#bottom three

[sshbpodcast]

Wake me when Season 1 of Enterprise gets interesting

by Ames

Season one of Enterprise just seemed to fly by, and thank goodness because we’re not finding it all that great, to be honest. Too much of it feels like more of the same stories that previous Treks have already told way better, but with less likable characters, less nuanced writing, and so much sexual objectification that we feel ill just watching it sometimes.

Sure, it’s still probably better than season one of TNG, which had more objectively BAD episodes, but it’s surprising to your hosts here at A Star to Steer Her By just how boring this show is so far. We’ve noted a bunch of times over in our podcast coverage that there never seems to be any stakes because every opportunity for some character (main, side, guest, even background) to get killed, they never do. So grab your phase pistol and see what we had to wade through to get here in our usual bottom and top episodes from the season below and also in this week’s podcast chat (jump to 56:26 for season discussion). Cap’n.

[images © CBS/Paramount]

Bottom Three Episodes

There was a lot to dislike this season and I’m pretty sure we covered most of this season’s dreck in our typically varied responses here. Good work, “Cold Front,” you managed to squeak through somehow despite that terrible airlock scene.

“The Andorian Incident”: Ames If you’ve been following along with our podcast coverage, you’re probably as tired of me hating on Archer as I am of Archer hating on Vulcans, and this is where that sour taste really transpired. It’s a whole episode of our captain going lightyears out of his way to ruin some Vulcans’ day and then patting himself on the back for being justified about being so racist.

“Silent Enemy”: Chris Talk about uneven. What was almost an intriguing suspense episode about the crew being wholly unprepared for the kinds of enemies you find in space is thoroughly undercut by a mismatched B plot that, while cute, is distracting as hell, and by some really laughable alien design. At least Reed gets some pineapple cake.

“Fight or Flight”: Jake Poor Sluggo, we hardly knew thee. Boy, does this show start off with characters it’s just hard to care about. We’ve got Hoshi being pathetic in an “overcoming your fears” plotline so predictable I could have called every beat. And Archer simultaneously being indecisive and whining about his decisions at the same time. And then the metaphor with releasing the slug doesn’t even mesh!

“Fortunate Son”: Jake While it’s unfortunate how little Mayweather gets to do, I can’t say I feel that bad about it considering that everything he does get to do in this episode is annoying as hell. We’d love to see more about his upbringing as a boomer and the culture clash therein, but this episode botches it hard by making all the Fortunate crew assholes!

“Broken Bow”: Caitlin, Chris The whole series really gets off on the wrong foot with a premiere that is simultaneously too little and too much all at once. Between the Klingons, the Suliban, the Vulcans, the flashback scenes with Archer’s dad, the weird time room with the Humanoid Figure, AND introducing us to the whole crew, there are too many things happening, but absolutely none of them are interesting!

“Dear Doctor”: Ames, Caitlin All season long, we’ve been struggling with what we think of the Phlox character, and it mostly boils down to us finding him offputting. So of course the most Phlox-centric episode is in our bottoms list. Certainly helping matters is the fact that both Phlox AND the writers don’t understand evolution at all and use that as an excuse to genocide a people. Oops.

“Fusion”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake But the one that gets votes from all your SSHB hosts is the episode that sexually exploits the token hot character, as always. Hang on, that doesn’t narrow it down. It’s the one with the mind rapist Vulcan who takes advantage of T’Pol, entirely muddying whatever message about Vulcans this whole season was trying to make. Turns out they’re ALL just monsters, but in different ways, except for one you’ll see in our top episodes.

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Top Three Episodes

It’s hard to call these “top” episodes of anything, as you’ll see we all pretty much agreed on two episodes this season that were genuinely enjoyable, and each of us frankly struggled to think of a third that we could see giving any accolades to...

“Acquisition”: Chris Listen, we don’t like it any more than you do, but there weren’t enough decent episodes this season and Chris had to include this retread of much better episodes. But you know what: the Ferengi hit us right in the fanservice spot, the veteran alumni are all pros, and aside from all the oomox, it was at least entertaining.

