#both of them are so messy and make such bad decisions and i'm living for it <3 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pinkscaped · 5 months ago

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⌗ HEADLINES ! HEADLINES !

A mini collection of headlines that made The Pinkscape stand still. Content warning for Age Gap Relationships, Slut Shaming, and Employee x Boss Relationships!

POSTED : MAY 23RD 2024.

Hide your moms! Finn Lee was spotted making out with veteran idol and second-gen icon Myrah Yamazaki on the balcony of the Mydol building. It's alleged that the pair were at a company party, celebrating the acquirement of DeepDive's contract from Flowerbank Entertainment, when the pair went outside to smoke together. A fan, who might or might not be a stalker that doesn't matter here, caught the pair "kissing passionately" on the balcony after talking for a few minutes.

Though Mydol has released no official statement, Myrah posted on her blog about the photos, stating:

"I know I only post on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Sundays, and it's a Friday, but I just want to say that I DID kiss that guy, and it shouldn't matter. I kiss a lot of guys my age, not my age, older, younger, whatever. I kiss a lot of men because I want to, and I am nearly forty. Apologies for kissing your bias or whatever but leave me alone. He's not hard to kiss so go find him and kiss him yourself. TTYL xoxo, Myrah."

Many girl group stans found this statement empowering, while DeepDive stans found it offensive to Finn, who has remained silent on the issue. "She could've not called him a ran through whore like that," Twitter user "kiwowsussy" posted. "She's a loser I do not get y'alls obsession 😭" User "l8rbaebi" said in the quotes of the original article. This pairing seemed to cause a lot of commotion on Twitter and Instagram, many fans flooding both Myrah and Finn's comments with demands for an apology or pleas for them to break up.

To which, Finn simply replied with these Instagram stories:

Though it's still debated if the pair are officially dating or not, fans have seemed to calm down due to the very blunt statements of, and I quote, not giving a fuck.

POSTED : JUNE 3RD 2024.

Controversy follows Jung Yoonah wherever she goes. We were all there for when the infamous photobooth Jinah pics were posted to the Mydol Family Twitter. If you don't remember, here's a refresher:

Whichever intern posted that was obviously fired because the incident not only caused the tweet's deletion but also Mydol to release an official statement, threatening legal action if anyone makes "defamatory remarks about staff or artists" which we know Son Jinhwa is not above doing when you say something he doesn't like.

What was shocking was the 20-minute explanation video Jung Yoonah would go on to upload on her personal channel. In the video she's sitting on her bed room floor, providing her perspective on the entire situation as well as some insight on the infamous trial between her and Son Jinhwa in 2023.

"I think it's beneficial for everyone to know the truth. I did not want to leave Angelico, I did not want to sue Jinhwa or press charges against him, and I do not believe he is a bad person, which is why I took the first chance to sign with him again. All of those decisions were made for me by people who didn't and still don't care what I have to say. I never wanted to go to trial, but I'm dealing with its ramifications every day. I'm tired of it." Yoonah would start the video off guns a blazing, later going on to name-drop Lee Iseul, Carmen Bae, and former Venus member Bliss as the main people making these choices for her, which caused a massive stir online.

"With all the sincerity in my heart, please stop treating me like a child. I have had people make the most basic of decisions for me my entire life, and I would greatly appreciate it if everyone let me do what I want. I'm twenty-five years old. Let me live my life even if you don't like how I'm living it, please." This plea would cause a debate on whether or not Yoonah is capable of making her own decisions, her messy past of substance abuse, toxic relationships, and mental illness being brought up by fans and detractors alike.

While the video proved to be controversial, it got her point across and even had constellations trending #WELOVEYOUBAEBI across various platforms, which Yoonah responded to by posting an Instagram story of a black screen with a single "thank you 🤍" in the center of it. Despite this support, many are still worried about Yoonah's well-being under the management of Son Jinhwa, who was found guilty of assaulting the idol last March.

The worries seem to have fallen on deaf ears.

POSTED : DECEMBER 3RD 2023.

Son Roan, the magnetic CEO of Angelico Entertainment, was recently seen on what seemed to be a date with Yoomi, once the central figure and lead dancer of Lunarix. However, Yoomi's recent demotion by Mydol Entertainment has led many to question her abilities and intentions.

Born in 2001, Yoomi is ten years younger than Roan, who was born in 1991. Despite her youth, she has struggled to captivate the public. Both fans and critics have noted her lack of exceptional talent and her abrasive demeanor. Her appearance, which some consider average by K-pop standards, hasn't significantly boosted her popularity. This has fueled speculation that her association with Roan might be an attempt to gain attention rather than a genuine relationship.

Roan, renowned for his professionalism and keen business insight, swiftly addressed the circulating rumors. "We are merely close acquaintances," he clarified, adding, "I would never date an artist currently or formerly under my management." This statement seemed aimed at avoiding the kind of controversy that has long overshadowed his cousin, Son Jinhwa—CEO of Mydol Entertainment—who is notorious for dating younger women within his label.

Despite Roan's reassurances, public skepticism persists. Yoomi’s frequent appearances, often perceived as attention-seeking stunts, only serve to mar Roan’s otherwise stellar reputation. Her failure to secure a stable position within Lunarix has led many to question her true motives. Is she genuinely interested in Roan, or is this just another attempt to remain in the spotlight despite her waning popularity?

As the head of Angelico Entertainment, Roan has established himself as a figure of integrity and respect in the industry. It’s unfortunate that he is now caught up in this controversy, probably due to Yoomi's relentless pursuit of attention. His assertion that their relationship is strictly platonic should be sufficient to dispel the rumors, but Yoomi's controversial past makes it difficult to dismiss the suspicions entirely.

Roan works tirelessly to uphold his reputation as a respected figure in the industry, but Yoomi's relentless pursuit of fame consistently brings unwanted attention. The publc can only hope that Roan remains unaffected by this problematic association, so he can continue leading Angelico Entertainment with the same dignity and competence he has always shown.

At the moment, it appears that Roan is unjustly associated with his cousin's notorious actions due to Yoomi's frantic schemes. We can only hope that this will be a brief chapter in what will otherwise be a remarkable career for Son Roan.

POSTED : JUNE 6TH 2024.

Seoul's entertainment circles are buzzing with the latest news about Ahn Youngeun, the luminous actress and expecting mother, who was seen alone grocery shopping without her engagement ring. The missing sparkling diamond has ignited a wave of rumors concerning her relationship status with Son Jinhwa, the contentious CEO of Mydol Entertainment.

Son Jinhwa is no stranger to controversy, often making headlines for his eyebrow-raising behavior and tendency to date much younger female artists. However, last year he surprised everyone by announcing his engagement to Youngeun, the first woman his own age that he's publicly been involved with. Since then, their relationship has been closely scrutinized, and with the recent news of Youngeun's pregnancy, even more attention has been drawn to them. This new development has only intensified the public's curiosity and speculation.

At 32 years old, Youngeun was spotted without her engagement ring and in casual attire, causing speculation among fans and observers about the state of her high-profile relationship. However, when asked about it, Youngeun promptly shut down the rumors by clarifying that they are still planning to get married. She explained that she is currently pregnant and sometimes struggles with swelling, making wearing jewelry uncomfortable. She also emphasized her love for Jinhwa and how hurtful these rumors can be to her.

Son Jinhwa, 45, quickly came to his fiancée's defense. He shared a heartfelt photo from their maternity shoot on social media, captioned with "I love my wife," demonstrating their solidarity amidst the rampant rumors.

Although the couple has released statements to dispel the rumors, the public is still divided. Son's notorious history of objectifying his artists for financial gain and his controversial dating past have cast doubts on the authenticity of their relationship. Additionally, Youngeun's pregnancy and the significant age gap between them only add more complexity to the ongoing drama.

Is this merely a minor setback for the famous duo, or is something deeper at play? Time will reveal whether Youngeun and Jinhwa can withstand the turmoil and silence their critics. For now, the pair appears resolute in staying united, with or without a ring.

POSTED : JUNE 1ST 2024.

After being caught with Jung Juyeon, the failed actor turned dedicated fansite, Chloe Lee, the main vocalist of Venus, this past winter, she gave a somber apology via the Flowerbank official Youtube channel which has now been deleted.

With her hair in a low pontail, natural makeup, and a black turtle neck Chloe would stare somberly in the camera and lament how sorry she was for "abusing her power" and that "she was blinded by love" when falling for CozyChloe AKA Jung Juyeon. "I deeply regret my actions and hope you all can forgive me. I'm no longer seeing Juyeon and will begin seeing a therapist to help me with my behavior."

Yeah, all that was a lie.

On a recent URIDOL, the exclusive platform for Mydol artists, live stream Chloe would share a photobooth photo of her and none other than Lee Juyeon.

"I thought you guys broke up. No. Never. We're still in a relationship and have been even after that bullshit video," Chloe would respond to a comment with a proud grin on her face, "You guys didn't seriously believe that video, did you? I was never sorry. Iseul is just a bitch. That entire video was scripted...I should do more acting, shouldn't I?" She'd shrug her shoulders with a beaming smile.

This clip would go viral, sparking discussions of how we don't really know our idols and shouldn't trust anything put out by companies. Chloe would be scrutinized on social media for this, but only for a short amount of time, as her fans acted like the army, striking down any account that dared to speak ill of her, resulting in a whopping 52 accounts getting suspended.

Chloe would comment on the matter by posting a photo of her and Juyeon on a frozen yogurt date with a "😙" emoji, clearly unbothered.

We wish Juyeon luck.

POSTED : MARCH 13TH 2024

Angelina Choi lost the long-standing defamation lawsuit between her and Son Jinhwa, owing him an outstanding 20.7 billion won as well as a public apology, which she believed the same day she was publicly fired from her job at The Daily Idol, who also had to pay Jinhwa in damages.

"THE THING ABOUT JINHWA. The worst-kept secret in the idol industry." Was published September 6th, 2023 amid a nasty legal battle between him and Jung Yoonah AKA Baebi. This article weighed heavy allegations of grooming, pedophilia, and physical assault against Son Jinhwa, primarily focusing on the testimony from Kim Misun, an idol and estranged mother of his child. Misun would also be found guilty of defaming Jinhwa, though Jinhwa would not require her to pay him any damages, only asking for an apology behind closed doors.

Despite the jury and courts ruling in his favor, the public is split. The police records of Son Jinhwa's violence are undeniable, and the paternity of his son is also undeniable, but since the article's release, Misun has refused to release a statement. Though she didn't release a statement, her mother did, siding with Jinhwa and calling her daughter a liar. "Jinhwa never touched that girl. Those pictures are nothing more than a mentor and a mentee. She was always desperate for attention. I never thought she'd go this far. He's a good man who was good to her."

Following the verdict, Jinhwa says, "The jury gave me my life back." The public celebrates this, while Angelina Choi and Misun are shunned. Petitions to remove Misun from her group, Haute Pink, would reach over 100,000 signatures, and the group's Instagram page would be flooded with death threats and hate comments.

Flowerbank stood strong behind Misun, threatening legal action against those who slander their artist. "We believe Misun and stand firmly behind her throughout this heartbreaking verdict." But Misun, as usual, remained silent and will be absent from public appearances with her group until further notice.

Jinhwa walks a free man with a clean slate.

#ི᭨ᩧྀ LORE #fictional idol community #idol au #idol oc #oc kpop group #kpop oc #kpop au #bts addition #fake kpop oc #fictional idol group #kpop addition #kpop fanfic #oc girl group #idolverse #fake kpop girl group #fake kpop idol #stray kids addition

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panda-writes-kpop · 9 months ago

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What does a demon and a function have in common? (You can test both of their limits!) - l. yb.

a/n: happy dami day! i know the timeline of this fic is messy, but just pretend that it's all okay and I will too :) also I wrote this because I was trying to understand my feelings as an aroace person towards love and I'm still really confused... but at least we got a good fic out of it! ❤️

tw: demons, undefined magic, lots of mentions of death, implied aroace! reader, a bit of religious trauma

word count: 2.6k

summary: you're in distress over your math homework and the pretty demon that helps you with it, and you're reluctant to let your heart do the talking since it ended pretty badly for your friend and her demon companion.

related fics: Demon! SuA - Tainted Love

♡ Masterlist ♡

You shouldn't do this.

You glare at the leather-bound book in front of you as you furiously erase another answer from your sheet of scratch paper. The book was a gift from a friend, one that had struggled with a demonic relationship before.

You hadn't heard from them in a year and a half, and from what you heard from mutual friends, they weren't doing too well. Although you weren't positive that the book was bad news, you had never seen your friend so desperate to remove an object from their grasp.

After doing a bit of research, you realized that it was a cursed tome. There were seven different markings on the cover, which meant that seven different demons were tied to the book. Luckily, only one had been released when your friend had opened the book.

Now, you had to be the one to safeguard it. To make sure that no one would ever be hurt by the book again.

But, as you stare at your Calculus homework, you realize that you have no idea what you're fucking doing. And at 10 p.m. the night before an exam, the tutoring center is closed and the professor is probably counting sheep while their students are stressing out.

You're well aware that it's a stupid, very dumb, unintelligent idea to open a cursed book in order to understand Calculus, but what other choice do you have? Do you fail this exam then fail the class, which would put you a year behind?

What would your peers say?

What would your family say?

A shiver down your back, from the looming threat of parental disappointment, causes you to drop your pencil and reach for the book. Your hand gently traces the seven etchings on the cover, and you notice that one isn't filled in with color.

The demon that took my friend away.

You really shouldn't be doing this.

You think about the laundry list of concepts that you have to master by 10 a.m. tomorrow, and your decision has never been easier.

I'd rather stick my hand in an open flame than do another problem with no help.

When you open the book, you realize that you're blissfully unaware of how to summon a demon. Do you say a bunch of random words in Latin? Do you do a little hand motion? Do you need an offering?

You decide that your best option at summoning a demon that won't smite you immediately is to plead with the book.

Because desperate never goes out of style.

“Listen, I don't know who I'm talking to, if I'm even talking to anyone in the first place. I'm having a problem. …Well, it's not a ‘the fate of the world rests in your hands’ type of problem, but I still could use some help.”

An orange trail of smoke leaves the book in your hands and swirls like a tornado in an empty spot in your living room. Objects start flying around because of the tailwind, and you have to duck before you take a pencil to the eyeball.

“Who knew Calculus homework could be deadly?” You joke as you try to not think about the magnitude of the situation that you're in. You haven't even met the demon yet, and the smoke that it creates(?) it is trying to kill you.

Not a good sign.

Once your apartment is messy enough for your demon of choice, the book in your hands shuts itself as the orange smoke starts to dissipate.

You set the book aside as you gawk at the woman- no, demon that stands in your living room.

She's dressed in all black, ready to go to a funeral.

You just have to hope that it's not yours.

“How can I assist you?” She softly asks in a semi-uninterested voice.

“I need help with Calculus.” You blurt out as she clocks her head at you.

“I beg your pardon?”

This demon was exceptionally smart, which was good for your tired, mortal mind. She also didn't kill you on the spot - a good thing, you assume, unless the murder is waiting for you on the other side of the Calculus homework.

She was taken aback by your request, staring at you in utter surprise until she joined your side and helped you with your homework.

Her voice was gentle and smooth, and you would've fallen asleep if you weren't thinking about being killed in your sleep.

“Thanks.” You rub your eyes as you set the pencil down as you check your phone for the time.

You're proud of yourself for putting your phone on dark mode (you've flash-banged yourself in the past, it's a one time mistake) as you realize that it's only one in the morning. With a few hours of sleep and a large container of your favorite caffeinated drink, you'd be fine for your exam.

“Is that all you needed? …A bit of guidance with math?” The woman sitting beside you is in disbelief as you nod your head.

“Is there something wrong with that?” You joke, momentarily forgetting that she's a demon.

“Forgive me, but the people who usually hold the tome are more demanding… and a lot less cute.”

“Okay, back into the book you go.” You toss the book her way before trying to hide her embarrassment.

She chuckles softly before running her fingers over the spine.

“You have no idea how any of this works, right?”

“Uh-huh.” You nod your head before starting to put your school stuff away.

“Right, right.” Her eyes meet yours for a moment. “Dami.”

“Huh?” You tilt your head at her, but she snaps her fingers and disappears with the book in an instance.

Well, that damn book is out of my sight and I now have a chance to pass my Calc exam. I'll take that as a win-win.

You don't remember climbing into bed last night (this morning? The days are blending together at this point).

