#both ready to sacrifice themselves for each other

[xxdemonboixx]

You are my symphony—my inspiration.

I heard a simple song, it turned to a full blown orchestra later on. Now the heaven sings.

When G’raha first came to my life I was quite confused by what was happening, why was this disembodied voice talking to me and where was the stuff I needed to deliver. Then I met him and I found him adorable, a smart radiant boy who wanted an adventure and action. I slowly started to care for him and fall for him.

But then he chose to stay behind and I felt a tug in my heart, I didn’t know when I was going to see him again, if ever. That made me sad but I had to go on, move forward.

Then I met him again, with the Crystal Tower. He hid himself from me, even when I did recognise him. Talking to me about his dreams and wishes, talking about me, trying to keep his identity secret.. I still knew it was him.

I’m happy to have him back and I’m waiting for a chance to take him on an adventure, a proper one. I promised him that and I will keep that promise even if it’s the last thing I do.

Stay radiant, my sunshine.

[codakk]

dave "the only touch i know is my older brother's violence" strider and jade "i've long forgotten what the touch of another human being's felt like" harley both being lonely best friends struggling with their touch starvation but maneuvering through it and healing from it with each other's guidance and company

[lemongogo]

[acrosstheujiverse]

Through the Years

【📂】 summary: it’s you and your husband's silver wedding anniversary. it's been 25 years since you've married kim mingyu and you’re filled with nostalgia as you reminisce back on how life has been in your sleep. 【🖇️】 pairing: husband!mingyu x wife!reader. 【💿】 genre: nostalgia and heartwarming. 【🧺】 tags: established relationship; memories; pregnancy; mentions of religion; one mention of "cheater"; married life.  【📦】 word count: 2.5k+

📬 — author’s note！this is inspired by a real story.

thank you for the overwhelmingly positive response to my headcannon post, dynamics of an introverted couple !! (check it out if you haven't).

i dedicate this to those who are raising children—we appreciate you. some of us (children) may be too afraid/shy/embarrassed to say this… but i’ll say it on behalf of them. from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all your effort, support, love, and sacrifices.

*i’ve included some easter eggs! ^^

(it was my birthday 2 days ago so i was motivated to give you a gift in the form of this story hehe~ happy reading! ٩( ᐛ )و*)

p.s. please pardon any grammatical error.

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after spending the evening at a restaurant downtown, you and your husband, mingyu, walk hand-in-hand into your dimly lit house.

“huh… i guess the kids must be in their rooms right now.” you said to your husband.

all of a sudden you both hear muffled sounds in your guys’ living room.

you and mingyu exchanged knowing looks at each other. “let’s not make them wait any longer, hon. let’s go.” mingyu whispered to you.

chuckling quietly, you nodded in agreement. “let’s go, my dear lord mingyu.”

he cheekily smiled, “right after you, lady (y/n).”

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“shhh! be quiet--i hear them!”

“hurry up, aji!”

“okay... in 3-2-1—!”

“SURPRISE!!!”

both you and mingyu feigned shock and surprise.

your three kids stood in the middle of the living room beaming with joy, feeling satisfied with their surprise celebration. ,. one was holding a cake, another was holding a handmade banner, with ‘you’re the best mom and dad ever!’ written on it, and the other one setting off a confetti wand.

“HAPPY 25TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!!!”

you cooed at the sweet gesture from your kids.

“aww! thank you, my babies. your dad and i appreciate your efforts.”

mingyu initiated a family group hug. “thank you kids.”

giggling, all three of your kids said in unison, “you’re welcome mom and dad!” 

you gave mingyu a side hug after everyone dispersed themselves. the two of you held a warm gaze into each other’s eyes. a sweet and loving smile never leaving both of your faces.

“happy anniversary again, love~”

“happy anniversary again, hon~”

you exchanged kisses.

both of you chuckled at the déjà vu of it all.

but you and mingyu don’t mind celebrating your wedding anniversary again because this time it’s with your whole family.

it was, indeed, a mirthful celebration. 

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“goodnight, gyu.”

“goodnight, (y/n).”

as you lay in your shared bedroom, you begin to reminisce about the beginnings of you and mingyu’s relationship. you softly smiled as you slowly slipped into your dreams.

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“mom… (y/n) and i are going to be parents. (y/n)’s pregnant.”

you were both not ready to be parents. you were 23 and mingyu was 20.

you were in your last year of college, while he was in his second year.

you both were filled with limitless opportunities, but in the eyes of both your parents... it was a different story.

“KIM. MINGYU. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS??!”

mingyu’s mother was a religious woman, a devout believer of god, and an avid churchgoer.

born and raised in the countryside where everyone knew each other, both you and mingyu knew that you were going to be the talk of the town for… a while. 

(with hindsight, it was only years later that you realized how your mother-in-law took the brunt of most of the gossip.)

although mingyu’s mother was strongly opposed to the pregnancy at first, she knew she could do nothing to change the fact that you were pregnant. you were relieved that she wasn’t like those cruel stepmothers portrayed in disney movies—definitely, not. she eventually warmed up to the situation at hand and guided the both of you during your pregnancy.

you and mingyu were set to be married a month before your first child's due date. yes, it was an outdated belief that both your families held back in the day, but it was what was considered acceptable at that time. you married early because of the pregnancy, but you had already decided long before you got pregnant that he was the one. mingyu was the one that's meant to be standing beside you at the altar and the one that you were going to grow old with.

the moment that truly changed mingyu’s mother’s heart was when aji was born. the moment she first laid eyes on your first born baby girl, her eyes were filled with love. 

(she later told you that it was as if she was a first-time mother again.)

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to say that raising a child was hard would be a huge understatement.

you were blessed with three children.

the first born, aji, was the hardest to take care of because you both didn’t know what you were supposed to do. (both of your parents were there to guide you for the most part, but the rest of the work had to come from you and mingyu.) with aji, the both of you were overly protective.

the second child, chi, was less hard to take care of because now both of you had experience but it wasn’t easy. learning from all the mistakes and lessons from your first child, you and mingyu applied all the knowledge you had with chi, and for the most part all of your tactics worked. chi was a very sickly baby when she was born, and so you and your husband worked tirelessly to provide all the necessary medication that your baby needed. with chi, the both of you were protective. 

the youngest, bo, was easier to take care of because you both learned valuable things from the last two. however… the skills and tricks you had learned from raising aji and chi wasn’t really working well with bo because… he was the only boy. so it was like being back to square one again. with bo, the both of you learned to be a little bit carefree.

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your husband was a man of many admirable qualities.

kim mingyu had a strong work ethic.

in the beginning of your guys’ marriage, he would work odd jobs, anything that would pay him. anything that would sustain your growing family.

when you were pregnant with your youngest, it was an unexpected pregnancy (it was déjà vu). you noticed the signs of pregnancy early and confirmed it with a test kit. 

mingyu had a plan, you were skeptical at first but you eventually caved in. he would apply to work abroad and get a permanent residency. the work and money in your guys’ small town did not pay enough for a family of five, so mingyu looked for work outside of your country since they pay much more.

fortunately, he was there when you gave birth to bo and when he took his first steps. 

it was only when bo was about two years old that mingyu left to go abroad.

you had worked on a video call schedule with him so that you and the children would have communication with him. he’d send a few pictures and videos of his life abroad… but it didn’t fill the feeling of longingness for him in your heart. you missed him so much.

raising all three of your children without your husband by your side took a toll on your mental and physical wellbeing. the first year without mingyu was the hardest for you, but you eventually got back on your feet thanks to the support you had from your friends, and his and your family. you knew you had to be strong not only for your husband and children, but also for yourself.

and you maintained your unwavering commitment to being a great mother to your children in the five years that mingyu was gone.

it was only until bo was seven years old that he met his father again. aji was about 15, and chi was 9 years old.

his five years abroad was the longest you two have ever been apart, but it proved to be an incredible testament to the lengths you both would endure just to provide your children with a comfortable life. a life that used to only exist in the movies and dramas that you two would watch before but has now been made possible because of the hard work and sacrifices you and mingyu made.

*

kim mingyu was chivalrous.

it was the simplest gesture of his that you would take notice of: he would hold open doors for you and your children. it was an automatic response from him–you didn’t need to ask him to–he just simply did it. as a father, his gentlemanly actions set the standards and expectations of your children. they especially influence the actions of your youngest son, bo. 

mingyu was someone that’s attentive to the needs of others. an altruistic person.

he’d say to your children, “if you can help, then help.”

your husband isn’t an overly kind person. he knows his boundaries… sometimes. in your viewpoint, at times, he gets a bit into helping others to the point that he fails to recognize that they were only using him for their own selfish reasons. you were his voice of reason and helped him put a limit to his kindness.

*

kim mingyu was a homemaker.

from cooking, driving the kids, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning dishes, folding clothes, mowing, cutting and dyeing the kids’ hair (and your hair)—mingyu was an absolute all rounder around the house. but it’s not like you don’t do your fair share of house chores–you do. the two of you alternate chores every week. it’s a routinized system that the two of you made. 

*

your relationship with your husband isn’t at all perfect, but you know you’re both going to get through it together. in times where you don’t see eye to eye, or say things in the heat of the moment… both of you will silently apologize through actions. 

it’s not like you both can’t verbally apologize to one another… it’s just that the both of you are not used to expressing your emotions. you two didn’t grow up in an environment where emotions were talked about.

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once, mingyu shared a personal story with you.

it was about his father.

he shared how he was distant with his father. mingyu, as a child, hated the way his father would always leave and make his mother cry. his mother always hid away in the bathroom or their "shared" bedroom to shed her tears, away from mingyu, but he heard them. he heard her painful cries every single night. there was never a day where his mother didn't cry herself to sleep.

his father was someone who couldn’t keep his zipper up—a cheater.

his father was what made kim mingyu the man that he is now.

he hated his father. he didn't want to be like him when he grew up. so he made a silent promise to himself that he would never treat the woman that he loved and married like how his father did to his mother.

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the past 25 years of your married life and family life had its ups and downs, of course no relationships are ever picture-perfect, but you try to embrace each other's shortcomings.

after 25 years of being married, you can proudly say that 23 year old you and 20 year old mingyu would be glad to see 48 year old you and 45 year old mingyu still standing strong together. that no matter what life has thrown your way, you've both gotten through those battles  and came out victorious at the end. (some battles may have taken some time to resolve but you both remained by each other's side.)

you and mingyu may not see eye to eye on some things, but you always try to make things work. you try to make compromises with each other. 

your marriage may have started because of unexpected circumstances... but it has led you both to an unpredictably beautiful future.

a future with your three children. a future with you and him. a future with a loving family that you both only wished of when you were younger.

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tears continuously pour down your face as you remember your trip down memory lane last night. you try to quietly wipe your tears and lower your weeping but your repeated attempts at silencing yourself only stirs your husband awake.

he's shifting his body beside you to try and face you. "hon..? are you—"

but before mingyu could see your tear stained face, you quickly buried your face into his bare chest.

"woah. (y/n)—honey—are you okay?" he slightly chuckled in his morning voice.

"m jst gld yr he," your muffled voice softly answered.

"what? i didn't understand what you said. could you repeat it while looking at me... please?"

he knew just how to get you to open up to him.

darn you, kim mingyu!

you gave in to his request.

“i’m just glad you’re here…”

you looked up at him and when you met each other’s eyes, his slowly started going wide with worry. "aww, (y/n)... did you have a bad dream?" he gently brushed your tear stained eyes and cheeks.

you shook your head. "no... it was actually the opposite."

giving him a small smile, you rest your head against his warm toned chest as you begin to share the contents of your dreams.

“i dreamt about us last night. how everything started to how everything is now. it opened my mind to how much we’ve been through all these years. it made me feel more grateful to have you as my life partner and husband.”

tears started to welled up in mingyu’s eyes. his heart overflowing with even more love for you.

"thank you for fighting for us, love. thank you for fighting for me–for fighting for our family. i know many were opposed to us because of the sanctity of our marriage but we proved them wrong by staying true to our vows. i’m so thankful that i have the best husband, partner, and father (to our children)–it’s more than i could ever ask for. i love you.”

with that, mingyu embraced you ever so delicately with his muscular arms, it was as if a gentle giant holding a porcelain vase, afraid you were going to break if he applied too much pressure.

“all the promises that i’ve made to you, on our wedding day and after we were married, will never be in vain (y/n)... i can assure you that. we’ve already been through so much together; we’ve witnessed each other's worst pains and great joys. we work great as a team and i wouldn’t want to experience the rest of my life without you. i want to keep making more great memories with you. i want us to keep being by each other's side. thank you for loving me, even though i’m not perfect.”

“i’m not perfect either gyu. we both are imperfect—but it’s that imperfection of ours that i love so much. we’re not perfect but we are perfectly imperfect for each other to love. we complement each other’s weaknesses with our strengths.”

his hold on you tightened slightly, as if he was afraid you would suddenly disappear. you couldn’t see it, but a single tear rolled down mingyu’s cheek. he wore a bittersweet smile on his face. 

your sentimental words have your husband feeling bashful and so warm inside.

feeling that his throat was closing up soon, he could only muster up the courage to utter one last endearment to you. 

“i love you (y/n)… more than you could ever know… thank you for loving this imperfect me.”

- fin.

[ajortga]

competition

pairing: slytherin!toxic!jenna ortega x ravenclaw!fem reader

summary: jenna loves to joke around, you both know it. as she gets braver and braver with her jokes, it comes with a price, eventually hurting you and taking away something you loved most.

warnings: slight angst, teasing remarks, heavy makeout scene, rushed ending, enemies to lovers

word count: 5.2k+

based off request!

-

Jenna criticizes literally everything about R's performance (J's an ass here 😓), while R is actually starting to get really pressured, J would always have something to say, thennn R gets tired of J's bs and begins focusing on themselves more, which would lead to R ignoring J for atleast a month or two, obviously J's pride is awfully. THEN J CONFESSES TO HER FRIEND, (how inlove she is w R and how she misses R sm) WITHOUT KNOWING THAT R IS NEARBY, OVERHEARING EVERYTHING. 😍😍 A DAY AFTER... R JUST TAKES J IN A PRIVATE ROOM AND KISSING TF OUTTA HER.

Slytherin Jenna! x Ravenclaw R!

-

Your test paper gets put on your desk, your teacher murmuring a small, “I expected better, Y/N.”

There was a 65% circled in red and it made you sick to your stomach, you had never gotten a low score before, especially in potions. You knew your concoctions and effects, you swear you had mixed everything perfectly. You groan in frustration, cursing to yourself.

Your hand scrunches, breathing in deeply as you ruffle your hair, now hearing the voice of the person you would rather befriend a frog with and use them first as a sacrifice for a blood sucking demon. 

“How can someone fail a potions exam? You managed to get first place for being the biggest dweeb, messing up the easiest class.” Jenna slightly smirks, teasingly as she approaches you and whispers sharply in your ear, your eyes glaring at her. “It’s impressive you didn’t notice a small switch of potions. All I did was switch the labels of the potions which had the same color and you didn’t even notice.”

Of course she switched up the potions to set you up for failing, “You know how important this is to me.”

“Aw.. I’m so sorry Y/N,” she mocks, “What a pity.” She pouts, “I don’t care.”

You want to smack her in the face, maybe throw that explosive potion you made to melt off her face, but you don’t. At this point you’re thinking of something to get her back, packing your spell books.

“I swear she won’t get off my shoulders, I haven’t done a single damn thing to Ortega.”

Emma laughs, nudging you, “Maybe she just likes teasing someone sweet like you.”

An annoyed exhale leaves your lips, not knowing what she meant by that, “Well she better stop it,” you grab your broom stick. 

Your friend thinks a little, “Just put a small spell on her broomstick! Nothing, you know, to make her hurt, just maybe throw her off balance.”

That interests you, you're trying to think of a sparkle you could just add onto hers. You notice she hasn’t gone to class yet and clearly you can see the large stick hidden between her name. As you approach, your fingers touch the stick, feeling the way your body immediately focuses, then you pull your finger away to go back to Emma. You feel like you shouldn’t, but you don’t feel a single ounce of guilt as a smirk forms when you reach her.

“Come on,” you urge, taking Emma’s hand as you make your way outside with your broom sticks. 

You use your right hand, grabbing it forward as Mrs. Hooch stays on the side, watching. You’ve all gotten the hang of it either way, it’s rare for some people to fall.

“Up!” Emma and you say in unison, seeing your sticks fly up as you smile at each other and hop on, ready for a flight.

You giggle, feeling yourself ascend. 

“Y/L/N,” You hear Jenna’s voice behind you, making your figure turn to face her. You see her stiffen. 

Emma gives you a look, cunning. 

“Ortega,” you greet, not so politely, but not rude nonetheless. 

“I’d challenge you to a racing match, but I do know that your ass is scared that I’ll beat and outrun you in seconds.”

You give out a snarky laugh, “I highly doubt you could even reach me by the time I ascend. I’m better at you than flying, we both know that.”

Jenna does know that, sort of. And she doesn’t want you to prove it, not during flight class while everyone is watching.

“Unless you’ve changed your mind and don’t want to challenge me, niñita,” you respond again, seeing the way Jenna was thinking.

“Then I challenge you,”

“And I accept.”

Emma nudges you, you hear her whisper in your ear, “Well, she’d probably complain, you did sort of spell her broom and she’d notice as soon as she’d get on.”

A grin forms on your lips, tearing your eyes from the tiny Jenna, “Well, I spelled it so that if Jenna were to try anything, cause that’s the bitch she is, the spell would take effect. I’m not entirely making myself win at all. I know for a fact she’d try to make me loose, she doesn’t want to lose at all, well at least to me. I know her long enough to know she’d put a spell to make me lose balance, Em.”

You see Hooch in the corner of your eye, “Plus, Hooch is watching everything, and because I spelled her broom before hand, nothing will happen until she aims some spell at me. Hooch will see that, or at least a little sparkle and chant of words. But she won’t see mine, since I spelled it before, and she’ll just think Jenna lost her balance trying to spell me.”

Emma looks at you, not knowing if you should go on.

“Em! Seriously, Jenna has been making me miserable this year, and I haven’t done anything. This is just a playful harmless thing. It’s the least I can do. I could’ve spawned a rat in her dorm that follows her everywhere!”

“Go, I sort of want to see her fall.”

The grin that disappeared forms again, winking at her as you hop back on your broom.

Then you two are off.

-

You rush through the field, feeling the wind blow through your hair. You loved feeling that cool breeze, it’s unreal, flying is your favorite thing to do.

Jennas not far behind, but far enough to know that you’ll win. 

She groans to herself, watching your pretty, she meant nasty figure speed ahead.

The brunette’s eyes narrow, she wasn’t going to let you win without a fight, she focuses on your broom, she’s close enough to do something. 

The wind is making your hair go crazy, but in a good way. Everyone is waiting their turn from below, watching you race through the course. Fast enough to feel their hair blow from your swiftness.

An exhale pasts her lips, you can see her trying to come closer, or almost urging you to slow down. But you don’t, of course you won’t. You speed faster, dodging an incoming tree and turning a corner.

Jenna feels blood rushing through her ears, murmuring something under her breath as she gets ready to swish through you and laugh.

She begins the spell, feeling her fingertips slightly tingle. But as soon as she’s about to shoot a spark, her hands let go and she sees the blue flying spark stumble towards you. Instead of it hitting your broom and making it shake, your hair flies through the wind and it shoots back at her. 

Jenna yelps, feeling the way her broom starts to shake.

Emma giggles from the sidelines, as soon as you pass the blonde’s figure, you send her a thumbs up and a knowing wink.

God finally.

The brunette loses her balance, feeling the broom shake left and right, she’s clinging onto it tightly, smacks her head on loose branches. She feels herself slow down to regain a steady pace, but as she speeds up again, you’re already gone, swerving a corner.

-

The tiny brunette grumbles from the benches, watching you smile and jump up and down. 

“Impressive play out there, Y/N. You just might be our best flier out there, keep your swift performance and you’ll be on for Quidditch.”

You already knew you’d win, even if Jenna hit your broom with her spell. You’ve won every time racing against the class.

You approach her, giving her a half-hearted smile, you’d take it as a smirk.

“Well, someone tried to cheat.”

You hear her huff, and it makes you giggle, you brush off the stick that is stuck in her hair.

-

“I regret doing that, Em, that tiny tiny 3 foot 1 foot cockroach is making me fall into her traps,” you murmur, stomping your foot.

“At least you got a taste of revenge, Y/N.” 

“I guess so,” you say, sinking into your seat, you feel yourself begin to find her playful and harmless banters to be stressful by every joke and scandal that girl plays.

-

As Quidditch season approaches, Jenna swipes her hair to the side, tying it up as you watch her with narrow eyes. It’s just a regular racing match this time. No ball. Just two talented people against each other.

Well, one more talented than the other, you think to yourself

Hooch brings you two together, in which you stare each other down, your gaze not faltering on each other.

“Goodluck, I wish you two a fair match.”

You two shake hands, though you both won’t admit it was a genuine one. You give Jenna a final glare before gazing back at the field, focusing. 

“Ready?” Hooch says, you don’t respond, just a subtle nod.

“And.. Up!”

You and Jenna shout at your brooms.

“Up!” you command, seeing your favorite item fly up, you jump on it.

Then you both swing off.

Again, not long after, does Hooch see the way your practicing and after school matches with friends are working well. You’re much farther than Jenna is, and again, it’s like no other match. But this time Jenna isn’t going to let you win again.

She growls, casting spells onto your broom and immediately, you feel your broom slow down.

“What the hell.” You mutter to yourself, you dive down. But it seems like your broom isn’t listening.

It’s swishing up and down, left to right, and you steady yourself, but you’re shaking.

You're swinging back and forth and you're losing control, you can’t make your broom stop. It’s not like just a shake of your broom and you lose balance before catching yourself, this time it’s worse. Your broom isn’t listening.

You scream to yourself, not too loud. But Mrs. Hooch can see the way Jenna is catching up, she knows Jenna did something, but it’s not looking good. Sure playful banters were okay. 

But instead of dodging a tree, you smack your head straight into the leafiness, feeling the thorns of the leaves sink and cut beneath your eye. Jenna swishes through you, not looking back. The pain immediately comes through, harsh stings roaring through your skin. You cry out, completely losing balance on your broom, crashing into the tree harshly and feeling your head bang into the wood. 

Jenna still hasn’t noticed the damage she’s caused.

You feel yourself fall.

Farther and farther.

