.

I let my eyes glow their soft red hue. It's always a thrill to show people who think they're the only ones in power that they're not. It's so much fun.

His eyes widen slightly and he opens his mouth to say something but he quickly closes it.

I blink and now eyes are back to normal. I give him a moment to process before I answer what seems to be everyone's first question. "I was born with it. No one knows where it came from as both my parents didn't carry magic nor did their ancestors." He nods slowly. "I thought you would have had at least an idea that I had something as I used it a few times when we were stuck in that cave, hiding from everyone." I continue on.

"I don't remember much for then seeing as I had come back from the dead." He says sarcastic. Fair enough. What do I know about coming back from the dead.

"What can you do with it?" He asks, motioning to my eyes that were glowing earlier. I tilt my head, it's a good question but I don't even know where to start. "It's...complicated. We never found the limits. My dad told me the first time it showed was when I was four, it was harmless. From there on it showed more and more. When I was seven colonel Mairi started teaching me runes, in the hopes that could control it somehow, she had put this rune on a necklace to keep my magic contained. When I was seventeen I lost it near the cliffs of Dralor." I start, giving him a piece of past behind it, by far not everything.

"When you're a teenager you get to that age where you just wanna discover yourself right?" He nods. "Well, I took the necklace off many times. I'd be in the woods or near the cliffs of Dralor, trying things out. I devoured the library for books that could help, I tried everything in my reach." I continue.

"And? What did you find?" He asks with a curious tone. "If I'm correct, which I'm not sure of I am. My magic comes from a source in nature or nature itself. The possibilities so far have been endless. Moving things, making shields like wards, enhanced senses. Those seem to be the most common. But with the right idea a lot more is possible. It's just...unknown. Which is scary." I finish. I left out the parts of being able to read minds. But for the sake of not freaking him out more that might be smart.

He nods again, his eyes focused on mine. He looks like he's prossessing the information. "And of course the red glowing eyes and the magic itself looks pretty amazing." I say trying to lighten the topic. He laughs softly, leaning back as he looks at me with those adoring eyes.

We stare at each other for a moment. He looks like he has a million questions, which, fair. He opens his mouth but quickly shuts it and tenses. I frown and look behind me to see Ulices walk over us.

He looks directly at me, basically ignoring Brennan's presence. My frown deepens. "Lieutenant colonel." He addresses me. Oh, that sounds weird. I shudder. I'm never gonna get used to that. "You're needed in the assembly." He says curtly. My mind instantly goes to the worst case scenarios. "Excuse me." I tell Brennan hazy. He give me a small smile but I can see the tenseness in it.

I stand up and follow Ulices. My mind spins. What if Xaden is not coming? What If House Lindell changed their mind last minute. What if they sold us out to Navarre? Will they hurt Xaden? Or worse?

My mind continues to spiral as I follow Ulices. We turn the hall to the assembly room where almost every member except for Aethan waits.

Huh?

I stop once I reach them. My brows furrow in confusion as I stare at them, waiting for an explanation. Trissa clears her throat. "Aethan is waiting for you inside." She says as she gestures to the closed door.

Nervousness and nausea coils deep in my stomach as I make my way to the door. I push on the large door handle, opening it so I fit through. I close it behind me.

Aethan leans against the table, the stress is visible on his face, which only worsens mine.

I swear I'm gonna throw up.

I open my mouth, wanting to ask him what's going on when another voice cuts me off before I can even say something.

"Hey, little sister." My heart stops and I freeze. I haven't heard that voice in more than two months.

I slowly turn around, my whole body trembling. My younger brother, leaning against our father's throne.

"Xaden." I breathe.

☆

Taglist: @honethatty12 @smashee0789 @awkardnerd @randomperson1234sblog @bangtanxberm @hyperactive-bookworm-0

#brennan x star #brennan sorrengail x reader #xaden riorson x reader #the empyrean #fourth wing #iron flame #onyx storm #mira sorrengail #violet sorrengail #brennan sorrengail #fen riorson #garrick tavis x reader #bodhi durran #liam mairi #bodhi durran x reader #emprean story

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jq37 · 3 years ago

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what's wild to me is siobhan thompson saying "absolutely not, Aelwyn is irredeemable" in some Adventuring Party episode where brennan asked if there was ever a chance the sisters could make up, before he had developed season 2 yet...

and then how the situation blossomed in season 2 like Oh this is also a child who was messed up by awful parents. idk you asked for Aelwyn asks I found this interesting what do you think?

