#bottom three

[sshbpodcast]

Even a fanfic season of Enterprise is better than a 9/11 season

by Ames

After the deplorable nationalist nightmare that was season 3 of Enterprise, pretty much anything would be an improvement. And the final season of the Trek prequel series was… fine, I guess? Under the eye of the late showrunner Manny Coto, the show got back to its roots. A lot. Sometimes too much. But it’s a prequel series after all and that was sort of its expectation, so ya know what, your hosts at A Star to Steer Her By can sort of forgive it.

Much of season 4 feels a little like fanfic, much of the season was made up of two- and three-parters, and the whole thing fizzled to a finale that most fans utterly deplore, but still. Better than season 3. So what did your SSHB hosts think of these last twenty-something episodes? Grab your ushaan-tor and find out below and on this week’s podcast episode (jump to 1:15:34 for season chatter) featuring bonus picks from guest star Liz! En garde!

[images © CBS/Paramount]

Top Three Episodes

It was especially hard to come up with good episodes this season, partly because they all ran together in multi-episode arcs that were hard to pick apart, and partly because so much of it was very meh. So what rose to the challenge?

“Borderland”: Caitlin The first three-part romp starts off with the potential to build to something decent (though you’ll see shortly that that doesn’t exactly come to pass). But the Enterprise folks knew enough about how to win our hearts: involve Brent Spiner! We’re really easy to please in that regard, and meeting a new Soong who loves to ham things up is enough to bring this episode to the tops list.

“Cold Station 12”: Ames And Brent is even better in the second part of the Augments journey, so we’re seeing a little more representation of that arc here. Watching Soong reunite with his loser son Smike is touching enough on its own, but then he also grapples with his own ethics when he sees the delight that his other loser son Malik takes in torturing people. Just what is a mad scientist to do?

“The Aenar”: Ames In a season that mostly scrapes by as “fine,” there aren’t a ton of standouts, so when the Aenar show up, at least they’re something original and interesting. This newly contacted race of blind telepaths who live under the ice proves engaging enough in an otherwise confounding three-parter. More of these guys and less of the Romulans, I say, which is normally sacrilege on this podcast.

“United”: Chris, Jake You’ll notice that Chris and Jake overlap entirely in their tops picks this season, which seems like some kind of conspiracy to me. They’re getting along as well as Vulcans and Andorians and Tellarites in the middle of this confusing plot about Romulan nonsense, so that’s something. And as usual, Shran proves to be an utter delight even if his fight to the death with Archer ends in a cop out.

“In a Mirror, Darkly”: Chris, Jake Chris has been bigging up this mirror universe claptrap literally since the start of this podcast eight years ago, and it turns out to be the campy nerdfest we all expected it to be. It’s definitely the most we’ve enjoyed the mirror universe since “Mirror, Mirror.” Even the title sequence gets in on the game! So if you like fun romps that are full of little easter eggs, this episode may be for you! (Chris is going to LOVE Lower Decks.)

“Observer Effect”: Ames, Caitlin This one’s actually a super simple concept executed surprisingly well! It just goes to show that bottle episodes can be some of the best episodes because, rather than going all out on bells and whistles, the focus is more on characters, pacing, and filming technique, all of which “Observer Effect” excels at! The slow build of suspense is masterful, and every actor gets to play an Organian at one point or another. Fun!

“Terra Prime”: Caitlin, Chris, Jake Many fans argue that this is where the whole series should have ended, and we’re inclined to agree. Sure, there’s a lot of fat to trim off of the two-parter that “Demons” and “Terra Prime” comprise, but who can say no to watching Peter Weller’s performance as the irredeemably xenophobic Paxton? We also appreciated some lovely work from Connor Trinneer and Jolene Blalock with their doomed baby thing.

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Bottom Three Episodes

You’re going to see a couple of episodes with full sweeps from your hosts in the Bottoms list because, boy, were there some bad eggs this season. Not to mention that most of the two- and three-parters were unfortunately uneven as hell.

“The Augments”: Jake Remember how the Augments arc started out with such potential? Well it doesn’t quite stick the landing in the final installment of that arc, which just became repetitive and full of more teenage angst. Sorry, but Malik just plain isn’t that interesting a character, let alone a villain. The whole batch of augmented kids start to feel too much like a drama on the CW, with not enough substance to carry three episodes.

“Divergence”: Chris The main dumpster fire of the Klingon plot is the fully unnecessary retconning of why Klingon foreheads in The Original Series are smooth but in other series are ridged. It’s the answer to the question no one asked, and frankly makes us feel dumber for learning. Even Trip shimmying through space on a wire or some actual ethical character work from Phlox (for a damn change!) can’t save this awful premise.