Till your body crashes down on the grassy field, your bones from the fall aren’t helping. You hear the way they crack. And then you feel warm blood trickling down your forehead and down from the cut on your eye. You whimper.

Black spots invade your vision and you feel carsick. But you know you’re not in a car.

Your eyes flutter, making a soft groan as Emma approaches you. You can barely see her worried face but you know she’s scared.

“Y/N, can you hear me?” She says, it’s muffled. You don’t respond, her figure is blurry, you can barely see her blue eyes.

Before you can even think of a response, your eyes shut.

And as Jenna reaches the finish line, she just turns around, to notice you at least tens of feet below from her, collapsed on the ground and curled up. She can’t help but feel a gasp fall from her lips, diving down and getting off her broom stick.

She didn’t mean for it to get this chaotic, she was just hoping you’d crash into a branch and get all angry and fussy. Not get hurt. As she approaches closer, she sees blood trickling down your face as your chest heaves up and down. Emma looks at you, worriedly as everyone surrounds you two.

Jenna feels something that she doesn’t want to admit, she feels guilty for hurting you. You had barely done anything to her, but she’s messed with you countless times, you’ve gotten in trouble for it.

And you never ratted her out. The one time you decide to get her back, she’s taken things too far.

“God,” she murmurs, her voice betraying her as she pushes through the crowds of people, “Is she okay?”

The way her friend turns to her, your best friend looks like she’s about to explode, “Does she look okay? DOES SHE LOOK OKAY JENNA? What the hell were you thinking?” the blonde says the last part half aloud, where only Ortega can hear.

“I didn’t think she’d get hurt!” Jenna retorts, kneeling down and putting her hesitant hand over your chest, feeling the way it was beating quickly, chest going up and down, up down.

Immediately nurses come and drag you out, Emma following you as they take you to the infirmary. 

Jenna feels herself following too, until Hooch catches up with her.

“Ortega!” Her voice is loud, screeching as she pulls Jenna off to the side, “what on earth do you think you were doing? You’ve gotten Y/N seriously hurt because of a stupid practice match! Don’t think I didn’t catch the lame spell you’ve cast.” her eyes are wild, angry, “You know we don’t allow spells on the battlefield, I know some of Hogwarts students have broken it, but it’s never been so severe, you’ve hurt her tremendously. She’s bleeding, and I think she’ll suffer some sprains.”

Jenna nods, she understands. Sort of. She wants to understand, she knows what she did was bad. Hooch takes a deep breath, “I’m disappointed with you.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t know if Y/N will heal in three months, she’s been our best and fastest player, with quick decisions and speedy moves. She might have to sit out on Quidditch, I was looking forward to taking the trophy this season. And I would disqualify you, send you to detention after school everyday till she properly heals,” Hooch takes a deep breath, “But you have to be one of our players because you have the ability to. That doesn’t mean that you won’t get detention. I’ll even ask Dumbledore to exclude you from house games.

God, Jenna didn’t mean to make you be kicked out this season. She knew how much you wanted it. She can’t help but feel guilty.

Hooch’s voice once again speaks up, “And I expect you to apologize and pay her a visit. You two have never gotten along, but I know you both care about each other. Even if it’s slight.”

A soft nod leaves her, her eyes lingering on your small figure that is now being taken to surgery. Maybe she’ll slow down with the pranks.

-

As soon as visitors are allowed in, Jenna begins to stand up and approach your door.

“Ortega, what the hell do you think you’re doing? Don’t open that door,” it’s Emma's voice, but this time she sounds much more angry. Unlike the voice the brunette is used to hearing.

The way Jenna stands there, Emma narrows her eyes, “You’ve already hurt her, what more can you need? Unplug the oxygen tank and start laughing your stubborn ass up? I don’t think so.” 

She was taken by surprise, the fact that both you and Emma have gotten used to her tricks, she feels herself biting her lip.

“N-no.. No, not anything like that. I just wanted to apologize. I know my tricks have gone a bit farther than expected.”

Emma approaches her, pressing her finger to Jenna’s chest, “You’ve hurt her more than enough, and I can see it. She’s done nothing to you! Nothing!” your best friend growls, and Jenna backs up.

“You just don’t understand how much you’ve pressured her! Because you’re too busy standing there like the spoiled person you are on your banters.”

Jenna smacks her hands off, raising both of her hands to show she’s ‘surrendering,’ “I know, I know Em! Just let me apologize.”

“Not when she’s just about to wake up, you wouldn’t want the least expected person who hurt you to show up as soon as you wake up. Give her time,” the blonde grumbles, shushing her back to her seat as she enters your room. Jenna stands up again, noticing you're still unconscious.

Emma can feel her presence, and decides not to turn back as she sits on the chair next to you. Your face lost its color. None of the pink shade that tinted your cheeks when Jenna teased you. The pink shade that she wanted to see was gone, replaced by a pale, tired face, sound asleep. 

There were cuts all over you, she saw some bruises and there was a big bandage wrapped around your right cheek. She also saw a deep cut that was gauzed up in your arm. She winced. A few broken bones maybe.

She didn’t know it was this bad. The only noise was Emma’s sniffles, and the small beep of your heartbeat’s monitor. Jenna sighs, scooting closer and hesitantly bringing her hand close to your face. She felt like if she were to touch you, you would turn into dust. 

Her hand gently traces your fast, your nose slightly twitches, but she knows you’re too weak to move or wake up. Then she brushes through your hair, it’s weird beginning to see all the times she’s treated you wrongly as something she shouldn’t have done. Each trick got worse than the other, more risky of being harmed. And now look at you, all broken and bruised.

I didn’t mean it, Jenna thinks, looking down at your tiny figure.

I really didn’t mean it.

-

Your eyes flutter closed, and immediately you close them again, groaning from the whitest most lightest light you’ve ever encountered, covering yourself with a blanket. As soon as you move, you moan softly in pain, feeling pain roar through your body.

“Stay still,” you hear a familiar voice say, you can’t lend your finger on it. It sounds pretty, and before you can process it your brain switches that thought off. It’s your annoying rival that casted a spell that got you here in the first place. Jenna stupid Ortega.

You grunt, looking up at her, you feel bandages around you, avoiding contact with the brunette.

“Emma should be back soon, she was getting some flowers for you.”

“Good, then you can leave.”

Harsh.

You hear the way Jenna sighs, and you shake it off, turning slightly so you can face the entertaining wall instead of her.

“Look Y/N, I’m sorry.”

..

“Please, can’t you see I’m apologizing?”

“No, Jenna. You knew I didn’t like these things you did to me before. And you decide to apologize now? Do you think it’s going to make me forgive you just like that?” You say, turning back at her, a storm brews behind your eyes.

“I can’t participate in the one thing I was looking forward to this season! Just because you put this spell that you knew could harm me badly! You knew I wanted to be in Quidditch!” Jenna winces at your increasing voice.

“You could’ve been on the team too! It’s not just one of us! But you got your actions in the way before you could even think! And now you want to apologize?” It's loud, your voice begins to falter a little. Your shoulders untense, and Jenna can hear the monitor of your heart increase by four times, she shushes you, pulling you onto your back.

“Stop,” she says, her voice is too soft for your liking, you can’t think. Too much is going on in your mind, “Please.”

“Get out Jenna.”

“W-what? You don’t understand.. I’m trying to-”

“Jenna, get the hell out!” You snap, your eyes filled to the max with unshed tears.

You stay silent, before cracking out a tiny, “Please.”

And like that, Jenna walks out of the room, murmuring an “I’m sorry.”

Just this time, she really wanted you to know that she meant it.

-

It’s been a month, and by now your arm was barely healing, and there was a stupid ugly mark of a cut on your face. The pain was harsh, if your arm didn’t heal by the time Quidditch began, all your practice and effort would flush down the drain. It scared you.

As bad as the pain got, your mark would probably never fade, there would always be a purple cut marked under your eye. Even once it’s completely healed, ones that meet you will notice your cut, in a lighter shade than your actual skin tone. It made you cry every night, silently. 

It was stupid to cry over, your deep bruises weren’t even close to healing. Every time you would accidentally press into it, you’d shriek in pain. You felt insecure of yourself. It didn’t feel good, every time you’d look at yourself in the mirror there would be your healing cuts scarred over your body. 

“It looks s-so ugly..” You hiccup, looking at yourself in the mirror, Emma by your side as she shakes her head, “Nonsense, it’s okay.”

“It might never go away.” 

“And that’s okay, when you're older, you’ll find it silly, I promise. It’s a reminder of being here, and to remind you that competition is less superior when it comes to safety.”

You can’t help but feel yourself shrink, watching the scar on your face haunt you.

-

Jenna sees you in the hallways, you're in half her classes. But every single time she looks at you, you’re never looking her way. Not like before. Not when exam scores are passed out during Snape or McGonagall when you usually turn around and she waves her high score in the air, but you always wave yours back, grinning happily when you got one percent higher than her. She found you annoying, but now she feels like she’s taken you for granted. You were the one who taught her how to properly care for her plant in Herbology, although most of the time she’s retained information from the random songs and joking nerdy remarks. 

Jenna hated sitting next to you in that class, she loved teasing you and making you explode from frustration. She hated the way you looked at her and had the ability to somehow use some Hogwarts nonsense to make her think back at your smile. 

It was something you did to her, it couldn’t have been herself, she’d never be thinking of your smile or you in general. You must’ve casted a spell on her.

Yet she remembers that she’s thinking about you right now. 

Anyways, she hated the way you smirked at her and kept kicking your feet to hers, then growing some mushroom on her damn shoe.

“What the fuck Y/N? Why is there a green toadstool on my fucking foot?” She says, angrily as you laugh and fall out of your seat. She tries shaking off the small mushroom with her foot, but then it makes it grow even bigger.

And by the end of the day there is a 20 foot mushroom on her shoe, shading her as she walks home, heading straight for the knife to cut it off. 

The thought made her smile a bit. She didn’t want to admit it, she didn’t know how you did it. Or maybe when she kept tapping her pen to purposely annoy you, then when you snapped, light blue sparkles flew out of your mouth and made your voice sound wonky.

Now, you barely looked at her. For the entirety of when you were gone, you had to catch up. She felt a little relieved, you could finally talk to her by asking for notes. Didn’t want to admit the pit in her chest when you asked the person behind you.

I’m sorry, Jenna thinks, she wants to scream at you and apologize until you forgive her.

You ignored her, and she knew she deserved it. She treated you so wrongly. Sure she knew you never mind those moments she looked back to, but she knew that she grew more and more brave with her pranks, growing less and less cautious of even thinking of your safety and feelings.

She hates seeing that look in your eyes as everyone in Hooch’s class shouts, “Up!” with excitement, and you sit there, alone on the bleachers as you watch. 

As you watch your whole class fly off, Emma giving you a small, concerned look, and a tight-lipped, forceful smile forms on your lips, assuring you were fine.

She hates the way she can remember the smile leaving your lips as Emma leaves off for the race, then looking down with melancholy traced in your features.

I’m sorry.

The shorter brunette can’t stand the way you look at everyone fly off, knowing that someone that you know won’t be you will probably take your place in Quidditch. She can see it in your eyes, kicking the dirt, hoping that somehow you can kick the pain and broken limbs away.

This time, she can’t tear your eyes away from your tiny figure.

Yet she knows that you won’t even look at her, never noticing the sympathetic stares she gives you, replaced with the ones once filled with competition.

-

Emma’s voice is dull, almost like she doesn’t want to talk to Jenna after the incident.

“You’re seriously asking me to have Y/N talk to you?” she questions, looking at her with suspicion.

“Please, Em! It’s been a month, and I’ve been trying to apologize.”

The blonde crosses her arms, trying to defend you, “Well what if she doesn’t want to talk to you or apologize?”

“I don’t care!” Jenna throws her arms in the air, “I know what I did was wrong and if I’m being honest, class is getting boring without having her competition and silly remarks behind my back.”

Jenna freezes, what she says kind of sounds weird.

Emma hums, then she turns to Jenna, “So, what are you saying Jenna?”

“I care about her!” She groans, rubbing her cheeks, “I’m starting to think that I’ve cared about her since I met her but didn’t know till my actions got her hurt. I was going to apologize but now I’m shitting desperate. She won’t get out of my mind and.. I don’t know!”

Jenna groans, trying to think of what this was, “I just keep thinking about the things she doesn’t do anymore, and it’s sad not having her by my side. I feel guilty. And I need to apologize even more so she can get out of my head! Em, please, I can’t get that stupid silly cute smile out of my head. And I can’t damn focus knowing that the girl that sits next to me in McGonagall is full on avoiding me!”

She doesn’t realize the way she’s been rambling, she looks at Emma, whose face expression has changed. In some way, she’s slightly having a grin on her face, “You’re in love with her.”

“What? I don’t know! Maybe, I just-I feel bad, and I want to apologize and make it okay again. It’s just so dull and I’ll.. I don’t even fucking know. I just miss her and the way it used to be.”

“You should’ve told me that,” your soft voice sing-songs from behind her, making her tense up and turn around.

“Y/N,” Jenna stutters.

“Jenna,” you mumble, voice slightly breathy.

“I didn’t think you were-” she squeals in surprise as you drag her by the arm, panting softly as you drag her into a room, god who knows what Hogwarts classroom this is.

“Look Y/N, I’m sorry, but why are we in someones-mmph.” You seal her lips with a random spell under your lips and you place your finger to her mouth. 

You slightly smirk, god she missed it, she looks down at your lips, she rolls her eyes, “Apologize to me and I’ll let you do what you’ve wanted to do.” You undo your spell, taking off your finger from her mouth as she begins to speak.

“Wha?-”

“Go on.”

You were teasing her, and she breathed, “Okay, I’m sorry. For hurting you, I know I went too far,” she was rambling as she speaks a little faster, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just felt more brave as much as I teased you and I know I went too far this time. And I promise I didn’t try to hurt you, I know how much Quidditch meant to you..” she gulps again, taking a breath. “What I did led to a lot of things, and I’ve noticed the way I grew upset when I knew you began to avoid me, and I’ll admit I miss you.” Jenna says the last part hesitantly.

The brunette looked up at you and you were looking at her, hesitant eyes, but almost filled with need? She now noticed the more visible cut on your eye, and you look away, seeing her gaze on the mark you were most insecure on, you cover your face.

“Stop that,” Jenna smacks your hands away and it feels like her hesitation swept away, she slowly reached up to cup your cheeks, in which your uncertainty melted. She looks at the mark, it was better than when she saw you unconscious on the floor. That’s all that matters. She wants to roll her eyes but now she feels weird when she does that.

“Does it hurt?”

You shake your head, “Just a little.”

"I'm sorry about Quidditch."

"I'm still angry about that, my arm should heal soon though, before it starts."

.. An awkward silence passes, then you look down at her pink lips.

Jenna hums, then you tug her closer, making a small whine.

“Please kiss me.”

Jenna’s eyes widen, taking her hands away from your cheeks.

“What?”

“Please,” you plead, your eyes filled with want.

Her eyes flicker from your lips as she cups your cheeks again and brings you to her mouth. As they meet, you’re all small and soft moans, kissing her with need. Hunger. It’s different. Teasing you doesn’t come with words, she’s teasing you with her mouth, feeling the way you grip onto her. 

More more more, don’t stop.

You taste exactly how Jenna thought you would, but just so much better. So addicting, it makes her mind spin with you. Coca cola and addictive vanilla. It mixes well with the taste of hers, you let her capture your tongue. It’s feverish, tongue and want combined. She indulges in the way you make a tiny moan as she nibbles your tongue. Your wanting lips push harder to hers, your body pressing against her as you slightly find something to grind against.

It’s heated and different. She tugs you closer, finding it adorable as you pull away for a tiny breath, then continue, like you don’t want to stop feeling her lips on yours. Her hands. Your fingers tugging against her hair.

Long moments after you pull away, you both are panting, your head buried deep into her chest. She rubs your hair.

“I didn’t think you were that experienced,” you whisper.

She rolls her eyes, pressing her lips to your forehead, “I didn’t think you’d pull me into a room and start begging me to kiss you and make out with you.”

“Mm..”

“Well, did my kisses grant your forgiveness for me?

“Maybe.”

“What if I give you another round?”

She smirks, seeing the way you lean back into her.

“Deal.”

She presses her lips that just left yours once again, feeling your hands tangle back into her hair.

[katelynnwrites]

all the luck in the world | lea schüller

warnings: ~

word count: 807

summary: you only believe in luck when it comes to lea

a/n: just a lil lea appreciation blurb

luck is a funny thing.

some people say attribute every good thing that's happened to them to it and while you don't do that, you have never once doubted that in more than one situation, luck had nothing to do with it.

because you worked hard for every good thing you have in your life.

your career's been built on sacrifices and effort. you're at the top because you fought your way there. you're so good at what you do because you chose to be, putting in the work day in and day out to make it happen.

it hadn't been something as random as luck that had made you successful. it had been a little girl with a dream of being a professional footballer who had poured every bit of herself into fulfilling it that did.

your club hadn't noticed you by chance. your country's coach hadn't noticed you because of it either.

as for bad luck, it is simply your belief that unfortunate things just happened. injury comes out of the blue sometimes and there is no way to foresee and therefore prevent it.

for better or for worse, things simply happen.

so really, you don't quite believe in luck.

not unless it comes to the blonde currently lying in your bed.

there is no other way to explain it. you'd admired her for so long, crushed on her for long that it's practically a dream for you to be able to touch her, to kiss her and call her yours.

you have both luck and lena to thank for it.

really, you'd almost given up hope that lea would ever notice your feelings for her when obi succeeded in finally knocking sense into her oblivious best friend's head.

her best friend who had apparently thought she was alone in her less than platonic longing.

the two of you could be considered idiots. idiots with good luck.

but that's all past now because you have lea and lea has you.

the striker has her hair loose, it's spread across your pillow and she is smiling up at you.

it is too tempting of a sight and you can't help whispering, 'you're so pretty.'

very gently, you lean in and brush your lips across hers.

she sighs contentedly into it and you continue to kiss her after briefly drawing back and murmuring, 'so gorgeous.'

your girlfriend melts a little and you take the opportunity to straddle her, lightly brushing strands of hair from her face.

her blue eyes blink and you decide you love the way her eyelashes flutter as she does so.

'absolutely breathtaking.' you state and bring your lips down to meet hers again.

lea lets out a tiny moan and encouraged by it, you begin to kiss your way towards her exposed collarbones.

each time your lips touch her skin, the german woman trembles beneath you. the effect you have on her is intoxicating and she would not have it otherwise.

'baby.' she breathes when place a particularly long kiss on the edge of her collarbone.

you huff a small laugh and kiss her again, your lips trailing further down towards her breasts.

lea's breath audibly catches as you scatter open mouthed kisses onto the sensitive area.

now you only have access to whatever isn't covered by the sports bra she's wearing because the both of you are still in the early stages of your relationship. neither of you are ready for that kind of intimacy yet. soon but not just yet.

for now though, seeing lea's chest rise and fall in an increasingly fast rate because of your ministrations is enough. it gives you your own personal high.

germany's star forward bites her lip as her hands brace themselves on your hips so you check, 'this okay?'

the bayern munich player nods rapidly, 'don't stop. please.'

very happily, you do as she asks.

your girlfriend's skin is soft and the touch of your lips against it elicits sharp gasps and brief whimpers from her.

lea's fingers dig into your waist and you groan her name out loud.

'you're the definition of the word beautiful my love.'

the blonde's mouth parts slightly and she flushes from her face all the way down to her chest.

'okay.' she breathes shyly.

'and so amazingly talented too. we wouldn't have gotten this far in the competition without you.' you add.

ever humble, the striker starts to protest but you grin and move to kiss her senseless once more, effectively shutting her up.

it's not often that the both of you can get some time alone while with the national team, especially when competing at a big tournament like the olympics.

so you are going to make the absolute best out of the precious time that you have, while your pretty pretty girlfriend's here in your bed.

[heartofbusan]

https://x.com/koomibleu/status/1844038967181910442

In the show we basically saw Jimin and Jungkook go on about 10 dinner dates, and even when with Tae, they zeroed in on each other, making sure the other was enjoying the food, and was happy. How special is that? Some meals in their pjs, others in relaxed clothing, intimate and casual. Ahh my heart. 😭

Oh, i love the idea of 'dinner dates'. So sweet, right?

Jikook wanting to see the other well-fed speaks of an intimacy that is familial and caring. Domestic.

Food brings them, as true born Koreans, so much joy and especially for jikook: connection. They have spent many hours talking about the food they'll get to eat once a cb is over, or once they have the space to relax, what to indulge in, something they do just for themselves, not their audience. No wonder Jungkook had Jimin and food on the brain when he was done with preliminary promotions in NY. He was ready to relax and indulge, and he wanted Jimin to do the same because they prioritize each others happiness. I assume they also connect over their desire to look good but also to sacrifice meals to get there. I often think Jungkook loves to cook for Jimin because it ensures Jimin is eating well, and this is obviously important to JK. Again: get your priorities straight in your relationship. Sharing a meal is #1 for both of them.

[k-slla]

Fate, Or Something Like It | part 1

Little bit of a crossover between The Boys & Suits

A/N: So this is the last square filled on my first card for @jacklesversebingo ! Honestly didn't think I'd get to this, but look at that! 😄

Square filled: "You made me get out of my pajamas for this?"

Also using the chance to post it as my first entry to @artyandink's JENSEN-A-THON.:) (I was said there is no max word count😅)

Based on THIS request that an anon sent me and it will be a 2 part story :)

Word count: ~12.9k | My Masterlist

Both parts will have separate warning, in this one you will find: Slightly OOC Ben, naive reader, physical assault, choking, language, angst, mentions and descriptions of torture, use of drugs and alcohol, mentions of past traumas, partial frontal nudity, size kink(if you squint), brief Fem masturbation -I hope I didn't miss any:)

Special thanks to @nescaveckwriter - for your help and inspiration torture through all those gifs you hyped me up with! 😈Love you, Nes!

ENJOY!

If anyone would’ve asked you right now ‘Are you happy?’ you could've easily answered them with a simple ‘yes’. Saying you were a workaholic, would've been definitely an understatement, but it was a good thing that anything else in your personal life didn't require that much attention, so you happily took on as much work as possible. At least it kept you busy. 

