#sick of this job after one week
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#sick of this job after one week#they're so stingy and there's so many ridiculously nit-picky rules#my brain can't take it#they make everything so confusing#and there's no acknowledgement of a job well done#this was my second 5am wake up for a 7am start#and the only thing the manager does when she arrives at 2#is to tell me staff can't use plastic cups and the food fridge is too empty and I'm only allowed to put out one sausage roll at a time#that's the bit that pissed me off today#there were literally 5 of this pastry#and I rotated on time as expected#but I'm only supposed to put one out because they don't sell much#A - why the fuck do we sell them#B - what difference does putting two out instead of one make when there's 5 in the fridge#C - how are they going to sell if there's only ever one out#this job makes me feel stupid and I am NOT inexperienced at ALL in the world of food and beverages
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#hot take that doesnt feel that 'hot' if ur kid is going thru one of the most traumatic experiences of their lives#and having to do it TOTALLY alone despite it not at all being a one person job#but thats just circumstance and how the cookie crumbled#and then you offer to come pick them up and drive them home for a week of help and relaxation once the experience is over since that's#all you can offer at the time#its. kinda a fucked up move to then back out when the time comes for said promised r&r#esp when u dont seem to understand [or maybe worse yet you Do but don't care] that ur child CLUNG to and FANTASIZED abt the relief that was#on the horizon for WEEKS of HELL. like 'just a little longer and then I will finally have some help.'#'just a little longer and then I can rest'#'just a few more days and then I can lay low and recoup some expenses and have meals I don't have to solely cook whilst also rehabbing a#sick dog and trying to maintain a home whilst also working full time'#only to get to 'the day' and get a 'its not going to work out after all sorry....we are just so Busy prepping for our travel abroad next#month you know? it would be too Stressful to have a third person in the house'#YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABT STRESS RIGHT NOW????? BE SO FOR REAL----#like if u werent free fine. u dont owe me shit im grown. BUT2 PROMISE IT AND REAFFIRM IT TIME AFTER TIME AND THEN BACK OUT IN THE 11TH HOUR#SERIOUSLY???#I love them but this. fucking Hurts. and I had to pretend it Didnt so as to not make a scene
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Man.
I've just been having A Month this August.
Hopefully September will be better.
#original posts#nothing life threatening#sick with heat sensitivity in the top of the month#and now that it's cooling off (right after the one job finally fixed the fucking AC)#I have a cold and had to reschedule my next MS med infusion#also I Stepped Wrong on my bad ankle and was limping for about a week#meatspace sparky#sick dragon#chronically ill dragon
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todaY i am going to start applying for jobs. my goal is to apply to three (3) jobs before i go back to work next week. i can do this
#psyching myself up because i am so eepy#still having this level of fatigue at two weeks post op is apparently pretty common. esp for chronically inflamed folks like me soooo#knowing that helps. but still. brain fog#i have to sit and stare at a wall a bit right now to recover from hanging up my laundry before i can muster the strength to go make bfast#it's been helping to remind myself that i only have to work 3 days next week#because of new years i'm not back full time until the week after. which is two weeks from now#and with people out for the holiday it'll spread out the gushing excitement about me being back. which will hopefully make it bearable#not looking forward to the inevitable mess i'll have to clean up but. new year new metrics#and maybe some of those interviews went well and i'll have help soon#AND maybe i'll have a new job myself soon#and hopefully with a company that at least. sort of knows what it's doing#gods i'm so sick of my job ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ#personal#ok time to go make some food. hopefully that will give me some energy#if i can get one (1) application out today then i will be happy#and for the sake of keeping the bar very low and reachable that 1 DOES count the listing i applied for in summer#and evebtually got a screening interview request for. that i turned down. because it still seemed like the promotion i got in summer#was actually going to go somewhere#so i'm just gonna update my resume and refresh that cover letter then resubmit#it's a start ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
