#brain coming up with ideas to distract from reality big time

[seeminglyseph]

I think to cope while I watch I’m gonna look at LARP costumes and put together a Karna fan design specially because I. Like costume design. So. Maybe. I can draw some concept stuff. And just. Practice fandom longevity. Just because it’s over doesn’t mean I have to stop caring. I can care forever.

I can care about Karna for like 30 years if I want to and no one can stop me. Come to Canada and make me. XP

[aperrywilliams]

Under the Rain (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(Not my gif. Credits to the creator!)

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Author Masterlist

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Reader is waiting for Spencer in a restaurant to celebrate their 2nd anniversary. What happens when Spencer doesn't show up?

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending. Spencer fucked up but Reader loves him.

A/N: It's winter on this side of the world, and the rain makes me kind of sad.

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Is there anything worse than your boyfriend standing you up in a fancy restaurant on your 2nd anniversary? Yes, being stood up by your boyfriend in a fancy restaurant on your 2nd anniversary day while outside it’s raining cats and dogs.

That's worse. And pathetic.

You feel pathetic, sitting in that chair, all dolled up and waiting. You arrived at 19:30, and now your watch reads 20:45. No sight of Spencer.

What the fuck?

He was the one who suggested a romantic dinner in this very restaurant. He was the one who told you to make reservations. How could he forget it? You knew there wasn’t an active case. The very Penelope told you it was paperwork day when you texted her in the afternoon.

In the past hour, you dialed his number several times. You were worried at some point: what if something terrible happened to him? But you know bad news travels fast, so you assumed he didn’t show up just because he forgot. Deep down, you wanted there to be another explanation because if he only forgot, that would strengthen the idea of how little you mean to him.

Sensing the pitiful looks the hostess and the waitress sent you occasionally, you only wanted to dig a hole and disappear.

When the clock marked 21:00, you gave up. You asked the hostess for your coat and left the place completely silent.

The rain pouring outside was the perfect scenario for your current mood. You thought about calling a cab in front of the restaurant, but you only wanted to be far from that place as soon as possible, so you started to walk in the rain.

Goodbye to the stylish hairstyle that took you hours to achieve. Goodbye to the makeup you put so much effort into doing.

Striding along the sidewalk, you made sure to step on each water puddle you found along the way as you recalled every moment in the past months you felt Spencer away from you. And not only physically as when he was in a case. It was more than that. It was each morning he didn’t say I love you before leaving your shared apartment. It was each text he didn’t send telling you he was coming home or leaving for a case. It was each coffee you didn't share in the morning. It was each animated chat in the middle of the night you didn't have.

Were you being dramatic? You knew Spencer’s tendency to distract and engage in whatever his job could present him. In any other circumstances, you could have understood. Not tonight, though. Not when it was supposed to be your night together celebrating this milestone. The two years of love you thought were strengthening your relationship. How blind you have been. How naive.

You kept wandering on the streets with no destination. You didn’t want to come back to the apartment. You didn’t know where else to go either. So you kept walking.

-

Spencer Reid is a man with an eidetic memory. Everybody knows that. He can remember every piece of information people usually wouldn’t recall. He knows almost everything about anything. But even with his big brain, he sometimes has trouble keeping track of his own life. Like today.

Engrossed in a pile of manila folders from old cases, he lost time. A task meant to take just an hour or so kept him occupied and entertained for almost four hours. Emily’s voice was the only thing that brought him back from those files to reality.

“You still here?” Emily asked with a frown. Spencer looked at her oddly.

“Yeah. I was looking for patterns in our last cases in the northwest. What Tara said about the mixed murder weapons sounded familiar to me,” he explained before rubbing his eyes. He didn't notice how tired he felt until Emily interrupted him.

“Spencer, it’s almost 10 pm. And there is no active case. You can resume this tomorrow. I even thought you had plans today?”

‘10 pm’ and ‘plans today’ was enough to bring Spencer to realization.

“Fuck!” He yelped, jumping from his seat and freezing immediately, not knowing what to do.

“What?” Emily asked, seeing the panic in Spencer’s eyes.

“Shit. Shit. Shit,” he repeated over and over as he reached for his phone in his satchel.

“What is it, Reid?”

“Emily. I was supposed to be in a restaurant with (Y/N) tonight! It’s - uh - it’s our second anniversary,” he, visibly embarrassed, finished the sentence.

Emily shut her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Reid? How on earth do you forget something like that?”

“I don’t know! I - I don’t really know. Fuck. I’m an asshole!” He checked the phone: twenty missing calls. Why he left it on mute?

“Stop complaining and do something! Come on! Move your ass out of here if you want a chance of not being precisely kicked in the ass by her,” Emily instructed. She knew Spencer needed directions when he was freaking out.

Spencer rechecked his watch. It read 10:05 pm.

Swearing under his breath, he dialed your number, which went straight to voicemail. Putting his coat on, he tried again while rushing to the elevator. Maybe you were still at the restaurant? Getting in the first cab he found, Spencer headed there.

Once he arrived, he asked the hostess about you. The girl told him you left after 9 pm.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He called you again with no success. This time you turned off your phone. Spencer’s stomach was a knot, and his heart hurt imagining you sitting alone, waiting for him.

Were you at home? Spencer guessed you wouldn't want to see him, so it was less probable. Should he go there anyway and wait for you? No. You deserved better than that. He would look for you even if it could take all night. Taking a cab, he decided to check the apartment - just in case - and grab his car keys.

As expected, you weren’t in the apartment. Spencer faced the darkness and coldness of the place, and a chill ran down his spine—the fear of losing you forever.

In the car, he thought, where you could be. It was still raining, and Spencer feared you were getting soaked and frozen, God knows where.

It was at this kind of moment Spencer wanted his eidetic memory, and all the knowledge in his brain could help to compensate for the dose of common sense he lacked.

‘Come on, Spencer. Think. For once in your life, do it for what is really important for you.’

-

Spencer parked and rushed out of the car, hoping his hunch was correct. He was in a park. Not any park, though. It was where he met you three years ago—where his life changed forever and for the better for once.

You were in a swing, moving softly back and forth, your feet touching the ground. Your eyes focused on the rain collecting in the nook you created with your feet in the mud.

“(Y/N)!” Spencer called once he spotted you. The rain muffled the sound of his voice.

Your eyes didn’t leave the ground. At first, you thought you were imagining things. It could have been wishful thinking that your boyfriend really cared about you. He called again, and now your brain obliged your eyes to look toward the voice’s source.

Spencer was in a corner where the park's playground began. He was looking at you and wanted to run to you, but the fear you could run away made him stay there, as the rain dampened him.

The sight of you broke him. You were utterly soaked. Your coat and lovely black dress were ruined, and your face with traces of smeared makeup. He could even spot your bloodshot eyes, swollen from crying.

He caused that. And Spencer hated himself for it.

Seeing you didn't say anything, barely acknowledging his presence, Spencer dared to take some steps forward. Your numb body didn't even flinch.

“(Y/N). I’m sorry,” were his first words. Expectable but useless for you. “I fucked it up. I’m sorry. I should have been there. I wanted to be there with you,” he apologized, giving a few steps closer to you. Not looking at him, you mumbled.

“But you weren’t. And if you really wanted to have been there, you would have.” Your voice was low and husky. You sounded tired and defeated. It was worse for Spencer. For him, you should be yelling. Telling him how hurting you were. How an asshole he was.

“Baby, there is no excuse for what I did. The last thing I want in my life is to hurt you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Spencer’s voice broke with each word.

What had he done? Why? How can he be so stupid? He loves you. You’re the most important person in his life, so why did he do that to you? How can he fix it?

Still not looking at him, you spoke again.

“I can’t understand, Spencer. It was our anniversary. You were the one who suggested doing it,” you remind him. He nodded, kneeling in front of you. It didn’t matter the mud, and it didn’t matter the rain still falling. Spencer needed to look at your eyes to explain himself.

“I’m an idiot. I lost track of time and forgot,” he mumbled. You held up your head and finally looked at him.

“You forgot? So it's true I’m not that important to you,” you concluded sadly. Spencer’s eyes widened.

“No! Don’t say that!” he pleaded.

“Am I wrong? I don’t think so.” Your chin wobbled, but you needed to say it. “I know your job is important, Spencer. I do. And I never wanted to compete with that because I thought I didn’t have to. But after these past months, I think I need to get used to the idea I lost you already,” you acknowledged with a pained sob betraying you. It was the pang of the meaning behind your own words.

The memories of the past months flashed before Spencer's eyes. And there he saw it. The kisses he didn't give you, the 'I love you' he didn't tell you. The nights he didn't sleep by your side—all the things he has been missing.

He realized that although he never doubted his love for you, he stopped nurturing it and took it for granted.

Crying, he took your hands, and by divine grace, you didn't push him away.

No words he could say would be enough to convey how sorry he was. But he needed to try because he didn’t want to lose you. You needed to know he loved you and that you owned his heart. You needed to know he just realized he made a mistake, and he wants to fix it.

“The first time I saw you in this very place, you were slowly swaying in this exact spot with your eyes focused on the book in your hands. I was so mesmerized that I never thought I would get the nerve to talk to you, you know? But I did. And when I saw the warm look you gave me when I asked you if you had read the author's biography, I felt my heart warming as never before. And when I heard your laugh after I clumsily tried to flirt with you? I swear it was the sound I wanted to hear for the rest of my life,” Spencer confessed, eyes sparkling at the memory. You fondly recalled it too. You never liked to talk with strangers all of a sudden, but with Spencer? It felt natural and right.

“You let me in in your life. You opened your heart to me and taught me how to do that too. You realized I’m not the best student in those matters, though,” he chuckled, seeing your nod.

“Despite that, you believed in me. You gave me a chance to love you, and I swear loving you has been the most natural thing that has ever happened to me. You have made me so happy (Y/N). You have no idea. And that is the problem. I have not known how to love you the way you deserve. I hadn't realized what I was doing. I'm sorry. I spent much of my life fending alone, not walking with anyone by my side. And I know that does not excuse my behavior. Even so, I dare to ask for an opportunity to prove you do not have to compete with my job. Give me a chance to prove to you I can be better. I can be the man who deserves your love. Please let me gain back your love and the privilege to hear you laugh again."

Spencer was almost out of breath when he was done speaking. You mulled in his words as his hands enveloped yours, patiently awaiting your response. Would you give him a chance?

As the rain continued pouring down, your eyes focused on him, still kneeling before you with hopeful eyes.

You know he loves you. Even if he needs to be better at proving it to you. And you love him even if you feel hurt for what he did. You both would have to work to make it work. You both deserved the chance, though.

The answer to his question was clear then.

You hopped off the swing and kneeled, not releasing his hands grasp and pulling him to catch his lips with yours. He kissed you back with everything he had. When both parted, you smiled at him, and Spencer was trying to figure out what that meant. You spoke to make it clear.

“Please, just don't make me regret being in this same place three years ago.”

Spencer earnestly shook his head.

“I won’t. I promise,” he told you before kissing you again under the rain.

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Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine​ @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @tvandfanfic​ @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @disaster-in-waiting @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger

[fraudulent-cheese]

OK OK OK SO MY BRAIN HAS BEEN GOING INSANE ABOUT AMICUS CURIAE SO I NEED TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT!!!!

Spoilers for the fic under the cut (duh), link to read it is here, goooo do that!!!

OK SO. The main conflict am i right

Right now we are in a fluff sweet spot where most of the teams are on friendly terms and the main 6 aren't in conflict. However considering what the author has posted to their TD blog recently, it's definitly not staying that way.

Hell even in the current chapters it's probably not staying that way, considering Courtney's 100% caught on that there's something going on between Noah and Alejandro, and in return Alejandro's detected Courtney's crush for Emma.

So yeah! Im predicting that's gonna be the cause of the big rift that happends between the best friends; both of their feelings are going to get in the way of the win eventually in a big way. Maybe Courtney will get distracted by Emma or Alejandro's going to try to keep the Pros in the game in a way that handicaps the Best Friends for the challenge, and it'll blow up in their face, and past events are gonna be brought up and they're gonna get HURT.

