#brain empty only stupid
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IM SO FUCKING PROUD OF THISSSSSS TAKE THAT ART BLOCK EVEN MY NON-STARGATE SISTER RECOGNIZED THEM
please do not trace, colour, or otherwise add to or copy my art thank you 🩷
#stargate#stargate sg1#jack o'neill#sam carter#sam/jack#distance by christina perri#mushroom art#*flicking holy water at art block* THE POWER OF SAM/JACK REPELS YOU#mum bought me new sketchbooks because i somehow lost all feckin 20 of my empty ones#still dunno how i did that#but im back to doodling which is doing wonders bc i dont have enough ideas for a 'full drawing'#which is the only thing my stupid perfectionist brain wants to do on the computer#sketches dont 'look right' in digital art when i do them#my handwriting is shit but thats not the focus of the drawing so im still proud of it
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Undertale yellow flowey embroidery
This took about 40 hours, give or take a few
#I can tell you one thing#Embroidering while having arthritis is really not a piece of cake. When you hand cramps just by holding it at an angle.#At least I can be grateful for my empty schedule#Makes embroidering till the sun rises back up so much easier#Insomnia also helps with this task#I was listening to the ost while working on it and… Live reaction#Occupied turf is so good actually !? Why wasn’t it shown more often !? IT’S FIRE !?#I forgot I only did a pacifist so I got so confused when neutral Flowey came out…#A mother’s love ? Should’ve called this “I’m gonna fuck you up”#The number of time I got my ass handed back to me in this fight is not even funny#The first time is great. The second I only discern my favorites and the sudden change in style. By the third loop I can’t recognize shit#my brain is melting and my eyes are on fire…#Advantages on doing it during daytime. Eyes hurt less. Good stupid tv to listen to in the background Disadvantages. People#Advantages on doing it at night. Alone. Personally work better at night#Disadvantages. No good TV. Time goes by slower…? I don’t know maybe I’m just loosing it with those freaking petals#For reference one petal took me about 3 and a half hours. So yeah… I thought it would never end… Took out almost all my yellow.#When the line tangles itself in the back and you realize only close to the end of it that half went missing#So you have to go backward to entangle it and loose 30 mins because damn it#Cats are not helpful in any of those scenarios#Why do I feel the need to make the back perfect when nobody else but me will know#This is the last time I do one so big without thinking it through#Note to self. Don’t do it standing up when the cats are awake. She just destroyed my stomach#I think i’m losing it#Back after a few weeks#God this white thread is doing my head in… I’m willing to bet my leg half the time I spent on the face was me untangling it.#I’m almost done. It’s finally over. Dark brown took exactly 4 h and 13 mins#undertale#undertale yellow#embroidery#I’m thinking of doing Boris the wolf next. Because I just found the perfect rendition to put on my wall
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The fyodor hyperfixation is getting SO bad it feels debilitating 🙏
#brain is. literally empty#i cannot stop thinking of that stupid comic where nikolai says he’s going to the gym and fyodor looks horrified#“’clearly you’ve never owned an airfryer’ GET OUT OF MY HEAD DDD#misc#bsd fyodor#only for him will i bring myself to learn how to draw feet#the hypf is bleeding over to Dazai And Kunikida And Oda#I want to make a comic where ada! fyodor interacts with Kunikida and is an absolute freak about#idealism ahh duo#I can’t stop thinking about that tiktok with those two gorgeous fyolai cosplayers making cake#GET OF MY HEAD IM GOING TO FAIL MY EVONOMICS TEST TOMORROW
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resisting the urge to tag every reblog of male characters i like with ‘ i wont him’
#that stupid tweet has been the only thing in my brain for the past few hours HELP#every couple minutes its me just saying i wont him to an empty bedroom#girl u find as he'll. i wont you#cait.txt
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Wow. I have got to figure out how to run old games on my shiny, modern gaming PC, because the new Carnivores remake. SUCKS.