You were working at Pearson Hardman, one of the top law firms in New York. With a professional long-time dream of becoming a senior partner in the firm, you were glad to see that your efforts were slowly paying off. Only one obstacle stood in your way - Harvey Specter. Harvey was a good attorney, you had to admit that. Probably one of the best New York has ever seen, but you hoped to have a chance to prove that you were better. 

You didn't hide your ambition of becoming a partner from anyone and Jessica saw how hard you worked to deserve that spot amongst them. The other partners saw that. And you knew that even Harvey saw how much you were ready to sacrifice for the job. You practically lived in your office. And if that was what it took to reach your goal then sleeping in your bed and having a personal life were small things to give up on. But Harvey shared that mentality, and you were well aware of that. 

Both of you had been competing with each other ever since you met in Harvard, so it wasn't exactly a surprise that this position was basically up between you two, too. But a friendly competition hurt no one, if anything, it gave you the drive to work even harder than before. And you loved it. So yes, you could've said you were happy with your life, because then you just didn’t know yet what, or rather who was missing from it. Until you ran into the man, who'd then turn your life upside down just in a week. 

There he was waiting in front of your work place one evening. You had to admit, he was hard to miss in his green super soldier outfit, but you walked right past him, which just seemed to offend him, judging by the sudden shift of his attitude. Of course you knew who he was, how the women threw themselves at him. All the ladies’ favorite Soldier Boy. You could’ve bet he expected the same kind of reaction from you he had already gotten used to. 

But you didn't fall for his look. You didn't have strength to react to him in any way, so you continued on your way, trying to get home to sleep. Out of nowhere someone yanked you backwards towards the alleyway. A quick ‘hey’ was all you managed to say, before you saw that it was in fact Soldier Boy who had attacked you. 

There was no one around at the moment so just screaming for help wouldn't have worked. Not that it would've even with people around you. He was huge and could easily take on anyone in a fight, but you still tried to get yourself away from him. “No! Let me go!” you grunted. Having a hard time keeping up with his long strides, you were around the building already as he dragged you after him into the alley, pushing you then roughly against the wall. “What do you want from me?” you gritted through the teeth as he held you against the wall, trying your hardest to get yourself free from him.

“Nothing much, doll. Just a little…payback.” He whispered, coming in closer to your face, his low voice vibrating in your ear. With a grin, his hand slowly rose from your chest up to your neck, cutting off the air from you. You fought hard trying to pry his hand away from your neck, but he only tightened his grip. 

“I…haven't…done anything…to you.” You said with a strained voice. You could already feel his hurt, anger and hate, it was just radiating from him. You tried to get through to him, to try to ease him from all that, help him, but all you got was what he's been through for those close to 40 years that he was considered dead. Seeing what he went through, you knew that's what he probably wished for as well. 

You were also a supe, but one of those unimportant ones, who besides The Seven didn't really exist to the rest of the society. Luckily you weren't shooting lasers from your eyes, so it was easy for you to hide your power from others. You were a healer. Kind of. 

You could feel what the person had been through, by physical contact. That's how it usually was. It came to you as a sense of negative emotion they had, caused by their experienced distress and trauma, and you “healed” them - erased the pain etched to the memory. But sometimes, when those memories were stronger, they ran in your head like movies. Sometimes, they even caused you physical pain. 

“Don't fucking lie to me! You were there! I saw you.” You already started to get light headed, but gathering your last strength, you managed to kick him. No surprise - it had no effect on him, but it still made him lighten his grip around your neck slightly. 

You could feel everything he was put through. The torture. The betrayal. And all the hurt that had remained. It was too much for one person to go through, even for a supe like him. 

The images of his memories in Russia started to flash before your eyes. Pictures of him restrained- being shot at, burned, poisoned, electrocuted. All that pain over and over again. 

You saw all of it through his eyes. You felt everything he was put through. He may be hard to kill, probably impossible even, but he still felt all that pain and torture. It all must've left some mark on his psyche. 

Hot tears started prickling in your eyes. What you weren't sure of was the reason why. Were they just your body's natural response to him choking you or did you feel sorry for him? First option sounded like a reasonable choice, but you knew your heart was leaning towards the other end. Your naivety got you believing that even someone like Soldier Boy didn't deserve that.

“I wasn't there. I heard what they did, but I wasn't there!” You couldn't tell him about your power, what you had just seen, he'd never believe you and would probably kill you right then and there. 

But Ben on the other hand was sure he wasn't imagining things. He might have downed a bottle of pills and a whiskey before coming for you, but his mind was clear. As much as it could've been. He didn't get much influenced by drugs or alcohol before, but after Russia something had changed. He had no idea what they'd exactly done to him, but he started to get occasional blackouts from drugs and those fucking obnoxious Russian tracks that started ringing in his ears every time someone pissed him off. Even now he was a little bit out of it. 

He knew what he saw when the Reds had him held up. He thought so at least. Every day, or night even, when they experimented on him, tried to kill him, or whatever the fuck they were doing, there was a woman. Spitting image of the one in front of him. The one that he was most eager to find. 

She took away his will. His will to fight back. She took away his will to break free from his restraints and to rip the heads off them one by one, leaving as his only option to wait for his love to come to save him, not knowing she was part of the team who had betrayed him. She had left him to rot in the hopelessness of his own mind. 

But focusing on the woman standing in front of him, Ben's mind was getting a little foggy. Fuck...was it even her? She's not using her power. She's scared, polar opposite to the woman he saw in the lab - cold as ice, lifeless. For a moment he thought that his mind had just started to fill the blanks. She’s…different. She's not even trying to control me. Am I just high? 

Ben was getting truly hesitant of trusting himself. He almost wanted to let her go, when he realized it was just some trick on him. It had to be. She is playing with me. Like she did there.

“I saw you! You were there, every goddamn day when they tortured me! Playing your fucking mind games with me.” He wasn't giving up. He had a list. He had almost forty years to think of each one of them who betrayed him, how to make them pay. Of course he started with Countess. She sure was surprised to see him alive. And finally when he had found you, he now had second thoughts. 

“No...I.. wasn't! I...please...” Your words were slowly dying on your lips. If it weren't for the group of teenagers walking by, Ben would've most certainly killed you. He threw a sideways glance at them. As tempting as it might've been, he knew better than to kill with witnesses around. Not to mention kids. He still had some reputation to maintain. Not that he really cared about that. But he knew he'd have another chance with you. He'll make sure of it. Ben let go of you and you fell straight to the ground. Without missing a beat, you grabbed your bag that you had dropped and ran from him, not daring to look back. “The fuck you're staring at?” You heard him shout behind you, aiming it towards the teens who had begun staring at you two.

When you finally got home - much, much later than you had expected - you had no energy left to cook or clean. All you wanted was a relaxing shower and a decent amount of sleep for a change. Mindlessly you sat under the hot stream of water on the bathroom floor and the events of tonight really got to you. 

He was ready to kill you tonight and still you were sympathetic for him. While studying the pattern of the floor tiles for a long time, you got more certain with each passing minute that there must be something wrong with you, because there was just no other reason for you to feel sorry for him. You were so stuck in tonight's events, you didn't even notice the water starting to run colder, until the sudden icy water falling onto your shoulders brought you back. Trying not to slip, you scrambled out of the shower as quickly you could. 

You couldn't sleep that night. Not as much as you had hoped at least. You couldn't stop thinking about his words that were still echoing in your head. 

“You were there, every goddamn day when they tortured me!” 

It was almost four decades ago. You weren't even alive then. He must've been just hallucinating there. There couldn’t be any other explanation. Wouldn't be a surprise exactly, too, if you thought more about it, considering what he went through. 

Finally, very early in the morning, you managed to fall asleep. But in all those barely three hours of sleep that you got, you had one sight in mind. Green eyes. His eyes. Full of hate and anger towards the world around him, and trying to hide the pain eating him up from the inside. You knew it was probably not his plan to let it show, but he just didn't know who you really are. 

For the remaining two work days you had left before the weekend, as hard as it was, you were fortunately able to push the incident with him from your mind and focus fully on work. 

And on Friday night, another asshole, a lot friendlier than Soldier Boy, but still a kind of jerk, flew in to ruin your night, again, in the form of Billy Butcher.

“Hey there, sweetheart.” 

Your friendship with Billy was, to put it mildly...odd. He only called you to ask “favors” regarding your power, every now and then, and while you had no reason to give in to him, you just couldn't bring yourself to say no. But considering how the last few times have gone, this time he called to probably claim your soul. 

“What do you want?” Just a call from him had already put a dent into your peaceful evening, so you were in no mood for him beating around the bush. 

“What? No hello?” He laughed, but not getting a reaction from you, he continued. “Straight to the business then. Can a..uh.. let's just call him a friend of mine..can he stay with you for a week?” There was silence on the line for a second. “Or possibly two?” Billy added under his breath.

“What! No!” You couldn’t get your rejection at his plan out any faster. “Not after last time!” 

“Hey! Don't blame me for that. I didn't know they would…nevermind..” he muttered. “I just really need someone to keep an eye on Ben. He's.. He's been through some stuff and has a bit of a “shell shock” as one might say.” 

You heard a little shuffling on the other side and a faint grumpy voice. “I don't have shell shock. Fuck you!” 

“I'm not letting anyone in my apartment again.” You stood your ground. 

“Sweetheart, I'm begging you! Really am! Just this one time.” You sensed from his voice he was getting a bit desperate. 

“Is she bitching?” You heard that same low voice as before. 

“You can tell your friend that I heard that and I do not appreciate it! My answer is no!"

“Ben, shut it. Please, I need someone I trust to look after him. He needs help and I know you, you really are the only one who can help him.” Billy said quietly into the phone. 

“No. I have work and I don't want anyone in my home when I'm not there.” 

“Fair! How about this then...”    

You had no idea how he managed to convince you to move into their headquarters or apartment or whatever they chose to call it. Not a fucking clue. But here you were with your suitcase, ready to move in for an indefinite time. All this had only one upside for you - shorter commute to work. 

Standing outside, you called through the intercom, and waited for Butcher to answer. Probably knowing it was you downstairs, he opened the door immediately. You really felt luck being against you lately, so it came to you as no surprise that the elevator, too, was out of order. With a heavy sigh, you braced yourself for the stupid amount of stairs ahead. 

When you made it to their door, you were absolutely out of breath. Why couldn't I have flying as my power? That would have come handy right now. No, no, no...I am a healer. Unfair. 

You knocked on the door, still trying to calm your breathing. After a moment, Butcher finally opened it. “Hello, luv! You made it!” You wanted to beat this shit-eating grin off his face. Too bad he was stronger than you. “We were about to start betting on how long it would take for you to get up here.” 

“That piece of shit elevator is out of order again.” You grunted, pulling your suitcase into the room after you. 

Setting it down in the living room, you looked around in the apartment. You saw only Butcher and Hughie around. “So? Where's that friend of yours?” The grin on Billy's face grew wider. 

“I swear to God, if that was just some joke that you two tried to play on me..” you were still out of breath, but tried to sound threatening, although, there wasn’t much you could do to him. Maybe to Hughie, yes, if he was in on the joke, but not to Butcher. 

“No, not a joke. He's real and I bet you'll get along nicely.” It seemed as if Ben had heard you, and sauntered cockily out of his room. “So, where's the new roomie...?” His smug grin only widened when he saw your dumbfounded face. You defensively took a step back. “No, Billy, hell no!” 

Butcher stepped protectively in front of you. “Relax, he's not gonna bite.” 

“Not gonna bite?! He tried to kill me less than three days ago.” You hissed as an answer, glaring at Ben, as you learnt was his name, over Billy's shoulder. 

“And now he'll promise to behave, right, Ben?” Ben rolled his eyes at you and walked into the kitchen. “Whatever.” 

You stared after him. “Why can't someone else babysit him?” 

“We have some work coming up. Listen. I know what happened between you two. He told me and right after I explained to him that there was no possible way for you to have been in Russia all this time ago. But, Y/N, you're the only one who can help me. Please.” It was really out of his character to see him beg for something. 

You stood in silence for a minute. You spineless piece of… You cursed yourself in your head. “Where’s my room?"

Waking up next morning you were glad that it was Saturday. You had the whole weekend to assess this…situation. You were the first one up and started making breakfast for everyone. Butcher was still snoring on the couch in the living room, as Hughie probably claimed the last free room to himself. You have always been more of a ‘forgive and forget’ type of person. Always seeing the best in people. Even if it took time to let go, you never were one to hold a grudge. It would have been totally understandable for you to walk out this time, too, but all you wanted was just to try to let go of what had happened with Ben a few days ago, so you tried to be nice.

You knew you two wouldn't be friends, not like with Hughie or Butcher, not that you were very close to them either, but you hoped that you could at least be civil around each other for the few weeks now that you had agreed to live with him.

In the middle of frying up some bacon, you heard a bedroom door opening, so it was either Hughie or Ben. A second later, from the corner of your eye, you saw a figure appear on the kitchen door. 

“That's what I like to see - a woman in the kitchen, right where she belongs.” Definitely not Hughie. You were about to shoot back some snarky comment, when you finally took a look at him. “Shit...” You mumbled quietly. 

Leaning on the doorway, Ben was wearing only some green floral silk robe that hung open on his shoulders. Nothing underneath it. The unexpectedness of seeing his cock the first thing in the morning hit you hard. Your mind went blank and against your will, you had to admit that you were quite literally hypnotized by him. 

“Like what you see, sweetheart?” A low chuckle rang in the distance, bringing you out of your short daydream. You blinked at him and blushed hard, realizing you had been just standing there, staring at him. Talk about morning wood. After letting out a long exhale, your focus was now fully back on bacon. “P-please put on s-some clothes?” 

He slowly walked towards you, not closing the robe. Heat started to climb up your cheeks when he stopped next to you. “You do like the view.” Ben said smugly and snatched a piece of bacon from the plate. Not even a question this time. He knew the effect he had on you. You couldn't even deny it to yourself. 

“Stop harassing the poor woman and put on some clothes.” Billy grumbled from the couch. 

“You're no fun.” Ben said to Billy before stepping in even closer to you, seizing the last of the personal space you had left and whispering. “But soon we'll be all alone and I'll tell you, sweetheart, you'll fuckin’ beg for it.” He winked and you just stared at him, mouth slightly agape. 

“Bacon's a bit burned, by the way.” Ben grinned and finally covered himself before turning around and leaving the kitchen. 

Rest of the day went luckily quietly, with you staying mostly hidden in your own room. Kimiko, Frenchie and MM came around noon, to talk through the last minute changes on the plan for their new job. 

“So, please don't kill each other. Or I mean, Ben, don’t kill her.” Hughie smiled at you and Ben, before walking out of the door, making you roll your eyes at his back. 

“And don't tear the place down, if you decide to...you know…get acquainted better. Which you probably will.” Billy said with a smirk. “If you do, you fix it up. Got it?” He continued sternly. 

“Got it.” Quick slap from Ben landed on your ass, making a shrill yelp escape from you. 

“Hey! We're not - I - he won't..!” Your brain short-circuited again, for the second time today, because of Ben. Butcher winked knowingly and then turned around to leave. “See ya!” With a wave, he was out the door.

You were now left alone with Ben, who scoffed beside you. “What's your problem?” 

“Don't even get me started.” You mumbled quietly and walked past him into the kitchen.

“I heard that!” He called after you. 

“Good!” You looked back at the doorway, and saw Ben stomping towards you. You rolled your eyes and started to make some coffee. 

“No, seriously. What's your problem?” He crossed his arms. 

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “Do you really want to know?” 

“That's why I asked.” 

You fully turned towards him and leaned on the kitchen island with one hip. “My problem is that three days ago you tried to kill me, without any explanation, you haven't even apologized and now you're acting like nothing's happened, and I'm stuck here with you because of my inability to say no. So there you go.”

“Actually, I had an explanation.” He said absentmindedly, before stepping in front of you, squinting his eyes and pointing his finger at you. “And, no, that's not your problem, but I know what it really is.” He said slowly.

You waved your arms in front of you, his cockiness started to slowly infuriate you. “Please, enlighten me.”

Ben bit his bottom lip and raised his eyebrows with a little nod. “You haven't been properly fucked for a while.” He said boldly, making you fume on the inside. “Yeah. That's it. I can see all that...frustration in you, sweetheart.” He was now grinning ear to ear, flashing his bright smile. “More than happy to help you out.” He added with a simple shrug. “You're a tad bit young for me, but I can look past it. I tend to go to women with a bit more experience.” He left you completely speechless and the grin on his face grew wider with each second you sputtered in front of him, blinking rapidly as you tried to figure out something to say.

“Ew, just stop it, okay!” You blurted out finally. “Can we just try to be normal around each other for one day, without you making some lewd suggestions about my personal life?”

Ben's eyes twinkled mischievously. “Okay.” He shrugged and then raised his finger. “I'll give you one day.” And with that he walked out of the kitchen and left you there standing, cursing the choice of words you had made.

“Fuck me..” You muttered, realizing that now Ben will probably start riling you up even more.

“What was that?” He appeared again on the kitchen door with a wicked smile on his lips, clearly hoping he had heard you correctly. You had to admit - Ben was hellishly handsome, too handsome for his own good and of course he knew that. You couldn't hold back the chuckle that escaped from your lips, seeing that little playful glint in his eyes.

“Nothing!” You called out quickly, face turning red.

Note to self - be careful when speaking to yourself. Man has super hearing.

You had to be grateful that at least Ben did keep his promise and kept to his own on Sunday.

A blood-curdling scream woke you in the middle of the night. You were certain that you had just dreamed it, because when you sat up in bed, it was all silent around you. Until you heard him again.

So this is what Butcher meant by helping him.

It now kind of made sense also, why he called you in the first place. Obviously it wasn't just to keep Ben company. You dragged yourself out of the bed and made your way to his room next to yours.

You could hear the strained screams even through the door. Not bothering with knocking, you pushed it open and entered his bedroom.

Ben was cramped up in his bed, like in a shock. His teeth were bared, grunting almost animalistically, and his breathing was rapid.

You could instantly feel your own breath getting caught in your throat and tears starting to well up in your eyes. “Ben.” You said quietly and sat down next to him on the bed.

Whatever he was experiencing right now must've been some of the most horrible things you could ever imagine.

You put one hand on his chest, trying to gently wake him up. Instead you got more nauseous every second, feeling like a knife was twisted in your guts and every inch of your skin was on fire. You were unable to control the tears streaming down your cheeks. The flashbacks you started to get were horrible. You felt every stab, cut and burn he had gotten. They made you physically want to vomit. Never before have you reacted this strongly to someone. But never before have you met someone who has experienced so much pain like Ben. You tried your hardest to keep the disturbing images from creeping up in your mind.

“Ben, wake up!” You softly stroked his head, grimacing along with him, seeing his beautiful features distorted from pain. You couldn't take it anymore. Placing both of your hands on his face, you turned him towards you. To be able to help him, you had to calm down yourself first. With what Ben went through, this was surely going to be a challenge. You closed your eyes and focused on your breathing and the feeling of his face in your arms. He still hadn't woken up, so you had to get him to calm down in his sleep.

It took a long time. It took so much more from you than it usually did. You could feel your energy drain. Ben was still cramped up, strained groans leaving his lips, but slowly you were able to ease your breathing. Tears were still flowing down your cheeks but your mind was getting clearer with each exhale, until there was nothing left. No pain. No flashbacks. You felt Ben quieting down next to you, his body slowly starting to relax. Your eyes were still closed, when you heard him waking up. You had hoped to be gone already when he would wake, but now it was too late.

“Y/N? What- where am I?” He was drowsy and confused about his surroundings. Seeing him awake, you immediately pulled your hands from his face to dry your eyes, so he wouldn't see you crying.

“It's okay, Ben. You're fine.” He rubbed his hand over his face, visibly more confused now. He turned to look at you, brows knit tightly together. “Wait, what are you doing here? What did you do to me?”

You turned away from him on the edge of the bed. “I didn't do anything. I just heard you scream and came to check on you.”

You knew he didn't believe you. You didn’t even believe yourself what you were saying.

“Don't lie to me. Who are you?” Ben sat up in bed.

“I am not lying, Ben. I didn't do anything.”

You saw that he was quickly getting annoyed, angry even. “I don't wake up from these dreams just like that. I have to…suffer through them.” Ben gritted, glaring at you. “And you are here, crying. Who are you?” He repeated himself and quickly got out of bed, pulling you up with him. “Tell me!”

“Alright, fine! Just so I can go to bed.” You yelled back. You looked down at his hand grabbing your shoulder painfully. “Let go of me, then I'll talk. Thank you.” You added in a slightly softer manner when he let go of your arm, but hesitantly waited for a second before you started talking. “I…am a supe, too, although my powers aren't as good as “The Seven” or whatever, but I am a kind of healer.” You started cautiously, being afraid of his reaction. “Like almost an empathic healer?” You added and took a glance at him. You could see he was not following you at that moment. “It means I can feel and heal people's emotional traumas. Well, I don't “heal” heal, but you know, make them less painful over time.” You were pacing around the room, not knowing what was going through his head. “That's why Butcher even called me in the first place. To come and help you.”

“Why didn't you just tell me that?” He asked, voice quieter than before.

“I don't know.” You shrugged.

Ben sat down on the bed again and you thought he wanted to go back to sleep, so you started to leave the room.

“Wait.” You heard him suddenly ask behind you. He stared after you with a questioning look in his eyes. “Why were you crying?”

You got slightly embarrassed, hoping he hadn't noticed that. “Um...Well, when I say I feel the pain, I actually tend to feel it. It comes to me almost like memories or sometimes flashbacks through the eyes of the person going through it, but..uh..I feel it all that too. Tonight was actually the first time I've cried. It was just too much today.” You stood on the door and kept your eyes down on the floor.

Feeling like you had overshared, you quickly muttered “good night” under your breath, and almost ran out of the room. You heard Ben call something after you, but you didn't stay to hear what he had to say. He didn't follow.

Now it was Monday morning and you were again making breakfast before you had to go to work. After leaving Ben's room last night, you couldn't fall asleep, so you tried to think of a few simple rules to have set up for the time you two were living together. But with Ben being as he is, you were certain he'd not welcome them warmly. So first you needed to bribe him. Just a little.

You had set everything on the table, coffee, bacon and eggs and whatever else you thought he'd like for breakfast. You sucked in a quick breath before you went to wake him up. You knocked on the door and opened it. “Hey, Ben! Wake up!’

He only lifted his head to look at the clock on the bedside table. “No.”

“Yes. We have to talk before I go to work.” You picked up some sweatpants and a t-shirt from the chair by the door and threw them on his bed. “And put some clothes on.”

