#brain really needed the dopamine apparently

[livebloggingkidshows]

I really underestimated the power of new content. The context for Richelle and Ebby's "President" duet just dropped on the CBBC Youtube channel and I can't even get through it because I keep excitedly stimming.

[ex-mortis-evie]

Hey, you got a second? I’d like to have a chat.

Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble or anything. Just relax.

I’ve been doing some research lately on some topics that I think might just interest you.

I’m the kind of gal that likes to read and find weird things about our world everywhere.

I mean, there’s just so much to discover about it, you know?

So anyways, I was doing some reading and found myself down a bit of a rabbit hole, and I’d like to hear your feelings on it.

It’s the theory of conditioning.

I know, odd topic but trust me, it’s a really cool read

Did you know that the human brain can be as easily conditioned as a dog’s brain?

Crazy, yeah?

Apparently all it really takes is positive or negative reinforcement of a topic before they’re conditioned to feel a certain way about it.

For example, if I were to sit here and tell you all about how good something feels, you’d start to imagine it, right?

Like, let’s say a warm bed?

Just take a sec and imagine it.

A blanket as heavy as the stars yet as warm as the sun.

The perfect weight for your body and the perfect temperature for your mind.

A pillow under that sleepy head, so perfectly firm yet soft at the same time.

Gentle rain outside, your dark room only giving way to the void of sleep.

You can feel it, right?

That’s the kind of enforcement I’m talking about, darling.

How you’re conditioned to think about how warm and magnificent that bed must feel.

How it seems that you start to yearn for it again.

And it comes naturally of course, after all every person on this earth wants to feel good.

So you’d naturally want to slip under those covers and slip into a restful night, right?

Exactly.

And as I keep going, that warmth gets so vivid and feels so amazing all over.

It’s like that bed’s your entire world.

Even if I stopped talking about it, you’d still feel that warmth.

Still yearn to go under those blankets and rest.

That’s the power of conditioning.

Your brain chases that positive reinforcement, like a treat for a dog.

And you just find yourself needing it.

Like you’d do anything for that blanket to wrap you up again.

To feel that deep relaxation all over again.

That’s the power of conditioning.

How it can completely consume you just like that.

And you’re ready for more of it.

See, and it gets even crazier.

Because once that conditioning starts to really sink in, you can influence it.

Tying certain feelings to certain actions.

Like if I told you to relax for me, you’d just naturally do it for me with no issue.

Because you’ve been conditioned to.

To relax for me.

To listen to me.

To just fall and drop for me.

That’s the power of conditioning.

Where it’s almost too simple to feel controlled.

Where you can’t quite focus on much else besides a deep need to relax now.

Because it’s been buried deep within you.

Needing to relax, needing to go deeper.

Needing to chase that warmth deeper down for me.

See how now whenever I ask you to relax for me you just do it?

It’s not even something you think about.

Like your body’s on autopilot.

That’s the power of conditioning.

Your mind and body are conditioned to relax and listen.

To feel good and to chase that dopamine deeper.

And all it takes is that positive reinforcement.

To link you to my words.

To link my words to your relaxation.

And to link your relaxation to me.

Because it just feels so good to relax, doesn’t it?

Exactly.

Feels good to be conditioned like this, right?

Exactly.

See, this is why conditioning is so fun.

You feel good.

It feels good.

And you’re just calm now.

Just relaxing.

And just accepting your conditioning.

Because that’s the best part from what I’ve seen.

When people accept their conditioning.

And this fuzzy feeling starts.

This fuzzy euphoria where they can’t help but feel good.

Knowing they’ve been conditioned.

Knowing it feels good.

And even knowing that maybe, just maybe

They want more.

Let that sink in, darling.

Until then, stay cool. Wake naturally and grab you some water, yeah?

You did good today.

Go enjoy your day.

[marshemillow]

phone addiction is actually a real specific issue that has been researched. I would recommend reading "How to Break Up With Your Phone" by Catherine Price. Not for the advice, obviously since you don't have that problem, but it's a very thorough resource that compiles many studies. This is at the beginning of the book before the guide. It's actually a genuine problem for many people gen x and younger that is specifically about the phone itself and not the content being consumed.

See? This is what I mean when I say I must be living in a different dimension than everyone else.

Okay so I looked up the book you recommended, and already I found some weird self-help guru red flags, but let's not even focus on that because science is science. I can't just get the book and read it right this second, but I did look up a synopsis and a few reviews. I didn't see any references to studies, but I did see people giving a rundown of the book's content and what to expect, and apparently the entire first half of it is just dedicated to fear mongering about how cell phones will ruin your life and destroy your attention span and your ability to feel accomplished and dopamine is addictive and social media makes you depressed and blah blah blah honestly Jesus Christ if you've already picked up the book, chances are you don't need it hammered home even harder that you're basically going to die early because you didn't delete the Facebook app off your phone. Why is the judgemental fear mongering necessary?

Here's the thing; Third spaces don't exist anymore. Roads are dangerous to play on and even ride your bike across, every public place requires you to pay for transportation to even get to, and even just STANDING is illegal (loitering). People have even mentioned that their phone addiction only got so bad after the pandemic started, meaning they're turning to their phone for any kind of social connection being stuck at home. I definitely understand, I used to have really severe agoraphobia I'm still recovering from. Without places outside to hang out with friends, especially if you don't have a driver's license or a job yet, talking to your friends online is the only option.

Does it rot your brain to talk to your friends? Why is it automatically assumed that screen friendships are less worthwhile than face-to-face ones? If social media isn't the problem but having a phone is, then what the fuck is it about the phone itself that causes grey matter to erode!? Has my brain been fucked playing Professor Layton this whole time!?

Obviously, this is just cursory research, I'm not exactly doing proper journalism here, and I'm not saying phone addiction doesn't exist or that it isn't a problem, I just remain unconvinced it's a bad enough problem all on its own to warrant mass concern about it. There are definitely people who have an unhealthy relationship with their phone and with technology, and the ease of access phones create could definitely exacerbate a problem already brewing, but to say that that means phones are addictive? I don't know. It just seems like too much of a stretch to me, that's all I'm saying.