#carnivores dinosaur hunter#my opinion#300 frikkin credits just to use the dinosaur calls?!?#THEY WERE 100% FREE IN ALL OF THE FIRST 3 GAMES WHAT KIND OF SADIST DECIDED WE SHOULD HAVE TO PAY FOR THEM NOW!!!???#and then the dinosaurs do not react instantly and i cannot get used to that#they spot me- or i shoot them- and it's a couple of seconds before they react#or... at least that's how the steg reacts#i dunno maybe it's just cuz stegs have brains the size of a walnut#still...#it's stupid#and then throw in the dino senses being almost as super-sensitive as they were in carnivores 2#and i swear the player has only like 1 stamina wheel (loz reference XP)#i could swear i used to sprint all the way from one side of an island to another#the graphics are great tho i'll give them that#the textures the lighting the dinosaur behavior...#it all looks great#well...#except that the island's so... sparse#delphaeus hills looks like it suffered a drought#or partial deforestation#it's so barren#the textures are better but it looks so empty#anyway#i played a trial version on xbox 1 and that was enough for me#i needa play my old games again#the one update that i (very ironically) did kinda like was that a steg trampled me in one mission#totally did not expect that#it's still weird to me because why isn't the steg using its spiked tail???#but yeah i always wondered why a lot of the herbivores didn't AT LEAST trample you#but like...
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The more I think about storybrooke logistics the more my fucking brain hurts. Like. There’s the really simple stuff that can easily just be explained away by “magic” with no real thought and just a lazy piece of fucking duct tape such as: mail. Stores/restaurants being restocked. How does the money work? Taxes! What’s going on there?!?! But then there’s like BIG stuff that makes ABSOLUTELY ZERO SENSE.
Like okay fine it’s a self contained bubble of magic so things just magically restock whatever FINE. Lazy but fine.
But what about when Regina tells Emma she has to take nick and Ava (aka Hansel and Gretel) out of storybrooke to go to an orphanage in Boston? Like yeah I know it DOESNT end up happening but why would Regina even try it if “something bad happens when people leave storybrooke” (also like bruh what happens? Do they just die? Poof out of existence?? What then??
And then there’s the time Kathryn gets ACCEPTED TO LAW SCHOOL?! Bitch WHERE?!?! Ur not a real person. Do you have a social security number? Did u apply for fucking FAFSA???? Like what the literal fuck is going on
#this show is SO stupid#.ooc ( it feels so empty without me )#like okay I get that not every single detail has to be explained realistically#but like???? there’s never any explanation for any of this whatsoever and ‘magic’ just doesn’t work for everything#like I remember reading somewhere that the basic rule for describing any weird made up logic in fiction#is only going like two layers deep#and it was like if vamps can’t go in the sun why don’t they go underground#and the first layer was like oh bc there’s vampire eating alligators down there#naturally leading to the question of why tf are there alligators down there#to which the second layer was given of the underground nuns take care of them and raise them down there#and that with just those two wild scenarios u can assume there’s an answer for any other questions too#and/or the second layer can loop back to the beginning: the nuns went underground and raised vampire eating alligators to kee vampires#out of the sewers#but in OUAT there’s like. no layers to the logic lol#and if there’s any layer it’s always just magic and that’s it which is dumb#and doesn’t actually fill the plot hole#it just makes more and magic can’t always be the answer#anyway my brain hurts
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neurodiv moment sorry
I am so normal about Steven Universe omfg
I’m so normal in fact that it’s literally all I can think about and all I want to think about.
So this post will be about my faves of the series. (no order, not all of them either cuz I have a bad memory)
Amethyst---- I love Amethyst so much she is literally just me.. I relate to her so much. My only problem is that I wish the writers did more with her self esteem issues because as someone struggling with that partly bc of disability, I really saw myself in her especially in the earlier seasons. Like in the ep “Steven vs. Amethyst” I heard basically all the stuff Amethyst was saying and I was like “OH MY GOD THAT- THAT’S WHAT I SAID!!!! THAT’S ME! THATS MY EFFING TRAUMA MY GIRLLLLL!! But I was really kinda hurt when they just seemed to abandon this part of her after it got “resolved”... Like, this stuff doesn’t just go away overnight.