When he saw that you were not leaving, Ben finally sat up in bed. It took all of your willpower not to let your eyes wander over his body, barely covered by the familiar green silk robe. “Damn it, woman. It's 7 in the morning.” He opened the drawer next to the bed and pulled out a ready rolled joint. You made no effort to hide the disgust on your face as he lit it and took a long drag on it. “Seriously?” You looked between him and the reefer between his fingers.

“What?” He shrugged, clearly it has become a part of his routine.

“It's 7am. That's really the first thing that goes into your mouth in the morning after waking up?”

Ben pulled the blunt from his lips with a smirk and took a long look at you up and down. “I mean, if I'd have you in the bed with me, this definitely wouldn't be the first thing in my mouth.”

You crossed your arms on your chest, hoping to hide the jolt of unexpected arousal that ran through your core.

“Stop that. I made breakfast.” You said sternly as you walked out of his room. “And put the clothes on!” You added over your shoulder.

You sat at the kitchen table with a notebook, writing down some basic rules you'd both have to follow. You hoped that Ben could be reasonable about these few things. It was nothing major. Just to make sure you both agreed on cleaning after yourselves and some compromises over cooking.

After a little while Ben finally joined you in the kitchen. You were focused on reading a news article on your phone, when you heard him opening and closing the cupboards looking for a cup for himself. You looked up at him, and you almost choked on air, but managed to disguise it as a simple cough. Of course Ben wasn't fully dressed. It was clearly too much to ask of him.

His bare back was turned towards you, muscles flexing as he reached for a cup. You didn't want to, but couldn't hold back on checking out the rest of his body, too. More importantly, you were quietly admiring the way his sweatpants hugged his butt. Usually you were not one to thirst over men, but something about Ben felt different. You almost had completely forgotten his attack on you, which you knew was wrong, but given what you saw that night then and now again last night, you knew that there was more to him than he let on. He had been through a lot and it wasn't his fault. You wanted to believe that not all of it at least.

You gave Ben a few minutes to wake up properly in silence. You decided that you weren't going to talk about last night if he wouldn't bring it up himself.

“So, I wanted to talk about house chores with you.”

He looked at you with a completely dead face. “You made me get out of my pajamas for this? Are you having a stroke?”

It was not easy for you to hold back laughter. “First of all - no, I'm not having a stroke.” You took too big of a bite out of your breakfast sandwich. “Secondly - you really call that silky green pornstar robe a pajama? Are you a five year old?” You started choking on your food, trying to keep a straight face asking this from him.

“I don't know. Sounds to me like you're just jealous. I can lend it to you, you know? It's very comfortable.” A genuine smile, the first one you’ve seen from him, lit up his whole face. He took his plate and got up from the table. God, he’s gorgeous. You gave yourself a mental slap and stopped that thought right there. NO, Y/N. You can’t think like that. He literally tried to kill you. It started to feel dangerous already being around him, and it was only the start of the third day. You cleared your throat before speaking.

“No, seriously though. We have to set up some basic stuff to keep the place tidy for both of us. It's not the 50s anymore. Women have jobs now, you know. I have a job, too and I will not take everything onto my shoulders.”

“Mm, yeah, not gonna happen.” Ben took his food and disappeared into his room.

“Oh, come on! Ben!” You called after him, but the only answer you received was the loud thud from the door shutting behind him. This went as well as I had expected. You sighed defeatedly and started to clean up the kitchen before heading to work.

Meeting after meeting, one deposition on top of the other, your day passed excruciatingly slow. And it was just Monday, which was already the downside to begin with.

On your way out of the office building, you pulled out your phone. On your lock screen glowed notifications of unanswered calls and a message from Ben, asking you to pick up some whiskey and drugs.

You rolled your eyes, already regretting giving him your phone number. Hughie had taught Ben how to use a smartphone. You can only imagine how that must've looked to a bystander. For a scrawny little dude, Hughie must have iron nerves to have kept up with Ben.

Before you could text him back, a call from Jessica came in and a sense of dread washed over you.

“Hi, Jessica. What can I do for you?”

“Hello, Y/N, I know you left the office for the day already, but please come see me first thing in the morning. We need to talk.”

We need to talk. That definitely didn’t ease your mind. You breathed deeply for a moment before answering to her. “Alright, I'll see you tomorrow.”

You knew what this was going to be about. They’ve decided on who to offer the Senior partner position. And judging by Jessica’s voice, it probably wasn’t going to be you. Scratch that. It definitely wasn’t going to be you.

You did a quick trip to the grocery store, picking up coffee and some things for dinner tonight. And you didn't forget Ben, and got him whiskey, although drugs were where you would draw the line. You will not be one to supply him with drugs.

Walking home from the corner store, you had some time to think. You wanted that position. You wanted to give your contribution to developing Pearson Hardman to its best. You wished to have the same kind of impact on junior associates, like Jessica had on you when you first started in the firm. You’ve given a lot to work yourself up. It didn’t feel selfish to you to think that you deserved that. But even if you wouldn’t get it, you knew it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Becoming a partner would be one of your biggest goals in professional life, but at the end of the day, you were still working to help people. And that's what matters. That’s what you tried to focus on at least.

You tried to push all the work thoughts out of your mind so you could relax just for a few hours that's left of the evening before you'd pass out on the couch. You threw together a quick dinner for both you and Ben and went straight to bed afterwards, hoping that you’d get more sleep this time.

But again, you woke up in the middle of the night, hearing his screams from the other room. It was only the second night and already you could feel it drain you more than the last night.

You stood at the door for a minute, just staring at him. How you were supposed to last two weeks or longer doing this almost every night, you had no idea, but now you knew that you couldn’t just leave him either. If it was in your power to help him, you had to at least try. No matter what he’d done. No matter what he would do. Knowing what he had gone through, it had already become impossible for you to just walk away from him. So you didn't.

For over an hour you were by his bed tonight, barely holding yourself together as you got him through the nightmare.

“I don't need your help. I'm fine,” Ben snapped at you as he woke up and rested his head against the headboard with a sigh.

“Yeah, looks like it.” You stared at him for a minute, but seeing he wouldn't even look at you, you scoffed and got up from the bed.

“Fine.” You left his room in a hurry and closed the door behind you with a loud thud.

You pulled the blanket over your head, trying to fall back asleep. After laying in bed for almost an hour, you finally managed to get some sleep, but only a short time later, your alarm pulled you out from deep sleep and you had to back down from the urge to throw your phone across the room. Exhaustedly you sat up in bed and let your legs hang over the edge.

You had all your hope put into a morning shower and a strong coffee to make you somewhat functional, but today they chose to let you down. You were still tired and distraught from Ben's dreams from the night.

You know that these dreams are tormenting him almost daily, but if he says he doesn't want help, should you even keep doing that? Should you still put yourself through all that pain? It hasn't been this bad while helping others, but with Ben, everything felt tenfold stronger. You could feel yourself being so close to breaking already.

Jessica was already in the office when you arrived, despite it being a few hours before the official start of the work day. She really is the perfect example of a self-made woman and you were definitely lucky to have her as a mentor.

You knocked on the open door of her office. “Hi, Jessica, you wanted to see me?”

“Y/N, good morning. Yes, come on in.” Jessica greeted you with a smile as you stepped in. “Close the door and take a seat, please.”

You sat down across from her. She already had the look. The same look she always gets when she has to give bad news. You knew what was coming, but still you held onto the small glimmer of hope that the outcome would be in your favor.

“I asked you to come here to tell you that the board had a meeting yesterday. All the partners voted on who will be offered the open Senior partner position.”

You took a deep breath and nervously started to play with your rings under the table out of Jessica's sight.

“I want you to know that we were thinking in favor of the firm and the decision was purely made on professional aspects. That's why we're going to move forward with Harvey. I hope you understand.”

“Right, of course. I do understand. He's..” you swallowed the lump in your throat before continuing. “Harvey is a hard worker. He's the right choice.” You smiled at her, trying to hide the disappointment in your voice.

For the rest of the day you buried yourself into work to use it as a distraction. Because that's what usually keeps you from spiraling down. Today you hoped it would keep your mind away from Ben, too.

For the whole day you had managed to keep yourself from thinking about him. You were busy. You just didn’t have time to thirst over him from that one moment you saw him without a shirt.

Or that morning in the kitchen…almost naked. But now in your quiet office? It was hard not to think of him. You swallowed hard before forcing your focus back to the papers in front of you. You were berating yourself for even giving him space in your head. You knew the guy for three days and he had tried to kill you. Literally.

But something about him still pulled you towards him. And it was much more than just sexual attraction. You weren’t going to lie to yourself - he was hot. Goddamn, he was hot and you wanted him all over you. And if keeping your dignity wouldn’t have mattered to you, you probably would’ve jumped his bed yesterday morning. But something else captivated you about him and you couldn't put a finger on it.

It was well past 9pm when you heard a startling knock on your office door. You raised your head quickly and saw Harvey at the door.

“Hey, you're still here this late?” He asked curiously, leaning on the doorframe. Letting out a deep sigh you started to gather together all the papers scattered around on the table.

“Just finished. It's not that late, is it? Time just flies when you're having fun. You of all people should know it.” Tired smile on your face betrayed how you were feeling on the inside. You cleared your throat. “I saw Jessica this morning. I guess congratulations are in order.” You stood up from the desk and reached out your hand to him.

The air in the room was dense from the tension between you and Harvey. “You don't have to do that.” He gave you a little, sad smile.

“Do what?” You lowered your hand back down after seeing him not reach out to it.

“You don't have to pretend that you're happy for me, Y/N. I know you wanted that spot, too.”

For a moment the room fell silent, the only sound in the office was quiet shuffling as you packed up your bag to leave. “I'm not.” You zipped up your bag and threw it over your shoulder. “I'm not pretending, I mean. I am happy for you.” You quickly followed up before he'd get the wrong idea. “They did what they think is best for the company, and you deserve it, so of course I’m happy for you.” You smiled genuinely as you walked past Harvey into the hallway.

“Thanks.” He still sounded hesitant, but from you there were no hidden meanings behind your words. You really were happy for him. He is a good friend of yours and has been for a long time. That didn’t mean that you weren’t just a little jealous of him.

Cool night air hit you as soon as you stepped out of the building. You were tired, but you didn’t want to go home yet.

You started to walk, completely unsure of where you’d end up. Mindlessly you wandered around on the streets, witnessing the start of the night life in front of your eyes, despite it being Tuesday.

One underground bar caught your attention, and you decidedly walked towards it to check it out. You weren't planning to stay longer than for a drink. Working with a hangover was hell on earth, so one time was enough for you. You had definitely learned from your mistakes and were not excited to repeat them.

From the looks of the groups of people lingering outside of the bar, you expected it to be crowded to the roof, but you were pleasantly surprised that there were not that many people in there, and you even had the option to choose seating for yourself. It’s still early, you thought as you picked out a table in the far back corner.

You sat down right beside the wall, facing away from the rest of the room, leaving an empty seat between the table and wall.

You sat there for a minute, massaging your temples to get rid of the headache that slowly started to build. You hadn't slept well for the past few nights and it started to get to you.

After getting your drink, you sat back down and raised the glass to your lips, when you heard a voice behind you, the same one you were trying to run away from right now.

“Didn't think I'd find you in a hole like this.”

Fuck. Now I'm imagining things, too. You downed the drink in one go. You had planned on sipping on it slowly, savoring it. You winced as the whiskey burned your throat going down. There were heavy footsteps approaching and then he sat down across from you.

“What are you doing here?” You sighed tiredly.

Ben flagged down the bartender. “What does it look like, sweetheart? I'm getting a drink."

“Why here? Were you following me?” You asked him straight up.

Ben scoffed. “Hah, don't flatter yourself. I like this bar.”

“Really?” You didn't hide the disbelief from your voice. You had a feeling that he wasn't telling quite the truth. “What's the name of it?”

You saw from his expression that he was racking his brains to come up with some name. “Little…Sal’s?” A grin broke out on his face. “What?”

You grimaced at his stupid answer. “No, Ben, it's not...that. Why were you following me?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don't even know. I tried to call, but you didn't answer.”

“Well, that should've been your first clue that I didn't want to talk.”

“And you didn't come home either.”

“Should’ve taken that as a second clue. Don't tell me you actually started to worry about me?” You winked at him teasingly.

“Well, it's not safe for a woman like you to be out alone at this hour.”

“A woman like me?”

“Yeah. In my experience, beautiful women like you tend to meet troublesome men, who then try to take advantage of them.” He smiled at you amusingly.

“Oh, is that so? And you thought, what, that you'd come and save a damsel in distress?” You got up to leave. “I can take care of myself.”

“Y/N, please. Stay for a drink.”

“Already had a drink.” You answered him curtly.

“Well, humor me. I can see there's something bothering you.” He ordered new drinks, one for you, too and it would've been impolite to not accept it. That's how you tried to convince yourself, even though you were pretty sure he would've just drank it himself, if you would've declined.

He pushed a glass towards you as you sat back down. “As an apology.” You laughed wryly at his gesture. “I would actually like a real apology as an apology.” You then squared your shoulders and looked directly at him.

You could see him tense up, as if saying three little words would somehow now break him. You didn't want to let him see how intimidating he actually was to you. You had already seen what he had been through, but at the same time you were well aware of the atrocities he was accused of and what he was actually capable of doing. In every sense possible, Ben was a dangerous man. And now you were calling him out to apologize to you, knowing very well that if anything sets him off the wrong way, he could blow up the bar and half of the block with it. Your heart was almost jumping out of your throat when the two of you kept staring at each other in silence.

You saw his jaw slack. “Fine.” He gritted through his teeth. “I'm sorry."

After practically pulling these words out of him, you decided you were not going to accept them this easily. “For what exactly?” Your head was turned to the side as you squinted at him quizzically.

“Oh, come on! Really? I said I was sorry!” He fell back in his chair.

“Yes, really! I'm not going to accept some half-assed apology after I had to drag it out from you!”

Ben leaned in on the chair and took one of your hands into his. He probably heard how hard your heart was beating at his move, given that little smirk on his lips which disappeared quickly.

You wanted to believe. For the sake of your own heart, you wanted to believe that Ben was actually a good man, because you started to get scared of where you were heading with your scaringly, stupidly fast developing feelings. You hadn't even had a proper conversation before other than the one you just had.

“I really am sorry for assaulting you. I... I was completely out of my head and…I think high, too” He seemed to be genuinely sorry. “...and unfortunately you got caught in the way.” He squeezed your hand assuringly.

You bit your cheek and you were torn. Your mind was screaming ‘run and don't look back’, but in your heart there was a gaping loneliness. And that loneliness spoke louder. ‘Just give in. Give in to what you want and tell it to him. You just might have a chance of happiness.’

“You know, I can not tell you to trust me. Not after what I did. I can't make you believe that I've changed. That has to be your own judgment call. And I know I haven't really given you much to look for the positive in me and for that, I am sorry, too.”

You didn't know what to answer him. It was like he was reading your mind. He let go of your hand and raised both glasses. You took one from him, silently accepting the apology. You both finished your drinks in silence, before Ben started to talk again.

“So...Who pissed in your Cheerios?” He leaned forward on the table.

“What do you mean? Other than wanting you to apologize to me, I'm fine.” You tried to brush it off.

“Well, don't get me wrong, doll, but you don't exactly look the type to go to bars on Tuesday evenings. Alone. Yet here you are.”

You downed the last sip and raised a finger to stop Ben from ordering more. You winced a bit, still not getting quite used to the burn. “None for me, thanks.”

“Well, suit yourself.” And he ordered himself a new one. You were debating in your head on how much you really wanted to let him in.

“Will you tell me? Or will we just consider this night to be over?” He asked again.

“It’s just some work stuff.” You said then quietly.

“What about it?” He seemed to really want to know. You didn't understand him at all anymore. On Saturday he didn't even apologize to you for his attack and then made some vile comments that totally had started to mess with your head, and now he is showing interest in your work.

“Why do you care? Why are you so nice to me all of sudden?” You snapped, maybe a little too harshly even, but it was hard for you to keep it in. Ben raised his hands up. “Relax, okay? It's not that I've started to ‘care’. I just..” he scratched his beard, trying to find the words.

“You just what, Ben? You are honestly giving me fucking whiplash with how you have acted after…after that night.” You finished with a shaky voice and crossed your arms on your chest, but you weren't quiet for long. “Not to mention all that crap in the kitchen. And now you are here, let me rephrase it- you followed me here,” you corrected yourself. “And you are asking now ‘who pissed in your Cheerios?’” you made your voice low, comically imitating his. “Well, I guess you did, Ben. So why are you really here?”

“I..” he took a deep breath in. “I'm just trying to be nicer, okay? You don't...” he rubbed his palm over his eyes and beard, as you continued staring at him frowningly. “You have no idea what these last two nights have done to me.” Ben said quietly, voice heavy with what was for him a new, unfamiliar feeling of genuine gratitude. “After you've left, I've been able to fall back asleep, without those nightmares and…it's clear to me that you have not.”

You weren't going to lie to him that it was nothing. Because it was not. You had never expected to be so affected by him. By his pain. And you really were tired. You stared at your hands on the table noticing how you’ve unknowingly started to pick on your nail polish, seeing it chipped on the edges. Maybe you chose wrong, but it was either him or you. “That's why I came in the first place. To help you, Ben. That's what I do.”

“But that's the thing. You help me, but that shouldn't come from your account. And don't get me wrong, I've been needing good sleep for quite some time, because after that..” he left a little pause. “...chamber, all that there's been for me, are just those nightmares, but you don't deserve to go through that for me.”

“How else would I be able to help you then? You didn’t deserve it either.”

“What do you know of what I deserve?” An insincere smile creeped on his lips. “And why should you even help me? You don't know what I've done. Or what I'm capable of doing.” Ben hinted, leaning towards you over the table. You weren't sure if it was one of his scare tactics, but you refused to back down.

"Because of what you just said to me! You told me you've changed. And I've seen what they did to you. I'm not believing for a second that it was all justified.” You reached over the table for his hand. You knew how naive you must’ve sounded. “Deep down you know yourself that you're not a bad person. If you were, if you didn't just care about anyone, you wouldn't have come looking for me. And I should help you, just because I can.” You weren't really sure whether you tried to convince him or yourself.

He pulled away his hand and quickly stood up. “Don't give me that crap!” Suddenly agitated again, he stomped out of the bar. With a heavy sigh you pulled out a few bills for the tab and followed him out.

You didn't see him outside the bar and had no idea if he went home or not, but that's where you were headed.

It was only just a little after midnight when you got home, but Ben was nowhere to be seen. At least I'll be able to sleep peacefully tonight. You thought spitefully and regretted it immediately.

Karma's a bitch indeed. You thought while laying sleepless in your bed, contemplating everything that had happened in the past week.

First of all - the night you first met Soldier Boy. That’s who he was then, before you got to know him. Before he became “Ben” to you. You’ve just seen some glimpses of his past, that’s all. But now he still has claimed a special spot in your mind, even after what he did.

You really didn’t know him at all before all this happened. Just what you’ve seen being published by Vought to the masses. And you always knew to take their words with a grain of salt.

Secondly, you weren’t sure whether to believe his own words either. He was so sure that he did not deserve your help from his night terrors. And you didn’t even know why, but for some reason that crushed you. Maybe you had just fallen for his charm, without a second thought, but his certainty of being so sure of that had to come from somewhere. Somewhere much deeper and you hoped to have a chance to find it out.

But what came as the biggest realization, was what you finally understood about yourself. You had been alone since childhood, only found your friends when you were in college, and the closest who had stayed even after graduating was Harvey. Only now you were mostly just coworkers to each other.

Being alone had made your skin thick, and you learnt to suppress your emotions well. That was the reason why you were so good at your job- you just couldn’t allow yourself to get too emotionally attached to the cases, because you have had the first hand view of good attorneys making grave mistakes, when they’ve gotten influenced by the cases or clients. And now, after years of shutting down your feelings, you know why helping Ben was so important for you. Even his pain made you feel something, and you were more than glad to find out that your heart hadn’t turned completely into stone yet.

You decided there was no point for you to just lay there in bed, so you thought you'd get up and just go to work early. At least that would make you feel useful. Sitting in the kitchen, drinking your coffee you felt eerily weird knowing that you were alone again. You hadn't heard Ben come home during the night and when you woke up, stopping at his door, you didn’t hear his snoring too.

For the whole day you had a gnawing feeling inside. The conversation you and Ben had felt far from finished when he left the bar last night. You weren't sure if he's going to be home in the evening too. Home. You let out a short chuckle staring at your computer screen. It felt funny to think of it as home. You had been there less than a week. This wasn't your home. Not really. But somehow you already got attached to the place, or rather your roommate and you weren't sure how to feel about it.

Few hours later you felt your eyes growing tired and everything started to get hazy. You had been staring at the computer screen far too long and when you were satisfied with what you got done today so after getting the final case files revised, you counted the work day ended.

Standing in front of the apartment building you were once again cursing its existence. Getting down the stairs was easy, but after work climbing up them was the worst imaginable thing for you. Sure, it was good for your health. Cardio and whatnot. You never have time to go to the gym anyway. You just couldn't wait to get used to them. Until then you had no shame in taking off your heels and taking the stairs in stockings. The feeling you got was indescribable, making you let out a sigh of relief.

You fumbled with your keys to open the door, only to discover that Ben had it chained up from the inside. “Oh, come on, Ben! Open the door!” You called in from the cracked door, before closing it. But he didn't came to the door and it felt like it was straight out of some comedy - you, locked out of the apartment, without shoes like some crazy person and of course, of course, in that moment the neighbors happened to come out of their apartment as you were pounding on the door for Ben to let you in. “Open up! Oh- sorry!” You smiled at them apologetically and stepped out of their way to let them past you.

“Alright, alright, stop with the banging! I'm coming.” You heard his muffled grumpy voice through the door.

“Finally…” you mumbled to yourself.

When Ben opened the door you just glared at him for a second. “Why do you, of all people, need to chain the door from the inside?” You pushed past him into the room.

A barely hearable “oh” was all that left your lips when your eyes stopped on the bottle of lotion and a tissue box on the living room table. Suddenly you felt very grateful for him locking up the door.

“So this is what you do when I'm at work? Must be..” you made your eyes exaggeratingly big, even though he didn't see it. “..exciting.”