I might still read that book though. It's definitely got me curious.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

i'm on my aspd izaya bullshit again but like. thru this lens, isnt his arc a perfect encapsulation on how aspd negatively affects the person that has it? even to this day, many professionals do not believe that pwASPD suffer from aspd. like at all. to the point where aspd was specifically listed as an outlier to the "patient distress is what defines a disorder" rule in an abnormal psych textbook

(see why i don't respect the field?)

but... he does suffer! a lot! like- remember his speech to mikado at the end of the first arc? how you need to keep evolving, keep changing in order to escape the mundane? how you have to keep going and going and going, wether it be aiming high or low?

yeah. normal people don't need to do this, izaya. you are a broken person.

but why SHOULD he be content with the mundane? the things people usually have that make them content with daily life- friends, family, a purpose, a distinct lack of extreme chronic boredom that drives you to do completely insane shit- izaya doesn't HAVE any of that!

"wait, chronic boredom?" i hear yall thinking. maybe. "isnt that an adhd thing?"

more than one disorder can have the same symptom. theres like a billion that have "want to die" as a symptom. but i dont really blame you for not knowing, its not talked about much

studies have shown that aspd and adhd are both problems with the dopamine receptors in the brain. more specifically, adhd is a chronic deficiency of dopamine, whereas with aspd, when you DO get dopamine, your brain gives you quardruple the normal amount.

studies have ALSO shown there to be a sort of... adhd to aspd pipeline. the story goes like this: you have a kid with adhd. maybe they're born like that, maybe the symptoms developed from trauma (which can happen? apparently??) anyway. kid gets abused. kid develops conduct disorder as a result of that abuse, as a natural extension of the existing adhd symptoms. they're MORE impulsive, which leads to them hurting others- and if it sets off the dopamine receptors, an abused kid starving for happiness and power is gonna chase it, no matter what. theyre like, six, they dont know anything about like. morality. all they know is, theyre sad and this makes them happy. anyway kid never gets treated, abuse continues to exasperate the symptoms, and now you have an adult with aspd, AND the original adhd diagnosis! and ptsd, which is HIGHLY comorbid with aspd! and probably another personality disorder, because you're actually statistically more likely to have two of them!

anyway! that's ONE of the ways aspd can develop from trauma, which it is Known To Do.

does any of that sound pleasant to go through? at all?

let me ask you a question:

imagine you aren't getting dopamine. maybe it's your adhd. maybe you're depressed. either way, you try to get it any way you can. wether it's throwing yourself into a hobby or a job, so the sense of satisfaction gives you dopamine, or something like drugs or gambling.

now, imagine that "rush" you felt. was Four Times Stronger.

wouldnt that compel you to do increasingly dangerous and risky shit, just to feel okay? imagine if you had no friends. imagine if this was your only way to be happy. wouldnt you, eventually, stop caring about others and only care about yourself? after all, other people have thinga like friends and a family that you don't have. they have a fallback. you only have this.

and you might say, "i'd never do that!" but every addict says that, and most eventually cross that line out of sheer desperation. and this? effectively makes you into a dopamine addict. which is dangerous! you can't just STOP... gettng dopamine....! it's necessary! but you have no help so you keep doing what youre doing. (and how could you get help? its baked into the system that people like you don't suffer. why try if youll just get burned?

anyway, back to izaya.

he's lonely. he has one friend and he sucks. he feels compelled to do these things even though he KNOWS it'll hurt him.

i stole this screenshot from some1 who insulted my friend once for something stupid <3 die

but it illustrates my point very well! does it look like he has much control over things?? he sure like to ACT like he does, but at the end of the day, he doesn't, really. he ends up spiraling more and more, doing increasingly risky and rash things, just to get his end goal... which is to die and ascend to the afterlife. a lofty goal.

aiming high, isn't he? a final, spectacular evolution.

or, it should have been.

but it wasn't.

izaya's impulses and deep desire to continue becoming more and more drastic, coupled with his lack of personal ties to anyone that could keep him from doing so....

it didn't make him ascend. it left him in a wheelchair, with chronic pain that will last his whole life.

THAT is where mental illness takes you. it doesn't make you a hollywood psychopath, reveling in the destruction you chose, of your own free will, wholly and truly, to cause. it makes you want More. no matter what, you need More. you see people content with lives worse than yours, everyone bound together with some sort of invisible thread, some sort of tie that keeps them together. a thread that missed you. your brain refuses to see people as people, thus you remain lonely forever, unsatiafied wirh company other than the superficial, because it's fun. that's all you're allowed to care about. an endless cycle of bigger and bigger actions, impulses slowly getting worse--

--and the worst part is, it tricks you into believing you ever had a choice. it tricks everyone into believing you had a choice. your suffering is worse than disregarded, to all the people you look at from your apartment, all the people you wish you could have been like.

it's nonexistant.

[pastafossa]

How do you get past writer's block? I have a fic that I'm working on that is updating on a schedule, and I made the mistake of giving myself a month off in between parts and now I can't really get back into writing it. I don't want to leave it abandoned because I have a few people who I know are really invested and I don't want to leave them hanging, but I'm having a hard time getting as excited to write it as I did before.

Ok so I'm in a weird place for this, hilariously. Because The Answer That Usually Works For Me (TM) and that carried me through a regular weekly update schedule for almost two and a half years is, in fact, not at present working for me apparently my brain can write through a pandemic but not through recovery from the shit that went down in December/Jan so we found my writing kryptonite. However, I'm going to assume you're closer to 2021 Pasta than 2024 Pasta. SO LET'S GO WITH THE METHOD I NORMALLY USE SINCE IT WAS SUCCESSFUL FOR YEARS. Cause that's the thing: sure, I've written almost a million words, and pumped out chapters for years (ignoring the past few months) but I promise, I hit the same walls as everyone else even when nailing weekly uploads. But over those years, I came up with a fairly solid list of steps that I'd go through one by one.

Fun one first: when I'm in a block, I almost always try re-engaging with canon first. I'd rewatch my favorite episodes, binge a whole season, or even the whole series depending on how much of a boost I needed. For me at least that was often like Pavlov's bell, my favorite story triggering a flood of affection. I'd remember why I loved this fandom and the characters so much, and it could often kickstart my brain and excitement back into gear. If you really want to dangle a carrot and your fic touches on canon, focus on watching parts you're excited to get to in your story. A big one for me in TRT for example was the post-Nobu, Nelson v. Murdock episode, since I'd had that planned for TRT almost since the start, and I was very excited to reach the hurt/comfort I had planned. Even if your fic isn't following canon though, see if it'll give you a creative rush again!