“Oasis”: Jake Back when we were covering season 2 of DS9, Jake put “Shadowplay” on his tops list, so it’s only fitting that he essentially do it again with this carbon copy of an episode. I guess there’s nothing wrong with doing the same idea twice when it’s a good one like this. It’s even got Rene Auberjonois! What’s not to like?

“Fallen Hero”: Caitlin One more “I know that face!” episode coaxing an emotional reaction out of us, which is almost certainly exactly what the show wanted to achieve. In this case, we have to give Fionnula Flanagan some credit for bringing some much needed nuance to the Vulcans, who badly needed it this season.

“Vox Sola”: Ames The final one-off episode that we scraped up to include on this list. And no, it’s not perfect by any stretch, but I have to give it some credit for giving us a truly alien alien, which I’m always a fan of watching our crew interact with. And T’Pol and Sato got to have some scenes together, which is a nice character pairing!

“Shockwave, Part I”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake Thank goodness for this season finale. Without it, I have no idea how deep into the bench we’d have to dig for other Top Episodes. But I have to hand it to this finale: this was the first time I felt like there were stakes and consequences. And what a cliffhanger! Say what you will about the Temporal Cold War, but seeing a ravaged 31st century scene sure makes things interesting.

“Shuttlepod One”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake But the one episode I can say we all legitimately liked this season was one of the great bottle episodes of Trek. Proving yet again that less is more, this little character piece leans on the acting chops of Connor Trineer and Dominic Keating, whose chemistry together is lovely to watch. Just super solid all around.

—

Pass the pecan pie, the rocky road ice cream, and the pineapple cake; we’re on for dessert! We’re hoping season two shapes up better overall than this one, so find out with us as we watch along in our podcast coverage over on SoundCloud or wherever you get your podcasts, bounce a message off of Echo One on Facebook and Twitter, and get me a spoon!

[ruushes]

still endlessly indecisive abt my datv worldstate bc ive played these games too many times and have too many ocs now but ive seen a lot of people drawing their worldstate characters and i wanted to too lol so here’s my tentative pick

fantastic templates are by marianchurchland ❤️❤️💕

[wilsonmybeloved]

heard we were fiddlestanning

you know the drill..

(full image under cut)

[greatgoddyke]

ey watch it im groving here

[solacebean]

The Goat

[urania-draws]

AU where D'Arce, Ragnvaldr and Cahara leave the dungeons with the girl (and maybe Moonless) and they all go live together after joining Celeste are super happy for the rest of their lives!!!! :3

[blacktipreefsharkwizarding]

OOC

seeing this become a common wizardposting thing I guess so if this gets 5k notes I’ll do one (1) iota of self care

[raapija]

the sexual tension between ALL of them

[cartoonjessie]

Competitive sailors are among the fittest athletes, and I thought of Moana as no exception. We dialed up her musculature and sculpted her face to appear more faceted. To her hair we added sun-bleached tips, keeping its length and texture but combing it up and over to the side. She's also a bit taller. All these changes were subtle to ensure she remained recognizable as the Moana we know and love. - Ian Gooding, Production designer of Moana 2 (2024) - from "The art of Moana 2"

[cangrellesteponme]

happy pride month to the evil demon and the evil demon ONLY

[sshbpodcast]

The Worst Season of All of Star Trek?

by Ames

What’s the worst season of all of Trek? Season 3 of TOS? Season 2 of Picard? All of The Animated Series? Well your hosts at A Star to Steer Her By have a contender. We just finished our watchthrough of season 3 of Enterprise, and if we were mostly unimpressed by the first two seasons, we downright abhorred this one. For a season that’s ultimately one great big 9/11 allegory, it forgets what sci-fi in general – and Star Trek in particular – is meant to do with topical politics: use your imaginative medium to make people ask the Big Questions™.

This season doesn’t do that. 

Instead of pushing themes like what is moral and right during a time of terrorism and war, Enterprise spends most of the time letting Archer unapologetically commit war crimes with the underlying current of “it may not be nice, but it’s necessary.” Well, is it? It’s not until very late in the season that he even feels bad about all the people he manipulates, tortures, or kills. Among some truly, truly cynical episodes, there are still some diamonds, but we’ll let our Tops and Bottoms Lists make those arguments. So dive into the Delphic Expanse with us as we high- and lowlight this season below and listen to our scathing arguments on this week’s podcast episode (blast over to 38:19). America! Fuck Yeah!