I think Courtney's main reasons for being annoyed at Alejandro and Noah's friendship (outside of Courtney would like to win thanks) is her wanting Alejandro to not get hurt; Noah's already betrayed him (from his perspective), she wouldn't want him getting stabbed in the back again. I dout he'd do that, but Courtney doesn't know that!

Also whenever she'll figure out it's romantic, she's certaintly going to discourage Alejandro to go for it during the show. Dating on Reality TV is not a good idea, they both have negative experiences with it, Courtney especially. Neither would want to go through that again, so conflict arising from it makes sense.

Also also, Courtney might be afraid of losing Alejandro,,, she's lost friends due to relationship drama in the past, hell she's still struggling with the after-effects of her trust being broken so many times. So seeing Alejandro be genuine with someone else? Yeah she's not gonna react well. Im basing this off the line "Alejandro's supposed to only be genuine with her" Because it says ALOT. To me.

This is 100% aromantic projection hour but Societytm constantly pushes romantic relationships as more important than platonic ones, an impression reinforced in media and especially tabloids - Courtney and Alejandro have already been mistaken for a couple in this fic by one of the main characters due to their closeness - so i wouldn't be shocked if either had internalised this and fears losing their one actual friend because they're crushing on someone else.

I don't think Alejandro's expressed much derision for Courtney's crush on Emma yet? So im not sure the conflict on his end would come from that. I think his main issue is trying to push himself too much out of a sense of obligation to be performing at his best all the time (especially now at the final 8 teams and non elimination rounds being pretty random so far) + his guilt over previous performances in challenges. It's 100% going to bite him or Courtney (because i dout she doesn't have similar over working tendencies) in the ass in a MAJOR way in an upcoming challenge. That and their respective competitiveness is probably gonna hurt them in a major way.

FINAL NOTE: I have no fucking clue how this can happen if the final POV's not Courtney but it would be so fucking cool if the closing lines of Amicus Curiae were a parallel to the "This is a terrible idea" that Courtney kept repeating in chapter 1, you know bring it full circle and stuff.

God this post is long

[novisius]

So, I'm one of those people that imagines atleast animatics in my head whenever I hear music. And as much as I love Epic the Musical, I don't feel like there is enough 'non actually the odyssey' content out there (though there is some of that content and I do enjoy it).

I have a favorite song from each saga (though they are contentious for several sagas).

So, more or less just to through it out as an idea that can be disloged from my brain, I've imagined and possess little skill to make alive, animatics which follow particular themes/fandoms I enjoy.

Troy Saga: Just A Man; MTG, more specifically my pocket realms thing I have. Someone from the Boros realm gets trapped in the Mono-Red realm and has been there for years, fighting a 'werewolf dynasty' and has finally won...but at what cost?

Cyclops Saga: Survive; Lancer. In my Dead Orbit setting, prime NHPs and all of their copies eventually find themselves in the Aunic domains where they act as godlike eldritch maths that they are. Now that only really matters for the purposes of Ruthlessness in this setting. But on the Aunic worlds, which have been changed through the warping of reality by their eldritch gods, many of their 'children' are granted mech bodies to live out an existence in. Basically, monsters exist on Aunic worlds and they are just mechs piloted by math that breaks reality. Though, this one may be similar to Toothy from Forever Winter in how it fuels itself. I mean, just imagine if 'club' actually meant 'big fuck off cannon'.

Storm Saga: Keep Your Friends Close; Cosmere (RPG). So, in the space age of my relatively homebrew cosmere setting, spren that are known across the cosmere become sort of cosmic forces (for example, a 'cosmic cryptic's' head pattern may actually just be a black hole). And a 'cosmic Honorspren' that is closer to a windspren than most Honorspren (similar to Syl) bottles up a cognitive realm storm for a ship.

Circe Saga: Wouldn't You Like; This one is a weird one, Destiny. Given the death of the witness and a recurring theme of The Guardian growing past the need for a Ghost, I imagine there comes a time where Ghosts are temporary for a rare few. And honestly, Odysseus and the crew are Eliksni who happen to be getting some temporary godliness from a Ghost to deal with a Guardian who is blocking their way. Why? :shrug: Why not?

Underworld Saga: No Longer You; Tyranny. So, time magic is a thing in Tyranny. But the prophet is not just someone who uses Time magic, but is the Fatebinder asking questions of the prophet. By the end of the song, the prophet has sent the Fatebinder to the past, completing a time loop (as the prophet had the same happen to himself centuries beforehand.)

Thunder Saga: Scylla; Now I hadn't thought on what I would even do for this, in theory I could easily double up on Lancer here, but the felt wrong in a way that I can not put into words. Instead, I chose something that came out of left field for me: Warhammer 40k. My Hive Fleet Valkyrie are proficient in space combat and rely on autonomous Genestealer Cults. The six torches are choirs on six ships lighting up to distract the Hive Fleet from the rest of the navy fleet until they can travel out of the shadow, Scylla singing here being the Norn Queen.

Wisdom Saga: Love In Paradise (I like the Aphrodite and Ares parts, I think the others were weak by comparison, fight me); Odyssey. I could do something else like Godbound, which I enjoy significantly, but man...the animatic in my head is just dark and depressing no matter how I slice it in the end anyways, so I'm sorta just avoiding thinking about Odysseus getting dragged back into the bed by a literal goddess.

I won't say btw that the ideas aren't strange or tenuous, but comment about any of them you feel like commenting on, or if you recognize one of them, or something. Or if you want to tell me how my choices are 'wrong' and 'tasteless' or 'how could you pick that one over the one that is your favorite and thus the objective choice'.

[librathefangirl]

Got any rambles for any of these?

Thanks for sharing your wip list!

OH DO I!

Demon Bros Comfort Nuzzles

This is a fic solely dedicated to the headcanon that demons nuzzle to show affection. It all started with me seeing a post about affectionate nuzzles from caretaker and I then promptly had two thoughts: 1. What if demons nuzzle to show affection? And 2. I wanna write about Mel and Zel giving each other comfort nuzzles. So basically, it's gonna be a fic about times throughout the years when the brothers have done just that. It might be organized as a 6+1 fic, but it might also be more times than that, or just an "x times..." styled fic. I haven't decided yet. I guess it depends on how the inspiration goes. (That said, if anyone has any cute or angsty scenarios they wanna see, I'm all ears!)

Also, this hc has taken up permanent residence in my brain (along with the "Mel used to call Merlin 'kiddo'" and the demon thermoregulation hcs, and possibly also the demon heartbeat hc (see below)). So don't be surprised if affectionate demon nuzzled start showing up in my other fics too - especially from Mel, but also from Zel, and maybe even Ellie (having picked up the behavior from Mel).

Whumptober - Meliodas & The Boar Hat Regulars

This one is all your fault thanks to you actually, for getting me attached to the idea of the Boar Hat Regulars and their weird but caring relationship with Meliodas, and also for inspiring the plot of this fic. I was originally aiming to write it for Whumptober, but never got around to it (because of life and mental health and October doesn't like me and whatnot). The prompts for Day 15 were "Makeshift Bandages", "Suppressed Suffering", and "I'm fine" - which I decided went together perfectly for poor Mel, in a fic taking place during the 10 years of the Sins being split-up and framed.

Basically, Meliodas gets into some trouble (of yet-to-be-determined origin) and then decides to go on with his day as if nothing happened. He learns the hard way why running a tavern while actively bleeding is a bad idea. Our heroes of the story are going to be two regulars and one very confused/freaked out first-timer (possibly with some other patrons around too - I haven't decided on how big of a character group I wanna work with yet - oh and Hawk I guess).

Zel gets distracted by Mel's heartbeat and everything changes

I actually shared a bit about this one back in July. Unfortunately, I haven't made much progress since then - mostly because I'm not exactly sure how the plot is gonna progress from here. I had an idea, then changed my mind about part of it, then had a better idea, but forgot about it, and now I'm just trying to figure out where I want to take the fic.

Sometimes a story starts with a demon bros thought and some demon lore. - a note from the actual document lol. But yeah, this is a demon bros angst fic taking place, or at least starting off, during the fight between Mel and the 10C in Vaizel; then it goes canon-divergent (when and how is the thing I haven't decided on yet). The lore part comes in with the fact that demons can tell each others' heartbeat apart, and the heartbeat also changes subtly (but noticeably to a demon) depending on number of hearts and stuff.

Somewhere, somewhen, somehow since his last death, Meliodas lost a heart (not like ripped from his chest, but broken/damaged/not beating). So Zeldris ends up having an internal crisis during the Meliodas murder, over the fact that Meliodas' heartbeat (which he still knows by... well, heart(s)) has changed and the wrongness of it all and being faced with the reality that the big brother who had always felt invincible was in fact not that. This is what leads to the canon-divergence, because Zel can't just forget about it (which means "everything changes" either during the fight or sometime after it - again, to be determined).

A little sneak peek (even though I've shared it before because this post doesn't have any sneak peeks yet!):

It shouldn’t have been such a staggering thought. A demon only needed one heart to survive. Zeldris had grown up in war. He knew plenty of demons who had lost hearts. But at the same time, to him, his brother had always felt invincible. He’d led armies way older than himself. He’d turned every demon against him without fear. He still stood here after 3,000 years, opposing their father once again. Even like this, surrounded in a nine-to-one fight, the idea that Meliodas was just as vincible as the rest of them felt almost foreign to Zeldris.

(Full sneak peek can be found in this post)

Wrath of Light (You'll have to go through me)

This is one of my remaining Febuwhump stories (hoping to get them all done this year at least lol). It's for Day 23, and the prompt "You'll have to go though me" (so the actual title of the fic is just "Wrath of Light").

I've shared a little sneak peek about it before (here - I think you saw that one back when I posted it?), but here's some proper info: it's taking place in some undefined-timeline (Elizabeth has her full powers and memories, but there's still a war against the demons?), there's a big fight happening, and tbh our heroes are getting their butts kicked for the moment, Meliodas gets badly injured, and Elizabeth snaps. Or, in other words, she reminds everyone that while she mostly uses her goddess powers to heal, she is no less dangerous than the demons they fight. It's also from Hendrickson's perspective, which I thought was an interesting pov for this fic, given his history with the druids and their view on the goddesses and demons.

You could also summarize this fic in three words: Protective Badass Elizabeth.

Here's another sneak peek:

Never before had Hendrickson truly considered the destructiveness of her power. He’d always seen it like the princess herself; bright and gentle. Before now, it had been healing. Offering miracles at death’s door. Saving soldiers in battle. Even after her true self had shown, even as the light proved lethal to demons, it had always felt safe. There was nothing gentle about the light surging from Elizabeth now. Hendrickson had only ever seen Meliodas' wrath when Elizabeth’s life was threatened. Never the reverse; not until now. Perhaps in the end, the two weren’t that different at all.

As you've seen by now, I talked about the other wips you asked about (and more) in another ask.

WIP Tag/Ask Game!

[aria0fgold]

A confession of wishes for a future without you.

Ren sat up from the bed, he couldn't sleep. He's been lying down for hours now, eyes closed even, and yet he still couldn't find his own sleep. Morgana laid beside him, sound asleep. He carefully got up, so as to not disturb him. Making sure to walk quietly in his room while looking for something, anything to help him sleep. A book, a distraction, whatever it is that he can find. So he began his search and not even a minute later, stumbled upon a box. One far too familiar that he froze when he saw it. How many months had it been since he had that box now? He doesn't know, didn't want to keep track of that time, didn't even want to think about anything in regards to it at all.

A small black box with intricate designs painted in red, it wasn't locked, in fact, it can easily be opened. But Ren never did open it. He didn't want to, he didn't want to know what's inside it, didn't want to face the reality that Kaito— that he— that his friend is… He wanted to bathe in the pool of lies he made for himself, that Kaito's sudden disappearance isn't too much of a big deal, that someday, maybe just maybe, he'll come back again. He continued to lie to himself like that, ever since Kaito disappeared.

Perhaps, it's time to face reality once more.

Ren took a deep breath, opening and closing his hand in an effort to steady its trembling, in an effort to gather enough courage to open the box he had been avoiding ever since he first saw it, days after he lost all contact with Kaito. It was hidden underneath the bed, Ren moved it somewhere else, farther from him yet in its own safe place. Just like what he wished and hoped for Kaito as well, far from him yet safe. So he kept wishing, over and over again.