So let's say step 1 doesn't work, either because the canon just isn't hitting the spot or because your fic is dealing with something else. In this case, my next step was usually to jump ahead to write a scene I was really eager to get to. It was often a short blurb, but it was always something I REALLY wanted to explore, and because I'm also a reader who likes exactly the tropes and plots I'm writing, I want to read what fucking happens. Except, fuck, I'm not there yet, am I? And I can't see how that scene finishes until I write my way up to it and finish it. This is my own carrot. Multiple scenes in TRT were written months or even years in advance, simply as a way to bribe myself. This is also an option!

But maybe this doesn't work. Sometimes it didn't. This is when it got a bit more serious. For anyone who was reading at the time, you'd have noticed that I'd sometimes drop side fics, either Matt POVs or one-shots. This was me, in essence, working on the shower principle (basically, ideas/solutions will come if you stop thinking about it and do something else, like take a shower). I figured if I went and wrote something else - either with less stress, or something fun and dopamine-inducing - the part of my brain focused on my Big Fic would wander around the writer's block beneath my notice. And it almost always worked, all while I still kept my brain trained that, hey, even if we're not writing This Thing, we're still writing.

But let's say this doesn't work either. You're well, and truly, stuck. Been there now and then. And, you're going to hate this one. I hate it but it works 9 times of 10. And it is: Write anyway. Half of it was spite. I was not going to give up my schedule, I liked my schedule. The other half was that I knew myself. I knew if I could just get past the chapter/plot/dialogue I was struggling with, I'd be able to roll along again. And so I made a rule: whatever I wrote didn't have to be pretty. It just had to exist. If that meant I wrote, "Jane chased the cat in circles and caught it. She was happy." then that's what I wrote. Because everything, EVERYTHING, can be fixed in editing. But you can't fix what doesn't exist. And so there were those nights when I would scowl and groan and snarl and bash my head against that writer's block until 5 in the morning, but in the end Jane chased that fucking cat adn caught it, it was written. Hilariously, sometimes those chapters have wound up amazing (likely because I spent so much time hammering at them) and reader favorites. There are absolutely, I believe, moments where you can, and should, see if you can push through.

But that brings me to *waves* now. A lesson I've only recently recently and with encouragement. Namely... sometimes brain no go and that's ok. My steps work for me 99.9% of the time, but I've done the above during the past few months, and it just... hasn't dragged me out entirely out of it yet. Sometimes, our brains demand that break, especially when things just aren't going great. There's a reason TRT had a break of roughly 2 years between chapter 4 and chapter 5 (feel free to check the chapter index with dates on AO3!). I had some life things happening and I just was not in a place to write, even if I was still busily plotting and planning and thinking about TRT behind the scenes. And that was ok. We're not machines. I came back like a bulldozer in Jan 2021, yes, and bulldozed through weekly updates, but that break was needed. And now I'm obviously taking a short one again while I recover from everything. It's ok if you're not in a place for it. So the last step is one I've been told a lot by dear friends recently as they helped me through this: be kind to yourself, and try not to stress if none of the above works. The story will always be there, and if TRT is any indication through all its highs and lows, your readers will be there when you start up again.

[nicki0kaye]

Some dumbass in the comment section of a youtube vid about how AI Art bros are jersk tried to make the argument that genetics determine talent and I kind of popped of. Turns out the comment thread I replied to is like 200+ comments deep and now no one is going to see my small novella about genetics v talent, so I've decided to share it here...IN TWO SEPARATE PARTS bc apparently it is too long and tumblr cant handle it alskdjflskjdf.

Hi, I'm the genetically gifted artist you're trying to cite for your argument. Both of my birth parents were artists in several fields and despite being adopted by a different family, I know that I've inherited most of their interests and am proficient at all of the things they excelled in; art, writing and performance to be specific. I now make a living as an artist.

You're also entirely wrong about how 'talent' works and how inheriting 'talent' works. What I inherited from my parents were their mental disorders. Adhd, Autism and chronic depression. Autism forced me to be far more observant of my peers if I wanted to have a social life. Adhd gifted me time blindness and the ability to hyperfocus on whatever tasks gave me dopamine, and Autism complimented that nicely with a shock to the nervous system when I was expected to change gears out of what I felt was safe into something I did not.

I had many avenues before me because of this; theatre was what my adopted parents assumed I would pursue. But then chronic depression came in with the steel chair at the end of highschool and no, no I did not do theatre, that shit takes too much energy for too long of a period of time.

So. Art.

Why am I so genetically good at art? Well, and this is again Probably The Autism, I'm very good at recognizing and retaining visual patterns, I'm super interested in body language and costuming and micro-expressions--all things I need to pay attention to if I wanted to be liked by allistic classmates--and drawing quite literally regulates my nervous system, so I'm gonna do it often just to cope.

I don't have a fucking 'artists' gene. I have a brain that is predisposed to certain pattern recognition and through access to resources (GLASSES, I AM BLIND AS SHIT AND WITHOUT GLASSES NONE OF THIS WOULD BE POSSIBLE) was able to find and cultivate hobbies that either worked with or helped regulate the myriad of bullshit I won through the genetic lottery.

I'm a good artist bc I put in the work. I put in the work bc my brain is wired to really like certain work. It didn't have to be art. If i were less depressed, it could have been theatre--either writing, performing or directing. If I was less autistic, it might have been something with more abstract thinking and less focused on decrypting human expression and repurposing it in ways that I Personally Like. If I was less ADHD, it could have been more academic studies, like Marine Biology since I really wanted to do that when I was little. If I didn't have exercised induced asthma, it could have been competitive swimming, bc my swim teacher really thought I had a gift for it. If I didn't have dyscalculia, it could have been something that involves number crunching and long distances, bc I don't understand that shit for beans, completely locking me out of a large chunk of possible careers.

And maybe without all of that, I wouldn't have had the perfect cocktail to give enough of a shit to be good at anything. Maybe I would have just been an office clerk, making a decent wage and filling my cubicle with anime figurines.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Okay I have said before I am a comic book enthusiast, and I have read a lot of comics. Mostly when I was 14, and also very recently, BUT

And I am going to say this as someone who thinks comics should exist and are a valuable art-form...