Before leaving your apartment, you say a small prayer before grabbing your pick-me-up of choice from the fridge. You might have this exam on lock.

As you walk to class, you recite Calculus formulas in your head. Partial derivatives swirl around your mind along with the thought of the mysterious woman.

Dami?

She's not a directional derivative, so you should focus on something else.

You, at least, had the demon situation under control.

This semester, you officially renounced your academic weapon status; instead, you were an academic victim. Although you most definitely messed up the first problem (why do all of the problems have the same wording yet completely different solutions?), you had the rest of it down.

Your confidence evaporated when the two classmates behind you started discussing their answers and got completely different answers to you.

Maybe another semester here wouldn't be so bad?

“You did fine.”

You jump as your eyes lock with the demon from the night before.

“Sorry, sorry.” You apologize to the two people behind you as you step to the side to speak with Dami. “I like your confidence in me, and I wish I had a fraction of it for myself.”

“There's nothing wrong with having a little pride.” She shrugs as the doors to the lecture hall open.

“Well, at least there's another exam a few weeks after spring break.” Ryujin shrugs before closing the door and walking towards you. “How'd the exam go for you?”

“It was okay.” You softly shrug as you glance between Dami and Ryujin.

“You're too humble for how smart you are.” Ryujin scoffs before turning to Dami. “You new here?”

“I'm just visiting someone.” Dami winks at you, and your eyes avert her gaze afterwards.

Ryujin sighs before adjusting her backpack and clearing her throat.

“They're not interested in guys or girls…. or anyone, for that matter.”

You playfully smack Ryujjn's shoulder before she pretends to be in extreme pain from the hit.

“It's not an absolute thing. I'll know if there's someone I'm interested in.” You nonchalantly say as Ryujin checks her smart watch.

“Oh shit, I've got class in fifteen minutes halfway across campus. See ya!” Ryujin waves to you both before offering a nod to Dami. “Nice to meet you.”

She runs off in another direction as your attention turns to Dami.

“Why are you here, if you don't mind me asking?”

“I haven't been out of that book for centuries. I just wanted to see how humans lived.” Dami folds her arms before walking to you. “The world is so much different… better, if you ask me.”

“You're not like any demon I've heard of.” You blurt out before biting your tongue. “Sorry, that's probably really mean to say-”

“It's okay, and to be honest, I'd be surprised if I was like any other demon that you met. Not all demons fall from the sky, you know.”

It's been three hours, and you're still trying to come to terms with the fact that Dami’s a fallen angel. Who says that to someone after only two interactions with them?

Dami, apparently, because she's been watching you like a hawk as you sit across from her in the campus library.

“You think of me differently, don't you?”

You don't look up from your computer as you tap your pencil against the desk three times.

Click. Click. Click.

“I don't.” You calmly say before writing an equation in your notebook. “I should be honest with you, though, since you were honest with me. It's only fair.”

You pause for a moment as Dami folds her arms and leans against the chair. She's trying to remain cool, but a small twitch in her left eye tells you that she's more interested than she appears to be.

It's cute.

“I had a friend who summoned a demon from that book… I don't know her name, and I don't want to. She ruined my friend’s life, Dami.” You explain your friend’s story, going through agonizing detail as told through their family and other friends.

You have to pause once to wipe your tears, and Dami offers a comforting hand as the other drops to her side. You, albeit hesitantly, take it.

She should be cold like ice- undead, unfeeling. But there's some sort of warmth in her touch that can't be explained by the hellfire that she resides in.

Perhaps she's already gotten attached to you. You feel it too, you want to trust her. Can you, though?

She hasn't torn your arm off yet, so you're starting off on the right foot.

Trauma dumping counts as bonding, right?

You bite your lip before shaking your head, feeling the uncertainty of everything crash against you. What are you doing, trusting a demon that hurt someone that you care deeply about?

I can't do this.

“I should go.” You pull your hand out of her grasp as you quickly try to pack your things up. “I'm sorry, I'm probably shit-talking one of your friends that you've known for centuries.”

As you reach for your pencil, Dami grabs your wrist.

“I can't promise that I'm a ‘good’ demon or person,” She softly exhales before looking in your eyes, “but I won't betray you. Not now. Not ever.”

Something pounds, but it's not your head, swimming from the thoughts of your friends and the demon in front of you.

It comes from deep inside you, a feeling that you thought would be forever foreign to you. A magical feeling that “normal” people got to feel. The thing that makes them human, after all.

Your heart pounds.

This isn't you. You need to leave. Now.

Without exchanging another word, you run off into the afternoon light. You know she might follow you, but you hope she'll give you some space.

I hope she doesn't hate me.

You need to get a grip, and fast, before you rock the boat that's been steadily keeping you afloat for years.

Five hours. That's the longest you can last in a little internet cafe before you put your tail between your legs and head home. You know Dami will be there, and you don't want to sleep on a park bench, so home it is.

Will she be mad at me?

Who cares? You're not in love with her, you just like her.

As a friend.

As someone you can hang out with.

Someone to share secrets with.

Friends can kiss, right?

You've known her for less than twenty-four hours. You need to find where your sense of reality has gone and reclaim it before you head into your apartment.

But the key is already in your hand.

Your feet walk up the stairs without your brain telling them to.

You unlock your apartment door to see someone quietly sitting on your couch - the same spot where she helped you with your math homework.

Your stomach and heart fill with dread as you slowly take off your shoes.

She's been kind to you, and you ran off because you were upset about your own feelings.

You felt like a petulant child.

“I'm sorry for running off. I got upset thinking about my friend, and I should have talked through my feelings like a fucking adult. You're not like the other demon, just as I'm not like my friend. Feeling trapped by someone else’s opinions of you is rough,” You toss the keys on the counter before shedding your coat, “trust me, I know.”

Dami looks back to you, and the moonlight casts her in an angelic glow - she was ethereal and you didn't doubt that she was once an angel. You'd be more surprised if she wasn't one of God’s favorites.

Why was she here, instead of in the sky?

You don't want to pry, but Dami’s the first one to walk towards you.

“I was worried about you,” She softly admits, “a demon, a former angel, a creature much older than you could comprehend, was worried about the safety of a mortal.”

When she is close enough for you to reach out for her, she reaches out her hand.

“I'm not an evil demon or a perfect angel. But I can promise you-”

“I think I like you.” The words spill out of your lips before you can truly think about what you're saying. “I mean, of course I like you, but it's not how I've liked anyone before. I like Ryujin as a friend, she's nice to me and we get lunch sometimes. But you… you're different. And being different scares me. It's not just because you're a demon, it's who you are. It wouldn't matter if you were a demon, angel, or human because I'd still feel the same way.”

You pause to take a breath.

“I'm not normal, and I'm probably not like any human you've met. I don't want a traditional romance with a wedding or kids. I don't want physical intimacy with someone who won't appreciate me. Hell, I don't even know if I want a partner half of the time. The only thing I know,” You take her hand before pulling Dami closer, “is that I want you to be by my side. As a friend or as something more. Whatever we will be, I know we'll figure it out together.”

“I want you by my side as well.” She softly mutters as you place your forehead against hers.

You're both quiet as you envelope yourselves in the serene environment that you've created.

“So, do I meet your devilish friends now, or do I have to take you to dinner first?”

Dami laughs warmly before pulling you close to her.

“Whatever you want.”

You're in deep. She has in her talons sunk deep under your skin, in less than a day.

She could betray you.

You had to learn how to trust her.

And in time, you will.

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hugintheraven · 5 days ago

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The Dallon-Hawke Torment Nexus

So @kyliafanfiction was discussing a Dragon Age: Inquisition playthrough as Amy, and that started me thinking about porting the Dallon family into the other DA games. Specifically the family-focused tragedy that's my favorite entry in the series, DA2.

So, the obvious first: Victoria Hawke is the Champion of Kirkwall. She's the hero, the one who takes charge and that people look to in a crisis. If she's pretty sure that's fake, that no one can or should trust her with any authority no matter how good she is at crushing people with her shield, well, that's basically just the standard Hawke character development slightly early.

Amy is her sister, adopted out of the Kocari Wilds. Victoria didn't inherit her father's magic, but the little wildling they picked up because they couldn't let her starve had enough power for all of them. She's been pushed heavily into healing, since her mother Carol was scared of her using her power for anything offensive and was paranoid about blood magic. I'm keeping the obsessive crush on Victoria, of course, and the mess that implies.

Mark is their father. Slight change from canon, I'm making him the one who dies fleeing the Blight. He's neglected his magic beyond what it took to teach Amy(and he skimped on that out of respect for his wife), and he's also just tired(meaning pre-industrial clinically depressed) from decades of running and hiding. When the darkspawn attack, Victoria tries to hold them off. When she goes down, Amy rushes in to help her. And then Mark blows himself and every Darkspawn in the area up to save them, a glorious sacrifice that Carol adds to the list of things she blames Amy for. And Amy blames herself for. And Victoria blames herself for. (We'll leave Maquis Flemeth for later)

And of course Carol is the daughter of a rich family who ran off with the love of her life and found a life founded on love is harder than you'd like. She LIKES the Chantry and their rules, she just doesn't think they should apply to her and her family(except maybe Amy). After all, Mark is a good man, why should he be locked up? Clearly he can hold off the demons with just a bit of willpower. Why do mages act like it's so hard?

So they're happy(well, miserable) in Lothering, the Blight happens, they flee, Mark dies, they arrive in Kirkwall. They're expecting the Pelham side of the family to welcome them with open arms, but they're a military family and most of Carol's relatives died when a nearby route to the Deep Roads opened up. Bad luck for the family, and if it was the decisions of Knight-Commander Colin Wallis, who always distrusted the Pelham family's political and military power, who just happened to put those specific units on the front lines, well, the only Pelham left to complain is the disgraced son Mike, who hated his family anyway after his girlfriend's death in the line of fire a few years after Carol left with the love of her life. And he certainly no longer has the money to bring his family of refugees(or even just Carol and Victoria, an option discussed by Carol in front of her daughters) into the city. Thus forcing the daughters into work on the wrong side of the law for the first time in their straight-laced (though fugitive) lives.

Not sure where we go from there. Kaiser is the Arishok, clearly, and Mayor Roy Christner is the Viscount. I think rather than make the Undersiders or Wards the various companions, we should split them up and give Victoria a messy-ass group gathered from everyone since that's what happened to Hawke. And I mostly won't bother labeling them.

That said, Tattletale is Varric, the information broker/budding crimelord who talks her way into and out of trouble, and every interaction with Victoria is her both tempting Victoria into crime and making Victoria question every decision she's made in her life that led her to thinking this is a good idea. Which makes Grue the one who steals the idol and traps everyone in the Deep Roads, though he's doing it BECAUSE he has a family(sister) to support.

We keep Amy being in love with her sister, and she resorts to blood magic to save her. I'm torn here. The thing from both canons would be to have Amy locked up in the Circle, but that means no Amy being tortured and weird around Victoria and fewer options for fun things involving Maquis/Flemmeth. In a true AU, I think the Templars lock her up, but spitballing it's much more fun if Amy sticks around until endgame, and finds herself using blood magic basically constantly because Victoria keeps dragging them into dangerous situations where, really, it's the only logical choice.

(I also have a scene in my head of them in the Fade, a Lust Demon talking to Amy about "I'll give you what you want most" with Victoria's voice/face, Amy panicking because obviously everyone will know now, and instead Tattletale knows but suspected already, everyone else assumes that's about Amy missing her sister who's always too busy for her these days(clearly that family has issues), and Victoria assuming that "Obviously the demon looks like me to me because I have too high an opinion of myself, gee I wonder what Amy sees while it's flirting with her". Everyone walks out of there with a very skewed opinion of what happens and it takes months to work out that the others aren't just being polite.)

Carol of course eventually dies at the hands of a lone serial killer, which crushes Victoria and Amy who no matter how they felt about her, now can't ever really express those feelings to her and get closure.

For the ending, I'm not sure whether we make Taylor Anders/Justice or not. I feel like Taylor is the sort to willingly become an abomination with a good spirit to save people, but I can't see her blowing up a church.

And because of that and other confusion, I'm calling it here. There's a lot to consider if I wanted to do any more with this, and I also really don't want to write it, so I'm throwing this into the world. I fully expect I at least will be trying to map SOMEONE onto Fenris on my drive to work tomorrow and I want to share that joy with all y'all. Have fun!

#parahumans #wormblr #Dragon Age #Dragon Age 2 #hugin writes #Not really but just in case I want to find this again

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babybluebex · 2 years ago

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Bex!! Bex I beg of you to write more priest!Jamie and his little lamb, I'm thinking maybe they're getting farther into their relationship, they might get married close (idk how catholicism works on that), maybe it's their wedding night or he proposed and she worships him as her god? - @this-was-bad-sorry

YES darling, sorry for this taking so long to come out but omg i love these two cw oral f!recieving, overstim, religious themes, power imbalance, jamie's god complex is... intense lol | series masterlist

The hickies faded after three days, and Jamie proposed on Friday morning.

You hardly saw him at all in the days leading up to Friday, as was your mother’s doing. She heavily protested you and Jamie’s relationship, and all but forbid you from seeing him again, and you had put your foot down and declared that nothing could stop you. “I’m an adult, and I can make my own decisions!” you said. “And Jamie is kind and thoughtful, and he’s— He’s a man of God, he wouldn’t do anything bad to me!”

“Then what about those marks on your neck?” she asked. “If he didn’t make them, then what happened? You walked into a private meeting with him looking normal, then walked out looking like— Like— Like a whore!”

Anger flashed in your chest. There was no defending what you and Jamie had done, because even you knew that premarital sex went against the church’s teachings, and there was no hiding it; when you had gotten home, you saw just exactly what he had done, marks on your neck and your messy hair and walking a bit uneven on shaky legs. It was obvious that he had fucked you, but you could do without the shame from your mother. “Mom,” you started. “I’m not gonna fight with you on this. He knows what he’s doing, and, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have started anything with me.”

“And what happens when you leave on Friday?” she asked. “You go back to college and leave him here, and suddenly you’re just some girl that he committed a sin with that lives three hours away.”

“I told you, he knows what he’s doing,” you said, and you sincerely hoped that Jamie did know what he was doing.

Dinner that night with him was nice. It was just at his home, a small parsonage that was connected to the back of the church, a building that hardly looked like anything at all, even with the stovetop and bathtub and mattress set on the floor. “Only just moved in, you see,” he explained. “I haven’t had time to go into the big city and buy a bed frame or much of anything.”

“That’s alright,” you had told him. “I think it’s lovely.”

He made you pray to him again, but this time was different. He kissed down your body, undressing you as he went, and his long, slender fingers caught in your panties once he had ridded you of your dress. “I’ve done bad things, lamb,” he whispered, shaking his head lightly. “Terrible things.”

“Like what?” you asked softly. “Tell me, my God.”

Jamie’s baby blues lifted to look at you, and he pressed a kiss to your cunt, still covered by the thin fabric. You had long since soaked them through, and Jamie worked them down your thighs as he whispered, “I’ve lied to people. I’ve been so dishonest. I act like I’m so holy, so much better than everyone else, but I’m not.”

“But you are,” you said quickly.

“But I’m not,” he insisted. “I’m just like everyone else, but still I act like I’m better just because I found God. Everyone in the church found God, that’s why they’re there. How does that make me different or special?”

“It makes you different,” you started. “Because you had lost God, and you found Him again. And you help lead people to God, like me. You led me to you.”

Jamie kissed your cunt again, and he settled his mouth over you and licked hard into you. You had gasped and grabbed at his hair, and Jamie had smiled into you and tasted you again. “On my knees for you,” he whispered. “Worshipping you, just the way I should. If I’m your God, you’re mine.”

You had cried out both of his names as he tasted you and licked into you, his strong hands grabbing your hips and keeping his mouth right on you, even when your poor, overstimulated nerves tried to push him away. You whined and whimpered and tugged his hair, but he didn’t stop until you were gushing into his mouth, coating his tongue with your juices, and he drank down everything you gave him with a lewd smacking of his lips. “Goddamn it,” he whispered. “Goddamn you.”

“Why?” you asked. “Just so you can save me again?”

“Exactly... When do you leave for university again?”

“Friday afternoon,” you said glumly, and Jamie frowned as he helped you redress.

“Not if I have anything to do with it.”