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actually so funny in retrospect how on the last wednesday of 2022 my job told me i had an “attitude problem” so in 2023 i quit that job, bought a pair of socks online that said “i ❤️ my attitude problem,” and listened to “bad attitude” by meat loaf so many times that it became my #3 most played song of the year
#the attitude problem was literally not even in the room with us if you know what i mean.#literal examples she gave were ‘you talk to your coworkers in the break room about stuff that happened on a shift they didn’t work’#and ‘you ask me too many questions about the job and it makes me uncomfortable’#this after i’d been working there 16 months. clocked in 5 minutes early every single day.#had called out sick 3 times ever at that point and all because i was actually sick. all times i was sick for like a week#and still only called out one day.#spent 6 months closing registers every night while on the schedule as the cleaner.#once spent over an hour of my one precious life cleaning the dirtiest and nastiest cart of all time#because we had so few because they kept getting stolen.#went above and beyond every single day and was consistently rated ‘exceeds expectations’ on performance reviews.#and they had given me a 15-cent performance raise after telling me i was the best cleaner of all time.#and then they raised the starting wage to $17.25 and my 15-cent raise was nullified so in the end it didn’t even matter.#and i was paying $1425 a month for a no oven shithole with thin walls and insane neighbors#AND THEY REALLY THOUGHT I’D RATHER BE PROMOTED THERE THAN JUST QUIT AND KEEP THE ATTITUDE!!!
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#just need to bitch about my new job for a minute#first of all - so lucky and happy to have a job i will say that#been unemployed for two months and i need something to pay the bills#but...the fucking 'no one wants to work' of it all is such bullshit#so this new company starts you at $13/hr#not great but considering i live in rural america it's way worse around here#they're remote but their definition of remote is that you can only work from your house no where else#you get two days off per week but it's not two days back to back#if you're full time you get extra holiday pay but there are no holidays off#if you're part time fuck you you just have to work#full time employees get 10 vacation days and 6 sick days#part time you just get so many unpaid hours off#like...i'm working part time because i'm hoping to get actual work in my field#but you're telling me if i was full time i'd get /16 days/ of paid time off per year?#but also i'm not allowed to go anywhere else while i work??#like i have family just out of state that i could pop over and see on a long weekend or even a short one#but i don't even have two days back to back so i just can't go see them without taking time off#and like...probably i can just use a vpn and it won't be a big deal#and i'm hoping this is a super temporary thing and i can actually use my degree#but like /fucking hell/ of course no one wants to work in conditions like this!#i know it's work from home and there are some perks to that but not enough to make up for everything else#also not them telling me during my interview that after training you don't have to be on camera#but during out first day today being told we have to 'earn the privilege'#bitch please it's fucking chat support#i am just so tired of employers thinking that it's a privilege for us to work for them#it's a privilege for you to have me honestly#oh and also if you run out of days off you don't get unpaid time off#they just start giving you strikes#like our trainer is really nice and great but also she's trying to sell this 10 days off as some kind of amazing thing#in the us that's /fine/ if you also get the holidays off!