“It was, yes.” He was already in the kitchen, pouring himself a drink. “Would have been even more so, if I would've been able to finish just now.” He came back to the room, a big smile on his lips and handed you a glass as well and waved at the couch. “Sit.”

You frowned, looking down at the couch too. “Do I want to?”

“Don't be such a prude.”

You rolled your eyes at him and took a seat. “I'm not a prude.” You mumbled quietly into the glass as you started to drink.

You tried to relax next to him, but in his presence you now felt an awkward silence fall between you and Ben.

Anxiety started to slowly rise in your chest thinking about the conversation ahead of you.

“So, Ben. Did you want to talk or were you just waiting for me to spend some quality time together?”

“Yeah, I was just waiting for you,” he answered. “Because you are such a joy to be around.”

Rolling your eyes, you swirled the amber gold liquid in your glass, and shifted in your seat to turn more towards Ben. “Shoot.”

“You know, you don't have to do this, right?”

Here we go again. About how he doesn't deserve my help. You sighed, waiting for him to continue.

“I'm serious. You can just leave. You should've left after the first night. Why are you putting yourself through this?”

“Because I want to help you."

Ben laughed at your words. “Now you want to help me? You didn't seem so keen on doing that when you first saw me.”

“Well, excuse me! I'd like to think my first reaction seeing you was totally justified, considering that you literally tried to kill me a few nights prior.”

“So what changed? Why are you torturing yourself with me?”

“You wouldn't understand. I–” you clamped up and finished your drink instead.

He snorted beside you. “Try me. I'm smarter than I look.” But without another word you got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to grab the whiskey bottle.

“It's just…” you looked at him quickly as you topped up your glass. His eyes were focused on you, indicating he was actually interested in hearing what you had to share.

“It's just that for most of my life I have been alone. Of course I only found that out later, but I was supposedly one of the first babies who got some new experimental version of the Compound V. They found me in some orphanage, where I was quite literally dumped at, so probably they thought ‘perfect, no one will miss her, let's fuck her up’.”

You emptied half of your glass. You even surprised yourself with how easily your story flowed out of you. This is the first time you ever talked about it. Something about him just made you feel safe enough to finally do it.

“I was kept in for a few years, for all kinds of tests and stuff, but when they thought that the V didn't work on me, I was once again thrown onto the streets. Hadn't one of the workers saved me, I probably wouldn't have seen double digits even.”

Thinking back to your childhood, you started to feel your eyes watering. Feeling silly about crying at that, you chuckled, before taking in another sip.

“Sounds like a happy ending, right? Well for me it was out of the frying pan, straight into the fire. For a little while everything was good. Then one day it started to seem like even just me waking up in the morning was an immediate day ruined for my mom. Being belittled and scolded by her became a daily occurrence for me. And if I dared to make a sound then I'd get the belt. “A failure” she used to call me. And that's just what I was. A failed fucking science experiment.”

You sniffled, sipping the whiskey and relishing in the burn it left in your throat, taking the attention from the pain that suddenly filled your heart. “But I pushed through it all. Until she died, when I was in senior year in high school.”

You tried to laugh through the tears. “I get a feeling you didn't ask for my whole life story, but that's what you're getting now.” You exhaled slowly and cleared your throat before continuing. “Well, even when she wasn't that nice or caring towards me when she was raising me, it was still just me and her. And apparently she cared a lot more than just a little, since after her death I found out she left me her apartment and an inheritance big enough to help me start college and gave me a little more time to find a job. And for that I have to be grateful, because I wouldn’t be here without her.”

“When did your powers show?” Ben finally asked. You were almost certain he had fallen asleep, but no, he was still listening. You dried your tears with the sleeve of your shirt.

“Jesus, woman, take a tissue.” Ben awkwardly offered you the tissue box from the table and your eyes went big seeing his gesture, but smiled at him, pulling a few out of the box.

“Uhh...thanks..It was in college. Sophomore year I think. Don't really remember how they started then. And I never told anyone, not even Harvey, who was my best friend then. Now it feels like we only speak to each other, because we work together.” You were feeling a little lighter to be able to get this off your mind. “Anyways, you wanted to know why I want to help you?”

You smiled at Ben, and saw his eyes softening just a little, but he was still clearly uncomfortable by your crying. “Yeah.” It was weird having him being so nice with you.

“Well, growing up like I did, I learned to close up all my emotions. With the job I have, I can't allow myself to make errors because I've gotten too attached to a client or a case. That's against not only my personal morals, but also the company's ethics, because in the end it would only end up with me screwing up my work. I can't afford that. How is it all connected to you? Well…” you looked directly at him. “This sounds so horrible, but even just feeling your pain makes me glad that everything I've gone through hasn't turned me into a senseless zombie yet. At least the pain is something.” You laughed humorlessly, feeling glad to see your little breakdown passing.

He remained quiet, visibly in thought and you couldn't even take a guess what was going on in his head.

For a while both of you drank in silence. Of course Ben did most of the job with emptying the bottle, you couldn't possibly outdrink him, but you didn't fall far behind and you knew already that you were fucked at tomorrow’s meeting. Figuratively. Sadly.

You had to give him some credit. He definitely wasn't wrong when he accused your moodiness with being too long without getting laid. The question was now if his offer to help you was still standing, but you didn't want to seem too desperate by just asking him to fuck you. Trying to get your mind off him, you decided to grab a new bottle from the fridge and ditched your glass, drinking it directly from the bottle. Ben seemed a little surprised for a second but accepted the bottle when you offered it to him.

“What is this shit?” He grimaced after taking a big sip from the bottle, and looked at the label, furrowing his brows. “Honey Whiskey.” You held back your laugh, seeing his face and added innocently, without revealing that this is what you usually drink. You just can't help it, you like your alcohol sweet. “They didn't have anything else.” He only rolled his eyes at you, and made a little face before drinking again.

“So what about you, Ben?” You asked as your eyes relaxed on Ben's lips, coming off the bottle with a drop of whiskey on them. His tongue quickly darted out to lick it up, but it seemed to happen in slow-motion and you desperately wished you could've been brave enough to do it yourself. To taste the sweetness on his lips. Instead you wet your own drying lips from the sight of him, before he looked at you. He caught you staring and his green eyes held you locked with a burning gaze for a minute. Coughing awkwardly, you quickly turned your eyes down from him.

“What about me?” He finally asked, scoffing at seeing you shy away.

“Why are you so convinced that you are so undeserving of my help?”

“Well, didn't you hear? I was a fucking menace to my team.” He chuckled darkly and handed the bottle over to you. “Apparently so much that they saw the need to get rid of me. Well, fuck them..” he laughed slowly. “They all got what they deserved.”

You didn't have to think twice about what he was implying, but you were wondering whether to raise the topic of why tried to kill you. You decided to not bring it up. He did say he was high then.

“And you think that this is the reason why you're not worth my help?"

“No, I-I just am not..” he grabbed the bottle from your hands. “I've done a lot of batshit crazy stuff in the past. Being honest now, not even half the crap that Vought has pinned on me, but that doesn't make it any better, does it?”

“Well, tell me one thing, Ben.” You scooted across the couch a little bit closer to him. “You told me yesterday you're a "changed man". If you had the chance, would you do it again? All that payback on Payback?”

“What are you now? My shrink?” He looked down on you, almost condescendingly, and sitting next to him made you feel so small. You couldn't push away the thoughts of asking him to have his way with you. You blamed it on the alcohol. It didn't help you relax at all, it only managed to make you horny.

“No, not that..” you said slowly, trying to get your mind out of the gutter, but with no effect. “Just trying to make up my mind on you, I guess.”

“What's the point of speculating on that then? If I say yes, would that change your current opinion on me?”

You looked up at him. “As you said yesterday, you're leaving it up to me to make my mind up on you. So, probably no, it wouldn't change it. I still think you didn't deserve what happened to you and I'd want to help you.”

You took the bottle from him to finish it off. “But you know, if you're fine with the nightmares, you can always lock your bedroom door. Message received loud and clear. Your decision, that's all.” You simply shrugged and got up from the couch.

“I'm off to bed.” You decided to end the night right there, before you did anything you'd probably come to regret in the morning. “Good night, Ben.”

“Night.” He mumbled under his breath and you heard him crush a pill with a glass, followed by a snort.

After your quick night routine, you got into your comfy shorts and top for sleep and tied your hair into a bun. Laying down in bed you rolled from side to side, unable to find a comfortable position. For over an hour you tried to fall asleep, getting more and more annoyed by the familiar ache for release keeping you from it. You had to do something for it and you hoped to God that Ben wouldn't hear you.

You reached for the drawer on your left and pulled out your good old reliable vibrator. You were damn glad that you decided to pack it up. It was nothing fancy, but in the last desperation, it got its job done well. It had been quite a while since you've used it and you were hoping it would not fail you now.

You quickly discarded your pants, threw them over the edge onto the floor. Your fingers slipped easily through the slick that had drenched your underwear. He didn't even do anything to me. How the fuck am I so wet already?

Your mind was racing when you started to slowly rub your clit. You quickly fell into a familiar rhythm with your fingers, despite it being a long time since you've last masturbated. Pleasuring yourself for a while, you felt the tension starting to build deep in your core, but the release seemed still miles away. It had been too fucking long for you and even now you knew you couldn't get yourself off with just your fingers. You needed more.

You grabbed the vibrator from the bed and slid it up against your clit before turning it on the slowest speed. Your hips bucked involuntarily when the low hum filled the room. The sweet tingling sensation against your bud quickly became almost overbearing.

You were just about to slide it in, when a knock on your door brought you out of your growing bliss.

“Sugar, if you're only relying on that plastic stick to get you off, then I'm honestly not surprised you're so pent up.” Your pussy quivered involuntarily when you heard his low rumble from the other side of the door.

You sat up in bed, trying to slow your breathing. “Leave me alone!” You couldn't bring yourself to tell him to take the toy’s place, that was still turned on in your hands, even though that's what you were imagining.

“Oh, no, sweetheart, I'm coming in.” You saw the door open.

“Ben! What the fuck? No!” You yelled at him as you tried to cover yourself in a hurry, but with no luck because before you got under the covers, Ben's large frame was already in your doorway.

To Be Continued »»» Part 2

Taglist: @jackles010378 @nescavaneck @cevansbaby-dove @deanwinchestersgirl87 @winchesterwild78 @anundyingfidelity @suckitands33 @waynes-multiverse

Thank you for reading! Feedback is appreciated!🤍

[volatile95]

Fulfilled promises

You can use @marshalllir idea if you specify her authorship. Thank you.

Caz, who wasn't loved by the boss, never went down to the sea, worked as a electrician, was also in love with an old family friend and godfather of his daughters, Roy.

Dismissal is like a storm for Caz without warning. And he never had time to admit his sympathy for Roy. Somehow, there was no suitable occasion— The police, letters from his wife, ex-wife, or problems with custody of children constantly interfered.

But everything goes awry even more, as if one twist of fate wasn't enough.

Caz survives thanks to their miracle swimmers, Brodie and Douglas.

All around, human screams, the roar of the station, the noise of wind and waves - everything forms a painful mess of sounds. Caz is scared like it has never been before.

Having reached Roy, Caz finally feels calm and safe in the barricaded kitchen combined with a pantry.

During a trip to the boats, Caz finds insulin in a medical kit. Therefore, he returns soaked to the skin, with new abrasions and with new gray hair on his temples after meeting with former colleagues, but happy as a thousand devils.

Caz is almost falling off his feet from fatigue at the tiny stove, gobbling up the stocks of ready-made food of his favorite cook for both cheeks, starving on nerves. Roy laughs at him warmly, like in the good old days, before all the shit, hugs him from behind, at least trying to keep the warmth between them.

That should be enough for a while.

So Caz promises to return for Roy and climbs out of a safe place to clear the way since "the shape" is afraid of fire.

When Caz returns, he takes Roy to the roof, where it is safest, leaves him a bunch of insulin, and gathers for a final push.

Roy asks Caz to promise to come back for him, to survive, because Suze is waiting for them. Caz cuts off this argument. No one has been waiting for him at home for a long time. At the moment, Caz confesses his feelings and asks Roy to promise to survive.

There are four of them left, Caz almost dies again, but he seems to be kept alive by a promise made to Roy.

Caz takes Roy off the roof, thinking for a moment in the uneven light that he is dead, but he only fell asleep, floating in hallucinations. Roy is as fine as possible.

At the same time, Finlay is going crazy with grief, and Brodie is dying right over the phone line. Finlay is pinned down by the wreckage of the bridge, and Caz takes the lighter from her cold hands.

The only one Caz has left is Roy. Caz has a kaleidoscope of questions in his head about what they should do next, to which there are no answers. This state of loneliness among the decisions made, guilt, and responsibility is interrupted by Roy's desperate, bitter kiss.

We ask for maximum hurt/comfort for the two of them, in contrast to the canonical cruelty.

In Russian, the idea can be found on the ficbook

We approve of any ending. You can make a tragic ending where Roy and Caz sacrifice themselves by burning this place to the ground. You can leave the ending open by stopping the narrative at any point. You can make a happy ending, where either the military and help arrive for them, or make a timeskip when everything is already fine with them, only ptsd and nightmares haunt them, but they cope with this together, supporting each other.

[lutorao]

Lawlu and Pain

I don't think people really realizes how terrible luffy's childhood was , just because he was only smiling it doesn't mean it wasn't painful . Luffy was so afraid of being alone that at the age of 7 he was ready to die for Ace's and Sabo's sake

“Being lonely is more painful then getting hurt.”

I hate when someone says that luffy is silly , he isn't silly or something , because he is joyful and carefree doesn't makes him silly or naive , his battle IQ is really high right?

Most of the main characters of shonen anime have their own mentor, teacher, but not Luffy

He didn't know his own father, he didn't know what his grandfather was doing. Why was he a hero? He didn't know his mother, his only family was Sabo and Ace, and when he lost Ace, he thought Sabo was already dead.

Ace - who was one of the craziest and A restless child with a lot of issues

Sabo- who was from the "royal" family but escaped from his family, had problems with them, then this child risks his life for freedom and "dies" ( luffy and Ace believed that Sabo was dead )

in front of you is a boy who grew up with bandits, thieves and pirates, who never left his village, who needed freedom as much as air, and yes, he is very fond of Adventure. And he craves adventures, so I think , his often reckless actions are caused by this

What I noticed about Luffy is that he has an attachment to people, that's exactly what was with Ace and Zoro. because Zoro was the first person who became part of his crew and shared all his emotions (they have spacial place in my heart) But also he never calls anyone else his brother, he refers to everyone as a friend or crew member.

I don't know how but he has special instincts when it comes to choosing people he doesn't choose crew members because they are strong he chooses them because he saw how kind they were and also I think Luffy notices things in people that no one else would. I think that's why he chose Law, even though his whole crew was against, Luffy just told them that Law was a very good person and that's it.

Luffy loses his crew, learns about his own brother, goes to prison to free Ace, however, he is poisoned and loses 10 years of his life to save his own brother and goes to war where the chance of survival is almost zero. and Ace dies in his arms, and his body shuts down to protect him from the shock, and here we meet Law, I can't even put into words how huge and important things he did for Luffy .

(look at his smile I love him sm)

Rushing into the middle of a war and saving someone you barely know is not an easy thing, especially since we all know at what cost Luffy repays the debt.

law knows exactly how it feels to lose someone not only loose but someone sacrificed himself just for your life , as Cora did for law before, they didn't ask for it, but Ace and Cora sacrificed themselves for them, yes law lost his parents before and it was hurt but they were killed they didn't sacrifice themselves but Cora did , that's why this was way more hurt for him

And yes, Law knows very well how it feels when someone you respect, someone you adore dies in front of you, sacrificing himself to save your life.

And yes, he decided to save someone's life and take care of someone who might one day be his enemy, but the flame inside that person is going to turn the world upside down and he wants to be a part of it.

( Just thinking about how Law took care of Luffy for two weeks warms my heart, I want to see him treat luffy's wounds and take care of him )

sometimes I want them to talk about their pain and share it with each other

Luffy's psychological portrait changed radically, only 1.5 years of training with Rayleigh made him grow both personally and in strength and of course because Ace death , he became overprotective

After all this, I think that Luffy developed a phobia

This phobia of losing someone you love is called thanatophobia

the fear of losing someone you love is really deep inside luffy and yes inside law as well

And of course, when he meets Law again, two years later, at Punk Hazard, he is ready to do everything for him, in his emotions, voice, manner of speaking, actions, in his attitude towards Law, it can be felt in everything to show that now he is by his side, this time he saves him

As soon as they reached Dressrosa, laws plan was immediately thwarted and Doffy decided to kill him , And again that fear to lose someone who is your saviour "no not again "

"finally I found you, from now on I'll protect you"

Fear Again

we all know he didn't mean that , he was afraid someone could sacrificed himself for him AGAIN , that's why he left his crew aside and decided to do everything alone , but sweetie luffy is more stubborn than you could imagine :xDDD so stfu

then luffy carries him like a doll? yes

carries even his sword ? of course

is law against ? no

my fav moment is when Luffy was fighting on Dressrosa, Law was just waiting for him to come and Luffy would pick him up again and take him away.

(they are cutest)

and Yes this fear again

you can feel it in luffy's voice

and yes law did everything what he could but it wasn't enough to defeat doffy so he left everything to luffy , and yes. he was ready to die along with him because he didn't want to someone sacrificed himself because of him AGAIN so he prefers to die along with him than live without him

In the end, what I'm trying to say is that the loss of loved ones made these two people afraid that they might lose important people and those they love, in the case of Law , this is manifested in the fact that he does not want anyone to sacrifice himself for him and anything too much to do, Luffy's case adds to the sacrifice even if he doesn't prove to be strong enough to protect everyone he loves, both characters had the same type of story in that they lost someone they loved because that person gave up their own life to save them.

(stfu law u can't )

[purpleshadow-star]

***Spoilers for Seraph of the End manga chapter 131***

I just wanna talk about Mika and Yuu's changes in demeanor in this chapter. This page, in particular, was actually really sad to me.

Mika, while going along with Yuu's plans and ideas, was never really enthusiastic or optimistic about their chances of turning him back into a human. He was never super invested in saving his own life, but now that it's Yuu's life, he's suddenly super motivated. It's sad to me because it really emphasizes Mika's disregard for his own life. He didn't care as much about saving himself, but it's clear that he's about to pour all of himself and then some into keeping Yuu safe. It makes a depressing kind of sense. He's always been like this. Even as a kid, he gave up his body and blood to a vampire in order to provide for his family. He gave his life to distract Ferid to ensure that at least Yuu made it out alive. He then spent the next four years starving himself in order to keep as much of his humanity as possible and searching for Yuu. Once he found him, it was his single-minded mission to take Yuu away from the people who might be hurting him and to keep him safe. Mika has always held other people's lives, especially Yuu's, far above his own, and this chapter made this even more apparent.

Honestly, Yuu is the same way. He is 100% willing to sacrifice himself for the people he loves. Mika knows this, which is why he wanted Yuu to promise not to do exactly that. But notice, Yuu managed to avoid actually making the promise. Mika kept asking, but Yuu kept changing the subject.

I hope that doesn't come back to bite us later...

As for Yuu's change in demeanor, it is also very telling. While Mika seems upbeat and motivated now that he can focus on keeping Yuu safe, Yuu seems more subdued and much less enthusiastic about it. Yuu was putting all of himself into trying to save Mika, but now that he's the one who needs to stay safe, he doesn't seem as driven. Yuu and Mika have literally swapped places. They are both ready to give their all to protect each other while at the same time being reluctant to give anywhere near that same amount of energy when it comes to helping themselves.

[rosescries]

Excuse me while I scream a bit about The Rehabilitation of Death by @bamsara for a bit, about something I think I picked up but haven't been able to put into words. Some of it they've clearly talked about before, and the rest I may be completely wrong about.

Maybe this is some of my interpretation of the Lamb and Narinder, but Bam's influenced a lot of that for me when they dragged me kicking and screaming into this fandom, but shh!

They've talked about love between Narinder and Lamb before. Their devotion to and respect for each other, and just how much they care for each other. I think Trod Bad End says a lot about that. With how Narinder is ready to burn the world down just to bring the Lamb back, and I'm sure the Lamb shares some of, if not all, the same feelings.

But their love has claws and teeth, I think it hurts them just as much as it uplifts them. It's blooded and a gaping wound, aching and there's nothing they can really do about it. Not that they'd probably be willing to do anything about it. And I think some of that hurt is just caused by their grief.

Narinder's already been betrayed by his siblings, siblings which he did love. Dearly, in fact, and still does no matter how much he denies it and how angry he is. He would've killed them, if not for the Lamb, but he's still keeping them. Hurting them, but they're in his reach. He's not letting them go, keeping them close and alive in some way. I don't think he could kill them for real, or would be happy if he did. They loved him too, I'm sure. As proven by Shamura sending him gifts and the offerings left on his alter. There is love lost here, whether Narinder or any of the Bishops are willing to admit it or not.

He loves the Lamb just as much, which is why the betrayal hurt so much. I think he's lashing out at the Lamb just like he did with his siblings. A fresh wound left to fester ripped open all over again. It hurts, and makes it seem like everyone in his life is eventually going to turn around and stab him in the back. He lost his family, and it seems like he's loosing the one he loves too. Even if it's not true, that's probably how it seems.

And the Lamb is the last of their kind. There's no one else like them anymore, their loved ones are gone. They lost their family, and isn't even really able to grieve them before they're sent on this mission to kill their tormentors. But that does give them an outlet, something to quell the rage for a little bit at least. And a bit motivator after a while. Along with a new family.

The Lamb loves Narinder, there's no real question about that. But their love asks them to kneel and sacrifice themselves to him, and they can't. They can't do that. They don't know what Narinder had planned for them, they couldn't have known. But the person they love is asking for something the Lamb just can't give him. They love him, but this isn't something they can bend on.

I'm running out of words and I don't know how to put my thoughts on Lambert down. But I think they parallel Narinder in a certain way, and grief is some kind of motivator for both of them. I hope I made some kind of sense here, and may just be reiterating something that is glaringly clear or talking out of my ass.

Anyway, if you haven't read Trod, go read it right now. It's really good.

[lagoonalake]

Can you do zerobaseone ideal type to

ZEROBASEONE IDEAL TYPE

!!No reading for the maknae because he is still a minor!!