You woke up on Friday morning to the ringing of the doorbell of your parents’ house, and you groaned and buried your head under the pillows. You heard your father lumber up out of bed and cross the house to answer the door, and you peeked from the pillow to see the time. 8 o’clock, on the dot. Who the fuck…?

“Oh,” you heard your father say when the front door creaked open. “Father James.”

You were awake in an instant, jumping out of bed and grabbing a t-shirt to pull over your bra and panties. As you rushed to find something in your already-packed luggage, you heard Jamie speaking, his low voice rumbling.

“I’m sorry to disturb you this early in the day,” Jamie said. “I was only hoping to see you before your daughter left this afternoon.”

“Me?” your father asked. “Why?”

“May I come in?” Jamie asked, and there was silence before the door shut heavily. You heard the thudding click of Jamie’s boots on the hardwood floor, and you could imagine him worrying his hat in his hands as he spoke. “Sir, I know that I only know your daughter from a certain distance—”

“I’d say a much closer distance than you’d be willing to admit,” your father interjected. “You did sleep with her on Wednesday after the service, didn’t you?”

“Erm, yes, I did,” Jamie said. “I’ll admit to that, as shameful as it is. I’ve been praying about it ever since, praying for God’s forgiveness for the sin I committed. I only hope he does forgive me, because… Well, sir, I came here to ask for your permission for your daughter’s hand.”

“Excuse me?” your father spat.

“I intend to marry her,” Jamie said. “And I thought it the proper thing to do to ask your permission before I did.”

“So, you’ll fuck her, but marrying her is where you take the proper route?” your father asked. You finally found a suitable shirt and ran out of your bedroom as you tugged it on, and you skidded into the living room to see Jamie and your father, same height, standing nearly nose to nose. Jamie did hold his hat in his hands, the same black wide-billed number that he had worn on Wednesday, his hair perfectly messy, wearing his usual black with the collar done up to his throat.

“Dad,” you said quickly. “Jamie.”

“Hi there, lamb,” Jamie said softly. His eyes sparkled as he looked at you, and he added, “I guess you heard that, didn’t you?”

“I-I didn’t think you were serious,” you said. “When-When you told me that you wanted to marry me. I thought that was… Heat of the moment type stuff.”

“And perhaps it still is,” Jamie said. “But I never want this moment to end. I want you as my wife.”

“We all want lots of things in life, buddy,” your dad said pointedly, and Jamie raised his eyes from you to him. “But I draw the line here. You are not marrying her, not after knowing her for less than a week and taking advantage of her like that.”

“Dad, gosh!” you exclaimed. “He didn’t do that, I’m an adult, I wanted it as much as he did! And anyway, it isn’t your decision to make. Jamie, I think it’s lovely that you asked my dad for permission, but I-I would have accepted, even if you hadn’t.”

“Really?” Jamie asked. He looked hopeful, his eyes wide and his eyebrows drawn up, and his pink lips stretched into a smile. “Little lamb…”

You went to him and wrapped yourself in his arms, and you touched your forehead against his as your hand lightly touched his cheek. He needed a shave, the faintest stubble appearing on his face, but he was still beautiful, still your handsome god. “Yes,” you whispered. “Yes, I’ll marry you, Jamie.”

“Good,” Jamie said softly. His eyes flicked down for a moment to your lips, then back up to your eyes, and he said, “You can come live with me.”

“And what about her degree?” your father asked. “She is not abandoning her education to get married to some lowlife—”

“Dad,” you snapped. “I’ll figure it out. But if that means that I drop out…” You shrugged and turned back to Jamie, and even the sight of him made you smile. “So be it.”

By the time noon rolled around, you were back in Jamie’s home— your home. You knew that there were a million logistical things to parse through soon, especially since break was ending on Sunday and classes started back; you would have to move out of your apartment and come to Jamie, drop out of school to live with him, but you could deal with all of that later. For now, Jamie had you in his arms, worshipping you with kisses. “My beautiful girl,” he whispered as his mouth pressed over your bare breast, letting his tongue lave over your nipple. You bit your lip to hold in your moan, and Jamie’s hands fell onto your waist. “My beautiful wife. I’ll give you a good life, I swear I will.”

“I don’t need that,” you told him. “Any life with you is perfect.”

Jamie was quiet for a moment, and he suddenly moved away from you, standing up from the bed. His shirt was undone, hanging open to expose his toned chest and dangling silver cross chain, his pants unbuckled; he looked especially debauched, and you loved it. “I need to show you something,” he said as he moved around the small room, obviously searching for something specific. Finally, on a busy, cluttered shelf, he found a small book, and he moved back to the bed, book in hand.

“These are pictures from back when I was…” Jamie started, and he shook his head. “I need you to know the man you’re marrying, even if I’m no longer that man.”

You sat up. This was obviously important to Jamie, and you watched as he opened the book to show photograph after photograph. Some were better quality than others, taken with a shaky hand, and you gently touched the corner of the first photograph. It featured Jamie prominently, a microphone in hand and sweat dripping from his hair. He was shirtless, wearing tight black jeans, and he was bent over as he sang.

“This was during that period in my life when I eschewed God,” Jamie explained. “I was in a rock band, and I acted like it too. I was rude to people, selfish, I lied about everything, I… I was behaving quite badly, if we’re honest.”

He flipped the page to the next picture, and you saw another photograph of Jamie performing. This time, he wore a guitar over his body, still shirtless, still screaming into the microphone, but this time, you could glance at someone in the background, partially hidden behind a guitar. “Who’s that?” you asked.

“My brother, Sam,” Jamie said. “He’s still on that path. We’ve fought about this so much, about how I found the church and he hasn’t. He says I’m trying to convert him, or that I’m not genuine in my faith, but I just want what’s best for him.”

“Oh,” you mumbled. You pressed your cheek into his shoulder and frowned, and you added, “I don’t like this, J.”

“I don’t either,” Jamie said. “I hate you knowing exactly what I’ve done. But you deserve the whole truth— no more lying.”

“Not telling me about a past that you’re ashamed of isn’t lying,” you told him. “Even if it is, I forgive you.”

“Darling, listen to me,” Jamie said, abandoning the scrapbook and turning to you. He took your arms into his hands, holding you firmly, and his beautiful eyes went hard and serious. “You deserve to know everything I’ve done. You deserve that, as my wife. You deserve me being honest with you.”

“I don’t deserve anything,” you whimpered. “Jamie, my dear God, you can tell me anything you want, but if you don’t want to tell me something, you don’t have to.”

“God…” Jamie whispered. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” you told him. “Totally unconditionally.” Your hands clutched at his shirt as you drew him into a kiss, and Jamie’s hands abandoned your arms to wrap around you as he kissed you back. He nibbled your lips as you fell backwards onto the bed, and you smoothed your hands down his chest to fiddle with his belt.

“Oh, yeah?” Jamie chuckled. “You really need me bad like that?”

“Yes,” you whined. “God, please.”

Jamie kissed you again, deep and fervent, and he said, “Worship me, little lamb. Show me how much you love me.”

Without question or hesitation, you moved to kiss Jamie’s cheek and the little brown freckle that laid in the middle of his pale skin. You kissed from his cheek to his ear, and you pressed your lips to the small gold hoop he wore in his ear before trailing kisses down his rough, stubbly chin. Your kisses then landed on his neck, and you sucked his thin skin between your teeth hard enough for Jamie to make a soft moan. “Good girl,” he whispered, his hands lingering on your hips, and you moved your lips from his neck down to his prominent collarbones, tasting his skin and sighing softly.

You shuffled to reach his chest, pushing his shirt aside and off his shoulders, and you gawked at the tattoos on his arms. Obviously, Jamie saw what you were looking at, because the muscles in his arms flexed, and he whispered, “You like them?”

“Yeah,” you told him, stretching out his arm and kissing down to the inside of his elbow. “Really pretty…”

“You can tell me that you think they’re hot,” Jamie laughed. “You don’t have to call them pretty.”

“But I don’t want to make you think I’m only here for the sex,” you told him. “I love you, and I worship you, and you’re so much more to me than just a man. You’re my God, Jamie. I revere you, I want to pray to you, there’s nobody and nothing more powerful than you. You are Him, and nobody can compare.”

“Your God has done bad things,” Jamie said, and you kissed back up to his shoulder. “Terrible things.”

“And I forgive you,” you told him. Your kisses came down his chest and your lips lingered over his nipples for a moment before you bit the rosy pink nubs. Jamie smiled and patted down your hair, and you moved your mouth down to the ink on his stomach. You let your lips touch at his undone trousers, and you lifted your eyes to find him watching you. His blue eyes were intense on you, and you whispered, “God?”

“You don’t think you’re done, do you?” Jamie asked. “Keep going.”

Quickly, your hands grabbed at his hips and dragged him closer, and you took down his trousers and pants to expose his soft cock. The sight of him made you gasp, and you pressed forward, nuzzling your cheek against his cock. He smelled so good, and you whimpered as you dug your fingernails into his ass. “God,” you sniffled, and you felt the hot prick of tears touch at your eyes. You loved him so much, revered him and worshipped him so much, and Jamie’s hands touched your head. “I love you.”

“Good, good,” Jamie whispered. “You’re doing so well, worshipping me so good. I’ll fuck you, if you want.”

“Yeah?” you asked, kissing the head of his cock and smiling when his cock flexed for a moment. “I think I’d rather just worship you instead. How can I come to know my God if I don’t worship you?”

“You’re going to kill me,” Jamie whispered fondly. “But I’ll die a sweet death with you.”

#jamie bower #jamie campbell bower #jamie bower x reader #jamie bower x you #jamie bower x y/n #jamie campbell bower x reader #jamie campbell bower x you #jamie campbell bower x y/n

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saintsenara · 1 year ago

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How has being a doctor influenced your writing or ig your viewpoints/person? Currently I’m a med student - haven’t really come across many doctors who also write ff (perhaps I’m not talking to the right people haha). Can you tell me a little more about what meds like for you?

thank you for the ask, anon - and i hope your training is going well.

i'm not going to talk about my speciality etc., for internet safety reasons, and i've received another ask which i will one day get around to answering on wizarding medicine as a science. but i will talk about how medicine has affected my experience in fandom and influenced my writing.

my writing process looks, i think, fairly ruthless from the outside. i’m not somebody who tends to agonise over things like word choice, i never have anything beta-read or seek advice on plot lines as i’m writing, i don’t need little routines or dedicated time to write [i’m a whenever and wherever girly], i hit publish and move on, and i’m generally good at not getting upset by criticism. and that decisiveness is undoubtedly a skill which has been honed by working in medicine, but, like other aspects of my personality which affect both my writing and my career - e.g. that i’m extremely good under pressure, someone with good intuition, able to hyperfocus, a lateral thinker, possessed of a very strong stomach, someone who doesn’t need to stick rigidly to a routine, and emotionally resilient - i’ve always been like this.

and i’ve also always been someone who has a preference for characters who aren’t the good guys.

my writing tends to favour the flawed, the lonely, the grieving, the furious, the self-destructive, and so on. i find the virtuous quite boring, and i really dislike the puritanical streak which a lot of fandom discourse [and, indeed, all media discourse] has developed in recent years. i think it’s incredibly dangerous that liking particular themes, tropes, or characters in fanfiction has come to be equated with the reader’s real-world views and morals, and i think it’s equally dangerous for us to have any assumption that moral purity is possible from either fictional or real people.

that i think this is partially because i’m not fourteen - i remember well the righteousness of youth, and i’m glad that social media wasn’t anywhere near as pervasive then - and i am sympathetic to the fact that a lot of this purity discourse is just teens trying to self-actualise.

but it’s also because it’s something that's completely impossible to do as a doctor if you’d like to be capable of doing your job properly. you will never have a perfect patient, you will never like a perfect character, you will treat them anyway.

when you’re training, i think it’s easy to end up with the assumption that your difficult patients will either have reasons for their difficulties which are so understandable that you can have compassion for them with ease [e.g. the nice young person being slowly locked-in by als who lashes out in grief and rage at how their life is being cut short] or so cartoonishly malicious that you will enter a state of clinical detachment and treat them with nothing more than cool professionalism [e.g. the elderly racist who refuses to be treated by a black doctor]. and you certainly will have lots of patients who fit these extremes of the spectrum.

but you will mostly have people who are very messy and complicated and human. who will be incredibly unpleasant and yet will also tug at your heartstrings. who will be in pain and will be afraid and will be funny and interesting and grieving and who will also have done things in their lives which are horrifying.

your patients will be cruel. they will be sleazy. they will treat the nurses with contempt [do not be the sort of doctor who does the same]. they will be bigoted. they will be rude. they will be annoying. they will be sly. they will lie to you. they will be malicious. the list is endless.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will make bad decisions again and again - the sixty-a-day smoker who needs oxygen to breathe is probably still going to light up the second they’re out of the building, the person who barely survived covid because they didn’t get the vaccine is going to continue to refuse to take precautions to protect themselves - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as just not making that bad decision.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will choose to be and to remain ill-informed - they will tell you that vaccines can turn children trans, or that the pharmaceutical industry is suppressing the truth that homoeopathic remedies cure cancer - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as just changing your worldview overnight.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will end up in hospital for reasons which are directly and incontrovertibly their own fault - they will be the eighteen-year-old who thought they’d be fine to drive after a couple of drinks and has now killed their friend and given themselves irreversible brain damage, they will be the drug dealer who got stabbed by a rival in a robbery-gone-wrong - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as making a different choice when so much in life is a coin-toss.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will end up in hospital and also be bad people - they will be the child molestor brought in from prison in cardiac arrest, they will be the parents who went to the bar rather than watch their child in the pool and are now having to be told that all resuscitation attempts have failed - and you will be infuriated and you will understand that even the very worst people in the world can be afraid and in pain.

you will treat them anyway.

you will also learn a very important lesson: it is tremendously easy to kill someone.

you will see one failure to check the mirrors while driving, one punch in a pub brawl, one bump of mdma offered to a friend on a night out, one instance of seeing red, one split-second decision which takes a life. and you will recognise that the killer probably thought of themselves as a good person, but that isn’t how this works.

because, of course, the cold, hard truth is that you probably think of yourself as a good person. but you’re going to kill someone too.

not intentionally - I hope. but you are going to act too slowly to begin treatment, or be convinced that someone’s pain can’t be as bad as they say and triage them wrongly, or assume that a patient with dozens of instances on their records of trying to score opiates by claiming to have abdominal pain is lying again, or think that you know better than the patient and their family, or be misled by the charming demeanour of people who are abusing their children. you are going to make a mistake in surgery, or because the lab was backed up, or because you’re tired, or because a&e is at breaking point. and somebody is going to die because of it.

the only thing you can do to stave off that inevitability for as long as possible is to never believe yourself infallible. don’t think of yourself as flawless, or righteous, or moral, or a brilliant genius who works alone. question your expectations; examine your biases; listen to patients properly; be aware of the realities of medical misogyny, racism, and ableism and never think yourself incapable of them; show your unpleasant patients as much compassion as your nice ones; be good to the nurses - they will save your bacon - and be just as good to the porters and the cleaners and the people who work in the morgue; stay educated; inform yourself about the actual experience of people who have, for example, been sectioned, or otherwise treated without respect by the medical system; leave your own problems at the door when you step onto the ward; don’t keep silent if you think one of your colleagues is dangerous; get a second opinion whenever you need to; accept that failure is inevitable; keep trying; recognise that nothing and nobody is ever simple.

treat them anyway.

so too in your life in fandom. never think that you alone have spotless interests, nor that your favourite characters are flawless. examine why tropes or interpretations of characters which allow them to be imperfect make you uncomfortable; examine your biases - is your slash heteronormative? is your portrayal of a non-white character stereotypical?; be nice to your commenters, and take as much as you can of what they say in good faith; remember that people writing fic are real and have complex motivations and experiences; regard it as your duty to confront portrayals of the violent and the cruel with as much compassion as you can; keep writing; recognise that nothing and nobody is ever simple.

write them anyway.

#asks answered #asenora on writing #on medicine

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bookaddict24-7 · 1 year ago

Text

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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180. Hotline by Dimitri Nasrallah--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I knew I wanted to read HOTLINE from the moment I saw the cover and read the synopsis months ago. It offered everything I love in literary fiction: Immigration, a character growing through their experiences, and an interesting point of view that differs from my own when it comes to the immigration experience.