PEARL I love her... At first I thought I wouldn’t like her bc she seemed like just the uptight one but she is so silly and her feelings for Rose/Pink I relate to.. She is pure autism energy /pos
Garnet. Garnet is mom, I bsjhbhsc she is my mother I want her to watch Bluey with me while I sit in her lap- dcsdhdscbshcdhchs- her
YELLOW DIAMOND IS A SKRUNKLY OKAY. ACTUALLY. she is so cool and at first i really didn’t like her but in future I just. really really attached myself to her for some reason. She is goofy and a queen and an icon and i love her okay?? Don’t come for me please hfenfshfnsd
GRRR SILLY LITTLE GREMLIN BABY AUTISM I LOVE PERIDOT SO MUCH SHE’S NNHJNDJBSHBSW
GREG.. he’s so nice and very very comforting and emotionally aware. like basically the opposite of my dad and he is Therapy.
Lars... I really like Lars in Island Adventure.. he’s a little shit sometimes but i love his character development and he is just so nice and awesome in the end. I still wish Larsadie was endgame though, they had so much more history and chemistry
Okay I admit I might have a crush on Stevonnie.. Look at them they are so cool just ahh
CONNIE!!!!!!!!! she’s so nice and silly and cute i aghhhh i want to be her friend so bad she is friend shaped look at her.. hbsdcbsdh
Steven is adorable and silly and awesome and might actually be me dshbchsdhcsbbdhcdbschd
In conclusion I am gay and stupid and my head is a plinko board in which all of them are just. bouncing around being silly..
#dni radqueer antis#rq antis dni#steven universe#SU#stupid dog brain thoughts#no thoughts head empty only steven#autistic#autistic things#special interest#hyperfixation#the autism is autisming
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I'm going to make a button saying "I hate customers (especially you)" and wear it to work every day until I finally get fired (=freed from the curse)
#it's saturday and everyone is 100% more stupid and annoying and braindead than usual!#i've been here for one and a half hours and i've had over 700€ worth of cashback already#so my fucking register is empty as all hell and these stupid idiot assholes only pay with 50 and 100 bills like the monkey brains they are#i hate customers i'm going to kill them all#when the fuck will retail workers finally be replaced by robots oh my god
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not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again
#feeling more and more like a robot and less and less like a person the emptier my life gets#the future is so empty like its just work and isolation forever#i have one thing left at the end of this week and then after that its just work and family and alone#and i think numbing out completely is really the only way ill be able to cope at all#i didnt used to really be able to do that but maybe now im to the point where i just have to so its become an option#idk i also might just be lying to myself and be about to get hit really hard with how bad this all is tomorrow#job interview friday. but plausibly i dont think i can take the job even if i get it bc i just dont think i can move to nyc#i just feel like ive hit a dead end#like i was a side character in someone elses story and that person has moved on so im just like floating in stasis#bc my part of the story is over i wrote myself out of their lives so i don't really exist anymore#idk my brain is telling me all these things that i know are silly but feel so true and i just am tired and empty#sorry to be dramatic and complain again just dreading work so bad#i just dont see any path forward thats not this forever loop like i cant make or have real connections with other ppl#and thats whats supposed to make a life real and worth living#but ive never had the capacity to connect right and ive never had passion for anything and ive never been able to really love and be loved#and i dont know how to fix any of it bc honestly i dont think any of its fixable#ill always be an emotionally harmful drain on anyone i think i love and ill always be left when they realize that#and then ive just hurt another person and i dont want to be a person that just hurts people so i cant be around people anymore#but its so empty and its so lonely and i hate myself so fucking much#anyway. i sound like a pathetic whiny teenager lmao sorry i know how stupid it all is i promise
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...