“Affliction”: Ames, Caitlin We’re not even done shitting on the Klingon augment virus two-parter, as both are represented on the bad list! We start the whole thing off with some preposterous set up which includes the utter retcon that Reed is an unwilling pawn of Section 31, which we’ve been frankly over since that catastrophe “Extreme Measures” in Deep Space Nine. And don’t worry: Paramount is going to force feed us more.

“These Are the Voyages…”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake As promised, you have TWO episodes with sweeps, and this is one of them. Frequently voted as the worst of all Star Trek, the series finale is a slap in the face to any actual Enterprise fans out there (if there were any to begin with). But for Jonathan Frakes and Marina Sirtis to basically take over the show just after it’s been canceled is rude as hell and does a disservice to the characters we’ve been following.

“Bound”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake But I’ve saved this one for last because it’s so insulting. All the men on the Enterprise end up entranced by some Orion slave girls sexing up the place, which isn’t cringey enough on its own somehow that we’re forced to watch a full music video of them writhing around. But it’s okay after all! The writers have subverted the situation by making them empowered slave girls! Who just really like being slaves! What?

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So long, NX-01! That’s all from the abruptly canceled Enterprise. We’ll never know if this show could have bounced back from some more mediocre ideas, generally unoriginal plots, and more Archer yelling at crewmen than we were expecting. There’s nothing left to do but check out our full series Top Five Star Trek ENT Episodes and Bottom Five Star Trek ENT Episodes blogposts. Keep following along here and on SoundCloud as the podcast prepares to move into less charted territory! Bounce a signal off Echo 1 over on Facebook and Twitter, and don’t give cheese to Porthos!

[ruushes]

still endlessly indecisive abt my datv worldstate bc ive played these games too many times and have too many ocs now but ive seen a lot of people drawing their worldstate characters and i wanted to too lol so here’s my tentative pick

fantastic templates are by marianchurchland ❤️❤️💕

[wilsonmybeloved]

heard we were fiddlestanning

you know the drill..

(full image under cut)

[greatgoddyke]

ey watch it im groving here

[solacebean]

The Goat

[urania-draws]

AU where D'Arce, Ragnvaldr and Cahara leave the dungeons with the girl (and maybe Moonless) and they all go live together after joining Celeste are super happy for the rest of their lives!!!! :3

[blacktipreefsharkwizarding]

OOC

seeing this become a common wizardposting thing I guess so if this gets 5k notes I’ll do one (1) iota of self care

[raapija]

the sexual tension between ALL of them

[cartoonjessie]

Competitive sailors are among the fittest athletes, and I thought of Moana as no exception. We dialed up her musculature and sculpted her face to appear more faceted. To her hair we added sun-bleached tips, keeping its length and texture but combing it up and over to the side. She's also a bit taller. All these changes were subtle to ensure she remained recognizable as the Moana we know and love. - Ian Gooding, Production designer of Moana 2 (2024) - from "The art of Moana 2"

[cangrellesteponme]

happy pride month to the evil demon and the evil demon ONLY

[sshbpodcast]

Wake me when Season 1 of Enterprise gets interesting

by Ames

Season one of Enterprise just seemed to fly by, and thank goodness because we’re not finding it all that great, to be honest. Too much of it feels like more of the same stories that previous Treks have already told way better, but with less likable characters, less nuanced writing, and so much sexual objectification that we feel ill just watching it sometimes.

Sure, it’s still probably better than season one of TNG, which had more objectively BAD episodes, but it’s surprising to your hosts here at A Star to Steer Her By just how boring this show is so far. We’ve noted a bunch of times over in our podcast coverage that there never seems to be any stakes because every opportunity for some character (main, side, guest, even background) to get killed, they never do. So grab your phase pistol and see what we had to wade through to get here in our usual bottom and top episodes from the season below and also in this week’s podcast chat (jump to 56:26 for season discussion). Cap’n.

[images © CBS/Paramount]

Bottom Three Episodes

There was a lot to dislike this season and I’m pretty sure we covered most of this season’s dreck in our typically varied responses here. Good work, “Cold Front,” you managed to squeak through somehow despite that terrible airlock scene.

“The Andorian Incident”: Ames If you’ve been following along with our podcast coverage, you’re probably as tired of me hating on Archer as I am of Archer hating on Vulcans, and this is where that sour taste really transpired. It’s a whole episode of our captain going lightyears out of his way to ruin some Vulcans’ day and then patting himself on the back for being justified about being so racist.

“Silent Enemy”: Chris Talk about uneven. What was almost an intriguing suspense episode about the crew being wholly unprepared for the kinds of enemies you find in space is thoroughly undercut by a mismatched B plot that, while cute, is distracting as hell, and by some really laughable alien design. At least Reed gets some pineapple cake.