HANBIN

Personality: 9 of cups, temperance, the wheel of fortune

Very chill, light-hearted energy. I don’t hink he has a specific type that he is attracted to, he just wants something that feels good, that is relaxed, comfortable, where there is a feeling of calm, serenity, balance. But his type is still evolving and changing quite a lot. It’s like he’s discovering with each new experience his love style. It’s not codependent, it’s very light, very zen and about sharing and enjoying pleasures together. He’s also rather open to different types of people, different types of experiences in love.  sagittarius, pisces, jupiter, libra, aquarius

Appearance: king of wands, the hanged man, queen of swords

Rather proud looking haughty people, with have a certain class and prestige, could be attracted to a high status. Sophistication. I would say he’s easily impressed by beauty. More lavish, a bit extravagant trendy style, a lot of accessories, colors, make up. People who have an ethereal sort of beauty, a bit otherworldy, sleepy eyes, he likes the artistic idol look, with crazy hair colors, eye contact, the AI look. Rather tall and slender, long limbs.  leo, aquarius, pisces

Turn offs: the hermit, 9 of swords, the fool

People who are shy, who don’t open up, who never talk, people who are awkward, anxious, pessimistic. Party poopers, people who are too serious, who cannot enjoy the present moment. Either too mature or too childish and naive. People outside of his immediate environment. Overly “deep” and complicated people, he prefers someone more simple and light hearted.  negative cancer, capricorn, virgo, scorpio

JIWOONG

Personality: knight of pentacles, the devil, the sun, 5 of cups

This could be a specific person. On one hand there is someone with a rather calm, practical, slow moving, stubborn energy, rather discreet and modest. On the other hand there is the fast life linked with fame. And in the middle of it all is heartbreak. So I could see him being in a relationship with this non famous person, that matched him in many ways, grounded him, who was real too, with real love, real pleasures, simple but true. But he sort of fell for the temptations that come with fame, all the people throwing themselves at him, the attention…etc.   earth signs, leo, neptune

Appearance: temperance, the hermit, queen of pentacles

Very calm aura, grounded, earthy. Could be someone a bit older or just mature. Natural beauty, simplicity. Harmonious symmetrical balanced features, good proportions. Coziness, warmth, sensuality. Someone who looks both practical and spiritual, could be like a yoga teacher or something lol. Flexible feminine body. Comfortable in their own skin. Warm, rich, a bit darker colors. Soothing voice. earth signs, libra

Turn offs: 5 of swords, 8 of cups, 2 of pentacles

Here again I feel like I’m picking up on a specific energy, specific argument even that could be about money. He is more ambitious and wants to earn more and is ready to sacrifice some things while his partners may tend to be more simple, to be ok with having enough, but he wants more.  virgo, saturn, cancer, pisces

ZHANG HAO

Personality: high priestess, 6 of cups, queen of swords

Someone who is a bit mysterious, more introverted, secretive, magnetic, possibly who appears a bit cold on the outside but this would just mean that they have strong boundaries and would only let in someone special. Someone with a lot of depth, a lot of love to give, empathetic, a very calming, soothing healing sort of presence. Very calm. Intelligent, mature and interesting. Very elegant, alluring, feminine. Something untouchable about them. But once in the relationship the love would be very deep, unconditional, familiar, safe, a meaningful relationship. scorpio, saturn, libra, virgo, cancer

Appearance: page of cups, page of pentacles, the lovers

Even though when it comes to personality he is attracted to maturity, when it comes to looks, he likes a cuter, more youthful appearance. Small, round face. Small features, shorter height, petite stature. Someone who has a softness and kindness to their looks, a purity. Someone with a dreamy, artistic, romantic and also safe, calming, natural appearance. I see flowers, stars, very dreamy almost fantasy type of look but it’s also in nature, in a very cozy place. Soft skin. Colorful clothes, purple, pink, green, blue. Creative artistic fashion. Smells good, especially flowery perfumes. pisces, taurus, cancer, mercury, virgo

Turn offs: the magician, 2 of wands, knight of swords

Manipulators, people who are too chatty, the business type of people, always concerned with money, profit, that sort of enterprising spirit. People who are disconnected from their emotions, with no artistic sense, people who are blunt, lacking in empathy, tactless, unable to understand others or care about them, selfish, aggressive, impulsive, fast paced. Overly ambitious people. aquarius, gemini, capricorn, aries

SEOK MATTHEW

Personality: knight of swords, 6 of wands, 9 of swords

He likes people who he can get a strong reaction from. People who are a bit impulsive, easily triggered, whose emotions run high, even people who can worry easily, people who enjoy attention and who are a bit proud. I think it’s because he enjoys teasing them, and he likes when someone responds to him. Someone quick to react, with a rather active mind. Active body too, someone more action oriented. Who enjoys activities and going out. Someone who can be really fun too. He likes this bickering old couple sort of dynamic. aries, leo, gemini, virgo, sagittarius

Appearance: queen of swords, 2 of swords, the tower

Someone quite intimidating, haughty, who could even look a bit mean. When it comes to outer appearance very elegant, sophisticated and stylish. But you can feel passion and even aggression boiling just under the surface. The type who can be an ice queen most of the time and throw big tantrums from time to time. Something a bit explosive about their aura. They are trying to keep it under control but you can feel they are triggered. XD Lots of jewelry and luxurious items. Rather tall or appears tall. Pouty lips, that sort of Bratz doll mouth. aries, leo, libra, scorpio, mars

Turn offs: queen of pentacles, king of swords, the devil

People who are too serious, stoic and controlled, who don’t have any spontaneity. Someone manipulative, who is trying to control him. He wants to pull the strings! XD I don’t think he is so manipulative in an unhealthy way, he is more teasing and funny, but he doesn’t like when it goes the other way around, when someone is like that with him, he wants to be the one in control. Anyone too toxic or unhealthy.  saturn, capricorn, aquarius, pluto, negative scorpio

TAERAE

Personality: 7 of pentacles, 2 of wands, the star

I feel like his idea of relationships is mostly abstract and that he doesn’t really know exactly what he wants right now. But he would prefer to take it slow, so someone patient, observant, who would approach him carefully, he would probably want to feel the spark right away, but start off as friends. Yet he wants this person to be enterprising, to make the first step, to have a certain boldness, even if they would not force the relationship. Someone fun, inspiring, strong, confident, protective, positive who would give him hope and boost his confidence, and care for him, support him all the way. He would prefer his partner to be more experienced and the decision maker.  leo, aquarius, cancer, jupiter

Appearance: page of cups, 9 of cups, the emperor

A soft more masculine sort of appearance, someone who looks very chill, welcoming, kind, but also confident and relaxed. Short hair, big smile. Nice teeth. Relaxed fashion or style. Commanding presence, maybe a more powerful physique. More androgynous in appearance. Soft facial features, full lips, big eyes, tan and soft skin. The color blue, white, turquoise, purple dreamy watery colors.  pisces, taurus, aquarius, cancer

Turn offs: 5 of cups, 10 of cups, king of pentacles

Someone who wants to go too fast, who is too clingy, needy, codependent, he is not ready for a long term stable relationship right now. Maybe he had to turn down people who were very family oriented and traditional and wanted to build something long term with him, but it’s too early for him. So he would prefer someone more light hearted and who wouldn’t want to put any label to the relationship, something more free.  taurus, cancer, pluto, saturn

RICKY

Personality: 4 of wands, 5 of wands, the fool

Cards kept falling down so probably he likes something a bit chaotic! XD Definitely someone very fiesty, fun loving, who likes to party and who laughs a lot, very lively. Someone who is competitive too, hot headed, action oriented, sporty. Energetic, who enjoys a lot of activities. Someone very spontaneous, passionate, and everyday with them feels like a new beginning, never boring. The chemistry is what matters the most, he needs to feel that spark, and he doesn’t mind a bit of drama if it keeps the passion alive.  aries, sagittarius, leo, uranus

Appearance: 6 of pentacles, 6 of wands, 2 of wands

A more practical look, nothing too fancy. He prefers simplicity. Athleisure, mountain look, short hair or hair tied up in a bun, someone who looks like they are used to do things outdoors. Fit sturdy body, tan skin. A more natural look. Confident and mature. A bit fierce looking, strong eyebrows, sharper, stronger features. Warm coppery colors, brown, orange, red. mars, sagittarius, taurus, aries

Turn offs: ace of pentacles, 2 of pentacles, 3 of cups

Someone who is too focused on the practical, always thinking about money, only wants to do things that are useful, productive. Someone who never really loses control. Someone who is greedy and opportunistic. Someone who is a people pleaser. He also wants to feel the passion right away, so someone who appears to friendly lol, he needs that hot passion right off the bat. earth signs, libra, aquarius

GYUVIN

Personality: page of pentacles, the star, the high priestess

Someone very kind, helpful, feminine, soft, caring and practical. More discreet or shy, a bit mysterious. Positive. He could like a bookworm, think Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Someone who is doing their own thing, very compassionate, good with animals, who has a lot of culture and knowledge. Someone who is a bit spiritual or religious as well, who believes that something is looking out for them. Who would give him a lot of hope. A reassuring presence but at the same time someone he’d want to protect. Someone who likes to cuddle. virgo, pisces, cancer, jupiter

Appearance: 5 of cups, 7 of pentacles, queen of swords

Someone who looks a bit distant, melancholic, somber. Who could look a bit cold or even mean on the outside but he would feel that they are a wounded soul. Someone who is more of a loner, who doesn’t talk much, closed off body language. A more traditional asian beauty type, slender, pale skin, classy, long hair, clean looks, elegant, refined. Almond shaped eyes. capricorn, virgo, scorpio,  aquarius

Turn offs: justice, page of wands, the hierophant

Someone who puts a lot of pressure on him, demands that he is perfect, is making all the decisions, is hypercritical, cold, punishing, acts like a parent, a figure of authority or a manager. He also doesn’t like someone either too adventurous, immature or unreliable or either too traditional, controlling, structured, he needs a balance of both.  negative capricorn, sagittarius, saturn, taurus, aquarius

GUNWOOK

Personality: queen of wands, 7 of swords, the high priestess

He could be a bit impressionable and naive in relationships, because he tends to be attracted to tricksters, people who hide their true self or true intentions, who appear to him as very charismatic and over the top, could love bomb him. People with narcissistic tendencies, who could try to gaslight him so they have him under their influence. People who talk a lot of BS, who lie or distort the truth, exaggerate things to make themselves appear more impressive. People who can be domineering and arrogant, who don’t take no for an answer.  negative sagittarius, leo, gemini, cancer, scorpio

Appearance: king of cups, queen of swords, 10 of pentacles

He is easily impressed by status, money or a strong, intimidating aura. Someone who could even look a bit fierce, cold, mean, but who has very magnetic intense eyes. A touch of darkness in their aesthetic. Luxurious brands, jewelry. Could prefer older partners. Someone who looks a bit extravagant or who has a signature sort of look. This could be a specific energy I’ve been picking up for him since the start of the reading.  taurus, capricorn, scorpio

Turn offs: 8 of swords, page of pentacles, 7 of cups

Insecurity, shyness, someone who hides themselves from the world, who is more simple, humble in the way they present themselves and the life they want. Someone outside of the entertainment industry or who isn’t part of the elite. A misfit. Someone insecure who lacks confidence and self sabotage. With the 7 of cups showing up at the end, I feel like this is a clear indication that he is caught up in an illusion. He can’t see what’s behind the splendor of fame, money, luxury…etc. saturn, neptune, uranus

[morning-star-joy]

do I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?

a stranger's heart without a home Chapter 3

Pairing: rivals to friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak

Chapter Summary: Insight into how Joel feels about you, and a fleeting moment of passion before he leaves.

Chapter Warnings: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) One-Night Stand, Fingering, Unprotected p in v sex, Rough Sex, Dirty Talk including Degradation (for flavor), Praise Kink, very light Breathplay (if you squint), Language, Alcohol Use, a misogynist asshole in the beginning who Joel shoves after Reader puts them in their place

Wordcount: 10.3k

chapter 1 || chapter 2 || chapter 3 || masterlist

ao3 link

Joel Miller stood frozen in the gentle fall of snow, abandoned by all except for the ghosts that followed his steps down every road he took.

Roads he had decided to walk alone a long time ago. Roads he was satisfied to walk alone.

Until he had agreed to take Ellie to the Fireflies.

Joel sighed as he ran a gloved hand over his face, feeling more worn down from the conversation he just had with Tommy than from the firefight that broke out with raiders at the dam earlier that day. While he was glad he hadn’t let Tommy go without him, the shootout that had occurred only worsened the worry that had been gnawing away at him; the fear that had spurred Joel to bare his broken heart and tarnished soul to his baby brother.

Twice, twice during that fight, Ellie had been in direct danger. It didn’t matter that one of those times the bandit had been going for him first, because Ellie would’ve been next. And both times, it had been that woman that saved her. Some fucking stranger who didn’t even know either of them saved the kid without so much as a second thought.

Ellie didn’t need a broken old man to get her to the Fireflies safely. She needed somebody like that to escort her. Somebody younger and faster. Somebody selfless enough to be ready to sacrifice themselves for her, but skilled enough to beat the odds and come out of it alive.

Joel couldn’t deny that he had felt a pang of envy as he watched Tommy's Firefly sit with Ellie, showing her how to hold a rifle and look through the scope. It was something the kid had been asking him to do, but he had always refused. Too stubborn in the denial of his own fondness for her, denial that Ellie had been more than cargo for a while. Yet the Firefly had picked up the role of teaching her, the role of protecting her, so easily.

He felt that envy again when they were laughing at some stupid joke made at his expense. The joke hadn’t bothered Joel, in fact it had nearly brought a smile to his face when he saw how happy Ellie was. It was how freely they could laugh with each other that bothered him. Even when Ellie’s dumb pun had broken through his defenses that one time, he hadn’t had the strength to even look at her through the darkness as they had laughed.

Joel sighed, looking up to the strands of light-bulbs that lit the street once more since the power had been restored at the dam. It had been an easy fix, just like the woman said, after the “trouble” she had also mentioned was a possibility.

Even though he knew Ellie needed someone like that to escort her to the Fireflies, he would only entrust the task to Tommy. Joel knew Tommy trusted his friend, for whatever reason in the history of his brother’s life that came after Joel, but that still wasn’t good enough for him. He wouldn’t trust anybody with this journey, wouldn’t trust anybody with Ellie’s life except for his own family.

Snow continued to fall from the night sky in flurries as Joel followed the directions Tommy had given him. It was an odd, bittersweet feeling, seeing the life that Tommy had carved out for himself since they had parted ways. 

His brother hadn’t been wrong when he accused Joel of staying frozen in time while everybody else had moved on. Evidence of that claim was clear everywhere he looked in Jackson, where people were creating lives for themselves, even after the end of the world. One of them was his own brother, and he couldn’t find the strength to really be mad at him for it. What could he do about it, even if he was? Tommy had Maria now. He had a child on the way.

And he had her.

He wasn’t jealous of Tommy. Underneath his bitterness, Joel was happy to see his brother was building a happy life not only for himself, but for those he cared about. The world was too shitty for Joel not to wish him the best, despite it all. But that woman? His ex-Firefly buddy?

Her, he was jealous of.

Joel didn’t know who she was, had never even heard her fucking name before today. He could rationalize it when it came to Maria, not able to fault Tommy for that desire to settle down and start a family. Joel had felt it himself once.

But the issue of her—that was different. She was a fucking Firefly, some kind of rebel idealist that Tommy had fought alongside of. And sure, Joel knew bonds could be forged through that sort of thing, but to come to Jackson together? To be the first at his side when trouble brewed? To be the one he trusted?

That used to be me, an angry, bitter voice in the back of Joel’s head spoke. She was not a wife. She was not a friend. She was family.

She was him.

His replacement.

And despite his best intentions—if he even had any of those left—a part of himself slowly began to despise her for that.

He could tell she wasn't a bad person, or at least not as terrible as most. Joel didn’t know the kind of shit she did in the Fireflies with Tommy, or what she might have done before that—she was too quick, too skilled with both a rifle and a knife to be completely innocent—but she had risked her life to keep Ellie safe, and despite however he felt about her, that did mean something. Joel not only owed her once for that, but twice for saving his own life as well.

Joel groaned, letting his footsteps slow to try and prolong his arrival at the house Tommy had put him and Ellie in. He knew he had to speak with Ellie. He had to prepare her for being handed off to Tommy.

Shit, just the wording of that made him wince internally.

It was for the best, he knew that. But Ellie wouldn’t, and Joel couldn’t prepare himself for however she was going to react, and whatever hard truths he may have to reveal in order for her to let him go.

Let him go. The thought brought a pang of sadness, a feeling he tried to shake off by telling himself that it was for the better. He knew it was for the better.

Maybe if he kept telling himself that, he would eventually believe it.

Loud music and rowdy laughter echoed through the still air of the winter night as the doors to a building opened across the street from him, and a couple figures stumbled out. Joel sighed, not wanting to draw attention to himself and invite conversation, so he hung back for a moment, waiting for the two to disperse.

One of the figures stopped, leaning against a sturdy wooden pillar that held up the cover above the walkway and the sign for the bar, The Tipsy Bison.

Great, he thinks to himself, muscles aching from the long day as he rests his back against a matching support pillar on his own side of the street. Joel listened to the pair’s carefree laughter, wondering if they were drunk enough that he could just slip by without being noticed, when one of the voice’s caught his attention.

“Eh, he’s not that bad,” the voice drawled, tone lighter and easier than he had heard it before, but the lilt of it was already annoyingly familiar. “I think.”

Joel’s eyes squinted as he tried to make out the figure speaking through the darkness and light snowfall that obscured his vision, and he swore internally when he could finally see.

Fucking hell, of all the 300 people Maria claimed to have in this settlement, did it have to be her?

“Really?” the man standing behind Tommy's Firefly asked as he leaned closer to her. “He got at least half of our guards shitting their pants. I heard he got as many kills as Tommy in that skirmish at the dam, if not more.”

Joel’s gaze squinted further at the pair lounging outside the brightly lit bar. Were they…talking about him?

She whacked the man on the shoulder, not lightly judging by how he recoiled from the hit with a wince. “Can you not say that so loudly? It’s not common knowledge, people don’t need to get freaked out by it.”

“Ah, see,” the man said as he poked her in the forehead, and Joel frowned, fingers flexing at his sides as he saw her face contort into a glare up at the guy, a warning signal to Joel that the touch was unwanted. “That’s Tommy’s words getting into your head.”

She laughed, the sound devoid of that lightness it had carried just a moment before. Now it held a hint of danger to it that roused Joel’s attention. He straightened from where he was leaning against the pillar, watching her ire grow towards her companion.

“Pretty sure I can think for myself, man,” she responded bitterly. “You can leave your sexism poorly disguised as chivalry in the pre-apocalyptic world.”

Joel’s brow raised, his gaze now fixed on her with a renewed interest, though he would be the last to admit it. He had seen that resolve, that challenge in the woman when she approached him on the street earlier that day. Even before that, he had seen her defiance when she scoffed at him for whatever reason as she passed by his conversation with Tommy in the dining hall.

That last memory made him shake his head, pivoting on his feet to walk past the pair, when the sound of the man’s voice crawled down Joel’s spine and made him turn right back around.

“Don’t be like that, now. If you wanna come back to my place, I’m sure I can make you forget any other man’s words.”

“What the hell, man?” Her voice was angry now, something Joel noted in the back of his mind as his pace towards the two picked up. “You gonna turn that stupid bullshit you said into a bad pickup line? No fucking way.”

She shoved at the man’s shoulder before moving to walk past him, and Joel barely saw the hand raising to push her back against the pillar before his own hand grabbed the man by the shoulder she had shoved, pulling him backwards before the bastard could lay a hand on her.

Perhaps he pulled harder than necessary, Joel realized, but he found it hard to care as the man fell onto his ass in the snow with a yelp. He looked up at Joel, angry indignation in his eyes as he opened his big mouth to speak, before he seemed to realize who he was looking at.

“I believe the lady told you no,” Joel’s words rolled off his tongue slowly, voice low with the promise of danger he reserved for those unfortunate souls that tested him.

He really shouldn’t have felt a sick sense of satisfaction at watching the man scramble back through the snow to stagger to his feet, but he did. The man cleared his throat before beginning to back away, but not before Joel could get in another word. That rat wouldn’t get off easy for treating a woman like that, because apocalypse be damned, the Southern hospitality of his upbringing and the respect for women it instilled was hard to shake.

“Apologize.” The word was a command, his voice as quiet as it was deadly. Joel could feel the Firefly's gaze on him as he spoke, but he was too focused on the man whose eyes had widened in fear.

Good, Joel thought as that sick satisfaction in him grew at the sight of the terror he instilled.

“I, uh,” the man cleared his throat, suddenly sheepish now that another man had called him out on his bullshit. Fuck it all, Joel should punch him right in the middle of the stupid face he had leered at her and god knew how many other women with. “Sorry.”

Joel’s mouth opened, fist clenching as he was about to call out that shallow apology with either his words, his fists, or maybe even both, when the woman interrupted with a snap, “Just get the fuck out of here, man.”

Nothing more needed to be said as the overgrown weasel made a hasty departure, sending one last look of fear back over his shoulder before disappearing into the night. 

Joel’s fist continued to clench and release a few times before he slowly let a breath out through his nose, an attempt to regain control of himself.

“I could have handled that,” the Firefly murmured, and he finally looked over at her.

Even in the dim light from the strands of light-bulbs above their heads, Joel could see the flush across her face that spoke to the alcohol she must have consumed inside the bar. Still, the shocking clarity in her bright eyes as she looked at him affirmed that she wasn't quite as drunk as the man had been, probably just tipsy.

Joel shouldn’t have been so drawn in by the sight of the Firefly's piercing gaze on him. In retrospect, that should have been the first warning sign, and he should have walked away from her right then and there.

“I’m sure,” Joel nodded instead, his voice flat even though his words were remarkably honest as he remembered her combat skill from earlier in the day. “But that wouldn’t have made it right for me to stand back and watch.”

Joel glanced away, refusing to look at her even as he felt her staring at him. His gaze fixed on the snowflakes that still fluttered through the night breeze as his jaw ticked, the tension that was preparing him for a fight not completely evaporated from his muscles yet.

“Yeah,” she murmured, Joel’s head tilting towards the sound of her voice subconsciously as she spoke, “guess men will still be men, even in a peaceful settlement after the end of the world, huh?”

He looked over now, just in time to see her shoot a bemused half-smirk at him. 