#ugh. the fucking struggle of a thing i will not talk about. its just an off shoot of one of my many#obessive compulsive tendencies. it just makes me think of my dad. like hes also a fucking anxious person but hes like. i have the thoughts#but then i dont let them control me so its not an issue. and he knos i get caught up on the structure and identification of problems so#hes always like. its only an issue if its like ruining ur life. and hes right and i definitely meet the standards of both of those things#bc im fucking thinking abt these things constantly. its in my head literally all the time. every second of the day#and i mean i guess this specific thing isnt ruining my life but it certainly isnt helpful and in combo with everything else my quality of#life is not what it could b. idk it just feels all empty which is y i became a fucking workaholic#bc i just get so fucking bored stuck in these stupid patterns that at least i can make myseld useful as i drive myself nuts#it also doesnt help that im still trying to unfuck my leg and not being very successful bc theres this fucking voice in my head like#keep moving. u cant sit down. walk around. dont stop. dont stop. dont stop. i can feel the muscles getting irritated again#its unbearable bc it doesn't really even hurt. i just kno im fucking it up for myself and i have all this excess energy that i cant get rid#of bc i cant run. anyway its just irritating#i probably triggered myself by watching the bear all day lol. its so good but it reminds me of working in a shitty banquet hall when my#brain was on fire. and theyve got that toxic workahoism that i so desperately cling to. and in a weird way i can relate tho their fucked#up mom when everyones just trying to help but shes so fixated on this thing that's clearly causing her distress but shes just screaming at#them. like i mean i have insight into my issues and i try not to let them affect anyone but me but its so hard when its like. i have to do#this thing. i have to do it. i kno its bad. i kno its fucked up but shut the fuck up and let me do this. u dont fucking understand#but i wouldn't say that bc i kno its irrational. ugh. i also have to go to a lab dinner tomorrow. maybe#no time has been listed so idk. its for my leaving so im technically the focus. hate that for me. whatever. itll b fine#at least the place is within walking distance and its like less than 3 weeks until i leave#unrelated
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:/
#too many men have NO shame NO haya NO respect vallahi. it almost gets me worked up#this one guy sat next to me ON PURPOSE. the seat next to his FRIEND was empty. then along the way several more got empty#he stayed sat next to me and i'm not dumb i knew it was on purpose#then minutes before his stop he starts talking to me 'is everything well?' i dont know u and wtf do you mean#he asked several times i said yeah very weirded out#then he goes where u from are you german. then he gestures to his head saying very good meaning me wearing hijab#VOMITTTTTT WHO ARE U EW EW EW#i got so icked out cuz the audacity????? how you commenting on that?????????#i hate that it when it has to be said cuz it should be COMMON sense not to act this way not to make stranger women uncomfortable#but you like imagine someone doing this to your sister???? the fact it has to be said#the fact men dont have this common sense in their brains and only (sometimes) clock it with comparisons to their mums or sisters#before getting off he stretched out his hand to me to shake it AUUGHHHH???? NOW WE DONT KNOW THAT'S HARAM?????#had to say no two times cuz he insisted like you fr frrrrrr have to be stupid to ignore body language#cuz i was visibly weirded out. then he tapped me on my shoulder before getting off. shivers#you think it's very good when a woman wears hijab bit THEN sit right next to a non mahram woman when you couldve sat next to your friend#you look her directly in her eyes make comments about her covering (v inappropriate) THEN try shaking her hand#it's always the ones so so delusional about what theyve done wrong may Allah guide them for the sake of the women they give a hard time to#i rarely have encounters like this but i'm sure other sisters have it worse and they are TIRED#if any non muslim tries to analize this interaction to come to the conclusion that he was being normal and i'm overreacting#give it a rest xx#nesi rants
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Jon listens, Jeremiah talks
#my brain is rotting#Ive been sick and havent hsd the energy to draw in over a week and I pulled myself out of bed to draw this#in like five mins#head empty only stupid criminal men#jonathan crane#jeremiah valeska#dc#my art#ignore how out of character they are