Ohhhhhhh man, you really hit on a sweet spot for me re: Aelwyn. I love talking about this.

From literally the first scene of the first episode of Fantasy High when you meet Adaine and Aelwyn, I was dead, dead, dead certain that Aelwyn was at the same time a glorious bitch and a victim of her parents who was poised for redemption. I did not read it any other way. If you go in my archives, way back in 2018 I was already answering asks with basically drabbles about a potential Aelwyn redemption arc.

I can't even tell you what the specific detail about it was. Maybe just the vibes? Wishful thinking? But I dunno man, all the ingredients were there. I was so sure it was gonna come back in a big way. There was truly no doubt in my mind that Brennan was setting her up for a redemption arc if Adaine was receptive.

And I think Siobhan is a fantastic RP-er. I love her characters so much and I think she's so funny and she solves a lot of plot problems cause she's so smart.

AND YET, in that AP w/ Brennan she was like, "Absolutely not. 1000 years dungeon for Aelwyn."

And I remember watching that like, am I crazy or is she just so lost in the sauce of being Adaine that she genuinely doesn't see this path for redemption? Because I have done that lol. I have been RPing really hard and missed a big and obvious in hindsight thing.

But yeah man, I was 100% sure that that was Brennan's plan from the start because it pinged my narrative senses so hard and then it was literally exactly what I was hoping for and more.

The episode where Adaine gets caught in Falinel and sees Aelwyn and all her hate drains away because Aelwyn is so entirely broken and Adaine is forced to see her not as this big bad mythic bitch but as her sad, abused, older sister? God, that hit me so hard. Cause it hit *Adaine* so hard. She did a 180 so quickly.

Or after they rescue her and Aelwyn in her sleep with several points of exhaustion and no spell slots is instinctively trying to cast a protective ward around Adaine? Because that's who she really is. An abjuration specialist. A protector. Her parents raised her in such away that that trait was twisted around and turned to just self protection, but it's there. With everything else stripped away, it remained.

And then at the end when she hits Aelwyn with that, "Would you be my big sister?" line? I *still* am a mess when I think about it.

But here's what gets me the most. When Adaine triggers the switch in Aelwyn's brain, it reverts her back to her past self--right after the events of the big party/fight at Ost's house. She soon escapes and meets back up with her parents and the next time Adaine sees her is in the nightmare forest. Anguin tries to get Aelwyn to ransack Adaine's mind (which she can't bring herself to fully do) and then when he tries to mindbreak her, she stops him, drawing an attack that puts her into death saves. Before that she tries to dissuade her dad from hurting Adaine. "She's a baby!" Full protective big sister.

And this was Aelwyn WITH HER PAST MIND. This was Aelwyn right after she fought Adaine on the roof. From her POV, it's only been a couple of days since that happened and she was STILL willing to take a bullet from her father for Adaine. That means that, even in season 1, that's the person she was. Which is what I thought all along.

So, lol, yeah. I think that was a very funny thing that Siobhan said and I love her as a PC but I did not agree at all.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #aelwyn abernant #adaine abernant #asks #obamaphoner #ty for giving me an excuse to go off about this #and ty for the others who sent me aelwyn asks #I will answer them asap!

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theliberaltony · 6 years ago

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via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

George W. Bush was president when I first started covering national politics. He had come into office with barely any support from black voters. He won re-election with almost as little. But Bush still paid some heed to the interests of black Americans. When then-Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott praised the pro-segregation 1948 presidential campaign of Strom Thurmond, for example, Bush slammed Lott, helping lead to his removal as majority leader. Bush also appointed Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice, two African-Americans whose views on racial issues were not particularly conservative, to top posts in the administration.

It’s not as though the Bush administration pushed a lot of legislation that African-Americans were excited about, and at times, it even seemed actively apathetic about the black community. But at least the president and his party didn’t seem to have an openly antagonistic relationship with black Americans.

That’s no longer true.

The Republican Party has struggled to get significant support from black voters for decades. What’s different now is that many GOP officials seem to have stopped trying to speak to them, no longer paying even minimal lip service to their concerns. Changes in both parties’ bases of support have shifted the incentives for elected Republicans, and you can see that in their rhetoric.