Reading HOTLINE was like seeing a story from the perspective of my immigrant parents. Much like the son in Nasrallah's novel, I came to Canada at a young age. My parents fought tooth and nail to make ends meet and to make sure I had a better future than the life they left behind. Our country wasn't war-torn, but it was going through a special period where food was incredibly scarce and the police handed out jail sentences for too many things. Many people had "one foot at home and one foot in jail" because of all the side hustles they had to do in a country that frowned upon that.

So, seeing a mother striving to do what she could with what little resources she had was incredibly eye-opening. Making the incredibly hard decision of leaving a child alone so you can provide for them was another relatable instance. HOTLINE was such a captivating exploration of how parents sacrifice and compromise in the present for a hopefully better future. It is a complicated story of grief for both someone lost and a dream destroyed by the stereotypes and biases that live in a new country.

It was also jarring to see how life might have been like in the 80s in comparison to today's society, much like the differences between the 90s (when we immigrated) and today. The hustle was real, but (in this case) it paid off in the end--which was a welcome surprise, even if it wasn't entirely a roses and rainbows story. I liked the reality of how messy life can be and how even though a job we never thought we'd have is the only thing keeping you in a less-than-perfect home.

HOTLINE also had a unique level of community that I loved to see. It proves that a village-full of support makes a massive difference. While there were moments of the MC's self-doubt and fear, there were many moments where the reader is reminded that hope can exist even in the darkest moments.

I felt like I was catching a glimpse into a real home and I'm so grateful for the opportunity. Beautifully written! I highly recommend this, especially for those who are constantly seeking out immigration stories.

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181. Some Shall Break by Ellie Marney--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I loved the first book in this series (duology?), so I was so incredibly delighted to see that there was a sequel!

I think one of the huge benefits that the first book had was that I knew absolutely nothing about it. I wasn't expecting it to be a YA fictional version of MINDHUNTER, which was an incredibly intriguing nonfiction text about how Forensic Profiling came to be and the process behind it. Seeing a fictional story from a teen POV was interesting and darkly fun.

In this sequel, we don't get as much of that exploration that we did with book one, instead we're mainly focusing on catching the one big bad person and while there are cameos and many, many twists and turns, it wasn't as great of a read as the first one.

This isn't to say that I didn't still enjoy this book! I remember thinking, "Wow, I really do enjoy this author's writing." I was hooked and I really wanted to see where the story would take these characters. It was also kind of sad seeing where trauma can take a person and how far they are willing to go to run from said trauma.

There was a certain level of madness to this book and the evil mastermind behind some of the characters. My mind is doing a bunch of twists and turns just trying to write this review.

I highly recommend the first book in this series, especially with the Fall season upon us. Spook yourself with a YA crime thriller. I think knowing that this is YA makes it all that much more creepier.

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182. The Book of Accidents by Chuck Wendig--⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

I've been eyeing THE BOOK OF ACCIDENTS ever since it came out. I wanted to read it, but I won't lie: the size of it intimidated the hell out of me. I finally bit the bullet when another book I was reading recommended it and I thought, "Why not? It's the perfect season for it."

I'm glad I finally read it, if not for the creepy atmosphere of it, but for the writing itself and how reminiscent it was of Stephen King. I love a good spooky King novel and this one delivered!

Some of the twists in this book were a bit wild, but they all worked together in the end. By the conclusion of the book, the length made sense because we needed to get a well-rounded story. However, during the reading of the story, I did start wondering when it would end. I enjoyed the multiple perspectives, but I kept thinking, "Okay, what's next? Why do I still have five hours left in this audiobook?"

I DO think the concept of THE BOOK OF ACCIDENTS was really intriguing, especially when we start to consider the potential meanings behind the book. Wendig's novel explores boyhood and the consequences of actions and generational trauma. The What-if's of THE BOOK OF ACCIDENTS is probably, to me, the best part because we get to meet a cast of characters that give us a bigger picture of what could have been.

By the end, I did have some questions that were left unanswered, but for the most part, it was a pretty satisfying conclusion. I didn't like the mom and how her mentality worked at times--but it also shows how imperfect we can be as humans. I think that's one of the things I love the most about Horror. Too often we look for the shock and awe in the genre, but forget how complex the exploration of humanity can be in Horror.

Anyway, I'd recommend it if you're a fan of Stephen King. While Wendig isn't exactly as verbose as King, his ability to set a mood and a setting was very reminiscent of the Horror master. If you don't mind the length, then definitely add this one to your TBR list!

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183. The Lamb Will Slaughter the Lion by Margaret Killjoy--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed Killjoy's novella and how it creeped me out while reading it in the middle of the night. Although short, it felt heavy enough that I couldn't read this in just one sitting. Which is both a good and eh thing.

The heaviness of the novella is a good thing because it means that I felt like the pages held a lot of meaning. THE LAMB WILL SLAUGHTER THE LION explored grief, the power of love (as cliche as that sounds), family, society and its downsides, and of course, the topic of Power. What does it mean to have power? What do the different kinds of power look like?

The heaviness of the novella can be a bad thing because it sometimes lost my interest. I felt like even though it was short, it lagged in some parts. I wanted answers, but the writing sometimes felt cluttered enough that the answers were always on the next page and, sigh, I was already worn out from reading what I had just read. This is most definitely a me problem, but having just come off two novellas that didn't give me this issue, I found it noticeable enough to note in this review.

I AM super excited for the sequel, though. The way things were left at the end of this book had me genuinely excited to see where Killjoy takes the story!

The characters were all interesting and occasionally morally grey (as can so often happen when magic is involved alongside the concerns we may have for modern-day society), and the topics explored were timely and interesting. If you're looking for an entertaining Queer horror novella with a beautiful cover, then this one is for you!

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184. The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw--⭐️⭐️

I'm either too dumb to understand this book, or I'm one of the few who fell through the cracks with this one and just didn't enjoy it. Some of my friends have read this and they've all enjoyed it thoroughly. Me? I read this and as I'm writing this review, I still have no idea what this book was about.

I know the...general gist of it. But for the most part, this was a blur and I'm lowkey disappointed because I really enjoyed Khaw's haunted previous book.

I'm glad others were able to enjoy this so thoroughly, but it was truly not for me.

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185. Those Across the River by Christopher Buehlman--⭐️

THOSE ACROSS THE RIVER, at its core, had an interesting story premise. Did it have creepy moments? Yes, it certainly did. There were some scenes that were downright gruesome and I'm sure will serve as someone's nightmare fuel. The pacing was great and the twists were entertaining, if a bit predictable. So, why am I giving this a one star rating? Well...

As a historical fiction Horror novel, I expected some of the language in this book. Having read some of Stephen King's older books, I'm no stranger to derogatory language in the Horror genre--especially when they're historical fiction novel. This book, however, was published in 2011 and used racial slurs with such relish that I started to flinch at the words (not that I normally don't--I do, but it was so prominent in this book that it started to overshadow some of the Horror of the book.)

I've also never commented on the descriptions of women in older Horror books because well...given the time they were written in, it was expected. I don't condone it, but some of these books are truly a product of their time. But a book published in 2011 referring to a woman as a dog during sex and then just...treating her as both a sexual and plot device in this book was...a lot. And the irony is how strong she is as a character in her own right. This strength could have been further explored if she had been given a chance by Buehlman. Instead, she is first the property of one man at a young age and then the property of another man, who dehumanizes her during sex.

"Dayla, the book is set in the 1930's!" That's fine, but you can write a woman set in that time without dehumanizing her like you're writing her character in a 70's-80's era of Horror.

So, while the horror of the book is creepy and the twists were great, there were some jarring moments of discomfort in this book that were too much for even me, a King fan. (And that's saying a lot, because those who've read older King know how messed up his writing can be.)

ALSO: Super creepy how there is a scene where a FOURTEEN year old girl catches the male main character's attention. And he actively has to remind himself that SHE IS FOURTEEN. I had finished writing my review and had to come back to add this because I had blocked it out of my head. She is described as "simple", I believe, and while he catches himself "flirting" with her, his wife mentions that she's a little jealous. Like, wtf. LMAO.

Anyway, read this if you'd like, but be prepared. I don't know if I'll read more stuff by this author. We shall see!

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186. I Survived the Joplin Tornado by Lauren Tarshis--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I knew close to nothing about this tornado, but it was definitely fascinating to read about it, especially from the perspective of a child!

I think one of the things that makes these books a bit of a challenge for an adult to read (me, I am this adult) is the suspension of disbelief. I'm glad these characters always have hopeful endings full of miracles, especially because the readers these are targeted for are super impressionable. But...the more I read of these, the harder it is for me to believe all the happy endings. I'm definitely happy that characters like the mc in this one are able to walk away from this disaster, but it's just something I've been noticing.

Maybe I'm growing a little jaded from these books LOL.

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187. Don't Fear the Reaper by Stephen Graham Jones--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Oh this book was FUN. Yes, the context is dark and murderous, but this one definitely had a lot more going on in it (action-wise) than the first book. I didn't know what to expect with this one because while I enjoyed the first book, I definitely thought it was more of a slow burn horror. This one dived right into the horror!

If you've ever watched the SCREAM movies from the very first one, then you are familiar with Sidney's progression as a character. We see her go through so many stages of PTSD and during all of that, she becomes the ultimate Final Girl. We see the same thing with Jade, the MC of THE INDIAN LAKE trilogy. Her denial, PTSD, and disassociation with her past self was unexpected but also realistic. She's the one who cried wolf once, wasn't believed, and now is watched again to see if she will cry wolf again. She has the pressure of being a survivor and she tries over and over again to pass on that legacy to someone else who could potentially be another Final Girl.

Jones's novel takes place during the holidays, which means that we are in a blizzard of snow and blood. Imagine if all of the killing in the first book were spread out throughout a whole novel and you'll have a better understanding of just how wicked this book was. It felt like I was reading a cursed sequel of a horror classic that was actually...really, really good? It was campy, heartfelt, had many twists, and some pretty intriguing Indigenous touches that made this all the more unique.

I so highly recommend DON'T FEAR THE REAPER. It was such a great read for the Autumn season (any season really), and lived up to my expectations. Will definitely be picking up the final book in the trilogy when it comes out!

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Have you read any of these books? Let me know your thoughts!

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Happy reading!

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myreia · 9 months ago

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1, 6, 22 for the ffxiv asks? c:

Thanks, Meredith! 🖤✨

01. Where were they during the Calamity?

Aureia was in the Garlean provinces and with her special ops unit. She was known as Kira back then, and was the second-in-command of her unit with her brother as commander in the field. They were due to be rewarded for their service and a mission going well when the news of what happened in Carteneau reached them.

The Calamity only reinforced something she had been feeling for quite some time, leading her to question everything she knew about her life, the country she was raised in, her purpose and what she was being used for. It took her several months to grapple with it and make the decision the defect (a messy incident in and of itself, she had to fight her whole unit--people she once trusted and cared very much about--on the way out).

06. How did they deal with the massacre on the Waking Sands?

Not well. She was very blinded with rage and grief and the sense of powerlessness. It's the worst encounter she had had with Garlemald since she fled. Her anger manifested in a lot of different ways--mostly at herself at being so scared and holding her tongue. She has a wealth of knowledge about how the Empire operates, she saw the holes in the Waking Sands' defenses, she feared something like this would happen because the location felt so insecure, so underprepared, they didn't know who they were dealing with, not really…

But she put herself first, choosing to bury her history deep rather than help. It's a wake-up call that she can't sit on the sidelines, shut up, keep her head down, go where she needs to go and do what she's told. She knows things the others don't--she needs to put that to use.

She didn't realize how much she actually cared about them all until she lost them.

22. Do you have a unique tale for their job class or is it pretty much like what it is in the game?

Most of Aureia's job classes follow parts of the job quest storylines, but have unique spins on them. Her timeline is 10 years long, so there's a lot of space to shove things in different places. She's a combat specialist and she's been a trained soldier since her youth, so she is canonically an omni-classer. She can pick up pretty much anything and use it, although her skill level will vary and she tends to gravitate towards certain fighting styles over others.

Black Mage is what she knows best, but Red Mage becomes much more important to her later in life in terms of personal growth and balance. Dark Knight and Reaper are what she goes for when her back is against the wall, but they're both extremely unsafe for her to use long-term. By post-ENW, she's mostly reaching for Gunbreaker and Sage.

Mostly Canon-ish

THM/BLM is pretty much canon for her, same with GLD (but not PLD). Both are part of her year of Ul'dah adventures pre-ARR when she's new to the city and trying to scrape together a living.

GNB is mostly canon, with a few additions because of her Garlean history (Vitus Messalla knows exactly who she is, what her unit did, who exactly she killed, and how her defection went down).

DRK is mostly canon, though I'm still fiddling with her relationship with Sid and Fray.

CNJ no, but parts of WHM yes (namely the stuff with Sanche and Gatty). She is also friends with Eschiva.

SGE, yes. Side adventure post-Shadowbringers not long after she expresses an interest in learning how to heal. She doubles down on techniques when she's in Old Sharlayan and starts experimenting; SGE is one of the skills she reaches for the most later in life.

RPR is pretty similar to its quests, with the addition that she's known Drusilla for years and finally breaks down and accepts her offer because she's at her wits end pre-Endwalker and is in bad enough of a mental place to start looking for last resorts.

ROG/NIN has parts that are canon, parts that aren't. The main difference is that Aureia has been very uncertain about using dual daggers because that's her brother's fighting style; she still has the knife she took from him when she thought she killed him when she defected. Training with Oboro opens her up to different skills and a new way of approaching it; she heals from some of her familial trauma by meeting the NIN characters.

MCH, she gets pointed towards Stephanivien by Hilda; I'm not sure how much of the early quests are canon for her, but the Stormblood ones definitely are.

DNC mostly all canon, although Aureia never performs. Troupe Falsaim digs her out of the crowd one day based on her natural grace and she goes along with it because she's intrigued by the fighting style and wants to learn it. She gets in a little too deep and sticks around because she's very concerned they're handling magic they're unequipped to deal with and she's worried they're going to get themselves killed.

RDM is pretty much all canon. She's very fond of X'hrun and Arya; X'hrun's the only mentor figure she trusts implicitly.

Unique Tale

I love the AST quests very much, but she picks up celestial magic from Urianger post-Shadowbringers because she lost a bet (I do think she still runs into Leveva at some point, but she may not be ASTing at the time).

MNK is non-canon; she goes to the Pugilists' Guild in early ARR patches because she can't cast anymore after fighting Lahabrea (residual trauma from using destructive magic against Thancred, she almost killed him). Fighting hand-to-hand is for when she gets scrappy or if she loses her weapon or if for whatever reason she can't draw on aether anymore. The techniques help ground her, and later in life she doesn't truly fight hand-to-hand anymore but she still does the exercises.

For DRG, she started training as a dragoon during Heavensward as an extension of her black mage physicality (she's no turret caster, she's very physical - staffs can be lances!! She will hit you with the pointy end as she sets you on fire!), so the LNC/DRG quests are firmly non-canon for her.

ARC/BRD isn't canon. She can shoot a bow, but not very well. She had to learn on the fly because it was the only weapon she could get off a corpse after falling down into the Palace of the Dead pit. She can't play instruments at all. She has a difficult relationship with music, and certain tones or musical phrases can trigger bad memories and reactions.

ARN/SCH/SMN are not canon. She learns how to summon during some down time in Old Sharlayan near the start of Endwalker. Her carbuncle is very weak, very small, and has no colour and Alphinaud and Alisaie get a little too into helping her figure out what is going on there. The more comfortable she gets with summoning and the more she learns, her carbuncle grows and gets his ruby colouring, but he's always a bit… small and feral and will bite.

I don't know where WAR or SAM fit at this point, since I haven't played much of them!! I will find out soon, I'm sure. 😂I don't think WAR will be canon at all, she's not really a greataxe person. But SAM... we'll see. 👀

#ffxiv #aureia malathar #oc tag #answered

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teddy-bear-queen · 2 years ago

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Since everyone’s jumping on the “Chris is trash” bandwagon…

I greatly dislike that lil fucker

LMAO.

Now, let me explain myself, because tbh I haven’t seen anyone really delve into why they hate him, at least not in detail.

In this post I’m going to go over the positive and negative points of Chris’s character. It’s a little messy because it’s 12am and I’m not going to edit it. I’ll be looking at him through the POV of actual character writing and not just his yucky icky grossness /lh

I’m not gonna close my eyes & ears and say “he’s bad!”, I acknowledge he has good traits. That make him an interesting character. I’ll start with the traits I find enduring about Chris.

Go to the bottom for the TLDR

Let’s begin!