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#apparently I’m not done being mad about this I’m sorry guys I gotta vent#my dad is like an ox and never sick and like not very understanding with health issues/general illness#which you’d think he would have been after having me the super sickly child with a ton of health issues but no#we have a positive Covid case in the house and I have the same fucking symptoms I just started later#I have taken two tests- one yesterday and one today#and he yelled at me saying I’m wasting tests and also that I’m apparently fine which like#even if I somehow don’t catch covid I’m still sick but okay dad 🫠#if it helps put things into a better perspective… did yall know that back in November after I had my 3rd fucking endometriosis surgery#he asked why I was off work for two weeks and why I didn’t go back the day after surgery?#like I had had this surgery twice before and at home recovery was also two weeks both those times#but moreover like sir I have 3 incisions in my abdomen and my job requires me to left 50lbs???#at which point he still insisted I was fine and was just being ‘dramatic’ 🙃#I wanna fucking scream#I’m lissed the fuck off#did yall know he nearly got me killed once because I had neurovirus and he refused to take me to the er?#I eventually lost consciousness from severe dehydration- he thought I was sleeping and continued to argue with my mom that I was fine 🫠#they eventually took me but I was unconscious for several hours and it took five bags of iv fluid for me to regain consciousness#and the doctor estimated I was about two hours away from death so like#yeah#if that gives yall a better idea of the shit I’m putting up with#I have like zero tolerance for dealing with his bullshit when I’m sick#it’s the trauma from not fucking being believed for years of my life about any of my illnesses#and like also the fucking almost dying part#fun times 🫠#I’m sorry I’m ranting so much today I’m just really fucking done and have no other outlet 🙃
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#in the last week my mom has gotten a new couch#a new stereo#and a new cat#I have gotten stuck making sure my current cat and dog get along with the new one#I have started orienting at a new job#I have had to decide if I'm going on leave from or quitting my old job#I had a fever of 103.3#I started 6 new supplements to try and stop me from getting sick again (second time I had a fever that high in 2 weeks bby)#(enough to make me almost throw up if I take them all at once so I now have to take pills 3 times a day#so I only feel like throwing up a little {we're gonna ignore the fact that I've already f'd up remembering to take them 2ce#in the 2 days I've been on them cause adhd})#and I think this might actually be my limit#anyways I just had a massive meltdown cause the new sofa is only comfortable to sit on and if I try to lie down on it I'm uncomfortable#and lying down on the couch and doing stuff on my computer/knitting/drawing is how I relax after a rough day/if I'm having a migraine/etc#all of which I'm dealing with rn ofc#so that just sent me over the edge#and I am yet again convinced I can never be a good wife and mother because I could never subject my spouse#let alone my children to existing in the same space as me when I get like this#there were only 3 or four times I can remember my dad getting like this#but I remember those times so vividly#we never inherit just the good stuff from our parents we always have to fall right into the same pitfalls despite swearing we never would
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Ohh I'm feeling not good rn.
#guess after being sick for weeks I did not have time to get over loosing the job for the same reason i was afraid id never survive in the#workplace long term. really my worst fears about being completely unemployable confirmed#even if the job wasn't right for me. it was the one reason I can't change
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#Man I even feel sick seeing photos I've taken at work#This is gonna be a miserable few weeks/months until I can find another job#Idk how I'm even gonna be able to handle going in tomorrow EVERYTHING is gonna fall apart now that he's gone I'm so fucking mad#He did so much extra for us that they didn't even consider when firing him. Guess we all get to test road safety ourselves after storms now!#No one to gift us drinks on stressful days. No one to handle the shitty clients who start attacking us.#I hope the clinic suffers. I hope this stupid organization falls apart. I want out NOW
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still sick but alive, unfortunately 🤧
#last morning when i got up i wasn't at all sure i'd live to see the release of deadzone lol#since then i've been able to walk and stand up somewhat normally without wanting to cry and/or die#last night i slept more than the two previous nights combined. which still isn't that much but at least i did sleep#i did also wake up so completely drenched in my own sweat (from mild fever going down after i had taken a painkiller for a headache)-#-that i had to get up and dry myself with a towel 😂#and there was a huge wet spot (of sweat) on my bed where i had lied 🙂#i have lost three fourths of my vocal range so i can't e.g. laugh#(not that i've had a whole lot to giggle about these past few days 💀)#i'm bummed out i can't do preparations for my new job#i definitely should've started earlier but i would've had plenty of time this week had i not caught the cold at the stupid festival 🤧#i did not plan this! besides i'm not gonna start working weeks ahead for a job i'm not even getting paid for yet#for the same reason no one can expect me to work while sick for a job i haven't gotten a single penny from#hell even if i WAS paid no one could expecte me to work while sick#so i shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to work on my fic instead of the course plans#which btw i already sort of have because my predecessors gave me practically ALL the material i might need#so all i reallly need to do is change the dates of the course plans and bob's your uncle#but i'd like to also study the material a bit before teaching it so that i'll at least seem like i know what i'm talking about 💀#mom said on the phone that i've managed situations like this before so i will manage this too and she's right i guess but 😭😭😭#but yeah i guess this is some sort of developement from last year when i had the 'rona-#-and felt awful about ordering food/groceries in because ''i don't want to be a bother'' 😂
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ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.
