#breeding thoughts on the brain tonight 💭……….

[melancholyfleurs]

ovulation time is so evil when there isn’t a hot dyke there to fill you up

[the-white-werewolf]

It's been a while since I've been on Tumblr and this is my first time posting or sharing anything here.

Tonight, on a whim, while heating my soup to drink, my AuDHD brain noticed that my nose was runny and was like "Axhsgshzj pfo... Here's a poem about allergies".

Then after sharing it with family and friends my brain came again and whispered to me " There's moooooore 🥴"

I've never been really into poems and this is my first time ever writing or thinking about one.

So yeah here goes nothing...

🤧Allergy season🌸

Spring has sprung 

And allergies have rung

Through my body they coursed 

As my nose remorsed

While seeds of flowers to be

Fly in the sky high to breed

My lungs wish to be free

And my eyes just want to stop their bleed

🌌Night thoughts💭

The night sky falls

And all of my thoughts are stalls

Fighting their way through stars

From earth to mars

Descartes said to think is to be

However this does not define me

For i am a soul yearning

For its brain to be learning

Note : Honestly I am so shocked, i came here to post which was something i never intended to do at all.

I hope this amused you somehow and was a good read even if it doesn't really make sense 😅

Feel free to share thoughts 😊

[velvetporcelain]

brain 🧠 storming

Tonight we went into the store. He was there. It was like I knew exactly where he was and he knew exactly where I was.

What will I do? How will I handle this? He looked right at me. I wanted to rush on him and slap him in the face. A slap so hard the entire store would have sneered.

Not that it was his fault but it was his fucking fault. So many questions running in my head. I will have to let them leave my mouth eventually.

I’m not angry. I’m probably selfishly saddened that my fun is most likely over. I keep convincing myself of ways I can gain perspective from all of this. I am my own science experiment. I am my own mental patient. I am my own observer. Does this mean that the choices I make are going to always be right? Absolutely not. Does it mean that these choices will be impulsive? Well yeah, I mean that’s how we create intuition. And who’s to say that any choice we make ISN’T impulsive by nature? Otherwise we would just be preprogrammed robots. Hmm.

I’m high and my mind is opened. I love when the THC helps me articulate my thoughts. 💭 most days I feel like there is a crowd of things I want to say but they are like trapped behind a locked door. I feel in harmony with my mind, in such a gorgeous way it makes me glow. Literally I can feel myself beaming and reflecting in people’s eyes. They can never look at me for long because it makes them automatically smile and fall under my spell. People feel so comfortable around me. I can get them to tell me everything about them. They feel no judgment, because they can see that I’m listening to them. People notice these things. People can preform these things.

Hannibal Lecter says:

“Do you know what a roller pigeon is, Barney? They climb high and fast, then roll over and fall just as fast toward the earth. There are shallow rollers and deep rollers. You can’t breed two deep rollers, or their young will roll all the way down, hit, and die. Officer Starling is a deep roller, Barney. We should hope one of her parents was not.”

And I remember thinking 💭 “fuck I like this guy” and then I’m like why the fuck am I attracted to such twisted metal?! yes, I said metal. I’ve been studying World War II and why am I always like starry eyed and drooling in thought when I think “damn he is smart” after learning about Hitler? It’s not that I’m settling in a communist, nor genocidal mind. It’s just that I wish to be stimulated in such a way that it is beyond the normal means of being considered “stimulating.” I want shock value in my stimulation and Hitler provides a bloody fucking stream of it. So settle the fuck down okay? 😆✨

It’s important to understand hate in order to understand love. They are two sides that make a complete circle☯️ both opposite and equal reactions of one another. So it’s like yes I have no problems separating myself in order to understand something so unconscionable. I mean it gives me something to think about all day long. I want to be distracted hardcore. Hardcore. Otherwise? I’ll spend the day with my inner monologue acting like my fucking mother when I just want to be me. So this keeps me,me. It stimulates Stephanie and not my past memories.

Memory is a bitch. For the brain does not know it is a memory. The brain thinks that it is happening over again. That is why people with addictions have such a hard time. It’s the memories making them feel how good it felt when they were addicted. And it turns on itself and it says don’t you remember how it made you feel? The manual mind shifting into mental gears to be able to move forward. To be able to remind yourself that it is not really happening it’s just the brain is remembering. Fuck that is incredibly fascinating to me.

I can hear when people are thinking. It’s not that I can actually hear their thoughts, it’s just that people’s bodies are louder when they are thinking. How does anyone not know this? And then I’m like am I doing the whole human thing the wrong way? Like who cares about memories, why do they even fucking replay? HOW DO THEY REPLAY!? It’s like I’m hallucinating inside my own mind and you’re gonna tell me it’s because the neurons firing in our tissue? LOL, what?

My thinking is horizontal. It’s not circular and I don’t ever want it to be. That just means there would be an endless fucking loop I would be stuck on. Why do men refuse to negotiate and choose war? Why? What is any of it ever proving other than it’s a little fucking boys game. They are just living some dream they had growing up. WHY can’t we literally work together in peace? Why aren’t they wise enough to understand and respect differences and the way they live their lives? And I think that is a big reason why I hated Hitler. He was a very insecure man that was ensuring security.

——well, because that’s all any human being wants.

-x