Please be safe, please be safe, please be safe.

That's how wishes work, right? To think it three times, say it thrice, and believe with all your heart for it to be real. So he held onto that hope. No matter how small it was, he held onto it like a precious gem nestled within his palm, threatening to shatter at the slightest jolt.

Ren took a few more deep breaths, until finally, he reached for the box and lifted its lid. In it was a letter, white with a blue ribbon, and a monocle beside it. Ren can feel the gears in his brain coming to a halt, slowly… slowly… it'd freeze in time, but not now, not yet. Mechanically, Ren stood up and walked towards the bed, he sat by the edge, near the window to put an arm on, to lean his body on. For support maybe, for a hope perhaps, that once he's finished reading the letter. Kaito would appear in his white suit with his cape flowing in the wind, the magician in the moonlight.

That's what this is, isn't it? A confession of secrets. He had an idea about it, infamous internationally wanted criminal, Kaito KID was Kaito Kuroba's other identity. He had a feeling that was the case but never pursued the thought, it'd be unfair, won't it? For Ren to intrude into Kaito's secret when he has his own secrets to hide. So it'd just be fair, to not know. To pretend to not know anything. To pretend that the thief he saw on the rooftop that day isn't someone he knows even though he's so painfully aware of it. It's only fair that way.

Ren took another deep breath, swallowing hard as he prepared to open the letter, setting aside the box with the monocle still inside by the window sill.

His heart skips a beat at the sight of his name, written by Kaito's hand.

“Dear Renren,” it starts, “How are you? Knowing you, you probably didn't open this letter until months had passed, I bet! ”

Ren quietly chuckled at that, he was right. Kaito was always too good at reading people. “That's alright though, I won't blame you because I'm such a gentleman,” A small face was drawn there, it looked like Kaito smirking at him, how cute. “I'm sure you've already seen the other item in the box, it was right on top of the letter you're reading now after all! ” He drew a monocle then. Ren held his breath as he read through the next passage.

“What I'm about to tell you, is a confession of a secret! You can't tell anyone about this! This is our own little secret.” A winking Kaito was drawn there, adorable. Ren giggled as he whispered to the wind, to himself, and to the Kaito that wrote the letter.

I promise.

“I'm Kaito KID.” Party poppers were drawn on both sides of that phrase, confetti doodled around it, he really was adorable… “Although… I had a feeling you already knew about this.”

He really was good at reading people.

“It's so anti-climactic doing this on paper too. I wish I could tell you in person instead, I'd love to see your reaction.”

Ren's breath hitched then. His mind slowly drawing a blank, please be safe, please be safe, please be safe. He repeated in his head. Like a chant, a good luck charm, filled with the hope burning his chest, threatening to explode.

“Renren… I know this is kinda cliche but by the time you're reading this, I probably didn't make it after all.”

Ren gripped the paper tightly then, and immediately let go. He shouldn't… ruin Kaito's letter. There was… there was still more to read through… A prank, maybe, a mistake perhaps, please let this be a nightmare he can wake up from. Ren took a deep breath, gathering himself to continue reading once more.

“Hey, Renren, I may not be there while you're reading this but I can tell you're sad right now! Come on, turn that frown upside down! You know I don't like seeing you sad, right…?

…I'm sorry.”

Ren inhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose to stop the urge to cry growing deep inside him, like a dam waiting to burst, a pipe waiting to break, a heart waiting to shatter. It took him a moment to continue reading it.

“I know, I know... there's a lot of questions you want to ask right? And I… I don't think I can answer any of it, after all...

Hey, Renren… How about a magic trick? It'd be hard to pull this off in a letter but here! ” In the next part, four cards were drawn face down, or rather, drawings of four small face down cards were partly glued to the paper, a small tape keeping it shut. “Pick one!”

Ren reached for the second card, carefully peeling off the tape, behind it revealed an 'Ace of Hearts'. Ren bit his lip then, to stop it from trembling.

“Hehehe, You chose the second card, didn't you? And no! Before you start thinking, 'it doesn't matter what card I pick, all of them is the same.' Well, then mister! You can open the other cards to double check it! I assure you that they aren't all the same! ”

And so Ren did. He carefully peeled off the tape from the rest of the cards.

The first card revealed an “I”

The third card revealed a “You”

The fourth card revealed a “Forever”

The last card, was stained with a droplet.

The droplet, was accompanied by another then.

Ren couldn't stop himself anymore. He put the letter on the window sill, slowly, carefully, with a trembling hand, he reached for the box, brought it on top the letter as weight. He reached inside it, for the monocle for him to hold, to steady his trembling hands. Ren sobbed, quietly, soundlessly, he cried in silence so as to not disturb anyone.

“…Ren?”

But that was all in vain at the sound of Morgana's voice.

“Are you… crying?! What happened?! What's wrong?!” Morgana shot upright at the realization, immediately running to Ren's side. Ren couldn't really answer him even if he wanted to, so Morgana looked around for answers. He didn't need to look far.

He stared at the box, at the letter, and at the monocle Ren was clutching. It was enough.

“…Oh.” Morgana's ears drooped and twitched, he didn't quite know what to do, Ren's cries makes his heart ache, he wanted to comfort him but how? Grief isn't so easily comforted. After thinking awhile, Morgana settled upon sitting beside Ren. “I'm… I'm here for you, okay?”

Ren couldn't answer still, but he was grateful for it. Grateful for Morgana, grateful that there's someone there for him while his world was breaking. Kaito was so unfair… selfish…

. . .

Seconds passed, and then minutes, Morgana had found where the tissue box is and moved it near Ren, he had found a water bottle nearby too, placing it just beside the tissue box. Minutes passed, and then hours. The empty trash can that Morgana moved near Ren as well now contained tissues, the water bottle that was once full was nearly empty. And the quiet cries that filled the room turned into quiet sobs.

Morgana rubbed Ren's back with his paw, in hopes of comforting him further. Until finally, Ren calmed down. Enough to take deep breaths to compose himself.

“…Thanks…” He whispered, voice hoarse.

“Mn… How are you feeling now?”

“…Tired.” Ren glanced at the letter.

“Why don't you wait until tomorrow to continue reading it?” Worry was evident in Morgana's voice.

He should, he really should just wait a bit before reading again, that fit of crying made him tired enough to want to sleep already but… He wanted to finish reading it tonight.

Ren gazed out the window, he stared at the sky, as dark as it was that faithful night. He stared at the stars flickering on and off, he remembered the split second he saw the stars reflected in the eyes of that magician as he turned to face them. He stared at the moon, peeking through the buildings, it was a full moon, much like that night. The view of the moon behind a mysterious magician donned in a white suit and top hat with a cape flowing behind him. It was a magical sight that Ren will remember no matter how much time has passed.

Ren took a shaky breath. He reached for the letter, the monocle in the other hand.

“I'm sorry…” Ren's eyes stung, “I deserved to be yelled at right now, you can call me unfair, and selfish, and stupid! You can shout it to the sky, I'll be sure to hear it. But Renren…

Ren. I wanted to tell you how I felt, because I doubt I'd have a chance to say it to you if not now. I'm sorry, maybe I should've told you about it before… this. But then I think, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for hurting you way more than how you're hurting now, all because of me. Just know that, I love you, and I want the best for you, even if I'm not around you anymore, even if I'm not there anymore. I'll always love you forever and ever! All the times we spent together were the most precious memories I have… Well, had.

Hey, Renren… Promise me you'll find someone else to make you happy, alright? Someone, something, anything! I want you to be happy. You better be looking up at the night sky with a smile! I'll be sure to see it.

I love you, Ren.”

[tobiasdrake]

The battle with Strucker's base does so much setting up of the ideas that this film (and Civil War) intends to explore, but it's really subtle about it in some cases. And I'm not sure if that's on purpose, or a consequence of this film getting lost in its own ideas and not realizing them very well? I don't know. We'll see, I guess.

But in addition to introducing the Maximoff Twins and letting them show off how cool they are, there are three significant things that the film sets up here.

1 - The Avengers see themselves as liberators who are going to protect Sokovia. There's some discussion about Strucker endangering the city in the course of the battle, so Tony sends the Iron Legion to try and evacuate people away from danger zones.

But the people react to the Avengers' presence with outrage. They don't want the Avengers here. No one invited them. They're the invaders. A hostile foreign influence attacking the nearby Sokovian base.

(A base that's doing evil bad guy research on the Glowstick of Destiny/Mind Gem. It's complicated, but the fact that it is complicated, that this is something the film wants to talk about, is interesting.)

I think I remember this being the element that gets super lost throughout the film.

2 - The Mind Gem is trying to create Ultron. This is one of the most easily missed details in the film. Tony enters Strucker's lab to find a bunch of things, but the camera settles on unfinished pieces of robot bodies. The Scepter has been using Strucker to try and create a robot vessel for itself.

As I recall, this comes back later in the film. When Ultron moves to Sokovia and begins mass-producing drones of himself, he uses the Ultron-making infrastructure of Strucker's lab to do it.

The Scepter wants a body. It wants to complete its work. And it will use whatever big brain is nearby to make one.

3 - A minor detail, but Wanda. Wanda and Pietro attempt to assassinate Tony in the lab, and they're more or less successful. Wanda gives Tony a vision that's meant to emotionally devastate and distract him.

But she doesn't control the vision. We see Tony confronted with a narcissistic apocalypse. Everyone died because he, Tony Stark, didn't do enough and for no other reason. And then we cut back to reality and pan over to Wanda with a face that screams, "What the actual fuck did I just see?"

She gets her head back in the game and stops Pietro from killing Tony, while grinning evilly. I think this is supposed to imply that she's figured out that Tony will, if left to his own devices, destroy the Avengers. But it doesn't really get followed up on. The next time we see these characters, Ultron hunts them down for recruitment.

[beantothemax]

What a horrible day. Disaster after disaster after disaster. Crick had been murdered, Harvey decided to turn up and Roque made a tumblr account. What hadn't gone wrong? Seeing how upset Castti was, Partitio thought of a solution.

Usually, he would’ve had to drag her to the tavern. But today, she went willingly. Alcohol was likely the only thing that could make her forget about how bad that day had been. She took a seat beside Partitio at a small table.

While he left to get drinks, she got a good look at the tavern. It wasn’t unusually full or empty. Just the amount you’d expect from a tavern in a medium-sized town on Sunday evening. Agnea, Throne and Hikari sat by a table in the corner. Castti tried waving to them, but they seemed not to notice.

… that or they didn’t want to talk to her. Who knows. Partitio returned, two drinks in hand.

“I got the sparkliest, fruitiest thing I could find for you, and a northern Leaflands beer for myself,” he smiled.

She took the drink and gave it a sniff. It smelled like the stuff she used to clean her hands before handling a patient.

“What’s the percentage on this?” she asked.

“Thirty-five, ya’ might wanna drink it sl-”

Before Partitio could finish his answer, she downed her drink.

Castti had a coughing fit and hissed at the taste. Partitio couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction. Such a drink was nothing to him. He’d probably drink straight hand sanitizer if he could.

“If I sip it then I’ll know what it tastes like and I won’t want to finish it,” she finally said.

“Fair ‘nough, some o’ that stuff hardly tastes edible sometimes.”

“D’ya want another one?” he asked.

But Castti shook her head, “I’ll be fine.”

He knew she didn’t want to think about that day, but didn’t push it. If she wanted a distraction other than alcohol, then he’d provide one.

“If ya’ could instantly master any new skill, what’d it be?” he asked.

Castti thought long and hard about the question, “remembering stuff.”

“Aw come on, that’s a boring answer. I’d become a ventriloquist and scare Ochette,” Partitio laughed.

What a strange hypothetical. She answered honestly, but that somehow wasn’t good enough.

“The violin then? I don’t know, I’m satisfied with the skills I have,” she said.

Partitio wracked his brain for another hypothetical, one Castti would be forced to give an absurd answer to.

Not much later, Castti laughed so hard her stomach hurt.

“No, but think about it! If ya’ had a thousand cockroaches in yer attic, you’d just fetch an exterminator. If it was a person, they might’ve been watching ya’ all this time! That’s a terrifying thought!” Partitio argued.