There’s President Trump, of course. To take just a few examples: He rudely dismissed questions from White House reporter April Ryan, of the American Urban Radio Networks, and two other black female reporters last month. (Bush and Ryan were quite friendly, by contrast.) On the campaign trail, Trump strongly defended Mississippi Sen. Cindy Hyde-Smith, who made a joke about public hangings and has a long record of embracing symbols and figures of the Confederacy. The sole black person in Trump’s cabinet, Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson, has views on racial issues that are quite conservative and unlikely to help the president appeal to black voters.

“What Trump has done is say the quiet parts out loud, without doing much of anything substantial to counter accusations of promoting racial intolerance,” said Ted Johnson, an expert on black voting behavior who works at the Brennan Center for Justice. “And in doing so, he gives license to other Republicans to be unabashed in their racialized appeals.”

Indeed, it’s not just Trump. Georgia’s former Secretary of State, Brian Kemp, who will become the state’s governor in January, aggressively investigated groups trying to register black voters. Trump’s outgoing chief of staff John Kelly praised Confederate General Robert E. Lee last year, and said the Civil War was caused by a “lack of compromise.”. Senate Republican Majority Leader Mitch McConnell pushed hard — and almost successfully — for the chamber to confirm Trump nominee Thomas Farr to a federal judgeship. Farr had been a key defender of a North Carolina voting law that a federal court declared illegal because it was designed to limit the votes of blacks with “surgical precision.”

The Farr nomination led to a public scolding of the GOP by one of its own, South Carolina’s Tim Scott, the only black Republican in the Senate. Scott, who is no moderate,1 effectively blocked Farr’s nomination and blasted his party for even considering him.

“We should stop bringing candidates with questionable track records on race before the full Senate for a vote,” Scott wrote in a letter to the editor that was published in the Wall Street Journal last week.

I don’t want to overstate my case. I’m talking about a somewhat subtle shift that’s hard to measure in a concrete way. The pre-Trump Republican Party often ignored black interests — and was downright racist at times. And the Republican Party in the Trump era has taken a few steps to appeal to blacks, most notably its work with some African-American leaders on a criminal-justice reform bill that would reduce jail sentences for some convicted of drug crimes, a group that is disproportionately black. There are also high-profile Republicans, most notably Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul and Scott, who are trying to build ties with African-American voters.

But more broadly, I would argue that Republicans are making fewer attempts to appeal to black voters and being more openly anti-black at times than a decade ago. And there are clear reasons that explain such a shift.

Let me start with the Republican Party. Bush was very unpopular by the time his presidency ended. After he returned to Texas, conservatives basically disowned his political style and approach Then, during Barack Obama’s presidency, a more anti-establishment wing of the Republican Party, which was more conservative and more openly hostile to black interests, gained strength. Laws that disproportionately affected blacks and made it harder for them to vote were adopted in GOP-controlled states across the country. What’s more, the false claims that Obama was a Muslim or was not born in the U.S. gained political currency on the right. Eventually, of course, a promoter of these “birther” claims, Trump, won the Republican nomination and then the presidency.

And the GOP has found some political success in both 2016 and 2018 by largely eschewing black outreach. Trump, according to the 2016 exit polls, lost to Hillary Clinton among black voters by 81 percentage points, worse than Bush did in 2004 against John Kerry.2 But Trump’s 39-point advantage among whites without college degrees was much larger than Bush’s 23-point margin with that voting bloc. A number of scholars have found whites without college degrees, in particular, have negative attitudes about racial minorities. And what’s more, those attitudes were a key factor in pushing some to back Trump after previously supporting Obama.

I talked to a few Republican strategists about the party’s relationship with blacks. They declined to speak with their names attached, wary of criticizing the sitting Republican president. But they suggested that Trump, as the leading Republican in the country, was pushing the party in a bad direction on racial issues that other GOP officials struggle to resist, in part because GOP voters have embraced Trump’s approach.

“Trump is just very tone-deaf when it comes to racial issues,” said one party strategist. “That inflames his opponents. And that opposition makes Trump’s base even more defensive of him.”

