#breaking the cycle of abuse

[justinkirkism]

he’s free

[chillizabeth777]

[soapppp]

CW: mention of assault and heavy abuse.

Except he can’t. She trusted him because he had no face to her, because he asked before grabbing her hand and spoke to her like a person and not some dog or robot. She was scared until he showed her the dead bodies he had already created. He gives in after two days and looks her up only to find that the hospital hadn’t found a name or anything, just calling her Jane Doe. She’s also been heavily sedated after lashing out at every male nurse and doctor who came her way, even some of the women. He doesn’t remember driving to the hospital or putting on a black surgical mask and sunnies, but he does remember a nurse telling him not to enter room 249. He told her he had saved her and wanted to see for himself she was okay. She didn’t believe him which strangely comforted him, making him wait for security to be there in case she reacted badly to him so he could be arrested.

As soon as she sees him she’s jumping out of bed, ripping out several tubes as she goes, and jumping into his arms. He shushes her as best he can, awkward as he holds her steady and sets her back in her bed. The nurse puts the IV back in and the security personnel leave, allowing him to get a rundown on her condition. Her left leg will never be able to fold all the way and her right shoulder is permanently disfigured like her right hand. She sobs to him, telling him she’s scared and that the men were stabbing her and making her go to sleep. He holds her hand as they knock her out for surgery and promises to be there when she wakes.

Ghost makes sure to get the details on what she’ll need as her stomachs heals and then promptly walks her out of the hospital in a wheelchair and goes to one of his safe houses in Exeter. He calls Price and says he’s taking some time off and hangs up when the other asks how long. Him and the girl become odd friends. He teaches her to read, she teaches him to sew, he teaches her to fight, she teaches him to waltz to jazz music. He lets her play music all day despite wanting silence, let’s her try cook a number of different foods and eats it no matter how toxic it may look, he sits by her bed and holds her hand as she comes back from nightmares, he does it all. He feels like he’s doing a performance of a parent but only with the protectiveness and teaching, some care but no true paternal love.

He gives her a name other than Jane, choosing Aliana as it means a second chance. She sobs for hours and doesn’t let go of his hand the entire day.

It’s after four months of raising her to be a human, a true young girl who can make mistakes and doesn’t need to get on her knees for forgiveness, that his team shows up at his house. He knew they had already checked four of them, saw them on the cameras and warned his wayward child they would show up at some point. She makes brownies and cupcakes, scones and cookies for their arrival and puts on a floor length yellow dress with big puffy sleeves they got at a thrift shop as well as a dozen other (frankly quiet ugly) dresses that she wanted.

His team assumes he had a secret daughter to which he says nothing and let Aliana play out her tea party even with her tense shoulders and nervous eyes. She leans against him for comfort and reassurance every now and again and he can’t help the pride and slight pain that bubbles in his chest when she does.

Ghost never wanted kids, never wanted to be his father, but broken people find homes in broken souls.

[babyspacebatclone]

I ask this as someone who still hasn’t been able to devote the time to a full SPoP watch.

How many times do we see Catra separate herself from her primary abuser, Shadow Weaver?

Points where we can look at see her undergoing a process of “This is how I was raised to be, and I am going to choose to do something different.”

And how many of those choices are intended to spite Shadow Weaver, and how many of those choices are “this will be better for either myself or someone I care about.”

Because we see those choices from Adora from when she both chooses to leave the Horde and asks Catra to come with her for a nee life.

We see those choices when Hordak makes actions about not completing/opening the portal of Entrapta and her influence on him.

Hordka chooses to attack Prime in the last episode not for his sake or directly due to an understanding of his own abuse, but to protect someone else because he understands that matters more than what he was conditioned to be.

This is a process, and I don’t want to hold Catra still working on her trauma regarding Shadow Weaver in the finale against that.

But I have a hard time weighting Catra taking over the Horde in Season 4 as more “this is best for me” instead if being primarily motivated as “this will harm the people I am angry with.”