Castti thought long and hard about the question.

“That’s a stupid hypothetical, if it’s just cockroaches then you obviously pick the cockroaches. It has to be something bigger,” she said.

“A sand lion?”

“No, too big, smaller…”

She rested her head on her chin as she thought. Her brows furrowed as she went over a mental list of the most horrific monsters she knew of. But none of them seemed quite as scary as the idea of finding a human in your attic.

“What about a thousand cockroaches versus two buttermeeps?” she questioned.

But he didn’t answer. He stared at her with a dreamy, distant expression. Castti was, by far, amongst the most attractive people he knew. She had adorable kind blue eyes and thin brown eyebrows just above them. Her bangs were always off center, the left side covering more of her forehead. The asymmetry suited her, it-

She snapped her fingers a couple times.

“Hey, you there?”

Partitio suddenly came back to reality, “huh? Oh, yeah, I am.”

“Are you sick? Your ears look red,” Castti muttered.

Before he could answer, she pressed a gentle hand to his forehead, then to his cheek. She stared intently in his eyes as she thought.

“You seem fine…” she trailed off.

His eyes were captivating. In the candlelight, his brown irises resembled amber. They seemed to glow in the light. He was handsome.

She leaned closer to him and he didn’t protest. Her cheeks become hotter by the second. They had become pink in no time. She leaned over the table.

Their lips met. Partitio placed a hand on her shoulder as he leaned into it. Her lips were just as soft as they looked, they tasted vaguely of the awful drink he bought her. When he pulled away, Castti took a deep breath in and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re allowed to breathe,” he said.

“Sorry, I don’t really remember if I’ve kissed anyone before,” Castti chuckled.

She scooted her chair closer to his, “sooo…”

Partitio put a hand on her waist and the other on her cheek before pulling her in for another kiss. Her arms traveled around his torso in a similar fashion. He pulled her closer, holding her tighter as he deepened the kiss. He tried to open his mouth but their teeth only clacked against each other.

Castti couldn’t help but giggle as she pulled away. She was still tight in his embrace, her face only inches from his.

“Do you wanna go for a walk? I think Throne, Hikari and Agnea are watching us,” she whispered as she vaguely gestured to the other side of the tavern.

Partitio’s good mood and bright smile were suddenly interrupted by Castti’s words.

“They’re what!?” he said.

He looked at where she pointed, and sure enough, the three of them were sitting by a table, hardly even hiding as they watched. He flipped them off, earning a nasty looked from them before he took Castti’s hand and lead her to the exit.

pie you were right the first few sentences are absolute gold. roque making a tumblr account being treated with the same gravity as crick being murdered is hilarious.

also!!!! i feel like. honored? idk a less serious version of honored that you put my dumb lil thing about agnea throné and hikari spying on these two the entire time in here. kiwi does the same thing when they include some of the things I’ve said in asks with them in their travel banters and. i just really like that my dumb jokes are good enough to be put into your fics. it make me smile :]

also parti just flipping the three off at the end was equally hilarious. he gets one bird usage a month

pie this was a very nice fic and im just. idk im happy my idea helped you make something this cool

[funkymbtifiction]

Hey, Charity! Could I be an ENP? Or am I overestimating my Ne? If it helps, I’m either an enneagram 9 or a 6 - leaning towards 6, tho. Thanks :)

I’m not indecisive, but I like to keep my options open. If something better show up, I won’t mind leaving things behind, even if they’re unfinished. I like to “feel” that I’m choosing the right thing, though, since I’m afraid of making mistakes. Does my anxiety makes me second guess my feelings? Yes. I’m either right about things or completely wrong, no in between. I don’t consider myself a doer, thinking about things is usually enough for me. I hate to be alone with my thoughts and I’d rather have someone to discuss them with. If I like a certain subject, I’ll enjoy discussing everything there’s to know about it with my friends. I easily classify things as good/bad and have to push myself to see the tones of grey. I’ll defend what I believe in if I think it’s worth it to do so. I’d say that I’m somewhat “me” focused, since I’m constantly aware of my emotional state, focused on figuring my identity out and may act like my feelings are the most important thing in the room. My logic is internal. I draw conclusions by myself and then compare them to external facts to decide what’s true or not. Do I think about the future? Yes and No. I like to idealize the future, feeding my brain with possible scenarios that’d be fun if they became true. But my decisions are made based on what I’m feeling at the present. I don’t think “oh, this will fit perfectly with my 10 year life plan.” I’d rather go with the flow than planning for years ahead. I only make short term plans (a few days from now maybe). At my worst, I become a hypochondriac and a worrywart. I’m suddenly afraid that I won’t be able to “live” anymore if something bad happens to me. When I feel this way, I need to push myself outside and do things to keep me distracted. Stay at home dwelling and worrying may be tempting, but won’t do me any good.

Contradictory traits: I’m seen as the “responsible one” in my friend group, since I’m the one who usually reminds people things like “we should leave now, otherwise we’re gonna be late and x is counting on us”. I wouldn’t say that I like to control people, but sometimes I feel the need to push them to avoid problems. My family constantly mentions how much I’m alike my STJ father. Both of us are organized, methodical, realiable and a little bit too blunt with our words. My ENFP friend and I constantly discuss about my type and she doesn’t think I’m idealistic enough to have high Ne. She has these big and unchangeable goals ever since she was a teenager and she hates when other people come around to explain how “reality” works. Meanwhile, I’ve changed my mind dozens of times about my future, having tons of ideas I’ve never followed through. I also like to consider new povs, especially when the advice comes from people I respect. A little bit of realism won’t hurt, it’ll only mean that I’ll be prepared for what’s ahead.

You sound like an ENFP, yes. You give good arguments for Ne, Fi, weak Te, and nominal Si (not finishing things, abandoning them, changing your mind and dreams all the time, being blunt and fearful of stagnation). But... that your “ENFP” friend has had “big and unchangeable goals” since she was a teenager probably rules out Ne-dom for her. It sounds more like a judging type or Ni in her stack (NJ). Ne is as you describe it -- always changing, always pursuing what’s interesting in the moment, rarely sticking to one dream for your life, starting in on things and losing interest and abandoning them. You have the Ne, lol.

[the-archangel]

V’s Christmas Presents

[Notes:  I’m sorry (not sorry) but I unashamedly love this piece of festive fluff and couldn’t wait to share it with you. My only regret is that I’m rubbish at drawing and unable to create the photos described in the detail they have in my brain, I’ve tried through words but it’s not quite the same. The photo’s came first, I wrote the story to make sense of them, I hope you enjoy it.]

Christmas isn’t a big thing in NC. Outside, in the NUSA proper, folks might decorate their homes with lights or gather the family for a big feast, but Night City has enough garish lights, and over-indulgence – in all things – isn’t saved for one day. There are a few religious types who still honour the day in their own way, but generally it was an ordinary day, though you might invite friends around for a drink, or give the kids a few extra eddies.

Johnny Silverhand was sat with his boots up on the desk in V’s old apartment angrily bouncing a rubber ball from the floor to the bathroom wall and back again. He’d seen enough of Christmas to know it for the Corpo, money-grabbing fuckery that it was, but this year he was going to have to do something nice for it and that was making him mad.

Kerry Eurodyne had also experienced Christmas outside of NC, and knew it for the fluffy, twinkly, joyful time that it was and couldn’t wait to introduce V to the whole idea. For the last couple of years his input had been too sick for any festivities, firstly as the relic messed with his brain, then as he was recovering, so this year it was going to be special.

V couldn’t remember much about his childhood, or of anything much before the relic nearly took over his brain just over 3 years ago, but suspected Christmas hadn’t been a big thing. He’d read about it of course, seen pictures, but if Kerry was into it then he’d give it a go – like most things.

-

Gratitude didn’t come easy to Johnny, saying ‘thanks’ without sounding sarcastic was a trick that he rarely pulled off, but this year he had something to be thankful for. V’s tenacity and Kerry’s eddies had literally brought him back from the dead, and for that, goddamn, he was grateful. He wanted to get them something, something that showed them how he felt, but without him ever having to say the words (cuz even though he felt it, they would still stick in his throat), but what do you get the NC power couple who have everything? Between them, they had more power, eddies and influence than pretty much anyone in town, a fruit basket wasn’t going to cut it.

He had the beginnings of an idea, but no clue how to pull it off. He needed help; this is why he’s sat at V’s old laptop cursing and drinking tequila. Johnny was just ancient enough to remember the old days, when the internet was actually useful for buying stuff and finding people who did shit, but this NC intranet crap was grinding his gears and taking him around in circles. He started messing around, looking for a distraction and noticed a bunch of old messages still in V’s inbox. He shouldn’t look really, but what the hell, he’s seen them already when he was in V’s head, so what’s the difference? Mostly they’re dull, but one of them is from a name he recognises from those days, ‘Hmm, Judy...?’

-

Kerry has known what he’s getting for V for weeks; he absolutely can’t wait to start the preparations.

With just a couple of weeks to go to Christmas, everything is pretty much in place and Kerry can relax into planning the decorations for the penthouse and ordering the food and drinks for the big day which takes up most of the morning. With the afternoon comes a lift-packed with packages and boxes, and one happy rock star ready to get stuck into decorating every inch of the living-space. Reality sets in soon after and Kerry directs from the sofa as a couple of the building’s porters rush around with lights, baubles and greenery for a fat tip. Kerry looks around, the warm glow of the lights twinkle in his eyes, he can’t wait for V to see this.

V had no idea what Kerry was planning, either for the house or for his Christmas gift. He was vaguely aware that he should probably get something for his boyfriend, but he’d never bought a gift in his life and no-one at the Afterlife was any help, so the thought slowly slipped out of his mind. He was looking forward to getting home though, Kerry had messaged him that he had a surprise for him, and that was always something to look forward to.

‘Festooned’ isn’t a word that V had ever heard, but if he had that is what would be on the tip of his tongue as he steps out of the lift. Every nook, cranny and surface of the penthouse had lights, candles, garlands and trimmings all over it. There were three ceiling height trees around the living space lit with golden lights and covered with silver baubles as well as a full-sized golden reindeer in the corner. V stopped in the doorway and stared.

“Well, what do you think?” asks Kerry, running towards him with tinsel wrapped around his waist.

“I think.....” V swallows, “I think it’s the second most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He says spinning Kerry around and pulling him in by the tinsel for a kiss under the mistletoe.

-

With a week to go, Johnny’s plan is coming together. Once he’d explained to Judy who he was, and she’d got it off her chest what she thought of him, they actually worked quite well together. Judy helped him find what he needed and he would pick out what was important and then she’d help him put it all together how he wanted it. He was surprised how much he enjoyed the process and thought that he would ask Judy to show him more of what she knew after this as an added string to his bow in his new merc life.

Kerry and V had invited him round for Christmas, at first he wasn’t sure, not his scene playing happy families, but he owed them, he even kinda loved them, so he agreed. ‘Definitely gonna delta as soon as I give them this though.’ He thought to himself.

That evening, the three friends go out to a restaurant, just because. It’s something that they make time to do every few weeks or so, otherwise V and Johnny would only see each other at work and Johnny would try to avoid seeing Kerry at all (guilt issues amongst other things). Kerry goes out onto the balcony for a smoke and to look down at the city, he’s joined by a good-looking, well-dressed corpo type, clearly out to bag themselves a millionaire rock star – or a story for the screamsheets. V watches quietly as Kerry chats and flirts...

“Doesn’t it get you mad?” asks Johnny, looking down on the scene.

“...No, not mad. I mean, who wouldn’t want to try it on with him? As far as they know he’s fair game...” V drifts off, still staring at the Rockerboy (his Rockerboy) below.

Kerry’s relationships had always been fodder for the screamsheets and feeds, but his relationship with V had pretty much flown under their radar, though there had been rumours around for years that he was attached, and some very rare photos of them together, they had both been very careful to keep their relationship private from all but their close friends. This was partly because Kerry was done with bullshit invasions into his private life, but mostly because V’s involvement in the 2077 Arasaka takedown was something that still could get him flatlined if he was discovered, so a low profile was necessary to keep them both safe from retaliation.