“If I were a GOP strategist I wouldn’t be able to see any issues where I might pick off at least some black voters,” said Lee Drutman, a political scientist at the think tank New America who has written about how the partisan divide in America is increasingly racial. “I’d also see that Trump pulled in a lot of racially conservative whites and think that if there’s nothing I can do to win over black voters, I might as well try to energize racially conservative whites, and try to make somewhat racially conservative whites feel more outraged about political correctness so they don’t vote for Democrats.”

As Drutman said, it’s hard to see how the GOP might win over African-American constituents. The Democrats have shifted since the Bush presidency to become even more aligned with black voters, making GOP appeals to black voters increasingly futile. The Democrats aren’t just the party of black voters, they are now the party that promotes black presidential candidates and black candidates for Congress and governor, even in fairly conservative parts of the country. The Democratic Party included Black Lives Matter activists at the party’s national convention in 2016. Plus, white Democratic voters increasingly embrace liberal ideas on racial issues.

Again, let me not overstate this. There are plenty of liberal African-Americans who say that the Democratic Party often ignores or downplays racism in America. But this past election cycle, Democrats in Georgia nominated a black female candidate for governor — Stacey Abrams, who supported the the removal of the carvings of three Confederate leaders on Georgia’s Stone Mountain and had once participated in the burning of the Georgia state flag, back when the flag’s design intentionally resembled the Confederate battle flag. Both Oprah Winfrey and President Obama, perhaps the two most famous black people in the country, campaigned for her enthusiastically. And liberal donors across the country embraced the cause of electing who would have been the first black female governor in U.S. history.

Meanwhile, Kemp’s record of investigating groups trying to increase black voting was problematic. But I’m not surprised that he did not spend a lot of time in black areas of Atlanta trying to get votes for his gubernatorial campaign. Running against a person with Abrams’s biography, political support and views, he was unlikely to get much black support — and perhaps more importantly, he could win without it.

So we may now be in a downward spiral, where Republicans have almost no reason to appeal to black voters and therefore aren’t. This is probably bad for Republican politicians (some of them don’t want the party to be in constant tension with African-Americans), but it may be bad for blacks as well �� they have become even more tied to one party and are totally shut out of power if it loses.

What could change this? Maybe the 2018 election results.

Republicans really struggled in the suburbs in November. Who lives in suburbs? An increasing number of minorities, but also voters with more liberal views on cultural issues, supporting abortion rights and gay marriage, for example. So a less anti-black GOP would likely have more appeal in the suburbs.

“I know diehard Democrats who voted for Hogan but never would have cast that vote had they seen Hogan as bigoted,” said David Lublin, a government professor at American University who has written extensively on the intersections of politics and race. Maryland Republican Gov. Larry Hogan easily won his re-election bid in traditionally liberal Maryland, in part by avoiding the racial controversies that dogged other Republicans who ran against black candidates.

So you could make a good argument that Republicans should try harder to appeal to black voters — even if it’s just for electoral reasons. But I don’t expect much to change in the short term. Trump is the dominant figure in the Republican Party, so I expect GOP officials to mirror his approach of either largely ignoring or actively irritating black people — even if that posture makes it harder for the GOP to win votes in the suburbs. Meanwhile, the Democrats have a decent chance of nominating a black person for president or vice-president in 2020 — and even a Democratic ticket without any black candidates is likely to embrace liberal stances on racial issues. It’s really hard to see these dynamics shifting with Trump in office — but I’m not sure they will shift even after he is gone.

#IFTTT #Politics – FiveThirtyEight #politics #538 #Perry Bacon Jr.

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explosionofpaper · 7 years ago

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The Philip’s Best Things of the Year 2017 List

“But Philip, it’s March! Why are you doing your best of 2017 list now?” Well that’s because it sometimes takes me a while to get around to things, and hey, at least it isn’t April.

Anyway, I had a pretty good time in 2017. There were some really important changes in my life, some great people and events, and a whole heap of good media.

Presented below are some of my favourite medias of 2017. This is stuff I experienced for the first time in 2017, not necessarily stuff which came out in 2017. Also the things aren’t ordered within their sections.

Books

Strange Practise by Vivian Shaw

This was one of those books which I picked up in Waterstones entirely on a whim, and I’m incredibly happy I did (as should be obvious with it being on this list). It explores one of my favourite concepts, that of how the fantastical actually operates in the real world. The main character, Dr. Greta van Helsing (descendent of the usual van Helsing) is a doctor to the supernatural, and through her presence causes the monsters who make up her clientele to feel much more grounded and real than they would otherwise.