“Fight or Flight”: Jake Poor Sluggo, we hardly knew thee. Boy, does this show start off with characters it’s just hard to care about. We’ve got Hoshi being pathetic in an “overcoming your fears” plotline so predictable I could have called every beat. And Archer simultaneously being indecisive and whining about his decisions at the same time. And then the metaphor with releasing the slug doesn’t even mesh!

“Fortunate Son”: Jake While it’s unfortunate how little Mayweather gets to do, I can’t say I feel that bad about it considering that everything he does get to do in this episode is annoying as hell. We’d love to see more about his upbringing as a boomer and the culture clash therein, but this episode botches it hard by making all the Fortunate crew assholes!

“Broken Bow”: Caitlin, Chris The whole series really gets off on the wrong foot with a premiere that is simultaneously too little and too much all at once. Between the Klingons, the Suliban, the Vulcans, the flashback scenes with Archer’s dad, the weird time room with the Humanoid Figure, AND introducing us to the whole crew, there are too many things happening, but absolutely none of them are interesting!

“Dear Doctor”: Ames, Caitlin All season long, we’ve been struggling with what we think of the Phlox character, and it mostly boils down to us finding him offputting. So of course the most Phlox-centric episode is in our bottoms list. Certainly helping matters is the fact that both Phlox AND the writers don’t understand evolution at all and use that as an excuse to genocide a people. Oops.

“Fusion”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake But the one that gets votes from all your SSHB hosts is the episode that sexually exploits the token hot character, as always. Hang on, that doesn’t narrow it down. It’s the one with the mind rapist Vulcan who takes advantage of T’Pol, entirely muddying whatever message about Vulcans this whole season was trying to make. Turns out they’re ALL just monsters, but in different ways, except for one you’ll see in our top episodes.

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Top Three Episodes

It’s hard to call these “top” episodes of anything, as you’ll see we all pretty much agreed on two episodes this season that were genuinely enjoyable, and each of us frankly struggled to think of a third that we could see giving any accolades to...

“Acquisition”: Chris Listen, we don’t like it any more than you do, but there weren’t enough decent episodes this season and Chris had to include this retread of much better episodes. But you know what: the Ferengi hit us right in the fanservice spot, the veteran alumni are all pros, and aside from all the oomox, it was at least entertaining.

“Oasis”: Jake Back when we were covering season 2 of DS9, Jake put “Shadowplay” on his tops list, so it’s only fitting that he essentially do it again with this carbon copy of an episode. I guess there’s nothing wrong with doing the same idea twice when it’s a good one like this. It’s even got Rene Auberjonois! What’s not to like?

“Fallen Hero”: Caitlin One more “I know that face!” episode coaxing an emotional reaction out of us, which is almost certainly exactly what the show wanted to achieve. In this case, we have to give Fionnula Flanagan some credit for bringing some much needed nuance to the Vulcans, who badly needed it this season.

“Vox Sola”: Ames The final one-off episode that we scraped up to include on this list. And no, it’s not perfect by any stretch, but I have to give it some credit for giving us a truly alien alien, which I’m always a fan of watching our crew interact with. And T’Pol and Sato got to have some scenes together, which is a nice character pairing!

“Shockwave, Part I”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake Thank goodness for this season finale. Without it, I have no idea how deep into the bench we’d have to dig for other Top Episodes. But I have to hand it to this finale: this was the first time I felt like there were stakes and consequences. And what a cliffhanger! Say what you will about the Temporal Cold War, but seeing a ravaged 31st century scene sure makes things interesting.

“Shuttlepod One”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake But the one episode I can say we all legitimately liked this season was one of the great bottle episodes of Trek. Proving yet again that less is more, this little character piece leans on the acting chops of Connor Trineer and Dominic Keating, whose chemistry together is lovely to watch. Just super solid all around.

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Pass the pecan pie, the rocky road ice cream, and the pineapple cake; we’re on for dessert! We’re hoping season two shapes up better overall than this one, so find out with us as we watch along in our podcast coverage over on SoundCloud or wherever you get your podcasts, bounce a message off of Echo One on Facebook and Twitter, and get me a spoon!

[iatnen]

Everyone likes the MC 😙

What’s a main character without his harem

[hyunpic]

hyunjin x vogue taiwan: what’s in my bag?

[royaltea000]

Putting my pretty princess in different outfits again

[gyroshrike]

Have you noticed the councilor has been spending a lot more time with that one Hextech engineer lately?

[ny000mdraws]

In a blink of an eye, everything can change.