Chris and Sonic (+ Positives)

The fact they made Chris rich stood out to me. The point of human characters in these series (SonicX, Transformers, etc.) is so the kid watching can relate to that character (ironically most of these shows don’t pull this off - I’ll explain why in a little bit). So they can put themselves in that persons shoes and say “That’s like me! I could do that!”, an audience stand-in. Let’s be honest, most kids aren’t rich, so this isn’t a very relatable trait.

The point of Chris (besides being a stand-in) is to mirror and contrast Sonic to a certain degree. Sonic is confident being alone - he enjoys it! We see him at several points throughout the series avoiding being around others. Instead we see Sonic napping, exploring, running, or just relaxing. Sonic is comfortable with himself, he doesn’t need the approval of others and doesn’t care what they think. Sonic does things his way, and that’s that.

Chris, on the other hand, craves social interaction. They made him a rich, spoilt, self-centred kid. But they also made him incredibly lonely. Chris doesn’t really have people in his life who he can connect with, he’s an only child who lives in a massive mansion (seriously, that thing is HUGE!) but he is incredibly neglected emotionally. Yes, he has maids and butlers, but a maid and butler simply do not have the same connection to Chris as a parental figure would. This goes for his friends and grandfather, too. Despite the people around him, he aches for his parents attention. Chris is a sheltered and lonely kid, who has a pretty different view on the world than you or I would. Chris has people going to him at all times, trying their bests to please him, so it’s no surprise that he is pretty selfish.

•

Both Sonic and Chris have a love for nature and want to do good for it. For Chris this is shown in two episodes especially: Episode 1, where he rushes down from his room to save what he thinks is a cat from drowning. Again in the Episode The Dam Scam. Tails asks what Chris wants to be, to which he replies a zoologist.

Tails: Thanks. So what do you think you wanna do when you're older?

Chris: Well, I... I really want to study zoology... I think. Grandpa and my dad want me to really like building machines, just like they do. But since I met you guys, I figured I'm more interested in animals than machines.

Chris goes out of his way to help the cast in whatever way he can - even if he ends up getting captured etc. I’ll go into the negatives later, though. The point is that he is determined and wants to help others. He has his own motivations seperate to Sonic.

•

Before Sonic can leave with the rest of his friends, Chris is suddenly overcome with the fear of being alone again. He feels as though Sonic was a consistent person in his life - sure, he has friends, but he never really connected with them in the same way he connected with Sonic. Sonic is a person Chris feels like he can truly rely on. A big brother, a best friend, just someone cool and inspiring. He doesn’t want to lose that, so he closes the portal before sonic can enter.

After this, Chris begins to feel really guilty about his decision, and asks Sonic why he chose to stay with him.

Link to the scene here

I feel like this is one of the most important moments for Chris in Sonic X. This scene resonated with me, and a lot of other people. I’m a little too tired to analyse this scene in it’s entirety, but I feel like everything that needs to be said is in the video.

Why I hate Chris Thorndyke (negatives)

Now that I’ve acknowledged he has good traits and the writing in his character is at least decent, I can go into why I hate him.

I’ve seen the argument that Chris is insightful for a child because of his speech to Shadow, where he convinces him not to destroy the earth and instead to help it. Such a heartwarming moment…

Except that moment wasn’t his.

That speech you hear isn’t Chris Thorndyke. It’s Amy Rose. Amy Rose is a character who consistently gets shoved to the side in a lot of series, especially in the English version of sonic X (I’ll write a whole other post for that). But the fact that they just completely took Amy away from that scene and replaced her with Chris will forever ruin him as a character for me. Which brings me into my main point:

Chris overshadows the main cast, and not in a good way.

When people call Chris useless etc. it’s not because he’s godawful in battle and constantly causes more problems than fixing them - that’s by design. It’s to make the 12 year old watching relate, right? That’s not my issue (it is but I’ll come back to that). My issue is that Chris takes roles that other characters could have easily fulfilled. The compassion and empathy that Amy Rose has is overshadowed and in some cases outright ignored in favour of Chris. The intelligence and tech-savvy, inventive abilities Tails has, coupled with his insecurities? Chris takes those, too.

My main issue with Chris Thorndyke is that he takes the roles of many other characters, and he is literally replacing them because of this. Chris needs to be his own person before I can justify him being a good character - and he simply isn’t. Chris isn’t his own character. Chris takes the roles of Amy and Tails quite often - I can’t remember the episode, but he makes some fancy shoes for sonic in season 3, Tails should have done that.

Chris needed to be his own person, he had the backstory etc. but it just wasn’t very emotionally enrapturing. I don’t think it’s because he’s rich, or he’s spoilt. I actually think it’s a very important thing for people to understand that being wealthy and having a lot of materialistic items does not make you happy. People need people, and people need structure and stability. People will do awful things out of fear, and loneliness can make you do very selfish things. These are all topics Chris Thorndyke’s character tries to convey, but his lack of personality outside of being a plot point is what ultimately makes him a bad character.

•

His dependence on Sonic is intentional, and while it has meaning, that meaning isn’t explored due to the nature of the show. This creates a sort of divide between the viewer and Chris. Instead of feeling like one of the main characters, he feels like a side character shoved into a main characters position. He has a backstory, he has a reason for being so dependent and insecure about his relationship with Sonic, and yet those reasons are sort of shoved to the side. I think Chris had potential to be an alright character. But due to the series inability to explore the character without Sonic around, it made him very annoying. He wasn’t important, and was often used as a plot device. Causing trouble just to move the plot along.

A character doing that isn’t entirely a bad thing, but it becomes bad when it is always one character doing it. Time and time again, Chris causes trouble for the whole cast. It’s annoying because he makes the same mistakes he always does and never really learns his lesson. Transformers has the same issue with a lot of their human characters (an exception being Transformers: Animated). In a lot of these series, the characters aren’t really… A character. They’re more like a plot decide and a microphone for the writers to use to directly convey a message they want delivered. Luckily Chris isn’t quite at that level - I digress.

All of these things are why Chris’s moment with Sonic (video linked earlier in the post) didn’t feel as impactful as it could have. I directly related to Chris once throughout the series, and it was in that campfire scene. I feel like Chris could have been completely removed from the series and a similar thing could have been done with Tails. It would have left a greater impact on the audience because Tails is an important member to the team. He brings value to it, and doesn’t actively drag it down. Chris does not work because the majority of his actions directly correlate to a setback for the main cast, the audience begins to resent him because he adds nothing substantial and meaningful to the plot, and the things he does add was at the cost of another character (referring to Chris taking the roles of Amy and Tails).

Conclusion/TLDR

I do not like Chris. His character is bland, and most of his roles could have been taken by Amy or Tails. While the idea and message that Chris carried was appealing to me, it was executed poorly because he wasn’t developed individually and had very little character growth. The campfire scene was heartwarming, but ultimately came off sort of flat and preachy due to the audience having a very small connection to him. He changes very little throughout the series, constantly puts the cast through more trouble than necessary due to idiotic actions he should have learnt from by now.

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic x #chris thorndyke #sth #suki speaks #sonicx #sonic #character analysis #I think

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collar-shocked · 8 months ago

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Because they should feel bad about it. It's not normal. Nothing about this is normal, or even remotely okay. Sitting here, admitting to all the terrible, disgusting things they've done, seen and enjoyed as if it's about yesterdays news. Being reminded of Strade's misdeeds the way they feel even a pinch of guilt or disgust, because they both know he only felt bliss with the blood smearing on his hands and staining into his clothes.

They came across a true beast. Something truly inhuman and sick.

And he taught them well. He taught him well.

It's hard to ignore ones own urges. During their conversation, it had somehow... Went astray. They're not very different. In fact, Ren and Lawrence are quite similar. This is something they've accepted. What they've also accepted is the pain and misery they endured together. Ren believes those experiences, as traumatic as they may be, have brought them closer together. Even the violence upon each other, the way Ren ripped the skin from Law's shoulder with his jaws, and the way Lawrence sawed at the fox's arm until he could bring it with him. They've been through so much together already. Their connection is strong.

But it could be stronger.

The night is young. The car came to a stop. Ren looks to Lawrence as he unbuckles his seatbelt. "And.. You remember what to do?" They're parked outside a bar on the outskirts. Playing by the book. Staying familiar, but not close. It would be a shame to run into him while trying to do their own thing...

The plan is to send Ren inside alone. Could be considered risky, but it's supposed to be. They don't want to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it. They're not after any drunken, horny fool. They want someone persistent. A bad person who the world would not miss. Lawrence, who has a great advantage in size and strength over Ren, will be stationed outside, waiting patiently for his friends eventual harasser.

"I wont let anyone too close.. I'll come straight out to you." He offered a shy smile before stepping out of the car, waiting for Law to leave his own seat. Once the blonde was waiting by the doors, Ren felt confident enough to step inside, but not before holding the others hand one more time.

It was dark. Everything smelled like booze and vomit. This is not the kind of bar Strade would set his sights upon for this exact reason- not normal enough. Too aggressive. Made it perfect for Ren and Law's motives. Seeing all the people sitting back and laughing, others having a small argument, people playing pool, people getting groped, he had to swallow his hesitance and push forward, finding a seat at the bar. No tenders paid him any mind. Not that he cared. The fox gave it a few moments before... He showed himself. Ears and tail and all.

And then he waited. And he didn't have to wait long. He already had some drunken losers giving him 'pspsps's and kissy noises. He was scared, but looking at their nasty faces was enough to ignite his excitement. Trading their lives for an unforgettable experience with his best friend is no hard decision to make.

He became flirtacious.

He kept himself small.

And finally, he left the bar, tail wrapped around the stumbling fools waist, his own being captured by the mans arm. "Are you sure?" He giggled, listening to their sloppy, messy response. They're talking about this strange mans supposed talent in rock skipping. Apparently, he once skipped a stone across an entire lake. How riveting. "Wow.. Maybe you could show me sometime, big-boy."

"I can show you more than that, kitten."

Fucking. Gross. "Oh, I'm sure~."

The car is right there. The car is right there. All they need to do is push, shove, pull, force him inside. He's far too drunk at the moment to fight back. Ren glances over to the side of the door, eyes meeting Lawrence's own. It isn't just a 'go go go' signal. It's a cry for help.

He's scared. He doesn't like touching this person. He wants to drive home now.

Special Treat

#//HERE I AMMMMMMMMM AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! ENJOY #galacticrps

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vael · 3 months ago

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Remembering My Grandparents

Remembering

In early August, my grandfather (95) and grandmother (87) died on the same day: he, cancer, and she, cerebrovascular disease. I called him Nonno (Non for short, Italian for Grandfather), and she was simply Gram. My mother would instead take up the French Mémé for my children.

My grandparents were very present in my life from childhood to adolescence. I have many memories of them, and I'll share a few to help color who they were, at least to me. They'd pick up me, my sister and my cousin from school and we'd spend the evening there, eating supper and then leaving for home. My cousin and I would spend time on the computer and occasionally watching TV.

I remember Non looking over my messy room when I was ~8 years old. I gestured over the scene I'd made, telling him, "This is the city!" and he mirthfully replied, "No, this is the city dump!" I remember working on the bathroom sink with him and needing to remove some grime from the pipe. I didn't want to do it because it was yucky and he said, "Ah don't be a baby!" and reached in and just removed it with his fingers. He'd take me to and from community college in my loser days; indulge in fun snacks, ask if we wanted more. He liked to stay busy and while I don't know the details, I understand retiring wasn't easy for him.

Gram was cheerful and I have only one memory of ever being scolded. She took me to the chess club at the library and eventually to a chess tournament that I lost fairly rapidly. She practiced massage therapy and had worked on me a few times. The computer at her house was hers and she had decent computer literacy for a while. I want to say I sent her an email once but I cannot remember. When she was a girl, she'd walk with her classmates past a hospital (or medical building) and point to it saying she wanted to work there when she grows up. She became a registered nurse and did just that; this has always stuck with me.

I will regret not making it to their funeral. I moved away from Rhode Island and all family in February 2019, down to South Carolina to start the next phase of my life. I thought we'd visit more, but at that time, I didn't know we wanted more kids. Circumstances have kept me rooted here, missing my sister's wedding and now my grandparents' funeral. I didn't feel guilty, because it was unavoidable, but I still felt bad about it. I have a picture of them in a frame on my shelf. Mmm. What I should feel guilty for is not calling them since 2021. I could never bring myself to do it for some reason. I think there is some psychological effect of isolation and not seeing people for so long that contributed to my inability to do so. Still I will accept it as my own shittiness.

Legacy

A person is shaped by the sum of their life experiences and biological heritage. Our ancestors, therefore, transcend time; they live on within us. As I became a fully actualized adult, I started to draw parallels and be conscious of similar traits -- both good and bad -- that I had inherited from experience and biology. It's surprising how much I attribute to my grandfather. I'm grateful to have inherited his and my father's ambition and work ethic, even if it sorta drives me crazy. I don't imagine that I am directly continuing his legacy, but I am a reverberation. I am grateful for him and for the life I have because of my grandparents.

Pictured is a decorative sign with the words, "all because two people fell in love." It hangs on a wall in my grandparents' house, accompanied by many pictures of the family. Since their deaths, I have been thinking more than I usually do -- already a fair amount -- about ancestry and legacy. Their decision to have five children lead to seven grandchildren and (currently) four great grandchildren. It was a necessary sacrifice they made, and it's a sacrifice that many otherwise capable couples are opting out of in 2024. I cannot even comprehend the ripples that were made already, and certainly not what will be made, from their decision to have five kids. I wish I could have more. The love I feel from raising my children every day is something no one should opt out of.

I've decided that when the time comes, I will be 'Nonno' to my grandchildren. I do not have such a short memory that I should feel guilty about this because of how little communication I had with my grandparents in their final years. I was very satisfied with my grandparent experience and I will seek to be as great a grand-dad as him (or even better, as we all desire). I will continue making my ancestors' sacrifice worth it, and so shall, in time, achieve transcendence of my own.

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peakyltd · 1 year ago

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Brummie, what a ride already! I'm so excited for the next parts, can't wait to see what you have in mind for this one!

Her mom is pretty rude, to so say the least. Saying that she's being punished for her (Y/N)'s father's sins... I mean, what a horrible thing to hear as a young girl. Although her mom is rather harsh, I like how her little brother and herself are so done with it. I love how she has that kind of attitude. Also Arthur and Tommy laughing at her when she has to apologize to the priest had me laughing as well, even more when Polly told them to shut up 😂

The part where they met outside of the church after the service made me melt. Just their little conversation was so cute, it really portrayed their young love very well. " Have you seen yourself?" you smirked looking down at his outfit "Think your Aunt needs to shorten those" HELLO HOW ADORABLE AND FUNNY AT THE SAME TIME. I immediately had this picture in mind of a young Tommy with trousers way too long for him and it made me smile. I love how you added this because it's so fitting for the way they lived.

" Polly was furious said he had sinned enough for the whole house and we were all damned to hell if we didn't come today" Polly didn't know they were damned to hell anyway in the future 👀

" He's got a map this time. Come on it will be fun" Oh so since the lanky git has a map, things will be fine? I just knew this was going to be bad 😂 Also poor little John, getting kicked in the shin by his older brother. I laughed But also poor Polly, it's really a full time job to keep the brothers in order, all my respect goes to her 😂

The little banter and flirting between (Y/N) and Tommy was so CUTE, you captured it so well and it gave me such a warm feeling. Really adorable 😩

The way Arthur had the map of some house in London really got me. Who's idea was it to just trust him and expect things to go right? 😂 It's so in character for a young Arthur and that makes it even funnier. I mean he casually fed the dog sprouts, what did he expect? I'd bark at him too 😂

(Y/N) and Tommy locked together in the small storage room was such a clever and sweet idea to get them together. Once they realize they're so close to each other, you can almost feel their nerves. Both not really knowing what to do. I was rooting for Tommy to do something but I didn't actually expected him to do so! " Fuck it" he said as he cupped your cheeks crashing his lips onto yours. I GOT SO EXCITED, this was so cute and I loved how you mentioned that their first kiss was messy, it was really fitting as well!

" Oh and you're not? You really think I believed that ridiculous story you told us all last summer about how you gave Irene five orgasms in ten minutes" This is SUCH a Tommy thing to say. Lets just say he had to grow into this reputation? 👀🤭

The embarassement when Arthur found both of them had me giggling, especially Arthur's annoying brotherly comments topped it off.