The friends watch as Kerry finishes his cigarette, makes his excuses and winds his way back to their table.

“They seemed nice” Johnny sneered.

“They were I guess, but also drunk, boring and grabby, ugh.” Kerry replies wiping a wet handprint off the front of his jacket with a napkin. “Let’s delta, I’m done.”

-

Finally, it's Christmas Eve, V and Kerry have given themselves a few days off and are sharing a cigarette, curled up together still in bed. “I’ve got a photo shoot booked in for this morning, I’ll get the coffee while you get a shower”, Kerry tells his confused input before kissing him on the nose and jumping out of bed.

“I thought that you’d cleared your diary”, V says trying to hide the disappointment in his voice, “...and why am I coming to your photo shoot?”

“You’ll see!”  Shouts Kerry from the kitchen. “Just get in the shower and wear something... nice.”

Johnny’s surprise for his friends was ready. It’s better than he had imagined and he just wished Judy was actually in NC to give her a big hug, though when he’d told her this she didn’t look too keen now he thinks about it. Anyway, for the first time in forever Johnny Silverhand is actually looking forwards to Christmas.

-

Christmas morning arrives... and then disappears again. Kerry is gently snoring in V’s arms and Johnny is passed out in V’s old bed well into early afternoon. V opens one eye sleepily as he hears the concierge and porters downstairs bringing in the food and drinks Kerry had ordered and then snuggles back into him smiling, it’s just too cosy to get up from. A little while later, Kerry awakens and looks up into V’s face, he’s still wearing the stupid, beautiful smile he’s had on there since yesterday, this is nova, but there’s stuff to be done, so with a kiss, he slides out of bed into the shower, gets dressed and then goes downstairs and gleefully unpacks the various, exotic and eclectic foods and drinks that clutter the dining area.  When V finally emerges some time later, Kerry is putting on the finishing touches to the table, V slides his hands around his waist and kisses his neck,

“Merry Christmas Ker.”

“Mmm, Merry Christmas to you too baby.” Kerry purrs as he turns in his lovers arms, frames his face in his hands and kisses him deeply. Johnny is due in a few minutes so they keep it together – though it wouldn’t be the first time he’d walked in on them – not by a long way.

Johnny arrives uncharacteristically promptly and swaggers out of the lift before taking off his shades removing his cigarette from his lips and looking around the room. “Shit Kerry, did a glitter factory explode in your condo? “

“Very funny, here sit down; I’ll get you a drink, tequila, bitters, splash of beer and a chilli twist yeah?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Johnny replies, still looking incredulously at the decorations covering every surface.

“So V,” asks Johnny while Kerry fixes the drink, “what did you end up getting him for Christmas?”

V rubs his wrists absently and thinks back 14 hours or so ago to being tied to the bed with Christmas ribbon and Kerry discovering a massive gift tag tied to V’s dick reading ‘To Ker, do not open til Christmas, All my love, V xxxxxx.’

“Erm, .....”

“Drinks!”

 Johnny sees the look of relief on V’s face and knows him well enough not to ask again.

Kerry returns with drinks for them all, and with plates of food all of which he plonks onto the coffee table before sliding onto V’s lap and nuzzling into his neck, V squeezes him tightly and they whisper together, smiling and looking into each other’s eyes.

Johnny is pretty used to them kissing in front of him and patting each other’s asses, but this PDA is unusual even for them, if it wasn’t so sappy, it’d be quite sweet in a nauseating and gross kinda way.

To break the tension – that only he is feeling – Johnny leans forward and blurts, “What was this gift you were so excited about giving V then Ker?”

Kerry and V look at each other and smile with raised eyebrows, “Didn’t you see it yet? Christ it’s everywhere...” Kerry giggles. “Put the Entertainment News Network on, Shit Johnny how have you not seen it??”

“Been busy sleeping off a hangover...” Johnny replies as he blinks on the feed.

“.......Rock superstar Kerry Eurodyne has delighted fans this morning with a rare update on his much discussed relationship status, though some might be disappointed to find he is now officially...taken! These gorgeous photos were published to his website earlier today...”

The holo shows two photos, both artfully shot in mostly black and white, the first is of the back of V’s broad naked shoulders, Kerry is looking over V’s right shoulder with an intense stare right down the camera, V’s head is down and Kerry has one hand gripping the hair on the back of his neck and the other flat on V’s back. The only colour is the blue of his eyes, the gold of his implants and of the only jewellery he is wearing, a broad gold ring studded with emeralds. V has ‘mainline’ written across his shoulders in eyeliner.

The second is of Kerry’s back,  V’s face is discreetly hidden in Kerry’s neck so that only the top of his head can be seen and Kerry’s head is turned towards him, his cheek in his hair, one of V’s hands clutches Kerry’s naked butt cheek, the other grips his back, as if it’s about to scratch down, the only colour here is a matching, dark platinum, sapphire ring on his left hand and ‘mainline’ written in red lipstick down the middle of Kerry’s spine.

“...this is all so ‘on brand’ for Eurodyne, but damn him for being so mysterious. Who is this lucky mystery man is what we all want to know...”

Johnny flicks off the feed and looks over at them, only now noticing the matching rings and resisting the urge to tell them it looks like an aftershave commercial he says,  “So, are you two getting married or some lame shit? Cuz if.........”

Kerry laughs, swinging on V’s neck, “God no, never again.”

“No way,” V agrees whilst nibbling on Kerry’s ear.”We’re just....” he shrugs as if looking for the right words, “each other’s forever,” he finishes grinning down at Kerry, who gives him an indulgent smile and a kiss on the chin.

“And this is for you Johnny.” Says Kerry as V slides a box across the floor towards him.

Johnny could count on his one good hand how many presents he’d had in his adult life, this was unexpected.

“What is it?” he says staring.

V laughs as Johnny picks up the box and looks through it.

“Some psychofan in The Glen had all that in his apartment, do you remember? I was sent there to klep Kerry’s guitar, but you talked me into taking all this other stuff...”

In the box was disks, posters, a couple of old DVD’s and a pair of Johnny’s old leather pants. He held them up, looking at them critically.

“I sure as shit have some style don’t I?”

-

Johnny was getting more sure by the second that his decision to give them their gift and delta was the right one, this was all getting too sweet and sickly for his tastes.

“So... I made you this.” He drawls throwing a paper bag with the top folded down in the couple’s general direction. 

V catches it and looks inside, he looks at Johnny quizzically, then up at Kerry, before showing him what’s inside the bag.

“Start them at the same time, have fun and...Merry Christmas.” He mutters almost angrily, unused to showing such displays of emotion.

V and Kerry pluck a BD wreath from the bag, each with a shard already loaded. They put them on and shift in their seat until they are lying curled around each other, with a last look into the other’s eyes they switch on....

The first scene has no sound, but shows a teenage Kerry in his bedroom, playing a song on his acoustic guitar with his black hair falling over a face screwed up in concentration, listening for the chords, finding the music. Next a loud, screaming chord makes them both jump and they’re in a garage, Kerry, still only a teenager is playing with his first band, already better than the much older guys that he’s playing with. V is mesmerised by the confidence of the young man’s playing and by the depths of the brown eyes that he was seeing for the first time. A time jump and Kerry gasps as they’re there the first time he meets Johnny, both sat crossed legged ignoring the party going on around them, sharing a cigarette, playing guitars and laughing, then on to Samurai’s first gig, V almost can’t believe how beautiful Kerry is with his hair cascading down his back, now held from his gorgeous eyes with his trademark bandana. Song follows amazing song as the BD flips through Samurai’s various looks, tours and back catalogue, until a montage of Kerry’s solo stage work ,makes V grin and hold onto his mainline all the tighter. The film finishes with a clip that Judy must’ve taken at some point, but that V didn’t really recall. They’re sat in some diner, she asks him why he’s not eating and he looks up at her biting his lip and smiling,

“I’ve met someone Jude, it’s early days but...we just get each other. I think...I think I’m in love.”

It takes a moment for them to remove the wreaths, Kerry is the first to look across to where Johnny was sat, but registers no surprise when he sees he’s gone. He looks down at V smiling,

“Let’s go back to bed.”

[Note: ‘Mainline’ is a term that’s not much used in CP77, though it is in the RPG, if you’re not sure, it means a serious, long term partner.]

[rickvac]

"Unlocking Productivity: A New Approach to Efficiency in 2024"

In today’s fast-paced world, the quest for better productivity is ongoing. While most of us search for the perfect method to get things done, what if the real key was hidden in the tiny actions we do every day without noticing? Imagine a world where unlocking your phone, checking a message, or scrolling through social media could also unlock new opportunities for growth. In 2024, this idea is becoming reality.

Micro-Moments of Productivity

We all know the feeling: a quick check of our phones turns into minutes or even hours lost in a sea of notifications, apps, and distractions. What if you could turn those brief moments into productive ones? The latest apps are designed to harness these micro-moments and transform them into opportunities to learn, focus, or improve.

1. Learn Every Time You Unlock

One of the most unique approaches to learning in 2024 comes from a new app that transforms the simple act of unlocking your phone into a language-learning opportunity. Every time you unlock your phone, instead of mindlessly diving into social media, you are prompted with a new word in your target language. Over time, these micro-interactions add up, and without even noticing, you’re expanding your vocabulary daily.

2. The Power of Short Bursts

Sometimes, productivity isn’t about long hours of work but about how focused we can be in short, intense bursts. Some apps help you break work into manageable intervals with short breaks in between. This method allows you to maintain focus while avoiding burnout. Even if each session is just 25 minutes, it turns small chunks of time into highly efficient work periods.

3. Habit Tracking Simplified

Building habits can feel overwhelming, especially when you try to tackle too many at once. Some apps simplify this process by focusing on just a few key habits and tracking your progress daily. Whether it’s drinking more water, meditating for five minutes, or checking in on a work project, they help you build consistency without pressure. It’s not about huge changes overnight but about steady progress that compounds over time.

Reclaiming Lost Time

The beauty of these apps lies in their ability to tap into those moments that are often wasted. Instead of losing time to distractions, you can turn unlocking your phone, taking a short break, or even mindlessly scrolling into something productive. These micro-changes don’t overhaul your life but gently shift it in a more productive direction, making you feel accomplished even during the busiest days.

Why Micro-Productivity Works

Micro-productivity is all about finding efficiency in small, often overlooked moments. Our brains are not wired for long, uninterrupted periods of work, which is why short, focused activities paired with brief moments of rest can be more effective. When you make the most of those tiny moments—unlocking your phone, starting a task timer, or completing a daily habit—you set yourself up for a productive day without feeling overwhelmed.

The Future of Productivity

In 2024, productivity isn’t just about doing more; it’s about doing better with the time you have. By integrating tools that make use of micro-moments into your routine, you can reclaim lost time and make every minute count. Small changes lead to big results, and with the right approach, you can unlock a new level of efficiency in your life.

Take a step toward smarter productivity today and watch as micro-moments turn into major wins.

EdLock: https://edlock.app/

Focus Booster: https://www.focusboosterapp.com/

Done: https://doneapp.com/

[selflessanatta]

The Advantages of Meditation as Documented by Leading Scientists, https://selflessanatta.com/the-advantages-of-meditation-as-documented-by-leading-scientists/

New Post has been published on https://selflessanatta.com/the-advantages-of-meditation-as-documented-by-leading-scientists/

The Advantages of Meditation as Documented by Leading Scientists

There is a physical, identifiable process in the brain that separates experienced meditators from those who are not as experienced.

Very experienced meditators report feelings of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when experiencing life as if everything is new and fresh.

They report a lack of disturbing thoughts, and their minds are peaceful, their outlook happy.

In short, very experienced meditators exhibit all the signs everyone, everywhere, is seeking.

And this is backed by modern science.

Daniel Goleman | Big Think

Co author of Altered Traits (named after the 1980 Blockbuster Altered States) with Richard Davidson.

The key takeaway I get from the above video is how they identified a specific brainwave pattern, the gamma wave, that only shows up in very experienced meditators.

Buddhist meditators call this “Beginners Mind,” or Shoshin, which is ironic because no beginner experiences it.

Scientists freely admit they have no idea what this is.