The book also makes really good use of public domain characters, placing them in the world such that they feel they belong there, without their public domain status being the spotlight. Another thing the book does well is conveying emotions; in particular it does a fantastic job of conveying emotional vulnerability without it being a synonym for weakness.

Dune by Frank Herbert

You know what Dune is. I don’t need to explain it.

Dune has been haunting my reading list and bookshelf for an awful long time. Every time I would pick out a new book to read, Dune would be there, waving it’s pages to catch my attention and calling “Hey! It’s me, Dune! I’m a classic of the genre. I’m beloved for good reason. You’re not having read me causes you to miss out on many references, and you’re well aware of this. I can explain to you what the Gom Jabbar is. Read me!” And every time I would glance at Dune, think about how long and revered it is, avoid eye contact, and pretend that I hadn’t heard or seen it.

Well this year I finally put that right. It felt good to finally have it stop taunting me, but it felt even better to actually read it, because it turns out that Dune is really fucking good.

The way that the world is built, the interactions between the characters, the way things grow and develop in the book, all of it is just so damn good. It’s Dune, go read it.

City of Miracles by Robert Jackson Bennett

City of Miracles was a fantastic end to a trilogy which I’ve loved. Tying up the major loose ends, answering the major unanswered questions, and taking the world and themes to a wonderful ending point.

The trilogy as a whole did some really nice stuff with the perspective and pacing. Each book has a different main character (though they’re each always important), and they’re set many years apart, decades even. This results in the world feeling and characters feeling very alive and functional in that they’re doing stuff even if we’re not seeing it. The books focus on the three major Divine events since the Blink (incidentally, I’m a big fan of this type of post-big-event setting), and just lets us know that stuff happened during the time between.

The book also contains a bit I adore, in which exposition is explicitly and dramatically avoided in a way which ties perfectly into the characters in the scene.

The Bands of Mourning by Brandon Sanderson

I’d fallen a bit behind on Cosmere stuff recently, so I spent a bit of this year catching up. They were all good, but The Bands of Mourning really stood out to me as excellent, and some of Sanderson’s best work. Something I loved in particular about this book was the way in which it managed reader emotions. I don’t want away too much, so I’ll just say that the reader’s feelings are directed in such a way that it maximises impact and catharsis, and really elevates the later parts of the book.

The Tropic of Serpents by Marie Brennan

The first of the Lady Trent books was good, but it really came into its own with The Tropic of Serpents. The way that these books approach dragons, from the perspective of a natural historian viewing them in a scientific manner, is incredibly refreshing; it’s so nice to see Dragons actually fitting in a Victorian era (I think, I get all the eras named after monarchs mixed up) world, and the characters treating them like they belong.

Even leaving the dragons aside, the handling of the era is really good. It deals really well with the struggle of science in the face of politics, as well as the struggles of women and the lower class within the scientific communities.

The Brothers Cabal by Jonathan L. Howard

I love the Johannes Cabal books. Cabal is a real bastard, and that makes him a joy to read about. He’s not evil mind you, he’s certainly not a pinnacle of virtue either, but he’s mostly kind of a good guy. Any shitty things he does are in service of a greater goal, but he’s still a bastard. It brings a texture to his internal conflicts which you don’t really see often.

He’s a great character, but having his brother around elevates him even further. The two of them are fantastic comparisons and foils for each other.

The way in which the Cabal books handle the supernatural is also great. It feels functional and integrated into the world, yet still unmistakably outside of the normal.

Kill All Angels by Robert Brockway

Much like City of Miracles, this was a fantastic end to a trilogy.

The Vicious Circle books are fascinating and notable for a variety of reasons: there’s the way in which they keep two timelines going throughout the whole trilogy; there’s the way it showcases cosmic horror on a human level, as well as placing the horror on that level; there’s the way it handles the idea of humanity, and what it means to loose it; and there’s also the way in which it takes the question “Why is Mario Lopez so weird?” and builds it out into one of my favourite horror series.

I rather not say any more about the series, just know that I really recommend it.

Also when I said “Mario Lopez”, I actually meant to say “A character similar to, but legally distinct from Mario Lopez”.