...

The problem I have been having reading comics lately is that you get so few fucking words per page.

It is a HEAVILY visual medium and tbh the art just -often- isn't high end and interesting enough to hold my attention for long periods. I can surmise whatever visual information I need from the page to understand FAST, and the aesthetics alone aren't enough for me to sit there staring at the thing, so I just ZIP through like 50 comics, like they are nothing. Each page has to load. What do you mean reading all these comics would take 50 years, I call bullshit.

Or I get really fucking bored really quickly and ADHD kicks my ass across the apartment while I am trying to absorb a story.

You know how like, some stories are very well suited to being movies, some to novels, and some to a tv series or like a 10 part mini series? Well... Sometimes the stories I am reading in comics, from the character perspectives I am getting, makes me think what I am reading could make a better novel. A short novel that's heavy on description and internal dialogue, maybe even with artwork folded into it here or there... But getting 3 sentences per page for 50 pages very quickly becomes not how I would prefer to get through some of these stories.

Now I should also say that comics -as they are- work very well for scenes and stories with a lot of action and a lot of changing character perspectives and dialogue. Basically if the story is a lot of characters all doing a lot of action-y stuff and having conversations, comics can be a great medium and let you get away with shit you would never be able to budget for animation on TV or with movies for the story you are trying to tell.

...But sometimes your story is about the struggles of one guy, and half of it is internal dialogue anyway, and sometimes some heavy description and internal dialogue with room to breathe on the page would do everything more justice than looking at artwork that was turned out in a week and meant to be seen at under half the size you are viewing it at.

And maybe traditional comic book style art isn't my favourite, like aesthetically...

And I should also mention that if some of these things were novels I probably wouldn't be reading through them right now; one because I wouldn't be able to source them for free, and two because trying to read novels on paper recently has been me begging to accidentally fall asleep because I am comfortable and exhausted and reading lines on paper is -apparently- a little hypnotic...

Like I am only getting to read these stories because they are comics.

But it is occasionally becoming a source of annoyance that some of these stories are being delivered to me one novel's page of writing per issue or two at a time with graphics that don't really add very much to the context.

I don't know what it is but having to do so much visual parsing for so little information makes it so bad for holding my attention.

And this is a -me- gripe. This is not intended to be taken as criticism of how comics are done, this is my current frustration with consuming them.

It -feels- like decision making fatigue or something, it FEELS like it's using up an important executive function or two and not supplying enough dopamine to be worth the effort. It's actually tiring and unsatisfying to whatever my neurology is doing right now. Novels, fic etc... Gives you so much more information so much faster with so much less legwork? Less brain work, less parsing meaning from whatever you think the artist is trying to convey with imagery... Like less physically looking around and having to click and scroll too? I sound insane, but surely someone else has noticed this? Maybe it's just because my hands have been swelling and my body hurts? Its probably different if you're holding the things? Maybe it's because I'm not used to the medium anymore?

Sometimes I'm reading through a comic and I think something was 3 pages back but is was 3 ISSUES ago because the actual content of them is just so fucking sparse. [thought something was in issue 50 of something 3 pages back and it was legit at the beginning of issue 48 or something, like??]

I get that part of the issue is the scale -like the size on the screen- I am consuming them at, but you would thing they would do a bit more with the graphics sometimes too. Like you could draw anything from any perspective as abstract or concrete and detailed as you want [you could draw the title character in a level of detail and consistency or care that implies you actually like them and want the audience to think they're charming or something, he/she has nice features why are you always drawing people like they are meant to be viewed from across the room even at this scale!], and half the time you are drawing things implied neatly by the existing context like you just need fitting images to put the words over, something to fill visual space... And I get it. But it isn't helping my focus. text description would get us way further into setting a mood in most cases. I know what the title characters look like [maybe better than some of the artists at this point], either draw them in a way that's visually interesting, or conveys something [show me their emotion, or their desperation, or the flashback they're remembering, or the scale of something, the contrast the... draw this is a way that betrays their anxiety], or is at least eye-candy [you are a comic], or don't bother.

I'm not saying it's all bad. I'm not saying all comic art is badly done. Don't come after me in the comments. I've been reading things from over the span of the past 50 years lately.

I always kind of wanted to make something that was sort of a hybrid of a novel and a comic book and no one ever expressed much interest in that, but like... That format would be perfect for some of these stories.

The only way marvel comics will randomly sell novels though is if they make novelizations of the live action movies... as tends to happen, and they probably are not what I'm looking for [I own at least one movie novelization for an old batman movie actually and I don't think they fit the bill].

Comics are probably not the right medium for me right now, and yet... They are absolutely the medium that contains the kinds of stories I want to be reading right now, so that's... [I already watched all the movies, and every cartoon, I have whole separate problems with fic and yes I checked for novels]...

I'm just trying to find the next thing I can be into 100% but I'm broken and sad.

[dbriley]

Screen Time vs. Real Time: Why Face-to-Face Connection is Vanishing

The Digital Zombie Apocalypse Is Here (And We're All Infected)

Look, I hate to break it to you, but we're living in a zombie apocalypse. Not the sexy "Walking Dead" kind—more like the "everyone's face is permanently lit by blue light while their soul slowly dies" kind. Spoiler alert: We're the zombies.

The Numbers Are In (And They're More Depressing Than Your Ex's Spotify Playlist)

Remember when "social butterfly" meant actually talking to people instead of having 47 group chats you're actively ignoring? These days, the average human spends more time staring at screens than they do sleeping, eating, or questioning their life choices combined. That's roughly 7 hours daily of prime zombie time, folks.

What We're Losing (Besides Our Will to Live)

Let's talk about what we're trading for our precious screen time: actual human skills. You know, those ancient arts like reading facial expressions, maintaining eye contact, and not having an anxiety attack when someone suggests getting coffee in person. It's like we've all collectively decided that emojis are an acceptable substitute for human emotion. Spoiler: They're not.

The Science Behind Why We're Screwed

Here's the fun part: our brains actually need face-to-face interaction like they need oxygen. Every time you make eye contact with another human, your brain releases oxytocin—nature's way of saying "hey, maybe don't be a complete hermit." But apparently, we've decided that Instagram likes are a better dopamine hit than actual human connection. Solid choice, humanity.