What Daniel Goleman concludes is that advanced meditators do live in a different mind reality than most people.

Call it enlightenment, call it a higher level of consciousness, call it what you will.

There is clearly a mental and emotional state that rises above the ordinary that can only be reached through many, many hours of meditation.

Further confirmation comes from the following video.

Meditation’s Impact on the Brain | Documentary Clip

For more information go to https://www.ajoyfulmind.com/

Anil Seth and the Forefront of Neuroscience

The consensus of modern neuroscience says I’m hallucinating me, and you are hallucinating you.

Do you find that idea unsettling? Watch the video below, multiple times if necessary to absorb its message.

(Anil Seth, I salute you! Everything I understand about neuroscience I owe to you. You are a Giant who’s shoulders I stand on.

The Long version is even better.

How does the collection of cells, neurons, and brain parts generate consciousness?

David Chalmers calls this the Hard Problem of Consciousness.

The fields of neuroscience and philosophy are converging in this area.

Meditators will show them the way.

With practiced meditation, you can see and experience these realizations firsthand.

No need to take anyone else’s word for it.

The Gamma Wave and the Rubicon of 24/7 Meditation

In the first video, Daniel Goleman openly admitted that scientists don’t know what they are looking at and how this sustained gamma wave brain state comes to pass.

Here is my theory.

See Object Meditation: Tibet’s Great Contribution to Buddhism

When practitioners meditate often, particularly when engaged in object meditation, they develop a large number of mental disciplines that they take with them outside of the meditation session.

By far, the most impactful mental discipline I took on was applying opponents and utilizing the Sword of Wisdom.

It’s a fancy way of saying that I learned to cut off negative thoughts before they triggered other negative thoughts that polluted my mind.

When something occurs that triggers an angry response, I immediately call up the many reasons not to become angry, distract my mind from the stimulus, and bring on other opponents like compassion if some person is the trigger.

When I see someone with greater wealth, attainments, fame, or anything else I might desire, if jealousy arises, I immediately remind myself of the benefits of rejoicing for their good fortune.

Whenever something occurs that I consider undesirable, I immediately remind myself it is a result of my past actions, and I stop the downward spiral into victim thinking.

Since events that trigger anger, jealousy, or delusion happen thousands of times per day, these mental disciplines become an extended meditation.

Plus, the rigorous application of opponent forces keeps the mind pure, peaceful, and undisturbed.

Gamma waves are the brain state of an undisturbed mind focused on virtue.

Eckhart Tolle describes the pain body. Heading off a pain-body episode is the point of applying opponents and utilizing the Sword of Wisdom.

Eckhart Tolle’s advice is priceless.

The Sword of Wisdom is actually a group of mental disciplines that are all utilized the same way.

They put out fires when they are a spark before they become a raging inferno.

When these mental disciplines become engrained, practitioners find themselves engaged in mediation all the time, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

This greatly accelerates a practitioner’s progress.

The experience of meditation is no longer confined to the formal meditation session.

That’s when meditators cross the Rubicon, develop gamma wave brain states and their mental and emotional makeup is forever changed.

John C. Lilly the first scientist to explore consciousness.

John C. Lilly invented the float tank.

When John C. Lilly invented the float tank, he was a scientist who wanted to explore what would happen if consciousness was completely isolated from outside stimuli.

He set up an experiment, collected data, and reported his results.

He wrote Programming and Metaprogramming in the Human Biocomputer, which is still available for reprint.

He intentionally made the first few chapters nearly academically impenetrable. After that, the book gets very, very interesting.

He was the first scientist to give a good report on the advantages of meditation and how it impacts the mind.

My Personal Scientific Exploration of Meditation

I spent many hours in float tanks practicing meditation in total sensory deprivation.

When I first started, I had no particular agenda other than to see what would happen, similar to John C. Lilly.

What I discovered frightened me.

There is an unfathomable amount of garbage fermenting in the subconscious mind.

Parallel versus Serial processing

Your brain is a powerful parallel processor.

It processes thousands upon thousands of feelings and thoughts simultaneously, all day, and all night when you are not in Delta sleep.

Your consciousness is a serial processor working on top of the parallel one.

Consciousness presents the most important (highly emotionally charged) of these parallel ideas to the perceptual field that “You” identify with.

This presentation is sequential; thus you experience a “stream of consciousness.”

Why is this important?

Because 99% or more of your mental activity is happening behind the scenes, beneath the level of your conscious awareness.

These feelings and thoughts motivate most of your behavior and determine your moods.

Ignore what’s happening in your subconscious mind at your peril.

Weeding the garden of my mind

When I discovered the reality of my own mind, I suddenly became highly motivated to clean it up.

Once I realized I had thousands of poisonous thoughts taking root in my mind, I knew I had to do something.

Fortunately, I had been previously exposed to Lamrim, so I knew of a method for weeding my mental garden.

I devoted several hundred hours to practicing it.

It works.

Lamrim Meditations

Practicing Lamrim Meditations changed my life. It can change yours, too.

The New Meditation Handbook from Tharpa Publications, production of the New Kadampa Tradition:

The New Meditation Handbook is a practical guide to meditation that teaches us how to make ourself and others happy by developing inner peace, and in this way making our lives more meaningful. Without inner peace there is no real happiness at all. Problems, suffering and unhappiness do not exist outside the mind; they are feelings and thus part of our mind. Therefore, it is only by controlling our mind that we can permanently stop our problems and make ourself and others truly happy. The twenty-one Buddhist meditation practices presented in this book are actual methods to control our mind and experience lasting inner peace. This extremely practical guide is an indispensable handbook for those seeking happiness and meaning in their lives.

This one book, more than any other, is responsible for changing my life.

I also own the three-volume set The Great Treatise on the Stages of the Path to Enlightenment, an extended study on Lamrim.

I’m into it.

The books are merely a guide. It’s the practice; it’s doing the meditations that change your heart and your life.

Practice, practice, practice.

Buying the book merely for intellectual knowledge is a waste of time.

Understanding gets you nowhere.

Feelings lead to your destination.

The original Lamrim sequence was prepared by the Buddhist Master Atisha (982–1054). It was later updated by Je Tsongkhapa (1357–1419) and translated by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso (1931–2022).

Geshe Kelsang Gyatso– 1931–2022, RIP. You were the bridge between our cultures. I owe you everything. I felt your Love. Thank you.

I request one last Blessing: Please, find me in the Bardo and guide me on my journey. I will navigate by the Power of your Radiant Light.

Meditation Basics

The book starts with a brief overview of what mediation is and why the handbook focuses on virtuous objects.

See Object Meditation: Tibet’s Great Contribution to Buddhism

Vajrayāna Buddhism is prevalent in Tibet, and it’s the form of meditation I practice.

They take object meditation to the extreme.

It’s called object meditation, but I don’t focus my attention on things.

The “object” of meditation is a virtue or, more specifically, the feelings that arise when I think about virtue.

In the meditations, I start with a contemplation, and when the feeling arises, I hold onto that feeling for as long as I can, hours when I have the concentration for it.

If I lose the feeling, I return to the contemplation, generate the feeling again, and then hold it.

I became well-practiced at generating and holding virtuous feelings in my heart.

So will you.

What is Virtue?

The Vajrayāna Buddhists have a simple test for virtue.

A virtuous object causes the meditator to develop a peaceful mind when concentrated on it.

If we concentrate on an object that disturbs our mind, like anger, jealousy, or attachment, then the object is non-virtuous.

The entire point of meditation in the Vajrayāna tradition is to attain peace of mind.

Identifying Virtue doesn’t take complex edifices of reasoning like Stoicism.

Virtue is revealed by a peaceful mind.

More Scientists Discussing Meditation

I don’t agree with 100% of what every scientist says about meditation. Many have only a passing familiarity with the process and don’t actually practice it.

Many who do meditate have not taken it as far as I have, and certainly not as far as monks and nuns who’ve devoted their lives to the practice.

However, these people know science, and what they say about meditation is backed up by data.

Lots of data.

You can’t discount that completely.

Andrew Huberman

Andrew Huberman is one of the most brilliant and insightful scientists working with the Mind today. From his website:

Andrew Huberman, Ph.D., is a neuroscientist and tenured professor in the department of neurobiology, and by courtesy, psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford School of Medicine. He has made numerous significant contributions to the fields of brain development, brain function and neural plasticity, which is the ability of our nervous system to rewire and learn new behaviors, skills and cognitive functioning.

Think Big

I am a fan of the Think Big project.

The video below is one of their better ones.

Mindfulness is about speeding up our mental processes.

During my awakening, I increased my mental processing by 50% to 80%.

It’s a real thing.

See: What I Felt When I Won the Lottery

~~wink~~

Anatta

[westernjaguar]

THE JAGUAR RETURNS

Hey… long time no talk. 

Sorry for falling off the face of the earth… but it was kinda easy to fall off the face of the earth when you last heard from me…

I don’t know how deep to go into it because frankly I don’t know how much anyone really cares about the details of the past 2 years of radio silence. The reality is though when the pandemic hit it changed a lot of things for everyone, and a casualty of that in my life became this project. 

If you don’t want the long story, just skip to the final couple paragraphs… but if you do want to know a little more… welp, here we go. 

I started recording music for Western Jaguar in 2012 at an undoubtedly low point in my life. At that time, Western Jaguar became the rallying point to get me back on track. It gave me purpose, meaning and an outlet for everything I was feeling. It served a huge role in my identity. It became my identity to a lot of people. 

However, over time, year after year, Western Jaguar morphed into something different from that. I began to treat it like a job or a business endeavour. I began to fixate on things outside of just making music that made me feel good. I fixated on likes, a following, positive feedback… essentially I became hyper focused on making music other people liked. The saddest part of it all is it took a pandemic for me to realize that shift had occurred. 

With the arrival of the pandemic in 2020, initial adaptations were made to stay relevant but it became very hard, very quick. Files were sent over Dropbox, meetings were held online, plans were made but really nothing was concrete because none of us knew what was coming in the days ahead. It truly was a halt. I wanted to keep creating but I just couldn’t. Too many distractions, too much detachment from what had become comfortable and a growing realization that I had stopped making music for myself. Now, with no easy way to get in front of people… no instant feedback… my drive was gone. 

It’s tough to look at yourself in the mirror and realize that something that had been so sacred and so important to you had become a shadow of itself. That’s how I felt about Western Jaguar at the end of 2020. It had turned into something I didn’t want to do anymore and to be blunt, I saw an easy way out. A way to go another direction and try new things without anyone questioning why things suddenly halted. It was a perfect opportunity. Blame the pandemic and disappear.

I tucked music away in my mind. I sold off some things that I didn’t think I would need anymore and put my guitars away in their cases. I can honestly say I didn’t pick up a guitar, play a piano or hit a drum for about 18 months

I did other things though. I became absorbed in my work, I explored new hobbies and dove deep into them. I got married and was enjoying everything that came with that. I wasn’t missing music. I was getting my stress out in new ways and rarely thought about my instruments collecting dusk under my bed… but I guess I didn’t realize how much I needed music until I hit another low. And that low hit hard.

A few things happened at the end of this 18 month period that changed things for me and honestly I think without these big moments I would still be away from music. But just like the pandemic pushed me away, these events pulled me back in. 

Essentially, I got sick. Really sick. Enough so that I couldn’t go to work. Shortly after, I got injured… enough so that I couldn’t do any of the physical things I had been doing to de-stress. So, it’s June 2022 and I felt stuck. I felt like I was going through the motions. I felt trapped in myself due to everything that had happened and I was searching for something to ground myself. I needed an escape, an outlet… that’s when it clicked in my brain… What had helped me before when I was at my lowest? Music.

So I gave it a try. I dug out my guitars, pedals, mics and most importantly my hard drive and began pouring through all my old ideas and demos. Upon listening, I found myself drawn in. I had fresh ears, fresh perspective and most of all, it wasn’t forced. There was no need to do this again. I had severed all connections to the musical persona I had before. There was no pressure to go back. I could be whatever I wanted to be. I could do whatever I wanted to do. It was a fresh start, a new beginning. 