Games

Doki Doki Literature Club

This game hits like a ton of bricks, and good bricks at that. At this point I think that most everyone knows the deal with DDLC, but I’m still going to avoid big spoilers.

DDLC is one of those games which catches you by surprise, and isn’t what you first expect. It’s got a big old twist, shocks the hell out of you at some moments, and does some terrific integration of mental illness into the plot and characters. All of that is done fantastically, but the thing which really makes DDLC stick out to me is just how good the core game itself is.

The first part of DDLC, before stuff hits the wall, is the best dating sim visual novel I’ve played. That’s super important for setting up and enabling the later stuff, but it’s also just great. If Team Salvato announced that they were doing a pure dating sim, I would be well up for that.

West of Loathing

Considering the amount of time I’ve put into Kingdom of Loathing over the years (spoiler: a lot), it’s should be no surprise that I love this game. However I will say that I was a tad surprised with just how much I loved it.

KoL has always been a game driven mostly by it’s writing and concepts, and this game capitalises on both of those. There’s an awful lot of writing in the game, and all of it is good. Everywhere where there can be a joke, there’s a good joke, and everywhere where there isn’t a joke, there’s some damn good writing which would have had its impact lessened by a joke (to be clear: all of the joke writing is also good; I mean just that there’s always a good reason for jokes being absent).

The story the game tells, and the way it does it, are both incredible; and there’s a real elegance to the game’s art style.

Super Mario Odyssey

This game is a true delight. I’m famously bad at sticking it all the way through games, but this one kept hold of me and I finished it in a weekend. Not that I’ve 100%ed it mark you, but I also didn’t exactly rush through the campaign, I took my time, did a bit of sightseeing and all that.

The game’s also kept me coming back. I keep on finding myself popping back in to pick up a few more moons.

It’s just so joyous, so lovely, so utterly delightful. There’s just so much in the game, and it’s all just so good.

Just Dance 2017

Yeah that’s right, Just Dance. I’d never really played Just Dance before this year, but I have now and I love it. It’s just a whole heap of fun to play, and a nice alternative to going for a run if I want to exercise but don’t want to leave the flat.

I specify 2017 because that’s the one I’ve played.

Monument Valley 2

The first Monument Valley is one of my favourite games, so there was a bit of a worry that the sequel wouldn’t live up to my expectations. Thankfully those worries were unfounded, and I’d put MV2 right up there with the first. It plays like the first, but with twists on the mechanics to keep it feeling fresh. Similarly, it explores the same themes, but from a different perspective. The looks are just as stunning as the first, and go even further in many points, really exploring what the graphic style can do.

Ultimately the game is more Monument Valley, and that’s exactly what I wanted it to be.

Linelight

Linelight was a nice little puzzle game with straightforward, easily understood mechanics and a delightful, simple aesthetic. It managed to excel due to the excellence in puzzle design, and the way in which it conveyed ideas and meaning.

Put simply, if Thomas Was Alone didn’t exist, then these would be the strongest emotions a game has made me feel about such simple shapes. This game however didn’t have a narrator, instead it used just the mechanics to make me attached to some of my companion lines, and did so in a sublime way.

TV Shows

Girls’ Last Tour

I’ll be honest with you; I picked up this show because they dab in the OP. It turned out that was actually a good decision, as it led me to one of my all time favourite shows.

Girls’ Last Tour is a slow paced, intimate show. It’s an exploration of the two main characters travelling through a dead world, and just trying to survive. The world feels empty in a way which few other post-apocalypse things manage, mostly due to the fact that there are so few characters. In the 12 episode run, only 2 supporting human characters are encountered, and each is around for only one episode. This means you really get to know the main characters, and to truly see how their time in this dead world is affecting them.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable

It’s no secret that I love Jojo, and Diamond is Unbreakable is without a doubt my favourite part so far.

I loved Stardust Crusaders, but I had several issues with it. Diamond is Unbreakable fixes damn near all of them, and it really feels like Mr JoJo learnt some lessons from SC and applied them here. The characters are great and you really get to know them, the fights are cool and satisfying, and all the Stands feel unique and interesting.

Then there’s the actual presentation of the show, which is absolutely stunning. The unusual colour palette gives the world a whole new depth, and the soundtrack is just incredible. In particular there’s a certain use of a certain theme, which results in one of my all time favourite moments in a tv show.