[images © CBS/Paramount]

Top Three Episodes

That’s not to say the season is not 100% trash. There’s actually some good stuff in here – in fact, some of the best episodes of Enterprise we’ve seen so far, sprinkled throughout some otherwise drek concepts.

“The Shipment”: Ames One shining light in the early episodes comes in the one-off character Gralik Durr. He’s a Xindi-Arboreal who reminds Archer, as bluntly as he can, that not all Xindi should be considered responsible for the atrocities that are being committed by the Council, which is just what we needed to hear amongst a lot of episodes of Archer racially profiling people for things they have no control over. Thank you, Gralik.

“Proving Ground”: Caitlin You just can’t go wrong with a Shran episode. Jeffrey Combs was the breath of fresh air we pined for in a handful of bleak, exhausting, morally repulsive episodes we’d been saddled with. Is it contrived? Yes. Is there any good reason for Shran to be in the Delphic Expanse? Absolutely not. But what a freaking delight to watch Shran pretend to represent an Andorian Mining Consortium. Full marks; no notes.

“Azati Prime”: Jake It finally feels like something is happening in this season-long plot at about episode 18, when some consequential actions transpire. That’s three-quarters of the way through the season, mind you, but who’s counting? (I am.) We reach the Xindi weapon, Archer gets captured trying to kamikaze the thing, and there’s some really great ship battle. It’s also the first time Archer shows remorse for all the harm he’s caused.

“The Council”: Chris The homestretch of the season has picked up the pace in this whole Xindi War arc, and thank goodness. So much time was spent spinning its wheels that it felt like a success to have so much plot development in the last couple of episodes of the season. And finally (FINALLY), Archer switches this mission to one of diplomacy and collaboration instead of rage and torture. It feels like Star Trek for the first time in a while.

“Countdown”: Chris Same deal here as in “The Council.” We’re close to the end, so things are speeding to the resolution. Plot elements are getting tied up, the Xindi Council is way more fleshed out by now, and every decision has consequences for a change. Dolim and the other Reptilians also up the stakes by taking matters into their own hands, solidifying the realness of the threat of the weapon that was nebulous up to this point.

“Twilight”: Ames, Caitlin, Jake We get a good amount of agreement for this genuinely impressive, well-written, well-acted episode that deviates a little from the Xindi plot while also fitting into the season perfectly. The idea of the interspatial parasites causing Archer to lose his short-term memory is a great sci-fi concept, and the resolution is so clever that we’re fully onboard for a full reset ending that, in less skilled hands, would seem convenient.

“Similitude”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake But the episode that gets the vote of all of your SSHB hosts is a new twist on the “Tuvix” dilemma. Connor Trineer absolutely goes all out as his duplicate, Sim, and we feel devastated at the end when the inevitable occurs. Archer and Phlox are, frankly, monsters to do this to a person; there’s no debate on that. But what we walk away with is a heart-wrenching acting showcase for all the different Trip iterations we meet.

—

Bottom Three Episodes

And now, what we’re all here for: shitting on all the bad things from this morally reprehensible season. From all the war crimes, to the racial profiling, to the missed opportunities and even more recycled shots, this season just plain has so many low points.

“Doctor’s Orders”: Jake Like how “E²” is just DS9’s “Children of Time” but with Enterprise paint (and not as good), this episode is just Voyager’s “One” but with Enterprise paint (and also not as good). If you’re going to entirely rehash a story your franchise has already done, at least change it up a little. Watching Phlox and T’Pol wander around while everyone else is put under just makes you think, “Dang, Jeri Ryan did this way better.”

“Chosen Realm”: Caitlin Every so often, Star Trek tries to make a point about religion and faith as compared to the science and logic of its main characters, and this is one of those times it bungles it. Like with Voyager’s “Sacred Ground,” this one doesn’t quite make the argument it thinks it’s making. And then it manages to somehow make a joke of all of it by having the religious factions be at war over something purely trivial. Blah.