The part where they're laying in bed together, all cuddled up was so heartwarming and then the beautiful gift she got him. It was so thoughtful. 🥺

But then you thought it would be funny to break our hearts with a 10 year time jump. It left me wondering what happened "tonight you would sleep alone as regret over decisions you had made weighed down your already broken heart." Did they broke up shortly before this? What happened? Why did they broke up? Did she do something? Did he rather want to be with the barmaid?

Quickly closing it Tommy clutched it tightly in his hand as he looked back at you. For a brief moment that's all he did as if the memories of that night had suddenly come flooding back to him. Is it the same pocket watch she got him? Because that's probably double as painful.

" You not going to wish me a happy birthday then?" Tommy called out as he watched you walk away. Love how you used this as a parallel with ten years earlier. It really shows how time has changed and how their relationship has changed.

I LOVE how your last line refers back to the title!

You portrayed the younger Shelby's so well in this one, so in character. It put the biggest smile on my face! BRUMMIE YOU GOT ME HOOKED. Your writing is amazing and I'm so excited for the next part!

MASTERLIST

Hopelessly Devoted (PART ONE)

Summary: A flashback to when you and Tommy were young, carefree and smitten with one another plays out in your head as you sit alone in the Garrison, watching him now in the arms of another woman whilst you desperately hold onto the love you still have for him. Does Tommy share the same sentiments or has his bitterness towards you stained the love he claims he no long has for you?

Warnings: Language, angst, fluff, mutual pining

Authors note: Inspired by the song "Hopelessly Devoted" by Olivia Newton-John. RIP sweet angel.

"We're bloody late again!" your mother muttered under her breath as she hurried up the church steps holding onto her hat from the bitter January wind whilst you are your little brother George, lovingly known as Georgie walked behind her. "Ten minutes until we leave I said" she huffed turning around, scowling at you as you rolled your eyes in response. "Ten minutes! In the time it took for you to put your dress on I had swept the porch and gotten your brother ready. Why did you give me such an unruly child?" she said looking up to the heavens expecting some sort of response. "Out all hours gallivanting about with those Shelby boys, never listening to a word I say. I'm being punished aren't I, for the sins of her father...the bloody fool he was, drinking himself to an early grave, leaving me here to fend for myself with two kids..." she carried on as you held your little brothers hand, a small sigh leaving his mouth as he looked up at you, shaking his head at your mother's relentless rambling. " Y/N let me look at you. Bloody hell child, you look a state!" she frowned as she turned to face you at the top of the steps.

"Can you just stop" you said trying to move her hands away as she pushed your hair back behind your ears, pinching your cheeks to give them a rosy glow. "Look at your dress..." she huffed as she straightened the bottom out, pulling at the frilly pink fabric whilst your little brother reached up to open the church door. "Stay still!" she said as you started fidgeting away from her hands, her overbearing mothering making you feel like you was eight years old again.

" For god's sake I'm not a kid!" you replied rather loudly when the doors fully opened and everyone in their seats turned around to look at the commotion. "Shit" you mumbled under your breath as you looked to the sea of eyes now staring back at you, the loud bang of the church door slamming against the brick wall startling you as your little brother giggled in amusement.

" Bloody Walk Y/N" your mother said through gritted teeth behind you as she took her and George's hat off. Smiling graciously left to right at the people seated along the outer rows your mother politely mouthed small hellos and good mornings as all three of you made your way down the aisle, her normal vocabulary filled with a plethora of her favourite profanities not once leaving her lips. Turning your head you quickly spotted Tommy sitting next to his family with a huge grin on his face, loving every second of the embarrassment he knew you was enduring. As the sound of your heels on the stone floor echoed loudly through the church, your entrance now the focus point of everyone's attention, you finally reached the alter with the Reverend stood beside it. You could almost feel the laughter Tommy and Arthur were holding back as your mother pushed you forward to bow. With a grunt leaving your throat you lowered your head, a small mischievous glint in your eye at the sudden, yet stupid idea to prove to your mother how unruly of a child you really was.

" Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been mere hours since I last pissed my mother off..." You said dramatically as your mother's eyes widened in embarrassment a gasp leaving her mouth as she grabbed you by the arm and span you back around, all while apologising profusely to the Priest now shaking his head at her. Oh the shame, the humiliation, she would never live this down. The gossip she would have to endure for months in the women's wash house was a fair consolation for her making you wear this god awful dress you proudly thought to yourself as you walked to find a seat. Sighing the Reverend lowered his eye as he turned the page of his sermon, longing to be appointed somewhere, anywhere out of Small Heath. No number of hail Mary's could save this sinful town. As you walked down the aisle the sudden sound of Tommy and Arthur laughing had you biting your inner cheek holding back your own amusement as you watched Polly snap her head in their direction.

" Shut up" Polly whispered as she reached over hitting each of them in the chest. "Bloody kids" she mouthed sympathetically to your mother as you all walked by.

" Girlfriend finally made it" Arthur whispered in Tommy's ear, knowing full well how smitten he was with you.

" Shes not my girlfriend, shut it" he muttered under his breath as you sent him a small wave which he quickly returned.

" Hi ya" Arthur laughed mocking him.

" Fuck off Arthur" Tommy replied as he elbowed him in the ribs leaving him wincing in pain.

" I'll let you have that one baby brother" he laughed rubbing his side.

" No fucking swearing in church!" Polly said quietly through gritted teeth as she hit the back of Tommy's head. It was always an eventful service when the Shelby's attended, which made you wonder what they had done to have their Aunt force them this time.

Walking out into the fresh air, free from the stuffy confines of the church you pushed back your hair behind your shoulders folding your arms as you faced the sun. Closing your eyes you sighed as the rays of light beamed onto your skin. With summer still a long way off you was enjoying the rare event in which the sun broke through the smoke filled skies of Small Heath. That was until you felt the warmth disappear and a large shadow take it's place. Opening your eyes you was met with Tommy Shelby standing right in front of you, a cigarette precariously hanging on the corner of his mouth, grinning from ear to ear.

" Get out the way you're blocking the sun" you said as you pushed him to the side closing your eyes again.

" Hmm, you are looking rather pasty"

" Thanks Thomas, you really know how to compliment a lady" you said taking the cigarette out his mouth as you walked over to sit on the brick wall just outside the church.

"Lady?" Tommy laughed as he sent you a cheeky smile." Nice dress by the way. You look like a flower girl"

" Shut up" you said playfully hitting his arm in response, hating everything about the overly embroidered puffy dress you were begrudgingly wearing. " Have you seen yourself?" you smirked looking down at his outfit "Think your Aunt needs to shorten those" you laughed as you nodded to the ends of his trousers bunched up around his boots.

" They're Arthur's hand-me-downs, the lanky git" he said kicking a stone on the ground that you both watched roll into the road.

" So what did you do this time to end up here on a Sunday morning?" You asked as you turned your head to face him.

" Aunt Pol found out Arthur stole one of the candelabras from the Reverends study. Convinced himself it was solid gold, you should have seen his face when we melted it down in Charlie's yard and it was copper" Tommy laughed as he looked back at you. " Polly was furious said he had sinned enough for the whole house and we were all damned to hell if we didn't come today" he explained further as his eyes lingered on your face, watching the way your nose scrunched up as you laughed, a sight he never got tired of. " So you coming later?" he asked leaning into you as he took his cigarette now stained with pink lipstick back from between your fingers, not that he minded.

" No absolutely not. Do you not remember the last time we followed one of Arthur's genius ideas?" you answered folding your arms having already made your mind up.

" He's got a map this time. Come on it will be fun" he said nudging his arm against yours.

" A map to what?"

" To where this rich fuck has all his liquor stored"

"Can I come?" John said running up to you both after overhearing the conversation, poking his brothers knee with a stick in attempt to get his attention which Tommy quickly put a stop to by giving him a kick in the shin.

" No, fuck off " Tommy said pushing him away from in front of him as John stormed off crying in search of his Aunt. " So how about it? "

" Fine, but only because it's your birthday tomorrow" you said giving in as you both smiled to eachother. "But this better be fool proof. I can't risk getting in trouble with my mum again, she's a few breaths away from kicking me out"

" That's alright, you can come live with me" he said winking to you as you looked up at him through your lashes, blushing a darker shade of pink than your dress." We'll come by to get you at eleven, don't be late ok? "

" I'm never late" you responded as Tommy rolled his eyes flicking his cigarette onto the ground. If there was one thing he had learnt over the years it was that you was always late.

" Thomas Michael Shelby! " Polly shouted as she stormed over to you both, dragging John with her by the arm.

"Shit. Right I'm off" Tommy said quickly pecking your cheek as he jumped over the wall running away from his Aunt. Bringing your hand up to your face you pressed your fingers to your skin, a smile dancing on your lips as you turned around to watch Tommy run into the back alleys of Small Heath, fleeing from the fury coming his way. Thomas Michael Shelby your best friend, your partner in crime and also the boy you had been head over heels for as long as you could remember. What a sorry story your limited love life had already been, endlessly pining for a boy you had convinced yourself only saw you as a friend, desperately hoping he felt the same.

It was just after noon when you Tommy and Arthur made your way over the wooden fencing onto the large mansions land. Having never once left the city limits in all of your eighteen years of life you was taken aback by the sheer size of the house in front of you. Surrounded by luscious green grass, rows of trees adorning its drive way, you was sure it was something only seen in films, a far cry from the mud and dirt of Small Heath.

" Give me the map" Tommy said as Arthur handed it to him whilst he looked over the brick wall separating you and the owner who was outside sitting in a garden chair.

"Arthur he has a dog. A mean looking thing" you said as Tommy stood beside you squinting at the map in his hand.

"Yeh well, he would have still been out with that dog hunting, but you were late" Tommy interjected with a smile on his face, having been right about your constant tardiness.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist Y/N, I've been coming here every day for the past week feeding him leftovers, he likes me. He won't make a peep " Arthur said trying to reassure you as you rolled your eyes at him knowing anything the eldest Shelby said was not to be trusted and far from the actual truth.

" Jesus Christ Arthur" Tommy said throwing the map at his brothers chest. " This is a fucking map for a house in London!"

" Ay?" Arthur said as he straightened it out in front of him. " Where's it say that? " he asked as Tommy snatched it back from him pointing at the words "London" written right underneath the name of the house.

" Well how was I supposed to bloody know. They should have put it at the very top"

" It's in fucking capitals Arthur, how can you not..."

" Right I'm going home" you said as the two brothers continued to argue. As always Arthur's ideas were never properly thought out, often getting you in trouble more than anything else.

" Wait Y/N no, come on stay" Tommy said as he looked back to his older brother widening his eyes in gesture to help him convince you not to leave.

" Y/N " Arthur said as he put his arm around your shoulder. " We're at the back entrance. He probably keeps it down in the basement, it won't be far. You're the only one small enough to shimmy through the window to open the lock on the other side. Come on, dont let us down, it's Tom's birthday tomorrow. "

" Fine. But if I put another ladder in my stockings you're paying for a new pair" you said pointing to him as Arthur placed a wooden crate below the window for you to stand on.

"Atta girl" Arthur said as he turned his head around winking to Tommy as you climbed through the window, quickly making in through to the other side. Pushing past his brother, Tommy went to open the door when the dog Arthur promised wouldn't bark suddenly started to do exactly that.

" Hey! Who's there?" the owner said as you all ran into the house. " Get 'em boy" he shouted as his dog came charging round the corner into the building.

" Fucking traitor! After all the food I gave you" Arthur shouted as you all ran down the hall, making your way up to the second level.

" What did you feed him with?" you asked breathlessly as you ran beside them, Tommy's hand resting on your back making sure you didn't get left behind.

"Sprouts"

"Sprouts!" You and Tommy both shouted looking back at him.

" It's all we had"

" No wonder he bloody hates you" Tommy said as all three of you came to a stop behind a wall waiting for a maid to walk by.

" Sniff them out" the owner said as you heard the sound of the dogs nails clicking on the wooden floorboards, getting closer by the second.

" Shiiit, run! Hide! Arthur giggled as you legged it down one of the second floor corridors, Tommy quickly pulling you into a small storage room to the side as Arthur continued to run down the hall. Breathless, you both looked up at eachother as a fit of laughs left your lips. Bringing his finger up to his mouth Tommy gestured for you to be quiet as the sound of the owner walking along the corridor quickly brought your giggles to a stop. Taking in your surroundings you suddenly realised how close you were to eachother. Cardboard boxes were stacked as high as the ceiling all around you, there was barely enough space for one person let alone two.

" Is he gone?" you whispered to which Tommy nodded, his eyes looking over you as he too started to realise how close you were to one another." You're taking all the space" you said trying to free yourself from the uncomfortable position you was in.

" Y/N my backs pushed up against the door. I don't have any more room to move" he said as you huffed in response moving your arm that was stuck between you to the side. Silence fell upon the small room as you continued to fidget in place whilst Tommy cleared his throat, his eyes darting between you and the surrounding boxes.

" What? Why do you keep looking at me like that" you said with a thrown on your face.

" I'm not looking at you like anything" Tommy replied as he quickly glanced away. With your focus now elsewhere, Tommy's eyes drifted down to both of your bodies pressed up against eachother, biting his inner cheek in attempt to rid himself of all the thoughts going through his mind. Taking in every delicate feature of your face, Tommy felt his heart quicken as he continued to stare down at you. God you were beautiful, he had been wanting to tell you those very words for years, wanted to ask you out, tell you how he felt. But unlike his old brother who seemed to have endless amounts of confidence when it came to girls, Tommy never found the courage to make a move. Instead he begrudgingly tormented himself, watching all the boys of Small Heath try their luck with you.

" You're doing it again, stop it!" you said squinting your eyes as you looked up to see him still staring down at you. " You're making me nervous"

" What else am I supposed to look at, you're right in front of me " he said with a small sigh. Just ask her you idiot, he thought to himself as he peered at you in the corner of his eye.

" Y/N erm, I was wondering..." he started to say when you grabbed his hand your eyes widening in a panic.

" Shh. Did you hear that?" You said as you looked behind him to the door.

" Its just a window blowing open" he replied as he glanced down at your hand still holding onto his. Throwing his head back Tommy shook his head, frustrated that the moment he had finally found the courage to ask you out you had cut him off. Bringing his eyes back down to look at you, Tommy took a deep breath. If he couldn't say how he felt he would show it. What was the worse that could happen?

" Fuck it" he said as he cupped your cheeks crashing his lips onto yours. For a brief moment you resisted taken by surprise at Tommy's unexpected move until your whole body finally relaxed and you quickly melted into the kiss. There was no technique to it, wet, messy, all tongues and teeth. But as your lips interlocked you felt a flutter of butterflies fill your stomach, your hands finding their way to his shoulders as Tommy enthusiastically pushed you back the few centimeters remaining between you and the wall behind you.

" Owh" you said as your head hit the wall, the thump loud enough for anyone to hear.

" Shit, sorry" Tommy said as a small giggle escaped your mouth at his overly keen display. Pressing your lips back onto his the kiss was smoother, a small whimper leaving your throat as his tongue brushed over yours. Moaning, Tommy's hand dropped from your waist to your leg as his fingers travelled under you skirt grazing over your suspenders. Things were getting heated, very heated.

" Wait, Tommy I've, i'm a.."

" Fuck sorry, I wasn't trying to" Tommy awkwardly said cutting you and himself off. " Wait, you're a Virgin?" he asked with a small smile etched on the corner of his lips his brows slightly raised.

" Why do you look so surprised? " you answered back, your whole face scrunched up in annoyance.

" No nothing. It's just I didn't think you was...you know" he replied unable to formulate his own words.

" Oh and you're not? You really think I believed that ridiculous story you told us all last summer about how you gave Irene five orgasms in ten minutes" you scoffed with a laugh as Tommy's cheeks suddenly went a crimson shade of red, his hands dropping from your waist.

" Jesus...thanks Y/N" Tommy said looking away with a huff unable to physically move away from the embarrassment surrounding him.

" Slightly exaggerated don't you think? " you giggled as Tommy looked back at you, his hands now on his hips.

" You done?" he huffed as you bit your bottom lip trying to hold back the laugh that was seconds away from escaping. As Tommy pressed his lips back onto yours the small giggle unable to contain itself finally broke free.

" Stop it, I'm trying to concentrate" he said smiling into your lips as he continued to kiss you, his hands roaming over the curves of your body when the door suddenly flew open.

