whatcannotbesaid-shallbewept

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Alicent Hightower

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Sorry I've rewatched it and I'm so basic.

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Genderswaps usually make characterisation more intriguing, but Female Light Yagami is so fucking good guys. Can't get over it

You get the first side of Lights character, all the internal drives (deep need to avoid boredom, ruthless ambition and competiveness, pride, arrogance and general belief that you're better than the rest of humanity)

And the second - the deep desire to be seen as good. A good person, a good son/daughter, good at school, good at work, etc. And that desire extends to social situations too. Like, Light's whole outward personality is "lovable, sweet and kind to everyone". And the emotional labour women are expected to do to fulfill those requirements is a lot more intense than men (women can be seen as being bitchy for extremely minor things)

There's just like a lot going on when you take a character who's whole deal is "i try to externally succeed at every social expectation i get" and then completely change the social expectations. Now her intense pride is in conflict with a world constantly trying to degrade her. And it all leads to a character with a lot of inherent complexity and deeply wierd beliefs

She'd hate being objectified and men with a burning passion.

She'd also have a strong belief she's better than other women because she's not as subversient to men. Also probably hate women for other very gendered reasons. Maybe resent herself a little, too. The internalised misogyny is so strong its choking her.

Like canon Light Yagami, she'd ruthlessly try to conform to any social (and gender) standards she can. Unfortunately like in canon, she's already failed from day one, because she's not interested in any form of heterosexuality.

Unlike canon, her ruthless ambition and chronic overachiever disease already sets her apart from what she's "supposed to be". These traits were celebrated in canon!light but not with the genderswap. The implication throughout her life is that her future "husband and children" are seen as much more important.

Anyway, while Light has a whole internal conflict about this, there's also genderswapped L. Who doesn't give a fuck about any of this, rightfully so, and spends her life as the smartest detective in the world.

"Not caring what other people think" has literally never been an option for "people must see me as a perfect all the time" Light Yagami so she resents L and at the same time is extremely jealous.

And also the now obvious, extremely intense lesbian desire. That's also there too...

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The queen of the damned herself for Day 7: Queen of Hearts🫀

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if you say that everyone in rent should’ve just gotten a job i’m gonna beat you up with a shovel

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I CANNOTT DEAL WITH THIS SITE ANY LONGER

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inspired by this post (i'll probably change my mind on half of these placements in five minutes)

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Light saying hes bored is often a throwaway line when compared to his pursuit of justice but I can’t help but feel like it seeds all of his actions.

he's bored. He stares out the window in class and yet gets perfect scores. He played tennis for years then quit after winning consecutive titles. He throws himself head over heels for a goal that keeps his mind busy 24/7 until suddenly hes in a cafe with misa with those same dead eyes that stared out of the window and realises he’s bored again without L. He accepts L’s challenge with a fervour we rarely see again and he drowns himself in challenges and tests and games and searching searching playing and for the first time in years feels something real and when he plays tennis again this time he works until he sweats and tells L that he hasn’t had to try this hard in years and I don’t think he just meant tennis. And when L tells him it’ll be lonely he doesn’t believe it because he’s convinced himself the satiation of his boredom came from saving the world but it didn’t, it never did, it came from having an immovable object to counter his unstoppable force and having to push back against a world that seemed to always let him walk through.

he’s bored and he’s lonely and nothing he’s done has lasted long enough to change that because it’s in his nature to perfect and tweak until there aren’t any flaws left to notice. It’s how he acts, his mask.

he wants to struggle because he wants to feel alive because he wants to amount to something and maybe when he’s something he won’t be bored.

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hiii <3 9, 26, 41 for movie asks!!

9 - guilty pleasure

Probably the trashy 80s anime movies that have awesome animation. I guess I'll assign this ask to Demon City Shinjuku

26 - movie that made you think most about your life

Definitely forgetting something, for now I'll just say Brief Encounter

41 - three movies you think are classics

Princess Mononoke, Sound of Music and... Clueless. Yeah.

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"To being an us for once, instead of a them." - Jonathan Larson

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everything rots

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appreciation of death note's official art: gothic influence, biblical / religious imagery, intricate backgrounds, abstract but thoughtful compositions, influence of vkei, gothic lolita and other alternative fashions, dramatic - reminds me of classical baroque paintings, death imagery (obviously).

for a story centered around abstract mental battles, it was remarkable how the artist anchored it in a tangible, recognizable aesthetic, giving it a sense of materiality

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Death Note is about the extremes of exhilaration and despair. It's about addiction. It's about the deep fear of being a bad person, of not being what you're supposed to be. It's about how attempts to escape petty boredom will be masked as justice. It's about the masks we wear and the roles we play, and that they don't mean anything, but we still can't give them up. It's about how pointless tragedies are. It's about trying to escape human limitations at any cost, but never managing to. Because despite it all you're still afraid of death, you still love, and you were always going to lose eventually. It's about how you will sacrifice every part of yourself in service of a goal that doesn't benefit you at all. For no good reason.

Death Note is about being seen by someone else for the first time ever, and physically recoiling, because the lies you tell yourself have to be true, and if you don't cling to your own flaws what else will you have left? It's about how, to humans, the idea of admitting you're wrong - about yourself or the world - feels like a threat worse than a death. Whether it's about your sham relationship, your fake ideology, or the suspect that's been cleared already.

You could've just let it go. You should've just let it go. But, you didn't. Well, you're only human. What else were you going to do? By the way, none of it meant anything. There's no heaven or hell waiting for you. Yeah, you couldn't live without your self appointed meanings, but all it got you was an early death. Was it worth it?

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Never becoming a fan or liking anything else ever again, the humiliation is just too much