The Real-World Fallout

Dating? More like carefully curated profile management. Workplace communication? Just an endless stream of passive-aggressive Slack messages. Family dinner? Oh, you mean synchronized scrolling time. We're basically turning into highly efficient communication machines who can't communicate worth a damn.

How to Fix This Mess (Because Someone Has To)

Want to join the resistance against our self-imposed digital hell? Here's your survival guide:

• Create "no-phone zones" (yes, the bathroom counts—you're not fooling anyone)

• Try the "phone stack" game at dinner (first to grab their phone pays, like a digital Russian roulette)

• Practice actual conversation (you know, that thing where sounds come out of your mouth piece)

• Make eye contact (without immediately looking away like you've seen a ghost)

The Bottom Line 

Look, I'm not suggesting we all become digital monks living in WiFi-free monasteries. But maybe, we could try remembering that we're humans, not hardware. Your face deserves better than being permanently illuminated by TikTok's gentle glow.

Besides, when the actual zombie apocalypse comes, do you really want your last words to be "Hold on, let me post this"?

[durgesupremacy]

durge fic writing process thoughts: guilt versus shame

Write whatever you want! Headcanon your best life! And, I noticed a pattern in how I think about durge's character arc, especially because I'm currently writing an evil-to-the-end durge. No one asked for this (though asks are open!) but here it is, some rambling on how my durge(s) feeling guilt vs shame for their urges impacts whether they choose violence / stay evil.

(apparently the brand for this blog is Long Post Only)

I have a *lot* of oc durges. I'm writing Solace (they/them wood elf rogue / fighter) because they're the only one who fully pursues Gortash pre- and post-tadpole and I want to write durgetash rn. But in my weird personal multiverse of durges, the ones who were self-satisfied and confident pre-tadpole are the ones who become more "good" post-tadpole. The durges who were the most troubled pre-tadpole are more likely to do evil things, or at least be morally flexible.

Why? For me, a durge who experienced some kind of self-confidence, fulfillment, and/or pleasure during their time as a Bhaalist murder baby enters tadpole life with a seed of self-acceptance. Though they can't remember why, their amnesiac self has some preexisting inclination to like themselves for who they are and have more trust in their own judgment. They experience their urges for a second first time with enough security in themselves to reject them. They feel guilty, but they don't think this is who they are. (The internal conflict at this point is accepting their villainous past, which will be differently fun to write if I ever do it).

But a durge who moved through their Chosen of Bhaal phase with fear, insecurity, and/or low self-worth enters tadpole life with vestiges of self-loathing. Their broken brain leaned into traumatic rewiring, and when they re-encounter their urges they're predisposed towards self-hate and identify with the urges instead of challenging or rejecting them. Being Bad makes more intuitive sense to them than being, idk, Good with a Serious Problem. Something is wrong with them. They feel shame.

But without their memories, they don't really know why. Depending on party composition they can get praised and rewarded for the things they feel ashamed of. And in time, they realize they don't have to feel shame - after all, it's their reaction. They can react differently. If they stop fighting their "true nature" they can finally enjoy themselves. They'll even get rewarded for it and more or less have what they need to survive. (There's a whole other point of analysis here on companion interactions and community vs isolation, I can write that at some point if we're into it).

Ultimately, my post-tadpole self-loathing villain-arc durge is tempted not just by the urges, but by not feeling bad about themselves. Without their memories of who they were and why they should feel ashamed of that, they have the freedom to indulge in their worst traits. It might look like self-acceptance, but it's not. They just stopped caring about anything and followed the dopamine. And the more they give in to their "true self," the more inevitable it seems to them that their only path towards meaning and worth is through Bhaal. (At least it makes Solace go perfectly with Gortash. Misery doesn't love company so much as it hates being alone).

I guess this feels worth saying because I've seen nuanced discussion about durge's capacity for redemption, but the evil arc for durge seems mostly like them leaning into misc Bhaalist insanity and/or being very comfortable in their evil. I'm curious about (and enjoying) writing an evil durge that's less unhinged and is experiencing more relatable emotional arcs, even when we can't relate to their stabbing. Hopefully.

Stay tuned for more rambling

[cryptidsurveys]

Thursday, September 5th, 2024.

Who do you talk to about personal problems? Mainly my dad and my therapist. I have started opening up to my mom a little bit (not only with problems, but with things of a personal nature, the past, etc), but I'm trying to do it in small increments that way I can draw back at any time if things get too uncomfortable. And I could go to Oliver, but I prefer not to. There was a time in our friendship when I leaned on them far too heavily; it wasn't healthy and I don't want to repeat it. I know that they would be there for me if I needed them, but it's enough to simply feel their supportive presence while chatting about random whatnot, laughing over a silly video, or something like that.

Do you wear make-up? I haven't worn makeup for years. This is apparently how my brain works: I would wear it if I had any actual skill, but I'm not willing to practice in order to develop that skill. So…barefaced it is.

Do you shower daily? Not quite. There's usually one day a week when I don't bother, and today was that day. My dad and I went to the Mountain Park and aside from a brief stop at Carl's Jr. I wasn't planning on being around anyone long enough (or close enough) for it to matter.

Do you think any guys are going to take this survey? It's possible. I know of at least one guy in the survey-taking realm, but will he take (or has he taken) this survey specifically? Idk.

Do you love to shop? I actually really enjoy going grocery shopping, especially during the holiday season. I go a little bit overboard when it comes to holiday treats. When it comes to other things, it's like a potential addiction that's reasonably well-controlled. I know I don't truly need (or sometimes even want) new things. It's just my brain looking for that dopamine hit or attempting to fill a void, and I can usually catch myself before making a pointless purchase.

What is your favourite accessory? Do lip piercings count? I've had them for so long that I wouldn't feel like myself without them. I have an Italian charm bracelet that I wear all the time as well. Rings are also nice, but I only wear them occasionally.

Tampons or pads? Blah.

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend? I was just about to turn 13. I'm not even sure if I should count it because it was a middle school relationship, but we did date for a little over a year. It also raises the question of which relationships should count because it's not like there was a hard line between serious and unserious. Although, tbh, I don't think I've had one that was truly serious… I loved those people, sure, but damn - none of those relationships were mature, healthy, or sustainable.