“No offense,” she added, voice low and thick with a sarcastic humor. Joel looked away again, faster this time than he had meant to.

“None taken,” he replied, his own voice thick with something else, and he cleared it quickly.

Joel stood next to her in silence, suddenly feeling more aware of his own body and the reactions he was making than he had in a long time. It was almost…self-conscious? No, not quite as drastic as that sort of lack of confidence. It was more like unease, or tension, a small feeling hovering in the very back of his mind, hardly there. 

But it was still there, even as he stubbornly ignored it. Even as that tension threatened to slowly eat away at him.

A sudden burst of cold wind made him cough into his fist as he tried to find words to speak, all the while wondering in the back of his mind why he hadn’t just walked off yet, when she broke the silence herself.

“What house did Tommy put you in?”

Joel glanced sideways at her, watching the way she shoved her hands into her pockets and shivered before he looked back out at the empty street. “38.”

She hummed, the gesture of her thumb pointing back at herself catching his attention again as she replied casually, almost lazily, “27. You’re just down the street from me.”

He nodded, suddenly wanting to be anywhere where she wasn't, but for some reason Joel found himself falling into step beside her as she mentioned showing him the way.

It was probably just because he had forgotten Tommy’s directions, he told himself. But as they walked through the snowfall in silence, he couldn’t help but think for a moment that maybe it was an illusion of camaraderie. A feeling that had been lacking from his life ever since Tess—

Joel stiffened, the line of his own thoughts shutting him down completely. He had allowed himself to get that close to somebody once since the world had gone to hell, and look how that had gone. He wouldn’t do it again.

Not that the woman was anywhere close to being that kind of option to him. Joel hardly knew her, and he wasn’t particularly interested in getting to know her. He glanced sideways at her as she walked with her head turned up towards the sky, letting the snowflakes fall onto her face and wincing when one got in her eye.

The lights of the street reflected in the color of her irises as she blinked, creating a glow effect in the Firefly's pupils that lit up the winter night. Slowly, Joel’s gaze trailed over her face, following the curve of her cheekbones down to her jaw, down the slope of her neck, until the sight of her skin disappeared beneath the collar of her jacket. His eyes flashed back up, gaze caught on her lips when her tongue darted out to catch a stray snowflake on her tongue.

Joel looked away fast, something he hadn’t felt in a while stirring inside of him from the sight. Something that he would much rather keep locked away.

Because what might be even more aggravating than how close this stranger was to Tommy, what was even more hazardous than the envy he felt for her that was slowly turning into direct dislike, was the dawning realization that she was attractive.

He had already noticed it, because even though Joel was old, he wasn’t fucking blind. She was attractive not only in her physical features, but in that calm confidence, that air of keen perception and firm persistence she carried herself around Jackson with. 

What was harder for him to admit, even to just himself, was that she wasn't simply attractive, but that he was attracted to her. Joel could sense that old, familiar feeling of desire haunting him when she didn’t back down from his silent challenges, accepting them instead with a quick wit or a defiant arch of her eyebrow. 

He could feel the attraction coiling in his veins when she crept through a fight, dropping one target efficiently before moving onto the next. Joel could feel a need for her that was only growing stronger as she wiped the blood of a man she had killed to save him off her scarred cheek, eyes intense and fueled with adrenaline as she looked up at him.

He could feel the arousal she evoked when she had tugged that glove off with her teeth, quick fingers running over her guns efficiently. He couldn’t help but wonder how those teeth would feel scraping along his neck, those fingers dancing lower across his stomach, lower until she reached—

Joel shook his head sharply, casting the lust out of his mind even as he felt that desire begin to stir inside him again. It was treacherous, not just because he hardly knew the woman, but because he wasn’t sure yet if his attraction to her was from the same part of him that despised her, or a different one.

He also didn’t know which of the two options was more dangerous.

“Well, here’s me.”

The confusing conflict of distaste and desire broke its hold on Joel as he blinked and looked back at the Firefly when she spoke. His gaze followed her extended finger that pointed towards the house to his left. There sat a small, humble cottage-sized house with a porch, a picket fence, and the bright number 27 painted on the sign.

“Interesting color,” he remarked quietly, only realizing he had said it out loud when she popped her head into his line of sight to glare at him.

“It’s my favorite,” she snapped, but the words were devoid of true anger as she brushed past him. Her tone held something more akin to teasing as her arm grazed his, the scent of something that was almost sweet reaching his nose, and his head swam in another strong flare of desire as he realized it was her.

Joel hadn’t realized his gaze was still focused on her as she walked up the pathway to her house until she opened up the door, catching his eye as she looked back at him after flicking on her lights.

“You…”

He waited for her to finish speaking, heart jumping into his throat as his hands clenched into fists inside his jacket pockets. 

Don’t say it, he thinks to himself.

But still, he waits for her to.

After a long moment, as the tension between them grew thicker than ever before even as the distance had grown farther, she jabbed a thumb over her shoulder towards the interior of the house behind her.

Joel’s jaw tensed.

“You wanna come inside for a drink?”

Joel breathed in slowly through his nose, trying to reign himself in as his thoughts began to run wild. Did she understand the implication of her invitation? Maybe she didn’t. Surely she wasn't inviting someone so much older than her into her bed. 

The tension between them may be thick, but the attraction he felt had to be one-sided. He had to tell himself that so he stayed where he was, standing outside the gate of her flawless picket fence, a necessary barrier that kept him away from her. Or kept her away from him.

And even if it was just a harmless invitation for a drink, why would she invite him, of all the options she must have in Jackson?

But as Joel squinted at her, trying to find something that could help him fool himself of her true intentions, he saw only a glimmer in her eyes. A hint of mirth and something deeper that he couldn’t blame on those strands of light that lit a path towards the Firefly through the darkness of the harsh winter night, even as he tried to resist following down that path that led straight to her.

“I have coffee,” she added as she stepped to the side, letting him see into the lit hallway behind her, leading further into the house. A clear invitation into her home, and he wasn’t sure what he was tempted by more at that moment—the hidden meaning behind the coyness of those words, or the promise of a hot cup of coffee. “If that’s your preferred poison.”

Joel huffed, cursing under his breath as he leaned back on his feet, needing distance from the woman he couldn’t seem to force himself to get at that moment. 

He could deal with his own attraction. Joel could hold himself back because it was one-sided. But if it wasn’t, if she—fuck, if that woman felt that same desire that he felt growing for her with each passing moment in her presence…

Joel told himself he shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t, because—

Shaking his head sharply, Joel reminded himself that he still needed to talk to Ellie. And that came before anything else.

“I can’t,” he muttered as he avoided her gaze, not wanting to see if she was disappointed, or if she didn’t care at all. He wasn’t sure which reaction would be worse to see.

“Suit yourself,” she called back, sounding unbothered just from her tone alone as he stared stubbornly at the ice that had formed on the picket fence that carefully separated him from what she had offered. He heard her front door begin to swing shut, and he waited for the click as it closed, but it didn’t come.

Then came the words in a voice so quiet it was almost soft, “My door is open, if you decide you need that drink.”

Joel finally looked up just as the door shut. He blinked, chest rising and falling with a deep breath, his hand flexing as he stared. After a moment, the light that peaked through the curtains in her front window went out, and only then did he allow himself to turn, sighing heavily as he ran a hand over his hair.

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself, steps quickening as he hurried down the street towards the house marked with the number 38. Joel shoved the image of the Firefly standing in the doorway beyond his reach, her silhouette painted with the light of her home out of his mind as he focused himself on the task ahead.

Sleep did not come easy that night.

You felt stupid, replaying that last conversation you had with Joel in your mind as you tossed and turned.

“So fucking stupid,” you muttered to yourself more than once, remembering how he hadn’t even looked you in the eye when he turned you down.

You hadn’t even known where the invitation had come from. Yes, you knew you were attracted to him but, fuck, you didn’t think you would ever act on it. You didn’t want to act on it. There was a part of you—a pretty fucking strong part—that didn’t even like the man, and though you were pretty sure he felt the same about you in at least some way, he had still gone out of his way to stand up for you.

That must have been what did it. Yes, it must have been that display of strong masculinity, nothing more. That, and the alcohol. And the fucking need to get laid. Nothing more.

You winced as you remembered the moment you had asked him to come in for a drink again, his blank face as he stared at anything but you, and you buried your face in your pillow with a groan. 

Joel probably thought you were too young for him, or was simply unattracted to you. The tension you felt between you was one of hostility, and the attraction you felt for him was one-sided. You were a fool if you thought it was otherwise.

Or, perhaps even worse, maybe Joel hadn’t even understood your proposal, and had turned you down because he didn’t even want your friendly conversation.

Somehow, that thought ended up hurting even more.

You sighed, kicking off the blankets when the light of dawn began to peek through the cracks of your curtains. Swinging your legs over the side of your bed, you stretched your arms over your head, sighing from the relief it brought to your tense muscles. You stood, grabbing your robe from your closet and slipping it on before making your way into the kitchen. 

If you couldn’t get to sleep, you might as well start your day a bit earlier than usual.

It wasn’t that much earlier, as you tended to be an early riser more often than not lately. Something about safety, you thought in the back of your mind. A need to be awake when everybody else was still asleep, just in case something happened.

A pretty foolish thing to think, given how something bad was just as likely to happen when you slept at night, if not more likely. Still, it was a hard habit to shake.

Your typical morning routine came naturally to you as you shuffled about your small kitchen. When getting out your coffee pot, you realized your supply of coffee was getting low, so maybe it was a good thing that Joel hadn’t accepted your invitation, if only for the selfish reason that you could keep all the caffeine to yourself.

You hummed to yourself, determined to distract yourself from the memories of last night that were popping up again. It was a song that you remembered the tune to more than you remembered the words. The chorus was a tongue twister, you faintly recalled, and the lyrics had faded with time. Still, you remembered parts of the melody, a familiar, comforting tune even as you sang it quietly to yourself while waiting for the pot of coffee to heat up.

The pleasant quiet of your little routine was interrupted by a sudden knock at your front door, and you nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of it. Clutching your chest, you glanced back at the coffee on the stove, making sure it wouldn’t burn before walking to your front door. Your footsteps quickened as the knocks sounded again, louder this time.

Was it Tommy? You couldn’t imagine who else it would be. What the fuck had happened that was making him pound on your door at the crack of dawn?

“What the fu—”

Your bewildered cursing quickly cut itself off as you swung your door open, seeing the unexpected culprit of the persistent knocking leaning an arm against your doorframe.

“Your offer for that drink still up?”

Blinking rapidly, you stare dumbfounded at the sight of the imposing figure that was Joel Miller standing on your doorstep, asking to come in as the low light of dawn colored the winter sky in purples, pinks and blues behind him.

You didn’t know how long you had been standing there staring, struck by shock into silence, until he said your name. A question, asking for your attention, but the sound of the syllables rolling off his tongue sounded both sweet and heady in the baritone of his smooth accent, and your head jerked in a nod. You stepped to the side, allowing him room to come inside.

“Uh, yeah.” You realized that you hadn’t stopped nodding, quickly stopping yourself as he looked at you for a moment longer before stepping through the doorway. You closed the door behind him with a slight tremble to your hands. “Yeah, I’m actually making some coffee right—”

You stopped short as you turned on your heels, jogging past him back into the kitchen as you remembered you had left the coffee on the stove.

“Shit shit shit shit, ow, fuck!” your muttered curses were only interrupted by a louder swear as you burnt yourself from trying to grab the hot coffee pot off the lit stove too quickly. More jumbled curses left your lips as you searched for a towel to grab the pot with, lifting it off the stove and onto a coaster before blowing the flame out.

“Well, uh,” you stopped as you looked back over your shoulder to where Joel had followed you, and was setting his pack against the wall in the entrance to your kitchen. You paused, glancing over his gathered supplies, brows furrowed in confusion before you glanced back at the coffee pot. “Hope you like your coffee burnt.”

From the corner of your eye, you saw Joel shrug as he watched you open two wrong cabinets before reaching the one with the mugs. “Coffee is coffee, I’ll take what I can get.”

His voice sounded more rough than usual. Heavy with sleep, maybe? Regardless, it sent a shiver down your spine as you set two mugs onto the counter, picking a plain taupe colored one for him, and one decorated with an engraving of a moose for yourself.

“How do you like it?” you found yourself asking as you poured the hot drink into the mugs, eyes lifting to meet his, and you froze.

The innuendo of the phrase slowly dawned on you, cheeks flushing as you stared at him, and he looked straight back at you. Tension that you had felt simmering in the air since you opened the door, tension that had only grown once he walked through the threshold, pressed heavier around you, urging you to be closer to him. Joel’s arms shifted as he shrugged his jacket off, your eyes following the slow movement before you turned back to the mugs.

“The coffee,” you rushed the words out before clearing your throat. “The coffee, I meant.”

Oh god, oh fuck, you thought to yourself as you stared down at the mugs. Did Joel think you meant something else? Did you mean something else? You certainly had last night. Had he understood the underlying meaning in that offer? Was he taking you up on it now? But why now? You had just woken up, you were completely sober, you needed to mentally prepare. You needed to—

A hand brushed past your arm to pick up one of the mugs, and you froze. You couldn’t feel the touch of Joel’s skin through the robe you wore, but the heat of his body still radiated through. You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to pick up your own mug. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you realized he had taken the one with the moose design.

“Like this,” Joel murmured, leaning back against the counter and taking a sip of the drink. He nodded gently to himself as he looked down into the mug, letting out a quiet hum that made you bite your lip. You distracted yourself with your quickly wandering thoughts by preparing your coffee the way you liked it.

Silence descended upon the kitchen, and you found yourself in the baffling situation of sharing your morning coffee routine with Joel Miller. You were content to let it stay quiet, ignoring the glances you could feel him sending you in favor of staring into your mug. That was until his movement brought you out of the happy distraction of bliss that only hot coffee first thing in the morning could provide.

Your brows furrowed as you watched Joel set down his coffee and walk over to pick up the towel you had used to take the coffee pot off the stove. He flicked the faucet of your sink on, running the fabric under the cold water as you stared at him in confusion.

“What are you—”

Your voice faded when Joel walked directly up to you. He was careful to avoid your fingers as he took the mug from your hands and set it on the counter, but made no move to answer the question in your eyes.

At least, not with words. Joel calmly took your hand even as you jerked at the contact, and you finally understood what he was doing when he turned it over to observe the burn the hot coffee pot had left on your knuckles. He pressed the cold towel to it, and you winced a little at the feeling before relaxing at how the temperature soothed the pain you had forgotten about in your panic to make the coffee.

“You’re a fighter.” Joel’s accent was smooth on your ears, so close to you now, and you struggled to stay collected while you watched him focus on the task of treating your burn. “You should take care of your hands.”

You took the opportunity to look at his own hands at the sentiment, unable to ignore how they felt as they easily enveloped yours. Calluses not unlike your own marked his touch, as identifiable as his fingerprints or the lines on his tan palms. Scars along Joel’s own knuckles caught your eye, and you nodded towards the badly healed injury.

“Like you?”

The look he fixed you with was nearly humorous with how unimpressed it was, a laugh bubbling up from your throat at the sight of it.

Joel’s hands paused, the disinterest in his brown eyes slowly fading into something else at the sound of your laughter.

After a moment where you both stood silently, gazes locked in some kind of wordless battle of wills, he looked back down at your burn. He carefully dabbed at it a few more times with the towel before speaking.

“You’ve got a sharp mouth on you, miss,” his Southern drawl sounded stronger with the slow words. Something about the way his accent wrapped around the formality made it sound almost filthier than it should have, and that emboldened you.

“You have no idea just how much.” The words slipped out without thinking, and though your heart suddenly hammered in your chest, you couldn’t stop the smirk that curled on your lips as he looked sharply back up at you.

There was a new kind of analysis in his dark eyes as he regarded you now, different from the cold, detached calculation he had fixed on you before. In contrast, this analysis was hotter, adding fuel to a fire that would probably be best if you both left it alone. The tension between you built, the string pulling taut before he slowly released your hand, dropping the towel onto the counter and backing away to pick his mug back up.

The intensity in the room receded slightly as he moved away, but didn’t recede completely. Joel still watched you attentively, head cocked to the side while he took another sip of his coffee, leaning against the counter opposite you. Far enough to keep your respective personal spaces, but close enough not to break that strain between you that begged you to close the distance.

Quiet fell upon you again as you both sipped at your coffee, even as you now watched each other’s moves closely. More light began to creep through the gaps in the curtains you had neglected to open yet. Now, with the brother of your closest friend in your home, and the way he looked at you so intensely like he was trying to figure out your—or his—next move, you couldn’t help but be glad that you had kept those curtains closed.

It hit you again that you really knew nothing about this man, but now you were sharing your precious last dregs of coffee with him. Your fingers tapped along the side of your mug, eyes drawn again towards the pack that was sitting in the entryway to your kitchen.

“Don’t ask,” Joel said quietly, voice low with a warning not to break this strange new thread that was tying you two together at this moment.

“I wasn’t going to,” you replied smoothly, taking another sip of your coffee as you looked back at him.

That same arch of a gray-tinted eyebrow you had seen a few times appeared again. Eyes so dark brown that they obscured his real intentions fixed on you, holding a new challenge in them, and your grip tightened on your mug as that desire lit itself in your stomach once more.

“No?” The single word was soft, but not without intensity as Joel watched you closely. For a paranoid moment you worried he could tell what you were thinking, that he could feel the low flickering flames of a need that he was only adding kindle to, but you shook the preposterous thought away.

“We’re both adults, Joel,” you gestured with your mug as you spoke, “and it’s been the end of the fucking world for twenty years. I don’t give a shit what you do.”

A soft laugh pulled from his lips, a raspy chuckle that you wondered if you hallucinated as he hid the sound behind his mug, disguising the action as another sip.

“That seems mighty rare, especially in a town like this,” Joel commented, your attention catching on the stroke of his thumb against the edges of the engraving on his mug. That desire coiled further, your thighs subconsciously clenching together as you wondered what those fingers could do to you.

You laughed, the sound almost a snort as it was startled out of you by his remark, as distracted as you were by your attraction to him. “Yeah, you have no idea,” you mutter before shrugging, your finger tracing the rim of your own cup.

“Seems hard to get any kind of privacy,” Joel murmured, his voice deep as his eyes followed the circling of your finger along the cup’s rim.

“Mm,” you hummed through a sip of your drink, eyes locked with his over your cup when you lowered it. His gaze caught on the way your throat moved as you swallowed, your desire for him so intense you could feel your panties becoming damp when Joel’s eyes darkened.

“You take the moments you can get,” you murmured, voice low as you lick the excess drops of coffee off your bottom lip, satisfied by the way he stiffens and his gaze locks in on your tongue.

Joel slowly set his mug down on the counter, pushing himself up as he began to stride towards you. Your heart pounded in time with each step he took, suspense from the thickening moment making you tense as he walked closer.

“When’s the last time you took a moment?” he asked, his rich baritone thick with insinuation that wasn’t lost on you as you straightened from the full focus of his attention.

“It’s been a while.” You were almost embarrassed by the truth in your words, but the light of recognition in his eyes, and the realization that it was probably the same for him offered some relief as he stopped in front of you.

Much like before, he took the mug from your hands, but this time the rough touch of his fingers whispered over yours. Joel set the mug down beside you, his palm flattening against the counter with the smooth motion. His other hand slowly lifted to press against the counter on the other side of your body, effectively caging you in between his arms.

“Why’d you invite me inside your home last night?” Joel’s head lowered so he could look directly into your eyes, voice rough and thickened with the short space now between you. His dark gaze was so intense, so close to you now that it nearly stole your breath away.

“Why’d you say no?” you countered, voice quiet under the pressure that surrounded you both. The thread between you pulled so taut, it was ready to snap under the lightest touch. 

So easy to break with just one touch.

Joel’s head shook, voice deepening as you could nearly feel the rumble of his smooth drawl in his chest from how close he stood to you, “I’m much too old for you, sweetheart.”

Your stomach flipped at the term, breath stuttering as desire shot straight between your legs. He had known what you meant, and the realization hit you that he hadn’t turned you down because he wasn’t interested.

No, Joel had walked away because he was attracted to you. He just thought it wasn’t a good idea.

The thought sent a thrill through you, a rush of desire that took over your better judgment as you realized that even that judgment hadn’t stopped him from showing up on your doorstep this morning. Joel was here now, in the privacy of your kitchen, trapping you against the counter and looking at you with eyes as dark as sin, and that made you bold.

“Yeah?” your voice was breathy with the word, his gaze flashing to your lips at the sound of it, and you tensed with anticipation. “I think you can keep up.”

You could feel the strength that exuded from him, the tension that coiled in his muscles as his arms strained on either side of you. To keep himself from touching you, maybe? Some last desperate attempt at restraint? But you began to realize you both knew exactly where this was heading from the moment he stepped through your door.

“Do you want to kiss me, Joel Miller?” your sultry words were teased on a whisper as you shifted from restless anticipation in the small space between his arms.

Joel shook his head sharply, voice smooth as he responded easily, “No, I don’t want to kiss you.”

You frowned, your mouth opening to speak, but the next words he moved to speak so deeply, so confidently against your ear stunned you into silence.

“I want to fuck you.”

The tension keeping you apart snapped.

You were on each other in an instant.

One of Joel’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you fully against him in the same breath your own hands found the back of his neck. Your fingers danced along his skin, one hand sliding down underneath the collar of his shirt, exploring the muscles of his upper back and feeling how they tensed as he grabbed you. Your other hand traveled up to wind through his short, gray tinted curls, marveling at how soft they felt as you tangled your fingers in those curls.

His lips found your neck in the same moment, the kisses he placed along your skin all tongue and teeth. They were hardly able to be called kisses, the feeling of his mouth against your skin more primal, more territorial than a kiss would be. Your head tilted back to give him better access as his free hand slid up your back, fingers spread as he tried to push himself further against you, fueled by a need that you now knew you shared for each other’s bodies.

Your head turned, nose pressed against the hair that you gripped between your fingers, intoxicated by the clean scent of the shampoo he must have showered with mixed with something earthy, something heady that made your head swim with lust. You couldn’t name the scent, but you also couldn’t bother yourself to figure it out as both his large hands grabbed your hips.

A gasp escaped your lips, the sound softening into a moan as Joel guided your hips to roll up against his. You heard him grunt quietly against your skin as your nails scraped his scalp, rolling his hips against yours again while his tongue flattened along your neck, biting down near your collarbone.