“Rajiin”: Caitlin We could have called a mile away that Rajiin was up to no good and saving her was going to be a mistake. And it’s not like we were really missing watching T’Pol getting sexually assaulted all the time like in “Fusion” – we really didn’t need yet another oversexed scene of her getting pawed at by some villain or other. Everything was just predictable, boring, and repetitive.

“Carpenter Street”: Jake As if we haven’t had enough mind-boggling time travel from the Temporal Cold War arc, Daniels has to drop by and stir up shit again. There’s just something dissatisfying about the Detroit plot. The Reptilians’ need for all the blood types is just contrived. Bringing T’Pol of all people is just begging for Vulcan shenanigans. The whole thing should be Daniels’s problem and he refuses to do jack about it!

“North Star”: Ames As an episode that’s “Spectre of the Gun” meets “The Paradise Syndrome,” this one probably belonged in The Original Series. A Cowboys-and-Indians story feels entirely out of place in the current era of Trek, and that’s all the more bolstered by the fact that we’re in the middle of the Xindi arc and take a week off to dress up in spurs and ride horseys. The anti-racist message also seems just too easy, especially considering how racist Archer is being the rest of this season.

“Damage”: Chris Archer makes a lot of deplorable decisions this season. From ordering the Sim clone made in “Similitude,” to memory-wiping Degra in “Strategem,” to torturing that Osaarian pirate from “Anomaly,” to treating the first Xindi we meet in “The Xindi” like trash, he’s a bad captain. But stealing from the Illyrians might take the cake because these people were innocent and Archer acts like it was necessary. Oh, and making T’Pol a junkie was a weird writing choice.

“Hatchery”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris For once Archer is in the right in this episode! Purely incidentally, he’s advocating for treating the Xindi-Insectoid babies like people and not letting them die, and the rest of the crew mutinies because he’s not committing enough war crimes. But the episode undoes what could have been a moral lesson by having Archer’s mind be compromised, and it makes me throw things because they were this close, people!

“Harbinger”: Ames, Chris, Jake When the constant sexualizing of T’Pol is actually the highlight of your episode, you know you’ve done fucked up. First, we’ve got Reed being a Big Baby™ about Major Hayes being insubordinate – something that comes entirely out of left field. But even worse than that is Archer finding a being in some anomaly and deciding to torture him. We’ve never even met his kind before and his first impulse is to treat him like the enemy with absolutely no proof. God, I hate this season.

—

Purportedly season four actually starts to pick up, so what do you all think? Was this the lowest of the low? Is it all [relatively] uphill from here? Find out as we continue to watch through Enterprise on SoundCloud (or wherever you podcast). Let us know your least favorite season of Trek overall over on Facebook and Twitter, and maybe commit a couple fewer war crimes than Archer. Just a couple.

[iatnen]

Everyone likes the MC 😙

What’s a main character without his harem

[hyunpic]

hyunjin x vogue taiwan: what’s in my bag?

[royaltea000]

Putting my pretty princess in different outfits again

[arandin-art]

Here you go with my War Games fanart sheet!

I though there would be two drawings in the space I left on the right (where the colored piece ended up) but… Obviously I chose a scene that feathured three main characters. So… I had to say good bye to Dumpling, sadly. :’( I’ll draw that round baby another time that’s it!!!

So…. @lovelyelbowleech, here's your fanart dump that I told you about!!! I really hope you won’t mind my messy style, and you’ll like those.

As you can see, I picked scenes as I was re-reading War Games from the start. I had to do a quick re-read of War Crimes to remember the injuries they acquired, but I’m pretty sure I forgot most of them anyways…

Each drawing had it’s own struggles but I’m still happy with them. And I had the joy of linearting that nightmare of three people posing sketch. (I love doing lineart, it feels like a treat earned after all the disastrous mental gymnastics you had to go through to figure out the characters’ poses.)

[starry-bi-sky]

finally giving fem danyal her own au and fulfilling my 'danny is an animal whisperer' agenda at the same time: mother of monsters danyal 2.0

i say "2.0" because TECHNICALLY 'mother of monsters danyal' is an au I made back in June for Dark fem!Danyal (who I promptly named Layal). However, I haven't posted much for her yet, and I like the "mother of monsters" premise too much to leave it only to Layal. Plus Danyal in that au was going to become the mother of monsters anyway, just with significantly less world domination and mass extinction.