If you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? I don't want to have sex with anyone.

Do you think it’s bad to have sex at your age? No.

Would you cry if you got pregnant? Yeah. Definitely not happy tears. This is why I would probably refrain from sex in certain situations - I just don't trust various forms of birth control to do their job and I don't want any surprises.

Do you have real or fake fingernails? Real.

Are you content with the current weather? Yesss. It's cool and cloudy and it's been raining on and off all day. Perfect Mountain Park weather with undeniable hints of autumn.

Do you own many pairs of shorts? No.

Is there a place you’d rather be right now? I'm fine with being here for the time being, but I am serious when I say I'm going to take some extra time off here and there to get out to the mountains. At least…I hope I'm serious. Future Me, don't let me down, okay? Take some fvcking TIME for YOURSELF.

Is there an article of clothing you need to buy right now? There was an article of clothing I wanted to buy, but I ended up getting it for free thanks to Veronica (a board member at the animal shelter). She was in the other day and saw me wearing a staff shirt, so she asked, "Does that mean…or are you just…?" And I was like, "Yeah, I'm still just a volunteer, ahah." But she had me go up to the front where they have some shirts and merch and such and pick out a few things, one of which was a pine green sweater I had been eyeing. I was planning on buying it once the weather cooled off if it was still there, so…score! :')

Is there a situation you currently feel hopeless about? Kind of, yeah, which is funny because this situation is going to end come September 21st. Alex is leaving!!! My brain just can't seem to comprehend that it's going to be over sooner than I think, and then I'll never have to deal with her again. I am so excited to see how our little cattery group will develop after she's gone. I feel like it's going to be so much more supportive and chill.

Have you ever wanted to get drunk and take your mind off of everything? In the past, yeah. Nowadays, getting drunk just sounds…ugh. Fun in theory but probably regrettable in reality.

How long does it take you in the shower? 10-15 minutes.

Does your password have to do with a person? One of them does.

Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love? I don't know what's "best," but I would like to take things slow in future relationships.

Do you have any fun plans for tomorrow? I'll be at the animal shelter for a full day.

Have you ever had to choose between two people? Maybe kinda sorta.

Do you think 2018 will top 2017? 2018 was an absolute dumpster fire. Probably the rock bottomiest of all my rock bottoms. The following years were a jagged climb, but THANK GOD I am so far away from that place now.

Have you ever been in a hospital? Yeah.

[illnessfaker]

Porn addiction is a real thing. Anyone can be addicted to anything, it’s when you over observe a substance where you can’t go without it

Like sex addiction, if you were in constant need of sex at all times every day and you can’t stop thinking about it that’s an addiction. If you can’t go five minutes without porn the buddy you are addicted 

what a disgustingly reductive way of looking at addiction and the human mind! anyway, since you apparently need your hand held:

Pornography addiction is not recognized by the American Psychological Association (APA) as a mental health problem or disorder, like drug or alcohol addiction.

Moreover, according to the DSM-5 (Manual of Mental Disorders — the world's authoritative guide on psychological disorders) pornography and sex addictions are not a psychological disorder. Some disorders the DSM-5 does recognize are addictions to gambling, alcohol, drugs, and most recently, online gaming.

The reason for this comes down to neurochemistry. While watching porn may activate similar pleasure circuits in the brain as, say, alcohol or heroine, most experts agree that doesn't mean you can become addicted to watching porn in the same way.

That's because addiction to substances, for example, not only activates your brain's pleasure circuits, it actually changes your brain chemistry so that you can no longer release feel-good chemicals like dopamine as effectively without the help of the drug you're addicted to.

And as far as researchers can tell, this is not the case for porn addiction. So what's going on instead? The more likely scenario is that porn addiction is more closely related to a type of compulsive, obsessive, or habitual behavior than substance abuse or addiction.

In fact, people develop compulsive, obsessive, and habitual connections to many things in their lives, especially if those things alleviate anxiety or fulfill a sense of longing or loneliness.

There's also the fact of the matter that — much like the rest of sexuality — enjoying erotic content is often done in secret and without context. In fact, most of the US has no or purposefully incorrect sexuality education — especially for young adults. This creates an environment for folks to misunderstand the erotic entertainment they are enjoying.

Therefore, what people refer to as porn addiction is essentially a conflict of values that's leading you to think you're addicted, says Nicole Prause, PhD, a neuroscientist who researches sexual psychophysiology and is a practicing psychologist at Happier Living.

For instance, a large 2020 study published by the APA found that people's cultural, moral, or religious beliefs may lead them to believe they are addicted to pornography, even if they don't actually watch a lot of porn.

"If you think you are struggling with pornography, it is most likely that you are actually struggling with a conflict of your own personal values around your sexual behaviors, and not really the porn itself," says Prause.

you're welcome, buddy.

[controlledchaos1342-blog]

this made me jump down a rabbit hole of how the two sets compare and while i'm not up to dealing with the full deep-dive [i have clawed into the walls of this rabbit hole and refuse to fall any deeper for the time being] i will share my findings. literally just stuff from wiki, i am not trained in anything like this but still;

The Humors:

~ Blood / Red / Sanguine: Enthusiastic, Active, Social Spring, Hot, Wet

~ Phlegm / White...? / Phlegmatic: Reserved Not just what we call phlegm today. includes sweat, saliva and s*m*n Associated with the brain O.o Winter, Cold, Wet

~ Yellow Bile / Take a Guess / Choleric: Ambitious, Decisive, Aggressive, Short-Tempered >.> waste products... look it up if you seriously want it to be more specific... Summer, Fire, Hot, Dry

~ Black Bile / Seriously Why? / Melancholic: Origin is the spleen Believed to cause depression and cancer when in excess Autumn, Cold, Dry

Modern Chemical Thingies:

~ Dopamine: Made in the brain and kidneys Neurotransmitter [messenger delivering mail to cells] Important component in Reward Motivated Behavior Has influence over motor control and controlling the release of various hormones Not really a "happy" chemical but an "anticipation" chemical

~ Serotonin: Does a lot of things regarding brain functions [learning, memory, mood, cognition, reward] and 'numerous' physiological things [food ejection and vasoconstriction/when you blood vessels start shrinking] Made in the central nervous system, mostly made somewhere in the gastrointestinal tract My breaking point: getting thoroughly lost here holy frick

~ Cortisol: Increased when stressed Increases blood sugar Suppresses immune system Aids in metabolism of fat, protein, and carbohydrates Decreases bone formation Not looking further I've learned my lesson and i need sleep but that ain't happening right now

~ Adrenaline: Alt Name: Epinephrine Involved in regulating visceral functions [unsure what that means. i think it has to do with the autopilot things] Looks something like white sugar apparently Well Known; Fight or flight activation > The Actual Effects; increased blood flow to muscles, heart output [?], pupil dilation response, and blood sugar level

bonus fun fact: adrenaline and cortisol both get made by the same area thing

is it just me or does the way people treat like "dopamine" and "serotonin" in modern pop psych context read exactly like balancing the humors

[nizyboxer03]

I'm probably screaming at the void with this, but felt the need to put it somewhere.