It took me a while to fully dive back in. It was tentative. I was a kid dipping his toe in the pool, afraid he’d forgotten how to swim since the last time he’d gone in. But slowly and surely I found it. I flexed a muscle that hadn’t been flexed in nearly 2 years and it flooded back like a wave. By October of 2022 I had completed demos for about 10 new tracks… but I knew I needed some help to get them over the line… 

The reality of Western Jaguar is that over time, it became more than just me. It’s become a family almost and a part of me still feels bad about this aspect of how I walked away. I wasn’t just walking away from myself. There were other people involved and engaged in this that were victims of my detachment. It would have been easy for them to be discouraged or upset when I mentioned my reawakening but their reactions couldn’t have been farther from that. They were encouraging. They were excited. They were willing to help. That meant a lot. 

From November 2022 through to February 2023, I recorded primarily at my house, with my new freedom and conviction. I recorded 7 tracks to completion (and brought back 2 songs never fully released properly to the table) for a total of 9. All these songs were drastically different, especially those that were recorded before this long hibernation, but in a way, that felt right. In the beginning, I never wrote songs to fit together perfectly or sit in a mould, I wrote songs because I liked writing songs… and the fact none of these fit together perfectly signalled to me that I was on the right track again. I was being true to myself. 

Over the past couple months I have been working closely with former bassman Davis Zand to get these songs polished and finished. I hadn’t seen Davis in person for over 18 months when I arrived at his studio space just after Christmas of 2022, and we had rarely talked over the course of that time but he welcomed me like I had just hung with him the day prior. That also meant a lot. He’s been working hard with me on this and I am truly grateful for it. He’s made these songs better. It reminded me that doing it authentic to myself doesn’t mean excluding others from the process. It’s just about doing it with the right people. 

I also had a song that really needed a sick guitar line to pull it together and I knew who to call. I tapped KC Roces on the shoulder and he said, “yes” before I could even explain what I was going for. Another true friend. (The part is sick by the way)

But all of this stuff leads us to right now. Right now, I am excited about what’s been created. I am excited about being excited again and I am hopefully I have learned something valuable in this whole tumultuous journey. Not only about what music truly means to me, but also about who I truly am. I don’t know exactly what that is yet, but I think I just need to continue progressing day by day to find it…

I guess what I’m saying is,  thank you. Truly you care about this project and this music which is so wild. I rediscovered myself in making this new record. I can see myself as that 20 year old kid in his bedroom making music through a $30 condenser microphone again. It’s humbling to think about the gap in knowledge I had between then and now… but what I feel jealous of is the naivety. No expectations. No preconceived notions. Just making art for the sake of it. I tried hard to pull back into that feeling as much as I could. 

So ya, this is just me at 30. I like it and that’s really all that matters. 

New song coming in 2 weeks. 

PRE-SAVE IT NOW: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/westernjaguar/better-daze

Western Jaguar Forever

JT 

[darcyxpalmer]

WELCOME TO PARADISE. D̵̛͕͚̘̹̓̓̿̐Ơ̵̢̦̄͒ ̸̼̊Ņ̶̖̰͙̈́̈̂͆̌O̶̪̤̻̦̍T̸͔͕̟͉̬͗̓͑͝ ̵̢̟̤̗̎̌̊̚͠B̷̢̺͇̾͑̈́E̶̜̞̤̹͍̕ ̴͉̗̞̍̽̕A̷̻̣͓̰̥͊̀F̵͔̺̩͋̀̅̾͝R̶͓̍̕͠A̷̹̭̹̰͠Ḯ̷̡̧̯͔̣́D̶͚̞̎!! (do not be afraid!)

At this point the voice from the loudspeaker was like a fly on the wall, a background noise Darcy barely registered, but now that Zaid pointed it out, she couldn't not hear it, couldn't not have it echo in her own head over and over again. "Whoever set it up, probably thought it was something funny. Or it was a mess up. Maybe it was supposed to be something like 'have a good stay', since it welcomes us in paradise."

Really, though, it was all just assumption and the fact that it was running on a loop and yet nobody was around only fed into Darcy's thoughts about just how messed up and wrong all of this was. That they were not seeing the big picture. They were missing something and moment by moment an idea was forming in Darcy's brain that would be unstoppable, nobody could convince her it was incorrect.

But for a moment she was distracted from it all at Zaid saying just why the life boats was a bad idea. "Not sure a ladder would be so much better, especially if you don't have a boat in the water. Again, we don't actually know what's in the water." She shook her head, "No, never been on one. Didn't really even have the chance to think about coming to one, if I am being honest." There was a time when she could have, but that was an entire lifetime ago.

She kept on staring at the cameras. The loudspeaker welcomed them to paradise again and she could hear Zaid's options while her brain was running at high speed, and she just shook her head. "If this is private property, somebody would already be out, whining about us ruining their beach. And if not the owner, at least somebody who keeps the place tidy would be around.

"And this being a reality show... I read a book once where a bunch of people thought they were shot up into the sky and would have to do like, Big Brother shit up there, when really they were just stuck in a tube in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. It was a book, but still, even in that there are a bunch of things to actually sign before you can be in any kind of reality show. And kidnapping a bunch of people for that... I don't think that's an option for any filmmaker or producer." Her voice was emotionless, almost as if she was droning out, cause while she was talking, she was still mulling over her own thoughts, trying to poke holes in it but really, she quickly started being more and more sure of her own hypothesis.

And then he declared that maybe he'd just use the deck as a slide and Darcy finally pulled her eyes away from the cameras and looked at him. "Zaid, that's really not a good idea. Probably not as bad as just jumping into the water, but... once you start, you have no way of stopping yourself and you don't know what's going to be there when you hit the surface of the water. If anything, we can try to get closer to the water. But--"

She paused a moment and then said screw it, he was throwing out ideas too, she could do the same. "What if all of this is bigger than any of us originally thinking? Everyone is trying to figure out how we got from whatever we were doing before we woke up here, but what if-- what if what we were doing right before it all happened wasn't even real?"

Zaid clambered his way up the sloping deck, to get closer to the woman. It was windy up here - cruise ships were fucking huge, bloody hell - and noise seemed to swell and dissipate like the ocean itself. Everything, except that constant drone from the loudspeakers, the pleasant announcement.

"Why they gotta say 'do not be afraid' like that? It's literally the best way to make people afraid, innit. But reassuring them to not be." He shook his head at the idea of lifeboats. "Too dangerous at this slant, love. Lowering them off the side would just make them stay there. And you've got to lower them with people in it which...I don't want to volunteer for that, do you?"

Where the woman peered forward to the beach, Zaid leaned back, to look up (and up, and up) at the ship itself. "A ladder of some sort, maybe? But what ladder would be tall enough. And we'd have to find utilities, and I know fuck-all about cruise ships. You ever been on a cruise, love?"

Zaid sounded calm (maybe almost as cheerful as the loudspeaker, which he'd deny) not because he was calm, but because he wasn't going to outwardly panic. If his life taught him anything, panic was useless. Except to make an ex feel like shite, of course.

"It don't make sense, does it. Might be this place is a private land, so it's not open all the time. The announcement might be a glitch that the ship accidentally started...maybe it' a set-up for some television show, yeah? I'm Zaid, by the way."

And she didn't sound British, herself. All-sorts on this ship. "Fuck me. I just want to get off this bloody thing. I'm tempted to slide down the deck, get closer to the water. And then...and just...jump. Life vests - if we find some life vests, it shouldn't be too bad jumping, should it?"

[fang-wife]

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

voyeur | m. izuku 

➳ tags ;; sub!izuku, dom!reader, watching hentai together?, reader is mean and nice </3, quirkless college au!izuku, corruption kink/religious guilt, unprotected sex/creampies, established relationship, afab reader

➳ wc ;; 2.1k

➳ a /n ;; @/sems-diarie made a post abt this a while ago n my brain wouldn’t let it be so. here we are </3 

➳ plot ;; izuku didn’t sneak you into your dorm to watch.. this with you. but he has a habit of letting you do what you like. 

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

This is embarassing. 

He knows this is embarassing - more embarassing than he really cares to admit to. He should really know better by now then to let you do as you please. You’re always stringing him along with your schemes and plans and he loses sight of his morals. His standards. 

Then again, he doesn’t have any at this point. The point of him paying for this single dorm was so that he could have space to focus. It wasn’t to sneak you in when his R.A. wasnt looking. Even more then that, it wasn’t to do.. whatever this was. 

It’d be one thing if he was having sex. That’s a normal thing to do in college, to sneak your partner in and smash. But you’re you, and all you ever seem to have planned for him are hair-brained schemes. It’s what this feels like - when you sit on his twin size bed and pat the empty space next to you. The distrust in his expression makes you laugh.. He sighs and does what you’ve asked. 

“What’re you doing?” 

He sounds exasperated. You laugh - too pleasantly for him to be comfortable. You type something into the search bar. Green eyes widen, skin warm and blushing. 

“Wh-what’re you doing?” 

You laugh as you prop the computer on the bed. You grin at him, tucking yourself under his arm. The website mocks him, all black background and animated women with huge tits covering the screen edge to edge. 

“You know something, after you’re done using incognito mode - you’re supposed to switch out to regular search, you know,” you explain. Your hand rests on his thigh. Deku freezes. 

The sound of your voice has always been something of a vice. It gets a little raspy like this - sultry in a way that has him squirming. He doesn’t know what to do. He can feel the heat of your body. 

“Would you know my surprise when I borrow your phone to look up when the convience store closes,” you inch closer, press further “only to see..” 

He knows what you saw before you announce it. His skin feels like it’s on fire, tuning out whatever description you’ve been giving of what he chose to watch. 

Maybe it was the way he was raised - but he always had such a specific sort of guilt towards pornography. Always told himself he shouldn’t watch things like that, shouldn’t touch himself. Izuku had always been a good, well-behaved boy. Done the right thing even when it was hard. 

Meeting you had changed that, changed him. He found his body craving you when he couldn’t control it and he ended up here - watching porn and jerking off with his shirt in his mouth. It’s all come back to haunt him, really. 

“I’m not mad, y’know,” ― and your tone goes soft - it’s assuring enough that Izuku can whimper out an okay, but you’re not done ― “I’m just curious. Can’t we watch it together?,” 

“That’s ― !” 

You flutter your lashes him. 

“That’s?” 

He has a million words that he can say. That he should say. Bad, wrong, immoral. Words that belong at the end of the sentence to describe what he’s doing with you and what he’s considering. 

None of that comes out. 

“That’s.. too much” 

You grin at him. 

“Do you not want too?” 

“..I didn’t say that, it’s just -” 

Your hand squeezes his thigh until your stiletto's dig into them. Your mouth trails his jaw with hot, open mouth kisses until your turning his head to face you. A hand splayed on his face, tongue deep in his mouth. French kissing makes him pant - hands twitching eagerly to touch you. He watches, dazed - the spit trail of saliva that stretches between you two. 

He’s so easy, it’s cute. You press forward with a chaste kiss. 

“Show me what you were watching, Izuku,” 

His hand trembles as he leans forward. He remembers the title - doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. Within seconds, it shows up and he clicks. You lean forward too, observing the tags with a small smile on your face. 

“Milf, NTR, Gangbang,” 

“S-stop reading them!” 

You giggle. 

Without warning - you press play. Izuku finds himself frantic. Worried about the sound, the time, all of it - but you don’t seem to care. The AD comes on and you skip that too. It’s on. A familiar arousal blooms in his chest, the memory of what he’d seen appearing. You settle between his legs, your back pressed to his chest. You bring his hands around your waist.

“Let’s watch ~” 

Izuku face twists with displeasure. The plot nothing to ride home about - a lonely housewife goes out to a club and finds someone to take care of her needs. At first it’s just one stranger at the club - then two, then she’s surrounded and its too much. 

Izuku assumes you’re gonna find him disgusting, but when he looks at your face - you’re smiling, heart-beating in your chest. His eyes blow wide when you take his hand between your legs. You’re wet and you’re letting him touch you and he’s trying his hardest not to show how much he’s shaking. 

A little sigh of pleasure leaves your mouth when Izuku very carefully rubs your clit. It throbs under the pressure of big fingers - you hold his wrist and moan. He can hear the porn in the background but it doesn’t serve to distract him from you. 