#purrs#delete later#idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every#single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional#needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t#those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t#this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone#but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o#course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and#i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved#mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or#whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a#week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be#writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all#the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality#is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents.#and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments#where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them#comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so#painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i#haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that#kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im#crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i#missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever.#and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read#the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are#closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom#to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess.#also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and#that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk
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this has been a difficult, awful week only for it to end friday at 3pm with an invitation to interview for a management position next week.
#like of all the times to finally get an interview#and im extremely preoccupied with something#plus ofc today is my only day off#i feel like i have no time for regular job stuff ive been so stressed out#then add that this had been one of the worst weeks of my life#and that it will continue next week#im already dreading tuesday and then after tuesday to see what happens#and then i have a program with my director thursday i havent even started preparing for#and then friday i have the interview#literally all of my brain space has been used this week worrying myself sick and now i need to prepare for an interview#todays my only day to go shopping for an interview outfit since i work sun-thurs#i havent interviewed in almost 6 years#and im not like completely sold on this job#i just cant believe everything seems to be happening all at once#literally any other time i woukdve been so much more excited and chill#this fall has been awful#this whole year has kinda fucking sucked tbh#at least i did get a manager interview though i guess 😩#i was starting to think i was never gonna even get the opportunity to try for the next level#me
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BESTIES!!!! wish me luck pls! omg im so nervous in my car lmao
#its employed girl summer and this is the job that could possibly set me free from my horrible other job omg#im so nervous and excited#im inhaling this energy drink (im only here for two hours today lol) and im NERVOUS LMAO#silly how the only thing getting me through is the joe keery/quinn content i will inhale aftet#if you come across it rb it for me <3 i wanna see it hehehehehehhehehe#im shaking in my boots omg#also im wearing trousers and they are giving me an oppenheimer waist and i get it now…. i feel so powerful omg#work rn and possible splitting of an atom later 😌#(im kidding im not smart enough for that but i cannot shut up bcs im nervous so im rambling)#i feel SO SICK LMAO BUT NOT REALLY IM JUST NERVOUS AFTER I SPENT THE WHOLE WEEK SAYING I WASNT LMAO#AHHHHHHHHH#okay besties! gtg i will be back to being silly after i get out and i will update the void <3#txt.post#personal!#<- felt i might start this tag mayhaps#one more scream before i go AJDJFJJSJD-&;&&:$;@:$;@/#okay bye <3 hope you all are having a good day and if you read all this ily omg
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oh my god am i so fucking tired
#work ended two hours ago but still just so so tired#to be fair it was my first shift back in two weeks after that GODFORSAKEN cold#tales from diana#i was very anxious to do this last night. i had a hard time falling asleep#didnt get as much sleep as i wanted but i still did sleep#i had a half-day kindergarten job originally but when i got there they switched me to full day fifth grade#and it sure was a full day of fifth grade#theyre doing this thing right now in the fifth grade where they switch classes and go to the different teachers#to prepare for middle school. i get it i get it it's a good system#but i did have to teach a one-hour writing class three times to like sixty kids in total#it's a lot. AND i had to do a lunch duty god forbid#tomorrow im subbing full-day for a different kindergarten teacher and since im goin there i doubt theyll send me anywhere else#unless i guess someone else abruptly calls out sick but like. uhhh i just wanna do this k class ive been w them like 4 times this month#theyre easy i know these kids they dont scare me#and in early childhood ed theres always like at least a para or two#in the older grades im lucky if theres one para but today there were none#all day. goooood im tired
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If I got covis I'm throwing myself into the sea
#rambles#i think its just a really shitty cold#but it would be sooo funny if i got it while home alone for a month#immediately after already taking a week off work for vacation#at my very new job#whadever#like tbh its good if no one is home so no one gets sick but. ugh#boyfrjend had to leave and my body went aha. die#i was masking everywhereeee
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