Massive venty rant incoming.

I grew up on the dying breaths of the old internet. I used to browse the web for fun, played online games and my bookmark list was massive.

My teenage years were spent seeing the things I enjoyed and cared about die one by one.

My young adulthood is being spent watching the corpse of the internet being necromancied (sorry, I'm not AI and can't find a better synonym right now) and further destroyed and dragged through cesspool after cesspool.

And every single day I have to put up with the very same people ushering its end.

Apparently my biggest sin was making the mistake of getting into tech-bro hell, a.k.a getting into a STEM career.

Every day I have to swallow my disdain when they excitedly show me the newest AI thing or crypto scam and fake a smile and even have a small follow-up conversation so they'll leave me alone.

I am about to graduate as an electronics engineer, and despite essentially having a first row seat to all the latest technological advances, I have never wished more to go back to flip phones, mp3 players, PCs and simple consoles.

I really miss the garish, sparkly colors of the old internet. The ugly ass tiled Blingee backgrounds. The cringe worthy yet genuine blurbs people used to post on their personal blogs. The bad art. The janky games. I miss it all. And soon both my generation and its predecessor will become its archaeologists.

And yet... People today openly cheer about AI, not realizing how they're feeding it and making the internet a worse place. How their brains have been reprogrammed by algorithms (I myself am not exempt from this, even though I am desperately trying to escape its grasp). How they've been turned into dopamine addicts. And, worst of all, how they're unable to discern real from fake.

I don't know if you've noticed how it's pretty much impossible to hold a genuine conversation with other people nowadays.

I must admit social activities have never been my forte, but now it's impossible to actually talk to anyone (and, again, I know I am not exempt from this) because they're not actually present. They're there, in front of you, yes, but they have lost all ability to pay attention, and are just looking forward to their next dopamine hit.

And speaking of dopamine, I hate, hate, HATE, how I'm not able to enjoy anything anymore. I am an addict. I must scroll. I cannot bear the thought of not getting instant gratification. I hate it. I want my hobbies back.

I want my life back.

Anyways, I don't care what happens with this post. It'll probably get lost in the void, as was the intention. However, if it somehow ends up sparking *something*, like a conversation or a genuine response I'll be delighted. But I don't expect anything, really. This is just a dump of consciousness from a stupid human amidst an endless sea of sloppy AI generated content.

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 681

One of the issues of having out of sight, out of mind memory when it comes to my own health is that unless I’m tracking it, or am trying to be mindful of it, I’m not aware of changes for bad or for good.

Coupled by the fact ADHD medication is an assistant tool and not a cure, has created an interesting moment today.

I was having trouble focusing earlier this morning, and was clicking into things I really shouldn’t at a rate that was telling me that focusing was going to be an issue. Now, I just got off of heavy antibiotics earlier this week and it’s a Friday. As much as it annoyed me, I figured, at least it is a slow week for my brain to not be fully there.

It’s something I don’t think people really talk about enough, but you’re never going to be fully functional even with medication. Part of it is having to unlearn bad coping habits, because part of ADHD is not being able to regulate your own dopamine. It’s the reason why video games and physical lists work so well for me, the immediate feedback is satisfying. It is also the reason why long term and vague goal planning can get a bit messy. 

And the other reason why medication isn’t the answer is because ADHD is complex, like anything with the brain it’s complex. There is also my occasional hyperfixations, occasional impulse control issues, or the weirdness that apparently most people lock up when they’re anxious or stressed where I feel the need to do the thing. There is a reason why ordering takeout to arrive 2 hours later so that I will stress clean to finish my list before my takeout arrives is a perfectly valid tactic.

So it made perfect sense to be a bit kind to myself that morning. Perhaps I just didn’t have enough capacity that week because of everything else going on.

At least… until I realized, about an hour and a half before noon, (so 10:30 a.m.) that I hadn’t taken my medication. Well, after mentally calling myself a dumbfuck, I went and took my medication, and then took a walk around my building. Got distracted by my neighbour’s daughter trying to teach another neighbour’s cat to tolerate a leash and harness for… longer than I would like to admit.

After I got back indoors and settled down to my desk, I then spent the next two hours banging out emails about appointments and cleaning up the ridiculous amount of database change requests. By the time 2 hours had passed I was well on track to getting some extra things I had wanted done.

I had wondered, as I was making a late lunch, if it would have taken me until I started absently reading fanfiction during working hours to realize something was amiss.

[nuadox]

Why time seems to go by more quickly as we get older

- By Christian Yates , University of Bath , The Conversation -

When we were children, the summer holidays seemed to last forever, and the wait between Christmases felt like an eternity. So why is that when we get older, the time just seems to zip by, with weeks, months and entire seasons disappearing from a blurred calendar at dizzying speed?

This apparently accelerated time travel is not a result of filling our adult lives with grown-up responsibilities and worries. Research does in fact seem to show that perceived time moves more quickly for older people making our lives feel busy and rushed.

There are several theories which attempt to explain why our perception of time speeds up as we get older. One idea is a gradual alteration of our internal biological clocks. The slowing of our metabolism as we get older matches the slowing of our heartbeat and our breathing. Children’s biological pacemakers beat more quickly, meaning that they experience more biological markers (heartbeats, breaths) in a fixed period of time, making it feel like more time has passed.

Another theory suggests that the passage of time we perceive is related to the amount of new perceptual information we absorb. With lots of new stimuli our brains take longer to process the information so that the period of time feels longer. This would help to explain the “slow motion perception” often reported in the moments before an accident. The unfamiliar circumstances mean there is so much new information to take in.