“You want me to go n’ get fucked by a bunch of strangers, ‘zuku?” 

He shakes his head furiously. 

“Then you just like watching depraved shit, huh?” 

Unable to argue with you or with the the way his cock twitches and jumps in his jeans, he opts to whine. You can feel his it against your lower-back, the little wet-spot that presses to your thin tshirt. He’s too turned onto think properly - watching the way your body jerks and twitches. 

The woman on screen is stuffed to the brim with cock - it’s all over exaggerated he knows, but he thinks that’s why he likes it. Maybe he just likes the idea of fucking someone that stuffed fulled of cum, how it leaks and pours onto every surface and the way her cunt just seems to take it. And Izuku is such a good, well behaved boy - it’s never crossed his mind to think about doing it to you. 

And no, he doesn’t really want to see you get fucked by so many men but if there were more than one of him he’d be more than inclined to let you. His chest feels tight forgetting to breath. 

He thinks maybe you’re some kind of witch because you always seem to know what he wants before he does. The right way to push all of his buttons. 

“Oh, I see’ ― and he’s afraid of whatever words come out of your mouth next ― “you wanna fuck me full of your cum, Izuku? Wanna know how it feels raw?” 

He moans - loud and shameless and needy against your ear. A breathless laugh leaves your mouth because that’s exactly what he wants. He wants to fuck you full of cum, just picturing how good it might feel. 

You sit up on your knees and bend over a little - pulling short-shorts beneath the curve of your ass and thickest parts of your thigh. Your panties are drenched, clinging to your folds. He inhales sharply, frozen till as you lean forward - pulling them to one side. 

“Take your cock out ‘n fuck me then, baby” ― you challenge, dark and dangerous. Everything about you is so sinful and too tempting for him to ignore. His cock aches ― “Do your best”  

His body moves before he has a proper chance to feel shame. Whatever devils been whispering in his ear (read: you) has won whatever leftover dignity he has left. Without a proper word, his cock stands to attention. His hands are fidgety but they mange to settle on your waist. He guides you down on his dick, bottom lipped pulled between his teeth hard enough to draw blood. 

“Oh, fuck” 

He’s going to cum right away if he doesn’t take a breather. This is the first time he’s feeling you, and it feels so much better than he could understand. The lingering thoughts of the dangerous act silence by how tight and how wet and how willing your pussy is for him. The way your walls twitch - ache shamelessly around his cock. He’s fucking sliding in and out of you - it feels like a special privilege he’s done nothing to earn.

He’s shivering, over and over. When he looks down, he’s not all the way in. He’s not sure if he’s praying to god for the right reason - for forgiveness. All he can think about is how good it feels to be inside and how he absolutely doesn’t want to do anything else. 

“How’s it feel, Izuku?” 

He groans at the sound of your voice, the way you clench down on him and stretch so tightly around his shaft. He’s too wrapped up in the feeling of your cunt - like heaven and silk. 

“F-feels so, so good” 

Part of you thinks you should ride him, but another part of you is more interested in seeing how he fucks you. You snap the laptop closed and push it to the other side of the bed, before flipping around and laying on your back. His cock slips out and he snaps into reality - the way you have your legs in the air and your arms out. 

“I’ll let you fuck me as many times as you want today,” ― your legs reach and wrap around his waist, easily forcing his cock back inside ― “go on,” 

Izuku is a mess, really. His pants are only half-way pulled down and he’s wearing a nerdy graphic t-shirt. He’s borderline in hysterics over how good your pussy feels and can’t do anything other than thank you repeatedly and fuck you with an animalistic need. It’s clumsy like you’d expect, but he makes up for it with sheer enthusiasm. 

His cock is long and pretty - hits every spot you need it too. Izuku fucks you with shallow, sloppy thrusts - so needy and chasing his orgasm. Selfish and inexperienced. Every time he pushes forward, you can feel he’s throbbing. Aching to cum inside and unload. 

You reach a hand between the two of you to finish on your own time - planning on cumming before him. He doesn’t seem to care. 

“Ngh, ohh my god, feel’s’good” 

“Yeah? Gonna cum inside me, handsome? Makin’ such a pretty face for me” 

His stomach churns at the way you call him pretty. It sounds so sweet and adoring - but he knows that you’re a bully. He knows that about but fucks you with all his strength anyways - overly frustrated and fucked out of his mind by the feeling. Like a drug. He likes you so much he feels stupid over it. 

“Yeah, yeah ‘m gonna” 

Your own orgasm washes over you in a pleasant wave, squeezing his cock with force. He gasp and goes faster - all the thoughts washed away from his head. He needs to finish more than he needs anything. More than he needs to sleep for his 6am work-out and 8am class. More than he needs to be quiet because the walls of his dorm are paper thin. More than he needs to exercise self-control, he needs to cum so fuckin bad. 

“Look at me,” 

He follows your command, like always - and you look amused and fucked out just like he is. And Izuku has really never been this into anyone before so seeing you evokes feelings he can’t understand. 

“Oh, fuuck“ 

Briefly he understands that he really just came by looking at you, but nothing really makes sense to him. His eyes are heavy and he’s drooling onto your shoulder, spasming and clinging to your body with the most needy little whimpers. It’s so lewd, how he can feel his cum spurt out and coat your insides and his cock. It’s all so sinful but it feels so good, he can’t bring himself to care. 

“So,” ― you smile, full of mischief ― “if you want to be like that, we’ve got a few rounds to go” 

Izuku splutters at your comment and you laugh. He knows you’re not joking and he whines. You really are a bad influence on him. But with the way his cock is twitching to life again.. 

He might not be any better. 

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

[dallasurr]

She-Ra’s bisexual rep is damn good and this is why

EXHIBIT A: BOW -- his relationship with Glimmer, his short try with Perfuma, and his crushing on Sea Hawk, literally from the moment they met. I guess you can count his interaction with Kyle, too, but I personally found that to be more platonic even if I think their dynamic is interesting. 

“Your name is Sea Hawk!? That’s the coolest name I’ve ever heard!” (Cue Mermista letting out her longest uuuuggggghhhhh ever on her throne in Salineas)

I totally get it, Bow. This man’s stupid shiny mustache, titty window and massive ego also makes me lose all of my brain cells. 

“Sea Hawk is impressed with my knots!”

He went to Princess Prom with Perfuma!

They were so domestic in the portal that I’m not convinced that Glimbow weren’t dating in their “perfect” reality. 

Did you just jump into space for me?

More news on these two at 7.

I guess we can count this, too, but I think Bow was just using his masculine charm and sick biceps to distract Kyle from what’s going on behind him. Poor guy. 

This got super duper long because the rep is so vast, so I’m going to put the rest under a cut. I’m only going to use the canon bi characters, so this includes Mermista, Sea Hawk, Glimmer, Bow, Micah, Angella, Entrapta and an honorable mention of Perfuma who explored dating a guy but is canonically a lesbian. Apparently there’s no confirmation for this other than ND liking someone’s tweet saying perfuma is a trans lesbian. So her sexuality is up to audience interpretation. 

Image and text heavy below!

EXHIBIT B: QUEEN GLIMMAH -- her relationship with Bow and her chemistry with Catra. (If there is more I’m sorry, Glimmer is one of my favorite characters but she has so much going on that I can’t remember any other moments with romantic tension towards other characters.) One could argue she had moments with Adora, as well, but I saw them as more platonic. 

But dear God, this poor girl cannot win. People who don’t ship Glimbow seem to insist she’s a lesbian, or that Glimbow is a het ship. They definitely get the brunt of this bullshit and I’m sick of seeing it. 

First of all, she’s a walking pastel bi-pride flag.

when ur crush is paying attention to someone other than you

Like this girl nearly had a meltdown over her crush going to Princess Prom with someone else, she clearly loves him.

Get you a girl who will personally kick the shit out of your kidnappers. 

Glimmer’s fantasy version of Catra. There is no heterosexual explanation for this. 

SOMFT (Swift Wind must ship Glimmadora)

EXHIBIT C: SEA HAWK, his relationship with Mermista and his seven evil exes that they fought together. Canonically I think Bow’s crush on Sea Hawk is one-sided, but if Mermista wasn’t in the picture (or, you know, if they wanted to explore a poly relationship) I think they could have had something. 

Bow has been fawning over him all day and he still only has eyes for Mermista.

The bi-rate urge to belt out songs about your blushing beloved in public

I actually love that his fantasy version of Mermista is just her, but slightly more anime. This man wouldn’t change a damn thing about his beloved, but he might be a big fucking weeb. 

She’s too hot, he’s not getting anything done today

There is no heterosexual explanation for this. 

ND has confirmed this is Sea Hawk’s ex in a tweet (all of the s4 wrong answers became s5 canon), but....

I think they’re all his exes. 

Honorable mentions:

An attempt at flirting with a lesbian.

DT calling him Hot Stuff, bc yeah, the many ideas this gave me. But come on, read the room, DT. This poor man is traumatized, his fish wife is mind controlled and trying to kill him for real this time. 

DT is another enigma, like Perfuma. I can see them flirting with both masc and fem characters, so they might be bi or pan, but it’s really up to audience interpretation. 

EXHIBIT D: MERMISTA, her relationship with Sea Hawk, her massive crush on Adora, her flirting with Perfuma, and her inability to function around hot people.

Adora transforms into a hot, buff warrior princess right in front of her eyes. “That’s.... different...”

Mermista masks a lot of her emotions, just like I do, so I imagine this is going through her head in this scene: “Oh great, these two incredibly hot women are are in my space right now, time to die i guess”

“You see what I have to deal with?” That blush tho. “He’s just my ride” my ass, you aren’t fooling anyone, dearest. You have a fleet of ships, probably a whole ass navy at your disposal. Failing that, you’re a literal mermaid who could have swam there if needed. 

Look at how they’re standing -- she grabbed his arm first. 

Some not-so-subtle flirting with Perfuma. I love to imagine they dated when they were like, younger teens. 

More mermadora content for your viewing pleasure

Get you a girl who will help you fight your seven evil exes. 

As much as Mermista tries to hide her feelings, everyone knew this was the only way to break the mind control. Only someone she loved could get her to feel so strongly that it would override it (even if that feeling is annoyance, and if you’ve never intentionally and playfully annoyed your partner, you’re stronger than I am).

JUST! LOOK! AT! THEM! GOD THEY MAKE ME SO SOFT Anyways I’ve written like 250k words of fanfic about these two being in love if you need more 

EXHIBIT E: ENTRAPTA

To be fair, I don’t really see any references in the show to her being attracted to anyone other than Hordak and tech, but according to the SPOP Wiki, ND confirmed she is bisexual, and this first bulletpoint also touches on her attraction in the show as well:

The wikipedia isn’t 100% reliable but it’s a good place to start, I did go out of my way to pull confirmation tweets and stuff where I could find them. But being fanmade, the wiki isn’t always a great source of information. 

EXHIBIT F: MICAH AND ANGELLA

Another walking pastel bi-pride flag. 

To be fair, again: these two are only confirmed bisexual under the blanket statement that all of ND’s characters are queer. They still count, though, in my heart. We stan a short bi king and his tall bi wife. (I only teared up a little bit getting this screenshot)

Honorable mention: Perfuma, who, for all intents and purposes, I thought was bisexual until I read her wiki. Because this is how she’s presented in canon. 

God, I ship these two so hard though. I love when the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one ;~;

Scorfuma is pretty fucking cute too, though. I just think that it’s neat to also include someone experimenting with their preferences, too, if that was the intention behind her relationships in the show. 

Perfuma is widely regarded by the fandom to be sapphic, but just because she ended up with a woman doesn’t mean she couldn’t be bisexual. I think it could go wither way -- she could have been experimenting with her preferences and then determined she only wants to date women, or she could just be a bisexual person in a same-sex relationship. 

If you stuck around this long, thanks! I don’t want to pretend to be an expert on any of this, just a real bisexual person who sees herself in these characters and hates to see that all erased by fans of the show who insist they’re straight or heterosexual couples just because they’re opposite sex. Or, again, that because Perfuma ended up in a wlw relationship she is exclusively sapphic. Bisexual people are still bisexual no matter what the gender of the person they’re partnered up with is.