And I want to know how many examples there are if the former, Catra making decisions against her abusing upbringing for her sake instead of furthering more trauma and abuse.

you know, i feel like hordak was on his way to a redemption arc before catra lied to him about entrapta and opened the portal.

not a “repends for his actions, joins the heroes and helps save the day” kind of redemption, but a “decides to stop trying to please his abusive creator with a god complex, and starts a new life with his girlfriend” kind of redemption arc.

he had begun to doubt horde prime's intentions at that point, thanks to entrapta, and he had also begun to learn what true compassion felt like.

the old hordak might have been like catra and opened the portal at any cost. but at that moment, the fact that he tried to stop catra from opening it and demanded to speak to entrapta was proof that he had begun to prioritize himself and entrapta over horde prime.

idk while i don't want an authentic redemption arc for hordak, i would have liked to see where this led, if it wasn't for the whole portal sequence and forced misunderstanding between him and entrapta.

[fosteringinsc]

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: Understanding and Preventing the Cycle

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: Understanding and Preventing the Cycle. The cycle of abuse is a devastating pattern that perpetuates harmful behaviors across generations. It involves a recurring cycle of abuse where individuals who have experienced abuse as children may become abusers themselves as adults. In this blog post, we will delve into the concept of the cycle of abuse, its effects, and…

[thepeacefulgarden]

[arriettyspin]

I don't know why Chad Charming being adopted is considered to be implausible by some. Cinderella, an orphan, choosing to adopt her firstborn to save him from a childhood like her own is the most in-character thing ever.

[nonbinary-odo]

Oh god don't even get me started on 'His Way'.

Fwiw standalone I do actually think the episode is fun, the first time I watched it I was not as aware of the characters involved so I did think it was cute. But I just watched it again a couple weeks ago and my takeaway was simply "he would not fucking say that".

I think if they needed an Odo CompHet episode, I would have much rather seen it with someone Odo would actually be willing to talk to, not a random hologram. I think Garak should have been rizzing him up and tailored him a suit because even tho he can shapeshift, he can't shapeshift Garak's tailoring skills.

That being said I would rather no Odo CompHet at all. They end up making him a bad partner when he leaves her at the end anyway so like what was the point guys????

Reasons Odo is Aro/Ace, brought to you by an Aro/Ace:

He makes excuses why he's not seeking romance. Pushing relationships off as a thing Solids do absolves him from getting bugged about it. For me it was """focusing on my education""".

When the excuses break, he feels forced to act like a ""normal"" person. When he's turned to a Solid, he's reading relationship help books not because he wants one, but because it's expected of him to get around to now that he's a Solid.

Sure, Kira getting with Shakar could be seen as a jealousy or regret of not getting together, but think about what's bugging him in that episode. He sees his best friend every morning and they talk about the reports. This is an important part of his day, he's seeing someone he likes to spend time with. Now she starts sleeping with someone and doesn't show up to the meeting. Friendships, no matter how old, are always placed second to whatever new toy someone has in their bed, no matter how long it lasts. We're forced to mourn being pushed to the side again and again. It's definitely made me want to destroy my whole room.

Odo is Aro/Ace and suffering for it.

[sunlit-mess]

consumed by the inevitable

[little-meowyao]

Hi,

JIN LING IS NOT HOW AN ABUSED CHILD BEHAVES. He sasses at JC and he KNOWS he's all bark no bite. The instances of JC hitting JL in canon are EXCEPTIONAL. If JC hit JL regularly, he would NOT have said "Not even my uncle hits me!" at WWX. That shit STICKS. You are all stupid

[i-am-a-fan]

Ugh. I wanted redson being a parent. Do i have to do everything around here??? /j

[trappedinafantasy37]

There are multiple gods in the game that you can directly interact with and they all have ties to the narrative. You can interact with Shar via Shadowheart. You can interact with Mystra via Gale. You can interact with Myrkul via Ketheric when he takes on the avatar form. You can interact with Bhaal via Durge and in the fight with Orin. You can interact with Bane after killing Gortash and using "Speak with Dead" in which the soul you speak to is not Gortash, but Bane himself. I would include Vlaakith in this list but Vlaakith is not a god, she is a lich presenting herself as a god. And, of course, there is the Absolute which doesn't really become a god until it ascends into the Netherbrain (although that is debatable).

But, did you know that Lolth will also interact with you? As far as I am aware, Lolth is the only non-story related god in which you do have interactions with. One of them is only available if you are a Lolth-sworn drow, and the other is only available if you are a Cleric of Lolth (you do not need to be Lolth-sworn for it).