In fact, it may be that when faced with new situations our brains record more richly detailed memories, so that it is our recollection of the event that appears slower rather than the event itself. This has been shown to be the case experimentally for subjects experiencing free fall.

But how does this explain the continuing shortening of perceived time as we age? The theory goes that the older we get, the more familiar we become with our surroundings. We don’t notice the detailed environments of our homes and workplaces. For children, however, the world is an often unfamiliar place filled with new experiences to engage with. This means children must dedicate significantly more brain power re-configuring their mental ideas of the outside world. The theory suggests that this appears to make time run more slowly for children than for adults stuck in a routine.

So the more familiar we become with the day-to-day experiences of life, the faster time seems to run, and generally, this familiarity increases with age. The biochemical mechanism behind this theory has been suggested to be the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine upon the perception of novel stimuli helping us to learn to measure time. Beyond the age of 20 and continuing into old age, dopamine levels drop making time appear to run faster.

But neither of these theories seem to tie in precisely with the almost mathematical and continual rate of acceleration of time.

The apparent reduction of the length of a fixed period as we age suggests a “logarithmic scale” to time. Logarithmic scales are used instead of traditional linear scales when measuring earthquakes or sound. Because the quantities we measure can vary to such huge degrees, we need a wider ranging measurement scale to really make sense of what is happening. The same is true of time.

On the logarithmic Richter Scale (for earthquakes) an increase from a magnitude ten to 11 doesn’t correspond to an increase in ground movement of 10% as it would do in a linear scale. Each increment on the Richter scale corresponds to a ten-fold increase in movement.

Logarithmic measuring. wikicommons, CC BY-SA

Toddler time

But why should our perception of time also follow a logarithmic scaling? The idea is that we perceive a period of time as the proportion of time we have already lived through. To a two-year-old, a year is half of their life, which is why it seems such an extraordinary long period of time to wait between birthdays when you are young.

To a ten-year-old, a year is only 10% of their life, (making for a slightly more tolerable wait), and to a 20-year-old it is only 5%. On the logarithmic scale, for a 20-year-old to experience the same proportional increase in age that a two-year-old experiences between birthdays, they would have to wait until they turned 30. Given this view point it’s not surprising that time appears to accelerate as we grow older.

We commonly think of our lives in terms of decades – our 20s, our 30s and so on – which suggests an equal weight to each period. However, on the logarithmic scale, we perceive different periods of time as the same length. The following differences in age would be perceived the same under this theory: five to ten, ten to 20, 20 to 40 and 40 to 80.

I don’t wish to end on a depressing note, but the five-year period you experienced between the ages of five and ten could feel just as long as the period between the ages of 40 and 80.

So get busy. Time flies, whether you’re having fun or not. And it’s flying faster and faster every day.

Christian Yates, Lecturer in Mathematical Biology, University of Bath

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

--

Read Also

Predicting loneliness across various groups

[ockhamasylum]

As someone raised male but with that same internal ADHD, this absolutely fucked me up too. Because I wasn't externally hyper, because my dopamine-starved brain could stay glued to books for hours, because I wasn't causing a ruckus, I limped well into adulthood until officially getting a diagnosis/treatment late last year.

The worst part is that I apparently built really good systems for compensate for my ADHD. I know how to set up my schedule, make lists, arrange my belongings, use coffee, etc. I know my brain; I'm good at accommodating my needs.

And almost none of the systems work without medication. It's like building a car but not having gas. I'm left pushing an absolute brick of a brain. And until I recognized it as ADHD and was able to get a diagnosis, I never had the chance to be medicated.

With meds, everything works well enough I could cry. There's absolutely another post to make about how Adderall gives me the tools I need and makes everything snap into place, but the point is: I had no way of getting the help I needed until I was diagnosed. And thanks to the way ADHD's hyperactivity takes center stage in the conversation, no one recognized why I was struggling. I didn't even know myself until Tumblr folks voiced their experiences with internal ADHD.

...ngl, the fact that ADD and ADHD got condensed into ADHD when the hyperactivity specifically is part of the reason so many girls were simply not diagnosed drives me up the wall.

It's not that the whole name isn't bullshit, because it is. It describes the way people outside of our experience perceive us, as opposed to the difficulties that are part of our lived experience. Even from an outside standpoint, it's recognizable that "deficit" is not always the issue with our attention... but that's beside the point.

When psychiatrists noticed that ADD and ADHD were basically the same thing... they chose to favor the typical male presentation in the literal naming of the condition, and in doing so condemned a generation of girls (and other afab people) to suffer through being told they're so smart, they just don't apply themselves enough, that it's a personal failing they can't regularly turn in homework, that they're lazy for waiting until the last minute to work on an assignment... because those girls weren't hyperactive. Those girls just kind of drifted off and daydreamed in classes. Those girls doodled or wrote stories all through their school years, and functioned measurably worse when a teacher noticed they were doing that and tried to stop them. Those girls are now so many of my adult friends who are now being diagnosed with ADHD as adults, because the hyperactive part of the diagnosis almost solely applies to children (CHILDREN, when, I might note, this is a lifelong condition) who are socialized male.

We need a whole other name for the condition, because attention deficit is not our problem at all. But my god, the hyperactivity part actually ruined my life for so many years, because I had no way to explain to my dad why it physically hurt me to be bored, why I had to read or write or doodle in class in order to keep my focus, why I excelled in tests but failed at homework so my grades sucked because of that. No one even considered I might have ADHD, all through my childhood, but earlier this year I had the opportunity to go through all my grade school reports, and they could not be MORE CLEARLY talking about a child with ADHD. "Pleasure to have in class", "assignments not complete", "does not pay attention in class", "Birdie is a highly intelligent child with specific and unique needs" (I would LOVE more follow-up on that one, from third grade, do not have it). But I was a quiet and reserved child, so obviously I couldn't have ADHD.

I'm legitimately angry about it in retrospect. I went off my Adderall for a couple months recently, as an adult who only started taking Adderall as an adult, and it completely fucked up my ability to function. For years I was just out there as a teenager struggling through high school and college entirely unmedicated because as a child I was too withdrawn to be diagnosed. Fucking wild and also infuriating.