“Fuck,” you muttered breathlessly as Joel grabbed your thigh, lifting your leg easily so he could roll his hardening erection right against your clothed cunt. You couldn’t hold in another moan at the sensation, the feeling of him pressed against you so intense and stoking the flames of your desire, even through the clothes that still separated you.

“I—” Joel grunted, cutting himself off as he rolled his erection right against you again, this time the friction rubbing against your clit through your pants and making you moan louder. He bit down on your neck again, leaving another mark on you at the sound you made before he pulled back. “Fuck, I have to go soon.”

“Then hurry the fuck up,” you panted as you held onto each other, lost in the delicious way Joel was grinding against you. You were hypnotized by the lust that clouded his gaze now that you could see his eyes, his carefully guarded walls slipping in the heat of the moment. “Don’t get me wet and not follow through, Joel Miller.”

The look he gave you at your words was pure sin, his hand following the hemline of your pants before slipping underneath them, large fingers dipping down to slowly drag over the fabric of your damp panties.

“Fuck, you are wet,” Joel grunted, his lips parting with need as he watched your head tilt back with another lustful moan, “and I’ve hardly touched you yet.”

“Hurry the fuck up,” you snapped again, pleasure blanketing the heated words as he continued to drag his fingers over the fabric of your panties. His teasing was only turning you on further, desperate to feel his rough touch directly on your throbbing clit and if he had to leave soon, he better fucking have his way with you before he goes.

You gasped when cold air hit your skin as Joel suddenly pulled down both your sleep pants and panties in one swift yank. His hand that still held your thigh pulled it up higher, easily wrapping it around his waist as it opened you up further. His other hand dipped down, fingers dragging along your wet folds and sending an electric shock of pleasure through you.

“God, you’re a tease,” you breathe through the moans he was drawing out of you with the movement of his fingers exploring your folds, gathering your wetness on his fingers before they found your clit. 

Joel circled the sensitive bundle of nerves a few times before rubbing over it. Your legs jerked, hips bucking to try and get closer to his touch as he began to slowly work at you. He followed the vocal cues you were giving him with your moans and gasps to find out what motions felt the best, and repeated them.

“Why is that?” Joel’s lips found your ear again as he murmured the low words, his fingers dipping down to your entrance as his thumb moved to continue rubbing against your clit. “I’m giving you what you want, aren’t I?”

“I—” Your hands grabbed his shoulders, fingers tangling in the fabric of his flannel as he slipped a finger inside of your entrance. You gasped, hips jerking as he slowly sunk the digit in, the feeling of him stroking against your tight walls mixed with the rough pad of his finger rubbing against your clit making you almost delirious with pleasure. “I—”

“Say it,” Joel commanded as his finger drew back to thrust back into you, repeating the motion a few times as your high began to climb, the sensation of him fingerfucking you removing all your inhibitions.

“Yes!” you gasped as you held onto him, desperate for the orgasm that was rapidly approaching. “Yes, you are, fuck you really are…”

Joel hummed, rewarding your answer by slowly sliding another finger inside you to join the first. Your hips rocked with the movements, picking up faster as he began to slow down the thrusts of his fingers, forcing you to chase your own high on his hand as he mumbled, teeth catching your ear, “That’s right, ride my fingers, sweetheart.”

Soft pants turned harder as you did what he told you, using his free hand that grabbed your ass as leverage to ride his fingers, his thumb speeding up over your clit as you felt yourself begin to crest over the edge.

“That’s it,” Joel murmured, his voice deep and rumbling from where his chest pressed against yours as he coaxed the orgasm out of you with his words, “good girl.”

You gasped, waves of pleasure radiating from the center of your core outwards as you came on his fingers. Joel continued to stimulate your clit through your orgasm, fingers slowly thrusting inside your clenching walls as you rode out the waves of pleasure.

Your thighs shook as you came down from your high with a whine. Only then did he pull his fingers out of you, setting your leg back down on the ground and only giving you a moment to breathe as he ripped your robe off, his hands moving down to unbutton his pants. 

“Turn around,” Joel ordered, and you did, hands flattening against the countertop for support to keep yourself standing on shaky legs.

The sound of pants unzipping behind you made you whine softly in anticipation, teeth biting into your lower lip as he nudged your thighs further apart with his knee. You heard him grunt, the sound of skin slapping against skin arousing you again. You pictured how he must be spreading your fluids that you had left on his fingers along his dick, and you moaned from the imagery combined with the sound alone.

One of his hands found your back, pushing you down to bend over the counter as you felt the head of his cock drag against your folds. You moaned at the same time he did, your hands clenched into fists as he repeated the motion.

“Joel—” you choked out his name, your nails surely digging crescent shapes into your palms with how hard you clenched them.

“Tell me,” he grunted, the head of his cock pressing against your entrance as his hand slid up your back. “Tell me what you need.”

He was making sure he had your consent, you thought somewhere in the back of your mind. A kind gesture, and one that you appreciated, but he had already fingerfucked you into an orgasm and if he didn’t put his dick in you now, you were going to lose it.

“God, just fuck me,” you nearly cried, satisfied only when you felt his cock press past your folds to slowly enter you.

Your head almost lifted back with the sensation of him sliding inside of you until his large palm slid up to the back of your neck, holding you down as he continued to push inside further, easier than it would’ve been if he hadn’t gotten you ready first.

Silence hung heavy in the air once he was fully bottomed out, broken only by your combined heavy breathing. Only your moan broke the quiet as he pulled out a few inches to thrust back in, the sound followed by his grunt as he thrusted again.

“Mm,” you whined, one of your hands moving to wrap around the edge of the counter as he began to fuck you in steady thrusts. “Fuck, you feel good.”

Joel’s answering grunts were quiet, barely audible over the the lewd sound of skin slapping against skin that filled your kitchen as he fucked you harder at your praise. You buried your face into your free arm as he pulled out almost completely before slamming back into you, burying himself to the hilt and making you smother a scream into your arm from the pleasure of the sudden fullness.

The pace Joel set was brutal, but you could keep up as your hips rolled back against his, ass pressing against his skin every time he thrusted into you.

“Fuck,” Joel gasped, his hand on your neck finding your hair as he grabbed the strands in his fist. “Fuck, I knew you were a slut from the first moment I set eyes on you.”

You moaned, the degradation leaving you desperate for more friction as you rolled your hips faster, trying to find relief from where the cold counter pressed against your clit.

“Oh yeah?” you whined, moaning again as his fist tugged at your hair, pulling your head back so he could wrap his other hand around your throat. He leaned forward, his hips pressing yours against the counter as he bucked into you a few times.

“Yeah,” Joel grunted, his hand squeezing around your throat for a second before letting go, moving to hold onto your hip again as he let go of your hair to spread his palm back down your back. “Knew that you would take my dick like a dirty fucking slut if you wanted it.”

You whined again, louder and higher this time, the words going straight to your head as his hand slid down your ass and around front, finding its place between your legs to play with your clit. Smothering a cry against your arm again, your eyes began to water as your muffled begs were revealed when his hand on your hip grabbed your hair and pulled your head back again.

“I want to hear those sounds you make,” he grunted, hips snapping against your ass as his thrusts became quick and shallow. “Want to hear how sharp that pretty mouth really is.”

“Fuck, I’m close, please, fuck—” your words were bordering on incoherent moans, your vision might as well have been blind in the pleasure building to an impossible high, “please, faster, I—”

Joel’s fingers picked up the pace where they rubbed over your clit, finding the same motion from earlier that made your legs shake. You were barely able to hold yourself up, your hands scrambling for purchase on the countertop as he leaned over your back, his lips finding your ear, “Be a good slut and cum for me.”

Your vision blacked out, stars bursting behind your eyelids as your second orgasm flooded your senses. The pleasure from the release was so powerful, so overwhelming that you forgot everything for a moment other than the feeling of the man still fucking into you through your high.

Joel continued to murmur into your ear, panting softly as he praised you for how good you take him, the smooth rumble of his accent comforting as your awareness of your surroundings slowly came back to you.

For the first time since he began fucking you, you glanced back over your shoulder, eyes glazed over as you watched Joel lost in the pleasure of fucking you. His brow was furrowed, sweat beading on his forehead and dripping down the strong, hard lines of his face, contorted in the pleasure of a fast approaching orgasm as he struggled to keep his pace steady.

“Joel,” you murmured hoarsely, capturing his attention as he glanced at your face, his hips stuttering at your eye contact before quickly bucking into you with low grunts of exertion. “Let go.”

The simple command seemed to be all he needed as Joel’s head tossed back, his grunts turning into a long, low groan as his thrusts turned sloppy, bucking into you a couple times before quickly pulling out. His hand must have found his dick between your legs, hidden from your view, but you felt the warmth of his release coat your thighs as he panted heavily.

With the hard, wet sounds of sex now gone, the room was silent except for you both panting as you tried to catch your breath. You watched as Joel lifted his free hand, the one not covered in his own cum, to run through his hair.

“Fuck,” the curse was breathless, his chest heaving as he looked down at where he had spread your legs, bent you over your own counter and fucked you against it. “I—fuck.”

“Yeah,” your voice was hoarse from the sounds he had drawn from you, arms trembling as you turned around to try and push yourself up. “I agree.”

You heard the sound of Joel’s pants zipping back up, and you looked back again to see him looking towards the covered window over your sink, more light filtering through the curtains from a brightening sky as it transitioned from dawn to early morning outside.

“Shit, I—” he cleared his throat, grabbing the discarded towel that had been used to treat your burn to clean his hand of your combined release. “I have to go.”

“Oh,” you laughed breathlessly as you found your feet well enough to stumble over to where he had dropped the cloth to clean the mess between your own legs. “You’re gonna take my coffee, get a quick fuck and ride off into the sunrise?”

Joel didn’t answer right away, though you saw him tense from where he had walked over to the chair where he had draped his jacket.

“Look, this was—” he sighed, and you had to hold back a laugh as you began to realize just how bad he was at keeping a conversation. “I’m not sticking around here, and even if I was, I’m not—fuck, I’m not—”

“Joel,” you interrupted, tone light with amusement and the afterglow of a good fuck, the sound of it pulling his attention back to you as you grinned deviously at him.

You saw something click in his eyes as he squinted at you, and Joel sighed heavily. “You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”

A breathless laugh escaped your lips as you leaned down to grab your pants and pull them back up.

“Remember what I said?” you asked, to which he arched that goddamned eyebrow again.

“It was mostly incoherent moans,” Joel remarked dryly as he grabbed his jacket and pulled it back on, reaching a hand up to smooth over the curls you had messed up.

The words—a joke?—pulled a surprised laugh from your lips, swollen from when you had bitten into them. You crossed your arms over your chest, leaning back against the counter.

“I don’t give a shit what you do,” you reminded him as he moved to where he had left his supplies. He picked up the pack, looping his arms through it and looking back at you with a nod.

Despite your words, and how much you truly did believe them, you couldn’t resist the urge to follow him back to your front door, even with your shaky legs. You tilted your head back, meeting his stoic gaze with a small smirk as a reminder of what you had just done together, even as he seemed to be trying to move on already.

“Right, well…” Joel trailed off, looking down at you blankly before exhaling sharply, turning to open your door with a swift yank.

Your laughter echoed from behind him as he descended your porch steps back into the chilly air of a winter morning. Leaning against the doorframe, you couldn’t stop yourself from speaking before he was too far away that you would have to call out to him, not wanting to risk drawing the attention of anybody who might already be awake in Jackson.

“Safe travels, Joel Miller,” you drawled, eyes raking down the figure of the man who had just fucked you as he walked away. “Do try not to die, I really don’t want to have to deal with Tommy if you do.”

Joel didn’t look back at you, only lifting a hand in an ambiguous gesture that might have been a wave, might have been a middle finger, and you laughed again. You closed your door as he exited through your fence, unwilling to watch him leave until he was out of sight. That was too personal, and too fucking romantic.

But deep down, there was some part of you that really did hope Joel didn’t die on his trip to wherever he was going, though it wasn’t just for Tommy’s sake.

No matter how you tried to convince yourself otherwise.

[alchemicalnightshade]

I finished reading all 9 books of the Temeraire series recently - it took me 2-ish years because of reasons - and my main thoughts are that William Laurence and James T Kirk (from TOS) are pretty much the same character in different fonts.

Like, loyal and devoted ✅; but an absolute pain in the ass for their commanding officers because they refuse to compromise on their morals ✅; prize their duty to their ship/dragon as the highest mission in their lives ✅; absolutely ready at any moment to sacrifice themselves for their crew/blame themselves forevermore if one of their crew dies ✅; slightly sexist relationships to the women in the story because of the time in which the media is set/was created ✅ - hell, they're even both blond!

And Tenzing and Spock definitely bear more than a passing resemblance to each other: they're both split between cultures and never quite belong to one or the other, and face prejudice from both cultures as a result; they both have difficult family relationships (to put it mildly); and both of them have crazy amounts of backstory that only get dragged out of them when it is absolutely necessary. Their internal lives are also quite obscure, but that doesn't stop them showing up in the hero's hour of need with exactly the help that they need!

I'll leave you to ponder the implications of these parallels when K/S literally founded modern fandom culture by being so homoerotic - but I'm sure you get where I'm going with this...

All I'll say is that I'm not surprised that when I went to a talk by Naomi Novik and she spoke about the merits of fanfiction, she used Spock and Kirk (and TOS more broadly) as examples to illustrate her points - clearly they're on her mind a lot.

[ash5monster01]

Just The Way You Are

Pairing: Steve Harrington x FemReader!Tomboy/Mechanic

Warnings: fluff

Summary: Steve was used to girly girls, and maybe that’s why he noticed you, because you weren’t what he was used too. It surprises you both when you realize just how easily you work together in the end.

word count: 2k

Masterlist

Steve had been on hundreds of dates. Each time with a girl who loved small skirts, pink lip gloss, glittery eyeshadow, and Madonna. He was used to these girls, them all looking the same with their big hair, and pink clothes. So every time a girl like that walked into Family Video that fit the bill, he’d flirt, ask her out, and watch as she giggled cutely at his attempts. It was second nature by now and he had grown used to being attracted to these girls. You were different.

He noticed you the first Friday of his first week at the store. It was October and the first Friday night he had to sacrifice for the job. It had just turned to 5 o’clock and he had about thirty minutes until the store was swarmed with people looking for films to fill their weekends with. He stared out the windows, patiently awaiting the rush, when he saw you step out the mechanic shop across the street. You were walking straight for the store and he watched you the whole way. By the time you reached the building he got a better look.

Your hair was pulled back in a messy braid, stray hairs slipping out, but you didn’t seem to mind like most girls did. He could instantly tell he put more work into his hair than you did your own. You wore coveralls tied at your waist, leaving you in a white tank top that was splotched with grease just like your bare arms. He realized he had never seen a woman mechanic before. The only girly thing about you being the small silver chain that hung from your neck. You perused the shelves and his eyes dropped to your shoes, the black converse clearly worn in. A large hole on the side of the one, and he realized the shoes barely held themselves together. Yet he knew it wasn’t cause you couldn’t afford new, you just were comfortable, the shoes an extension of yourself.

“Anything new?” Your voice startled him, not expecting it to sound so sweet based on how you looked. His eyes left your shoes, looking up to meet your own as you held a copy of Indiana Jones.

“We just got Girls Just Want To Have Fun in, been hard to keep on the shelves” Steve suggested, used to giving girls the suggestion considering the minute it hit their shelves it had barely been in the store since. You gave him a dumbfounded look, amazed he would suggest something so girly to you. The minute he saw your face he realized he was wrong. “We also have Just One of The Guys”

You let out a bubbly laugh, straight from your belly, and Steve’s heart flipped over at how beautiful the sound was. You quickly set down the Indiana Jones copy and moved to the counter. “Ring it up”

“Really” he asked, surprised by such a reaction. You nodded, a grin still etched on your face.

“Sounds good, and it deserves a watch after giving me a laugh like that” Steve noted how beautiful your smile was, you didn’t need to be girly to prove that.

“Okay, I’ll grab it for you” he said and sauntered off to find it. Once he returned he had rung it up, you paid, and he informed you when it was due back.

“I’ll let you know how it was” you told him, smile still perched perfectly on your face. He nodded, a bit flustered from the interaction which he hadn’t expected.

And that was how it started. You returned that Friday, the movie in your hand, ready to exchange for another. You told him the movie was good and he should watch it himself. Which he did later that night, and every Friday since you had been back to return a tape and replace it with another. He had gotten to know you slowly, realizing you were just as interesting as any other girl, if not more. Because of this he didn’t understand how you were here every Friday night instead of out with friends or guys.

“Do you ever not watch movies on the weekend?” He asked as he rung up your latest choice. You rose your eyebrows at him, eyes shining in amusement.

“Nope, the only way I wouldn’t watch a movie on a Friday night is if I had a date. If you haven’t caught on by now, I don’t normally have dates” you quipped, joking about the subject lightly but Steve still felt his heart hurt for you. This life had to have some sense of loneliness.

“Do you think that might be because you hide out at home watching movies instead of going out and meeting people?” He teased back, not wanting to make you feel bad because he realized how sad your statement was.

“What about you Steve? Do you think hanging out with those little kids instead of going out might be the reason you work every Friday night instead of asking off?” Steve’s mouth gaped open, not sure how to respond as you grabbed your movie and left with a light chuckle.

After that you guys were close. He eagerly awaited your arrival every Friday, the brief interactions being the only thing to get him throughout the week. You’d tease him, he’d admire you, and then you’d leave, and he’d kick himself for not trying to make a move. The thing was he wasn’t sure how to considering you were so different from the girls he knew. He knew his lame flirting attempts wouldn’t make you giggle like it did to girls in floral dresses, it would probably just offend you.

He hadn’t realized how much you had become apart of his weekly routine until a Friday you finally didn’t show up. He waited and waited but you never came, your car missing from the mechanic shop across the street. Then he realized what it had meant and his stomach had dropped. You were on a date and it wasn’t with him. He was upset but still paid your late fee because he knew you’d return it to whoever was working in the morning.

As he closed the store he couldn’t keep his mind off of it. Going a week without seeing you kind of killed him. It also hurt to know that you said if you ever weren’t watching a movie on a Friday night, you were on a date, and for the first time he realized this wasn’t some weird attraction he couldn’t explain. He just really really liked you and had denied it because he thought he strictly liked the girly girl type. Maybe this whole time he was wrong, he could like you just the same, maybe even more. He spent too much time on his hair, what he wore, and you were carefree and just as beautiful, and maybe that was why he was attracted to you. So he went off to find you, remembering you once mentioned where you lived since your landlord was being a dick about fixing the sink in your kitchen.

The sight of your car parked outside made his heart rate pickup and he prayed your date wasn’t inside there with you. He pulled his car into park beside your own and quickly talked himself up. He didn’t normally get nervous around girls but he figured the ‘you look really pretty today?’ line would make you laugh like you did the first day you met. He shed his video store vest, throwing it in his passenger seat as he pushed open the car door and moved to approach your door.

Quickly he knocked before he could back out and in moments you had opened the door. For the first time ever he saw your hair perfectly in place, curls formed around the shape of your face. You wore jeans and a black blouse but your converse were still on your feet. Loyal as ever. His eyes had just caught the silver chain, laid above cleavage he had never seen as you gave him the sweetest confused look, mascara placed lightly on your eyes.

“Wow” he breathed out and you continued to stare at the video store boy in front of you.

“Steve, what are you doing here?” You had just gotten home, not yet torn the uncomfortable clothes off yet.

“You didn’t come in for a movie?” He muttered, mulling in the fact you looked so different, and he wasn’t sure he liked it.

“Yeah, I had a date” you said, pushing the door open as an invite as you walked back in, hand tugging through the stupid curls in your hair. Steve nervously stepped in, shutting the door behind him.

“Oh” he sighed out and you chuckled dryly as you pulled your shoes off. “How was it?”

“Terrible” you grumbled, not really wanting to discuss it. Steve felt his face fall, upset you didn’t have a good night at least.

“Why?” He found himself asking as you opened a door to what he assumed was your room. He watched as the lights flicked on and you began to speak, now out of his sight.

“Guy was a customer at the shop, he figured I just dressed the way I did for work. He wasn’t too happy when I showed up in jeans and sneakers. Thing was, he was lucky I even did my hair and put on a blouse. Hell I even have makeup on” you complained, the lights turning off in your room as you returned now in a large t-shirt and shorts. Your hair a bit messy but more fitting in a sense.

“That’s bullshit” he muttered and you nodded as you plopped down on your couch.

“Now why are you actually here Steve?” You asked and he awkwardly shifted to sit beside you on the couch, unsure how to explain his thought process.

“I’m not really sure, it’s just when you didn’t show up today I was kind of disappointed” you furrowed your brows, confused by what he meant as he said this.

“Weren’t you the one picking on me to go out on Friday nights?” You asked, surprised he even cared if you were there or not.

“Yeah, but I didn’t realize it would bother me then. I was jealous” your eyes widened as he said this, never expecting King Steve to have a crush on a girl like you.

“Jealous?” you questioned, wanting to confirm that you weren’t crazy and Steve was admitting his feelings.

“Yeah, it surprised me but I look forward to seeing you every week. You are pretty much the only reason I stay in that terrible store. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner, you were damn near the prettiest thing I ever saw that first day you came in-” You cut off Steve, your lips crashing onto his because you remembered that first day.

You hadn’t expected the newest employee to be one of the most popular and good looking guys in town. And there you were in coveralls and grease stains on your arms, and no chance you’d ever take that image out of his head. He would see you like every guy did, manly, and that threatened them. Yet hearing he thought you were beautiful, at your most comfortable and vulnerable state was something you didn’t realize you needed to hear until now.

It didn’t take long for Steve to react to the kiss, a natural when it came to acts of passion. Apparently calling you pretty ended up working after all. So his hand curled in your hair, pushing you closer to him. His mouth was hot, and you roamed it with your tongue, curling around his own. The small content hum he let out made you smile against the kiss. Soon you pulled back for air, keeping your forehead pressed against his own as your chest heaved into his.

“I didn’t expect that” he chuckled and you smiled wide, just like that first day in the store. Beautiful without trying.

“Neither did I” you told him and he smiled at you, content with the fact that kissing you felt just right.

“Also fuck that guy, you’re the best looking girl I’ve ever seen and you don’t have to paint your face with makeup to prove that” and you kissed him again, because only Steve Harrington had made you feel like the most perfect girl in the world.