The first instance is in the goblin camp with the spiders in the pit. This does require that you are a Lolth-sworn drow and that you have the ability to speak with animals. When talking to the spiders, you will have the option to present yourself to the spiders as Lolth herself. If you fail the persuasion check, Lolth gets pissed off as she was listening to you and is not happy that you tried to present yourself as her. And she tells the spiders you are an imposter and they attack you. But if you succeed the check, Lolth doesn't do anything and the spiders will think you are Lolth. So, Lolth doesn't really have a problem with you pretending to be her. But if you are going to pretend to be her, you better do it right. If the spiders think you are Lolth, you can ask them about what's going on in the goblin camp and the spiders only talk about one thing. They immediately tell you that there is another drow in the camp who has forgotten her way and that she is forsaken. And, as I said, Lolth is here. She heard the spiders admit this. Lolth does nothing about it.

The second instance is in the Underdark with the Phalar Aluve. When you interact with the sword, you have two different checks, a Strength check and a Religion check. If you do the Strength check, you can just pull it out of the stone and be on your merry way. If you perform the Religion check, the narrator will tell you different things depending on certain conditions. If you are a Lolth-sworn drow and/or a Cleric of Lolth, the narrator will tell you that the religious rite to pull the blade from the stone is blasphemous as it pays honor to the weak. If you are of any other race and/or cleric of any other god, the narrator will tell you that the sword is of Eilistraee and the rite pays honor to the fallen. The religious rite is that you spill a little bit of your blood and the sword will rise out of the stone on its own. If you do this as a Cleric of Lolth (you don't need to be Lolth-sworn) you will feel hundreds of spiders crawl all over you as Lolth is warning you not to do shit like that ever again. Not only did you perform the religious rite of another god, you performed the religious rite of a god she hates. And she is letting you know how much she hated that.

These are the only two instances in the game that I have found in which Lolth interacts with the player but there are plenty of other moments in which Lolth could interact with you, but doesn't (such as with the Phase Spider, the baby spiders in Grymforge, Kar'niss, or the dead spider in the Gauntlet of Shar). Of these two moments where Lolth does interact with you, one of these instances is in the goblin camp, and the other is in the Underdark not too far away from the goblin camp. I don't think it is much of a coincidence that these two interactions occur in close proximity to Minthara. Almost as if Lolth has a reason to be in that area specifically to watch and monitor things, and you just so happened to be there. And the only things that compel her to interact with you is because you pissed her off. But, as long you don't piss her off, she will do nothing and she will say nothing.

When Minthara was being tortured by the Absolute, she prayed to Lolth and begged Lolth to give her the strength to fight her enemies. But Lolth does nothing and Lolth says nothing. In fact, that was the full extent of Lolth's "punishment" for Minthara, nothing. All Lolth did was not answer Minthara's prayers and not show up when Minthara needed her the most. Lolth did not torture Minthara like the Absolute did, Lolth did not turn her into a drider, nor did Lolth eat her. All she did, was nothing. And yes, Lolth is known for abandoning drow and no longer interacting with them. A drow has to do something incredibly awful in order for Lolth to just back away from them entirely. But you cannot convince me that Lolth is going to let one of her Baenre's go so easily. It's not as if Minthara has done anything truly awful either to make Lolth that mad.

According to Minthara, she herself has sinned against the Spider Queen, but it's not as if she chose to abandon Lolth, she was forced away and mind controlled into being devoted to another god. But would this make a difference to Lolth? Does it really matter if Minthara was compelled to have faith in another god besides Lolth? It isn't until Minthara is freed and feels the absence of Lolth that she chooses to no longer follow Lolth. Minthara even mentions how turning against Lolth is a big no-no in Menzoberranzan. Minthara herself at one point has hunted down and killed those who turn their backs from Lolth so she knows the same will be done to her if she were to ever return home. In fact, if you are a Lolth-sworn drow or a Cleric of Lolth, you are given unique dialogue options with Minthara to kill her because she is a traitor to Lolth and these options continue to show up until you recruit her into your party and she joins your roster. Despite all of this, Lolth does nothing. Minthara spews anti-Lolth rhetoric left and right, and Lolth does nothing. If you take Minthara to the tabernacle, she will spit on a shrine to Lolth, and Lolth does nothing.