" Oi oi, what's going on in here then? " Arthur said grinning at you both as you let go of eachother. Rolling your eyes you walked out the small room pushing past him the box of whisky and leg of ham he was holding. "Get to second base baby brother?" Arthur sniggered as Tommy thumped him in the arm.

" Fuck off Arthur" Tommy pouted leaving the room and his older brother in fits of laughter. Both barely out the door, your eyes widened as the owner and his dog turned the corner.

" You little bastards. I've seen your faces. I know who you are! You're those trouble making Shelby boys. And look, you've brought your little whore with you, that dead drunk idiot's daughter. How did you petty little thieves make it out of Small Heath, steal a car?"

" Hey! Nobody gets to call her a whore but us" Arthur warned the owner pointing his finger at him as Tommy protectively pushed you behind him. Now in a stand-off between the owner and his drooling dog growling at you, you watched as he unclasped the large metal chain from the dogs collar.

" Go on boy get 'em!" he commanded when Tommy grabbed the leg of ham out the crate in Arthur's arms, launching it in the dog's direction.

" My bloody ham!" Arthur said, furious his dinner had been tossed to the the very dog he felt had betrayed him.

" Run!" Tommy shouted as you all turned around.

" I'm calling the police!"

" Thanks for the whisky old man" Arthur laughed running down the stairs as you and Tommy followed behind him, mentally noting never to follow one of Arthur's ideas again.

Several hours had passed and you Tommy, Arthur and a girl he had picked up along the way were sitting around a campfire in the local woods where Arthur and Tommy's families two vardos were, sipping on the finest whisky you had ever tasted. You couldn't remember the amount of times they had brought you out here to camp, taking you away for a brief moment from the smoke filled air, from the memories of your father that hung over you thicker than any fogged filled skies, a grief you wouldn't have made it through without them. As you sat looking at the flames of the fire mesmerised by their orange glow Tommy glanced over to you, watching the flickering lights from the campfire cast a golden hue on your skin, desperate to be alone with you again, the kiss you shared earlier repeatedly playing out in his head.

" Come on love, let's leave them to it" Arthur said standing up taking his dates hand after noticing his brother staring at you. " See you in the morning" Arthur winked back to Tommy opening the small caravan door, squeezing the girls bum as they both entered. " If the caravan be rocking, don't come a knocking!" Arthur laughed as he shut the door leaving you alone with Tommy.

" Dickhead" Tommy mumbled under his breath as you looked away, biting your bottom lip at how awkward Arthur had suddenly made everything. "It's getting late" you said standing up as you brushed the mud and twigs off your skirt looking back at the other vardo.

" I'll sleep out here" Tommy said as he sat up throwing another log onto the fire.

" You can't sleep out here, you'll freeze to death. Come on, it's not like we've never slept in the same bed" you said only just realising how different this time would be.

" Right, yeh...ok" Tommy said clearing his throat as he stood up.

As you settled into the small bed you watched as Tommy took of his hat and coat, your heart rapidly beating as nerves started to mount in your stomach. Climbing under the covers Tommy turned to face you, his fingers coming up to brush the strands of hair away from your face. Leaning into eachother, both of you turned your head in the same direction, awkwardly banging your foreheads together, resulting in a fit of laughs leaving your lips as Tommy shook his head at you. It was quite possible you were the giggliest girl he had ever met. Relaxing you recomposed yourself as Tommy pressed his lips to yours in a tender embrace. As his hand moved to your lower back, pressing your body closer to his your breath hitched in you throat, nerves now consuming every movement you made. Pulling away Tommy rubbed his thumb over your hip, in an effort to help you relax.

" Let's just lay here together, yeh?" he said taking the pressure away from you, not wanting to rush you into anything you wasn't ready for you as you nodded your head, thankful for his understanding nature. Rolling onto his back Tommy brought you closer into his side as he stroked up and down your arm, happy to finally have you in his arms.

" I nearly forgot" you said as you sat up leaning across him to pick up your coat.

" Happy Birthday" you said pulling out a small gift wrapped in cloth.

" My birthdays not until tomorrow " he chuckled as he sat up.

" It will be in ten minutes" you said as you looked down at your watch, quickly returning your eyes to him pulling out a gold pocket watch from within the delicate fabric.

" Jesus Y/N...you got this for me, how? " he said with a huge grin on his face as he looked to you.

" All those hours pressing clothes. Took me almost a year to be able to afford it"

"Come here" he said bringing you into a hug as you settled back down into the bed together." Thank you" he added as he pressed a kiss to your forehead feeling happier than any win he had ever won at the races.

With his arm securely wrapped around you Tommy couldn't stop the smile on his face as he looked down at the watch in his hand, it was nicest thing he owned and the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. Glancing at your wristwatch, Tommy turned the dials to the right time, when you took it from him turning it back a further five minutes.

" It's five minutes too late" he said watching you press the knob down.

" That way I'll always be on time for you" you giggled handing it back as Tommy chuckled shaking his head.

" Yeh just means I won't be on time for anything" he smiled closing the watch, keeping it tightly clasped in his hand as you nuzzled your head into his chest.

" Tommy?"

" Mm-hm?" he said as his eyes were about to close.

" What do you think we'll be doing this time ten years from now"

" The same thing" he smiled as his thumb rubbed over the curve of your shoulder. "Only naked" he said as he opened one eye looking to you.

" Tommy!" You said, giving him a small punch to the arm. " I'm serious, what do you think we'll be doing?"

" The same thing Y/N" he said with certainty as he tuned his head to face you. " You'll be in my arms every night from now on, that's a promise" he said as he looked lovingly back at you before giving you one last peck to the lips as you both closed your eyes, dreaming of the future and everything coming your way. Even though you were both young with your whole lives ahead of you one thing was for certain, in that moment you had no doubts that you wouldn't spend the rest of your lives together and every night in each others arms.

Ten years later...

Laughs and chatter of people enjoying eachothers company hummed around you as you sat quietly in the corner of the Garrison, the drink in your hand untouched as the night you and Tommy spent together this time ten years ago asleep in each others arms cruelly played out in your head. As a tear fell from your eye you looked up across the room to see the new barmaid sat tightly against Tommy's body, his arm resting around her shoulders. Tonight it wouldn't be you wrapped in his arms, tonight you would sleep alone as regret over decisions you had made weighed down your already broken heart. Standing up from your seat Tommy's eyes quickly darted to you, watching you pull your coat around you as you brushed the tears from your face, leaving the Garrison in a hurry unable to withstand anymore.

Clutching your coat around you from the cold night air you pushed the last tears from your cheeks as the pain in your heart dug further into your chest.

" Y/N" you heard your name being called by the very man you didn't want to see you like this.

"Yes Tommy" you said turning around as he waited at the Garrison door.

" I need you to go finish those papers at the betting shop for tomorrow" he said lighting a cigarette as he stepped a little closer.

" It's nearly midnight..." you replied as you watched him pull out his pocket watch to check the time. Quickly closing it Tommy clutched it tightly in his hand as he looked back at you. For a brief moment that's all he did as if the memories of that night had suddenly come flooding back to him. Maybe they had never left, and Tommy's heart was aching as much of yours, either way you could never tell, for just as quickly as his face softened for those brief few moments his demeanor abruptly changed, a scowl now spread across his face.

" The deadlines tomorrow " he said sharply looking to you as you shivered in the cold, your eyes red from crying.

" Ok Tommy" you said like you always did, at his beck and call night and day, desperately hanging onto the love you still felt for him. Without saying another word you turned on your heel heading for Watery Lane.

" You not going to wish me a happy birthday then?" Tommy called out as he watched you walk away.

" Happy birthday Tommy" you replied, the words catching in your throat, tears streaming down your face as you walked briskly off into the night. So much had changed over the years, so many promises broken, hearts broken along with them. But yet you still held on, hopelessly devoted to the man who promised to hold you in his arms every night.

(Part Two coming soon!)

Tag list: @cosniffee @jonsncws @powellssaturn @jessimay89 @bruher @riseandreigns4u @mariaelizabeth21-blog1

#fic recommendation #hopelessly in love #MUST READ #I have so many QUESTIONS #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby fanfic

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tarotwitchy · 3 years ago

Text

{pick-a-card readings}

💟 ALL CREDITS BELONG TO THE CREATORS OF THESE IMAGES!

I want to rebrand my PAC readings so that this blog can gain uniformity somehow. I know I've been so inactive these past few weeks. And I honestly have no other excuse; I'm really just stuck in a rut, and I feel uninspired. My spirit is quite exhausted. 🥲 But this one is for my followers, and the tarot community. I hope this resonates!

Please remember that this is a general reading, and may/may not apply to you or your situation.

❌ Please do not plagiarize my work, or post it elsewhere without my permission and credits. Thank you! ❌

Pile 1 - Black

The Hanged Man • 4 of Swords • Knight of Wands • Page of Swords • King of Pentacles • Wheel of Fortune • Man & Ship

With this pile, I sense a feeling of frustrated postponement. You are in the stage of life wherein you're trying to start a new chapter of your life, regardless if you've been through a bad situation or not. You want to consciously make the decision of proactive change in your life — this could be in the form of your daily routine, your job, your living situations, where you live, your friends, etc. This isn't to say that your current situation is in a negative place right now. Perhaps, you really just want to clean new slate to refresh your outlook in life. Or maybe, you truly want to get away and cut off people and aspects that no longer serve you. And that's perfectly fine! However, you're also in the situation of dealing with the nitty-gritty details of this process. Change is a messy ordeal, and that's okay. There's no "one size fits all" primer when it comes to developing oneself.

Enter your Future Spouse! I really sense that for the majority of you, you'd meet them at a time of movement or while you're transitioning from one place to another. It could be that you're actually moving houses, or changing jobs, or improving your health by going to the gym/yoga centers. It's all relative and subjective to your situation. And when this happens, there is a resistance coming from your side. You're not going ti immediately give in to this person's offers of partnership. You're probably going to think you're not ready for a relationship by then because you're so busy and preoccupied by your personal self-development. And this person is truly going to notice your efforts and motivation to improve yourself, they'll be amazed and will respect you during this time. They will be playful with you in a teasing way, and some of you will get annoyed at them! 😂 But please bear in mind that they're just trying to make things a bit more lighthearted.

You're not going to immediately be their partner. But they will keep on sticking with you and blending in the background, coming to your aid when you least expect them. They have the resources to proving for you, and they'll think to themselves, "why not give them assistance when I can afford to do so?" Their generosity at the messiest, confusing, and stressful time of your life is what's going to attract you to them in the long run.

Pile 2 - Beige

King of Pentacles • Knight of Cups • Queen of Pentacles • The Hanged Man • 4 of Pentacles • The Fool • Woman & Sun

I saw intense, challenging yet playful eyes from this pile. Both of you will be at the time of financial stability and career promotions when you meet each other. You and your Future Spouse are both very ambitious and would take no crap when it comes to money-making. There's a scenario that popped in my mind when looking at this pile's spread. Maybe, there's a business deal that has to be made between the two of you. And since both of you are in the business of making negotiations, no one is backing down from each other's offers! 😂 The aura and energies of this pile are screaming confidence and assertion.

But instead of negativity and tenseness, both of you would confidently rise up to the challenge of meeting in the middle when it comes to this business deal. You'd be amazed at how both of you can think of the same thing and ideas at the same time, and they'll be at awe with your ability to think quick on your feet. They probably have never met someone like you — who is self-assured and confident — in this field of work. Where most people fold or lose their heads over negotiations, you are able to go head-to-head in a calm yet convicted way against their deals. They admire this quality from you immediately.

Aside from this, both of you are in the stages of life when you're at your prime; career-wise, and maturity level as well. At first, your Future Spouse might be reserved from you to try and test the waters with you. But they know that you know what they're trying to do! They know that you can see through their charade. And this amazes them to the point of further falling in love and respect you. You are your own boss, and they won't even attempt to try and control or undermine you because you know your worth at this time of your life. You've probably learned this lesson in the past and have worked hard in developing your character and self-confidence. Where they were able to goad and manipulate other people to do their bidding before meeting you, they know they won't even think about doing it. The respect they have for you is immense. And this goes both ways as well. You admire the sound head on their shoulders. Both of you will be that couple that builds an empire together.

Pile 3 - Purple

The Empress • King of Cups • 9 of Swords • 7 of Swords • 2 of Cups • Queen of Cups • Anchor & Tree

[Oh, how beautiful this pile is. 🥲 By far, this is my favorite amongst all the other piles — and I don't usually play favorites! Side note: "I Hear a Symphony" by Cody Fry started playing from my song library, and I swear you all should listen to this song while reading this pile.]

You will meet your Future Spouse at a time in your life wherein your mental health is at it's healthiest! 😭 This is such a healing, emotionally calm, validating, and just... loving energy I'm picking up. It's like, you want to bask in this energy forever. I could cry tears of joy for people who picked this pile.

You've found your forever-person at your best. Regardless of financial stability, or material possessions, or any tangible measurements of "success" society has placed on us, you are already completely secure and calm. You've been through the ringer, Pile 3. 😢 Past relationships that have been traumatic for you, childhood traumas, and constant internal turmoil that you have been dealing with all these years, you have truly healed from all of this and embraced your journey to recovery. Your resilience is astoundingly amazing. It wasn't an easy road to fulfill a healthy mindset, and to heal from past traumas. And you understand other's journeys to recovery as well. Still being able to stand on your feet after life tried to kick you down time and time again is something you are very proud of.

This would be one of the reasons why your Future Spouse was drawn to you. Your calming and emotionally mature aura is seeping through your skin like body shimmer. Everybody around you can feel the strong person behind the tranquil and peaceful face you project. And your Future Spouse wants to bask in this positive energy you emit. I really sense that people go to you for comfort and understanding when life gets tough, and your Future Spouse is no exception. Perhaps, you were volunteering somewhere, and their eyes just landed on you while working with people — and they sense the genuineness behind your intentions to actually help people. And they fall in love with you, just like that! This is such a beautiful picture I see in my mind. I'm really, really happy for those who chose this pile because you deserve to be happy and to be loved. 💛

Pile 4 - Red

King of Pentacles • 10 of Cups • 10 of Pentacles • 2 of Pentacles • 5 of Swords • 2 of Cups • Rider & Clover

Truth be told, I can't really pinpoint a specific "time" or moment when you'll be able to meet your Future Spouse. I'm just not sensing an exact situation or point in life when you're going to encounter each other. But I can say this; you will just... know. You'll know this person is the right one regardless of circumstances. With the Rider together with the Clover Lenormand cards, I got the feeling that both of you have been anticipating and are actually proactive in your searches for partners to settle down with. So, in a sense, this is a long-time-coming type of situation.

[This portion gets a bit steamy, so a generous 18+ warning is given here.]

For some of you, you'll be meeting through a sexual encounter. Or perhaps, it would lead to a situation that gets sexual at the end of the day or night. If you're not feeling very comfortable with "one night stands" and casual hook-ups, I have a feeling this person would be the one that'll make you feel very assured that they aren't expecting anything sexual from you. They will follow your lead and your level of comfort; and for some of you, you'd actually be the ones to initial this encounter. That's how much you feel safe with this person. And to extend that thought, this is when you realize they're your Future Spouse. The chemistry between the two of you are so palpable that people around you may have the tendency to tease you guys about it. They'd probably tell you to "get a room" because of steamy glances, flirtatious advances with each other, and just the general feeling of being so confidently attracted with each other that people will say "finally!" when the two of you get married.

All of this points to one thing; the two of you found each other at the right time and situation you'd almost believe there was some sort of Divine Intervention that happened. You'd be the couple wherein your children will make disgusted faces and noises because you're still very much in love and sexually attracted to each other even after all the years of being together. There's no sense of getting tired of one another. You and your Future Spouse are very much made for each other, and both of you are seen as the model couple that most people aspire to become.

{masterlist}

[Don't repost, copy, or reword]

#pick a card #pick a card reading #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pac #pac reading #pac readings #tarot #tarot reading #tarot readings #future spouse reading #future spouse readings #pick a card future spouse #pick a pile future spouse #divination #cartomancy #astrology #TarotWitchy

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starlightxsvt · 3 years ago

Text

3 dates | epilogue

pairing ➳ badboy!Seungcheol x female!reader

genre ➳ badboy au, romance, some fluff, angst, bad attempt at humour, gets spicy at the end.

word count ➳ 3.5k (total 15.6k)

warnings ➳ cursing, mentions of killing, mentions criminal activities, slight violence(non explicit), smoking, ma man Seungcheol ain't your typical badboy, blackmailing, reader does all sorts of risky things cuz she's a SIMP, blood(nothing explicit), kissing, marking, some breast worshipping, grinding, reader is horny lol. (Please lemme know if I forgot anything.)

a/n : here's the epilogue to 3 dates since tumb1r won't let me post the whole fic in one post :) Enjoy!