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hm
#the depressive episode do be hitting rn#which. fine okay#but i feel so shitty#and I wish my brain worked better#I do still think I'm bipolar even tho my psychiatrist disagreed after meeting me once#and barely asking me diagnostic questions#and apparently she can't even do that#is have to be referred out for any diagnostic stuff#which is stupid#but I'm pretty sure like the first part of June I was manic lmao#and then kinda chill / stable#and now BAM depressive episode#hate this so baaad#my chest feels fucking empty like I've been hollowed out#like there's this weight and it's sinking and pulling me down with it#I just want to lay down and cry and stop hurtinh#I feel so invisible#stuff isn't even that bad technically#km just so low#and the fantasyverse server kinda sucks bc I feel out of place#and the superhero one is nice but idk how to do anything in it#and I can't even look at the oorp chat rn bc there's a flashing gif on there and I'm already like feeling weird rn#other than low as hell#I have a migraine and my hands are shaking so bad I had a kniw I had a small seizure earlier#but it's chill it was an aware one and it was only my arms and now it's not so bad#idk man it sucks and I feel like shit and u don't feel welcome in a server with my friends and my partner#and I'm scared that I'm not doing enough for my partner and I'm not in a good space mentally#but I don't want to lose them#I just know I'm doing them a disservice#I know this is the fjcking demons talking
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legit how i feel after doing an interview
#michelle speaks#i flopped so hard this time u can’t even imagine 😭 i was only asked ONE question and i flopped it soooooo bad 😭😭😭😭#i’m soooooooo stupid & dumb it’s unreal 😭😭😭😭 i have head empty disease when asked a question it’s so bad 😭😭😭😭#it was w a professor i have in the fall too so i will have to face her again now 😭 at the end she was like#i look forward to seeing u in the fall………..if nothing else. like dw ma’am i know i flopped 😔 abysmal performance from me today 😔#the problem is that bc my mouth talks and my brain turns off i sound so brainless 😭 and then i phrase smth awkwardly bc my brain catches up#w my mouth & is like what TF are u saying rn & then i try to save it but that makes it worse 😩#i become self aware i’m like wait where r u going w that & then my mouth is like 🤐 and i have to force smth out 😭#omg i want to kms so badly i have never finished an interview & did not say that was so embarrassing right after 😩#adhd my mortal enemy…….i would give anything to defeat u………#she cannot even imagine the internal conflict i had while saying those 4 dumb sentences i responded w……some struggles r invisible 😔
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#sick of this job after one week#they're so stingy and there's so many ridiculously nit-picky rules#my brain can't take it#they make everything so confusing#and there's no acknowledgement of a job well done#this was my second 5am wake up for a 7am start#and the only thing the manager does when she arrives at 2#is to tell me staff can't use plastic cups and the food fridge is too empty and I'm only allowed to put out one sausage roll at a time#that's the bit that pissed me off today#there were literally 5 of this pastry#and I rotated on time as expected#but I'm only supposed to put one out because they don't sell much#A - why the fuck do we sell them#B - what difference does putting two out instead of one make when there's 5 in the fridge#C - how are they going to sell if there's only ever one out#this job makes me feel stupid and I am NOT inexperienced at ALL in the world of food and beverages
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my family, in the middle of supporting some friends through a crisis: okay, kids in the basement. Peace, you go too, we're going to talk, your mom will explain what's going on to the best of her abilities.
Me, five minutes later: *practically vibrating with creative/anxious energy* ...nah I don't want to read even my favorite book I want my bag with things so I can m a k e. Makymake.
My brothers, about to rip their hair out: just. stop. pacing loudly. Read a book.
Me:
Me: nO.
#casually chaoses#ramblings from the void#hello there#ask me no questions and i'll tell you no lies#me five minutes earlier: stupid. empty. brain.#bc reasons#of course creative energy only comes when i am incapable of utilizing it
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