'Animal whisperer' Danny has been something I've been thinking about since my latest DP 'wolfpack au' post and it's! So fun to think about, and who no better to assign the idea to than Danyal Al Ghul? Who comes from a family infamously known for their love of animals and nature?

Fem Danyal is just purely self-indulgent. *gestures wildly at her* i just lomvb,,, her,,,, I've only really mentioned her in context of the 'Things in Threes' au/my first Danyal al Ghul au with the facial scar, but she's!!! I love her. She deserves her own au <33

So kill three birds with one stone! Make a post about it.

Anyways, Danny has a large lair. Similar to cult leader danyal, her lair is a giant mountain region resembling nanda parbat with a big temple/palace-like area built into the mountain. It's large, it's overflowing with natural flora, with its own mini-floating islands hovering over some areas, and it's also completely empty.

Danny takes one look at her lair upon first meeting, -- noting that it looked relatively smaller from the outside -- and promptly, with the elegance of an Al Ghul, goes "What the hell??" Because yes, while she does enjoy her own solitude and privacy, this is a bit ridiculous.

For heaven's sake, there's even a massive lake in there! What's she going to do with all this space? Can she make it any smaller? Why is it so big in the first place? This looks borderline like one of the mega-islands!

She finds out later that apparently, the amount of ectoplasm a ghost has can have an effect on the size of their lair. And since she has such a large core, her lair reflects that. Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff, it's bigger on the inside so it doesn't take up "too much space" on the outside. Don't worry about it too much.

Danyal isn't totally opposed to having such a large lair, she's just... a bit baffled by it. It feels like so much wasted space is all. All this flora and no fauna to enjoy it with. It's practically eerie.

She decorates her temple-palace area, transforming rooms to match her needs as she sees fit. In the center of the inner gardens is a massive tree that she likes to climb, with twisting, winding branches. Sam and Tucker have honorary rooms, even if they can't safely leave the specter speeder for long periods of time, even with proper safety equipment. So does Jazz. Ali (Dani) has one too, but he can actually use that one, and Danny brought him to her lair so he could decorate it himself.

She has a personal garden, but for the most part she lets the flora exist as it is. Too much space to cultivate it en masse anyways.

Skip to a few weeks later, on her next visit to Clockwork. She developed a habit of going to see him semi-regularly just because. She enjoys his wisdom, and he has a lot of stories to tell, and when he's not being the cryptic and esoteric timekeeper, he's a bit goofy.

(pushing my dadwork agenda here,,, i think Danny deserves to go 'hey, Lord Clockwork, do you want me to buy you something' while she's at walmart, only to receive a singular glowing sticky note that says 'cucumber gatorade'.)

(She insists on referring to him with his proper titles even for the most mundane of things because it's proper, but Clockwork sees a future where she eventually calls him "Cee" and by all things in existence is he determined to get there. Anyways,,,)

On her next visit to Clockwork, just as she is about to leave, Clockwork stops her and goes; "Ah, I have something for you. Hold out your hands."

Danny does as such, and Clockwork doesn't give out things often, so her curiosity has spiked to the highest levels. He turns away from her for a moment, using his staff to summon whatever it is he needs, and when he turns around.

He drops a fish into her hands. Granted, a fish in a small glass tank. But a fish nonetheless. A small one, roughly about the size of her finger, with a blue-black, eel-shaped body and four sets of glowing eyes. She can see thin, almost translucent, but spiny fins down its back and the start of bioluminescent markings. It's swimming around in circles in its small container.

"Lord Clockwork." Danyal says all too calmly.

"Yes, Danyal?"

"What is this?"

"That is an adolescent leviathan, Danyal." She’s transfixed onto the tank, but she doesn’t need to see Clockwork’s face to hear the smile he’s stifling.

The myriad of emotions that runs through her all at once threatens to overwhelm her, and she can’t tell if the feelings are negative or positive. So she carefully closes her eyes to breathe in through her nose.

“Clockwork.”

“Ah, I see you’ve dropped formalities.”

She ignores that.