Cromartie High School

Cromartie’s really damn funny, though it’s hard to put into words exactly why. I think a large part of it is the show’s absolute commitment to inconsistency. It’s committed to the extent that not even the show’s inconsistency is consistent. Things are forgotten, the forgetting is lampshaded, but then some characters will remember things whilst others won’t. Storylines will just stop, but then they might suddenly restart at a later date as if they had been going all along. It’s a show where nothing is ever really forgotten, but nothing is ever really remembered either.

It’s art is what I’m trying to say. Pure art.

My Brother, My Brother and Me

That’s right, this one isn’t an anime. It is a spin-off from a podcast though, so it’s a pretty nice lead in to the next section.

Do you like the MBMBaM podcast? If yes, then you’ll love the show. If no, then there’s a good chance you’ll still love the show. The podcast is used as the basis for it, but it’s built up into something even greater. It’s not just that it has editing and a budget, it also shows us new layers to the relationship between the brothers, and puts them in the real world as opposed to the podcast void which they normally live in. Everything in the show is so funny, and so good. I really do love it.

Podcasts

Wonderful

Wonderful is an aptly named podcast; it’s a true joy to listen to.

In the podcast, husband and wife, Griffin and Rachel Mcelroy, talk about the things they like. That’s the entire premise, and it makes for a truly wonderful podcast because it’s just so positive and sweet and lovely. There are no rules on the kinds of things they talk about, so they could be as general as a genre of film, or as specific as a sequence of notes in a particular song.

This podcast is the second iteration of Rose Buddies, which was a Bachelor fancast, and shares the same podcast feed, so watch out for that if you pick it up. Not that Rose Buddies wasn’t also a great podcast, but it was of a different style. The fact that I picked up Rose Buddies in 2016 does make the podcast’s place on this list a touch more dubious, but I’m the one making up the rules here, so I’m saying it’s fine.

Pretend Friends

This podcast is a delight. It’s an RPG podcast with the Continue? guys, and I have a history of finding them funny, so it makes sense I like this podcast. But what really elevates it is the game that they’re playing, that being Space Kings. Space Kings is notable in several ways, one of those ways being that it isn’t actually out yet. The GM of the podcast is one of the devs of the game, and the podcast is a bit of a beta test for it. That’s a nice novelty, but the thing which is really great about Space Kings is how it’s built around making a good collaborative story and having a laugh, rather than being built around firm mechanics.

It’s a podcast of a bunch of friends trying to make each other laugh, succeeding, and telling a story about a bunch of friends travelling around in space and getting up to some good hijinks. At one point a cat cuts a spaceship in half, at another a mop fires a gun. It’s a good time.

The Worst Idea of All Time

You know how I said that Wonderful’s place on this list was a tad dubious? Well TWIoAT is even more dubious due to the fact that I’ve been listening to it for years. The reason I’ve put it here is that it ended this year. TWIoAT was a fantastic ride the whole way through. If you’ve ever wanted to listen to a pair of skill Kiwi comedians lose their minds over a few years, then this is the show for you. Whilst I’m sad to see it go, I’m happy that the two of them can start the road to recovery now.

Web Shows

Super Beard Bros - Dark Souls 3

Beard Bros is a long time favourite of mine, and I think that this might well be one of their best series. Brett is just such a fantastic addition to the crew, and allows the other two to shift into slightly different roles. All of them are on utterly top form in this series, and it leads to a fantastic atmosphere, and lovely series.

The core of it is how wonderfully positive it is. Alex gets frustrated at times, but never really angry and seems to be having a great time with the game. Brett’s a fantastically encouraging person, and a true delight to listen to. And it’s so nice to get to hear Jirard chilled out, and finally having the time to make the wrap of the day.

Press Buttons ‘n’ Talk - Phoenix Wright 2

I discovered PB’n’T late last last year (2016) with their playthrough of Phoenix Wright 1. From there I worked my way through the rest of their stuff and caught up in PW2, which was a pleasing symmetry.

The channel is always great to watch, but the Phoenix Wright games are where they really excel. The voices given to the characters really bring the games to life, and they’re off high enough quality, and consistently enough applied that they’re now firmly in my head as the cannon voices for the characters. Even Phoenix himself, who’s handed back and forth between the two of them, feels consistent and has a real identity in his voice.

It’s a good series.

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