Minthara is also able to walk through the Gauntlet of Shar, which is in the Underdark, and Lolth does nothing. Sure, you could argue that its connection to the Shadowfell and the fact that Shar is there via Shadowheart is enough to keep Lolth away. The lore of DnD does not make it quite clear what the relationship between these two goddesses are. But I am willing to bet that Lolth is smart enough not to step on Shar's toes because Shar would annihilate her. However, there is a small little section of the Gauntlet where it actually does spit you out directly into the Underdark and into Lolth's territory. Minthara can walk right out there just fine, and Lolth does nothing.

But most importantly, Minthara's default ending is her returning to the Underdark with the sole purpose of destroying House Baenre and then killing Lolth. Destroying House Baenre could lead to a chaotic and political disaster in Menzoberranzan, and Lolth does nothing. Minthara quite literally wants to kill Lolth and has intentions to do so after taking House Baenre, and Lolth. Does. Nothing!

If Minthara goes into the Underdark and destroys House Baenre, this will cause chaos and death. And the Baenre's won't be the only ones she has to destroy, but any and all allies of House Baenre in which they do have a lot. And Lolth will feed off of all the death and carnage and chaos that Minthara is about to bring to Menzoberranzan because Lolth loves chaos more than she hates traitors.

Maybe, Lolth has not abandoned her as Minthara thinks she has. Maybe, Lolth has done nothing and said nothing because Minthara has not actually upset her. Maybe, Lolth has done nothing and said nothing because Minthara is already doing everything Lolth wants her to do. And all it took, was making Minthara think that Lolth abandoned her. There was no need for Lolth to answer Minthara's prayers, because Minthara always had the strength to fight her enemies.

[mikkeneko]

I'm sure this is nothing that hasn't been said before but I really like the way that all of MXTX's books have throughlines about breaking the cycle of abuse.

It's most obvious in Scum Villain, at least once we find out more about Shen Jiu: Shen Jiu's whole story is about abuse. Qiu Jianluo abused Shen Jiu as a slave until Shen Jiu fought back and killed him, Shen Jiu revisited his abuse on his student Luo Binghe until Luo Binghe came back and killed him, Luo Binghe revisited his abuse on the entire cultivation world. Only Shen Yuan's arrival on the scene breaks the cycle; he stops the cycle of abuse dead in its tracks through his choice to be kind to Luo Binghe even knowing what he knows about the future.

In MDZS, the line of descent is shorter, but we see it twice: Yu Ziyuan to her children and her children to Jin Ling, and the Lan clan to Lan Wangji and Lan Wangji to Lan Sizhui. Yu Ziyuan took out her unhappiness on both her children, but neither of them passed that unhappiness on to Jin Ling. Lan Wangji was raised with incredible strictness, but taught Lan Sizhui -- and all of the juniors -- to be more flexible, curious and compassionate than he was raised to be. (Unknown whether the Lan juniors were ever subject to corporal punishment; we know that Lan Wangji was, but it simply isn't ever said for either of the Lan juniors, and that absence may be an answer in and of itself. Lan Jingyi at least certainly would have complained about it!)

In TGCF, once again the story is about mentor to student instead of parent to child, and it plays out over centuries instead of years, but it's still there. Jun Wu took an interest in Xie Lian specifically because Xie Lian reminded him of his own self, and then he orchestrated torments for Xie Lian specifically to push him into making the same mistakes and choices that Jun Wu made when he was Xie Lian's age. Xie Lian then goes on to take an interest in Lang Qianqiu, specifically because Lang Qianqiu reminded him of his past self. But the cycle stops there. Xie Lian doesn't revisit his traumas onto Lang Qianqiu at all. And when Lang Qianqiu undergoes his own moment of crisis, Xie Lian goes to enormous pain to ensure that he receives catharsis and closure for it, and is able to move on to be a good king and eventually ascend to divinity without redirecting his trauma onto more innocent people.

None of them are unscarred by their own circumstances, but in all cases the characters of these stories looked at the next generation and said, "I'm not doing this to them."

[ronehmke]

[90sgreggaraki]

Newitz, Annalee. "Abuse and its Pleasures: Compensatory Fantasy in the Popular Fiction of Anne Rice." Creating Safe Space: Violence and Women’s Writing (1997): 179-199. link

[sssuper368]

What do you think his favorite new jeans song is