“Why have you given me an adolescent leviathan?”

She's expecting the trickster to look amused when she opens her eyes. Instead, he just looks endeared. "I know you're fond of animals," he says, "and you always look amazed when you come across an animal of the realms. So I thought you might enjoy taking care of the young beast, it's mother is dead so it has no one to care for it."

Oh.

"But, if you don't like it," Clockwork's hands reach out for the tank, "I can simply take it back--"

Danyal shifts the tank out from his reach and hugs it possessively. "I never said that. How do I care for it?"

And so clockwork gives her a list, and when Danyal returns to her lair, she sets up a large tank in her room for the leviathan to swim in -- it's much too small for the lake right now, she thinks. She'll feel better if it's somewhere she can find it. She names him Suhā.

Suhā grows quickly, and by the end of the mortal month she transforms one of the rooms into a large pond for him to swim around in. He's a very loyal beast, recognizing her as it's mother of some kind. Danyal takes great care ensuring that her beastie gets quality care, and Suhā swims to the surface to see her when he senses her in the room.

It spirals from there. Somehow, Pandora catches wind that Clockwork gave her a leviathan, and so the next time Danyal visits the Greater Athens, she gives her a baby chimera. It's eyes are still sealed shut, Danyal can't bring herself to say no. She names the little beastie Firas.

Frostbite hears about it too, and not to be outdone, gives her an animal she's never even heard of. Infinite-realms born, apparently. A fox-like creature with two small horns like an impala, four eyes, and tall legs. The name isn't something she's quite sure how to write down, and she's positive that her friends won't be able to comprehend it. She names her Eira.

Getting the three of them used to each other was... interesting. Suhā tried to eat Firas when Danyal first introduced the two, and they've hated each other ever since. Firas and Eira are seemingly getting along. Her island already feels full enough with the three of them on it.

Of course, that's not the end of it. With her luck, she begins stumbling across other monsters. Realms-borne or otherwise. An injured hydra in the Grecian islands that, through lots of trial and error, Danyal is able to rehabilitate and heal. It routinely comes to visit her afterwards.

A griffin with a broken wing that she moves permanently to the island that likes to keep to itself, but tends to come down when she's near. It gets along best with Firas.

A panther-like monster from the Shades Woods that had six legs and three tails, with ends that reminded her of a venus flytrap. It stuck around the heavy foliage and she can only make out where it was when she saw its golden eyes reflect.

She befriends a young indrik with its leg injured, and much like the hydra it follows her back to her island, and stays there in the mountains. It comes out when she's alone, much like her other beasts.

She receives two more leviathan -- one from clockwork, and one she finds herself while exploring the deeper and darker recesses of the Ghost Zone. It was huddled against the carcass of its mother, and she managed to befriend and get close enough to it to bring it back to her island. Suhā is fully grown by then, with a head bigger than Danyal herself and he still likes to stick her head out of the water for nuzzles when she's near.

He's not very happy with his new siblings, but he's not trying to eat them when she's not looking. So she calls it a win in her book.

And it's not just large beasts either; smaller animals begin popping up when she's not looking. Bird-like creatures and small mammals, and she swears she saw a doe (or something resembling a doe) grazing in the forest while she was walking by.

She takes back with her a lone snake egg once, and it grows so big it wraps around her island and sleeps with its massive head on the mountain beside the temple, like some smaller breed of Jörmungandr.

And on and on it goes. Some of the beasts she comes across never step foot onto her island, some of them follow her back, while others she has to carry back. Not all of the ones that follow her stay, and Danny rehabilitates the injured and releases them when they're fully healed.

It's hectic, and busy, and frankly she loves it. Some of her rehabilitated beasts return to visit her, or to have their children somewhere on the island, or whatever it is they need to do.

She becomes a bit infamous for it. She goes to visit Dorathea once, and as she's walking through the streets she can hear some of the denizens whispering while she walks past.

"Is that her?"

"Her highness' friend? Yes--"

"--that's the one--"

"--Mother of monsters--"

Danny's not sure how to feel about that.

Although, she can't say she's opposed.

Danyal Al Ghul, Mother of monsters, raiser of beasts. It has a nice ring to it.