Part 1

As time progresses and days turn into weeks and then into months you are not left with the luxury to cry over Seungcheol. Instead you are bombarded with assignments and projects from your uni and you drown yourself completely in work to forget the scathing pain. Katelyn figured out something is wrong with you and even though talking about that man pains you too much, you told her that you are done with him and you won't be seeing him again in this lifetime. Katelyn did not ask any questions after that as you said you needed time to heal, time to forget even though you have serious doubts he'd ever leave your mind.

You have also applied for an internship to keep you even busier so that when you return home you are too tired to let the thoughts of him plague your mind as you drift off to sleep. And just like that, you have developed a routine, work, eat and sleep, trying your best to allow yourself to not think about him.

Despite that sometimes, some very few times, you think of him, wonder how he's doing, wonder if he's safe. You ponder if he thinks of you, if he regrets his decision but you don't have any answer. You simply hope he does.

After another day full of assignments and projects you almost doze off to sleep as soon as you hit your bed until you are intruded by the loud ringing of your phone. Annoyed, you reach for it, wondering who would be calling so late.

The caller ID has your heart doing a backflip, the name you were unable to delete from your heart and your phone flashing on the screen as you instantly sit up in your bed. It's Seungcheol.

Why is he calling so late?

You wait a few seconds, scared to pick up, scared that he might have called accidentally. But before you lose your chance, you inhale deeply and pick the call up. "Hello?" You speak, your voice tentative.The silence from the other end makes your heart fall and your suspicion come true. He called you accidentally and now he will realize it and hang up. You're about to speak again when his voice floats through.

"Hi."

The emotions you feel are overwhelming, undescribable. You're relieved, you're sad, you're excited, you want to cry and scream at the same time. That one word from him has you feeling tingles all over and makes you feel like you just did a hundred laps. Anyhow you manage to speak. "Hey." Your voice almost cracks and tears almost slip past your cheeks. You don't know why you are so emotional. "I just...I just wanted to hear your voice." He sounds so tired...so dejected and your heart breaks. Never in your life did you imagine him to call and say those words to you but instead of feeling happy, a current of melancholy hits you.

Why does he sound so broken?

"Seungcheol? Is...is everything alright?" Your voice is feather like, soft and careful. You hear him sigh loudly and you get your answer. Instead of replying to you, he asks, "How have you been?"

"I'm...fine," you lie. You have been nowhere near fine. He hums noncommittally and you're about to ask him the same question before you realize how dumb it would be. If his voice is any indication he is anything but fine. "____?" He calls your name softly. "Y-yes?" You whisper.

He stays silent, for so long that you think he hung up. "I- I just...can I see you?" He seems to have a hard time gathering his words.

What? You lurch out of bed pushing your covers aside in excitement, trying to prevent a gasp out of your lips. Did you even hear correctly? He wants to see you?

"Wha... what do you mean?" You mumble. You hear him sigh loudly, "I...I am in front of your apartment. Just come down for a minute." You don't need to hear any more words as you are dashing towards your front door in your pajamas, not disconnecting the call. You take the elevator and come out of the building as fast as possible, bumping into things in your way but not giving a care. You feet stops as you stand in front of the entrance to your building, eyes searching wildly for Seungcheol. "Stay there," his voice comes through the phone, just as you spot him standing on the opposite to your building, decently far but not far enough that you can't see.

A horrified gasp leaves your mouth as your eyes finally land on him.

He stands there, bruised, his beautiful face marred with scratches and wounds, his clothes having patches of dirt and if you are seeing correctly his left arm is bleeding as he holds the phone next to his ear with the other.

"Seungcheol-" you're about to rush towards him. "Don't move." He cuts you off, looking you in the eye. Even from afar you don't miss the dark, commanding gaze of him. "Just...just stay there. Just...let me look at you."

No- why is he doing this?

Tears slip down your cheeks, "Seungcheol-" You are interrupted once more, "Please. I- I missed you and...I needed to see you. Just let me hear your voice and look at you like this." His voice almost cracks and you can see the emotion in his eyes.

Your heart breaks.

Why does he keep doing this? Why does he keep pushing you away? Why does he torment himself like this?

You stand there, rooted to the ground, quiet sobs leaving your mouth. He comes here all bruised and wounded and expects you to stay away? How can you when you can clearly see him in pain?

You grip the phone tighter, watching him as he stands there, not moving an inch. His eyes never leaves you as he drinks you in, like this is the last time he's gonna look at you. You can't stand it anymore. Hanging up the phone you run towards him, as fast as your nimble legs can carry you. You can't stay away, you just can't. Not when he looks so hurt and lost and lonely.

Your body smashes against his as you wrap your arms tightly around his torso, your head buried in his chest. He stumbles back from the force and for a while he stays unmoved and you hold your breath, half expecting him to shove you away. But he doesn't. Instead he pulls you firmly against him resting your head on his chest while burying his face in your hair.

The tears come naturally. Loud, ungraceful sobs emerge from you as you cling to him like your life depends on it, your grip on him unyielding. Seungcheol softly pets your hair as your cries fill the silence of the cold night. You pull back just a little to look at his face and you want to once more. There's a cut above his brow and some bruises on his cheek and nose and another cut on his lower lip. But you can't bring yourself to care as you lean above to press your lips against his. You don't dare hold back, kissing him like the world is about to end. Seungcheol reciprocates, tilting your head for better access as his tongue prods into your mouth and you taste the metallic flavour of blood. The kiss is messy, all teeth and tongue, an outpour of the bottled up feelings of the last couple months.

You both take a lungful of air when you pull back and you're about to dive in for more when you realize his arm is injured. "Wha- how did this happen?" You hiccup, wiping away your tears as you gently reach for his bleeding arm. His clothes are torn at the part of the wound and from what you can see, it looks like a knife injury, a thin, slanted cut on his upper arm as if someone slashed him. "It's nothing," he says trying to push your hand away.

"It's not nothing, Seungcheol!" You're yelling before you know it. It's the exasperation, the accumulated frustration over the days that makes you snap.

Seungcheol seems to be shocked at your outburst as he blinks at you, an astonished look on his face. He's kind enough to reply honestly this time. "Got into a fight. I was outnumbered. It's okay, it's nothing serious, I've had worse," his voice is small, almost timid which is definitely unlike him.

Of course he has had worse.

You let out a tired breath. "Come on, you're bleeding. Let me help you." You wrap a hand around his uninjured arm, tugging him towards your apartment.

"No, you don't have to-" he protests but you pin him down with a look. "Please," you speak, your voice low. "I can't let you go like this. Just let me clean your wound." Seungcheol presses his lips into a thin line as if trying to prevent himself from speaking further. When no more words leave his mouth, you drag him into your building in silence.

Entering your unit you help Seungcheol sit down in your small living space as you quickly pad towards the bathroom for the first aid kit. When you return you find him looking around your place with a curious glow in his eyes similar to a child's. As your eyes meet, he sits up straighter and tries to remove his jacket. You aid him in the process, discarding the material on the floor as you take a seat next to him, the first aid kit in your lap.

Thankfully he's wearing a tank top as it gives you easy access to his biceps. You would have stopped to admire and ogle them if he wasn't hurt, which he is and you mentally smack yourself for having such thoughts right now. Seungcheol's eyes does not leave your face as he silently gazes at you and if you didn't know any better you would say he looked at you fondly.

Swallowing, you sanitize your hands before proceeding to clean his wound. Seungcheol tenses beside you, low, pained grunts leaving his lips a few times as you disinfect the cut. But he says nothing, letting you do the work and you don't speak either focused on the task at hand. You then do the same for his face and finish your work by wrapping a bandage around his bicep and sitting back, exhaling a satisfied sigh. Unintentionally your eyes connect to his and you find his scorching gaze on you, those mesmerising eyes almost piercing through your soul. Feeling self aware, you abruptly stand up, coughing to clear your throat. "You should take a shower. I have some extra clothes for my parents when they come over. My dad's clothes should fit you."

"No, it's alright. I should leave." He murmurs. "You're already here. Might as well take a shower. There's no rush," you say sternly, trying to make him agree.

Truth is you want him to stay, at least the night.

Seungcheol sits quietly for a while as if contemplating before surrendering with a sigh. "Okay." "Good. The bathroom's this way," you point towards the attached bath in your room and Seungcheol mutely follows. You offer him a towel and you dad's pajamas, hoping they'd do the job for tonight as he closes the door behind him.

As silence fill the apartment, you quietly return to your bed and sit, anxiously chewing on your lower lip. The digital clock beside your bed reads 2:50 am but your sleep is long gone.

Choi Seungcheol is here. In your house.

Will he spend the night? Or will he be his stubborn self and leave as soon as he is out? And if he does stay, will you see him in morning? Or will he be gone before the sun is up? The thoughts running rampant in your mind gives you a headache as you groan, rubbing your temples. You are sure Seungcheol feels something for you, he has to. Otherwise why would he come to you in the middle of the night? If only he told you his feelings, spilled his heart out to you rather than hiding and pushing you away. He just needs to bare himself to you, tell you what is in his heart. Why can't he do that? Why can't he just give the two of you a chance?

Your thoughts are interrupted as Seungcheol steps out the bathroom, half naked, the pajama pants hanging low on his hips as his muscled body is displayed in all its glory, making your throat dry. He looks at you before quickly looking away as an air awkwardness and tension fills the room. You hold your breath, watching him intently, not moving a single muscle as he tentatively takes a seat at the corner of your bed while wiping his wet hair with the towel hanging around his neck.

You want to tell him to stay the night, the words right on the tip of your tongue but you're terrified that it will just make him walk out here immediately. So instead you watch him with bated breath, waiting for his next move, waiting for him to say something, anything that will put an end to this deafening silence.

Seungcheol takes mercy on you.

"Thank you," he says, voice barely audible. You don't know what he's thanking you for you reply anyway. "Welcome. Though I don't know what you are thanking me for." Seungcheol remains silent for a few beats, his eyes focused on the floor before replying. "For everything. I have a lot to thank you for."

Okay.

You nod mutely, unable to figure out a reply. Another wave of silence settles in the atmosphere like a blanket. You take this time to appreciate his beautiful profile, engraving his features in your mind. The moonlight coming from your window falls on his face partially, illuminating his sculpted lineaments. You get to admire his beauty once more as he sits there but the look on his face tugs at your heartstrings. He looks troubled and in pain, the natural glow of his face somewhat dim. You wonder how the past couple of months have treated him. You wonder how life has been treating him, if he had someone to go to, someone to share his worries with all this time.

"Do you still like me?" His words make your eyes widen as it the last thing you expected to come from him. "You wouldn't be here if I didn't," your words come out harsher than you intended making you regret instantly. Perhaps the pain you have suffered for a while is coming out finally. However, seeing his silence, you reply once more, voice much softer this time, "Of course I still like you, Seungcheol. I have...I have never liked anyone or anything as much as you."

It's an understatement. What you feel for him is love but you would rather keep that to yourself.

"Why?" Seungcheol's voice comes out as a croak as his eyes connect to yours. For the first time, you see so much emotion in them and maybe, maybe even some unshed tears, though you can't be sure because the light is not sufficient right now. Your throat closes up for some reason as your eyes mirror the emotions in his and you desperately try to think, try to give him a reply that he deserves.

"You are very easy to like," you say lamely. Your reply is insufficient but that's all you can manage without starting to bawl like a child. A humourless laugh comes out of Seungcheol and echoes through the otherwise quiet room. "I doubt that," he says, his voice deep. "It's true Seungcheol," you repeat, voice firm.

A mirthless grin settles on his face and you know he isn't buying your words. Swallowing, you carefully, too carefully, scoot towards him and sit down, maintaining a little space between the the two of you. "I don't understand why you hold such negative thoughts about yourself but believe me Seungcheol, it's hard not to fall in love with you."

Your slip-up causes your eyes to widen, face drowning in embarrassment as you realize you just said the L word. Seungcheol, however, does not react to it but turns his head to study your face and the pain and sentiment in his eyes, his passionate gaze on you makes you forget human language. You've never seen nor imagined Seungcheol to be so full of ardor and pain and now that you have, you don't know what to do. You just want to cling to him and cry like a child.

"Can't you see how fucked up I am? What and awful person I am, ____? Someone like me deserves noth-" Unable to hold yourself back you interrupt him by cupping both of his cheeks and pressing your lips to his. You kiss him softly, carefully, trying to gauge his feelings while trying not to push him too hard. Seungcheol stays immobilised, letting you kiss him like that. When you pull back, his eyes are closed and he rests his forehead against yours. "You are just fine, Seungcheol. I like you just the way you are. Don't...beat yourself up like this, hmm?" Your voice is just above a whisper as you tilt his head to meet his eyes. Seungcheol stares quietly at you for a while before suddenly pushing you back and caging you underneath his large body. A squeak of surprise leaves your lips as Seungcheol wastes no time wrapping himself around you while attaching his lips to yours.

This time the kiss is not soft, it is full of passion and vigour and longing as Seungcheol takes the reign. Your lips mold perfectly against each other and Seungcheol does not hold back, kissing you like a starved man; all teeth and tongue. He pulls back for a while, supporting himself on his elbows as you looks at you while you try to catch your breath underneath him. His hand comes to stroke your hair gently, like a lover and your eyes burn at his tenderness.

"Seungcheol-"

"Is there still a place for me in your heart?" He asks, a hopeful note in his voice. His words leave you breathless as you gape at him in suprise, you mouth open slightly. Seungcheol looks at you look longingly as he waits for your answer, which comes easily, without a second thought.

"Of course, Seungcheol. I...I love you."

This time it is his turn to be surprised as his pupils dilate and a soft gasp of surprise escapes from him. Swallowing, you hold his gaze, waiting for his next words but they never come. Instead, the man attacks your lips with renewed fervour while slotting a muscular thigh between your legs. As his toned thigh brushes against your core a wanton moan leaves your mouth and you wrap your legs around his waist. You can feel Seungcheol smirk against your skin while he kisses a path down from jaw towards your neck, taking his sweet time to plant some love bites along the way while you gasp and writhe underneath him. Soon he reaches the valley of your breasts and with skilled fingers he does a quick work of the buttons of your night shirt. His heated gaze remains on your now bare breasts and you can feel your nipples harden in the chill air of the room before he leans down to plant soft kisses all over them. While he does so you continue to grind your core against his leg, desperate for some friction which he is denying you. His assault on your neck and breasts don't stop as he remains focused in marking you, blooming kisses of red and purple on your skin.

"I missed you," His voice comes out as throaty whisper while he keeps his lips attached to your heated skin. "Me too," you choke between moans as his ministrations on your body leaves you aching all over for him.

He pulls back to meet your gaze, "I want you. I... always have and I've been hiding it. But I can't anymore."

"Take me then, Seungcheol," It isn't the most romantic thing to say but that is all your lust clouded brain can manage as you keep grinding yourself against him. You feel his hard on poke your belly and unlike your lover, you really can't wait anymore. You need him now.

Seungcheol keeps looking at you, too busy studying your features rather than doing something about the wetness between your legs and you're about to tell him to do something when he speaks, "I love you, ____. I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused you. Let me make it up to you."

Great. Now you're horny and emotional.

His confession brings tears to your eyes but your neediness is growing so you pull his face down closer to yours and whisper, "You can start doing that by making me cum. And then you can stay. With me. Forever. How about that?" A mischievous grin kisses his face, "I'd love that sweetheart."

You grin in happiness not wasting anymore time as you reconnect your lips with his.

a/n 2: Whew~ a whopping 15k+! I can't believe I wrote something this huge. But it was well worth it! I just hate this damn app like I don't understand?? I've seen ppl post fics with 40k+ words yet tumb1r says I've reached 250 blocks like what?? Anyhow, I really really hope you enjoyed reading this baby cuz I've been working on it for soooo long! If you did please reblog and share as always your feedbacks are highly appreciated so please leave them in the comments or my ask box!

#seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen scoups #scoups smut #scoups imagines #seungcheol imagines #seventeen fic #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #svt imagines #svt fluff #svt scenarios #seventeen au #svt seungcheol #choi seungcheol #kpop imagines

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